#this is literally so irrelevant like it does NOT matter i just have thoughts on it

[strwbrrygrrl]

born to be a rapunzel girlie forced to be brunette

[samara444]

THE 3D DOES NOT FUCKING EXIST.

the 3d is 100% irrelevant. shadow? mirror? delay? FUCK THAT BRO it doesnt even exist! the onlyyy power it has is the one you give it.

you think you fell off? till now u were affirming and persisting but something horrible happened in your 3d and now everything sucks again? congratulations, it doesnt matter, cuz you still have it. you still have your desire.

you fucked up? you have doubts? you start looking at the 3d for validation? congratulations. doesnt matter. I still have what i want.

you felt negatively? you acknowledged the lack of ur desire? you thought whyy is it not here yet? congratulations. doesnt fucking matter at all. i already have it.

spiral. go ahead and cry and whine and have doubts and question if this is real or not. hate everything and feel like shit. doesnt matter baby, YOU STILLLL HAVE WHAT YOU WANT!!!

when we say the 3d doesnt matter. it truly doesnt. the only meaning the 3d has is the meaning we give it.

i felt like i fell off, the month changed and my 3d didnt so i started wondering where is it, why dont i have it, am i doing something wrong, then the intrusive thoughts follow “what if its not real” “omg am i just wasting my time” “what if i dont get it” “what will i do now” you know what i did? i gave myself the biggest smile and told myself….it doesnt matter sam, my love. you still have it. and i dooo. i still do.

you have to understand that this disgusting ass stinky crappy old 3d which is literally a graveyard, an absolute shitshow that does not have anything to do with us, its all the past, its all dead, so it doesnt matter how i react, when i know i have it in my god state, aka my imagination, aka the only true reality, aka the only reality that matters at all.

so you cann spiral. you can fuck up. my god you can have a mental fucking breakdown and ur 3d could turn into absolute shit and ur sp can hate u and ur dad could get cancer and a tsunami could come and world war 3 can start…IT DOESNT FUCKING MATTER!!!! IT HAS NOOOO EFFECT AT ALLL.

take ur power back. literally announce that no matter what this old dead reality shows u, ur life could go to complete shit, trust me that doesn’t matter when fulfillment is present in your heart. ur only job is to have it. stop reacting. stop stop stop reacting and start having, thats where all your power lies and thats the way to pure fulfillment.

-love, samu <3

[moonyswifee]

This is for my Law of Assumption, manifestation girlies–

i know everyone sees this everywhere because its the basis of the entire law, but,

your 4d is your reality. your 3d is just a reflection of it.

think of it this way, for eg there's a mirror and youre standing in front of the mirror. now, there's two versions of yourselves that you can see. one, which is literally you in hard physical form; and the second in the mirror, which is just a reflection. its not even real.

now, your mirror self does not control you physical body. its the other way round. you control your reflection.

your 3d is just the mirror reflection, guys. your 4d is the real shit. thats the real deal, where change takes place. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH.

if youre standing in front of the mirror and your reflection lifts its arm, thats not going to make you lift your arm. if you lift your arm, thats when the change occurs in the reflection. you are in control of that.

like, it HAS to change. the reflection in the mirror HAS to change because its LAW. its literal PHYSICS. its SCIENCE you guys, the reflection has to change.

just like that, your 3d also HAS to change if your 4d changes. it has to because that is also LAW. its called the LAW of assumption. why are you looking for logic in it??? so many people are gaining hundreds of dollars OVERNIGHT and you're still doubting something that always existed????? its SCIENCE, you guys its literally psychology, physics, and goddamn neuroscience. IT IS PROVEN THAT THOUGHTS SHAPE YOUR REALITY. there was a legit study conducted on this. why are you still doubting yourself????

this has been the best analogy for me so far because i too had immense difficulty actually believing that it would come true, until i realised, it already has. its already true in my 4d. i have already got that desire in my 4d. how does it even matter what the 3d shows??? my 4d matters. thats what shapes my reality. and you know what the 4d is BLIND. your subconscious is literally BLIND guys. you are already given the best possible circumstances to get whatever you want, why are you still doubting and crying????

whenever i start to waver from my affirmations, i just always think back to the mirror analogy, and that it has actually already happened in the original reality which is the 4d. the 3d does not matter. irrelevant. (im not saying to shut the 3d out its actually quite lovely but dont let that stop u from assuming u have your desires).

you can literally scroll for hours and hours on end, searching and reading through numerous posts on tumblr, videos on YouTube, you can go searching for "signs" from the universe everywhere (do that if it makes you feel good tho) and rant and complain about how its "not happening" and you're just "not good at manifesting". but you know what? no one, literally NO ONE on this entire planet, even the most master manifestors can convince you to change your mindset, or believe in your affirmations, if you dont. you need to take the first step for yourself. you cant have your cake and eat it. even manifesting takes DISCIPLINE and hardwork. not in the hustle culture way normalised by society, but you NEED to train your mind and your thoughts and maintain a mental diet in order to get to the easy part. you have to prep your brain for the easy part to come in.

i promise you your blessings are literally almost here. they are already here. the only reason you have not gotten them is because you are standing between you and your blessings and manifestations. the universe sends the desires the minute you say it, but they cant get to your reality, if you are restricting them from entering your reality.

so literally just decide. affirm. and keep. persisting. that's legit all there is. you can always always try more techniques and methods of course if you want to and you feel good about it. but do not get stressed about it. its supposed to be fun, not draining. BELIEVE for once. if it had to work out by you not believing yourself and not trusting the universe, it would have. but it hasnt. and for that to change you must trust. however unrealistic that may be.

my inbox is open if anyone has any questions always ofc <3

[clover-the-awesomest]

Sorry for using classic meme images as a reaction to this but I honestly don’t really know what to say… I don’t understand in the slightest as I am not an adult and don’t quite get that feeling of hopelessness yet, but I do still wish the best for you. I want to understand, to give proper advice or words of encouragement but I just. Don’t know how??

However, I do think that things will get better for you. You’re still so young, you’re still so new to this life, you are just starting out. You’re barely even 32, judging by this post, so please. Do not tell yourself that it’s over, that you’ve wasted your life. Don’t keep believing that you’ll never amount to anything in life, that you mean nothing to anyone. Do not listen to those voices that say you’re a waste of space or anything like that at all! Because none of it is true!

You are a wonderful artist! Your attention to detail is immaculate, and you’re really great at hyper-analyzing things that others wouldn’t even batt an eye at! You are funny, you are kind, and you are incredibly considerate. I don’t know what you do IRL since you value your privacy and I greatly appreciate that about you, so I can’t really judge you otherwise. But I still do know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you matter. You matter to me. You matter to others. You matter to your family, your friends, your pets, the strangers online that you’ve adopted, the random people on the street that pass you by, YOU MATTER.

And don’t you dare let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

❤️💖💞

I don’t feel like I belong anywhere. I’ve cried. I’m bitter. I’m bitter watching people get to travel and explore and go pretty places. I’m bitter that i can’t get help for my medical complications. I’m jealous that others can go swimming and experience nature while I’m confined to a tight little space and a bathtub. I’m sad that i have no IRL friend/peer group. I feel alone. I’m exhausted. My best is never good enough. I feel my family doesn’t take me seriously when i say “I’m checked out.” I wish i was impressive to them. I wish i was intelligent or competent to them. I wish i was useful. But I’m not. I’m dependent and trapped and, in this moment, fairly convinced my future is dull and bleak. I live in a world beyond my reach. Everything is dreams. My 20’s are almost completely gone. I feel like dreams don’t come true.

It’s just an episode. They pass. I got triggered and i’ll get over it. But lately the sensation of being trapped and feeling like it’s impossible to have the life i want has been very persistent. There’s been loads of progress in some spaces, but in this one idk. All that keeps me going are my dog, my gecko and Ash. This has been all that’s kept me alive for a long time. It continues to be the only thing. I genuinely do not see a way out of this tunnel. Not tonight. There is sorrow, and sleep. But at least i have a place to sleep and a dog to snuggle.

Tomorrow is another world, most likely as uneventful and stagnant as the last…

[mimiiiiiiiiisstuff]

Girl I have so many questions about your story it’s actually ridiculous!

(I don’t want to overwhelm you though so imma hold back)

is reader becoming a snake person a reference to snakes preying on bats and birds?( and will the snake being joker’s be important?)

Is Tiffany going to have to put effort into pretending she’s the ✨perfect sister✨ now that reader obviously isn’t going to do jack for them anymore? (Because ungrateful families don’t deserve muffins 😒)

Is reader going to be a hero or villain, or maybe something in between?

will we be able to get an idea of why the batfam treats reader like they’re some sort of pest?( you’d think they’d be more careful since reader could easily expose their identities if they thought about it 😒😒)

and finally.

Tim had a very…different…reaction to reader ‘framing’ Tiffany- is that important?

-🚚

yay ok this is my first like real ask! Yall have been making me so so happy with all the love! It really encourages me! And don't worry about overwhelming me! I can take it :) i'm answering this and then signing off to go to bed because I have the worst flu ever.

Ok so yes! Reader becoming a snake-meta-person does have to do with snakes preying on birds, honestly that was a little easter egg for funsies. Im glad you caught it! reader's gonna eat those hoes up !!!!!!! ( and they'll lock her up right after)

Tiffany will for sure try to imitate reader at first but that will eventually lead to her downfall! she can only keep it up for 6 months and then she'll be discovered. she can't imitate the genuine love and care reader puts into these things so they'll always be off no matter how much she tries. the batfam will end up realizing what they lost and do whatever it takes to get it back.

And yes, the snake being the Joker's will be important bc he's the joker and is so fucking insane that even his snake has to be special! all powers have consequences and these will be heavy. it will put reader through it, but will really shape them as a person.

Im leaning more toward reader being a hero??? but with the snake being literally radioactive it might be a kinda venom dynamic. im still not too sure tbh. with all the angst and neglect and the troubles of being a teen, she might be a bit of an anti-hero! she might pull a jason (ironic, i know) and go around killing all the villians!

the thing about the batfam, is that they don't even realize what they're doing to the reader. they literally see her as irrelevant so they don't notice their neglect or how much it affects reader. she's not even on their minds enough to be perceived as a threat. the only ones purposefully being mean are Damian and Jason, Damian because he sees reader as less than/ a threat and Jason because he is trying to push the reader out his life and not 'taint' her innocence.

Tim's reaction is different because he's suspicious. he thinks he would've noticed if reader was capable of doing something so sneaky and underhanded. he's the only one who is suspicious because he simply doesn't think she's smart enough to do this. he's gonna be the first to see Tiff's true colors.

Goodnight yall!!! i'll be back tmrw morning! keep sending more asks! I take requests so if you have any ideas you want me to write just send them in! I'll yandere platonic or romanitc. SEND THEM IN!!!!!!!!

[ripplestitchskein]

I find the general idea of Stolitz being “toxic” to be fucking hilarious. It’s thrown around so easily like it should be accepted that they fit this definition and….they really, really don’t lol. Like they have a pretty chill and common miscommunication and personal issues interfering with wants and desires conflict. Like I cannot stress how fucking chill it is. They don’t actively hurt one another intentionally, neither are trying to murder the other directly or indirectly, they are not on opposing sides of a larger external conflict save for inherent world class dynamics, they don’t manipulate each other or work against each other, etc. They say hurtful things and argue and are oblivious to the other’s issues but like, in a fairly normal neurodivergence and historical trauma driven way.

They do begin with a mutually agreed upon transactional sexual dynamic, which is often the crux of these “Stolitz is soooo toxic” arguments to the point the really intense anti’s cry SA. A transactional sexual dynamic Blitz was so okay with when it is no longer agreeable to the other party, and they communicate that and change the parameters in a way that gives him full autonomy, he spends half an episode trying to return to that dynamic. Much trauma. Very coerced. 🙄

There is a power imbalance but it only exists in the sense that one person is societally more powerful by nature of his birth and ignorant to it by nature of his upbringing. Stolas does not force Blitz into said transactional sex dynamic by exerting his power or influence so it’s largely irrelevant save for how it impacts Blitz’s personal self worth issues and it is never from a place of malicious intent. Which is what matters in media? Character intent and decisions are literally the crux of the narrative?? Stolas figures out it’s a problem for the type of relationship he really wants to have and corrects it and even goes above and beyond to ensure that Blitz will suffer no fall out from his choice if he decides to not pursue their romantic relationship further. Like, toxic WHOMST? Just, don’t talk to me about toxic until they get hot and bothered about how well the other tried to actively murder them. We have had zero poisonings or major betrayals in this ship and ya’ll throwing around toxic like words have no meaning.

“But he called Blitz his impish little plaything! He thinks of Blitz as a toy! As a sub-species!” Or maybe, just maaaaybe the sexually inexperienced character who is making shit up as he goes along based on his canonically identified incorrect perceptions of what the other wants/likes as well as ignorance of his own power and position thought he was just being sexy and cute? Just maybe? Like can we apply a smidgeon of deductive reasoning based on the sum rather than the parts? As a treat.

It just speaks to what I have observed as probable immaturity/lack of life experience driving a lot of the criticism or straight up vitriol regarding the show’s major conflicts. A very black and white application of moral purity that deems anything not rainbows and sunshine as toxic and where the ultimate goal is some nebulous and frankly hella ableist concept of “healthy”.

A similar thing plays out with regards to Octavia and the classification of Stolas as a “bad parent” because he is pursuing a relationship and has issues of his own to deal with on top of parenting. Heaven forbid a closeted gay man raised in isolation going through some late in life awakenings is not perfectly navigating an ill defined relationship and a divorce and raising a child on top of his myriad of mental health issues. What gets me the most is she’s not even a young child, she’s 17 possibly even 18 at this point in the timeline but the way people act he abandoned an infant at a flophouse to get his rocks off with someone who fears he will smite them down with his incredible Goetian might and if they refuse they’ll be living out of a gutter eating dirt because they wouldn’t perform sexually for him. Instead of the in-universe reality where the most egregious thing Stolas has done is fail to consider his daughters perspective and how this impacts her, made some inappropriate sexual comments really early on in front of her when he was still excited, and forgot, during a major life upheaval, a promise to watch a meteor shower he made to her like a decade ago. He didn’t even forget the promise itself, he just forgot what day it was. Like I forget shit I promised my kids last week much less when they were like 5.

Like there is such a huge disconnect between actual toxic behavior portrayals in media with regards to relationships and parenting, or hell toxic relationships and parents in real life, and what is going on in Helluva Boss. This is ignoring the fact that the actual universe of the show, which is what should be the metric when examining character dynamics not reality, has established real toxicity in both relationships and behavior, and has shown us time and time again how that toxicity contrasts with our characters and their relationships, be it Stolitz or Fizzmodeous or Moxxie/Millie or the parenting dynamics of Blitz & Loona and Stolas & Octavia. We have examples of toxic relationships, and we have examples of toxic parents in this world and we’ve been shown that the relationships of the main characters is in opposition to them.

But even if you were to take the, imo incorrect, position of applying real world considerations to fictional worlds it still doesn’t track as toxic.

Do you realize how many sexual transactions and power imbalances occur in relationships everyday as just a matter of course?

Like “I’ll wear that outfit you like if you do this for me?” Normal, Transactional. Accepted straight couple in a sitcom premise. I would wager “I’ll preform this sex act if you do X” is said in one way or another without anyone batting an eye a hundred times a day. And that’s ignoring the implication that transactional sex is inherently problematic. It isn’t, it’s the coercive aspect that is an issue and even then we get real handwavey about it in reality when the situation isn’t explicitly coercive.

“I’m a police officer/government agent/politician/media influencer/sole household income earner that has the ability to fuck up your entire life/reputation/financial stability just by nature of my job and how well we are getting along” is perfectly fine and normal. No one would suggest that a police office or government agent can only be involved with someone of equal systemic or social power in reality. Do my partner and I have a toxic power imbalance because I am the sole working person in our household and they are a stay at home parent and I hold all the financial power? No, that’s fucking silly.

Not to be all “sweet summer children I grew up in the trenches of toxic” about it but it’s the most baffling part of this fandom that a pretty low key conflict and relationship dynamic, where neither party is actively trying to hurt the other and has approached the entire thing from a place of earnest confusion and ignorance and is working through it in a pretty normal way is classified as “toxic”. Get back to me when they are poisoning each other, have killed several of each other’s loved ones and there is necromancy involved.

[jozor-johai]

Ned has this small speech in AGOT Bran I about why he must behead Gared, and I think there's some really interesting takeaways. Not about why he must do it, the part he focuses on; the part Ned doesn't focus on: why it's legal, and what that means for Gared.

"Do you understand why I did it?" "He was a wildling," Bran said. "They carry off women and sell them to the Others." His lord father smiled. "Old Nan has been telling you stories again. In truth, the man was an oathbreaker, a deserter from the Night's Watch. No man is more dangerous. The deserter knows his life is forfeit if he is taken, so he will not flinch from any crime, no matter how vile.

Ned moves our attention along to why Ned had to be his own headsman, but in just a few sentences here, we've been introduced to the paradox of law that makes this system so fundamentally unjust and broken.

We're told that "no man is more dangerous" than this deserter, so we might think, for a split second, that Ned feels he must kill the man because he is dangerous. But as Ned points out, the logic is actually the reverse: "he knows his life is forfeit if he is taken, so he will not flinch from any crime" (emphasis mine). It is not the prevalence of crime that is creating the demand for law, here, it's the existence of this extreme law that is generating the crime. Not wanting to be killed, the deserter would do anything to survive.

For Ned, the epitome of law in the North, who literally acts as judge, jury, and executioner, the tautology of the reasoning is irrelevant. The man is dangerous, now, whatever the situation. Of course, for Ned it's also really about an adherence to the laws of the Night's Watch, which is an institution as old as his house. It's their death sentence to declare, his to pass.

This time reading it, though, I was struck by how Ned's words here are an inversion to Septon Meribald's broken man speech, which is too long to relay here but ends with this:

"He turns and runs, or crawls off afterward over the corpses of the slain, or steals away in the black of night, and he finds someplace to hide. All thought of home is gone by then, and kings and lords and gods mean less to him than a haunch of spoiled meat that will let him live another day, or a skin of bad wine that might drown his fear for a few hours. The broken man lives from day to day, from meal to meal, more beast than man. Lady Brienne is not wrong. In times like these, the traveler must beware of broken men, and fear them . . . but he should pity them as well."

Septon Meribald is describing Gared here, just as much as he's describing the men at war. There isn't a mention here directly of the threat of punishment for desertion, which is more extreme with the Night's Watch than elsewhere, but the reality is the same. Here, though, Meribald's approach is entirely different than Ned's—Meribald, who walks among the smallfolk and gives away what good he can offer, has a much more understanding and empathetic view of these men.

Ned has the capacity for this understanding, but his role is simply not to have kindness here. All of the goodness and kindness Ned has otherwise just doesn't matter here, because here Ned is the law, and Ned is a lord still.

With the fact that even Ned is given this treatment, we see how rigid and unjust the laws and class structures are here. Even a "good person" is not good in Ned's position.

I think this highlights the cause behind the growing smallfolk unrest throughout the books and especially in Feast/Dance. Even the good lords, the ones who can see the problems at work here, are still lords, and still hold themselves to the status quo that keeps them in power above all else. And it takes a very different perspective—like the kind Arya has gotten, for example—to see it the way Meribald does. (Though Arya has gone the opposite route away from forgiveness... that's interesting too.)

[meanbossart]

some questions about du drow and his blood magic sorcerer stuff (because i'm so damn curious about lore and sorcerer is one of my favourite classes haha). how did he become a sorcerer? did bhall create him that way and only grant him access to those powers later? did du drow just... not realise he had them until he joined the cult of bhall? did he suddenly stop being a sorcerer after he was infected with the tadpole? does he still have access to those powers but he just doesn't use them? does he still use them but not to the same caliber as before? i can understand not having them after being killed by bhaal and subsequently resurrected by withers, but if they are cut off at a different point, what causes that?

i think that's all the questions i have... sorry if they're too many 😅

(Technically there are indirect spoilers for A Novel Experience in this answer but I don't think its particularly egregious. EITHER WAY I figured I'd mention it.)

I guess sorcery is something bestowed upon him by matter of being a God's spawn, but there's no solid answer here and in truth, it's anyone's guess! He was born with these powers and had a vague but progressive knowledge of their existence as he developed. As I've mentioned before, DU drow killed his foster mother and partner at the age of 10 or 11 - he is not supernaturally strong now (well, I mean that he's only as strong as you would expect a 6'5", 250lbs man to be), and he certainly wasn't back then, either - It was thanks to his sorcery streak that he could take them out at all and swiftly. From that point on, he also had to escape the Underdark all by himself, where said powers probably came in clutch.

I believe that as DU drow grew older, a mixture of forgetfulness and aversion played a role in him pushing the thought of it out of his mind. He did not practice his powers at all as a teenager and focused entirely in what his body was physically capable of doing and enduring - he was often hungry, hurting and lonely, whatever weird blood magic he spurred up as a child, bore no relevance now. In truth, his powers are pretty useless for any purpose besides quickly killing something or healing himself.

It's worth noting too that this sorcery thing is purely in service of lore; DU drow is not a character that I play table-top with and so, his sorcery isn't supposed to function exactly like it would in a game. He has a blood magnetism/molding type power based closely off the Blood Magic's homebrew additional spells. He doesn't have cantrips or domain over any other type of magic like a caster character normally would.

DU drow can only do the following: Hemorrhagia: An AoE spell that draws blood out of a creature's orifices by forceful, magical means until either the caster's concentration is broken or all affected creatures perish. Ineffective against undead or constructs. (Based on the 6th level spell Haemorrhage from the aforementioned homebrew)

Universal Recipient: The human body is like a balm, and DU drow is but a pile of meat-putty; The blood and flesh of others can be absorbed to quicken the healing of small wounds, retain the vitality of the caster, and even regenerate the function of body parts. This also makes him immune to all blood diseases, but not to all blood conditions. This is actually a passive. (Based off of "Theft Of Life".)

(I have a desire to expand upon this but my other ideas are currently irrelevant and/or undercooked. So I'll leave at that for now.)

This is based on his theoretic conception (literally a piece of meat slabbed off of a dead god), and should also explain how he would have been able to survive infancy, childhood, and later, Kressas's experiments.

Upon joining the Bhaalist temple, DU drow would come to better understand and utilize his powers, but it was often more of a threat/punishment used against his own followers rather than something ever employed against victims. He always preferred getting up-and-personal with targets and sacrifices rather than resorting to sorcery, though naturally he still enjoyed the benefits of being Universal Recipient at all times.

DU drow does not recall ever possessing these powers following his brain being scrambled and the tadpole inserted. I can also tell you right now that triggering them by accident is impossible - his rejection of Bhaal as well as his death at the temple, however, did not nullify them. Once again, Universal Recipient does remain in-effect, but the benefits enjoyed by someone who's unaware of how that power functions is far too subtle for DU drow to chuck it up to anything outside the normal range of weirdness that surrounds him. As far as his friends and himself are concerned, he just heals really well sometimes.

Thanks for being curious about it! I had been holding onto this for so long, LOL. I'm glad to finally have a reason to get into it.

[savagewildnerness]

Let’s talk about truth, lies, morals and goodness in The Vampire Chronicles, especially with respect to Lestat and Louis.

OK, all of this is going to be off the top of my head, but chat around Lestat smacking Nicolas into a wall got me thinking on a topic that’s going to be a hot topic during season 3, particularly given the TV show IWTV so far has been all about “memory is the monster.”

First of all, I want to reiterate that Rolin has said that we’re done with that theme now.  However, I just know that whatever happens in S3, some things are going to be met with “Well I think/know Lestat is lying” in some corners.   And I am absolutely not saying Lestat always tells the truth.  Lestat himself says things such as that he only lies to those he loves and that he sometimes lies to himself. There are moments in the story where I don't believe Lestat (a controversial one being that I believe the book NOLA reunion is close to Louis' account and it is Lestat who denies it as his psyche cannot accept how Louis abandoned Lestat to what Louis thought was a mortal death here. I know many disagree with me. And as I see it, it is irrelevant to the TV show as for me the reasons Lestat has for denying this encounter do not exist on the TV show so it happened, Lestat won't deny it and we can be happy that the beauty of that scene in S2E8 is real with no needed debate.)

Anyway... the whole hitting Nicolas thing today indicates one area Lestat never lies about.  When Lestat has done something bad, he’s telling us.  He’s always telling us.  He’s never trying to hide it.  And depending on how much you like him or don’t, we as readers/listeners may or may not excuse different things he does, to different degrees.  And Lestat is 100% of the time asking us to do just that.  Because Lestat is deeply terrified he is evil.  He knows he has done evil things and bad things and that he has hurt not just strangers as his monster-self, but also humans and vampires he loves.  And so he shares when he hurts someone.  And in sharing, he is pleading with us “I did this.  Do you love me now?”  Lestat is never going to lie about that kind of thing, because he desperately needs literally any random stranger on the street to (ideally) say… “I see what you are, in fullness and I love you anyway.  You are worthy of love.  You can be good.”

Oooooh… I’m going to find Lestat’s own quote on the matter from The Vampire Lestat:  “By the time we left Italy I was playing dangerous little games with mortals. I'd see a man, or a woman -- a human being who looked perfect to me spiritually --  and I would follow the human about. Maybe for a week I'd do this, then a month, sometimes even longer than that. I'd fall in love with the being. I'd imagine friendship, conversation, intimacy that we could never have. In some magical and imaginary moment I would say: "But you see what I am," and this human being, in supreme spiritual understanding, would say: "Yes, I see. I understand." Nonsense, really. Very like the fairy tale where the princess gives her selfless love to the prince who is enchanted and he is himself again and the monster no more. Only in this dark fairy tale I would pass right into my mortal lover. We would become one being, and I would be flesh and blood again. Lovely idea, that.”

We, as ‘the reader’ literally would be unable to tell Lestat what he so desperately needs to hear if Lestat lied about or minimised the bad things he does or his negative actions.  He himself feels varying levels of guilt for different things.  But he tells us what he does that is bad. Obviously this was inspired by discussion of Lestat hitting Nicki. But he was provoked into that and while he describes that Nicolas can then take the moral high ground, just as he could with The Children of Darkness in that moment... because Nicki achieved what he wanted here... Lestat tells us way worse things he does than this: murder of the most innocent, rape of innocent humans, to his closest mortal friend... he runs the gamut and he tells us every thing he does. Which is not to minimise that Lestat does harm Nicolas. That is a thing that happened. Even though obviously vampires recover quickly from physical injury.

Lestat does lie though.  Lestat, the endurer was taught as a child that when he has big feelings, they are *too much*... Although he expresses his emotion readily, even by the person who loved him most of all, Gabrielle (who does validate some of Lestat's feelings and experience), he is taught - do not sit in your feelings. Especially do not dwell in existential feelings. Move away from enduring existential pain. Move into action.  Be practical.  Fight.  You are a fighter.  You will endure.  You are strong. 

And as such, Lestat lies when he feels utterly broken.  We see Lestat as an optimist so thoroughly, not because Lestat is internally 100% optimist, rather because he chooses to be an optimist.  Internally, Lestat is not as much an optimist as he appears to others.  We ought to know as we hear his existential crises all the time, from when he was a child. We know him from the inside out.  And so Lestat lies when he feels suicidal.  He minimises his own pain. He minimises psychological damage done unto him. 

Which is a distinction - Lestat does not minimise his emotion!  He’s happy to tell us he cries and of his joy and of the whole gamut of big and human expression.  But he minimises his pain. When he is psychologically damaged, it often isn’t even that he wants to lie.  It’s that he cannot allow that of himself and so he isn’t fully aware of it in himself. And Lestat does not minimise the physical or psychological pain he does unto others. He is well aware of it. And we don't need to deny that he does cause others pain as well, as of course he does. To love is to harm as well as to heal. Show me the person who has never hurt someone they loved (emotionally/psychologically. I don't mean physically) and I'll show you a true liar....!

I just want to put these thoughts out there.  Because when we get into season 3, I want it to be very clear exactly when and why Lestat might not tell the full truth. (Obviously with the concession that TV Lestat is his own being, but I feel like surely he'll retain his core self???)

Things are very different for Louis.  There’s a similarity, as Louis too is deeply terrified of not being good.  But unlike Lestat who presents every aspect of himself and says “Here is all I am.  See me.  Can you still love me?” Louis is so afraid of what he might be that he’s scared to look deeply inside himself in case he were to look inside himself and find true horror he could not cope with.  Of course Louis has been brought up with religion in a way where he believes that were he to look inside himself and find terrible enough things, God and he himself would know and Louis himself then would be unable to endure.  Louis doesn’t need that external validation.  He knows himself.

Because Louis is afraid to look deeply within himself, he is also afraid to look deeply within others.  Which is an interesting dichotomy as of course Louis is naturally empathetic and sensitive and thoughtful.  But for example in the book IWTV he makes a lot of assumptions about Lestat without thinking about Lestat’s internal experience at all.  And he’s happy to make those assumptions as if fact as he cannot bear to delve deeply and understand himself, let alone Lestat.  Louis needs to be good just as Lestat does, but Louis imposes external moral rules upon himself so he doesn’t have to think more deeply about who he is and can just feel good if he follows his rules (much like his religion imposes its rules.). This means that when we hear things that aren’t entirely true from Louis, they often seem more like lies.  But they’re never intentional lies.  And they’re often not even misremembering - they’re simply Louis afraid to look at the all of himself.  And happily, Louis has a beautiful soul, and so once he has been able to accept himself (and Louis is aware on some level of this aspect in himself by the time he gives his first interview; aware of his fears of acknowledging all of himself - so his journey has begun even then) he is deeply empathetic and can offer this to Lestat.

And happily, at the end of S2, Louis has reached this place of accepting and understanding himself. Which is much happier than the books, where it takes him longer to truly get there.

We can look at many other characters too - some who lie to themselves; some who fail to understand aspects of themselves; some who are literally incapable of a lie, sometimes to their own detriment or destruction, so it is absolutely not always a good thing.  Some who cannot know their self fully.  All who are damaged in some way.

I don’t know where I’m going with this now.  But I guess I just wanted to open a conversation about truth and lies and goodness and evil…?

I hope this may spark some more articulate thoughts in someone else…?

And obviously, all only just as I see things/my truth.

And I guess I'm also saying that how we recount events depends on our experience of them, yes. But humans lose much to memory in a way vampires do not. For good and for bad. To not remember everything protects us, as mortals. So is it any surprise that immortals, with vampiric-level memory, as all other senses, in order to endure eternity have to not look too deeply in some areas. Or else they simply couldn't go on...

OK, shut up me! But I am curious to hear anyone's thoughts here..???

[sencubussubs]

The 3D is NEUTRAL

Hi lovelies,

I have talked a lot about reacting to the 3D but not this pivotal point! SO if you read this before my other 3D/ Circumstances related posts - good.

What does the 3D being Neutral mean?

The 3D means quite literally nothing. No, not just in the “ignore unwanted circumstances way”, the 3D itself and everything that happens in it is entirely ‘neutral’ it has no actual consequence on or causes from itself (the 3D). Because of this, anything that happens in the 3D only matters if you give value to it - not by interacting with it, but with what meanings you attach to events, people, ‘circumstances’ or whatever else in your inner world. Everything that happens in the 3D is inherently neutral, and what comes out of it is entirely dependent on how you perceive the event and if/how you continue to think about it.

After all it is the law of assumption, your assumptions - dominant thoughts are reflected into the 3D.

This is why it is easier than you might think to change the 3D - by for example ignoring a circumstance - and where the idea of “where your focus lies will manifest” comes from.

How is the 3D neutral if it stems from our Dominant Thoughts?

Yes, the 3D is a reflection of your dominant thoughts - assumptions - however it is only a reflection and an experience. The 3D’s position as a reflection is where its neutrality comes from: if you look in the mirror and don’t like your hair, you don’t blame the reflection, you change self.

Your reflection can not do anything to you to change it - thus it is neutral. The only way you create changes in your reflection is by changing self , perhaps because the reflection makes you feel a certain way, however, as creator you can decide how you let the reflection impact you.

(this is like the simplest way i can describe it)

Anything that happens in the 3D has no impact until you give it meaning. The reason most actions and events in the 3D continue or unfold in certain ways , is because you unconsciously and automatically assign meaning to things you perceive and experience. This is normal, humans are habitual creatures that act and react based on stimuli and repetition. Additionally if you live by assumptions like “everything happens for a reason” you will take 3D events much more seriously, so the 3D will not feel neutral - but it is.

When you take the time to consciously decide if an event, person or circumstance aligns with you as the version of yourself who has your desire, you are able to remove the meaning / impact or, conversely ,emphasize the meaning of it: This is when you’ll typically see the true neutrality of the 3D, because you really do get to pick and choose what stays and goes with no consequences.

Even if the 3D has, let’s say, an ongoing ‘plot’ where your SP doesn’t want a relationship with you, this literally can change in an instant as soon as you change your dominant thoughts.

The 3D is a reflection, it can not and will not argue facts and logic with you to keep a circumstance ongoing. If you look in the mirror and then put on a hat, your reflection is not going to refuse to put on a hat. like it does not have that power! The only way you give the 3d that power is by looking in the mirror and going “oh i don’t have a hat :(“ and then not putting on a hat.

Validating the 3D by letting it impact you is just validating pre-existing dominant thoughts, if they don’t serve you, don’t let them thrive!

The irrelevance of taking action

You can not change your reflection by breaking your mirror

I believe that is a quote from Neville and it explains this principle quite well. Since the 3D is a reflection of your dominant thoughts, you can only really change it with your dominant thoughts again (to change your reflection you do not do anything to the mirror you see it through, you change self). As such nothing you see in the reflection matters, only how you choose to perceive it and there from react to it (internally) does.

This is the choice between: “i don’t have a hat” versus going to put on a hat - just to clarify the hat is a metaphor for changes to your assumptions lol.

Don’t get me wrong, if you have a strong ass - i am talking netherite armour level - self concept, you likely can do whatever you want in the 3D and get what you want - but that also starts from within, with that self concept and denying all the times you took action in the 3D and didn’t get what you wanted. I also don’t like meddling with unfavourable 3D because i don’t want to give the circumstances my validation, time and attention.

This doesn’t mean that every action in the 3D is what i’m talking about, if i am hungry i eat, i am talking specifically about not needing to take action in regard to your desires.

How do we attach meaning to the 3D?

We do this unconsciously like over 95% of the time (i am using this value to give you an idea, this is not a scientifically confirmed statistic lol.) Most of the time this is done due to previous experiences.

—

example:

Someone messages you saying they don’t want to talk.

Since your associations to good relationships means people want to communicate and enjoy each other’s presence, you create the assumption they don’t like you, or will continue not to want to talk to you.

This is someone who you value highly and are desperate to have a good relationship with so you also find it easier to believe that you messed up to make this happen // that they wouldn’t want to talk to you - because of you.

This then develops an assumption of your relationship with that person that they do not like you and as such the relationship diminishes.

—

Since we are so used to deriving our understanding of the world from 3D experiences, we automatically apply meaning to new experiences based on old ones. Now just because most of the meaning we have attached to the 3D up until this point has been unconscious using logic and pattern recognition does NOT mean it has to stay that way. Since anything that happens in the 3D is inherently neutral, you don’t have to associate - in your inner world - with anything you don’t like.

Logically being told someone doesn’t want talk to you may follow the neural pathway of “if A (doesn’t want to talk to me) then b (doesn’t value or like me)” of course you can add in all the assumption that that lead up to that like “Event A (does not want to talk to me) was based off of D (assumption that i am not valued or worth being appreciated in relationships) and E (SP is amazing and deserves good relationships)” but like we could keep going like that all day…

However, who gives a fuck about ‘logical thinking’ (nerd ass emoji). On a more serious note, since your inner world (or as neville often put it your imagination) is what the 3D reflects, and you can imagine anything, you have no reason to follow or feed “logical” assumptions that make you feel bad. You do not have to internally validate any 3D circumstance or dominant thought that does not serve you. If you are able to avoid such in the 3D as well, great! if not, it doesn’t matter.

Actions like doing your job to pay your bills while changing your internal beliefs and knowing you have the better fun job internally, does not mean you are validating the belief that you are stuck at the job that sucks, cause 3D action doesn’t matter. Your internal will be reflected and you will be at the fun job in the 3D in no time, as long as you persist and don’t give in.

Only if you actively continue to think that you are stuck there and how much you hate it (and basically deeping your situation) then you are validating those beliefs.

An Important Note about the 3D and Law of Assumption

Just because the 3D is a reflection of your assumptions does not mean it isn’t real. I totally understand why some LoAss followers say it isn’t real, i personally don’t really know how i feel about that but my point is: Don’t just be a dick to people because of the lack of impact the 3D has. If you enjoy being a dick to people you likely have the assumption that they are affected by it - so yes, you are hurting people. REAL PEOPLE.

I get that the law is personal and you can do whatever you want, but if you decide to use any of the Law to hurt people etc honestly just get off of my page, my content isn’t for you. I believe people deserve to know about the law to live good lives, and no ethically good life requires the suffering of others. You have the choice on how to live your life, make the right one.

[alornights]

⟢ you took my soul.

➜ in which ! your beauty took their breath away.

💌 ﹫main 4 + butters stotch.

✩ 🎸 warnings﹗none.

🍓 ⟡ notes — me when subliminals start working, tehehe. based on the jimmy & kyle pretty people drabbles i did. idk what im doing tbh.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ eric cartman.

hates you.

the guy was so confused about why you looked like you were glowing and why his heart was about to beat out of his chest.

death stared you the entire first week you moved to town.

he later confronts you asking if you do witchcraft. you obviously answer you don't. he thinks you're lying and got plastic surgery.

you say you didn't with like the prettiest smile he's ever seen. he takes your word for it and everyone was shocked.

since then he's been like a parasite who always seems to be stuck with you always there to shoo off anyone irrelevant.

thinks he has asthma bc every time he sees you his breath cuts short and fucking hates himself for "having" asthma.

has tried on multiple occasions to "get rid" of people who bothered you even in the slightest way.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ kyle broflovski.

is actually so fucking flustered around you.

when he saw you in the cafeteria walking in he couldn't take his eyes off you the entire time, even with his friends calling for him.

if you even give him the slightest hint you're into him, he will take matters into his own hands and just brag to everyone.

for funsies of course.

deffo helps you away from any unwanted eyes, help meaning may literally threaten them in the worst ways possible.

when he's around you its like he's in a daze for him, he just feels like he's on cloud nine and is living the best life ever.

suddenly becomes the most romantic person ever, not that he wasn't already. but like hella cheesy hopeless romantic.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ stan marsh.

the classic and boring response is a throws up. but he actually doesn't do that contrary to popular beliefs.

he faints instead!

he thought he died since he saw an angel and then his vision went black but he thought hey at least that meant hed be in heaven.

he is stunned when he wakes up in the nurse's office and sees you worried about him of all people.

is like a stuttering mess but he starts slowly but surely relaxing around you, still very nervous talking to you though.

has bragged very purposely in front of wendy that y'all are friends.

while he may not be good at romance, he does try. and by trying i mean he makes u a picnic and brings takeout.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ kenny mccormick.

ay, he has a heart attack because of you.

kidding. but bro does feel his heart like- stop when he sees you walking down the halls like it's some rom-com movie.

instantly starts making moves on you, no hesitation.

doesn't matter whats going on, if he has the chance, hell take it.

at one point thought you were like his actual guardian angel because he had yet to die after meeting you.

still thinks you are and worships the ground you walk on.

very much one of those "ill do anything for you" but he actually will do anything for you, like seriously. just ask.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ butters stotch.

surprisingly the most normal of the bunch.

treats you like a normal human being thankfully.

though he does like stutter around you a lot but that calms down and he's usually back to his normal self in like a day or two.

is very much attached to you especially since his parents have

brags so much to the guys and tells them to "suck on these nuts bitch" because you don't hang out with them, ever.

has tried, and failed, to set up a date with you two. cried himself to sleep, and repeated this process for like a week.

it did work. at his house, in front of his parents! but it was kinda fun, you surprisingly got along with them very well.

[jolynesmom]

Hey, I’m really sorry to dump this onto you. I really apologize. I don’t know who to talk about this anymore.

I’m 26. Struggling with the void state. I basically messed up my entire life and career and I only found out of the void state like 8 months ago. But I find myself getting so frustrated.

I know it’s easy and it’s basically us. But I can’t seem to grasp this and achieve it. Do you have any tips about this please?

hiya, you really don’t need to apologize! I totally get you and it can take some pressure off when you talk out your worries;

I understand where your frustration comes from, it took me 4 years to finally get any results in my journey, I was just so desperate to get out of here I kept persevering even when I felt like giving up

I don’t know if you want to use the void state to shift or manifest something here but let me tell you something!!

even if it takes you 10 years to get your desires, after you get them, those years will feel so insignificant and short lived compared to the life you live after

why does it matter you messed up your life and career when you can fix everything overnight? the 3D be damned, it’s so irrelevant I literally just laugh when I think how powerless it is compared to me or you

I suggest you take a step back and relax. find the source of your frustrations and address it. treat everything with indifference and keep persisting. even with not entering the void yet, you can manifest a better life here and now. when something negative comes my way i manifest it away immediately, I don’t stay sad or stressed for more than 10 minutes. even if I fail entering the void or shifting, I remind myself I have all the time in the world to achieve it

entertaining the void is very easy: you just need an alternate state of consciousness (hypnogogia, lucid dreaming, sats etc) and intention. you don’t even need to have a positive mindset or fully believe it. if you’ve read my post on how to I entered the void, I mentioned how I didn’t think I can enter the void without doing yoga nidra then entered it a few minutes later because I simply wanted to get into the void

your thoughts create your reality. just state what you want, keep persisting and watch how your desires come to you

repetition and persistence are the keys; you don't have to fully believe the things you want to manifest, you just have to persist with the new thought

if you desire something, just immerse yourself in the idea that it's already yours in your imagination. affirm it, feel it, and don't let the current reality bother you. focus on your imagined reality (4D), persist in it, and over time, your outer reality (3D) will align with what you've imagined. that's when your desires come to life

here is some advice I can give regarding the void and manifesting, but I’ll also link some posts I hope you’ll find useful:

—the void state is nothing special, it’s just a deep meditative state just like when you zoom out in class and can’t hear, see or feel anything

—meditate; find a meditation you find comfortable doing and do it any time you can (I suggest doing it at least one time per day, especially in the morning). I like doing wim hof breathing method and listening to white, pink and brown noise. you can also use guided meditations on youtube. meditation can help you also release stress

—affirm daily for your desires. even if you get negative thoughts, ignore them and continue affirming

—be delusion regarding your desires. even if it feels icky at the beginning, keep on persisting

—if you can lucid dream use it to get into the void. it’s so easy and quick

links:

—cici’s meditation guide for beginners

—the void state is easy

—jani’s law of assumption guide

—the best and fastest way to manifest

—enter the void on command by turning off your left brain side

—lucid dreaming guide

—void method: wake back to bed

—void method: pink hof breathing method

—void method: distraction method

—void method: lullaby method

—meditations to enter the void state

I wish you the best!! I hope only positive things come your way from now on 🤍

[andy-wm]

When you can't stop thinking about Jikook.

A couple of days ago i responded to a post about Jikook, and I've been thinking about it ever since. I wanted to write down my thoughts here because they just won't leave my head.

I've seen a few posts and comments recently about whether we still think they're 'together' now that we don't see them together.

Thinking about this has made me realise just how real they are. Because It's not about any of us. Its not about ARMY and it's not about BTS. It's only about them.

Their relationship is not performative. They don't put on a show for us. They don't invite the viewer in, in the way a constructed fantasy does. Because their story isn't constructed. Because they are not a fantasy.

They exist far beyond stolen moments or heated looks on screen. They have private jokes we don't understand. They share touches that imply intimacy way beyond what we see. They have a life together that DOES NOT INCLUDE US.

Honestly, I think JK and JM don't care if we do see them. Having us there won't stop them doing what they're doing, but it is not done for us. It's not about us. It's about them. In fact, we aren't invited.

There have also been a few posts about how strange it is that people will ship JK with literally anyone but Jimin.

Any time anyone shares a space or a camera frame or a glance with JK, fantasies about their romance start coming out. Its wild. Threads about the supposed romance appear. They trend ship names. They stalk and threaten any woman (only ever women, never the men) who dared to look his way. They either buy in, or they refute with all their proof and theories.

And looking at this repeating cycle, I think I understand why these people will never ship JK with Jimin. And I understand why people who ship JK with random other men and women have a problem with JK & Jimin being together.

It's because there's no way a jikook romance can be their romance. They have no place or role to play in the jikook story... not through being paladins in a secret war (like tkkrs want to be) and not through substitution (as a y/n fantasy). In this romance, everyone but jikook are irrelevant. We don't exist in Jikook's world. For people who just want to support them, that's no problem. We happily cheer them on from the sidelines.

But people who need to be INVOLVED ... those people hate when they don't CONTROL or OWN this story. They hate that JIKOOK DON'T OWE THEM ANYTHING. They hate that their opinions really DON'T MATTER.

Look at them....

There's no space for us to insert ourselves into this story. In this moment, and in so many others, we simply don't exist. And i love that.

I WANT to close the door and leave them to it. 💜

[codenamesazanka]

absolutely insane to me that Deku went and saved Shigaraki without a single thought about him and his situation. and it was justified. I know it's supposed to be brave and heroic and admirable, that he just ran head first into 'wanting to save that crying child', and in some ways it is, but it just. weird how we barely get any reflection or inner thoughts about it from him.

it's not like he was facing any strong opposition to saving Shigaraki - no questions of 'but shigaraki is dangerous, is this the moral thing to do, does he deserve this, why focus on him and no one else, why do you feel so strongly about this, if you hadn't seen that crying child then what?', so it wasn't even like he was shrugging off those hard answers. Ignoring naysayers and obstacles. Powering through with an iron will. Didn't need to address it! 'I wanna save that crying child'.

Even Shigaraki asks him, via the memories of Stain and Overhaul and ReDestro. But Deku just says 'no!' and that's that.

Ultimately the answer we get is 'he just wants to relieve Shigaraki's pain, he believes everyone has the same hearts'... but that motivation doesn't even come from him in the form of a shonen protag shout proclamation. Someone else has to do it for him?????

And that reasoning is nice and all! but it's so easy to bring up examples like Muscular, or AFO, and wonder if he thinks they have the same heart too, and wouldn't he want to help them as well? And because like I said above, he's never challenged on this, he never elaborates on why he might save Shigaraki but not Muscular, it makes the 'same heart' creed vague. it makes it feels like either some people actually don't have the same hearts because they're innately evil, or he needs to see them cry before he wants to help. or, idk, they did stuff so evil their hearts doesn't matter any more. Shigaraki did that too, evil stuff, but what separates Shigaraki from them is The Crying Child. And so good thing AFO has never shed real tears even as a baby (because he's innately evil).

admittedly it's really only when the societal angle was at play in Shigaraki Tomura's development that those questions are relevant, so now that it's revealed AFO plotted everything, none of that really matters. Questions of what is deserved, whether it's right to save this guy who wants to annihilate entire islands, if he even should be paying attention to villains - all rendered irrelevant. AFO was behind all of Shigaraki's actions, so the questions can't be applied to him, he was a puppet victim, so Deku was right to want to save him.

head empty, only 'save shigaraki'. and then—'head empty' justified, because none of the issues surrounding Shigaraki was real; 'head empty' justified, because things like 'what creates victims? what turns them into villains? why are they doing what they're doing' doesn't matter. AFO was behind it all.

Yeah, yeah, I know other people that addressed the non-AfO-caused issues. But that's the thing. other heroes addressed it. Not Deku. Shouldn't he have been part of addressing it, since he wants to be the greatest hero??? Oh, but maybe it's better if he doesn't, because then he won't be a pillar? the work is shared?

idk. Just doesn't work for me. must be working for other people though, and I'm jealous.

also. this all makes moments like at the mall and Jaku, where Shigaraki was essentially point blank giving away his damage - All Might smiling like there's no one he can't save, Heroes sweep pain under the rug - terrible in retrospect cuz like. he just ignored Shigaraki. You might say that what Shigaraki said was too vague for Deku to make out, but it's really not. literally, "All Might smiles because he thinks there's no one he can't save" is just overflowing with resentment, and in Jaku Shigaraki looked like this:

beseeching to the heavens.

It's not quite that Deku sees pain and wants to relieve it in general, else he would've wanted to help Shigaraki from the start. It has to be in the form of someone super sympathetic. the crying child.

I guess I have to hand it to him that once he finally does feel sympathy, Deku will stop at nothing to want to save.

I just think that's a terrible pre-requisite.

[ya-zz]

okay, didn’t tell you i was coming in here so hi my love.

i did mention this idea to you a little though, i need some junkrat x reader but it’s reader introducing junkrat to their mom. (ana)

just some parental fluff please <3

thank you sweetheart :3

Hiiii, hello~

I hope this is what you were looking for

Junkrat x Reader (gen)

Word Count: 1337

You had been dating the junker for a few months, never a day went by that was the exact same as the other. He was something else entirely, definitely not someone you would’ve thought you would fall for given his looks or demeanour. Jamison was a little bit of a hot head, figuratively and literally, but you loved him all the same. 

He would do anything to make sure you were okay, he didn’t care about himself, as long as you were okay, that’s what mattered most to him. His hands were gentle when he held you, calloused fingers grazing against your cheeks, thumb on your lips when he was intimate.

Jamison would always smell burnt, even after the countless showers and baths he would share with you, but despite the smell, you had grown used to it. He was messy, but his workstation was always clean. His hands were always washed before he stroked your soft skin, oil and debris scraped from under his fingernails. 

But, there was the underlying issue; Jamison wasn’t exactly the man someone would take home to meet their partners parents. Now, your mom, Ana Amari, wasn’t judgemental, she lets you love whoever you want to love, but Jamison probably wasn’t the man she had in mind for you. 

Sooner or later, however, you’d have to let him meet her. 

It was a plan in the works. Get him washed, clean him up and begging for him to wear something presentable. It was a struggle, but he was committed to it. To you. 

…

…

“I need you to trust me.” You say to your mom. 

“Oh, sweetie, I do.” Ana starts, her hand holding yours before she reaches for her cup of tea on the coffee table. “If you love him and he treats you right, that’s all that matters. Not all junkers are a piece of crap.” 

“He’s just not… someone you’d think I’d fall for.” There was hesitation laced in your tone as you spoke. “But I love him regardless, no matter what you say or think.” 

The woman lets out a hearty chuckle. “My dear, you are worrying too much. Are you happy with him?” 

“Yes.”

“Do you feel safe with him.” 

You hesitate for a split second, hoping she doesn’t pick it up. “Yes.” 

Her eyebrow raises. “You hesitated.”

“Mom-” You sit up straight. “I feel safe with him.”

She nods her head, humming in response, though it was an uncertain hum. 

“Jamison has his moments, but that is irrelevant.” You try to reassure her. 

“Has he done anything to hurt you?” She asks. 

“No. Never.” You take a sip of your own tea. 

Ana nods her head again. “You would tell me if he does?” 

“Yes. You have my word, mom.” You smile, a genuine look that reassures her completely. 

“Alright.” She returns the smile. “Now, when do I get to meet this gentleman? I will cook for us all.” 

“How does tomorrow night sound?” You suggest.

“Tomorrow…” Ana looks through her calendar on the holopad. “Tomorrow is perfect. What does this junker like to eat?” 

…

…

You spoke to him that night, hand attempting to comb through his hair. “You’ll get to meet her tomorrow.” 

“I won’t lie to ya, I’m kinda nervous.” 

“You? Nervous?” You laugh, wiping away some dirt from under his eye. “Come on, she won’t hurt you.” 

“But she is the esteemed Ana Amari.” He leans into your touch. “And your mum too.” 

You laugh softly. “Regardless of her status, she’s looking forward to meeting you. She’s making your favourite food too.”

You saw the way his eyes lit up when you mentioned what Ana was cooking for him, it makes your heart flutter, the anxiety you were feeling dying down instantaneously. 

“Don’t worry so much. You’ll be fine. We have all day to make you look presentable.”

Jamison’s cheeks rise in heat as your thumb grazes over it. You plant a soft kiss into his lips as his hands pull you flush against his body. 

“One last night of fun before you completely ruin my good looks?” Jamison whispers against your lips, a smirk forming on his own. 

You let him push you down, lips crashing together. “You bet.” You gasp between breaths.

…

…

The day finally came, Jamison was washed and dressed, hair slicked back and the dead, burnt ends were cut. He looked… more or less presentable, at least more than before. 

“Are ya sure I look okay?” The junker asks, looking over himself once more in the mirror. He was wearing casual clothing, shirt and jeans, nothing too fancy or over complicated.

You pull the sweater over your head, smoothing the fabric over your torso. “You look perfect, love.” Approaching him, you wrap your arms around him, planting a kiss to his cheek. “Come on, we don’t want to keep her waiting.” 

The drive over there was tense, you could tell he was nervous. The way his leg bounced, the anxiety rising within him, you had never seen him like this. You place a hand on his thigh, thumb rubbing gently against the cloth. 

“You’ll be fine.” 

“I sure don’t feel fine.” He admits sheepishly. His eyes are vacant as he looks out of the window, watching the passing scenery. Jamison looked pale, body shaking slightly. 

It was hurting you, but the drive was almost over, you were nearly there. 

Once the car pulled up to the driveway, you take a moment to breathe, the nervousness rising within you. 

“Come on.” You say, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. “Think of the food.” 

His eyes softened as he nods. “I am pretty hungry.” A toothy grin and laugh escapes him as you laugh alongside the junker. 

Ana appears at the door the moment the pair of you stand on the porch, arms open and awaiting for you to hug her. You waste no time in doing so, feeling her warmth envelope you. 

“It’s good to see you.” She speaks, the familiar warmth in her voice. 

“You say that like you didn’t just see me yesterday.” You joke as you pull back. “Mom, this is Jamison.” You turn, opening your hand and gesturing over to your partner. 

The junker ruffles his hair before scratching the back of his neck. “G'day.”

“Please, come on in.” Ana gestures for the two of you to enter the house. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

You escort the junker to the sofa where Ana brings over some tea and a special drink for your partner. You nudge him. 

“Cheers!” His demeanour completely changes when he holds the cup of boba. The childishness that radiates from him makes you smile. 

“Figured it would make you feel at ease.” You admit, knowing that it was his favourite drink. 

Ana sits down on the sofa opposite the pair of you. “Your partner has spoken highly of you, Jamison. I’m glad to hear you’re treating them well.” 

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, of course!” He looks over at you with a toothy grin on his face. “They mean the world to me. Wouldn’t change ‘em for anythin’.” 

“Stop.” Your cheeks flush. 

Ana lets out a soft chuckle, eyes creasing at the corners. She sees his genuine smile, the honesty in his voice as he speaks. As she sips her tea, she listens to the stories he tells her, the mischievous adventures he went on with you. Jamison was excited, the anxious nature finally dying down as he finally feels like he’s home. He has another parental figure in his life, one who he believes would help him when he needed it. 

“You really are happy.” Ana states, eventually standing from the sofa after an hour. She sees you nod, the same creases in the corner of your eyes. 

Jamison watches as Ana walks towards the kitchen. The next question she asks makes the junker giddy, his body warm with excitement and a sparkle in the otherwise crazed eyes.

“Now, who’s hungry from some Junkertown loaded burgers?”

—

KOFI

[cellarspider]

29/30 Quit while he's a head

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We return to a movie that does not know when to stop when it’s behind, Prometheus. Content warning for a random last bit of metaphorically kicking David’s head around like a football.

So, we last left Shaw lying on the ground, fully in the I Can’t mood, which I was actually feeling sympathy for. Let’s see how long that lasts, because David is about to give her a call.

“Dr. Shaw… can you hear me?” “Yes. Yes, I can hear you.” “I was afraid you were dead.” “You have no idea what afraid is.”

Is this just the lashing out of someone who’s emotionally overwhelmed at the moment? Could be! We’ll check back in on that in a minute.

David informs Shaw that they can escape, because there’s more ships. I’m not sure whether this is intended to be a plot twist, because the movie already showed us that there were identical buildings all lined up in this canyon. But nobody ever mentioned them or thought to check them out, so maybe Shaw literally did not ever think of that.

Next thing we know, Shaw has found David, and demands to know where her cross is. “Even after all this,” says David, “you still believe, don’t you?”

Shaw says nothing, because this movie does not appear to have any idea what her faith might mean beyond “believes a thing, cross good, God made Engineers.”

I’m not a religious or spiritual person, and I’m annoyed at how shallow this turned out to be. This movie has an explicitly christian worldview, and yet it doesn’t engage with actual christianity at all. This is bonkers.

David is also of the opinion that Shaw’s plans are similarly inexplicable–David assumes they want to go to Earth.

You know what would’ve made a tense, relatively cheap sequel to this? Have them head towards Earth. Have Shaw repair David, and then realize he plans to use the black goo on humanity. Too late to keep him from gaining control of the ship, you wouldn’t even need a critter to hunt Shaw or whatever, it could be kept as a straight thriller, where she has to figure out a way to stop David.

But no, Shaw wants to go to where the Engineers came from. 

“May I ask what you hope to achieve by going there?”  “They created us. Then they tried to kill us. They changed their minds. I deserve to know why.”  “The answer is irrelevant.”

Oh, no it is not, David. The answer is very relevant. It’s absolutely maddening, but I will GET to that next time.

In the meantime, Shaw completes her undermining of my brief moment of sympathy for her.

“Does it matter why they changed their minds?” “Yes. Yes, it does.” “I don't understand.” “Well…”

You can stop right there, Shaw.

“I guess that's because I'm a human being… and you're a robot.”

That is the face of a man who has just added another entry to The List.

What the hell kind of line is that. I really, truly do not understand that. In alternate versions of this scene she called him a fucking robot instead, so they were really committed to this idea that she’d deny the personhood of David right here. He's behaved horribly toward others, but basically in the way a child behaves horribly when they feel slighted. He has been mistreated and he didn't like it, so he did what he felt would make it stop. That's a very immature, very human reaction.

Is the movie unaware of this, or is Shaw unaware of this, and making a mistake?

Holloway was positioned as an unlikable character, partly on the weight of using real-world racist language toward David. What does this mean for Shaw? Does this confirm that she’s not supposed to be a likable or moral protagonist? Because she starts doing a “This is Ellen Ripley Elizabeth Shaw” message in a bottle end monologue, as they sail away to David murdering her between now and Alien: Covenant. This is her last living act, as far as her on-screen participation in the series is concerned.

This is just ambiguous enough to make me confused, and not because I’m conflicted about her character–I thought she was a wingnut from early on, and she contributed to a whole lot of destruction and deaths the movie didn’t sell me on as being inevitable. I’m confused because I cannot tell if this movie has a protagonist-centric morality or not.

As stated before, films do not need to follow any sort of moral code or consistency. But when they do, there are two broad ways to go about it: Either a moral code stands on its own, and characters are tested against it regardless of who they are, or morality is exemplified by the protagonist(s), defining the moral framework of the movie through their actions.

Neither of these are inherently bad. They can lead to what we once called “flamewars” on Ye Olde Internet, because this distinction is not explicitly announced by the story, or any story really. If one person thinks a story’s morals are protagonist-centric, or perhaps all stories are protagonist-centric, then a story with a real bastard of a main character can create a very angry response.

As I said previously, Ridley Scott has directed movies where the protagonist is not the moral center of the universe. But big spectacle action movies tend to lean in that direction, and the writer for this movie wrote and produced for both the JJ Abrams Star Trek movies.

You see my problem here.

I’m still thinking that Shaw isn’t meant to be taken as morally correct here. I’m just confused as well, because her ending message is hopeful. That she’s going off to a home planet of the Engineers, because “It is New Years Day, the year of our Lord, 2094," and she’s “still searching” for answers.

I hope that her hope is meant to be read as foreboding. Delusional. I don’t know. What is she expecting, showing up in what they now know is a bioweapon bomber? Why not spend some time trying to figure out how to not bring an apocalypse’s worth of ordinance to wherever she wants to go? “I come in peace” isn’t going to be very convincing when you can–and David certainly will–kill everything that moves.

What a weird way to end the movie. If its characterization wasn’t so often flimsy, I might like it. Instead, I’m just left spinning my wheels as we fade out.

Oh, sorry, we haven’t ended it yet, we need a non-human chestburster to go reee at the camera, like how Alien versus Predator ended.

Great. Good job. That didn’t cheapen the movie at all.

What a mess. What a mess of a movie that didn’t know itself.

But we are not done. Because traditionally, as the credits are rolling, I tell my friends about an interview Ridley Scott gave after Prometheus came out. One where he talks about the Engineers and their motivations.

I have heard the screams of my friends as I told them, and I have laughed. You’re next!

⛬

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Citations for alt-text rambles

https://media.tenor.com/mweqSDA_s_gAAAAC/game-of-thrones-got.gif 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Offspring_(Star_Trek:_The_Next_Generation)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pharyngeal_jaw 

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gQYNl0DEC7w/UYhmdkvmOVI/AAAAAAAACA4/HYWxCBYccHM/s1600/Sandworms.jpg

https://bogleech.tumblr.com/post/745405355995037696/i-forgot-people-dont-generally-know-what-these