#this is like my third rant today yikes

[inkofamethyst]

February 6, 2024

Saw Argylle in theatres and it was such an unserious movie omg. Like I went in there expecting some physical comedy, visual gags, wordplay, twists, Kingsman type stuff. And it delivered, but I don't think it was quite as fun as Kingsman. I do think they went a little heavy handed with the theme motifs, but the soundtrack was good and fun. Overall it was fun. One thing though, seeing an average-sized woman as a superspy was SO NICE.

I've decided I want to pare down my Goodreads To-Read shelf ( I know I know I was supposed to have switched by now), and I'm starting from the back, or the books I added earliest. Those tend to be books that were once crazy popular, so libraries have a ton of libby copies but not crazy amounts of people checking them out (so I can support my libraries and not feel compelled to pirate everything I read yikes). Started reading The Fifth Wave and whewww it's so.. unfortunate. I'm about a third of the way through (in two days!) and I just feel bad for everyone. All so pitiful. Though speaking of Goodreads, all of my friends read these super academic nonfiction or dense, thematic fiction, and I feel lowkey juvenile with my YA. But! I'm working nonfiction and classics into my rotation, and anyway I need to stop comparing myself to my friends in all respects.

This is just turning into a media journal whoops I'll try to cut that down (though, even my commentary can lend insights into myself, who I am, who I'm becoming, etc).

Update: I finished The Fifth Wave in four days and it was SUCH A FUN READ!!! A shame the movie did so poorly, but I think fitting so much into two hours effectively would've been difficult. About to start the next one! [edit, 2 mins later bc I have to talk about this book more: listen. listen. It had so much, so much, like it was written just for me. Puppy love, a girl who is terrified forced into becoming fierce, action, a man who loves her to the ends of the earth, losing and subsequently searching for the child figure as the only thing tying her to life, the pacing was excellent, the voice(s) was(were) excellent, and even though I managed to guess several of the major twists a ways away, the author still managed to write the reveals in ways that were impactful, some of which resulted in somatic reactions. Twists shouldn't just jerk a reader around, a good story should have clues that could be plausibly pieced together (maybe my only critique is that the clues were a little too obvious, but on the other hand it's a lot of fun to guess at twists and put things together and feel smart when I get things right).]

Today I'm thankful that my pre-seminar chat with my ceramics-friend went well. The seminar is super bio-heavy and she's not really a bio person, so we're doing pre-seminar chats to help her get more comfortable with the material (today's was mostly just me ranting about phylogenies lol). She's very intelligent obv and is getting the ideas, but it's tough for me to engage with any conversation when I know that not everyone in the group is keeping up because they're unfamiliar with a lot of the "bio lore". Hopefully tomorrow she feels confident enough to comment.

I'm really tired. I don't know where all my hours went today.

[tea-and-la]

i find the idea that zutara wouldn’t work because they’re “too similar” to be not only a ridiculous argument, but incredibly lazy. and by lazy i mean uninventive. and in part, i get that it comes from society’s preoccupation with ‘opposites attract,’ but tbh the foundation of most relationships (platonic, romantic, etc.) are based on similarities. capability can be influenced by it. 

also, this idea that zutara don’t ‘fulfill each other’s emotional needs’ rubs me the wrong way. how can this be said, and then go on to talk about how deep their friendship runs? by that i mean, if you think that they don’t fulfill each other’s emotional needs in a romantic sense, then that also should apply in a platonic sense as well. bc friends also fulfill emotional needs. 

anyway, it’s almost like we saw examples of them doing just that. you know, like in tsr when zuko created a space for katara to process her anger and negative emotions and begin to heal from her trauma. how, at every successive step, zuko listens .... from when she tells him of his wrongdoings and when she opens up about the details of her mother’s death, and he offers no opposition or judgment. how, at the end of the episode, katara jump-hugged him because she was grateful for his support. how Legacy of the Fire Nation mentions that zuko was “prompted to reach out to help seal the wound in katara’s [heart].” dare i say this qualifies as an emotional need? 

how, even in the Legacy of the Fire Nation, in Iroh’s own words, “Zuko’s bond with Katara is his strength.” (and i’m not even saying this in a romantic sense, but this is a canon line from the book and it kinda implies some level of ability to emotionally support the other.) 

or, maybe in EIP when katara noticed that he was feeling down because he was experiencing remorse for lashing out at iroh and she reached out. 

or, maybe when she walked over to him as he stood outside iroh’s tent and he openly admitted that he wasn’t okay and expressed what was on his mind, and katara gave him the courage to face iroh again. 

or maybe, after azula’s tied up in the finale and she’s screaming blue fire and zuko looks on with a hardened expression and katara puts a hand on his shoulder and looks at him because she knows that moment is painful because it’s still his sister.

yeah all of those kinda sound like fulfilling an emotional need, which, don’t get me wrong, a friend can do. 

also... can we please retire this notion that people only like zutara because they’re conventionally attractive? just like the ‘too similar’ argument, it’s lazy. i mean, attractiveness could be said about any of the main ships: m*iko, z*kka, sukka, etc. and if even non-zks are able to appreciate and recognize their parallels and symbolism, why do y’all think that zks only look at attractiveness and not the meaningfulness of their interactions? 

[bnncat]

Started yj s3 a few days ago & so far i’m... disappointed

I literally do not care about most of the new characters. S2 already introduced so many characters& they could’ve easily focused on some of the less developed ones in s3 but hhh... i guess nope

i mean even in s2 i felt like there was too much plot and not enough character-driven episode but at least the plot was good. Idk if i can say that about outsiders. I don’t find the plot very compelling so far,,,

Anyways I’m disappointed i should probably just read the comics or smth

[everything-laito]

if I don’t have tendinitis by the end of writing this series, I am officially immortal. anyways here’s the long awaited Laito and Cordelia analysis: Part I

Hi, Corn here! Holy shit I’ve been wanting to write this for forever now; idk how long this series will be but uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I’m gonna wing it.

Lemme get something REAL clear before I begin. Because for some fucking reason I still see people trying to say that Cordelia did not molest/rape/etc Laito. Cuz she did. It’s called grooming and manipulation, sweetie. And I’ll explain that too. 

Also, I’m not defending or justifying Cordelia’s actions (there’s a difference between explaining why something happens and defending it. For example, we know racism is harmful and awful, but explaining what it is and why it happens isn’t defending it). I also don’t defend Laito’s nonconsensual or abusive actions either on here, I also wanna clarify that. I just merely explain his theorized rationale and psyche.

God I don’t even know where to start, or where this is exactly going to end, but my god, time to pop off. I’m going to divide this into sections as well. 

Also I think this is usually a given with all the Laito stuff I put on here, but, spoilers ahead! And trigger warnings galore! Pedophilia/rape/abuse/grooming/depression/anxiety are the ones I can think of now, but all of those are really a given on this blog. Just wanna emphasize it because I’m gonna go deep into em. 

As always,,,,, rant under the cut~!

Section 1: Before the Storm (insert Life is Strange joke here)

There’s quite a bit of back and forth about where Cordelia started doing this. I just finished Dark Fate and the conversation between the triplets caught my eye. Laito mentions in his Dark Fate Ecstacy Epilogue that implies Cordelia wasn’t abusive at first. It’s revealed how Karlheinz used Cordelia just for his Adam and Eve experiment to create a new human race, which is why he blatantly ignores her after courting her and making her have kids that she didn’t even wanna have. Which is. Yikes. I’d say that’s a form of coercive pregnancy abuse.

The conversation turns to Laito who then says that Cordelia lost her mind due to of sexual frustration and then hurt the triplets. Sexual frustration is a real and common thing, but I’m gonna explain the potential logistics of this being turned into abuse. 

Sexual frustration in general can be described as a sense of “dissatisfaction stemming from a discrepancy between a person’s desired and achieved sexual activity” (source). I know it’s from Wikipedia but the phrasing of that definition is just too perfect. (also Wikipedia’s good just to get the basics from ;) ) Sexual frustration can happen from physical, mental, emotional, social, religious, or spiritual barriers. Everyone has some kind of ideal sexual activity, whether it be innate and or learned (like getting used to sexual acts over time, whether that be from a traumatic or consensual experience). However, I can safely say that Cordelia has high libido, regardless of the reason. 

Oxytocin, my absolute favorite hormone to talk about, is huge in this case. Touch starvation (what I’d say most of us are going through now because of quarantine) also depends on oxytocin level. We’re social creatures, and we need touch in some way. Having sexual needs is also not a thing to be shameful of (if you do have them), since that is also very human and very biological. Oxytocin is needed for so many things! From social bonding, sexual bonding, reproduction in general, and general emotional wellbeing. Everyone has different levels of oxytocin needs. With a lack of oxytocin, whether it causes sexual frustration or touch starvation (or both), it can create fear, anxiety, and or depression. This has to do with my favorite part of the brain, the amygdala. It’s this lil almond shaped part (hence, amygdala, which is Latin for “almond”) is responsible for empathy, your fight and flight response, as well as SO many other things. I’ll talk more about the amygdala later, because I’m getting off track. 

Back to the logistics of oxytocin deficiency and abuse. Basically, I didn’t initially think that touch starvation or sexual frustration could get so bad that someone would resort to abuse. Haven’t found anything that supports that either. However, since it is linked to depression and stress, I do believe Cordelia would have other underlying psychological issues that made her response to depression and stress just so much worse. It’s kind of obvious that Karlheinz absurd her, and when someone goes through a traumatic episode, there’s different coping mechanisms or different emotions are triggered. Maybe even before Karlheinz she had issues, but we will never know. I just know that Cordelia seems susceptible to some kind of manic episodes, such as mood swings and intense behaviors. 

Dark Fate confirms that Karlheinz most likely used this, and used Cordelia due to her Founder blood and that her psyche was “optimal” to eventually have the triplets kill her. Karl can see the future and past etc, I believe that was confirmed in Lost Eden too. Anyways, all of this paves the way to what Cordelia did to the triplets.

Section 2: The Beginning

There’s been quite a bit of back and forth between when did Cordelia start sexually abusing Laito? We know that Kanato and Ayato were abused when they were young, but there’s no flashbacks in Laito’s routes that depicts him being a child (to my knowledge). Not saying Laito wasn’t abused when he was a child, but I can assure you that the first time Cordelia had explicit sex with Laito was when he was older. 

Special thanks to @vampiretsuki​ and @amiecris​ for helping me think this through on Zara’s server! 

There hasn’t been any flashbacks that specifically show us the first time that happened. However, I believe that there was a flashback in HDB that shows one of the first times. Here’s a scene from Laito’s Dark Epilogue:

Cordelia: ー Laito…Laito… Laito: …Hm? Is something the matter? Cordelia: I have a favor to ask. It just isn’t enough. You can do it, right Laito? Laito: You really are something…So that’s why you came to me again? Cordelia: Fufufu…That’s right, Laito. Come on, quickly… Laito: …Guess it can’t be helped. I’ll love you plenty. Cordelia: Aah…My cute Laito~ I love you. I really do. Laito: I can do it…right? Cordelia: Of course, Laito. Now, quickly…

First of all, ew. Second of all, Laito’s diction implies that this was maybe the second or third time this occurred. He asks a question, and ends it with “again.” We know by this that it is not the first time, but the question also means that Laito might not have expected to occur again. His tone also implies some surprise to it, at least in my ears. His other question, “I can do it, right?” screams hesitance to me. If this scene took place down the line, or after many times he did this with Cordelia, I don’t believe he’d be some level of surprised or hesitance. 

Now, you may be thinking, “Oh! What about Ayato and Laito’s Versus II CD?! Didn’t it mention that Laito wasn’t in the triplet’s shared bed 9/10 times?!” And yeah, if you remembered that, kudos to you! Yes, you’re totally right. I thought this was some inconsistent writing, but I don’t believe so. I believe Cordelia was grooming Laito as a kid. For some reason, grooming never came to my mind, it was Tsuki who mentioned grooming, and Cris also backed that notion up. It’s not confirmed if Cordelia planned to do this to Laito in the beginning (which I doubt, I think she sexually exploited him on a whim due to sexual frustration and because Karl wouldn’t; and the suitors she had wasn’t “enough” for her) but I think it’s implied that it happened (from the earlier excerpt). As for grooming, here’s an excerpt from the VS II CD:

Ayato: You weren’t even there 9 out of the 10 times. Laito: So you knew, Ayato-kun. Ayato: … Laito: You know, I have been thinking how I came to be the person I am today. I am still wondering why wasn’t it Ayato-kun or Kanato-kun.

God that’s so SAAAD! This is why Laito being groomed from a young age would make sense. It would also make sense as to why he was so dismissive and hesitant to help Ayato out. In Ayato’s flashbacks, Laito is there, but doesn’t interfere when Cordelia gets into the picture. Laito tends to run away from his problems, and this manifests even when he’s a kid. To further the support of the claim, it’s definitely not farfetched that Cordelia would do something to a child, especially her own child. She used Kanato for his singing voice when she was having sex..... yikes. That’s another form of sexual exploitation. So uh, let’s dive right into see what grooming does,,,,, *opens another private window* Here’s the source I’ll be using too. 

Grooming is a process that is typically used to sexually exploit children. Ewewewewewewew. It can be a quick or gradual process. It’s basically harnessing the trust in children utilizing constant contact. There’s not much explicit evidence describing this with Cordelia, but if Laito wasn’t sexually exploited when he was younger in the fashion he was “used” to when he got older, again I do think he was groomed. It would make sense as to why he either avoided conflict with Cordelia as a child. Either that was his own disposition (which to a degree I think it is), or maybe he was confused about Cordelia’s actions towards his other brothers, since he “loved” Cordelia. Young Laito typically fell silent when Cordelia entered the room, which again could be because of his disposition, fear, or he knows not to say much in front of her. 

During the grooming process, a child can result in not being able to see coercion and deception. In general, kids 7 years old and under biologically are not able to differentiate persuasion from their own decisions, which results in the laws surrounding advertisements catering to children. Fun fact. I know we’re dealing with vampires and so their brains might not work like that, but from what I’ve seen, they’re pretty human. Also, we’re still not sure about their ages or how vampire biological ages work, but bear with me on this. 

Another stage of grooming involves cutting off the child’s support system, whether it be family, friends, etc. I made a comment in an analysis that Laito doesn’t have a support system, and at the very least, his brothers. But even that is pretty weak. You know how it’s mentioned how Laito wasn’t even in bed with Ayato and Kanato most of the time? That’s probably due to Cordelia weakening Laito’s bonds with them. Furthermore, on the website I’m using to get information from, it says this:

Control and alienation is exercised in the following ways:

[more bullet points here]

- creating conflicting feelings of love and hate, protection and exploitation, guilt and innocence, entitlements and duties.

OOOOOHHHHHH BBBBBOOOOOYYYYYY!!!!! Ayato and Kanato say that they fucking hate Cordelia. But... Laito’s the only one that says he “loves” her. He also says that he hates her. So, from this, I think it might be safe to say that Cordelia groomed Laito as a child, and continued to use those tactics when he was older.

Well, I’m gonna end it here for part one. That was quite the ride, but I hope you enjoyed nonetheless! Next part, we’ll be getting into Laito when he’s older and the effects it had on him, along with some other crazy dark sides of psychology. I still won’t be answering many of my inbox questions until this huge analysis is finished, sorry! I kinda wanna focus on this first. But feel free to hit me up with any questions! I’ll still get to them :)

Any Cordelia/Laito questions will most likely be answered in this series, just a heads up. But if you have any questions pertaining to Cordelia/Laito right now or after the series, feel free to hit me up still! Any clarifying questions for this post or anything in general are always encouraged as well if you’re confused or want me to elaborate on something :)

Part two is planned to be up next week! See ya then ;) -Corn

[harocat]

I posted 3,654 times in 2021

95 posts created (3%)

3559 posts reblogged (97%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 37.5 posts.

I added 6,084 tags in 2021

#queue - 2455 posts

#yuri on ice - 814 posts

#katsuki yuuri - 629 posts

#victor nikiforov - 602 posts

#victuuri - 494 posts

#gif - 439 posts

#figure skating - 235 posts

#cats - 221 posts

#art - 104 posts

#lmao - 91 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and anyway can the people acting superior about this honestly say they've never loved something that turned out to be made by someone awful

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

[April 2021: Current World and Olympic figure skating Champion Yuuri Katsuki-Nikiforov, and his coach and husband, retired skating legend Victor Katsuki-Nikiforov were recently seen enjoying each other's company on the streets of their hometown of Hasetsu, Japan.]

Commission from @frosty-haddock on tumblr, _Mikipin on twitter.

Thank you so, so much for taking my commission Miki! I had a really specific image in my head and you captured it so well. This was my birthday gift to myself, and you came through amazingly. I adore it.

129 notes • Posted 2021-05-16 05:42:06 GMT

#4

Rin is still talking in third person like a small child, and the fact that she can’t be older than 15-17 (probably on the younger end) and you all are pretending this is acceptable?? They’re infantilizing her while trying to tell us it’s totally okay bc she’s older now. I have no doubt that the differences between ‘kid Rin’ and ‘adult Rin’ are going to be pretty minimal, outside of her size, and YIKES to that.

(read more at the link because this is just a long-ass rant.)

232 notes • Posted 2021-01-12 06:56:47 GMT

#3

Keep thinking about how mean-spirited Yashahime feels with regards to treatment of Moroha. After this episode especially. There's not been anything like the brutality she experienced at the expense of her 'mentor' this episode.  Meanwhile Towa gets a cushy upbringing with Moroha’s family, and Setsuna seems to be pretty okay as well. 

(read more at the link. I'm not subjecting you all to Yashahime posts again.)

510 notes • Posted 2021-01-25 06:21:36 GMT

#2

💕Like a bridge over troubled water💕

Victuuri pair skate commission from @sheepskeleton-art on tumblr. Shared with permission. Thank you so much for taking your time to create this gorgeous piece. ♥️♥️

(Inspiration is Sui/Han’s Bridge Over Troubled Water free skate, specifically the moment around the middle of this video.)

I imagine this as the exhibition they do together at Victor's last competition before he retires. I posted it (and babbled more about it) on twitter here.

681 notes • Posted 2021-05-25 08:16:00 GMT

#1

Everyone stop and look what YOI animation director Noriko Ito gifted us with today

She said she was semi-inspired by Stephane and Shoma's interactions at NHK trophy [ 1 ] [ 2 ], which she attended.

737 notes • Posted 2021-11-30 04:01:32 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[pluviophile-bookworm]

HSMTMTS 2x9: so dreaded, so exciting, 'Sword!' (yeah, I went there, I've been thinking about this scene - you know the one - since yesterday for some reason)

After two computer malfunctions and a very tough, very sleepless night, here I am with a third attempt to write this post. The universe is against me today. Is Mercury in retrograde or something? Ugh, I just want to get this over with already. And I haven't even managed to see half the episode yet. You better like this cursed post because it's taken me two hours at this point, and will probably take another to finish - and that is if nothing goes wrong this time. Please bear with me. This is my reaction to HSMTMTS 2x9, take 3. Let's hope and pray it's the last one.

I'm normally [unpopular opinion alert] a very spoiler-positive person (it's the combination of anxiety and ADHD and a bunch of other stuff, I suppose), but for this one I've been refraining from looking at the tag all morning, so by now I'm simply bursting with impatience. But before we dive in, I need to get some stuff off my chest.

Some pre-watch thoughts and feelings (let's see how well they will have aged by the end of the episode):

Seriously, what is with whoever writes this show? I know it's impossible, but I feel like they've been toying with my emotions specifically all season. Like:

Ah, so you were a Rini shipper last season? Great, now we'll make them obnoxious and borderline toxic to the point where you actually want them to break up, but then their old chemistry will be back just for the breakup scene so that you can cry your eyes out over the one couple you couldn't stand - even though you can't seem to relate to a single song from Sour, we'll make you feel like you do for a hot second. At least it will remind you that you loved Ricky.

So you say Redlyn own your heart and soul? Great, we'll make you dread something going wrong with them for a week straight, and mess up your sleep schedule beyond repair over it. You're welcome!

We heard you said Rodfini give you life? Perfect, how about a big Seblos fight? And would you like a side of questioning your choice to stan Carlos with that? Because what is life without a little anxiety, a bit of doubt of your ability to read people, and a pinch of existential dread, right?

Ah, so you claimed not to ship Portwell romantically, is that right? Brilliant, we'll make you ship them and then we'll use that to torture you, too.

You've been excited about ABF and Asher Angel guest-starring ever since they were announced? Magnificent! We'll make you hate ABF's character to the point where you can't even look at him, and we'll make you call him names you thought yourself incapable of uttering. And as for Asher, you'll be left waiting for him until the last third of the season, and then you'll dread the possibility of hating his character, too. Do you love us yet?

Oof! Right then, I've got that out of my system. Time to dive in.

Miss Jenn playing around with the backgrounds is, like, 90% of the people who had online school this year, and honestly, I love that for her.

Wait, why is Nini first on this call? Are they going through with the Rose thing? Cos like, the song is nice and all (and, might I add, much more to my taste than nearly all of Sour, don't @ me), but if they use it, it will get them disqualified. They’ve been told that! Gosh, please let me be wrong about this.

We get it, Carlito, rich and fancy and over-the-top is kind of your thing, but have you stopped for a second to think about how others will feel about this? Especially Seb, whom you claim to care about. Seriously, though, I love Carlos and would not hesitate to die for him, but I’m getting the feeling that, unlike my other favourite (you know the one), he wouldn’t do the same for me. Oh well, he’ll figure it out. He’s just a kid. Give him time.

Wait, Milky White? Is that an Into the Woods reference I smell? Cool! If I had a cow, I’d totally name her Milky White (or Gertrude, but don’t ask me why). I just hope they don’t have to, like, take her to the market and exchange her for magic beans, if you catch my drift.

Ahhhhh, Caswell cousins content! We love to see it!

‘You guys are watching, like, old old movies’ WTH, Nini (or is it Nina)? Scary Movie is literally younger than me. But what do you know about it, you 21st-century baby! Ugh, I don’t know why I’m being so hostile today... must be the lack of sleep. Hope it doesn’t influence my reactions to the episode so dramatically as to make me forget how much I love this series. Because I do.

Yay! Big Red is here! I can finally smile. And did Ash just say they’re soulmates? Because yes they are! Ahhh my heart is going to explode.

‘Nini, have you heard from [Ricky]?’ Yikes, awkward... but of course, Big Red can be counted on to save the day here, too.

Ok, so that was a cool cold open. Time for some nice in-person scenes, though. I did not spend all of three semesters doing online school just to have the characters of my favourite series do the same.

Wow, Gina is really embracing that French accent thing! And I really don’t want to think about, erm, ‘Napoleon over here’ right now, but I really think the fact that she’s doing it better than him will be another piece of evidence towards my theory of fake-French!Antoine... ugh, I said his name. Oh well. Back to Gina. Too bad the French thing didn’t work out for her.

Ahhhh, Portwell with Ash in the background! And Ash is going to paint EJ’s nails! I feel like he’s going to end up loving that, despite what he says right now. But seriously, I just love how comfortable these two are with each other. Can you blame me now for shipping them as friends? Well, I mean, it’s obvious they will be more than friends, and somehow, despite the amatonormativity of it all, I’m here for it.

Wait, was that Asher? That was Asher, I’m 100% sure of it. And Gina said ‘a sign’ and then looked at him, even from the back... what am I supposed to think and feel here? I’m confused. Moving on.

Ahh, poor Ricky being a burrito... good thing that breakup scene last time reminded me that I love him, because the entirety of the season before that was very good at making me forget that.

Wait, did she say ‘the Bean’? As in, that Bean? The infamous Bean? LOL.

‘So the only time you two talk to each other is to gossip about me’ Boy, did I feel that. I once got my hands on my dad’s mobile and I... kind of went through his texts with mum. Yep, all about me and my brother. At this point I feel like they’re only together because of us. But this is getting too personal. I’m here about the episode, not to rant about my family. Moving on.

Yikes, looks like Nini’s got writer’s block all over again. Am I supposed to feel sorry for her? Because I kind of don’t. I mean, no hate towards her, none at all, but that entire scene just felt awkward and unnecessary. And not just because it’s her first time going live. That I can understand. What I don’t understand is why the writers can’t seem to do anything creative and interesting with Nini. Olivia is being wasted there. Idk, that’s just how I feel. Again, no hate.

Ahhhhh it’s Asher! And well, he’s not Jonah, but I kind of really like him as Jack. I wonder if that will last.

So is it just me, or is anyone else not quite sure how to feel about Ricky’s mum? I mean, their interactions seem kind of awkward and strained, but that’s how it’s supposed to be given their recent history, and yet something just doesn’t sit quite right with me.

‘You there, Muse? It’s me, Nini!’ Ah, so it’s Nini again? I didn’t get the memo. Gosh, this episode is kind of really underwhelming. The most exciting thing so far (but not nearly as exciting in practice as it was in theory) – Asher and Sofia’s on-screen reunion. The second most exciting thing? The thought of Ash painting EJ’s nails. Everything else? Kind of ‘whatever’. Is this what I tossed and turned about all night? Totally not worth it. This episode better get, like, 300% better right this instant. It’s just not worth all the frustration and excitement and dread so far.

Looks like my prayers from just now have been heard! That improv scene was hilarious! Guess it was lucky that Miss Jenn had them do improv before this moment. But I need to know more of Jack’s backstory now.

Ok, so that was awkward! So Kourtney is talking to Howie again, I guess. And I guess I know now what Carlos did that was all public and no subtle. Still, what’s wrong with posting photos from your holiday? Guess I don’t exactly know yet what Carlos did to piss the others off so much.

Great, now I’m tempted to google butterfly faces. Good thing I’m not eating anymore. *** Ughhhhh this was a mistake! Please don’t ever look a butterfly in the face if you want to stay sane. Don’t be like me.

Ahhh the Duke sweater! ‘Is that your boyfriend’s?’ Well, not quite yet, it’s not... *screams in Portwell*

Oh, now we’re talking! But seriously, Ricky? The ‘my friends think’ card? Why don’t you just say ‘I think’? It’s clearly something you’ve thought about a lot. I feel like I’m going to love this scene or cry over it or both.

Ooh, therapy. It’s not just... basically the entire fandom... who says it now. Please tell me that means Ricky will be going to therapy at some point. Says the girl who is currently firmly refusing to go to therapy in favour of hyperfixating on HSMTMTS and getting back into the good old practice of having imaginary friends... yeah, I’m one to talk.

My, my, my! Seb has really had it now. I mean, it was about time, but... not quite like this. My heart is starting to do some weird stuff, I can feel it. I might need to lie down.

Ok, so as much as I envy North High for getting to see so many shows on BWay – basically living out my dream – stalking East High on Instagram and being shady about them taking a well-deserved break... just goes beyond all limits. I mean, if you’re so into Broadway shows, you should know as well as I do what happened the last time a certain founding father did not take a break. Maybe you’re the ones in need of a break here.

Nini on the call with the Caswell cousins, though... ‘I’m obsessed with both of you’ – first relatable thing she’s said or done all season. And EJ playing with old toys is pure gold.

Oh, so Jack’s dad is a pilot. Makes sense, I guess. I’m kind of intrigued by this guy. Just as long as he doesn’t try to come between Portwell before they’ve had the chance to happen, you know...

Ashlyn might need to stop swooning over Nini’s songwriting or Big Red might get jealous... I mean, I would not have pinned him as the jealous type before 2x7, but ever since then... I guess insecure + dating a girl like Ash = the jealous type. And although that looks good on him, I’d bet anything it doesn’t feel particularly pleasant on his side. So... wait, why am I talking about Big Red? He hasn’t even got anything to do with the scene at hand. But then again, there’s been so little Big Red content in this episode that I seem to be trying to make up for it. Still. Stay focused.

Ooh, so Big Red did edit that video! Is there anything my boy can’t do? Ok, now I feel like he’s even more criminally underappreciated than he was before. But let’s look at the video. I’m curious to see the whole thing because that sneak peek from yesterday simply hasn’t been enough.

That was... really, really cool! I love how they took the ‘when they go low, we go high’ line from last time and run with it. Now if only they were putting as much effort into BATB... North High wouldn’t know what hit them.

Hmmmm... I guess Gina and Jack could be what I originally wanted Portwell to be... really cool friends. Unless it’s one of those ‘airport magic’ things. Oh well. It probably is. Was that all we’re seeing of Asher here? I did not wait 2/3 of the season for this. Though it was nice.

Ooh, Ricky’s solo song... why is there more Rini chemistry in this song than there was in all the season? Not counting the breakup scene, of course. Also, I feel like it’s just as much about him and his mum as it is about Nini. Some say music is the best therapy. I think they might be right. And no, I’m not crying. You are.

The granola bar, though... this episode might have been very underwhelming in the first half, but... it delivered in the Portwell front, and the music was *chef’s kiss*, so I’m willing to let it slide that the advertised Seblos ‘big fight’ was not touched upon nearly enough. Maybe next week...

Ok, now that we’re done watching the episode, let’s see how my feelings from the beginning have aged:

The Rini breakup: apparently, along with reminding me that I love Ricky, it has rendered me unable to look at Nini. What’s up with that? If this is some sort of tactic along the lines of ‘Olivia might be leaving the show so we’re making you hate her character so that you won’t miss her’, it’s not really working. Because I don’t want to hate Nini. Believe me, I don’t.

Redlyn: ok, so there’s nothing wrong with them whatsoever - we even got a ‘soulmates’, which I loved - but first they’re being swept under the rug, and then the antis come at us with that ‘their relationship is underdeveloped’ nonsense. Individually, though, I liked them in this episode (even if there was a significant shortage of Big Red), and Ashlyn collaborating with Nini again was cool, but... what I really wanted to see was her painting EJ’s nails. Did she even get the chance to actually do it? Maybe next week.

Seblos: I’m still failing to understand exactly what Seb thinks Carlos did wrong (please enlighten me if you did catch that, I’m kind of slow), but he (Seb) does have reasons to be mad at him (Carlos)... and at other people, too. Still, if you want to have a fight between two people in a relationship, you could do much better than whatever this episode was. Maybe next week. I notice I’m saying that a lot. Guess I’m putting a lot of hopes on 2x10. I just pray it doesn’t disappoint.

Portwell: boy, am I happy that my frustration on this front did not age well! What I mean is, apparently they’ve decided to bless us, not torture us for once. Even a rather disappointing episode like this one had to have some sort of silver lining. And Portwell is it.

Asher as Jack: well, luckily I didn’t hate him, but... it’s kind of the opposite problem. I loved him and now they’re taking him away from me. Guess I just can’t win here. Oh well. At least he didn’t have the screen time to get in between Portwell...

All in all: 2x10, my hopes and prayers are with you!

[hufflepuffish-halfblood]

Highlights of my week:

(Don’t be fooled, this isn’t a happy post. It’s kind of like a rant? Don’t know what to call this. Just scroll past it and you’ll feel better)

- Getting a B on a test (I’ve always been an all A student but my grades have been awful so far this year cause my mental health is awful)

- Getting invites to an event I don’t want to go to (two thirds of the time that I’m around my current friend group they’re planning events that I’m not invited to, it felt nice to be at least invited to something)

- Semi-successfully crying (this happened just recently, Friday night. I’ve been trying to cry all week because holding back tears is super uncomfortable but I’m always either on a situation in which I can’t cry or I’m allowed to cry but I can’t get the tears out. I managed to have a mental breakdown big enough that I actually could cry today, which is an accomplishment. I say semi-successfully because I choked and I’m still in pain because of that, but I don’t really care. The tears are out, finally)

With the contexts, it makes sense that these things would be the highlights of my week. I just realized how deeply sad it is to think about them without context: “the highlights of my week are: not getting an A, being invited to something I don’t wanna go to, and almost succeeding in crying”. I don’t really know how to end this post. I just needed to get this out, this is more of a thing for me than for you guys. So yeah, this is the post, sorry. If you actuallyread it say “Yikes.” becuase I’m genuinely curious if anyone is going to read this despite me saying in the beginning it’d be better for you not to. Take care of yourself, why are you reading stuff that won’t improve your life in any way? It’s not entertaining, it’s not important, it’s not inspiring, it’s not educational, it’s not necessary. Why are you reading this??

Anywaaaaaaaays, bye! Don’t know how to end this! Have a nice octopus!

[jonahswife]

022819

Jonah Clemence Warm Up Fic (929 words) Established Relationship / Modern AU

The first thing you notice about him is how he has a reminder for everything. His phone? Cluttered. Luka’s birthday has four alerts spanning a whole week before it actually comes up, it’d be sweet if it weren’t Jonah’s phone. The screen is kept in perfect condition, not a single air pocket on the screen cover- when you swipe at it the smudge feels out of place against the perfect cleanliness of the whole thing.  You stretch your feet out as you skim through his calendar.

“Why do you have so many alerts for birthdays?” Jonah turns at you from his spot at his desk- currently covered in paperwork and a single plate of half eaten mini cakes you’d brought.

“I can’t miss a single one.” Jonah admits, picking up another small strawberry tart and takes a bite. You hum, and tab out of his calendar to open the browser. The first thing that opens up is an old Yahoo answers of how much sugar you can feed to a hamster. Cute, but a little bit worrying- you eye Pine from the corner of your eye and smile when she starts borrowing. There are fifty more tabs open, you realize when you go to open a new one- most of them a collection of designers far too expensive for your wallet, a glance at one as it refreshes reveals a jacket that’s a fair bit over a thousand dollars too expensive, yikes.

“How many jackets are you even looking at?” Jonah shakes his head and scoffs, clearly annoyed but not really saying no.

“Are you just going through my whole phone?” He questions, and you smile and shrug, lowering your hands and sitting up.

“I need something to do while you’re swamped with impromptu work from the boss.” Jonah gives something like a sigh.

“Don’t remind me.” Jonah shuffles another paper to the side and replaces it with a new one. “I thought I’d finally get time off.”

“Jonah? Not being excited about work? The world must be ending.” You’re on the third tab now, and something curious peaks out from the back- plane tickets? It’s something you vaguely remember talking about; the two of you going home to see your family (you miss your brothers and sisters more than anything, really) and it’s all but left your mind. Neither you nor Jonah have caught a break from work these days, even today he was given more work right before the two of you had left for a dinner date (it’s a bit disappointing but you’re proud he cares so much about it.) Part of you wants to ask what this is for, but the part of you that knows Jonah knows he’s going to have a tantrum if you ask, so you bite your lip and open a new tab instead.

“It’s not that I’m not excited!” Jonah starts, “I was just hoping we could spend the evening together, we rarely have time anymore.” You glance up with a smile, he can’t see it but what if the rumor of him having eyes in the back of his head is true? Scooting off the bed you adjust your tights and walk over to his desk. Jonah straightens in surprise when you wrap your armors around him tightly and lay your head on his shoulder.

“I was too,” you mumble, “but we can go out some other time, yeah?” Jonah doesn’t look convinced- in fact he looks practically offended that you’re not as upset as he is (but this isn’t really a big issue to you.) “And I’ll invite Luka.”

“Good luck trying to get him to come.” Jonah mumbles- and you know the words hurt him more than he’ll let on, he genuinely loves Luka. 

“Oh he’ll come,” you squeeze him just a tad bit so he doesn’t end up fussing over wrinkles in his clothes, “I’ll make sure he does, maybe I’ll even Luka-nap him and call it an important mission.”

“You will not.” Jonah shifts so fast you’re forced to remove your head from his shoulder and you giggle when he shoots you a glare. “Don’t make me have to watch you too.”

“Oh wouldn’t that be lovely.” You tease and he flushes immediately, stuttering something about that not being what he meant and you just detach yourself from him entirely and place his phone on one of the small empty spaces on his desk.

“You’re absolutely frustrating.” Jonah comments, hand on his hip- fire in his eyes (that’s the way he looks nicest, you think.) “I’m going to have to get Edgar to stop teaching you his ugly ways.”

“That’d only make Edgar try it more often!” You laugh and Jonah laughs too, much better. You have your hand on the door when you turn back to Jonah. “Don’t sleep late, okay?”

“I’d never sacrifice my beauty like that!” Jonah puts a hand over his heart like you’ve just insulted his whole family, and you grin. 

“Goodnight Jonah.”

“Not a kiss goodnight?” Jonah turns and faces you as you slowly start closing the door.

“You can get a kiss goodnight from Pine after your work is done!” Quickly, you close the door as you hear him start up a rant of his and pull out your phone and pull up Luka’s contact as you speed walk away.

‘hey, you down for dinner next week?’

‘If Jonah is going to be there, no.’

‘i’ll buy you the cat shaped pan set you’ve been wanting’

‘…. Tell no one.’

‘see you next week at 8! :)’

Perfect.

[peeblesplays]

Y’all still bash Sakura in 2018???

So I randomly hopped on twitter today and just started scrolling my timeline when I came across a post that called Sakura a bad character, using manga screenshots to back up the claim. And I was put off for a few reasons, hence why I took to tumblr. (Twitter won’t give me enough characters, yikes.)

First off, Naruto has been finished for how long and people still take time out of their day to bash Sakura. That makes zero sense to me. Like...you really have nothing better to do? At this point, it’s just being done for likes and retweets because the vast majority of the Naruto Fandom hate Sakura for bad things she did in part 1 and ignore the character development she went through in both part 1 and 2. Some try to justify it with evidence from the series but come on, just say you hate Sakura and go.

Now we’re on to exhibit A and B, evidence for Sakura being the bad character that she is. Mind you these are from the third chapter. Imagine calling someone a bad character and using scenes from the beginning of the series to defend your point. That’s like looking at an athlete’s rookie stats and calling them a bad player.

Then literally two pages later, we get this.

Could this be? Character development?! Honestly, it’s right there! It’s painful how obvious Sakura’s development is and how people will hate her no matter what you say or what evidence you have against claims that’s she’s a bad character. Now this isn’t me saying I particularly stan Sakura, this is more pointing out the blatant, baseless hate the fandom spews on her. You can’t call someone a bad character just because you hate them.

Like for me, I have a love/hate relationship with Sasuke because of all the bad shit he did in both parts. Does that mean I hate him? Not at all. But a lot of fans will stan the fuck out of Sasuke but hold Sakura to a totally different standard development wise. (Don't mistake me comparing Sakura to Sasuke in terms of power or anything like that. That's like comparing apples to oranges.)

Sakura bad mouths and hits Naruto constantly, right? Let’s look at Sasuke. On multiple occasions, he’s tried to kill Naruto, Sakura, Kakashi, and other members of the team. He attempted to slaughter the five kage while they were still under infinite tsukiyomi, and was very hellbent on destroying konoha even after he got closure with Itachi. He almost killed Karin in fact, I’m pretty sure she’d be dead if not for a certain someone.

BUT SAKURA IS A BAD PERSON???

Sakura, who despite rejecting Rock Lee’s advances, cheered him on during the chuunin exams and visited him multiple times when he was in the hospital.

Sakura, who despite her bad treatment of Naruto early on, cheered and encouraged him during his matches and continued being a support system even after Sasuke defected.

Sakura, who probably sat by Sasuke’s hospital bad after his run in with Itachi everyday until Tsunade arrived.

Sakura who was the only one to really nurture and support Naruto being with Hinata, who pushed Hinata to be more confident, who opened up Naruto’s eyes to see Hinata at last.

Sakura who physically pumped Naruto’s heart with her bare hand to keep him alive.

...she’s a bad character???? A bad person???

Did we watch the same series? Again, just say you hate her and go because any ‘evidence’ you bring to support her being a bad character just won’t make sense in light of her development and the good things she’s done.

Rant. Over.

[queenofmahishmati]

Hi Sharme!! Hope you're well and finally got to sleep 💖💖💖💖 For the ask thingy - 1 - 20 please 😄💐💖💝 xxx

Awww thank you so much Neha 💕 indeed, I’m finally home, took a little nap and here I am. Also hoping to catch on my sleep all through the weekend xoxo

And guys, brace yourself. Playing 20 questions is going to be long here lol…

Ask game ⇢

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

I have more milk than cereal because I looove to drink up the cereal flavoured milk after. Imma Dork yeah.

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

On my cheek… maybe?? On my nose— definitely no. So I wrap up my scarf extra tight around my face on cold winter mornings. 

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

LOL, I just glanced at the two books on my side table right now and one has my comb in it and the other has my nail filer as bookmarks. I usually use my flight tickets cause I have a lot of them.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

Only tea. No coffee ((except pumpkin spice lattes)). I take my tea with milk, one spoon full of brown sugar and a pinch of homemade spice mix for tea. Masala tea, anyone?!

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

Nope. But if a picture is being clicked somewhere, then heck yes. 

6: do you keep plants?

I kill my plants. But I try. I swear I try.

(( rest under cut lovely people ))

7: do you name your plants?

I tend not to cause I don’t wanna feel like I murdered my own babies. But they are not really babies cause tiny humans keep making noise and I’d know its time to feed them unlike the silent plant beings. Last week though, I bought this tiny string of pearls in a cute lil pumpkin pot and I have named him dobby. I love string pearls okay, and after my tag rant on a particular hp post yesterday, I named him dobby today.

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

I can always rant to my friends. But I write it all out mostly. I have three different journals for a reason and a regular diary to scribble everything else in.

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

I hum to myself at times. Not a great singer here with my screechy voice, excuse me.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

I sleep on my side, I curl up on myself with a pillow for my feet and on my sides. No pillow for my head though, I have a sensitive neck.

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

My… name. Yes, my name is a running joke in my friends’ circle.

12: what’s your favorite planet?

You kidding me?? Its Earth. Until they find an equally awesome planet to live in, Earth would be my favourite.

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

My mum sending me random pictures of every little thing she’s packing up in my diwali care package. I can’t wait to get my hands on it!!

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

If you consider Edinburgh a big city, I have already lived that scenario with my best friend in a charming old flat right in the middle of the city. And I loved every minute of it. Wish I could go back to those simpler times. My entire adult life, like ever since I was 17 I have lived only with friends. 

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

Unlike Earth’s cool as a cucumber Moon, other planets in the solar system have a hell lot of weird moons is what I learnt from my latest google search. Like take Saturn for example, one moon has a dark and light face like some jedi/sith war for generations, other has liquid on its surface but that liquid is not water, and the spectacular rings around the planet could be from a smashed moon. Jupiter has a moon that has volcanoes exploding all over it like hellfire. Uranus has a very broken looking moon that could still be crumbling until the next time we get a good picture of it. And lets not forget about all the weird storms that have been raging on Jupiter and Saturn for centuries, yes for Centuries. Yikes!! Also, did you know there’s this massive black hole coming for us at a speed of 5 million miles?? But its still 8 billion light years away. I’m not good at math but I’m guessing its gonna take another million years before it reaches us?? I may look upon the stars fondly and even love them, but the unending darkness in the outer space TERRIFIES me.

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

Eaaaasyyy. Lasagna. I love me some meat lasagna. I don’t have the patience to make one though.

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

I already answered this. I’d love to have a deep dark red ombre effect going on in my hair.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

One dumbest thing I did was write my own name as Shareme, in a test paper nonetheless cause I was extremely sleepy that day. My professor called that out specifically when he gave back the graded papers and ever since that day, my name is a running joke for everyone. A funny thing, there is this one group picture from our various trips where I have my eyes obviously stuck on my crush (long past) and of course my friend who clicked it posted it on social media and EVERYONE had something to say about it…ughhhh. It’s still embarrassing to think about that picture. 

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

I keep three journals and one diary. I write all happy memories in one, sad emotional stuff in the other, and things for future in the third one. My diary is for jotting down story ideas, doodling or plain ass scribbling from top of a page to the very bottom. 

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

Brown. Period. Other eye colours are cool to look at and I at times find them beautiful too. But I love brown eyes. It’s familiar. It’s comfort. It’s home. 

[eatpotatobepotato]

Today was my last day of school! This is gonna be a bit of a rant. Yikes...

I passed tenth grade with all A’s!

For the first time in my life, I’ve gotten straight A’s!

I’ve never felt so academically accomplished in my entire life, holy shit.

Real talk for a sec? A very significant chunk of my self-esteem relies on me feeling decently intelligent.

I wouldn’t say that this boosts my confidence, while I am very proud of myself, I feel more like I’ve achieved a goal that I’d set for myself a long time ago after forgetting about it.

I feel like a doctor had told me that my child was going to die, but instead the child survived and prospered. I don’t know if that makes much sense.

The point is: It seemed hopeless. But things got better. Within a year, I went from a D and C student, to B’s and A’s.

It’s honestly solely because I finally spoke up about my mother’s abuse and neglect. I was put into a foster home for about three months. I was provided a safe and stable home environment. My grades improved steadily from there.

I wasn’t happy there, though. My foster mom made feel like everything I did was wrong and I needed to be fixed. She had an old school way of thinking, basically.

She was required by the county to buy me new clothes, because I didn’t have a lot. But she told me that she wasn’t going to get me anything if I was only going to pick t-shirts and jeans. Every single day she would try to pressure me to dress more feminine. I literally have been struggling with suicidal depression and crippling anxiety since I was nine. I can’t just put on a skirt and feel pretty. Sometimes I feel like dressing up, and even then it’s very rare. Even then, I don’t really like wearing dresses or skirts. Normally just skinny jeans, a cute form fitting shirt, put my hair up, maybe some jewelry and lip-balm(I don’t like lip-gloss it feels weird). 

So it’s important to leave me the fuck alone and let me wear what I’m comfortable with. I feel safer and happier in funny t-shirts, baggy jeans, and hoodies that are too big for me. I’m happy with my wardrobe in general, honestly. It’s me. I like it, and I like how I look. Sometimes I’ll doll myself up, but only when I feel like it.

I wasn’t allowed to watch TV because I only watched cartoons and cartoons are for boys. My foster mom was always trying to make me more feminine. She honestly felt like she had to fix me. She always seemed tired of dealing with me. I’ve never done anything to make her think so little of me. I get home, the first thing I do is feed her four animals. Then I do my homework. Then I do the dishes. With literally nothing else to do, I’d play on my phone and wait for her to get home, because I wasn’t allowed to watch TV. I bring home every graded paper I get, all of them decent grades. I bring my report cards, all of them decent. I do everything she asks me. Everything within reason, that didn’t involve hurting my mentality. I’d help with the laundry. I’d do the dishes. I’d clean around the house. I’d walk the dogs. I’d clean the litter boxes. I’d help out with the garden. I’d refill her bird feeder. I’d toss nuts into the yard for the squirrels. I’d feed the stray cats that show up in the garage. A lot of the time, I’d do do things without being asked, just to please her. Nothing was good enough, because she didn’t like how distant I was, or how I dressed, or the kinds of shows I watched. She wouldn’t even watch them. She’d see a cartoon and get upset. She doesn’t know the names of any of the shows I watch or what they’re about. She’s just so fucking judgmental. “That cartoon is for boys. Besides, you’re almost sixteen, you shouldn’t be watching cartoons anyway.” I was watching Gravity Falls at the time.

I did everything she asked of me and then some, without a single complaint, because I learned in my previous home that just doing what your told makes life easier. 

I wasn’t allowed to stay in my own room for more than ten minutes. She said I was anti-social. That’s not true. I have friends that I love like family. I hang out with them after school when I can. We go to McDonald’s, to the mall, to the movies, to the park, to each other’s houses, we even have sleep overs. But I wasn’t allowed to hang out with them because the state needs to know where I am at all times and my foster mom didn’t trust my friends because she doesn’t know them. I’ve tried to explain to her that I’m not anti-social, I’m just adjusting to the new environment and I need my alone time every once in a while. She said that she’d never had to deal with an introvert before. Never had to deal with an introvert. Gee, I couldn’t tell. She does this, knowing full well that I had came straight from an abusive and neglectful home. She knows that I have depression and anxiety, or that I at least have PTSD, because she’s the one that finally signed me up for some fucking counseling.

I just really do not understand her logic. I’ve never done anything wrong to her, and gave her no reason to not trust me or dislike me as much as she does. I’m a good kid. I like to help people. I’m polite and respectful to my elders and authority figures. I’m quiet at school, I never start drama, I don’t get in trouble. I’m sort of a teacher’s pet, if I’m being completely honest. But that’s because they’re people with jobs just trying to feed their families, and kids are assholes to their teachers. For some reason, everyone at school knows me, but I only know my small group of friends.

What hurt the most, was realizing that my foster mom treated her pets better than she treats me. She treated them with more respect. She lit up when she spoke to them, fed them, or pet them, even when they were being annoying. I got jealous of a fucking dog. One day, foster mom’s grandson visited. You know what she said to him? “Don’t get attached to the foster kid. We don’t know how long she’ll be here.” She spoke about me as if I was an animal. And I was sitting nearby. She knew I was there. She knew I could hear her.

But even with all her bullshit, I was still grateful to her for taking me in, because she didn’t have to. It showed while I was in school, too. I’ve had every single one of my teachers comment on how I’ve been so much more focused and happy lately, and how much I’ve been improving.

While, yes, I was a lot peppier, I wasn’t really happy. Going to that foster home had lifted the weight of the world off my shoulders, and then dumped Pluto on me. While not nearly as heavy as Earth, it was still pretty damn heavy.

I toughed it out, though, because I was trying to be grateful. Three months in and my dad got custody of me. While there were some problems with my mom and stepdad afterwards, I was eventually completely free from them and their burdens, along with the foster mom. I’m happy here. Truly happy and content.

I hadn’t gotten anything higher than a C or an occasional -B on my report cards since third grade.

Now I have straight A’s.

Sorry to rant like that, but I really needed to get this out of my system.

[soft-black-teabag]

I AM AN HONEST SOUL i stayed away from i-land because i did not want to get emotionally invested and literally succeeded even until after the finale but IDNSJD I WAS BROWSING CHANNELS TODAY (A FAT CHANCE IN GENERAL BC I DONT USUALLY WATCH TV) AND WHAT CAME UP??? I-LAND FINALE I DONT EVEN KNOW THE BOYS LIKE OTHER EGGIES AND WHEN I TELL YOU I CRIED SJSNSJS I DONT EVEN CRI FOR STUFF LIKE THIS BUT THEY OWN MY HEART ALREADY

A friend of mine didn't watch iland, she knew about it only because I sent her a shit ton of angry vocal messages ranting about Mnet being racist and like she ended up watching the last episode without having watched the others and she cried so much so yeah, I believe you.

This is also why I know I can't watch it now, I'm in my soft mood, I'm emotionally weak, I need funny and fluffy things, keep the angst away from me.

But if you want to learn more about them/join the fandom you can ask without worrying, I mean, the most scary part ended.

Also I honestly wanted to do the same thing of you, i started watching iland like after the...idk...third episode? I'm not sure.

But at the start I didn't want to watch it because I know how much sensible I am and I tend to empathize kinda too much and like, I usually am shitty at prioritizing myself but I thought "I am not dumb enough to start this survival knowing that it will make me feel sick".

But yikes, I saw something on tumblr and it made me watch iland and here we are.

But it also bought me this beautiful small family I have, making tumblr my small safe heaven so it was worth it.

So now I'll take a deep breathe and stop ranting to you.

Sorry.

I kinda get out of hands while talking of something I really care about.

Just like when I start talking about my dear egglings💞💞

Okay, enough cheesy, ily baby, hope you won't feel to bad for that last episode

[wannawrite]

Jealously Got The Best Of Me

Wanna One’s Park Jihoon X Female Reader

 Fluff, angst 

 TW: use of explicit language

 Word count: 2571 

 • jealous! Park Jihoon

 • boyfriend! Park Jihoon

 • ft. innocent, in love best friend Kang Daniel  

• ft. created character, Taerim 

 omfg why is it always Daniel 😂 love him. Fun fact: Jihoon and I share the same birthday 🎉

 __________ 

 "Hi Daniel oppa!“ You greeted warmly, dropping your backpack on the studio floor, it landed with a loud thud. 

 Daniel smiled and stretched his arms out for a hug as the two of you were close. "Where’s Jihoon? He’s on his way isn’t he?”

You nodded, blushing slightly at the mention of your boyfriend. “Y-yes. He’s running a bit late though,” you replied.

 Daniel smirked at the sight of your reddening cheeks, he poked the side of your face gently. “Ahhh, I see. Thinking about your boyfriend all the time now. Don’t forget about us,” he said, referring to the rest of the Wanna One boys.

 You were the daughter of one of the producers here so naturally, you and your dad worked closely with the boys and since they weren’t too far in age, became your close friends.

 Today, you promised Jihoon you’d work on his choreography with Daniel’s guidance.

 You thought back to that moment, when Jihoon asked you out on a date. 

 It was already evening to begin with and the night only dragged on in the studio. The whole crew was exhausted and drained but they still worked hard on their song. 

 You, being a gracious daughter and good friend, offered to run down to the nearby convenience store for cup ramen and snacks. Jaewhan offered to go with but it was Jihoon who met you at the door after grabbing your jackets. It was a pleasant surprise, you just hoped that he wouldn’t do anything to deepen your crush on him. The cold air stung your face but that was not the reason why it was red.

 As the two of you were walking back - Jihoon already ripping open a packet of chips - he confessed that he liked you a lot and asked you on a date that Saturday. Shocked was an understatement so in a jumbled mess, you managed to confess as well and agreed.

 That was only two months ago. 

Daniel was one of the first to know about your relationship, it was kept in the dark from your dad and their manager…for now. 

The door swung open, causing your flashback to end and Daniel to look up from setting up the AUX cord.

“Jihoon!” you shrieked excitedly and bolted into his arms. 

Your boyfriend laughed and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Ahh, I missed you too jagi. You look gorgeous today,” he flattered, securing his hold on you. His grip on you seemed tighter than usual but you let it slide. 

Maybe it was because Daniel was around…..No Y/N, don’t let your thoughts wander.

“I’d hate to break up the reunion but we really need to start soon. Okay?” Daniel walked over and traded hugs with Jihoon. 

You winked at Jihoon. “Are you ready?”

“To win a dance battle? Yes,” he teased causing the three of you to burst out laughing.

 …

“No, no. Hang on a second Y/N, Jihoon will show you,” Daniel instructed. “You need to move your right leg more to the back…yeah that’s it.”

 You looked back at your talented and hard working boyfriend covered in sweat and was taking a short break while his hyung bossed you around. 

“Yah! Oppa, don’t be so hard on me,” you whined. “I was never meant for this!”

Jihoon chuckled and walked over to ruffle your hair playfully. “C'mon Y/N! I know you can do it babe,” he encouraged.

“Yes! Believe in yourself! Let’s take a break though. I think Jinyoung might be looking for us.” Daniel collapsed on the floor, his hair damp with sweat. 

“Um, I’m going to…get a drink yeah,” Jihoon awkwardly stammered out before leaving. He was gone for quite awhile. 

You turned to Daniel. “Oppa, can you help me with a dance? I want to show Jihoon I can do something.”

Daniel’s shut eyes flew open, he shot you a puzzled look. “He’s proud to have you as a girlfriend anyways, but…sure. Why not? What dance do you want to do?” he replied. 

You shot up from lying on the cold ground. 

“Really?”

You showed Daniel a video of one of your fellow trainee friend dancing and you swore she was going to be debuting soon. She was around Daniel’s age too.

“Isn’t this…” he didn’t know her name. But you knew both of them had bumped into each other before. 

“Taerim unnie? Yes, it is. I think she’s preparing to debut soon. Why? Are you interested?” you teased, laughing at how red Daniel’s ears became despite his denial.

He sighed. “Okay, if I teach you this dance, you introduce me to Taerim. Deal?”

You nodded your head, grinning from ear to ear. “Deal!”

You launched yourself into Daniel’s arms, “I love you, oppa!”

He just laughed and shook his head in response. 

Suddenly, Jihoon flung the door open, causing the two of you to break apart immediately.

Yikes, you hoped he wouldn’t have taken that the wrong way. 

It appeared that luck was on your side today because Jihoon just grinned at you, it seemed like he wasn’t affected. 

“Let’s keep working until lunch. I think we’ll be done with this by then,” he suggested. “Unless…both of you are such awful dancers." 

Your jaw dropped but at the back of your mind, you agreed and his words stabbed your heart a little more than it should have. Your game face appeared anyway.

"Bring it on, Park Jihoon." 

 … 

 You met up with Daniel a few days later, all pumped and ready to work. He had already set up the studio and was waiting for you. You bumped into Daewhi and Jinyoung as they walked out of the dance studio just as you strolled towards it.

"Hello Y/N! How are you?” Daewhi asked then furrowed his eyebrows. “Jihoon isn’t here today, is he?" 

You giggled at Daewhi. "Hey boys, uhh…I don’t think Jihoon’s here but…I’m here to work on something with Daniel oppa." 

Jinyoung raised one of his perfectly plucked eyebrows. "Alone? Just the two of you?”

“Yah! Don’t be so rude. Y/N and Daniel are friends too, I’m sure Jihoon won’t mind,” Daewhi defended, smacking Jinyoung playfully on the shoulder. 

“Sorry Y/N. Please don’t be mad at me,” Jinyoung apologised, pouting sulkily when you glared at him.

“Ahh, it’s okay. Don’t worry Jinyoung, I’m not mad. I’ll see you boys later tonight, there’s a track to work on.” You waved goodbye to the two boys and entered the studio.

“Hey Y/N.”

“Hi oppa." 

”….Did you call Taerim yet?“ he asked in a soft voice. 

Your stomach hurt from all the giggling you had been doing. "Aww, oppa likes Taerim!" 

Daniel turned even more red and spun away to face the wall instead, burying his face in his hands.

"Not yet, but I will after this. In front of you so you know it’s real, okay? Now, let’s start working on the dance." 

 …

You stared at Daniel, who was pacing back and forth and stuttering incorrigibly. He seemed nervous…about a girl. "So, do I call her or not?” you asked, phone in hand and ready to call your good friend. It nearly slipped out of your sweaty palm, that’s how hard you were working. 

“N-no! Not yet! Please don’t!” Daniel begged, he was in hysterics. 

“Oppa, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this nervous over a girl. C'mon! Get a grip, you’re Kang Daniel. She’ll love you, believe me. Taerim unnie is single but I’m not sure she will be much longer. Believe in yourself,” you cheered. “I’m calling her now." 

So Daniel sat by your side and listened meekly.

"Hello? Y/N?”

“Taerim unnie! How are you?” You beamed at the sound of your friend’s voice. You could feel her smile through her words. 

“I’m good! Yourself? Where are you? Let’s go for coffee. It’s been so long,” she offered. “I have a short break before my vocal coaching today. We should go out." 

"Are you in the studio right now? Good. Come over to Dance Studio Three. There’s someone I want you to meet.”

Daniel looked you in the eye and mouthed ‘no’ repeatedly but Taerim was already on her way. He huffed. "I don’t know whether to kill you or thank you, Y/N.”

You smiled cheekily and batted your eyelashes. “You know you love me." 

"That I do." 

 … 

It was your third time meeting up with Daniel and unlike the other two times, you weren’t in high spirits. 

Why? 

Well, your boyfriend hadn’t been as…attentive to you. He hadn’t been replying your texts and answered your desperate calls with half-hearted, most likely scripted dialogue. He sat on the opposite side of the couch whenever the two of you were in the studio but that wasn’t particularly peculiar since your relationship was still kept a secret. Jihoon avoided almost all contact with you, he barely spoke to you in person even after your dad had left. He gave reluctant hugs and brushed you off whenever you tried to talk to him, reason being 'I’m sure you have the hyungs to talk to you, don’t bother me while I’m busy’. The rest of the boys had also acted cold towards you. 

You wanted to cry.

 It was upsetting and the only people you could confide in was Daniel or Taerim, you chose the latter and she suspected that Jihoon was jealous since you and Daniel was always together now that the two of you were working on a dance. He might’ve said something to impact the other boys negatively too, he probably ranted to them. 

"Hey, why so glum?” Daniel questioned and when you didn’t reply he continued. “Cat got your tongue?" 

At that, you managed to crack a small smile. You hoped his teammates hadn’t ostracised him too. 

"Are you and the boys okay?”

“Yeah… we should be. Everyone’s a little distant but it shouldn’t be anything I can’t fix." 

Taerim burst into the studio, her presence seemed to light up the somber mood.

And Daniel’s face.

Although he managed to utter about seven words to her the first time they met.

"Hi,” he said shyly. 

She blushed in reply. 

You stood up, made a lame excuse and bolted for the door. It was sweet to see a new relationship blossoming, while your own was in jeopardy. You entered your dad’s workroom to raid his secret snack stash but there were already people in there. 

Daewhi. Jinyoung. Guanlin. Woojin. Jihoon.

You ignored their gazes, grabbing a chocolate bar from the drawer. 

Your dad wasn’t around. Why were they here? 

You ripped open the candy, it split the deafening silence. Just as you were about to leave, Jihoon spoke up. 

“Y/N, let’s talk.”

 …

You trailed behind Jihoon, heart beating uncontrollably in your chest. Your hands paled and shook. You might not have a boyfriend at the end of this talk and the thought of that made you want to cry but you held on to your strong facade.

Jihoon opened the door to one of the Wanna One workrooms. He let it go behind him and it nearly slammed in your face. He lounged comfortably on the large, cushy chair in the room so you settled for the beanbag. Jihoon was never exactly direct with his feelings and it messed you up on occasion. But today, he didn’t beat around the bush. 

“Are you cheating on me?" 

What? 

You were hurt and confused by his sudden accusation, unable to form a coherent answer.

Jihoon gritted his teeth. "I knew it. I knew it! You’re with Daniel aren’t you? That brat!" 

"I’m not!” you snapped. “For goodness sake, Jihoon! Daniel is my best friend! You’re my boyfriend! I’m not cheating on you." 

"Well it sure doesn’t seem like it! You’re always with him, not me! You like him don’t you? Why don’t you break up with me and date him instead!” Jihoon spat, he leapt up from his chair and headed for the door but you caught his arm and to your surprise, he didn’t fight you off. 

“Jihoon, listen to me,” you choked back tears. “I’m not cheating on you. I would never do that! I thought you trusted me enough to believe me!”

He spun round to face you, your hand losing your grip on him. “Really? Then why are you always spending more time with him? I really didn’t want to believe Daewhi and Jinyoung when they said they always caught the two of you dancing, in very promising positions.” He held up his phone, a picture of Daniel holding your right arm and standing approximately thirty cm away from your face.

That would’ve ticked anyone off, you felt the guilt eat you alive. But Daniel didn’t like you like that, he liked Taerim. 

“It’s not what you think. I-I’m-” You couldn’t bring yourself to tell him the truth, it was embarrassing. He wouldn’t believe you anyways. 

Jihoon wrangled himself out of your hold and stepped back, he tugged his hoodie tighter over his head. “I knew it. I shouldn’t have trusted a whore like you. Go run to Daniel now. Go,” he snarled.

But you stood rooted to the ground, unable to comprehend what was happening, still, you refused to let the tears fall. 

“Even if you’re not moving on," 

Jihoon looked you in the eye.

"I am.”

… 

You felt someone wrap their arms around you from behind, you struggled against them. Your mind was fuzzy and you couldn’t see anything, your tears clouded your vision.

“Taerim, I don’t want to talk about it,” you muttered, burying your face further into one of Jihoon’s hoodies you stole without him notice. All you wanted to do the entire afternoon was cry your eyes out in your dad’s workroom, covered in Jihoon’s hoodie, you didn’t want anyone to disturb you. “Taerim, go away!”

“I’m so, so sorry Y/N." 

Jihoon! Out of all people! 

You scrambled away from him, refusing his advances. "Don’t touch me, I heard you hate whores,” you growled out. 

“I talked to Taerim noona and Daniel hyung. Y/N, it’s all my fault. I-I became jealous too easily. I should have trusted you,” he admitted, his head hung in shame. When you didn’t respond, he continued. “I-I thought you finally found someone better than me. Someone older than me. I-I became insecure…and doubtful…you-you deserve-b-better than…me." 

"Don’t say that,” Your words caught his attention, he looked up, cheeks were damp with tears. “Don’t beat yourself up about it. It isn’t your fault.” You coaxed. “I’m sorry too. I just wanted to do something so you’d be proud of me and…it’s stupid.”

Jihoon chuckled. “I can handle anything, if it’s from you.”

“I wanted you…to find a reason to genuinely like me more. Ugh!” You blushed, covering your face. 

Jihoon snuggled up to you again. “Ahh, jagi. You’re really too adorable. I like you for who you are but it was nice that you’d tried to do something I liked too. Thank you,” he cooed the said, “Wait, are we back together?”

 You pursed your lips and he pouted. “Yah! I’ll get on my knees and beg for you to take me back!" 

 Before he could, you leaned over and pecked his cheek, throwing your arms around his shoulders, smiling.

 "You dork, I wouldn’t want anyone else but you.”

[jooheonies]

A Taste of Heaven

Character(s): Reader X Minhyuk, Dasom getting married to jooyoung (?) idk

Genre: fluff, romance, friendstolovers!au, smut

Warning(s): sweet talk?

Length: 6.8k

Summary: In which Lee Minhyuk causes you way more stress than you ever signed up for.

You first meet Lee Minhyuk in kindergarten, halfway through the year. He seems pretty nice upon first glance, smile a little too creepy but hey, it’s kindergarten. You figure he’s probably been sniffing too much Elmer’s glue or maybe he ate one of the plastic eggs from the housekeeping play section. All things aside, he’s still pretty nice. He has a rock collection and one of them is named Casserole which is coincidentally your favorite food and you have a pet leaf you’ve named Goat which makes Minhyuk giggle.

“Goat is a weird name,” he tells you between barely hidden snickers, fat fingers coming to cover his mouth as you both run to the slide on fumbling legs.

“Yeah, well, Casserole is a yummy food but rocks aren’t yummy. I would know. I tried eating one last year and mommy cried and took me to the doctor,” you inform him expertly as you climb the ladder up to the slide.

You beat him up the slide and a whoop leaves your mouth as you slide down, but Minhyuk’s smile is long gone when he lands on the wood chips behind you softly. His face scrunches up, reddening, and snot leaks from his nose as he blubbers something about ‘mean girls who are mean’ and runs away from you.

You don’t really care because he made fun of Goat’s name and what kind of person does that, honestly, but a little guilty feeling settles into your stomach when you see him sniffling during lunch, poking at his chicken nuggets.

So right after school ends, you go out front and pick him the prettiest rock from the playground, stumbling back on your little legs.

“Here,” you pant, dropping the rock on Minhyuk’s desk and bending over to hold your knees. “I got him for you. His name is Bleach because mommy yelled at me one time when i picked up a bottle and tried to drink it. Like how she got when I ate the rock.”

Minhyuk looks up at you, a little pout on his lips that slowly morphs into a beam that makes his eyes sparkle.

“Really? For me?” He asks, hands clasped together underneath his chin.

You nod, a little surge of relief flowing through you at the sight of his smile.

“Thanks! I’ll bring you a leaf and you can name it Bro because we can be bros now!”

You frown at him, shaking your head, “Bros is for brothers which are boys, but yuck, I’m not a boy.”

Minhyuk shakes his head vehemently, face pulled into a serious expression, “My mommy and daddy told me that those are gender erstro-stero-stereotypes.” He sticks his tongue out of his mouth as he enunciates the syllables.

“What’s that?” You ask, confusion marring your features.

“I don’t really know but they told me that it means that we can call each other whatever we want as long as it makes us happy,” he tells you with a thoughtful expression. “Oh! But not bad words! One time, my big brother, Kihyun, said a bad word and oooooh,” he does a little jig as he bounces on his toes. “My mommy got really mad at him.”

You nod solemnly at this, “My mommy said that “govnurnment” will find us if we say those words and that the sky might fall.”

Minhyuk gasps at this, one hand clutching his chest.

And thus begins your friendship with Lee Minhyuk.

It turns out he lives in the apartment down the hall from yours which means playdates every weekend which slowly turn into sleepovers. Your parents love him to the ends of the world and back and it’s a little infuriating.

In the third grade he sends you a note via some kid named Jooheon who has dimples so deep you could swim in them for days. 

The note reads, “I like u, do u like me, check yes or no (pls yes).”

You smack him on the playground and that’s the end of that.

In the seventh grade, Minhyuk fills out a little, still lanky, but now his legs are nicely proportioned to his torso and his smile is a little more bright and a little less creepy. Girls notice this too, but Minhyuk is still awkward around them, swerving three feet into the opposite direction when he spots a girl in proximity. You tease him endlessly about this, telling him he’s never going to find his love because he’ll be too busy running away from her.

Come the ninth grade, Minhyuk grows a little taller and suddenly becomes a little more cocky with the girls. This leaves a bitter taste in your mouth for some reason, and this taste only intensifies when he gets a girlfriend he spends most of his time with. She’s pretty, with a cute little nose and sharp, mono lidded eyes. Her smile is bright and cheery and matches Minhyuk’s in a way that makes your blood boil.

“Hi, I’m Seulgi!” She announces herself one rainy afternoon, Minhyuk’s arm wrapped loosely around her waist as she waves excitedly at you. “Minhyuk and I are dating and I know you two are best friends so I wanted introduce myself!”

Your eyes narrow at Minhyuk who looks somewhat nervous. “Dating?”

Minhyuk nods firmly at you, “Yeah, I asked her out today. No problem with that, right?”

Your heart twists a little uncomfortably in your chest and your stomach tightens. Nodding at Minhyuk and hastily sticking your water bottle into your bag, you shoot him a strained smile. “Of course it’s okay. Why wouldn’t it be okay? Everything is okay. In fact, everything is so okay I don’t remember what not okay is like. Ha. Ha.”

They break up a few months later but that weird feeling in your chest comes back every time you see her. Minhyuk doesn’t seem too heartbroken in all honesty and she ends up dating Jooheon a couple weeks after. He doesn’ even act all that surprised, truthfully.

You have a movie night at your house with ice cream and chicken nuggets because even ten years later, Minhyuk loves chicken nuggets. He leans into your shoulder and tells you it’s no big deal, because Seulgi “isn’t a mean person’. The night ends with you feeling even more confused because your heart still does the clenching thing when Minhyuk says her name but it also has started doing this weird skippy thing when he comes close to you and oh god when he hugs you goodnight you forget to breathe.

High school passes and you come to terms with the fact that Minhyuk has a nice smile that isn’t creepy and he has pretty hands and really pretty lips and a good, sweet personality and maybe, just maybe, you’ve somehow ended up liking Lee Minhyuk.

Maybe you like like him.

But Minhyuk is a little dense and never notices and you���re too terrified to tell him yourself because of that one time in the third grade you rejected him. So it just stays a secret. Except Minhyuk is the only one who can’t tell. And everyone else makes suggestive jokes and teases you about it. And Minhyuk still doesn’t know.

Getting over your best friend is hard and it’s even harder when it’s Minhyuk, especially when you both decide to go to the same college. So when he asks you to live together during that time, there’s not much you can say except yes because you’ve always been a little weak for Minhyuk.

Living with him is awful, you realize just a week later.

Now that there isn’t a whole apartment between the both of you, he just comes barrelling through your door at random times, screaming about who knows what. He also leaves his pants all over the place. Just his pants. They’re hanging off the lampshades sometimes or draping across the back of the sofa and one time you even find them dangling from the ceiling fan. Turn out, he just likes flinging his pants around the room because pants ‘constrict the creativity flow, which is essential for a lit major.’

It’s awful.

Sometimes he stumbles out of his room early in the morning, in boxers and a loose t-shirt and he mumbles a rough ‘good morning’ as he pours a cup of coffee. His voice is throaty, laced with tiredness and if you could physically bathe in it, you would. And sometimes he gets cold in his room as night so he pushes into yours with a blanket wrapped around his head and snuggles in next to you.

This is even more awful.

It’s a ride through hell.

Lee Minhyuk is your best friend of fifteen years and now, at the age of twenty, you refuse to develop any feelings for him.

This is easier said than done.

The situation isn’t helped when your older sister, Dasom, calls you to tell you that she’s getting married in a week, not two months.

“Minhyuk!” You call, following the smell of chicken nuggets to his room. He sits in the middle of his bed, blankets pooled at the foot of the bed while he dangles his head off the side, half a chicken nugget hanging out his mouth.

“Yes, cutie?” He replies, crooking his head as he stares at your upside-down form.

“Dasom’s getting married to Jooyoung in a week and mom wants you there. Your parents are coming, too,” you tell him, moving into his room.

“A week? I thought the wedding was in another two months!”

You roll your eyes, crossing your arms over your chest. “Right, well, I’m pretty sure something must have happened for the wedding to be pushed back. My mom called it ‘special circumstances’. My bet is that Dasom got pregnant.”

Minhyuk snorts, sitting up only to fall back and lay on his bed, “Yikes, sounds like this’ll be a fun wedding.”

A sinking feeling settles in the pit of your stomach as you move to sit next to him, resting your head on his shoulders. Another day of listening to your mother rant about how horrible Jooyoung is and your father’s irritated grumbles about Dasom’s future.

“Oh, come on,” Minhyuk says, jiggling his shoulder, “there’s no way it’ll be that bad. Weddings are supposed to be fun!”

You glare at him from where your head rests, eyes rolling up. “It won’t be. Jooyoung’s mom is rude and snobbish, and mom and dad think Jooyoung’s family isn’t good enough for ours.”

Minhyuk just nods sympathetically, grinning at you, “I think you should create a diversion.”

“A diversion?”

“Yeah, like you find something that’s so completely shocking neither family even has time to think about how much they hate each other.” Minhyuk nods to himself, as though commending himself on a plan well thought out.

You crinkle your nose, wracking your brain for an an idea when Minhyuk snaps his fingers, bringing his face close to yours with a proud smile.

“Pretend you’re dating me.”

It takes approximately five and a half seconds for the thought to sink into your head before you choke, hacking your way through profuse rejections and vehement denials.

“Oh, come on,” Minhyuk says, bouncing up and down a little, “it’s not like we have to stay together. This is purely for appearance’s sake.”

You nod agreeing with Minhyuk, because yes that makes total and absolute sense, but your heart also wrenches a little for some godforsaken reason.

You chalk it up to heartburn and for the rest of the day, you ignore the way your heart seems to swell whenever you’re around Minhyuk.

Minhyuk somehow forgets that weddings include formal wear, as in a suit, so six hours before the wedding you both shuffle out to the department store located one too many bus stops away. His justification is that university students have no reason to use suits and therefore “they are useless”.

Be that as it may, you refuse to show up at the wedding with him dressed in the suit he bought for high school graduation.

“So what color do I get?”

You sigh, rifling through the racks of suits, “Minhyuk just pick a simple suit.”

He seems to think that all suits are the same size because the first one he steps out of the dressing room in hangs embarrassingly over his frame. The sleeves fall over his lithe wrists, just the tips of his fingers poking out and the shoulders droop awkwardly. He looks like he’s mid-puberty.

You pinch the bridge of your nose, sighing. “Change of plans. I pick a suit and you wear it.”

Minhyuk nods as you pluck a black suit off one of the racks and pass it to him. “There are sizes, Minhyuk. That’s why I asked for your measurements.”

“That’s why I asked how to pick!”

You don’t even bother supplying him with a response, pushing him into one of the dressing rooms and turning to sit in one of the empty chairs near the big mirrors. Minhyuk grunts few times, complaining from inside the room about starchy fabrics and too tight collars as you laugh, inspecting your fingernails. A rack of ties hang beside you, colorful prints and dark, solid colors. You trace the tips of your finger over each tie, plucking out a soft pink one, satisfied with how well it matches with your dress.

The swish of the curtains swinging open is the first thing you register before you look up and oh-

Minhyuk stands, one hand pushed into his pocket, the other fiddling with the lapels of the suit jacket, one knee cocked. His brown hair is swept back from his face, tousled from what you assume are his fingers raking through it. He looks breathtaking and you gulp a little bit, voice caught in your throat for a moment.

“N-nice, you -you, you look nice.”

Minhyuk’s fingers graze over the fabric, his eyes locked on you, hints of a smirk playing at the corners of his lips. “You think so?”

You force back the impure thoughts budding in your mind and manage a stiff smile, sending him a wink. Minhyuk’s cheeks redden and he coughs into his fist, mumbling something about you being too cute for your own good. You’re not exactly sure why that makes you blush and fluster when you hear that but you spend the next ten minutes hacking up a lung while Minhyuk asks you if you’re okay.

You nod and it’s another day of ignoring the fact that Lee Minhyuk looks amazing in both sweatpants and a suit.

So when you get back home, you make a beeline for your bedroom, eyes refusing to grant Minhyuk any glances.

It’s stifling in your room, surrounded by the smell of Minhyuk’s cologne and mental flashes of his suit, the white collar of his dress shirt unbuttoned, fingers latching onto the tie to wriggle it loose.

You find it nearly impossible to rid yourself of the intrusive thoughts, flinging yourself into your bed. Solace comes in the form of your fingers sneaking down your jeans, pushing your panties aside as you rub at your folds, fingers flicking against your clit. Your eyes flutter shut as you arch your back, mouth opening in a silent moan, thoughts of Minhyuk running through your mind. His fingers pass fleetingly through, thoughts of how well those long fingers could work you open, pressing against all the right spots.

Your fingers twirl around the bundle of nerves, mind now delving into the ways his tongue could make you feel, swiping over your folds, pushing into you. You can picture him pressing you into the sheets, lips burning trails all over your body, leaving light hickeys on the unmarred skin, his voice raspier as he grunts into your ears. Minhyuk could fill you up so well, taking his time with making you feel good, leaving you writhing and satisfied. 

You imagine his face when he cums, mouth open and face twisted in an expression of pure ecstasy. It’s what finally has you unraveling around your own fingers, voice breathy as a whisper of his name slips through your lips.

You lie there in your bed, limp and spent for a good fifteen seconds before the weight of what you’ve done washes over you. Your cheeks burn with embarrassment of having just gotten off to the mere thoughts of your best friend, quickly wiping your fingers clean with the tissues on your bedside table.

A sudden loud rap comes from your door and Minhyuk’s voice wafts through, sugary and sweet. “Are you dressed yet? The wedding starts in about two hours.”

Your voice catches in your throat for a quick second, a garbled croak sounding from your lips first. “I-I mean almost!”

Minhyuk groans from the other side and you can almost picture the pout on his lips. “Well, hurry up!”

It takes you only a few minutes to slip on the dress, light pink and soft and airy, the most comfortable one you could find. You forsake the comfort of your feet, however, for high heels, teetering a little as you stand  from your chair.

Minhyuk’s hand is still shoved into his pocket when you step out, but this time his eyes are locked on the watch on his wrist as he stares at it intently, tapping his foot on the hardwood floor, little irritated clacks resonating. You clear your throat a little, eyes widening when you see that he’s cleaned up, swept the strands of his hair to the sides, the tie properly knotted around his neck, a small pink rose tucked into the pocket of his suit. Your breathing stutters a little and a silence follows, Minhyuk’s eyes widening as he looks at you, scanning your body up and down as he drags his tongue over his cracked lips in a quick swipe.

“H-hey, you look nice - like good- like really good, you look really good,” he stammers, rubbing the back of his neck shyly, the skin flaming a right red. Minhyuk clears his throat once, twice, holding out his elbow. “Shall we, m’lady?” He seems to be able to compose himself enough to step closer, instead, lacing your fingers together.

“It’s what real couples do,” he says when you glance at him inquisitively, but his cheeks are a telling pink as he looks away.

The moment your step into the church your eye lock on your mother, fanning herself with the wedding pamphlet in one hand, the other swishing a glass of red wine. Her face is twisted into an irritated expression, lips thin and wrinkled. Your father is slouched over the table, glasses perched low on the bridge of his nose as he traces the tip of his finger over the rim of his wineglass. He looks more glum than anything else, eyes occasionally flitting up to eye the white, lily-covered aisle and flower decorations with a heavy sigh.

“Minhyuk!” Your mother exclaims, face lighting up the second she sees him. She opens her arms wide, a smile splitting her frown, “I’ve missed you so much!”

Your father even seems happier, clapping Minhyuk on the back with enough force to nearly knock him over. “How’s college going, Minhyuk?”

“Oh, I’m sure he’s at the top of his class, just like in high school!” Your mother gushes, hands clasped together in happiness. Minhyuk just smiles, wrapping an arm around your mother’s waist and planting  a kiss on the crown of her head. She giggles, leaning into his shoulder.

Your cross your arms over your chest, eyebrows furrowed.

“Hi, mom. It’s me. Your daughter.”

Your mother spares you a glance before turning back to Minhyuk, “Yes, sweetheart, I know. Believe it or not, I was there when you were born.”

You barely have enough time to splutter back an offended reply before Dasom comes barging in, eyes glinting with anger, her dress swinging back and forth dangerously.

“Where are my calla lilies?” She nearly screams, shoving Minhyuk aside.

He stumbles, nearly crashing into the table as she huffs, slamming her hand down onto the table. A sort of fury ignites in your chest as you latch one of your hands onto Minhyuk’s elbow, tugging him close. “Hands off my boyfriend.”

Minhyuk looks back at you, his face unreadable.

Dasom’s expression shifts from anger to utter confusion as she turns to look at you, mouth open. “What did you say?”

The anger inside of you dwindles, your rash actions catching up to you. “Uh-I mean-uh”

“We’re dating.” Minhyuk announces, moving his elbow out of your hand to instead interlace your fingers together. “I’m here to provide support for my girlfriend’s family.”

Dasom chokes.

Minhyuk’s whisks you out of the church after that, calling out a cheerful ‘be right back!’ over his shoulder. You can hear your parents fumbling for words, half-finished sentences and garbled sounds.

When you go back in moments later, this time equipped with knowledge from google (how to fake a relationship), your parents are more composed. You mother is seated in one of the high stools, your father right next to her. Her legs are crossed, fingers wrapped around the stem of the wineglass, swishing the red liquid as she eyes you with a cold, calculated look.

“So,” she begins, the second you both step closer, “when did this happen?”

Minhyuk speaks up, one hand pressed against the small of your back, “We’ve been dating for about a month, but we didn’t want to make it a big deal.”

“Of course it’s a big deal,” your mother exclaims, the wine sloshing dangerously in the glass. She shifts her gaze to glare at you, “I can’t believe you kept the son-in-law of my dreams hidden from me all this time!”

“What.”

She rolls her eyes, turning to look at your dad, “Do you see this? She kept this hidden for an entire month!”

Your father grunts a little, squaring his shoulders, “We all love Minhyuk sweetheart, why wouldn’t you just tell us?”

Minhyuk winks at your parents, greasy and playful, “I love you guys, too.”

“See,” your mother chimes, “there was absolutely no reason to keep him from us!”

You open your mouth to respond when the church doors fly open, a hot blast of air flying through the room.

Jooyoung’s mother stands there, sunglasses perched on her nose, designer bag swinging from the crook of her elbow. Minhyuk wraps an arm around your shoulders, rubbing the skin gently as he waves, voice cheerful.

“Hi hello!”

She tilts her head, peering at him over the top of her sunglasses before sniffing and strutting forwards.

“I’m the groom’s mother.”

An awkward silence follows.

“Ah, yes,” Minhyuk says, clearing his throat and smiling uncomfortably. You can practically see his inner struggle, desperately trying to impress. Minhyuk has always been like this, striving to make sure everyone likes him and please anyone he meets.

Your mother rolls her eyes, mumbling a quick greeting and darting away with your father as quickly as she can.

Another awkward silence follows.

“So,” Jooyoung’s mother  says, taking off her sunglasses and slipping them into her purse, turning to look at you “How are you?”

“I-I’m fine,” you croak, slightly intimidated. “Got a good job and moved into a new apartment and -”

“You’re so independent” she chimes, voice saccharine sweet. “It’s no wonder you haven’t found anyone yet!”

You choke a little, eyes widening and Minhyuk stiffens next to you.

“Actually,” he says, pressing himself a bit closer to you, “we’re dating.”

Your heart flutters a bit - just a bit- at his words, leaning into his warmth. Jooyoung’s mother regards him with a calculated look, eyes sweeping up and down his form.

“Well,” she sighs, turning to look back at you, “if that’s the kind of man you wanted, you certainly got a good one.”

You’re not quite sure what to make of that but guests slowly begin filing in and Jooyoung moves to greet them all, shaking hands and casting smiles.

Jooyoung’s mother shuffles away, heels clacking loudly on the tiled floor as she hugs some of the people coming in.

“Wow, she seems really nice,” Minhyuk says dryly, mouth pulled into a wry smile.

Your mother appears next to you, lips pressed into a thin line. “She’s quite a piece of work isn’t she?”

Minhyuk’s eyes flash to her before he grins, planting a soft peck on your temple. “Don’t be sad, I’m here to make the perfect son-in-law for you!”

You don’t hear your mother’s reply because all the blood in your body is rushing to your face, the pounding of your heart beating too loudly in your ears. Lee Minhyuk’s lips are soft and feel like clouds pressed against you and his arm feels so incredibly secure, like they were meant to keep you safe, it’s hard to breathe now.

“-right?”

Your eyes snap back into focus as you feel Minhyuk’s elbow nudge you in the ribs softly, mumbling an intelligent “huh?”

You mother just sighs, pointing to the pews with a tired hand. Minhyuk guides you to your places, a warm and comforting presence. The wedding passes by in a blur; Dasom practically radiates beauty and Jooyoung clearly can’t stop smiling. They exchange vows and your eyes brim with tears as Dasom slips the ring onto his finger, overwhelmed with the sudden realization of your older sister moving onto the next chapter of her life. The tips of Minhyuk’s fingers brush underneath your eyes, sweeping the tears away. He wraps his hand around yours, rubbing comforting circles into the back of your hand with his thumb.

You unconsciously lean into the touch, reveling in the warmth his body provides against you, comforting and soothing. The smell wafting off of him is familiar, allowing you a sort of solace in this uncomfortable atmosphere.

Your mother shoots you a knowing glance, smiling surreptitiously and leans into your father’s side, whispering something.

The rest of the ceremony moves by just as quickly, the reception more or less bustling with people holding too many wine glasses.

Dasom and Jooyoung have their first dance and people slowly fall into a relaxed state, swaying to the soft music, arms wrapped around their partners.

“Hello, darlings,” Jooyoung’s mother says, sidling up next to you and eyeing your mother up and down. Her eyes convey irritation as she plasters a fake smile across her lips. “That shade does wonders for your wrinkles!” She says, gesturing towards your mother’s dress.

Your mother’s lips twitch as she brings the wine glass to her lips.

“My, that’s the eighth glass you’ve had since I’ve gotten here! I envy you and your daughter, not worried about what others may think!”

Her eyes narrowing, your mother clears her throat, bringing the glass down from her lips to ask, voice quiet, “And what exactly does that mean?”

Jooyoung’s mother sniffs, inspecting her fingernails, “Of course, I mean your obvious issue with alcohol, for lack of better word. Furthermore, I would never allow my child to cling to their partner in public in such a way, especially during someone else’s  wedding, but it’s wonderful that the both of you are so confident you don’t concern yourselves with anyone else.”

You feel yourself step back in shock, unprepared for the attack aimed your way. This time, your mother places the glass on the table, straightening her back and clasping her hands.

“I think,” she begins, voice eerily calm, “That it’s none of your concern what we do.”

Jooyoung’s mother crosses her arms, the leather of her purse dangerously hovering over her sharp diamond bracelet. “Well, of course it is. You’re family now.” She spits out the word like it’s venom, mouth wrinkling in distaste.

“Right,” Minhyuk interjects, coolly wrapping his arm around your waist again, fingers playing with the fabric of your dress. “Family. But auntie, is everything alright at home? Jooyoung told me about your … financial issues, and you know we’re always happy to help. After all, that’s what family is for.”

Jooyoung’s mother chokes a little, composure breaking as she stammers, “I-it’s fine. We have everything under complete control.” Her voice cracks a few times before she wobbles away, calling out for Jooyoung.

You and your mother stare at Minhyuk in awe as he plucks a mini quiche off a platter and pops it into his mouth, chewing happily.

“Financial troubles?” Your mother croaks, eyes wide. “Since when?”

“Not sure,” Minhyuk says around the food in his mouth, munching noisily. “That,” he swallows the last of the quiche, sticking up his index finger, “Was a shot in the dark.”

“A shot in the dark,” your mother repeats slowly, as if mulling over the words. “You didn’t know if it was true?”

“Nah,” he says, shrugging his shoulders, “but she was clearly on edge all throughout the wedding and what kind of mom wears more expensive clothing than her son on his wedding day? Only a mom that felt insecure about her finances.”

A stunned silence follows.

“Well,” your mother says, standing from her chair, teetering a little bit, “I’m going to go get another drink, because I need it if I’m supposed to survive this wedding.”

She hobbles away, swaying a little and nearly crashing into one of the waiters as she searches for the open bar.

Minhyuk chuckles by your shoulder, puffs of air hitting the side of your neck, “Told you I’d be a good buffer.”

You turn to face him, mouth open and ready to fire back a reply but he’s staring down at you, eyes twinkling and lips curved into the sweetest smile and the words somehow get caught in your throat.

“May I have this dance?” He asks, offering his hand, and grazing the tip of his nose over yours.

Words aren’t needed as you slip your hand into his, nodding with a shy smile. Minhyuk’s hand feels secure and safe as he pulls you close, slipping them down to hold your waist.

“So,” he says, smiling as you wrap your hands around his shoulders, “seems like they bought the whole thing, huh?”

You frown, steps faltering, “What do you mean?”

“Our relationship.”

“Oh.”

A sort of wrenching feeling builds in your chest, similar to how you felt when Seulgi announced she was dating him and at this point you’ve accepted your feelings for Minhyuk because, really, there’s no way out.

“But,” he says, pressing his forehead against yours, “You don’t seem all that happy.”

You square your shoulders, jaw setting. 

Right. Be an adult. Rip the bandaid off. Get it over with.

“Minhyuk,” you sigh, eyes locked on the collar of his shirt, “I-”

“A hypothetical,” he interrupts, this time slight panic laced into his eyes, “What if, hypothetically, I actually wanted to be your date for once and I just did this so that you’d give me a chance?”

“What.”

“And, hypothetically, I like it when you take care of me so I purposefully depend on you?”

“What.”

“And maybe, just hypothetically, what if I said I’ve liked you since the third grade? So,” he scratches the back of his neck, laughing awkwardly, “If I said that, would we keep pretending or could we actually start dating? Hypothetically.”

You blink.

“What.”

This time Minhyuk groans in exasperation. “Oh my god, you don’t get it. I like you.”

“You what.”

“Like you.”

“Like you like me? I know you like me; we’ve been friends for years, Minhyuk.”

“No, like I like you like you.”

This new piece of information takes about three minutes for you to process during which almost eighty different emotions pass over Minhyuk’s face.

It finally hits you and your legs shake as you take a step back, “W-what?”

The world suddenly becomes all wavy and Minhyuk’s arm slips around your waist, catching you as your knees nearly buckle. “What do you think?”

Your arms slip back around his neck, searching for balance and he’s so close, so incredibly close, his lips ghosting over your own and before you realize it, your eyes have slid shut, lips parting.

Fuck it, you’ve waited for this for years.

You forget everything, the family stress, the people around you, the piles of work you have left at home, and focus solely on what you’ve thought about for years.

Minhyuk’s lips press against yours with the softest of touches and nothing you’ve imagined could have prepared you for this moment, lips tingling, fingers flying to latch onto his shoulders, drawing him closer. Minhyuk’s lips are made of fireworks and coming home, he’s the comfort you’ve always needed and the sunshine you so desperately crave. He tilts, his head, lips leaving your for a split second as he gulps in air, a whisper of your name slipping past his lips. You only grow more desperate for his touch, leaning into him, fingers scrabbling for purchase as they drag at his shoulders.

“I’m guessing that’s a yes?” He laughs when your lips part, foreheads still pressed against each other’s.

You can almost physically feel his warmth squeezing through the cracks of uncertainty in your heart as you nod, a smile spreading over your lips.

“Yes.”

Minhyuk has a hard time keeping his hands to himself. You discover this on your hasty car ride back home, as you both quickly bid your parents goodbye, quick pecks on the cheek and surprised hugs thrown your way.

His hand rests on your bare knee as he drives, his shirt popped open a few button, tie loose and hanging around his neck.

“Minhyuk, move.”

“No. I like my hand there.”

Correction. He just doesn’t like keeping his hands to himself.

“Something wrong with it,” he pauses, almost contemplatively, before a slow grin spreads across his face, “baby?”

“No.”

“Baby,” he says, this time the smirk on his face much too prominent.

“Shut.”

“Baby.”

“UP.”

He smiles, tilting his head, “So you like being called baby.”

You cross your arms over your chest and glare at him, but he seems unaffected.

“You looked really pretty today, baby.”

A minute of silence goes by.

“So pretty, baby.”

“Never speak to me again, Lee Minhyuk.”

Minhyuk’s lips are pressed against yours the moment you both step into the apartment, fumbling to take off your shoes, you heels catching on the edge of the rug as you stumble.

His hands roam, pressing into your sides and tugging your body close as he stumbles into the living room.

“You’re so pretty, baby,” he whispers, hands burning as they pull you into the bedroom, shifting to the back of your dress to fiddle with the zipper.

You sigh, voice catching in your throat as your body lands on the messy sheets, “You–you looked pretty good, too.”

He grins, lips curving against the column of your neck. “I noticed you liked the suit, baby.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Minhyuk just shoots you a cheeky grin, fiddling with the clasp of your bra, “I saw your face when I came out of that dressing room. Admit it, you think it’s hot.” He smiles when the bra finally unclasps, falling from your shoulder

You roll your eyes, locking your legs around his waist and drawing him closer. “I think,” you huff, rolling your hips up to meet his, seeking relief from the lust that’s building inside of you, “that you need to talk a little less.”

Minhyuk’s finger’s move up to pop another shirt button, smile widening when he hears you draw in a sharp intake of air. “You sure this isn’t making you wet, baby?”

“Minhyuk,” you whine, fingers making their way up to his shirt to unbutton it, irritated with how long he’s taking, “shut up already.”

He just giggles, his lithe fingers trapping both of your wrists and pressing a kiss to each before he leans back down, pressing your wrists against the sheets, to kiss you again. His hands move down your frame, ghosting over your nipples and leaving goosebumps in their wake.

Minhyuk’s lips move to your neck, biting down on your collar bones and licking lightly up the side. Your fingers weave back into the strands of his hair, tugging him closer as he groans against your neck, rolling his hips down t meet yours.

“Thought about this for too long,” he pants, hands sliding down to tug at your panties, “wanted you for so long.”

Your words catch as a moan spills past your lips, pleasure coursing through your body as Minhyuk’s fingers trail up your folds, flicking your clit and sliding into you with ease. “I – ah – m-me too, Minhyuk, yes, me too.”

His fingers curl inside of you, pressing against your walls and dragging out the moans coursing past your lips that threaten to grow so loud you’ll receive noise complaints in the morning.

“What do you mean, baby?” He asks, breathless as he pumps his fingers into you, “You thought of me like this? Thought of me making you needy and desperate? Like the good girl you are?” His voice is laced with shock, eyes staring into yours with mild disbelief.

Your body squirms, hips lifting to try and rock back against his fingers. “Fuck yes, Minhyuk, so please please please –”

“Not so fast,” he interrupts you, his fingers slowing down to an agonizing pace. “What did you think of, baby?”

“Please, Minhyuk,” you nearly sob as his fingers push into you again, reaching spots you never could and pressing them in all the right ways.

“No. Tell me what you thought about.”

Your body twitches underneath his as you surrender, too weak to try and argue. “Thought about your fingers, how they’d feel, and your lips and the way you’d fuck me so good, fuck, Minhyuk, I know you’d make me feel so good,” you mewl, fingers clawing thin red stripes into his bare shoulders as he shrugs his dress shirt off.

Minhyuk groans, eyes burning a darker shade as he brings his lips back down to yours, teeth clacking messily, too much tongue, but it feels so damn good.

“So,” he pants, “perfect,” his fingers pull out of you, “for”, he rolls on a condom, “me.”

Minhyuk likes taking his time, Like winding you up, making you more whiny and desperate for him. He pushes into you with a low groan, his pace slow and steady. Your toes curl and your eyes roll back as he brings his thumb down to rub at your clit, satisfied at the half-scream that spills from your lips.

His thrusts aren’t enough, though, just shy of exactly where you need him, so you wrap your legs around his waist, tugging him closer and hissing a stuttered “faster”.

Minhyuk kisses you, harsh and desperate, and when he pulls away, he sucks your lower lip into his mouth, watching with satisfaction as he releases it and it pops back into its place. His eyes rake over your face appreciatively, watching the delirium that slowly takes over your body as you writhe against him, drawing him closer, begging for more.

“You’re just so fucking gorgeous, baby,” he groans, snapping his hips and pressing hot, openmouthed kisses against your jaw. “You’re so perfect.”

You can only moan in response, nails dragging up his shoulders and raking over the nape of his neck.

“And,” he hisses, angling his hips a little differently, “You’re even perfect when you’re like this, pretty and wet all over my cock.”

“Fu-fuck, Minhyuk fuck,” you sob, words coming out in little broken cries as he snaps into you with newfound force. “S-so good, yes, more.”

You can faintly hear the sound of the headboard slamming against the wall, but everything disappears and all you can focus on is Minhyuk’s lips and his hands and the way he fucks into you.

Your body convulses underneath his as a scream is ripped from your throat, Minhyuk’s name slipping past your lips and it’s so, so hard to focus when his sinful lips are dragging over your body, red blotches littering the already marked skin.

“Come on, baby,” he whispers, rubbing his thumb over your clit, “cum for me. Cum over my cock like the pretty little girl you are.”

It’s what finally has your back arching, jaw slack as a harsh scream slips past your lips, eyes rolling back. Minhyuk’s thrusts grow more erratic before he releases into you with a low ‘fuck’. There’s a moment of pure silence as he noses into your neck, steadying his breathing. He sighs, pressing soft, lazy kisses against your forehead as he relaxes, your legs falling from his shoulder, body already sore.

You feel your body go limp as he pulls out of you with a low hiss, rolling the condom off his length to throw it out. Minhyuk flings himself into the space next to you, one arm thrown over your waist, his legs immediately moving to tangle with yours.

“So,” he whispers, peeling back the strands of hair that have plastered themselves to your face, “I hear you like me.”

You snort, nuzzling into his chest, “Heard you like me, too.”

Minhyuk just hums, practically molding himself to you and your arms find their way around him being living with Lee Minhyuk is ride through hell but being with him is a taste of heaven.

A/N: hi helo this was weird 2 write but i realize that i rlly like writing for minhyuk bc hes such a gr8 person i now stan minhyuk buhbye also wats a casserole google wont give me an answer

Requested by:

[Anon] Please write a Minhyuk fluffy smut? I need more of this! It’s so hard to find 😭

Masterlist

[evenstevensranked]

#50: Season 3, Episode 20 - “Surf’s Up”

Recurring character Zack Estrada invites Twitty to go surfing with him and his friends. Out of jealousy, Louis, who was not invited — invites himself.. which causes all sorts of drama. Meanwhile, Ren meets and falls for a guy named Gil who she has reason to believe might be a merman.

Okay, so I just want to start off by saying… a lot of people don’t like this episode. I looked at some old forums from 2000-2006 recently and so many people were like “This episode sucked!” right after it initially aired, lol. I guess I can see why they felt that way, but this episode is actually one of my personal favorites. Why have I ranked it #50 then, you ask? Well, upon re-watching.. it felt a little flat and sort of dragged on. It wasn’t as funny or strong as I remembered, but I still absolutely love the basis for the whole thing. If we’re looking at what I’m basing my rankings on, this one probably meets only 2 of the 6 requirements - “personal favorite” and “quality plot line.” So, now that you know my reasoning... let’s dive in. (Pun intended.)

In the opening scene, we see Louis and Twitty at lunch when *dun dun dunnnn* Zack Estrada calls Twitty over and invites him to go surfing at Troubadour Point. Now, this episode actually marks Zack’s last appearance. So, without getting into detail.. Basically, Louis has always been super jealous of this dude. Like, incredibly jealous. The jealousy dates back to early Season 1 and spans 4 episodes throughout the shows run. I refer to it as The Zack Estrada Saga. And here, it continues. The third to last episode of the series, and he’s still jealous.

I know that feel, Lou. 

When Twitty returns to their lunch table he’s talking excitedly about spring break. Which, piggybacking off of what I said last week, is another reason why I fully believe these kids were intended to be high school students. Because, no middle schoolers I know go gallivanting off to the beach unsupervised for spring break, lol. But, hey! Maybe it’s different in 2017. Nah, yeah. Something’s telling me it’s definitely different in 2017. Middle schoolers look and act 25 years old these days, so.

Louis’ jealousy is very evident when he passive aggressively asks Twitty when he started hanging out with Zack and his friends. Twitty says he went surfing with them last spring break while Louis was at a temper tantrum workshop. This is the first funny moment of the episode. Louis responds by screaming at Twitty on the verge of tears, “nOW YOU LISTEN HERE! I EXPRESS MYSELF APPROPRIATELY NOW!” Louis decides to go ahead and invite himself to Troubadour Point even though he has no idea how to surf.

This episode was always somewhat refreshing to me, because it’s one of the only ones where we see our characters in an environment other than their houses or school. That’s something cool about early Disney Channel shows. They weren’t contrived or restricted to a sound stage on a fake beach like Hannah Montana, for example. They’re actually at a real beach and I love it. 

They make a point to show Twitty and the owner of the beach shack rub a sacred lucky surf idol tiki thing and say “Pray for waves!” Louis enters the shack with his surfboard (which is bad luck apparently) and knocks over the tiki. Yikes. This reminds me of The Brady Bunch Hawaii episode, lol. I was just waiting for the bad luck music to play. Zack was already a little annoyed when Twitty told him Louis was coming, so now… his dislike for Louis is pretty strong. 

Side note: I feel like Disney Channel totally typecast Brandon Baker as that ~ethnic surfer bro.~ For those of you who don’t know or never realized, he also played Johnny Kapahala (a.k.a Johnny Tsunami). I just came across this cute little followup series Disney did with him last year. Side side note: Brandon is actually biracial (white and fillipino) and they portrayed that accurately on screen in the Johnny movies! Random to mention, I know. But I’m biracial so I get oddly happy when I notice this stuff, lol.

There are actually two mini subplots in this episode, which might contribute to its “off”-ness. We have Tom who’s trying to build a perfect sandcastle. And we have Beans who’s metal detecting, but just ends up stealing people’s stuff. Beans really shouldn’t be there. His bit is useless. I understand it was most likely an attempt to get everyone involved in the fun beach location episode.. but, I feel like there might be too many things going on here.

Tawny is sitting by Tom, all covered up from the sun. Tom asks her why she isn’t helping with the sand castle and she’s like “Oh, I’m just waiting for a little more cloud cover.” And, Tom says “Oh. Right. Heaven forbid a ray of sunshine should touch your precious porcelain skin.” Tom is the best. But of course.. Twitty, Zack and the surfer bros go running to the ocean and step all over the castle. Louis is trailing behind them like a lovable uncoordinated doofus and ruins the remainder of it. Tom is so sad. Bless his heart.

Ren, Ruby and Monique are chilling on the beach too when some guys ask them to hang out. Side note: This one dude who Monique runs away with!! I always thought he looked familiar and as I was watching it again today — it hit me! He went on to be a member of fictional boyband Boyz N Motion from That’s So Raven! Omg. I looked it up just to make sure, and I was in fact correct. His name is Michael Copon. So, there’s that.

Ren is on the dock throwing pebbles and shells into the sea when a guy emerges from the water and throws shells back at her, lol ok. The two start talking and she finds out his name is Gil! Yep. THE Gil who breaks her heart in a pancake house in The Even Stevens Movie. Gil swims away, and Ren can’t help but notice the giant glimmering fin that splashes in the water. I’d honestly be a little confused, too.

My inner subconscious Social Justice Warrior came out a bit when Ren sees Monique and Ruby doing their hair and makeup and says “Ah! Makeup and hairspray at the beach. Very nice, girls. I thought you already met some guys.” To which they respond, “Yeah, and we wanna keep them.” NOOOOOO! Sorry. I hate to view things through that lens, but after spending so much time on Tumblr and Twitter (especially in the current climate of the country) it just rubs off on you! Ugh. You can’t escape it! Anyway, Ren tells them about Gil and the whole fin thing and they find it absolutely hilarious.

Out on the ocean, Twitty and Zack’s crew are bummed because there are no waves. Zack angrily says “Pfft! I wonder why…” And gives Louis the nastiest look as he comes paddling up to them all happy. I feel so bad. Zack yells at him for bringing his board into the shack and breaking the lucky surf idol. The gang desert Louis and head back to the beach for lunch. Twitty sides with them saying “sometimes I just need to do my own thing, man” and leaves Louis alone in the middle of the ocean. My poor baby. :(

I will not stand for this! Protect Louis Stevens at all costs. 

Louis goes back to the beach and once again walks right through Tom’s sandcastle. Come on, man! You could’ve walked around it, lol. It’s not even like he was running.. he was casually walking. I can’t. He goes to the dock and finds Ren with binoculars looking for Gil. The two of them have a “conversation” that’s not really a conversation. It’s just them going back and forth ranting about their own problems without actually listening to the other. It’s a cute sibling moment, haha. I actually really love Louis and Twitty’s friendship, though. They’re like an old married couple in this episode. I think it’s adorable. During this scene Louis is so fed up with Twitty ditching him for Zack, so he decides to go surf on his own. Meanwhile, Ren is ranting about Gil being real, knowing what she saw and that she’s not crazy.

“At least your best friend didn’t ditch ya. He’s hanging out with his ~new~ surfer buddies. They’re probably having a good’ol time. Laughing, eating onion rings. Twitty doesn’t even like onion rings! Ya know?! So, it’s weird. He’s probably faking like he likes them!” I love this.

Ren decides to go out on the ocean in a boat and call for Gil by making dolphin noises. She brought sardines to lure him with and everything. This is pretty funny and one of my favorite scenes because it’s rooted in miscommunication. Plots with comedic miscommunication are one of my favorite things ever and it’s executed really well here. Naturally, Gil pops up from the water. Like... I’d believe he’s a merman, too. Why is he out there in the ocean all the time?! What was he doing underwater?! How long was he under?! How was he breathing?! All valid questions. 

How creepy is that?! lol

He swims over to Ren and tells her he was getting Lobsters for his dad, King Neptune. I’m dead. She’s like “Wow. So you really are a sea person…” - “Yep, born and raised!” he says. This is gold. Then we get a super cringy, awkward moment. After a tiny bit of flirting, Gil proceeds to dramatically kiss Ren????? Slow your rolls, buddy. That’s a little fast for Disney Channel, don’t you think? They just met 2 hours ago at the most, and Ren is in middle school. I’M TELLIN YA! THESE KIDS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE JUNIORS AND SENIORS IN HIGH SCHOOL, I SWEAR! It’s the only logical explanation for certain stuff. 

Beans is a freaking idiot who hovered his metal detector over peoples’ pocketbooks and crap all day and stole their personal belongings. But he refers to it as “buried treasure.” How stupid can you be?! Like I said, he’s pretty useless here and did not need to be included in the episode. Plus, you know I’m not the biggest Beans fan. Finally, we see him hover the detector over a tip jar in the shack. He goes to steal all of it before Tawny stops him. Tom comes over and announces that the Lost and Found is open, yelling out all of the items in Beans’ bag lol. There’s one bit where Tom shouts “ONE GOLDEN……. oh geez, this is mine” and sneakily puts it in his pocket. Uh. What the heck was it?! Do I even want to know? Can anyone tell what that is?

While everyone’s in the shack sulking over the lack of waves, Twitty decides to go out and attempt to surf again. While he’s sitting out there, a freaking giant wave comes out of nowhere and sweeps him away. Louis notices and runs to Twitty’s rescue! They don’t skimp on the dramatics here. Louis kicks into full Baywatch slo-mo mode with an 80s knockoff power jam “You can count on mEeEeeE, I will always beeee thereeee for youuUuUuU” playing in the background. So good.

One thing I really like about Even Stevens is that it doesn’t take itself too seriously. They’ll throw in giant computer generated waves, and a terrible green screen job - but it doesn’t matter. It’s not supposed to look good, it’s supposed to be funny. It doesn’t need to look real to sell the moment on this show. (Christy said something similar on the movie’s DVD commentary!) If this scene looked realistic, the episode would pull a 180 and turn into a drama. That’s not what they were going for, haha. 

A totally not superimposed Twitty getting swept away.

Louis cracks me up. Literally anything out of his mouth is funny because of the way Shia phrases it. Once he rescues Twitty he says “You know what’s funny to me? That the worst surfer in the world is havin’ to save Hot Shot Surfer Boy over here.” They proceed to argue like an old married couple some more. Twitty says he never called himself Hot Shot Surfer Boy. Louis calls Twitty two-faced and insists he buy him a Philly Cheese Steak to apologize. It’s so petty, I love it so much. When suddenly… ANOTHER WAVE COMES OUT OF NOWHERE! We get a wonderful Louis Scream as they frantically paddle. They end up briefly surfing the wave together. 

Twitty: “DUDE THIS IS SO AWESOME THIS WAVE’S LIKE… 10 FEET OVER OUR HEADS!” Louis: “DON’T CHANGE THE SUBJECT, TWITTY! I’M STILL MAD AT CHUUUU!”

Louis falls off and disappears into the sea, which is hilarious looking. But, also awful because if this was a drama, he would’ve died. But, anyway. Twitty comes riding up to shore and everyone surrounds him with praise for conquering that gnarly wave all by himself. Meanwhile, Louis washes up to shore covered in seaweed. This poor child. The two of them share one of those conflicting ~emotional~ moments where one person knows they’re being a jerk and looks off sadly at the person they’re letting down. :( Thankfully, Twitty tells the truth when Zack asks him how he caught the wave and everyone’s shocked that Louis actually did something right.

Ren’s sitting on the beach when some guy approaches her, and she realizes it’s Gil…? But, he’s walking? With legs? And then everything gets cleared up. “King Neptune” is the name of his dad’s seafood company, and he swims with a uni-fin flipper. I almost wish there were more layers of miscommunication! It could’ve been even funnier.  

Louis and Twitty end up having a heart to heart while sitting in Tom’s sandcastle. It’s precious. I wish I had a friendship that tight. Instead I’m sitting here, indoors, blogging about a fictional friendship. Twitty apologizes for ditching Louis, and Louis apologizes for inviting himself. But, Twitty says he’s glad he did because he might not be alive. “Yeah… The whole save your life thing. Whatever, it’s all in a day’s work.” I love Louis. How could you not be this guys friend?! To this day, I wish I had a friend as funny and chill as Louis. Dang. Twitty even bought him a Philly Cheese Steak! Aw. They split it and it’s a nice moment. But, as they’re eating.. they have to throw in a bad line. “Huh. It’s a little dry, isn’t it?” Louis asks. Cue another giant CG wave. Get it? Now the sub isn’t dry anymore! Hah..hahaa..ha…? I never thought that line was particularly funny. It’s almost on par with this terribly cheesy (and insensitive) deleted scene from Titanic. But the visual of them getting hit by the fake wave while sitting in a sandcastle is one of those things that will always cheer me up. I can’t look at that without laughing.

And that’s it! The episode ends with a random Twitty-Stevens Connection music video "Dawn Patrol" lol. The song always gets stuck in my head. Ugh. It’s so cringy in the best way. I actually love some of the bloopers they included. But, hey! Who’s the rando on bass? Beans became their bassist earlier in the season. They use Beans for a throwaway metal detector plot, but don’t have him play bass in the band he plays bass for. Okay. Also according to the episode credits, AJ Trauth actually wrote the song! Haha, awesome.

So, yeah. My opening statements pretty much sum up my feelings towards this one. But, one distracting thing I feel like mentioning is that this episode uses one too many unflattering fish-eye style close ups? WHY?! Look:

One too many! ONE TOO MANY! Paul Hoen directed this one. He still directs for Disney today, btw! I wonder what made him decide on this? It really stood out to me and gives the episode a bit of an offbeat, quirky feel. 

Thanks for reading guys! I feel like these posts are getting longer and longer. I have to reel myself in here. (Okay, no pun intended there.) As usual, chime in below. Are you one of the people on that old forum who thought this episode sucked? I personally like it a lot and was tempted to rank it higher!

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Thankssss!

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: GM 24 - TBL - Going Stan

5-2 Regulation Loss

We’re all resigned to it now aren’t we? This brutally disappointing November has made us all accept, barring a wicked trade or a Yuletide comeback, that this season will probably be another stinker. Sure, they’re still only four points back of a playoff spot but we’ve all seen this show before haven’t we? It’s now looking like a decent chance the Sabres will have a two-win November… like March… ugh. I’m sorry, I don’t got a rant in me. I’m not upset, I’m just disappointed. How do you follow a sports team you know is going to suck? Other than the tank thing which I know I can’t do; you normally pick a player or two and ride them like you’re the biggest One Direction fan in your High School. I went off the deep end after this game last night. Someone tweeted Carter Hutton isn’t looking good, I thought back to Linus Ullmark’s god-like performance Sunday night and went into full stan-account mode. I’m finding all the gifs I can and dusting off my favorite hot take: Linus Ullmark is the best goalie in the organization. That’s right move over UPL and your fake hips! Move over Carter “I looked good because I was Pekka Rinne’s backup on a fun playoff run” Hutton! The revolution continues! Lord knows this organization is going to go on platooning them because it’s law apparently that this club cannot have fun and or a smart deployment strategy. Are we in hell? Like Donald Trump is President but not only that but he’s been all but proven guilty of treasonous bribery and nobody cares. Sorry, no need to get political but this world kinda feels like the upside down these days. Botterill hasn’t pulled the trigger on the trade we’ve been waiting for since July and the coach we all loved until Halloween decided to call Phil Housley for some deployment advice. I could just be grumpy because those Buffalo Wings from Sunday night wreaked havoc coming out the other end during this game. Saying that might be worse than going political. Hmm. I guess we should talk about the game now.

I missed a few things last game because… well to be very frank I’m not watching these games. I’m going to the Calgary game tomorrow and that will be the first game I sit through the entirety of since that Isles 1-0 snooze fest. Brandon Montour as a forward… *Very RJ voice* WOW! Evan Rodrigues injured in the first play of the game further deepening a forward injury crisis when the team has already fallen behind in the standings? *Even more RJ voice* They’re bad, SCARY BAD! So nobody would have been shocked if you told them the Sabres were going to lose this game. They’ve looked like garbage and Tampa is one of the better teams of the cap era. However this game was looking for ways to kick us in the balls. Andrey Palat hardly has to work to get a defensive zone turnover out of the visitors and he gets it to Nikita Kucherov who puts in… 13 seconds into this game. I don’t know what your game day habits are but my dad would still be on the concourse buying beer. I just ran out of money for the streaming service I got Sabres games on, so I’ve been working with the illegal streams reddit and that nasty underbelly normally causes me to not get my eyes on the game for the first 2-5 minutes. I would have missed that goal… you know, if I was watching. But as I said, this game, at least in the first period was looking creative ways to hurt our genitals. So after an early Tampa goal how do you do that? How about an Eichel to Olofsson to Sam Reinhart goal 3:40 in to even it up at 1? Sure! It was fun little goal. The cute top line we’re stuck with made a full neutral zone transition as the nerds say and Sam Reinhart took a shot that probably would have gone wide had Andrei Vasilevskiy’s pad not redirected it in. We’ve seen this show before though. With that tie the most I could muster was a solid Larry David “Meh”. This club can’t win unless it throws everything, and the kitchen sink out the door these days.

Buffalo didn’t look particularly awful in this game either. They outshot Tampa 27-14 in the first two periods. For a minute they wanted this game. But just like we’ve seen over and over this month, something just doesn’t connect, and they can’t get it going. Last night however, they had one more trick up their sleeves before the Bolts took the game away. Jimmy Vesey is the beneficiary of a blueline giveaway and takes it all the way home for the 2-1 Sabres goal! When I saw Jimmy Vesey unassisted I was already shocked but a breakaway against the Bolts? This stuff is getting weird now. Rasmus Asplund, now a fulltime Sabre because of the forward plague going on, got to Vesey first after the goal and you can’t see his mouth, but you know he was saying “Holy Shit, if you scored I can totally score!” Sorry, fourteenth Rasmus, you would not score in this game. But before we dive headlong into the negatives, and you know there is a lot of them, let’s sneak in some happy thoughts for your shortened work week. Victor Olofsson now has a four-game point streak with the Reinhart assist. Neat, right? In this economy!? A point streak during this stretch! There is more: Jack Eichel is now on a six-game point streak with six goals and five assists in that stretch. That’s the most points of any player on this team as if I needed to tell you that. I’m going to write a children’s book called Jack and Linus. It will be all about if you only have two friends in the world, you have to love them and treat them with respect. You have to defend them from the suburban hockey dads but also the stat geeks who will tell you Ullmark isn’t the best goalie in the organization. Yes, if this season is going to get bad I’m going to become a stan for Jack and Linus. I need something! I am not going to go to the Rochester Americans like I did in 2017-2018; they need to win a playoff game before I’m going to trust them with my heart again! Well after 2-1 we go headfirst into the rout.

First it was Mikhail Sergachev, the kid we passed on for Alex Nylander, getting a powerplay goal for the Lightning. Anthony Sciandra @SciandraSports brought up a devastating point: in November the Sabres have given up more goals on the powerplay than they’ve scored. They’re now 1-31 on the man advantage. That is the kind of stat where you can envision the Jennifer Lawrence Yikes gif as soon as you hear it. Are you ready? It. Gets. Worse! Yanni Gourde scores because to make it 3-2 Bolts and shortly thereafter this game gives us its hardest and most painful shot to the reproductive organs: the Sabres on the powerplay and Rasmus Dahlin drops the puck back before getting drilled in the face by Alex Cernak. When I say drilled, I mean the elbow was used as the drill head. Dahlin didn’t see it coming and falls to the ice. He did not return to the game. The zebras didn’t call it because of course they didn’t, this is the NHL! Cernak has a hearing but you and I both know this is a junk league, right? In a league where Robert Bortuzzo gets a four-game suspension for trying to murder Victor Arvidsson you know Cernak isn’t going to regret that hit. I don’t often use the term chicken shit but that was chicken shit. Ralph Krueger confirmed it was concussion in the postgame and say what you will about Krueger’s patience and hospitable manor, I would have preferred some anger over saying its in the league’s hands. I know you’ve been in England for a hot minute but over here we shit in the league’s mouth every chance we get. They deserve it. And the Sabres deserved the 5-2 loss that followed after surrendering in the third period. There was a 6-2 goal called back, but I think the game was over at that point.

How long am I going to be a Stan account? Well… if they lose to Calgary I am 100% going to stay this way into December. With a home-and-home series with the reborn Toronto Maple Leafs I’m going to need the armor of my sweet boys. Like, comment and share this blog if you need that armor as well. While you’re at it, if you like making fun little graphics, put Linus Ullmark and Jack Eichel in a little thing together; maybe two stoic faces back to back. I love the Eichel talking to Dahlin photo I got as my twitter cover now but if this gets rough I’m going to need the statuesque grace of Eichel and Ullmark watching over my tweets. I’m going Stan for now and it feels so right. It’s a busy holiday week on the blog, there is something going up every day. Yesterday and today it’s New Look Sabres. Tomorrow its State of the Support Episode Six, Thanksgiving Day its New Look Sabres again and Black Friday you’ll get a rare post from my religion blog: Hypostatic Thoughts. I think I’m going to post the one about Purgatory. That topic feels somewhat appropriate in a Sabres context right now as well, eh? Well I hope they don’t suck against Calgary. We’ll see! Let’s Go Buffalo!

Thanks for Reading.

P.S. My Ten Year Challenge tweet was a little too easy.