#this is all I was missing from my life the past few weeks tbh

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

I call these the Atsushi sillies.

| FISH TANKer's only / 2008 / TO-SEARCH

[katiascraft]

✐ᝰ "You knew all too well i was right where you left me" | CL16 ࣪𓏲ּ ᥫ᭡ ₊

parings: retired!charles leclerc x writer!ex!reader

series summary: It’s the story of a woman frozen in the moment her world fell apart. A perfect dinner ended with, “I met someone else,” and while everyone moved on, she remained stuck in that instant, unable to let go of the past. A poignant tale of heartbreak, grief, and the weight of being trapped in a “forever” that never was.

🔎 chapter one: “love is short but forgetting is so long”

🔎 chapter two: “did the love affair mail you too?”

🔎 chapter three: “you kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath”

chapter four: “help, I’m still at the restaurant” -> chapter five

‼️ best friends in this chapter: nikola (nik) , dorothy (dottie) and beatrice (betty). They all know each other from Oxford University where the four of them studied creative writing.

word count: +5,1k.

BLOG MASTERLIST - series masterlist

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agostinabff: hope you have a lovely week off mon amour!! You deserve it. We love you 💘

↳ yourusername: thank u for being the best part of my life 💌

y/nstan: omg GIRL we are the same person wtf 😭

user4: who is he and where can i find him to KILL HIM?????

nikolabff: is my air bnb recommendation good enough ????? (That looks disgusting, uber eats exists darling)

nikolabff: can't wait for tomorrow!! London should be scared of us 😈

nikolabff: did dorothy call you? She isn't answering my calls

↳ yourusername: babes!!!! Aaaaaa i'm so excited. I just ended call with dottie. She arrived safe and well, i missed you guys so much 😭 did betty text you?

↳ nikolabff: tbh she didn't but you know how she is. can't wait to see you all tomorrow!!

arthurleclerc: hey y/n i know this may be weird but just wanted to say, i read your book and it is amazing! my brother was an idiot you know? you are an amazimg person im sure you'll find someone who loves you deeply (if you didn't already. maybe you did) okay, i don't bother you any longer. hope we can meet again someday!

⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

⋆˚࿔ a week ago 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

“There'll be happiness after you, but there was happiness because of you. Both of these things can be true. There is happiness, past the blood and bruise, past the curses and cries. Beyond the terror in the nightfall haunted by the look in my eyes that would've loved you for a lifetime and leave it all behind. Tell me, when did your winning smile begin to look like a smirk? When did all our lessons start to look like weapons pointed at my deepest hurt? I hope she'll be a beautiful fool who takes my spot next to you. No, I didn't mean that. Sorry, I can't see facts through all of my fury. You haven't met the new me yet” you read that piece out loud from your personal journal to your therapist. She stayed silent for a while. You looked over at her knowing you skipped some parts but what you read in the end sank in.

“I think there’s a lot to discuss from just that single piece you wrote. But I wanna ask you something before anything else: do you really believe there will be happiness after him?” your therapist made you a question that felt like daggers pinching you that resulted in leaving you breathless for a few seconds. you loved and hated therapy for this reason. There were things you couldn’t question by yourself  because you never thought about it and things you didn’t know how to answer like this one.  

“I wish I could say yes. But i don't think i’ve been happy since he left” saying that out loud hurt yourself even more. It was not something easy to admit and accept.  But it was the truth. You have never felt really happy since then. 

She nodded, writing down in her notebook “but do you believe you can be happy without him? Why is he still so important or has so much space in your life that you can't be happy if he isn’t there? Why were you happy when he was with you?” as always, too many questions with so few answers. You felt exhausted, frustrated by the fact you didn't know what to think about it all. 

“I'm sure I want to be happy, I can't live like this anymore. I'm tired” you assured her and  yourself. You took a few seconds to think and she respected that. “I guess if I want to then I can, right? I mean, I talk to my friends and all of them tell me time and time again ‘don't let what happened define you’ and I try but I don't know why it is really hard for me” you explained looking at the floor. 

“And what’s that definition of yourself?”

“That i'm not worthy of love i guess. that there will always be someone better than me, more attractive, more lovable, more interesting. I can't be the one, for anyone” admitting it felt like an elephant stepped on you and you just died in the act. Your therapist, Maria, nodded looking at you. 

“Well, but in what you wrote you tell this woman he left you for, that you hope she is a fool like you, right?” she intervened. You nodded. “What can you tell me about it?”

You looked at your hands a bit sweaty. “I really don’t know. I mean her existence made me compare myself to her. She is so different. It made me feel all of those things I said before. And maybe i blamed her existence because if she didn't existed then, charles would still be here” 

“You think so?” 

“I guess, yeah” you looked at her. She wrote down more stuff on that notebook you were so intrigued by. 

“So, for you, there doesn't exist the possibility that maybe he just stopped loving you? Like even if she existed or not - could be any other woman or could be no one at all. Would it hurt more if he just stopped loving you?” you felt your brain make a 180 turn on itself. 

“I don’t know. Maybe, yeah, I mean. I Think it’s easier to blame someone then not have an explanation for it” your therapist nodded. 

“So,  why would she occupy your same place then? If you are different from each other, why would she be just like you? As a replacement it seems and at the same time who’s at fault for all of this situation and insecurities. And before you answer, I think we can connect that to what happened between your dad and mom, right?” she saw your face so confused she knew this was gonna be the end of the session so you could think about it during the next two weeks. “You told me you discovered your dad cheated on your mom. So all you ever dreamed was to find someone who would be better than him, to prove yourself that that isn’t your destiny, just like your mom. And then Charles left you for this other girl. And everything you built up in your mind to try to believe in love and to escape from the reality you had to live through, then it crumbled down in that instant. Leaving you feeling like there was no way you could be worthy of love, because you tried but Charles did exactly what your dad did to your mother. And since then you couldn’t date anyone else. This is a theory, I'm not saying it is what it is of course. But it seems that if they didn't exist then you wouldn’t be this hurt and maybe forgive charles,as you said when you wrote ‘and leave it all behind’ just like your mom did with your dad”

Her words echoed in your head for a while. The knot in your throat intensified. “Charles was my everything just like my parents were. And after what happened, with Charles and my dad, I guess I let that define me. I wanted to show myself that the love i’ve seen in books and movies existed, not like in my house. I wanted to make things right. In a way, to mend what hurt me the most. The betrayal of my dad. So I put Charles under that pressure and maybe that made things the way they went down. I don’t know to be honest. I don’t know why I want alexandra to be like me. Maybe that’s another way of convincing myself I'm not the only fool in this mess.”

“I don’t think you are a fool. Relationships are complicated and the reason he decided to leave could be based on a million reasons, and even in that situation. Maybe any of them are because of you or who you are as a person. People are complex and most times messy. Feelings aren’t easy to control or understand” she explained to you. “So, coming back to this new encounter you had with him, how did you feel about it?” 

“It felt weird, very uncomfortable to be around him. But at the same time a force drove me closer to him. I wanted to be closer. Ask him everything and at the same time punch him. He felt the same to be honest. Just like the previous day he left, when everything was alright.” you pulled a face you didn't know how to describe at that moment.  

“And you felt the same?”

“No i think, i didn’t” she nodded and half smiled at my answer. 

“Then, what’s the new you he didn’t meet?” 

“Who i am now i guess”

“And who are you?” her question made you realize you didn’t know how to answer that question yet. You knew you were different, because you felt different although stuck dealing with the aftermath of that relationship. She noticed your silence (because she knew all too well you didn’t know how to answer it) and smiled gently.

“Alright, y/N. Let’s leave it here and continue next session, okay? See you in two weeks”

Who the fuck were you now? 

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Mornings at your balcony were your favorite moment during the day. Your coffee was warm and comforting on a grey and windy day. You were covered in clothes and blankets. You needed that moment anyway. You wouldn’t let the winter win. You watched your neighbor cleaning his living room. He had his window opened so you could see a bit of what he was doing. However, you didn't see him very well because you didn't have your glasses on so it’s a bit blurry. You thought there was someone else with him. Probably a girl.but you weren’t that interested.the only thing you hated about your balcony was the fact that the view was partially blocked by that damn house up the hill. 

After a while, you took your stuff and went into your house again. You felt warmer instantly. You left the blankets on the coach and washed up what you used to have for breakfast a few minutes ago. You had to pack as soon as possible. On saturday, you travel to london to see your college friends and also because your friend franco, another formula one driver you met by chance at a college party, it was his birthday party. You wanted that week to be a good one. Be a week you genuinely enjoy and just be happy.

But after everything that happened the last month around Charles, it was really difficult. Your therapist was a really good help of course. But you hated not knowing how to handle all of these feelings you didn’t understand and that paralyze you. 

You only had one phrase in your head: ‘no one teaches you what to do when a good man hurts you’.

You couldn’t think of Charles as a bad man, or person or anything. Yes, he was stupid. And he destroyed your self esteem. And your trust. And yes, you still were kind of stuck in that restaurant. But you also had some kind of responsibility. And that also troubled you a lot. 

Your self esteem shouldn’t be defined by anyone else but you. What do you think about yourself? Who are you? That was your fault. You didn’t know how that would affect destiny for him to leave you but well, it is what it is yet. You kind of thought that maybe it’s the price you had to pay for putting him in a role he didn't want to be in. maybe you were too much. Too intense. Too dependent. He only wanted someone to talk and have fun with. But you wanted a good husband at 18, and a good father, and the one who would take away your pain and fix your traumas. 

Maybe he wasn’t the only one who hurt someone, but you also hurt him in some way.

Ten years in, and you still couldn’t explain what happened. What did you do or not do for him to stop loving you? Or perhaps you can actually stop loving someone but you didn't experience it yet. 

You sighed, reaching your travelling suitcase from on top of your closet. You almost fell so you had to grab a chair from your kitchen. You loved travelling but packing was a nightmare (also, because you couldn’t decide which outfits were good so you had to take two suitcases and pay extra everytime. Not that you didn't have the money and it was a problem. But you knew it was an unnecessary spend). 

That’s when you remembered how it was like to travel with charles. And you hated yourself for remembering his stupid laugh so cute it made your heart melt every time. Would he still laugh like that? Maybe it was best not to know it. 

If you were younger and he came back, you’d probably forgive him and leave it all behind just to be happy with him. But now, you wanted to leave everything behind: him, his family, the memories, the feelings, the hurt. And maybe that is what changed.

That was the new you.

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Your laugh was so liberating. Your hair was free in the wind. He was driving through the Monaco coast. It was finally summer break and you decided to have a picnic at the beach. His hand on your tight. David Guetta on the radio. You were singing along without a care in the world. 

Your fingers brushed his hand making him look at you through his sun glasses in a beautiful cute smile. 

“You look gorgeous, cherie” you saw his lips pronounce those words in slow motion, feeling your every fiber get wild inside you. Your smile was so big and your cheeks pink. He could melt forever just to see you this happy. You wanted to freeze those moments with him and live in them forever.

“I love you, Charles,” you said so warmly and softly. It was your romance movie playing over and over again. That’s how you felt. But when he heard you say those words, his face turned serious. Almost pulled a face of disgust. For some reason you got so scared you wanted to jump out of the car to save your life. 

You wanted to save your life. 

He noticed you wanted to escape so he tightened his grip on you tightly, hurting you but he wasn’t letting you go away. 

“Charles, let go of me” you said almost in a whisper. Your breath was fast. You needed to jump. You started fighting so he would let you go.

“Stop, cherie. We’re gonna have our happily ever after, isn’t that what you wanted?” he said, trying to drive and grab you at the same time. You started crying not knowing what to answer. The anxiety took over you.

“You said you loved me cherie, you can’t go now” he was crying and let go of the steering wheel. You got desperate seeing the car had no control and you were at the Monaco cliffs.

“Charles! CHARLES!” you screamed from the top of your lungs as you watched both of you exiting the driveway into nowhere. All the sea around you. Slow motion Charles looked at you with a huge smile. 

“Happily ever after baby” he said and you looked horrorized. But when you were about to scream again as if that would change anything.

Everything went black. 

You woke up drowning in cold sweat and tears. Your heart was beating too fast for your liking. The feeling you had in that moment of pure confusion was scared to death. For a moment you didn’t know if you were alive or dead. Your room was pitch black so it kinda felt like you died. But you were thinking and you thought there was no way you could think when dead, so you were alive. 

After a few seconds of paralysis, you react and turn on your light from your bed table. You took a deep breath and scrubbed your face to wake yourself up. Your face was wet still from your tears. The moment you were conscious again you felt defeated. It was the third time in the night you were having this kind of nightmares, now three days in a row. You laid back again in bed for a moment.frustration was all over your face. You were so tired of living like this. Yet, you didn’t know how to stop. You grabbed your phone to see what time it was. It showed 5:46 am. You snarled, hating your brain more than anything in the world. 

You got up from bed and went straight to the bathroom to wash your face. You knew all too well you couldn’t be able to fall asleep again nor you wanted to. It has been a terrible night already. So you let your brain win once again. 

You went downstairs to your studio where it was warm. Sun isn't out yet, so here you’ll be warmer. If not, you probably would have chosen the balcony as always. Or the restaurant, although you haven't come back to it since the last encounter with charles. You just didn’t want to go back there ever again. Just like the time he left. 

You sat on your chair at your desk. Eyes tired. You opened your journal. You didn’t remember writing so much like in the past week or so. But you had so many thoughts to write sometimes it got difficult for you to function properly. You just had to stay at home writing non-stop. Not only your upcoming book but your feelings. After the dream you had, a lot must be processed. 

I know I'm probably better off on my own than loving a man who didn't know what he had. And I see the permanent damage he did to me. 

Never again. 

I just wish I could forget when it was magic. 

But I also just wish you could’ve been a better man.  

You sighed reading your words again on paper. You felt worried about yourself. Like, maybe you were broken and couldn’t ever be fixed. You were scared that you wouldn’t be able to fix yourself back up again. Or even thinking that maybe you were born broken so how could you fix yourself then? You were scared there was no way out of this pain, agony, self hatred, nightmare you have lived these past years… or your whole life. You dreamed about being in love again with someone so different from charles yet maybe who makes you feel the same high. Or maybe higher erasing every trace of him or memory of your dad. Now lines were blurry. You didn’t want to think about your dad, not only because he was gone and you couldn’t do anything about it, but because it felt weird linking him in some way to charles, but if your therapist said so, maybe you were more troubled than you thought. 

Would there be a good guy? Do they even exist? You guessed you’ve never met one of them yet. 

I hold onto this pride because, these days, it's all I have. And I gave you my best, and we both know you can't say the same. 

Were you writing about him? Or about your dad?

You stared at the wall thinking about the answer that never came around. 

Just like the both of them did when it came to you. 

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It was 10 am in the morning already. You didn’t sleep a bit. You’ve been in a zoom meeting since 8. Talks about the movie in the making were held. Casting started so they sent you a few ones they think are perfect for the roles so you have to watch them after the meeting. Also, they go through the aesthetic and changes they will make from the book, and that’s why this meeting has been so long. They needed to discuss everything with you to make sure you agreed. They wanted to be respectful with your work and you appreciate it very much. It made you feel important. In other news, they thought that taylor swift could make the soundtrack for the movie and you got very excited about it. You loved Taylor's songwriting and believed (and were almost sure) she would make the perfect song for the movie. 

It was gonna be a long day ahead, full of work and watching hours of footage from castings. But it was for your dream. You still couldn’t believe you had your book be a movie in the making. It still feels surreal. 

Then you remembered charles’ ex followed you and liked your posts. And you were mad at him again. You were sure (no doubts at all for real), she didn't know who you were. Because he kept you buried like you were sin. 

A part of you wanted to believe he did it because he knew he fucked up and didn’t want people to judge him for his lack of sympathy towards his last lover. But at the same time you just found it cruel behavior with no reason at all to do that. You kinda felt dirty as if you were bad. Very bad. Banned from his life. 

You shook your head, getting yourself back to the present time and starting working again. Your lack of rest doesn't help in getting distracted with thought every minute but you were doing the best you could. Plus, work helps you not to think about anything else. And that’s good. 

You really needed a break from thinking. 

⋆˚࿔ finally the london trip arrived 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

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liked by nikolabff, beatricebff, francolapinto, landonorris and 678,435 others

yourusername: first few days back in london = first few days of happiness ❤️‍🩹

tagged: @nikolabff , @beatricebff , @dorothybff and @francolapinto

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user345: girl is happy we are happy

user3: omg such QUEENS

↳ francolapinto: i guess ur not talking about me

↳ user3: oh im so talking about you too

↳ francolapinto: 🤨

nikolebff: the girls girled

dorothybff: happy looks very hot on you darling 🫦

beatricebff: can you kiss already??????

↳ yourusername: no ❤️

nikolabff: gossip so good bro was giggling and kicking his feet

↳ francolapinto: it was indeed

↳ alexalbon: better bring that gossip to the paddok asap

↳ yourusername: it's CONFIDENTIAL

↳ alexalbon: booooooo ur so boring

↳ oscarpiastri: i wanna be part of this group please

↳ nikolabff: yes you can sir

↳ francolapinto: i thought no one else was allowed

↳ nikolabff: stfu 🩷

User231: i love this crossover of y/n and formula 1 drivers. I would've never expected it tbh

↳ franstan: same!!! I love it!! Didn't know she was friends with franco

↳ user354: i think they met a few years ago, y/n was asked about it on insta questions and she said they met randomly at a college party

↳ franstan: interesting

User1: girl!!! You look so good omg

francolapinto: te amo amiga so happy to see you happy ❤️‍🩹

↳ yourusername: te amo tambien ❤️‍🩹

↳ user778: EXCUSE YOU ???????

↳ franstan7: OMG OMG OMG

user4: WHAT IS HAPPENING ?

user324: so no one is gonna talk about lando world champion fucking norris being on the likes ????? 🤨🤨🤨🤨

↳ landostan: that was what i was thinking

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⋆˚࿔ finally the london trip arrived 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

Laughter was all over the place as well as a lot of bottles of alcohol with names you haven’t seen in your life. It was finally Saturday night, which meant it was Franco's birthday celebration. And because it was his birthday of course all the decorations were argentina flags everywhere and boca junior club t-shirts for everyone, including you. As you got to his house you were given one at the door to wear it. Fortunately, for you it didn’t ruin your outfit and I could say it looked great on you. Or well, that’s what franco said to you while preparing you a drink you haven’t ever tried before. He said it was called fernet with coke. You were already a bit drunk because you were drinking vodka with the girls while getting ready. You didn’t like vodka that much but after everything that happened in your life, you kinda felt the urge to drown in vodka or tequila. Mi gente latino music was playing non-stop. You knew Franco loved duki and bizarrap, and they were actually at the party. You couldn’t talk to them yet. So everything was a bit crazy even if you weren’t that many people. He was just a close friend to franco. So i guess it was like 60 people. Way too many people to be honest but for a famous 2 times world champion it was really a small amount of people so it was super intimate. 

“There you go, hermosa” he said, handing you the glass full of black liquid. You looked at it a bit worried in a funny way and grabbed it. He let out a cute laugh. “Try it, you’re gonna like it, i promise” he encouraged you. He couldn’t resist the view of you with that boca juniors on. Probably, the combination of you and that was his heaven made on earth. He was really down for you, since it felt like forever. Probably since that night at that party back 6 years ago or so. You always have a different light that anyone can match. and that’s what he liked most about you along with your authenticity. You were so unique to him. He looked at you biting his lip a little trying not to be so obvious. 

You tried the drink looking into his eyes. You were really close  but you felt really comfortable. Your friends have left you alone with him the minute he came forward to  you, of course. They really believed you could work out with him. And after vodka and long talks about it with them, maybe you would give it a try. But it scared you, you didn’t want to use him as a friend. So it was a risky situation in your opinion. Although, you could see he liked you for a long time now. And you found him funny and really attractive in your opinion. You give it a few more sips to taste it fully. “Oh I think I like it,” you said, giving him a funny smile. 

“I told you. I’m the best fernet preparer in this whole country… and also, I did it with love just for you” he said, making you laugh and blush after the last sentence he said. 

“I’m sure it’s the love you put in it” you gave it another sip looking at him. His face turned red and let out such a cute giggle. Alcohol was making you melt for your best friend? We guess so.

He got closer grabbing your waist and planted a sweet kiss on your cheek making you nervous as you never felt for a long time. However, it felt weird. Maybe as if this shouldn’t be happening. 

⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

Franco’s house was enormous. The party was being held at the gallery near his garden. It was cold but the lights and the people stuck to each other made it warmer. You were with your girls again dancing to bad bunny and los del espacio songs. You didn’t understand a word because Spanish was definitely not your talent. You tried to learn because of Franco, and he tried to teach you, but failed every time. You did learn a few words anyway but speaking fluidly was something you won’t ever do. Or that’s what you thought about it. It was your third fernet. You didn’t know it was so good. Also it could make you so drunk. And you were way too drunk by now but you never felt so happy. You were laughing about anything and everything. Dancing without a care in the world. Enjoying being surrounded by your friends. Charles wasn’t on your mind nor any trace of him or his family or the history behind you two. Memories have faded away, washed by the alcohol in your veins. You didn’t remember having so much fun since forever. Your girls were right. Life was so much more than Charles, you were so much more than what you were with him. And all of this you have it because of you and you alone. In that moment you felt liberated. Free from the curse it was put on you. Free of judgment. Free of insecurities. Until you saw that damn mullet and when it turned around you felt kind of speechless. Your eyes locked in that man you didn’t know but he was so hypnotic. You couldn’t stop looking at him. 

“Girl! Close your mouth, you're drooling! Is it for franco, huh?” Nikola joked when she saw you like that, making you laugh while shaking your head. 

“No it isn’t girls, is that guy over there i don’t  know who he is but he is so beautiful” you said pointing your finger in his direction unconsciously. Because when you looked at him again he was looking at you straight in the eyes. You almost freaked out and ran away from there. His fucking smile. What the hell is happening to you? Your friends looked over at him as well with no simulation at all. The four of you were pretty obvious. And that’s when another guy turned around to see where his mate was looking over with that face. Nikola almost fell to the floor.

She turned around freaked out, making all of you stop looking at them so weird. Alcohol makes you behave so embarrassing for your liking. 

“Holy shit girls, it’s oscar fucking piastri and lando norris” her eyes were leaving her face for a bit. You grabbed her arms still confused. You didn’t know them but you heard nik talking about that oscar a few times. Betty and Dottie looked over at them again but they were gone. 

“Okay they are gone nik” dottie said. Betty took a sip from her drink. You wanted to say something but you felt someone grab your waist from behind and kiss your head.

“Hello ladies” of course it had to be franco. You smiled nervously looking at your friends. One of your hands placed over Franco's arms not wanting him to let go. You liked it. Or that’s what you drowned in alcohol though about it. 

“Hello mister, i guess we will grab more drinks at the bar, goodbye bye byeee” Betty said, taking her two girls with her leaving you alone with franco. You laughed and resigned. Nik gave franco a warning sign ‘im watching you’ making franco laugh too. And they disappeared through the people dancing and talking. 

He kissed your cheek letting you go a bit so you could turn around to face him. “Hey handsome, where have you been? Are you having fun?” you said surrounding his neck with your arms and he did the same around your waist. He nodded in a smile. 

“Now that I'm back with you, I'm really having fun,” he said cheeky.

“Oh shut up” you said rolling your eyes funny because of his flirty side. 

“Hey, I'm telling the truth. I was with my school friends though ,they came from home” he told you and made you smile while stroking the curls on his head gently. Your fingers in his hair sent shivers down his spine. He couldn’t stop looking at your lips and you noticed. But you liked it so you let him. 

“I’m happy you’re enjoying your night fran. You deserve all of this love, world champion” you said sweetly looking at his eyes so shiny and deep green right now. Your words made him melt. 

And there were you, the girl who can win over the man known for being the most professional at flirting. You always win with him. He is so down bad for you he felt stupid. You were so beautiful in his eyes. So amazing. He hated Charles so much. He even celebrated when he retired. They couldn't even pretend to like each other and actually it was one of the most famous feuds between drivers in the history of the sport. Franco just couldn’t comment anything positive about charles. Even if he tried he just couldn’t. The most infamous moment was when Charles won his first championship and he was asked about it. He said he didn’t want to comment about it because he had nothing to comment about. So franco started to be known as the guy who was nice to everyone except for charles leclerc. And it was hilarious to see because no one knew why. And the why was always you. 

Franco wanted to have you and couldn’t. Charles had left you alone and destroyed another woman. How could he? Franco took that as an insult. You were an amazing woman. The most amazing woman he has ever met and that asshole did that to you. He just couldn’t stand him. Breathing the same air as Charles was unbearable for him. 

All of these thoughts rambling around and neither of you didn’t realize you were kissing already. Your lips melting into each other in the sweetest and softest kiss you have ever had. Even better than any kiss Charles could have given you before. You hated yourself for comparing every guy in your life with Charles, but you couldn’t help it. But this felt different. It was sweet but at the same time it felt so wrong. 

But you couldn’t stop. 

And you didn’t want to.

⋆˚࿔ TO BE CONTINUED 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

chapter fiver: here.

author's note: things are getting complicated around here!!!

tag list: : @a-beaverhausen , @priniya , @annaluna12 , @thehoplessromanticclub , @emryb , @hadids-world , @kaztheemyth , @freyathehuntress , @diorbrxtz , @theseerbetweenus , @sie17136 , @leila-030304 , @charlesgirl16 , @ricciardosheart , @weekendlusting

[fathomlessgaze]

artistry: you paint colors all over zayne's skin before he has to leave

very suggestive mdni + maybe some fluff+angst, zayne/reader, ~1.2k

warnings: 18+ only, making out, lots of hickeys/marking/bruises, they're both possessive tbh, an innuendo, implied to take place before medical rescue with allusions to things discussed in it but no spoilers for what happens in the card itself, allusions to foreseer lore, use of yn, pet names (my love, darling)

an: zayne in turtlenecks...the dawns shadow card......yeah...

pulling back, you take a look at your handiwork, the colors and splotches scattered over zayne’s neck. with his face tinged an uncharacteristic red and his collarbones no longer an empty canvas of pale skin, you think he’s nothing like the rumors that fly around the hospital. it doesn’t take much at all to reduce him to putty at your fingertips, so long as that person is, well, you.

you lace a hand through his hair, only further tousling the ruffled strands and causing a little groan to fall from his lips. on instinct, his hands fly to your hips, lowering your frame that straddles him to his lap. “yn,” he breathes, “please, hold on.”

he pants as he raises his lowered gaze to meet your eyes, his hazel orbs boring into your own with a sternness that makes you bite down on your lip. “just because i’m not in the hospital this week doesn’t mean i won’t be going outside at all,” he sighs.

pouting, you bring your palm to his jaw, brushing over his cheek. “i’m just…i’m gonna miss you.”

“we will see each other in a few days, won’t we, my love?” 

you drape your wrists on his shoulders and lay your head down in the crook of his neck with a quiet sigh. “i don’t like waiting…” 

there’s a quirk to his lips at your words and he turns his head to plant a kiss on the crown of yours. “it’s just a couple days, and i’m sure you have a lot of preparations to do at work in the meantime.” 

while you know you’re being petulant, you can’t help it. you think zayne and his presence have bled themselves into every part of your life and being. you can’t remember what you did before him, and knowing the frequent power outages near the mountain and both of your busy upcoming schedules, you probably won’t be able to talk much. what are you supposed to do without him? what are you supposed to do when one day feels like a year? when a week brings an air of deja vu that makes a pit form in your stomach, as if you’ve been torn apart without him beside you before?

“i guess,” you mumble, sniffling.

“don’t cry, yn,” he exhales. he brings a hand from your hip to your face, thumbing away the small droplet that falls from the corner of your eye. 

“what if something happens to you?” your murmur.  

“nothing will happen,” he whispers. “i will be okay; i have done these rescue missions many times before.”

you let out a small whimper as you kiss the corner of his mouth, letting your own linger, your breaths practically becoming his. “promise me you’ll take care of yourself.”

even though he tries his best to downplay the way your care and concern reach his heart, you know him better than that, the faintest blush of pink building on his hot cheeks. he attempts once more at a serious expression as you discuss safety, a topic he wishes you would yield more to, but alas… pondering his options, a small smirk sneaks past his attempt to put on a nonchalant facade at your words. “i will promise that…but only if you promise me the same thing first.” 

“fine.” you pout, a much quicker agreement than he was expecting. “i promise.” 

you lean in close, your small exhale lingering between the two of you before your mouths meet once more and you gently nibble on his lower lip. a small moan escapes him, vibrating through your kiss and to your own body, but even he can’t make you forget your purpose. not this time, at least.

steeling yourself, you put on a stern glare as you pull away and ignore the pang from your separation that blooms in your gut. “your turn.”

he stares with a quiet intensity as you pull away, trying to feign impassivity despite his round pupils that watch your movement carefully, giving away everything you may want to know. taking your fingers in his own, he brings them to his lips, locking eyes with you all the way. “very well then. i promise.” 

knowing him, you can predict how his business trip will begin without you there and you shoot him a pointed look. “and the first thing we’re doing when i get there is having a meal together.”

his hand reaches for your jaw and cheekbones once more, cupping your face tenderly in his large palm. “alright then.” 

when you finally are satisfied with his response, resting your head back on his shoulder, you pucker your lips to his skin once again, pressing lazy kisses along his jaw. his muscles stiffen beneath you as you continue adding new colors and marks to his skin, his head falling forward to rest on your shoulder as he caves in.

“yn,” he warns lowly, the last bits of rationality trying to claw back at what’s taken over the rest of his thoughts. “at this rate everyone will know what we’ve been up to when i get to the base.”

“good,” you hum, the vibrations echoing along his skin. “i don’t know who’ll be there.”

maybe this was always a losing battle.

“so maybe that’s what i want.”

this was definitely always a losing battle, he decides. zayne would like to think he’s very diligent in whatever he decides to put his mind to, but if there’s anything he just can’t do, at least not without extreme difficulty, it’s saying no to you, especially when you give him your signature cute little look or use some of your other equally persuasive methods. 

your eyes flicker to his before you resume your work, painting warm splotches along his neck and collarbone. “maybe everyone should know you’re mine. just in case.”  

he moans at your words, tightening his grip around your waist, but he admittedly tilts his head, giving you more room to continue your efforts. 

a beat passes before you pull away to admire the latest artwork you’ve added to the collection of marks you’ve made tonight. “you look really good in that turtleneck anyway,” you whisper, pressing one last gentle kiss to soothe the spot before moving to the next inch of his skin to tease. 

something in your words jumpstarts what’s been hiding, lying low, in the back of his mind. his gaze hardens at your words, his hands finding and squeezing your hips to still you so he can flip you both and is hovering over you. “oh, darling, you better believe i won’t be the only one who will have to cover up marks and bruises.”

sure, he’ll have to get up earlier and do a lot to hide all the work you’ve done on his collarbones for the next few days at minimum…at least until you arrive and can help him conceal all of your “art” on his skin. but there’s no way he’s going down without a fight. and when he plants his lips under your jaw, hovering dangerously close to your pulse point that thuds along to the unsteady rhythm in your ears, you know it’s over for you. it’s gonna be a long night. not that you mind exactly…

[kifflepiffles]

Festival Skipper

Sam x AFAB (neutral terms) reader

Because I'm a new Sam simp and realised you guys are STARVING

Word count: 5.7k

Content: Praise, softdom Sam, smutty hurt/comfort, and tbh a lot of goofing around because I doubt Sam would be super serious AKJSHD Also because I just never really liked dirty talking that much

I'll edit this post more and post this to A03 later... I'm going to eep, it's past my bedtime

Update: its up on A03! And if you wanted more immersion, heres the playlist I listened to while writing this AKAHSH

Shoutout to @loverboykirstein for letting me use your banner -7-;;

---------------

Winters in the valley were always calm and slow. Quiet and beautiful, the villagers embraced the icy scenes while waiting for their home to come back to life. 

Calm, slow, quiet, and beautiful were all things that [y/n] had gotten used to over the past year of living on their grandfather’s old farm. A calm environment, a slower life, and quiet, beautiful surroundings had dissolved all of the ailments they lived with on a daily basis in Pine-Messa city. The hopelessness, the burn-out, the anxiety and insatiable exhaustion had been left in their Joja cubicle. 

But winter was different. This was an all-consuming, eerie kind of quiet. you had only started getting fully used to the brand new silence and slow living in the fall. You were far from ready to be plunged head-first into the abyss that is Pelican Town’s winters. There was genuinely nothing to do, and you couldn’t stand it. The Adventurer’s Guild has been your saving grace. It was something to keep you busy. But lately, you have been a bit too busy for comfort.

The usually cheery and social farmer had seemingly gone missing for a few days. The guild has given you a quest that they thought you were ready for, but you proved to be in over your head, even if you wouldn’t admit it. 150 slimes needed to be slain by the end of the week. Today was the last day, and you had only dealt with 90. Marlon was annoyed, and had given you a stern talk about the guild policy.

 “These slimes are breeding like rabbits!” He would hiss, “If they head upwards, guess what? The town is fucked, [y/n]. fucked!” His voice grit in the farmer’s skull like sandpaper. Your teeth grinded with rage over Marlon’s thoughtless blame. 

For the first time in days, you had plopped down on your living room couch and unlocked your phone. What seemed like hundreds of notifications flooded in. Missed texts from Abby, from Sam, even from Sebastian. Arching a brow, you scrolled down on the notification block to read more

Rock Eater

[Image]

[image]

[image]

3

Johnnie Gilbert’s lookalike

Where are you?

 I thought you would like the ice festival :(

Dog Boy

[Y/N]!!!

WHERE ARE YOU?? >_<

YOU NEED TO KICK WILLY’S ASS AT FISHING

PLEASE I MADE A BET WITH SEB I CAN’T LOSE

+17

“Fuck,” you whispered to yourself. You had been so caught up in the slime bounty that you completely forgot one of the festivals. It sounded like a fun one, too. It was a tradition older than Pelican Town itself. The festival started as a ritual to ward off winter depression, but it was given the Christmas treatment and now centered around ice carving, fishing and shopping. Abigail even sent a picture of the Gotoran cart merchant’s pig in a little jacket.

With a heavy sigh, you tossed your phone to the other side of the couch and rubbed your face. you’d answer them later. Right now, the last thing you wanted was to explain why you were gone. So why not pretend to be gone for a few more hours? It’s already been days. 

Slumping down against the plush of the couch, [y/n] turned on the new TV you had just bought from Robin, a smart TV in limited stock. You knew you had to grab one while you could; Tech products like that were a bit of a rarity in the valley. They were hard to get unless you wanted to travel to the cities, or pay a ridiculous shipping fee. 

Curling up against the armrest with a blanket, your brain went on autopilot as a streaming service booted so you could watch a comfort show. With your head resting on the armrest like it was a pillow, you found your arms clutching over your torso. Usually a plushy would sit there, but you couldn’t be bothered to get up. You didn’t even notice your blinks slowly becoming longer, filled with tranquility, until…

knockknockknockknockknock

The heavy, yet gentle knocking had made you jump out of your skin. Your eyes darted around as your body tried to come back to life. Hesitantly, you let your legs leave the blanket.

Knockknockknockknock

“Just a sec-!” you called out whilst scurrying to your feet. Oh Yoba, please don’t be Lewis asking for bills or Pam asking for more homemade alcohol. 

You quickly tried to fix your clothes and hair as they walked over to the door. You needed to look somewhat presentable if you wanted to avoid excusing your disappearance. Upon opening the door, A heavy load flew off your shoulders; It was just Sam

“Oh thank fuck,” you huffed. your heart rate slowed and you let your head rest on his shoulder. 

Your friendship was odd. You two were close. Really close. Not to say you weren’t also close to Sebastian and Abby, but this was… different. You were touchy. Everyone but you two acknowledged the tension and hesitance. 

“Hey,” Sam whispered, lazily wrapping a heavy arm around you. . His skin was cold, chilled to the bone from the frigid night. “I left the festival early to check on you. I… haven’t heard from you in days, I was getting worried,”

“Sorry,” you whined, “It's been… rough,” you sighed. A breeze flew by, causing both of you to shudder. “Here, come in, maybe I’ll start something in the kettle,” you invited, Which Sam quickly obliged. 

“Really? That’d be awesome, thank you so much [y/n]! You got any more of that mint hot chocolate? It was sick!” He suggested, closing the door behind him with his foot

“I can do that,” you hummed, grabbing your kettle off the stove and filling it in the sink

A shiver ran through Sam’s bones as removed his snow boots, leaving them at the door and made his way to the couch while you were occupied with the drinks. While sitting down, he rubbed his hands together and sighed into them in a sad attempt to warm them, 

“Um… Where have you been again?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at you as you returned and sat next to him. You paused and took a breath. Did you really want to open these flood gates?

“Marlon,” you finally grumbled, “Adventurer’s guild stuff. Slimes are breeding like crazy, which is odd because they usually don’t start until Spring. They’re starting to infest entire floors and rise closer to the surface. We’ll keep it under control but… Spring might be rough. I might need to cut back on my crop load” you vented. The release made you release tension in your face that you didn’t know you had., Sam’s smile contorted into a look of worry.

“Holy shit, dude. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” you insisted as you rubbed your face with open hands, as if attempting to scrub off the stress and sleep deprivation “Just,, hnnnggff,” You leaned forward, placing Your elbows on your own knees. “Marlon’s been on my ass, dude. Bad,”

“That’s not fair, he was at the festival earlier,”

“He was?” you snapped up with wide eyes

“Yeah! he cheered Willy on for the fishing competition,”

Suddenly, you felt your blood run hot, “That motherfucker,” you hissed. As if timed for this exact moment, the kettle began to whistle, and Sam had tried his best to keep his giggling quiet

In a swift motion, you stood from the couch and made your way over to the kitchen, “I’ll put arsenic in your drink,” you threatened as you opened the cupboard and grabbed two mugs along with the box of powdered drink mix. As grumpy as you were, his laughter was contagious. You needed to bite the inside of your cheek and clench your jaw to avoid giggling with him

“Aww, come ooon. You know you love me,” Sam teased. you rolled your eyes, ignoring the fact he was kind of right

“Please,” you giggled. After a few noises from the kitchen, you returned with two steaming mugs in hand and placed them on the coffee table. you plopped down beside your best friend, a heavy, slow sigh leaving your lips, “That mother fucker… was he seriously there?”

Sam tilted his head and hummed a curt “Hm?” 

“Marlon,” you whined. You shifted in your spot, then leaned your head on his shoulder. Sam’s eyes darted down at you. He had to admit, he felt a bit of pity for you. How could he not?. With a slow breath, he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and nodded

“Yeah. He was. … Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, just… ugh, forget it,”you grumbled. You snuggled into your friend’s body, wanting to hide from the rest of the world with him. His jacket had just been washed, but the smell of weed still lingered under the faint scent of detergent. Domesticity was something that you had to admit you craved. It’s been a long time since you loved someone, and out of everyone in the small town, Sam may be your best candidate. You tilted your head up once you decided to stop hiding. Your gaze met his own for just a second before he anxiously looked away. A smirk tugged at your lips. You had to admit, his coyness was cute.

“I really missed you, y’know,” you commented. You kept your head down, but looked up through your eyelashes, a calculated puppy-eye to test the waters. Sam looked back down to you. A small smile joined the pink blush on his face

“Really? I mean, I uh, I really missed you, too,  [y/n]. I… I really did,” He stammered out with an embarrassed grin. Yoba, he was adorable. you snuggled closer, letting your hand rest on his thigh

“I like,, really missed you, Sammy

Sam’s eyes slowly widened as he started to realize what you were implying, “... Did you?” He whispered back, turning his body to face yours more, “...It really was quiet around here without you,”

Then there was silence. His wide, sweet blue eyes met yours, but you were focused on his lips. A precious mauve pink, complemented by the silver hoop filling his single lip piercing. The flesh looked smooth and soft, you couldn’t help but wonder if he had done that on purpose, in hopes you would kiss him one day. A slow blink adjusted your gaze to meet Sam’s eyes.

As if someone had told both of you that now was the moment, both of you leaned in. When your lips met, Sam’s hand moved to cup your cheek, just to feel a bit closer to you as his lips tingled from the contact.

Despite it being brief, the two of them had pulled away from the kiss with beaming grins and flushed faces. 

“... wow,” Sam whispered through shy giggles. How could you not share his laughter? He was so cute. If he had a tail, your drinks would be all over the floor and the mugs would be broken. His pretty eyes seemed to glisten in the light from the television and crackling fireplace, it being the only light in the whole cabin.

With a bright red face, Sam fidgeted with his hands, unsure of what to do next, let alone what he was allowed to do. He was terrified to overstep a boundary and ruin this moment, the kind he would dream of at night and wake up from in a wet spot. 

“Here Sammy, come here,” you whispered, placing your hands on top of his to guide him. his hands landed on your collarbone. You led him downwards, and directed his hands to cup your breasts. His eyes widened and his lips parted, making you giggle in a whisper

“Sam… are you… inexperienced?” you asked, trying to phrase it lightly. Sam swallowed, but seemed mesmerized by the warm, clothed flesh in his hands. He shook his head,

“Not exactly… just… It’s been a while. A long while, And I really like you,” he whispered. His eyes didn’t even twitch off of your body as his hands began to grope. Before you could question him, his eyes finally darted to your face. “Uh,, can I… is it okay if I keep touching you? I.. I want to explore a little bit," he asked. The sentence making its way past his lips was enough to feel himself swell into his jeans, the fit quickly becoming snug on him. With a smug grin, you nodded.

Sam leaned down, pushing you down into the couch. His irises seemed to tremble along with his hands as he took in the view beneath him. He couldn’t help but admire his beloved friend. You were prettier to him than anything his imagination could ever build. His fingertips snuck under your shirt, just to explore the body beneath it. A shiver ran up your spine from the contact, feeling the sensation get stronger and sweeter as his calloused pads ran upwards, then back down and towards the front, running down your ribcage and pausing at the belly button.

 Even though the sight and sensation was blissful, you continued to worry. You continued to worry about the trouble you may be in with the guild. Then you remembered the fun Marlon must’ve had at the festival you unwillingly missed… the fun he stole from you.

A stuttering hum crept up from your throat as Sam’s hands trailed down to your hips. Feeling his thumbs gently trace your hip bones, you gazed down at him 

“Sam?” 

Sam’s hand’s paused and his eyes flickered back up to meet yours.

 “Yeah?” He asked. 

There was silence again. Well, now you had to admit, you were a little embarrassed. But you already had his attention. Your stomach churned and you looked over at the wall to break eye contact.

“... Was he having fun?”

“... huh?”

“Nevermind, nevermind,” you stammered out. Sam sat up a bit,

“[y/n], if you don’t want to this this, I totally–”

“No!” you nearly shouted, making Sam jump, “Sorry,, I… I really want you. Please. Let's keep going,”

“Okay… okay,” Sam mumbled with a nod. 

He lowered his body again, letting his chest land on yours. He planted a kiss on your cheek, then another. He was so sweet…

He let his peppered kisses travel down, to your jaw, then to the side of your neck. His gentle, warm hand landed on your cheek again, and you let yours trail upward on his temple, your fingers tangling his hair

“I just…” You sighed out, staring at the ceiling. Sam stopped what he was doing and lifted his head again. You could’ve sworn a whine left his lips. He stared at you, like a dog waiting for a treat.

“I can’t believe he would do that and not tell me, he stressed me the fuck out all damn week-”

“[Y/N], are you sure you don’t want to pause and talk about this? Because I’m totally cool-”

“No, no, I’m sorry, please keep kissing me,”

Sam hesitated for a moment, but just shook his head and sighed, admitting defeat (and slight disbelief) with a raise of his eyebrows. His shy hands wandered back under the hem of your shirt, and his soft lips landed back on your neck, trailing towards your shoulder. His hands wandered up, his touch lingering on your rib cage until his hands landed on your bare breasts. A perverted smile tugged at his lips as he massaged at them and let his palms flatten against your nipples. A hum rose from our throat, you had to admit it felt good. Especially since it was him. Your hand ran through his hair, yet you continued to stare at the ceiling. You wanted to be immersed so badly, to surrender, but for some reason, you couldn’t make the leap…

“Y’know, I don't think I’d even be so bothered if h—”

“Alright,” Sam interrupted. In a fit of becoming a bit annoyed, he clasped his hand over your mouth and leaned over you. Your eyes grew wide and you quickly shut up. His head leaned down next to yours, his warm breath petting your earlobe, 

“Here’s what we’re gonna do.” 

He adjusted himself so that his weight was supported by his elbows and he raised his other hand: a clenched fist with his pinky finger up.

“Pinky promise me this is what you want. No feeling bad, no “sure why not”. You want this. You want me, truly,”

You were a bit stunned. This was almost uncharacteristic of him. But you had to admit, you kind of liked it. Though without hesitation, you lifted your hand and interlocked your finger with his.

“Okay, good,” He removed his hand from your mouth, using it instead to brush his knuckles against your cheek, “I’m gonna try something, okay? Nod if that’s okay,”

Your cheeks heated up, and you quickly nodded.

“Okay, perfect, awesome,” Sam mumbled to himself. His hand began to trace down your waist again, slowly. “I need you to stop talking for me, okay?” He whispered in your ear before kissing your temple. His finger trailed your hip bone, threatening to dip under your waistband. “I need you to clear your mind, as best you can. I need you to release that tension in your jaw,” 

Slowly, his finger dipped under your waistband, simply caressing the skin underneath,

“And I need you to surrender yourself, and let me make you feel good. Can you do that for me?”

His voice was soothing and loving, gentle and coy. But his words, they were so, so hot. His breath was hot, running down your neck. it made your crotch begin to throb. It made your breathing quicken with anticipation.

“Mhm…” You hummed with a nod, your voice faltering under the situation.

“Good, good,” 

His hand crawled even lower, until it met your lower lips. Despite being excited, he kept it slow. Carefully, he slipped one finger into your lips, then a second one, and spread them apart. 

“You’re… wow… you’re really wet,” He whispered, mostly to himself with wide blue eyes. His fingers explored the new territory a bit, grazing on the labia until his fingertip found itself on your clit. 

Your body spasmed, and a slightly startled gasp left your lips. His teasing drove you mad.

“I know, honey, I know. It’s okay,," He whispered, tilting his head downwards until his breath caressed the shell of your ear. "That’s an outside problem. It’s just you and me in here, baby, Okay?" His whispers echoed within your foggy head, and he began to press loving kisses onto your cheek again. 

He rubbed the thick, calloused pad of his finger over your clit, rubbing back and forth at a painfully slow pace, “Just like that. Good. ... You’re doing so good, sweetpea,” It left his soft lips in a delicate whisper, as if it was a secret for you and you alone.

 You reeled your head towards his. A helpless whine passed your lips and your back arched, revealing just how pent up you let yourself become over these past few weeks. It was a manifestation of how many times you pushed down your feelings for your beloved skater boy. 

He kept it going for a little, letting your body warm up while lewd whimpers and hums echoed into his ear. Such a sweet noise for him, one that made him rock his hips into the couch cushions with a groan 

“You’re so cute, you know that? Especially like this,’ He teased, 

The graceful movements of his hand slowed, leaving you to pout. Though your attitude switched up quickly once you realized he stopped so he could take his shirt off. You sat up, a new wave of excitement rushing over you.

“Lets go to my room,” You suggested in a hushed voice, as if anyone else was around to hear you aside from your pet. Sam dropped his shirt to the floor and smiled, the chain around his neck with his father’s old dog tag jingling as he moved

“Sounds good,” He agreed, “wait, we should try that thing they do in movies, y’know, where they’re trying to kiss and remove their clothes at the same time while going to the bedroom. It’ looks kind of fun”

Ah,There was the idiot Sam you knew and loved.

You couldn’t help but laugh and nod, “Okay, let's try it,”

Sam had become a bit shy again, “Wait, time out,” He muttered before he unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, letting the bulge in his navy blue cotton underwear a bit more free, “Sorry, it got tight, It kind of hurt, time in,”

You snorted and covered your mouth with your hand, giving into your fit of giggling,

“What? It did!” Sam tried to defend, before the giggling overcame him too, “I’m sorry dude, I’m just, absolutely packing, y'know? I can’t keep my foot-long contained in these skinny jeans, he’s gotta breathe,” He joked between gasps and laughter, making the both of you erupt

“Okay, okay,” you said in an attempt to calm the situation, “Okay, come here and kiss me pretty boy,” You flirted, making a ‘come closer’ motion with your hand. He obliged and pressed his body to yours, taking your jaw in his hands and letting your lips collide. 

Both of your lips parted, deepening your kiss and allowing the tips of your tongues to meet each other. His hands wandered to the hem of your shirt again, this time pulling it up,

“C’mon, let's try to move a bit,” Sam suggested, shifting backwards while you shifted forward,

“Left Left, right left,, I don’t know my right from left,” Sam softly sung while pulling your shirt over your head, making you giggle more,

“What was that?” You asked,

“A military marching cadence my dad taught me when I was a kid. I just remembered it because this is… a lot harder than they make it look in the movies,” he rambled, the two of you giggled together again. With a grin, sam dropped your shirt to the floor and pecked you on the lips, 

“Maybe I’ll teach you the whole chant later,” He placed his hands on your bare waist, and turned so he could gently push you against your living room wall, “I’m a little busy right now,” 

“It’s a date,” You agreed with a rasp in your voice. You tilted your head to the side, letting Sam begin to nibble at your neck, this time with more intention than his gentle kisses. One hand found its way back to your face, the other found its way back to your breasts to continue his soft squeezing and massaging. He let his teeth sink into your skin, over your collarbone and shoulder. He kissed the bite marks he left, and carefully sucked some, leaving bruises, hickies, and your whimpers in his wake. 

“Sam…” You whined, “Mm,, You’re driving me crazy,,”

“Yeah?” He hummed, leaving one final kiss on your neck, “Come on,” He took your hand in his. His pretty eyes flicked at yours, and he placed a kiss on the back of your hand with a grin before pulling you back towards your room.

Your body collapsed into your mattress as Sam kneeled on the floor beside your bed frame. He began to work his way down, placing kisses between your breasts and down your abdomen. His hands took a firm grip of your hips. With a bit of a haste, he pulled down your pants and took a moment to admire you, your almost naked body with nothing but underwear. A big smile cracked his face

You looked down at him, feeling a little nervous,

“Is everything alright…?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” He assured, his eyes seeming to glow, “I’m just… You’re so pretty,” he whispered. He gazed up at you, his eyes meeting yours as he attempted something new; He grabbed the hem of your underwear in his teeth, and slowly dragged it down your legs.

Yoba… you could feel your hole start throbbing.

‘Heh,, learned that one from a comic Seb showed me,” he admitted a bit bashfully. You put your hand over your mouth to hide your smile and turned your head. Of course he would say that.

He took a second to admire you yet again, but the sight in front of him teased him beyond just gazing,,

He dragged his fingertips up your labia again, stopping once he reached your clit and flicking his eyes up so he can watch you squirm

“Where did we leave off?” He teased, “Something like this… right?” 

He continued his back and forth motion, regaining his confidence as he watched your face contort and heard your restrained moans. He let his pace quicken, and let his other hand begin to tease your hole with another fingertip. 

“Sammy…” You whimpered. Your walls throbbed and clenched around nothing, waiting very impatiently for him to make his move.

“Patience, honey… patience,” He cooed, letting his finger run a small circle over the rim before sinking in. You let out a groan and tilted your head back. Once pushing in to the second knuckle, he began to pull out, push in and pull out, then added a second finger. He leaned his body closer, keeping the pumps of his hand slow and methodical. You gripped at the blanket beneath you and let a small moan pass your lips. He was doing it on purpose

“Sammy… come on…” You whimpered, rocking your hips against his hand. He obliged, allowing his fingers to sink deeper and faster, an upward curl joining the routine as he leaned even closer. He moved his other hand away from your clit, and instead replaced it with his tongue. Soft, shy flicks of the tip of his tongue joined the rhythm of his hand. His masterpiece, and the finishing touch to his symphony was the moaning and mewling that left your chest. 

“Fuck-!” you cried out. Your knees began to tremble around his body, your nails scratched into your forearms and your hips rocked. In a fit of needing something to hold onto, your hands quickly switched to holding his shoulders.

Sam picked up his pace again, the tips of his fingers rubbing your walls and his head bobbing a bit for more movement. The velvety feeling grew stronger and stronger. You dug your nails into his skin, making him groan into your crotch, his voice reverberating into your core. 

“Ugh,, Sam! I’m so… I’m…!” You tried to whine, but the sweet sensation he provided made it hard to speak.

“I know, I know,” He hummed, “Give in, it’s okay,”

You threw your head back, a howl escaping your chest while your thighs vibrated. Your hole spasmed around his fingers as liquid arousal dripped around them, and your clit twitched in his mouth. 

“Fuck! Sammy-!” you whined, followed by one more long groan. He slowed down, helping you ride out the high of your first orgasm in weeks. 

Your body went limp and he leaned back. He extracted his fingers, and noticed how hot his face was. His skin was bright red, his eyes were puffy. And he was ecstatic. 

He crawled up into your bed with you, immediately kissing your face like a puppy,

“That was perfect. Beautiful,” He praised, “You did so good, so good,” He laid on his side, gazing at you while you continued to come down and catch your breath. You turned your head to face him, and a smile tugged at your lips. 

“...Round two?” you asked. Sam’s attention piqued. 

“Really? I figured I would give you an extra minute,” He commented. Not that he was complaining though. He stood up, and his knees cracked from kneeling on the hardwood floor

“Ow, holy shit!” He yelped, more so in shock than in pain. Even after having one of the roughest orgasms of your life, he made you giggle.

“You okay, honey?” you asked through deep breaths and giggles,

“Yeah, holy shit,”

He pulled down the waistband of his undone, sagging jeans. Seeing that your eyes were still on him, he decided to raise his hands beside his head and wiggle his hips in a hula hoop motion, earning a laugh from the both of you. You turned onto your side, watching as he kicked off his jeans and pinched the waistband of his briefs.

He pulled them down, and your eyes nearly popped out of your skull. It wasn’t the foot-long he pretended to have, but at first glance he could’ve maybe had you convinced. What bounced out proved Abby’s speculation of him being well hung. He was thick, and blushed dark red with arousal. 

You crawled back towards your pillows, and he joined you on your bed. 

He leaned over you again, the dog tag around his neck hanging down and laying against the skin of your chest. 

Your legs opened around his hips, and you bit your lip with anticipation. The tip of his penis rubbed on your wet slit, making him puff up his cheeks a bit. He was already so worked up, but didn’t want this to end so fast. He flicked his eyes to yours, and stabled himself on his elbows so his hands could touch your face.

“Don’t worry. I promise I’ll be gentle,” He whispered, “You ready?”

You nodded, and he adjusted his body so he could line up with you and grab your shoulders. He paused for a second, then began to slowly push in. 

both of you gasped. There was a slight, sweet sting with the stretch as he tried his best to keep moving so he could keep the friction going. As you encapsulated him, a groan left his throat. 

“Shit,” He whined, “You’re fucking great, [Y/N]” he mustered out, giving you a rush as he began to pull out, then push back in and begin a steady pace, or at least attempt to. It took everything for him to not fuck the shit out of you, but he knew he could never. You were too precious to him, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt you. 

Your arms hooked under his and you let out a groan. You felt him rocking through your whole body, filling the room with a squelching noise, heavy breathing and the quiet creaks of your bed,

“More?” He asked with a bit of a strain, almost as if he was begging, 

“Please,” You huffed. He picked up his pace, allowing himself to go deeper. In and out, in and out, his tip began to rub against the rough spot inside you, shooting electric pulses through your body. 

“Hnn-! Sam!” you yelped, making his body heat up. “Good,, So good!” You let out, a sad attempt to mimic his praises and sweet nothings that got you so riled up in the first place.

 With a guttural groan, he adjusted himself, attempting to get a better angle and speeding up again. The creaking of your bed gradually turned into a rocking. The heavy breathing gradually turned into a song of pleasure and bliss. The squelching turned into an arrangement of continuous wet friction. 

Your back arched as his tip began to kiss your cervix and massage your favorite spot. Your head reeled back against your pillow as Sam’s tilted down, watching you squirm and writhe worked him up more and more. 

“[Y/N]... I’m… getting really close, [Y/N]” he whimpered, 

“I am too, Sammy,” You mewled. You reached down through what little space there was between the two of you and began to rub on your own clit. It only took a few rubs for your body to spasm and for you to yowl.

You began to see stars as your hole throbbed and convulsed around Sam, turning his thrusts sloppy and rough. It pushed him to the edge as well.

 He whined and moaned out, grabbing tightly onto your upper arms so he could rock himself through his orgasm. Ropes and pearls of hot semen shot out from him into you. 

He slowed down into a stop, this time leaving both of you panting. With a tired groan, he pulled out and let his body ragdoll beside yours. 

“Are you okay, sweetpea?” he asked through heavy breaths. You turned over to face him and nodded,

“Yeah, I’m okay, I’m alright,” you assured, leaning into his touch while he pushed strands of hair out of your face. 

The two of you gazed at each other, taking the other’s fucked-out looks; face red, hair a wreck, eyes glimmering. 

“You did so good, honey,” You hummed, attempting once again to mimic his praises. You planted kisses over his face, making him grin and chuckle with what little energy he had left,

“Come here,” he mumbled, pulling you into his arms so he could snuggle his head into your shoulder. 

“...What are you going to tell your mom?” you asked, using your knuckles to pet his hair,

“I’m sure she’ll understand. She knew I was leaving early to see you. … I’ll probably sleep over though, I really don’t want to deal with that right now. Ugh, I’m so lucky she and my dad like you.”

A smile spread on your face as you allowed yourself to reciprocate his snuggling. Though Sam spoke up again,

“... What are you gonna do about Marlon?”

[rentenwins]

prince’s paintings (crownprince!ricky x reader)

synopsis: crown prince ricky loves art, when he’s not creating art, he loves to observe. when a painting of his takes a detour from its place on the wall, he’s determined to find it.

content: royal!au themes, slice of life, raura (ricky royal aura), sweet lovelicky, gunwook mention, zb1 members as members of the royal court, lowercase intended, gn reader

a/n: long time no write! i wrote this a while ago (around the same time as the prince gyuvin au). i just got back from zb1’s concert, the pcd is HITTING VERY HARD. seeing ricky irl was a life-changing experience tbh. enjoy this!!

wc: 1624

‘oh that’s weird.’ ricky thinks to himself, there’s an odd rectangular blank on the wall where an oil painting of the palace’s garden usually hung. he’s seen other paintings go missing for two or three weeks at most growing up, yet as he grew older, he noticed things more reverently and time became obscure. so really it’s only been a few days since it’s been missing, but ricky had to admit it’s one of his favourite pieces. he missed seeing it whenever he crossed the halls.

however, ricky knew that the paintings were too exquisite to leave the palace, so it was often restored in a room at the end of the palace’s east wing. he makes his way down after breakfast, after being informed his friends, other young men who were noble to the royal family, had wanted to meet the crown prince for lunch. he is dressed in his usual white button-up, black slacks and black dress shoes, forgoing his waistcoat last minute. if he were to wander the halls, he had to look presentable to guests who he would least expect to wander on a random thursday morning.

he passes a few housekeepers, who curtsy as he walks past and he nods with a smile. his sharp and cold features made him develop a habit to smile unconsciously. ricky reaches the last room, knocks on the door and slowly opens it with a creak. he sees a familiar frame laid flat on a large collapsible table with someone’s hair poking out from behind it. you stand and almost flinch seeing the crown prince by the doorway.

“good morning, y-your highness.”

‘smooth’ you cursed internally, but the prince didn’t seem to notice.

“good morning to you too,” ricky steps beside the frame, closer to you. “i don’t think we’ve met before.” he sees a fine brush in your hand, then he looks at the painting. the painting was brighter than he had remembered it being. the mustardy-yellow of the tulips on the foreground were vibrant now, though only half of it seemed to be completed.

“my name is y/n. it’s an honour to meet you, your highness. i’ve been requested to restore this painting by one of the other noble families. i’m sorry for the mess. restoration isn’t exactly one of the cleanest jobs…”

ricky smiles, though you’re not sure if it’s towards the painting or towards your flustered expression.

“i trust you to take care of it, y/n. it’s one of my favourite paintings. i couldn’t help but notice it’s been missing for a few days. i just thought i’d come and see for myself. though i see there’s nothing much for me to worry about at all.”

you blush. you didn’t expect your first interaction with the prince to be one of flattery. your younger brother, gunwook, was right. he really did have an unbeatable aura. you murmur a thank you and he stalks towards the open windows after he nods again. the windows were open to allow circulation in the room, yet he oddly found comfort in the smell of oil paints.

as you resumed the colouration of the tulips, ricky asks from the window, “how long have you been restoring paintings, y/n?”

“i’ve been learning since i was 13 and helping my father with his restoration projects, but i’ve only been doing it myself two years ago. i’ve always liked painting, and the palace has an amazing collection. it’s great to see them in person too.”

ricky smiles to himself. ‘she likes paintings too.’

“tell me what you’ve done so far y/n.” he sits on the lover’s seat by the window.

he encourages your tangent as he learns the intricacies of restoration. you learn that ricky was fond of painting but never had someone to share his hobby with. he told you about his friends, though the relation with gunwook never surfaced. the two of you talked as you continued to restore the painting, moving on from the yellow tulips to the grey stepstones, reaffirming their highlights.

“will you be here everyday?” he asks after a beat of silence. for the second time that morning, you meet his eyes. you knew he was watching intently as you worked on the painting, but only now you’ve seen the curiosity in his eyes. it was almost as if he was… begging?

“y-yes i will, your highness. from the mornings til around 3pm, if i don’t push myself too far that is.” you reply. ricky hums and nods and stands up from his chair. he starts to make his way towards you, and you stand as stiff as a board, unable to meet his gaze.

“well i’ll make sure you don’t. it’s nice meeting you y/n. and please, just call me ricky when it’s just you and i. seems a bit too formal for friends, don’t you think?” ricky almost smirks in your direction. you dumbly blink and make a grave mistake in looking at his face. he was undeniably handsome, gorgeous even. it felt like a crime to look at someone so handsome, yet it also felt criminal to not look aw—

“r-right! yes, your hi— i mean… ricky…” the name felt foreign on your lips, but it made the crown price visibly relax his shoulders, like he was nervous.

“all the best, y/n. look after yourself okay? take a break when you need. the painting doesn’t need to be up right away, now that i know where it is and who’s taking care of it.” he smiles as he walks to the door. you say your goodbyes, and the door shuts behind him.

the crown prince was always a mystery to you, yet now after knowing him, he seemed to be a much bigger one now.

——

as promised, ricky was sat for lunch at the patio in between the courtyard and the garden. he sat at the head of the table while the other noblemen sat on the edges, all paying attention to the food set in front of them.

the springtime was ricky’s favourite season. the garden was always extra tended to at this time of year, ricky was always told growing up that the flowers were always blooming for him. he believes it still whenever him and his friends dine within the palace’s gardens. it was no different today. to ricky’s right was zhanghao, his first cousin, followed by yujin, the chamberlain’s son. on ricky’s left was gyuvin, the chancery’s son and consequent apprentice, and next to him was jiwoong, the master of the hunt.

ricky stared off into the distance as his found family squabbled about everything and nothing. from where he sat at the table, he has a perfect view of the winding path of the palace garden, littered with yellow tulips and lovely pink roses dedicated to the queen herself. it was the exact angle that the painting he had seen being restored earlier that morning had been of. he remembered you and his giddiness resurfaces as he remembers your eye for detail. he loved his friends and his cousin at the table, though none of them ever had a love for art like he did.

hao stops his squabbling with yujin and notices ricky’s blank yet fond expression staring at the garden.

“you know for someone who lives in the heart of the palace, one would think you’d be sick of this view by now.” hao says before he takes a bite. gyuvin grunts in agreement while jiwoong looks pointedly at ricky.

ricky has an amused smile on his face, “can’t help it. my favourite painting is based on this garden after all. the springtime makes it look extra pretty.”

jiwoong hums, “i was walking near your quarters the other week, i think i know which one you mean.”

“mm, it’s not there at the moment. it’s being restored just before summer truly sets in,” ricky thinks fondly of his interaction with you earlier in the day. “it’ll be back soon, hopefully soon enough.”

yujin speaks after he finishes a mouthful of food. “i hope it’s back soon,” he starts, “don’t need another episode last winter when you thou—“

hao slaps his hand over yujin's mouth before the younger could finish his sentence, "and that we agreed to never speak of that again!" hao had stopped yujin before it gave ricky a reason to tackle the youngest right then and there. gyuvin fails to repress his laugh while jiwoong looks at ricky's sharp stare at the youngest at the table. he couldn't really tell if ricky would rather tackle yujin to the floor or use the knife on his left hand. either way, he knew ricky was annoyed.

jiwoong coughs to diffuse the situation. “hopefully the painting is back soon enough. i wouldn’t want to get used to a big blank on the wall when i walk down the corridor.”

ricky sighs and drinks from his glass, “i’m sure it’ll be back by next week at most.” though he isn’t sure how accurate that really is. in the past year, he’s often so caught up in his duties that missing paintings were back before he even remembered waiting for them.

gyuvin leans back in his seat as he took the last bite of his food, “mhm, you can only trust restoration so much, you can only hope it looks better than before.” ricky looks at him pointedly, confused at how gyuvin of all people could tell the difference between a restored and a non-restored painting.

through it all, ricky bows his head to hide a fond smile as he remembers your love of details just as he did. “this one’s in good hands, maybe it’ll look better than the garden itself.”

[sundrop-writes]

if Draco walked in on you changing...

Word Count: 1360

Harry Potter Masterlist

Warnings: I have no clue when this could fit onto the general Harry Potter timeline (and tbh I don't think it does); this features the 'arranged marriage' trope; the reader is a rich pureblood (but there is no indication that the reader looks down on muggleborns the way that the Malfoys do); there is no mention of which pureblood family the reader is from, so there is no indication of her race; the reader is mentioned to be afab/has breasts and wears dresses; mentions of house elves/use of house elf labor; Draco is very cocky and entitled in this; there is some dubious consent because Draco looks at the reader while she is undressed without her consent, but she doesn't fully care; Draco calls the reader 'darling' and 'love'; the reader's parents are discussing the arranged marriage with the Malfoys without her consent; passing mention of the reader and Draco having kids together; the reader is definitely attracted to Draco and denying it. I believe that's everything.

A/N: Can you tell that I'm obsessed with the arranged marriage trope when it comes to Draco?? Yes? No? (Well you're gonna be able to tell that even more if he wins the other poll - which he probably will, and that oneshot about him is the one that I post.) I just love the idea that because he's not the best person, the reader would be forced to be in proximity to him, and she would bring out his more likeable side over time. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this! Eventually, I want to do this trope/reaction with all the characters that I mainly write for. (And maybe more, like Neville and Ginny.)

...

The past week of your life has been nothing but a hectic chaos, and you were simply trying your hardest to get through it. 

Your parents had travelled such a long way to ‘catch up’ with their old school friends, the Malfoys, some fellow purebloods that they hadn’t seen since graduating Hogwarts when they were all teenagers. This meant you had been a ‘guest’ at Malfoy Manor for the past week - seven straight days filled with nothing but fake smiling, bragging about your accomplishments, in detail (for your parents’ sake), being shown off like you were some trophy out of their case. You hated it. 

You didn’t think you could handle sitting through one more evening dinner or afternoon tea, hearing them all wax poetic about the ‘good ole days’ while their insufferable son stared at you from across the room. But, as you kept telling yourself, you could go home soon. You could soon go back to your regular life, your own house with walls that weren’t decorated in depressing dark shades - a place with a sprawling rose garden that you missed so dearly. 

Tonight, you just had to get through dinner. 

And then, you could fake some kind of illness and be left alone in the large, comfortable (if entirely dark and dreary) guest room that they had put you up in for your stay. 

Currently, you were racing around that room, wearing nothing but your black stockings and heels, and your jewellery, looking for your perfume bottle to spray some on your neck and chest before you put on your dress and attempted to go through the hassle of zipping it up on your own. You knew that the Malfoys had house elves that you could call upon, but you were really only comfortable with your own elf, Peplum, being the one to dress you. And she was back home because your mother and father didn’t allow her to travel. 

You finally found the perfume bottle and sprayed a few good pumps of it over your neck and breasts, and put one on your inner wrist for good measure. Then you took a moment to bask in the scent because you found it so enjoyable - a nice moment of calming peace from the annoyance and mental strain you had been put through during the past week. 

When you heard the door creak on its hinges, you thought you had been mistaken. 

“My goodness, what do we have here?” 

The sound of someone speaking caused you to jolt, practically jumping out of your skin, and you rushed to cover yourself - the only available covering being your own arms. You turned your back to the door, wrapping your arms around yourself to keep your chest covered, knowing that you looked entirely foolish wearing black tights that went up to your waist, black underwear, and heels - with nothing else. 

Naturally, Draco thought that you looked like a sex dream come to life. 

He could think of nothing sexier than a woman wearing black stockings. So naturally, seeing you topless while wearing those - it caused a stir in his pants that he had to concentrate on for it not to turn into a troubling hardon. He did wish that you weren’t wearing the underwear, though. 

“Don’t cover up on my account.” Draco smirked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his pantsuit (partially as a measure to hide any stirring of his cock). And then he simply continued to stand there, not taking his eyes off the round curve of your ass for even a moment. 

When he spoke again, it was only then that you knew who was there, and any shock pulsing through you at the fact of someone just waltzing in faded away in favour of pure annoyance grinding against your nerves. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You barked, glaring over your shoulder at him. “Knocking was invented for a reason!” 

Draco always found your anger attractive. He found that he liked you angry and topless even better. 

“It’s my house. I don’t have to knock.” He shrugged, sounding as entitled as ever. 

You sighed so hard at this it practically came out as a growl under your breath. Even if you liked the heat in his eyes as he looked you over, even if you found him to be somewhat attractive - that pattern of entitlement made him impossible to put up with. 

You had grown up pureblood, and definitely wealthy, but you absolutely had more humility than someone like him. 

“That is so not true!” You screeched back, entirely insulted by this notion. “Knocking is a basic courtesy that your parents should have taught you!” 

“Whatever.” Draco sighed, seeming entirely unconcerned with the social faux pas of walking in on you partially dressed - he didn’t rush to apologise or even bother to look away. “When we’re married, it won’t matter. I’ll get to look at my wife as much as I want,” 

He said these words with a filthy greed grinding against the back of his throat, the expression on his face disgustingly satisfied. He raked his eyes across your body once again, drinking in every bit of you like he was truly entitled to you. 

You turned around then, your neck aching from craning to look at him. You still had an arm covering your breasts, but his eyes definitely stuck to the puff of your cleavage that was leaking out around it. You would have yelled at him, called him a pig for staring so hard - but cared less and less about his staring as you got caught up on his words. 

“‘When we’re married’?” You echoed back, the words entirely strained on your voice. “Are you okay? Have you been snorting the Floo Powder or are you usually this out of touch?” 

Draco chuckled then, and titled his head slightly as he looked at you - it was distinctly condescending, like how someone might look down at a small child. Like he thought you were the one who was truly out of touch. 

“Darling, are you really that daft?” He asked slowly. “Do you really not know what this trip is for?” 

“What?” You croaked. 

Now, you were truly confused. 

“Our parents didn’t just feel like ‘catching up’ out of the blue. They’re trying to come to some sort of agreement. They’re match-making us. You know - bonding two powerful pureblood families.” He explained. 

“Oh… oh god.” You sighed. It all made perfect sense. The ‘hush hush’ lunches that you weren’t allowed to sit in on, the insistence from your mother that you ‘bond’ with Draco, her questions about if you wanted to have children or not when you thought that was distant years in your future. “I am gonna kill them!” 

You moved to storm out of the room, wanting to give your parents a stern talking to for not warning you about this. But - 

“You’re still naked, love.” Draco chuckled. 

You felt a flush of heat run through you - you wanted to say that it was from embarrassment, and not the wonderfully teasing nickname, and his cutesy tone. But you had other things to focus on than your non-attraction to Draco Malfoy. 

“Ugh.” You turned back around sharply and grabbed your dress off the bed, and after you stepped into it and aggressively pulled the straps up over your shoulders, you struggled to reach behind you and even begin to pull the zipper closed. 

You froze instantly when you felt Draco’s cool fingers brush against the skin of your lower back as he grabbed onto the zipper and then nimbly did it up for you. His touch was surprisingly gentle, and you told yourself that the shivers down your spine were from his cool touch, and not because of any underlying (very annoyed) attraction toward him. 

“Might not be so bad.” Draco breathed against your neck, causing more goosebumps to form on your skin. “Being married to you.” 

You felt an argument bubbling under the surface - but you saved that energy for the ensuing fight you were bound to have with your parents. Instead, you simply scoffed and rolled your eyes in response.

[dawnoftime22]

this is me trying.

| T.S

Warnings: not a mentally good mindset, thought of getting a therapist, R crying at Taylor's present, Tay mentioning R getting through the year, not proofread

Summary: You felt down even as your birthday came up. But even through it all, Taylor manages to eventually brighten your day and even had a special treasure hunt planned out just for you.

Word Count: 3.1k

Category: Fluff, Comfort

A/N: this has so many hidden little meanings, just how I like it. its kinda more relationship anniversary themed tbh, but its still cute<3 made this before I got myself back up and expected sadness all the next days, but I'm okay now :]

| Started on 01/12/2024, 7:21 AM |

| Finished on 01/12/2024, 5:54 PM |

Main Masterlist | T.S Masterlist

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“Pulled the car off the road to the lookout, could've followed my fears all the way down...”

|——————————— ⸆⸉ ———————————|

Today was that time of the year again.

A day you didn't know whether to hate, love, dread for, or dance for. Your age went up another number— you felt like you were wasting time. How did people deal with this again? They probably don't. You don't. Oh, actually, by doing something...or getting a therapist. You sighed at the thought.

It was just the date, your head said to itself. But there was no excuse that you've been feeling nothing for the past few weeks. Well, at least you weren't down that bad as to the point it would be concerning, but you didn't feel great either.

It wasn't dissociation. It wasn't numbness. You were going through the motions, taking whatever life was throwing at you as you tried to just keep being there. Well, you weren't even taking it at all, you were just holding whatever situation in your hands for a second, like it was just simply the daily paper, then throwing it right back at life.

Like being nonchalant, but you weren't nonchalant. There was truly no way to explain it. You had simply gone through too much to have been fazed, too done with what the universe had up its sleeves. It was probably confused at your reaction of being neither sad or mad. Good. You hoped so.

Had anyone else gone through this? Feeling so lonely in your perspective of thought, up to the point you couldn't have a way to explain it? For sure. It certainly didn't provide any help to you thinking whether you were a good person or a bad person.

You took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly to start your day slowly. You had woken up so early in the day, the sun was just barely about to come up.

But after staying cozy under the covers, staring at your phone or the walls of your bedroom, you willed yourself out of bed anyway, fighting the feeling of staying curled up all day.

Taylor wasn't next to you in bed, and you were sitting in your own house, after all. She stayed last night, but had to go in the morning, and somehow you had missed her. You felt a tinge of sadness, but she promised you and teased you of her plans today constantly, which kept your spirits up in a way.

You peeled your shirt off, getting yourself ready to go step into the shower. The steps your feet padded along your wooden floors were quiet, unmistakably a trait of yours you got so much that you'd accidentally scare some people without meaning to.

The bathroom was an immensely different temperature compared to your room, but it was in all the right ways. It wasn't too hot or too cold, and the lighting was kind to your eyes.

As you cleaned yourself up, you let the scents of the shower gel and shampoo fill your senses. You were doing everything, but your mind was spaced out, though you had to admit, the shower was a distraction to get anything else out from your thoughts.

You felt alright for a moment. It was like the water was carrying your weight for you before it gave it right back just as you turned off the shower.

As you felt the heaviness go through your body even after you've freshened up, you did all the mundane tasks. Getting your clothes on, opening the curtains, and finally, grabbing your phone and headphones to head to the kitchen.

You had 'Male Fantasy' by Billie Eilish playing in your ears, cycling through her music for your day. You were sure the music video of that song was all that you looked like, felt like and encapsulated.

Making breakfast felt like it was a chore. You ate, it was gone as fast as it came, but at least you made through it best as you could.

You opened up your phone, going through your notifications rather than leaving it be for once. There weren't many birthday wishes, but you were used to it. The most that you would cherish is one from yourself to say much, and Taylor.

You did see a message from her, but it wasn't a wish, it was something that only made your heart swell in curiosity.

'Hey, sweetheart. You should check the pocket of my hoodie I gave you<3'

Sent at 11:46 AM

Read at 11:58 AM

Her text message had made you blink. The nickname made your heart swell, but the rest of it was mysterious, save from the fact that she had a teensy heart next to all of it.

But you got up from your chair instantly, grabbing your plate and mug to put in the sink to wash and rest on the drying rack, eager to find what Taylor has been up to.

By the time you let the kitchen towel soak up the water on your hands, you went off to your bedroom once more, going in to find her hoodie.

Usually, it'd be on the bed, but when your eyes searched, there was nothing. So, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion before you instead went to check the closet.

She was cheeky. You borrowed a lot of hoodies from her. You'd have taken a guess that it was the most recent one she gave you, but it was empty of anything.

You had to search every one, checking the pockets and worrying nearly that a double check would be needed. But it wasn't long until your hand soon felt something poking it. Of course, it was hidden in her favorite hoodie.

When you took it out, it was a piece of a folded paper. It was starting to come together to you. Her plan was a possible treasure hunt. Joy filled your heart, and you unfolded the paper.

'By the roaring of where the wind meets something blue, where will I be? Something so, so due, I hide under a resting spot.'

You had to think about it for a while, pausing as your eyes stared at the writing on the piece of paper.

The thoughts in your head lead to the lesser known beach, where Taylor always spent time with you, having your private time together without anyone spotting you.

You smile widely, and instantly went to get ready, grabbing the hoodie you retrieved the riddle out of to wear.

It was warm and cozy, filling you with the feeling of sweet fuzziness from love. Your steps were through your house, and your hand reaches for your keys.

Once the door was shut, you were on your way to the beach. It was close by, so you chose to walk. The sun was kissing your skin. Was Taylor doing all this just to get you to go outside? Maybe. But you follow your path anyway, looking around the area.

The beach was empty when you arrived, just how you liked it. The wind was making itself known with its whistles passing by your ear, and the seas were crashing its waves onto shore gently.

You looked at the paper in your hand again, having kept it in the same pocket earlier, going over the words to then look around.

'Something so, so due, I hide under a resting spot.'

A resting spot. You search the nearby wooden swings, but there were nothing, and they weren't completely a place to rest at.

After a few more steps, you spot a bench sitting right near the shop that sold seashells and trinkets. You had forgotten there was one there, and it had been a while since you enjoyed any ice cream with Taylor there. It might've been where you sat on your first date too, but it hadn't been revisited until now.

Your heart swells, and you smiled softly, but starting to search for whatever it was you're looking for. But every part had nothing. You were only hoping you were at the right spot, even though there was no doubt now.

You nearly felt like you were probably looking like a mad person, looking around for something at a bench, or hoping it looked like you lost something.

But thankfully, there was no one around to peer on your treasure hunt, and soon enough, you searched under the bench, seeing something gleaming.

Carefully, you used the flashlight on your phone and looked below, reaching out to grab the item taped under the bench, avoiding anything that could be sticky or dusty, perhaps even have a bug.

Turning off your flashlight, you look at the box. It was light blue, just about the color of her album, 1989. And of course, when you opened it, it had a necklace with a seagull charm. Smiling widely, you took it out to admire it. There were two other charms next to it, spelling 'T.S,' and you might just die out of love.

Above where the necklace was sitting, there was another note in Taylor's handwriting.

'Sweet love; thats what you are. I wear your initials, so will you too? :) My next spot is where I lay most with you, wondering if you'll be in one place with me at all times.'

P.S, smile, baby :

You were about to feel stumped by her sweetness, but at the picture you just couldn't help but laugh, and now you were sure you looked like a mad person.

Your heart thumped slightly against your chest, reading over the words again like it was a love letter— and it really kinda was, but you think about it, biting your lip.

'One place with her at all times,' the only thing that had come into your mind was when she would randomly wonder about you going to move in with her. You said you would have loved to, but you both decided to do it once she settled down with her tour.

Really, it was just so you wouldn't be awfully alone in the house, but it was also because she didn't have much time to help you move in just yet. Besides, it’s better to soak up the moment of it than going fast.

'The place where I lay most with you,' you were thinking of your bed. Well, there was her bed too, but considering your house was closer, you decided to go to yours.

You store the necklace back, delicately putting the lid back on and carrying the box back with you.

Once you were back in your bedroom, you look to the bed, which had nothing but your plushies sitting on the pillows. You'd had searched under them, or anything that could hide a riddle, but nothing.

When you lifted up the pillow on the side Taylor would sleep on though, there, the next riddle was sitting peacefully.

'Come home, sweetheart. I love you.<3'

It wasn't a riddle, it was just...words. But it was soft. You could imagine it in her voice, and after everything the past weeks of your life has been, you were about to curl yourself up in bed and cry it out, thinking the words over and over.

But it wasn't an invitation. It was her telling you to come home. Home was her. And her house was your home too. You took in a breath, slowly exhaling it out to gather yourself together, blinking away anything that could give way to a tear.

You stored the note in your pocket, and went to your car, driving carefully to make sure you arrive to her house safe and sound. She was waiting, her car sitting in the driveway itself.

Once you killed your engine and got out, you walk up to her front steps and stood at the door, your heart beating faster than normal as you stared at it, then took all your courage to ring the doorbell.

Taylor heard it; it was clear by the sound of movement. "Hold on!" you hear her voice call out from the other side of the door. A smile rose up on your lips, unable to contain the excitement you felt. You hadn't felt this excited in a while.

It took just a few seconds, rolling on your feet as you waited, but it didn't take long until the door opens, and behind it, revealed Taylor standing with a cake in her hands.

Your lips part in surprise at the sight, and Taylor smiles softly.

"Happy birthday!!" she said, her eyes roaming your face. She could see the shock in all your features, and you breathed out a chuckle, disbelief spread all through you.

"Tay...I thought you had work..." you whispered softly, vulnerability in your voice, and her eyes soften, realizing now that you possibly had thought the treasure hunt meant that it was something she made because she was busy.

"No. Of course not, for you..." she reassured, her gaze loving as she took a few steps back to let you in.

You went in, closing the door behind you and taking off your shoes as she went to the kitchen, setting down the cake in her hands carefully.

"I...can't believe you did all that for me." You followed her to where she was, watching as she grabbed a lighter to light up the candles on the cake.

You were trying your best not to fall into your emotions the best you could, seeing the care and patience she held even as she finished up and you hesitated.

She smiles gently. "Make your wish...and blow out the candles." The cake turned to face you, and you stepped closer to it, thinking about your wish before blowing out the fire, smoke clouding up just a little bit.

You could see the writing on the cake and just how perfect it was. It was your favorite type, too. "Thank you..." you whispered, turning your head to look at her. She could hear the smallness growing in your voice, and her heart only further swelled.

"Come here," she murmurs, opening her arms. You would have nearly leapt into hrr if you were a bouncy joy that was dancing on your birthday, but you went to her like you needed the hug. Like you hadn't gotten one in years on end.

You melt into her embrace, your own arms wrapped tightly around her too as you closed your eyes, giving a gentle squeeze. She returned it with an endearing kiss on your head.

"I'm so proud of you, baby." She says, leaning back to capture your eyes, still keeping you close.

She knew the things you've been facing, whether with emotion or not, or with feelings you couldn't name or describe, and all she wanted to do was keep you safe in her arms. You let out a slow breath that made you relax, your hand clutching her shirt.

She brought a gentle hand up to one of your cheeks, cupping and caressing soothingly. "I love you...I love that you've made it through the year too, because I don't know what I would do if not," she whispers, smiling softly, but you could see the true worry of love in her eyes, and you wanted to cry right then and there.

"I love you too..." you breathed, your voice nearly breaking in on itself. She gave a kiss to your cheek, both hands moving to cup them now, and nuzzled into your nose.

After doing so and making sure you weren't pulling away, she slowly leans in for a soft kiss on your lips, her hands bringing you closer to her.

She smiled lovingly at you, looking into your eyes before her hand dropped down to yours to intertwine, your fingers interlocking so she could guide you to the couch.

"Sit here..." she murmurs, settling you there to sit comfortably. The TV had your favorite film. You thought she was going to go cut up a slice of the cake so you could both enjoy it while watching together, but when she stepped away, she didn't go to the kitchen.

"I got you something too, hold on," she murmurs, quickly going to her bedroom to grab it and walking out by holding the hole handles. You watched her, frozen with your heavyloaded heart.

"A surprise...?" you teared up a little when you heard her words, having not had a single person to ever give you such a surprise.

"Yeah, baby, be careful..." she whispers, holding it out to you. She knew how much it meant to you, having heard your words once before of not caring what you got for your birthday, as long as it was heartfelt.

As long as it was sweet. It didn't even need to be thoughtful honestly, you would have taken a paper craft or anything handmade and you would've let out tears too.

You shakily opened the lid of the box, and the sight inside only made the world stop. The most adorable furball popped up, curiosity and confusion evident in its face.

"Its a kitten..." you only wanted to cry further at the gift, seeing the smallest cat, right there out the box. Right there. Something you've always wanted, as much as Taylor had her own cats, now you had one for yourself.

You gently and hesitantly picked it up. It didn't fight. It was just as gentle as you, and it was of course clean. You hug it carefully to your chest, your tears basically dampening its fur.

Taylor watched gently and lovingly, her smile wide on her face as she stood there. She took a step closer, putting a hand on your shoulder as she lets you cry it out.

"Do you like it?" she asks softly. She already knew, and she could tell just by your reaction, but she knew it was something she needed to say anyway, because you might not possibly voice out your love on this day more than a 'thank you.'

"I love it...I love it so much...thank you..." you managed to whisper through breaths of your crying, looking up to meet her eyes. You set the kitty down in your lap and opened your arms up for her, wanting her to come in for a hug.

Her expressions soften, and she instantly goes closer, sitting on the couch next to you to pull you into an embrace, her arms wrapped around you.

She was careful not to squish the sweet kitten in your lap, which hadn't moved from its spot, but looking at you two. She gives you a peck on the cheek before smiling at you, returning her attention to the kitten.

"What're we gonna name it...hm?"

----------------------

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[dxmedstudent]

I haven't been on Tumblr in a while but wanted to check how you're doing! How is married life treating you and how is work- I remember last time you were applying for GP training! I'm just coming to the end of F1 :)

Me neither, Anon! Honestly? I have been meaning to come back to Tumblr a while ago, but life has been busy! I had tried to spend less time on socual media so i could focus on my membership exams, and that went too well.

Time flies, I can't believe it's been more than 10 years since I joined tumblr or graduated from med school.

I can't remember which updates I've already shared, so I'll make a list.

Married life is great - pretty similar to pre-married life. Because we started off in different cities due to my training and covid, it's honestly just a joy to live together and be able to hang out. I've been meaning to post a couple of anonymised wedding photos. It still feels amazing that we managed to get all the people we love together. We also managed to fly out to my birth country so that DxDude could meet my relatives...most of whom don't speak English. It was hilarious and lovely and he took being mobbed by an army of Eastern European Babushkas very well.

We adopted a cat! His owner died suddenly and my parents sort of got left with the cat. It was at a difficult time, as it was around the time my beloved cat passed away last year. I still miss her. But I couldn't let someone's baby, a lovely senior cat, live out his last days in a shelter. He's a little 14ish year old man called Sherlock. He loves being held and sitting on my shoulders and he drools when he gets excited. We've been trying to discourage his habit of nipping you when he wants something.

My houseplants and balcony plants may be slowly getting out of control, but I'm happy I have lots of them, and i would have more if we weren't running out of space. I'm currently waging a war against mealybugs. Send thoughts and prayers.

I did get into GP training! And it was local to where I wanted to be, which made it much easier to finally move in together. In fact, I JUST finished GP training a couple of weeks ago and am now living my GP dreams working in one of the practices that I trained in. It's very inner city London. Our patients have complex needs, and I'm honoured to ve in a team that have a lot of experience serving patients affected by substance abuse, homelessness and refugee populations and other complex issues.

We went on Honeymoon to Japan! It was amazing, and I'd still love to go again. I was bold enough to arrange my Honeymoon to be barely a month before a postgraduate exam, but I passed!

This past academic year has been filled with sitting exams and jumping through the hoops required for my eportfolio. On top of working full time as a GP. I didn't think I would do it all first time TBH, but my supervisor had more faith in me than I did. It's honestly been amazing to work for a few jobs in GP training where I felt seen and wanted and where my hard work was appreciated. I can't believe my supervisor offered me my current job, and wanted me to stay on, but they did!

I finished a diploma in sexual and reproductive health and trained in fitting contraceptive implants. I'd like to train up to fit IUDs also to try to improve local access to sexual health services.

I went on strike these past couple of years, when the junior doctors went on strike again. I'm still processing the pay offer and the new government. But I'm relieved we're no loner under the Tories.

We'd like to move house, but we've not gotten around to trying to do this seriously, because my life was already stressful enough. We do need more space, and I hope we'll find somewhere modestly nice that we can afford.

We're trying for kids, and it's sadly taking much longer than we hoped. Being a patient is...a slow and frustrating experience because it already feels like I've had to work harder than I should to advocate for appropriate care. I could say a LOT about the postcode lotteries that come with UK fertility care but I'll leave that for another post.

I've finally accepted that my hair is wavy, and I'm trying out different products to lean into the natural waves and bring them out without leaving it a frizzy Hermione-esque mess. It spent tge past years mostly in a plait or cadet bun, but I'm finally giving my hair a bit more freedom. I have NOT yet accepted that my hair is mostly white at this point. I alternate between wanting to go grey (because that would look cool) and wanting to stay brown because that's kind of how I've imagined myself for the past 35+ years.

I finally get to indulge in painting my nails. I've loved it since I was like 13 and seeing my nails sparkly and colorful brings out my inner 13 year old and she is thrilled. Every time I make my nails glow in the dark, I show them off to DxDude before bed.

My laptop died and then I inherited an old laptop from my parents which is also dying. Which is part of the reason I haven't created much art in recent years. I should probably just bite the bullet and buy a new one, but my exams and diplomas have been expensive so I've been putting it off. To be fair I also made the decision to use my limited free time to keep up with friends and family IRL and try not to feel bad about taking a break from creating. I felt like I was blaming myself for not managing to do everything I wanted to do. I've slowly accepted that none of us can do everything.

I think that's it for now. Looking forward to catching up with what medblr are up to 😃

[kalisburnerphone]

Only // Choi Seungcheol

Happy Birthday Cheol!!! You deserve everything good in the world.

Summary: Just a little glimpse into the life of Seungcheol and Solana.

Word Count: Unknown because I wrote this in the notes app on my phone but probably under 5k.

Warnings: Idol!Seungcheol x OC!Solana, established relationship, a tiny bit suggestive, Seungcheol on his pouty baby agenda, curve/plus-sized, foreigner!oc fluff, mentions of period and period sex, Seungcheol’s breeding kink is mentioned, they’re just in love tbh, pregnancy mentioned, slight handjob, allusions to sex, domesticity, teasing…I think that’s all.

N.B: This is in the same idolverse as my last Seungcheol piece but none of the parts are in chronological order. This couple will appear in other universes as I'm trying out this writing style and I also don't like writing from a first person pov. If I missed anything, let me know. Constructive criticism is welcomed. This is a work of fiction and does not represent the members of Seventeen and what they are like in reality.

At the sound of the front doors keypad being unlocked she ventures from her spot on the couch to greet the person she knows is about to appear once the door opens.

“Hey you.” He grins when he spots her. “why’re you still up?”

He questions pressing a quick peck to her lips before bending to take off his shoes. He tries to hide the jolt of pain he feels but she notices anyways, she always did. Their schedule had be jam packed since the concerts last weekend and soon they’d be on a plane to Japan for the remaining shows.

“I was working on that assignment when you texted so I decided I’d stay up. I haven’t seen much of you this week outside my phone screen.” He can hear the pout in her voice before he even looks at her and it’s honestly moments like these that Seungcheol is absolutely grateful that he gets to experience with her.

“I have a few days before we leave for Japan, I’m all yours.” He presses another kiss to her lips and lets her pull him behind her.

“I ran you a bath, go strip and get in. Have you eaten yet?” She asks as she lightly pushes him in the direction of their bedroom.

“Mhmm, we had team dinner. Join me?”

“Not tonight baby, shark week has started.”

“Okay,and? Y’know that’s not an issue.”

“Baby, you’re taking a bath not a shower. It’s not happening. Now, go strip and get in before the water gets too cold. I’ll come keep you company in a bit.” She compromises knowing fully well that he wouldn’t stay long in the bath if she didn’t at least sit with him.

Seungcheol seems satisfied with her answer as he lifts his hand to signal that he’s giving her five minutes to join him.Once he disappears down the hall she’s moving towards the couch and picking up her laptop, saving her assignments before powering it off. Kkuma had been staying with her uncle this past week as both her parents were extremely busy.

After the quick clean up, she’s turning off the lights just as Seungcheol calls out for her.

“I’m coming you big baby,” she teases making her way to the bedroom. She gets the little seat she uses at the vanity and takes it into the bathroom with her. She sets it down besides the tub, Seungcheol’s eyes never leaving her figure. Both arms resting on the edge of the tub used as support for his head as he watches her move around before she sits next to him with a little basket of their skincare products on the counter in front of her.

He sits quietly as she removes the days makeup from his face before applying his cleansing oil. After a few minutes she removes the oil using a warm,damp towel. They’ll have to finish the rest of steps once he’s done but it’s the last thing on his mind at the moment.

“How is it?”

“Hmm?” He hums out, much too preoccupied with the way her fingers are massaging his scalp.

“Your leg baby. I know you like putting up that shield of yours but we’re not going to pretend like I don’t know that you’re in pain. It’s been acting up since Saturday and I didn’t say anything because I figured you knew not to push yourself too much but, you’ve barely had time to rest lately.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not mad at you Cheol, I…I’m just worried. Carats are as well, I can’t begin to count how many videos I’ve seen this week of you being in pain after stages. As much as they love that you’re back and doing what you love baby, they’re also extremely worried and protective. I’m not asking you to promise me that you’ll be more careful, I just need you to try and remember to take it easy from time to time. Take a break,put your leg up and relax. Yes, your rehab went well and you made progress quickly but you gotta remember that you’re still healing and over exerting yourself won’t help.”

Both his cheeks are cupped in her hands as she looks at him. Seungcheol isn’t sure if she can see the literal hearts in his eyes but whatever she sees must have assured her that he’d gotten her message loud and clear because she’s pressing her lips to his for what feels like the first time this week.

She pulls away too quickly for Seungcheol’s liking and he’s left chasing her lips as she goes. “One more.” The little giggle that leaves her mouth has him smiling brightly and her thumbs lightly poking his dimples as they appear.

“You’re so whipped.” she teases lightly, pressing kisses everywhere except for where she knows he wants them. The water in the tub has gone cold but Seungcheol didn’t care.

“Like you aren’t as equally whipped, princess.” He teases back before he’s taking matters into his own hands and slotting his lips against hers. Her kisses are something he can never get enough of and he only ever pulls away once he’s satisfied with leaving her breathless.

“Lemme finish up here and I’ll come rub your tummy, I know those first day cramps are horrendous.” He says softly.

“Okay. Don’t forget to finish your skincare.” She reminds him before making her way back to the bedroom with her little seat.

Seungcheol can’t help the lovesick smile on his face as he gets out of the bath and drains the water before stepping into the shower to rinse off. He contemplates washing his hair but decides he’ll just do it the following morning and proceeds to finish up his skincare and brushing his teeth before entering the bedroom.

“Baby,”

“Hmm?”

“Was that a new oil? It smelled really good.” He informs as he’s in the middle of pulling on his boxers.

“Mhmm, Josh recommended it to me the last time we met up. It’s warm vanilla and something but it’s supposed to help you relax and sleep well. Did you like it?”

Seungcheol loved the way she interacted with his family. He remembers how skeptical he’d been about introducing her to them but all those worries had been for nothing as she fit right in with them,especially Jeonghan and Joshua. Three of them together was like having mischievous triplets who fed off each other’s energy and they often gave Seungcheol a run for his money but he wouldn’t have had it any other way.

“It’s nice, you should buy more.”

Once he’s got his pants on he’s joining her on their bed. Her phone is placed on her bedside table as she grabs a medium sized container and some other item he doesn’t quite notice.

“Up against the headboard, get settled.” She bosses him around as she grabs one of the extra pillows and props it up under his leg before twisting open the cover on the container.

“What’s that for?” He questions, knowing better than to protest against her doting on him. It’s not often that she’s this fussy over him openly but he guesses he owes it to her hormones being all over at the moment.

“Icy Hot,” she says showing him the front of the container. “It’ll help with pain relief in the muscles and joints around the area.”

She explains as she applies a generous amount to his leg before massaging it into the area softly. “It’ll be cold at first, once you feel it start heating up that’s how you know it’s working.”

Once that’s done she’s carefully lifting his leg from the pillow and sliding his knee band under before securing it in place as she’s done numerous times throughout his recovery. Seungcheol waits until the container is covered and placed back on the bedside table before he’s pulling her towards him.

“Wait! Lemme wash my hands first.” She laughs lightly wiggling her way out of her boyfriend’s grabby hands.

“Babyyy, hurry up. I’m cold.” Seungcheol whines out not even five minutes later and she can hear the pout that she knows is settled on his lips. She had already completed her nightly routine so once her hands are clean,she’s making her way back to bed and immediately being pulled onto her boyfriend’s lap before she can settle next to him.

“You and your manhandling tendencies.”

“Tendencies that you love, let’s not pretend now.” He teases pressing a kiss to her jaw before moving lower to her neck where he lingers a bit.

“No marks tonight, I have a shoot tomorrow and Yeji will kill me if she has to do damage control.” She informs him, one hand on his shoulder and the other tangled in the hair at the back of his head.

“Just one?” He rests his chin on her exposed cleavage, looking up at her with a pout that he knows usually gets him his way. Seungcheol knew she wouldn’t let him have her the way he wanted so he’d have something else.

“Nuh-uh. The last time you said just one Cheol, she asked if I was mauled. You get carried away and I’m not complaining because you know I love it but not when I have to shoot.”

“Fineee,” his pout is even deeper now. “but after shark week has ended, I’m having my way with you.”

“Threat or a promise?” She teases, one hand on his shoulder and the other in the hair at the the of his head. Seungcheol doesn’t give her an answer, he simply presses his lips against hers, hard.

It’s sloppy, a mess of teeth and tongue and he thinks he’s got her in a position where he can sneak a mark or two but she’s pulling away much too soon for his liking.

“Babyyy.”

“Hmm?” She smiles giving his lips a few pecks before leaning in close to his ear. “You ain’t slick Choi.” she whispers with a lick to his earlobe before slipping off his lap and into her spot in bed.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you, what do you want for your birthday this year?” She asks redirecting the conversation before he could pounce on her.

Seungcheol breathes out a heavy sigh and readjusts his length in his pants before turning on his side, head propped up on one hand as the other settles on her waist.

“I don’t need anything. Just wish me happy birthday at midnight and I’ll be fine with that.”

“Cheol, c’mon. There’s gotta be something you want. Last year you said the same thing but lit up like a child on Christmas when I got you that chrome hearts collection and now you’re obsessed with the brand. I’m only asking because I really don’t know what to get you this time.”

Seungcheol finds it cute how she’s now the one pouting at him. If he was being honest, there’s something that he wanted but he wasn’t sure how she’d react if those words ever left his mouth. It wasn’t something they’d spoken in detail about given the place they were both at in their careers but Seungcheol couldn’t help the thoughts that had been occupying his mind recently.

Thoughts of her plush stomach all round with his child, breasts heavy and full as she waddled around their home. It drove him a bit insane especially whenever he’s inside her, hoping that his seed will take and she’d make him a dad. As bad as it sounds he wished that damn implant was ineffective as he pumped her full of his cum, round after round.

“So there is something that you want.” He hears the teasing lithe in her tone but feigns innocence, telling her that he doesn’t know what she’s talking about and that he’ll be happy with whatever she gave him.

“Tell me.”

“Baby, there’s not—ohh fuckkk!” his eyes immediately lock with hers as she starts stroking his length over his pants, her palm pressing into the head when she reaches the tip.

Seungcheol chuckles in disbelief at the bratty little smirk displayed on her lips. Her hand slipping past the band of his sweatpants to continue her teasing. Lips brushing against his own as she whispers against them “tell me what you want,daddy.”

In a matter of seconds Seungcheol has her flat on her back as he hovers above her, one hand loosely wrapped around her throat before their lips meet. She nips at his bottom lip before licking it over and Cheol struggles to stop the moan that slips pass his lips as she continues pumping his throbbing length.

“You’re such a fucking tease, y’know that? Y’know, I’m trying to be respectful but you just love to test me like I won’t lay some towels down and fuck you the way I haven’t been able to in the last three weeks.” His fingers squeeze a little tighter around her neck and he huffs at her audacity to still be smirking at him.

“It’s okay though because as soon as shark week is over, I’m going to remember this moment right here and I’m going to have my way with you. Fuck you just the way you like it, round after round I’ll fuck you full of my seed until it sticks and you’re all round and full with my baby.” He whispers hotly in her ear.

“That wasn’t so hard, now was it?” comes her quick witted response and once again Seungcheol is huffing in disbelief.

“You knew?”

“Like I said baby, you’re not slick. You forget just how well I know you sometimes and I saw you looking at baby clothes that you claimed were for Kkuma.”

The tips of his eyes are red as he buries his face in the crooks of her neck.

“I’m sorry. I know we haven’t talked about it seriously and both of our careers are really hectic right now but I can’t get rid of that feeling of being ready to take that step with you.” He speaks so softly that she wouldn’t have heard him if he weren’t so close to her ear.

“Hey, look at me.” both hands cupping his cheeks as he does as she asked. “there’s no reason for you to be sorry. I’ll have your babies, you know this. As long as it’s with you I know I’ll be okay. I guess what I’m trying to say is, once our schedules clear up a bit we can go to the doctor to get the implant out and we can start trying.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She can’t help the way his smile makes her smile as well. She’d do anything for him and if a baby is what he wants then that’s what he’ll get.

“You’re going to make me a dad? Give Kkuma a sibling?”

“That’s the plan baby, but until then, lay back let me fix the problem I created.

Solana smiles as she recalls that faithful night three months ago. She had gone to the doctor without Seungcheol while he was in Japan and had the implant removed. He was still unaware to that fact but that didn’t stop the new heights his breeding kink had soared to. True to his word, he’d had her ten ways to Sunday during the week they got off after Japan. On the balcony of his hotel room before and after their speech at the UN and many more after that which has brought them to this faithful moment.

It’s August 8th and Seungcheol’s 29th birthday. She’d wished him happy birthday at exactly midnight because lord knows he’d be pouting for the rest of the month if she didn’t and he’d had his way with her once again until the sun came up and they both drifted back to sleep.

She’d planned a simple birthday dinner with the boys, Kai and Nami. They had gathered at their favorite restaurant, a private room booked as they all ate and drank while telling stories and remembering their trainee days. As the evening goes on, Jeonghan and Joshua are the first to hand Seungcheol presents. One by one they all give him their gifts and watches as he opens them until she’s the only one left.

It’s a little blue box, quite smaller than the other gifts he’s gotten so Seungcheol’s not really sure what it is. Jeonghan however is sitting in the corner with a knowing smile on his face. He wasn’t stupid, he had picked up on the little things that seemed to fly right over Seungcheol’s head but he wouldn’t ruin that element of surprise for his best friend.And surprised Seungcheol is when he opens the box and pulls away the pink wrapping paper to reveal a small photo album.They’re all pictures from over the course of their relationship. From polaroids to instant photo booth pictures, there was a memory attached to each for every month of the last five years.

Seungcheol’s eyes are immediately finding hers once he gets to the last page of the album. “This is real, right? You’re not fucking with me?”

She shakes her head and smiles at him mouthing surprise as Seungcheol drops the box and album onto the table before pulling her into his arms and kissing her. She’s the first to pull back when she feels something wet hit her cheeks.

“Yah, why’re you crying?” She laughs lightly followed by a sniffle of her own.

“I’m happy, so fucking happy. Thank you and I love you. You and the little bean growing inside of you.” He smiles sniffling a little.

“No.Fucking.Way. Jeonghan hyung wasn’t lying.”

They’re both pulled out of their little bubble by Mingyu’s surprised outburst as they all circle around the open album on the table that shows an ultrasound with the title:

Baby Choi 2025 ♥️

[ftm-radio]

My gender is 4 years old

...and four days, as of April 15th. This post is a bit late. 😅

Four years ago, all the confusing little puzzle pieces I'd been collecting came together in a genuine eureka! moment and I realized I was transgender. It was exhilarating and terrifying and it undeniably changed my life for the better.

The last few years have felt pretty damn slow and I've had to scramble over a few frustrating obstacles (never changing my name AGAIN, lmao, that was annoying as fuck) but it's all been worth it and now it feels like I'm really making headway.

I started testosterone this past year! I did that! I'm almost 7 months on T now! Currently on a dose of two pumps of gel, which I have only missed applying once in all that time because I was literally sick. The changes are gradual but they are real and they have already brought me so much joy and made me so much happier in my humble flesh prison. 💗

The most anticipated change for me (and for a lot of transmasc folks, I imagine) is my voice, and BOY (heh) am I happy to share this data comparison with you:

[ LEFT: A screenshot from the Voice Pitch Analyzer app, dated November 3rd, 2021. It shows that OP's voice registers fully within the female voice range. RIGHT: Another screenshot from the app, dated April 12th, 2024. This one shows that OP's voice registers mostly between the Androgynous and Male voice ranges. ]

My voice is so different now. It sounds different, it feels different, and in just the last week or so I swear it has gotten a little rougher and raspier and I am LIVING. I could not be happier!!!

...okay, fine, I could be happier lmao.

I'm adjusting to my deeper voice and still learning how to use it in a way I like & that feels best to me, so I'm starting to do some casual at-home voice training again after basically forgetting about the concept completely since 2021. (Whoops.) But I am already so much happier and more content with my voice than I have ever been in my life, so it's only getting better from here, lads. <3

I've also had to go to a lot of appointments and answer a ton of phone calls about said appts recently because I kinda fucked up my eyeball (it's better now, don't worry! and be gentle to your eyes, they are delicate and eye drops are so fucking annoying when you're doing them seven times a day, jfc) and my voice has reached a point where I was a lot more comfortable interacting with strangers and I also didn't notice any surprise or confusion when I introduced myself with a male name! It was kind of amazing.

Also singing is even more fun now. I love love LOVE singing along with a male vocalist and feeling the way my voice kinda rumbles through my chest. 10/10 sensory experience.

Other changes aren't nearly as exciting or obvious as my voice, but here's a quick (?) rundown, for those who are curious:

Mood — Gotta be honest, I don't think I've really noticed any significant change in my day-to-day mood, though I may not be the best judge for this because I have trouble figuring out what/how I'm feeling in general, tbh. But I think I have certainly gotten more comfortable and content with myself and I'd even go so far as to say I feel a little more confident these days. It's nice, I appreciate it.

Acne — I definitely noticed a change in how my acne presents itself on my face. I wouldn't say it's worse than before (I've had very bad acne since I was a young teenager and only got medication for it like, last year which has helped immensely) but I think it's different. More little red spots and roughness than the unpleasant and painful pimples I'm used to. I don't even mind it, really. Oddly affirming.

Facial Hair — I've got facial hair. I really do!!! Not clickbait!!! It's not much, not enough for me to be brave and take my dad up on his offer of shaving lessons quite yet, but it has grown in enough that I don't feel silly including it in self portraits! 🤭🧔🏻 Got a little bit of a mustache happening, a little bit at the sides of my face, some fuzz on my chin (with one LONG hair that I can only assume has been greedy and stealing his brothers' growth), and a frankly surprising lil patch of hair under my jaw. On a semi-related note, not sure if my brows have gotten much darker/thicker. They might have? idk.

my new discord icon, hehe... 👁💜🪓

Body Hair — I have gotten a little more hair on my forearms, and it may have gotten a little darker too! I have a tattoo on my arm just below my left wrist and it's been surprisingly helpful for measuring arm hair growth because for years my tattoo was not covered by hair at all but the left side of it's a little fuzzy now... 😏 I've gotten more noticeable hair growth on my upper arms, which were basically hairless before (free gender euphoria every time I put on my T) and on my thighs. Don't think my lower legs have gotten much hairier, and I'm a little impatient about it lmao. I want to get hairy enough to rival my brother.

Energy/Appetite — Can't say I've really noticed any differences here? I am not a very active person and I already struggled with appetite and getting myself to eat before I started T (thank you adhd & poor eating habits 🥲💀), so I can't quite tell if I'm ignoring more hunger signals than usual. 😅 I am hoping to get more active and start doing more physical activity now that it's starting to get warmer outside again, so hopefully that will help me see these sorts of changes and also get me into some better eating habits as I expend more energy and work up a proper appetite! (Also, since we're on the topic... a reminder for all of us that taking care of yourself and feeding the body you live in is a million times more important than aesthetics and numbers on a scale. ❤)

Menstruation — I am still getting my period right on schedule, but I am happy to say it is considerably lighter than it was before I started testosterone! My period has begun getting shorter, too. It lasted for roughly 7–9 days before, but I was bleeding for exactly 7 days last month, and only 6 days this month. I'm not sure if this trend will continue at such a dramatic rate, but if my next round is only 5 days I will be very excited about it, lol. My uterus can retire any day now, please...

Bottom Growth — if any of my friends read this part, don't speak to me about it lmao — Yeah... there's a little bit of something happening down there. Not a lot, and I haven't really noticed any pain or sensitivity, but there's a Difference. Aaaaand I like it. 😌 I am looking forward to any and all future developments. 😏👉🏻👉🏻

Okay! I think that's it, really.

I know I haven't been super active on this blog for quite a while now (I have really gotten into fandom blogging on my main lmao, and also discord is my favorite thing right now, it's where 90% of my friends live) so I hope this nice, long, ramble-y post makes up for that a little bit. <3

Not gonna make any promises that I'll post here more often, but y'know. I might. It could happen. Definitely not leaving this blog to sit and gather dust, that's for sure. I'll still be reblogging stuff semi-frequently, even if I'm not writing up my own posts.

So goodbye for now, and thanks for tuning in! 👋🏻📻💖💙✨️

[moonunirealm]

𐙚 ⋆ ᴍʏ 𝒮𝐻𝐼𝐹𝒯𝐼𝒩𝒢 ᴊᴏᴜʀɴᴇʏ (ᴇxᴘʟᴀɪɴᴇᴅ)

I SHIFTED AGAIN… TWICE!

in the past, i’d get in this zone every couple months where i’m super motivated/confident. reading other people’s success stories, scrolling on tumblr and seeing how easy it is to actually just shift my awareness to another reality…

i end up ‘mini’ shifting a few times then life gets in the way again or the momentum goes away but this time, i’ll make it keep going!

here’s a story time about how my last two shifting experiences went…

MOONUNIREALM ☾

dividers: @/saradika / @/saradika-designs

i minishifted to two parallel realities last night. when i shift, i don’t know why i get scared but i usually do then pull myself out of it. (im not going to pull myself out next time and i’ll just see what happens, this reality is gonna keep going without me, there’s nothing to stress out about “missing”)

first shift, i did it right when i fell asleep. i shifted and right away, it seemed like that world was moving at such a fast pace, i was the same, living in the same place, with the same family, etc but there was this hustle that kind of slapped me in the face.

due to that fast paced lifestyle, i thought that so much time had past in this reality. i needed to go somewhere in the morning in my cr so i just repeated “i need to go” over and over again until i pulled myself out of it… well, only 6 mins had passed in my current reality lol i swear it felt like an eternity.

in 6 minutes, i lived like 3 weeks. i shifted but only calling it a mini shift to put into perspective how short the time that had passed here was but in my scripts, that’s how i make my time ratios so my consciousness probably has gotten accustomed to it tbh.

the second shift literally happened right after the first. to recap, i went to sleep, shifted, then i pulled myself out. back in this reality, i laughed at how flustered i got about how much time passed and i literally fell asleep like 5 mins before. tbh, i was so tired, i had this big test that i was studying for so i was barely sleeping. with literally one eye open, wrote all i could about what i experienced in the first shift on a random note on my phone and went right back to sleep.

in this second reality, things were slowed down a bit but still faster than this current reality. i was so family oriented in that reality, it felt overbearing tbh. my grandmother, who died in this reality, was alive in that one but she was different. a bit taller, skin was brighter, she just seemed healthy (iykwim). anyway she was giving me ‘advice’ on everything i was doing, the way i folded clothes, how i was walking, what i needed to do… mind you, in that reality i was also going to school and trying to take care of her plus my little sister.

it was very tiring, the CONSTANT nagging. my parents weren’t there, i didn’t recall why they weren’t but it was the norm like it felt like it was just my grandmother, me and my little sister for awhile. i wasn’t wondering where they were, i didn’t have time to.

the second shift was longer than the first but i got bored of that reality lol, i swear it was so go, go, go and i didn’t see any relaxation in my near future. why would i stay in a reality where my calendar was booked from now till forever it seemed like.

anyway, that was my experiences this week, overall i’m happy that i got to remember how easy it truly is and feel like im getting accustomed to it since other times ive shifted, it was harder to remember details i remembered easily this time around.

if you’d like me to go into detail on any particular part, let me know!

[mchlgayser]

𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐀 𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 ft trent alexander-arnold

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: It's been over a year since you and Trent started dating but over time you found out the untold truth.

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: angst / ✸

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠(s): mention of relationship break-up, language, rebounding, blood, and drinking

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: I got this idea from my lil sis (who unintentionally give me the idea, I will creds her later with some mcds) I love the overall plot tbh, let me know what you guys think about this one!

(( my navigations ))

It was past midnight when you woke up from your sleep due to the loud sound downstairs. You look around to see no sign of Trent's assuming it must be him. You rush downstairs seeing him curling near the countertop with glasses all over him. There are also trickles of blood on his hand and the floor.

You didn't wait for a second and flew to where he is, crouching near him but far enough from the shattering pieces of glass 'Are you alright?' You asked him and help him up to wash the wound on his palm. He was quiet. Not bother to talk back but silence.

You give him a glass of water whilst you did his hand bandaging and putting ointment to reduce pain but not once did he wince or moan in utter discomfort.

You get him back to bed tucking him in and kissing his head 'I'll go and clean the glass, you should sleep.' You assure him as he smile lazily before he scooted away from your view and rests.

Another day, you woke up again from your sleep due to the loud knocking noise. You mindlessly walk there and scan through the peephole to see Trent, outside.

'Oh, my God!' A strong smell of alcohol fills up your nostrils, his eyes hooded and stained, was he crying? You thought, 'You are drunk! Ouch!' You had a hard time moving him that you didn't notice the table and hit your back, hard.

You push him onto the couch and get him a painkiller whilst caressing your aching back 'Here, consume this.' He did as you said and chugged down the water in one go 'Where've you been? You were out all day, you didn't bother to call back either...'

'I...' He started, you slowly lift your head to meet his sleepy gaze, and he smiles 'I... Missed you...' You huff, and slowly his hand reaches out for your cheek, stroking it. You close your eyes and smile through tears, it's been a while since he told you that.

'I missed you, Ash.' A part of your heart left shattering in despair. That name, you knew who she was. It was Trent's ex-girlfriend. The one that left him for another guy. The one that you despise so much for making Trent always feel hopeless. The girl you thought you won against after bonding a relationship with Trent, after proving to him that you can treat him better than she did.

Your body slumped to the ground, eyes moistening with hot tears, your boyfriend, the one with who you promised a forever life span, betrayed you.

'What's wrong?' He questioned, trying to get up 'Love?' You push him back 'You should rest, you must be so tired.' You get up and left immediately.

Weeks had passed, and you and Trent are still together, mentally. Both of you are just not with each other anymore, he sleeps in the guest room and you in your shared room. He eats breakfast and then left, you did too. It's just, nowhere. This relationship is pointless. You are devastated, not knowing what to say, and instead, ignore him. Not seems like a really big problem because he did ignore you too. You wanted to break off, of course, you do.

But you are out of words, clearly not knowing what to do or say.

Today is no different from the rest except for a few guests coming over. Trent had invited his friends over for a night's game or whatever they called it. It was four when the doorbell chimed and came in one by one. They greeted you before following Trent to the living room and playing the video station.

'Are you lot don't want anything? I can grab chips and make your drinks?' Trent insisted but they are otherwise, you smile at them and walk into the kitchen once again.

'So how's the relationship going?' You heard one of his friends ask, and you see Trent avert his head towards him 'Great, we two have been off lately but that's it, we'll get better.' He shrugs and continues playing 'So you are saying she doesn't know yet? About you...'

Trent give him a look 'No. She doesn't know about it.'

'About what?' His other friends ask getting intrigued 'You know, just him playing with her to get over the previous chick but look like the plan failed!' His friends laugh 'Come on, you told us she got everything, her eyes, her features overall, form yada-yada-yada. Still not able to get over that bitch?'

'Hey, don't say anything about her... Whatever.' He slumps his head on the couch and sighs 'It's hard you know, Y/n just... I don't think she fits the role. It's hard to explain but she's different from Ashley. I think I might break things off sooner than I thought...?' They all laugh like it was something amusing

You get out of your hiding spot and place the tray on the coffee table harsher than you intend, and force a smile out of your lip 'Please, enjoy.'

His friends are in all day, and you've been in your room just sitting on the bed with suitcases ready full of your stuff. You didn't want to leave, obviously not in front of them. You're gonna wait until they fled. The clock strike at ten when the sound of the door opens and closes.

Their footsteps decreased, and you sighed holding onto your trembling hands and getting the suitcases. Trent had just entered the room when you were about to leave 'What the fuck! Where are you going?' You bump your shoulder past him without any more words 'Y/n, I'm talking to you!' He takes your hand in his 'I'm leaving Trent.'

'What, why?'

'What you mean, why? Didn't you say you might break things off with me soon or later? I'm making things easier for you! I mean, after all, I'm not the perfect role to play Ash either!' He was still holding it as you push it away 'You should stop pretending and play nice, I'm done anyway. You know it's nice while it lasts.'

You fish your hand inside your pocket and hand to his palm the ring, the promise ring he gave you on your 100th day together. A simple diamond ring he gifted you just as how you gifted him with your presence.

'I'm going now, I hope we don't cross paths in the future.' The last utterances you spoke to him were going to haunt him for the rest of his life.

I mean he should feel burden-free now, should he? After all, this is what he wants. To get rid of you and find the other perfect girl to keep him entertain to get rid of his feelings, so why does he feel heavy? A heavy sensation lingered inside his chest. This is not how it is supposed to be. You should be the one to feel distressed and not him.

So why, why does he feel the urge to run after you and apologize over and over.

[se0bs]

Promise-Choi Theo

Summary-Having to stay away from your love

Info:Theo x reader,Angst/Fluff,Idol Au

Warnings-Idk kissing

I’ve made a promise to make sure to not be close to you.We didn’t even say goodbye.It hurts so much without you.Staying away from my phone I try my best to ignore your members calls.

It hurts to be something

It hurts to be nothing without you

The math never adds up I can’t seem to find a solution to are problem.I have to break my promise for us.

Picking up my phone I slide the phone to answer the phone “Soulie” the contact name is with a silly pfp.”HIIIIIIIUIII HOW HVE YOU BEEN THEO MISS YOU SOO SOO MUCH PLS TALK TO HIM😭!!” Soul said once that call answered.”Soul calm down I will talk to him ok?” Trying to keep the little alien settled down for his members.”Ok okie let me get him!” Soul said while in the background you hear a random show.”Theo Theo it’s y/n come come!!” Soul ran on the other side of the phone.

“Hi my love how’s life im so sorry how it’s been I’ve been trying to talk to the company to maybe get you a job to be close by me” Theo said with his sweet voice.”Thank I’m sorry how I’ve been acting I just don’t know what to do tbh” trying not to cry from finally hearing his voice in 2 weeks.

“If it’s okie would you like to be are styles Ik how much you like fashion and you can even be close to me!” Theo said.”What really!! I thought you had one?” Trying to not explode from finally getting to see him.”Yea but we need another do to all this stuff coming up”

“I’d love to!!”

I’ve never been to happy to see someone and get to be with them even getting paid for it to.”The interview is on the 29th at 9:30am I will wake you up since I know you can’t get yourself up that early” Theo said “Hey!! Don’t say that little boy…But thank you so much my love”

“I GOT IT ANGEL AHHHH!!!” Screaming at the top of my lungs.”Omg that’s soo good when do you start?” Theo said hold your hand while looking at your paper.”The 28th I will be making your outfits for your guys ppp show!! I’m so happy I finally will get to see your amazing performance now!!”

“Look how pretty you look Theo” Turning him around to see his outfit.”Wow is so good” he’s in shock right now. “I got the best color for you and I hand sewed the out it’s all made from other cloths” I said to him fixing up a few details.

“Ty so much my love I’m so glad your hear with me” Giving you a small kiss on your temple.

I’m so glad I broke my promise to myself I feel better then I’ve been In the past 16 days…

[mcalhenwrites]

I'm having a rough time, and editing Seasons has been one of my only solaces lately. I've been wanting to work on other stories, but my heart just hasn't been in it. I don't think those side stories for Geckos are getting published in August, either. I don't even have them finished. I might work on them a bit this weekend during the lull. We'll see if I have energy?

About to get TMI and personal, though I don't want to get into some of it. I just know I want to make myself small and unseen and not a problem/burden, bc I sure as hell feel like one. I relate pretty hard to Shannon's character for a reason. :') (Right down to the suicide thoughts and attempts.) Anyway. My health plunged recently. My fibro has been in a real bad flare the past... Week and a half, I think? It has been excruciating at times. I call it my hugs of pain bc it really loves my upper back/right arm (all the way down from neck/shoulder to my fingertips). And I have no idea if I'm menstruating right now (I think I might be) bc I've been bleeding nearly every fucking day since I got an IUD inserted in late June. I've had these almost contraction-like pains but more focused on the right side of my abdomen. That's where I have a cyst that's nearly 3" in size, confirmed by an ultrasound the same day the IUD was put in. I get them frequently, but idk if it's the size of this one or the IUD or a mixture of both, but I'm having a rough time of things. I've called about it and thought the pain had eased up, but it keeps coming back. And yes, I do know what contractions feel like, so don't dare come at me for saying I'm describing something I've never been through. Financially, I just... I am struggling like hell and I'm so sick of it. I'm worn out from all this pain I'm in, but I'm still trying to do things like write (which is falling flat on its butt outside of Seasons), work my weekend job, keep things clean, run errands, and think of merchandise ideas for the tables I sell at. It's all complicated. Oh, I have been playing Wylde Flowers as a distraction too, though that kind of went weird when we had a tornado warning and I had to shut it off??? It was very unexpected, and luckily it didn't hit my area - well the derecho did, but the tornado was huge just very short-lived. Thank goodness. It was down and up again, I think. I thought I might deal with them less in Iowa but now I'm missing Kansas! Speaking of... the worst thing about this entire fucking financial situation is that I can't afford a house so I can get my dog back. My mom sends me frequent photos of him (and her dog too but I don't miss her that much tbh). He's such a good boy and I miss his sweet hugs and stinkiness. :( Yes, I miss him being stinky. Leave me alone. My dog is the best, and now that I work in a place where I see dogs and get to pet a few of them every day, I miss him even more. But he wouldn't adjust to apartment life. He's a pyrenees mix who weighs over 112 lbs right now, and he hates being photographed but will actually let my mom take them now if she says they're for me. ;A; Sweet boy! BEST BOY. God I miss him and he's turning ten in October and I'm afraid he's gonna get old and pass away before I get him back.

[snowball-doie]

Sorry if this is a bit of a random question but since im like 99.99% sure you’ve mentioned going to Korea before, do you have any advice for visiting there?

Hi!!! Yes, I’m going next Friday 🫣 This’ll be my third time haha.

Since I went for work over the summer and will be going this time too, I don’t have too many recommendations for hotels and stuff- My first time going, I spent Christmas there with 5 of my friends and we all split an Airbnb for a week, and I think it was $250 per person? So pretty affordable imo? For work, they put me in a business hotel which is DEF not affordable…. But what I will say is, consider a few factors aside from cost if you can. Location and convenience can make all the difference. Most Airbnbs don’t have elevators (and they can be illegal Airbnbs too!) so if you’re someone who needs accommodation with accessibility, hotel is the way to go. If this is your first time traveling abroad or you need more “security” then hotel is a better bet. But hotels are expensive and they’re usually in the touristy parts, so if you’re looking for something more “authentic”, then Airbnb for sure lol.

My autism goes brrrrrr on trips, so I’m a planner (my poor friends, man….) anyhow, I always create a schedule just to know what the vibes are for every day. Like literally, I’m going to be there Jan 4-Feb 10 just because I want to stay for Johnny’s birthday 🧍‍♀️ And I have on my calendar that day 1, I’m speed running the NCT Zone pop up and all of my fav kpop stores lol. So if you’re trying to find things to do there, don’t skip on the touristy things, I promise they’re worth it!! I have to go to Gyeongbukgong Palace for a 3rd time this trip lol…. Lotte Tower is soooo cool (but I think Lotte World can be a hit or a miss tbh). My fav kpop stores are ofc Kwanga Seoul (I get soooo much NCT merch there), whatever the store is called in Gangnam on the main road kinda near Five Guys? I think Meochi or something? Ktown4u at Coex is my spott 🥰 Also Withmuu in Hongdae. Allllll of the shops in Myeongdong’s train station. I was searching for Glitch Mode Jeno for so long, bro. So long. And I found ONE. COUNT EM, ONE!!!! In one of the shops there. Also they have a shit ton of photocard packs which I eat up lol. Ummmm. There’s some others. If you guys want my Naver spots, I can post that.

Speaking of Naver- Google Maps doesn’t work in Korea, so live and breathe Naver!! English is iffy on there, esp if you’re trying to find an exact address, so google the Korean names of things you’re trying to find then paste it into Naver (if you don’t know Korean). For example, if you’re trying to find Animate at AK PLAZA, you could look up AKA Plaza, but if you’re looking for Animate specifically, you might have to put in the Korean name 👍

If you’re a picky eater, do not fear. I promise, guys, I had more chicken and beer… and fast food than anything else there. I literally went to subway my first night in the summer 🧍‍♀️ And my coworkers took us to Five Guys. Yes, it’s just as expensive as here, idk why. Taco Bell is lit cuz they have beer. McDonald’s is hellaaaaa good. So there’s always stuff if you don’t end up liking some Korean foods. The only one I can never do is Samyetang in Insadong 😣 Try sundubu if you haven’t already!!! It’s literally my fav thing in the whole world omfg 😮‍💨

You don’t have to know a lot of Korean to just. Visit. Obvi know the basics like 안녕하세요 and 감사합니다 cuz those will get you a longgggg way in life lol. Tell me why the ahjussi who was driving my taxi to the airport dropped my bag on the ground and he was shocked when I hit him with 괜찮아 and he was so amazed by me lmaooooooo. If you do know a good amount of Korean, they’ll be soooo happy to talk to you, and also they will not fuck around and try to practice their English on you like I’ve experienced in other countries where I’m speaking the native language semi-fluently and they hit me with “😒 will that be for here or to go” no no, they hear Korean and they start GOINGGGG. I went to the Valorant pop up in the airport over the summer, and I just walked up and said “안녕하세요” shyly and the guy was like 🤨 “you speak Korean?” “죽음, 네“ and bro started speed running the instructions and explanation in Korean. LIKE SLOW DOWN I SAID 죽음 FUCK MAN IDK WHERE WE’RE GOINGGGGGG. And all the other employees heard me speaking Korean so they went with it too and I had to stand there and be like 😀 Yes. Yea. I totally understand. (I did not understand about 75% of it).

Ok lol enough rambling from me. If you have any other questions or want more specific advice for something, lmk! 💚 I don’t mind yapping about it haha

[runfast-runfar]

Hey friends!! It's been a while!! I want to try and post on here more regularly because I genuinely miss this community of people so much! So here's to little life updates becoming a thing again :)

July 2024

I think I mentioned on here a few months back, but the startup I was working at for 2 years shut down in April and so I have been unemployed since then. Getting my next job has been rough.. but things are finally moving a bit more and I am getting more interviews and hopefully something will work out sooner rather than later.

Life hasn't been too exciting recently, mostly because of the lack of job and me being me, a huge introvert, my days haven't been filled with much. But to be honest, in many ways, that's been quite nice.

Last week I went to go see the movie Twisters and it was SO good!! I'm biased because I am in love with Glen Powell (and also low key in love with Daisy Edgar-Jones in a be BFFs with me please kinda way lol!) So that was a nice afternoon out!

I've been getting back into running after about a year and a half pretty much off from it. When I went to residential treatment last year for my ed I had to cut back on running and a few months prior to going there I had been running less just due to not doing well with food. So the past maybe month or so has been the first time going back to running consistently since close to 2022!? And I am so glad I took the time off I did and didn't force myself to do it otherwise I think it would have ruined the sport for me! But I love it and am so happy to have that escape/coping skill back. I will run and either listen to music or sometimes listen to an audiobook, and it's honestly my favorite way to decompress.

I usually end my run at some sort of shop lol, today was ending at the local farmers market and then walking home :)

I saw this pin there today too and tbh if I had an income I would have bought it lol

Since being unemployed I have been dog walking/and dog sitting pretty often which tbh if this could be my full time job, I would die happy haha! I walk this dog Finn every week (and spend probably 1-2 weekends every month or so staying at his house dogsitting) and it is always SUCH a highlight! He's got a super special place in my heart my Finny boy! For OG's who followed me years ago I used to dog walk/dog sit an Australian cattle mix pup named Finley who was my heart and soul! She passed in 2020, but I watched her for almost 6 years and there is something about dogs named Fin/Finn I think because these two pups have such incredibly special places in my heart!

Life has been good in some ways and incredibly hard in others since I've really last been on here. But that is life I guess, there's often good and bad intertwined.

I hope that you're all doing well!