#this is exactly how I feel rn
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#this is exactly how I feel rn#YES DIN IS BRAVE AND YES HE LOVES HIS FRIENDS AND YES HE HAS A SON!!!!!!!!#HIS SON!!!!!!!!!!!!#din djarin#din grogu#grogu#the mandalorian
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moodboard
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me when i- when we- me when-
‘Two Women Kissing in Nature,’ an illustration from ‘Le Poison Des Pierreries’ by Georges-Antoine Rochegrosse, 1903
#sapphic#sapphic art#wlw#the yearning#the longing#this is exactly how i feel rn#shes at work rn and i miss her so much
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we're so over 😔
(i still believe hell be back)
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Some sketches I did to try to get a feel for what I want my Rook to look like 🤔
#I'll probably have to change the hair tbh#I haven't seen hair quite like this in the cc videos#the one dreadlocks+half bun hairstyle I saw wasn't quite the right vibe?? too short tbh#and lacking some shape#I just hope someone mods bg3 hairstyles into the game......... I had this one specific bg3 hair mod in mind while I was drawing her#but I'd settle for any long dreadlocks hairstyle tbh 😔#ironically I think I'll end up going for the short one in game 🫠 I feel like the shape of it fits the vibe I'm going for with her#which is like. kind of edgy fjdjjfjf very angular#can you tell I'm eyeing the antivan crow background for my 1rst playthrough........#sketch tag#dragon age#datv#sleepyscribble#I love her face. I definitely want to keep her face exactly like this#I'm only unsure about the scar and the makeup#I was thinking something like a lightning scar on the side of her face#which I could use to come up with something for her backstory later(trauma <3)#story wise I have a general idea of where I want to go with her but it's very like. just vibes rn#I'm thinking of going for angst with 'taken into the crows as a kid + being a crow is a huge part of who she is'#and 'being a crow is something she might want to stop being. but she can't. because she doesn't know how to be anything else'#I started thinking abt that while reading through the backgrounds and I thought yeowch. I have to go with crow now#but other than that I'm also looking forward to playing mostly purple rook so nfncnncncm she'll be an absolute disaster#also in my head her name is renata and her voice sounds a bit like josephine's
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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no way my bestie just made me the best bday gift ever. that's my little fucked up the great old one warlock and she's never been more gorgeous
#your most normal ex sshamath citizen with the most normal lurking patron and a tadpole in her head yeah that's her! but most importantly#have you ever seen a painting that belongs to an art gallery and then realized it's the one with your oc. that's exactly how i feel rn#oc: yibern#also known as yuri tax evader among my friends. i just can't help but mention it#bg3
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Nobody understands Kingdom Hearts that well cause everybody compares it to shonen anime when it's actually a magical girl anime because it has:
-A protagonist who is an ordinary lad who got given a special power that could save the universe
Teammates that the protagonist can lean on and who help the protagonist with said special power
A love interest heavily involved in the plot that both motivates the protagonist and is motivated by the protagonist
A monster of the week format that has its own standalone conflict that eventually leads to the next major plot point in the story
Overarching themes about love and friendships and connections and identity
#kingdom hearts#kh#i haven't stopped thinking about this#it literally started with recoded#and how recoded is basically the first arc in sailor moon ghjkdfshfds#and then i realized that it literally applies to the whole series#oh ye and let's not forget that kairi is the protag's bestie who gets caught up in the monster of the week conflicts#kingdom hearts is a shoujo#this is exactly why nobody understands#god i feel so big blained for this#nomura pls just tell me you've watched magical girl anime cause it's all right there#i feel so smart rn stg lmao
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we haven't seen a dorian and orym who've confessed their feelings and have openly talked about how much they love and care about each other on the battlefield yet, dorian whose never felt this kind of love before but knows he has to protect it and orym who Has felt this kind of love before and has had it ripped away from him and is gonna do everything he possibly can to never have that love taken from him again and will hold onto it with a white knuckled grip
#*#critical role#dorym#ignoring the possibility of death rn btw I DONT WANNA HEAR IT#at least not right at this moment 😭#i need to pick apart liam's brain to know exactly how orym feels about falling in love again#like this must be so exciting and thrilling and scary and anxious esp going into this fight knowing he could lose someone he loves Again#and dorian feeling a million things at once bc this is the first time he's ever felt like this and he doesn't quite know what to do or say#but he knows he needs to keep this person safe and alive and healthy and the absolute madness he must be feeling
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saw a post in the corporate clash tag that caused me to black out and make this
#toontown#corporate clash#ttcc#misty monsoon#rainmaker#misty is not even remotely closed to being a character like vriska but the discourse surrounding her is exactly the same n its crazy#misty is a rly fun character that is done dirty by the uninteresting format of toontasks inherented from toontown online#she has so much potential tbh but we just don't have enough content of her in game to rly matter#as far it is rn she's just a very awkwardly placed plot point cuz you dont rly know how to actually feel about her#barnacle bessie tried to rip her to shreds and its you're almost made to feel bad for misty cuz of it#but like she's still actively involved in a mega corporation trying to take over and pollute bessie's home#how can u blame her for that reaction#basically all im sayin is that misty could be so good but rn she's confined to a singular kinda awkward fight at the end of BB kudos#so maybe in the future she'll be a rly good part of the plotline of clash who knows#idk why i felt the need to rant in the tags sorry my autism
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What are your headcanons about Marcille's mom if you have any? It's interesting that what drew Donato to her was cause she lived the history he studied, or that was said somewhere at least. She must've had an interesting life.
so this was going to be just a normal answer but then I realized I have a Lot of Things To Say. so here goes, a compilation of what we know for a fact from the canon, what I've extrapolated from the visual cues and details, and my theories based on all of that.
Things we know for a fact about Marcille's mother because they were explicitly stated in the manga and supplemental materials:
She was a court mage for a Tall-man kingdom at the southern part of the Northern Continent
Donato, a court historian, fell in love with her because she had lived through the history he was studying, and he courted her for 17 years (age 15 to 32) before getting married
She was a cheerful person who rarely showed extreme emotion and took things as they came
She always cooked a huge meal for Marcille on her birthdays
She remarried a gnome after Donato's death and a short distance away from Marcille's childhood home
Pipi, Marcille's pet bird, was actually older than Marcille and originally belonged to her mother (bird died at 62)
She was extremely heartbroken when Donato died and ultimately ended up instilling a deep fear of mortality in Marcille with her words
the only time she showed extreme emotion in front of her family was when Donato could no longer eat his favourite dish near the end of his life.
She scolded Marcille for being cruel to ants (implying she can have a stern side when needed)
Things that are explicitly shown but mostly through visual cues
She has a very distinctive style of dress always involving a ribbon choker (mirroring Marcille's habit of always wearing a matching choker with any of her outfits that don't cover her neck)
She was almost stereotypically good at housekeeping and traditionally "wifely" things (very frequently depicted wearing an apron or doing some domestic chore when not at work, seems to have been an avid cook).
She knits? (also, note the affectionate smile as she's looking at Donato and Marcille reading a book together in the full panel)
She was as excited for Marcille's milestones as Donato was.
She didn't tell Marcille much about elven food
(there are a couple things that this panel in particular implies:
She lived a good deal of her life (if not being born and raised) in a mainly elven country in the West, implied by her knowing enough of an elven region's cuisine to prefer Tall-man food over it
seems to have a pretty carefree and casual demeanour overall, if this is how she replied to Marcille asking her about it (sounds like she never gave her culinary preferences that much thought to begin with)
slightly related to number 2, it seems like she and Marcille had a fairly casual parent-child dynamic (especially in comparison to the Toudens' memory of their father)
(local elf tastes Italian food once and never goes back))
However, she seems a lot more... serious in most of the other times we see her? Almost like the very stereotypical archetype of a graceful elf.
Subsequent conclusions about her personality:
Usually pretty carefree and cheerful at home, has been a loving and attentive parent throughout Marcille's childhood (while not being so doting that she didn't discipline Marcille).
Slightly more conjectural theories on her personality:
Had a much more graceful and professional personality at work, which would explain the more serious portraits we see of her.
Given that both she and Donato had positions at the royal court, it seems a little odd that she'd go out of her way to do all the housework herself, so maybe she just enjoyed doing it?
Now taping all the evidence together and toeing the line between analysis and fanfiction:
It's clear that she loved Donato very much and was utterly devastated by losing him. But there's one thing that really stuck out to me in what little we see of her:
Doesn't she seem... angry? The way she's gritting her teeth, clutching the tablecloth, and how this is the first and only time we see her eyes opened that wide. In the following panel, you see her being quiet and dejected after her initial outburst. She's still crying very intensely, but her brows are furrowed, and she's not really responding to Donato's affection in her body language.
We're not told the details of how she felt about losing Donato other than that it upset her. But this, to me, implies that she was angry and resented that he was aging, that the end of his life was approaching. An "it's not fair" type of preemptive grief. And if this was the first and last time she cried like this in front of her family, she was either very good at coping in private... or very bad at letting herself feel unpleasant emotions until they become unavoidable and end up overwhelming her.
It's not too remarkable a detail on the surface. It's even reminiscent of what the audience has seen of Marcille. But... when it comes to the big picture, you'd think an elf who voluntarily chose to marry a tall-man and have a half-elf child would have been better prepared for this.
It kind of recontextualizes her cheerfulness to me.
"I'm sure everything's gonna be okay!" (or some variation thereof, depending on what translation you have).
And this is stated to contrast her extreme grief when finally confronting Donato's failing body and eventual death. But I'm wondering if... maybe this optimism was why she was so upset. What if she went into all of it thinking "everything's gonna be okay"? What if she was a little young by elven standards, and just followed her heart thinking that her own resilience would get her through anything?
Of course, only to get completely overwhelmed when she actually loses Donato. She turns into a completely different person. And that's heartbreaking on its own-- but what the audience sees is the effect it had on Marcille. Can you imagine being her, watching your invincible and upbeat mother suddenly lose all the light in her eyes in one go?
I've already made a huge post about how I think Marcille models her "work persona" off her mother, but another thing that stuck with me as I was looking for more details in the manga was this:
copy pasting from the other post i made about it lmao it's like... the second she resigns herself to lifelong pain and terror, there's another portrait of her mother facing her like this. with their heads bowed, in mirrored body language of resignation and despair and sorrow. Except it's posed like Marcille is still looking at her mother but her mother is looking away.
It took me a second to realize, but I think that it's a visual metaphor for the fact that Marcille's mother was the only long-lived role model she had-- and she failed to model healthy grief for her daughter. I don't say this as an accusation or to disparage her as a character, but just as a matter of fact. In her, Marcille was seeing herself older and losing a short-lived spouse or loved one of her own, and all she saw was hopelessness.
But her mother didn't mean to instill hopelessness and terror in her. She wasn't really thinking of how it would truly affect Marcille at all (at least, that's how I'm interpreting her looking down and away from Marcille in the metaphor), she was just sad. And she, in her own way, was trying to protect her daughter and help her prepare for future losses.
What she meant was "loss is inevitable, and you have to learn how to be in pain but live on anyway." What Marcille heard was "loss is inevitable, and you will be scared and hurt for the rest of your life."
Again. Marcille's mother doesn't feature explicitly in the story the way her father does -- but in so many ways, her shadow, her silhouette, her reflection is always hanging over Marcille.
All that to say... headcanon-wise (everything from here on is 100% without evidence lmao), I'd like to think that she matured and realized that she failed Marcille. I imagine her being regretful about it, wanting a chance to fix it but never finding a way to insert herself back into Marcille's life when Marcille is so so so busy becoming the most accomplished mage possible. I imagine her being herself again, now, so many years after her loss and after remarrying -- but with her cheerfulness tempered with a lot more wisdom and the pain of having gone through loss like that. I think the second Marcille actually tells her what happened in the dungeon, she'd want to go running to her daughter again -- if Marcille tells her the full truth instead of just being embarrassed she let things get that far. (oh, the tragedy of her wanting to be more like her mother and an accomplished adult who doesn't need to be babied... being embarrassed to actually tell her mother how much she fucked up...)
There's also the tension of her having remarried -- I know that there's at least a little bit of resentment that Marcille harbours about that, because she's childish like that at heart even if she makes an effort not to externalize it. I think that her mother would be aware of that, potentially adding to her sense of guilt and apprehension at trying to reappear/intrude on Marcille's life. I honestly don't think Marcille has met her stepfather -- or even considers him a stepfather rather than "mama's new husband" and kind of a total stranger. I think she and her mother actively don't talk about it in their correspondence, like an elephant in the room.
but, ultimately, I think her mother is on her side no matter what. Ancient magic? Dark necromancy? Sure, she'll feel guilty and like she was partially responsible for setting Marcille down such a painful path, but she wouldn't care. that's her daughter!! she would've moved back west and been petitioning for her at the court, buying a house right next to the Canaries barracks and visiting her every day that she wasn't on a mission. And if her husband had opinions on Marcille becoming a "dark arts user," he either gets over it or it's divorce with him. Yes, she might have had her optimism completely humbled by losing Donato like that -- but she's still headstrong and self-assured and she doesn't care what people think of her. It's her way or the highway and she's always going to be in Marcille's corner.
(She also needs a name lol. I went with Juno, just to be cute about "Marcille"s closest real life equivalent being Marcella, which is the female version of Marcellus, which in turn is a diminutive of Marcus, which was derived from Mars. Absolutely in love with Marcille potentially being named after Ares/Mars the fucking god of war btw)
#asks#she could easily be interpreted as distant or neglectful after Donato's death too#with how little involvement she has in Marcille's life/the fact that Marcille doesn't even mention her when talking about her life prospect#and that's fair! I will argue to hell and back that she was a loving parent when Donato was alive#but there's nothing that suggests she remained a loving parent afterwards#I just think that like... parental relationships are so complicated in dungeon meshi#you cannot deny that the toudens' mother loved them dearly but that she failed them both miserably as a parent#and i think it'd be more compelling if Marcille's mother was a little like that too#not a totally and easily dismissable deadbeat#but someone who truly loves her daughter but was only human herself and couldn't be what Marcille needed at a crucial moment#and regrets it deeply#and that the distance between them is mutually self-imposed by complicated feelings of guilt and fear#and a little resentment from Marcille's side that she hasn't really properly processed#I don't know if I'll ever get around to writing it but i had this idea where Marcille does finally spill the beans to her mom and she just#immediately arrives in Melini#and its awkward for a bit but they do finally have a heart to heart and air it all out#and marcille starts freaking out that her marriage is rocky rn bc her new husband wants her to distance herself from marcille#on account of the crimes and all#marcille's like no you can't blow up your marriage for me and her mother just shuts that shit down#'you didn't choose to be born. i was the one who made that choice for you'#'i brought you into this world and i'll be damned if i don't take responsibility for that the entire way'#'you are entitled to *nothing less* than my unconditional love.'#and obviously that's not a sentiment that's exactly healthy as a universal statement about parenthood#but i think its what her mother would believe and what marcille needs to hear#and dungeon meshi does such a fantastic job at just... letting imperfect things just *be* without having to justify it immediately#it expects the audience to do their own critical thinking#and know that its not trying to make sweeping universal statements in every instance#marcilleposting#marcille donato#junoposting
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so im doing my psychology project about how psych connects to movies and tv. its supposed to be 5-7 minutes. ive only done four points and ITS ALREADY AT FIVE MINUTES. I WAS GOING TO ADD MOVIR CLIPS TOO BUT I DONT THINK I HAVE TIME. I STILL HAVE LIKE FORTY POINTS I WANT TO TALK ABOUT BUT I LITERALLY WONT HAVE THE TIME. my teacher is literally feeding into my fixations and this will be a special interst dump the whole time. like im alreay at 737 WORDS FOR MY SCRIPT WITH FOUR SECTIONS. i could talk about this stuff for hours and i need way more than seven minutes. im literally feel insane rn and my abed is so coming out rn. like this is me right here ⬇️
#im truly harnessing the power of abed#i feel exactly how he felt about nicolas cage rn#abed nadir#athens rambles#community#communtiy nbc#community nbc#nbc community#community tv#community show
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what a beautiful scream into the void, thank you
#also this is exactly how I feel rn#glad you can relate anon lol#ask#anonymous#the hellsite answers#scream into the void#hellsite hall of fame curator’s bullshit
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[24.04.06] @ columbus blue jackets
tk slams the bench door in frustration (but also has to push it fully closed afterwards)
#travis konecny#scott laughton#ryan poehling#philadelphia flyers#flyers#flyers hockey#gif#this is also exactly how i feel rn
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Colour practice
#cant think of a title rn T.T#ive decided if i cant get used to colouring digitally ill just try to colour it like how I'd do it if i coloures this traditionally#not exactly replicating the colour pencil feel#still trying to find the right brush#how to render grass help#danganronpa v3#shuichi saihara#kokichi oma#kokichi ouma#my art#ndrv3#saiouma#ugh i had to draw all this with my finger too lost my stylus pen ToT#its been a month mango how did you lose it
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