#this is kinda homoerotic I’m not gonna lie

[dioles-writes]

"WHITE LIES"

Masterlist | Credits go to @jiphenn | Characters: Felix (he/him), January (he/him)

“Do you stare at pictures of your dad every night?”

Felix stared at the ceiling, the question coming out before he could think about if it was rude or not, before he could think to stop himself.

The trickling of January’s fish tank was the only sound to be heard, almost soothing, but with January’s presence at his side, Felix was unable to sleep. He’d been lying in the same spot, still, for almost an hour, unable to rid the topic from his mind.

The longer he tried to wrap his head around it, the more confused he became. It just made no sense. January couldn’t be more proud about his identity as a Diole. Everyone else in the club was more indifferent to it, and if he was being honest, so was Felix. He would have rathered be born human, would have rathered to be born normal. Maybe then his life might have turned out better. But January wasn’t like at that at all. He loved Dioles, loved discussing about powers, loved all of it. Hell, he had even brought Felix here to practice his powers.

Why he’d have a special chest full of pictures of his deadbeat father, the very man who had banned the existence of Dioles, who funded the murders of millions, left Felix confused. He knew, logically, that Howard Restall was still January’s father, as hard as it was to believe. January was cheerful, friendly, and happy-go-lucky, not exactly what you’d expect from the son of head of Diole Eradication. Still, maybe part of it was the fact that Howard Restall had always seemed like more of an idea than a real person. This looming figure in Felix’s life to be afraid of, the person who had made his existence a living hell. To try and picture him as anything close to fatherly was impossible. He was sure that after only three days of knowing him, he was closer to January than his own father.

So why January would care about him enough to have his pictures plastered all over his empty, lifeless mansion after everything he had done… couldn’t make any sense to Felix.

January was silent for a second, before his answer came, quieter than before. “Yeah.”

“Why?” Felix shifted, turning to look at him.

They were inches apart, mint-green and lilac eyes locking on brown ones. January’s expression was unreadable in the dark of his room, his face a vague shadowy outline. “He’s my dad.”

“You said he pretends you don’t exist.” Felix said, puzzled. “And that he would kill you.”

“Yeah but,” January sighed. “I don’t know, maybe he’s doing it for a good reason.”

“Do you know why he started it?” He whispered.

“He doesn’t tell me anything.”

“But… you still think he’s killing for good?” Felix furrowed his eyebrows.

January took a deep breath and rolled onto his back, turning his face away. “Well I don’t support the killing but a part of me kinda hopes he’s doing this for me? Ignoring me for my own sake cause he cares. Y’know?” Felix could hear the slight smile in his voice at the end.

“Maybe he’s just a rich asshole that doesn’t care about anyone.” Felix said, an edge of resentment he couldn’t hide cracking through in his voice.

January laughed. “Probably. But it doesn’t hurt to dream, right?” He turned back to Felix with a small grin.

“I don’t know, maybe it is. Maybe you’re just tricking yourself.”

“Tricks are fun when nobody’s aware of them.”

“You’re lying to yourself.”

“White lies never hurt anyone.” January said with a small smile, voice soft.

“Yeah, they do. You’re delusioning yourself to think your dad is a good person.” Felix met his gaze once again. January’s mismatched eyes were unreadable, blinking back at him in the dark. “He’s not.”

“I know he’s a bad person. But that doesn’t mean I can’t wish he wasn’t.”

“I guess.” Felix mumbled.

“You’re a funny guy Felix.” January turned to the ceiling, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Felix raised a brow, propping himself up onto his elbows and glancing down at January. It didn’t seem to bother the boy; he closed his eyes, content. “Just what it sounds like.”

Felix went to open his mouth and press him further, but the latter had finally fell asleep. He sighed, flopping onto his pillow and stretching back out, left to wonder what January could have possibly meant.

January belongs to @jiphenn ^^

[nattylvr]

When you get a taste, can you tell me what’s my flavor?

requested\ yes

a/n: i got a request for a Tai slowburn, so you know i had to make it a homoerotic friendship, hope you enjoy it💞

warnings: best friends longing for each other, talk about exes, a little bit of angst

summary: You and Taissa were just friends, right?

Taissa was your best friend, nothing more, nothing less. You were on the same soccer team and you did everything together, but that’s normal, right?

Anyhow, her birthday was this Saturday and you made it your personal mission to let her have the best birthday ever, the one she’ll always remember. The whole squad was in on it, you already agreed with Lottie to have it at her huge ass house, nicely decorated. Nat and Van were gonna take care of the booze, and Jackie and Shauna were on food. You had the hardest task of all, and that was to convince her to show up. You’d thrown her a rager, with the whole school invited basically, but it wasn’t any good if she wasn’t there. Now, she loves parties, big ones, but convincing her to casually go to Lottie’s house on her birthday? That was gonna be tough, since Tai is known to be stubborn.

“How do you think i should convince her to come?” You asked Lottie, who was sat next to you at our lunch table

“What, you haven’t told her yet?” Lottie asked a little shocked

“No, of course not! I want it to be a surprise!” You said like it was the most obvious thing in the world

“Jesus Christ…I have no idea. But you better figure it the fuck out, or it’ll all have been for nothing!” Lottie said annoyed

“I kno-“

“What will have been for nothing?” Taissa asked, appearing behind us

“Uhh, my studying for the math quiz, if I don’t do well” Worst lie in history. Lottie seemed to think so as well when she had to hold back a laugh

“I’ll meet you guys later” Lot said getting up, the tension could’ve been cut with a knife

Tai sat across me, you kept eating and refusing to look her in the eye.

“Is there something you’re not telling me?” Tai asked knowing you couldn’t lie for too long

“No, everything is good…I mean not like good, just like…normal.” Good job!

“Mhm…and I definitely didn’t hear you talking about a surprise, right?” She asked staring right at my soul

“Fine, God I threw you a party…and it was supposed to be a surprise.” You said defeated

“Wha- Wait like a legit party?” Tai asked

“Yeah It’s at Lottie's, I made like a thousand written and copied invitations for our entire class and it said ‘Don’t mention to Taissa’ with these big red letters” When you told her about it you sounded kinda dorky to yourself, but it didn’t seem that way to her at all

“Don’t shy away, that’s so sweet of you! And I’ll totally act surprised in front of the others if you want me to.” She said holding your hand on the table gently

“Oh will you, reallyyy?” You asked her, you really wanted the girls to think she was mesmerized by your oh so hard work

“Yeah, sure.” She said not letting go of your hand

That was a success, but you couldn’t shake the feeling of only one thing.

Her hand was so soft

You just wanted to hold it forever. But that’s normal for best friends, right?

Yet there you were, supposed to be focusing on a test while thinking of Taissa’s hands

When school was done, you got in your car, of course you were giving Tai a ride, so you waited for her. It is safe to say when you saw her exiting school you were not happy. She was walking with Van who she used to date. In her defense they did break up on good terms, but you still didn’t like it. But that’s normal, you were just looking out for your friend, right?

“Hey sweetie” Tai said opening the passenger seat door and getting in

“Hi love…so what are you gonna wear tomorrow?” You asked her in anticipation

“Well I was thinking that orange dress, with the headband, they match” She said touching up her gloss, looking in her compact mirror

“I’m not sure whether to wear a dress at all.”

“You should, you always wear baggy clothes.” Tai said

“Why does that matter?” You asked her as you started to drive

“Well you look super hot when you dress up.”

She was leaning her head against the seat looking right at you. At this point you were really hoping she wouldn’t notice the slight redness that spread across your cheeks. I mean it’s still normal to blush when your friend compliments you…

As you got home you basically tried on your entire closet. You really wanted her to be impressed by your look, and didn’t even realize it had been hours. How is it possible you have quite literally nothing to wear? However in a time of crisis you dialed the first person who came to mind for fashion advice.

“Jackie! I need serious help.” You leaned against the wall, whining to her on the phone

“What’s going on?” She didn’t even need to ask who called, that kinda humbled you

“I need fashion advice! Like what the fuck do I wear for Tai to think I’m hot?” That last part must’ve just slipped out…

“What? Why would you want Tai to think you’re hot?” She asked, sounding genuinely confused

“Just forget I said that, but pleaseeeee Jackie You have to lend me something!”

“Fine, fine…I’ll give you the red dress, the one I gave Shauna some time ago”

“The boob dress?”

“That would be the one…”

“Okay, you’re the best. Love ya mwah mwah” You said, not waiting for her to say anything before hanging up

You still couldn’t shake the feeling of quite a few things. Why were you so obsessed with Taissa thinking you look good? And why were you so envious of Van, it didn’t make any sense to you. You kept thinking about these things until you fell asleep and the next day subtly rolled around. You were woken up by the doorbell at around 10am, and your mother calling you over, telling you that it’s for you.

“Jackie, hey” You said, opening the door and seeing the paper bag in her hand

“Hey, I came to drop off the dress…you look like shit, did you sleep okay?” She asked bluntly

“Gee, thanks…I slept okay I just have a lot on my mind.” Well you weren’t lying

“If you say so, here you go.” She said handing me the bag

“Thanks. Wanna come in?” You didn’t really want her to, but you did ask her to be polite

“No I have to go to back home, my mom is having people over for brunch…I’ll see you tonight.”

“Okay, bye.”

As the day slowly but agonizingly passed, you started getting ready. You did your makeup all nice, same for your hair, and were genuinely amazed by how good your boobs looked in that dress. Now you were supposed to pick up Tai.

Why were you so nervous over it

Nevertheless, you made it to her house, watching her exit her home. You jaw almost went slack on the floor because of how beautiful she looked. How was it even possible?

“Happy birthday Tai!” You squealed when she entered the car

“Thank you love” She said putting on her seatbelt and smiling at you

“ I’m so excited to get fucked up” You said as you started driving over to Lottie’s

“Yeah well not too fucked up, you know how you get” She said mockingly

“I’m not that bad at all!” You try to defend yourself

“Dude you are so lightweight.” She said like it was the most obvious thing in the world

You had a small pit in your stomach as you parked by the house. It was a gnawing feeling that something was gonna happen and ruin your mood. But for the time being you chose to ignore it and make sure Tai has fun. She played off the fake surprise perfectly, and you lot got to partying your asses off.

But that gross gut feeling turned out to be true. The more she drank the more she hung out with Van. They were all touchy and it was making you sick. Drink after drink you started losing your mind, and danced with the first person who asked you to do so. Little did you know Taissa was on the verge of tears when she saw you grinding against someone else.

You didn’t even know how you felt anymore. Everything was fuzzy and you couldn’t make out a single familiar face. That is, until you saw Natalie sitting by the bonfire with her burnout friends, deciding to go and recollect yourself there.

“Hey Nat”

“Oh, hi” She said. You could see she was high off her ass.

“You havin’ fun?” She asked

“No.” Natalie was easy to talk to, especially when you were both out of it

“Oh, what happened?” She asked nonchalantly, but you knew she did care

“I think I’m in love with my best friend.” You couldn’t believe you actually said it out loud. After all this time denying it to yourself and everyone around you, it felt a bit freeing

“Yeah no shit” She said with a small chuckle

“That obvious?”

“…Yeah” Nat said confronting you

“You should drink some water”

“So should you”

“Touchè”

___________________________________________

After sobering up a little you found yourself playing truth or dare with about 20 kids. Tai and Van were still attached at the hip, it made you wanna throw up.

“Okay, birthday girl. Truth or dare?”

You didn’t really catch who asked her

“Hmm…dare” Taissa said holding her red solo cup and taking a sip of her beer

“I dare you…to make out with your little girlfriend”

Van, they were talking about Van. Your heart flipped as you silently prayed she wouldn’t go through with it.

“Dare’s a dare” She said as she kissed her ex. You couldn’t even take it, so you ran off to your car, sitting in it and weeping for a few minutes until you heard someone come in

___________________________________________ Taissa’s POV

I kissed Van and it felt almost nauseating. She was into it, eveyone was. Kinky teenage boys screaming for us, which made it so much worse. As i finally pulled away i noticed that y/n was gone. I sat there not sure what to do. I went to the kitchen to get a drink and take my mind off of her.

“Well you successfully made her jealous” Van’s voice.

“What?” I asked, knowing full well that was what I tried to do

“Your best friend, the one who basically ran off?” Van said

“I wasn’t trying to-“ I try to defend myself

“Look Tai, her car’s still out front. Do what you gotta do” Van said and her words cut deep as a knife. I basically ran over to her, as i found her with ruined mascara and that awful, sad look in her eyes.

___________________________________________ Your POV

“Taissa?” You said as you saw her with a worried look on her face

“Listen, I was such an idiot for doing that, but I’m here now, okay?” She said completely out of breath

“Tai what are you-“

You were cut off by her lips pressing against yours. She captured you in the sweetest kiss you had ever exchanged, the perfect first one. As her arms were around your neck, your hands found her waist, pulling her flush against you

“That.”

[nortism]

doctor who liveblog pt 18

s3 ep11 utopia

- jack harkness episode!!!!! he’s back from the war!!!

- always cardiff with these ppl

- AYYY JACKIE BOY

- uh oh the end of the universe

- oh fuck did jack die

- back from the brink of death and already flirting

- omg the doctor is a real dick 😭😭

- glad martha had someone to bond with

- yooo jack’s immortal??

- OMG THE PROFESSOR HAS THE WATCH

- OMG THE PROFESSOR IS A TIMELORD

- YANA YOU ARE NOT ALONE WHATTTTTTTTT

- omggggg he’s an evil timelord

- GET HIS ASS CHANTHO

- HES THE MASTER ?!??!!!?!!? i’ve heard of this guy

- CHANTHO NOOOOOOOOOO

- she’s still alive LETS GOOOO

- oh shit he’s in the tardis

- oh fucj he’s gonna regenerate

- why are u as a man calling another man master??

- oh no the tardis is gone, they are fucked

s3 ep12 the sound of drums

- oh they escaped that’s good

- oh he’s harold saxon

- martha i can’t believe u didn’t vote

- IS A DOCTOR

- idk why he decided that the uk was the country from which he needed to take over the world but that’s doctor who logic 😭😭

- good to see that tish got a nice new job

- oh fuck he’s killed the cabinet

- most unrealistic part of this episode is that an alien became prime minister without being part of one of the two main parties

- who’d call himself the doctor???

- wait what happened to my girl harriet jones?

- oh shit he’s gonna kill the journalist

- lucy ur husband is gay

- oh he’s a hypnotist

- FUCK THERES A BOMB

- good of him to warn her about the bomb he planted in her room

- YES THEN MARTHA’S DAD

- oh martha’s mum u fucked up

- theres a real fucked up homoerotic undertone to the doctor/master dynamic

- what did i say?

- ok i’m kinda obsessed with the master, he’s cunty as hell

- the teletubbies r pretty cool

- starting to think the time lords aren’t great

- oh fuck jack is in torchwood

- uh oh the phones r evil

- oh my poor girl 😭😭

- fucking americans

- oh shit martha’s parents

- oh no the tardis

- oh shit he just blew up the president

- i giggled

- laser screwdriver!!

- oh fuck he was behind the lazarus thing

- sorry the doctor getting old man-ified was a little funny

- OH FUXK YEAH THEYRE PLAYING VOODOO CHILD NOW THIS IS TELEVISION

- bye bye martha

- YES THEN MARTHA

- another fucking bible reference, they r loving those this season

- on one hand, it’s bad that the master is trying to end the world, one the other, cunty queer coded villains are what i come to 2000s television for

s3 ep13 last of the time lords

- this is a lot of pressure on martha, why isn’t it the immortal fucker’s job to save the world?

- ONE YEAR LATER???

- MARTHA MY LOVE

- OH YESS THE SCISSOR SISTERS, THIS IS CINEMA

- oh they’ve crucified jack harkness

- uh oh prison break

- the old man is being old man-ified again

- where’d he go

- oh jesus fuck that’s horrible

- oh this is the doctor at his most pathetic

- at least martha’s parents are back together

- WHAT THE FUCJ IS THAT IN THE SPHERE

- NO ITS THE HUMANS FROM THE FUTURE

- oh shit the professor is a snitch

- oh fuck here he comes

- OH YES THE POWER OF WORDS AND BELIEF

- OH YEAH SAVING THE WORLD WITH A HUG AND FORGIVENESS

- uh oh they telported

- yesss homoerotic fight on a cliff let’s goo

- oh yeah his wife!!!!

- i could do without the misogyny i won’t lie

- omg he fucking died

- rip king, be nicer to women in the next life

- FUCK OFF JACK IS THE FACE OF BOE

- aww the poor doctor alone again

- good on martha for knowing when to leave

- OH FUCK HE DID REGENERATE

- what

possibly controversial but i preferred s3 to s2 despite being a rose girlie always and forever. that ruled and I LOVE U MARTHA JONES

[a-la-folie-et-plus]

Live-blogging my first time watching SAW

- oh shit, starts off full on

- my phone’s on 28%, when it dies I have to stop watching because I’m not doing this on full attention

- NO HEAD! NO HEAD! (Early 2000’s gore is surprisingly bearable)

- why is Laurence Gordon kinda…

- I’ve made it through 6 minutes!! Only 1hr37 left to go and then I can say I’ve survived watching SAW

- what if he just…didn’t play the tape lol

- Adam! (The vine reference…it’s…funny to me)

- oh Lawrence KNOWS they’re gonna kill each other

- puppy dog eyes my beloved

- bathroom’s a lot bigger than I always thought it would be, honestly shit’s SPACIOUS

- if they could just waste as much time as possible trying to get this cassette player that would be great thank you

- honestly what did Adam do

- you could just slide the tape but go off I guess

- it would suck to be Adam, like imagine not being the main character, just being brought in for some guy…objectification

- follow your heart —> kiss Adam

- aww the heart on the toilet it kind of bbg, at least he gave them deco

- Adam why would you pass him the hacksaw. He is trying to kill you.

- great job Adam, now only one of you has a weapon and it’s the one actively trying to murder you.

- workers of the world unite, the only thing you have to lose is your…feet

- I mean, I think he died because he got sawed in half, just a crazy guess

- HE TORTURED A GUY BECAUSE HE TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF??

- maybe I’m just dumb but like how does the razor wire kill him? What even is razor wire

- that is not a jigsaw piece, that is a misshapen lump. Let’s not reach at times like these

- if I were him I would just have like…not picked up that candle

- cancelling Jigsaw for not normalising mental illness, I’m getting problematic vibes from this guy

- getting homoerotic vibes from him painting a naked man’s body with flammable liquid, like…did he NEED to be naked? Or was that just a want.

- hate to say it but Gordon kinda looks better all grimed up

- oh that’s that one guy! He’s in like every crime show. This man has Stable Employment.

- short break to flex my unshackled legs, charge my charger and turn on the light

- honestly this is still fine, more interesting than horrible

- someone survived? People can do that?

- how come she got the horrifying bear trap and all they got was ankle cuffs? Kinda sexist ngl

- make your choice?? I feel like it’s a pretty easy choice

- oh shit that’s a grenade

- so wait how did she survive? Surely that’s impossible

- girl now is not the time to faff around

- OH WAIT HE’S ALIVE!!

- she could’ve just killed him, honestly that’s on her

- I’m pretty sure she’s evil but girlboss, honestly

- here comes this fucking guy, Jesus Christ

- girl he did not help you let’s be real here

- lightheaded from nerves but I’m half an hour in

- my smart little detective bb Adam

- this is the most fun I’ve had without lubricant lmaooooo Adam tell em

- if he kills the daughter I’m gonna riot. I better not see that fuckass puppet right now

- he’s kinda a good dad, like that was cute I can’t lie

- is someone gonna ask the daughter what the man said to her?? I feel like you would definitely at least ASK

- I’m a good chunk through this movie and it’s only mildly unsettling, I’m beginning to think I’m just a pussy

- sneaky, ranks are breaking in the spacious bathroom

- I am simply not afraid of a man wearing a blanket

- if he kills them I will stop being able to tolerate this “jigsaw is morally grey” narrative, they did literally nothing wrong

- actually the child’s kinda annoying, why can she only make one noise

- did he only have 3 prior victims or did they only have the budget to show flashbacks of those guys

- I’d love to be an over-dedicated detective, staying back from drinks to eat shitty Chinese takeaway at my desk and stay up all night in a rumpled shirt, running my hands through my hair over ‘evidence’

- oop he knew they were comingggggggg

- in half an hour I gotta go cook my spaghetti

- if the puppet move’s I’m freaking out

- call me crazy but just shoot jigsaw the minute you see he’s gonna screwdriver lobotomise that guy? Clearly this mans is bad

- arresting him is objectively more important

- at least pull the hood back, I swear to god

- again, I cannot be afraid of this caped crusader, Dungeons-and-Dragons-ass villain

- short break for my mental health (mommy came home) then back to it and feeling strong

- rahhhh death metal as the killer escapes, I simply have to vibe

- oh he survived, that’s rad

- it’s zander!!

- the girls are fightinggggggggggggg

- glow in the dark paint are you fucking kidding me this film is so unserious

- so do Adam and Lawrence fuck or what

- I don’t know how to explain this but Lawrence’s face is so Lana del Rey genderswapped

- ewwwwwwww he’s so ugly in a suit😖😭😖😖😭

- oh lawd he crawlin

- what in the fuck is. That

- Adam choking is genuinely the funniest thing I’ve ever seen, genuinely why does he do that

- the acting is killing me, why is this a comedy movie

- Adam’s literallt just an urban photographer

- let me guess, jigsaw’s right there and it’s gonna show him in the flash (wow, crazy)

- come out I’ll kill you! - he says, with no weapon and zero upper body strength (I love my pathetic babygirl)

- how did time go that FAST, goddamn

- oh Jesus, kidnapped child moment

- ohhhhhhhh, shit boutta go DOWN

- I really thought these SAW traps were a time-crunch, in-and-out thing, it feels like these guys have so much downtime

- vigilante Adam arc

- is the picture of Lawrence drinking a smoothie really necessary??

- Lawrence killed a hooker confirmed

- it’s giving Nicki Minaj phone call

- why does Jigsaw, a stalker, hate Adam, also a stalker

- Adam’s just a girlboss trying to survive in this modern economy

- they have made no progress out of this goddamn bathroom, these guys are utterly useless

- how come everyone else gets these crazy punishments for running out of time and theirs is like…he just fucking comes in there and shoots you

- the I Need You was unnecessary and gay

- why am I suddenly feeling the urge to also watch the sequel

- could he stop yelling

- Adam is yelling because he is an empath

- nooooooooooooooooo Adammmmmmmmmm

- bitch the time was up!! He wasn’t going to let you see your wife and kid!!

- I appreciate the bit of fabric covering up his gross leg

- see, just like I said.

- get his ass, baby

- are they about to kiss

- why does he fucking sound like that

- why do I feel like he absolutely WOULD lie to him, that sneaky bitch. Tricksy

- That’s a bigass bullet wound

- so that’s not even jigsaw

- who the fuck is that wait what who the fuck is that

- I thought that was what happened to the key!!

- no way he lay there that still the entire time that’s crazy

- game over lmao that’s so funny he can’t be serious

[markantonys]

amol chapters 21-36, though once again contains major spoilers for character endgame fates that still haven’t happened yet as of chapter 36

so asha’man can compel aes sedai with the bond but aes sedai can’t compel asha’man? that’s rancid

“she also wanted to be done with the black tower” mood!

my man demandred shows up with the sharans, being very sexy as always. don’t lie, we all have our FILF (forsaken i’d like to fuck) demandred is mine 100%. i love an evil man with a weird nose and an antagonistic homoerotic obsession with the hero (see: francesco pazzi in i medici season 2). i hope he doesn’t get cut from the show and instead absorbs some of the less sexy forsaken’s plotlines so that he can have something to do prior to the final season lmao

he’s acting like a jilted ex by claiming that he has “crawled through the depths of sorrow and risen up to accept my glory,” asking people if they know anything about rand, saying that leane is beautiful but he doesn’t give a shit because he just wants her to deliver a message to rand. “tell him i will finally have satisfaction.” literally the gayest possible way you could’ve phrased that my dude

“i will slaughter and destroy. i will seize his people. i will enslave his children, i will take his women for my own. one by one, i will break, destroy, or dominate everything he has loved. the only way for him to avoid this is for him to come and face me.” somebody is not taking his recent breakup well! his recent 3000-years-ago breakup. on a more serious note, exhibit fucking A of how stupid it was for bashere to make elayne publicize that rand is the babies’ dad!

i’m laughing about all these gay dramatics because rand is literally about to go face the dark one, he does NOT have time for your shit demandred. he’s gonna hear this message and be like “oh my god why are you so obsessed with me” and then continue on to shayol ghul. the dark one is gonna be facepalming that demandred’s gay dramatics are trying to get in the way of his faceoff with rand.

previously we’ve discussed that demandred is mat’s foil, but he’s also gawyn’s foil: homoerotic obsession with rand that consumes their every waking thought meanwhile rand never thinks about them and has no idea they’re obsessed with him. but gawyn was able to get over his onesided breakup and find closure where demandred couldn’t. although rand DID have that angsty gay thought about how maybe demandred wouldn’t have turned to the shadow if rand/LTT had loved him instead of competed with him, so not quite as onesided as gawyn. we’ve also previously discussed mat and gawyn foiling each other (young extremely skilled military men thrust into leadership positions they didn’t want, wary of being used by aes sedai, complicated relationships with rand), so this is just a nice trio of foils here.

in conclusion, demandred and LTT are that post that’s like “characters that never dated but are definitely exes now”

when perrin vanishes graendal’s balefire in TAR: “the woman started. they always did that. didn’t they realize that nothing was real here except what you thought to be real?” i’m so sick of perrin reading 1 wikipedia article on TAR and then acting like he knows it better than women who’ve been studying it for years (he also kinda did this with the wise ones when they tried to warn him against going in the flesh and then once he did so he was like “this doesn’t feel evil, they’re wrong about that”)

“a warrior who will not strike a maiden is a warrior who refuses her honor.” king gaul!!! and we have quite a bit of both gaul and lanfear shaming perrin for Not Killing Women and perrin himself acknowledging that it was foolish of him not to kill graendal when he had the chance. this combined with lan’s scene in the last chapter chunk, i feel like sanderson is coming down hard on how stupid this rj attitude was lmao bless

lanfear says that graendal was invading bashere’s dreams oh no!!!! what did she do!!!! i’m remembering that min had some kinda Darkness viewing about bashere and biting my nails!!!

well, if bashere is under the influence of the shadow then at least that would explain why he made elayne endanger herself and the babies by making her tell everyone rand is the dad lmao idk if he WAS under the influence of the shadow back at that time, but i’m going to believe he was in order to rationalize that buckwild stupidity.

“[egwene] looked at [gawyn], a cold strength in her eyes, and nodded. light! how could she be so calm when he had to clench his teeth for fear they would start rattling together?” that’s our wife!!

gawyn is using the bloodknife rings oooh sexy

at the shayol ghul group, rand has placed aviendha in charge ❤️❤️ so we could’ve had rand facing off against the dark one, aviendha leading at shayol ghul, elayne leading the armies, and mat maybe helping her lead the armies if he was here instead of ebou dar. power polycule!!!

aviendha sees rand approaching the cavern: “he wore his coat of red and gold, but under it a simple two rivers shirt. what he had become and what he had been, wrapped together in one.” 😭 rand has two swords, callandor and laman’s sword. “he carried that because of her. fool man.” 😭😭 “aviendha raised her hand to him, and he raised his in return. that would be their only farewell if he failed in his task or she died during hers. with a last look, she turned away from him and toward her duty.” 😭😭😭😭😭

randlayne was given priority for a number of chapters, and then in this brief portion avirand got priority - avi is the last one to see rand here, and she’s also the last one who got an on-page Relationship Moment with him (a couple chapters ago when they were standing together after scoping out shayol ghul), not to mention the Romance of her being the one leading the group protecting him outside the cavern. meanwhile min has only exchanged about 3 words with rand in the entire book 😌 fueling my belief that min was just sex while rand was Going Through It and desperate for companionship and she was literally the only one available, but elayne and avi are his endgame. now that the end has come and he’s back with his other loved ones, min has all but vanished from his mind and from the book while elayne and avi are the ones he’s focused on and the ones who have onscreen Relationship Scenes with him. min didn’t even GET an onscreen goodbye with him at all lmao! cadsuane mentioned that rand had given min jewelry as a goodbye gift but we didn’t see the interaction! we love to see it! or not see it, in this case.

we have a battle scene here that i did enjoy because it was wonderful to see avi flexing her leadership AND channeling skills! a perfect culmination of her character arc!

moiraine on the shayol ghul cavern: “this is not the bore, this is not the dark one’s prison.” it’s not? oh. well then...................i don’t know what the bore is and at this point i’m too afraid to ask. (update: later on it’s mentioned how the bore is Outside The Pattern. i would very much enjoy seeing the show adapt this whole pit of doom confrontation because it’s hard for me to visualize so far in this chapter chunk.)

so moiraine and nynaeve will be the 2 women to use callandor with rand. awww i really think one should’ve been egwene since she and rand have been foils and two sides of the same coin and complements and yin and yang and co-protagonists for so long. bummer! i think her instead of nynaeve would’ve had more impact bc it would’ve shown how far rand has come out of his paranoia and self-isolation, if he was doing this with 2 aes sedai he strongly mistrusted for a long time rather than with nynaeve who was always the only one he never mistrusted or pushed away. and in fact it would’ve been such beautiful poetic cinema if callandor only required 1 man and 1 woman and it was just rand and egwene going into the cavern together. haha i was also thinking that egwene would’ve been better than perrin doing all the TAR stuff, so i guess my dream last battle would just be egwene doing EVERY task jkfjg it’s what she deserves!

nynaeve is wearing a beautiful dress because of course women be dressing to the nines to go BATTLE THE DARK ONE

i once saw someone say that the dark one’s all-caps dialogue makes them think of an old person on facebook accidentally writing things in all caps all the time and now that is always what i think of jkfgjh

rand is now entering the cave, so he officially has no time to deal with demandred’s gay dramatics and in fact has never even heard about them. god it would be so funny if demandred gets killed without ever coming face to face with rand in the entire series, that’s HUGE gawyn-onesided-homoerotic-rivalry-with-rand energy!

“an empress had to be crafty, strong, and skilled if she was to survive” and we have never actually seen tuon be any of those things, we’ve only been told that she is, so i guess that means she won’t be long for this world yeah baby!

“matrim would never be a rival...was not the prince of the ravens a check upon the empress, to keep her strong by providing a constant threat?” see, if the ship had been done well, i would be swooning over the romance of tuon being puzzled that for the first time she has a healthy relationship and a family member who won’t try to kill her, but it wasn’t, so instead i’m just like “yeah i WISH mat was a rival and a threat to her” (but i can soothe myself that maybe this is a sign that mat WILL someday be her and the empire’s downfall, and she’s just underestimating him here as usual)

wait shit tuon believes that rand knelt before the crystal throne, and now that i think about it he did do so literally and also kinda did do so metaphorically since he let her walk all over him in arranging their “alliance,” but the dragon kneeling before the crystal throne was a marker of the bad future in avi’s visions..............OH NO

tuon can you stop forcibly renaming mat FOR FIVE MINUTES

mat just says “knotai? i kind of like it” because by this point he has been officially slave-broken and happily accepts his new slave name

but again i can soothe myself that tuon naming him this as “a bringer of destruction” is a sign that someday it’ll backfire on her and he’ll bring destruction to the empire rather than to the empire’s enemies, as she believes here

mat tells tuon that they have to go help egwene’s army and has the audacity to be upset that she seems like she either might not help or might use the opportunity to enslave all the aes sedai. “i never thought the leopards would eat MY face,” sobs woman who voted for the Leopards Eating People’s Faces party.

“you gave your word.” “i signed a treaty. any treaty can be broken, particularly by the empress...the empress cannot be constrained by words on a paper.” LMAO wasn’t there a bit in a past book where she insisted that she was so honorable and always kept her promises? LMAOOO and she’s always pressed about the westlanders not keeping their oaths (that they never swore anywhere but in her deranged mind) and whatnot.

me after violating a legal document that i signed: i cannot be constrained by words on a paper 😌

she doesn’t Actually break the treaty yet because she decides it’s in her best interests to help the ~marath’damane army~ so she can use them to defeat the shadow (with the alternative being go back to seanchan right now, solidify her rule, and then come back to fight the shadow with her own forces. because obviously we totally have enough time for that, tuon, it’s not as if the last battle started DAYS ago or anything.) however, this just proves how fucking stupid and pointless the seanchan peace treaty is - tuon does not consider herself bound by it in any way and WILL violate it the SECOND it inconveniences her.

“the clouds had parted above them - they often did when [elayne] was near, one way the bond with rand manifested” ❤️❤️ romance!

just a week or two ago i saw someone shitting on elayne’s pre-battle speech in this book and saying it was lame, but i just read it and it rocks??? fuck off. elayne says “i am supposed to reassure you but i cannot...doing so would remove responsibility...this is not a day for empty promises” and people say it’s lame and not inspiring, but if she HAD hyped the soldiers up more with false positivity then people would’ve said she was being insensitive of the gravity of the situation and treating war as child’s play. there is literally no winning for elayne among Certain Readers.

“birgitte, i am in command, and you are my soldier. you will obey...i’m one of the few channelers of any strength this army has, and i’ll be drawn and quartered before i let myself sit out the fight. i’m easily worth a thousand soldiers on this battlefield.” GO OFF!!!!!!

birgitte tries to protest about the babies, because as we know those are the people she actually cares about and elayne is just a vessel for them in her eyes, and elayne claps back with “even if min hadn’t had that viewing, i’d still insist on fighting. you think the babes of these soldiers aren’t at risk? many of them line the walls of that city! if we fail here, they will be slaughtered. no, i will not keep myself out of danger, and no, i will not sit back and wait. if you think it’s your duty as my warder to stop me, then i will bloody sever this bond right here and now and send you to someone else! i’m not gong to spend the last battle lounging on a chaise and drinking goat’s milk!” YES!!! 👏👏👏👏👏 CHEERING AND PUMPING MY FIST

also, this is another example of there being no winning for elayne among Certain Readers: she does stuff like this and they complain that she’s reckless and gets people killed and Doesn’t Listen To Birgitte, but if she were to spend the last battle lounging on a chaise and drinking goat’s milk they’d complain about her doing nothing and letting everyone else die in her place.

mark my words, lounging on a chaise and drinking goat’s milk is exactly how tuon will spend the last battle. probably min too.

“an odd sensation came to mind. one of the women was in trouble. was it elayne? aviendha? he could not tell.” when rand senses one of his bondholders is in trouble, elayne and aviendha are the only two he cares about 😌 either that or he doesn’t even consider min could be in danger because she’s not doing anything in the battle lmao

moridin arrives. “you could step aside. if my victory is not assured, neither is your fall. let me pass. for once, make the choice you know you should.” “now? now you beg me to return to the light? i have been promised oblivion. finally, nothing, a destruction of my entire being. an end. you will not steal that from me, lews therin! by my grave, you will not!” and they start swordfighting. poor demandred, he wants what ishamael has with rand. demandred and gawyn shaking on the gates yelling “let me in!” whilst rand is too busy in his intense and complicated *and reciprocal* relationships with ishamael and mat.

also, like lanfear, ishamael hovers just on the edge of being a really interesting and complex villain and character, and i hope the show will bring out his motives and psychology more especially through use of AOL flashbacks. it already did a great job establishing “i just want existence to end” as a motive for joining the shadow via dana.

perrin sees the cavern battle from TAR: “two men, locked in battle. two women, as if frozen.” if moiraine and nynaeve spend the entire battle just frozen and not doing anything i’ll be so mad lmao i guess it’s actually good that egwene wasn’t wasted here

perrin and gaul are attacked by aiel male channelers who have been turned to the shadow. this is so interesting, why the hell is it just kind of a 5-page footnote in the final book of the series? why didn’t we get any aiel asha’man? that would’ve been so cool!

“i killed two of those myself, perrin aybara. one could channel. i think myself great with honor, then you slide in and take two captive. bain would laugh herself all the way back to the three-fold land if she saw this.” aw a tidbit of gaul-bain banter/friendship! it should be gaul and bain who are first-siblings rather than bain and chiad. like maybe bain and chiad are already lovers, gaul and chiad start falling for each other, and bain’s resistance is to taking gaul as her first-brother and sharing chiad with him, and then they get a nice little rivals to friends to first-siblings arc. it would’ve made so much more sense! i’m hoping the show will give us mixed gender first-siblings in general (and first-brothers, getting rid of the nonsense that men are worse at being close friends with each other than women are lmao)

“i don’t like fighting beside those seanchan” king gawyn strikes again! and egwene thinks that she “should be fighting the seanchan with every breath, not allying with them. her instincts rebelled as she approached the gathering of seanchan.” i swear to god gawyn and egwene are the only people who still remember that the seanchan suck (and elayne, i believe she was resistant to the idea of allying with them back in the big meeting?)

“egwene’s chances depended on the seanchan joining the battle and engaging the sharan channelers. her stomach twisted...the seanchan damane were not free women; they could not choose to fight. from what she’d seen of the sharan male channelers, they were little more than animals themselves.” queen egwene being the only one to acknowledge this!

“egwene revised her expectations. she’d imagined fortuona as a spoiled adolescent, the product of a coddled lifetime.” no yeah you were right on the money there egwene no revisions needed

egwene absolutely OWNS tuon throughout this conversation and it gives me so much life!!!!!! it is so goddamn satisfying to see someone FINALLY stand up to tuon, given the way she carries a spine-removal kit around (to use @butterflydm​’s extremely apt analogy) for use on literally every single other character who has interacted with her thus far.

now i am going to take a pause simply to record some epic egwene quotes before going back to analysis mode

when tuon says she’d considered whether it would be appropriate for her to speak to egwene with her own voice: “i have considered myself whether it would be appropriate to speak to one such as yourself, who has committed such terrible atrocities.” OOH

when tuon decides oh so generously to see egwene as a queen rather than as a marath’damane for this conversation: “no. you will see me for what i am, woman. i demand it.” OOOH

when tuon agrees and says that she’s spoken to marath’damane before, as it’s allowed for an empress to speak with her pet hounds: “then i will speak with you directly as well. for the amyrlin judges many trials. she must be able to speak to murderers and rapists in order to pass sentence upon them. i think you would be at home in their company, though i suspect they would find you nauseating.” OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH a worthy successor to that epic elaida clapback

“i represent the ultimate proof that your society and empire are built upon falsehoods. here i stand, a woman you insist should be collared for the common good. and yet i display none of the wild or dangerous tendencies that you claim i should have. so long as i am free from your collars, i prove to every man and woman who draws breath that you are a liar.” OOOOOHHH and the other seanchan murmur at this!

there will be more epic quotes coming but now i want to analyze. suffice it to say that this was me throughout this scene:

tuon insists that egwene wouldn’t criticize the collar if she’d known its peace and whatever nauseating shit, and egwene reveals to everybody that she WAS collared and she HATED IT!! tuon is big mad because she didn’t know this so now egwene’s made her look like a fool (and undermined the damane system and her authority) in front of a lot of people.

tuon rounds on mat to demand why he never told her that egwene was collared. he replies, “i didn’t think too much about it. she wasn’t one for very long.” boy i bet egwene wishes SHE was able to not think too much about it! mat has deadass been mooning over the head slaver for all these books with that one time his best friend was enslaved by these people just completely slipping his mind. he also chimes in with an obedient little “may she live forever” when tuon ends a sentence with “the empress” which is sickening.

egwene’s FIRST assumptions when she sees mat among the seanchan are that he’s undercover and they don’t know who he really is or that he’s a captive, that he’s in danger, and that she needs to save him from them. i think this is supposed to be a humorous role reversal of mat thinking these things about egwene being amyrlin when he first arrives in salidar, but it’s absolutely heartbreaking. egwene sees her close friend all buddy-buddy with the people who enslaved her and who have enslaved or murdered countless of her sisters and allies, and she assumes that mat must be there for an ulterior motive or not of his own free will, but nope, he voluntarily threw himself in with them because he was into tuon’s ~mysterious eyes.~ and how can i laugh at egwene ~presumptively~ thinking mat needs a rescue, when he DOES need a rescue before he spends the rest of his life miserable and under tuon’s thumb?

egwene says that their marriage was a result of tuon getting caught up in mat’s ta’veren pull (which tuon denies). “‘being ta’veren never did get me much,’ mat said sourly.” so is he admitting that he doesn’t want this marriage or this life?

tuon is mad at mat for not telling her about egwene’s stint as a damane and says “we will speak of this on another occasion. it will not be pleasant.” and later in the scene when he displeases her, “we will have many words about this tonight” 🚩🚩🚩

“egwene regarded the woman, baffled. light! these people were completely insane.” YES. YES THEY ARE. what a breath of fresh air to see a pov character FINALLY acknowledge this. egwene you’re the only bitch in this house i ever respected.

“oh, light, rand. what did you promise them?” mood

egwene actually makes an effort to get concessions from tuon AND SUCCEEDS (tuon agrees to give up tremalking) unlike rand just going “oh well there’s nothing i can do” the second tuon counters him and mat just standing there silently not even trying. because egwene is the only bitch in this house i ever respected.

me @ every character but egwene, gawyn, and elayne: you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair

egwene announces that all sul’dam can channel. tuon tells her not to spread such lies. “oh? shall we test it, fortuona? you said you trained them yourself. you are a sul’dam, i presume? put the a’dam on your neck. i dare you. if i am wrong, it will do nothing to you. if i am right, you will be subject to its power, and will prove to be marath’damane...let us do it and test the real strength of your commitment. if you prove to be able to channel, will you do as you claim others should? will you stroll up to the collar and snap it around your own neck, fortuona? will you obey your own laws?” i am screaming and hollering in approval, but then, for some GODFORSAKEN reason, this DOES NOT HAPPEN. at this point being collared and forced to channel is literally the only thing that could possibly force tuon into any sort of character development, so WHY in the name of the light would you set this up so perfectly and then wuss out of following through???????????? what’s the point????????? i’m so mad!!!!!!!!! just when i think tuon might finally be forced to face a consequence for the first time in her life!!!

“‘i plan to live centuries,’ egwene hissed. ‘i will watch your empire crumble, fortuona. i will watch it with joy.’” AND YET EGWENE FUCKING DIES IN THE LAST BATTLE AND TUON’S EVIL ASS GETS TO LIVE!!!! IT’S SO UNFAIR I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!! nobody is going to stand up to the seanchan once egwene, possessor of the sole backbone in the westlands, is gone!!!! i’m sure egwene’s death will be a moving Heroic Sacrifice moment, but my god it’s the worst thing that could’ve possibly happened for the upcoming fourth age. the world doesn’t need rand or perrin or mat or nynaeve anymore after the last battle, but it needs egwene DESPERATELY. if an ef5 had to die, why couldn’t it have been literally any of them except egwene? except i don’t want rand to die because he deserves a second chance at life, and i don’t want nynaeve to die because she deserves her happy ending with lan after they’ve had a Doomed Relationship for so much of the series, and i don’t want mat to die because he needs to overthrow the seanchan empire and then go back to the westlands to marry rand and elayne. so, i will amend my statement: if an ef5 had to die, why couldn’t it have been perrin? lmao (tho i do stand by the fact that rand or nynaeve not making it would’ve been better For The World than egwene even if i would’ve been sad personally, and possibly mat as well unless i really AM meant to believe that he’ll destroy seanchan, in which case he needs to survive to the fourth age too)

mat intervenes and pushes them apart. “let’s be civil, ladies. don’t make me throw the pair of you over my knee.” i am going to strangle him and make it stick this time. my earlier-in-this-book sympathy for mat is over now, fuck post-WH mat all my homies hate post-WH mat. like can you IMAGINE a woman with no political authority saying this to two extremely powerful male rulers/leaders while they’re arguing about serious political and human rights topics? ..........okay cadsuane would absolutely do this, but aside from her.

“the people of the world need you two, and they need you levelheaded, you hear me?” they literally do not need tuon mat they would literally be so much better off without her. “this is bigger than any of us. when you fight each other, the dark one wins, and that is that. so stop behaving like children.” and so we have the culmination of the gross ass “one side wanting to enslave the other vs. the other not wanting to be enslaved being treated as equally petty, selfish, and in the wrong” theme that’s been present ever since COT. i’m fuming!!!! chewing rocks!!!!!!!!

“when you fight each other the dark one wins” would’ve been an effective line to use when the world leaders were squabbling in the big meeting scene or when rand and egwene were arguing, NOT when tuon is threatening to enslave egwene and egwene is saying she wants to see her slaver empire destroyed!

although at least mat does chide tuon a little bit extra and tell her that she needs egwene, and doesn’t say anything more to egwene or try to tell her that she needs tuon, so that’s a small mercy

the meeting ends and egwene returns to “where gawyn waited for her” sanderson couldn’t have gawyn present for/within earshot of the meeting because gawyn would’ve beat mat’s ass for treating egwene like that, and rightfully so. also because he would’ve just straight up killed tuon using his bloodknife ring abilities the second she threatened egwene. egwene wouldn’t kill tuon because she’s too practical and levelheaded, but gawyn would’ve snapped and taken her head off, my impulsive boy.

elayne’s exhausted herself channeling in battle, and birgitte actually admits that elayne was right to want to fight and that she did well and that seeing her fight right on the front lines inspired the soldiers, thank god.

elayne realizes that bashere’s been spreading misinformation, which led to them being taken by surprise by a second trolloc army, and concludes that he’s a darkfriend and fires him from being her general and puts him under guard. lan’s been noticing agelmar making mistakes too, so i’m guessing graendal’s messing with all the generals’ dreams.

i’m sad because i always was fond of bashere, but i’m also thrilled because now elayne is in charge and flexes her military general muscles and puts together a good battle plan on the spot! that’s my girl! fuck perrin and everyone else who claimed she’s only a good leader because she sits quietly and lets the male generals do all the work.

“the one power flooded into her, though she could hold only a trickle. she could act as if she weren’t exhausted, but her body knew the truth. she would lead them anyway.” ❤️❤️

min gets sent as a messenger from bryne to tuon. the aes sedai doing gateways have to make them as small as possible since they need to conserve their strength, and min is annoyed that they make her one so small she has to crawl through it. why don’t you do something useful rather than complaining that other people don’t have enough energy left to do things, min?

she mentions that one of the aes sedai notes her “breeches and curls” do NOT tell me min has been curling her hair even during the last fucking battle????? 💀💀 i hope that sanderson just forgot or didn’t realize that her hair wasn’t naturally curly (and it isn’t - there were multiple times in rj’s books where she mentioned that she started curling it For Rand) because otherwise, oh my god.

she’s been doing odd jobs in the camp for a week. interesting that a week has passed since the day before rand went to the pit of doom. “it wasn’t work that had required her, specifically, but it was better than sitting in tear and worrying about rand...or being angry at him for forbidding her to go to shayol ghul.” meanwhile, avi was briefly disappointed that rand wouldn’t take her but accepted immediately that it was the right course of action. “you’d have been a liability there, min told herself. you know it. he couldn’t worry about saving the world and protecting her from the forsaken at the same time.” at least she admits it. “sometimes, it was hard not to feel insignificant in a world of channelers like rand, elayne, and aviendha.” that’s because you ARE insignificant 😌 like, there are so many ways to pull off “non-magical non-warrior character has strength in other areas” and none of them were used with min. her viewings are useless and the emotional support she allegedly provides for rand is either nonexistent or detrimental 90% of the time.

like what’s going on???? lmao anyway

min was just internally moping about being useless but when mat says “hey i could use you” she gets offended that he phrased it rudely or something??? not sure if you noticed but we’re in the middle of a WAR here min, people don’t have time to waste on making sure their requests are phrased politely enough so as not to hurt your feelings.

min even seems to know about mat’s luck??? you’ve met him ONCE and it was before he had that luck! elayne doesn’t even know about it and she’s his bestie! what’s going on??? i would say rand told her, but i’m not sure even rand is aware of mat’s luck? totally possible that he could be, i just don’t remember.

“they’re insane, min. they’re all bloody insane.” “i’m sure egwene would help you escape if you ask, mat.” “well, i didn’t say they weren’t fun. just insane.” mat name ONE time that the seanchan, infamous war criminals and human rights abusers in whose company you’ve been constantly miserable and fearing for your life and your freedom, have been “fun”

“gritting her teeth, min went down on one knee. the woman was the empress, after all. min wouldn’t bow to mat or the generals, but it was only proper to show respect to fortuona.” literally why??? she’s not YOUR empress!

“who is this one, knotai? she thinks herself high.” “oh, well, she’s just the dragon reborn’s woman.” “how curious. that would make her your equal, knotai.” DJFKGJKJHJKDFHGLJ tuon is calling mat rand’s lover and you can’t change my mind

also, it’s making me completely insane yet again that mat is fully aware that min is rand’s girlfriend and is also fully aware that rand is elayne’s babydaddy and we just do not ever see him have any reaction to that or wonder what’s going on. and we can’t even say “maybe rand explained it to him offscreen while they were catching up” because they didn’t GET one of those catchups like rand & perrin and mat & perrin got.

mat tries to hustle min out: “just keep moving. don’t risk her deciding to snatch you up. she’s not particularly good at letting things go, once she has them in hand.” i was all prepared to feel sorry for him, but then, “he actually sounded proud, saying that.” sigh. “you’re as crazy as they are, min thought.” for once something we can agree on. i am trying so hard to interpret everything as mat having been brainwashed and psychologically beaten into submission, but at times it is difficult.

“i don’t belong to anyone. except maybe rand, and him to me.” compare with aviendha: “he did not own her, and she did not own him.” HMMM. very telling. we now have this, avi shunning the thought of possessive public touching while min drapes herself over rand in public constantly, avi accepting immediately that rand has his duty and she has hers while min mopes over rand not taking her to shayol ghul, avi thinking that she couldn’t be with rand until she knew who she was while min thinks she’ll be whatever rand wants her to be.............the two of them are truly at polar opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of how they view relationships, with min being the end of “painfully insecure, possessive, and monogamous.” “we belong to each other” is probably meant to feel romantic, and if used it a different moment maybe it would be, but the fact that we had avi thinking mere CHAPTERS ago that she and rand don’t own each other really throws this line into sharp relief.

oh wack tuon declares that min is her truthspeaker now. is something interesting and non-rand-related finally happening to min for the first time in 14 books? also, note that it’s something interesting happening TO her rather than her DOING something interesting. that’s the real reason she’s insignificant compared to rand, elayne, and aviendha: not because she isn’t a channeler, but because she’s a passive character. things happen TO her, she doesn’t MAKE things happen.

“loial fought on. this song was not a song of victory. it was a song of life. loial did not intend to die here on this hillside. by the light, he had a book to finish before he went!” 😭❤️

mat is weirdly into min all of a sudden lmao hate that. although it IS further evidence for the “mat is gonna cheat on tuon so fast” folder, and that’s always a good thing. and i guess i shouldn’t have expected anything different when the “thinks of all women in terms of whether they’re fuckable” character and the “exists solely to cater to the straight male gaze” character met up.

“she was with rand, so that made her practically his sister.” so you’re saying that min is your sister-wife, because you are also with rand? also, contrast to in LOC when he was like “elayne is so hot, but i wouldn’t kiss her, not because she’s with rand, just because she’s annoying” mat was 100% willing to homewreck rand with elayne, make of that what you will jkjfgh

mat managed to retain his old clothes and puts them on now! phew

it’s so wild that tuon can just go “you’re my truthspeaker now” and snatch min???? and no one does anything about it???? well min, i guess you’re headed off to seanchan forever after the last battle. sucks for her and i’m not necessarily glad about someone else falling into seanchan hands.............but this DOES clear the way for avirandlayne throuple raising their six (6) babies in caemlyn endgame to happen, it has to be said.

mat mentions that he burned the ugly ratty coat he wore to visit elayne in TOM, aw he was so upset that she made fun of it djkfgj

“mat grinned at tuon, and she favored him with a smile. light, but he liked those smiles.” sigh. though this does absolutely read like a fully brainwashed damane being happy to receive a sul’dam’s approval, which..........well, it sure doesn’t SOOTHE me, but it’s better for mat’s characterization to believe that he’s been brainwashed and slave-broken rather than that he’s just fully bought into all this while in his right mind.

“gawyn stepped up to her side, faithful as always.” ❤️❤️ THIS loyal husband DOES spark joy.

egwene notes that gawyn is looking pale, as if at the start of a sickness. oh no!!!!! i think i remember it was mentioned that you don’t live long after activating the bloodknife rings, but idk if that was just because people only activate them to go on suicide missions or if it means that the rings themselves will actually kill you after a certain point. i do know already that gawyn dies (sob) but i don’t know how or when it will happen (same with egwene’s death, i only know the bare fact and not any details).

lan ousts agelmar and mat ousts bryne later in the chapter. and tenobia dies in the battle, so with her gone and bashere currently unfit to rule, does that mean my girl faile is now queen of saldaea? nice! i mean, rip tenobia and everything, but all hail queen faile.

“‘he seems to be yelling for the dragon reborn,’ galgan said. demandred’s voice boomed across the battlefield right then, enhanced by the one power. he was demanding that the dragon come and face him in a duel.” THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME KJFGKHJ the Unhinged Ex energy of it all! the dragon is a little busy battling the dark one, demandred, read the room! i can’t tell you how much this is making me laugh!!

“mat inspected the fellow through the glass. ‘demandred, eh? has he gone a bit dotty, or what?’” mat watching demandred and going “imagine being so obsessed with rand. could not be me!”

in worse news, mat ends up getting his very own slave due to Can’t Kill A Woman behavior, so that’s fun. (he didn’t explicitly reference Can’t Kill A Woman or give any reason for saving the sharan channeler’s life, but i assume this is the reason.) his response to realizing he accidentally enslaved someone: 1) tells tuon she can have her (because slavery is fine as long as HE’S not the one doing it, i guess), and when tuon insists that the channeler is his, 2) “mat shrugged. what else could he do?” i can think of a few things, mat. just a few. “maybe, if the damane belonged to him, he could let her free or something.” all right that’s something at least. now to see if he actually follows through on that after the last battle or if he simply grows ambivalent enough to let her remain damane.........

“has he punished you for that?” “yes. he returned me to life.” wow moridin needs even MORE therapy than rand does

logain’s contingent arrives on elayne’s battlefied. “we came to you first. the black tower stands with the lion of andor.” fistpump! they may have given up on their deadbeat dad, but they went straight to stepmommy elayne the second they had the chance.

“the woman approaching wore fine seanchan silks, and egwene’s stomach turned at the sight. that finery existed because of a foundation of enslaved channelers, forced into obedience to the crystal throne.” GO OFF QUEEN!!!!! but then it turns out that the woman is min, so idk if that’s supposed to make egwene’s moral rant feel humorous or something? also, the narrative has definitely 100% forgotten that da’covale, aka regular non-channeling people, are also slaves (earlier in this book a westlander referred to them as “servants” which i remember seeing quite a bit in the late rj books too)

“‘you should see the things [the seanchan] drink, egwene.’ ‘i’ve seen them,’ egwene said, unable to keep her tone from coldness. ‘oh. yes. i suppose you have.’” absolute dick move by min here. wasn’t she in falme for a long period of time trying to help rescue egwene?? she should be even more aware of egwene’s captivity than mat! why does everybody have such an easy time just Forgetting that their friend was enslaved and traumatized?

“‘i suppose i’m better off with fortuona. she...knows about a certain talent of mine, thanks to mat, and it might let me help her. and you.’ the statement was laden with meaning.” is min actually going to try to use her newfound influence with tuon to take seanchan down from the inside? now that would be an interesting plotline for her. why didn’t this happen to her 7 books ago? i say, axe min as rand’s love interest and instead send her into tuon’s path MUCH earlier on so that she can use her viewings to influence her into having a little smidge of character development, and plus min has known the sul’dam secret since TGH and so might make more headway with tuon there than mat ever bothered to. then have mat stay with rand instead, being his general and a childhood friend to remind him of who he used to be (since mat actually knows the shepherd boy and min does not). they would both be way more useful in the other’s plotline. hell, we can even switch the romances and make min tuon’s love interest and mat rand’s!

egwene on mat: “a carouser, leering at every pretty woman he met. treating her like a painting and not a person.” i’m probably supposed to think egwene is being unfair to mat and misjudging him, but this is literally exactly how he’s been treating women in his own narration ever since WH and even ACOS. since then, every single woman he meets, he describes in terms of whether or not she’s fuckable. this was not the case in the first 6 books.

“he’d jumped into the river to save kiem lewin from drowning. of course, she hadn’t been drowning. she’d merely been dunked under the water by a friend, and mat had come running, throwing himself into the water to help. the men of emond’s field had made sport of him for months about that. the next spring, mat had pulled jer al’hune from the same river, saving the boy’s life...that was how mat was. he’d grumbled and muttered all winter about how people made sport of him, insisting that next time, he’d just let them drown. then the moment he’d seen someone in danger, he’d gone splashing right back in. egwene could remember gangly mat stumbling from the river, little jer clinging to him and gasping, a look of pure terror in his eyes.” 😭😭😭😭😭

“he was a scoundrel and a fool, but she trusted him. light help her, but she did. she’d trust him with her life.” ❤️❤️❤️ i remember when they parted in LOC being so afraid that that was the last time they’d ever see each other, so i’m so happy to see them interact again in this book! even if their one interaction thus far was mat being shitty to egwene. but i have hope that there will be more and better interactions coming.

once again we have mat fretting over how he married an “aes sedai” and not the fact that he married a slaver

“she was something incredible, though. he felt a thrill each time she gave orders; she did it so naturally. elayne and nynaeve could take lessons. tuon did look very nice on that throne.” 🙄🙄🙄 and once again we have mat gushing over how good tuon is at bossing people around, but failing to provide us with any examples of her showing ACTUAL leadership skills. and gushing over how good tuon is at bossing people around when he constantly shits on the wondergirls for a non-malicious and less extreme version of the same behavior. elayne could take lessons? please. unlike tuon and mat, elayne knows that being a ruler is about more than giving orders and looking good on a throne. mat’s “coming to respect nobility” arc, if it had to happen at all, should’ve been him realizing that being a monarch is hard fucking work, rather than declaring that tuon is Not Like Other Nobles when she embodies every single one of his original negative perceptions of them.

but the good part of this passage is that it gives grounds for mat to have a Queen Elayne kink in a better universe, god bless. getting railed by elayne would honestly do him so much good.

“the sul’dam, catrona, almost choked on the words ‘aes sedai.’ mat couldn’t blame her. those could be tough words to speak.” and once again we have mat showing more empathy for the sul’dam than for the aes sedai they think should be enslaved.

“he didn’t look too hard at the damane [whom he accidentally captured]. mat was responsible for her being captured. it was better than her fighting for the shadow, wasn’t it? blood and bloody ashes, he thought to himself. you are doing a fine job of persuading tuon not to use damane, matrim cauthon. capturing one yourself...” sorry, have you EVER tried to persuade tuon not to use damane? this is literally the first time i’ve seen any indication of that, mat. at least he’s feeling some guilt and sense of responsibility right now, for a whole 3 sentences.

“it was unnerving how quickly the sharan woman had taken to her captivity. the sul’dam had all remarked upon it. barely a moment of struggle, then complete subservience.” AKA EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO MAT IN COT

“demandred - despite continuing to rave about the dragon reborn - was continually testing mat’s defenses.” JKJDFGKJJKH KILLING ME AGAIN rafe please give demandred a canon messy gay backstory with LTT because no other justification for this behavior would be as good.

more lines of mat gushing over tuon’s pretty eyes and how much he likes it when she's pleased with him

mat just referred to the sharan channelers as “marath’damane” ugh. but then a paragraph later he mentions “[the seanchan] had started using the term [aes sedai] instead of marath’damane by mat’s order” so that’s good. maybe the prior line i’ll chalk up to it originally being galgan’s line which sanderson then gave to mat and forgot to change “marath’damane” to “channelers” or something.

“he had an inkling of what tuon might be capable of, if she grew displeased with min. he loved her - light, he was pretty sure he did. but he also let himself be a little afraid of her. he’d have to keep watch so that tuon didn’t decide to ‘educate’ min.” okay this is bone chilling. mat is SO CLEARLY in an abusive marriage and a subconscious part of him KNOWS it and is trying to protect min from tuon, though he’s resigned to the thought that it’s too late to protect himself. but the conscious part of him is insisting that he loves tuon, he really does! heartbreaking.

mat spends a whole paragraph talking about how it sucks that seanchan women’s armor doesn’t show boobs and how he ACTUALLY ASKED the armorer if that should be changed. “light, these people had no sense of morality. a fellow needed to know if he was fighting a woman on the battlefield. it was only right.” i’m thinking that in addition to Objectifying Women and Can’t Kill A Woman nonsense, mat is also afraid he might be like “ooh that soldier’s hot!” and then realize it’s a man jdfkjg just accept it mat it’s okay.

“tuon blinked once, looking straight at min. the room seemed to drop into shade, feeling colder. mat shivered. he didn’t like it when tuon got like this. that stare of hers...it seemed like the stare of another person. a person without compassion.” i mean this is literally how she always is? name ONE time when tuon has displayed compassion. also, more “mat being trapped in an abusive marriage and trying to convince himself that it isn’t so and that this isn’t the ~real~ tuon” vibes here.

really interesting scene between tuon and min regarding min’s viewings. tuon attempts to take advantage of the viewings and prevent them from happening, which is a refreshing change from how everyone else just immediately accepted “ah well they can’t be changed, no point trying.” and min stands up to tuon and refuses to share her viewings anymore if tuon will just use them to execute people she suspects of future treason, which is a refreshing change from everyone else having their spine removed when tuon is in the room. see? these two characters play off each other quite well and this plotline/dynamic should’ve been set up way sooner! my 2 most hated characters in the series, yet when they’re together i actually kinda enjoy their interactions lmao it’s witchcraft! probably because min is finally showing an actual personality outside of loving rand now that she’s been separated from him, and because she argues with and challenges tuon and tuon actually listens to her (to an extent) since she’s her truthspeaker.

“if only min would learn a little respect.” mat is literally so scared of his friend getting abused the same way he is, he wants her to just keep her head down.

i love egwene and mat talking in code about his medallion! “do you still have your pet fox?” “i do. he’s snuggled up nice and warm.” “take care of him. i would not see you suffer gareth bryne’s fate.”

mat says “what does elayne want to do? isn’t she in charge?” king shit! respecting her authority and wanting her input, unlike perrin! and then he asks them to make another gateway to get elayne to this meeting so she can discuss with them!

“elayne strode through, thick with child, eyes practically on fire.” mat shaking hands meme with rand and aviendha over commenting on the fire in elayne’s eyes

“she maintained the posture of a queen, but her disheveled hair and clothing burned in several places indicated what she’d been through.” and his earlier description of egwene: “blood and bloody ashes - if he had a soldier with that cast to his skin and that look in his eyes, mat would send the fellow to bed rest for a week.” see, mat? this is what ACTUAL leadership looks like, while tuon has been sitting cozy on her throne letting everyone else do the fighting.

i love to see mat and elayne making battle plans together!!!! power couple!!!!!! tuon could never (she’s just sitting there silently for the whole discussion)

“now, if only [galad] could right [elayne’s] moral compass. she wasn’t a bad person, but galad wished that she - like other monarchs - could see as clearly as he did. he was beginning to accept that they didn’t. he was beginning to accept that it was all right, so long as they tried their best. whatever he had inside of him that allowed him to see the right of things was obviously a gift of the light, and holding others to scorn because they had not been born with it was wrong. just as it would be wrong to hold a man to scorn because he had been born with only one hand, and was therefore an inferior swordsman.” y’all are really trying to tell me that gawyn is the worse trakand brother when galad’s self-righteous holier-than-thou superiority-complex christian-fundamentalist ass is out here behaving like this??? unreal. galad fucking sucks!!!!!!! and has learned absolutely nothing from what morgase was trying to teach him in the last book - his arc should’ve been coming to realize that his view of what’s right isn’t absolute truth, but instead it was coming to accept that it’s okay if other people aren’t as good and perfect as he is because they have not been blessed by the light like he has. bonkers!!!!

like, this is VERY close to how tuon thinks in her povs. this sense of entitlement and enlightenment, this conviction that they are the only ones who know what’s truly right and they must help the ignorant rest of the world see it too - that is BANG ON seanchan thinking.

“he had stopped worrying that his words offended [elayne] long ago. it seemed he couldn’t claim that a day was pleasant or his tea warm without her taking offense somehow. it would have been nice if aybara hadn’t run off. that man was a leader - one of the few that galad had ever met - that one could actually talk to without worrying that he’d take offense.” galad literally being a rightwinger complaining about how easily offended everybody is these days by harmless little things such as being part of a group trying to take away their rights! clearly, elayne is just a special snowflake who’s too sensitive, it’s so unfair that she’s mean to galad! 

no wonder reddit is on galad’s side and whines so much about how immature and prejudiced elayne’s behavior towards him is

the virgin galad (religious zealot, misogynist, joins a group dedicated to oppressing people like his sister and then complains about how mean she is to him about it) vs. the chad gawyn (respects women, devoted his life to protecting his wife, switched sides when he realized that his original side was actively bringing harm to his loved ones)

in conclusion, fuck galad all my homies hate galad. except all my homies DON’T hate galad and so i am alone being old man yells at cloud meme! wake up, my homies! he’s the worst!

there IS a small moment where he instinctively thinks of the whitecloaks as “the whitecloaks” instead of “the children” and is shocked with himself about it, so i guess that’s something. too little too late!

we catch up with faile retrieving the horn from tar valon! wow i completely forgot about that. their conversation at the beginning of the book where they sent her to get it feels like it was 5 books ago.

and aviendha is attacked by some of the aiel male channelers! turns out that when an aiel man can channel they send him to the blight (i’m sure this was mentioned before, i just forgot) and that’s how they all got corrupted by the dark one.

“mat had run off to the seanchan, talmanes to fight alongside queen elayne. one by one, everyone in this group was being eaten by trees, mud, or monsters. why did they all leave olver alone?” “noal...dead. would mat die too?” 😭😭😭

“i am not spending the last battle clinging to a rock! [nynaeve] thought.” my mood exactly lmao we’re on page 600 and she and moiraine have not done anything yet!

it turns out that alanna is in the cavern and is dying, and rand will snap and go crazy if she dies, so nynaeve has to save her but she can’t use saidar because she’s still linked with rand. oh shit!!! it’s nice to see alanna’s bond with rand FINALLY be relevant and have narrative payoff.

egwene is still so ready to help mat escape tuon and the seanchan 😭

mat complains that tuon wants him to sit in judgment. “mat was not going to order men to be executed, and that was that.” okay so then you should sit in judgment and pronounce them innocent rather than avoid jury duty and let other people pronounce them guilty and have them executed? obvious solution here, mat. he complains about elayne and other nobles (gawyn here in this passage) being entitled, yet when HE is given power and privilege that he could potentially use to help others, he does nothing with it. (obviously he’s too busy preparing for the battle to sit in judgment right at this very moment, so that’s fair enough, but his objection IS that he doesn’t want to execute people rather than that he has more pressing duties right now.)

we get 2 little nuggets of the mat-gawyn interactions i’d hoped for in the previous book and didn’t get and i’m delighted!!! “gawyn trakand was apparently practicing to be an aes sedai sometime, because he kept giving mat glares that would have made moiraine proud.” “‘burn me, first rand, then you [egwene]. is everybody going to chivy me about these days? gawyn, you want a turn?’ ‘yes, please.’ he sounded eager. ‘shut up,’ mat said.” JDFGJKHKJHJFG that’s one of my top 10 interactions in the book so far, why did it make me laugh so hard!! could’ve been even better if mat had married elayne and he and gawyn were now annoyed brothers-in-law!

“he could feel something pulling on him, tugging him northward. rand would need him soon.” “he narrowed his eye. rand was tugging on him.” one more cauthor ta’veren pull instance for the road!

“this is it, egwene. take a deep breath, a last pull on the brandy, or burn your final pinch of tabac. have a good look at the ground before you, as it’s soon going to be covered in blood. in an hour, we’ll be in the thick of it. the light watch over us all.” dun dun duuuuuuuun!!!! and the next chapter, titled “the last battle,” is TWO HUNDRED PAGES so i’m calling it a day for this recap.

[last-capy-hupping]

So, I was gonna do a detailed recap of my thoughts on Top Gun: Maverick, but now I’m just gonna hit the highlights. As for why I saw this movie on 4th of July weekend? Because my fiancé loves planes. And I owe him one because he watched Dune with me. Also, I liked the first one because of the iconic homoerotic Volleyball Montage scene. Anyway, here goes…

1) This sure is military propaganda. But not the outwardly jingoistic, American Sniper kind. It’s the fun kind, where it’s about how great and fun being an aviator for the Navy. And also, the Navy needs to have fewer rules and regulations and just let mavericks like Maverick (hahaha) do what they want. This isn’t a criticism of the military. This is a criticism of bureaucrats who want the military to have to follow rules and be accountable.

2) Related to point 1: the movie opens with an anti-drone message, but it’s not one of the ones that make sense. If Eye in the Sky was trying to tell us that drones were bad because it makes killing real people seem like killing video game characters, then the first ten minutes of Top Gun: Maverick is trying to tell us that drones are bad because Maverick won’t get to fly cool planes, and Lockheed Martin (I guess?) will lose out on some of its contracts. (My fiancé also added that the mission that made up the rest of the plot could’ve probably been flown risk-free and more effectively with drones.)

3) Ed Harris is an infinitely more fuckable old man than Tom Cruise (caked in stage makeup), but he’s only in the first ten minutes of the movie. He’s a pro-drone admiral, and you think that he’ll be the villain. He won’t be. This movie doesn’t really have a villain, apart from bureaucrats who care about safety and responsible defense spending.

4) Miles Teller was literally the perfect choice to play Goose’s son. And his call sign is Rooster. Get it? Also, for the first time in my life, I’m sexually attracted to a man with an 80s pornstache. Well done, Miles Teller. Well done.

5) The movie teases us early on with the idea that there’s gonna be a homoerotic rivalry between Rooster (this isn’t a dick joke, it’s a bird joke) and Hangman (played by Glen Powell, who as far I can tell, can only play pilots; astronauts; and cheeky, annoying men who fly things) that will echo the iconic homoerotic rivalry between Maverick and Iceman. This is a lie. Do not get your hopes up. Keep your dick in your pants. There’s nothing there.

6) You know how we all loved that homoerotic volleyball montage in the first movie? Well, this movie gives us a…foam football in the ocean montage. It’s…kinda homoerotic, I guess.

7) I feel like someone told Tom Cruise how flamingly gay the first movie was, and he set out to correct it.

8) On the other hand, he and Iceman (in his phone as Ice) text a lot and have more chemistry over text than he does with Jennifer Connelly, who is playing Kelly McGillis in this movie. (The character is Penny, but she’s basically replacement Kelly McGillis because they decided that Kelly McGillis didn’t age well enough or something.)

9) Val Kilmer is back to play Iceman, and he was happy to do it, but like…Iceman is also suffering from the same cancer that stole Val Kilmer’s voice IRL, and it’s too close to reality, and it’s too sad. Also, Iceman dies. From the cancer. Fuck. This. Movie.

10) John Hamm is in this movie. He’s also an infinitely more fuckable middle-aged man than Tom Cruise, and he’s in this movie way more than Ed Harris is, but he…doesn’t do anything. The movie makes poor use of John Hamm.

11) The main emotional core of this movie is the quasi-father-son conflict between Rooster and Maverick. It’s fine. It works. Neither one of them die.

12) Early in the movie, Rooster plays “Great Balls of Fire”, the song that Maverick, Goose, and Goose’s wife Meg Ryan played in Top Gun while baby Rooster sat on the piano. Everyone in the bar immediately knows it. Everyone in the bar. Not just Rooster’s friends in the navy. Everyone in the bar. I don’t think that “Great Balls of Fire” is that famous. Maybe they all saw Top Gun and immediately remembered that scene?

13) In spite being at least sixty, Maverick flies the impossible mission (and yes, there was a trailer for the new Mission Impossible movie, Dead Reckoning: PART ONE) and leads it because he’s still the best dog fighter there is. I haven’t spoiled anything. I knew that he was gonna fly it. You did. Your dog did. The people buried in the cemetery closest to the theater did.

14) Absolutely nothing in this movie is surprising, but that’s fine and oddly comforting.

15) I’m not a man, and I don’t have a dick, but I did get hard watching planes take off and land on an aircraft carrier while Danger Zone played. Granted, that could’ve been the theater vibrating, but I am glad that this movie gave me the ability to live vicariously through Tom Cruise while he lives vicariously through all of the F18s that the military let him use for propaganda…I mean out of the goodness of their hearts.

16) The mission is destroying a uranium enrichment plant for an unnamed “enemy” nation without having to engage their 5th generation fighter jets in a dog fight. They just refer to them as “The Enemy.”

Anyway, the country is Iran, and the planes are a loan from Russia. Very cool, very vague and Cold War.

17) There’s a moment where you think that they’re gonna make you watch Tom Cruise pretend to fuck Jennifer Connelly, who is playing Kelly McGillis. They don’t. I appreciated it.

18) I kept hearing “North Island” as “Northern Ireland,” so I kept wondering if Maverick was gonna do a raid against the IRA. That’s on me, not the movie, but I wanted to mention it.

19) Even though she was a scientist and instructor in the first movie, Penny now owns the bar on North Island. She plays a very unfunny prank on Tom Cruise where she makes him buy everyone in the bar drinks and maxes out his credit card. I almost had an anxiety attack and wanted to run out of the theater to check my banking app. Not cool, movie, not cool!

Anyway, those are my thoughts.

[volcanolotus]

Hi lotus! :] I am attempting to participate in the ask game. I don't know how it works but I think I should send you like an emoji? Yes.

I'm curious about 📌, 🎶, 🏳️‍🌈, 🍀, and 💕.

I hope youre having q wonderful day! :]

I’m glad you asked! Hi!!!!

📌 how did you find your hyperfixation? 

I Think I was looking for Mappy content i haven’t consumed several years ago, found it, forgot for another three years, and then found it again. Of course, I wouldn’t care at all had i not played the original arcade game.

🎶 if your hyperfixation has songs/an ost, what is your favorite song from it? 

Funnily enough, the shiftylook Mappy ost is just royalty free stuff. And I won’t lie, I’ve been searching for it for a month or so with my friends. They’re ten years old at least, so the endeavor is almost fruitless. But I can tell you about how much i LOVE the namco sound chip, which i’ve also been searching for for ages with no luck...... Being a fan of Mappy is so hard in this society.

💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them! 

There aren’t many characters but I find there’s something to like in almost all of them. Mappy isn’t my favorite but I do have the most to say about him and i want to study him in a lab (i am goro). 

So like. I can’t exactly say he isn’t intelligent, he really is. But god is his judgement heavily clouded sometimes. His hubris makes him short sighted, considering he didn’t forsee that the jailing of Goro would result in the closure of Nyamco, which would tank the city’s economy, thrusting a good chunk of people into unemployment. I think that would be reasonable for Mappy have to at least assumed. I also kinda think he has a huge ego and i want to see him cry. Despite said ego my man is hanging by a fucking thread for real. i think he could snap at any second. i want this to happen. ALSO to add to the ego thing i love how much he fucking talks for no reason about how he Was a cop. like in episode 1 he starts going on and on like had he not said anything Skykid literally would not have known he was The Cop That Shot That Painting and Lost His Job also i’m glad he lost his job actually. fuck the police. Anyways Mappy has a lot of problems and ailments. Tell me why he thought it was a good idea to Re Steal the artwork that Goro stole. Mappy what the fuck. YOU JUST PUT GORO IN JAIL FOR THEFT. Idiot. I love this stupid mouse. i love thinking about how everything he does is like. 99% probability of things Mappy would do for Goro. like this man has him downloaded as a pdf.

 🏳‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you? 

First of all not a single character in this show is neurotypical. ESPECIALLY not dig dug. i think most people would assume he isn’t but like. he isn’t. he’s the king of neurodivergence. 

Second of all We All picked up on the Homoerotic Tension in episode one where Mappy is talking about how he’s gonna put Goro in jail and Goro’s like no u wont~ and they have a back and forth. and even if you don’t read that particular scene as gay you at least CANNOT ignore Goro’s “i miss you” in that very same episode, or his very direct “I love you” in episode 7, or his ENTIRE SPEECH to mappy in the finale. Literally ZERO hetero explanation for Any of what Goro says in those moments. anyways Goro is gay. the cat is a homo. I also think he’s gnc as fuck. but that’s a little more self indulgent of an hc. as for the others Mappy is bi ace (just like me fr), dig dug is trans (just like me fr), sky kid also. 

🍀 do you have any kins or comfort characters from your hyperfixation? 

....................... kin Goro jhgfjgfjhsgfsfg

[bigbrotherlouis]

i’m obsessed with joel farabee and morgan frost and you should be too: a primer

hello! welcome! recently i have become infatuated with morgan frost and joel farabee for a lot of reasons but mostly because of that one post that i spent like twenty minutes searching various blogs for that said “people are freaking out about sexualising hockey players, meanwhile joel farabee is one instagram comment away from telling morgan frost he’d suck him dry.” in my head rent free. hit a girl up if you have the post.

anyway! frosty and beezy:

[hard cut to me whispering “oh my god even their nUMBERS are friends” i’m fine.]

this is more like about vibes and less about facts, so you can google if you want to know more about their, like, bios and stats and stuff that’s not 99% rpf or conjecture. this primer is just the things that make me scream. however, that being said, they do play well on a line together and both are very good players.

joel farabee is american, from new york i believe but his dad is from philly, and falls neatly into the category of BORN TO BE A FLYER. longtime fan, hugely excited to play for the team, brings it up all the time.

morgan frost, from ontario canada, was not.

a real, actual tweet. he tweeted this with his WHOLE chest and then joined the flyers like three years later. i adore it. another real actual tweet i adore:

sweet, sweet joel. he misses his buddies :( no doubt including morgan because they are, by all appearances, obsessed with each other. i’m trying not to keep  using the word obsessed in this primer but it’s hard because they are. morgan’s a year older, a first round draft pick in 2017 and joel’s a first round pick in 2018, but they didn’t start playing together until 2019, i believe, because joel played for a college team in boston. side note: he also captained team usa and wore a number 28 in honour of claude giroux and i am absolutely not okay about it.

e! mo! tion! al! incidentally, frosty wears danny briere’s number when he plays for the flyers, which. take from that what you will. iykyk. their NUMBERS are FRIENDS. HERITAGE SOULMATES. joel’s been called up to play on the flyers (and did really well in the playoffs!) but we’re still waitin’ for morgan to come along too but the coaching staff hasn’t recognised the raw power of true love yet so.

at this point, you’re probably saying “sasha shut up about their fucking numbers and talk about why they’re obsessed with each other” but good news! i do not need to do that because the official flyers media has done that for me! (x) i’d recommend watching it because it’s a lot packed into a neat 100 seconds, but notable moments include the voice over saying “joel farabee and morgan frost have found that going at it together has its benefits” within the first thirty seconds. that is a real direct quote. i can’t believe it either. there’s also a lot of light homoerotic bonding over playing chel, them sitting across from each other  on their beds, the admission of being ROOMMATES (oh my god they were roommates), this shot of them sitting with their mouths wide open on either side of their dad,

and also joel wearing a hat with a canadian maple leaf on it, despite being from the the united states. wonder where he got that from. please watch the video.

when they’re not playing chel or, you know, going at it together, they’re being horny in each other’s instagram comments. there’s honestly.... so many of these that i can include but we’re just gonna go with my favourites.

when i say i think about this comment on a picture of morgan with isaac ratcliffe, a fellow flyers prospect on a daily basis, i mean it. i’ll be just doing my thing, minding my own business, and MORGAN MAKES ME VENMO HIM JUST TO TALK will pop into my head, completely uninvited. king shit for morgan to do and king shit for joel to admit on social media for the world to see, but joel admitting things he maybe shouldn’t is a running theme. 

cool. TOTALLY not flirting or anything.

joel. also both their exhibitionist streaks should be explored in fic more i am JUST sayin.

ok but bee you were lookin. like you can chirp but you were lookin, don’t lie. 

when ur in love with ur roommate but ur both hockey players so u can only communicate that love via chirping when he’s with the boys :(

what’s it called when you vibe really well with someone and also live with them and also comment on their shirtlessness and also maybe kiss them on the mouth a little? d... da... dating?? can’t be it.

morgan is a little more composed in the comments and mostly just posts inside jokes i cannot comprehend, or compliments. it’s still cute.

this was on a playoffs pic where joel’s wearing #28 love 2 see it love a supportive boyf always

this one was of joel with a fish he caught and i’m sorry but i did not want it on my phone.

but morgan can’t hide his affection for long. (me, in the distance: TWENTY EIGHT TWENTY EIGHT TWENTY EIGHT!!!!!!!)

there’s more comments but they’re boring and this is long, mostly joel chirping  morgan for wearing baseball or football stuff. however! they are also on twitter where they keep each other humble after incredible goals, like bros do,

this is DEFINITELY flirting. like, blatant. it’s like that kind of flirting when you’re thirteen and you don’t know what to do with your body so you just kinda steal your crush’s stuff or insult them because all attention is good attention, right??

but when push comes to shove, beezy is always gonna look out for his boy (because they are in love):

some important pictures of them together, for your pleasure: 

this is so DUMB and i love it

friends supporting friends!!!

this is them meeting their hockey dads :) so cute :) joel is promising g that he’ll have morgan back by ten yessir he will be respectful of boundaries and curfew. jake is high fiving morgan on getting some. this is facts i just call em like i see em.

and finally!

is this allowed?????  is this allowed???? it’s hard to tell but i’m pretty sure that’s joel on his knees for in front of morgan and i just??? how is that allowed???? it’s been five days and this picture has RUINED me. someone write me an essay to have on my desk by morning, stat.

also v unrelated but here is a video of morgan frost reading, proving he’s the smart one in the relationship. that’s not saying much but, hey! at least there’s proof he can read.

obviously different ships capture people in different ways but there’s something about them to me, personally, that is just so captivating. there’s a lot of potential for different fic vibes, and joel in particular always has a really fun voice to read (and also to write). they definitely have chemistry, they’re pitted against each other so there’s a good-natured rivalry going on, CLOTHES SHARING AND HERITAGE SOULMATE NUMBERS, and, like, they just genuinely seem to enjoy each other. someone PLEASE write more fic for them or by god i’ll have to do it myself.

ok that’s everything for now, i believe. they’re in love and don’t care who knows it and i’m obsessed. (however, i’m also obsessed with joel farabee and andrei svechnikov together, for which i have a one-picture argument for here.)

(p.s. anything not linked i screenshotted myself thank youuu for reading have a good day and remember: morgan makes joel vemno him just to talk 😌)

edit: hello. i wrote this on election night as a way to take off the edge of my nerves and it is not as funny or screechy as i wanted it to be so i’m going to add some now.  

[teeth-and-tea]

ANIME & MANGA I HAVE BINGED IN THE LAST MONTH: May 2021

I've Been Hunting Slimes for the Past 300 Years and Now Ive Maxed Out My Level: incredibly long name aside, cute af slice of life that suffers Same Face Syndrome. I'm still happy to watch it because of how feel good and fluffy it is though, Im probably gonna forget about it in two or three years tho. 8/10.

Don't Toy With Me, Miss Nagatoro: I found out this was a webcomic first and suddenly all the HORNINESS made so much more sense. A Femdom, Degradation, Humiliation, Dacryphilia Bullies to Lovers story disguised as a high school rom-com which, I'm not going to lie, misses SKEEVY CITY by mere inches on a regular basis. However, I'm a Dom/Switch and this entire relationship sets off my dom brain center like New York City just shy of midnight. So if you're into that sort of scene, this anime is for you. If not, it's still fascinating but you're probably gonna be a little put off by how mean the Girl!Bully is to the guy MC. Unless you find out something about yourself, in which case, congrats! Stay safe, sane, consensual, and learn about the traffic light system on top of safe words, I promise you'll have a better life in general after that. Still Ongoing, currently 10/10.

Fruits Basket: IM GONNA CRY I LOVE THIS ANIME SO MUCH???? The original anime came out when I was in... I think middle school and my parents were really strict on what I watched so I never got to experience the first wave and I never bothered to watch the show ever after I moved out of the house years later. However, now that I'm much older I honestly can say this is one of my favorite anime to date, and all the characters are charming, lovable, with their own problems that I can connect to or sympathize with, and I love the MC which is always a treat tbh. Except Akito. Akito can suck a sandpaper dick. I'm only on S2 tho so no spoilers! Anime 11/10.

Monster Girl Doctor: went in thinking it was gonna be a monster girl who's a doctor with a homoerotic assistant (her name is SAPPHY okay sue me for thinking it) and ended up watching the entire dubbed harem series. Honestly, I've seen worse and this one has consistent follow-through on interesting characters and backstory enough for me to shove aside the blatant under-monstrousness of the female monsters and the harem-ness of everything else. Dubbing is honestly really good, which is a treat, and the monster designs are not the worst and the MC is tolerable. Honestly, I don't mind having watched it! The mix of cgi and the traditional animation together work pretty strangely though, and it often doesn't flow super well. 7.5/10

So I'm a Spider, So What: Dubbed version which honestly isn't that bad. Took me a bit to get into it, but after realizing that it's got a mismatched timeline a la The Witcher, it made so much more sense. Heavily done in cgi, and you can definitely tell between the 2D and 3D animations, but not the worst in the world. I went in not expecting much but it ended up being an Issekai I can stand and even enjoy. On god has a decent story... with the spider. I'd be a liar if I didnt say I skipped some of the human parts just to get back to the best part of the show. 8/10.

Somali and the Forest Spirit: I'm so fucking nostalgic for this thing it makes me want to go and hug my dad. About a human girl under threat of being eaten with a monster-dominated world. Very obvious "humans fear what they don't understand" message but instead of the humans learning tolerance it's what happens when they get annihilated first so like, kudos for the mangaka for having the guts to do that. I cried like a baby regularly. It's really good, I watched the dub and ID WATCH IT AGAIN!!! 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Oh my god. O h my g o d. Fell in love on the first episode, ngl. About if an immortal being learned how to be a person from scratch. I love it. HOWEVER. Keep a box of tissues on you at all times because you're gonna need them. I'm only on EP7 because that's all that's out right now but just know. I love it. Not for everyone but certainly for my "what do we define as human and the human condition" ass. 12/10.

Those Snow White Notes: A sports anime without any sports. About shamisen playing which is cool because I never realized how cool this instrument was??? Its neat af. OP1&2 are by Burnout Syndrom so know theyre fire. Gonna be real, its pretty alright, but not extraordinary. You can tell they were using the characters as archetypes rather than actually characters which kinda kills a lot of the emotional value you could've had, but I'm still gonna watch it. It doesn't make me cringe as hard as other sports anime tho so I consider it toptier in that regards but if you're a big sports anime fan you might be bummed out by it. Every single musical performance is INCREDIBLE tho. A solid 8/10.

Toilet Bound Hanako-kun: THE ART OMFG IT'S SO GORGEOUS. Listen, if you took coptic markers and gave them an animation budget with some manga panel direction thrown in there, that's this anime. It's beautiful. Gorgeous. I'm in love with the aesthetic every second. Story? Really good. Characters? I love the MC and his evil little twin brother asshat. Demons? Not super imaginative but I'm carrying on happy as can be anyways. Dubbing? A bit shaky at times but I found the voices charming if a little off for some of them. I'm already waiting for the second season with popcorn at the ready. 10/10.

Prison School: I watched this directly after Hanako-kun and it was like I got slapped in the face by sweaty unwashed titties and some fedora wearing schmuck's piss kink. No character is likable or redeemable. I finished it, but at what cost? 2/10 and only because a character shit his pants and I laughed.

Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle: watched this right after Prison School and it was NECESSARY tbh. Its so CUTE and honestly, im not even kidding you, the fucking funniest anime I've seen in months. I watched the dub and the VAs are having the time of their lives working on this anime not just giving it their all but literally just going ham. Its great. If I read this im sure id be bored outta my mind but the VAs giving it a joyous performance make it an insta fave for me tbh. 9/10.

Sk8 the Infinity: i watched the dub with my bro and I can confirm that its a spectacular show because we both loved it and we have vastly different tastes. Incredibly SUSPENSFUL AND STRESSFUL for an anime about skateboarding but we finished it in a single sitting tbh. The last episode is not dubbed for some reason but we still loved it. Like if Free! was less obnoxious but the only fan-service here is Joe ♡ a beefcake who owns my lesbian heart. I think there's exactly one named female character tho and I legit couldn't tell you what it was if there was a gun to my head. So, over all, 9.5/10.

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime: I'm going to be entirely honest, I went in thinking it was going to be a boring isekai of no value. I was right about the Isekai part. It was honestly pretty interesting and focused on nation building like you're playing civilization rather than the usual "Get Stronger" narrative or "Get Some Pussy" narrative most isekais take which is delightfully refreshing. Granted there are flavors of that in this which means it doesn't alienate the big isekai watchers out there, but it's not the whole dish and it doesn't make me want to cringe the same way others do. You've got a slime MC just vibing and building a nation of monsters nbd. Does lose points for making the female monsters more humanoid than their male counterparts but makes them back by only doing perfunctory fan-service and nothing that makes me want to cry... except the butt sumo episode but in fairness it was all a terrible dream. Literally, the MC refuses to dream anymore after that. solid animation, decent voice acting, decent story, made me realize how HUGE this is in the Light Novel community???? There's like 18 fucking novels and that's WILD. 8.5/10.

MANGA:

Spirit Photographer Saburo Kono: a one shot special by the mangaka of The Promised Neverland! Honestly a really delicate touch of both super creepy and really touching, and I'm not gonna lie I'm bummed that this isn't a bigger project but the single chapter makes it a good taste for their style. I've been wondering if I wanna read/watch The Promised Neverland and now I think I will. 10/10

Deranged Detective Ron Kamonohashi: from the mangaka of Hitman Reborn comes this Sherlock and Watson derivative! Not even 20 chapters out yet with a sort of spotty schedule, I honestly love it even thought it's exactly as you expect. HOWEVER. Kamonohashi the "Sherlock" character uses mental pressure to kill all confirmed murderers and it's up to Toto the "Watson" character to save all those people before Kamonohashi kills them! It's just recently introduced a "Moriarty" family of crime lords (not a big spoiler don't worry it was obvious) so the tension surrounding Ron's past is amping up rn. Personally, I think the art is GORGEOUS, the characters engaging, and the story quick enough to keep my interest. Most mysteries are solved within a chapter or two so you're not stuck 20 chapters into one locked room mystery which is just peachy tbh. RN, 10/10. If this gets an anime, I anticipate a legion of fangirls who ship the two main characters along with their many friends. I've been alive too long to believe otherwise.

Don't Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro: Yeah I read the manga after I watched the show. A slower build than the anime, but it works for the format, if theyd done the same with the show then I don't think it wouldve done as well. Honestly? Cuter tbh but just as horny. You dont start really LEARNING about your character until like, chap 65 tho and no real "drama" happens until like 75. A good chunk of the chapters are like 8pgs so its a breeze to get through. I love these slow burn idiots of the century. 9.5/10 because you can DEFINITELY tell the mangaka does hentai too.

Yugen's All-Ghouls Homeroom: one-shot by the mangaka for Food Wars, it's no wonder there's this constant perviness from the MC, a guy who can see and exorcise spirits. Takes place at an all girl's finishing school with KICK ASS monsters tbh, kinda bummed its not longer. The MC? Blatant monsterfucker who is also a CONFRIMED monsterfucker???? Idk i vibe with that single emotion. Everything else is hit or miss. 7/10 for monsters and cool concept, lost points for the MC very pointedly being okay with admitting he'd wait for the teenagers to be adults tho. Creepy af. Could live without that.

Hell's Paradise: I finished the entire 127chps in 3 days and I was really enthusiastic about it 90% of the time thinking about how deep it was and then I actually thought about it and I ended up being very neutral about the whole thing tbh. The art is fantastic tho, but DEFINITELY deserving of the M rating. Tits. Tits everywhere. But not tits to be ecchi over, no, monster hermit tits on beautiful women-ish figures. Now generally I give that a pass but a huge theme in the story is that men and women are "no better than one or the other" but like, lady tits are what you see 99% of the time. Men tits are few and far between. I call bullshit on most of the "deep" themes is what I'm saying, so it's like the mangaka was trying for those deep thoughts but missed the margin a little too far for my preference. That being said, the MC is a married man who loves his wife which automatically makes him my favorite character so like... idk so many good things, so many misses, but overall really spectacular themes and imagery. Unique but classic all at once. It's getting an anime and I have NO IDEA how much censorship they're gonna be doing but they're going to be doing SO MUCH. Oh yeah, and one guy is a plant/human hybrid who fucks a 1000 year old plant-hermit which makes him a canon monster fucker. And one canon non-binary character who I, a nonbinary, actually like. So like... gosh I've got mixed feelings. 8.5/10.

Choujin X: From Sui Ishida, mangaka to the mega hit Tokyo Ghoul comes this brand new manga!... Of one chapter, lol. Not really binge-y because it's just the one chapter out right now but I'm already keeping my eye on it. The grasp on anatomy in the art is PHENOMENAL and you can see Ishida flexing his art skill which is great. Can't give a true rating but I'm giving it a tentative 9/10 because I'm excited to see more.

Shag&Scoob: technically not a manga, its an ongoing webcomic I binged an subscribed to in one day and I just think it deserves more attention. Starts off funny with "what if Scooby Doo had a gun" and has been led to "what if all cartoons are aliens that survive and receive their powers by the humans that love them in an epic war with Martians." On god, its good. I finished the current series in a couple hours so it's a breezy read, highly recommend it. 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Yeah I watched the anime and then finished all current 143 chapters in like 3 days. GOD IM WEAK. I don't buy physical manga unless I know I want to remember the story forever and I'm already budgeting for the current books out. Yeah, this is a good series. That being said, definitely not for the faint of heart or those who suffer under common triggers like suicide, molestation, death, etc. It's all framed as bad and necessary to the story don't get me wrong, but it's there and has lasting affects on the characters. Incredible story telling by the creator of A Silent Voice. Keep tissues nearby at all times. 12/10.

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

If you don't mind me asking, what got you into medivial lit/the ulster cycle?

honestly? i got into medieval irish lit via children's fantasy books about fairies. like, eoin colfer etc (i had a big artemis fowl phase), kate thompson -- basically if it came out in the 00s and contained fairies, there's a high chance i read it. then as i got into my teens it was the more paranormal YA side of things -- holly black, maggie stiefvater etc. (i LOVED the 'books of faerie') also some retellings and more "historical" novels too. i read a lot of really bad books about fairies as well, and some adult fantasy that was just... Not Great, but there were also a lot of books i really loved. it's hard now because i know too much and i can't enjoy a lot of them sdfkljsdf

anyway because i was into fairies i got into folklore and some of the early modern stories like "oisín in tír na nóg", and i also got interested in a few bits of the early history... i wanted to write my own novels about some of it so i just went looking for sources but a lot of what i found online wasn't great and i was working from like, victorian and edwardian materials which were pretty misleading. but, the process of trying to find that info kind of piqued my interest and i wanted to learn more

anyway because i was into folklore and also trad music and dance and stuff, i was originally more of a finn cycle kind of person. still have a soft spot for it. the otherworld in finn cycle texts is much closer to the folkloric otherworld i think, like, it's a bit wispy and insubstantial and the people of the síd are underground and there's music that sends people to sleep or makes them fight and so on (related: there's a reason dancing on dangerous ground is my favourite irish dance show. it's based on toruigheacht diarmuid agus grainne (i DEF spelled that wrong) and it's great, i LOVE how their grainne is portrayed and someone should compare it to lady gregory's grania one day)

how i got into the ulster cycle... i don't know. it was a gradual process. i read the táin in my late teens and... well not to go into too much detail but being 17 fucking sucked for me and i was so full of rage all the time and basically just wanted to peel off my skin in frustration, so i guess i read about cú chulainn and went "oh, fucking mood" sdfkljd. plus i'm always in it for anything with homoerotic potential so i was into TBC but i didn't really focus on it until my final year of uni? before that i'd been a bit more focused on the otherworld in various forms

i think i sorta switched to ulster cycle for the same reason i read a lot more romance novels than i did as a teenager... i'm much more interested in *people* now than i used to be. it's not that i'm not interested in magic and stuff but like. i'm *more* interested in having a shitton of feelings about something, and i find there are some surprisingly poignant and human moments in the ulster cycle because there's a... certain consistency of characters? like cú chulainn is not the same in every text and láeg is not the same in every texts but at the same time they're similar enough that you're like "oh that's the same guy" and then you can see the emotions developing in different stories, i guess??

the fianaigecht material has that too to some extent and is also emo as fuck, but some of the most emotional material there is the early modern stuff not the medieval stuff, and/or it's poetry (and i'm not very good at translating poetry so if i'm gonna work with an original text i'd prefer it to be prose)

but also i won't lie i kinda started blogging about ulster cycle stuff because it was... less frustrating as a blogging experience than focusing on the more mythological/otherworld type of stuff where i constantly found myself having to work around online polytheists and like, not step on any toes, and after i got a few angry anons just for posting about medieval lit i was like "okay i just won't talk about the tuatha de danann anymore" and switched to something that seemed "safer". and in the process of shitposting about the ulster cycle i realised how much i loved it -- i knew i *liked* it before that but memes unlocked a new level. (then Fate happened to my notifications and i briefly considered exclusively blogging about, like, minor king-tale figures or something, but by then i was invested)

anyway yeah idk that was kind of a long answer for what should have been a simple question lol. basically: children's and YA fantasy novels is what set me on this path and then i just sort of wandered around until i wound up at ulster cycle material

[sapphic-courtship-for-dummies]

Hey so I met this girl and we were in a group and kinda drunk and we kissed a bunch and we talked loads. Fast forward a bunch of time she walked me home and she was pretty drunk so I told her I wouldn’t kiss her anymore bc I felt somewhat coherent and I wasn’t going to take advantage of her. So then like we got to my place and I invited her in and we drank tea and I cleaned her wound (she fell over on the way) and like idk I made her wait till she was sober before I let her go home bc I was worried about her. And before she left she seemed fully sober so I asked her if I could kiss her and she said yes so we kissed a bit more and it was all so pure but like idk if she actually likes me you know??? Like she’s so pretty and I’m chubby and not pretty so like fuck man idk. Anyway sappho pls save me bc I like this girl and I have no idea if she likes me? Also her hands felt rlly good to hold, I’m a simp. (Sorry for this being so long)

Not gonna lie, this sounds pretty fucking gay. Like the consent boundary and then homoerotically cleaning her wound before kissing again when sober...I--

Sweet child you needn’t worry anymore. You are beautiful as you are and if she agreed to kissing you when sober then she probably knows that too and likes you!! Honey you are a precious queen and better start believing it, because your weight does not determine your value or beauty and if she doesn’t see that then you can do better anyway. But seriously, it sounds like you have a real chance, so go tell her how pretty you think she is and ask her out for real! The worst she can say is no, and then you’d be able to go find someone who mutually simps for you. Go get it girl!!! I believe in you!!

[hydrangeasimagination]

BNHA Incorrect Quotes: My Friends Edition

... Our humor is very weird but I wanted to get some giggles out since these times are tough. But I’d like to keep this blog as somewhat of a safe space and an escape?? It’s nice to not have to think sometimes.

It’s not good for my mental health either since I worry about those outside and fighting this fight and worry about what else could happen and it’s just a big source of anxiety for me.

I support the BLM movement. I support pushing against the system that so readily put us in this space. I support rising up when things are so clearly unfair.

I support this fight.

But we are all human - we are all beings that need a bit to slip into escapism.

I love y’all. Here’s a quick scrib of a boi.

~ Dari

(P.S. My friends and I are 20-21 and the pinnacle of Gen Z humor so lots of death jokes and sex jokes. We’re also potty mouths.)

Edit (11/29/20): Found out rat was an East Asian slur and while I’m Asian myself, I’m changing it. Because ✨no✨.

Driving Bakugo’s Car

Kirishima: That’s a cop.

Kaminari: That’s not a cop.

Kirishima: That’s a cop.

Kaminari: It is not a cop!

Kaminari:

Kaminari: It’s a cop -

Kirishima: We’re gonna get pulled over.

Kaminari: We’re not gonna get pulled over.

Kaminari:

Kirishima:

Kaminari to Bakugo later: We got pulled over.

Why The Heroes Always Win

Midoriya: They’re overwhelming us by the second! There’s too many villains!!

All Might: It’s fine!

All Might, buffing up: They’re bad -

Midoriya, confused: wHA???

Deku vs. Kacchan Part 100

Kirishima: Uh, Bakubro just Snapped me with his location on - he’s really close to your house??

Midoriya: I’m safe in my bed under blankets for now.

Midoriya: If I don’t come back, it’s either he’s killed me or I’ve killed him.

Kirishima

Midoriya:

Midoriya: More news at 7.

Watching Izuku Break His Bones To Fight

Shigaraki:

Shigaraki: Don’t like that, gamer -

Not Technically Untrue

Dabi: Until someone or something kills me 

Dabi: I am immortal.

Dabi: Until then, I’m not about to die while Endeavor is still alive

Denki, nO - ft. the homoerotic things my guy friends say

Bakugo: FUCK YOU

Kaminari: COME FUCK ME YOURSELF, COWARD

Bakugo:

Bakugo: Turn on your fucking location.

Dekusquad Group Chat + Ghosthunting ft. Shinsou

Shinsou: I woke up with these scratches?

Shinsou: I don’t know what caused them.

Iida: Well, if they itch, they’re likely cat scratches. If they are open, I suggest washing and sterilizing.

Uraraka: Did you leave your door open? Was it your cat??

Shinsou: Nope.

Midoriya: Ah, that’s really strange.

Todoroki: It’s the demon you challenged

Tsuyu:... That sounds plausible?

Shinsou: Bitch couldn’t even finish the fucking job?

Iida: STOP IT

Shinsou: Have at me, motherfucker.

Iida: SHINSOU, NO!!!!

Shinsou: SLIT MY THROAT, BET YOU FUCKING WON’T

Todoroki: Mood.

Iida: TODOROKI, STOP ENCOURAGING HIM

Hawks, Please No

Hawks: I went to McDonald's and found out the ice cream machine isn’t working

Endeavor:

Endeavor: Okay, and??

Hawks: I’m not gonna lie.

Hawks: I kinda wanted to commit a war crime.

Stinky

Bakugo, talking about his experience with the League: Their leader, Shigaraki?

Bakugo:

Bakugo: He’s a goddamn noob.

Sunshine Baby

Mirio, after a joke successfully lands: :D

Mirio: I AM COMEDY

Confusion

(based on my very little online presence with lack of face pics)

Hagakure:

Hagakure: HOW

Jirou: What’s up?

Hagakure: You know I’m completely invisible right??

Ashido: Yes?

Hagakure: How I don’t show up in photos?

Yaoroyozu: That is the point of your quirk, is it not?

Tsuyu: If you weren’t, you’d just be quirkless then.

Hagakure: The big joke is that my PFP on every social is just a blank white slate!

Uraraka: Tooru - chan, where are you going with this?

Hagakure: They don’t even know what I look like!?

Hagakure: BUT THEY’RE STILL SENDING ME DICK PICS

Bonus:

Kirishima: What are other ways to explain your dick is hard? I’m... I’m trying to sext my s/o.

Sero: EXPAND DONG

Kaminari: Peepee EXTENDUS

Bakugo:

Bakugo: I hate it here.

[theabominableblogger]

Rewatching “Fright Night” (the 1985 version)

No I ain’t watching the remake with David Tennant.  ‘Cause I said so.

*does Borat impression while loading the movie on Amazon Prime*

“Sit here beside me on the veranda.”  Is this the... TV show scene?  The show with Roddy McDowall?

SCARE CHOOORD!

“So... luminescent.”  *laughs*

Those were some... horrible kissing noises

I like the out of context implication that as soon as the woman asks the dude to lay on her chest, Peter Vincent’s like “NONE IN THIS HOUSE!”

“IF SHE BREATHES...”

What idiot puts their smelly ass soccer cleats on their headboard?

“We’ve been going together almost a year, and all I ever hear is ‘Charley, stop it.’“  Well then maybe that’s a you problem

Also what the hell is that map thing next to Amy?

“Let’s get into bed.”  *bug eyes*

Amy, that is not the look of someone who is ready to have sex.

“It says right here that the divorce rate is 76% higher among couples who don’t argue before marriage.”  Shut up, Mom.

“Thank you [Amy] for helping Charley with his homework.”  ...I was gonna make a sex joke here but nah.

Oh I hate Charley’s friend in his movie.

Charley’s car, while super nice, looks like a sunburnt cow

“My luck.  He’s [the neighbor] probably gay.”  AAAAAHHH THEY EVEN SAID IT!

I really Charley to slap Teach [Ed] at some point but I know it’s never gonna happen.

For a moment, I thought that the carpenter dude partner was gonna be like Kenny from “The War at Home” but nah.  He probably just uses his teeth a lot.

*silently jamming to the background synth music*

*Charley spots a woman removes her bra in the window*  What was this rated again?

AN:  It’s rated R

*yells when Jerry looks over to see Charley through the window*

*Shot of Jerry’s hand pulling down the window blind*  That... is a lady hand.

AN:  They were actually extensions that Chris wore and he helped apply them himself so that he could just rip them off after a day of shooting

*Charley’s mom ruins Charley’s cover*  DAMN IT MOM

This movie is basically “Who Cried Wolf” but with vampires?

“I’m his roommate Billy Cole.”  Can you believe just that the fact that this movie was made in the mid 80s when the AIDS crisis in the US was getting ready to happen and director Tom Holland and the screenwriter went “YES they’re gonna be GAY and THAT’S FINAL”

“You actually saw the body, Charley?”  Uh doesn’t that tone raise any suspicion from the detective STANDING NEXT TO HIM?

*snorts in hilarity when Billy jokingly does the sign of the cross*

Charley, I would not trust anything Teach tries to tell you.

AND OF COURSE CHARLEY’S MOM INVITED JERRY OVER

OMINOUS SYNTH CHORD

My God, Chris Sarandon...

What’s with the celery?

Charley’s mom is the most oblivious character in this whole movie, I swear

FISH EYE LENS

I forget, do we ever see Jerry in vampire bat form or do we just see him as Chris Sarandon with fangs the entire movie?

Why yes, Charley, use your tiny crucifix.

Doesn’t the whole “enter with permission” count with bedrooms too or just the house in general?  If it counted with bedrooms, couldn’t Charley just put up a sign on his door that said “NO ADMISSION WITHOUT PERMISSION” and that would keep Jerry out?

Jerry is the most casual vampire I’ve seen so far.  Someone would just throw a chair at him and he’ll just No-Sell it like “Listen... I was just saying...”

There’s got to be a logical way to explain this Christmas thing.

We just need a vampire that’s like Catherine O’Hara from “Schitt’s Creek”

I love how Charley’s like 80% out the window and yet he can still reach for an entire mug of pencils

NO WAIT WE SEE HIS [Jerry’s] VAMPIRE FACE NEVERMIND

Valium?!?

Christopher Lee!

THAT FRAMING [of Billy kneeling directly in front of Jerry’s legs] ISN’T OBVIOUS AT ALL TOM HOLLAND

The logic for this movie is something else.  Charley sees someone on TV perform a vampire killing ON A TV SHOW and thinks “YES I’m going to ask him to help me with this vampire situation!” 

This is like asking Drew Carey if he can assist in a vampire hunting

*imitates Peter Vincent shooing Charley away*

*snorts at Teach and Amy walking in on Charley setting holy stuff ALL OVER HIS HOUSE*

Also I absolutely forgot about the weird side plot with Amy being an incarnation of a past love.  What is it with this and Bram Stoker’s Dracula going this route?

Man, Roddy McDowall is just a masterclass in classical acting.  You can tell the different style between him and the other actors.

There’s a bust of Klaus Kinski’s Nosferatu in the glass box!

AN:  *in best Janet from ‘The Good Place’ impression*  Fun fact, Klaus Kinski was actually an asshole

I like the red and black plaid night coat

God, all those clocks going off at once reminds me of the scene in Pinocchio.  That would give me so much anxiety in real life.

WHO TOSSED JERRY THE APPLE?!?

OH AND THEY [Jerry and Billy] WALK OFF TOGETHER OF COURSE

*imitates Peter Vincent saying “Good evening good evening”*

*going through AO3′s Fright Night 1985 tag as Peter explains what he’s doing*  Wow there’s four pages.  I might have to bookmark some of these.

Ohhhh kay, nevermind on half of these.  Not into that.  Nope nope nope.

I forget, is Billy also a vampire?  Or is he like some ghoul?  Werewolf?

...Interspecies romance?

For a fact, I know that if CinemaSins covers this movie, they would award Jerry the “eating an apple because he’s an asshole” sin and I would laugh

Oh he’s [Jerry] gonna go for the hand kiss, isn’t he? 

OH GOD DAMMIT

*has to still register it*

Wait, did Jerry hold the bottle up in front of the fire in case there was actually holy water?  Would heating it up counteract the holy water inside?

WAIT DOESN’T PETER CATCH JERRY’S LACK OF REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR AS THEY LEAVE?

How did they do that?  Did they just... comp Chris Sarandon out or did they have him tuck out of frame but still say his lines?

AN:  Tom Holland originally goofed up the shot I guess but they ran with it

JERRY IS BI HEADCANON CONFIRMED

WAIT HE FOUND THE MIRROR SHARDS

The overhead tracking shot following Ed in the alleyway is actually pretty good.  And the way it slides to a normal shot is great.

Oh they do the creepy Dracula fog!

Wait, this movie came out the same year as Nightmare on Elm Street 2.  Dang.

And that movie also had a weird homoerotic tone to it.

You know what, the way Jerry offers Ed salvation only to attack him was actually pretty solid.  Just good acting from both of them.  I was sold.

WAIT IT’S THE CLUB SCENE!

*Peter presses a cross to Ed’s forehead*  Great prosthetic too, holy crap!

*jams out to the song playing at the club*

Why do Jerry’s dance clothes look like either my pajamas or really lame exercise clothes?

God, it’s [Jerry pacing back and forth watching Amy] like a cat stalking a bird holy crap

NOOOO I DON’T NEED TO WATCH THIS SHE’S LIKE SIXTEEEEENNNN

*jaw drops when Jerry runs his hand up Amy’s leg*  NOOOOOO

Not gonna lie, this song almost sounded like a remix of the Nightmare on Elm Street theme

NOOOOOOOO STOOOOOPPPP CEASE DESIST

Amy’s hair just gets wilder and wilder during this dance sequence

STOOOOOOPPPP

Quick, Charley, start a fight!  Just... punch someone!  Commotion!

*just yells when Jerry steals a kiss from Amy*

*Amy wakes up in a white dress in Jerry’s house*  NOPE

God and he [Jerry] took off his shirt too just *hides face in hands*

*covers mouth with hand in attempt not to say anything*

*Jerry’s dragging finger scrapes off wood on the banister*  Oh that’s just mean

*Jerry drapes his arms over the back of Billy’s shoulders*  HMM

They would be that duo who would pick up a phone and take turns to go “...surprise, Sidney...”

*A wolf walks out of Mrs. Brewster’s room*  WHAAAAATTT?!?

Dang they really just tossed a plushie wolf off the stairs

WAIT the guy that did the VFX for this movie also did “Ghostbusters” if I remember correctly

AN:  Yes

They are just... really dragging out Ed’s death scene

That kinda exasperated look Peter gives the smoking house is great

Wait is Billy a vampire too?  Zombie?  What is he?

I really just want Charley to reach out and just slightly poke dying Billy in the chest so that he crumbles backwards.  That would have been hilarious.

How long is Amy’s hair?

HE [Jerry] DOES TURN INTO A BAT!

Real plot twist would be that the bat bite also starts turning Charley into a vampire so Peter would have to kill three birds with one stone (heal Charley and Amy and kill Jerry)

Boss move:  Peter closing the coffin in front of Jerry

And it ends with the same shot as the opening!

“Oh, you’re so cool, Brewster.”  So is Ed alive?

[malepresentingleg]

is it 2013 again? cause i have a rant about teen wolf coming and i feel 16 y/o.

so due to dome heavy procrastination I've consumed a lot of teen wolf content, i skipped a bunch of episodes and a lot of scenes in the ones i haven't but i still have some Thoughts TM

it's good??? i had a Good Time watching, it was funny but intense and dark and i felt Feelings watching, some of the plotlines were meh (or maybe i just skipped them heh) but a lot were interesting and i loved the characters and their interaction

scott. my sweetheart. my baby. such a cutiepie, such a great protagonist 10/10 i love him and would die for him. he's so pure and cute and his little smile melts my heart. i love how he's fundamentally Human no matter how non human he is. he's a great character all around and i kinda wish they didn't do that shit to him at the end (imma get there) or treated him like he ISN'T the protagonist for such big parts of the shows

people KNOW. Stiles knows from day one, allison finds out soon, his mom finds out in season 2! the sheriff in 3, and they just become part of the gang and can help them with stuff bc they UNDERSTAND. shows like that get really tiring when the teens constantly lie to everyone around them and it was very refreshing. the running gag with the coach ruining things tho was funny and I'm ok with it.

Ok this is mellisa appreciation time. she's SUCH a great, complex and unusual mom-of-hero character. i absolutely love her and her attitude, i love how she's not simply being used as a tool to cause scott pain (just.. sometimes) and their relationship is parenting goals.

also isn't it fucking hilarious how she's a nurse but she just knows everything medical. she's also a surgeon and a mortician and a doctor. ik it's for plot reasons but it funny af.

in general women on the show.. had a lot of potential, i love them, but i hate how they were treated.

allison was all around great imo, her and scott's relationship was built very well and was two sided from the start (unlike... yeah), she has emotions, she's smart and brave, but also human and scared, she kicks ass and, again, exists outside of Scott's GF status (mostly). andddd they killed her. idk if the actress had to/wanted to leave or it was a pure writers decision bc they needed to keep just her father or something, but that would have been ok if not for all the other things

we have 3 main kickass ladies with powers- lydia, kira and malia. lydia spent close to FIVE whole seasons not knowing anything about her abilities/not knowing how to control them. cmon, it gets old. scott masters his powers after a season or two (and had control a lot sooner), parrish finds out what he is like half a season after it becomes relevant etc.

malia- do i need to explain? she was CONSTANTLY struggling controlling her abilities, no matter how badass she supposedly was. and kira oh boy, they did her dirty, didn't they?

kira was such a cute adorable character. i loved her and her little crush on scott and wanting to make friends and being freaked out about relationships, i love her discovering her past and heritage and learning to fight and gaining control and becoming a badass. but. what? they just undid all this? oh no the fox is taking over she has no control no agency of her own she needs to disappear for years now bye :( again, idk if the actress needed to leave but it was so unsatisfying and was insulting to the character. she wasn't even mentioned later a bunch like allison was, just they needed her mom for a plot tool and didn't even acknowledge it was her sword they were breaking. uhm rude?

LET WOMEN HAVE POWERS AND BE AWESOME WITH THEM. and not just minor/bad characters thanks.

i love the concept of a pack on the show and how you don't have to be a werewolf to be a part of it, how scott becomes a true alpha and how he cares about his friends. i kinda feel like in later seasons him being an alpha was more talk than show which like /: meh. like i said, he stopped BEING the main character, just talked about as if he was.

i love how friendship is valued, but i think it could be more.. i mean the scene in the motel, all season 3b, scott and lydia, all the girls with each other.. i love it. too many times tho it "wasn't enough" and only romantic love worked which SUCKS. in 6a i was so happy scott went in to try and remember stiles and the memories hit me right in the heart. then when it "wasn't enough" i was SO pissed and frustrated goddammit. i guess that leads me to the next point-

ships, should i talk about ships? i don't want hate in my asks but oh well it's been a few years maybe there's no fandom to care. I'll start with the end

malia and scott. what. the. fuck. when, out of fucking no where, they had like a lingering look or something i was just "nope. no thanks". and then every scene they had together i had to cover my eyes bc it felt so wrong and bad and awkward. jesus. no build up at ALL, they're like family, i just. ew. no. it felt way too much like "oh we gotta pair off the leftovers" or "the main character can't end up single" well guess what, he fucking can. it was. god. i can't even explain the disgust. when he needed to heal and all she had to do was kiss him ugh. it felt so fake and empty of meaning. i would 100% prefer for it to be stiles (I'll get there) or his mom who snapped him out of it.

melissa and chris, i could get aboard with that. def cute, def weird af since his dead daughter was dating her son but, well.

stiles and lydia is a ship i have conflicting feelings about. i absolutely hate the concept of "the nerd" is in love with the popular girl since freshman year and he's borderline being a creep ("oh but it's stiles! he's a dork and he's harmless" no.), completely obsessed with her and she ignores him but then they end up getting together.. i mean, it sends a bad msg to obsessed boys about how it's worth it in the end, and it makes the whole relationship feel unbalanced from the start, makes her reciprocation feel unatural. BUT, i have to admit the show did kinda make me warm up to this ship by the end, curse them. it was kinda cute. i wish there was more mutualness before it became such an important part in 6a tho.

just gonna put it out there: malia/kira and lydia/allison. i wish we saw more girl on girl interactions in general but the ones we had were very good, great dynamics.

i won't get too much into it but i.. i don't ship st*rek. i understand why they're the biggest ship (two white hot boys that interact with each other, i mean.), and i see the couple of fan service-y moments the show throws at us but just. they don't have my heart, i don't really care about them. not the characters, the characters i absolutely love! (tho this watch i skipped most of season 1 and 2 and 3a and i think that's where derek is the most asshole.. didn't he do really bad things? idr) idk if you want a bad character on the way to redemption with someone you should ship liam and theo who had way better shippy chemistry imo, even tho their ship probably wouldn't be healthy given their dynamic history, huh.

the ship that does owns my heart? scilies. I'm a softy when it comes to best friends to lovers, and their bond and relationship is just. so. pure. don't get me wrong, i love me a good platonic relationship, but there was just one to many homoerotic interactions between them for me not to ship it, hard. (not to be that person but my guess is that if Scott was white it would have been a way bigger ship, but who knows?) i love their love, i love they would do anything for each other, and i feel like there were a bunch of very missed opportunities for them in later seasons :(

so representation. this feels like a show that is trying to be Woke TM but it's not going so well. the main character is supposedly latino but it's never ever addressed. idc about "oh we want a world without prejudice" you can still fucking address it. i mean they went to Mexico a couple of times, stiles keeps saying "Mexican cousin" i mean. god. give us something. did i mention scott was told he'd make a great "nazi youth" ..

and you don't need to be a genius to see the most characters are very white or at least very white passing. and when you don't address their non whiteness they might as well be..

i already mentioned how poorly i feel kira was treated, but also mason, who is a wonderful character, gets no depth? we know nothing about him other than being gay and smart pretty much.

i also spoke about the women already but, they were really really great women characters, but not enough of them, not enough that lasted.

there's not much to talk about disability bc it just wasn't on the show. the only blind character was healed which. /: same with epilepsy and asthma..

i think the show is probably very proud (ha) with their LGBTQ+ rep bc they're like "oh let's make this insignificant couple gay bc hey nbg". examples are lydia's grandma, La Bete and marcel, i think nolan and jiang were exes and then nolan and gabe were a thing? idr if it was explicit. the couple of girls in the tent.. probably a couple more. it's nice, def better than all random couples being straight but that's not satisfying as rep.

Danny was great. i think he and ethan were.. cute? i think he was awesome, i loved danny so much and was very excited to learn he KNOWS at the end of season 3 and was waiting to see him join the pack. instead he fucking disappeared?! wtf. #WhereDidDannyGo

brett was cute rep, especially being bi but i feel like it could go into the insignificant pool which, again, is better than nothing.

mason and corey i just don't have strong feelings about. they were definitely cute and I'm glad they were together, i love mason A Lot. i think this relationship could be explored more, or at least the characters could be explored more to give this relationship more depth.

very interesting how there's no wlw canon couple, not even hinted. just fan servicey hot malia kira dance which /:

not to mention transgenderness. god can you imagine the interesting plotline of transitioning while being a werewolf 0:

i think the rep i was most happy about was ethan and Jackson. even tho i don't think there was build up or clues in the first couple of seasons, I'm happy for the actor who i know was struggling with coming out publicly, and it was very fun and refreshing for the ending. even if we got very few scenes with them the dynamic was 10/10

the biggest problem is obviously stiles. i just don't understand why, if they're so supposedly progressive, they went to that length to queerbait without following through. the whole gag of wanting to be attractive to danny and to gay guys, the whole "aww danny want to have sex with me that's so nice", the whole "do you like guys too?". it's a gag. his alleged bisexuality is the butt of a joke, and it pisses me the fuck off. they don't have to make it a big deal or have him get a bf for it to be official. it wasn't subtle subtext. it was a CHOICE. to put a spotlight on his sexuality but not deliver. -100/10 would not recommend.

also they could talk about his mental health more.

and about Scott's, please and thank you.

and everyone's.

i had some more feelings, like villains changing sides without getting a proper redemption and having no consequences, the wholesomeness of the sherriff and mellisa being each other's kids second parent eichen house (wtf??), and more, but i think i wrote enough for now.

tl;dr- good show with A Lot of problems, will always have a place in my heart bc I'm a nostalgic gal.

[love-the-purple-cat]

Oh don't you dare look back, just keep your eyes on me - Chapter 1 Part 5

“Yer hair again?” She asks, idly kicking one of the men when they try to get up.

“Not quite. They got mad I beat up their men who made fun of my hair and decided that I needed to be taught a lesson.”

She snorts unattractively. “Do ya even like yer hair colour?”

Once again, Ichigo pauses in though. “...Why do you ask that?”

“Cause, no offence, but yer hair keeps gettin' ya inta trouble, and ya don’t even seem ta’ appreciate it. If it’s too much then just dye it sumthin' borin'.”

...It’s not that he hadn’t thought about it, it’s just that it was one of the few connections he had still with his mother. Dyeing it seemed like a betrayal, and felt like giving up and admitting defeat after fighting others about it for so long.

“Ah, that does sound like a good reason not ta' dye it,” She says when he unintentionally thinks aloud. “But yer missin' ma' point: Are ya happy wit' yer hair? The colour will still appear when ya grow it out, it’ll just be temporarily hidden.”

He lightly fingers a strand. It was getting longer.

“I'll think about it.”

She nods. Neither pleased nor displeased.

 ------------------------

“Come over this weekend.”

They are eating lunch in her classroom, in a way celebrating becoming friends after knowing each other for a month. Her classmates occasionally throw them looks that they ignore.

“Sure. What are we goin' ta' do?”

He thinks of the box of black hair dye that he got on his last shopping trip with Yuzu two days ago. Yuzu had looked at him questionably but hadn’t said a thing to their family. “I need help with my hair.”

Cherī raises a brow, not getting the hint.

“I’m...” He swallows, eyes flickering to the other people in the room. “I’m thinking of trying something new. That thing you talked about a few days ago.”

It takes a moment longer for her eyes to light up in recognition and understanding. “Sure, where will we meet up?”

The corner of his lip twitches up.

 ---------------------------

“Yer mom famous or sumthin'?”

He looks to where she is examining his mother’s poster. “No, my dad got it after she died.”

She appears to be contemplating something before looking away. “So, where’s yer bathroom? Ah’m not gonna lie, da dye will stain yer bathtub/tiles like a bitch when ya wash it out. Best ya put on some old clothes too.”

Ichigo nods and leads the way, feeling nervous and calm at the same time.

Cherī orders him to sit on the edge of the bath, or bring a chair but then there’s a chance that it would be stained so he doesn’t. She starts by brushing his hair and parting it before beginning. “Ya sure ‘bout this, Ichigo?”

“Yeah.” His tone is breathless, heart thumping hard in his ribcage and something is lodged in his throat.

“Okay.” Her voice is soft and quiet, though not in comfort. It just is.

His eyes close, a foreign calmness taking over him as she works on his hair. It isn’t as short as it used to be, but it isn’t as long as he would have guessed it would be after not seeing a hairdresser for nearly a year.

“An’ now we leave it fer 25mins.” Her voice arouses him from the half-asleep state he had been in. He turns to look at himself in the mirror, but she blocks his view. “Let’s leave that fer later, okay?” Her voice is soft again.

He swallows thickly and nods. “Okay.”

They go to his room. They don’t talk, not really, but the silence doesn’t feel suffocating. She looks around the small space, and the though of how empty his room looks strikes him. There is only the essentials of a bed, a desk with a corkboard over it, and a chair. It doesn’t have any personality.

But, why does he care what his room looks like to an outsider?

“Ya got any favourite books?” Cherī asks, done looking around the bare room.

“Shakespeare.” He answers automatically.

“He’s good. Don’t know much ‘bout his works, only Romeo an' Juliet an’ that’s just a general idea. Ah like Dracula, an' Dr.Jekyl an' Mr.Hyde. Ya know, books wit' what could be considered a homoerotic undertone nowadays.” She looks at the notes stuck on the board. Most of them are related to school or past commitments so he doesn’t see a problem with her looking.

“Ya got any relatives? Ah got at least two first cousins an' a bunch of other great aunts an' uncles that ma' parents want me ta know ‘bout even though Ah only meet ‘em once every five years. Kinda pisses me off when they get annoyed that Ah don’t know any of their names, but that’s what happens when ya barely see someone.”

He blinks. This was the first time since the first day that she is mentioning family. “Not on my mom’s side, I think. But on my dad's...”

Did he have relatives in Soul Society? There were quite a few similarities between him and Kūkaku, and Ukitake-taichō had mentioned that he looks like his former lieutenant Shiba Kaien.

“’s okay ta' not know.” Cherī says. “Family’s confusin' sumtimes, an' it doesn’t help when they keep secrets, or don't bother mentionin' important stuff.”

She was right. His father had kept the fact that he was a shinigami from him, what’s one more secret?

“Time ta' wash yer hair. Ya need help wit' that?”

“No.”

She doesn’t smile, nor does she frown. “Okay.”

 -------------‐-----------------

He doesn’t like how he looks.

No...

He hates how he looks. He looks way too similar to Kūkaku, with his sharp chin and eyes.

He looks way too similar to them.

What was one more secret?

-The past is never dead. It’s just buried underneath soil and concrete-

“Ichigo,” Cherī calls, brown brows furrowed in concern. “Are ya okay?”

No. “Yeah.” He croaks. He clears his throat and tries again. “Yeah, just getting used to the new look.” He tries to smile but it must have come out as a grimace with the way she frowns.

“Okay. Ya got a dark hat or sumthin'?”

“Why?”

“’Cuz we're goin' ta' da store an' we're gonna buy ya a new dye.”

“This one is fine.”

“No, it ain't.” Her voice is a touch harder. “It’s makin' ya sad an' that’s da opposite of what we were aimin’ fer.”

“Cherī-“ He tries but is cut off.

“There's nothin’ wrong wit’ not likin' how ya look. Nothin' wrong wit' not likin’ black.” She says, and for a single moment, it feels as though she is talking about something else, like she knows what his inner tumour is about. “Let’s go get ya a new colour, Ichi.”

He nods, and chokes out an “Okay.”

 -----------------------

They're at one of the shops on the main street.

The first thing that greets them when they enter is hair dyes on one side of the aisle and deodorants on the other. Ichigo browses through the ‘natural’ colours first before going to the more ‘fun' – as Cherī calls them – ones. 

 All the colours of the rainbow were here: red, green, blue, purple, yellow and orange, along with a couple of other colours, each having different shades from lighter to darker. 

“When Ah first started dyeing ma' hair,” Cherī says, picking up a box and examining it. “Ah did it in ma' favourite colour – purple. Months later, Ah found out that if Ah planned on continuin' ta' dye ma’ hair fun colours, da colours would need ta' be ones that can easily be turned inta the next. Fer example: Ya dye yer hair blue, few months pass and ya want a new colour, yer either gonna havta bleach it or yer gettin' it done in green. Understand?” She places two bleaching kits in the basket.

Ichigo nods, examining the colours. His eyes stray towards the blue dyes, specifically the one that reminds him of Grimmjow.

He swallows.

Several months have passed since he had last seen the Espada; how would he react if he were to see him now – powerless and alone?

Well, he glances at Cherī as she compares two different shades of pink, not quite alone.

“Do ya like blue?” She asks, both boxes securely placed in the basket.

“Yeah,” He wets his lips. “I do.” It feels like he is confessing a sin by saying those words and thinking about his enemy. Were they even enemies now?

“Then get it.” She doesn’t reach for the box, preferring to wait for him to do it.

“It will clash with my complexion.” He argues weakly. Raising two girls since he was nine forced him to dive into fashion and learn the rules: body types, complexions, colour schemes and such. There were many other things he had to learn and do while his father was in mourning to survive but now was not the time to think about the past.

“So? This ain’t a fashion statement, Ichi. It's about makin' ya feel good and happy. But... if ya want a more autumn colour we can get red.” She reaches for the box and he grabs her wrist.

“No, not red.” Red reminds him of Renji, who reminds him of Rukia. Neither has bothered to visit him the months following Aizen's defeat. The excuse of him being unable to see them wouldn’t fly, not when he knew Urahara keeps gigais in his shop.

-There are bodies in the soil-

“Okay.” She says, slowly pulling her hand away. “Not red then. Bad memories?”

He winces, releasing her wrist to rub at his neck. “It’s... complicated.”

The girl huffs, “What does it remind ya of?”

He meant to say, “Nothing”. He wanted to say, “Renji”.Hell, he could have said nothing and she would have accepted his silence as an answer. Which is why he is so surprised when the word leaves his mouth without his permission.

“Blood.”

And it is true. The shade she was reaching for also reminds him of blood. It makes him remember the wound he had been inflicted in Hueco Mundo, where he quite literally died and was dead for a while, long enough for his inner Hollow to take control and battle the cuatro Espada Ulquiorra and win, before he managed to wrestle back control of his body. It also reminds him of the markings on his hollow mask.

Cherī looks surprised - not mortified, just... surprised. “Okay,” She repeats. “Not red.”

She’s examining the colours, searching for one that would fit his complexion, when he reaches forward and plucks the blue, Baby Blue, one and puts it in the basket. She doesn’t question him, doesn’t even indicate to have seen him do it but he knows she saw him and he appreciates her silence.

“What ‘bout green?”

His first though is Ulquiorra with his acid green eyes, marble skin, and black black bat wings that carry him over the sands of Hueco Mundo.

His second is Nelliel.

 “I like it.” He picks a turquoise shade called Mermaid.

“Pink?”

He likes pink, he's worn it often enough when he was younger and his sisters wanted to dress him up, but...

“No, not today.”

“Bad memories?”

He thinks of Yachiru, the girl with what he would describe bubblegum pink – even if that shade is called Cupcake here – hair and the man whose shoulder she would ride on.

“Not really.”

She nods, then juts her chin violently towards a reddish-pink colour named Love Letter. “What ‘bout that?”

The colour is nice so he gets it.

They continue on like that for a while, choosing and comparing colours - some of which repeat since Cherī also likes them - until the basket is overflowing. As a final colour Cherī chooses Snow – a pure white colour that reminded him of his inner Hollow's hair.

There's so much hair dye that he wonders whether he would ever be able to use each at least once.

The cashier is baffled by the amount but remains silent while she rings them up. It's as the numbers climb higher and higher that he begins to worry, given that he hadn’t brought that much money. But before he can open his mouth Cherī is already handing her credit card with a, “Could you also add one strawberry and one cherry flavoured chapstick? Thank you.”

He turns to look at her in bafflement. This was the first time he hears her speak ‘properly’ and it honestly unnerves him.

“Not ev'ryone can understan’ me, Ichi.” She says, handing him one of the bags.

They make their way to his house, talking about which colour they should do first. Cherī wants to see him in Love Letter or Milan – a light yellow colour that reminds him of an éclair's filling – but he says that he wants to try Baby Blue. She nods and gives him the strawberry chapstick.

“Yer lips are chapped.” She says and he accepts it.

[twowivestwoknives]

Album thing:

I want more mce onions so three cheers for sweet revenge pls

oh Hell yeah aighty here we go: Revenge, best to worst as deemed by this bitch (me)

1. Cemetery Drive

I’m completely bias as it’s one of my all time favourite MCR songs BUT i have a reason. Revenge is a song known for it’s roughness and it doesn’t do the merging of soft and hard together as well as the band grows to be able to do (see Sleep or Save Yourself later on). Cemetery Drive is really the song on the album that marries the emotional intensity and desperation the band has been known for up to this point with the utilization of musical stylings that stand out from the rest of the tracks but still sound distinctly My Chem. It’s the Halos of Revenge and I fucking adore it. Plus lyrically? Fucking poetry 2. Hang ‘Em High This Song Fucks. It’s lyrically all over the place but terrifying and you can tell Gerard believes every word in how they sing it even if he has no clue what it means. It’s all the theatrical, violent drama the band is known for, and it in my opinion epitomizes Revenge as an album. Which is a big statement especially with songs like Venom and Helena on it, but I think it touches on all of the thematic cores (rebirth, being hunted to death, dead women, catholic guilt, murder), and I think as a “scene” of a song, as the album is concept, it really frames the frenzy someone who’s rolling with the punches of coerced serial murder would be going through. Plus murder goth cowboys. Woohoo. 3. It’s Not A Fashion Statement, It’s a Fucking Deathwish One of the most impressive opening lines of any song I’ve heard in my 25 years. It earns the spot in top three just for “For what you did to me! For what I’ll do to you! You get what everyone else gets....you get a lifetime!” Way to make a lyric sound like a prayer and a threat in the same breath. From there on it’s just a banger. A drag race of an MCR song that does 3 more laps than you’d ever expected to. Really embraces the energy MCR has in it’s speed, and not afraid to use a major sound here or there. 4. Helena It’s super weird for me to put a release this high on the list but Helena holds up as one of the most beautiful songs of the mid oughts. It shows “revenge” for what it is thematically on the album, a revenge on death. That is the running theme. i saw someone say Bullets is Gerard being terrified of death, Revenge is them being pissed about it, Parade is an acceptance of it, and Danger Days is a preoccupation with after-life in the form of memorium. Helena is also musically so outfield for the band at this point that really for the innovation gets it put here. The music video is also one of the most beautiful and aesthetically pleasing videos of all time imho.

5. To The End

You gotta love an anti capitalist homoerotic murder mansion anthem. I also believe the plot of this song was based off a book of the same name? Cuz Gerard really loves their cultural references. This song is so fun and hauntingly beautiful and I would Not want to be at this houseparty. Bonus points for the explicit gay lyrics and also Ray’s harmonies. That man has a voice of gold my lord. 6. The Jetset Life Is Going to Kill You I don’t know if this will make sense outside of my own brain but Jetset is what Prison could’ve been. Like Jetset is beautiful and haunting and absolutely about things that are not PG or even PC these days to talk about, but it weaves the themes so deftly with the music that it just works. Also did anyone else see that Sims2 youtube video of Jetset where Gerard was like...a secret ghost murderer of abusive boyfriends? No? Just me and my 6th grade class that I forced to watch it for show and tell? Cool. 7. Give ‘Em Hell, Kid This song just straight up fucks. I feel like it hones a lot of what MCR’s vibe was in revenge era (though I was still a little young for them at that time, I came into the band when I was 11 so that would be 06). It really does sum up the nonsensical metaphor, the hyper-drama, the almost drag levels of camp, the violence, the viscerality. Also points for a call forward lyrically to The Sharpest Lives. 8. I Never Told You What I Do For A Living This song is here because of the chorus, firstly, and the viscerality secondly. I scared the shit outta sixth grade teachers singing this one. But it is such a fun and interesting vocal line throughout the entire song and I’m a singer so I’m bias. Plus it’s such a phenomenal song to end the album just top tier. “The kinda dirty where the water never cleans off the clothes” is also just a to-the-core line 9. Thank You For The Venom Venom is actually a really good song, and I feel weird having it so low considering I have a tattoo from it. It’s not that I don’t like it, it’s just that I guess the songs above I like more? Venom is absolutely a fan favourite so it might just be a case of I’ve heard it too much. Lyrically and musically very fist-fight gut-punch. Fight with glass shards stead of knives type vibe. It’s really interesting to listen to a song critiquing substance use and forced medication because I remember back in the oughts when everyone was so anti-meds (some for fair reasons and some for not), and just seeing a song that lays prescribed medication and self medication on the same table saying “either could kill me but I wont let it” is....that’s a cultural moment right there. 10. Ghost Of You The song is beautiful and that chorus is fucking gutwrenching, I’m just so incredibly not here for war music videos. Doubly not if it traumatizes people to film them? Like...no need to give the state more propoganda boys just let the song be pretty. 11. You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison? Okay this song had so much potential, and it was pretty fucking radical at the time not gonna lie. Rape analogies ain’t it. The song was really written from how I understand it to do the kinda stage-gay MCR was known for in the oughts. Hearing them talk about it, 2004 wasn’t a time homophobes were shy in hardcore, so songs like Prison paired with the stage antics made Homophobes...not wanna be there. Which gave them more space for the actual queers in the audience (and arguably on stage) to rock out without getting hate crimed. Also lyrically a lottta critiques of the prison system but yeah, coulda thought it through a bit more. We coulda had another Jetset but alas. 12. I’m Not Okay (I Promise) This song is fun as hell and you will catch me singing every word when it comes on. It’s only down here as it is just...a little underwhelming compared to the rest of the album. It’s fun and lyrically pressing and great to headbang to, but a lot of the rest of the album is more complex or intense in ways that I’m Not Okay just fails to fill out 13. Interlude Like it’s pretty but it absolutely sounds like a “we need 13 songs cuz frank said so” song. It’s filler.