#this is entirely unrelated just an autistic ramble

[technomanceer]

Realized I never fucking . Posted this when I made it ... machine gun kiss cooldown

[trollocs-ooc]

Somwtimes theres like things that people treat as Essential like "everybody has seen it" like pop culture shit. Most of which has completely passed by me and i never watched or read. Like HP movies, SW movies, LOTR movies etc. We had to read the first HP book and LOTR book in primary school but i never finished those either because fuck no. And thats wild like i get literally all of my knowledge of these "essential" things from them being referenced and nothing else. And i wonder sometimes if someone saw something of mine and thought Oh They Got It From Here and i assure you i did not get it from there . I absolutely did not get it from there i am uncultured in those sorts of things

[henrysglock]

another thing which is more fandom related is that the Byler fandom is just insanely annoying at times. like i love my mutuals and some of the theories and all but idk, the way we have so many stupid arguments abt small things (think this is just a problem with the entire ST fandom but i’ve not really interacted with the other sects closely enough to see those), the way alotta Bylers don’t just ship Byler bcz they like it/dislike Mlvn bcz they don’t + to us it doesn’t work but are absolutely obsessed with hating Mlvn to a stupid degree. i’ve seen alotta ppl (rightfully) clown on Mlvns for saying that all Bylers r ableist misogynists who hate El from the bottom of our hearts and specifically don’t think autistic/ND ppl can do anything and women are the devil or whatever but then turn around and say all Mlvns r homophobes who hate Will for being gay and hate Mike bcz they misunderstand his character and want him to be miserable or whatever as if that’s any better, and then there’s how so many ppl just tag any post they make as “byler”, ranging from yk, actual posts abt the ship to posts abt the fandom/nothing posts abt the cast to random unrelated ST posts that they idk don’t want those horrible evil mildew shippers finding to shit that’s entirely unrelated to Byler/ST (honest to god a few months ago i was scrolling the tag and had to block someone bcz they were clogging the tag with their random life updates) and yeah idk i’m not sure if this is exactly an unpopular opinion since we all talk a lot abt how toxic the fandom is but idk i feel like no one talks abt the over the top Mlvn hate and the annoying mistagging (at least from what i’ve seen) (also sorry this is kinda long TwT)

"...the Byler fandom is just insanely annoying." Full stop. Bylerblr gets on my nerves day in and day out, even though I made my best friends in that mess.

It's the way bylerblr starts shit and then plays victim for me. It's the vaguing people and then acting like they're being attacked when that person responds for me. IT'S THE TAGGING UNRELATED SHIT AS BYLER FOR ME!! YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!! And yeah tbh...the mileven hate does get Extensive at times. There's disliking a ship, and then there's devoting your time to antagonizing shippers...like a loser. Atp bylerblr's not much better than the milevens are. Bylerblr is just a different flavor.

The fandom in general is gross no matter where you go, and honestly I'm glad I've detached from it to work on my own analysis niche.

(Also please don't worry about it being long, I love rambling and ranting about shit like this because it annoys me to no fucking end.)

Send me unpopular opinions!

[bokipop]

the maka ramble i mentioned because im still autistic

ok so im rewatching as i speak and like skipping through to find the evidence for my claims so claims will be in order of when they come to me

lesbian maka is canon because near the end of the first episode she's literally screaming about how she hates men and wishes they all would just die. i can literally never see maka in a relationship with a man other than MAYBE soul (DISCLAIMER i DO NOT ship soma i will die on the hill of qpp soul and maka) but thats only because she literally says as she's screaming about killing men that soul was the only man she ever decided to trust (this is a whole other segment that i may or may not discuss in this rant)

can we talk about the skill maka demonstrates when she's fighting with soul. she's what. 14? and she fights with aura of years of experience. like soul's pretty much just along for the ride it's maka who's doing all of the actual fighting 90% of the time (10% when soul's being a self sacrificing dipshit and jumps in front of a hit meant for her)

can we talk about how in uhhh episode 4 when they're fighting sid and sid like attacks maka with his gravestone and she says "people need fear to survive, we experience it so we can grow stronger" LORD DEATH IS SO RIGHT WITH THE COMMENT "if she wasn't afraid in this situation id call that reckless, but maka has the courage to fight in spite of her fear"

i saw a tumblr post about it but unrelated why does dtk say "my father's school is exactly like i expected" as if he hasn't been there before

also unrelated but BLAIR IS MY BIGGEST OPP SHE'S LITERALLY A PEDO I HATE HERRRRR

anyways can we also talk about how maka and soul did soul resonance without any warmup or discussion before hand it was just "hey lets do it" "ok" i mean yeah they missed the hit but they still did the skill

jumping wayy forward to the crona vs maka underground fight in ep20 can we talk about even just maka's intuition alone. like she had the vaguest hint of whatever she detected in crona's soul and decided to go full blast with it. adding onto that can we talk about her compassion and empathy? like it takes a truly good person to do what she did for crona and she did it without the expectation of anything in return she simply wanted to help them. she has such a strong and admirable moral compass i think i said this before but she's literally one of my biggest inspirations ever

i'd talk about the last episodes where maka goes inside soul's. soul. and saves him from the black blood but i dont feel like rewatching that entire episode right now and i've only seen that specific episode like twice so i cant do it from memory

but on the topic of soul and maka can we talk about their incredibly intricate bond. their trust in eachother is out of this fucking world liek if you asked either one of them "if x asked you to jump off of a bridge with them would you do it" they'd say yes without hesitation or second thought. they care so much for one another and i love how the writers of soul eater portrayed it without it being inherently romantic. i love male female duos who ARENT in love. have i mentioned how i'd die on the hill of qpp soma. THEY'RE QPPS YOUR HONOR. i had something very specific to say about this and then forgot. it'll probably come back to me later. its later as i type this specific sentence and it still hasn't come back to me so i'll probably end this post here. stay tuned for more i think i have more in me

[fluffyhellspawn]

Character Rambles: Sin.

Aside from the fact that Sin is canonically a masking autistic, I feel like the moment someone mentions boats or the clock-tower in the capital, he IMMEDIATELY goes on some unprompted rant about how it works, why it works, and the impact it has. Usually he's pretty quiet and a keep-to-himself sort of person. But the moment that special interest even gets MENTIONED? Yeah he won't shut up for the next few minutes. On-top of that, I feel like not many people have actually seen him do this. Aside from Soren (his dad), Maxwell and Shardé, are the people who are MOST around him, I like to think they knew he was Neurodivergent way before he knew. Like, maybe as a kid they all saw him have some sort of meltdown over something as minor as him not liking how his shirt felt or something- just little traits like that which added up over time. He also doesn't stim a lot- or, so he thinks. Sin can sometimes be seen either swaying from side to side or following different lights around the room or area he's in. He also has this one strand of hair that he always needs out of his hair-tie so he can mess with it- which is one of the many canon reasons why his hair is usually so messy when it's up. Entirely unrelated: Sin would absolutely love skittles bro. no its not me calling him gay i think he'd just like the weird little shapes they sometimes come in and would spend a while ordering them in size. I don't ramble about my characters on text-posts like this a lot, so this was a nice switch-up on my blog :) Maybe I'll do more rambles in the future, if anyone reqs anything. also me self projecting my own very autistic tendancies onto some of my characters. woo.

[charmanderxerneas]

(going to be tagging this as ruin spoilers but please dont comment any spoilers because we're not actually done with all the game. We've gotten 2/3 endings and are working towards the secret ending where you have to find hidden cameras while also replaying and seeking out the secrets we missed. This is seriously just insane ramblings aimed at no one i just need to get my thoughts out and suggest u scroll past.)

I seriously like. Am struggling to figure out the whole plot of ruin in an analytical story timeline sense. No i do not read or care about fan theories, i interpret the game and the lore by playing it and looking at all the clues myself thank you very much, so my interpretation of the lore is. different from most fans (you have to consider: very autistic, fnaf a Huge special interest for me. So when i analyze lore, i analyze as much as i can, every single secret. And i feel like a lot of people Miss main lore secret plot points. Im not trying to be a contraian, id love for the fans to have good theories. But like 70% of the time they dont. Or theyre dumb lil kids who blindly listens to mat pat)

my interpretation of sb is different from most fans and theories (mostly because I actually take help wanted and ar into account and can like. Use my brain to understand the differences between the vanessas (there are two. The murderer vanny, who we play as in help wanted, is referred to in ar, and is the one in the therapist tapes) and vanessa the nightguard, who's COMPLETELY unrelated and just an innocent nightguard who happens to have the same name and face as vanessa murderer (though it is also possible to me that like. Murderer vanessa chose to try to look more like nightguard vanessa in an attempt to shift the blame of her crimes, but we dont know this for sure.)and i dont think the therapist tapes are two different people because thats STUPID and it obviously is murderer vanessa (people just. Cannot possibly understand that a person being possessed by an entirely different entity might have changes in her prrsonality. Or that a person with anxiety might have something similar to selective mutism or at the VERY least: troubles speaking because of said murderer in her brain)

ANYWAYS THATS A HUGE ASS TANGENT. MY MAIN THOUGHTS AS OF PLAYING RUIN RN (Please dont spoil things for me im not completely done) is that mainly: i dont know who is speaking to us or who mimic is.

There may be two different people communicating with us with the vanni network (as evidenced by helpi changing eye colors and how like. Some of the motives seem conflicting?) Initially i was like "oh its glitchtrap or williams spirit or something." But that doesnt make any sense because glitchtrap gets Trapped and is worked against.

Even tho that was my first thought: i dont think mimic is burntrap, or william, or glitchtrap. But i dont know what it is, because there are no other obvious characters that it could be in mind (tho since its michaels old fnaf 6 restaurant theyre in, and we saw the blob down there, god knows it could be any number of old ass animatronics or spirits)

Another very fuckin obvious thought is: hey where the fuck is vanny. With the whole mask mechanic, the plot revolving around glitchtrap, ect, you THINK we'd see her st least once. And though she has a cameo in the bad ending which is clearly a vision/fantasy/trick, she doesnt actually appear. The INSTANT That we started this game i speculated: is she talking through helpi? The yellow eyes reminded me of an early sb teaser artwork where we see a close up of a vanessas face with striking, yellow eyes, and i was never sure the significance of that... But i dont think its related at all, as mimic seems to be the one speaking when helpi has yellow eyes. Is mimic related to vanny somehow? I wouldnt assume so.

Whats weird about vanny not being there is it makes it seem like shes not carrying out glitchtraps bidding, which is odd. Dont y'all come at me with that "Gregory helped her!" Crap, the burntrap ending is the canon ending so that never happened. It makes sense for her to be against him (shes never really been on her side, shes the RELUCTANT follower. She explicitly does not want to do any of the horrible shit, but shes beinf forved to) but i just. Gahh i cant figure it out

I WILL figure it out just you wait. I will figure out what my interpretation of the lore as so good as soon as I finish the game just you wait

[lanternlightss]

hi hi! for the bingo ask game:

nameless bard, venti, percy, and/or annabeth

(ask game)

OOOOOO the sillies….. let’s see…..

under the cut, as the rambles got a tad bit long XD

nameless bard -

….honestly not even half surprised there’s a bingo, this guy has lived in my head completely rent free for two years XD.

BUT. onto a bit of character dissection: truly and fully believe there is blood on his hands. sometimes he lays awake, feeling guilty, over whether or not a death was warranted or needed. sometimes he wonders how he could’ve made it more painful. it’s about the Duality. someone who would willingly raze down an entire city, but is also currently in the process of dancing with his little wisp friend.

however, on the other hand, he is just. he feels like a cringefail guy. the type of dude who would hit himself in the face trying to spin his weapon in a cool way. he would be the biggest dork <3. (also if you removed his cloak and unbraided him, he would look like a wet cat.) (so would venti—)

i just!!! think he would be going through it almost 24/7… not to bring up the old mond—cecilia connection/metaphor once more, but, if you put him in today’s mondstadt, he would struggle so much!!! constantly alert and looking for exits or the quickest way to take someone down, always on the watch for potential foes or friends, losing sleep over countless what-ifs and “is this real?”

(also adore anger being a big part of him. he is ultimately caring and kind, but there is so much rage towards decarabian, towards their situation……. also gently pushing the bard is a strategist agenda and he would have weekly meetings with timmy agenda. he rambles to venti about every species of bird there is. he has drawings.)

just a guy trying to see the birds fly ……

(the “he would’ve been a better character if handled differently”—so much of mondstadt is centered around him and old mond, yet there is!!! Almost Nothing!!!! On His Character!!!!!

honestly would’ve filled in the fanon is better slot but bard has so little canon. he has so much potential and i am and will forever be shaking the bars of my enclosure over that.

though him not having a name feels very fitting for a mondstadt character, especially one like him, being connected to venti and mondstadt’s history. it’s very <3 that people can chose names for him, based on different things.

on the other. please canon name….

also he and venti are autistic-adhd solidarity—)

percy -

percy….. percy beloved <3

genuinely still getting used to his character, but he is just. he is truly one of the guys ever.

his unwavering loyalty? (to the point that it becomes his fatal flaw?) his unrelenting care and love for the people around him? his anger? his decision to be kind? everything about him???

i am holding him in my palms and gently cradling.

(his desire to keep everyone safe and unharmed is also (mwah) So Much potential there. he wants to keep holding up the sky for everyone. he is so willing to be a shield and i am SHAKING my fists at son of neptune and the river.)

honestly though this guy needs a nap and some therapy, gods above! he has been put through so much (especially after house of hades, all three of them should have a sit down and talk, because holy shit.) he is so tired. he is trying to make it through highschool and graduate. he is trying so desperately to be a Good Kid and everything keeps trying to convince him Not To Be.

genuinely percy should be given the option to go off the shits. he should have a rematch with ares. he should be able to fight hera. hell, he should be able to call zeus a dick to his face, because seriously????? (i am also gesturing wildly to all the times percy got a little bit of bloodlust during fights. he can be unhinged, as a treat.) if percy killed a god i would cheer so loudly and celebrate for weeks because He Deserves It at this point (however he probably won’t because that would harm his loved ones in the process but he very likely has thought of it before.) (beat their asses, young perseus.)

also percy is just. a little head empty sometimes. he is very smart!!! and he also immediately went “Man Those. Cabin. Looks Nice.” when annabeth hugged him XD. honestly adore a big part of his narrations (especially the “i want food :(“ ones. he just wants to live a relatively normal life shsbdndn. rick let him bake with his mom!!!)

(the if he was handled differently is entirely biased and i am shaking HoO specifically by the shoulders. there are so many He Would Not Fucking Say That moments. i just. am Not The Biggest fan of how he was written in HoO, it feels like rick forgot a few parts of his character.

pjo is an absolute <3. seeing percy getting progressively fed up with everything and his struggles, how he refuses to harm any of the opposing demigods….. though if people would tell him things that would be !! lovely. please stop shoving him into the deep end—

again, would’ve filled in the like fanon better slot, but there are many fics + posts calling him stupid or horrifically mischaracterizing him to look like an absolute asshole (he runs his mouth and insults people but good gods he is not?? going to be Like That??) though fanon does a very good job at developing percy’s relationships, i owe all the fics about percy and sally everything.)

[normalaboutcemeraldduo]

Pinned post time babey

Alr so.

You guys can just call me emerald (I’m too lazy to think of a better fake name)

My pronouns are he/it + some others

I love making headcanons. Dude. Please send me headcanon requests for any dsmp character and about any topic.

Some characters and duos that I am especially normal about (<- lies)

C!Technoblade

C!Philza

C!Tubbo

C!Wilbur Soot

C!Eret

C!Georgenotfound

C!Quackity

C!Fundy

C!Tommy

C!Slimecicle

C!Ranboo

C!Niki

C!Emerald duo (Phil and techno)

C!Beeduo (Tubbo and Ranboo)

C!Tnt duo (Wilbur and Quackity)

C!Peer pressure (Techno and Ranboo)

C!Bedrock bros (Tommy and Techno)

C!Clingyduo (Tommy and Tubbo)

C!Bench trio (Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo)

C!Crimeboys (Tommy and Wilbur)

Idk their duo name but puffy and niki

C!Dapduo (Slimecicle and Quackity)

C!Sunshine duo (Techno and Niki)

C!Allium duo (Tommy and Ranboo)

And a LOT more. I have a problem /hj

Tagging system:

Just shitposts that’re unrelated: #emeraldsillyposting

Specifically mutual related posts: #emeralds moots!!

Headcanons: #emeralds headcanons

Dsmp rambles: #emerald rambles

Dsmp analysis: #emerald analysis

Ask box stuff: #emerald asks

I’ll probably add more idk

DNI/DNF/BFYI + other important info under the cut

BFYI:

I ship some of these characters/duos (emerald, tnt, bee, puffy/niki, and dap are really the only ships on here) , I DO NOT SHIP CCS.

I’m a minor (16-18), if you are 18+ you can int but don’t dm me

I’m autistic, and have other neurodivergencies. I will be using tone tags a lot, and I also need tone tags. Please don’t infantilize me because of this

Please please please just don’t send me /neg stuff about anyone unprompted (cc dream is an exception /hj)

This blog is not for discourse or drama at all, it’s just for me to be silly

I do reserve the right to not answer asks

I will just block people without warning.

I’m queer and trans, and will likely talk about it. I also headcanon a lot of characters as queer and trans

DNI/DNF:

Wilbur supporters

If you ship ccs/poppy(blr/twt/whatever)/proshippers

Cc Dream/Dteam fans, stans, and supporters

Under 14 and over 21

Dream smp antis, I don’t want to deal with y’all

People who fake claim ANYONE. I will not tolerate that, you can’t tell if someone’s faking anything from a tumblr post

NSFW blogs, especially about ccs, but also about anything really

Any cc’s who might by chance find this blog /lh, if you do interact idrc but also it feels better if you just Don’t

TERFs. Fuck all the way off. Trans people exist

General dni (homophobia, racism, etc.)

I DO NOT SUPPORT WILBUR SOOT. FUCK HIM AND WE SUPPORT SHELBY HERE. HE CAN PRY C!WILBUR FROM MY COLD FUCKING DEAD HANDS, THAT CHARACTER IS MINE NOW AND NOT HIS.

Note: this entire post is subject to change, please keep that in mind! I will post about it if it does change ^^

[cangrellesteponme]

LITERALLY. I could talk about this for hours.

the giftedness debate cannot be the same here as it is in the US. what americans refer to as a gifted kid is literally just the equivalent (in terms of results in school) of a general high school student with somewhat good (I'm talking... still being around 16 in terminale in a demanding school) marks in here. there is no program. skipping a grade is the most you'll get.

and yes the concept of giftedness is still present, through the profoundly ableist, classist, and racist concept of high intellectual potential (HPI), but... honestly it's literally just a bunch of horseshit. the only tangible aspect of HPI is IQ. and I'm sure I don't need to explain why that's stupid.

what's even stupider is this: the "symptoms" associated with high potential are intense interests, expertise in said interests and disregard for unrelated topics as well as social difficulties, a tendency to feel overwhelmed, and hypersensitivity (emotional or sensory). sound familiar? that's the autism spectrum disorder diagnosis criteria, but dumbed down.

this is what people forget. being part of a gifted program is a real situation in which (often, but definitely not always autistic) US students are, and it tends to affect their life in many ways, including the life-altering state of "gifted kid burnout" (which is, in many cases, just autistic burnout, but giftedness delays diagnoses).

being "gifted" in france is a lie and misdiagnosis that is fully based on the idea that as autism, being a disability, is inherently incompatible with "intelligence" (academic success), there must be a separate thing causing this pattern of brilliant children often having odd behaviours and severe social difficulties. it is nothing but words, bullshit, and a refusal to accommodate a very obvious disability.

there is a common denominator here: children's supposed brilliance leads adults to want to wave their struggles away, and thus many autistic children are not diagnosed with ASD because they are "doing just fine".

but despite this one similarity, it's still simply incomparable. france is LITERAL DECADES BEHIND the US when it comes to autism awareness. that is a fact. the french school system is made to avoid all forms of individualism. that is another fact. the situation of gifted kids in the US is not only different, but something inconceivable in france. if a child is unusual, in whatever way they may be, the french solution is to still put them through the exact same system as everyone else. the american solution is to differentiate (god knows that's not going well because inequality is written into that system's DNA). that leads to entirely different problems for gifted children.

so. uh. yeah.

rambled a lot there can you tell I wrote a master's thesis on autism and teaching and I talked a lot about this because I was "diagnosed" as "gifted" and the french system sucks ass in uniquely dystopian ways when it comes to this specific issue

People taking the the "gifted kid" debate in France as if it was the same as the US always baffle me like. We don't have gifted programs, we just have kids coming from rich white families getting diagnosed with high IQs (based on symptoms and stereotypes and that are not specifically proven scientifically) while brown and or/poor people as assigned to oppositional and stigmatized labels for the same symptoms (MOSTLY. i know its not the same for everyone). Like i'm sorry i'm not gonna act like i know the most about the nuance of other countries but bringing that debate here is exactly like bringing the homeschool debate here... WE BARELY HAVE HOMESCHOOL KIDS.

[ghostickle]

I feel like I want therapy to work I want to be okay but it’s fuckin impossible to get anyone who’s a decent person and understands

[bookwyrminspiration]

5:58 pm, nz time

Yes, more neurodivergent characters needed!! Its fun been figuring out his behaviours, and I think I unconsciously used him for that? Like, a lot of what he does and his though process isn't the most neurotypical but his though tprocess and some of his behaviours are very much like mine, recently I've been looking into the possibility of me having adhd or something else that can affect memory a lot, and just other little things. And yesss, I love the little character corner! I spent most of 2019 + 2020 in there and ignored the world, but recently I've been out of there more often and have felt more comfortable in my own skin!

Oh he enjoys it a lot, until it comes to having to deal with social situations that He Was Not Prepared For. This is unrelated but he has a bit of a nervous stutter, but only when he's nervous/has butterflies in his stomach. Unlike me who has a permanent stutter. And yeah, he's mostly sensitive to noises because he doesn't filter them correctly, like they all just pound into his head all at once and it makes it much harder for him to concentrate on one thing and has to talk louder than usual to actually hear hismelf and that's the only way he can base how loud he's being but then he ends up shouting even when there isn't a need to shout because he just. Doesn't realise. Other than noise, I'd say that the next thing to overwhelm him the most would be texture; Like soups and soft/cooked vegetables and things that pop in your mouth but leave a skin.

Ahhh, yeah I know what you mean with that! Mostly. It doesn't overwhelmed me per say, it just hurts my eyes more than necessary.

Stimming is fun!! I love it!! My favourite is bouncing my legs or going on my top toes if my feet don't hurt. But that's so cool! I don't really have any noise related stims, I can get a bit buggy with all that. The only noises I really like to make is when I'm talking, but I can't really keep up with conversations unless I'm the one speaking and I tend to mix up all of my words and slur them into an indecipherable mess

Probably!! I didn't really realise until now!! And for some reason I didn't read 'bad memory' as forgetful and instead 'Like the truama' and I was literally so confused as I. Still have both my arms. But yeah! Lots of him is projection but another amount is just him, like o don't clap or bounce on the balls off my feet too often- but those are things that he does near daily! But it was nice sharing him with you! I'm glad you think he's interesting and thank you for listening to my rambles about him! And yes he is very much a conundrum.

(I saw the second ask with the sign off, so heathen! hello! I mean, makes sense it's you as I don't think anyone else has Maui as an oc)

Nice! I am answering this as 6:14pm New Mexico time!! (which is mst)

As one of those kids who would read basically anything they could get their hands on, I ended up reading a lot of books with allocishet white neurotypical characters, and that is....like the opposite of everything about me. So now I'm trying to make up for it and find more diverse books, which has been fun but the one area where I haven't found as many are books with neurodivergent characters!! I will admit I haven't looked very hard (trying to work my way out of a 4 year reading slump caused by nd brain shutting down and going on autopilot) but I'd love to read more. My mother recently recommened a series that has an autistic main character, and while it's not perfect (as far as I know never explicitly said and word of god used aspergers, which is terminology I don't like, and I can't figure out if the author is also autistic) I am curious to read it. It's literally the entire reason she recommended it to me. She saw me looking at one of the books in the series (as she'd just bought it) and went "hey I think you'd like this the main character is autistic." All this to say that yes!! more nd characters are very much needed and welcome!

oh and also my therapist recommended a book by an autistic author called...one moment let me check I've forgotten. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. I don't know anything else about it nor have I read it yet, but I plan to when I get the chance.

but back to maui! and i get what you mean. it's super like...relieving? cathartic? to explore yourself and your own behaviors through characters and like separate yourself from it to analyze it. Then again that analysis thing might just be a me thing. I am...very logic oriented. I hope through Maui you can figure out what's going on with the memory things and find ways to assist yourself!! I know that the whole process of looking into things like adhd can seem daunting and like "hmm do i actually need to do this what if I'm making it up" but if you do decide to take it on I wish you the best of luck!!

And I'm glad you feel more comfortable in your own skin!! Also same!! Turns out when you dress like yourself and act like yourself you feel better about yourself. Which may seem obvious to others but also I am a little stupid sometimes (this is said with complete affection and no negativity). This reminds me I've actually been meaning to order a few things but also I'm going to forget as soon as I answer this ask so...oh well!

dealing with social situations you aren't prepared for is a waking nightmare. Just yesterday...no, thursday, my history teacher had a little class activity where we reviewed different stances on immigration laws (because we're rewriting the u.s.'s immigration laws in class) and then got up in front of the class to put our initials under the section that our personal opinions most matched and then explain it to the class and I!! did not want to do that! luckily it was very short but oh boy did I not enjoy that. And that's just one very small example. I have...so many.

the stutter is a nice addition as well! I don't really have any commentary on it but wanted to acknowledge it--kinda jumping from topic to topic to cover as much as what you shared as possible.

noise is so finicky sometimes so I am offering Maui a sympathetic pat on the back in solidarity. They may not be the thing that overwhelm me most often but it is...unpleasant. I almost always have earbuds in playing music to have a singular sound at a controlled volume rather than be able to hear everything going on. And texture! I hope he finds the foods that make his texture brain happy because it can be so annoying sometimes. especially when a food has like...two textures? and one is good and the other is Not? example: popping boba. the unpopped balls are like yes!! funky!! fun!! and the sensation of popping them is super satisfying...but then the skin. awful. do not want to touch it yet it is already in my mouth.

I do not remember what i said for this one but I'm assuming something about light because we're talking about eyes. If that's the case, light can be very annoying!! I complain about it sometimes but then people will tell me to wear sunglasses and I'm just...that is not going to solve it. because I don't like accessories for the most part. like the sensation of having an unnecessary item on my face is :/

stimming! stimming is very fun and I should do it more frequently. I do the bouncy leg thing a lot too, especially in public because it's noiseless and normalized enough that people don't really notice. My personal favorite is shaking my hands but specifically in that way where it makes your bloodflow a little funky and your hands feel kinda numb like!! that sensation is so fun to me. I'm not like restricting bloodflow to my hands or anything dw, it's just like the force and it's !!! I don't have a lot of noise related stims either, as I don't like to disrupt silence (feels icky), but I have like one or two that'll occasionally pop out.

also very glad your arm has not been cut off by your mother in a drug induced rage! I think we were talking about Maui's bad memory here being projection, but if I'm wrong feel free to correct me. And it makes sense that not all of him is you! I find characters to be most satisfying when they are partially me, but also their own person. I'll put a piece of myself like as a core trait (one of many) and then build them around it into someone who isn't me but that I can understand and write about.

and thank you for sharing him with me!! I love hearing about other's ocs and just listening to people talk about the things they're interested in in general. I mean, I ramble about my own interests (twilight, kotlc, the history of medicine, character analysis) enough that it's only fair you get the chance to ramble back!!

I hope you're doing alright!! It's earlier for you so I hope you have a good afternoon and evening!

[andy-deer]

On the which character you would be thing, I'm a bit conflicted because I have too much going on for me. I have four people inside my head, I have no understanding of human emotions and how other people think, my mind works like an encyclopedia and I have vast amounts of information about entirely random and unrelated topics. Also I'm probably autistic and have something like DID or schizophrenia. And throw into the mix that I'm pan, a furry, a weeb, a gamer, a writer and an artist. Yes I overshared and rambled here, but I just wanted to give you a quick notion of my existence.

ok so your the murderer of the show.

[velkynkarma]

Why Brandon Sanderson Is an Amazing Writer (and Why You Should Read His Novels)

Last week I was recommending some novels to @bosstoaster and was really struggling to not fan squeal all over the place about just how incredible Sanderson’s novels are. Usually, when this happens, I try to pick 1-2 things I like about his writing to talk about, so I don’t talk a person’s ear off...but that usually means so much gets left out.

But I’ve been thinking about it since, so you know what? I can do whatever I want on my blog. So here’s my full, unadulterated breakdown of all the things that are so damned incredible (and consistent) about Brandon Sanderson’s novels (as well as his writing methodology). 

Does contain minor spoilers, but not for anything huge, and I tried to keep even the minor spoilers vague.

PLOT

Incredible world-building—that isn’t generic medieval fantasy-land

I love fantasy as much as the next person, and I enjoy most generic medieval fantasy stories if the plot or characters are great. But Sanderson’s always exploring different kinds of worlds, and entering them is always engaging. Magical cowboy western? A world continually buffeted by enormous hurricanes on a regular basis, so everything evolved to survive them, including the flora and fauna? A world where ash constantly falls? A world that is literally the embodiment of thought and concept? There’s always something exciting to discover.

Incredible magic systems

Like the generic medieval fantasy world-building, I’m used to the D&D style magic systems with energies and fireballs. Sanderson doesn’t touch these kinds of magic systems, though, and I’m continually stunned at just how creative the ones he does use are. Ingest metal, and use it to activate a latent power of yours? Bonding with the literal living embodiment of a concept in order to gain abilities? Re-writing the history of an item so it believes it can be different, and it changes? Using color as payment for a system based entirely around souls and soul coding? The list is long and always entertaining. He’s even written a whole article about how to design magic systems, which is also worth a read.

Really good at the ‘good’ kind of plot twists that leave you genuinely satisfied

I know we’ve all been frustrated by the recent trend that media seems to have these days: viewers or readers guess the direction the plot is heading in, and creators, in a panic, throw in a completely unrelated plot twist (changing the whodunnit, killing off a character, adding a resolution that makes no sense). Those suck. Let’s be real.

Sanderson does the opposite. He leaves the clues in his stories—they’re always there, and you can figure it out with the context clues, if you’re clever. If you’re not, he’s real good at throwing in twists that are hinted at, but still feel incredibly impactful and really satisfying. The end of The Emperor’s Soul still gives me chills, and I still love the twists regarding the big bads in Mistborn and The Stormlight Archive.

Also? He genuinely will catch you by surprise, sometimes. I consider myself to be a pretty experienced reader, and a decent writer. I can usually tell where plots are going for most stories. That’s satisfying, of course. But Sanderson has a way of still managing to sucker-punch me with a plot twist or reveal that feels shocking in a good way. I don’t see a lot of these coming, but the result isn’t disappointment, it’s a “holy crap—wow, how cool!” followed by an intense desire to reread half the story to pick out the clues that were sitting in front of me the whole time, now that I know what they’re actually for. 

Really interesting meta-level stories 

Depending on how invested you want to get, there’s a meta-level of interconnected story with the Cosmere. All of Sanderson’s stories are enjoyable on their own, and you’re never required to go deeper. But if you want to, you can, and suddenly there’s a whole second layer of information and characters in the background that you never really noticed, because most of his stories are actually connected to each other too. You don’t have to know who Hoid is or how he contributes to each separate story, you don’t have to be able to find the crossover characters that have literally crossed over from other books, and you don’t have to understand the whole Shards angle, and you can still enjoy all those books on an individual basis. But when you do know how to spot them in the narratives, it’s really fun, and you feel like you’re in on a great secret.

CHARACTER

Only male author I’ve ever read that actually writes GOOD female characters 

Brandon Sanderson seems to have hit on the not-so-secret secret that most male authors—who dominate the fantasy genre—haven’t seemed to figure out yet: women are people too. 

Consequently, Sanderson writes incredible varieties of female characters, each with their own personalities and quirks, who don’t necessarily fall into the “damsel in distress” or “masculine-coded action lady” stereotypes. See the politically savvy Sarene, the scholarly Shallan, the clever and artistic Shai, rebellious and somewhat childish Siri, the formal and analytical Steris. (These are literally just the ladies with names that start with S). 

But it gets better. Because even with action-hero ladies, they still have characterizations outside of ‘being a lady that beats people up like a man and strives to be as unlady-like as possible to prove she can beat people up like a man.’ Vin might be an action heroine, but she’s also a young woman who’s learning how to have a family, who’s scared of opening up to people, and who’s insecure about her place in the world. Marasi wants to be part of law enforcement, but admits to another character that she also likes the make-up and dresses and looking pretty—and she hates that people expect her to be a masculine action-lady that wears pants and starts fights, because she feels like she won’t even be seen in her field if she doesn’t, and like she has to represent all women. 

But I think the biggest example of this comes from his short story Shadows for Silence in the Forests of Hell, which (despite its edge-tastic title), is about a mother trying to protect her daughter. Sanderson wrote it as a part of the anthology Dangerous Women, and in his post-script on the story in Arcanum Unbounded, he writes: 

“I thought for a long time about the nature of an anthology called Dangerous Women. I worried that the stories submitted to it might fall into the trope of making women dangerous all in the same way....I didn’t want to write just another cliched story about a femme fatale, or a woman soldier who was basically a man with breasts. 

What other ways could someone be dangerous? I knew early on that I wanted my protagonist to be a middle-aged mother.”

In short, Sanderson actually understands how women work and writes actual, believable, likable female characters, who are just people and not sexual objects or prizes for men to receive at the end of the novel. It’s something we need, and it’s refreshing to see.

But on that note—he’s not afraid to let his male characters be softer either

In the same way that most female characters in fantasy are forced to be masculine-like action ladies, most male characters are also forced into the same role. There’s this misunderstanding that male characters have to all be sword-swinging barbarians who can’t have emotions. 

Sanderson punts this misunderstanding out the window and will have none of it.

There are so many good male characters in this series too that don’t immediately make you want to cringe. Look at Elend, who’s an intellectual doing his best but genuinely screws up a lot, and is all but useless for the first half of the series as a combatant. Look at Wayne, and his heartbreaking moment at the end of Bands of Mourning, who grieves for a person who’d been family to him and isn’t afraid to show how much he cares. Look at Adolin, who seems like the quintessential sword-swinging action-oriented jock, but then completely subverts all expectations by patiently and carefully helping characters with mental illnesses deal with them on their bad days, and being unhesitatingly supportive of his autistic brother. Look at Gaotona, who spends the whole book trying to educate someone on how they’re wrong—only to learn from them instead, and realize he was wrong, and to admit to it. 

Men have their soft moments, written by a male author who’s not afraid to put those moments into his works. And that’s really good, too.

In general, just really good characterization

Sanderson’s characters feel like people. They have oddball quirks, realistic-sounding conversations, and occasionally do things that make no sense. Just like friends, family, coworkers, etc that you and I all no doubt know. Hammond’s philosophical rambling (and Breeze’s frustrated bickering over it), Lift making it her life goal to steal dinners, Wayne’s justification for his kleptomania since he ‘trades’ items instead, David’s weird speech patterns and idioms—these characters are just fun to read, and have extra layers that just make them feel more real.

His books have a strong non-romantic relationship focus

Media in general is inundated with romantic and sexual relationships, and doubly so for fantasy novels—especially when fantasy novels often have a ‘prize’ romance at the end of the epic journey. Save the girl, get the girl. It can be frustrating, especially for people who aren’t interested in romance as a genre (there is a reason a lot of us are reading fantasy novels, and not romance ones).

Sanderson loves focusing on all kinds of relationships though, not just romantic ones. Found family, real family, strong platonic friendships, mentorships, interesting rivals, bonds out of duty—they’re all in here, and Sanderson’s not shy about making it clear. Look at Kelsier openly telling Vin he wishes he and his wife had a daughter like her and admitting he sees her as one, or the way the rest of the team turns her into their little sister that they all teach and protect. Look at Wax taking in Wayne, a scared kid who’d gotten in over his head and didn’t know what to do. Look at Kaladin looking at an entire band of slaves and going, ‘yeah, you’re all mine now and I protect you all,’ and how he forms a whole family out of Bridge Four that ultimately turns around and takes care of him, too (and of course, a lot of Kaladin’s story is driven by his own relationship with his actual family, specifically his younger brother). Look at Shallan doing all that she does at the start of the series to protect her brothers. Look at Prof struggling so hard to protect his little band of Reckoners even as he struggles to protect them from himself. Look at Shai and Gaotona, how they’re set up as prisoner and jailer, and yet they grow to ultimately respect each other.

I could go on and on, but the point is, these non-romantic relationships are everywhere, and they are considered to be just as important as—and sometimes more important than—romantic relationships. 

But on the flip-side, his romantic relationships are very well handled

Anyone who knows me knows I’m not a big fan of romance or shipping. It generally doesn’t hold my interest. In most books, I skim or skip the romance parts, because I’m just not invested in those relationships. They feel flimsy. 

I don’t do that with Sanderson’s works. They’re the only books I’ve ever read where I genuinely feel invested in the characters’ romantic relationships. 

Because here’s the thing: all of these characters that are romantically involved, are also good friends, and that’s the basis of their entire relationship to begin with. And that means these relationships are accessible to everyone, regardless of romantic inclinations or interests. 

Adolin and Shallan just joking around and bantering, with him teaching her how to use swords, with her rattling off witty repartee to defend him in verbal spars? When they just genuinely enjoy each others’ company, without having to constantly make out or have sex to indicate why they like being around each other? That’s genuinely fun. It’s some lovely character interaction. Maybe I don’t “get” the parts where they want to do more romantically inclined things, but I can enjoy that they legitimately enjoy being around each other, that they’re good friends as well as romantic partners, and that they trust each other. And that means I can still be engaged in their relationship instead of yawning and skipping ahead a few pages.

Which brings me to:

He also takes common romantic tropes...and throws them in the garbage bin

Sanderson has other ways of handling romantic relationships that I (as a person who doesn’t like romance) finds so impressive it deserves its own section. Because he takes common romantic tropes, and subverts them, and makes the characters all the more healthy for it. 

On at least two occasions (in Stormlight Archive, and in the sequel Mistborn series), Sanderson has set up a classic love triangle...and then immediately broken it. In one novel, one of the male love interests graciously offers to back out if it will mean the female love interest is happy, because he really just wants her to be happy even if that means he’s not around, and she chooses him anyway...whereupon he makes it clear he’ll definitely help her with her mental health and he wants to be supportive of her. Holy shit, what a wild notion, an actual supportive character in a love triangle. In the second series, the love triangle gets set up, but ultimately broken when the man ultimately chooses the arranged marriage over the ‘true love’ angle, and then realizes he actually, legitimately enjoys the company of the lady in the arranged marriage, and the ‘true love’ love interest realizes that actually, that would have been a terrible idea and she wants to pursue her career. Again, a refreshing and ultimately all-around healthy take for all the characters on something that normally has some nasty fallout. 

In Mistborn, my first introduction to one of Sanderson’s series, I remember being genuinely floored and in awe of Elend’s and Vin’s relationship...because Vin is still really nervous about opening up to people and not comfortable with intimacy, and Elend is completely okay with that. He takes it slow with her, lets her set the pace, and doesn’t force her to do anything before she’s ready. Vin is most comfortable just being around/near him without doing anything inherently romantic, just being in his presence, and he is completely cool with that. And that’s such a healthy thing to see in a romantic story, because it’s really important for readers to see that yes, it’s totally OK to not rush into things, and yes, it’s totally OK for people to take it slower or easier for an uneasy partner. 

I could go on and on, but basically, romantic relationships in Sanderson’s novels are also engaging because a lot of the time? They’re healthy, and friendly, and toss most dramatic romantic subplots out on their ass.

While on that note?

He doesn’t do sex scenes

This one might be a loss for some, but it’s a win for me. Depending on how I feel on a given day, I’m either ‘irritated by’ to ‘really uncomfortable by’ sex scenes in novels...and unfortunately they’re prevalent, especially in fantasy novels. I usually end up uncomfortably flipping through these pages, trying to figure out where the scene ends so I can get back to the actual story. 

I honestly can’t think of a sex scene in any of his novels though. In fantasy, it’s stunningly refreshing, and I feel super safe and comfortable reading his novels because I don’t have to worry about uncomfortable surprises. Plus, circling back to the above points, it’s kind of nice to see characters having established relationships without it having to be solely reliant on them having a good or bad sex life.

Has LGBT+ relationships 

Yup, they’re there, and edge past ‘strongly implied’ to ‘blatantly stated’ in some cases too. Offhand, I can think of a pair of men in the Stormlight Archive who are noted to be in a relationship with each other, and a lesbian gunsmith in the second Mistborn series.

What I find important is not just the inclusion of these blatant relationships, but also how it’s treated as completely normal and not taboo in the context of these worlds, too. Non-straight relationships aren’t treated like a scourge or a difficulty these characters have to deal with; it’s just normal in these realities. 

Additionally, what I really like about them is the way other characters will get called out about it if they do cross a line (usually accidentally). In the above cases, Kaladin makes an ignorant off-hand remark about his gay Bridge Four soldier and is immediately called out about it by the rest of the Bridge Four gang, whereupon he realizes he’d crossed a line and apologizes right away. In the Mistborn series, Wayne repeatedly makes passes at lesbian gunsmith Ranette, who spurns his advances. But when he realizes she’s actually into girls, he backs off and respects that, rather than insisting on her dating him. These are some nice little lessons on how straight people actually should react regarding their non-straight friends and family, and normalizes non-straight people existing in society.

Sanderson has also been openly responsive to and cool about people interpreting his characters in non-straight relationships or reading “implied” relationships/romantic subtext, even if he hadn’t originally intended to put them there. Offhand, I can think of one situation where a reader told him he probably didn’t realize “just how bi” he’d written Shallan in regards to her interactions with Jasnah, to which Sanderson’s response was basically, “Well that wasn’t on purpose, but alright, cool, cool.” 

Also very good about inclusivity for mental illnesses and disabilities

While we’re on the topic of inclusivity, let’s talk mental illnesses and disabilities as well, because Sanderson is great about including these too. In Stormlight Archive alone, we have: 

Renarin, who in addition to having some physically disabilities (specifically, seizures and being physically weak), is confirmed by Word of God to be on the autistic spectrum. And he’s treated with respect and support by his family members and friends. His father shows up to meetings or events he wants to go to, just so he can feel comfortable going to them to show interest in things men typically aren’t supposed to. His brother protects him fiercely in combat but also does his best to give him space to grow, and understands that his brother is incredibly intelligent but sometimes just needs a little time to organize his thoughts or figure out how to communicate. Kaladin understands his physical disabilities immediately and is able to give advice on how to deal with them. The entirety of Bridge Four adopts him as another brother. Jasnah finds another way. I could go on, but basically, Renarin is great

Kaladin has clinical depression, and possibly some form of PTSD, even if they don’t have the technical words for this in-universe. He really struggles with this a lot in the series. Despite that, other characters look out for him a lot, and this creates some genuinely tender moments. 

Shallan rapidly developing some identity disorders. Actually breaks down and admits this to another character. The other character is fiercely supportive of her despite that and doesn’t give up on her so easily

Lopen doesn’t have an arm, but despite being physically disabled, Kaladin still immediately values him and he finds a place on the team. He’s also just...legitimately chill about being an amputee, makes missing arm jokes all the time, and doesn’t seem terribly bothered by it. I believe Sanderson even stated that there’s no real tragic story behind the missing arm...it’s just Lopen. That’s it. 

Teft struggles with substance abuse and insecurity, but the entirety of Bridge Four is super supportive in helping him break it

There’s a character who ends up paralyzed from the waist down over the course of the series. She thinks she’s done for and her life is over, but her mentor keeps encouraging her to try things anyway. 

Honestly, this series is enormous—there’s probably a ton more I’m not even remembering off-hand.

All of this is usually handled pretty tactfully and often brings in some really heartwarming character interactions when characters struggle with issues and other characters help them overcome them. Do you like hurt/comfort and whump in fanfiction? Sanderson does this in actual fiction. It’s great.

WRITING METHODOLOGY

He actually takes the time to write good stories

Sometimes a long-awaited book in a series coughDeathlyHallowscough comes out and you just know it was rushed. You can see it in the way the plot threads are resolved, in the way some threads are just never resolved and end up hanging there open-ended, in the way the epilogues are short and empty.

Sanderson doesn’t do this. He’s pretty transparent about it on his Twitter, where he’ll post updates on his writing progress percentages. Sometimes he apologizes for a delay on a book, because he wants to make sure it’s done right or he works out a plot point just so, or he needs to go back and re-read some old material to make sure there’s no hanging plot points. 

This is good. This is great. This means he genuinely cares about his work, and he wants to produce good content. I will happily wait an extra couple months if it means the book that’s going to sit on my shelf for years to come has a satisfactory start, middle and end.

He’s always ready to give advice to up-and-coming writers, and he’s great about fandoms

Sanderson has a whole segment on his blog devoted to answering questions about writing. He also has a whole series of lectures available for free online. I’ve even heard him in podcasts and blogs in other things. He’s not shy about giving advice and encouraging up and coming writers, and he’s always so encouraging about it too. He’s also totally cool with fanfiction, unlike some big name authors out there who get very elitist about fandoms and the comparative “worthlessness” of fanfiction. 

Some of his novels are available for free, right now, on his website

A bunch of his novels and novellas are available totally for free on his website, which means additional accessibility for people who don’t have the cash for books, ebooks, or audio books, and don’t have time to get to a library. 

Many of them are also available as audiobooks, which means you can probably snag them through your local library’s audio book checkout system as well. 

In conclusion

Brandon Sanderson rocks, his stories rock, and everyone who likes fantasy should really give them a shot, for all of the above reasons. 

[saltbert]

OKAY BY THE ASKS IN MY INBOX CLEARLY I FUCKED UP. This is not an excuse but I am autistic and I have a really hard time phrasing what I mean properly. I shouldn't have rambled about something unrelated and I should've phrased it better. What I meant was that a lot of people of color I know have the same sort of "rules" that I grew up with, and i had those rules because I was poor. I did not mean to imply that my entirely white self was "basically a person of color" because I took a silly quiz and it told me I was. I'm sorry that I said it wrong. I will change my behavior. But to the anon that called out my interests, please, please understand that once again I am autistic and it's really hard for me to control my interests, especially ones I got into when I was too young to understand that what was happening in them was wrong. I'm sorry that what I said sounded like I was trying to play off being poor is the same as being a person of color. What I meant means nothing because no matter what I still hurt people. I should probably delete the post in it's entirety. Thanks for telling me. Though I would've probably appreciated a nicer way of telling it to me, I probably deserved to get yelled at because I really do sound like a "white" white person and I was being intentionally uneducated and I just can't read it. And I'll probably turn off anons because I'm. Assuming as soon as I post this I'll see my inbox has a lot more asks in it telling me about it. Thanks again. Sorry again also.

[lost-caticorn]

Why I think Chihaya Ayase (from Chihayafuru) is autistic

Hello lovely people! Here is an other autistic headcanon. I was writing an essay on karuta (traditional Japanese sport/card game) for university when all of a sudden I realised how autistic Chihaya was and why i relate so much to her. I watched the entire anime again to make this analysis so here it is I hope you’ll enjoy it ~

I changed the format of my analysis a bit I hope it’ll be easier to read. I doubt the fandom for Chihayafuru is big on tumblr so in case you haven’t watched this anime I really recommend it <3

1.Special interest

If you’ve watched the show you know how obsessed Chihaya is with her favourite sport: Karuta. She thinks about it constantly, spend hours every day practicing and plan her whole life around it.

When she has to do something unrelated to karuta she always finds a way to incorporate it so that it doesn’t seem so impossible to focus on something else. (for example in her homework)

She has an other special interest which is the characters that she and shinobu seem so obsessed with. I think it really reflects that autistic experience when you know everything about a topic, collect everything there has to it and everyone around you just find it cringy (every time they talk about that common interest people around laugh at them).

2. Trouble socialize:

She often comes of as aggressive or too invested when she’s just trying to encourage, motivate or gather people together.

She neglects her relationships because of her special interest (karuta). It looks like she doesn’t make friends that aren’t into karuta because it’s all she can ever think about and she just can’t connect that well with people around her that aren’t as into it. (for example her classmates she occasionally talk with)

She can be quite inconsiderate at times because she's bad at reading other people. (for example: she doesn’t realises that the nicknames she gives could annoy or hurt her friends because she doesn’t mean it in that way // that time she insults Arata’s home without meaning to)

Chihaya doesn’t seem to understand implicit meanings in people’s words and as mentioned earlier she’s not good at reading the atmosphere (ex: ep1 when Arata is bullied she calls out on her classmates’s behaviour without even realizing)

She takes things very literally (for example when her teacher tells her to stop climbing on a chair with a skirt on instead of getting the message to just stop climbing on the chair she does it again but this times with a pair of pants under the skirt)

3. Doesn’t get/care about social rules

She’s described multiple times as a “vain beauty”. What they mean by that is that she’s naturally beautiful but as soon as she talks or move she looses her charm. This shows that from other people’s view Chihaya’s behaviour is seen as weird, not understandable and even as repulsive to a certain degree (which is sadly often how allistics view autistic people). Also, as an autistic female I relate to that in a way because people look at me and expect me to act a certain way but I always end up saying too much, not enough, do something inappropriate and so on...

She doesn’t dress for other people and doesn’t care about how she’s perceived. Being seen wearing weird clothes for example doesn’t bother her as other people’s judgement on that seems to not even cross her mind. Also she doesn’t seem to notice when people find her pretty.

Chihaya is often described as not being “feminine” enough. She’s even mocked more than once for being too “manly”. It’s very common for autistic women to feel a disconnection with our gender because we don’t experience it through social rules as most people do (simply because we don’t get the said social rules).

4. Difficulty handling emotions

Chihaya is perceived as immature because she takes a long time to name her emotions and understand them. She doesn’t really have a barrier between how she feels and what she expresses. She’s very spontaneous and is seen as childlike because of that.

She’s often trapped in her own thoughts and disconnects from reality (for example in episode 10: during a match she takes a deep breath after Taichi talks to her and realises she didn’t even know what her opponent looked like until now)

Meltdown/shutdown: when she feels upset she isolates herself in a safe, restricted and less stimulating environment (a closet). She can’t speak for a while. When she looses against the ex-queen (Yamamoto Yumi) she communicates with Taichi by hitting on the door of the closet she’s in. I’d argue that she goes semi-verbal from time to time but I am not sure if this is a stretch.

5. Info dumping

Chihaya doesn’t seem to regulate well what she says and to who. She regularly infodumps people about karuta but also about that character thingy she and Shinobu have in common.

She tends to ramble and even the people involved in the conversation can’t follow her thoughts and what she’s really trying to say.

5. Stimming

Call me crazy but I think the chocolate eating is more than just needing sugar after a match. I think it’s part of a routine, it’s something familiar that stimulates an other one of her senses after he had to focus on her hearing for too long.

Mumbling: she does it quite a lot and yes talking alone, needing to get your thoughts out by mumbling is absolutely a stim.

Playing karuta: I think that sometimes she just needs to do it to calm down. This is more a headcanon but I think that this can also count as a stim.

6. Sensory processing disorder

It is established that her hearing is incredibly good compared to other people. They tend to call it “the intuition of the game” because she seems to hear the syllabes before they are pronounced.

Multiple times it is shown that she’s very sensitive to the sounds and can get overwhelmed by the noise.

She forgets her basic human needs because of her special interest (doesn’t feel hunger)

I think she might even have synesthesia (a condition in which two or more of the five senses that most people experience separately are mixed) because she sees some cards with colours. she never once said that she chooses colours for them or that it was a conscious decision to give them colours, she just spontaneously sees them that way.

7. Her voice

She can't control her voice. Just watch or rewatch the show and you’ll understand what I mean by that. Again very relatable as an autistic person because people constantly tell me that I talk to loud (I don’t actually but I just talk always at the same volume and apparently it’s inappropriate depending on where you are....).

8. Personal space

Chihaya doesn’t understand personal space especially with Taichi who clearly has feelings for her. She’s way too close most of the time but there isn’t any underlying meaning here she’s just not aware that this distance can be inappropriate when talking to a friend.

9. All of these were present in her childhood:

One of the criteria to get a professional diagnosis is that the “””symptoms””” must already be there when you are a child so I thought it was important to mention that when we’re first introduced to her, all of what I’ve written above is already present.

Conclusion:

That’s all for today! If you’re reading this thank you for sticking with me until the end of this long post. There are honestly much more examples and moments in this anime that made me think that she is definitely autistic but I can’t put everything is there so this will have to do ^^

I haven’t seen anything about chihaya being autistic so I thought it was important for this to be at least somewhere on the internet. I’d be glad if it helps/brings something to even one person! :D

[loud-hands]

A Message Sent to Autism/Asperger's Hate Blog

Definite trigger warning, the website left me actually nauseated. Mentions of abuse and death, hate toward those with autism spectrum disorders, and just. Horrible stuff.

I came across heartlessaspergers/.com (seriously) and the neurotypical/.com and it was rather upsetting. Claims that we have no empathy and destroy families and ruin partners' lives. So. Autism S/peaks × 10. I know I probably won't be listened to but I had to say this. I know I probably won't change anyone's mind, open anyone's eyes, but here's my message:

I want to start by saying this isn't meant as an attack and I'm really, really sorry if it comes across that way. I'm an eighteen-year-old with autism. Asperger's Syndrome has been removed from the DSM-5 but were I diagnosed some years ago, I would have been diagnosed with Asperger's.

I know it may sound biased coming from the type of person your page warns against, but I very much disagree with the assumption that we lack empathy. Some of us have lessened empathy, I see this with my autistic brother and my, admittedly, abusive father I speculate may be on the spectrum, but this is not to say we're unemotional and lack empathy. Some autistic people can be downright bad. Some are good, some are neutral, as is the moral spectrum with all. My brother, for example, tends to lecture or make rather callous jokes to lighten the mood at someone's plight. He dislikes animals but when my pet died, he was awkward with it, I think struggling with his contempt and sympathy. He said, very sincerely, that he was sorry for my loss.

 I myself feel overwhelmed with empathy at times, feeling upset when my friend is, and she, also an autistic adult, shares this trait. I've cried to documentaries that show people grieving dead relatives or people suffering, I've cried at fictional books once in a while. Today, one of my neurotypical brothers was upset and I was left distressed when I could only bring him a drink and offer to listen when/if he wanted to talk. 

I know this is just my experience, not documented research, but studies have supported that we're not devoid of empathy:

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/people-with-autism-can-read-emotions-feel-empathy1/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4048168/ (This one discusses lessened affective empathy in ASD, though  it highlights the differences between cognitive and affective empathy.)

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/people-with-autism-can-read-emotions-feel-empathy1/

Many of us show empathy in different ways than our neurotypical peers. I notice that I tend to start spouting what I think is a logical approach and try to give advice instead of offering hugs. I spend the next hour worrying that I seemed unsympathetic or that I was overstepping by offering advice when I wasn't asked for it. We often struggle to recognize emotion by someone's facial expression or tone, which leads to some of us seeming aloof. Even when I can detect it, I never know how to react.

And I won't deny some of us truly ARE unempathetic and/or cruel. But I don't think this is purely genetics - I think this is how the environment shapes and interacts with these traits. I know I keep citing my own experience and I'm sorry for that, but from my own upbringing, I can see how I could have become a very different and much colder person. After about kindergarten my "quirks" stopped being just little kids being little kids. Friendships were difficult, the other kids matured faster than me with some things, and teachers assumed I was deliberately spacey and slow with my work. None of this was helped by a difficult home life (unrelated to my autism). In fifth grade I had a teacher who actually bullied me and ruined my desire to try in school for some time. I was playing imaginary games while the other girls were well past that. I am and have always been a bit of a pushover and I let a group of girls choose what I wore and paint up my face in makeup, all the while calling me ugly and insulting the clothes I wore to school. I thought this was just the way friends were and that they were being kind and helping me. I wound up violent, argumentative, hating everyone for years. It took my home life cooling down and my mother putting me in an online school for me to be able to assess my behavior and what I had become. 

I'm by no means perfect, not a saint. I'm struggling with my mental health and the responsibilities of adulthood. My relationships, I feel, are different from that of neurotypical young adults. For a long time I didn't have any friends and though we're often seen as loners (and we truly can be), I was incredibly lonely. I have a friend now, and for my entire life I could only handle one friend at a time, latching on and driving them away. It worked out well this time around as we're both equally clingy. I feel regular labels can't properly define out friendship, transcending friends but not romantically involved. I can't imagine myself having a romantic relationship and the idea of balancing my best friend and a hypothetical girlfriend overwhelms me. I show my appreciation by knitting and drawing for her, and she's like me and recognizes my affection. I don't like hugs or much touch. I don't know if I could have a romantic relationship or sometimes even a platonic friendship with someone who was neurotypical because I'm not sure how our ways of affection would mesh. Many autistic adults can and do manage happy relationships with neurotypicals but I know that I and others like myself might have an unhealthy relationship because the neurotypical overwhelms them and the neurotypical feels unfulfilled. 

I love the idea of fostering children one day and I'm majoring in special education, and sometimes I really do worry I might be emotionally negligent, but that I truly feel I can handle, and this is where the overwhelming empathy comes in, to the point that I feel an immense sense of duty to help kids in need and those with special needs and daydream about my teaching plan, baking together and other bonding activities with future foster kids. 

I'm sorry for the ramble, but from what I've seen of your page, it seems you mostly hear from neurotypical people. I want to give an autistic voice and try to show that many of us really DO feel empathy, and give experiences of my own. It's often upsetting to see us painted as monsters. I'm sorry for this dark turn but there are so many autistic kids, teenagers, adults that are MURDERED for being a "burden" and such. There are facebook groups where parents feed their kids bleach to try to cure them of autism. I've really cried for these people, especially the children. I feel like I need to be a voice, an advocate, especially for those on the more severe end of the spectrum who often can't or struggle to do it for themselves. Autistics have an increased risk of depression and suicide. I myself am taking a few antidepressants, but I don't think depression is an effect of autism itself. Stigma hurts us. I won't defend autistic abusers, there is no justification for ANY abuse, but we're not all evil. People are born autistic, but autistic people aren't born evil. No one is. 

Thank you for reading,

R.B.

- Mod RB