#youre totally right though re: jons general inability to process and express his own feelings in a controlled way

[sapphorror]

!! All true (Jon's alexithymia is so real to me), and I'm also compelled to add:

Jon and Martin's relationship is very heavily based in mutual trauma—like, I love their shameless S5 codependence and the 'where you go I go' thing is Tragic Romance™ as all hell, but the reason they're both borderline willing to trade the world for each other is because they've been each other's only constant throughout all the horrors of the show. And this is especially relevant on Jon's end because a) Martin is the only original archival assistant still alive and losing him at this point would basically seal Jon's complete and utter inability to protect the people he believes himself responsible for AND sever his last tie to his former humanity, and b) Martin is the one person who has, unerringly, come to Jon's defense and been on his side when everyone else he cares about resents and mistrusts him in some way. The fact that support was very abruptly taken away in S4 when Jon undoubtedly needed it the most only made Jon value it more because he now has a very clear picture of what life is like without it.

And is this healthy? Well, no, but one, that's not what I'm here for, and two, I think Jonathan Sims expressed the sentiment best here:

They are not a normal relationship formed under normal circumstances, and consequently really can't be fairly evaluated by normal standards. They have been through and continue to go through levels of trauma that are literally impossible to replicate in the real world. Just let them have this.

Also, yeah, it's worth noting that because of the way TMA is written, with the vast majority of non-plot relevant events happening off-screen only to be hinted at on the recordings, the two of them developing a friendship over the course of seasons two and three is absolutely in the text if you're paying any attention whatsoever. It's probably not a very CLOSE friendship, under the circumstances—that they don't actually know each other very well is something both Martin and Peter explicitly point out—but there was absolutely room for feelings to begin developing before getting rudely derailed by S4.

I've seen it said in places that Jon and Martin's relationship (specifically Jon realizing he has feelings for Martin) feels rushed and out of nowhere, and there's a perspective here that I want to share.

I think some people see them as explicitly a gay couple and expect them both to react a certain way to each other, but I have some thoughts as to why Jon is different and their relationship might not look like a traditional MLM story.

I feel that Jon's affections for Martin are absolutely there and growing over time, but with him being acespec, possibly autistic (the "I feel...sad" moment screams alexithymia to me. He doesn't fully understand his internal feelings until they're too big to ignore), and trying very hard to not get murdered for several seasons, I think it's perfectly reasonable his feelings for Martin would take time to develop.

We do see him softening to Martin over time. We see him thinking about Martin unprompted when he's alone. We see him going from "this man is going to ruin this delicate facade I've put up to seem professional, and I want him gone immediately." to "Oh, you're actually capable. So capable you might be trying to kill me." To "I don't want him to get involved or he might get hurt. I need to keep my distance so he's safe." To "I'm going to make myself tea out of nowhere because the guy who usually made it for me all the time isn't here and now it's part of my routine and I want to keep that part of him around while I'm hiding out for murder."

But once he identifies his own feelings, he overcorrects right into hopeless romantic. He's pining hard all S4, because he finally realized himself that he's in love and it's at the worst possible time. It is abrupt. Dude only just figured it out and he's throwing his whole ass into this.

I think even without the autistic headcanon, the acespec nature of how he views relationships and his whole "I feel...sad" moment indicates clearly that he was just oblivious to his own feelings for a very long time.

I know it feels sudden, but some of us are oblivious, okay? I was friends with a girl for 2 years before my brain flipped the switch and Jon's reaction felt so familiar, and I love it. I just hardly ever get to see "me" in media, and it's a bummer when people say it feels unrealistic. It's not, it's just not the norm.