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hotchocolatefanfics · 5 years ago

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Reboot PoTA Couple Theme Songs and their Meanings

Boy did this take me a while to finish! This is something I’ve been working on almost all of 2019 and I’ve finally finished it (2019 was not nice to me-my classes were, but everything else was a blur of getting sick and going from no anxiety to anxiety attacks happening daily. It was just a mess!)

Like the title says, it’s a theme song list for our favorite Planet of The Apes shippings and couples (I only did a few to save time but if this gets popular enough, I could do another involving any shippings and couples that aren’t present here (such as Will X Caroline or Malcolm x Ellie)).

Each couple have their own five theme songs (because one isn’t enough to tell their full story) and each song represents something unique about the couple dynamic or how the shipping can be interpreted and will include a description underneath (some may be longer than others (the more I know on that shipping/more I have to say, the more I write about them)-I apologize in advance for that!). If there’s any information that is missing or details that I overlooked (or even if you disagree with the description) please feel free to share!

Please note that you are not obligated to listen to these songs and you are completely and totally free to add a song to these couple lists. Part of the reason why I made this was in hopes that maybe it would spark a conversation amongst us PoTA fans about our favorite PoTA shippings/couple and explore other shippings.

Also, I didn’t include OC relations here but feel free to add them in your reblogs(you may also re-use songs that are already on these lists if you feel they could describe your OC x Canon shipping)! All love stories are welcomed on this post! (the only rule is there can’t be any underage or huge age difference couples).

My information sources are:

All three Reboot movies, Firestorm, Revelations, The Planet of The Apes Fandom Wikia and also reading a couple of stuff/peaking around on AO3, FanFiction.net, DeviantArt, and Wattpad.

With that said, enjoy the theme songs!

Caesar x Cornelia

Stand by you - Rachel Platten

Better Together - Jack Johnson

Say Something (I’m giving up on you) - A Great Big World

Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down

The Call - Regina Spektor

Description:

As this is a couples list, it only makes sense to start it with the king and queen themselves!

I think it’s more than safe to say that these two loved each other very much.

We saw Caesar and Cornelia’s relationship grow from Rise, Firestorm, Dawn, Revelations, to War and during that time, we’ve seen them grow closer (I actually think that, as their relationship progressed, Cornelia made Caesar a better leader-as she pointed things out to Caesar that he either ignored/didn’t realize/know in Firestorm).

When I personally think about this couple, I think about Caesar: The life he grew up with, the family he left behind when he chose to stay in the forest with the apes, the hardships he had to face in the earlier days/years of freedom and I think about all the stress and the anxiety that he had to have felt during those times. He had to have felt that he had to show strength in the presence of his followers-that would have meant not thinking/talking about Will, Charles or Caroline or letting it be known if he missed them at all.

Then I think about Cornelia. As his wife, she had to have known everything about Caesar. From his childhood to anything and everything he feared and worried about as king and leader. If there was anyone in the whole colony that Caesar could have shown that side to him, that uncertain, missing his family side to him, it would have been Cornelia, and I would imagine that she understood that he missed his human home. That she listened to his worries and comforted him-possibly reassured him if he needed it.

I didn’t know if it’s talked about very much but, as king and queen they’re very similar in personality: Both being compassionate and kind, but also fiercely protective of both the colony and of their friends and as parents, both are (also) protective and loving towards Blue Eyes and Cornelius (examples being Caesar protecting Blue Eyes from the bear and later protecting both sons from Carver in Dawn and Cornelia keeping Cornelius safe in Revelations).

This couple is featured in nearly every fanfic out there and every Planet of The Apes role-play that Tumblr has but I feel like we don’t talk about it enough. In War, Caesar was more than devastated by Cornelia’s death (and by the death of Blue Eyes) as he became vengeful, murderous and (pretty much) ready to kill because of it (remember that man with the wood at the oyster farm where they found Nova?).

If you really want to go there, it says a lot about his and Cornelia’s relationship during the war. That (maybe) the war took such a tool on Caesar (mentally and emotionally) that she became his strength. That (maybe) Caesar was already on the verge of losing it well before the attack on that hill (like having a breakdown or panic attack)-and I wouldn’t be surprised, as he was betrayed by Koba, then by Red and other followers of Koba, and his apes were being attacked, threatened and/or killed by the soldiers.

Maybe Cornelia kept him grounded, reminded him of who he was and what was important and when the Colonel killed her, it broke something in Caesar and when he lost her, he lost part of himself and may have forgotten who he was (only remembering when he realized he couldn’t kill the Colonel).

Blue Eyes x Lake

Kiss The Girl - Ashley Tisdale

Love Story - Taylor Swift

Colors - Halsey

It’s all coming back to me now - Meet loaf

When you’re Gone - Avril Lavigne

Description:

Blue Eyes and Lake clearly loved each other in War. We know they grew up together and played with each other as children though their (romantic) feelings for each other likely came later (around the time of Dawn/Revelations).

We didn’t get to see much of their relationship (due to Blue Eyes dying and/or being sent away in Revelations) but, considering that Blue Eyes was protective of his friends and family (and openly affectionate towards them in War), I think it can be assumed that he would have been a loving husband to Lake and would have protected her if she were in danger.

Lake appeared to love children, so it is reasonable to imagine they would have had children together and she would have, more than likely, been a wonderful mother to them. Lake was also brave (as seen when she defended Caesar in War), which makes it likely she could have assisted Blue Eyes as his queen (if he had lived to become king).

And now, the Fan-Made couples!!!

Caesar x Koba (aka: ‘Caba’)

Little Do You Know - Alex & Sierra

Hold On - Chord Overstreet

A Moment Like This - Kelly Clarkson

Breathless - Shayne Ward

Teddy Bear - Melanie Martinez

Description:

Yes, I absolutely had to start with this one as it’s, if I’m not mistaken, the most common shipping in the fandom (and it’s also my favorite too!).

Caesar and Koba were obviously very close in Dawn (as best friends and honorary brothers) as Koba saved Caesar from that bear in the beginning and Caesar later gifted the pelt to him. This relationship was created when Caesar rescued Koba and other apes from Gen-Sys and continued in Firestorm.

I can’t remember if I got this far into Caesar’s Story, but I wanna say there was a part in the book where it talked about Koba having feelings for/falling in love with Caesar(?)(Please correct me if I’m wrong).

It all came crashing down when the humans showed up and Koba’s hatred of them was reborn and it became clear to him that Caesar still ‘loved’ humans (when Koba said “Caesar loves humans more than apes” he may have actually believed that-it is also possible he may have thought Caesar loved humans more than him).

It eventually leads to Koba shooting him (which means he, essentially, abandoned his love for Caesar in favor of his hate for humans) and then declaring war on the humans-and later, resulted in Caesar having to kill him. Koba’s betrayal deeply hurt Caesar and so did killing him (let’s not forget that Koba’s ghost haunted him in War).

What I’ve noticed with this shipping is it’s all about the vulnerable and damaged side of Koba’s personality and about Caesar’s protective and compassionate heart.

Fanfics of this shipping sometimes follows the story of Dawn (with Pope as the bad guy or with Koba’s betrayal being deeper than just about revenge on the humans) and other times it’s completely different (nodding at the ‘Caesar and The Bonobo’ Beauty and The Beast AU on FanFiction and all other Caba one-shots(all deserve a read!)) but in all fanfics and fan arts of this shipping, there’s always a sense of heartache for the couple (either due to how Koba suffered before Rise or knowing how their relationship ended in Dawn).

Everything about this shipping is tragic and (when well-written out) heartbreaking but at the same time, it can be adorable and beautiful (I’m also tempted to call it irresistible for many fans-seriously, look on AO3, DeviantArt Wattpad, FanFiction.net-literally all of these sites has three or more fanfics/one-shots of this shipping (though I would advise you all to be careful as some of them may be, let’s say, ‘Rated R’)!).

I have not found any role-plays of this shipping on Tumblr (yet!) so I wouldn’t know how the shipping is portrayed in that category (Seriously, are there any role-plays of this? Cause I’d like to know!).

Koba x Stone

I Still Love You - Josh Jenkins

Yours to Hold - Skillet

Grenade - Bruno Mars

Hero - Enrique Iglesias

Immortal - Evanescence

Description:

I’ve, sadly, only seen this shipping on role-play blogs here on Tumblr so much of this is guessed (if anyone reading this has role-played this shipping before or have more experience with it, please correct me if I’m wrong!)

Stone was one of Koba’s friends and first followers in Dawn (aside from Grey) but his motives for following Koba are never talked about (also in Revelations, it says he’s dead but he’s clearly seen alive in War…Does he have superpowers or did he just disappear and showed up again for War?)

(Here’s my guess) Stone likely disagreed with Caesar’s role (to some extent but I doubt he was as extreme about it as Koba was) but what if, his main reason for following Koba had more to do with him having secret feelings for the bonobo than anything else? What if Stone saw and knew that Koba was still haunted by his past and comforted him when no one else would? And by the time the humans reappeared in Dawn, Stone developed his own hatred for the species that had hurt his love?

Meanwhile, Koba, who likely doesn’t feel comfortable talking about his past with anyone and felt betrayed and angered when Caesar disregarded his hatred of humans, probably would have resisted Stone’s affection for a long time before he finally let him in and fully accepted the comfort and love from the chimp (it is also possible Koba used that very sympathy to manipulate Stone into doing his bidding but I’m not sure if he would have needed to as, again, Stone would have already hated humans for torturing Koba in the past anyway).

Now about Stone’s death/survival: Let’s say that Stone survived Dawn (as seen in War). If he really did have feelings for Koba, it’s likely he would have felt guilty and somewhat responsible for his love’s death as he had chosen to agree with him that the apes should go to war with humans instead of talking Koba out of it (to be fair I’m not sure if Koba could have been convinced otherwise after the fight with Caesar in the dam but I think Stone would have had a better chance of reasoning with him anyone else).

Now let’s say Stone had actually died and Koba wasn’t defeated by Caesar. I think it’s more than safe to say Koba would be screwed if he was the one to have to go to war with the Colonel in War instead of Caesar (and it may be reasonable to suspect he may eventually realize the gravity of what he did and would regret it all as the war continues) but if this war took Stone early on, and if Stone and Koba were romantically involved, it’s also reasonable to assume Koba would have regretted that most of all-seeing Stone as the last (and by the time of War, the only) to love him and care about him and feeling lost and alone without him.

All in all, this shipping has a love lost and a sort of ‘dam(sel) in distress’ feel to it.

Koba x Cornelia

Sk8ter Boi - Avril Laringe

When I was Your Man - Bruno Mars

Uptown Girl - Billy Joel

Bad Boy - Cascada

Dear in The Headlights - Owl City

Description:

I have the same problem here-total guesswork!

Based on what little I know of this shipping so far, it reminds me of the ‘outcast falls in love with popular person’ scenario that is sometimes seen in high school movies. But this shipping could seriously work as a love triangle story!

Koba and Cornelia have little to no interaction in the books (the ones I’ve read so far anyway!) or in the movies but it is known that they see each other as honorary brother and sister (due to Caesar and Koba being honorary brothers). It’s reasonable to assume they had mutual respect for each other and that Cornelia was just as betrayed by Koba’s actions as Caesar was.

However, it is never revealed what Koba’s plans would have been for Cornelia had Caesar truly died (there is a chance he could have forced her into marrying him but I also think there's a chance she would have rebelled against him and Koba could have decided to kill her (or kill Cornelius as punishment and then kill her? I dunno know)).

Also, what if Koba had wanted Cornelia as his wife all along and only decided to kill Caesar when he did because the humans ‘conveniently’ showed up (unlikely but maybe)? I think this shipping was born from the idea that Koba always had a secret crush on Cornelia but kept it a secret because she married Caesar and knew he had no chance with her.

Another thought (and this is highly unlikely but still): In the wild, chimps would have multiple mates (Rocket in Rise for example) so there's also a (tiny) chance that Caesar could (in theory) be married to both Cornelia AND Koba-I have never heard of this particular thing happening and I’m not sure if the Caba and/or the Koba x Cornelia shippings are popular enough to warrant that sort of dynamic but it would make an interesting fanfic.

Koba x Pope

Issues - Julia Michaels

Battles Scars - Guy Sebastian Ft. Lupe Fiasco

Love the Way you Lie - Eminem Ft. Rhianna

Next To Me - Imagine Dragons

Courage - Superchick

Description:

For those who don’t know, Pope is the main villain from the Dawn comics. He’s very similar to Koba (as they’re both apes that came from labs) but worse as he enslaved primitive apes and saw them as lesser beings-going as far as calling them ‘stupid animals’.

Anyway, me and a friend made this one up a while back in our discussions and, from what I remember, we had two or three(?) different scenarios for this shipping.

One being that since they were both abused and tortured by humans, they may find comfort in each other (finding it easy to show vulnerability to someone who’s equally damaged) and fall in love from their shared experiences.

In the comic, Pope’s past is only hinted by Koba when he says: “He was like me…A lab ape. Bad Things, maybe worse.” and then his past is never mentioned of again however, Pope does say: “Never show weakness.” after the killing of a human later in the comic. Based on that, it’s reasonable to suspect that Pope may harbor a similar hatred to humans as Koba does and may suffer from demons of his own but keeps it well hidden from other apes.

Two being more about their personalities: Both Koba and Pope are capable of hurting people (as seen when Koba killed Ash and shot Caesar and Maurice in Dawn and when Pope killed the alpha, killed Fifer and Cora and enslaved all the primitive apes in the comic) and both are described by the PoTA Fandom Wiki as ‘cruel and tyrannical’ (with Koba being described as ‘belittling’, ‘unstable’ and ‘manipulative’ and Pope as ‘immoral’, ‘arrogant’ and ‘egomaniacal’).

Considering these traits, it wouldn’t be too hard to imagine one of them to perceive the other’s vulnerability as ‘weakness’ and actually abuse the other (like Pope abusing Koba or Koba abusing Pope). Based on their personalities, it’s possible the kind of abuse they’d inflict on each other would likely be physical, emotional, or mental abuse (or all three).

Third (and this is more of continuation of the second one!), even if Koba and Pope weren’t abusing each other, their relationship would likely be argumentative, unhealthy, troubling, rough and just very dysfunctional.

These are two very damaged apes with traumas that were not properly dealt with or given help for and full of pent up rage and hate towards humans (plus Pope hated Caesar and disrespected his rule). If they were to be a couple, their own traumas and hatred would feed off of each other and may, inadvertently, make it worse (this would likely not be a problem if Pope and Koba were with other people as a person who doesn’t have the same experiences or resentment as them would likely help ‘heal’ them). Maybe their relationship could work but they may need therapy (psychotherapy and/or couple therapy) before it gets there.

Red x Winter

Sorry - Halsey

Please Don’t Leave Me - P!nk

Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows

Secrets - OneRepublic

You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift

Description:

Eeeeeek! This one is my second favorite! I can’t wait to share this dynamic! :D

Both gorillas are first seen in Revelations. Red being manipulative, defiant, aggressive and violent (as shown when he manipulated Grey, lead the soldiers to the building where the colony was hiding in, tried to kill Cornelia (twice and one being while she was trying to help another female ape give birth!) and also when he slapped Cedar) and Winter being fearful and timid (as seen when he faced the wall after the building next to the colony’s hiding place was blown up and when he failed to kill Cornelia (which Red manipulated him into trying to do anyway)). Both are seen again in War, where Winter proves himself as a coward and Red a traitor.

Needless to say, both of these gorillas have very different personality types. The interactions they had both in Revelations and in War weren’t enough to say they were friends (let alone romantically involved) however, Red clearly knew Winter was easy to control. Why else would he consistently manipulate him? And Winter appeared to be afraid of Red. This could be because Red was more aggressive than him and Winter feared confrontation.

However, there’s a lot about the two gorillas that were never revealed (backstory wise. I actually do have a backstory theory for Red but that’s a post for another day). For example, Red was shown to have a lot of anger built up in him and while it is believed to be due to Caesar killing Koba, it feels much deeper than that.

Koba was only leader for a day and or two (or less, my math isn’t great) and Red was willing to kill Cornelia, manipulate and endanger other apes and betray the colony over that? No, this anger didn’t develop overnight. It had to have been there BEFORE Dawn (and it somehow has something to do with Caesar)!

Then there’s Winter. We know his father died before he was born but we don’t know how or what his relationship was/the whereabouts of his mother (this does open the door for speculation of whether or not the circumstances of his father’s death and the relationship he had with his mother could have anything to do with Winter’s fearfulness).

Finally, their relationship: What if Red’s anger and hate was all a mask? What if, deep down inside, he was actually a very hurt, troubled and damaged person and only knew how to show it through anger? And what if Winter’s greatest flaw was actually his strength? Winter was more open about his feelings in both Revelation and in War (whether it be fear, shock, or worry) while Red was very closed off.

What if that difference was what originally attracted Winter to Red? What if Winter, despite being intimidated by Red, viewed him as mysterious and was drawn to him by that. Meanwhile, what if Red was secretly jealous of Winter being so open about his vulnerabilities-even if he knew others would look down on him for it.

With all that said (sorry it was that long!), Red and Winter’s relationship would be built on shared (either expressed or hidden) vulnerabilities and traumatic experiences. Both have flaws and neither of them are weak. They just depend on each other for strength and (in one-shots where they survive War) for belonging as they have no one else.

Blue Eyes x Ash

Bad Day - Daniel Powter

Dark Paradise - Lana Del Ray

Perfect - P!nk

Complicated - Avril Lavigne

Count on Me - Bruno Mars

Description:

This is another shipping I’ve only seen briefly-I’m not sure if there are any role-plays of it on Tumblr (but then again I never really looked either!) but there is a fanfic or two out there of this pairing (again, if I miss something a detail regarding this shipping, please let me know!).

Ash is first seen in Dawn when he and Blue Eyes are fishing together. Right away, it’s pretty clear these two are close friends and likely grew up together (which would make sense as their fathers are so close). Based on the interactions between him and Blue Eyes in that scene and the council meeting scene, Ash can be described as humorous (such as when he poked at Blue Eyes) and confident in himself (like when he was teasing Blue Eyes over the bear incident) and Blue Eyes, is protective of him as he (presumably) protected him from Carver before Rocket and the other apes intervened.

Blue Eyes is left devastated and deeply hurt after Ash’s death and, throughout Revelations, thinks about him constantly and later having a dream about him.

Since I don’t know that much about this pairing, this is where the guesswork comes in: As these two grew up together, it’s more than likely they also knew each other on a deeper level than their parents did-for example, Blue Eyes could have told Ash all his secrets, whatever worries or fears he had, maybe ranted to him about his anger and frustrations with his father or about being prince.

I don’t know if Ash had any issues with his parents (as he and Rocket appeared to be very close as father and son-and we don’t really see Ash interacting with Tinker) but if he ever had a bad day, he’d likely talk to Blue Eyes about it just like Blue Eyes would.

This relationship would be founded on childhood friendship, turned best friends, into lovers. Likely turning into a ‘you’re the only person I trust with my secrets’ kind of relationship while also being a very supportive and protective kind of relationship too.

McCullough x Caesar

I Hate Everything - Three Days Grace

Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne

Hold Me Down - Halsey

You Don’t Own Me - Grace Ft. G-Eazy

Hellfire - The Hunchback of Notre Dam

Description:

I dabbled on this one in my Whumptober one-shots but if anyone’s interested in more of this shipping, there’s a few on AO3 (it’s easily the black sheep of this list but I think it deserves a place here for clarification as to what this shipping could be versus what it sounds like). It’s a weird pairing but it’s worth checking out!

I think we all know Colonel McCullough as the most evil human in the reboot movies (as he is willing to kill apes and any human who is infected with the virus-his own son for example) and seeing how he treated Caesar in War (chaining him up, forcing him and the ape colony to work, having him whipped and tied to a cross with no food or water for days, killing Cornelia and Blue Eyes) it’s easy to see why this shipping would raise eyebrows but it all depends on how one looks at it.

For example, I see the shipping as a possible twist on War: As the war between the apes and AO soldiers unfold, McCullough’s desire to capture and/or kill Caesar turns into something else. He becomes obsessed with the Ape King and decides the best way to defeat him and get rid of the apes would be to destroy Caesar’s life. So he deliberately kills Cornelia and Blue Eyes knowing it will provoke Caesar to go after him and later in the base when McCullough has Red and Preacher bring Caesar to his office, he blackmails Caesar into marrying him (saying that he’ll let the colony live if he agrees).

As a result of it, Caesar becomes McCullough’s “chimp-wife” and is a prisoner in this forced marriage, the ape colony thinks he’s abandoned and/or betrayed them, the AO soldiers and the Donkeys are confused by the whole thing and Red and Preacher (who witnessed the Colonel’s blackmailing marriage proposal to Caesar) are thinking “WTF is happening here?”.

Another way one could see this shipping would be as something funny. Yes, it’s dysfunctional but that could be the point! If one wanted to make a fanfic of this shipping, they could use the dysfunctional aspects of the relationship and make it funny. Think Marge and Homer Simpson for example.

For those who have an issue with this shipping, I 100% agree this relationship would be doomed from the start (if we decide to take it seriously). If McCullough and Caesar were to be married, I can picture the Colonel being abusive and predigest towards Caesar and his species, blaming him for all things wrong in the world (such as the virus, the fall of the human race), likely never showing any love or affection towards Caesar, and poor Caesar would become depressed and miserable from this awful marriage.

Bon x Pope (from the Dawn comics!)

Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis

Follow Him - Peggy March

I would Do Anything For You - Foster The People

Just The Girl - Click Five

All You Wanted - Michelle Branch

Description:

To be honest, I’m not sure if Bon was really this close to Pope as he only appeared once or twice in the Dawn comics BUT! he was one of his loyal followers and while it is possible he only disagreed with Caesar’s rule, there’s another chance that he may have had feelings for Pope (much like my description of the Stone x Koba shipping).

For those who didn’t read the comics, let me sum up the interactions between these two: Bon was one of Pope’s followers and is seen returning back to the zoo after (unsuccessfully) searching for an ape named Fifer who escaped them and informs Pope that there are humans nearby. Bon also took part in the battle between Pope and Koba and was later banished along with Pope’s followers while the primitive apes followed Koba back to the Ape Village.

As this shipping, almost no leg to stand on (and is more made up than the others on this list) allow me to explain it here: Much like Grey and Stone towards Koba, Bon (and a gorilla named Rex) followed Pope-presumably because they also disliked Caesar and/or his rule. As Pope didn’t actually plan on killing Caesar until later in the comics and didn’t realize there were primitive apes, in the beginning, I don’t think there was any manipulation going on from him.

Now let’s look at Pope for a second: Pope was an ape who looked down upon anyone who showed weakness or was primitive and had no problem with enslaving, torturing, endangering or murdering other apes. Like I said in my description for the Koba x Pope shipping, Pope was also a lab ape (with fishnet scars on the left side of his face, shoulder and chest giving us a hint as to what he was put through-though it’s never actually discussed) so it is reasonable to imagine he may have his own demons and traumas, much like Koba does (unsurprisingly, Pope also hates humans).

The thing about Pope that I’m curious about is if he is traumatized from what had been done to him at the hands of humans, does he show it? He likely doesn’t as he appears to dislike seeing it and other apes showing weakness but that would mean that, much like Koba, he’s holding things back, probably much more than Koba was (as Koba is seen in Dawn talking (briefly) about what he went through with humans to Caesar).

Now looking at Pope and Bon, it makes me wonder if Bon could have picked up on that. Like what if Bon saw the pain that Pope was covering up and reached out to him?

That, and it is also possible Bon was into the ‘bad boy’ type.

Phew, glad that’s over! XD

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elsaclack · 5 years ago

Note

hi! I'm rewatching the series and I just always wonder what people's perspectives are on jake and sophia (if he was really in love with her and such). You're characterization in your writing is always so good and I love your b99 meta/long responses to asks so I was curious about your thoughts.

hi!!! i got this ask the other day and i’ve been letting it sit because i’ve been having really bad brain fog all week and i wanted to be able to fully dedicate my focus to answering this bc it’s such an interesting question and i’ve actually thought about it a lot!!!

i will qualify this by saying that i can’t speak for everyone so there are probably people who will disagree with me and that’s fine!!! the great thing about the show is that it leaves a lot of motivations-type stuff and the in-between not-seen moments up to personal interpretation so there can be a lot of different answers to this question and none of them are right or wrong unless dan goor says otherwise lmao

SO in my opinion, i think jake genuinely had feelings for sophia and probably really thought he was in love with her at the time. like i think that in his mind, he had sort of realized that amy was with someone else and was not into him in that way and he accepted it, and was doing his best to move on. like maybe initially sophia was just going to be a drunken one-night stand, but upon realizing that she was In His Life for better or worse, he also realized he actually has a lot in common with her and finds her genuinely funny and was attracted to her beyond just physical looks. so like yeah i definitely think that jake had real feelings for sophia - that’s why he stays with her for several episodes after amy and teddy break up. like i never got the feeling that jake was just bidding his time with sophia while waiting to make a move on amy after x amount of time passed post-breakup - like he was with sophia that whole time and was doing his best to connect with her coworkers/be more involved in her life and he was legitimately crushed after she broke up with him. he even spent the whole episode after their breakup trying to distract himself from constantly checking his phone for new messages from her. like that was very real and tbh i felt it in my soul, and people don’t act like that unless they were emotionally invested in a person

BUT i also think jake never really stopped having feelings for amy. it’s like i said, he’d come to the conclusion that amy was not interested in him and would most likely Never be interested in him in that way, so rather than disrespecting her and wasting his own time by waiting around on the remote possibility that she might someday develop feelings for him, he decided to move on with his life and find romantic fulfillment elsewhere. but like clearly we all know that doesn’t end up working out (for either of them lmao suckers) - in my head i think jake had convinced himself that his feelings for amy were gone and it was all purely platonic and he was genuinely happy with sophia and honestly probably would have stayed with her indefinitely (idk about a marriage proposal for them...i go back and forth but s2 jake still kind of strikes me as being afraid of commitment, i think he developed and matured later on within his relationship with amy to the point where he felt confident proposing and idk that that would have happened with sophia) but i think it was like trying to deny a fundamental part of who he is by pretending like he didn’t have feelings for amy. he could keep up a charade for a while, even convince himself that the feelings weren’t there anymore, but eventually the feelings came surging back, arguably stronger than they were before. i don’t think jake was ever lying to sophia or leading her on or anything, i think he legitimately thought at one point that sophia was The One for him, but after falling in love with amy and marrying her and starting a life with her, what he had with sophia is nothing more than a pale imitation of love. i mean i think that’s the case with most relationships that precede Real True Love - they feel so real and intense and cosmic at the moment, but once you find the Real Thing, everything that came before it sort of falls flat.

idk i don’t mean to like...romanticize...romance...especially bc i’m single and i haven’t had real romantic feelings (beyond like an occasional fleeting glimmer of attraction) for anyone in a long time, but like i’ve been in relationships that have felt all-consuming and heart-stopping at the time that ended similarly to the way things ended for jake and sophia and it was CRUSHING in the moment, but now that i’ve had some distance and i’ve grown and matured as a person, i can look back and understand that we were fundamentally different people and even if x thing that caused the breakup hadn’t happened, we probably would have broken up eventually anyways. and i think Finding True Love just further emphasizes that for a lot of people

not saying finding true love is the end-all be-all purpose of life or anything god knows fulfillment can be found in SO MANY other places, but in this specific case i think that’s basically what happened for jake. what was love at the time became a flickering baby candle flame of attraction compared to the all-consuming wildfire that is how he feels about amy.

ew i hate myself lmfao

anyways THANK U i always feel like i ramble on for way too long when i get asks like this so it’s encouraging to know people even read them let alone like them?? you’re v kind and i appreciate u VERY much

#my b99 meta #b99 #em speaks #jake x amy #jake peralta #sophia perez #amy santiago #jake x sophia #tbh

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wolfpawn · 5 years ago

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Life is a Game of Risks, Chapter 31

Chapter Summary - Alexianna and Tom talk to Lily about her comments outside the school.

TRIGGERS - Past domestic abuse, Past emotional abuse, Past sexual abuse.

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Tags: @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @theoneanna

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Alexianna was unable to look at Tom as she waited, Lily’s hand in hers, for Tom to put the car seat in the car for her daughter.

Tom, for his part, did not know what to say. He found it funny that the little girl would ask such a question. It was odd that she would expect a sibling as though they were mandatory and she was overdue one.

When they sat in, Lily looked at her mother wondering what she had said to make her not ask her about her day.

They got back to Alexianna and Lily’s home fairly quickly considering the time of day, the entirety of the journey filled with silence, Tom looking at Alexianna periodically throughout the journey, but she seemed adamant to simply stare ahead for the limited time in the car. When they got to the dwelling and Tom looked at her again, she clearly avoided his gaze. ‘Let Lily in for a moment.’ He instructed. Alexianna swallowed fearfully and did as requested, letting Lily into their home before turning to see Tom behind her on the doorstep. ‘Talk to me.’

‘How do I tell my daughter that the man she thinks the world of is not her father?’ She asked.

‘I thought you were thinking I would flee at her saying “yes” if I am honest.’

‘No, I mean, I did for a moment, but you look so amused since, I realised I didn’t have to worry about that.’

He leant forward and kissed her forehead. ‘Good, I am glad I am getting that much through to you. As for the other matter, we just tell her that biologically, no, she is not my daughter.’

‘But you know what comes after that, don’t you?’ Alexianna commented. ‘That’s where “Where is my dad?” comes in.’

Tom cursed for a moment, for as much of a chance that Lily would accept their simple answer, there was a far greater chance of her curiosity making her ask about her biological father. ‘It was going to happen sooner or later, Lexi. You cannot hide it from her forever, she does deserve to know, just not all the terrible finer details.’

Alexianna looked to the sky and sighed. ‘I know.’ When she looked at Tom again, she gave a small smile. ‘You don’t have to….’

‘Do you want me here?’ He asked. ‘Or is this something you need to talk about as mother and daughter?’

‘Part of me is wanting to say yes, the other part is thinking that this does involve you.’

‘I will say nothing unless you want me to.’ He smiled, opening the door for her; when they entered, Tom felt guilty as they looked at the clearly worried face of Lily, who stood nearby as though waiting to hear some bad news.

‘Lil’s, I need to talk to you about something important for a moment.’ Alexianna stated as she sat on the sofa, Tom immediately going to her side.

‘Am I in trouble?’ Lily asked.

‘No, Princess, you’re not.’ Tom reassured. ‘Your mum just wants to talk to you about something.’

Lily came over and looked at Alexianna sadly. ‘Lil’s, we need to explain something to you. Tom…..Tom is lovely, and we love having him in our lives, don’t we?’ Lily nodded.

‘And I love being in your lives.’ Tom smiled.

Lily gave a small but genuine smile at that. ‘But today, when Demi asked if Tom was your dad, you said yes.’

‘Because he is.’ Lily stated assertively.

‘Lily, sweetheart, I am afraid that Tom is not your father.’ Alexianna felt almost upset saying the words.

‘But he is, daddy’s read stories, they tuck you in, they ask you about what you did and make sure you are happy and I thought that daddies had to live with you, but Ms Jones said that not everyone’s daddy lives with them, and sometimes they have to go to a different house for their daddy, and we do that with Tom.’

Both adults looked at her for a moment, seeing clearly, though incorrectly, how the child had made the correlation between her teacher’s words and Tom’s role in her life. ‘Lily, a father is a man that helps make a baby, they are not just defined by how they help raise one.’ Alexianna attempted to explain. ‘Sometimes, it is different, but that is when the mommy gets married or some other event happens, but Sweetie, I know it’s not what you want to hear, but Tom is not your dad. I'm sorry.’ Alexianna gave her daughter an apologetic look.

Lily’s eyes began to well up with tears. ‘But I want him to be.’

‘We know you do Princess, and believe me, I would love to be your dad,’ Tom explained, feeling his own voice becoming tight as Lily’s reaction to this conversation. She walked over to him and hugged in against him as she cried, Tom kissing the top of her head and holding her close as they did. ‘I wish it was different, I really do.’

‘I want you to be my daddy.’

‘I know, Love, I know.’ Tom found himself unable to stop the tears welling in his eyes. ‘I love you, so much, you know that, don’t you?’ He felt her nod against him. ‘You are a great little girl and I am so grateful and honoured to be in your life.’ He looked to Alexianna, who was looking at them sadly beside her.

‘I need to talk to you about something else as well, Sweetheart.’ Her mother started, hoping to get her daughter away from the idea of asking about her biological father. Lily looked at her again. ‘I am afraid you’re not getting a little brother, at least not for quite some time, if at all.’ Lily began to cry again. ‘Lily, babies are a lot of work, they need space, a lot of things, prams, cots, loads of nappies, clothes and they cost so so much.’ She explained.

‘But….everyone else in my class has brothers and sisters except for Maisie and she told us today that she is getting one.’ Lily whined.

‘Lily, babies are not like teddies, you cannot just put them in a corner of a room and they wait until you want to play with them again, they are very needy and for a mommy to have one, her belly has to grow a lot to have the baby and she needs to be able to take time off work and I cannot take time off right now, I have a new job and college, and you and well, Tom and I….’

‘Are not married?’ Lily asked. ‘You should get married first.’

Tom bit his lips together as Lily went into another subject that was not on the cards yet.

‘Oh, sweet Jesus.’ Alexianna groaned. ‘You don’t need to be married to have a baby Lils, but most people want to be because it shows they love each other and that they are old enough to know what a baby means.’

‘Oh, were you married when you haded me?’

‘Yes.’

‘So Tom and you are married?’

‘No.’

‘What?’ The child became confused.

‘I will explain it more to you some other time, but for now, all you need to know is there are no brothers happening.’

‘I would be okay with a sister.’ Lily offered.

Tom snorted in laughter as Alexianna’s face fell into her hands. ‘You don’t get to choose Lily, science does. Mommies and Daddies don’t get to choose what they have.’

‘Did you want me to be a girl?’

‘I wanted you to be healthy and I was so happy you were. When the doctor told me you were a little girl, I cried, I was scared at first, because I am not very girlie, so I was scared about how I would do your hair and when you are older, I was scared I would not know what you were talking about, but when they gave you to me, I was so so happy and I loved you right there and then and I never stopped.’ She smiled. Lily beamed at her. ‘Now, we have a lot to do today, I want to get our room completely cleared of stuff we don’t need.’

‘We did a few weeks ago, silly mommy.’ Lily laughed.

‘I know, but we need to clean it even more.’ Alexianna stated, not telling her daughter about their impending move.

‘Okay.’ Lily sighed dramatically.

‘Your mum and I are going to get a cup of tea and then the three of us are going to start, so go and play for a minute, okay Princess.’ Tom beaned.

‘Okay.’ She darted off to the bedroom.

‘You’re not telling her.’

‘About the move? No, I want it to be a surprise.’ Alexianna smiled. ‘I am sorry, about her comments.’

‘I wish she had a father she could be proud of, she is so deserving of such a thing.’ Tom commented. ‘Hearing her say she wishes it was me, I have never heard such heartache from a child.’

‘She adores you.’

‘Likewise.’ Tom admitted before laughing, ‘The sibling comments were hilarious, though.’

‘Jesus, she is something else.’ Alexianna groaned as Tom chuckled. ‘How are you not running away?’

‘Sophie asks for a new sibling every other day, it’s natural to not want to be alone, and as Lily said, most families these days have two kids by the time the first is four.’

‘I suppose.’ Alexianna conceded. ‘I could not handle a baby, college and work are hard as it is, add morning sickness, Lily, the complications it would add to us, Jesus, it would be the worst thing possible right now, we are finally able to get out of here.’

Tom said nothing but noted her words for a few seconds. ‘No, it would not even be something to discuss at present.’ He agreed. He pulled her to him. ‘You handled it well.’

‘I felt the need to divert so she would not ask about him, I should not have said I was married.’

‘It wasn’t a lie, don’t lie to her, Lexi. You need to trust one another, you have others in your life, but you and Lily, you need to be close, you need one another.’

‘You’re right.’ She rubbed her hands on her legs for a moment before getting to her feet. ‘Tea?’

‘I’ll get it, you get her changed and we’ll get started.’ Tom offered, going into the kitchen. While he waited for the kettle to boil, he thought of Alexianna’s words regarding more children, noting that she had gone from swearing off having any more to saying not for some time at the least. He was uncertain as to how to interpret it.

#Life is a Game of Risks #chapter 31 #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic

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kootenaygoon · 5 years ago

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So,

Before changing ownership a decade previous, Tony’s Taphouse had been a biker bar called the Civic. Notorious for its rough clientele and routine bouts of violence, and for harbouring regulars who acted like nocturnal animals, most locals knew it as the Zoo. It had been the preferred haunt for the Hell’s Angels, who had long since been banned from the premises.

“It took us a long time to turn things around,” my boss told me one night, while I manned the door for a Val Kilmer and the New Coke concert. A crowd of twenty-somethings were smoking all around us.

“Whenever we tried to get people to behave they’d say ‘don’t you know this is the Zoo?’ And I would say ‘yes, and I’m the new zookeeper’.”

My boss reminded me of a small child in an enormous body, slightly immature and with a propensity for breaking stuff. He had a reputation for overdoing things, to the point that the Nelson Police Department had nailed him for multiple assault charges. The other bouncers told me he was well known for choke-slamming unruly patrons into unconsciousness, which was the reason he was no longer allowed to assist us when we ejected the city’s shitheads and drunks. The guy was easily 300 pounds, and scary as hell when provoked. The rest of the time he was an amiable teddy bear, quick to laugh and always game to sing “Chocolate Salty Balls” from South Park at karaoke, much to the chagrin of his embarrassed wife.

Most of my shifts were spent alongside a fellow ginger beard named Luke who liked playing bad cop to my good cop. During the day he worked at a pet food store, and he was well-known as a huge softie when it came to animals. While I had a tendency to treat Tony’s like my own personal Cheers, he was monosyllabic and ominous. Late into the night we would hang by the entrance swapping jokes and taking turns shovelling back lettuce wraps and chicken strips, clad in all black.

Eventually I suggested we should update our uniforms. There was a local barber named Chris Brach who bounced at Spiritbar and I admired how he dressed and carried himself like an old-school gentleman. We ultimately settled on matching vests with dress button-down shirts, with each bouncer choosing their favourite colour. I chose a blood red that was almost purple, while Luke went with sky blue. Eventually the whole team adopted this new look, making the whole place that much classier.

Working at Tony’s gave me a whole new perspective on Nelson. I knew who was doing drugs, who was cheating on their spouse, and who was banned from the premises until they came grovelling back to the owners. The Nelson Leafs were preening and omnipresent as peacocks, and in the early hours of the evening I’d encounter the more wholesome members of society as they engaged in events like paint night. Sometimes people would approach me with the latest issue of the Nelson Star, commenting on stories or complimenting me on the cover photo. The print edition was becoming increasingly irrelevant, but Tony’s was one of the few places I could regularly see people consuming it alongside their beer.

From where we stood during our shifts, we looked out at a sports bar that took up the ground floor of the Adventure Hotel. Because we were open later than any other establishment in Nelson, we would watch as the late night crowd funnelled in our direction. Crowds of drunk twenty-somethings would march diagonally across the intersection, ignoring the cross-walks, and it was our job to interpret whether or not they could come into Tony’s based on their lurching gait. Some would nod solemnly when we denied them access, while others would whip themselves into deranged frenzies. They would scream their threats to the uncaring black sky, or demand to talk to the owners. These people pissed me off.

“You’re a good bouncer and everyone loves you, but the other staff have told me you have a tendency to go from zero to sixty pretty quick,” my other boss told me, during a performance review. She was the owner.

“We don’t think it’s a problem, but it’s something we want you to watch out for. Obviously this job can be stressful at times, so it’s up to you to keep your temper in check. It’s about customer service.”

Though there were plenty of threats of violence at Tony’s, it was rare that we actually had to put our hands on people. Most were cowed into submission by our size, and knew they had to play nice if they wanted continued access to the bar. We tried to kill them with kindness, calling them cabs and reassuring them that they’d be welcomed back once they sobered up. More than once I found myself consoling despondent drunks who were horrified by their own behaviour, going through a break-up, or grieving. Some were so confused and inebriated they didn’t know how to get home. I came to love these idiots, or at least most of them, because I considered them part of the Tony’s family.

The most interesting employee was a behemoth brute named Gordo, a holdover from the days of the Zoo, who looked exactly like a bearded Bobby Baccala. The female staff adored him because of his gentle, benevolent presence. He made people feel safe. He wasn’t a bouncer anymore because, like my boss, he’d gone overboard a few too many times. He lived downstairs and oversaw the daily operations, and was only called to help during emergencies. He was the type of guy you didn’t want to fuck with, ever. He loved Tony’s and everyone on staff intensely, and if violence was needed he was more than capable of dispensing it. I’d never met someone with such a fascinating mix of kindness and malevolence to his personality, and I admired how effectively he funnelled his anger in appropriate directions.

One night, during a slow period, he stood out on the street and regaled me with stories of his bouncing days in Toronto. During those years he’d been stabbed and shot multiple times, a fact he delivered with a shy chuckle.

“This one guy was shaking my hand, right? And with his other hand he stabbed me right here,” Gordo said, pointing to his rib cage.

“So I pulled him close to me and snapped his elbow backwards, just like this.”

Gordo recreated the scene with a smile on his face, demonstrating how the guy’s arm had bent the wrong way while the bones snapped and popped. He’d regained control of the situation while the knife was still plunged hilt-deep into his side. He laughed and wiped his eyes, remembering.

“I was a lot bigger back then, if you can imagine that. So the knife didn’t end up doing much damage. It didn’t hit anything significant. Meanwhile this guy’s a puddle on the ground in front of me, whimpering like a little girl.”

When I wasn’t on the door, I would work my way slowly through the lounge area and out to the back patio where people were allowed to smoke. There was a row of comfortable couches and a long counter where people could pull up stools and drink under the gaze of Elephant Mountain. At times I couldn’t believe I was being paid to socialize, and the dance floor playlist introduced me to a new favourite artist: a young Swedish woman named Tove Lo. If we’re talking body, she sang, You got a perfect one so put it on me. If you do me right, we’ll fuck for life, on and on and on.

Paisley had finally moved home to be with her parents, and her absence had proven to be a boon to my mental health. I still missed my dogs desperately but I was finally free to move on without her constant surveillance and gossip. I decided early on that I wouldn’t date anyone on staff, but there was no shortage of young women who would find excuses to linger by the door or stand outside smoking, sizing me up. Most nights I was still ending up at Natalya’s, where I would crawl into her bed and cap the night off with an early morning fuck in the dark. She’d leave her front door unlocked and we’d pant through our routine without speaking a word. She’d resigned herself to the fact I wasn’t interested in anything beyond that, and she never bothered me with small talk. We had what we had, and that was it.

The sleep deprivation involved with working at Tony’s ended up meaning that I spent most of my weekends asleep, recovering in Brendan’s basement and only leaving the house for necessities. Sunday was my only day off, and I needed that down time to get in the right headspace for the Star. I had a couple of ambitious series going on, including one about the Columbia River Treaty, and I needed my mental faculties operating properly to adequately approach these subjects. I could sense that Ed was growing tired of my rock star attitude and reluctance to put in a full 40-hour work week. I kept finding myself asking why I was still there, but I didn’t have another option available. Both jobs and housing were scarce in Nelson, and I was barely holding on.

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” I told my friend Tia one night. She worked at the Hume Hotel but had started her own business called Wurst Dog. We’d been discussing whether I could find some sort of entrepreneurial gig to transition to once I was finished with journalism.

“You just have to take a chance and jump, kid,” she said. “Then see where you land. I’m sure there’s all kinds of people in this town who would give you a job doing social media or something.”

“Or maybe I could be a full-time bouncer and write on the side? Finally finish my manuscript? I dunno.”

Tia smiled and mussed my hair.

“I believe in you,” she said. “You’ve got this.”

The Kootenay Goon

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grapehyasynth · 6 years ago

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Summer Secret -- Chapter 2

Read from the beginning here!

In the afternoon Fitz and the Simmonses and their guests sat outside for tea and biscuits and fresh fruit from the market stand just down the way. Jemma had spent most of the day since hide-and-seek in the excruciating limbo between wanting to act normal, which would mean being within a foot of Fitz at all times, and not feeling normal at all. She felt like a spotlight was following them about. Surely everyone else would notice how they kept glancing at each other, mouths open to start a conversation, then blushing and looking a way, falling over themselves to get distance that they couldn’t seem to maintain for more than a few minutes away before drifting inexorably back towards each other. In this way nothing had changed, it all was normal – except now proximity meant yearning to face what she’d felt in the closet and distance meant a steady ache of wanting to be closer.

Though truthfully, she now felt that ache even when he was right beside her.

The important thing, at this moment, was to maintain the charade. Yes, certainly, she became a little breathless when she saw the curve of Fitz’s neck into his shoulder as it disappeared beneath his collar, but they didn’t need to know that. Not now, when she hadn’t even had a chance to broach the subject with Fitz, and possibly not ever.

All this to say, Jemma was more than a bit flustered when she returned from the washroom to find all the chairs at the picnic table already occupied.

Fitz, of course, immediately registered the source of her distress and rose. “Oh—”

Some of the smaller cousins were already sharing chairs, so she couldn’t exactly ask them to budge up. Unfortunately, Uncle Robbie had had a similar idea.

“Why don’t you just sit on Fitz’s lap, Jemma?” he suggested, his jocular grin leaving no doubt that that seating situation would not be interpreted innocently.

“Oh, I don’t think—” Jemma spluttered. “I couldn’t—”

“I’ll just—” Fitz tried to step aside to offer her his chair and tripped over its legs, barely catching himself on the back of Jemma’s father’s chair.

“Robbie,” chided Jemma’s mother. “Leo and Jemma are just friends.”

“Best friends,” Jemma corrected, out of habit, only realizing when everyone started laughing that Fitz had same the same thing. She caught his eye and flushed, but her fingertips tingled at the way he looked back at her.

“What’s so funny?” Maisie squeaked from where she’d squished in between her brothers. Jemma dared everyone, with a glower, to answer the question.

“I’ll get another chair,” Fitz mumbled, and he hurried past her towards the house. Jemma considered following him – it’d be their first moment alone since the closet – but at this point it would look too obvious.

So she sunk into his abandoned seat and focused on keeping her mouth full of strawberries so no one could involve her in the conversation.

Throughout the teatime, Jemma watched Fitz furtively over the rim of her mug. He was as quiet as she was, so she couldn’t study him under the pretense of listening to his contributions to the rapid jokes and occasional arguments around them. He was moving the remains of his fruit around on his place with a fork, his fingers curled elegantly around the utensil. His tongue protruded slightly as he focused on drawing some pattern in the juices. Jemma could just see a dusting of biscuit crumbs at the corner of his mouth, just next to the inviting pink of his tongue. She wished he’d lick it away. Or better yet, maybe she—

He glanced up at her suddenly, tongue curling over his bottom lip and drawing it between his teeth, and she choked on her tea.

She was saved from further ruin by the sudden opening of the skies above them. Fitz had warned them that a Scottish summer was as unpredictable as an English one, and today the weather seemed determined to finally live up to its reputation.

The various members of the party laughed and screamed as the rain hit them. Amidst confused shouting, everyone gathered up the nearest items from the table and the cushions from the chairs and ran back to the house.

“Is that everything?” Jemma panted, shimmying a bit to get off the excess drops after she’d handed her dad the last dirty dishes.

“I think s—oh, where’s Maisie got to?” her mum sighed, glancing around and doing a quick headcount.

Jemma ran back into the downpour, but through the heavy grey sheets she could see Fitz ahead of her, jogging across the lawn. Maisie was spinning in a circle, heedless of the mud accumulating on her new shoes, head back as she beamed up at the sky. Fitz swooped her up and brought her back in.

“Silly Maisie, you can drown looking up in a thunderstorm,” Fitz scolded as he set the little girl down in the tiny back hallway. He knelt to help her off with her shoes and her sodden sweater.

“I think that’s turkeys,” Jemma chuckled. Fitz threw her a half-grin.

“Soon there’ll be puddles!” Maisie cried, and without the remotest segue she stomped away (as if already traipsing through the after-storm delights) between their legs towards the voices from the other rooms. “Puddles, puddles, puddles…”

Fitz straightened, wiping his hands on his jeans, still smiling. Jemma couldn’t help but mirror him. Without thinking, forgetting the burning electricity that had been making her a mess all day, she reached out to brush the droplets from his thin beard.

Fitz looked down at her hand and she froze. The air around them in the back hall was humid with the moisture and heat rising from their bodies; it felt thick and viscous and conductive. Fitz was still breathing quickly from nabbing Maisie, and his drenched t-shirt left very little un-imagined. The rain pounded on the patio past the still-open door, muffling the voices of the others in the house, nearly convincing Jemma they were alone.

She let her hand fall back without touching him. But Fitz, his gaze strangely intent, raised his own hand to her cheek, where he peeled away a sodden strand of hair that had become stuck to her skin and tucked it behind her ear. It was a bit silly, fixing that one tendril when she must look like Medusa, she thought, even as she felt his fingertips skate over her ear, even as she tipped towards him, even as she thought – no, she saw – he tipped towards her as well.

“Jemma! Fitz!” her dad called, a second before he rounded the doorframe. Jemma wasn’t totally able to stop her momentum, even as she tried to move past Fitz instead of into him, and her nose collided with his shoulder. “We’re to watch Teddy’s last recital before we crack out the board games, full attendance required. Your nose alright, dear?”

When they arrived in the living room, Fitz and Jemma (who was still holding a hand gingerly to her sore nose) found all the seats occupied.

“Here you are!” Uncle Robbie beamed, popping up off the middle cushion of the sofa and taking the arm instead. “You’re both rather petite, as it were, sure that’s enough space for you.”

Afraid to make yet another fuss and call attention to the situation, which prior to the closet would hardly have been an issue, Jemma squeezed into the proffered seat, making herself as small as possible, which wasn’t saying much as there wasn’t really any way to go about shrinking her hips or shoulders. Fitz hesitated before following her in. The cushion dipped beneath them, tipping their bodies towards each other so their thighs were flush.

Uncle Robbie looked happier than Christmas morning.

Jemma didn’t catch a moment of Teddy’s recital. She gazed fuzzily at the screen, recognizing that her cousin and other vague forms were moving about there, but every bit of her was oriented towards Fitz. She’d folded her arms, then clutched her hands in her lap, then clasped her knees. What did she normally do with her hands?? Ordinarily she’d have tucked her legs up underneath her, not caring if they spilled over a bit onto Fitz’s lap, but that somehow seemed too intimate of a sudden. She could feel Fitz’s leg trembling slightly and was tempted to lay a hand on it, to calm him, to soothe herself.

There was a flurry of excitement about ten minutes in, when Teddy had a solo (or so Jemma gathered, hazily), and as the rest of the family laughed and clapped and looked around at Teddy, Fitz cleared his throat and extended his arms across the back of the sofa. The brush of his fingers against her bare shoulder was electric, erotic, sinful – surely everyone could see her whole body reacting – she couldn’t look at him, not with his jawline that close, so she glanced down instead, just to be sure her, em, appreciation of his touch wasn’t showing through her shirt—

What was he thinking, honestly? Not that she minded, but if he felt as she did – and, since the charged moment just then in the hallway, she couldn’t deny that her fledgling hope had bloomed into a burning certainty that he did – he’d need to get on board with remaining covert around the others. They couldn’t start a romantic liaison during a viewing of a child’s recital – it was simply improper. Even if she was of half a mind to trace the back of his ankle with her toe.

Jemma drank well on several pints of water at dinner, just to be sure she had a proper excuse to keep getting up in the night. Each time, someone was still in the kitchen, or chatting in the dark of the living room by the stairs, or bumping into her in front of the loo. She’d hoped for the dampening cover of the rain on the roof, but that had petered out, and she could only rely on the silence and stillness of sleep to make her excursion.

She’d considered, several times, changing out of her pajamas. But then, it’d look weird, wouldn’t it, showing up in the middle of the night fully-dressed. Like a kidnapper, or something. Besides, if Fitz doesn’t find me attractive in my pajamas – I’ll just have to take them off.

What am I to say? she wondered, as she finally tiptoed up the stairs, listening for the barest stir from her sleeping family. ‘I like the feeling of every part of your body on every part of mine?’ Genuine Casanova, you are, Jemma Simmons.

She nearly banged her head on the low rafters of the tiny attic space. Maybe that’s why Fitz had seemed so responsive to her today: he’d clearly been concussed. She thought about turning around again, but a soft sleepy noise came from the cot at the end of the room and her heart dragged her towards it.

There was no window up here, so Jemma felt her way towards the cot until she tripped over it and fell onto her bum somewhere near Fitz’s knees. He gasped and jerked awake; Jemma fumbled for his face and, finding it (“Sorry!” she whispered as she poked his eye), pressed a hand over his mouth. His lips parted in surprise and she felt them brush over her palm, his breath cool on her tingling skin.

“It’s me,” she whispered. “I can’t turn on the light – everyone down below would see. And we can’t speak up either, or they’ll hear. This cottage is minuscule.”

She felt him nod slightly, and then his fingers found hers, loosening her hold and bringing their hands away from his lips. Her eyes could just see his outline, but it was still so dark that they kept close, hands on elbows and shoulders and hips as they tried to orient themselves to the other.

“Everything okay?” he asked, speaking at last, voice raspy and deep from sleep.

Jemma nodded, then remembered he might not pick up on that in the dark and instead squeezed his elbow and whispered, “Yes, completely okay. I just – I thought we should talk. Without the others barging in.”

“Right.” His thumb was tracing distractingly over her hip. “About the – about earlier?”

“Yes,” she breathed, then felt foolish and blushed, grateful for the lack of light. She’d wanted to be confident about this. “I know it’s – I know it’s silly, to presume that anything has changed – we’ve been friends for six years now, after all, why would it – now – and maybe it’s just the summer and Scotland and finally having a break from the endless work at SciOps—”

“I don’t think it’s just anything,” Fitz murmured.

“Nor do I,” Jemma whispered in relief. “I think it’s – it’s rather brilliant, actually.”

“You do?”

For the first time, Jemma recognized the nerves tingeing his voice. She could’ve laughed that he, of all people -- with his mind she wanted to climb into and his eyes she wanted to swim in and his arms she always knew would hold her – should be afraid of her rejection.

“Of course I do. You’re already the most important person in my life and I – well, if you don’t feel the same way you should just go back to sleep and pretend this has all been an odd dream, but I – I find I’ve gone from wanting to spend every waking moment with you to wanting to spend every waking moment snogging you and that’s bewildering and perhaps inappropriate but really quite lovely and—”

The dark didn’t hinder him from finding her. Before she could even work out where she was going next with her ramble, his hand was twined in her hair and his arm was around her back and he was kissing her, kissing her properly and fiercely, as she’d never even dreamed of being kissed.

( @nodestiel2 here’s your tag!)

#aosficnet2 #writing #thefitzsimmonsnetwork #aos #fitzsimmons #tfsn #fsfic #fs #fs tag #agents of shield #jemma simmons #leopold fitz #leo fitz #summer secret

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sosation · 3 years ago

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Volume is Power

The following is a transcript of my "Audio Liner Notes" for Volume is Power, the album I released earlier this year under the project titled Temporal Distortions.

The album can be purchased for free on my bandcamp here: https://temporaldistortions.bandcamp.com/

and it is available on all streaming services:

-https://open.spotify.com/album/3983Bepp9uxIv1pb9qaEwY?si=qWpTAozTS2ujMQ79R_FZZg&utm_source=copy-link

-https://music.apple.com/us/album/volume-is-power/1557283830?uo=4

and music videos are up on the Local Famous Records Youtube page: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRIjOlGfx0M

Volume is Power

Transcript of Audio Liner Notes and Recommended Readings

Hi. My name is Anthony Sosa and you have just listened to Volume is Power. I hope you enjoyed it. I began actively writing for this record in December of 2019. Some of the musical ideas were written in previous bands going back as far as 2009 and others were written after I had started working on the record. As you know, 2020 was an insane year. So, as you can imagine, it affected the writing and conception of what we were working on. When I began writing lyrics it was the middle of the democratic primaries for President. I was a Bernie Sanders volunteer. I wanted to talk about issues in the US and around the world. But then COVID happened and George Floyd happened, and I had to talk about those things as well--If anything, to document this moment in time. Honestly, those events backed up what I already wanted to say with this record: Our system is broken.

Sonically, Volume is Power has a lot of specific influences that influenced specific songs. For each track I tried to lean into whatever influences were present at the time and treat each piece almost as a genre study, though the genres span a narrow spectrum along the “rock” continuum. Time -- was, and will continue to be, an important aspect of the project. Temporal Distortions are happening all around us all the time. This record is essentially a series of distortions, or songs, that span, temporally, from the mid 1990’s to the late 2000’s. There are also audio clips from the 1950’s and 60’s as well as from this historic summer of 2020. Songs from my past still inspire me in the present to create an album for the future which is now here. Now, this album will exist in the past for me but for you this is your present. Maybe, if I did my job right, and you are so inclined, it will inspire you to create something in your future.

I had intended to make this album available for free everywhere, but youtube and bandcamp are the only platforms where I can achieve that. You can always email [email protected] and we will send you a free digital copy.

In this Audio Liner Notes track I intend to give credit to all of the amazing artists who helped me create this record. I am honored and privileged to know and have the pleasure of working with so many amazing people and to all of you thank you for giving me your time and energy. Chief among these is Dale Brunson, my colleague and compatriot. I met Dale in 2009 when he was playing in Werewolf Therewolf and I was playing in Housefire and The Raven Charter. We’ve been friends ever since and in 2012 we started a Top 40 cover band called Sweetmeat who is still together as of this recording. Dale mixed and co-produced this record with me and without his patience, insight and guidance this record would have been impossible. I definitely threw him some curveballs throughout this process and he has handled all of it graciously.

I, now, am going to give a track by track breakdown of the record but I am not trying to spend too much time explaining or discussing lyrics. Those are for you to interpret how you will. I’m not great at insinuation, anyway, so I’m sure you get the point. I’d rather discuss the people on the tracks and the musical influences behind them. So:

Track 1 is titled Our Streets and begins with the voice of Rod “Teddy” Smith whom I met on the streets of Fort Worth during the protests this May-July. Rod and I, as well as Defense Attorney Michael Campbell, Christopher Rose and my wife, Amber, started a non-profit organization in the wake of these protests called The Justice Reform League with the goal of advocating for evidence based socio-economic and criminal justice policies at the municipal, state and federal levels and to empower impacted communities through civic education. I, personally, believe that there needs to be more effort put toward educating our community on how local politics actually works, how it impacts us, and how we can get involved and change things. So that is what we are trying to do. I also feel that music, or art in general, can be an educator and is one of the reasons I was inspired to write this record.

In regards to the opening clip with Rod, I actually have hours of footage from weeks of protests in May and June but this clip stuck out to me particularly because it evokes Fort Worth and the particular sentiment I was wanting to express with this record. The piano was played by me, recorded here at my house. At the end of the track are protest chants from one of the larger protest-days this past summer here in Fort Worth. My wife, Amber, and I marched for about 3 weeks before actually beginning to organize. On those later days of the protests I started carrying a battery powered PA speaker on my back in a doggie backpack with a mic and using that for chants and to further project those giving speeches. The album cover is a photo by local photographer Zach Burns capturing me doing just that. Zach being another awesome person I met this past summer. Before I move on, the real first voice (and last) you hear on the album, and multiple times throughout, is of Jordan Buckly of Every Time I Die- my favorite band. Early in the pandemic I paid Jordan $30 on Cameo to say “Temporal Distortions” and to “purchase” a shitty riff idea. I didn’t use the riff, it was god awful like he said, but I made some clips of him because it made me smile.

Track 2 is Daring Bravely.

This song was intended to be a The Raven Charter song and was introduced to the band near the very end of our time together. For those who don’t know, The Raven Charter is the most serious project I have ever been a part of. It was the most important thing in my life for many years. I am not going to use this time to give a history lesson on TRC, though that would be fun. Go check out our stuff if you’re into Prog Rock. So this thing kicked around on my hard drive since 2015, I recorded multiple demos with guitar, bass and drums, over the years and finally settled on a bridge. I didn’t actually write the lyrics until I began working on this album proper in Dec of 2019.

I had the awesome pleasure of doing this song with my boys Daniel Baskind and Erik Stolpe of TRC. Daniel wrote a beautiful solo for this track. It was exactly the energy the song needed and also sounds quintessential Daniel. As I stated at the beginning, I was leaning into the genre for each track and the genre on this track was “Ravencharter” and Daniel nailed it. And Erik, I truly feel, did an amazing job in making this song more than it was. The orchestration and production aspects of his writing for this track are spot on. He really got the vibe I was going for and took it even further. It was great to get to work with both of them again to recreate some of that magic we used to make. The audio clips are from Dr. Brené Brown and her TED Talk “The Power of Vulnerability” from Jan 3, 2011. Funny story about that. When my wife Amber and I first saw Brené’s TED Talks we really enjoyed the concepts she covered. We both came away from watching those remembering the phrase “Daring Bravely,” which is why I named the song that. I like those two words together and the concept they elicit. However, when researching for these Liner Notes I discovered that all along she was saying “Daring Greatly.” She even has a book with that title. So, we’ve been saying it wrong the whole time. Regardless, I prefer “Daring Bravely” because it requires bravery and courage to dare greatly and have confidence and believe in yourself. So be brave. Dare Bravely.

Track 3 is titled Division of Labor.

What radicalized me? Working in the service industry and learning history. This song is essentially an amalgamation of that. The line in the bridge is an Oscar Wilde quote. This was just a rando idea on the guitar that I recorded into my phone on new year's day 2019. Musically, the main guitar riff seemed to me Every Time I Die influenced but when I put drums and bass to it it ended up sounding more like At the Drive In or something, to me. My demo leaned into that a lot more than the finished product. This song definitely ended up in a different place than when I started working on it which is always fun and surprising. Workers rights are very important to me and I tried to put that into this song.

Track 4 is Pay for your own Exploitation.

This is another relatively recent idea recorded into my phone on the acoustic in October 2019. I remember when I did it because my friend and fellow musician/producer Randall C. Bradley from Delta Sound Studios came over and before we could even really greet each other I had to stop and say “hold on I have to record this idea before I forget.” It kinda had an Aerosmith vibe to me when I put it all together in the demo process for the record. Like 90’s Aerosmith. I dunno. I guess really the 90’s are smeared all over this album. Another temporal distortion. And then from the bridge on it goes all ETID. The “sex organs of the machine world” line at the beginning of the song is a Marshall McLuhan quote. The bridge vocals “Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed,” I heard from Adolf Reed Jr. but I don’t know if he was quoting someone else.

I had the pleasure of working with Double Bear on this song - my Local Famous Records brethren. The gang vocals in the song are myself, Michael Garcia, Brandon Tyner, Garrett Bond, Matt Bardwell, Glenn Wallace, and Dale Brunson and we’re having a lot of fun, if you can’t tell. It makes me happy that we got to work together on this project and I imagine there will be more collabs down the road.

Track 5 is We Make the Past.

This song is essentially a Bush song, or was when I wrote it. Very Pixies influenced. Dale’s production took this a lot further than I imagined in the best way possible. I also showed up to the studio thinking my lyrics were finished but realized I was missing a second verse. The demo version was just like a minute and a half and I extrapolated the rest and got it wrong. Once that started I essentially re-wrote all the lyrics on the spot. The lyrics are meant to be scattered and random, like Gavin Rossdales’, though they come from a book by the late Hatian anthropologist and historian Michel-Rolp Trouillot. Bush was one of my favorite bands growing up in the mid-late 90’s and early oughts. I’ve always liked their raw energy and lyrical strangeness. (The same could be said for my love of The Mars Volta.) So this was my homage to Gavin, Nigel, Dave and Robin and shitty guitar playing. Also, I pronounced “His-tor-icity” wrong. I said histori-ocity and I don’t know why I didn't notice it until really late in the process. Same with “commodozation” instead of “commoditization” Oh well. Making up words is fun too.

Track 6 is Serve-Us Industry. This song was fun. It originally was going to be a new Huffer song. I had the pleasure of being a part of Huffer from 2015-2018 with Chea Cueavas and Jeremy Nelson, and we were working on a new album in 2017. Between Chea and myself we had about 10-13 ideas kicking around. This was one of the ones I had thrown out there. To me it had a Foo Fighters vibe, which makes sense because Chea and I were also playing in The Foo, our Foo Fighters cover band, a lot around that time. I just thought it would be fun to sing about all the mistakes that happen while working in the service industry and having to deal with customers. These lyrics made me laugh and sometimes that’s all you can do.

Track 7 is an interlude titled Employer vs Employee. This is a clip of David Griscom from the Michael Brooks Show episode 145 - Police & the ANC & We Need a Liberation Theology ft. William Shoki & Ronan Burtenshaw recorded on June 23, 2020. I really enjoy David and even though at the time of recording he has been living in Brooklyn for several years he has never forgotten Texas. His insight on economic issues and worker’s rights is immensely important. The underlying music on this track is just myself playing bass and guitar. A bass riff I had laying around for almost a decade.

The Michael Brooks Show has greatly impacted and influenced my life since I became a Patron in Dec of 2019. I wanted to take what was I learning from Michael, David and Matt and their guests and put it into music. Since Michael’s passing in July 2020, David and Matt Lech have gone on to create their own show Left Reckoning. Check them out for leftist theory and international news and analysis regarding the global left. As Americans, we all need a lot more international and historical perspectives.

Track 8 is titled Class Struggle.

This song was influenced by Silverchair's 1997 and 1999 albums Freakshow and Neon Ballroom. At least that’s kinda what I was going for tonally. The quote being shouted by Karl Marx from his Communist Manifesto, with a slight edit. In hindsight I probably should have use “their” instead of “his or her,” but it was an effort to use more inclusive language. I feel like most people hearing this will know that that was Marx, but if you don’t now you do. This track was originally written and proposed to Huffer as an idea in July 2017 but didn’t make it further than that. Dale plays the double stops in the middle of the song.

I suppose I should take this moment to say that this album is my first lyrical endeavor. I have written personal things in the past but never anything for any of the various bands and projects that I have been a part of, save one short lived hip-hop project back in 2010 I did with Aaron Anderson which was never released. So any idea that I “proposed” to any previous band was just music not lyrics. When trying to decide what to write lyrics about it became clear to me that politics and history was what I felt I needed to talk about. As a History teacher, and someone who studied history at the graduate level, I understand that not everyone learns history by reading historical monographs--but rather through pop-culture. So this is my contribution to pop-culture and I hope some people do learn some things by listening to this. And perhaps, then inspired to do some of their own research.

Track 9 is the Stoop Romans interlude.

These are 2 clips from two different performances of Shakespeare's Julius Caesar. The first is from the 1970 film and the second, I believe, is from the 1953 production. I got them from youtube and you ideally, got this for free, so hopefully no harm no foul. The piano is a repetition of the piano at the beginning of the album. And these clips, to me, summed up the sentiment of many in America in 2020.

That is another thing I want to take a moment to say. The creation of this record and the method of its release is a statement. I do not want to profit from this. That is not why I made it. I made it for the message and I want this message spread as much as possible and the best way to do that is to make it free. So it was a labor of love and I tried to reject the capitalistic game of “the hustle” that most musicians, and artists, are forced to play with their creations as much as possible. It is my gift to you and example that things can be done differently.

Track 10 is Imperialism get Fucking Bent.

Soooo I was reading a lot of Noam Chomsky at the time, what can I say. If you don’t know who that is look him up. He is an important intellectual whose perspectives on recent American history and economics are invaluable. This song was heavily influenced by ETID, though a lot more simple, and was written on the guitar in 2018.

Initially, when I began writing lyrics I wrote stuff about Magic the Gathering, of which I am an avid Commander player, at least before the pandemic. But the tone of the song didn’t match the lyrics so I scrapped them and started over. The clip in the middle of the song I got from the Congressional Dish Podcast hosted by Jen Briney, of who I am a Patron. She got it from the Senate Hearing: United States Strategy in Afghanistan, United States Senate Armed Services Committee, February 11, 2020. The two men speaking are Sen. Angus King (Maine) and Jack Keane: Chairman of the Institute for The Study of War who was appointed by John McCain when he was Chairman to the Congressional Committee on the National Defense Strategy.

If you want to know what congress is up to, which you should, then you should listen to that podcast, it is invaluable. The point of the clip is to demonstrate that these men acknowledge that we will be at war “indefinitely.” They said the quiet part out loud in an untelevised hearing of which at the end of they say essentially “let's not discuss this again publicly.” I’m not a journalist but this is me trying to do my part of getting this information out there. We, the American People, shouldn’t want “preventative war,” eternal war. IMO we should want no war unless all other options have been exhausted. Take those trillions of dollars of our money and give it back to us in the form of Medicare for All, a Green New Deal and free college. Then there will be plenty of money left over to rebuild our infrastructure and provide Universal Basic Income. I believe a healthy and educated populus is crucial to a democracy. We need that in America, desperately. And it would be a lot easier to pay for all of that if we weren’t in Somalia, Yemen, Libya, Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan and Pakistan. And that is just for drone strikes. The U.S. military currently operates in 40% of the world’s nations including most of Africa and Central Asia. Check out the Smithsonian Magazine website for info on this. And read Chomsky. Book Recommendations are at the end.

Track 11 is Ka’s Dance. This is a straight up Stephen King love song. He wrote all the words and it’s the 2nd, 5th, and 8th stanzas from Song of Susannah, the 6th book in the Dark Tower series. The clip is from the audiobook narrated by George Guidall (gwidell). This song was another one that was influenced by ETID. Energetically, it reminds me of Jefferson Colby--the band I was in with Matt and Danny Mabe from 2010-2013. Those two have absolutely influenced the way I play and view music, as well as their father Mark Mabe-who taught me how to play bass. Anyway, that is a story for another day, I hope to collaborate with them again in the future. The clip at the end is Captain Janeway and Chekote from Star Trek Voyager.

Track 12 is You Opened My Eyes. I had the honor and the privilege of working with 3 amazing artists on this song: Tornup, Chill, and Canyon Kafer. Christopher Hill, AKA Chill, and I have known each other for years via Dale Brunson and we briefly worked together on a collaborative musician lottery competition thing titled DIG back in 2017 that never happened. I have always wanted to record with him and had a lot of fun doing so. He is one of the best drummers I know and his pocket gave this song the life it needed. Torry Finley AKA Tornup and I met on the streets this past summer of 2020 during the protests and I heard him speak at the public speaking event we held at Trinity Park-- and he moved me. Eventually, we started talking music and I found out he is a fellow musician and bass player as well, I thought “I definitely want to collaborate with this dude.” Fortunately, this opportunity presented itself and, as I am sure you can tell, this song wouldn’t be what it is without him. He performed the first verse. Canyon performed the sick bass solo before the final chorus and I am truly humbled and grateful to have all of these guys on this album.

Track 13 is Fight the Hegemony. This is by far the heaviest track on the album and I essentially shout out some of my influences in the lyrics. Thrice, Glassjaw, and The Used, Dream Theater, Cohoeed and Cambria and other early-mid 2000’s bands still have a big influence on me. My friend and colleague Chris Musso performed the drums on this track. Chris and I played together in Silverlode in 2004 and in The Raven Charter from 2005-2008. We still play together in the aforementioned Sweetmeat, with Dale, and I am super happy to get another opportunity to collaborate together again. As I mentioned earlier, I volunteered and canvassed for Bernie Sanders during the Democratic Primaries in 2020 and the lyrics in this song were inspired by his movement. Now that I am writing these Liner Notes in early 2021 I want to take a moment to reiterate and clarify-- in the wake of the attempted insurrection on January 6th--this song is NOT aiming to inspire violence nor an overthrow of the system by using violence. It is crystal clear to me now how people can read into things and take what they will. These lyrics are about the Bernie Sanders movement. Period.

Track 14 is Simp for the System (Free Market Capitalism Love Song). This is another one of those songs that, musically, was originally written for Huffer, well the bass part anyway. Chea and Jeremy, both had written completely different stuff but I didn’t want to rip them off so I rewrote it and made it as emo as possible. Brand New, was the band I had in mind, circa Deja Entendu. The lyrics are a joke. I was laughing out loud when I wrote them. I had considered just making it instrumental because for the longest time I couldn’t think of any lyrics to go with it. I didn’t want to do “real” emo but I couldn't think of anything else. Then I was like “ well, often these emo songs were about a girl. What if the girl wasn’t a girl but a system that people simp for all the time?” Ta-da. It was actually Dale who suggested the “Hey girl…” rant in the bridge and I think he was onto something. I hope you thought it was as funny as I did.

Track 15 is Cold War Nostalgia. This song is the oldest one on the record and has gone through the most changes- creating nostalgia for me on multiple levels. I wrote the original version in 2009 for my band Housefire. That version was more upbeat and the main verse riff was a dotted 8th note delay melody...very 2009… and Housefire broke up before it was properly recorded. I really liked the song and re-worked it several times on my own over 7 or 8 years until Huffer began working on our new record. I rewrote the track again to be more “Huffer'' sounding by making the bass carry the melody in the verses rather than the guitar. I also slowed it down quite a bit and went for a more rough sound (thinking Refused-esque) rather than polished, uber-compressed late 2000’s scene music. Chea and Jeremy weren’t that into it, and honestly even with the changes it didn’t sound like Huffer so we dropped it. Then, I picked it up again when I started working on this record and tried to put some words to it, and it has now become this sprawling lengthy piece. The original version was a tad over the 3 minute mark and it is now close to 7.

Lyrics were difficult at first. But because the song, for me, was oozing with nostalgia it seemed like a good topic to start with. I had written a paper in my final semester of Grad school in 2018 for a transnational history class about the Cold War- my area of study for my history degree. That paper is my proudest academic achievement to date, titled “National Narratives in Post Cold War America and the Former U.S.S.R.'' and was about the stories we tell ourselves. The ones we tell ourselves at the interpersonal level and the ones our culture, society and leaders tell us at the macro level--and how the totalitarian can affect those stories. This looked at Nostalgia of the Cold War and how that nostalgia is different for the US and the former Soviet states. All the lyrics from this song are taken from that paper- particularly from certain quotes that I quoted throughout. The first verse, starting with “Nostalgia then…” is either Olga Shevchnko or Maya Nadkarni (both are cited) in 2013 from Kevin Platt’s article “Russian Empire of Post-Socialist Nostalgia and Soviet Retro at the New Wave Competition” published in the Russian Review issue 72 no 3. The second verses’ “Does human nature undergo a true change in the cauldron of totalitarian violence?” is from a book titled “Life and Fate” by Vassilli Grossman-- an epic novel about Stalin written in 1960 from someone who lived under him. The only reason it was published was because a friend of Grossman smuggled a copy out of the USSR into the west. One of the few published examples from that period of people questioning the totalitarian state from the inside.

I encourage anyone interested in the full paper to read it, it can be found on my Tumblr blog- Sosations Transmissions.

Now, you may notice that there is phenomenal guitar playing on this track. That is the work of my very good friend Glenn Wallace. Glenn is one of the best guitarists I know. He and I met back in 2004 via Daniel Baskind, Erik Stolpe and Chris Musso from Silverlode and The Raven Charter. The only time we have had the pleasure of playing, or sharing the stage together was in Housefire, so I was thrilled when he agreed to do this song. Glenn was our 3rd and final lead guitarist in the band before we broke up, (following Eddie Delgado and Dusty Brooks). There actually is a video on youtube of one show we played at The Boiler Room in Denton from mid-late 2009. Getting him on this track was something that I had been thinking about for a while but the opportunity finally arose when Glenn, Dale and myself, along with the Double Bear guys: Michael Garcia, Brandon Tyner, Garrett Bond and Matt Bardwell, as well as Erik Stolpe and the resourceful Tanner Hux, decided to start our own record label: Local Famous Records. Now that this relationship has solidified you can expect much more collaboration from all of us as well as more records like this one. Starting a record label with friends has been one of the most enriching experiences of my life and I highly recommend that you try it.

Track 16 is “Be ruthless with institutions, be kind to each other” - is the final track on the album and is a brief quote from the late Michael Brooks from his talk at Harvard University titled: “Michael Brooks MLK Jr. and Love and Power | Class Warfare | Harvard” from the Harvard College YDSA youtube page, recorded on Feb 1st. 2020. I had written a blog about Michael’s passing and how important he was to me personally and to the progressive movement in America today and in the world , and it can be read at the aforementioned Tumblr. I had set this clip aside to put on this record back in May or June of 2020 but after Michael’s passing in July it became clear to me that I would close the record with this sentiment. “Be ruthless with institutions, be kind to each other” is an affirmation I will carry with me for the rest of my life and I will proselytize this message wherever I go. Humans over entities. Always. “The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over all laws and institutions.” As far as the music for this track, it was just me pulling something out of my ass to go under the quote and I did it in one take, on an untuned shitty acoustic (for those familiar, the one from high school and college with the Albino squirrel sticker on it.) I recorded the guitar without any accompaniment into a handheld recording device and just got really lucky that it was an appropriate length. I was going for a Dashboard Confessional vibe and I think I got it.

So that is Volume is Power. Thank you to everyone who helped me create this thing and to those who supported me along the way. I am forever grateful.

Thank you to my wife, Amber, for without her this would not be possible. You are my superhero-bird-watcher, my anchor, my guiding light, my soulmate. Thank you for inspiring me to dare bravely.

Thank you to my parents for allowing me to follow my dreams and drop out of college to pursue a career in music. I know it didn’t make you happy at the time but you believed in me anyway. And thanks for not saying “I told you so” when I decided to go back to school 3 years later.

Thank you to my brother David for all the love and support over the years. For your artistic contribution on Daring Bravely. And for always having the courage to be you.

Thank you to Samantha, Lauren and Matt, for being so supportive all these years. I couldn’t ask for a better step-family.

Thank you to Dale for making this record happen, putting all the work into it that you did, and for putting up with my bullshit.

Thank you to every musician I have had the pleasure of playing with, on or off the stage.

Thank you to Aaron Anderson, Jason Dixon, Andrew Del Real and Anthony Davis for being the first band of dudes I got to do real shit with.

Thank you to the Silverlode/Solace Prime/ The Raven Charter guys: Daniel Baskind, Erik Stolpe, Brandon and Garrett Bond, Brian Christie, Chris Musso, Stephen Thacker, and Brandon Bailey. You guys are my brothers.

Thank you to the guys in Dreams Like Fire, who I only had a brief stint with in 2007 but learned so much from: Alan Mabe, Dathan Martin, Ryan Moody, and Kyle Istook.

Thank you to the Mabe Family for treating me like family and for--literally--teaching me how to rock: Mark Mabe, Matt Mabe, Danny Mabe, Chris Mabe and the beloved Terri Mabe.

Thank you to Chea and Jeremy from Huffer for bringing me into your lives and music. I am so glad we got to do what we did.

Thank you to Neal Todnem and Justin Jordan for being awesome roommates and apart of memories that I will always cherish and for our Tsegull Tsunami.

Thank you to Ben Napier for being a good friend, and at times mentor, and for asking me to be your Bogus “Green Day” cover band. I appreciate our time together.

Thank you to Ansley Dougherty, Nick Wittwer and Scott White for making our rage Against the Machine cover band a real thing, even if only for 2 practices. And to Scott for being my headbang partner at our The Foo and the Kombucha Mushroom people shows. And for trusting me to record some of your demos.

Thank you to Randall Bradley for being such a good friend. I value our talks and our jams and always look forward to hearing that you are in town from Argentina. Your perspective is unique and important.

Thank you to Cody Lee and the 27’s for involving me in your record and to Jaryth Webber for being a badass academic colleague, a badass musician, and for introducing me to Congressional Dish.

Thank you to Ben C Jones for the opportunity to work together on your music.

Thank you to Daniel Kunda for the opportunity to be apart of what you’re creating and for, at times, letting me be your sensei. Your future is bright.

Thank you to Chill, Torry Finley and Canyon Kafer for taking You Opened My Eyes above and beyond where I possibly ever could have. I hope we can do it more in the future.

Thank you to all my Local Famous brothers: Dale, Garrett, Michael, Brandon, Glenn, Matt, Erik and Tanner, for believing in this thing with me and making it a reality.

Thank you to Collin Porter for being a good friend and letting me bounce creative and political ideas off you. I truly value our conversations.

Thank you to Ryan Smith for always being a good friend and for our jammy jams.

Thank you to the bands that invited any of my bands on the road with them over the years--you guys helped make my dreams a reality: Matt and Mike LoCoco, and Danny Borja from Transit Method in Austin; Nick Barton, Trey Landis, and Justin Huggins from Sleepwalking Home in Tulsa, and Johnny Hawkins, Mark Vollelunga, and Daniel Oliver from San Antonio’s Nothingmore. The memories I have from those shows and trips are truly priceless and I am thankful to have those experiences to look back on.

Thank you to Dr. Johnny Stein, Dr. Joyce Goldberg, Dr. Christopher Morris, Dr. Patryk Babiracki, and Dr. Andrew Milson at the University of Texas at Arlington for greatly influencing my historical knowledge and thought that has influenced the making of this record.

Thank you to all co-founders of The Justice Reform League: Amber, Christopher Rose, Rod Smith, and Michael Campbell. And to Thomas Moore from no Sleep till Justice. I couldn’t ask for a better group of people to start a nonprofit with and I look forward to our future.

Thank you to Michael Brooks, Hank and John Green, Dr. Cornel West, Slavoj Žižek, Dr. Kevin Dunn, Dr. Richard Wolff, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Fred Hampton, Rita Starpattern and Edward Snowden for being my exemplars, always daring bravely and inspiring me to do the same.

And thank YOU for taking the time to listen to the songs, and this Audio Liner Notes track. If you are unfamiliar with any of the influences I have mentioned over the course of this I encourage you to go listen. And if those bands resonate with you, find out who influenced them- you’ll find more awesome music, more temporal distortions, if you will. I hope you find some inspiration to create your own work, whatever that may be, and to put it out into the world.

Dare Bravely. Salut.

Anthony Sosa

12-6-2020

(Updated 2-6-2021)

Recommended Readings

Global Punk by Kevin Dunn (2016)

The People’s History of the United States by Howard Zinn (1980)

Permanent Record by Edward Snowden (2019)

Silencing the Past: Power and the Production of History by Michel-Rolp Trouillot (2015)

Reason in History by Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel (1953)

The Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels (1848)

Welcome to the Desert of the Real by Slavoj Žižek (2002)

Humankind by Rutger Bregman (2020)

Utopia for Realists by Rutger Bregman (2017)

The Hawk and the Dove by Nicholas Thompson (2009)

Dark Age Ahead by Jane Jacobs (2005)

Tribe by Sebastian Junger (2016)

Give them an Argument: Logic for the Left by Ben Burgis (2019)

Against the Web by Michael Brooks (2020)

Capitalist Realism: Is There No Alternative? by Mark Fisher (2009)

The Upside of Down: Catastrophe, Creativity, and the Renewal of Civilization by Thomas Homer-Dixon(2006)

The Counterrevolution: How Our Government Went to War Against Its Own Citizens by Bernard E. Harcourt (2018)

Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson (2014)

Team Human by Douglas Rushkoff (2019)

On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons from the Twentieth Century: by Timothy Snyder (2017)3

Totalitarianism by Abbot Gleeson (1995)

Imperial Ambitions: Conversations on the Post 9/11 World by Noam Chomsky (2004)

Profit Over People by Noam Chomsky (1999)

How to Hide an Empire by Daniel Immerwahr (2019)

The Lucifer Principle by Howard Bloom (1995)

The Dark Tower Series by Stephen King (1977-2003)

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targetscopeyoink · 7 years ago

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Rules: Answer the questions you’re given, write 11 of your own and tag 11 people. Tagged by: @starscovrged ( aAAA BLESS <3 ) Tagging: @armigeraccelerator @lightdash @drexm-eater @regiialux @ofmechanic aND ANYONE ELSE IDk

(1.) Is there anything you dislike about the character(s) you play? OC or otherwise?

he’s too cute and it’s unfair but everything else?? nah I don’t. Prompto is pure pls give him the 40 minute long hug he deserves. or step on him. he’ll love both (’:

(2.) How many languages can you speak?

JUST ENGLISH Sorry... I know like a tiiiiny bit of german from school? and that’s it really

(3.) Where did you first go on vacation?

I went to Rhodes! and lemme tell you...... i ruined that holiday lmAO first my teddy lost his eye in the swimming pool, thena goat i had been feeding got savaged and then i lost my mom one night and literally spent the evening sat at the hotel bar crying into my juice like i was fuckin 50 and drownin my sorrows in beer aAAAHH WHAT A GOOD HOLIDAY

(4.) Do you have any potentially-unpopular opinions about your character or the fandom that they’re involved in?

I DON’T REALLY KNOW??? I uh tend not to get too deep into fandoms anymore tbh i’ve some bad experiences in some past ones over things like headcanons and shipping so these days I kinda ignore what the fandom does and do my own thing which also means I generally don’t talk about my headcanons and opinions unless it’s with someone privately. I have a few ‘unpopular’ ones, I guess. More like certain things I have noticed that I disagree with. for example I can recall one post talking about how Prompto isn’t wimpy and loves getting into battles which I completely disagree with?? I certainly don’t think he’s cowering and crying and hiding behind Noctis, but he does state multiple times in game that he doesn’t like killing things and how he prefers not to fight things. I can actually quote them like “It’s nice not to have to kill anything.” “These aren’t the nasties I like to fight” There was one added recently too where Noctis tells him that it’s either be or be killed SO YEAH I don’t think Prompto particularly enjoys fighting and killing things and considering how jumpy he is? to the point where Gladio describes him as panicky and constantly tells him to ‘stop bitching’ it’s safe to say that he’s pretty wimpy BUT LIKE THE IMPORTANT THING ABOUT HIM Isn’t him being weak or afraid, it’s that he’s brave enough to fight despite his fears?? Thats kinda why it meant so much to me when he got the weapon ‘Lionheart’ because that term??? REALLY DESCRIBES PROMPTO SO PERFECTLY he’s cowardly and he’s scared, he’s emotional and he’s messy but he’s still there despite that?? He’s fUCKING BRAVE and idk???? thats what I took from his character??? SHRUGS I MEAN ITS FINE IF PEOPLE DISAGREE YKNOW HAVE YOUR OWN OPINIONS AND INTERPRETATIONS I’D ACTUALLY BE REALLY INTERESTED TO READ THEM That’s just not how I see him??

(5.) How many kids would you like in the future? 0 is also an acceptable answer!

Nnnnnone. I did my time w/ children when i was a kid since my mom was a child minder.... I say as i consider a career in art teaching....... rip

(6.) Have you ever broken down into tears because of writing a roleplay scene?

I’m always crying over rps i’m the person who writes an emotional rp, cries, thinks i’m over it, then three days later i’ll remember it and start crying whilst i’m in class about it also i cry over everything prompto could say fuck in the right context and i’d be sobbing

(7.) Where did you first get started roleplaying?

On a Tails x Cream forum board when I was about 10??? it was wild and awful and i’m embarrassed lmao.

I’ve been rping on tumblr off and on since 2010 though-- so there’s that. before that I spent a lot of my time rping in private through MSN and Skype and AIM. I still prefer that these days with discord and Skype!

(8.) Quick! Make a list. FIVE FILMS TO SEE BEFORE YOU DIE.

1. Princess Mononoke 2. Blade Runner 3. Who Framed Roger Rabbit 4. A Silent Voice 5. aNNND A toss up between Grease and Dirty Dancing HONESTLY JUST MY FAVE FILMS

(9.) If we had to ask your friends to explain you in five words or less, how do you think that they’d describe you?

Probably ‘a nerd’ or ‘a meme’ or ‘really fucking gay’ or ‘thinks she’s cool but isn’t.’ or probably some obscure line from a sonic game like ‘I AM NOT WEAK’ or ‘trudat’. doN’T ASK MY FRIENDS WERE ALL JUST MEMES HERE

(10.) What is one of your life mottos that helps you get through each and every day?

FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT or that one tumblr text post that says ‘is it bad that my life plan is “improvise”’ i’m the person your parents warned you not to be friends w/ tbh

(11.) Do you feel comfortable writing NSFW themes? Prompto legitimately got off to Noctis strangling him whilst giving him a handjob. I think we’re chill here my dudes.

#✘ ┚ʀᴇᴍɪɴᴅs ᴍᴇ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴘɢ ɪ ᴜsᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴘʟᴀʏ!┎ 🌺 ( ooc )#( THANKS FOR TAGGING ME AAA )

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emmadutton1993 · 4 years ago

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Reiki Necklace Easy And Cheap Cool Ideas

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Reiki Symbol Heart

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Reiki Therapy Sydney

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#Reiki Necklace Easy And Cheap Cool Ideas #How Is Reiki Performed

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fuckyeahevanrwood · 7 years ago

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'Westworld' Star Evan Rachel Wood Talks "Evil" Dolores Twist, Season 2

[Warning: This story contains spoilers for the season one finale of HBO's Westworld.]

Before Westworld became the internet's favorite water-cooler conversation, its theories as thoroughly dissected as the livestock butchers working on their hosts (an admittedly lopsided comparison skewing in the web's favor), there was the original fan — and she's also the original host.

Evan Rachel Wood not only stars in Westworld as the deeply driven Dolores, but she's among the show's very first theorists, according to many of her colleagues, and even according to the actress herself.

"After work, I would just sit and think about the show and try to figure it out," she told The Hollywood Reporter during an interview Monday. "Out of my thousands of theories, I got a few right."

Wood can relate to the masses of Westworld fans who feverishly worked to piece the puzzle together all through the season, having done so herself while on set. And indeed, Wood managed to correctly guess a few major twists, including one that involved her own character. It's not just William (Jimmi Simpson) and the Man in Black (Ed Harris) who share an identity, as revealed in the season finale; Dolores and the mysterious villain Wyatt are one and the same as well — though to hear Wood tell it, there's very little Dolores left these days.

Read on for Wood's reflections on the finale, her thoughts on Wyatt's Dolores takeover, the intense pressure that comes with holding a gun against Anthony Hopkins' head, and the show's expansion into samurai territory and beyond, as well as several of her own theories about the second season.

For what it's worth, this interview is taking place right as I'm watching the finale for a third time. I paused before you started beating up Ed Harris.

I have watched it over 10 times. I can't stop. I'm obsessed. It's really good. It blew me away. It was better than I expected. When I read the script, it was one of the most beautiful pieces of writing I had ever had in my hands. I couldn't believe how good it was.

It's a very active episode for you. We learn a lot about Dolores. We learn that she's Wyatt, for instance. She kills Anthony Hopkins' character Robert Ford at the end. The list goes on. What was your first reaction when you read the script and learned the scope of Dolores' arc?

Well, I had my suspicions. It was hilarious. While we filmed the first season, we didn't know our character arcs. I would be instructed to be "dark and menacing" in weird moments. I thought nothing of it. I thought it was part of Dolores waking up. Then they introduced this looming character of Wyatt, and I kept asking people on the set: "Have we cast him yet? When is he going to show up? Who's playing him? Who's Wyatt?" I went and looked everywhere, turned over every stone, and came up with nothing — and then I realized I hadn't turned over mine. I looked everywhere else, and figured it had to be me. So I asked [co-creator Jonathan Nolan], and he laughed and walked away. It wasn't confirmed until the [finale], and I was so excited. I thought it was a genius move on their part. This whole season, she's been going through this Jekyll and Hyde thing. We've seen Wyatt poke his head out at multiple times. When she slashes Logan's [Ben Barnes] face, or during her last speech to Ed Harris; halfway through, her voice shifts and the eyes get darker. That's totally Wyatt.

What are some of the differences in how you approach the two characters of Dolores and Wyatt?

It's funny. I kind of had to play five different characters. There's Dolores the character; there's Dolores analysis, when they're able to talk to the characters in an office; there's straight analysis mode; then there's Wyatt; and then there's Dolores' subconscious. Dolores' subconscious, I didn't realize that's what it was when I was playing it. They just kind of instructed me on the vibe. I thought I would just play this like Ford. I would make my subconscious as close to Ford as I can. (Laughs.) Not that that's how it was supposed to be, but as an actor, that's just what I did!

When in doubt, pretend to be Anthony Hopkins.

Yeah! (Laughs.) When I did realize what I was doing, we changed the makeup slightly. The eyes are a little darker. We contoured my face more. We darkened my eyebrows a little bit. I just tried to channel the most badass cowboy that we possibly could. The first time we see in Teddy's [James Marsden] memory Dolores walking in slow motion, that was the first time I got to walk over kind of hunched over with this weird strut. Dolores walks the same way every time. It's always shoulders out, arms folded in front of my chest. To be able to change it and walk with purpose and strength as this beast was really fun. I lowered my voice a lot and I dropped the accent slightly. Little details here and there. I'm really excited for season two, because … it was sad for me when I watched the finale. I didn't realize that in a way, Dolores' character does get killed off.

That's how you view it? When Dolores achieves consciousness, she's committing to Wyatt?

Yes. The way I interpret it, when she finds the center of the maze and is talking to herself at the end, consciousness is a conversation with yourself. It represents to me that Dolores is fully conscious. When she realizes who she has to become and it becomes her choice, Ford has just gotten through telling her that the divine lives in our minds. She unlocks Wyatt and allows him to take over and Dolores disappears. So that was very bittersweet.

What was your take on finding out that you were pulling the trigger on Robert Ford and taking Anthony Hopkins' character out of the equation?

I felt terrible! I read [the finale] and didn't know it was coming. It was on the very last page. I threw the script down and walked away with my mouth open for a good hour. I just couldn't believe it. When I got to set the first time I saw Anthony after I read it, I walked up to him and said, "I am so sorry. I am so sorry I have to kill you!" And he went, "No, no, no. It's all right. It's beautiful! It's really beautiful!" (Laughs.) He forgave me. He saw the poetry in it. I will say that shooting that scene was one of the most nerve-racking things I have ever had to do, because we're using real guns. We're very safe with them and they're not loaded. But dear god, I had to hold a gun up against Anthony Hopkins' head and pull the trigger, and after every take, I would go, "Please god, do not let this be the time that something goes horribly wrong and I am responsible for killing Anthony Hopkins. I won't be able to handle that." (Laughs.) That was terrifying. It was horrible.

Dolores turns the gun on the crowd, and we see her through Teddy's eyes. He looks terrified, and you can understand why. He and Dolores are star-crossed lovers, but he's also Wyatt's sworn adversary. Teddy is looking at his great love and his great enemy in the same person. Did you sense that conflict in the character?

Yes. I think the question on a lot of people's minds is if they're now going to be enemies, or are they going to join forces? I think that's a good question. I did love filming that scene. I think I really surprised James with my delivery. In my first take, I came up behind him and just pulled him into me and whispered in his ear, and when they yelled cut, he was just like, "Jesus Christ, Evan! What the hell?" (Laughs.) I had been this sweet and innocent Dolores with him, and now here was this sultry, primal, evil thing. I think I made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up a bit.

This episode confirmed that William and the Man in Black are the same person. How did you first find out about this twist?

I didn't know that Jimmi had guessed early on, but I will say that in episode two, when Jimmi and I filmed our first scene together — and really, that was the day we met, when he picks up the can and hands it to me and looks into my eyes … that was really us meeting each other for the first time. I remember, since I'd already shot the pilot and I had done that same scene with Ed, when we did it in episode two, my first thought was, "Oh my God, wouldn't that be so upsetting if Jimmi's character was Ed? But that wouldn't make sense." And as the show went on … at one point I thought Jimmi might be a host. I kept making up these backstories, and then it was around episode seven where I started getting the feeling that that's where it was going. All we were told about our storyline was that it was a beautiful and tragic love story, so we knew we were heading toward destruction, and we were nervous about that. At one point I kept saying, "God, I really hope you're not the Man in Black. That's so sad. And I really don't want to have to kill you!" (Laughs.) So there was that. But it was amazing storytelling, so we were excited by it, and it made us want to make the love story that much more believable in an evil way, to break people's hearts more. But it turns out that we were probably the most heartbroken people watching [the finale] last night. We didn't realize we would be. Jimmi and I hopped on FaceTime right after we watched the finale, and both of our faces were wet, we had tears streaming down our faces. We both didn't think it would hurt this much. Jimmi said it so beautifully: "We spent so much time building them up. I had no idea it was going to hurt so much watching them fall." As actors, we worked on that relationship for a year together. We really kind of experienced Westworld more than anybody else. We were given these characters, we weren't told our narratives, we were sent out into the desert, and since we only found out what was going on episode by episode, we really got to live in the moment, and live in the shock of certain moments. So much of it felt very real. So we were so heartbroken last night, just because we realized Dolores and William will never be in love like that again. The experience meant so much to us, and I love what we did together. And the good thing about Westworld is we've established we can move forward and backward in time. Nobody's ever truly gone. So who knows what the story will be with young William and Dolores — if it's over or if it's done. Who knows?

Another major moment in the finale involves the reveal of what fans are calling "Samurai World." Are you practicing your sword training for season two?

I have no idea what's going to happen with that. One can only hope that I'm going to eventually have to start taking some classes and learn how to sword fight. The only thing I do know is that when I met with [co-creator Lisa Joy] and Jonah for the first time, I said, "This is great, because if there's any action on the show, I'm a black belt in Tae Kwon Do." And Lisa's eyebrows perked right up. She looked over at Jonah and said: "Mm! That might come in handy!" So I don't know. It did come in handy for when I [fought] Ed Harris. I got to set and asked how we were going to do this. Is he going to be in a pulley or in a rig? Jonah told me that I was just going to drag him. And I said, "You know I'm not really a robot, right? I'm not saying I can't drag him, but I might not be able to make it look cool." But we did it. That was just dead Ed Harris weight.

In interviews with some of your Westworld colleagues, you're often described as someone who was always trying to solve the mysteries of the show. It's interesting, considering the fandom around the show. There's this feverish appetite to puzzle out what's going to happen next. Do you relate to those fans?

So hard. It makes me so excited that other people are just as crazy about it as me, because I would get to set and somebody would say, "Good morning, Evan!" And I would say, "Oh my God, what if it's this." I would just jump in with a theory. After work, I would just sit and think about the show and try to figure it out. I questioned the Man in Black theory in episode two, but didn't pick it up again until later in the season. I didn't know Bernard was going to be a host. I did, however, guess he was going to be Arnold, and I kind of guessed that I was Wyatt. Out of my thousands of theories, I got a few right! But I did get surprised a few times.

What are some of your biggest questions heading into season two, then?

Well, the only thing I know is that we'll see a very different side of Dolores, and that Wyatt has fully taken over. If I can speak just in theories now, literally basing this off of nothing — these are Evan Rachel Wood's theories and I'm taking no clues or cues, only what's coming out of my brain.

Fair enough. You're the original theorist, we're just following your lead.

I'm hoping that over the years, I'll get to play many, many different characters. That would be my hope. I think that's a lot of the actors' hopes, the ones who are playing hosts at least. Technically, we could be anybody or anything. That leaves the possibilities wide open. I'm really excited to see the many incarnations of Dolores, if that is in fact true; I really don't know. I really want to know where Westworld is. They have not told us, or at least they did not tell me. I do have theories! (Laughs.) But I really want that question answered. And I'm curious to see what the other worlds are, aside from the one we saw in the finale. I don't think they will be the same as the film, obviously. There are endless possibilities there. I'm curious to see how they keep playing with the timelines, and if we'll remain in the past, present, future, all in one. And I want to know what's going to happen if and when Maeve finds her daughter — and if it's still her daughter, or if her daughter has turned into someone else.

Hopefully it won't require too much arm-twisting to get Dolores and Maeve in a scene together.

I'm really looking forward to that. I only got one scene with Thandie, and that was a real bummer. I think she's just incredible. I would certainly look forward to this newfound Dolores and newfound Maeve either joining forces or going toe to toe.

#evan rachel wood #articles #the hollywood reporter #Interviews #westworld #westworld season 2 #article #interview #articles 2017 #interviews 2017 #westworld spoilers

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mesaprotector · 7 years ago

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Completed NDRV3/Danganronpa V3! Going to ramble on for a few many paragraphs under the cut (spoilers for the whole franchise, obviously).

Overall I really, really liked this game. It made me really mad at times, some of which was the controls (first time playing the game myself vs. watching a no-commentary subbed playthrough - side note, I think the second is just as immersive). The ending, as for the last two main-line games, blew my mind. The only thing that makes me sad is that there most likely won’t be another.

Characters

Going to have to think about it, but I think I like the cast as much as I did that of DR1 and SDR2. Going to go in death order on my feelings (it’s easiest to remember).

Rantaro: Will have to watch his free-time events to decide more, since the past two games each had characters dying in the first chapter (Mukuro, the Imposter) who were really cool once you learned more about them. Despite being the SHSL Survivor he felt a bit bland. Moving on.

Kaede: Oh god where do I start. I’ve written two whole posts (one last week, one way back in April) about how much I fucking love this girl. How goddamn brave, charismatic, and honorable she was. I’ve heard that some people wish Shuichi had been the one to sacrifice himself instead of her, or that her case had come later, and while I with all my heart would have loved having more Kaede, the way things happened was the only way that would have made narrative sense. Monokuma’s always had the hardest time, in every single killing game, getting someone to commit the first murder. Hell, even Korekiyo and Kokichi didn’t try to kill anyone though they could have escaped scot-free; that’s a testament to Kaede’s leadership ability. Rest in fucking peace, girl.

Hoshi: Really like him. Thankful that the little dwarf guy was a really cool, stoic character and a good person, and man was his motive video sad. I know what it’s like to have nobody you really care about (not now, thankfully, but in the past).

Kirumi: Not sure how I really feel about her. The whole “prime minister of Japan” thing felt contrived (yes, I know I’m not questioning the whole “robot teddy murder bear” and all the other crazy shit that this franchise pulls, but still). She’s supposed to be sympathetic but I don’t find myself having a lot of sympathy for her. Out of all the characters I’m probably least interested in playing her free time events. Mind, I don’t hate her.

Angie: It’s hard to tell with her if she’s just a selfish, manipulative person who used the circumstances of the killing game to give herself more power, or if she genuinely cared about her friends’ lives in her own ditzy, overly pious way. Her behavior in the second trial and trying to throw Himiko under the bus would point to the first one, but I’ll watch her free-time events to decide more. Not one of my favorite characters though.

Tenko: I ended up really, really liking her after the demo made me think she’d only be annoying, and spent more time with her than anyone else in the first two chapters. Her (initially) one-sided obsession with Himiko is better for me than Touko’s fixation on Byakuya, or Kazuichi’s on Sonia, because she actually goes out of her way to genuinely help her friend! And she dies because of it. One of my favorite characters despite her early death (man, is this getting to be a theme in this game).

Korekiyo: Okay, so... I’ll get this out of the way: I like Korekiyo. Yes, he’s a delusionally evil, twisted person who killed one of my favorite characters in Tenko. He has a really neat design though, and a really neat specialty that makes him one of the coolest characters to talk with in the series. He’s un-self-consciously a romantic (in the literary meaning of the word) which is rare in fiction and something I really appreciate. I wish he’d had a slightly different motive for his murder scheme - even something on the level of Celes’s banal evil would have been preferable - in part because part of the fun of the killing game is that the participants aren’t used to killing. Anyway, awful person, really cool character. Moving on.

Miu: This human disaster was one of my favorite characters early on, though she drifted down the list when she never ended up showing much depth. In the fourth trial I found myself wishing they’d touched on her reason for specifically targeting Kokichi in her plan, since she should have known he wouldn’t be an easy target - maybe I just want her to have had some altruistic reason, what with him seeming so evil? Anyway. Might watch her free-time events but I’m guessing they’re mostly her trying to get Kaede or Shuichi into BDSM.

Gonta: Sweet, naive, adorable relationship with Himiko that ended way too soon, surprisingly sharp at times but again, naive. Not much else to say about him.

Kokichi: I wrote a long paragraph about him in a post a few days ago - a very interesting villain and character, even if he’s not necessarily completely evil. He made me so damn mad from the end of the fourth trial until he’s cleared in the fifth one - laughing at Gonta’s death is a good way to do that though I guess. I see him as a foil to Nagito - Nagito cared a lot about his fellow students and that motivation led him to throw them all under the bus. Kokichi is only self-interested (at least in the simplest possible interpretation) but that motivation led him to nearly save them all. I don’t like him quite as much in part because I relate to Nagito’s morality in a very strange personal way - but he’s still really interesting, especially as a wannabe mastermind who feels safer being hated than being real.

Kaito: I goddamn love the guy. After Kaede’s gone he’s the heart of this group - charismatic, stubborn, illogical, and trusting unconditionally in his friends even after it screws him over. He’s also hilarious in the lengths he goes to just to be lazier. You’ve got Maki doing sit-ups at mach speed, Shuichi struggling just to get to ten, and Kaito staring up at the stars rambling about how great space is. I regret not finishing his free-time events, even it was in favor of Maki’s.

Tsugumi: I don’t even know what to say. Pre-sixth trial she was a somewhat bland but very likable character with a funny habit of calling the others out on their more ridiculous quirks. Afterwards she’s just the mastermind who I can’t even really pin down as having a personality (like the real Junko or Monaca had). Then again, the nature of this game makes her role less important. Like with Korekiyo, I think I have to evaluate her as two separate things for it to make sense.

K1-B0: I can’t say I was that crazy about our morally upright, easily-offended robot, but I definitely didn’t dislike him. (Her? They?) A little bland and the scene with him and Miu in the lab weirded me out. Maybe that’s just what happens when you spend too much time around Miu.

Maki: Now to the survivors. Yeah, she’s something of a Kyouko expy (there are worse characters to resemble), and her plot line and character development isn’t as subtle as it could be, but I still like her. She gets unfairly criticized for being overly violent and impetuous when the only person she was trying to kill was the mastermind (like Kaede); as much as I love Kaito’s optimism, her “less talk, more action” realism very much has its place. I’d want someone like her around in any killing game I got involved in.

Himiko: I’m fairly sure that if there’s anything absolutely every Danganronpa fan agrees on it’s that Himiko is fucking adorable. I honestly didn’t like her very much early on when she’s just being lazy, insisting magic is real, and ignoring Tenko. Then she loses the two people who she was closest to, decides to become a more energetic, honest person, loses another good friend in Gonta, and somehow, at the end of it all, is the most positive person to survive. I was one free-time period short of finishing her events, but she’s an amazing friend. Her dialogue in the second half of the game makes it clear how many funny observations she makes that she’s just not used to sharing with anybody. I wish her so, so much luck in her post-fiction life.

Shuichi: So... Shuichi is pretty bland. He’s the “worst” protagonist in the series, though that’s with only Kaede (amazing), Komaru (great), Naegi (good), and Hajime (good) to compare to. It’s because he’s bland that I ended up thinking more about the group and the overall outcome of the game, than just about my favorite characters surviving (had Kaede been alive near the end I probably wouldn’t have slept for days). So maybe that was intentional. Still, I wish he’d changed a bit more, and had figured out earlier on that solving trials wasn’t always a good thing. I’m not sure he even really learned that lesson. Despite all this, he would have been an okay side character and is okay as a protagonist - just no more than that.

The Ending

I don’t know what overall feeling is towards the ending, but I think nobody can say they expected it. I’ve played a couple of other games that focus on the player or audience forcing the characters to participate against their will (Save the Date! is amazing if you have a couple of hours), though there’s some weirdness in this version since the way I understood it... they had real people who voluntarily chose to have their memories erased to participate in a killing game in which people actually die. Which would be less about the moral responsibility of the player and more about what the self is. Do you have any right to choose what a person in your body, but with different memories and personality - will do? Danganronpa V3 takes the side of “no - this person is not you” and Tsumugi doesn’t even try to argue against that point.

The series always had a lot of social commentary (more in the first game than in the second, especially if you watch Monokuma Theatre over again), and that becomes even more true in this installment. So... did I “like” the ending? You can interpret the ending as saying you aren’t supposed to like it. It met my expectations in being mind-blowing and pretty coherent, but I wouldn’t say it made me as happy as with the endings to the first two games. Still, the epilogue with Maki, Himiko and Shuichi staring out at clearest blue as a beautiful track plays - that came pretty close.

Aesthetics

Speaking of which, the soundtrack. I really liked... what is it, “Living in a Lazy Parallel World” that comes up often when plot twists are starting to happen? (Kinda like the memetic “New World Order” though that track is mostly for positive developments rather than negative ones.)

There was also a cool track with a voiceover in English that came up whenever the Monokubs showed up. (To go on a tangent, I ended up actually liking them for the most part. Helped that the most annoying one got killed off first.) YOU’RE ON THE THRESHOLD OF AN AMAZING ADVENTURE -

Now, the art. I appreciated the game returning to a more claustrophobic closed environment like that of the first game (though nothing beats DR1 in atmosphere), and the design of many of the rooms, like Korekiyo’s, made me want to actually visit. I felt there were far more drawn cutscene panels than in previous games, which I definitely didn’t mind.

Gameplay

I lied; I won’t talk that much about gameplay except to say the last Mass Panic debate with Keebo was actually impossible until I figured out you could access the casino from the menu. Also, the A and S keys switched around a lot but I dealt with it.

I didn’t figure out how to use the Love Key, but maybe it’s for some bonus mode after the game. In one save I tried giving it to Maki (the only person I had five fragments with) and she really liked it but nothing happened.

Tl;dr

I’ll have to think about how I end up feeling about the ending, but for now I’m putting this game a few notches below DR1, and a smidge above SDR2. At the very least it’s the main reason I’ve gotten four hours of sleep per night this whole WEEK. I have no idea how I’m still standing up. Maybe it’s the power of rejecting both hope and despair~

#ndrv3 review #well not really review i just talk a lot #danganronpa v3 #danganronpa #ndrv3 #dangit grandpa

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vikab · 8 years ago

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p5 thoughts

After having drawn so much fanart of p5 (most of it being Yusuke) before the game even came out, even with my hype when I started playing on the release date, I only FINALLY finished persona 5 OTL

Below will be my mini-review and thoughts on the game?? spoilers are gonna here on the entire game

Total playtime - 87 hours 40 minutes

OK this is gonna be disorganized mess but i will try to be .. not messy Story: The story unfortunately was very weak :( Like the game had an AMAZING start and it was tackling really important issues. I really started to care about Ryuji and Ann and their goals. Then Yusuke joins and I thought the game was just heading in perfect direction. Then I felt off during Kaneshiro’s arc as Makoto did not really feel .. really into the whole PT thing?? sorry Makoto fans i love her but she felt rly overrated... anyway Futaba’s arc no doubt was my favorite but then the game really started falling apart. like lets not talk about the whole series of events that were Morgana leaving the team that was straight up BAD. the pacing picked up a bit for the Casino dungeon and it was really intense then its Shido and thing kinda... fell back into this weird pacing ... Ah yes, let’s just wait 20 days to see if Shido has a change of heart or we die. After that the pacing was still all over the place then the huge plottwist happens. I knew about it but still liked it! The last arc had on point emotions and feels so it felt like a good ending to the game. SEVERE PACING ISSUES KILL THE GAME FOR ME THOUGH. I get that they still wanted the calendar system but honestly i dont think it worked any huge favors for the game . .. anyway yeah the game started amazing then dropped close to death then picked up again but not as good as the beginning Characters: I have not managed to finish a lot of confidants so near the end the parts where confidants help out it was .. very lacking lol .. . if that part wasnt so depended on the confidants that you have finished.... But overall the characters were good. Pacing of the story and the story itself did not do any justice to them I think and it feels bad bc everyone had so much potential but having a big cast it was obvious that not everyone was getting the attention they deserved Ryuji - good bro and I loved him but the middle part of the game and the constant “we gotta get the girls!” moments were so . . ugh ... confidant rank and beginning of game ryuji was absolute best though Ann - same goes for her as with ryuji that the beginning of the game was best characterization moment for her. I liked her a lot and she’s pretty bro for female heroine! but the constant fanservice kills me guys Morgana - boy did i dislike morgana for the most of the game. he really felt like teddie 2.0 at times and i just did not have a lot motivation to like him. Last arc of the game tho?? i love morgana??? i wanna cry tbh those parts near the end really resonated with me so my final verdict is that i like morgana a lot now Yusuke - I LOVE THIS BOY. while i get the beef that people have with his recruitment arc (the whole nude modeling thing) I thought it was ok since my interpretation is that he was just pissed and really needed that inspiration he found in ann but idk. otherwise his arc was good but goddamn fuck you atlus for continuously treating him like a weirdo?? PT is supposed to be a gang of misfits and yet even the teammates keep treating him like a weirdo. . that was just really bad like come on let me kiss yusuke and feed him. also will never forgive atlus for not letting yusuke move into leblanc. He’s a very good character and very level-headed so i love him sm. he has really great moments Makoto - I liked her a lot! i do think she’s a bit overrated and that she doesn’t fit well with PT but I think that’s just the issue with Atlus pacing of the story, because her issues during her recruitment were really good (as in i did feel like she would fit into PT well) Futaba - I LOVE THIS GIRL!! I played with jpn dub which I think does much better justice to her characterization. Her entire arc was so so good and I felt like she was a really solid character going through growth. her confidant was very very good. She has a lot of funny moments and I love her antics with Yusuke. they are the blessed characters of this game. too good for this game. Haru - love her too!!!! she was so nice and sweet but damn atlus did not do her justice at all. she is the “last” party member to join and it is so sad she does not get a lof interaction with PT. like I wish PT interacted with her somehow throughout the game before she joins, be it like help her out sometimes or something bc they go to same school so when she joins later the team dynamic can easily accept her. Goro - we dont talk about goro jk but honestly he was handled bad. his link was automatic and I get why but his initial personality just makes me hate him a lot. he was cool as a party member but not for long. I expect him to appear in spinoffs bc wtf was that ending for him goddamn atlus. i like a lot his potential as a character but everything else? hate Sae was for me quite funny during the interrogation (when you start the confidant parts) but after her casino her involvement in the story I really ended up liking Sae. she’s good Also gonna mention Sojiro bc i love that coffee dad. His dynamic with Futaba and protagonist was extremely good!!! such a solid family. I loved that he finds out the truth and how he handled it. love u sojiro Speaking of protagonist, I really really really wish atlus would ease up on the “silent protagonist” a bit more. for a game as huge as this, the silence does not do justice to the protagonist. idk i just wish there would have been a bit more voice to him and solid characterization other than some off-hand comments that imply the underlying personality. i get the whole “self-insert” part but it sucks stop putting it in games Overall character summary: pacing sucked so characterization suffered a lot. a lot of characters don’t get their time to shine and while I love them a lot it really sucks to see how they were treated. Pacing ruined a lot of things including team dynamic. Palaces: (in chronological order) Kamoshida/Castle - IT SUCKED I HATE IT. being the first freaking dungeon it sure was extremely hard and damn long. also not knowing about the calling car system really hurt lmao. i just hate this dungeon and i got stuck there a lot too Madarame/Art Museum - THE BEST ONE! Honestly I think it is the only palace that really did feel like a heist! It is a very beautiful palace and im probably also biased bc its Yusuke’s arc but this palace was legit fun to get through. Kaneshiro/Bank - it was ok, good music. i don’t really feel much for it and I was just mostly annoyed how long the vault part was. Futaba/Pyramid - I loved it a lot too! 10/10 music I had a lot of annoyances with coffin shadows and the puzzles for a bit but overall the music and aesthetics really made the palace work well with the story Okumura/Spaceship - we don’t talk about the “lunch break” parts.... overall it was ok and I liked its aesthetic. also the implications about the workers there was good sad material. Sae/Casino - 10/10 music. overall i disliked it a lot bc some of the parts really dragged and I hated gambling in there to progress. Shido/Ship - 10/10 music. overall i liked it / it was ok. the mouse mechanic was a bit fun, the last part being ... 3 boss fights in a row without saving was sure something. 10/10 creepy outside aesthetic of sunken city. Mementos Depths - not to be confused w/ p3/4 style dungeon we know as mementos (which were pretty much mindless fun to progress thru), the depths was ... so good. mostly for the creepy aesthetic 10/10 would suffer again. the music track Freedom and Security, that plays during goro’s bad end credits, plays as the theme for this dungeon and jeez did it make me feel so emo. the parts where you can talk to locked up people who are apathetic to the world just gave me depression and i loved it.. . i didnt really like the later part of it (when tokyo merges with mementos) To rank the palaces overall its: Art museum > Mementos Depths > Pyramid >> Ruse Cruise > Spaceship > Casino > Bank >>>>>> Castle Gameplay mechanics were very solid and fun. Movement a bit could be clunky (or that’s what i felt like) and stealth mechanic in dungeons was ok. The gameplay has A LOT of attention to detail and i appreciated it a lot. UI was cluttered but it worked and was quite Aesthetic. I think the game would have benefited if the stats weren’t so important to the social aspect or if the calendar system was revamped. Final boss imo was not as bad as P4 but still ... sucked. P3′s final boss fight is still ultimately my favorite. P5 comes close but once again, pacing issues. Protagonist summoning freaking Satanael was cool af though. Honestly my big issue with P5 was the PACING that made the story and characters suck a lot of times but overall the game was extremely solid and memorable. Of the persona entries i played i think P5 is special so I can’t really rank it. I am really attached to the game despite its heavy flaws that kill me. P3 and P2 are still quite my favorites but P5 is like really close to them so I guess it’s a fave too i love those phantom thieves

#vika talks about video games

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jeremystrele · 7 years ago

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Alice Mere · Costumier, The Australian Ballet

Dream Job

by Elle Murrell

Things I learned going BTS at The Australian Ballet: #1: Tutu’s are stored upside down. #2 they’re surprisingly weighty. Photo – Caitlin Mills for The Design Files.

Alice Mere (right) works her dream job as Costumier at The Australian Ballet. She’s pictured here with her colleagues Cutters Ruth (left) working on a tutu for the forthcoming The Sleeping Beauty, and Etai (centre) crafting belts for Spartacus. Photo – Caitlin Mills for The Design Files.

The 32-year-old studied an Advanced Diploma of Fashion Design and Technology at TAFE in Adelaide before graduating from Fine Arts -Production (Design Realisation) from Victorian College of the Arts in 2016. Photo – Caitlin Mills for The Design Files.

Since she was a young girl, Alice has loved to make costumes, in particular, period and historical designs. Photo – Caitlin Mills for The Design Files.

The Australian Ballet Production Department’s fabric dyeing supplies, with testing ballet slippers alongside a headpiece from a past performance. Photo – Caitlin Mills for The Design Files.

History-buff Alice also did ballet when she was a young, but gave it up just before graduating to her pointe shoes! Photo – Caitlin Mills for The Design Files.

Alice and her colleagues have just started on costumes for Spartacus, which is a new show opening in September. Photo – Caitlin Mills for The Design Files.

Around half of Alice’s making is done by hand, the rest by sewing machine. Photo – Caitlin Mills for The Design Files.

Racks of tutus. ‘I’ve worked on them but I haven’t made one from scratch yet… it is something I definitely want to learn how to do because it is ‘the ultimate costume’ – very special, not something you wear anywhere else,’ tells Alice. Photo – Caitlin Mills for The Design Files.

Working on part of a leotard for Spartacus. Photo – Caitlin Mills for The Design Files.

When you walk into the Production Department of The Australian Ballet on Melbourne’s Southbank, clouds of upturned tutus and bejewelled bodices grab your attention. But then, you notice how quiet it is. Every wall of the open-plan floor is lined with racks of ornate costumes or rolls of materials, and these encircle row upon row of cutting and sewing tables. Yet, within this brightly lit, bustling workplace, there is a pervading sense of calm productivity.

This dichotomy begins to make sense when I meet softly-spoken ‘Costumier’ Alice Mere, and a number of the ‘Cutter’ colleagues with whom she works closely. Sewing awe-inspiring garments for our national ballet, they all verify, is one of the most pleasant and rewarding ways to spend your day.

The 32-year-old has been doing this for the past eight months. Twenty-seven years prior, you would have found her making tutus for her teddy bears, period costumes for Barbie dolls, or fashioning a particularly memorable mermaid’s tail from a pair of old leggings!

In-between all of that, Alice completed an Advanced Diploma Fashion Design and Technology, took time out to explore the world (including a two-year stint living in London), graduated from VCA with a degree in Fine Arts – Production, and even ran away with Circus Oz (…well, kinda).

The dedicated costumier interrupted some Spartacus leotard sewing to chart the inspiring pathway that’s lead her to The Ballet.

The most important verb in the get-your-dream-job lexicon is…

You have to work hard. You also need to have enthusiasm and just put yourself out there and see what happens.

I landed this job by…

I lived in a small South Australian town called Port Lincoln until I was 14 and then we moved to Adelaide. My mum was very crafty – she sewed our clothes, knitted, and all of those kinds of things. So, from as early as I can remember, I was always sewing scraps of her offcuts together.

In my early 20s, I studied Fashion Design and Technology at TAFE in Adelaide (2005-2008), which was a practical, three-year-long Advanced Diploma. In our final year, I took work experience at the State Theatre Company, and for the first time, I realised I wanted to work with costumes rather than in fashion. In my fashion-focused course, we started with the price-point and worked backward, often using the same patterns and tweaking them. Costume-making felt more creative to me, and you would never know what you were going to get to do next.

After TAFE, I just wasn’t sure how to get into it costume design, so I kind of forgot about it for a while. I have a seven-year-gap between my studies, where I travelled and supported myself with different hospitality jobs.

When I came back and moved to Melbourne a friend recommended that I look at courses at the Victorian College of the Arts and, AMAZINGLY, I got in! For Fine Arts -Production (Design Realisation) the application was a folio application, two interviews and a group interview, so that was full on! For the folio, you could choose between three plays and then you had to design costumes or set or props and do a presentation. I chose Cloud 9, and I designed all of the costumes for the entire play. Afterward, I realised that they only really expected you to do one!

The course was, again, mostly practical, and we learned how to design and make costume/sets/props, predominantly for theatre and dance. I did an internship with Circus Oz, almost full-time for five weeks. It was really interesting and the functionality was very different to what I had done before. For example, the trapeze had to have part of the neck covered, other costumes needed a little pocket with some protective foam over the spine, and you couldn’t have anything that may catch with a lot of people twisting around one another!

After graduating from the VCA in 2016, I was freelancing as a Costume Maker for about six months, taking work with the Melbourne Theatre Company, Circus Oz, and a few days at the Victorian Opera – mostly gained through word-of-mouth recommendations. I sort of assumed I’d be freelance for a long time, as there aren’t that many full-time jobs around for makers. But I sent out my CV to the companies I really wanted to work for on a permanent basis –The Australian Ballet, The Melbourne Theatre Company, and ABC – anyway. I tried not think about doing this too much; my email wasn’t very formal or long-winded, more like: “This is my CV. If you need a hand please give me a call.”. I just got it out there.

Months went by and then out of the blue I got an email asking if I was available to work on The Australian Ballet’s Alice in Wonderland for a few months. I was surprised and so excited. It was pretty hectic. There was quite a bit of overtime and I just tried to work hard and be as efficient as possible. At the end of that job, it just so happened that one of The Ballet’s full-time staff was leaving and I was offered a longer contract. I’ve been here ever since!

A typical day for me involves…

I’m definitely more of a morning person, so I like to get up early and (most of the time) ride my bike to work from my home in Brunswick, so I’m really awake and can start by around 7:30 or 8am. It’s really amazing that we have this flexibility to start when we want to (within reason) and it means I can get home early, walk my greyhound Louie, and have those extra hours to potter around, run errands, cook a nice dinner etc. I always try to meditate in the evening as well. It just helps me to relax, stress less in general, and is a really nice way to just reset at the end of the day.

Work each day is really varied, and it depends what show we’re working on. As a Costumier, I work under the Cutters. They interpret the Designer’s sketches and do all the patternmaking and cut the fabric, then delegate the construction of the garments to the Costumiers. So I spend a typical workday sewing, either on a machine or by hand; it depends on what needs doing.

For example, we just finished working on Merry Widow (see costumes in the film below), which has pre-existing costumes that need to be fitted and altered to new dancers, as well as lots of repairs. There are lots of big ball gowns, and feathers in the hair, fans and gloves… it’s very decadent! Now we’ve started on Spartacus, which is a new show opening in September. For this show, all the costumes have to be made from scratch. There is a lot of Grecian style draping, flowing fabrics; it’s going to look beautiful!

The most rewarding part of my job is…

This might sound too obvious, but after working on a show for weeks or even months, when you finally see all that hard work up on stage in a performance it’s so rewarding.

I always take a different friend with me each time and point out the little bits I contributed to. It makes you so proud to have been a part of the spectacle.

On the other hand, the most challenging aspect is…

There are constant challenges, but that’s not a bad thing at all. There are so many different ways of doing things, and so many techniques and processes to learn; I don’t think you could ever know everything, which is really lovely and humbling.

The culture of my workplace is…

… supportive, friendly and easy-going. Everyone seems happy to be there and just gets on with their work. Usually, everyone is working on something different, and we all sit at our machines and listen to podcasts throughout the day (I like My Favourite Murder, The Dollop, a lot of audiobooks and lecture series… anything historical I find fascinating).

It feels pretty relaxed most of the time, but when we’re getting closer to a show opening, everyone pulls together and works hard to get everything done.

On Job Day at school, I dressed up as…

I’m not sure we had one, but I was always playing dress-ups or making costumes for my toys. So, I should have figured out that being a Costume Maker was an actual job way earlier than I did!

The best piece of advice I’ve received is…

… ask questions, lots of them! Never be afraid to ask because you feel that you should already know how to do something. There are so many ways to do things and you’re never too old or experienced to learn a new skill.

In the next five years, I’d like to…

… keep working as a Costumier, gaining skills and experience, and eventually, I’d like to try working as a Cutter. I love pattern-making, I find it oddly soothing – there is definitely a satisfaction when you have something flat as paper and then you turn it into 3D. I’ve got much more to learn before then!

The Australian Ballet’s ‘The Merry Widow‘ is currently showing in Sydney until May 19th, followed by Canberra from May 25th to 30th, and Melbourne from June 7th to 16th. Visit Australianballet.com.au for more information on upcoming performances.

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