#this is literally so far severed from canon but it could be fun

[thenerdyalien]

My headcanon about Arthur's mortality (or how I think he was able to survive before Merlin came to Camelot)

"(The griffin is a creature of magic.) It is born of magic, sire, and it can only be killed by magic." - Gaius, S1E5

Alright, since Merlin is trending again for no reason I'll share one of my lastest headcanons I came up with during my last Merlin rewatch.

There was something about this line from Gaius and the way the camera then directly pans out to Arthur that made me think of an interesting headcanon that would explain how Arthur managed to survive so long without Merlin.

You see, according to this logic, because he was born of magic, Arthur can only be killed by magic (or weapons forged by magic *winkwink*). So he could never really die from simple illnesses or battle wounds unless those were directly inflicted by magic. And, since Uther started the purge against magic right after Arthur was born, he probably wouldn't have had much contact with it in his early years (at least until he became a knight and started going out on quests, raids, etc).

That would explain why (much like Merlin) he seems able to endure so many injuries (broken ribs, poisoned arrows, etc) that other knights can't. (I mean, just the fact that this man didn't sustain some severe brain damage from all the times he's been knocked out is impressive lol)

What I'm saying is that being born of magic must have given him some sort of endurance that other mortals don't have, because by Gaius' logic the circumstances of his birth in itself made him a sort of creature of magic (just like Merlin).

It would also make for a good Canon divergence fic in which this was the reason that made Uther start the purge in the first place (to protect his son from the only thing that could kill him)...and it can get even more angsty if you add in the fact that Merlin is literally magic itself, but I digress.

Anyway, I'm probably reading way too much into this. I doubt the writers would've thought so far ahead as to put foreshadowing so early on in the series. But I just thought it was an interesting headcanon and just another fun parallel between Merlin and Arthur.

[sundrop-writes]

The Perfect Brat

Dom!Elle Greenaway x Dom!Fem!Reader x Sub!Spencer Reid

Summary:

Spencer acts up. You and Elle put him in his place. It’s an unconventional relationship, but it works so well.

Dom!Elle Greenaway x Dom!Fem!Reader x Sub!Spencer Reid. Co-Workers with Benefits. Smut/PWP. 

Word Count: 2,900

Criminal Minds Masterlist | AO3 Link

THIS IS A RE-POST. This is a fic from my old blog (a blog that was shadowbanned, forcing me to move). This fic is not stolen, it is completely mine, and I am just re-posting it to help people find my new blog, and to make my masterlist complete when I post new fics for this fandom.

Detailed warnings and author’s notes below the cut.

Warnings: this is primarily a smut fic; reader uses she/her pronouns and has a vagina; this could be read with or without considering the major canon events; dom/sub dynamics - Dom!Elle, Dom!Reader, Sub!Spencer (he is definitely more of a brat in this and I had so much fun writing it); implications of an ongoing poly relationship between the three of them; punishment and reward (Spencer is punished for being mouthy/talking back); size difference kink/reverse size kink (the reader loves how skinny and easy to toss around Spencer is); Spencer is spanked, Spencer is gagged with his own tie (the tie is also used like a leash on him); general rough play; Spencer calls the reader ‘Miss’; undertones of humiliation kink, mentions of subspace, mentions of pain kink, Spencer is called a whore, a slut a stupid brat;degradation kink (towards Spencer); mentions of paddling; mentions of jealousy; bondage - Spencer has his hands tied behind his back; Spencer wears a cockring; orgasm restriction (toward Spencer); Spencer is forced to watch while Elle fucks the reader with a strap-on (the reader is a bottom between Elle and the reader, but she still is 100% a dom in this); as mentioned - strap-on sex (Elle fucks the reader with a strap-on); crying kink (Spencer is pretty when he cries); mentions of pegging (from Elle toward Spencer); hair pulling (reader receiving); Elle is called 'Mistress’; the reader and Elle could both be considered mean in this. I hope that’s everything and I haven’t missed anything important.

A/N: the inspiration behind this is actually so funny. I was working on the second part of Lessons For A Genius and I literally thought to myself 'Spencer is too nice in this. he’s too well behaved’ - and then I started thinking about a fic where Spencer is a bratty sub and gets punished, and then in that scenario, Elle suddenly appeared in my head (I guess because Elle has such dom energy and she’s always bossing Spencer around in the show, this is just too real, they have so much chemistry) - and next thing I know I was opening another tab to write this because I couldn’t help myself. So I hope you guys enjoy it!! I would love to write more fics where Spencer is a bratty sub in the future. I just love writing sub!Spencer in general. (some people have asked me to write dom!Spencer and I am warming up to it very, very slowly.) anyway, please enjoy!

...

You were in the room for less than thirty seconds when Spencer’s pants were down. 

Usually, something like this occurred out of pure lust or need. Spencer was a very needy boy. It was rare that you felt this much annoyance building up inside of you. It was rare that you tore off his clothes out of anger. 

But he had mouthed off to you in front of the local cops, whining that you ‘weren’t his mother’ when you asked him how many cups of coffee he’d had that day and advised him to drink some water. It had been a sassy comeback that had several of the men in the room laughing, and at the time, Spencer had been grinning into that ill-advised seventh cup of coffee, thinking that you couldn’t see him. 

It was something that got a warm rage simmering inside of you. 

Generally, he had been the biggest kind of brat all day. He had been mouthing off, even going so far as to talk back to Hotch when given orders. And you weren’t taking too kindly to it. 

He had to know who was in charge. He had to know that you wouldn’t stand for him being a mouthy brat. 

The door to the hotel room had barely closed behind you before you had his belt undone, the heft of the leather causing the fabric of his slacks to drop to his ankles. This left him entirely exposed from the waist down, feeling a rush of vulnerability, knowing he was in trouble. His stomach clenched in anticipation. You weren’t entirely surprised to find that he wasn’t wearing underwear. He had been acting out all day because he was feeling needy, apparently. 

Before he could speak, only uttering out a few half hearted protests, you shoved him hard. He was so skinny, so easy to push around, it was almost laughable. You pushed him until you had him exactly where you wanted him - bent over the dresser in the middle of the room. It was a chest of drawers with an attached vanity mirror, forcing him to bend over it and brace his hands on the surface so he could look at himself in the mirror. 

So he could stare himself down and face all of his beautiful shame as you tore him apart. 

“Look, Miss, please-” He stuttered out. 

Clearly he was still trying to come back from this, still trying to grovel, trying to apologize. 

But it was too late for that. You had decided that during the car ride back. 

“Shut up.” You told him gruffly. 

You reached around his body to his front and grabbed his tie, slipping it slightly loose before you brought it partway up his head. He was confused by this, until you slipped the loop into his mouth, effectively gagging him. You then spun it so the length of the tie was at the back of his head. You tightened it harshly then, causing him to moan as the fabric scuffed sorely against the sides of his mouth. 

But that wasn’t all. 

You yanked back on the length of the tie as though it were a leash, pulling his tall body into a tense arch, forcing him to be exactly where you wanted him to be. He moaned deeply as a wave of pleasurable pain shot through his body, his back cracking slightly as you forced him into such an uncomfortable position. Your other hand was on his lower back, keeping his hips pinned against the edge of the dresser as you forced his neck back as far as it would go. 

His muscles quivered and tears easily came to his eyes. His cock throbbed harshly with all of it. He always needed to be put in his place. He needed his head to be emptied as the control was taken away from him - as he was owned wholly, his body and mind no longer his own. 

When you were sure that he would stay like this, the subspace setting in and making him slightly more compliant, you moved the hand on his lower back. This forced him to hold the position on his own, his legs becoming shaky - but he didn’t move to make himself more comfortable, which did cause you to grin. 

Then, you hauled your hand back, delivering a harsh spank across his bare ass cheek. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You bit out harshly. “I know I did not train you to be such a fucking brat.” 

You delivered another spank, his soft skin already turning red from your hits. Your palm was stinging slightly, but you didn’t care. It gave you a certain thrill, and it was worth teaching him a lesson if his ass was sore tomorrow and he remembered this. Usually not being able to sit right did help him remember to behave. 

All Spencer could do was moan in response, being very effectively gagged by his own tie. His cock was angry and hard, trapped between his pelvis and the edge of the dresser as you punished him. 

“You’re just a needy little whore, aren’t you?” 

You barked, pulling his neck back even harder. This caused him to whine out in pain, such a beautiful sound that had you dizzy with pleasure as your ego swelled. You pulled him closer to you and placed your lips close to his ear, hissing the next words near his cheek with malice. 

“What’s wrong? The needy slut doesn’t get enough attention?” 

“Come on, Y/N, take it easy on him,” Elle chuckled from the corner, taking a sip of her drink. 

She had ridden with Morgan, so she had made it to the room an easy five minutes before you and Reid had. And thus far, she had been heavily enjoying the show that the two of you were putting on. But she did think you were being a bit too rough considering that Reid was a bit lippy on a good day. 

“Oh, I need to take it easy?” You chuckled sarcastically, looking over your shoulder at her. 

You tossed your hold on the tie, letting Spencer’s body relax forward slightly while you assessed Elle. He let out a whimper of relief, but didn’t make any further noise to draw attention to himself - not wanting the two of you to gang up on him and make his punishment even worse. (The two of you were devious minds, and when you worked together, it was a beautiful kind of destruction.) 

Sitting there, Elle was smug as ever, staring you and Spencer down with a clear heat in her eyes. 

“Last time you paddled him, he couldn’t walk for a week.” You added on, bringing up the memory to try and prove your point. 

“He was flirting with that waitress, he deserved it.” Elle said, speaking as though it was the obvious thing in the world. 

Generally speaking, you weren’t even sure if Spencer knew how to flirt. You thought that for the most part he just didn’t know when other people were flirting with him and didn’t know when to deflect it to stop it from pissing you and Elle off. But you had enjoyed it too much to argue with Elle about it - his bright red ass and awkward gait for the week following that paddling had just been too good. 

You used the tie-leash and a tight hold on one of his hips to spin Spencer around, tossing him onto one of the double beds in the room. He landed roughly on his stomach with a light bounce. He let out a jagged moan as his exposed cock scraped against the cheap hotel bedspread. But - true to form, trying to prove that he was a good boy, he did nothing more than lay there, staying perfectly still where you had put him. 

Elle grinned at him before she looked back to you. 

“So, what do you think we should do with him?” You asked, putting a hand on Spencer’s shoulder to flip him over onto his back, presenting him to her like a filthy prize. 

Spencer whimpered quietly and blinked up at you and Elle with big, wet eyes, clearly thinking that the puppy dog look could get him some sympathy. But there was no chance of mercy. He had already made his bed, and he was going to get fucked in it.

“I have a few ideas.” Elle chuckled. 

… 

That was how Spencer ended up in his current position. 

He was sitting in the chair that Elle had previously been sitting in, stripped completely naked. A light sheen of sweat had formed over his skin, causing his hair to stick to his forehead in that beautifully desperate way. His hands were tied behind his back with his own belt, and a cockring was secured around the base of his needy, throbbing cock. 

There was no possible way for him to get relief. Even if he became so desperate as to hump the furniture, all that he would get was a fruitless, horrible dry orgasm. The cockring so tight around him definitely assured that. And with his hands tied behind his back, he couldn’t take it off. Especially not with the way the two of you were keeping a watchful eye on him. 

You and Elle certainly weren’t going to let him get away with anything. 

He certainly wasn’t going to get out of your line of sight. That was the whole point. 

The bulk of his punishment was to watch. 

To watch you and Elle and not be allowed to touch his needy, throbbing cock. To have a feast of sights before him, but be stuck, not allowed to cum. Not even allowed to feel the slightest bit of relief against his pathetic dick until you or Elle decided that he’d had enough. 

“Please.” Spencer begged hopelessly. 

His hips arched up into the air slightly, humping into nothing, fruitlessly seeking contact. His cock dribbled out precum, almost as if the pretty pink cockhead was weeping out in protest, trying to show his deep, unsatisfied need. 

“Please!” He bawled. “I’ll be a good boy! I promise!” 

His voice was so beautifully wrecked. It sent a wave of pleasurable tingles right through you. 

“Did you hear that?” Elle chuckled behind you. “He promises.” She cooed these words mockingly. 

Both of you knew that it wasn’t a promise he could keep for too long. 

Elle huffed out a devilish laugh as she raked the sharpness of her nails across your back. She sounded just as amused as you were watching Spencer’s pathetic attempts to get back on both your good sides. 

“I fucking doubt it.” You grunted back breathlessly. 

“If he wasn’t so pathetic, I might take pity on him.” Elle said, her voice taking on that mean edge that she knew Spencer loved. 

He moaned at the words, his hips flexing up once again. Unlike when he played poker, during sex, he always gave away all his cards, always showed what pleased him most and what his weakest spots were. It was one of the reasons you loved taking him apart so much. One of the reasons you loved owning him. 

“If you were a ‘good boy’, you’d shut up and watch me fuck your precious Miss without complaining,” Elle said, continuing to mock him, fucking her hips harder into you to drive home her point. 

She had you in the middle of the bed, perfectly on display for Spencer - on your hands and knees, completely stripped naked. The two of you were a perfect visual tease for him - with Elle in her bright red lacy bra, a commanding presence behind you with her thick seven inch strap-on buried in your wet, wanting pussy. You were absolutely enjoying yourself as she fucked in and out of you with an intense roughness. 

Most of the time, the two of you teamed up as a wicked force against Spencer - and combined, you were a deadly sinful team. But when the two of you took the time to enjoy pleasuring each other, it was a rough, chaotic slice of heaven. Like lighting clashing against itself in the best way. 

When you did let her fuck you, you weren’t whiny or submissive to her wills. You took it well, never begged for it. And she understood you and what you needed - the feeling of a thick cock splitting you open, that rough touch that Spencer never gave you because he was so subservient to your will. You loved the fact that she didn’t treat you like a glass doll. 

“Please!” Spencer tried again, going directly against Elle’s order to sit there and shut up. 

You weren’t sure if it was him playing up again or if he actually thought he could talk his way out of this somehow. 

“Please, let me touch you! Let me help you cum! Let me service you, Miss! I’ll be so good!” Spencer begged, his words dissolving into sobs as the desperation heightening within him. 

“What? You think you’re allowed to touch this pussy? You think you should be allowed?” Elle growled, fucking into you so hard that it caused a wet smacking to resonate through the room - something that made Spencer want you even more. 

You laughed in response to Spencer’s whiny antics, and the incredible fake cock plunging into you from behind - a sound that dissolved into a loud moan when Elle reached around and rubbed your clit, clearly wanting even more from you. 

Elle hammered her hips against you like she hated you, fucked into your pussy with a brutal passion. She was partially trying to show Spencer what he was missing out on, a deadly ache growing in his gut when he thought about the emptiness he felt without her perfect fake cock. Because he did spend a fair amount of time fucked out and drooling on her strap when she wanted to fuck him with it - from either end. 

And she was partially trying to get you to be messier, wetter, louder, putting on more of a show for him. The more beautiful and pornographic you were, the more effective his punishment was (not that it was hard for you to become a walking sex dream, as gorgeous as you naturally were). 

Elle loved to fuck you like this - she loved having your tight pussy hugging the silicone of her cock. You were a challenge. You didn’t simply beg for her cock, your body didn’t just mold and bend to her wills because she touched you with strong hands. You always fucked your hips back into her twice as hard, and you laughed and snarled back if she called you a dirty bitch. 

It was part of the reason that the two of you so perfectly destroyed someone as needy and submissive as Spencer. Spencer, the type of person who got whiny and started acting up if he didn’t get enough attention from either of you in the run of a day. 

“I’ll be good!” Spencer whined. “Please! Please, just touch me! I promise I won’t do it again!” 

His eyes had become as wet as his cock, the tip glistening with precum as tears dripped from the corners of his eyes, his entire being reeking of desperation and uncontained lust. 

“Do you even know what you did this time, you stupid brat?” Elle prodded, her voice dark and lacking any sweetness as she spat the words across the room at him. 

Spencer let out a wounded sound that was barely recognizable - perhaps he was trying to compose himself to speak, perhaps he was truly clueless. 

He could be so mouthy sometimes, but most of the time, he didn’t even recognize his sass as a problem. 

“What makes you think you’re worthy to touch her? What makes you think that you get to touch her after being such a dumb brat all day?” Elle teased him. 

She emphasized her words by yanking back on your hair, delivering a pleasurable amount of pain that made you moan out as she continued to harshly thrust her hips into your wet cunt. 

“What makes you think that a brat like you gets to touch these perfect tits?” Elle mocked him, leaning over you to grope roughly at your swaying breasts. Of course, just to show him what he couldn’t have and heavily enjoying your body in the process. 

You chuckled at this, enjoying the way Spencer’s features twisted up in displeasure. Clearly he was whiny, wanting so badly to touch you - but he hadn’t earned it. Not tonight. 

He let out a few more tears before he spoke again. 

“I’m sorry.” He sniffled quietly. “I’m a bad boy. I’ve been bad.” 

“Why?” You heaved out, breathless from Elle’s efforts. “Why are you bad?” 

“Good boys don’t talk back.” Spencer finally admitted, his voice weak with defeat. 

“Look, the genius finally figured it out.” Elle commented, beautiful condescension dripping through her voice. 

“Good!” You huffed, fucking your hips harshly back into Elle’s cock while you locked eyes with Spencer’s wet, glassy ones. “Now keep your whiny fuckin’ mouth shut while Mistress fucks me, and maybe - fuck - and maybe I won’t keep that cockring on you all day tomorrow.” 

Spencer whined harshly at this, but didn’t protest. Elle grinned, planting a kiss on the back of your neck before she dug her nails into your hips and fucked you faster.

...

A/N: This is a standalone oneshot, and there will not be a sequel or a continuation of it. If you enjoyed this, please comment about the body of work that has been written. If you want to see more Spencer fics that I have written, definitely check out my Criminal Minds Masterlist, or check out my other Masterlists to see if anything catches your eye.

[klaunee]

Edit 2/12/2024: I wanted to add a disclaimer to my redesigns! I really appreciate all of the likes and comments that these have garnered, but I just want to add that these aren't intended to be "improvements" or "fixes" of the original designs in any way and were done as a character design exercise for my own entertainment. Looking back on them there's a lot I'd like to change about them and I'd never claim to be anything more than an amateur/hobbyist character designer messing around with these character concepts. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tentative Beelzebub redesign for fun. Not 100% on it, but wanted to give my attempt at it! Explanation below.

(warning for images of real insects!)

Instead of the party girl angle of the canon design I wanted my interpretation of Beelzebub to be a sophisticated captain of industry for her Beelzejuice operation who also happens to be an impeccable hostess, hence her parties. She was based on several different insects:

Honeypot Ant - I'm not the first to take inspiration from a honeypot ant for a Beelzebub redesign, but it just fits so perfectly as a compromise for the canon design's lava lamp abdomen. It's obscured by her wings, but she has a transparent abdomen full of syrup.

Flea - Since she reigns over the Hellhounds, I thought this would be an appropriate inspiration given her semi-parasitic relationship with her subjects.

Fly - Because Beelzebub is known as "Lord of the Flies", this was a given, and the primary inspiration for the design.

Bee Fly - However, I based her on a bee fly as well as a sort of compromise between the canon version's bee theme.

The one thing that confuses me most about Beelzebub's canon design is her honey... syrup? I'm calling it syrup. Her syrup "hair". It really threw me off at first and it just doesn't make much sense to me. I wanted to reinterpret it as a boa to give her a glamorous look and emulate the fluffy necks of bee flies. The inspiration for this fabulous look was also the character Queen Camilla from that one Rudolph movie.

My Beelzebub has a similar personality as Queen Camilla, being a very warm, motherly woman who wants nothing more than to sate the gluttonous desires of her subjects. She inevitably takes this too far, however, and I would depict her as more of an antagonistic figure than the show did. Ideally Loona would be crashing her party, ingratiating herself to the Hellhounds and provoking Beelzebub's anger.

Speaking of anger, Beelzebub's syrup boa is prehensile, seeing as she's able to manipulate her syrup in the show. This factors into her full demon form, which would see her morphing her syrup into a more intimidating shape, such as four massive arms:

This is just one (very rough and not ideal) concept for what her full demon form could look like to illustrate the idea. Outside of this form, she's actually very small, the smallest of the Seven Deadly Sins and significantly smaller than her Hellhound subjects.

Her hair is a pair of double beehives for the pun, and because the shape looks like both a giant heart and a fly's head + eyes. Her design contains several heart shapes because I think it's cute and to go along with the canon design's focus on being - literally - sweet. Her eyes are meant to look like both inverted crosses and a fly's segmented eyes, and her eyelashes are her antennae.

The fact that she has four pairs of wings (which are arranged to look like a royal cape) and the heart symbol on her main pair is a reference to the Dictionnaire Infernal's depiction of Beelzebub.

Her prominent lips are based on a fly's proboscis, and a running gag in the show could involve her mouth actually drooping like a fly's does in moments of shock.

I tried to give her a more matronly look than the canon version for some diversity in ages depicted on the show, even though she's an immortal being. She would not be dating Tex in this version.

[superstarz9]

Ya’ll fw a couple MORE Mr. Puzzles hcs?

Cause I got them :}

He was gifted the hat by his mom. It’s a permanent part of him with how much he’s worn it.

He gets it, and won’t say anything about it, but he hates it when he regarded as just the scary “tv” head guy. He’s much more than a pretty screen, people!

The pants are custom made and he has like 20 pairs. He also has several pairs of his shirt and vest.

Will change the second there’s a spot on his clothes. He needs to remain as pristine as possible.

If he wasn’t a workoholic, he’d beat all the moms at candy crush. He’d try to be a literal god at candy crush, and would honestly buy extra lives if he was furious with how the match went and he ran out.

Plays computer solitaire to distract himself when the ratings aren’t good or he needs a mental reset.

Adding to these two, since he has computer elements in his brain (probably), he can probably predict where the game is going to go. The older the console, the easier it is.

He’d be a god at minesweeper.

Does not and will not swear no matter how bad it gets.

If he goes to a concert, he’ll just be doing the equivalent of maladaptive daydreaming the whole time, planning out shows and movies for the songs

Loves the orchestra. He loves movie scores and would totally go to those events where there’s an orchestra playing the soundtrack live as the movie plays.

He’ll whine about not having friends or being able to talk to people but he will refuse to talk to anyone in public, going so far as to mute anyone who tries speaking with him. If he’s at an event and someone tries sparking a conversation with him, he’ll look away awkwardly and reply with “uh huh, yep, oh wow,” and so on until they leave. In a relationship, you could introduce him to people but he’s still be the same unless you were apart of the conversation.

Loves movie/show trivia but it’s a double-edge sword. If you take him on a date to a bar for movie trivia night, he’ll have fun and get everything right (and infodump a lot) but a question will pop up and the official answer will be wrong and Mr. Puzzles will just go ballistic.

Canonically has hammer-space abilities in the shows and can pull out anything he needs. Need a first-aid kit? Got it right here. Emergency costume? Has your size in multiple colours to choose. Someone pissed you off? Just say when and he’ll have something ready.

He doesn’t have proper heating in the studio(since he doesn’t need it) and the place is freezing when there’s the slightest breeze outside.

He uses different colognes and even used febreze a few times to smell his best, but he perpetually smells like cigarettes

He kins spongebob.

Technically canon but he’s an entrepreneur, and has multiple businesses (a tech company based on the keyboard from it’s gotta be perfect, selling the showgrounds). He also phrases puzzlevision as his “latest business venture,” in the movie’s teaser. He bounced between different businessed to earn enough money to buy the studio and the equipment he’d need.

With that being said, he’s unintentionally a con artist. Though he tries to have a somewhat clean business, he cuts corners often to get the products out sooner or doesn’t perform proper safety protocol. He doesn’t really care, though, as his main goal was and is Puzzlevision. He pretty much stopped the second he found the smg4 crew.

Terrible at art. He tries, but not even you can hold back your laugh if you see his art.

If he hasn’t slept for a while his voice is warped and a little glitched.

I forgot if I already posted this but his underpants are so those heart boxers but instead of hearts they’re stars.

So real quick, I just wanted to say that ONE OF MY HEADCANONS HAS BE CONFIRMED LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! It is now confirmed that Mr. Puzzles CAN speak multiple languages, but still needs subtitles. God, I love being right /j

Fr tho, it’s really awesome having him back so soon. Maybe a little early, but I’m not complaining lol. From the sounds of it, he’ll be a reoccurring villain like SMG3 used to be, which I’m honestly relieved by. It’ll be rlly refreshing having a silly antagonist again honestly. I’m looking forward to seeing more of this fricken nerd lol

Also if you guys have any suggestions or requests please let me know! Questions and comments are also appreciated! Thanks and have a great day!

[chocokayke]

Here's Alkaloid for my Splatoon/Enstars AU! All weapons are referring to their Splatoon 3 kits, because that's what I'm most familiar with. I wanna give a shout out to @mdkm444 for making this fanart that inspired this whole AU in the first place. : )

More info on each character below the cut.⬇️

Hiiro

I'm giving him the highest honor I could bestow on a character... My main.

I think Splatana Deco fits him, and how he sees himself at the beginning. It's a very mobile weapon and aggro with a supportive kit. He can easily strife with opponents to draw fire from his teammates, while also setting up beacons, and setting of tentamissles to displace enemies.

The idea is that he mostly sees himself as his brother's "shield" at the beginning, and I feel like having a weapon that supports and takes fire suits that role.

As he grows and gets more comfortable with his place in Alkaloid, he would pick up more aggressive weapons. I just really like the idea of him with dualies. I think he has a lot of fun zipping around with dodge rolls. : )

He runs a lot of Quick Respawn abilities.

I think his backstory would stay mostly the same, actually.

Aira

He's 100% that guy who draws hearts in the enemy base.

He strikes me as the type of person who would play weapons that are meta without fully understanding WHY they're so good.

He started out playing vanilla Splash-o-matic, but he sucks so bad at Crab Tank. Mayoi thought something more mobile would suit Aira, so he recommended Inkbrush and Carbon Roller to him.

Hiyori wears his eye makeup the same way. This is a very important piece of Aira lore.

Mayoi

Mayoi has the biggest change to his backstory out of Alkaloid. He was originally an Octarian Soldier under DJ Octavio.

He was there for the Splat1 final boss and the Calamari Inkantation. He is NOT Agent 8, to be clear. He escaped after Marina, but before Agent 8. He wasn't in the subway. (But the idea of him in the subway is very fun, and that might be something to explore in an AU of this AU.)

He's a huge Squid Sisters fan.

He first escaped to Inkopolis, but it was too overwhelming for him, and he ended up traveling a lot before settling down in ES.

He plays a lot of weapons, and at knows a lot about the weapons he doesn't play. He's extremely skilled and knowledgeable. He's a fantastic coach, and everyone wants them to coach their teams! (Help him.)

Unfortunately, he is still Mayoi and still has severe anxiety! Despite how skilled he is, he's too scared to play alone and is pretty low ranked. That's why he got his status as an "underachiever."

Generally plays a lot of long ranged weapons to stay as far away from the action as he can. Snipewriter is his main, but E-Liter deserves an honorable mention.

Any closer ranged weapons he plays are more supportive than aggressive. This bad boy can pop out so many Inkstorms and Tacticoolers.

I probably should have added Hydra Splatling to his list instead of Heavy Edit tbh? But, eh, he can play both.

I think Snipewriter fits his main really well due to the fact that it has super long range, paints well, and has a supportive kit. At the time I'm writing this, it's also the best competitive weapon in Splatoon 3.

Tatsumi

His backstory is also similar to his canon one.

His leg got damaged and wouldn't repair itself when he respawned, so he had to get it removed it let it regrow naturally. Squids can do that, don't worry about it. : )

The guy who makes sure your base is 100% inked during Turf War.

Me and my friend both agreed it is extremely funny for Tatsumi to run around with his beginner weapon going like ^_^: so that's what he mains.

Then my other friend recommended me what they call "noob trap" weapons, which is mostly short ranged shooters (Sploosh and Aerospray) so I immediately added those to the list. I feel like they suit Tatsumi, and kind of mirror how inept he is with technology in canon.

Despite that, he's actually quite skilled! He does pretty well with short ranged shooters and has fun playing with them. They're his go to choice, but he's experienced in a lot of different weapon classes.

Anyway, you know how the Sunken Scrolls in Splatoon 3 introduced Squid Jesus--

[tenpintsofsundrop]

The Perfect Brat

Dom!Elle Greenaway x Dom!Fem!Reader x Sub!Spencer Reid (Smut Blurb)

Concept: Spencer acts up. You and Elle put him in his place. It's an unconventional relationship, but it works so well.

Word Count: 2,900

Criminal Minds Masterlist | AO3 Link

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Full list of warnings and author's notes below the cut.

Warnings: this is primarily a smut fic; she reader uses she/her pronouns and has a vagina; this could be read with or without considering the major canon events; dom/sub dynamics - Dom!Elle, Dom!Reader, Sub!Spencer (he is definitely more of a brat in this and I had so much fun writing it); implications of an ongoing poly relationship between the three of them; punishment and reward (Spencer is punished for being mouthy/talking back); size difference kink/reverse size kink (the reader loves how skinny and easy to toss around Spencer is); Spencer is spanked, Spencer is gagged with his own tie (the tie is also used like a leash on him); general rough play; Spencer calls the reader 'Miss'; undertones of humiliation kink, mentions of subspace, mentions of pain kink, Spencer is called a whore, a slut a stupid brat; degradation kink (towards Spencer); mentions of paddling; mentions of jealousy; bondage - Spencer has his hands tied behind his back; Spencer wears a cockring; orgasm restriction (toward Spencer); Spencer is forced to watch while Elle fucks the reader with a strap-on (the reader is a bottom between Elle and the reader, but she still is 100% a dom in this); as mentioned - strap-on sex (Elle fucks the reader with a strap-on); crying kink (Spencer is pretty when he cries); mentions of pegging (from Elle toward Spencer); hair pulling (reader receiving); Elle is called 'Mistress'; the reader and Elle could both be considered mean in this. I hope that's everything and I haven't missed anything important.

A/N: the inspiration behind this is actually so funny. I was working on the second part of Lessons For A Genius and I literally thought to myself 'Spencer is too nice in this. he's too well behaved' - and then I started thinking about a fic where Spencer is a bratty sub and gets punished, and then in that scenario, Elle suddenly appeared in my head (I guess because Elle has such dom energy and she's always bossing Spencer around in the show, this is just too real, they have so much chemistry) - and next thing I know I was opening another tab to write this because I couldn't help myself. So I hope you guys enjoy it!! I would love to write more fics where Spencer is a bratty sub in the future. I just love writing sub!Spencer in general. (some people have asked me to write dom!Spencer and I am warming up to it very, very slowly.) anyway, please enjoy!

...

You were in the room for less than thirty seconds when Spencer’s pants were down. 

Usually, something like this occurred out of pure lust or need. Spencer was a very needy boy. It was rare that you felt this much annoyance building up inside of you. It was rare that you tore off his clothes out of anger. 

But he had mouthed off to you in front of the local cops, whining that you ‘weren’t his mother’ when you asked him how many cups of coffee he’d had that day and advised him to drink some water. It had been a sassy comeback that had several of the men in the room laughing, and at the time, Spencer had been grinning into that ill-advised seventh cup of coffee, thinking that you couldn’t see him. 

It was something that got a warm rage simmering inside of you. 

Generally, he had been the biggest kind of brat all day. He had been mouthing off, even going so far as to talk back to Hotch when given orders. And you weren’t taking too kindly to it. 

He had to know who was in charge. He had to know that you wouldn’t stand for him being a mouthy brat. 

The door to the hotel room had barely closed behind you before you had his belt undone, the heft of the leather causing the fabric of his slacks to drop to his ankles. This left him entirely exposed from the waist down, feeling a rush of vulnerability, knowing he was in trouble. His stomach clenched in anticipation. You weren’t entirely surprised to find that he wasn’t wearing underwear. He had been acting out all day because he was feeling needy, apparently. 

Before he could speak, only uttering out a few half hearted protests, you shoved him hard. He was so skinny, so easy to push around, it was almost laughable. You pushed him until you had him exactly where you wanted him - bent over the dresser in the middle of the room. It was a chest of drawers with an attached vanity mirror, forcing him to bend over it and brace his hands on the surface so he could look at himself in the mirror. 

So he could stare himself down and face all of his beautiful shame as you tore him apart. 

“Look, Miss, please-” He stuttered out. 

Clearly he was still trying to come back from this, still trying to grovel, trying to apologize. 

But it was too late for that. You had decided that during the car ride back. 

“Shut up.” You told him gruffly. 

You reached around his body to his front and grabbed his tie, slipping it slightly loose before you brought it partway up his head. He was confused by this, until you slipped the loop into his mouth, effectively gagging him. You then spun it so the length of the tie was at the back of his head. You tightened it harshly then, causing him to moan as the fabric scuffed sorely against the sides of his mouth. 

But that wasn’t all. 

You yanked back on the length of the tie as though it were a leash, pulling his tall body into a tense arch, forcing him to be exactly where you wanted him to be. He moaned deeply as a wave of pleasurable pain shot through his body, his back cracking slightly as you forced him into such an uncomfortable position. Your other hand was on his lower back, keeping his hips pinned against the edge of the dresser as you forced his neck back as far as it would go. 

His muscles quivered and tears easily came to his eyes. His cock throbbed harshly with all of it. He always needed to be put in his place. He needed his head to be emptied as the control was taken away from him - as he was owned wholly, his body and mind no longer his own. 

When you were sure that he would stay like this, the subspace setting in and making him slightly more compliant, you moved the hand on his lower back. This forced him to hold the position on his own, his legs becoming shaky - but he didn’t move to make himself more comfortable, which did cause you to grin. 

Then, you hauled your hand back, delivering a harsh spank across his bare ass cheek. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You bit out harshly. “I know I did not train you to be such a fucking brat.” 

You delivered another spank, his soft skin already turning red from your hits. Your palm was stinging slightly, but you didn’t care. It gave you a certain thrill, and it was worth teaching him a lesson if his ass was sore tomorrow and he remembered this. Usually not being able to sit right did help him remember to behave. 

All Spencer could do was moan in response, being very effectively gagged by his own tie. His cock was angry and hard, trapped between his pelvis and the edge of the dresser as you punished him. 

“You’re just a needy little whore, aren’t you?” 

You barked, pulling his neck back even harder. This caused him to whine out in pain, such a beautiful sound that had you dizzy with pleasure as your ego swelled. You pulled him closer to you and placed your lips close to his ear, hissing the next words near his cheek with malice. 

“What’s wrong? The needy slut doesn’t get enough attention?” 

“Come on, Y/N, take it easy on him,” Elle chuckled from the corner, taking a sip of her drink. 

She had ridden with Morgan, so she had made it to the room an easy five minutes before you and Reid had. And thus far, she had been heavily enjoying the show that the two of you were putting on. But she did think you were being a bit too rough considering that Reid was a bit lippy on a good day. 

“Oh, I need to take it easy?” You chuckled sarcastically, looking over your shoulder at her. 

You tossed your hold on the tie, letting Spencer’s body relax forward slightly while you assessed Elle. He let out a whimper of relief, but didn’t make any further noise to draw attention to himself - not wanting the two of you to gang up on him and make his punishment even worse. (The two of you were devious minds, and when you worked together, it was a beautiful kind of destruction.) 

Sitting there, Elle was smug as ever, staring you and Spencer down with a clear heat in her eyes. 

“Last time you paddled him, he couldn’t walk for a week.” You added on, bringing up the memory to try and prove your point. 

“He was flirting with that waitress, he deserved it.” Elle said, speaking as though it was the obvious thing in the world. 

Generally speaking, you weren’t even sure if Spencer knew how to flirt. You thought that for the most part he just didn’t know when other people were flirting with him and didn’t know when to deflect it to stop it from pissing you and Elle off. But you had enjoyed it too much to argue with Elle about it - his bright red ass and awkward gait for the week following that paddling had just been too good. 

You used the tie-leash and a tight hold on one of his hips to spin Spencer around, tossing him onto one of the double beds in the room. He landed roughly on his stomach with a light bounce. He let out a jagged moan as his exposed cock scraped against the cheap hotel bedspread. But - true to form, trying to prove that he was a good boy, he did nothing more than lay there, staying perfectly still where you had put him. 

Elle grinned at him before she looked back to you. 

“So, what do you think we should do with him?” You asked, putting a hand on Spencer’s shoulder to flip him over onto his back, presenting him to her like a filthy prize. 

Spencer whimpered quietly and blinked up at you and Elle with big, wet eyes, clearly thinking that the puppy dog look could get him some sympathy. But there was no chance of mercy. He had already made his bed, and he was going to get fucked in it.

“I have a few ideas.” Elle chuckled. 

… 

That was how Spencer ended up in his current position. 

He was sitting in the chair that Elle had previously been sitting in, stripped completely naked. A light sheen of sweat had formed over his skin, causing his hair to stick to his forehead in that beautifully desperate way. His hands were tied behind his back with his own belt, and a cockring was secured around the base of his needy, throbbing cock. 

There was no possible way for him to get relief. Even if he became so desperate as to hump the furniture, all that he would get was a fruitless, horrible dry orgasm. The cockring so tight around him definitely assured that. And with his hands tied behind his back, he couldn’t take it off. Especially not with the way the two of you were keeping a watchful eye on him. 

You and Elle certainly weren’t going to let him get away with anything. 

He certainly wasn't going to get out of your line of sight. That was the whole point. 

The bulk of his punishment was to watch. 

To watch you and Elle and not be allowed to touch his needy, throbbing cock. To have a feast of sights before him, but be stuck, not allowed to cum. Not even allowed to feel the slightest bit of relief against his pathetic dick until you or Elle decided that he’d had enough. 

“Please.” Spencer begged hopelessly. 

His hips arched up into the air slightly, humping into nothing, fruitlessly seeking contact. His cock dribbled out precum, almost as if the pretty pink cockhead was weeping out in protest, trying to show his deep, unsatisfied need. 

“Please!” He bawled. “I’ll be a good boy! I promise!” 

His voice was so beautifully wrecked. It sent a wave of pleasurable tingles right through you. 

“Did you hear that?” Elle chuckled behind you. “He promises.” She cooed these words mockingly. 

Both of you knew that it wasn’t a promise he could keep for too long. 

Elle huffed out a devilish laugh as she raked the sharpness of her nails across your back. She sounded just as amused as you were watching Spencer’s pathetic attempts to get back on both your good sides. 

“I fucking doubt it.” You grunted back breathlessly. 

“If he wasn’t so pathetic, I might take pity on him.” Elle said, her voice taking on that mean edge that she knew Spencer loved. 

He moaned at the words, his hips flexing up once again. Unlike when he played poker, during sex, he always gave away all his cards, always showed what pleased him most and what his weakest spots were. It was one of the reasons you loved taking him apart so much. One of the reasons you loved owning him. 

“If you were a ‘good boy’, you’d shut up and watch me fuck your precious Miss without complaining,” Elle said, continuing to mock him, fucking her hips harder into you to drive home her point. 

She had you in the middle of the bed, perfectly on display for Spencer - on your hands and knees, completely stripped naked. The two of you were a perfect visual tease for him - with Elle in her bright red lacy bra, a commanding presence behind you with her thick seven inch strap-on buried in your wet, wanting pussy. You were absolutely enjoying yourself as she fucked in and out of you with an intense roughness. 

Most of the time, the two of you teamed up as a wicked force against Spencer - and combined, you were a deadly sinful team. But when the two of you took the time to enjoy pleasuring each other, it was a rough, chaotic slice of heaven. Like lighting clashing against itself in the best way. 

When you did let her fuck you, you weren't whiny or submissive to her wills. You took it well, never begged for it. And she understood you and what you needed - the feeling of a thick cock splitting you open, that rough touch that Spencer never gave you because he was so subservient to your will. You loved the fact that she didn’t treat you like a glass doll. 

“Please!” Spencer tried again, going directly against Elle’s order to sit there and shut up. 

You weren’t sure if it was him playing up again or if he actually thought he could talk his way out of this somehow. 

“Please, let me touch you! Let me help you cum! Let me service you, Miss! I’ll be so good!” Spencer begged, his words dissolving into sobs as the desperation heightening within him. 

“What? You think you’re allowed to touch this pussy? You think you should be allowed?” Elle growled, fucking into you so hard that it caused a wet smacking to resonate through the room - something that made Spencer want you even more. 

You laughed in response to Spencer’s whiny antics, and the incredible fake cock plunging into you from behind - a sound that dissolved into a loud moan when Elle reached around and rubbed your clit, clearly wanting even more from you. 

Elle hammered her hips against you like she hated you, fucked into your pussy with a brutal passion. She was partially trying to show Spencer what he was missing out on, a deadly ache growing in his gut when he thought about the emptiness he felt without her perfect fake cock. Because he did spend a fair amount of time fucked out and drooling on her strap when she wanted to fuck him with it - from either end. 

And she was partially trying to get you to be messier, wetter, louder, putting on more of a show for him. The more beautiful and pornographic you were, the more effective his punishment was (not that it was hard for you to become a walking sex dream, as gorgeous as you naturally were). 

Elle loved to fuck you like this - she loved having your tight pussy hugging the silicone of her cock. You were a challenge. You didn’t simply beg for her cock, your body didn’t just mold and bend to her wills because she touched you with strong hands. You always fucked your hips back into her twice as hard, and you laughed and snarled back if she called you a dirty bitch. 

It was part of the reason that the two of you so perfectly destroyed someone as needy and submissive as Spencer. Spencer, the type of person who got whiny and started acting up if he didn’t get enough attention from either of you in the run of a day. 

“I’ll be good!” Spencer whined. “Please! Please, just touch me! I promise I won’t do it again!” 

His eyes had become as wet as his cock, the tip glistening with precum as tears dripped from the corners of his eyes, his entire being reeking of desperation and uncontained lust. 

“Do you even know what you did this time, you stupid brat?” Elle prodded, her voice dark and lacking any sweetness as she spat the words across the room at him. 

Spencer let out a wounded sound that was barely recognizable - perhaps he was trying to compose himself to speak, perhaps he was truly clueless. 

He could be so mouthy sometimes, but most of the time, he didn’t even recognize his sass as a problem. 

“What makes you think you’re worthy to touch her? What makes you think that you get to touch her after being such a dumb brat all day?” Elle teased him. 

She emphasized her words by yanking back on your hair, delivering a pleasurable amount of pain that made you moan out as she continued to harshly thrust her hips into your wet cunt. 

“What makes you think that a brat like you gets to touch these perfect tits?” Elle mocked him, leaning over you to grope roughly at your swaying breasts. Of course, just to show him what he couldn’t have and heavily enjoying your body in the process. 

You chuckled at this, enjoying the way Spencer’s features twisted up in displeasure. Clearly he was whiny, wanting so badly to touch you - but he hadn’t earned it. Not tonight. 

He let out a few more tears before he spoke again. 

“I’m sorry.” He sniffled quietly. “I’m a bad boy. I’ve been bad.” 

“Why?” You heaved out, breathless from Elle’s efforts. “Why are you bad?” 

“Good boys don’t talk back.” Spencer finally admitted, his voice weak with defeat. 

“Look, the genius finally figured it out.” Elle commented, beautiful condescension dripping through her voice. 

“Good!” You huffed, fucking your hips harshly back into Elle’s cock while you locked eyes with Spencer’s wet, glassy ones. “Now keep your whiny fuckin’ mouth shut while Mistress fucks me, and maybe - fuck - and maybe I won’t keep that cockring on you all day tomorrow.” 

Spencer whined harshly at this, but didn’t protest. Elle grinned, planting a kiss on the back of your neck before she dug her nails into your hips and fucked you faster.

[speedforce-zoomies]

Something I think that’s funny (not in a judgey way) is how a lot of the fandom views Tim’s relationships with the other Batfam members/Gotham heroes

Tim might be the bat fam member/Gotham vigilante with the most positive relationships out of every one but for the angst a lot of people ignore that (again not judging, also love a good angsty fic, just think it’s interesting) and I listed it out below : )

Tim & Alfred - Alfred loves him, that’s one of his boys

Tim & Jim Gordon - as far as I’m aware Gordon has never had anything bad to say about Tim

Lucius Fox - they worked well together to stop Ra’s al Ghul from destroying Wayne enterprises/Industries (whatever its being called now) in Red Robin

Tim & Bruce - that’s his son and most of the time Bruce acts like it

Tim & Selina “He’s a goody two-shoes but I like that kid” (Catwoman #31)

Kate Kane - as of Tim Drake: Robin their relationship hit a rough spot but he was still wanting to do whatever he could to protect her so I think they are/ will be good

(Tim & Luke Fox - genuinely have no idea if they’ve had any significant interactions so I’m gonna assume they’re good but not sure if it counts so I’ll leave that up to individual opinion)

Tim & Barbara - Barbara has said he’s the only batboy with manners lol and she has fallen for his baby brother charms

Tim & Dick - has literally stated in canon that he would do anything for Tim, he’s Dick’s litte brother, Dick is absolutely Tim’s favorite brother

Tim & Jean Paul Valley - JPV hurt him but due to his reaction to hearing Tim got the clench and trying to save him he obviously still cares and they’ve worked together since so I think they’re on good terms

Tim & Helena - she was so genuinely heartbroken when she thought he was killed by killer croc, has also fallen for his little brother charms

Tim & Cassandra - siblings who have each others back no matter what

Tim & Jason - despite their rocky start, as of Knight Terrors: Robin they’ve been shown to have a civil if not a positive relationship

Tim & Stephanie - besties despite being exes

Tim & Harper Row - what I’ve seen of them has been a fun relationship “I should go. Probably some kind of mischief going on.” “Mischief huh?” (Batman Eternal #52 I think)

Tim & Duke Thomas - they alway come through for each other and haven’t had any beef as far as I’m aware

Tim & Darcy Thomas - good relationship

Tim & Damian - as of Tim Drake: Robin, Tim is calling Damian his little brother. They may have hated each other in the beginning but they don’t now

(Am I missing anyone??)

Out of the other characters that are generally considered to have good/positive relationships with everyone else -

From my understanding, Alfred, Gordon, & Barbara have had mostly positive relationships with the others (sometimes they’ve had bumps in the road but usually the relationship recovered from that) but I don’t recall if they have had a relationship with ALL of the above characters

Cass and Jason did have beef due to extremely different ideologies and I’m not aware of that being resolved

Duke Thomas has not been shown to have interactions with all of those listed above

Dick has some on again off again beefs with some of the others

+ other beefs I’m aware of

Jason & Damian last I recall were still getting into tumbles whenever they made the other angry, which is a lot

Bruce has multiple beefs going on at all times it seems : (

I feel like I’m forgetting some unresolved beef involving JPV but maybe I’m wrong

Anyways my point is, unless I’m majorly wrong about any of the above, or forgetting several people, Tim is most likely the canonical Batfam member with the most positive relationships amongst Gotham vigilantes (if I went past that that list would never end lol) even if a lot of his relationships with the others started out rough or had a rough patch at some point

[earthstellar]

what are some other nice moments from Rescue bots?

This show is loaded with them!!! :)

Here we go, some nice moments in Rescue Bots!!

I'm going to write this with the assumption that some people reading this may not have ever seen Rescue Bots or might only be somewhat familiar, as I realise the target audience skews much younger than most Transformers media does, so I'm not 100% sure how popular it was outside of that demographic in total.

Off the top of my head:

-There is an in-universe VR game called Element Quest that has a couple really good episodes, the design is cute and there are tons of meme references. Blades, at one point, goes "I used to like video games. Then I took an arrow to the knee." LOL

-I think it's cool how they actually do tie in their continuity with TFP's continuity. For example, "What Rises Above" (RB) canonically comes before "Nemesis Prime" (TFP), and this is directly referenced in the dialogue in TFP when Optimus says that he is late arriving to the base as he was exploring an underground energon deposit-- This is the deposit he explores with the Rescue Bots.

-THERE IS A MUSICAL EPISODE. IT IS EXTREMELY GOOD

-Woodrow Burns, the Chief's brother, is kind of an idiot asshole, although he's not actively malicious. But he is great with the kids and for whatever reason the only thing I can ever remember about this character is when he goes up to Cody after it's been a long time since he saw him last and says "You've grown a whole foot since the last time I saw you-- Now you'll need three socks!" IDK I just think that's a real cute dad joke thing to say to a little kid lol :')

-There is an episode where they explore the local folklore of Griffin Rock, and TL;DR the local lore is that their island is where literal griffins used to nest seasonally. So throughout the episode, there's this kind of vibe of "OK are these electrical magnetic pulses or whatever like a science problem or a magic problem" and it's actually a very cute and fun vibe, especially since Cody is talking about the lore in the first place as part of his work towards a Scouts badge and Blades is very cute in this episode, the bots are all like "okay magic isn't real but uhhh what if magic's real?" for a minute and it's great :')

-Doc Greene/Green creates a ton of fun science devices throughout the show, but the names of some are just so doofy and fun. I love the "Torna-Don't", which is a thing designed to dispel tornados. Of course. lmao

-All the weird small town local events are also very silly and cute, and weirdly realistic for those of us who are familiar with this kind of local event thing, lmao. One of my favourite concepts is one of what seems to be several crawdad-related festivals, in which there is apparently a televised crawdad race. It's a bunch of shrimps put on a tiny racetrack, like Olympic runners. LOL

-At one point, Blurr shows up, and when the Rescue Bots are trying to acclimate him to working with humans, Chase is like "Humans seem to have two genders, which are defined by how many cooties they have." This implies that as far as the Rescue Bots are aware, 1) cooties are real and 2) human gender is defined solely by how many cooties a person has, and not by anything else, thus leaving their understanding of human gender fairly open (and it is also clear they have solely learned about gender from young kids in a small town which is likely why they state there are two genders but then make it clear that gender is a cooties thing and not an inherently physical thing, which makes sense in context and is kind of great because it gives more leeway for gender diversity than I expected) and I love this a lot. What is human gender? Cooties. That's all. So someone with a particularly high number of cooties could be another gender altogether, because why not?

-There is a body swap episode, which treats us to Blades in Dani's body trying on dresses in her room. He picks an orange and white one, which matches his paint job. I also love this a lot.

-Heatwave is gruff as hell especially at the start of the series and constantly starts shit or perpetuates shit with Kade, which is super funny. Just this centuries old Cybertronian fucking with this doofus boy who keeps leaving donuts in his cab. God dammit Kade, lmao.

-There is an episode where Cody is aged up via Science Device, and we get to see an older Cody, who more closely resembles his father than his older brother does. It's cute that he'll look like his dad when he's older. :')

During this episode, he assists in a rescue, and the girl his brother has a crush on tries to hit on him, but he clearly doesn't get what's happening and thinks it's icky because of course he does, he's a kid. I just think this scene is handled well and it's cute that his reaction to being hit on is still "ewww girls" but his brother is still absolutely pissed off about it anyway LMAO like jesus Kade, relax

-Kade's mostly an asshole but he's shown to be a really good rescuer who genuinely cares about people, and he has moments where he really comes through for his family and realises on his own that he should shut up and back down on his bullshit, thus making him a better developed and more realistic asshole brother character than 99% of asshole brother characters in most shows. I think this is pretty solid because it does lead to effective character development here and there, and it makes his positive moments with his family and the bots that much nicer. :)

-Cody is such a good kid. He is often willing to give people or ideas a chance when nobody else will, and even though he's too young to actively participate in most missions, he stays involved by helping at their dispatch centre. He's a smart little dude, who has a lot of heart and a ton of potential. One of the few child characters in anything that I actually like, because I think they write him extremely well: He is young, but he is not stupid. He is not treated like an accessory or like the property of his family, he's his own person with a distinct personality within his family, with a reasonable amount of autonomy. And he's a person who is still learning and has valuable contributions while also needing guidance or support at times. 10/10

-Dani gradually gets better at helping Blades deal with his flight anxiety (and sticks up for him when the others might mock him a little for it), and this is not only inherently very nice and cute, but it also makes a lot of sense as she is a first responder/medic and we see her offer the same reassurances towards the people she helps to rescue.

-The writing for the Burns Family in general is some of the best family group character writing in anything tbh, they handle the family dynamic so well in this show, and it's extra cute as the Rescue Bots all learn a lot from observing how the family takes care of one another and the townspeople they rescue. :')

-Blades has anxiety. I also have anxiety, so I am biased and clearly love this dude, lmao. He's so fucking relatable and even though sometimes the others rip on him, it is clear that they're also very proud of him for trying his best to deal with a situation which for him is particularly difficult (he was forced to take a flight capable alt-mode when this is something he is explicitly not comfortable with) and his team mates do support him, even though Heatwave is a douche sometimes (although it is clear this is usually due to stress or something else and that the actual problem isn't Blades). Over the course of the series, Blades does develop a little more confidence, and it's very cute and nice to see him puffing himself up a little more. :)

-The overall attitudes the bots have towards humans in this show is sweet. It's clear they don't really understand humanity or humans as a whole, but it also doesn't really matter because they are so specifically oriented to their local population on the island and their focus is a relatively small community of humans. They take their duties seriously and will protect this population, even if they don't really understand the people outright. They gradually start to respect the locals (and the Burns Family) more and more as they work with them, and get acclimated to Earth. They love their dumbass weird little humans :')

This leads to a lot of fun shenanigans with the bots not understanding things, or only understanding things as they have been explained by the children, which is hilarious.

-There is an episode where local thieves steal Chase, and inspired by Cody's school drama project, he decides to go undercover after watching a bunch of old detective movies. This includes him narrating things to himself, which he is called on when Dani enters the garage and asks him "Why are the lights off? Are you talking to yourself?" lmao

-Although it isn't explicitly canonical, it's easy to interpret both Chase and Blades as being neurodivergent. Both of them display various behaviours and traits which can potentially be understood in this way, and I'm just glad that there's a show for kids where two of the main characters, who are rescue workers, are shown to be competent and skilled at their jobs and accepted by the community for who they are while also being neurodivergent. <3 It's such a good vibe when the other characters support or defend these two in particular, especially when Chase or Blades might be confused or upset about something. Chief Burns is especially great working with Chase.

-Any episode where Optimus shows up in Rescue Bots usually has some gems of cuteness/silliness. The Elvis line still takes me out, LMAO. "You're bigger than Elvis!" "I have not met this Elvis, and I am unaware of his size." 10/10 writing, I fucking love Rescue Bots

-The bots constantly call out a bunch of details that are entirely appropriate for robots from space to notice and recognise as somewhat weird, whereas a lot of the human characters are so used to 1) being human and 2) living on this incredibly weird little technologically advanced island that nothing really phases them anymore. So we can actually identify more with the bots at time, despite the fact that they are also providing an outsider point of view, which is really clever! :)

-The theme song is a fucking banger. It's so good. I love this song so much. I wish we got a full version of it, but this is the best extended version of it that I've been able to find. Enjoy!!!

-There's a lot of fairly adult stuff in the show, more than I think people realise! The tone can never get too dark outright as it is intended for young kids as the primary demographic, but there's a lot of situations, conversations, etc. that are genuinely engaging and interesting from an adult perspective, which is a large part of what makes it a great watch for all ages.

Some situational examples include scenarios where children are imperilled in natural disasters, accidents, even kidnapping at one point.

Non-kid related situations include risks and threat to civilians from AI development and the dangers that uncontrolled or poorly thought out technology can cause or exacerbate, which is significant in context and also interesting to think about given our current relationship IRL with rapid tech development and concerns around how that technology is being made and applied, either in reality or in theory.

Some dialogue examples include scenes where the bots mention their grief over being unable to save Cybertron, a sense of guilt that they were in stasis for so long even though this was beyond their control, awareness that they may be the last Rescue Bots team in operation on Earth or anywhere else in the universe (a sense of loneliness and a responsibility as the last upholders of their specific creed), struggles with their sense of duty and concerns around their ability to fulfil their expectations for themselves and meet the expectations of others while rising to the demands of their unique situation, and so on.

--

this is already pretty long lmao, there's a ton of stuff I really like about Rescue Bots, but I hope this might encourage others to check out the show if you haven't before, it's well worth a watch! :)

[gffa]

Dearest gffa, you are the only person I know whose been reading Batfamily comics. (Though I do read some of the fanfic haha). The destiel meme informed me that Bad Things just happened in the latest comics. Is there a primer to the latest drama? (Everyone seems upset). Are you ok?

Best wishes, your fandom neighbor on Star Wars Street

I assume this is about the Batman #148 leaks? I haven't seen a ton of drama (other than a couple of posts, including the Destiel meme notification that got me to go see what was happening) but if that's it, it's kind of funny, because okay. As far as I've seen (the issue isn't even out yet, so I can't read it until tomorrow, I'm only going on the leaked panels I've seen) what happens in the issue is that Failsafe-- okay, let me back up. In the current Batman run (written by Chip Zdarsky), awhile back Bruce created a super powerful robot that was meant to be activated in the case of him going rogue so that it could take him down, and it's very coldly logical, based on his patterns, so it knows him extremely well and is hard to beat. It's powerful enough that it apparently took out the Justice League awhile back (I haven't read that arc yet, so take that with a grain of salt), which means now that Failsafe has gone rogue in the current Batman series that Zdarsky's writing, Bruce is having a hell of a time fighting it, especially with his "backup personality" Zur-En-Arrh (Bruce is a paranoid shit and I love him the most) is also running amok in his head and he's fighting back against that. Back up further--in late 2023, there was an event called "Gotham War" that was basically, "Bruce has been through a lot of shit lately, so he was out of commission for several months, in that time Selina stepped up in Gotham and started training crooks to be cat burglars instead of rogues' goons, Bruce woke up, thought this was bullshit, despite that crime was down, and they basically had a turf war while Bruce was losing his goddamned mind because of what he'd been through and because Zur-En-Arrh was literally ratting the bars of the cage of his mind, and part of the fallout being that Bruce dosed Jason with a gas that basically made his adrenaline go wild any time he would do anything dangerous, so that he could no longer be in this life of crime or vigilantism, because Jason had killed a lot of people, but Bruce couldn't bear to send him to jail, so this was the only way he could live with taking Jason out of the life they lived". Gotham War was extremely controversial--I had fun with it, because it was BONKERS and I fuckin' love bonkers stuff in the "punching people in the face solves crime" genre, but a lot of people were really angry about how Jason was treated in the arc. Zdarsky co-wrote Gotham War, so this is a continuation of a lot of people's frustration and anger towards how Jason has been treated by DC especially by this author.

There's also a lot of lingering frustration and resentment in fandom because Jason is not always written well or frequently. He doesn't have his own solo book these days, half of what's written about him is written by authors with VASTLY different takes from the other half of the writers out there, and there's a lot of fanon that goes around with Jason's sub-section of fandom where I think it furthers the divide because the fic that's written about Jason delves deep into his character in specific ways that the canon doesn't match and I think it can set expectations for some fans that are just not matched by DC themselves, either because they see Jason differently or because Jason just doesn't have a lot of fans at the company itself, I couldn't say for sure. So, now comes Batman #148 leaks (it's not actually out until tomorrow), where Failsafe kills Jason and Bruce has a dramatic reaction to it, and a lot of people are furious that DC would kill Jason at all, much less with such little fanfare, after how little focus he's gotten over the last several years. The thing is, though, that Jason doesn't stay dead, he's alive again by the end of the issue (I've seen panels from later in the issue) and I'm not sure how many people are reacting just to seeing the posts flying around fandom versus how many people have actually seen the whole context. Because context is slowly rolling out, but people generally aren't soothed by that, given the lead-up to this moment. Basically, years of Jason not getting much focus in the comics + the events of Gotham War have led to a powderkeg of a situation and the contextless leaks (ie, without the panel where Jason's alive again) took a match to the whole thing. And that's what's going on, as far as I know! I personally am having a great time because I was extremely skeptical that they would actually kill Jason without any fanfare and also I like Jason as a hot mess with crunchy relationships with people and that he's done bad things and had bad things done to him/been a victim as well, so all this messy drama in the story has me living for it. (This would have been a very different situation if I'd thought Jason was really dead, but I didn't, so I'm doing fine right now. Also, my Blorbo is Dick Grayson, so I've already been through this wringer and I'm still mad at DiDio for it, so it's Jason-Blorbo's time now.)

[aalghul]

Idk if youve answered this before sorry if you have lol but what is your stance on jason and romance/romantic partners hes paired with? personally im an aroace jason truther and im not fond of most romantic ships he gets roped into but outside of personal hcs its mostly how his romantic relationships are written that makes me so critical of them. rosejay writing imo can be something SO heinous it makes me upset for them as characters

i actually don’t like any of jason’s canon relationships except for rena to be honest (they were adorable). all of his other canon relationships fall...very flat. jason's fast to care about people, but that's true for all people, not just those he might be romantically interested in. so far, no canon relationship has done anything to earn my interest in him and the other character being lovers as opposed to friends. none of the writers have ever quite managed to justify to me why certain characters become love interests.

isabel, for example, could have been a fun character she quite literally only exists as a love interest. and jason's interest stemmed in her from...she's pretty? i suppose? i was biased against this pairing from the start because the idea that jason could start a relationship on that casual a premise makes me laugh, personally. i think he needs time to realize he loves people, sorry. he can be charming and like people instantly, but he's also not normal enough to attempt at casual relationships so that's meaningless when it comes to romance.

it's a different problem with artemis because her and jason do get to know each other before anything romantic happens...but the lead up could not have lacked in chemistry more severely than it did. it felt like they got together because boy and girl who are really close.

jayrose is one of my least hated canon jason ships and it has nothing to do with how they're written, i just appreciate them being on panel together sometimes (and other times i can't even appreciate that lol). but again, this goes back to: why a love interest and not a friend? what about this relationship justifies that dynamic? what about it is more compelling if it is a romantic relationship rather than a friendship? because they have done nothing to convince me. i don't care if they've been married or if they kiss on panel. what does a romantic relationship with each other do for either of these characters? because so far, it hasn't made them grow or challenged them in any way that's fair to their characters.

[thebigbiwolf]

Starvin', Darlin' - Chapter 1

Pairing: Not quite friends to lovers Astarion x OC/F!Tav

Chapter Summary: Astarion knows his power is waning, and seducing their leader Evelyn has gone poorly at best. If he is to keep himself in the tiefling's good graces, he's left with no other options. He must drink from a thinking creature.

Everything goes according to plan... until it doesn't.

Fic Tags: Minor spoilers for Act 1, The Bite Scene, Emotional slow burn, Angst, Teasing, Frottage (god I'm sorry), Pining, This is my first ever fic so idk how to tag things appropriately but you get the gist.

Fic Warnings: Eventual Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI), Language, Canon-Typical Violence, Dubcon (I cannot stress this enough), Bloodlust/Loss of control, Mentions of blood, lmk if you need anything else tagged.

Word Count: 6.1k

Read on Ao3: Here

A/N: I started this as a way to get this fruity fuck out of my head but I think I just made the situation worse. If you know me, no you don't. If you've followed me for a long time, sorry in advance. I may make this a mini-series depending on time and reception, but we'll see! OC is a rogue who seduces men to gain their favor but we'll get to that in later chapters.

Astarion's trance did not come easily that night; his hunger manifesting as a throbbing headache that refused to subside. It had been hours of tossing and turning in his tent, willing his body to settle, forcing himself to ruminate on the past few weeks.

Before he joined this disgustingly merry little group of adventurers, hunting rabbits and the occasional boar had been enough to sustain him. In fact, dining on larger animals had been a significant upgrade from the meager flies and rats he’d become so accustomed to under his master’s rule, but that was before all of this incessant hard labor. 

He could feel his strength waning over the last several days. His senses were dulling, his reflexes numbed. Just this morning, he had failed to gain the upper hand with a particularly nasty kobold. He paid for it dearly when the damned thing all but pummeled him into the ground. 

Luckily, Lae’zel had been there, hammer at the ready to divorce its jaw from its head. Beautifully done, by the way, but his blunder did not go unnoticed. All this sneaking around for barely a nibble during his watch was beginning to take its toll.

Astarion knew he was on thin ice, considering his relationship with their fearless, incomparable leader began with him pulling a knife on her and grappling her to the ground -  in front of the damn wizard, no less. Some friction was to be expected.

But things hadn’t progressed much between the two of them since then. The pair rarely saw eye to eye on anything, and she seemed to have an innate passion for berating him over his unwillingness to stop for every single injured bird or helpless child as they traveled - as if playing the part of a hero was a favorable distraction from the literal time bomb in both their party and their heads. 

“The world is full of potential allies, Astarion,” she had told him, sprinkled with a hint of her usual irritation. “I’m simply expanding our network.” As if a group of starving refugees and mud-slinging tree huggers were going to find them a decent healer any sooner. At this point, he’d heavily considered taking his chances with the goblins. At least they knew how to have fun.

What made matters even more frustrating was that Evelyn was seemingly unaffected by his charms.

Just how exactly was he supposed to secure his place under her protection when the woman barely spared him a second glance? Surely he wasn’t losing his touch. He was a master of seduction. Thousands of others had thrown themselves at his feet for far less effort. He’s had centuries of practice. The mere notion would be ridiculous.

In fact, he couldn’t remember a single moment in the last two hundred years where his advances had been so callously brushed off. Every attempt to make her laugh with his (admittedly morbid) quips was met with her chastising him for being insensitive and making threats to send him back to camp. She dismissed every flirtation, even if her lovely little blush betrayed her. She seemed determined to make him play her little game. He just hasn’t quite figured out what the rules are, yet.

Astarion couldn’t afford to take any more chances. If sleeping his way into her good graces wasn't an option, he was left with little choice. He wanted to make himself indispensable, so he was going to have to take drastic measures to ensure that his strength and physical prowess would never come into question. At least, not again.

He would have to drink from a thinking creature.

The idea of it was as invigorating as it was terrifying. He had spent the last two centuries enduring unimaginable cruelty, starved in ways mortals couldn’t begin to imagine--for years--without any reprieve. 

No, starving doesn’t even scratch the surface. No words could ever describe the tortuous, gnawing, ravenous hunger that consumed his every waking moment under the heavy weight of Cazador’s boot.

Though, Cazador wasn’t here now, was he? 

Curious.

Astarion had spent some time ruminating on who to approach before settling on Evelyn, though his options were limited at best. The githyanki was entirely out of the question; gods forbid he get caught, she would make quick work of him without allowing him so much as a single word of explanation. Shadowheart was…tempting, but that mark on her hand frequently caused her pain, and who knows if that magic would have any affect on him or worse, her taste? And Gale, well, he would rather subsist on a diet of garlic sprinkled with holy water before he put his lips anywhere near that man.

So, Evelyn it was. The tiefling wasn't terrible to look at. She was a younger woman full of vitality, so surely she wouldn’t miss a bit of her blood. He would just have to mind the horns. 

He would be in and out. A quick nibble, then he'd be right as rain. One bite, he tells himself, barely enough to leave a mark. Then, he’ll pass it off and say that they had been attacked by bats during his watch and, not wanting to wake everyone, he quietly dispatched them and saved the day. Unfortunately, not before one of those wretched little beasts managed to puncture their illustrious hero. It was the perfect plan. Infallible. They'll eat it right up.

He continues passing through camp undetected, catlike in his silence, but when he reaches the canvas entrance of her tent ready to pounce, he freezes at the sight of her.

She looked…different while she slept. Softer, gentler, almost; surrounded by a nest of fur blankets, snoozing away instead of attacking his ego. Her hair was puddled beneath her head and horns like dark, red wine; rich and unrestrained by her usual loose bun. 

Another realization hits him: this is the first time Astarion has ever seen her in her sleep clothes, a simple basic black wrapping across her breasts. Practical. Of course.

Her skin is pale enough to rival his own, even with the warmth of the firelight. She’s lying on her side, her uncovered shoulder lightly dusted in freckles, much like her cheeks. Her lips are slightly parted, and in the silence of the night air, he can hear her light, even breaths.

Cute, he thinks to himself. He could almost forgive her for being so maddeningly aloof with a face like that. Almost. 

Astarion leans over to brush her hair away from her neck; the strands softer than he had anticipated. The thrum of her pulse underneath is magnetic. It pulls at his very being, beckoning him closer.

Settling on his knees beside her, his arms form a cage around her body.

He takes in the image of her form one last time and allows himself a moment to savor it. She is toned and lithe, much like himself, but smaller. Perfect. Delectable. 

He bends closer, feeling her gentle puffs of breath on his shoulder; the warmth of her body. His ears ring with anticipation; manicured nails clench the sheets by her head.

She’s going to be so-

Something brushes his leg, hidden beneath the furs.

Her tail. He forgot about her bloody tail.

Evelyn stirs, and fully awakens right as his teeth are at her throat, eyes meeting his. 

Shit.

“Shit.”

With incredible speed, she reflexively reaches for the dagger closest to her pillow, lunging at him. He just barely seizes her arm in time to save himself from being skewered.

“What in the hells are you-” he clasps his palm over her mouth to silence her.

The girl’s eyes are wild with panic, their golden hues burning a hole in his skull. He notices them flit down to where his body hovers over hers before she begins to struggle against him. “No, no, shh,” he whispers. “It’s not what it looks like, I swear.” 

Her expression shifts from panicked to confused. She ceases her squirming. Good. Well, not good, but better. He can work with this.

“When I take my hand away, you have to promise not to scream and wake the whole camp,” he continues, hushed, “unless you’d like for them to find us tangled up in your bedroll. You wouldn’t want to give them the wrong impression now, would you, darling?”

Her eyes widen. Her face flushes deep red, warming his palm against her skin.

There, he thinks, that should-

Her body turns, and suddenly he feels the hard edge of Evelyn’s knee make contact with the corner of his ribs. A direct hit. Pain shoots up his chest as he rolls off of her and onto his side, clutching himself and coughing, heaving air back into his lungs.

She hurriedly covers herself with her sheets, glaring at him as he struggles to collect his breath. He can see her fuming through the tears forming in the corner of his vision. If looks could kill, he’s sure she would have him skinned alive. Maybe use what's left of him to scare away the crows. 

She’s still holding the knife out toward him.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? What do you think you’re doing in here?” 

A fair question, one he was not prepared to answer. Perfect. He’s just going to have to wing this. Possibly with two broken ribs. He can’t believe he expected this to go any smoother.

“I-I wasn’t going to hurt you.” He raises a hand and falls back on his thighs with a grunt, grimacing in pain. His other clutches his side, a bit of sweat forming at his brow. “I just…” 

Okay, this is it. He’s got this.

“I just needed, well,” 

Aaaaand,

“Blood.”

There. Excellent form, Astarion. Good show.

“I - You needed what?”

She blinks at him, whether in disbelief or shock, he cannot say.

It takes a moment before his words start to sink in. She takes that time to scan over his body, purposefully. 

He couldn’t quite tell if she was looking for something or if she was deciding whether or not to believe him, but then again, what other explanation could he give? 

He works over his options in his head, considering just how difficult it would be to pass this all off as a terrible joke, but just as he’s about to open his mouth to start on damage control, he hears Evelyn heave a deep sigh. She lowers her weapon, then tosses it to the side, massaging her eyes in frustration. 

Oh. Well, alright.

After some time, he watches her expression soften into understanding as a few notable things dawn on her. He’s never really eaten any meals with them, has he? Then there was the drained boar, which he so carelessly left out by the road.  The damned beast hadn’t even taken the edge off that night, and he was so desperate to quell the nagging ache in his stomach that it lay there forgotten until she found it the next morning. He admitted to her himself that it had been drained by a vampire, after all…

A bit of silence follows.

Astarion doesn’t say a word, doesn’t dare move a muscle. He just allows her the time to process whatever she’s feeling. What’s important is that he’s still alive, she hasn't run him out of camp, and she hasn’t screamed for help. 

He may be able to salvage this, yet.

She scratches the back of her head, carding her fingers through her hair to ease her irritation before finally meeting his gaze.

“Astarion.” The sound of his name leaving her lips pulls him from his thoughts. He can see the disappointment on her soft features just as plainly as he can feel it humming through their psionic link. 

He didn’t think himself capable of guilt, but there was an emotion akin to it brewing within his chest. Ugh. He breaks eye contact, searching for anything to pull his attention away from his discomfort. The miscellaneous bags of clothing and trinkets she had scattered about her tent were just oh so fascinating. And was that a new hairbrush? Hm. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

He’s taken aback by her question. He expected a more offensive reaction. A few insults, maybe ones pertaining to his sharp teeth or bloodlust, but an olive branch?

After all the lies, the invasion of privacy, and the failed attempt at assault?

She really is just full of surprises.

“Well, we aren’t exactly close, you and I. Though, you must admit, I’ve made several attempts to…” He waves a hand between them for emphasis, “mend the gap, so to speak.”

“Well, have you ever considered maybe not being such an asshole?”

Ouch.

But in fairness, no.

“I…” He thinks carefully about what to say next. The buzzing behind his eye socket acts as a threat, reminding him of the very fragile barrier between their minds. Should she choose to dig her claws in and pry the information out of him, she may find more than he's comfortable sharing, so Astarion makes a decision that surprises even himself. 

He chooses to be genuine.

“At best, I was sure you’d say no. More likely, you’d ram a stake through my ribs.” He gestures towards the dagger at her side. “But believe me, I’m not some monster. I’ve never killed another person.”

Evelyn raises an eyebrow at him. 

“Well, not for food,” he quickly corrects. “I’ve been subsisting on animals. Boars—like the one you found the other day—deer, kobolds, whatever I can get my hands on.”

“And what exactly was the plan here? You were just going to kill me and expect the others not to notice?” 

He recoils at the accusation but fights to keep his expression neutral. “I had no intention of killing you. I would never do such a thing.” He leans in closer to her and lowers his voice, as if letting her in on a secret. “We need each other.” 

Evelyn shifts to lean her weight on her arm as she listens, dark hair falling to the side of her shoulder. With the new level of exposure, he can hear her pulse settling into a more comfortable rhythm. 

He swallows. Hard. His hunger is rearing its ugly head again, just at the sound of her.

Oh well, might as well lay all the cards out on the table while we’re at it.

He takes a deep breath, steeling himself, and continues, “As it stands right now, I’m too slow. Too weak. If I just had a little blood, I could think clearer. Fight better.” There is a question hidden in his words, a favor to be asked.

She seems pensive as she considers him, mulling over everything he’s said in her mind. She lifts a thumb to her mouth and starts nibbling on her nail, no longer looking at him. Nervous too, no doubt. How could she not be with what he’s asking of her, as if he had any right to ask in the first place? 

“I understand you detest me, but-”

Evelyn appears to snap to some conclusion, sitting up straighter and placing her arms to her sides before she responds.

“No, I should detest you, Astarion, but I don’t. You just don’t impress me.”

Wow.

It feels as though he’s been slapped. He barks out a laugh that’s a bit too loud for the intimate setting, trying to mitigate the damage to his ego. “Excuse me?”

She has the nerve to shrug at him. “I’ve seen every trick you’ve used to fill your little black book, probably a thousand items over. I’ve used them all myself. So, frankly, I'm uninspired.”

For the first time in his undead life, he’s totally speechless. His face contorts in indignation, disbelief. This devil.

There is something dangerous in her expression as she leans further forward, neck tilted, exposing herself to him. Her eyes are hooded, with long lashes casting shadows over her cheeks. Her shoulders relax as she lifts her chin to stare down her nose at him, sneering. 

He works his jaw, clenching the muscles unconsciously.

“Astarion, men are idiots. I’ve spent my entire adult life toying with them and robbing them blind. I’ve heard and seen it all. You really believed a few empty praises and mediocre jokes would have me jumping into bed with you? 

Wha- Mediocre?

He opens his mouth with every intention of retaliating, but Evelyn’s palm unexpectedly rests itself on his calf, and the action stuns him into silence. She begins leisurely dragging her nails up towards his thigh. 

His body responds involuntarily; eagerly, frustratingly, the delicate little motion leaving his skin prickling with excitement. 

She regards his chest, admiring the hard planes of muscle. Then, her attention slowly inches down the toned curve of his abs until, finally, they stop at where his cock hardens disobediently beneath his pants.

“Your pretty face doesn’t detract from the fact that you’re still just a man.”

It finally clicks.

She’s baiting him, attempting to get a rise out of him. 

Hm. Impressive.

Normally, at this point in her little game, he assumes most men would take her flirtations at face value. They would likely mistake this performance as an enthusiastic plea to bed her, but Astarion is not like most men. He sees her little game for what it is and recognizes it with ease because he has spent lifetimes playing it himself.

She leans back, satisfied with her little show, and smirks at him.

“So, you admit I have a pretty face?” He teases, his own smile twisting, becoming more mischievous.

She rolls her eyes, but this time she laughs. It’s a soft sound, genuine.

A pinkish hue crawls up her face and paints the tips of her pointed ears, but he can’t discern if that's supposed to be part of the act or, more likely, an unfortunate side-effect of the living experience. He’s finding it hard not to admire her dedication, regardless. 

Well, that’s quite enough of that. Back to business, then.

“It’s settled,” Astarion clasps his hands together, “I’ll just need to impress you with my more eclectic talents if I am to earn your favor. We can start by gracefully slaughtering a few goblins, depending on how the rest of tonight goes. Which is entirely up to you, of course.”

The tiefling squints at him. “Oh no, if you want something from me, darling, you’re going to have to ask politely. With manners. You have those, don’t you? Familiar with them, at least?”

Under normal circumstances, he would find this amusing; nothing like a little role reversal to spice up the evening. But this feels different, heavier, as if her feigning indifference will alleviate the weight of what he's asking of her.

Fine. He supposes relinquishing a little bit of his pride is a fair price to pay.

He takes a deep breath. "Please." 

"Please, what?" She lifts an eyebrow at him expectantly. "Come on, Astarion. Use your words. I know you’re quite fond of them."

He scoffs at her shamelessness, and for a moment, he honestly considers whether this is worth it, but he can't back out now. He'll make it through this, surely. He's been through worse. 

Through gritted teeth, he barely spits out, "Please, may I drink from you?" 

Gods. He's going to be sick.

"Good boy. That wasn't so hard, was it?" 

He’s going to fucking kill her.

There is an uncomfortable silence that follows. So many unspoken questions and a rising suspense that makes Evelyn adjust herself uncomfortably where she sits. Astarion is also musing to himself, still wondering how it's all come to this. Why did he choose her, again? Something about her not killing him right away? Death may have been preferable to this, actually, but he is pulled back to reality when she finally speaks up.

“So," she's picking lint off one of her pillows, avoiding his gaze as she asks, "how exactly should we do this?”

Well, it occurs to him that he doesn’t actually know. He understands the mechanics behind it, of course, but how exactly were they supposed to go about this?

Should he tell her that he’s never actually fed from a person before? Would it make her more or less comfortable to know that he’s just as clueless about this as she is? 

No. He decides against it. Astarion has always done best when he’s playing the role of the confident seductor. This should be no different. He’ll just treat this as if he’s bedding a virgin: guide her, take things slow, and she’ll no doubt be begging him for more soon enough. It’ll be easy. All she has to do is behave.

“Lie back and get comfortable.”

He moves himself closer to her, settling at her side as she does what she’s told. The flap of the tent remains open, letting in the faintest amount of warmth and illuminating Evelyn’s features. With such close proximity, he can see the gold flames within her irises flickering and dancing, a genetic trait attributed to some luckier members of her race, and a feature of her’s that Astarion would have never otherwise noticed. 

He can hear her pulse quickening as he closes the space between them, lifting himself a bit to settle above her, once again caging her between his arms. One of his knees parts her legs, and he can tell in the quietness of her tent that she’s struggling to hide her uneven breaths. Her stare is intense, but he can’t read the meaning behind it.

He decides to give her another out, just in case. Better safe than sorry. 

“We don't have to do this, you know,” his voice is composed, as if his body wasn't currently screaming with anticipation. “I appreciate the consideration, regardless.” 

“I’m fine.” Her response is clipped, dismissive. Her face remains stoic though her fingers fidget with the blankets at her sides. She had moved the furs to give him better access to her body. The darkness inside him preens at the concept.

Best get on with it, then.

He leans down and, unable to help himself, takes in the scent of her: woodsmoke and the faintest hint of vanilla, which he had watched her pick up from a merchant in the grove just the other day. “For Gale’s cooking,” she amended, when he gave her a questioning look.

He gives her one more moment to stop him.

She doesn’t.

A bit of pressure on the skin before it snaps and gives way, his fangs finally sinking into her. He can feel Evelyn’s body tense at the sudden intrusion. She hisses through gritted teeth, her arms involuntarily raising at her sides, reaching for him, but she stops herself before she touches him. He wants to tell her it's fine, expected, even, the need to ground herself, but all of his higher thoughts are plunged into complete chaos when he finally registers her taste. 

Every cell in his body awakens.

The iron flavor of her floods his throat and sets his nerves ablaze. Its heat fills, expands, and splits every crack in his self control into deep, cavernous fissures. 

A groan escapes Astarions throat before he has the chance to quell it. Of course it would be like this - drinking from a thinking creature. Drinking from her. He understands now why Cazador forbade this. Before, he had assumed it was a matter of keeping his spawn weak and compliant, but this was entirely different. This was far more than a method of control. The bastard had been withholding ecstasy greater than he’d ever known.

A feeling swells in him, crashing like waves through his veins. Warmth. It invades him and fills every fiber of his being. He wasn’t naive enough to believe his first time wouldn't have some sort of great, emotional impact, but this? 

This was everything. How was he ever supposed to come back from this?

"Agh - Astarion," he barely registers her pathetic little whine through the haze. She finally allows herself to grab onto him, the loose sleeve of his nightshirt tightening in her fist. For purchase, he tells himself with what little is left of his consciousness, practical. That is until he lowers himself fully onto her in an attempt to relieve the strain on his biceps.

With no space left between their bodies, he doesn’t anticipate the blazing heat of her core on his thigh, even through the several layers of clothing. She gasps at the sudden pressure,  fingers twitching, nails digging little crescent shapes into his skin. What surprises him most, though, is when the taste in his mouth melts into a flavor so much sweeter. 

Something primal within him recognizes it instantly; it twists in his gut and sits there heavily, as if the emotion were his own: arousal.

Oh.

She is burning for him.

Good.

After all of that teasing, the woman he’s spent weeks enduring endless lectures from actually does desire him, or at the very least desires his body. Which is just as favorable, in his opinion. It’s just nice to know all his hard work hasn’t gone to waste. 

If she lets him live, he's going to spend every waking moment tormenting her over this. His lips vibrate against her skin as he chuckles to himself, causing some of her blood to run down his chin in hot rivulets, blooming new stains onto her sheets. 

He knows he’s had enough. He means to let go, he truly does, lest he end up draining their groups' only hope of survival. Surely that wouldn't go over well with their companions. Pitchforks, and all that. 

But her whimpering, her heat, coupled with the ferocity of his hunger, all provoke a feeling that has been building beneath the surface which he’s unable to name; it's desperate and possessive, a predator guarding its kill from hungry scavengers. The monster in him casts a dark shadow over his mind as he feeds. His body no longer feels as though it is his own, betraying him; a slave to the demands of his appetite. 

He needs her, needs all of her, and he cannot will himself to stop, too lost in sensation and the sound of her mewling to bow to his higher thinking. 

He mindlessly rocks his weight into her and grunts—a slow, unintentional grind against her mound. The motion comes easy to him, like breathing - instinctual. The blunt edge of his clothed cock drags deliciously through her parted thighs. Evelyn’s breath hitches at the feeling, her squirming beneath him giving him the sickest form of satisfaction, but the animal within him demands her compliance.

His hand gathers her loose hair and pulls, growling, warning her to keep still. She whines at the force, back arching. The other grabs her arm, pinning it down, and tightens, thumb gently stroking against her wrist.

"Astarion,"

She’s no doubt making a mess in her smallclothes as she quivers beneath him, all flushed cheeks and furrowed brows. She may deny it later, but her taste tells him everything he needs to know.

Her body is burning against his cool skin, and her gasps are only spurring him on. He laps at the wound, dragging his tongue up the length of her throat, indulging himself in her. It's too much. 

He feels her pulse weakening, her rhythm slowing.

It isn't enough. 

He's about to latch on to her again, teeth at the ready and blinded by his eagerness, when he suddenly feels a piercing sensation behind his eye - the tadpole, he assumes, writhing in panic. Screeching at him to open himself to it. The discomfort is just enough to pull him back into his body. Then Evelyn's voice invades his mind. 

‘Astarion, enough!’

He disentangles his limbs from hers, practically jumping off of the poor woman. He’s gasping for breath as he comes to his senses, the mix of her blood and his saliva staining his lips pink. It dribbles down his chin. He wipes his face with the back of his knuckles and licks them clean.

But then, the cold realization of what he’s done is thrust upon him like a bucket of iced water, shocking him back to the present. He’s going to need to come up with one hell of an apology to get himself out of this one. Or maybe he should just run? Baldur’s Gate is really only a few weeks travel at most. 

“Shit,” he whispers, more to himself than to her. "Are you alright, dear?"

Evelyn's eyes meet his. Her pupils are blown, almost entirely overtaking the gold of her irises when she glances away from him to assess the damage.

"Gods damn it," she quietly groans and applies pressure to the wound, thankfully finding that it isn't too deep or particularly painful. She tends to it, wiping the thin sheen of sweat from her brow. She searches for a rag as she avoids his concerned stare

A deep purple bruise spreads across her pale skin. Small red droplets trickle down the length of her nape, dampening her black breast band before soaking into it and disappearing entirely. He collects himself, willing his mind to cease its incessant urge to lick the damned liquid from her neck. She is flushed and sweating, unbalanced, panting from exertion as much as her own embarrassment. Her dark hair is a tangled mess from his attention. She looks ravaged. 

It… suits her.

Astarion clears his throat, trying his best not to get caught admiring his handiwork.

She was right about one thing. He was, at least in some respects, just a man... 

“Here,” he insists, grabbing one of the smaller furs and holding it up to her. She takes it from him without acknowledgement.

“I -” He begins, but he’s at a loss for words. What does one say in this situation? ‘My sincerest apologies. I don’t know what came over me! I must have gotten swept up in the moment!’ as if that pitiful excuse would overshadow the fact that he manhandled and almost devoured her.

He wants to laugh, but the sound dies in his throat.

He begins to worry that she really may not forgive him. He fears she'll wake the whole camp, or maybe finally cast him out like the monster he is. He wouldn't blame her. She took a great leap of faith in trusting him with this, and he rutted against her like some horny bugbear. Or worse, a teenager, he sneers.

Evelyn pulls the rabbit skin away from her neck, examining it. The brown hairs are matted and crimson, but the bleeding has stopped. She runs her fingers over the puncture marks, feeling the skin dip slightly where his fangs pierced her. She sighs with resignation, surely thinking about how the others will approach her with a plethora of questions tomorrow morning, face reddening at the idea.

“You could have warned me, you know.” She rolls her eyes at him. “I didn’t realize I was agreeing to…all of that.” 

His heart sinks. 

Of course she thinks it was on purpose. I mean, look at him. He’s all but thrown himself at her since the moment they met. He’s spent this entire time playing the part of the rake. It's only natural she assumes the worst.

“Evelyn, darling,” speaking her name aloud brings her focus back onto him. 

The gravity of it is suffocating, condensing the already small space they shared. The tension pulls at something undefinable within him that he thought was long dead—a sincerity that betrays the character he’s been crafting for as long as he can remember. 

It sways him.

More truths to forgive more transgressions, then. A fair transaction.

“I’ve had this condition for over two centuries, but, truth be told,” he clears his throat again, because ugh this is awful. And why does she have to stare at him like that, with her earnest, wet eyes? “You were my first. I’ve only ever fed on beasts.” 

The implication is there: how could he have known?

His confession takes her by surprise. “You don’t…” she pauses, taking everything that transpired tonight into consideration. He must be giving her a look akin to pleading, because she takes mercy on him and disregards whatever question she was about to ask. 

“Please tell me you didn’t do that to the boar.”

Seriously, a joke?

He barks out a laugh before he can stifle it. Whether it's from the sheer ridiculousness of the question or the disbelief towards her acceptance of it all, he truly doesn’t know.

“No, my dear. Just you, and you were delectable.”

Her expression is difficult to read. She’s not looking at him; refuses to, when she replies, “So then, did it work?”

Astarion moves to stand, peering down at her form. He exhales in relief, feeling as though he is a century younger. His muscles are lax; all the stress has been drained from his body. A novel experience. “Yes, I would say so. I feel stronger. My mind is clear. I feel…happy.”

He adds the last word in an effort to appease her, but it does ring true. His main source of joy since he contracted this affliction has been causing others pain, ripping out throats and such. This feels distinctly different, less exhilarating, but pleasant all the same.

“Well, I look forward to seeing you fight.” 

He acknowledges her, then stretches his back out, extending his arms to the sky with his hands clasping behind his head. The motion pulls the rest of his nightshirt out of his trousers and tugs it upward, exposing the hard edges of his hips. He can’t confirm it, but he swears he sees her eyes flit quickly towards them before making an expeditious retreat.

“Shouldn’t take long. So many people need killing.” He lifts the flap of her tent to peek outside. No sign of anyone stirring, and the night is still young. Knowing the wildlife in this area, he may still have a chance to sate himself. With his newfound strength, he may even be able to wrangle up a bear. What a feast that would make.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, you’re invigorating, but I need something more filling.” He bows his head to her in thanks. 

He’s about to step outside, one foot exits the canvas before the rest of him, when it hits him that he feels…odd, uncomfortable leaving her like this. He can’t place his finger on why. He’s ridden atop many women and left without saying a word.

But, he supposes this is dissimilar.

Evelyn listened to him tonight, heard him out when anyone else would have carved him into pieces without second thought. She let him drink from her, forgave him for getting…carried away. 

The most shocking part of it all is that regardless of her dismissiveness, he now undeniably knows that she’s attracted to him. Yet, she didn’t capitalize on the opportunity when it arose to take advantage of his altered state; of his needs. With that, she’s shown him more kindness in the last hour than he’s experienced in his entire undead life. 

He likely owes her for this, of course, but there are worse fates he could endure.

The elf looks over his shoulder at her and catches her watching him intently, as if she wants to continue this conversation but can’t quite figure out what she wants to say. The intensity of her gaze almost forces him to turn back towards her, drawn to her by an unfamiliar ache; a thrill in his spine, the compulsion pulling at his chest like some sort of spell.

“This is a gift, you know.” The words escape him, hanging in the air between them with raw authenticity. He means to make himself sound more frivolous, but before he can edit them in his head, more truth spills from his lips, “I won’t forget it.”

His throat tightens. He considers her for a moment, wondering what he might find if he does turn to meet her eyes.

But, Astarion resists.

She must be exhausted. He shouldn’t take up any more of her time.

He leaves before she can respond. There wasn’t anything left for them to discuss, and he’s desperate to break free from the uneasy weight of her presence.

The second he steps fully outside, he feels as though he can breathe again, not that he needs to, being undead and all. 

What a strange feeling, that was. 

One he decides he’d rather forget. Best to not burden himself too much with it.

The taste of her lingers on his teeth. He finds himself savoring it for a moment too long before stalking towards the forest, confident. Ready to hunt. 

[lemotmo]

Let's all spiral together!

Q. No title yet for Ep 2! Oh my god it's just sounding more and more likely and I am so afraid to believe it because they've teased it for literal years and we're still not there!

Q. They could still tease it and just not do it and say it's not queer baiting because they they gave us bi Buck.

Q. Why doesn't episode 2 have a title?! What do we think? 👀👀

A. I bunched these asks together because they're a good combination of what my ask box currently looks like, minus the questions I'm ignoring, and because I can answer all of this in one post. I'm going to tackle the queer bait question first. Yes the show gave us bi Buck so using Buck to tease a possible storyline would technically give them an out on the queer baiting accusation. But they aren't using Oliver/Buck for any of the teasing. They're using Ryan/Eddie. The entire off season promotion has been Ryan/Eddie centric. The early bts antics have been Ryan/mustache centric. They are playing it up. The one official filming post was Oliver/Ryan. Now technically they haven't outright said the words queer, gay or Buddie (though basically confirming they've tried to make Eddie canon queer for several seasons is as close as you can get. So they're already towing the line), but they have heavily insinuated them since the beginning of last season. Much more so than they ever have. Not doing it would 100% be queer baiting at this point. The show is out of leeway where this storyline is concerned. They aren't going to get a pass anymore from the audience or the media who cover the show, the media part of it has already begun. We started seeing legitimate articles pointing out the Buddie of it all during the off-season, and that continued yesterday with the two jurnos who wrote about the Buddie shift. The show is out of time. Anything else will be detrimental to them at this point because people will absolutely walk away. They're out of excuses. They're out of 'next season'.

Episode 2 not having a title, or not releasing the title yet either means the title is a spoiler of some kind, but unless it's called Buddie Begins it can't spoil too much, or it's an indication of it being a significant episode. I would imagine it's the second option. If someone whose memory is better than mine can confirm when we got the episode title for 7x4 I would appreciate it because I don't recall getting that title that far in advance either. I would imagine it's an Eddie begins again type episode. It's also probably the alternate reality episode, if that is indeed what they're doing. The 3rd episode being titled 'There's No Place Like Home' is also a pretty good indicator that the previous episode could be an alternate reality. I'm super curious about what they'll go with title wise. Will it be another play on words like 'Eddie, Exhausted and Escaping' or something else like 'Escape from Reality' which would be a nod to the Freddie Mercury Bohemian Rhapsody thing they've been playing with. The writers and director are Buddie people though that was immediately noticeable. Whatever good Buddie scene you can think of there's more than a good chance that that particular writer and director were involved. Everything is setting up.

Oh, I'm already down deep into the spiral Nonny. :)

I love all the content we're getting. This hiatus is so much more fun now. :)

Is Buddie queer baiting? In my eyes? Right now? No, not at all. But they do need to proceed with caution.

In fact, in the beginning of last season I would have said 'No, it's only ship baiting', because neither of them were out of the closet. But now that they've continued the same kind of promo for season 8, even though Buck is in a relationship with another man? The way they are consciously hyping up the Buddie of it all? The way they keep implying and playing into the fact that Eddie might not be as straight as he himself thought he was?

Yeah, they're not there yet, but they're definitely toeing that line and they need to be really careful with how they proceed.

I remember saying to someone last season, right before 7b started again, that the show had to either 'shit or get off the pot'. They could have done that in 7b. But now that moment has passed. There is no more getting off the pot. They need to... well, you catch my drift right? ;)

I'm so curious about that episode 2 title and the Wizard of Oz reference in episode 3. We all know how much Tim loves old classic movies.

So many questions, so few answers. The time is right to create some beautiful theories and speculate about those episodes. Fun times ahead!

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[sadhornydemons]

Rapid-Spoiler-Season-Speculation: Mastermind/Sinmas

Mastermind:

After a bout of angst filled episodes, I'm theorizing that this one might be the nice change of pace: fun, filler episode/calm before the storm.

Not to mention, a nice mixup of two villain groups.

The Cherubs mention they are waiting for I.M.P. to return to Earth, but the D.H.O.R.K.S. seem to have a portal to get to them faster?

Robot? Robot with a skull chest emblem? Well, if they already have a Loona Fursuit, I guess they could just be into making freaky shit now. Could they send it through the portal? In which case,

There's a massive battle going on in the Lust ring.

Blitz is missing from these scenes until this one where he appears to be at the Pride ring.

Where the crystal portal is finally shown, see previous example:

D.H.O.R.K.S. appear defeated (but still alive? Well, it's not like IMP kills humans for a living..oh, wait) and Blitz is grabbing the card off their desk.

End of screen captures/speculation for this one, but I feel like events have to be running gradually in the background of the last few episodes for the doo doo to really hit the fan in the last:

Sinmas:

First, let's talk voice actors. Harvey Guillén came in fairly recently, but has been confirmed to voice Vassago. Now, they can always work around voice work to be added later, but I'm really leaning towards his character not appearing until this last episode.

Jason LaShea voices Andrealphus, assuming this shot is from the finale:

I think it's likely that Andrealphus, being a minor character, only appears in one or two episodes. With that in mind, let's assume the following scenes, which share the same background images, also take place in Sinmas:

We see at least one Sin, confirmed members of the Ars Goetia, and several sporting crowns. Aka the higher ups & royalty of Hell. And Stolas is missing. Oh, but Andrealphus states he will summon him.

(Off topic, but does anyone in hell know/care that Stolas's ex wife tried to have him killed? Paparazzi mobbed his hospital when he was hurt, but no one followed up on that news story?)

Likely the same scene, "You are a disgrace." Unknown character states. Whom? Ozzie? Stolas? The demon who took the last blueberry muffin from the snack table?

"Where is Stolas, anyway?" Well, this is the only image of him that appears to be from the finale:

1) Is that a blessed weapon sword?) 2) Is that a Gabriella hair stripe or an 'I was frozen today!' Anna-inspired white stripe?)

Which matches up with this:

And either Stolas left the refrigerator open for 4 solid episodes resulting in his mansion freezing over or his in-laws are relatives of Elsa's and favor home renovations.

Okay, buckle up sluts, MASSIVE SPECULATION TIME:

What would cause Stolas to move out?

Or rather, what would force Stolas to move out?

Andrealphus wants his money and property, Stella just wants him dead, but she has to follow her brother's wishes. Andrealphus tells her, "I say we bid our time. And wait for the chance to gain the upper hand."

And they might had had it all along.

You know, I wanted to say that Blitz fully and unprompted, spelled out, in detailed terms, how he was using Stolas's item to gain access to the mortal world immediately upon meeting Striker, but in watching it again:

Striker seemed to already know? So, either, Stella knew and told him or he did his research (if the IMP commercial from the pilot is still canon, they basically broadcasted it). But Blitz does go a step further and literally job interviews the guy, likely giving him even more info in the process.

Stolas even states, more than once, that they're not suppose to be using the book and that it's 'less than legal' even in hell.

So far, Stella has only been attacking Stolas. Striker knows Octavia is Stolas's main weakness, but hearing all the 'Blitzy' mentions during torturing, maybe he'll relay that there's another way they can exploit him. After all, Stella just thinks of him as any interchangeable Imp.

Stolas stated before that he would not leave Octavia, so maybe this was the reason he returns to the palace? But not soon enough, considering...*

The voice over does not match the scene, but it is as follows:

"You never loved mother and you don't love me, you love HIM!"*

Back to the image, is Via a fast learner or does she have the Grimoire? During the Loo Loo Land flashback, Stolas, having studied the book for a decade at that point, still needed it to travel to other planets.

And IMP seemed to be using the crystal in the last episode..

And if that's not complicated enough, let's get back to the Hell High Council meeting,

It sounds like they're discussing Stolas, before Vassago asks, "Where is Stolas, anyway?" Before demanding that they summon him, "at once!" Fortunately, this parrot's suppose to be a good guy, since unfortunately it seems like Stolas is in real more trouble.

Is it the illegal spellbook loaning? The (still alive?) D.H.O.R.K.S. having him on film? Satan help him if someone also managed to record him twerking on stage at the Verosika Mayday show.

We'll have to wait and see, but Stolas appears to return to the mansion with Blitz afterwards.

< / End MASSIVE SPECULATION >

Well, that's what I came up with. We've got 6 more months to go, and as the episodes do FINALLY get aired things might become more clear.

[utilitycaster]

Hi! This might be a bit of a weird ask (and a rambly one - sorry!) but you're one of the most level-headed and rational fandom members I know and I might need you to slap some sense into me, so to speak, especially considering you've been vocally critical of Marisha's choices for Laudna before. Now I loved the episode and the inner-party conflict in this episode. It was so fun and investing and tbh I've never been as interested in Laudna as a character as during last episode (she just doesn't work for me on several levels) and I do think Marisha did a stellar job RP wise. But something grated against my nerves about how she said OOC that Laudna hasn't lied. Because Laudna has lied. By omission, deflection or otherwise. It cannot all be attributed to Delilah being the pushing force of that. And I feel weird about Marisha (afaik) not acknowledging that. If she said "Laudna feels like she hasn't lied" it would probably be different but the "I still maintain: Laudna hasn't lied. It wasn't Laudna." at the end of the episode after Laura calls Laudna out for the direct lie about the harness feels kinda trying-to-have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too in this regard. I know that Marisha can make decisions that I don't gel with and make characters that can get under my skin in specific ways (and I enjoy that about her!) but idk maybe I have difficulties putting my trust in her with this because I didn't like a lot of her choices for Laudna so far. Anyway. Maybe I just need to hear from you that I'm being stupid about this and that Marisha is going to handle this in a differentiated way. (also highly unrelated but to end on a more positive note I'm excited for you to catch up on fhjy!)

Hey anon! Thank you for all the kind words, and good news! On CR Cooldown Marisha does clarify she means this as "Laudna is not lying because, whether or not it is correct, this is what she believes". I'm going to talk more below, but hopefully that helps.

For what it's worth, I tend to not put a huge amount of emphasis on things the cast says OOC as compared to what's happening in game, for a number of reasons, and advise others do the same. I think it's really easy for those statements to become outdated or outright contradict the text (remember when people kept bringing up Laura on like, one of the first 4SD episodes saying Imogen tries not to read people's minds and it's like. ok but in canon, she does this ALL the time so this is a useless argument?), the cast is working off more information than we are slash might deliberately be hiding info from each other, and also anything said right after they break is often a really emotional statement that they, as Marisha did here, will immediately either clarify or recant after a few minutes to, well, cool down.

The lies of omission thing is also incredibly rich as a source of conflict here, particularly between Imogen and Laudna, which, as someone who's been very frustrated with a lack of conflict on that front, is very exciting. What happens when you have someone who, in classic warlock fashion, hews to the law of lying (I didn't say anything literally false!) and not the spirit (lying by omission that Delilah was the cause) and who also makes promises she's unable to keep; and she's in a relationship with someone who is exceptionally sensitive to lies by omission, lying in general, and kind of has trouble with people simply not revealing their true intentions? I think Laudna is so suggestible that she's a liability, and the party just found out, and that's the dangerous thing - if she were malicious and lying maybe they could pick it up and this would have an easy fix, but she really does believe it will be different this time and Delilah isn't misleading her for power (Delilah is 100% misleading her for power), and that makes it much more complicated. It's very juicy.

[hermajestytak]

Irken Ant Theory

How Wings Gave Us Paks

Note: This has NO basis in canon, PLEASE don't take this as fact! It's just a fun little "what if" headcanon thing

Also heads up for entomophobes: I use a singular IRL ant photo under the "read more"

Here's a fun ant fact for you all! While there are thousands of ant species out there, many of them develop wings when they're ready to mate and the females are ready to develop new colonies. That way, they can meet each other and travel far through the power of flight!

I've noted several times how ant-adjacent Irkens are in terms of social structure even if they physically resemble a cross between an insect and a humanoid reptilian

So like...I'm sure you know where I'm going with this...

Heyyyy wouldn't it be cool if prehistoric irkens also had wings? Specifically during their mating periods?

But in modern times, not only do their paks block their wing spots, but they're all just straight up born neutered. BUT nobody cares because HELLOOO jet packs are WAY cooler than flimsy little wings!

Look at that! Don't you want THIS instead of some stupid dainty insect wings that you get like once a year and then shed?

Hey hey wouldn't that be so awesome, wouldn't that be so cool if that's why they're called "paks" Because they were developed from jetpacks??

They're actually most likely named after backpacks, I'm just entertaining one possibility. Yet again, a backpack and a jetpack in one, I suppose that's the ultimate "pak"

And then they just kinda got overdeveloped to the point where they took over every irken's life and they became dependent on them? Quite literally? Like telephones -> smartphones for humans

Except irkens took it a step FURTHER and went "HEY it sure would be cool if we backed up our whole brains in here!"

"Hey hey, actually! What if...instead of backing up our brains, we replaced them with smarter AI brains!"

"It sure would be neat!! What could possibly go wrong? :)"

[lunar-years]

https://deadline.com/2024/08/ted-lasso-season-4-deal-near-brett-goldstein-hannah-waddingham-1236049653/ LOOK WHAT YOU DID /J

Article here

PHEW. Okay. I kind of cursed us I think? I’m sorry everyone. :(

now that i've had a few hours to soak this news in uhhhh. I have thoughts! As many of you know, I flip flop all the time on whether i actually *want* more Ted Lasso, but now that it's far closer to happening and we're hearing a bit more about what it might it entail, I'm unfortunately kind of landing firmly back in the "god no keep that away from me" camp. Reasons being:

The show kind of doomed itself when it made s3 because at the beginning of that season I would have SWORN there was going to be a s4, and by the end i was convinced there was absolutely never going to be a s4. They had sooooo many plots going on, and instead of doing the reasonable thing and adjusting the original vision of the show to expand the vast amount of story they'd ended up with for s3 into two enjoyable and well-paced seasons, they decided to instead squeeze it into one very mid, terribly paced season. so now s4 isn't going to make much sense because the show already HAD an ending (even if it was a subpar one)

why on EARTH couldn't they have decided to move ahead with this before everyone's contracts expired 😭 wtf wtf!!!!! this is an absolutely wretched cursed timeline. if i remember correctly everyone was under contract for 4 seasons up until May this year. and they're going to turn around and announce a s4 in AUGUST??? hello???

As the article mentioned, and expanding on point #2, it is quite likely several og cast regulars are no longer available or only available in a guest star capacity. this sucks. a show that's missing some of the characters is literally FARRRR worse to me then a show that was given an ending and is now over forever. boo. if you're not giving me back jamie tartt again like literally pack it up boys. why are we doing this.

the *only* cast member I could understand (and perhaps even endorse) being lowered from series regular to guest star capacity would be Jason, and that's mostly because I think it's very hard to rectify Ted being a part of the afc richmond / London scene again after they JUST concluded his series-long arc by having him return home very poignantly to his son in Kansas. Like...huh? He just changes his mind and goes back??? lmao*

*The article is under the impression Jason WILL be returning and whilst that confuses me i AM willing to give the show the benefit of the doubt on writing a creative, fun way of making that possible. I am willing to trust them and let them sell me on how Ted Lasso can continue on! but going back to point 3, it's unfortunately all irrelevant to me if other characters are missing. sorry but. no.

as much as i did/do love ted lasso for a vast number of characters, i am too emotionally attached to my favs to where i literally do not think i would enjoy the show anymore if any of them were missing. A roy and keeley plot without jamie visibly in their lives sucks 2 me. A roy plot without jamie OR keeley (because frankly i'm hesitant about the potential of juno returning either) also sucks 2 me. i love the characters together and considering where we left them in s3, it doesn't excite me at all to think about their futures without each other. i'm not asking for rjk to be canon, even, im just asking for them to all be like. IN IT. At the end of the day, the show I love, I love because they were in it.

based on the current specualations...if everyone is in it (with or without ted) i will be tuned in but i feel nervous about it. if phil's really not returning like certain reports are saying, i'm not watching. BUT i will follow along via post episode tumblr gif sets where i can see any of the fun lighthearted roy stuff and keeley stuff and team stuff and ignore the rest of whatever the fucks happening. i will peacefully continue to live on (and contribute to) Ted Lasso Ao3 island.