#this is literally what happened to my Drow Wizard

[hauntedwizardmoment]

okay. this is. potentially such a weird specific ask but as i am over here getting ready to tpk my party who said that. what do you think would happen if for w/e reason jace's college party like. brought jace AND porter along for a mission. no idea WHY this would happen but i'm. literally just picturing the weirdest pissing contest between peregrine and porter during fights and jace is fighting for his life because the tanks are trying to one up each other so he can't even clock that he's kind of being fought over actually.

OH MY GODDDD YEAH. god. i have so many thoughts on this bc like

peregrine and porter are both like. so insecure about their masculinity in ways that i think would clash TERRIBLY. like, if this is adjacent to blood and turpentine canon. maybe their new offensive caster (drow wizard, name currently undecided but he's ysvelde's cousin) bites it and aurora's not able to resurrect him. so they need a backup.

and invidia is like "guys we're close to elmville. i know none of you like him but we could get jace" and dagbert and ysvelde are like "it's not that we dont LIKE him its that he's just. a lot of drama. with aurora and peregrine and everything." but then invidia asks peregrine who's kind of like the unofficial party leader and he's like (convinced he and jace could have an affair bc he's unhappy in his marriage and in his mind jace has always been available to him as a backup option) "well, we need all the help we can get and he's our best option" and i think the only reason aurora would agree to this is bc she thinks whatever mission theyre on might actually kill him

anyways. jace shows up with porter, to everyone's shock, and is like "you guys remember porter? he said he was free too and i figured we could use extra muscle" and IMMEDIATELY peregrine is like "why'd you think that? dagbert and i are--" and then dagbert (only professional on the team) is like making nice with porter and theyre like bonding and peregrine is like [grits teeth] okay. okay. it's fine. it's just a week in the red wastes like old times.

and porter KNOWS about jace and peregrine so he's like playing up the fact that theyre together. like jace gets hurt by something and aurora like rolls her eyes and moves to heal him and porter's like nah don't worry i got him, and kisses jace's hand for a Lay on Hands. and peregrine is fully like [actively seething] calm down calm down calm down calm down

ofc this leads to peregrine taking stupid risks in a major battle bc he thinks he'll win jace over by showing him how he can protect him. and he gets hurt as a result. and so does porter bc now he's taking damage that was meant for peregrine. and jace has to be the one to burn his 9th level spell slot and kill whatever monster theyre fighting. and he's like "guys youre both better adventurers than this?? what the fuck was that?" and neither of them want to admit that theyre kind of in a contest for who can show off in front of him so theyre like "it's nothing, won't happen again"

but ofc it DOES happen again. and again. and aurora who has made it her mission to not interact w jace at all lest she "accidentally" let off a 7th level inflict wounds and reduce him to a pile of black ichor when they still need him is like "you need to tell your little dalliance to knock it off because if you two get my husband killed i can't be held responsible for what i do. youre not even dressed like a whore this time around, i dont know what kind of hex you cast on him but fucking stop it"

and jace would ignore this because to him thats classic aurora, pissed off at him for no reason & blaming him for shit he didn't do, until invidia is like "did you bring porter to fuck with perry on purpose because that's SO you and SO petty i love it" and jace is like "no of course not, i genuinely thought we could use another tank" and ysvelde is like "okay but like, you wanted to fuck with him a little bit, right? make him jealous?"

and jace (low int) finally gets it and is like oh my god. martial classes are all fucking IDIOTS. is that why theyve been absolutely fucking useless in every fight? i shouldve gone through with marrying you ysvelde my life would be so much easier if i'd done that. and THIS is when invidia and ysvelde spill all the drama to him about peregrine and aurora's crumbling marriage and jace comes clean about peregrine coming onto him at his own wedding. and they laugh and laugh and it's like old times for a brief moment.

and then peregrine and porter get into a physical fight bc peregrine doesnt like that porter's been very touchy-feely with jace lately and porter was like "what's it matter to you? he's mine now, not that he was ever yours" or some other creepy possessive bullshit like that. and jace has to separate them and talk both of them down (well he yells at porter and is very soft-spoken and simpering with peregrine) because they wont listen to anyone else.

[thechaoticdruid]

MEET THE PARENTS

Okay so I've had this same Astarion x Tav idea floating around in my head for a while and I'm so surprised I legit have not seen anyone write about it! It's basically the classic meet the parents scenario! Yes I know we never see Astarion's parents and probably never will, they could be dead for all we know, but they are elves, a very long lived race so it's very possible they could actually be alive! So basically I'm gonna start a little fun writing challenge and tag three of my favorite Astarion romancers.

@spacebarbarianweird , @vixstarria , @marcynomercy

(If none of you are actually interested in this I'm so sorry 😭 I just wanted to do a thing.)

The challenge is to write up headcanons of your Tav meeting Astarion's parents and vice versa. Doesn't matter if your character's parents are dead or MIA this is strictly a what if scenario. And if you'd be so kind please tag some Astarion x Tav writers you think would be interested in this challenge!

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Astarion meeting Winnie's parents.

It definitely was not planned, Winnie literally had no idea her parents were even alive.

Her Gran had told her a long time ago they went missing off on an adventure after leaving their village and that they were very likely dead.

About 20 years later after their disappearance Winnie returns back to the ruins of the village she grew up in with Astarion accompanying her.

Astarion had actually insisted on venturing here in hopes of finding a lead on the drow wizard that plagued his beloved's nightmares.

The one who orchestrated the massacre of her village before kidnapping and experimenting on her.

There's nothing left but basically an unmarked graveyard. The amount of death and dark magic that seeped into the area has even brought some of the dead back from beyond the grave.

It is a horrifying turn of events for Winnie, actually seeing some of the people from her childhood roaming the land as lifeless corpses and then actually having to kill them herself this time.

Once the two of them were safe they took shelter in one of the old huts which just so happened to be Winnie's childhood home.

Astarion had to hold and comfort her as all the memories of her village's slaughter came flooding back.

At some point as they rested they noticed something watching them.

It was a wolf, with dark brown fur, eyes shining pink in the moonlight. A very peculiar shade indeed.

Peculiar but not unfamiliar as Winnie's own fuschia colored eyes stared back.

She just had to follow after the wolf and eventually it led her back to a small hut surrounded by some kind of dome-like barrier.

The wolf ended up shifting into the form of a tall muscular human woman who was none other than Winnie's long lost mother!

A short pudgy man with a lute stepped out of the hut as soon as he heard the tall woman shout. This was Winnie's Father.

Winnie was overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions with the revelation that her parents had been alive all this time!

Molly and Harry were their names.

Despite welcoming Winnie with open arms they seemed rather on the fence about Astarion.

At first glance Molly was overjoyed that her daughter had a partner so handsome and immediately began to babble on about what beautiful babies they'd make much to Winnie's dismay and embarrassment.

Harry was polite and willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. He wasn't as baby-crazy as his wife.

Then came the realization that Astarion couldn't pass their magic barrier they'd created to keep out undead.

Winnie was quick to come to Astarion's defense however, but learning that your daughter's lover was a vampire would be unnerving for almost anyone.

At first Winnie's mother even asked if she was with him willingly, wanting to check and see if she was charmed. It was honestly a bit ridiculous.

Molly was checking her neck for bite marks and nearly losing her mind and screaming when she found them there.

Harry had to calm down his wife, wanting her to give the vampire spawn a chance.

Things were a bit iffy from there on our, but eventually they came to accept Winnie's undead love.

And Molly expected a dhampir baby or two within the next few years, which Winnie had to remind her frequently that she was not ready for that and might actually never be ready for it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Winnie Meeting Astarion's Parents.

This was Winnie's idea all on her own.

Despite Astarion always telling her she was the only family he needed whenever she'd bring up the subject on if he thought his family was still around or not.

Yet the curiosity, the uncertainty just ate away at her.

His past was a mystery, not only to her, but to Astarion himself.

And they were elves for gods' sake. So it was very likely that they hadn't yet succumbed to old age.

What's two centuries to an elf?

But also she wanted her beloved to have someone other than herself to feel loved unconditionally by.

The human female had no idea how long she'd be able to run from her mortality.

With help from her tressym familiar Maddie to keep Astarion occupied, Winnie returned to Baldur's Gate in search of any old records of the Ancunin family.

Using her Hero of Baldur's Gate status to her advantage Winnie is able to get access to certain private documents no normal citizen would be able to.

She finds some old records on Magistrate Ancunin which immediately brings a grin to her lips.

Astarion's parents apparently left Baldur's Gate three years after his death.

From what little else she could find they moved to Evereska, but nothing told her if they were both actually still alive or not.

Winnie had her elven friends Vesperr and Arva do some investigating since they were constantly traveling nowadays and likely may be able to find out more than the human could.

She sent them a raven detailing her intentions and findings before returning home to her beloved vampire spawn.

He was a tad upset about her sneaking off for a few days and only leaving a note in her place, but Winnie was able to smooth things over with a little blood.

About a few weeks later a letter from Vesperr came back, telling Winnie that there were some Ancunins living in an estate just outside of Evereska. A couple in fact!

The human female could hardly contain her excitement, but she had to keep calm, especially when Astarion became curious about the letter she received.

He actually chased her around their home demanding to read it but Winnie wouldn't let him.

Soon after Winnie proposed that the two would go on a trip. A romantic getaway as she put it.

That was the cover she made up for going to meet his parents.

Luckily at this point the two had been able to locate the ring of the sunwalker so Astarion's days of running from the sun were a thing of the past.

The set off by carriage, taking Winnie's faithful tressym along with them.

Eventually at some point on the road Astarion ended up finding the letter from Vesperr Winnie had tucked away in her pack.

"A romantic getaway hm?"

The druid just smiled at her partner with a nervous chuckle.

Of course she apologized for lying and keeping secrets and said that she only wanted to make Astarion happy.

He forgave her and decided just to go and meet these people since the two of them had come too far to turn back now.

Astarion was getting more nervous the closer they got.

Perhaps this wasn't a good idea? What if they tried to stake him after what he's become?

Winnie would place her hand over his to comfort him after she noticed his stressed mood.

Winnie's tressym Maddie would also curl up in his lap and purr like a good little emotional support kitty.

Finally they would arrive at the estate where Astarion's apparent relatives were living.

They walked in, hand in hand before promptly being approached by who they assumed were the estate's security.

Winnie was quick to introduce Astarion, hoping to avoid any sort of confrontation.

Astarion's name had immediately made the guards freeze in place before then demanding he come with them inside.

They legit told Winnie she had to wait outside which Astarion was having none of.

If his lover was not allowed in then he would be leaving immediately.

The unfamiliar two elves muttered to each other in elvish as Winnie just watched in confusion. Every word coming out of their mouths sound like pure jibberish to the human female.

She then heard Astarion snarl back at them in elvish.

Winnie had a feeling they might have been talking about her due to her partner's very offended and frankly pissed off sounding tone.

The elven guards eventually agreed to let them both enter together.

Winnie was amazed by all the extravagant decor, almost getting distracted several times and having to be pulled along by Astarion who kept an arm linked around her waist.

Finally the time had come when they were face to face with his parents.

They were both insanely beautiful as Winnie assumed practically all high elves were, both adorned with fine silks and jewels Winnie had only ever dreamed to see.

Astarion appeared to have gotten his father's handsome facial features and his mother's luscious ivory curls.

Both his parents had different colored eyes his father's were golden while his mother's were green so the mystery of Astarion's eyes was still yet to be seen.

His mother looked over his face with pure shock before eventually bursting into tears.

She hugged him tight muttering something in elvish as she held him.

Astarion seemed to stiffen under her touch. Perhaps she was his mother, but at the same time she felt very much like a stranger.

His father eventually joined in on the hug as Winnie just stood there awkwardly.

It took them a few moments before the realization set in that their son was back from the dead.

His skin, cold to the touch, his eyes blood red and the fangs peaking out from behind his lips as he gave a nervous smile.

Immediately they jumped to a conclusion that the strange human woman Astarion was with was somehow the cause of this.

To which Winnie snarkily replied, "Do I look like a vampire lord to you?"

Astarion had to step in and explain what happened, he skipped all the unpleasant details to save himself a bit of pain.

While his parents seemed to become more accepting of his affliction rather fast, they barely batted an eye at Winnie.

And whenever they did look upon her it was with disgust.

Hells his father even assumed she was some kind of hired manservant! And tried to get her to carry Astarion's things in.

When Astarion said that Winnie was his lover, his mother gasped, acting as if she was going to faint.

It seemed theatrics ran in the family.

Things went rather poorly from there.

Astarion's father apparently tried to explain to him that bedding humans was not acceptable.

Winnie just stayed quiet and stood there awkwardly as she heard his mother claim that she probably used magic to tempt him into her bed.

It was then the pale elf snapped and told them off for not being there for him for over 200 years yet Winnie, a 'filthy human' had been there for him since the moment they met.

He made sure to let them know he wouldn't even have been here if it weren't for her wanting to reunite him with his 'family.'

Astarion eventually had enough and dragged Winnie out. He apologized to her very profusely afterwards.

He felt awful that she had gone through all this trouble only to be treated like trash by people she should have been welcomed by.

Winnie just smiled sadly and told him it was okay. It was worth trying.

The two hugged before leaving deciding to head back to Baldur's Gate and probably get drunk at the blushing mermaid.

Of course on their way out, one of the elven servants rushed after them with a letter.

It was from Astarion's father, apologizing for their behavior and begging Astarion to come back.

The vampire spawn simply rolled his eyes and tossed it out the window of the carriage.

Sometimes a real family was just a wild feral girl, a sassy vampire elf , and a winged cat.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

What? Did you expect Astarion's parents to be nice people?

~Druid

[wolffyluna]

Homeland by RA Salvatore Liveblog

Help, I have fallen back into the Drizzt pit and can't get up.

Under a cut for child abuse and attempted sexual assault.

I'm copy-pasting this from discord. Ellipses differentiate liveblogs that were done at different times.

I'm rereading the first Drizzt novel. It was one of the book series I loved loved loved when I was young. I am simultaneously going:

oh my God, this world building. Your legal system cannot run on vibes, sir. The implied gender ratio is hilarious (drow nobles want lots of kids, but every son after the second is killed, so a family having four daughters and two sons is pretty normal. Oh, and it's implied that polyandry is a Status Symbol)

oof ow argh, man hands misery onto man! It deepens like a coastal shelf! 😭

I'm still at the beginning, but drizzt is being raised by his older sister, and she is heavily encouraged to physically abuse him. There's a point where she thinks "wow, what could this kid achieve if we weren't breaking his spirit. ... wait, that's a blasphemous thought, I should punish him for making me think that." And Drizzt is taught to believe that surface elves are the source of all of his problems, to the point that whenever he's whipped he "cries out for the death of a [surface elf]" These people all could have been fine if they lived in a reasonable society! 😭

The book is divided into parts, and at the beginning of each part there's a section of Drizzt monologing as if he's giving an interview

And in the one where he's talking about his childhood, he both talks about PTSD-flashbacks-in-so- many-words and also "presumably things happened before I was sixteen? I remember basically none of that though" which. Baby. Let me scoop you up into a hug even though you are a century(?) old dark elf who is presumably taller than me.

...

The only way the drow gender ratio doesn't fall flat is a) the implication that commoners don't do that, so maybe their gender ratios are less of a disaster and b) it looks like only the female heads of the family can take consorts/have children, so polyandry is a little more possible

Though this does, like, raise the question of "so, you are the daughter of a matron mother, and you fall pregnant. what do you do?"

...

It's legal for a drow house to attack another in secret. It is illegal to do it openly. The justification is that Lolth likes it that way (This is a logic that underpins a lot of the drow legal system) And it could be made sensible with just one small change: Every drow house wants to be able to attack another, but wants no other house to be able to attack them. So they created norms where you can't just attack people, if you did that the whole city would fall on you ...but if you can do it with plausible deniability...

...

I have now re-witnessed the beautiful, beautiful scene where a wizard panics* and casts fireball at his own feet

*he would say he was very tactical, I do not believe him

[Seriously, I have remembered this scene fondly for years. It's Such A Scene.]

...

Oh my God Masoj just encouraged someone to take the identity of someone he [the other guy] just killed. Masoj completely failed to mention that the dead guy was his brother.

...

DRIZZT QQ

His dad just tried and failed to kill him to try and maintain his innocence.

I have so many feelings about Zaknafein.

Just. The combination of "Zaknafein was a major role model to Drizzt and is a significant part of why Drizzt is good" and "Zaknafein is Not A Very Good Person." Man.

...

Lov Drizzt

He just nearly got murdered, but he doesn't care, because KITTY!

Drizzt is this xkcd comic

...

I remembered the sex pollen scene, but man did I not remember/parse how much it was a dub-to-non con sex pollen scene

...

Something that is also getting to me on this re-read: the amount that the men of the Do'Urden family 🐛 assist with their family members whipping them, or literally taking them as a sacrifice. Because resistance would only make it worse, and this way at least you have some control

There's a really telling passage where Briza is torturing Dinin for no real reason, and he's just like. okay. i'm not going to get in the way of this process. And he actively positions himself to make it easier.

...

Help, I'm combining my love of "what if popular but misapplied blorbo song, but correctly applied?" with the Legends of Drizzt series: Eat Your Young is a valid Malice/Zaknafein song

There is no capitalism, but there is a lot of zero sum resource fights, and a lot of the conflict between these chatacters is their children being used in those zero sum resource fights.

Zaknafein has a lot of conflict about whether it's better for his son to be eaten by drow society, or dead And there's a thing where both Zaknafein and Drizzt are/are meant to be sacrifices to Lolth, at Malice's hands

Skinning the children for a war drum Putting food on the table selling bombs and guns It's quicker and easier to eat your young

And there's also the whole thing of-- Zaknafein and Malice's life is luxurious, but that's at a cost. There are no skeletons in the closet because they are displaying the skeletons openly as part of the decor

...

The Drizzt He destroyed his cage Yes YES The Drizzt is out

...

The thing about Homeland in particular is how it is simultaneously man hands on misery onto man, it deepens like a coastal shelf and how it is so much about it's opposite (it ascends like a volcano?) Drizzt could not be who is he is, could not be good, without Zaknafein.

But he's. Better than Zaknafein. Because of Zaknafein.

And there's the tragedy of the fact that if their roles were reversed, it would be Drizzt bring Zaknafein up into the light.

But. Well. Drizzt would still have to die down in the dark

...

...hmm.. I'm encountering a tempting bad idea: 50 books in a year is a doable challenge. There are 40 Drizzt books. Ergo, one could hypothetically read all the Drizzt books in one year.

[concrete-beach-party]

BG3 Playthrough: Underdark Shenanigans

Welcome to a new chapter of the world's slowest playthrough of BG3.

Why so slow, you may ask? Well, we're playing in co-op.

Today's menu: we're still in act 1, doing all the underdark stuff we were supposed to do way earlier in the game.

Who are we: my partner (wood elf wizard), me (dark urge drow cleric), Astarion (sad vampire boy) and Lae'zel (dom).

But before I begin, I want to say this: The monsters called Bulette are hysterical as a German speaking person.

For context, this is a Bulette:

Yes, I do get hungry easily, why do you ask? :)

Anyways, what happened since my last post:

The Owlbear came to my camp! Astarion approved when I tried to feed it. Aww Astarion, are we getting soft now? <3 (He then scared the Owlbear and it ran away again, but this seems to be happening with literally every companion ever)

The Mushroom people are cute. They wanted people dead, Astarion was delighted.

The Mushroom that joined us in our adventure wanted to kill the other mushrooms, but we politely declined and killed it instead. (Again, Astarion was delighted.)

The merchant woman whose husband got lost while looking for - who would've guessed - mushrooms was pretty mean to us. After rescuing her husband, she told us more of her story and yeah, she's probably justified in her anger.

Arcane Tower: It took us absurdly long to figure out how to power the magical power generator. We also got some free food and gained some mechanical poetry loving friends along the way.

Stone Drow! Again, I swear, we're doing everything out of order here. Pretty sure they're supposed to be like the second thing you find on this map. I did not expect the boss mob there.

The Drow guy whose stone condition we cured tried to be a prick, but apparently Drow are a matriarchal society and I kinda forced him to give me his research and be nice to me. (I know nothing about DnD lore)

A mind flayer away from the others? Yeah, sure, we're getting the ingredients for your wonder potion.

Ohhh, the wonder potion did not work and the tadpole is stronger than ever. Who could've seen this coming? I'm trying to be nice to people, but that guy pissed me off and I threatened him to just give me his stupid ring. Astarion stood pretty disinterested in the background and only started paying attention when we talked about money.

Owlbear reappeared!! And he finally stayed! And of course I pet him before anyone else has the chance to and what the fuck, ASTARION APPROVED AGAIN. Why does he like that Owlbear so much? I mean, I can relate, but he does not strike me as a pet loving guy.

Next up: Grymforge, but we're gonna take Shadowheart with us instead of Lae'zel, due to the whole Shar-Connection thingy there. I hope I get to interact with the boat because there's cheap approval with Astarion to be gained.

[seeminglyseph]

Sooooo I may have made a deal with Auntie Ethel, just to see what would happen… so far not a lot, but it looks cool.

So far my adventure in Wizard Hubris is going great. Got completely thrashed by some spiders and I might open the Necronimicon. Not sure yet. Did munch a slug exactly like Animorphs told me not to once the deal with Auntie Ethel fell through and I chatted with the Dream Warriors. Did make that guy hot though, even if I did not get a screen grab of him, so I guess it’s my own fault for falling for hot Dream Guys who show up and tell me the need me to eat slugs to save the world.

He is a hot Drow dude with like the chin strap marking and the burn scar across his face and the like long hair draping over one eye style while being the more muscular build with potentially Lolth Drow red eyes. I do not know who the fuck the Guardians are yet but I think I was playing on randomized and things started coming together well enough to build off of and I made Dream Warrior. Here to known as DW. Because when there’s trouble you call DW.

I do not know how old any of these jokes are from fandom since I’m avoiding being too spoiled because I wanna experience the game myself since it’s been so fun. But that does mean I’m not really participating in the fandom actively. And I don’t know the jokes people are already making.

But I also didn’t play the first 2 Baldur’s Gate games, but like. I’m not much of a Gamer period so I haven’t played most games and since most games are sequels, there has to be a point where you can just jump on. I appreciate that. But since like the only other major game series I’ve ever been seriously into has been Dragon Age, there are aspects of the series that feel like home, add on to it that DnD is what it is at this point and even not being familiar with the Forgotten Realms, I still have a Player’s Handbook, a Dungeon Master’s Guide, and Monsters Manual. I’ve seen Critical Role. Honestly the fact that I haven’t bought a new video game since Dragon Age: Inquisition and basically held off on BG3 just long enough a) to afford a computer that could run it, like it was literally outside my control that I couldn’t play this game. And b) it’s kind of the driving motivation for me to upgrade my computer when I did? Like I would have dawdled a lot longer if I hadn’t been this impatient to play BG3. I just wanted to get to it.

I suppose there’s been talk about whether one or the other is better but personally I’m of the “holy shit two cakes” mentality. And I like seeing the influences and reminders in the other. I like elves and magic and fantasy. Why wouldn’t I want more of that to thrive and survive and do great things? I love BioWare for being those local heroes which biases me a little, but it just makes me wish they had more of a chance.

[utilitycaster]

Wizard Breakdown Tracker, #135

Each week I think “man it would have been cool if I had thought of this idea, in which I make jokes about how stressed out the wizard NPCs are, during, you know, the Vergesson heist or something when we were interacting with more than one wizard NPC instead of during a dungeon crawl with only one wizard NPC, emphasis on crawl” but you know what, I persevere, because where else am I going to put song parodies about the death of Vess Derogna that are literally only funny to me? Twitter?

Anyway while I am personally team Jester, in that the faster Lucien is simultaneously disintegrated, run through in the chest with both a vestige and a holy avenger, shot through the heart (and Veth’s to blame), beheaded with a hand axe, banished, punched in the face, and sent into a black hole the better, the party has other plans. Thanks to the long rest though it has been about 12 hours, plus the 4-ish from last week, so I guess we’ll check in with a few of our other wizard friends as well.

As a reminder Caleb Widogast is a PC and thus excluded from this list.

Currently sidelined

Presumably having a good day: Pumat Sol (blissfully unaware of all of this); Allura Vyesoren (saint-like patience and a wealth of experience with disaster adventuring parties; at least this one has a cleric at more than 0.33 FTE, a wizard, and some lesbians), Ludinus Da’leth (this miserable pile of power plays wakes up every morning and is like Isn’t it Grand to be head of the evil wizard council and no one realizes I probably destroyed the first non-drow elven civilization on the continent to arise after the calamity! Fetch me more pastries!).

No idea but here’s hoping he found the cat portion of ScryTube: Oremid Hass

Lady DeRogna, taken off the scene, sorry that your murder happened while off-screen.

Trent Ikithon: I’ve established that I think the only real things that can damage Trent emotionally are Caleb paying too much attention to him so as to destroy his standing within the empire, or else Caleb ignoring him. Honestly if Trent would not continue to torture students and spread propaganda if left unchecked I think he could be slowly murdered solely through Caleb expressing apathy. So despite the amulets of nondetection I like to imagine that somehow, somewhere, Trent felt Caleb reaffirm to Essek that his top priority is still stopping the city from returning, not Trent, and it necrotized just a little bit more of his liver.

Conclusion: 7/10. I went to the OG evil mageocracy and no one knew who you were.

Essek Thelyss: Well on the one hand he’s still flirting but on the other imagine spending a literal century being like “what if we’re wrong about how we approach the fundamental basis for our society” and he just got proved right. I have to imagine he’s got that kind of stress where suddenly everything becomes dead calm and also this explains why he unnecessarily cast a 3rd level spell, which he knows could in theory cause him to lose all his hair, to impress a boy. I didn’t even get into the conversations he had with Caleb, the bad dreams and eyeballs, Fjord teasing him, Yasha being like “ALRIGHT ALREADY”, the horrible Aeorian creatures, the fact that robots might be back(?) or his ongoing terror that the Assembly is after him!

Conclusion: 8/10 but he’s like, kind of having a good time. Essek is in all ways but physical in a Hawaiian shirt right now drinking a Mai Tai and going Nothing Matters; I presume he will have a full breakdown following the boss battle and honestly he deserves it.

Astrid Beck: Others have already established the parallels between Essek and Astrid but honestly I want to highlight it because really, on the one hand we have Essek, whose world is crashing around him because he was right all along and is in terrible immediate danger but surrounded by friends, and on the other we have Astrid, whose world is crashing around her because she was wrong all along and she’s probably not in immediate danger but Eadwulf is the only person she can trust and we don’t know all the details about that either.

Conclusion: 8/10 but in the bad way, not Essek’s kind of fun way.

Wulfpupy:

Conclusion: 3/10. You know that tiktok with the blonde woman with glasses who has a lot of highlighter on her nose who talks about how sometimes if you have guy friends they will say something deeply fucked up and you’ll be like “oh my god do we unpack this right now” and then you look over at them and the only thing in their mind are the lyrics to Kokomo? That’s Wulf. He will activate the second Caleb comes back in town or Astrid actually falls apart but until then he is on Island Time.

Yussa Errenis: I wonder if there’s a small part of Yussa that is part of the city’s awareness and, moreover, can see what Beau and Caleb at least are doing, and he’s like “I’m so simultaneously proud and impatient, also we live in a world that does not have IV fluids so like, hopefully my body still exists in some kind of functioning state when I am rescued” (note: did I google “how were coma patients kept alive in olden times” for this? Perhaps.) Anyway if he is aware he’s also just like, watching all this like “I WILL GET YOU SO MUCH PAPER OH MY GOD CAN YOU JUST KISS THE OTHER WIZARD SAVE ME FROM THE EVIL HIVEMIND CITY.”

Conclusion: I mean still infinity/10, he is still trapped in the city of madness and also if he does have a small part of his mind that is sane and able to observe the material plane he also is aware that Trent and the Volstruckers broke into his tower.

Known Gem Wizard Hotsauce Lutefisk: I know, I know, weird that I brought him up. However consider: Yussa’s wizard tower now contains two wizards in suspended animation, their consciousnesses trapped in eldritch astral sea-related spaces. This is incredibly funny to me. We’re in a real Old Lady who swallowed a fly scenario except it’s centuries-old wizards getting sucked into traps because of their own hubris. The reason why mageocracies no longer exist isn’t the lack of magical knowledge or even because power corrupts absolutely, it’s because literally just put some lightly fried forbidden knowledge under a box with a stick propping it up, add your parody of Long-Term Nuclear Waste Warnings above it, and a wizard will be like “that sign won’t stop me because I CAN read and what’s more I’m better at reading than you are!” And then they get trapped in a box.

Conclusion: what is a breakdown tracker to a man whose mind has been stuck in a gem for, from his perspective, at minimum about 35 years?

[everdreamart]

Read my Thoughts

The journey through Aeor only gets more confusing as eye powers are thrown into the mix.

OR

An accidental telepathy fic where Caleb shares a bit too much to a certain drow.

Relationship: Caleb Widowgast/Essek Thelyss (Shadowgast)

Rating: Teen and Up

~~~~~

Things in Aeor are strange. Magic Especially. A teleport can send you miles away from target, and a spell gone wrong can make you bald! However, Aeor's atrocities were put on the backburner when Jester's weasel turned out to be her 'god' and the red eyes adorning the Empire Kid's bodies started to show power.

Darkvision was one thing that was quite startling to Caleb. He hadn't really noticed it with the constant flow of light emitting from Caduceus' staff and his own globules. It wasn't until Beauregard said something that it really occurred to him. Even more surprising was the telepathy. The ability to transcend one's thoughts into the mind of another. A mental link for shared knowledge. All sorts of possibilities flowed into Caleb's mind. How useful this could be in their upcoming battles with Lucien.

"Woahhhh Caleb I can literally HEAR your thoughts! Slow down a bit!" Jester marveled.

"OH Oh Beau! Can you read my thoughts??" Yasha exclaimed.

"Hey let's give it a try-" Beau smirked.

"Ok who do I love? Oh wait thats dumb.." Yasha mumbled. The rest of them started to laugh a bit.

Caleb shifted his gaze over to Essek. The drow's soft features focused on the commotion going on around him. A confused expression painting his face - no doubt from the sudden talking weasel - in a show of momentary openness. Throughout their travels in Aeor, Essek had slowly let the shadowhand persona slip away. Caleb liked this version much better. The way emotion displayed itself on Essek's face was new and nervous, but the man was truly trying to change. That alone caused something to swell in Caleb's heart.

Immediately, Essek's head snapped up and looked over at Caleb in surprise. Caleb looked away as soon as he turned his head. Did Essek hear him? He needs to get a better hold of this power. Fast. Swallowing hard, Caleb simply nodded, before turning his gaze back to their laughing friends.

-----

After a day of hard trekked travel, the Mighty Nein stumbled into the tower for a night of much needed rest. It was then that Caleb's mind started to wander. What exactly is transmitted through this telepathy? Feelings? Words? Images? The beginning pricks of worry started to crawl into his throat. Would he have to wrestle every one of his thoughts down so the others wouldn't be plagued by his memories? He glanced at the glaring red eye adorning his palm. Thick red lines seared into his skin flawlessly. Watching. Staring. Certainly these powers come with a price. And Caleb didn't know what that price was.

There's nothing he can do right now. Stay on task, Widowgast. Maybe something from the papers he picked up earlier will have more information about their enemy. With an idea for distraction in place, Caleb floats up to the library to begin opening the amber. He settles on a couch opposite from a crackling fireplace as he does so, the comforting warmth washing away the stress of the day.

Piles of books and papers fill the floor in front of him. Excitement and curiosity begin to tug at his mind. Caleb reaches out and grabs one of the dusty old tombs, tracing the foreign writing in awe. So much knowledge, packed in the papers around him. So much information to be learned and so little time.

"It's quite incredible, is it not?" A soft voice comes from behind him as Essek glides over to Caleb, staring at the collection of books.

"Ja. After our business is concluded, I would love to study more of Aeor's history and research."

"Well, we have a few moments now, do we not?" Essek smiled softly as he looked at Caleb.

And just like that, they were off. Reading through ancient texts, occasionally bouncing theories back and forth. The constant whirring of intellect trying to process the thoughts of mages from far beyond their time. It was invigorating.

However, from time to time, Caleb found it hard to keep his focus. His eyes constantly wandering back to the drow sat beside him, nose buried in a book. His thin white brows creased into a focused expression, eyes full of wonder and curiously, devouring the age old texts. The way his mouth would curl into a subtle smile when he found a particularly interesting section of text. Or how he would nibble at his lower lip when frustrated about something. He wondered if those lips would feel as good as he imagined. How soft and delicate.. Oh how glad Caleb is to have moments like these, just him and Essek.

At some point while Caleb was lost in his thoughts, Essek looked up. Violet eyes meeting blue ones.

"I uh.." Essek clears his throat. " I found a section that you might find to be interesting." He smiles and looks away.

Oh.

How much did he hear? How many of those thoughts slipped through in his tired state? Apparently enough for the subtle hints of purple creeping on the edges of Essek's ears to catch Caleb's attention.

"I think it's time for me to head to bed. I require more sleep than you do, after all," Caleb said as he stood up. It was awkward, for a moment. The silence was heavy, and he didn't dare steal a look at the drow beside him.

-----

Having your thoughts known to others feels like quite a violation of privacy. Caleb thought as he laid in his bed. I need to get a hang of this.

It took a while for him to get even close to falling asleep, for his mind was racing with thoughts.

He was on the edge of consciousness when he heard a small knock on his door. Surely all the nein are well into their sleep right now, so that means that the only person this could be is… a lump formed in Caleb's throat as he opened the door. Essek stood in front of him, a foreign expression adorned on his face.

"I hope I wasn't disrupting your rest. I would like to talk… if you don't mind?" He spoke softly as Caleb gestured him into the room.

It caught Caleb's attention immediately that the man wasn't floating, but walking instead. They sat on the couch as he responded, "Ah, I was having some trouble sleeping. You weren't interrupting anything. What is it you would like to discuss friend?"

"I ah.." He fidgeted with his fingers. The drow wasn't wearing his usual mantle, but instead the more comfortable robes that were provided to him from the tower. Caleb let his eyes momentarily linger on the way the clothing frames Essek's small figure. The way the deep blues and purples frame his gorgeous dark skin. Caleb promptly tries very hard to stuff these thoughts down.

"I took notice of the recent… developments of the eyes on beauregard's and your bodies. It… concerns me. The acquisition of such powers surely means that something was taken in exchange, and I am unsure of what that was." Essek says with worry laced in his voice. His eyes rise to meet Caleb's.

"..ja. I too am a bit uneasy about the current situation. Though it just makes our goal that much more important, does it not?" He replied, flashing a faint reassuring smile.

"I guess it does." The other wizard's gaze falls to his lap.

'That's not really what you came here to talk about. Is it?' Slips from Caleb's mind before he can even think to stop it.

The drow visibly flinches in surprise, then sighs slightly. "There was something else on my mind, yes."

Caleb slowly, ever so slowly, reaches his hand over to touch Essek's. "I'm here if something is wrong."

He is very aware of what Essek was referring to. However, he doesn't know what is going through the other man's brain, as thin smooth fingers meet his calloused ones halfway. A slight smile plays at the corners of Essek's mouth, and Caleb once again feels his focus begin to slip. He focuses on the feeling of Essek's hand in his. Soft skin, clearly not used to the harsher weather of the frozen wasteland as of late, his fingers only rough in the areas where one would hold a quill.

Strands of silver-white hair hover on his forehead, slightly covering vibrant violet eyes. Oh it is a sight to behold. Dark skin growing impersivibly darker. How he works at his bottom lip nervously. Caleb finds himself fighting back the desperate want to feel this man against him. To hold him close and study his features on a much more intimate level. Essek's ear twitches.

"I ah… I thank you for your.. Compliments..?" He stutters out as his face flushes an even darker shade of purple.

Something inside of Caleb breaks, and he finds it becoming increasingly harder to hold back the growing need to bring the wizard close.

"I apologize for not being able to return such… appraisal," the drow mumbles out, looking anywhere but Caleb's eyes. His other hand raises up Caleb's arm, settling on the crook of his neck. "I hope I can live up to your expectations, Widowgast." He smiles nervously.

Caleb's mind goes blank. Soft lips brush his own and his restraint vanishes. They crash together in feverish movements, a warm pressure on his lips that grounds him in the moment. It's so much better than he could've ever imagined. The sensation of Essek's mouth on his is something he wants to savor forever. He wants to memorize every movement and feeling of the man pushing against him, as if this was a rare slip-up and it would never happen again. Maybe he was dreaming after all, but the feeling of Essek starting to nibble at his lower lip quickly reassures him that this is very much real.

Something sharp catches Caleb's lip, and he recoils a bit in surprise. Essek immediately pulls back, a flash of worry crossing his face.

"Fangs." Caleb mutters out, breathless. "I was not aware you had fangs."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean-" he gets cut off by Caleb leaning in once more, capturing his mouth hungerly. His fingers lace through Essek's hair as he pushes onto him, desperate to be closer. More. He wants more.

Apparently Essek heard him, as the drow parts his mouth, allowing him to deepen the kiss. Caleb runs his tongue over the sharpened points of Essek's fangs, feeling a shiver as he does so. They merge together, desperate to taste each other. To explore every inch. It's perfect. Absolutely perfect. He wants this moment to last forever.

They pull away after what feels like hours, but still isn't long enough. Essek's breath dances on Caleb's lips, mere inches away. Caleb smiles and presses another quick kiss to Essek's mouth.

"I think you far surpassed my expectations, Thelyss."

[writerscarlet]

There Was Happiness Because Of You

Yet another shadowgast fanfic just came to me. You’re welcome everyone. Title comes from happiness by Taylor Swift. This fic works off of a theory I have about Essek’s current state of mind.

Caleb dragged his hands through his hair, tangling his fist in ginger locks and trying not to unleash the growl of frustration caught in his throat. He currently sat on the edge of his bed, seeking sleep but unable to find it. Much like the harsh winter landscape outside the tower, his thoughts were a mess. They swirled like the screaming winds of the storm. His tower stood against this storm, contained his, and kept his friends safe from both. He didn’t know what’d he do if someone saw him like. He didn’t know what he even say. 

Maybe because there wasn’t much to be said.

If he was being honest, there never was. Not on this. Essek Thelyss has said it himself, “I am on borrowed time.” None of the Nein trusted him and after they finished saving the world, Shadowhand Thelyss would go back to Xhoras, and the Mighty Nein- well who knows what the Mighty Nein would get up to? And yet, Caleb could no longer picture the Mighty Nein without that stupid, damned drow. No- stupid wasn’t the word to use. Essek wasn’t stupid; his intelligence matched Caleb’s own. Perhaps better words could be selfish, greedy, ambitious. And was he really damned? Essek was- is changing. The Mighty Nein gave him a chance, a second chance that they didn’t offer anyone else but themselves, and he had taken it. 

“I am on borrowed time.” 

“Yes, Shadowhand, you certainly are,” Caleb whispered as he walked to the fireplace and leaned against the marble mantle. “We all are.”

If he was being honest, he could no longer see the Mighty Nein without Shadowhand Essek Thelyss. He could no see the world without him. Maybe he hadn’t regained their trust, but Essek had gained something. Especially in Caleb- especially in Caleb. And that was it wasn’t it? Essek had gained a piece of Caleb’s heart. One of many- perhaps one of... nein. His friends, his family, and now a drow who had let ambition get the better of him. Who taught Caleb dunamacy, who studied beside Caleb, who opened Caleb’s eyes to a new school of magic that would change everything. It changed Veth- literally. 

Thinking about it made him smile. The Mighty Nein gave Essek a chance to regain their trust and Caleb desperately hoped he did- because the drow who had let his ambitions get the best of him had gained something in Caleb. Something held for two friends who worked with a vile man that had scarred him. Something that will never be given to a friend whose a floor below him, no doubt wrapped in her lover’s arms. Something that’s fragile and tender and weak and-

A knock on the door. 

When he opened it, Caleb isn’t surprised to find Essek there. He’s just surprised to find the drow up at all. Shouldn’t he trancing?

“I wanted to speak with you, Caleb.” 

Essek wouldn’t met his eyes. Shame, Caleb told himself, was a part of the changing process.

“Come in- please.” Caleb stepped back and allowed him to enter. Essek looked around the room but made no comment about its plain appearance.

Caleb led him to a pair of arm chairs by the fireplace. “Thank you,” Essek said and sat down. His hands don’t leave his lap. “I’m surprised to see you awake.”

“I could say the same thing.”

Essek took a deep breath then- finally- met his eyes. “I wanted to talk to you about- about after.”

“After?”

“After this... adventure. After the Mighty Nein save the world.”

“Oh?”

“Caleb I-”

“If you’re going to give the speech about borrowed time, I think I should remind you that the Mighty Nein do care about you, despite everything. We welcomed you into this ragtag group and that means you’re one of us.”

“I know Caleb. But- I just-”

Essek looked away. “I just wanted you to know what to do, afterwards. And... perhaps if I don’t survive this.”

“A last testament, then?” Caleb arched an eyebrow. 

“Yes.” Essek took a deep breath and looked back at the ginger haired wizard. “A last testament.”

“Well go on then.”

“When this is over, I will likely be staying in Eiselcross to oversee discovery of new beacons and other Aeorian artifacts. But eventually, what I have done will be found out. My deeds will not go unpunished. Not- not with Queen Leylas. Definitely not with Queen Leylas. I will die, eventually, for my sins.”

“Essek-”

“No, let me continue please. I will ensure the Mighty Nein’s involvement is not known. But if- if I die among the ruins I must insist that you tell the Dynasty of what I did. If only so it doesn’t happen again. Say it was a proclamation made on my deathbed, if you will. That is all I wish for.”

Essek stood up, with the intention of floating away. Something in his chest grew tight and there was a warmth in Caleb’s eyes that hadn’t been there before. He ran before Essek could open his bedroom door and leave. One wizard grabbed the arm of another. One wizard pulled another into his arms. And one wizard sank into the embrace.

“Essek, I do not wish to let the people I love die. Not anymore. You- you are part of those people. You- you are one of the people I love.”

One wizard’s lips whispered against another.

“Caleb-”

“I do not wish to see a world without you, Thelyss.”

“I- I could say the same thing, Widogast.”

Essek leans forward. Caleb leans forward. 

The kiss is salty with tears.  

[sorrelchestnut]

oh you're definitely right about Astarion being a twink. i cant believe I didn't consider it. however, he is a bit dumb if he thinks we won't figure out his secret in ten seconds. poor boy has red eyes and fangs.

You know, I thought the same thing when I was first playing, but honestly, the more I think about it... it really doesn’t make sense from an in-world perspective for someone to look at him and think ‘vampire.’  I think we-the-audience are kind of primed to think that way because of modern vampire fiction (also his fucking loading screen image is... not subtle) but in-universe the idea of a vampire being out during daylight is literally unthinkable.  To the best of my knowledge it’s never happened before.  Even a dedicated scholar like Gale wouldn’t even consider it, because it’s impossible.  They sort of lampshade it a bit with the Gur monster-hunter, who is literally looking for Astarion and presumably has a description to go with the name, and looks straight at him and is like “welp you’re out in the daylight so it’s none of you, haha!”

And I mean, this is a fantasy world with what sometimes seems like five thousand different races and sub-races, not to mention all sorts of weird and wacky spell effects.  What’s more plausible: he’s somehow the literally first-ever vampire to ever be walking around in daylight, or someone in his recent ancestral history fucked a drow?  Or he got cursed, or he underpaid a wizard, or there’s some new bonkers fashion trend among bored rich folk in the Gate?  Even if you saw the scars on his neck - and it’s not an accident that his starting outfit has a ruff that covers his throat - it’d be more like “man how’d you get bit by a vampire and survive?”  I can’t think of a single quirk he displays - yes even that loltastic monologue about ‘dripping’ steak that’s right up there with ‘I don’t drink... wine’ - that can’t be better explained by something else.  When you hear hoofbeats, you think horses, not zebras, y’know?   Like, he’s a ridiculous person, obviously, but hell, sometimes rich folk are just like that.

[dmsden]

Quartlings? – Is there a non-homebrew way to combine two races that aren’t already combined?

Hello, Gentle Readers. This week’s Question from a Denizen comes to us from an Anonymous reader, and it’s a curious one! My Anonymous friends asks, “So quick question, is it possible outside of Homebrew to play as a Halfling Firbolg? I really love both culture types and a mix suits my idea for my first character amazingly well. Maybe half Drow half Firbolg? I have ideas for backstories for both but im not sure they can be true characters outside of homebrew please help TT^TT”

Well, my Anonymous friend, there’s a very short answer to your question…

No.

What I mean is that, if you want to literally make an entity that is half-Halfling and half-Firbolg, there is no way within the Rules As Written that you can do so.

But, D&D is a game made of exceptions. If your DM is cool with working with you to create such an entity, then there’s no reason why you couldn’t play one. I would recommend looking at the stats of Halflings and Firbolgs and mixing and matching them. Try to keep a balanced mix if at all possible, and be prepared to modify that based on gameplay. Sometimes an idea sounds good on paper, but, when you start to play it, everyone realizes that it’s overpowered.

An easier way of doing this, which I would say IS possible within the Rules As Written, is to play a character of a specific race, but role-play them as if they had grown up within the culture of another. One of my friends used to play a character named Rumford the Destroyer. He was a Bugbear who had been raised by Halflings. So he dressed and acted very prim and proper, but, in the heat of battle, when his Barbarian Rage took over, he became far more aggressive and uncivilized.

Imagine a Firbolg who grew up among Halflings. Perhaps they were a late bloomer in discovering their innate magics because there was no one there to teach them. They might always feel awkward and too large, even in human buildings, because they’re so used to feeling twice the size of their family and community.

Alternately, a Halfling who grew up among Firbolgs might always feel small and inadequate. They might have honed their natural stealth and perception, because they’re used to playing hide and seek with people who can literally vanish into thin air. Maybe they always wear clothing far too large for them, because they still wear the hand-me-downs from far younger Firbolg siblings.

The same can be said of your Drow/Firbolg mix. While there’s no official half-Drow, half-Firbolg race, in a world where there are Owlbears, the idea isn’t that crazy. Work with your DM to see if they’d be willing to let you develop such a character to play.

In either case, I’d say there has to be a story reason for them to exist. Are they the experiment of a mad wizard? A warlock Patron’s capricious whim? Maybe a Drow and Firbolg became star-crossed lovers, and a sympathetic Archfey granted them their wish to have a child of their own? The life of such a person isn’t likely to be ordinary, that’s for sure.

I’m sorry I can’t give you an official way to make this happen, Anonymous, but I hope I’ve shown you that it’s not wrong to want such a thing. A friend of mine who’d never played D&D wanted to be a robot with laser eyes; I made them a warforged sorcerer. There were no 5th edition rules for the Talenta weapons from Eberron (which I hope is about to be corrected), so I helped make them with one of my players.

If it’s fun, and your DM is cool with it, there’s no reason you can’t play it.

[your-turn-to-role]

Top 5 dream list of situations you want the Might Nein to encounter (feel free to split the list between 5 angsty and 5 fluff as while I was writing this I had the horribly awesome idea of Jester going to a brothel and realizing not all sex workers have the same reputation/station as her mother, something akin to the Mighty Nein ending up in that 1 Firefly episode).

so, i haven't actually seen firefly, so i don't have a reference point for that, but wow, this was a hard one

i'm not sure i have a top five for this, because i feel like most of my "i hope this happens" situations are a lot more vague? if i get specific dream situations i tend to write fic about them and most of my fic writing energy has been in the vox machina direction lately

but here are some thoughts

i wanna meet verin

just in general wanna know more about essek's family

just in general wanna know more about essek

this drow is a lying bastard and i love him but also literally none of the information we have on him is reliable

(matt give us his stats i beg you)

we haven't really seen what shakes up caduceus yet? like we saw a bit when we first met him with the nearly drowning and we saw a bit of his family stuff recently and i was hoping for something then but like... on the whole things have been doing relatively okay for him. he's still holding back nearly all of his emotions about all topics.

i want to see what changes that, get the m9 to help him rather than the other way around

 i look forward to when all the caleb backstory stuff comes to a head and isn't just everyone carefully dancing around each other

(wanna see some fucking wizard fights, don't care which wizards)

i look forward to when they get a chance to go new places? like vox machina went all over the world, i wanna see more of tal'dorei, of issylra, of marquet, whatever other continents are out there, that could be cool

(i wanna see if the earth titan is still in vasselheim)

(wanna see more campaign 1 npcs return)

(just in general consequences of last campaign are so fun for them to run into) 

i CANNOT WAIT for the first proper resurrection ritual. obviously i don't want any of these guys to die for good, but, they're always fantastic

(and also speaking of pc deaths, caleb has some, interesting ideas about heaven and hell and what’s beyond that aren’t necessarily true in this campaign, so if he ever dies for longer than a minute i’m sure that would change his perspective on a lot)

i’m well aware that like... in terms of level, the m9 haven’t even reached the briarwood arc yet compared to vox machina, which we know was when most of the c1 plot started, so i’m excited for whatever we can’t predict down the line that’s gonna kick off everything

i’d love to see a lot of people who’ve guested on the show but not been c2 pcs play in this campaign? patrick rothfuss, erika ishii, god, will friedle is always the funniest thing, i miss mary elizabeth mcglynn too she’s like everyone’s mom, i only know chris hardwick as gern blanston but just based on that i’d love to see him again (honestly, if he wants to just return as gern blanston, i’m fucking down for that), chris perkins managed to guest on both campaigns so it’s possible

and in that vein, returning guests! like zahra and kash were last campaign, it made them joining in the finale so much more impactful and aaahhhhhhh

always down for more weird god shit

monks get ridiculously powerful at high levels? wanna see beau with that

and above all just more great found family shit that they’ve been so good at already

[lynndoublelegacy]

just a cool dnd meme i saw

Yook so it’s less a meme and more like. a big ol questionare but hey, might as well do it. originally saw it on @/probablyottrpgideas, go check them out

1. Game Master, Player, or both? Why?

Ok so technically I’ve DMed twice but I really don’t find it fun? and don’t ever want to do it again. so. Player. I like building characters and their connections with fellow PCs more than building worlds

2. When did you start roleplaying? How old were you?

oh god, if we’re talking about roleplaying in general? I’ve been doing it basically as long as I can remember. As a kid I would play House, and then once I got older in like 5th grade I actually started making characters and playing out their stories with friends. Google+ is what made me realize this was actually like, a THING, though, and I got into some roleplaying groups there, then on DevaintArt. Dungeons and Dragons is a newer development? I got into it in late 2018 when my sister’s friend invited us to a one-shot, and... well, yea, I got hooked lol

3. What was the first roleplaying book you ever owned?

dude, bold of you to assume I really own any. I don’t have that kind of money and literally only own the Guide to Wildemount, and that was a gift

4. Describe the first game you ever ran or played in.

I mean... it’s not a game but ima describe the one shot, bc my first campaign was a hot mess without a true storyline and I used the same character for it anyway. I played a tiefling bard called Aisling Kai (I didn’t know this was a cliche combo at this point, and I honestly played her like a rogue with a music motif but Whatever) and we were a little group tasked to figure out why the hell anyone who goes into this cave never comes out. So we go in, make our way through the dungeon, fight some frog people (I made one of their ears bleed just by getting a nat 20 on a performance check to play a high f# on flute, that was fun, FWEET), and turns out yep, theres a hill giant down here. We kicked his ass and collapsed the cave on top of us (dw I think we were fine but my memory is a little screwy)

5. What system did you grow up with? / 6. Which system do you play now?

i learned on and currently play dnd 5e. I don’t really know anything else, but I’m debating checking out Vampire of the Masquerade.

7. Longest campaign you’ve run or played in?

That would be my Tal’Dorei campaign group, aka The Fatefallen! Started in the Fall of 2019 and still going to this day, just played our 45th session last week. I play Ilia Liadon, the drow grave cleric, and the only member of our party who has been there for every single session since the beginning.

8. Where did you meet your current gaming group?

...well first I feel the need to mention that I have 3 different groups (2 of them are on hiatus now for pandemic related reasons but! we’re still groups). My first group (with Aisling) was formed slowly over time as friends adopted friends into the group, I think it started as a school club? but that didn’t last long. The other two started from a different school club as well, though one has since branched out into other people as well. 

9. Strategic combat or dramatic plotlines?

I am a roleplayer first and a gamer second. Give me all of the backstories and dramatic plotlines. Don’t get me wrong, I still like combat, but story takes precedent for me.

10. Favorite RPG genre?

I don’t tend to define myself by genre? But I tend to fall into more of a fantasy, at most arcanapunk style. Give me all of the magic, and magic powered tech.

11. Your first character.

I got into her a little bit earlier, but my first character was Aisling, aka Calypso Kai. She was a homebrew subclass bard with a criminal background, who honestly? should’ve been a rogue. I’ve since rebuilt her into an Assassin Rogue/College of Eloguence Bard multiclasser, but this iteration was like. Baby her, baby me new to dnd, I did not know what I was doing. She tried to be edgy, but my mom energy came through HARD and she just. Never really had a set characterization. She deserves better and I plan on playing her better sometime in the future.

12. Your favorite character.

You are making me choose between my children. BUT, if I had to pick, either Ilia Liadon, or! Ashe Wednesday, a protector aasimar drunken master monk and my profile picture. Ashe also deserved a lot better from their campaign, so I have a massive soft spot for them, they were made during a really tough time in my life (as was Ilia) and was going through an equally rough time in-game, since I made them for a Curse of Strahd campaign without understanding what I was getting into. They’re my little rebellious asshole and I love them dearly, someone get this kid therapy. Ilia, on the other hand, is just... she’s a comfort character for me at this point. mostly soft edges, such a mom- while Ashe was me yelling “come at me” at the world while crying, Ilia was just... embracing it. Making it better. basically, if they actually existed, I would die for both of them.

13. Your most ridiculous character.

I don’t usually play super ridiculous characters, but! I would say Keothi “Bookfinder” Vaimeil counts. She was basically me looking all of the goliath barbarian stereotypes in the eye, and going “nah. she’s a nerd.” She’s literally a massive puppy dog, just the sweetest big old thing, sitting in her house and reading all the books she can get her hands on in order to make up for her amnesia. Oh, and did I mention that she’s a zombie? ...yea. She’s wacky, but I love her.

14. The best in-character line you’ve ever had.

“I need sleep. I don’t even sleep and I need sleep.”

~Ilia, after a particularly tough fight and an emotionally draining day

15. Your most epic death.

Ok so... none of my characters in game have ever actually died during the storyline? Keothi obviously has in her backstory, and Ilia might have in hers as well, it was never explicitly stated, but during the game? Nope. Ashe got stupid close, but nope. Since Keothi is my only death period, and her death was pretty epic, I’m just gonna describe that. Her parents and siblings in her Goliath tribe had all fallen ill, so she decided to go searching for a possible cure, and ended up getting conned into helping this cult, since they said they would cure her family. Turns out, yea, they were lying, they just needed a goliath willing to sacrifice themselves with a cursed sword. They made the mistake of revealing this before Keothi was actually dead, so as she was dying, she brought the entire goddamn cultist temple down to the bottom of the sea and took the cultists with her. The sword was why she was undead, in the Shadowfell, and couldn’t remember anything.

16. Your most disappointing death. 

As mentioned, I’ve never died in campaign, but I feel like I have to mention this one that happened to our party in Curse of Strahd. We were in the death house, all 5 of us, still level 1, and our barbarian falls into a pit trap with spikes. None of us realize she’s actually dead, so we send out paladin down to get her... with the monk, the bard, and the warlock holding the rope. ....yea both of them died.

17. Something that shouldn’t have worked, but it did.

I’m stuck between two options for this one. First one was the time our water genasi paladin/rogue bloodbended our gnome cleric into a bridge to keep her from falling all the way down a ravine. The second time was when our party managed to defend a small seaside town from a pirate raid with just an NPC with Control Water, a ballista, ourselves, and some explosives. Neither should’ve worked, but both did. Having a triton in your party can really come in clutch in a seaside campaign.

18. Something that went hilariously awry.

I have one that’s hilarious and one that’s horrifying. Hilarious one: in my first ever campaign, someone from Aisling’s backstory popped up and our sorcerer went “that’s shady” (to be fair, he was) and then went to investigate BY HIMSELF. He obviously got kidnapped by the mafia, and then we went all stealth mission to break him out. Stealth was immediately abandoned after our other bard used a SCREAMING SWORD to break open the locks, then we proceeded to go out the way we came, setting everything on fire on the way out, and with our bard lying their way out the front door (with the rest of us in tow as “prisoners”) by pretending to be a fellow mafia member. It was great. Horrifying one: Ilia tries to Send to a member of the party who left in order to let him know that a fellow party member had died. Forgot that he left bc his mind was invaded by a previously dead, very evil old god, and ends up trapped there with him for a while. Ended up with all of our main spellcasters trapped in their own heads while the barbarian paced around worriedly and the rogue decided he was going to get smashed instead of worrying himself silly.

19. Your most memorable in-character moment.

There are a LOT in Ilia’s campaign, but! If I had to pick one, it would actually be a pretty recent one involving Ilia and our party’s wizard, Liara. They’re basically the embodiment of head vs heart? Anyway, Liara is currently suffering from something called magic corruption, though idk if suffering is the right word. Anyway! It basically resulted in her getting... possessed? by her own magic during the night during Ilia’s watch, and they had a really, really interesting conversation regarding guilt, death, and grief, and yea basically I love them. Honorable mention to our druid’s death (he’s back and better now, but that was my first long-time death in a game, we didn’t know he was coming back) and also the moment that Ilia realized that her childhood bff/crush had been revived in a new body and that this NPC was her best friend. That was a trip.

20. The coolest item you ever got and how you came to possess it.

I got this item in the revamp of my first ever campaign and nothing has topped it since which is Sad but hey. Anyway! I got this really cool, possibly cursed dagger after I threw a knife at an absolutely eldritch being and it got stuck in him as he transformed. It looked really badass, and allowed me to cast Inflict Wounds on occasion when I stabbed someone with it. So yea, we love that. Honorable mention to my paladin/bloodhunter’s Helm of the Aberrant Gladiator which allows you to basically do a bunch of fear based affects and psychic stuff.

Numbers 21 through 30 don’t apply to me but. yea. enjoy this summary of my dnd history I guess

[distortionsprite]

First session of my new DND campaign:

I’m playing Ardour Duskflame, a fire genasi sorcerer, and one of the assholes of the group. There is also Mara Mayfare, the human cleric and resident herbo. Aarya, a tiefling rogue, the other asshole of the group. Ulvirthara Arkenrae, a drow wizard and the c̩͙̯̣̫ͧ̋ͤ̌ͤ͝ř̝͚͎̲ͣ̉̒yp̲͓̫ͅt̼͕͔ͮ̌̆i͕̤̼̜͜d̙͉ of the group. Eilis Porraic, a half-orc fighter and the comedic foil. And Quincey, the gnome bard who is literally carried by mara. They start, not knowing each other, in a tavern called the Dove and Jackal in the town of Oaksnake, a small town enveloped by thick forest. Their reasoning for being there are... yet to be disclosed. A half-elf by the name of Damaris bursts into the near empty tavern, desperate for help. She announces people have gone missing, and she needs people to help find them. Mara and Eilis are the first to respond. Mara, being the kind soul she is, accepts the quest without second thought. Eilis is on the look for merc work, so accepts. Ulvirthara quietly listens in, but no-one else gives it any thought. That is, until, pay is mentioned. One hundred gold pieces to the brave souls who find these missing people. This perks up Ardours ears, as well as Aarya’s, but she doesnt let anyone know. Without another thought, Ardour, rather cocky-like, accepts the quest and leaves. She is followed by everyone else, who decide working together would be best, aside Aarya, who follows loosely, plotting something. Ardour reluctantly joins in with the others, and they head off to the guard barracks in search of anyone who might know of a missing guardsman. On this walk, abilities are shown off in a form of showmanship. Ardour uses her natural abilities to produce flames, and to one up her, Ulvirthara shoots a firebolt into the air. In response to this, Ardour creates a huge, magical bonfire in the street.

This pissing contest goes on for a while.

To show off his own unique abilities, Quincey hugs Mara, who picks him up and sits him on her shoulders. They remain this way for the rest of the session. Eventually, they arrive at the guard barracks, where they find muliple guards idling, clearly off-duty.

Eilis is the first to question two guards sitting at a table in a courtyard. She sits down and politely asks for permission to ask questions. The guards refuse, asking why should they tell her. Ardour is already bored of this, and knowing they will take a while to convince, decides to take a different route.

Ardour marches up to the guards and lets go of her anger. She screams at them, demanding they give the information, or their friend might die. The guards are, reasonably, terrified of her and tell her what she wants to know.

A few days ago, Ellis, the missing person, was guarding the gate. A figure in a yellow cloak approached the gate. And while they didnt interact with the guards, by the time their shift was over, Ellis was gone. Dissapeared without a trace.

Next, Mara sits down with another guard, Quincey still on her shoulders, and asks what happened, and if she had any information.

The guard says she didn’t know Ellis personally, but rumour has it that he was involved with a strange group of people from the forest, who had been attempting to recruit people lately.

Mara also asks if she knows anything else about another missing person, Thither. The guard says she knows nothing of her personally, but she used to know her sister, and she gave mara a rough map and directions to Thither’s Sister’s house. 

After a short discussion, the party begin walking over there. Aarya still not interacting with the group, just tailing them, but close enough that the party assume she’s with them. Then we had connection issues and had to wrap it up :p

[donttellthemangosiwashere]

Sanders Sides RPG AU

Ok so hear me out

new au, Dungeons and Dragons / Savage Worlds / generalized RPG, work in progress, definitely gonna draw for it so dont worry about that

hoping to make it into an ask blog if there’s interest, or if there isnt, because I still like it lol

definitely a lot still mold-able here, if you have some ideas or additions or head cannons to add, please pile them on! :D

LOGAN - (moon elf) Half-elf, Lore Bard (wizard was too obvious) - inspires through teaching moments, inspirational speaking, encouragement, and maybe a rap or poem on a special day - despises the stereotype that all bards sing and dance - raised by the elven parent, this + longer lifespan = detachment from emotion - Wisdom and Intelligence high, Charisma and Strength mid, Dexterity and Constitution low - Lawful Neutral (doesn't bother himself much with arbitrary rules of morality but definitely isn't evil) - Weaknesses: bad at emotions, tends to over-speak, short fuse

PATTON - Stout Halfling, Open Hand Monk - loves good food and companionship - focus on the wellness of the body and purity of the heart and soul - calls himself a ‘way of the open arms’ monk (hugs!) - Dexterity and Wisdom high, Charisma and Constitution mid, Intelligence and Strength low - Lawful Good (lying bad, stealing bad, killing bad) - Weaknesses: a bit judge-y and strict(practically raised by a bunch of old monks and a therapist, he cant help it), quick to trust, fear of spiders

ROMAN - Protector Aasimar, Oath of the Crown Paladin (bard was too obvious) - son of Sune, goddess of beauty and passion and the color red, who really just lets him do his own thing cause she's about as close to 'drunk/cool mom but to the point of negligence' that you can get while still being loved by ur son - so, stick with me here, paladins get their powers from their belief in what they swore their oath to, right? - ideas are EITHER boy is a prince literally/emotionally and swore an oath to himself like a g OR he swore an oath to his king, thomas - either is wholesome and good - Charisma and Strength high, Dexterity and Wisdom mid, Constitution and Intelligence low - Chaotic Good (will break the rules to do what he knows is right, happens to do so frequently) - Weaknesses: super-inflated ego, insecurity issues, v strong but not actually very hardy

VIRGIL - Drow, Wild Magic Sorcerer - during an event he doesn't remember well, while travelling with his old party, they came across Some Shit® that sorta fucked them all up - he went into the experience without magic and came out of it with magic he couldn't control and some pretty bad nerves about some impending doom something something he doesnt remember - left his old party cause he didn't want to hurt them, found three new guys after a while - Strength and Constitution high, Intelligence and Dexterity mid, Wisdom and Charisma low - Lawful Neutral (follows his own code of rules, not necessarily the laws of the land) - Weaknesses: has some trust issues, Some Shit®-related/induced nightmares keeping him from sleeping good, can't control his powers and lost confidence in his previous skills (range-based fighter)

DECEIT - Yuan-ti Pureblood (I mean, clearly), Warlock (either great old one or demonic, still deciding on that) - one one of them who remembers the Some Shit®, came out of it with a deal, knowledge he can't safely share, and some new powers - seems to want the best for everyone, but harbors so many secrets... can he be trusted? - Charisma and Intelligence high, Dexterity and Wisdom mid, Strength and Constitution low - True Neutral (driven purely by self preservation and personal goals, not 'good' but def not evil) - Weaknesses: compulsive liar, short patience, the awareness of impending doom

REMUS - Fallen Aasimar, Wild Soul Barbarian - son of Sune, goddess of beauty and passion, brother of Roman. Mom hardly talks to either of them if at all, but they're pretty sure Roman is the favorite. Remus doesn't appreciate that her views of beauty are so restricted to traditionally attractive things, and started wearing green as part of a rebellious phase, but it really stuck when he started hanging around faries and they seemed to like it so much. (his mom is mega petty and condemmed him as fallen when he said red wasn't his favorite color. this is not a joke) - spent a lot of time planehopping to the nearby feywild, underdark, and shadowfell, met some strange people, and adpoted some strange tendencies and beliefs - Met virgil first, then they found deciet, becoming The Boys® - also saw the Some Shit®, doesnt remember it, but pretty sure that's because it just wasn't very interesting compared to a usual Saturday - Constitution and Strength high, Dexterity and Wisdom mid, Charisma and Intelligence low - Chaotic Chaotic (he cannot be defined with a moral tag and you know he can't) - Weaknesses: unpredictable to the extreme, some inadequacy issues, maybe crazy a little bit This is a fantasy world with several of Thomas and Friends and various skit characters inside, as follows: (I only have thomas joan and talyn rn, no idea for terrence and valerie and camden and the others yet... any ideas lol)(i hope i'm spelling everyone's names right)

REMY - Half-Elf, Inquisitive Rogue - Logan's older brother, formerly a spy for the kingdom they live in, actually very high level but prefers to sleep and otherwise do absolutely nothing - obscenely good at reading people, which Logan desperately envies - hangs around picani a lot, used to go to him for therapy (wouldnt tell logan what about) but now they're just good bros - Charisma and Dexterity high, Constitution Dexterity and Wisdom mid, Strength low (higher levels, less lows) - True Neutral - Weaknesses: debilitatingly lazy, blunt, Curious with a capital C

EMILE PICANI - Lightfoot Halfling, Circle of Dreams Druid - uses his abilities to read and sooth people really well and works as a therapist - sweet boy and housemate to patton, known each other since patton was a child - also pretty high level but doesnt really use it - Charisma and Wisdom high, Dexterity Constitution and Intellegence mid, Strength low - Lawful Good - Weaknesses: first language is refrences, refuses to display negative emotions (more of a 'i will philosophy and cartoon my way out of my sad asap' than an emotion-bottler, but don't put it past him) THOMAS

- Human, Glamour Bard (pretty 👏 boy 👏) - inspires through singing, dancing, performing, encouragement, speeches, literally breathing - Charisma and Intelligence high, Dexterity Strength and Wisdom mid, Constitution low - Lawful Good - Weaknesses: quick to trust and sympathize, puts others first (strengths AND weaknesses) - Lord of base town, with Joan and others as his Advisers

JOAN - Tiefling, Mastermind Rogue (sneaky spooky smart one, good with knowing about people without being necessarily good with people) - Thomas's primary adviser and master of secrets, Remy worked for them - looks scary, very pure. cuts cute little horn holes in their beanie for god's sake i mean come on - Wisdom and Dexterity high, Charisma Intelligence and Strength mid, Constitution low - Neutral Good - Weaknesses: You assume??? Joan can be bested??? Joan cannot be killed. Joan cannot be overcome

TALYN - Forest Gnome, Abjuration Wizard (protective spells) (cute small) - A prime adviser and Master of Knowledge (lore, history, scientific developments, etc) - favors defensive and ally-boosting spells - Logan's teacher; Logan respects and admires them very very much - Intelligence and Charisma high, Dexterity Constitution and Wisdom mid, Strength low - Neutral Good - Weaknesses: its Talyn, Talyn has no weaknesses. thoughts?? interest?? suggestions?? thank you for reading this long post lol

[creativerogues]

Campaign Diary: The Heist!

I said I’d do it, so here it is!

So, a few days ago we played D&D, and then played a sesson right after, and now we’re probably gonna play D&D Tonight too, a rare opportunity but one I gladly accept.

I asked Tumblr to come up with Characters and Thieves for this Human Druid and Tortle Wizard to hire.

If you need context for this Campaign Diary, you can find it here.

So, we begin this session after the Party had recruited the Team, since they requested to do that between sessions rather than spend the night searching for Hirelings.

And the Team consisted of: Kenzo the Wood Elf Rogue, who helped the two assemble the Team, Talon the Human Wizard, Joey the Tabaxi Bard, Sunna the Human Sorcerer, Mars the Fire Genasi Pugilist and Jamkas Moonshadow, the Drow Rogue.

Now, they did have aid in a Wizard called Allister, but on the request of the Tumblr Person that made them, they were intended to be an NPC, and so I played them as an NPC...

Now, I didn’t intend for this to happen, but the Players ended up actually playing the Thieves, and let me tell you, DMing a Group of this kind of size isn’t easy, but oh boy was it fun.

So of course I gave the crafty Players the Wizards, the Leader-Type Player got Kenzo (The Leader of the Group), the Player that likes Combat got the Pugilist, the Players that like Roleplaying got the Rogue and the Bard. You see where I was going with this...

Part 1: Spreading Rumours

I’m gonna just break this session down into parts, because this session was about 7 hours long and I’m tired just writing it all down...

So as the session began, Kenzo the Wood Elf Mastermind Rogue (and Leader of her own little Thieves Guild, did ya know?) decides to sows rumours in the Capitol City to lead the Guards and Mages away from the Library during the time of the Heist.

So after running through the DMG to find the Rules for it, Kenzo’s Player rolled 6d6 for the amount of Days it would take for the rumours to take hold, and rolled horribly, getting 32 and meaning that the rest of the Group now had 32 Days of Downtime to fill before the Heist.

On the bright side though, Kenzo’s Player ROCKED her Charisma Check, rolling a Natural 19.

Plus, 32 Days of Downtime means even more time to prepare, which actually turned out to be VITAL!

But while this is happening, Talon the Wizard (also known as Roland) is inscribing a Spell Scroll of Teleportation Circle to gift to Hard Hat the Tortle Necromancer (don’t ask about his Name, it’s a long story...) as part of the Heist Group’s “Escape Plan”.

I will admit, the first maybe 3 hours of the session was just talking and planning, but honestly I didn’t mind it, since this “Phase” of the Heist is the Planning Phase, so of course they’re going to talk about how they get in, how they’re gonna get out, and what precautions need to be made to stop anything horrible from happening mid-heist.

Now back to the Scroll Writing!

To scribe this Scroll of this kind should take 4 Workweeks and 5,000GP, at least according to Xanathar’s Guide.

So where did Talon get 5,000 Gold from? Well he just asked Hard Hat the Tortle to get it for him.

And as it turns out, Hard Hat does not have 5,000 Gold Pieces on his person. Actually, he has no Gold at all.

So what does he do to get the Money?

Well to get the 5,000GP to cover the Cost of making the Scroll, Hard Hat uses a combination of Enthrall, Suggestion and Charm Person to con a bunch of townsfolk into handing over a bunch of their money.

Now this definitely deserves an Alignment change from Hard Hat to Neutral Evil, at least for a while, and I’ll tell you why...

The reason I’m ruling this as a “temporary” alignment change is because the actual Player's literal justification for these acts is: “Well the ends justify the means, we're hurting people to help people...”

And his alignment was partly Neutral already, so a shift that steps him towards the Evil Side for this Section of the Adventure definitely seems appropriate after this...

I’ve actually talked about this already, and you can read that Post about how I deal with Alignment VS Player Actions right here, but let’s continue...

Part 2: The Exit Plan...

It was weird that they started making an Exit Plan before they made an Entrance Plan, which kinds told me how the Players were expecting this to go just fine...

Their Exit Plan was this: A Series of Horse Drawn Carriages, with each carriage having a pair of Thieves in it. And when they reach the outside of the City, they all meet up at a predetermined location and teleport back from the Capitol City to the Eastern City of Fostin.

They planned for the Carriages to each go in different directions, just in case...

Part 3: The Pre-Heist

And so with their Plan, which they called “Pretty Much Okay”, Talon handed off the finished Spell Scroll of Teleportation Circle to Hard Hat the Tortle and the Group made their way on the several day journey to the Capitol City.

I had the Party roll for random Encounters on the Road. The way it works for me is if the Players roll an 11 or 12 on a d12, they have an Encounter. An 11 is a Hard Encounter, and a 12 is a Deadly Encounter.

But luckily they never had an Encounter, because they rolled horribly every day of travel, great for them I guess?

And as they enter the Capitol City through the Gates, the “Official” Pre-Heist began, and the Puzzle Pieces began to fall into place.

Part 4: The Actual Plan...

The Actual Plan was to disguise themselves as Construction Workers aiding in the restoration of the Library after the recent fire that destroyed the Edhel Halls West Wing.

Mr. Moonshadow used a combination of ridiculously good charisma checks and a great disguise kit to disguise himself as “Not a Drow”...

The others used a combination of disguise kits, disguise self and a hell of a lot of illusions to get into the site.

And from there... They got to work...

First they gained a Map of the Library thanks to their undercover work as Construction Workers, then they started to talk to the Guards around the area, and through observation they learned what kind of Armour the Guards wore, what Weapons they had on them, and realised that each Guard had a specific Patrol and had Signal Whistles around their necks.

And since they were actually working 9 to 5 as Construction Workers to aid in their Undercover Work, they soon gained the trust of the actual Construction Workers that were there to rebuild the Library.

The actual Construction Workers quickly learned the (disguised) faces of the Group and thanks to a few drinks after work and a few pretty darn amazing Charisma Checks (I'm serious, I'm pretty sure Moonshadow's Player didn't roll below a 15 all night), the actual Construction Workers found them trustworthy.

Part 5: Pensive Allister is the Most Helpful NPC...

Pensive Allister (remember him?) was the NPC Team Member and a pretty darn amazing Divination Wizard.

Every day during the “Scouting” Phase, Allister would remain in one of the Carts that brought the Group to and from the Construction Site, and then used a combination of Spells that slowly blew my mind at how useful they were together.

Those Spells were Rary’s Telepathic Bond, and Arcane Eye.

Rary’s Telepathic Bond allowed Allister to communicate wordlessly through telepathy to every other Member of the Heist Team, and the best part was the Spell didn’t require concentration and lasted for a whole hour.

Combine that with Arcane Eye, and this meant that Pensive could scout out the entire building and communicate it through telepathy to the rest of the Group without even getting out of the Cart.

And every now and then, the Group would need to crack open a window or a door to let Allister’s Arcane Eye through, but through scouting, Allister and the Group discovered that the basement was full of fog and strange symbols, but eventually, through Undercover Work, the Heist Team did in fact find the walls and walls of old scrolls.

Part 6: The Heist! (Finally!)

And so the day comes, the Heist is here, and they chose rather weirdly to do it during daylight!

The Players, one by one, sneak away into the deeper parts of the Library, with a lot of them just turning invisible and walking straight from the Cart into the Basement, the others creating the cover story of them being called to oversee and aid in another construction job happening to a tavern down the street.

So now they’re in the Library’s Basement and have about 8 hours to go through the Library (which thanks to Pensive made it incredibly easily to avoid the web-filled stairways) but they still had to deal with the Fog, the Stinking Clouds, and all the Arcane Locks that filled every door and entrance.

How did they deal with it? With Magic of Course!

Sunna the Sorcerer came especially useful here, using a combination of Silence and Knock (and a few Sorcery Points) to silently open every arcane lock and door.

They deal with the Fog by literally blowing it away, which I found to be a hilariously simply solution...

The Stinking Clouds however proved to be much more difficult, and caused Sunna to cast Gust of Wind after her Gust Cantrip did diddly-squat to get rid of the giant fart clouds in the Library...

But, finally, they made it to the Wall of Scrolls, and again, thanks to Allister and his Arcane Eye, they quickly located the Spell Scroll they needed, pocketed it, and then decided to be a bit cocky...

They stayed. They had the Spell Scroll literally in-hand, but in order to make it look like they weren’t Thieves, they stayed and did their work as Construction Workers, mostly because the Group wanted to be cocky and show off, but also to keep up the facade of actually doing Construction...

Part 7: The Getaway

And so as the evening came, the three carts they hired arrived at the site, and to everyone except the Party themselves, it appeared as though the Workers from out of town were just getting a cart back home, with those that snuck in invisibly having to roll Stealth Checks, which again, they succeeded because of course they did at this point...

So each Cart drives down a different street, and as soon as they reach the outskirts the city, Joey the Bard casts Sending to Hard Hat and tells him he has 10 Minutes to start inscribing his teleportation circle using the Spell Scroll Roland had given him almost two months ago at this point...

And then the group executes their Real Exit Plan, with everyone using Dimension Door (which is why they saved their Spell Slots!) to teleport just outside the forests near the Capitol.

Joey then casts Leomund's Tiny Hut with everyone standing inside and Sunna and Joey both up-cast Invisibility to hide the Group while Roland the Wizard begins inscribing his Teleportation Circle inside the Tiny Hut.

And so, with the entire Group Invisible and standing within the camoflaged Tiny Hut and standing on the Teleportation Circle, the Group teleports from their Teleportation Circle to the one Hard Hat had just inscribed in Fostin, and they return with the Spell Scroll of Sequester in hand.  

Part 8?: Where Are The Other Two?

Meanwhile, the other two, Hard Hat the Tortle Wizard and his Human Druid Friend Nemo are chilling in their Tavern until Hard Hat hears Joey’s Sending message giving him the 10 Minute Warning to get somewhere private and start casting the Teleportation Circle.

So naturally, rather than sneak away somewhere private, Hard Hat casts Phantom Steed, jumps upon his ghostly horse, and gallops out from his bedroom, on a magical horse, down the stairs, out of the tavern and out into the wilderness near Fostin.

Nemorith (Nemo for short) realises what the heck is happening, turns into a Panther, and also runs out of the tavern...

Weird day for the Barkeep, am I right?

So they get out into the wilderness, Hard Hat uses his Scroll, and with a bright flash of blue light, the group appears standing within the circle, Stolen Spell Scroll in hand...

Part 9: My Thoughts

First off: Fate was on their side. No one rolled less than maybe a 10 all night.

Second: They planned way more than I thought they would. I expected them to overthink it but still be unprepared.

Third: DAMN THIS HEIST WAS FUN!

This was the first time I had ever run a Heist as anything more than “Sneak In, Kill Guys, Get the Thing, Get Out.”

So running a whole 6+ Hours of a Heist was definitely jumping into the Panic Zone, but honestly, I maybe said a couple of pages of text, and the rest was the Players roleplaying through their Planning, Scouting, and the actual Heist.

Overall... I kinda loved it. And I wouldn’t mind doing it again sometime....

[vethyourhalflingmother]

third session of not critical role critical de rolo was today, back after a four month hiatus! 

here’s the last session if you haven’t read it!

to remind you of our players, we have:

Vax’ildan “Bard Boy” de Rolo, (Bard), played by @indigoire

Cessair “Cess” de Rolo, (Ranger/Alchemist) & Trinket, played by @winking-owl

Elaine de Rolo, (Paladin), played by @monkbeauregard

Percival “Freddie” de Rolo IV, (Artificer), played by @swiftbell

Maeve de Rolo, (Cleric), played by @because-seconds-not-the-same

the theme for this episode was finding mom & dad & oh boy they aren’t doing great:

-(dm note: i ended the last session summary saying percy was holding animus; i meant to say he was holding retort! he starts combat with retort, and it’s pretty relevant to what happened today)

-(second dm note: percy and vex are modified under the in-game explanation that it’s been over 20 years since they’ve been out actively adventuring)

-the party started by rolling initiative because something was clearly wrong with percy

-freddie went first and buffed his siblings’ hp

-trinket tried to approach percy & found a not-so-warm welcome when percy brushed him off

-elaine hid behind a tree and remained there for most of combat

-percy shot trinket, much to the distress of all my players (and something about playing percy gives you Great Luck because i rolled that at disadvantage and got a nat20 and a natural 18) 

-bard boy put a cloud of daggers on percy 

-maeve also buffed the team from a safe distance beside elaine

-cess decided to get really close to percy and cast protection from good and evil on him, which was ultimately very helpful but was not great for cess

-because at the top of the round, freddie pulled her out of percy’s way & percy did in fact shoot her, even with the disadvantage. just a flesh wound tho

-elaine and maeve continued helping from a safe distance of over 20 feet away

-more shots were fired by percy, but he was missing a bit

-bard boy used a mage hand to get percy’s gun away from him (because mage hand does disarm if your dm likes your plan enough!) 

-cess noticed that percy seemed to be possessed by something and that somehow they had to get that thing out of him

-percy pulled out animus - and immediately misfired, doing damage to himself

-the quarter-elves seemed to noticed throughout combat that their father could hear them at times, and seemed to actively fighting against whatever was wrong with him (as evidence by shaking, twitching, eye-closing, head-shaking, various expressions of shock after being hit, and a receding/pulsing of the bulging veins in his face)

-freddie shot his father with a crossbow bolt. because that’s what happens when your family is alive in dnd. trinket sliced open percy’s arm. the daggers rained down upon him. 

-my players finally let themselves believe that the power of love was the answer after all, despite their earlier skepticism, because my puzzle is “cheesy” i guess

-freddie and elaine, the twins, started talking (/whining) at their father

-trinket tackled percy and pinned him to the ground

-percy coughed up blood and an oozy black shadow creature - and he was back to (relatively) normal! and stewing in Guilt and Trauma once more, of course

-literally every single quarter-elf used a healing spell on percy, which almost brought him back to max HP

-percy explained that he and vex had gone into the parchwood to find a missing child, and that they were attacked by undead, which they easily defeated... and then he didn’t remember anything

-the party set up camp for the night

-freddie asked percy if he knew corinthia the drow wizard; percy said that he remembered a nursery tale about an elf in a tower that his mother told him, but that he didn’t know anything else

-there were three watches: first consisting of elaine and freddie, and they ribbed at each other & told jokes. elaine insulted freddie by calling him straight. the second was bard boy and maeve, bard boy tried to startle maeve with his eyeshine and maeve was not impressed, the third was cess and percy, percy apologized, cess tried to give him the gun talk again, percy was like okay but this was literally me not a weapon i created. 

-in the morning bard boy made breakfast. cess confirmed the food he found was not toxic. freddie still didn’t like the taste.

-the party took off into the parchwood following trinket’s nose

-bard boy asked percy about his spellnotes written in celestial; percy explained they were vex’s idea, and that he’d only been transcribing them for her because she did not speak celestial, as that seemed like the appropriate language to write spells tailored to the undead in

-the sky started to get unnaturally dark, to the point where those who did not have darkvision (everyone but bard boy), could barely see

-trinket led the party to a temple-like structure that reminded everyone, unsettlingly enough, of the corrupted temple beneath castle whitestone, if that temple was made hastily from wood instead of stone

-trinket led the party around the temple, where they found vex among corpses killed by arrows, though her bow and sheaf were nowhere in sight. vex was unconscious. it took some effort and some rope to wake her up, but everyone really leaned into the power of love thing this time so it was much quicker - though she still had to cough up the inky gross darkness blob as well

-vex remembered more than percy. she said that the undead they fought were a distraction, and that she herself had fought possessed percy before succumbing to the possession, and that she remembered a woman in a grey robe. this woman was not among the dead. unfortunately most of the dead seemed to be members of whitestone’s pale-guard

-vex and percy had a tender moment where percy cringed at having heard that he attacked vex also, and vex told him that it was not his fault. (very odd but gratifying to rp the greatest couple of all time with myself)

-the party decided to explore the temple in the next session