#this is dreadful i cant stand this anymore

[magnoliamyrrh]

.

[bunnihearted]

໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১

[ribbonzregretz]

i can physically feel myself decay, i can tell that my bad habits are catching up, i can feel myself grow more and more sluggish by the day, i feel irritable and less and less hungry and less and less inclined to move, i can feel myself turn into a corpse, i can tell its coming soon, soon.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[bouncybongfairy]

hi i cant get enough so ,, how would atla jet's first kiss go? and reader is someone who he thinks is superior to him and since jet comes off a bit awkward, reader tries to guide and teach him how to kiss

basically its js jet head over heels

First Kiss

Jett (atla) x Fem Reader Smut

Summary: You teach Jet how to kiss.

Word Count: 1.0k+

TW: NSFW Content, Dry Humping, Fluff

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Jet invited you to your usual hang-out spot tonight. You’d started seeing him a couple months ago and you really like him. Most guys give up the ‘i’M sO sWeEt, I LiKe yOuR pErsOnAliTy’ facade after a while but he was maintaining it well. Always hyping you up even when you felt like a slob. You also liked how he was so open about his hate for the fire nation. Like many people in your Earth kingdom, Fire Lord Ozai has torn your family apart. Your mother lives in dread and will never say anything negative about him out of fear. 

He was the only person who ever praised you on how brave it was to speak against them publicly. Jet shared the same hate towards the nation that caused both your families so much trauma. This created a deep bond between the two of you. The tension had been running high the past couple times you saw him. Maybe it was all in your head but you’d like to think it was a shared feeling. The way you’d catch him staring with a smile on his face, trying to play it off like he was looking at something behind you. He was standing at the tree you normally meet. 

You hugged him like you normally did, getting on your tippy toes and wrapping your arms around his neck. He chuckled into your ear and picked you up just a little. You practically melted in his arms, not letting go until after he set you down. Once the two of you started talking, you didn’t bother going anywhere else. Simply sitting down at the tree and talking to each other about anything and everything. The conversation eventually grew stale, running out of topics. This seemed like a perfect time to shoot your shot. 

“Maybe this is uh- only on my end but I really like you, a lot,” you laugh nervously looking down until he responds. 

“No, I’m glad you brought it up because I don’t know if I would have had the courage to tell you that like you back,” he laughed, grabbing your hand. 

“But can you actually tell me why you like me without mentioning any of my physical attributes?” you asked. 

“Yeah: you’re really fucking funny and you don’t mindlessly agree with people to make small talk. You speak with purpose. That doesn’t mean I can’t also like you for the way you cock your eyebrow anytime someone says something stupid. Or how perfect your lips look when you’re trying to hide your smile,” you said, which obviously made you smile.

“Just like that,” he laughed. 

“Can I kiss you?” you blurted out, not being able to take the tension anymore. 

“I’ve never kissed anyone before,” he explained nervously. 

“Let me teach you- or, can I kiss you?” you stumble over yours, trying hard not to make him feel pressured or uncomfortable. 

“Yeah, I’m just nervous but I hope it’s not coming off as like- that I don’t want to,” he said. 

Seeing that he was so nervous was endearing to you. The fact that he thought the moment he was too special to mess up made you feel valued. You leaned in and closed the gap between each other. His lips were soft and melted into yours. Brining one of his hands up and cupping your face. It didn’t take long for him to get the hang of things. Becoming more confident and swiping his tongue along your bottom lip. 

Deciding to match his energy, you move yourself into his lap. Now you were holding his face, running your thumbs across his cheeks. Your heart felt like it was racing so fast, it could burst. A warm feeling spreads across your entire body. Both of you were breathing hard against each other's skin. His hands trailed down, running his fingers up and down your hips. Tracing the waistband of your pants, his calloused fingertips making your back arch. He adjusted his hips, allowing you to sit on his lap instead of hovering. 

He groaned into your mouth as his erection brushed against you. Running your hands through his hair as you started rocking your hips against him. The kiss was getting more sloppy; your lips were becoming raw and swollen from the constant nipping and sucking. You pulled back, allowing each other to catch your breath.

Keeping your lips pressed against each other as you focus more on grinding. He was starting to buck his hips up against you, which made you moan quietly against his mouth. Reconnecting your lips and sucking his bottom one into your mouth. Pulling back and letting it go with a loud -pop- sound. Making both of you chuckle, breaking the intensity between each other. He pressed his forehead against your, unable to wipe away his smirk. 

“Was that okay?” he asked, needing reassurance. 

“More than okay, I’m finding it hard to believe it was your first kiss,” you laughed, moving the hair out of his eyes. 

“Okay now you’re just trying to hype me up,” he rolled his eyes. 

You ended up staying in his lap and talked for a while. Despite the fact that it was his first kiss, it didn’t make things awkward after. If anything, you felt like it made him more comfortable with being vulnerable during the conversation. You ran your finger down the bridge of his nose and eyebrows as he talked. Hiding the fact that it amused you when he stumbled over his words. Every now and then you’d interrupted him by melting your mouth against his. 

Going further than a peck and working your lips together for a couple seconds. Laughing because you had to remind him of what he was talking about. After a while he walked you home, hand in hand of course. The entire time he was blushing, biting the inside of his lip; stopping himself from smiling like an idiot. He walked you all the way to the door and kissed your cheek before parting ways.

[ethanlandryluver]

loving him was red

‘did you know i loved you?’

pairing: ethan landry x fem!reader freeman

summary: You moved to new york with the core four after the murder party in woodsboro, where you discovered your sister was a psycho murderer. after the reveal of the new ghostfaces , you knew deep down that ethan couldn’t walk out of that theatre alive - and you dreaded that you could be the one to kill him. (this takes place right after ethan stabs kirby)

warnings: depictions of death, blood & gore, angst, sad, kissing

authors note: i’m so scared to post this because i’m not really a writer but i’m so bored 😭

do not repost! - reblogs are appreciated

lower case intended ♡

——————————————————————————

“ethan!” you gasp, seeing him tumble to the floor after getting hit in the head with a brick by sam. you look at him, winded on the the ground until he slowly picks himself up

“fuck are you gonna do about it bitch?” ethan taunts, holding his head childishly with a pained expression. sam aggressively charges to ethan, holding the dagger above her head.

“y/n! y/n, we have to run right now!” tara screams, tightly grabbing your wrist.

you watch as sam repeatedly stabs ethan’s left side before you turn to follow tara.

tara drags you to the backstage of the theatre, stumbling over the stairs leading up behind the curtain.

you both hide behind a large prop box in the corner of the backstage.

“m-my ethan..” you hug your knees and start rocking back and forth.

“ethan.. ethan.. ethan..” you repeat over and over again as his unmasking plays in your head in an endless loop. betrayal and sorrow swirl your mind, making it feel like the world stopped spinning

“y/n?” tara grabs your shoulder and begins to shake you, breaking your train of thought

you look up into tara’s eyes with tears streaming down your from your eyes. you can feel your mascara disintegrating but you wipe your cheeks anyways.

“i cant do this anymore tara! i miss wes, and i miss liv a-and anika! i miss amber..” you sob, remembering the sight of your dead sister.

tara stares down at the floor for a moment and you notice her eyes begin to water before she gazes back at you again.

“we’re going to get out of this,” she promises, squeezing your hand tightly.

“what if ethan doesn’t?” you whisper.

you both sit there in silence for a moment, before you hear heavy footsteps walking up to the backstage.

“shit.” you say as you get up on your feet quickly, pulling up tara as you do.

“heyyy,” quinn calls as she appears out from a curtain, her toothless grin sending a chill up your spine.

“oh shit! run!” tara shouts. she starts sprinting quickly, running down the stairs as you follow her back to the main part of the theatre.

ethan pops out from behind a case of ‘stab’ artifacts, sending you to run in the opposite direction. he shoots a quick look at quinn, tailing tara, shortly before chasing you.

“where do you think your going?” he calls. you race down into a hallway, turning into the first door on your left.

“fuck! it’s a fucking supply closet!” you cry, closing the door behind you and laying a broomstick over the handle, like in the movies.

you wipe the sweat off your forehead, exhausted from running as you hear pounding on the door.

“open the fucking door y/n!” ethan shouts from the other side

“shit, shit, shit,” you mumble under your breath, scampering over the supply racks next to you for anything applicable of being a weapon. you find a wrench when the door breaks down.

ethan stands in the doorway, panting heavily. he stares at you with an ominous look. you step backwards when he starts stepping towards you.

you back into a corner and start hyperventilating. he looms over you, resting the tip of his knife on the bottom of your chin, forcing you to look up at him.

you purse your quivering lips, failing to desperately hold back your tears. ethan takes his glove off with a concerned face.

“oh no please don’t cry m’baby,” he tucks his knife into his robe and cradles the side of you face, wiping your tears away.

you start sobbing, collapsing into his arms and leaning against his chest.

“why? how could you do this to me?” you utter. ethan kisses the top of your forehead without words.

“when richie died-“ he starts before getting cut off

“that’s it?” you cry, looking up at him confused

“no y/n you don’t understand-“ he explains.

“understand what? you’re not the only one who lost their sibling, e! i didn’t start a fucking killing spree, did i?” you say, pushing him away.

“i did it for my dad! he was only ever proud of richie, and i wanted him to be proud of me too,” he shouts.

you gaze softens with understanding. he looks down at the floor and then back at you with pain in his eyes

“i never meant to hurt you y/n. i’m so, so sorry,” he says, reaching for his knife.

“but i cant let you walk out of here alive.” he whispers as he stabs the side of your waist, retracting the knife quickly

your eyes widen before the edges of your vision begin to fade out.

in a rush of adrenaline you kick him away, throwing your wrench at his head in an attempt to stun him.

you try to knock a supply rack on top of him, but he jumps on you, kicking your feet and knocking you to the ground.

ethan kneels over you when he brings down his knife to your chest, nearly stabbing you. you grab his wrist, pushing it away as hard as you can.

you twist his arm, causing him to drop the knife and grunt out in pain. you pick up the knife and roll out from under him, pushing him to the ground.

you stab his chest repeatedly, five - maybe six times, as he yells out in pain. your eyes well up at the realization in what you’ve done.

“ethan no! i’m sorry! i’m sorry i’m so so sorry!” you wail. you drop the knife, pushing it to the other side of the room.

ethan leans against the wall as he starts to cough up blood. you pull him closer you, laying him in your lap and cradling him in your arms.

“i’m so sorry my love” you repeat, your tear flow becoming heavier.

“i love you,” you whisper, pushing his damp curls away from his face, bringing your forehead to his.

he weakly grabs your hand, interlocking it with his as he faintly smiles.

“i know.”

[skullvgirl]

a strange dream | barou

incl. barou 🎀 ( he would kill me )

warnings. completely sfw, fluff, school!au, fem reader, very much ooc, slow burn

an's. i missed him so much i had to revisit

BAROU probably hasnt got any interest in you before your relationship, not in a bad way but lets be honest—he's a soccer addict, he definitely wouldn't notice you until well, he did.

you're both sitting in math class (which did i mention had one hell of alot of students) and someone from the other side of the room asks to pass a note to you, rumor has it they've got a crush.

eventually the note ends up in the large hands of Barou Shouei and he's of course expected to pass it along to you but doesn't see anyone ahead of him expecting to receive it from him. he's confused—who the hell was yn ?

its his bad—he really wasnt to familiar with anything not soccer related.

he looked around, then finally decided to give the piece of paper back to the person he got it from—whoever that was.

you look at barou confused, so the paper was for you? you had originally gave it too him because you weren't sure if the people mumbling in the back of the classroom were really talking about you or not.

you opened your mouth to whisper-yell at him, but he wasn't paying attention to you anymore, his eyes trained on the teacher once again.

you uncrumpled the paper, trying to be as quiet as possible in the dead silence, but with no luck.

"yn?!"

shit

"yes miss?", you hid the paper under the desk, trying not to make eye contact with the 28 other students that had eyes on you.

"care to share with the class whats so important that you need to be passing notes in my class?"

fuck

reason #1 why you really hated this class, your math teacher was a fucking bitch.

'mean girl giggles' echoed throughout the room, barous eyes paying special attention to what you were about to do.

you dreaded the feeling of being forced to stand up in front of the entire class and read aloud whatever was written on the small note.

"get to it missy"

oh fuck off

you looked around the classroom trying to assess anyone who may have been distressed or embarrassed but with no luck, everyone seemed to be waiting on you.

weird...

"im serious yn. if you dont start reading in the next 10 seconds im going to—"

"no, no thats okay—i-im reading"

for whoever wrote me this, i am so sorry.

you cleared you throat in preparation for the humiliation you were about to face, curses be upon you miss peterson.

"hi, i think your really cute, we should go out sometime together, from..."

your heart stopped.

oh no this cant be right

"thats it."

"thats it?" the teacher probed, slowly making her way towards you.

"that it. i-it just says from your secret admirer after that nothing else".

your math teacher narrowed her eyes, looking closely at your expression—she didn't buy it.

dont breakeyecontactdont break eye contactdont breakeyecontactdontbreakeyecontactdontbreakeyecontact—

"really..."

"really!" you broke eye contact.

she pointed her nose upwards, probably as high as possible and began walking towards your desk.

"alright then i wanna see it, i need to have it confiscated"

"what?!, why?" oops you said that kinda loud. the class whom had previously lost interest when you finished reading turned back towards you and miss peterson now intrigued.

"well why not?! it was a distraction in class and now it needs to be taken away to make sure it wont be a distraction again...!"

but that doesn't make sense, if you care so much about us passing notes you should take our notebooks not the gosh dang note !

"but that doesn't make sense—" but you didn't get a chance to finish as the teacher viciously snatched the paper from you and spun around back towards her desk.

you sat down and burried your hands in your face, you couldn't watch this.

"oh this looks fun...says it's from barou shouei, not what i was expecting...not what i was expecting at all..."

fucking kill yourself, PLEASE

the class, which had previously been dormant erupted in a series of raging giggles and screams—shocked at the reveal of who the note was from.

a soccer player.

it was no secret in BLLK High that nobody—under any circumstance—was to mess with a soccer player. they had a bit of a reputation going on. even the nice ones.

" 'cuse me?" a commanding and masculine voice emerged from your left side and you turned as quickly as possible to the over 6 foot ( 182 cm ) tall man trying to explain yourself.

fuck, one day you were seriously gonna kill your math teacher.

"no, no no i promise it's not like that—i seriously don't know who made this i promise it wasn't from me and i know it wasn't from you—"

"you're yn ?" he cut you off smoothly, leaning back in his seat ever so slightly.

"huh?"

his knees were facing yours now. "you're yn right? been wondering who that was for the longest, guess i know now, cool."

"huh?"

okay now you were confused—about multiple things actually. #1, barou shouei, the man you'd been sitting next to for almost a full year now had yet to learn your name untill just now which is—gosh, just outrageous even for a soccer player

and #2 he wasn't toltally angry and going to kill you like everyone said he would have, should you make a fool of him?

no seriously someone explain what was happening.

you didnt get a chance to ponder on your thoughts much longer however, the bell rang loudly in your ear and soon everyone including yourself was making way for the door out the classroom.

what the fuck just happened, what the actual fuck just happened.

"heyy ! yn over here !" you didnt realize it but you apparently had auto-piloted your way all the way through lunch and was now being called over by people you've never talked to a day in your life—and you knew exactly what it would be about.

could this get any worse

you were about to find out. "yes...?" you asked, tray still in hand while you stood awakwardly by the trash can near the lunch table who called you over.

"soo—wait first sit down, we're friends we're friends, sit down first" one of the girls said, patting a seat next to herself eagerly.

you looked at the eyes on you and quickly made a decision to move.

there definitely here to ask me about him. it can't be that bad right? i think her name is ashley? i don't know maybe this'll be fun, maybe they'll be nice.

"so have you guys had sex?"

"what?! no—"

"have you guys even ever kissed yet?"

"no—"

"we used to talk you know", this one was from ashley, a pretty blonde haired girl who's blue eyes sparkled like marbles.

"really?"

she was attractive that for sure but and you could definitely see why some people would wanna date her but barou? not so much.

"really"

like in what world would some super macho super mysterious soccer guy get the hots for some popular pretty blonde girl? not to mention an obnoxious pretty blonde girl.

gosh i sound like a pick me right now, who knows maybe they really did talk

"didn't even know her name" barou said, cracking his neck from side to side.

"seriously man?" asked isagi, popping a fry in his mouth.

"dead serious"

this was the soccer table, a table where only the best of best players would sit for lunch, not that it was official or anything—but new students were warned not to go near The Table anyway.

"so you did ask yn to prom?"

"no bachira, i didn't ask her how many times to i have to say that, i barely know her anyways"

"untill today" kunigami confirmed.

"until today" barou repeated.

"would you though?" chigiri asked, he glanced over at your table—you were pretty that much was obvious but it was barou we're talking about, who knows what he thought of you.

"nah, couldn't."

"why not? shes not ugly" nagi questioned albeit a bit insensitively.

"shes not but..." he trailed off, stringing his eyes from nagi to you, she looks kinda...

"but what"

"i don't want her thinking we're dating after prom or somethin', gotta focus on the game."

"what if i did then, think she'd say yes?" it was reo speaking now who was now also looking at your table.

"nah, your uncanny resemblance to a donkey might turn her off"

The Table laughed as reo scowled at the other players, he didnt find it very funny.

"shut the fuck up shouei, i didn't hear her accepting your undying love now did i?"

"thats because i never really asked her dipshit"

"your point! still better than knowing your rejected as a default"

"is it though?" barou was almost smiling at the purple headed boy.

"oh really? watch me"

the table made boyish "ooo"-ing sounds and reo stood up confidently.

shouts erupted from the table, causing the whole cafeteria to turn towards the players, they payed them no mind however, only staring intently at where reo was walking.

"look, look, look! one if them is coming over here right now!"

"really?!"

you whipped your head around towards where the whole cafeteria's attention had been directed.

nononon, this cannot be happening. you seriously did not need another soccer players thinking you were some freak weirdo because someone else wanted to be messy!

"thats reo, he's super fucking rich, i heard he has a whole two backyards !"

"and an a theater room!"

great, and it was a rich snob kid too.

"does yn sit here?"

your table said nothing, even the loud ashley kept quiet while he was talking. everyones heads turned to you, waiting expectantly for you to say something.

"yeah thats me..." you said meekley.

reo smiled and curled his finger towards himself a few times, asking you to come to him.

this is so awakward

you stood up silently and walked over to where reo was. he didn't stop directing him towards you until you were standing right up against him, close enough to where he could grab your jaw and yank your ear towards his mouth.

"you're hot, go out with me"

your eyes bludged, and your heart accelerated way more than it should have. that was NOT what you were expecting.

reo let go of your face, his hands were in his pockets as he waited for your answer, he looked confident tou would say yes. and most people would, but this was a soccer player we were talking about—and this one specifically was known for being super rich, super smart and a super hoe. three things you couldn't be bothered to even try giving a chance with.

you glanced behind him trying to peer at the damage that had been done.

holy shit the whole fuking cafeteria is looking

"so?"

you were snapped back into reality as reo looked at you, still waiting for an answer. it was pretty obvious what you were going to say.

"no. im sorry but no, i hardly know you and you're really not my type, sorry."

your table made all types of noises as they watched the now humiliated boy bite a scowl and walk back too his table.

you quickly sat back down and watched as The Table made fun of reo's rejection. all the players were laughing but you were only looking at one.

"said i wasn't her type". The Table erupted in laughter, all the players except reo cackling like animals.

"fucking told you so, at least get to know the girl before you start trying to hit on her" isagi joked, slapping reo on the back repeatedly.

"no for real, dont know what made you think she would fall for you in a day, not all girls are so easy you know" kunigami shook his head.

"what did you say too her anyways?" nagi asked now curious as to what got him such a harsh rejection anyways.

"didn't say nothing, js asked her if she wanted to go out, said no, that's it." reo reiterated bitterly.

"knowing him it was probably something like 'youre hot, lets go out'" barou said offhandedly, distracted by the feeling of eyes on him.

"you could hear?" reo asked, now confused.

The Table went silent for a moment and isagi burst out laughing when he realized what reo had just said.

"so you did really say that?!"

the emmbarassment for reo only cotinued further but barou wasn't paying attention to that. the eyes from before were still on him.

it was you.

cute...

BAROU isnt really much of a romantic either, he hasn't got the headspace for it like he does for soccer, so of course—he's not seeking the love. the love is seeking him.

1 week later

you sat quietly in the school library studying like a madman for finals, it was just near the end of the school year and you were determined to get good marks on all of the subjects.

the library was the most perfect and quiet place to relax and work at the same time—without any distractions or problems to bother you from your job.

"excuse me?"

you glanced up to where the voice was coming from and your heart felt like it was going to explode.

it was none other than barou shouei in the flesh.

a whole week, a whole week you had managed to somewhat avoid his presence and pretty much ignore him during math ( your teacher denied you request to switch spots ) it was going fine untill—well, now.

"can i borrow your computer charger? mine just died and a left mine at home"

that was it?

you didn't really know what to expect from the man though. he was known to be pretty brutal on tbe field maybe you were assuming he'd be the same in real life.

although i guess i shouldn't think that considering how chill he was over the fake confession and all of that...

"oh yeah sure, I uh can let your borrow it no problem"

"thanks"

barou took your charger without another word and walked back over too his seat.

the racing in your heart was begining to subside, that wasn't so bad...

you shifted to get comfortable in your seat and began studying once again, right now where was i...

"excuse me?"

and just as you were getting comfortable. barou shoei again.

"yes?"

"sorry im back so soon but, could i sit here for a little bit. the outlet by my table isnt working for some reason" he said it in a polite tone but seemed eager for an answer, he was probably in a rush to get as much study time in before practice like most athletes were.

he really isnt as scary as i thought he'd be...

"yeah of course that's fine, it's better this way anyway, wont forget you had it in the first place ya know" you smiled moving your belongings over to make room for his.

"thanks"

barou set his things down and soon enough a static silence ensued over the both of you, not that you minded though. you still needed to get work done and it was better he wasn't attempting to make conversation with you. it is a bit awkward though...

"you color coded your pens"

the voice that emmited from the other side of the table almost made you forget who was there.

"i did, why?"

"nice, i did too"

barou didnt wait for an answer, but instead pulled out a all black pencil pouch to reveal all seven colors of the rainbow line up in order.

jeez, i just think it looks cool, his has all the pen hooks facing up too, ocd much?

that wasn't the main point though, what was more important was his sticker—on thst rested sturdy on his bag. "you watch graves anatomy too?"

he looked surprised when you mentioned the show, and nodded his head appropriately. "yeah, and im all caught up too, all 22 seasons and counting."

"holy hell, im only on season 12 how to even time for that—aren't you always having games and stuff, scince your on varsity and all..."

barou quirked an eyebrow, "mm you know your stuff—i make it work"

now it was your turn to make a face "you make it work...really, its that easy?"

no. the absurbant amount of school work i have is fucking killing me right now plus i've got sisters too take care of so no, it's definitely not easy

thats not what he said though.

"yup, real easy." he nodded his head and although you didn't buy it, it was hardly your place to nag. he didn't seem like someone you should nag.

"uh huh.." you shook your head up and down slow and repeatedly, "for sure, for sure"

"what you don't believe me?" barou moved his chair closer to yours, so close in fact you think your knees were touching, his arms bulged as he rested his hands on his head ; it was hot nice seeing him in a position that wasn't so straight .

"no i do, you seem really responsible im sure you're great at 'making it work' " you put a thumbs up.

gosh, could you be anymore awakward...

"oh im responsible ? you would know that im responsible?" barou questioned, leaning even closer on his arms towards you.

is he...flirting with me?

you laughed and covered your mouth with your hand leaning slightly away as he got closer.

"i mean yeah" you paused to swipe away the nonexistent dust from your eyes, you just couldn't hold the eye contact.

come on, dont get shy now yn.

"people talk, i guess."

"do they?"

"they do" you nodded your head firmly up and down, since it was the only thing you were sure you could do at the moment.

"mh"

mmh?!? the fuck does that mean ??

"so yn i wanna ask you a question" barou leaned back as he said this, finally returning to his normal position.

holy shit my heart was beating so fast, somebody get me on a stretcher and to the hospital NEOW, i am about to blow!

"yeah?"

barou stayed silent for a few moments, thinking deeply about what he was going to say.

"hypothetically..." he paused, staring directly at you.

"hypothetically..." you confirmed.

"hypothetically if someone, other than reo from the soccer team—just as an example lets say...yoichi ! remember hypothetically speaking—asked you out on a date what would your answer be?"

huh?

"what kind of question is that?"

"a hypothetical one" he said matter of factly.

"a hypothetical one, right, well if—hypothetically of course—i was asked out by isagi, om a date that is...i don't know...yeah? I guess i'd day yes?"

"really, you would?" he looked surprised and you suddenly felt alarmed, was that a bad thing or something??

"yeah? i mean no, not really—maybe not if he asked the way your friend did..."

"mhm"

??? again, what does that mean?

A moment of silence passed between the two of you and you tried and failed at going back to the work you were supposed to be doing in the first place.

"what about chigiri?" he said suddenly.

"chigiri? what do you me—"

"chigiri. pretty, has red hair, plays on varsity and is super fast? chigiri. would you say yes too him?"

"i mean, maybe, yeah he's definitely not ugly and i guess if i knew him well enough I would probably say yes—why are you asking me this?"

barou said nothing and suddenly, the strangest thing began to happen—he looked at you smiling—a large, uncanny smile resembling a creepypasta monster formed from on his face, your heart began to beat but for the wrong reasons.

"wake up yn" it was definitely barou's voice but it sounded far.

"huh?" you couldn't move, and you now realize you probably couldn't move for a while.

what...is happening...

"wake. up."

your head shot up from your arms, ans you looked around disorientedly.

oh...

up untill about the last 30 seconds you were a bit disappointed it had to end. your dream that is.

"yn", a voice—much deeper than you recall im your fantasies spoke out to you as you felt a tap on your shoulder.

it was barou. the real barou.

"i baroued your charged?" he said holding it out towards you. (an's. IM HALARIOUS LAMOSJKWIS)

"oh. right sorry, thanks." you took the cord from him. but he didn't leave, still looming over you in his tall stature he spoke again.

"uh, you got a little.." he pointed to the corner of his lip, scratching at it in expectation for you to do the same.

you did, softly at first, not really sure what is it he was implying but quickly realized what he meant after you felt a crusty dry substance still left from your unconscious.

oh..

oh !

"ive got drool on my face haven't i" he nodded his head, and you swore you saw grin appear on his face—a real one but he turned and walked away before you could make confirm.

"thanks for the charger yn, see ya later"

his back was facing you now, slowly getting smaller and smaller at he walked away from you.

seriously ! could i be anyless embarrassing for even a second!

im afraid not yn.

because according to barou, he thinks your little moments of embarrassment and humiliation were pretty damn cute.

BAROU is never scared. he hardly ever get worried, he's king and one of the best players in his school, he's top of his class always and struggles—never. so why? why was it now, over some so trivial that he was all thoes things he never gets all at once?

1 week later, in the classroom.

barou felt weird.

the truth is, he didnt need a partner for the social studies project. his teacher was allowing groups of two or singles all the same. his reasoning behind why he wanted a partner is what was scaring him.

after almost an entire year, barou realized that you not only were in his math class, but his social studies as well. and his history, and biology—even his orchestra ( he plays cello in case you were wondering ).

he realized that you were everywhere.

barou, for the first time was recognizing someome else, not on the team, not an adult, but a girl, he was acknowledging a girl, as more than nothing.

it was weird.

"yn."

you peered up at him, wide-eyed and adorable. "work with me on the project"

your eyes, (e/c) and beautiful, got impossibly larger.

"yeah—uh—sure we can"

he gave a thumbs up, and went back to his seat.

what am i doing?

"i dont know, maybe we can exchange numbers instead?"

"yeah thats better, since im hardly on social media anyways"

even though you've got so many followers..

"alright cool"

you and barou were in the library, again. instead of dreaming about his muscles however, you were watching them in real time move for your phone and yours the same.

there wasnt mych said after that, only short words to communicate what part of the project you both were supposed to work on, untill...

"yn?"

"yes" and once again, you were looking at him, wife eyed and adorable.

"i've got a question to ask you"

no way, did i fall asleep again?

you sucked in a breath, and pinched your cheeks, not paying any attention to the words that might come out of his mouth.

"ow!" nope, you were definitely awake.

barou raised an eyebrow and couldn't hold himself in. he burst out laughing and you we're glad the library waw empty, because in all his seriousness—barou's laugh was loud. like the sort of thing you'd been holding in for a while.

"what yn, afraid you're gonna fall asleep again?"

your cheeks heated up an intense amount.

"no..."

"you're funny you know, really funny"

"huh?!" you squeaked, shifting all over in your chair. "what does that mean"

barou leaned in close to your face, so close that your noses were touching.

"it means..." he tilted hid head sidewards, waiting for your permission.

"i think you're the stupidest most adorable person to exist..." you didn't move away.

and like a shock, barous lips were on yours so softly it made it feel very much like a dream, but it wasn't.

an's. i know this is not himmm, he wouldn't even look at you after a supposed fake letter i knooow, i couldn't think of a better way to force it ( i was lazy ) and he's cute let me live.

an's. i rushed the end i knoww, leave me alone. i like writing for personal enjoyment shhhhhh.

[crkstuffidk]

So in my boredom I could've been building more Lore for my current au, or even atleast thinking of Redesign ideas for Fire Spirit, but did I do either of those things? Not at all, infact I made another au where a what if the beasts and ancients swapped, in this the Ancients corrupted soul jams are the opposite of the beasts original virtues. Anyways here their new names and info I guess about them.

Pure Vanilla and the Light Of Truth became Immoral Saint Vanilla or just Immoral Vanilla and Force of Ignorance. He literally just doesn't do anything to help cookies anymore or just chooses to be unaware, and usually is laughing as he watches his friends torture innocents. He's a 'great' guy though.

Dark Cacao and the Light Of Resolution became Berserker of the North or The North Berserker and Force of Prohibition/Restraint I cant decide which one sounds better. He is probably the one that tortures the innocents the most, and he relishes in it, usually killing them slow and painfully.

Hollyberry and the Light Of Passion became Toxic Yewberry and Force of Misery. She's often called insane by cookies, she does end up 'befriending' Pitaya Dragon but instead of them becoming nicer and more tolerant to cookies, together they cause misery to not only her Kingdom, but also any cookies that try to stand in her way. She has no clue what to do about her son, daughter-in-law, and grandkids though, currently she keeps them alive just to have them watch the misery she causes.

Golden Cheese and the Light Of Abundance become Dreadful cheese and the Force of Constance. Her Kingdom is set in the old times just like the others rather than having technology and that stuff, she also tends to keep everything the same, and if one of her residents die, thats the only time she'd allow change to happen but she's certainly annoyed by it. Like Pure Vanilla she doesn't do anything but dare someone question her role, they don't die but are instead thrown into a dungeon, unless of course the person questioning her is one of her very important staff members then they just get turned into a golden statue where they remain for who knows how long, usually until Dreadful Gold needs them specifically for something.

White Lily and the Light Of Freedom become Wilted Faerie and Force of Dissension. She refuses to see any of her 'friends' If she even dare call them that, and instead stays in the Faerie Kingdom where the remaining faeries that haven't died from questioning her abide every word she says, which usually means no having conversations with the other faeries unless it's needed for one of their assigned jobs, if they talk about anything else she would usually cause flowers to bloom in their mouths muting them entirely only able to be removed if they are plucked out, but the flowers don't let anyone besides her touch them, so if they are plucked out its if she wants them to and only if she wants them to. Yes they can breath and eat with the flowers, as it's only in their mouths and there's gaps within the flowers that allows them too, Wilted Faerie hates seeing bodies of cookies in her kingdom as it ruins the appeal of the Silver kingdom, so she is extremely strategic with the punishments of the faeries, if too many bloom causing restriction of airflow or being able to eat she'll pluck some out. Side note: I got a bit disturbed writing this but I think it makes sense with her in-game powers.

Yes the Corrupted ancients get sealed in the silver tree just like the beasts did, and also the ancients lived in beast-yeast just like the beasts did, the beasts or now called Divine Saviors live in Crispia. Wilted Faerie is now being kept in imprisonment by her citizens and probably can still see or atleast hear when Elder Faerie gets named the title of king now.

Now onto the beasts who are called the Divine Saviors. Side note: I came up with the other beasts Pre Corruption names today which is why I didn't use them in my last post with pre corruption beasts. But Shadowmilks I made a post of earlier, anyways let's get started on them.

Shadow Milk and the Power Of Deceit went back to being Myrtille Milk and the Virtue Of Knowledge. He lives where the Dark Cacao Kingdom is in the game, He's generally a great leader, sometimes has his nose in books to much but generally he's a great guy. On occasion he does put on shows for the youth of the Berrymilk kingdom. side note: I was almost tempted to name it the berries and cream Kingdom, or the Milky Kingdom. Anyways he's pretty great, and quite protective of his friends. meaning the crap Clotted Cream pulled on the ancients in game ain't going to go well if he pulls that crap with the Divine Saviors as they all are extremely protective of eachother. Yes he fought the two dragons and also the prowler, well he more of tamed the prowler.

Burning Spice and the Power Of Destruction went back to being Calming Spice and the Virtue Of Change, He lives where Golden Cheese used to, and like in GCs kingdom in game it has technology the other kingdoms don't have yet. He's a very relaxed ruler, his name is literally Calming Spice what would you expect. Again he's protective of his friends and would lose his cool if Clotted Cream pulled the crap he did in Cookie Odyssey. The Golden Kingdom is called The Kingdom Of Spice in this AU

Eternal Sugar and the Power Of Sloth go back to being Ethereal Sugar and the Virtue Of Happiness. Her Kingdom is where Hollyberrys is in game but now it's called The Ethereal Kingdom of Paradise(long names for the kingdoms is common in this AU) She's an amazing leader and almost everyday will visit the orphanages I'm her kingdom and sing the orphans lullabies while she flies just slightly above the ground with them in her arms, side note: the orphanages are pretty great in her kingdom and take amazing care of the orphans. The same as the others she protective of her friends and would be the one to probably throw herself at Clotted Cream just like Dark Cacao.

Mystic Flour and the Power Of Apathy went back to being Serene Flour and the Virtue Of Volition. She'd be in the same place as Hollyberry in Cookie Odyssey, meaning she holds Ethereal Sugar back from attacking Clotted cream, although she feels the same way she just doesn't want violence. Her Kingdom is where the Vanilla Kingdom is, its called The Kingdom of Flowing Flour. She is notorious for healing in her kingdom and is known to be an extremely doting queen.

Silent Salt and the Power Of Silence went back to being Noble Salt and the Virtue Of Solidarity. He lives nowhere in particular, he usually travels around a lot, but usually stays around where Blueberry Yogurt Academy is in game, it isn't named anything different because in this AU it was created after Myrtille Milk became king, and MM actually Created it with Blueberry Yogurt for the future Healers/Magic users Noble Salt also occasionally lives with MM usually only during Winter until spring comes along and he can continue exploring.

Other honorable mentions for this AU: 1st of all, since Creme Republic isn't necessarily tied to any Kingdom it and the residents of it stayed the same hence why Clotted Cream is still an annoying cookie. 2ndly, so far I haven't yet made the decision if Noble Salt becomes whatever this AUs Dark Enchantress will be called, so currently every things very sunshine and rainbows. 3rd of all, Parfaedia is a college in this au, and BYA is like an Elementary/Middle school, maybe even High School(don't ask how Cream Puff is in Parfaedia then in this au, I haven't thought about that much). And lastly(for now) Burning Spice x Shadowmilk and Eternal Sugar x Mystic Flour are generally Canon in this AU so are Golden cheese x Hollyberry and Pure Vanilla x Dark Cacao, White Lily is a grumpy women that hates literally everyone so she aint going to be in a relationship in this Au, and Silent Salt is too busy exploring to feel the loneliness of not having a partner plus hes got friends that are in relationships and hes perfectly happy with being their third wheels on occasion, but I probably won't mention the relationships much because this AU is still very much a rough draft or whatever you want to call it. Anyways I'll probably work on the other AU or Fire Spirits redesign later.

[faerynova]

Thank u for the beautiful GenRex art and for loving holiday it's so nice to see her being appreciated 💕💕💕💕💕🥰🥰🥰🥰

i have. so many emotions about holiday. feral scientist. her "hey rex technically im not allowed to do this but can you pretty please get me a specimen sample while youre on your mission thank you sweetie love you stay safe :)" energy kills me

do you ever think about the fact that shes gotta be in her early-mid thirties, so she has a 15+ year age gap with beverly, meaning that she likely was already in a caretaker role for her little sister, and then beverly went evo at 13 and then she got put in charge of rex when he was 14 and there was absolutely no way on this godforsaken earth she WOULDNT get attached to this kid and become his mom

do you ever think about the fact that she knows shes only a stand-in for whoever rexs real parents are and for the longest time she dreaded the day they find out about his past and he decides he doesnt need her anymore because he has his "real" family but then would feel so guilty for thinking that

do you ever think about the sleepless nights she must have because shes complicit in rex's treatment (abuse) by providence and whatever she does to alleviate his situation will never be enough compared to his every day life and yet rex trusts and loves her and she wants to give him the world but she CANT and AAAAAAAAA

[magnoliamyrrh]

lmao my stepdad was going to leave to roamnia and i was so fucking excited and feeling a lil better but. nope. nope. not anymore 🙃

[sturniolotrip-samandcolby-lover]

Matt sturniolo -enchanted

About-Y/N and her best friends go to a movie premiere where a secret reveals itself in a moment of need

Warnings -mention of anxiety, anxiety attack .Not proof read

My first ever fanfic please be kind 😅 not sure how I feel about it please comment and like .Any tips would be appreciated . Loosely based off the song enchanted by Taylor swift .

Word count -722

"forcing laughter , faking smiles"

I've been dreading this night for weeks .Ever since my good friends nick, Matt and Chris invited me to go with them to the new scream premiere.I stared at myself in the mirror my pale skin glowed and my smokey eyeshadow and red lip complimented my green dress perfectly.

My Auburn hair fell into its natural waves and rested down my back , stopping at my waist.I looked amazing but with my anxiety and knowing that I'd be seeing Matt very shortly, I certainly didn't feel amazing .I contemplate excuse in my head on why I have to cancel last minute .My phone ringing brings me out of my state ...it's Nick "hey we're outside , hurry up Matt's stressing about being late."He says already sounding fed up with his blue eyed brother ." Coming now" I say with a half hearted laugh as I grab my bag and head for the door.

"i was enchanted to meet you"

After Matt barely sticking to the speed limit we arrive at the premiere in time .Their manager Laura quickly met us explaining that I was welcome to walk the carpet and get my photo taken along with the triplets and after will have to wait for them at the side so they can finish the carpet themselves.

I smile for the cameras with Chris to my left , Matt to my right and nick the other side of Matt .I smiled at the flashes when deep down all I wanted is to be in the safe place of Matt's car.

I start to walk to the of the carpet to stand behind a make shift wall waiting for my 3 best friends to finish their photos .I stood and admired how they looked .They looked so handsome but Matt ... well he looked so angelic, he made my breaths shallow as he looked over at me with his perfect smile on show .I have always loved Matt in fact it's safe to say in love with Matt.They start walking towards me , finishing on the carpet .My eyes are completely lost in Matt's as they walk closer to me .I am completely enchanted by him , I could never have the courage to tell him.I will always just be his friend .

" wishing you was at my door , I'd open up and you would say hey"

We make our way to the theatre ready to watch the film .I sit in the middle of Matt and nick with Chris on the other side of Nick.We settle down and the film begins.I try to focus on the slasher film but the way Matt's hand is so close to mine I can feel the heat radiating of it and the anxious voice in my head reminding myself that I'm a burden to the 3 boys I love so much , doesn't allow me to enjoy the film .

My heart starts to race .my chest starts to feel tight .I feel like i cant catch my breath.My hand that was once so close to Matt's is now sweaty.Im having a anxiety attack , i need to get out of here i tell myself ."im just going to the bathroom" i whisper to matt quickly.Before i can hear his response im walking down the stairs and out of the theatre door.

I get out into the theatre lobby and it's so quiet you could hear a pin drop.With my head running in circles I sit on the plush seats before I faint.I hear the door close and I see Matt , my sweet Ocean eyed Matt walking towards me .I can't do this conversation right now ."y/n what's wrong" he says ."not now Matt" I say with tears streaming down my face ."is it your anxiety?" He asks looking concerned at my distressed state.I nod my head in response "it's not just that , I can't stand it anymore" I say in-between sobs "what are you talking about?" He asked confused." I can't be your friend anymore it kills me being so inlove with you and knowing that you wouldn't feel the same , it physical hurts my chest to know that matt." I exclaimed with added tears running down my face

He looks at me so blankly it feels like I'm waiting a life time for him to say something.He doesn't , instead he wipes a tear off my face and the next thing I know our lips are crushed against each others and the whole world feels like it's spinning .I pull that , I can't believe that just happened.

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to the very lovely friends who have relentlessly sifted through tumblr archives to recover them, thank you all so much!! ♡

Bittersweet

As soon as you wake that morning, you know what day it is, and the dread that has been following you for the past week sinks its hooks into you. Gentle snores stir you from the immediate daze of grief, your eyes travelling down to the man sleeping beside you. An angel, your love, but not your first.

Kicking your feet out of the bed, your gaze lands on yours and his leather jackets that are strewn on the chair against the wall. You shake your head and stand, shuffling over to the closet and grabbing the only dress you still own, the one you saved. On your way out of the bedroom you pick up your towels; the journey to the bathroom passes in a blur.

Running water is a normality that makes the day even worse. Such a simple bridge between the apocalypse and the world that lived before it.

Once you’re washed, you step into the dress and brush your hair. It isnt until the summer breeze meets your face as you step outside that you truly accept what is happening. The basket hanging from your arm is emptier than it should be, but that cant be helped; it isnt as easy to pack when supplies are rationed. There is a pistol and a dagger in there, which wouldnt have usually inhabited it, but that cant be helped either.

Saviours watch you, some with curiosity, some with concern, but none of them approach you. They’ve been instructed not to, not today.

You wander aimlessly for about an hour before you find a forest clearing filled with flowers. Crouching down into the soft grass, you take a deep breath and start picking them. Not all of them, just some. Enough to weave together and make a chain, which takes its rightful place on your head.

Lifting your gaze to the sky, the sun warms your face in a way that is wrongly familiar. When you force your eyes back down, the sound of children’s laughter teases your ears, an echo of a time that is long gone. That memory is enough for you to stand back up and begin your walk back to the Sanctuary.

You sense his eyes on you, watching from the balcony, but you dont have the strength to engage with him yet, and he understands.

Returning to your bedroom, you sit on the bed and stare out of the window, your empty basket sitting beside you. Slow, heavy tears begin to fill your eyes, straining them until you’re forced to blink and break the flood barriers. But you dont shatter, your expression remains vacant, your vision stays unfocussed, and the leather jacket you usually wear everyday is untouched.

By the time you’re brought back to reality, it’s dark outside. The sound of Negan closing the door surprises you, but your soul is in the middle of being forced back inside your body; you dont jump.

“Hey sweetheart, how’re you doin’?”

You dont reply, and he sighs. Negan picks up your basket and places it on the floor, before sitting down beside you.

“I knew as soon as I woke up without you and saw your jacket there.” He explains, but you know he remembered, he just doesnt want to admit it because he doesnt want you to know he’s been thinking and worrying about it.

You nod wordlessly.

“Did you hear them again?”

A stabbing pain pierces your chest and you squeeze your eyes shut, nodding again. The children. Your children. The ones you lost.

“Shit doll, Im sorry, I didnt mean-“

You cut him off. “It’s fine, they arent mine anymore.”

Negan frowns. “Of course they are!”

You shake your head. “No. When they died, when he died, the version of me that they knew died with them. She couldnt have lived with that pain.”

Negan wraps an arm around you. “Listen to me (Y/N), you can warn me as much as you like that today you’re gonna say shit you dont necessarily mean, but just because it’s your anniversary doesnt mean Im gonna set let hurt yourself like this. Those kids will forever be yours, that man will forever be your first husband, and they would be damn proud of you for staying strong through the end of the world!”

For the first time today, you turn to look at him, and you see the same adoration in his eyes that’s there every other time he sees you. Despite you dressing like your old self and acting completely out of character for the person you’ve become, Negan still recognises you. Of course he does.

“As a matter of fact-“ Negan continues. “-I know they’re all damn proud of you! They’re sitting up there-“ He points out of the window, up at the stars. “And they’re smiling down on you sweetheart, they always will be.”

You follow his gesture and stare into the night. “Is it wrong for part of me to be glad that none of them lived? They werent cut out for what the world’s become, they would have had to change just like I did, but they got to die as the pure, lovely souls they had always been.”

Negan shakes his head. “It isnt wrong. The fact that you can have a somewhat optimistic outlook on what you’ve gone through shows how strong you really are, and that is something you have always been.”

You lean into him and take a deep breath, taking in his scent and allowing his words into your head as the flower crown slips off it and lands on the sheets.

“Thank you.”

Your voice is quit, your tone even, and the tears have stopped falling. The peace that occurs at the end of this day ever year has finally reached you.

Negan kisses the top of your head. “You dont need to thank me doll, I know today’s never easy for you, I’ll always do what I can to take some of that burden off you.”

You sigh, smiling gently. A moment of comfortable silence passes.

“Lucille is incredibly proud of you too, y’know.” You pull away from him slightly to see his face.

Negan chuckles. “She’s laughing up there, wondering how I landed a dime like you, and so am I.”

You cant help but blush and laugh at him. “Who knew it would be possible to have two soulmates in one lifetime?”

Negan rests his forehead against you. “Not me, but Im gonna make sure you’re my last.”

[staticl0ve]

Commentary ask thingy thing thing

So I’ve split it into two sections because WHY the hell is your work SOOO satisfying to reAD LIKE WHAT POLEASE STOP I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMOR

Exile Chapter 2

“Okay.” You nod. As a single tear slips down your cheek, Caiden squashes the urge to wrap you in his arms. He wants to tell you he’s kidding and that this is a poorly thought out joke. Instead, he listens to the clinking of you grabbing your things and barely hears the door as it shuts. Without you, the space in his condo feels emptier, colder.

Soft, warm colors wrap around a dying bouquet, giving them a burst of romantic color. As night falls, the oranges and pinks fade to darkness. Water drips down the edges of a bathroom sink. On the counter are two toothbrushes. One’s hastily placed on a rolled up tube of toothpaste and the other is dry and resting in its holder.

Past a series of dark hallways and through a doorway, a figure tosses and turns in bed, displacing sheets. Sleep takes Caiden eventually and he lies on his side with a hand that extends to where you once laid

And Exile Chapter 3

Caiden’s footsteps don’t quite meet the ground. His limbs are light one second and heavier than lead the next. With a hand outstretched for balance, he almost knocks into a vase by the door. He’s in his condo and also, not. The entrance of his home opens up to the multicolored glow of the boardwalk. He spots you standing in between the doorway. Your hand is outstretched, a wad of airy and pale pink candy raises to his lips. You tell him to give it a try and he accepts, tasting summer and tangy sweetness.

“What do you think?” you ask, eyes bright and full of joy.

Caiden stands up straighter, feels more of his agency returning to his body. He cups your face to wipe away a streak of pink and squeezes your cheek.

“I think… I could do this forever,” he replies.

Your brows raise, but you don’t say anything else and tug his hand past the door and invite him into the noise of the boardwalk. Waves crash and hit the docks, seagulls soar overhead. He follows you willingly into the warm glow and doesn’t bother looking back.

The door to the condo remains open. Neon lights scatter around a glass vase. It shimmers as the colors refract around water and is broken up into soft shadows by the stems of a new bouquet. Petals flutter as a breeze picks up and the door clicks shut.

Meet me in the afterglow.

😭😭 You’re too sweet!!! 🩵✨🩵✨🩵 Thanks for the ask! A fair warning that this will contain Exile (Sixty/Reader) spoilers.

Commentary Ask Meme | Ask me anything.

For Exile, Chapter 2:

“Okay.” You nod. As a single tear slips down your cheek, Caiden squashes the urge to wrap you in his arms. He wants to tell you he’s kidding and that this is a poorly thought out joke. Instead, he listens to the clinking of you grabbing your things and barely hears the door as it shuts. Without you, the space in his condo feels emptier, colder. Soft, warm colors wrap around a dying bouquet, giving them a burst of romantic color. As night falls, the oranges and pinks fade to darkness. Water drips down the edges of a bathroom sink. On the counter are two toothbrushes. One’s hastily placed on a rolled up tube of toothpaste and the other is dry and resting in its holder. Past a series of dark hallways and through a doorway, a figure tosses and turns in bed, displacing sheets. Sleep takes Caiden eventually and he lies on his side with a hand that extends to where you once laid.

This series is broken up into three parts but the story is told from the middle. Chapter two touches on the beginning and how they know each other, how the relationship began and how it ended up to be where it was in Chapter One.

So with that context, this is the end of Chapter two, the moment we’ve all been dreading: the break up. Sixty’s in a complicated headspace where he greatly enjoys her company but that joy is tainted by his own anxieties about what it means to be so closely tied to another person. In contrast to Connor, who’s married and about to be a father, Sixty can barely stomach the fact that she’s left behind a toothbrush.

I wanted to explore the kind of shifting scale of emotions that can be felt from wanting to be with someone but also the weight of what it means when something is no longer casual (and in his case, it’s stopped being casual for a while). It was his choice to end it, his choice to keep her out of a part of his life and while it’s this gorgeous, rosey pink and soft lavender lighting all around them, the colors don’t match, the feelings are all wrong. In the end… did he make the right choice? Did he already know it wasn’t what he wanted, but it was the quickest way to get him out of a situation and question that he did not want to answer?

Exile, Chapter 3:

Caiden’s footsteps don’t quite meet the ground. His limbs are light one second and heavier than lead the next. With a hand outstretched for balance, he almost knocks into a vase by the door. He’s in his condo and also, not. The entrance of his home opens up to the multicolored glow of the boardwalk. He spots you standing in between the doorway. Your hand is outstretched, a wad of airy and pale pink candy raises to his lips. You tell him to give it a try and he accepts, tasting summer and tangy sweetness. “What do you think?” you ask, eyes bright and full of joy.

It feels like a cop out, but I wanted to end this on a kinda dreamy, symbolic note by bringing the reader back to where Chapter 1 started and the same location where he realized this was more than a fling. I think I wanted the park, the sweetness of the candy, and her asking him for his option to be a way around: what are we now?

Caiden stands up straighter, feels more of his agency returning to his body. He cups your face to wipe away a streak of pink and squeezes your cheek. “I think… I could do this forever,” he replies.

AHA. Finally. The man has confided with his brother, weighed the pros and cons…and while he doesn’t necessarily feel the same certainty that Connor has about love n all that mushy stuff, Sixty at this point, can see the bigger picture. All that matters to him is he gets to be a part of her life and vice versa.

Your brows raise, but you don’t say anything else and tug his hand past the door and invite him into the noise of the boardwalk. Waves crash and hit the docks, seagulls soar overhead. He follows you willingly into the warm glow and doesn’t bother looking back. The door to the condo remains open. Neon lights scatter around a glass vase. It shimmers as the colors refract around water and is broken up into soft shadows by the stems of a new bouquet. Petals flutter as a breeze picks up and the door clicks shut.

This part is still all a dream, so the real answer hasn’t been said, but I wanted to bring back memories of that desolate…sad empty vase, their break up, and have it be refreshed, full, lively once again. Trying to capture the roller coaster of ups and downs in any relationship, how it’s not always going to be that ball of exciting fire and yeah, sometimes…sometimes you gotta remember to add more water to the vase, do something new.

Meet me in the afterglow.

I love music and listened endlessly to the same playlist over and over as I wrote this. Starting from the vibes of Exile and ending with Afterglow. I’m so happy you enjoyed it 💖 I hold that story quite dear to my heart and feel like Sixty’s a great canvas to explore these sort of complexities in someone who’s not typically romantic.

[goremet-chef]

guhh im so bothered rnn (vent/rant)

so... i? idk. ive been out as trans in my house since 2020. my mom doesnt call me dom (sometimes she does if my sibling encourages her to, but she defaults back to my deadname anyways) and ive learned to accept it. i dont think she ever will and its sad for me, the reality that once i start my transition, ill need to just.. leave a lot of my family behind. they think its some rebellious choice like i hate all of them but im more worried about them hating me

my mom says shes supportive but is actively right wing, shes having an inner battle with her ideologies, i know that. i can tell by how she talks about homeless people vs how she talks about us being queer

so. whatever. thats my mom i guess. but for a long time, i wasnt out to my moms husband. i despise him and ive never intentionally started a conversation with him, let alone come out. ive started to not care about what he thinks. i know what he thinks, he thinks gays should die, said it straight to my gay siblings face. okay, cool. doesnt concern me, moms bf is absolutely fucking nothing to me.

to remedy this sort of like... we didnt wanna DEAL with what he might say if he heard both my siblings calling me dom, cuz both of them do, so whenever theyre around they would just refer to my deadname, but i saw it made them cringe, so now everyone calls me 'that one child'

that one, other one, etc etc

no one even calls me my name anymore

it makes me feel so hopeless. ive EXPRESSED it makes me upset but my younger sibling doesnt care (the one most guilty of it), because they dont understand why it upsets me, i guess thats enough reason to keep going

its so dehumanizing to be reduced to actually nothing. i ALREADY have heaps and heaps and HEAPS of identity issues. sometimes it gets so bad i start having crazy ass delusions, sometimes im not even present and its a different part of my mind in my body

its hard enough as is!!! now my family wont call me anything at all

it makes me feel less bad about leaving, but i dont think ill ever leave at this rate

need to start T, change my name, get a job, all in that order. starting T seems impossible at this rate. i.. dont know what to do. i cant keep LIVING like this, because im not living at all

i never leave my house because im too ashamed in how i look, i cant BEAR the thought of anyone else perceiving me as female, i cant fucking do it!!! im so tired. my house is like a prison for me, genuinely.

and my family dont get it, obviously. they think its my choice, im some kind of hermit who doesnt care about being outside because i have internet. they are so fucking wrong. i miss going out, i miss being around people, i miss existing like everyone else, but i just cant do it man. not like this

so it becomes a waiting game, when am i gonna bring up starting it? how do i even move forward once i do? what if she says no? id have to do it on my own but i cant.. i cant even order things for myself without freezing like shutting up will get me out of there, i cant fucking do it

she doesnt even know!! we were in the car together and she was like yknow theres people who cant even make a doctors appointment. what losers.

IM losers, would she have said that if she knew? does she know and decided to say it anyways? i dont know, but its just.. everything seems so hopeless at this point. i want to just give up, accept im not gonna be who i truly am, but man i cant stand being any more miserable

it makes me wanna cry, the only time i get to feel myself how i think i should be is either if i draw something fictitious, or if i spend hours in the mirror making sure i look masculine, my mustache is convincing, etc. AND FOR WHAT? literally for fucking WHAT, because i dont leave the house anyways!!!!! dolled up like i have somewhere to be, like my appearance will get me what i want, when im stuck at home! i got nothing to prove to them, they think what they think

its fucking dreadful. im so scared of my life passing me by, and here i am wasting away in my bedroom for the last 3 years. no progress, nothing. at first, i was scared about even starting T because theres a higher risk of heart disease, but. i dont fucking care if it KILLS me. i dont care!!! if it kills me i dont fucking care im not living the life i want to live anyways. the risk of death is worth it at this point, i mean that so seriously

idk. im just tired, is all. i wish everyone could perceive me the way i dream they would. only time that happens is online, or when im not with my family at all and instead with my friends. but we only hang out like. once in a blue moon

and yknow what? im not even safe then. i remember we were at my friends house for halloween last year (we always meet up). i had my full leatherface costume one, my face was touched up to make it look like the mask. and still. dressed that way, when my friends mom asked me what my name was, i said dom and she was immediately like. "oh, dominique?" no. my name is fucking DOMINIC.

i didnt say anything besides correcting her, but it was such a blow, man. the only time ill be happy is if im closely monitoring every single thing i do, to make sure i dont appear feminine at all. no matter how i look, now matter how deep my voice is. miserable. why would anyone think that id choose this

[saisons-en-enfer]

your traumas and experiences are valid. while living and existing might feel like a unbearably sisyphean task, it is through finding healthy outlets/coping mechanisms that you can pacify such intense memories and ruminations. on behalf of the mutuals know that you are not alone, we care and about you, and love you🍵🫶🏼 wishing you the best on your journey king <3

I appreciate you taking the time and sending this and I just wanted to answer this in a way that is honest to maybe help you understand where I stand, so I do not mean to demean or devalue anything you're saying

Firstly I don't really have healthy outlets/coping mechanism... I've learned the hard way not to ask friends, I don't matter that much for them to keep dealing with my constant distress. I just talk to a therapist but ye, once a week isn't enough and just today when I was speaking to him I made a confession that in the last 6 years, I had numerous times (way too many for my mind to comfortably recall) where I was in such an emotionally suffocating situation that I seriously had thoughts of ending my life. Recently, I seek out help more when it happens but I just feel like people are so desensitized to it and think that I'm acting up for attention, when I can't ever convey to anyone how difficult it is to live life for others, to live life on a thread, on a constant tightrope, because I'm struggling to just stick around for myself.

My primary struggle is that I desperately struggle to find purpose, value, and meaning in my existence, and these are somethings I need because I can't just... be. Because I've mentally touched the void; I've reached such a low point that I don't see or feel beauty and intrigue in the world anymore, I don't feel as vivaciously as before, all I feel is deep sorrow, because I know the world lost it's glow to me and It's not just because the world is going to hell right now, it's because I feel things deeply and having the realization that I have to continue living even when I don't desire it and have to watch everyone I love and care for grow old and fade away and be able to not do anything about it. It's torture...

The problem with purpose is I have to genuinely believe in it or else it'll just crumble into a breakdown and I haven't been successful at finding purpose, at feeling genuine value in my existence.

I made the grave mistake recently of attaching meaning to someone I was in love with in a way that was all too deluded and idyllic and now that that's rightfully fallen through I'm just hurting again. You could say maybe what would give me purpose and value would be love, but I don't know anymore, everyone I've ever loved in my life didn't even feel marginally similar to how I did... besides I'm not someone that catches eyes anyway; I'm not someone people look at twice.

And now I struggle just to exist and continue doing so only because I never want to hurt anyone but I cant begin to explain how difficult it is and how gut-wrenching the sorrow and dread of existence is. I keep having really fucking nightmarish days where I just keep thinking that I can't do it anymore...

I keep continuing but I don't have any hope and I don't believe there is anything good waiting for me in the future... when can I just acknowledge this as a terminal illness and just be allowed to let go... why do people perceive it as preventable when my mind has been so badly damaged it will never be the same again; I find it so impossible to feel or believe anything good or modest about myself:

All I know is misery.

P.S. after years of different therapists, medications, therapeutic approaches, change of life conditions etc. no one has been able to help me ward off the unshakeable thought and "truth": that I will take my life... it may not be today or anytime soon, but I just know it will happen with how intense and unbearable some days get, and those days happen all too frequently and the more they happen the more I just lose my mind and just want to take the leap.

[bunnyb34r]

Trying to explain to mom that it doesn't matter what the activity is, I'm gonna feel extreme dread ab it, when it comes to family events

Like it's not that I don't ever wanna leave the house and do anything, I just don't like being around or talking to my family. I feel more comfortable around complete strangers than I do people I grew up with.

Like I'd love to go to a convention again! I miss being able to! In this hypothetical let's say I'm going to one, I'm excited I cant wait, it's all I'm gonna talk ab, but the second one of my family members aside from mom is coming, I automatically do not want to fucking go. It's ruined in my mind. Any excitement I held is now dread and disappointment.

I feel like I can't be myself around any of them bc i feel like if i say one weird thing, i do one annoying thing, or anything remotely memorable, I will never not hear about it. Everyone in the family now knows. They can/will bring it up at any possible moment.

And even things said in complete confidence. Even things that are so innocuous. Nope fuck you, that doesnt belong to you anymore. It's common property now. It's in the public domain.

I fucking hate it.

And I can't even just reject and reject and reject til they get the hint bc one fucking freak in our family was notorious for being antisocial and HOSTILE with their antisociality that if you even begin to show signs of antisocialness, you get accused of being like The Freak. You'll get "joking" questions like "oh you're not turning into [the freak] are you? Haha ;P"

But it's not a joke. They're really asking.

Then the whole family knows. Now everyone is "concerned" and now everyone sees it as their mission to "get you out of your shell"

Like no I just cant stand yall. I hate the weird cult like dynamic our family has, I hate how I'm not allowed to be ME without someone accusing me of being like [the freak]. I hate that I'm not allowed to not like them. I hate that I'm not allowed to have a personality that doesnt match theirs without fearing I'll be made fun of behind my back, even if its "well intentioned/family teasing"

I don't like people coming into my room bc I feel ashamed of how messy it is bc I'm disabled, but all they see is "wow Mar cant keep her room clean. Gotta bring this up to everyone when talking ab rooms/mar/ or cleaning, for eternity. Wow this is so typical of her, remember when she was little and how messy her room always was? HA HA HA HA HA! SO F U N N Y !"

And theyll all say they wont make fun of my room/ that they understand the mess is bc I'm disabled and have a small room with a bed that takes up all of it, but that doesnt fucking matter when it's suddenly a HILARIOUS relatable moment to bring up

I'm just... I want out