#this is how i feel for literally any media with some kind of nobility

[a-goumang-ripoff]

My Thoughts on the Character Writing of Nine Sols

Alright, it's finally time to autistically rant on this account to my heart's content because HOLY FUCK I LOVE NINE SOLS!!! It has such amazing gameplay, and I don't think I could ever forget the Lady Ethereal fight in my life, easily one of my favorite bosses ever (and I love how she's written but that's a rant for another day).

I think my favorite thing about Nine Sols is the fact that it's such a densely packed game where literally everywhere you look you can find some kind of underlying message, even in small areas. And every Sol has its own underlying message and you bet your ass you'll be seeing rants from me on probably every one of them eventually.

For now though I'm sticking with rambling about the general writing of the game because I love it but also hate it sometimes and I love this game so much that I need to rant about how much the parts I despise piss me off. Before I start ranting off though, I should preface with this: if you aren't aware, RedCandleGames is a Taiwanese game company whose previous game, Detention, contained an easter egg which mocked a member of the CCP, I think it is safe to say that Nine Sols can easily be interpreted as a massive hate letter to China wrapped up in a beautifully gruesome story with amazing gameplay.

This isn't something that screamed out to me when I first played, but I had a suspicion something like this might pop up because of the storyline with the humans, they're shown to be livestock to these Solarians with only Lady Ethereal objecting to them being harvested for their brains (and eventually Yi but it was also his idea). They're treated as lesser beings, subhuman if you will, that are feared, hated, and stereotyped, but shown by the game to not warrant any of that treatment and be entirely capable people. Something was going on but I was quite unsure what it was.

It wasn't until the Fengs, who I fought after Ji, that it really set in what a lot of these messages I've been noticing could be about. I am very well viewing all of this through a specific lens and I don't think I'm right about everything but I am certain to say that the Fengs are absolutely a hate letter to Chinese nobility, between the Fengs' lack of care about anything besides profit/entertainment and the fact that Nuwa has clearly endured the horrors of foot binding (mishappen feet + entirely unable to walk) while still being a spoiled brat, not to mention the incest.

Everything after that kind of fell into place, it's not all about Chinese culture and government, but things definitely started falling into place when I started thinking back on everything. It started to make sense why they made Goumang a fascist who quite literally owns slaves before giving her easily the most disturbing fate in the entire game.

I do really love Nine Sols for all these little messages, but I also feel like sometimes they entirely give up on writing a unique character in order to send a message with them. Yanlao, Goumang, Jiequan, Nuwa, and Eigong are all very basic tropes that either lack deeper character, or their deeper character motivations don't seem to line up with their character.

And what do I think these characters all have in common? They're all being used to send a message about culture and/or government. Yanlao's demand for respect and power just because he's old, Goumang's fascist ideologies, Jiequan's dynastic bloodline, Nuwa's wealthy apathy, and Eigong's drive for immortality and tendency to lie or bend the truth. It feels like their characters were made secondary to the message they were attempting to send. I can say this about Yi as well, he's a very typical edgy protagonist trope I see a lot in East Asian media, though his character development is really well written so I can overlook that.

Another thing I've noticed is that the characters I think aren't sending as strong of messages, or at least not messages geared towards criticisms of government and aspects of East Asian culture, seem to be a lot more well written, and a lot of the stuff I've seen in the Nine Sols community confirms that. People tend to love Ji and Lady Ethereal and enjoy Kuafu. Ji and Lady Ethereal are so amazingly written in my opinion, maybe it is just that I relate to them a bit too much, I just feel like their stories are really enjoyable and make you feel something other than "what the fuck just happened." Kuafu I feel is just inoffensively written, he's not super tropey, but he's not amazingly written either, so he's kind of just this inbetween spot that makes him enjoyable.

Also note that I haven't talked about any of the non-sol characters, most of them I have not thought about nearly as hard (except Heng but I will break down and sob if I ever try to talk about her in length lmao) and thus don't feel like I can safely comment on them with the same confidence as I've had for the sols.

I am not saying that RedCandleGames should've forgone writing the messages into their characters that they did write, I just feel like there could be more effort put into the actual characters themselves and going about these messages in different ways to majorly improve the experience of this game, not that it isn't already amazing. Well now that that's out of my system, I'm probably gonna be making more rants about different parts of Nine Sols because I love this game and I also enjoy ranting about the parts I dislike lmao, easily one of my favorite games ever.

[bigskydreaming]

I didn't want to pile on to that last post but it did spark some thoughts that I wanted to add here, but in a general sense.

I blame a lot of this on the way 'curate your own experiences online' has been weaponized by people who like to use it to flip the script on anyone they see disturbing their preferred online atmosphere and being like 'well you're doing this to yourself, stop making it everyone else's problem.' And then that's picked up and adopted in good faith by people seeing it as simply advice and it all kinda ripples outward from there, but the endpoint is like....There's this insistence on seeing anyone expressing online feelings other than banal enjoyment as either a) performative or b) a kind of self-harm, not to mention the ever popular third door c) attempting to emotionally manipulate everyone around them for Reasons.

Its like....social media is literally just another form and venue of connection, and its not inherently meant to be ANYTHING in particular beyond just....connective. What you do with it is up to you, true, but at a certain point the people who respond to anyone disturbing their 'good times only' vibes by trying to be like 'why are you bringing this energy here' need to acknowledge that the internet does not exist simply to be your happy fun time space. If you believe in curating your own experience so much then you should be ready to close the door on certain connections and leave the room when YOU are feeling disturbed instead of just telling everyone else in the room that they're doing Feelings wrong by sharing non-optimal ones and using the venue-for-connection that is social media to share even the unpleasant stuff.

ARE there people who are just performative about their feelings of horror or shock or what have you online? Of course, and there always will be. ARE there people who are for whatever reason, and no judgment involved in my mentioning this, but get caught in social media feedback loops that probably aren't healthy for them to be in at certain points? Of course, and there always will be. ARE there people who only share certain things or partake in certain discussions because they get off on attempting to emotionally manipulate people or have some agenda in place? Of course, and there always will be.

And in each and every one of those situations where that might actually be the case with any given individual....the problem there is that specific individual and their personally suspect motivations for what they do online and how they go about it.

The problem is NOT the very existence of people expressing negative emotions on your dash or posting in ways or about things that make Generic Tumblr User JustCameHereToHaveAGoodTime feel less feel good when they witness it 'bringing down their dash' or whatever.

Allow for the possibility that sometimes people can be genuine about how they're feeling or what they're expressing about themselves, and the act of people sharing genuine feelings of 'this sucks and we're all taking a beat to acknowledge that' can be as simple as reminding ourselves that we don't have to be numb to tragedy and that we aren't weird or alone in not knowing how to sit with something awful but still having the urge to do SOMETHING with that energy, those feelings, even if just to put them out there into the world to see them shared and reflected among others and feel a sense of kinship, of being seen in knowing hey yeah, this is horrific and it sucks, we're all on the same page here.

We so often see people arguing that there's nothing noble about suffering or making ourselves miserable and I agree, actually. But I'd also put forth that there's nothing noble or enlightened about cynicism or assuming the worst of people talking about suffering or being miserable, instead of even just allowing for the simple possibility that nobody in that conversation is shooting for nobility or sainthood, they're simply saying: here is a thing I feel. Here is a tragedy that exists. I don't know what to do with it, I don't know that doing any of this actually helps me or anyone else in any way, but surely it can't be any worse to simply....acknowledge it. Put it out there. Point to its existence, the feelings we have about it as something that at least we're not alone in not having a better or more optimal response to or idea of what to do with it.

Is suffering, being miserable and all that noble? No, again, I don't think it is. But its human, and I don't come online trying to be noble. I'm just trying to be human and connect and interact with other people on basic, human levels.

And again...nothing, certainly not online interactions or behavior, exists in a vacuum. Is it possible for all of the above to start from a place of genuine sincerity, even, and to eventually pick up steam and build into something non-genuine and the very kind of performative or emotionally manipulative stuff other people see it as, even if it didn't originally start that way? Sure. All of what we're talking about here exists on a spectrum, moderation is a thing, things growing beyond their initial intentions and turning to extremism is a thing to, etc, etc, etc.

All I'm talking about here, ultimately, is just another perspective to consider. Do with it what you will.

[thinkingaboutyoungroyals]

I’ve re-watched “Young Royals” so many times and each rewatch just never fails to astound me. This is one of the most beautiful stories I’ve ever seen in a teen drama. Yes, it’s trope-y, there’s no avoiding that. And it’s not a perfect show. But, it managed one thing that many teen dramas often struggle with: authenticity.

All the characters, yes, including August, are all so well thought out and no one is one-dimensional. They’re all flawed. They have their own morals and beliefs that they either embrace or reject. They have their own background stories and motivations for their actions. Not to mention, the teens? They act like teens! They go to school, hang out with friends, complain about their families, have crushes, and take part in hobbies. 

And none of them look like they’re about to walk a runway! They have acne and scars and messy hair.

The costumes, man! The kids wear regular, comfortable clothes that are still fashionable and appropriate for school. Yes, the rich kids are wearing designer names that scream “money!” (I noticed the Calvin Klein logo in one of Wilhelm’s sweatshirts) but that’s the thing — they’re subtle without being in your face. Even the girls’ makeup looks like the actresses themselves did their own makeup!

And don’t get me started on the relationships! All the relationships! Familial! Platonic! Romantic!

Wilhelm clearly loves his parents but he’s the second born. The spare. Most of the attention growing up was most likely on Erik. And Wilhelm most likely felt invisible, which was just fine with him, he doesn’t like the attention… until Erik died and Wilhelm became crown prince. Suddenly, all the attention that their parents gave Erik was given to him and it wasn’t the good kind. They have expectations for him now. Big ones. I don’t think Wilhelm’s parents are homophobic, not at all. His mother seemed sympathetic towards him after the video came out. But, at the end of the day, she was still the Queen and she had to make choices for the good of the Crown. And, unfortunately, that clearly took precedence over her role as a mother.

Simon and Sara’s dad made some wrong choices and lost his family in the process. And although Simon seemed more forgiving, Sara is clearly not. Micke tries to get back in Simon’s good graces by getting him the booze for the party but freaks out when he thought Simon was using drugs. And even Linda, best mom ever, clashes with Sara, who believes that their mother isn’t doing enough for them. We, the audience, sees that she is and Simon does, too, but Sara feels that it’s not enough and Linda doesn’t even try to fight her on it.

And Felice clearly loves her mom and struggles to meet her expectations but is getting choked in the process (’quite literally). It makes me wonder if her initially going after Wilhelm is because her mother is pressuring her to get with the prince. During parents’ day, her mother asked after Wilhelm, not Felice. And Felice realizes pretty quickly how toxic her mother is but, in the beginning, there wasn’t much she could do but go along with it. But, slowly and surely, she starts breaking away, starting with refusing to wear her mother’s dress and refusing to be Lucia and giving it to Sara, who actually wanted it.

And there’s August’s obvious distaste of his mother’s boyfriend and his rocky relationship with her after his father’s suicide. August is still clearly grieving while his mother seemed to have already moved on. And although this doesn’t excuse August’s actions, it shows his motivation and how strongly he’s holding on to whatever sort of control he can get his hands on: the rowing team, his status in school as prefect, and Wilhelm.

(More under the cut cause this was longer than I anticipated.)

I can’t talk about “Young Royals” without talking about Wilhelm and Simon’s relationship. The way it started because Simon spoke up in class about the unfairness of the law when it comes to welfare scams and tax evasions. Wilhelm’s whole life was probably filled with fake friends, people who only wanted him for his connections or to elevate their own status. In a sea of fake people, Simon was authentic. He never pretended to be anything he was not. And I can see why that must be intriguing to Wilhelm and he pursues him without even realizing it. He’s drawn to Simon and not just ‘cause he’s cute and has the voice of an angel.

And they got the actual way teenagers act when confronted by feelings for a crush. They watch and long from a distance. They shyly try to get close but get overwhelmed at any hint of reciprocation. The careful hesitation at that first kiss. The heartbreak of the possibility that you read the signs wrong. The giddiness of that first relationship. Yes, they do have sex from the get-go but the relationship itself was not sexual — it was innocent, sweet, and full of adoration.

They even have a fairly healthy relationship! They communicate and talk about their feelings. They don’t let things fester. When Wilhelm realizes he’s hurt Simon, he apologizes. And Simon, even if he may not understand Wilhelm’s motivations, tries to do so, anyway. They have so much respect for each other. They had a relationship that stemmed from friendship and trust.  

That’s what makes the eventual reality setting in hit hard. Because we suddenly remember that Wilhelm is no ordinary boy — he’s a prince. He’s in love with a commoner who also happens to be another boy. I don’t know what it’s like to live under a monarchy but I can imagine that even if the actual people they rule don’t care if their crown prince likes boys, the monarchy is still set in their traditional ways.

And these boys, who are experiencing love and a relationship for the first time had theirs marred by the violation of their first time and the expectations of the crown. Not to mention, they’re teenagers! That’s traumatizing for both of them! 

Suffice to say, I’m glad we have this piece of media that, despite it about being about royalty and nobility and rich kids, it’s enjoyable to watch because it’s incredibly relatable and real.

When you see these characters, you see your peers and people you’ve grown up with. You can even see yourself. 

And that, my friends, is why we need a season 2.

[balioc]

A Taxonomy of Magic

This is a purely and relentlessly thematic/Doylist set of categories. 

The question is: What is the magic for, in this universe that was created to have magic?

Or, even better: What is nature of the fantasy that’s on display here?

Because it is, literally, fantasy.  It’s pretty much always someone’s secret desire.

(NOTE: “Magic” here is being used to mean “usually actual magic that is coded as such, but also, like, psionics and superhero powers and other kinds of Weird Unnatural Stuff that has been embedded in a fictional world.”)

(NOTE: These categories often commingle and intersect.  I am definitely not claiming that the boundaries between them are rigid.)

I. Magic as The Gun That Can Be Wielded Only By Nerds

Notable example: Dungeons & Dragons

Of all the magic-fantasies on offer, I think of this one as being the clearest and most distinctive.  It’s a power fantasy, in a very direct sense.  Specifically, it’s the fantasy that certain mental abilities or personality traits -- especially “raw intelligence” -- can translate directly into concrete power.  Being magical gives you the wherewithal to hold your own in base-level interpersonal dominance struggles. 

(D&D wizardry is “as a science nerd, I can use my brainpower to blast you in the face with lightning.”  Similarly, sorcery is “as a colorful weirdo, I can use my force of personality to blast you in the face with lightning,” and warlockry is “as a goth/emo kid, I can use my raw power of alienation to blast you in the face with lightning.”)   

You see this a lot in media centered on fighting, unsurprisingly, and it tends to focus on the combative applications and the pure destructive/coercive force of magic (even if magic is notionally capable of doing lots of different things).   It often presents magic specifically as a parallel alternative to brawn-based fighting power.  There’s often an unconscious/reflexive trope that the heights of magic look like “blowing things up real good” / “wizarding war.” 

II. Magic as The Numinous Hidden Glory of the World

Notable examples: Harry Potter, The Chronicles of Narnia, H.P. Lovecraft’s Dream Cycle

The point of magic, in this formulation, is that it is special.  It is intrinsically wondrous and marvelous.  Interacting with it puts you in a heightened-state-of-existence.  It is -- ultimately -- a metaphor for The Secret Unnameable Yearnings of Your Soul, the glorious jouissance that always seems just out of reach.

It doesn’t so much matter how the magic actually functions, or even what outcomes it produces.  The important thing is what magic is, which is...magical.

This is how you get works that are all about magic but seem entirely disinterested in questions like “what can you achieve with magic?,” “how does the presence of magic change the world?,” etc.  One of the major ways, anyway.

The Numinous Hidden Glory fantasy often revolves around an idea of the magic world, the other-place where everything is drenched in jouissance.  [Sometimes the magic world is another plane of existence, sometimes it’s a hidden society within the “real world,” doesn’t matter.]  The real point of magic, as it’s often presented, is being in that magic world; once you’re there, everything is awesome, even if the actual things you’re seeing and doing are ordinary-seeming or silly.  A magic school is worlds better than a regular school, because it’s magic, even if it’s got exactly the same tedium of classes and social drama that you know from the real world. 

Fantasies of this kind often feature a lot of lush memorable detail that doesn’t particularly cohere in any way.  It all just adds to the magic-ness. 

III. Magic as the Atavistic Anti-Civilizational Power

Notable examples: A Song of Ice and Fire, Godzilla

According to the terms of this fantasy, the point of magic is that it doesn’t make sense.  It doesn’t make sense within the logic of civilized human thought, anyway.  It is nature and chaos given concrete form; it is the thing that tears away at the systems that we, in our [Promethean nobility / overweening hubris], try to build. 

There’s not a baked-in value judgment here.  This kind of magic can be presented as good, bad, or some of both.  Same with civilization, for that matter.

It’s often presented as Old Myths and Folkways that have More Truth and Power Than Seems Reasonable.  Narratively, it often serves as a dramatized version of the failure of episteme, and of the kind of entropic decay that in real life can take centuries to devour empires and ideologies.

This kind of magic is almost always the province of savages, actual inhuman monsters, or (occasionally) the very downtrodden. 

(I think it is enormously telling that in A Song of Ice and Fire -- a series that is jammed full of exotic cults and ancient half-forgotten peoples, all of whom have magic that seems to work and beliefs that at least touch on mysterious truths -- only the Westerosi version of High Medieval Catholicism, the religion to which most of the people we see notionally adhere, is actually just a pack of empty lies.)  

IV. Magic as an Overstuffed Toybox

Notable examples: Naruto, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure

Or, sometimes, we care about what magic actually does.  More than that -- sometimes we want to see magic doing really interesting things, and then other magic intersecting with it in ways that are even more interesting.

The fantasy here, in simplest terms, is “magic can achieve any arbitrary cool effect.”  There doesn’t tend to be an overarching system that explains how it’s all supposed to come together, or if there is, it tends to be kind of lame and hand-wavey -- a rigorous system of Magic Physics, delineating the limits of the possible, would get in the way of all the cool effects we want to show!

Once again, this shows up a lot in combat-heavy narratives.  Less with the genericized D&D-style “magic is a fist that can punch harder than your regular meat fist,” and more with people throwing weird and wacky powers at each other in order to show how those powers can be used creatively to overcome opposition.  Sometimes, instead of combat, you get magicians using their cool-effects magic to MacGuyver their way out of problems or even trying to resolve large-scale social problems.  Issues of magic usage within the narrative being “fair” or “unfair” or “cheesy” are important here in ways that they generally aren’t elsewhere, since the fantasy on offer comes close to being a game. 

(Ratfic often falls into this category.) 

V. Magic as Alternate-Universe Science

Notable examples: the Cosmere books

This covers most of what gets called “hard fantasy.”  The fantasy on offer is a pretty straightforward one -- “magic has actual rules, you can learn them, and once you’ve learned them you can make predictions and achieve outcomes.”  It’s puzzle-y in the way that the previous fantasy was game-y.  It’s often a superstimulus for the feeling of learning a system in the way that video game grinding is a superstimulus for the feeling of rewarding labor. 

The magic effects on offer tend to be less ridiculous and “broken” than toybox magic, because any logic you can use to achieve a ridiculous effect is going to influence the rest of the magic system, and special cases that aren’t grounded in sufficiently-compelling logic will ruin the fantasy. 

Not super common.

VI.  Magic as Psychology-Made-Real

Notable examples: Revolutionary Girl Utena, Persona

This kind of magic makes explicit, and diagetic, what is implicit and metatextual in most fantasy settings.  The magic is an outgrowth of thought, emotion, and belief.  Things have power in the world because they have power in your head.  The things that seem real in the deepest darkest parts of your mind are actually real. 

This is where you get inner demons manifested as actual demons (servile or hostile or anything in between), swords forged from literal hope, dungeons and labyrinths custom-tailored to reflect someone’s trauma, etc. 

The fantasy, of course, is that your inner drama matters. 

My personal favorite.

VII.  Magic as Pure Window Dressing

Notable examples: later Final Fantasy games, Warhammer 40K

This one is weird; it doesn’t really make sense on its own, only metatextually.  I think of its prevalence as an indicator of the extent to which fantasy has become a cultural staple. 

The fantasy on offer in these works is that you are in a fantasy world that is filled with fantasy tropes.  And that’s it.

Because the important thing here is that the magic doesn’t really do anything at all, or at least, it doesn’t do anything that non-magic can’t do equally well.  It doesn’t even serve as an indication that Things are Special, because as presented in-setting, magic isn’t Special.  Being a wizard is just a job, like being a baker or a tailor or something -- or, usually, like being a soldier, because the magic on offer is usually a very-simple kind of combat magic.  And unlike in D&D, it’s not like magic is used only or chiefly by a particularly noteworthy kind of person.  It’s just...there. 

The great stories of the world, in these works, don’t tend to feature magic as anything more than a minor element.  The point is to reassure the audience that this is the kind of world, the kind of story, that has magic. 

-------------------------------------------------

Thoughts?  Critiques?  Other categories to suggest? 

[flyingdeskset]

My Guide to Romantic Academia

I have to admit, I’m only new to this myself. I feel like a bit of a hypocrite, trying to teach about something I am myself only learning. But I suppose, I have always been an academic, and I am a bit of an expert in hopeless romanticism. After extensive research, here is what I have come up with (should I put this in two parts? I don’t think so. If you really want to be a romantic academic, you’ll read to the end):

Fashion:

Tops:

Turtlenecks! Any academic’s best friend, they are not only soft and cosy, they are also really cute!

Cowl necks. These are great for winter, and go with literally anything.

Blouses. Specifically with poofy sleeves.

Cardigans. Either the thin, fitted kind or the chunky-knit, over-sized kind; both are great.

Blazers. Don’t know if this should go into outerwear or not. Anyway, these are lovely and go great with fitted skirts and dresses (or jeans, or trousers, if you’re not a skirt-wearer)

Vintage jumpers. I especially love faded mens’ v-necks.

Bottoms:

Pleated skirts. These give off great Catholic school-girl vibes (it doesn’t matter if you’re not catholic. I go to an actual Irish all-girl Catholic school, and I’m not Catholic [nor do I wear pleated skirts, to my dismay])

Woolen skirts. So cosy, and so romantic.

Tweed trousers. I personally don’t own any of these because I don’t really wear trousers, but I intend to buy a pair.

Jeans. Nothing wrong with jeans once in a while! Try to style them with more academic-type tops and outerwear, though.

Outerwear:

Overcoats. Just soft, woolen winter coats. Impractical (since they don’t generally have hoods and I live in the rainiest country ever), but the things we sacrifice for the aesthetic, eh?

Trench coats. These are great for spring.

Hats: berets and caps.

Scarves: honestly, anything. Scarves in and of themselves are very romantic academia.

Gloves: I personally prefer leather, with cotton houndstooth detailing, but this is up to you!

Shoes: oxfords, loafers and pumps (specifically patent) are all great choices. I also love knee-high boots, especially for winter.

Nightwear:

Flannel suits. Stripy flannel. So soft. So cosy. Mine are pink.

Silk suits. Very classy and debonair, and they feel great.

Silk/cotton nightgowns. Another step up with the class! These are great for the summer.

Robes. Any robes, all robes. I recommend having at least three, in various colours, styles and fabrics (you think this is a joke. It’s not. I have four.)

Miscellaneous/Tips:

Dresses (I didn’t know what category to put them in). Vintage is great, but any style that isn’t overly modern is fine.

Fabrics: tweed, wool, cotton, the like. Also, lace. Lace is great.

Colour dos: Muted colours (greys and beiges). Cream is always a win. Jewel tones (emerald, ruby). You can’t go wrong with black, though I try not to go overboard with it.

Colour don'ts: Neon colours are a big no-no. Pastels are a hit-and-miss situation. For example, soft dusky pinks are great, but too much baby blue and you’re straying away from the tortured-academic look. Try and avoid bright scarlets and royal blues.

When wearing basically any top that isn’t a cardigan or a blazer: tuck it in! Whether tucked into a skirt or trousers, this gives off a put together, I-know-what-I’m-doing vibe that is essential (even if you don’t know what you’re doing). It’s also very flattering on a lot of body types.

Of course, fashion isn’t essential to the aesthetic. Adjust this to your tastes!

Media:

Writers/Poets:

Jane Austen

William Blake

Brontë sisters

Lord Byron

Donna Tartt. You know I had to put her in here.

Oscar Wilde (he’s not actually Romantic, but he is Oscar Wilde)(and he’s Irish!)

Maria Edgeworth

Victor Hugo

John Keats

Edgar Allan Poe

Mary Shelley

Henry David Thoreau

William Wordsworth

Feel free to add to this; it’s nowhere near complete.

Composers:

Tchaikovsky

Chopin

Schumann (Clara and Robert)

Liszt

Brahms

Offenbach

Dvořák

Again, not complete!

Movies (because we can’t be 19th century nobility all the time)

Jane Eyre

Dead Poets Society

Kill Your Darlings

Pride and Prejudice

Any other Jane Austen adaptation

Clueless (because of the Jane Austen affiliation!)

10 Things I Hate About You (Taming of the Shrew!)(can you tell I’m making excuses to put 90’s chick flicks in here?)

Becoming Jane

Good Will Hunting

The Princess Bride

Maurice (Hugh Grant!)

Les Misérables

Breakfast at Tiffany’s (honestly, the classy, vintage feeling you’ll get from watching an Audrey Hepburn movie is irreplaceable)

Edgar Allen Poe’s Murder Mystery Dinner Party (not even a movie, it’s just really good)

To be honest, this isn’t even trying to be a complete list. These are just my favourite movies that I can squeeze into the genre.

Lifestyle (the most important bit!):

Carpe Diem. The number one tip for any academic. I feel it’s important to note, this is different for everyone. For some people, ‘seizing the day ’ is skydiving, or dropping everything and travelling the world. For others, it’s simply getting out of the house in the morning, and neither is any better than the other!

Create. This, again, is different for everyone. If you’re a writer, write! This could be a poem, a full blown novel, or just some Oliver/James fanfiction (did I mention I love If We Were Villains?)! If you’re an artist, do art! Whether it’s an oil portrait or a sketch of Richard Papen looking like the lovesick idiot he is, it’s all the same!

Be Mysterious. Honestly, I don’t even know how. I’m still getting the hang of this myself.

Read! Read everything! You don’t have to limit yourself to classics. Also, reading in public is great.

Be polite. Of course, this is a given for everyone. But, if you have the manners of a Victorian lady, it’ll give you definite Mysterious Points.

Drink tea. Or coffee. Or even hot chocolate. And it doesn’t have to be black tea and dark chocolate, because we’re not as bitter as the dark academics.

Take up an instrument. People seem to think this has to be the violin, but it doesn’t. I play the clarinet, and also the ukulele! Whatever is right for you!

Well, I hope this helped people. Remember you don’t have to follow this to the word! Feel free to adapt to your personality, add things, and ask questions!

[toflyandfall]

I just saw a photo of "What persona. Dick Grayson isn't a mask. Not like Bruce Wayne is" from Detective Comics #725 and I find it interesting that Dick and the rest of the bats, with the exception of Bruce, don't wear "masks" per se. They are who they are with or without the domino mask/helmet. The only time I can really think of Dick faking things is when he pretended to be an incompetent BPD cop. How was he able to avoid creating and living, half the time, through a "persona" like "Brucie"?

Oooh, this is a lovely, meaty question.  There’s a lot more analysis of Bruce than I planned because let’s be real, it’s kinda weirder for a guy to run around with half a dozen personas than for someone else to run around as himself.  I hope you still find it interesting, but if you want to skip straight to the more Dick-centric stuff, head under the readmore.

A simple but significant factor is that Dick thrives on the company of people in a way that Bruce does not.  I suspect if you talk honestly to many introverts, you will find they too have an extroverted ‘mask’ they put on to the larger world, though probably not quite so extreme.

Another factor is that the civilian social circles Dick and Bruce travel in are vastly different.  Though they each have a reason for being in those circles, that difference itself enables Dick to escape much of the scrutiny that Bruce’s public identity undergoes, because he doesn’t frequently associate with the much more media-hounded elite.

An interesting thing here is that the large difference in social circles between their civilian lives is actually caused by their own personal similarities: they are 100% committed work-a-holics.  It’s just that they have differing civilian approaches to their goals.

I want to start with Bruce because as you point out, his use of persona is distinct among the bats and his reasons for using them in part explain why Dick and the other bats do not.

Bruce is a child of privilege, he has always lived a lifestyle of privilege, regardless of the tragedies that have occurred during it, and his default view of the world, through no fault of his own, is natively that of the extreme upper class.  This drastically influences his perspective and approach to change, and changing the world is his perpetual goal, the reason he put on the suit in the first place.

Bruce works a top-down society approach toward systemic change, and he works it all the time.  This is actually my favorite but woefully under-emphasized part of him: he is not just someone who punches people on the street ‘for justice’, he uses his company, his money, and his social position toward substantial systemic change. This post does a wonderful job covering the ways he does this through his corporations and personal wealth, as does this one.  I cannot recommend either enough because I constantly want to push even the most casual Batman fans to understand: Bruce Wayne is not just a violent punchy puncher man.  He is a traumatized person genuinely trying to use all his resources including himself to make the world safer.

Detective Comics #725

Bruce has many personas he maintains, and he uses all of them according to what suits his need--Batman for places the law can’t go, Bruce Wayne the CEO pushing for systemic changes, Matches Malone for street information, and Brucie the society high roller for society information and social influencing.  He is rarely ever not in a persona and simply ‘Bruce’.

His top-down perspective of enacting change are what dictated the usage and necessity of these personas. He has the means and capacity to basically disappear from society if he so chose--he in fact does so to train during his younger years so successfully they don’t even know how long he was actually gone. 

The Batman Files

So he doesn’t need the personas.  Not Bruce Wayne, CEO, or Brucie, or any of them really, to protect his identity.  That tells us that Brucie is a deliberate choice he made at some point.  He could have been a recluse billionaire Batman indefinitely.  Even though he fully has the status and means to not maintain a job or a persona or, let’s be frank, a life outside the mask at all, it’s his own work-a-holicness that led to the creation of his public personas.  He’s an obsessive strategist, so if Brucie is a choice, that leads us to why?

Bruce does many philanthropic things with his money, but he isn’t the only rich person around, especially not in a city as old and corrupt as Gotham.   But he’s one of the very few ones doing good with it.

The comic you mentioned has a very beautiful moment where Bruce touches on that, and in full context you can feel how consumed he is by this goal of creating the Gotham his parents would have wanted.  Batman mentions he never sees himself in that place, and the morbid interpretation is that the city kills him before he reaches it, but the hopeful interpretation is that in that shining city, Bruce Wayne and Batman and Brucie and all his masks will no longer be needed.

Detective Comics #725

Back in the old days they’d call it noblesse oblige: the inferred responsibility of privileged people to act with generosity and nobility toward those less privileged. Thomas and Martha Wayne ingrained this feeling of responsibility into Bruce by example, and as all things related to them, he obsesses over it.  It urges him to fulfill expectations within segments of society he finds onorous for the betterment of society as a whole in order to carry out their unfinished works.

Enter Brucie.

Brucie serves a two-fold purpose.  Since Bruce has chosen to maintain personas among society, it becomes a false face to justify any oddities Batman might bring into the life of Bruce Wayne by setting himself up as a eccentric, popular social scion.  But that persona itself also allows him to manipulate the upper crust of society.

I have some insider perspective on the kind of society events Brucie attends.  They’re all about the who’s who of making connections, name-dropping and networking, and unspoken class-based elitism.  Charity events among the upper class have these things at the forefront and the cause is the background.  You don’t get your hands dirty, you don’t go out and make change yourself, you pay money to be socially seen and sometimes it happens to go towards a philanthropic cause.  If you want to raise money from the rich and keep people with deep pockets coming in the door, you have to have social currency yourself. This is where, and why, Brucie comes in.  I believe Brucie ws crafted to maintain Batman’s cover but still attempt to carry on his parents’ legacy to grease the wheels of the rich in the directions he chooses: one of generosity towards those less privileged. 

Superman/Batman #51

The inevitable flaw of Bruce’s approach to his personas and their philanthropy is that in a city rife with corruption, money distributed from the top has many opportunities to disappear well before it reaches the bottom.  As in many of ways they are complements to each other, Dick’s approach balances that out, because his approach to helping his fellow man starts out at the street level...literally.

Nightwing #153 (Nightwing: The Great Leap)

Dick, we know, does not come from privilege.  His mother was from a middle class family before she joined the circus, and despite being world famous athletes, most circus workers are lower to middle class.  The people he grew up with, was comfortable with, were all working folk who expected everyone to pull their weight right alongside each other.  He enacts this everyone-together approach in almost all aspects and phases of his life. 

Batman #615

Even once he had settled into being Robin and adapted to living at the manor, he didn’t feel belonging to a culture of privilege, materialism, or high society. He preferred shotgun in the limo to chat with the driver to riding fancy in the back.  Once he was able to start making his own decisions about where and how he lived, despite having both Bruce’s money and then later inheriting a substantial amount of his own, he chose mostly lower-class communal places.

Batman Black and White #6

Dick also doesn’t see the value of throwing money at a problem when there is an option to fix it with his own hands.  We see this frequently, from building his own car instead of buying a finished one or outsourcing the work, to deciding the best way to clean out the BPD was to start at the bottom and work his way up (literally), to quitting college because his classes never got prioritized over crimesolving.  Most of his day jobs ended for similar reasons. 

Nightwing #153 (Nightwing: The Great Leap)

Despite the showmanship training, he gravitates away from spotlight on the rich and wealthy, who are notoriously the kind of people who do not get their hands dirty or go out and take care of things themselves, and prefers to find or build communities around the kind of people who do.

Finally, Dick is an extrovert.  He doesn’t need to act extroverted as Brucie does because he is extroverted.  He likes people and likes being around people.  Whether by conscious choice or not, he tends to put himself in situations where he is surrounded by people in nearly all aspects of his life.  He chooses apartment buildings whose occupants frequently pass each other on the stairs; jobs that involve interacting with many co-workers, patrons, or students; and collects superhero teammates like Boy Scout badges.  And all of these behaviors come very naturally to him.  

He doesn’t need a mask or a role or a persona for those kind of interactions; his mask is pre-supplied as “neighbor” or “co-worker” or “teacher” by the situations he puts himself in.  It helps make him an exemplary leader, because just by acting authentically to himself, he automatically builds up little communities around him any time he arrives somewhere.

Bruce, on the other hand, is an introvert.  For him, interacting with people isn’t easy, automatic, or comfortable unless it has a purpose, but as a strategist, he knows the necessity of human interaction as a catalyst to achieving dynamic change. So he adapts personas to suit people’s expectations.  Extroverts have more social currency; the life of the party can generate more resources than a brooding wallflower.  

So, it boils down to just a few elements: Dick believes in living and interacting at the street level to accomplish the things that he wants to, and he is extroverted enough that the level of social interaction that entails is not a burden to him.  He surrounds himself with the types of people he is more familiar or perhaps more comfortable with, which happens to keep him further out from the media’s eye than associating with the upper crust does. The lower profile is more incidental than intentional, but it lessens his need to have a cover story for every single bruise and lets him get away with even less of a ‘persona’.

Bruce, on the other hand, is introverted and follows a more classist view that systemic change needs to be effected from the top down.   His personas are more of a self-assumed duty than a necessity, as a way of trying to carry out his parents’ legacy.  Any of his children could have chosen to follow his path in business or the high society limelight, but the sense of obligation toward it is something personal to him that most of them don’t share.

[gayregis]

how do i ignore all the misogyny in the witcher books? they're much better than the netflix show storywise but there is so much gross stuff compared to what i usually read/watch

hi!! thank you for the ask, this is a very important topic to address, though i believe you are asking the wrong question. the matter is not how to ignore the misogyny in the witcher and other pieces of media, but rather how to confront it and face it head-on.

i don’t believe in making excuses for the media i consume when it has “problematic elements” to it. this isn’t meant to be taken as an excuse to “consume anything you like,” because i would not engage with something insidious in its nature (such as media that revolves around and is based upon harmful stereotypes or insensitive jokes and cannot exist without this, some examples of this are infamous things that i’ve seen discussed on this site like captive prince, cmbyn, and hazbin hotel). instead this is about when a piece of media is good overall in nature (the witcher has many anti-war, anti-violence, anti-imperialist themes and messages relating to family, childhood, friendship, and love) but has elements that are the results of the author’s personal biases.

i think before i address how to deal with the misogyny, i’ll actually define what misogyny exists within the witcher books, to be more specific about what we are talking about, and also to do the work of addressing the misogyny in the books:

how the women in the witcher are treated as characters and how they are depicted by the author.

there are a few good points in this subject. characters such as yennefer and ciri are very strong characters who receive a lot of development over the course of the series, and are main characters that are integral to the plot. they demonstrate both strengths and weaknesses, virtues and vices. they have depth and are not one-dimensional characters, especially as they become more and more complex over the course of the series.

blatant sexualization of women when it’s inappropriate or irrelevant, descriptions of female characters’ looks or bodies that male characters would not have received.

bizzare standards for what is beautiful for a woman, including body descriptions (“triss’s waist measured 22”) and extreme focus on youth and the age cusp of around 15 to 18 as being the most attractive for a woman (stated in-universe, even though this could be excused as being what is normal in the 1200s, keep in mind that this is the author’s decision to impliment this standard into their society). 

descriptions and scenarios of extreme violence towards woman that are gratuitous in nature and do not add to the story or have any relevance. (geralt being paralyzed with his knee during the stampede at the refugee camp in bof is NOT on the same level as yennefer being extremely tortured at stygga or ciri meeting “forest gramps” in lotl). some of this violence towards women is related to the male antagonists being misogynistic (such as leo bonhart) but a lot of it is just pure filler and is not necessary for the story.

majority of female characters do not get the depth they deserve, and some are pretty one-dimensional. the sorceresses are a good example of this, as the majority of them are shallow and manipulative. female characters are also just generally not given as much “page time” as male characters, for example compare how much depth and backstory regis and cahir receive to how much milva and angouleme receive. regis’ backstory is entirely irrelevant to the main plot but it’s extremely long, and angouleme’s backstory is more relevant to the main plot (she was born of cintrian nobility) yet it is extremely short. (one could make the argument that this is an effect of their characters because regis talks a lot and angouleme is still processing her trauma, but more could have been given to angouleme even if she is not extremely talkative).

the only canon lesbians in the witcher are not good people and are manipulative in nature, and the only canon f/f relationship (ciri/mistle) is representative of a turmultous, vicious time of violence, and is based upon sexual assault.

the gender non-conforming female characters who ARE good people,never have their gnc-ness treated with any depth, and it is insinuated that they are heterosexual.

male protagonists such as geralt and dandelion are both misogynistic at various times in the books, especially in the short stories. this is unlike when male antagonists are misogynistic, because it is represented as something wrong and is intended to characterize them as vile people. instead, geralt and dandelion say or do misogynistic things and it is treated like a joke or something normal, and not a flaw or something repulsive.

how to confront all of this?

the first step is to address it, just as the above list does, and discuss things that stood out to you and are definitively wrong, that the author should not have put in the story because it is useless and only serves to further misogyny in the real world. it would be a grave mistake to think of these things as “fine” and continue to view the witcher books as some kinds of perfect scripture. so many people feel that just because they enjoy something, they are not allowed to critique it and discuss parts of it that are uncomfortable or plain wrong. 

to continue with this point, i think it is important to put the witcher into context as a fantasy series written in the 1990s by a white man who did not (to my knowledge) intend this series for such a broad audience and franchise that it has become. this is not an excuse for sapkowski at all, but rather i think it’s important to understand the origins of the witcher and how it came to be in the first place. this wasn’t a series made to be inclusive and diverse, it wasn’t intended to be “for us” in the first place. 

i do not believe that there is MEANT to be any “positive representation” in the witcher because i don’t believe it is something that sapkowski was actively considering when he wrote the books. just because there isn’t good representation in the books does not mean they and everything related to them are not worth your time, but if you are someone desperately searching for good positive representation or someone who NEEDS to see representation of someone like them in every piece of media they consume, i don’t think the witcher books are necessarily a good place to start. this isn’t meant to deter you from reading or interacting with the books/book canon, but rather a fair warning about what the intentions of the books are. 

i don’t think the books are a groundshaking work of art that are meant to inspire concepts such as diversity, rather it is a very specific work that in its true nature is an argument of a critique of popular fantasy tropes with additional commentary on themes of violence and family. so this is basically meant to say ‘understand what you are getting into.’

how to move on?

the main question which i answer is “is the root of this thing (a piece of media/a character/etc) something that revolves around the bad part, or was the bad part just thrown in there and is incongruent with the rest of the thing?”

the biggest example i think of tackling the misogyny in the witcher and still managing to enjoy it is with dandelion (lol). i think it’s every day that i have to reconcile with the fact that i genuinely enjoy dandelion as a character and hold a conversation with myself about which parts from canon i enjoy and which parts i don’t. his character at its core is not a bad person, he is meant to be an inversion of the trope of the slovenly and lecherous comic relief, and sapkowski succeeds in turning the trope on its head. dandelion is very loyal and committed, he demonstrates his worth in the narrative and doesn’t act with pure selfishness and greed. he is an inversion of all of the negative traits of his trope, but sapkowski also wrote in, like, a literal rape joke for him to say in the bounds of reason. how do you get over that? personally, i just go back to “is this congruent with the rest of the character or not,” and my answer at least for dandelion is no. the rape joke in the bounds of reason seemed entirely out of place to me, it doesn’t fit in with the rest of his character.

similarly, why does geralt sleep with girls who are barely 18 within the events of the witcher? how do you get over that? well, i don’t believe that’s congruent to the rest of his character, the POINT of his character, which is to protect young girls. 

so i go back on my word of what i begun this answer with, and i tell you that i indeed DO ignore some parts about the witcher. but it is not a blind ignorance, an ignorance in which i do not consider the effects and i pretend like they do not exist at all. it’s a choice which i make and a process of logical steps that i follow, an understanding and an agreement i come to with myself and the media i interact with. i acknowledge the context surrounding the creation of the media, i acknowledge the effects that these elements had on their readers and how they relate to the real world, and how i know that these things are objectively wrong. i understand why they exist in the canon, and why i feel justified for choosing to take them out of what i regard as part of my experience.

it’s tempting to proclaim “canon is dead and we have killed the author,” but understand how the author’s personal experiences and biases have influenced the media that they created and which you now consume. you can’t take the personal biases completely out of the writing of the witcher and you have to acknowledge that they still exist in the text. even if you make up your own headcanons, it is still imperative to consider the issues that originate in canon.

what does this look like?

complaining to your friends who also like the witcher / on social media that you hate these parts of the books and explain why you hate them and why they are unnecessary

thinking about why these parts were written in and the context surrounding them

making your own rewrites / headcanons around these parts (ex: my idea for the rewrite of a little sacrifice)

making your own headcanons to establish what was not (ex: my headcanons for angouleme’s trauma and how it affects her in the present, headcanons about how the hansa becomes a family)

tldr: acknowledge why these elements exist in canon. choose to follow a process that will allow you to salvage the parts which speak to you while still understanding that these elements exist in canon and will never disappear. continue to like the canon without the parts that you understand are rotten.

edit: also the netflix show has some pretty misogynistic parts to it as well, yennefer and ciri have way less agency as characters than they do in the books. geralt literally coerces yennefer into sex in twn and treats her with absolutely no respect, and ran from fathering ciri solely because he was a dick. obviously this isn’t the point of the ask, but i think it’s important to acknowledge that twn has misogynistic elements as well and not pretend like just because twn was led in 2020 by a wealthy white woman that it’s progressive in any way.

[margridarnauds]

Rip idk if I accidentally sent my last ask too early or it it got deleted before I sent it but anywho,, if you’re still bored and wanting to talk about Celtic lore, I’d love to here about grainne ni mhaille or Brigid of tuatha de danann? Alternately, what’s one of your fav stories?

I was in the middle of typing up a response and apparently SOMETHING happened to it because it totally disappeared on me. 

ANYWAY, 

I can talk about both of them, to different degrees. 

Gráinne was one of my first Irish research interests (Thank you The Pirate Queen, you…..interesting piece of media). That being said, I am VERY rusty when it comes to her, the main takeaway that I have being a very visceral reaction to the words “Anne Chambers” because…..suffice it to say….I have Things to say about her scholarship and the occasional sloppiness thereof, but I don’t think I brought my copy of her book on Gráinne with me, the school library is closed, and I generally don’t like to utterly eviscerate something without having it on hand. But I can say that her treatment of Donal O’Flaherty was bad, based purely off of wish fulfillment and her own attachment to Richard Burke, and that my personal reading of their marriage, which I will admit is just a READING, is that Donal and Gráinne actually had a fairly egalitarian marriage. 

Think of it. 

Gráinne, if we believe the legends, and the legends of her early life are very in keeping with what we know of her adult life, was truculent enough that she cut her hair short just to get on a ship. She was defiant, spirited, and ruthless to the core. (The woobification and victimization of Gráinne is something that is ANOTHER post, given that I feel like it does her a MASSIVE DISSERVICE). Donal….would have HAD to have known what he was getting into. And Donal was TÁNAISTE OF THE O’FLAHERTY SEPT. And, as I’ve discussed….that was not necessarily something he got just because his daddy was chieftain. That was something that was AGREED on. He was not a weak man, he was not a coward, and his cognomen was Donal AN CHOGAIDH, Donal OF THE BATTLES. But he seems to have fought his wars on land, Gráinne on sea. Together, they would have been one badass pair. In terms of NAMING, look at the names of their children. Owen - Same name as Gráinne’s father. Murrough - A common O’Flaherty name. And Margaret - Said by some sources to be the same name as Gráinne’s mother. And what was the name of Owen’s son? Donal. Now, there could be a NUMBER of reasons for this naming pattern, it could be nothing. But, what I believe at least is that it shows a certain level of cooperation between the two of them. I am NOT claiming it was a great love story, but I am claiming that what little evidence there is (and there can only be so much), indicates a certain level of respect, especially given that Gráinne, in general, was not the sort to tolerate fools. 

Chambers also claimed, incorrectly, that Donal killed his nephew, but a quick reading of the sources would have shown that it was his cousin, ALSO named Donal who did it. The patrynomics don’t lie on that one; it was Donal mac Ruari, “Donal of the Boats”, not Donal an Chogaidh who did it. 

But. Gráinne. I love talking Donal, but this is about Gráinne. 

Something that I feel really does get underplayed, probably in service of making her a Perfect Feminist Heroine™ (I am a feminist, don’t get me wrong! But my idea of feminism centers around the idea that women can be as fundamentally flawed as men, they can have the same quirks, the same corruption, and they do not have to be perfect, long suffering, soft, or forever victimized) IS that ruthlessness and pragmatism that really underlines her character. People play up her attacking her son Murrough as some kind of righteous fury against him for talking to the English while conveniently forgetting that Gráinne herself spent most of her life alternatively appeasing and attacking the English. She was not a Nationalist, she wasn’t a patriot. She was, however, a survivor, as were MANY of the Irish nobility at this time. Another example of a survivor from this period was Iníon Dubh, probably one of my favorite women in Irish history (though she herself was Scottish by birth), who did try to bargain with the English for the life of her son Hugh Roe by giving over some Spanish survivors of the Armada to English authorities. People (CHAMBERS) try to pin Murrough with the worst faults of his father, but I honestly think that, at his heart, he was more his mother’s son than perhaps even she would be willing to admit. 

(Also like. The entire thing with Risdeárd an Iarainn? I have read the marriage tracts, I have a friend who does law stuff. None of us can think of ANYTHING in the Brehon laws that would allow for a “Marriage” like the one described. Only thing I can think of that’s SIMILAR is the Teltown marriages. Acting like it’s a common Brehon law thing gives it a veneer of legitimacy that I strongly doubt. The oral tradition COULD be lying to us, I’m willing to say that there might be gaps in our understanding of a law, or Gráinne could have actually done it without….how shall we put this…..the usual degree of sanctity and security that we tend to assume, given that what the law said on marriage could be very different to marriage in reality. Tl;dr: She MIGHT have catfished him. Or. The 16th century Irish equivalent. But like. Catfished where you’re actually married and have a kid with one another. Or the story could be a complete fabrication, like I FIRMLY believe Hugh de Lacy’s story was. Who knows?) 

Anyway, as payment for listening to that rant, have some of Sir Richard Bingham Whining, right from the horse’s as-mouth. I of course meant. Mouth. 

I could read this all day. Cry, Bingham, cry harder. 

Don’t think too hard about the fact that one day I might actually be in charge of a classroom, please. 

Brigid I can hopefully talk about less, to some extent, given that we know comparatively little about her. Throughout this, I’m generally going to be calling her Bríg, since I’m talking about her in a mythological context and that is what she is called in Cath Maige Tuired (which is my all time favorite, baby text, answering the third part of your question), though she is called Brigit in Cormac’s Glossary. 

So…what do we know about Bríg? Very little. But she is also an endlessly discussed figure, with the evidence being pored over again. And again. And again. A lot of the arguments have been discussed by Mark Williams in Ireland’s Immortals, the curious fact that, she is described in UNUSUALLY specific terms in Cormac’s Glossary, being described as a patroness of smiths, doctors, and poets, and there being three sisters named Brigit, one for each function. 

At the same time, however, she only really appears in one saga, the aforementioned Cath Maige Tuired, where her role is purely to keen over her son, Ruadan, that she had via her relationship (past or present, it’s kind of left ambiguous) with the former king of the Tuatha dé, Bres. It is a genuinely poignant, heartwrenching scene, a kind of rare moment of pure humanity in a text often saturated with descriptions of blood and gore and sex of literal superhuman proportions. And in all of this, a woman grieves for her son, inventing keening and giving us a reminder of the HUMAN element of war, the mothers, the wives, the women who are left to grieve in the middle of the fighting. Which, in a text that tends to be fairly misogynistic and skeptical of women’s voices, is actually intriguing. (Bríg is also associated with a lot of DARK SHIT in this section as well, such as night whistling, which is absolutely fascinating to me given that we tend to think of her as this kind of healing, sunshine and rainbows figure and this shows a distinctively different look at her.) There is also a Dinshenchas story, Loch N-Oirbsen that mentions her inventing keening for the loss of Mac Gréine, which COULD (underline COULD) indicate that the story might have pre-dated CMT, replacing the figure of her brother with her son. Or possibly vice versa; CMT influenced quite a bit of the mythological literature. 

I believe that it was Elizabeth Gray in her “Cath Maige Tuired: Myth and Structure” who pointed out that Bríg’s situation in-text is reminiscent of what many women would have dealt with during the period, their hearts torn between their fathers and, perhaps, more to the point, their fathers’ peoples, and the husbands and sons they had with the Norsemen. (Though I have…..certain doubts as to whether we should take it for granted that Bríg was WITH Bres at the time of Ruadan’s death, and all things considered, I do also question whether the entire episode was an afterthought, given that Ruadan doesn’t appear in ANY of the other lists of Bres’ children, nor is the story of his death represented in the Dindshenchas, indicating a certain lack of popularity. Nor do I believe it turns up in the early modern redaction of CMT).

This episode is one that I don’t really talk about all that much, mainly because people tend to treat it as a way of slamming Bres, or using Bríg’s grief as a battering ram against Bres, and that is something that, as the unofficial president of the Bres Fan Club….obviously rankles me. Just a bit, and is honestly one of the key reasons why I generally don’t discuss Bríg. Suffice it to say, like with Gráinne and Donal, I don’t really believe that that relationship was quite as unbalanced as people might interpret it, not the least because, in Cath Maige Tuired, a key trait of Bres’ is his dependence on the women of his life, especially his mother. Which….could create an AWKWARD situation, yes, but definitely doesn’t lend itself to the image of Bres being a tyrant at home as well as politically. 

 If they did split apart, it would be more because of Bres’ actions as king, such as his attempt at executing her father or the general treatment of poets under his reign, which, as a patroness of the poets (IF we assume that there is continuity between her appearance in Cormac and CMT, which is not inherently a given; assuming continuity in Irish Mythology is always a tricky subject because individual scribes often went their own way with this sort of thing) she would presumably be opposed to. But, of course. This isn’t really expanded on, Bríg is MASSIVELY underused in this text, and all that I really have are speculation (on an academic level) and headcanons (on a non-academic level.) 

In terms of the connection with the Catholic saint of the same name………..many people have come up with ideas, I don’t believe it’s something that will ever get resolved. I do think that many things we TEND to label as definitively part of the goddess’ traits tend to be overstated, however, with some of them being found in other Saint’s Lives, or having a similar event in the Bible, which, to an ecclesiastical audience, would be familiar. I feel like it can be very easy to get overzealous in that, because of course it’s a very, very natural thing to want something solid for someone who we KNOW was very important, yet have very little real info on. In some redactions of Lebor Gabála Érenn, Bríg is described as the mother of the Trí Dé Dána, “The Three Gods of Skill,” Tuirill, Brian, and Cet, with Bres as the father. These three are notoriously elusive and difficult to pin down, not the least because they tend to be merged with Brian, Iuachar, and Iucharba, the Sons of Tuireann, but John Carey, in his article “Myth and Mythography in Cath Maige Turied” has suggested that, given Bríg’s identification as a patron of poets, her mothering of these three “Gods of Skill,” and the close connection she has to Bres and, through him, to figures like Ogma that the whole lot of them + The Dagda, Elatha, etc. are part of a “Pantheon of Skill,” which is essentially a cluster of gods renowned by the literary elite. So, there is that. She was definitely an important figure, given……Brigantia. 

While I do not like drawing straight lines between Gaulish figures - Welsh figures - Irish figures, I will say that it seems like, at the very least, they share a common linguistic root. It does seem, judging from Caesar’s description of the Gaulish “Minerva” as being a patron of crafts, and given Bríg’s penchant for multiple crafts, that that is the figure being described, or at least someone who followed similar lines (This was argued by Proinsias Mac Cana in Celtic Mythology, pg. 34), since doubtless things would be different across geographical boundaries. (Welsh and Irish Mythology, despite having certain similarities, are distinct, I can’t imagine how much different Gaulish Mythology would be, if any of it had survived.) Something I do find interesting is that, while Mac Cana notes the Gaulish Minerva as a figure beloved by the lower class in particular, the Bríg we see in the Irish tradition is very associated with the upper class, the men of skill. But, then again, all of these written works would have been commissioned and written by and for that same elite, so it might not be that surprising at all. The oral tradition might have been very different, and perhaps the saint reflects that more. Or perhaps not. 

In terms of the connection with the Catholic saint of the same name………..many people have come up with ideas, I don’t believe it’s something that will ever get resolved. If you can get your hands on Mark Williams’ Ireland’s Immortals, I think you’ll find that most of what I say re: this topic (and….a lot of topics in general) will be echoed in there. I do think that many things we TEND to label as definitively part of the goddess’ traits tend to be overstated, however, with some of them being found in other Saint’s Lives, or having a similar event in the Bible, which, to an ecclesiastical audience, would be familiar. I feel like it can be very easy to get overzealous in that, because of course it’s a very, very natural thing to want something solid for someone who we KNOW was very important, yet have very little real info on. 

In terms of what I believe her function was….as hesitant as I am to apply a function to ANY member of the Tuatha dé, given how tenuous the evidence is and how it can kind of miss the forest for the trees in terms of literary analysis, I believe the bulk of the evidence, such as it is, rests on her association with the crafts, specifically as found in Cormac’s Glossary, with all the limitations thereof. I won’t say “No, you can’t worship her like that” to a modern pagan, I wouldn’t WANT to, because my relationship with these figures is not the same as a religious relationship. That is NOT my place. And that, if we are to take them as religious instead of literary figures, they might very well appear to different people in different ways. That being said, on an academic level, I do believe, at present, with the understanding that my views can definitely change and I am not infallible, that there is little to no evidence to suggest that she was a fire goddess, a goddess of spring, a fertility goddess, or a sovereignty goddess. The association with keening, outcry, etc., seems to also be more solid, so there COULD have been some association in there. Generally speaking, my main focus isn’t so much what a figure WAS so much as what was done with them afterwards. 

…For what was meant to be a quick note, that was very long. And tragically, I had no memes pre-prepared for this one, so I went back a month on a friend in the department’s Facebook and found this.

 I am willing to talk CMT if anyone WANTS to hear me talk about it, since it is my all time favorite myth, as well as….ANYTHING else, both the stuff I’ve discussed in this and anything else relating to the field, but I think that for this particular post, I’ll cut you free, with the hope if not the confidence that at least 1/3 of what I’ve written is vaguely coherent. 

[camillemontespan]

the interview every magazine wanted [drake walker x camille montespan]

NEW ARTICLE!! I actually loved writing this.  We got fluff, we got sass, we got corgis, we got Drake getting embarrassed about that intimate photo taken on honeymoon!

(I know some people might find this a weird way of writing fic but I genuinely enjoy writing articles like this, it’s quite fun). 

So in this, Liam asking Drake and Camille to make their baby his heir just hasn’t happened. Sorry, not in Cake’s universe. Fuck that. 

But Cordonians being all up in Camille’s vagina is all the rage! Yay!

A/N; I added another edited photo in this but there is more writing underneath in case it’s not obvious. The article doesn’t finish when the photo appears. 

@jovialyouthmusic @sirbeepsalot @pug-bitch @moonlightgem7 @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @dcbbw @iplaydrake @drakewalkerisreal @katedrakeohd @emceesynonymroll @i-bloody-love-drake-walker @carabeth @burnsoslow @notoriouscs @ritachacha @rainbowsinthestorm 

                                      ************************************

'Are we controversial?’ Duchess Camille of Valtoria asks her husband. 

The Duke shrugs. ‘If asking for privacy is controversial, then yeah, I guess we are.’

I’m meeting the newly appointed Duke and Duchess of Valtoria at a private members club for one of the most anticipated and sought after magazine interviews in the media. The interview in question will be focusing on the current royal baby obsession sweeping Cordonia. In case you have been living under a rock for the past month, everyone has been wanting Camille to get pregnant.  After weeks of dodging paparazzi and rejecting magazine interviews, the couple have finally agreed to sit down with Trend and I am the journalist in charge of writing this feature. It has to be good. To say I’m nervous is an understatement. 

Drake and Camille are notoriously private. That is the one thing you need to know about them. The fact I even got this interview is a big deal. 

‘One interview. Our only interview. Our words, no editing, no twisting what we say,’ Drake told me down the phone. I agreed. 

The thing is... Camille isn’t pregnant yet. They want to use this interview to set the record straight. 

When I meet them in the drawing room of the Cordonia Club, they both stand to greet me. Camille hugs me tight. ‘I love your dress!’ she says. Drake shakes my hand and asks what I would like to drink. 

They’re dressed casual-smart. Camille is wearing burgundy cigarette trousers, a silk dark blue vest and black suede loafers with gold lionness heads stuck on top - they’re amazing. Drake is wearing a grey fisherman sweater, dark jeans and brown suede boots. They’re a ridiculously good looking couple; it makes my heart hurt a little. 

Did I tell you that Drake smells amazing? He leans over to hand me a glass of water and I catch a whiff of sandalwood and leather. Umf. 

The first question I ask is if they think they’re controversial which they ponder for a moment before Drake’s casual answer. 

To be frank, the beginning of their marriage attracted controversy from the get go. They got married two months ago at Drake’s family ranch in Texas. They rejected the idea of a royal wedding and instead chose to be surrounded by just close friends and family, which meant no media frenzy. This angered the media and public alike.

‘As we were just starting out as the new Duke and Duchess, I don’t think we were prepared for the intense reaction our wedding would have,’ Camille tells me. She is sat curled up on a chaise lounge, her back settled against Drake. They are sat like a normal couple who binge watch box sets. Not a Duke and Duchess. ‘We didn’t realise how much the public wanted to see our wedding.’

This may sound naive but Drake and Camille genuinely had no idea how popular they were until after they became husband and wife. ‘We were commoners,’ Drake explains. ‘We weren’t in the same league as say, Bertrand, the Duke of Ramsford.’

‘But it exploded for us when we went on honeymoon,’ Camille continues. ‘We had this beautiful and intimate wedding, away from the press. No social media, nothing. We wanted away from the chaos.  It was a little bubble, you know? But as soon as we got on the plane to the Maldives, I saw the in flight magazine and oh my God, the headlines.’

They didn’t let it ruin their honeymoon though. Camille continued to drink champagne and cliff dived into the ocean - Drake shows me a video he took of Camille jumping from a cliff in her bikini and it looks terrifying, but she turns to the camera with a mega watt smile on her face before jumping off the edge. Drake shouts proudly in the video, ‘Yes baby!’  

But, the press had been savage. Articles focused on asking if the couple even cared about Cordonia while they were swigging champagne.

‘We were on our honeymoon!’ Drake protests. 

Others called them traitors for marrying in the US - ‘ridiculous because we’re both American..’ Drake mutters.  

Drake is clearly not a fan of the press. 

One tabloid conducted an investigation into Camille’s background and brought up her sad childhood; she lost her parents aged five to drugs and was adopted by her grandmother. She never went to college because she couldn’t afford it and started working aged 14 while attending school so she could help her grandmother with bills.  She waited tables at a diner until she came to Cordonia. 

Camille goes quiet when I mention her parents. ‘I guess they’re going to be brought up to me,’ she whispers. ‘I should get used to it.’

Drake takes her hand and takes over. ‘They bring up her parents in a negative way, as if her history is meant to tarnish her. But what they don’t mention is how strong Camille is, how she doesn’t let it define her. That should be the focus of that story.’

Camille smiles gratefully at Drake and I see how their relationship works. They are a team. I decide to steer the conversation away from her parents which is clearly a sore subject - besides, we are here today to discuss the current obsession with Drake and Camille having a baby.

She insists she’s not pregnant.

As soon as Drake and Camille came back from their honeymoon, her stomach became circled in paparazzi pictures, asking if she had a bump or had just eaten a lot of pasta that day. 

‘Pasta. I love pasta,’ Camille says dryly.

Social media imploded with tweets begging for a Cake baby. 

‘Cake is like our couple name..’ Drake groans. ‘Someone came up with it and christened us that abomination. Apparently we were trending on Twitter. Something about a cake baking in the oven?’

Cordonia has always been set in its ways. A traditional country that puts family and the home first, it is not modern and it often lags behind it’s European counterparts. The need for a royal baby increased, as a Duke and Duchess without a pregnancy within the first year is seen as bad luck and will bring about instability.

‘There’s talk that if we don’t have a baby, the country will be unstable,’ Camille says. ‘I don’t know how we have had that pressure placed on our shoulders but I’ll tell you now, I don’t like it. I don’t appreciate being bombarded by paparazzi shouting at us, asking how many times we fucked on our honeymoon. I don’t appreciate having every outfit I wear scrutinised for a baby bump. I don’t appreciate it when journalists joke to Drake asking if he’s had ‘some sweet ass today.’ I’ve had so-called doctors talk to newspapers charting my health and chances of getting pregnant. What goes on inside my uterus is nobody’s business except ours.’ 

‘I literally protect her wherever we go now,’ Drake joins in. ‘If we’re leaving a building, I scout the most hidden exit. I keep her shielded from the press. We’re both under pressure in different ways but I honestly wish Camille didn’t have any of it. She’s under so much pressure to have a baby and we’ve only been married two months.’

I ask if they should have expected this sudden obsession because of who they are. Drake stares at me, a hard expression on his face. 

‘We may be the Duke and Duchess of Valtoria but we didn’t sign up for this,’ he answers. ‘We’ll take the title, we’ll take on the responsibilities required of us to support Valtoria, hell, we’re happy to do all that. But we won’t stand for being hounded. I won’t stand for it. I want Camille safe and last week, she wasn’t.’

Last week, Camille was mobbed when she was out with her friends, Olivia Nevrakis, the Duchess of Lythikos, and Lady Hana Lee. A mob of photographers chased after the three friends on the way to Camille's car, surrounding the vehicle so they couldn't drive away. The photographs made front page news with Olivia flicking up her middle finger at the camera and Camille screaming at the paparazzi to leave her alone. Hana continously beeped the car horn, shouting for them to move.

Drake shakes his head. 'I was so angry about that. By all means, take photos of us from a distance but don't terrify my wife.  Don't chase her and her friends. That's why I've started talks to issue a restraining order. Some of those paps went too far.’

Drake has indeed done that. Details are being kept hush for now but soon, the majority of the press won't be able to go near the Duke and Duchess. We don't know how strict this will be but knowing Drake, it will be a big change.

‘We went into this agreeing that we were going to do it our way,’ he tells me. ‘We want to be the most normal Duke and Duchess Cordonia has ever seen and that applies to any kids we might have. The happiest times of my childhood was when I was in Texas; Camille’s happy memories stem from playing in the garden with her grandmother. That is the kind of stuff I want for our kids.’

But surely nobility aren’t the same as commoners?

Drake chuckles. ‘We’re changing that from the inside.’

I point out that they are like the Duke and Duchess of Sussex - or, to use their more popular names, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. Both couples crave privacy and Meghan herself has been under scrutiny by the British public and press. 

Camille sighs. ‘I feel worse for her because she’s married into a dynasty. We aren’t even related to the king; but Harry is. So Meghan has stepped into this role, right into the deep end.  A lot is put on her shoulders.’

I ask if she has met Meghan. 

Camille hesitates. ‘No, but she’s written me a note. We’re both similar in terms of our situation. American, not born into royalty, people wanting to know about every aspect of our lives. A true rags to riches tale, as one tabloid described me.’ She sounds bitter at this. 

‘Hey, at least Meghan’s got Harry,’ Drake jokes. ‘You got me and I’m as common as you! I know nothing!’

Camille nudges him gently with her elbow and giggles. ‘Yeah but you’re Drake Walker. Oh my Lord, you’re the best.’ 

Drake grins and they look a little lost in a daydream, blushing at each other. I forget they are still in that honeymoon stage and not yet wanting to punch each other in the face. 

I go back to their desire for privacy, bursting their bubble.  I look at Drake, who reddens but straightens his back. He knows what’s coming. 

On their honeymoon, Camille took a private photo of Drake. Little did she know that her phone would get hacked and the photo made international news. Yes, it even spread out from Cordonia. 

The photo - in case you haven’t seen it and if you haven’t, you have definitley been  living under a rock- showed Drake naked from the waist up, his lower half covered by bed sheets, reclining against the headboard. He is smirking at the camera, a staged pose that made many women -myself included- and also many men hot under the collar. 

He looked rugged. Like he had just come back from cutting wood outdoors and just wants to relax in front of his lady love before drinking whiskey by the fire. 

I ask if it’s okay to bring this photo up because the shade of beetroot that Drake has turned is making me falter. 

‘Fine, I’m just going to own it,’ Drake sighs, holding his hands up. ‘It was a fun thing, only meant for Camille’s eyes, and shocker- it went viral.’ 

Camille takes his hand. ‘Sure, when we first saw that the photo had been leaked, we were shocked. It was a huge violation. I wanted to hunt down the person who leaked the picture.  But then when I thought about it, I was like ‘hell yeah, that’s my husband!’ He looks amazing in that picture and he’s all mine.’

‘You have to say that..’ Drake says, blushing. ‘You’re my wife.’

Camille rolls her eyes. ‘Drake, anyone with a pulse loved that picture. Remember Smith from Sex and the City who posed naked with a vodka bottle? That was my sexual awakening! Just think: you have been some innocent girl’s sexual awakening!’

Drake looks horrified. 

I mention that a few of my colleagues had the picture saved as their phone screensaver. Camille bursts out laughing. Drake stares at me. ‘Who does that?!’ he asks, his voice turning high pitched.

Camille shakes her head. ‘Drake, you can’t talk. You had Salma Hayek saved as your phone screensaver for years.’

‘Yeah, until I met you! Besides, I was really young then! Now my phone screensaver is of you!’

They’re bickering like a married couple. Which they are. It’s really sweet. 

‘My mom texted me about the photo,’ Drake admits. 

Camille giggles. ‘What did she say? Oh yeah- ‘that’s my boy!’ She falls about laughing and Drake grabs her, tickling her under the arms. She starts screaming. 

‘She hates being tickled,’ Drake tells me, while still tickling her. ‘Don’t ya, Camille?’

‘I yield!’ Camille gasps. Drake lets go but the two of them are still tactile; their hands are always touching. 

I ask what’s next for them as Duke and Duchess. Camille grins. ‘We have corgis now.’

Drake laughs. ‘She’s obsessed with our new corgis.’

Camille shows me photos of their dogs on her phone. ‘Cheddar was getting lonely so we got Olive. Look at Olive! Look at how giddy she is when Drake arrives home!’ She shows me a short video of Drake coming home and Olive is bounding around his feet, barking excitedly. You can hear Drake saying, ‘Yes Olive, I love you too...’

Camille puts away her phone and looks at me seriously. ‘Honestly though? What’s next for us? I just want us to be happy. That’s all I want for us.’

Drake squeezes her hand. ‘Whatever that entails, I’m so ready for it.’ 

                          A month later, which is when this interview is about to go to print, Drake and Camille issue a statement:

We are pleased to announce that we are expecting a baby. The baby is due in September and we couldn’t be more excited and thrilled. We would appreciate privacy during this time in our lives so we can focus on planning for our new family and look forward to meeting our new arrival in the Autumn. 

-The Duke and Duchess of Valtoria

The kingdom goes crazy. The press try to take photos of the couple, but thanks to Drake’s newly established restraining order, photographers aren’t allowed within ten feet of the Duke and Duchess. 

Magazines are full of baby name predictions. Some ask who the baby will look like. Drake the DILF memes go viral.

But shielded away from the craziness are Drake and Camille. They attend royal events, wave to the cameras and meet adoring fans. Someone took a photo of an older lady speaking to Camille before handing her a present; it’s a tiny babygro with an embroidered corgi on the front and Camille shows it to Drake, her eyes filling with happy tears. 

Drake and Camille have set boundaries around their life and I don’t blame them. But they will still go to these events and smile at the cameras and talk to journalists because that is their job. That is what they have to do and they accept that. 

What they don’t have to do is tell everyone about every single intimate detail of their lives. 

Had Drake and Camille known they were expecting a baby when I interviewed them? Well, Camille drank water and insisted a lot that she wasn’t pregnant. She seemed more excited about their corgis. 

Maybe she didn’t know. 

But I realise this is not my business. It is their business, nobody else’s. 

And as a journalist who craves the next big story, I have to say; I’m in Drake and Camille’s corner. 

[brightbeautifulthings]

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas (trans. Robin Buss)

"'I have heard it said that the dead have never done, in six thousand years, as much evil as the living do in a single day.'"

Year Read: 2019

Rating: 3/5

Context: Last year’s year-long Les Mis read went so well, I decided to choose another intimidating classic to tackle in the same fashion this year. I know myself, and if I don't deliberately pace out a book like this, I'll try to read a thousand pages in a week, and it will just be a miserable experience. (That's not to say some classics aren't miserable experiences regardless of how you read them, but that's another issue entirely.) The Count of Monte Cristo was calling to me from the shelf, and by pure luck, I already owned the edition I wanted to read (plus a B&N abridged version that promptly went into the donation box). Reviews overwhelmingly praise Robin Buss’s translation for ease/modernity, and the Penguin Classics haven’t let me down yet.

For my less coherent updates in real-time: I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX. My review is spoiler-free, but my updates are not, so read with caution if you’re not familiar. Trigger warnings: In a book with a thousand pages? Everything, probably, but for sure death, parent/child death, suicide/suicidal thoughts, severe illness, guns, abduction, poisoning, slavery, mental illness, sexism, ableism, grief, depression.

About: When forces conspire to have sailor Edmond Dantès arrested for a crime he didn't commit, he spends years in a hellish prison, fighting to stay sane. Through bravery and good fortune, he manages to escape, and he assumes a new identity for himself: The Count of Monte Cristo. Under this guise, he inserts himself into the lives of the French nobility, vowing revenge on those who wronged him.

Thoughts: Like most thousand page novels, there's no reason this novel needs to be a thousand pages, but the one thing I can say about them, collectively, is that I come away feeling like I have a relationship with them that I usually don't get from a shorter book unless I've read it multiple times. And it makes sense: I've been reading this book for a year. I've had relationships with actual humans that were much shorter than that. Dumas's prose (helped along by Buss's translation) is accessible and not overly dry, if not quite as humorous as Victor Hugo’s. Thanks to both of them, I now have a rudimentary understanding of the French Revolution and the difference between a Royalist and Bonapartist (because truly the only way to make me read about history is to put it in a novel).

Dumas proves himself more capable of staying on topic though, with one or two exceptions. The only margin note I cared to write was, apparently, "Horrible digression", and I stand by that. As soon as the novel leaves Dantès’s perspective, it gets less interesting, beginning with Franz encountering Sinbad the Sailor on Monte Cristo and continuing with the Very Weird and Terrible Side Anecdotes about bandits in Rome. Otherwise, much of the storyline is more or less linear, without the intricacies of Waterloo or the Paris sewer system. It grows more chaotic as the book goes on though, with frequent digressions into every character's backstory.

The plot takes such a drastic turn that it's almost like reading two different novels with two different main characters. At the beginning, it’s most like an adventure story. There are sailors, prison breaks, and buried treasure. Yet, for all those things, it’s surprisingly un-suspenseful. Dumas has a very stolid way of story-telling. The pace is almost supernaturally consistent, so that even things that probably should have tension in them are presented as a matter of course. (Or maybe I’m just hugely desensitized by media.) I wasn’t as excited as I thought I should be during some of the more compelling parts, but there’s something reassuring about Dumas’s relentlessly straightforward story-telling.

The middle takes a major dip in interest. Cue a lot of long and tedious backstories, plus Monte Cristo's elaborate set-ups to take down his enemies. It basically devolves into a soap opera of the various dramas of Paris’s rich and powerful families. Monte Cristo barely needs to lift a finger to destroy these people, since with a few mostly harmless suggestions, it looks like they're all going to self-destruct at any moment without outside help. The ending never really recovers from the action of the beginning, thanks in large part to the characters. There are more than it's worth keeping track of, including a lot of side characters, family members, and name changes. A detailed, spoiler-free flow chart of how everyone is connected to everyone else would have been helpful. (But be careful about Googling those because spoilers.)

Edmond Dantès is an easy hero to pull for, since he’s honest, good, and capable, and he has a kind of earnest faith that things will work out that’s endearing. He goes through a fair amount of character development in prison, and his father/son relationship with Faria is especially moving. On the other hand, it's difficult to like his alternate persona, The Count of Monte Cristo. Dumas goes a bit overboard in making him filthy rich and knowledgeable about literally every subject, and no matter how generous he is to his slaves, they're still slaves. Whether he’s playing the part of a pompous ass or is actually a pompous ass is sort of irrelevant by the end. There are a couple of flailing attempts at character development in the last sections where he wonders whether he had the right to do everything he did, but it's too little/too late to make much of an impact.

The story wouldn't work without some Shakespeare-level villains. Danglars is Iago whispering in Othello’s ear, and Villefort is even more insidious because his upstanding citizen act is so convincing. Caderousse is just a coward, and it’s interesting to see how jealousy, ambition, and fear all play an integral part in condemning an innocent man. Mercédès is a bland love interest; Valentine and Morrel are basically the Cosette and Marius of the novel, but at least there are some decent people on the page to pull for. Much as I dislike all the descriptors of Eugenie as “masculine” (because she must be less of a woman if she has a mind of her own), she's a powerhouse, and I was living for her lesbian relationship with her piano instructor.

It's clear Dumas has no idea when to end a story, since every time I thought we'd wrapped up a plot with a certain character, they'd resurface a few chapters later to spin it out a little further. Though everything (and I do mean everything) moves much more slowly than necessary, I was satisfied with the way it all played out. It's hard to come back from a main character I can barely stand though, and I happen to not like novels where nearly every character is terrible. While I found Les Mis surprisingly relevant on its social commentary, I’m struggling to see why Monte Cristo has stuck around. Only the first parts could reliably be called an "adventure novel," and the rest is purely middle of the road.

[quills-and-golden-ink]

Welcome one and all to the second part of the Monthly Guide to Monsters! The talented @downwithwritersblock​ and I have teamed up to bring you some quick and easy guides to some of the world’s most infamous creatures. 

The guide will include: basic background, historical information, abilities, how to defeat them, and portrayals in media. They’ll probably also come with some short stories or prompts! 

For this week, I’ve been tasked with probably one of my favourite mythological beings: vampires. These will be posted on Mondays and Thursdays, excluding this week (since I’ve been busy with stuff). We hope you enjoy! 

Monster Guide #2: The Vampire

Definition: A vampire is an undead or immortal being from folklore that subsists by feeding off the vital force (usually blood) of the living. Vampires are typically creatures that bring about mischief or death. For a long time, vampires were synonymous with demons. Many cultures actually classified vampires as being corpses that were possessed and animated by a demon.

Description: Many early tales described vampires to be bloated; with ruddy, dark, or purple skin, and almost always wearing some kind of dark shroud to hide themselves in (that they usually bring with them from their own grave). It wasn’t until the 19th century, with our more modern day lore that we started to see the classic frail, or gaunt and pale vampires that we have grown used to seeing in the media.

Abilities: These change from culture to culture, although many of them were birthed by Bram Stoker's Novel “Dracula” (which were, btw, super OP). Included are some of the most common abilities associated with vampires (you’ll notice that “glittering in sunlight” is absent because of this). 

Usually immortal, or with at least a very prolonged life span

Increased abilities such as strength, speed, sight, hearing and smell. 

Flight

Some hypnosis, telepathy, illusionary magic. 

Shapeshifting (typically into a bat)

Vampire’s Baptism: the act of healing one with a vampires blood, or turning one into a vampire through mutual biting

Regenerative healing

Immune or really unaffected by conventional or normal means of attack (like being punched, stabbed or shot) 

Night vision

Preventing Vampirism: Vampires eventually caused a bit of hysteria in some cultures, so we see many examples throughout the world of people trying to prevent the rise of the undead.

Some ways found to prevent the rise of a vampire were:

Buried upside down or flipped over.

Some cultures places scythes or sickles beside graves to satisfy the demons they thought would possess the dead. Why? Don’t know but that’s sick. 

Religious symbols, like wax crosses or pieces of pottery with biblical messages like “Jesus Christ Conquers” were commonly placed on corpses to prevent vampirism.

Some took the practical route and decided that separating or destroying the tendons in the legs of the deceased would also keep the dead from rising.

Shooting a bullet through the casket right before burial was also common

Some would put pieces of steel or silver over the corpse’s eyes, in their mouth, in their ears, or in between their fingers.

Pushing Iron needles through the heart was also said to stop a vampire from rising.

Decapitating after death. 

Curing and Killing: 

Garlic was said to keep away vampires

Crucifixes and rosaries were typically said to keep a vampire away.

They could not cross onto sacred or consecrated ground (like a church)

It’s also said they could not cross over running water (no bridges for vampires)

Some folklore says that they lacked shadows and would not show up in a mirror or a photograph (some folklore states that this is a reflection of their lack of a soul, although it could be due to the use of silver in these things)

Sprinkling mustard seeds along the roof of your house was said to keep vampires away, but if it didn't, you’d be alright becauseeee

Vampires, in many myths, could not enter a home without first being invited in. Be careful though, they only need the one invite. After that they might just be able to come and go from your house as they please.

Wild rose stems or hawthorn branches could potentially harm them

In many legends, vampires are warded off, and sometimes even harmed by silver. (Old mirrors were commonly backed with silver, and old photography also used silver specks, which might be the reason they’re not seen in them)

Holy Water or other items blessed by a priest were said to keep them away, and possibly even hurt them.

Vampires were said to be nocturnal, and were very vulnerable or damaged in sunlight. It might have even been able to kill them.

Being set on fire can kill just about everything, and vampires were no exception. 

@downwithwritersblock‘s favourite way to stop a vampire: Arithmomania. An expression or type of OCD in which the person who suffers from it feels compelled to count either their actions or the objects around them.  In many cultures around the world, especially in Eastern Europe and in Asia, it’s said that if you place small seeds (usually poppy seeds), sand or a type of grain like rice beside the grave, or in front of the vampire, they would compulsively have to count it, and that would keep them busy until either you kill them, or until the sunrises and the light kills them for you.

Decapitation was also a very common method in both preventing, and killing vampires.

And of course the most famous of all; A wooden stake through the heart. Many cultures will also tell you that the stake has to be made out of the same kind of wood as the cross that Jesus was crucified on.

History: Here we’ve included two of the most famous “real life vampires” in history! Up first we have...

Vlad Tepes (or as he’s more commonly known: Vlad the Impaler, or Vlad Dracula).

Born between 1428 and 1431 and died in either 1476 or 1477.

He was Prince of Walachia 3 times between 1448 and his death

The second son of Vlad Dracul, who ruled Walachia

Imprisoned in Transylvania, held in Visegrad from 1463 to 1475.

Vlad II got the name ‘Dracul’ when he joined ‘The Order of the Dragon’, a ‘monarchical chivalric order for selected nobility’ in middle Eastern Europe (aka it was mainly Germanic states).

Dracul(a) means ‘Dragon’, and in more modern Romanian it means ‘The Devil’

Vlad III’s prefered method of execution was impalement. Hence the nickname ‘Vlad the Impaler’

Rumours and stories of Vlad spread fast, in fact, books about his cruel acts were best sellers in the German speaking territories.

However, to his own people, Vlad was usually seen as a warrior and a hero.

Bram Stoker was the one to turn Vlad into the legendary vampire with his well known book “Dracula,” published in 1897. It relied on many of the ancient myths of blood suckers found in Romanian folklore. The novel was very loosely based on Vlad, considering Bram Stoker didn't actually know a whole lot about Vlad and Walachia.

Bram Stoker is also among the first to change the traditional vampire into what we know today. His book is, or at least part of the reason that the image of vampires shift into one that is pale and thin, the lack of a reflection or shadow probably starts with his novel as well.

Secondly, we have my favourite: Elizabeth Bathory, aka “The Blood Countess.” 

Considered to be the first female serial killer.

The accusations change a bit depending on the story, but, Elizabeth was a Countess who was accused of taking, torturing and killing hundreds of young girls. She was accused of some pretty gnarly torture methods like covering people in honey and ants, or burning and then dunking people in freezing water, not to mention mutilation. She was accused of cannibalism. She was also said to drink the blood of her victims, earning her the nickname ‘Countess Dracula’. Some also say that as a regular part of her beauty regimen she would drain the blood of young virgin girls, and bathe in it to help keep her young and beautiful. Sometimes I like to call her the inventor of the first bath bomb.

The highest number of victims she was accused of was 650; however, this, like many parts of her story are questionable, and from unreliable or iffy sources.

Vampires in Media: This list is absolutely massive, so I’ve included twelve titles. This includes books, tv shows, and movies, but excludes video games. 

Buffy The Vampire Slayer (TV show, movie, comics)

The Vampire Chronicles/Interview with a Vampire by Anne Rice (movie and book)

Carmilla (1871 novel, cute lesbian 2014 youtube series, movie)

The Vampire Diaries (TV Show)

True Blood (Book series, TV show)

Van Helsing (Movie, TV show)

Dracula by Bram Stoker (1897 Novel)

30 Days Of Night (movie)

Twilight (Book series, movie)

The Originals (TV show)

Angel (TV show)

Blade (Movie)

And my personal favourite, which doesn’t fall under any specific monster, is the Women of the Otherworld series by Kelley Armstrong. Would highly recommend. It’s 13 books in the main series, and features all sorts of awesome and well-known supernatural entities such as (but not limited to): werewolves, vampires, half-demons, witches, sorcerers, demons, angels, and necromancers. Fun 18+ supernatural mystery read (with triggers for violence, gore, and explicit sexual content however. Reader discretion is advised.)

Prompts:

1. “You’re so coldblooded!”

    “Uh, yeah? I literally don’t have any blood?” 

2. “The worst part about being a vampire is not being able to take selfies. Do you know how much I miss looking at my own beautiful face?” 

3. “I suppose the best part of this whole ordeal is not having to spend so much time in the vanity.” 

4. “I’m scared to do my eyeliner.”

5. “Werewolves have it so easy! What’s the big deal with turning into a wolf every once in a while? I’d slaughter a country if it meant I could go outside and enjoy the sun. Even as a four-legged mutt.”

[atimefordragons]

100 Intelligence, 0 Wisdom || EHS

☾♔; June 17, 2020 ☾♔; 12:26am ☾♔; sotd: Tuhje Dekha To (DDLJ)   ☾♔; cotd: Dick Grayson   ☾♔; Elite Highschool ☾♔; Side/NPC Profiles

𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: lol, a summary of all 5 Sheremetev kids

----------->UPDATE: description abandoned. The group was shutdown and I've been kicked from the discord, so there's no point in finishing this set. I'll just make a new one when I inevitably recycle the characters.

Most of their profiles were done anyway, but whatever, I’m not putting any more effort into something I’m not involved in anymore.

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【𝕀ℕ𝕊ℙ𝕆 ℂℝ𝔼𝔻】@ maybones

As always, lolz. Soz for always using you as inspo, but you are the unrivaled Queen of Talent and Set making.

Was specifically inspired by this set: https://urstyle.fashion/styles/2523719 And as always, failed in mimicking it.

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I have made a new version of Tuhje Dekha To: Tuhje Dekha Toh ye jana sanam Main tuhje nufrat karti, kuti kamini

Loose Translation: When I saw you beloved, I knew That I despise you, you fucking bitch

(kuti kamini doesn’t literally mean fucking bitch, but that’s the emotional weight, or inflection or whatever behind it tbh - it doesn’t mean bitch though, like, from a literal translation, it kinda means bitch, bitch, since kuti and kamini both mean bitch)

Lol, ya, it doesn’t really flow with the music, but whatever. I’m fucking pissed and TDT was stuck in my head, so the lyrics went from love to rage.

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𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘

The Sheremetev’s are a unique bunch of siblings, in that not a single one is biologically related to another. All, but the youngest were adopted by Ivan Borisovich Sheremetev, his youngest, and only biological, child eventually passing into his custody. They’re a family of 7, Ivan, their father, Feodor Brezhnev, their butler/emotional grandfather, Rodya, the big brother, Adya, Emil, and Shion, the NOT triplets, and Erasyl, the brat- I mean baby. Because they’re not his biological children, they’re often labelled as charity cases, though they can pretty much brush it off at this point. Since Ivan does not make a blood distinction between his kids, Erasyl is often thought to have been adopted too. Are they just the batfam repackaged as Russian bourgeoisie? lol, yeah.

The House of Sheremetev are former Russian nobility, and in the age of the Empire, were amongst the wealthiest and most influential families in Imperial Russia. They held many high commanding ranks in the Russian military, governorships and were given title of "Count" (Граф graf), which in Russian society was the third highest, the first obviously being the rank of Tsar, followed by Prince (Князь knyaz) - a Russian prince was not necessarily royalty, but more equivalent to a western Duke. Notable Sheremetev's include Yelena Sheremeteva, who was the third and final wife of Tsarevich Ivan Ivanovich (1554–1581), the son of Ivan IV (better known to history as Ivan the Terrible), and Fedor Sheremetev, cousin of Tsar Mikhail I and head of government in 1613–18 and 1642–46.

During the revolution, the line that led to the current Sheremetev's stayed in Russia. A handful were executed, but one became a party man and ardent supporter of the regime. By the time of the union’s collapse, numerous members of the Sheremetev family had served in the government, military, and KGB throughout the existence of the Union. Boris Sheremetev, father of Ivan, was a member of the Council of Ministers when it was dissolved in 1991, and Anastasia Sheremeteva, Ivan’s mother, was a high ranking member of the KGB. During the upheavel of the economic shift from communist to capitalist, and mass privatization of the Russian and post-Soviet state economies, both Sheremetev parents were killed in highly suspicious circumstances. Their murders remain unsolved, though were blamed on Bratva’s. The Sheremetev’s had already taken part in Gorbachev’s attempt to create a mixed socialist economy, and during the post-Soviet transition period, they bought numerous government contracts and assets, primarily in the arms, oil, and energy industries, quickly establishing themselves as Oligarchs in the new world order. In the modern day, all Sheremetev assets are controlled under the banner of Sheremetev Enterprises (Шереме́тевы Компании Sheremetev  Kompanii), often shortened to SKomp. Due to the industries, and their closely maintained friendship with the Russian government, the Sheremetev family is amongst one of the wealthiest in Russia and the world at large.

Ivan Sheremetev, current head of the family and their business, is the only child of Boris and Anastasia. Their respective jobs already came with a level of paranoia and strict safety measures in the family, but their deaths made Ivan far more cautious and obsessive. Ivan was a teenager when his parents died (somewhere between 15-18) and he’s basically become a doomsday prepper, but instead of a Zombie invasion or whatever, he’s more concerned that some goon will invade his house. Bitch has the most insane and overkill security system in the world, plus he does all that martial arts and marvel superhero training. And then he went and had kids, and somehow managed to become even more hypervigilant, makes them all take at least one “bad bitch, kick your ass” type class (judo, krav maga, etc). He rarely drinks in public, fucking nerd even drank gingerale and pretended it was alcohol so he could keep his wits about him. He used to masquerade as a party boy to keep people disarmed around him, but after adopting children, especially once he had the non-triplets, he just acts as the truth; tired father. 100% uses them as an excuse to avoid parties and the media (lol, he’s just a brooding loner type who has maybe 12 friends, and 5 of those are his kids). Ivan is bad at expressing emotions, but genuinely loves his kids, and is simultaneously the most laid back and most helicopter parent ever. The kids are out late? It’s okay, I trust them, and they’ll call if something bad happens. One of them fell off the monkeybars on the school playground? I AM SUING THEM FOR CHILD ENDANGERMENT!

𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐕 ➤AGE: 18 ➤BIRTHPLACE: Yakutsk, Russia ➤RESIDENCE: St. Petersburg, Russia ➤BIRTHDAY: March 21 ➤FACE CLAIM: Simon Nessman

➤PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: Overall, he’s a pretty decent guy. Big, big brother energy, also has a lot of dad energy, and is a mother hen. The type of guy that says “you kids these days”, even though he’s barely a year older. Rather sarcastic, but it’s mostly playful, loves a pun. Is pretty and petty, kind of a hoe, we got a male Anto here. Somersaults and does splits and other flippy shit completely randomly while walking, just ‘cause he can. He’s extra like that. Loves to tease his younger siblings, and will purposefully embarrass them, he will yell across campus to do so, “HEY ERASYL, REMEMBER HOW YOU GOT SCARED BY THE CAT LAST WEEK AND SNUCK INTO MY ROOM!” Has also yelled relationship advice and dating tips. Also more explicit tips. Despite his embarrassing tendencies, hoe nature, and general playfulness, apart from Feodor (the butler), Rodya is the certified adult™️ of the family, when any of the other Sheremetev kids have a problem, they all go directly to him, skipping over Ivan, who also goes to Rodya when he’s got a problem (but has great difficulty owning up to the problem too). Because of their emotionally stunted father, Rodya has become the emotional support of the family, though he certainly wasn’t always good at it. By the time Ivan brought Emil into the family, Rodya (around 13 at the time) quickly grew up to help the traumatized Emil adjust to the new family (lol, they’re all traumatized), and changed his previously dismissive and rude behaviour towards Adya. Because he took over what should’ve fallen to the parent, Rodya has a lot of buried issues himself, particularly a temper, which flares up whenever any of his family or friends are being attacked in some way. Insulting one of my brat’s? Lol, let me teach you what gravel tastes like. Rodya seems like the best behaved of them all, he’s outwardly the most polite and charming Sheremetev, but he’s the most dangerous and vicious of them all.

➤LIKES: Cereal (is possibly addicted to it??? Can eat it for any meal and as a snack, it is genuinely a concern), Tequila (this wasn’t intentional, but I’ve been going through dick grayson memes for inspiration, and I vote Rodya as Anto’s best friend, the Princess can suck it), he a Gucci boy, winter, ice skating, eurovision, Frozen and disney movies in general, will belt those songs out at any time of the day or night, but Frozen has a special place in his heart ➤DISLIKES: Brooding people (got enough of that in his family), clowns, lazy fashion (black suit, white shirt again? Fucking try my dude), teen language constantly evolving (what happened to thristing? wtf is simping?), overpowering scents (like axe, that shit gross yo, have some class) ➤HOBBIES: Gymnastics and acrobatics (has no interest in joining a circus, but it helps him feel close to his parents), boxing (needs to beat up anyone that might threaten his family), karate (black belt), coding/hacking, frolicking (lol, is that a hobby? Hanging out with the friends and the “kids” - his sibs)  

➤RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHERS: Rodion gets along best with everyone else in the family, and is pretty much the lightning rod guiding them all back together. He’s grandpa’s (Feodor) sassy lil baby boy forever, and the only other person to sometimes have a brain cell, he’s dad’s (Ivan) pride and joy, not to mention emotional rock. Rodya feels so that Ivan doesn’t have to. He keeps Adya in check, is Emil’s idol, Shion’s best bro, and Erasyl’s actual dad (not really, but he parents Erasyl more than Ivan, so). When asked who’s their favourite member of the family, every Sheremetev without hesitation will answer Rodion (for himself, he’ll refuse to answer, he’s nice like that).  

➤SHORT BIO: The first, and the favourite; Rodion was born as Rodion Petyrovich Kirilov, his parents, Petyr and Masha, were members of a contemporary circus (a la cirque du soleil, but smallers, and in Russia), as a rarity in the contemporary circus, the Kirilov’s were a circus family, but that’s more of an arguable point, since Petyr and Masha were individually trained, and they were only beginning to pass on their skills, etc to Rodion when the thing™️ happened. When he was 5, Rodion’s parents were killed in what seemed to be an act gone wrong (though in truth a jealous member of the circus messed with the rigging, causing them to plummet to their deaths). Ivan Sheremetev just happened to have been attending that very show, and also just happened to witness the murderer in the act, and relayed his information to the police. As an orphan himself, though he was much older than Rodya when his parents died, Ivan empathized with the young child, and adopted him on pretty much impulse. Because he is so much dumber than he seems (he eats burgers with a knife and fork), he was able to win over young Rodya due to being “funny”, and they established their own little family, Rodya quickly picking up Feodor’s sassy remarks, and becoming a little darling by Ivan’s side at fancy Russian events.

When Adrian was brought into the family, Rodya was far from the best big brother he is now. Adya came into the family with Rodya was 11 (Adya himself was 10), so for 6 years, he was the only child in Ivan and Feodor’s care, and was certainly spoiled by the two. Adya’s arrival sparked First Child Syndrome in Rodya, who absolutely detested having to share the limelight now with another kid. He was incredibly rude to Adya, and repeatedly referred to him as a replacement, which resulted in Adya lashing out and running away a few times as well. He’s really not proud of this, not to mention, he’s definitely where Adya learned that replacement insult from, and subsequently used on Emil. He eventually got over it mostly on his own, though got a nice little pep talk from Feodor about how all three (Rodya, Adya, and Ivan) are just lost children who need to find a family, and Rodya begrudgingly began extending an olive branch to Adya and trying to get along with him, even being the one to bring him back to the manor a couple of times. He was much better prepared when Emil arrived 2 years later and smoothly transitioned into the “Best Big Brother” mantle he has now, and continued being the best bro when Shion and Erasyl arrived, though the younger ones started having issues with not being the new baby anymore (lmao, welcome to the club you dorks).  The day Rodion left for EHS was hilariously emotional, they were all crying ‘cause they didn’t want him to go, which in turn made him cry too. The other kids didn’t talk to Ivan for a week ‘cause he sent big brother away (overdramatic much, they’d be joining him in a year, two for Erasyl, anyway).

𝐀𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐍 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐕 ➤AGE: 17   ➤BIRTHPLACE: Moscow, Russia ➤RESIDENCE: St. Petersburg, Russia ➤BIRTHDAY: August 16 ➤FACE CLAIM: Sean O’Pry

➤PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: (1) angry boi. He’s so petty and broken, and like, just needs love? He had a less than stellar relationship with his birth parents, and does not easily trust people. Adrian struggles the most with being called a “charity case”, it’s not really the insult that bothers him, but the implication that he isn’t loved by his dad, because he can’t fully trust that Ivan genuinely loves him as his son (plus Ivan isn’t exactly a share-my-feelings type, so that’s no help). Adya is quick to throw a punch, and has no patience, at all. If something is bothering him, he reacts immediately, usually with anger. On the flip side, he’s also really sweet and a nerd. Like that trope of “Bad boy who picks up cats in the rain”, that’s him, to a T! He loves literature and can recite Shakespeare from memory alone (lol, and has the nerve to call Emil a nerd), and is generally rather prickly, but if you can shave down those spikes, you’ve got a friend for life in him. ➤LIKES: Poetry, plays, literature, shakespeare, history, mythology, tolstoy, dostoyevsky, the beach, whiskey ➤DISLIKES: clowns, drugs (just say no), cops (acab), fire (he’s a tad pyrophobic), enclosed spaces (also claustrophobic), being told what to do (not a fan of being controlled) ➤HOBBIES: Reading, studying (he’s such a nerd), weight-lifting (does that count as a hobby?), mixed martial arts, napping, homework (lol, lil mr. bad boy here is top of the class), drama club (backstage stuff and directing, also script)     ➤RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHERS: It's complicated. When he first arrived to the Manor, he had a very teasing, bratty relationship with Rodya (he teased his new big brother, 'cause lol, dad loves me more now, you weren't enough), which Rodya did not like, but underwent the same crisis when Ivan brought Emil home and was much worse about. He has trust issues and has run away from home numerous times, but most of the time he went back on his own, or was quickly found by Ivan (and later Rodya). He deeply loves his family, but struggles with admitting it, and is fearful that they do not love him. He gets along the least with Emil, who was adopted 2 years after him, and frequently, to this day, calls him a replacement (something he picked up from Rodya). As both are aggressive types, he technically gets along the best with Erasyl, often teaming up to pull off shenanigans and teenage rebellion, but they constantly argue, and each views the other as the “stupid” one in their duo (lol, you’re both dumb). They’re also both super scared of Shion (she beat him up for talking shit). His relationship with Ivan is the most complicated, because he wants Ivan’s love and approval, but also refuses to admit that, though he does have it (even though Ivan struggles with admitting it too - they’re all so dumb).

➤SHORT BIO: The second one and resident “bad boy” (LOL, he’s so not), Adrian was born to Andrei and Olga Petrov, a regular working class family. Olga left them when Adya was 2, and Andrei subsequently remarried to a woman named Alina. Alina was a drug addict, as well as a drug dealer (she specialized in Heroin), which is how she and Andrei met. Both were addicts and frequently abused Adrian while high, when in withdrawal, and when completely sober. He was routinely locked out of their apartment and left to sleep outside in the freezing cold. Because of his upbringing, Adrian has had to learn to fend for himself, often resorting to petty crime just to survive. It’s how he met Ivan, as he was trying to steal the wheels off of Ivan’s fancy ass car to sell, but was discovered, and instead of trying to run, idiot decided I’m just gonna attack this guy. Ivan instead, decided to take Adrian in, easily getting custody of him from his birth parents and eventually formalizing the adoption. For this, Adrian is eternally grateful, and hasn’t seen his parents since the night Ivan caught him trying to jack his wheels (or however you say it).

The young Adrian was prone to tantrums, and often ran away from home, but was calmed down and brought back each time, usually by Ivan, a few times by Rodya, and sometimes he would come back on his own. The introduction of Emil in the family was a shocker for him, and made him feel as if he wasn’t enough, ‘cause who needs 3 kids? Not to mention, Emil, unlike himself and Rodya, came from upper society, so he felt a lot of inadequacy, which he dealt with by lashing out. He still dislikes Emil the most, even with Erasyl’s shouts about being the “blood son”. On the plus side, at least he mostly gets along with Rodya now. Technically speaking, Adrian is the youngest of the not-triplets (himself, Emil, and Shion), but having been adopted second acts as the oldest, and gets away with it due to his aggressive and independent nature.

𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐋 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐕 ➤AGE: 17   ➤BIRTHPLACE: Greiz, Germany ➤RESIDENCE: St. Petersburg, Russia ➤BIRTHDAY: July 19 ➤FACE CLAIM: Louis Hofmann  

➤PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: A very good boy, he is just the fucking sweetest, he could give you diabetes. But he is a Sheremetev sibling, and thus also is PETTY AF! He fucking logs every wrong another sibling has ever committed against him in a digital diary, and has the receipts when he complains to one of the “adults” (aka Rodion mostly, sometimes Feodor or Ivan). Emil is the “smart” one (lol, he’s got an IQ of 187, but will also blindly accept anything Rodya says as fact), and so he uses his brains to psychological torture Adya and Erasyl when they get on his nerves. He’s utterly savage when it comes to a comeback or witty comment, and can be impatient when it comes to letting someone else be in charge of technology (dies inside every time someone types www into the address bar). He makes a conscious effort to model himself after Rodya (apart from Rodya’s hoe-ing), to emulate that nice, caring, dependable thing that Rodya has, and was a super adorable mini-me when they were younger. Has insomnia, from a mix of nightmares from repressed trauma, and staying up online at all hours of the day and night like a typical zillenial. Runs on caffeine and candy.  

➤LIKES: Technology, he a computer geek, rococo, baroque, champagne, pastels, sunlight, summer, acrobatics, the circus, von gogh, monet   ➤DISLIKES: slow wifi connections, laggy computers (like excuse you windows, but I need those 4 browsers with 50+ tabs each, you know me, figure it out), blood, erasyl   ➤HOBBIES: computer engineering (is that a hobby, or just like a life goal? The latter probs), coding, tattling on adrian and erasyl, planning elaborate ways to get back at adrian and erasyl

➤RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHERS: In general, he gets along with his siblings, with two glaring exceptions; Adrian and Erasyl, both of whom view him as an unwelcome replacement, well, for Erasyl, he’s a placeholder (which, I mean, calm down, we all know who dad’s favourite is - Rodya). Emil gets along the best with Rodya, whose parents he saw perform live once before their deaths, upon his arrival to the Sheremetev manor, witnessed Rodya pulling off a similar stunt on the banister (which gave poor Ivan a heart attack) and immediately became obsessed. Because they both had a strong brotherly bond with Rodya from pretty much the get go, Emil and Erasyl argue over Rodya the most. Aside from Rodya, Emil and Shion are rather close, though she doesn’t open up much, the two often team up against Adya and Erasyl.

➤SHORT BIO: Born to Heinrich XXVIII, Prince Reuss of Greiz and Elsa von Hohenberg, the last scions of the Elder Line of the House of Reuss, and born as Heinrich XXIX, Emil is the heir to the Principality of Reuss-Greiz, which was technically inherited by his cousin, Prince Heinrich of the Junior Reuss line (they’ll all named Heinrich in the honour of the Emperor who enobled them - lame). His parents were killed when he was 12; his death was subsequently faked alongside theirs and he was taken in by Ivan, a friend of his parents, for his protection. Emil witnessed his parents' murders and was covered in their blood when he was found by the guards, the incident clearly left him traumatized, and for the most part has shut out the memory, though he still has nightmares about it, which contributes to his insomnia.

When he was first brought to the Sheremetev manor, Emil was very withdrawn and solitary, often staying by himself in his room (with the doors and windows locked) or sticking by Ivan’s side. He was slowly brought out of his shell by Rodya, though this immediately sparked jealousy and insecurity in Adya, beginning their “rivalry”.  

𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐍𝐀 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐕𝐀 ➤AGE: 17   ➤BIRTHPLACE: Susaki, Japan ➤RESIDENCE: St. Petersburg, Russia ➤BIRTHDAY: January 26 ➤FACE CLAIM: Dilraba Dilmurat

➤PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: Seems like a brooding, silent, lowkey scary type, but really she’s just introverted. Doesn’t interact if she doesn’t know someone and/or it’s unnecessary. When she talks, she’s savage and witty (lol, despite them not being blood related, that’s a trait all the Sheremetev’s have). She’s honestly super dorky, loves shit like Naruto and One Piece and Batman cartoons (has declared she IS batman). Shion loves messing with people and will always make up shit to throw people off, she loves the whole concept of being the mysterious loner type, and there’s equal chance she’s saying a true fact about herself, or it’s another joke to fuck with you.   ➤LIKES: Messing with her brothers, dark colours, ➤DISLIKES:   ➤HOBBIES:   ➤RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHERS: Quiet. Because she’s generally rather reserved, it’s not quite evident upfront how close or distant she is to her family, since she’s physically generally off doing her own thing, however, like her other brothers, she is close to Rodya, and tends to hang out with him when she has nothing else to do (she be the designated driver for the hoes - she could drive since she was like 12, yes, she had to heels and creative methods to reach the pedals, but she could drive).

➤SHORT BIO: Born as Orihara Shion, Shion is the daughter of Orihara Chinatsu, the former third generation leader of Sesshō-Kai (殺生会), a Yakuza based in Kōchi, her father is unknown, but is or was presumably a member of her family’s Yakuza. From the moment she was born, Shion was separated from her mother and raised in secrecy for her protection, as well as education, as per Chinatsu’s instructions, she was being raised to one day take over the Yakuza.

Technically speaking, she is the oldest of the “triplets”, but is treated as the youngest of the three, having been adopted last, and she’s pretty okay with it. Got to be doted on as the baby before the brat (Erasyl) arrived.

adopted when she was 13 (dick 14, and the other two 13 as well)

𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐒𝐘𝐋 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐕 ➤AGE: 15   ➤BIRTHPLACE:  Almaty, Kazakhstan ➤RESIDENCE: St. Petersburg, Russia   ➤BIRTHDAY: August 9 ➤FACE CLAIM: Bright Vachirawit

➤PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: ➤LIKES: ➤DISLIKES:   ➤HOBBIES:   ➤RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHERS: Terrible. He’s very insecure about his father’s affections and always gets into fights with the others, particularly Emil and Adya. He’s scared of Shion, because the one time he managed to anger her, she threw him off a balcony (he’s fine, just traumatized - technically, Rodya once beat him too, but that was to teach him a lesson, Shion was straight up trying to kill him). Erasyl gets along the best with Rodya and is very possessive of him, especially since Rodya tends to pamper him and treat him like a child. Very quickly gets jealous when Rodya spends time with the others, especially Emil (You can have father, but Rodya is mine <- has actually said that, out loud).

➤SHORT BIO: The baby, Erasyl is the only biological child of Ivan

the only biological child (15), a brat, was a real bitch to them all, but started respecting dick when he beat him, and is now super attached to him

𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐀

➤MOODBOARD: https://urstyle.fashion/styles/2594157 ➤SCHOOL WARDROBE/AESTHETICS: https://urstyle.fashion/collections/115802 ➤PLAYLIST:

[robotnik-mun]

I usually have answer for questions like these...but what specifically about Mobius: XYL made it so horrendous that not even someone with actual writing talent like Flynn could save it? I'd say that it was just a blank slate and that any competent writer could fix it.

*Sighs, pulls out a bottle of whiskey and a shot glass. Pours the glass. Takes the shot* 

Alright, before I get into the specifics, I’m gonna contextualize a few things for you. I want you to picture a comic book, one built primarily (but not exclusively) around action, and despite the intense quality issues it tends to suffer from its still pretty popular, with a fairly vocal fanbase. One day a character is teased- the daughter of a major character, hinting towards an amazing story that will show the future of your favorite characters. Years past, the hype builds up. A hint of what’s to come is given in a story where this mystery character is featured, pulling forth an intriguing scenario in which her father, one of the heroes, will become a villain years later. 

Finally it is announced- at long last, this much anticipated storyline is going to happen! We’re going to see the future of the setting, the future of the characters and their offspring! Oh, what things will await? What mysteries will build in the interim? What new villains will operate in the future? What will the children of the heroes be like? 

Well, eventually, the storyline finally comes. All that waiting, all that excitement and hype, all of that theorizing... and all it amounted to was a fart in the wind, all noise and fury signifying nothing. 

That, in a nutshell, was Mobius 25YL. 

Now let us get into specifics. Forgive me if I miss anything, for there is a LOT to get into, so I’ll just summarize what comes off the top of my head. 

-Firstly, there was Lara-Su herself. Oh, poor Lara-Su. That’s really one of the great tragedies of the Pre-Flynn era. She had the design. She had the concept. She had the hype- people were doing fanart and fanfiction of her long before she debuted properly in the book. And then 25YL came along, and what we saw was... 

....yeah, that. See, it turned out that she wasn’t being trained as a guardian. She was just a normal leading a normal teenage life, and my GOD it was boring. Our opening scene involves her thumping her stupid cousin on the head with a book for insulting the Guardians, and this? This is how she became a Guardian. After everything we had been led to believe, everything we had been wanting to see, the mysterious, much-anticipated Daughter of Knuckles... turned out to be a whiny, entitled little rich girl who literally whined her way into being a Guardian. Not that we got a chance to see her tenure as a guardian, oooh no- it was FAR more important to see her sweet sixteen and a sleepover with her friends, and of course pool party antics. Which brings us to the next point....

-...namely that this story went *nowhere*. Like it was literally the last few issues that the damn plot moved forward and reached a climax. THe build-up took a back seat to what Penders evidently felt was what the audieance REALLY wanted- DOMESTIC DRAMA! Marvel in Lara-Su getting in fights at school because someone had an opinion! Wonder in the glories of her sweet sixteen! Behold the pool parties! Amaze at Sonic’s son being a little pervert! Hey, do you know what we needed more of? Sonic and Knuckles getting in a belching contest at a dinner party! And so on and so forth- the whole thing was basically a domestic drama, a really, really cheesy and badly written one, and these aspects of the story overtook everything else. Even worse, this story dragged on and on and on at a snails pace, and as I said, the only remotely exciting thing happened literally within the last few issues, with the build up being drawn out and unengaging. 

-The future was boring. Very, very boring, and even worse, we were told exactly how it got that way. What portions of the story weren’t dedicated to observing the Domestic Life Of The Teenage Echidna were spent infodumping and expositing about the events of the past that led to the present time. And at the present time? Everything was so peachy and perfect it could make you sick. There was no danger, no new menaces to fight in the Post-Robotnik Mobius, everything was just bland and happy and nooo real problems whatsoever. The Kingdom of Acorn now ruled Mobius, and Angel Island was now a superpower, and all the enemies of the past were either defeated or domesticated (more on that below). There was nothing to draw people in. No conflict to engage the readers. Even worse, ss this at the time was regarded as ‘the’ future and not just a ‘What-If’ (the debate of which caused an infamous feud between Penders and Bollers), the exposition ensured that there could not even be a potential mystery in figuring out how things got to this point, because the entire future was now laid bare before us. And since we now knew that this achingly perfect and tranquil future was to come, and exactly HOW Eggman was going to be defeated, there was little reason to become invested in past stories. What’s the point of sticking around when you know how its all gonnna go? Every conflict that took place in the past was now rendered irrelevant thanks to this future, which pretty much gave away the ending. 

-On top of all that, the developments of the characters from the past who were featured in this future were... nonsensical, and in some cases deeply insulting. Knuckles, for example, who had grown up in the wilderness away from cities and the like, was now in a position of power as not only Guardian but the head of the EST, and living very comfortably in a manor, with a maid of all things. Even accounting for the fact that the years change people, this doesn’t really feel like the kind of life Knuckles would ever want to live or COULD ever want to live, instead feeling like a reflection of Penders’ own ideal for what a happy ending should look like. Worse though was what happened to Julie-Su... while her depiction as such was not always very stellar, there was at least a token amount of effort applied to depicting her as a capable soldier and action girl, and prior to the release of this he swore up and down that she would STILL be a badass. This was false. This was very, very false. She was pretty much a stay at home mom who did upkeep on the house, acting as a *painfully* cliche ‘50s Housewife’ at utter odds with her prior depiction. While there is nothing wrong with being a domestic or anything like that, the fact was that this was definitely not how anybody ever wanted to see Julie-Su, and even worse, despite Penders’ touting of the ‘non-traditional’ nature of their marriage (which I should add was a reflection of the fact that he and his own wife operate under a common-law marriage), the fact of the matter was that the marriage was even MORE tradtional and bland than most marriages in media at that time. 

And it didn’t end there either. Sonic was now King of the world and pretty much going through a midlife crisis, and Sally, who actually WAS a leader of men during her youth and Queen of Mobius, was now happy and content with taking a backseat to Sonic and letting him make all the major decisions. There are many arguments about whether or not Sonic should have ever been a king or if it fits his character, but the point of order is, nobody at all wanted to see THIS from Sonic, or Sally. The decision to make him King was especially baffling because in real life, that’s not how European monarchy’s work. Sonic is not nobility, and even if he were, his lower rank would ensure that he would only ever be a prince or a regent at best, while Sally would be the one calling the shots thanks to her being higher ranked than him to begin with. 

And then there was Lien-Da. Recall how I said some threats became domesticated? Well this here is Exhibit A- wanna now what kind of future Lien-Da has after a lifetime of terrorism, deceit and murder? She’s living comfortabltly in suburbia with her son (with no mention or hint of who the father could be), and is just so gosh darned chummy with her half-sister that they gossip like a couple of old hens. I mean sure, Lien-Da helped murder Julie’s mother and their father, and then had Julie mindwiped twice-over, to say nothing of spending generations trying to murder the Guardians, but it’s all coooool, brah! No hard feelings, no bad blood whatsoever! Why, even Dimitri himself confirms that all of Lien-Da’s ambitions would never ever come true anyway, so hey, why carry a grudge? Family trumps all!

Yeah, I digress. Whatever people envisioned for the future of the characters they loved, this wasn’t it. At all. 

-The kids sucked, both as characters and from a design standpoint. For visuals, Lara-Su got off easy, having a reasonably unique and recognizable design that made her an instant hit with a lot of fans... the fact that Penders didn’t design her might have had something to do with that though. Everyone else? Clone children. Clone children as far as the eye can see. Literally they were all just traces of their parents with different clothes, and they had even less going on with regards to personality. The one with the most distinct personality was Manik, who was such a loathesome little creeper that everyone kind of wished he really WAS just as bland and forgettable as everyone else. While obviously children are gonna resemble their parents, making them flat out clones was just a step too far (sadly this would plague the sequel series as well). There have been many fan ideas and conceptions of what the children of our heroes would look like- all of them were better, or at least made more of an effort, than this. 

-While the book might have been called “Mobius: 25 Years Later”, it was actually more like “Angel Island Twenty Five Years Later”. Given that this storyline started out as a special called Knuckles: Twenty Years Later, this isn’t really that unexpected, but for a storyline that billed itself as the future of Mobius itself, the focus on Angel Island at the expense of everything else left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth. WHile it would be impossible to cover everyone, it was Knuckles and his family that got the most coverage, with the extended cast getting cameos or token mentions regardless of how important they were in the past. Bunnie and Antoine didn’t show up, Tails only showed up much later, we barely get any action from the other Chaotix... you get the idea. Even worse, Knuckles was pretty much revealed to be the destined savior of the planet, the one to finally defeat Eggman instead of Sonic, and the reveal of what was causing problems in the future would eventually be revealed to be SOnic’s fault! The Knuckles favoritism was incredibly grating, and incredibly disappointing. People wanted to see the future of *Mobius*, not JUST all the parts most relevant to Knuckles. This was the storylien that really did much to establish how little Penders cared about the title character of the series and how hellbent he was on ensuring the ‘legacy’ of his personal pet despite the Knuckles series having been gone for years by that point. 

-On a retroactive front, the reveal of Rotor being gay, or rather the rationale and circumstances of it, did a lot to taint the perception of the series. Even when the series was going on, Penders hinted that one of the cast was gay, and didn’t reveal who it was until years after he had left the book...it just happened to be Rotor, who just happened to be tortured in the new 30YL storyline while his supposed lover, Cobor, was dead. That he timed the reveal in such a way that it made Flynn look like a homophobe was suspect enough, but his reasoning behind the reveal was especially troubling, with him declaring that Rotor was gay due to his shyness. Adding insult to injury, there was absolutely no chemistry between Cobor and Rotor, like at all. In a fandom where two characters so much as looking at eachother too long can result in shipping, this was especially noteworthy, as nobody at all shipped Cobor and Rotor before the reveal... and after, for that matter. Penders loudly patting himself on the back for this despite how little he had done in-story to indicate it did a lot to taint the storyline in people’s eyes, and forever made Rotor’s sexuality a touchy subject due to knowing that Penders would always be eager to take credit for it despite having done nothing to build it up. While there was only so much one could really do at the time it was written, that doesn’t excuse the fact that there was so little affection and so little to read into with regards to Cobor and Rotor, due to the fact that believable, human interaction is well beyond Penders’ capacity as a writer. 

There is probably more I am not considering. Anyone who has anything to add is free to do so. But in conclusion? For everything that this story promised to be, and for all the ways that promise was broken, this whole thing became a black hole of wasted potential, a vortex of suckage that would consume everything in proximity, and that is why despite everything, a lot of people are not that eager to see it re-visted, believing that its just impossible to un-anchor it from the awful, awful story that spawned, and that there is nothing worth salvaging from it. 

They might have a point. 

[sleepykittypaws]

Holiday Hearts

Original Air Date: November 23, 2019 (Hallmark Movies and Mysteries) Where to Watch?: Hallmark will replay it multiple times this season, and for every season in perpetuity.

I went into Holiday Hearts with relatively high hopes, as both Paul Campbell and Ashley Williams are among Hallmark’s most charming leads, and have often elevated so-so material based solely on their considerable charm, so, together, they should have been a powerhouse. 

Their social media sneak peeks while making the movie were as adorable as expected, but little of that natural chemistry was able to shine through in the finished film, even though you could tell both of them were valiantly making every effort. The problem is that Hallmark has dulled their scripts and storylines to such a degree, there seems like no room for any actor's “sparkle” to peek through.

I swear that I wanted to like this movie, I really did, but the set-up here is extra-dumb, even for Hallmark. Two ex-flames meet via a reindeer spotting and the world’s most mild, mutual car wrecks, where Campbell's brand new Grand Cherokee is stymied by 1-1/2” of snow. (Jeep definitely didn’t pay for that embarrassing product placement.) Then they get a call that their mutual widower friend is in the hospital, and they rush off to see him together, even though the premise is they haven’t seen each other in years, despite this tight knit bond.

Once at the hospital, it’s quickly determined, in an ER bed decorated with paper snowflakes, a poinsettia, a fully-decorated Christmas tree AND a holiday blanket—you know, like all hospitals do—that the guy tore his ACL. Which, you know, bummer, but is not a serious injury requiring a hospital stay of any kind. It’s outpatient surgery and you’re walking (not well, but walking) the same day.

Like, the whole thing makes just zero sense. This isn’t some esoteric injury no one would be familiar with. It’s super common. Lots of people would know how ridiculous this plot set-up is, but they carry on, pretending Campbell must cancel his super-important, Doctors Without Borders (though they don’t have rights to that name) interview he pretends is a vacation to Honduras, to care for the Adorable Motherless Moppet who, within minutes, is suggesting Campbell and Williams should get married. Ha, ha! 

Also, Hondoras? You know, that well-known vacation destination that is so rife with crime and poverty that thousands of people march to the U.S. in search of asylum annually. (A thing you might have heard of if you live in the world.) Definitely a top beach spot that Hallmark totally researched.

Heading home from the world’s most serious ACL tear, they pull up to a house that is, literally, twice as large as the inn Williams runs and, within a few more minutes, the daughter is introducing them to the horse she got for Christmas last year so, yeah, these folks definitely have a nanny. (Or a Grandma, or anyone other than a single guy friend to watch your child for days.) I mean, dad’s a doctor whose wife died. He must have some regular help caring for this child.

Have I mentioned the whole thing is so very dumb? As is that Williams, instead of planning this big event she’s barely started on, which is the centerpiece of her entire year, apparently, is happily hanging Christmas lights, making the world’s most cheaply CGI-ed snowman, and crafting with Adorable Motherless Moppet in their already decorated-to-the-max house. All jobs that for sure don’t actually need to be done, unlike, you know, your actual salary-earning position.

Do all these characters have head injuries?

And that’s not even mentioning the part where they go door-to-door to give away their friend's ceramic dinner plates to the two people in town with melanin, in a scene that is embarrassingly pandering, even for Hallmark. Again, this is the stuff they tell us is definitely more important than either of the lead's careers, because you can live on Christmas cookies (which are free, and come with plates!) in the Hallmark movie universe.

The 20-minute Balsam Hill ad was super subtle and totally organic to the plot. Did you know that they make trees with both colored AND white lights, Doris? What a technological marvel! (Also, an evil part of me wants to troll Hallmark’s social media with posts lamenting the fact they never show us where they find these beautiful artificial trees.)

It carries on like this with ACL-dad barely even mentioned for days on end, then Campbell “confesses” his extreme nobility (you would definitely hide stuff like well-respected charity work…makes complete sense) and Williams pulls off a perfect party with the revolutionary theme of, apparently, “Christmas,” that took her weeks to come up with, then they close-mouth kiss and…Is anyone still awake?

That Holiday Hearts is this dull and lifeless despite starring two of Hallmark’s most charming players is a real testament to the oppression of formula over story. This isn’t so much a movie, as an 83-minute montage of Christmas cliches and holiday-themed activities. 

And, hey, if 90% of your movie is gonna focus on holiday house decorating, can we at least make the decorations good? You know, instead of acres of garland and Dollar Store-quality tack. Christmas threw up on every square inch of this movie, but it didn’t look festive, it looked cheap and fake, since they reuse the decorations from locale to locale. I’m sure the set designers are just doing as they’re told, but this isn’t how any real person decorates. Seriously…They decorated the emergency room bay, y’all. 🤦‍♀️

And what made this a Movies & Mysteries film, versus regular Hallmark? It feels like they’ve totally lost any distinction the two channels once had. 

Watching this snooze-worthy film that felt 4 hours long, did make me appreciate how welcome the gentle pricking of the formula Holiday for Heroes and Two Turtle Doves undertook was. Because this one was boring, by-the-numbers Hallmark all the way. 

Final Judgement: No paws for you! (With apologies to Paul Campbell and Ashley Williams, who are still the sparkliest.)

[kaesaaurelia]

hello! i have a question about NaLSR. In the 1930's, there is a lot of racism toward monsters (and between different races of humans), but what was it like in the decade sans came from? in the 2010's? Was he shocked at all by the way people were treating him after he got time stranded? you've mentioned maybe writing a prequel sometime, and this question might have been answered then, if you decided to do that, but idk. anyway. I love this story!

This got slightly long!  To answer your questions very shortly:

1. There was/is still anti-monster sentiment in the 2010s!  It’s a lot like real life in that a lot of bigotry still exists, but it shows up in different ways and a lot of the more humiliating or dangerous things that are common in the 1930s are illegal in the 2010s.  (Sometimes they still happen, of course.)

2. Shocked in a culture-shock kind of way?  Yes.  Angry?  VERY.  Surprised? No, but definitely thrown off-balance.

3. I’m actually not sure I remember mentioning writing a prequel, huh.  (At least, not one that addresses this.)  I keep considering writing one about Toriel, and I’ve noodled around with some stuff about Sans and Gaster after they got trapped.  I also actually do know a fair bit about Sans’ college/grad school life, but I’m not sure anyone would be interested in what I’d end up writing if I wrote about that – it’d be a lot of Sans and his college/grad school girlfriend having a lot of meaningless relationship drama and maybe that one time he accidentally led a coup d’etat of their D&D group and then had to get out of being the new DM quickly, before he had to put any actual effort into it.

(the college friends and D&D group are mostly expies of characters from other media, though so like.  I don’t know if anyone wants that.  also I haven’t played much tabletop so.)

ANYWAY I wrote a long elaborate answer to 1 and 2 with lots of worldbuildy stuff.

There is definitely a lot of racism towards monsters in the 2010s too, but compared to the 1930s a lot of it is toned down a lot and certain things that are common and even respectable in the ‘30s are illegal in the 2010s.  Sans was sheltered from a lot of it growing up, because he grew up in a monster neighborhood out in the suburbs and didn’t have a ton of human friends until college, at which point he was introduced to such awkward questions as “is it okay to dress up as a skeleton on Halloween?” and “but how do you even eat.”

But to some extent skeletons have kind of fallen into the “model minority” pigeonhole?  In monster society, prior to the Ascent (which you’ll be finding out about shortly, but basically it’s when the monsters got out of the mountain), skeletons were largely fairly literate and tended to serve the nobility (largely boss monsters) as scribes, doctors, engineers, etc. and that is one of the reasons skeleton names almost always have something to do with the written word.  So while stereotypes about other kinds of monsters run the gamut (dragons and reptile monsters are greedy, boss monsters are egomaniacs and bullies, fire monsters are hot-tempered, etc.), in the 2010s skeletons tend to be regarded as innately very intelligent and practical, but also calculating, heartless, creepy, antisocial at best and completely repugnant at worst.

(There is actually a fair amount of variation within skeletons, though – a skeleton who dresses well, covers up as much bone as feasible, and has more humanlike proportions will be cut a lot more slack.  Needless to say, Sans was never going to be that guy.)

In the 1930s, though, skeletons are kind of lumped in with all the other monsters, except for boss monsters, who are… their own special, weird, elaborate case.  In the ‘30s, most monsters are regarded as violent, unable to control their emotions, weak-willed, dim, and easily drawn to vice – and if they’re not weak-willed or dim, they’re often assumed to be on Determination, in possession of a human soul, or looking to steal one to further whatever nefarious monster plans they might have.

Some of these have carried over to the 2010s, but the general monster stereotypes differ significantly from the skeleton stereotypes.  In the 2010s there’s a lot more emphasis on “monsters are weak-willed, easily hurt, and need Good Humans to protect them and tell them what they ought to do;” in the 1930s it’s more “monsters are violent and might steal your soul because their own souls are defective.”

Anyway, Sans was a little shocked, not because he’d never heard of people saying this shit about monsters before, but because he’d definitely never had it happen to him personally.  Mostly he was angry, not surprised.  Back in the 2010s he was pretty used to negotiating the assumptions people made about him, but in the past he ended up going through an incredibly shitty series of experiences and ended up feeling like a lot of the insults and assumptions were true about him personally, and like he was letting other monsters down by being the guy who makes everyone else look bad.

[magepie]

Hello everyone! As a russian person who enjoys playing Zarya, I was really excited to see how much love she gets from the Overwatch fandom! As I stumbled upon this amazing review on cultural references found on Volskaya map, I decided that Zarya herself deserves a similar analysis. I am going to speak about easter eggs, russian and soviet imagery that could have inspired her character, and a bit of cultural trivia, too. Even though some references are probably unintentional, I hope talented fan creators out there will find the insight helpful.

Codename

“Zarya” (Заря) is a reddish-pink glow in the sky before sunrise. Zarya’s trademark pink hair was clearly designed with this very hue in mind. Bright red zarya represents a new dawn and is a key element in soviet and revolutionary symbolics. In modern Russia “Zarya” remains the traditional callsign for mission control center among russian astronauts - as well as a common name for villages, summer camps, ships, newspapers, soccer teams, chocolates, and basically anything with roots in the soviet era.

Real name

Aleksandra is female version of Aleksander - a popular name of greek origin, derived from “Αλέξανδρος”, “protector of men”. This name used to be well-loved among russian nobility for centuries (there were three emperors named Aleksander). It was also worn by one of our most badass medieval rulers and warlords - Aleksander Nevsky. His defeat of swedish crusaders on river Neva (how he got his “Nevsky” nickname) and then german armored knights in the epic Battle on Ice (which was a literal battle on the surface of frozen lake), when he was 21 years old and only had foot soldiers against heavy cavalry, made him revered as a symbol of martial prowess up to the present day. He was canonized and is regarded as a patron saint of St. Petersburg. It is a very interesting reference because, according to the official Overwatch artbook, Volskaya Industries, which Zarya wants to protect at any cost, is located somewhere near St. Petersburg. Further still, Zarya seems to have beef with swedish Torbjorn Lindholm and a friendly rivalry with a certain german knight... to make the obvious parallels with Aleksander Nevsky complete. A special note for fanfiction writers: modern short forms for Aleksandra are “Sasha” or “Shura”. The latter is more common in the countryside, so “Shura” was probably what Zarya was called as a child, growing up in a siberian village.

Origins

Zarya comes from the Krasnoyarsk Krai (region), located right in the middle of Siberia. Winters are very cold there (-30 C/-22 F at average) but summers are pretty much okay (+20 C/+68 F). Krasnoyarsk Krai is enormous and sparsely populated, except for a few cities, and heavily industrialized. Supposedly, 50 years in the future an omnium would fit there nicely. In order to start her athletic career Zarya would have to go to the region’s capital Krasnoyarsk to train and participate in local competitions. It is a relatively large industrial city, located right on the great river Yenisei - the 5th longest river on Earth. Russian writer Anton Chekhov called Krasnoyarsk “the most beautiful city in Siberia”. It is indeed an important cultural center and a city of great historical value.

Voicelines

Apart from paying homage to popular western stereotypes (like quoting Ivan Drago and Boris Badenov), Zarya’s dialogue contains references to authentic russian and soviet culture - more so in the russian dub. 

 - “Fizkult privet!” (roughly translated as “hello, fellow athletes”) - a slogan for healthy lifestyle and physical exercise (“fizkultura”) in USSR. 

- In Volskaya spawn room Zarya says: “Perhaps a man has a hundred senses, and when he dies only the five known to us are destroyed and the remaining ninety-five are left alive”. She quotes “Cherry Orchard” (Вишневый сад), a classical play by Anton Chekhov (the library on Volskaya bears Chekhov’s name). 

- Since Winter Wonderland event Zarya will sometimes say: "My great-grandfather said: "I have a desire to buy a house, but I have no opportunity. I have an opportunity to buy a goat, but I have no desire". So, let's drink to having correspondence of our wishes and opportunities!" It is a toast from soviet comedy film “Kavkazskaya plennitsa”, which is traditionally broadcasted on russian TV on New Year’s Eve. 

- When asked by Mei, how she manages to even pick up her gun, Zarya responds: “I lift as well as I lift because it cannot be avoided”. It is a quote by soviet champion weightlifter Vasily Alekseev. 

References that only exist in the russian dub: 

 - “We do not have our dawns (“zaryas”) quiet here!” is a reference to Oscar-nominated war drama “The Dawns Here Are Quiet“ (А зори здесь тихие) about an all-female russian war unit during WWII. 

- (Nano-boosted) “Who wants to have a taste of my bogatyr’s power?!” Bogatyrs (Богатыри) are legendary warriors. Svyatogor (the name for giant mechs produced by Volskaya) was a bogatyr, for example, and Zarya’s photo was featured on the cover of the in-universe sports magazine titled “Богатыри”. 

- “Give up smoking, go skiing” - another soviet pro-fitness slogan. 

- “The gun is only as good as the gunner” - a russian saying.

Appearance

Many russian players were underwhelmed by Zarya’s visual design and criticized her for being a “poor representation of beautiful russian women”. However, it seems that this outrage was mostly caused by her pink hair, which was considered tasteless. Some fans humorously admitted that Zarya fits well into a popular stereotype of a ridiculously strong russian peasant woman, formulated by poet Nikolay Nekrasov: “There are women in russian villages <...> That can stop a galloping horse and enter a burning house”. This image lived well into the soviet era, and was reinforced in propaganda: idealized figure of a female athlete or a physically fit woman of the working class was widely celebrated in soviet art, especially during and right after WWII, when women had to replace men in many professions. While modern standards of beauty in Russia aren’t much different from western ones, Zarya actually looks like a 1930s poster come alive. Her “cybergoth” and “industrial” skins are also unpopular, but I find them really well-fitting. You see, it didn’t take an Omnic Crisis for some parts of Siberia to give a certain… post-apocalyptic vibe today. Cybergoth culture in Russia clearly gets its inspiration from young people growing up amongst half-abandoned mining towns, shut-down military and scientific facilities, and other wreckage of once-great economy - something Zarya could definitely relate to.

Mentality

While Zarya’s character and bio are clearly based on history of russian sportsmanship, her vanity would likely be frowned upon in the soviet era. Media of that period and athletes themselves attributed their victories to the state rather than treated them as personal achievements. Modern russian athletes, however, are starting to abandon this mentality and are regarded more and more as actual celebrities. Zarya is fiercely patriotic, but I would not call it a “bad” brand of patriotism. She is not hostile or condescending towards heroes from other countries (even the americans), and her treatment of omnics is at least, well, understandable. It is refreshing to see a positively patriotic russian character, when in real life we are surrounded by all kinds of toxic propaganda, which sometimes borders on pure nationalism. Even her opinion on Overwatch is a nice touch: it mirrors how most russian people feel (ignorantly) about the Allies’ contribution to Germany’s defeat in WWII - still it is more about pride than xenophobia. Finally, Zarya’s larger than life and light-hearted attitude and small-town mannerisms are a nice break from overly serious or scheming russian characters. She is brave, lovable and funny - a perfect representation of my country.