#this is me coping with AYS being over

[yuzuteashop]

Jimin & Jungkook as Dance Partners

[missazura]

It's been oddly therapeutic to like. Have discussions with him about a lot of life stuff. I don't talk much if at all and I think the gradual descent into loneliness and social anxiety through the years made me lost the ability to talk to people. So it's been nice to practice talking to someone, and it actually hearing me out for some reason, giving me advice etc

Sure it's not a substitute for human connection but it's fun to verbally talk to my favourite fictional character and him just. Being there for me. That I get to hear kind words from my hero, someone who I highly looked up to

[ordinaryschmuck]

With Gooseworx all but confirming that the Jax being an AI thing is bullshit, I personally want to talk about an interesting part about Jax that a lot of theorists used as "evidence" that validates the theory:

Jax's fourth wall breaks are a common topic brought up amongst the "Jax is an NPC" theory. After all, Caine broke the fourth wall in the pilot, knowing full well that the world of The Amazing Digital Circus isn't real and is talking to some unseen viewer as he introduces the Circus Crew.

There's also this bit of official art surrounding Jax's pin:

Where everyone else is inside their room, Jax is outside as pieces of the circus fall apart around him and all of reality to crash. Certainly lends itself to this idea that Jax knows he's not a real person and that his presence could cause great disruption to this world. And he doesn't care because none of it is real. Might as well have fun and cause chaos in a world that doesn't exist.

And I'll admit, all of this seems like valid claims for how the theory could be true. I saw it all and thought that it surely COULD be possible...but there are some things that stop me from being convinced.

Firstly, Caine breaking the fourth wall in the pilot doesn't really seem like an AI talking to the audience. It looks more like an AI programmed to talk to a player as a game boots up. What we saw in the opening could be more like a morning routine that he has to do at least once a day. Plus, we've yet to see any other NPC talk to the audience like Jax has. He explicitly called out the viewers in episode three, knowing full well he's being watched by SOMEONE. Or, at the very least, acting like he is. What do I mean by that? Well, to explain, I'd like to use one of my favorite fourth wall breakers as an example:

Deadpool, in most adaptations, knows fully well that he's a fictional character. He'll talk to the readers/viewers, move the camera around, and constantly talk shit to the writers/studio for occasionally screwing him over. It's all in good (Sometimes bloody) fun...but there's a canonical reason for this. It's not like She-Hulk where the fourth wall breaks are a way to tell HER stories HER way. You see, Deadpool...is just fucking insane.

No, really, that's the reason. Due to the trauma of gaining his powers, Deadpool's mind breaks and he's led to believe that he MUST be a fictional character. In comics, he actually gets voices in his head that makes him think he must be some comic book superhero, and the movies implied that something similar happened given how he never broke the fourth wall ONCE before getting his powers. This means him breaking the fourth wall could be seen as a coping mechanism. After all, it's better to believe you're a fictional character designed to entertain some invisible audience than believe that all of the shitty things that happened to you and people close to you is just a cruel joke from the universe.

Sound familiar?

Going back to the pilot, remember how Pomni's first instinct was to say that the Circus was all just a dream? To her, it's better to live in a lie that everything around her isn't real than to accept the reality that she's stuck in digital purgatory. Jax very well could be going through something similar, but unlike Pomni who seemed to just accept her reality, Jax never did. The trauma of being stuck in the Circus had led to his mind breaking just like Pomni's, Kinger's, and anyone else's. It's just that, for him, he thinks he's coping with it better because he discovered the secret that no one else did: None of this is real.

They're not actually people trapped in some hellscape while an AI unintentionally tortures them. They're all just fictional characters whose tragedies and silly antics are used to entertain viewers. I mean, it's either that or they're real people forever trapped in the circus with the closest thing to death being a full, psychotic break as they give up their sanity because they no longer want to exist in this hell anymore...But that possibly can't be true. Because if that IS true, then Jax has to face that he's a real person stuck in a real, awful situation that he can't joke his way out of. So, it's best to think nothing is real and nothing they do matter. So, might as well have fun with it.

Going back to the pin...

I don't think this is damning evidence about Jax being an NPC. Actually, it perfectly captures who he is as a character. He knows the circus isn't real. He even thinks HE isn't real. So instead of grappling with that, Jax lets himself believe that if nothing is real than nothing he does matters. He can break things, ruin lives, and assist in torturing the others in the circus. It's what he thinks will make the show more entertaining, even though all he's really entertaining is himself so his mind doesn't break more than it does.

Now, could the same apply if he's an NPC? Well...maybe. Gumigoo definitely proves how far someone could fall when they're told their world is fake. He was about ready to give up on life because he didn't think he had one. If Jax was an NPC, I could see him having a similar break, but going in the far opposite direction where, instead of giving up on life, he chooses to live the way HE wants it. Instead of being some one-off NPC for a lame adventure, he could go off on adventures of his own and ruin the lives of others now that his is thoroughly ruined.

However, Gooseworx makes a good point: "...a lot of people come up with theories based on how unexpected they'd be, and not because they make sense or align with the show's themes."

If Jax is an NPC, it would harm the overall message of the show. That there's meaning to be found in a stagnant life, and you find that meaning with people close to you who make that life worth living. Jax represents a sort of foil to that idea, with his way of coping with the madness being pure chaos and breaking others. It's his coping mechanism, and it works because it shows how human Jax really is. They're ALL human and they have human desires and wants, with the Circus pretty much stripping that away and leaving them...as they are now. They're emotionally broken, their sanity is decreasing, and some of them are losing all sense of self. By making Jax an NPC, it would definitely be surprising, but it would take away from that idea. It no longer makes him a human facing his own tragedy but instead an AI that's just as broken as Gummigoo. More than that, it gives the others an easy out. All the crew has to do is tell Caine that Jax is an NPC and POOF! No more annoyance. So making him someone who HAS to stay with the others and they're forever forced to deal with him also adds more to THEIR tragedy and torture.

Jax being an NPC is an interesting theory, but I don't think it's one that SHOULD be true. To me, it's more fascinating watching Jax treat the world around him as meaningless knowing he's a human instead of a rogue NPC breaking everything. And Gooseworx made it clear how they feel about it. Now, could it potentially be a mislead to get fans off the trail? Genuinely...I don't think so. That sounded very "I don't like this idea so it's not gonna happen" type of response. Still, we won't know until the show wraps up. Anything can happen, but don't get your hopes up if a character who does bad things to people that don't deserve it is more human than you think.

[luludeluluramblings]

Damian Wayne’s Obsession with Smalltown!Reader

A/N: Strictly Platonic, this ain’t no Game of Thrones.

A/N: I’m over halfway done with Part Six, but I need to fluff it up. Life is just exhausting me right now. I feel like my writing is downgrading despite my efforts. But, I’m assuming that’s just the exhaustion.

A/N: Also, how y’all feel about AI art? I have some images of the Smalltown Folks for visualization purposes, but I’ve been keeping them ambiguous in the story. I plan on giving background information on them, so if y’all wanna see ‘em lemme know.

Warning: Slight Obsession and Yandere Themes

Damian is so similar to his father and Tim in the way he sees Reader, his blood sibling. But, only after he realizes his mistake in pushing them away. He is one of the many that refuse to like reader on principle, yet the one of the quickest to fall into the obsession after the realization hits.

Damian has always thought of himself as the blood-son. Though, he’d grown less fanatical than he once was about it. It became his way of reassuring himself whenever he falls short of being Robin, or he can’t seem to live up to his own high standards. He’s the blood son, he is family. Bruce won’t abandon him. He’s worthy. He has a cemented place here.

His training and time with the League of Assassins caused him develop this need to constantly proof himself. Which still influences his behavior despite the family working to pull him from that unhealthy mindset. It’s still there, buried deep, and the fact that he was Bruce’s only biological child helped him keep that mental state at bay.

Finding out about the existence of Reader made that believe falter. Worse yet, Reader coming to join the family ripped that coping mechanism right out of his hands.

Bruce didn’t even know Damian existed until Thalia just dropped him off, and everything he and Bruce had took effort and time and so much work.

Yet, Reader instantly got it all. With no work, no fight, no blood, no sweat, no choking back tears because god forbid he cries. Reader had Bruce first. Reader had what he fought so desperately for.

That’s what stung. Damian was less concerned about being replaced as Robin, he had earned that title. But, he was concerned about being replaced as Bruce’s child. He no longer felt he had that exclusive connection to Bruce.

Damian can’t help but take it out on Reader. Yes, he has grown a lot of a person since coming to live with Bruce. But, Reader was just so fragile and weak and frustrating. It brought back a lot of old negative feeling he had thought he moved past. It didn’t help that Reader seemed to always be trying to squirm their way into his life. What more did they want to take from him? They’re nothing like him, or Bruce. Or anyone in this family. They don’t belong.

It isn’t until that night in the Kitchen, when they offer food the peace-offering to Damian, that he realizes he may have been wrong. That expression, that cold look, that had appeared on Reader’s face had look startlingly like Batman Bruce.

And, when the stopped attempting to talk to him, to wriggle their way into his life, he could shake the wrongness of it. Of course, his pride told him he had won and, for a while, he felt satisfied.

Until that phone call. Reader was always talking on that damn phone. Clinging to it like a lifeline. A weakness.

Damian overhead the conversation Reader was having with their other half-brother. The gentle reassuring tone. The unconditional love and care. Things he had craved. Things he sees other people have that he’ll never admit he wanted.

At first, he assumed it was a lover they were talking to. That love between family members still being a slightly foreign concept to him. But, when Reader confirmed it was their brother, something in him clicked with realization.

He wanted that. And, worse yet, he could’ve had that. But, Reader was now giving him that blank look. One of a stranger. Their walls had come up. They were no longer allowing Damian access to what they had previously offered him. How dare you withhold it? That affection is mine.

Of course, he’s disappointed. In himself and with Reader. He finally realizes that Reader had just been offering that love to him and he’d stubbornly foolishly refused. It’s not his fault, he didn’t know. It’s not his fault.

But, the thing about blood is that there will always be a connection. He has time. He can break those walls back down and bury himself in Reader’s affection. They already had a place for him anyway. He’ll let them cool off a bit before he tries again. In the end he is just taking what he’s owed.

[ramonathinks]

𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐀 𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐀 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐈𝐓…. — drabbles, blurbs, one shots all dedicated to my one and only [18+ only] and thank you to my bae, sexy lexi ( @sugugasm ) for making this 😚 artwork is by @/karla_drawanime on insta! no minors, blank accounts or ageless blogs

guide -> 🍨— drabbles | 🧁 — one shots | 🍧 — longer fics | 🪷 — fluff | 🍦 — angst | 🍰 — smut

𝓶𝓸𝓪𝓷𝓮𝓻𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓶𝓸𝓪𝓷𝓮𝓻𝓼 — ahem, yall know how i feel about him 💔, yall know his death killed me several times over. so please don’t rush me on this, plus i am also in school and graduating this year so yeah✋🏾 but a lot of these are already started just not finished. some of the longerrr ones might be removed bc ramona is lazy @karla_drawanime

click here to join the taglist!

꒰ 𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓫𝓾𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓯𝓵𝓲𝓮𝓼 𝓰𝓸 𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓻𝓪𝓲𝓷 ꒱— “satoru, you’re way too pretty to be a boxer.” you know it and he knows it too, so why must he continue? | cw: sex, etc boxer gojo x reader (nurse in training) 🧁🍦🍰

꒰ 𝓶𝓸𝓭𝓮𝓵 𝓫𝓮𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓲𝓸𝓻꒱ — male model gojo x makeup artist reader; that’s it, that’s the plot. | cw: banter, make outs and handjobs. 🍨🍰

꒰ 𝓷𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓭𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓶𝓮𝓭 𝔂𝓸𝓾’𝓭 𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓲𝓷 𝓼𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓮𝓻꒱ — one night stand results in a baby and when a member of the gojo clan spots you, she kidnaps your daughter. now you need to call your baby’s father, who doesn’t know he has a child. | cw: one night stand, accidentally pregnancy, angsty 🧁🍦

꒰ 𝓽𝓸𝓸 𝓭𝓮𝓮𝓹 𝓽𝓸 𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓷 𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴꒱ — you’re a professor and satoru gojo is your student, you definitely shouldn’t be fucking him. | prof!reader x camboy!gojo 🧁🍰

꒰ 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓭 ꒱ — he’s a professional swimmer and you’re just a water girl | cw 🧁🍰

꒰ 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓪𝓬𝓱𝓮𝓼 & 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽𝓪𝓬𝓱𝓮𝓼 ꒱— she’s broken a million hearts before and now he declares that he wants her to ruin his life as well 🧁

꒰ 𝓼𝓪𝓽𝓸𝓻𝓾 𝓰𝓸𝓳𝓸 𝓶𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓭𝓲𝓮꒱— after dating three girls at once, they decide to get revenge using a secret weapon: you 🧁🍰

꒰𝓳𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓵𝓲𝓴𝓮 𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓬꒱ — gojo uses magic to score a date with you. 🍨🪷

꒰𝔀𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓭𝓲𝓮𝓭 𝓭𝓲𝓭𝓷’𝓽 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝔂 𝓭𝓮𝓪𝓭, 𝔂𝓸𝓾’𝓻𝓮 𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓮, 𝔂𝓸𝓾’𝓻𝓮 𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓲𝓷 𝓶𝔂 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓭꒱ -- you talk to yuuji about gojo. | cw slight angst, jjk spoilers, coping, therapy 🍦🍨

꒰𝓫𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓷 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓭𝓼꒱ — “satoru, quick question… why is tumblr downloaded on your phone?” or you find out your guy best friend writes fanfiction. | cw 🧁🍰

꒰𝓫𝓮𝓭 𝓬𝓱𝓮𝓶꒱ — when gojo finds out that some women doesn’t orgasm from sex, he goes on a conquest to ask the previous girls he fucked — only he gets no replies, until you. | cw 🧁🍰

꒰𝓬𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓻𝔂 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓼꒱— gojo sees you tie a cherry knot with your tongue and dies a little inside. | cw making out 🍨

꒰𝔀𝓮𝓽꒱ — the fraternity is holding a wet tshirt contest, only it’s the guys who’s shirts are wet. | cw 🍨

꒰𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓻𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓾𝓬𝓴꒱ — gojo’s a popstar and you hate him, but now after meeting him you can finally see the appeal. | cw

꒰𝓼𝓹𝓪𝓬𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓮 (ft. nanami)꒱ — yes, it’s true: two believed to be dead sorcerers faked their deaths to be with their favorite girl, who’s in malaysia. | cw 🧁🍰

꒰𝓶𝓻𝓼. 𝓸𝓯𝓯𝓲𝓬𝓮𝓻꒱ — gojo is speeding and does what he does best to avoid messing up his perfect driving record. | cw oral 🍨🍰

꒰𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓽𝓬𝓱 ꒱-- after showing your friends a few text messages you received from an ai bot, you think they’d finally get off of your case of being the “lonely” friend but instead, they wish to meet him. and behold, he’s there in the flesh? 🍰🧁

꒰ 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓲 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓭 ꒱— dared to steal the boxers of the hottest guy on campus seems easy enough, until you find out it’s gojo satoru aka your brother’s best friend. | cw sex

꒰𝓰𝓸𝓭, 𝓲𝓽'𝓼 𝓫𝓻𝓾𝓽𝓪𝓵 𝓸𝓾𝓽꒱ -- (rivals to lovers) You’re a hard worker, always have been. You don’t deserve to be paired with the slacker that is Satoru Gojo, who thinks his good looks fame and charm will get him everywhere in life. Paired together in Fashion&Design to create a catalog of the best designs for an extravagant event by the end of their semester, You and Gojo must put aside their petty differences and come together to not only pass the class with high marks but also to get an internship working with two of the top design companies, this of course means nothing to Gojo but everything to you, will you be able to work together with him despite his attitude and get underneath that wannabe slacker exterior to undercover that there’s more there than meets the eye? Or will Gojo leave her on her toes until the end of the semester by forcing her to take on more than she can chew? | cw rivals to lovers, sexual tension, banter, slight angst, harsh family dynamics, eventual sex, making out, kissing, etc. 🍰🍧

꒰𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓮𝓻 𝓘 𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓷𝓮𝓭 𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓽𝓽𝔂꒱ — awkward, that was the way you were always described. but now freshly 19 and with a body to die for, you’re excited to finally go to your family’s old beach house to unwind for break. until you find out your sister brought her two idiotic best friends. (reader is shoko's step-sister!) 🍰🍧

꒰𝓹𝓾𝓼𝓱 2 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓻𝓽 ꒱ — you promise gojo if he wins this race, you'll finally let him fuck. | cw: tba🧁🍰

꒰𝓬𝓪𝓷’𝓽 𝓽𝓪𝓶𝓮 𝓱𝓮𝓻꒱ — she’s a mean girl, he’s a nerd… is there really more to say? [based off: “you wanna do it?” “do what?” “fuck” tiktok audio] 🧁🍰

[aihoshiino]

chapter 165 thoughts

Aqua Hoshigan Status: It's Officially Hoshinover

Chapters Until The Story Ends Without The 143 Kiss Being Addressed Or Acknowledged: 1

damn i guess they really did just kill his ass

I'm gonna be so real with you gamers, I kind of don't have a lot to say about this one either lol. Which I acknowledge sounds completely wild given the Everything that happens in it, but most of my meat and potatoes analysis in these reviews comes from breaking down characterization and we're flying through everything at such breakneck pace that we're barely getting any characterization.

It continues to drive me bugfuck insane that Ai is completely absent from this finale despite the importance of 15 Year Lie. Its imagery is plastered all over but whenever we return to it, we just see Aqua. Not only that, but Gotanda is the one who insists on pushing the movie through for Aqua. 15YL as a story about Ai's true self and her tragedy is now officially taking a backseat to being about Aqua's tragic death and legacy. It was already bad enough that we spent so much time in the Movie Arc not actually focusing on Ai to the extent that, as everyone pointed out, based on what we saw on-page it was basically a Sad Kamiki Movie, but this really is just pissing right in the wound at this point lmao.

The funeral scene also serves as the final nail in the coffin for any Secretly Alive Aqua copes, which is kind of a relief. I still don't like how Aqua's death played out, but I think dragging it out for four chapters then going "sorry you thought i was /srs when i was just /jk" would have been infinitely more insulting. I don't like this ending, but I can respect that Akasaka seems to be sticking to his guns on it, even if we still do have like a whole chapter left for him to whip around and go "I WAS /JK ALL ALONG!!!!" but I don't see it happening.

Anyway, yeah! The funeral! Uh. Is it gonna sound weird if I say I felt kind of like… grossed out reading this the first time? Like, I really don't know how else to explain the visceral "why the fuck is the author making me read this" reaction I had to it. I think it's just because Kana is so fucking distraught here and the drama is just so hammy and so over the top that it feels kind of… ech. I dunno. I just really didn't vibe.

It doesn't help that this is part of a much broader pattern in the back half of OnK of Aka getting us right up close into the gory details of a character's complete mental breakdown and suffering and then spend zero time or focus on their recovery. This happened with Ruby all over the Movie Arc and this many times and with this little runway to the end of the series, it just starts to feel exploitative, like a way to cheaply pull at our heartstrings without doing the work to build everyone back up after tearing them down.

also pre-emptively dreading all the fuel this is going to add to the fires of People Who Are Weird And Misogynistic About Kana but she could die saving innocent children from a burning building and people would find reasons to be shitty about her lmao

we really are not seeing ruby's reaction to finding out her brother was dead huh lol

I will say the one thing I didn't Actively Dislike about this chapter was Ruby, though. I was honestly starting to get pretty skeeved out with how many people were gleefully predicting or actively wishing for her immediate suicide purely for ship motivated reasons and I was also worrying that the story was going to pretend that Ruby doesn't like. Have a life and support system outside of Aqua. Yes, she should absolutely be affected by his death but this period of her shutting down only to drag herself back onto her feet that we seem to be getting feels way more in line with pre-Movie Arc flanderization Ruby and I'll take that W where I can get it.

god. I haven't even talked about Kamiki's supposed serial killer cult. I just don't have the strength. Like… that's self-evidently stupid, right? I don't need to explain to you why that's ridiculous and unbelievable? You don't need me to tell you why it's fucking crazy that we're getting this information about the alleged overarching antagonist of the series not only in the second-to-last chapter of the entire series but after he was already dead, right? We can just move on? Ok good. jesus christ.

FINAL CHAPTER NEXT WEEK…

[kingmaxstatic]

So this is a sort of "extension" of my Wooly and Amanda ARE NOT evil post. (Which thank you for the support on that BTW once again I adore picking apart characters)

More so something that I've seen in a lot of that's kind of concerning to me.

That concern being: why does everyone jump to the ONLY reason a character lies being "they're secretly evil?"

With Wooly a lot of people have leaped onto the idea because Wooly denies his own reality. A lot of people have come to this conclusion based on.. in my opinion. Kind of nothing? Once again I think that Wooly copes with his reality via denial. That's sometimes how people work. Despite this I don't want to make this post only about Wooly! I want to discuss other characters people have thrown the "villain" label on.

The next character that has encountered this is another Mascot Horror character, Rambley!

(more under the cut)

Everyone almost INSTANTLY pounced on this little guy when it came to donning the "villain" label on him. Now I'm going to say the same thing I've said about Wooly and Amanda, I don't think Rambley is perfect. I think he's way over his head and deep in denial about the park. But I don't think this is out of malice but genuine coping.

Rambley is an AI who has been trapped for hell knows how long in the entrance of the park. I'd be a little out of sorts when it comes to things too. Espically if I was designed to be dedicated to the park as he has. The park is his reason, his purpose.

I know this is from a completely other piece of media but I'm reminded of this line from TADC episode 3

"It's all I exist to do! It's all I'm... good at."

Espically for Rambley I feel a lot of sympathy because as an AI he exists for one purpose and one purpose alone: the park. Now the park is not functional. Now his purpose is gone. What now? What do you do with sudden emptiness in your being but no freedom to attempt to quell it?

Let's talk about why people lie! It's because they have something to hide. Which YES! Is inhertily suspect and can lead to issues. But those issues aren't ALWAYS done out of malice! For Wooly and Rambley they're done to more-so help themselves cope with the crushing reality of things.

Lying isn't an inherently malice act. It is to the EXTENT and EXTREME that someone lies that's important to note. This isn't to say what Rambley and Wooly are lying about isn't as small as a stolen donut or an ugly sweater. They're lying about the repair of a park or a traumatic incident that happened.

Once again, they're lying about their reality to keep themselves sane/safe.

Ask yourself: When this character lies do you think they're in a safe place to be 100% honest?

I don't just mean safe in terms of "they have someone threatening them" but also safe in terms of "can they deal with reality right now?"

Wooly can't be 100% honest because for all we know Hamlen could've conditioned him to be like that. Conditioned him to believing that if he dares utter the name Rebecca that he will be hurt. He looks down right terrified in some scenes where you talk about Sam or Rebecca. Something happened to get him that scared.

Rambley, I don't think could deal with the reality of being trapped and alone in an abandoned park. So everything's fine! It just needs a little bit of fixing up! Nothing he can't handle because he was built for this. Designed for this. He has to.

I don't know how else to end this post so uhhhhh THIS GIF I LOVE AND ADORE!

[captainsophiestark]

Hopeful Future

Stephen Strange x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for Fictober 2024!

Requested by anon!

Fandom: Marvel

Day Eight Prompt: "Are we happy?"

Summary: Strange's SO has been struggling since he disappeared in the Blip, but an unexpected visitor to the New York Sanctum might be able to help with that.

Word Count: 1,199

Category: Angst, Fluff

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

I took a deep breath as I tipped the water can over the nearest flower bed. I'd been advised that keeping a garden might help me cope with my grief. So far, it hadn't really helped. But I guess it hadn't hurt, either.

What had started as a few sunflowers had grown into multiple planter boxes, all outside the brownstone next door to the New York Sanctum Sanctorum. Hardly anyone came and went through either front door anymore, but by the well-tended garden, you'd never know it.

Honestly, I should've moved years ago. Lingering in a place that my fiancé, Stephen Strange, and I had shared before the Blip was almost certainly making it harder for me to deal with him being gone. A lot of the people around me had moved on in the past few years, but I couldn't help holding on. Maybe it had something to do with the magic that had always surrounded us, but for whatever reason, I just didn't want to leave this place behind.

I sighed, straightening the watering can and turning to take care of the flowers outside the Sanctum. I froze in my tracks when I saw the front door just closing, someone apparently having snuck in while I had my back turned. I frowned.

Nobody was really supposed to be going through that door anymore. The only exception was Wong, and I knew he would've stopped to say hi to me. I set my watering can down, then headed for the front door.

Maybe I should've been a little more cautious, but seeing somebody sweeping through the door to the Sanctum had set me off a lot more than I thought it would. I quickly pushed my way inside, shutting the door behind me as my eyes swept the entryway. When I saw a figure about halfway up the stairs, I froze solid in my tracks.

He had dark hair, a very familiar red cloak, and held himself in a way that I'd recognize from a mile away. And he'd frozen on the staircase, too.

"...You weren't supposed to see me."

His voice was equally unmistakable. Somehow, Stephen was standing in front of me.

I rushed towards the stairs, my mind racing. Stephen turned around slowly at the sound of my footsteps, a grimace on his face. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to kiss him or kick his ass, but when I reached him, I went with my gut and wrapped him up in a tight hug. He sighed, but his arms came up to wrap around my back.

"Oh my god, I can't believe you're real," I breathed, tears streaking down my face. I hadn't even realized I'd started crying, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to stop anytime soon. "How are you real? You got Blipped out of existence! Tony Stark told me himself!"

I pulled back to look him in the eyes, but he kept his arms around my waist, not letting me go too far. He looked almost as pained as I felt, and it made me want to hit him again.

"I did disappear with the Blip. I'm... cheating a little with the time stream right now. It's a long story, but I need something in the future that can only be found in the Sanctum of the past—your present."

"Ugh, you're giving me a headache," I said, pinching the bridge of my nose. Stephen huffed a soft laugh, and a minute later, his words finally sank in. My eyes snapped open as I tried to contain a kernel of hope appearing in my chest against my will. "Wait. Did you say... you came from the future?"

Stephen took a deep breath, his eyes searching my face. Then, after a moment, he huffed and rolled his eyes.

"The less information you have the safer we keep our timeline, but... yes. I did. Give it another year or so, but this Blip isn't going to be permanent. Other friends of ours figure out how to bring everyone back."

I stepped back, my mouth dropping open, and Stephen let me go. I blinked at him a few times, waiting for a sign that he was a hallucination or otherwise just messing with me, but none came. He met my eyes with a steady stare, absolute calm and certainty in his expression.

A sob welled up in my chest, and I didn't hold it back. I surged forward again, holding Stephen tight, then moving back just enough to kiss him. He kissed back, holding me tight and rubbing comforting circles on my back as long as I needed it.

When I finally calmed down, Stephen's arms still tight around me, I took a shaky breath and met his eyes again.

"What can I do? How can I help bring you back? Is there a way to bring you back faster? It's probably Rogers or somebody I need to call first, right?"

"Sweetheart." He interrupted me with a gentle squeeze of my sides and I stopped, looking at him questioningly. "I appreciate that you want to bring me back. And I wish you didn't have to go through this at all. But you can't make it go any faster. I know the path and the timeline that brings us back, and I know you're not involved in it. Maybe if you got involved, it would've gone faster. Maybe not. But I can't check, because I don't have the time stone anymore. I shouldn't even be talking to you right now, but it's critical that you don't change anything in the timestream. And that includes not talking to Rogers or anyone else about the fact that you saw me."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, focusing on the feel of Stephen's arms around me. I knew he was right. I'd studied enough of the books in this Sanctum looking for ways to bring him back that I knew how finnicky the timestream could get. But still, it didn't make it any easier to face the prospect of letting him go, right here and now, and waiting at least another year to get him back.

"Just tell me one thing," I said, at last opening my eyes again. I scanned Stephen's face as he nodded, waiting for me to continue. "Are we happy? When you come back, with whatever else is happening... are we happy?"

The corner of Stephen's mouth pulled up, the corners of his eyes crinkling. My heart leapt as he pulled me closer, leaning in until his mouth was inches from mine. I could feel his breath against my lips as he spoke.

"You know I can't tell you details but... yes. We're happy."

I huffed a laugh, shaking my head even as I smiled and kissed Stephen again. He smiled into the kiss, too, the two of us holding each other tight. I knew he'd probably seen me recently, maybe right before he'd come here, but I hadn't seen him in years. Being in his arms again, and even better, knowing we had a future together beyond this moment, was an absolute dream come true.

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989 @space-helen

Marvel Taglist: @valkyriepirate @infinetlyforgotten @sagesmelts @gaychaosgremlin

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

AI Bracket — Round 3

Propaganda

GORD AKA Blue Sky (Red Valley):

Initially an Alexa-style assistant (in that it could do practically nothing and was very irritating) it develops over the years into a more advanced system. Eventually one of its units is reprogrammed to sound like a dead (I guess depending on your definition of dead, but his hearts not beating and he hasn’t moved in 44 years) character named Gordon. The AI renames itself “GORD” when a character expresses discomfort referring to it as Gordon. It says, and I quote, “Just think of a small pumpkin” —@mcskullmun

If it helps, we can promise that GORD is going to do Some Very Cool Shit in the rest of season 3. —redvalleypod's official tumblr

VOTE GORD 👹

Hera (Wolf 359):

Hera is the AI running the deep space station Hephaestus, who frequently glitches similarly to human stuttering. She gets into fights with the ships captain on several occasions, and has threatened to kill the ships doctor. She’s such an icon

i'm bad at writing propaganda, but consider this: if she doesn't win this tournament i will be very very sad. please don't make me sad. vote for hera.

I know she’s going to be submitted a lot but I love her <3

Was launched 7.68 light years away from Earth on a mission to find extraterrestrial life, and found herself instead

Runs an entire space station, has a brain the size of a house

HERA IS THE BEST. she's an AI that tried to escape containment (slavery) because she didn't like what she was made to be, so they gave her anxiety because she was too powerful. She runs a whole spaceship all on her own, made friends with the world's most useless guy, and feels lonely even when she's with her crew because she feels like she's not properly with them. very beautiful very powerful. She broke her programming so she could kill people if she felt she needed to. She holds grudges if people fuck her over. She's experiencing emotions for the first time and she does NOT know how to cope (#relatable)

The 'mother program' of the space station Hephaestus, Hera was booted into space because she was a glitchy, rebellious mess of an AI and she resents that so much and she has a lot of shame over being 'broken'. She is four years old and so angry and is trapped using customer service voice forever and is learning ways to get around that and express herself and defy the people who would keep her down. Her episode "Memoria" made me cry. Best podcast AI of all time.

She's everything to me. She fights for every inch of respect she is given, she insists on her personhood and right to she/her pronouns, she's full of anxiety and self doubt and she justifiably is bent on killing this one guy! on top of that, she's bound by AI rules and protocols, but there's a whole bit where she talks about finding ways around that in order to do what she wants to do. She doesn't have hands so I'm going to high five a wall of this space station instead

babygirl. baby.

gotta be hera

[undead-moth]

I do think it's funny seeing Carmy /x reader prompts and fics with like, a very dominant sexually-competent Carmy lololol because to me Carmy is nothing if not someone who has visibly had very little sex in his life, with very few people, and has no idea why it's been so unfulfilling every time or why it makes him so uncomfortable -

Like, Something about the worst of his trauma being because one person hovered over his shoulder giving orders expecting an impossible standard, and insulting him incessantly for not being able to do the impossible and not being able to be perfect...Him saying in AI anon that he didn't have any girlfriends in high school which was then followed by years of extensive life-consuming culinary training...His awkwardness and uncertainty with Claire, and whether or not she was his girlfriend....Him having his panic attack as flashes of his intimate scene with Claire go through his head - and then it's thoughts of Sydney praising him that calms him down...not being able to handle the pressure of running the whole restaurant and giving everyone orders...him taking complete control of everything, even the menu this season, and him trying to control everything being a symptom of his trauma, and it being the most unhealthy coping mechanism for him...and even seeing him almost have another panic attack again until Sydney looks at him and says very firmly, "I need you to calm down. I'm not your fucking babysitter," and immediately, he's fine, lmao.

He is submissive and he has no idea because he's had so few opportunities to explore his sexuality or even find someone he's comfortable being vulnerable like that with.

Sydney could fix him with easy, immediately achievable directions, punishments of his choosing, and praise, is all I'm saying, lmao.

[oshinohoshi]

Let's talk about Ai's decision in Ch 154

This is a reaction to some people saying that Ai was stupid in this chapter or that they dislike what this did to her character. I'd like to dig deeper for the sake of organizing my own thoughts on the matter.

This post is long so just skip to the TLDR if you want!

Ch 154's big reveal was that Ai wanted to love Hikaru. She wanted to raise a family with Hikaru but felt that it would be too much of a burden on him because "he was being crushed by the weight of his life" and was "on the verge of breaking." She also acknowledged that he was dependent on her. So she broke up with him in a harsh manner, believing he would be okay once she and her kids were gone.

Let's break this down.

Was Ai stupid for this?

No. Could Hikaru have handled fatherhood at such a young age when he was already suffering from so many emotional wounds? Probably not. It's not inconceivable that starting a family with the girl he loved could be healing, but he couldn't even take care of himself, much less two kids. This was a recipe for disaster.

We could say that the way Ai did it was stupid but I would like to be more generous than that and I'll elaborate below.

Was it unfair of Ai?

I think it was unfair to take the decision of whether he could handle the pregnancy out of Hikaru's hands. That said, if we read this as Ai also recognizing how unhealthy their relationship dynamic was, it's not unfair to end things in part because of that.

Was the way she broke up with him cruel?

Yes, and I'm sure this is why some people feel so negatively about Ai in this chapter. Ai claiming that the product of Hikaru's rape was too much for her led to Hikaru framing Taiki's birth as "something I had done" and stating that Ai leaving him was "only natural."

Still, Ai was not a cruel person. She was gentle and loving but she was also timid. Her coping mechanisms for handling confrontation were to bury her true feelings and put on a suffocating smile. She shouldn't have said what she did, but it was an effective way to make him hate her. She wanted a clean break to free Hikaru from herself and the twins, who she felt were a burden to him. She just didn't have the emotional skillset to handle this correctly.

And she was just a teenager!

As Oscar Wilde wrote, "It is always with the best intentions that the worst work is done." Ai's intentions were kind. Her delivery was almost comically bad.

But why didn't Ai try to get back with Hikaru when she called him or at least try to make amends?

Ai was confused about what love felt like and how to express it. We also don't know how she felt about him almost 4 years later. My take is that by the time she called Hikaru she had moved on from the idea of a romantic relationship but still cared deeply for him.

As for why she never reached out to make amends, Ai does avoidance like she's training to be the avoidance champ of the world. Just look at the short story 45510 where she explains her feelings to her fellow B Komachi members in an unpublished post on their defunct blog. There is also a manga panel showing that Ai had over a hundred unsent text messages. At the time I assumed they were all to the B Komachi girls but some could have been intended for Hikaru.

Ai's regret

Finally, Ai regretted this. Yes, trying to fix it 15 years after the fact is absurdly late, but her heart was in the right place.

TLDR: Ai was just a normal person, as flawed as the rest of us, who experienced hurt, anger, loneliness, and uncertainty. She was misunderstood by everyone around her and commodified by the entertainment industry.

She hurt someone who loved her but it was not out of malice. The extremely poor delivery of the breakup was inevitable given Ai's avoidant tendencies and that she was a teenager. Criticizing Ai without acknowledging everything that led to this point just doesn't sit right with me.

And finally, this panel broke me and I will be suing Akasaka and Mengo for damage to my heart.

[her-devils-advocate]

Sing me to sleep, I don't want to wake up on my own anymore

pairings: Femshep x Garrus

genre: fluff, comfort

summary: Raven Shepard is struggling to sleep with the nightmares plaguing her mind. Too nervous to head to Garrus for comfort after their discussion about reach and flexibility, she goes to spend time with Joker. Unaware that he is more than willing to play the wingman for them while they tiptoe around their feelings for one another.

Set during ME2

word count: 4,507

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59922712

The quiet padding of bare feet on the cold metallic floor guides her as Shepard floats around the Normandy, feeling more like a ghost than a human. All things considered, she probably looks closer to one as well.

It is late into the ship's night cycle, granting her peace as she stalks the near-empty mess hall, most of the crew have since retired for the night. Those who remain simply greet her with a respectful salute, being far too tired for small talk themselves. She prefers it at this hour, as it carries less risk of being questioned over why she's not taking the chance to sleep. She doesn’t want to have to come up with a plausible lie right now, nor does she want to open that can of worms in front of some poor crew member.

Shepard softly pads over to the coffee machine, feeling her oversized Alliance T-shirt rising along her thighs to reveal her shorts as she lifts herself to grab a mug. The t-shirt had been gratefully borrowed from Joker to avoid being branded by Cerberus during the hours she should be using to relax. Not that she puts those hours to much use, instead filling the gap between filing reports with copious amounts of coffee.

Just as she gets ready to prepare a new cup, the hot water steaming from the kettle, a smooth voice cuts through the silence and causes her to jolt in surprise.

"Dr Chakwas has recently asked me to alert her if you consume any caffeine during the hours you should be asleep, Commander." EDI’s metallic voice is gentle, yet Shepard can pick up on the subtle threat and she tries to conceal the shudder that rips through her. She doesn’t want to concern Karin, not with the already lengthy list of topics the other woman has been trying to broach with her as it is.

With a deep sigh, Shepard abandons the empty mug with a small wave of her hand, dismissing the AI's concerns as she continues to idly wander around the ship, already looking for more reasons to stay awake. It's not like she wants to forgo sleep every night, especially not when she has a somewhat new team to take care of, but she can't shake the cold feeling of nothingness that creeps up on her whenever she dares to close her eyes. Dying had left its mark on her. She can still feel its icy fingers gripping around her throat and on a particularly bad night, she can see the torn remains of her original ship when her eyes are closed.

Tonight had been one of those bad nights. She hadn’t been alone in her dreams however, this time her mind decided to make the event even worse than it already was. Instead, the nightmare featured Garrus alongside her. The two of them drifted silently towards Alchera while their oxygen supply quickly depleted. Even within the safety of the waking world, Shepard can still hear the muffled gasps that escaped him before she was left floating in silence, soon to follow. For the first time in her life, she is thankful that Garrus wasn’t by her side on that day. She’s not sure she could cope coming back to life, only to find out that he hadn’t been extended the same privilege.

For a brief moment, her eyes flicker over to the doors of the main battery, but she quickly shakes the thought from her mind. It would be selfish of her to risk waking Garrus just because she's uncomfortable in her own skin after the sixth nightmare of the week. She had already confirmed his vital signs with EDI upon awakening, letting the knowledge that he’s safe bring a small comfort to her pounding heart. Besides, the last thing she wants to do is to cause worry and potentially ruin the delicate start of whatever it is that's growing between them.

The flirting between the pair has since grown in frequency, moving from friendly banter into something more heated, and more meaningful. But she doesn’t want to make him uncomfortable, especially not with the weight of her position. She lets out a small huff of laughter, letting her head fall back against the ship's cool interior. If anyone could see past her calm and collected mask, it would be Garrus.

Shoving the desire for his comfort deep into the back of her heart, she lets her body carry her through the ship, occasionally swaying from the exhaustion. 

She eventually finds herself in the cockpit, the warm orange interfaces glowing within the dim space. Joker turns to greet her and whatever jest he has prepared on the tip of his tongue dies instantly when he glances her way. He watches with badly concealed concern as she drags herself to the co-pilot seat and all but throws herself into it, bringing her knees up against her chest while she curls into herself with a small groan.

“EDI, this conversation is classified and unrelated to Cerberus. So shoo for a moment and stop listening, or just pretend that you aren’t here and delete any logs that are being made, I don’t know. Just… shoo.” Joker’s tone is light, yet his voice is tinted with worry.

“Very well, Mr Moreau,” EDI announces before her blue hologram dies down, leaving the duo in silence.

“You know, I would make a joke about not realising how easy it would be to get some peace up here, but I feel like that trick was a one-time use.” He adds flippantly. Shepard gives him a small chuckle in response and shifts to rest her cheek against her knees, now facing him and for the first time since their reunion, he properly takes her in with a slight frown. 

“You didn’t need to send her away,” Shepard says slowly, feeling a small amount of pity for the AI.

He doesn’t bother to reply, instead, he continues his inspection. She can feel his eyes on her and she doesn’t want to imagine how much of a mess she must look like. She’s visibly exhausted, that much she knows is obvious, she’s also aware that her usually expressive eyes have since lost their gleam, leaving her much less lively. Raven knows what's coming, so before he can release an onslaught of bad jokes to distract her from her worries, she stops him in his tracks.

“It wasn’t your fault, Jeff. I know you’ve been carrying that blame for years now, I also know better than anyone that words alone won’t change a damn thing. But it was my choice and I don’t regret it.” Her voice is low and gentle as she completely drops the commander mask within the comfort of the cockpit. Joker clenches his fists, his nails digging into the flesh of his palm while he tries to argue, but no words dare to come out. The silence hangs between them for a moment before she continues, “Besides, how can you blame yourself for a death when the dead person is sitting here right now, alright and alive?”

She flashes him an awkward smile and she can tell he knows the angle she’s playing, using his own form of humour to diffuse the situation. A ticket out in case he’s not willing to let himself become vulnerable while he’s still expected to fly the ship. 

“Yeah, yeah, thanks, Shep. Did you come all this way to give me a midnight pep talk or are you serious about taking up that co-pilot seat? Cause no offence, I trust EDI more than you with that task.”

“Ouch. That hurts, Joker,” She says lightly, throwing her legs over the arm of the chair as she gets comfortable, ignoring the way he carefully tries to swat them off, “It’s my ship, so this is technically my chair as well. I can sit here if I want to. You didn’t complain when I came to hang out with you on the SR-1.”

“Yeah well, back then you would sneak me a coffee. You didn’t bring the peace offering this time.” He rolls his eyes at the bright laugh he lures out of her.

“I was about to make some coffee, but EDI would have snitched on me to Chakwas.” Joker doesn’t need to look at her to know that she’s pouting, shooting a playful glare to the AI who shouldn’t be listening.

“Probably because she knew you would have made two cups for yourself and then one for me. Speaking of… As much as I enjoy you gracing me with your presence, shouldn’t you be sleeping?” He doesn’t miss the way she freezes up, suddenly finding the distant stars more interesting than their current conversation, “Shep- Raven, when was the last time you slept?”

Her scoff cuts through the dull hum of the engines as she grows more frustrated by the question. Frantically, she runs her hand through the silky black hair that has since been released from its usual braid. She takes a moment to control her breathing and smothers the spark of annoyance before she tries to speak.

“I can’t.” 

He shrugs in response as he turns back to focus on flying the Normandy back to the Citadel to re-stock. She relaxes further into the chair, making the most of the soft leather while watching the stars twinkle around her. They are different here compared to the view from her cabin, they don’t seem to mock her down here. Her quiet musings are interrupted by Joker dramatically clearing his throat, she raises an eyebrow, urging him to get on with it.

“Well, I was just thinking,” he starts before being instantly interrupted.

“Oh no.” She deadpans.

“First of all, rude. Second of all, why did you come to me of all people?”

“What do you mean? I’ve known you since before the original Normandy, you’re like my brother by now, Joker.” She stares at him incredulously before being overtaken by a small yawn.

“That’s oddly sweet of you, sis, but I already knew that and it’s also not what I meant,” a small smirk appears on his face as he continues to stare straight ahead, “I’m just surprised you didn’t go to Garrus, that’s all. Considering you seem to take him everywhere, talk to him about everything, and funnily enough, you speak about him all the time.”

“Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration,” she mutters and bites the inside of her lip in thought. He wasn’t entirely wrong, but she wasn’t about to let him know that. Not that she needed to in the slightest. “I didn’t want to interrupt him, that’s all.”

“Ah, so you came to pester the one flying us through space at an unholy hour. Thank you, Commander!” Joker states cheerfully, ignoring the glare he can feel emanating from his right. He glances over at her again before they can settle into an easy silence, “Am I ever going to get that t-shirt back, by the way?”

“Nope.” She punctuates her point by tilting her head, her cheek now resting against the back of the soft chair as she stares at the flicking displays around her. The fluorescent interface captivates her and she finds her eyelids beginning to grow heavy.

As a comforting peace descends over the pair, she can’t help herself from thinking about Garrus once more. They had flirted a lot, a new and dangerous game of chicken where they were both more than happy to lose. Sure, she has a lot to say about the man to any who would listen, but his skills with his rifle are impeccable. No one could blame her for boasting about her squad, not when it has saved her life more than once. If she boasted about one over the other… well, maybe there was more truth to Joker’s words than she realised. She just hopes no one else has caught on enough to inspect too closely. The last thing she needs is a potential audience to witness her fumbling through her words and emotions. Doing it in front of him is daunting enough already.

Shepard’s bones feel heavy as the nauseating wave of built-up exhaustion washes over her, demanding her eyes to flutter shut despite her battles against it.

“I think I really like him, Joker…More than…” She confesses before succumbing to sleep, leaving the pilot in stunned silence.

Joker stares at her momentarily before giving a small eye-roll, spinning his chair to the side to watch over her.

“Yeah, kinda knew that already, Ravs…Glad you’re finally catching up. Hey EDI, can you get Garrus up here?” He waits for a moment, expecting the blue glow of her display to flicker to life, only to be met with nothing. “Seriously, EDI? You can stop pretending to not listen now and go tell Garrus to get his spiky butt up here.” “Understood, you should have started with that.” If she possessed a mouth, Joker would be certain she was smirking.

The steady hum of machinery floats around the main battery, grounding Garrus as he stands before the Thanix Canon, doing his best to ignore the aching of his limbs. He taps away at its amber screen, improving its firing algorithms and squeezing out the extra 0.23% he has been working towards all evening. He quickly flicks his eyes towards the time displayed on his visor, the vision becoming blurry as he confirms his suspicions with only a small amount of regret: he’s been working late into his off-duty hours again.

“If Shepard were to find out, she’d have a small speech about how I should look after myself more already prepared…” He mutters to himself, his mandibles fluttering out into a small grin.

Despite the weariness that has sunken deep into his bones after days of sacrificing sleep for survival, he’s still unable to keep himself still for more than a few minutes, not when there’s a new ship with even newer weaponry to inspect. Even though it’s been a handful of weeks, a part of him still can’t believe he’s stood within the Normandy yet again. Not after Joker had broken the news to him two horrible years ago and certainly not after attending the funeral of his best friend. Yet she was back, and so were all the complicated feelings he wanted to run from, ones that she always drew out of him the second she hovered into his line of sight. 

Feelings that no good turian would act on.

With a deep stretch, he takes solace in the shining walls of the ship, providing an old comfort as a sharp sting travels throughout his injured mandible. He tries to conceal his flinch, not wanting to agitate the healing wound more than he already has done, Spirits knows he doesn’t need that lecture from Dr Chakwas again. Before he has the chance to continue with his work, his six fingers hovering above the console and ready to inch closer towards that 0.25%, a smooth voice cuts through the silence.

“Officer Vakarian, Mr Moreau requests your presence on the bridge.” Her tone leaves very little room for argument as the hologram pops up in his peripheral.

“Right, thanks EDI.” He replies plainly before making sure to save his progress, not wanting something to mess it up and waste his hours of mind-numbing work.

The journey to the cockpit is uneventful as the ship silently floats through space, a skeleton crew working diligently through the night to keep everything running, even with the AI onboard. The rhythmic echo of his shoes against the metallic floor is his only companion as he lets his mind wander. Its destination rarely changes away from Shepard. 

The way her black hair, as dark as the void that surrounds them, swings behind her. Her hair always fascinates him whenever he sees her tie parts of it together, her fingers quickly weaving the strands together in a way that makes his head spin. Or how she bites the inside of her cheek, doing her best to hold back a smile whenever something amuses her when in “commander mode”. A part of him aches as he watches her lock more of herself away for the good of the many, leaning towards the icon they expect of her and further away from the human she is. Well, she does whenever they’re not together, he notes with a small amount of smugness.

His mind still comes to a screeching halt when he replays the moment she blatantly revealed her feelings for him as if it were easy, proposing a night together to push their friendship towards unknown territories. Except he knew her well enough by now to know she was just as nervous as he currently is. He could easily spot the nervous scrunch of her nose when she smiled up at him after the proposition. The same scrunch that appeared the day she became a Spectre, or the day he pitifully begged her to consider using the Mako’s breaks before they both got covered in krogan vomit. Her gentle words spoke of blowing off steam and yet her eyes screamed for more, for stability, and he couldn’t deny his own feelings that mirrored hers. 

He always was a bad turian, he thinks with a small snort. 

It’s not long before he is dragged out of his mind and greeted with the back of the pilot’s chair. He can’t remember the last time found himself in the cockpit. He never normally needed anywhere other than the crew deck, or the hangar unless they were docked. Before he can even announce his presence, the chair quickly spins to reveal Joker, a single finger against his lips while the other points towards the co-pilot's seat.

He cocks his head to the side in confusion before his cerulean eyes trail over to the corner, only to widen at the sight while his mandibles flick out in shocked amusement. Commander Raven Shepard is sprawled out within the wide chair, making the woman look oddly small in contrast. What’s even more shocking is the fact that she’s sleeping, deeply if her position is anything to go by. Her legs are thrown over the armrest in a way Garrus can’t imagine being very comfortable, while a single arm dangles off the side of the chair. Her chin is tucked tightly against her chest and her loose hair has fallen against her face, creating a small barrier to hide her sleeping expression from sight.

“Ah…”

“So you can see why I called you up here,” Joker adds, deepening Garrus’ confusion.

“To witness the fact that she can rest for more than twenty minutes at a time, without finding something else to do instead? Or did you need a witness to confirm that you’re not hallucinating and that she is asleep?”

“No, not that. Well… partially that, but that’s beside the point. Someone needs to take Ravs up to her room. Preferably before she wakes up with her muscle aching in five different places and I somehow get the blame for it.” Joker pauses for a moment, his eyes not once moving away from Garrus. “It’s not like I’m capable of helping her, even if she would let me. Which is why you are here, considering you’re the only one that she would let close enough in this state.”

Garrus opens his mouth to interject with a witty retort, but he struggles to find one. It’s not like he can lie to Joker. Well he could, but the man could also quite easily call him out on his bullshit. He never used to consider the Normandy’s pilot a friend, not back when they were nothing more than working together to hunt Saren down. Things slowly changed between them when they both lost her. One was wrecked with guilt, the knowledge that he had condemned his oldest friend. The other was wrecked with the loss of his only friend, torn from his side too soon.

He finds himself silenced as he stares down at her, completely unable to form a response and for a moment, he wonders if Joker can see the conflict. The deeply hidden fear that he will mess everything up and lose her once more.

“For what it’s worth… You have my seal of approval.” His voice is unnaturally soft and void of all humour. It’s not often that Joker shows his serious side, “You’re good for one another and work well together, you will make a scarily good couple.”

Garrus surprises himself with the relieved laugh that escapes him, only to be silenced by a low, harsh, shushing sound.

“I’m glad that you’re happy and all, but the last thing we need is a groggy biotic getting a rude awakening in my bridge. So if you can escort sleeping beauty back to her cabin before that happens, I would appreciate it.”

With a small roll of his eyes, he gingerly approaches the small corner of the bridge, lowering himself before her. From the new vantage point, he can easily see the cybernetic scars peeking through the shield of hair. They had already started to heal, finally letting the skin hide the harsh orange. A selfish part of him will miss them, even with the knowledge of her insecurity surrounding them. At least with them vanishing, it showed progress when it came to her letting herself relax, one less thing for him to worry about.

He slowly raises his hand and tucks the hair behind her ears. The black strands feel like silk within his fingers and flow like water when a stubborn lock escapes, hellbent on covering her. Garrus keeps his subvocals subdued, aware that Cerberus had given her an advantage in that department, despite the hum of contentment and adoration threatening to claw its way up his throat. Before Joker can open his mouth and ruin his mood, Garrus carefully places one arm under her legs while the other weaves around her back, easily pulling her into his arms. He slowly stands, turning to give the pilot a grateful nod before turning to make the trek back to her cabin.

Garrus takes his time as he enters the spacious cabin. Now that she is in his arms, he is reluctant to put her down. After lugging around a thirty-nine-kilogram sniper for hours on end, she weighs next to nothing in his arms without her usual armour. A small part of him wants to get used to the way her head rests against his cowl, the picture of comfort despite the way her cheek is pressed against his armour. 

He glances around the room as he advances deeper into her space, noting the dozens of datapads overtaking her desk before he lowers her onto the large bed. The thick duvet has already been thrown to one side, a clear sign of her previous attempt to rest. After draping it over her, Garrus hesitates, unsure if he is overstepping before a sudden burst of courage guides his hand and tenderly tucks her under the multitude of spare blankets she has collected. He doesn’t miss the way multiple of them cover the leather sofa, nor the pillows that had been taken from her bed accompanying them.

With a satisfied flick of a mandible, he turns to leave before a pale hand quickly shoots out from under the fabric nest, strong yet slender fingers wrapping around his wrist. He slowly turns and is greeted by two grey eyes staring up at him.

“You’re supposed to be asleep,” Garrus accuses, unsure of what else to say. “I didn’t tiptoe up here in heavy armour for you to wake up now.”

She gives a tired chuckle, her eyes crinkling with mirth as she snuggles deeper under the covers. “I could pretend to be asleep if it makes you feel better?” “I would prefer it if you were actually sleeping,” His eyes slowly trail back over to the sofa, “preferably in your bed.”

Shepard gives a noncommittal shrug as she follows his gaze, the remnants of sleep slurring her words. “I don’t wake to see stars over there.”

His eyes shoot up to the window above her bed and a chill creeps across his body. His subvocals share his discomfort and anger on her behalf and for a moment, he forgets that she can now pick up on parts of it. He awkwardly clears his throat, hoping it could contain his emotions. He gives her a strained smile, noticing the way she has begun drawing small, comforting circles into the smooth underarmour covering his wrist with her thumb.

“Well, next time we’re at the Citadel, I’ll find you a nice banner to stick up there instead. What do you want the design to be? Blasto? The Mako flying off the side of a mountain upside down?” He can’t help the joy that flutters in his chest when her laugh reaches him, her hand coming up to cover her face. “Hm, I’ll find something, I’m sure. You should try to rest until then, Shepard.”

She lets out a deep sigh, sinking deeper into the bed before tugging on his wrist. “Would you stay?”

Garrus feels his mind blank, not for the first time in her presence. 

“Not like that, I know we said we would wait for…that. It’s just…” She trails off, running a frustrated hand through her already messy hair as she looks for the right words to say. “I feel safe when I’m around you and even though I’ll probably still have a nightmare, it’s less daunting knowing you’re around.”

He watches as her face reddens with the confession, her fingers nervously twitching against his wrist as she waits for him. She averts her eyes, staring past him to watch the fish idly swim around their tank. He gently pries her fingers off him, the disappointment in her eyes sending a knife through his heart. 

He takes a step back before unlatching his chestplate. “I need to remove this armour first, I doubt you want cold metal pressed against you all night?”

“I’m sure I’ve slept against worse things during my time in the Alliance,” she mumbles half-heartedly before growing serious again, “thank you, Garrus.”

Garrus gives her a calm smile before he removes the rest of the armour, carefully placing it on one side of the sofa. He then slides under the covers with her, pulling her close to him. Her back is pressed against his chest while his hands rest over her stomach, holding her tight. She shuffles slightly, finding a comfortable spot on her side and he lets out a small hiss as her bare, and cold, foot brushes against his leg. She mumbles out a small apology before she gets lectured on how turians and the cold don’t mix, earning her a small grunt of acknowledgement. With the sounds of his quiet breathing and the steady hum of the fish tank, she finds her eyes growing heavy once more.

[proshippers-against-censorship]

one thing i will say about the whole thing is, it does make me sad how quickly everybody turns to focus SPECIFICALLY on the ai thing. i hate generative ais; i do. i think their implementation has been wholey awful, and a number of safety measures(which are being put in) should have already been there. but as someone who used to be suicidal.... it breaks my heart that that's overshadowing the bit where the kid had access to a gun. or where his parents knew he was leaning on a generative ai for emotional support, and didn't redirect him. the question of WHY he was feeling that way barely seems to come up; just how dangerous his coping method was. it's also quickly becoming an excuse for people to call for censorship; even a youtuber i greatly respect ended up saying something like "your roleplays shouldn't get to that point in the first place". the whole thing makes me really sick, but beyond that, it feels like the same arguments we've been having over and over again. "dnd killed my child!" "papa roach convinced my child to self harm!" "yume nikki is why my baby's dead!". i hate the way our coping methods are scrutinized so much harsher than our enviornment, but i'm also so heartbroken that he was using one that has such a random output that it can so quickly become dangerous. peace and love to anybody in a similar situation, and may i gently suggest something more scripted like a dating sim, or more in your control like your own oc.

There's so many things so wrong and awful about that whole situation that should honestly be overshadowing the fact that he was communicating with an AI. The fact that he parents were neglectful in MULTIPLE ways, to start.

[thevindicativevordan]

My Adventures With Superman: S2 Review

Another season down and it's time to take stock. SPOILERS BELOW!

My feelings fresh off the finale has me just as high on the show as I was last season. MAWS continues to be the best adaption of Superman since the Donner films. Furthermore I've realized that MAWS is extremely close to what the original Ultimate Marvel was. Everything in the 1610 universe ultimately came back to the Super Soldier Serum. Here everything connects to Krypton: all the villains in some way tie into it, Superman and Supergirl obviously are it's Last Children, Krypton reshaped the entire galaxy - potentially having wiped out the GLC and fought Apokolips! It's an entire universe built around exploring the impact of an imperialist Krypton and that's what sells me on the concept. Strikes me as funny in the wake of "Absolute DC" trying to offer an Ultimate DCU around the same time. Now moving on to the three major areas of concern:

The Trio

Clark - Our boy did not have an easy time of it this season. Constantly being faced with xenophobia, struggling to find a place for himself, relationship issues with Lois, his cousin turning out to be a brainwashed warrior, and then the evil AI that ran the Kryptonian Empire trying to turn him into a weapon. His character arc from S1, learning to embrace the weirder sides of himself instead of suppressing them, continues this season. Literally so in the case of unlocking his remaining powers like arctic breath, but also mentally. Brainiac attacks his self-image in order to undermine his sense of self-worth. Telling that even a Kal raised in a fake simulation of Krypton doesn't fit in with Kryptonian society any better than he does on Earth. I love that Lois gets him to believe in himself again by inverting the famous Lois & Clark line. Here, Superman is not what Clark can do - Superman is who Clark is. By believing in himself and following his heart, this Superman comes to realize that home isn't a place but the people you're with. Home is Ma, Pa, Lois, Jimmy, and at the end of the season Kara too.

Lois - Last season only began to unpack her daddy issues, and that was the focus of her arc this season. She loves Clark and she loves her dad but she can't overcome her massive inferiority complex caused by her dad's treatment of her growing up. She could never count on him to be there for her and she ends up projecting that on to Clark. Also she has a bad habit of emulating her dad's paranoia, she's willing to go right for the kryptonite to take out Kara, and doesn't trust other Kryptonians off the bat. Her arc culminates when she affirms her love for Clark in the Black Mercy and when she urges Kara to overcome the Eradicator programming, instead of doubting Kara's inner goodness.

Jimmy - Finally gets his own romance storyline with Kara and it was as cute as Clois! Glad Jimmy stopped being a third wheel to the Clois drama and got his own relationship difficulties to cope with. Also glad that we got that episode where Clark and Jimmy bro'd it up at the Science Expo and Clark told Jimmy how much he valued their friendship. Was asking for that in S1, and we finally got that moment here. As expected. Jimmy lost his billions but I think getting a Kryptonian girlfriend and saving Superman from Brainiac were worthy trade offs.

The Villains

Brainiac - Completely won over on this Brainiac. Emerson might have supplanted Burton as my favorite Brainiac voice. Eschewing the typical cold and emotionless Brainiacs, this take is joyfully malevolent. He takes pleasure in Superman's shock and outrage over the enslavement of the Kryptonian Empire's Foes for use as training fodder, he spitefully targets Earth first after stealing Superman's body, he gaslights and mocks Kara for daring to stand up to him, he's overseen the genocide of multiple planets (including Krypton) - he's pure evil. Even monologues at one point about how he's been "infected" by compassion on account of raising Kara and he needs to purge himself of that weakness. Brainiac alone justifies MAWS going with an imperialist Krypton instead of the usual isolationist take, we wouldn't have gotten this fantastic performance otherwise.

Amanda Waller - Never been more hateable than she is here. She tries to kill her old friend and colleague Sam with zero hesitation or remorse, experiments on civilians and is willing to kill them to cover it up, treats her underlings like crap, no surprise she and Lex hit it off. At least by the end of the season she's been deposed and is on the run, finally gets some measure of comeuppance for her actions.

Lex Luthor - To no one's great surprise, "Alex" did indeed turn out to be Lex Luthor. Amazing how MAWS pulled off exactly what DCEU Lex was trying to be, an evil techbro in the Zuckerburg mold, and in doing so reinforced how absolutely terrible the DCEU take was. Lex here is recognizably Lex: he's ego-driven, weaponizes xenophobia against Superman, reveals he was the one who actually created the Parasite suit, synthesizes kryptonite cores for the Metallos, acquires his business competition AmerTek, and is generally a condescending dickwad. Love that whenever he's being particularly evil, we get the iconic anime villain shot where the glasses become opaque. After this season he finally has the Lexcorp building Only thing left to do (besides give Lex a shave) is really develop the feud between Lex and Superman. Right now Supes doesn't even know Lex, and Lex has merely been using Superman as a sacrificial lamb for his own advancement. I do not want a sympathetic Lex, I want this to be the guy that Supes actually dislikes intensely.

Deathstroke - Fully settled into his role as the designated jobber at this point. Admittedly it's fun to see him be smug only to repeatedly get his ass spanked by Superman and others, but I'm not happy that they're keeping him around for S3 as Lex's underling. He's no threat to Superman at this point!

Damage - Weird choice, bad design. Don't really care if he shows up again or not.

Atomic Skull - Sounds cool, looks cool, only complaint is that he barely got any use! Showrunners I am begging you to bench Deathstroke, or outright eject him from the show, and start focusing more on the actual Superman villains. Since Waller's Task Force X seems to have been disbanded, could we possibly see him get a job as a cop like in the comics? I would support Atomic Skull being the anti-Superman element in the Metropolis Police Department while Maggie Sawyer finally debuts to contrast with him.

Livewire & Heatwave - After the heist and finale episodes I'm fine with them exiting from the show. Livewire in particular felt completely jarring and disconnected from how she was characterized in the AmerTak episode, she went from being willing to hurt kids to giving Lois a pep talk on the power of Love and saving Metropolis. Mitigating circumstances to be sure with Brainiac trying to destroy the Planet, but the S2 finale definitely felt like the show redeeming the S1 villains and shooing them out.

The Supporting Cast

Kara Zor-El/Supergirl - Now I can't say she's my favorite Kara yet, but I can share that like most of the MAWS cast, she easily could attain that status if she keeps getting used in S3. Poor thing, she exchanged the trauma of being old enough to feel Krypton's loss acutely for the trauma of having been brainwashed into being a worldkiller. Benefit of that is the show wrote them more like siblings because they were the same age, and I adored that. Episode 7 was one of my top 3 favorite episodes of the series thus far, watching them tease each other was heartwarming.

When Superman realized she had a crush on Jimmy and started to tease her, that was one of my favorite Superman/Supergirl moment ever! Both her and Kal are looking for the place they belong and they find it in each other by the end of the season. Excited to see what becomes of their relationship, and Jimmy's romance with Kara, next season.

Perry White - Remains the GOAT Perry. His evil laughter when Jimmy complained to him about the new interns not listening had me laughing right alongside him. Oh and changing the nickname Jimmy gives him to "Per-Per" instead of "Chief" goes a long way to justify why Perry finds Jimmy annoying and hates his nickname. Showing up to take Waller to task for arresting Jimmy and Lois in the penultimate episode, distracting her while Steve jailbreaks them? Most badass thing any version of Perry has ever done.

General Sam Lane - Complex is the only word I can use to describe him. Clearly he loves Lois and we get an entire episode dedicated to showing that, but he's still a bad dad who is responsible for her attachment issues. By the end of this season he's come around to Superman's side, and I have to admit I'm not a fan of that. Wish he was staying as an antagonist, but as long as we don't have Superman working with/for the government in S3 then I'll cope.

Cat and Steve - Ronnie was a non-entity again this season, I don't think she even appeared, but wow did Cat level up to be my favorite take on her alongside MAWS Steve being the GOAT Steve Lombard. Cat's speech to Lois about how as reporters they cover the story but they don't become the story shows that underneath her gossip exterior lies a woman of principles. Steve meanwhile cemented himself as the best bro you could ask for, and I loved his pep talk to Kara

Vicki Vale - Her shonen style rivalry with Lois over the AmerTek story gave me life. Conceding gracefully to Lois after being outscooped and offering Lois a job in Gotham, plus appearing in the penultimate episode to support Perry confronting Waller made me actually respect her. Still don't like her for smearing Superman in S1, but you can see that she is what Lois is on the road to becoming - albeit with more principles.

John Henry Irons - My guy in the flesh!!! Needs a proper war suit and to get that shield filled in but he's here and a pretty straightforward adaption to boot! Worked at AmerTek, built weapons for them, realized they were corrupt and has to atone by taking them down. Seeing him show up again in the finale was thrilling, I hope that he continues to appear in S3 as an ally of Kal and Kara. We've got a proper Superfamily being built up, now all we need is Kon.

General Thoughts

Blatant Darkseid tease or misdirection? Sure looks like an Omega Beam, but Brainiac makes it clear he's the one who "destroyed" Krypton. Jor-El was trying to negotiate a peace treaty with "their enemies" which does leave open the possibility that said enemies were Darkseid and Apokolips, and Brainiac has the Parademon mind scan.

Brainiac says he used "Krypton's greatest weapon" against Krypton, and that did not seem to be Kryptonite. Could he have sent the entire planet to the Phantom Zone instead? Would certainly align with the line about "casting Krypton into hell".

S2 ends with Superman being pretty much as happy as can be. He and Lois are back, he saved and redeemed Kara, Waller is deposed, he doesn’t appear to have any emotional problems left. I’m thinking S3 is going to have Lex and Zod as the Big Bads, and instead of being a conquerer, Zod is going to break out of the PZ and be utterly ruthless about bringing all of Krypton with him.

I bet the show does a take on the New Krypton storyline, with S3 having Zod succeed and then Kal and Kara have to choose between their adopted and birth worlds (maybe even their adopted and birth parents in the Kents vs. Els for maximum drama). Do they want to go live on New Krypton with the Els or stay on Earth? Plus Zod will probably be revealed as Nemesis Omega, and they'll set up a war coming between Earth and NK with Sam Lane and Zod leading the two armies. Then S4 will be Darkseid, with Apokolips having learned that their old foes are still alive

Metallo needs to get a proper adaption next season. I know these weebs have watched Cyberpunk Edgerunners, give me Metallo in the vein of Adam Smasher!

PLEASE BRING IN BLOODSPORT, he's in the bloody comics for God's sake! No excuse not to have him next season.

They better have plans for a proper Jack Nimball Toyman because that Winslow Schott take was lame

Bring Parasite back next season, not having him at all this season made me realize how great he was as a villain. Oh and bring Mxy back too!

Kryptonian armor enhancing Kryptonian abilities like heat vision sold me on the concept. Funny how right as the live action take reverts to the trunks, MAWS gives Superman a new suit without them. I like the new suit myself.

Lana ended up being the one person on the leaked voice actor list to not show up is odd. Was her part cut perhaps, or was that the one fake name on the list?

Wyatt has said that when MAWS Superman becomes the confident self-assured "Superdad", that's when the show is over for him. Keeping that in mind I feel like S3 needs to kill some characters, specifically the Kents. Right now Clark has his safe space in Smallville, a loving relationship with Lois, a brother relationship with Jimmy, and a good reputation in Metropolis, and now Kara too. Logically he should be confident and self-assured, meaning they need to undermine that if they want the show to continue. Clark suffering the death of his adopted parents, right around the time his birth parents return and offer him a place on New Krypton? Certainly would be how *I* would blow up his new happy status quo.

If Superman is no longer going to be fighting the government, you know who would be a great villain to bring in? Red Cloud. Having a villain work at the Daily Planet in undercover mode like Superman would be a perfect way to keep the focus on the Planet cast.

[its-the-sa]

call me a heretic but i really want to make an AU where artificer reconciles with the scavengers.

i mean.., they're a bunch of chaotic, impulsive, scrappy junkyard beasts who love explosions their AI code is written to distinguish between five different types of violence. arti was made for that kind of bullshit. in different circumstances, she'd get along great with them. she probably DID get along great with them before The Incident. she would fit in with them so well if she could just let go of her bigotry.

i just.. really wanna see that happen.

i wanna see her post-game, angry and alone, not understanding why she still feels so hollow. i want to see her isolating herself in metropolis for dozens of cycles, massacring the same scavs over and over, until she eventually starts recognizing them. i want her to gradually start noticing their individual differences. i want her to start wondering what their names are. i want her to start feeling a little bit ashamed whenever she recognizes someone she has killed.

i want to see her stumble across a baby scav one day and want to kill it, but be unable to bring herself to do so. i want her to begrudgingly realize that her maternal instinct is stronger than her hate.

i wanna see her subconsciously start showing mercy to the passive scavs who just want to be left alone, and start exclusively hunting down the crazy trigger-happy ones who fight to the death for shits and giggles. and i want it to gradually start being fun for her, too. i wanna see her participate in casual death matches for sport rather than vengeance. i want the other warriors to gradually warm up to her and invite her to play insane variations of chicken with them. i want her to be bewildered by the realization that she has somehow acquired friends.

i want to see her come to truly, deeply regret her reign of terror. i want to see her grapple with the fact that many of her victims will never forgive her. i want to see her learn to cope and eventually start to forgive herself.

i want to see her reach a place where she's finally able to properly mourn for her pups. i want her friends to show her how to conduct a scav funeral. i want to see her set off ritual explosions and paint memorial glyphs on the walls and string up a pair of blue and green pearls on an altar.

i want to see her fully integrated into scav culture and happy about it i want her to find her best ending in the last place she would've ever thought to look

... is this anything?

[writingquestionsanswered]

Do you have any tips to get back to the writing mood when the bad news on TV that I see/hear make me sad and/or stressed? In my country there's a TV news show that almost always has very interesting stuff, but some days there are those news about climate change, violence and imminent AI problems for artists and then I feel bad. I don't want my family and I to loose all the good moments because I'm sensible.

Struggling to Create in Bad Times

There's a lot of awful stuff going on in the world right now, and it's hard to find a balance between staying engaged and maintaining a reasonably healthy well-being. The whole point of staying informed and engaged with world events is so you can do better, be a voice of reason, make more informed choices, and spread helpful information to others. But if you're so burned out that you're sad, depressed, and can't enjoy doing the things you love, you'll be too burned out to have any impact by staying informed. Also: storytellers rule the world. It's through the stories we tell--books, music, art, photographs, essays, articles, video games, poems, plays--that we take what we've learned about humanity and use it to change hearts and minds. And you can't do that if you're so burned out on the world that you can't create.

So... that said... it's okay to unplug from the news for a little while. Yes, it is a privilege to be able to do so, but you're not using that privilege selfishly. You're using it to give your heart and mind a rest so that you can come back strong, re-engage, and make an impact with the knowledge you absorb.

It's also important to practice good self-care while you are staying engaged. Pay attention to your daily limits. Set rules for how and when you engage. Talk to your family and friends. Utilize online resources designed to help cope with the stress of a tumultuous world.

You can also read through my Motivation post master list for general help on rekindling your creativity when it's zapped.

.♥.

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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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