#this is for you - people who agreed with me on that post

[nerves-nebula]

Going on my own little pretentious ramble under the cut ❤️❤️❤️

Can’t agree with this at all sorry. First of all because the cannibalism as a metaphor thing isn’t always a kink. it’s very often being spoken about as a literary device or a metaphor in storytelling. Like yes, it can also be analyzed through the lens of kink writing as well and often is, but to say that people who are talking about cannibalism as a metaphor are actually just talking about vore is very confusing to me. Those are not the same thing.

Secondly one of my best friends is like super into vore and I am into cannibalism in a way that is somewhat both a fetish, but also kind of more of a narrative focus thing- and the overlap is so much smaller than you’d think in a way that’s hard to describe but is very evident in how we go about things. I guess you could say I’m closer to hard vore than she is, but even then it’s like. If we’re calling both of these things vore then it’s kind of lost a lot of the meaning going on here.

Also for the record I do actually love when ppl are pretentious about their kinks. I like when people think about why they like stuff and theorize and wax poetic about it. I vastly prefer it to people who don’t think about why they enjoy things at all. I just don’t like it when it’s done in a weirdly competitive way where you try to make it seem like it’s fucking praxis and elite and you need to read theory to understand why someone gets wet about something. i was making fun of a very specific very niche type of person I’ve (very rarely ever) seen. Not just like anyone who thinks about their kink a little pretentiously. 

Anyway this is the worst post I’ve ever made if only because it’s been really annoying me for days. Lots of people treating me like this is a belief I hold and not an obvious joke. Not enough to turn off reblogs (enjoying how many ppl like googlé and are talking about their kinks) but like. still.

my kink is more subversive and avant-garde than yours. your kink could be easily understood with a few googlé searches but mine requires lengthy knowledge of classical and modern literature. and it’s more taboo as well.

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

Hello! I'm so sorry because this is a bit random and you definitely don't have to answer. But I'm a writer too and is it just me or has Tumblr been seeing much less interactions with fanworks these days? People aren't reblogging the way they used to and it's bugging me. Someone reblogged one of my fics this morning with "I don't usually repost fics but this one stole my heart" and I'm pleased with the compliment obviously but it did rub me the wrong way... Tumblr has no algorithm that'll push fanworks to you, and if you like something you're a lil bit responsible for it being shared. And while I do thankfully receive compliments and encouragement on that blog, on another it's just... It feels a bit like they don't care for the author, they just want the fics.

I know this was a bit random, apologies again! I just didn't know who else to take this too. Hope you're having a wonderful week!

I mean, I do agree with you on the “people unfortunately no longer engage with or reblog stuff like they used to in the past” though, as a fellow writer, I don’t believe anybody is “responsible” for reblogging things they enjoy, be it fanfiction or anything. like… yes, reblog means a whole lot to us artists. Like as a function — for Tumblr — doesn’t actually help that much (Like still helps, we still appreciate Like, but it’s not as effective as Reblog), because unlike other social media platforms, Tumblr Like isn’t going to get the content spread to wider audiences. but still, I don’t want to guilt trip anybody into thinking that “reblogging stuff you enjoy is a Must on Tumblr” because then it kind of becomes a “responsibility”, and I don’t think “responsibility on anybody’s end (be it artists’ or audiences’)” is why we create art to begin with, be it fanfiction or fan art or any other form of art.

instead I’d like to encourage people to please reblog the stuff they like. we do appreciate you if you like our posts, but we will appreciate you even more if you reblog and help our content reach wider audience.

please please please please don’t be shy to reblog what you like. reblogging is also a great motivation for your favorite artists to create more art you can enjoy.

reblog is like giving your friend a cup of hot chocolate as a way of thanking them for giving you a gift (fanfic or fanart), in the sense that it’s not your ‘responsibility’ to give your friend a cup of hot chocolate because when your friend gifts you the gift (fanfic or fanart), they do it out of love, not because they demand something in return from you, but your friend will still greatly appreciate the cup of hot chocolate nonetheless, and there will more likely be more gifts (fanfic or fanart) from them this way.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Marita Vlachou at HuffPost:

The bishop who drew ire from Donald Trump for calling on him to show “mercy” to the people who are “scared” about him taking office said she won’t apologize for her words, in a new interview with NPR. In a post on his Truth Social platform, Trump blasted the Right Rev. Mariann Edgar Budde as “a Radical Left hard line Trump hater.” “She brought her church into the World of politics in a very ungracious way,” he wrote. But in an interview with NPR’s “All Things Considered,” Budde rejected his characterization. “Well, I’m not a Trump hater. I don’t hate the president, and I pray for him,” she said. ��I don’t agree with some of his views of the country and the way — the decisions he makes, but I certainly don’t hate him.” “I’m a 65-year-old grandmother, and I am not those things. So I don’t know what to say except you don’t know me, Mr. President. And I don’t think I portrayed myself in that way in the pulpit,” she continued. In her sermon on Tuesday, Budde addressed Trump, who was in attendance, urging him “to have mercy upon the people in our country who are scared now.” “There are gay, lesbian and transgender children in Democratic, Republican and independent families, some who fear for their lives,” she said. “The people who pick our crops and clean our office buildings, who labor in poultry farms and meatpacking plants, who wash the dishes after we eat in restaurants.” “They may not be citizens or have the proper documentation, but the vast majority of immigrants are not criminals,” she added.

Bishop Budde is right to reject crybully Trump’s demands to apologize to him.

See Also:

The Guardian: Bishop who angered Trump with call for mercy says she will not apologize

[mythalism]

i think what people need to understand is that no amount of essays assuring me of veilguard's strengths, of which i agree there are plenty, is going to change the fact that the emotional experience veilguard prompted within me (and for many others) while i played it was a deeply negative one. discomfort at best, painful at worst. im talking stomach aches. visceral, somatic creeping disappointment and dread that i tried to fight for hours and hours but eventually had no choice but to accept. i stopped wanting to play entirely around 30 hours. i felt vaguely ill. i felt anxious. i could not sleep for a few days. and im not saying i felt sick because it was so bad, but that i felt sick because of the sinking realization that i was about to be terribly, horribly disappointed after so, so long. you could call me dramatic and im sure someone will. idk what to tell you. my emotions manifest physically long before they become decipherable or understandable to me mentally, especially when they're 10 years in the making. probably an autism symptom. regardless, it was genuinely pretty awful, especially because i had immense good faith for this game. i was so hopeful and optimistic and generally thrilled and literally anyone who followed me before october 31 would know that. the emotional whiplash and crash was intense and devastating, and i was reeling for days. you cannot tell me that this experience was "wrong" or "toxic" due to it's negative nature. it was entirely involuntary and outside of my control, as i would expect many people's joy was. emotional reactions are not beholden to fandom discourse.

any post i have made criticizing the game since is attempt to make sense of the emotional roller-coaster of the past 10 years, this summer, and finally this game's release. i do not come on here and write out my criticisms of veilguard because i want YOU to dislike it too. the nature of my essays are not persuasive. if they do persuade you its just because i am a well-trained essayist. sorry. if they dont, great! that wasnt the point. i have no desire to change anyone's mind on the game, in fact i actually would not wish the disappointment i felt on anyone. the fact that i have a lot of followers who agree with what i say and who spread the thoughts i express across tumblr is literally out of my control. when i write out my long-winded criticisms, it is out of a need to express and externalize that sinking, cold feeling i had while playing, in pursuit of understanding exactly why playing that game felt that way to me. identifying, analyzing and verbalizing is the only way i have been able to process my experience. its confessional and therapeutic more than anything. it helps other people understand their own difficult emotional process with the game. its not an attempt to ruin your fun. my negative experience with veilguard does not invalidate anyone else's positive one.

i see so many posts acting like all criticism is an intentional, targeted hate campaign and i dont understand that assumption. to what ends? what would that achieve? why would i bother with such a thing? maybe that is some people's intention in the deep hater corners of this website, and im blissfully unaware. if it is, fuck them. its certainly the intention of annoying grifters, but i feel the distinction between transphobe grifters and devastated fans is pretty clear, so im not sure why the lines are deliberately blurred as if those groups are remotely similar. some of my criticisms come from a more objective place. the writing comes to mind, and it's a consistent criticism from thousands of players. but just because i consider it to be poorly executed, does not make it unlovable. and when i say that i think its poorly done, i am not saying that you cannot or should not love it, or that you are stupid for loving it. maybe someone out there is saying that!!! but i am not. things do not have to be perfect to be enjoyable. they dont even have to be well executed to be enjoyable. "i think x aspect of veilguard is poorly done for yz reasons" is a completely different sentence than "you should not like x aspect of veilguard for yz reasons". these are not the same statements. i see so many posts that are so vitriolic and acting like two experiences of this game cannot coexist, that one has to win and be objectively right, moralizing them on a false axis of positivity = good and negativity = bad, and acting like the existence of one negates the experience of the other. and why? why would that be true? i literally love so many things that other people think are absolute ass. i also love plenty of things that i myself think are actual ass. i love them anyway. this is allowed and really fun. i am not sure who told you that it is not.

however, i have just as much of a right to express my disappointment as you have to express your excitement. i am genuinely happy for everyone who loves the game, i am glad it resonated, or that you saw yourself in its characters, or that it just scratched your hyperfixation itch. but whatever je ne se quoi it had for you, it did not have for me. i have written out so much criticism about so many aspects of the game, but fundamentally what it comes down to and what i cannot express in words is that while i played after waiting 10 years for that moment, it felt wrong. it wasn't that i had specific expectations for game story that were not met, in fact, it exceeded my expectations in a lot of ways. i mean that in terms of how i felt, something was off. it did not resonate. it did not land. it did not hit the right cord with me. i did not have enough moments of joy to outweigh the feeling of emptiness. i did not walk away from it feeling the way that the previous games made me feel. and ive been trying to figure out exactly why that is for three months now by talking about it with people who feel similarly. i am not sure that i will ever be able to analyze my way into figuring it out. it might just have to simply be that it left me bereft.

and so my posts are not anti-veilguard hater propaganda to make you feel like shit for loving the game. rather, they are me verbally processing exactly why i feel like shit so i can hopefully stop feeling like shit. to assume that people who are trying to process these negative feelings are toxic and intentionally malicious is a projection made in bad faith. i love dragon age, and it is because i love it so much that it disappointed me, and it is because disappointed me that i have to verbally process it on tumblr.com so that i dont go absolutely insane. i tag my posts properly. i do not go into tags where i do not belong. i do not rage-bait. i am participating in post-partum dragon age therapy between me and my followers. if it ends up on your dash, sorry. my therapy is popular i guess. so please for the love of god enjoy the game, freely and enthusiastically. i am happy for you. i will sit here and be jealous that it spoke to something in your soul that it unfortunately did not speak to in mine, and nothing i say can take that away from you. please stop interpreting it as an attempt to.

[teriri-sayes]

Reactions to The Worst's Chapter 395

Brief summary: Cale is doing his best to convince himself to stay positive upon learning what Clopeh had done. Count Lupe wakes up.

==========

Most of the chapter was so funny because of Clopeh. 😂 And Cale was heavily in denial, trying to stay positive despite his ominous feeling. 🤣🤣🤣

"Cale-nim." And finally, he faced Clopeh Sekka, the disaster. No, not quite a disaster yet. "Uh, umm.." For some reason, Cale was speechless. He would like to ask why the quest progress was like that. "Did you have a nice trip?" But when he saw Clopeh smiling, he was afraid to ask. '…Did I choose wrong?' For the first time in a while, Cale regretted his choice. “I did what you asked me to do, and I did it with all my heart and soul.” Ah. A sigh escaped his mouth. "Now that everything's ready, Cale-nim, all we have to do is wait a day." A smiling Clopeh. His gentle voice. Eyes filled with happiness. And eyes that sparkled with excitement. 'I'm screwed.' Cale realized that whatever it was, he was doomed. And- "Hahaha-" He laughed. "Yeah. Good job!" Yeah, everything will work out somehow! And I'm not going to live in the game, and it will only be a little embarrassing for that dragon half-blood guy. 'Yeah, people will soon forget his birth!' Honestly, look around you. Who, not even family, would remember the moment someone was born and talk about it for decades? 'Yeah! It's just an event! A quest!' Therefore! "Okay, I'll just wait!" Let's just sit still and receive the quest rewards. "Hahaha!" Cale laughed.

But that sentence in the middle though - Who, not even family, would remember the moment someone was born and talk about it for decades? ...KRS's past is just so sad. 😭

Clopeh then asked for Cale's help later, saying that it was "nothing special" and just "something small." Yeah, right. 😂😂😂 Last chapter, Cale spoke of his raid as "nothing special" while Alberu and Rosalyn looked at him disbelief. 🤣🤣🤣

So, Cale... why did you agree to help? You even had an ominous feeling. 😂😂😂

Count Lupe was confirmed to be dead, and his soul was trapped in the game. But his family did not survive the experiment, dying in agony. So upon regaining his memories, he vowed revenge against the Demon King.

Problem was, Count Lupe was in awe at Cale who instigated discord between the Demon King, hunters, and GoC alliance. He was giving Clopeh vibes today. Welcome to Caleism, Count Lupe. 😂😂😂

So what exactly did Clopeh do? Well, he caused 39 different phenomena in the entire continent, overworking Gashan, HD, Mary, and the others. This caused the powers of New World, such as kingdoms, magic towers, and the Eight Evils, to secretly send their strongest people in the 7th Evil area.

"…" Cale shut his eyes tightly. In the incubation room, there was only Cale and Eden Miru. On his lap lay Clopeh's report. "…" He opened his eyes and stared at the egg wrapped in a flower-patterned blanket. "…I'm sorry." …Shake. It was a gesture of understanding and resignation. (Insert several paragraphs of what Clopeh had done.) Clopeh's report ran to a whopping hundred pages. It was hard to even hold it. "…39 strange phenomena… across the entire continent? This crazy bastard." Shake. "You made a video and posted it on the forums to spread public opinion? How did you know that? Legends just make stories on their own, right? But why did you make a video and post it? Hah. You crazy bastard." Shake. "Are you excited too?" Shake. "Thank you for your hard work." Shake. "But it will be okay after tomorrow. Yes." Shake? "Yeah. I guess it'll be okay." …Sh…Sh…Shake. Cale tried hard to ignore the report that contained the order in which the birth, or rather the legendary birth, was to take place. "Hey, you just have to be born well. We'll take care of the rest." Sh…Sh…Sha…Shake…Shake… Eden Miru also turned away.

Cale's reactions. 😂😂😂 And Eden's shaking. 🤣🤣🤣 Clopeh overdid it that with less than an hour left, the birth ceremony progress rose from 159% to 197%! 🤣🤣🤣

Ending Remarks As expected of our pope, Clopeh! Next chapter would finally be Eden's birth. What do you think will his skin color will be?

[weiszklee]

Sure, I can get behind constituting imperialism as a baseline upon which other analysis is built. What is the analysis? I don't see it. I mean, maybe it's in the post those tags up there are from, I don't know. The one thing I see above that kind of has the shape of a valuable insight is this:

It kinda reveals a tendency for global north people to just take the ways in which their society has benefitted from colonialism and imperialism for granted.

And I just don't think it follows. Or rather, it's just part of a bigger patern: People tend to take everything about their modern lifestyle for granted. True. But I don't need to look at fantasy books to realise this. It is not a secret to anyone talking to other people on a regular basis. Now, literature could work as an antidote to that, sure, but I don't think it's fair to demand that it do so:

And yeah, some fantasy authors don't give a damn about how anything in their world works. Frankly, I don't consider them very good authors in general.

Like, we will have to agree to disagree on that one. There are loads of different reasons to read and enjoy fiction. Learning about the real world can be one of them, but it is not a requirement. An author who fails to teach me about the real world is not doing a bad job, they just have other priorities. I usually learn about the real world from non-fiction anyway.

My bludgeon comment maybe went a bit far, but you are misconstruing it, which is funny since you are accusing me of being the one who is not reading properly: It is because imperialism can be detected everywhere that not much insight is gained by detecting it somewhere specific. Pointing out the imperialism of something becomes a bludgeon when it is selectively employed against the things already disliked for other reasons. I do admit though that I do not know whether that is what was happening in this discussion, so I apologise.

👀

[frownyalfred]

Nearly all my AO3 bookmarks are unhinged (positive) comments for my organization system, and I need you to know that, unironically, a non zero numbers of my bookmarks of your stuff is stuff like, “No Alfred chopping wood, 6.5/10”, “Hal jumpscare. Have learned something about myself today. 8.43/10”, or “Is a WIP. Mean :( 4/10”

The number-crunching process is…intricate, lol.

My bookmarks are also entirely private. I only bookmark writing I love, but I don’t wanna accidentally upset someone when they reasonably interpret things differently, you know? Especially w/authors like you who have written enough for some serious variety and might be worried about people reacting immaturely to new kinds of fic.

I enjoy everything you put out, both for the stuff I found you for (SuperBat for days) and things I honestly used to consider a squick of mine (You have rewritten my brain with your A/B/O AUs)!

I appreciate both your rating system and your care in making sure it's private to prevent misunderstandings. I think I'd be 90% more chill about ratings in bookmarks if they gave an explanation like you described -- though I don't speak for all authors and sometimes the rating itself, even with context, is a slap in the face.

I do think you bring up an important thought here. So much of our tone online is context-dependent, and authors and bookmarkers are sometimes operating in very different circles. Meaning can get lost easily, and feelings can be hurt easily without that being the intention. Keeping things private unless we're certain the author won't be hurt makes the most sense to me right now, until we come up with a better system.

An example of this came to me as I was writing this reply. A few months ago I had someone reblogging my posts on here and tagging them "pedantic." And while yes, I agree that most of my posts are probably a little pedantic, that still stung. I mean, pedantic? You think I'm pedantic? That's all you have to say about it? Why are you reblogging it then?

So I went to their blog, read their pinned post, and realized they had a complex tagging system set up for archiving. "Pedantic" was their own tag for posts that were either longer than a paragraph, or that got into greater detail about certain topics. Their explanation/tag summary made perfect sense after that, but from my POV back on my own blog? All I get is the "pedantic" which again, didn't feel great.

That's all to say -- reader and writer relationships are a push and pull, a constant evaluation of ourselves and others, and we should seek to be kind and perhaps overly cautious when possible. Too many things already get lost in translation here on the internet.

[needabetternamelater]

"'yet another dodge'? have we ever interacted before? i can't find any indication we have. why would you walk up to a complete stranger and say that unless you wanted to start a fight?" Yet another dodge that a prison abolitionist made. You're not the first prison abolitionist I asked.

"if you're so unwilling to read pro-abolition posts in good faith that you resort to misreading standard english grammar just to pretend the only possible interpretation of what i wrote is something counterfactual, there is no point in me talking to you." I've read plenty of pro-abolition posts in good faith, thanks. And no, this is not misreading standard english grammar just to pretend that the only possible interpretation of what you wrote is something counterfactual. Don't pretend things are bad-faith just because you can't answer a question. "like. we already agree on the one single claim i made!" I don't think we do. " you could've opened with something like "while i agree that the vast majority of rapists go uncaught and unpunished under the current system, wouldn't it be better to work on increasing the number who end up behind bars rather than committing to a system in which none of them do?" " Why would I ask someone who already called for abolition that? Their answer is clearly "No." "and then we could've had a conversation about the plausibility of a carceral system gaining the ability to keep rapists off the streets in a useful way. or perhaps we could've talked about the damage of the carceral approach to victims relative to the assumed value of taking a very small percentage of rapists off the streets. or a whole bunch of things. " Also, you've clearly answered that we shouldn't do any of that already. I mean, I've tried that with various other prison abolition things. I don't want a conservation that never quite manages to answer the goddamn question. And statistically, 1% of rapists commit 50% of rapes so the raw numbers don't tell the whole story. And then there's the aging-out factor. "abolitionists aren't a monolith! " So? I'm asking about abolition. Not reduction, not better conditions in prison. That's the boring part I agree on already. "what are you going to do with the rapists and murderers" is a fairly specific policy question, so asking that is akin to asking a USian proponent of universal healthcare "how will you handle religious hospitals/elective plastic surgery/drug shortages/experimental treatments/assisted suicide/etc?" and expecting a pat, satisfying answer every medicare-for-all supporter agrees on off the top of their head." Oh, come off it. I'm not expecting that. Linking to any of the big-names with an actual answer will do for one. For two, the internet is asynchronous and doesn't mean I'm expecting you to have an answer off the top-of-your head, regardless of how many people agree with it. Now, I know you can't actually do that because none of the big-names have tried to actually answer the question - but that is neither my fault nor my problem. #and if you just want to talk#don't pretend you want to listen#i don't particularly want to talk to anybody who is just sitting there waiting for me to say something in an unclear or ambiguous way#so they can declare victory over a strawman#prison industrial complex#dove.txt#t7dtf What I want is an answer to the goddamn question. Not a dozen related questions but the actual question. And the thing is an actual answer would be clear and unambiguous so it wouldn't come up if the prison abolition movement would try to actually answer the question.

But actually, yes, someone should be able to answer the first three questions everyone is going to ask.

[gauntletgirlie]

So, I have a confession to make. Long post to follow, sorry.

Anyone who follows my blog knows I post the thirstiest bullshit, alright, and I love it but…

… there’s a part of me that doesn’t agree with the sexualisation sometimes. I’ve often wondered if my brain just works in different ways to other people’s, maybe I have some aroace in me yearning to come forth? But there are a lot of ships that sprung up from TROP where I have nothing against them at all, I firmly stand on ship and let ship, but what they were founded on I did not interpret as sexy or romantic.

For example, Adar is shipped with all and sundry and it’s brilliant and peak comedy at times, fuelled by Sam Hazeldine’s fantastic chemistry with his co-stars. But there are certain scenes where I get why they were interpreted that way, but I also think a lot can be missed by jumping to sex/romance.

One instance is Adar telling Elrond he has the beauty of his forebear Melian. In modern society, a man calling another man beautiful probably is flirting, since men (generalisation) struggle to compliment each other apparently without feeling the need to caveat “no homo”. But in the context of Tolkien’s world and even medieval norms, that wasn’t the case. If anything, Adar is showing off his knowledge and also baiting Elrond by asking if he’s as wise as Melian.

Also take the scene where Adar chokes Elrond to get Nenya from around his neck. Often interpreted as kinky (which is valid). Sometimes choking is just violence though. Adar needed to get Nenya and overpower Elrond. He’s in the middle of a literal battle. Maybe I’ve watched too much true crime and seen the effects of countless domestic abuse cases, but choking can just be violent and violently intended. Probably a boring and obvious take, but that’s how I perceived it when I watched.

Does Adar look sexy as hell doing it? I think so but others might not. Could you also see it as Adar flirting with Elrond and ship them together? Of course! Why the hell not! I just sometimes miss the non-romantic aspects of analysis and discussion.

Same with Maidar. I totally get where that ship comes from, it makes sense, it has a lot going for it. I also personally adhere to the notion there was no sex or romance between them. I think there was alluring, I think there was admiration, I think there was a codependency, I don’t think it was sexual or romantic. To me, having your best friend and/or most trusted, loyal follower stab you in the back would hurt more than a lover. I might be falling back on my own thoughts on how I’d feel and I would personally be more devastated at being betrayed by my closest friend than my husband. I’ve lost friends and I’ve lost loves, the friends hurt more.

Adariel is another one. Again, I think there are strong grounds for that ship and I love so much of the art for it, but a lot of what is interpreted as romantic for me was just tactical manipulation, coupled with genuine admiration on Adar’s part and the fact that Galadriel is beautiful so most people would be attracted to her if we’re being totally honest. Adar used her to get what he wanted. His methods might have included flirtation or creating tension in closeness, but for me, they were all about tactics to defeat Sauron. Galadriel and Nenya were a way for him to do that so he did want he needed to facilitate that.

I’m not even going to touch on Haladriel or Saurondriel because this post is already hella long and my anxiety is already sky high so I’m chickening out.

Sorry this is such a weird random word vomit, it was nerve wracking to write and post, but I just needed space to let this part of me out. I know it’s so contradictory to how I’ve presented myself on here so far, but I felt like if I’m allowed to let the thirst flow, I should be allowed to let this version of me out as well.

I’m literally this:

Guess which one gets fed more? 😂

Fear not, folks, I will resume my thirsty bullshit forthwith.

[thefrontmanscockwarmer]

Easier

Player 001 x reader [Fluff]

Masterlist <- Comment on this post to be added to the tag list

“Gi-Hun” you groaned as he took your bottle of water, holding it above your head.

“Come on, just grab it” he chuckled. “Or are you too short?” He faked the pensive thought before smiling again.

“Big brother” you drawled. “When I get out of here, I swear, I’m kicking your ass.” You say, putting your hands on your hips.

“Well, if we play one more game, you might end up dumber than you already are.” He chuckled, poking your ribs.

“No stupider than you” you stuck your tongue out. Gi-hun was your older brother, you honestly hadn’t spoken to him in a while, since you went off to university. He was still annoying.

“Well, dummy, you ended up here due to your poor money choices” he countered. The grim scenario now a joke as you fought. Young il, coming up behind you, reaching over your head for that bottle.

“Thanks Young-“ you reached for it before he threw it up to Gi-Hun engaging you in a game of Monkey in the Middle. “Come on guys!” You pouted.

“What, bunny? You gonna cry?” Young il teased.

“No, stupid head.” You spit back.

“Me? A stupid head? No way” he poked you as you reached for your water bottle, jumping as high as you could but not being able to reach.

“Hey, look at that stupid girl!” The purple haired guy snickered from behind you with his idiot friend. “Can’t even reach her water bottle” he walked closer to you.

“Leave me alone moron” you say before turning back to Gi-Hun for your water bottle. Thanos grabbed your arm, spinning you around.

“What did you say? Bitch?” He asked, his breath dusting your face. You cringed.

“I called you a moron.” You say as you reach for your nose. “Also, your breath smells so awful, back up like, 10 feet so i can actually breathe” you say, sass lacing your voice. He cocked his arm back, Gi-Hun and Young il stepping to be in front of you. You stuck your tongue out at Thanos from behind the two men in front of him.

“What’s up, freaks?” Thanos laughs as the two men looked at him with stoic expressions.

“Who the hell do you think you are? Putting your hands on her like that” Gi-hun asks.

“I’m just messing with her” he tries to play off.

“Didn’t look like playing to me” Young il says calmly.

“Well- i just- i mean “ Thanos stuttered over his words.

“Let me make this easy for you, since you seem to not have a brain” Gi-Hun begins. “If you put your hands on her again`, i swear, you’ll have a worse punishment than being shot” Gi-Hun threatened in a low voice. Before anyone had a chance to say another word, Young il punched him in the face.

“Get the fuck out of here” Young il shouted heatedly, kicking him in the stomach making him fall.

“Yeah get the fuck out” Gi-Hun pointed past him as he scooted backwards before standing and running off. You ran to the aid of Young il, grabbing his hand and inspecting it.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt? How’s your hand?” You ask rapidly. You ripped off your jacket, wrapping it around his fist. He smiled softly. He removed it, handing your jacket back to you.

“Yes, I’m okay. No, I’m not hurt” he chuckles lightly at your pressing concern.

“(Y/n), you know he’s a grown man right-“ you slapped Gi-Huns chest shutting him up.

“I didn’t see you punch him, Big brother” you rolled your eyes. You led Young il back to your bed.

You guys were beginning to barricade your side, predicting that they were going to start a fight in the middle of the night. Without some push back, Young il agreed to let Gi-Hun take the first shift.

“You know, you’re so beautiful (y/n)” Young il said as he brushed hair from your face. You giggled. “Why are you laughing? I’m serious” he gave a smile.

“Because, I dunno, I just like hearing you say my name” you giggled shyly.

“(Y/n), (y/n), (y/n)” he said quickly, tickling you gently making you burst out in laughter. He shushed you gently, laughing himself. “Shhhh, you’re gonna wake people up, and Gi-Huns gonna come over here worrying, and get mad that we’re all cuddled up together.”

“Oh shut up, he’s just my brother.” You say, lightly pushing him.

“I dont knowww” he trailed. “He did tell a guy he’d kill him if he touched you again”

“Well, that only applies to that one guy” you say looking at his lips. “You’re an exception.”

“Oh am i?” He says grinning as he pulled you closer to him. His lips just inches from yours.

“Yeah, you are” you tell him before he gently attached him lips to yours. You smile into the kiss as you feel his hand sneak itself under your shirt and around to your back to rub your it. You copied his motion as you rubbed his chest. He didn’t look fit in that baggy sweat suit, but you were tracing his abs gently. He smiled as your hand laced in his hair as he shifted to get more on top of you. Your light moans as you kissed were setting him on fire. He got off of you.

“Sorry, sorry. I’m just… getting excited” he says shyly. You laughed, cupping his face.

“It’s okay, pretty boy.” You say. “ I think it’s supposed to get easier to get excited when you’re kissing a girl you really like.” You kiss him.

“Mmm like?”

“Yeah?” You reply confused.

“I was thinking love” he shrugs.

“Love is perfect.” You cut him off. Kissing him one last time before curling into his chest to sleep. His wrapped his arms around you, sighing with content.

“I love you” he declares aloud.

“I love you” you return.

“Too?” He inquires.

“No, the word ‘too’ means in addition, or also. I love you.” You tell him with a yawn. He opened his mouth making a quiet ‘oh’ motion.

“Well then, love is love. I love you.” He repeated.

“I love you more” you return, grinning. He smiled as he laid down. Letting sleep overcome him.

Tag list

@christinamadsen @sebbymybaby21

[rockybloo]

I feel like bitchin so I'mma bitch bc I always see people going on rants on their Tumblrs and I'm long overdue for one. Anyways, this is a long one so be aware you are gonna be scrolling for a good bit if you view under the cut.

ANYWAYS, I know that that rude anon from last week is old news but their whole "I'm sad that Glitter and Guilt is a m/f relationship" thing is just a part of a never ending situation I am going to experience til the end of time (or til I stop posting stuff online) just because I focus on primarily m/f relationships in my art.

And they aren't even straight m/f relationships, which is what annoys me the most about comments like this. They're all bisexual. But because people see bisexual characters as better than straight but less than same-sex attracted orientation, I will always have to deal with these passive aggressive ass comments.

I dealt with this typa stuff SO OFTEN in my early days on Instagram, especially when I posted some of my gender nonconforming OCs like Danny (my pink demon man who dresses like a bimbo Barbie doll). It got to the point I stopped sharing him over there for a bit because I would get comments where people were hoping he had a boyfriend in the past, or they were disappointed I "never" drew any Sapphic couples because they mistook Danny as a woman in a pic where he was kissing Karrie.

And I get the whole desire to want more representation. Trust me, I'm bi, black, and nonbinary. I am NEVER going to get any type of representation outside of the indie artists I find in small niche circles online. I completely get the whole "m/f relationships are EVERYWHERE in mainstream media" mentality because I also agree but only to a point.

There's a ton of trashy m/f media, but there's also good shit when you dig because you can find people who don't just shove a guy and girl together and call that a done deal - they actually give them personality and chemistry and a fun dynamic.

I'm a firm believer that the gender of a ship shouldn't dictate if it's good or not. An interesting dynamic is what motivates me to care about a couple of characters dating. That's why it bugs me whenever someone suggests any kind of series to me and simply tells me "It's gay" before telling me the actual plotline. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT A SERIES IS ABOUT! DO NOT WASTE MY TIME!!! (Please do not pop into my inbox after reading this and suggest me stuff btw because I've never been a big suggestions unprompted person - I typically find stuff myself bc I have weird tastes ANYWAYS BACK TO MY RANTING)

When it comes to my art, I draw m/f relationships as a primary focus because it's fun to mess with gender dynamics and flip them on their head, as well as to give younger me the food I wish I had. Growing up, before I realized I was nonbinary, I rarely saw any black girls in loving relationships in animated series I enjoyed. And occasionally I would get flash banged with the long despised trope of "Disposable Black Girlfriend". So I never felt like m/f relationships were oversaturated in my eyes because there were barely any good ones that featured a black girl with a happy ending - which means from DAY MOTHERFUCKIN ONE I was starving for content.

So that obviously means that when I grew up and adopted my "Make your own food" mentality, I started cooking. AND COOK I STILL DO! Because in the end, I make all this food to please myself. OTHERS MAY EAT OF COURSE - I am always happy when people come to my restaurant to dine because they enjoy my meals, but I hate how every blue moon I will get someone who waltzes into my little eatery and tells me that they wish I cooked the meal they get from other restaurants.

Because it would be so much more productive to just go eat AT those restaurants since they already got the food you like.

Having people comment their displeasure about me drawing a guy and a girl together in a healthy (and occasionally insane) relationship is always baffling to me. It's never going to make me stop, it'll only make me draw more Red Beans or more Licorice. It's also so baffling because I know that if the tables where flipped - and I was drawing primarily same-sex bisexual couples (OR JUST SOME GAY OR LESBIAN COUPLES IN GENERAL BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE JUST DON'T CARE ABOUT BI FOLKS AT ALL), it would be so fuckin' frowned upon to comment "I wish you drew more m/f! 🥺"

But because I draw m/f bi couples, it's totally free game. IT'S DEF STILL FROWNED UPON but one is way more likely to make you look like an asshole than the other. Because even in cases where people have said they agree it's a dick move to complain about m/f from me, there's still that vibe of it being more acceptable just because of mainstream media having so many m/f couples and that being the standard of offline society.

But I'm not mainstream media. And I disagree with a lot of standards of offline society which is WHY I poke fun at gender norms with my OCs.

That's why getting a ton of new followers is such a "oh boy here we go" thing for me, because with old followers that have been around for awhile, they know what's up. They understand what I draw, what I write, and how my OCs typically behave. They get that my m/f ships have rabies.

But new followers don't know this. And this has led to some real big "OOF" moments. Like people calling Jack and Nana a "het" couple. Yes, I know that that's a term that doesn't JUST mean "heterosexual" and can refer to them being different genders. It still feels hella weird for me - it's why m/f is my preferred descriptor because it lacks that confusion.

New followers are typically the ones that leave the passive aggressive comments about me mostly drawing m/f. OFTEN because they think I am one of those artists who will draw whatever it takes to please my audience. BUT I AM NOT - THERE IS NO AUDIENCE INFLUENCE HERE ☝🏾

I am not a taxi where I pick people up whenever they call me and I drop them off wherever they tell me.

I am a roller-coaster. Specifically those ones where you can see the entire track layout in the distance so you know what you're in for. You may sit in the front or the back or somewhere in the middle but that is the last input you got before I take off at my own speed (that will be stated RIGHT on the warning sign you read as you walked in) and once I am done, you may get off and carry along your merry way through the rest of the park OR you may get on to ride again.

This entire passive aggression towards m/f ships is just so tiring to deal with because there will never be an end to it. Even after I post this, I know days, weeks, months, YEARS down the line - someone will see some Jack and Nana art, or some Bitterbat and Sweetheart comic, or ANY of my other m/f couples, and type up some comment about how they wish the couples were same-sex. Or someone will lament over the fact they thought a couple was same-sex but it turned out the dude was just hella feminine.

Because it just ain't enough to have bisexual characters that are dating the same sex because then people will call them "straight passing" and not count them as being queer. And having all my OCs being bisexuals ain't enough to mark me as a queer artists in some eyes because "making all your OCs bi is just lazy" and not me representing an aspect of myself that I constantly see sidelined online.

Me drawing bisexual m/f couples is viewed as something that can be tinkered and tampered with so I can be more appealing and inclusive to others like I'm some mainstream Hollywood series and not just some random person online who draw the fictional beings in my mind kissing each other whenever I got the crumb of free time. Primarily drawing m/f couples means I gotta just vibe whenever I see a moot or a friend post or reblog some weird sentiment referring to how lame m/f couples are and I just gotta HOPE that they aren't including bisexuals when they engage with stuff like that.

I'm in this weird space where I am wedged between "You're not a straight artist" and "You aren't drawing enough gay stuff" online.

And I'm fine with this since I've been online for over a decade at this point. This isn't a vent post, this is a rant. I don't need cheering up or comfort after posting this. This is just some real talk because I typically post lighthearted stuff since I like to keep my blogs positive.

But I also like to keep my shit honest and I think it's important to just state a piece of my mind. I wouldn't say I'm being vulnerable, this is just some insight to why I draw what I do and why I get so annoyed by certain interactions with people and certain sentiments online that are antagonistic of m/f ships that put them all down without hearing them out.

Blah blah blah I'm tired of typing and I've said most of the main points I've needed uuuummm

If you read this long have some m/f fluff

[rysingsun]

tags by @hazel2468

Peer reviewed! I felt like this was a really good example of an inverse of OP’s story. Thank you for agreeing to me drawing attention to your tags, because I feel that it really adds to the original post.

May we all have the courage to only surround ourselves with people who care about us more than the carpet <3

Full alt text was not added, only a sentence saying that it was a screenshot of tags. I encourage anyone who feels up to transcribing it to please reblog with the alt text for it. Hopefully it’s easier for desktop users since it’s on the longer side.

I’ve had my fair share of trauma and abuse in my life but almost none of it has come from my family directly. Sometimes I meet people whose trauma does come from their family mistreating them and to them the idea of a family out there somewhere being safe doesn’t occur to them. They don’t know what that looks like.

Here’s an example from my own life about what that looks like.

My grandmother had this Christmas ornament. It was a beautiful crystal clear glass bulb in an unusual shape that her best friend had bought for her many years before. It was irreplaceable, unique, imported from Europe. No longer in production.

And one day when I was eight years old I held it, accidentally squeezed it too tight, and it shattered in my hands like a water balloon.

When my grandmother saw this her first response was to check my hands for any cuts, wipe my apologetic tears, and gently ask if I was okay. Then she had me help her clean up the mess and that was that.

I broke something sentimental and irreplaceable and her first concern was making sure that I was okay. And that has been the standard for my entire life without question. That should be the standard in every family without question and if it wasn’t in your family then I’m very sorry you had to put up with that. I’m very sorry if you currently do have to put up with that.

You can, however, work to make it the standard in your own life from now on. Worry about the people you love first and trust that they know when they’ve done something wrong and if they don’t, explain it to them and let them understand the consequences.

Sometimes this also means reducing the presence in your life of people who refuse to live by this standard. That can hurt. I’ve had to do it myself with distant family and former friends. But sometimes it’s necessary.

Remember, you’re always worth more than a glass ornament. Anyone who doesn’t treat you as such is wrong.

[ooooo-mcyt]

I'm also so tired of people pretending Scott was canonically abusive toward Jimmy in Third Life.

Earlier I made a post pointing out how it rubs me the wrong way that people always portray Scott as toxic toward Jimmy and never portray the relationship as mutually toxic or with Jimmy as the toxic one.

This is strange to me because neither of them are actually toxic in Third Life. Making either of them out to be abusive is an extreme fanon extrapolation, which can be done for fun or drama/angst, but I always found it odd that Scott was always the toxic one in this case considering you can just as easily stretch Jimmy's behavior to be "toxic" if you wanted to.

Someone facetiously summed up my argument as ""interesting how you portray the one who constantly insulted and hit his husband as abusive. surely if you really cared about abuse victims you'd portray the one who got beat as in the wrong"" (and then implied i don't care about abuse victims because of this??), which..is ridiculous to me. Because Scott was not canonically abusive.

I agree that it would have been ludicrous for me to ask why they're not both portrayed as toxic if one of them was actually beating the other. But that never happened! Scott may have hit Jimmy in game, but it feels like it's in super bad faith to insist in game action is always a direct one to one show of what's actually happening in a scene. Punching in minecraft is probably the most common form of body language which every single player on the series does to each other.

If you want to interpret Scott hitting Jimmy in minecraft as a literal act of abuse, you can. But they did not treat it as such in the actual videos, they did not put any seriousness or weight behind the act. If you want to portray it as abuse, that's a stretched extrapolation to fit a narrative you want to create, not canon.

And it's not inherently wrong to exaggerate or dramaticize canon. I'm not the fandom police, if you want to make things mean more than they actually did, you can do that.

But it drives me insane when people take a fanon interpretation that they heavily stretched and distorted from canon and expect people to engage with that completely non-canon interpretation as if it's what actually happened.

(* actually removing main fandom tags because it was actually a bit distressing, as an abuse survivor, to be randomly accused of, like, victim blaming or something, over a relationship that wasn't canonically abusive. and main fandom tags are for posts that are coherent and fun to make.)

[antisocialxconstruct]

So I've seen this post about recognizing AI fiber art pattern scams a few times, and I think it's really valuable, but something I haven't seen mentioned much at all is that sometimes what you're seeing is not actually a 100% Fake Scam, but often a real product that someone made and photographed and then fed through an AI program to get a "better" version of it. Usually it has the same trademark overly crisp details and saturated colors, visually cluttered but nonsensical backgrounds, and smaller details that may seem wrong or mushy, (and especially with amigurumi, the overly glossy or realistic eyes), BUT with the key difference that they may have multiple equally dubious images of the same item from different angles, with a consistency that isn't really possible when you're just letting the LLM do all the work. I suspect that might actually be the case with the hedgehog in the original post:

Or something like this duck I've seen a couple times:

And I admit my kneejerk reaction to something like that is to assume the artist doesn't have any faith in their own product, or doesn't respect me as a customer enough not to lie to me, but I think more realistically, the most common demographics of fiber arts creators just happen to be people who may not have the specific technical knowledge to create good product photos, but know theirs just don't have the It Factor needed to get sales. Take this person, who at least has the integrity to include their raw photos alongside the edited ones:

Discounting any knowledge or bias you might already have against AI art, which of those would you genuinely be more likely to click on in the endless pages of etsy? I understand why they do it even if I don't agree with it.

My point I guess is just like, don't assume that every single AI image you see in a product listing for things like this is an evil scammer whose only objective is to lie to you and steal your money. Sometimes they are, sometimes they're just well meaning people who don't happen to know how to stage, light, and edit photos better than an app on their phone. It's obviously up to every individual to decide where their threshold is when it comes to supporting or forgiving this kind of thing, but 🤷‍♂️ it's just good to have all the details.

[ritualcaster]

I know we're at totally different spots still but i read the article and it i think i've generally figured out what about me pissed you off so much.

Tone policing is a subsection of ad hominem. I'd like you too reread your posts to see if ur making that mistake too.

And yeah i mean it makes sense for the most part I was aligning with the "usually used by" section especially with how i was talking, and for the record i dont usually talk like that that, i just try to punctuate n stuff when it feels important to me i guess.

Im not trying to dismiss anything at all, I'm trying to help somewhere i felt like i could help. And idk why we aren't clicking rn but just read that sentence like 15 times.

Continuing

Yeah i said the equivalency was wrong right in those parantheses right there, yk what just stop looking at the red text in that image just pretend there is NO text there. I was using sex because i felt like you would get what i meant better, but it seems like it just sparked misunderstanding.

Continuing

Sorry for rexplaining all the stuff you already knew i just thought that that was what you were talking about me not getting. Like i just wanted to say it out loud so that its on record that i know too? Like that's something we are agreed upon.

Continuing

I'm not mad that you can't "transition into intersex" and honestly I highly regret using sex as an example like. At all. You guys are crazy. Sorry.

Honestly I have a pretty lax stance right now on people who would "want to be intersex" (so i can change it if need be) because even after research i just don't really have experience. As an intersex a mean. Like there are a seriously high amount of medical complications, theres all the oppression, all the forced "surgeries" that are an insult to surgery as a concept, nearly complete infertility, and plenty of general pain an unpleasent sensation. so this time I'm asking you a more personal question.

Do you feel like there is anything about being intersex that would make it prefferable to being perisex.

Any positives at all worth metioning? Or would it be better to have the term as something like being disabled. Do you feel like it's just something from birth that just inherrently sucks?

Continuing

I mean this so sincerely i'm honestly just not even sure how to word it, do you just want me to stop? Like replying? I can delete everything right now, or do you think I better serve as an example? If my stances seem to shift or contradict ir just completely change as we keep going back and forth, its because they are, and you changed them. I'm actually trying my damndest to listen and fix my shit man.

I thought you were here because you wanted to change my beliefs, but if you're just here out of anger i'd feel pretty bad.

on this subject, youre the one who knows everything. If youre here to tell me, ill listen, and if you aren't, then? Im not sure why youre still talking to me at all, and id like to hear about that too

I know that i shouldn't correct even tone on subject im unqualified for

I know that being intersex isn't something to be sought after, even for those who are non-bianary

I know that i am a hateful tar pit whos going to hell

And man thats just all the shit i learned in this convo alone so id say im learning plenty already

In case anyone needs a reminder…

Being transgender does not make you intersex.

Going through HRT does not make you intersex. Surgery cannot make you intersex.

Intersex people are born with atypical variations of physical, biological sex characteristics. That is what makes someone intersex.

Perisex trans people (especially on Reddit) have been recently insisting that just being transgender makes you intersex, and therefore able to speak over intersex people on issues that specifically affect us, especially when it comes to dangerous and offensive terminology. This is not true.

Also the idea that you can somehow “make yourself intersex” is untrue. You can make your body more androgynous through things like hormone treatment and surgery, but that does not make you intersex.

Falsely claiming intersex identity based on these things isn’t *always* malicious (though it is often done to speak over us) but it is always harmful.

[wowzees]

no matter what

lando norris x reader

y/n is not used!

a/n: this is a short story from uni- i have to make a collection of them

the one i posted earlier was also one, but these have not recived feedback from my professer or have been majorly edited. enjoy!

High school felt like the longest four years of my life. Days blurred into each other, routines became a way of life, and I thought I had everything figured out. I was one of those kids who had his group of friends, the sport he played, and the classes he took, all laid out in a neat, predictable order. Nothing ever really changed.

And then, there was her.

She’d been there from the start. The girl who wasn’t just a friend,she was something more, though I never said it out loud. We’d grown up together, laughed at the same inside jokes, gotten in trouble for the same stupid things. She knew me better than anyone else, maybe even better than I knew myself. She was the one I could count on for anything. She was the one who could make me laugh on days when nothing felt right. When life got heavy, when there was uncertainty about my future, she was the one I turned to. And I thought that would never change. Or maybe I didn’t think about it at all. Why would I need to? She was always there, like a constant in my life, something I could rely on. But looking back, I see the warning signs. Small things that I chose not to notice. 

At first, it was little things— how she stopped coming to my house after school everyday. How she stopped calling me for big milestones. It’s easy to ignore changes like that. Until they hit you all at once. And then, it was too late.

Without her presence, I started hanging out with the kids from my soccer team more, and more. I told them about all my problems with her. Their solution? They wanted me to prank her. I wanted to fit in. So, I agreed.

Maybe I was too busy with soccer, or maybe I just took her for granted. But somewhere along the way, I stopped seeing her the way I always had. I saw how my actions hurt her. But, somewhere along the way i stopped seeing that. I stopped seeing how my actions hurt her.

But I didn’t think much about it at the time. After all, things had always worked themselves out between us, right? I guess I never thought I’d lose her, guess I thought that she’d always be there.

How wrong I was.

And seeing her now after graduation, getting ready to go to college and saying goodbye to friends for one last time, I can't help but remember a time when things were so much simpler.

Age, 7. Grade, 2

“Lan, wait up” she yelled, peddling her feet. I slowed my bike down and turned to face her. 

“Hurry up! You're being slow.” she peddled faster. Too fast. I watched in slow motion as she rides over a rock, flies through the air as if it’s molasses, then falls in what seems the same way a feather falls through the air. Then promptly crashes into a trashcan, scattering trash all around and on top of her. 

I quickly stopped my bike and ran to her. She was sitting there, covered in trash from the trash can, pouting. As I stood over her, and saw her covered in trash, I almost laughed. “Stop! It’s really not funny” she sniffled, though she now seemed a little happier. 

“I've bin waiting for this to happen” I joke, hoping to make her laugh.

“It's really not that funny” she snorts while giggling.

 “Yeah, well you’re still laughing” I argue. As she struggles to her feet, I realize I should probably help her. As I move to put her arm around my shoulder, she shoves me off. 

“I don't need your help, butthead” she says, crossing her arms and stares at me with her lips pursed. 

“Sorry, man, chill.” I say, not really understanding why she didn't want help. 

“I got worse when I first started playing volleyball, it's just a little scrape on my knee. It’ll heal” 

"Ok "I mumbled, feeling a little stupid.

As we walked home, we talked about silly things, like how funny she looked covered in trash, or about the people we didn't like at school. Before we parted ways, she threw her arms around me and pressed a quick, fleeting kiss that was gone as soon as it started to my cheek. “Bye Lando! I'll see you tomorrow at school!” she said over her shoulder as she ran home.

“Bye” I yell, after she had already disappeared into the house, my cheeks still red.

She had always been brave in her own way. Whether it was running into a trash can then getting back up with a skinned knee and no tears, or hiding her fears behind that stubborn smile of hers, she never changed. She was always the same, brave girl I had known since I was a kid. I wish I had known then how much that bravery would change the course of our friendship.

Age, 12  Grade 7.

The ferris wheel creaked more and more the higher up it went, carrying us higher, and higher into the night sky. Below we could see the rest of the fair, all the people enjoying themselves just like we are.

Her posture was slumped, and she was practically shaking on the little metal bench that lines the side of the carriage.

“Are you scared?” I ask. This wasn't a very normal occurrence, and I was honestly a little surprised. 

“What? Me? No! Of course not. I don't get scared” she responded, her voice shaky, and honestly not very convincing. 

“Hey, it's okay if you are scared. We all have things we are scared of; it doesn't make you weak.” I say in a soft tone, understanding when to tease and when to be comforting. 

“I'm not scared.”

“Yeah? Good, me neither. Honestly, it's really nice.”

“Nice?”

“Yeah. It’s really nice being up here.”

“I guess it is pretty nice.”

“It's really pretty,” I say with a sigh.

“It is,” she responds with an airy voice.

Little did I know that while I was staring at the sky, she was looking at me.

Ever since that night on the ferris wheel, I had developed a liking for stars. She learned more about stars for me, though I didn't know that then. I thought it was just a coincidence, not something carefully planned. Ever since then, we would spend nights under the stars together, gazing upwards.

Age, 15. Grade 9.

“And that one’s named Altair” she said, pointing up at the brightest star in the sky.

“How do you know this?” I ask while chuckling.

“I learned it when I was in 8th grade for my science fair project. I won.”

“I know, you’ve only told me like a million times.”

“I have not!”

“Uh, yes you have.”

“Excuse yo- wow, it's like, really cold.”

“Here,” I say, shrugging my sweatshirt off. “Take it.”

“No, it's fine really. I don't need it, I’m fine.”

“If you don't take it, I’m actually gonna go insane!”

“Fine” she huffed, sticking her tongue out at me. “Thank you.” she mumbled.

“You're welcome.”

“Lando?”

“Yeah?”

“We'll always be best friends, right?”

“Of course we will. No matter what.”

“No matter what.”

Back then, No matter what seemed like an easy promise to keep. Before our future became closer and closer, before I found out she would be going to Yale. No matter what seemed like an easy promise to keep under the soft lighting of the stars, but under the fluorescent lights in the highschool hallways, and the pressure from the guys, the promise broke apart. 

“Hey Lan!” she exclaims, coming up to me “Hey,” I respond. “Where are your glasses?” I ask. She has always loved her glasses. She always said it gave her more personality, though I disagree. She has plenty of personality already. 

“Oh, I just switched to contacts for volleyball! It's too impractical to have to play without being able to see, ya know? Do you like them?” I actually think that she looks stunning with or without glasses, but since my friends from the soccer team are with me, I just say 

“ I dunno man, it kinda makes your eyes look too close together.” I feel absolutely terrible as I practically see her deflate. Her normally radiant smile disappears, her shoulders begin to tremble, and her eyes go glassy. At first, she didn't say anything. I could practically see her brain thinking of ways to respond. She was trying to act relaxed about it, but I knew her well. She doesn't do relaxed about these types of things.

 I hear the boys snickering from behind me, making stupid comments about how “he is so right” and “how can she not see that herself?” and “why does she talk so much?”. I'm actually about to turn around and tell them to shut up, and that I am the only one allowed to tease her like that, but before I can, she says something.

“Oh. Well, uh, I should be going to class. I'll see you later, Lando,” she mumbles. Her normally confident posture seemed impossibly timid and shy. Her posture didn't say ‘see you later’.  It said ‘leave me alone’.

While she walked down the hallway, the only thing I could focus on was the fact that she didn't call me Lan .

The next few days, I tried finding her, though she kept on avoiding me. Finally, I found her sitting outside at the tables, eating her lunch alone.

“Hey” I greet softly, sitting down at the table outside. 

“What do you want?” she responded, her tone sharp. She was wearing her glasses again.

“I wanted to apologize for what I said on Tuesday.” I say, barely audible.

“If you're going to say something, say it louder.”

“I wanted to apologize for what I said.” 

“Do you? Do you really? Or is this just another sick prank you and your friends are playing on me, huh? I stood there and took it in tenth grade, when you made fun of my brother, who, by the way looks up to you, in the cafeteria. I stood there and took it in eleventh grade when you texted everyone from my phone things that I would never, ever say about someone and especially TO someone, posted things on instagram that I would NEVER post, and then humiliated me by making me think that you were seriously hurt, then jump up and say “it's a prank” after i started crying? I even stood there and took it when you told me that my eyes were too close together! The one thing you know I'm insecure about, and you make fun of it? You’ve changed Lando! You and your stupid friends have made high school horrible for me! And even though you've been rude, and you've been mean, and you've in general been a nightmare to be around, I'm still in love with you, and I have been for the last 10 years! And I'm done with this! I will not, will not sit here and let you bully me because I’m your ‘best friend’! I stayed your friend because I thought you would notice me! I thought you would realize, but you didn't! And I’m done waiting, okay? I’m done. Bye, Lando.”

By now, she was crying. Before I could respond to her and apologize, I hear laughing and jeering coming from behind me. I turn around and march over to where the boys are standing. They chuckle upon seeing me, and I absolutely lose it.

“Are you guys actually stupid? You made me lose the most important thing in my life, because you ‘thought it would be funny’? She is worth more than you guys will ever be. She was a better friend, a better athlete, but most importantly, a better person than you guys! I’m done with y’all.” 

I turn back to where she was standing, but she's not there anymore.

The next few days, I look for her. I see her a couple of times, but she always manages to avoid me. 

One night, as I’m packing for college, I hear someone knocking on the front door.

I run down the stairs, thinking it’s the pizza I ordered for me and my sister, but it’s not. It’s her.

“Uhm, I just wanted to return this.” she says, handing me my sweatshirt that i gave to her 3 years ago. “I just thought I should return it before I leave for Yale.”

“When do you leave?” I ask, fearing the answer.

“Tomorrow.” 

The second I hear that word, my world stops. I hazily thank her for bringing the sweatshirt back, then slam the door. I vaguely remember stumbling up the stairs, and sitting down on my bed, my mind running a thousand miles a minute.

 I’m going to have to live without the person who was there for me at every problem, at every bad game, at every milestone in my life, and I lost her because of my own mistakes. I lost her because I let those stupid kids influence my decisions. I lost her because I didn't know how to communicate my feelings. And now, I’ll never get her back.

I was right. I never got her back. And deep down inside, I knew I was never going to get her back. I knew this when I met Emma. I knew this when I proposed to Emma. I knew this when I invited her to our wedding. But that truly, did not prepare me for when I saw her.

“And do you, Lando Norris, take Emma Sand to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish till death do you part? ” asked the priest, his voice echoing through the church that held all of our friends and loved ones. 

“ I do.” 

And then, out of the corner of my eye, I see her, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. After years of knowing her,  I could almost hear her thinking ‘that should have been me.’

And I feel horrible and disgusting and gross thinking this on my wedding day, but I'm inclined to agree. It should have been her. And it would have been, if not for my own stupidity.

And seeing her, brought me right back to all those years ago. And made me wonder; what happened to ‘no matter what.’