#this is different to just writing something but i'm not explaining how very well lmao

[bigtiddygothhusband]

so it turns out twine is not ideal for playing a ttrpg by yourself. The multiple pathways for the different characters is good, but the custom variables thing is made to be accessed in an actual playthrough of a completed game and i'm using the game builder part as a format for a game. It's still the best method i've come up with, but i can't actually all the changing stats and stuff without popping open a preview and running through the whole thing up to where i am. which right now is not that far but yeah.

[prentissluvr]

tw long rant and swearing!

hey!! if you don't like something i wrote! shut the fuck up and move on!! thanks bye!! no hate is tolerated on this blog :)))

i don't care if you don't like the way i characterized someone in my story!! shut up and get a better hobby than hating on something someone has spent hours creating and pouring love into and accusing them of hating one of their favorite characters because you think that the fic they wrote FOR FUN and NOT FOR YOU is bad characterization/makes the character flawed in a way that you don't like because you have a poor understanding of what makes fanfiction fanfiction (and also humans human tbh lol). sure, they're maybe more flawed than in the actual show, but THATS THE FUCKING POINT OF FANFICTION!!! IS THAT ITS NOT A REAL PART OF THE SHOW!!! AND ITS WRITTEN!!! FOR FUNNNNN!!!!! AND NOT FUCKING FOR YOU AND YOUR FUCK ASS OPINIONS SPECIFICALLY!!!!!!!! and if you think it sucks, i don't care!! you are entitled to your opinion!!!! hate it so so so much but get the fuck over yourself if you think that telling me it's horrible and unrealistic and somehow creating a bad wrap FOR MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IN THIS SHOW is somehow a meaningful usage of your time or gonna get me to delete the fic or stop liking it or stop promoting my own hard work !!!! i'm proud of the things i write and nothing will ever change that. i hope you know what a shitty shitty shitty (and embarrassing) thing it is to do to leave a whole paragraph of hate under someone's hard work just because they interpret a fictional fucking character in a way that you don't like. genuinely genuinely get the fuck over yourself and find a better way to spend your time than caring more about fictional characters than real life people.

[pastorfutureletthembe]

I love YINGDU as it is

I don't think I'll read these interviews everyone is talking about :/ I thought hard about it, I've read the general points of it, but I don't think reading them will make me enjoy YINGDU more. Quite the opposite actually.

Me: thank you but no thank you. Later maybe. Love you, still.

I don't understand why they had to get interviewed to clear things up. By why, I mean, this situation is fucked up and I don't get how things got like this in this industry.

First. Can't the fans just wait and see? We're grownups, stop treating us like children who cried to get a lollipop. We'll still be here next year. Trust your fanbase.

Second... in what kind of world were the animators under pressure to the point they created plot holes and new timelines by accident? I'm extrapolating but, for real, how fucked up is it that they decided to rush a show that popular for the sake of airing it early? I'm sorry, was the money we spend on merch every few weeks not enough? I'm just mad at the production, honestly. Because they made a big mistake.

They're rushing in like bulls in a china shop. The character PVs were a mistake as well. They should have been released after YINGDU, to manage our expectations on characters that were yet to be introduced. I used to think it was an actual teaser, a window on how Lu Guang saw them or what they will become because of Lu Guang's meddling with the timeline. Now, I'm starting to think they needed strong marketing to get people's attention.

The whole thing makes my viewer experience less than optimal. So I'll keep writing meta but I won't take these interviews into account. 🧩Meta is for fun🧩, mere interpretation, only fanon, and that's okay. Meta is gamble. Meta is character study and theories on plot twists.

✨And that's okay✨

We're not suppose to write season 3 in advance. So it makes sense to me to keep having fun on what the show and the official content bring us. But as far as I'm concerned, the interviews didn't happen. It's not denial, just-

When I was studying cinema in university, my teacher once told me a very harsh truth: if you have to explain the sequence you filmed, then you didn't film it right. Sadly, in this context, production limitations were at fault but the lasting impression is the same.

Do you realize how insane it is that a creative team has to spell their work out to their fans? How humiliating it must be? There's revealing easter egg, teasing next season, spilling spoilers on accident, and then there is whatever that was. I feel for the creators and animators who worked themselves to exhaustion to bring something as beautiful as YINGDU to life. Because this season? It isn't perfect and it's inconsistent and different but no one can call it ugly. I would lick my screen because the image does look tasty lmao. My heart bleeds for all the people involved in this season.

Meta is trying to understand and noticing easter eggs, honouring the writers and animators' work X

Of course, that's only my stand on the topic. I might take different directions in my interpretation than others, that's all. Aaaaaand? Yes. That's okay 🥰

As an artist myself, I feel like the situation is kind of disappointing for the people who worked on YINGDU. That's why I'll take the canon as it is. I don't want to mourn what could be or should have been. I want to enjoy what is.

Meta is diving in the depth of symbolism X

As a fan, I get that we're happy with every nugget of information on what's coming next. The lore in Link Click is still blurry and while I honestly want to believe it is an artistic choice and will stay under control, I can't help but fear it's the result of bad writing. But. What if it is? Meh, I'm still here, enjoying myself. Because I love this show as it is, I see the flaws and the beauty in it. I'll be there.

Meta is love and each of us expresses it differently X

[canmom]

Comics mini-Comints: Dungeon Meshi

reread dungeon meshi through to the end. still such a great manga. here are immediate thoughts - if I end up having time and energy I hope I can write something that goes deeper!

ironically i was only a few chapters from the end when I stopped keeping up, but I was struggling to remember all the characters and context, so reading it through in one go was definitely an ideal way to achieve maximum impact there.

ryoko kui does a very elegant job of handling a transition from 'silly antics' to 'big dramatic fantasy' while still keeping the central thematic throughline - eating and being eaten, belonging to an ecosystem, the significance of sacrificing others to achieve your own desires. a lot of setups pay off in a way that feels meticulously planned - and of course the crux of the final showdown revolves around characters attempting to eat each other, of course the big payoff is a huge feast that symbolically unites all the conflicting factions. it is maybe a bit too neat and happy for my taste, but it's undeniably tightly executed - it never loses sight of what it's about. especially compared to something like Frieren, it's an incredibly coherent serialisation, up there with e.g. Fullmetal Alchemist.

kui's art style deserves all kinds of praise - it feels effortlessly simple, but it clearly communicates all sorts of different shapes and body types and it's really fun to see her play around with remixing the different visual elements when she switches the races around. in general Laius's autistic monster loving ways clearly reflect kui's own deeply felt appreciation for all the ways people and animals live (accentuated further by all the extra sketches the scanlators tuck in). in a way you could kinda call it like Parts Unknown the fantasy manga.

the stakes of the final conflict are interesting - there is much to be said about the framing of 'desire' and its fulfilment, of this occult idea of 'the infinite'. lots you could put in relation to other manga, and also buddhism. (in particular I really want to develop a comparison to Made In Abyss, there are so many parallels, it just might be too spicy for tumblr lmao).

one thing I really like about it is how much its fantasy dungeon-exploring setting owes to D&D and other TTRPGs, rather than videogames. monster ecology has been a fascination of that game since the early days of Dragon magazine, and Kui sharply zeroes in on some of the intrinsic conflicts baked in to that fantasy milieu, notably the lifespan thing, while smartly avoiding the traps of 'evil races'. there's some really fun nods to the weirder monster manual entries. and in a story with so many characters and factions, it does a genuinely incredible job of furnishing everyone with understandable, reasonable motivations, conflicts drawn from their context just like the monsters are explained by their ecology.

and one thing that I particularly appreciate is like... how much it is able to simultaneously understand and sympathise with a character and also show us how and why they'd rub others the wrong way. it's impossible not to like our main group, they're all such charming dorks and the manga leads you along with all the crazy rpg party shit they do, but at the same time you definitely find yourself thinking 'guy's got a point' in the kabru chapters lmao. I'm projecting hard bc i don't really know a thing about ryōko kui but laius def feels like the sort of depiction of having an autism that you can only do if you've lived it.

but yeah, it's a fuzzy ending where it all turns out well. but what's the deeper thrust of it all? there's a funny moment where marcille is like 'maybe in the end our journey is about learning to accept death' and the grouchy old gnome guy completely laughs this off as naive, because death doesn't mean anything. and indeed their big plan pays off, and falin does indeed come back just fine. but still, through all of this it asks you to bite the bullet that being a living creature means eating to survive, at the cost of other creatures, with the other side being that one day you too will be eaten. in contrast to this honest way of being is the beguiling fantasy of infinity, where all your desires are immediately fulfilled - this is shown as a dangerous path of corruption that produces madness and manipulability. having limits and rubbing up against the wishes of others, or 'doing things you don't want to do' as izutsumi's arc puts it, becomes necessary for having some kind of definition as a subject. the thing that makes the demon concrete as an entity is a desire, or appetite, that can't immediately be fulfilled.

of course we can connect this to the idea of narrative conflict. a standard advice for putting together a plot is to ask what each character wants and why they can't get it. wanting something implies movement. and indeed over the course of this story, we see that while having too many desires fulfilled too readily leads to incoherence and callousness, equally a character who is left catatonic as their desires have been eaten by the demon must be reawakened to activity by finding a new desire.

it's kinda Buddhist innit. neither the opulence of the palace nor asceticism. desires are what tie you to the world. but mixed with ecology: what a creature does to find the energy to live is what defines its lifestyle, its form.

this is probably where I'd start talking about entropy gradients and shit if i wasn't typing this on a phone at 1:30am lmao.

but yeah - it's a powerful move to go from 'D&D monster recipe show sendup' to 'living with the inherently violent nature of being an organism fated to live in a finite sum game' and yet Dungeon Meshi makes it feel natural and convincing, while remaining tremendously charming and funny throughout. ryōko kui is definitely some kind of genius, and I can't wait to see what her next act is gonna be. it's all definitely making me appreciate the act of eating a lot more.

next story on my plate is probably The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere, which sounds like it will present a very gnarly thematic contrast.

[yuurivoice]

I totally agree on the boo not needing to be the center of the universe. I mean even listener ASMR as a whole kind of comes from the whole fly on the wall concept that then diverts into a fourth wall break! I think it's actually really interesting how lots of people love this kind of stuff (me included) but typical video game or movie fourth wall breaks make them uneasy (Also me...) Maybe it's the thrill, or maybe it's just the difference on how the piece of media portrays the atmosphere!

one thing I would like your opinion on tho, is what you think of like?? mary sue type beat characters?? That's definitely not the right term, and in no way am I implying that's what boo is I just don't know what term would be better to use to explain the type of character im trying to explain lmao 😞 I feel like when every bad thing that happens is centered around the listener, it makes for a boring narrative, but I also think that when nothing at all bad happens to them ever, it kind of turns the character invincible, and like less human? if that makes sense at all 😭🙏 Not so much as major traumatic life events, but like.. listener fumbling and missing an opportunity, or just minor inconveniences that kind of reminds you that oh right they exist. like anyone can trip on a root and eat dirt, and it's equally hilarious! I think that's probably a very delicate balance, and I think you stay on that tightrope pretty well! I was just wondering

Have an amazing day!!

I think there are levels to this answer so I'll work through some layers.

From a creator's POV, a sad (or happy) truth is that your average listener is looking for and expecting a very simple, accessible, straightforward experience. I think this can often lead to unambitious writing, hitting all the high spots and delivering a basic package to the listener. I was certainly guilty of this in many cases, and since becoming more experienced and less strained by my ADHD, I've been able to take more chances and time. But a lot of folks might not have the desire to!

Next layer is, writing for a listener character is hard. Writing it BADLY is hard. Writing it well is a challenge. I'm not even talking about making them a character or having them be interesting, I'm talking about the mechanics of telling a story with an entire character who doesn't speak, but DOES speak. You have to master context clues, master your understanding of the audience (ie can they read my context clues?), and challenge yourself to get creative with how you deliver information. It's really tough!

A hindrance for me was that so much of what I do hinged on a romantic scenario or outcome. I was stuck in the "well how does this end up getting horny" of it all. Which has made me a career, so I'm not complaining, but also I recognize how one note it can make a character like Rook for example. Boo has the advantage of being the bridge between two characters, their influence is a big deal, their choices have significant impact. Rook is solely dealing with Auron, which makes for great smut, a bit of drama, and romance as we have dug more into Auron's character...but Rook hasn't DONE a ton OR had much happen to them. We're getting there, and thankfully there's a core audience that has bought all the way in purely on the basis of the romance hitting right. But we're getting to the fun stuff and soon my philosophy change will also reflect on Rook.

Casper was the first listener that really had a dose of "I need you to do/be something for the plot" and it has worked out really well. It was my first case of knowing they had stuff going on that wasn't readily known or made clear but needed to be hinted at. They had a job, a reason for it, a reason for not being obvious about it, and it impacted the world around them. That was good practice.

As for just stuff happening more, I can't speak for everyone but I can absolutely admit that I put a hard cap on the amount of shit going on in my audios for a long time because editing and sound designing all that mess is so much time and effort. For me, as I struggled to focus and get work done for so long, I couldn't just...add a little shenanigan or two, because it seemed like soooooo much work. It would put me off of doing it all. And then it becomes a cost analysis. Do I potentially waste days of procrastination and misery on 30 seconds of a thing in an audio that no one would miss if it wasn't there? Do I do it when there's a deadline looming as well? When I haven't got an upload for Monday?

...you see how easy the choice to ditch it becomes. I reckon there's probably a lot of that going on as well. Plus! I always want it to sound good, and I didn't trust myself to make shit sound good anyway. I would have felt in many cases I actively made the content worse.

Ultimately, I think people just want a pretty voice to talk at them. But there's vast potential for storytelling and adventure AND pretty voices talking to you! 😂

There is a strong crop of creators who are doing good work and honing their craft. It took me 8 years to get here. I finally hit a level where I feel I'm doing the kind of work that I can truly sit back and say I'm proud of it, that I'm not critical of or have any excuses for. It's challenging, and tricky, and time consuming. Not to mention I wouldn't even be here without tons of help.

I think that ultimately writers have to consider not what makes a listener cool or active or unique, but what makes them impactful and helps you tell the story you want to tell. And sometimes that means listener just needs to be talked pretty to and imagine they're being whisked away on a pirate ship, or snuck away at a ball, or in the middle of a meet cute at a bookstore. Less can absolutely be more. But when you do want more, you have to figure out what listener wants. Why do they want it? How do we convey that to the listener in ways that aren't always just being spoken to and told how to feel?

The rest will follow.

A fun example I've got right now is what I'm up to with Faust's Evalas Origin and the listener there. I actually got to apply a little more of my "oh I guess I CAN put in the effort to show this" philosophy by realizing i could add an entire sequence that was purely a listener interaction without the main character so we wouldn't have a "oh you're telling me what happened" moment and instead the listener gets to experience it from their POV before paths converge.

That's the one benefit of entries that won't require as much art, I can lean more into the audio doing the storytelling instead of the visuals.

Okay. Wow. Big yap. There ya go. 😂

[deadforprettyboys]

2nd time EVER writing something, wish me luck!

'I Bumped Into My Nemesis In A Hallway And All I Got Was An Australian Himbo Boyfriend' by Fall Out Boy - G.Waller x Reader

warnings: banter, arguing kinda, lil itty bitty bit of angst! kinda hints towards smut?? minors dni!!

(not proofread lmao)

Grayson walked down the halls of this week's Smackdown arena, championship belt on his shoulder, confidence (or arrogance) as prominent as ever. He had no plans for a match or even an appearance this evening, so he found himself aimlessly wandering the hallways, when all of a sudden he bumps into his so-called arch nemesis, because it wouldn't be a fanfiction if he just paced the arena for an hour.

"Well, if it isn't Y/N," Grayson sneers. "I should have figured you'd be in my way somehow. Do us both a favor and stay out of my path in the future, yeah?"

Y/N meets him with a "Love you too, Waller." before even a beat can pass. "Watch where you're going, dickhead. We both know this isn't my fault. How about instead you stay out of my way so that I don't have to kick your ass!" Y/N sneers right back at him. 

Grayson rolls his eyes, clearly unamused by Y/N's response. "Oh, please, spare me the empty threats. You're not gonna do anything, you know that. You're lucky I even acknowledge your presence."

"Oh please, as if I give half a damn whether you 'acknowledge' me or not. 'Oh, Grayson, you're so important, please pay attention to me, I'm begging you!' God, grow up, asshat." Y/N mocks, hoping to get a rise out of him.

Grayson scoffs at Y/N's mockery, his expression hardening with annoyance. "You really know how to push my buttons, don't you? But let me tell you something, sweetheart. When you're the Aussie Icon, people begging for your attention is the norm. And trust me, you're not the only one who's grown up, I'm just on a whole different level." He smirks with an annoying amount of confidence.

"You act like a 30-something year old frat boy who peaked in high school but still wants to seem cool to the 'youngins'. And that haircut isn't helping, babe." Y/N knows she's lying through her teeth just to make him mad, but all's fair in love and war, right?

Grayson's nostrils flare as he grows more irritated by the minute. "First of all, I'm not some old codger stuck in the past. And as for my haircut, I'll have you know that it's a classic style. I guess you wouldn't know anything about that, with your boring, uninspired look."

"Haha, very original insult. Calling my style boring, really? You don't have anything better up there in that ol' noggin of yours? Come on, now." Y/N feels a pang of guilt being this mean to Grayson, sure, they squabble often but it's all in good fun. But this almost feels a bit too far, like she needs to lighten the mood a little. But she doesn't, only continues to egg him on.

Grayson's annoyance turns into anger as he clenches his fists, trying to maintain his composure. "Oh, you want originality, huh? How about this, I've seen more personality from a brick wall than from you. You're plain and forgettable, just like your insults."

That stung a bit. Hearing the guy you've been hopelessly crushing on for 2 years say you're forgettable? Ouch. She'd almost believe it, too, if this didn't happen every week.

"Yeah, yeah, don't forget, I'm gross, annoying, always in your way, etcetera etcetera. Admit it, Waller, you're obsessed with me. How else are you literally ALWAYS bumping into me, huh? care to explain?" She prodded. 

"Obsessed? Me? Please. I have much better things to do than pay attention to you. You're just... unfortunately always there. And if I do bump into you, it's only because you're constantly standing in my way. You're like a thorn in my side, a mosquito buzzing in my ear." Grayson tried to convince both Y/N and himself, though they both knew it was a lie.

"And I'll continue being that thorn in your side as long as I live. I get such a kick out of watching you lose your temper, it's absolutely hilarious!" Finally, something to lighten the banter a little. Y/N giggles after her sentence just to rub in the point a bit more.

"Oh, I bet you do. You get some sort of sick satisfaction out of getting under my skin, yeah? Well, guess what? I'm not going to give you the satisfaction. I'll stay calm and above it all, no matter how much you try to annoy me."

"Way too late, babe. You've already lost it once." Y/N grins. "Let's see how long you can keep up the act, huh?" Y/N smirks up at him, knowing he can't keep his cool forever.

"Don't call me babe," Grayson says through gritted teeth. "And I haven't lost anything. I'm in full control of my emotions. I may have gotten irritated at your childish behavior, but that doesn't mean anything. I can keep this up all night, so don't test me."

Y/N smiles wide, "oookay, babe, let's give it a try, then!" She begins lightly tapping him on his arms and chest, trying to get on his nerves as much as possible. Grayson's jaw tightens as he struggles to keep his temper in check. He takes a deep breath, attempting to stay calm. "Do you really think your little taps are going to bother me? I'm not some fragile flower that's going to snap just because you touch me."

Y/N frowns. "Aw, bummer. I was really hoping you'd just shatter in front of me so I didn't have to look at that face any more. What a shame."

Grayson's temper flare even more, his patience wearing thin. "Shatter? You wish. I'm tougher than you could ever imagine. And my face, you know you're secretly jealous of my good looks. Admit it. You can't keep your eyes off me." 

"Very funny, Waller. You'd be one to talk, huh? I've seen you staring at me from across the room more times than I can count. What's the deal with that, anyway? Am I so pretty you can't stand it? Do you like me so much you have to steal a glance whenever I'm around?"

Grayson glares at Y/N, his cheeks slightly flushed. "What? Me staring? That's ridiculous. I don't... I mean, yeah, you're attractive, but that doesn't mean anything. It's not like I'm... it doesn't matter. Shut up." He looks away, embarrassed. Y/N can't help but find it endearing.

"Woooow, I finally got the cocky, arrogant boy all flustered, huh? Lucky me. How cute." Y/N smiles, a genuine one for once, rather than a smirk.

"Shut up," Grayson growls, trying to regain his composure. "You didn't get me flustered. Don't think so highly of yourself, princess. I just wasn't expecting you to bring up me... noticing your appearance. That's all."

"You brought it up first, did you not? And hey, I couldn't have noticed you staring if I didn't look over at you now and then, right? I never denied it when you accused me of staring, did I?" She's playing with fire now, but it feels so good. This could go one of two ways, horribly wrong, or horribly right. 

Grayson swallows hard, feeling embarrassed at being called out. "Fine, so maybe I've looked once or twice. It doesn't mean anything. I'm not some lovesick puppy drooling over you. I just... I happened to notice you, that's all."

"Right, right, and the sky is gray. You're obsessed with me, Grayson. Admit it."

Grayson huffs, clearly annoyed at Y/N's insistence. "I'm not obsessed with you! I'm the Aussie Icon. I have admirers and fans lined up at my feet. I could have anyone I want. I don't need to be obsessed with you."

"You certainly don't need to be obsessed with me. But you sure do seem to be. Hell, you're right. You could have anyone you want. So then, why don't you?"

Grayson opens his mouth to respond, but closes it again, clearly flustered by the question. He crosses his arms in a defensive gesture. "It's... complicated, alright? I don't have the time or patience for relationships, okay? I'm focused on my career and becoming the best. I don't need the distraction."

For all she knew, it could've been the way he phrased it, or the fact that she was finally letting herself be a little bit vulnerable, who knows. But that hurt. And she chose to believe him this time. "Right, of course." Y/N frowns slightly, trying once again to hide her true feelings. "Good luck becoming the best, Gray." She began walking away, not wanting to deal with her slowly breaking heart in front of the one who's breaking it.

Grayson watched as Y/N walked away, a pang of guilt tugging at his chest. He hesitated for a moment, his mind and heart both racing.

Then, he suddenly called out. 

"Wait!"

She turned around slowly, scared to hear what he may say next. "What's the problem now?" She manages to stutter out.

Grayson rubs the back of his neck, looking uncharacteristically uncomfortable. He takes a moment to gather his thoughts before speaking again. "I... Look, I didn't mean to be such a dick, okay? And I don't just see you as some thorn in my side. You're more than that, whether I want to admit it or not." He starts walking towards Y/N slowly, trying to make up the distance from her leaving before.

"Grayson, are you running a fever or something? Is this a prank? Is there a hidden camera?" She had never seen him be so honest, so vulnerable. She didn't know what else to do other than make dumb jokes to lighten the mood.

Grayson laughs softly, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly. "No, I'm not running a fever and there's no camera. I'm serious. I've just... I've never been good at expressing my feelings, okay? I always act like a jackass because it's easier that way. It's a defense mechanism or something."

"I could say the same about acting like a jackass, honestly. It's so much easier."

Grayson smirks, a hint of humor returning to his usually cocky demeanor. He takes another step closer to Y/N, his gaze still intense. "Yeah, you definitely have a knack for being a pain in my ass. But it's... endearing, in a way." Y/N takes a step back, still very nervous, but finds herself against a wall instead. 

"Endearing... how?"

Grayson takes another step towards her, closing the distance between them even more. He leans against the wall, his face only a few inches away from hers. "Endearing because it gets under my skin, but in a good way, if that makes sense. You don't listen to me, you're not afraid to push back, and you never let me get away with anything. It's frustrating, but also... kind of refreshing."

"Oh yeah? I could say the same about you." She smiles up at him, feeling a small jolt of confidence rush through her. Grayson can't help but crack a small smile at her witty remark.

"Well, look at us, finally agreeing on something."

He studies her face for a moment, his gaze lingering on her lips for a beat longer than necessary. She notices and follows suit, looking at his lips for a moment too long before snapping out of her trance and turning away to look at the floor.

Grayson notices her eyes dart away and the blush on her cheeks, a wave of confidence washing over him.

"Hey," he says softly, gently lifting her chin so that she's looking at him again. "Don't look away. Look at me." He smiles at her, a genuine one, and she's sure it's the most beautiful thing she's ever seen.

She looks into his eyes for a moment or two before whispering "if I look at you much longer, I won't be able to keep myself in check any more, Grayson." His heart races as he hears her words, her soft voice sending a shiver down his spine. He leans closer, his face so close to hers that he can feel her breath on his skin.

"Who says you have to keep yourself in check?" He muses.

With this, she finally stops holding herself back and quickly leans in, closing the distance between them and kissing him with such force that he nearly stumbled backward. He stood shocked for a moment before kissing her back with a passion to match hers, grabbing onto her waist and pulling their bodies flush against each other as he deepened the kiss.

After a few minutes of practically grasping onto each other for dear life, they finally have to pull away for air, but still hold onto each other and remain as close as possible. After a moment of gazing into each other's eyes, Y/N speaks up. "Finally. You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that." She pants.

Grayson is equally out of breath, his heart thudding in his chest. He can't help but smile, his hands still on her hips. "Oh, really?" he teases. "I had no idea you were so desperate for me, princess." At this, she slightly pushes Waller on the arm. "Shut up, I know I'm not the only one who wanted that to happen."

Grayson laughs, not at all offended by her playful shove. "Okay, okay, you got me. I'll admit, I've thought about it, too." his smile turns into a mischievous grin, "But hey, you were the one who initiated it first. Couldn't get enough of me, could you?"

She chuckles and blushes, looking away slightly. "Maybe, maybe not, who's to say?" Grayson raises an eyebrow at this. "Oh, now you're playing coy, huh? You can't just kiss me like that and then act all nonchalant about it. I know you just couldn't resist me any longer."

She leaned up to his ear, "and maybe I still can't."

Grayson's smirk widened as she closed the distance between them again. His hands gripped her hips, pulling her body against his again before he pulled away from the kiss.

"Careful, Y/N. You're playing with fire."

"Fire was meant to be played with, baby."

He laughs, looking down at her and smirking. 

"Well then, princess, let's play."

[darkcircles4lyfe]

There's something that's been bothering me for a while now, in terms of bnha's ending and it's final canon pair. I had a hard time understanding the way people seen to interpret their "superiority" over other pairs because they are "pure, healthy and wholesome", adding in how strange the author's intentions came across, and just feeling even more confused.

Until i came across a NileRed video of all things. (It feels so bizarre bringing such a random video to this discussion but bear with me lmao) Where he attempted to make "the world's purest cookie" by creating it in a lab, basically. Using the purest form of every ingredient he was able to find because "well it's pure, so it must be better, right?". And it was very amusing watching a guy who never baked before struggle to make even something so basic, with a decent, easy recipe. Everyone was excited until it came time to taste it, and it ended up being the blandest thing he's ever tasted.

And then another youtuber, Ann Reardon, who's a professional baker, not only explained the wrong in the use of the ingredients showed in the video, but also tested the recipe he used normally, and the result was just a nice choc chip cookie. There was nothing wrong with it.

Nile's entire problem was that he didn't know a thing about the nuances of baking as a science of it's own, and only went by what he, a chemist with no experience in baking, thought would work the best.

To me, that is literally that pair's entire existence in physical form. People in favor of it use the first basis of how "pure and predictable" is good regardless, because they deemed it inherently healthy but didn't bother with actually analysing it further. The story had the recipe for a regular, typical shonen romance, but both use of it and ingredients were all totally wrong.

And the author, not having any experience with writing romance, did what he thought was best, (maybe because he liked them together and was attached), but fumbled tremendously when he realized he wouldn't be able to make them happen organically, because it was too late, it didn't fit anywhere else in the story, and there were too many things in the way as well. So he did what he could to side step them into a believable conclusion, but in doing so, he sacrificed his story's flavor and complexity for something that fell flat and became unpopular among true fans of the series.

"I think that my interpretation of purity was naive... Purity didn't have anything to do with flavor or smell or texture. Purity is its own thing, and if you want to achieve true purity, you must sacrifice everything. Everything that makes it worth it."

(fantastic quote from the NileRed NileBlue video)

Anon, you've really charmed me with this metaphor, and I think it works. The details get a little fuzzy once you know that the "pure" ingredients he got are actually made so you know exactly what's in them, not necessarily so that they are impurity-free. But he still applied an extreme level of hubris in using chemistry lab materials to make a "perfect" or "better" cookie, without understanding anything about the very different science that is baking. Like, he didn't know what baker's chocolate even is. Besides, what he sought was impossible, because chocolate practically cannot be made 100% without "bug parts" etc. And in the end, he made a really fucking terrible cookie anyway. I'm fascinated by the fact that it didn't even have a smell...

I'm definitely not one to judge ships against each other to say that one is inherently better, but when the other side keeps pushing this idea of purity, it does make me pause. Do they like it because it's bland? Because it ticks off all their morality requirements? Because it affirms their idea of normal? Honestly I'd have a lot more respect for them if they openly rejected what the source material has given them in favor of what their own imaginations can come up with. Some do, to be sure, but most still try to defend canon. Come on. Give them something to struggle with each other over and grow from. Anything but this constant unspoken blushing awkwardness.

I do want to put a small wrinkle in what you've said, though. I don't want to assume Horikoshi was doing what he thought was best with 431. Think about it this way. If he, much like many shonen mangaka like Oda for example, set out to write a story where romance is not the focus because he wasn't interested in writing those kinds of plots, but instead more interested in developing plots that are based in politics, friendship, family, sacrifice, and examining the dichotomy of "good" and "evil," why not maintain that priority through the end? Why would he spend dozens of pages systematically dismantling everything he cared about in the first place for the sake of something he clearly viewed as secondary? Like yeah, maybe he did think they were cute and was still attached to the idea of them ending up together, but I can't believe he thought they were worth this much compared to everything else he actually put effort into.

However, this "pure cookie" metaphor you've made fits quite well with how publishing can operate, where the rules of marketing are often erroneously applied to art of storytelling, like lab chemistry to baking. The things that give the story its uniqueness and flavor are refined and boiled down for the sake of making it predictable, benign, safe, easy to digest. So it can sell. So it can avoid controversy with conservative society. I'm honestly really sick of debating all the points of this ending as if they are definitely 100% only Horikoshi's vision or personal mistakes. We really don't know that and maybe we never will. I for one at least hope that we keep in mind that censorship is still a very real and current issue, and I'm not going to speak ill of the dead, as it were.

btw, I was largely inspired by this thread about Steven Universe on twitter, and tbh I include this reasoning not just for 431, but other things along the way, especially the last 10-15 chapters or so.

[lobotoboy]

Time to combine two fixations together, and create a new thing that I'm almost 100% certain has been thought of before!

A DANGANRONPA X RIDE THE CYCLONE AU (please someone make art of this, i'll post my attempt at a jane doe pic for this au later, but im still a beginner lmao) CAST (with explanation): To preface, I wanted everyone except Jane to have died in either their game or anime arc. Ocean O'Connell Roseburg: Ruruka Ando So this one was hard, because I initially wanted to stick to just the games, but neither Mahiru nor Hiyoko fit the bill for me, so I went with Ruruka. Personally, I think she's underrated, I feel like she's very compelling, and like Ocean, has room to grow in a similar way. I think she believes her way is the best way, like Ocean, and has the potential to learn differently. Constance Blackwood: Chiaki Nanami Chiaki is an obligatory add for me, no doubt about it. Constance is UNDERRATED, LOVE HER MORE PLEASE. Sugar Cloud is all about Constance finally recognizing the good things about her life around her, and Chiaki has a similar world view in both the anime and the games. If you look in the anime especially, she's one of the few characters who seems to understand a person can have worth without having a talent, and that's something that should be praised. Also she's my best friend's (@multifanforever) wife, so she's chill ig. Noel Gruber: Nagito Komaeda Do I *really* need to explain this one? Look at him. Name me a better character to put here, I dare you. In all seriousness, Monique is giving Servant Nagito vibes, and he'd SLAY Noel's Lament. Mischa Bachinski: Leon Kuwata Leon was also a bit of an 'out of left field' (teehee) pick for me, but Mischa's a rapper and Leon wants to break into music. Mischa's got a bit of angst in him, and so does Leon. Leon and Mischa are respectful lovers of women, so I feel like they'd be buddies and thus fit.

Jane Doe: Hajime Hinata/Izuru Kamukura WHERE DO I START SDUEHFEUFHWE I LOVE JANE AND I LOVE THESE TWO FUCKS. My stupid ass husband and his evil (not really) alter ego. Aside from personal bias for my favorite characters, I think they fit the most. I could (and want to) write a dissertation about Hajime and Izuru, but for the main gist of it, the way his identity is erased in canon, lines up with how Jane doesn't know who she is. At the end too, when they pick who gets to not be dead (i honestly dont understand the ending of rtc, is it resurrection, changing the timeline, rebirth?) it could be reminiscent of Hajime coming back post Neo World Program. Also Izuru lends himself really well to a creepier design. Ricky Potts: Kaito Momota They both kind of have that kind of selfless attitude to them, Kaito's illness is a good match for Ricky's disability, and obviously space. I also headcanon Kaito as a cat person. The Amazing Karnak: Junko Enoshima To me, they have similar, joking vibes to them. I feel like she'd mess with them just as much, if not a bit more than Karnak does. The changing rules and such are just for her entertainment. Virgil the Rat: Monokuma (obvi) I feel like Monokuma would rock the bass, and obviously makes sense as the one to accompany Junko.

[seaofreverie]

Sparkstember Day 18: Balls (Bullet Train)

Sometimes (oftentimes) it's true that all you need are Balls. I personally absolutely love Balls. I'm a big fan! Ekhem. Today I'm using the help of (I mean, copying most of the passages from it) my earlier Balls rant that I have written down after my first listen of it back in January. I really love this album and I don't want to completely skip over saying a couple words on it at least but I really don't think I have the headspace to write anything very good for it today. I'll still try though!

So yeah, Balls. It's a great album, fun and chill (in my sense of what I call and consider chill anyway), consistent, as Sparks albums tend to be, and as I suspected / hoped it does fit this specific vibe of driving around at night somewhere city-like and illuminated. Or being on a train deep at night and looking at the world zooming by (if you'd even see much of it on a train at night anyway.....). And I do think that it's not so dissimilar to Gratsax (I'd say now that it's definitely darker and moodier than its predecessor...). So it's interesting to think about how it's considered to be one of the "weak" ones (by music reviewers at least) while Gratsax is so beloved in comparision.

I will admit, I don't really know what the big problem with this album could be. As I said, it's fun, it has the melodies, it has the energy, it has the theatricality (I like seeing how more and more orchestral instruments such as strings are being incorporated into the music, in a way the jump into Lil' Beethoven two years later doesn't come of as THAT much of a shock because of this. The evolution of sound here is fascinating!) I really like the intense beats, just as much as the more laid-back and moodier pieces. And there's lots of gold to be found in the lyrics department as always.

One more thing I wanna say is that at some point I wondered if this music sounds older than it is. Maybe it does? But then I remembered that this was 2000 and honestly when I think about it, there just IS something about this album that fits so well with the Y2K image and vibe and all. Sparks 2000 and all that.

Favourite songs (and other highlights):

Balls: I mean. It's Balls.

Scheherazade: absolutely LOVE this one and I had the strangest impression of it sounding very familiar when I first heard it. Months later I found out that it was just briefly featured in TSB so I think that explains it (I will talk more about my TSB viewings on TSB day. EVERYTHING has to be explained in excruciating detail, lmao)

The Calm Before The Storm: bugsonas 4ever. Song itself is amazing too

How To Get Your Ass Kicked: how can a song about getting your ass kicked be so pleasant and relaxing, it always keeps cracking me up, how perfect that is actually

Bullet Train: I love it how introducing the topic of the song with a "It's the [topic of the song]" is a reoccurring theme on this album. Thank you Sparks for this ode to technology and art (these lyrics always have me giggling). And also it just goes hard as heck

It's Educational: a perfect fusion of / sequel to I Thought I Told You To Wait In The Car and Progress (it's mostly the vocal delivery that reminds me of the latter)

The Angels: such an odd one here but I still like it a lot, I apparently said that it sounds "surprisingly mainstream for Sparks but somehow in a positive way". It's very sweet and I absolutely love how Russell sings here, it's so different from what we're used to but that only makes it hit you even more in the feels, lol. And I actually prefer the alternative version of this song that's featured as a bonus track, and I do think that's in big part because you can hear Russell better on it (or that was my first impression of it at least and it kind of stuck)

[affogato-analysis]

Hylia discourse

aka i don’t like botw Hylia and here’s why!

So i think everyone who likes botw Zelda dislikes her father which, fair! I however have seen very little Hylia discourse so here we are, getting into Hyrule’s Temple criticism!

Just to establish a couple things: we’ll call the “Temple” the institution and practices linked to the worship of the divine, so here Hylia (and maybe the other three goddesses but botw isn’t trying to be heavy on its religious worldbuilding so it won’t change much for us). I chose ‘temple’ simply because there are, well, temples in Hyrule (it's basically Hyrule's equivalent to the Christian Church).

Also, i’ll establish here that this take is based on the assumption that Zelda’s power is mainly linked to Hylia, because she prays to that goddess in particular and she’s the only one really mentioned throughout the game (by the monks, the statue, the Sheikah and really everyone who spoke about religion in this game)

I don’t know like any lore about tloz as a general rule because i played like half of Twilight Princess, all of botw, EOW and i have played totk a bunch although i’m not done with the main quest. As I said, the following analysis is purely based on botw, although if someone more knowledgeable than me wants to add something/explain how I'm wrong, I'd be really happy to read that!

I repeat, this analysis is purely about botw content, and does not include elements from totk (i have an actual explanation to that and it’s that i’m not done with totk lmao) (and also i have some thoughts about the continuity of the two games but i’ll write about that later)

Spoilers for botw, by the way.

(also this is like 2k words)

SO! Religious and political discourse, my beloved.

Zelda prayed relentlessly to Hylia for years, in different springs to the point that she once fainted in one, and it did not work out. Zelda’s power manifested when the guardian was about to kill her and Link, most definitely not when she had any hope for it. She was just standing in between Link and death and it worked!

I can think of two interpretations as to why her power was unlocked here and now:

Zelda’s power was inherently hers to unlock and Hylia herself had no say on the how and when it’d be released.

Hylia gave it to her then when she needed it to protect her friend, and not before when she was just praying and asking for it like a tantrum child unable to earn it.

We’re gonna tackle that first option because it brings us to the Temple as an institution and the way Zelda was made to pray for years even when it didn’t work.

We don’t know if there is a religious chief (pope equivalent) in botw. With Zelda being the literal descendent of Hylia, I’m going to assume she’d rank pretty high on the scale of ‘how much does one matter to the Temple’. Which does not, in fact, give her that much power. She is stuck in a role that is constantly reaffirmed with every ceremony, trapping her more and more under layers and layers of symbolism.

I’m not gonna delve into sociology right there but symbols matter so much. They shape our beliefs, our beliefs shape the way we perceive the world and our actions. Symbols also shape how others see us. Symbols define what is right and wrong for someone to do, and that moral judgment is internalized. 

To put it simply, the more you present Zelda as the goddess of the legend, the less she can be anything else. She stops acting according to that picture of herself we’ve been given to see when she gets agency beyond that role — alone with Link after they become friends, when she’s studying the ruins, when she’s with Urbosa.

We won’t delve here in the question of why is she pictured in this or that way, IRL we could retrace the patterns and historicity of these symbols but we are in a game and pre-calamity Hyrule isn’t nearly developed enough for us to try a socio-historical analysis. Even my entire rant about symbols up there is already expanding a lot on the very little we actually see.

SO THEN! Symbols don’t just happen, they’re made. So how did these symbols get here and why are they relevant? symbols can die, lose and regain their relevance. Let me introduce you to the religious institution of the Temple.

We’re gonna extrapolate a shit lot over there, all of these are assumptions mostly based on very little factual information and a lot of assuming botw religious structure isn’t some highly elaborated innovative organization and looks enough like irl religions (Catholicism, Islam, Judaism because these are the only ones I know decently enough) (albeit mostly Catholicism).

There has to be a religious corps of people who live for and by religion. Because you need to get that temple running, and even if we never meet a priest-equivalent or anything, when Hylia’s existence is such an admitted fact, barely a belief at this point, there ought to be people devoted to that task.

I’m going to assume these people are in charge of spreading these symbols, because religious education and maintaining the Temple is their job. (I specify that because I don't want to make them sound evil and all, they spread the legends and teachings of their goddess because they love her) (wrecking both Link and Zelda’s lives is an unforeseen, unwanted, unnoticed side effect.) Their job makes them the most competent people when it comes to religion, so their power is basically a monopoly over any knowledge about the literal one way of salvation for Hyrule.

All of this to say, Zelda prays because that’s all that she knows. Because worship is seen as the one way to connect to Hylia — because most people aren’t her descendent — and the only people here to teach Zelda, especially after her mother’s death, rely on what they know to help her. And so, they send her praying. (And I get why they do, because when Link prays to the statue, Hylia answers and helps him regain his strength in exchange for emblems.)

And the Temple’s power is so massive that, when it doesn’t work again and again, they blame it on Zelda. Their knowledge can’t be wrong, they can’t be overwhelmed (just like her!) by the enormity of the task of awakening the power to seal the literal embodiment of evil, so it has to be her. She mustn’t pray hard enough, long enough, maybe she’s praying at the wrong spring. It can not be that their teachings are wrong and actively wasting her time, she must pray to connect to Hylia and her power.

And it doesn’t work. And when the calamity strikes, Zelda is still just a girl who has to face Ganon without divinity by her side.

And, when she stops trying to pray, when she reaches out to anything really as long as she can stand in between the calamity and her friend, her fingers wrap around her power and finally, finally, she is able to fight back. When all ended, when the springs failed her, Zelda found within herself the power she’d been asking someone else for.

In this perspective, Zelda’s power was hers all along and could not be awakened by Hylia, in a spring. The same way the sword chose Link and no one else, Zelda’s power had always been within her and in no one else’s hands.

(Also, and just maybe, a power meant to manifest in the face of evil was gonna manifest in the face of evil and not when a kind and benevolent goddess was looking at her favorite daughter, sheltering her from said evil.)

The Temple has knowledge and symbols, and with their authority on the religious domain, they trap Zelda in her role as a praying, waiting girl who has to earn, through her devotion to a goddess, a strength that was hers from the start.

And it kills many.

The second option is that Hylia didn’t want to give her power to a spoiled brat of a princess who thinks she can just ask for it instead of working for it.

It doesn’t change the fact that Zelda should probably not have been sent to pray that much and it was still a waste of time. No, the main thing that changes here is that Hylia was watching and she was the key to unlocking Zelda’s power.

And she didn’t when Zelda was praying, because a princess isn’t a beggar and Hylia’s descendant would have to be worthy of her birthright. Zelda would have to prove herself able to stare down Ganon himself.

So, when Zelda was constantly ushered away from the battlefields and protected at the expense of her people, when she was made to beg uselessly in the springs instead of reaching for knowledge — her own part of the triforce! —, when she lashed out at Link instead of working on bettering herself, Hylia did not answer.

Only when she stood up to Evil itself in a last ditch effort to protect her people did Hylia see in her what a princess, what her own child should be and deemed her worthy.

Why would she answer a tantrum child after all?

…

…

WELL!

When your answer to “why did you let Hyrule burn when you could have stepped in so much earlier?” is “I don’t respond well to tantrums”, I ask “where do your priorities lie?”!

A Goddess who condemns her entire people because one child didn’t live up to her expectations for maturity at the ripe age of seventeen is a Goddess who is, herself, throwing a tantrum.

“Force that girl to meet my divine, inhumane expectations, or you will all burn” is not the Word of a kind and benevolent goddess about her favorite daughter. This is the mentality of a tyrant too self-absorbed to step down from her ego and save her people, because she does not like the crying girl at the altar (as if the girl hadn’t been a sacrifice herself). This is a tantrum, just as much as Zelda’s anger at Link for trying to protect her. Except this tantrum threw Hyrule in a hundred years long misery, killed all five Champions and forced the now worthy Zelda to face the calamity on her own for a century, with the cruel assent of her Goddess.

One of my friends pointed out it might have elements of both. The religious corps pushes Zelda in the role of a begging, waiting, passive girl and Hylia stays resolutely quiet until Zelda breaks out of this mold to prove herself.

Which means two terrible things!

This religious corps tried its best to help Zelda unlock her power and only condemned her to fail repeatedly. They stuck her in a dress and made her pray and Hylia looked down upon her and refused such an heir. In their best attempts to help Zelda unleash her powers, they lock it further away and condemn themselves to destruction.

Hylia watched Zelda try her best to reach her according to the best of their knowledge and could not be bothered to send a word to her daughter. Not giving her the answer or her power, but just telling her ‘I see you’ would’ve been enough for Zelda to know Hylia was there. A simple ‘this is not the way’ would’ve been enough.

The more I speak, the more I think that maybe the Yiga clan had a couple points.

I also wanna point out really quickly the whole classism aspect of that ‘a princess isn’t a beggar’ sentence because, it’s not said in game but I said it while trying to figure out Hylia’s potential train of thought. Classism is a form of discrimination that assumes that poor people are less intelligent, morally inferior and generally worth less than rich people and it’s quite a piece of shit thing to say. So ‘a princess isn’t a beggar’ is inherently looking down on beggars and assuming that a princess should be inherently morally better. Classism sucks and I want to reinstate that my interpretation of Hylia’s silence isn’t my own opinion. No one is ‘less’ than someone else and I stand by that.

So yeah, what do we think?

[itsgirlcraft]

Just posting this here bc imma forget this poggers idea lmao

Pov Reality Steve accidentally hits the quit game button and ends up in Sabre's recording room (but he's very much inhuman and this is freaking them both out) ((and Sabre could see Reality outside the TSS server via his recording software so he knew what happened))

The two argue for a hot sec before Sabre gets all quiet and finally asks, "you didn't mean to succeed, did you?" And the silence that follows is deafening. He can see in Reality's eye(s) that he's truly, definitely scared.

Alex and the Guardian are confused and incredibly concerned- oh yeah and when Reality showed up it caused Sabre's computer to glitch for a second as Sabre's account is returned to him-. Anywho- Sabre leaves after quickly explaining to Alex/Guardian that Reality is out, looking for something more familiar to Reality to try and help him.

He comes back with a plastic mc diamond sword and a blanket, but Reality takes it as a joke at his expense and tries to get up in his face (but can't stand upright very well). So he's just- crashing the hell out, telling him that he can survive just fine on his own, until Sabre tells him (like the og series) that there's billions of us humans, and god knows what'll become of Reality if he goes out unaware of Everything.

And finally, FINALLY, Reality shuts down again, realizing how far out of his depth he is now. A true fish out of water, stuck far out in the desert sands, barely a drop of water in sight. And Sabre just glances towards his computer before crouching down to Reality, talking quietly so the other two can't hear him. "You're pretty dang far from home now, and it's clear you know that now. You can reject my presence all you want, but I'm going to help you this time, okay? This time, I can help you prepare for whatever it is you want. You don't have to like me, but I don't want you losing your mind more than you already have, alright?" And Reality nods reluctantly, fear still deep in his eye(s). He *knows* he can't do this alone anymore. He wanted to go home, not...here. He didn't want to succeed. He didn't intend on going THIS far past the warning signs...

And Sabre asks if he even has his powers. Reality looks at his own hands, and his stare says everything. He was mortal now...maybe. Sabre can't be sure. "How about I help you up and get you to a different room so you can be alone awhile, okay? And I'll come check in sometimes, while I'm explaining everything to them." Reality gulps down his pride with a shaky "fine." Sabre helps him up and takes him to the living room, still letting him have the plastic sword and blanket just in case.

And now, back with Alex and Guardian, he's trying to explain all....this. He mentions his computer glitching while explaining how scared Reality seemed, and they ask what that is. This eventually leads to the phrase "pressing buttons [keyboard] to press more buttons [game menus]." And Guardian is like, "that's an awfully convoluted machine just to get here." And then Sabre tries to explain how a keyboard works, describing it as "all the alphabet and numbers on little buttons laid out in front of you whenever you go to write something." And THEN Alex is confused as to how Sabre "uses the alphabet to traverse dimensions." Sabre tries to explain how the WASD keys are used to move around, which leads to him wanting signs to show a visual of a QWERTY keyboard which leads to finding out he (his mc character) has Reality's powers and therefore creative mode- The three get sidetracked by THAT before Sabre remembers what he was doing and finally explains the keyboard with visuals.

[atrophiedemotion]

hey Cast! uh so this ask is about. alien stage. but imma send you another about some random shit because why not. anyways

the tags that you had on that previous post with me and plip (the one about ivan and till and how they show honesty differently and how we know about their characters a different amount because of how forthcoming or not they are) and my question for you is, how many of Ivan's actions do you think are representative of his true emotions? I don't think his body language, in general, is very forthcoming but I do agree that his actions can be pretty revealing (he strikes me as an acts of service person especially with trying to escape with Till) but uh yeah I'm wondering if there are any specific examples that you think of as being revealing of his actual thoughts or specific examples of him pretending to be someone else?

thanks for listening to me yap uh I hope you're doing well and that you have an awesome day!

rock... oh boy... this is gonna be a long one. wonderful question. thank you for the ask, i hope you have a great day as well!!

so, i didn't fully explain in the tags because i didn't want to write a full length essay on plip's post (ty plip for dealing w the rambling)(i was also very tired so i wasn't fully articulate lmao) but i meant that ivan shows his emotions through the outcomes/projected outcomes of his actions. he certainly isn't very forthcoming in the way he acts and portrays himself, but there is undeniable truth in the intent and meaning behind everything he does, even things that seem counterproductive.

i think that since ivan genuinely cannot fully be upfront and honest (due to trauma, his lack of self worth, and his decided survival strategy) his main truths show in the deeper meaning of the things he does for other people and himself. with ivan, it is all about intent. i've said before that the only way to understand ivan is to dig deeper and this is very much true here. he uses a lot of subterfuge to throw people off from his actual intentions, but they're there.

ivan often uses unconventional, roundabout ways to achieve his goals/get what he wants- especially when they mean something to him. he is a guy who is caked in layers upon layers of meaning only if you pull back the acres of curtains he's covered them with. he doesn't want people to know what goes on in his head, so he covers it up valiantly. this is due to his low self esteem of course, but also full on survival. in order for his plans to work, no one can be in on it. no one can know what he's thinking. all of his true feelings and thoughts need to be hidden in order to achieve success, but in the end it's fucking hard to not leave a trace of your true feelings.

with all that being said, examples!

the biggest and most obvious examples are mainly related to till (of course they are) and i also feel like they're the most telling. ivan's teachers specifically pointed out that he was only childish around till (they were relieved by it, too, because he was so damn serious the rest of the time and didn't behave like a child should). ivan has the hardest time hiding his true emotions around till, which makes sense, because till makes him feel the most emotion when his are always dulled. that doesn't stop him from going the 'i must hide my crush by pulling his pigtails' route but, y'know.

since most of these are talked about frequently and i dont want to keep beating a dead horse in an already long post, here's a (hopefully) brief list:

-the biggest one, the meteor shower. going through all of that to escape with till, specifically during a meteor shower that it seemed ivan was desperate to show till (to introduce his shooting stars to each other or smth im sure). ivan offered till freedom and denied himself of it when till turned around and he followed him back without question.

-his good behavior can arguably be considered to be due, in part, to the perks an obedient pet gets. this isn't just a till thing but ivan's obedience is very telling of his need and drive for survival, which considering his uhh,, track record is likely largely so he can protect till. gaining perks and learning insider information, like how to take collars off and gain access to isolation cells, assist him in assisting and caring for till.

-the sometimes silent companionship they share. the way ivan will poke at him to get his outright attention but is still at times satisfied with just existing in till's space and enjoying his presence says a lot about his genuine adoration and admiration of till

-his sacrifice. i don't think i need to say much about this as it's pretty self explanatory lmao but it is a Great example of what im trying to convey. ivan does honest things and has to cover them up at the same time. the 'violence' was to end the round of course, but it was also kind of like a familiar bandaid over the painfully honest feelings he conveyed with the kiss. even if he didn't really hurt him he couldn't just be honest

there are definitely more (most everything he does in regards to till tbh) but i wanted to talk about some others too

the comic conversation with sua about her sacrifice! such a big one. ivan's feelings about sua are very complicated, but to me i feel like he cares about her to an extent, almost pitying in a way. he's horribly jealous of her and the love she has, but he sees so much of himself in her that what he says in that conversation is probably at least half projection, even if he's not aware of it.

the way he looks at her without trying to hide his distaste feels like the way he would look down on himself. the whole thing shows not only his disgust with himself, but his anger towards someone who is so similar to him that she makes the same plans in her head even though she has something he believes he'll never have. it's envy, tried and true, and he doesn't even hide it at the time. he hides the self loathing behind it, but still. that might be the most honest we've seen ivan aside from the end of r6.

that conversation also does kind of show the fact that he cares for sua and mizi. sua in a way he acknowledges less to himself, but certainly mizi.

and speaking of mizi, my last example for right now is the way he watched round 5 like he was barely holding it together and sort of did his own recreation of it in round 6. the strangling was reminiscent of the way mizi lunged at luka and he almost certainly got the idea for his method of sacrifice from what she did. it kind of feels like an ode to her, in a way. an ode to mizi while offering himself up for till, which. is very sad but almost a little sweet, that he had a piece of mizi in what he was doing for till.

okay okay im sure i could keep talking about this but ive been writing for. a long time LMAO so i will stop here but! yeah. ivan shows his emotions inadvertently through his actions and about fifty levels of subterfuge. but it's all we get, so...

thank you for the ask again my dude, i really enjoyed answering it!

[senblades]

Tell us about the planning doc!!!

thank you very much for indulging me HAHA

So I started writing the planning doc like. When I really shouldn't have LMAO- I wasn't busy right then, but I was absolutely about to be. Oh well! What's done is done.

The planning doc is, essentially, a full outline of all the plot of fftsr, told exclusively in dumb jokes and memes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Or, well, more accurately, a dumping ground for all my ideas in chronological order, marked with dates and some (emphasis on SOME lmao) of the confidant rank ups for Akechi and Ren.

I'll share some of the outline already written in chapters to get my point across: (UH MAJOR AND MINOR SPOILORS FOR FAITH FOR THE SECOND RUN- earlier chapters, mostly)

As you can see, not everything from the doc makes the cut. Sometimes things just don't work anymore, or I can't quite find a place to shoehorn it. I'm pretty sure a line showing how Sumire was struggling without a team never made it into the chapter- or, if it did, it was so negligible that it doesn't even matter.

Plus, I definitely hadn't figured out all the scene-by-scene POV's by that point. The "April 18" bullet point implies that scene might have taken place from Sumire's POV, but the final chapter actually has it as Ren's.

I also put all my Metaverse powerpoint slide intermittently as they become relavent. I'm not actually sure if this explanation ever made it into a chapter... I think Akechi might have implied it? But I don't think it was ever spelled out, since I couldn't find a smooth way to do it. Oh well! Here it is now!

There's also outlines of character conversations and motivations, as expected. The level of detail within the planning doc is VERY uh. Well, it's dependant on a lot of things. There are some major beats that I just hadn't thought of until writing the actual chapters, but some of the character-related convos that are more centred to the plot got written down pre-writing chapter 1

From memory, I think the above scene also changed slightly in the final fic. Sometimes what I write as character motivations in the planning doc ends up being VERY DIFFERENT by the time I get to the actual chapter. And, sometimes, the characters just run away with a scene HAHA

Speaking of character convos, some of my jokes in the planning doc made it, almost word for word, into the fic's chapters. Akechi hysterically wondering if Rank 3 is the "deepest darkest secrets" Rank Up is something that I wanted to immortalise lmao

As you can also see, though, not all of the confidant rank-ups were planned- Magician rank 2 is implied, but I didn't actually know what it was going to be at the time.

And then there's the confidants I didn't have planned at ALL:

(UH SPOILERS UP UNTIL CHAPTER 46)

The Tower and the Aeon are the worst offenders of this: I retroactivaly added the Aeon into the planning doc- an easy feat, since it coincides with the Justice, but just know that it absolutely wasn't there originally lmao. The Aeon came about in two stages, if I'm remembering correctly- I wrote the dream sequence where Ren didn't remember shit, but some vision of Crow was there and did remember, pretty much on a whim, and then thought "okay what if that kept happening though"

I think that descision was one of the best things I could have done lmao- it made October third MUCH more exciting to write (and, I assume, to read)... (originally Metatron was not a factor in the boys remembering- just some annoying headaches and visions. Shadow Maruki was also a last-second addition! While Ren was off galivanting with Crow, I wanted to give Goro something interesting to do as well. So! Impromptu therapy session)

Now the Tower... I did have some. uh. Plans, for cognitive Akechi right from the start; I can't remember my exact thought process for when I started cooking for this confidant, but I think I saw a comment on Throw Away Your Mask explaining why the Tower was particularly apt for the character it's used for in that fic, and thought "wait I can cook with this". or something HAHA I can't quite remember. (I was also VERY MUCH inspired by Marigolds and A Tale of Two Tricksters for all of that... (love those fics you should read them if you haven't))

All of the PT's rank ups are missing from the planning doc, too. I knew I wanted to have all of them as confidants, but I had no idea what their arcana was going to be, or when those confidants would start or rank up.

I unfortuantly can't share some of my best jokes from the planning doc, since I'm joking about MAJOR SPOILERS from future chapters HA

ty very much for letting me gush lmao <3 <3 <3

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - March 9

@aamilahtahira, cis writer anon (new), @blueberry-b4gel, possibly aromantic anon (new)

@aamilahtahira

Hi so um I've been seeing someposts (haven't rlkybused tumblr alot haha) and I've saw you helping ppl out w their like sexuality and things? So I think I'm gay (this feels so crazy bc I have not spoken to this aby anyone??) but I'm muslim so it's like against my religion and sometimes I hate myself for it? Like I just don't want to be me and everything feels so heavy and I just can't stop crying and there's like something wrong w me like is this gid punishing me or am I just a trash person bc sometimes I get so aggressive and my friends just don't want to talk to me for a bit (and I totally get that since it's their right) but sometimes I just feel like I'm the only person in the world so I thought maybe writing this might help.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense I am severely sleep deprived (which is prob the only reason I'm writing this I am not usually this honest lmao)

Also feel free to just ignore whatever this is

Hi! You're definitely not a shit person and you're not alone. I've had other Muslim people write to me about this same exact thing. Honestly, I don't know a lot about the Muslim religion but I have to believe that if God is real, and he chooses how people are (gay, straight, etc), why would he make people in a way that he doesn't want?

I think you should try to find other Muslim people who are gay. They're out there, I promise, and there are plenty of Muslim people who practice the faith and are okay with being gay. See if you can talk to them about how they've been able to do both.

I promise you that you aren't wrong or broken. You're perfect just as you are <3

____

cis writer anon

Hii

I wanted to ask that if a non-trans person wrote a fic where a character is trans but hasn’t been able to transition, would that be okay? Solely because I know that not everyone has the means to change their appearance but they’re still just as valid and I wanted to represent that. Will do the proper research too in order not to hurt anyone but I’m not sure if anyone would be comfortable enough to read that, maybe it’ll be triggering?

I think as long as you do the proper research and tag appropriately, there's nothing wrong with that. I'm sure people will want to read it!

Just remember that some trans people choose not to do things like get surgery because they don't feel it's necessary. But you're right in saying that some want to do those things and cannot. Either way, I wouldn't say they 'haven't transitioned' because they still could have transitioned socially by dressing differently, using new pronouns, changing their name, etc. They just may not be taking hormones, getting surgery, etc.

__________

@blueberry-b4gel

hi! I just want to start off by saying how you are so amazing, and thank you so much for giving us advice!

so, I came out as trans ftm to my dad, and he doesn't believe me bc im too young apparently (13-15 age range). but we did come to a compromise where he'll call me KJ instead of my deadname.

but he won't use he/him pronouns for me, call me his son, etc

he is very liberal, anti trump and elon, etc. and he said he'd accept it if I came out as gay, but somehow, me being trans is too much for him.

and I just need advice on how I can explain the concept of being trans, dysphoria, and how much it would mean to me if he used he/him prns for me.

❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛

Well that's hypocritical of him.

Honestly, I would find some articles showing the negative effects of misgendering trans youth. Like the suicide rate of trans youth, the mental effects of dysphora, etc. Find articles that are from official sources, written by scientists and doctors. Adults like listening to other adults.

And I would also ask him why. Like let's say it is a phase (I'm not saying it actually is, but that's what he thinks, so if we go with his ideas), what's wrong with going with it and using the pronouns you want and the name you want, until the 'phase' is over? You're not asking for anything permanent. Like genuinely ask him who it's hurting.

If all else fails, you could start misgendering him, but that might land you in deep trouble lol.

_______

possibly aromantic anon

Hi im just gonna tell you because i would like to tell someone

So i know everybody thinks im gay because thats what ive told everybody, and like i dont think im lying really because i dont know the truth but i think im aromamtic. So theres that. Thats a thing but sometimes i feel like im not because i want a relationship. I read about it and see it and want it so bad.

Also i think im agender but i feel like im lying to myself when i say that. Like i dont mind any pronouns to be used for me. At all. And i think gender as a concept at least for me is stupid. Like, what does it matter? Again thats for me i completley understand for some people pronouns used are really important. I mean even though i dont mind i still remember the first time someone refered to me as they/them and how good it felt.

All this to say ik really fucking confused but at this kind of point where i honestly dont care anymore...? Lol like im gonna keep making gay jokes probably because for some reason lesbian gets less questions than aromantic. Seriously though why do people ask such weird questions as soon as they find out youre queer? I had a guy who didnt even know me ask if i felt horny around girls all the time?? Like wtf. Also like... straight girls talking about how easy it must be to be a lesbian. I thought that was fake for a while but no not at all

Anyways i hope you enjoyed my wierd ramblings. This was originally gonna be an ask for you to use he/him pronouns for me but as soon as i opened it i decided to vent lmao

Yeah I think people worry way too much about other peoples' labels. Labels can be important to people for themselves and that's fine, but who cares about other people? And you're right- sometimes the questions people as are so ridiculous and offensive.

Remember that it's okay not to know and it's okay to just not have a label. It's truly up to you and what you're comfortable with. There's no right or wrong and I don't think you're 'faking' anything. It's okay to take all the time you need to figure yourself out <3

[all-pacas]

pretty please directors cut on the thanksgiving fic 😇😇😇

LMAO screw youuuuuuuuuuuuuu

so i did check and i did absolutely delete all the parts i cut out and rewrote so i'm doing this from memory eyyyyyy

originally the story was way… darker? you know me i can't write happy anything. after the first scene in the car—

Chase opens the glove box, searching for something to fidget with. “I’m going to ask you something,” he says slowly. “Sure.” She changes lanes, passes a minivan. “…Do your parents know about me?” he asks slowly.

—there was a scene where they stopped at a gas station for snacks etc, cameron was sitting on one of those awful permanently damp stone benches and trying to explain to him why she'd never told her parents about him. this ended up being… a little tedious, so i cut it.

“And you must be Chase,” Mom says warmly when they draw apart, Cameron stays arm and arm with her mother but winces, pulls away. Chase is standing back a few steps on the sidewalk, and visibly smooths out his expression: he had looked lost, but now he smiles.

i went through and changed the mom pronouns like 3 times. at first i just called cameron's parents "linda" and "timothy" but that felt weird from her pov. but i also think this is weird. OH WELL

When Cameron was fourteen, her parents had agreed to repaint her bedroom. The walls are still pale purple, the curtains heavy and flowery, a row of old trophies and minor awards on a shelf. It’s absolutely stifling. The first time she and her husband had visited, they had been in the guest room together. Twenty and feeling impossibly grown up, married after three months. She's over ten years older, but unmarried, which she supposes is all the difference.

there was a bit in here i remember cutting out, where cameron and her dead husband had been in cameron's room, where chase is shoved in the guest room etc. which i liked but also it felt mean, there was a lot more of chase-vs-dead husband comparisons in the draft. which i think is fair for cameron and probably something she would think about, but… you know.

Chase follows her. Greets her grandmother warmly, shakes her hand and kisses her cheek and turns on the charm. Impulsively, Cameron wraps her arm around his, pulls him close, talks to Gramma while holding Chase’s hand and feels fake and performative the entire time: look how close we are, look how happy we are, look how much I like him. Chase doesn’t pull away, doesn’t resist, but this sort of lying has always come more easily to him, she thinks. He squeezes her hand and grins over at her when she’s worrying it over, though, and suddenly Cameron isn’t sure about anything at all.

i think this was the moment i ended up going back and completely fucking reworking this story for the 9th time. at first, chase really was feeling shut out and left out, like all of cameron's suspicions were correct and he was upset with her. but then it clicked it would be more interesting if he was just generally nervous about meeting her parents, he hadn't put any thought into being shut out at all, so i did a huge fucking amount of edits and i still think it could have been better. like, cameron trying to be more inclusive of him (as she is here) and getting confused when chase's reaction is just owo this is a nice weekend, you know? or playing into her doubts more. but i was also like 5k into this fucking story at this point and wanted to wrap it up. ideal world there would have been a scene where she tries to white knight a very confused chase from her parents lol.

to me at least it's so visible i abruptly switched the tone of the story 3/4ths through. drives me insane.

“I never —“ he hesitates infinitesimally. “We never had anyone over when I was a kid,” he says, a familiar bitter twinge in his voice. “My dad didn’t want people to see my mum, and my mum didn’t want anyone to see the state of the house. No way I ever had any friends over. Didn't sneak in any of the girls I dated, either,” he adds wryly.

if i had the time/didn't hate this story so much, i wish i had elaborated on this a little, because i am so sure chase's home was always dead silent and he never had family or friends over; i think he really, really liked cameron's, and i wish i had better portrayed that i think he was really taken aback and excited to be there. but i didn't! because i hate this story!!!! thank you!!!

[snailchasers-den]

What about Tigerclaw x Spottedleaf has made you like the ship so much? I don't dislike it but I don't quite understand it either.

Well, the thing that kicked off my initial interest was the scene they had together in the first book, which I read as some type of flirty banter as a kid, and it later on snowballed from there the more I thought about it nowadays, I think LMAO Since then it's been like, my all time biggest ship in warriors, and I think about them all the time, even if I can't post about them a ton, I check the tag regularly and kinda just rotate them in my brain LMAO

It's customary at this point to mention I'm writing this while extremely tired, as I do most of my asks, so fair warning if any of this is kinda clunky. Other people have explained it WAY more eloquently than me, so if you're curious, I recommend looking in the SpottedTiger tag, cause others explain it in way more concise and understandable ways. I write most shit like I'm a madman at a whiteboard, but if that's your jam, you've asked the perfect person.

It's really a mixed bag why I started liking it-? A whole lot of things added up and got me hooked.

The difference in demeanors is fun, with Tigerclaw being threatening and ambitious and dramatic, while Spottedleaf is sweet and compassionate, yet extremely sassy, I feel like they'd play off of eachother nicely even in just comedic, non-romantic scenes.

Depending on how you want things to play out, you can basically sway how they effect eachother in however many different ways you want- Want an evil Spottedleaf AU? Tiger manages to convince her to join his side and we have a fun evil medicine cat. Want a however good Tigerclaw and a fluffier AU? Spotted is what he needs to soften him up just enough to not go feral and try taking over the clans. Want to tear them apart and have it be super tragic and kinda fucked up? Tiger still gets Clawface to kill her because he knows he can't bring himself to do it and knows she's his weak point. Something more canon-compliant? They were had a secret relationship before she died, and he sees her in Tawnypelt (I have a fic based on that idea, I love it. Obsessed with Tawnypelt resembling Spottedleaf by coincidence.) They're super flexible in that you can basically tweak and twist their story in so many different ways depending on how much you adjust the scenarios or their actions.

Make them mushy and sweet! Make them a badass medic/leader villain couple! Make them divorce eachother 3 different times and be bitter exes who throw snark and cold one liners! Make them be a tragic failed love story! Make them somehow make it work? Make them gay toms! Make them lesbians! Make them polyamorous with a cat of your choice! They're so versatile, and I love seeing anything people do with them.

I also like to throw a lot of religious/Starclan related things into the mix personally, because in different ways they both have connections with it in ways a lot of cats don't, and it can be both a good connecting point, and make it have an extra air of tragedy which I play VERY hard into in my False Prophecy AU. LMAO Spoilers for the AU that aren't really spoilers since I've drawn it before, but Tigerclaw doesn't actually commit a lot of his atrocities in that AU (Hence why I don't call him Tigerstar) and still goes to the Dark forest primarily due to literally lying about Starclan's word when they already wanted him dead from the moment he was born and 'corrupting a medicine cat', (And whatever else they could get him on, probably him being a bad mentor or having bad thoughts. They just wanted him in hell.) meanwhile, Spottedleaf, the golden girl of Starclan, despite being the one who ACTUALLY directly lied about their word and broke the code, is given a second chance and let in because 'She only loved too much'. (Because if they're going to say that line for someone like ASHFUR, I can twist it and use it for my AU in a more sinister manner, since Starclan is morally questionable here.) The ending of the AU's story also heavily relies on the afterlives, and though I won't go into it here since that's not what this ask is about and I genuinely do want to write it someday, I think it's a really fun way to twist things for them. It has such a poignant, vivid energy it carries with it, and I don't think it would feel the same with really any other pairing.

They're closer in age than most ships with them seperately, which is super nice, and makes it really fun to imagine them interacting as apprentices and their feelings building from those times into adulthood-

If you want to consider Spottedleaf's Heart, that could actually add to it too, seeing as they were both victims of Thistleclaw, likely even around the same time, and could seek solace in eachother over it- They're the only ones that truly understand, and that could drive them to want to protect eachother from other threats because they know they've been hurt in similar ways and don't want that to happen again.

I tend to imagine Tigerclaw to be a big ass Maine Coon while Spottedleaf is fairly small, and that just adds to it for me, since I think it makes the fluff between them 10 times better. My favorite warriors ship dynamic is when one of them is very, very fluffy and the other can basically just. Sink into their fur like a pillow. Hence why I also like MothCrow. I'm both unpredictable and incredibly predictable.

I also just don't really like a lot of Spottedleaf ships? She's one of my favorite characters, but I don't like basically any of the other pairings I've ever seen for her. Definitely don't like SpottedFire and never did, I see Mousefur as very very aromantic and relate to that, so SpottedMouse is very much not my jam- Anything else tends to be a rarepair or just something I don't really vibe with- She's not shipped with as many people as you'd expect. SpottedTiger was like striking gold for me- (Though Spottedleaf/Runningnose is also a nice one I think about from time to time, and is where I got Snailchaser as a character from LMAO)

Tigerclaw has always stood out to me and registered in my mind as being a romantic in a way too? It's a unique trait for a villain, especially in warriors, so I love emphasizing it, since god knows the Erins don't and won't. I know a lot of people like to joke about him kinda sleeping around or being a womanizer with him having two mates, but I love taking his multiple mates and interpreting it in more of a romantic sense- (And also I headcanon him as Polyamorous, but that's just me) He wasn't a good partner at all in canon, but something about imagining if he was makes him 10 times more compelling to me. He's a romantic! He's a family man! And he's a sadistic wanna-be dictator with the ambition needed to wreak havok and take over Shadowclan! Those traits 100% clash and that's the point. Putting him with Spottedleaf further complicates that by pairing him with a compassionate medic who does not at all share his lust for power. (Or might deep down, who knows! It's up to the writer!) I think it'd be fun to see internal battles and how the actual good traits he has fuck with his plans.

Though, if you know me at all, I'm also just really weird and love rarepairs and crack ships for Warriors. Hell, I basically made up the MothCrow tag on here by cautiously posting about Mothwing x Crowfeather- Even if my stuff's not completely canon accurate, I write in much more 'what if' scenarios and heavy AU usage. It's more fun and interesting to me to write in a more speculative "I love the version of this character that exists only in my brain" way, and out comes the stuff I make.