#your music this week was lady madonna by the beatles and kokomo by the beach boys

[utilitycaster]

Wizard Breakdown Tracker, #135

Each week I think “man it would have been cool if I had thought of this idea, in which I make jokes about how stressed out the wizard NPCs are, during, you know, the Vergesson heist or something when we were interacting with more than one wizard NPC instead of during a dungeon crawl with only one wizard NPC, emphasis on crawl” but you know what, I persevere, because where else am I going to put song parodies about the death of Vess Derogna that are literally only funny to me? Twitter?

Anyway while I am personally team Jester, in that the faster Lucien is simultaneously disintegrated, run through in the chest with both a vestige and a holy avenger, shot through the heart (and Veth’s to blame), beheaded with a hand axe, banished, punched in the face, and sent into a black hole the better, the party has other plans. Thanks to the long rest though it has been about 12 hours, plus the 4-ish from last week, so I guess we’ll check in with a few of our other wizard friends as well.

As a reminder Caleb Widogast is a PC and thus excluded from this list.

Currently sidelined

Presumably having a good day: Pumat Sol (blissfully unaware of all of this); Allura Vyesoren (saint-like patience and a wealth of experience with disaster adventuring parties; at least this one has a cleric at more than 0.33 FTE, a wizard, and some lesbians), Ludinus Da’leth (this miserable pile of power plays wakes up every morning and is like Isn’t it Grand to be head of the evil wizard council and no one realizes I probably destroyed the first non-drow elven civilization on the continent to arise after the calamity! Fetch me more pastries!).

No idea but here’s hoping he found the cat portion of ScryTube: Oremid Hass

Lady DeRogna, taken off the scene, sorry that your murder happened while off-screen.

Trent Ikithon: I’ve established that I think the only real things that can damage Trent emotionally are Caleb paying too much attention to him so as to destroy his standing within the empire, or else Caleb ignoring him. Honestly if Trent would not continue to torture students and spread propaganda if left unchecked I think he could be slowly murdered solely through Caleb expressing apathy. So despite the amulets of nondetection I like to imagine that somehow, somewhere, Trent felt Caleb reaffirm to Essek that his top priority is still stopping the city from returning, not Trent, and it necrotized just a little bit more of his liver.

Conclusion: 7/10. I went to the OG evil mageocracy and no one knew who you were.

Essek Thelyss: Well on the one hand he’s still flirting but on the other imagine spending a literal century being like “what if we’re wrong about how we approach the fundamental basis for our society” and he just got proved right. I have to imagine he’s got that kind of stress where suddenly everything becomes dead calm and also this explains why he unnecessarily cast a 3rd level spell, which he knows could in theory cause him to lose all his hair, to impress a boy. I didn’t even get into the conversations he had with Caleb, the bad dreams and eyeballs, Fjord teasing him, Yasha being like “ALRIGHT ALREADY”, the horrible Aeorian creatures, the fact that robots might be back(?) or his ongoing terror that the Assembly is after him!

Conclusion: 8/10 but he’s like, kind of having a good time. Essek is in all ways but physical in a Hawaiian shirt right now drinking a Mai Tai and going Nothing Matters; I presume he will have a full breakdown following the boss battle and honestly he deserves it.

Astrid Beck: Others have already established the parallels between Essek and Astrid but honestly I want to highlight it because really, on the one hand we have Essek, whose world is crashing around him because he was right all along and is in terrible immediate danger but surrounded by friends, and on the other we have Astrid, whose world is crashing around her because she was wrong all along and she’s probably not in immediate danger but Eadwulf is the only person she can trust and we don’t know all the details about that either.

Conclusion: 8/10 but in the bad way, not Essek’s kind of fun way.

Wulfpupy:

Conclusion: 3/10. You know that tiktok with the blonde woman with glasses who has a lot of highlighter on her nose who talks about how sometimes if you have guy friends they will say something deeply fucked up and you’ll be like “oh my god do we unpack this right now” and then you look over at them and the only thing in their mind are the lyrics to Kokomo? That’s Wulf. He will activate the second Caleb comes back in town or Astrid actually falls apart but until then he is on Island Time.

Yussa Errenis: I wonder if there’s a small part of Yussa that is part of the city’s awareness and, moreover, can see what Beau and Caleb at least are doing, and he’s like “I’m so simultaneously proud and impatient, also we live in a world that does not have IV fluids so like, hopefully my body still exists in some kind of functioning state when I am rescued” (note: did I google “how were coma patients kept alive in olden times” for this? Perhaps.) Anyway if he is aware he’s also just like, watching all this like “I WILL GET YOU SO MUCH PAPER OH MY GOD CAN YOU JUST KISS THE OTHER WIZARD SAVE ME FROM THE EVIL HIVEMIND CITY.”

Conclusion: I mean still infinity/10, he is still trapped in the city of madness and also if he does have a small part of his mind that is sane and able to observe the material plane he also is aware that Trent and the Volstruckers broke into his tower.

Known Gem Wizard Hotsauce Lutefisk: I know, I know, weird that I brought him up. However consider: Yussa’s wizard tower now contains two wizards in suspended animation, their consciousnesses trapped in eldritch astral sea-related spaces. This is incredibly funny to me. We’re in a real Old Lady who swallowed a fly scenario except it’s centuries-old wizards getting sucked into traps because of their own hubris. The reason why mageocracies no longer exist isn’t the lack of magical knowledge or even because power corrupts absolutely, it’s because literally just put some lightly fried forbidden knowledge under a box with a stick propping it up, add your parody of Long-Term Nuclear Waste Warnings above it, and a wizard will be like “that sign won’t stop me because I CAN read and what’s more I’m better at reading than you are!” And then they get trapped in a box.

Conclusion: what is a breakdown tracker to a man whose mind has been stuck in a gem for, from his perspective, at minimum about 35 years?

[stitchvideoz-2-productions]

April 23, 2020 Music Videos List

2Pac – All About You – Music Video

Alan Jackson – Summertime Blues – Music Video

Alanis Morissette - Hand In My Pocket – Music Video

All-4-One – I Can Love You Like That – Music Video

Amerie – One Thing – Music Video

Aretha Franklin – Respect – Music Video

Arrested Development – Mr Wendal – Music Video

Avenged Sevenfold – Set Me Free – Music Video

Barenaked Ladies – One Week – Music Video

Betty Wright – Clean Up Woman – Music Video

Beyonce – Halo – Music Video

Billie Eilish – Everything I Wanted – Music Video

Billy Joel – The River of Dreams – Music Video

Billy Swan – I Can Help – Music Video

Cassie – Me & U – Music Video

Changing Faces – Ghettout – Music Video

Chicago – Hard To Say I’m Sorry – Music Video

Chris Gaines – Lost In You – Music Video

Ciara – Goodies – Music Video

Commodores – Brick House – Music Video

Crosby, Stills and Nash – Just A Song Before I Go – Music Video

David Guetta – Without You – Music Video

DRAM – Broccoli – Music Video

Dustin Lynch – Ridin’ Roads – Music Video

Elton John – I Don’t Wanna Go On With You Like That – Music Video

Elton John – Your Song – Music Video

Elvis Presley – I Feel Bad – Music Video

Eminem – Shake That – Music Video

George Harrison – Got My Mind Set On You – Music Video

George Michael – Faith – Music Video

Hall And Oates – One On One – Music Video

Hurricane Chris – A Bay Bay – Music Video

Jagged Edge – Promise – Music Video

Jason Derulo – Wiggle – Music Video

Joe Public – Live And Learn – Music Video

John Travolta – You’re The One That I Want – Music Video

Julian  Lennon – Stick Around – Music Video

Julian Lennon – Too Late For Goodbyes – Music Video

Justin Timberlake – Can’t Stop The Feeling – Music Video

Justin Timberlake - Suit and Tie – Music Video

Kansas – Dust In The Wind – Music Video

Kenny Chesney - There Goes My Life – Music Video

Leona Lewis – Bleeding Love – Music Video

Lesley Gore – It’s My Party – Music Video

Lil Uzi Vert – Xo Tour Life – Music Video

Linda Ronstadt – Hurt So Bad – Music Video

Linkin Park – What I’ve Done – Music Video

Ludacris – What’s Your Fantasty – Music Video

Madonna – Borderline – Music Video

Mark Chesnutt – Brother Jukebox – Music Video

Marty Balin – Hearts – Music Video

Mary Wells – You Beat Me To The Punch – Music Video

Michael Jackson – Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough – Music Video

Missy Elliott – The Rain – Music Video

Montell Jordan – This Is How We Do It – Music Video

Nas – I Ain’t Hard To Tell – Music Video

Neneh Cherry – Buffalo Stance – Music Video

Norman Greeenbaum – Spirit In The Sky – Music Video

NSYNC – Girlfriend – Music Video

Oran Juice Jones – The Rain – Music Video

Panic at The Disco – High Hopes – Music Video

Paula Abdul – Opposites Attract – Music Video

Pebbles – Giving You The Benefit – Music Video

Prince – I Would Die For You – Music Video

Puff Daddy – Come With Me – Music Video

Rick Astley – Cry For Help – Music Video

Sia – Cheap Thrills – Music Video

Simon and Garfunkel – Mrs. Robinson – Music Video

Soundgarden - Blow Up The Outside World – Music Video

Steve Miller Band – The Joker – Music Video

T.I. – Big Things Poppin – Music Video

The Ad Libs – The Boy From New York City – Music Video

The Beach Boys – Kokomo – Music Video

The Beatles – Nowhere Man – Music Video

The Beatles – Something – Music Video

The Beatles – We Can Work It Out – Music Video

The Chainsmokers – Closer – Music Video

The Cure – Lovesong – Music Video

The Everly Brothers – Cathy’s Clown – Music Video

The Fray – How To Save A Life – Music Video

The Lumineers – Ho Hey – Music Video

The Spinners – They Just Can’t Stop It – Music Video

The Staple Singers – Let’s Do It Again – Music Video

The Weeknd – Starboy – Music Video

Tim McGraw – Please Remember Me – Music Video

TLC – What About Your Friends – Music Video

Usher – OMG – Music Video

War – Summer – Music Video

Wild Cherry – Play That Funky Music – Music Video

Willie Nelson – Whiskey River – Music Video

Wiz Khalifa – See You Again – Music Video