#this is just personal natterings

[ohohthemisery]

can i just say how much i love that isha is nonverbal

nobody comments on it, nobody makes fun of her. thats just how she is, shes just a person who happens to be nonverbal. i love it so much

[sapphorror]

Y'know... A lot of ZaDr fics have them either gradually drifting into a less contentious status quo or establishing a deeply bizarre multilayered dynamic that is nonetheless very consistent and beholden to its own rules—which works, to be clear, because slavish adherence to the rhythm of their endless 'game' is already their canon baseline.

WITH THAT BEING SAID. I think it would be very funny to depict a ZaDr dynamic in which they're like, on-again off-again nemeses. As they get older theyre gradually forced to acknowledge the true depth of their mutual attachment, but instead of actually improving themselves in any lasting way or compromising the conflicting elements into an ill-definable state of contentious codependence, they just start oscillating wildly between periods of obscenely clingy allyship and devotedly murderous enmity. There's never an in between. They'll dedicate all their energy to trying to horrifically torture each other to death, until one of them gets uncomfortably close to actually dying or an external crisis pushes them together or they just get bored—at which point, they become obnoxiously glued at the hip until one of them relapses into anxiety about their ambitions or an argument escalates past the the point of no return or they just get bored. And every time they both Really Mean It, They're Not Gonna Do This Anymore, before naturally going ahead and doing it again

[gorgeousgalatea]

How often must Dazai think about how he wasn’t enough to save Oda

Not arriving too late to the scene, not realizing he got played by Mori, but the moment he had to stop Oda, and couldn’t

Oda had lost everything, they both knew how it was going to end, and when Dazai reached out a hand to stop him, to be the last thing Oda could live for, to be there for him, Oda walked away

That has to haunt him. In Oda’s final moments he revealed he understood Dazai better than anyone--his self-destructiveness, his amorality, his aimlessness--enough to give him a way to truly live his own life. But for one moment, the boy obsessed with death had wanted to be enough for someone else to live for, and he wasn’t. He couldn’t be. Not as he was.

Oda wouldn’t live for Dazai, so Dazai’s just going to have to live for him instead.

[oh-okay-kay]

i feel like im starting to experience emotions more, might be due to a couple months ago stopping taking my anxiety/depression/ocd meds because i couldnt get more refills? but whatever reason why, its wild

ive always been 'low empathy', and never ever could feel actual excitement or sadness when i was supposed to. i remember opening the letter to find out i was accepted to an art school when i was 10, my mom was filming, all i could say was 'yay' and try to act like i felt anything about it. i knew i was happy, but nothing in me could show it or even really *feel* it. i never cried when sad things happen, only out of frustration or if something was particularly triggered. its honestly awful sometimes to live like this and just.. be incapable of attachment or emotions, or attempting to comfort someone having it be forced and practised because it feels so foreign

but now im starting to cry more, which is a start i suppose. particularly at words, its like i can finally feel the *meaning* and emotions of a speech or song, rather than there being the feeling of a squeeze in my chest or usually nothing at all. i cant tell if i like it or not lol! its so weird, youre telling me folks are supposed to be feeling this way? nuts

[plushri]

animanga blog: @springandchocolat / @hazzabeast is my cat

standard dni, no bigots

[byrdstrolls]

I was at the art museum today for an assignment and was in this wing where they had like realism up to Impressionism and there was this 40-50 year old man who was like wow, I don’t know anything about art but all these paintings look similar (when we got to the Impressionism side of the wing) and he was just like walking up to every painting and saying like “wow” “oh my g-d” with such genuine emotion in his voice and I wish I was him so bad

I wanted so badly to be this middle aged man discovering Impressionism for seemingly the first time with such an agile and tangible wonder in his voice

[killerforthepies]

sorry folks. on my insane arc again

[temikoangie]

if i see someone call tenko a radfem or a terf one more time im gonna drink gasoline and spit it out at them like a llama

[dandelion-wings]

if it has "orders" that vague, would showing obvious enough dismay that Jean doesn't accept his agreement to them be "refusing"? In a situation where he is aware that having those tells caused him to get out of the order

I envision that as part of the ramping-up: the magic, as it grows out of control, starts actively reacting to anything Kaeya does to evade Jean's orders. Enforcing less and less explicit orders over time comes hand-in-hand with shutting down each new way Kaeya finds to work around them.

In fact, the cause-and-effect might even be the other way around! I'm tempted towards the notion that aside from the issue of a Vision's power being way more than the spell needs (and the Pyro-on-Cryo complications), the fact that a Vision responds to the intentions of their bearer is also playing into this. At the time Diluc does this magic he is still reeling from the revelation that Kaeya was deceiving him for all those years, and afraid on some level that he's going to somehow be able to wriggle out of this safeguard by fooling Jean as well. He does not want Kaeya to find any loopholes! And if I go with that, then the spell, turned by the Vision into an active rather than passive restraint, closes said loopholes as soon as Kaeya finds them--each strategy, including that one, has only a limited window before the magic starts triggering on it. And if that's what's happening, then forcing indirect or non-orders is just part of that overgrowth, because 'she didn't make it a direct order' is just another loophole, as far as that nasty mess of Abyssal magic and Vision power and Diluc's mistrust is concerned.

Even if that's not the specific mechanism I go with for why, I do know the magic is shutting down even that kind of passive resistance. The incident that makes Kaeya decide he has to tamper with it involves him being completely unable to give Jean mission-relevant information because it would have changed her strategy and the magic takes that as 'arguing' even though she would want to know. People get hurt because of it (including him)! No one gets killed this time, but... it's worth the risk to him not to put Jean in the position of being unwittingly responsible for someone's death. Because Diluc's coming home someday, and there's "so uh we might have anchored this on you without your knowledge or consent," and then there's "so uh someone died because we anchored this on you without your knowledge or consent," and there's both a moral event horizon here and, on the personal level, only so much forgiveness they can beg.

[dimehun]

Thinking about how firestorm 04s central theme was about jason growing and finding his place in the world as both himself and the new firestorm. also the journey of all his relationships made me feel so insane.. <- i cant word it right but the whole jump from being a kid to a adult becoming your own person figuring out whats next learning who you want to be , who you want to keep around , who you want to try for and who you need to cut out..

and then it all gets thrown away for !! WHAT 😭 the new 52 r u ready to die my hand

[alexandriteobscuraarchive]

((The fact that Ep0 ends with Danny carrying Ray deeper into the building and the fact that Ao/D ends with Zack carrying her out of the building, bye. Poetic cinema.))

[othercrossee]

Could u imagine irida, altho trained for so long to be the next leader, never believed in herself to sucessfully be chosen? how she felt when her name was called upon after all day shed been telling her older friend palina she was the one to take on duty? Could u imagine the anxiety? The feeling that she had betrayed the only person who had treated her with an ounce of care? The feeling that her entire world was shifting? How she had to keep a smile and a prideful look to appear as the correct answer, a strong new leader to lead her people? How she realizes lina and her could never be friends on equal ground? Although it was never equal to begin with?

[sapphorror]

oh the unbeatable romantic bond between an obsessive stalker and the guy with a pathological need to feel like the center of the universe at all times

[sapphorror]

!! All true (Jon's alexithymia is so real to me), and I'm also compelled to add:

Jon and Martin's relationship is very heavily based in mutual trauma—like, I love their shameless S5 codependence and the 'where you go I go' thing is Tragic Romance™ as all hell, but the reason they're both borderline willing to trade the world for each other is because they've been each other's only constant throughout all the horrors of the show. And this is especially relevant on Jon's end because a) Martin is the only original archival assistant still alive and losing him at this point would basically seal Jon's complete and utter inability to protect the people he believes himself responsible for AND sever his last tie to his former humanity, and b) Martin is the one person who has, unerringly, come to Jon's defense and been on his side when everyone else he cares about resents and mistrusts him in some way. The fact that support was very abruptly taken away in S4 when Jon undoubtedly needed it the most only made Jon value it more because he now has a very clear picture of what life is like without it.

And is this healthy? Well, no, but one, that's not what I'm here for, and two, I think Jonathan Sims expressed the sentiment best here:

They are not a normal relationship formed under normal circumstances, and consequently really can't be fairly evaluated by normal standards. They have been through and continue to go through levels of trauma that are literally impossible to replicate in the real world. Just let them have this.

Also, yeah, it's worth noting that because of the way TMA is written, with the vast majority of non-plot relevant events happening off-screen only to be hinted at on the recordings, the two of them developing a friendship over the course of seasons two and three is absolutely in the text if you're paying any attention whatsoever. It's probably not a very CLOSE friendship, under the circumstances—that they don't actually know each other very well is something both Martin and Peter explicitly point out—but there was absolutely room for feelings to begin developing before getting rudely derailed by S4.

I've seen it said in places that Jon and Martin's relationship (specifically Jon realizing he has feelings for Martin) feels rushed and out of nowhere, and there's a perspective here that I want to share.

I think some people see them as explicitly a gay couple and expect them both to react a certain way to each other, but I have some thoughts as to why Jon is different and their relationship might not look like a traditional MLM story.

I feel that Jon's affections for Martin are absolutely there and growing over time, but with him being acespec, possibly autistic (the "I feel...sad" moment screams alexithymia to me. He doesn't fully understand his internal feelings until they're too big to ignore), and trying very hard to not get murdered for several seasons, I think it's perfectly reasonable his feelings for Martin would take time to develop.

We do see him softening to Martin over time. We see him thinking about Martin unprompted when he's alone. We see him going from "this man is going to ruin this delicate facade I've put up to seem professional, and I want him gone immediately." to "Oh, you're actually capable. So capable you might be trying to kill me." To "I don't want him to get involved or he might get hurt. I need to keep my distance so he's safe." To "I'm going to make myself tea out of nowhere because the guy who usually made it for me all the time isn't here and now it's part of my routine and I want to keep that part of him around while I'm hiding out for murder."

But once he identifies his own feelings, he overcorrects right into hopeless romantic. He's pining hard all S4, because he finally realized himself that he's in love and it's at the worst possible time. It is abrupt. Dude only just figured it out and he's throwing his whole ass into this.

I think even without the autistic headcanon, the acespec nature of how he views relationships and his whole "I feel...sad" moment indicates clearly that he was just oblivious to his own feelings for a very long time.

I know it feels sudden, but some of us are oblivious, okay? I was friends with a girl for 2 years before my brain flipped the switch and Jon's reaction felt so familiar, and I love it. I just hardly ever get to see "me" in media, and it's a bummer when people say it feels unrealistic. It's not, it's just not the norm.

[oh-okay-kay]

thank you stampy for changing my life for the better, for TEN years

[navybluetriangles]

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