#this is more just me trying to gauge where I’m at with my emotions and somehow writing them out makes that easier

[girlvinland]

This is a post I don't really feel good about writing, but at the same time, it's something I feel like I keep wanting to vent about and that I don't really...have enough places to vent about. I have my therapist, but I feel like even then, I can't unload it all on her bc I feel like I never have enough time even if it comes up here and there. Unloading it on other people who aren't her typically leads to them going on the defensive about the things I want to talk about, even when I try to be gentle or more objective in discussing it. I feel like here is one of the places I usually feel okay talking (even though I know that's probably stupid in some ways), but idk. It's comfortable because it's familiar and bc my words aren’t being directed at any one person. Sorry this is really long, btw.

I feel like I've talked about sexuality so much the past year or so, and I feel like I've taken so long, like...longer than a lot of people...to fully unravel things about myself. My teens were reserved for me barely scratching the surface of anything bc I was petrified of it and had zero exposure to anything that would have helped me in any way. My twenties were like, the first stage of my actual exploration and unfurling, where I was like...wait...this is a viable option? Other people are like this...I'm meeting people who understand. Does that mean I could let myself have that option too? But I still went on like no...no. I'm basically meant to live someone else's life and not seek out any further answers. The past five years I did seek out more answers and really did a lot of work, and that's like...still quite a long time to sort through some of this (or at least, it feels that way).

All of that is just history now though, so it’s not actually what I want to discuss. The thing that I don't feel good about is how my emotions have felt wrt everything currently. I've started to feel like such a bitter person for it, but I don't know if, in some way, the things I feel are justified after years of trying to understand my relationship to the world at large and how my sexuality relates to it. I want to believe that they are and that I'm just at a stage where I can experience these emotions fully in ways I haven’t before and that eventually they'll start to mellow out.

For instance, the past couple of years I've started to become somewhat like…irrationally irritated when it comes to hearing about boyfriends/husbands/etc of my friends who are cis women. Sometimes in general, but mostly when it's in the context of someone complaining about their partner in a day-to-day sort of way. The normalization of that in a heteronormative society has started to become something I just…really dislike hearing about. After going through my own “straight-passing” relationships (idk if this term is ok to use and I’ll change it if not), I almost feel like I just don't have the time or care for it anymore, even when I want to be supportive. Also, it’s hard for me to not apply my own experiences and biases, and a part of me always ends up wanting to be like. If you aren't happy, please try and do something to fix it. Converse with your partner about it. Leave if it's bad enough that you can't deal with it anymore. Get a therapist for yourself or both of you to work things out. Idk. It feels unfair for me to be like that when family or friends want to vent, but I also find it so hard to deal with now or like, it sends my brain to the boomer comic “I hate my wife but I’m just going to complain and not doing anything to change it” realm (and I understand that a lot of times, it is the partner who has little interest in changing things even when the other person is trying, which is even more frustrating to some extent).

The other thing I feel guilty about is this disdain I've developed of hearing about cis male celebrities/characters/crushes in more heterosexual regards (I want to specify that this doesn’t mean I actively dislike the celebs or characters or anything like that, not usually anyway. There are a ton of male chars I enjoy and everything, and tbh idc that much about celebrities in general). I feel like for the past few years I've been going through a period where I'm so tired of being exposed to it though (even with my own chars being sexualized by other ppl tbh) and all I want to do is to engage in media/culture that somehow dismantles anything cisheteronormative or that focuses on couples that aren’t cis/straight (I’ve esp sought out so much more wlw-adjacent media in recent years bc I’ve found myself connecting to it in a way that’s like…holy shit I want to make up for years of things I didn’t have access to or didn’t know existed).

Unfortunately, sometimes I feel like talking about that more often leads to a level of anger or annoyance on the part of people who don't feel that way, even though there is so much less media and discussion about those things in general. A lot of this is more relevant to irl straight friends I have and stuff, where it's fine for them to talk about all of the things they like when it relates to men or romance centered around men, but I don't necessarily have the same ability/level of acceptance from them to discuss media focused on anything else wrt romance/sexuality. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of queer friends and whatnot, but most of them live elsewhere now (I also live elsewhere from many of them) and in general, the majority of people I'm exposed to in regular life are usually straight bc statistically that's just how it is and everything. It frustrates me though how it feels so acceptable for them to talk about whatever male celebrity/char or straight romance thing is popular, but I just kind of have to stand there and nod while wishing I could talk about the stuff I like too when it comes to like, wlw/lesbian media or whatever. That sounds selfish, but I feel like it reflects society’s general view on anything queer, and I think that’s why it gets to me more. Like maybe it wouldn’t bother me so much if that wasn’t the default/if I could speak about things as freely too. I know a lot of people feel that way, I don’t mean to make that or any of this post sound like some experience that is unique to me.

Anyway. I'm sorry if this vent comes off as weird or abrasive at all. It's really, really not my intention, nor is it directed at any one person or relationship and is more just a reflection on how my emotions are now when I think about cisheternormative society and that kind of thing. In the past I was able to kind of...blind myself to a lot of it, I think, or at least be more jokey about it in the times when it did annoy me. And after the years of working to distance myself from it, these aspects of it have started to seem really pervasive, even more so than I felt they were before. Like I said, I don't feel good about feeling these things and I don't want to always feel them. I hope I can work through them and get to a place where they don't bother me, or at least, not as much as now. I truly think it's a situation of like…breaking free of my own binds/feeling this freedom now and seeing things in a different light than I was able to before when I had the blinders on, and maybe once I settle into myself more, I’ll be able to shake those emotions off or find better ways to cope with them. I feel like a lot of this is stuff that’s always existed and always will, and the ways in which society operates are very hard to change, but I can kind of adapt the way I see and experience things so that they’re healthier for me. I’m just. Still in the early stages of doing that, and maybe it will take a little time to understand how to make it more productive/easier for myself. I didn’t get to this place overnight, and I’m sure I have a lot more to learn on this particular journey.

[crushpunky]

drew and costar!reader take the glamour friendship test

masterlist

based on this ask :)

Y/n and Drew walked out onto the bright, white set, their outfits coordinating shades of purple as they prepared for another interview ahead of the release of their film, “Be My Mistake”.

Exercise 1: First Impressions

“Scary… very scary.” Y/n said, looking over at Drew to gauge his reaction. He furrowed his brow, looking between her and the camera before they both descended into giggles. Y/n leaned into Drew as she laughed, Drew catching her and pushing her back up.

“We were told we needed to take this seriously and this is the [bleep] you pull.” Drew chuckled, shaking his head, a grin on his face.

“Ok, ok, seriously,” y/n said, “I was a bit intimidated, but that was mainly because he was so business-y and… I mean Drew’s a pretty big and tall guy so there’s that. But once we got to talking, and he really got out of his shell, I was amazed by how intelligent and funny he was.”

“‘Intelligent and funny’. Wow.” Drew teased, elbowing y/n lightly. ���Well, I knew of you before we met and was impressed with your talent and beauty on screen. However, once we met, I was thrilled to find a wonderful personality that accompanied all that.”

“We quickly found out that we’re just about the same person, so that was a pleasant surprise.” Y/n nodded, wrapping an arm around Drew and squeezing his arm lightly.

Exercise 2: Give Your Friend a Compliment

“I feel like we already did that,” Drew laughed, “but I can definitely find a couple more things to say.”

“I mean I guess I already said this, but Drew is really such an intelligent person,” Y/n gazed at Drew, “like not just book smart, but relationship, emotional smart. He’s very much in touch with all of that and is a very good gauge-r for people’s feelings.”

“Y/n is actually the funniest person I know and that’s not me being dramatic.” Drew grinned. “I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as much with anyone else… definitely not to the point of nearly getting kicked out of a restaurant.”

Y/n laughed at the memory. The two of them had gone out for a nice dinner following wrapping on “Be My Mistake”, dressing up and sharing a couple drinks. However, their usual banter resulted in them laughing quite loudly for the duration of the meal. Shortly after their main courses had arrived, a waiter had come over telling them about how some guests were complaining about the two of them being disruptive, which only made them laugh louder. By some grace of god, however, they didn’t get asked to leave.

“It’s not my fault I’m hilarious.” Y/n said with a simple shrug, causing Drew to laugh.

Exercise 3: Fishbowl of Memories

“Oooh.” Drew said as y/n took the large fishbowl from one of the PAs. Inside, various scraps of paper filled the bowl, each with a question.

“I’ll let you have the honor of going first.” Y/n smiled, offering the bowl out to Drew. He dug inside, grabbing a slip of paper as y/n sat the bowl down on the table in front of them.

“What was the funniest blooper in this film?” Drew read before glancing over at y/n, a smirk on his face. Y/n gave him the same look back, the two of them thinking of the same moment.

“There was an… unfortunate incident in which I accidentally pantsed Drew.” Y/n said, trying her best to stifle her laughter. Drew nodded his head, a warm pink spreading across his cheeks.

“You might be thinking, how do you accidentally pants someone?” Drew teased, y/n folding her hands on the table in front of her dramatically.

“We were filming a scene where our characters were arguing and Drew turned to walk away, and I went to follow after him,” y/n explained. “However, I tripped over a rug and fell. I tried to catch myself on Drew, I was sort of grabbing at him, but only ended up getting his pants before I fell… the pants coming with unfortunately.”

“I really hope that that’s not on the blooper real.” Drew shook his head, rubbing a hand along his jaw.

“Oh, I’m sure the ladies would love to see Starkey in his tighty-whities. A real treat.” Y/n teased. Drew cringed, shoving at y/n’s shoulder before gesturing for her to pick a piece of paper from the bowl.

“What is your favorite memory with each other?” Y/n read, looking over at Drew as the two of them thought. They stared at each other in silence, both of their brows furrowing as they shuffled through an abundance of memories.

“I think I have mine.” Drew said, snapping his fingers before turning towards the camera.

“Ok, ok. Me too. Let’s see if we agree.” Y/n nodded, still facing Drew as she waited for him to speak.

“Mine is when we went to get tattoos and y/n passed out and I had to carry her out to the car because she was being so dramatic.” Drew laughed, his laughter growing even louder as y/n’s jaw dropped. She hit his arm lightly, groaning at the memory. 

“I wasn’t being dramatic I— ok, maybe I was but I was probably still hungover from the night before.” Y/n chuckled.

“Your turn.” Drew said, leaning to rest his elbows on the table and his chin in his palms in faux overinterest.

“My favorite memory is when we sang Wicked at some karaoke bar and it was so bad that people started booing us.” Y/n laughed. They had gone out with the rest of the cast to a karaoke bar down the street from where they had been shooting. Later in the night, after a couple of drinks, Drew and y/n decided it would be a good idea to sing “Defying Gravity”. Neither of them being singers, nor anywhere talented enough for the numerous high notes, the regular patrons of the bar began booing and cringing at their attempt at the notoriously difficult to sing song.

“‘Please for the love of god stop’.” Drew recited one of the patrons’ comments, causing y/n to throw her head back laughing.

“Wow, jeez. That was a deep cut.” Y/n straightened herself back up, smoothing out the  front of her dress. Drew threw an arm over her shoulders, bringing her to his side.

“I think we passed. I think we’re friends, right?” Drew shook y/n playfully, who just let out a sarcastic groan.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Y/n gave in, wrapping her arm around Drew’s torso and hugging him lightly.

“Thank you for watching!” Drew said with a wave, y/n joining in and waving excitedly. The two of them jumped up and down, their waves growing more intense, until they both fell into each other and collapsed into laughter that continued even after the cameras cut.

[haechoxo]

[7:07 pm]

cw; suggestive lol,,

“it wasn’t supposed to be complicated,” you admit, your voice softening. “we were both stressed with school and work, and it just… happened. i thought maybe, eventually, he’d see me as more than just a friend. but now… i don’t know what to think.” you feel a lump forming in your throat, the weight of unspoken feelings pressing down on you as you recall the day your arrangement with haechan started.

your tiny apartment was filled with the scent of coffee and the sound of pages turning. you and haechan were huddled at the coffee table, textbooks, notes, and highlighters spread out before you. finals week was taking its toll, and the exhaustion was evident in both your expressions.

haechan stretched, letting out an exaggerated yawn. “ugh, i can’t take it anymore. my brain feels like mush!”

not glancing up from your notes, stifling a yawn of your own. “just a few more days, and we can sleep for a week.”

he smirked, leaning back on his arms where he sat on the dingy rug. “or, you know, we could find a more fun way to relieve some stress.”

you raised an eyebrow, too tired to fully engage with his antics. “like what? please don’t say more coffee, because i’m pretty sure it’s running through our veins at this point.”

he leaned forward, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “nah, i was thinking something a bit more… intimate.”

your pen paused mid-sentence, finally looking at him, trying to gauge if he was serious. “intimate, huh? like what, a hug?”

he chuckled, shaking his head. “we could fuck.”

you stared at him, dumbfounded, your fatigue momentarily forgotten as your mouth felt incredibly dry, “a-are you serious?”

“dead serious,” he replied, his tone playful as he shrugs, “we’re both stressed, and we’re best friends, what better way to work it out?”

you blinked, trying to process his suggestion, not that the offer wasn’t tempting, the amount of times you pictured kissing his perfect pouty lips, but still! “donghyuck, i don’t… what if it makes things weird?”

he reached across the table, taking your hand in his. “it won’t, i promise. we’re adults, we can handle this. besides, if we can’t help each other out, who can we rely on?”

you chewed on your lower lip, his words doing little to ease the anxiety bubbling up inside you. “i don’t know, hyuck….” all you can think about is your feelings bubbling over, and he finds out in the worst way possible.

“come on, y/n,” he coaxed, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on your hand. “trust me, it’s fine, it’ll be fun!”

you sighed, feeling a mix of nervousness and curiosity. “okay, but if this goes badly, i’m blaming you entirely.”

he grinned, joining you on the couch, “deal. now, let’s get out of study mode for a bit. my brain needs a break from all this academic torture.”

the air between you charged with anticipation as he sat down beside you, feeling a mix of nerves and excitement. you hesitated for a moment, your mind racing with what-ifs, but haechan’s gentle touch and soft smile as he leaned closer gave you the reassurance you needed.

“still okay?” he murmured, his breath warm on your skin.

“yeah,” you replied, your voice barely more than a whisper. “just... nervous.”

“don’t be shy,” he said softly, his fingers brushing a stray hair from your face. “it’s just me, remember?”

you nodded, his lips brushing yours softly at first, testing the waters. your heart raced as you kissed him back, the familiarity of his presence merging with the freshness of the situation, it almost felt natural. he deepened the kiss, one hand finding it’s way to your waist, pulling you closer, while his other held your face, thumb caressing your cheek.

kissing him was everything you imagined it would be—gentle, yet intense, filled with unspoken emotions and years of hidden feelings. as his lips moved against yours, you felt a mixture of relief and uncertainty, the weight of your decision pressing down on you.

just as the kiss began to deepen further, you pulled back slightly, your forehead resting against his, breathing heavily as he continued, kissing down your neck.

as if he’s done it a million times before.

“can i keep going?” he whispered against the column of your neck, his voice low.

previous - next

a/n ; erm… can u tell it was my first time writing a kiss scene🤓 im actually sooo grossed out this was an experience i never thought id breach the topic of… anyway! hope u enjoy!! advice n ur thoughts are appreciated! xoxo jelly

[grahstumhurts]

2. Putting it into gear

Cheerleader!Megan x Loser Band Member!Reader

A/N Not proof read lol so it might have some weird wording and shit.

Rekindling Masterlist

The late May air is starting to feel slightly humid and hot as it usually does by this time, Megan's waiting outside. Leaning on the side of the school fence looking effortlessly beautiful as she does.

“Hey” you greet her, “What did you need to talk about?” She looks up from her phone, then looks around behind you to see if people are watching.

“Look, I owe you an apology and-” 

“That's an understatement.” You cut her off. “Two years of ignoring me should get me something better than an apology”

“Just hear me out” 

She looks you in the eyes, Her pupils glistening with the caramelised apple colour it's always been.

“Please,” 

“Fine” You cross your arms in anticipation “You gonna tell me or what?”

“I need to fake date you, for friendship reasons I guess.” Obviously that stuns you, A girl you had a crush on for the past ten years of your life is suddenly asking you to fake date her. 

“What?” Your face contorts in a mix of surprise and confusion “Why me?”

“You're the only gay person I know, I’m trying to come out to them and they won't believe me till I date someone who fits their “Gay” vision” She sighs, her face portrays her obviously conflicted emotions. “Look its okay if you won't do it, You don't owe me anything especially since i abandoned you but at least sleep on it for me.”

She pauses, trying to read your face, noticing the slight differences in your eyes.

“I also needed to say sorry, I wasn't there when I promised I would be.” 

“I wont accept your apology for now, you need to earn my trust back, Megan.”

 You sigh at the dilemma, do you chose to help her with her fake dating thing, or do you leave her behind. 

“I’ll help you under one condition, We will stay friends afterwards.” 

You expect her to say no, the wavering tone in your voice saying so.

“Thank you so much, seriously I appreciate this. I owe you, N/n” She hugs you, Her scent lingering of fresh citrus and light berries. Her arms wrap around your waist, you instinctively wrap your arms around her shoulders.

“We need to figure out a plan for this whole situation.” You comment as you two break the hug, still feeling the lingering warmth of her. 

“Are you free this week to meet up?” 

“Tuesdays and Thursdays I meet up with my band, any other day we can meet up after school.”

“How about wednesday? I have practice, can you come watch and we can go somewhere after?” The thought of her friends seeing you makes your skin crawl as your reputation with these “Popular” people is not exactly great. Considering that you and Lara are the ones who stand up to Greg when he feels the need to degrade Yoonchae. You may or may not have gotten into some physical altercations with said Greg. 

“Sure, It’ll sell the idea that we are dating a bit more,” It’s a trade off that is worth it to make Megan happy. You shrug just as her phone rings, Her ringtone was not the same as the one you had remembered her to have. It had been her favourite song, Perfect Lover by Britney Spears. But now it's one of those default ones, Removing some of the personality from her.

“Yeah?"

"Oh, Okay."

"I’ll see you soon, Mom. Love you bye”

You can vaguely hear her moms voice throughout the quick phone call, her familiar tone isn't something you can forget easily. 

“You gotta go I assume?” you pick at your nails, “I can walk you home if you want?” You look up to her, trying to gauge her reaction through her body language. “Unless you dont want me to.. You know what forget i even said-”

“NO!” She suddenly cuts you off mid sentence “I mean, No” She clears her throat repeating her affirmation in a softer tone, “it’d be nice for my mom to see you again, She used to ask me about you all the time.” She presses her lips into a line, her face covered with embarrassment. 

“Lead the way,” You slightly smile at the thought that her mom still wondered where you had been all this time, She starts walking in the direction of her house. Making small talk to catch up on each others lives during the two years of absence, Your hands brushing together as you walk on the pavement.

“I missed you, you know that right?”

The smallness in her voice juxtaposes her usually large demeanour.

“I hoped you did,”

You chuckle slightly,

“I missed you too.”

“This is me,” she stops in front of the house you used to know, “You wanna stay for dinner? I mean you don't have to or anything.”

“Sure, It’ll be nice to say hi to your mom.” She leads you into her house, The recognisable scent of her moms cooking wafting into your nostrils. Filling your senses with memories of years prior. “Do we have to fake date in front of your mom aswell?” You tease her, Slipping off your shoes.

“Yeah, I guess so..” She replies nervously, just as her Mom wraps around the corner from the kitchen. “Hey, I brought home a special someone.” 

“Oh my gosh, YN! I didn't realise you were coming tonight for dinner.” She embraces you in a warm hug. “Feels like I haven't seen you in forever.” She lightly jabs at Megan with her elbow. 

“Just been busy with school work and college applications, you know how it is.” You lightly giggle at Megan’s mom’s actions. “Glad to see you Mrs. Skiendiel”

“Oh please, Yn. You know not to call me that, Just aunty is okay.” 

-

“Wow aunty, this is seriously delicious.” You moan as you wolf down the rice and pork on your plate. “I'm grateful that your cooking skills haven't deteriorated in the period I haven't seen you” You say in between bites.

“Im happy you like it, feel free to come over and eat when you want to, Honey” She chuckles

“Uhm Mom, We have something to talk about with you.” Megan’s words shift the energy at the table. You swallow your latest bite and glance at Megan, Giving her a reassuring look. 

“You guys are dating? I know, it's not that much of a shock.” Aunty takes the words out of Megan's mouth, “I've been patiently waiting when you two would realise your feelings for eachother. I have a standing bet with your mom, Yn.” She matter-a-factly comments,

“No funny business in my house alright?” 

“Yes aunty, I don't plan on doing anything with Megan till she's ready. Don't worry”

You try to clear the air quickly, Megan grabs your hand on the table. Interlocking her fingers with your ring clad ones, The slightly cold metal meeting her warm skin. The embarrassment of your words settling in with the two of you.

“I wouldn't dare hurt Megan, I hope you know that aunty.” You stupidly grin at her.

“I know, Yn. Just double checking, I know how you teenagers can be.” She lets out a deep sigh of relaxation. “I have some work to do. all I need you guys to do is the dishes, can you two handle that?” She squints her eyes at us, 

“Yeah, dont worry about it, Mom.” Megan stands and starts clearing the plates from the table, You follow her actions grabbing plates and silverware and bringing them to the sink in the kitchen. 

“I’ll be in the office working if you need me, Good night you two.” Megan’s Mom announces before the door closes.

“Oh my god i swear that was the most awkward i've been with your mom in forever.” You let out a deep sigh as you lean against the kitchen counter, Megan places down the rest of the dishes.

“Yeah no that was really awkward.” She giggles “Yes aunty i don't plan on doing anything with Megan till she's ready” She mockingly says in your tone of voice. You shove her shoulder lightly. 

“Come on lets finish the dishes, I rinse, you dry?” You stand over the sink, turn on the sink and scrub the dinner plates with a soapy sponge.

“Mhm, sounds like a solid plan” She hums, picking up the drying towel from the towel rack as you start to hand her some rinsed dishes. You cheekily smile to yourself as you get a devious idea. Megan is suddenly met with a warm splash of water from the sink head

“You did not just do that” She looks at you astonished, Mouth agape. “You little shit, Yn” 

“Such hurtful words require punishment” You giggle as you spray her with more water,

“What the fuck!” She squeals, feeling the water soak her shirt, “that's not fair, i don't have a sink to spray you too.” Suddenly it seems as Megan gets an idea for your payback.

“Come here, YN. Give me, your girlfriend, A hug. why don't you?” 

“No! I'm not gonna hug you, Meg. You gotta catch me first.” She roars with laughter as she chases after you in the kitchen. 

“Im gonna get you!” She loudly shouts, Running you into the corner of the kitchen.

“I’ve got you trapped now don't i?” She pants.

“I guess so, And what are you gonna do about it?”

You tease her, She pulls you into a wet hug “Eughhhh, it's so cold” You groan feeling her damp top spread the water on your shirt. She pulls away, Snickering at the sight of your now also damp shirt, 

“You get what's coming for you.”

“Can i atleast borrow a shirt or something?” You pull your shirt away from your chest to unstick it from your skin.

“Yeah, Come on. Let's go upstairs and dry off.” She grasps her hand with yours, Her nails graze your wrist. She drags you up the stairs into her room. You stare in awe, It looks similar to when you were last here but different at the same time.

“You took down the BTS posters?” You take a glance at her as she rummages through her closet for two shirts.

“Figured it was time to grow up i guess” She sighs and pulls out the shirts. 

“You sure it wasnt just your new friends pressuring you? Not that it really matters honestly, just curious.”

“Yes its fine, seriously, YN. I dont get whats your problem is right now, they were just posters.” She throws a purple oversized shirt at you.

“Just asking, No offence and all that” You exhale deeply, “Should i go to the bathroom and change or?” She just nods and you take that as your sign to leave the room.

You reenter the room and she's laying on her bed, Phone in hand. You knock on the door frame, she glances up then pats the side of the bed for you to sit down.

“Sorry by the way. Its not really my place to ask those types of questions.” You sit on the end of her bed.

“Its okay, I'm sorry too by the way. I overreacted a tad.” You observe as she hesitates to interlock hands, You take action as you interlock your pinkies together. 

"I guess i realized how much you've changed. And i guess i wasn't ready to fully realize it." You lay next to her, Brushing shoulders.

[thewritetofreespeech]

Gale x Tav

words: 811

rating: G

summary: basically there are too many things about Gale being 'the perfect husband' and having 'the perfect marriage with him', but even the best couples have bad days and fight.

----------------------------------����---------------------------------------

It’s been hours. And the two of you still hadn’t talked.

You pull the covers tighter around your body. Surely a pseudo comforting mechanism to make up for the phantom cold you were feeling. It was an emotional chill, not physical. This might be the first night in a long while that you might go to bed alone, and it’s certainly the first night in a while you aren’t going exactly willingly.

You and Gale had a huge fight. You can’t even remember what started it exactly. It was something small. Simple. Yet it seemed neither one of you were willing to get over your mole hill and now there was a chasm between your two mountains.

Playing the fight over in your mind, you were trying to figure out where you went wrong….

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“I’m being ridiculous!” You snap back at Gale. “Ridiculous. Yes. I’m being ridiculous because I asked you to help out in your own house.”

“And I said I would get to it later!” Gale snapped back. He rubbed his temples with his hand across his eyes. “Gods above, would it kill you to have a little patience from time to time??”

“Perhaps. If we had it your way we’d still be on that beach by the nautiloid for how long your ‘laters’ take.”

Your husband glared at you. “Insulting my character. My, what a fine fall we’ve made for decorum in this house.”

“I’m not insulting your character, Gale. But what about you! You just called me ridiculous and that’s not insulting my character?!”

“It’s not insulting your character if it’s true! And you’re being ridiculous!”

It had all gone downhill from there. More insults. More backbiting. You both said things you didn’t mean, like you saying you should have stayed in the Gate if this was how things were going to be and Gale wishing he still had his orb because it seemed the only way to get out of this conversation.

He had taken off not long after that with an “I’m done” and stalked off to some remote, quite corner of the tower to cool off. You hadn’t seen him since.

Now that the fight was over, and night was closing in, you wished you could talk to apologize. But you didn't want to be the one to go to him. You didn't want to 'lose'. Which you knew was toxic and childish, but you couldn't help the way you felt.

So, that never happened and for the first night in a long while that you go to bed alone. Quiet tears on your pillow.

The next morning you wake up. Face puffy. Eyes red. No real sleep to call your own, so you went downstairs to get coffee.

You find Gale already there. His own cup in his hand. Looking equally disheveled and un-well rested. But, and most importantly, another cup across the counter in front of him. It’s steam wafting up from the mug so you knew it was fresh. Cautiously, you move to the counter and take it. “Are we still fighting?”

“Do you want to keep fighting?” Gale asked back. Not trying to instigate the fight again, but gauge your commitment to continue it.

“No. I don’t.” You sip your coffee carefully. Even though you’re fighting, it was still perfect. “Where did you sleep?”

“In my study.” There is an ornate couch in there. Leather. Expensive. More of an art piece than a comfortable piece of furniture. His lack of sleep may just be from trying to sleep on that rather than the tossing & turning you did last night. “I didn’t think you’d want me.”

“You could have come to bed.”

You probably wouldn’t have talked, and it would still be ‘cold’, but it was still his bed too. “I don’t like it when we fight.”

“It’s not my ideal way to spend an evening either, my love.” Though he said it his ‘my love’ doesn’t have the same warmth in it it normally does. “Look…I’m sorry if I upset you.”

“I’m sorry too.” You apologize back. “I didn’t mean to….”

“We both said things we didn’t mean.”

The two of you sip your respective coffees. Not really sure where to go from here. Yes, you apologized. The fight was over. But apologies weren’t like the incantations Gale threw around all the time. They weren’t actually magic words to make all the hurt you felt a moment ago go away.

“Do you want a hug?”

He didn't say anything, but Gale sat down his coffee and came around the counter to you. You both wrap your arms around each other, but it’s awkward. Stiff. There is love between you in the hug, but that chasm you built last night was making it harder to each one another. It would fill. You both would mend. But for now it was just going to be a little uncomfortable around the house.

The two of you separate and go back to your coffees. Sticking to safe topics like what you would like for breakfast. Hopefully you couldn’t disagree to harshly on that.

[chochuuya]

his muse.

fashion designer mitsuya x reader

disclaimers: slight angst, tension, lots of back and forth.. possessive mitsuya yup yup |･ω･)

word count: 685

“why?” mitsuya asks, not looking up from his sewing machine. “you’re my model. i’m not fighting for your time with another man (y/n).”

he’s always had an obsession with beautiful things. you’re no exception, so you can’t leave him.

all of his designs are catered to you. when he sees you smile, or hears you laugh, he’s already sketching another. he shuts the machine off, looking at you.

“do you not like the clothes i make anymore?” he asks, brows furrowing. because why else would you leave?

you chew your bottom lip as you fidget on your hands. it’s always nerve wracking to talk to mitsuya when he’s tense.

“it’s nothing like that, takashi. trust me, your designs are par to none! it’s just that.. i want to dress more and for others too? i am still your model, yes but i’m just signing up for more houses.”

he frowns.

“my designs are for you and you alone. we established this (y/n).”

you know mitsuya is stubborn, and once he gets an idea into his head, it doesn’t budge easily. he takes his designs seriously and doesn’t like to see his models modelling for other designers. the thought of you modelling for anyone else makes him feel jealous and angry, and he struggles to mask it.

you shake your head in protest.

“takashi. of course you had and have support me enough up to this point, but i just thought i could get more experience if i get myself out there more you know?” you reasoned.

“you don’t need to get more experience, you’re perfect!” he exclaims with eyes pleading.

“my designs are made with you in mind (y/n), and they look best on you! the other designers won’t be able to replicate my work. they’ll probably mess it all up.” mitsuya continues, “you could ruin your reputation modelling for someone else, no one would want your image on their projects anymore!”

he stops, breathless for a few seconds.

“you’re my muse..” he says quietly. “you’re all i’ve got, don’t you see that?”

you sighed in defeat.

“how am i supposed to grow as a model when i’m not getting out of my comfort zone, takashi? i admire you and your talented quality crafts but please, try to understand me!”

he glares at you, anger in his eyes.

“i don’t want you to grow, (y/n)!" he shouts.

“i want you to be mine and only mine. if you can't understand that then- then-" he stops himself before he gets too carried away.

“i understand that you have your own goals and aspirations but i’d rather you keep me in mind too.”

he steps back, breathing rapidly.

“i’m sorry, i- i shouldn’t have yelled.” he pauses, trying to get ahold of his emotions.

“you have other models too, mitsuya..”

“but i want you to be my main model.” he says, a hint of pleading in his voice.

“you’re my best, and i can help you far better than anyone else ever could. you’re my muse and inspiration. i just- i don’t want that to change.” he added.

you thought of what he said so, there was silence for a mere moment before you break the ice.

“there’s something else you’re not telling me. i know you.” you said with your arms crossed.

he narrows his eyes at you, not liking being accused of hiding something.

“and what do you think that is?” mitsuya asks icily. he wants to hear what you think it is, but won’t admit it just yet.

“i don’t know. you tell me.”

mitsuya is silent for a moment, debating over whether or not to let you in on his secret. his eyes scan your face, trying to gauge your trustworthiness. you’d never betrayed his trust before, so why not now?

finally, he speaks, his voice softer.

“i didn’t want to tell you because i knew you’d be upset. but... i’m in love with you (y/n)." mitsuya says quietly, looking at you.

“i’ve been in love with you for years.”

...

maybe hakkai and yuzuha should come by another day.

please do not steal, copy, translate, repost to other sites or claim my writings as your own. plagiarism is real!

ngl that one panel where he fixes takemichi's suit is just *nosebleeds* (＿ ＿*) anyway, i hope you like this one! reblogs & likes are vv appreciated ♡

[pendingnomdeplume]

i am drowning, and there's no sign of land pairing: hozier x gn!reader rating: T tags: angst, mental illness, hurt/comfort words: 761

author's note: This was pre-written and is part of a backlog of items I still have from the previous blog. xoxo.

title from: No Children by The Mountain Goats divider by: cafekitsune

It’s late when you call, a last resort for which you’ll profusely apologize and ask forgiveness that you’ll never believe or accept. The stains of leftover tears make your skin feel tight as you rub at your swollen eyes and take a deep breath. At least your breathing has evened, no longer wracked with hiccuping sobs that make your ribs hurt. 

“Hey, are you okay?” It’s the first thing to rush from his mouth, worry obvious in his voice. You can imagine him now, frizzy hair thrown up and out of the way while he sits at his computer or hunches over a notebook—the anxiety gripping his chest as he sees your name pop up at an hour that is usually all his own. 

The only response you can summon is a humorless laugh as you shake your head despite him not being able to see it. 

“Do you need me to call someone?” Andrew wouldn’t ask without reason, and you’d provided plenty of reason for this level of concern before. 

“Nothing so dire.” You wince at the way your voice cracks. “It’s just…it’s been a night.” 

“Tell me about it.” 

It’s such a simple phrase, but it makes your heart swell and tears prick the corners of your eyes. One of the few people who’s never made you feel like a burden on them. 

 You sigh. “My brain won’t stop, and it’s so loud today. I don’t know what actually triggered it, but…it’s been pretty touch-and-go the last few days.”

You brace yourself for an impact that likely won’t come. Andrew isn’t like that, won’t blame you for not reaching out sooner as if it’s a moral failing. Likely, he’ll be more frustrated with himself for not seeing signs even when you’ve worked so hard to conceal them. 

“Did you email your psych?” 

The question sends an electric buzz of irritation along your skin that you try to shake off. He knows you hate that question, but he also knows that you drag your feet on your own well-being—part of the menagerie of mental illness that convinces you it doesn’t matter anyway. You pause and take a deep breath to swallow down the snappy comment that desperately wants to break free. 

“I did, but I don’t know when I’ll hear back.” 

You’re both quiet as each of you thinks of the next thing to say, but everything that comes to mind is just as alarming as the call itself.  A barrage of self-doubt, self-pity, and self-deprecation tumbles through your brain, and you squeeze your eyes shut as though it will do anything to quiet the roar. 

“Do you…want to talk about it?” The question is asked thoughtfully and extended carefully. You take a moment to turn it over in your mind, gauging where exactly your own emotional energy is at. 

Finally, you shake your head. “No, I don’t think…I don’t think there’s anything to really talk about. Not right now, anyway. I just…” 

I just don’t feel real. I need an anchor to reality. 

Andrew asks, “Do you want to get on FaceTime, then? I’m working on something if you want to hear.” If you need company.

When the screen fills with his image, he smiles and greets you softly. An acoustic guitar rests in his lap as he flips back through his notebook to find where he’d left off. As he plucks out quiet notes, you shimmy down under the covers and reach over to turn off your bedside lamp. Andrew glances over when he notices the shift in his peripheral vision, and he smiles again when he sees your eyes peeking out from beneath your duvet, already starting to get heavy with sleep. 

You watch him for a while, occasionally catching the way he glances at his phone to see if you’re still there, still awake. Warmth floods your chest as he sings to himself, little sounds and whispers here and there as you catch a few words that make little sense to you within the greater context. 

Sleep takes you just as the sky begins to shift. The birds just outside Andrew’s window signal dawn, and he’d nearly forgotten he was on a call at all with how comfortable and cozy the silence is between you. 

He catches the way your eyes dart beneath closed eyelids, clearly in the depths of a dream. He whispers your name once, then repeats it louder than before, but you barely stir. Finally, he reaches over, letting his hand hover over the End Call button before whispering a barely audible, “Goodnight.” 

[sxfterhearts]

Hi! I have a request for theo if you feel inspired by it:)

Something angsty (but soft) with "Sorry I'm late.", where he's late for a date, or promised to be at reader's home sooner, something like that, and reader is already frustrated, feeling like his last priority. When he's not busy with p1h things he wants to have a time for himself...

Anyway, that's what I thought for the prompt, but if you have any other ideas I'd love to read anything <3

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ idol ! theo x non-idol ! reader ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

♡ genre/warnings: mild angst, soft ending

♡ word count: 912 words

♡ author's note: thank you for requesting lovely anon <3 you sparked my creativity and reminded me just how much i love (and miss) writing! this was a great little fic for me to ease back into it. life has been super duper hectic lately, so apologies this comes so late. i hope you enjoy :)

//

The seasons were reluctantly transitioning from autumn to winter. It was a warm autumn day, warmer than you initially expected, with heat radiating off the sidewalks and brick walls. Ginko trees lined the streets, a flurry of vibrant yellows dancing and waving as cars drove by.

The dessert shop you had saved on Google Maps for months came into sight as you rounded the corner of the main road. It specialised in bingsu, a traditional Korean milk-based shaved ice dessert, commonly topped with sweet red beans and condensed milk. 

You took in your surroundings as you approached the shop. Everywhere around you, you saw couples walking hand in hand, groups of friends laughing together, and people taking photos of each other with the autumn foliage, basking in the remnants of sunshine.

All of a sudden, you felt a pang of loneliness in your chest.

At the same time, your phone screen lit up with a notification.

[5:45pm] theo <3: hey y/n, practice is running over

[5:46pm] theo <3: i’m sorry… i’ll make it up to you, i promise

You sighed. Your heart dropped to the soles of your feet. In a way, you knew this was coming. Amidst all the comeback preparations and promotions, Theo barely had time to himself, let alone to spend time with you. You understood this well. You knew what you were signing up for and you were well aware of the demanding nature and huge time commitments of his career. Lately, though, the tardiness and cancellations were becoming a little too frequent. 

He stood you up last weekend. Okay, maybe you were being a bit dramatic – the two of you were meant to go for a picnic by the Han River. Instead, he texted you 10 minutes before the meeting time to say that his hair appointment was taking longer than expected, leaving you amongst the sea of couples cuddling on the grass – all alone.

And here you were again, alone once more. Casting a wistful glance at the fairy lights and welcoming exterior of the shop, you silently bid it goodbye as you turned around and made your way back home.

//

With heavy footsteps, you finally dragged yourself up the stairs to your apartment. 

Absent-mindedly, you fished inside your handbag for your keys. Why was it always so hard to find them?

Your searching was interrupted by someone loudly clearing their throat.

“Sorry I’m late… Again.”

“Theo?” You looked up from your bag and sure enough, there he was, crouching outside your apartment door. He was still wearing his sweat-soaked clothes from dance practice, cheeks red from exertion. 

At the call of his name, he stood up. “I brought cake?” Theo said gently, trying to gauge your emotions and reactions to him standing you up, yet again. Cake – your guilty pleasure; a peace offering. “It’s dark chocolate with strawberries, the one from your favourite cake shop.”

You couldn’t help it, your ears perked up and your eyes lit up at the familiar pink cake box. The corners of your lips raised into an involuntary smile. “Is this bribery?” You teased lightly.

“It’s an apology, Y/N. I’m sorry, really.” He replied, voice laced thick with sincerity. 

At that, the sadness covering your icy heart melted away. “Come on,” You grabbed his free hand, dragging him into the apartment with you.

As you sat on the floor, devouring your cake in silent contentment, Theo reached across the coffee table for your hand.

“Listen, Y/N…”

“Hmm?”

“The past few months have been really busy.”

You nodded. “I know.”

“Our schedules… It’s so hard to predict, and things can change at the last minute.”

You hummed, mouth full of cake.

“I get it if you’re frustrated or angry, I would be too. But this is only the beginning. Once promotions start I will barely have any time to do anything, including sleep, which means I won’t have much time to spend with you. You know that right?”

“Yeah.” You agreed reluctantly. “I know, you told me at the start. It’s just…” You sighed. “Yeah, sometimes it gets lonely without you. But I don’t blame you or anything. It’s not your fault, so I get it.”

Theo’s heart ached a little at your honest confession. “I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“It’s fine,” You waved away his apology. “Like I said, not your fault.”

“I’m sorry for making you feel lonely.” He clarified.

You stared into his eyes, taking in the intensity of his sorrowful gaze. “I accept your apology.” You squeezed his hand tightly. “Besides, maybe I should pour some time and energy into other things, like seeing my friends more or picking up a new hobby.”

Theo nodded. “That’s a great idea!” He encouraged, heart-shaped lips turning into an excited smile. “What happened to that knitting club? Did you end up joining with your friend?”

You pouted. “No, the club meetings are too early for her, she gets off work late. Maybe I’ll look for another one, she mentioned pottery when we caught up for coffee last week…”

Theo breathed an internal sigh of relief. It was reassuring to know that you were trying to keep yourself busy with your own life outside of the relationship you two shared and cherished. This was important in every relationship, of course, but particularly for yours, due to his line of work. He felt a surge of admiration and adoration for you as he reflected on how well you handled the situation despite the uncertainty and disappointment. “I love you.”

You looked up from your phone and paused mid-message to your friend. You gave him a toothy grin, dark chocolate staining the corners of your mouth. Theo thought you looked adorable. “I love you too.”

[mommyownsmee]

how can i be a better domme to my partner? i have no experience and am nervous about trying to domme. they're into praise and degradation too and im not good at that

Being a good Domme starts in your own mind. You can‘t be a good Domme unless you understand the psychology of submission and why your Sub wants to be submissive and why you have the need to be dominant.

First you have to find out what you like and what you don‘t like. What do you want and what are your no-go‘s?

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You always have to remind yourself that BDSM and every session is for both of you. A part of your role as a Domme is to nurture your Sub into someone who is comfortable with her sexuality, and being able to enjoy everything that she wants to do and feel without feeling guilty about it.

Some Subs are completely at ease with sex, their bodies and their fantasies. Others have issues with all or some of those topics. As a good Domme you must understand and accept this and not push their boundaries.

There is a Domme code I once did read and I still think it’s perfect to remember in every situation: „Leave your Sub better than you found her.“

Of course you’re not her therapist, but you can do your part to make her feel great about sex and BDSM.

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Whenever a Sub comes to you as a Domme, you have to be able to quickly gauge where she lies on the submissive spectrum. This means you need to find out: What does she need in the first place, what does she want, etc.

I know this sounds complicated for someone without any experience, but you‘ll learn it after some time.

Just listen to your girl. She will tell you what she needs and wants. Your job is to fulfill those needs. Don't assume your own way is right. Often it is not. Always talk to your Submissive, never only do what you want.

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As I began to be a Domme myself, l've been learning how to present myself strong and dominant. This taught me that showing them that you can be strong and brutal is way more powerful as a turn on than being actively brutal with them.

Don’t believe you have to shout to make your Sub do something for you. I almost never raise my voice. A raised voice indicates annoyance, aggression and loss of control – everything that is the opposite of being a calm and in control Domme. Often a quieter voice is far more effective. As an example, suppose your Sub answers back. An eyebrow raise and an “Excuse me?” said quietly whilst maintaining eye contact with her works wonders.

You don't have to be brutal and treat your girl aggressively to be a Domme. Being a Dominant is not about aggression, manipulation or abuse.

You won’t always get your own way. In fact, being the Domme in the relationship often equals more work, because you now have to look after two people (yourself and your Sub). As much as she is there to serve and attend to your needs, you must attend to hers and not take advantage of her eagerness to please without giving her back anything in return.

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Some more tips:

Whether you are a beginner or professional Dom, you are never going to get it right all the time. Make light of your mistakes and your Sub will too.

There’s no need to be heavy and intense all the time. You don’t have to approach this with the solemnity of a politician delivering bad news. If your personality is naturally jovial and light-hearted then incorporate that into your play. Laugh and have fun with your sub.

Being a good Domme does not mean you have to enjoy all aspects of BDSM. I don’t like inflicting pain, for example, and I’m not that into leather. Does that make me a bad Domme? No. Don’t try and do everything. Learn what you and your partner enjoy and stick to that.

Everything you do should be consensual. Never force someone to do something they do not want to do or is going to cause long term physical or emotional harm. Remember the principle of Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC) at all times.

Not owning up to mistakes. If you make a mistake, admit it and apologise if necessary. There’s a real strength in being able to admit your flaws.

It’s wrong to demand submission too soon. Some Dominants expect their partner or date to be submissive right from the off. This isn’t how it works. You must earn her submission. A Sub must respect and trust you before she is willing to submit to you. Don’t be the dumbass who starts ordering someone around on a first date.

Expecting submission outside the bedroom. Not all submissives (or dominants) enjoys submitting in everyday life, and you shouldn’t expect them to. Some subs want to be treated roughly during sex, but return to an equal power status afterwards. Some want an unequal power dynamic 24 hours a day.

If you aren’t clear in communicating your desires, or make your rules too complicated, or haven’t written them down, you can’t expect your Sub to follow them. Consider writing a BDSM contract for clarity.

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Execute your dominance slowly but progressively, learning where her and your boundaries are. Don‘t overstep them ever.

When you both have set your boundaries, respect them, but (of course depending on the situation/person/kind if boundary) play with balancing just on the edge. You could end up pushing their boundaries and either make her and you feel bad or make you both enjoy it in the end. You definitely have to talk to your Sub before doing anything.

Definitely talk after every session in great extent. No matter if it was a session over 5 minutes or 5 hours. Have your Sub tell you every detail they liked and didn't like, what they thought you could do better, etc.

In the same way, tell them how you felt.

Trust your Sub. She is a grown woman and more than capable of telling you if she believes you are taking advantage of her or if you‘re doing everything right.

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Find a mentor, someone who knows a lot about BDSM and is in the scene for a long time already and ask them all your questions. Ask them for help if you need.

Try to talk to many Dommes before you settle for one. Get a wide spectrum of answers, verify those answers against one another and as you find a trustworthy mentor, listen to how the answers from other places differs from theirs.

Experienced kink folk are the ones that have already screwed up and carry the scars from it. Learn from their scars instead of making that same mistake yourself.

Become a member of the community. Find out who is good and what makes them good. Who is bad at it and what makes them bad.

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Your Sub should know it's your first time domming. If you mess up, it's entirely okay to laugh about it. No shame, you're learning. You will feel more confident if you can laugh about it.

If you are not having fun, don't be afraid to say „Ok, this isn't working“ or „I'd prefer if we do this and this and this instead right now, want to change the plan?“.

Never change plans without bringing up a solution and ask that if your Sub has a complaint, that she comes with a solution following her complaint. This is so you aren't left feeling like all the responsibilities are on you.

This helps not break the Sub from their state of mind, it makes you dominant and handle the scene. It also leaves a space for the Sub to negotiate these new terms without breaking characters.

If no one is having fun, you both aren't doing it right and are probably just not compatible. Be honest, speak your mind, trust your partner as much as they trust you.

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Not everything you read online will suit you. Don’t think you have to do something just because another Domme is doing it.

For example, if you don’t like spanking, don’t do it. It doesn’t make you less of a Domme.

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Since it's your first time, make sure your Sub knows that you might need aftercare as a Domme too, but that you might not know what you need yet. Some people like to cuddle in silence, some like to talk about it all and others like me needs a shower right after sex. Don't be ashamed of not knowing what you want, but make sure you can voice it out as you go.

I recommand for you both to take the bdsmtest.org before you start domming. It will help you find out more about yourself and your Sub.

Afterwards, you should read a lot about the kinks that were shown you as the most compatible.

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A Mommy Domme exhibit caregiving tendencies and enjoy the softer, more tender qualities of caring for someone else. They are often paired with Littles and provide a motherly type figure or role model to guide their Sub. Mommy Dommes and little girl dynamics are often referred to as MDLG (Mommy Domme Little Girl) or CLG (Caregiver Little Girl).

A sadist Domme enjoys inflicting pain on her submissive, who is referred to as a masochist (or a „pain slut“, if she is not offended by that language). The sadist Domme will be interested in bondage, spanking, flogging and perhaps even inflicting pain during sexual activity. A sadist Domme may also enjoy humiliating or degrading her submissive through words, during sex, or when punishing her.

A Lady Domme is paired with a slave or service-orientated submissive. In this style of Domme and Sub dynamic the Lady treats her Submissive as property, and they engage in sexual and non-sexual play. For example, the Submissive might be responsible for maintaining the household, cooking dinner, or being a sexual plaything for the Lady Domme to enjoy. They might engage in slave training where the Submissive learns what the Lady Domme enjoys and how to perform her duties.

An owner Domme may refer to ownership for a submissive slave, but may also refer to owning a Submissive who enjoys acting like a pet. During pet play the Domme would serve the Sub food from a bowl on the floor, wear a collar and sleep in a cage.

A Caregiver/romantic Domme enjoys nurturing her Sub. She helps her achieve her goals and may be involved in making choices in her life such as what clothes she wears and what she eats.

A financial Domme controls the money of her submissive.

A rigger Domme enjoys rope either for the appeal of seeing her Sub tied up and restrained or simply for the beautiful ropework.

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The thing that changes degrading from an act of bullying to a source of pleasure is context and consent. Sex and real life are not the same. The difference between what you are comfortable with in the bedroom versus in a real life or public scenario entirely depends on consent and the element of choice.

The understanding that consent is key to incorporating degrading should not be taken lightly. In order for everyone involved to feel safe and find pleasure from degradation, there needs to be regular talks about limits, boundaries, and what you want to gain from the scene. In the heat of the moment, it can be easy for a degradation scene to be taken too far, even with one simple comment or act.

Due to this, it is essential to have advanced planning before attempting any act of degradation. Safewords should also be established, allowing anyone in the scene to give the warning to slow down or stop the scene completely if needed. All parties need to express what they are and are not comfortable with doing or saying. Someone may express that they want to have certain parts of their bodies insulted, but the other person involved may not be comfortable saying these insulting terms. That is absolutely okay but should be discussed prior to the scene. Everyone involved is allowed to have boundaries, and they need to be respected.

The intention behind degrading is to bring intense feelings of humiliation or embarrassment, and because of the emotions that can stem from this, aftercare is a must. Aftercare provides reassurance and affirmation, creating a feeling of safety and respect that was not present during the degrading scene. 

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On the complete opposite spectrum to degradation, some Subs find arousal from praise. There is nothing some Submissives love more than positive reinforcement. Whilst praise can be verbal, there can be physical elements incorporated. A pat on her head or a kiss on her forehead can be just as good as a verbal affirmation. When giving out compliments, make sure to be sincere in your praises. Half-hearted compliments will be noticed, and your goal of making your Sub feel appreciated will not be reached.

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Some Submissives are into both degrading and praise, which is totally alright. The thing is: You need to talk with your Sub beforehand about her boundaries and what exactly she wants to hear and what not. Are there words that trigger bad feelings in your Sub? Are there things that do the opposite?

To use praise and degradation in one sentence, combine a praise with an „insult“. For excample it could be: „You‘re my pretty slut.“ or „Your cunt is already molded into the shape of my strap, and you look so perfect- fucked out like this, baby.“

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[nestagetbehindme]

My Contribution to Elucien Week 2024

Elucien’s First Time🥵🦊🌸☀️

Summary: Throughout their journey in the Day Court, Lucien and Elain have had their fair share of angst and emotional buildup. All of their turmoil paved the way to this moment right now between them. At the pinnacle of their tension, the dams finally break, walls tumble down, and a passionate kiss seals the deal

Warnings (also tags): nfsw, first time, fingering, good ole missionary, glowing Lucien, neediness, making out

. . .

There was a beat of silence. Almost as if the world was at the edge of its seat, awaiting the fate of the two mates. Then, time shifted as Lucien surged forward and captured Elain in a desperate kiss.

Elain did not hold back a single ounce of her desire as she slid her fingers into his hair and met his own long awaited passion with hers. His lips were soft and warm as his tongue gently swept in, a cautious question. Gods, she wanted him so bad. She wanted to feel him. His skin, his muscles, his magic, his hair– she wanted him, no, she needed him too much.

Their tongues began tangling as their fervors collided. His scent of smoked-cinnamon and amber awakened her immortal soul. She felt like she was alive, truly alive, and near out of her wits with desire.

Suddenly, he broke their kiss for a moment, to which Elain quite irritably held onto him.

There was no way in hell he was going anywhere.

She didn’t really recognize the possessiveness of the thought as her hands dug into the shoulders of his white fabricated tunic. His lips hovered above hers, and both of their wild gazes locked. His metal eye whirred as he studied Elain.

“Can I touch you, Elain?” His voice was gentle, yet she didn’t miss the slight growl in it. It seemed like he was holding himself back. Like the magic of the bond was overwhelming him, but he was still trying to maintain some semblance of control.

“Yes, anything,” she panted as she brushed their lips together for more “Please, touch me, Lucien–”

She was abruptly cut off as he again crushed their lips together, a tangle of teeth and tongues, and slid his hands from her intricately styled hair to her back. Then lower. She gasped as his hands began feeling and kneading her rear.

Lucien again broke the kiss to gauge her reaction and then backed away raising his hands up in surrender.

“I will stop. I need to stop– I want you, I need you too much.” He was panting as he backed away, his hair now mussed because of Elain’s deft yet sneaky pale fingers. “I���.”

“It’s fine– it’s fine. I’m fine. I need you Lucien, please do not stop,” Elain pleaded with unsteady breaths. Lucien just shook his head, the fire in the hearth casting a warm glow on his hair.

“We go slow then. I don’t want to do something either of us will regret. I refuse to have this moment between us sullied by my own untamed thoughts.”

Elain only nodded, closing the distance between them.

“You tell me what you want,” he continued, “where to touch you, where to kiss you, I want this to be perfect.”

“It is perfect,” Elain cooed as she again ran her fingers through his hair. He didn’t yield a step this time. “I want and need you too.”

“Where do you want me to touch you?” Again, his question charged the already electrified air around them.

She gestured to her face, her body, her rear–

“Everywhere,” she clicked her tongue.

Lucien only huffed a laugh as Elain smiled without restraint. A beam of pure unadulterated joy. The bond between them glowed like a blinding thread of gold, stretching out to the other's chest.

“I love you,” they both said in unison. Then, their lips finally met in a softer motion. This time their kiss was different. Although the desire to shred one another’s clothes remained, there was a sweeter more passionate feeling about this embrace. Lucien’s hands began moving back to her rear, feeling her and every inch of her upper body.

Elain moaned in his mouth at the feeling which seemed to encourage Lucien even more. A growl slipped from him as he began to feel his way back up to her dress. He looked into her beautiful brown eyes, wide as saucers as she faced him. The silver lining within them shined with her own declaration of love. He began tugging on the gown’s laces, but he did not undo them with one simple move.

Again his eyes searched hers for permission. A gentlemale through and through. She only nodded before she reached her arms out to grab the shoulders of his thinly draped tunic.

His fingers made quick work with the laces of her dress, and in one swift movement, the garment fell to the floor in a pool of white silk. She still had a thin gold underdress beneath the white one, but her bare shoulders were now displayed.

She began pushing the shoulders of his tunic down to reveal the rest of his chest and his muscled arms. He was beautiful. Every inch of him. The fire casted a warm glow upon all of his brown skin– it almost looked as if he was glowing.

She immediately reached for the cuffs of gold around his wrist as he kindly pulled the thin straps of her underdress from her shoulders. She smiled at him as she removed each cuff of metal, to which he returned her own smile with his as he slid the straps of the dress down her arms. Finally, the underdress was a pool of gold on the floor, and there were no barriers between them. No more dresses, no more leathers, no more tunics, and no more gloves.

Elain shifted on her feet a tad as she stood under Lucien’s ravenous yet cherishing gaze. Even though the fire was warming the room, she felt the coolness of the air against her bare skin.

Finally, they reached for each other again. His hands dug into her brown curls, knocking some of the combs of pearls and gold to the floors. She laughed against his mouth as the jewelry hit the floor, and slowly he backed them onto the large bed of ivory silks, covers, and blankets.

Lucien’s legs hit the edge of the bed, and he laid down on the sheets. Elain crawled on top of him, and hovered over his beautifully naked form as he settled himself beneath her. A memory flashed and retreated in her mind of when they had been in this exact position in that lovely prairie of green grass and flowers. So far away from this moment now. Then, she had been such a wretch, wishing the wonderful male beneath her to disappear from her life entirely. To know that now she loved him more than anything, more than life itself–

She crushed their lips together again, and Lucien groaned. She liked that sound, she liked every little growl, groan, and moan she could get from him. His fingers explored her skin, stroking and kneading at her curves and muscle.

She pulled away from him just as he playfully nipped at her lower lip. Both of their mouths were slightly swollen and pink. But neither cared, nothing mattered in this moment except them. The bond again glowed brightly with that declaration.

“I want you to be on top of me when you...you know,” She nosed at his jaw, placing a soft kiss there. Lucien chuckled as he propped a knee up. Then, in one swift motion, he flipped them. Elain now looked up at him, feeling his weight braced above her.

This was...everything. This wasn’t her first time lying with a male of course, but everything with Lucien felt different. She felt like everytime she was with him, she was experiencing something new– even though she had already done it.

Perhaps it was her being fae, her magic, the court...or maybe it was just him. Yet, none of those ‘first’ felt as significant as this moment now. This moment in which their souls would be tied forever. She would never leave him, and he would never forsake her. Perhaps that fact scared her before, but now...no fear remained to cloud the bright glow in her chest.

Her eyes began burning, just as he lowered himself to her. He positioned himself at her entrance, and with one swift motion he would be inside her. But he was waiting. Waiting for what?

She inched closer to him, slightly feeling the length of his cock against her core. Her whole body awakened at the contact as the bond sang a loud symphony between their souls.

“Elain, we need to slow down,” Lucien’s voice was now erotically soft and she felt her core throb with need. He was here. Right here. She didn’t want to go slow. She wanted him inside her. She wanted them to be joined together forever. No more pain, no more loneliness, no more walls between them.

“We are going slow.” She grabbed for his waist, his skin warm against her fingers. His tenderness was too much. Grayson hadn’t been like that when he had taken her maidenhead. She had just lied there while nodding and wincing through everything he did. Grayson wasn’t anything like Lucien. And yet somehow he had meant everything to her human heart.

And now she was immortal, or close to it, and she couldn’t even remember why she had fallen for him. Her past and him all seemed so far away. And she didn’t want it back honestly. Not anymore.

“You aren’t ready.” He lowered his mouth to her neck, peppering kisses and nibbling slightly. “Can I feel you?”

Elain’s brows scrunched as she tried to figure out what he meant. She had already said yes to him touching—

“Oh.” Oh. He meant to touch her center. She blushed, and buried her nose in his shoulder. Thinking she could hide her embarrassment and lack of experience there.

“Oh as in...,”

“Oh as in yes,” she laughed against his skin. He returned her amusement with a gentle smile, probably just to assuage her embarrassment. Then he took his fingers and began tracing a line down her collar, her stomach, lower—.

She didn’t feel him get any lower as he began pressing his lips in the same spots he traced his fingers with.

Then, she felt a brush against her core. A soft whimper left her lips. He pressed a kiss to the center of chest, between her breasts. Then, he began peppering kisses to each one. Whatever she was feeling was beyond comprehension, and expanded further into disconnect as his finger slid through her folds.

She was already slick, so his fingers glided through her. As he started circling that bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs, her gasps turned into moans. He looked up from his view of her chest and watched her face contort with pleasure. His eyes looked ravenous as he watched her face. Like he wanted to imprint the image in his mind permanently.

Again he circled those bundle of nerves and sucked at her breast, and Elain felt her back slightly arch off the bed. The feeling of his mouth on her chest was enough to make her core clamp down. She wanted him inside her, or his fingers at least.

He seemed to read her desperation because he circled those nerves just once more before taking his fingers and—

“Can I feel inside of you?”

So many questions and not enough movement. God she loved him. She loved him so much.

“Yes! Oh my gods Lucien, just don’t stop,” she didn’t even recognize her own voice. The raw and sex-addled tone of it combined with her desperation to keep his mouth and fingers on her.

“Alright, my lady. Needy aren’t we?”

She couldn’t even fathom how he could call her a lady right now in this moment, but she definitely couldn’t fathom anything anymore when he gently eased his finger inside her.

The feeling itself wasn’t pleasurable, but when he curled it slightly, some specific spot in her core was applied with just the right pressure and she started seeing stars.

She didn’t climax, she didn’t think. Not as she started to feel him pumping his, now two, fingers in and out of her. Then, another finger began massaging the nerves at her center. The sensations collided to strike her with an overwhelming sense of pleasure.

She covered her mouth, biting her hand to keep from moaning louder than previously, and tilted her head back into the soft ivory pillows. She felt like she was melting on a bed of clouds. She felt utterly ruined and near out of control as Lucien thoroughly wrung her pleasure out from her in steady rhythms.

Suddenly, she felt a build in her lower abdomen. Anticipation tingled her spine, as her muffled moans and gasps started to get more desperate, yet sporadic. She felt like she was getting pushed to the edge of a cliff, awaiting a fall that would send her out of her own body.

Lucien didn’t slow for any second. He kept massaging and pumping, while also murmuring words of praise to his mate. Mate. She was his mate. She was his and he was hers. Nothing would change that or come between them ever again.

“Let go, Elain,” he cooed gently, “you look so beautiful like this, just let go. Don’t hold back anymore.”

His words knocked her from her ledge, and she felt her vision white. She couldn’t help but cry out as she came on his fingers. He slowed down with each of her pants, allowing her aftershock to run through the rest of her body.

He pressed a kiss to the inside of her thighs before bracing himself back above her. She looked utterly beautiful like this. Naked beneath him, panting for breath as she tried to find some level of comprehension, and her hair fanned out beneath her in a long golden-brown cape. He couldn’t help but savor this moment. Drink in every inch of skin, every heave from her chest, and every pleading look she gave him.

“Do you still want more?” His breath was a needed warmth against her skin. And, somehow the after effect of her climax seemed to disappear entirely with his question. A newfound energy now buzzed through her as she nodded.

A muscle in his jaw flickered as he said, “Well you’re probably more than ready now.”

They both chuckled as he returned to his original position when they had first laid upon the bed: his cock lined at her entrance, and her finger tips digging into the skin of his sculpted shoulders.

He didn’t take his eyes from hers as he slowly hooked one hand behind her knee and rode it up. She felt more open like this. Like he could just sink into her with one motion if he tried.

“Keep your legs like this. It will feel better, I promise.”

His cock now brushed against her entrance, and she grinded her hips to feel at least some sort of friction. They both groaned at the feeling.

Then, he brushed his lips against hers before capturing them in a passionate kiss. She opened for him, letting his tongue sweep in and taste and tease.

Simultaneously, she felt a slight nudge against her entrance. A fleeting push, then it was gone. Again that nudge against her entrance, and she felt the shape of the tip inside of her. But then it was gone.

“Faster. Please, faster,” she whined against Lucien’s lips.

This time she felt him push in, not fully, but with more of a gentle force than before. Her entire body locked as he pushed in again, this time hitting that same pressure point in her core that made her see stars. She moaned and kissed him again, encouraging him to keep going. Go faster and harder and just completely ruin her–

He kept pushing in and pulling out, forcing her to feel every change in his movement. Forcing her to feel every moment of their joining. No more pain.

He pushed in again, not fully seated inside her, but close to it. She could feel the brush of his balls against her center which meant one more little thrust, and he would be all the way in. No more loneliness.

Then with much anticipation he thrust all the way in. Her core clamped down around all of him at once, causing him to moan softly— such a beautiful sound. No more walls between them.

This was heavenly and everything at the same time. She would never get enough of it, of him. She needed everything he had to offer, and she would give him everything that she could in return. Lucien, her mate.

Again they lost themselves in the kisses and touching, but as Lucien slid all the way out to then gently push back in, Elain cried out. Her whimpers and moans encouraged him to move in a steady rhythm in and out. He would thrust and push and massage himself in all of the right places inside her that she couldn’t help but hold onto him for dear life.

She couldn’t remember her name or anything else for that matter besides him. His name, his eyes, his scent—

She didn’t even recognize the building pressure in her stomach until it reached its peak, and she was at that cliff again. This time, she was begging for the fall. Begging for them to go together.

“I want you to go with me. I want us to go together,” she gasped. Lucien nodded before kissing her brow.

“I love you, Lucien.”

He grunted which ended in a whimper as her core clamped down around him again. He was close, she could feel it. They both were at the knife’s edge of their pleasure. One more thrust and they would both be gone, lost to their uncontrollable desire for one another.

Suddenly a glow began to seep from Lucien’s skin. At first, Elain thought it was just his beauty and her exertion— she was starting to see her mate glow. But then as he thrust home, hitting that spot in her core that made her hips buck, she realized he was actually illuminating.

She climaxed hard enough to feel like her body had left this world. Right then, Lucien cried out as his release finally hit him hard. He crumpled over her, bracing himself up to keep from crushing her. However, Elain pulled him close, mindlessly stroking at his glowing skin even though her chest racked for breaths.

They didn’t know for how long they laid like that. Mindlessly caressing the other, panting for breaths, and trying to piece their minds back together.

Finally, he took a long breath before easing himself out of her. As she whined a bit at the loss of fullness, a warm trail of his seed leaked from her core and onto the soft skin of her inner thigh. He collapsed into the assortment of silk pillows next to her, causing both of them to bounce slightly.

In unison they both huffed a fatigued laugh.

“How do you feel?” He asked, voice raw and still recovering from the whole ordeal.

“I feel...” she turned to her glowing mate, who seemed to not realize for whatever reason that he was glowing practically golden right next to her. It must be his Day Court magic. “I feel wonderful.”

They both smiled, and he seemed to glow even brighter at that. Her eyes squinted a bit to adjust to the brightness of the light.

“You’re glowing, Lucien. Literally.”

Lucien’s brows lifted slightly before raising a hand to his face. He only studied the light for an instant, the way his whole skin illuminated like a lantern, then he turned back to his mate with an unrestrained smile.

“What?” Elain chuckled quite coyly. Lucien only shrugged as he reached over to brush a lock of hair away from her face.

“I’m happy.”

And the awe in which he spoke it and the way his eyes roamed over her body while his hand traced gentle chaste circles on her skin was enough to make Elain believe he hadn’t felt so in a long long time. She wanted to cry, cheer, and laugh for both of them. Everything they had endured had led them to each other and this moment. Her mate. His mate.

This time she leaned in to kiss him again— so much kissing between them. However, this one held gratitude and compassion all at once. And when Elain lost her breath and needed to break apart for just a moment, just to catch her breath, Lucien leaned back in to peck at her lips.

Finally, they both laid there synchronizing their breathing while mindlessly touching each other again. His magic hadn’t relented a bit. His heartbeat still ached with mirth and glee, so he just simply shined brighter than any star.

Like the sun scared away the dark, Lucien forced away the fears, doubts, and hardships from the past. They were both here, entangled with one another, with the mating bond glowing like a forge of gold between them. For if that was the truth of their circumstance, then nothing else mattered.

. . .

Now I’m gonna go hide in a corner🫣

[csuitebitches]

I apologize for the long ask and if this question is a bit juvenile but objectively, how can one “gain” pretty privilege/gauge how they are viewed? I’ve done well in career pursuits for how early on I am ( I graduated in 2020) but started noticing that the invites to events/opportunities where one can really establish themselves not only professionally but socially, I was getting passed over by some higher up colleagues. In speaking to a female mentor who is related to my field and the same background as me (Black), she alluded that while my race may play a small factor in it, it’s more so my appearance that may be holding me back as the personality and poise is there. Some coworkers of mine who are brilliant and POC have similar credentials and positions as I and while we are all wonderful and hard working, they (who I feel are more beautiful and put together looks-wise) have discussed privately to me they have noticed a difference in treatment between us. While it’s not right, I am adult enough to know not to let things that can be fixed hinder the life I want. Your page is a wealth of information and I appreciate how encouraging you are!!

well. I’m going to be very blunt.

it’s all fun and games to say “oh fuck the beauty standards they’re terrible and they shouldn’t exist” yes, true, unfortunately they do exist and they play a bigger role than we imagine it to be.

the first thing you have to get right is your mindset.

you need to be strong enough to admit that you need changes in X, Y, Z area but not in A, B, C area. You also need to be a little loyal towards your racial identity (for the better or worse) because that’s what is going to make you stand out.

if you have a sensitive, overly emotional mindset and you get hurt very easily / become obsessive by nature, I highly recommend you to STOP reading now.

Understand what is considered pretty in your country and area. Even in one country, beauty standards can different from the north and south. Don’t exactly try to become attractive for the opposite sex but understand what they find attractive because these guys are your primary responders to your pretty privilege. Women will be kind on the surface and so it can be difficult to get constructive criticism from them.

Understand what YOU consider pretty. Who are the women who you think are crazy beautiful? What do they look like, dress like, how’s their hair and their make up, can you replicate any of it? Rule of thumb when it comes to hair and beauty - look at influencers / celebs who are of your racial background for the best fit.

there are always a few things that are universally considered “respectfully attractive” not “you wanna fuck me attractive”- semi modesty/ modesty outfits (my father always told me that when in doubt, go for a more conservative look), hygiene, well kept hair, clean nails and toe nails, soft skin, natural make up, natural hair colour, perfume, clothes that fit, skin care, a workout routine.

pretty privilege is not just the art of looking pretty. It’s also bringing in something of value on the table. Value = money / connections / knowledge/ humour / being the fun social person / whatever value the target group considers to be the most important for you to be relevant to them. Work on your soft skills. It’s better to look half baked but have solid soft skills than to look amazing and not know how to converse.

things that one normally notices when meeting someone new:

Skin - is it clear, is the make up overdone?

hair - is it messy or does it suit your face structure?

how you smell

teeth, when you talk - and dental hygiene

shoes - are they filthy?

shirt/ top - does it fit you well (always check that the seams on your shoulder and your actual shoulder line up), the colour of your clothes

body type, posture, how you carry yourself

start with incremental changes. Make a list of things you think you could improve on (this is not a list of “ugly” things, it’s an “improvement/ potential” list). Sort them according to ease of improvement (is this going to be expensive and difficult or affordable and easy?) and time (can this be done overnight or will it take some time).

Use point 1 and 2 only as launching pads. You do not have to look like Beyoncé, you’re simply understanding what her MUA and hair stylist does for her that could work for you. After a point, you have to ensure that YOUR identify sticks out and is still there, you’re not born to imitate someone else and also, it’s very obvious when someone is trying to be someone they’re not.

again. I repeat. If you’re going to get obsessive and make yourself sick over this it’s NOT WORTH IT. If you’re not mentally capable of making these changes, do not go through it.

[ideas-live-forever]

Hi there 👋 I love your Ken imagines and have a request if you're up for it! What if the reader is sad and Ken sees them crying and he's confused because he's never seen tears before. He tries different things to cheer them up. 💗

Ken Cheering You Up After Crying

hi!! thank you so much for being my first request! your idea is so cute, this was fun to write :)

sorry if it’s a little all over the place, i got a little carried away 😭. let me know if it’s not what you wanted

Ken comes over to your house one day after you’re finished with work for your planned sleepover

You answer the door with a dampened mood, but he brushes it off as you being tired or something

He comes with you into the kitchen to help cook dinner, and notices that you aren’t as prepared as usual

You keep forgetting things, or misreading the recipe

Eventually, Ken caves into his thoughts and asks if you’re okay

To which you immediately start crying

At first he thinks you’re actively dying or something

He’s never seen tears before

Kinda freezes for a minute, just looking at you with fear and pain and love mixed around in his eyes

Stays like that until you apologize 

“I’m sorry-“ You manage to get out between sniffles. “Didn’t mean to start crying.”

“No, no, don’t apologize!” Ken hurries to make up for his lack of immediate confort. “I just don’t know- are you okay? I mean like, does that hurt?”

You notice him pointing at the tears on your cheeks with a curiously gentle look on his face.  It clicks on your head that he might not even have seen tears up to this point. That thought makes you smile a little.

“No, Ken,” You explain. “It’s just a thing people do when they feel strong emotions like sadness. It actually feels kind of good.”

You sniffle a little bit more and wipe your eyes. Once he knows what you mean, a wave of relief hits him. You’re not dying. Then he realizes what you said.

“Wait, you’re sad?” He asks, before noticing how obvious that was. “No, don’t answer that. How can I help you?”

You haven’t really had people ask that before, so you just kinda shrugged 

But Ken didn’t take that for an answer 

He’s immediately trying to think of ways to cheer you up 

The first thing he can think of is asking you what’s wrong

So he brings you out of the kitchen and into the living room where he sits with you on the couch

He watches intently as you talk, interjecting little comments to prove he’s listening

After you’re finished, he gives you a hug and says how proud of you he is for telling him

If you’re still crying at this point, his worry spikes a bit, but he’s determined to help

He all but carrie’s you to your room so you can lay down after a long day

Brings you a glass of water and puts on something for you to watch

Then he disappears for a suspicious amount of time, which is weird, because he’d usually jump right in to cuddle

You actually fall asleep for half an hour or so

Eventually, you hear a squeal from somewhere in your house and get up to investigate

You round the corner of your house into your kitchen where you see Ken standing with your apron on and flour dusted all over his face. He holds out a plate with a waffle on it. It’s still hot, fresh off of the iron. He looks at you with a huge grin and the proudest look on his face.

“I made you dinner.” He states importantly. 

You have to hold in a giggle at that. Not that you wouldn’t eat a waffle for dinner. The poor guy probably didn’t know how to make much else. You smile back at him. All of the effort he’s putting in to help you feel better is really working. 

“Aw, thank you,” You say, reaching for the plate. “You didn’t have to do that.”

Ken shakes his head.

“Of course I did! You were sad. And waffles make me happy, so I’m just kind of hoping you like them too?” He adds the last part with an almost shy tone, blushing a bit.

The kitchen was a huge mess because he lowkey sucks at cooking, but he cleans it as you eat so no worries

Of course you eat the waffle

And he watches you closely, trying to gauge whether or not it’s working

You’ve obviously cheered up a lot, but he refuses to rest until your mood is perfect 

As soon as you finish, he cleans up your plate and then brings you back to your room for cuddles

He wraps his arms around your waist and rests his head on your shoulder, trying to make you as comfortable as possible

He whispers cute little compliments in your ear until you’re both kind of tired

“Are you still sad?” He whispers, nuzzling into your shoulder.

Ken let’s out a yawn, tired from worrying about you all evening. But i’m the moment there is nowhere he’d rather be. He kisses your shoulder lightly as he awaits a response.

“No,” You answer, a small smile playing on your lips. “Thank you so much, by the way. You don’t have to do all that every time I cry you know.”

He lets out a little hum of contemplation at that before he ultimately makes up his mind.

“I know. But a little extra work doesn’t hurt me nearly as much as you hurting does.” He murmurs sleepily, his words a little jumbled

He’s just a loving, sleepy guy

You fall asleep in a better mood then you’ve been in all week

[stolenorchids]

WARNINGS - this drink may include the following: fem!reader, use of y/n, phone sex, teasing, marking, oral (fem!receiving), mutual masturbation, use of the word 'god' (not really a warning, however apparently people get triggered by it, so, y'know), swearing, only proof-read once - I think that's all, but please let me know if I missed anything^^

ALC percentage - 5.7% (5.7k words)

the stream was in full swing, the chat buzzing with emotes and inside jokes as Shoto leaned back in his chair, his mischievous grin practically lighting up the screen. his voice carried that playful confidence his fans adored, and his vtuber model mimicked his smirk perfectly.

"alright, chat," he drawled, glancing at the cascading wall of messages. "we’ve got a guest today - someone you all seem to be obsessed with. can you guess who it is?"

the chat immediately exploded with excitement: "IT'S HER!!" and "FINALLY LET'S GO!"

"you guessed it. let’s welcome the one and only-" he paused, dragging it out just long enough to make the anticipation unbearable. "our very own shy queen."

the discord call connected, and your voice came through, soft but warm. "hi, Shoto. hi, chat." the stream erupted with hearts and inside jokes. Shoto tilted his head slightly, his avatar following suit, as he leaned closer to his mic. "you sound nervous, y/n. am I making you blush already?" you chuckled softly. "you wish, Shoto."

the chat exploded.

for the next hour, the two of you bounced off each other effortlessly, the rhythm of teasing and laughter keeping the energy alive. Shoto, true to form, leaned into his flirtatious side, making sure the chat was in on the fun.

"you’re too quiet, y/n," he teased, his voice dipping into mock seriousness. "you’re supposed to help me carry the stream! unless…" he leaned closer, his avatar’s mischievous smirk sharpening as his tone softened. "you just like hearing me talk, huh?"

the audience immediately erupted, spamming "HE'S AT IT AGAIN" and "RIZZ MASTER."

Shoto grinned, fully expecting the usual shy laugh and change of topic. but this time, you surprised him.

"you know," you said after a pause, your voice light but steady, "I do like hearing you talk. it’s cute: watching you try so hard to impress me."

the silence on his end was deafening, though only for a moment. his vtuber model stilled for half a second before suddenly throwing its arms up in exaggerated shock as Shoto burst out laughing.

"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!" he screamed out, leaning back in his chair, his avatar mimicking the motion. the chat erupted, spamming "SHE GOT HIM" and "CLIP IT CLIP IT!"

Shoto covered his face with his hands, his voice breaking into a flustered laugh. "y/n, you can’t just - where did THAT come from?!"

you grinned, enjoying his reaction. "what? you flirt with everyone all the time. I figured it was my turn."

"your turn?!" Shoto repeated, tugging at his hoodie strings. his model mimicked the motion, his face still red as he stammered. "chat, help me! she’s turning the tables, and I wasn’t ready for it!"

the chat doubled down, spamming "SHE'S TOO POWERFUL" and "RIZZ WAR DECLARED."

"alright, alright," he said finally, pointing toward the camera like he was accusing you of a crime. "you win this round. but don’t think I’m letting you off easy next time."

you giggled, your usual shyness melting away as you leaned into the playful atmosphere. "looking forward to it."

for the rest of the stream, Shoto was visibly more cautious, his usual flirtatious quips replaced with dramatic pauses as though gauging your next move. the chat noticed too, poking fun at how he was now "playing it safe."

but everyone could tell - this new dynamic was only the beginning.

the stream wound down after another hour of playful banter and shared laughter, the tension from your earlier comment still lingering in the air. Shoto’s usual energy had shifted slightly - not lessened, but… focused. every time you spoke, he seemed to hang on your words just a little longer, and the chat didn’t miss a thing.

"HE'S BLUSHING AGAIN," they spammed. "HER RIZZ IS TOO STRONG."

"alright chat," Shoto said, his voice carrying an edge of finality, though he still wore that trademark smirk. "it’s about time to wrap things up. any last words for y/n before we kick her out of the discord call forever?"

you snorted softly. "kicking me out already? I thought I was carrying the stream, Shoto."

the chat loved it, spamming "SHE'S TOO SAVAGE" and "ROUND TWO INCOMING."

"okay, okay," he replied, leaning back in his chair. his avatar mimicked the motion, arms crossing over its chest in a mock pout. "you carried… for like, ten minutes. I did most of the work."

"sure you did," you replied, your voice dripping with sarcasm.

Shoto chuckled, his laughter trailing off into a quieter hum as the chat started spamming goodbyes and hearts. "alright y/n, say goodbye to the gremlins before they start crying."

you laughed. "bye, chat. thanks for having me!"

as the discord call ended and the stream screen transitioned to Shoto’s “thank you for watching” animation, you sighed softly, leaning back in your chair. and just as you were about to close the discord tab, Shoto’s voice popped back in through a private call.

"hey…" he said, his tone noticeably softer now that the stream was over. "got a second?"

you clicked to rejoin the call, your curiosity piqued. "what’s up?"

there was a pause, the comfortable hum of silence stretching between you two. then he spoke again, his voice losing its usual bravado.

"so…" he began, drawing out the word as though testing the waters. "you really caught me off guard earlier."

you grinned, your confidence from the stream still lingering. "oh? wasn’t that the point?"

"okay, listen," he said, laughing lightly, though it carried a nervous edge. you’re not supposed to turn my own game against me. that’s illegal."

"illegal?" you teased. "I thought it was fair play."

"you’re dangerous," he replied, and this time his voice dipped just slightly - a subtle shift that sent a shiver down your spine. "and I don’t think you realize what you started."

his words hung in the air, the playful tone from earlier now carrying something heavier, something more deliberate. you felt your cheeks warm, though you couldn’t tell if it was from embarrassment or anticipation.

"careful, Shoto," you replied, your voice quieter now. "you’re making it sound like you’re planning your revenge already."

there was a low chuckle on his end, the kind that made your breath hitch. "oh, I’m not planning anything." he paused, his voice softening even further. "i’m just thinking about how bold you were today. it was…new."

"did you not like it?" you asked, your heart pounding.

"like it?" he echoed, a teasing lilt creeping back into his tone. "I loved it. but now I’m wondering if that boldness is just for show… or if it’s real."

your breath caught in your throat. there it was - that unspoken tension that had been simmering beneath the surface all night, now bubbling to the top.

"why don’t you find out?" you said before you could stop yourself, the words slipping out in a low, almost challenging tone.

the line went quiet for a moment, the weight of your words settling. when Shoto finally spoke, his voice was low, almost a whisper.

"careful, y/n," he said, his usual teasing replaced with something darker, more intimate. "you might not be ready for what happens if I do."

the silence after his words was deafening, the weight of them settling deep in your chest. you could hear your own heartbeat, pounding steadily in your ears as Shoto’s soft laughter broke through the quiet.

"speechless?" he teased, his voice carrying a low hum of satisfaction. "that’s a first."

you swallowed hard, gripping your phone a little tighter. his confidence was intoxicating, but the shift in his tone - the way it lingered in that space between teasing and serious - made your pulse quicken.

"not speechless," you countered, your voice steady despite the nerves bubbling in your stomach. "just wondering if you’re all talk."

that earned a sharp inhale from his end. his chuckle returned, darker now, like you’d just issued a challenge he was eager to accept.

"y/n," he said softly, his voice curling around your name in a way that sent a shiver down your spine. "you’re playing a dangerous game right now."

"and you’re the one who started it," you shot back, though your tone betrayed the mix of excitement and hesitation you felt.

"fair enough," he murmured, and you could hear the shift in his posture - the faint creak of his chair as he leaned forward, as if closing the distance between you, even through the screen.

the air between you felt thick now, the playful edge giving way to something far more intense.

"you know," he began, his voice quieter now, almost intimate. "i’ve always wondered how far you’d let me take this. the teasing, the flirting... I didn’t think you’d ever actually bite back."

"well, you seemed so confident," you replied, letting your voice dip just slightly, testing the waters. "I didn’t think you’d fluster so easily."

a low groan slipped from his lips, and you swore you heard his chair creak again. "you’re gonna regret saying that," he muttered, though there was no malice in his tone - just a simmering heat that sent your thoughts spiraling.

"am I?" you whispered, your voice barely audible, yet enough to make him pause.

for a moment, you thought he might laugh it off, but instead, he let the silence hang, heavy and charged. when he finally spoke, his words sent a jolt through you.

"turn your camera on."

your breath hitched. the request was simple, but the command in his tone left no room for argument.

"Shoto-"

"please." he added quickly, softening the edge just enough to make it feel like a choice. "I want to see you."

your hands trembled slightly as you adjusted your webcam, the soft click of the activation sounding louder than it should have. when your face appeared on your screen, you saw his vtuber model react in sync with him - his usual mischievous smirk replaced with a more focused expression, his avatar leaning in as if he were truly watching you.

"hi…" you said softly, feeling vulnerable under his gaze.

"hi," he murmured back, his voice lower now. "you look... flushed."

you bit your lip, suddenly hyper-aware of how warm your face felt. "well, whose fault is that?"

"mine." he said without hesitation, his smirk returning. "and I’m not done yet."

your breath hitched as his model leaned closer, and you could feel the tension in his voice. “you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to see this side of you, y/n. you’re usually so shy. it’s cute, but… this?"

"what about this?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

"this confidence," he said, his tone dropping further. "it’s driving me crazy."

his words sent a jolt of heat through you, and you couldn’t stop the small smile that crept onto your lips. "good," you replied, surprising even yourself with your boldness.

there was a sharp intake of breath on his end. "god, you’re gonna kill me," he muttered, his voice carrying a raw edge that sent shivers down your spine.

for a moment, neither of you spoke, the silence filled with the weight of everything unspoken between you. when he finally broke it, his voice was barely audible.

"if I were there right now," he began, his words slow and deliberate, "I wouldn’t hold back."

"then it’s a good thing you’re not," you replied, though your voice wavered slightly.

"why’s that?" he asked, his tone sharp, challenging.

"because I wouldn’t either," you admitted, the words slipping out before you could think twice.

his low growl of approval sent a wave of heat crashing through you. "y/n..."

the way he said your name felt like a caress, and suddenly, the distance between you felt unbearable.

"tell me what you’d do," he said, his voice rough with restraint.

your heart pounded in your chest as his words wrapped around you, pulling you into a heady mix of anticipation and desire. the playful banter from earlier felt like a distant memory now, replaced by something far more intimate, far more dangerous.

"i’d…" you hesitated, feeling the weight of his gaze even through the screen. "i’d make you regret teasing me so much."

his laugh was soft, almost disbelieving. "oh, i’d love to see you try."

your confidence surged, the tension between you thick and electric. "maybe one day you will."

"i’ll hold you to that," he said, his voice a low promise.

the call stretched on for multiple hours, as the line between teasing and something far deeper had vanished. Shoto’s voice, warm and low through your headphones, filled the quiet of your room. the tension between you had reached its peak, and neither of you seemed willing - or able - to pull back.

"I don’t think you realize what you’re doing to me," he said, his voice rougher now, like he was struggling to keep his composure.

"what am I doing to you?" you asked, a playful lilt in your tone, though your body betrayed the growing ache that his words ignited.

"everything," he admitted without hesitation, the single word wrapping around you like a tether, pulling you closer to the edge of something you’d never expected.

the camera feed was still on, his vtuber model animating on one side of your screen, but the image seemed distant now, insignificant compared to the sound of his voice and the heat in his words.

"you have no idea how long I’ve thought about this," he continued, his tone slow, deliberate. "hearing your voice like this, knowing how flustered you are right now. it’s driving me insane."

"i’m not flustered," you tried to argue, though the breathy quality of your voice gave you away.

Shoto chuckled softly, and the sound sent shivers down your spine. "don’t lie to me, y/n. I can hear it in your voice. you’re just as caught up in this as I am."

your cheeks burned as his words pulled a soft gasp from your lips. you shifted slightly in your seat, the ache between your thighs growing impossible to ignore.

"and you’re not helping," you muttered, your voice quieter now.

"good," he replied, his voice dropping lower. "I don’t want to help. I want to make it worse."

the intensity in his tone made your breath hitch, and you bit your lip to keep from making a sound. Shoto’s sharp intake of breath told you he knew exactly what you were doing.

"don’t do that," he said softly, his voice almost a growl.

"do what?"

"bite your lip," he replied, his words sending a jolt of heat through you. "you don’t know what it does to me."

a rush of boldness surged through you, and you leaned closer to your mic, your voice dropping into a whisper. "what if I do know?"

silence followed, heavy and charged, before Shoto let out a low, frustrated groan.

"y/n, you’re killing me," he muttered, his voice strained.

"good," you replied, echoing his earlier words, your confidence growing with every sound he made.

the air between you crackled with unspoken desire, the distance between your two rooms feeling unbearably vast. you could hear the subtle shift of his chair, the faint rustle of fabric as he adjusted himself, and the thought sent a flush of heat through your body.

"tell me what you’re doing right now," he said suddenly, his voice rough with need.

Your breath hitched, the vulnerability of the question sending a thrill through you. "I…" you hesitated, your pulse pounding in your ears.

"don’t hold back," he urged, his tone softening just enough to coax you forward. "I want to hear you."

your fingers trembled as you trailed them over the hem of your shirt, your voice barely audible as you replied. "i’m…touching myself."

a low curse slipped from his lips, the sound unraveling what little composure you had left. "fuck, y/n," he muttered, his voice filled with raw want. "you have no idea how much I wish I could be there right now."

"tell me what you’d do," you whispered, your own voice trembling with anticipation.

Shoto’s response was immediate, his words spilling out in a husky rush. "i’d start slow," he said, his voice like a caress. "my hands on your thighs, pushing them apart so I could see you. i’d take my time, make you beg for it."

a soft whimper escaped your lips at the vividness of his words, and Shoto groaned in response.

"are you touching yourself now?" you asked, your voice barely a breath.

"yeah," he admitted, the rawness in his tone making your whole body thrum with heat. "I can’t stop thinking about you. the way you sound, the way you’d feel under me..."

his words broke something in you, and you let your own restraint slip, your soft gasps filling the space between his deep, ragged breaths. the distance between you no longer mattered - every word, every sound, pulled you closer together, until it felt like you were sharing the same space, the same air.

"Shoto," you murmured, his name slipping from your lips like a plea.

"i’m here," he replied, his voice a quiet promise. "i’ve got you."

your breath came in soft, uneven gasps, your hand brushing over your thighs as Shoto’s voice wrapped around you, pulling you deeper into the moment. his tone, once playful, was now rough and unrestrained, each word carrying the weight of his desire.

"y/n," he murmured, your name falling from his lips like a prayer. "tell me what you’re feeling right now."

your cheeks burned as your fingers slipped beneath the hem of your shorts, trailing over the sensitive skin just above your inner thigh. "I feel…" you hesitated, your voice trembling with need, "warm…needy."

Shoto’s low groan echoed through your headphones, sending a shiver down your spine. "fuck," he muttered, his breath hitching. "keep going. tell me everything."

you bit your lip, your movements tentative as your fingers dipped lower, brushing against the damp fabric between your thighs. "i’m so wet," you whispered, your voice barely audible.

"god," he breathed, his voice filled with longing. "do you have any idea what you’re doing to me right now?"

"tell me," you urged, your confidence building with every sound he made as your hand slipped the fabric of your underwear to the side.

his voice dropped lower, rough with restraint. "i’m so hard, y/n. I can’t stop thinking about you."

the confession sent a jolt of heat through your body, and you let out a soft moan, unable to hold back. Shoto’s sharp intake of breath told you he’d heard it, and his reaction only fueled your need.

"let me hear you," he said, his tone commanding but tender. "I want to know exactly how good you feel."

your fingers slipped beneath the fabric you just pulled to the side, gliding over the slick heat between your thighs. you let out a soft, breathy whimper, your head falling back against the chair as you lost yourself in the sensations.

"that’s it," Shoto murmured, his voice like a caress. "touch yourself for me. pretend it’s me."

your movements quickened as you dipped your ring finger into your pussy, your breaths growing heavier as his words spurred you on. "Shoto," you gasped, his name falling from your lips like a mantra.

"i’m right here," he replied, his own voice thick with arousal. you could hear the faint, rhythmic sounds on his end, his breathing uneven as he worked himself in time with you.

"I want to feel you," you whispered, the words slipping out before you could think. "I want your hands on me, your lips..."

"say it," he urged, his voice tight with need. "tell me exactly what you want me to do to you."

your inhibitions melted away under the weight of his voice, and you let the words flow freely. "I want you to pin me down," you confessed, your voice trembling with a mix of shyness and boldness. "I want to feel your hands on my thighs, your fingers inside me…"

Shoto groaned deeply, the sound sending a wave of heat crashing over you. "fuck, y/n," he muttered, his voice strained. "i’d spread you open so I could see every inch of you. i’d take my time, make you beg for more."

the vividness of his words sent you spiraling as you added your middle finger, the added friction only fueling you on as your movements grew desperate and you chased the release building inside you. your soft gasps and whimpers filled the space between you, mixing with Shoto’s rough, uneven breaths.

"i’m close," you whispered, your voice barely audible.

"me too," he replied, his tone ragged. "cum for me, y/n. let me hear you."

the command in his voice pushed you over the edge, and you cried out, your body trembling as waves of pleasure washed over you. Shoto followed moments later, his deep, guttural groan filling your headphones as he reached his own release.

the silence that followed was warm and heavy, the air between you still charged with the intimacy of the moment.

"y/n," Shoto murmured after a while, his voice soft and filled with affection.

"yeah?" you replied, your heart still racing.

"I meant what I said," he continued, his tone quieter now, more vulnerable. "if I were there, I wouldn’t be able to hold back."

you smiled, a warmth spreading through your chest. "maybe one day you won’t have to."

the heat between you hadn’t subsided, not even hours later. after you’d both succumbed to the intimacy of the moment, the call lingered on, neither of you willing to let go of the connection you’d found. Shoto’s voice, once playful and teasing, had softened, carrying a warmth that made your heart ache in the best way.

"are you still thinking about it?" he asked, his voice low and intimate.

"about what?" you teased, though the flush in your cheeks betrayed you.

"don’t play coy," he murmured. "you know exactly what."

your lips curved into a smile as you leaned back in your chair, feeling the warmth of the screen light on your skin. "maybe I am," you admitted, your voice soft but honest.

"good," he replied, the smirk audible in his tone. "because I can’t stop thinking about it either. about you."

the weight of his words settled over you, sending a thrill through your chest. for so long, the playful banter between you had felt safe, like a dance you both knew the steps to. but now, it was different - real, raw, and impossible to ignore.

"you know," he began, a hint of hesitation creeping into his voice, "i’ve been thinking about seeing you. for real."

your breath caught, your heart skipping a beat as his words hung in the air. "you mean…?"

"in person," he clarified, his tone firmer now. "I want to meet you, y/n. I want to see your face, hear your voice without a mic, hold you..."

the vulnerability in his voice made your chest tighten, and you felt a soft, giddy smile spread across your lips. "Shoto," you murmured, your voice tinged with affection. "i’d like that."

"yeah?" he asked, the excitement in his tone unmistakable.

"yeah," you replied, your heart racing at the mere thought.

the idea took root between you, growing more tangible with every passing minute. plans began to form - a weekend, a city, a quiet, private space where the two of you could finally let the tension between you reach its peak.

the hotel room was quiet, save for the soft hum of the air conditioning. you stood near the window, your heart pounding in your chest as you stared out at the city skyline. you’d arrived an hour ago, nerves buzzing in your veins as you waited for the knock on the door.

when it finally came, your breath caught, and you hesitated for a moment before crossing the room. your hand trembled slightly as you reached for the handle, the weight of everything leading up to this moment pressing down on you.

and then, you opened the door.

Shoto stood there, looking every bit as handsome as you’d imagined. his hair was slightly tousled, his dark eyes warm and intense as they met yours. for a moment, neither of you spoke, the silence stretching between you as you took each other in.

"hi.." he said finally, his voice softer than you’d ever heard it.

"hi.." you replied, your lips curving into a shy smile.

without another word, he stepped forward, his arms wrapping around you in a firm, grounding embrace. the scent of him - clean, warm, undeniably him - filled your senses, and you melted against him, your nerves easing as you felt the solid weight of his body against yours.

"you’re real…" he murmured, his breath warm against your ear.

"so are you…" you replied, your voice barely above a whisper.

when he pulled back, his hands lingered on your waist, his gaze searching yours as if to confirm that this moment wasn’t just a dream. slowly, he leaned in, his lips brushing against yours in a tentative, gentle kiss.

it started soft, testing, but the heat between you ignited quickly. his hands slid up to cup your face, tilting your head to deepen the kiss as his tongue teased against yours. a soft whimper escaped your lips, and he groaned in response, his fingers tightening against your skin.

"do you have any idea how long i’ve wanted to do this?" he murmured against your lips, his voice rough with restraint.

"show me…" you whispered, your hands tangling in his hair as you pulled him closer.

he didn’t need to be told twice. his lips trailed down your jaw, pressing heated kisses along the curve of your neck as his hands roamed your body, exploring every inch of you he could reach. when his teeth scraped lightly against your skin, you gasped, your nails digging into his shoulders.

"fuck-" he muttered, his breath hot against your neck. "you’re even more perfect than I imagined."

your knees buckled at his words, and he guided you back toward the bed, his body pressing you down against the cool sheets. his hands slipped beneath your shirt, the warmth of his palms sending shivers through you as he slid the fabric up and over your head.

"you’re beautiful," he murmured, his eyes dark with desire as he took in the sight of you.

heat rushed to your cheeks, but before you could respond, his lips were on yours again, hungry and demanding. his hands traced the curves of your body, his touch igniting a fire that burned through every inch of you.

when his lips trailed lower, leaving a path of wet kisses down your chest and stomach, you arched into him, your breath coming in soft, desperate gasps. the sensation of his hands and mouth on your skin was overwhelming, and the air between you was thick with anticipation, every small movement charged with electricity. Shoto's hands slid over your skin with deliberate care, his touch both firm and gentle, as if he were memorizing every curve and line of your body. his lips trailed over the soft skin of your neck, pausing to nip and suck, leaving purple and red marks that sent shivers through you.

"you're so sensitive…" he murmured against your skin, his voice filled with wonder and desire. "every little sound you make is driving me crazy."

your fingers tangled in his dark hair, tugging gently as you arched beneath him, your breaths coming in soft, uneven gasps. "you’re one to talk," you whispered, your voice trembling but teasing. "I can feel how much you want this."

a low groan escaped him at your words, and his hips pressed against yours, his erection evident even through the layers of clothing still between you. "you have no idea…" he muttered, his tone rough with restraint.

you reached for the hem of his shirt, your fingers brushing over the warm skin of his stomach as you tugged it upward. he helped you, pulling it off in one swift motion before leaning back over you, his bare chest pressing against yours. the heat of his skin against yours made your breath hitch, and you ran your hands over his shoulders, down his back, savoring the feel of him beneath your fingertips.

"god you’re beautiful…" he muttered, his lips brushing against your collarbone as his hands slid down to your hips. he hooked his fingers into the waistband of your shorts, his gaze meeting yours as he slowly began to tug them down. "can I?"

you nodded, your heart pounding in your chest as you lifted your hips to help him. his eyes darkened as the fabric slid away, leaving you in just your underwear. his hands roamed over your thighs, his touch both reverent and possessive, as if he couldn't get enough of you.

"god, y/n…" he whispered, his voice thick with desire.

the way he looked at you - like you were the only thing that mattered - made your cheeks flush, but the heat between your thighs demanded more. you reached for him, your hands moving to the button of his jeans, and he let out a sharp breath as you undid them, sliding them down his hips.

when he was finally as bare as you, he leaned down, capturing your lips in a heated kiss. the weight of him pressed against you, his hard length evident even through his boxers, and you couldn't help but let out a soft whimper as your hips shifted instinctively toward him.

"patience," he murmured against your lips, his voice teasing but strained. "I want to take my time with you."

his words sent a shiver through you, and he began a slow exploration of your body, his lips and hands tracing every inch of you. his mouth found the sensitive peaks of your chest, his tongue flicking over one of your nipples before moving to the other, his hand kneading the soft flesh as he sucked gently on the skin.

"Shoto..!" you gasped, your fingers digging into his shoulders as your body arched into him.

"that's it…" he murmured against you, his voice like a command. "let me hear you."

his lips trailed lower, leaving a path of kisses down your stomach, and when his tongue flicked out to tease the sensitive skin just around your still-clothed pussy, you let out a soft cry, your hands gripping the sheets beneath you.

"you're so wet," he murmured, his voice filled with awe. "is this all for me?"

"yes…" you whispered, your voice trembling with need. "only for you."

his eyes flicked up to meet yours, and the intensity in his gaze sent a wave of heat crashing over you. "good," he said softly, his breath warm against your skin. "because i’m not stopping until you’re screaming my name."

as he hears the soft whimpers you let put Shoto quikly drops his head down between your thighs. you let out a breathy sigh as he licks along your thigh, forming small, purple marks.

your head falls back against the pillow as Shoto drags open mouthed kisses up your thigh to your pussy, eyelids heavy and lips parting. you gasp, feeling his tongue sweep along your folds, almost teasing.

your fingers twist the sheets beneath you, back arching up off the bed as your hips jerk when Shoto sucks on your clit, his teeth grazing it just enough to let a shock run through your body.

he moans against you, not specifically loud, but obscene as one of your hands fly from the bed to his hair, tugging lightly at it.

you can feel the way he whimpers against you at your tugging, however he doesn’t look up at you, too focused on his tongue inside of you and the almost euphoric taste you bare. your thighs tighten around his head and you look down at him, your eyes half-lidded and bottom lip tugged into your mouth as you tug harder on his hair.

“fuck…” you breathe out, eyes widening slightly when you notice Shoto grinding his hips against the bed, desperate and erratic, trying to get himself off.

the sight alone sends a shock through your body, a loud moan escaping your throat as you push his head further into you, your lashes fluttering and thighs trembling on either side of his head. as he sucks on your clit your hips instinctively jerk up to grind harder against his face. you squirm as his tongue drags in and out of your pussy repeatedly, your moans turning almost pornographic.

your vision feels blurry and your thigh muscles burn as his tongue fucks you closer and closer to release. 

you try to nudge him, letting him know that you’re close. the lewd sounds of your moans, the sloppy sound of his tongue driving itself in and out of you, flicking over your clit, as well as the creaking of the bed, it’s all too much for you. you can’t keep this up. you fail to notice how your warning comes out as a garbled slur of incomprehensible words.

your entire body spasms when you cum, thrashing in his hold, your free hand flying up to grab the pillow behind your head as you cry out. “ahh!! Shoto~!” as you come down from your high you realize that he must have cum too, as you can feel the way his hips still against the bed, and you distantly hear the moans muffled against your pussy ‘god, he’s shameless,’ you think again as you lay limp against the bed, reeling from your intense orgasm, completely forgetting about how you had sounded the same, if not worse, mere seconds ago.

"are you good?" he asked softly, his forehead resting against yours as he caught his breath.

"more than okay…" you replied, your voice still breathless, and as you lay tangled together, your breaths evening out and your bodies still pressed close, you knew that this was only the beginning of something far deeper - a connection that neither of you would ever let go of.

[daja-the-hypnokitten]

Consent Culture: What it is and isn’t

In some of the hypnokink discord spaces I’m in, I’ve noticed a worrying trend. People saying other folk can’t talk about a specific topic, or use certain words, etc, because they “didn’t consent to that.” It’s a weaponization of consent culture to force *purity* culture, often, and I’m really tired of seeing the culture I fought so hard to help establish be used to silence folk just trying to talk about things they enjoy!

So. Let’s all have a little chat about what consent culture is and means, what it isn’t, and what any given individual’s responsibilities are in a consent culture.

Being in a consent culture means not *doing things* to other people without their consent; touch, sharing information about them, in my community’s context hypnotizing them or using/attempting to use triggers on them… things like that. It also includes giving people space where they can feel comfortable disagreeing, saying ‘no’ to requests, and so on. Respecting other people’s boundaries, and not always demanding their time and energy. It involves making a good faith effort to respect not only the letter of the rules, but the *spirit* of the rules in a space, as well.

It is not, however, shutting down anything that causes anyone in the space discomfort. We’re all adults here, as this is a kink space. As adults, we SHOULD be able to handle a little discomfort. And if something is truly upsetting to you? You can ask something like “hey, can we change the topic,” of course, but if the others don’t want to? Or, if, say, you’re in a public play space and someone is doing a scene you don’t like? That’s when the rule of two feet comes in.

For those who are unfamiliar with the rule/law of two feet, it’s a concept taken from a meeting style called “open spaces” - and loosely what unconferences are based around.

A businessman named Harrison Owen, involved in spaces that promote this philosophy, sums it up thusly:

“Briefly stated, this law says that every individual has two feet, and must be prepared to use them. Responsibility for a successful outcome in any Open Space Event resides with exactly one person—each participant. Individuals can make a difference and must make a difference. If that is not true in a given situation, they, and they alone, must take responsibility to use their two feet, and move to a new place where they can make a difference.”

What does that mean in kink spaces? Well, it’s less about productivity/making a difference, and more about finding the right comfort level. Is a class covering topics that you don’t enjoy? Or is the demo a bit more graphic than you’d like to see? Step out (whether for a moment or the rest of the class) and get some air, going back in later if you want to see if they’ve moved to something you find more comfortable. People talking about a kink that you find squicky or that triggers negative emotions? Walk away for a bit, or stop reading the channel. On places like here, on tumblr, mute a tag/word. Let people enjoy the thing and rejoin them when the topic changes.

Because that’s your responsibility in a consent culture - advocating for your own comfort *in a way that lets people enjoy the things they enjoy.* Sometimes that means you miss out on time with people you like, yes. But it’s better than making people dislike you because you keep telling them that they can’t engage with something they enjoy!

Also? Because it bears calling out, though it’s a bit tangential here? Disgust is not and never will be a gauge of immorality or unethical behaviour. Plenty of people are disgusted by the concept of rape play - but that doesn’t mean that consenting adults engaging in rape play are acting unethically. Some things are both disgusting AND unethical, of course - actual rape, for example! - but if your main reason for saying something is immoral or unethical is “it makes me uncomfortable” or “I find it disgusting”? Probe harder and consider that your aversion may just be distaste, and it isn’t a moral judgement.

Bystander consent is a different topic for another day, mostly, but I do want to note - it tends to come into play when the Rule of 2 Feet doesn’t really work, such as in places of business where employees cannot walk away.

I also want to take a moment to discuss the distinction between consent and having boundaries.

Consent is about things being done to or by you; boundaries are about other people’s actions that are not directly involving you.

So “don’t pull my hair” is a consent line. “Don’t talk about X around me or I’ll stop interacting with you” is a boundary.

“Don’t talk about X around me” without a consequence is just a rule, and outside of power exchange dynamics where the ability to give rules is negotiated? Rules in relationships typically just breed resentment.  But also, if you disagree with a boundary someone is trying to draw for you, and you’re willing to bear the consequences? That *is not* a consent violation. That isn’t what consent is for. Having said that, a violation is a violation - whether a violation of boundaries or of consent - and either can hurt just as much as the other.

And claiming otherwise? Is weaponizing consent culture to manipulate people, whether intentionally or not. And we all need to do better than that.

[laviefantasie]

[ Red In My Ledger ]

Pairings: Iron Man! Gojo Satoru x Black Widow! Reader

Summary: You could never truly forget your past, nor the blood that tainted your skin, but maybe you could learn to live in the present and look towards the future. Maybe you could if he stayed right beside you through it all.

The Avengers Tower was eerily quiet. The usual hum of activity that filled the corridors was replaced with a heavy silence as the team assembled in the war room. The threat that had brought them here was familiar to one person in particular—you—the Black Widow. You stood by the table, arms crossed tightly over your chest, as the rest of the Avengers discussed their next move.

In front of them were the holographic schematics of a highly secured building, its underground chambers filled with secrets—secrets from the past, and some that were better left buried. The remnants of the Red Room program had resurfaced. It wasn’t just a small, isolated group—it was global, with new recruits, experiments, and far more dangerous technology than before.

But for you, it wasn’t just another mission. It was your past, your deepest fear. The Red Room was where they had turned you into a weapon, a killing machine. The place that stole not only your childhood, but your ability to ever feel truly free again. The same place that stole your humanity, and now, they were back.

Beside you, Satoru, the Jujutsu Sorcerer who was far more than just an ally, tapped his fingers against the table. The sleek, white and black armor of his modern Iron Man suit reflected the dim light from above. His usual confident, carefree demeanor was gone. In its place, a quiet intensity you rarely saw. He knew what this meant for you. They all did.

“We can’t let them continue this. We need to finish this once and for all” he stated.

You didn’t speak at first, your gaze flicking from the holographic map to the faces of the other Avengers. They were all willing to fight. But only you knew what this really meant—what it would do to you to face this, to revisit the ghosts of your past. The fear of what they might find. The fear of what you might have to relive.

“I’m in. Let’s finish it”

Your voice was steady, but the words tasted bitter, like metal on your tongue.

Hours passed as the team geared up for the mission. Satoru worked tirelessly in the lab, fine-tuning his suit’s cursed energy filters to counteract any new enhancements the Red Room had created. He occasionally shot glances in your direction, but you kept herself busy, methodically checking your gear. You were preparing yourself for the fight ahead, but you were also preparing for something far more difficult—the emotional battle you would face when they entered the Red Room’s facility.

They had learned that the Red Room had merged with some darker jujutsu practices. Their experiments were more than just genetic manipulation—they were blending curses with human enhancement, creating twisted soldiers. Satoru had encountered similar experiments in his past, but even he didn’t know what to expect from these new creations.

“You’re quiet tonight”, his voice was casual, but his eyes betrayed the concern he felt. He glanced at you over the workbench, trying to gauge your mood.

You didn’t respond immediately. You were inspecting your guns, running your fingers over the cold metal as if the sensation could ground you. The sound of your fingers tracing the edges filled the space between them.

“You know I can’t let you do this alone, right? Whatever’s inside that place, I’m with you. You’re not facing it by yourself”

Your fingers stopped, the slight clink of the gun's mechanism now louder than ever in the silence.

“I don’t need anyone to fight for me. I can handle this” your words were clipped, defensive.

But they were a lie. You didn’t need someone to fight for you—but you needed someone to understand. To see you as more than just the weapon you had been trained to be.

Satoru didn’t push you further. He understood. You had never been one to ask for help. You had learned long ago that to rely on others was dangerous. That’s what they taught you in the Red Room: trust no one, not even yourself.

Instead, Satoru walked over to you, standing just behind you. His fingers brushed lightly against your shoulder, a quiet gesture that was more for his reassurance than yours.

“You don’t have to say it. I already know”, his voice was warm, the softest you had heard it in a long while, “We don’t have to talk about it. But when this is over… when we’re done with all of this… I’ll be here. For whatever comes next”

You didn’t respond. You weren’t sure if you could let him in, if you were ready to show him how deeply broken you still were. How much of you was still locked inside that cold room, buried in blood and shame.

The operation was swift. They infiltrated the building, using stealth and precision. But the deeper they went into the Red Room’s facility, the more dangerous the situation became. The soldiers they encountered weren’t normal. They had been enhanced with cursed energy—monsters that fought with vicious, uncontrollable power. The deeper they went, the more the place began to feel like a labyrinth of nightmares.

“We need to get to the core of this place, quickly. The longer we stay here, the harder it’s going to be to get out” Satoru said, his voice echoing through the comms, focused as always, but his attention kept drifting back to you.

You were moving with a precision that only someone with your training could manage, but Satoru could see the cracks. Your eyes weren’t just watching the enemies—they were scanning the walls, the hallways, the shadows. They were looking for something else. Something more terrifying.

You knew this building. You knew the traps, the layouts, the hallways. They had been your prison for too long. The stench of it still clung to you, no matter how many years had passed. It made your skin crawl, made you feel like you were still the broken girl they had molded you into. A weapon. Nothing more. The mission was clear, but the emotional weight of it was unbearable.

As they reached the heart of the facility, they found themselves facing the Red Room’s last remaining operatives—monstrous soldiers enhanced with both cursed energy and the Black Widow’s own training. Your eyes narrowed. This was the final test. Not just for your body, but for your mind.

The battle erupted in a fury.

Satoru was everywhere at once, his cursed energy flowing through the air, creating barriers, manipulating space. He took down enemies with ease, but his eyes never strayed far from you. He watched every movement you made, his instincts as sharp as ever, but there was a worry in his expression that wasn’t typical for him.

You were unstoppable. You were fluid, a killing machine honed by years of torment. But even as you fought, there was something raw in you—the fear, the trauma. Every punch, every kick, was a reminder of what you had endured.

A soldier lunged at you, a blur of cursed energy and desperation, and for the briefest moment, your mind flashed back to the Red Room—the blood, the chains, the pain.

You are nothing. You are just a weapon.

But this time, when the soldier’s hand reached for your throat, you didn’t freeze. You didn’t flinch. Your body moved like instinct, fluid and unstoppable, and you broke the soldier’s neck with a swift motion.

But it was the aftermath that hit you. The weight of the body crumpling at your feet, the taste of blood in your mouth, and the sudden, overwhelming pressure in your chest.

Satoru reacted swiftly, “Hey, hey, you okay?”

His voice cut through the fog in your mind, but you couldn’t answer. You couldn’t speak. The walls of the Red Room were closing in again.

You were nothing but a weapon.

But Satoru was there, right by your side, his presence grounding you like an anchor. He knew you better than anyone, and even though you couldn’t admit it, he understood the ghosts you carried.

He caught your wrist gently, pulling you back as the battle raged around them.

“You’re not that person anymore. You’re not a weapon. I’ll never let you be that again”

His words were more than just reassurance—they were a lifeline. A promise.

And for the first time in a long while, you allowed yourself to believe it.

The battle was over. The Red Room was dismantled. Or at least the majority of it, after all they were a pest ever growing in the shadows. But for now it was over.

For you, though, the real fight had just begun. As the Avengers cleaned up, dismantling the remains of the Red Room’s operations, Satoru stayed close to you.

You both were alone now, walking down the dark corridor of the destroyed facility. The quiet was oppressive, and you felt the weight of the years you had spent running from yourself catch up to you. You hadn’t said a word since the battle ended.

Satoru stopped walking, turning to face you. There was no one else around now—no mission, no enemies, no distractions. Just the two of you, standing in the ruins of what had once been your prison.

“I know it’s not over for you. This doesn’t magically fix everything”, his voice was low, almost gentle.

There was no pressure, no urgency. Just a quiet understanding.

“I don’t know how to move past this. How to be… normal. How to feel anything other than pain”

“You don’t have to do it alone. You don’t have to fix everything in one night” he reminded you, “But I’ll be here. Whenever you need me. And when you’re ready, I’ll help you carry it”

Your heart thundered in your chest. The walls around you—those walls you had built for years—felt like they were crumbling. But for the first time in so long, you didn’t feel scared. You didn’t feel like a weapon.

You were just… yourself.

“Thank you”, your voice was quiet, the weight of your gratitude heavy.

Satoru didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. He simply reached out, placing a hand gently on you shoulder.

And for the first time, you didn’t pull away.

[bimbo-baggins17]

(just a random thought that i wanted to share with someone) but james kelly having a lawyer s/o who manages to help him with everything he needs to open his own shop, and things finally start to work for him, and he feels all happy and in love, and he doesn't really know how to express it, so he's just clingy, buying his s/o gifts or taking them out for dates more often, talking about them with other people the whole time

No because I love this idea. James isn’t one to really show his emotions or brag about what’s going on in his life. Honestly he hasn’t really had much reason to until he met you. This got a little away from me sorry

You both met by chance, both of you at the bar the same night. You overheard him complaining to the bartender about his troubles and fighting with the banks to get his own shop up and running. It’s probably the alcohol in your system that gives you the courage to approach him. “Couldn’t help but to overhear you’re having a bit of a problem.” He’d roll his eyes a bit mumbling a, “That’s one way to put it.” as he brings the bottle up to his lips and takes another sip. You both would spend the rest of the night until last call talking about it and brainstorming ideas. You’d end up leaving before him but not before you give him your number so he could get in contact.

At first the texts (maybe phone calls?) were purely work related. They get flirty though every so often. He was a bit skeptical of this working out because when did things go in his favor? But the miracle happens and you’re able to vouch enough for him to the banks (thanks to your reputable name) to the point they approve him. Celebratory drinks at the bar that brought you two together is a must after that. Both of you spend the evening laughing and albeit pretty tipsy but it’s the lightest he’s felt in a long time. The only downside to finding the success is that he assumes this is where your time together draws to an end. He knows he can’t let you slip through his fingers so he works up the nerve and asks you on a real date, not just to some run down bar.

You end up being everything he could have ever wished for and more. He doesn’t know how he got so lucky, or what he did in a previous life to have deserved you but he won’t complain.

The days that were slow, he’d stop by your office to bring you lunch and eat together. He couldn’t go the whole day without seeing you.

As the success of his place grows, the more gifts he finds himself buying for you and fancier places he takes you to. One of his favorite things to do, even if it’s simple, is to stop by your law firm to bring you flowers/favorite chocolates/little gifts (I’m not sure if you wear jewelry but if you do he buys it for you). Perhaps a ‘J’ pendent necklace so he’s always close to your heart. “Oh my gosh, Jamie..” He smiles sheepishly trying to gauge your reaction, “You like it?” “Like it? I love it. But you didn’t need to do that for me, y’know?” He shrugs, “Maybe not but I wanted to show you how much you mean to me.”

He’d be cheesy enough to keep a framed photo of you on his desk back in his little office at the shop, maybe a small one in the pocket of his jumpsuit. He’d show you off any chance he gets. Old coworkers from the last mechanic shop, clients, etc. “Yeah, I’m real lucky. Got this place all to myself and I got this one waiting for me at home.” He’d say proudly, grinning ear to ear and he pulls the little photo out to show you off. “Only reason I got this place was cause of them. I owe them everything.” The words hold a warmth as he looks down fondly at your smiling face.

He means it when he says he owes you everything. He could give you the moon and he still wouldn’t think it was enough.