#this is literally my therian blog I said ONE THING LOL

[snarlingteeth]

Yk by making hate posts youre breaking clown's boundaries about harassment. Have a nice day.

Me : people who break boundaries fuck off (no mentioning specific people, no tagging people, just overall saying people who do that should fuck off)

Bitches who break boundaries : HARASSMENT

Me : girl what

[radiocmyk]

“It’s obviously valid to be bugkin but you also can’t just expect people to get over it when they have a genuine fear!”

I’m afraid of dogs.

Dogs put me extremely on edge. I avoid them while outside and if one’s in a room with me I’ll try to leave or else start to panic. Especially medium-sized and larger breeds. Mere images of dogs may not give me a panic attack, I will admit that, it's not a phobia. But if you want to talk hypocrisy, if you're opening up that discussion:

Hey dog therians, dog otherhearted folks and clinical cynanthropes, what if everywhere you went, the unspoken attitude of the alterhuman community was—

Don’t post dog photos or talk about being a dog in the main alterhuman tags. Don’t talk about your shifts, your instincts, or your kind in the main tags. If you’re a CZ, don’t talk so openly about your biological reality. It’s extremely triggering for people with cynophobia. The idea of physically being or becoming a dog grosses them out to briefly think about, so try not to discuss your literal existence. If you must, at least trigger tag yourself with #tw dogs or #tw dog mention so people can stay safe by censoring things that will hurt their mental health. It’s okay if you’re dogkin but in my DNI I'm going to write something like, don’t follow me if your blog hosts too many graphic close-up images of dogs doing dog things, even if you censor them. Don’t add dog photos to open posts in the alterhuman tags, you have no idea who might be sent into a panic attack by images of yourself so you should play it safe and only put them on your own posts. And stop being so offended by people who comment on posts about pet dogs or dog facts saying they want to bleach their eyes or kill it with fire, they can’t help having a phobia.

Not great, is it? Fortunately, and I do genuinely mean that, this is a sentiment you will only see once, on this post, completely satirically. Except it’s just a real sentiment for bug therians/hearted and other invertebrate alterhumans. Of course what I said was satire. But if it pissed you off when you thought it might not be, please, contemplate on that reaction, really spend some time on it.

Also, if you're wondering what I mean by "other invertebrate alterhumans", (and I'm sorry for how heated I got when I was writing this part last night even after editing it down)

You know I’m a bug zoanthrope too, not just a bird? And see above if you're wondering why I never said shit about it, just said I was a centipede therian and even then said I was just questioning and didn't really talk much about it. Am I allowed to talk about it without tagging it #tw body horror, even though I obviously don’t fucking find my own body to be horror? Can I talk about it without tagging it #tw bugs like just the very thing that I am needs to be censored for people's well-being? I'm sorry if I come across judgmental. Offline I constantly interact with people saying they’re a nature lover but centipedes are the only thing on Earth that they still hate. And I have to come online knowing that any of those people could be bloggers in the alterhuman tags and it’s my responsibility to tiptoe around them. “Because centipedes are scary and disgusting.” Because I’m scary and disgusting. My brain is not capable of hearing a difference and I can’t change that. It is so much my reality that it's the same emotional mix of anger and anxiety and hurt that would be (has been, lol) triggered by someone ranting about how much they hate Jews or trans people to me.

[kittykatkatelol]

★Welcome to my Hell lovelies<3

(accessible, plain text, no flashing intro here: link)

You can call me Daimon/Daímonas, Val/Valentino, Micah, Faraday, Maxwell, John, Dixie, Barty, Makarov, or Jack

My pronouns include (but are not limited to): it/itself, loverboy/loverboyself, moth/mothself, ne/nem, he/him, ve/vem, luv/luvself

I'm genderfluid + xenogenders + mspec biromantic lesboy ~ oriented aroace - asexual + ACRflux + greyromantic ~ physical nonhuman + fictionkin + demonkin + ockin + therian ~ cripplepunk ~ adhd + autism(?) ~ hellenic polytheist & satanist ~ multishipper

My links: A03 ~ Pronouns Page ~ StrawPage ~ Roblox and Discord for moots (ask over dms) ~ my memories of hell+my demon appearance ~ filter tag list ~ my rdr2 side blog @shhhhtotallynotmicahbell

This blog is 13+, I curse like a sailor and reblog/post suggestive shit. I try to tag things appropriately, but I am not responsible for whatever you may find here - I suggest you leave if you are under 13

The main content is shitposts + reblogs + occassional art and/or oneshot/fic update

thomas jefferson's (from hamilton the muscial) biggest fan - the number one hermes defender - biggest hater of the brotherhood of steel

My highest kin(s) is currently John Hancock from Fallout 4 + Dixie from Fallout 4: Nuka-World + Vulpes Inculta from Fallout New Vegas

My full kin (fictionkin + otherkin + therian) list:

Valentino from Hazbin Hotel

Barty Crouch Jr from Harry Potter

Roxanne Afton a FNaF OC of mine

Micah Bell from Red Dead Redemption 2

Demonkin

Vladimir Makarov from the OG COD MW trilogy (specifically mw3)

Maxwell Roth from Assassin's Creed Syndicate

John Hancock from Fallout 4

Dixie from Fallout 4: Nuka-World

Funtime Foxy from FNaF

Faraday from Fallout 4: Far Harbor (slightly AU'd version of him)

Kellogg from Fallout 4

Vulpes Inculta from Fallout New Vegas

Jack Kennedy from DSaF

White Persian Cat therain

Roxanne Wolf from FNaF Security Breach

(otherlink) Sylveon from Pokémon

(this is subject to change at any time)

My current fixations are currently:

Red Dead Redemption 2

Fallout

COD (just all of it it's a big special interest)

-

My favorite music artists are:

Scene Queen

Yungblud

Falling in Reverse

Palaye Royale

Marina

Melanie Martinez

Baby Bugs

Olivia Rodrigo

Måneskin

Mitski

-

My fandoms/interests:

Hamilton (musical and historical)

EPIC the musical

Death Note

Heathers (both musicals and movie)

Little Nightmares 1 & 2

Fallout

FNaF

Cooking Companions

Percy Jackson (I have only finished the first series, and I do not want spoilers, hence why I don't interact with the fandom but i really like it lol)

Hazbin Hotel & Helluva Boss (literally no clue what the creator did but I don't support her since I watch it all pirated and don't have the money lmao)

Call of Duty (I love all the early stuff (haven't played any black ops though) but especially the original modern warfare)

SIX The Musical

DSAF (specifically the 1st and 2nd ones, I don't particularly enjoy the final one)

Red Dead Redemption 2

Heartstopper

My Little Pony

Legend of Korra

-

Current favorite songs:

(all of theses lists are subject to change at any time)

I tend to use typing quirks (example: Hello ! / what ? / Hmm , / Huh .) or cursive fonts ~ please tell me if you need me to not use said quirk(s) when replying :)

I use tone tags quite often since I myself have a hard time figuring out other entities tones - you do not have to do the same for me though it would be highly appreciated

DNI: anti-xenogenders/neopronouns ~ TERF ~ homo/transphobic ~ anti-fictionkin ~ anorexia/ED blogs ~ christian centered blogs ~ Valentino hate blogs ~ just assholes in general

My boundaries are:

no sexual stuff ~ I might be Val but that doesn't mean I like sex

no mouth gore/puke ~ i genuinely hate it and it makes me ill (I'm cool with most gore but mouth stuff just grosses me out)

no weight comments like ever, please

no sending things of dead moths

no sending me stuff specifically about Val getting tortured

no asking me to donate to stuff through asks, especially if I don't know you ~ I'm not financially independent and just don't have the cash even if I wanted to donate ~ any asks asking that will be deleted

I love being tagged in stuff, but if it is a picrew, I request you don't tag me in it IF it the whole game is "make irl you" or something along those lines

do not involve me in shipping wars

I am okay with Angel Dust kins interacting, but please do not try and befriend me

I request no fellow Valentinos try and befriend me (aka please no doubles)

Also, I do not support JKR (the creator of Harry Potter) though I am still in the HP and Marauders fandoms - I dislike Harry Potter itself and only engage in the fandom side of things that is also highly against JKR

User tags:

val's little hellhole (for all general posts/shit posts, never reblogs)

heaven doesn't want me and hell fears me (vent posts)

the summoning circle (asks & strawpage asks+drawings)

valentino writes (for my writing)

charles tag !! (for my bestie @/bxtteryacid !! (you = bestie sorry not sorry >:3))

CJ tag :3 (for la bestie @/p4rty-rockaa :3)

hoarding moth (for identity reblogs 4 my hoard + posts about my genders)

moth val's art (for my art)

fictionkin asks/answers (for any/all asks/questions I get related to fictionkin)

the moth attempts to learn french (shit posting about me trying to learn french)

banner and pfp are both from Fallout 4, in-game screenshots (banner is Nisha's area in the Disciples territory in Fizztop Mountain - pfp is a screenshot of Dixie)

I'm open to questions about my identity(s) ~ intro may update in the future ~ Other than that, have fun :)

✨️ to be cringe is to be free ✨️

. .

. .

In all of my lives, I regret nothing.

I'd do it all again.

No hesitation.

-

Last up dated: 1/23/25

[therihare]

i need to find more of these. theyre really fun to me

1- therian, otherkin, otherlink, otherhearted, plural, and more idk i dont write this stuff down very often

2- massively polykin so i cant list everything. i post about myself on my blogs sometimes

3- i am almost constantly mentally shifted. i rarely experience phantom shifts, but the times i have they tend to be either extremely weak and short or Very strong and lasting up to an hour or more. it depends lol. as for the strangest cameo shift... unsure.

4- as i said before, im almost constantly mentally shifted. this impacts the things i do/feel, how i interact with others, etc. sometimes more, sometimes less.

5- i generally have very positive feelings about the community. im frustrated/disappointed with how much discourse and arguing seems to happen, but overall the community isnt bad.

6- being around those who understand my identity and refer to me as my preferred names during shifts. who send me art and go "hey look its you" and ask me questions about source. when i dont feel like i have to hide myself out of fear of judgement. also, doing things that make me extra 'shifty' like certain games/movies/music/etc.

7- i do occasionally. my dysphoria doesnt tend to be so bad anymore as ive gotten more confident in who i am, both gender and species/body. i have been dealing with height dysphoria the worst out of anything.

8- dont rush. things take time, just do what makes you happy. if you feel like a cat, if it makes you happy to think of yourself as a cat, then call yourself a cat. if that changes tomorrow or next week or next year or next decade, its okay. things can change. you may have once been a cat, now you arent, but that doesnt mean youre faking anything. youre just being yourself. keep doing that

9- i do! my favourite pairs of gear are my shirts, armwarmer/gloves, and tail. i bought the tail before i knew words for alterhumanity, got it from a ren faire. the gloves were found in the pockets of a trench coat being sold in a thrift store. the shirts have been from several places overtime. my old favourite gear were my boots, but theyre nearly as old as me and literally falling apart in several places so i had to retire them, sadly.

10- several. some i see as spiritual, whether its a past life, part of another soul merging with my own soul, or even living alongside in a parallel universe. others were caused due to my brain needing a way to cope, and latching onto something so strongly it became a permanent part of myself. at least one fictotype started as a flicker but then kept reoccurring and eventually became consistent. theres more but im tired and cant think

11- lol idk if my friends are alterhuman so no

If you are a alterhuman, reblog and answer these questions!

(don't be afraid to write a lot, do what you want ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯)

1/ Which category of alterhumanity do you belong to?

2/ What/who is/are your type(s)? (if you have any)

3/ Do you experience shifts? If so, can you tell us your most common shifts and your strangest cameo shift (if you've ever had a cameo shift)?

4/ How do you experience your alterhumanity in everyday life?

5/ What do you think of the community?

6/ What are the things that make you most comfortable and euphoric in your alterhumanity?

7/ Are you experiencing species dysphoria?

8/ What advice would you like to say to a young alterhuman who has just awakened?

9/ Do you have/want to have gears?

10/ Do you know/have any theories about the origin of your alterhumanity? If so, tell us! (all beliefs are legitimate)

11/ Tag someone/a creature to answer these questions!ㅤᵕ̈

[homocidalpotat]

Intro post under the cut!

Please read it though, I sorted it out so it should be very simple to read :3

Basic introduction

This post is probably on the boring side, and quite lengthy but if you can be bothered to read it I would really appreciate it.

URL stuff: Link! (in case my url offends/confuses you)

Name: Jasper

Gender: Alexigender/genderqueer/genderfluid/non-binary, whatever, I don't massively care lol

Pronouns: They/them mostly but I'm happy anything other than she/her

Theriotypes (yeah, I'm a therian/otherhearted!): Bats, foxes, Burmese mountain dogs, moths, pangolins

MBTI and Zodiac: INTJ, Scorpio (I don't believe in zodiac sign meanings or anything but if you want to know, here!)

Other blogs/sideblogs: link

DNI

Discriminators, racists, homophobes, aphobes, transphobes, sexists, terfs, nazis, radfems, radqueers, anti-endos, antifurs, anti therians, proshippers, pedophiles, rapists, haters, donation blogs

I am a minor, so don't tag or show me anything that might not be appropriate. Literally anything NSFW. Anything 18+. Anything sexual at all (plus, I'm sex-repulsed) is a really big no.

Please don't harass me- with spam, in my DMs/askbox; about ANYTHING. If you have a problem with something I say or do, just talk to me calmly? It's not the end of the world if you don't like my posts. Block me if you want, I don't really care.

For mutuals and other people that tag me- PLEASE DON'T TAG ME IN STUFF ABOUT BAD MENTAL HEALTH!!! This includes trauma dump chains.

Donations/gofundmes

As I'm a minor with no money I can't donate to any funds for anything or anyone. I might not reblog donation posts if there are triggering subjects on it, but if I feel able to, I will. Please don't send me asks/DMs for donations/help, here is why I have said this . I mean any asks, no matter your situation or nationality. I'm not doing favouritism.

Link to Daily Clicks for Palestine: here

I made a petition for perfume use in schools here, please sign it! Here's the post about it.

Queer stuff

I'm asexual and sex repulsed, but I'm not going to hate on sex-positive or kink or anything! I am also genderqueer/genderfluid/alexigender, so I don't mind what terminology or pronouns you use on me but I prefer more neutral ones. I don't know how to label my sexuality but I'm just calling it queer. I'm in a loving, long-term romantic relationship with the wonderful @names-confuse-me (they're called Erin and he's awesome!).

I will always respect your pronouns and identity and I am a safe person to speak to about this (and most other things). If I don't know your pronouns I will use they/them until I find out. Sometimes I don't fully understand an identity but I will always respect and acknowledge it!

Queer dictionary (genuinely a lifesaver): Link!!! And here's the link to the post I made about it!

Mental Health stuff

I am officially diagnosed with autism, and I might have OCD. My parents think I have ADHD, as well as probably synthensia. But in short I am neurodivergent, so would really appreciate a safe environment for me, if you can provide it!

I also have vivid hallucinations, panic attacks, I self harm, etc. I have a vent blog so I won't mention it here, and I always use trigger warnings. This shouldn't be an issue but if you really dont want to see that stuff, don't follow me probably.

Sometimes people tag/dm/ask/reblog something to me and I don't respond. I'm not ghosting you, I don't hate you, you haven't done anything wrong. I am a depressed teenager with strict parents and little-to-no motivation half the time. Sorry if this bothers you but I just can't sometimes.

Please don't purposefully harass or upset me. You will be blocked and reported.

Here is a post I made about my boundaries for people coming to vent to me: link

Note about my content

Everything I say is gender neutral (e.g. dude, bro, girlie) but I will always use your preferred pronouns and be as affirming for you as possible. If you aren't okay with me referring to you with gendered words that you don't like, even ironically, just shout! I won't be upset and I will stop straight away

Everything is platonic as well. I might say things like "I love you" or a silly, sappy thing but it is completely platonic. Again, if you don't like that, I can very easily stop. I do say romantic things to Erin, but you can avoid that with a tag I mention just below this!

Sometimes I might post something rash, rude or wrong without realising. Please call me out on this sort of thing, and I'd really appreciate it if you do so calmly. I am neurodivergent, which might excuse me for posting something like that, but it won't justify it.

This blog is pretty much entirely SFW. I don't often reblog things that are NSFW (depending on your definition of NSFW, I might never have), but if I think something is even slightly inappropriate or triggering, I will tag it <3

My tags, that I will try to use (but often forget to):

Original posts: jasper did a thing

Reblogs: jasper saw a thing

Conversational reblogs: jasper is doing the speech

Asks: jasper spreads their limited wisdom

Being romantic with my partner: channel simp

What I post/interests

Stuff I like: Nature (yes! all of it... except most molluscs), music, being whimsical, understanding the world around me, being gay (and doing crimes), making other people feel happy, my dog and two rabbits, being creative, dinosaurs, geology, going exploring anywhere, big long walks, my partner, gaming, binge watching, making friends, i-will-add-to-this-list-when-i-can-think-of-stuff

Media I interact with: Legend of Zelda (specifically TOTK, BOTW, EOW and Skyward Sword), Jurassic Park/World, the Owl House, the Lord of the Rings, Brooklyn 99, the Good Place, Heartstopper, Doctor Who, Portal, Delicious in Dungeon, Green Day, Dead Boy Detectives, Mouthwashing

Ships I interact with: Ineffable Spouses (Good Omens), Sidlink (TOTK/BOTW), Johnlock (BBC Sherlock) and BlackBonnet (OFMD), Lumity (TOH), Raeda (TOH), a bunch of other TOH ships, Farcille (DID), Kabru (DID), Payneland (DBD)

I don't always post a huge amount of some of these fandoms/ships/media, so if you plan on following me for them, maybe just have a snoop around my account for a bit first. You might find that I hardly ever interact with the content. Maybe if you prompt me to I will. The lists don't necessarily include everything I like because I don't have that memory.

On this blog you can expect posts/reblogs about the fandoms in, memes, shitposts, and just a friendly face to chat to. I love asks! I'm always happy to receive one (PLEASE send me asks I'm lonely).

Mutuals

I will add your username to a Google Sheets, where I list whether or not I can tag you in certain things. If you haven't checked it out already, please respond to this post, mutuals! It's purely for your benefit! I will try and update the document every time I get a new mutual but I don't always remember.

I hope I can add some more amazing tumblrinas to my list! The community here is delightful <33

Honourable mentions:

@names-confuse-me my dearly beloved boyfriend/partner

@yourlocalbadgerscales my adoptive mother but also genuinely one of my best friends

@krurly my irl best friend and amazing artist !!

@yourlocalxiaosimp skrunkly friend who i love and appreciate very much, and is my go-to fandom person because i can just badger away at you

Credits

My header image is from Pinterest images that I put together and I made my profile picture. Credit to @visceracture and @zack-agere for making the dividers in this post. Thank you!

[deepbasementflower]

Oh God, I'm waiting for some kinnie to come into the ask box and start lecturing you about how "you were never otherkin because..." now. Bonus points if you used to cope, they'll use the "that's not otherkin, that's copinglink" spiel.

This is a little long but…..I’ve pretty much been everywhere on the otherkin area. Both as copingkin, fictionkin, and actual therian-otherkin past life shit.

I used to be otherkin long before I knew of the term and tbh I still sort of am? But more or less in a “I’m spiritually connected to x animal because of my heritage as a native american but I feel as if calling it a “spirit animal” is bad now because white people have ruined the term for me so I’d call myself otherkin I guess” way than anything else. So I guess technically I am still otherkin but not in the way that tumblr perceives it at all, and I definitely do not think of myself as a “animal trapped in a human body” or “PHANTOM LIMBS!!!!!11!!!!” lmao. I just hate the term “spirit animal” because of how racists have claimed it. It’s sort of tainted and seen as a joke now.

After a while of being on tumblr, I was introduced to new sources of media and fandoms and shit and eventually the subject of fictionkin. Now see I definitely do get feelings of “ME” when it comes to characters, but that’s just because of how hard I can relate to some of them — having unresolved mental health issues and trauma, being autistic, 14-16 years old, and very impressionable doesnt exactly help either lol. So I decided to call myself “fictionkin” and let that destroy my sense of identity.

I ended up kinning like upwards of 20 characters and I seriously named myself after each and every one of them, had a huge kin page and shit, and even blamed some of my actions on “kin shifts”. I let fictionkin shit take over my entire identity to the point where tbh? I didn’t leave my house other than to go to school for six months (but even then I was CONSTANTLY on tumblr at school) and pretty much refused to live in the real world. Overall, I was the stereotypical Kinnie™ and I regret my past with that shit so fucking much.

I was kin with some very edgy characters and after I ended up meeting Kin Friends, I actually started experiencing delusions and false placebo memories of “canons” and shit (which said Kin Friends actually enabled and encouraged). Eventually I went through the whole “freaking out about doubles” phase because my internalized abandonment issues shot through the roof after my “canonmates” started talking to “doubles” of “me”.

After a while, a new thing became popular within the fictionkin community — dissociative identity disorder and “systems” and “fictives”. Kinnies started (and still do) mistakingly relate a mental disorder to their kin bullshit and treat it as if its one and the same. You have 13 year olds self diagnosing themselves with DID and 10 other things to try to be The Most Mentally Ill™ Valid© person around. Now… me with my fragmented sense of identity, emotional issues, memory issues, and past trauma immediately picked up on this unfortunately and well…. otherkin shit literally made me fake self diagnose myself with this disorder and I created about 15 fake “alters” (mostly “fictives” and based off of fictional characters). I also dated one of those friends because “lol i ship us together we’d be so hot” kinnie-dating bullshit which actually led to me being abused.

The kin friends who encouraged these bad behaviors didn’t help me at all and after a while of fully enabling my negative and toxic behaviors and telling me it was “good to be that way”, they actually ended up becoming hypocrites and blaming me for what they caused me to do. So I’m sure you can tell what happened next — we all had a huge falling out. They ended up stalking me for well over a year. I had to abandon my old blog and tbh chances are they still stalk it (it’s still up, just inactive).

I took some time off of tumblr after they all stalked me and I felt a lot better. It took me a few weeks to understand that the reason I was feeling better was because I was literally back in the real world. But after accepting and understanding this, I grew and I ended up seeking help for my Issues. I’m definitely no longer that impressionable kinnie anymore and thank god I grew out of that shit.

[the-long-lost-ebony-blog]

my suicide attempt from kinphobia -- really really long post!!

TW FOR SUICIDE, SUICIDE ATTEMPT, HOSPITAL, FRIEND BETRAYAL, DOCTORS, ABUSE, KINPHOBIA, ANXIETY, SELF HARM , PEDOPHILE MENTION, and MAYBE DOXXING!!! 

well um. remember a while back when i was all super worried about a girl in chem class almost finding out i'm kin? yeah. it happened. it happened like a month ago. so i actually started being friends with her after she'd obvs had a bad day, like she was just sitting in the hall and i felt sorry for her bc she'd been crying. i started talking to her and asked if she was okay, now at that point she had no idea that i might be kin. i hid it really well! until!! she said that kin itself is a mental illness. and i couldn't help myself. i fuckin went off on her. kin isn't a mental illness, not all kin are mentally ill, etc etc. she just froze up and had this look of absolute disgust on her face. i tried to backpedal and say that she was just using the words wrong, and she was insulting mentally ill ppl but noo, she caught on. 

i just sorta made an excuse and left but it turns out that later on, she'd gone onto my facebook which i don't put on here for reasons like this lol. she dug through my timeline and a bunc of old photos and found like... a kin positive graphic from 2009 or something. it was a thing saying that i was "kin and proud" or whatever. (back then i thought i might be therian or otherkin. not fictionkin.)) 

now, i am in college but for summers i go home to live with my parents. that's where i am now. so here's where it gets worse. tw for stuff above. she went onto their facebook pages and got their emails. and she sent them both email as "a concerned friend". she told them that she was friends with me from class, and that i'd been acting weird lately -- like, not myself, low self esteem, spent all my time talking to strange people on tumblr, took 'a certain satire writing' (my source!! ugh) too seriously, and was really disconnected from reality. 

okay so the deal with my parents: they really are supportive of gender stuff (even though i'm a cis girl and was cis in canon) and different sexualities, and disabilities. they are also anti trump and want free health care and wish we did not start shit with russia. like they are not bad people. but in the past , i'd started to ask them for advice on if i was kin.  i had to explain what kin was. and they were p much horrified that this exists. they think that it "locks people into fiction and imagined reality" and "stunts their phsyclogical (not sure how to spell) development" and "teaches suffering kids to use escapism instead of therapy or self help". basically they are super ableist when it comes to kin. and they think it's ridiculous that it's actual community. stupid me, i'd literally said (before they said all that) that "i think i'm an otherkin, i feel uncomfortable as i am right now". so i pretended to agree with them on kin being bad. but then when this girl sent them the email.... i was home. with them. 

they would not shut up aboout how terrible this was for me, how i was hurting myself, how they never should have let me on tumblr, how they shouldve watched me closer, how i don't owe "these people" anything (you guys are my friends!!!) how this community is toxic, how i badly needed therapy. okay okay -- i need therapy! but it's for depression! not for being ebony!! and it was like this every single fucking day, and a lot of cringe blogs have been posting shots of my blog. that's because she's sent anon tips to them outing me as kin, outed me to my parents, and all the other ppl from class i was friends with? she spred a rumor that i was a pedophile apologist and didn't think authors' work was original, to make them stay away from me. i would have been here on tumblr -- ut they monitored all the stuff i did on the internet. i could only write poetry and watch youtube and like check the fucking weather. and i could shop on amazon. they became so ridiculously strict. it was "to protect me" but no. they refused to udnerstand that kin heps me! 

everything came to a head that night. they took a way my laptop, they took away my phone, they made me disconnect from everything that was related to kin. and they sent me to a therapist who was... well. awful. she was blatantly kinphobic, she'd had kin patients before and claimed to have cured them of being kin. this bitch had glowing reviews everywhere. when i insisted that i actually was ebony, she told me that i was taking "imagination as a coping skill" to far. she would not let me explain anything. my parents, who i usually came to for advice and liked, didn't let me explain. any mention of kin was just shut down. 

and then i couldn't anymore. i am so sorry, i just couldn't do it. and i was so angry at them. i was angryer at the bitch classmate who outed me to them. i wrote a sucide note telling them that i'd attempted before but kin saved my life, that i was sorry i couldn't be better, that all i ever wanted was to find my true self, that if i couldn't be ebony then i couldnt be at all. TW!! when they were asleep i went down to the medicine cabinet, i put a basket of my favorite things on the table, and i put the letter in it. and then i took.... jeez i dont even know what. 

the next thing i knew i was awake in the hospital. god it hurt all over. i just remember feeling super sick but really wanting food, and my head hurt, and it hurt to keep my eyes open. i was just... aching. and i was so disappointed and so scared that i'd failed. i knew my parents were furious with me and i'd never talk to my friends again. when they came in to finally talk to me , well i don't remember what happened. i blocked it out. but i do remember that they weren't angry at me, they were mad at themselves.  they are still kinphobic, but they want me to be comfortable with myself without "having to believe i'm ebony". 

when i recovered enough to be sent home they spent all their time with me until i said i needed to be alone. so they gave me a break but they came back, they said that they'd read about how to help me. all the advice they got said that they shouldn't isolate me and they shouldnt cut off my contact from my friends. so i'm allowed to be on tumblr a little, i'm allowed to talk about kin a little, they think that i'll grow out of it with lots of help. shutting me down about it will make me restless and i might atempt again. 

i am currently in therapy. i dk what my new therapist thinks of kin. i try not to talk about it with her bc i'm scared that she'll be hostile and i'll relapse. overall going to see her is not stressfull as long as i don't alk about being ebony. i just kinda pretend that i don't have a sense of my own identity, so she's trying to help me build one. i did tell her about how i had a frend that spread horrible rumors about me and shared my secrets bc i did something she didn't like, i didn't do anything wrong though. she was really sympathetic bc when she was a teenager, fake friends spread rumors about her being bi and said it meant she was cheating on her boyfriend. so yeah she is helping but kin helps too. i'm not going to tell her about it bc i can't have it taken away from me again. 

thats why i've been gone so long. i'm on new meds too, antidepressants, so i might act weird or be emotional a lot. and im trying not to self harm but i slip up and cut sometimes where no one can see it. 

i know i have a lot of messages. guys im really really sorry but i have to delete them. there are self care request, have to delete, i'm sorry. it's just.... if i the messages, i feel sick bc it' like i missed a deadline over and over and i feel like people are going to be mad at me and i feel like i cant fix it. if you sent requests, please sent them again SLOWLY over the next couple days. im doing everything i can to get better. but i need your help. 

[pumastuffs]

The 30 Day Non-Human Challenge (but all at once and slightly modified)

1. What is your species? I am a puma!

2. Have you told anyone?  Who? I've briefly brought it up with my younger sister, and I've also told my husband.

3. How old were you when you realized you were not human?  What made you realize it? My "official" awakening was a couple years back, sometime around 2012 or 2013.  I've always felt like a cat, and that was when I finally learned a word to briefly summarize my identity.

4. Do you identify as a part of the otherkin or therian community?  What communities do you identify with? When I first discovered the communities, I lurked mainly in the otherkin tags and used 'kin terminology.  With the recent influx of fictionkin in the otherkin community and tags, I've shifted more towards therian spaces.  Nothing against 'em, I just feel more comfortable with the therian crowd.

5. Tell the story of the first person you told. I think the first person I told was my little sister.  I don't remember it all that well, but I think it started as me talking about the concept and then admitting that yeah, I am one.  We're close and she's cool, so it went well.  Basically a "yeah, that makes sense," kind of thing.

6. Have you faced any abuse because of identifying as nonhuman? Nope!  I'm not very vocal about it irl or on my main blog, and I don't tag my personal posts here with the relevant tags, so I have no audience that could turn on me, haha.

7. Do you have a favorite nonhuman character? Judy Hopps!  When the movie came out, I was the same age as her, and I just really loved her personality.  She's a very relatable character and I love her.  I have a lot of "favorite" characters, but she's the first one who came to mind, and also the most recent.

8. Do you believe there should be nonhuman pride?  What do you imagine it being like? It'd be nice to be able to be a bit more open about it in public without fear of being made fun of, but I don't think "pride" is appropriate.  More just general acceptance.

9. What does being nonhuman mean to you? It means experiencing the world as an animal and a human.  It's kind of a best of both worlds situation.  I'm a feline at my core, but I get to do all these fun things that are inherently human experiences.

10. What have other people said about your nonhuman nature? Nothing, really.  The two people I've told have been supportive, but it's not a thing that we actively talk about because it doesn't *need* to be talked about.

11. Nope.

12. Your favorite nonhuman Tumblr site. Kinfood is probably still my favorite, even if they are inactive.  Lots of good recipes, and it was one of the first kin blogs I followed.

13. Your favorite nonhuman website. Buddy, I have no idea.  I know it's a faux pas, but 99% of my online consumption of therian stuff is tumblr.

14. Tell us about a time you met another nonhuman, whether in real life or online. I don't really actively socialize with other people in the community aside from the occasional reply, and I've not met anyone irl, so I don't think I can really say I've met someone.  Encountered, yes; met, no.

15. Your favorite nonhuman celebrity/person. I've forgotten how to spell it, but I did enjoy watching Kaniishta Njaiuk's videos.  Doggrin was also a favorite.  I loved those little rambling videos while they cooked.  Genuineferalswagger was another blog that I enjoyed going through, although they've since deactivated.  I hope all of 'em are doing well.

16. Your favorite nonhuman book (as in, nonhuman characters are the main focus). Anything with cats as the lead, haha.  Redwall is a classic series.  Watership Down is a good one.  I recently remembered The Grand Escape, but I haven't read that since elementary school.

17. Your favorite nonhuman movie. The Lion King is up there.  Zootopia and Brother Bear are also candidates.  I'm really bad at picking favorites.

18. Tell us a funny joke about being nonhuman. Otherkin don’t real.  A classic joke.

19. Is being nonhuman spiritual for you? A complicated question!  I believe that I'm a purposefully misplaced soul that was nurtured by my close relationship with my childhood cat and dogs.  So basically a mix of spiritual and psychological stuff (the latter being some kind of imprinting).  However you spin it, I believe my nonhuman identity was intentional on behalf of a higher power to help me get through life.  It sounds super cheesy, but it's the easiest way to describe it.

20. Tell us a few thoughts about what it's like being your species. Being feline is so innate that it's sometimes hard to pick out feline behavior from normal human traits.  It's comfy, though.  The worst part is being weirdly territorial  on some things; I don't like people touching my things, and I get this weird, uncomfortable feeling when people come over for the first little bit, like they shouldn't be there.

21. Your favorite nonhuman quote. I can't think of any off the top of my head, sorry!

22. What do you believe causes nonhuman identity? It depends on the person, honestly.  For some it's spiritual, for others it's psychological, and it can even be a mixture of both!  All I know is my vague, wishy-washy views based on my own experience.

23. What is your favorite nonhuman pride image? Uh, the theta-delta?  It's a nice little symbol, and it's a little more subtle than shouting "HEY I'M A CAT" from the rooftops, lol.

24. Write something or post a picture about nonhumans that upsets you. I'm a little bothered by the Tumblrkin(tm) taking over and warping the terms and everything.  I'm also weirded out by how fast it went from a small community on this site to literally everyone on tumblr is fictionkin.  I'm not losing sleep over anything, but like, how did this happen?

25. What is the worst argument you've heard against being nonhuman? They're all a little tired at this point, but the "your body is human" is an obvious one.  Like, yeah, of course.  You sure showed me, buddy.

26. Who is your biggest ally? I'm gonna be cheesy and say my husband.  He's not a spiritual person at all, but he accepts my views and gives me scritches and pets and calls me a cat sometimes.  It's nice.

27. What is your favorite type(s) of cake? Ice cream cake is my jam.  Red Velvet is good, too, followed by confetti cake.

28. What is your favorite type of pie? (Alternately, is pie an acceptable replacement for cake?) Pumpkin pie and buttermilk pie are both so good.  I used to think French silk was amazing back in the day, but it's probably a little too rich for me now.  Pie is definitely an acceptable replacement for cake.

29. Where did you first learn about being nonhuman? Here on good ol' tumblr.  I first saw the word on a post someone made about otherkin going into their ask box to complain about their interpretation of a character.  That lead me to looking in the tags to see what it was about, delving into the blogs (of which Tsu's was one of the first), and deciding "hey, this fits."  All of this was shortly before Tsu went off the deep end.

30. Tell us anything about being nonhuman that you want to end with. I did this all in one go so my mind is pretty tapped for comments or good advice or whatever.