#this is making me giggle. horrifically gay

[weresprout]

@digitalcarcass

me when empire

[kindlespark]

The experience of being Chinese diaspora but only knowing English as a first language is universal and insane. I love that babel toys around with that feeling a lot.

Not to mention the feeling of both being ashamed of not knowing and also that weird feeling of offense that it's an expectation for you to know but then you're like wait- why do I feel offended that someone would think I would know Chinese and the answer IS racism - but it's also like do I have biases or embarrassment that one would think I know Chinese? That I'm Chinese, that I would fall into the stereotype of what they think of me. And then it's this horrific feeling of not wanting to be made fun of, but not wanting to be ashamed, and wanting to know it for legitimate cultural reasons, but not wanting to be pointed at as a spectacle if you do know it. And this is the insanity of living around mostly white folk.

There's a tragedy to being cut off from language that is so important to culture, and how much of that are you allowed to claim when you're made a stranger to it. And then it's an infinite loop of self doubt, awareness of racism, and insanity.

for sure! diaspora of colour face the kind of racialisation from both in our communities and out of them where our languages and our cultures/existences as poc are entwined. we're foreign. whereas european diaspora don't get the same judgment for not knowing french/german etc. but there also is privilege in living in an english-speaking country with your native language being english; poc with accents from their home countries are racialised significantly more

like all asian diaspora art majors i have a lot of old angsty writing about not belonging anywhere and not knowing my language and the shame and alienation that comes with it. im also diaspora of a diaspora; my parents are chinese-malaysian, and now we're in australia. it's easy to feel like a watered-down version of my cultures, or to feel like i'm made out of things that i am Not. not to even mention how being queer factors into that lmaoooo

for me it was easy to be like, if you have to spend time learning your own culture, is it really yours? but the answer is yes! like rereading my old writing makes me giggle a bit because since then i've spent more time with asian diaspora here, seeking out queer asian communities, reaching out to my family outside of australia, learning chinese. it's incredibly healing. in the scene where robin first meets ramy, babel captures that feeling of your walls going down when you meet another poc so unbelievably well. it's why i don't take the romanticism of it as a soulmate-ism on robin or ramy's part (even though it is also because they're gay). i've felt that feeling a thousand times! asian diasporic culture isn't any less authentic, it's its own thing. you're not alone anon!

[teenagemisanthropyofficial]

Chapter One: Dead Fish Have Feelings Too

AN: I promise that I tried to be serious while writing this. Unfortunately, I failed.

I stepped up to the large metal doors, admiring the super original penis graffiti on the brick walls around them. It was my first time ever seeing a real school, and it wasn't very impressive. I mean, it was just a big building... yet I was frozen in the doorway. The walls were a dull shade of beige and it made me almost sad to see it. The wall deserves better, I think. The graffiti was like makeup for the sad sad walls living a sad sad life of hosting children inside of it.

My neck burned from me scratching at it. My mom always tells me not to, but half the time I don't even realize I'm doing it. My nails are too short to do any real damage, she also likes to scold me for that. I wish she wouldn't freak out so much over everything... telling her I wanted to go to school was a nightmare. I shivered as I recalled the rushing and shouting and crying. She really didn't want me around people.

"Hey, are you Virginia?" A person with big square glasses was staring up at me from the doorway.

They reminded me of Vector kinda, at least their glasses did. They were nothing like Vector otherwise. They had dark skin, braids, thin eyes and long, long lashes… very much not Vector. Though, I think looking like Vector is a compliment. He's like a gay Edgar.

"Uh, yeah. I am." My voice came out a lot deeper than I'd like... I hate when it does that.

"I'm Myrla, come on in." They pushed their glasses up onto their nose, and let me pass by. "By the way, you stink. Please invest in deodorant." They gagged.

As much as that comment hurt, I'm almost relieved they assumed I was unhygienic. But, that's probably the only logical conclusion. Myrla showed me around the building, gagging throughout the whole time. I knew I smelled odd but I didn't know I smelled that bad. Maybe they're right... Does deodorant even work on me? I've never tried because my family doesn't own any... hm. The lunch bell rang.

"Well, that concludes our tour. Please never go near me until you fix the smell. It's awful." They gagged one last time and quickly sped away.

I sat down in the cafeteria and heard whispering and gagging noises in front of me. It was a group of girls. I don't need to hear them to know they're talking about my smell. Looks like I really need deodorant if I want to fit in. If it even works.

I looked back down at my phone and decided to just ignore them. I don't really care if I smell... I just care that people know that I smell.

A loud crash and high pitched screams filled the air ahead of me, the same group of girls had jumped away from the bench. A stout girl was laid out face first on the table, smiling ear to ear and giggling. She quickly slid off the table and slammed her hands onto my table.

"You smell like a dead fish!" She exclaimed excitedly.

Before I could get a word out, she grabbed my hand and shook it with full force. I was worried my arm would pop out of it's socket. I felt like my hand was burning up, she was really hot. In the literal sense. She's like an overheated laptop.

"I'm Cherry and I'm *Cherry* pleased to meet you!" She blew a ginger curl out of her face.

Oh, she was proud of herself for that one, wasn't she. Who let her cook. I felt my shoulder, making sure nothing ripped and stood up.

"Where are you going?" Cherry jumped in front of my face. She was chewing the inside of her cheek and it made her face look a little lopsided.

How do I get away from this girl... oh, I know.

I grabbed my stomach and groaned. "I have chronic diarrhea and really need to shit right now." That'll do it.

"Oh, in that case, I'll stand watch outside the bathroom!"

What. The. Hell. Where does this girl come from?

And so, we walked to the bathroom together and I proceeded to fake my horrific shit and make the most ungodly noises known to man while she stood in front of the door telling people not to come in. Truly a bonding moment. I will tell my grandchildren about the woman who guarded my shit filled asshole.

The bell rang and I rushed out to class, hoping she wasn't following me. And I waited by the door for my teacher to invite me in. She never did. None of them did. I assume they didn't get the memo. So, I spent the rest of the school day out in the hallway. Very enriching experience. I learned a lot about the tiles.

When the final bell rang, I decided to start my way home. I heard a familiar yell come from behind me that I strained to ignore. But when I heard the yelping of yet another familiar voice, I decided to look behind me.

Cherry was carrying Myrla on her back… and I don't think Myrla was too happy about it. I've never seen a piggyback ride that wasn't consensual. I've never seen a piggyback ride. Either way, it looked like Cherry knew Myrla… and they both lived in the same part of town that I do.

“Hey stinky! You live this way?” Cherry seemed thrilled to be here.

I hoped that if I didn't answer, she'd leave me alone. But she kept talking… she shuffled so fast through topics and made the wildest jumps… How does anyone even talk to her? She never shuts up. And Myrla was just as annoyed as I was, the two of them half arguing was even worse. Myrla insulted her and Cherry giggled and beamed.

I watched Cherry as I tuned her out. Her arms were very rough and hairy. I could make out that she probably worked out. A lot. Her pale skin and green eyes really popped in the sunlight. Her nose was kind of crooked and she had one tooth that stuck out a bit.

When she smiled she reminded me of a marshmallow. A freckly marshmallow. A very, very, annoying and loud marshmallow. Like the one I watched as a kid, the one with the mouth. Hm. I wonder if that show is still alive today… probably not. It was a long time ago.

I got home and started up the stairs when I heard yelling, again.

“What do you mean this is the wrong way?! I've been listening to you yap for half an hour and you didn't even take us to the right neighborhood?!”

Guess they didn't live near me then, thank god.

Next page

[cosmicjoke]

I hope in the nearing future all Levi x Oc/ Levi x reader shippers see how mentally delusional you all are. I know for a fact your weirdo behavior will be frown upon soon. Also keep in your lane and shut your mouth up about Satosugu and other gay ships. We all knew your group of weirdos will start coming after every gay ship that makes y'all itch.

And that bullshit you all spew about not being homophobic because you have gay relatives is funny as hell. My Dad has a gay son and he's still homophobic so you all did nothing with that bullcrap

Even if you claim Levi isn't gay, it doesn't stop your friends from writing Levi x original male characters. But you guys don't because your homophobic asses can't handle the thought of him being bisexual even though isayama himself said he likes to see Levi with men by calling himself a Levi yaoi enjoyer. If he had said he likes seeing Levi with red haired women you all would have eaten that up. I think it was just fair that that anon called you all retarded. I was giggling so hard. Saying this as a Satosugu shipper btw. Again, tell your friends to not add us into your dumbass discord.

Oh. It's you. You're back, huh? Haven't had enough of getting your ass handed to you? Well, some people just don't know when to quit.

You "giggled" when "that anon" called us "retards"? Tell me you're a 12 year old boy without telling me you're a 12 year old boy.

You're accusing me of being a self-shipper, but everyone who follows me and pays even the most moderate amount of attention knows I don't ship Levi with anyone, including self-shipping. I make it a point again and again to reiterate that about myself. But then, that's all people like you have, isn't it? There's nothing to actually back up your deluded insistence that Levi is gay or in love with Erwin, but you're so deliriously obsessed with the notion, that any time anyone actually points it out, the only thing you can resort to is accusations of bigotry and the pitiful attempt to frame every other ship as "delusional" and "perverse", as if that somehow serves as proof of Levi's romantic interest in Erwin, or anyone else. The only thing it serves as proof of is your pathological inability to accept reality.

I don't claim anything about Levi's sexuality, one way or the other, because there's nothing in canon, or in Isayama's interviews, which addresses Levi's sexuality, period. Everything you say, everything you claim, every psychologically warped belief you hold about Levi, is based on nothing but conjecture, assumption, speculation and theory rooted in conspiracy. You literally have no foundation for anything you claim.

We don't know if Levi is gay, or straight, or asexual, or bisexual. And we don't know because it's irrelevant to his character. You and your ilk are the only ones who can't seem to accept that irrefutable fact, and you and your ilk are the only ones who are dumb enough, and pathetic enough, to reduce a character who's romantic life and sexual orientation have no bearing whatsoever on his actual story and person, and make it the only thing about him that you talk about or care about. You base your entire interaction and relationship to this piece of art on something that only exists in your head, and then you spend all your time online harassing people over it, bullying and insulting them, and accusing them of the very things you yourself are guilty of, all for the horrific crime of pointing out to you that your delusions, I'm so sorry to reiterate, aren't canon.

You aren't a Levi fan. You aren't even an Erwin fan. You aren't a fan of Gojo either, or of Geto. You're a fan of your own fantasies. Something which has zero relation or connection to Isayama's actual work, or to Gege's work either.

But keep trying. Keep making baseless accusations about people you know nothing about. It tracks for you, perfectly. After all, your entire fandom experience revolves around baseless, foundationless fantasy, so you might as well go all the way, and make your interactions with other people just as tightly wrapped in delusion and self-soothing lies.

[thegeminisage]

STAR TREK UPDATE TIME. friday we FINALLY kicked off ds9 season 4 with "way of the warrior" pts i & ii and oh my godddd:

firstly, i miss sisko''s hair. the beard looks GREAT it's a HUGE improvement but i miss his hair!! i also kinda miss kira's really butch cut. jadzia's hair is still touch and go...important ds9 topics

drilling changeling combat with odo is SO fun. but like also, such a dramatic turn from like, s1, when he pretends to be objects and doesn't want anyone to remember he can do this, because he wants to be able to spy on them. it's fun and funny etc but i could also write an essay about it. he's allowing his body, once a subject of scientific study that traumatized him, to be used again by his allies as a…if not subject of study again, exactly, a teaching tool. he's teaching them how to find and contain and maybe even hurt his people but at the same time HE IS USING HIMSELF TO DO IT he is ALSO TEACHING THEM HOW TO HURT HIM. yes, they're comically bad at it NOW, but they're just getting started, and it also illustrates how horrifically underprepared they are for his people to come and fuck with them at any time. i can't keep thinking about odo i'm going to make myself insane

spn has traumatized me bc i was half convinced yates was a changeling for most of this episode, since she was in and out so often. but he just gets to have a girlfriend!!! i think it's kind of a shame he never seemed to get any romantic chemistry with the rest of the cast…picard and janeway and kirk all get love interest from the main cast…but i still love watching him flirt and make eyes at this lady

THOLIAN MENTION!!!! my beloveds…someday i wanna see what they look like

julian and obrien doing…whatever it was with the peas. they scripted shot and greenlit this. he is suffering so bad without his wife

I KNEW THEY WOULD START JUST FUCKING CUTTING EACH OTHER EVENTUALLY. right across the palm, too. like speaking of being traumatiozed by spn. jesus.

what in the sweet lesbian fuck was going on with dax and kira in the holosuite…kira basically said no matyter how sexy this is it isn't any good if it isn't real and dax DIDN'T immediately fuck her? star trek's cowardice when it comes to gay people ESPECIALLY dax she's literally kissed women off screen. come on

ODO DRINKING HIMSELF!!! HELLO?

garak getting racially profiled and jumped in his little shop :(

and then we get to WORF……………tbh i was so worried about him changing the atmosphere and i really liked how the atmosphere was already. but the s4 atmosphere is already different in a great way. it was a serious episode w a serious plot yet i was giggling nonstop. and klingon stuff is SO dry on tng and so lively on ds9. idk why i was worried. i am very sad they prince zuko'd him again though

also, the wof/obrien tng reunion…….besties :')

ALSO lol when he ordered prune juice and quark laughed at him and worf gave him the look. this is the most i have liked quark in like an entire season i'm so afraid something bad will happen and ruin it

the dax/worf comes on a little strong ESPECIALLY when i am still sooo :( over no riker e worf e deanna content but they ARE fun to watch. dax seems like a natural choice too since curzon was buddies with so many klingons, i just wish she was SLIGHTLY less forward...this is his first episode...give it time to breathe. maybe odo/kira and bashir/garak has just got me stuck on slow burns for ds9

i do like worf's position here too…he's always stuck in the middle of klingon and starfleet bullshit. it sucks that he got racially profiled YET AGAIN but at least sisko was like "and you absolutely do NOT have to do this" instead of putting on the pressure like picard talking to a bajoran. also, him starting a bar fight on purpose was great

worf and odo conversation………..theyre gonna be so grumpy w each other and i cannot wait

i missed gowran. his eyes are so huge. i didn't always really care when he showed up in tng but somehow he and his enormous eyes have become really special to me. same genre of character as dukat i think

at first i thought sisko was dadding worf a little and maybe he was a TINY bit but i also think it's nice that he's just seeing himself in worf and trying to help him out. i liked all of their conversations a lot because sometimes people are weird about worf being klingon and sisko was actually totally normal and respectful about it. he would never be like worf kill yourself. never.

sisko was SO good in this ep i love when he bends the rules also. getting measured for a new suit and letting garak overhear shit on purpose is very clever but at the same time he's not even trying to be subtle. he knows the right thing to do isn't always following the rule book and he's not even pretending he can do both. unlike PICARD. i think he went bald to flex on picard actually like he does do it better love and light to sir patrick stewart

bashir advising his little guys in the infirmary…please he's so in charge. i also loved him and odo very earnestly wishing each other safety int eh upcoming attack. THEY'RE FRIENDS!!!!!

dukat and sisko were gay this whole episode. i think very seriously there should be a sisko/dukat movement just like there's a bashir/garak movement. i didn't think much of dukat first but i like him more every time i see him. he's just really funny and also gay

quark and garak talking about the cloying qualities of humanity over root beer ??? that was also gay. again, quark in this episode…a breath of fresh air. for once he's just being the fun kind of horrible. also when he wanted to defend his bar and rom stole his weapon lol "i will kill him" "with what?" i love odo sm

i love that kira pointed out the irony of her saving and GETTING STABBED for the cardassian government. times have CHANGED WORF LOOKS GREAT IN RED! he's not head of security anymore but i like that he gets a thinker's job…"worf is a big ugly dumb brute" jokes were OLD AND TIRED on tng!!!

anyway, s4 seems amazing so far. it's almost everything i already liked about ds9 but much more serious and funny at the same time. i will miss the post-war atmosphere since we're not mid-war again but i am really excited to see where it goes

TONIGHT: voy's "non sequitur" and "twisted."

[m0mmat0rtle]

FANCY FNAF MOVIE ➵ Ch. 8

"You are just like my lawyer barbie."

Abby said as Mike led them out to his car. "Yeah... um.. Thanks for that." he added.

"It was nothing." "Yeah to you. You just threw so many legal terms and threats out at our aunt you left her speechless. No one has ever left her speechless before. You must really know your stuff." "What? Like it's hard?" Fancy replied as she tossed her hair over her shoulder with a smile.

Mike unlocked the car and they all hopped in. he noticed her book. "What were you-" He paused as he read the title. "John Wayne Gacey - thinking like a killer?" He read it quietly enough so that Abby wouldn't hear. "Why are you-" "It's for research." Fancy explained. Mike looked at the book and then up at her. His brows were knit together in confusion.

"You are weird." He said as he turned his keys in the ignition. "Now I'm reconsidering leaving you with my sister for four hours." "Oh my gosh." Fancy chuckled as she shook her head. "It's strictly for research, Mike. To catch a killer you've got to think like one. That's how I'm going to solve this case."

"Thinking like a-" He paused to look in his rearview mirror to check and see if Abby was watching or listening. She was looking out the window and playing with a stuffed bear.

Good.

"like a killer?" "Yes. well no, not exactly. But knowing how they think- how they work. What makes them tick." "And have you?" "well I've learned this. Every serial killer has a type, John Wayne Gacey had young boys, Jeffery Dahmer targeted gay men, and Ted Bundy targeted women. Even the Zodiac went after a specific type- couples. They all have a type they look for." "And what's this have to do with your case?"

"Our killer has a type as well, he goes after the defenseless." "I thought he went after children." "Yes." Fancy said, pointing a finger at him and affirming what he said. "He did, but did he go after them because they were children or because they were easy access, defenseless targets. Would he also kill an elderly person or an incapacitated person if given the chance?"

"I don't know.. Would he?" "Exactly, Mike, we don't know so we can't rule it out. Second thing, for serial killers, killing is like an itch that has to be scratched. It's like drugs for an addicts or.. Masturbation for um. Some people."

Mike's face got red. Really red.

"But once they start it, they can't stop. It's a habit they can't kick. So chances are, unless they're caught they'll kill again. Even Jeffree Dahmer said he was glad to put an end to his own horrors. Its an addiction, thus, our killer, if he is still alive, will kill again." "okay, noted, I'll be on the look out for child murders."

"final thing. Killers are narcissists and most of them think they can do just about anything without getting caught. They'll offer concerns to the community in mourning while plotting their next horrific act, and they testify and give tips to police just to get information on the case without getting too close. They think they are above the law."

He thought he was above the law when he had her tied up in a house in the middle of the woods. A house that would later burn to discard any evidence of his presence there. No stop thinking about that. It's in the past, on the back burner. This was the focus. This was the case.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

"There should be Stouffers in the fridge, heat that up around five if you don't mind for her." Fancy made a face. "What?" Mike asked. "Stouffers?" "Yeah." he said. "I'm paid barely minimum wage what do you expect?" "We will not be having Stouffers." She said, more in a whisper to Abby who giggled. "Fine do what you want just don't poison my sister." "I won't." Fancy assured him.

"I'm like the best baby sitter. Summer of 97 I made so much money watching my neighbors kids every day for the entire summer. Plus the kids loved me and called me auntie Fancy." "Is that supposed to be reassuring?" "It is reassuring." Mike chuckled, he was teasing her.

"Your little sister is in good hands, I'm like Allstate. You know? In good hands." Mike shook his head. "Lame joke." "It's okay Mike, we can't all be funny." she teased him back. "Whatever." he said as he turned to Abby and crouched down to her level. "Behave, okay?" He told her. "I always do." She said. "Unless I have a reason not to." "right." Mike said with a sigh.

"Keep her safe, okay?" he said to Fancy who smiled, not in a cocky fashion but a genuine sweet smile. Fancy knew what it was like to be that little girl on the verge of danger. With others worrying about you constantly. She would never let anyone else feel what she had felt, the fear, the raw terror, the unknowing if you'll see your parents again, your friends, any of your loved ones.

No one should have to deal with that, especially not another innocent little girl. "I will keep her safe, Mike. I promise." He didn't know the weight of what she was saying, he didn't know the history behind her words- her lore. But he didn't have to. The look in her eyes said it all. It had all the sincerity she meant to convey without saying a word.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

"Watcha drawing?"

Fancy asked as she sat down next to Abby as she colored a picture in front of the tv playing Tom and Jerry. Fancy remembered this episode from when she was young, Tom or Jerry- she couldn't remember which one- had flooded the kitchen by leaving the sink running, and now they had opened the fridge and the entire kitchen floor was covered with ice. The two cartoon characters skidded across the slick icy surface as they chased one another, the basis of the show. The chase. The adrenaline. Tom slammed into a wall and screamed. Abby giggled.

"I'm drawing my friends." She said as she finished coloring in her hair, a deep brown color. "What are their names?" "I dunno." "You don't know their names?" Abby shook her head. It was an odd response, sure, Fancy knew the names of all her friends back at home. But she gave Abby the benefit of the doubt, there were people that Fancy had met in her classes, her lectures. People she got along with and only talked to about things relevant to class and she couldn't recite their names to save her life.

"Who's that one?" Fancy asked as she pointed at the one Abby was adding her finishing touches to. "That's me, silly." Abby replied. "Oh of course, I see it now." Fancy replied with a nod. "And this one?" "That's Mike." "This one?" "That's you!" "Aw, Abby you didn't have to draw me." "I wanted to." She said.

"How many of these friends do you have?" "Five." five? A coincidence, surely. Pure coincidence. Fancy refused to let it affect her or her investigation. Coincidence. The sound of metal churning against metal caused the two girls to turn their heads in the direction of the front door. A lock unlocking. "Mike!" Abby said as she jumped up and her brother stepped in through the doorframe.

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[teethw0lf]

I had the horrific idea to get high and write about Mista and Narancia getting high using a concept I had already joked about with a friend and this is how it turned out. I wrote it in notes app so I’ll just copy and paste it 💀.

Pizza Heroes

Five edibles. Five. One two three four five. That was the bet. If Mista and Narancia could not finish watching “Low Quality Family Guy Memes” without even so much as cracking a tiny baby smile. The tiniest of all smiles ever in the whole world. They’d have to wake up in the morning and take 5 edibles or more. They’d never done more. But they did today. Fuck them. They were underestimating their power. They were gonna prove them wrong so good. Holy fuck LMAO.

So it was five. That was the requirement. But no. What they took was 10.

Narancias muscles had just started to go on strike just as the both of them got epic fnaf ninja mr. beast jumpscared by Mistas phone. It was loud as all hell and it almost had a rude ass tone to its voice, like it was going “HEY YOU PIECE OF ASS POTHEADS PICK UP NOW.” so naturally mista picked it up, while Narancia stared on in bewilderment only properly described by a cursed emoji reaction image from the depths of Gen Z Pinterest.

“Oh hell- nah. Oh sorry haha. No I was talking to somebody else. Um I’m sick. Cmon- dude ok alright uh. Ok.”

Mista hung up.

He faced Narancia with a look of horror.

They faced eachother with a look of horror.

Only properly described by two cursed emoji reaction images from the depths of Gen Z Pinterest.

Oh god oh fuck.

“Narancia we gotta go to work dude.”

They weren’t even all the way high yet but the thoughts in their brains were already falling out of their nostrils and also ear holes as soon as they formulated, leaving no time and no ability to maintain a proper conversation with anything and anyone. Including the house fly that was annoying them.

“Hey MOTHERFUCKER”

Narancia threw a gnarly punch at the fly but it landed on mistas huge tit.

“AAAAUUUGGGGHHHHHHH’!!!!!!!!!”

He threw his hands up in agony like that one cursed emoji reaction image gif thing where the emoji disintegrates away while holding its hands up and making a face of true and utter distraught.

“Sorry bro. There was a fly.”

They managed to drive to work by sheer luck and sheer luck alone. Narrowly missing a cruel and painful death several times over and somehow not really realizing it unless the other car honked then it was “WOAH FUCK!!!!!”

Dominoes

Expensive ass overrated pizza. Mista and Narancia thought their pizza was just any ass pizza and that that good and definately not $45 for like a medium pizza or something fuck them. But they worked there so whatever.

After clocking in, the two of them put on their dominoes pizza hats with the anime lines behind them and victorious and suspenseful music playing and they grasped each others hands in camaraderie and best friendship and possibly maybe a homestuck romance reference or something really fucking nerdy and cringe and gay like that and they posted up behind the counter. Alone as the fly in Narancia and Mistas house thought it was when Narancia punched it into a tit that must have been like a gigantic and majestic mountain to that tiny little fly. Death by boob mountain. That is hilarious Narancia decided and he randomly doubled over and lost his shit laughing. He could not hold it in. He could not even try to hold it in. He couldn’t. It just came out like vomit except it was laughing. What was he laughing about? Idk honestly I myself can’t remember what I just wrote so you put two and two together okay? Ok.

Narancias laughing made Mista start laughing too.

“Bro stop that you’re making me laugh”

He said with a breathless “heeheehaahaa”

Omfg he sounded just like a donkey.

Narancia was laughing like that chimpanzee at the campfire named Sugriva when asked “is it dinner time”

“Hey mista. If you had a fursona do you think it would be a donkey?” He asked, giggling.

“A donkey? Fucking why.”

Mista asked pretending to be offended because technically he was being called an ass. But ass is a butt and that’s fucking hilarious oh my gods.

The gods are probably shaking their heads at them right now as they stand there making stupid jokes and forgetting what they were supposed to do right here and now. Unbeknownst to them both they are ignoring several orders and are both standing behind the cash register and 4 people have come and and then left after seeing these weirdo loser furries talk about their fursonas.

“Mine would be a chIIIMP-“ Narancia couldn’t finish that last sentence before he started laughing again and it forced the tail end of his sentence to get all loud and yelly. Fuck chimps are so fucking funny. They are so fucking silly and they make loud screaming sounds and it’s hilarious.

“Nah!! Chimps are scary! Buff as hell. Stronger than any man.” Said Mista.

“I’m hungry” said Narancia.

“Oh wait FUCK OH SHIT.”

They both turned their heads so fast the air went through their ears and made a SHOOSH sound.

They’ve been sitting here ignoring 10 orders.

Mista and Narancia scramble into the kitchen like shaggy and scooby doo. Or more like shaggy and shaggy because they are both human men and not a dog. Mista pulls out his Bluetooth speaker and it starts playing his playlist for work. They are not actually allowed to do this but nobody is here not even a manager so fuck those bitches.

They make artful and beautiful pizzas. Narancia sways back and fourth while putting toppings on his pizza to Slow Dancing In The Dark by Joji.

The music fills him with such a floaty and blue emotion. Oh it was so pretty. And sad. Slow dancing is such a pretty name for a song. Slow dancing in the dark. That was just classically romantic and so so lovely. It was roses and dewdrops and a faun stumbling in the rain with an arrow in its back.

Damn it NO this fic is supposed to be funny, Narancia thought, the fourth wall being held in his determined and angry grasp and shaken by the throat. This will NOT become an angsty crush fic.

But then, suddenly, Mista turned around to face Narancia and he said “I want to talk to you about something I saw the other day and it’s really interesting and cool.”

Narancia nodded. Still schmoovin except the song has changed to “Fourth Of July” by Sufjan Stevens.

“No what change the song Mista this song makes my eyes water.”

“I was trying to tell you something hold on-“

“Mista my heart is SENSITIVE AND MUSHY!!!!”

“Okay okay fine”

“Alright tell me”

“Okay Narancia so there is this thing called homestuck-“

Narancia was trying to listen to Mista but he was too busy on trying to make sure the pizza didn’t look like it was made by a person who was extremely high. Oh shit. What if they could tell based off of the pepperoni symmetry.

The phone started ringing. Oh fuck. Oh shit. Wait how long have we been making these pizzas. Just two pizzas. No way….an hour? Oh fuck. No no no.

He picked up the phone.

“This is Pizza”

They hung up.

Mista was laughing at him.

“Mista we are going to get fucking fired I’m so scared bro I’m so fufkced I’m so fucked oh fuck.”

Mista was reminded of the vine with the kid slamming the oven to the beat while his dad plays the horn and they are wearing sunglasses. He thinks about imitating the horn tune and slamming the oven to the beat like the video to make Narancia laugh and stop getting scared, but he didn’t wanna break the oven. What if he was accidentally too rough. So he just went

“Doodoodoodoodoodoodooodoodoofooodoodoodoo”

“Mista what are you doing. Holy fuck we have like. A million orders.”

Narancia started shaking his hands next to his head and pacing and sobbing and crying.

Mista didn’t like seeing Narancia cry! Oh no? His friend. He had to create a distraction. Woah man his muscles were totally not having it. His brain was just a big playdough mound bumpin around in his skull. It was like he was made out of lead. His tounge and his fingers were getting numb and tingly. Yo he was SO high. Woah. Uh oh. Oh no.

Right distraction.

“Okay Narancia so like listen this might make you feel better. So theres this thing called homestuck and there are humans and trolls and they play a game. And theres different kinds of romance but I can’t remember the one that makes me feel about-“

Oh fuck he almost said ‘you’. Narancia can’t know that Mista was totally mega cringe down for him?!!!!!!!

“About this person I think is pretty cute and stuffs.”

His story was not helping Narancia. In fact he was sitting on the floor rocking back and fourth and sobbing but almost completely silent with his mouth hanging open and his eyes squeezed shut like he’s a toddler that fell down and it hurt. The door rang. Oh shit. He tried to pretend like Narancia wasn’t losing his mind behind the counter.

It was Trish.

“Why the fuck are you guys at work like this.”

“Because they wouldn’t let me call out big cheese says I’ll get a write up.”

“You guys look like you’re totally pulling this off and having absolutely no problems. Where is Narancia.”

Trish looked like an emotion Mista couldn’t comprehend. Like dorcelessness. Or maybe she was being sarcastic. Shit was he autistic?

Narancia tried to say “I’m here.” from behind the counter but he only made a sad sobbing sound.

Trish peeked from around the corner at him and he almost got ejected from his body.

“AAAUGH!!!”

he sounded just like Darwin from the amazing world of gumball.

Oh fuck his heart. It was so fast. Holy shit he can’t swallow. It’s like he can’t swallow what if he starts choking. What he he has a SEIZURE!! oh-

“Mista I think Narancia needs to go home.”

Trish poked Narancia like he was a roadkill.

“I need to go to the hospital guys. Can you overdose on weed? I think I’m dying. PleSe don’t let me die.”

“No you can’t overdose on weed, Narancia, oh my fuck- Mista. MISTA.”

Mista was thinking about troll romance.

Then Fugo walked in.

“Did you get the pizza or what it’s been fucking 35 mins- oh my fucking god why are you guys at work.”

“Fugo please tell Trish I could be having heart failure!!!!”

Narancia wailed.

Trish rolled her eyes so hard that it looked like it hurt and it probably did because she rubbed them after.

“Oh god you guys I swear I’m not crazy. Was our shit LACED!?”

Fugo scoffed “no you fucking idiot you took ten fucking edibles that’s what’s going on here.”

“Fugooooo” Narancia wailed.

Trish and Fugo looked at Mista who was staring off into space still standing behind the counter and thinking about troll romance. He couldn’t wait to tell his friends all about this new cool and very much brand new thing called homestuck.

Fugo leaned over to see the absolute state the kitchen was in. As expected there was a burnt pizza in the oven and a pizza that was halfway made and stil frozen halfway falling off the counter. The speaker was playing “DICKE TITTEN” by Rammstein. Ah hell yeah. This was fugos groove he loved pissed sounding German men singing industrial metal.

[moon-spirit-yue]

It's Not Living (if it's Not With You)

Chapter 1: Raya Ran into Some Complications

(TW WARNING!!!!!! This mini series is based heavily on the show Criminal Minds so if murder mysteries and descriptions of that sort of thing are not for you, just don’t read this fic. It’s not like my other fics where I let you know of a small uncomfortable part. I really don’t want to make this fic too horrific and gory, but it will get dark. Basically, if you can get though an episode of Criminal Minds this fic will be fine. These sorts of topics are not for everyone so please just be aware of this if you choose to proceed)

“Please don’t hurt me this way! I have a wife! And a sweet baby boy! How could you be so cruel?!” Raya whimpered, turning her head away from the monster that was trying to torture her.

“God, you are so dramatic,” Noi snorted without looking up from her book. 

“Okay first of all, your “wife” does not count, and second, you don’t have any kids,” Tong began before getting cut off.

“Objection! Tuk Tuk is my beautiful son and I don’t appreciate you acting like he isn’t,” Raya huffed. “And I am married! Sisu and I have the certificate framed and everything! What’s with the judgement? Is it because we’re gay?” 

“I’m pretty sure the judgement is coming from the fact that you two only got married to get grant money for college,” Boun laughed.

“And who the hell asked you, twerp?” Raya glared.

“Your dog and sham marriage do not count,” Tong sighed.

“You know, you’re being awfully negative to someone who literally got shot at this morning,” Raya grumbled as she reluctantly opened her eyes.

“Yeah well, the unsub missed and honestly? I’m kinda wishing he met his mark. Now wake up,” the unit chief scowled. 

“Oh please! We’re the smallest unit in the BAU! If I get shot and go out of commission we’d literally have no choice but to dissolve and relocate to other units,” Raya scoffed. “And you know that Noi despises change.”

“It’s true. My mother used a different kind of cereal to feed me as kid because my usual stuff was out of stock and I protested by refusing to eat breakfast until I got my cereal back,” Noi confirmed.

“And you call me dramatic,” Raya laughed.

The bickering continued like it always did until they finally landed back in Quantico, their beloved home base. The quartet wearily got off the plane single file and entered the FBI building. It was long a flight and they were all ready to crash.

“Hello my dazzling little agents! How is everyone?” Sisu greeted them once they got on their floor.

“Feeling like I’m about to pass out. The guy was maniac. I mean, who carries three guns on their person at all times? Even for a serial killer, it’s a tad excessive,” Boun groaned.

“I do not envy any of you. It’s bad enough I have to see the crime photos, I could not imagine having to see the guy that caused them, let alone capture him,” Sisu shivered.

“This job is certainly not for the faint of heart,” Tong confirmed.

That was the understatement of the year. 

“Agreed. Hey Sisu, can you drive me? If I go behind the wheel I’m scared I’ll fall asleep,” Raya asked.

“Anything for the wife!” Sisu laughed. Boun and Noi had small smiles on their faces as Tong loudly sighed in displeasure.

“The sanctity of marriage is wasted on you people!” Tong declared.

“We’ll get a divorce one day, don’t worry sir,” Raya giggled.

“A man can only dream. Alright, before we all disperse, I do want to say that you all truly outdid yourselves this past week. The unsub did his damn hardest to shake us off, but we managed to pull through. I really am proud of how this team has grown,” Tong said.

The other four agents beamed at his words. As much as the whole team likes picking on each other at every possible opportunity, they really did care about each other and yearned for their boss’s approval. The next words he said were not nearly as uplifting.

“We’re going to need to get in here early tomorrow. We’re all behind on some important documents that have to get on my desk by the end of the month,” the unit chief stated with a stern look on his face. 

“Boooooo!” Boun groaned. 

“Dang it, I thought he forgot about that,” Noi mumbled.

Raya just decided to stick with her classic pout. She’s getting too tired to talk.

“On that note, I’m going home to my wife, that I married for the right reasons,” Tong said, shooting a look at Raya and Sisu. 

The other four then went their separate ways, mumbling some tired goodbyes and see you tomorrows. Sisu had to practically drag Raya to her car and shoved her in. 

“At least stay awake until we get home,” Sisu sighed while starting the car.

“Can we just go to your place for night? Tuk Tuk’s already there and it’s closer,” Raya mumbled.

Tuk Tuk always stayed with Sisu when Raya was out on assignments so she really didn’t feel like relocating him tonight. Plus, she had a good portion of her stuff at Sisu’s anyways.

“I had a feeling you’d say that. Your bed is already made,” Sisu laughed.

“Have I told you that I literally love you?” the agent yawned.

“It certainly wouldn’t hurt me to hear it more often,” Sisu laughed. 

“Oh, do you still need help dying your roots?” Raya asked. 

She was now vaguely remembering Sisu asking for her help at some point when she was out on her previous assignment. Considering the fact that some dude with mommy issues damn near killed her, the text was shoved in the back of Raya’s mind for a hot minute.  

“Yeah, but let’s save that for tomorrow. I don’t think you can be trusted with anything permanent right now,” her best friend said, side eyeing how Raya was nodding off.

It took everything in her to muster up the strength to give Sisu a thumbs up, so that’s probably for the best. Raya’s pretty sure she did fall asleep during the brief car ride because she blinked and bam! There was Sisu’s house.

“Carry me,” Raya demanded, slumped over.

“Oh my god,” Sisu groaned

After much pulling and tugging on Sisu’s part, they made it through the front door and was greeted by Tuk Tuk’s little yips of happiness. Raya grinned the second she saw her fluffy puppy and began pressing kisses on his furry face.

“I missed you, my beautiful baby! Oh yes I did! Yes I did!” Raya cooed as her precious pup licked her cheek.

“I’m gonna turn in. Anything you need?” Sisu asked her.

“Uh, can you drop Tuk and I off at our house before work? I just got the notification that my package got delivered and it is dangerously unsupervised right now. Other than that I’m good,” Raya explained.

“That’s fine. See you tomorrow, bestie. Love you! And I love you too Tuk!” Sisu said while scratching his fluffy ears.

“We love you too. Night!” Raya waved as she walked into her designated room.

She kicked off her shoes and changed her clothes before immediately flopping on the bed. Raya heard Tuk Tuk jump on the bed and snuggled right next to her. She multitasked by using one hand to pet her dog and the other to text her father she’s back in Quantico, safe and sound. 

One of the major downsides of this job is knowing her father is going into cardiac arrest whenever a case pops up. He tried to convince her for weeks not to take the job but alas, her mind was made up. So then Benja decided to force to send texts when she left for a case and when she came back. Raya carelessly tossed her phone on the other side of the bed once the message was sent and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

****************************

The best way to wake up is seeing Tuk Tuk’s adorable face right beside her. Man, she missed this dog. 

Raya had to speed through her morning routine to get out the door at a reasonable hour. Ushering Sisu to get moving, Raya and Tuk Tuk were already waiting in her car by the time she got in.

“You know, you’re a lot less pushy when you’re tired,” Sisu huffed while driving off.

“It’s not my fault someone’s stealing packages from people’s doorsteps!” Raya exclaimed.

“You’re a profiler, catch them!” Sisu snapped.

“Too busy tracking down serial killers, thank you,” Raya told her.

“I hope you have an extra load of paperwork to finish,” Sisu glared.

“You are so hateful in the morning,” Raya frowned. 

They made it to Raya’s front door with no serious injuries, so she grabbed Tuk Tuk and made her way home.

“Do you want me to wait for you?” Sisu yelled.

“I’m good! See you in the office!” Raya yelled back.

Her beloved wife nodded and proceeded to drive to work. Raya turned her attention to where her packages get dropped off at. 

She absolutely beamed at seeing her mail sitting there, unstolen by the neighborhood thief. Raya grabbed the package and tapped the passcode lock combo to let herself and Tuk in.

Raya awkwardly opened the door to let Tuk Tuk in first and kicked her package in the house. Stumbling in herself, she gave the house a quick clean from it’s lack of use. Once Raya finished eating cereal straight from the box, she was already back out the door.

“Tuk Tuk, take care of the house for me while I’m gone, will ya?” Raya asked the little pup. He gave a bark in response which in Raya’s mind meant he totally agreed to her task. 

“I love you bud! See you tonight!” Raya said before locking up her house and getting into her car.

The FBI building wasn’t that far away but of course it was far away enough to hit some major morning traffic. Patience isn’t exactly where Raya shines. She didn’t even have the time to go to her favorite coffee place.

Finally, she was able to make her exit and entered the building of her workplace. She walked up to her desk to be greeted with Boun and Noi arguing over what case they think will be chosen next.

“I’m telling you, those murders down in Texas have to be serial! There’s just too many gun related deaths!” Noi exclaimed. 

“No way, there’s several missing people in North Carolina that have never returned for the past couple weeks! Oh Raya, you’re here! Hey, which case do you think is the next one?” Boun asked as she plopped into her small cubicle.

“No clue. Have either of you guys started your paperwork just at a curiosity?” Raya asked, pulling over her papers. 

Noi and Boun looked at each other guiltily before scrambling to get their own papers out. Raya snorted and shook her head before focusing in on her own work. Those two remind her of actual kids and the fact that they’re both younger than her doesn’t help.

The day was an uncommonly quiet one. Tong summoned them all near the end of it to discuss the files they had to get through in one of the meeting rooms.

“We did make good progress on what we finished today, but there’s still a hell of a lot more to be done. I highlighted which ones are top priority and we need to-” Tong began but was cut off by a random voice.

“SSA Spine, I’m very sorry to interrupt, but someone needs to speak to one of your agents,” the person told them.

“Did any of you have plans for company?” Tong asked with a raised brow. 

The other four agents shook their head while giving each other looks. Who on earth could be looking for one of them? 

“Well which agent do they need? And who’s asking?” Tong questioned further.

“Oh, Virana Fang wanted to speak with Agent Heart,” the woman said.

Raya’s blood somehow chilled and boiled at the same time. Seriously, Virana? Of all the fucking people that could meet with her? 

“Isn’t she like, a big time attorney? Raya, did you get into someone legal trouble?” Boun asked with furrowed brows.

“No, no I did not get into legal troubles. We know each other from uh, I guess when I was in college. And let me tell you, she is not a fan of mine. The fact that she’s here is honestly making me feel rather nervous,” Raya frowned. 

“Oh my god, I remember her! Man, she did not like you,” Sisu scoffed.

“Did Mrs. Fang say what exactly she wanted?” Tong asked.

“No, all she said was that it was urgent,” the woman answered.

“Do you want to tell her you aren’t available? I’m not entirely sure what’s going on but I can see your hackles raised, Raya,” Tong said with concern. Raya stood up from her chair.

“There’s no point. The woman’s relentless. If she says she wants to see me, she will see me. I have a feeling I am not going to like this conversation,” the agent sighed as she reluctantly followed the woman.

“Do you want one of us to come with you?” Noi inquired.

“That’s fine. I can take her in a fight,” Raya joked as she left the room. 

Once the door got closed behind her, she allowed the dread to kick. Tong was right, her hackles were raised. What the hell could Virana possibly want with her? 

Raya’s arms were crossed and her jaw clenched as she approached Virana. Oh, how Raya loathed her regal, menacing face. The older woman looked professional and impeccable as Raya has always known her to be. Never a speck of dirt on her clothes nor a strand of her hair out place. Confidence and ferocity ooze from her every pore, ready to suffocate anyone that tries to challenge her. This is how Virana Fang presents herself. 

But the Virana Fang Raya is currently looking at doesn’t have the usual intensity she frequently possesses. Instead she looks around anxiously, like something terrible is about to happen. The agent can’t find it in herself to feel any sort of sympathy for this woman. 

“Virana Fang. Why have you come to haunt me on this otherwise peaceful afternoon?” Raya drawled. Mrs. Fang almost seemed startled to find Raya standing right in front of her.

“I do not have time for your typical unnecessary remarks. Look, I want to keep this as short as possible. The bottom line is, I need your help,” Virana whispered quickly.

“I’m sorry, you need my help? Me? Raya Heart? My help?” Raya asked, utterly baffled. Virana stiffly nodded in response. 

Raya blinked once. Twice. Three times. Then she smiled. A smile turned to a laugh. What kind of bullshit is she playing at?

“Does it sound like I’m joking? What punchline did I just deliver?” the woman hissed. 

“Oh come on, I’m sure even you can see the irony in this? I mean you asked for my help, Mrs. Fang! God that’s hilarious!” Raya laughed. She honestly can’t take this situation seriously. “You know, it’s probably best if you just go. I thought I could get through this conversation but I think I overestimated myself. Please, have the day you deserve.”

Raya shook her head and turned away but the other woman’s hand stopped Raya. The agent looked back and saw how desperate Virana really looked. Before the agent could respond, Virana decided to speak words that alarmed her even more.

“Listen, I am well aware that in a perfect world, we never see each other again, but this world is not perfect. In a perfect world, my daughter would not be in danger,” Virana hissed in a frenzy.

This conversation could not get any more insane. What on earth was going on with Namaari? If Raya had any doubts about helping the lawyer, they were all gone now.

While her and Namaari weren’t exactly having sleepovers and braiding each other’s hair, Raya still cares about her. Plus, Namaari was certainly in better standing with her than Virana. (Then again, the raccoon that dug around in Raya’s trash last week was in better standing with her than Virana so that didn’t really mean much.)

“Fine, I’ll bite. Why is Namaari in danger?” Raya asked with annoyance. 

“Because a serial killer is after her. That’s why I came to you, considering the fact that catching them is your job,” the older told her in a low voice.

The agent’s jaw dropped. A serial killer? After Namaari? Well, to be fair, Namaari is a lawyer so it’s entirely possible a client is out for revenge? 

“How can you be so sure? I assume you came with evidence because this is not something I can just take your word for,” Raya managed to ask.

“Of course I came with proof, but I would prefer to speak of this in a more private setting,” Virana requested. First reasonable thing she’s said since she got here.

“Follow me,” the agent relented. Raya spend up the stairs to the conference room her team was in with Virana hot on her heels. 

“Hey, sir, can I use your office really quickly? It’s important,” Raya asked while gesturing to Virana.

“Of course,” Tong nodded while giving the two of them a suspicious glance. She is so getting interrogated when this conversation is over.

Raya then walked to Tong’s office and closed the door behind her once Virana stepped in. The agent sat on the little couch in the office with crossed arms.

“Lay it on me, Fang. Why do you think a serial killer is coming for Namaari?” Raya asked. 

Virana opened her briefcase and pulled out two envelopes. She handed them both to Raya. 

“Just look at the cases with those two girls that have unfortunately passed away. I’m sure you’ll realize I’m right,” Virana said while sitting on the chair across from her.

The lawyer said it in such a haughty way that it made Raya really hope that there isn’t a case for more than just Namaari’s safety. The agent took the two envelopes from her and opened the first one.

The first girl’s name was Anchali Chakan. She was born in Nebraska, moved to New York when she was ten, then transferred to a college in Maryland where she’s lived ever since. She got married only three months ago to her long time girlfriend, now wife. Or, now widow. A relatively normal upbringing from what Raya can tell. She had dreams of being an artist and made some very impressive pieces before her passing. Now that Raya knows the basics about this girl, it’s time to get into the actual crime that was committed.

Yikes. That is the first word that comes into her mind when she saw the picture of this woman’s untimely death. Raya doesn’t care how many cases she comes across, she will never get over all the horrible ways people kill. 

The murder happened in her house on March 1st. The place where she’s meant to feel safest. There was bruises around Anchali’s neck, an obvious sign of strangulation. Medical reports say that her windpipe got crushed which was the cause of her death. But alas, the atrocities did not stop there. There was an arrow that went straight through her neck. The only thing that made that detail a little less horrific was the fact that the arrow was stabbed into her neck post mortem. Raya cringed, shook her head, and went on to the second case.

The second woman is Cai Lan. She grew up in New York and stayed there until her last days. Unlike Anchali, Cai was born into poverty and had to claw her way out. She had been a foster kid since she was five, homeless for a period time in her late teens, went into massive debt getting into college, and had to live in an RV until three years ago. Cai did manage to make her way into upper society by scoring a manager position at a financial firm.

Cai’s murder occurred exactly one month after the first one, April 1st. It took place in Cai’s home just like Anchali’s. Again, just like Anchali’s murder, Cai was also strangled to death and ended up with an arrow through her neck post mortem. Looking closer at the arrow, Raya was disturbed to find that there was a heart at the front of the arrow. She glanced back at Anchali’s crime scene and found the heart was at the front of her arrow as well. 

Was the killer trying to imitate cupid’s bow? Ah, shit. This case is one hundred percent serial. But Raya still can’t see the connection with Namaari.

“I will give credit where credit is due, this is a serial case. Even though it crosses state lines, the signature is way too specific to be the average murder. I still don’t understand what this has to do with Namaari, though,” Raya sighed, looking up at Virana.

“Both of these girls are Namaari’s ex-girlfriends. Their break ups were very friendly and the two of them stayed in contact with Namaari after their relationships had ended. It’s how she became aware of their passing,” Virana said. 

For the first time since she entered the office, Virana had a mournful look on her face. Raya may have actually found it in her to feel bad for her but there was a very serious problem at hand. Then the attorney handed Raya another envelope, though this one was much smaller.

The very stressed agent opened it up and felt all color drain from her face. There was two plastic baggies with strands of hair. One strand of hair was significantly lighter than the other.

“Please tell me these weren’t mailed to you,” Raya begged, looking up at her. Virana’s grim face told her everything she needed to know.

“Two days after Anchali was killed, we got this bag with the light brown hair. News of her death hadn’t reached us yet, so we weren’t quite sure what to make of it and sent it to the police for investigation and figured out who it belonged to. Same thing with Cai,” Virana told her.

Wordlessly, the agent pulled out her phone to check the date. All the color drained from her face when she saw that today’s date is May 1st. 

“Follow me, we don’t have much time,” Raya commanded.

Raya gathered all of the evidence presented and all but sprinted out of the room. The older woman quickly followed suit. The two of them barreled into the conference office where her teammates were sitting. They all flinched when Raya tossed all the information of this new case on the desk. 

“Listen up people, we have to get through this quickly. Here you see two girls going by the names of Anchali Chakan and Cai Lan. The connection between their murders is the fact that they were both in a romantic relationship with Namaari Fang. They both died from strangulation. Part of the unsub’s signature is to put an arrow through their victim’s neck after they passed,” Raya said, talking a mile a minute.

“So it’s personal. Is, is that a heart at the tip of the bow?” Noi frowned, pulling the photo closer to her.

“Yeah, I think it’s supposed to reference Cupid’s bow. Namaari also received a strand of both the women’s hair two days after they were killed. These murders occurred on the first of March and April. Considering the fact that today is May 1st...,” Raya trailed off.

“We need to act now. I don’t like the fact that she’s been getting gifts or that the unsub knows where she lives. No need to bother collaborating with any local PD, this crosses state lines so we have full jurisdiction,” Tong began, explaining what he’s read in the files. “It’s safe to say that the unsub is targeting those who have had a romantic relationship with Namaari. They’ve also been going in order of who Namaari dated. She was with Chakan from eighth to ninth grade and then Cai from eleventh to twelfth grade. Mrs. Fang, was Namaari with anyone in the time period between Ms. Chakan and Ms. Lan?”

“Uh, kind of. After her break up with Anchali, I got word she did date a couple of other girls but they were just attempts at forming a relationship. Her next real girlfriend was Cai,” Virana answered immediately.

“Okay, looks like the unsub focuses on official relationships. Who did Namaari date after Ms. Lan?” Tong asked.

Raya could have sworn that Virana eyes landed on her before returning to focus on Tong. Must have been a trick of the light.

“From what I’m aware of, the only other girlfriend she had is her now fiancé, Jintara Niran,” Virana told him.

“But you’re not sure?” Tong pressed.

“No, I’m not,” the lawyer confirmed.

“First, please write down your daughter’s address. I take it her and her fiancé live together?” Tong asked. Virana nodded and hastily wrote it down. 

“Perfect. Now I need you to call your daughter and ask if she has had any other serious girlfriend between Ms. Lan and her fiancé and that she needs to be completely honest. If we’re right, she could very well be killed tonight,” Tong instructed. 

Virana turned rather pale at the last statement but nodded nonetheless. She walked out of the room and grabbed her phone, calling her daughter outside. Tong turned to the rest of the group with a serious look in his eyes.

“Okay, Sisu, you head to the computers and start sending police to stand guard at Ms. Fang’s and Ms. Niran’s house right now. If Mrs. Fang is right, the unsub is going for Niran next,” Tong began, but Sisu was practically out the door by the time he was finished with his sentence.

“Boun, I want you to just get to their address and kick start the process of asking them questions. Plus, I want one of our people to be with them as soon as possible,” Tong told him.

“On it!” Boun confirmed, launching himself out of his seat.

“Noi, stay with Virana and get whatever else you can out of her while simultaneously giving her some comfort. I’ll head out to the local PD where they live. It’s only two hours away but we should set up shop there anyways. Two hours can easily be the difference between life and death,” the agent told the only girls left.

“You got it boss man!” Noi nodded.

“And Raya, you know those case files I had you look at for review?” Raya nodded, causing Tong to continue. “I want you to get those files then head to the local PD with Boun. There’s a case in there similar to this one so we can get a better idea of how to handle this.”

“Understood, sir. I’ve got it covered,” Raya told him while rushing to get out of the room. 

Holy shit. Someone has been killing Namaari’s ex girlfriends. This was not on Raya’s 2023 bingo card.

As Raya glided down the stairs, she passed by both Noi and Virana conversing. Before she could leave the floor, Virana spoke to her.

“Ms. Heart!” the lawyer exclaimed. 

“What is it?” Raya asked anxiously.

“Please, just be careful,” Virana almost begged. Ah hell, that is so weird.

“Of course. I always am,” Raya told her confidently. With that, Raya turned around and dashed out of there.

The agent all but sprinted to her car. Once the car started, she began driving like a bat out of hell to get to her house. Because what on god’s green earth is happening right now?

When Raya got back home, she didn’t even bother locking her car before throwing her front door open.

Raya stood at the door for a moment, completely forgetting where she put the files. Then her brain started working again and she remembered that she shoved them underneath the dryer.

As Raya walked towards the kitchen, something made her pause. Is, is something burning?

Side tracked from her original mission, she found that the stove was turned on. That shouldn’t be possible. It wasn’t turned on this morning when she first got here and Raya’s breakfast was cereal straight from the bag. She did not touch the oven.

Tuk Tuk then made his entrance by running right by Raya and her fears quickly disappeared. Her big old dog probably accidentally knocked into the stove and turned it on. It has happened before. 

“Hey bud. Were you trying to make some dinner for yourself while I was gone? I should probably feed you anyways,” Raya smiled, giving him a light scratch on the ears. Before Raya could blink, she was pinned against the wall by someone wearing a mask.

It took a couple seconds before she realized that this masked man now had their hands wrapped around Raya’s throat, slowly squeezing the life right out of her. 

[weeswine]

Stuff I have noticed watching ST season 4 for the 5th or something time:

(Or just my rekindling of opinions and feelings)

Lucas wasn't a back stabber, he sent Jason and the crew to El and Hops old cabin (me too busy just focusing on Lucas (he is babygirl✨️))

Eddie isn't present for like 2 episodes and that is just a big wow [also Erica, miss her :(]

That classic shot of Eddie at the d&d table is not him being a dramatic whore™, rolling dice, but actually congratulating Erica

Why is Erica wearing the flag? Like slay and also the American theme song is playing but like girl?????

Erica supports the gays ✨️ (She probably is a gay 🇺🇲🇺🇸🇺🇲🇺🇸)

Angela still deserves that skate to the head [slayed !]

Murray is slay.

Still cant look at Robins outfit from the psych ward (sorry but yeah nah)

Alexei 😫

Jason is a leader but not a responsible or smart one, like he is hunting down a couple of 20 y/os and their half a dozen 14 y/o children??? And supporting his teammates to do the same (i didnt like him before but jeez dude)

also you can see his style of leadership of basketball and children hunting have some similarities sus

California Dreamin was played because ... *drumroll* THEY ARE IN CALIFORNIA!

The main group are the pick me girls of character developement (they dont develope like other characters~ they get desensitized and are used to death and gore *bites lip, tucks hair behind ear, giggles and pukes little*) but also geniuenly concerned for their sanity:

Argyle: Omg that dude dead, my 1st (?) death, the party is not here my dudes😔, wtf is happening, Ive never been through this, Im meant to deliver pizzas not dead bodies🍍🍍🍍

Byer boys + Mike: Oh my ✨️gawwdd✨️ Argyle get over it already ... like chop chop this agent died like 20 seconds ago move on !

(but they were in danger like Argyle indeed dude chop chop)

Does Yuri always just drug his coffee with sleepy pills? Like my guy thats not what coffee is meant to be used for, and the pills wouldve been low dosage cause unless Yuri is a maths wiz he wouldve been counting his mula for a while

Hop! Just dont have feet. At this point get rid of them! Get those 'orrid manky things outta 'ere!

The most horrific part of ST is not asshole Vecna and his gang, its just watching Hop get his feet dragged or him running around in the snow, no shoes, big cuts, the only thing keeping is feet on his body is Joyce, she is a super glue.

Vecna is more than just a piece of shit, hes the entire digestive system.

But him just targeting traumatised kids and touching them on the fore head, like: "Dw sweetie~ I'll fix you, shh is okay, you be nasty never again <3 Nurse Vecna will make you all better~ :)"

They are not nasty! They just been through some shit. Fuck you twerp

Freds visions with the funeral family giving ✨️Tisphone✨️ vibes ~♡

Early season 4 Mike is an asshole (dw it gets gayer *pats on head*)

Steve 🥰

Robin 😍

Nancy 😘

Eddie 🤩 (star fish boy)

Together united in harmony, they are the power Rangers💕💞✨️✨️

Dacre Montgomery (Billy) was in power Rangers (hes also aAussie which is just so oool)

Conspirewithme: #headcanons

Joyce could totally just go 1v1 brawl with the entirety of the upsidedown, Id pay to see it.

That guy who hired Robin and Steve who also worked at the arcade defo played d&d with Eddie at some point

I need to see El just have a giant therapy dog (think Perrito but Great Dame size)

Mike might be projecting Will onto El butttt he bi af, have you seen his cheekbones??? ( im watching a documentary on "Mike Gay????😱😱")

I am only up to the beggingin of episode 5, gods i hope this makes sense and im not accidently offending anyone

(Im a tag sl**)🐌

[wave2love]

U GOT ME SO IN MY MARK THOUGHTSSS i kind of came up w a little smau idea 😢😢

ok so . idol au!!! mark is a soloist and so is yn, mark’s been in the industry a while and yn has recently debuted. mark thinks mc is “like, so cool, dude” (a direct quote real not fake) and will NAWTT shut up ab him he’s literally streaming ur music on every live putting it on his ig stories adding it to all his playlists like its SERIOUS for this man. he’s on his priv twt following all the fan accs and following u on every platform and retweeting ur selcas the second u post them its a little bit embarrassing actually. and his friends r like ermm r u like.. 🏳️‍🌈 ? is this a crush situation ? so hes like Whajstt😂😂 no man i j think he’s cool lol . and his friends all sigh and pity him 🙁 #DELUSIONISREAL..

FAST FROEARDDD its been a few weeks mark is STILL in firm denial (or is j oblivious) ab his Gay Crush and then. he gets the news. you and him are set to appear on a variety show!!! TOGETHER!!!! its HORRENDOUS for him he’s panicking he’s freaking out he’s excited he STILL thinks he j really admires you and nothing more. (mark in the gc: guys is it gay if ur fave musical artist makes ur palms sweaty moms spaghetti😭😭😭 and then hyuck tells him to kill himself he’s truly fighting a losing a battle). d-day arrives he turns up on set sees u in all ur fine glory and comes to about 13 realisations in that singular moment.

he’s a MESS the whole shoot he’s giggling at every second word u say he’s complimenting u every second sentence he’s crashing and burning and twirling his hair and kicking his feet and the editors are also giggling . not bc its funny but bc of how much they’re going to RUIN HIS LIFE!!! they edit NONE of that shit out he is in the trenches. but not in a bad way everyone j knows he’s down horrifically astronomically terrifyingly bad. #LOVEISLOVE

ANR FROM THERE ITS J . SHENANIGANS!!! BEING SILLY!!!! he managed (Somehow) to get ur number after the shoot and he squeals like a little girl whenever u say hi. its bad. anyway crush crush giggle mark lee falling in love kiss kiss GAY PEOPLE! happy ending rainbows. i was thinking like choi hyunwook for the fc.. hes j loml 🙁🙁 omg and mayb rocket for the title i love that song my

ok anw gn bsf muahhhhh <3 TELL ME WHAT U THINK IF U EANT ?? but i kinda love this actually 😭 MAKRKKK MY SILLY GUY

THIS IS SO GOOD OH MY GODOODOA

giggled and kicked my feet reading this ask tbh!!!

literally do it.. no bc i acc love mark even tho i don't stan nct i just like love him he's so silly!!

do it make the smau like rn!!

[junjiie]

isa fic on jj day call that the best birthday present ever.. fave bits utc >< YOU ATE AS USUALLLL I FEEL SO WHIMSICAL AND FULL OF CHENLE LOVE

“your breath fanning against his face and your sudden closeness makes him feel dizzy.”  —  OH THAT GOTTT ME easily flustered CL.. i want to die and wrap him up in my arms and keep him forever

“your lips which just look so tempting.”  —  I will bite something. why’s he down horrendous already.. so horrifically me it’s frightening

“why did he want to chase after you like some desperate little man? why didn't he want the conversation to end?”  —  my baby 😭😭😭 this is sickening truly im gonna keel over and die

“how he felt lightheaded just by the sight of you, how you easily had his face red without having to do anything”  —  this is ltr gonna be me calling him my baby the whole time but HE ISSSSS im so sad

“you look so casual, but you seem to glow. everyone else in the room has basically become nothing, and only you matter.”  —  IM CRYINGGG he’s literally just like me @ croomf 😢

“choi taeyang rubs his temples, completely irritated by this idiotic argument.”  —  THEO SPOTTEDDDD ⁉️⁉️💯

"lee heeseung isn't apart of the school paper, he runs a barely functional gossip blog.”  —  LEE HEESEUNG MENTIONED 🧏‍♂️🧏‍♂️ not the wannabe dan humphrey..

“you pause, still giggling behind your hand as you glance over at kim minjeong.”  —  yes im gonna be doing this too WINTERRR 🤗💕🎉

“chenle can't even help his smile. oh fuck you. you're evil. you're the evilest being chenle has ever had to share a space with.  /  he doesn't want you to leave, though.”  —  do you think i wont end it all 😭 LITERALLYYYY the loml.

"you take everything out of proportion, i'm not sure you know what 'dating' looks like.”  —  READ TO FILTH i wouldn’t show my face after that one BYE

“mark is always so considerate, chenle doesn't know the last time he met a guy so nice.”  —  MARK CAMEO 😍😍

“i didn't want for you to leave anyway.”  —  JUST SAY YOU WANT HIMMM 😕😕😕

“maybe have a romantic dream about you or whatever.”  —  just gay as hell😂 (I want him.)

“jeno is jaemin’s ride or die”  —  LEE JENOOOOO ML 🫶💕

“soobin waves from behind beomgyu, a wide smile displayed on his face.”  —  ITS BIAS CITY IN HERE😭 SOOBINNNN

“his cheeks flare up, just the small confession distracting him enough, your thumb caresses the back of his palm, and the touch amplifies the red of his cheeks.”  —  [COUGHS UP BLOOD] he’s so aegipie.. i cant do this…

“you aren't doing anything, but chenle's legs feel weak”  —  im going to KILL myself.

“overtaken by the influx of your cherry flavored chapstick, his bottom lip caught between your teeth as your finger draw shapes into his hip.”  —  rolling around in bed throwing up maybe dying etcetera.. need him more than i need air to breathe

“i love you.”  /  your face lights up, cheeks flaring at the confession. you press a kiss to chenle's cheek, enamored.  /  “i love you too.”  —  THEYRE SO PERFECT I FEEL SICKKKKK

a day for love !

"so…what are we exactly?" "mortal enemies". "oh".

synopsis: zhong chenle has too much on his hands, with his musical education studies and being apart of the NCT U student body and basketball team, he has no time for any distractions, but then he meets you, cocky, flirtatious, attractive you, core member of the NCT U fencing team. he's immediately put off, taken aback my your self absorbency and sky high confidence, he finds it annoying, how you never take anything seriously. zhong chenle does not like you, he hates the way you always have his face red, how you make his legs feel weak, how you continue to run through his mind even when he's trying to not think about you. you're so annoying, and he's carrying that sentiment to his grave, he swears.

pairing: zhong chenle x male!reader

genre: university au, strangers to lovers, annoyed (chenle) x annoying (reader), fluff, crack/comedy, again no angst, lowkey fast burn(?), pining pining pining, chenle's in denial the whole time 😭, just super unserious, angry love confessions (kinda), many many other idol cameos, ft. na jaemin the instigator (and also kinda lee heeseung)

warnings: swearing, sexual jokes, mentions of sexy time, threats agaisnt your life in like a romantic way, mentions of drinking, lots of back and forth between our main leads, chenle being the stubbornest person ever

word count: 15k

notes: heyyyy… heyyyy…😇 so this is another draft from march that i abandoned for a good few months before finally getting up off my ass and finishing it, im not going to lie, it could've been much better writing wise, the thing that carries this work is the dynamic between chenle & reader which was soooo fun to write because i loosely based it off a dynamic between my irl friends 😭😭 this was originally supposed to come out in may at best BUT.. a lot happened, this is a birthday gift for the one and only user junjiie (take a shot everytime i mention jj in a note) the silliest, my bsf ever, and the person who i constantly attack with unsolicited spoilers! i apologize jj 😓 he listened to all my insane rants about this thing and i always have to thank him bc he's always interested!! happy birthday jj i love you sm 😿 again named after a yukika song, i have a pattern

IF CHENLE IS ANYTHING THESE DAYS, IT'S ANNOYED. it's already annoying enough that he's practically been worked to death this week, given no breaks by the student body or his coach, but now jaemin has decided to drag him away from his work to watch some stupid match between people he doesn't know. now, chenle isn't the kind of person who likes working on friday evenings, but this friday is different, because he genuinely has so much to do and has no time for distractions of any sort. just the sight of jaemin barging into his dorm was enough to make him and sigh and roll his eyes. it wasn't just that, but it was also his insistent begging for chenle to accompany him to his friends little competition, a friend he doesn't even know to begin with.

chenle isn't just annoyed, he's pissed off, his head hurts and there are so many people talking around him. he's currently overwhelmed with thoughts because he has an assignment to turn in soon and because he's standing here looking after jaemin's stuff, even more pissed because jaemin said he'd only be gone a few minutes.

it's been ten minutes, and jaemin is nowhere to be seen.

the moment jaemin appears, chenle swears he's going to punch him in the face. he crosses his arms and lets out his fifth exasperated sigh of the entire hour, a displeased look makes itself apparent in his eyes, what even is this anyway? some dumb fencing competition? chenle doesn't care about this, or about jaemin's friend that he hasn't met yet. at this point, chenle doesn't even want to meet this friend, he's frustrated.

and yeah, maybe it's stupid of him to be dumping all of his frustrations on this friend he hasn't met yet, but he's sleep deprived, and he wants a cup of coffee.

standing around and waiting for jaemin has become boring, so chenle has begun to scour his surroundings. the banners above display your usual school spirit words, all of them talking about beating the other school or something, he hears the people above him conversing about the upcoming competition, making bets on which fighter they think is gonna win.

it's enough to make chenle snicker, they're betting on this like it's a boxing match, it's just dudes fencing, it truly cannot be that serious.

"all this shit for some dumb fencing competition?"

"well, what crawled up your ass today?"

chenle startles when you seem to come out of nowhere, but his momentary fear immediately becomes annoyance once again as he notices your tone of voice. what is he getting an attitude for? chenle doesn't like you already.

"nothing, where the hell did you even come from?"

chenle looks you up and down, taking in your features. you have bewitching eyes, they're a beautiful shade of light brown, your tall, much taller than chenle, your hair falls prettily around your face, a pretty butterfly necklace adorns your neck (chenle has no idea why he's staring there), and your wearing a varsity jacket, the letters NCT U printed on the side.

ah, so he's an athlete. somehow, chenle doesn't put two and two together, or maybe he isn't exactly thinking about that, just annoyed by your audacity.

"i was just.. observing" you respond, shoving your hands into your pockets as you let a small hum leave your lips. "what's with the fencing hate? i don't think it's that bad.."

"your probably saying that because you're a fencer yourself".

a snort. "well— you caught me there".

chenle raises an eyebrow, now your tone confuses him. what is this guy getting at? he can't read you, and he doesn't really like it.

"i'm not even supposed to be here, i have work to do, but now i'm here looking after jaemin's stuff while he's doing who knows what because i agreed to come watch him support his friend!"

"well there's no need to yell.."

chenle glares at you, a certain distaste in his eyes he doesn't think he could replicate with anyone else, but you do sound kinda unreasonable, so he takes a deep breath. "yeah, sorry".

"it's alright".

there's a silence. chenle doesn't know what kind of conversation this is, he's not the kind of person to just interact with strangers like this, he usually doesn't like having conversations with strangers, but he doesn't want to stop this conversation..for some reason. you intrigue him, so he begins again.

"NCT U fencing? i didn't know our school had a fencing team.."

"maybe you just aren't around much, we are the stars of the show after all".

your words make chenle scoff, a small raise of his eyebrow accompanying it. he crosses his arms and examines your varsity jacket once more, then narrows his eyes. wow, what a high ego. "stars of the show? isn't that a little cocky of you to say?"

"cocky? tell that to my fifteen medals" you reply, and that gets an eye roll out of chenle. "and those are just college medals" you whisper, leaning closer.

chenle somehow gets frozen in his spot, not moving back, leaving the two of you with your faces almost pressed together. if he wasn't speechless right now, he would've pushed you away, but your breath fanning against his face and your sudden closeness makes him feel dizzy.

he stares, and he stares for a while. he allows for his eyes to roam your face, and they instinctively fall down to your lips, your lips which just look so tempting.

what the fuck? you don't even know the guy chenle! why are you thinking about kissing him?

"wow, you must be quite the impressive fencer, then".

his words are meant to come off as sarcastic, and he stops staring at your lips so that he can gently push you away from him, trying his best to ignore his currently reddening cheeks. "i am! i would even say so myself, not to give myself too much credit or anything.."

"well that is giving yourself too much credit" a small hum escapes your lips at his words, and you allow for yourself to be humored by his words. "what about the rest of your team?"

"your acting like i called them shitty fencers" you easily reply, glancing down at your watch and sighing as you notice the time. "i never said they don't bring anything important to the team, i'm just acknowledging how good of an asset to the team i am, and that's totally fine, nothing wrong with it".

your reasoning makes sense, but chenle doesn't this conversation to stop just yet. "that's just a level of confidence that seems a little unruly".

"there's nothing wrong with being confident" you say, and chenle allows for his shoulders to fall. he can't exactly disagree with that. "i know how good of a fencer i am, and you should be applauding me for that".

"maybe i'll applaud you when i actually see you display such skills".

you snicker at chenle's words, he hates that you look so good, he doesn't even know you, but you've managed to both annoy and sort of make him swoon in one go. "well it's your lucky day, you can cheer me on when i beat my opponent in a few minutes".

ah. chenle thinks back to the school spirit banners that are hanging from the ceiling, he thinks back to jaemin, to the stupid promise he made a good few hours ago, and now he's standing here with some overconfident fencer, some overconfident fencer he would've never met if he didn't give in to jaemin's incessant begging.

"that's nice, you really think your gonna win?"

"i don't think, i know, chenle".

chenle is about to counter your words with another remark, but pauses upon hearing his name escape your lips. how did you even know who he was? he's about to start assuming your a stalker or something. "you know my name?"

"you're apart of the student body, you play basketball, and your constantly in the top ranks , everyone knows who you are".

the words get an uncertain smile out of chenle, but he quickly lets it drop because he doesn't want to be smiling because of you. chenle doesn't care, he'll remain stubborn. "yeah, right, glad you know that".

"alright then, you can cheer me on, chenle, i'll be looking for you in the crowd".

chenle scoffs again, now he's completely done with you. "in your dreams.." he mutters, and while he intends for that to not be heard by you, you catch it anyway, but you allow for chenle to think he's in the clear, deciding to not comment on it.

"wish me luck!"

chenle watches you walk away.

he allows for the questions to immediately run through his mind, what the hell was that? why did he want to chase after you like some desperate little man? why didn't he want the conversation to end?

but then again, you are just so annoying, you're so convinced your going to win. chenle almost wants you to lose just so he could laugh in your face about it, but he also does want to watch you face off your opponent, just for entertainment.

and with no jaemin to be seen anywhere, chenle just groans and cusses at the older in his mind, he is genuinely going to punch jaemin when he sees him.

for now, he'll focus on this dumb competition (and on you, wait— no, NOT YOU! he is not focusing on you at all).

CHENLE HAS A HEADACHE THE NEXT DAY, AND HE MAKES sure to put all the blame on jaemin. what kind of friend is he? dragging him off to go see his friend's dumb competition only for him to disappear for more than half the time than proceed to only show up after the competition was almost over and scream in chenle's ear in the entire time. chenle thinks he should start getting paid for hanging out with jaemin, because he can never tell where the other male is half the time, but he's still getting dragged out to shit like this all the time. when jaemin skips his way into chenle's dorm the next morning, he's met with an immediate glare from the chinese, and he seems to have no idea why chenle is so upset with him. "woah, who pissed in your cereal?"

chenle scoffs, throwing jaemin his sweater and going to get a glass of water. "you did, i have a headache because of you".

jaemin laughs at chenle's annoyance, a taunting smile coming to his face as he makes his way towards the younger, a surge of pride in his chest. "really? what did i do?" it isn't a genuine question, and chenle can tell by the exaggerated pout which graces jaemin's features.

"you made me go to your friends stupid competition, then still decided to drag me around after the competition" chenle grits his teeth as he says those words, and all jaemin does is raise a humorous eyebrow, a small hum escapes his lips as he gets another glare from chenle. "not to mention, your friend is so annoying".

jaemin chuckles, getting a small punch in the shoulder from chenle. "oh, so you met y/n then?"

the name doesn't register in chenle's mind, he never actually got to know your name. "is that his name?" just the thought of you has chenle's stomach turning upside down, and he has no idea why. "he pisses me off, he talks too much".

"aww, he didn't make you swoon?"

"absolutely not" chenle says immediately, he is not going to admit how he felt lightheaded just by the sight of you, how you easily had his face red without having to do anything. "he's so into himself, how do you even hang around a guy like that?"

how do you not fall so in love with a guy like that?

"well he has every right to be! y/n has basically won the school all of their fencing awards, a majority of them anyway, i don't get what the hate is all about.."

chenle clears his throat. "i don't hate him, i'm just commenting on his self absorbency".

"your saying that, but you couldn't take your eyes off him the whole competition".

the accusation is enough to make chenle's cheeks go fiery red, what the fuck? he noticed? he opens his mouth to immediately deny the claim, but all he does is stutter whilst trying to clearly articulate his words. "that's not true".

"but it is! you were fangirling more than his actual fangirls! you couldn't even contain yourself!"

chenle rolls his eyes, a small scoff escaping his lips as he tries to ignore his reddening cheeks. "i was not fangirling, you're crazy".

"am i crazy? or are you just in denial?"

"your projecting onto me".

jaemin just snickers, able to see right through chenle's little denying streak. his red cheeks are a clear indication that you probably did end up flustering him, the latter is just too stubborn to admit such a thing. "uh huh, sure, keep telling yourself that chenle".

chenle scoffs, completely turning away from jaemin as he tries to ignore the heat rising in his cheeks. no he wasn't fangirling over you at all, jaemin is just crazy, jaemin is just making stuff up.

at least, that's what his mind tells him.

"YOUR LATE, ZHONG CHENLE" THE WORDS get a small glare from the addressed boy. a chortle sounds from his fellow student body member, kim jungsu, who is humored at the sight of the usually stoic zhong chenle being pissed off, but then again, such a face has become a norm to the titular zhong. "woah, what happened to you?" chenle only scoffs at the question, an exasperated sigh escaping his lips as he ignores the question from choi beomgyu, who only raises an inquisitive eyebrow. the two older boys exchange glances, watching as chenle begins getting up to his usual things. "jaemin decided to hold me up, again" chenle grits his teeth as he thinks about the stupid shenanigans of the na, rolling his eyes.

"what did he do this time?"

"made me walk around the whole school to find something for him.." chenle mutters, pissed off. "but he kept stopping every few minutes to catch up with his old friends!"

beomgyu startles at the sound of chenle's shout paired with the slam of files onto the table. it's often these days that na jaemin seems to be annoying zhong chenle more than anything, the prospect is hilarious, though, he has to admit.

"did you guys hear? y/n got an perfect score on friday!"

the absentminded comment is one chenle so badly wants to ignore, but just the mention of you is enough to make his stomach begin stirring in a way he can't explain. it's monday, why are people still talking about your stupid friday competition? (chenle knows why people still would be talking about it, you're a very talented fencer, he can't deny that).

"did he?"

"what are you guys even expecting at this point? it's y/n, he's never lost a competition once.."

chenle stays silent as he listens to his fellow peers talk about you, your competition, your winnings, just you you you. chenle hates the way you take over his mind, he's only met you once, only talked to you once, but he can't stop thinking about you.

it's a mix of butterflies and some other unknown creature fluttering around in his stomach.

"chenle! how come you and y/n aren't friends?" beomgyu suddenly chimes in, nudging the other in the shoulder. the younger blinks, puzzled by the abrupt question. "you two would be a good.. pair".

chenle knows what he's implying with the emphasis on the word pair (pair? more like couple..), and just the look on his face is enough to give him away. he ignores the red which dusts his cheeks, something that's been happening much more regularly when chenle starts thinking of you, he hates that it does. "we just.. don't know each other like that".

"you two have talked though haven't you?"

chenle is getting bothered by these constant interrogations, he doesn't want to talk about you, because he's not sure he'll be able to keep his ground, or his face from heating up irregularly. "yeah we talked at the competition.."

"oh you went!? how was it?"

"it was uh.." chenle pauses, trying to figure out the words to describe the competition, he isn't even thinking about the competition, he's thinking about you. he can't stop thinking about you, you've been running around in his mind for the past few days. "yeah uh— what you said, y/n got a perfect score.."

chenle quickly turns away from his peers so that he doesn't have to be faced with their several questions about you, mostly because he doesn't know how many excuses he'll be able to make for his red face. he puts away the files as he listens to everyone else continue conversing about you, how known are you? chenle doesn't think he wants to know.

"that can't be tru— wait y/n! come here!"

chenle's heart drops at just the mention of you, and he hears a confused "what?" escape your lips accompanied by the sound of footsteps. he curses in his mind, how is he supposed to avoid you now?

"what's up?"

chenle turns around as he tries to not look at you, but unfortunately, his eyes have other ideas. they drift off to you immediately, and once he looks at you, he can't look away. you look so casual, but you seem to glow. everyone else in the room has basically become nothing, and only you matter. chenle reprimands himself in his head for having such thoughts, he shouldn't be thinking about you so much, especially with you currently in the room. so, he clears his throat and takes his eyes off you.

"beomgyu said—"

"i didn't say anything! don't put the blame on me! dongyun back me up here!"

chenle blinks as he watches his friends dissolve into a full blown argument, with you standing there awkwardly having no idea what was going on. he is quick to tune out the argument, as he's done several times in the past.

but you don't seem to care about the argument transpiring in front of you, seeing as how you slip away from the shouting guys and go over to chenle. "do they always do that?"

chenle can't ignore you now, so he takes in a sigh and looks over at you, his legs immediately feeling like jelly as he locks eyes with you.

you're beautiful, just as beautiful as you were the first time chenle met you and became absorbed in you as a whole. chenle wants to fall over, but he stands his ground, he remains stubborn, he doesn't want to give you that satisfaction.

finally, after what seems like forever, chenle finds his voice, it took him pathetically long to though. "yeah, they argue about stupid shit all the time, don't worry about them".

you snicker, eyeing the student council members who are continuing to go at each other's necks. choi taeyang rubs his temples, completely irritated by this idiotic argument.

you aren't focusing on that, though, because your eyes immediately go back onto chenle. "we never truly established our relationship.. are we friends?"

chenle finds the words baffling. did you really just ask him that? he scrunches his nose, but he can't exactly tell how he feels about the whole thing. "are you really asking me this now?"

you hum, fiddling with your sweater collar. "well, jaemin told me i should try getting on your good side, apparently we need to get to know each other".

"of course he said that".

chenle grits his teeth, but his irritation is feigned, because you snort and look away, your smile this bright, blinding spectacle that chenle could admire for ages. "if you don't want to it's fine" you say, smile unable to be erased.

"i didn't say that" chenle quickly rebuts, much too eager to make that fact known to you. "we can be friends i just.. don't be as annoying as you are".

you gasp, offended. "you think i'm annoying?"

"your just jaemin's copy and paste really".

"is that supposed to be insulting? i happen to like jaemin".

"well that's obvious".

you scoff, crossing your arms. chenle has to stifle his giggles, because watching you look so defeated is just a little bit amusing to him. he can't help his smile, why the fuck do you look cute right now?

"you're so rude, i like you though".

chenle blinks. well he was not expecting that. maybe he doesn't have you all figured out like he thinks, you're unpredictable, how aggravating. he feels his jaw clench as he stares you down. "is that how you always make friends?"

"no.. you keep avoiding the term, though".

"you keep questioning me".

"i just want to get to know you".

"you can do that when we aren't in the student body room".

you roll your eyes, but it's not serious, because nothing is ever serious with you. "okay then, i'll see you some other time, zhong".

you give chenle one last smile before muttering something intelligible to beomgyu, which draws an incredulous gasp from him. you bid your goodbyes to the rest of the student council before once again smiling and making your way out of the door. "he's so dreamy isn't he?"

taeyang snorts, shaking his head. "totally, but i think he liked chenle best".

chenle's face goes bright red the moment he's put on the spot, and jungsu's little giggles meet his ears. "you— he was just being stupid.."

"ohhh, i see".

"wait, chenle and y/n have thing?"

"we do not!" chenle immediately shouts, but as his voice elevates, his cheeks continue to flare. he isn't convincing enough, seeing as how taeyang snickers at the way he heats up embarrassingly. "we do not have a thing! he's just.. annoying".

"so you don't want to fuck him?"

"no!"

but unfortunately, zhong chenle isn't spared from the teasing of his student body members.

"CAN I ASK YOU A STUPID QUESTION?" IT WOULD BE annoying if not completely a norm by now. good god jisung is lucky he's jisung, chenle can't count how many times he's wanted to just clock him square in the face. maybe he's saved from such a fate, but yangyang surely isn't, and chenle is just gearing up the punch as he hears the liu begin snickering. if kun didn't nag so much he probably would've followed the whispering thoughts that told him to shut yangyang up with his fists, but keeping his composure is important. chenle clicks his tongue, tugging at his sweater and rolling his eyes at jisung's subsequent muttering. "okay but don't be mad!" chenle immediately snaps his head towards the younger, and jisung halts in his movements, yangyang's growing laughter is definitely not helping. "you're already mad!"

"i'm not, idiot" chenle grits his teeth, but he relaxes his shoulder and takes a deep breath. "just ask".

"what the hell is going on with you and y/n?"

chenle immediately scrunches his nose, pausing. now how would jisung know about anything that happened between you two? not that anything did happen between you two! it's just strange how chenle meets you on one friday, has like three interactions with you, and suddenly everyone thinks that he has a crush on you or something.

he doesn't! he really doesn't! why isn't anybody convinced?

"nothing! oh my god why is everyone asking me this?"

yangyang snorts, great, now he's going to add his two cents to the mix. "you look at the guy like he solved all of your problems, you sure you don't even want to kiss him?"

chenle scoffs, quickly flipping off yangyang and rolling his eyes. "no, yangyang i don't want to kiss y/n, and i don't stare at him like.. that, who even implied that to you jisung?"

jisung is just the slightest bit terrified of chenle, seeing as how his facial muscles strain to try and fit a smile. "jaemin hyung.."

"and you know heeseung gossips about everything! he's about to put it on the school paper!"

"lee heeseung isn't apart of the school paper, he runs a barely functional gossip blog".

"gossip gets around quickly".

"you guys are acting like i got caught kissing the guy! i'm not in love with him or anything!"

jisung clearly doesn't believe that, and of course yangyang doesn't believe that, seeing as how he doubles over in laughter at chenle's statement of denial. chenle glares, yangyang isn't as funny as he thinks he is. "it's not funny".

"it really is, your cheeks are so red, how are you not in love with him?"

"i'm just not, how do you guys not believe me?"

"it's a bit obvious".

"your terrible at lying".

chenle gasps, dropping his arms at his sides. gosh, even when he is telling the truth everyone thinks he's lying.

and no he's not secretly lying! he is telling the truth! he has absolutely no feelings for you at all!

"i'm not lying".

"well you can go prove yourself then, your boyfriend is right there".

when chenle snaps his head in the direction jisung pointed, he stills, because there you are. his cheeks flare up at the nickname yangyang gave you, the words he's not my boyfriend rest on the tip of his tongue, but they get stuck in his throat when his eyes land on you.

are you fucking everywhere now? chenle talks to you one time and now you suddenly appear every single time he tries to convince himself that he doesn't harbor any romantic feelings towards you. you have to be some kind of psychic, you're probably reading chenle's mind, just ready to show up when he suddenly gets stuck in denial.

"see? your doing that weird love like stare" the whisper gets him out of his daze, his eyes of admiration quickly becoming eyes of hatred fully directed towards his fellow teammate.

"i am not".

jisung blinks, contemplating his words because of the way chenle glares, so his mouth falls shut. "there's nothing going on there, you guys are just stupid".

for the first time ever, yangyang and jisung do something in unison, snicker. "okay chenle, i'll totally believe that".

you laugh in the far distance, the harmony is beautiful, and chenle has to use all of the self control in his body to not turn his head in your direction. he can already imagine your smile, and he has to fight his own smile, chenle can admit that you're annoying, but he can also admit that you have a very pretty smile.

"your lover boy is over there".

you pause, still giggling behind your hand as you glance over at kim minjeong. "who?" you inquire, wincing at her hard pinch to your shoulder. when you turn your head, you grin at the person you see. "i can't exactly figure out why you say that".

"you seem a little obsessed".

you laugh. a huge, polyphonic laugh that would make the words you're hearing seem like absolute nonsense. "obsessed? i like the guy a normal amount".

"woah.. like?"

"platonic feelings do exist ms. kim" you rebut, arms crossing over your chest as you listen to the mutters of your fellow students. "and besides, he doesn't seem to like me much".

"he looks like he's even in love with you".

"you don't even know what love is, jiung".

if you're being completely honest, you have no idea why you're going to extreme lengths to defend yourself like this. zhong chenle is cute, easily aggravated, your actions piss him off insanely quickly, you can see why people would think you feel something for him, you enjoy admiring his face way too much, you zone out on his features way too much, others might get the wrong idea. "fuck you, anyway, there is no way he isn't in love with you".

"in love? are we in a romcom?"

jiung scoffs, and minjeong pinches the bridge of her nose. "are you stupid or do you just not want to admit it?"

"admit what?"

your feigned innocence gets a groan of unison out of your friends.

and maybe a certain zhong is just admiring you from afar..

IT'S NOT USUAL FOR ZHONG CHENLE TO WAKE UP EARLY, and six am is really a stretch he can't believe ended up happening. after minutes of tossing and turning, he screamed into his pillow and rose from his bed to begin his day. classes start in two hours, but he's not going to be able to get back to sleep. he makes sure he doesn't wake daegal, grabs a basketball, and leaves his dorm to make his way to the school gym. it's something he usually does when he finds himself sleepless, playing basketball can get his mind off of literally anything, so whenever he wakes up in the early hours of the morning and can't get back to sleep, he simply makes his way to the school gym to entertain himself for a few hours. it's usually always empty too, so he doesn't have to worry about being interrupted while he's cranky in the morning.

he hums to himself as he dribbles the ball down the hallway, basking in the silence of the air. sometimes people are too much, he can enjoy being alone on most occasions.

the cool air of the gym hits his face as he continues his dribbling, taking a shot and having it land perfectly in the basket. he whistles, proud, but not surprised. it isn't surprising how good he is anymore.

"nice shot".

the moment chenle hears the voice, he has to bite back his groan. you snicker at the expression you see blossom on his features, and chenle turns towards you, lips pressed together. "nice to know you're so happy to see me".

"it's beginning to get ridiculous how you are everywhere" chenle is quick to bite back, and you shake your head, a laugh threatening to escape your lips.

chenle can't even help his smile. oh fuck you. you're evil. you're the evilest being chenle has ever had to share a space with.

he doesn't want you to leave, though.

"are you saying i'm doing this on purpose?"

"exactly what i think" you laugh, fingers picking at the fabrics of your sweater, and chenle finds himself frowning.

"what are you doing up so early?" he inquires, cutting off your response with a question.

you feign thought, rolling your eyes. "i usually wake up early to stretch, maybe get in some practice, it's sort of like a built in alarm clock".

"you wake up at six in the morning every day?"

"it's torture" you reply, eyes glancing around the practically empty space you two stand in. "but i've gotten used to it, coach is always on my ass about it.."

"ohhh because your his star player?"

there's a hint of sarcasm in that question, and your brows furrow as you watch chenle distracts himself with his basketball. "he's just constantly like that".

"okay, so you aren't doing this on purpose?"

"even if i was, is there anything wrong with me wanting to see you?"

chenle pauses, blinking as he lets the words slowly settle into his brain. if he had absolutely no self control, he would've giggled out loud right in the very moment. why are you so.. you? it's absolutely ridiculous, actually, why do you say things like this? do you have no regard for chenle's heart? you have to know what you're saying.

"what? like you have a crush on me or something?"

"seems you want for that to be the case".

chenle opens his mouth to respond, but it closes the moment he sees your smile. he grits his teeth, it's sickening how easily he's about to fall. who allowed for you to have such a pretty smile? he finds himself grateful to even be witnessing such a thing.

he finds himself flustered at how speechless he is, and he sighs, ignoring his heated cheeks. "you and your weird fantasies".

"whatever you say zhong".

chenle groans, quickly wanting to change the topic. "you wanna play?"

you chuckle at the question, shaking your head almost immediately. "oh no i'm not good at basketball".

"it's not that hard, just dribble and shoot".

you seem to find that idea ridiculous, because you laugh again. "you're definitely going to kick my ass".

"maybe i want to do that" chenle smiles, and you narrow your eyes.

"okay, i see the game your playing".

chenle laughs, and you frown at the corresponding sound. "come on, just once? i'll return the favor, i'll fence with you!"

you seem puzzled by that one. "..do you want to?"

"it can't be that hard".

you bite back another laugh. "you know how to be convincing".

chenle raises an eyebrow. "is that a yes?"

you sigh, rolling your eyes. "fine yes, whatever".

"don't 'whatever' me".

you can barely resist your smile as you watch a hint of irritation settle in his eyes. "come on, let's play".

and maybe chenle smiles a little too wide at that, because he can't stop admiring your smile.

CHENLE TAPS HIS PEN AGAINST THE DESK, LISTENING TO the murmurs of the rest of the student body. it's easy to be quiet when in a room full of noisy, immature men. he barely even remembers where most of their conversations go, it's become much too easy to tune them out. beomgyu must have said something insane, because taeyang is giving him that incredulous glare he can only share with someone like beomgyu. god chenle misses hanbin, he's the only person who can contain such idiots (which is amusing, because all he has to do is clap and they all go silent). "who even agreed to that? did mr. jeong tell you anything?" chenle just barely fights his groan, of course they're arguing about this again. maybe he should just get up and scream, then they would all shut the fuck up.

"i already told you! nayeon said—"

"i didn't ask about nayeon, did i?"

beomgyu sucks his teeth, throwing his hands in the air. "see? this is why no one likes talking to you!"

"i'm just stating the obvious".

"you two have been at it for hours! please just let it go".

honda hitomi leans against her hand, just barely able to fight her own exhaustion. she's about to collapse onto the floor and not get up, but she keeps herself awake for the sake of her own sanity. "what did mr. jeong say about the end of the year fair we planned?"

chenle sighs. "he has not gotten back to me on that one".

"good god it's never going to happen at this point! can i just take down the posters?"

"don't lose hope so quickly!"

"at this rate hope no longer exists! we have to wait weeks for a response from the principal himself! aren't we supposed to be hosting all the cool student events?"

"yeah that's what we have chenle for".

chenle ignores the giggles that reply to those words, much too tired to even care anymore. "i need to make sure donghyuck doesn't traumatize daegal.. you guys have a good day" he grabs his stuff and scrunches his nose, almost unable to stand on his legs considering how long he'd been sat.

"why would you let donghyuck babysit daegal?"

"he's broke so i'm practically forcing him to" chenle swings his bag over his shoulder, smiling at the snickers he receives from his members. "i'll see you all tomorrow, and if any of you see hanbin tell him he better come up with a good excuse for being missing".

it's a threat that again has beomgyu throwing his arms up in the air, even if it wasn't directed towards him specifically. "will do boss!"

"don't call me that" chenle just barely misses the incoming whine choi beomgyu lets out when he finishes the response.

and then chenle exits the student body room, his shoulder slumping accompanied by a silent sigh. he just wants to get home without any distractions, no yelling, no stupid jokes that lead nowhere, no one to imply something idiotic that will make his eye twitch—

"chenle! hey!"

well of course that can't happen.

zhong chenle's life will never be peaceful, and that disturbance comes in the form of na jaemin, running towards him with that abhorrent smile on his face. chenle is already praying in his head, because he knows jaemin is just going to try something insane again. "amazing to see you jaemin".

the guy isn't even breathless, which chenle finds amusing considering he was totally bolting the whole way here. "did you hear?"

"what?"

jaemin looks disappointed, and he crosses his arms. "you didn't read the blog post? pretty much everyone has already".

chenle blinks, no longer interested in pretending to humor whatever it is jaemin is going to show him. "everyone?"

"mostly everyone, don't be surprised if gyu yells in your ears about it soon".

chenle scrunches his nose. sensing his complete obliviousness, jaemin sighs and pulls out his phone, giggling before even turning it on. "you and y/n are the school's couple of the month".

chenle's eye twitches.

"excuse me?"

jaemin nudges him, showing him the phone. chenle doesn't even have to read anything, all he has to do is look at the title.

[THE SCHOOLS FENCING STAR & SHOOTING GUARD ARE IN LOVE: BUT WE ALL KINDA KNEW THAT ALREADY..]

chenle sighs, of course lee heeseung wrote it. he rolls his eyes, massaging his temples. "tell me you don't believe this.."

jaemin giggles, turning his phone off. he laughs for a while, but pauses when he realizes chenle isn't laughing with him. "wait.. you two aren't dating?"

"no jaemin, we aren't".

the information flabbergasts him. "what do you mean you aren't!? i thought you two were doing like the secret thing.. the whole yeah were dating but like not publicly thing!"

chenle simply shrugs, turning on his heel and continuing his walk towards the exit. jaemin almost trips on his feet, following closely behind him. "how many times do i have to tell people this? there is nothing going on between y/n and i!"

"so then what were you two doing in the gym?"

chenle stops, glancing behind him to catch a look at jaemin's face. he narrows his eyes, scratching the fabric of his sweater. "talking, jaemin, like you usually do with people".

"six in the morning and you two are just talking?"

"you take everything out of proportion, i'm not sure you know what 'dating' looks like".

"well i know y/n, though, and i know his expressions, he stares at you with so much love it's sick!"

chenle can't even muster another eye roll, he simply keeps quiet at the words, turning around to look forward. "whatever.."

he stares down at the floor, not allowing for the words to get to his head. if he does than he'll begin thinking about you, and if he envisions your smile he won't be able to bite back his own.

IT'S FUNNY HOW QUICK GOSSIP CAN SPREAD, BECAUSE ALL chenle's been presented with in these past few weeks are rumors and mindless gossip. what kind of grip does lee heeseung have on everyone? how does his wannabe gossip blog really do all of this damage? he can't even begin speaking without someone asking if he's dating you. is this what being your boyfriend would be like? suddenly everyone is invested in his business and he can't even live in peace because everyone assumes you two are dating. he's let out enough sighs these past few weeks, he's beginning to get tired of everyone's constant muttering, he can't even talk without annoying himself, and he hasn't had an actual conversation with you in a good two weeks, which was totally unintentional at first, but it slowly became more.. voluntary.

you two don't talk much, simply give glances to each other in hallways. it's not that chenle is avoiding you! it's just that chenle is definitely avoiding you.

he just sort of needs space, for an unchecked amount of time.

you almost completely consume his mind, and because everyone thinks you two are dating, it's hard to not think about you. maybe it was difficult to get you out of his head before, but it is insanely difficult now. he doesn't escape jaemin's snickers, whispers, or even just mentions of your name, you're practically haunting him.

looking at your face ensures that chenle will probably collapse onto the floor.

so chenle's avoiding you for the peace of his mind. he makes excuses for why he doesn't want to see you every time, a tight lipped smile on his face whenever someone brings you up.

and of course, because of his avoidance, even more rumors swirl. something about you two getting into a random fight, a lovers quarrel the audience are calling it. how annoying.

but he can't avoid you forever, because you literally know everyone, including the people in his close knit friend group. so what is chenle supposed to say? it gets harder to come up with excuses for not wanting to be in the same room as you. jaemin keeps sending him weird looks, asking questions with his eyes, but chenle simply walks away.

you seem to want to talk to him, but you also seem to sense that he needs his space, because you don't just suddenly ambush him to ask why he's suddenly avoiding you like the plague (even if you do really want to).

and chenle keeps that track record pretty solid for a while, he dodges all of the questions, stares, you, it almost becomes easy after a while.

but it doesn't stay the same, because of course it doesn't, you always just.. appear.

"you sure you can make it? we don't wanna bother you if you can't".

mark is always so considerate, chenle doesn't know the last time he met a guy so nice. "yeah, yeah i'll be fine! just text me the time and i will be there".

"on time?"

chenle snaps his head towards donghyuck, glaring. the older simply giggles as the younger flips him off, and he scoffs. "yes on time donghyuck, fuck you".

"see you lele!"

chenle scrunches his nose at the nickname, he would flip donghyuck off again if not for wanting to keep his sanity in tact. he has to have some kind of limit, and when he hears yet another giggle spill from donghyuck's lips, he wishes he had acted on his intrusive thoughts.

chenle has a few hours considering they always like going out late (and they wonder why their always tired in the morning), he can binge all of how i met your mother for the seventieth time, and he can keep daegal company enough that she'll tire herself out.

chenle's hands stay shoved in his pockets, it isn't even that cold, he just has an emotional attachment to this sweater.

but then chenle stops, because he just walked the complete opposite direction of where he was supposed to go. he blinks, mentally cursing at himself.

"what an idiot you are zhong chenle".

"well that's rude to say to yourself".

chenle jumps, but he can't be startled for long, because it's you. after avoiding you for almost two weeks (seriously he was so close!), you had successfully cornered him.

well 'cornered' may not be the right term to use in the context, you smile, as if pleased to see him. "feels like i haven't been here in years.."

you glance around, feigning interest in your surroundings. chenle bites into his inner cheek, suddenly feeling the air become awkward. "did i do something wrong?" you inquire, seeming completely.. normal.

"no" chenle almost whispers, turning around as to not stare at you. he begins walking the right way this time, unconsciously inviting you to follow him, which you clearly sense with how you straighten up and begin walking beside him. "it's not you".

"so you're avoiding me for what reason?"

chenle shrugs, silence overtaking the air between you two. he listens to the small mutters of others as you two walk together, he can ignore it easily considering you're right beside him now, maybe it's because you overtake all of his thoughts. "i don't know.. everyone thinks were dating, it feels kind of weird".

"well i guessed that was the case".

chenle again goes silent, you are much calmer about this than he would've expected. it's just something he isn't used to seeing from you, he knows if he was getting avoided so clearly he probably would've blown up on the person, but that's just him. "aren't you mad?"

"not really, i can see where your coming from".

chenle hums, the air again becoming awkward. "i'm sorry" you don't look at him as he apologizes, but you smile anyway.

"it's alright, we technically aren't.. friends so i'm really not that offended".

chenle pauses, well he totally forgot that one. he's the one who said it himself. oh he is such a fucking idiot, but you don't say it to offend him, you simply state it as a fact. "still, i probably would've blown up on you if it was the other way around".

"oh trust me, other people have done way worse, a little ghosting is nothing".

that finally gets a smile out of chenle, and you seemed to miss that smile, because you mirror his expression. "i didn't mean to worry you, none of it is your fault".

"i wouldn't say i was worried, i was just confused, but you have your reasons".

chenle sighs, stopping as you hold the door for him. so you're basically just walking him back to his dorm now, no words even having to be exchanged. that's funny. he doesn't put all of his focus on that, though, you're directly in front of him right now, he should put all of his focus on that.

"so were good, right? no bad blood?"

chenle glances over at you. "there never was any bad blood, i just got into my own head".

"that's good, you still have to make good on that promise of fencing me".

chenle raises an eyebrow, suddenly feeling his cheeks dust red. "fencing and basketball are vastly different".

"obviously, but you kicked my ass so i should get to kick yours".

"it was a pretty close game, ten to six".

"my point still stands".

chenle hums, just barely biting back his laugh. "okay fine, we'll fence, just go easy on me".

"aww, but then it won't be fun!"

chenle childishly sticks his tongue out at you, immediately met with an offended stare. still, you laugh, giggle even. chenle finds it funny how easily he can make you laugh.

"either that or we won't".

"fine then".

your smile indicates to chenle that you definitely don't plan on completely fulfilling that.

you raise your hands up in mock surrender, and chenle simply shakes his head, completely done with you. he stops in front of his door, rummaging through his pockets looking for his keys.

"thanks for walking me" he says, quite literally unable to shake off the weird feeling in his stomach. "even though you kind of just followed me here.."

"we were talking, i didn't know how to just leave".

i didn't want for you to leave anyway.

but chenle doesn't say that one, simply smiles again. "it's fine, thank you again".

"so what are we exactly?"

chenle blinks, just about to open his door when you ask that question. he thinks about it, thoughts chugging like a train.

"mortal enemies".

you snicker, looking down at the floor. "oh".

chenle hums, hand resting on his doorknob. "yeah, have a good day y/n".

"you too chenle".

CHENLE DIDN'T UNDERESTIMATE YOU WHEN HE CHALLENGED you to a fencing match. you've been a fencer as long as you could stand on your two feet, you mentioned in passing once that you'd been fencing since elementary school, introduced to the sport by your father. chenle doesn't know anything about fencing, he's watched one competition and can barely recollect the memories of what went on because it was at that competition that he met you. it's hard to focus on anything when your around, especially the match he literally challenged you to. he wasn't exactly thinking when he brought it up, just really wanting for you to play basketball with him. he stumbles back, tripping on his own feet and falling back onto the floor.

"wow i suck at this" chenle mutters, back resting against the mat on the ground.

your distinct chuckle meets his ears, and chenle lets out a sigh. "well i didn't say it.."

"oh fuck you, your the fencing expert".

"that's what you get when you compete with an actual fencer" you respond, chenle rests the épée beside his laying figure. "you didn't go down without a fight though, four points!"

"four points to twelve points, you think that's a worthy competition?"

"it's impressive for someone whose fencing for the first time ever right now" you remove your fencing mask properly, getting a good look at him on the floor. "i'm sure you could take jiung in a match".

"oh don't mention your teammates, i can't handle any of this, how do you do it?"

you whistle, dropping the épée onto the floor and extending your hand towards chenle. he takes it, feeling a pain spike as he stands on his two legs. "you liar, you said you were gonna go easy".

you simply smile, feigned innocence behind that wretched sight ('wretched' is the wrong word to describe it, chenle absolutely loves your smile).

"that was me going easy" you reply, squeezing his hand against yours.

that's when chenle is brought back to reality. holy shit you two are holding hands. he stares at the spectacle, blinking dumbly as you again snicker at your own words. he pulls his hand away quickly, ignoring the excessive heat of his face.

"oh then i really suck".

"your better than most people".

chenle hums, being better than most people doesn't really mean anything when going against you. "stop frowning, you did well".

chenle is definitely not frowning, he's not! how would you even know that? "well doesn't mean much in these books".

you shake your head, and chenle doesn't frown (but his lips turn downward). he picks the épée up from the floor, twirling it around. "can't just say i'm not good at this?"

"the reason you aren't good at this is because of your handiwork" you quickly respond, stepping closer to him and wrapping your fingers around chenle's wrist. "you have to angle your hand at ninety degrees, it has to be parallel to your foot.."

chenle blinks as you begin explaining the ways for him to improve his fencing. your rambling, very interested in actually helping him instead of just beating him at your own game again. chenle is quite literally on the verge of a heart attack, everything you're saying has blurred into the background as you get closer, the heat in the room steadily rising.

you continue talking, angling chenle's arm forward and pointing the sword straight. chenle cannot focus on what you're saying because you are so.. beautiful? you look so good in this lighting, it has to be criminal. you unconsciously get up in his personal space and chenle's breath hitches, but you don't notice.

"—and when you lunge your other hand should go down to balance your body weight" you mutter, smile on your face as you glance at chenle, who looks midway through a disassociating scene.

"hey, are you even listening to anything i'm saying?" you nudge chenle with your shoulder. chenle snaps out of his little episode and blinks, leaning away from you as he sees how close you are.

"oh.. uh— well".

you sigh, letting go of chenle's wrist and watching it lean down in just the slightest. "nuh uh, keep it up, ninety degrees".

chenle scoffs, but you raise an eyebrow, and he pauses. who knew you could be like that? chenle is just a little afraid seeing you serious. "you really don't have to help me".

"it's out of courtesy".

chenle narrows his eyes, and you whistle again, removing the fencing gear your wearing. "you aren't going against me again are you?"

"absolutely not" chenle shakes his head, another heavy breath leaving his lips. "you're brutal, i can't keep up".

"i'm sure you could".

"you have too much faith in me".

you hum, slipping your sweater back on and shoving your hands into your pockets. chenle again sighs, walking past you. "you could've at least tried to get eight points on me".

"the only way i'd get eight points on you is if you gave them to me" chenle replies, and you hold the door open for him again, watching as he narrows his eyes at you. "and you'd never let me".

"it's good to be competitive".

"at least you said something true".

you two must have a thing for unconsciously walking together now, much too distracted in conversation to even catch the looks your being given.

"i see you guys have made up!"

you pause, smiling at the sight of your longtime friend, and chenle sighs at the sight of jaemin. "why are you so sad?"

"jaemin brings chaos into my life".

jaemin scrunches his nose, offended. "don't be so quick to say that, i brought y/n into your life!"

"exactly".

now it's your turn to be offended, a gasp drawing from you. "wow i see how it is, chenle, maybe you should just go back to ignoring me then".

"you're so petty".

"oh and you aren't? that is completely unfair!"

jaemin glances between the two of you as you begin your mini argument, the bickering between you two surprisingly entertaining him.

what an interesting lovers quarrel.  

"DON'T BE BORING! LET'S GO TO JINYOUNG'S PARTY!" JAEMIN shouted in his ear as he saw chenle trying his best to drift off to sleep. the younger was very much not on board, he wanted to sleep, he wanted to rest, maybe have a romantic dream about you or whatever. it's not like he had a load of work dumped on him tonight, he just didn't want to go out on his fine evening, and he also doesn't know jinyoung that well. he's not the extent of social butterfly jaemin is, he's sort of afraid of being that awkward friend who just follows his much more known friend around. he just knows jaemin is going to ditch him the moment he finds a cute guy to make out with, and that isn't his ideal kind of night. it didn't matter what he said though, jaemin had somehow convinced him to not sleep in his bed all night.

"this room reeks of drunk breath".

"don't be boring, chenle!" that must be jaemin's only response, because he smiles when chenle frowns. "have some fun" he pushes at his shoulder, but chenle simply sighs.

"i can't wake up with a hangover tomorrow.."

"just a little?"

jaemin puts his best puppy dog eyes on display, pouting with his hands clasped together. chenle immediately leans back against the wall, put off by whatever.. this is. he points, pressing his index finger against jaemin's chest. "if you get wasted i'm leaving you".

"that isn't a threat".

yeah, it really isn't, jeno is jaemin's ride or die, he'd carry the guy up the stairs while he was hanging off his shoulder for pete's sake.

so when jaemin does eventually get wasted, chenle isn't even that surprised when jeno shows up to follow him around and make sure he doesn't kill himself.

jinyoung is nice, a little erratic, chenle finds it amusing how easily he gets offended at heeseung's jokes. he almost socked the guy in the face, but then they looked at each other and began laughing loudly about it, they're much too gone to even realize they're being stupid.

chenle could barely take one sip of those drinks without grimacing, he can't even get tipsy, he might fall over from the taste alone, he isn't going to risk it.

he can't stand being alone for long, though, because he finds himself at beomgyu's side, listening to the choi talk his ear off. he doesn't know many of beomgyu's friends, he's met taehyun once, courtesy of jisung surprisingly, but the other guys are practically ghosts to him. one of them really likes bread though, he's never seen a guy so passionate about wheat.

"i can't believe you think strawberry ice cream is good! it's terrible!"

"it's not! you're a pussy! no wonder you can't eat fruit!"

maybe beomgyu and this bread obsessed guy have arguments like this often, because the words sound so practiced chenle assumes they must rehearse this argument for every time they drink. beomgyu huffs, crossing his arms, and he snaps his head over to chenle. "tell soobin he's wrong".

"is that his name?" when he asks that, soobin waves from behind beomgyu, a wide smile displayed on his face. "i have no say here".

beomgyu pouts. "even outside of school you're boring".

"you're arguing about strawberries!"

and just when chenle is about to join the argument about the ethics of strawberry ice cream, he hears something.

"boo!"

chenle almost jumps out of his seat, startled by the sudden sound. he grits his teeth once he's met with your smiling face, and you giggle, your breath reeking of the disgusting alcohol. "oh hello you".

"hiiiiii did you miss me?" you ask, hands clasped together as you try your best to sit, tripping on your feet. you hiccup; "cause i definitely missed you—" a poke to his cheek, another giggle leaves your lips. "—i can't believe you're reeeeal" your words slur and syllables stick together, you clearly aren't in the right mind at the current moment.

you lean half your body weight against chenle, laughing at something you say in your own head (at least that's what chenle assumes is happening, you're simply laughing for no reason). "did you miss me too?"

you jut out your bottom lip, chenle has to turn his head to stare at you. your cheeks are flushed, eyes are wide, and you have a permanent smile on your face. "it's debatable".

"you take that back!"

chenle can just barely stifle his laugh, you're absolutely ridiculous. you pout again, brain fuzzy. "don't laugh at me.."

"how much have you had to drink?" chenle asks, a finger in your hair. the strands are soft, just like he predicted.

"uhhh nothing really like um.. uh— four?" you hold up four fingers, then burst into laughter at the sight of your own hand.

oh. so you're that drunk, you giggle again, a snort following that sound. your head rests onto chenle's shoulders, and you shake as you giggle.

"four drinks? already".

you hiccup again. "jinyoung said.. um, i actually forgot what he said, but he promised me something! i like promises!"

you snap your fingers, leaning back in your seat and almost falling backwards in the process.

chenle watches, listening to the continuous drunk chatter of beomgyu and soobin. he then sighs, tired. "y/n, come on".

you crack open one eye. "whaaaaat? you don't wanna dance?"

"i think you've had enough, let's not dance right now".

"but we have to" your lips turn downward into a frown, visible sadness in your eyes.

"we can dance at another time".

"oh really?" your eyes shine, as if you're already awaiting the moment you two will dance.

"yeah, let me take you home before you end up passing out on the floor".

chenle wraps an arm around your waist, and you wrap an arm around his, but he's basically carrying you around.

"jaem" chenle calls out, grunting as he lifts you from your place. when jaemin turns around, he looks fine, not like what chenle expected. he's met with an immediate eyebrow raise, as expected of jaemin. "i'm taking y/n home.."

"youuu just wanna see my bedroom" you slur, poking chenle again as you practically fall onto him, no longer controlling any of your movements. "hiiiii jaemin!"

"okay, i see" jaemin looks you two up down, and you're still waving while he judges you. "have fun".

"don't start".

at the sight of chenle's piercing glare, jaemin puts his hands up in surrender. "okay, make sure he doesn't die".

"he might end up killing himself anyway.." chenle mutters under his breath, again lifting you up as he sighs.

"byeeeee jaemin! i love you!"

chenle scrunches his nose, and you continue to wave even when jaemin disappears from view. you lean onto him again, noticing his silence. "don't be mad, i love you too".

he glances. "not mad".

you giggle again, wasted beyond words. "no need to lie to me, you're so obvious".

chenle's cheeks flare up at that. alright you fucking psychic.

WHEN YOU TWO MAKE IT BACK TO YOUR DORM, you collapse onto your couch, bringing your knees to your chest. you weren't as talkative on the way back as chenle thought you would be, the moment you two left jinyoung's door, you simply went silent, the many drinks probably went to your head, you must be exhausted, and for the first time in forever, you two don't really bicker. you simply walk along with him in silence, so there are no words exchanged between you two. when you collapse onto your couch, chenle can just barely keep in his laugh. you let out a heavy breath, groaning. "i hate parties.." you mutter against your cushion, scratching at the fabric of the cushion. chenle turns to stare at you, and you let out a groan of pain(?).

"no you don't".

"no i don't".

you stretch your limbs, then hug your knees against your chest. "chenle?" you call out, eyes closed, and arms circled around yourself.

your voice is barely audible, he doesn't think he's heard you be so silent ever. he hums as his response, and you take in a deep breath before asking yet another question. "can you get me a blanket from my room? it's always cold in here.."

chenle nods even though you can't see. "okay, and which door is yours?" he's afraid of accidentally walking into the wrong room, he's heard your roommate isn't exactly the easiest to get on good terms with.

"the one at the far end of the hall" you stretch the final letter of the word 'hall', your sighs endless.

chenle mutters a small response and turns on his heel to make his way towards your room. he hears you let out another sigh, your fatigue following closely behind him as he opens the door.

when he does enter, instead of immediately doing what you asked, he allows for himself to get engrossed in the scenery of your room. the posters which litter the walls, your many fencing awards, medals, trophies, certificates. the photos on your shelves containing some familiar faces, there's one with you and jaemin that chenle can only assume was from way before university.

oh, so they do go that far back.

your room is adorable, it isn't exactly big, but you mastered how to make due with the space you were given. he glances at your bed, and he grabs a good enough blanket, heading back to the living room.

"you're a blessing zhong chenle" you say when he lays the blanket over you, watching as you let your body relax.

chenle stares, simply watching the way you shuffle against your couch. "it's really no problem, sleep well".

"what?"

chenle snaps his head towards you. "sleep well y/n, i'm leaving".

"you can't leave!" you open your eyes, staring at him incredulously. "what happens if i get attacked while you're gone!?"

chenle deadpans, you cannot be serious right now. "you're not getting attacked while i'm gone, y/n, that makes no sense".

you cross your arms, clearly not as completely sober as chenle thought you were. "i need for someone to stick by me, just until wonjin comes back!"

wonjin. oh, that must be your roommate. "and when is he gonna come back exactly?"

"i don't know" you put your own hand on your forehead, wincing at the heat that you feel. "he's a wild card.. kind of".

chenle sighs, of course you're starting with something again. "i can't stay y/n, i really have to get home".

no. he doesn't. he doesn't have to get home. the only real reason would be daegal, who his brother graciously stole for the weekend. he doesn't live with anyone else, so he isn't exactly going home to anyone. he doesn't know why he said that, he just lied to lie.

"no you don't".

you're correct, but chenle wants to remain stubborn. he sucks his teeth, irritated at the pure truth. "just for a few minutes?" you ask, putting on pleading eyes as you stare at the other standing at the arm of the couch. "please? you don't have to stay for long, just until i sleep".

now how can chenle deny that? he can pretend he isn't in love with you while others are around, he can act like the flirting doesn't affect him in the hallways, he can act like nothing's there in the bright light of the day, but now? now? while you're staring at him with pleading eyes? how could he ever deny you?

"i— fine.." chenle sighs, hands dropping at his sides as he steps closer, sitting down beside you on the couch. he doesn't lie down just yet, he isn't that tired. "now will you sleep?"

you nod quickly. "much better, good night".

you rest your head against your couch, snuggling against the blanket as your hand reaches over to take chenle's, intertwining your fingers together. "thanks for staying with me.. you're a good friend".

chenle keeps silent, but you still aren't asleep, because you snort in response to your own words. "sorry, enemy, we're enemies".

chenle gives a chuckle in response. "yep, mortal enemies".

you give a dismissive wave with your free hand, laughing again. "okay okay, i love you, good night" you let your hand drop and keep your eyes closed as you slowly begin drifting off into a slumber.

chenle again pauses.

you what?

his cheeks flare up, just the small confession distracting him enough, your thumb caresses the back of his palm, and the touch amplifies the red of his cheeks.

you love him.

well that's nice.

THE SUNLIGHT PEAKING IN THROUGH THE NEARBY window earns a small wince from chenle, eyes begging to remain shut as the light shines against his eyelids. he shuffles— or, he tries his best to shuffle with the lack of space he's in, a small groan escaping his lips as he tries to wake himself. he goes through an inward battle of trying to adjust his eyesight whilst also attempting to avoid the direct light of the sun, taking a few moments of squinting until he can finally open his eyes, adjusting to his surroundings as he begins to fight the fatigue in his body. oh he is such a fucking liar. he agreed to just a few minutes right beside you, and he fell asleep, right beside you. he woke up before you, and your soft snores become all he hears in the room. "oh my god" chenle massages his own temples, cursing under his breath.

you're still asleep, just barely awaken from your seemingly good dreams as chenle takes in a deep breath, rubbing the exhaustion from his eyes with one hand.

he stares down at your sleeping figure, your hair too messy, cheeks rosy red, and your other hand still holding his, squeezing. he snickers silently, and you must not have been that deep asleep, because you shuffle against your couch.

chenle lets go of your hand to rummage for his phone, and you let out a small sound of defiance as you feel his fingers slip from yours.

he almost laughs again, watching the way your eyebrows furrow. 09:14 am. wow, he doesn't remember the last time he slept that long.

"good morning.." you mutter, though you keep your eyes closed. chenle narrows his own eyes, amused by the sight. you feel around until you grab his hand again, intertwining your fingers. "i'm tired".

"yeah?"

"..and it all hurts".

chenle sighs, unable to get away from your hand squeezing his. "you have ibuprofen or something?"

"i just need to.." you pause, finally getting up, somehow without letting go of chenle's hand. "like walk around for some hours" you wave your free hand dismissively, and when chenle sends you a look, you clear your throat. "sometimes i can just walk in circles and get rid of a hangover".

chenle scrunches his nose, and you laugh at the face he gives you. "i'm not sure why it works that way either, it just does".

"you're a strange guy".

you hum, running a hand through your tousled hair. you two stay silent for a moment, staring at each other. "so you stayed over, huh?"

chenle again scrunches his nose, his cheeks flaring up. "i didn't mean to fall asleep.." he mutters, stubbornness immediately on display. "i was tired".

"aww, you didn't stay for me?"

"don't make me vomit, y/n".

you stick out your tongue, jumping off the couch and dusting off your clothes. "you gonna stay around or would you like for me to walk you out?"

"let me settle into the morning air first.."

"okay weirdo".

chenle almost scoffs, there's no way you're calling him weird, you're as weird as jaemin. maybe that's why, weird people can't grasp their own weirdness, they see it all as completely normal.

"you don't have a shitty hangover do you?"

you shake the bottle of ibuprofen then grab a bottle of water, taking the medication as if simply programmed to do it. you narrow your eyes, picking up on chenle's staring problem. "you stare a lot, huh?"

chenle snaps out of his dissociative state, realizing you asked him a question. "oh no i'm fine, i didn't even try to drink that shitty alcohol".

you snicker, putting the medication away and walking towards the bathroom. "you're simply a little too uptight".

"uptight? how did anyone drink that?"

you shrug from where you are, your voice echoing from the bathroom. "jinyoung is pretty convincing" chenle hears the sink water start running, assuming that you're brushing your teeth.

"not enough for terrible drinks".

chenle rises from his place, trudging behind you towards the bathroom. he stands in the doorway and watches you, he doesn't know why he's so interested in watching you do even the simplest of things, there's simply something about you that makes the simplest of tasks so compelling to watch.

you again catch his eyes, spitting out your toothpaste. "you definitely have a staring problem".

chenle sighs, how is he even supposed to argue with that? he is quite literally proving to you that he has a staring problem.

he doesn't really have one, though, it's just with you that he can't help but stare.

he can't exactly respond to that one, and a smirk shows on your lips, you've rendered him speechless. "oh.. am i right?"

chenle's scoff is stubborn, his arms folding over his chest, there's tease in your voice that makes red spread across his cheeks. "you aren't, i just constantly need to be around someone.."

what a reasonable lie that you clearly buy! you simply roll your eyes in response, he really just lies like it's nothing. you clasp your hands behind your back, lips turning up. "why do you lie to me so much? do i make you nervous or something?"

and it's not like you step closer, you simply stand there with your hands behind your back, a tormenting smile playing on your lips. you aren't doing anything, but chenle's legs feel weak, you're simply standing and smiling, it's nothing crazy, but you are crazy, what gives you the right to stand and smile like that at chenle?

"don't flatter yourself".

you raise an eyebrow, smile permanent. god you look so kissable right now, maybe chenle should give into his desires and lean in.

but he doesn't, he simply scowls, feigning irritation at your lack of action. "sorry, forgot we're mortal enemies and all".

you whistle, hands shoving into your pockets and walking past chenle. "you want me to walk you out now?"

chenle turns as your shoulder brushes against his, following behind you to the door. "you don't have to".

you open your front door, motioning with your head. "i technically already did!" oh so you're trying to be a smart ass, how funny. chenle's face falls, and your lips turn up as his turn down.

"you're so annoying".

"i'm simply here to entertain" you sing, gently pushing chenle out of your dorm. "have a good day enemy!"

and chenle would've flipped you off if he wasn't distracted by your smile.

CHENLE LETS HIS STUBBORNNESS CARRY THROUGHOUT the week, even while you two see each other, occasionally talking, occasionally staring longingly (that's more on chenle's part, you have such intriguing facial features, and not in a creepy way). he definitely does not have dreams about kissing you, about going on dates, or even about you two being a real couple, that would be ridiculous, zhong chenle does not have a crush, and he especially does not have a crush on you. yes the evidence looks pretty undeniable, his stares linger too much, his eyes linger too much, especially on your lips, he practically itches to hold your hand when you two are in public, the whole "mortal enemies" thing becoming an inside joke for you two. you seem perpetually oblivious to chenle's stares, or maybe you're just acting, it's getting a bit difficult to tell.

the rise in romantic tension doesn't help the rumors that were already up in the air, because the more chenle stares at you like he wants to eat you (in very figurative and literal ways), the more people just make assumptions about what exactly is going on between you two.

to be fair, they die down in whispers, but not in speculation. chenle can't even glance at you without another post popping up on heeseung's (frankly terrible) gossip blog about how he's obsessed.

and maybe there's some truth there (but chenle would never admit that, he can't give lee heeseung credence, he actually likes himself), but no one should ever know that, and hopefully you don't, he knows you don't read all the shit online. you do enjoy completely irritating chenle, though, he doesn't remember the last day he had that wasn't fueled by your annoying rants.

now, it's become mundane for you to be everywhere, and though it's never uttered, chenle really doesn't mind. he finds your presence to be enjoying, you entertain him like no other.

so no matter how much he tries to feign stubbornness, he loves your company. it's amazing how someone so annoying could also be someone so entertaining, and so.. well— beautiful too.

it's strange how easily you two fall into a rhythm of just existing together. chenle feels as if his life would be stranger if you weren't showing up abruptly for another strange conversation to follow.

it does become friendship, yes, but you two never say it. there's a peculiar romantic line there that you guys never bring up, there are too many almost kissing moments that never actually amount to kissing. chenle thinks you must be playing with him, psychologically torturing him. you fucking know, he can see it in your stupid smile.

but he doesn't say anything, not wanting to think he's getting it all wrong. if there's something chenle has learned about you, it's that you're unpredictable, and seeing as how you usually act with your other friends, being super affectionate is naturally your thing.

chenle doesn't want to seem stupid, it would be so embarrassing if the feelings he's spent a good few months trying to ignore turned out to be unrequited.

"is this your idea of a dat— oh my god you have a puppy!?"

your voice pitches up as you catch sight of daegal, cooing at the puppy who barked as she saw you enter. chenle glances at you, your eyes practically shining as you stare at his dog. he barely bites back his smile. "this is daegal, she's my daughter".

you kneel down to get a closer look at the adorable puppy, lips jutted into a pout. "hi daegal! how are you?"

though she's a little hostile at first, she takes one step forward, and you ruffle her hair, earning an excited yelp. you look like your about to burst into tears with how adorable she is, and you cast your eyes at chenle. "she's so cute chenle.."

"are you gonna cry?"

you shake your head, but chenle still isn't convinced. "i love her, i should come here more often!" daegal makes a sound you take as agreement, and you gasp again.

"oh wow, you're already replacing me with my dog?"

"absolutely" daegal jumps into your arm, and you melt into the feeling. you close your eyes, basking in the air of chenle's dormitory. "she likes me more than you do".

chenle narrows his eyes, but he can't even pretend to be pissed, because you simply look so ecstatic, how could he even be mad?

"okay baby, come here" he doesn't even have to move his hand, but daegal leaps out of your arms to circle around chenle. "you can't just steal y/n from me" he teases, carrying her in his arms as he makes his way over to his room.

he hears your overdramatic gasp in the distance, the words certainly surprising. "did i just hear what i think i heard!?"

you're practically hopping as you follow behind chenle towards his room, barely able to contain your own excitement. "oh my god you like me!"

chenle snaps his head towards you, a piercing (yet faked) glare in his eyes. "no dummy, were mortal enemies".

"i heard that~" you sing, turning on your heel to glance around chenle's room. "you just always have that large stephen curry poster on your wall?"

"he's my idol" chenle places daegal on his bed, she immediately curls up beside one of his pillows and settles, relaxing.

"seems like an obsession".

"you don't get stephen curry like i do".

you stare incredulously, a small smile on your face. you place your chin onto chenle's shoulder, watching his once serene expression become one of irritation, his eye twitching. "maybe not, but i definitely get you now".

chenle raises an eyebrow, silently questioning those words in the reflection of his mirror. he blinks, almost afraid to catch your eyes, but he already has, he's staring at your spitting image right now.

you peel yourself on him, a dramatic sigh falling from your lips as you stare, hands on your hips. "how long have you had a crush on me?"

chenle narrows his eyes. "excuse me?"

"come on! give me an honest answer! i won't laugh, i like you too you know, it's honestly kind of cute—"

"y/n".

you pause, chenle knew you were about to begin a ramble, so you shut up, angering him not really being on your list of things to do. you give him the stage to speak his mind, and he deadpans at you. "you are so annoying".

"does that mean you do have a crush on me?"

he stares, fighting the smile that threatens to break on his face. "you are so annoying, it's stupid how i have a crush on you, it's so dumb! you're so annoying but it's also what makes you endearing, and charming, and cute and fuck you!"

and maybe chenle does spit such hurtful words, but he doesn't mean them. his face is unbearably red, cheeks heated to the max, it's embarrassing that he's admitting this to you, now all he has left to do is kill himself and change the trajectory of your life forever.

you stare for a moment, and then you begin laughing, small giggles falling from your lips in such a rapid pace chenle is afraid you'll die.

"you always tell people you like them by shouting?"

"you're so annoying".

"is that your way of saying you love me?" you ask, stepping closer with your hands clasped together. "maybe we should talk about it".

"do you want me to die..?" he mutters, face still incredibly hot. he glares again, but he can't even keep his composure. "i'll take back that confession".

"aww, i like it when you yell at me though".

chenle shoves you backward, yet he smiles anyway. you're so annoying, but maybe there's allurement sprinkled in that he can't exactly ignore. "i fucking hate you.." he mumbles.

you again stare, simply pure adoration in your eyes. you again step closer, fingers grazing his jaw in gentle swipes along the edges. you pause, uncharacteristically silent. "can i kiss you?"

chenle stops. oh! well he didn't expect for this to happen now. he looks up, staring for much too long, thinking for much too long. "i— um, yeah.. yes".

the response fizzles into the air, overtaken by the influx of your cherry flavored chapstick, his bottom lip caught between your teeth as your finger draw shapes into his hip. chenle didn't guess this one, maybe it's because he always bites first, but then again, unpredictability is a thing with you.

your teeth scrape against the plush, pink skin, not rough enough to draw blood, you have courtesy. the action produces just the slightest hint of a whimper from chenle, what a fuel to your ego.

when you two pull away for air, chenle's first move is to avoid eye contact. you giggle at the sight of his cherry red cheeks, your fingers still graze his jaw, slowly turning his head in your direction. "hi".

maybe chenle's smile is too wide, but he's done giving a fuck. he begins fiddling with the zipper of your sweater, trying to distract himself. you again laugh, seemingly amused by his actions. "let's not do this before i take you on a date" you whisper, implications high in the air.

chenle's cheeks again flare up, and much too easily as well. "you think i wanna sleep with you right after we just kissed?"

"people are strange.. and you are people".

"you think i'm moving too quick" chenle pokes your cheek, resisting the urge to place a kiss onto it, maybe not now. you hum happily, intertwining your fingers.

"i didn't say it, let me treat you before sex".

the words are much too honest, but chenle loves honest. it's so stupid, you're so stupid. "what makes you think we're having sex?"

"oh just wait".

chenle frowns, eyebrows furrowing. "that sounds like a threat" he states, scratching behind his ear.

you whistle again, hands behind your back as you laugh. "you've definitely said worse, i'll treat you well".

you hold your hand out again, and chenle takes it without any hesitation, basking in the feeling of your soft hands on his own. "okay, i'm holding you to that, if you fail i'll hang your head on my wall".

you snicker, nudging him. "see? you are worse! it's obvious!"

chenle scowls, but it's so lighthearted that he can't even call it a scoff anymore. "you're so annoying".

you tug at his hand, a small act of defiance. "thank you, enemy".

your fingers slip from chenle's, and he can't fight his smile. you're so annoying, yes, but you're also so pretty.

"CAN YOU STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE YOU WANT to kill me?" if chenle thinks about it, you really are jaemin's twin. jaemin's stare is reminiscent of the ones you share with chenle whenever he glares, arms crossed, nose scrunched. jaemin's lips turn downward into a frown, a frown that directly copies yours, wow, you two are simply carbon copies of each other, no wonder you're such good friends. chenle finds it weird that almost anything can remind him of you now, considering you two have only been dating for two weeks (where did all the time go?), his terrible staring problem hasn't gotten any better anyway, he can stare at you with free reign whenever he wants to. it's too hard to be stubborn when he's so obvious, especially because you could just raise an eyebrow and he'd crumble (only a little though, not all the way).

"how else am i supposed to stare at you?" chenle's eyes hold a certain distaste, and jaemin lets out a loud, overdramatic sigh. "do you always have to ask me stupid questions?"

his hands fall at his sides, an action that chenle judges in it's entirety. "jeno would treat me better than this.."

"go sit with him then".

chenle doesn't have to tell him twice, he stomps his feet like a baby and trudges towards where jeno sits. he can barely stifle his laughter, something about jaemin's stupid way of responding to things is amusing.

chenle might just leave right now, it's not like this is one of the games that one of jaemin's random friends is playing at, this is simply a random volleyball game for a team he doesn't really care about (with no offense to the players).

his hands scratch at the fabric of his pants, he's only here because he decided to give into jaemin's incessant begging. oh screw na jaemin.

"this fucking sucks.."

"is this becoming your thing?"

chenle startles, jumping from his spot with a small squeak. he then relaxes when he sees you, a glare settling in his eyes. "you need to stop doing that" he responds, and you snicker, completely amused. "i didn't think you were coming".

"i was looking for you" you whisper, hands behind your back. "since when is jaemin so convincing to you?"

"he isn't, he's just annoying".

"wonder where i've heard that before" you feign thought, tapping your finger onto your chin. your lips turn up as you catch chenle roll his eyes, he's simply so easy to irritate. "you're so mean to me".

"that's my job".

you gasp, hand placing itself over your heart. "you just stole my cue".

i've unconsciously begun taking up some of your habits too, what the fuck is up with that?

the words aren't said, though. chenle simply reaches over and takes your hand, deciding to not say the obvious. you stare for a moment, then your lips turn up in their usual manner.

"that happens when i spend so much time around you" he tugs you forward by your hand, practically pressing you against him. "i'm picking up your annoying habits".

"is annoying your favorite word?"

"annoying is what you are".

you narrow your eyes, swinging your laced hands back and forth. "but you love me" you sing, much too enamored to even be bothered by his insults.

chenle scoffs, but he doesn't deny, simply squeezes your hand. it's difficult to care about anyone else when you're right here, even the people who send you weird looks (which is strange considering everyone already thought you were dating before you actually were, why is it weird that you two are holding hands?).

he shakes his head. "absolutely not".

you frown, that sick, sad frown that is just much too convincing. there's no reason for you to look so sad so flawlessly, chenle wants to punch you in the face. it's how he'll show his love for you.

the game won't start for a long time, he probably would've died of boredom if you hadn't shown up. "hey you wanna go?"

chenle glances at you. "go where?"

"literally anywhere but here" you state, nudging him with your shoulder. "i won't bore you much, i swear".

chenle sighs, he has no argument for that, he would rather be anywhere but here. "if jaemin texts you, don't answer".

you snicker at that, looking down at the ground. "he's going to think you killed me or something" you mutter, just lightly shuddering at the cold air that hits you both as you exit through the door.

"maybe i will" he responds, his rings would usually clash against your hand if not for the feeling being so mundane. "i have to rip you away from daegal, she's getting too used to you".

"is threatening to kill me your way of showing love?"

chenle stares for a moment, simply basking in everything. your intertwined fingers, the cool evening air, the comfort of it all, maybe chenle isn't exactly all that mad at jaemin, you're right here beside him, talking your ass off, and he laughs, it's all so funny. "sometimes you piss me off".

"i'm hoping you said that with love".

it's gotten much too difficult to successfully act serious around you, you're too funny. "of course i did, stupid".

you raise an eyebrow, an action that makes chenle sigh. you have to know that's his weakness, it's much too easy to get him. "say it, please?"

chenle cannot believe the audacity you have. you greatly piss him off, you bat your eyelashes as you patiently wait for him to confess his love to you.

chenle lets out a loud, exasperated breath. you're so annoying.

"i love you".

your face lights up, cheeks flaring at the confession. you press a kiss to chenle's cheek, enamored.

"i love you too".

[epic-sorcerer]

Queer imagery in BBC Merlin

Content warning: kink/fetish, fisting in particular but I show I big image containing a long list of different kinks, homophobia, dom/sub dynamics, sex

Merlin is shown wearing a purple tunic in s4, despite the fact he is a servant and purple(especially with such saturation) was extremely expensive bc purple dye was so hard to make. Gwen also has a light purple dress(or maybe 2? It’s hard to tell). Even though it’s definitely lighter than Merlins tunic, it’s still expensive.

it was illegal for peasants to wear expensive fabrics because of the Sumptuary Law. Basically it makes sure that lower class people are not fashionable. However, BBC Merlin doesn’t seam to care about that law, considering Merlins other bright clothing so take this was a grain of salt.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that there’s no way they could have gotten their hands on these clothes without the help of nobles. Gwen might have, because she works with clothing and could have easily mixed blue and red dye together. Merlin probably not have because he’s never shown to be particularly materialistic or interested much in fashion, despite his bright clothes. Bright Purple would have been much, much harder to get.

It makes the most sense for Merlin and possibly Gwen too to have been gifted such expensive clothing by a noble for being a good servant. I’d imagine Arthur would be the one to give Merlin the tunic and morgana the dresses.

Why does this matter? Lavender(and also purple in general) was considered a queer color starting in the 19th century. Queer men especially were said to possess a “streak of lavender” and a serge of homophobia at the time was often referred to as the “Lavender Scare.” Purple and lavender is still used now to symbolize queerness.

Since Merlin is a modern interpretation of Arthurian myths, it would be perfectly plausible that this symbol was on purpose. Merlin/Arthur and Gwen/Morgana are both extremely popular ships and they are both shown to have a very deep form of trust(Gwen/Morgana being at the beginning of the show). Arthur and Morgana gifting Merlin and Gwen purple clothing could be show them they accept their queerness and/or signaling their own queer attraction to them.

Now, this next symbolism concerns only Merlin/Arthur.

Merlin is shown to have three neckerchiefs.

Navy blue, red, and light grey. Why does this matter? Well, let’s take a look at something called the handkerchief code, also known as the hanky code or “flagging.”

This code has its origins all the way back in time during the Wild West in the USA, but got more popular during the late 20th century in USA and UK gay bars. This code was used mainly by queer men and some nonbinary people to signal to other queers what they wanted sexually. While typically worn in people’s back pockets, a handkerchief could also be worn around one’s neck to show they are a versatile and experienced.

According to this code, Merlin is into;

Red: fisting and getting fisted. This color was hard to get an exact shade from, but the second best option was dark red for double fisting which is honestly so similar I’m not sure if it really matters much.

Light grey: stone topping and getting fucked by a stone top

Navy blue: fucking and being fucked anally

For any one wanting to make their own interpretations of Merlins neckerchief colors(the lighting makes it hard to tell the exact ones) have a look at this handy chart

Not only that, but Arthur is seen wearing a favour on his left arm in s3 ep 4.

What’s a favour? It’s a fabric strip of affection commonly given by maidens to knights before a tournament as a symbol of good luck. It’s often a very important scarf, hankcerchlif , towel, really any bit of cloth that can be tied around someone’s arm. This is also a popular trope in historical media for a female love interest to give a favour to a male one to show chemistry between them.

Regardless of your stance on Merlins gender identity, you have to admit how commonly Merlin is shown to be gender nonconforming(GNC) or otherwise be associated with “womanly” qualities. Especially in a society so heteronormative, the only “pure” option for a knight receiving a romantic gesture would have it be from a woman. If the token was from a queer man, it would also out the noble and cause lots of horrific chaos and destroy both of their reputations.

Even if it was common for women to give knights favours, queer men still existed and with that came romantic gestures—this time hopefully more secret.

Even though the favour on Arthur’s arm doesn’t look exactly like Merlin’s neckerchief, Merlin was the only person to speak with him while preparing for the tournament. Also, the original theorist who I linked in my sources also pointed out that Merlins neckerchief looks lopsided. Almost like Merlin tore off a bit of it and hastily tied it back on.

Although this theory is definitely flawed, it doesn’t matter. Arthur is still wearing a red handkerchief on his left arm. But what does that tell us exactly?

Regardless of wether or not it was Merlin’s, the red is the same shade and also implies Arthur is also into fisting. What about the placement? Sicne it’s on his left, it shows that he is a top/dom, meaning that he prefers to be the one fisting. Since it is worn around his upper arm, it shows that he is simply into the fetish, compared to what other placements mean. In another source, it shows taht upper arm means switch, but because Arthur is wearing it on his left it wouldn’t really make sense for him to signal being a “top-switch” compared to being a top and having the fetish in general.

If you look closely, you can see a different colored stripe on the favour. It’s hard to tell exactly what the color is, it could be yellow, gold, orange, etc. because the color is so dubious, I’ll just leave y’all with a list of color meanings that may apply to Arthur’s favour.

YELLOW: pisser/watersports kink

YELLOW, Pale: spitter/spit kink

MUSTARD: Has 8+ inch dick

GOLD: two looking for one

ORANGE: anything anytime

Also, it’s important to bring up what many in thsi fandom refer to as the “fisting scene.” Where Arthur threatens Merlin by showing him his gloved fist and pulling a bit at the glove.

In the blooper, you can see Merlin’s actor(Colin Morgan) breaking character and giggling as Arthur shows him his fist. Many in the fandom agree that this was a clear innuendo for fisting, and it is very well possible.

Merlin is shown hitting Arthur and saying he was just doing some horse play, but still indirectly convincing Arthur that he needs to teach Merlin a lesson. This is actually a common act in BDSM sex, where the submissive person purposely angers the dominant into punishing them in a way that somehow involves sex or fetish play.

If you look closely, you can see Merlin is wearing at kinky red fisting handkerchief, showing Merlin is perfectly capable of being a submissive fistee. Also, the hanky code also includes other symbols such as latex or rubber gloves that, surprise surprise, also mean fisting. Although it’s more likely Arthur’s gloves where made of leather, it can still further be interpreted as a fisting symbol if you want. Either way, Arthur’s favour still holds water as he is undoubtedly the dom in this situation.

Also, Merlin is very impulsive and a madlad. Tell me he wouldn’t wear his secret fetish symbols infrount of stuck up, Roman Catholics who are none the wiser. He’d probably think it’s hilarious which is probably why he wears them almost everyday. Merlin loves playfully misbehaving(and is also a brat sometimes) so it makes sense for him to have some dangerous fun.

Now, you may be asking. Why does this matter? At the end of the day, it probably wasn’t intentional. Well, there is alwyas room for doupt BUT I do have some ferther proof. One of the co writers of BBC Merlin—Johnny Capps—actually won a Stone Wall Award. You know, an award named after a core part of queer culture?

The award’s website and Wikipedia page say they give the award for art that describes the LGBT experience well. While I am unsure why or what Capps made to be nominated, it still shows he is very much in touch with queer culture. Capp himself even said at an interview about Merlin, “... in the end, deep, deep down it’s about sexuality and things you just can’t tackle head-on.”

Well, what says more about sexuality than the main characters fist fucking each other? That’s a lot of sexuality. While I am unsure of Capp’s age, he does look to be about middle age and it would make sense for him to know about a code popularized in a 70s to 90s. Especially for someone who has made multiple queer oriented stories in his life time.

Sources:

Why is purple considered the color of royalty?

Sumptuary law

How lavender became a symbol of LGBTQ resistance

How Lavender Became a Symbol of LGBTQ Resistance(part 2)

flagging opinicus rampant

Handkerchief code

DO YOU KNOW THE HANKY CODE?

Picspam: The Red Favour (Proof of Arthur Wearing Merlin's Favour in 3x04)

Five medieval love tokens

The Lady's Favour

Hanky codes

Nominees for Stonewall Awards announced

Merlin series 5 spoiler-free launch report

Pls reblog I spent hours on this /np 😭👊

[fucktheroyals]

You know after reading and reading and reading peoples theories and the meta from before the spn finale aired and the meta writers reactions to the finale I think I have a theory of my own. We don't have any answers tho, so this is pure speculation. If you wanna add something to support or discredit any of this that's cool but there's too many things floating around. Know I dont have proof for this conclusion at all. A lot of what I say is just guesses based on previous facts.

This all came together in my head when I realized how much this finale REEKS of the original producers and who the show was originally for. It REEKS of Robert Singer. Like if the execs started saying they didn't want it, Robert Singer was the one pushing that the story was about the brothers. That kinda thing.

Then, I was thinking of the problems in this episode and it struck me these are all of Supernatural biggest issues and to be honest all of it feels completely deliberate.

Take the sexism for example, Supernatural in it's later seasons largely out grew this, we have Jody, Rowena, Donna, Charlie, Mary, Claire (and even a wayward sisters pilot with MORE women/girls) all making regular appearances. They're mainly good characters and mostly aren't there to hurt our boys. Rowena, of course, is the one outlier being very about herself but it's clear she still cares for them, I mean its part of her development. But they're all real, with character flaws just like everyone else. (And we have Death too and she was POC 😭 THANK GOD)

Now look at the earlier half of Spn, we have Ellen and Jo, who's appearances were far in between. There's Bela in season 3, recurring for quite a bit (5 eps), but she is a character that is only there for herself, definitely not found family (unlike Ellen & Jo), and she's got more episodes in season 3 than Ellen and Jo in season 2 who aren't seen again til season 5. The "fans" send in hate mail after hate mail to try to get these characters off, and eventually they are. Then there's Ruby who's character stayed for a whole two seasons and was a largely recurring character. Why does she get to say so long? She's a plot device. She's supposed to be there to betray Sam. She has to stay (plus Jared obviously likes her). But she's not just a character the writers like writing about. Same with Lilith. Obviously not as recurring but still a plot device. Did they get hate mail tho? You can bet on it. Why? because tHeY'rE gOnNa PuSh ThE bOyS (Dean and Sam) aPaRt ThE sHoW iS aBoUt ThE bOyS oNlY. Without even thinking about the hate mail, just notice how large the difference is from how women are seen in the earlier seasons to the later seasons. Misha got tons of hate mail too for being a character that could split up the boys (probably only being allowed to say because he a man, thanks sexist producers and execs).

Only after Castiel was killed off and then Castiel fans successfully (thank you guys) got him back on the show did the hate mail largely simmer, which means female character's were allowed to stay! Which has lead us to a show with a good amount of female characters. But can you imagine having to kill characters off time and time again because people keep complaining that the show is "only about the boys." Fun times really.

So now we get to this final and we see sexism. But it wasn't just the plain old regular sexism you find in the earlier days of spn. Because now, there ARE women to talk about, talk to. But this episode was DESOLATE women wise, unless they were used for plot (which is also sexist!). Small scenes, they're barely there. Women gets her tongue cut out. Random women from s1 gets killed. Sam doesn't SPEAK of Eileen. Nothing. No mention of any female characters from the boys mouths unless they were from/in this episode itself. That's WIERD. I know we've all said it. But that goes beyond forgetting about characters. I mean its SAM'S GIRLFRIEND for Christ's sake. There is NO REASON they couldn't have said Eileen's name. Notice how Sam's wife is just... faceless. This is literally an age old sexist trope. Like... one of the things about bringing Mary back to life for s12+ is that it takes this trope... of basically a generic mother, and gives her life and feelings, whether you like them or not, they're real feelings. They said Mary isn't just a mom she's a person. Mary's existence in the later half of spn is to fix this kind of female tropes that fall upon her character, to not let these her stay a 2 dimensional character. They said we should know she's more than just the mom who tried to save her kid. Do that is the exact opposite of Sam getting a nameless, faceless wife. The sexism of the old spn wasn't just brought back, it was completely amplified. It wasn't just accidental or some exec "fixing" the story it was DELIBRATE. Whoever wrote that, didn't do ALL OF THAT by accident. Because an exec or a producer who doesn't see the flaws in old supernatural isn't going to write it that deliberately.

Let's bring it back to s10 when Charlie was killed (singer was mainly to blame). Dead in the bathtub, age old classic of burying ur gays. If you were here you know people never let Supernatural live that down. THEY KNOW what bury ur gays means. Hell, Robbie Thompson left because of Charlie's death and you think the writers don't know what it means? I mean both Bobo Berens (especially) and Steve Yockey's careers are centered around LGBT+ storytelling and you think they don't know? They know. They know.

And Dean wasn't just apart of the bury your gays trope, it is so far BEYOND that. Dean being killed on a rusty nail/screw, the tongues ripped out, things that seemed to be meant for other people. Jensen's acting in the last two episodes was giving us "DEAN RECIPROCATES" but no one ever actually saying it. I think it's clear that Dean was killed for being Bi. They didn't address it for a reason, they just silenced him. His narrative was supposed to be about letting him be HIM for the first time, to say what his feelings are instead of having them miscommunicated, and instead of doing that, they just silenced him. And the more we look at this scene the more horrific it gets. The more it's a complete slap in the face and it's supposed to be. Some guy who knows nothing about the LGBT can't write a scene this horrific.

Some guy who knows nothing about Dean couldn't write a scene that deconstructs all of Dean's character development and gives Dean his worst nightmare. I MEAN DEAN WANTED TO LIVE HIS LIFE! THEY DIDNT HIDE THAT JOB APPLICATION (or whatever job related thing that was) IN THERE FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES THEY WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST SITUATION. Dean isn't Barney from HIMYM. If you watched HIMYM then you'll know Barney went from being a stereotypical ladies man and treating women terribly to being in love with a women and treating her right and working hard for it. The last episode of HIMYM (why its so bad) Barney's character development is thrown out and he's back to being a stereotypical ladies man. You don't need to know Barney's character very much to do that.

To kill Dean during a hunt his father never finished, to not have anyone at his funeral, to have Dean die young like his life didn't matter. Those are Dean's worst fears and you'd only truly know that if you watched the gin episode in s3, where they are basically laid out for you. You HAVE to know Dean's character to tear him apart like this.

This episode took all the core elements of the show and did a complete 180° the name of the episode itself is "Carry on" and Dean and Sam very much did not carry on. Sam grieving his entire life so that he good get to heaven and see Dean again. Dean being ready to live his life, despite the enormous pitfalls and learning to love himself only to be killed. "Family don't end with blood." Um.... it did in that episode either literally with Dean's death or you know BECAUSE NONE OF THEIR FOUND FAMILY WAS THERE. Not Jack, Not Cas, Not Eileen, Not Donna, Not Charlie, Not Jody, Not Claire... on and on we go. No one was there, nobody was even mentioned. Dean's funeral, no one even called that we know of. It was just Sam and Dean. Sam and Dean. And Bobby. Don't forget Bobby. But yeah Sam and Dean.

That's what the show is about right, the brothers.

Except it's not anymore. It hasn't been for years.

Cas not being there was deafening but it brought us to a major point. Becky. Becky's telling us about the terrible ending.

And many of us are wondering why would they literally tell us this is the worst ending and then... make it the ending.

Now before we move on, it very apparent many of you think Dabb doesn't ship Deancas. And Dabb doesn't care about the characters.

Say what you will about any plot holes in his writing, the point he is VERY GOOD at writing the characters, and giving us good ones.

Why do we know Dabb ships Deancas? (ill say when its cowrote, other wise its not) cowrote ep 8.02 - purgatory "I prayed to you, Cas, every night" "Cas, Buddy, I need you." "I have a price on my head, and I've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you." 8.08 Hunteri Heroici - Cas helps them hunt! 😊❤ Dean & Cas have a serious convo about why Cas doesn't want to see/go to heaven. 8.22 Dean's mad at Cas. Sam's explanation of why Dean should be easy on Cas: "It's Cas." Dean then points out how he'd knife anybody else if they did what Cas did. 9.10 - Cas comforts Dean when Dean can't take seeing Sam (Gadreel) being tortured anymore. Also tons of Cas. 9.20 (bloodlines) - Canonical couple parallel "I was there, where were you" 9.22 The angels make Cas choose between them and killing Dean and he "gave up an entire army for one guy" 10.09 Claire's reintroduction. Cas heavy ep. DeanCas date. 10.22 THE PRISONER - u know the ep where Dean beats the shit out of Cas but loves him enough to not kill him.

We COULD keep going but I think I've made my point. If Robert Singer is the guy that is like "the show is about Sam and Dean only" Andrew Dabb is the DeanCas shipper. And you could even say a Cas stan.

Notice! How in s13 for SEVEN episodes we have a story that revolves around Dean's grief about losing Cas. Notice! How often the stories in all these seasons have a focus on their relationship. THAT is Andrew Dabb. If it weren't for him doing that, we wouldn't be able to easily say after Dean's lack of a response to Cas' confession, that Dean reciprocates.

To me, when I was (binge) watching s12 for the first time, I thought damn this is really got a lot of DeanCas. So I went to look at who was in charge, who was writing. I saw Andrew Dabb, associated him with Deancas episodes, saw all the new writers, Bobo, and then I saw that Yockey is known for same sex stories and it clicked. Dabb assembled a team to give us Destiel. THAT WAS IN SEASON 12!!!!!!!!

The amount of people saying he's homophobic flabbergast me. Open your eyes! That isn't what's going on.

Imagine making a show and trying to right all the wrongs of Supernatural. Imagine trying to write the greatest love story ever told and you have the entire season planned out for it to end off beautifully, it may possibly be your greatest achievement when it's done and then boom. someone comes in and tells you you aren't allowed to make Dean bi or make destiel endgame, after he was most probably already given the go ahead.

Sure. You could imply he's bi or into cas still in a way. Still make nice-ish ending. just give everyone what the kinda want.

Or you could scrap the last season, nothing close to a canonical bisexual Dean Winchester or Deancas endgame in site. People can be done with it be happy with the show, continue to live their lives in ignorance as to how close they were to Canon destiel.

OR you can lead everyone to the very closest you can get them to what you were aiming for and then show everyone the ugly truth and reality. Light it all on fire. Burn the show to the ground in your wake. Try your darnedest to making these people's (the people saying no) pockets suffer. Show us, the audience, what happened. Show us what this show really is.

I've seen people talk about the ending being changed during covid but I dont think that happened. I think what happened was Dabb already had this season planned out before it even started. Obviously the details were wobbly but it was all lead up to this ending. Destiel endgame, Canon Bisexual Dean, whatever it was. They were ready to write the greatest love story ever told and then someone shut it down.

Imagine the pain that must have caused them to be told no when they already said yes. They must have been so excited to give this to us.

I think someone (some producers) told him what this show is "really" about. The brothers. Can you imagine, after being told no, some kinda bullshit like this is said to you: "Why aren't you bringing it back to the brothers, Andrew? that's what the shows about. What with all this homosexual stuff, you know the audience won't like that. Not really." Imagine the original producers pushing this kind of view on you. "You know when we started it was Sam and Dean. It should end with Sam and Dean." That kinda sounds like someone huh? huh.

So why give us a nice acceptable finale, when you can take every problem Supernatural's had either up front or behind the scenes and create a finale so incredibly bad that people don't want to watch it anymore.

Someone made a good point about how Sam was originally supposed to be the main focus (this isn't to put any hate on Sam or Jared). Dean and Sam are the main characters but Sam was supposed to be the focus and for Dean to have become the focus, must have annoyed the producers because... well here we are. They wouldn't listen to Jensen. The producers liked this ending. Jensen's opinion didn't matter to them.

In some ways, if this is really what happened, it can be seen as childish from Dabb. To hurt all of us like that. Yes, he's hurting the producers, the execs, the cw. But to hurt us? Yeah it stings.

But in other ways, if this is really what happened, this is Dabb showing us the muck and gunk under the shiny surface. The hate for Misha. The hidden hate for Jensen. The underlying sexism. The underlying homophobia. The people REALLY in charge don't care about us, they just want our money. He needed to open our eyes and free us, at least free the people that he was writing for. The people he sees that care about this show.

This is the ending the powers that be wanted and its a big fuck you for a reason. I dont think this is Dabb spitting in our faces for loving this show, I think this is him trying to get revenge for us.

But from here, you can see it how u want it. If this is really what happened, I'm not in charge of your emotions, if you wanna be mad be mad if you wanna be grateful be grateful. And you don't have to believe me either I said this is speculation.

Also, as for all of the rumors like there being shots to the confession scene that we didn't see, which Jensen himself implied, I think that might have been a last ditch effort to canonized DeanCas but obviously it was cut. Like the name change was pretty clear. As for Misha possibly having shot some stuff for 20 I dont know what to tell you. If it's true I dont know where the blame would lie.

I do think however, that if all this was the case, the writers were prepared to become villians here. I mean they told us the writers were villians with Chuck right? So. Who knows what went down so they could give us such a vile ending. It could've been the producers or the writers, who truly knows. I do think tho that people we "trust" did some pretty shitty things to push the narrative in certain directions so now one would see this as the actual ending that was coming.

So again do with my SPECULATION what you will. This was in no way meant to put Dabb on a pedestal or anything. Just meant to give a bit of perspective.

(Also Jensen didn't unfollow Dabb recently he was already unfollowed for years)

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

#WifeMeUp

@bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher has blessed me with the permission to turn this post into a drabble and istg yall this just wrote itself. I went a different route with the whole ‘foreign exchange student’ part, I hope you don’ mind 😘

Pairing: Geraskier

Warnings: talk of shitty classes, mentions of ISIS, talk of triggering materials in classes, so much cursing I am worse than the old men i used to bar-tend for

__________

“This class was fuckin weird. Who the ever loving fuck puts “Middle Eastern History and English 203 Combined” on the roster then does a miserable current events class with a heavy, and frankly depressing, background on ISIS? Like? Cool, I get it, teach what you’re interested in, but give us some warning?! Maybe write in the description that it’s predominantly covering some fucked up shit? Not way-back-when like one assumes?!” Jaskier had launched into the rant he was planning all day when his coworker asked how the first day of the semester was going. 

Essie just nodded at the appropriate times, raising her eyebrows when necessary as she ran cleaning tablets through the espresso machine. 

“My day is already weird enough working here. Plus! Where’s the trigger warning?! Some kids have trauma! How the fuck are they gonna know the first day is a slideshow full of horrific images?! Fucking irresponsible.”

Essie started tamping down some coffee to test the shots, “So are you gonna try to switch into something else?”

Jaskier grinned, his eyes lighting up, “Not a chance.”

She sighed, rolling her eyes and tinkering with the settings on the machine, “Tell me about him.”

“Oh Ess, he’s gorgeous. He’s definitely not from the states, but I only caught a few words from him so I can’t place his accent-”

“Ah, yes. The accents always get you.”

“They do.” He sighed like a middle schooler in the school play as a car pulled up to their little stand, “There’s more, I promise.”

“Oh I’m sure.” Essie sighed.

Jaskier handed the customer the card reader as he started pulling the shots on the other machine, “He’s so pretty. Holy shit Ess. All jawbone and eyebrows. And his hair. I wanna know who does it because it is pure white and it still looks healthy? He’s probly my height but he looks like he could break a linebacker in half. Oof. He’s one whole lotta man, and you know me, I’m a sucker for a good set of shoulders. He doesn’t strike me as the athletic type though, ripped jeans, wallet chain, Soundgarden t shirt, flannel in his belt. Mm. Tall grunge drink of water.” he paused to hand off the customer’s beverage and take the card reader back, “And his eyes are fucking gold, I shit you not.”

Essie gave him a skeptical look, “Gold? You mean light brown?”

He shook his head aggressively, “I. Mean. Gold. Straight up sunflower eyes.”

She still didn’t look like she believed him, “He must actually be hot if you’re this excited.”

It was Jaskier’s turn to roll his eyes, “I’m not that much of a ho.”

“Not a ho, you never follow through.” She teases.

_

Before they head out to their classes, Jaskier makes them each the most ridiculously caffeinated and sugar loaded drink he can think of, as is tradition. 

He takes a picture of his latte art and posts it straight to twitter with the caption “Quad caramel, toffee, burnt marshmallow, and hazelnut breve (with a penis heart) #wifemeup” then tops the drink with as much whipped cream as possible.

His first class is statistics, and honestly fuck stats. He struggles through it, remembers nearly nothing, then moves on to the combo class of his nightmares. 

This boy better be gay or bi or pan or something other than straight. 

He sat roughly in the middle of the amphitheater-like classroom and kept an eye on the door by holding his phone up with his elbows resting on the desk and slouching like a child. True to his nature, he got lost in his phone and failed to notice when Hot Babe walked in and plopped into the seat to his left.

Jaskier squeaked, clutching his pearls and immediately trying to suppress his giggles, “Holy shit.”

“Sorry, you alright?”

Jaskier stared up at him, dumbstruck for a moment.

Oooooo, English.

“Yeah! Yeah, good.Hi!”

Hot Brit grinned, setting up his laptop, “Hi.” 

Jaskier took another deep breath to calm his heart, but he couldn’t decide if the jump scare or Hot Brit’s collar bones were making it beat like this. 

“You don’t have a heart condition do you?” Hot Brit was smirking now, only looking at him out of the corner of his eye as he pulled up his notes from last class. 

Jaskier tilted his head, oh shit, he’s clever too, “No, thank fuck.” he laughed.

Hot Brit gave him an amused huff as the prof walked in and started shouting housekeeping announcements to the hall.

As the man was droning on about things that truly didn't matter, Hot Brit leaned over, eyes still on the prof, and whispered, “Oh yeah, I meant to ask you, will you marry me?”

Jaskier’s eyes bulged out of his head, frozen focusing on the whiteboard, “Uh, yo- what?” He whips his head around to look at Hot Brit, still looking forward, but openly smiling now. He set his phone on Jaskier’s desk, open to his tweet from this morning.

“I’m not stalking you, honest. You were on my Suggested page.”

Jaskier let the breath he was holding go, “Ooooohhh. Oh! Oh’ho’ho. Cute.” he chuckled. 

Goddamn he’s funny and smooth?

Hot Brit just wiggled his eyebrows, looking at Jaskier with an almost perfect mask of confidence.

Jaskier took the phone and entered his number in the messenger app, “How about dinner?”

Hot Brit nodded, a hint of relief in his eyes, “I’m Geralt, by the way.”

Jaskier texted himself before handing the phone back, “Geralt. Sounds very knightly.”

Geralt snorted, earning a couple glares, as the lecture had started, “Hardly.”

Jaskier settled in with his laptop, clicking the ‘audio to text’ button, “I guessed. With all the flannel and holes.”

The two grinned at each other before Geralt focused back on their lecture. Jaskier bit his lip to keep from smiling like the Cheshire Cat. 

Essie is gonna shit herself.

[tinyboxxtink]

“Return To Sender” *Part 2*

So I promised @objection-argumentative I would do a second chapter of this, and instead I wrote “Helpless”. So I wanted to make good on my promise. Sorry took so long babe!

This will either end here, or if it continues it’ll be a “Sexy friends eventually build real feelings for each other and don’t know how to handle it” situation. Don’t know who’s all down for that. 

Also, I did some...research, and learned how to write smut! Yay me! That sounds so awkward...but, anyway. I really thought that this story just entirely focused on that so, I did my best! (Shout out to @storiesofsvu for inspiration 😅☺️)

WARNING: SMUT SMUT SMUT SMUT. 

If you missed Part 1 

Check out Part 3

"And then he just walked out?" 

You were detailing the horrific night to your room mate, who wasn't making the situation any better.

"YES!!!! God I am so fired…." You sighed, putting your hands over your face.

"Well hold on there, drama queen," they interrupted your breakdown. "Did your boss seem upset?" 

“I mean, not really but why wouldn’t she be?” You shrugged.

“It’s not like you were texting during work or something. And he’s like, not even close to being in charge of you right, so it’s not sexual harassment…”

“I’m pretty sure discussing one’s oral skills would be considered sexual harassment babe,” you rolled your eyes.

“Well you didn’t actually say it to him! Or even text it! He just... happened to find out,” They shrugged with a giggle.

“I guess…” 

“I wouldn’t worry about it hon, seriously,” They patted your head and went back to their own room.

You agreed and went to bed, still not entirely sure they were right.

----

The next day as soon as you got to work, there was paperwork sitting on your desk. 

“What’s this?” you asked Amanda, who was your desk mate. 

“Barba wanted you to come collect a warrant,” She raised an eyebrow.

“Oh for fuck’s sake...Can’t you do it? Couldn’t ANYONE do it?” 

“I mean he did ask for you,” 

“God….great, now I have to go and listen to him gloat about he’s such a big deal, and that I’m in love with him, and blah blah blahhhh….”

“Yeahhhh, his ego’s probably too big to fit through a door now,” She chuckled. 

“Ugh...I’ll be back,” you sighed and grabbed the paperwork, headed downtown to the District Attorney’s Office.

---

“Hi, I’m here for Mr. Barba,” You greeted Barba’s receptionist. 

“He’s on the phone, but if he’s expecting you, you can go right in,” 

You figured he was expecting you. You nodded and walked right into his office where he was indeed, on the phone. Dressed in an all black suit with the square shoulders, a pink dress shirt with a black tie. God he always looked amazing. And now that he knew you knew that, he’d never let it go. 

He smiled when he saw you, mumbled something about having to call the person back and hung up, still grinning wildly. 

“Well that was fast,” He took the papers from you.

“Yeah...what did you need them for?

“I actually didn’t need them, I needed you,” His tone suddenly shifted into a seductive one. 

“....For what?” You blinked your eyes in confusion; was this actually happening?

“Well, I thought you might wanna take me up on my offer,” He grinned devilishly, walking around his desk to get closer to you.

“A-Are you serious?” You thought you might pass out right there in his office.

“Were you not?” He raised an eyebrow.

“I mean I, just-- I mean I never thought that--” your face was flushing hot, you couldn’t breathe. Of all the possible scenarios that could have come from him finding out about that text, this was the LEAST possible one you ever thought would happen. 

“...You weren’t serious, were you? I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have assumed--” He turned away sheepishly and started back to his desk.

“YES I WAS,” You blurted out in an almost deafening tone. You hadn’t been serious, but if he was offering what you thought he was, there was absolutely no way in hell you were passing that up. 

“Lock the door,” His eyes sparkled with arousal, his grin turning mischievous. You ran to lock the door as you heard Barba speak into his intercom: 

“Sarah, hold all my calls. I’m gonna be busy for a while,” He smirked, making you shiver with anticipation.

“I um...ahem…where do you want me?” You looked around the room for a spot that would be comfortable to lay on...for God knows how long. 

“There,” he nodded to a couch in the corner. 

“Oh. Right. Obviously,” you giggled nervously. God dammit, now is not the time to be your weird awkward self!

“Calm down carino, I’m not going to bite…” He smiled, coming closer to you. When he reached you close enough he pulled you into him, making you gasp with excitement.

“Hard,” he winked, before picking you up and tossing you on the couch. 

“Now you just relax, enjoy and remember-- tips are always appreciated,” he winked as he hiked up your skirt. 

You were going to say something about him being such an ass, but you barely got halfway through your sentence before it was strangled by a thunderous moan, because Barba had wrapped his wet lips around your clit and started sucking.

“OH FUCK,” you yelped, suddenly not giving a damn how loud you were being. Barba laughed against your body and the vibration traveled through you like an ecstatic earthquake.

 “Keep it down sweetie, people are trying to work,” He smirked, before going back down between your legs.

Pinning your thighs apart with his big warm hands, Barba started to work his tongue in an up-and-down motion on one side of your clit and then the other. 

“God, you’re so wet for me,” he groaned, lifting his head for just a moment, and you growled with frustration and shoved his face back where it belonged. You had never been so forward and...aggressive, like this before but something about him just brought out an animalistic side of you. 

Barba switched to a circular motion, his tongue looping up, over and around your clit again and again, catching it in a tiny whirlpool of pressure and wetness and just enough friction. You couldn’t believe how good it felt. It was like your own fingers, but faster, softer, smoother..

 You made noises deep in your throat that you didn’t even know you were capable of: wild, uninhibited, un-you-like noises.

 Barba grabbed a pillow and stuffed it over your face, trying to silent your quite visceral noise making. You couldn’t help it, and you didn’t care.

One of Barba’s hot hands left your thigh and you missed it immediately, until you realized where he had moved it to. As his tongue continued to twist and spin against your clit in a seemingly impossible rhythm, he slipped first one finger, then two, inside you, and pushed them up against your G-spot. His hands were bigger than yours – you’d often secretly admired the way they looked wrapped around the grip of his pen– and his fingers felt so much more substantial than your own, filling you up like you never could when you were by yourself.

His tongue slipped across that one spot on the tip of your clit that always set you off, and suddenly you were coming on his mouth, grasping fistfuls of his hair and moaning into the pillow so hard you thought you might suffocate. He clamped his lips around your clit and squeezed rhythmically, riding it out with you, using his free hand to hold your hips steady as they bucked against his face. Your internal muscles gripped his fingers in waves and he waited until your contractions had completely stopped before slowly sliding his two fingers out of you and into his mouth to lick them clean.

“So what did you think, as good as you imagined?” He smirked, looking down at your body, that wasn’t moving. 

“Y/N?” He pulled the pillow from your face, and you still lay there comatose. 

“Oh fuck, Y/N!” He shook you, to which you finally responded with a blink of your eyes. 

“Jesus Christ, I thought I had killed you,” He sighed in relief, grabbing his pocket square out of his suit to wipe his mouth clean.

“....I think you almost did,” You were finally able to form words; you had actually blacked out after coming because it was so exquisite.

You were still reeling from his mouth being inside you, now you wanted yours in his. You jumped up off the couch and tried to kiss him, but he stopped you.

“Oh sweetie no, I don’t kiss on the mouth. Too intimate,” he shook his head with a “no” motion of his fingers.

“Oh...um...sorry,” You suddenly became very insecure and awkward once again, realizing what had really just transpired. He was actually just proving to you that your thoughts were warranted, nothing more.

“So um..do you want me to….?” You gestured to his very obvious erection poking through his suit.

“I mean...if you want to,” He shrugged nonchalantly.

“I mean I just...um, I’ve never….” Your face grew hot and you twirled your hair nervously. Barba’s face went from a smirk to a look of horror.

“You’ve...You’ve never….Christ don’t tell me you’re a virgin, Y/N,” His hands went over his head in a stressful manner.

“N-NO, I’m not! I’ve had sex…” You looked everywhere but his eyes as you added “...Once,” 

“...And have you ever had...that, done?” He raised an eyebrow.

“...Kind of?” You thought back to your one and only serious boyfriend, back in college. He had tried going down on you, but halfway through he had gotten sick and thrown up. It later turned out that he was very, very gay. Yes, your dating life was fascinating.

“Oh my god...what have I done?” He shook his head with a dry laugh.

“You don’t need to do anything, sweetheart,” He smiled, putting his hands on both of your shoulders. “This one’s on me,” 

Sweetheart? What were you, ten all of a sudden? And THIS one? Was he implying this was going to happen again? Was he NOT just freaking out that he had taken your “oral virginity”? This whole thing had suddenly turned into a competition, and you were sure as hell not going to lose.

“You know what, I’m gonna go learn how to do...that,” You gestured to his erection once again. 

“And it’s going to blow your mind. Then we’ll see who’s calling who ‘sweetheart’, ok counselor?” 

“Oh I very much look forward to that, Ms. Y/N. Doubtful, but I enjoy the enthusiasm,” That cocky tone of his dripped with sarcasm as he led you to his door.

“Yeah...well...GOOD,” You literally had no better comebacks than a five year old, mostly because your mind was still in a haze from his brilliant mouth work. Dammit. 

“Very productive meeting, Ms. Y/N!” He yelled at you as you walked down the hall and out the front door onto the bustling New York City streets. 

As mad as you were, you still had to text your BFF: 

“I was ABSOLUTELY right!”

[highonchocolate]

Take Two: The Guardian in Gotham Chapter 12

First   Previous   Next   Ao3

He’s a little boy again, laughing and racing through the halls of the Mansion, surrounded by the auburn warmth and love of his mother. Her green eyes, so similar to his own, sparkle down at him as she smiles. He reaches out for her, beaming hopefully, but as soon as he touches her, she crumbles, form blurring and fading. The warmth around him vanishes with her, and then he is alone. Stuck in the cold, silent, Mansion, a gilded cage for him to perform like an exhibit on display. He almost never catches a glimpse of his father, seeing more of Nathalie than him. Piano, fencing, Mandarin, photoshoots, the never ending cycle of activities goes on and on. He is a puppet, a doll. Dancing to their tune. He meets Ladybug, bounding across the rooftops, and the warmth sparks anew. It’s a different kind of heat, red, not the oranges and yellows of before, but still bright. He jokes and laughs, and keeps quiet to preserve the peace. Then, their identities are revealed and his world comes crashing down again. Chloé tells him about sexual harassment, screaming at him for being such an asshole to Mari, and he feels the familiar, numbing, cold creeping up his spine. What had he done?! He...had done… He goes to Ladybug-Marinette-and gets on his knees and apologizes. He apologizes for being too loud as Chat and too quiet as Adrien. He apologizes for not being there, for leaving her struggling in both aspects of her life, just so he could keep the warmth a little longer. But she smiles at him, and says they’ll work on it, and the fire blazes anew. He still loves her, but not in the same way. She is his sister, his sibling, someone to care for, and protect. She is not his lover, but his friend, and somehow, that's all he ever wanted.

--- He opens his eyes with a nostalgic smile on his lips. His eyes are wet, and he tastes salt on his tongue. He reaches out to his other half, his family, and she reaches back, grabbing him in a tight embrace. He hears the green hero telling him he’s not an enemy, but he ignores him, clutching Marinette like a lifeline. As Chloe steps forward, he loosens his hug, keeping his arm around her shoulders instead and turns to watch. She saw how they cried, relieving whatever horrific memories they had been subjected to. As she squeezed her eyes shut, blackness enveloping her, she couldn’t help but feel the familiar tingle of fear wrapping around her like a cloak. --- She is five again, watching as Mommy and Daddy scream at each other. Mommy’s mouth is open in a snarl, and Chloé can’t help but think she looks like a scary monster from her bedtime stories. The one that eats people. Seven years old, and every day they’re yelling at each other, screaming and shouting mean words in the other room. She hears Mommy say ‘This was all a mistake!’ And she huddles under her blankets, pulling Mr. Cuddly closer to her chest. She hears a door slam, and her Mommy is marching away to the helicopter, and there are suitcases being loaded inside. She sees her yellow suitcase is not in the pile, and Daddy is still standing on the roof, not in the helicopter. Her heart skips a beat and she clutches Mr. Cuddly even tighter as she stands beside Daddy and watches Mommy fly away. Does Mommy not love me anymore? She is eight and her Daddy is running for Mayor. He’s too busy to spend time with her, so he buys her a phone to say sorry. She takes it, but there is a weird feeling in her chest, like something is missing, and it doesn’t disappear as she sits alone in her room, playing some mindless game. Nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Daddy spends less and less time with her, buying more and more gifts to try and make up for his absence. The gifts fill her room, but they don’t fill the empty space in her heart. Sabrina tries, but Chloé knows she doesn’t really like her. She’s only doing it because Chloé gives her gifts too. Then Marinette comes along, and Chloé feels her hatred grow. How come her parents spend time with her?! What makes her so special? ... Why don’t my parents spend time with me? So she huffs and bullies and wraps herself in a cloak of thorns, keeping everyone at arms distance so that she won’t be let down and left alone again. She has Adrien, of course, but she knows she is using him. And he lets her use him, moving through the motions like a doll. 

Then Ladybug soars through the sky, catching her as she plummets from Stoneheart’s grasp, high above. Bright blue eyes and signature red, and Chloé watches from below as she flies, wishes and dreams kept secreted away in her heart. 

She finds Pollen’s comb, and suddenly her wildest dreams have sprang to life. She is a superhero! She can stand beside Ladybug and Chat Noir, and everyone will love her and her parents will be proud, and maybe now they’ll stay…But Ladybug is mad, and everyone hates her, and she knows Mommy Mother is already disappointed. So she carves a wall of ice and frost around her heart, and wraps her thorned cloak tighter around herself.

And then a Miracle happens, and Ladybug forgives her, and adds her to the team permanently. And they reveal their identities, and she apologizes to Marinette and Adrien because she knows she was wrong, and they give her a second chance. 

And her heart is racing and she can’t hear properly because the only thing she can understand now is the simple thought running through her brain over and over.

Permanently? They’re staying? I’m staying? They won’t leave me..?

And they are a family now, and she is loved, and there is Kagami, looking at her with that knowing glint in those deep brown eyes, reaching over to pull her into the warmth of her arms, and finally, finally, that empty space is full again. 

---

She saw the familiar darkness of her closed eyelids again, signaling the mind search was over, but she kept them shut for a moment longer, savoring the memories, the love. Only, she didn’t need to savor them, she remembered, because they were right here.

And so she opened her eyes, and saw her friends standing right there, arms already outstretched to pull her into their comforting embrace. Grinning, she let two sparkling tears roll down her cheeks. Only two, for the childhood she never fully had, and the family she finally found. 

Kagami was a creature of discipline, and as she closed her eyes, she willed her breath to stay even, her heart to continue its pulse, and her hands to remain steady. 

---

“Again!” Her mother’s harsh demand cracked through the air like a whip, sending ice skittering down her spine. Her face stung from where it had scraped on the concrete, it’s cold temperature soothing her scratched skin. Her arms trembled, refusing to bear her weight as she struggled to push herself up in time to block the next blow from her mother’s boken. With a grunt, she parried and thrust, only to fall flat on her back with a grunt.

“Again!”

A whirl of movement, then her knee screamed with pain-

“Again!”

She stood on shaky feet, raising her foil, only to get knocked down seconds later.

“Again!”

“Again!”

“Again!”

So she rose, and she fell, and she rose again.

Nothing she gave was ever enough. She bled, and she cried, and she worked herself to collapse, only to be rewarded with another training session, harsher criticism, and higher standards for her to meet. Nothing she did was ever enough. She was weighed down by the expectations of her mother.

And then she met Adrien, and she knew they were only forced together for their parent’s benefit, but how she longed for his love. For any love.

So she told herself she loved him, and he loved her, ignoring how she felt nothing as she looked into his eyes. She knew she was stubborn, and had a tendency to do things on her own, but even after she messed up as Ryuko Ladybug gave her a second chance.

It was...surprising to say the least. She had expected a scolding, and harsh, cutting, words, but instead she had revived another try, and words of encouragement. She felt a smile tug her lips upward, as she stood and charged into battle. And then, to her surprise, she was given a permanent place on her team. They never expected her to work herself to exhaustion, they accepted what she gave, only pushing her gently. And it was after their identity reveal, when they were talking about romance, and crushes, and that sort of thing did she realize she wasn’t messed up.

“Well, I’m totally bi,” Marinette giggled from where she lounged on a nearby chaise.

“Really? Nice. I’m lesbian as fuck.” Chloé spoke as she braided her hair.

“Ay, it’s a fellow gay!” Luka called from his seat on the floor.

“Aro and Demiace over here my people!” Adrien exclaimed, throwing up peace signs.

“Lesbian? Bi? What do those mean?” Kagami asked from her perch on the bed.

“Oh! Well bisexual is basically me liking men and women, lesbian means you’re a woman that only likes women, gay is a man that only likes men, and aromantic means you feel no romantic attraction towards someone, and demisexual means you need to form a strong emotional connection with someone before experiencing sexual attraction.” Marinette explained.

“Oh,” Kagami frowned in thought. “So it’s not..bad to like other women?” 

“Of course not!” Chloé exclaimed, looking scandalized at the thought.

Her friends had taken it well.

Her mother, however, did not. Although most Japanese were okay with homosexuality, Tomoe Tsurugi wanted a biological heir to continue their bloodline.

“You’re just confused, Kagami. This is why I don’t like you spending time with those friends of yours. They talk about all these things, and suddenly you start thinking that you are like...that. Stop this foolishness at once.”

She hadn’t raised her voice, but the disdain was clear in her tone. And with those words, the fragile shell of joy she had built around herself shattered in the face of rejection.

She opened her eyes, feeling as though someone had reopened her scars and left the wounds bare and bleeding on display.

Her eyes were dry, and the salt of tears was not present on her lips, but she felt bad though she had cried for hours. With a small shudder, she grabbed Chloé’s hand and allowed herself to be pulled into a warm embrace.

And then it was Luka’s turn, and there was no hint of nervousness on his face as he closed his eyes.

---

Scenes burst to life behind his eyelids in a flash of color and sound. He was five again, creeping down the hallway on their boat in the direction of the muffled sobbing emanating from his mother’s cabin. “Maman?” He questions uncertainly, pushing open the door and allowing a thin ray of light to shine on his mother’s tear-streaked face. “Maman are you okay?”

Anarka’s head jerked up at his voice, hands coming up to wipe at her cheeks.“I’m fine, baby. Mama’s just feeling a little sad today. Why don’t you go play with Jules, huh?”

“Okay Maman. I love you!” He walks back to his room on small feet, knowing even then, that his mother’s sadness stemmed from larger problems. Six years old and he still struggles with speaking to other kids. Miss Adeline says he’s just shy, but he isn’t. It’s just hard to find the right words to use. 

So he uses music to speak, and in every strum of his guitar there is a word; in every measure, a sentence; every song is an expression, an exclamation, a lament, that conveys more than words ever could.

He still struggles with the words sometimes, and he focuses on all his friends too much, so sometimes he forgets to focus on himself. But that’s okay, because everyone tells him to be empathetic, and put other people’s needs before his own, so that’s what he does.

And then Ladybug asks him to be Viperion, and he can’t say no. So he accepts, and watches time and time again as his friends and family die before his very eyes, bodies slack, eyes unseeing, blood everywhere. But he knows she can’t bear this burden alone, so he keeps marching on. 

And on.

And on.

He opens his eyes to the still-haunted faces of his friends, looking at him with concern.

He gives them a smile to assure them he is fine, he is not and then turns to Martian Manhunter with a polite expression on his face. “Now that we’re all cleared, what’s next?”

---

@laurcad123, @liquid-luck-00, @toodaloo-kangaroo, @stainedglassm