#this is makign me angry

[bedforddanes75]

oh my od please actually ask him out please he likes you he told me

NOOO THTAS SO SCARY what if h edoesnt like me and im actually really ugly and its really embarrassing Help meeeeeee

[mystery-star]

My sister: BRO. Shut up. I can't hear people's sounds anymore for today. I'm so at the end of my nerves and can't deal with people anymore. *10 mins later* Sister: Bye, I'm off to be seeing a couple of friends

[ganondoodle]

i have seen people talk about how hard it is to draw anything if you have aphantasia (which is good to talk about and true and valid and also intersting to read and this post isnt to devalue that, two things can coexist etc etc)

i personally struggle with the opposite; i have incredible imagination, i'd say it's my best and only "inate talent", (this is not a brag ..) all stories i think about are movies, i can stop them, change camera angle and poses, rotate ever object however i want, place lighting sound and voices, even styles, i switch from ghibli to botw to fortiches style, even into the style of a comic i recently read which wasnt even animated, the only thing that only works half the time is music-

and that all might sound fantastic, but its a mess, it goes too fast and too quickly, things never play out one way, theres interruption, involuntarily sudden changes to other subjects, i feel like struggling to keep an angry horse on one path, it makes me waste HOURS each day just reversing and redoing a scene like im a movie director wizard in my head, theres no ONE finished version, it changes everytime yet i go back over and over again to make it better, i forget most of it within a few hours anyway; even IRL when someone tells me about a memory and they are not sure if i was with them during it once they start to explain trying to make me remember it instead i will imagine it, in the end i wont be sure if i actually remembered or if i just imagined it too real, it scares me how much i forget and cant remember only for my mind to make shit up, makign me doubt my own memory (its weird how it works, i have horrible geographical memory, when i drive somwhere i have known my entire life i need to remember the path to it by imagining driving it, i remember significant things but not the path to them or how they connect or in what order, i have to go through it in my head every single time)

by far the worst part though is that extreme disconnect between whats in my mind and what i can do, just because i can imagine things like that doesnt mean i can draw it (god i WISH), nothing i have ever drawn is how it was in my head, the few things you get to see are the ones i won the fight against myself with to keep going and say 'good enough' at some point the speed is a problem too, the things playing in my head, sometimes even multiple at the same time, play like, again, a movie, whatever im trying to draw is rarely ONE thing, its a whole scene that plays over and over, i want to draw it all but it wont work bc my mind is too fast and i am too slow, it makes me try to skip ahead and get things done as fast as possible, it NEVER works (also too much, theres so many things in my head, i have almost the entirety of the totk rewrite in my head already, novels worth of lore and story for my other projects, its overwhelming how much is in there that i cannot get out and on paper)

its why comics take me so long to make, why detailed paintings are so rare, its the rare times i can force myself to try and tune out my mind and just work on what is in front of me, usually works for a few hours .. if i can manage to reach that sort of focus at all, its why basic sketches of characters are so much easier to do bc i dont have to fight as hard to just draw a character doing nothing- as soon as i want to make it a sketch page of things and scenes the movies are back and are there to haunt me until i cry and give up after hours of trying to keep up with my mind that i will never be able to catch up to (and this is only about drawing .. )

i know skill and speed increase over time, but i wont ever get to where my mind is, its always ahead and trying to skip and jump towards it only makes me stumble and fall flat on my face- maybe its ADHD, maybe its the autism, maybe its the depression, maybe its just me, maybe its just all of that

what im trying to say is, head full, too much thought, too fast, never able to translate it into viewable things in the way and speed as my head works, i explode

[ssasides205]

had a realization that's making me insane but we as a fandom weren't angry enough abt sunshades

also, this is entirely related, so I'm dragging them here too, but the voltron fandom was not angry enough abt Shiro's sudden gayness

now, the similarities are these:

both were retconed gay during the second half of their series

both were given their "endgame" romantic interest at the very end of their series (yes I know TOA exists now, but it came out in 2016, 2 years after BOO)

both fandoms became really weird abt those who dared to have shipped the character with a girl (Nico was canonically gay for longer than Shiro was in their respective media, so it's very rare to see those old ships, but they exist all the same)

both fandoms were all too happy to start extreme shipping them with their last minute love interest (the voltron fandom latched to Adam so hard it makes the sunshades seem tame, Curtis way less so)

the differences:

the voltron fandom should've been angry bc Shiro hadn't had any buildup as a gay character (whatever shippers saw notwithstanding), the problem being that if the show had gone with it's original Shallura plans (I saw this in like a commentary on how the show got made), they would've had to make someone else queer (for bait reasons), and they couldn't make hunk queer cause they did the whole thign with Shay, and Pidge was the youngest so like,,, they couldn't make keith queer cause he's the only "white" character and therefore has to be the token straight protag, and if they made Lance queer without makign klance happen I think something would've exploded.

so last minute gay shiro, burry your gays trope included! but oh, don't worry, he gets married to this random two seconds background character in the end!!

the PJO fandom, on the other hand, went through more than half of HOO watching Nico and Jason be like thatTM and then just, acepted will? the same ppl who tell you valdangelo wouldn't happen cause they had only one interaction? those ppl??

what, they just took the 1.5 bit at the VERY END of BOO and ran with it? I know lack of representation was a lot worse back then, but if that thing came out now I don't trust y'all to call it out like you should

like, I remember spending that whole scene being like "who the fuck's this guy" cause I didn't register background characters unless they were plot relevant, and nothing about that scene was all that romantic either

it makes me so angry, and when they announced the show I hoped they'd make it as close to the books as possible bc then maybe more ppl would see it two, but apparently Riordan added to the first series post-fact? and the tv series is already making changes?? and they'll probably work sunshades into it earlier bc of TSATS but gods, even if they don't it might still not happen, bc y'all just settle for scraps.

anyway, sorry for the rant, I jsut wanted to get it off my chest, and sorry if I offended y'all, I just think you deserved better.

[chiefatticcreator]

Prompt: Nora teases the hell out of Jaune by giving him a footjob under the table during a team lunch in downtown Vale.

"Is there something wrong, Jaune? You haven't eaten anything in five minutes."

And of course Nora was the one to ask that question. As if she truly had no idea, as if she was actually concerned about him. She asked him that question with the same cheer and curiosity she always showed towards her teammates.

"Maybe he's just not hungry today." Ren shrugged, barely looking up from his plate.

"You do look a bit strained, Jaune." Penny added. "are you alright?"

Jaune gulped, and nodded.

"Yes... I.. I'm alright, Penny. Thanks for asking. I'm fine, really. It's just... something in my breakfast hasn't passed well."

"Maybe the milk was expired?"

"I didn't have any problem with it."

"So poor Jaune has a fragile stomach?" Nora was again teasing him, when she knew perfectly well why he was so skittish and on edge for the past fifteen minutes.

He could feel her sock-clade foor rubbing against his crotch now. She had escalated things so quickly. one second Jaune hadn't really been sure why he could feel her foot bump against his ankle, the next moment her shoe was off and she was rubbing his thigh, makign him nearly choke on his mouthful of food.

And then her foot had moved up, closer and closer to his crotch. Rubbing, stroking, teasing him. If he had been calm and collected, Jaune would have admired Nora's skill. Both the footjob itself, and how well she hid it. her expression had not changed in the slightest since she had begun, and she had shared in their conversation as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. As it was, Jaune was too frustrated, pent-up, angry and annoyed to really think anything positive out of the situation. Getting up to go the bathroom was out of question, as Ren and Penny would clearly see his hardon, and that would be admitting defeat on top of that.

"Nora, stop... making fun of me." Jaune grunted.

And dessert hadn't even arrived. The torture wouldn't end for a while.

[hugs-and-murder]

i got banned from a discord server for stupid reasons and i'ma angrily rant about it

The RainFall Virus MLP AU Discord server is so god damn confusing, if you see a link to the server or someone recommends it to you, ignore it and do not join, their rules are so god damn jank. -My first warning was because i posted the ship "KidsCove" from TSaMS and they all got defensive and demanding that foxy is and will always be a kid in a suit when he's not and they said it was makign people uncomfortable [no one said anything like they weren't comfortable, in fact i got compliments on the art, only the server owner said that it was "making people uncomfortable"] -Second warning, i posted a picture from be drawing a goofy image of moon and monty kissing from an episode of mgfs [clarifying, it's not IN an episode, it's more like, what they did while drunk kind of thing] and they gave me a warning and said it was "adultry of 2 characters" when it was litterally just kissing?? -Third warning, the kick, my status???? my fucking status dawg?? my status relates to my character i am on discord, it's an AU of Jack Kennedy from DSAF and Eclipse from TSaMS, if you know the communitys, in my au jack is a whole simp for eclipse and follows his every command, so my status is "His Willing Servant <3" since it's something jack would write if he had a status, and they said "your status isn't appropriate seeing as you are a minor and other minors use this server aswell" keep in mind, they didn't tell me my status was bad, they just said "it's making people uncomfortable" when not a single person was online at the time other than the owner and a few ADULT mods, no one said anything abut my status and i think it is overly strict for a small server like that to be acting like that, as i was really respectful to the members and mods when actually chatting. I need to know if these are valid or not, because i am really confused and angry at the moment

[murdercene]

everyone looks so good. but matt looks SO GOOD it’s actually makign me a little angry

[cdelphiki]

I have been sick all week, and my stomach has revolted against everything I’ve put it in.  So what on earth possessed me to eat half a bag of sour gummy worms just now?

[forgottendance]

Apparently, for my sister, the horrors of wearing a mask at home outweighs to value of having her younger sibling come visit

And she doesn’t see how this is a problem

[alreadyknew-blog]

i might take another actual break from this blog bc tg stresses me out i get too worked up over it lmao.

[btxtreads]

Hero

CHAPTER 10: SOMETHING ABOUT THAT SUNSHINE (PART C)

↳ Pairing: Kang Taehyun x Reader

↳ word count: 905 words

↳ rating: G

↳ genre: angst, P A I N

Hand in hand, the two teens walked side-by-side. Y/N was laughing as she told Taehyun stories about her and Beomgyu when they were children. In turn, the boy told her all about the shenanigans he and the rest of TXT got up to these past few years.

Y/N gasped as they finally arrived back on the beach, feet digging against the sand.

“We’re back!” Y/N cheered as Taehyun laughed, pulling her over to him.

He leaned his head up, connecting her lips with his once more. His hands reached up to cup her face as she responded to his kiss, head tilting to the side as their lips softly glided against one another. As they kissed, the sound of laughter reached their ears—making Taehyun pull away and flinch back as a group of beach-goers passed by—ignoring the two of them.

“What’s wrong?” Y/N asked as Taehyun reached back into his pocket and pulled out his sunglasses.

“We’re back in public.” Taehyun mumbled as he wore the glasses and turned to face her once more. “Look, you and me—I—This can’t happen.”

A hurt expression came to Y/N’s face as she stepped back.

“What?” Y/N asked. “But, I thought you and I—We—We like each other don’t we?”

“I do, I like you so much, Y/N. I swear.” Taehyun said, sighing. “But we can’t.”

“Why?”

“I can’t be photographed, okay? I can’t go viral, I can’t go in reports.” Taehyun explained. “I can’t lose that movie deal.”

Y/N was silent, watching as he flinched once more as another group of people passed by them.

“It’s me, isn’t it?”

Taehyun’s looked over at her, confused.

“What?”

“It’s me. I’m normal, you don’t want to be seen here with me.” Y/N explained. “It’s that, right?”

“No, I—“

“Then what?” Y/N asked, temper flaring as tear threatened to spill out of her.

“I—“ Taehyun started, voice soft. “You’re ordinary, Y/N. Nobody knows you.”

Y/N nodded in understanding, an angry laugh bursting out of her as she looked away.

“Right.”

“No, listen to me,” Taehyun said, grasping her arm. “I’m protecting you.”

Y/N didn’t reply, ripping his hands away from her. A wave of sadness washed over Taehyun as he watched her slowly walk out of his reach. He stepped forward, nearing her.

“Y/N, please.”

“You know, I don’t get you.” Y/N said. “One minute you’re kissing me and telling me you like me so much, and the next you’re telling me you’re embarrassed of me?”

“I’m not!”

“Oh, really?” Y/N asked.

Y/N couldn’t hold back anymore—tears were slowly rolling out of her cheeks by now. Taehyun watched as she angrily brushed it aside with her wrist.

“If I were Aera, you’d go out there and make sure someone would go take our photo, right?” Y/N said. “You’d make sure someone would see you kissing me.”

“No, Y/N—It’s not because of that.”

“Then what?!”

Taehyun watched the girl heave angrily. He sighed.

“Y/N, the press—those people are piranhas. They’ll come take a story, they’ll take your photos—they’ll say too much shit.” Taehyun explained.

Y/N shook her head, chuckling.

“I’m done.”

She turned her back on him, walking away. Taehyun ran after her, taking her hands in his. She turned back, pushing him away angrily.

“Y/N, please.” Taehyun pleaded. “I can’t—please don’t say goodbye yet. I don’t want to lose you like this.”

“How about you don’t lose me at all? How about you take this and we pretend we don’t exist? You won’t lose me—this thing between us never happened. You never met me.” Y/N asked angrily. “To you, I’m just Beomgyu’s loser friend from when he was a kid that he never talks to—you don’t know me. To me, you’re just some obnoxious pop star in the media.”

“Y/N—“

“Don’t worry—that’s all we’re ever going to be to each other, right?” Y/N asked, slowly stepping back. “Because I’m me—I’m ordinary. That’s all it is, that’s all it’s going to be. So, don’t worry. I won’t talk about you. I never knew you.”

Taehyun looked down as Y/N ripped the camera bag off of her body and shoved it in his chest. A hurt expression crossed his face as he took it in his hands.

“Please don’t leave me.” Taehyun mumbled, makign the girl shake her head angrily.

“Take your memories.” She replied, softly this time, head turned away from him. “I don’t want it anymore.”

“Y/N,” Taehyun said, walking closer. “I don’t want to let go of you—I don’t want to lose you. I l—“

“Don’t.” Y/N replied softly, looking back at him with a hurt expression. “Let’s stop saying things we don’t mean.”

“I’m just trying to protect you.” Taehyun said. “The media is going to eat this up when it gets out. They’ll ruin everything—I don’t want to ruin this.”

“They don’t have to.” Y/N shook her head. “You already did.”

Taehyun could only watch as she turned and finally left him—clutching the camera in his hands as he felt his heart break apart. As she walked away, Y/N let herself break away.

She was ordinary. He came from the stars.

It was never going to happen anyway.

[usopp-writes]

This is the true family

This is inspired from this prompt by @writing-prompt-s

It had been years since he left his home village and build himself a home deep in the forest, living of said forest. The first few years he'd been content and lived peacefully. Then one day, when he was on a hunt, he spotted a kid walking aimless around, crying. Putting his riffel away - there was no point in keeping it off safety, since the kid had probably scared off all animals - he approached the child.

At first the kid froze and the ran away, but stumbled over his feet and fell, makign him cry even more. The man calmly followed the boy and crouched down on one knee, as to appear less intimidating. "Now, now, don't be scared. Let me patch you up and help you back home." He spoke softly and pulled out a handkerchief, before gently and very careful dusting off the dirt of the boy's knees.

"I'm Edward, Newgate Edward." He formally introduced himself, as he vaguely remebered that a kid shouldn't talk to strangers. And to somehow break the ice. It'd been a long time since he had last talked to a human being, though he often had spoken to the birds and animals around his house.

The boy sniffed and flinched, when Edward dusted of most of the dirt from his knees. "I'm ... Fossa and ... I have no home. Mom and dad said it is my duty to be in this forest." The words made Edward stop and look confused, but the boy looked just as lost about this, as Edward did. The older man wondered what kind of parents would kick their own child out, especially at this age.

"How old are you?" Edward asked softly, as he put the handkerchief back into his pocket. Stuttering, sniffing and crying, Fossa managed to tell him that he was 7 years old. He was younger than Edward had first thought, which only made him angry at the parents and feel heartbroken for the child.

"Do you want to learn how to hunt and live in a forest? I can teach you and I can also teach you to fight." Edward felt a little lost on how to talk to a child - he'd never been good at communication, but he had a big heart and couldn't turn his back on a child. His first thought was to bring the child back to his parents, but since the parents had dropped him here, then he knew that the parents would just drop him off again. So there was no other option than to take him in and try his best to raise him into a strong adult, so he could go his own way.

Fossa nodded and grabbed the hand of the man, who was so kind to him. Smiling, Edward picked up the boy and let him sit on his shoulders. Then he started to tell the boy all he know about hunting. He took Fossa to the lake near his housee to hunt some ducks. Little did Edward know that this was the beginning of a whole new life style.

Every year - on the some date - Edward came across another child, kicked out from home. One year, however, he learned the harsh true. The children were an offering to the God for divine protection of the village. Edward didn't even want to think about how many children he hadn't been able to safe and take in.

With time - it was the third year after Edward found Fossa - some bandits had decided that the lake was now their territory and tried to force Edward and his now four sons out, to little success, as Edward wasn't one you could easily defeat. He'd lived at the lake for many years, so he knew where to hide and take out any bandits trying to get to him. He'd built the house and extended it on his own, so he was physically stronger than the bandits. He was alaso a skilled shooter, so he could easily take them out without much effort.

He taught his sons to protect themselves and their home. The bandits still keeps trying to take the Newgates down and cuht up on the abandoned children. They managed to 'rescue' a few themselves and so both side were in constantly conflict, though Edward never initiate a fight. He just stopped them.

--- Several years later ---

"How is it gong, Marco?" Fossa asked the yong boy, who'd come to live with them the year prior. Marco was only 7 years old, but already a promising fighter and hunter. He'd been the youngest of them all, when he was abandoned, but he had wuickly adapted to the new way of living and was adored by his brothers.

The blond looked up and pointed at the trap he'd just finished. It wasn't perfect, but definitely better than the day before. A pleased hum left Fossa. Marco wasn't mute, but he had a sore throat and had been told not to speak to much, which the boy had taken to heart.

"That's really ..." Fossa was interrupted, when he could hear the crying of children. Marco too turned his head where the sound came from and was about to move, when Fossa took his hand. "Stay with me." Then he started to move towards the sound, having an idea what it could be, but confused to why there were two children. It could be they were just lost.

After a few minutes, the two spotted two children, one around Marco's age, the other barely 4 years old. They didn't see the two others approaching them. the older was holding the younger, trying hard not to cry, but was clearly unable to.

"Are you lost?" Fossa spoke softly, knowing that he would startle them, no matter what. The older stopped crying, tightening his grib on - what Fossa assumed to be little brother - and amde a face as if he wanted to glare at them, but it didn't come off as intimidating, as fear was clear in those brown hues, as was the sadness.

Marco tilted hsi head and blinked confused, then tugged on Fossa's arm and pointed at himself, the boys and then at some random direction. Fossa had n idea what Marco was tryin to say, but then the little boy spoke up, sniffing. "You're ... the boy ... from last year?" At this Marco nodded and Fossa understood that the two boys were from the village that Marco and he were from too. That meant they were also an offereing for the God. It was the first time there had been two boys, as far as he knew.

"I'm Fossa and this is Marco. Do you want to live with us? We are a few more and Oyaji. He's the man adopting us, after we were dropped off like you." He smiled freindly and extended his hand towards them. It was then a bullet passed his face and he spotted some bandits rushing forwards them.

Letting og of Marco's hand, he stormed towards the two boys to be between them and the bandits. "Marco get them home. I'll take care of these morons." He commanded. Nodding, Marco grabbed the hand of the older and started to run, forcing the two boys with him. The younger started to cry in fear and ran with the blond.

Fossa knew the bandits wouldn't harm the children, they were here to recruit them after all. So all he needed to focus on was taking them out and get back home. Taking out his knife, he skillfully took out the bandits, though did get wounded and humped back home after an intense fight.

When Marco stopped, they were in a nice backyard, where some of his brothers were gardening and chilling. He got the attention of one and he came rushing to the young blond. "Marco, what happened? Where's Fossa?"

Panting, he pointed first at the two boys. "Abadoned like me, yoi." He huffed out, trying to catch his breath, his throat hurting more. "Bandits. Fossa fighting them, yoi." He didn't need to say more, before his brother rushed into the forest, while another approached the three children.

"Let's get you something to drink and eat. I'm Blenheim." The teen intorduced himself to the two newcomers and pointed at the large man now coming out of the house. "That's Oyaji. He looks scary, but he's a great father." Without further words, Blenheim nudged them all towards the house, Marco keep looking back at the forest with a worried gazed, though happy that one brother had run to help Fossa.

Edward smiled softly and went to make some pancakes for the boys. The two necomers stared confused, though also fearfully at everone and everything, though stayed closer to Marco.

"Do you know Marco?" Blenheim asked, as he placed some hot chocolate in front of all three of them. The older boy shook his head, but then also nodded it and looked uttely lost on what to say. It was the younger that spoke.

"Not really. Saw him getting taken into the forest last year. I'm Haruta, this is big bro Thatch." He was still clinging to Thatch, but at least not scared enough to speaks. Probably due to his young age and the kindness of the strangers.

Marco took a sip of the hot chocolate and love dhow his throat was feeling a little better. He listened to Haruta and then petted the young boy's head and held up his hands, showing 7 finger, then pointing at himselft, as to say he was 7 years old.

Thatch finally got his voice back. I'm 8 and Haruta is 4. They chose Haruta, thiking he would be far more innocent and pleasing to the God. I snuck after them and stayed with him when they left. I can't let them hurt my little brother." He was also holding Haruta on one arm.

"I'm sorry you had to experience that, son. Family should never abandon each other. You are free to stay here or I will help you get ot another village and help find you someone who will take you in." Edward placed a plate filled with pancakes in front of them and plates too. He'd given each of his sons the same option and they had stayed.

Haruta looked at Thatch, who shrugged and took a sip from the hot chocolate, before gazing at Marco, who already had started to eat. "I guess we can stay for a little while..?" Thatch was uncertain. All he wanted was to keep his brother safe and right now, this was here. Nt with those who'd shot at them. Speaking off that. "I want to see if Fossa will be back." He added after a few moments.

Edward nodded and urged the two to eat. Not long after did Fossa come back, helped by the brother who'd run to help him - who introduced himself as Speed Jiru. Thatch and Haruta was happy that the older man got home, though also worried about him, seeing his wounds. They were assured that it would be okay and they weren't at fault. However, it would take some time before Thatch got over it and felt like he truly deserved being part of the family, unlike Haruta, who only took a few weeks.

In the end, Edward ended up 'adopting' 14 kids, became a brother to a man, Oden, who also had adopted a few abandoned kids and had his own two children with his wife Toki. He also befriended Roger and his wife Rouge and became an uncle to Ace, who called him Oyaji like all other 'kids' did.

Thanks to Roger, Oden and Whitebeard, the village stopped offereing children for divine protection and no other child had to suffer. They still had trouble with the bandits, who kept growing, but it wasn't something the three men and their kids couldn't handle.

[ashlingnarcos]

.

"let me cook for you like a husband should" immediately establishes a marriage dynamic that I am so 🥺 about…that he's framing this as not a big treat or some huge gesture but rather something that is natural and part of being a husband. Whoof

"He sang with the radio, voice rich, husky, tragically clueless to the real words." Guhhhhhh.

"You drank and balanced your head on your hand, lids droopy with sleep, or bliss, or a bit of both." Something about the balancing head on hand detail is particularly getting to me…I don't know man like atmosphere established so well and efficiently (before you smash it of course lmao)

"It just needs to be quieter. You just need to think."

"This isn’t a man you’ve met before." YEAH like french chef air kiss this really fits with the way I had kind of imagined he'd approach it all…it's two different worlds. "You can hear him shouting this time but it’s just noise, animalistic and unintelligible."

"the gesture is a grounding thing. A you’re here, I’m here, thing."

"It might be a lie." Mm sneaky I love how this setup simultaneously focuses the reader's attention on the reader character (distracting from Güero) and also kind of foreshadows/makes more believable the later reveal that Güero has been shot but low-key not cared about it a ton like mmh! We love a well constructed story!

"He half-shakes his head.

You pull your hands free so quickly that it feels violent." What I love about this is that you haven't overwritten the moment like I feel like I'd be tempted to go onnn and onnnn to diminishing returns but you're just like elegant and get exactly what you need to get in it too justrightblob

"holding your gaze like he feels sorry for you" THIS IS MAKING ME MENTAL. HE is pitying YOU. AAAAAAAAAAAH

When he answers, he sounds like he does in the mornings, half-asleep and patient. ‘They wasted your wine,’ he says. ‘You chose it so perfectly.’ angy like. -

what is it with that dialogue specifically? what IS it??? you couldn't change one word without makign it slightly different and slightly worse it just like is exactly what it should be

im single. im angry. truly well done and standing ovation

it's an honor to have been included in the prompt!!! thank u for writing it 💛

martyr

güero x gn!reader, 2909 words, hurt/comfort(?), canon typical violence

prompts: this post & "how many times do I have to say it?“ from @ashlingnarcos 

a/n: this is loosely set in canon but in a world where you are the spouse instead of lupita, also i have no idea about gun shot wounds <3 hope this helps

You’re eating when it happens. Or rather, you were about to.

Let’s stay in, amor, let me cook for you like a husband should. That’s what Güero had proposed when you walked through the door, tired and dripping with stress from work, and who were you to say no? He cooks better than you do, when he makes time for it. It comes naturally to him. You fight with recipes like they’re written in another language. Okay, Héctor, elegiré el vino. 

You’d watched from the table as he worked, sleeves rolled to his elbows. He sang with the radio, voice rich, husky, tragically clueless to the real words. You drank and balanced your head on your hand, lids droopy with sleep, or bliss, or a bit of both. 

It was peaceful. It was like that for a while. 

Then he set your plate in front of you.

And now a bullet has split it into pieces. 

Keep reading

[trickstarbrave]

anyways i dmed for the first time and it went

worse. than usual

i forgot abt legendary actions and halfway thru the boss battle one player character entirely dropped and rage quit and refused to play they got so angry, another player kept complaining that the plot was too easy to figure out and uninteresting, my boyfriend’s allergy medication didnt work so he got rly frustrated with me and didnt understand how spells worked, and at the end everyone tried to say the campaign was ‘fun’ to make me feel better, obviously lying thru their teeth so i didnt feel bad abt completely fucking the whole thing up and makign a player flat out refuse to play and im not too eager to dm every again but my brother says i shouldnt refuse to play just bc this one time went badly

[mnhpcaylonfilmresearch]

I had a realization last night, about my work. It came from my brother and his absolute lack of fucks in a social situation, which although it can be awkward, I do admire him for.  

We were having a few drinks around a fire at Pendennis for a friend's birthday, and one guy was animatedly telling a small group of eager listers about this awesome and amazing show he was watching, and his words caught my ear, so I cheeped in asking what show he was talking about.  

He said “midnight gospel”, and launched in to a reiteration of how amazing it was, when to my surprise I heard the deep voice of my brother next to me, who doesn’t usually speak up too much in social situations when he disagrees, he tends to keep it to himself and just watch things unfold, but -  

“yeh, I watched that show and if I'm gonna be honest I thought it was total bullshit”  

I sprongled around a bit in the deathly silence that followed stuttering about how I had watched it a bit and to be fair didn’t think it was that great although it is Kinda cool in ways etc., until some defensive protests started to erupt from the group, questioning my brothers reasoning, what's wrong with it, etc.  

Because with a show like midnight gospel when you say you think its bullshit you're also essentially saying the person who likes it is stupid, because it's one of those pseudo intellectual shows that claims to be mega deep and fringe and psychedelic etc., pushing boundaries, edgy, whatever, and Theres a kind of gloaty sense of superior intelligence that’s associated with being really “into” the show like “yeah man, yeah, so deep, I get it, I totally get it”

And my brother finds it disgusting.  

I was interested at how visceral his reaction was, as he doesn’t really get fired up about much – he’s a very cool contained guy but something about this silly show and people's reactions to it really irked him something proper.  

He said yeah, yeah it makes me angry. His friends had all told him to watch it, he said, and he really tried, but it just irritated him and he couldn’t finish it – and its not because he disagrees with anything as per say in the show, just that it's all so... self-evident. Obvious. Typical. If there were layers of “deep” like a cake it would be the icing. Theres nothing novel or interesting about it really. And although I can see how he could be starting to sound a bit arrogant, bear with.

He said he just doesn’t understand, how the people presented in the sow, could be in any way legit, because if they are – for example this one guy was being interviewed who had taken loads of DMT over a few weeks or somehting, how could he then talk about it in this way, they way they do on the show?  

Sensationalised – and with this haughty air of superiority like ”

Yas I broke through the veil like 30 times and experienced total ego death like 40 times so, Umm, yah hear me out” etc.  

Like if you'd really been through that how could you be such a twat about it?

And the way people react, he said, is the worst part. As if they’ve never thought about things in this way, as if its new, and exciting.  

And I said yes Elmo but isn't the fact that their interested, and excited about it a good thing? And he said yeh its just so sad to see the state the world is in, its just upsetting that people are so disconnected from this kind of thinking, this kind of disposition

And I said yes, OK I agree but the filmmakers probably feel the same, that’s why their making this series – you see they are making it for an audience, for this audience, and so they have to package it in ways they understand, wrap it up in sensationalism and bright colors, pull at their heartstrings, stroke their egos by leading them through not very complex philosophical roadmaps by holding their hands every step of the way and makign them believe their special because they can understand.  

They hve to do this, I said, otherwise the people wouldn’t get it, and they wouldn’t get excited about it, and it wouldn’t be on Netflix – we should just be grateful that it is, because its better than nothing.  

I said Elmo you are not the audience... we are not the audience.  

And he said, yes, he does understand, but if I could just clarify  

That to be a film or media maker, if you want to talk about anything like this, essentially you always have to sacrifice a slice of your integrity, in order to make something that anyone will understand.  

And I said yes, basically.  

And then it clicked, that this is the crux of the problem that I have with my film, that Ive had since last hand in before Christmas. This is why I hated what I made so virulently, with such a sense of disgust. It’s the same disgust my brother feels to this show, its creators, and its reception.  

I couldn’t stand the way I had spoken about it – it was sensationalized, it was typical, it was myopic, it was embedded in familiar narrative tropes that just icked the whole thing out.  

Maybe to others it was bearable, even likeable, but would it be if they really understood what it was about, in the only way its possible to understand? And if they did, this film would not be for them, supposedly, as the audience has to be those who don’t already know... so, what does it matter?

A friend said, Caylon, you and your brother are a tiny minority, and you are not the audience, so what does it matter?  

WHAT DOES IT MATTER?

I do not create for the pleasure and entertainment of others, never have, never will. I do not attempt to educate, or teach, only to share what I am learning.  

When you make Art, you don’t have to warp it and convolute it and fold it into a little box of familiar narrative and easy to understand language, manipulating the audiences' emotions to illicit engagement in order to trojan horse in your message.  

No, you just fucking make it and people resonate or they don’t.  

But not with film.

So what do I do?

I want to tell a story, to have a narrative, it is something that feels natural and right to me.  

But I just cant be obsessing about the audience, or trying to make it fit into something which will ultimately make me hate myself.  

I have to find a middle ground.  

[therewas-a-girl]

He sighs, turns to lean against the counter. “Okay. Lets do this.”

Exasperation is written all over her face when she looks at him. “What?”

“You’re spoiling for a fight so lets have it out.”

She blinks, slow like a cat, like she doesnt understand.

“C’mon Page.”

It’s a challenge, and hes calm, all the way up until her face falls, washed clean of all feeling. Then he feels a bit uncertain of his steps, because he cant read her at all.

But the moment passes and something tangible changes in the room, shifts, like the tide.

Lets have it out, he said, but she just keeps looking at him, eyes wide and shocked, mouth a little slack.

You look like a little girl when you’re scared, d’you know that? Do you? How deep it cuts to know that?

Those big eyes of hers fill with tears, and he almost flinches. ‘It takes more than that to hurt me’ she’d said, and she’d meant it. He believed it too, because he’d known it all along. Known it for a while. Him though… Yeah, it’s not like that with him. He’s too close, too soft for her, too open: the wrong look can hurt him. He doesn’t really regret it but he wonders sometimes, how much she knows about it. How much she’s used to.

The tears fall, and he can almost laugh at himself, how she opens him up like a knife. How he’s surprised that she can.

It takes the smallest thing to hurt him, alright.

This is not how he wanted to have it out, but it’s all the same, isn’t it? He’d been prepared to give her someone to fight, someone to be angry at (someone to hurt, yeah. He walked right into it and didn’t even know until he was halfway. It’s almost funny some things just don’t change. Almost.) because if that’s what she needed, then he’d give it. It’s that simple. He just didn’t really catch on to what that might mean (halfway. halfway into it and as blind as the Devil, what a joke) until she curls into herself, turns away, head in her hands. 

Then he remembers. She’s Karen Page, yeah. She’s Karen Page to him, and he’s … he’s someone, to her. ‘Casually’ is not how they hurt each other.  

For one long moment he stands there not knowing what to do, hands heavy and useless at his sides. What does he usually do with those? They seem clumsy to him now, too big, taking up too much space makign him feel like a puppet.

And it’s so stupid, how she ends up always making him question shit like that, before he does some other stupid shit, like kiss her cold cheek like he’s asking for favor or saying thank you, he’s still not sure what-

Or reach for her the way he’s doing now.

She leans into him and he holds her there. Cries in big sobs, shaking, all out. Cries like the whole fucking world is ending and he’s rooted there on the spot, in her kitchen, two feet away from boiling water surrounded by her life, with Karen Page falling apart in his arms and his heart beating so hard against his chest she’s bound to feel it.

Its okay though. Hes so fucking scared hes shaking a little but its okay. Its what he tells himself, what he tells her. He’s got her. It’s okay. Jesus Christ it hurts to have her bleed out like this all over him, but its okay. She wont cry like this forever, she just needs it out, right?  She just needs somewhere safe to let it go. 

He holds her a little tighter, as something settles deep within him, like a broken bone being realigned: savage pain and then relief.

It’s alright. Let it out. I’ve got you. I’ve got you. 

Her fingers like claws balling up his shirt at the small of his back.

Yeah, I’ve got you, it’s okay

w.i.p.