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firstofficerwiggles · 2 years ago

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On Bo-Katan and my dislike

TLDR It has nothing to do with her being a woman and everything to do with her being a person who chose hurtful actions.

So I've been seeing more posts lately mocking or sniping at "Bo-Katan Haters" with a lot of the argument being that people hate female characters, especially strong female characters. Now, I would not go so far as to say I outright hate Bo-Katan, but for the most part I dislike her. I've written her as a villain in one of my more popular fics and for good reason. But, let me be clear, it has nothing to do with her being female. I am certain I would dislike her just as much as if she were a man (possibly more). My dislike for Bo-Katan is more complex as is the character herself. If you only know Bo from the Mandalorian, I'm giving you the history that I know with my impressions.

I first encountered Bo-Katan in the Mandalorian, Season 2. My first impressions of her were that she seemed cool and I was glad she saved Din and Grogu, but she was very arrogant and rude once she found out that Din came from a stricter religious sect. I also disliked her at the end of that first episode because she used Din and it was clear she didn't respect him. And look, yes, I am biased. Din is my favorite Star Wars character, probably my favorite character ever. If someone wrongs him, I don't like them.

Then, when she returned in the final episode, again I found her rude, and snobbish, first towards Boba Fett and then again towards Din. She was incredulous that Din was able to find Moff Gideon, because clearly she saw him as beneath her. Even in agreeing to help him, it was entirely for her own gain and then she got extra pissed because as it turned out Din ended up defeating Gideon and becoming the rightful owner to the Darksaber not her. (Which ok, I get her being annoyed, but it really wasn't Din's fault, more like Din's crazy luck.)

Then I watched the Clone Wars, where her introduction is that of a classic villain trope . She is the betrayer of her sister. As a young adult, she joined Death Watch, a terrorist organization with the goal of overthrowing her sister with the very likely goal of assissination. She is not painted in a good light at all. This furthered my dislike of her, naturally, because her sister is shown as someone who is trying to do the best for her people, attempting to provide them with a more peaceful way of life in a galaxy at war. (Also knowing that Bo-Katan was mocking Din for being a Child of the Watch, while she herself was in Death Watch was incredibly annoying!!) While I will agree that Satine is not perfect, there is nothing malicious or villainous about her. So essentially, Bo-Katan was so ridiculously jealous of her sister's power and claim to the Mandalorian throne, she chose to go to war with her. Yes, she was a young woman, probably 19 or 20, but she was old enough to understand that what she was doing was an extreme reaction of pure jealousy of her sister's success and power.

As the Clone Wars continues, Bo-Katan does change her mind about being part of Death Watch, but not because they are against her sister or because they have done harmful things to other Mandalorians (innocent people), but because Darth Maul, an outsider, becomes their leader by winning the Darksaber in combat. Note that she is not against Maul because he is a Sith or because he is evil, it is that he is not a Mandalorian and in her eyes cannot become one. Her hatred for Maul comes more from a place of jealousy at once again being denied the throne.

Even when her sister is killed, Bo-Katan takes no responsiblity for being involved in her death nor for the events leading up to it. She blames Obi-Wan and basically anyone she can. When Satine dies, she suddenly acts as though she does care about her sister, even though she has been estranged from her and working against her the entire time.

To defeat Maul and his Mandalorian followers, Bo-Katan enlists the help of the clone troopers and Ahsoka Tano. Ultimately she takes credit for the victory, glossing over the fact that Ahsoka and then Darth Sidious were the ones who defeated Maul and sent him away from Mandalore. Bo-Katan does thank Ahsoka and the clones, but it's clear she doesn't respect the clones (and we see that again when she meets Boba Fett).

I next saw Bo-Katan in Rebels and I was surprised then at how suddenly her past had been smoothed over and she was now being portrayed in a positive light. There was no explanation for this. When Sabine Wren decides that she is not able to take on the responsibilities of the Darksaber she decides to give it to Bo-Katan, and the whole time I was going "why??". At this point Bo-Katan had been living under a treaty of sorts with the Empire, where I believe she was techically the ruler of Mandalore but had no real power. She was a figurehead, which honestly, I though was fitting because she spent so long coveting what her sister had, it was a sort of delicious irony that once she was finally "in power" she still didn't really have it.

So yeah, that brings us to this season of the Mandalorian where now Bo-Katan is clearly getting a winner's edit and is being touted as the next Mandalorian of the show. No surprise, I and other fans, do not like this because for us "The Mandalorian" is Din Djarin. He has always been introduced in that way within the terms of the show. He is the sillouette in the title, he is the one on all the main production posters, he (and Pedro Pascal) is the star of the show. Seeing Din get pushed aside for Bo-Katan is making me dislike her on another level.

Besides, the other problems I see with Bo-Katan are still there. She is still arrogant and snobbish at times, and while she does seem more accepting of Din and his Covert, I can't say I entirely trust her to be sincere. I do think that her confession to Din about being selfish in the past, was a step towards seeing that she has changed. But, personally, I need to see her own up to her massive betrayal of her sister and her family (where exactly is Korky Kryze?). When Din says to Bo-Katan in Chapter 18 that her father would be proud of her, all I could think was "Like hell he would if he knew what he did to her sister!!!"

Basically, all in all, I think Bo-Katan is a complex character and while I think it might be possible for her to have a redemption story, for me it feels forced right now. Pair that with the fact that I don't like the writers turning Din into a supporting character on behalf of Bo-Katan, I just don't feel that I am going to connect with her and start rooting for her in the way that other people are.

#the mandalorian #bo katan kryze #din djarin #the mandalorian spoilers #the mandalorian season 3 spoilers #the mandalorian season 3

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thedeityofstars · 1 year ago

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royal mages just being a little silly, except Oswald because he has to keep his children from causing rampant destruction

(i'm not too great at drawing outfits, so let's just say "designs aren't final". also fuck backgrounds)

here comes the OC infodump

Adrian a.k.a. the Rat Mage is 17 years old, intersex, and has claimed the pronouns of their fallen enemies so you can go with any/all. they specialize with familiars and potion making, but also knows a spell called "explode all rat haters" which is very powerful, and could be considered fire, i suppose. they're endlessly optimistic and don't hold grudges, even when getting punched hard enough to knock them out--they're also very durable. "crikey" is their most used word.

Robyn is 19 years old and has the title of Storm Mage. they're the typical angsty and very angry pretty boy with ice (and wind) powers. his backstory is that his parents only cared for his magical powers, so just "don't fuck up" and also "ditch the art" because that's a useless hobby--you're a royal mage now, so you better secure our place in high nobility (no pressure). loses all self-confidence the moment he notices anyone slightly better than him. desperately in need of a hug and friendship, but he doesn't really know how to be nice, so that'll be hard...

Oswald is a 38 year old trans man, he's the voice of wisdom, and also the man to go to for your physical and mental pains; he's a healer via magic and years of medical knowledge. while he does have some experience with the elements, his pupils have surpassed him in some aspects. he's the ever-supportive father figure to pretty much everyone. Oswald is the perceptive type, he has little trouble getting the information he wants out of people, and even has a little fun with it. fun fact: he has at least five pairs of backup glasses because Adrian's rats like to climb on him.

#original character #my art #my ocs

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wittybibliophile · 2 years ago

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DREAMLAND BILLIONAIRE SERIES - LAUREN ASHER

Book Two: TERMS & CONDITIONS 👠💍👞💼

"@ To anyone fighting an invisible battle, i see you!!"

#Characters

* DECLAN (36yr old): The eldest of the three Kane brothers, Mr. Not-So-Ready-For-Commitments. A person who thinks he's unlovable (as told to him by his father), works too much literally too much. He doesn't want to lose his best ever assistant iris but marrying her was not in his to-do list (at least not in reality), well until she did tell everyone she's his secret fiancée. He likes her as an assistant and as a woman (which he totally denies all the time). Like every book husband ( referring to marriage of convenience or haters to lovers troop) he starts to understand that he likes iris, and all the emotions that he had trapped after his mom passed away, are coming back in full surge... He is a very caring, understanding, a little too much workaholic husband to iris ( i meant fake-husband guys). It took one woman which is of course Iris to disturb his work riddled mind ( he hadn't thought about a woman in fourteen years since he started working without rest). He is also very jealous or rather possessive kind. i mean is it not too CUTE to see a strong- headed man to just swoon over for one woman only. To remember each small information or detail which relates to her. For a man like Declan to be afraid to tell himself that he cares, loves and is scared for someone other than just his work and company or himself.

Declan is a man who can describe sentences or i would rather say his emotion in one word. He is so precious. I did not like the selfish business self of him in the middle or the end of the book but it is expected from a person who doesn't have any goal in life other than take care of his company, its profits and his brothers (just from difficult situations). He is my favorite when he shows his venerability only to iris, when he does not think that showing her how he feels not only about her but every other thing in the world or about himself is not a sign of weakness but strength. How when he realizes he loves her, he doesn't shy away from that feeling but rather tries to win over his wife. Too sweet. I love how he knows about iris's difficulties and have always been caring for her without knowing it himself. Always been helping her overcome everything she needs to, to become a strong and independent woman, even if she does not get to know till the end section of the book.

There was just one part where i thought that maybe i would have left him if i was to be put into iris's shoes, when he used her insecurities against her in a bout of anger and stress. Blaming her was one thing but to say something so offensive, poking the sensitive topics, was something which i didn't like at all. I do not think so i could forgive a person who can hurt me deliberately at my face by using something I'm too sensitive about. Or make fun of it, just because you are angry and do not have the ability to think so the first thing you do is attack personally (maybe i would give a second chance to that person but after a lot of time). Maybe i am not at that place right now, but if i could be iris and love a person so much and it was someone like Declan i might forgive for real... ( i haven't been in love irl).

Overall i loved his character, it was just amazing reading from his prospective. i always love a good book with tells the story from both sides.

*IRIS (24yr old) : Personal assistant to Declan and is herself Ms. NOT-SO-READY-FOR-COMMITMENTS. Goal-oriented woman, who didn't think she would be Mrs. Kane and bear his kids any day, and not when she definitely had a 5year plan to make a family. She does not understand why she cares too much for Declan, apparently just enough to actually marry him for his benefit and also bare him a child like for real.

Iris is afraid of commitments, she is a person who leaves or bow out of a relation before it gets too real for her, too emotional, attached or too open. It all comes down from her parents relation, which was not a smooth one, it was abusive, and they had to leave or can i say "run" to protect themselves and their future. For iris " love marriage means to lose more than she is willing to part with".

We also see iris struggling with words since she was a child , and of course as always being bullied for it by her father, friends, schoolmates and so on. Because apparently people can not shut up or mind their own business like ever, so for her to overcome that barrier or at least work on it and outshine everyone has always been her one and only goal. She is a strong woman who does not let her disorder define her.

I particularly loved her and Callahan's friendship in the book, how these two bestfriends stood for each other every time, anywhere. From feelings and heartbreaks, to littlest things like chatting or gossiping. It came with a downside that we see iris having no friends other than Cal because she is always working extra hours and on holidays even to complete assignments. ( that is what you get for being personal assistant to a very busy boss, who thinks of work even in his dreams maybe). She is a selfless woman for Declan, loving and kind, just right for him and him alone, but too good for anyone else.

Overall, i loved loved loved this book. i would definitely would want everyone to read it, ( if you haven't read already and also maybe if after reading almost everything happening in the book) sorry for some solid spoilers people but i assure you, who ever would want to read this book that little details i missed will be worth reading. One of the reasons that i think we should make Declan our one of the favorite book husband is because that it is very difficult to get a man like Declan in real life and also it is almost impossible to be someone like iris.. ( although i feel it is too much to actually marry someone and bear them children for their own benefit in today's time like in real life). But nonetheless it was a fantastic one of the three. Of course you can make it out from the way i have written about Declan and iris (and Zahra and rowan from book one. Vast difference, I think I have something for troubled billionaires just like iris and also for this particular troop of marriage of convenience)

Well, i am reading the third and last book of the Dreamland billionaire trilogy and hopefully will write soon... Keep smiling!!

Xoxo,

Ironically Witty!

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roboticchibitan · 6 months ago

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Mentioned on discord that I think this post blowing up is a bit funny but I should've expected it cuz tumblr is the land of haters but then I ended up going on a rant lecture about the importance of ironing between steps. I figured I'll do another "V decides to be educational instead of just a hater" lecture.

So my poor victim friend on discord knew you should iron fabric before sewing and after finishing, but wasn't aware of all the ironing you should ideally be doing in the middle. I say ideally because let's face it ironing is tedious and boring and sometimes we don't care about things looking neat. But when we DO care, maybe because we're entering something in a contest/the fair or making clothes for work and want them to look professional or any time where you want everything to look neat and tidy, like 50% of your sewing time should be devoted to ironing (very rough estimate but like you'll spend A Lot Of Time ironing).

Now. I'm not as passionate about ironing as I am about gauge swatches. If you don't want to do all the ironing I'm about to talk about, fine. Whatever. This post is for the people who aren't experienced enough to know all the different things you should be ironing. As you get more experience with sewing you'll come to know when something should 100% definitely be ironed, when it probably should be ironed, and when it's skipable.

I'm not going to explain what's skipable because that varies greatly project to project and person to person. For this I'm going to assume that the reader wants their work to look as professional as possible.

Hems

Okay, I'm assuming we're talking about a fold hem allowance, fold hem, sew in place type of hem because that's what I have the most experience with. Ideally you should iron at every point in that process. When you fold the hem allowance in, iron it. Then fold the hem in. Iron it again. Sew it. Iron it again. And actually I lied because I am gonna say sometimes I just fold my hem allowance in, fold my hem, and iron all at once. It's not ideal and the top folded edge of the inside of the hem can get messy this way. If you sew it in place and it already looks neat, the final ironing isn't technically required. It depends on your fabric and how well everything stayed in place during sewing. But again if you're wanting it to look professional, iron it again.

Seams

For a lot of seams, especially ones that will show on the outside such as the leg seam in a skirt or pair of pants, after you finish sewing a seam, you should iron the seam allowance (either open or to one side, depending on the pattern) and then iron the seam open. Ironing the seam open means going from the right side and ironing down the seam making sure to iron as if you're trying to separate the two pieces of fabric. Sometimes you can iron the seam allowance to one side while you're ironing the right side of the seam open but again it depends on your fabric and it leaves a lot of room for things to get messy.

*note sometimes you want to iron it not quite open but with one side overlapping the other a bit. I can't remember what this is called (I don't actually sew that much. I'm at an intermediate level but most of my formal teaching happened when I was 8-10 years old) but it is still a method of making the seam look neater.

Hidden edges

In a lot of cases when you're hiding a raw edge, such as the edge you fold to the inside of a waistband, you should act like it's a hem and iron the allowance to the inside. For a waistband specifically, continue to iron like it's a hem in that you fold, iron, fold again, iron again. Most waistbands look much neater when they're ironed

Some of these may seem pointless because when you wash the item it loosens wrinkles in the fabric. However. Have you ever noticed that when you accidentally iron a wrinkle into something when ironing that wrinkle is way harder to get out than the wrinkles from the wash? Depending on your fabric and the iron settings you choose, ironing eeeever so slightly affects the fibers of your project and can make them slightly denser, making these folds you're ironing into the fabric more sturdy. This doesn't happen with all fibers but, for example, the 3cm hem of my hot pink linen palazzo pants has stayed nice and neat because I ironed on high heat and steamed the fuck out of them which shrunk the fibers ever so slightly and made the fabric denser. This doesn't work as well on synthetics and your mileage may vary in general but I am quite pleased with those hems.

Basically, if you want it to look ✨professional✨ you need to iron almost everything. Yes that too. But know that the majority of us don't actually do that and I personally am not gonna judge you if you are like me and decide "actually ironing is objectively the worst part of sewing and I don't care if this particular part of my project looks a bit bad." But let's not brag about how bad our projects look in the notes. We aren't Catholic here we don't need "I never do the thing and yeah everything looks bad but I just suffer" comments. OK?

I have learned a new pet peeve I have which is sewing tutorials not showing the ironing step when something has clearly been ironed to look neater. Especially beginner tutorials or tutorials advertised as easy. People won't know about that step if you don't tell them! They'll wonder why yours looks so neat and tidy whole theirs looks frumpy!

#v's fiber arts tag #sewing #v decides to educate instead of just being a hater #<- new tag since this keeps happening

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bluetomorrows · 10 months ago

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My Extensive Thoughts on Sailor Moon SuperS

Something I don't do a lot is extensively talk about things I dislike. There are plenty of things I dislike and I'll mock and complain about them, but when I write long essay-like reviews, it's usually for something that I really like. I don't usually have the energy or passion to write about things I hate. Even if, just for example, it was a sequel/new entry in a series I love. Beneath the Planet of the Apes is one of my least favourite movies in large part because it's an atrocious follow-up to a movie that's very dear to me. But I don't think I could make a big write-up about how much I hate it. I can't bring myself to care that much about it. Which is what makes me feel weird about this, because I did not care for Sailor Moon SuperS, and by God I have a lot I want to say about it.

Maybe it's because it's bad in a unique way. Maybe it's cause it's a 39-episode season and not a 90-minute movie. Maybe I'm just in the mood to be a hater. I don't know why I want to write this, but I really do. This time it's cathartic.

Let me just start with what I actually did like. The animation is still on par with the previous seasons and seems to be of somewhat more consistent quality (some stuff like Sailor Moon S jump around with the quality). The watercolours are still beautiful, all the colours still really pop both in the backgrounds and the cels. One thing I really liked about this season was the music. It might be the best in the series so far, it’s at the very least on par with the previous seasons. The outro theme is super catchy J-Pop and some of the battle music, specifically in the last few episodes is really spectacular. I’d recommend checking out some tracks.

Alright, enough cushy praise let’s get straight to disappointment. I thought about structuring this review by going from what I thought were the smallest to the biggest flaws, but I think it’s necessary we start with the biggest flaw of this season right out of the gate because almost every other issue stems out of this one major problem:

Sailor Moon is not the main character of Sailor Moon Super S.

Usagi Tsukino is not even remotely the main character of this season, the protagonist is her time-displaced daughter Chibi Usa. This is a point I don’t think even this season’s most adamant fans would argue with. It’s hard for me to really hammer this home as much as I can as someone reading this may think I’m exaggerating. I’m not. If you don’t believe me simply read the episode descriptions of the season. Chibi Usa is at the center of every plot, and as such the show closely follows her. The protagonist we have followed for the last 3 seasons, really is nothing more than a side character for this entire story. Since this is my biggest sticking point with the season I want to try to approach it from a place of good faith. I want to try to understand why this is the way that it is. I want to see why this decision was made, what the creative team hoped to gain from it, and why I think it doesn’t work.

I want to talk about Chibi-Usa as a character. In the 30th century when the whole world was at peace and everyone could live forever in a utopia, Usagi and Mamoru had Chibi-Usa. She’s a little girl (in the manga she’s actually very old but not physically aging, an aspect I’m actually glad they changed for the anime) who for plot reasons has to go to the past and get the sailor guardians help in the second major arc of Sailor Moon. Chibi Usa initially bumps heads with the guardians (ESPECIALLY Usagi who she has to live with under the guise of a cousin) but eventually comes to appreciate and respect them, as they grow fond of her. Eventually, they defeat the big bad and Chibi Usa is able to go back to the future and reunite with her future family. In Sailor Moon S she shows up yet again, returning to the 90s so she can train to be a sailor guardian, this is kind of a flimsy stupid reason but I won’t harp on it. She continues to fight with Usagi but her prominent role is in befriending Hotaru, and her kindness to her ultimately being what saves the world.

Chibi Usa consistently ranked high if not outright first in Sailor Moon popularity polls at the time but if you were to ask Sailor Moon fans how they feel about her you’re most likely going to get incredibly negative responses. If I were to compare her to another fictional character I would choose Scrappy Doo. They’re both essentially child versions of the most marketable character in their series, introduced partway into its run, who most people believe disrupted the original beloved group dynamic and shoved the other characters to the side so more focus could be put on them. And they’re annoying. Similar to Scrappy Doo, I think the hate for Chibi Usa is pretty overblown in online circles. Not to say I don’t think any of the criticisms against them are valid (Unlike Chibi Usa, Scrappy pushing the other characters out for the sake of focusing on him is objectively true. Fred and Velma just straight up stopped being in the show), I just think people just have a lot of blind hatred to things aimed at children, and also mostly get their opinions from other people online rather than forming their own.

I think Chibi Usa can be an effective foil to Usagi when she is allowed to respect her. I believe what they were going for is the idea that Chibi Usa is a faster learner and generally more capable with tasks, but Usagi is more emotionally intelligent, secure in herself, and mature (at least where it’s important). That dynamic challenges both of them and exposes their strengths and weaknesses. Where the show usually goes wrong is downplaying Usagi’s strengths and portraying Chibi Usa as an all-around better person who does not and has no reason to respect or admire Usagi. In SuperS specifically she gets really overly mean to her but I’m getting ahead of myself.

What bothers me about the use of Chibi Usa in the show is that she is rarely actually part of the group dynamic. She’s almost always sectioned off in the plot to go do her own thing. I don’t really understand the point because they never tell interesting stories with her. She doesn’t have unique allies to bounce off of. She doesn’t have any interesting internal struggle to overcome. She doesn’t have any of the traits that make someone like Usagi a great protagonist.

There’s no point in using Chibi Usa to tell a story about a young inexperienced girl trying to grapple with being a Sailor Guardian and grow stronger because that’s what the show was already about before she was introduced. What’s the point in trying to pass on the torch when Usagi is like, 16 years old? Chibi Usa just wasn’t made to be a protagonist. She was designed as a supporting character and that’s fine! Let her grow in that role. If you’re going to make her the protagonist at least expand her character and personality. I think it’s possible that the creative team was scared of altering her in a meaningful way in the event it upset her fanbase. Chibi Usa is an empty character and it overall makes for a show that lacks interesting conflict and growth.

But to be fair to SuperS, they do have someone for Chibi-Usa to bounce off of, and receive her love and respect; that being the new character Pegasus. If I were to describe Pegasus in a single word it would be creepy. He’s like a grown-up horse man and he and Chibi-Usa clearly have a thing for each other. Later when we see his human form it’s clear that he’s closer in age to Chibi-Usa but still looks too old for me to be comfortable. He’s also just a wet blanket of a character. He and Chibi-Usa rarely have any conflict (and when they do it’s forced and irritating) and get along perfectly which kind of just leaves their relationship pretty boring despite how much emphasis the show puts on it. I just struggle so much to describe any of Pegasus’ personality traits aside from “He’s nice” which just doesn’t make for an interesting and well-rounded character.

I’m getting a bit irritated right now because Pegasus is such a big part of the show and such a big part of why I find it so boring and frustrating yet despite that I’m struggling to write much about him. He’s just a completely nothing character. He isn’t even bad in an interesting way he’s just so damn bland. I just want to make clear that he’s a very important character to the narrative and story I just can’t bring myself to write anything more to him. The bad guys want to kill him and take his MacGuffin. Like that’s the whole conceit of the season.

I suppose I should also talk about those bad guys. The Dead Moon Circus are the antagonists this season and they’re… okay. The individual members actually have a lot of personality even if I don’t think they’re all amazing characters. Everything is circus-themed and it leads to some really great designs, with the caveat that it feels like they ran out of ideas after the third monster of the week (Some of those guys are REALLY stretching the theme but it’s unintentionally pretty funny). My biggest problem with them is that they do feel underdeveloped despite some interesting personalities and their motivations aren’t even clear until the last few episodes (It’s not an exciting twist. It’s not a twist at all really). They have the potential to be interesting but the show drags its feet in giving me any reason to really care about any of it.

Sailor Moon is a show about hope and love. Sailor Moon SuperS is a show with no Sailor Moon that’s about nothing. I’m sure they thought it was still about those things, they certainly try to push that in Chibi Usa and Pegasus’ creepy relationship, but the show is ultimately more focused on making Chibi Usa seem cool or cute than telling any interesting stories. When the previous seasons focused on lighter material, it still served to explore and develop the relationships among the sailor guardians. In SuperS they’re just not allowed to do that because anyone other than Chibi Usa is a non-entity who is undeserving of the audience’s care or attention. This isn’t even mentioning cutting the outer senshi out of the show which was a move so obviously terrible that they immediately walked it back for the next season (Chibi Usa and Sailor Pluto’s relationship still has so much more you can add to it! It could have been great if she was here!).

At the end of it all I just feel empty. It’s an incredibly empty show with incredibly empty characters. It doesn’t make me feel anything other than apathy now. It’s a bad season of TV and I’m glad to be done with it.

#sailor moon #sailormoon #review #anime #90s anime #classic anime #retro anime

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onwriting-hrarby · 2 years ago

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today i am annoyed

I'm annoyed at some comments with the Blackpink comeback. The song is NOT good. Blackpink's songs have NOT been good for years. Teddy is a disaster as a producer, and the girls do NOT deserve it. Explaining or giving your opinion does not make you a hater, or an "anti-fan" or not "a true blink". Defending everything they do just because "you're a fan" is completely disrespectful to their work (because they cannot learn from it) and to other bands who, honestly, are doing quite a better job. We can call Blackpink a lot of things (they are iconic, for one; the girls have charisma, they are one of the best dancers around, they are really homogenous and god, they've been 6 years in the industry killing the same concept and vibe), but to pretend that what YG and Teddy are doing is "a good job" (when they've barely been promoting their comebacks, and every comeback takes two years) is a stretch, and that doesn't make a gaslighter or an anti. It makes me have a mf opinion and criticism.

Also tired of the same shit in EM community. I saw a writer deactivate all their accounts and delete their story because, probably, they've gotten hate over it. It pisses me off how this community feels entitled enough to mistreat their writers or "cult" them. You're either in the cult or you're a f pariah. The accounts that are *thankfully* promoting works are professional, but a lot of accounts with a great following should be more careful what they say or do, know their actions carry consequences towards smaller creators or smaller accounts. They live for the pairing and, honestly? It's just CARTOONS. It's just FICTION. You're all getting overheated for someone shipping other ships? Not to mention the banalization of words which I have expressed over and over because it pisses me off everytimes I see "M*** is with J*** out of pity" / "Those shippers are pedophilic" / "You tolerate incest" / "You're a racist" / "This is grooming". Oh my god. I wish you NEVER encounter groomers, pedophiles, racists and true pity in your life, man, or you'll explode.

And also very tired of this same community and the kpop community for thinking that... 25 is old? 21? I've seen today "You're 21 too old to be staning kpop", or a lot of twitter accounts saying "i'm a minor, +25 dni". What do you mean do not interact? I'm not your fucking mom. You should be wary of the internet yourself, do not put the responsibility in me to take care of a kid who can't stand different opinions and the hellish of a site that is the internet. If you can't curate your own content that is absolutely your problem and maybe it signals that you should be outside touching some grass with people your age instead of trying to control the narrative of an space that wasn't tailored to you in the first place, as I'm sure your school courses on "Internet Safety" have taught you. Internet became famous because of a sex tape between Pam and Tony, so grow the fuck up and I truly hope that when you blow your 25 year-old-candles you have your life figured out as an adult, because I can tell you that not knowing what to do with your life, not having good housing, or a good salary, or everything that the adults are supposed to have, are struggles that comes with 25 and older.

#needed to vent

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gemsofthegalaxy · 1 year ago

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eeeee no this is great this is exciting lol. i love to spread the greg love around esp bc. well. hes got a lot of haters which is fine ppl are entitled to dislike whoever. but i like to see positive stuff about my favs now and again >_>

Yeah tbh he gives me very wayward, constantly uprooted, never having the chance to really settle except perhaps at his Grandpa's over some summers but he never got to know the people around there either, because Ewan always wanted him to do whatever activities Ewan laid out for him, some of which he liked like being with animals, others he was less a fan of, vibes.

And yeah! i just think it would be kinda funny for him to be like, he's American when it's most convenient but he mostly aligns himself with Canada to sort of distance himself, always shifting and molding himself to whatever will get him the best deal or out of a tight spot.

Okay, questions: I think Greg would be very quiet and awkward in school, sitting to the side of the room. I actually sort of think he would be a bit of a teacher's pet, he seems like a suck-up and that his mother would always encourage him to make a good impression but also challenge grades (this carries over to university). He's still got very middling grades even tho teachers like him. I feel like in canon he mimics the poetic and verbose way Ewan speaks, so to some adults he comes across as an "old soul" or mature and always has gotten along with older people.

Honestly the American college/university reputation thing scares the shit out of me. I wrote a whole college au for Tomgreg and I was not brave enough to put them in a specific state/college because I didn't want to have to act like I knew the culture around that place, if it would be a good or bad job for Tom or any of that.... That being said, people do still have pride around their alumni and certain universities do have reputations, especially program specific ones like "This place is the BEST for medicine ugh you could only get in There instead?" but i don't think it's as intense as the US. I think mostly Greg just wanted to go to a place where he could live on his own for a while, so not in the city his mother lived in XD

ummm. for his first job I've become very attached to the idea he worked at an Ice Cream shack which was typicalish for *my* coastal upbringing, again thats just bc i wrote a fic about it tho lol. Quite a few people have early summer jobs at local organizations bc the government subsidizes summer term student jobs, like, working for the people putting on the yearly town festival, or for the city cultural department putting on events for kids.

I also headcanon he went to Explore, which is a French language intensive immersion program. i also went to this and i still can barely speak French so to me it's not unrealistic that he'd have gone at least once, and still be only okay at French. It's for university students. It would have been SO funny to see him try to speak French to Marcia and she just switches back to English continuously which sometimes Francophone people will do to you In Canada x_x i believe it could have happened.

Okay, um we did have Marianas Trench which was part of MY FOB/PATD/MTrench emo/pop punk trifecta personally. I feel like Greg would have a very wide and varied music taste. Where i'm from country music is soo popular lmfao so I think he likes that but i don't like it, so I can't tell you what.

OH My god somehow I have never actually considered Tom and Greg at a hockey game but that would be.... so amazing. i bet they would actually be very competitive it could get ugly. oh GOD now, i don't know if Greg is a Habs or Leafs fan. I was saying he's Ontarian, which would be more Leafs, but he might have an allegiance to Quebec anyway because of his Grandfather........... god. Especially if Ewan cared at all about Hockey which god idk. If he did, Greg might be obligated to be a Habs fan (which ew. i was born and raised Leafs smh). Maybe he supports Boston to avoid the fighting tho tbh.

Lastly. 100% i think he pulls "you're such an AMERICAN" on tom if it's ever a) funny or b) beneficial to his argument even tho again he's a dual citizen lol.

Thank you so much for being interested to hear my perspective!!! we dont get much background on greg so this is all conjecture with a HIGH dose of projection from me. but i love to talk about it and share my opinions anyway~!

Hello hi 👋 if you are willing to indulge me I would love to hear any and all of your Canadian Greg thoughts!!

I am also a Canadian Greg truther but I live in America so I can’t imagine the full extent of what it means for him to be a Canadian boy™

Ooooohhhh hell yeah I love to share the Good Word about Canadian Greg at least from my thoughts

while I tend to tweak his background based on the specific fic I am writing here in there, I really truly believe Greg has moved around a lot in his life. I like to think in fact he's got American citizenship/was probably born there but after his dad (presumably) left after he (presumably) cheated on Greg's mother, they moved back to Canada so Marianne could be closer to Ewan (for better or for worse considering Ewan is....... kinda a dick imo) and now he's a dual-citizen, always an interloper, never quite Canadian enough but not quite settled into American culture.

Partially due to my own experience I think he grew up mostly in Ontario, he doesn't come across as, like, Quebecois to me tho neither do Ewan or Logan despite canonically being raised there so uh you know, and I only ever spent 5 weeks in Quebec myself. but, French Canadian peoples tend to be connected to their Francophone identities in my experience with Acadians and other Francophones in other areas of Ontario, so yeah i mean idk. It's not impossible but he feels more Ontarian, I could see some Western hcs but I've never been further West so like........... i stick him in Ontario bc it's what I know better.

On that, I think he speaks passable but not excellent French with an Okay accent, he likes and knows hockey, has a variety of Canadian slang he doesn't pull out around his US folks. He likes colour-coded Canadian money because it's easier, dammit.

I also like to imagine him spending a bit of time in small town Atlantic Canada, that is the epitome of self-indulgence for Me because that's where my own actual experience mostly lies. He has some random factoids about fishing. I like to imagine he did Little Rocks which is a curling program for kids, he was almost definitely a Scout (he might have moved to Canada young enough to be a Beaver Scout🥺) and he knows, how to safely start a fire and camping basics (i think he prefers to stay in a cabin to a tent tho lmfao), and I believe he genuinely likes some outdoorsy activities, such as hiking, but also wants to be able to retreat to a comfortable area and not be left out in the rain or anything like that.

I think he was raised Catholic which could be anywhere lmao and knows how to hunt but doesn't love it (which I think it was said he did in the scripts in Hunting, as well as Tom, but I can't recall?). I think he made friends that always felt temporary, he was often the new kid and always the weird gawky guy, but he got along with some people even if he was sometimes the butt of the joke too. He did stupid shit like putting hairspray on his hands and letting other guys light it on fire, partially to fit in and partially because "What's the worst that could happen". Not necessarily exclusive to Canada but I knew these guys irl. So.

One of the things I've noticed that is a big difference between Canadians and US Americans is we don't mythologize or adore our founders the way they do. Unsure impact that has on Greg, but part of me likes to do a little excusing for him, that he rationalizes meddling with American politics and the landscape of the News using the idea that it's not his "Real home", even though he knows damn well the US impacts Canada in a huge way. It's another one of his many excuses, like, "it's not my fault, i'll get in trouble if I don't, i need a job to survive and this one is as good as any" etc.

Finally. Another one of my Greg headcanons despite having 0 evidence canonically and in fact evidence against it to an extent- he likes a good graphic tee. Most of them are stored at his mother's. Most importantly, he owns this:

which i photographed in a real Canadian walmart.

#long post #greg hirsch #the original post was so long i should have used a cut #i put a cut now tho lmao

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lady-indiana · 4 years ago

Text

Practice Challenge {pt. 2}

Read PART 1

Part 2

An hour after I had heard the news, I was driving through the streets of downtown Lauderdale.

My hands were clutched tightly to the wheel as I turned into the library on the west side of town. This library, once surrounded by overgrown grass and falling apart at the edges, was now the nicest building on this side of town.

It had a parking lot, even though most of the people and children who used it didn’t own cars. It was made of bricks, some discolored from the repairs done in the past year.

On the pathway leading up, there were cute little signs with frogs and bunnies that said sayings like “reading is FUN!” and “Reading takes you on adventures!”

I parked the car, taking the keys out of the ignition and walked up the path to the door. In the entrance of the library, there was a little foyer with more posters and signs with positive sayings and quotes.

To the left, there was a pinboard displaying different activities and demonstrations they were holding. I walked down the hallway, heading into the main room, and looked around. I spun slowly, gazing up at the Illéa approved books that lined the shelves.

In the corner of the room, there was a line of new computers.

I thought back to my childhood when this little building was a refuge for all of the other homeless kids I ran around with. We were all in the lower castes, and this library was open to the public, specifically the lower castes. Now, there were almost triple the books they had back then. There also used to be only one old computer.

And when I finally took control of it over some kid was playing an online game that took forever, it was where I edited my first short film at the age of thirteen. The short film that changed my life.

I was spooked by a voice, “Oh! Indie!”

Meredith, the 70-year-old something woman who had been running the library as a volunteer for as long as I knew came out from her office. She was a sweet woman, who cared a lot about education and creativity and making the world a better place. I really liked Meredith.

“Hi Meredith,” I said, smiling in her direction.

“I can’t believe it! I really can’t believe it, Indie! You’re one of the Selected!”

I giggled, watching her get all excited.

“I know, I really can’t believe it either.”

I looked down, sudden feeling… embarrassed, overwhelmed, unworthy?

“Oh, sweetie, you will be great. The prince is going to love you! I just know it!”

I chuckled softly at her optimism.

“Just to think,” Meredith continued. “Almost ten years ago you were hanging out here, trying to run complex editing software on that old dinosaur of a computer, and now you are about to head off to the palace!”

I looked around at the place, smiling contently. “It is amazing, isn’t it?”

“You deserve it, sweetie.”

“Thanks,” I responded, though I wasn’t sure if I believed her. “I just wanted to come by, and ask if you and the library will be alright while I’m on gone. If there’s anything you need before I go, let me know, and I’ll make sure it gets done. I’m not sure how much communication I’ll have access to while I’m there.”

“Oh, honey, you’ve already done enough. Look at this place! Look at everything you’ve already done to make it better!” she said, gesturing around at the room.

“I just want to make sure,” I said, smiling kindly.

“Well, the only thing I can think of is that we’ll have to postpone the camera seminar that you were supposed to teach. That’s no problem though! I’d teach it myself, but you know I don’t know how to work technology to save my life.”

“Maybe I can see if I can get one of my friends from Angeles to fly in and teach it. I know a lot of the kids were looking forward to it.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. I’m sure you are going to be busy in the next few days.”

“It’s the least I can do.”

“Really, sweetie, I want you to focus on yourself. This is a big opportunity. If anyone could be our future princess, I’d want it to be you.”

I sighed, grabbing Meredith’s hands in thanks.

“Well, then,” I said. “If you do need anything… repairs, books, lunch for the kids... put in on my tab.”

Meredith smiled, pulling me in for a hug that I reciprocated. “We will be fine. Have a great time, kiddo.”

I smiled, stepping back and looking around the room again. Finally, I waved goodbye and headed back out to my car, so I could go home and get ready for my life to change. Again.

---

I arrived to the airport early. It was a habit, really. Engrained in me from day one on my film internship when I was younger: Being early is being on time. And being on time shows that you care.

The plane was much like one I had flown in several times. Private planes were always rented out by the studios when we had to travel cross country for a shoot, so it was nothing new.

The leather seats, however, were surprisingly soft, and I placed my carry on bag in one of the overhead bins.

I knew there were supposed to be three other girls joining me for the flight. They were all from different provinces and were also selected. I had done minimal research on each of the girls, not because I didn’t want to know, but because I didn’t want to psych myself out.

When I researched something, I researched it intensely. I wrote notes all over, I made webs, I scribbled one-liners-- another habit I had developed from filmmaking. So, instead, I opted for just looking at their names and faces and provinces. Though, there were too many to remember for now.

My leg shook as I waited for the others to arrive. Suddenly, I was regretting my no-research strategy. I was going in blind, and I had no idea if I would even get along with any of these girls. What if they thought I was pretentious because I am two? What if they hate my movies?

Not a real concern, but I had seen some nasty haters before.

Just then, a girl walked onto the plane. Her golden hair made her shine in the sunlight, and she smiled brightly.

“Hi! I’m Evalin!” she said, walking further onto the plane.

I smiled back, happy that so far, Evalin seemed very kind. “Hi Evalin! I’m Indie.”

She sat down in the chair across the aisle from me, and turned so she was facing me.

“It’s nice to meet you!” she said. “You’re from Clermont, right?”

Clearly, Evalin was more researched than I was. I only had to remember three other girls and their provinces for this plane ride and was already drawing a blank. I suddenly felt dumb.

“Yes! I am... and you're from... remind me again?” I responded, smiling sheepishly.

Evalin, cool as ever while smoothing out her skirt said, “Carolina. You’re a movie director, right?”

So, she knew me knew me.

I tried to give a kind smile, hoping to come off as humble but I worried about failing. “I am. What is your profession?”

“I’m still in college, but I’m studying biology.”

College. I thought that was pretty cool. It had always seemed like an interesting path, but by the time I graduated high school, I was already in the film industry and no one thought I needed to pursue a degree. I guess they were right because a year later, I was nominated for an Illéan Oscar Award.

“Oh wow,” I said. “That's really cool. I could never do science.”

It was true, science was a nightmare in school. That, and math.

“Thanks! It’s second nature for me, really. I grew up around it,” she said, smiling sheepishly. “I think it’s really cool what you do, though! I’ve never had that kind of artistic vision!”

Evalin, though going into a field much different than mine, was clearly just as passionate as I was. She was sweet, and I was really liking her so far. I hoped that she liked me too.

“Aw, thank you. It's the only thing I could ever do, and I'm glad. I truly love it. The profession saved me in a way.”

Another truth. Without film, I would be nothing.

“That’s amazing!! That kind of passion is very admirable!”

I grinned, feeling great and confident now that I had one good interaction under the belt. Besides, this type of conversation I was used to. The film industry was all about networking after all. And passion pays off. It’s easy to talk about one’s passions and Evalin and I were both clearly passionate.

Suddenly, I glanced over at the digital clock on the wall of the plane. The schedule had said the plane would be leaving in a few minutes. We were still missing two girls.

“We are still waiting on two more right?” I asked. “The plane is supposed to leave soon.”

Evalin looked over her shoulder out of her window. “Looks like one is coming now!”

Just as she said that, a girl came rushing into the plane. She was distracted, glancing back over her shoulder ever few moments with a stare of curiosity.

“Sorry, sorry, my parents kept saying goodbye,” she explained, but then, she turned, smiling. “Idalia Moretti. What about you guys?”

She walked over to an empty seat and plopped down. I couldn’t help but stare at her amused. She was a chaotic force but still seemed like she was excited and nervous. She reminded me of the interns on a film set.

Evalin responded first. “Evalin Berg. It’s nice to meet you!”

I responded right after. “Hi! I'm Indie!”

Just then, the last girl entered. Her name, I actually remembered. Shala Lie. She had headphones in and stared at the ground, ignoring all of us. She sat far away, and stared at the window. We all watched for a second, before turning back to one another.

“Are you guys excited?” I asked, grinning.

“Very! A little nervous too, though. What about you?” Evalin said.

Idalia then added, “It should be an interesting day. Tomorrow is when I’ll be nervous. Or... I guess whenever we meet the prince.”

I nodded, agreeing with both of them.

“I'm definitely a little bit of both excited and nervous. But, you're right. Tomorrow is when things get really real.”

“True. Today is just makeovers and getting settled in, right?” Evalin commented, wincing slightly as if she was embarrassed she didn’t know. “Sorry, this whole thing has been a bit of a whirlwind. It’s kind of hard to keep track of all the details.”

She didn’t need to feel bad. The only reason I knew is because I had studied the schedule like a call sheet.

“Yeah, I think so,” I supplied. “I'm sure there will be people telling us what to do, and where to go. I wouldn't worry too much.”

In a way, I realized that this Selection wouldn’t be all that different from a film set. There would almost always be a plan, a place for us to go, expectations to be met, and a hierarchy to listen to.

“It’s kind of weird, being thrown into the spotlight like this!” Evalin pointed out. “Do any of you know any of the other girls? I’ve only gotten tidbits of information that my sister has dug up.”

I did know one of the girls. Emily Rose White. She had acted in a couple of my movies. She was really sweet, and I wondered when I would see her when we got to Angeles.

“Yeah, I just know the details because I have a friend obsessed with this stuff. She sent me a PowerPoint of ‘the most important things to know’ on everything and everyone,” Idalia said.

“I know one of the girls, Emily. She's acted in a few of my movies. And I know some of the other actors just from the industry talk and stuff,” I admitted. “A Powerpoint? That's iconic.”

It was. I found it highly amusing, and I couldn’t help but smirk at the idea.

“Oh wow!” Evalin responded, laughing nervously. “Dare I ask what it said about us?”

“Oh, Evalin... never read the reviews,” I joked, chuckling softly.

Though, I’m not sure Evalin understood I was joking because her face flushed, and she laughed nervously as she said, “Ah sorry! I’m used to my work being peer-reviewed.”

Idalia laughed slightly at the interaction before stepping in and looking at me. “She is iconic like that. She liked your last by the way. It was in her PowerPoint.”

“Oh, really? That's sweet!” I responded. Though, it was probably hypocritical considering the joke I just told.

It was just nice to know that people didn’t hate my movies.

“I’m pretty sure your slide just said, ‘bio smart but I have no idea what any of her work says,’” Idalia continued, looking at Evalin.

Evalin blushed even more. “Ah, I haven’t really done anything of note. I held a research position under my genetics professor last semester, but it was mostly just me using a microscope.”

That sounded so cool, I thought. So important. Evalin must be really smart.

“That sounds way more intelligent than anything I've done so... kudos to you,” I applauded her.

She was so shy about her work. I wanted her to know she should be proud of it.

“What movies have you directed?” she asked, suddenly turning the conversation around to me.

I blanked for a moment, feeling like a fool, who forgot her own movies.

My brain came back, and I was left listing off a few of my works. “Uh... a few. Some of them you might know are Lady Bird and Little Women. I've also done The Greatest Showman. But, I also direct episodes of TV series sometimes.”

Evalin’s face lit up. “Oh, I loved Little Women! That and Pride and Prejudice are the two movies my sister insists we watch whenever we have a family movie night!”

My heart warmed. To think, my movie, was being played next to the Pride and Prejudice.

I grinned, responding, “Pride and Prejudice is amazing. I'm glad my movie sits along beside it at your family movie nights.”

Idalia returned to the conversation with, “Funny. My house is usually filled with suggestions of Megamind on family night.”

I also gasped out loud, laughing, but I contained it with an amused smiling, responding sarcastically. “Hey, I mean, Megamind... important stuff.”

Evalin asked, “Do you have a lot of siblings, too?”

I replied easily, “No, actually. I don't have any siblings. You?”

I looked to both Evalin and Idalia.

With an amused smile, Idalia said, “I only have a younger brother but Megamind is usually not his idea.”

I laughed, responding the again sarcastically, “Like I said, Megamind... important stuff.”

“I probably tease him more than he teases me,” Idalia said.

I chuckled again along with Evalin, who said, “I have 3 brothers and a sister. Megamind is a classic.”

Megamind… Megamind was something for sure. I hadn’t seen it in forever, and it was probably on once.

Instead, I thought more about her four siblings. I couldn’t imagine having even one sibling, let alone four.

“A big family! That must be nice,” I said.

“It is, for the most part, but we can get a little antsy,” Evalin explained. “There’s plenty of teasing and pranks to go around! Having time to yourself must be nice, though!”

I smiled again.

“Can be. But, at least I get to live vicariously through my characters,” I added whimsically. “Oh, hey, Idalia, we never asked what your profession was. You seem like a prankster, it has to be something interesting.”

She grinned, leaning back in her seat. “Interesting assumption. I fence sabre. Or saber if you want.”

Fencing? Also very cool.

Evalin must’ve also thought it was cool because her eyes lit up and she and Idalia went back and forth for a little.

“Oh wow, that’s awesome! I thought your name sounded kind of familiar! You fenced in the Olympics, right? My youngest brother had the games on 24/7 when they were being broadcasted!” Evalin said.

At the mention of the Olympics, Idalia brightened. “I did. I’m going again next year. Or at least that’s the plan.”

“Ah, congratulations!” Evalin exclaimed, but then bit her lip nervously. “Are you nervous about the possibility of this selection taking over a year? I know the officials said it shouldn’t, since it should display the Prince’s decisiveness, but I have to wonder how into the Selection he’s going to be, what with his engagement to Evie Waldia being cut off so recently.”

Idalia takes a moment to take that in a looks up at the ceiling, “Time will tell. But I doubt they will say I can’t go. Illéa, like everyone else, sends people that can win. If I‘m still one of the candidates when the time comes, it would be foolish of them to deny my participation.”

So, she was confident then. I didn’t mind that. In fact, I sort of admired it. But, too much confidence can get you into bad places, from what I had seen in the film industry at least. I silently hoped she would be careful.

“That’s true,” Evalin said with a sigh. “It must be so cool, being able to compete for your country like that!”

Finally, I chipped into the conversation. “That really is cool, Idalia. I'm sure you'll get to go. It's probably even better press for Illéa if they send a Selected.”

Evalin nodded, agreeing with me. “That’s a good point! You’d get to be serving the nation in two ways at once!”

Idalia chucked. “I guess that could be said. So we got a film director, bio major, fencer and…,” she trailed off, looking over at Shala. “An unknown.”

Shala was still looking out the window.

I leaned in closer to Evalin and Idalia while looking over at Shala with a slide glance. “Should...should we try to talk to her...or?”

“Shala?” Evalin tried to call out to her. When Shala didn’t respond, Evalin frowned and turned back around. “Maybe she’s just very nervous.”

“Yeah, probably...”

More time passed, and we continued to talking to each other for the whole trip.

I shrugged. “Well, anyway, you girls seem really nice. It's definitely made me feel a lot better about this whole process.”

I truly was happy that this entire conversation had gone well so far. I had no idea if the girls would be at each other’s throats, but these two, Evalin and Idalia, seemed really sweet.

“Likewise,” Evalin responded, smiling. “It’s good to know that we’re not in this alone.”

I nodded and Idalia said, “I’m sure Prince Arin must be having a similar feeling.”

I nodded again, and then grinned, leaning forward.

“Speaking of Prince Arin... thoughts?”

Evalin blushed, “Well, he is quite handsome, don’t you think?”

I smiled, sitting back in my seat.

“He is quite handsome,” I agreed. “I'm excited to get to know him. Or, at least I hope I get a chance to know him.”

Evalin nodded, “Me too. I’d love to be able to talk to him and get to know him. I’m sure he has lots of interesting stories to tell.”

“Yeah probably. It's just crazy that we are going to be living in the palace of all places,” I said excitedly. “Hanging out with the Prince of all people. Feels like a fever dream.”

Honestly, I felt like I was living in a fairytale. But, then again, I had felt like that for a long time.

“Truly! I never imagined that this is where life would actually take me!” Evalin said, looking out the window. “It looks like we’re about to land!”

I nodded, looking out my own window. We were just barely starting to descend. The city of Angeles glimmered below, a city I was familiar with. A city I lived in most of the time. I had missed it, and it definitely would be weird to not head back to my house, but instead, to the palace.

“Yep. We should keep in touch down there. I think it'll be nice to have some friendly faces around,” I added, trying to come off as genuine.

Because I was, I just wanted to make sure they knew I was.

“Certainly!” both Evalin and Idalia agreed.

We continued to talk as the plane descended, speaking mostly about room arrangements. I was sad to find out that Idalia and Evalin were in the same hall, and I was in another, but I tried to stay positive. That would just mean a better chance of getting to know more people.

“I’ve heard there’s a woman’s room. And also the etiquette lessons,” Idalia said, as we talked about how we would see each other around.

“True! I’m kind of excited for the etiquette lessons. It’ll be nice to learn something different,” Evalin explained.

“Oh it’ll be something for sure,” Idalia responded, clearly amused. “How to be photographed, how to curtsy! Maybe which spoon is for the salad as well.”

I laughed a little, but warned, “Trust me, that’s not the hard stuff. It’s the learning to talk to the press that’s hard.”

That, I definitely knew. After all, I had been given etiquette lessons before-- right after my short film had taken off and I got sponsored to go to a school for threes. And then, my film career had taken off, and I had to learn how to do interviews and walk red carpets and how to be a proper two.

It was exhausting, but I was thankful for it.

“I wonder if they’ll make us learn how to walk with books balanced on our heads,” Evalin added.

I laughed, picturing it in my head. Evalin and Idalia were pretty funny.

“That would be funny to see,” I said.

Not long after that, the plane landed. We were escorted off, and into a limousine. We didn’t talk much during the ride, each of excited and nervous about what lay ahead of us.

As for me, I was happy to be back in Angeles and ready to try my chance at change and love.

[mentions: @evalinkatrineberg , @idaliamoretti , @emily-rose-white ]

#selectionoc #pcp1 #part 2 #indiana connors #fic #((I skipped the sendoff but oh well))

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caticornsrreal · 6 years ago

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Fighting Dragons with You

After twelve years, I'm finally telling the internet why I love Taylor Swift🖤

Hello, internet using world. I’d like to introduce myself to the few people who followed me. Hi! My name is Christa and I am a Taylor Swift fan with every fiber of my being. Full disclosure, this is a short novel so now is your chance to make an exit, but I hope you stay.

Taylor and my ridiculously furry cat, Lyle

(affectionately nicknamed “rent-free”), are the only two beings made of flesh and bone who have been consistent in my life for the last 12 years. With a close second being my son, Gauge, who just turned 10. I won’t get into the details (in this post) as to why that is, but let’s just say there were a lot of ups and downs growing up.

The last 12 years have been an evolution for Taylor,

and subsequently, for me. At (dare I say it)

38 years old, I’ve found that a lot of things happen in a decade. Like, A LOT. Now, I don’t feel 38. I guess I owe that to humor, singing, dancing, sarcasm, and launching a successful career that didn’t exist 15 years ago —something that has made me always push harder to set new goals and stay humble. But one thing I didn’t do over these last 12 years that I deeply regret was starting a fan page for Taylor. I mean, ESPECIALLY since I’m a professional travel blogger who makes her full time living from digital content!

There’s been a lot of momentum over the last 12 years

—demands which left me with little to no free time. But I can’t blame my absence from the Swiftie family entirely on that. In fact, I’d have to say, I blame much of it on fear.

Fear,

of being misunderstood, fear of judgment or writing something lame. I’ve had over 2,000 articles published online and in print as well as countless social posts, but the thought of Taylor seeing something I wrote and thinking it’s totally weird (or cough, too long for the internet), well let’s just say I’d be less afraid of walking into a burning building.

Fear,

of being called a fake because the financial demands as a single mom left me little money to spend on myself or Taylor merchandise, much less tickets to a show. I’ve always placed my son’s needs before mine.

Fear,

that I was too old to be a Taylor Swift fan. I mean, I was 26 when she hit the music scene and she was what, 16? I’ve been afraid. Afraid I would be rejected by other Swifties who really are the only people who understand this love we have for her —which is basically like being rejected by your own people. Also, it’s super weird to be following teens/young adults on social, much less engaging with them.

Fear.

Along with my fear, a perfect storm of entrepreneurial demands, single motherhood, failed relationships (one of which was a marriage), and family matters have served as a constant reminder that my dream of ever meeting Taylor takes residence on another planet. An actual trip to Mars seemed more attainable.

I feel like there is a whole demographic of women, “Swiftie Moms” who echo my story,

having watched Taylor grow into the strong beautiful woman she's become. Women my age who love her from behind the wheel of their SUV, on the way to drop their kids off to school, on the way back from a milk run, in the dark hours of the mornings when they’re dancing in the kitchen with a full on hair bun singing into a coffee spoon. Unnoticed fans who haven’t had the time to dive head first into the Swiftie Universe. But here I am. After all the fear and all the years...

So, why?

This is a hard one to answer. I guess you can say that after many years of challenges, judgment from others, and doing the complete opposite of what logic and reason said I should —divorce, single motherhood, a second degree in my late twenties... risking it all to start a blog (which by the way in 2013 wasn’t even considered a side job much less a career), I kind of got to a point where I became

fearless.

I had to be. I had this tiny living, breathing human being who was counting on me at the very least, to give him a life a notch above the shit show I had growing up. Not to mention parenting —which is basically wandless wizardry pulled directly from the asses of parents. It demands that your mini human grows up to be a better human than you.

Yeah, unpack that.

Take all your collective shit, figure it out, and then teach your mini to do it better —to BE better than you at love, kindness, respect for others (especially boys respecting girls), integrity, money, and to be fearless. All while giving them the comfort of knowing that you, mom, have it all figured out... even when that couldn't be farther from the truth.

Top that with the pressures of working in the public eye

—which, while on a microscopic level compared to a full-on celebrity such as Taylor, is still very much a juggling act with none of the entourage to lighten the workload. Add to it the demands of working with national brands, and the unwavering ability for other bloggers to tear you down at any opportunity, or even worse, try to get close to you so they can raid your success like a Black Friday sale.

I found myself at the peak of my blogging career

but I was consumed by fear, AGAIN! Fear of shady AF bloggers and publicists, and so much to lose. And fear that now, thousands of people would have an opinion of me formed by jealous bloggers, and they didn’t even know who I really was.

That’s when letting go of toxic people in my life became essential

—when, no matter who they were, or how I was tied to them, I had to realize that surrounding myself with the ones who lifted me took precedence over the ones who dragged me down.

After all that..... I learned to give zero f***s about what people thought, or what they said behind my back.

And I had to start caring about what made my heart happy, what made my family and friends smile, and what inspired me to do better. BE BETTER. Be the example of fearless, with the hope that I was lucky enough to stay that way. But I'm a vulnerable human made of heart and soul and sometimes people can still take the best from me.

I had to be fearless.

In August of 2017 when "Look What You Made Me Do” blessed my ears for the first time, I felt it pierce my skin and course through my veins. And to the very bones of this young 38-year-old Swiftie mom, I was shook AF! I sang, I danced and I drowned out the haters in the blogging world. She had a very clear message,

She had zero f***s to give, Taylor broke the internet.

After watching the seemingly endless myriad of shade thrown at Taylor over the years, my heart erupted with happiness as her flawless first single from Reputation revealed one BADASS BITCH. And with every music video release of her new era, she became a mythical Goddess with bullshit evaporating superpowers. Like, I legit think she’s an actual unicorn. After all, she does ride a caticorn named Olivia.

She got harder, she got smarter in the nick of time

One single post on my Facebook page praising her new era and new single she brought with it attracted a slew of hate speech, white people bashing, claims of Taylor ripping off Beyonce... I couldn’t believe the things I was reading from fellow bloggers. I even had a GLOBAL BRAND threaten my business relationship in their ambassador program because I stood up for Taylor and spoke out about the hate speech which was placed on my own personal Facebook page. But I stood by my words.

Fearless.

Over the following months into early 2018, and to the tune of, “This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things”, I, along with a slew of about 20 other bloggers, ended up taking down said global brand’s publicist who was using his budget and power to demean and sexually harass female bloggers (which would later reveal that blacklisting me was more about not buying into that bullshit rather than my voice on hate speech).

Zero f***s given to those haters.

Mythical Goddess with bullshit evaporating superpowers level officially achieved for Taylor, and even for me. Although I wouldn’t call myself a Goddess. That's all Tay. 🖤

She found love through the noise

And so did I. In November of 2017, I had approached the year anniversary of the greatest love I'd ever known. My last stop. And as the tracks played on, my heart was full. We both found happiness through a seemingly endless sea of anguish.

Taylor is truly doing better than she ever was, and so am I.

Her resilience up against the media and the demands of the industry are perfectly fearless. And her decision to keep her beautifully growing relationship with Joe private is wise. I’ve spent the last year at home, which has been incredible. I’ve had a lot of time to think about what’s most important to me, what has shaped me into the mom, partner and entrepreneur that I am, and it all comes back to Taylor. That’s why it’s time for me to be fearless again and officially join the Swiftie universe.

I’ve spent 12 years fighting dragons with Taylor

and growing a canyon of respect and adoration for her charm, wit, business savvy, musical talent, feminism, compassion, tenacity, love for animals, and of course her lovely, lovely, words. I’ve raised my son from birth with her. There isn't a single day that is spent where Taylor doesn't exist in our lives. For 12 years straight.

That’s a long time to love someone who has no idea you exist.

I play her music videos and YouTube uploads just so I can feel like she’s with us. And so my son knows that she’s one of the finest examples of a human being in his lifetime. I use Taylor’s kindness to teach my son how to be considerate and give back to others while sharing her fearless story with him so she can be a positive role model in his life. Taylor has essentially been part of our family all along.

My son Gauge has a running joke that Taylor is the only person that can make me cry

(which happens more than I'm willing to admit). And it’s not because I’m weak, or on the verge of a mental breakdown (although I challenge you to try parenting, you might argue that), it’s because I truly love her like a best friend. When I see her happy it makes me happy, when I feel her sadness, it makes me sad. It’s visceral.

I don't believe the human connection is meant to be one-sided.

I feel in my heart, as weird as this may sound, that we will meet Taylor one day, even against all odds. Existing in the same lifetime as Taylor without at least trying to meet her doesn't feel right. I won't look at my son and teach him to let fear and doubt win, or that defying the odds is an impossible task.

Over the years I’ve been a spectator to her outreach to fans. She’s invited them to sessions in her homes, sent them gifts, invited them backstage, surprised them in their homes, made hospital visits, and Lord knows what else she has up her sleeve. And it’s all been done with pure excitement and love for her Swifties. With each outreach she extends, tears of joy are shed for fellow Swifties, and a ray of hope inspires me.

So, I’m starting a personal blog

which tells a very personal story of all the dragons I’ve fought with Taylor over the years. From living in a car at 15 years old to getting invited to LA premieres for Walt Disney and Marvel films. And I'll have no apologies for the truths that will be told (but will change names for privacy). It will be very personal and some of it won’t be pretty. Because life isn’t always pretty.

Taylor is releasing another album this year... we hope,

and she’ll be on yet another tour in 2020. After 12 years I’m finally ready for it. I’ve given my son everything he could possibly want or need. I’ve bought him a beautiful home in Northern Georgia. He’s been able to travel the world and do things most adults haven’t even done. And I owe much of that to Taylor for giving me the strength to take major risks, the courage to face my demons, the balls to cut people out of my life who were toxic and the self-confidence to defy the odds and do things my way.

2019 is our year to show @taylorswift how much we love her.

I’ll let the universe do the rest. Till then, I’ll be fighting dragons with her as I always have and writing my journal for her and anyone else who wants to read the memoirs of an OG Swiftie mom who keeps it real AF, full-on hair bun and all.

#taylor #taylorswift #taylurking #taylornation #taylor swift #taylor13 #taylorswift13 #taylornation13 #fightingdragons #swifties #swiftie #tswift13 #deartaylor #dear taylor

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arreisstorm · 6 years ago

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BTS Paved the Way

Guys this is huge! Not only have BTS been nominated for a 3rd year for Top Social Artist, but they have made history yet again by rightfully earning a second nomination for Top Group/Duo!

Do you understand what the significance of that is? It means that 7 boys, who were once total strangers, courageously made the decision to endure hours of gruelling training, countless years of hate-filled commentary, and their own personal sacrifices in order to form this incredible and inspirational phenomenon, as well as become undeniable global superstars, and because of all their success, plus ARMY's undying love/support, BTS have now played this huge part in helping to pave the way for other Korean and Asian artists who wish to transition into Western media. It's mind-blowing when you think about it.

A couple years ago when BTS was first introduced to the Billboard stage, there were many who reacted in a negative and harsh manner. You see, some believed that the nomination was not fair and either the boys wormed their way into the line-up due to simply a popularity contest, basically saying that they were piggy-backing off the K-Pop industry's existing fame, or, others felt that because of the simple fact they didn't sing complete English versions of their songs, that somehow proved they had no place being involved anywhere near the category they would eventually come to win. Although both outlooks are equally misconstrued in their own ways, I guess there could be some sound arguments to the whole thing.

Now in no way am I agreeing with these opinions, but it is true that BTS had been growing in popularity by the time they received their first BB nomination for Top Social Artist, and this fact probably did end up playing a huge part in why the boys took home the title; however, that doesn't discredit the unfathomable amounts of hard work and passion that was put into every song, album, MV, and stage performance. I think it's pretty clear by now how much planning and effort BTS incorporates with their music, so why shouldn't all of it be rewarded with something meaningful? The award was beyond deserved.

So anyways, flash foward to the next year when BTS found themselves winning yet again for Top Social Artist and the reception was a little less hostile. By this time, Love Yourself: Tear had been gaining love and the album's title song FAKE LOVE had been soaring across the charts. More and more people were becoming fans and the boys began to feel even more love from a combination of both old and new ARMYs. Of course you can't have success without at least some haters, so when BTS did manage to win Top Social Artist for consecutive years, beating out fan favorites and huge contenders, there were those who blamed the Western music industry for "pandering" to outside influences in order to make themselves look good and save face. So due to this reaction, ARMY also came under fire and some even went so far as to start calling us toxic and spiteful, saying that we would slander anyone who voted against or didn't openly support our boys. Although this did happen in some cases, those who chose to act this way were, in fact, not part of the ARMY at all, and instead provided a twisted version of what we are really about. But let me remind you that this is happens with everyone, ARMY are not exclusive in this problematic situation.

Ok, so with that thought aside, let skip ahead to the true reason I decided to write this. So it has been recently announced that BTS have not only been nominated for Top Social Artist for 3 consecutive years, but also they have earned their first nomination that requires more than just a "popularity vote". Being chosen as a nominee for Top Group/Duo means that the music is the main focus, which in turn means that people are now being asked to recognition the importance of BTS as genuine artists and not just 7 pretty faces. That's amazing!

As sad as it is, it's true that Asian artists don't receive as much credibility as American artists when it comes to our country's music industry; that why with this nomination, I'm hoping that BTS could be the catalyst that changes that for the future and for future aspiring Asian artists as well. The above article expands on this when it says,

"...It also reflects the way critics don't think work from boy bands merit serious analysis, let alone the music of Asian artists, who still are underrepresented in the American music industry. This nomination feels like a big step. While their nomination is based on streams and airplay, and not critical praise per se, it shows that fans care about BTS' music as much as they care about their personalities. And when the industry truly understands that (as we saw happen with boy bands dating all the way back to The Beatles), it is a stepping stone to more respect from the industry and critics."

As a supporter of these boys and as an ARMY myself, I can't help but to become emotional while writing this. I keep thinking about how much I know this achievement means and how many years of struggles, doubts, hardships, and trials these boys had to go through to reach this exact moment. I realize for some it might not seem like much, a smaller achievement on the grand scale of everything BTS have going for them as of right now, but this is truly a monumental moment for them. When it comes to K-Pop, there are some bands who have allowed their style and sound to be transformed by outside opinions and criticisms; however, one of the aspects that I respect BTS the most for is their grounded beliefs and the fact that they refuse to let themselves be influenced or manipulated by others. They understand that music is universal, and that no matter the language, if the sound and message is important enough people will listen. They've been doing this from their debut and they will continue to til the very end. BTS are from South Korea, therefore they are going to sing in their native tongue. Yes they might incorporate some English words here and there, but Namjoon has expressed multiple times that, although they do appreciate the advice, BTS will never release a full English album. I would never expect such a thing either and I think it is very commendable for them to say this. I don't think people from different countries should have to cater to the will of Americans, I believe instead, we should appreciate those who are willing to share their language, their culture, and their hearts with us and accept it for what it is. When I see how strongly BTS have chosen to stick to their roots, it gives me even more of a genuine vibe from them. Anyone who listens to their music will see right away that they know who they are, they are confident in their message, and that not even the language barrier can destroy that. They have not worked years practicing and perfecting their craft just to have complete strangers tell them how they should and shouldn't act or speak. This Top Group nomination is blatant proof of that, and the fact that both EXO and GOT7, two other successful Korean groups, are also among the talent to be nominated this year for Top Social Artist is beautiful in its own right. Asian representation is here to stay; recognize it and respect it. ✌

Congrats again to BTS for earning such a monumental nomination and for making history yet again! You 7 never fail to amaze me 💜💜💜��💜💜💜

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mayfriend · 2 years ago

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19 be a hater pls :^D

Oh, I love being a hater, tysm <3

Idk if they're popular still, but when I was in school everyone kept on talking about Uglies by Scott Westerfield, and I figured huh, must be a pretty good book. NOPE. Go straight to (literary) jail, do not collect £200, do not pass go. I can see what he was trying to achieve with the whole 'beauty isn't important' angle, but it just came across very preachy and seemed to insist that anyone who cares more than 'normal' amount about their appearance is shallow, and doing the dance so many authors do when trying to undercut western patriarchal norms where they end up blaming women for wanting to be pretty in a society where they're point blank told that's what makes them worth something. If you want this done well (even if it's aimed at a slightly younger audience), try Jennifer Murdley's Toad by Bruce Coville.

All The Bright Places by Jennifer Niven. Now, before you get your pitchforks out: I think she again had a pretty good basis for a story idea. Finch and Violet are well defined, original characters and the end point is the strength of the story. But getting to the end... god, this book was a drag. I'm sorry, it was. The pacing was all over the place, it felt like Niven was just making the same point about life bring both difficult and precious over and over and over again in the same way, and didn't trust her readers not to need their hands held the whole way. Also, as a pet peeve, 're-MARKEY-able' is not that clever of a pun that it needs to be thrown about every other page.

My mum bought me The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton quite a few years ago now, and I still haven't been able to make it further than the first chapter. Apparently its very good but I just can't persist through the dull beginning.

I made the critical mistake of buying Nikita Gill's poetry book, Fierce Fairytales & Other Stories to Stir Your Soul, after seeing it for dirt cheap in a charity shop. Dear GOD do I know why it was cheap now. I've recently gotten into the habit of putting my name and the year into new books I start, because I like the thought that in the future someone might see it and have a moment of connection, but legit I want to rub my name out of this one so nobody knows I owned it, however briefly. It's that bad. I vaguely knew her name (mainly through searching for content for webs), and I'd seen a few lines of her poetry online that weren't awful, so I foolishly assumed that in order to publish a book it would need to have, you know, decent fucking content. I cannot actually express in words how bad it is. I couldn't force myself through the latter half - foolishly, I persevered at first because I thought there had to be something in there worth the cost of the paper and the ink, but no. No there is not. And again!! The IDEAS aren't bad!! People are updating fairy tales all the time!! But its just so lazy. There's drawings that I'd charitably say are just above the level of a thirteen year old girl doodling during English, a poem about Cinderella (at least I think it was Cinderella, but I don't hate myself enough to go and double check) that I shit you not referred to a fidget spinner, and the most boring rhymes and brain-dead interpretations of fairy tale characters you've ever seen. It's apparent meant to be 'feminist' fairytales but, deadass, they're just. They're just about Disney characters. Don't believe me?? Exhibits A to G (because it turns out I do hate myself enough to scan for the worst bits so you can all suffer as I suffered):

unLIkE moSt MeN oF hIs TImE, hE waS pROGreSsiVE

Like... my good bitch, half of that is written in the most jarring structure, unappealing sentences and awkward wording imaginable, and the other half is Disney™. Oh, the sea-witch is ample bodied, is she? 'Jafar' the Sultan's most trusted advisor was a poor boy come from nothing, huh? Cinderella's mother l i t e r a l l y told her "have courage and be kind", hm? Those motherfuckers will sue, and I kind of hope they do in order to get this refuse off the shelves.

There are more, but I got sidetracked (I couldn't find the fidget spinner line but I swear to you it's in there) and I need to go scream into a pillow or something after reminding myself about that godawful poetry book.

#ask game #may speaks #asks #gardenier #ty :))

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nothingnewunderheaven · 5 years ago

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QUEERS READ THIS A leaflet distributed at pride march in NY Published anonymously by Queers June, 1990 How can I tell you. How can I convince you, brother, sister that your life is in danger: That everyday you wake up alive, relatively happy, and a functioning human being, you are committing a rebellious act. You as an alive and functioning queer are a revolutionary. There is nothing on this planet that validates, protects or encourages your existence. It is a miracle you are standing here reading these words. You should by all rights be dead. Don't be fooled, straight people own the world and the only reason you have been spared is you're smart, lucky or a fighter. Straight people have a privilege that allows them to do whatever they please and fuck without fear. But not only do they live a life free of fear; they flaunt their freedom in my face. Their images are on my TV, in the magazine I bought, in the restaurant I want to eat in, and on the street where I live. I want there to be a moratorium on straight marriage, on babies, on public displays of affection among the opposite sex and media images that promote heterosexuality. Until I can enjoy the same freedom of movement and sexuality, as straights, their privilege must stop and it must be given over to me and my queer sisters and brothers. Straight people will not do this voluntarily and so they must be forced into it. Straights must be frightened into it. Terrorized into it. Fear is the most powerful motivation. No one will give us what we deserve. Rights are not given they are taken, by force if necessary. It is easier to fight when you know who your enemy is. Straight people are your enemy. They are your enemy when they don't acknowledge your invisibility and continue to live in and contribute to a culture that kills you. Every day one of us is taken by the enemy. Whether it's an AIDS death due to homophobic government inaction or a lesbian bashing in an all-night diner (in a supposedly lesbian neighborhood). AN ARMY OF LOVERS CANNOT LOSE Being queer is not about a right to privacy; it is about the freedom to be public, to just be who we are. It means everyday fighting oppression; homophobia, racism, misogyny, the bigotry of religious hypocrites and our own self-hatred. (We have been carefully taught to hate ourselves.) And now of course it means fighting a virus as well, and all those homo-haters who are using AIDS to wipe us off the face of the earth. Being queer means leading a different sort of 2 life. It's not about the mainstream, profit-margins, patriotism, patriarchy or being assimilated. It's not about executive directors, privilege and elitism. It's about being on the margins, defining ourselves; it's about gender- fuck and secrets, what's beneath the belt and deep inside the heart; it's about the night. Being queer is "grass roots" because we know that everyone of us, every body, every cunt, every heart and ass and dick is a world of pleasure waiting to be explored. Everyone of us is a world of infinite possibility. We are an army because we have to be. We are an army because we are so powerful. (We have so much to fight for; we are the most precious of endangered species.) And we are an army of lovers because it is we who know what love is. Desire and lust, too. We invented them. We come out of the closet, face the rejection of society, face firing squads, just to love each other! Every time we fuck, we win. We must fight for ourselves (no one else is going to do it) and if in that process we bring greater freedom to the world at large then great. (We've given so much to that world: democracy, all the arts, the concepts of love, philosophy and the soul, to name just a few gifts from our ancient Greek Dykes, Fags.) Let's make every space a Lesbian and Gay space. Every street a part of our sexual geography. A city of yearning and then total satisfaction. A city and a country where we can be safe and free and more. We must look at our lives and see what's best in them, see what is queer and what is straight and let that straight chaff fall away! Remember there is so, so little time. And I want to be a lover of each and every one of you. Next year, we march naked. ANGER "The strong sisters told the brothers that there were two important things to remember about the coming revolutions, the first is that we will get our asses kicked. The second, is that we will win." I'm angry. I'm angry for being condemned to death by strangers saying, "You deserve to die" and "AIDS is the cure." Fury erupts when a Republican woman wearing thousands of dollars of garments and jewelry minces by the police lines shaking her head, chuckling and wagging her finger at us like we are recalcitrant children making absurd demands and throwing temper tantrum when they aren't met. Angry while Joseph agonizes over $8,000 a over for AZT which might keep him alive a little longer and which makes him sicker than the disease he is diagnosed with. Angry as I listen to a man tell me that after changing his will five times he's running out of people to leave things to. All of his best friends are dead. Angry when stand in a sea of quilt panels, or go to a candlelight march or attend yet another memorial service. I will not march silently with a fucking candle and I want to take that goddamned quilt and wrap myself in it and furiously rend it and my hair and curse every god 3 religion ever created. I refuse to accept a creation that cuts people down in the third decade of their life. It is cruel and vile and meaningless and everything I have in me rails against the absurdity and I raise my face to the clouds and a ragged laugh that sounds more demonic than joyous erupts from my throat and tears stream down my face and if this disease doesn't kill me, I may just die of frustration. My feet pound the streets and Peter's hands are chained to a pharmaceutical company's reception desk while the receptionist looks on in horror and Eric's body lies rotting in a Brooklyn cemetery and I'll never hear his flute resounding off the walls of the meeting house again. And I see the old people in Tompkins Square Park huddled in their long wool coats in June to keep out the cold they perceive is there and to cling to whatever little life has left to offer them. I'm reminded of the people who strip and stand before a mirror each night before they go to bed and search their bodies for any mark that might not have been there yesterday. A mark that this scourge has visited them. And I'm angry when the newspapers call us "victims" and sound alarms that "it" might soon spread to the "general population." And I want to scream "Who the fuck am I?" And I want to scream at New York Hospital with its yellow plastic bags marked "isolation linen", "ropa infecciosa" and its orderlies in latex gloves and surgical masks skirting the bed as if its occupant will suddenly leap out and douse them with blood and semen giving them too the plague. And I'm angry at straight people who sit smugly wrapped in their self-protective coat of monogamy and heterosexuality confident that this disease has nothing to do with them because "it" only happens to "them." And the teenage boys who upon spotting my Silence=Death button begin chanting "Faggot's gonna die" and I wonder, who taught them this? Enveloped in fury and fear, I remain silent while my button mocks me every step of the way. And the anger I fell when a television program on the quilt gives profiles of the dead and the list begins with a baby, a teenage girl who got a blood transfusion, an elderly baptist minister and his wife and when they finally show a gay man, he's described as someone who knowingly infected teenage male prostitutes with the virus. What else can you expect from a faggot? I'm angry. QUEER ARTISTS Since time began, the world has been inspired by the work of queer artists. In exchange, there has been suffering, there has been pain, there has been violence. Throughout history, society has struck a bargain with its queer citizens: they may pursue creative careers, if they do it discreetly. Through the arts queers are productive, lucrative, entertaining and even uplifting. These are the clear-cut and useful by-products of what is otherwise considered antisocial behavior. In cultured circles, queers 4 may quietly coexist with an otherwise disapproving power elite. At the forefront of the most recent campaign to bash queer artists is Jesse Helms, arbiter of all that is decent, moral, christian and amerikan. For Helms, queer art is quite simply a threat to the world. In his imaginings, heterosexual culture is too fragile to bear up to the admission of human or sexual diversity. Quite simply, the structure of power in the Judeo-Christian world has made procreation its cornerstone. Families having children assures consumers for the nation's products and a work force to produce them, as well as a built-in family system to care for its ill, reducing the expense of public healthcare systems. ALL NON-PROCREATIVE BEHAVIOR IS CONSIDERED A THREAT, from homosexuality to birth control to abortion as an option. It is not enough, according to the religious right, to consistently advertise procreation and heterosexuality ... it is also necessary to destroy any alternatives. It is not art Helms is after .... IT IS OUR LIVES! Art is the last safe place for lesbians and gay men to thrive. Helms knows this, and has developed a program to purge queers from the one arena they have been permitted to contribute to our shared culture. Helms is advocating a world free from diversity or dissent. It is easy to imagine why that might feel more comfortable to those in charge of such a world. It is also easy to envision an amerikan landscape flattened by such power. Helms should just ask for what he is hinting at: State sponsored art, art of totalitarianism, art that speaks only in christian terms, art which supports the goals of those in power, art that matches the sofas in the Oval Office. Ask for what you want, Jesse, so that men and women of conscience can mobilize against it, as we do against the human rights violations of other countries, and fight to free our own country's dissidents. IF YOU'RE QUEER, Queers are under siege. Queers are being attacked on all fronts and I'm afraid it's ok with us. In 1969, there were 50 "Queer Bashings" in the month of May alone. Violent attacks, 3,720 men, women and children died of AIDS in the same month, caused by a more violent attack --- government inaction, rooted in society's growing homophobia. This is institutionalized violence, perhaps more dangerous to the existence of queers because the attackers are faceless. We allow these attacks by our own continued lack of action against them. AIDS has affected the straight world and now they're blaming us for AIDS and using it as a way to justify their violence against us. They don't want us anymore. They will beat us, rape us and kill us before they will continue to live with us. What 5 will it take for this not to be ok? Feel some rage. If rage doesn't empower you, try fear. If that doesn't work, try panic. SHOUT IT! Be proud. Do whatever you need to do to tear yourself away from your customary state of acceptance. Be free. Shout. In 1969, Queers fought back. In 1990, Queers say ok. Next year, will we be here? I HATE ... I hate Jesse Helms. I hate Jesse Helms so much I'd rejoice if he dropped down dead. If someone killed him I'd consider it his own fault. I hate Ronald Reagan, too, because he mass-murdered my people for eight years. But to be honest, I hate him even more for eulogizing Ryan White without first admitting his guilt, without begging forgiveness for Ryan's death and for the deaths of tens of thousands of other PWA's --- most of them queer. I hate him for making a mockery of our grief. I hate the fucking Pope, and I hate John fucking Cardinal fucking O'Connor, and I hate the whole fucking Catholic Church. The same goes for the Military, and especially for Amerika's Law Enforcement Officials --- the cops --- state sanctioned sadists who brutalize street transvestites, prostitutes and queer prisoners. I also hate the medical and mental health establishments, particularly the psychiatrist who conviced me not to have sex with men for three years until we (meaning he) could make me bisexual rather than queer. I also hate the education profession, for its share in driving thousands of queer teens to suicide every year. I hate the "respectable" art world; and the entertainment industry, and the mainstream media, especially The New York Times. In fact, I hate every sector of the straight establishment in this country --- the worst of whom actively want all queers dead, the best of whom never stick their necks out to keep us alive. I hate straight people who think they have anything intelligent to say about "outing." I hate straight people who think stories about themselves are "universal" but stories about us are only about homosexuality. I hate straight recording artists who make their careers off of queer people, then attack us, then act hurt when we get angry and then deny having wronged us rather than apologize for it. I hate straight people who say, "I don't see why you feel the need to wear those buttons and t-shirts. I don't go around telling the whole world I'm straight." I hate that in twelve years of public education I was never taught about queer people. I hate that I grew up thinking I was the only queer in the world, and I hate even more that most queer kids still grow up the same way. I 6 hate that I was tormented by other kids for being a faggot, but more that I was taught to feel ashamed for being the object of their cruelty, taught to feel it was my fault. I hate that the Supreme Court of this country says it's okay to criminalize me because of how I make love. I hate that so many straight people are so concerned about my goddamned sex life. I hate that so many twisted straight people become parents, while I have to fight like hell to be allowed to be a father. I hate straights. WHERE ARE YOU SISTERS? I wear my pink triangle everywhere. I do not lower my voice in public when talking about lesbian love or sex. I always tell people I'm a lesbian. I don't wait to be asked about my "boyfriend." I don't say it's "no one's business." I don't do this for straight people. Most of them don't know what the pink triangle even means. Most of them couldn't care less that my girlfriend and I are totally in love or having a fight on the street. Most of them don't notice us no matter what we do. I do what I do to reach other lesbians. I do what I do because I don't want lesbians to assume I'm a straight girl. I am out all the time, everywhere, because I WANT TO REACH YOU. Maybe you'll notice me, maybe we'll start talking, maybe we'll exchange numbers, maybe we'll become friends. Maybe we won't say a word but our eyes will meet and I will imagine you naked, sweating, openmouthed, your back arched as I am fucking you. And we'll be happy to know we aren't the only ones in the world. We'll be happy because we found each other, without saying a word, maybe just for a moment. But no. You won't wear a pink triangle on that linen lapel. You won't meet my eyes if I flirt with you on the street. You avoid me on the job because I'm "too" out. You chastise me in bars because I'm "too political." You ignore me in public because I bring "too much" attention to "my" lesbianism. But then you want me to be your lover, you want me to be your friend, you want me to love you, support, you, fight for "OUR" right to exist. WHERE ARE YOU? You talk, talk, talk about invisibility and then retreat to your homes to nest with your lovers or carouse in a bar with pals and stumble home in a cab or sit silently and politely by while your family, your boss, your neighbors, your public servants distort and disfigure us, deride us and punish us. Then home again and you feel like screaming. Then you pad your anger with a relationship or a career or a party with other dykes like you and still you wonder why we can't find each other, why you feel lonely, angry, alienated. GET UP, WAKE UP SISTERS!! 7 Your life is in your hands. When I risk it all to be out, I risk it for both of us. When I risk it all and it works (which it often does if you would try it), I benefit and so do you. When it doesn't work, I suffer and you do not. But girl you can't wait for other dykes to make the world safe for you. STOP waiting for a better more lesbian future! The revolution could be here if we started it. Where are you sisters? I'm trying to find you, I'm trying to find you. How come I only see you on Gay Pride Day? We're OUT, Where the fuck are YOU? 8 WHEN ANYONE ASSAULTS YOU FOR BEING QUEER, IT IS QUEER BASHING. RIGHT? A crowd of 50 people exit a gay bar as it closes. Across the street, some straight boys are shouting "Faggots" and throwing beer bottles at the gathering, which outnumbers them by 10 to 1. Three queers make a move to respond, getting no support from the group. Why did a group this size allow themselves to be sitting ducks? Tompkins Square Park, Labor Day. At an annual outdoor concert/drag show, a group of gay men were harassed by teens carrying sticks. In the midst of thousands of gay men and lesbians, these straight boys beat two gay men to the ground, then stood around triumphantly laughing amongst themselves. The emcee was alerted and warned the crowd from the stage, "You girls be careful. When you dress up it drives the boys crazy," as if it were a practical joke inspired by what the victims were wearing rather than a pointed attack on anyone and everyone at that event. What would it have taken for that crowd to stand up to its attackers? After James Zappalorti, an openly gay man, was murdered in cold blood on Staten Island this winter, a single demonstration was held in protest. Only one hundred people came. When Yuseuf Hawkins, a black youth, was shot to death for being on "white turf" in Bensonhurst, African Americans marched through that neighborhood in large numbers again and again. A black person was killed BECAUSE HE WAS BLACK, and people of color throughout the city recognized it and acted on it. The bullet that hit Hawkins was meant for a black man, ANY black man. Do most gays and lesbians think that the knife that punctured Zappalorti's heart was meant only for him? The straight world has us so convinced that we are helpless and deserving victims of the violence against us, that queers are immobilized when faced with a threat. BE OUTRAGED! These attacks must not be tolerated. DO SOMETHING. Recognize that any act of aggression against any member of our community is an attack on every member of the community. The more we allow homophobes to inflict violence, terror and fear on our lives, the more frequently and ferociously we will be the object of their hatred. Your immeasurably valuable, because unless you start believing that, it can easily be taken from you. If you know how to gently and efficiently immobilize your attacker, then by all means, do it. If you lack those skills, then think about gouging out his fucking eyes, slamming his nose back into his brain, slashing his throat with a broken bottle --- do whatever you can, whatever you have to, to save your life! 9 reeuQ yhW Queer! Ah, do we really have to use that word? It's trouble. Every gay person has his or her own take on it. For some it means strange and eccentric and kind of mysterious. That's okay, we like that. But some gay girls and boys don't. They think they're more normal than strange. And for others "queer" conjures up those awful memories of adolescent suffering. Queer. It's forcibly bittersweet and quaint at best --- weakening and painful at worst. Couldn't we just use "gay" instead? It's a much brighter word and isn't it synonymous with "happy?" When will you militants grow up and get over the novelty of being different? WHY QUEER Well, yes, "gay " is great. It has its place. But when a lot of lesbians and gay men wake up in the morning we feel angry and disgusted, not gay. So we've chosen to call ourselves queer. Using "queer" is a way of reminding us how we are perceived by the rest of the world. It's a way of telling ourselves we don't have to be witty and charming people who keep our lives discreet and marginalized in the straight world. We use queer as gay men loving lesbians and lesbians loving being queer. Queer, unlike GAY, doesn't mean MALE. And when spoken to other gays and lesbians it's a way of suggesting we close ranks, and forget (temporarily) our individual differences because we face a more insidious common enemy. Yeah, QUEER can be a rough word but it is also a sly and ironic weapon we can steal from the homophobe's hands and use against him. NO SEX POLICE For anyone to say that coming out is not part of the revolution is missing the point. Positive sexual images and what they manifest saves lives because they affirm those lives and make it possible for people to attempt to live as self-loving instead of self-loathing. As the famous "Black is beautiful" slogan changed many lives, so does "Read my lips" affirm queerness in the face of hatred and invisibility as displayed in a recent governmental study of suicides that states at least one third of all teen suicides are Queer kids. This is further exemplified by the rise in HIV transmission among those under 21. We are most hated as queers for our sexualness, that is, our physical contact with the same sex. Our sexuality and sexual expression are what makes us most susceptible to physical violence. Our difference, our otherness, our uniqueness can either paralyze us or politicize us. Hopefully, the majority of us will not let it kill us. 10 QUEER SPACE Why in the world do we let heteros into queer clubs? Who gives a fuck if they like us because we "really know how to party?" WE HAVE TO IN ORDER TO BLOW OFF THE STEAM THEY MAKE US FEEL ALL THE TIME! They make out wherever they please, and take up too much room on the dance floor doing ostentatious couples dances. They wear their heterosexuality like a "Keep Out" sign, or like a deed of ownership. Why the fuck do we tolerate them when they invade our space like it's their right? Why do we let them shove heterosexuality --- a weapon their world wields against us - -- right in our faces in the few public spots where we can be sexy with each other and not fear attack? It's time to stop letting the straight people make all the rules. Let's start by posting this sign outside every queer club and bar: RULES OF CONDUCT FOR STRAIGHT PEOPLE 1. Keep your display of affection (kissing, handholding, embracing) to a minimum. Your sexuality is unwanted and offensive to many here. 2. If you must slow dance, be as inconspicuous as possible. 3. Do not gawk or stare at lesbians or gay men, especially bull dykes or drag queens. We are not your entertainment. 4. If you cannot comfortably deal with someone of the same sex making a pass at you, get out. 5. Do not flaunt your heterosexuality. Be Discreet. Risk being mistaken for a lezzie or a homo. 6. If you feel these rules are unfair, go fight homophobia in straight clubs, or: 7. Go Fuck Yourself. I HATE STRAIGHTS I have friends. Some of them are straight. Year after year, I see my straight friends. I want to see them, to see how they are doing, to add newness to our long and complicated histories, to experience some continuity. Year after year I continue to realize that the facts of my life are irrelevant to them and that I am only half listened to, that I am an appendage to the doings of a greater world, a world of power and privilege, of the laws of installation, a world of exclusion. "That's not true," argue my straight friends. There is the one certainty in the politics of power: those left out of it beg for inclusion, while the insiders claim that they already are. Men do it to women, whites do it to blacks, and everyone does it to queers. The main dividing line, both conscious and unconscious, is procreation ... and that magic word --- Family. Frequently, the ones we are born into disown us when they find out who we really are, and to make matters worse, we are prevented from having our own. We are punished, insulted, cut off, and treated like seditionaries 11 in terms of child rearing, both damned if we try and damned if we abstain. It's as if the propagation of the species is such a fragile directive that without enforcing it as if it were an agenda, humankind would melt back into the primeval ooze. I hate having to convice straight people that lesbians and gays live in a war zone, that we're surrounded by bomb blasts only we seem to hear, that our bodies and souls are heaped high, dead from fright or bashed or raped, dying of grief or disease, stripped of our personhood. I hate straight people who can't listen to queer anger without saying "hey, all straight people aren't like that. I'm straight too, you know," as if their egos don't get enough stroking or protection in this arrogant, heterosexist world. Why must we take care of them, in the midst of our just anger brought on by their fucked up society?! Why add the reassurance of "Of course, I don't mean you. You don't act that way." Let them figure out for themselves whether they deserve to be included in our anger. But of course that would mean listening to our anger, which they almost never do. They deflect it, by saying "I'm not like that" or "Now look who's generalizing" or "You'll catch more flies with honey ... " or "If you focus on the negative you just give out more power" or "you're not the only one in the world who's suffering." They say "Don't yell at me, I'm on your side" or "I think you're overreacting" or "BOY, YOU'RE BITTER." They've taught us that good queers don't get mad. They've taught us so well that we not only hide our anger from them, we hide it from each other. WE EVEN HIDE IT FROM OURSELVES. We hide it with substance abuse and suicide and overarhcieving in the hope of proving our worth. They bash us and stab us and shoot us and bomb us in ever increasing numbers and still we freak out when angry queers carry banners or signs that say BASH BACK. For the last decade they let us die in droves and still we thank President Bush for planting a fucking tree, applaud him for likening PWAs to car accident victims who refuse to wear seatbelts. LET YOURSELF BE ANGRY. Let yourself be angry that the price of our visibility is the constant threat of violence, anti- queer violence to which practically every segment of this society contributes. Let yourself feel angry that THERE IS NO PLACE IN THIS COUNTRY WHERE WE ARE SAFE, no place where we are not targeted for hatred and attack, the self-hatred, the suicide --- of the closet. The next time some straight person comes down on you for being angry, tell them that until things change, you don't need any more evidence that the world turns at your expense. You don't need to see only hetero couple grocery shopping on your TV ... You don't want any more baby pictures shoved in your face until you can have or keep your own. No more weddings, showers, anniversaries, please, unless they are our own brothers and sisters celebrating. And tell them not to dismiss you by saying "You have rights," "You have privileges," "You're 12 overreacting," or "You have a victim's mentality." Tell them "GO AWAY FROM ME, until YOU can change." Go away and try on a world without the brave, strong queers that are its backbone, that are its guts and brains and souls. Go tell them go away until they have spent a month walking hand in hand in public with someone of the same sex. After they survive that, then you'll hear what they have to say about queer anger. Otherwise, tell them to shut up and listen.

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