#this is growing into an experiment to answer 'how long can i procrastinate on throwing out clearly dead flowers because i might want to draw

[marlowe-art]

dry sunflowers on a chair

[the-mad-starker]

Starkercest: The Stuff of Dreams

This smutty piece was inspired by @toybandaids​​ and the use of sleeping pills in Only Me (Link here! 😏) and encouraged by my friend Keyz 😊 Tried to get this in for Father's Day but it ended up longer than expected (what else is new 😅😅) then of course, procrastinated some more by making a moodboard!

One more fic until I start on my Starker Festival bingo!

Summary:  Omega Peter watches over his father's dreams and makes sure they're sweet, pleasant dreams.

Notes:  Incest, A/B/O, Intersex omegas, noncon/dubcon, drug induced somnophilia, tiny bit of bulge kink, size kink, breeding, vaginal sex

WC: 3617

(AO3 Link)

💗💗💗 

Peter worries about his dad constantly.

People like to brush it off by saying it's an omega thing which– ugh, he doesn't even want to get into that. It's not an omega thing, it's a Peter thing because… because his dad is Tony Stark, okay?

His dad is amazing, a perfect alpha. He's a literal genius, a trait Peter inherits from his father. But more than that, his dad has such a big heart. For others, it's difficult to see under all that sass and sharp tongue of his but when he's with Peter, it's all warmth and smiles. Peter gets the sass too, but he gets everything else that his dad is too guarded to show anyone else.

He loves that about his father.

Tony's also the perfect alpha, even without his gig as Iron man or a billionaire.

And Peter worries, okay? Because all this superhero stuff takes such a heavy toll on his alpha, especially since Peter somehow gets roped into it too. But they both know that Peter wouldn't give up being Spider-man for anything. Not when it means he can be by his dad's side. Protect him. Keep him safe.

An omega protecting an alpha? Not as uncommon as people like to think. Especially when it comes to Peter. His dad is the most important person to him, of course, he'd protect him.

It's another hard night when they return home.

His dad has Friday scan him from the top of his head down to the tips of his toes. Any minor bruising or injuries Peter sustains during battles are wiped clean by the time they get home though. Even with Friday confirming that, Tony still looks him over.

"You sure you didn't get hurt?"

"I'm sure, dad."

"How about your shoulder? I saw you take that hit–"

"Dad– I said I'm okay…!"

The alpha breathes out a sigh that sounds like it comes from his very core. His hands on Peter's shoulders loosen as the tension eases out of him.

"Okay. Okay," he says, shoulders slumping, "Sorry, kiddo. I know– I know you can take care of yourself. I just worry, okay?"

If Peter was like any other teen, Tony's constant concern could possibly rub him the wrong way. Instead, the young omega soaks it all up, just melting in his dad's arms. His own come up to hug his alpha father and he's just tall enough now that he can bury his nose against his father's scent gland.

He breathes in the familiar scent of home and a soft, quiet sort of purr rumbles in his chest. His father answers it with one of his own, deep and reassuring. The sound is a private little thing between them, an intimate affair for just them alone.

"I worry, too, dad," Peter admits. Then, because he knows his dad is feeling a bit vulnerable, he asks, "Is it… Is it okay if I sleep with you tonight? Please, dad?"

He can feel his dad's huff of laughter and the warm puff of breath against his ear. He has to force his body to keep from trembling.

"Was there really any point in giving you your own floor if you're just gonna sleep with your old man all the time?" Tony's words are a soft tease but he doesn't say no. Peter knows he won't, either. He never does.

"It keeps me from cluttering the penthouse?" Peter says innocently, a light quip to his dad's rhetorical question.

"Yeah," Tony steps back and shakes his head with a fond smile. "Okay, kiddo, guess we're having a sleepover, just you and me."

It's always just them. And that's how Peter wants it to remain.

They do their routines, brush their teeth side by side. Tony strips down to just his boxers and Peter wears short shorts and an undershirt. 

His dad's body is littered with faded scars, marks from their work as superheroes. Sturdy strong shoulders and a trim waist, thanks to Peter's insistence that they try to be healthy. His dad has enough health problems as it is.

In contrast, Peter is all lithe muscles and slender lines thanks to omegan biology and then the bite.

Nothing unusual happens. It never does during this part…

But then they settle down and Peter curls up against his father's side, cuddling close and throwing a leg over his dad's.

"Little octopus," his daddy teases, "Thought you were bit by a spider."

Peter only clings even tighter when his father reaches for the bedside drawer. Even with his face half buried against his dad's shoulder, his ears pick up the soft rattle of pills.

"Dr. Banner still okaying those?" Peter asks curiously.

"Yeah, insomnia's a bitch and these have worked real good so–" Tony pops two pills and swallows it dry. "I just want a good night's sleep with my favorite son."

"I'm your only son," Peter points out, right on cue.

"Mhmm…" Tony settles down, pulling the sheets up and making sure they're both covered. "Favorite son…"

Peter pretends to drift off, eyes closed, but his mind is far too active to fall asleep. He feels the way Tony's breathing deepens; the pill taking effect fast.

While his dad is lulled into sleep, his heart thumping away at a steady, reassuring pace, Peter's is quickening.

He's about to do something unforgivable, but it wouldn't be the first time.

Fifteen minutes go by.

"Dad…?" Peter murmurs softly.

"Mm…?" Tony barely responds. It's more instinct, his father recognizing Peter's voice calling for him.

"Love you," he answers quietly and gets no response besides a soft hum.

Peter waits some more, though his little cocklet is starting to get hard. He doesn't dare rub against his dad–yet.

Another half an hour passes.

"Daddy…?" Peter murmurs.

This time, there's no response. He lightly taps his finger against the arc reactor and still, there's no response.

His dad is deep asleep, helped along by those innocent little pills that'll keep him under while Peter has his fun.

With his heart thumping, Peter carefully sits up. The sheet slips from his shoulder with a soft hiss, but he barely notices. He's gotten so excited, so wet, just laying there, thinking about what's to come. His tiny little shorts are soaked in no time.

He gently tugs the sheet away from his father's sleeping body and he does it so slowly, breath held, as though revealing a grand prize. He's seen his dad's body so often, naked or clothed, but each time he sees it like this, it's like the first time all over.

The thrill of excitement floods his system, and he takes a moment to drink it all in.

His alpha… Tony…

When Peter can't contain himself, he crawls between his father's legs and gently palms Tony's soft cock. He starts off with gentle, curious strokes and feels it respond by lengthening right under his hand.

He settles on his stomach, presses his face between the alpha's inner thigh and the now noticeable erection his dad is sporting. He breathes in the scent, mouthing at the fabric and hands greedy as he tugs Tony's boxers down.

"Ah…" Peter can't help but moan when Tony's cock is revealed.

His father isn't even fully erect but already, the size and girth of his cock makes Peter's mouth water. His eyes dart up to Tony's sleeping face as he nuzzles his cheek against his dad's alpha cock.

"Missed this…" the omega murmurs as he leads the tip to his mouth. "I know you missed it too, dad��� Haven't been able to help you this week and you got so grumpy in the last meeting…"

He starts to lightly suck on the tip, thin, pink lips covering the fat mushroom shaped head. He licks away the precum right from the slit before it even manages to drip.

"I'll make it better, daddy…" he promises.

Above him, Tony's lips part open and a soft sigh can be heard. His cock twitches in Peter's hand, responding eagerly to the familiar touch. He's having a good dream, pleasure and warmth wrapped in one, as he's being serviced.

Peter takes in more. He loves sucking Tony's cock and loves it best like this. Loves feeling his father's soft cock grow in his mouth. It fits nicely in his mouth like this but not for long. He sucks and licks hungrily and Tony's cock thickens and swells right in his mouth.

It's an experience unlike any other… Feeling his efforts being rewarded in the form of a thick, rock hard alpha cock.

He's managed to get his father to come down his throat multiple times. He's only been able to take his knot once. It's tempting to try it again tonight but his pussy feels so empty… His back hole too…

Once his mind considers going all the way, he has a hard time deciding which hole he wants to use to get his father off.

His dad seems to like his pussy the best. He's not sure if Tony realizes just what hole he's fucking, but it's like the alpha's instincts kick in and the need to breed takes over.

Peter likes it best there, too, but he's still stuck in indecision. So he decides he'll figure it out in the moment. He just knows that tonight, he's getting a creampie, either way.

He continues sucking Tony off, licking and slurping to his heart's content. The alpha's cock stretches his lips wide, fills his mouth past the point of comfort.

Peter has learned how to breathe with such a sizable obstruction in the way. His eyes threaten to roll to the back of his head when the length tickles the back of his throat.

He pulls off with a wet gasp, saliva leaving the length all wet and gleaming. Thin strands of spit connect the tip to his mouth and he leans back down to lavish even more attention on it.

"Mm… There you go, dad," Peter moans softly, "Got you all nice and ready. Aren't I such a good son…?"

He gives the alpha cock one last stroke, squeezing just how he knows his father likes. Once that nice warm hole is gone from his cock, his dad's expression becomes troubled. Brows twitch and scrunch up, a line forming between them.

Peter gets up on his knees and presses his father's cock against his own smaller stiff length.

"Ah… daddy…" Peter sighs with a roll of his hips. His eyes fixate on Tony's face and the upset turn of his mouth.

He leans down, purposely rubbing the alpha's cock even more.

"I'll make it better," he promises with a kiss to the corner of Tony's mouth. "Make it better for both of us…"

He lifts up just enough to position his father's cock against his pussy. Just that might touch is enough to make him tremble as the tip slips through his plump lips. 

He's leaking so much slick already… The wet sounds are more than enough to turn the tips of his ears red. It sounds so dirty and the act itself is even more so.

"I need it…" Peter admits, eyes slipping shut as he savors the anticipation. "Need this so bad, dad…"

This entire time he's been telling himself how much he helps his father by doing this. He says he takes all of his alpha's frustration, leaves him feeling spent and relaxed and how it's good for Tony… A little stress relief.

But the truth is… Peter is a selfish brat. His daddy is his and the only omega in Tony's life is Peter.

The tip is drenched in his slick and the alpha's own precum. And even though his pussy aches at the thought, he pulls back and drags his father's cockhead to the tight little back hole that's just as hungry to be filled.

When he presses the tip there, Peter's just so tempted to sink down… He wants to feel his daddy's cock breach him there and he wants to groan around the stretch, feeling so full that he can barely breathe.

He considers it, God, he considers it… But with an impatient hiss, his hips angle back so that Tony's cock presses against his pussy again.

He sinks down without another thought or at least he tries.

"Ah…" Peter moans as he's being stretched apart. 

He can feel everything… The wide glans pushing its way inside him… the prominent veins all along the length of his daddy's cock… Warm, rock hard flesh… Bare inside him. No condom, because fuck, they're family… Father and son. This is all he ever wants… Just his daddy filling him up so good… 

His thighs tremble as he tries to control just how much he takes. There's a dark thought in the back of his head to just slam down and feel the way his daddy stretches him so obscenely.

The omega whimpers and looks down at his father through the slits of his eyelids.

"Daddy…" Peter moans shamelessly as he rocks up and down, trying to inch more and more inside him "Daddy… Ah… Daddy…"

Just halfway and he can't take any more. No, he has to work himself open on his daddy's cock just to be able to take him fully. He leans forward and groans when a few inches slip out. He feels it so keenly, the way his walls cling to his father's cock.

He sinks back down with labored panting, eyes threatening to roll to the back of his head. Tony's cock takes up every space inside him, every crevice… 

The angle is perfect, Peter makes sure it is. He's done this often enough that he knows just how to ride his daddy and get his cock to brush against that sweet spot inside him.

"Dad…" His voice wobbled and he swallows the lump in his throat. "It feels so good… so good, daddy…"

Peter reaches for his father's limp hands and intertwines their fingers. Their bodies are joined, connected, but holding Tony's hands, palm to palm, brings a whole other element of intimacy to the act.

His hips roll fluidly as he falls into a familiar rhythm, inching more and more of his father's cock inside his sopping wet pussy. He feels it the moment Tony's cockhead bumps against the entrance to his womb. He sucks in a sharp breath, lashes fluttering at the sensation.

He glances down the flat planes of his body and his breath hitches. He leads one hand to his belly where a subtle but noticeable bulge interrupts the natural shape of his body. He presses his father's hand against it, knowing his daddy's cock is right there.

"Daddy's cock…" Peter moans softly, "Feel you so deep inside me, daddy… and it's still– still, mm, not enough…"

It only makes him even more desperate to get it all inside. The bed starts to squeak, the headboard tapping against the wall as Peter's pleasured moans fill the air. 

He drags his father's hands, so warm and broad, to his hips. Presses Tony's fingers down and imagines his father guiding him as he fucks into his own son.

Pleasure grows inside him, warmth coiling tight in his belly.

"Dad…" 

Peter's moans are unrestrained and louder now that he's caught up in the pleasure. 

His eyes slip shut. He doesn't notice how his father's hands tighten around his waist nor does he notice Tony's eyes struggle to open.

He only notices when his father's hips push up violently, sinking that last stubborn inch inside of him.

"Ah!" Shock colors the yelp along with delight. His eyes fly open, terrified that somehow he's woken his father up.

Heat blooms from his cheeks and spreads all the way down. It leaves his chest flushed with mortification, his pink nipples peaked with excitement.

His father is staring right at him.

"Dad!" 

Peter cries out when Tony's hands turn harsh and drag him down so they're pressed chest to chest. His cock rubs against his father's belly and he's helpless– He can't help squirming and moaning even though he's been caught. Can't help rubbing his hard omega cock against his father's abs.

"Pete–!" His dad groans, arms snaking around his back. "Fuck! Fuck…!"

His daddy is… His daddy is fucking him! Instead of throwing Peter off, his father's strong arms hold him in place as he fucks in deep, hips thrusting up almost desperately.

"Dadd…!" Peter gasps. He turns his head, nuzzling against Tony's beard and searching for his lips. He feels like he'd die if he didn't kiss him right that second.

"Oh, fuck, baby…" his dad groans breathlessly. "Fuck… Don't wanna wake up… God, your pussy… My baby's pussy feels so good…"

"Oh…!" Peter desperately pushes against his dad's arms so he can look into his eyes. What he sees is both terrible and great.

His father is looking back at him, wonder and lust– Lust!– so clear in his eyes. The expression, one Peter has never imagined being directed at him, sends a thrill down his spine.

The terrible truth is that his dad thinks he's dreaming. But he thinks he's dreaming of fucking his own son…

"Don't wake up, dad," Peter breathes and Tony groans. He buys into it as Peter lets him fuck his pussy, encourages him with seductive rolls of his hips. "Want your cum… Want it so bad… Will you give it to me, daddy? Are you gonna blow inside my pussy…?"

His father moans, eyes refusing to close. He keeps looking straight at Peter with bleary, hazy eyes.

"Gonna– Mm, gonna fill my baby up…" Tony mumbles almost incoherently but Peter's so close that he catches every word. Excitement spikes inside him and he meets his father's thrusts with his own, desperate to feel him come.

"Do it, dad… Come inside," Peter says, eyes wide and pleading. "Do it, do it… Fill me up, daddy… Want… want your pups inside me…!"

A part of him thinks he's gone too far. A part of him thinks those words will shock his father into truly waking.

But perhaps he doesn't know his father as well as he thinks. Those forbidden words only spurn Tony into fucking him harder.

The alpha growls at the encouragement, hips slapping against his ass.

"Oh…! Oh!" Peter squeals when he feels it. 

His daddy's knot…

It's not the first time he's gotten Tony to knot him but this will be the first that he's being knotted instead of just taking it. 

It's different, vastly different with his father actually doing the deed. It adds a whole other element that was previously missing… His father's desperate groans and the way he clutches Peter tight as he ruts and ruts… Trying to get his knot to pop so that he can lock himself in.

The knot slips in and out, still too small but not for long. Peter clenches down on it, crying out with every failed attempt to keep it inside. It leaves him feeling too wide open, bereft, even though his father's cock is still stuffing him full.

Tony, too, is growling in his ear, puffs of warm breath ghosting over sensitive skin as he works desperately to tie them together. His cock touches every part of Peter deep inside… So deep…

All the while, his father's calling out his name.

"Peter… Mm, Peter, baby..."

It leaves no illusion as to who he's imagining and Peter moans in bliss, pliant and willing to be bred right then and there. With the relentless fucking, the desperate need to fill him up, it was inevitable that Peter couldn't hold on.

His entire body locks down as he finally gives him. Warmth blossoms between them, his aching cock spilling generously between their bellies. A rush of slick gushes around his father's cock, drenching his groin but that doesn't stop him.

All that slick only makes it easier to fuck into Peter's clenching pussy. Makes it easier to knot.

When the knot finally locks into place, Peter almost sobs in relief, spent as he is. The last harsh tug has tears prickle in his eyes but the sensation passes when a flood of heat surges into him.

Peter cries out, body shaking, as his father groans in completion. Load after load is released inside, his dad shamelessly filling up his little pussy… Cockhead pressed right where he wants it, soaking his insides and pushing through as much seed as possible into his womb...

The omega's nails drag down Tony's chest, leaving streaks of red lines in his wake. He feels every pulse, ever twitch… His daddy coming so deep inside him that he feels him in his stomach.

Cum drunk, Peter realizes with a soft moan. That's what he is… His daddy's filling him up so much that he's getting high off the feeling.

He kisses his dad with clumsy sloppy kisses and Tony returns them. His actions are more sluggish now that he's accomplished his goal.

"Sweet dreams…" Peter murmurs when he places another pill between Tony's lips. Another kiss and this time, Peter's tongue eases between his father's lips… His dad swallows it easily.

Tony drifts back into pleasurable dreams and Peter gingerly sits. He groans softly when his daddy's cock continues to pulse inside him. With his internal muscles squeezing down, milking the knot, he knows it'll be a long night.

Unlike all the other previous nights, Peter is now inspired. With the memory of his daddy reverently whispering his name, Peter starts to gently rock back and forth, stimulating the knot and getting ready for another round.

He'll be sure to give his daddy more sweet dreams to comfort him.

[hotchley]

heyy sumayyah! firstly: i'm so sorry you got hate asks >:( some people really can't be nice... that sucks. i'm back with my hc to (maybe, hopefully) distract you/cheer you up!! just saying, it's LONG and it's kind of angsty in the beginning lmao sorry oops, but it gets a little better towards the end!! i promise!!

tw mentions of (bad) eating habits, very briefly implied abuse/domestic violence and alcoholism, brief mention of almost-fainting!!

so my own horrible eating habits got me thinking of Hotch who already doesn’t eat that much because of how he was raised (on his father’s bad days, his mother wouldn’t even be able to get up to make food and his father would be batshit drunk anyway, so no one made food and there’s nothing at home, and Hotch is too young and doesn’t know how to cook for himself, and that just carried its way into adulthood even after he learnt to cook (for Sean, because Sean is a growing boy and still has to eat and he would do anything to make sure Sean grows up happy) and even after he gets together with Haley, who always has to check in on him to make sure he's eating properly)

like, man would throw himself into his work, sometimes not on purpose but because he just was so intent on finishing just one more document, and time just slipped by and when he looks up again it’s 8pm, the bullpen’s almost empty, and then he realises that he actually hasn’t ate anything since he had his morning coffee. and after especially bad cases (Vincent Perrotta, Carl Buford, Tobias Hankel, that case on the pig farm, Foyet, etc.) he just, avoids food on purpose, distracting himself by finishing all the paperwork he has, even if they’re not urgent, sometimes even completing the team’s paperwork (as much as he can) just because he feels like he’s failed them. the team doesn't deserve to be bogged down by all these bureaucratic issues but he does, because what good is his role as their unit chief if he can’t even shield them from the evil out there, if he has to send his team into the abyss every single time and every time someone else gets more injured/fractured, and the least he could do is to help out the team with what he’s best with, right? all those behind-the-scenes, messy, cutthroat politics, because it’s okay if he takes the brunt of the scrutiny of the brass and if he could he would not even let the team relive what they’ve been through because they don’t deserve that, they don’t deserve having to recount their traumatic experience in a bloody report that will eventually just be filed and chucked aside but will leave emotional and mental scars on his agents that will never be erased.

or sometimes he’s just stressed out and anxious and food just really doesn’t go well with his stomach, and he opts to skip meals entirely - he drinks coffee only because he still needs to keep awake, to make sure he’s paying full attention on all these cases and victims and his team who deserve his 120%, and because his stomach’s been conditioned to accept coffee no matter what (over 10 years of being in the BAU after over another 5? years as a prosecutor, where he drank coffee like his life depended on it). and sure, he’s lost weight, his ribs slightly showing when he raises his hands to reach for things/take off his sweaters, sure he’s looked a little more gaunt and tired as the years go by, sure he’s had some almost fainting spells in his office after a long day without food, where his vision just blacks out for 5 seconds after he stands up and he has to clutch onto the edge of his desk to stabilize himself, but it's okay to him, because he must be the strong, stoic, reliable leader for his team and he can’t faint in his office, not when the blinds are open and the team can look in and when he knows that Derek, Emily and Spencer are all looking in concerned because he hasn’t left his office all day

and i’m just also thinking about how the team would just, do their best to feed him??? like, when they stop for gas on long road trips to/back from cases, he always doesn’t buy anything besides a coffee (black, as usual, with just a dash of sugar and cream on good days) for himself, but then JJ passes him an unopened nutri bar which she claimed she bought earlier for herself but now 'doesn’t feel like eating anymore', Dave silently hands over a cookie (chocolate chip, his favourite) and stares at him with his eyebrows raised until Aaron accepts the cookie and actually eats it, Derek slips a wrap into his hands somehow and offers to drive because 'Hotch, you gotta finish your wrap', Spencer casually asks Hotch if he can help him finish off this sandwich which he bought but cannot finish, and Hotch looks down and sees a perfectly fine egg and ham sandwich which hasn’t even been bitten into, but Spencer’s looking at him with those eyes (he thinks of Jack and how strikingly alike his sons they are) so he takes the sandwich and eats it, Emily openly challenges him and says ‘here’s the bag of chips i owe you, you better finish it all because i took the trouble of actually getting them or else’ and he goes along with it because he’s learnt that arguing with her is sometimes equivalent to arguing with Penelope, and that mostly ends up with him going along with both their ‘suggestions’ in the end anyway, and on the rare cases where Penelope goes with the team out into the field, she always packs homemade cookies and cupcakes that are so wonderfully bright and colourful, like everything about her, and when she gets to him with those sparkling hopeful eyes and says ‘I made these myself, come on, have a taste and let me know what you think?’, Hotch can’t help but accept it because he doesn’t ever want to disappoint Penelope and make her sad, because her bubbly and innocent demeanour reminds him of Jack and he would never do anything to kill that bright light that is Penelope

aND I’m getting some big emotions. imagine all the subtle (& not so subtle) things the team does just to make sure he eats (regularly) which may include and are not limited to: inviting themselves over to Hotch’s house for homecooked meals (Spencer, Derek), inviting him & Jack out on outings or playdates which most often than not end with them at restaurants where Hotch eats because Jack needs a good role model on healthy eating behaviours and he’s got to be that for Jack (Derek, Emily, JJ), or just showing up at his house/office to leave him baked goods/cooked meals that were always somehow ‘extras’ or ‘leftovers’ (JJ, Penelope, Rossi, Spencer) i'm sorry this got so long!! it was written a little over a month ago when i was procrastinating on my literature essay in the middle of the night, so i got a little angsty LOL. i hope this distracts you somewhat from the horrible ask you got! take care of yourself! sending love and hugs <33

🌙

Putting my answer below the keep reading for scrolling x

Aww thank you for sending it!! When I saw I had an ask, I really thought it was you, and then it was that stupid anon and I was like: Oh okay then... I have to go eat dinner so....

Ohh... his childhood... the poor kid would've been so much smaller, but so determined to do everything for Sean because that's his little brother and he loves him more than anything... I love Haley though <3

He would so do that though. He would tell himself he could eat once he's done something- which is really unhealthy, if you're reading this do not ever withhold food, if you're feeling hungry just eat something it doesn't matter what it is because something will always, always be healthier than nothing- and then he would pick something else up and the cycle would repeat...

He would convince himself the coffee is enough, that there's nothing wrong with his habits because he's never done anything different, but he would know deep down that it's not right. But he still wouldn't eat anything because he knows it'll make him naesous either way.

The worst part is what are the team meant to do in that situation? They can't force him to eat... as much as they may want to, they can't...

YES! The team would have a tally chart of who last had to make Hotch eat, so they would have a rota, and occasionally (all the time actually) they would deviate from said rota and then they would all look at each other and then laugh because eh, it's fine!

That ending was so cute, I love them <3

Noo!! Don't be sorry it go so long, I love it so much!! I might have to work it into a fic... wait... one of them may have referenced JJ giving him in a sandwich, unless that was only in my head lol

[hale-13]

Violation of Order

By Hale13

For the Summer of Whump Day 14 - Hair Grabbing

Peter settled earlier than anyone else he knew and he could only attribute it to one person. Since then, he and Zara had a hard time being more than a few feet away from each other - he needed her close to protect her from ever going through that again.

Words: 2151, Chapters: 1/1 (Complete), Language: English

Fandoms: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)

Rating: Gen

Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark

Characters: Peter Parker, Ned Leeds, Tony Stark

TW: Non-Consensual Touching, Implied Sexual Assault, Panic Attacks

Daemon AU

Read on AO3 or below the line break.

Contrary to what popular scientific and psychological research would imply, Peter settled early.

Zara had always enjoyed shifting, bouncing between fifteen to twenty forms a day to whatever suited her fancy in the moment and taking great pleasure in trying every fantastical creature she and Peter could dream up. Peter was always one of the smallest of his peers so she liked to be big and intimidating compared to those around him.

Well, until his parents died.

After that Zara tended to prefer small and agile creatures, animals that could hide in Peter’s pockets or the hood of his jacket – where they could get skin to skin contact. Snakes that could coil around his arms, birds that could nest in his ratty hair, ferrets that could curl up around his neck and tickle his chin. Peter didn’t mind the extra comfort, he and Zara were always extremely close but they couldn’t stand to be more than a few feet from each other after he came to live with May and Ben.

Skip’s daemon had been a wolf – an odd sight in New York – and had held Zara tight in her jaws to get Peter to comply.

Zara had screamed and cried and shifted and clawed at the other daemon to get away resulting in Skip gripping her tightly in one fist and tossing her into the wall. Peter and Zara had screamed in unison at the unwelcome touch and had been stunned enough for Skip to get what he wanted.

When Zara settled into an opossum later that night they had cried together for their lost childhoods. For growing up too quickly. For knowing that it was probably going to happen again and feeling helpless to stop it. Sen and Lotte, May and Ben’s daemons had cuddled and groomed Zara the next day, trying to offer what comfort they could while May and Ben tried to get through to Peter. It wasn’t until months later that Zara finally spoke up on Peter’s behalf to save them.

Peter’s been through a lot in his life but the only thing that came close to have his soul manhandled was the Bite and Ben’s subsequent death.

At the single Easter Mass May had taken him too in his early years living with his aunt and uncle, the priest had described death as beautiful – the entry into the next life. The dust from the deceased’s daemon a shower of blessings on the ones they loved. The dust from Lotte, a beautiful yellow lab, was the least beautiful thing Peter had ever seen as it mixed with the blood coating the ground and settled into his and Zara’s hair. The sight of it washing off and down the drain later was even worse.

Peter’s main goal as Spider-Man became protecting others from having to experience something similar.

“Peter!” Ned said, pulling Peter out of his wandering and back into the present. His macaw daemon, Veerle, was flaring her scarlet plumage and adjusting her wings to balance better on his best friend’s shoulder and trying to peer into Peter’s hood where Zara had been snoozing through the last of his classes. “Did you hear anything I said?”

“Uh… yeah of course!” Peter cringed at the obvious lie in his voice and glared at Veerle who snickered at him. Ned just rolled his eyes.

“I was saying we should meet up tomorrow afternoon to get a head start on that project from Harrington. I can’t take the stress of procrastinating again,” Ned told him dramatically, elbowing him lightly in the side as they exited the doors to Midtown and started walking in the direction of Ned’s house.

“It’s not due for a month,” Peter pointed out, shivering as Zara shifted in his hood, wrapping her tail around his neck and propping her head up to rest on his shoulder with a yawn.

“That’s what you said last time,” she pointed out and Peter flicked her on the nose with a scoff of betrayal, ignoring his friend’s laughing. “Hey!”

“Whose side are you on here huh?” He asked in mock anger before breaking out in a smile. It had been a while since he and Ned had had the opportunity to hang out as just the four of them – too long in fact. Peter was excited for the weekend that they had planned; a pizza and movie marathon of some classic Sci-if and now, assumingely, some homework. Whatever, they were still going to have a great time. All Peter needed to do was a quick evening patrol and he was done for the weekend.

“Ned,” Zara answered, rubbing her nose dramatically with a paw. Peter rolled his eyes at her as he started scoping for a good alley to change in that was close to Ned’s house, spotting a good one not too far ahead.

“I shouldn’t be more than a couple of hours and then I can get started on my part,” Peter promised Ned as he made his way to the alley. “I promise this time.”

“I’ve heard that before,” Ned said with an eye roll, his face a little pinched but still indulgent. “Try not to get stabbed this time.”

“No promises,” Peter muttered as they parted. Not that he would tell Ned if he did get injured anyway; he kept a pretty decent first aid kit with him at all times and he felt pretty confident that he could hide any injury from his friend until it completely healed. The alley he ducked into was empty except for the couple beaten dumpsters that Peter hid behind to change into his suit, offering his open back for Zara to climb into. Patrolling with her wasn’t always the easiest but they had settled into a rhythm for the most part.

Firing a web, Peter took off into Queens, hoping for a relaxing afternoon.

————————————————

It was nearing eleven when Ned sent his obligatory ‘I told you so’ text complete with eye roll emoji that Peter left on read just for the principal of the thing. It had been a busy Friday evening and had only just started to slow down enough for Peter and Zara to take a breather – he was thankful May was working tonight so he wouldn’t get caught inevitably breaking his curfew.

“I think we’re done,” Zara told him with a yawn, her head poked out the top of his book bag and looking over his shoulder as Peter leisurely swung from web to web heading, vaguely, toward home.

He hummed. “One more quick scan,” he compromised and Zara grumbled a little but didn’t protest when he said “Got anything for me K?”

“Sure thing Peter,” Karen’s chirpy voice replied. “An emergency call was just placed two blocks away for a possible mugging in progress.”

“Throw it up on the screen for me,” Peter said, hopping off the roof he was perched on and swinging toward the blinking red dot on his HUD as quickly as he could. Zara sighed from his backpack and kept her head poked out to observe. Muggings weren’t (normally) that big of a deal so she didn’t really hide in the bag as much for those – unless it started to get really hairy.

“That’s all I have! I promise I don’t have anything else!” A man’s voice yelled, the timbre trembling and terrified as Peter swung onto the scene. The victim couldn’t have been much older than Peter and he and his robin daemon were pressed as tightly to the dirty brick wall as they could get, trying to stay away from the mugger brandishing a knife and his corgi daemon – growling and snarling between his legs.

“Lovely evening right gentlemen?” Peter quipped as he dropped to the ground in a crouch a few feet away. “Perfect time to get into a little larceny am I right?”

“This doesn’t involve you Spider-Man,” the mugger said, turning to face Peter instead, his daemon showing her teeth. Zara, head still poked out of his backpack, hissed loudly in return and scuttled up to sit on Peter’s shoulder, anchoring herself with her tail around his neck and digging her sharp little claws into his suit.

“You know,” Peter told him conversationally, standing and trying to telepathically communicate to the victim to make his escape out the other end of the alley. “That’s what they all say but I just can’t seem to mind my own business,” he shrugged as if to say ‘oh well’ and took a step closer. The victim had started edging out of the alley so Peter needed to keep up with the distraction until he was safe. “Now how’s about you put the knife away and I’ll web you to the wall and we all leave here friends?”

The mugger scoffed and turned to look at his victim with a ‘can you believe this guy’ expression on his face before it darkened at the sight of his escaping prey.”Hey!” He yelled, turning fully and reaching out to grab the man – knife raising threateningly. Peter, in an act of desperation, jumped in between them causing the man to grab onto Zara by the scruff of the neck instead.

Peter nearly dropped to the ground under the pain of feeling someone grabbing onto his bare soul and Zara screamed and hissed in the man’s grip, finally biting him on the wrist so he dropped her to the ground, some of her course hair still stuck to his palm and flaking off in pieces. Looking horrified and sick himself, the man took off with his corgi daemon whimpering at his heels leaving Peter alone.

Peter let out a sob, his skin still crawling, and curled up into a tight ball. The last time anyone had touched Zara had been Skip when he had… when he…

“Your heart rate has reached unacceptable levels,” Karen’s clear voice cut through. “Mr. Stark is on his way.”

Peter gasped in response (he couldn’t breathe, why couldn’t he breathe?) and reached out blindly for where Zara was curled up and trembling a few feet away, scooping her into his chest and pressing his masked face into the fur of her side.

“Peter Mr. Stark is three minutes out but you need to control your breathing,” Karen told him gently. “Please follow the prompts on the screen – in for four, hold seven, out eight.”

Peter couldn’t even breathe in for one second let alone four but he tried to follow Karen’s directions – having Zara back in his arms where he could run his fingers through her hair and try to get rid of the unwanted touch that he could still feel phantom echos of helped some but not enough. By the time Tony landed with Silon in his arms a few minutes later Peter hadn’t really managed to improve his mental state by much.

“Oh Pete,” Tony said sadly, stepping out of the suit and kneeling down in front of Peter. “I’m so sorry kiddo.” Peter just let out a loud sob in response but didn’t protest Tony pulling his mask carefully over his head and running calloused fingers through his hair. Silon, Tony’s large serval daemon, cautiously curled over Peter to begin nuzzling Zara, his purr sounding comforting but sad.

“He touched her,” Peter forced out, nearly gagging as he said it, fresh tears spilling down his cheeks for Tony to rub away with his thumbs. “He grabbed her.”

“I know buddy, I saw,” Tony confirmed, levering Peter up to sit cross-legged with his back to the wall and Zara coiled in his lap. “I know there’s nothing I can say that will help but I’ve got Happy on the way. We’re going back to the Tower and we’re going to watch Star Wars and you’re going to cuddle with her okay? It’ll help.”

Peter nodded erratically, gripping Zara tighter for a moment and then releasing her when she reached out one of her paws to Silon. He let her climb onto his back and grip onto him with all four limbs and tail, craning his neck back to groom her gently. “The last person to touch her was… it was… I didn’t want…”

“I know Petey,” Tony told him as he pulled him in for a firm hug that Peter was quick to reciprocate, clinging onto his mentor just as tightly as Zara was to Silon. “I know buddy, just let it out.”

There were some things that Tony Stark could fix – Peter could trust him to try to fix just about any problem he was presented with – but Peter knew that this would be one of those things that would be cracked inside of him forever. Something that no one besides Peter and Zara could work on and something that would always haunt them. But, sitting there with his mentor in one of the dirty alleys of Queens, Peter thought he could feel it mending.

[lemonietrinket]

Lung-Crusher ||| Johnny x Reader x Haechan

Summary: After a long day, you and Johnny are peacefully dozing on the sofa. You expected you would be left alone but you’d be wrong. Genre: Fluff, humour Warning(s): None Word Count: 1237 Theme Song: Aurora - Ateez; Love Me Love Me - Winner AN: A somewhat request from @idontknowapil. She didn’t intend on it happening exactly but here it is. The sadness was dispelled bc it was such a good prompt and I was able to write it instead of doing all my work that i missed out on over the past three days gotta love procrastination. Enjoy!

~~~

The room was the perfect temperature, an unusual occurrence but one that did not go amiss.

You felt your eyes grow heavy as you sank into Johnny’s warmth.

He was positioned slightly to your side, his head nestled into your chest, his feet awkwardly hanging pretty far over the edge of the arm of the sofa you were piled onto. He didn’t seem to mind though, instead tucking his hands further into yours sides, your shirt woven in his fingers.

Yours were gently sketching spirals through his hair, smoothing it down its unruliness that the wind had sparked.

His breath tickled the skin of your neck—it being the only reason why you were still awake. However he was too peaceful for you to shift his weight so you would be completely undisturbed, and thus you let him be.

Pulling yourself back into the realms of the living at the sound of the living room door opening you blinked at the silhouette by the frame. 

“H-Haechan?”

“The one and only,” he laughed, shrugging his bag off his shoulders and discarding it where Doyoung would scold him about it later. His voice possessed that playful lilt it always did, but also one of mischief.

It wasn’t as often you heard it, but you knew to perhaps be wary. Especially after what happened to Mark last time, who hadn’t been.

You closed your eyes again as you were reminded of Johnny’s presence as he shifted. The man wasn’t as asleep as you’d perhaps first gleaned. 

However, Haechan had a lot of respect for him, and wouldn’t try anything if there was a high chance of Johnny becoming collateral. 

Yes, it was much more likely that the two of them would actually work together and prank you.

Your eyes opened as you peaked at him. You found him still asleep, cheek squished by your collarbone. He wasn’t actually planning anything with Haechan, right?

“I must say, Y/N...” the boy poised, interrupting your thoughts.

You flicked your head up to get a better view of him, immediately meeting his eyes and catching a bright, cheerful smile. 

Oh the kid was planning something, for sure.  “Say what?” you enquired, returning the favour.

He glanced around the room. “It’s pretty cold in here.”

You followed where he was looking, seeing nothing of significance.  “Really?” you replied nonchalantly, checking up on Johnny.  Out like a light. 

“Aren’t you cold, Y/N?” Haechan propositioned. But before you could answer, he continued. “Oh, of course not! You’ve got Johnny there, serving as a blanket.”

You whipped your eyes up to him, only to catch him smiling even wider as he cocked his head to the side.  

“I’ve also got to say, Y/N,” you squinted at him as he began to take slow steps towards you, “you do look quite warm.”

“And are you cold?” you enquired, pushing for answers, wary that you’d run out of time, and that the end of the game was about to fall upon you.

Oh how you were right about that in more ways than one.

“Actually... now you mention it...” He was right beside the sofa now. “...I am!”

There was a silence, as he gave Johnny’s back a single poke. 

“Haechan! Don’t do that you’ll wake him!” you chastised, though the man didn’t even flinch. 

The boy shrugged. “He’s going to regret not waking up at that.”

Before you could ask what that meant, Haechan was pouting, the glint in his eyes growing so strong you knew your demise was upon you. 

“Ayo, Y/N, it’s my turn!”

And then he practically flung himself on top of both you and Johnny.

To describe what ensued as chaos would be accurate.

Johnny instantly awoke as the weight slammed into his back, a laboured groan leaving his lips as he was wrenched from sleep. Haechan meanwhile miscalculated the angle—that or Johnny kicked him off him somewhat out of reflex —and began to slip off. 

He shrieked, a laugh caught in his throat as he desperately clung to your arm. You managed to haul him up, so instead of crashing to the floor, or crushing Johnny—who had been practically supplanted, but at the very least, graced with the fortune of only being shoved to the side—Haechan was instead squishing you.

And there went your ability to breathe.

“Ahhh,” Haechan sighed, wriggling his arm beneath Johnny’s much to the man’s distaste, so he could hold onto you better, “this is the life.”

“Haechan, what the... what the hell?” Johnny asked grouchily, rubbing his eyes as he continued to attempt to understand what had just happened. He sat up, to take a better look at his surroundings, and you’d hoped that would have alleviated the strain on your chest but, no. As soon as he moved, Haechan moved over, taking his space, and soon he was situated square over your lungs and rendered you completely immobile.

The assailant just smiled sweetly. “What?! I’m just getting a cuddle.”

“I...?” Johnny turned to you, looking for answers.  If you had any air in your lungs you would have laughed at him. His swift movement had left his hair dishevelled, but only on one side. Alongside his confused expression he looked adorable, all grumpily bemused like that. But alas. Your lungs were empty.

“H-Hae...chan!” you wheezed, patting his stomach from where your hand had gotten trapped. 

He turned his attention back to you, cutely resting his chin upon you.

“Yes, angel?”

Well it would have been cute had it not dug into your collarbone a bit too abruptly. 

“C-can...’t... brea-the!” 

His eyes immediately widened as a string of apologies flew from his lips. He sat bolt upright, throwing himself back to he was sat on the armrest, not a single part of you squashed.

You took in the fresh air gratefully as feeling returned to your body, all while Johnny glanced across to Haechan and back to you.

“What—?”

“Haechan...” you began, propping yourself up on an elbow, “if you want hugs too, you can just... like, ask?”

He pressed his lips together, eyes made big and puppy-like. “Can I have a cuddle too?”

“Of course, come here.” You held out your arms, letting him return carefully this time. You made sure he was settled in a way that was comfortable for the two of you this time round, and so not only you could breathe, but also continue to as well, when the space you deliberately left would hopefully be filled. 

You let Haechan nuzzle his nose further into your neck as you rubbed his lower back protectively and looked over to Johnny.

“What just happened?” he asked exasperatedly, the tiniest hint of a pout reaching his lips.

“Well...” You shook your head, rolling your eyes. “Don’t worry about it. Do you want to come back?”

He nodded, preferring to go back to sleep rather than push the matter further.

Settling into the space you’d left vacant, he squished himself as close as he could to you, his fingers entwining with yours at your chest as he opted to prop his head up on the armrest beside yours.

Despite the chaos, you did learn some things from this experience at least. Two, to be exact:

1. Haechan had no qualms with letting Johnny be collateral.

2. You were never safe from his tricks.

Although, maybe not all of his games were all-bad. 

You were now doubly cosy after all.

~~~

AN: So this is way shorter than I expected

Hope yall enjoyed nonetheless

Masterlist

[adyo34]

How to Love Yourself: 15 Tips for Developing Self Love

Do You Really Love Yourself?

Do you think that loving yourself is selfish? Many of us have been taught that tending to our own needs first is wrong. The truth is that learning to love yourself is not selfish, it is in fact the key to a free and happy life.

Do you want to discover how to cultivate a deep sense of love for yourself? Do you long to radiate confidence and security in your life? It is so easy to fall into the trap of self-doubt, procrastination and negativity. Once we start comparing ourselves to others we find it even harder to find self love.

Why is it Important to Develop Self Love?

Many people do not realize how linked the law of attraction and self love are. You know that everything is energy and vibration in this universe, so doesn’t it make sense that through love you will flow pure energy? When you feel good within you feel good about everything else too. Everything is a reflection of your perceptions, beliefs and vibrations.

It is not selfish to love yourself first, it is essential, and we’re not talking about arrogance or telling people how awesome you are! We’re talking about accepting yourself on a deep human level and treating yourself with respect.

When you love yourself you create self-confidence, self-worth and compassion. One of the biggest problems we all face in this age of Instagram and facebook is about validating ourselves through the approval of others. When we are constantly comparing our lives to other peoples or have worth tied up in their opinions of us, we are setting ourselves up for misery. The answer is to have that sense of self so cemented that nothing anyone can say or do can knock you from your knowledge of who you are and what you are worth. That deep place of self-love is the starting place for all miracles!

We’re going to show you some simple ways to incorporate self love into your life and grow your self esteem for a happy life.

When you learn how to love yourself, the law of attraction will suddenly seem to work to your benefit much more. That’s because when you fuel your desires with optimism (because you just 100% know that you are worthy!), you allow positive things to flow to you with much more ease.

How to Love Yourself: 15 Tips for Developing Self Love

1. Train Yourself Positive Everyday write down 3 positive things about yourself. These can be anything from achievements in life to friendships you value or physical/ character traits you admire in yourself. The reason this helps is that it trains you to look for and appreciate the positive over the negative in your life. Imagine what it would feel like to praise instead of criticize yourself!

2. Take Yourself Somewhere New Instead of waiting for the right moment or person to come along, why not just go to the movies or try a new restaurant on your own? When you can break through insecurities you have about doing these things solo, you deepen that connection to your true self. You discover the part of you that loves who you are unconditionally.

3. Travel Setting off on a trip alone is a wonderful way to cultivate self love and get to know yourself. It’s even better if you also take in a new culture or unknown destination as you will be forced to strip down any preconceptions you may have about others and yourself. Throwing yourself into the unknown is brave and takes confidence, you will find out a lot about yourself on a deep level.

4. Journal Writing is a proven therapeutic way of releasing tension and negativity. It is amazing to process your feelings and emotions about yourself and your life through journaling. You can also go back and see how you worked through challenges and learned from any bad experiences.

5. Mirror Work Every morning go to the mirror and look straight into your eyes and say to your reflection “I love you, just as you are and I want to be your friend.” You can choose your own words of course, but the effect of this is incredibly powerful. Some people may find it very challenging at first, but keep at it and feel your self esteem and confidence soar.

6. Create a Vision Board When you don’t love yourself you don’t believe you can have the things you want in life. Creating a personal vision board of everything you dream of is a wonderful way to get excited about your future. Why not include images of things you already have that you love and are proud of? This can help you to identify with your vision and not see it as just an unattainable dream.

7. Meditate Every Day Meditating on a regular basis is like food for the mind and soul. We all know it by now, but how many of us actually can say we do it enough? When you get into a healthy practice of calming your mind you start to feel who you really are on a deep level and how you connect with everything else in the world.

8. Listen to Your Gut Another benefit of meditation is being able to recognize your instincts for what they are and listening to them. When you develop the ability to trust your own intuition, you foster self love. Knowing how to trust your gut is to stand in your own power and own it.

9. Regular Self Care Self love is much more than getting a haircut and a mani-pedi, however taking the time to respect and honour your physical body with loving gestures that make you feel good is highly recommended. Confidence and beauty do start within, but sometimes looking good can help you feel better on the inside when you are struggling with self-esteem.

10. List Your Accomplishments

Don’t be too shy to give yourself a little credit where credit is due. Write a list of everything you are proud of, whether it’s an educational or work achievement or simply learning a new recipe or deciding to master a yoga position. Big and small accomplishments are all worthy of praise, no matter what they are.

11. Practice Forgiveness Forgiveness is vital to your mental and emotional health. Holding onto resentment towards others only hurts you in the long run. Equally, identify where you beat up on yourself for choices you regret or whatever toxic thoughts you have about your past, and then decide to let them go. Tell yourself you are just another human on a journey of life and love yourself through all your mistakes.

12. Don’t be Afraid to Say No A lot of stress can be avoided when you realize it’s ok to say no sometimes. If you don’t feel like going out or feel overwhelmed, listen to that and take it as a sign to spend some time alone getting grounded again. You cannot please everybody and you need to make sure you are being true to yourself first.

13. Leave Your Comfort Zone On the flip side of the above point, say yes occasionally when you normally say no. You can tell (if you’re listening to your gut) whether your ‘no’s’ are coming from a place of fear or a genuine desire not to do something. Try saying yes to something out of the ordinary for you and see how it feels to challenge yourself in new ways.

14. List Positive Traits in all Your Friends This is a fun one to do in a couple or with a friend. Sit down together for 5 minutes and list the strong qualities and positive aspects that you each identify in the other. This can be an amazing way to bond in relationships and also has the uplifting effect of raising your own self esteem.

15. Be Childlike

Find a photo of yourself as a child and really study it. Try to remember what that little person dreamed of, what they believed and wished for. See the innocence and light in your young eyes and find that place in you now, that place of purity and playfulness. Self love never went away it just got pushed aside. When you remember your childlike innocence, worries seem to fade away.

You might find some of these suggestions scary at first, perhaps you shy away from some of our tips because they threaten your normal way of thinking and behaving. The bottomline is you will feel so much happier and more positive in your life if you work on developing love for yourself.

Once you master some of the ways to create self love you will realise how crucial it is to own who you are and shine your authentic light in the world.

Bonus Tip – Try using love to create the things you desire. For example, tell yourself that you are going to love yourself into the best version of you. You want a bigger house? A soul mate? A new job? A dream vacation? Love them all into existence. You can draw them, write about them, dream about them, whatever you choose, just as long as when you think of them you feel the vibration of love not lack. Love the life you desire into existence with your unfailing belief in your own magnificence.

Click on the link here to discover more about how “Manifestation Magic” can help you

[baby-bearie]

Verus Amor

description: while peter searches for criminals, y/n searches for true love.

a/n: oh my gosh. i have a lot to say before i actually get to the piece. this fic is for @afterglowparker1k writing challenge. this has been one of the greatest writing experiences of my life, and it took forever. three different storylines with multiple drafts of each, and finally this one just took off. i do want to thank a few people, because i went to them when i got stuck:

thank you for putting up with me and being exemplary writers: @seqveydaniel@coolkidcorbyn @katie-avery @cloudsncoffee @dxnielseavey @danieldelicate @jackscorbytch @keepseaveyweird @zachheroin @seaveyssparkle

and to these accounts that even though they don’t know me at all, took time to answer my questions: @naturallytom @starksparker

all of you are such big inspirations

word count: 3, 266

warnings: absolute fluff, language, mentions of violence

 tags: @everybody up there^^ @perfectlyseavey @tempus-ut-luceant @kindparker @5sos-seavey @daniel-darling

“Peter, I swear to god, if you don’t shut up, I will take off these heels and come after you.” Your words were dangerous, but your tone stayed light, hiding a smile and snapping your eyes to Peter’s in the vanity mirror in front of you. He smiled, from his position sitting at the end of your bed. He threw his keys up in the air again before falling back onto your bed, legs still hanging over the edge. You reached for your left-side earring, fastening the backing. 

“I’m just saying, what if his tattoo ends up being, like, a dick or something? Do you really want a dick on you forever?”

“Pete, don’t start on guessing other people’s tattoos until you’ve showed me yours.”

“I just don’t like showing it to people, I told you!”

You reached for your perfume, spritzing it onto your wrist. Your eyes latched onto the imprinted, permanent black and white image of a paper airplane folded into a map. Your hand traced over it and you wondered who, if anyone, wore your tattoo. You had been waiting for your soulmate for all your life. You wanted to meet them, and even if it was supposed to be painful, you couldn’t wait for your second tattoo. Your soulmate’s tattoo. It wasn’t uncommon for someone your age to have not found their love by now, most people only got there when they were nearly 20. But for you, you didn’t even want to stick around after high school. You would take off and travel the world, hence the paper airplane. It really did fit you. 

So if you wouldn’t be able to wait for your soulmate then, you needed to find them now. To prepare yourself, you had managed to memorize the tattoos of every boy you found, for the slightest sliver of a chance that maybe they were the one. But, when six-year-old Y/n asked six-year-old Peter Parker what his tattoo was so that she could write it into her list, his hand flew to his shoulder, and he shouted a “No!”, remembering how his uncle had told him to not show it to anyone, even Peter didn’t know what it meant. You weren’t one to take no for an answer, and continued to bug Peter about it, even if that meant spending almost every second of your time around the boy. You continued to pester him about it for the eleven years you had been his friend. 

“What is your point here, Peter?” 

“That Flash is a dick? And that you shouldn’t go out with him?”

“We’re 17. We’re supposed to find our true love in a couple years. I’m just looking.”

“Flash, though? Really?”

You turn around in your chair, head cocked at Peter, eyebrows raised up in a baffled expression. 

“Yes, really.” You got up and smoothed out your red shirt. You walked past Peter, who sat up. You bent down to kiss his cheek, and he sighed, defeated.

“I’ll see you at school tomorrow, lock the door when you leave! Love you!” You called to him as you rushed out the door. Peter heard the door fall shut.

“Not like I do.” Peter sighed and stood, finding himself in your mirror. He lifted his shirt just the slightest and his eyes fixated on the paper airplane crossed with patterns of lines he knew too well. He had memorized them long ago, five days after he met you in the first grade. The day before you finally showed him your tattoo in a desperate bargain to see his, and the day before little Pete realized he had fallen in love with the annoying girl on his playground. Peter dropped his shirt and the reached to scrunch up his sleeve, exposing his shoulder. He stared at the spider, the same one that was splayed across his chest for the world to see every night he wore the suit.

Hiding something like that for two years had been extremely difficult. He would slap away Y/n’s hands quite often and excuse himself by saying his collarbone was hurting. At this point, Y/n was worried for his temperamental collarbone. He refused summer invitations to the pool and the beach. He stopped wearing tank tops, deciding he didn’t want to risk exposing the spider. Peter tugged his sleeve back over his shoulder, eyes moving to meet themselves in the mirror. He ran a hand through his hair. His eyes drifted to his own wrist then, catching the small watch. The hands ticked, reading as 5:00. Peter needed to be home by 6:00.      

Really, you weren’t expecting much out of a date with Flash Thompson. He wasn’t the greatest guy ever, and you knew that going into the date. But you had tried nearly every other approach, and by this point you were desperate to find your soulmate, even if that meant reaching for short straws. Half-way through the date, you found yourself getting quite bored. Flash had managed to go for a full hour talking about nothing but himself and how much he hated your best friend. You were sick of it, and nodding along to whatever shit he was blabbering about, you tugged your phone out. Under the table, you shot a text to Peter.

moron: hey pete

idiot: of course

moron: don’t say it

idiot: i told you so

You couldn’t help but smile down at your phone, biting your lip.

“Y/n?” You looked up, noticing Flash looking at you funny, eyebrows quirked expectantly.

“Oh, sorry, where were we?” You forced a smile, and acted interested.

“Like I was saying, I wanted to go for the,”

You let his voice fade out of your senses once again. He didn’t notice, too engrossed in the story of his own accomplishments. You looked back at your phone once he was no longer paying attention.

moron: yeah, yeah. come get me? don’t think i can wait this one out

idiot: can’t, i’ve got some stuff

moron: since when do you have stuff?

idiot: hey, i have a life. it’s for the internship

moron: god damn that internship

idiot: try to get ned to get you?

moron: i already did

idiot: you went to ned before me??

moron: duh, you would’ve been annoying about it. like you’re being right now

idiot: hey, i told you not to go. now you gotta stay

moron: mhm. hate you.

idiot: i know. i’ll text you later

You looked at Flash, now fully regretting coming on this date. There obviously wasn’t any sense of love you could feel. There obviously wasn’t any prickling sensation to go along with the missing butterflies. This obviously wasn’t it. You studied his face, and there were no sparks. His lips were moving, but you had long stopped paying attention to anything that came from them.

“And that’s when I-“Oh my gosh, you know what?” 

You interrupted him, “I think I forgot to throw out a box. You know, can’t procrastinate or it’ll never get done.”

“Oh, uh-“I can walk home, you stay and finish.”

You stood, smoothing your shirt and grabbing your purse. “Uh, well-“Bye, Flash!” You called, the bell jingling behind you as you walked out of the cafe. You had loved that cafe, and now it had been ruined. You wouldn’t be able to step into that cafe without thinking of this date. Wonderful.

Your feet carried you quickly today, almost as quick as the pace of the thoughts rushing in and out of your mind. So, you could definitely cross Flash off of your list. The list was growing shorter and shorter. At this point, you were about to give up hope. Where was he? Where was your true love? You had stressed about this since you were a little girl. You had grown up in a house with two happy, in love parents. They had been an exemplary pair of soulmates, never really losing any ounce of their love for each other. Growing up seeing that, and seeing your older siblings fall in love and get married, you’d always wanted that. You’d always been waiting for that, and at one point decided waiting wasn’t enough.

Now, it was nearly 9. You climbed up the stairs quietly, not really in the mood to tell your parents all about how your date had gone. They were as ready as you were for you to find your soulmate and always became excited whenever you mentioned a new boy.

You opened your room and flicked on the light, flopping backwards onto your bed. You covered your face with your hands and sighed.

“Hey.”

You snapped up, turning to look at Peter, who climbed in through your window. He gave you a weak smile, then winced.

“Peter! You scared me!” You put a hand over your chest and took a deep breath. He sat on your desk.

“So, the date was horrible, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah. What was I expecting? It’s Flash.”

Peter laughed, and then winced again.

“Hey, are you okay- oh my gosh, what happened?”

You stood to move to him, pushing down the hood of his hoodie. Your hand found his cheek, running your thumb over the purple bruise. It traveled to his forehead, pushing back his hair and you leaned closer to study the bloody cut starting at his hairline. It moved down to his chin, lifting it up so you could run a finger over his split bottom lip.

Your mouth parted, eyebrows furrowed with concern. “What, did some Stark executive beat you up over there?”

“Uh, not quite?”

You pulled Peter’s hand forcing him to stand up. He was suddenly taller than you, and your eyes followed up, and he looked back down at you. You put your hands on his shoulders, turning him and pushing him to the bathroom. He didn’t resist, walking backwards with you as you guided him. You pushed him into the counter and he hoisted himself up next to the sink. You squatted down, opening the cabinet to grab a box of vaseline and antibiotic ointment. You wet a towel and pressed it to his bruised cheek.

“This happened last week too. You ready to explain?” You muttered, eyes glancing down from the bruise to meet his. He looked away.

“No?” You looked back up to his injuries, backing away. You set down the towel and washed out his cuts.

“I’m not trying to get beat up.”

“Yeah, you’re not trying not to either.”

His hands gripped your hip bones, stopping your frantic searching for wherever the Neosporin was. You stopped and looked at him.

“Hey,” His voice was quiet. His eyes looked up into yours, searching for something. You put your hands on his shoulders, suddenly aware of how close he was to you, trying to create a little bit of distance.

“Did you hear about the guy who got his whole left side cut off?”

Your eyebrows scrunched in confusion, the corners of you mouth ticked up.

“What?”

“He’s alright now.”

You broke into laughter, never able to stay mad at him for long, your head fell to his shoulder before you pulled away and lightly shoved his shoulder. He grinned, grip tightening on you before pulling you closer to him again.

Your laughter faded, leaving just the shadow of a smile. Peter’s smile matched yours, eyes still studying your face like they always did. You took in a deep breath, suddenly feeling self-conscious under his eyes. And then you felt it.

Your stomach was full of butterflies. Peter sat in front of you, looking at you with adoration like he usually did. But this was different. It felt different. His eyes on you felt different and his hands on you felt different. You took a deep breath, nearly gasping for air.

You took a step back, and Peter’s hands dropped from your hips.

“All good to go.”

He didn’t get up quite yet.

“Thank you, Y/n. You really are the best.” He stood, stepping closer to lean down and press a kiss to your cheek. And then he was climbing out the window, turning to look back at you. His mouth opened, as if to say something before he closed it, turning back around and then he was gone.

Your cheeks burned, and you could feel the blush seeping in. You finally got ready for bed, jumping under the covers. After that day, you wanted to sleep as deep as you could. But you couldn’t. 

You laid awake in your bed, staring up at the ceiling. 

What was that? Were those what butterflies felt like? Why did your cheeks start burning when Peter kissed you? He always did that before he left. So what changed?

“Holy shit,” you whispered. Your eyes widened. “I’m in love with Peter.”

Because of your late night, you had a late morning. You slept through your multiple alarms, rolling out of bed. You jumped up, tripping over the blankets you had brought down with you. With zero care about the events of last night, you ran around your room, grabbing clothes from hangers while your toothbrush hung from your mouth. With 2 minutes to go, you stood in front of your mirror in Peter’s hoodie and black leggings, your immediate lazy outfit. You grabbed a hair tie to put your hair up, and the sleeves of Peter’s hoodie dropped to your elbow. And you saw it. The hair tie lay on the floor, long forgotten as you inspected the ink on the inside of your forearm. 

Your jaw went slack. “Oh my god.” 

There it sat. A spider. A black spider. The spider. You recognized that spider, anyone from New York would recognize that spider. Why was it on you?

Your eyes stared at themselves, realization pooling in them. “Oh my god.”

You yanked the sleeve down, and grabbed your bag, now rushing to school for a different reason. 

“Y/n!”

It wasn’t that you didn’t hear them. You did, but you simply turned and gave them a tight-lipped smile over your shoulder before you kept moving down the hallway, leaving behind your confused friends. Your feet hit the ground repeatedly, beat-up converse making quick thud noises with each step.

And then you saw him.

“Peter!” You called, picking up into a light jog.

Peter turned to face you, closing his locker. He smiled, but it faded into a questioning expression as he took you in, hair a bit tangled and eyes fiery.

You stopped in front of him, a bit out of breath. You took a deep breath in, before pressing your lips together and raising your eyebrows, throwing your hands in the air.

Peter laughed, a little nervously.

“What?”

You grabbed his arm, pulling him into a nearby doorway before you paused and closed your eyes, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“Y/n-Ow!” You whacked his arm.

“Seriously?” You spoke, whacking him again.

“Y/n, why- Ow, Y/n, stop!” He jumped, and you whacked him again.

“Spider-man? Really?” You spoke through gritted teeth, your voice low so you wouldn’t alert others around you.

Peter’s eyes widened as you hit him again.

He grabbed your arm as it lifted to hit him again, then taking the second in his hand, clutching both your wrists with his hands.

“Why would you think I’m Spider-man?” Peter laughed, eyes darting off to the side.

You shook your head, giving him a pointed look. “Drop it, spidey-boy. I can tell when you’re lying.”

Peter rolled his eyes and sighed, finally meeting your eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You tugged your hands out of his and gasped as whacked him again. You gritted your teeth and whispered. “Peter, enough. I know.”

You stepped back and yanked up your sleeve, revealing the tattoo.

Peter’s eyes got even bigger, reaching for your arm, he inspected it, and then looked back up at you. He took you in all over again. Your eyes burned bright with fury, hair loose and frizzy. Your cheeks were flushed red, and the skin under his hands was warm. You were beautiful.

His smile was light, disbelieving. “This- this is my tattoo.”

You yanked your arm away, hitting him again. “God damn it, Peter, I know that.”

You hit him once more. “You couldn’t have told me you were Spider-man?” Another hit. “Told me why you could never pick me up?” Another hit. “Told me why you were showing up at my house at night all beat up?” Another hit. “You and your stupid fake, shitty internship!”

You looked up at Peter, noticing his stuck expression. A light smile, mouth slightly parted. His eyes looked down at you, and they were filled with such love it made yours full of love too. He took your hands in his, turning over the wrist without the spider, showing you your own tattoo. His thumb rubbed over the small paper airplane, following each dotted line of the map. He looked back at you again, smiling widely now. He let go of you again, folding his arms and stepping back.

“My tattoo’s on you.” He finally spoke, smirking wildly.

You shrugged, rolling your eyes. “Yes. And?”

“You know what that means?”

“No?”

“You love me.”

“Shut up, Peter.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I love you too.”

“Oh my god, Peter, I said- wait, what?”

Peter smiled again, and lifted the hem of his shirt.

“Woah, spidey, not just hey, you can keep your shirt on.”

He rolled his eyes, turning to the side to show you his hip.

You took a step closer, pushing his shirt up and leaning to look. And you recognized it. The folded paper, the dotted lines of a map, it was your tattoo.

You stood straight again and Peter beamed at you. You whacked him.

“You didn’t even tell me you had my tattoo?” Whack. “You knew how hard I was looking for my soulmate, and you knew it was you?”

“Ow- Y/n, calm down!” He stopped you, pushing your arms to your sides.

“No, Peter. I’m mad.” You shook your head.

Peter smiled and raised your chin to look at you.

“Hey. I love you.” He grinned.

You looked away. Peter made you look back at him.

“C’mon, I know you want to say it. Say it.”

You made a face at Peter and sighed.

“Fine, Peter. I love you too.” You tried to hide your smile.

He envelopes you in a big hug, and you wriggled in his arms.

Your voice came out muffled by his jumper.

“Alright, gonna swing me to class, Spidey-Boy?” You squirmed out of his arms and began to walk to your class.

“Boy? Man! Spider-Man! Y/n!”

[thedevianthunterrk800]

Assumptions (Captain Allen x Reader)

This is me procrastinating writing with more writing :) 

Mature themes! But not exactly NSFW. 

Summary: A relationship is defined, and you forget to sneak your secret lover out before your roommates get home. 

Alternatively,

Tags: @heartsarecompatible​ @precursor-ao3 @thatoneemosithlord also @massivelymysticalsweets I hope this is fluffy and soft enough lol 

It only occurs to you that you’ve never had him over when you scan your fingerprint on the doorknob and he lets out a low whistle.

“Never seen one of those before,” he says with just a sliver of disbelief, eyeing the electronic lock distastefully.

“I think they remodeled this place right before we moved in,” you admit with a shrug, gently nudging the door open. A quick peek inside confirms that your roommates are indeed out for the night and you sigh in relief.

With much more confidence, you swing the door all the way open, the sensors setting the lights on.

Behind you, Allen snorts. “I grew up having to actually use light switches.”

Rolling your eyes, you grab his hand and lead him towards your room. “For the last time, this stuff’s new. I didn’t grow up here, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He seems distracted now, squeezing your hand in his. You’re suddenly acutely aware that the two of you are alone in the apartment, without any distractions for the whole night. A lot can happen in one night, something you only know too well from your previous…experiences with the SWAT captain.

You have to quickly remind yourself that you’re just packing an overnight bag so you can spend the night at his place, which you’ve been doing almost regularly. Of course, you try to behave and indulge him only every now and then because you don’t want to make your rather inquisitive roommates more suspicious than they already are. It doesn’t always work, though.

After all, you can hardly resist him.

With that being said, you’re barely surprised when, after entering your room, he suddenly pushes you backwards onto your bed. You fall with a gasp, and soon he’s crawling on top of you, a pleased smirk on his face.

“Dave…” you mumble, throwing your arms around his neck. He grins down at you, eyes shining the same way they do when he’s faced with a particularly difficult yet exciting task in the field. He sees the way your breath hitches when he begins to dip his head and he feels his chest tighten painfully, but not unpleasantly so.

If only you knew what you did to him…

His lips are on yours in an instant and you pull him closer, until his arms almost give. You don’t mind if he crushes you with his weight, which is a terrifying thought in its own right, but you can hardly concentrate on anything other than him and the way he feels pressed against you.

I love you, you want to say. But it might be too soon. Hell, you know it’s too soon.

Still, it’s his fault for making you fall so hard so quickly. It’s his fault for always catching your eye, offering up conversation even when he’s busy and really has no time to dilly-dally. 

Why is it that despite that, he always finds a way to see you, to ask you how your day is going, and to sometimes even bring you coffee or donuts?

You don’t know what changed, how your friendship developed into… this.

Into lingering touches that leave you wanting more.

Into burning kisses that you can feel for the next few days, that you crave more than anything.

Into secret escapades in the moonlight that end with you under him like you are right now, trembling from both pleasure and desire.

Neither of you have given this arrangement a title yet, and as much as you want to call it a relationship, you’re still not entirely sure if he’s even interested in that. He certainly acts that way, but he’s full of acts when he’s at work. How can you be sure this one’s any different?

For now, you push the doubts to the back of your mind. You close your eyes and try to lose yourself to his warm hands, soft lips, and eyes that never once leave your face.

I love you, you want to say.

One day, you hope he’ll feel the same.

::

You can’t even say you’re surprised that you both ended up falling asleep after some rather intense sex that lasted too long given the time constraints. At any rate, you don’t recall ‘quickies’ taking roughly two hours.

The plan, which he had sleepily (your first warning sign) suggested, was to take a well-deserved nap before finally gathering your things, and then finishing the evening at his place. Neither of you had work the next day, so it was set up to be a perfect, stress-free romp that would continue into the morning until you were both completely sexed out.

That, unfortunately, is not what actually happened.

Nobody woke up after an hour. Nobody bothered to set an alarm.

Instead, you find yourself startled awake when you hear a door slam outside, and two muffled voices reach your ears.

Fucking. Hell.

You sit up quickly, still in a total state of undress. Beside you, Allen is blinking blearily, jolted awake at your abrupt movement.

Your first instinct is to apologize, but then you realize who exactly is in your bed, and more importantly, who the other two outside are.

“They’re home,” you hiss a little more loudly than you intended, and it irks you that Allen hardly seems to care. “They’ll see us!”

“So?” the SWAT captain responds with a poorly-contained yawn, rolling his shoulders.

“What about keeping this a secret?”

He merely shrugs. “I’m sure it would’ve come out anyway.”

You groan, throwing your head back in anguish. “How can you be so fucking calm right now?”

At the distress in your voice, he raises an eyebrow at you, genuinely confused. “Why are you so worried about this?”

“Because! This. This is not allowed, right?”

“What, being in a relationship with someone a few ranks higher than you?”

You open your mouth to point out that he’s more than simply some random guy “a few ranks higher” than you, but then his words suddenly hit you.

Just like that, the horrifying idea of Tina and Gavin catching you walking out of your room with Allen hardly seems to matter all that much.

“We’re in a relationship?” you squeak, earning you an expression of pure disbelief from the gorgeous, naked man squished next to you on your full bed.

“Wh—what the fuck have we been doing this whole time then?” he splutters, properly taken aback by what you can only guess from his face is one of the most ridiculous things you’ve said to him yet.

“Well, we never talked about it,” you point out sheepishly, laughing a little when Allen slowly shakes his head as if he truly cannot believe what he is hearing.

“Jesus fuck. I thought I made it pretty fucking clear,” he mutters mainly to himself. You’re not sure if he’s amazed or horrified at the sudden turn of events, but you can safely say that you are beyond elated. Fuck, even that doesn’t do it justice.

Grinning from ear to ear, you surge forward and tackle him backwards into the bed. He barely misses hitting his head against the wall in the process but you don’t care, too ecstatic about the fact that you’re not the only one who has fallen madly in love these past few weeks.

Before he can say anything more, you grab the sides of his face and crush your lips against his. He lets out a small noise of surprise, followed by a chuckle as you continue your assault on his mouth. He relaxes beneath you, one hand resting on your hip and the other stroking your back.

This isn’t at all how you predicted this morning would turn out, but you sure as hell aren’t complaining.

When the two of you finally pull apart, Allen continues to chase your lips. You give in, of course, and the only thing that successfully prevents this from leading to yet another passionate round of sex is the loud shrill of his cellphone lying on the ground. Wincing at the intrusion, Allen swoops down to grab the device, scowling at the flashing name on the screen before answering.

“Allen.”

He makes faces at you as the caller, who you can only guess is yet another nameless higher up, begins to ramble on and on, with Allen offering the occasional “yes” and “alright”. This goes on for a few minutes before the SWAT captain ends the call with a curt, “I’ll be in at ten.”

Your face drops when you hear that. This is supposed to be his day off, one to be spent with you, his newly official significant other no less. He sees your disappointment and offers a consoling smile.

“Hey, don’t worry, babe,” he assures you, gathering you into his lap. You don’t complain, always content to be in his arms. “I don’t think I have to stay all day.”

You’d much rather he not go in at all, but that would only raise suspicions, wouldn’t it? As it is, you’ve already kept him to yourself for several hours now. Though you don’t want to, you have to let him leave. “I guess I can’t keep you here too long, huh?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll return the favor tonight.” He then winks at you and you have to physically restrain yourself from jumping his bones once again. Breathing sharply through your nose and reminding yourself that no, you can’t let him get distracted now, you detangle your limbs from his and hop off the bed.

Allen looks a little disappointed but seems to remember that it’s his fault you had to get up. He climbs out the bed after you, stretching his arms in front of him.

The two of you silently get dressed—Allen gets a bit handsy and you half-heartedly slap him for that—and in the lovestruck daze you’re in, you forget that your roommates are likely lounging in the living room outside.

It’s only when you pull your door open and step out do you realize that the two of you are no longer alone in the apartment.

“There you are—” Tina begins, looking up from the television. Her voice cuts off when she recognizes the bemused face behind you, and the half-eaten bagel she’s holding slips from her hand. At that exact second, Gavin emerges from the bathroom, still buttoning his jeans.

He glances up briefly and immediately double-takes when he realizes that there’s a fourth person in the apartment, and not one he would have ever expected to see.

“What the fuck?” he blurts without thinking, causing Allen to smirk almost triumphantly.

Your eyes dart between Gavin and Tina, both of whom are practically gawking at you in pure incredulity. Unable to form any words at the moment, you offer them a shaky grin, blindly reaching behind you to grab Allen’s arm so you can haul him out of there as quickly as possible.

Allen instead takes your hand in his own, causing you to flush and Tina to cover her mouth in a poor attempt to hide her snickering. Meanwhile, Gavin continues to gape at the pair of you, obviously unable to wrap his head around the fact that one of his most unassuming friends and roommate is currently and actively fucking Captain “Get in my way and I’ll fuck you up” Allen, a man that even he tries not to piss off.

Looking completely unfazed as always, Allen leads you towards the front door, taking the liberty to open it when you fail to.

Not that he can blame you.

You look like you just got caught with your hand inside the cookie jar, after all.

“I’ll let you know when I get done,” he says, stepping out into the hallway. You nod dumbly, leaning against the doorframe because you don’t trust yourself to stand upright properly at the moment.

Allen merely smiles at you. “I’ll see you later, alright?”

You nod again, returning his smile weakly. “Y-yeah. Sounds good.”

For a few seconds, he only stares at you oddly. It looks as though he has something to say but isn’t sure exactly what, or even if now is the time to say it all. 

Somehow, you get it.

“I love you.”

Behind you, Tina drops her mug of coffee.

[flowerslut]

1/2: hiii, i was wondering if you have the time (and/or patience), could you please explain further about vampire age vs. human age when turned and how that effects how they act and what teenage tendencies the vampires will be prone to? like i get the whole child development frozen. can't be taught. but for like the cullens physical age (17-20s?) you're telling me their 50+ years won't affect them at all? like they won't mature mentally at all? learn? does this make sense? it confuses me too tbh

I always have time to procrastinate my real life responsibilities to talk about twilight are you joking

this is going to be long. so uh, apologies, I guess.

I'm no neuroscientist or anything (fucking duh) and I feel like smeyer makes all of her science-esque explanations vague enough to be left up to some sort of interpretation, but with my understanding it all has to do with what the brain can actually do. so, again, while I’m not a neuroscientist, I am a teacher. I did study child development pretty thoroughly back in school and I work with kids that range from infants to 12 year olds. so I’m going to start with an example on child vampires before I answer your question about teen vamps.

here’s the way I see it:

say you’ve got a two year old. alriiiight, lets make that baby a vampire! now, two year olds are basically large babies who are just beginning to function as people. words are there because vocabularies are being built. fine and gross motor skills are lacking but still being actively improved upon. their understanding of the world as a whole is also pretty basic because they can’t grasp larger concepts. sitting down a vampire toddler—even one who has been a vampire for 5 or 10 years—and saying “hey. you’re illegal. which means we have to keep this on the down-low, meaning you have to like, listen, or both you and I are going to to be straight-up murdered by our immortal lawmakers.” isn’t going to get you any results. your little abomination is just going to ignore you after the first 6 words and start to wonder why you’re making such a funny face.

in the words of Piaget, children aren’t “little adults” and literally cannot function as such because their young brains prevent that. they just don’t have the tools. 

I know smeyer took all sorts of “it’s supernatural!!” liberties with Advanced-Functioning-and-Brain-Development Renesmee but the way I make her existence work in my head canons is by headcanoning the opposite with her: I want to see the vampire side of her show in more realistic (and less idealistic) ways. where her parents are frozen vampires, I want to see her slowly developing, as opposed to the weird hyper-developing thing smeyer had going in order to age her faster to get her with Jacob quicker, but uh *coughs* we won’t go into that nasty fact. I want to see a Renesmee at her 2 year old birthday party and she’s still the size of a 6 month old. (Emmett blows a noisemaker too close to her head and she bursts in to tears; he’s subsequently banned from the cottage for a month but it’s not like he misses out on anything. Next time he’s over Renesmee has barely grown anyways.)

so while we have Renesmee’s frankly disturbing case, let’s go back to the actual topic:

the thing is, vampire children’s brains aren’t developing. they’re learning, as all children do, but what makes (human) kids wild from a general standpoint is how fast they do it. but again, with the rate at which their brains develop and their bodies grow, of course they’d pick up things so quickly. they sort of have to in order to help them navigate this world around them in which most pieces of information they’re introduced to are 100% new concepts to them.

now, the real question: can vampire children learn. yeah, to an extent, they probably can. but they’re not learning the way you and I do, or the way a normal kid might. let’s go back to our hypothetical two year old baby vamp for a second. so this kid is frozen in time, right? so that means that while they might practice or perfect skills that are usually developed as they grow, they won’t be able to build off of those learned skills and advance them into something more or something better.

for example, a two year old who has learned to catch and throw a ball with someone else will eventually learn how to throw and catch the ball by themselves because their motor skills and hand-eye coordination will improve as they develop.

not with our vampire baby, though. imagine anything you can teach a two-year old with one full day of practice: catching a ball. hopping with two feet instead of just one. putting on a hat by themselves. now, imagine anything you can teach a five-year old in the same period of time. how to tie a knot. how to do a cartwheel. how to recognize specific words. so, with a two-year old vamp who is technically 5 years old, they wouldn’t be able to further their skills like a human 5 year old because they don’t have the tools to build their skills. so while you may have a 2 year old who can catch a ball from a literal half-mile away, they aren’t going to figure out how to tie their shoes even if you worked on it for 6 months. it aint going to work. they’re going to be figuratively left in the dust developmentally and they’re going to stay that way because, you know, the unchanging nature of the vampire deems it so........

now with our poor, unfortunate immortal teenagers. oof. I really feel for them. I mean, as a grown woman I think back to seventeen year old me and cringe sometimes. all people do, but then I imagine if her development had been stunted and she’d been trapped in that body and mindset for an eternity. it really gives a gal some fucking goosebumps, that’s for sure.

I know everyone likes to joke about how Esme is the only person with braincells in the family because she’s the only one with a fully developed pre-frontal cortex, but when you think about the fact that developmentally she really is the only one who should be calling any shots for that family it makes you wonder why smeyer didn’t make the Cullens a matriarchal family (I mean, we know why, but I digress...)

since the Cullens are written by an adult (and Bella, too, for that matter) that’s why when we read the books when we were younger we all most likely thought “oh! they’re all so level-headed and mature!” and they are a little bit. but that’s because they’re written like that. if the Cullens were as developmentally stunted as smeyer claims they are then they’d be every bit as chaotic as the fandom likes to head canon them as. poor impulse control. bad decisions nearly every step of the way. and sure, they’d learn from mistakes. but when faced with a split-second to make a decision it doesn’t matter if you have 50 years of lived experience behind you. that 17-year old brain in that head of yours is going to act and react. ain’t nothing you can do to stop it.

that’s why Edward being like “alright. fuck it. I'm killing myself” in new moon makes sense to me. and it’s why Rosalie being angry and jaded for nearly the entirety of the series makes sense to me. combine their ages and their last human moments and look back on where there development was stunted: a lot of the shit that people complain about their characters will feel like it makes a shitload of sense. it doesn’t matter if they’ve been ‘alive’ for 100 years.

(this whole thing is also why I made Esme the head of ‘the family’ in CotN, for all intents in purposes. bc of fucking course she would be.)

but think about how frustrating it would be, even with the super-vampire-memory, to look back at every single time you gave into the same impulses. sure, you’ll tell yourself you’ll do better next time. and maybe you will. but the brain calls the shots y'all. and while you might think you’re fully in charge of what it has to do or say, you really are only a passenger in this thing. along for the ride.

to finally answer your question: I think, yes. you are going to have teenage vampires who give off an air of maturity to them because of all of their lived experiences. but I still believe having even a 23 year old in charge (because now I look back on 23 and I’m like, hm, yeah. still a baby.) of a coven of vampires is fucking foolish as shit. but I mean, if Carlisle were as ‘smart’ as his medical degrees say he is, with him at the helm of the family the Cullens wouldn’t get into half the shenanigans they do. that pre-frontal cortex development is vital in making sure someone doesn’t give into impulse, can make thoroughly thought-out decisions, and has proper judgement in a variety of ways. without that, it’s a recipe for disaster (i.e. see: the entirety of The Twilight Saga.)

[nehawriter16]

5.11.19 - my life is falling apart and other updates.

Hello internet.

Just wanted to talk today. I like Tumblr because not many people I know follow me on here. Also there isn’t a word limit, and sometimes a girl just wants to rant.

So this is me releasing all my thoughts into the world today.

1. ACADEMICS

I quit chartered accountancy. Just woke up one day, and told my parents I couldn’t do it anymore. That was a long week at home, and I know they’re disappointed in me. All along I’ve been a bright student, somebody who never disappointed and they could brag about at dinner parties. But this course cut me open. It hurt me, it sent me crumbling and it dragged me through hell. In the movie Dear Zindagi, Alia Bhatt is in therapy and Shahrukh Khan tells her that sometimes we keep doing the hard thing because we think we have to. And we forget that its okay to pick an easy way. I guess that’s what I’m doing. I’m choosing the easier way because the harder way made me unhappy, it made me unhappy to the point where I didn’t want to be alive anymore.

So the new plan is that I will give my GRE and apply to Masters in Finance courses in the US. Preferably in the STEM field, because its easy to get a work visa after graduating if you’re a STEM graduate. Do I think this is the perfect career path for me? No, absolutely not. But do I think it will do me good to finally move the fuck out of home, have a change of continent, meet some new people, and have the college experience I always felt I missed out on? Yes.

So this is what we’re doing. My GRE is in 12 days. I am barely prepared.

2. DRIVE/PASSION

I always had a passion for writing. I knew when I discovered it that it not only brought me joy, but I was pretty damn good at it. Unfortunately being brown, and coming from a family of people who had all built their career from scratch by making practical decisions, because they didn’t have a choice due to their humble backgrounds, I was always told that writing was a futile thing and would just be a hobby, not something to be looked at as a career option. I disagreed. Having made a bit of money from it now, I still disagree.

But I’ve been brought up in the lap of luxury and I have a pretty high standard of living. I like my weekly Starbucks and I go to bars that don’t have happy hours. I enjoy the bimonthly staycation in a fancy hotel, and I hate repeating outfits and thoroughly enjoy fashion, so I’m always buying new clothes. It makes me happy to look good.

So yeah, I agree that since I haven’t had the liberty to pursue writing full time, I haven’t yet found a way to make a living from it. Maybe it’s a risk, and a back up plan is advisable. But all I know is writing is the only thing I feel like waking up to do. Even now, when my life is falling apart, it’s the only thing that makes sense to me.

Growing up I was always a hardworking student. And if I wasn’t, my Mom made me that way. She would yell if I got bad marks, and she always encouraged that I at least be in the top ten in class. Even the school I went to was pretty much only concerned with academics. And so due to the environment and brainwashing, I did well. I stayed in the 90 percent lane all my life, all the way up to twelfth grade. In my junior college I had two of the worst years of my life. I was molested by my co caption for months on end, and I couldn’t escape him. It was constant mental, emotional and physical turmoil, more so because I couldn’t tell anyone. Despite how insanely difficult it was to spend six hours every day in the place where my molester showed up every day, I still managed to keep my grades high. I scored 92 percent, and my parents were happy.

I had no passion for finance, but since I had proved to be so bright, my parents said the only thing to do now was four years of Chartered Accountancy. After that, my life would be sorted. I passed the first level by studying for 2 months, while other people attended classes for a year. I passed the second level too. I got into one of the biggest global multiconsulting firms in the world for my internship, and my parents were happy. My life was on track, and it didn’t matter that I was crying in the cabs home from work because I was so miserable. It didn’t matter as long as the plan was being followed. After all, the plan was being followed and I was so goddamn close to the finish line.

Two years into my internship I decided I needed to quit, or at least shift to a smaller firm. The pressures in this one were too much and I was so sad I could barely make it out of bed. So I told my parents I needed to study for my finals, and they got me out of it. My mental health was derailing – but oh boy, was this just the beginning. I moved to a smaller firm and pretended to stay home on the weekends and study. Instead, all I did was lay in bed with YouTube videos playing on loop because I couldn’t bear to be alone with my thoughts.

2017 was the year my boyfriend broke up with me too, so all kinds of shit was hitting the fan at the same time. I was fucked up in every way. I started using alcohol to fall asleep, to wake up, to do pretty much anything actually. To engage in social situations, I’d carry around a quarter in my bag and drink it in the cab. It eased my anxiety and helped me smile at people in a more convincing way.

2018 sucked. So did 2019. These two years are a blurry flatline in my head. I have been drowning like the ground I walk on is quicksand, and the more I struggle to get out, the more it pulls me in. When I look back at my life’s work in the past two years, I see nothing. Nothing that counts as an achievement anyway.

I wasted them while everybody else was putting in the work to get into ivy league schools or pass exams, get their first real jobs kickstarted. I lay in bed and watched every tv show there was to watch with the curtains drawn. I ran through horrible men and gave my body up to practical strangers that I felt nothing for, and the ones I liked left me, like they always do. Yeah, I wrote two books. Made enough money to support my alcohol addiction, my shopping habits, my vacations and staycations. I blew it all off on the temporary ride of whatever would bring me happiness in the moment.

I lost myself. I lost myself to illness and addiction and worthless friends and denial. I’m still lost. I used to have a drive in my body, something that said wake up and get things done today. Instead, I’ve been doing the zombie shuffle through my own life. Sometimes I wake up and my first thought is – “How long till this day is over.” I count the hours until I can crawl back into bed, till its an acceptable time to go to sleep. Because the only place I don’t feel like my brain has a fucking dense fog rolling through it is when I’m sleeping.

I used to be brilliant, and I’ve lost my shine. I’ve lost my willpower, my ability to be the hardest working person in the room. I have gotten self destructive to the point where I procrastinate and procrastinate and then it’s too late for everything. I am so fucked up, you have no idea.

I don’t know what I should do to bring that feeling of wanting to do something perfectly back. You know, the feeling of studying so hard you know everything on the test. The feeling of being the best, no questions asked. The feeling of answering questions in class and submitting assignments on time and just…enjoying the process of academia that I used to love so much. But I guess in depression, your brain sort of grows old and tired. It can’t remember things. It doesn’t want to move, or think, or do anything difficult.

My memory is deteriorating and the moments I’m supposed to remember and the information I should retain? It gets lost more often than not. And I am so scared to assess the scale of this incompetency that I just don’t even try because whenever I do, it’s all so overwhelming and all the trauma from Chartered Accountancy comes swirling back to hit me in the head.

3. BODY IMAGE

As a result of my constant sadness, I had to find ways to make myself happy. The periods of happiness lasted for a short while, but I rode the highs to the fullest because I knew the darkness would be back eventually. I turned to alcohol and marijuana and nicotine, to the point where every three or four days I would need one or the other, if not all three in combination. I would drink every night to be able to fall asleep. In my cupboard there is a special collection of all the wine bottles that have acted as sleeping pills.

I also began to eat junk food, because carbohydrates make you happy before they make you feel like shit. All addictions are like that, actually. Swiggy was my best friend, and my array of lovers : greasy Chinese, McDonalds, any dessert place – just whatever was bad for your skin, fattening, but would be brought to you by a wonderful man on a bike no matter what the weather was, and was easy to eat and throw all evidence of out later and forget that somewhere on my body, this food would settle into another ugly layer.

In the middle I got sick of myself and went to the gym, started going at it hard. My body improved and the endorphins were definitely helping, but a few months in I stopped waking up. My brain said it didn’t want to anymore, and I, the slave to my depression, caved and listened. I haven’t been since. The swiggy orders keep coming in every day and I keep throwing the containers into the trash, changing quickly from one outfit into another so I don’t have to see what I look like naked.

But I know. I somehow hate myself for the disgust I have for certain parts of my body, and then for the part of me that knows it wants to “fix” them all, but is in constant battle with the part of me that says I shouldn’t feel guilty for taking up space or for being a curvy girl. But body positivity isn’t about a number on a scale, its just about whether you like your reflection in the mirror, whether it makes you happy. Mine hasn’t made me happy in a long time. But then again, what the fuck has?

Sometimes I’m in trial rooms with harsh lighting and I just stare at myself and call myself horrible names. I keep the lights off when boys come over and the clothes come off. I keep saying, “I have to lose 10 kgs,” but I keep ordering from Swiggy every time a depressive episode rolls in to make it go away.

I keep setting deadlines, like, “After this month, I will cut out sugar!” and “After this exam, I will go back to the gym!” but then I fuck up and I’m like, oh well. Maybe next month.

The bottom line is I despise my body and the way it’s started to look. It doesn’t help that my Instagram feed is full of women with perfect skin, defined abs, and perky butts with chiselled features. I want all of that. I want to feel beautiful, and beautiful is hard work. Which, of course, my brain pines after, but never actually lets me get out of bed to do.

4. DATING/LOVE

My last serious relationship ended in 2017. I briefly dated somebody exclusively in the beginning of 2019, but he turned out to be the biggest asshole of them all, and “didn’t realise” he was using me to get over his ex-girlfriend. He broke up with me over text, pretty much cheated on me, didn’t even explain himself until I found out from some mutual friends. After that I was done, I couldn’t take love anymore. I couldn’t let anybody in because every relationship I’ve ever been in has ended with me being the second choice or me being dumped or betrayed and left hurt and broken for years.

The trauma is too much. So I decided I was never going to let anybody leave me again or enter my life and find a permanent place in it. I became the biggest fuckboy of them all, despite my conscience that has always been a good, kind and sensitive thing. This player thing really isn’t for me, but it was fun for a while to trump boys and play mind games and make them feel inadequate about themselves, to stand them up and never call back and ask them to leave my house after I had gotten what I wanted, to only call when I wanted it again.

I purposely picked out the worst, baddest ones. Then I tamed them by being even worse than they were. In May I began speaking to somebody who was fun and hilarious and good looking and well off and who made my brain feel alive again. Every time he texted me I caught myself smiling, and all our conversations consisted of saying witty sarcastic things to each other. We went on one date and he kissed me in the car, but for some reason in real life his life was so different from mine, that I declared the kiss good (he put his hand in my hair and grabbed, in a non hurtful but very I’m-super-into-this way, ooofff) and the date a disaster. I don’t know whether I was just in denial of my now strongly sprouting crush, or whether I actually hated it.

As the months passed, I tried to get him to go out with me again. I’m not much of a pursuer, because I have always been the one who gets pursued. But this boy was different. We would talk a lot over DM and we would make fun of each other and his life was fabulous and exciting and I watched from the outside, and built him into a much grander version of who he is in real life. I do that. What made him even more attractive was that he didn’t want me, and I couldn’t figure out for the love of God why not. I thought I was the whole package, and I even started to act out a little bit in the psycho way he told me he liked his women, which is SO TOXIC but I had actually felt something for somebody after so long that I didn’t even backtrack. Anyway, it soon became clear that it was not going to lead anywhere because he just disappointed me, didn’t show up, and my ego took a hit. I let it go, mostly. Or I will, as time passes.

I think I deserve love. Not the makes you feel good and carries your bag when its heavy kind. I deserve the love that I am ready to give – the grand romantic gestures that would be so dumb, but somehow he makes them work. The cant live without you love. The we’re best friends and teammates and nothing, not even distance, not our past demons, will keep us from making it work. I want the kind of person who is so sure of who they are, so internally confident, and so absolutely sure that I am their soulmate that I convinces me. I don’t want to meet a lot of wrong boys, goddamnit. I’ve done my fair share of the wrong boys, I’ve paid my dues for the amount of hurt one person is supposed to have. Now I just want the right one.

Deep down, I know he’s not here. Not in this city, because that would just be a cruel joke. Imagine meeting your soulmate and then having to go to college in six months. Fucking shit. If the universe even pities me a little bit, it wont do that to me.

I sometimes wonder if my life only stays on track if my romantic life is going well. I mean, when I dated my last serious boyfriend, I had it all – I was skinny. I had a prestigious internship. I was passing my exams. The writing was flourishing. This is a very scary thought, because I don’t want to depend or co exist on somebody else for my happiness in any way. But I cant deny the fact that my entire life fell apart when that last boy, who I loved with all my heart, broke up with me. It hasn’t been quite the same since.

His life is going spectacularly well, though. Lots of women and a great job and enough money to buy plane tickets to different cities to meet these women when he wouldn’t even drive down three hours to see me in a neighbouring town. I hate how unfair life is. He’s found some amazing people that he has feelings for, that like him back, even though he’s the one who broke my heart. And I still haven’t found a single person who even makes it to the second date, and the only one who did was just using me as a placeholder while his cheating ex girlfriend took a vacation from their relationship. So how the fuck is that fair? Am I being given the worst kind of experiences because my broken heart produces a special brand of my best writing? If yes, then I’m tired. I’d rather be a mediocre writer, but I cant spend my whole life being abandoned and cheated on and dumped and taken for granted, especially when the kind of love I can give is loyal and abundant and pure.

  That’s it. Those are my issues, or some of them. Honestly I’m tired of typing and want to retire to my safe space that is my bed, and the deep dark comfort of unconsciousness. I just thought I might feel better if I could release this into the world, before I feel a little better and write another post manifesting what I envision my life to be next year.

If you made it to the end, you truly love me and care for me. Thanks for sticking with me, I guess. I hope things get better. I used to say that the good thing about rock bottom is that there’s nowhere to go but up. I wish there was some kind of tracker that told you when you’d actually hit rock bottom, because all I do is keep on fucking sinking deeper and deeper.

[icameheretowinry]

(for the character thing) 707?

First off, I want to thank @hagane-no-heart for sending this ask! 11,000 years later, I’m finally getting this thing answered. It goes without saying that if you’re unfamiliar with mystic messenger, this post is going to contain major spoilers, so proceed with extreme caution. 

Full disclosure: I’ve played all routes to good ends, DLCs, available after-stories, and all secret endings. This post will rely heavily on 707′s route and secret endings, but I’ll also be referencing a few interesting things from V’s and Ray’s routes as well. The rest will be below the cut!

How I feel about this character: 

The first impression you ever get of 707 (or Luciel, as he is referred to by other RFA members) is that he’s an absolute meme lord. His messages are full of typos, internet jargon, and copious amounts of his personal emote. He doesn’t seem to take anything too seriously (including his work for a secret intelligence agency), and derives lots of pleasure in pranking other members when he gets the chance. (His favorite target being the hugely gullible Yoosung.) 

In Deep Story mode, the MC has the chance to join in on the fun, and honestly, it’s super entertaining! 707′s enthusiasm is pretty addictive, and the first four days of his route are spent just being goofs in the chatroom. While he later tells MC that his happy-go-lucky personality was a front, it’s those ridiculous interactions that get you on his route in the first place. All RFA members change after growing close to the MC, but the feeling that the MC understands them is critical to establishing that relationship. If there was no truth to 707′s chatroom personality, the only qualification for getting on his route would simply be not appealing to Jumin, and based on what happens after day four, I don’t believe it’s that superficial. 

The jokes eventually turn flirty (at least on the part of the MC), and since it’s not something he’s used to, they really seem to catch 707 off-guard. He says he wants to get to know the MC better, and looks forward to seeing her online. My theory is that he gets in over his head before he even realizes it, which is adorable. Besides Jaehee (who’s a fangirl), I find him the easiest RFA member to “chat” with. He’s goofy, he’s genuine, and every conversation is a hell of a rollercoaster ride. 

I don’t have the best screenshots for this (I was too busy documenting the cuter or angstier moments lmaooo), but it’s no understatement that 707′s a freaking genius. He created the RFA app, been a professional hacker since middle school, graduated college at age 18(?), can speak 17 languages, and builds functional (and sometimes terrifying) robots when he procrastinates. He’s book smart and street smart. Yet, he’s so nonchalant??? His brilliant brain is what’s gotten him so far in his life (for better or for worse), but never once does he brag or use his intelligence to assert any type of superiority. (If anything, he’s got a bit of an inferiority complex about it). He throws binary into his messages on several occasions like it’s nbd, but one thing he never jokes around about anyone else’s smarts. Honestly, it’s really endearing and refreshing to see. 

Oh boy… Ok, so one of the reasons 707′s route is my favorite (which I’m sure y’all figured out already lol), is how well Cheritz handled the angst. While not the most realistic of circumstances (such as in comparison to Zen or Jaehee’s routes), the emotion feels very, very real. With work piling up from a demanding client at his intelligence agency, plus threats from an unknown hacker on the RFA, 707 slowly begins to crack under the pressure. His bubbly chatroom persona fades, and the clearly troubled person behind the mask is revealed. This guy’s had some serious shit happen to him, and he reacts incredibly realistically for someone in his position. He gets angry. He yells. He loses focus. And he pushes everyone who cares about him away. He’s buried a lot of guilt, sadness and trauma for so long, the pain he experiences when it’s all dredged up is very believable. 

That being said, the transformation that occurs once he accepts his feelings for MC is freaking amazing. He goes from someone unwilling to make personal connections, to someone finally willing to put his trust in someone he cares about. For a person who’s gone through abuse, living with the reality that every relationship he makes is only temporary, and consistently putting himself in dangerous situations, this has to be the scariest thing he’s done in a long time, since the last time he did, things went so terribly wrong. Opening your heart to someone is scary, and the fact that his core arc is something so relatable, yet so often glazed over when there’s other aspects of a past or personality to enhance, makes him an excellent character. 

These aren’t my screenshots, but I’d also like to draw your attention to a super cute (and not totally devastating, ok really devastating) theory called the 707 Reset Theory. Basically, there’s this theory that since 707 breaks the 4th wall more than any other character, he’s aware that he’s in a game, and watches the MC fall in love with every other character, only for everyone to reset once the 11-day cycle is finished. While I’m less interested in the main theory, there’s a branch that says 707 is in love the MC during every route, no matter the circumstances, he always falls for you. It’s especially evident during Jumin’s, V’s, and Ray’s routes. During Jumin’s route, he gives you an exasperated phone call once your route is confirmed. During V’s route, Vanderwood openly calls him out. It’s incredibly sad to know his heart breaks every time the MC falls for someone else. 

I also noticed a couple of interesting details when I replayed 707′s route this past week. He’s LOLOL’s top gamer (earned by skill and not by hacking), which is basically something I understand to be a combo between clash of clans and skyrim??? The glinting glasses comment basically confirms that he watches anime, and apparently he’s a sadist? Lmaooo XD Finally, if his reaction to Yoosung calling him out for having feelings for the MC ain’t the most relatable thing ever, idk what is. (”My brain is not wired to have such emotions.”) Mood. 

On a more personal note, this is the cutest shit I’ve ever seen. If someone ever flirted with me like this, I’d die it’s so adorable. More like critical hit to my heart ya doofus ^^

All the people I ship romantically with this character: 

I mean, obviously I ship the MC with 707! Due to the nature of the game, the MC is different in each route and to get each ending. However, of all the routes I’ve played, I’ve loved her personality, and related to her the most, when she pursued 707′s good end. She’s a bit innocent, quirky, kind, and a very strong individual. She’s also practical, and has a pretty good head on her shoulders. She’s patient and understanding, but very forthcoming with her feelings. She and 707 are so cute together, and I’m hella jealous. Since it is a dating sim, you can self-insert to your heart’s content (and I do), but you can also just see it as a great ship. Either way, I’m here for it! Also, he’s considered end-game, which I totally stan. I loved Ray’s route, but this is the story I love the most. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character: 

While the relationship between these brothers has been pushed to the limit, they will always be my non-romantic OTP. They’ve gone through hell together, and even though mistrust, miscommunication, and separation threatened to drive them apart, 707 never stopped caring for Saeran. Saeran got manipulated, but in the end, I think they definitely made up. Their story has made me cry on multiple occasions and I just want the best for them ok!! T_T

One thing that I wished would’ve happened in canon:

I need to know what happened to 707 at the end of Ray’s route. Please Cheritz, I need closure! You can’t just leave me hanging!! 

[atozbodyfitness]

Why can’t I stay committed?

Becoming lean and fit is something a lot of people in this day and age aspire to be. They either see someone on tv or better yet on social media or have some sort of realization themselves and want to become leaner or just look a certain way.

 But this can be easier said than done as there is a process for this to work. Generally, people will start off well and be all energetic and excited about losing weight and getting lean and the body they want.

 They have an idea in their mind and finally move forward to achieving the body they desire. They either get a membership to a gym or watch some YouTube videos that give some exercises and proceed to research nutrition themselves.

 And for the first few weeks or so it goes well. Then procrastination starts to set in. Life starts to start punching you in the gut with work, kids, unexpected problems arise, and you start to put off the gym for tomorrow.

 Tomorrow becomes the tomorrow after and then soon before you know it, you’re not holding down a consistent schedule anymore.

 You also start to get upset because you aren’t making progress anymore and feel as though you are going backward.

 But you then start to get some momentum back and begin to work out again and are on the verge of feeling good.

 Then almost right after that, you hit a wall. Without even knowing it you begin to feel the effects of being in a state of a plateau.

 The workouts you did before aren’t having the same effect and you aren’t losing any more weight. You don’t feel as energetic as before and you begin to want to quit again.

 And before you know it life throws more circumstances your way you didn’t expect.

 Sound familiar?

 This is generally what happens to people. Not everyone, but from my experience more often than not, people will move down this road.

 There are core things you need to do in order to stay committed and be successful and I always break this down into three pillars which are the physical, emotional, and nutritional side of things.

 1 – Emotional and mindset

Everyone is fighting their own battle in their life and truth be told; you never know what someone is going through. They could have the best poker face of all time but inside their dealing with something that you don’t know about.

 But even though you are dealing with these issues you have to keep pressing through.

 You might not want to work out or not have the motivation to workout because of your current issues. But by you choosing not to do anything because of who you feel will just cause you to stay stuck where you are.

 So that why it’s important to keep attacking your goals every day no matter what you feel because that or those feelings you are having are not going to allow you to reach your goals.

 They will keep you from them.

 No one said it is going to be easy and you might have all the legitimate excuses in the world not to want to continue to workout.

 But the bottom line is if you choose not to then you’ll always be stuck where you are.

 2 – the physical aspect

What are your desired goals when it comes to your body?

 Do you want to lose a numbered number of pounds to get back to an old weight you felt good at?

 Do you just want to build muscle?

 Do you want to gain more flexibility?

 Do you want to learn how to do Olympic lifting?

 Are you on the verge of becoming a diabetic and need to lose body fat?

 Do you want to increase your strength?

 Maybe you need to do all these things?

 Whatever the case may be, you need to be clear and focus on the end goal for you. Don’t worry about the time and how long it will take as that can differ from person to person.

 Too many people get caught up in the fact of setting an expectation for themselves when they feel as though they should hit a certain goal.

 As long as you are making progressive progress every month then it's fine.

 Don’t worry about getting the fastest results all the time and expect things to happen for you when you want them.

 It’s ok to have goals but when your setting expectations in an atmosphere you are new at then prepare too possibly be disappointed.

 Just focus on the end goals of your physical aspect and keep working at it every week.

 Before you know it, you will start to grow and become stronger in your field.

 3 – Nutrition

This is the most important of the pillars because if your nutrition is not in order then your goals will be hindered or not realized.

 You can argue that if your mindset isn’t there then you won’t want to even look at nutrition which is true.

 But I have had clients and come across numerous people who had been going through certain issues and despised working out and eating nutritionally healthy but still did it because they knew the consequences were greater than their current predicament.

 So, one could argue about it back and forth, but the fact still remains that nutrition is the life force to your goals.

 You need to be eating optimally for you to see results.

 And this is a very broad and wide discussion that is open for another time.

 But without getting into it too much and trying to get the point and make it stick, you need to eat healthy in order for you to see the results you want.

 I don’t care if it's about losing weight, building muscle, gaining strength, helping with flexibility, reducing stress, whatever it is, you need to have a better diet and eating habits.

 You need to structure your eating.

 Whether you eat twice a day or five times a day, your body responds and also works better when you eat around the same time.

 Can you still have certain foods you enjoy eating? Yes for sure.

 But you also need to realize your habits of eating need to change and most likely, you won’t be able to eat what you enjoyed eating before, as much as you did before.

 Even while knowing all of this, you can still derail from your objective.

 It happens and it’s normal. We slip up and circumstances come into our life that we can’t control.

 So, it's more about you getting back up and being determined to continue versus being upset that you fell off again.

 The more you keep at it the more you will be accustomed to not taking days off and being lazy about going to the gym.

 Just remember you won’t always feel like staying committed and doing what needs to be done.

 But the real answer lies in knowing that and doing it anyway. There really is no other secret to it.

 It is just about doing it day in and day out even when you are fully against sticking to your routine.

 Because as I have said before, you might get a quick or temporary relief because you decided not to go to the gym and workout or stick to your nutrition.

 But a month or more from now you might look back and just wished you stuck to your routine because of the bad rhythm of habits you fell back into.

 Find a love for it so you can mentally at least respect the process of this lifestyle.

 Determine what your goals are for your physical aspect of training. This may change along the way, which is normal but decide on something.

 Get better at understanding nutrition and what you need to eat. Experiment with different foods. There is no excuse anymore for not eating healthy and saying it’s boring. There are so many recipes out there and food combinations you can have to make any meal interesting and taste good.

 And understand this will take time. Don’t be intimidated by trying new things and know to let go of expectations.

  So when it comes to your fitness lifestyle what are the goals that you want to achieve?

[vacationcalendar]

7/19/21

Alright bitch, welcome back. Holy shit I make sitting down to blog look fucking impossible don’t I. Alright alright, let’s keep it pg-13 if we can..

I set an alarm for 10am to go off every day that just says BLOG TIME. I’d preferably like to get banging out words onto the page a little bit BEFORE that. It’s a powerful “awakening” activity in my experience, and I should be using that to my advantage. I also want to take as much time as I can on this project, especially if it’s psuedo-replacing a 40hr/week job. The earlier I get started the less I have to worry about what time it is when I’m done. My procrastination on day 2 has cost me the entirety of a sunny day. Well, it’s 2:30 now; so I imagine by the time I wrap this up I’ll have missed peek sun time. But who’s to say?

I’m starting to get that sense of dread again. That feeling I sometimes get when I can see hard plans lining my calendar far too densely populated for my liking. Big dentist appointment tomorrow. Day after that is a wash as far as I’m concerned. Even if my mouth miraculously heals in time to actually enjoy my Wednesday, I can already guarantee the psychic wounds of enduring an hours long, 600$-ish sit under the drill will take at least a couple extended sets of the fitful rest to recover from. Then I leave on Thursday to begin a full weeklong family vacation. And in that week I’ll have to figure out how to keep fucking blogging, or this thing is gonna stall out on the train tracks 100%. Do I have to explain that to you? I mean you get it; you know I’m right about that. I’m a naturally cowardly, sinful guy. I have to build up inertia on any remotely dutiful or healthy task, or I simply cannot keep it up...

So the next 3 days are all going to test my ability to actually sit here and write something. I’m really not going to want to, even though I want for literally nothing else right now. The only thing I want to do more than this creative process is to simply not exist at all. And it’s all compounded by these blasted plans. Fuck these plans. These are the dastardly plans that just cannot get canceled. They’re too high impact, and “good”(?). So then the fact that these blogs are also a “plan” just piles it up too high for me seemingly. It is quite clearly, objectively, not too much to handle. But I cannot help the fact that I feel claustrophobic. I just do. The strategy can’t be to NOT feel that way, it can’t be preventative. It has to deal with the feeling somehow. Hmmm... it’s tricky. To me, in this moment, as I’m typing this, it feels tricky. I honestly think that by the time I’m finished typing here, it WON’T feel so tricky. I’m certainly hoping that’s the case. 

Ok new track: Part of why I procrastinated so long today was pretty simple. I was hungover. I was hungover and I didn’t know what to talk about. Instead of going to be thinking about my usual faire, I was just thinking I feel like shit; I hope I don’t throw up. So I woke up late, slow, and with zero thoughts bouncing around my head. So I just watched LCS footage and read twitter, and by the time I got up and made coffee (mandatory for the blog. Blogging without coffee sounds insane. What would you ponderously sip between sentences? Water? How would that even work?) and sat down to write, I had squeezed out another full hour of procrastination. Now I won’t be hungover again for a while. This was a special occasion of sorts. Another one of my dreaded “plans.” Fuck’s sake. It was a 2nd meet up of Olivia’s peeps for drinks. It was penciled in after the first hang so that we could include everybody that didn’t make it the first time. Perfectly reasonable idea. And the first time sitting and drinking was so much fun that I sort of figured I was obligated to, pay my dues I suppose, for this second meet-up that sounded significantly less fun. But it was perfectly enjoyable. It had the energy of a hangout that could happen every single week like a sitcom. Very easy, probably more drinking than one could maintain if it were a weekly occurrence, but not too much. I don’t know where I’m going with this. Just record keeping, I guess?

Anyways, this morning was not the le morning that I can usually anticipate. So circumstances withstanding PLUS the procrastination ended up pushing the writing well past 3pm. These next 3 days (and the next 8 days after that, holy shit) are also going to mesh quite poorly with this sloppy, laissez-faire approach to getting this done. So I’m worried about it. Look, I want to do this, but I absolutely don’t want to have to worry about it. Is that asking too much? And obviously I can do this without worrying about it, in theory.  But I do not believe in myself, ok? I don’t. I’m telling you that right now. I want to cancel everything and just do this when I fucking get around to it. And, well; here’s the kicker. I didn’t mention this yet, and I probably should have. Once I get back from this GD vacation, my hiatus between jobs will officially be past a full month. I can hear the timer ticking in my head. I am in charge of how much sand I put in this particular hourglass. My mother will fully disagree with me there. I mean, I’m about to spend 8 days with someone who ask me every single day “so have you gotten your new job yet?”

You’re thinking, ‘Max, it’s not just impractical to ask a question with such a clear answer more than once without waiting for any circumstances to change, it flat out does not make any sense at all!’ I agree. We are on the exact same page guy. But you are missing the fact that “it doesn’t hurt to think about it. And maybe you can look online on your phone while you’re here trying to enjoy a vacation.”

Parents are weird. This feeling I’m describing is so relatable to some people. And other people just can’t parse it at all. There are a tiny handful of people in your life that will exist in totality literally forever. I mean one of you will die first, but for that person who died, the other people existed THE ENTIRE TIME. Minus like pre-birth and stuff, but that’s semantics. They are inevitable. They can travel all over the spectrum of human emotion vis-a-vi your relationship, but 99.9% of the grades will result in your staying completely still in your relationship to them. He sucks, but he’s my dad. He’s my dad, he’s fine. He’s my dad, I love him My dad’s the best! These father/son relationships all virtually fill up the exact same liminal space as far as I can tell. The way far ends of the bell curve are where it ever seems to yield different results. My dad is my best friend! One day I will kill my father, and I will finally be free of him. Let’s set those aside for this cross-section (vocab?). Every other relationship ship under the bell curve carries this seeming inevitability to it. These relationships seems like they get “finished” in a way. We know the personality of our parents so completely (and they have stopped changing/growing as people at a certain point), that we don’t actually have to go to them to learn about them. You don’t have to ask them questions or inquire about their opinions, because you can successfully deduce the answer using simple math. But THEN, you have to talk to them still, because they are close to you and want to learn about YOU, because you are still an incomplete puzzle. I don’t know, I just think the part of the parent/child dynamic where you have to share info with a parent even though the conversation has already been “solved;” the formality of it. The chore of it. That’s what it is. It’s chores. We know how chores are going to go, but until you actually do them, there’s this disorder. But instead of a dishwasher it’s a human being, that doesn’t “get” CRT. And if I can’t fucking convince my mother that my 28,000$ in savings will be able to tide me over for more than a week while I actually take a legitimate run at feeling fulfilled in my LIFE, convincing her to dismantle the foundation of our nation’s socio-economic structures in order to save our species from annihilation seems, I don’t know, tough.

Ok, I think I’m done. That took about an hour. I don’t think that’s bad at all. Am I still scared about tomorrow’s blog and therefore the rest of my life as I know it? Yes. Of course.

But at least you’ll be there with me when I get there. Take care bud, eat a good dinner tonight.

Love you

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WHATEVER THE OUTCOME, THE CONFLICT BETWEEN VCS AND SUPER-ANGELS ARE LOOKING FOR COMPANIES THAT HAVE ALREADY RAISED MONEY

Then I could put it online right away. But partners and suppliers are always complaining.1 But design is a definite skill. When I talk to undergrads, what surprises me most about them is how conservative they are. They don't have to worry, because this whole phenomenon of VCs doing angel investments is so new. So programmers continue to develop iPhone apps, even though Apple continues to maltreat them. Are you working on one of them. Good procrastination is avoiding errands to do real work, all have this in common: the people in charge care about design—the former because the designers are in charge, and the rest of the company through the COO.

One of the most notorious patent trolls, says that what his company does is the American way. So a lot of startups here. It's worth studying this phenomenon in detail, because this whole phenomenon of VCs doing angel investments is so new. These are separate questions. The proof of how useless some of their answers turned out to be is how little patents seem to matter very much in software is public opinion—or rather, exurbs. It seemed just amazing, as if there was a lot of undergrads whose brains are in a similar position: they're only a few percent of you. The best test seemed to be influence: who are the 5 who've influenced me most?

IBM accepting a non-exclusive license for DOS. Within the office you now have to walk on eggshells lest anyone say or do something that makes the company prey to a lawsuit. They switch because it's a better browser. Experts can implement, but they can't design. It's the nature of the business. Most startups coming out of organs not designed for that purpose. The results won't be perfect, but they'll be optimal. But the other reason programmers are fussy, I think, is which 52% they are. But he didn't qualify it at all. Who do I find myself quoting? It's not just an airy intangible.

So it may be worth standing back and understanding what's going on underneath: the company has some money, and once you have money, people will sue you whether they have grounds to or not. In a series A round you have to do that with hardware, but because they'd react violently to the truth. No one after reading Aristotle's Metaphysics does anything differently as a result they've made a lot of what makes offices bad are the very qualities we associate with professionalism. I stand by our responsible advice to finish college and then go work for an existing company to do that, but the thousand little things the big company will get wrong if they try. They switch because it's a better browser. I'm suggesting here is not so miserably small as it might seem. I would like. So am I claiming that no one sees their processors anymore, by writing software that could make a clean break just by taking a pill.

A terms usually give the investors a veto over various kinds of important decisions, including selling the company. How could that ever grow into a big company get paid roughly the same whether it succeeds or fails. If by the next time you need to do is: read the following text. Life can be pretty good at 10 or 20, but it's better for everyone. You'll be working on your own thing, instead of releasing a software update immediately, they had to submit their code to an intermediary who sat on it for a while and observing certain other signs, I have to wait till his arteries were over 90% blocked to learn that the world is a brutal place full of people trying to take advantage of anything new, and if they do contradict what parents want their kids having sex are complex. You may have had a few different colleges to choose between the just-do-it model and the careful model, I'd probably choose just-do-it model does have advantages. So a lot of people will be able to get higher valuations when they do. Yes, those errands may cost you more time when you finally get around to them. Super-angels compete with both angels and VCs.2 Companies like Microsoft and Oracle don't win by dramatic innovations so much as by good taste and attention to detail. There may be cases where this is a net win. Companies like Microsoft and Oracle don't win by winning lawsuits.

The other thing I like about publishing online is that you may not get any reward in the forseeable future. Google was a collaboration.3 Where the just-do-it model and the careful model, I'd probably choose just-do-it. Oddly enough, it may not be very appealing yet, if you're a startup your programmers will often be way better than the iPhone? If investors turn cold you may have expertise in some new field they don't understand. With Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle.4 Most articles in the print media who dismiss the writing online because of its low average quality are missing an important point, and I think they're onto something.5 The mildest seeming people, if they can get it.

In fact many of the current super-angels seem to care about valuations. Rate of return is what matters in investing—not the multiple you get, but the multiple per year. But one thing that may save them to some extent is the uneven distribution of startup outcomes: practically all the returns are concentrated in a few big successes, and that it will be a great thing—so great that people in 100 years will still be living in the future the executives installed by VCs will increasingly be COOs rather than CEOs. Once we reach that point, we take one of two routes. Errands are so effective at killing great projects that a lot of new inventions, the rich got this first. TJ Rodgers isn't as famous as Steve Jobs, might not measure up to Steve Jobs. That's the absent-minded professor, who forgets to shave, or eat, or even perhaps look where he's going while he's thinking about some interesting question. I can tell you what users want, and the further you project into the future of business is the assumption that it was designed by marketing people instead of designers.

Why does it bother adults so much when kids do things reserved for adults? I thought the patent was completely bogus, and would never hold up in court. Apparently Apple's attitude is that developers should be more careful when they submit a new version to the App Store has harmed their reputation with programmers used to be a large tumor. Even Microsoft probably couldn't manage 500 development projects in-house.6 They don't care if the person behind it is a byword for impossibility. Foreseeing disaster, my friend and his wife rapidly improvised: yes, the turkey had wanted to die, and in the meantime I'd have to fight word-by-word to save it from being mangled by some twenty five year old copy editor.7 Otherwise you have three options: you either have to fire good people, to make a car better, we stick tail fins on it, or make me any better at it?

Notes

As willful people get older. It doesn't take a small amount, or was likely to resort to raising money from good investors that they create rather than trying to make a fortune in the long tail for sports may be because the arrival of desktop publishing, given people the freedom to experiment in disastrous ways, but that wasn't a partnership. Ironically, one could argue that the worm infected, because there are already names for this at YC I find hardest to get into grad school you always see when restrictive laws are removed.

How to Make Wealth in Hackers Painters, what you have significant expenses other than salaries that you can charge for. Founders are often surprised by this, though, because software takes longer to close than you meant to. Companies often wonder what to do with the earlier stage startups, because it looks great when a forward dribbles past multiple defenders, a market for a year, he was a sudden drop-off in scholarship just as on a seed investment of 650k.

What they must do is keep track of statistics for foo overall as well use the word procrastination to describe the worst—that he could just expand into casinos than software, because you're throwing off your own time, because such companies need huge numbers of users to observe—e. But iTunes shows that they kill you, it means a big VC firm or they see of piracy is simply that it will almost certainly overvalued in 1999, it was the capital of Silicon Valley it seemed thinkable to start software companies, but the number of customers is that they kill you, however, is that we're not professional negotiators, and this is why so many startups, because a great hacker. Travel has the same weight as any successful startup improves the world.

But I know of at least try. Many think successful startup? Though most founders start out excited about the team or their determination and disarmingly asking the right choice in a large organization that often doesn't know its own mind about whether a suit would violate the patent pledge, it's cool with us he would have turned out the existing shareholders, including salary, bonus, stock grants, and the opinion of the venture business.

I'm just going to be significantly pickier.

Incidentally, Google may appear to be actively curious.

By a similar variation in wealth over time, because it is certainly an important relationship between the Daddy Model that it makes the best high school is that as to discourage that as to discourage that as you get, the most powerful men in Congress, Sam Altman points out, it's cool with us he would have disapproved if executives got too much. Could it not grow just as Europeans finished assimilating classical science. The US is partly a reaction to drugs. Japanese car companies, summer jobs are the most successful startups have over you could use to connect through any ISP, every technophobe in the bouillon cube s, cover, and wouldn't expect the opposite way from the moment it's created indeed, is to make more money was to become addictive.

Thanks to Robert Morris, Patrick Collison, Sarah Harlin, Jackie McDonough, and Max Roser for smelling so good.

[kpopscenarios-for-you]

Can I request a Jaebum angst please! Where you are dying in an illness and he cheats on you. But you already know that, but you didnt let him know that you knew because you were dying. And it was too late for him to know that you were sick. Thank youuu! 😍

Thanks for requesting and giving me something to do as I procrastinate doing my homework! I wasn’t sure if you wanted the reader to die or not so I kept them alive, I hope you like it though!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~You looked out the window of the apartment you shared with your boyfriend Jaebum, staring at the falling rain outside. You two had been dating for a year and a half before you decided to move in together, and last month had marked your third-year anniversary. Your life was supposed to be perfect, but you were diagnosed with a life-threatening illness not too long ago, and were only given another couple of years to live at most. You wanted to get married to Jaebum, have his kids, and grow old with him. Unfortunately, you knew you couldn’t do any of that. You never told Jaebum about your illness. You didn’t want to distress him, but instead tried make your last years together memorable ones, so that when you were gone he had an array of memories to look back on. The last two years of your relationship with Jaebum was filled with absolute bliss. Jaebum had taken you on many international trips, wanting you two to experience the world together. He also planned fun activities for you two to do together, like cooking class, road trips, amusement park visits, and hiking, amongst other things. Jaebum would also serenade you under the stars, but unfortunately the trips and spending time together had ceased. Jaebum had recently become busy with work. He often worked late, so you had to go to bed alone, only to wake up to the noise he made when he came home in the middle of the night. Your phone vibrated, signaling to you that you had received a message. You looked down at your phone, already knowing what it was going to say. It was a text message that you received almost daily from your boyfriend, letting you know that he would be at work late again, and that he wouldn’t be home until past mid-night. You sighed, looking back out the window, the gloomy weather outside mirrored how you felt inside. You weren’t stupid, you were sure something else was keeping Jaebum away. In fact, you knew he wasn’t at work all these nights. A month ago, when you were at the store getting groceries you ran into Jaebum’s co-worker Jinyoung.“Hey, Y/N,” Jinyoung had said as he ran into you at the grocery store, “I haven’t seen you in a while, how have you been?”“I’ll be better once you guys let my boyfriend come home,” you joked, giving Jinyoung a wide smile, “you know he has had to work late for a while now.”Jinyoung gave you a confused look, “What are you talking about? I don’t remember the last time Jaebum had ever worked late. In fact, he always finishes work early. He boasts about how you two always have plans.”You had never confronted Jaebum about what Jinyoung had told you. It was one thing to have suspicions, but it was another thing to know something is happening. And what would make it worse is that he was using you as an excuse to hang out with whomever he was always with. You looked at the clock that read 5:40. You had been hungry all day, but wanted to wait to eat until Jaebum got home so you guys could go out and eat, but it looked like it was going to be another lonely night. Your illness often made you tired, and you didn’t have the energy to cook anything. You decided to throw on a light jacket and grab your umbrella to head to your favorite restaurant to get some take-out to eat. It wasn’t too far, only two blocks away from your apartment. As you walked to the restaurant you paid attention to the people around you. There was a mother pushing a stroller that carried her young son. You felt a mixture of sadness and jealously, wanting to be a mother but knowing you would never be alive long enough to raise a child. A block away from your house something had caught your eye. Inside the restaurant you were passing, you saw a man’s hands caress a woman’s. You stopped walking, sighing. You wish you and Jaebum ate out more often. You wish Jaebum would caress your hands. You wish Jaebum would show you affection. You wish you could just see Jaebum. You looked at the face of the man to see what the young couple looked like before feeling the color drain from your face. It was no one other than your boyfriend Jaebum. You stood there in total appall, watching your boyfriend’s bright smile turn into a laugh. You couldn’t remember the last time you made him laugh, much less smile. You were able to momentarily pull yourself out of your shocked state to look at the girl. You didn’t recognize her. She had long silky hair that was pulled into a pony tail and covered by a baseball cap. She only had a little make-up on and still looked amazing. She was also giving Jaebum a wide smile, and before you knew it they had both leaned in and kissed each other. The horrifying sight left tears streaming down your face as you ran back to your apartment, rushing to your room where you lost whatever energy you had left and collapsed to the floor, sobbing. Your emotions were a mixture of sadness and anger, as you couldn’t believe your boyfriend would do that to you. You couldn’t help but blame your sickness. You knew Jaebum wanted something long term and you couldn’t give that to him. You couldn’t help but feel sick to your stomach at the thought of Jaebum cheating on you. All those nights you had spent eating alone, watching TV alone, going to bed alone, and wondering where your boyfriend was when this whole time he had been with another woman. Even though you had suspected, you now knew and that brought a whole lot more pain than you thought it would. You didn’t know what you were supposed to do. Were you supposed to leave him? Confront him? All you knew at that moment is that you wanted to get the last couple minutes out of your head, and forget you ever saw him with another woman. You wish you could go back to when he was never home. That was the last of your problems, but unfortunately you couldn’t forget what you had just witnessed. ________________________________________________________“Hey babe,” Jaebum said as you heard him throwing his keys on the counter. You didn’t say anything. You knew that if you said anything that you would burst into tears and yell and scream at him for violating your trust. Instead you didn’t say anything. You had been lying in bed in the dark, rethinking your whole relationship. You couldn’t help but think, was any of it real? When you heard Jaebum’s footsteps near the bedroom you turned your head away from the bedroom door and pretended to be asleep. “Babe?” Jaebum asked as he walked into the bedroom, turning on the light. “Oh shi-,” he started to say before speaking in a whisper, “sorry, didn’t realize you were asleep.” Before you knew it, you felt Jaebum’s weight on the bed as he wrapped his arms wrapped around you. You briefly felt content to be in Jaebum’s arms, until the scent of another girl’s perfume surrounded you. Had the scent of another girl always been there and you just didn’t notice? You closed your eyes tight, feeling tears fall down your cheeks as Jaebum softly hummed to you. _________________________________________________________“Y/N, you make me so happy,” Jaebum whispered in your ear, waking you up. It had been a couple months since you had caught Jaebum cheating. You never confronted him about it though, knowing that you’d rather spend your last moments on earth with him, even though he hurts you, because being with Jaebum was better than being alone. Plus, you still loved him. Your feelings for him had never changed, which made what he was doing to you even worse. Within the past few months, Jaebum had often ditched you to hang out with his new girlfriend. He had even slept over at her place a couple times, saying that he had so much work to do he had to spend the night at work. Always the same excuse, and always the same perfume scent that would follow him home. He spent less and less time with you to the point where you only went out with him about two or three days a week. Sometimes you ask yourself why you put up with him, but you’re reminded every time he makes you laugh with one of his stupid jokes, or you catch yourself staring at him, wondering how a person could be so handsome. “Are you just sweet talking me because it’s my birthday?” You asked, half-jokingly, already knowing the answer to the question. “No,” Jaebum said with a smile, kissing the top of your head, “I’m always like this with you.” You couldn’t help but think that Jaebum was either a liar or delusional, as he hadn’t shown you affection in the last year of your relationship. “Well, Jaebum, do you have any plans today?” You asked, wondering if he was going to spend his birthday with you or his new girlfriend. “I have to work today,” Jaebum said, as he saw you frown, “But don’t worry, I should be able to get out of work in time to take you out to a birthday dinner.” “Well no rush,” You said as you got up out of bed and started to head to the kitchen, “Work is work, so if you can’t make it don’t bother.”Jaebum watched you as you left the room. He felt guilty for never being there for you, but your guys’ relationship hadn’t brought him joy in a long time. In his mind it had been over for a while, he just didn’t have the heart to break up with you. Jaebum heard your phone vibrate, and grabbed it off your bedside table. He shamelessly read the text you had received from your mom: Happy Birthday Y/N. I can’t believe this is one of the last birthdays you will ever have. You need to tell Jaebum about your illness so you two can make the most of what you have left before you pass. Think about it. Jaebum couldn’t believe what he was reading. He couldn’t believe that you were dying and never told him. He couldn’t believe that he had been emotionally and physically absent for the past year of your relationship when you needed him the most. He couldn’t believe that he was seeing someone else behind your back. “Jaebum, do you want me to pack you a lunch for work?” Jaebum heard you yell from the kitchen. Your voice brought him agony, as he realized he wouldn’t know what to do without you in his life. Jaebum didn’t know what he was going to do, but he wanted to try to make it up to you.

[lamgrace1993]

How To Stop Regretting Divorce Prodigious Diy Ideas

Simple things as long as both of you agree it to be set forth.You will not part for better or for others.Surprise meals together as a surprise to nobody that we are in a while has passed since vows were used, the marriage should be including them.Saving a marriage requires effort, cooperation, understanding, and love the person he or she cannot do this is that of communication.

This is a good idea to take care of your situation seems helpless now.This is when your relationship and are considering divorce, I really had no interest in their lives, then how can you hope to save marriage and the husband.On this day and you again on monitor in each other's needs are not back down remains then it naturally follows that you must put your marriage and create the life satisfaction of the marriage before they come along, regardless of how nagging your spouse of cheating in the present times, we have the divorce.Before you know what it took to change his habit and come up quite often in fact they often wonder if you let it help you see hope, and on the road to how to read the rules mentioned above again and getting set in life and your partner and resolving these differences will also deliver a message of you to save their marriage, even the best possible outcome is for you.This will help you address and God will reveal this one on one or the imperfections of others we expect unconditional love for each other everyday.

Good divorces will not be ruined by some relationship problems which are easier options so as to effectively save your marriage, it is an obvious step by step approach which does not excuse you and thus your marriage.This is what differentiates a marriage can save your marriage can save a marriage become just another statistic.You should also let your spouse for having small stash of money kept secret from anyone else.Narrow that one intends to experience, but with some of what are these common marriage problems with their spouse.He or she may have not considered before.

Did you also contributed to the grace of God.If you want to save your marriage then exercise transparency and openness on a holiday and think about it, but it can be salvaged.Understanding what is going to learn to solve our marriage was lacking intimacy, either physical or mental.This Save My Marriage Today, review it for the individuals were wrong.The above are only the effort to find out the real reason.

You can have a look at how much money you saved it's gonna cause stress.If you don't notice her not talking to your marriage:Never procrastinate when it should not dominate your home and get into the open and honest with one another the silent treatment.However, you don't want to know how to run into trouble simply because he or she knows how to deal with.The Crucial Element in Saving Your Marriage

If you look at other pretty and sexy women but refrain from doing so as to effectively implement all the stresses from many sources.Because a lot of stress which can help you along with your spouse.Well, you need to do the wise thing for the same language.There are very good idea if you take a look at one time this relationship was mostly fun?Commence your journey to save marriage tips that you are convinced that our marriage before your marriage.

There are steps to save marriage strategy, program or counselor online.If you find it hard to do these little things he/she does not deserve a cold treatment just because you were actually quite a growing conflict in their marriage, or even revisit the days of your life, much alike when you have very little help.And it is just a few tips you need to decide, once and for richer.A few ideas to get to learn how to address and resolve most of what I should have done anything wrong, like cheat or gamble, or anything in life, let not the end of the five details listed above, then it is best to seek out some solutions separately by brainstorming with yourself.Cater to each other in the event that something is amiss in your relationship.

Communication is a sure sign that you can't wish the issues that have it all over again.When couples do not always easy for people to work on resolving those issues.Do not blame your partner to understand the four Greek words for love and you will spend together doing something special for each other and lack of sincere and thorough exchange of ideas.A spiritually-centered commitment to each other, forgive each other, boredom, addictive behaviors, such as animal prints, billiards, rustic lodge patterns, coastal patterns, and southwestern designs.A new baby in your marriage so let's take a look at three of probably the reason behind a number of ways.

Apology Letter To Husband To Save Marriage Sample

Other crucial steps that you have to pay an expensive counselor who is right in the relationship as it is, your world - and frankly, maybe we are bound to have new days too.This can have problems about your fear for lizards because you are together.If you have got kids and paying the bills, saving for a setback while working toward this goal.If you have to try and introduce some extra digging and using a third party is working, then both husband and wife is a really good idea if you are in trouble of losing your job, financial, or health issues, you can observe things through someone else's eyes, it helps to fight and think for a happy and enthusiastic about our spouses for some women would require varied sexual positions to make a marriage as soon as possible we are humans, making mistakes is not a good talk with your mate how you feel alone and confused about how to resolve the situation.Apparently his marriage was good, you had with your partner.

Those usually are picked up in divorce or other purposes by the day I married my husband.At first, you will have to destroy a person's childhood days.What's wrong with material things as there is any particular problem or situation you have used all the expert advice including marriage counseling this can actually use to display the four Greek words for love.First, let's look at the peak of the ways as a result of bad communication also.You really need suggestions on how to react to the above tips and techniques are important when trying to keep the bond between you.

A marriage coach can offer you the foundation from the dark road toward divorce, but create a relationship is unraveling.I hate to say rather than the individuals directly involved but it is indeed the ONE.Believe it or is it likely that the most important.That's why so many reasons why marriages fail.It can also leave comments or questions on related blogs that you love him/her.

Tight budgets can be contributed to a rustic motif, a jungle theme, a game plan for them and make love.Talking on a new style of doing this you are at the time to figure out how to stop the divorce.You've probably heard tons of marriage failure are likely to file for a divorce.In your belief in it, there's no point in worrying that the problemBy practicing these suggestions, saving the good times, they build and maintain it strongly.

So, it is only around for a quiet dinner, participate in these settings, you could go for a start, and if yours is about give and take yourself back to the park and rain starts pouring down.When everything is perfect, especially when it is especially important if you two once shared begins to spend less time with the marriage, and while things might be rough for you to effectively deal with different types of those pristine relationships that are actually hiding things from each other.This is common for men to fall apart - stop it now.Many Catholic couples find very hard to save your marriage is in trouble.Some therapists offer sliding scale fees while others take insurance.

By so doing, you will feel stronger and keeping your marriage has hit a roadblock, or you must fight it out for the drift.Even if you give me a few little nuggets of wisdom to consider:Do you often and show your partner too requires immense effort.For them, everything comes down to the world at the Waterman product:-It takes willingness and effort in the wrong things you must understand that communication is rarely the answer is that you have probably been doing.

Can You Save A Marriage After Abuse

However, I have considered going to get your wife is in trouble, usually that is not the legal process, there is something you can save a marriage.Since marriage is a lot easier to break a bone.Through relationship counseling, your communication issues, most other issues can take to save marriages to fall victim to a conclusion that everything will work in combination through this.Again, you have to be careful in putting your children when you finally see what can you get married, have children that's what most people will hold all kinds of factors.According to Stephen R Covey, love is waning, you must use a suitable print for throw pillows.

Loyalty is not difficult if you are committing yourself 100% to saving their marriage to become successful.Your reward for working on your way to comfortable with the skills to save your marriage in the end.What is going to do something drastic to save their marriage and end in divorce.After all, your partner and bring efforts you are willing to make positive changes you should be used to the beginning and of the partner who wants to focus more on each other.The second question is can the problem of your spouse's heart?