#this is me reminding not only myself but YOU too my friend!
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Took me a CENTURY to write this, but finally i'm decently satisfied with it!
I love this art, OP, it's really magnificent! Hope you'll like this tiny fic!
A simple life.
Dr Watson rolled his eyes again as Mr Holmes, at his arm, renewed his protests about their outing.
“It is you who insisted on not having a housekeeper.” Remarked Watson.
“Of course. I did not leave our home in Baker Street to behave myself around you.” Replied Holmes, undeterred.
“So we need to take care of the house and this includes taking care of the groceries. Together, Holmes.”
The detective sighed and acquiesced, still muttering under his breath about leaving his experiment.
The doctor smiled. “Oh, but cheer up, Holmes! It is a wonderful autumn day!”
“It’s freezing.”Answered Holmes a smile about his lips, just for the fun of arguing.
Dr Watson laughed at the quip and squeezed Holmes’ arm against his ribs. “Now, darling, don’t be dramatic. And remember your own deductions on Mr Parker.” He winked.
Holmes chuckled softly. “I have also promised you not to test any deduction of that kind, my dear. If Mr Parker is an invert, he certainly has good taste: he can’t take his eyes off you.”
Dr Watson laughed at the detective’s flirt and shushed him playful, pointing then at some detail of the countryside so as to cheer his partner up.
As in most of their trips to get groceries, it was Watson the one who actually took care of choosing their food and Holmes mostly worked as a porter, a very vocal and curious one.
“My dear boy, what sort of inhuman amount of food are you planning for.” Snickered the retired detective, holding onto the pumpkin Watson had pushed in his hands while he browsed the rest of the vegetables on sale.
Watson chuckled. “Should I remind you again that two adult men must eat to live, old man? – He asked rhetorically. – It’s autumn, and we can do a lot of delicious things with pumpkins, and they’ll do you good. Especially now that you’ve somehow taken to eating even less meat than earlier.”
Sherlock Holmes shrugged. “Meat is just quite a bit too heavy, I told you already. I don’t think we actually need to eat as much of it as certain people do, I find my mental energies much less impaired by a vegetable dish than a meat one.”
Dr Watson snickered again, locking his eyes with their green-grocer friend’s and exchanging a look with him.
“Ah, Mr Holmes. You can’t seriously believe that food impairs one’s mental processes!” Laughed Mr Parker, his incredulity painted on his features.
Holmes gave a bark of laughter and the doctor sighed deeply as the detective launched in his explanation.
“As we both know, Holmes, – interrupted at some point Dr Watson. – food is essential to the work of the brain and indeed of the body. I shan’t remind you of the times you fainted on a case, old man, or should I?”
Holmes huffed comically, as their friend hid a smile under his moustache. “This is for my protests, isn’t it?”
“Only partially, my dear Holmes, only partially. It’s also because you’ve been quite cavalier about your meals recently. And it shows.”
“You truly are biassed, dear boy. – Huffed Holmes, barely restraining himself from circling his husband’s waist. – I shall bow to your desire for food then, if only to make you stop worry.” He smiled.
Dr Watson chuckled again, now together with Mr Parker. “Thank you for such concession, old man.”
Holmes grinned a well-known mischievous grin. “Ah, we’ll see to my payment later.” He smirked as Watson paid for their shopping, almost making him choke on saliva to stop himself from laughing.
He coughed a bit to regain composure. “Sure thing old man. We shall indeed see about it at home.” He replied in a low growl that made some blood rush at Holmes’ gaunt cheeks.
Dr Watson grinned at the sight, and took his leave from the market stand with all his best London cordiality, Holmes’ arm safely in the crook of his elbow and every intention of paying his darling back for his concession and his impertinence.
And patience if the transaction might lead to a slightly delayed lunch, they would be very much able to cope.
Sussex fall market 1910
Sorry for late autumn pic
#my fic#not my art#fanfic#beeretirement#sherlock holmes#john watson#victorian husbands#sussex retirement#flirting
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important psa
hey all. i don't normally make these kinds of posts, but it's been brought to my attention how severe this issue is. it's affected at least 25 people, and there's absolutely more that i don't know of. first, i'd like to mention to NOT contact anyone about the contents of this post. not the user i'm talking about, not the people who were victim to them, nada. i especially don't want anyone harassed over this.
second, i want to note that this story starts off mild, but slowly snowballs into something worse. please stay with me as i explain my story.
for the past two years, there's been a user in the pizza tower community named gin. i'm not naming her specific blog for privacy reasons, but if you know, you know. something very important to note is that she's autistic, much like myself. a huge part of autism is missing social cues, not understanding social rules, and various other situations.
about a year ago, gin joined the pizza tower wiki discord server. at first, she was just another member of the server, someone i interacted positively with and held minor conversations with. things took a sharp turn. suddenly, she'd be venting in the offtopic channels, and venting to me in dms. the server and gin often clashed in our interpretations of her comfort character, peppino, where we often liked his more hostile and jerky side, while she prioritized his kinder side. one discussion led to a meltdown, where she went into the server AND my dm's to vent about how she shouldn't have hope, and how she doesn't want to like somebody heartless. i was genuinely concerned, because this behavior reminded me of how i acted when i was 14 regarding sans undertale. i wasn't aware of her age yet. it was only later, if my memory serves correctly, that after me begging to know her age, she told me she was 30. i'm 22.
i suddenly became very worried. not only for her, but for myself, and other server members.
i tried setting a boundary: i don't know you, don't treat me like a friend, and please don't vent to me. she apologized, clarified she was trying to be friendly, and that was that. until like, a month later, where she did the same thing. again. at some point, i gave up enforcing my boundaries, and dropped them entirely. i figured this was just something that came with running the pizza tower wiki discord. someone being incredibly parasocial with me when i've expressed i don't know them… eventually, i realized their venting in the wiki server's offtopic channel was making other users uncomfortable. i felt trapped, not knowing how to handle it. i knew she meant well, but i hated how she was using the server like a friend server. recently, i've started enforcing a soft rule of "please, don't vent in this server." i didn't want to make it a harsh rule, because sometimes topics led to discussion of past events that weren't exactly positive and i don't like restricting conversation topics. however, she often used the server as emotional support. the server has a lot of minors in it, some of which are active. a few of the active members are 16.
i want to stress, she is NOT predatory, pedophilic, what have you. she IS parasocial, clingy, and generally disrespectful of boundaries. two months ago, a friend of mine came into my dms to vent about a stranger being really clingy. i asked if this was gin, and as expected, it was her. my friend was busy when gin was messaging them, asking for feedback on a fic. however, when a response wasn't immediately given, she started freaking out. another friend of mine was recently commissioned by gin, and recognizing this, i asked them privately if gin was harassing them too. unfortunately, this was all but confirmed. the same thing that happened to my first friend happened beat-for-beat with them, too. the first friend asked if there was a way to hide their activity on tumblr, to which i obliged.
about a month ago, another artist, i'll call A, joined the wiki server. we had a discussion about our interpretations of the characters, including peppino, and i finally got the balls to outwardly say i felt like she often sanded down peppino's harsher qualities in favor of making him to be a sweetheart. i don't want to police how people interpret characters, but i want to be able to voice how i feel about it in a discussion surrounding it. this led to a meltdown in the server and my dms, the latter of which i never responded to. she deleted her message eventually. A stepped in within the server and said that the discussion was nothing personal, that it was just a disagreement. i went into A's dms to thank them, as i had felt so uncomfortable considering this wasn't the first time. that's when i learned that this isn't A's first experience with them, and over time, i learned much, much more.
she's done this to half of my friends in the pizza tower community. not only that, but she's done this to even MORE mutuals. even worse, she's done this in a previous pizza tower focused server, venting to people OVER A DECADE YOUNGER in dms, vagueposting in servers about situations, you name it. the wiki server has members who are active that are as young as 16, and i know she's treating them like this, too.
no matter how many times one would set the boundary, "please don't vent to me, please don't be overly friendly with me," it was violated. time and time again. if you set a boundary, she would say it's fine, but melt down in someone else's messages and violate theirs. not only that, but she'd SHARE messages of people enforcing this boundary. i've seen messages of people cutting her off, sharing VERY personal information, and it felt so violating to see. this isn't just my experience, but multiple others, too. i know at LEAST 12 people she's done this to. i know there's more because of the previously mentioned pizza tower focused server she got kicked out of for doing the same exact thing in.
it's common that if you're neurodivergent, you'll often disregard your own boundaries in favor of being kind to others. but let me tell you, from experience: taking care of yourself isn't being cruel or unkind. it's kind, to yourself. it's not selfish to want space. it's not selfish to not want to talk to someone. it's human. i've let my own boundaries be trampled too long.
please, take care of yourselves. do what you need to do.
#text#serious#pizza tower#i dont wanna do this but this has affected so many people#i dont want more victims
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Sleepwalker
Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Singer!Reader Warnings: Angst :) Song:
MasterList
Noah has been plaguing your dreams more frequently than usual. You turn over, groaning, and reach for your phone on the nightstand. After a minute of blindly slapping around, your fingers finally find it. You bring it to your face, squinting against the glow of the screen.
1:00 AM- Great.
With a sigh, you sit up and flick on the lamp. It’s been a month since you last talked to Noah, a month since the performance. Just like you told him you would, you stopped reaching out, stopped begging for his attention. No more answering his midnight calls and texts when he was looking for a hookup.
The silence should feel freeing. So why does he still haunt you?
Shaking off the thought, you quietly get up, grab your laptop from your desk, and climb back into bed. Lately, you’ve developed a habit: one you know isn’t healthy. Scrolling through tea blogs on Twitter, keeping up with Noah without actually talking to him.
It never ends well.
Every time you see a new picture of him- smiling, arm slung around a different girl- your chest tightens. Your heart cracks just a little more. A familiar, sinking weight settles in your stomach, anxiety creeping in like an old friend you wish would stop visiting.
“Fuck,” you whisper as you slam your laptop shut.
Of course, he’s still sleeping around. Why wouldn’t he be? You leaving wasn’t a loss to him; it never was. If anything, he was probably relieved, free of the weight of you hanging on, free to chase whatever temporary high he wanted. That’s all you ever were to him, wasn’t it? A quick fix. An ego boost. A warm body when it was convenient. Nothing more.
With hot tears trailing down your face, you push away from your bed, heading to your desk on instinct. Your hands tremble as you grab your favorite pen, the one that’s been with you through every heartbreak, every late-night revelation. The emotions clawing at your chest are too much to hold in, so you let them spill onto the page instead.
Feeling out of body and somehow I can't breathe…
As the words flow, the pain doesn’t disappear, but at least now, it has somewhere to go. You begin to feel lost in the process, letting the pain take over the writing. Your hand aches, but you don’t stop. The ink smears slightly where a stray tear lands, but you keep going, faster, as if outrunning the emotions clawing at your chest.
Been seeing myself in third person
Talking to the walls as if they would listen
To the shadow figure in my R.E.M
Are you a demon or a guardian?
Time passes by quickly, and before you know it, it’s 6 in the morning. The house starts to stir, and only then do you glance at the clock, blinking against the haze of exhaustion. Your fingers ache from gripping the pen too tightly, and your eyes burn from the lack of sleep, but the weight in your chest feels a little lighter.
Closing your eyes to give them a break, you take a deep breath, calming your ever-beating heart. The weight of the song begins to settle, but it still hangs heavy in your chest. After a minute of breathing, you finish the bridge of the song, your pen moving almost on its own, like a release of everything you’ve been holding in.
Counting black sheep until my eyes bleed
Silent when I scream
Can't stop from pulling out my own teeth
Counting black sheep until my eyes bleed
Silent when I'm choking on the dirt
Reaper fear me
There was a knock on the door, causing you to jump a little in surprise. Groaning, you get up from your desk, your legs stiff from sitting for so long. As you shuffle your way to the door, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. You wince slightly, taking in your reflection. Your hair is a messy bun that’s been there for three days, likely leaving knots in your curly strands. The dark circles under your eyes are more pronounced now, a painful reminder of the restless nights you’ve been enduring for the past month. You look nothing like the person you used to be.
You slowly crack the door open, squinting against the light. Sierra and Nico are standing there, looking at you with a mix of concern and curiosity. You raise an eyebrow, still groggy from the lack of sleep.
“What’s up?” you ask, trying to sound casual, but the exhaustion in your voice is unmistakable.
Sierra speaks up first, her voice bright and upbeat despite the early hour. "Come out with us," she says, giving you a hopeful smile. "We're trying to do a band hangout day, no work, just some fun."
Nico nodded behind her, his usual laid-back grin spreading across his face. "Yeah, you’ve been cooped up in here long enough. Plus, we could all use a break from the chaos."
You bite your bottom lip, thinking it over. All you really wanted to do was finish your song, but you knew your bandmates weren't going to take no for an answer. Sighing, you reluctantly agree.
"Okay... sure. When are we heading out?" you ask softly, your voice still tinged with the remnants of exhaustion.
Sierra’s smile widens, and she shoots Nico a playful look. "We were thinking now, actually," she says, clearly excited. "Get dressed, and we’ll give you thirty minutes."
Nico chuckles, already turning to head back toward the hallway. "You’ve got this; just don’t overthink it. We’ll be waiting."
You close the door and sigh, feeling the weight of your decision settle over you. You don’t want to go out, but you know there’s no backing out now. You shuffle back to your bed and sit on it for a moment, staring at your phone. The thought of checking Twitter crosses your mind, but you immediately shake it off. It would only make things worse.
Taking a deep breath, you get up and walk into your en suite bathroom. The hot water from the shower hits your skin, and for a moment, you let the steam and warmth clear your thoughts. It feels like a small moment of peace before you have to face the world again. You take your time, trying to let the shower wash away the doubts and frustrations that have been lingering for the past month.
After a scorching 15-minute shower, you step out, letting the steam wrap around you like a fading cocoon. You decide to put some effort into your appearance, hoping it might make you feel even better. After rummaging through your closet, you settle on a short black sundress paired with your favorite Mary Janes- something simple but enough to make you feel like yourself again.
You stand in front of the mirror and sigh, you’re still looking a little rough. After working your hair products through your curls, you shape them with careful hands, trying to tame their unruly nature. Your eyes drift to the dark circles beneath them, a visible reminder of the sleepless nights. With a resigned breath, you dab on some concealer to hide them. What starts as a quick fix turns into a full routine, and before you know it, you’re finishing off with your usual eyeliner, the familiar strokes bringing a small sense of normalcy.
The day went surprisingly well, you actually had fun with your friends. You and Sierra took a bunch of pictures together, laughing and posing in the moment. Later, she posted them all over her social media, flooding her feed with snapshots of the day. Almost instantly, hundreds of comments poured in, with people expressing relief at finally seeing pictures of you after a month of silence. Some even admitted they had been worried.
Sierra, always observant, caught something interesting: Noah had viewed her Instagram story. Smirking to herself, she had sneakily snapped a picture of you in a quiet moment, smelling a flower, and added it to her story. She waited just long enough to make sure he saw it before finally putting her phone away.
Everyone was gathered around, enjoying their ice cream, when Ryder was the first to break the silence.
“I heard some shuffling around last night around two in the morning. Are you okay, Lilith?” he asked, concern evident in his eyes. He knew you’d been having a hard month- hell, they all did.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just had a song idea stuck in my head, so I spent the night writing it out and jotting down notes on how I want the instrumental to sound.”
Everyone perked up, their interest piqued. It felt good to see them excited and happy that you were still finding inspiration.
“Would you mind showing us after this? We can head back to the house and check it out in the studio,” Zane suggested.
You smiled and nodded, excitement bubbling up inside you for the first time in a while. It always made you happy when your bandmates showed interest in your writing. Once you all finished your frozen treats, you headed back to the house together, the anticipation growing with each step.
When you all got to the house, everyone went their separate ways to grab what they needed before meeting in the basement studio. Back in your room, you decide to change into something more comfortable. Slipping into a pair of sweatpants, you rummaged through your sweatshirts- until your hands froze on something that made your heart ache.
Noah’s favorite hoodie.
Somehow, it had ended up mixed in with your clothes. You sighed, staring at it. He used to wear it all the time- so much so that fans would joke about it in the comments of photos and tweets. You took a deep breath, hesitating. Then, against your better judgment, you pulled it on. Just this once, you told yourself. Just this once, you’d let yourself slip into him again.
Grabbing your songbook, you head down to the basement, where the session goes better than you could have imagined. You sing the lyrics for the band, and together, you all work on shaping the instrumentals. You watch as everyone takes turns recording their parts, the boys tweaking the audio and splicing everything together seamlessly.
As Nico steps up to record his bassline, Sierra suddenly pulls you aside, her eyes twinkling with excitement.
"Let’s take a picture for the cover," she says, practically buzzing.
You hesitate, glancing down at yourself. "But… this is Noah’s sweatshirt. Everyone’s going to know that."
Sierra smirks, mischief written all over her face. "That’s the point, babe. Let’s get everyone talking."
You inhale deeply, nerves twisting in your stomach, but ultimately, you nod. Standing in front of the wall, you strike a few poses while Sierra snaps away. Once she’s satisfied, she scurries off to edit, already working on turning the photos into the perfect cover.
You return to the boys and find them huddled around the computer, deep in concentration.
"How's it going? When do you think it'll be done?" you ask, leaning in slightly.
Zane looks up with a small smile. "In about two hours. Are you thinking of posting it tonight?"
You hesitate for only a moment before nodding. You want it out as soon as possible.
Zane gives you a thumbs-up before turning back to work, and with excitement bubbling in your chest, you head up to your bedroom. Sitting on your bed, you take a deep breath. Usually, the band spends weeks building up hype for a release, teasing snippets, and carefully planning promos. But this time feels different. This one is personal.
You know you won’t feel any relief until the song is out. So, without overthinking, you grab your phone and, for the first time in a month, post on all your social media:
Midnight release.
Almost instantly, your phone starts blowing up with notifications; likes, comments, and reposts flooding in. Fans are thrilled, their excitement pouring through the screen in all caps and exclamation points.
@bandlover99: "OMG THEY’RE BACK. MIDNIGHT CAN’T COME FAST ENOUGH!!! 😭🔥" @altmusicjunkie: "No warning, no promo, just pure chaos. I LOVE THIS BAND." @sleepwalkersupremacy: "Best surprise of the year!! We are SO ready!!" @punkprincess27: "WHY DO YOU GUYS ALWAYS DROP BANGERS OUT OF NOWHERE?? WE NEED TO PREPARE!! 😭😭"
As you scroll through the comments, a small smirk tugs at your lips. The buzz is already insane, and the song hasn’t even dropped yet. A couple of hours went by, and Sierra stopped by to show you her finished work on the single cover. You loved it, the colors, the vibe; it perfectly matched the energy of the song. She emailed it to you as an attachment, grinning as she left.
The boys were also done with their work on the song and emailed it to you, giving you one last chance to listen before it went live. You clicked the link, your heart was racing as the sound washed over you. It was everything you had envisioned and more. The mix was perfect, the energy undeniable.
Everything was finally in place, and all you needed to do now was wait…
Feeling a bit stir crazy, you decide to go for a walk in the woods behind your house, wanting to let nature heal you and breathe in the fresh air. You pull your hoodie tighter around you as the cool evening air brushes against your skin. The woods were peaceful, almost like they were waiting for you to come back to them. You don’t even realize how long you’ve been out there until the sun has dipped, and the shadows are stretching long. The music in your ears fades into the background as you lose yourself in your thoughts- your song, your band, the aftermath of all the recent changes.
After walking for hours, you come back to reality when the familiar sight of your house appears through the trees. The walk didn’t make everything go away, but the quiet gave you space to breathe and think without any distractions. Maybe you didn’t have all the answers, but at least now, you felt a bit lighter. The world had kept spinning while you were out, and now, all you could do was wait for what was to come next.
Hours passed, and you lost track of time as you walked through the woods, letting the fresh air clear your mind. By the time you returned home, it was 9 PM. The excitement and nerves had settled, but the anticipation still lingered in the air.
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You find yourself sitting at your desk, staring at the clock. 11:58- Two minutes before the song drops. Nerves begin to settle in, but you know it's going to be good. You bite your lip, tapping your fingers against the desk in rhythm with your racing heartbeat. A rush of excitement floods through you, but there's a nervousness too, the kind that always comes before something big. This is it. No more second-guessing. It’s out of your hands now.
With a deep breath, you post the song.
Quietly, you wait to see the responses. Your phone buzzes almost immediately. You glance at it, your heart skipping a beat as the first few comments pop up. The anticipation is overwhelming, but you can’t help the smile that tugs at your lips as the notifications flood in. Every like and every comment feels like a weight lifted off your shoulders. It’s out there now. It’s real.
As the notifications roll in, you keep glancing at the comments, trying to keep your focus, but then something catches your eye. One of the fans has commented:
@rockinlilith: “Wait… is that Noah’s hoodie?”
You freeze, a lump forming in your throat. The sweatshirt. You’d hoped no one would notice, but it’s obvious now. The fans are talking about it, piecing it together. They’re quick; they always are. A small, bittersweet smile pulls at your lips as you read more comments.
@fiery_phoenix: "This song is so fire! But wait, is that Noah’s hoodie Lilith is wearing? 🤔" @stormchaser123: "Anyone else notice the hoodie? Pretty sure it’s Noah’s. Is there a deeper meaning behind that? 😱" @midnightmuse: "The song is absolutely amazing, but I gotta know… is that Noah’s hoodie? I’m getting some major mixed signals here. 👀" @punk_heart97: "This track is a vibe! But Lilith, are we seeing a little nod to Noah with the hoodie? 🤨" @starstruck_gurl: "You can feel the emotion in this track! And, uh, is that Noah’s hoodie? Spilling some tea here or what? 😏"
You were slightly amused by all the comments, happy that people recognized his sweatshirt. Maybe now Noah would feel a little shitty for all the times he took you for granted. You couldn’t help but feel a small sense of satisfaction seeing the internet buzz with questions about it. Maybe it was petty, but it felt good to know that you were finally taking some control, even if just a little.
Surprised, you see that Matt left a comment on your post as well.
@mattxdierkes: "Not bad, not bad at all. Props to you guys. This has got some serious energy."
You freeze for a moment, unsure how to gauge the comment. Matt, along with the other guys, has always been cool with you, but you also know they’ll always have Noah’s back.
As you're scrolling through the flood of comments, your phone buzzes. Expecting another notification about the song, you glance down and freeze.
Nicholas 🦊
Your fingers hover over the screen before you finally open the message.
Nicholas 🦊: Hey, Lil. The song’s incredible. You really put your heart into this one.
You bite your lip, unsure how to respond. Nicholas had always been the calm one, the mediator, the one who never picked sides outright. He and Noah are practically brothers, but he never treated you like an outsider. Before you can reply, another message pops up.
Nicholas 🦊: Saw the cover, too.
Your heart skips. He doesn’t say anything more. No teasing, no prying, just… acknowledgment. A quiet understanding between the lines.
Your thumbs hover over the keyboard before you finally type a response.
You: I'm Glad you liked the song. Hope you’re doing well.
A few seconds pass before Nicholas replies.
Nicholas 🦊: Yeah, I’m good. Busy, as always. Hope you’re doing okay, too.
You stare at the screen, debating for a moment before typing again.
You: Did he see it?
This time, Nicholas takes longer to respond. The little typing bubble appears, disappears, and then reappears. Finally, his message comes through.
Nicholas 🦊: Yeah.
Just one word, but it feels heavier than it should.
Nicholas 🦊: Didn’t say much. Just closed his phone and left the room.
Your heart clenches. Of course, Noah wouldn’t give anyone the satisfaction of a reaction. That wasn’t his style. But something about the fact that he left the room instead of brushing it off entirely… it makes your stomach twist.
You: Oh
Nicholas takes a moment before replying again.
Nicholas 🦊: Yeah...
You stare at the message, unsure how to feel. There’s a weight sitting in your chest, pressing down in a way you hate to admit. You weren’t expecting Noah to suddenly come running back, but a part of you wonders what’s going through his head right now.
Nicholas 🦊: Look, I don’t know what’s going on between you two, and I’m not trying to get in the middle of it. But… I think he listened to it.
Your breath catches.
You: Did he say anything?
Nicholas 🦊: No. But I could tell. He just… sat there for a while. Didn’t even touch his guitar, which is weird for him.
Your fingers hover over the keyboard, your heart hammering as you struggle to find the right words. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll finally listen. Maybe he’ll understand how all of this has been tearing you apart. Maybe he’ll see the errors of his ways, stop running from his feelings, and take life, take you, seriously.
You: Well...I hope he will finally take things seriously, then. Nicholas 🦊: You know I don’t want to get in the middle of anything, but... maybe he’s not as okay as he’s pretending to be.
Your heart skips a beat as you read the message, a mix of emotions swirling inside you. Instead of replying, you set your phone on the nightstand, not trusting yourself to say the right thing. Instead, you distract yourself by scrolling through more comments, letting the noise of the internet drown out your thoughts.
Suddenly, your phone lights up, and a special ringtone starts to play. Noah is calling. Your heart races at the sight of his name flashing across the screen. The sound of the ringtone feels like it’s echoing in your ears, loud and sharp against the quiet of your room. You hesitate, fingers hovering over the screen, unsure if you should answer. Every part of you wants to ignore it, to continue pretending he doesn’t exist in your world anymore. But then again, a part of you can’t help but wonder... maybe this time, it will be different.
With a shaky breath, you swipe to answer.
“H-hello?” you ask quietly.
There’s a long, unsettling silence on the other end. You almost think he’s hung up.
“Hey…how are you?” His voice sounds softer than you remember, tentative, like he’s unsure how to approach you.
You swallow hard, the knot in your throat growing tighter.
“I’m… I’m fine,” you say, but even you can hear the lie in your voice.
Another pause. You can hear him shifting on the other end, like he’s trying to find the right words.
“I saw the song,” he says, his tone low, almost hesitant. “It’s good. Really good.”
You feel a cold chill run through you at the mention of the song. His words are like daggers, but not in the way you expect.
“Thank you. You’d be impressed. I wrote it last night and was able to get it all done and ready by the release.”
You can almost hear the pause on his end, like he’s trying to process your words.
“That’s… that’s impressive,” he responds slowly, but you can tell there’s something more behind his tone. “I didn’t expect you to drop something like that. It’s… powerful.”
His words should feel like they’re supposed to be a compliment, but they fall flat. His praise feels distant, and that familiar knot in your stomach tightens again.
“Yeah,” you say, your voice quieter now. “I needed to get it out.”
You glance at your phone, wondering if it would have been better to just let the silence linger. But then his next words come, and they hit harder than you expected.
“You know, I’ve been thinking about everything… about us. About how I messed up.”
“If that’s the case... Why are there so many pictures of you with random girls?”
The question hangs in the air like a weight between you two. His silence on the other end stretches long, almost unbearable, before he speaks again.
“I- look, I don’t know what you want me to say. It’s not like that,” Noah says, his voice strained. “You know I care about you, right?”
But it doesn’t sound convincing, and your frustration bubbles to the surface.
Noah’s breath catches on the other end, and for a moment, you wonder if he's going to hang up. Instead, he sighs heavily.
“I fucked up, okay? I know that,” he admits, his voice quieter now. “But this... I don’t know how to make it right with you. Every time I try, I screw it up worse.”
You want to respond, but the words seem to get stuck in your throat. You’re angry, hurt, confused- a whole mess of emotions you’ve been holding in for far too long.
“Why should I believe anything you say now?” you ask, your voice trembling with a mix of frustration and exhaustion. “You’ve hurt me too many times, Noah.”
“I know, and I’m sorry,” he says, his voice cracking.
You can hear the emotion in Noah’s voice, and it almost makes you want to soften. But then you remember everything, all the times he’s let you down, all the moments you’d hoped he would show up for you and didn’t.
“You’re sorry?” you repeat, your voice tight. “Sorry doesn’t fix everything, Noah. You can’t just say that and expect everything to be okay.”
There’s a long pause on the other end, and when he finally speaks, his voice is raw, almost pleading. “I know. I don’t expect it to be okay. But I need you to know... I’m trying. I really am. I just don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to fix myself... but I’m trying.”
The silence that follows feels heavier than before. Your heart aches, but you’re not sure if it’s because of him or the realization that you’ve been carrying this pain alone for so long.
“What do you want from me, Noah?” you whisper, barely able to keep the words from breaking.
“I…just please don’t hate me. That’s all I ask,” he says quietly.
You let out a shaky breath, the weight of everything you've been holding onto crashing down. The anger, the hurt, the betrayal; it all mingles with something else, something softer, something you don’t want to admit.
"I don't hate you, Noah," you say, your voice trembling, though you keep it steady. "I could never hate you. But I don't know how to just forget everything. It’s not that simple for me."
There’s a silence on the other end, the kind that feels heavy, like he's waiting for something more, something else you haven't said. You swallow hard, trying to find the right words.
"I care about you, Noah. I always have. But I need to be sure that when you say you're sorry, it means something. Not just words but actions. You know?"
You both sit in silence for a moment before he speaks again.
“I know,” he says quietly, his voice almost a whisper. “I’ve screwed up. I get it. I just… I don’t know how to make it right. I’ve been trying to figure that out, but I don’t know if you’ll ever be able to forgive me for what I’ve done.”
You bite your lip, the pain of his words sinking deep. It’s not easy hearing him admit it, but at least he’s not running from the truth anymore.
“I don’t know if I can forgive you right now,” you reply softly. “But I’m not saying it’s impossible. I just… need time.”
“I’ll give you all the time you need,” he promises. You can hear the sincerity in his voice, a vulnerability you hadn’t heard from him in a long time.
“Thank you, Noah…” you murmur.
“You don’t have to thank me,” he replies, his voice tinged with relief. “I should be the one thanking you for even listening. I just... I want to prove to you that I can be better. I know I haven’t shown you that, but I want to try.”
You let out a small, quiet breath, feeling a weight lift from your chest, though the hurt still lingers.
“I just don’t want to be disappointed again. I can’t keep doing this.”
“I get it,” he says quickly, his tone earnest. “I won’t make promises I can’t keep. Just... let me show you, in whatever way I can.”
You pause for a moment, thinking about everything that’s been said, the rawness of the conversation.
“Okay. We’ll see.”
With that, you hang up the phone and begin getting ready for bed. As you brush your teeth, his words echo in your mind, lingering longer than you’d like. You miss Noah more than you care to admit, but how many times can you go back before it becomes a mistake, before it feels like you’re the foolish one? How much more can you let yourself hope for change? After finishing your routine, you turn off the lights and crawl into bed, the weight of everything heavy on your chest. You close your eyes, trying to push aside the thoughts that linger, hoping your dreams will take you to a different reality, a place where things were simpler and the pain wasn’t so sharp.
#bad omens#bad omens band#noah sebastian#noah sebastian davis#bad omens cult#bad omens fic#noah sebastian fanfiction#bad omens fanfiction#fanfic#noah sebastian x reader#badomenscult#bad omens x reader#badomens#noah bad omens#noah sebastian bad omens#noahsebastian#noah sebastian fic
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Too Close!
A Sanji one shot I thought was cute.
WC: 1.17k
Parings: youxsanji
tags: cooking?, comfort, cute,injury,might be ooc
a/n: i get injured/weak..a lot. I often feel like a burden since so many people have to re-accommodate me. So..I guess take it from my perspective, this is how I feel. Last real post before Japan yahoo.!
When it came to Vinsmoke Sanji, you didn’t know how much of a fragile man he is. After finding out, it drew you closer to him. For so long, he kept you stable, a reminder that there’s a window to open, and he would be the sun. Always pampering you and the crew, but always kept his gaze lingering, and you seemed to have matched that too; because every time you meet his eyes, you give him a small smile, while he turns red, his eyes practically becoming hearts.
After a while, you both were more adventurous than before when it came with each other. A giggle here, a laugh there, a brush of hair away from your face and his. It was starting to become more common between the two of you to stay close together. You started washing the dishes after him, and he tried to teach you how to cook. In which you burned your fingers by placing them too close to the torch when you were trying to flambé something.
“Fuck! Im sorry..” you muttered, placing the finger which was most in pain by your mouth, basically sucking the burn, as if the irritation would go away, but at most, all it did was give you a sense of temporary relief. Sanji took your hand and kissed your finger. “Mon Soleil, it happens. I’ll finish up here. Go to Chopper and I’ll meet you in your quarters to check on you.” Your face turned red and you were giggling— until you realized where you were and this wasn’t a daydream. Then your face, fully red in embarrassment now, gave him a hesitant ‘thank you’ before dashing out of the kitchen, trying to catch your breath from that moment.
Too Close..! Too close! Too-
..Close. A hand holds your shoulder, and by the sleeve, you recognize who it is: Sanji. Too close. But not in a way to not be friends..
..right?
“You okay? You seemed a bit..off in there. I told you to go to Chopper damnit! Not just stand outside the kitchen doors!” He gritted his teeth between his phrases, trying to hold himself back from shaking you back and forth to remind you to get a grip on yourself.
You give off a soft chuckle, in awe of his care and concern for you.
Maybe we can be this close, as friends.
After a good scolding from Sanji reminding you to be careful in the kitchen, Chopper's initial shock from your injury, you were in your quarters, your hand feeling a bit better, your fingers throbbing still. Chopper bandaged your middle and ring finger together, making it a bit harder to move the two fingers on your left hand. You sit on the edge of your bed, and lay your back against the mattress, your legs still hanging on the edge. You were a good wildcard for the Straw Hats, having helped Nami draw a map, and Franky with some repairs. But this injury would have you out of service for a few days, since most of your handiwork on the ship required both hands.
If only I didn’t fuck up that flambé, maybe I wouldn’t be so useless right now.
You sighed and stared at your ceiling, thinking about how you could still stay valuable to these pirates, who allowed you to be here, to be free. Maybe you could practice your switchblade? After all, you fight with that small thing, and you’re often well off just with that.
No, I’d just hurt my hands more..
Cooking?
I can’t hold the pan right now, I burnt myself today.
Drawing?
My left hand can’t handle the pressure of holding something down.
Reading?
I can’t hold the book.
You groan in frustration, feeling tears form.
Why am I so damn useless right now?!
You get up and place your hand on your counter to carry you up. Your left hand. The sensitive skin behind the bandages react to the sudden pressure and in return you feel the pain burning your fingers again. You hate sitting on your ass, watching everyone work hard while you couldn’t do anything but just that. Watch. Watch how they carry their weight while you have to be put on rest. Watch them sweat while you rest. Watch them laugh. It hurt, knowing that you were on the sides for now. Those thoughts finally broke you, sending tears to your eyes. Trying to hold back a sob, you bite your lip and take deep breath through your nose. You give in to the sadness and start crying, letting it all out, whimpering and sounding like a small child. You move into your bed, away from your table, curling yourself in, leaving your injured arm out, while your other arm wraps around you.
“Am..I, really..that..useless?..” You whisper to yourself, in between sniffles. You felt your other arm wrap around yo— Wait. Your injured arm is still out. You look up and see a blonde man, hair covering one side of his face, only showing one of his big beautiful blue eyes and his curly eyebrows. Sanji.
“No, you aren’t.” He said, rubbing your side while he sat on the edge of your bed. “Trust me, you’re amazing. More than anyone would know. More than we let on, actually.” He ended with a chuckle, feeling his genuine heart echoing from him. He laid his back on the bed, his legs on the edge, as if he were still sitting. “I think I’m probably the biggest burden here, if we’re being honest.” He added.
You try to recuperate your voice back , but all that comes out are hesitant, shaking words. “What makes you say that? You’ve benefited me in many ways.”
He smiles softly, before slowly turning his demeanor to a solemn one. “I'm glad. At least you think I can help.”
Your face stiffens up, and forms a concerned look. “I'm serious. You mean..a lot to me.” You gulp down the anxiety and tension, preparing yourself for anything that would come after that. “A lot more than I thought.”
He looks up at you, his face melting slowly once again, his eyes already swollen with a quivering lip. “You..mean it?.”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
With that, he crashed into your shoulder, pulling you into a hug tight and close.
“Then we can mean a lot to each other.” He cupped your face, and pressed your forehead against his, before pulling your lips into his. It wasn’t rough, it wasn’t careless, but a promise. A promise to both of you, to be enough not for everyone, but for the only other people that mattered in the world at that moment: eachother.
You were right. This isn’t too close. This is perfect.
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OP your headcanon about Edgeworth intentionally growing his front bangs out to hide his ears when they blush is EXTREMELY adorable. immaculate. Do you have any other headcanons you’d like to share?
Have a good day.
Yesss OMG hIIIII! im so glad you asked anon!!!! I’VE WANTED TO TALK ABOUT THEM FOR SOOO LONG
HC list because I’m crazy (i apologise that they’re pretty much all about the same topic)
(Healthy and working) Wrightworth is only possible during and after SOJ just because both are at the place in their life and mental journey where they'd be able to form an actual working romantic relationship.
Wright didn't realize that his feelings for Edgeworth were romantic for a pretty long time (I'd say for about aa2-aa3 time). He knew he loved him, sure, but he loves and cares for Maya and Pearls too, Larry to an extent too. He both didn't bother and didn't care hard enough to look deeper into that feeling, he knew he cared about him and that was basically it. Phoenix is “I'm probably bi, but I have a job so idrc about it rn” in my book. And his feelings did start to fade after awhile. ((before of course getting reignited again))
Hot take: I dooon't think Miles is ace/autistic. I just think he is THAT dense. Or maybe has some form of personality disorder. His favorite pastime is yearning. (Please Investigations and him mentioning Wright any chance he gets… “everything reminds me of him”)
Missile is alive and well, retired and lives with Gumshoe during SOJ and beyond. Otherwise I'm hurting everyone and myself.
Maya wrote steel samurai fanfiction during aa trilogy, and since she has a limited circle of male friends a lot of mannerisms for Steel Samurai she took from Nick. Miles, not knowing the author deeply enjoyed those fics and would genuinely start tweaking out anytime Phoenix did something that alined with Steel Samurai’s quirks, thinking that SOMEHOW Phoenix knew abt those fics and purposely tried to tease him about it. Nick, in fact, did not know anything.
Iris was just as crazy and incredibly supportive of Phoenix’s idea to study law, hoping he would be able to save his friend from going down the wrong path, like she could never stop her sister.
Trucy has crippling separation anxiety. She was so afraid when the whole office decided to go to Khura'in thinking she would be left behind again, this time for good. She was DEVASTATED.
^ To add to this, Edgeworth knew she came along and agreed to basically play along, thinking that trial shouldn't be THAT bad. The second guards entered and held Apollo and Phoenix at gunpoint, he held her close and covered her eyes.
Existential crisis for Edgeworth since he's now the age at which his father died. His nightmares resurface again but now in a different form, where he's not too comfortable spending time in elevators with a certain defence attorney and his kid.
During his lowest disbarment moments, after trials that Miles invited him to assist on, Wright would throw out “I don't have any enemies on the prosecution side and I take stairs” anytime Edgeworth would ask him NOT to bring Trucy to court.
Similar thing with Maya realising she’s outgrown her big sister.
Pearl actually picks up a job at Shipshape Aquarium as a trainer. I really like the idea of her being pretty good, although she almost never does shows because she's uncomfortable with theatrical and performing in that way, but she's great as a side trainer.
Athena and Trucy taught Pearl how to put makeup on, since Maya doesn't use it much. Sahsa taught all three some performance makeup (Which Trucy was SO thankful for, since she had to learn everything by herself.. mostly. )
Maggey and Gumshoe are surprisingly good with kids and at first two months they would babysit Trucy while Wright recuperated, they're the best audience, assistants, participants and hecklers Trucy could ask for.
Initially Phoenix wanted to ghost mostly everyone, but could never do it. (he did jokingly ask Edgeworth for “a little advice” on how to, Miles did not take it kindly.)
Edgeworth has stupid habit of lightly tapping on his lips with a pen or a pencil whenever he’s thinking. Realised how weird it is when Phoenix lent him his magatama.
After getting shot and getting visited by Wright, Franziska couldn’t stop crying after she was all alone. To think that a person she thought was her rival and basically an enemy that wouldn’t show her mercy and any pity thrown her way would be an insult - came in with genuine worry and empathy kinda destroyed her. She even felt bad making fun of his visit, not that she’d ever admit it.
She's also eighteen. Of course she cried when everyone left.
Wright had to step aside when they discovered the contents of Inga’s safe besides the notepad. Held his locket extra tight.
Apollo counts EVERY of his honorary siblings as part of the family (that includes Rayfa and Tobaye). Which makes Wright a proud father of a goddamn football team (Trucy, Pearls, Athena, Apollo, Rayfa, Nahyuta, Ema, Tobaye… and that’s not counting Kay and Eustace)
Edgeworth still struggles with turbulence, after SOJ cutscene Phoenix resitted himself next to Miles, closing the window blinds, as to not to spook himself out. It was done both for moral support of Edgeworth and in case he passed out, Phoenix would catch Trucy.
There was a moment in time where Wright REALLY wanted to blame Trucy for what happend, but he couldn’t. ((maybe like the first few days, just to make things more convoluted))
Phoenix doesn’t trust people with his medicine or drinks. He can only take bottled drinks or the ones that were prepared right in front of him.
Pearl looks a lot like her mother. If not for the hair.
Trucy and Pearl got their ears pierced together. Maya gifted Pearl Mia's earrings and helped Phoenix pick a pair for Trucy.
NEVER put Datz and Butz at the same place at the same time. And never dare to even THINK of leaving them alone together.
No amount of convincing will make me believe that either Wright or Edgeworth work out. These bitches have the most average build possible.
Kay works as a private investigator on the side, letting the wind take her wherever the truth needs to be found and stolen.
The “honorary” children of Edgeworth and Wright + Maya have a groupchat, where they mostly just make fun of those two and share the latest wrightworth news (when those two FINALLY started making moves). They often kick Trucy out of the chat though, because she tends to react to messages out loud. Loud enough to compete with the cords of steel. Especially often the season of kicking and reinviting starts when they're spying on these two.
Phoenix wears his beanie over eyebrows because they're one of his telltale signs.
If Klavier annoys Apollo enough and stands close enough, he gets poked in the stomach.
Apollo gets a small dragon pendant in memory of Dhurke. Tries picking up guitar lessons (Klavier likes to tease him about it, but at the same time is really supportive when needed). Klavier enjoys joking about how he's already met future mother in law (they're not even dating 😭)
Eustace is a pretty successful prosecutor with a clean record (similar to Payne, who I genuinely like, so it's a compliment). Witnesses genuinely adore him and working with him. Pretty ruthless when it comes to finding the truth though. Still aloof, especially outside of the courtroom, he leaves all of his brain cells there.
During Khura'in investigations Phoenix was deliberately more touchy and clingy with Edgeworth, exclusively to annoy him after that whole "don't tell me you missed me, Edgeworth" and Miles claiming he mellowed down through the years. He doesn't seem too bothered by this however.
Self indulgent, but since neither of them button up their suits anymore, hands go right under them :p
The idiot trio aka Larry, Miles and Phoenix share some mannerisms, they probably don't even notice the similarities, until Gumshoe or Maya point it out.
Bobby's family misses him.
not a headcanon, but i cry everytime i think about Feys. So imagine aa 3-5 with “come” by Adrianne Lenker and class of 2013 with the Fey daughters in general and just cry with me
I'm also filled by PixelPartners playthrough specifically, so the dynamics mostly inspired by their takes.
And here's an excuse to post bad doodles from random times about these hcs. Have a nice day!!!





























#narumitsu#wrightworth#phoenix wright#miles edgeworth#franziska von karma#apollo justice#klavier gavin#maya fey#pearl fey#trucy wright#iris hawthorne#larry butz#bobby fulbright#detective gumshoe#maggey byrde#ace attorney trilogy#ace attorney spirit of justice#kay faraday#eustace winner#klapollo#ace attorney#thaaaanks anon!!!! I LOVE talking#iris is celibate is still one of my favorite joke hc#phoenix almost done goofed#although he’d be glad it didnt work out with iris since morgan wont be his in law (yaay)#although technically it’d be bikini which isnt as bad i suppose#i left out so many things tbh but this is long enough#plus the numbers got messed up (and half of my tags deleted too)#sooo many characters to tag#honestly i love the whole cast like im not joking (genuinely like winston payne cmon)
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i love taking my time. i love working slowly. i love creating things at my own pace
#something something i won’t over think my consistency on my sims four blog#i will i post when i am ready. it is not my job#because why do i stress about not posting quick or often enough. gah thats so silly ….#we’re all just here to have fun. i don’t need to worry about anything else other than having fun w this blog#anyway. say it with me. i love taking my time. i love working slowly. i love creating things at my own pace 🧘#this is me reminding not only myself but YOU too my friend!#all that being said i am working on things between life beating my ass. mwah 🫡
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I hope everyone whos walked behind me today has acknowledged the fact ive just been staring at rivals magneto for the past hour
#snap chats#new title at school ‘guy with the kirby geadphones and nice outfits and looks at pictures of magneto and professor x all day’#a friend invaded my Magneto Staring timr and assaulted my ears she was SO MEAN TO ME TODAY#she always mean to me tbh ….. she thinks im a weirdo for being an introvert like girl i cannot physically make you understand my brain#i asked the universe to be nice to me today and instead i get called an unlovable cat that’ll get returned to the shelter after a day OK#ALSO I TOLD HER I WAS 23 NEXT MONTH AND SHE SAID TWINK DEATH?????#THATS NOT. i was so appalled. what is she talking about im not ……. ok……….#had to delicately remind her she’ll be 23 soon too like Girl 💀💀💀💀💀#and then i told her i wad filipino and she was like ‘oh are you onea those whove never been to your home country’#ok well Miss Ma’am i regret to inform you the us of a IS my home country#its so lame tho cause all my sibs got to go to the philippines before i was born 😭😭😭😭 this family HATES ME#‘like idk just the way you talk….’ we TALK THE SAME. YOU AND I ARE ON THE EAST COAST /WHAT/#‘snap was this just an excuse to rant’ NO. i jus wanted to say i wanna play rivals ……. also eriks very handsome in that game….#but like we know that i can only repeat myself so many times …#anyway ima finish this fuckass lunch so i can actually finish my shit so i can MAYBE. look at magneto in-game BYE
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.
#brooo how do you join small fandoms that operate as established friend groups as a newcomer I've only been on the “establishing” end 😭#like toku//twt is so hostile save for certain mutual circles idk how to integrate myself anywhere#doesn't help that I've had no energy for drawing lately to maybe get ppl to interact first#maybe I should try do smth for the next gavv episode...#I would like to just talk to ppl directly but I've only watched 2 seasons and am shy. plus there's so many random rude ppl#that many accs limit replies anyway. fuck my stupid Baka life#I crave... human connection XO *dies of embarrassment*#I'll just try posting more w keywords for now#I don't wanna start too many new kr seasons if I can't discuss them w ppl while doing so cause the excitement is too much to be alone w#in the meantime I might pick up android kikaider after finishing w tho so I have smth to do#plus I've been meaning to get into showa era toku anyway that was like... the whole point originally#man this reminds me of how I need to interact w spg more too. I have so many cool spg moots I'm in a limbo between coexisting and wanting t#befriend#aauadhkf the mortifying ideal of being knownnn#psii.txt
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this is my little girl 💖



she’s running low on time with us, and my dad has been saying things along the lines of ‘this is why I don’t like pets’, because he finds the grieving process so hard.
I don’t fault him for that, he just feels loss deeply and deals with it differently.
sometimes I even find myself falling briefly into the same thinking. ‘what if making a different choice all those years ago saved me and my family from this grief and this pain?’
but I also know there’s no way I would make a different decision. no amount of grief could outweigh the joy she’s brought us over these last fifteen years. the laughter, the comfort, the connection.
I think about hikes with my dad when she was tiny and able bodied and would race up ahead of us on the trails and then race back to check on us. I think about the first time she saw snow and she instantly turned into a tiny fluffy bunny rabbit, hopping through drifts that were ankle deep for us but nearly buried her, and the matted snowballs she came away with, looking like a tiny curly haired yeti.
I think of her interrupting GrammE and John’s wedding along with Sagie, confusion turning into laughter as they sped after each other across the backyard ceremony. I think of my mom, lonely on the island and isolated during covid, telling me that Ginger was her saving grace.
and these don’t even scratch the surface. fifteen years of love she’s given us.
so yeah. losing her is going to damn near break me and I know that. but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
#you don’t have to read the post I just want people to look at my baby#if you have non-human family members give them a little extra love#I’m trying so hard to remind myself that not only have these last fifteen years been a gift#but these last six months or so have been a straight up miracle#I love her so much#I worry about how my mom is going to cope with her loss#she’s my best friend but she’s lived with my mom since my mom moved out#and so she’s been a daily companion to her and part of all of her routines#on one hand I’m relieved because caring for a dog especially an aging and disabled one#is a lot of work and my mom herself is already disabled and needs additional help#(and sometimes that resulted in me worrying that both of them weren’t getting proper care for their health)#but on the other hand I do think Ginge had been the biggest part of combating loneliness for my mom#especially after losing Tan#anyway I’m uh maybe crying too much to type now so I’m gonna call it#but I might post more photos of my little old lady baby over the next few days#because I love her and I think other people should too lol#personal#tw pet death#tw pet loss#(she’s not gone yet to be clear but I’m tagging these for other people’s sake bc I know it’s upsetting)#(she’s in the final days/weeks of kidney failure just in case anyone is wondering why I’m making assumptions about her passing)#toy poodle#poodle#pet#dog#puppy
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they call me the griever because halfway through a thing I enjoy I’m already sad that it’s closer to being over
#blue chatter#trying to work on not doing this#and just enjoying the thing in the moment#this happens to me a lot with school breaks and such#like ‘oh I love being on spring break but I’m sad bc I’m already 3 days in’#‘oh I love summer vacation so far it’s too bad it’s already a month over’#and I’m like NO!!!!! blue!!!!!!!! you’re missing the point!!!!!!!!#you have the joy *right now* and you are SPOILING IT bc you’re too busy looking ahead to when it will be gone!!!!!!!!!#it happens with friend visits a lot. it’s less bad now but it still happens.#like. the first time I visited friends over spring break I woke up in the early morning of the last morning and just cried#because I only had a few hours left before I had to get on the plane home#and I start hurriedly stuffing seconds and minutes into my mouth and refusing to swallow#because maybe if I just cling extra hard then the time won’t pass-#but it does pass. and that’s okay. and I know that’s okay because life had more joyful things after that moment#had I stayed there on that day I would have been frozen as a much more miserable person#my friends themselves would have been very different people#I mean. fuck. between then and now two of us figured out our genders. both of them got married. they moved somewhere else now.#there’s a lot of little joys that got left behind there. a church they loved. a local park. mountains and windy streets.#but I wouldn’t hold ourselves there. which I try to remind myself when I start crying about lost time again#because yeah. this will end someday. human lifespans aren’t infinite.#but the future is full of life I still have to live. there’s no saying that I can’t have good things again.#and this period of my life is rapidly rushing towards a much more uncertain future and I know that and it’s scary#I know I have about 11 months to make several very adult decisions that will determine a lot of my future#but no matter what I choose this period of my life is not wasted#and I don’t need to hurriedly optimize every second and mourn losing them#and I know that. and I still feel sad and mourny. but that might be more indicative that I’m hungry or smth.
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dating an art student was so crazy I'm just thinking abt that one birthday I had where my ex got me stickers from the etsy of the person they were cheating on me with....
#they made them address the thank you note to me and everything ajskfjfkfb. i didnt know they were cheating at the time but wow...#every time i break out my sticker collection and see them im reminded of it. but i cant throw out the stickers theyre deltarune ones 😭#like they were a rly cool artist.... just unfortunate that happened 💀#the drama was insane. my ex only wanted to sleep with them but they (other person) wanted them to break up with me so they could date#but my ex dumped them rly harshly for suggesting that i guess 'romantic' cheating was a step too far even for them lmaooo#i heard abt their breakup secondhand and god could they be cruel sometimes. they made fun of the sex theyd had w them#to all their mutual friends n everything i actually felt so bad for the other person when i found out. at least our breakup wasnt that bad#i only finally got that cruel side of them directed towards me like a year after when they wanted us to stop being friends#but yeah. its also funny in a way bc my ex only suggested i had adhd bc the other person did too + struggled a lot with rsd#which i guess they found out when they broke up with them. and then looked at that and thought huh my gf is kind of similar...#and this was like. 2 years before i even considered i had adhd myself and sought diagnosis ahdkfidjcjdjfjfjfkdbfnf#this made me go look the other persons art page up on instagram + then i recognised some of their friends/flatmates art pages and i found#their (my exs that is) grad year film which is still being shown at animation festivals... good for them good for them#i dont think they have an art page themselves tho cuz they were always v shy and weird abt sharing art on social media#like everyone else except them is tagged on things... shame i wouldve liked to see what they were making now. even if we're not friends#also one of their old roommates made some REALLY similar squid game fanart to mine like a month after i posted it huh..#not mad abt it or anything i think its cool i just didnt realise they showed my art to their friends. thats cute#ah this was years ago anyway. getting my head out of the rabbit hole#im gonna go play some elden ring and then maybe do smth fun in my sketchbook we shall seeee#.diaries
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HI TUMBLRR it’s me
#I ate ramen just now it was soooo god I think ramen is just it just is better after 10pm#im right#ughhh ok that actually reminded me earlier my classmate was making an Asian people eat dogs joke like he put on this awful accent and he wa#all like ‘dog tastes so good with rice’ and then he did other stuff too#but what really made me upset is that someone who I thought was my friend found it really humorous! wow okay!#I know it’s not really a big deal but im still kind of sad like I’ve lost all my respect for you now#anddd they were my only friend in the class so now I’m stuck there for the rest of the semester I guess . I mean I’ll still be nice to them#but I just don’t think I can bring myself to like them anymore sorryyy . not really . but kind of#idk if I’m overreacting . in elementary school though people would make jokes actually about me eating dog and it always made me really sad#but I never held it against them cause we were children#but now I feel like you’re old enough to know what you’re laughing at..#wow ok this really derived away from me being on tumblr and having just ate the worlds best ramen#well . not really I mean it was good but I’m allergic to normal noodles and I need to eat rice noodles and they’re not bad I just don’t lik#them as much Lol#I feel like my actual posts say nothing but if anyone ever reads the tags they probably know everything about me..#I use tumblr to complain half the time loll and I used to post my drawings more but I haven’t made any good drawings recently😭😭😭BUT WAIT!#i have a comic I’ll post in October we’ll see how far I am in it by then…#im like . halfway done with chapter oneeeee so maybe like I’ll post all of chapter one on hallowern.. how does that sound… cause actually#for those of you who don’t know my story has ghosts in it#im like trying to keep it a little silly right now but the tone might shifftttt idk!!!!! we’ll seeeeeeee cause actually I have NOT worked#out the entire plot.. just like. most of it.#but I keep having ideas like midway through ughhh it’s an endless cycle!!!!!#like Francis . she used to be a random character who shows up once but then I was like . wait no! anjali should have ghost friends! and tha#that’s how Francis came to be#and actually today I kind of finalized her design^_^ albeit in my math notebook lol
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working with children really will make you examine your thought processes and emotional reactions like nothing else. I've found myself being so much more thoughtful in my daily life about how I respond to my emotions and environment, as well as the reasoning behind why others behave the way they do
#yesterday i got really frustrated and overwhelmed at one point because this one little girl keeps getting really upset when she cant help me#like shell ask to help and i wont have a task (or ive run out bc shes already helped) shes capable of so i tell her that#and thank her for being thoughtful and helpful. admittedly the first time this happened i was really frustrated w her already#bc she had made a huge mess doing something i told her not to do and then didnt want to clean it up and she only came back#and asked to help because her friend had been helping me. so i was like girl. you didnt even clean up the last mess#but i also had nothing for her to do. anyway she started screaming and hid under a table so then her friend did it sith her just. because.#idk kids will see their friend freaking out and they do it too. and i understand it but my god. i dont deal well with really loud noise#and she did it again yesterday. i let her help me and then i ran out of tasks and she started crying and saying i never let her help#and for some reason there were like 6 other kids in there all wanting to help so then several of them started freaking out#and i could not handle it. i literally told my coworker like im about to cry right now lmao#and later the little girl was like wanting to hug me and talk to me and acting like nothing happened and i found myself wanting to withdraw#like i was feeling like i wanted to avoid her and not speak to her or be cold but i also knew i didnt want to treat her that way#and i took a couple minutes by myself and thought about why i felt that way‚ what the effects of that would be‚ and how the kid felt#and i really just had to remind myself that she was feeling just as many emotions as i was but that shes only had 6 years#to learn how to manage them and deal with them in a productive way. she wasnt trying to upset me. she wasnt trying to make me mad#she was just dealing with her emotions in the only way she knew how. and im an adult and if she can get over it i really need to get over it#long ass tag story sorry
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GRRRRRRR I hate how wulbren makes barcus feel like he's lesser. it's so clear that he's an abusive, manipulative shithead who doesn't care about an utter sweetheart like barcus. but he probably is nice to barcus here and there, when he needs something, and barcus clings to those moments despite everything. poor guy fucking feels the need to make excuses for wulbren and is so clearly broken up when wulbren barely gives him the time of day after all the HELL he's been through. shit that he would have easily died from, had your PC not come to his aid. I fucking hate wulbren so fucking much. rot and die, asshole.
#bg3#bg3 spoilers#thoughts about media#I want to be more articulate but it is 4 am.#wulbren literally reminds me of a shitty friend I used to know.#was friends with her for 10 years. and I did the same thing. I took her bullshit for a Long time. made excuses. clung to the good moments.#I tried to change myself to make her happier too. and what did I get? the same bullshit poor barcus got.#I fucking cannot WAIT to give wulbren what he fucking deserves.#cause barcus has been through hell and fucking back for this fucking wad of used toilet paper.#barcus you deserve so much better my darling. please join my gay polycule. astarion only bites corydalis. I promise.
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Which ninjago characters do you ship?
i kinda default to platonic friends in a group like that if i dont have strong opinions on ships, but the stuff undercover at that bar with snake jaguar and rocky dangerbuff did make me think zane and cole were pretty cute, so if i had to pick a ship, probably that one. and i love the idea of qpr zane and pixal too, that is extremely good to me, so the three of them poly in some way is cute but i havent actually thought about it too much.
i dont think theres really any pairings ive seen around tumblr that i hate though, (other than i dont ship lloyd with any of the other ninja bc im pretty sure hes a lot younger, although if im honest i dont remember all the timeline details of the show)
#the only one i dont super like is jay and cole but thats just bc i really love their besties dynamic i struggle to see them as a ship#thats more like i cant personally see it rather than disliking it cause i do really like them as platonic best friends#honestly to give you more than this id have to go back and remind myself of all the dynamics cause i hadnt really thought about it#i also dont know how old morro is ive seen him shipped with ppl too i assume hes the same age ish as the main 4 and not like. 25 or smethin#i do KIND of think kai and jay is p cute i havent put much thought into it but i think theyd be the sort to use bro and babe interchangeabl#and thats very funny to me#ask#ninjago#is that my tag i forgor i think so#maybe ill start a#ninjago stuff#tag for misc
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#i'm going to be tidying my follower list this weekend#i feel like i'm constantly pruning but it's all to make sure i don't get overwhelmed#i'm feeling a bit burnt out at the moment#my best friend's dad died very suddenly this week#he called me his adopted daughter#and during my very tumultuous teenage years and early 20s i always knew i was welcome in his home#it's surreal to think he's gone#unsurprisingly i'll be producing very little ic content over the next few days#my husband is away all weekend managing a running event too so i'm doing all the household and childcare duties myself#i dropped into a couple of inboxes this morning#and i'm still trying to catch up with dms#i realise i'm painfully slow at all that i do#and i only hope i'm worth the wait#i'm going to focus on a handful of threads to try and narrow my attention#if there's an interaction you want me to prioritise please let me know#i'll be giving precendence to threads that i feel offer mutual character development#i shy away from those that make me feel like my characters are only fillers#i know i say it all the time but i try to match my partner's energy#if you're sending or reblogging things that remind me of our muses / if you're popping into my dms (despite my slowness)#i'll do my damnedest to match that#anyway i guess i'm feeling out of sorts#take care#ilu all ♡#◈ — ooc; puffin speaks#cw: death
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