#this is more for my benefit but if anyone's been following along and interested they all have finalized names and rough concepts now

[haetrack]

self control (m)

jung jaehyun x f!reader x mark lee

wc: 7.8k

warnings: smut (MDNI), fwb!jaehyun, mark has a crush on reader, fingering, light exhibition, light voyeurism, implied masturbation (male), threesome, oral (both receiving), doggy style, unprotected sex, reader is on the pill, jaehyun pushes mark around, possessiveness, barely there spanking, multiple orgasms, dom!jaehyun, switch!reader, switch!mark

a/n: this has been stuck in my head for so long and thinking abt jaehyun scares me bc i want him so bad. anyways i hope u find this a little hot… i did…

to say that you had an… interesting relationship with mark lee would be an understatement.

the shy glances, flushed cheeks, his stutters that come out while you both talk. it would be obvious to anyone that he has somewhat of a crush on you. you can see it too, but it’s not something you really want to acknowledge yet. you wouldn’t say there’s an obstacle in the way because that would be a little mean, but there is definitely a problem.

your friend (with benefits) happens to be one of mark’s own friends, jung jaehyun. to say the least, he’s certainly just a man. blissfully unaware of the tension between you and mark, oblivious to how he seems to ward away mark from coming near you. you can’t say it’s just jaehyun’s fault though, you don’t tell him to mind his business when mark tries to talk to you, you don’t shoo him away when he wraps an arm around your waist in front of mark.

it’s one night where you both are at a party, whispering in each other's ears. you’ve been teasing each other all night, no one making any moves to see who breaks first. it’s not until jaehyun tells you how mark is looking at the both of you, wishing that he could be the one next to you right now. you drag jaehyun to a bedroom upstairs, not missing how mark’s eyes follow the two of you. 

so maybe jaehyun isn’t as oblivious as you thought.

“have you noticed how mark’s been staring at you more?” jaehyun questions, fiddling with the vinyl player in his room. 

you pointedly glare at the back of his head, “mmm, not really? what do you mean?” 

“the times i’ve invited you to come and hangout, he always just seems to be looking at you,” he finishes cleaning up his vinyl player, moving to choose an album from his vast collection.

you hum, seemingly uninterested, “at the party you did tell me that he was staring at us.”

his eyebrows furrow, “not at us. at you. he was staring at you.”

as much as you want to look disinterested, you can’t help the large grin that forms, “are you jealous, jaehyun?”

he huffs, messing with the needle of the player before the familiar tune of a frank ocean album begins, “not jealous. not when only i get to have you in my room like this.”

he moves to where you’re laying on his bed, a teasing smile adorned on your face. you move from your spot to kiss him, but he pins you back down, giving you a kiss of his own. his body moves to hover over yours, deepening the kiss, pulling away when you need a breath, “i’ll make sure mark never gets to have you fully like this. i’ll put him in his place if i need to.” 

after jaehyun successfully makes you cum on his fingers, he lets you know of his plan. you give him a questioning look, but all he responds with is a proud smile on his face. “like i said,” he runs his fingers along your sides, “i want him to see what i do for you.”

as if he could be any more vague, he refuses to answer your question, deciding to cradle you in his arms instead. it’s not that you mind, but his words could mean literally anything. you think it’s quite obvious what kind of relationship you and jaehyun have, so what more needs to be shown? you have your question answered when your over at johnny’s apartment with a few other friends. on your way there, jaehyun tells you that mark is going to be there, and you just playfully roll your eyes at him.

“you seem too excited about this,” you hum.

“i have about fifty things i could do with you tonight, of course i’m excited,” he says, subtle excitement in his voice.

his words leave your mind when you approach mark while everyone argues about what movie to watch. mark didn’t join the arguing, choosing to sit back and watch everyone while laughing at their words. he promptly shuts his mouth when he sees you coming his way. you greet him, and he smiles at you, nervously laughing.

“can’t believe how you guys can get along so well when you argue like this over a movie,” you laugh.

mark clears his throat before speaking, “yeah, um, they’re always like this. i just got so used to it because i realized how funny it gets.”

at his words, you turn and see jaehyun criticizing every movie that is recommended, but when they ask him what to watch, he just stands there, mouth hanging open. you turn to look at mark, which causes both of you to burst out laughing. at the sound of your laugh, jaehyun whips his head around and sees the two of you hunched together. he doesn’t look angry, but there’s definitely an off-putting smile on his face.

in the corner of your eye, you can see mark straighten up at the sight of jaehyun. before jaehyun can turn around, you lean slightly into mark’s side, seeing how far you can push jaehyun. he just turns the other way.

they decide on a random avengers movie that you don’t really know. you don’t care, as you sit with jaehyun and mess with his fingers. you see that mark has moved closer to the tv, probably more interested in the movie than anyone else. he’s on a different couch than you and jaehyun.

the only reason you’re not asleep like almost everyone else is is due to the fact that around halfway through, jaehyun drapes a blanket over the both of you. it’s subtle, looking like you were just cold. you know what jaehyun really wants when he puts a hand on your thigh and squeezes. you try to send a pointed glare at him, but he’s making sure everyone is asleep or on their phones. you notice mark is the only one really paying attention.

he trails his hand higher on your thigh before whispering in your ear, “pay attention to the movie. try not to make too much noise, pretty girl.”

once his words register in your head, you realize that he wants you to make just a little noise. connecting the dots, you realize he wants mark to hear you in order to get him to look at you. he wants mark to see how good he’s making you feel.

heat rushes all over your body at the realization, and it only intensifies when jaehyun’s hand slides under the waistband of your pants. you give him one last pleading look before you try to focus on the screen in front of you. his hand cups your warmth, feeling the small patch of wetness already formed. out of the corner of your eye, you see him smile.

you become hyperaware of yourself when he starts rubbing your clothed clit, one of your hands moving under the blanket to grip onto his arm. you let out a shaky breath when he pulls your panties aside for better access. you didn’t realize how wet you were, not until he puts a finger inside with ease.

a small, broken whimper escapes you as he plunges his finger in and out of you, his palm rubbing your clit with the movement. you spread your legs more open, silently telling him you needed more. he complies, satisfied with your cooperation. he whispers to you one more time, “my baby is doing so good for me. so dirty, getting herself off in front of all these people. in front of mark.” 

a whine escapes you before you can stop it, and you shove your face into jaehyun’s shoulder out of embarrassment. with you no longer looking around, he decides to move his fingers faster, making sure to curl them to hit that spot inside of you. you’re clenching tightly around his fingers, his hand slick with how wet you are. you keep making small noises, small slips of his name falling from your mouth.

moving his eyes towards the screen so that mark is in his peripheral, he continues. jaehyun wouldn’t normally do this, putting you on display for just anybody. he’s doing it because he knows mark wants you, thinking he could just take you away from him. his competitiveness comes roaring its head, having to show mark who you need more.

when a slightly loud whimper escapes you, jaehyun can see marks vision pulling away from the tv, looking back at you first. jaehyun moves to grab his phone, seemingly unconcerned. he can still see mark, him looking worried for you. it’s not until mark sees movement under the blanket, your face shoved into jaehyun’s side, and a small smile on jaehyun’s face that he’s able to piece it together.

jaehyun can tell you’re about to cum, your hips moving against his fingers. all while mark doesn’t turn to look away from the sight of you. you’re letting out small, jumbled words along the lines of please, need to cum, jaehyun please, hurry. jaehyun could never deny you, so he places a kiss on the top of your head and sighs out, “go ahead and cum for me, pretty.”

you let out a muffled moan, jaehyun lightly shushes you as you let go, cumming over his fingers. he helps you ride out your orgasm while mark rushes off down the hall to the bathroom. jaehyun chuckles down at the sight of you, all mussed up. once you come down from your high, you send him a pointed stare, “you’re such a jerk.”

he pulls his hand out from under the blanket up to his mouth, cleaning his fingers off from your cum. “i think mark saw us, he ran off to the restroom,” you gape at him, “think if you walked past the restroom you could probably hear him getting off to the thought of you right now.”

as much as you try to not let your curiosity get the best of you, you can’t help it. you reach over to johnny and ask if you could borrow a charger for your phone. he says there’s one in his room, that you could use it there. you thank him as you make your way down the same hallway, tiptoeing by the restroom. you carefully press your ear to the door. you can hear a low groan of your name followed by a whispered feels so good- fuck, please. 

your face feels warm as you go and grab the charger, moving away from the pretty sounds that mark’s making.

the first time you see mark after the incident at johnny’s apartment, he couldn’t even look you in the eyes.

well, he could, but it was followed by a light blush coating his cheeks. it’s a rare scene to see you at a party without jaehyun attached to your side, but mark doesn’t really mind. he doesn’t feel too nervous, but the image of you cumming has been replaying in his head. he can’t mess this up, can’t let go of this opportunity with just you alone.

“so, where are your friends?” you ask mark, sipping on the drink you’re holding.

“i’m just waiting for them, they should be coming soon.”

you hum, “wished you could’ve kept me more company, mark. i like being with you.”

“y-yeah? i like being with you- like, i mean, just us two.”

“better without jaehyun, huh?” you provoke him. he laughs and looks away, too embarrassed to admit the truth. it’s not like he’s scared of jaehyun, it’s more of… a respect thing? he’s not really sure if you two are dating or just have something going on, but he doesn’t want to intrude. but he can’t really help it, not when you’re you.

he’s known you for a while now, and even then, it was jaehyun who introduced you both. the way you look at him, the way you always seem to know what you want, your presence alone makes him think of you. but every time he tries to get close to you, there’s jaehyun, attaching himself to your side. even now, mark’s eyes occasionally drift to the door to see if jaehyun’s walked in.

you lean into his side, whispering into his ear, “i think i like us alone like this, too.”

you see a pretty shade of pink wash over his face, leaning more into his side. he looks down, and you look like how you were during the movie night. this time though, you’re by his side, not jaehyun’s. he tentatively wraps an arm around your side, trying to will his hands not to shake. there you both are, at the corner of the room, just like how he always sees you.

he hears you softly call his name, and while looking at you, he sees an almost hazy look on your face. he realizes how warm you feel, looks at how you glance down to his lips, back up to his eyes. you look so tempting, there’s so many things he wants to do with you. before he can turn you against the wall to kiss you, he sees the door open out of the corner of his eye. there’s jaehyun, staring at the both of you.

against his own will, he pulls away from you. you smile back up at him before turning to jaehyun, who motions for you to join him upstairs. “maybe next time you’ll be able to join us, mark.”

before he can say anything else, you say, “promise.”

he nods and you walk away from him, weaving through other people. you wave at him before you disappear, and he’s once again alone, waiting for his friends. he lets out a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding, wishing once again that he was the one leading you upstairs. he can feel his self control slip away.

he downs all of the drink in his cup, the concoction too strong and burns going down his throat. he waits a bit before stalking up the stairs, finding the room you two were in. his hand reaches for the doorknob, but ultimately decides to stop when he hears the tailend of your conversation.

“...imagine if mark was outside the door, so desperate to hear your sounds,” mark hears a small whimper come out of you, “he’d be so hard, wishing he was the one who had you like this.”

the conversation ends, both of you too busy with one another to continue thinking about mark. mark can feel himself getting hard in his suddenly too tight pants. he brings a hand down to the front of his pants and squeezes, begging his mind and heart to stop racing. he can’t let this keep happening to him.

the next time you see mark, it’s a surprise for you and jaehyun. you’re both lounging around in your apartment, too lazy to actually do anything. as you’re scrolling through videos on your phone, you get a text.

mark: yoooo

mark: i was just wondering if you were busy or anything

you smile. and jaehyun, being too nosy for his own good, asks who just texted you. you quickly show him the messages you got from mark and jaehyun looks just as giddy as you. you type out that jaehyun is with you at your apartment.

mark: oh haha

mark: i wanted to see if you were alone

you: jaehyun says its fine with him if you want to come over

he doesn’t text back after that, so you assume that he’s given up on meeting with you. you assume he wanted to see if you really meant what you said at the party. you didn’t tell jaehyun what happened, but he did see you two together. it only makes it more exciting that there’s a small secret between the two of you. a few more minutes pass, and you don’t expect anything anymore.

it’s not until you hear a knock at the door that you sit up. jaehyun looks at you, and you tell him to go somewhere else. he sulks at you, but he obliges, opting to move to the bathroom. you calm yourself down before opening the door, seeing an almost apologetic-looking mark. it’s almost apologetic, save for the small twinge of emotion in his eyes that you can’t quite place.

“sorry for coming unannounced, i just wanted, um, to talk to you, i guess.”

“yeah, of course, come right in.” you let him inside, beckoning for him to sit on the couch with you. he looks a little hesitant before sitting down, opting to sit as furthest as he can from you. 

“so… where’s jaehyun?

“in the restroom, he’ll probably be back in a bit,” you say, and he nods to your words. it feels awkward, and you’re not someone who gets awkward easily. mark turns to look at you, opens his mouth, and closes it. you laugh a little, “take a deep breath, mark. it’s just you and me in here.”

and jaehyun, mark thinks stubbornly to himself. he does take a breath, and faces you once more. it’s just you two, and the sight of you encourages him to continue. “i wanted to talk about what you said at the party,” he says, with no nervousness present in his voice, “just some clarification.”

“i meant everything i said, mark. i like being with you, even if it’s not always us alone.”

before he can respond to you, the bathroom door opens, and jaehyun walks over as if mark wasn’t sitting entirely too close to you (read: on the other side of the couch). mark looks back down to his lap, now too nervous with jaehyun’s presence. “how have you been, mark? haven’t seen you since the party the other night.”

jaehyun sits close to you, one hand making its way to your thigh, squeezing lightly. mark looks at the hand before looking to jaehyun, “i’ve been fine. just, kinda, wanted to talk to… to the both of you?”

“oh yeah? about what?” jaehyun says, a certain smugness in his voice that only you can detect. his hand moves across your skin, thumb rubbing the inner part of your thigh. you shudder, and mark doesn’t miss it.

“yeah, just about, like, the two of you?”

“well, can i be honest?” jaehyun starts, and you know he’s about to say something crazy, “to me, it looks like you like my pretty baby here.”

mark gapes at his words, mouth opening to stutter out denials and apologies. before he can do that though, jaehyun drags you fully onto his lap, pushing apart your legs with his own. mark’s breath gets caught in his throat at the sight of you, so pliant against jaehyun’s rough actions. “i saw you the other night, saw how you looked at her while she was cumming on my fingers.”

mark doesn’t say anything as he watches jaehyun drag his hands close to your core, stopping close to the place where you need him most. you squirm in his hold, a whimper threatening to slip out of your lips. you open your eyes to look at mark, finding he was already staring at you. the pink on his cheeks tells you all you need to know. he likes this.

“if you don’t want to see me get her off, you can leave. what do you think, baby?”

you whine, “i want mark to stay, want him to see me like this. want him, jaehyun.”

mark’s breath hitches, too affected by your words already. jaehyun chuckles lowly, and you feel the low vibrations against your back, “can’t believe you’re begging for another man when i’m right here,” he presses a kiss to the side of your face, “guess you’re gonna have to stay here, mark.”

you whisper out a please to him, and mark can’t say no, not when you’re looking at him with such need in your eyes. he’ll do anything in order to touch you, to feel you. “y-yeah, no, i-i’ll stay.”

“you can’t touch until either of us say you can,” jaehyun says while moving to rest on the arm of the couch, pulling you along with him, “gonna have to learn how to make my baby feel good, right?”

mark nods along, mind moving too fast to properly respond.

jaehyun pulls down your shorts, leaving you in just your panties and the loose shirt you have on. mark takes it all in, takes in how you’re already soaked through your panties, waiting so patiently to be touched, “my baby always gets so wet, she can’t hide how bad she wants you.”

before you can start whining louder, he circles his thumb over your clit, a moan cutting you off. jaehyun scoffs, “guess she needs two people to make her satisfied.”

mark’s breath gets heavy as he sees you writhing around in pleasure only from light touches. how badly he wants to reach and take over, giving you everything that you need. jaehyun doesn’t follow that line of thought, taking his time and dragging it out. “please, jaehyun. need you to touch me already, need you so bad-”

“what do you think, mark? do you think my baby should get what she wants?”

and for the first time, mark speaks up, “t-touch her already, she’s asking so nicely.” you thank him loudly when jaehyun moves to take off your panties. you look at him differently than how you usually do, your teasing eyes that are usually filled with confidence as you talk to mark. but here, your eyes are filled with compliance and neediness.

mark can now see your glistening folds, how you clench around nothing when you spot him staring. if it were up to him, he’d already have his hands and mouth on you. but with jaehyun here, he has to sit and watch, gripping onto his thighs, hoping he’ll get a chance to touch you.

jaehyun leans down to whisper something in your ear, causing you to nod fervently at his words. “my baby wants you to eat her out. think you can do that, mark?”

mark nods slowly. jaehyun moves to have you both seated properly on the couch, mark moving to sit on his knees on the floor. you’ve thought of the sight of him on his knees for you too many times since you heard him in the bathroom that night. to finally get to see him like this, just for you, has you letting out a small whimper.

mark takes the sight of you in, having you like this in real life better than anything he could’ve imagined. he scoots towards you, so close you can feel the heat of his face on you. he reaches forward, his tongue licking up your wet slit. “jesus, so fucking sweet, so wet.”

before you can register his words, his thumbs move to open up your cunt before he dives in, mouth everywhere he can reach. he slurps up the slick at your entrance, tongue prodding at the tight hole. he wonders if he’ll be able to fuck you, wonders if you’ll clench tightly around his cock like you’re doing with his tongue.

he moves up to suck on your clit, two fingers moving to your entrance. through your bleary eyes, you can see mark silently asking if he can finger you. he looks desperate through his hooded eyes, and if you focus a little harder, you can see how he’s straining against his shorts. you nod desperately, and mark responds by sliding his fingers slowly in, the feeling of your tight walls too much for his mind.

mark can’t really tell what he’s doing. it’s like he’s having an out of body experience, the sweet taste of your cunt being the closest thing to heaven. he can hear how messy he sounds eating you out, the squelch of his fingers moving inside you, the wet sound of his tongue sliding against you. it’s all too much, your mouth babbling out incoherent sentences to mark as he indulges in you.

you can feel yourself getting closer, every part of your body feels sensitive to the touch. you can feel the hard grip mark has on your thighs, hearing the small groans and whimpers he lets out from your sweet pussy. you can feel how jaehyun is hard behind your back, he softly presses into you, body betraying him. the warmth of their two bodies against you only spurring you on more.

“i’m gonna cum, needa cum so bad. please, jaehyun! can mark make me cum?”

you can hear mark groan out a jesus before jaehyun responds, “i don’t know if you deserve it, pretty girl. do you?”

“please! been so good, i’ll be so good. just need to cum-” your begging breaks off into a loud moan as mark digs his face as close as possible into your pulsing pussy, affected by the sweet sound of your voice. jaehyun tries not to smile at the sight of the two of you, so desperate to get each other off. “i guess you can cum. mark is just gonna have to put in more work.”

if mark’s mouth wasn’t so preoccupied, he’d definitely groan in annoyance at jaehyun’s words. he tries not to care though, because it’s his mouth that’s getting you off, not jaehyun’s. he wonders if jaehyun even does this for you, and if he does, mark knows he’s better than him. his thoughts are cut off by the harsh grip of your hands in his hair, pulling him close as you try to cum.

“i’m cumming! please- please d-don’t stop!”

as if he would ever deny you. he sucks at your clit, fingers prodding at the sweet spot inside of you as your thighs close around his head. mark feels how your body needs him, and it only pushes him further. he hears how you moan out his name as your hips grind against his face. he has to tell himself not to cum untouched like this, not to embarrass himself in front of you.

he helps you ride out your orgasm, lapping at your slit as he removes his fingers from you. you almost want him to keep going, not minding the slightly painful stimulation turning into pleasure. it’s not until jaehyun reaches over and threads his hands in mark’s hair, forcibly pulling him away from you. as much as you want to scold jaehyun for interrupting you, it’s more hot than anything seeing him so jealous.

mark sends jaehyun a challenging look, a small smirk playing on his face as jaehyun sweetly smiles back. how jaehyun can pretend to be so innocent baffles him, but mark lets it happen, more curious as to what will happen next.

“i don’t know about you, mark, but i’m gonna take her to the bedroom so i can fuck her,” you hit his chest at his vulgar words and he just laughs, “don’t know if my pretty girl would want you to join us.”

you look over to see how mark has reacted to his words, only to find mark staring back at you already. his eyes are pleading, hands gripping his thighs as you can see the noticeable bulge in his shorts. “mark helped me cum, wanna help him cum too, jaehyun.”

mark lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding while jaehyun contemplates on what to do. when he comes to a conclusion, he nods to himself while getting up, offering a hand to help you up. you both begin to move to your bedroom while mark just sits there, waiting for what to do. “are you coming, mark, or are you gonna keep her waiting?”

he rushes to catch up the both of you, seeing how you’re already laying in bed with jaehyun once again behind you. mark tries not to let it get to him, but jaehyun always manages to be right fucking next to you all the time. mark stands awkwardly at the door, not really knowing what to do. he feels your eyes staring at his bulge, his hands moving to cover himself as if he didn’t just eat you out.

“so here’s what going to happen,” jaehyun starts, looking at your body laid against him, “she wants you to fuck her, but i’ll leave it up to her if she wants you raw or not.”

mark has to stop the gasp trying to come out of his mouth. he never thought that he’d even get to fuck you, but now there’s a possiblity that he’ll get to fuck you raw? all he can do is nod at jaehyun’s words and look at you dazedly, tongue wetting his lips.

“come here, baby. come over to me.”

as far as mark knows, you don’t call jaehyun baby. the petname has his mind reeling, body unknowingly moving towards you. he sits at the edge of your bed, admiring the look of your body only covered in a t-shirt. he trails a hand up your thigh and sees out the corner of his eye that jaehyun’s watching him carefully. “will you take off your clothes for me? let me see all of you?”

mark mutters a small fuck as he turns away from you to undress. jaehyun has never seen you like this, more in control over mark. he lets it happen, doesn’t scold you for trying to take over. he can see how focused you are on watching mark, sees how your eyes glaze over at the lines in his back and when he slowly turns around.

mark’s cock slaps against his abdomen when he pulls his boxers down. his tip is red and leaking, and if it weren’t for the promise of fucking him, you would’ve already had your mouth on him. he makes his way over to you, kneeling down in front of your body. you sit up, hand reaching over to lightly stroke his cock. his hips jut forward as a small whine leaves his mouth, his hand wrapping around your wrist.

“please, don’t tease me. i’ve been hard for so long i- i just need you already.”

his words knock the breath out of your lungs as you sit up to deeply kiss him. he moans into it, cups your face into his hands as he pulls you closer. jaehyun watches silently behind you both, watching how mark grinds his cock into your lower belly. jaehyun’s own hand moves to palm himself over his boxers, liking how you’re enjoying yourself.

it isn’t until he starts getting annoyed with how mark looks like he’s enjoying himself too much to where he drags you back down by the hip. you lay over his lap once more, looking up at him through your eyelashes. he gives you an innocent-looking smile as you roll your eyes in return. you shift up a little, looking back at mark.

he’s looking at you again, your swollen lips, your glistening folds. he then focuses on your covered chest, eyes glazed over, wondering how your boobs look. you smirk a little, before shifting to pull off your shirt. he groans when he sees how you weren’t wearing a bra the whole time. his hands automatically move to touch you, but jaehyun immediately stops him with, “can’t touch her, not until we say.”

“but i-”

“be patient, baby. i’ll let you touch as long as you’re good for me.”

you can see how hard mark gulps at your words, his cock twitching in response. he shifts closer to you, hips flush with yours. he’s staring hard, eyes moving to take in the sight of you. you’re getting impatient, the feeling of his cock so close to you proving to be too much.

before anything though, you beckon him down to you, whispering in his ear, “i’m on the pill, baby. i’ll let you cum in me.” 

you can hear how his breathing picks up at the small exchange of words. his hands grab onto your thighs, moving one up to hook around his waist. he teases his head along your slit, holding back a whimper that threatens to come out of him. you squirm under him, pulsing around nothing as you wait for him to enter you.

“better hurry up, mark. if you don’t fuck her right now, i’ll just do it for you.” mark ignores his words, giving you one last look before he slowly pushes into you. you both moan in unison, your warm walls wrapping around his thick cock. you move your other thigh to his waist in order to push him into you more, causing his hips to stutter against you.

he’s trying hard to keep himself up over you. his face is scrunched up, biting down hard onto his lip to try not to cum too fast. you’re no different, neediness taking over as you clench around him, encouraging him to move. he moves slowly, trying to get accustomed to how tight you are. he can hear the whines and whimpers you let out, but he can’t do anything, mind too preoccupied with you. 

“please, mark, need you to move already. need you to fuck me so bad.” he nods, but just swirls his hips against you, only making you needier. you can feel the low rumble of jaehyun’s laugh through your body, and it adds on to your pleasure.

“baby,” his moan cuts you off, “please?”

he opens his eyes to look at you, and despite the bleariness, he can see your pretty face, the tears in your eyes as you fight back against how good he feels. he moves himself back up, ignoring how shaky his arms are, and starts to pull slowly out of you. you whine at the emptiness, before he slams right back into you.

he tries to focus on your reactions, tries to see what exactly makes you feel the best, but your tight walls make it hard for him. when he does eventually find a pace that works for you, he continues to push himself into you, your previous orgasm helping him slide into you with ease. when he angles his hips a certain way, he can tell he’s hit your sweet spot, your hands moving to his back to claw at him.

he seethes at the pain, but refocuses his attention to you when you moan out his name. he moans when you mke eye contact, dick twitching inside of you as you let out an airy laugh, “you f-feel so good, baby. bet you wanted this for so long.”

he quickly nods, “thought about your pretty pussy so much, thought about you around me. like you so much, couldn’t help but think about you.”

against mark’s better judgment, he looks down to see how well you’re taking him in, how your pussy just sucks him in further. he moans out, and you laugh again, threading one of your hands in his hair to get him to look at you. “should’ve told me how much you needed me, could’ve helped you out a lot sooner.”

he lets out a small whimper, to your satisfaction. mark can’t look at you anymore, he feels himself getting too close already. his eyes look at your chest, how your boobs bounce every time he thrusts into you. before he can move a hand to you, he sees jaehyun’s larger hands move to your chest, groping at the flesh. you moan out loud, the added stimulation making you clench harshly around mark’s twitching cock.

if mark didn’t feel so weak right now, he’d move jaehyun’s hands out the way to replace them with his own. but with the way he feels himself getting closer to the edge, all he can do is let out small whines. “can’t believe i get to be here, can’t believe i’m the one fucking my girl right now.”

mark can’t see the way jaehyun’s eyes bore into him, but mark can feel you clench around him when jaehyun tweaks your nipples. mark’s getting fed up with jaehyun, the ache in his cock not helping his actions when he sees your eyes focused on jaehyun. mark can tell jaehyun feels the same way too, or else he wouldn’t have been touching you like he is now. in an almost out of character way, mark pushes himself up to kiss you, distracting you from jaehyun.

it’s messy, drool slipping down both of your chins, moaning in each other's mouth. mark mumbles into you, “wanna cum for my girl, wanna show you what i can give to you.”

you quickly nod along to his words, “please, baby. please cum in me, wanna feel you fill me up.”

he curses under his breath, your words filling up his head. he moves one hand down to your aching clit, wanting you to cum with him. you moan a mix of his name and pleas, your orgasm threatening to rip through you. mark can feel how hard you’re clenching around him, he can feel how he’s shaking, how jaehyun’s eyes focus on you. he’s rubbing against your clit messily, too overcome by pleasure, but that’s all it takes for you to cum around his cock.

it feels so tight, nothing has ever compared to this before. all the days and nights he’s spent fantasizing about this moment could never compare to how he’s feeling now. he cums quickly after you, hips rutting against your cunt as he spills his cum deep into you, cock throbbing. he tries to help you ride out your orgasm until he feels too sensitive, slowly slipping out of you.

he tries to ignore how his cum is slipping out of you, mixed with your cum. he can’t look away, and if he had the chance, he would eat you out again, his tongue slipping against you as he cleans up the mess you both made. before he can reach down though, jaehyun pulls you up next to his side and pushes mark out the way by his shoulder.

it’s embarrassing to be pushed around by jaehyun, but mark sees how your eyes follow him, filled with a lustful gaze. he blushes and looks away, trying not to think about the current dynamic you both have him in. mark now looks at jaehyun, who looks down at the sight of the both of you. no matter how much mark felt like he was in charge, jaehyun will always be behind it all.

jaehyun coos at you, “did my baby enjoy herself? did you like having another man inside you?”

you try not to nod, but you can’t help yourself, smiling to jaehyun with a challenge on your face. you can see the small smile mark has on his face as he moves to your side. jaehyun just stares at the both of you before he suddenly grabs you and pulls you closer to him, flipping you over. he has you bent over, ass in the air as you’re faced with mark, face dangerously close to his cock. 

it’s embarrassing to be in this position, but you can help how you clench at the sight of how mark is looking down at you with pink cheeks. “i think i need to show my baby what she’s missing out on,” jaehyun starts, grabbing at your ass, “show her what she needs.”

jaehyun’s pants have been pulled down, his cock free from restraints as he teases your sensitive slit. you whimper out as he does, your head resting on mark’s thigh. he bring a hand to your cheek, thumb rubbing across the skin. jaehyun taps his dick at your entrance, teasing his head in before pulling it out. you’re sure he can see how messy it is, a mix of cum slipping out of you.

“didn’t realize you can be such a slut, didn’t know you needed two cocks to satisfy you.” you whine out in response, shaking your head at his claim. he just laughs as he enters you, “i know you better than you know yourself.”

you moan out at the stretch, the angle making him hit spots you’ve never felt before. you arch your back, and jaehyun takes in the sight of you as he lets out a low groan. mark feels it too, despite the fact that he came only a bit ago, he can feel his cock grow hard again. you lazily grin at him, and he can’t look you in the eye for more than three seconds.

jaehyun thrusts into you quickly, a harsh grip on your waist as he soothes a hand over your ass before slapping it. you let out a weak whine, and jaehyun roughly thrusts into you.

“you know, mark, we see- no, i see how much you look at her.” jaehyuns hips buck into yours, “and every time, i can see just how much she looks at you back.”

mark’s whole body feels hot, and he realizes that he’s fully hard again. you look up through your eyelashes to see mark’s cock standing tall, and you discreetly move forward to lick up his length. mark lets out a sharp whine, still sensitive from before, but pushes his hips towards you. jaehyun eyes both of you, not stopping your actions. “didn’t realize how needy she can be, she’d probably let you fuck her again if it weren’t for me,” he mumurs out.

you lick up mark’s cock, pressing a kiss to the tip before hovering over it, letting your mouth swallow around his head. he tries not to buck up into your mouth, but he can’t help the heat that envelopes his cock, hips pushing into your warm mouth. you try to fit as much of him you can in your mouth, proving to be hard with the man trying to fuck you into the sheets. 

“sweet girl, go ahead and tell mark how bad you wanted him,” when he gets no response, he pulls out of you, causing you to whine out, moving away from mark. “look mark in the eyes and say it.”

“n-needed you, baby. even if i fucked jaehyun, still wanted you.” jaehyun hums behind you before slamming into you again. all mark can hear are your words repeating in his head and loud squelch of your wet pussy. he tentively pulls you towards his cock again, letting you swallow around his dick. he whines when you moan around him, the vibrations causing his whole body to shudder.

“even though she wanted you, she still came to me, begged me to fuck her pretty pussy every time.” you bob your head around mark’s cock, looking up at him to see hooded eyes peering down at you, struggling to keep them open. it’s like you came out of his dream, such a pretty girl who was made just for him.

you can feel jaehyun slip an arm towards your clit, fingers applying pressure to your clit in the exact way you like it. you have to pull off of mark completely in order to moan out, your hand replacing your mouth as you jerk him off. you clench around jaehyun, hips pushing back against him to get him deeper inside. he reaches down to press a soft kiss to your shoulder, encouraging you.

“will my pretty girl cum for me? gonna show mark how good i make you feel?” jaehyun says as he pushes your head down into the bed, his own movements losing control.

as much as mark wants to scoff at his words, he’s too close to cumming again, eyes rolling to the back of his head as he feels himself throb. your grip around him tightens around his tip as you lose yourself, and mark ruts up into your hand to help you out. with one last look, he sees your dazed look, sees how you mouth cum for me, baby.

he does, hot cum shooting over your hand and some onto your face. your hand moves slowly up and down, helping him ride out his orgasm as he lets out a groan of your name. jaehyun takes this as a sign to focus on you, angling his hips in a way he knows will get you to cum. you’re babbling now, a mix of both names tumbling out your mouth as you beg jaehyun to let you cum.

you can feel him throb inside of you, his lack of composure showing when there’s no rhythm to his thrusts. “i’m so close, jaehyun. so close! please, wanna cum for you!”

he sees you turn your head to look back at him, your eyes filled with only pleasure as he gives you what you want. he slows down, fingers moving quickly on your clit as he says, “show us just how good i make you feel.”

at his possessive words, you let go around him, loud moans as you mvoe against him. jaehyun can feel you clench around him, unable to fight off his orgasm as he fills you up once more. mark moves to hold your hand through your orgasm, the pretty sight of you cumming almost making him hard again.

jaehyun thrusts deeply into you a few more times, letting his cum sink deep inside of you. he pulls away from you, eyes following how his cum seeps out of you. he moves to push his cum back into you, and you whine out at the sensitivity. he laughs at you, moving to lay down next to your collapsed figure.

“i thought you could take the two of us?” he says, trying to hide another laugh.

“shut up, jaehyun.” you say into your now ruined bedsheets.

you push yourself up to his side, jaehyun wrapping an arm around you as you cuddle into his chest. through tired eyes, you can see how awkward mark looks, not really knowing what to do in his post-orgasm state. you smile at him, a hand reaching out to him as you pull him closer to you.

“i’d let you cuddle her-”

you cut jaehyun off, “don’t be rude jaehyun. my sweet boy did so well for us today. right, baby?”

mark blushes as he nods, cuddling up to the side of your body. his face nuzzles closely to your chest, enjoying the warmth of your body and the glow you seem to emit. with enough space, jaehyun cuddles the other side of you, letting you press your head into his shoulder, slow breaths being exchanged between you all.

in the silence of room, you hear jaehyun speak up, “so is mark just going to join us now, or…”

“jaehyun, please, just this once, stop being jealous.”

jaehyun huffs as mark laughs into your side.

taglist: @froggyforyoongi @mwahaechz (OMG ur new user is so cute)

sidenote: who would you guys end up dating, mark or jaehyun? i was debating the whole time but like... i seriously couldnt figure it out... but like... u know..

[thecharacterchronicler]

Playing With Fire (Part 2) || Coriolanus Snow || Smut

Outline: After working together on an assignment, Coriolanus still can’t seem to get along with her, but that doesn’t stop them from enjoying each other’s company.

Word count: 2’526

Warnings: Mostly unhinged and explicit shameless smut ✨

Author’s note: Here is the 2nd part of this story. It’s also my attempt at writing the requested prompt # 12, hope it’s a good one!

He stood in front of the metallic door leading to the lab, no stranger to the scientific department of the university. He was used to having private conversations with Dr Gaul, benefiting from her reputation and expertise when it came to university matters and his part time involvement in the Hunger Games. This time though, he wouldn’t be facing her alone. He was patiently waiting for her to show up, knowing she had been told the head gamemaker requested to talk to both of them immediately… However, it was taking her a while to get there, a proof that she had no idea what kind of lunatic she was about to speak to.

He anxiously looked around, wondering if the fact that she was running late was going to cost him some points on their assignment, or worst, cause Dr Gaul to lose the hard earned respect she now had for him.

When finally the sound of some heels clicking against the marble floor at the end of the corridor reached his ears, he slightly relaxed his posture. It didn’t take long for him to see a familiar face around the corner, cheeks flushed from rushing up the stairs and hair in a mess. Their eyes met and it served as a greeting, the girl silently taking place next to him in front of the door while adjusting her clothes.

With his hands behind his back, he risked a glance at her, just in time to catch a glimpse of her chest as she fixed the collar of her shirt, instantly giving him flashbacks of their study session and the way she had demonstrated exactly what she liked to him. He remembered how she had squeezed her own boobs, in a way that probably elicited a bit of pain, and how he would have been ready to beg to be the one to touch her like that. He had spent the last few nights thinking about it - about her - to the point that he barely was able to cum in his hand anymore, milking his erection while thinking about her way too often for it to be healthy.

Just seeing her again, feeling her presence next to him was enough to make him hard, a physiological response of his body that he simply couldn’t fight off… Even if the moment definitely wasn’t right.

“You were wrong, it seems our professors and Dr Gaul herself are more interested in my ideas than what you thought.” She said, without looking at him, with a victorious tone that amused him.

He didn’t have time to reply anything, the door opening for them.

Without anyone to welcome them, they stepped inside a large room, where glass cages were on display, filled with the most interesting creatures. Coriolanus was used to it by now, he even had had the privilege to care and learn about some of Gaul’s mutts as part of his training and had his mind set on creating his own muttation to add a bit of action in the next Hunger Games.

But his classmate had no idea what to expect. She surely thought that the creatures on display were some kind of monsters and maybe she was right in a way. But her opinion on the matter wasn’t important, the only thing that Coriolanus really cared about was how she had inched closer to him for reassurance, her arm brushing against his and following his lead with wide eyes observing their surroundings. He stood taller, enjoying the way she was visibly relying on him for protection.

When Dr Gaul appeared from behind a big aquarium filled with flesh eating insects, she jumped in surprise and almost hid behind Coriolanus as the impressive head gamemaker walked up to them.

“Well, well, I must say I wasn’t surprised to see another brilliant idea for my Games signed by Mister Snow but you never seemed very passionate about the subject.” Dr Gaul declared, eyeing her in a way that caused a cold shiver to run down Coriolanus’ spine.

He still remembered what she had done to Clemensia when she suspected that she took advantage of his ideas, was she planning on doing the same to her ? As much as he hated her way of seeing things, he wasn’t sure that he wanted her to get hurt.

“I’m passionate about changing things for the better.“ she said, smartly.

Dr Gaul made a sound but Coriolanus wasn’t sure if she approved or suspected she wasn’t being honest.

“I want another paper on how you’re planning to make your idea work, then my team will take it from there.” She demanded, still busy observing the young woman like some kind of predator. “If we provide better care to those kids, I still want them to be on display somehow for people to place their bets before they enter the arena.”

“Kids ?” She repeated, turning to look at him with a panicked expression. But when she saw him staring right back at the gamemaker, unwavering, she understood.

“I know it’s hard to consider them as children, some of them are so different from us.” Gaul shrugged. “But there’s no better representation of innocence for my games.”

Coriolanus glanced at her, wondering if she was going to protest and attempt to defend her original idea of putting notorious criminals from each district in the arena instead of innocent children but she proved to be smart enough to keep her mouth shut.

“Now chop chop, I’ve got work to do.” The influent woman suddenly exclaimed, waving them out of her lab.

They both turned around and left, a heavy silence settling between them. When finally the door closed behind them, she left out a sigh of relief. But the relief didn’t last long, as soon as she seemed to have put her thoughts back in order, she turned to Coriolanus, glaring at him with fury.

“You said we would go with my idea of sending criminals into the arena for our assignement but you didn’t keep your word!” She accused. She crossed her arms over her chest, visibly upset but all he was able to see was the way it brought her breast up, making them look even more voluminous.

“I still took what you said in consideration by suggesting we give them decent living conditions.” He retorted, which was the truth. He had only presented different points than hers to support this idea.

“Only because you think it’ll make a better show!” She exclaimed, a bit too loudly. Coriolanus nervously glanced in direction of both ends of the corridor before answering.

“And so what ? It’s still an improvement for them, it means 23 of them will experience a comfortable bed, good food and care before dying In the arena, it’s an honorable reward for their sacrifice.”

“It’s not and you know it!”

After taking another look around, weary that they might be spied on, he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her in direction of a door further away.

“What are you…” She started, trying to free herself from his grip but his time as a peacekeeper clearly gave him an advantage on her. “Don’t touch me…”

He only let go of her once he had shoved her inside the bathroom and closed the door behind them. He took a look at the three stalls, making sure none were occupied before focusing his attention back on the young woman, still fuming with rage in front of him.

“I don’t think this is the kind of conversation you want to have so close to Dr Gaul’s office. In fact, I don’t think this is the kind of conversation we should have at all.” He explained, standing tall in front of her, blocking her inside.

“Why ? Because pleading for the Capitol to stop sacrificing children is an act of treason ?” She snapped, shaking her head.

“It should be.” He retorted, feeling the little patience he had left fading away.

“I don’t understand why someone like you, who has so much power and the ability to charm anyone, refuses to stand up for what is right. You really are a coward.”

“A coward ?” He repeated, taking a step closer so that his threatening silhouette could tower over her as a warning for her to shut up before taking it too far. “You had the opportunity to tell Gaul exactly what you think of her games and yet you stayed quiet, nodding and smiling like a good girl. So who’s really a coward between the two of us ?”

Coriolanus always believed that he had fairly good reflexes, however he didn’t see it coming when she slammed her hand across his face, a stinging pain immediately setting his cheek on fire. He huffed, fixing his pale blue eyes to her and trying to suppress his primal instinct to defend himself.

Her face suddenly shifted from pure and uncontrolled rage to a saddened guilt, eyes desperately searching his before she launched herself into his arms and crashed her lips on his, hungrily kissing him as a way to let out all her pant up emotions.

Even if it took him by surprise, he didn’t push her away, his hands finding her hips and pulling her even closer against his body as he reciprocated the feverish kiss.

She placed her hand on the back of his neck, tugging his face closer and he felt the bit of restraint he still managed to keep on himself melt away. Was she giving him an opportunity to show her that he could do better than her toy ? Or maybe she had been as haunted by their study session as he still was ? Regardless of what it was, he was determined to not let such a chance slip away from him.

He guided her to the sink until the back of her legs pressed against it. Then, he momentarily broke their hungry kiss to lean down and grip her thighs, lifting her up and placing her on the edge of the sink in front of him. His hands disappeared under her skirt and she shivered in reaction to his gentle but cold touch. Once he felt the lace fabric of her panties under his fingertips, he tugged it down her legs, helping her take one leg out and carelessly letting the delicate piece of lingerie hang over her other ankle.

He forced her to pull her legs back slightly, pushing them against her chest because that’s how he had imagined he would fuck her if he ever had the chance to. It was how she had positioned herself while using her toy, a scene that has been playing through his head day and night since. Even if there were many different ways he wanted to thrust his cock inside her, he knew that for the sake of his sanity, this was the best place to start.

He looked down at the bulge in his pants, this time determined to let it free instead of enduring the irritation of constricted fabric over his growing erection. His pants dropped to his knees, his cock gloriously standing up, rigid and throbbing with desire.

He smiled at the way she stared at his length, with wide eyes and mouth slightly hung open.

“Does it look familiar ?” He chuckled, pumping his cock a few times in his hand to help it grow even harder and bigger.

She didn’t say anything, simply spreading her legs wide open in front of him, as a silent invitation to do with her as he pleased. He still felt amused by the mix of emotions that passed on her face as he stepped closer, as if she couldn’t believe that she was about to take his cock inside her already wet and needy pussy.

She leaned back, pressing her back against the mirror behind her as he gently pushed his tip into her, his gaze focused on what he was doing. She gasped and he kept slowly pushing himself in, the feeling of her warm folds engulfing his erection even better than what he had imagined it would be.

He buried himself all the way in, both of them gasping at the sensation. He knew she would take him in easily - after all, she was already trained to perfectly accommodate his size - but he never thought it would be this intense for him.

He slowly rocked his hips to get his cock sliding back and forth inside her, causing her to gasp a few more times as he already tensed and fought the urge to cum right away. He didn’t want this to be over, not this quickly, and especially not before proving her that he was capable of giving her more pleasure than her toy ever could. Who knew, maybe she’d like it so much that she’d use him as her new toy whenever she was in need of relief ?

When he finally felt able to peel his eyes away from the spectacle of his cock repeatedly plunging inside her, he reached for her shirt, popping a few buttons open with one habile hand so that he could have a better view of how her boobs were moving in synch with his thrusts.

“Maybe we should move to the stall, what if someone walks in on us ?” She said, breathless from how much the force of his thrusts had increased.

“Didn’t you say you liked the idea of strangers watching you getting mercilessly fucked ?” He replied, a smirk on his lips as her body tensed in reaction to his words, proving that she enjoyed the possibility so much that it was about to push her over the edge. “I wouldn’t mind either, as long as I’m the only person allowed to shove my cock inside you.”

She moaned, louder than what she ever did, feeling herself slipping away into bliss. She closed her eyes, completely losing control over how loudly she enjoyed herself, reaching the peak of her pleasure so violently that her whole body shook.

Her walls tightened around his shaft, so tightly that it forced him to stop his thrusts and immobilize his body as hers contracted around him and she cried out his name once again except that, this time, he really was the reason why she felt so good. His cock instantly reacted by shooting loads of warm cum inside her, until his balls were left empty.

He tried to catch his breath, suddenly feeling dizzy from the intensity of the orgasm that seized him. He held himself to the sink under her still shaking body, and gently pulled his spent cock out of her, a ribbon of his sticky seed still connecting his tip to her glistening folds.

“You could have had the curtesy to pull out.” She complained, her chest still heaving and her legs still numb.

“Sorry.” Was all he managed to say, even though he wasn’t sorry at all. There was something utterly satisfying in knowing that he had filled her up with his load, marking her as his, if only for a moment.

♡ - (( Tip Jar )) - ♡

Other series;

[evvyyypeters-fics]

“You fucked me so good that I almost said, “I love you”

Sugar Daddy!James Patrick March x Coquette!f!reader

Warnings! Smut, p n v, f!ngering, eensy bit of n!pple play/ breast worship, praise, porn w plot, angst bc I can’t help myself

This might be my longest fic yet

Reupload of the request by @jazz-berry

“James!” I squealed, holding the necklace up to my neck, letting the charm rest over my exposed collarbones. The pink diamond in the charm, a Vivienne Westwood staple, matched the off shoulder sweater I was wearing.

My eyes flicked away from the necklace and to the proud, beaming smile on James’s face.

“I’m guessing I did well,” He purrs, biting at the of his cigarette holder between his beaming perfect white smile, flashy against his pale skin and dark slicked hair and light mustache.

“Oh, it’s wonderful. Just perfect.” I sighed in a lovely tone.The sound made him visibly perk up, like he was puffing his chest proudly.

“How did you even get something like this in the hotel?” I asked, baffled. I knew James was a ghost, I knew it from the moment I met him. It wasn’t clairvoyance, there was just something about him that was just strange and different even in the strange and weird Cortez Hotel that made me the least bit surprised when he revealed to me that he was in fact, dead and had been for many decades.

We were drawn to each other, like a moth to flame. Where I was the glowing sun in his dark world, and he was the moth that was drawn to the burn, having never seen the sun for so long that he craved the light and sought it out. And now that he had it, he wouldn’t let it go. Not if he had any say in the matter. Even though my relationship with James was…different, to say the least, it could only seem stranger to anyone looking in as James and I were more professional than the average couple.

A few months earlier…

“If you’re interested in what I have to offer, then all you have to do…” He says in his thick, romantic voice, holding out a small feathered pen to me and tapping his finger on a thin line at the bottom of a document. “..is sign here.” He purrs, sneering cheekily at me.

I blinked a few times at him and then glanced down at his finger on the paper, still in a bit of shock and wonder. I had any natural reaction to what was going on, a ghost had just offered to practically be my sugar daddy. Well, he called it a “mutually beneficial relationship” without the commitment of a relationship. Which would have made us friends with benefits, if it weren’t for the fact that he had a slew of rules and a contract for me to follow, along with the underlying fact that he’d be paying me. Not in a cheap hooker sort of way, but in the very obvious sugar baby sort of way. I guessed calling it a sugar daddy/ baby relationship was too vulgar for him.

“What’s the catch?” I ask, glancing back up from the paper to him, my brow furrowing a bit as I tried to determine his game.

“What do you mean ‘what’s the catch’?” He smiles, practically gritting his teeth as if he’s trying to hide the fact that he was offended by the question.

“I mean, do I have to have sex with you or something?” I ask, my voice pitching inquisitively, almost accusatory.

“I don’t think of you as a hooker, darling.” He purrs, biting the end of his cigarette holder in that charming way he does, and I feel my stomach stir a bit. It was the most bare minimum thing to have ever been said to me, and yet, in the context of my situation and the way his voice trilled, it left me on the brink of floundering.

“Then what do you want from me?” I ask, my accusatory tone silencing as I soften my energy, feeling myself physically relax in my chair a little. I was curious what a man like him would want from a young 24 year old girl like me other than sex, I had my fair share of run-ins with older men, and had never heard of one who didn’t want me just for my body.

“What I want from you, darling, is to keep me company. It’s not just being dead that makes me feel cold.” His tone was unreadable as he paced behind my chair a little as he spoke, taking a quick puff of the cigarette attached to the holder and slowly blowing out the smoke.

He stops pacing and ends up back in the chair turned towards me, he takes another quick drag from the attachment and blows out of the smoke as I bat my eyelashes in awe at him, still feeling slightly overwhelmed by what was happening.

“All I ask of you is your time. Your smile, your face, your presence.” He says it like a poem, a sonnet he created, and only for me. It made my heart swell and I could feel the slight rush as it beats a bit faster for a moment, and I wonder if being dead makes it so that you can hear the heartbeats of others better when you don’t have one yourself. I hoped not, as mine had begun to pick up speed with his words, praying that the rush hadn’t made its way to the apples of my cheeks.

I nodded, not saying anything else in hopes of preventing myself even more shy embarrassment, holding out my palm for him to hand me the feather pen. I quickly squiggle my signature on the contract, and soon as I put the pen back down, he whisks it away faster than I can blink and rolls it into his possession. A giant smile now beams his face as he holds out his hand for me to take, and I hesitantly rest my fingers on his palm as he lifts me up from the chair.

“Wonderful.” He purrs, a pearly smirk on his face as I lift my head to meet his eyes.

Present day…

“I have my ways darling. You’re not the only living person I know.” He says, taking my hands in his as we begin to sway without music, he dances me slowly around the room as we talk. Something he likes to do quite often, so I’ve gotten used to finding a rhythm without music anymore. It was like we were dancing to the beat of my heart, and not the rhythmic tune of a song.

“Besides, I’m not aware if you’ve heard of this thing called the age of the internet..” He whispers in my ear, teasing me with his sarcastic wit. For a man who still dressed like it was the 1920’s, he had quite the wit and information of the modern times outside of him. I assumed that Liz must have been feeding him this information, they spend lots of time at the bar together now.

“Aah, I see.” I nod, unsure how to respond, being tongue-tied by his words.

“You look absolutely ravishing by the way, darling. How ever did a girl like you wind up here of all places?” He purrs as he continues to slowly sway with me, his hand clasped tightly with mine as he leans down and kisses my collarbone and shoulder.

“I find I’ve been asking myself the same question.” I smiled lightly, giggling a little at the feeling of his lips. But truly, I was now numb to the idea of living in the hotel with James and the other ghosts and guests. I had no family outside the hotel, so there was nothing holding me, but I still sometimes wondered what my life would have been like if I hadn’t decided to stay. Probably no better than it is now, out there I wouldn’t have James and the others to take care of me. Specifically, I wouldn’t have James. And after being with him for so long now, I’ve realized that I couldn’t imagine living without him any more.

He pulls back and looks into my eyes with a slightly worried and confused furrow, as if sensing the tension backed in my words.

“Are you unhappy here?” He asks, and for once there was no offense in his voice. It was if he truly feared that I was unhappy with my current situation, and that he was holding me back.

“No, it’s not that. I just…sometimes I just wonder what might have happened if I didn’t decide to stay here. To stay with you.” I stuttered a bit, stumbling over my words as I tried to quickly mend what I had begun to crack before it broke. My eyes darted nervously as I was put on the spot.

He continued to have this saddened furrow on his face that tugged at my heart strings. James promised that we wouldn’t let our feelings get involved in the relationship, as I had asked him I didn’t want there to be any obligation of attachment. And yet here we were, both hanging onto each other like we couldn’t let the other go. We wouldn’t. It seemed my plan to keep myself from falling in love with a ghost had failed, and I lost all hope of escape. In myself, and in this situation. Whatever it was.

“There is nothing out there for you, darling. There wasn’t then and there isn’t now.” He begins, his voice soft and warm, like a soft and comforting blanket. “You’re right where you belong.”

“But if that means you don’t want it to be with me, then so be it. You have every right to remove yourself from this agreement, it’s in the contract you signed.” I looked up at James, feeling the heartbreak squeezing at me. I just wanted to shake him and tell him I love him, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. But I kept my composure and shook my head.

“James…” I sigh, unsure of what to say. He always found a way to get my thoughts caught up.

“Don’t think that means I won’t put up a fight though…” He mutters against my skin as he begins to place soft kisses against my neck, having stopped our slow dancing and snaked his hands around the small of my back.

“I’ll keep you here as long as I can, no matter the cost…” He begins to get more possessive with his words and actions, nipping at my earlobe and trailing kisses up and down along my collarbone, neck and face. His lips danced over mine and ended up on my cheek, letting them ghost over and leaving a small shiver to run up my spine as I felt the silent brush of him over the plush skin.

I felt a whimper choke silently, getting caught in my throat as his fingers dip under the hem of my baby pink sweater. He continues to place deep and soft kisses along my warm skin, slowly pulling me closer and closer against him as if he was trying to melt our bodies together so I was unable to ever leave his side.

“James..” I whimper softly, the words being pushed from my mouth in a pathetic melody. He finally pulls his lips from my neck and looks into my eyes with those deep, sparkling pits. So empty, yet somehow so full of love and longing. We stare at each other for a moment, still flush against one another as our breathing begins to sync. The air feels tense and palpable as we wait for the other to make the next move. We both knew what was coming, it was just a game of waiting how long it would take for the other to cave.

Little to my surprise, Jame’s hand brushes the side of my face and latches around my ear, combing into my silk hair before he quickly rushes forward and snatches my lips into his, pressing a long and deep kiss into me. My eyes flutter shut and I lean back into him, my hands snaking up his suit-clad arms and around his neck. He hums at the feeling as I pull him in closer with my hands, clutching myself onto him as he swipes his tongue on my bottom lip. Pleading for entrance, and I’m so desperate myself that I let him in, and he instantly wraps his tongue with mine. And so the battle begins, and we both fight for dominance over the other as we slowly walk back to the silk sheeted bed that had been looming behind us, the backs of my knees pressing into the mattress before tripping me over backwards. I land and bounce a bit on my back, gasping into the kiss a bit as his body cages me down onto it, continuing to bite at my lip before licking the roof of my mouth and locking his tongue back with mine.

I raise my legs from the ground and wrap myself around his waist to fold into a more comfortable position, using them to pull him closer into me and finally feeling the tent in his suit as it grinds against my lace panties from underneath the white skirt I was wearing. That was now splayed higher up my waist, pooling at my sides against the mattress. He groans as I push him in, forcing his hips to roll at the growing stain pooling into the pink rose colored fabric. He pulls away from the kiss for a moment to drag me higher onto the bed, climbing up onto it with me before he begins to tug at the edge of the sweater I was wearing, lifting it up to throw it over my head.

I help him pull it off, grabbing the end of the sweater and swiping it effortlessly off my body and onto the floor behind me. He gives me a pleased grin before diving back into the kiss, my torso raised from the bed a bit and I placed my hands at the side of his face, tangling through his slick hair and messing up the classy style. I smile against his lips for a moment and he eagerly tries to push himself back in between my teeth, my smile settling as I let him deepen the kiss. The room begins to be filled with pants, soft moans and the sound of our mouths latching as time goes on. The sweet smell of pre-sex filling the air and mixing with the musty and dingy smell of the hotel that I had luckily grown used to by now.

His lips begin to falter, traveling back down my collarbone as he kisses the middle of my cleavage, his eyes flashing up to meet mine as his fingers hook under the straps of my bra and let them fall, his hands then sneaking behind my back and flicking open the clasp. He moves further away for a moment to take the straps of the bra again and slide them down my arms as I raise them up, throwing it to the side before latching his mouth onto one of the perking rosebud nipples now exposed. Cupping the other breast in his large hand and gently twisting the standing pink bud, my hands comb their way back into his hair, holding his head between them as small moans fell from my lips.

The heat growing in my abdomen and the burn of my core became unbearable at this point. My panties practically leaking onto the bed from my drooling cunt, hungry and greedy for more. A feeling I had never had with anyone else before.

“James…” A new pathetic whine, it was starting to seem like the only word I could say anymore was his name. A mantra. Which I knew would probably make James happy if that were true. He lifts his head a bit, his gaze meeting mine as he curiously listens to what I was trying to say. “Touch me…please.” I beg shyly, my face burned and I was sure it had reached a new shade of pink.

The cheeky bastard detached his lips from my nipple and flashed a devilish grin as he lifts up to meet my face again and presses a tender kiss to my cheek.

“Is my sweet girl feeling impatient?” He purrs in my ear and I struggle to swallow for a moment, the words ringing in my ear. Sweet girl. I shivered. “I suppose I could give you another treat, just because you’ve been such a good girl this week,” He purrs again in my ear, knowing it made me tremble even more. There were those sweet words again: good girl.

Slipping his fingers under the waistband of my panties, he collects the arousal pooling from my cunt, gasping slightly in my ear as he keeps his face close to mine, tenderly pressing occasional kisses against my lips. “Fuck…” He growls under his breath in a deep low tone that surprises me, sending shivers down my back as he pulls his fingers away and shows me the glistening remnants of my arousal webbing on his fingers.

“You are truly divine,” He grins as he gains my reaction to my fluids clinging to his fingers. Something on my pleading face must have struck a chord in him, because he quickly went back to slipping off my panties, collecting more slick on his fingers before dipping in his middle and index. He expertly dragged the pads of his fingers along the top of my gummy walls, picking up a perfect rhythm that sent shivers up my spine in a constant spur. My thighs shook gently as he continued fingering me, being pulled closer and closer over the edge. The pitch of my moans heightened when he pressed the pad of his thumb onto my swollen clit, rubbing in slow and gentle circles that slowly began to speed up. The pressure of his thumb on the bundle of nerves becoming stronger as he continues coaxing an orgasm out of me.

“Oh god..” I shudder breathlessly as I feel the telltale squeeze inside of me, the ecstasy blossoming over and through my body. I can hear a soft deep chuckle in my ear as he feels the clench of my muscles squeeze his thick fingers.

“Go ahead, darling. Let it go..” He purrs in my ear, I can practically feel the grin on his face as I squeal, release washes over me and paints the sheets beneath me. My thighs shake harshly for a moment and he continues pressing into my clit until I whine with overstimulation.

“I am going to absolutely ravage you, darling” He growls lowly. “So that the only thing you can think of is me, how much pleasure only I can give you.”

“Would you like that?” He asks in a pleasant tone.

I quickly nod my head, my mind dizzy from my previous orgasm.

“Use your words dear, I don’t know what you’re saying.” He sneers, clearly taunting me.

“Yes.” My words come out soft, feather-like off my tongue.

“Good…” His words trail pleasantly, a sweet praise. He rises away from me and swiftly unclasps his belt and slides it out from the belt loop of his suit pants in one swoop, like a small crack of a whip. I jump a little and his gaze peers up at me momentarily and he flashes an amused grin at my momentary shock and fear.

He unbuttons his pants and lets them drop, swiftly stepping out and kicking them to the side, adding his suit jacket and unbuttoned shirt to the pile next. His gaze focused on removing the fabric as I lie with labored breathing against the bed, my eyes flicking up and down his figure as I watch him reveal more and more. I watched in awe as he smoothly removed each piece of clothing without struggle, and a fervent desperation to remove them.

“Enjoying the show?” He purrs, his gaze wandering up to me again and noticing the hard stare I bore into his body.

Embarrassed, my eyes dance away from their staring and I feel a hot flush burn through my cheeks harder than before. “No need to be embarrassed, darling.” He adds, finally free of all his clothes, his cock springing free from his boxers and leaking with a drool of precum.

He walks forward, crawling up over me again and grabbing at my thighs with both of his hands. He notices my skirt still bunched at my waist and swiftly slides it off, forcing a small gasp to erupt from my lips. My skin now bare and exposed to the slight chill in the room, I feel the body heat emanating from James. For a ghost he had quite the warm body, his skin smooth and soft, the smell of his cologne strong and invading my senses causing my head to stir. I could feel my body begging and calling for him, even if I didn’t say it myself. And I knew he could hear it screaming from the look on his face and the way he tenderly placed kisses along my shoulders and collarbone. His touch quickly became gentle and careful, slowly lifting my legs over each of his shoulders while placing kisses up to my ankles. I shivered at the soft touch, his hands sliding up and down my legs before settling at the plush of my thighs and squeezing them.

He removes one hand from my thigh and begins to tease my slick folds with the tip of his flushed cock, flicking over my clit a few times before slowly sinking into my hungry entrance. He slowly bottoms himself out, groaning softly at the feeling of my walls entrapping him, my cunt fluttering with neediness and excitement. He takes a few moments for me to adjust to the sheer girth, his length hitting just right nestled against my cervix.

I began to believe him when he said he was going to ravish me, because as soon as he found a comfortable grip on my legs and a steady rhythm, he didn’t hold back from pounding into me like a madman. Erotic squelches of my cunt began to fill the room as the fresh smell of sex began to linger in the air, the sounds of moans, rough pants and groans added to the mixture. I could barely feel my legs from the way his thighs rammed into me, but I could fully feel the hard strokes of pleasure ringing through my entire body as his pelvis occasionally hit just right against my budding clit while kissing deep against my cervix with each thrust. Groans and faltered breaths falling heavy from his lips.

I bit my lip, trying not to make too much noise with the thin walls of the hotel, practically bursting with sweet moans with each ounce of pleasure that began to well up in my throat.

James removes one of his hands from my legs and leans forward a little, folding me over and trapping me down as he continues to pound me, sliding his thumb over my bottom lip and asking for entrance where I graciously let him press his thumb against my tongue. He holds my mouth open, grinning at my obedience and the erotic look on my face.

“Now, darling. There’s no need to be quiet. Let me hear your pretty little sounds.” He purrs, and he chuckles a little as my cunt squeezes tighter against him, my face furrowing with the intense feeling. I try to release the hold I had on my moans, my mouth still forced open as he fondles the inside of my mouth, sliding under my tongue and over the roof of my mouth, occasionally I suck on it and he flashes an amused smile at me. My toes curl from over his shoulders, still trapped in his grip as he drills me into the mattress. My moans begin to erupt louder as I feel the warmth and pressure of an orgasm building inside of me.

“Fh- I’m g’na!” My words struggle as I moan, coming out as pathetic whines interrupted by the sweet sound of pleasure and laboring pants.

I see a new smile paint his face and pulls his thumb away and wraps his arm around my leg and presses the wet thumb against my clit, my back instantly arches and I let out a small scream, my head pressing into the mattress as he changes his speed to long and languid thrusts that slide almost all the way out before slamming back against my cervix causing me to visibly shiver. Each thrust pulled a moan from my throat. He watches my cunt and the way it tries to suck him back in each time he slides away.

His gaze lifts to me again and watches my breasts from my chest arching up from the curve of my spine. My thighs begin to shake as a hot burst erupts and I practically see stars as I orgasm on his cock. I let out a long scream, moaning loudly, which presents a satisfied grin on James’s face. He follows suit after, continuing to fuck into me after my orgasm until he quickly pulls out and pumps himself against my stomach, painting it and my breasts with his cum. I shudder, my eyes rolling back a bit for a moment as my eyelashes flutter, my brain and body feeling practically numb as I felt lightweight and fucked stupid.

James shudders for a second, his breath stuttering as he orgasms, his gaze quickly lifting from my cum painted body to my face where he places a tender hand to my cheek and lowers my legs from his shoulders.

“My darling, you are marvelous.” He sighs heavily as I slowly come back to reality, curling up into his chest. “How did I ever find a woman like you?” A rhetorical question, and one that made my heart squeeze.

I let out a pleased sigh as I wrap my arms around him, our chests flush together. He doesn’t seem to mind the stick of our skin from sweat and our mutual orgasms, and neither do I. Listening closely to each other’s heartbeats and slowing breaths as we lay in the now sex soaked bed together. I feel slightly relaxed from the smell of his cologne and my perfume mingling with that sweet deep smell of sex, the air thick of it now.

“James, can I be honest?” I ask, breaking the silence with my soft, slightly hoarse, voice.

“Always, dear.” His voice humming near my ear as he rests his arm over mine and around my back, encasing me in his grip.

“I don’t want to leave the hotel…I really like it here, with everyone. With you.” I admitted, knowing that after everything the conversation had been settled inside of him, but something in me wanted to explain myself and be open with him.

“I know. I know, princess.” James says comfortingly, pressing a tender kiss to my forehead as I raise my gaze, sliding my head against the covers to look up at him. Staring into those coke zero eyes I love so much.

“I wonder…what does this make us now?” I ask. James and I had never been so intimate in our relationship, everything being boiled up to this moment.

“Whatever you want it to be…” He says in this deep, soft melodic voice that makes my heart flutter and my consciousness feel lightweight. I decided to think about it later, just laying my head closer into his chest, nestling tighter in his arms, my eyes fluttering closed as I fell asleep. Hoping that this time, I might be able to wake up in his arms for once.

Let me love you, don’t mind my desperation,

Let me hold you, not just for a vacation,

But for real and for forever,

Make it real life, let me be a real wife to you,

Girlfriend, lover, mother, friend,

I adore you

-Lana Del Rey

Taglist (you can be added or removed at any time):

@fear-is-truth @xkaisxjazzxsingerx @lemoniiiiiii @jazz-berry @marchsfreakshow

[heauxvibez]

Kissing On My Tattoos

warning: eehh, naur warning. Maybe just a sprinkle of a moan in there, but nothing harmful :)

Roman texting you while you're on a date has never been out of the ordinary. Especially if you had no interest in the guy.

A smile lit up Roman's face every time his phone buzzed, knowing it was a message from you, signaling that you weren't enjoying yourself.

Baby Girl💕: Can you come pick me up when he drops me off?

Biting his bottom lip, Roman typed the following words,

Sure thing baby girl. Just let me know when you get home.

His brown eyes brightened, he couldn't wait to see you. Just the thought of you made his heart race which he hated but loved at the same time. He just wanted to have fun. But you, oh, you yearned for something deeper, something more profound, especially with him.

When he confessed his attraction for you but made it clear he wasn't ready for anything serious, it broke you, leaving a bittersweet ache in your heart. Yet, you understood. Some people couldn't fathom the idea of commitment. And Roman, he was one of them.

He did put an offer on the table though, he put forth the idea of ya'll becoming friends with benefits. No strings attached whatsoever.

You were very hesitant and you thought about the offer for at least 2 weeks. You were putting your feelings on the line and knew it wasn't worth it but you really wanted to be with him. And if that was the only way you could have him, then so be it.

It's been 3 months since you've agreed and to be honest, you have enjoyed it. Besides the fact that Roman always.. and I mean always flirted with other girls in front of you. But hey, that's what you signed up for.

Before you knew it, you were dipping your toes into the waters of other men's attention. After all, if Roman was playing the field, why shouldn't you? The plan was simple: keep him around until someone else came along who truly made you feel the way he did.

Roman had picked up on it. Your absence hadn't gone unnoticed, not with you off on dates with other guys. And weirdly enough, he was feeling... jealous? Roman had never really been the green-eyed type, but lately, something was stirring inside him. He knew he shouldn't be, given he'd been messing around with other girls while fooling around with you. But still, that twinge of envy lingered.

He wanted you all to himself, plain and simple. Yeah, he knew it was selfish and unfair, but that's just how he felt, and nothing could shake that.

Lately, he'd been keeping his distance from the other girls he'd been seeing. It was like he was slowly cutting ties with them, realizing that his heart belonged to you and you alone.

Slipping into a black tee and his favorite Nike sandals, Roman checked his phone after getting a text from you.

Your date didn't go as planned, and now all you wanted was for Roman to bring back that smile to your face.

___

"Thanks for picking me up Ro, tonight was horrible.."

You collapsed onto his bed, sprawling out on your stomach. His scent enveloped you, his cologne mingling with the familiar smell of his sheets. You melted into the mattress, feeling completely at ease. Your muscles relaxed, and so did your mind. It was pure bliss.

He settled on the edge of the bed near your feet, releasing a heavy sigh.

"No problem, baby."

Internally, you melted. When he called you baby, it sent shivers down your spine, but you quickly reminded yourself that you probably weren't the only one he called that.

Before long, he was stretched out beside you, shirtless now. He propped his hands behind his head, gazing up at the ceiling. His mind seemed to be wandering, lost in a swirl of thoughts.

He couldn't bear the thought of anyone else having you, touching you, holding you, kissing you...None of it. The idea alone made him want to scream in frustration.

You noticed the look on his face.

"What's wrong?"

You hopped onto his lap, settling with your legs on either side, facing him.

"Nothing..."

"Don't lie to me."

He grinned and his hands found their way to your thighs. Instantly, your skin prickled with goosebumps, a familiar sensation whenever he touched you. Your body responded in ways that defied explanation or words.

He licked his lips, nearly making you squeal with anticipation.

"It's...just that I don't like seeing you with other men. It drives me absolutely in-fucking-sane," he expressed sternly. You could tell by the look of his face, he was serious. In fact, it almost felt like you were in trouble just from the way he looked at you.

Holding back a smirk you said,

"Well, I don't like seeing you with other women, but you're the one who came up with this Friend With Benefits crap,"

"I know, I know.." he sighed, running a hand over his bearded face.

"So, what are we going to do?" you asked. You honestly enjoyed this. He was finally giving in to his feelings.

His hands lazily trailed up and down your silky skin, relishing in the way you responded to his touch, your breath catching in your throat.

"We're going to be together because the thought of you being with someone else is eating me up on the inside,"

You awed him, grasping his hands in your own and placing them above his head. Leaning forward, you captured his lips with yours. The kiss was laced with a passion you've never felt before. You both took your time exploring each other's mouths, tongues fighting for dominance before he finally won.

As Roman's tongue teased a sensitive spot in your mouth, you couldn't help but let out a soft moan, feeling a warmth pooling between your thighs.

Planting kisses along his shoulder, you traced the inked patterns on his skin, marveling at the details they whispered about his culture, his life.

When you found that sweet spot, he groaned, his grip on your hand tightening as you continued to hold them above his head.

"Baby.." he whispered breathlessly as you sucked on his sweet spot. You showed no mercy, nibbling and sucking until he was putty in your hands. Every stroke of your tongue against his inked skin sent shivers coursing through his body.

"Now, we aren't going to be together just because you say so. I really want you to drop those women, all of them. Prove to me that you want me and only me.." you murmured against his neck before sitting up, meeting his gaze head-on.

Roman pressed his lips into a thin line, eyes squinting slightly.

"Okay...I will."

Lightly slapping his chest, you glared.

"I'm serious, Roman. You're playing games and I'm not down with that anymore. I'm through being fuck buddies. Either you give me all of you or nothing at all."

Roman sat up, encircling his arms around your waist, pulling you close. He rested his forehead against yours, his desire burning beyond the physical; he wanted to claim you as his own. You were the only one who stirred these feelings within him, and he couldn't bear the thought of losing you just to play the field.

He was a fool for your pretty eyes and that smile. How'd he expect himself not to fall?

"I'm not lying, baby. I promise, I will drop them all for you."

He brushed his fingertips along the curve of your cheek, his minty breath teasing your lips as he inched closer.

"I don't have to worry about another woman's lips on your body?" you questioned, a hint of uncertainty in your eyes.

He tenderly kissed your lips, catching you off guard for a fleeting moment.

"Nope. I don't want nobody but you kissin' on my tattoos, baby girl.." he whispered, then leaned in to place a kiss on your temple.

---------------

Hope y'all enjoyed this small little one shot!

And please go read my last two one-shots if you haven't already. I enjoyed writing them and want you to enjoy reading them! Love ya'll, Muah!

Tags: @harmshake @southerngirl41 @spritelucozade @empressdede @alichesmi @msbigredmachine @theninthwonder @mzv11 @wrestlingprincess80 @saintmagx

[ribbonsncherries]

I have a request if you are interested? :)

A teen!dad jess. He has a best friend from New York (she can have a name or it can be Y/N, you can choose) (they are endgame, jess never had feelings for Rory but she has feelings for Jess, it won't go anywhere) Jess and his best friend have a kid, they co-parent (whether they are dating already or in the future is up to you) Jess gets sent to Stars Hallow, she ends up moving to stars Hallow to, to be close to Jess and so their kid can be with him too (she is emancipated, plus Jess knows she's coming because they keep in contact) if anyone reading this would like to turn this into an actual story, I'm totally down for reading it :) if you choose this request, I look forward to reading it. Thank you!!

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི₊ ⊹𝓗𝓮𝓵𝓵𝓸 𝓢𝓽𝓪𝓻𝓼 𝓗𝓸𝓵𝓵𝓸𝔀!˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

A/N: Of course! I’ve had the biggest crush on Jess since I was little. He really opened my eyes to bad boys lol. But this is my first story request, so I was super excited I literally made a whole timeline of what happened which would've taken way too much time to publish so I hope you enjoy this mini one shot! 

Summary: Jess Mariano became a teen dad at 16 and a year later is now struggling to find a place in Stars Hollow to keep his son and girlfriend safe and close. Eventually, the Gilmores come to the rescue! 

Warnings: Nothing but fluff :)

Divider credits:

@anitalenia @cafekitsune

GIF Credits:

@luke-danes

REBLOGS AND LIKES ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED!

It started as a game. Just a stupid game of 7 minutes in heaven at a house party. It turned into a friends-with-benefits deal cause Y/N and Jess were too stupidly shy to express their feelings yet the sex was enough for both of them. They were dumb hormonal teenagers. But when Y/N needed to go to the bathroom more, her craving for lemonade increased, and her period was late. The two faint lines appeared boldly. When she told Jess his heart sank. They both didn’t know how to feel, but when talk of abortion came for the both of them from a flyer they didn’t have the heart to do it. So they chose to have the baby even though both were scared shitless. When Y/N’s parents found out it was even worse, they told her they would not take over anything. Everything was up to Y/N and Jess, They would not keep or take care of the baby unless she went to school or got a job. Jess’ mother however was displeased. She was a bit afraid her son would follow the path his father did, to abandon Y/N and start something new with another woman and never hear from him again. But as Jess began working more and more to help financially his mother’s worries lessened, Y/N however continued her studies at home getting money from Jess every day to prepare for the arrival of their baby. So when their baby boy Liam finally came after 9 months it was like hot potato. Liam was passed back and forth between the both of them, although both Jess and Y/N liked each other it was hard to see each other so often from work and school. But after a year Jess was shipped off to Stars Hollow, Connecticut to be with his uncle because of his lack of effort in school. So Y/N and Jess decided it would be best for the both of them to make this work and go together. But there were some problems with Luke.

“No,” Luke said as he began making coffee. Jess had his arms in the air and shrugged with a scoff. “Luke, it’s my girlfriend and my kid. I can’t be away from my kid.” Luke looked him up and down “You shouldn’t have been doing that tango kid, 'cause I'm not having a puking and crying kid in my already cramped-up apartment. Jess, I'm sorry but we don’t have space and even if we did your school is one of the priorities along with taking care of both of them.” Lorelai came into the diner like always and sat in the barstool. “Hey! Mr Lukey Danes, Coffee for your very special and loyal customer pretty please with a little cherry on top,” she said snapping her fingers in a joking manner. “Lorelai not now.” Luke scoffed. “What’s going on? What's with the attitude between you men? Did he steal your super secret Krabby patty formula or something?” she asked. Jess rolled his eyes as he went upstairs. Luke grabbed a mug and poured coffee in it “Jess wants to bring his girlfriend and kid to Stars Hollow. But we can’t.” he said simply. Lorelai’s smile faded, “He has a kid..” she asked softly. “Yeah, with some girl named Y/N. She graduated early to take care of their kid and Jess wants both her and his son here but I told him there's no space and I can’t help cause of the diner and-”

“I’ll bring her in.” 

Luke looked at Lorelai. Her face wasn’t her joking face or smiling banter like always. But a serious one, her look of almost desperation. Lorelai looked back on when she was pregnant with Rory. How no one helped her and Christopher not even being there. But she saw how disappointed Jess’ face was when she came in. “Lorelai I can’t ask you for that, it’s too much your house is already cramped up,” Luke said. “No, tell Jess to tell Y/N to come, and I'll take her in, besides, it’s only me and a smarty pants who's always in school,” she said seriously. “I know how she probably must feel. I’ll tell Rory and we’ll make adjustments to an old upstairs room,” she said as she got up almost excitedly. “You forgot to pay!” Luke yelled out. “You can cover the bill for me ol’ diner boy!” she yelled out. 

Jess got the news and began helping out Rory and Lorelai with moving everything and making sure everything was perfect for when Y/N and Liam arrived. He paid for furniture and sheets while Lorelai and Rory cleaned up some of Rory’s baby furniture to give to Jess and Y/N. Although they were girly it was better than nothing after all. Then suddenly everyone in Stars Hollow now knew Jess Mariano the 17-year-old schoolboy had a son. “Thank you guys so much, for letting us stay, I’m sorry for the bother, Liam cries only when his diaper is wet I promise I’ll try to keep quiet,” Y/N said as she carried Liam into the house while Rory helped with her luggage. “I’ll clean and cook, anything you tell me I’ll do,” she said. Lorelai smiled, “Well, thanks our wallets are crying from takeout every day.” she joked “But seriously it’s fine I was in your shoes before and I understand how hard it is for you to be so young. it’s fine.” Jess came in with bags in his hands filled with baby stuff. “I was gonna surprise you but I guess not,” he said smiling. Y/N sped walked towards him and hugged him while Liam was in between the two. 

“I’m glad you're here,” he said softly in her ear. He kissed her softly and pulled away to take Liam from her arms. “Hey.’ Jess smiled at Liam. His black hair shone in the sun from the window as the baby smiled and tugged on Jess’ shirt. “Hopefully you haven't been giving your mom a hard time these past few weeks,” he said to him smiling. Liam laid his head on Jess’ chest as he sucked his pacifier while Jess’ carried him around the house while Rory and Lorelai were giving Y/N a small tour of everything in the House as well as Stars Hollow. Everyone in Stars Hollow was suddenly interested in the new mom and son in town Including Kirk who offered to babysit for the very specific price of 23.99. Although the people were strange (Kirk) and people began asking about her and Liam it was finally Jess and Y/N alone in their room with Liam right in between them. 

“I’ve missed you” he whispered to her. His fingers ran through her hair as he looked into her eyes. Y/N closed her eyes as she took in everything. “Me too, just afraid I guess. It’s much quieter than New York I'll say that.” she smiled. She looked down to see Liam softly snoring in between them. Her hands went to the soft black hair he got from Jess as she smiled.  “This wasn’t the life I expected, but I’m glad I’m down this path with you and I don’t regret it one bit…” she said softly. Y/N leaned in and kissed Jess softly and passionately. This was their fresh start in life in the small town of Stars Hollow.

[submissivewelshranger]

Fake spam-bot accounts have really irked me today. If you recognise yourself in the following rant then please accept that you are an unwelcome parasite!

I, like countless others, are bombarded by dozens of unsolicited DMs spamming our inboxes from accounts claiming to be “experienced and well trained” mistresses. Most will have reposts that we will have previously “liked” but no original posts. Others will have maybe a single post if lucky.

The vast majority will have empty bios or a simple “your mistress”.

99% will send a greeting along these lines: “Hey sissy, Hi slut or Hello slave”.

First and foremost YOU DON’T KNOW US! What on this Goddess—given Earth makes you assume you can speak to a complete stranger in this way? You have to EARN the right to address us in this way.

Yes we may be submissive, I know some REAL DOMMES who have also been approached in this manner. Show some RESPECT FFS! Don’t be surprised if I address you back in a similar manner.

DISCLAIMER: UNSOLICITED BOT DMs WILL BE SHARED AND POSTED FOR TRAINING PURPOSES!

Secondly, we’re not all looking for an owner. I even have it clearly stated in my bio! I know I’m not the only one who does this.

Speaking of bios, READ THEM YOU MORONS! Asking for name, age and location WHEN IT’S CLEARLY STATED AT THE TOP OF THE BIO shows a complete lack of respect for the account you’re attempting to contact! It’s a number One telltale sign that you’re a bot!

On a similar vein, castigating our bios when yours are empty just screams BOT or AI account.

We are REAL PEOPLE who want to chat with other PEOPLE with similar interests. If I want to get intimate with a Bot then I will stick my dick in a blender: it would certainly be a more pleasant experience!

Finally you are giving real Masters and Mistresses a bad name. It’s a very rare occasion for a genuine Domme to message us out of the blue; I’m still waiting to be contacted by Mistress Alice in Bondageland, Mistress Natalie Mars or ideally the Goddess, London Andrews offering to collar me. Those three Ladies would definitely give me the perfect reason to submit willingly, heart, body and soul!

In the meantime I am happy to chat with anyone- PROVIDING YOU HAVE THE DECENCY to actually take the time to find out about us from our blogs.

For the benefit of the accounts asking me to chat privately on other platforms, i only do so with people i feel a connection with. In most circumstances this will develop over weeks or months. Don’t expect me to provide my Telegram or Zangi to an empty account that’s been active for literally five minutes!

Here’s the Bot test; I’m now 53 and live in the heartland of Eryri, North Wales’ beautiful mountainous area where we still speak our native language. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

Thank you for your patience.

[according2thelore]

But what if we didn’t want to be spared? What if we wanted to hear all your thoughts about Dean and him talking to Sam about Dean getting shipped off when he pissed off their dad?

Would you tell us then!??? ;)

in reference to this post here!

omg, hello friend!

well if you insist 👉👈 

talking from a meta perspective, this is so fascinating to me! because a lot of john's control in the show is enforced by his absence.

in "bad boys," dean is punished by john's absence, and he has to face the legal ramifications of his theft. in all of season one, john's control is exerted over his sons by his absence--they follow his text almost religiously, and dean has become more loyal in his absence, not less. his intentions have to be assumed, so they are assumed pure and for the benefit of his sons.

we see multiple times (but off the top of my dome, in "the girl next door") that sam is controlled from afar by john (i.e., in john's absence) from having and maintaining "outside" social relationships. he keeps him working almost 24/7 for research (triple red eye, anyone?), and controls where and how he can spend his time (sometimes using dean as an enforcer of these rules).

it's like john is most effective when he's not there. the threat of him looms over the narrative in season one, and the shadow of him is lingering around every corner until the show ends. i mean, hell, this conversation happens in SEASON FOURTEEN. TWELVE YEARS after john dies in canon. the things that sam and dean kept secret from each other on behalf of their father, and the things we are still finding out about their relationship with him never end.

he is THE absent father, but john is absent in the way that sound is absent in a party when the music is cut off--it's oppressive, it's disorienting, and someone hits you in the stomach with their elbow because their groove has been thrown off.

and so i think it is SO INTERESTING that john also controls both sam and dean with dean's absence (or, really, his exile).

dean is the obvious one, because it's a punishment. in my head--although i guess we never get this confirmed--john sends him on individual hunts that dean could take care of solo. that way, dean has to work hard for his penance, and it's another way to keep him in check, instead of sending him off to...idk...organize bobby's sock drawer.

but also sam! john is inserting himself into and causing friction within their relationship. "i think you knew that" means that john did not tell sam that he sent dean away. it means that john didn't even tell sam what dean was doing while gone, because "it wasn't because i ran out on you."

the fact that sam does not correct dean here--or after--that he knew dean was doing something else, or doing something important, implies that john a) left out information [i.e., not giving an explanation at all for dean's absence] or b) LIED and told sam that dean ran out.

sam acknowledges that this is an apology. so john actively causes friction in their relationship (as we also see in season one) through controlling access to the truth, and controlling through exile.

i also like the fact that dean is bringing it up, in sam's words, as a "deathbed apology." UNTIL THE END, this is one of the things that dean wants to clear the air on. he knows that this hurt sam, and he is still thinking about it. it haunts him. which means he also never told sam the truth, himself.

if he comes back, and sam is furious like "hey man, why did you run off?" dean just grins and accepts it and either goes along with the lie or dodges the question. sam's disapproval and pain are part of the punishment.

it also has fun implications for stanford, because what is "if you walk out that door, don't you ever come back" if not "sending away"? while i'm sure the words were spoken in anger and pain (as seen by dean in S4), john's control has always been absences and exiles and that stays true here. he is able to control both sam AND dean through sam's exile, because now dean can only depend on john, and sam completely cut off from everything he has ever known. it's a punishment for leaving, and a last minute (effective) method of controlling his departure. sam doesn't have any agency over whether he can come back, or if he wants to keep contact with them. he turns sam's act of agency into a punishment.

(not to mention, it's all very biblical in the michael & lucifer-ity of it all. the good son is exiled and proves his worth, being ultimately accepted into the fold. while the bad son is cast off for disobedience, and the good son accepts his exile and turns away from his brother. the father becomes absent. god and john are both more powerful in their absence, and the resulting power vaccuum is still about god, even when he's not there. who is most loyal? who is right? does this man/being deserve our loyalty? if he hurt us sometimes, does that make him bad? was he ever good? should we lie to ourselves and say an unequivocal yes, anyway? because if we tell the naked, scary truth, that means that we hurt each other for no reason, and will keep choosing to do so. because that's what he taught us to do.)

all this to day, THE IMPLICATIONS! THEY ARE RUNNING AROUND IN MY BRAIN! this scene is SO fascinating to me because it reveals an interesting new facet of their relationship to john and each other. do i think some of john's control was exerted as an act of love for his sons during some pretty intense extenuating circumstances? yes. do i also think that things like this were an insane power play meant as a punishment because john was an angry man? also yes.

(i didn't even get into the "you practically raised me" and "you were the one that was always there for me. the only one." which are also INSANE and i'm eating those words rapidly.)

thank you for this ask, lol!! it was so nice to see! i'm so lucky i have folks who love to scream and shout w me about these fellas! i hope my thoughts made at least a little sense. i am stirring this scene in my brainrot cauldron rn.

-lizzy

[onigiriico]

Muu audio drama (t2) - English TL

[ links: Spotify / YT Music ]

Behold, the longest voice drama I’ve ever posted. This thing is almost 2.3k words long. I am in pain /lh

As always, feel free to head to my ask box or my Twitter (now actually with open DMs lmao) for any questions, potential mistranslations, etc.!

Also,, Trigger warning (aside from. well. the usual Milgram things): Towards the end, they discuss another character’s threat of suicide. It’s nothing super graphic, but there sure are... opinions on it, so please proceed with caution if that’s a touchy topic for you!

⬇️ translation under the cut ⬇️

(door opens)

M: Ah, it’s been a while, Warden-san. – Things have gotten tough, haven’t they… Everyone seems to be struggling and the whole atmosphere feels tense because everyone’s struggling, it’s really troublesome.

E: Is that so?

M: But as for me, I think Milgram has become a lot more comfortable! I know now that I can get whatever I want if I ask for it, so I don’t need to be so on edge anymore.

E: …

M: You did say that you and Milgram are our allies, and maybe you were right all along!

E: …

M: Aww, it’s boring if it’s just me talking! We’re talking to each other for the first time in a while, so you tell me about something interesting too, Warden-san~

E: You’re in pretty high spirits.

M: Am I?

E: I feel like you’ve brightened up.

M: Maybe…

E: But following the judgment after your first trial, the situation in Milgram has changed. And in the aftermath, Kotoko has attacked people too… From how I remember you, I would have expected you to feel uneasier than this.

M: Huh? But that has nothing to do with me.

E: What?

M: The ones who are suffering are the ones who have done bad things, right? You know, like, what goes around comes around.

E: …

M: Besides, Kotoko hurt and was mean to the people who didn’t get forgiven by you, right?

E: …Yeah.

M: Wouldn’t it be weird for me to have any thoughts on that, then? After all, I didn’t do anything wrong. You forgave me!

E: …

M: Eh? Is something wrong? Those who didn’t get forgiven by you must be bad people, if you ask me! I believe in you, Warden-san, so I’d hope you feel happy!

E: …Thanks for that.

M: See, you said you forgave me and that’s part of your job, so it’s probably right! Come on, come on, have some confidence!

E: … Speaking of which, you seem to be pretty close to Haruka.

M: …? Yeah! He’s the one I get along with best in Milgram!

E: Do you have some kind of goal with that?

M: Huh? E: Haruka’s loyalty towards you is one thing, but with this kind of relationship, I think it’s only natural to wonder if you’re using him for something.

M: Ehh… Warden-san, do you not have any friends?

E: Huh?

M: Are there any?

E: None that I could think of.

M: Wow, poor thing,.. I’ll teach you! Friends aren’t like that, you know. Rather than using each other for something, we just get along because we’re comfortable around each other. That’s all.

E: Well, I’m sorry about that.

M: Haruka-kun is really nice! He accepts anything I say, he listens to anything I tell him. For me, that’s really comfortable.

E: And that’s… “friendship”?

M: What do you mean? Of course we’re friends! Haruka-kun is happy with it, so it only has benefits for both of us!

E: I, as someone who has no friends, can’t judge, of course, but isn’t that just exploitation?

M: Exploitation…? Um, I don’t really understand, but… I do help him pick out clothes [in return], and I recently gave him a hairpin I didn’t need anymore as a hand-me-down!

E: …

M: We also have in common that we’re both people who were forgiven by you, Warden-san, so I don’t think it’s a relationship that anyone could have a problem with! E: … I already said this to Haruka, but Milgram consists of three trials, and I have only forgiven you this once. I think it’s too early to feel completely safe.

M: Eh~ You already decided to forgive me. I think it’d be uncool to be like, “Oh, actually, nevermind” now.

E: This is just how it is.

M: It’s fine already, isn’t it? You saw me, didn’t you? And from that, you decided that I haven’t done anything wrong, didn’t you?

E: Yeah, that’s right. For the first trial, that is.

M: It’s the same no matter how many times we do this. I’m me, after all. That won’t change.

E: If I keep looking from now on, will I come across something that puts you in a less positive light?

M: Eh?

E: Milgram reveals the truth through videos and music. After deciding whether to forgive you or not in the first trial, I’ll continue to dig deeper, searching for the truth inside your hearts once again.

M: …

E: For example: Things that you hid. Things that you forgot about. Things that weren’t visible through the rest of your strong feelings. Those are things that I’ll be shedding light on.

M: Hmm…

E: Or at least it might be.

M: …I don’t get it, but whatever. I haven’t done anything wrong, after all.

E: Is that so? It’s true that I’ve forgiven you once… but I remember feeling uneasy about it the whole time. Was it really right to forgive you? Aren’t you still hiding something? Things like that.

M: …Why… would you think stuff like that? That’s mean, Warden-san… You saw me, didn’t you? All the awful things that were done to me, that I couldn’t have escaped from without killing someone! I can’t believe you’re saying this to me, after I’ve gone through all of that… Warden-san, you’re mean.

E: Maybe I am. Your pain and suffering has certainly reached me. Or should I call it bullying? One-sided violence and mistreatment… I’m sure it was difficult to handle. It’s not unreasonable to come to the conclusion that murder is the only way for a weak person to get out of that. That’s exactly why I forgave you.

M: Yeah… If I hadn’t done that, I could have died some day.

E: But – are you actually that weak, Muu?

M: Huh?

E: That’s the source of my unease. Are you really that weak? Were you really getting picked on for being a weakling?

M: What do you mean?

E: How did it come to that in the first place? What was the cause? That’s what I don’t know. You could say it was conveniently omitted.

M: …

E: Even you yourself refuse to go there. Is it a topic that you don’t want to touch upon?

M: … Warden-san, I think you’re really doing something bad. Isn’t it a bad thing to act like there has to be something wrong with someone for them to get bullied?

E: Oh?

M: No matter the circumstances, it’s always the bullies who are in the wrong! Isn’t that obvious? Warden-san, you’re so smart, but you don’t even know things like that? Maybe you should take some lessons on morals or something.

E: …

M: Besides, even if I’ve done something wrong, there’s nothing that could justify bullying someone. Warden-san, I thought you were a nicer person.

E: So sorry that I’m not living up to your expectations.

M: If you’re reflecting on it, I’m willing to forgive you, though…

E: Could I ask the generous Muu to spoil me by letting me ask one more question, then?

M: What is it? If it’s a boring question, I don’t wanna.

E: Let’s say you’ve done nothing wrong—

M: Not “let’s say”! I have done nothing wrong!

E: Got it, got it. So, even though you’ve done nothing wrong – you got bullied. Why do you think that is?

M: I don’t know that! I mean, my family is rich, and my appearance stands out [in a good way], too… they probably did it out of envy or prejudice or something, right?

E: Right, right. And here I was with the theory that you were originally in the opposite position…

M: (slams her hands down)

E: …!

M: What are you saying…?

E: Just that it could also be speculated that you bullied someone and the tables turned on you.

M: Do you know what an awful thing you’re saying right now?

E: What are you getting this angry for? You’ve done nothing wrong, right?

M: Warden-san… I hate you.

E: This is just speculation. Don’t get so mad.

M: …

E: So what? Can you not give me an answer?

M: I haven’t bullied anyone. I’d never do such a mean thing! I’ve never hit anyone or poured water over anyone’s head. I wouldn’t do something like that! I’m not lying! I’m not telling you lies! I really haven’t done anything!

E: I see. I’ll take note of that.

M: … Um… um, by the way, Warden-san! I don’t know about this, but…

E: What?

M: You forgave me because I just gave my bullies their payback, right?

E: …Well… I guess so.

M: What was it called again… Revenge… Revenge? That means revenge can be [an acceptable motivator], right? And if you don’t forgive me this time, that’d mean that it’s not. If we leave aside the thing you said earlier about me maybe having bullied someone before – not that I actually did that, of course!

E: Sure.

M: So if I paid back what my bullies did to me, that would be revenge, right? And if you feel like I had no other choice than that, then don’t you have to forgive me?

E: … Uh… I’m not really sure what you’re trying to say…

M: You see, if you think that me bullying someone back after being bullied is the natural course of events, then wouldn’t it be bad to bully me back again in return?

E: …

M: But if you were like, “I won’t forgive you, Muu! Revenge is bad!,” then wouldn’t that imply that it’s also bad for me to bully someone back after they bullied me? Since we’ve all done something bad anyway, doesn’t that mean that I’ve not done anything wrong in the end?

E: …I think I’m kinda… starting to get your point… maybe…

M: … Warden-san, are you maybe not that intelligent, after all…?

E: Well, sorry about that.

M: Well, I guess it’s to be expected. You talk to a rabbit, after all. (giggles) Either way, you’ve understood that I haven’t done anything wrong, so it’s okay!

E: I sure have understood that talking to you isn’t getting me anywhere. But I guess since you made this explanation, I’ll take it into consideration.

M: Ah, but if you don’t forgive me, Haruka-kun will die, so I think it’d be best to not do that.

E: …!

(bell rings, machinery whirrs)

E: So you’ve heard about that nonsense too?

M: Yeah. Haruka-kun told me. So I could rest easy, according to him. That made me happy… It made me really feel our friendship!

E: You know about it and you’re not trying to stop him? Haruka, that is?

M: Why would I? Haruka-kun says he wants to do it, so there’s nothing I can do, right?

E: But you’re calling him your friend.

M: Isn’t it exactly because he’s my friend? Isn’t friendship about letting your friends do the things they want? … Are you about to tell me “that’s not what friendship is”? Then what is friendship? You’re together because it’s beneficial for everyone involved, aren’t you?

E: I don’t think Haruka is benefitting from that at all.

M: No way… It’s not like you could know what’s good for him.

E: …You sure are tough to beat.

M: I really don’t understand what you’re trying to say, Warden-san. It’s Haruka-kun’s personal freedom to decide what he wants to do, and I’m not doing anything wrong. It’s not like I’ve asked him to do it!

E: I see. That’s how it is, huh. You don’t say anything; just because you’re present, your surroundings’ wishes change to benefit you— Oh, so that’s it. Like a born queen. No, it’s like you’re influencing your surroundings not with words, but with pheromones… Just like a queen bee.

M: Pheromones…? I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but I don’t like that lewd-sounding stuff…

E: That’s not the nuance I was talking about.

M: Either way, there’s people who deserve to be unforgiven more than I do, so I think you should focus your efforts on them instead. Like, Kotoko-san has done something bad, for example. Ah, but what she did was approved by you, wasn’t it?

E: …You’re making my blood boil.

M: Anyway… I think you would do good to forgive me. Then Haruka-kun will be safe too. Ah, actually, couldn’t you just forgive everyone? Then Kotoko-san won’t run amok, and you won’t have to think about all the difficult stuff.

E: That is… a very attractive proposal.

M: Right? (giggles)

E: Abandoning all the thinking… How nice it would be if I could just do that.

M: … If you ask me, I don’t really get why you don’t do it…

E: Because this is the role I’m playing.

M: But the role was given to you, wasn’t it? You didn’t end up doing this because you wanted to, right? It’s not a dream you’ve had for a long time or anything, right, Warden-san? So there’s no need to let it tie you down. Couldn’t you just quit?

E: What are you…

M: Warden-san, we call you “Warden” because that’s what you are, right? I was assigned to be a prisoner, but that doesn’t mean my heart will become just that of a “prisoner” too. After all, I’m still me.

E: …!

M: Warden-san, are you okay? Are you feeling sick again?

E: (heavy breathing)

M: That’s because you keep thinking too much about difficult things. Just stop. Being the Warden, that is.

E: … Just— shut up, already! Prisoner no.4, Muu! Sing your sins!

[bengiyo]

Only Friends Ep 3 Stray Thoughts

Last week, Mew said yes to Top and they started dating through their competitive dynamic. Boston is still hooking up with Nick and stringing him along, but tried to hook up with Top in the shower. Ray followed Sand around and now they're in a friends with benefits situation. We met Cheum's girlfriend, and Top seemingly impressed the lesbians.

"What am I to you?"

Not JoJo and NiNew responding on Twitter!!!

I hate the way Boston strings Nick along with false hopes.

Oh ho! Now Nick gets to be specifically jealous of Top!

These pillows are hideous and look uncomfortable.

"Last night was priceless." BOY, BYE

How long has Ray been in a drunken stupor that they were all stunned that he volunteered to do more than ask his dad for money.

Interesting that they trust Boston with the security cameras and just like with Top he's hiring someone he still wants to fuck.

Not keen on the silent disco with two DJs.

Not this man singing the lyrics, "I'm a villain, no matter how much I love you, I must die eventually."

Sand called Boston the village slut in the nicest way possible.

The way Khaotung got off that table as Ray was so well done. He's playing drunk so well.

"I can differentiate between love and sex." Famous last words.

And here I thought Nick would do some of the installation labor and it not just be six people standing around while one guy works.

The vitriol with with Boston describes Mew's relationship with Top! Whew! And then he got caught off guard by being asked if he liked Top.

Good cinematography in that car scene to show that Nick felt alone after that conversation.

So invested in Sand hating Top.

Well, they made First sing again.

Boston is so fucking mean, holy shit. He didn't need to fuck with Ray too just because he wants Top. Still, liked that gay little shift Neo gave in the way out of the kitchen.

Great work from the score in this goodbye scene with Mew and Top.

Very impressed that Ray closed that canopy of his car basically without looking.

Sand was correct to leave. Ray keeps teasing and pushing for more, but he runs to Mew immediately when he gets a call.

Damn, Boston. Also, Top, my dude, I thought you were smarter.

I was hoping the wiretaps weren't a throwaway line! Nick, welcome to your villain era!

Everyone is playing games, but Boston is the only one winning. He had a clear objective: Get Top's Dick Again. And, unlike everyone else, he got what he wanted. Ray isn't getting Mew. Mew isn't outplaying anyone. Sand is not navigating this liminal space with Ray well. Nick is getting bodied by Boston. Top just looked dumb this week.

[daitranscripts]

Skyhold Conversation: Fiona

Investigate

Skyhold Masterpost

Fiona: Greetings again, Inquisitor.

Alexius given to the mages Fiona: I heard of your verdict on Alexius, Inquisitor. Servitude is… kinder a punishment than I would have given, but I won’t complain. He may wish you’d done worse. My fellows have some interesting ideas on exactly what he can do as compensation.

Alexius is researching magic Fiona: I heard of your verdict on Alexius, Inquisitor. Research on your behalf is almost too kind. I hope you know what you’re doing. Do be wary of anything that man proposes.

Alexius imprisoned Fiona: I heard of your verdict on Alexius, Inquisitor. After what he did, I would have seen the man hanged. Rotting in a dungeon with have to do.

Alexius executed Fiona: I heard of your verdict on Alexius, Inquisitor. It was what he deserved. I hope it serves as a warning for anyone, magister or no, who thinks of trying that again.

1 - Dialogue options:

Investigate: You were a Grey Warden? [2]

Investigate: You still lead the mages? [3]

Investigate: How did Alexius take control? [4]

General: Everything is well? [5]

General: Carry on. [6]

2 - Investigate: You were a Grey Warden? PC: You were once a Grey Warden? Fiona: Mine is… an unusual circumstance, Inquisitor. Normally one is part of the Order until death, but long ago I found myself stripped of what made me a Warden. They tried to reinitiate me, but nothing worked. Nor could they figure out how it happened. So I was sent to the Circle of Magi, the first Warden ever to be kicked out. Quite the achievement.

Dialogue options:

Special: That didn’t bother you? [7]

[Back to 1]

7 - Special: That didn’t bother you? PC: You sound happy about it. Fiona: Becoming a Warden seemed like a dream when I was first conscripted. Towards the end, however, my brothers and sisters… they felt I had somehow cheated death. I was glad to leave. It also made me unique in the Circle. I had an opportunity to do more than I ever could as a Warden.

Dialogue options:

Special: You started the rebellion. [8]

[Back to 1]

8 - Special: You started the rebellion. PC: You mean you began the mage rebellion. Fiona: I pushed for our vote to free the Circles of Magi, but I cannot claim sole responsibility for what followed. Still, despite all the chaos, I would do it again. What happened had to happen. [back to 1]

3 - Investigate: You still lead the mages? PC: You’re not still the grand enchanter, then? Fiona: Any claim I had to the title ended along with the Circles of Magi, although some still call me by it. Perhaps the Circles will one day be resurrected. If so, another will take the position. Until that time, I lead my fellow mages by default. I will do what I can for them.

Dialogue options:

Special: The Circles will return? [9]

[Back to 1]

9 - Special: The Circles will return? PC: You believe they’ll recreate the Circle of Magi, after all this? Fiona: It depends on who the next Divine is, and what she offers. We can’t go back to the way things were… but endless warfare benefits no one. That is why I agreed to Justinia’s Conclave. There must be another solution.

4 - Investigate: How did Alexius take control? PC: I’ve been meaning to ask: how exactly did the Venatori take control in Redcliffe? Fiona: Mages constantly found their way to us while we were there. Stragglers. Most of them strangers. I had no way of knowing some were actually Tevinter. They spread whispers, encouraged talk of an alliance… and we were desperate. I’m not proud of our choice, but we were certain templars were coming. It could have ended far worse.

5 - General: Everything is well? PC: I trust everything is well with the mages?

Fiona (conscripted): Some struggle with the idea we are once again subject to control… but we are enduring.

Fiona (conscripted): A few malcontents claim you’ve put us in a new Circle, but most are relived to be safe.

Fiona (allied): Most are pleased with the alliance, even if we wonder what will happen next.

Fiona (allied): We’re mostly relieved. An alliance with the Inquisition offers security, although who knows for how long?

Fiona: There have been a few scuffles with your templars, but overall it is going well.

6 - General: Carry on. PC: I’ll leave you to it.

If Alistair rules Fiona: Before you go, Inquisitor, a question? In Redcliffe, after we left, did you perhaps speak with King Alistair? Considering who you are…

PC: He wasn’t in the mood to talk.

Fiona: It’s just that… I knew his father, Maric, back when I was a Warden.

Dialogue options:

General: I could introduce you. [10]

General: That’s interesting. [11]

General: And…? [12]

10 - General: I could introduce you. PC: You want me to smooth things over with him? Introduce you? Fiona: No, it’s too late for that. [13]

11 - General: That’s interesting. PC: Oh? That’s rather interesting. Does he know that? Fiona: No, he doesn’t. And he shouldn’t. [13]

12 - General: And…? PC: And what? You were hoping that would patch things up with him? Fiona: No, it’s too late for that. [13]

13 - Scene continues.

Fiona: I only wanted to know if he was happy. His… father had such hopes for him. Don’t mind me, Inquisitor. The concerns of an old woman, nothing more.

[tearsoftime0086]

Zero-Sum Escape: A Close Reading of Code Veronica’s Steve Burnside

Introduction + Disclaimers

If you’re a friend/mutual/unfortunate witness to my discovery of Steve Burnside, you might’ve seen this coming. I’ve become an avid enjoyer of the character, which has led to some interesting discussions about him with friends! I’ve decided to write a small (edit: it was supposed to be small) piece on what makes him so interesting, using quotes and cutscenes from the original Code Veronica game. A lot of online discourse around Steve has historically been negative, so I hope this can be a positive primer for folks who want to learn more about him, or even an interesting curio for folks wondering why someone would do such an in-depth read for a one-off character.

This reading will focus strictly on Code Veronica (and not any of the Darkside Chronicles material) – with the full understanding that many aspects of the game are a product of their time, good and bad. I’ll try to cite my evidence as much as possible, but this will obviously be coming from a subjective and modern perspective as a fan of his character! I’m also a fairly new Resident Evil fan, so if anything’s incorrect, please forgive me and let me know! I’d be happy to make edits.

Anyway, this is all in good fun – and to anyone who even reads a single sentence of this, I appreciate your time!

Reference

As a way to “cite” dialogue and cutscenes, I’ll be including rough timestamps to this great video of Code Veronica cutscenes: https://youtu.be/ym46RPHqaSY?si=a6ItTpdOn3rCZq-U. Feel free to follow along, but the text should make sense without the video too.

So, who is this guy, anyway?

Let’s start with the basics. In the game Resident Evil – Code: Veronica (taking place shortly after RE:2), you start as Claire Redfield, recent prisoner of Rockfort Island. Unfortunately, Claire finds herself in the midst of another biohazard outbreak. And what’s worse is that during her escape, a stranger in a watchtower starts shooting at her indiscriminately! (0:05)

When the dust settles, Claire comes face to face with an abrasive teenager named Steve Burnside, a fellow prisoner on the island.

“Uh, sorry about that little misunderstanding…” (0:43)

This, alongside his attempts to be “smooth” – (I mean, who says “Relax beautiful…” unironically?) doesn’t do him any favors for most players. Not to mention his active derision of Claire’s skills – he leaves her with a few choice “tsks” and a “I don’t want you following me, lady. You’ll only slow me down.” (1:30).

This opening scene sets up a few key characteristics for Steve, which I’ll be referencing throughout this piece.

Steve is someone who makes numerous mistakes, ranging from purely accidental to sheer negligence.

Steve puts a heavy emphasis on reliability/dependability. He leaves Claire because he thinks she will “slow [him] down”. We’ll see more examples of his complex with “relying on others” later on.

Where do these traits leave us? A character that ends up being deeply paradoxical, and in my opinion, super fascinating because of it.

“You’ll just end up disappointed if you rely on others”

Claire finds Steve somewhat quickly afterwards, perusing information about her brother, Chris. I think it’s important to recognize Steve’s intent here. If he was purely focused on escaping (and leaving Claire behind), he wouldn’t have bothered looking for any records relating to her. Some folks may argue that he has a crush on Claire already, and is just following teenage impulses. But trust me, there’s more concrete evidence of teenage impulses later. For now, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he was trying to help her out – it ties well with point 2.

Steve’s snooping reveals that Chris is being monitored by Umbrella. Claire immediately takes action, contacting Leon about it. At this point, Steve sarcastically tells her,

“That file shows latitude and longitude of this place. Tch, why don’t you send your brother the coordinates and ask him to come help?” (2:20)

When Claire takes him completely seriously, he becomes prickly.

S: “Hey? I was just kidding? There’s no way he could get here, even if he is your brother.” C: “Yes he can; I’m sure of it.” S: “No way. He won’t come. You’ll just end up disappointed if you rely on others. Believe me, I know!”

Steve’s sudden anger and exit demonstrate how much this topic of “reliability” affects him. He’s vocal about his need for self-reliance – and yet, if we take his investigation in a positive light, it’s not like he’s completely selfish in his attempt to escape Rockfort.

Steve is someone who desperately wants to believe in human reliability, and yet has been spurned due to the circumstances of his imprisonment. We’ll see that he tries to emulate it himself, but unfortunately (and perhaps realistically) falls short.

Yet, what really nurtures this desire is Claire – someone who he can finally depend on. The pair’s next encounter comes when Steve is in trouble (if you’ve seen the “Steve is suffering” memes, it’s from this scene). The player hears him yell a pitiful “Help me!” as he bangs against a locked door – so much for relying on yourself.

If Claire solves the puzzle fast enough, Steve escapes and tells her, “That was too close. But I found something. Thanks to… you.” (3:44).

Thus begins the two’s shaky partnership – and believe me, it’s shaky. Steve runs off yet again, only agreeing to give Claire the essential golden lugers if she trades him something “fully automatic”. But Steve’s obviously on better terms with her now, as seen when he emphatically tells her, “See? This is why you need me. I got your back,” later (5:10). Quite cooperative for someone who was crowing about not relying on others.

In the midst of these scenes is a growing desire to look good to Claire – to be someone she can count on.

The knight fantasy – and bitter reality

Steve ends up describing his own motivation pretty well. Claire finds herself stuck with a nasty Bandersnatch, before Steve dramatically comes to her rescue (more on this in the next section). Afterwards, he eagerly proclaims the following:

S: “Oh yeah, that felt good! Don’t worry Claire, your knight in shining armor is here!” C: “You wish – but thanks for the help.” S: “See? This is why you need me. I got your back.” (4:54)

Steve wants Claire to see him as someone she can rely on – as a self-proclaimed knight to save her from the influx of zombies. It’s why he tells her to wait as he clears out the following area with his “new toy” (6:35). He wants to be the hero who saves the day – Claire might not be able to count on others, but she can sure count on him. He even states it outright afterwards:

“See? You can depend on me.” (6:58)

But maybe this is too blatant of a turn even for him, because he immediately backs off and instead mentions his guns instead:

“You see? This thing is a lot more reliable than any person.” (6:59)

Claire takes immediate suspicion of this, however, and starts to ask questions.

C: “Than people?” S: “…” C: “Steve, what were you doing here? Who brought you here, and where’s your family?” S: “Shut up – I don’t want to talk about it!” *shoots his gun at the wall* C: “Steve…” S: “Never mind. Let’s get going.” (7:04)

Note that he punctures this conversation with an angsty emptying of his gun magazine at the wall. This is no knight – this is volatile, teenage behavior. Claire can tell there’s something on his mind, but Steve doesn’t seem to be in the condition to explain anything.

Steve does the same thing four times – aka, analyzing entrances

As a brief interruption (but it ties into the rest, I promise), let’s take a chance to look at the different ways Steve barges into a cutscene. Humor aside, Steve’s physical actions vary across the four different times he comes to Claire’s “rescue”.

Bandersnatch (4:30)

The first rescue is all cliches and edge. Claire’s “knight in shining armor” breaks through a window dramatically. He shoots at the Bandersnatch without even directly aiming at him, walking forward as he shoots with his dual wielded lugers. It’s almost comical as he walks straight up to the Bandersnatch, delivering a kick and single killing shot for good measure.

It’s all impractical – Steve’s incessant wish to dual wield would hardly be effective in real life, let alone everything else here.  But this scene, cliche as it may be, reflects what Steve wants to be in front of Claire. He’s the action hero, the knight – the one who can be counted on to swoop in and save the day.

The Infamous Father Scene (8:13)

These heroics fail him once the two encounter his father. No longer is this a fantasy but bitter reality – and Steve can’t find it in him to shoot his infected dad. It’s only when Claire is in peril that he takes action – and this time, it’s impulsive and rough. He unloads all his ammo in a single, shaking shot, continuing to press the trigger even when it’s all gone.

It’s now that Steve tells Claire the full story – his father was caught trying to sell confidential Umbrella information, leaving his mother dead and the two of them locked up here. He morosely tells Claire, “He was a fool to do something so reckless! So stupid…” (10:15). We can see how much his father’s actions have impacted him – his desire for consistency comes from having his familial life ripped apart by the actions of someone he trusted dearly. And now, at the end of it, he is truly alone – the last one left in his family.

Alfred (11:07)

The next time we find Steve, we see a little bit of the Bandersnatch energy back in him – there’s the same aim, the same kick (to open the door) – but it’s less dramatic this time. There’s no slow-motion focus on shattered glass, no cocky final shot. In fact, this encounter leaves Steve visibly hurt – a crack in his armor. Steve’s still trying to be Claire’s dependable rescuer, and yet this encounter shows that he’s not the infallible knight he wishes to be. Far from it, considering the mistakes he'll make later on.

Alfred in Antarctica (21:30)

This cutscene skips forward a little, but it’s a nice final reminder that Steve does genuinely try his best to protect Claire, and succeeds! We see him take two stylish leaps and then shoot a quick few bullets to rescue her from Alfred. He’s still trying to emulate that knight image, but it’s more efficient than his Bandersnatch moment.

The Flight (and THAT SCENE)

After numerous troubles, Claire and Steve are finally able to escape the island. Needless to say, they’re elated and exhausted. Now that the coast is clear, Steve decides to get honest with Claire and apologize:

S: “Claire, I’m sorry. I know I caused a lot of trouble for you.” C: “No; it’s okay. It was hard for both of us.” S: “Well, I really hope you find your brother. I… I know what it’s like to be alone.” C: “Oh Steve…” S: *coughs awkwardly* “So, where should we go now? I can take you anywhere you want to go, Claire.” C: *laughs* “I hear Hawaii’s nice this time of year.” S: “You got it!” (14:20)

(On a personal note, isn’t this scene so cute? If only this was how it all ended…)

It’s here that Steve bares his heart to Claire. It’s clear that his mishaps and snarky remarks have been weighing on him too – he genuinely wants the best for her. When Claire is all too accepting and sympathetic, however, Steve begins to reveal his feelings (in… controversial ways).

After they find out that the plane is out of their control, the two of them take an uneasy rest. In the cutscene at 16:12, we find Claire leaning on Steve – a physical sign of how she relies on him. As if to follow his teenage impulses, Steve leans in for a kiss – only to startle as Claire begins to wake. His notion is thwarted immediately. Steve stands up,leans on the glass, slams the window and sighs.It shows signs of a “what was I thinking?” moment of clarity.

After all, kissing princesses in their sleep is something knights do in fairy tales. And Steve? Well, he’s no knight. He’s someone who’s almost hindered Claire’s escape as much as he’s helped, and he knows that. This thought is only exacerbated with his actions upon their arrival in Antarctica.

Antarctica, where more mistakes ensue

The plane decides to violently crashes into the side of the Umbrella Antarctica base. Steve kicks the door down and jumps first, reaching his arms out to catch Claire. She lands after, only to stumble and leave them both on the ground. Steve pulls her into a hug, which Claire doesn’t quite reciprocate. As she stands up, Steve lays back flat on the floor, sighing. It’s clear he’s jumped the gun, and it leaves him embarrassed. He doesn’t take Claire’s hand back up and tells her that they should split up to try and find a way out (18:55).

Steve’s love causes another mistake shortly after. The two of them try to break through the base wall with a digging vehicle, only for Steve to get distracted by Claire midway through. This causes a toxic gas pipe to burst – interestingly Steve tries to correct it through the controls – perhaps a reflection of his desires and fantasies for an “undo”. But in reality, he can’t undo his mistakes, and Claire is forced to grab him and leave the area.

This last mistake hits Steve particularly hard:

S: “It’s all my fault…” C: “Don’t say that. Listen to me – we’ll escape from here, together.” C: “Come on, we’ve got to shut off the gas. If we split up, we’ll have a better chance of stopping it.” S: *sighs* “…Okay.” C: “Steve. Don’t forget. We’ll get out of here. Together.” (20:45)

It’s not as if Steve is blind to his own faults – he knows that he’s been the one hindering their escape and takes it particularly hard. Claire has to reassure him multiple times that they’re working as a team to get out of here.

As a further blow to his ego, Steve is completely useless when the two exit the base and encounter Nosferatu, previous Alexander Ashford. Claire notices Nosferatu first, but Steve forces himself ahead of her soon after. He’s still clinging to the need to protect her.

However, Nosferatu easily knocks him off the platform, leaving him clinging to the side. Steve’s at his lowest here, and urges Claire to just leave him behind. If he can’t protect her, then what use is he?”

C: “Hold on, I’ll waste that monster and come back.” S: “Claire, forget about me. Run!” (23:50)

Claire’s resourcefulness and skill allow her to defeat Nosferatu and come back to Steve, still weakly hanging on. She pulls him back up, and Steve is left apologizing again for his rash behavior:

S: “I’m sorry. I failed you.” C: “Don’t worry about it. Let’s go.” *she leaves* S: “I swear I’ll protect you next time, Claire.” (25:15)

At this point, Steve’s all too aware of how his mistakes have left both of them in peril. It’s something that he deeply dislikes – as someone who wants to be dependable, he’s being a poor show of it. Claire’s been the one helping him out through most of this, both emotionally and physically. And so he makes himself a promise that next time, he’ll repay the favor.

It’s with this personal promise that the two climb aboard a snowmobile, hoping that they can make it to the Australia base. Unfortunately, this escape is a dead-end for them as well.

Sleep, weary knight

After Alexia awakens and destroys the snowmobile, Claire is rescued by Chris, who managed to find a way to Antarctica. She’s insistent that they must rescue Steve. She finds him cuffed to a chair in a long hallway, with an axe against his throat.

To Claire’s dismay, it seems she’s too late. Alexia has injected Steve with the t-Veronica virus. Steve’s last words before his transformation are a desperate plea for help. At this point, he’s actively asking for help from the one he loves, but fate has it that Claire is powerless. He begs Claire to save him, but she can only watch in despair as he morphs and chases after her.

In what seems to be a miracle of love, Steve manages to snap out of it just before he lands the killing blow. He instead slashes through Alexia’s entrapping vines, sparking her ire and a fatal blow to his chest. He dies in Claire’s arms, once again in human form, lamenting how he couldn’t protect her – how he couldn’t be her knight:

C: “Oh Steve…” S: *brings Claire’s hand to his cheek* “You’re… warm…” C: “Steve, you’ve got to hang in there, okay? My brother’s come to save us. We’re getting out of here!” S: “Your brother kept his promise. I’m sorry I cannot…” C: “What? What are you saying?” S: “I’m glad that I met you… I…. I love you… Claire…” C: “Steve? Steve?! Steve!” (34:15)

To players who dislike Steve, this may be a cheesy ending to a tedious character. And yet – we see Steve’s character arc complete fully in this final scene. No longer is he a volatile teenager, or a “cool” hero, or a self-perceived deadweight. He’s just Steve – utterly human Steve, who couldn’t keep his promise, and yet saved Claire in his own way. And it’s in these final, human, moments that he can confess his true feelings – only for everything – his façades, his love, everything – to all vanish.

The arm theory

As a somewhat lighter ending to this post, I’d like to discuss a little theory of mine.

People who have been following along with all the cutscenes might have noticed Steve’s right arm getting injured during the fight with Alfred. There’s no visual effect on his model, and Steve even claims, “I’m fine; it’s just a scratch” (11:30). And yet I’m convinced that it was quite a serious wound.

Note that he continues clinging to the platform in the Nosferatu battle with his left hand (24:40), not his right. Yet he keeps clutching his right arm in the cutscene after (25:44). And more importantly, Claire is the one driving the snowmobile during their escape attempt, after Steve had taken the wheel so many times prior (25:59). My theory is that the deterioration of his right arm is also why the arm is significantly skinnier upon his final transformation. If you look super closely at the bottom of the screen, you can actually see his right hand convulse as he mutates! Does this imply anything? Not really. But it would be cool to see this brought back somehow in a hypothetical remake, especially as Darkside Chronicles skipped these parts entirely. Kind of reminds me of another Resident Evil character who had arm injuries…

Anyway, if anyone made it this far, thank you! I hope this was a little insight into why I appreciate Steve so much as a character – and maybe in my wildest dreams, made you potentially enjoy him too.

[vani-is-typing]

I just saw the first episode of the adaptation for a good girl's guide to murder, and you know what? I think it is indeed a good girl's guide to murder — book to tv adaptations.

Because i tried my level best to give it the benefit of the doubt the moment they straight up showed us, like in the very first shot of the proper opening, it was Andie walking with the back of her head all messed up. But then the show just jumped straight into things, exposition be damned.

It was such a sudden start, followed by such a choppy and trippy directing style along with characters being thrown in your face left and right. That's literally the advantage of a series, that you can take your time with exposition and introducing characters, and the show gave us the perpetrators within the very first episode, probably within the first twenty minutes of the show.

Seriously, the casting for Elliot Ward, the vibe the show character gave off, and the camerawork done around him; I wouldn't need to have read the books to know that this man, this sus as all hell man, was somehow involved with the whole Andie-Sal case.

If only they'd told us he was a teacher right away too, and I would have immediately found him to be the guy who wrote Sal's confession, because it was so "literate".

I'm not even going to get into how ludicrous and tacky the whole Hastings silver whatever party add-on was to the script, and the way Pip showed in that star costume to Ravi's.

Honestly, I feel that in the show, most things Pip is doing are very un-Pip-like, because Pippa is supposed to be a compulsive character, not impulsive. Everything she does seems to be done recklessly without much forethought, or if there is a thought process going on, we as an audience are not privy to it, which is a bad move that does not allow us to truly know her character in the least.

I understand the show makers were trying to take a different, creative angle, which would be more suitable to their storytelling methods and perhaps, what they thought would be more compelling to the audience, and it might even have worked—had this show not been adapted from a very well-loved book series.

Many people watching the show have already read the books, with some reading them just to see the show and how it compares. This translates to, we have pretext. We know what the book's flow was like, that the show's flow should have been like. We understand the essence of every character, the vibes of every scene, and the overall themes and tension at play throughout the story, which unfortunately for me were not captured by the show at all.

It's a shame, because the actors seem to be trying their best, the show makers probably tried their best to make this engaging and interesting, to have us on the edge of our seats even with most people already knowing what will happen by the end, but it fell flat because they mangled the story so much, that it lost both the mood and momentum, and the mystery, that so many people out there, or at least I, stayed with the books and loved them for.

Now, since we can't end on such a sad note, I'll tell you about my favorite moment from the first episode, which was when Nisha Singh, Ravi's mom, opens the door for Pip and Pip goes, "I have some information for Ravi" and Nisha's like, "From a galaxy far, far away?" because Pippa's dressed like a bloody blinding star.

This was the only scene I liked so far after having seen the first episode because it made me go, "ha! Now we know where book Ravi gets all the sass and charm from."

So, anyone else watching it? Or seen it already? Warn me about how much worse it's gonna get from here. Ciao!

[basket-of-radiants]

Proposal for Re-working the Kholins’ Character Arcs - a semi-coherent “essay” by me (feat. @akpaley​, thank you for your contributions and for your attempts at editing.)

Hey guys. Different kind of post this time around, compared to my usual brand. It’s time for some fix-it fanfiction masquerading as literary critique. I won’t be using a readmore, I dunno, probably to punish anyone still following this blog or something. So! In this post I’m going to solve the all the issues of racial theming associated with the Kholin family.

I’m often very harsh on the Kholins for benefitting so much from exploitative power structures while doing little to help those below them. But then I’ve also criticized them for actually addressing these very problems in-universe. How can I be upset at them for their inaction and then also be annoyed when Jasnah ends slavery? The short answer to all of this is just that the ways these topics are addressed all feel very inauthentic. For example, in real life history it took over a century of protests, slave revolts, political campaigning, and civil wars to legally end slavery in Europe and America, and abolitionists were met with fierce opposition at every turn. A fictional world need not follow our same historical trajectory, but it still seems a little disingenuous for a monarch to just decide to end it within her first year of power because it doesn’t mesh with her philosophical framework. It’s more like trying to wrap up a subplot than actually address the topic.

Ultimately however, there’s only so far this line of criticism can ever take me because the Kholins are the protagonists and you can’t get rid of them without turning the whole story into something else entirely. And Sanderson shouldn’t have to, these are characters that he created and he’s allowed to tell a story about them. And I actually like a lot of their personalities and arcs and outlooks quite a lot. I do think it’s...unfortunate...to have used slavery and racism as disposable props in a story that ultimately turned out to be about a bunch of royals learning to be better people and saving the world along the way. So I guess what I’m interested in is if there’s a way to keep the premise, keep the characters, keep the general story beats, keep the themes of honor and personal growth, keep the basic structure of everything, and still handle those themes with grace. You know, could this be a compassionate story about addressing racism told from the point of view of nobility? Is such a thing possible?

Well, I’m going to try my best. And I’m going to be imperfect about it, obviously, so if you actually care enough to read all this shit, I welcome discussion and disagreement. 

Jasnah is the most obvious example to point to as being indicative of the problem, but I also think she has the easiest character fixes. She’s already been established as an outspoken dissident on many of her society’s deeply ingrained values. Just add to her atheism and feminism that she’s also always been an outspoken abolitionist. Give her ties to an ongoing reformist movement. Have her lecture Shallan about it in Way of Kings. Make that a reason she’s butted heads with her family so much. I do think it’s poor writing to have a ruler end slavery on a whim, but I won’t deny that having the right person in power can make a huge difference. It’s not as cathartic as having Kaladin lead a slave revolt (or as having Moash destroy society <3) but that doesn’t make it inherently bad so long as the topic itself is still treated with weight. Have her moralistic ideology be firmly pre-established so that when she has to explain why she’s abolishing slavery, her reasoning can be purely pragmatic. The reason she’s moving so fast is because this is a historical point of heightened change, and so her reforms are more likely to work, but if she waits too long and things settle back into a new status quo, she may have missed her window. Not to mention, when her nephew comes of age, her own legitimacy as a ruler might be challenged, so she needs to do as much as she can in what may be end up being a short reign. As a character, Jasnah has always been able to girlboss her way past political realities through sheer force of personality, and that’s great and all, but I think it heightens her character’s competence if she does have to deal with real backlash, not just to her but to her policies as well. The narrative doesn’t even need to linger on her opposition, but acknowledging it and acknowledging that she’s simply a member of a preexisting and ongoing movement would have done wonders to portray slavery as a real and prescient issue. Then again, this is a topic which people have fought and continue to fight wars over, so it wouldn’t be unreasonable for her to have receive major backlash either; perhaps when the Kholins hear in Words of Radiance that she was assassinated, the news could come as tragic but not entirely unexpected so as to imply that her opposition has attempted such in the past. All this is to say, I don’t think it’s at all wrong for Jasnah to do what she did. I also don’t think her entire stance on abolitionism should have come down to a comment where she tells her uncle she’s trying to rule according to ethically consistent values. The fact that slavery was insultingly easy to end not only delegitimizes is as a topic worthy of discussion, but also is a really scathing indictment of literally everyone else in the ruling class who didn’t even think to try.

Jasnah done, easy, Dalinar next.

Dalinar is probably the most complicated character for me to discuss and form coherent statements on. He’s just so rife with contradictions down to his core. That’s probably why I continue to like him so much, why he’s still my favorite, even though I still consider him to be a Bad Person over all. I think deep down I’ll always lean a bit too pacifistic ideologically to ever consider a warlord/general to be a good person, no matter how honorable he may be or how much growth he may undergo. Don’t get me wrong, I still do love his growth. Dalinar is characterized by his constant change and forward momentum, even moreso than the rest of the cast. So for discussing him, at what point can I point to him and say “this is Dalinar, this is who he is, this is what he believes and what he cares about”? Of course, during any point in his arc, you’re going to have to grapple with the fact that all of his lofty rhetoric about honor and striving for personal betterment is ultimately going to be pretty useless to all the people whose lives he’s meaninglessly thrown away across his military career. For me personally, when I talk about his character I like to take the end-of-oathbringer approach, where I acknowledge everything he did in the past as Blackthorn, I agree that it was pretty fucked up, and I forgive him and grant him a clean slate. All this to say that even if I’m judging him purely by his behavior as the current Dalinar within the present day continuity of the books, he’s still a massive hypocrite with horrific amounts of blood on his hands which he’s never even bothered to consider. I dunno, when I first read Way of Kings and I first got to meet this general who’s leading an army in a literal genocide campaign, I sort of figured he’d get some kind of “wait am I the bad guy” moment at some point in the future. And he did get a moment in Oathbringer where he has to fully confront his guilt over past actions, it was great, I really really loved it! But it was also all about actions he took before the series even started, so I guess wiping out the listeners wasn’t a sin he thought needed any atonement. I’m not going to get into the narrative’s treatment of singers and listeners on this post (for no other reason than because I have waaaaaaay too much to say there) but the point I’m getting at is that however good Dalinar’s growth is and whatever direction it takes, it’s always going to have poisonous roots to me. And his treatment of class/racial issues is no different. 

Fixing Dalinar is going to take a lot of what Dalinar does best: introspection. In Way of Kings, Dalinar dislikes how Sadeas treats his bridgemen because he believes it to be dishonorable, because he believes Sadeas is forcing others into a situation that he himself would never put himself into. He also has various sympathetic reflections here and there about how sad it is when soldiers die, and about how without the benefit of the Thrill, violence is actually kind of bad. You know how it goes. But I don’t think he ever put himself at risk to actually help or protect any of the people who are dying. Whether he wants to end the war or not, he still continues to participate in it. And he’s still willing to set aside the lives of literally everyone beneath him so he can pursue his dream of unity. The book ends with Kaladin and the rest of bridge four saving him and Adolin, and in gratitude, he purchases their freedom and gives them honored positions in his household. You know, because he’s so honorable. Everyone loves this scene, so I’m going to make it the catalyst for Dalinar’s new and improved character development. The problem with saying Kaladin helped Dalinar so Dalinar helped Kaladin is that when I’m being reductive and uncharitable (like I’m being right now), I can argue that their relationship basically started as a quid pro quo. This scene is meant to prove that Dalinar really is the most honorable person in Alethkar, just as Syl thought, only it doesn’t actually do that. See I don’t actually want Dalinar to start treating Kaladin as an equal. I want Dalinar to, in that moment, realize that Kaladin is better than him. That for all of his pontificating about honor, he would have never even considered risking his own life and the lives of his own family to rescue a bunch of bridgemen. I want him to see Kaladin’s honor, and rather than be validated in his beliefs, I want him to be thoroughly humbled. Let him spend all next book reflecting on all the lives of darkeyes he’s destroyed. Let it shame him, as Evi’s death shamed him. He already flirts with these lines of thought, and he already has an arc about confronting his past actions. Let the racial injustices he’s participated in be a part of that. Let him abandon his books and traditions instead look to Kaladin to learn what honor truly means. I don’t know how any of this would translate to his actions, because if we’re being honest his ideals are already quite incongruous with his actions, but the fact that he manages to have such strong theming regardless makes me think maybe that’s okay. I guess ultimately it would be enough for me if his character, as someone who symbolizes the ideals of a nation, was able to look at a darkeyes publicly be a follower rather than always trying to lead by his own personal example.

That’s Dalinar. Elhokar next?

I actually don’t think there’s too much wrong with Elhokar’s writing, especially in the first two books where a much greater emphasis on these themes were placed. He’s not a protagonist and we the audience aren’t supposed to endorse his actions. Most of what I’d change about his story is more about Kaladin and Moash than it is about him. I definitely don’t love that he can throw away the lives of his own people by the thousands in the genocide campaign that was the vengeance war, and then have the narrative just ignore all that in favor of him being sad about his own incompetence. If Elhokar is meant to be a sympathetic character, then when he calls himself a bad king, that’s what he should be thinking about, the number of lives he’s wasted over these years. I actually like him a lot more as a less sympathetic character, and I think I would have preferred if in oathbringer the narrative and the other characters would have stopped making so many excuses for him. Back to Kaladin and Moash, those are the two characters defined by their experiences as members of the downtrodden caste, so I personally sort of judge the problematic-ness of the whole story by how they get treated. Everyone loves to talk about how those two are foils. So. In order to strengthen Kaladin and Moash’s characters, either Elhokar needs to be as much of a monster as Amaram, or Amaram needs to be just as sympathetic and conflicted and having-of-a-toddler as Elhokar. Don’t get me wrong, I genuinely love the trope of finding at the end of a revenge quest that the person you hated has changed and grown. But I hate how this means that Moash’s hatred is wrong and unjustified, whereas Kaladin’s is validated at every turn. I don’t actually dislike Elhokar. I mean I think he’s a bad person, but I like a lot of characters who are bad people. I just think that if this story really wants to grapple with class and race (because it sure brings them up a lot for a story that doesn't want to talk about them), then Moash is a much more important character than him, with a lot more to add to that kind of discussion, which is why I think Elhokar’s characterization would have to come second to Moash’s development. (Obviously if this series were being reworked to be better on this topic, Moash would have to be written with a lot more compassion in general, but this post isn’t about him.)

Intermission time. Gavilar.

Gavilar is already perfect, 10/10, great character all around, what a guy, no notes, no wonder he’s so universally beloved among all of the fans, social justice icon.

Okay onto Navani.

I may not be the best person to talk about Navani. She has never been a favorite character of mine, and so compared to the others I haven’t thought as much about her values or the way she thinks or the narrative impacts of her actions. Someone who has more love for her would probably write better criticisms of her. (I’m going to reject any premise that falls along the lines of “Navani isn’t racist because she feels X,” but I’m not wholly confident in my analysis here, and I welcome any good faith critiques both of my own thinking and of her character when come at from other angles.) It’s hard to say where she should have grown from how she starts out viewing darkeyes because I don’t actually know how she starts out viewing darkeyes. I know I’m probably meant to assume she just treats everyone equally because she’s a Good Person on Team Good Guys, but it’s hard to just accept that she had all around good values when she married a warlord and was in love with his more violent brother. I dunno, was her “good guy” status meant to have always been an element of her character, or did she get it secondhand from her association with the new and improved Dalinar? With someone like Adolin, we got to see what shitty values he held at the start of Way of Kings (I’m talking about the Alethi warmongering, not his interest in fashion) but we also got to see how his father gradually won him over throughout the course of the book, and then later on we get to see him develop further on his own. For someone like Navani, I find it strange how she’s always so proactively supportive of Dalinar in everything, even when his own goals and values are in flux. I assume her character is just meant to be super ride or die when it comes to her family, and I do like that in a character, but that also means that she’s been wholly willing to support or at the very least excuse her family’s oppression and exploitation of darkeyes without comment. (See, Lirin is a much better parent than Navani, he would never have let his son start a whole genocidal vengeance war for fun and profit (I say this as if I’m joking but I’m kinda not.)) Some people have reminded me that she was pretty much shut out of the political process by Gavilar and Elhokar, and I agree with that, but I don’t really have any evidence that she would have cared much about darkeyes even if she had been more involved. In general it just seems like the whole topic doesn’t matter much to her. So what I would wish for the narrative would be to lean further into this. Draw attention to her cognitive dissonance and try and make the readers feel conflicted about her as a person. Highlight the fact that she’s willing to overlook the suffering that befalls other families if it means success for her own. I think one of my issues with her is that to me, this is a major (and interesting!) character flaw, but the books never seem to treat it as such. Honestly I think if this were intentional, I’d probably find her character really interesting, but from my reading of the text, I feel that I’m supposed to think of Navani as a generally decent person who’s by and large on the right side of things. The thing is, with the caste system playing such an integral role in their culture, I think she needs to have some sort of feelings about it, or else the fact that she doesn’t should be an issue to overcome. Otherwise she becomes another factor delegitimizing racial oppression as a real and important problem. If she’s a good guy and she doesn’t care about racism, then that’s saying you don’t have to be antiracist to be a good person in this world. 

Probably could have done that one better. I dunno. Leave me angry and hateful comments if I’m totally misrepresenting your favorite character. Moving on.

Adolin already has some great character development across the books. And he already has kind of engaged with this stuff in his story. Unfortunately, that’s less used in the “this person was racist but is becoming better sense” and more used in the sense of “Kaladin learns that #NotAllLighteyes are bad” which is pretty unfortunate for a number of reasons. Especially since, if he actually was going to prove he’s different from other lighteyes, out of all the Kholins I think Adolin is the best candidate for being a full on class traitor. I’m serious, looking back over the events of his plotlines, it would suit him shockingly well while disturbing the overall narrative shockingly little.

Adolin’s current plot is loosely as follows: in Way of Kings he likes all the things someone of his station is supposed to like, clothes, violence, dueling, warfare, swords, hangtime with the guys, all the good stuff. At the beginning of the book he doesn’t understand why old, stuck-up Dalinar can’t just let loose and be a relelntless war-monger like everyone else, but by the end of the book he’s come to understand a certain value to honor and thus has begun to become a better person himself. Words of Radiance has him lose his popularity, fall out of favor with all of his friends, grow disillusioned with his society, perform a prison sit-in in solidarity with Kaladin, and murder Sadeas. Most of this is done again, because of his father, and how Adolin now wants to help and support him and his ideals. In Oathbringer he mostly isn’t involved in courtly politics, being away on a mission for much of it, but he does make a pretty big move by rejecting the throne. In Rhythm of War we see the schism that’s formed between him and his father until he leaves on another long-distance mission. Summary over. In general I reject the idea that making the Kholins be individually less racist makes for a better, or more nuanced and compassionate discussion of the topic, but if anyone is primed for a “lighteyes learns racism is wrong” character arc, I think it’s Adolin. Imagine him following a bit less in Dalinar’s footsteps and a bit more in Jasnah’s. You almost don’t even have to change any story beats: in getting to know Kaladin, something clicks in Adolin where he realizes that if he wants to treat Kaladin as his equal, he has to treat all darkeyes as equals, and so he realizes to his horror that he and his entire caste of friends and family are all monsters for treating them the way they do. (Actually, there is one plotline in WoR I’d probably scrap, and that’s his slowburn bromance with Kaladin. I mean I get what Sanderson was going for with the ribbing and then eventual friendship, but Kaladin was an absolute stranger who risked his own life to save Adolin and his father from certain death, and so I feel there should probably have been a bit more overt respect upfront there.) In pushing for his newfound belief in equality, he ends up burning through all of his intracaste goodwill and political capital, causing all of his friends to drop him. When he kills Sadeas, it doesn’t have to be about protecting Dalinar or about personal revenge, it could also be that he’s gotten to know Bridge 4 and learned firsthand about the atrocities they’d gone through, and so there’s no way he’d allow such a pioneer of human rights violations to stay in power. In the following books, maybe he’s become so politically toxic due to challenging the very foundations of his own power, his own family has to send him away on missions so he can’t rock the boat too much at home. Maybe refusing the throne was more of a political statement than a personal one, because he’s come to understand that being a ruler means oppressing thousands of others. Maybe this is another form of hypocrisy he criticizes Dalinar for, how Dalinar might claim to value darkeyes but how he still retains power bought with thousands of their corpses. None of this has to modify actual events very much, it just affects the reasons for them. And it would also meaningfully show why he gets to be a “good lighteyes” if he actually engaged with his status and rejected it, knowing it comes at the expense of others.

Okay, enough about that. Renarin maybe?

I won’t say too much about Renarin here, because I’d probably just end up repeating a lot of the same criticisms of how he’s used as a “good lighteyes.” From a narrative standpoint, all those criticisms hold for him as well. You know, he wants to join Bridge Four, and future-villain Moash doesn’t like the idea because he doesn’t trust lighteyes, but Kaladin reassures him that Renarin is a good boy, so don’t worry about it, and everything works out fine in the end, proving that lighteyes are good people just like you and me. This isn’t a problem with him as a person or character, it’s just more of that general theme of “the caste system is fine so long as nice people are at the top” which I clearly think should be interrogated. Thus far, in contrast to the rest of his family, Renarin is very young and has had much less of a political presence, not to mention fewer POV chapters anyway, so I think delving too much deeper here will feel a bit hollow to me.

Does Shallan count as a Kholin? I’d like to talk about her super briefly.

Unpopular opinion, but I actually think Shallan is one of the better characters on the topic of race insofar as how she’s written, especially compared to the other Kholins. But wait, I hear you say, what about all of her dozens of instances of casual racism? Yes, that’s what I’m referring to. I like how Shallan demonstrates how ingrained these harmful ideologies are in their society. I like how every time she has a distasteful thought, we the audience are reminded that racism still exists and even good people will continue to promote it if they don’t view it critically. I like that Shallan is problematic, because their society has problems! At least with her it doesn’t feel like the story’s trying to sweep the fact under the rug. There are plenty of issues with her writing, plenty of jabs at Kaladin that probably shouldn’t have been treated as cute. She’s actually the main character whose racism and classism I see criticized the most. And I think that’s a good thing! My issue with the Kholins isn’t that I think they should all be less racist, my issue is that their positions are inherently oppressive, and it seems as though the narrative doesn’t think that matters so long as deep down they’re good people. When people critique Shallan in specific instances, I tend to see a fair amount of consensus and agreement there, but when I critique the Kholins people will argue with me by pointing out that Dalinar/Adolin/Navani/whoever actually treats darkeyes as equals, so my arguments are invalid. Purely my own anecdotal experience of course, but it tends to make me think that there’s something in Shallan’s writing that’s working right, something that isn’t working for the other lighteyed characters.

Now obviously with all of this, I’m not saying I want these books to have more racism in them. What I’m arguing is that if the books are going to explore the topic (which they do) then they should treat the topic with an appropriate amount of gravity rather than acting as if it can be solved by having aristocrats become nicer people.

If you’re still here with me, thank you for reading, I love you, I hope you enjoyed yourself through my descent further and further into rambly nonsense. If you just scrolled to the bottom, that’s fair enough, there won't be a tl;dr but you’re welcome for filling your dash with massive text blocks.

[hyenahunt]

Obbligato: The Punishment of Kaname Tojo - 13

Writer: Akira

Season: Spring, two years ago

Characters: Kaname, Tatsumi

Proofreading: Remi (JP) & honeyspades (ENG)

Translation: Peace

Tatsumi: I like the idiotic you.

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Kaname: Is that—

B-Brother?

Tatsumi: ... Brother? Ah, has your family come to see you?

I'm jealous. My own has never once come to cheer me on in my own idol activities, you see.

They are far too used to hiding themselves away in places the light cannot reach. To them, I am a dissenter.

As sad as it is, my family always thought of me as odd, terrifying, and even incomprehensible.

Tatsumi: That is why... I was so happy that you believed in me.

I am no god nor saint, so I am a little troubled that you hold such faith in me. Still, I am thankful we are able to walk on the same path at the same time as comrades.

Reimei Academy is Hell, however... I have always been surrounded by a gentle warmth.

I'd like to thank God for that.

Kaname: That's my line.

How were you able to believe in me? You've always done everything yourself, for as long as I knew of you.

You sought to change everything on your own, without asking for a single bit of help from anyone.

That's why when I asked you to form a unit with me, I was surprised you agreed.

What if I betray you again and steal your stake in it all?

You and I are the same rank right now. We've announced such to the world, and they've acknowledged it. Who's to say I won't simply use my status and take whatever I'd like from you?

You and I are the main heads of this unit. That is how it appears on the outside, while in reality I'm the one who manages everything.

I could keep you in the dark. If I did that, then I would become Reimei Academy's Top Idol in more than just name.

Tatsumi: I don't believe you'd do such a thing.

You already stood at the summit of Reimei Academy without having to go through such lengths to form a unit in line with my ideology.

There was no benefit in it for you to bring me, a risk to your interests, into your arms.

In your position, you could have simply excluded myself and every Non-Special Student and ruled Reimei Academy with Special Students alone.

Tatsumi: Rather, it would have been far easier to do that — in this day and age, the world is clearly favoring that direction.

However, you expressly included myself and the Non-Special Students within it, despite how much the Special Students detest us.

The backlash you face from this will be inevitable, and it will certainly hinder your future activities.

No wise man would have risked himself like that.

Kaname: ... I'm an idiot, aren't I?

Tatsumi: I like the idiotic you.

Kaname: ......

Tatsumi: I am as much of an idiot as you are, after all.

I had a dream that was not meant to come true.

Those wiser than myself tried many times to warn me against pursuing it, but I disregarded them and tread on alone. Stubborn as a mule, I tried to create the utopia I had long dreamed of by force.

I was like a young child, chasing after an unrealistic ideal. No matter how wise my words may seem, I am no different than those children who draw their fantasies of heroes and monsters.

Tatsumi: I wasn't raised properly, and so now I play pretend as anyone might have done when they were a toddler.

Something that any sensible adult would scold me for.

And now, I pursue a dream anyone would have forgotten as they grew up.

However... You, who likes me for the way I am, nestled closer to play along.

You weren't disturbed by me, and we became two of a kind — two people who should have been scolded for fooling around by others.

It truly made me happy.

That's why, even if you were to steal all that I possess, I would forgive you. Because no matter if your feelings and words were falsehoods, I was grateful for them.

Kaname: ... I wasn't the only one who nestled close to you — plenty of others must have too.

Your followers, the ones who gathered in the catacombs — they would have been your playmates whenever you'd like them to be.

So why... Why was I the only one chosen? Why am I the only one you favor?

Isn't this an example of that "inequality" you can't stand?

Tatsumi: That is because in Reimei Academy, you are the only one who tried to be the "same" as me.

Not as someone to follow the beliefs of, nor as someone to look upon as an enemy, but as someone to stand on equal footing with.

You know, I've always longed to have a friend like that — one who would stand equally right by my side.

However, being foolish and inexperienced as I was, I had no idea how to get one.

You were the only one to show me how, the only one to act on it and manifest my desire. You became my equal and reached out to me.

You tried to befriend me and walk at my side.

That is why I took your hand. I was overjoyed.

That's all.

Kaname: That's all, huh.

Tatsumi: Yes. And now that strange child, naive and without common sense, has finally found someone to play with.

That's all.

[ ☆ ]

✦✦✦✦✦

← prev ✦ all ✦ next →

[ink-and-dagger]

I would like to know why you follow an artist on Twitter that draws Miguelxminors I like your content but if you support that I can’t keep following

Can you do me a favour and send me another anon ask with the @ because no I absolutely don’t support that and would like to block ASAP without having to look at their content.

I’m guessing I must have followed whoever they are because they do art for a fandom I’m in? I don’t have any interest in the spiderverse so wouldn’t have followed for that. I’m also rarely on twitter, so miss most of the content on there even from people I follow. If any content like that shows up on my socials I block instantly. Always have and always will. It will have absolutely been an unintentional follow, and anyone who knows me or who has been around my blog for a while knows exactly how I feel about this kind of content. So I’m guessing you might not have been following me for too long.

But while you’re here can I offer some general advice? Maybe tone down the aggression when pointing things like this out to people. If someone is following one problematic account, and doesn’t show any signs of actually supporting that type of content, then perhaps it’s best to take a benefit of the doubt approach? People make mistakes sometimes, you know?

Maybe sending something more along the lines of:

“Hey - I noticed you’re following <x-account>. Were you aware that they post <x-content>?”

Because honestly the energy behind this ask is giving me flaming torches and pitch forks at my front door and I really don’t appreciate it.

[chaotic-archaeologist]

Hey Reid!

Your answers and tips you give to people have been really helpful to my understanding of what Im getting myself into and what are some more steps i need to be taking to find a job in the wonderful world of archaeology. I have a kind of unusual path I’m attempting to take and wanted to know if you had any insight?

I graduated college with a BFA in computer animation and after graduating realized I would be miserable in that line of work. Next month I will be going back to college to pursue a higher diploma in archaeology. My goal is to hopefully then move on to getting a masters in digital archaeology but Im worried that because Ive chosen to grt a higher diploma instead if a bachelors (in an attempt to save money and time) my potential for getting into a masters program may be not great. Theres not a whole lot of info on these degrees online because I believe they are only an Ireland and UK thing. My dream is to work on digital reconstructions of sites and artifacts that can be used in education thats entertaining.

I guess I’d like to know if you know anything about getting into the field of digital archaeology as well as pursuing a masters without specifically a bachelors. Im afraid Im banking to hard on the possibility of finding the right people to get an internship because if I dont, its such a small and niche sect of archaeology that, as far as I can tell, theres not a whole lot of jobs in. Im very worried Ill graduate and have nowhere to go again.

Thank you for your time just reading this! I deeply appreciate it!

Hmm, so I don't have any experience with the degree you're talking about or the illustration side of archaeology (because I cannot draw to save my life). So if any of my followers have more insight, please feel free to speak up.

With that being said, I do have some general advice/words of wisdom.

First, getting into an anthropology graduate program without an anthropology undergraduate degree is not impossible and happens more often than you think. It definitely helps to have taken some anthropology classes. The most important thing is to be able to articulate why you fit into anthropology/how your skill set benefits the field.

Second, the anthropology job market is competitive, and the advice I'll give you goes for pretty much anyone with a very niche interest. It would be awesome if you could get a job in your chosen field—plan and work for that. Do not give up. However, you should also cultivate a skill set that is more broadly employable. Your digital skills sound well suited for that already. During any subsequent degrees, keep your eyes and ears open for other careers that might interest you.

If you can find someone who has a career somewhere along the lines you want, see if you can get them to be some sort of mentor. They'll be in the best position to offer you guidance on how to navigate professional waters.

-Reid