#this is just smth that i think about w relationships in general i think like im always paranoid theyre talking shit abou tme

[thebigqueer]

i am so paranoid about what her friends think o fme cuz i know before we started dating i was very much like 'ohhhh idk if im ready for a relationship but i like being w you' which im sure probably read something along the lines of red flag but i swear it wasnt supposed to be it was literally just me wanting to spend more time actually getting to know her before dating but im sure her friends were concerned about it so now im so fucking stressed theyre probably bein glike 'good riddance she probs didnt even like you shes probably a fuckboy' but im notttt i swear im not i literally just wanted more time to get to know her !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and this is also why im stressed about why her ex situationshp even followed me cuz like this girl would never have noticed me otehrwise i dont even think she knew we were on the same dnace team highkey . and i talked to my other firend and she was like 'yeah she never followed me back' so the fact she followed ME first is soooooo suspicious . all of this to say what the fuck what if theyre talking about me and assuming things they shouldnt be assuming. what if she told them about all the things i did wrong that i didnt even know i did wrong and nwo theyre shitting on me as if they know anytihng abou tme. what the fuck .

[inchidentally]

can I just say that as someone who overanalyzes and will gladly embrace angst I haven’t seen anything negative between Lando and Oscar ?? like nothing? and that these are the times when it would be happening? if Oscar was even especially happy and Lando looked like That - or if one of them was smiling and trying to joke and the other wasn’t responding - then maybe I’d be like hmmm

but genuinely all I’ve seen since the race finish is them both looking fraught bc of The Circumstances but repeatedly reaching out to each other (chattering before the race interviews, Lando squeezing Oscar twice, Oscar apologizing, not being much more excitable than if it were a second place and def less excitable than Monaco, doing the cute little joke of keeping the trophy from being broken by Lando)

like those are all the moments where historically a breakdown between teammates shows itself most - I’ve never seen an instance of a 1-2 where if the other feels totally robbed, they don’t show it most fully in the moments immediately after the race and on the podium !!! it’s usually only long afterward or days later that they can do what Lando and Oscar are doing already (and sometimes not a all)

like this is coming from someone who is still fully prepared for their relationship to become ‘complex’ inevitably (although they’ve already been tested multiple times and are far more mature than men twice their age) but I literally don’t see anything but them coping with a LOT of drama to check in and make sure they can still smile and laugh with each other idk mannnn that’s… that’s not smth to be taken lightly and I’m genuinely impressed by them ???

if they didn’t have a truly solid bond and sense of perspective then I think ppl are forgetting just how much F1 drivers do NOT hesitate to show it in the heightened red mist following a race and that if a driver wants to fully gloat in spite of a teammates misery then he absolutely will and quite literally NONE of this has happened w Lando and Oscar so !

like I wouldn’t normally risk an opinion if I didn’t feel 100% in it <3 opinion about McLaren in general is another story but Lando and Oscar <3

[sanjisboyfie]

one piece smau: dating ace edition

— male reader <3 i love ace so much sorry it took so long to finish this pooks

— im a firm believer that ace definitely types hehehehe and actually does giggle in real life. he's such a giggler.

liked by [l/n].ace, freeluffy, and 17k others

portgas.[name]: best part about dating ace?? his person(a)lity(rms) ❤️

tagged: [l/n].ace

[l/n].ace: damn id smash this fine mffff

-> portgas.[name]: im deleting this post u fucking narcissist

freeluffy: i still win our arm wrestles tho 🥱

roro.zoro: does [name] know he mispelt personality?

-> portgas.[name]: its something called a pun, zoro.

-> roro.zoro: well the delivery sucked i thought ur brain had an aneurysm

revo.sabo: BARRRFFFF this egotistical maniac didnt need this stroke to his ego [name]

-> portgas.[name]: trust me im regretting even dating ur silly ass brother rn

-> [l/n].ace: r u guys talking about me 🥺🥺🥺🥺

liked by portgas.[name], m4rco.polo, and 19k others

[l/n].ace: pov ur on a date with me and watching me try not to vomit all the sushi i shoved into my mouth all over the table

tagged: portgas.[name]

portgas.[name]: why r u on dates w other ppl???

-> [l/n].ace: ITS A JOKE BABY PLS

-> portgas.[name]: mhm

m4rco.polo: damn this shit sounds disgusting id never go on a date w u again if i saw this tbh

[liked by portgas.[name], eee.izo, yammyato, and 100 others]

yamayamato: r u cheating on [name] ace?

-> [l/n].ace: IT WAS A JOKE ITS AN INTERNET SAYING PLEASE

-> yamayamato: yeah well i dont think its very funny :// u should be loyal in a relationship

-> portgas.[name]: yamato <333 u were always my favorite boy ugh i love u sm 🥰

liked by portgas.[name], yamayamato, and 21k others

[l/n].ace: weekly me post bc i love me! (and my mans) 🤓😕

tagged: portgas.[name]

portgas.[name]: yeah im in there guys!!!

-> [l/n].ace: i love u hehehe u make me blush hehehehe

portgas.[name]: are u free tn? i'll take u out and treat u right ughhh

-> [l/n].ace: i got a date with my bf later tn, sorry not sorry !!!

revo.sabo: i need to mute you because i can't be seeing this shit when im in public

-> [l/n].ace: dont be ashamed that your brother is so hot wtf

revo.sabo: with all due respect, im already ashamed that hes my brother in general soooo

[liked by portgas.[name], eee.izo, and 200 others]

yamayamato: my arms are still bigger. get on my level ace HAHAHA

-> portgas.[name]: proof?

-> [l/n].ace: this is literally cheating, you're cheating on me right now. can you please stop cheating on me with yamato?

liked by [l/n].ace, portgas.[name], and 15k others

m4rco.polo: god forbid these two do anything by themselves

tagged: [l/n].ace and portgas.[name]

[l/n].ace: ur just jealous ur not in love like we are

-> portgas.[name]: agreed bc how r u gonna be like 40 and still not get any play

-> m4rco.polo: 40?????

dni_nami: i loveee them (whenever they come over they ruin the entire house and im this close to murdering them both)

-> portgas.[name]: but nami 🥺🥺🥺

-> dni_nami: no.

eee.izo: its like ace is trying to become one with him or smth, so unsettling

-> [l/n].ace: weren't you the one preaching about young love a week ago?

-> eee.izo: and now im telling u to GROW UP ace, he's not going anywhere if u let go of him for two seconds

[liked by m4rco.polo, revo.sabo, and 90 others]

liked by portgas.[name], freeluffy, revo.sabo, and 22k others

[l/n].ace: i love my snookums baby boy handsome pretty king to the moon and to saturn <3

tagged: portgas.[name]

portgas.[name]: ... i guess i love you too.

-> [l/n].ace: be more confident when u say it baby cakes

-> m4rco.polo: oh my god [name] break up with this fool already what the fuck is this

freeluffy: whats a snookums?

-> roro.zoro: don't ask luffy, you wouldn't want to know.

revo.sabo: awww what a cute post, if only ace were normal <3

[liked by eee.izo, m4rco.polo, and 100 others]

-> [l/n].ace: ????

-> portgas.[name]: im so glad we can agree on this sabo !!!

liked by eee.izo, [l/n].ace, revo.sabo, and 22k others

portgas.[name]: rare sighting of a photo of ace with his shirt on, everyone celebrate in the comments !!!

tagged: [l/n].ace

portgas.[name]: dont get me wrong hes sexy both ways but im not trying to see his nipples every where i go

-> [l/n].ace: but babe you said u liked my titties 🥺🥺🥺

-> portgas.[name]: can you not do this rn.

revo.sabo: yayyy finally he stopped being a WHORE

-> portgas.[name]: at least he can be my whore, but still i agree

-> [l/n].ace: you're the most confusing man i know

-> [l/n].ace: i love u sm hehehehe

-> revo.sabo: the way ik his ass is blushing so hard rn and kicking his feet in the air

eee.izo: thank god for that, i was getting tired of seeing him shirtles sin every single post

m4rco.polo: finally !!!

portgas.[name]'s story:

i love him A LOOOTTTTTTTT even though he's a lil freak

[l/n].ace replied to your story: when he posts you 😍😍 i love u too bby (even tho u literally cheat on me to my face with yamato but its wtv bc i love u enough to ignore it ❤️)

[plaidos]

wait sorry just to be clear, the post abt 'calling a transmasc a bitch isn't misgendering even if he says it is' is just mockery of the transmisogynistic people who go like 'all i said was 'dude come on', i use the word dude like that all the time, even with cis women, it's not a gendered term, i wasn't even addressing you directly it's just a general term people use in casual conversation, it's not like i referred to you as 'A dude' i just said 'dude' generally so it's not misgendering lololol get over it'. right? not smth you actually believe? i'm assuming it is a joke bc it's exactly the same argument those idiots make just with the genders swapped. i'm just quite bad at detecting sarcasm so i wanted to make sure. i know assholes like to 'discourse' (read: be transmisogynistic) any time the 'dude' thing gets brought up so if u don't want to answer directly it's fine if u jsut make a post along the lines of like 'anon, you are correct/not correct'. since just anon is kinda vague maybe like (thinks of a random animal) 'dolphin anon'. or idk 'anon #123'. i'd be a bit troubled if u actually believe what u said but it's also not the hugest deal, i'd find it kinda gross that ur comfortable doing that with someone who specifically asks u not to use a 'gendered but sometimes used neutrally' term w them. i'd ask u to consider that the word bitch in the way u described functions p much exactly the same as the way ppl often use the term dude, and just bc it's not 'intended' to be gendered doesnt make it not misgendering. like it's as disingenuous as the argument ppl make about the word dude. but tbh even tho i think believing that sucks it's also not like as serious as the dude thing bc it's not like there's a bunch of ppl calling transmascs 'bitch' specifically to harass them. misgendering a transmasc is still rude but it's not as bad as insane transmisogyny lol. obviously if it was a joke/mockery then u already know all this sorry. anyways yeah sorry i have no interest in 'starting shit' or w/e i'm just trying to confirm if it was a joke or not bc my gut says it is, but it's also something that's not impossible for someone to believe and i tend to be bad at discerning these things correctly so i wanted to check. regardless, thanks for ur time and have a nice day.

let me make this perfectly clear:

i think it is noble & honourable to be compared to a woman, and disgusting and abhorrent to be compared to a man.

slightly more serious answer: the word “bitch” is a misogynistic insult. the word “dude” is a masculine word that is not an insult. in general, men are upset at being called “bitch” because it is considered degrading for a man to be like a woman. women are upset at being called “dude” because it asserts that male is the gender neutral default. i am not actually trying to say that bitch is a totally genderless word, that would be nonsensical. but we are not asserting that women are the default when we use “bitch” in a gender-neutral way, are we? there’s an obvious difference here.

similarly, i will — and have — bend to any and every transmascs’ requests to not call them “girl” the way i do everybody — “hey girl” “be serious with me girl”, but i won’t bend to their requests to not refer to a group of people as “ladies” or “girls” (no matter if there are any girls there or not, the way people say “guys” or “men”). you can say “And Coleman” if you care that much and i’ll even affirm it for you. And Coleman. I respect you.

i’m gonna finish this off with: this relationship between transmascs and transfems is not equal as it stands. the english language is already leaning more towards you than us. you’re going to have to put up with us demanding more space. after all, you’re taking up ours.

[menlove]

in honor of pride month. how queer (or Not) do you think the bugs are. for science

here's my semi controversial takes okay take them w a grain of salt idk these men (...people?) anyway

paul: I do think he's bi. whether or not he's like out to people around him or even himself who knows but he's. 100% bi. my evidence is well. really everything w john but also just his Consistent flirting with men in so so so so so many interviews. (my joking answer is that he's a lesbian. him and linda are lesbians.)

george: also bi, mostly bc of the stuff surrounding dylan & some of his lyrics. I feel like there's a quote somewhere where he alludes to having done stuff w men but I could absolutely be making that up in my mind lmao. feel like he also could have been sold on the idea that souls are genderless and so not necessarily Be a man in the more spiritual sense. like if he were a 20-30 smth year old today. or I mean even in his actual life I just don't know but I Could See It. 0 evidence for that beyond how many transfemmes I know adore george

john: CONTROVERSIAL ONE IM SORRYYYYY. but he's definitely the one that's For Sure Queer like we all know this. & a lot of people use the bi label bc he had relationships w women & this would be the easiest answer but I'm gonna be really and totally honest... to me a lot of his/yoko's/everyone else's quotes surrounding his attraction to men vs women make it sound Very comphet driven. like his quotes about yoko being the perfect woman bc she was so much like a man/himself in drag. "you think of rock hudson when we do it". him constantly comparing yoko & paul & never really discussing cynthia and in general just disregarding her existence entirely. (which is very shitty btw his treatment of cyn makes me rage, it just also reeks of marriage out of comphet and obligation while he was actually committing himself to paul, whether that was ever fulfilled or not). his general angst around being called gay. etc. to me he reads more as a gay man that never fully came around to identifying that way. but for the sake of not speculating on a dead man's sexuality I'll just say he was Definitely Queer. also given some of his quotes surrounding identity and gender and whatnot I do think he maaay have been gender queer as well but that one is definitely more speculative and vibe based. I could see a modern john or john if he lived being more genderfluid but We'll Never Know.

ringo: token straight I'm sorry buddy. I can enjoy a good fictional depiction of him being bi (shout out to that paul/ringo fic in hamburg that made me chew glass) but as for like. real life I haven't seen a single shred of anything pointing to him being anything but cishet. maybe! but if we're solely talking what I think is Actually going on... no.

[scaraandshitposts]

okay wait I was onto smth!! maybe!!!

Halloween/Fall Hcs with genshin men!🕸

written w fem reader in mind, established relationships, modern au, light sex joke, ft scara, ajax, lyney

scara

if you're going to want to be out and about on halloween, this is not the guy for you. 100% wants to stay in the whole time

will watch scary movies/play horror games with you, he will any day honestly but- he gets such an ego boost if you hide yourself in his shirt during gorey or freaky parts of movies. he gets so happy that he feels like he can protect you

he will not, under any circumstances, hand out candy to trick or treaters. he will slam the door in a 6 year olds face lmao he thinks it's stupid and will be honest about it. if you have a young sibling, he'll come with you to take them trick or treating (and complain a lot)

he doesn't care for anything sweet, probably opting for sour candies like sweettarts or those weird hard ball things. but maybe if he's feeling generous, he'll buy you some of your favorite treats. even if he hates the sticky sweet gummies and pixie stix you adore, you can bet everything he'll stand in line for hours the day before halloween.

he thinks dressing up is stupid, but you could talk him into a basic couples costume. maybe ghostface and casey (tbh ive never watched scream movies so im going off google) he would probably do that pumpkin head trend with you, he'll feel stupid the whole time but it's worth it to make you happy.

he'd want to carve pumpkins, and he will, but carving them gets difficult for him. it takes a lot of strength to do that, but he will do his best and attempt to help you. maybe it's best to skip this and just paint pumpkins...

you can take him to starbucks for a pumpkin spice latte all you want, but he'll insist on paying and get the worst tasting black coffee every time!! it's even worse because he genuinely likes bitter coffee

overall 10/10 fall boyfie, he doesn't like all the chaos and celebrations, but does enjoy quality time with you<3

ajax

he was literally made for this. he adores autumn and winter. considering he's from shneznaya, he could wear a t-shirt any time in fall and be fine, no matter where you live.

he'll take you to all his friends parties, if your up for it. and you have to have matching costumes, any couple you can think of is a valid costume option. he will be ken. he will wear the fucking roller skating costume. a little off topic but he saw the barbie movie and loved it.

spends halloween hitting up parties and showing off your costumes and takes teucer out to trick or treat at the end of the night. it's literally so cute to see him walking with teucer, eventually carrying him home when it gets too late.

he's so sweet to kids while giving out candy. i think he's the type to have candy bars and other allergy safe options, lollipops and goldfish maybe. the neighborhood kids love his house because of how rich he is, king sized chocolate bars for all. he's such a family man and adores kids so he's made for this.

he goes mad when decorating for halloween, pushing the line between too scary for kids and too cute. somehow it always works out. I feel like he'd be good at decorations because he takes side jobs at haunted houses. he'd be really good at playing a slasher i think.

you'll go to the haunted house he's working at with a group of friends, and he'll end up sneaking up on you from behind, pressing his fake knife to your throat and whispering "boo" it nearly gives you a heart attack but it's mad funny. he definitely gets in trouble for kissing one of the customers, but it's worth it.

if you prefer a calmer way to celebrate, he'll skip most of the parties and have a nice night with you after teucer gets tired out from a sugar rush. you'll snuggle up on the couch together watch whatever scary movies you'd like, he definitely puts up a bunch of candles for the fun atmosphere.

he'll buy you literally anything halloween or fall related. you want a cute new reath for autumn? only the best one on the market for you. want some overpriced seasonal drink? you're having a large and he'll get one too! it's honestly just an excuse to spoil you at this point

he's a 9/10 in this department. would be a 10 if he didn't make jokes about skeletons and boners...

lyney

the halloween boyfriend of the century. he has so much fun with holiday stuff and dressing up makes it even better

he's a performer, he's extra, so he has to win any costume contests! lynette is sick of this nonsense by now but it warms her heart to see you having so much fun helping lyney with his autumnal nonsense.

he's not necessarily one for big halloween celebrations, opting to spend his time hanging out with you and his siblings, possibly telling scary stories. lynette is rather unphased but poor freminet is always freaked out afterwards. there's definitely more than enough marshmallows for all the smores you intend to eat while this goes on.

he'll let you snuggle up next to him around the fire pit if you get a little freaked out. he gets to entertain and be with his lover, two of his favorite things. he'll even roast a few marshmallows for you! but it's expected that you return the gesture.

he'll definitely buy all kinds of dumb halloween decorations from the closest dollar store. don't be suprised when you find plastic spiders placed around the house. he loves to decorate outside of the house, it's slightly obnoxious but you're used to it at this point.

he'll happily take you out for whatever over the top seasonal drink you want, he does this for lynette every year as well. unsurprisingly, she typically becomes the third wheel to these drink based outings. but it's worth it to see lyney fawning over you like a puppy.

as previously mentioned, he dresses up and goes hard on halloween costumes. he'll be the one begging you to match for halloween. he seriously goes hard, the time and dedication of a seasoned cosplayer goes into his costumes.

he's the type to take you to fall festivals and engage in the classic fair games, throwing darts, bobbing for apples, even silly haunted houses. you might end up dragging him into a haunted house, lyney won't get too scared... or at least that's what he says, but he holds your hand the whole time.

a solid 9/10 fall boyfriend, definitely gets into all aspects of october and fall as a whole. he gets a little too carried away and might forget about your scary movie date... but it's okay because now you, him, and both of his siblings all have matching costumes!!

shit i sorta lost motivation with lyneys uhhh it's fineee i just wanted this out for halloween lol

[spotaus]

Hi guys. So. Idk if I ever actually posted about Lust from New Age beyond establishing his relationship w/ Cross. (Ancha I beg of you if this contradicts smth please tell me lmao-) SO I'm gonna try and infordump what I can about thoughts which have been building up in my brain, all finally exploding because of this doodle I did for that shitpost lol.

So! Lust, I've established, works at/runs a tailor shop in the city surrounding Nightmare's castle, right in the capital. It's a decent one, has a good flow of people and serves mostly monsters with a few human customers. It's staff consists of Lust (head stylist/tailor), Hapstablook (Swap!Mettaton, the main seamstress who stays in back), Simulacre (My own mettaton from Doppletale, who designs), and the fourth spot on their staff is constantly shifting since they can't seem to keep a front desk worker. Lust wasn't initially the owner of the building or shop, but after the owner passed away, it was left in his hands.

I like to believe that Lust's family came from Reaper's kingdom! Mainly because I think that the magic there from Life is so potent that it leaves a mark on families or people who live there and embrace her magic. Lust's great grandparents moved away to the kingdom under false pretenses of peace, and were rapidly trapped in the kingdom and made to start a new life. The marks under his eyes, the light blue that looks like eyeliner, is actually a magic marking. (Reaper and Geno have marks that resemble eyebags in blue/red, and if Dust stuck around long enough or bonded w/ Geno and Reaper he'd get purple ones :] ) So, he has just the tiniest connection to the magic of that land through his appearance.

He's lucky he was born slightly before the princes, because Nim totally would've stolen him away from his parents. He's pretty much exactly what Nim was searching for. And honestly, I think it'd be interesting if a few generations before (he's the first long-living monster in his family fir a few generations) one of his great aunts or uncles was taken away to be part of Nim's harem. Just thinking...

Anyways, yeah, Lust is pretty, and his bloodline derives from Reaper's land of plenty.

He's also a handful. The kinda guy who remembers everything about you, your drama, and your likes and dislikes and uses it for better or worse. Kinda guy to hear someone he doesn't like is allergic to nuts and sprinkle a bit of peanut oil on their food or smth. But in the same breath, if you tell him your favorite fruit is a razzberry in passing, you will end up with razzberry-coded outfits for the next month <3. This absolutely obliterates Cross while they're dating, because he's say something like his shoulder hurts from training and Lust will add extra support to his clothes so they take pressure off the spot, or Cross will mention that the X pattern of stitch on an embroidery is a bad reminder and Lust unstiches it and makes something prettier over the spot, etc. Lust enjoys doing that sort of thing (he's definitely not a people pleaser, this is only for those he cares for) and it's a nice treat for both ends. Cross isn't used to someone listening so closely to him.

Oh! Lust and Error get along, I think. It comes with the territory of fabrics. Error has a thing with textures, usually only wears things he makes, but he's prideful and hates asking for help sewing pieces of his wardrobe together. So. He uses a binding spell to keep like, the arms of his jacket connected to the torso instead. (He doesn't want to go to Sasha and the others in the castle, again a pride thing, and he doesn't want to ask Ccino because Ccino's nice to him and it's a dumb request.) But Lust? Lust hears that Error makes his own clothes while talking with Sasha about Nightmare's fabrics (post reveal of his and Cross' involvement, ofc) and Lust decides he wants to see for himself. He's respectful of their jump in status, but asks if he could see the fabric, because weaving one's own clothing from magic is very impressive! Error actually hasn't had anyone tell him that and then ask to see it... but this is Cross' mystery boyfriend and so it's probably fine. So he hands over one of his sweaters. And Lust is befuddled to find he can't find any proper seams for the sleeves or hem, and asks Error about it. After that Lust manages to coax Error into sewing lessons every once in a while (maybe they start a little club, because I think we mentioned Ccino might try to learn to knit too?) so that he doesn't have to waste his energy on his clothes anymore. Lust also provides him with pattern suggestions for different clothing styles, just in case he wants a challenge (he does.)

Lust makes fast friends with people, but Error is the one he's the most proud of.

Lust tries to steer clear of Nightmare usually. Not because he doesn't trust him (no, Lust believes he's very very safe with Nightmare) but because he feels strange with the king being a little boy. He doesn't like that he sees bags under Nightmare's eyes, or that he jumps at the slightest sounds, or that he's always ducking under Killer's arm, tucking into Cross' side, like a cautious animal.

He tries not to pry, but he always worried about Ccino when he could come in for new fabric for a new outfit, usually dark pine green or black, sometimes the tans he liked to wear. Between what he's seen and what Cross told him after the fact, Ccino has been raising their king solo for many years, and practically kept the kingdom afloat. But Nightmare was constantly vigilant, to the point of passing out at his desk and having 20 plans just in case, and stressing hinself out about the state of a small border village so badly that he'd start crying? Lust knows this is for the best, Nightmare will lead them into a bright future, but that poor kid is just a baby to Lust. A very capable baby, but just a baby. He doesn't like to linger too long or else he feels guilty.

And uhhh. Hm.... I think he likes it when Nightmare throws parties. A LOT. Not only is it great for business, but he also gets to dress up! He tries to look nice at work, but his most creative outfits happen at the balls open to the public, like the knighting ceremonies. (Lust saw Cross for the first time there, at the ceremony. It was a few weeks later that Ccino brought Cross to him and insisted he needed a full wardrobe change.) Lust just gets to socialize and have fun in a responsible setting! It's great!

Last thing. Lust adores the other Knights. Like, ofc Cross is his beloved teddy bear, but once he gets to know the others he fits right in. Horror (and Farm, they met at a ball initially) are adorable. Horror loves to cook, abd Lust isn't a picky eater so he'll try any recepie offered to him! Dust is very closed off at first, but when he saw how Dust acted around Killer (mouthing off, pulling his hood down) he looked tired, but very happy. His little smile was genuine and calm. Killer is a riot and lets Lust and Sasha use him for an equivalent of fashion shows! Killer always jokes to Cross that he's stealing his maiden, and the first time Cross almost bit Killer. (<- He finds it funny once Killer gets together with Ccino because now he knows it's 100% a joke. Both Ccino and Lust would maul Killer if he tried to start cheating 🙏)

[studentbyday]

week 3 / small commitments challenge “There is no race to win. Only a stroll.”

Yes, emerging adulthood is a privileged phenomenon. But with great privilege comes great responsibility and I sometimes feel the need to know exactly what I want in life from career to friendships to romantic relationships to family and how I will handle challenges in each of those domains that may have a chance at or will definitely come my way in order to be responsible. But that's an impossible ask at this stage of my life. I don't even think I can know all of what I want in life for decades to come. I keep changing. And it would not be wise now to run around in circles, chasing my tail, coming to no conclusions, or to rush the decision making process and come to conclusions that aren't well thought out. Sometimes I feel like I should make these decisions faster whenever I see others in my life around my age making them or having made them already or just generally progressing faster in life than I am. And other times, for seemingly no reason at all, I pick up the issues again from the backburner in case this time I stop chasing my tail...but that hasn't happened yet.

We all have different experiences that lead us to our varied and valid conclusions. Perhaps my peers have just experienced enough to come to theirs. Which means I just have to keep exploring different options until I feel informed enough to make those decisions for myself. And when I've made those decisions, I'll have to commit to them fully (well, 99.9%) so that I can be free in mind to become as good as I can at whatever I decide to do. This doesn't mean I'll stop re-assessing my circumstances periodically as that's how one spots better opportunities and improves themselves, but equally important is only changing direction when there are objectively good reasons to, not just because strong feelings of FOMO or self-doubt pull me so (those feelings can and have been useful in telling me when smth is genuinely wrong about my current situation but they can also be to my detriment when they arise primarily because of the voice in my head whose sole purpose is to be a pessimistic nay-sayer/bully).

hours spent stu(dying) 😭 tomato garden (50/10): M: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 Tu: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 W: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅+(1/2 🍅) Th: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 F: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 (so tired, i had to take a nap 😪) S: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 Su: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅

In other news, the ochem midterm was this week. I studied as hard as I could for it all week, but that meant I didn't start on the new module (not covered on the midterm) for this week, hence the absence of a true weekend 😭 3 more weeks to go (including 1 week JUST to review for final woohoo!! [no that isn't sarcasm, i genuinely need that time lol]) and then we're NOT doing any more ochem at uni (self-study, maybe, but istg never again in a squished timeframe like this 😭). (Also wowwww can you tell i'm tired by the number of times i repeat the same words and emojis in a short paragraph... Adrenaline [or is it the sun? 😒] had me waking up before my alarm all week, averaging 7 hours of sleep a night 😭)

[little-cereal-draws]

ok i see everyone's "ballister and ambrosius as nimona's parents" stuff but i'm going to raise you this

Ballister and Dr. Blitzmeyer as nimona's parents

I know there's the Gay Dad au sanctifying ambrosis as nimona's dad but he seems to get frustrated with Nimona more frequently than Ballister and I kinda got the sense that adopting her was mostly Bal's choice. Don't get me wrong, ambrosius has moments where he enjoys himself and he loves her, but I don't think he's thrilled abt the idea of her being here forever. He gives "good at babysitting but needs to give the child back at a certain point" vibes and obviously he can't do that when it's his kid

However in the Everything Is Fine au (the one where they all live in the cabin in the woods) Blitzmeyer is Nimona's guardian and they move from the city to the woods together, eventually moving in w Bal and Ambrosius.

Besides this au I don't think Blitzmeyer and Nimona ever interact, but I thought it was very interesting how the one time they do, she's also Nimona's guardian (I believe that's the word ND Stevenson uses, not "parent.") Already in this one picture, they look happier than Ambrosius did lol

I'm sure movie ambrosius would be much more willing to try and get to know nimona but what if the sticking point is with her this time? She can't get over what he did to both her and Bal, he reminds her too much of Gloreth, she's still wary of anyone that was that ingrained in the institute, and a million other things. She knows he's really trying and feels bad about everything but bc of all she's been through, she's not quick to trust people who betrayed her. Especially if she's only had bad interactions with them until this point. She avoids/shuts down his attempts to connect with her and is generally closed off and angry when he's there. It's like a kid hating their new stepparent lol Both Bal and Ambrosius know it's nothing personal, just the defense mechanism that's kept her safe from people like ambrosius for so long, but it still hurts. Eventually, he gives up trying to reach out to her and figures maybe she'll come to him or maybe they just won't be as close as he hoped.

Now, Bal's weird science friend is someone more Nimona's speed lol Blitzmeyer has somehow remained almost completely immune to institute propaganda, doesn't really care abt breaking things (the law included) if it can further her work in some way, and is just kooky enough to appeal to Nimona. She lets nimona help in the lab and doesn't mind the million questions she asks because that's just another opportunity to talk abt her work. They go on some adventures getting stuff for Blitzmeyer's experiments and really bond. Eventually they become pretty close and Nimona frequently goes out of her way to see Blitzmeyer.

One night late in the lab, Bal mentions that Nimona really likes her and Dr Blitzmeyer is like "really? no, not that much." And Bal's like "no, really that much. About as much as she likes me actually." And then with creeping awareness they both slowly look at each other with the realization that they're co-parenting now and actually have been for a while. After the initial freak out, they keep going almost like normal but throw in an outing every other month or so. They'll take Nimona for ice cream or some other casual thing and she's none the wiser that they've figured her out. One night as they were coming home from a movie or smth Nimona says, "I'm so glad we did this, I love spending time with my two favorite people." Nimona keeps walking but they have to stop to silently freak out to each other a bit lol

The only problem is that they frequently get mistaken for a nuclear family on these outings. And it doesn't help that Bal and Blitzmeyer often refer to each other as "my partner." (They open a lab together at the end of the comic and I think they would as well after the movie, so they are literally business partners and lab partners. But I like to hc them in a queer platonic relationship as well, so the word "partner" has a double meaning here. Ambrosius is Bal's romantic partner and Blitzmeyer is his platonic partner. They all talked abt it, it's all good.) Every time this happens though, Bal has to explain that they're just friends and he actually has a husband back at home. Some people go "ok, 'just friends,' sure. wink wink nudge nudge ;)" or "ok... does your husband know...? That you... and her...? ok, ok." It makes Bal angry when this happens but neither him or Blitzmeyer cares enough to actually do anything about it. Nimona just laughs at the stranger's confusion at their unconventional family.

Anyway, they're just two friends who somehow found themselves raising a 1000 year old shapeshifter together lol Ambrosius is disappointed Nimona didn't like him as much as he hoped but now he can just stay home and vibe lol

[ssho197]

my favourite things about xiao

i bought 2 sets of seth’s random xiao photo cards i’m excited

contents: slight slight nsfw? actually it’s not that slight but it’s not like FULL ON GRAHHHHH,, different au xiaos (modern au, idol au, high school au and also an au where he plays guitar)

i like to think about guitar player xiao, idk abt anyone else but people playing electric guitar is just so god damn attractive ESPCIALLY BASS GUITAR GOD FUCKJNG DAMMN i rlly like the way the bass sounds but i like to imagine guitar player xiao bc i wonder what those fingers could do..

i really like xiaos tattoos, this is kinda weird but if someone had xiao’s tattoo that would make them so much more attractive to me idk but i think that’s just me (i drew xiaos tattoo on one of my friends’ arm, image under the cut)

adding onto xiao’s tattoos i really like the one on his waist or lower stomach!! i feel like i’m being edged everytime i see fanart of it but they don’t show the tattoo any lower than his waist and i’m just frothing at the mouth but yea i really wanna see how low the tat goes GIGGLES SO HARD HDBDXJXJXJXJ

i like xiaos waist in general bc i really want to hold his waist if he were to hug me (or if he were to do smth else) i just like to see men small waist

i really like idol xiao but i just like to think about having the attention from the media of like, “oh my god!! who is this mysterious partner seen with the famous idol xiao??” i would like to see some angst between modern au idol xiao and his partner (aka me or aka us or aka y/n or reader)

i like to think about xiaos clothes and his shirt in game, i’ve seen so much about whether it’s a sheer shirt or if the “tattoo” on his lower waist is actually just a design on his shirt or not. i’m not sure which one i like more tbh

sometimes i think about delinquent xiao. skateboarding after school at the local abandoned skatepark, one of which we just happen to stumble across and use it as a hideout, where we meet xiao and blah blah blah whatever happens after that (idk why i associated skateboarding w delinquent xiao maybe this should be skater xiao instead)

i wanna do one more slight nsfw para but idk what to write it abt…………. i don’t want to do all the basic stuff like weiner size or fav position so imma brainstorm OK BACK right so he wouldn’t be very educated on IT right? so you’d have to be top for the first couple times before he understands it,, yes yes ik i’d rather have dom xiao too smh…..

i like xiaos quiet personality. i think i have a thing for quiet guys sometimes. i just like how they neither frown nor smile but when they smile, it’s when they’re with someone they truely care about. and i see xiao being like this. of course it’s not a huge teeth-bearing-ear-to-ear smile but more like a small chuckle or small smile that you catch out of the corner of your eye, this just makes your smile even brighter and you feel much more cheerful knowing that you’re the reason he smiled. (i really wish i had a relationship like this you don’t understand.)

[surreal-duck]

i’m so invested in the lore of this manga that you have made up completely….i would read it if it was real…

thank you... so am i... rocafe you do not exist but just know i love you very much. haruno has become so dear to me specifically its a shame i couldnt fit her in more. i doodled out the general relationships bc its just kinda silly to me!!

between naoto and haruno at first he just put on his usual classy persona to kinda gauge her abilities/what she can do for the cafe and for personal reasons the extent of her relationship w asahi. but in her mind its just wow... hes rly cool.... i cant mess up in front of him o99

asahi is generally unaware of all of this. he has some sort of can-do-anything image but learns to be easier on himself and act a lot more childish w haruno the way he really is. harunos very gung ho about everything she does so even if she learns to adapt quickly ends up tripping over herself a lot and can always rely on him!! at the core of it its just a funny lil cafe romcom.

theres also a secret 4th character harunos overprotective gyaru childhood friend i did not name but think of sometimes. becomes a regular after moving into the area and is constantly glaring daggers at asahi. he cant catch a break. this eventually catches the attention of naoto and while hes asking what her deal is she simply cannot forgive anyone who takes away haruno from her and naoto is oh okay. just like me fr. truce made 🤝

though another extra tidbit was that the actress for haruno was rather meek and polite as opposed to the actual character's outgoing and maybe kind of abrasive personality so i thought tomoya may end up being reminded of hajime... and also yuzuru teaching him the ins and outs of hospitality throughout the filming process specifically is smth i think about a lot.......

[inchidentally]

Something that i really noticed with that last video mclaren posted, the way oscar talks when he’s around lando vs how he talks when he’s alone. Like that aussie vs british words video which was probably filmed not that long ago from now, oscar is completely showing his sass and not holding back at all with his thoughts, doesn’t even care what the interviewer finds weird (obviously still in a respectful way, bc he was raised right) But when he’s with lando it’s like he reigns himself back because he wants to relish in lando’s sass instead, he wants to hear his thoughts and he’s genuinely interested in him and what he’s saying. Everyone keeps saying we miss prema Oscar, but prema oscar never left, based on that video he’s obviously still like that. it’s not even that he wasn’t comfortable enough as a rookie or not well settled in yet to show his character in his first year or that he was only following lando’s lead(which he was to some extent) but it’s been an entire season and he STILL waits for lando to speak first and waits for him to finish his sentences with exceptionally long pauses. He just loves hearing him. And even with lando’s tendency to ramble sometimes and oscar wioild still listen to a meaningless ramble from him bc he adores him. Sigh

They’re made for each other(I’m delusional)

OKAY BUT I hear you so much anon and I just want to lead into smth that has been cooking around for me about this since I fully agree w you, the Oscar we see with Lando is curiously different and quieter than Oscar with anyone else.

and I think this comment on the latest video hit the nail on the head?? in a way the person prob didn't think was that deep ??

bc of speaking the same language to the point of semi-mind reading but now ugh you've got to bring Other People along on your conversations and translate everything..........

so like y'know how Lando and Max F always look a little like they're going to burst out laughing when they have to put on their on-camera personalities in a Quadrant video? when you're around a close friend where you both normally speak in like half sentences bc you don't need to fill in the rest, it gets weird when you have to translate all of that out loud for the benefit of other people watching?

seeing Lando and Oscar's relationship develop over the season and now into the new one with this interview, I'm actually starting to think that's way more the case w them as well. we all joke about the twinning and unconscious mirroring but it makes all kinds of sense that considering how similar Oscar and Max F are in many ways that Lando would have a similar dynamic with Oscar - where it's not always easy to include the general public and have to bring all of us along.

the like, overlapping sentences and watching each other's expressions thing is so similar in both those relationships as well. same as when Lando is in A Mood where he's either hyper or giddy or low-blood sugar argumentative and Oscar and Max are basically following around after him like adults making sure a worn out toddler doesn't smash their head into sharp edges lahflashf.

and with the other F1 Lando friends like Carlos, George, Daniel Alex, Yuku, Max V etc, Lando is fully a gossipy chatterbox and pretty high energy - even when they're filmed casually or candidly. those friendships revolve around F1 and shared activities like padel, golf, gossip or going out/partying. it isn't that guys like Max F or Oscar couldn't easily slot in with those groups, I just think it's more that they're a different type of friendship with Lando. the streams don't usually cross in Lando's life, or very very occasionally. and I feel like he's even said he likes keeping the different parts of his life a bit separate?

so initially it kind of threw a lot of us when he seemed so relatively quiet and less of his usual 'on camera personality' around Oscar rather than seeing his usual teammate Lando Effect of jumping into a bromance, leaning into humor and figuring out a shared activity. and that usually includes lots of social media content together for fans.

but Lando and Oscar never post about when they hang out - even when 'contractually obliged' - and we only find out incidentally or bc someone else mentions it or posts pics. and from what we do find out incidentally, it makes you wonder about what else we're missing. it's just the usual things that a lot of drivers do together but Lando and Oscar prefer not to broadcast it for some reason.

and when you think about it both Oscar and Lando keep a certain percentage of their lives strategically offline already (Oscar way more obv) and it's like they automatically inserted each other into that part of each other's social life rather than a fan-facing one?

like obviously I'm just going off what we can see but they've been pretty damn consistent about it. Lily is obv a major part of Oscar's life and he has this whole set of close friends from boarding school who've gone to races as well as a set of old friends back in Australia - but apart from the occasional post of Lily, we only know any of that part of his life from Oscar mentioning it in passing or incidentally from a post by someone else or a fan sighting. Lando has a whole existence with close friends in Monaco that fans have tried and failed to squirrel out that Lando himself only mentions in passing and never posts about. he posts Martin but goes very shy and doesn't want to talk about him or their friendship in interviews.

and then Lando and Oscar have all these little in-joke moments and watching each other super closely and almost actively concealing the time they spend together that isn't requisite… and then little touching moments like Lando posting Oscar giving him a small smile on lando.jpg as the first slide so that the black heart caption sits underneath. and Oscar staying up all night after Vegas liking comments about Lando's crash and leaving that little papaya heart under the post of McLaren announcing that Lando was discharged safe and sound from hospital. at like 5am and apparently either when Lando was with him or after he'd left him.

idk it's just such a weird case of kismet that Oscar became a serious Lando fan when they were 14 and 16 respectively, their karting journeys both went through Ricky Flynn, Oscar and Max F knew each other in the Renault Academy, their paths crossed in an interview where Lando (who doesn't really talk much about the junior categories) said "not yet" when asked if they'd raced each other. and then Oscar arrives against a LOT of odds as Lando's new teammate and he's got zilch in common with Carlos or Daniel for Lando to fall back on and it's the worst start to the season of Lando's entire career… yet it ends up being the most immediately strong partnership Lando's ever had ?? there's no mixed dynamic to overcome or huge disparity in anything, not even an age difference and they share a double podium not once but twice while Oscar is still a rookie ??

and like, Oscar's in so many ways set up to fit in perfectly with the more low-key friendships Lando has in his non F1 life. bc from what it seems, Lando likes hanging out at home playing games and eating takeout and just chilling quietly as much as he does the glamour of F1 and touring the world and being a businessman. and I feel like he's even said somewhere how he needs to have that balance in his life rather than just being an F1 guy or just being the guy who stays at luxury resorts with famous friends.

so this separate little world that even casual fans seem to pick up on feels like it's because they genuinely fit together so well as people but also happen to make extraordinarily great teammates and I get why Lando keeps bringing up what will happen when they're battling for a WDC with that worried little shadow over his face bc it's one thing to have a bromance buddy teammate where you can shove each other around and laugh and hug off the tension… totally another when it's someone you feel is so similar to you and feel so strange when you're both having to pretend to talk 'normally' on camera and even weirder imagining you both on separate sides of a competition rather than joined together for it ???

like, they wouldn't necessarily have known each other if they weren't teammates and as teammates they're both talking about WDCs in cautious but confident tones and saying how they have 'years together' but also the tension of being each other's biggest competition and measure of success without any of the usual bro-ey fun of being Good Mates or Cabrones bc Lando and Oscar aren't bros and they're not dudes and they don't shove each other around or make loud jokes so how do you diffuse tension when you can psychically sort of connect and the bleed of what you want for each other and yourselves doesn't have that easy delineated relationship boundary bc Lando and Max have had to delicately and carefully navigate something similar and they couldn't just crack a joke or slap each other on the back in a hug and sort it all out bc that's now how they are together they actually talk and they make considered kind and gentle effort and it's too embarrassing to tell people about that unless you feel absolutely safe and chat is unusually chill and idk idk idk the similarities with Lando and Oscar and the complexities man !!!!!

idk as per usual this JUST my brain chewing all of this over and is NOT me thinking I actually know what's going on but it sure helps to offload it here where I know some of us will prob be like 'oh yea I get what that btch is saying' <3<3

[t-w-i-l-l-e-r]

pondering jeremy n rich friendship dynamic post-canon n y’all that shit is craaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzy. Cause I highly highly highly doubt rich just completely dropped all of his self destructive tendencies from during/before canon n I think they would defo show up BIG TIME in his relationship w/ Jeremy. Like, they have the whole squip thing in common right? That’s what they bond over at first!!! same trauma, Spider-Man pointing meme, etc etc. (that plus they were literally shoved into the same hospital room for however long. nothing brings two lost souls together like watching the nurses swap out each others bedpans. shudders in disgust <3). But the thing is like. Rich did that. He not only literally encouraged (n lowkey threatened) Jeremy to buy/take the squip, he also had a direct hand in building the insecurities that made Jeremy interested in a squip at all. Now, as an audience we can generally recognize Rich as a Very Vulnerable And Manipulated Child but if rich had that kind of self-awareness the plot of be more chill would be veeeeeery different so im gonna go out on a limb n say Rich feels megazord guilty for that. And that’s where the self destruction comes in </3. Rich keeps trying to goad Jeremy into snapping at him or being angry in the hopes of getting Jeremy to “finally stand up for himself” but rly he just wants Jeremy to be mad at him bc Rich is mad at himself n feels like he deserves it. I am a VERY firm supporter of Jeremy Heere Snarky Arc post-canon (bc I feel like we see a lot of Jerry Sass in bmc but it’s limited to either just in his head or (affectionately) to Michael), n I think Rich would absolutely play a role in Jeremy developing that side of himself. BUT. Not necessarily in the way rich wants. Bc again, same trauma!!!! Jeremy recognizes that rich understands him now in a way that nobody else rly does. even the ppl squipped @ the play don’t rly understand what that thing does 2 a person after a while, and jeremy rly needs rich after everything, more than either of them realize. He’s not willing to just reject rich out of hand like rich subconsciously wants him to so you get this dynamic that’s just like:

Rich: aw, you mad? You upset lil bitch boy? Whatcha gonna do about it huh???? Hit me???? Do it i dare you!! Fucking hit me!!!!!

Jeremy: rich it is 9 in the morning. 

And I think rich would very quickly learn that ~friendly ribbing~ n stuff is a slippery slope with Jeremy. On one hand, if he teases Jerry n he rolls his eyes n snarks right back, HELL YEAH!!!! Revenge Of The Nerd!!!! Mission accomplished!!!!!!! Rich sees a lot of himself in Jeremy n I think he would be very genuinely proud of him for not just taking shit like he used to (and rich might also think jeremy is actually clever n funny n like that jeremy feels comfortable around him n bond bond relationship sssssshhhhhhhhhh). On the other hand, sometimes rich hits a little too close to home n Jeremy goes quiet. He gives a curt response, or just doesn’t say anything at all. That shit drives rich crazy. Rich says smth shitty about Michael or Christine or smth n Jeremy doesn’t talk to him for a week n by the end Rich is pulling his hair out n just word-vomits “IM SORRY IM A DICK PLZ CAN WE GO BACK TO PLAYING CALL OF DUTY TOGETHER” 

And the thing that fucks me up the most is that. Jeremy is afraid of Rich. Not as much as he was before (I’d imagine watching Rich bitch n moan every time he had to get his bandages changed kinda sanded down the edges a lil bit) but he can’t just forget all that bullying, even if he wants to. For rich, the worst moments r when he goes too far with trying to get Jeremy to b aggressive n instead he just goes pale. His mouth draws into a thin line n he gets fidgety but not the loose stimming of when he’s relaxed or deep in thought, sharp and tight motions like he doesn’t want to be spotted. And he won’t meet Rich’s eye. GIRL!!!!! How does rich even begin to process that emotional LABYRINTH bc like, he feels shitty bc he spent so long trying to fix his self hatred by being a dick 2 Jeremy but now he realizes being a dick is actually… dickish. And unpleasant. And so now he has more self hatred about it. Oops. And then Jeremy’s having a shit time bc PANIC MODE SCARY LOUD but then I think he subconsciously realizes rich feels bad so he feels bad for making Rich feel bad and ugh. Ugh. Yikes. 

But then the thing is,,, Rich can make a joke. Maybe reference their shared SQUIPerience—SQUIP experience, obvi—emphasize the connection between them (rich has gotten rly good at managing potentially dicey social situations. You’ll never guess where he got that skill from). And Jeremy will laugh, a little forced at first but rich keeps going until he’s curled up on the ground, cracking up like he’s about to piss himself. And Rich feels a little bit like he dodged a bullet but a little bit like he gained a friend so? If u add it all together it basically cancels out, he thinks. So they keep talking and hanging out and playing fuckin Call of Duty together and it’s not an apology, not really but… it’s a start, y’know? 

N that’s what gets me about Rich n Jeremy post-canon </3. They both need each other, and they both know it. They understand each other in a way that nobody else in their immediate circle does which is important bc we know how much Jeremy struggles talking 2 new ppl and post-fire Rich is too busy putting the burnt up pieces of his life together to reach out to other SQUIPtims. Jeremy is comfortable around rich in a way that he is with nobody else in the world because he gets it, and Rich feels the same way whether he likes it or not. But Jeremy is also so deathly terrified that it’s all gonna be an elaborate bit, that Rich is unfixable and will always treat him like human garbage or worse Jeremy is unfixable and will always b treated like human garbage. And Rich in turn is afraid of Jeremy’s fear, what it means about himself that he could ruin someone’s life so thoroughly. But then he like? Wants to get Wendy’s with him. So it’s like. Whatever. 

FUCK! 

[leclerced]

So I love a bit of gossip right? But I unfollowed the one f1 gossip page I actually followed because it was irritating and the gossip was so mid. And now I’m scrolling through ig and it recommends things so when I saw a post from some f1 gossip page I was like ‘okay well let’s read it’ HOWEVER what I wasn’t expecting…was gossip about freaking Ollie cheating on his girlfriend. And I laughed at it because what do you mean THE baby face of f1 is cheating when he was practically groomed into his current relationship? Like babes he probably cries whenever his girl tells him he did sth well lmao

Also Spotify just put ‘Smack that’ on my playlist when I was reading it and I thought I’d loose it

(It is dark humour like I said so like don’t take the grooming part super serious)

i don’t follow any gossip but im betting u half the drivers cheat on their partners. like idk they’re away from their family, traveling without them for majority of the year. rumors about ollie don’t surprise me at all. i’m probably generalizing too much but in my experience guys his age cheat a lot and he has the perfect opportunity to do so without getting caught, so eh. not surprised at all.

also. relating to dark humor and cheating. i saw a post (i think i rbed it) that said smth like kelly hangs around max when they go out bc he will go home with anyone regardless of gender when he gets drunk. i think someone he streams with said it, or something like that. i think it’s super funny to think ab him going out with his partner and disappearing to go home w someone else. genuinely hilarious.

[menlove]

i saw on some of your posts that you say you aren’t an india truther, out of curiosity what do you think caused john and paul to have a fallout? do you think the resentment was more gradual and happened over 68-69? im sorry if you’ve answered this before but i love hearing about people’s theories of what happened in india and the aftermath.

sorry I totally forgot to answer this but for me.... hm. tossing under a readmore bc it got long oops

I think it was more gradual. like the way they act w each other in the get back sessions & just in general speaks more to something more unspoken happening than some big dramatic break up or rejection, at least to me. esp given how john & yoko lived with paul for a while in the summer of 68 (and talk about the world's worst throuple)

I wouldn't say I don't think Anything happened in india, but imo it seems more like.... I saw someone talking about how up until that point they were all on a lot of drugs & india was them getting off them for a minute & they sort of looked around and went "what the fuck are we doing? do I even know these people?" and that rings the most true to me I think.

some of the bigger reasons I have my doubts abt india being some huge thing where they fucked for the first time and paul rejected john are a) they still got along after that. things were weird but not much weirder than they'd been after brian's death b) paul wrote "i will" in india and I've talked before about how I'm 100% convinced that's about john and to me "will I wait a lonely lifetime, if you want me to I will" doesn't sound like the words of someone about to do any rejecting c) the infamous blowing the mic scene in get back is way too lighthearted and makes paul blush and giggle like they're just referencing fucking as a part of their relationship that happened enough to not be disarming. doesn't seem like john is being bitter or trying to egg him on and paul isn't reacting like someone that got called out for fucking john and then rejecting him. it reads more, to me, like just two lovers slyly joking around about a time they fucked that no one else can know about

which brings me to d) I'm also a "they had a sexual relationship" truther (which would be a whole other essay tbh) and so For Me Personally that just doesn't jive w smth big and dramatic happening in india. I just don't think they ever talked about what the fuck was going on between them, whatever it was, and then the typical band breakdown reasons coincided w a breakdown of their personal relationship as well. like just sort of dying out without much fanfare which can honestly be worse than some big rejection or breakup. and then ofc john goes full in with yoko and paul flounders around trying to settle down with a woman and marry her in such a weirdly frantic way. like that quote where he asks if he was supposed to be a 26 year old queer that never got married....... I would wager, imo, that things breaking down w john & then jane would've lead him to a bit of a Crisis about all that. but he found linda and went all in w her and she wound up pregnant so there you go.

which would lead them to a really weird place by the get back sessions, which I at least feel like is reflected pretty well- this awkward tension, paul's nervous desperation, nostalgia for the old times, lingering sexual tension. but not the attitude like they hated each other yet or had some big breakup or rejection. they're still joking and flirting, it's just awkward. the Big Moment would've been something else after that imo, probably john announcing he wanted a divorce but could've also been something more private that would go a long way to explaining why they were basically not on speaking terms at all by the abbey road sessions

again this is all Purely Speculation. mostly based on my more conflicting view from the fandom at large that they did have a sexual relationship and paul isn't as repressed/clueless as he puts on. so w those Two Beliefs in mind, this is sort of the trajectory that would make the most sense to me!

of course, without those two Core McLennon beliefs of mine I can see why people would point to india as the game changer if they think paul is a repressed bisexual who thinks he's straight while john pined over him. like it would make sense in that scenario if that's where the tension snapped & it was just a mess after that. but I very firmly and adamantly don't believe that so it's just hard for me to see the india theory as anything solid when there's a lot of other explanations for why india was such a shitshow

but all that is just me personally! don't have shit to back it up beyond what I can bring up about the evidence of a sexual relationship and paul being closeted that then lead me to these speculations based on that but yeah lmao

(and fun fact lmao whenever we publish it this is gonna be like half of the story of "i need you" so yall will get to see my fully baked opinion there mixed w just what I think would be fun or angsty dbshsjss)

[astriiformes]

from your recent post (figured i’d send an ask so that you skip/delete if you didn’t want to read)…

if you like hugs, i’m sending you, like, a ton of them virtually<33. if not, i’m doing the virtual equivalent of sending you smth else that you like, like a nice beverage or a fistbump. i’m sorry that things are so hard right now. it isn’t your fault, it seems like you’re genuinely trying really hard. it isn’t disingenuous to hype yourself up in your apps — everyone does that in applications, because that’s just how they are since they’re so short and basically the idea of ‘selling’ yourself in them therefore has to be super condensed too. you are trying, even if you aren’t were you’d hoped to be, and that shows that you do want to do to grad school. i hope that you have a lot of success/happiness w/ that!<33

but also, i just… i believe in you, because i get you. not exactly of course, but i know how hopeless and terrible it feels to have mental illness derail your life like that. but it isn’t your fault, and even if no one else sees it, i’m so proud of you for trying so goddamn hard even when your own head makes everything so much more difficult. it’s okay to not have worked through all of the shame you have around your adhd, since society plays such a huge value on achieving and appearing neurotypical and things like that, but also, (in a comforting/not patronising way), don’t beat yourself up — you’re just someone in a difficult situation now, and it sounds like you’re already dealing with so much. you deserve help and rest, and to be loved by those around you. you’re trying so hard, and even if that goes unacknowledged, even if that isn’t enough for society’s bullshit standards, as someone who relates to a lot of this i am genuinely so proud of you for doing your best. i believe in you, and i hope that you can be gentle with yourself, because you deserve that<3

This is such a lengthy and thoughtful response to my post yesterday, so first of all, thank you for taking the time to write all this out.

I think that some of the struggle for me comes from the particular ways my mental illness and physical disabilities get in the way of things -- I've been missing class due to being too exhausted to get up in the mornings, have forgotten about important assignments (or had my time blindness creep up on me with others), and in general have a very scatterbrained and forgetful relationship with academics, which makes it hard to feel like I am trying by best. That's where a lot of the shame comes from, and is one of the things I haven't figured out how to combat yet.

Needless to say, it is nice and does help a little to hear someone express the opposite, so I appreciate this a lot. I get fairly hung up on conventional expectations, and haven't entirely broken out of the mindset that I need to be high-achieving to be worth anything. I don't entirely know how to change that, but reassurances like this are still very welcome.