#this is advice my mom gave me as a kid and it was so hard to believe but in my 30s? i get it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kooksbunnnn · 6 months ago

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Lost cause? 4: Can my happiness ever last?

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook× Female!Reader

Genre: Established relationship/ marriage, angst, heartbreak, makeout and kissing mentions, INFIDELITY. Panic attacks (TRIGGER WARNING). Pregnancy (do not read if this content triggers you) also, 18+, This is purely a work of FICTION please take it as FICTION only. Therapy and psychological conversations. Tears, guilt, regret and hope maybe?

Word counts: 10.1k approx

Summary: You always wondered, how would your life turn out to be if you and Jungkook had a baby? So, when you finally conceive and decide to tell your husband that you are pregnant, you didn't expect him to drop this bomb on you. You never would've thought that the surprise you planned would end up in agonized tears because of the shock your husband brings you.

Authors note: Hello, my lovely readers, or should I call you all my bunnnnys? It sounds cute to me hehe, its a cute little name for my kooksbunnnn family, the readers who wait for me, love me, and read the stories I write. Thank you for waiting so patiently, ily guys. Here's chapter 4, I got a little carried away with words, hence the 10k 👉👈 sorry for the long wait once again, enjoy the chapter now. Bye-bye!

Previous chapter

___________________________________________

Seriously breathe louder Ross

You giggle watching an Instagram reel of a scene from friends where a pregnant Rachel snaps at Ross, who was just standing as you put another grape into your mouth from the container Jungkook packed for you with washed grapes.

As you scroll through the comments on the mentioned reel, you can't help but read some of the comments,

Comment: Rachel has such pretty hair.

True. You always wanted to try her hairstyles.

Comment: people should appreciate how the writers gave every female character a different kind of motherhood and different experiences, and it’s beautiful how they portrayed every feeling. Also, I can't imagine how one of them had a miscarriage in real.

Miscarriage. This word itself makes your body shiver with fear, and you immediately feel your throat get heavy. You shake your head at this and scroll further, not wanting to cry for the 6th time on the same day.

Comment: Being pregnant is a magical experience, sure, but it's a whole ass rollercoaster of emotions, and you won't be ready for the amount of mood swings that come with it.

Yea, No shit.

Comment: I love how Rachel had a character development nobody ever expected.

Mhm. True.

Comment: Can’t believe how they ended up together even after Ross cheated on her.

That got personal, guess it was time to delete Instagram.

Month 6 and a half, day 188 since that night and you��re surprisingly alive. The night your heart got broken and you didn't think you would make it through 2 months of life.

More like, you didn't think you could make it alone, without Jungkook. Technically? Yes, you couldn't live without seeing him or hearing him for the start of your pregnancy and now he is always around you.

Always around. Helping you sit, eat, drink, lie, puke, pee, and all this while being at his respectable distance from you.

“Cut yourself some slack, you're growing someone inside you. It's okay to be dependent while you're going through so much..” that's what your mom said when you asked her about your future and if it was a mistake going through with this.

Looking back to her advice from weeks ago you feel like you are being a little hard on yourself. Therapy. Sonograms. Lamaze classes, doctor appointments, morning-afternoon-evening sickness, hormones, mood swings, and whatnot. You feel excited for your baby to come into the world but would it be wrong if you said you were scared?

When you asked these questions to the people around you these were the answers:

Mom: “Yes honey, of course, it’s okay to be scared. Your life will change, and sometimes you feel like you won't know what you’re doing, but trust me having kids is a tiring but very beautiful experience.”

Dad: “Sweetie, it's completely normal. Your mom used to freak out a lot as well when she had you. We’re here for you, it's all gonna be okay.

Namjoon’s wife, Binna: “I have seen my sister go through it and I am gonna be honest, it is difficult and the delivery is gonna be tough but the results make it all worth it. I am so excited to start my family one day, too!”

Jin’s wife: “It's a little nerve-wracking, to be honest, but it's the best thing Y/N, trust me I have never cried harder than when I saw that my test results were not accurate, I was heartbroken. Trust me, this is the best thing that would happen to you.”

Namjoon, Jin, and Jimin in different words but similar contexts: “I don't know much about how you're feeling right now so I can't say I understand but trust me, I’ll be by your side and our dumb little brother’s side always. We’re a family, Y/N.”

Hobi and Taehyung came together while you and Jungkook were having dinner: We have seen our sisters and relatives go through pregnancy, and it honestly looks so overwhelming. We respect women more every day. We’re here always, just one call away.” They had said with smiles on their faces.

Yoongi: “I am not good with words or comforting people, Y/N, but I just wanna assure you that I am always here. All of us will be there for you both. It's not gonna be easy for you, mentally or body-wise, but never feel alone. You’re our family and always will be, no matter what.” He said, patting you like you were a kid while Jungkook sniffled sitting by your side in your sitting area.

The most common advice everyone gave was: Be easy with yourself, mentally, emotionally, and physically. You’re going through a lot.

And it was true. You and Jungkook have been working on your relationship’s progress ever since your first session, and somehow it was going pretty well. You had dinner together and he made sure he attended the sonography sessions and therapy sessions with you.

You had regular sessions together and Ms. Shin recommended you both try talking about the future ahead. No definite planning, just talking about the options.

Wall paints, cradles, toys, shopping, diaper brands, baby food, everything you could see in the future around your baby. Since the biggest reason for fixing your relationship was because of your baby, you needed to familiarize yourself sitting around talking about the little person gluing you both together.

So you both decided to have dinner together daily and decided to make a pre-baby diary while eating. Yes, it was Jungkook’s idea. It's been 8 days since the last therapy session and you have already listed the paint options for the baby’s room, went maternity clothes shopping with your husband and browsed some cradle options.

All was well, right?

On the outside, yes. In your ovaries? No.

The lingering attraction you so badly tried to avoid for the past week is still lingering in the air around you. You roll your eyes as you feel embarrassment creep up your neck at how dumb you have been behaving around your husband.

You feel emotional, horny and everything at once. Absolutely mental.

♡♡♡

“I don't think I am normal anymore.”

The therapist watches you utter the sentence with a manic like chuckle. She must be thinking you're insane. You notice how her hand freezes for a mini second and then continues to pass you the glass filled with water.

“My question, however, Mrs Jeon, was how did your weekend shopping go, but you can still go on. Why would you think such a thought?” Your therapist calmly asks you after waiting for your response to her earlier question for a good minute.

You finally take the glass of water in her hand stretched towards you after muttering a low ‘thankyou’.

After what happened with you and Jungkook and his damn damp hair, you were freaking out. One moment you were feeling like you could cry out of embarrassment but the next moment you wanted to make out with him in the kitchen while he wore his white dress shirt and those grey joggers you always loved.

Okay. You know this is weird, hence the embarrassment. Duh?! Earlier you weren't able to control the urges you felt, the mood swings, the craving, and now?! This fucking arousal.

You made an appointment with your doctor as soon as you woke up the following morning, hoping she would prescribe some pills or any kind of medications to reduce the arousal you felt but it didn’t help you much because there was no way of completely avoiding that.

The doctor didn’t suggest you take the pills that might’ve helped you because you already had a lot of mood swings and anxiety episodes, those pills could’ve worsened them. She makes sense, a lot of sense but only when you thought about it with a cool head.

But at that moment, while she was telling you all that? It's just safe to say you can grit your anger in between your teeth.

Now you were sitting in front of your therapist hoping she would help you reverse the psychology or something which would help you not feel horny for your husband.

‘Your husband who betrayed you and was now trying to make up for what he did which you were okay with and hoping for everything to be better one fucking day ago but now you feel like you wanna kiss him so badly it makes you dizzy’

It was like a mantra, hecheatedhecheatedhecheated, so that you don't pull him in to kiss the shit out of his cute little face.

When you say the same things you thought, your therapist nodded her head noting something down in her notepad. Maybe she thought you were mental.

“Mrs Jeon, I would suggest you control your sexual urges towards your husband by trying to remove yourself from the room he’s in. Considering he doesn’t sleep with you, but if he does-“ but you cut her sentence in the middle by whispering quickly in his defense.

“No-no he doesn't, he sleeps outside in the lobby.” You shake your head not making eye contact, feeling somehow guilty of your husband's daily discomfort.

“And it's completely okay, Mrs. Jeon, to have your space and have some distance. It doesn't make you a bad person.”

Damn, she is good. You need to give her great ratings. You look up at her and watch as she nods her head with a small smile making you feel at ease.

“Did you talk about this issue with Mr. Jeon?” She asks you, and you shake your head slightly. Why do you feel guilty, and what do you feel guilty of most importantly? Nodding to your reaction, she says, “Would you like to discuss why?”

“Would that even change anything?” You say with a huff a second after she finishes her sentence, frustration evident on your face.

Shrugging she says, “It might make things clearer..” her eyes slowly crinkled due to her hair falling in her eyes. Flicking it away she looks at you slightly tilting her head. “Isn't this what you chose, Mrs Jeon? Being honest is what your relationship needs at this point, isn’t it?

Sighing you realize how you might be running away from things, after all, you chose this journey. You both did and somehow you feel you might be turning into an obstacle towards a better family life, yourself.

Turning your head towards the plant in the room’s corner, you speak with a distant voice, “I don't know, All that I have gathered from the problems I have had in my life is that I could win any kind of battle if it were against my mind but if it's my heart I am fighting against? It's a fucking lost cause.”

“What do you think is the reason you would be fighting your heart, Mrs jeon?”

You scoff whipping your head towards her, eyes glistening. Digging your nails before saying what you feel just on the tip of your tongue,

“I love him.”

There's a pause, followed by your therapist humming.

“I love him so much I wanna forgive him and try to make things better but..”

“But..?”

Another pause. A suffocating one.

“I can't seem to do that to myself or my kid. What kind of an example would I be if I give in to something that's not right?!” After you notice how your expressions change into a frustrated scowl in the tiny mirror behind your therapist's head you feel your tears start to fall off.

“I am sorry.” You say sniffling and somehow embarrassed of your feelings taking over you.

“It's okay, Mrs. Jeon, here..” she offered you the tissue kept on her desk, and you wiped your tears chuckling at your situation.

How did your life get to where it was? You have no absolute fucking clue.

♡♡♡

You wince minutely when you reminisce how your last session went with Ms. Shin.

One moment you were crying because you can't forget the night he told you that he cheated on you and one moment you cried because you wanna hug him and then cry into his chest about how your hormones wanted you to kiss him but you can't because then you would cry about how you shouldn't be feeling like this about someone who betrayed you, then again you cry because you can't forget how he betrayed you.

It's like a frustrating cycle. A cycle you wanna throw off of a freaking dam to let it drown and maybe rust when the water starts to break the metal. Maybe that would help break it because there was no way in hell you could succeed in breaking it.

Not to mention how you have to pee every minute of the day and then crave pickles with some honey on them while sitting on the toilet seat.

Sounds tasty, right? Yeah, you shake your head in a quick no too as soon as you step outside and think how pickles would rather taste better with peanut butter on it.

As you deal with your tears and the spasmodic hand stomping on the pillow or table around you to let go of the kissy-kissy thoughts in your head, your husband stays clueless.

Not clueless about the hormones, na-ah.

Just the fact that you stare at him before you slap your hand on the table, or thump down the cup on the table too harshly for anyone to not notice. He tried to ask you if you felt okay. But ended up getting yelled at for not leaving you alone.

You once yelled at him for leaving the windows open which you asked to be left open, saying he should’ve known better when to close them.

This looks cute in shows and movies of how cute the mother-to-be looks yelling at a clueless husband but you on the other hand feel bad for making him feel actually at fault when he has been trying his best to make you feel comfortable.

What does he do after getting yelled at? He apologizes, does what you asked or yelled at him to do, and leaves. He still comes back and eats the dinner your mother made with you and your dad helping her out.

You feel terrible for how you are behaving around him, the worst part being that he takes everything you do and say to him without even reacting ever so slightly. You tried living life with him normally but you can’t forget the thought that lingers in the back of your head; that the favorite part of living your life with him was the affection, the touches.

It's frustrating to say the least that you haven't even hugged him in the last few months, you know that there is a reason behind the distance but since your mind tells you to create boundaries and try things again, your heart doesn’t understand how someone could try to make things better from a distance. Especially you and Jungkook.

He did everything according to how you needed without you telling him. Your childhood therapist once told you no matter how perfect a person tried to be there are certain situations where you can’t control the things the universe decides for you. She said that when you were having trouble accepting that you were the reason one of your ex-best friends changed schools, stating that you made her feel insecure. You had no idea.

So you accepted your fate, then and now as well. Doing things as they go in the flow. You had a discussion with your parents about how you are supposed to be having dinner with Jungkook as advised by your therapist so your mom and dad eat their dinner by 7 o’clock as advised by their doctors while you accompany them by having your soup or tea.

They thought it was a good idea so you agreed to do it.

By 9 o’clock or quarter to 9 Jungkook enters and you have your dinner and the discussion you are supposed to have about the baby.

It has been 15 minutes since your mom and dad went to their room after insisting on sitting with you while you wait for Jungkook to be back. You have your phone in your hand which starts to buzz with Jungkook’s name on the screen with the bunny emoji.

Picking up with a smile you answer to his voice.

God, you missed him.

Yep, you said it.

Picking up he seems like he is on the way and is trying to get his phone back from someone. “Hyung give me my phone back, hold his hands Yoongi hyung, hey-!” yes he was snatching his phone back.

You can hear a bunch of yelling noises in the background and you recognize the screaming voice immediately, Jimin. You shake your head at the chaos and smile putting a grape in your mouth.

“Hey, Y/N I am sorry I am a little late, I just wanted to ask if it's okay with me to bring Jimin and Yoongi Hyung over to your parent's house we have a bit of a situation on our hands.”

“Yeah, of course, kook, it's okay. Is everything okay though?”

Silence.

“Hello?”

“What did you call me?”

Your eyes widen at how you didn't even realize how normal this felt to you. You haven't called him Kook ever since you cried in his car after your first therapy session, always walking on eggshells.

“Y/N?”

Courage. Squeezing your fist and eyes shut you say,

“I called you k-kook. Is that not okay?”

Your leg starts to shake not knowing what to say next.

“No! Fuck, I mean it's more than okay. You know what? Let's not talk about it I don't wanna jinx it.” You can hear him smile and you can't help but widen your smile. It has been so long since you smiled this wide and you somehow feel better.

You repeat the words in your head, Don't feel guilty Y/N, go with it. Go with the flow. Cut yourself some slack. You’re going through a lot, be easy on yourself.

You smile and hear him chuckle before-

“Oh, no hyung not in my car ugh, we’ll be there in 5 minutes Y/N, I’ll reheat the food when I get there don't worry. Yoongi Hyung push his head out the window please-” And he hangs up.

Smiling at the chaotic phone call, you get up to check on your mom and dad if they are still up, wanting to tell them about the guests coming over. But since they were soundly asleep with the nightlights on, you switch them off, regulate the fan's speed, and take the phone from your sleeping-snoring mom’s hand plugging it to the charger and checking if they had water around them.

After checking up on your parents you close the door to their room and walk towards the kitchen to drink some water. Even the small activities could make a pregnant lady tired and the jug in your room was empty so you walked slowly towards the fridge. The pain getting better but still evident in your lower back which makes you put a hand on your back while you open the refrigerator.

Suddenly you spot a Harley bike model Jungkook gifted your father when he came home to meet your parents for the first time. Your father was really happy seeing the model, him being a Harley fan. If age didn't play a role in life your father would've still been traveling with your mom like those couples you saw in uni.

You remember how you and Jungkook loved to travel on his bike, you holding onto him as if your life depended on it, hair flowing from under the helmet and him accelerating the bike through the streets, hills, and empty roads leading to the cabin the whole group planned to visit during his and Namjoon’s collective birthday celebration.

Damn, you were so in love. Still are, and will probably always be.

The group has always been there for you, they're like the family you never knew you needed until they came into your life. The chaos was a part of your life, the screams, the teasing, the weekend game nights, the celebrations, movie nights which turned into everybody and their girlfriends crashing in the lobby on the mattresses Jungkook bought for the night stays.

You remember what the situation was when you met him for the first time six years ago.

♡♡♡

“Damnit Tae, jump outta here.” You argue with Taehyung as the three of you look out the window of your room.

“Fuck no. Are you mental? I’ll die if I jump out of here.” Taehyung says whisper yelling at your roommate, Aera, who rolls her eyes at her dramatic “friend” panicking with wide eyes.

“No, you won't, don’t be dramatic.” You scoff as you push him slightly in the windows direction.

“It's a whole ass floor Y/N, the fuck is wrong with you?” He scowls at you as he regains balance panicking.

“Maybe we should call Jungkook.”

“Jungkook? Jeon Jungkook with that loud-ass bike? Nice. Sneaking a boy out of our room with the help of another boy. Fan-fucking-tastic, Taehyung.” You clap two times with a straight face.

“Guys,” your friend giggles as she tries to focus on the main topic in the room, while Taehyung goes back to sit on your roommate’s bed.

“I think he is right, Y/N, we could at least get help from JK.”

“Mhm, help in getting kicked out.” You mumble not so quietly earning yourself a middle finger from Taehyung and an eyeroll from Aera.

“Fine, do whatever you want.” You say rolling your eyes.

The thing was you were only partly nervous because of your forced eviction but also because you had never met Jungkook, the campus crush. More like the crush of every girl who saw him on his bike. You were not one of them, at least you wouldn't admit that but you wouldn't deny that he was a pretty face to look at and a very hot piece of ass to stare at. The proportions of that man were totally insane.

Tiny waist, big- biteable chest, broad shoulders, thick thighs, luscious hair locks, biceps people could hang on, the all-black outfit, and the very contrasting facial features. If he wore a helmet people wouldn't imagine how the guy had big doe boba eyes and a cute mole under his lips, skin better than half of the girls who spent so much on products. He always had that glint in his eyes making him seem so innocent, innocent but with a physique that can crush people.

You never talked to him so you don't know how he sounds or if he is a rude person. You just know he is Taehyung’s friend whom he hangs out with around the campus.

While you thought about how Jungkook might or might not be your crush, Taehyung called him and you all got up to sneak him out of the house.

“Wait you don't need to come if you don't want to Y/N,” Aera said after looking around the hallways and telling Taehyung to tiptoe downstairs since her aunt’s room was on the same floor as yours.

“H-Huh? N-no I wanna go as well. So that if she wakes up I can tell her we both went out to get some fresh air while the guys ran away y-you know? “

You said. Terrible at lying. You wanted to see the man coming to save his friend.

Your friend was in a hurry sneaking her fuck buddy out so she didn't pay attention to what you said and how you said it. A total stuttering mess.

Walking out of the house you never imagined him to be so..so..so tasty. Thats the only words that come to your mind. He parked his bike at a safe distance because of how much noise it made and approached you guys.

The image in your hand was like the 480p version of how beautiful and ethereal he was but in reality, he had tattoos. Tattoos! Not even a small one, a whole arm that stretched inside his white sleeveless tee.

You thanked the cloth gods for making this particular article of clothing because you needed to see how hot men you would want to eat up looked in it.

“Told you, you would need my help.” He smirks as Taehyung walks past him only turning around to come back and give Aera a quick kiss and then running away again, making her blush.

“Run dumbass, their landlord would skewer us on her cane,” Taehyung says and you chuckle at how exaggerated he made Aera’s aunt sound. At your chuckle, Jungkook looks at you and you pause mid-laugh when you notice him looking at you.

“Hi, I’m Jungkook.” He extends his hand towards you and you blush not knowing how to respond to his raspy voice.

“Yeah, I know you.” You say staring at him with heat on your cheeks and immediately kick yourself mentally.

You sound like a fucking creep. I know you? seriously?

He smiles, “..and you are..?

“Oh I’m so sorry, I didn't mean to be rude I’m Y/N, Hi heh.” You extend your hand to shake his and he whispers your name under his breath eyes still looking into yours.

“Hi Y/N, you’re very pretty.” While he rubs his thumb on your already heating skin making it burst into flames as he rubs it again.

“Kook!” Taehyung yells and you break the eye contact, taking your hand back.

“It's okay don't be sorry, I didn't find you rude rather, I found you cute.” He says as you look at him again. You think it was an imagination of your beauty-struck head or maybe it was due to dark but..did he just check you out?

You give him a confused look at what he said, making him chuckle. He sounds so deliciously hot and raspy. God.

“That you know who I am, considering how you’re always in the art studio. I found it cute.” He says with a smile leaning slightly towards your face and you lean back at the same time he leans in. He stays towering over you and maybe notices your expressions. You just hope he didn't notice how red your cheeks might be.

Does he know about the art studio? Only people close to you knew about it.

Seeing your wide eyes, he straightens up to his original height and chuckles. He sounds so good, it reaches inside you and you knew that you were fucked.

“Kook?” You didn't even notice when Taehyung came back to drag his friend back. Slapping his shoulder and then sprinting towards the bike again.

“Kook, let's go. She switched on some kind of light in her room oh god. She’ll beat your and my asses collectively.” Taehyung yells waving his friends over.

“Hey we’re gonna be in the beat party as well, Y/N lets go,” Aera speaks from the driveway of her aunt's house, slowly retrieving her steps.

But you were stuck. Stuck on how his bunny teeth played with the piercing on his lips. Not being able to bear eye contact with him, you flicked your eyes away.

When Taehyung yelled again from a distance, Jungkook responded with a ‘yea yea coming’ while stepping backward with his white sleeveless tee sticking to his body.

Generally, you didn't like summers but you were so glad it was hot enough that he decided to wear a sleeveless outfit, for you to ogle his tattoos.

Taehyung and Aera were already away from the both of you, Taehyung at a safer distance from the house and Aera still waiting for you at the house hoping her aunt just woke up for her nightly washroom trips and didn't see you guys with these beautiful men.

With a smile on his face, he stepped back facing you. Clicking his tongue twice to get your attention, you looked at him to immediately regret locking eyes with him. He winked at you and said, “See you around, sweetheart.”

You swear you saw his eyes flitting to your lips and then to your skirt that was flowing with the slight wind in the surroundings before he turned around and ran towards his panicking friend.

You knew he was casually flirting and was out of your league. And since you didn't believe your luck would suddenly turn out to be on your side you didn't think of his wink as something more than something casual.

But goddamnit, the crush you never admitted to, was finally admitted in your heart.

♡♡♡

You smile as you pick the model in your hand at the fond memories of how you tried so hard to remain just friends with the guy even though he hung out with you daily, accompanied you in your art studio confirming he knew about you before meeting you. You never knew your friendship could be more than what it was but maybe growing up and getting jobs made you want to prioritize yourself and your wants, so you decided to tell him how you felt but he beat you to it three days before you planned on confessing.

“Sorry sweetheart, wanted to kiss you as my girlfriend on Valentine's Day without the fear of rejection in the back of my brain.” That's what he said before he kissed the living daylights out of you on the gazebo at your favorite park.

You smile remembering how he took you to the park saying the cherry blossoms were blooming early that year, you believed him nodding with excitement and you went along with him running and holding hands. Reaching there you were sad that no blossoms were blooming but then he gave you the promise ring he ordered from the vintage store you loved so much. You knew it cost him a lot but when you asked him about it he just chuckled deeply avoiding that question and before you could pick that topic again he kneeled on one knee and asked you to be his girlfriend officially.

You smile at the memories and keep the bike model back on the shelf, the flashback coming to a halt as you come back to the living room when your phone buzzes with your husband's name on it.

He didn't ring the doorbell nowadays to be cautious in case your parents were asleep. So you went to the door and opened it already expecting Jimin leaning on Jungkook’s shoulders while Yoongi just snickered at his younger brother, seeming unconscious but Jimin was very much awake, also very very drunk as he clung to Yoongi telling him everything was going to be okay. Jungkook held three bags as he gave you a sheepish smile at his Hyungs’ behavior.

“Yes, Yes, Jimin. It's gonna be okay.” Yoongi held Jimin very firmly while giving you a small smile before asking where to put him so that he could blubber nonsense somewhere your neighbors wouldn't hear.

Jungkook chuckles and leads them to the guest room while muttering a ‘hi’, looking at you from head to toe as if checking if you had any injuries.

“Hi,” you whisper, enough for him to catch your voice.

��How was your day?” You ask trying to take the bags from his hand but he tilts his body giving you a look that says ‘Really?’.

Sighing with a smile, you close the door and follow him inside.

“It was good- Oh shit the guest room door is locked. Wait hyung let me get the key” he put the bags on the counter while a grunting Yoongi held a wobbly Jimin in his hands.

“Wow realized it so soon,” Yoongi says sarcastically l as Jimin looks at you with a smile on his face. Gasping dramatically, he removes himself from his brother's shoulders and comes towards you, slightly tilted, but he somehow reaches you.

“I can see your baby.” Your eyes widen at what he said and you scoff a laugh as Jimin kneels down in front of your belly.

“He means you’re showing, and he is noticing that now, only, he sounds creepy as fuck.” Yoongi walks back to the sofa and sits down with a long sigh.

“May I please?” He says as hovers his hands over your belly with big puppy eyes and you chuckle at how patiently he wants you to answer.

“Yes, Jimin you may.” You say with a laugh and he whispers to your tummy hovering his hand above it like it's a crystal ball.

“Hi tiny person, I am Jimin, your godfather..” he giggles at the end of his sentence while you hear Yoongi chuckle from the couch.

“The fuck? When did we decide that hyung?” Jungkook stands next to you with keys hanging from his fingers, narrowed gaze focused on his elder brother.

“Shhhhhh” Jimin shushes Jungkook loudly almost spitting on your belly. You laugh as he looks pointedly at Jungkook.

“You don’t get to decide that. Dumbass.” Jimin slurs out and tries to get up grabbing the trousers Jungkook wore, almost making him fall over with his weight.

“Hyung, fuck you’re heavy when drunk.”

“I fucking know right? I don’t know how that happens..” Yoongi mumbles typing something on his phone, stretching his neck sideways to pop the strained muscle.

Jungkook stumbles while you also try to help him balance Jimin by bending slightly to keep a hand on his shoulders, but then you remove it as Jungkook whispers ‘I got him I got him’ assuringly not wanting you to take any strain.

Smiling to yourself you walk over to the couch adjacent to where Yoongi was sitting, asking if he needed water or anything like that.

“Nah I’m good. Thanks.” He waves his hand as he keeps his phone aside watching how Jungkook manages to drag Jimin back.

“...You’ll look good in a tutu as well..” Jimin says to Jungkook poking a finger to his sides continuously. “You know a white one with stars on it, I’ll gift it to the baby so that you can match your outfits then” Jungkook rolls his eyes in annoyance as Jimin’s voice fades into the guest room Jungkook opens for him to sleep in.

“Let me go check up on him yeah?” Yoongi says softly getting up from the couch, picking up a banana on the way to the guest room. Raising one of his brows and the fruit in the air as if asking for permission to eat it. You tilt your head with narrowed eyes passing on the message, ‘You have to ask?’

He smiles slightly shrugging and heads towards the guest room while pealing the banana.

“Jungkook, is he under control now or still wobbly- oh, fuck no-“ Yoongi asks from outside of the room but then pauses in his tracks as you hear Jungkook whine slightly out of disgust and you immediately get up feeling a slight ache in your lower back due to the hurry.

“Is everything okay?” You ask concern evident in your eyes.

Yoongi chuckles and moves away from the door, shaking his head. “Not gonna eat this now, sorry, Y/N.” He says, still laughing.

“Oh no did he-“Before you could say something Jungkook stomps his way out of the guest room and you immediately feel nausea entering you seeing your husband's sleeve covered in vomit.

“Hyung could you please help me heat the food? I’m gonna go take a shower, sorry hyungie just please-“ he continues walking towards the common bathroom at the end of the hall.

“Sure” Yoongi chuckles moving towards the fridge.

“I’ll help you..” you take a step towards the crockery cupboard.

“No, I’m fine. I’ll do it, you sit.” He says pausing you midway.

“No Yoongi lemme help..” you say but he just points the small spoon towards the island chair.

“It's okay Y/N I’ll do it.” He says nodding while opening the Tupperware filled with the various side dishes and the tofu-miso stew.

“I just don't wanna trouble you Yoongi, thanks though.” You say giving up on offering help as he heats the food one by one in the microwave.

“Oh it's not for free, I am taking the godfather’s title in exchange for this.” He smirks glancing at the room Jimin slept in.

“Yeah okay, try beating Jimin for the title. You chuckle looking in the same direction for a second and then at the man heating up the food. While he just gives you a small laugh while warming up the rice in the cooker, mumbling, “We’ll see who wins.”

You smile and pat your feet on the ground in a rhythm as Yoongi places the food on the kitchen island. You feel guilty for making him do this but he has already rejected your help three times so there was no point in arguing over it.

“Y/N?” Yoongi whispers looking at a plate in his hand.

“Yea?”

“I know it's none of my business and I should not even say something about this but can I just say it's really nice that you’re trying again?” He says lifting his head to look at your reaction to what he said.

You feel yourself freeze, this is the first time you had a conversation about your situation with Jungkook, the cheating, and the decision to try again. You sure talked about the pregnancy and yes there was always that lingering awkwardness in the air but this was new.

“Yea..” you sigh looking at your lap for a second and then lifting your head to give him a soft smile.

“Not everyone is lucky enough to get a chance to revive their relationship.” He says still looking at the plate while tracing the pattern on it with his index finger.

You know that his relationship ended badly, you knew how much he loved his girlfriend, you know he acts like it's okay but his dark circles tell another story, you know he looks thin and exhausted all the time but acts like it's nothing.

You know it's not nothing.

“Yoongi, I am sorry about-“But before you could finish your sentence he laughs almost in pain.

“It's okay Y/N, it's done, she is gone. She is happy without me and I can't change that.” He says and you feel your heart break at how small he sounds.

“It sucks but it's true.” He says softly, half to you half to himself, still trying to process his grief over the relationship he lost. After an uncomfortable pause, he continues.

“I saw him Y/N,” he points his chin in the direction of the washroom Jungkook was taking a shower in when you look at him confused at the change of topic.

“..and don't think I am taking his side 'cause he is like a brother to me but I say this honestly, he was devastated while he was away from you.” You just stare at him with eyes round and wide not expecting this conversation to go this way.

“He forgot to eat and sleep, just kept asking Jin Hyung and me if we saw you or if any other of guys saw you.” He says while you look at him nervously talking about the topic, picking his nails.

“Do you remember the time you were at the hospital due to your abdominal pain?” You nod at his question feeling your throat tighten up uncomfortably so you divert your gaze down at the plate with little blue flowers printed on the ceramic.

“He ran to the hospital since his car was still parked at your previous address.” Your eyes widen and you whip your head toward the man standing in front of you.

What does he mean he ran?

“What?” You whisper.

“Taehyung had a night shift and he was alone at the apartment. I tried to tell him to wait for me to pick him up when he called to ask if Taehyung left office or not, but he just hung up saying it would take too long.”

“So he ran to you.” You feel your throat tighten as humanly possible, eyes burning.

Wasn’t Taehyung’s house almost double times the way compared to your route connecting your house to the hospital? You can't even comprehend how he felt when you didn't even talk to him that day.

Shouldn’t you feel like he deserved to feel like that? Shouldn't you say that he did that to himself? That was what you should've said right? But your heart thumps harder every second making your eyes spill the tears gathering in them.

You remember Jungkook was really out of breath and was also wearing different slippers that day.

“Since it was pretty late, he couldn't even book a cab quickly..” Yoongi looks at you and notices how your gaze is zeroed onto him and immediately understands your expressions.

“Hey, I am not trying to make you feel bad or something like that, what he did and what you guys decided is totally none of my business but I just wanted to tell you that giving a second chance is not easy and I really wish things work out for your relationship. I really appreciate you both working through so much stress you know? I can see what his vision meant when he wanted to quit last month.”

“What?” You whisper

“No no, he doesn't want to quit now, I mean after what you both decided Namjoon talked to Mr. Park and handled it..” when Yoongi doesn’t see you respond to whatever he said he realizes that you look lost.

“You don't know, do you?”

“Don't know what?” You whisper again, heart racing. Why do you feel you're not gonna like what he is gonna say?

There is a pause, a very uncomfortable pause. He visibly scans your face and inhales sharply as if deciding against or in favor of telling you about the whole situation.

You clench your pajama pants into your fists as your hand rests on your lap. The kitchen felt stuffy all of a sudden. This might seem like an overreaction but your body feels defensive all of a sudden, deciding between running away or ripping the bandaid off.

Deciding on the latter you ask,

“Yoongi, please tell me?” You request softly and at your almost inaudible request, Yoongi sighs, giving up. He shuts his eyes for a second and then looks up smiling sadly at you.

You hold your breath.

“Um, he was promoted to be the next VP of the agency, and uh..” he rubs the back of his neck looking away, avoiding the eye contact with you.

“And he rejected it?” You whisper and Yoongi nods, still not looking at you.

“The job required him to give more time into his job, more hours away from home. From you and her.” He looks at you and then points his chin in your tummy’s direction.

“So when they told him the details about the hours and the business trips, he immediately refused. Since he was the most eligible person for the job, the CEO, Mr Park..” he says,

“Mr. Park.” You say at the same time nodding.

“Yes, Mr. Park tried convincing him saying he’ll adjust according to your due date and whatever changes Kook would want to his schedule but this kid..” Yoongi chuckles shaking his head, “..rejected it, saying if he had to quit the job he would do it but he would not add onto whatever hours he was working.”

“Then suddenly..” Yoongi picks up a tangerine from the fruit bowl and starts peeling it.

“He came up with an idea of actually quitting in order to give more time to you and your child, so when Namjoon said and I quote, ‘Y/N is gonna kill you if you do that, she knows how much you worked for this’ Jungkook said that you both decided mutually that rejecting the promotion was okay and you were okay with whatever he decided about his job. Which…looking at you right now doesn't seem like it.” Yoongi looks at you with a hesitant expression, offering you the peeled fruit.

You feel your ears heat up and not out of good reason, you are actually mad at him. You were hearing all of this for the first time and you can't believe he backed off from the job he got offered after working so hard. The reason he used to work his ass off, extra time, no holidays, always punctual, not caring about his meals and whatnot, and then just fucking backed off?

"When was this?" You say gritting your teeth, eyes glistening with angry tears, eyes still on Yoongi.

You take the piece of fruit from his hand and shove it in your mouth, eyes red with tears in them.

“Y/N..”

“Why didn't he tell me? And wait a minute he said it was a mutual decision?! What the hell?”

“Y/N, he must have had a reason for saying so, he did explain the reasons and it sounded like he gave it a lot of thought. “

“Don’t you mean WE gave it a lot of thought? hah.” You say chuckling bitterly, swallowing the fruit, your hand going through your hair in frustration as you face the direction where your husband showers unaware of the angry volcano on the other side of the bathroom door.

“What the hell is wrong with him?!” You almost scream but lower your voice remembering your parents are asleep, immediately looking around warily and Yoongi does the same, with similar expressions on his face.

“Sorry, I just feel so mad right now.” You say squeezing your eyes shut, speaking through your teeth.

“I guess you should talk to him,” he says looking at you softly.

“You’re damn right I will-“ you say

“But not now, privately, okay?”

You look at him breathing heavily, cheeks wet with tears, his eyes pleading to not lose your calm immediately. You look at his anger and countless emotions swirling in your mind, nose flaring.

“Ah, okay fine.” You say throwing your hands in frustration, coming back to wipe the tears off your cheeks.

The next few minutes Yoongi tried not to talk about anything and you just swirled your spoon in the spoon Yoongi served for you. He constantly made sure you were sipping the soup, giving you water, and peeling another tangerine for you.

He almost sighed in relief when the bathroom door clicked open and Jungkook came out of the washroom. The steam rushed out of the white-tiled space along with a drippy Jungkook and a goddamned towel around his waist.

You feel madder now. Is that even a word? You don't care because that's how you feel. Madder.

Remember when you said how your emotions were on a roll these days? Yea. It was an understatement because the moment you saw your husband with that damned towel hanging low on his hips your anger turned into angry horniness, you wished, only for a second, but wished Yoongi wasn't here so that you could straddle the half-naked guy and ask him about the stupid decision he made.

Although Jungkook had immediately rushed into the room to get some clothes on him it was enough to make your ovaries light up on fire. You're mad and horny, two things that don't go well for you. Especially not in this state.

"Hey guys I am sorry, I had to wash off all that puke stench. Why didn't you guys start eating yet?"

"I don't know maybe you took very long to shower." You snap at your husband and he freezes in his tracks to get the plate.

"Y/N, I was there for only 10 mins."

“I don't know, felt like 10 years."aAt your tone Jungkook looks at you concerned and then at Yoongi who watches awkwardly, the whole scene unfolding in front of him.

"Guys you know what I think I am gonna head home, I have eaten with Jimin earlier and need sleep."

“No- yoongi eat please-“ you request feeling guilty for making him awkward.

“Yes hyung, please finish your dinner.” Jungkook says, looking at his hyung but then flicking his gaze back at you.

“No no its really okay.” Yoongi says, already walking away from the island.

"Okay, hyung." He says after a second his eyes wandering back to you observing your sour mood. Eyebrows furrowed with thought while you just chewed on the rice mixed with the curry not looking at Jungkook after waving to Yoongi.

Yoongi walks towards the doorway with slow steps, the footsteps echoing along with the tinkled spoon made inside the curry bowl. He grabs the keys and walks towards the two of you, giving you a nod and patting Jungkook’s back.

"Take care Y/N and you too, kook." He stares two seconds longer at the younger male and then nods at him. Jungkook gets up halfway to which Yoongi waves in a signal for Jungkook to not bother seeing him off.

The door clicks shut leaving you and Jungkook in silence.

"Y/N wha-"

"Eat, Jungkook."

At your stern tone, Jungkook flinches and just resumes eating in silence. Silence for almost 10 minutes. 10 slow and irritating minutes. It was like the clock ticked 10 seconds forward and then 40 seconds backward. The silence added to the awkwardness you both felt, making the time more unbearable.

Again, did you mention slow?

All the thoughts come back to your mind, every emotion holding your neck in a chokehold, everything that you’ve felt since the day started comes back. The conversation with your mom about how she asked you if you wanted to move back in with ever, you thought your mom wanted you to leave so you cried. All the emotions you felt then catching up to you.

The thoughts of being alone with him made you happy and cry at the same time in the afternoon while you finished working on the report your seniors asked you to finish before your leave started. You feel all the emotions you felt while rewatching the notebook in the evening before dinner. You feel all the emotions at once, those emotions which you felt when Jungkook called you from his car and, also when he called you from his office to check if you had your medicine.

The emotions of frustration and anger when Yoongi told you about the job offer and how your husband rejected it. The thoughts about something bad happening to your child come back and make your head dizzy. It's too much at the same time. You're happy that he is eating his food in silence because if he did say anything before you finish, you might actually run to the bathroom to vomit all of your emotions.

After minutes of frustration and anger and sadness and silence, you finally got up and almost threw the plate in the sink, Jungkook tried to get your plate but you just brushed past him huffing finally making Jungkook ask you the question you didn't want to hear and hear at the same time.

You wanted to talk to him about the whole thing and didn't at the same time. You were on an emotional rollercoaster, and Jungkook was gonna be the bird that hit the coaster blades, getting hurt.

"Y/N did I do something wrong?"

"Oh, do you do anything right these days Jungkook? I don't think so." You chuckle throwing the glass of water into the sink thankfully not breaking it.

Turning towards your husband, you immediately regret saying what you said because he just looks like a kicked puppy. Big eyes filled with gloss, nose red, and wobbly chin. His features make you feel like the worst human being on this planet.

"Y/N, I am sorry for whatever it is but can you tell me what's wrong?" He whispers looking- no, pleading with his eyes as you stand like a wall in front of him.

"You tell me, did you do anything to make me feel stupid and pathetic recently?" You say pointedly. Venom. Pure venom.

"Baby.."

"Don’t. Don't call me that." You say firmly.

"Shit- I am sorry Y/N please tell me what happened..wait-" You push yourself away from the counter instantly feeling the pain in your lower back.

“Bab- Y/N wait.” He rushes to your side holding one of your hands and one holding your waist, giving you support but somehow his touch stings, in the best way. You hate your mind and heart. You just hate it.

“No, I can walk myself I am not a toddler.” He doesn't let go of your hand even though you tell him to, he helps you walk towards your room. You try to tell him that you can walk alone but he doesn't listen instead he just hums or mutters 'I know' and it infuriates you more.

Why isn’t he saying anything? You’re literally acting like a spoiled kid right now.

Opening the door he walks you inside the room and helps you sit on the bed. As you take heavy breaths placing a hand on your chest you feel how rapidly your heart raced.

Removing the lid of the glass sitting on your nightstand, he helps you sip some of the liquid. You feel tears in your eyes and when he removes the glass from your lips he just smiles sadly at you and wipes the tears from your face with his thumb.

Leaning into his touch you say, "Why are you okay with me being like this to you?"

Okay, that's a dumb question ask Jeon Y/N, you're mad at him but just looking at him you feel like you are treating him like shit for something he doesn't deserve. Of course, he cheated on you, of course, you want to not love him because of that, and of course, your heart aches when you think of the betrayal but can you ever unlove him? Can you ever hurt him knowing you're gonna hurt him and not feel bad? Can you ever just look at him and feel nothing for him? Can you ever not love him?

Your head feels buzzed and when he speaks and your anger explodes.

"I deserve it, baby." You scrunch his t-shirt in your hand and pull him towards you, making him almost fall on you but he regains his balance by placing one of his hands on the comforter. With wide eyes, he just stares at you and the way your eyes brim with fresh tears. He tilts his head as if feeling guilty for the tears but you don't let him say anything.

"Why?" At this he looks at you confused.

The other tattooed hand finds its way on top of your wrist holding his t-shirt and you feel your sanity fly away for a second but at his confused expression, you feel your anger come back.

"Y/N what-" he sputters with big eyes

"Why did you reject the job offer?" you finally say.

Pin. Drop. Silence.

"What?" he breathes out.

"You think you can make that big of a decision by yourself? " you say sniffling.

"How did you-"

"How did I know? How about, why didn't I know?" You raise your voice slightly, and he shuts the door so that your parents don't get their sleep interrupted, tilting slightly towards the entrance, your bed not being that far from the door.

"Y/N I am sorr-" you cut him off mid sentence.

"Sorry? How many things are gonna be okay just because you apologize Jungkook?! It was your dream, you worked so hard for it.." you say feeling tears spill out of your eyes and when he just looks down at your lap with his lips twisted in a straight line guiltily, you can't help but yell at him a bit, "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

You didn't realize when your hand shifted from the t-shirt's neckline to his neck. You realize that only when his eyes shut for a second at the feeling of your hands on his face, the other hand coming to sit on top of the comforter on the other side of your body. Holding onto his face you asked him the question with big teary eyes, wet cheeks, and a wobbly chin.

"Tell me, kook?"

Sighing he answers, "Baby, they wanted me to go away."

"Don't lie to me, Jungkook, please. Yoongi told me they were ready to fix the schedule according to you -"

"And you think they were gonna do that for me forever?" He asks.

"Why did you say that I agreed then? Why did you lie? Why didn't you come talk to me? Do you think I wouldn't have understood or that you think it's not important for me to know?"

"Would you have let me quit if I wanted to?" He asked instantly.

You pause. Dammit.

"You see? That's why I didn't tell you. You're already handling so many responsibilities, I didn't wanna worry you more." He says, eyes turning soft.

You look at him. Eyes looking at him trying to find dishonesty, the thing was, Jungkook doesn't lie. Even after he did what he did, he came out to you truthfully. It hurt but you're where you are because he was honest. It's the bare minimum, honesty, but its rare. At least in your experience. But not with Jungkook. He can't lie.

"They were willing to change my schedule for me only until she is born.." he says looking at your tummy and then lifting his eyes to look at you.

"..I can't risk being away from you again. It might sound like I am lying but Y/N, baby, I don't wanna be away from you even for a single second. I wanna prove myself to be worthy of a second chance. I wanna be worthy of you and her. I can’t imagine my life even for a second without you or her. You can push me all you want, you can yell at me all you want but don't tell me that I should've chosen a job and not my family. I know I don’t have an answer for why I did what.." he pauses gulps and continues.

"...I did, I myself don't know why I did it, and trust me if I could turn back the time I would. But baby..." he puts his hand on yours that is resting on his cheek waiting for a second, barely visible, but he waits for some kind of negative reaction to him touching you. When he senses none, he continues,

"...I love you, and I will love you for my whole life, I will love you and my family until I breathe. I am so sorry for fucking things up but I want to fix them, I can fix them, we will fix it. Just don't please.." he squeezes his eyes shut slightly squeezing your hand as well.

"... don't ask me to go away from you. I can't live away from you. I would quit my job if that's what it takes to be with my family, to take care of my family, to take care of you, and to take care of us. Please tell me I can be with you, can you please tell me you don’t want me to go away? Pleas- “

You tell him exactly that, but not verbally because wasn’t it ironic how he feels sorry for not knowing why he did what he did when you don't even think of any second thoughts before you do what you do, without knowing why.

Lips crashing on his, you shut him up with an answer you feel him absorbing inside him. He freezes when you kiss him, his breath stuttering when you move your lips against him. You squeeze his t-shirt in desperate need, and you feel him flutter his eyelids against your cheekbones, your tears mixing with his, and he kisses you back.

Does it last? Does your happiness last? No.

As soon as he moves his lips, you hear him sniffle and break the kiss. His eyes are still red, and his cheeks are slightly wet as well. He sniffles again, but the only sound you can hear is your heartbreaking because he moves away.

Away from the bed. Away from the comforter. Away from the kiss. Away from you.

He gets up and takes a step back, shaking his head, eyes squeezed shut. He curses under his breath as if regaining his composure while you just stare at the space where he was sitting earlier.

“I- I am sorry, Y/N. I shouldn't, I can't. I am really sorry, I shouldn't. I just shouldn't. I am sorry.”

And he leaves the room, shutting the door, not completely but leaving it slightly ajar. It's just like he does always. You hear the kitchen tap opening. He probably is doing the dishes. You hear everything from outside the door, but you feel like there's radio silence in your room.

A low beep-like sound ringing in your ears, embarrassment? Hurt? Love? Anger? Betrayal? Pain? Need? Desire? You feel so much at once, and you don't know what to do with it. This is getting so much more fucked and somehow you both find new ways to make this way tougher than anyone can imagine.

After some time, you hear the lights outside click off, and you can't help but wish he came to you. He does, but only to keep a fresh glass of water on the nightstand. He wishes you good night in a whisper, glancing once at your face and then,

...leaves.

Well, shit.

___________________________________________

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ronearoundblindly · 8 months ago

Note

Ari- Baby is sick for the first time

Ari Levinson x best friend!reader (now fiancé)

New Parent Panic, a Bedrock and Blueprints tale

Warnings for protective!Ari, Ari not communicating, you doing the same, and then everyone gets their shit together and it's fluff. WC 2k *Off in the distance an ol' timey man pops up: "An argument, you say? You wrote an argument?? How different from your usual!!" Ha-ha. Yeah. We get it. Ro's the same hoe as last year... **I am not a mother. I know what would reasonably be categorized as zilch about babies. I have, however, seen this overwhelmed and guilty behavior from several of my peeps as they raise their youngins, so that's good enough for me. You're doing fine. I promise.

Sure, there was the rather severe diaper rash incident, and the time when nursing her turned your nipples into raw portals for a newly-discovered circle of hell, but nothing could have prepared you for this day.

Rachel was...meh this morning when Ari left for work. A little whiny, not sleeping well, but she's an infant; that's not new. Overall, she's actually been a very straight-forward baby.

And then you don't know what happened.

You napped very hard until noon (after only a moderately successful feeding) and by then Rach had a fever.

You called the nurses' hotline. You gave her the dose of baby meds. You're trying to keep her hydrated, at least, if she can't be happy right now. You just have to stay vigilant and wait it out.

But that's not easy.

She's crying and won't sleep, she'll barely eat, and you don't have a separate car. You only want to call Ari if it's to say "we need to take her to a doctor." You're not there yet.

So you do the shittiest feeling thing you can think of, the most painful thing, and you wait.

You don't sleep. You barely eat. You take Rachel's temperature like you are monitoring the possible meltdown of a nuclear reactor. One wiggle of a degree in the wrong direction, and that Bat Signal is going on.

I can do this, you tell yourself. I've wanted to be a mom for a long time, so I can do this.

Except you don't sleep and barely eat.

Ari arrives home precisely when he said he would, the exact number of minutes (after work shuts down for the day) that it takes to drive to the house, predictable, dependable, and utterly useless when he opens the door and asks "why is she crying?"

"Because she hates me," you blubber, holding her to your chest, arms cramped from cradling her for so many hours at this point.

"She need meds?"

Of course, I gave her the fucking meds.

"Hungry?"

No, asshole, I purposefully starved your fucking child for my own amusement.

"Calm down," Ari snips back. "I'm just trying to help."

Well then fucking help me!

By now, you likely look as if you're in a war zone: disheveled, manic, and possibly--definitely--hostile.

"Okay, okay, let me just take a piss and then I'll hold her."

"Yeah, of course. Whatever you want. Whatever you need." You turn your back to him before grumbling, "not like I haven't had to hold it all afternoon..."

Ari's still-booted feet land heavily beside you again. "Then I'll take her now," he grits through clenched teeth, "and you can use the bathroom."

"No. I already have her."

"Fine. I'll be right back."

"Take your time."

The way you lace the words with a sickly sweet melody has Ari spinning on a heel and staring at you through his long eyelashes, a tick in his jaw stopping him from saying something he might regret.

"Kid," he finally sighs, "just tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it."

He runs a hand over his beard while he waits for your answer. A few seconds later, his hip juts out, arms akimbo, and he bites his bottom lip expectantly.

You just walk off toward your phone on the kitchen counter and call the nurse hotline back.

"I swear, woman," he mutters as you leave, but you're glad he can't hear you sniffle back a sob.

It should be reassuring that the nurse has no new advice for what to do. You're doing everything correctly. You're doing all you can. Don't worry. Keep checking her temp and giving her whatever fluids she'll take. That's all for now.

It doesn't feel like enough. It doesn't feel like all a mother can do.

Ari? Ari waltzes up to the fridge and cracks himself open a beer.

You don't even have words, only flaming hot vibes that will melt his face like a Spielberg movie--you have got to stop watching movie marathons during late-night breast-feeding--if you stare hard enough at his casual blue gaze.

"So," he begins, "you figure out what I gotta do?"

What had been steady whimpering from Rachel has amplified into wails that bring tears to both hers and your eyes.

They just fall down your cheeks, and you wipe them from your chin before they can fall onto your screaming child.

Ari's judging frown makes your stomach turn while he steps closer, bends at the knees, and takes his little girl in hand.

Less than a minute later, Rachel stops, and you just cannot fucking handle it. The only quiet moment you've had in six and a half hours he gets to enjoy moments after coming home.

That's not fair. Cure fucking cancer already, Levinson, and save us the goddamn grief!

The tears and the tired are choking you.

Ari tells you to go freshen up in the bathroom, but that is the most horribly wrong way to say anything to you, ever, in a moment like this.

You stomp out the front door, rip open the sliding back door of the SUV, and crawl onto the cab floor. Once the latch clicks behind you, face buried in the blanket kept on Rachel's car seat, you scream.

You whimper and you cry and you get your fucking time to be angry at all your feelings today because it's bullshit.

You didn't take your own temperature. You didn't get rest and drink plenty of fluids. You didn't take any medicine. All you keep going over in your mind is whether or not you were sick first. Did you have something you gave to your daughter? Is this your fault?

So the tears and the choking continue for...as long as they take.

You don't know how much time has passed before the car door is yanked open again. Thank the stars you are facing away. You can't look at Ari right now.

"Is she okay?" you ask with a watery voice.

His big, warm hand rubs across your back, making you sink further into the upholstery.

"Took a few ounces of a bottle and went down in her bunk."

Ari likes to call Rachel a part of his 'squad,' so he talks to your infant daughter like they're going on 'missions' to the store or getting a bottle from the 'mess.' Your bedroom has thus become the 'barracks.'

Sometimes, he holds her sitting up against his chest and uses her feet to 'march' the pair of them across the house.

Left. Left. Left right left.

And almost always, there's a giggle, too.

"Up you go, kid," Ari huffs, maneuvering you into his arms.

"No," you whine, so tired you can't tell what it is you don't want.

He just keeps saying, "I know. I know," until he's carried you inside.

Instead of taking you to the couch or the bed, Ari sits you both down in the front hall, balancing you on his lap while he loosens his boot laces and finally kicks the sturdy shoes off, placing them on the mat a couple feet away.

He presses his lips to your temple, rough beard gently scrubbing over your eyelid and cheek.

"How many times I gotta tell ya to call me?" he whispers. He doesn't expect to have this same argument again, not like this, but his point still stands. "You know, you're warm, too."

If it's another question, you don't answer that either. You change the subject.

"Did you take her temp?"

He nods, and the number he tells you is the same as it was thirty minutes ago, or rather, thirty minutes before he came home.

Ari squeezes you tighter. "You want to get into bed, and I'll bring your some juice and meds, huh? Meet you in there?"

"I'm a bad mom," you breathe.

"What?" He pulls away, smacking his head on the wall behind him. "What are you talking about?"

How are there more tears left in your body? You should be nothing but a shriveled husk at this rate.

"Bullshit," he practically seethes. "Don't you ever say that again."

"I shouldn't have--"

"Stop."

"--you were--"

"Stop it," he blurts, firm and serious.

"But I'm the one who wanted this, Ari!" Your most powerful voice only comes out as high whisper. "Me. I wanted kids. This whole time. I bitched about how Joanna's done, and I thought I could just--" you swing an arm out dramatically "--and I suck at it. Rach even likes you better!"

"No, kid. She was exhausted. I only got here at the right time."

"It's 'cause your comfy and you smell good--"

"--not sure about that--"

"--and she loves you," you bemoan.

Ari snorts out a laugh.

"She loves you, too. You're her mom." He tucks you in closer, soothing you with petting hands wherever he can reach. "I love you. So much. So, so much."

He finds your hand and the sapphire ring he put on it, spinning it gently on your finger. He hasn't gotten to make good on his promise. Planning a wedding, even a small one, with a newborn is almost impossible, but that seems to be part of the problem.

Anything to do with you or you two feels selfish when there's three. Guilt grips you when you stop to daydream about your big day because it's not about Rachel. She's the most important thing. She will trump you forever as the single most--

"Can I tell you a secret?" Ari's timbre rattles close to your ear. "You're my favorite."

You slump into his chest until your forehead braces his throat.

"Almost not fair, really," he drawls. "You've got a decade of brownie points, and she's managed to make me buy more pads for her than I've had to for y--"

You pinch at his side harshly, biting back a smile, the salt from dried tears on your lips flooding your mouth.

"Oh! And you can control your bladder for a whole day, which is downright impressive wh--hey now--" Ari scuttles on the floor to evade your attack on his ribs. "I'm just...being...honest," he chuckles.

"You're a jerk is what you are, old man."

He easily grabs both your arms and pins them together in front of him.

"Yeah, but I'm your jerk. Your old man, kid. I'm yours, okay? You are not alone here. You don't have to know how to do everything by yourself." He lowers his voice as well as his face to yours. "And you mean just as much to me as that little girl in there. You hear me?"

There's a different lump of emotion lodged deep in your chest. You only nod because you can't speak.

He makes your foreheads meet.

"Please be okay. I could never do this without you. Any of it..."

That's when you realize what bothers you so much: Ari should need you to raise Rachel, but you never truly acknowledged you might need him to raise her, too.

This enormous weight of clutching every thread of life in your own two hands isn't real. You can share. You are meant to share your life with Ari. Ari is meant to share his life with you. Rachel shares life with you both, as she is meant to share with everyone around her. It's a lesson she has the opportunity to learn a lot younger than you, apparently.

He gets you to drink a whole bottle of water. He brings you some food and medicine while he handles some laundry and cleans out the day's bottles. He leads you with both hands to the bathroom, finally, and then gets you settled in bed.

As you fall asleep, you watch Ari take Rach's temperature again.

He lets out a silent cheer and holds his hand over her.

"High five?" he whispers. "No? It's fine. We'll work on that."

The last thing you see is Ari playfully lifting her from the basinet, sneaking out to the living room to enjoy a movie marathon, just for a little bit, snuggling together while he winds down for the night.

All that matters is she's safe and happy.

That, and of course, waking up in Ari's arms, listening to his slow breathing and Rachel's faster, baby huffs. You can handle anything because you made it through today and you have them.

[Ari's POV for this day]

[Main Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

@supraveng @1950schick @patzammit @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @yiiiikesmish @ashesofblackroses @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @brandycranby @buckysprettybaby @ellethespaceunicorn @late-to-the-party-81 @rogersbarber @yenzys-lucky-charm

#bedrock and blueprints #ro answers #ari levinson fanfiction #ari levinson x reader #ari levinson x you #ari levinson x female reader #ari levinson angst #ari levinson fluff

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abbysimsfun · 25 days ago

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Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 84 (Checking In On the Clinic - and Another Baby Boom??)

cw: it's not a Conther baby I'll just say that right now. Sorry!

On top of her responsibilities to her family, Heather worked hard to keep Buttercup Pet Clinic's great reputation, but life at work was rarely easy.

She'd recently noticed a dip in her ratings and was tech-savvy enough to realize she'd been targeted. She traced the IPs to an address connected to George Brindleton's old company and gave the evidence to Conrad.

"He's trying to hurt my business because he's still sore over losing his, but as long as he's not going after the kids, I can take whatever he wants to throw at me. My clients know how good we are."

Conrad remembered his threat to sniff around Brindleton & Sons old financial files, but with this evidence he had cause for something better. "We're filing a restraining order," he insisted. "For you and the kids, because next time he might try to do more than hire a bot farm to drag your reviews down. But if I have to stay away from him, too, I can't look into his finances, if it comes to it."

"Is a restraining order really necessary? What if it makes him more upset? I'll always let you know if I hear from him again, but I'd love to just forget we ever met him."

Conrad nodded apologetically. "It's necessary. He just needed to do something stupid like this before I could file for one. Just keep focused on your clinic. I've got my eye on George Brindleton."

Heather tried to increase the value of her clinic's furnishings, but she lacked a real aesthetic eye and now she also had marketing expenses. With every passing day she worked hard, and though sometimes it never seemed enough, George Brindleton wouldn't break her.

One cold winter morning, Kaori Hayashi, Heather's best vet tech, tended to local blacksmith Abby Harms' Australian Shepherd, Jax. As Heather finished with another patient, Spencer Pancakes surprised her old friend when she brought her dog, JJ, to the clinic.

It wasn't that she'd brought her pet, as she had so many times before, but Spencer sported a sizable baby bump, too.

"Spencer! I can't believe it! I thought the doctors said-"

"They were wrong!" (Mod conflicts! Sorta wrecks the surrogacy storyline but also whatever.) "Needless to say, we didn't expect it. We kept it to ourselves until Dr. Scott said we were healthy. We wanted to tell you!"

"Are you feeling okay about it? I know you didn't want a big family."

Spencer sighed. "Everett's thrilled. I had to move another work trip to Selvadorada, but I'm making the best of it. I took my mom's advice and started painting, and it's nice that Lydia and I are pregnant at the same time. Since it's her first and I need all the help I can get, we're kind of in it together. The pregnancy really does feel like a miracle, and Everett's an incredible father."

"Your boys have a great mom, too." Spencer offered a pitiful smile, and Heather remembered her last visit with Spencer's father-in-law. "Bob came in with one of his cats back in the fall and he mentioned he was worried about you. I kept meaning to call and plan a trip like he suggested, but life's been so busy, and...I didn't want to believe what he was saying, I guess. It didn't feel like any of my business."

(Quick for new readers, Heather doesn't want to intrude on their family because Jett is her biological son with Everett, conceived via science as Heather was their surrogate. She's tried to set a clear boundary to avoid any confusion for or about toddler Jett.)

Spencer nodded. "Bob means well. And I'm doing okay, really. The baby kicks all the time. Like right now. Here: feel. Since we moved back to Henford, it's been better. We haven't had any snow yet!"

"Don't remind me. I miss the mild winters in Henford, but Ash really loves the snow. It's great enjoying it through his eyes."

"The boys love living with my parents and running through the fields like we did. Everett's family comes around all the time, and he's happier at the parish in Henford. Oh! Would you believe that old fox, Pawbin Hood, is still alive?! He's still wearing the Sherwood Forest get up you bought from the creature keeper when we were fourteen!"

"I guess I'm not surprised; I swear, the foxes will outlive us all. Everett thinks they react differently to the wild mushrooms than sims do." Gently, she steered the conversation back to her friend. "And all of that sounds great for everybody else. But what about you, Spence?"

"On days I'm feeling overwhelmed, I'm just glad everyone's there to pick up the slack."

"What about work?"

"Paused for now, I guess. At this point I won't get back to Selvadorada until this one's out of diapers." She pointed to her bump. "But if you can get away, you should come with me next time I go. You're just as good at identifying artifacts, and you love exploring the jungle as much as I do."

"I would love that," Heather said, awash with nostalgia over their first trip to the jungle for Spencer's bachelorette. After their quick visit, she tended to JJ - who was fine other than a mild case of lava nose - and she sent them on their way with a refill of organic disinfectant spray to keep treating him.

Later that afternoon, Heather took a moment to relax and hydrate when she was met by another surprise visitor. The woman walked in heavily pregnant and disguised under a bandana and sunglasses, but Heather recognized her name from her digital sign-in sheet. "Emi Wise? You used to be Emi Kudo, didn't you? You were a vet tech here when I was in high school!"

Emi looked around to ensure she didn't recognize any other faces in the lobby. "I remember you and your parents," she admitted. "When I used VetConnect to find a clinic to help my Olive, I realized Sorrel Jackson sold you this place. I like the rebrand, and I liked it even better when I saw you got away from Landgraab Corp. I think you might be the only vet in Simlandia who can help us. That's the only reason I risked coming back here."

As Heather healed Olive in an exam room, Emi noted the place hadn't changed much since she'd worked there. "You've rebranded, and you should really invest in a whole new look. My husband's an architect, and I think he could design something incredible. When Olive has to come back for her follow-up appointment, I'll bring him with me so he can get a look at the place, if you want."

"That sounds great, actually. I'm always looking for ways to really spruce this place up!"

Heather called Conrad to set one more plate at the table for dinner before she invited Emi to her home next door. Grateful for Heather's hospitality so she and Olive could rest a little before their long journey home, Emi opened up about her life in the years since she'd left Brindleton Bay in such a hurry.

"I had an affair with a married man, and he chose his wife, of course. I was so young and naive. I had no idea what to do, but I knew I couldn't stay. So I bought a one-way plane ticket to Evergreen Valley because it felt far enough away from here. I met a man and fell in love a month after I got to town, and he raised the twins like they were his own from the day they were born. We had a son together, and this one will be a girl."

"It sounds to me like everything worked out for the best. You don't have to tell me who the father is, but there are rumours around town."

(Basically, it's a good thing Kaori finished up with Jax and Mrs. Harms before Emi and Olive showed up!)

Emi's face went white. "Please don't tell him or his wife I was here. I promised I wouldn't ever ask for a thing for the boys, but if they see me here they might think I want to cause trouble."

"Your secret's safe with me," Heather promised.

True to her word, Emi brought her husband Layne for Olive's follow up, and he and Heather spoke about plans to revamp the clinic completely - a total rebuild, with class, elegance, and in keeping with Brindleton Bay's coastal charms.

Buttercup Pet Clinic was a place where people felt comfortable being open and vulnerable, and Heather heard her fair share of gossip inside the clinic walls. She was becoming something of a neighbourhood confidante, and took it seriously when people trusted her with their problems. With this in mind, Layne offered to add a small cafe - a relaxed gathering place for owners to wait for their pets and sip coffee. Heather was excited, and couldn't wait for spring to get started on construction.

As a bonafide Friend of the Animals, Heather was pretty great with her human friends, too. And she wanted her clinic to reflect that. ->

<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 1 Summary | Gen 1 Start

NOTE: So my game had ANOTHER baby boom but now I think I'm maxed and need some elders to expire before more nooboos will generate randomly. That said, in addition to Emi and her husband (Layne Wise originally known as Leoric Weild), Everett & Spencer, and Lydia & Alexander, River and Cassandra are expecting again, too! That's two more grandkids for Bella!

I checked on the Gen 1 Nesbitt household, where River and Cassandra live with Neal, Daisy, and their son Michael (plus dog Bernadette and cat Duchess) and pregnant Cass got on an autonomous video call with her mom. 🥰

NOTE 2: It's been on my list to get Heather and Spencer back to Selvadorada for almost a decade (in game!). I'm trying to complete the Jungle Explorer aspiration with Spencer, but there really has not been a good time as they both have small kids or keep getting pregnant. The aspiration isn't a requirement for this generation and more a bonus goal for me, but I really want to do it so stay tuned!

Heather's had Adventurous as a bonus trait since they went on their first trip together, and ever since then she's just been able to use it for wild woohoo and being eager and excited about the Ambrosia Society's challenge, whereas Conrad was a lot more cautious (about the latter - the wild woohoo doesn't trouble him at all!)

NOTE 3: As always, I thank @rinseesims for adding the iconic Leoric Weild from her iconic UDC to the Sims 4 gallery because he makes a great dad/architect in this universe!

#sims 4 #sims 4 gameplay #sims 4 screenshots #sims 4 legacy #sims in bloom #ts4 #ts4 gameplay #ts4 legacy #ts4 screenshots #sims 4 story #ts4 story #legacy challenge #sims legacy #ts4 legacy challenge #gen 2 #brindleton bay #cassandra goth

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bomikalover · 7 months ago

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Did my yearly rewatch of Austin and Ally (all 4 seasons) and now I’m hyper fixated on it. So I decided to yap my head off on here so if you don’t care for anything A&A specific then just scroll and enjoy my other posts or edits of the stuff you do like 🫶🏾

Anywaysss, why I’m here.

AUSTIN AND ALLY’S PARENTS ARENT GOOD PARENTS!!

There i said it.

The only one I give slack is Ally’s mom as she mostly lives in Africa for work (I think?? I kinda black out the parents storyline since I’m here for any else but the parents) plus she wrote a book and when she was in Miami with Ally she spent all her time WITH HER DAUGHTER. She gave advice, presents, and even gave her an opportunity to sing at her event which was the event she overcame her greatest fear. She was polite and sweet to all the kids, put effort to talking to them, and getting to known them. We’ve seen her for maybe 2-3 episodes TOPS in the whole show but I never disliked her. Do I think she could have had a talk with her ex-husband and made him work at his own business?? Yes but they spilt for a reason and maybe she was just already mentally clocked out of anything dealing with him…cuz I know I am.

Her dad on the other hand I majorly dislike. He opened a business just to leave in the hands of his only daughter between ages 14-18 while she was already occupied with school and then her career as an artist. Plus she had friends and a young life that she wanted to live. Fortunately Ally was lucky her 3 friends stuck around all day in Sonic Boom helping out and hanging there instead of completely leaving Ally out since she was constantly busy with work.

He was also extremely cheap. Like being cheap with urself is fine but with ur daughter is a whole nother thing. Like when he gave her emergency funds for when she went to go on tour with Austin and she actually needed it as she was stranded in an unknown state. Just to find out that her dad only gave her $6 and an expired coupon. She once again was on her own and performed for her own well-being.

And he was also unsupportive of Ally sometimes. Like in the first episode when he said that she had one in a billion chance of making it into the music industry. (Austin’s dad said that as well, but we’ll get to him later) WHAT?! Is it so hard to be supportive of ur daughter. (He does support her in future episodes but for me it’s says a lot that the first impression we get of her father is that he’s unsupportive and only wants her to run the family store)

Speaking of no support and forcing their child to follow their footsteps…Mike and Mimi Moon.

They also came out the bat being unsupportive but seemed to care enough to not force Austin to work at the Mattress Kingdom. But they heavily offered the job every time something went slightly off course with Austin’s Career. (Him getting vocal nodes or when he chose loving Ally over his career that he’s been passionately working on for years)

Both of A&A’s parents were just letting their kids travel by themselves or go on tour by themselves. (It’s EXTREMELY common for parents to be MIA in kids tv but these rubbed me the wrong way) like we rarely saw Mr.Dawson at Ally’s performances Vice versa with Austin and his parents. It took Austin having to go the doctors or Ally moving away super far to accomplish her goals to get their attention.

I’m not surprised Auslly has such a strong unbreakable bond when they’re two only children with neglectful parents who are unsupportive of their dreams. They have no one to relate to and share the passion with beside each other. They both have best friends that have been in their lives YEARS before each other yet Auslly talk of each other as if that’s all they have is each other. (Side note: the way Auslly write their songs make me question how much stuff they truly went through together. Like “You can come to me” lyrics are so sweet and intimate but also so deep but it’s extremely evident that they are singing these lyrics to each other and only each other. Like they surpassed hurdles that Dez and Trish weren’t there to surpass with them. I wonder how much of Auslly we haven’t seen and will never see.)

Dez and Trish aren’t only children like Austin & Ally. Dez has a (older?) sister and Trish has a little brother. Both their families seemed extremely happy, loving, and outwardly supportive of them…I can’t say the same for Austin and Ally.

I could go on and on about this topic alone but I’ll spare your eyes from all the reading and stop yapping. But I’ll gladly talk about all my other thoughts about certain A&A things. Like the Auslly dynamic in a whole, why Austin’s passion for music is so strong, or even why Trish can’t keep a job.

But that’s a yapper-sation for another time.

#Yappin’ with Shy #analysis of kids tv shows is so funnnnn #yapping about A&A till I can’t no more #austin and ally #auslly #austin moon #ally dawson #trish de la rosa #dez wade

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noroi1000 · 2 years ago

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Could I request a reader x gojo mafia!au sort of where reader is the married partner of gojo and has a pair of twin sons(who mostly looks like the reader n love their mama unconditionally 🥹💗) with gojo.reader n gojo had an arranged marriage because reader comes from an extremely powerful n wealthy family and after their marriage,gojo sort of quit his playboy life while reader doesn't hate him but doesn't love him either and has kids w him just to maintain the position as the mistress ( not in the sexual manner ) of the gojo family and just enjoys her life with all the luxuries which serve her and is basically so adored by the gojo family(gojo family here could include geto,nanami,megumi,yuji,shoko,mei mei,maki etc) n her family that's it's most like worshipping low-key.so basically gojo goes to a strip club for a business deal and there's this crazy stripper who becomes obssesed with him and tries seducing him but it doesn't work on him so basically the stripper goes stalker mode and tries hurting his wife n kids n even him but reader slyly finds out and puts her back in her place because reader always has been a bad bitch n forever will be one 💅🏼. now if u add smut,i won't mind it lol but it's not necessary,i just am craving badass n low-key evil n sexy rich wife n mom vibes for the reader

I don't love him, but I want to be with him

paring: Mafia boss Gojo x Wife reader

warnings: Mentioned sex, Swearing, violence, strip club

Words: over 3k

"You whore!" screamed the woman holding her hand over her mouth where she felt her tooth chipped off.

"Me a whore? Compared to you, I have a husband and two children. I don't betray him and I won't betray him." you replied massaging the magic knuckles on your fist. Sore from the impact.

"You don't even love him! You can't be his wife and be with him when there's no feeling between you!" she screamed crying through the pain in her mouth

"I don't love Satoru. But I want to be with him. Is it so hard?"

"Ow... Fuck... My tooth..." she moaned as she stood up.

"If you don't have teeth, now you'll be able to do your job more easily. You're a stripper, so giving ass is your job too. Like a whore."

"You–!"

"Don't interrupt me when I'm talking. Satoru shows no interest in you at all. To him, you're just a whore who makes money shooting her bare ass in front of guys."

"He's-"

"He was nice? During business he couldn't say no. You don't know how much he loves his children. That's why you don't stand a chance. Know your place in go back to the club to pole dance for others." You turned around and started walking forward on the sidewalk. The sound of your boots echoed. Suddenly you stopped. "Good advice to you, never get in the way of my family again. Or your life will turn into a lot worse than it ever was."

Your marriage was arranged. None of you wanted it.

But the longer you were together, the more comfortable it got.

You don't know if Satoru loves you or if he just feels some kind of attachment.

He may just consider you a member of his family.

After all, you are the mother of his two sons.

Two boys who love their dad, and they show it to him.

You never wanted to raise them to turn their backs on their father.

You don't want them to be brought up to hate someone from the start.

Your sons love you.

Whenever Satoru is not at home, they are with you.

For them, you are always with your husband. You couldn't betray him because you know he gave up his pleasures for you.

Your husband has always been a playboy. He played with different women, when you heard that he was going to be your husband, all you thought about was that to make your life with him easier. So no attachment to it. While he changes women like socks, you will do the same with men.

You weren't planning on liking him at all. You never planned to love him unconditionally.

You didn't plan on wanting a family with him.

Your one plan has worked.

You don't love him.

It doesn't mean you don't like him.

You don't love him, but you're with him because you're happy.

You feel attached to him. You're used to being his wife. You're used to seeing him every day. That you sleep in the same bed. That you kiss sometimes. That you hug.

You got used to being accepted into his family very quickly. To friends.

That you made a family together.

You don't love him, but you want to be with him.

You don't want anyone else because you want him.

Not just because he's good as a sex lover.

He is already your life lover. Because you don't want him to leave you. You want him to be who you live with.

You are together in such a nice way, for your children.

You don't know what that feeling might be because you didn't fall in love with it.

However, he does everything for you to make you feel like everyone loves you.

There is no love between you.

But you respect each other. You make both of you happy.

You want the best for each other, even if there is no such feeling between you.

Until finally, after some time with him, after your wedding, you could stand with him and your sons for a photo. With a smile that shows you're family.

And you will hate anyone who ever tries to destroy it. Because your children deserve the best.

You wanted a good life. And you were fine in the Gojo family.

That's why you bore him children...

But after they were born, that changed...

You're used to this family...

Maybe you don't love him, but you want to be with him.

Because here you are happy...

"What's going on?" you asked walking into your living room when you saw your husband sitting on the couch with his hand on his forehead.

"Hmm?" He grunted turning his head towards you. "(y/n)?"

"Something happened. You've never acted like this." You said, sitting down next to him. Being able to talk to him.

Your sons are in a private kindergarten. Or it could even be considered homeschooling... They will soon be five years old. Sometimes they study at home and sometimes away from home.

Your children who are twins have (h/c) hair and (e/c) eyes.

However, when you look at them, you see the features of their father's face. They also have something in their eyes that clearly indicates who their dad is. A clear sparkle in the eyes, showing that these eyes are special.

Besides, for six years you belong to the Gojo family, which is a very powerful mafia.

There are few family members who are related to Satoru. Most are dead now.

His friends make up his family.

"Something happened?" you asked him.

"No... How are the boys?" he asked, removing his hand from his face.

"They have an hour of study." You replied. "I've known you for a long time, and I know there's something you don't want."

"It's not like it bothers me, but I have a business meeting. One strip club. We used to go there when I wasn't married to you." He laughed.

"What's wrong with that?"

"I gave up my life as a womanizer for you and our children."

"I understand." You mumbled as you stood up.

"What do you understand?"

"You are a walking pervert. I know you haven't had sex in a long time and the moment some bitch turns on you, you're going to want to get your dick wet."

"You're cruel..."

"I'm only telling the truth." you shook your head with a small smile.

You got up and started walking forward.

"Satoru." you called.

He turned to look at you.

"We can go to the bedroom if you want." You waved at him.

Hearing this, he jumped off the couch and ran over to you.

"What have I done to deserve a beautiful wife like you?" He grinned wildly. "I don't tolerate blowjobs today. Maybe something wet? Can I put oil on you and massage you? Or a bathtub?"

His hand squeezed your buttock.

"Every time I try to be nice, you must be a pervert..."

"I? I did not do anything! You're the one who's offering me sex until the kids are gone." He moaned as he walked past you down the hall.

"Fine fine. Choose something you want." you murmured knowing that no matter what it is, it will be good for you.

Him as a mafia boss and you as his wife... No one expects your relationship to be anything other than money.

Maybe it is, but you're happy in this house. You have a family with him.

Even though you don't appear as a beautiful married couple in front of people, you are actually much closer when you are at home.

In your opinion, there would be nothing wrong with him having at least a little fun in this club. He met some women who would dance for him, touch him.

Maybe he gave up being a playboy too. But he must at least keep up appearances.

But you don't know if you want to know that he's cheating on you.

Even though your relationship is not for love.

You can't get used to holding his hand.

Even if that's what makes you happy.

The happiness of being in the family.

Happiness knowing that you have a partner with whom you will stay longer. Even if you don't love him...

You can kiss him, you can feel his hips hitting yours. You can hug him.

You will be close and you don't want to lose it.

A comfortable life together with the happiness that your children give you. And also he...

You won't let anyone hurt your children...

You won't let anyone destroy your family...

You won't let your happiness disappear...

You don't need wealth or anything his wealth can give you.

You just want the life you have now.

Seeing scantily clad women walking around the VIP floor, Gojo occasionally watched them.

But he was not seduced.

Thanks to you, his mind was clear, and he wasn't just thinking with his penis.

He could thank you and your body that he likes to touch so much.

Besides, he didn't want to be seduced by a woman who goes left and right.

He also cares about his family, and even though his sons often go with you, he still loves them.

And he wouldn't want them to have to live like he did when he was younger.

Simply put, his father was not afraid to bring different women into the house. Even if his mother was with him.

He didn't want that for his children.

He has left that life and is not coming back to it.

For the happiness of your family.

Arranged marriages were often just open relationships. After all, no one wanted to marry someone because others told someone to. People were married but no one cared about love.

Maybe it's the same with him, but he doesn't cheat and didn't want to be cheated on. For the sake of your children. you will be together.

In mafias, marriages are usually only for money and influence.

For example, that was the case with you.

He didn't expect it to ever change. That he will change.

But he loved his children... And he wanted you to be a normal family.

Since he knew you wanted to live next to him, he couldn't have done otherwise.

As women stroked his arms, thighs, and chest, he concentrated on talking to the man he was about to sign a contract with.

Nobody disturbed him.

Especially those women who knew that it would be best for them not to piss off a man who had a gun in his belt and could use it at any time.

Until another, more courageous one came along.

Other women have disappeared. Only she took their place on the couch.

"Bunny, long time no see, dear." Said a middle-aged man who was sitting in front of Gojo.

"Hello. I wonder who this handsome guy is. I don't think we've met yet ~." She purred, laying her head on his shoulder. Rubbing his biceps with his hands. Putting her bare thigh on his thigh.

"This is Gojo. I think you've heard that name, bunny~."

"oh yes! I heard that you are very powerful, rich, and so very handsome. But stories don't reflect the ideal~." she moaned, getting under his arm to snuggle against his chest.

Had he pushed her away, it would have been an unpleasant encounter. So he let her sit as she wanted.

Even though he knew getting rid of her might be a little difficult.

"Oh, Gojo. This is bunny. Our little bunny who is the cutest." said the man, taking a puff on his cigar.

"My wolf, I'm sorry, but this time I'm going to deal with another wolf. How about other bunnies take care of you?" she asked, massaging the white-haired'e inner thigh.

"I'd love to. A few more bunnies would be cute."

"Sorry to interrupt this conversation, but I'm in a bit of a hurry." Gojo said, looking at his watch.

It was true because you called him to pick up his sons at 6:00 p.m. from a class they wanted to attend because they enjoyed it.

"Oh, it's okay~. One dance, okay? That's the best for you. I do everything for handsome and rich people. And I like you more and more~." With that, she jumped into his lap, hugging his head against her chest. He swayed his hips slightly as she sat on him.

"I'm really in a hurry." He said emotionlessly, pushing her lightly and pulling her off his lap.

"Another meeting? I understand you're busy. So be it. These conditions are appropriate. The contract will be concluded." said the man signing the contract before handing the paper to Gojo.

Without a word, Gojo got up and started to leave, followed by Megumi and Yuji in turn.

Little did he know that this thing was the beginning of his misfortunes. Of which he did not know how they ended.

"Hey handsome!"

He looked at the woman who was standing next to their car, her hip resting on the cold metal.

"A pain in the ass..." Megumi growled, mirroring Gojo's thoughts.

As they approached, the woman lunged forward, tugging his tie down.

At the same moment, Yuji moved to let her go.

He was supposed to protect Gojo, so he wanted to commit.

The tall man's hand stopped him.

Seeing this, the woman smiled.

"Gojo-sama~ the VIP rooms are best decorated. Your meeting can wait. I'm going to wear a new outfit especially for you, which I'm supposed to wear from next week~."

As he placed his hand on her shoulder, she let out a sigh, feeling that he was already hers.

However, he pushed her aside.

"Out of the way." He said dismissing her. He adjusted his tie and got into the car.

When they drove away, they didn't see her pissed off face.

She was the most beautiful in the whole club. He couldn't reject her like that!

He was so handsome... All she could think of was that she wanted him for at least one night.

She only thought about having someone handsome and rich in bed. That she could be there for someone anytime, day or night. And give her body for comfort and money with which someone will pamper her.

When she finally found someone young, rich, and handsome, he didn't succumb to her body twice. She failed to seduce him.

But she's not someone who gives up that easily... There must have been a reason why he rejected her like that...

Jealousy had destroyed her, as had her curiosity.

Getting into the taxi, she told the driver to follow the black car. Promising a free dance for him if he does.

She saw him get out of the car, and on a cold evening as she stood hiding, she saw him go and open the door.

Only to see two identical children run into his arms.

She wanted to think otherwise is...

They couldn't be his children...

But when she heard the cheerful screams of "dad" she had no doubts.

In addition, she saw the smile of the man she wanted to win.

He had a family...

But she had to get what she wanted...

When she saw two children, the same as she had seen before, with a woman, she had to watch.

Because the children looked like a woman.

And they preferred her mother.

She had no doubt that this woman was the one who kept her from getting the perfect man for her.

So why keep her with him?

Her desires are more important than you...

You can disappear, only for him to finally notice her...

When she saw you shopping in expensive stores and surrounding yourself with other beautiful women, she was just jealous.

You had something to do with the mafia. The ring on your finger... You are his wife...

Three women with you, and one man in a suit.

Another woman, younger, was standing nearby.

Dark hair tied in a ponytail. Glasses on the face.

A blond man with glasses. He was handsome too...

One woman in a purple dress with white long hair, another with brown hair, smoking a cigarette outside before going back inside. And a third, with dark purple hair and a scar on her face.

All three dressed in pretty and fashionable clothes.

They all walked with you through clothes shops for women, men and children. And also to grocery stores. It was the usual shopping, but as always quite large.

You had lunch together several times a week. All.

You bought some sweets and other goodies.

Everything for the kids and you also packed some more for later.

Two boys still holding your hand or walking next to you.

She watched you until the end.

Until it got dark.

She took an empty glass bottle, and waited for the right opportunity.

You were her obstacles.

You and your children.

She didn't care that they were little boys.

It was your children that bothered her.

You were beautiful. You had what you wanted. You gave the kids what they wanted. You gave them love.

You were her obstacles, you made the man she wanted happy. That he didn't want her.

This is why...

When she saw you walking near the alley, she slammed the bottle against the wall, luring you.

When you heard some insults flying your way, you had no choice but to hand your sleeping son into Nanami's hands.

One son slept in Utahime's arms while Shoko and Mei carried their little backpacks that they wanted to carry to their favorite activities.

When you told them to go to the car and you were about to join, Maki objected, but it wasn't for long.

They knew you. You took care of yourself and the children.

You were an excellent mother.

You even took care of Satoru.

You were able to calm him down.

Even the biggest mafia boss acted like you were his boss.

You were a mother, and he was experiencing the moment of your pregnancy...

When you entered the alley, you saw a woman with broken glass in her hand.

"Who are you? Offending people you don't know is not something you should be doing in front of your children." you said standing in front of her. With a reproach telling her that it pissed you off.

"You took it from me! It's because of you that I couldn't seduce him!" She screamed, raising the glass at you.

"Who are you talking about?"

"It's because of you that Gojo-san rejected me twice!"

"That's sad." You said flatly. "You must be the stripper from the club. I had no way of telling you that my husband doesn't have many women anymore."

"You are disturbing my pleasant life! I'm the beautiful one and I'll be his beautiful woman to spoil!"

"It's dangerous." You muttered.

"You talk like a mother who sees her brat holding a knife!" she laughed. "I'm better than you!"

As she ran towards you with the glass, he suddenly hit her in the face. You felt something snap under your fist.

The woman staggered and fell to her knees.

"You whore!" she cried, holding her hand over her mouth. Where she felt her teeth snap off.

"Me a whore? Compared to you, I have a husband and two children. I'm not cheating on him and I won't be cheating on him." You replied massaging the enchanted knuckles on your fist. Aching from the impact.

"You don't even love him! You can't be his wife and be with him when there's no feeling between you!" she screamed crying through the pain in her mouth

"I don't love Satoru. But I want to be with him. Is it so hard?"

"Ow... Fuck... My tooth..." she moaned as she stood up.

"If you don't have teeth, now you'll be able to do your job more easily. You're a stripper, so giving ass is your job too. Like a whore."

"You–!"

"Don't interrupt me when I'm talking. Satoru shows no interest in you at all. To him, you're just a whore who makes money shooting her bare ass in front of guys."

"He's-"

"He was nice? During business he couldn't say no. You don't know how much he loves his children. That's why you don't stand a chance. Know your place in go back to the club to dance for others on roses. All you want is his money, you can't do anything. He thinks, and he is a normal man, who respects that he's got a happy family." You turned around and started walking on the sidewalk, the sound of your shoes echoing. Suddenly you stopped. "Good advice to you, never get in the way of my family again. Or your life will turn into a lot worse than it ever was."

"Maybe I don't love him, but I'm happy with him like I've never been..."

#jjk x reader #satoru gojo #gojo jujutsu kaisen #gojo jjk #gojo x you #gojo x y/n #gojo x reader angst #gojo satoru x reader #Mafia boss Gojo

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ronnie-quinn · 7 months ago

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It’s Okay to Cry

CG!Husk, CG!Fat Nuggets, and Regressor!Angel

Plot: Angel has been crying nonstop, and Husk doesn’t know why.

Request by @yourneurodivergentlady

Heavily inspired and based on “The Crying Dame” from The Loud House

“It’s Okay to Cry” belongs to Barney and Friends

Husk looked at his phone to check the time as he held Angel in his arms. The spider regressed to a headspace equivalent of a newborn and had been crying for about two hours. Husk didn’t know why or what had gotten Angel so upset. The caregiver tried everything to stop his tears. Angel didn’t need a change, he wasn’t sick, and he wasn’t hungry. Husk tried putting Angel down for a nap, but that was also unsuccessful since he wasn’t tired either. Fat Nuggets tried cheering the little spider with his comfort items (Angel’s Rainbow Puppy and Twinkle stuffies and favorite Blue’s Clues paci), but to no avail.

“I know, today’s just not a good day, is it?” Husk comforted in a soft, hushed tone as he rocked Angel from side to side.

Husk put Angel down on his bed to text Charlie for advice. Angel instantly bawled louder because of this.

“It’s okay, Legs. I just gotta text Charlie,” Husk said as Fat Nuggets climbed on the bed and walked over to Angel, nuzzling his cheek to calm him down. “She’ll help us understand why you’re feeling sad.”

Husk then texted Charlie on his phone.

Husk: “Hey, Charlie, I need help.”

Charlie: “Sure thing, I’m on my way.”

The winged cat sighed with relief as he put his phone away. He picked Angel back up and gave him a gentle bounce. A few minutes later, Charlie arrived.

“What’s going on?” Charlie asked.

“Do you know how to get littles to stop crying?” Husk questioned. “Fat Nuggets and I’ve tried everything for Angel and nothing’s working.”

Charlie scratched her chin as she thought long and hard about Husk’s question.

“How long has Angel been crying for?”

“Two hours,” Husk replied. “I just… I don’t know. I feel like I’m doing something wrong here.”

“No, no, it’s not that at all,” Charlie reassured Husk as she put her hand on his shoulder. “You and Fat Nuggets are doing a good job taking care of Angel while he’s little. I think it’s because littles who regress to an infantile headspace are similar to actual babies. Sometimes, babies cry for no reason, no matter what we do to soothe them.”

“So, what should we do?”

“Just let Angel cry it out and continue comforting him for as long as he needs it. No matter what age, we all need a good cry every now and then. I promise you, it’s nothing that you’ve done.”

Husk smiled a bit as Charlie rubbed the still-wailing spider’s back and walked out of the cat’s room. The caregiver then carried Angel to his rocking chair and sat down.

“You hear that, kiddo? We all need a good cry sometimes, and you know what? It’s perfectly okay to cry,” Husk said as he began slowly rocking Angel in his arms. “Just let it out. I’m right here, and so is Fat Nuggets. We’re gonna be here for you, no matter what.”

Fat Nuggets walked over to the rocking chair and climbed onto Angel’s lap to join in comforting him. Husk cleared his throat and began to sing.

When you feel a tear in your eye,

it usually means you want to cry,

So if you've hurt and it hurts real bad

Or if you have feelings that are making you sad,

Then it's okay, it's okay to cry.

‘Cause I know that when I'm done crying,

I can talk about what's bothering me

And though my face gets wetter,

I feel much better

If I talk about what's bothering me.

Crying is nature's way

Of helping bad feelings go away.

So if you've been hurt or are feeling bad,

Whether you're a kid or a mom or a dad,

It's okay, it’s okay to cry.

‘Cause I know that when I'm done crying,

I can talk about what's bothering me

And though my face gets wetter,

I feel much better

If I talk about what's bothering me.

Yes, that works for me.

Angel sniffled after the song, his cries subsiding to whines and whimpers.

“Shh, it’s okay, kiddo. You’re gonna be okay,” Husk smiled softly and continued rocking the spider until he felt better.

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meraki-yao · 2 months ago

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RWRB Book Thoughts: Ellen and Oscar

Re-reading RWRB and thinking about Oscar and Ellen. The thing is book Ellen and Oscar's relationship scares me because it's like the worst-case scenario of my own parents (they're a lot better now but covid was hell) So I understand it.

Ellen and Oscar are soulmates. As in they are both intelligent, stubborn and headstrong. They are very similar people. Unfortunately this is a case where it's like forcefully pushing two North ends of a magnet together: Ellen in particular wants and needs a complimentary relationship instead of collaborative relationship, which is why Leo works for her: Leo is meek compared to Oscar. He really just listens and generally agrees with Ellen. His appearances are limited in the book but when he does show up he doesn't really have his own opinion. Ellen wants/needs someone who won't speak up against her.

Honestly? I, kinda feel sad for Oscar. He said it himself, "We're both too fucking proud. But God, that woman. Your mother is, without question, the love of my life. I'll never love anyone else like that." It's sad to know that he never stopped loving Ellen while vice versa isn't true, and to know that she's it for Oscar.

When it comes to parenting I honestly think Oscar is the better parent. It was really shitty of him to leave without telling Alex and June and that evidently really hurt Alex til this day, but when it comes to the other parent things? I was re-reading/listening to Chapter Four today when he goes to DC for Christmas, and both Alex and June are so much more comfortable with him. Part of that is probably because he doesn't carry the inherent pressure of being the fucking president, but part of it is that he really cares about his kids as they are. Ellen downplays June's passion for journalism and pressures her into a political job that she didn't want at all, while Oscar "raved about June's latest blog post for The Atlantic". Ellen immediately started piling up all the political consequences of firstprince literally minutes after Alex plucked up the courage to come out to her while Oscar gave him relationship advice. This isn't to say Ellen isn't a good mother, she is flawed, as Oscar is, as all parents are. But if we're looking at non-crisis moments, Oscar's actions are more comfortable for his children.

There's a reason June initially wanted to go to California and be close to her dad. Yesterday I talked a little about how I hated how Ellen and Alex treated June at the earlier chapters of the book. Well in the rest of the book it's implied that she has a much closer relationship with Oscar, jumping into his arms when he arrives at the White House, him picking her up and spinning her when they arrive at the lakehouse.

Either way, Ellen and Oscar clash becasue they're too alike, and my opinion is that Ellen tends to fan the flames more, see Christmas dinner where Oscar suggests campaigning with them to help and she immediately shoots it down with "you can't be serious". Anyways, the children suffer the most. And uh, speaking from experience here, that shit never goes away. My parents are still together and are a lot better compared to the past, but I flinch at any sound of argument/angry yelling because of all of their fighting.

And there's this one paragraph in the book: "Even before Alex's parents split, they both had a habit of calling him by the other's last name when he exhibited a particular trait. They still do. When he runs his mouth off to the press, his mom called him into her office and says ' get your shit together Diaz.' When his hard-headedness gets him stuck, his dad texts him, 'Let it go, Claremont'" and God that's so shitty? To know, to be reminded that one parent hates the part of you that is from the other parent. Even if that's not what Ellen and Oscar's intention is, that's what it feels like, and it's really, fucking, shitty.

I wonder how would book Alex feel if he know that there was an alternative universe out there where his family was functional. I wonder how would he feel if he knew that movie Alex doesn't have his loving sister, but has loving, gentle parents who have a healthy, functional relationship.

My guess, is that he would say that he'd choose his life and his sister no matter what, and he means it because he does love June, but deep down a part of him would be jealous of movie Alex for having a smaller but healthier and happier family.

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #alex claremont diaz #june claremont diaz #ellen claremont #oscar diaz #rwrb book #rwrb analysis #rwrb thoughts #meraki essay #parenting :)#absolutely the hardest job in the world #by the way is Leo white?#we dont have new movie content so I'm annotating my book nad i have thoughts #also thought about writing a post on what would happen if movie firstprince and book firstprince meet #need to brainstorm more about that #but yeah

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cloudy-osc · 11 days ago

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FANCY PHONE FAN KIDSSSSSS 💚💜

Ok first is loathing. Shes pretty bratty and dramatic and is varrry picky with things she likes.

Acts a little to much like Disgust but Disgust isint her favorite. She things its weird that her mother likes a video game character.

She picked up on ennuis french accent. No one know if its real or if shes fakeing it

loathing dose have a phone but she mainly uses it to call/text her mother to conplain. ennuis the favorite because shes more likely to pick up the phone.

ennui cut her hair (you can probably tell) and Disgust was NOT HAPPY. she used a bowl 😔

I actually didnt base these two on anything (i probably should have but TO LATE) i mostly just gave them both features of both parents. I think its a bit obvious what features loathing got from her moms but if not let me know hehe

would DEFINITELY be a Sephora kid if her parents let her. though she dose have a skin care routine (that Disgust hand crafted for her skin)

A HATER THROUGH AND THROUGH.

She sees all the emotions like parents (aside from envy. Shes like a little sister. dispite envy being older) though she doseint always get along with them. especially anger. They fight 90% of the time.

Fear is like her main father figure (wich she hates) he trys giveing her "fatherly advice". It never ends well

She definitely has a heart though. She has a soft spot for my angui fan child (ill show her later) because there both pretty judgey

Now loathings twin fatigue! Shes definitely more like ennui. She spends 50% of the day asleep. Shes pretty dull but has her snarky moments.

dispite acting more like ennui Disgust is her favorite. Not really a reason behind it fatigue just gravitates twords her more.

Disgust hand made her Pajama's so that could be a factor

Gets along better with her parents especially joy (shes like a nightlight)

rarely uses her phone but when she dose she watches thoughs sensory videos with the fruit.

She loves her sister so she just goes along with what ever she dose.

Has ennuis strength but never uses it

Its hard to tell what her personality is/ehat she likes because shes pretty closed off (unintentionally)

I hope you like them! Ill post the angui child once my tablet is charged lol

#inside out ennui #disgust x ennui #inside out disgust #loathing😠#fatigue😴#fancyphone #inside out fanchild #inside out fandom

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pinazee · 6 months ago

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If you’re so smart, then why are you dead?

To start, heres a list of scientists that some characters were named after:

Lisa Meitner (physicist, bad bitch)

Otto Hahn (physicist)

Kurt Gödel (mathematician) (shawn was sort of correct with the pronunciation)

Robert Goddard (physicist)

William Shockley (racist)

I thought this was an accident because James seems to snicker after but apparently it was planned by Dulé’s stand in Gyle (Gile?)

Gus really should have known this was Avogadros number if he took any kind of chemistry.

Were they originally going to have Shawns mom a cop too and thats why he said he was born with “an extra normal amount [of paranormalevolance]. Two cops to be exact.” I have a vague memory of someone mentioning it on a commentary.

I wish they had let Juliet have a little more participation in the solve and therefore the victory. Or better yet, gave her a separate case to solve on her own so we saw her really get a win under her belt. She could still ask Shawn for advice, or maybe while he’s doing his whole psychic episode bit to give her a clue she solves it without him, and Shawns left standing impressed. But also, you’re telling me that she wasn’t the primary when she went undercover at the sorority??

The way Dulé says “i never got carsick a day in my life!” ABSOLUTELY SENDS ME

But what really made the Gusters keep him from going? Was it just their overprotectiveness? Was shawn really his only friend? Are they still trying to protect him from the truth?

Somehow i got it in my brain that Shawn was responsible for Gus not getting in. I think i headcanoned that so hard i made it feel true lol i thought Shawn knew the whole time (i mean he must have seen Gus practicing and being extra anxious about something) and he somehow convinced his parents that Gus wouldn’t have been happy there. maybe part of that was true, but little Shawn just didn’t want him to go.

Either way, if the Gusters were actually concerned about quality of life, then they chose Gus’s happiness over his success which is such a juxtaposition to Shawn and his dad.

Or maybe they visited the school and saw a kid getting shocked and said fuck that.

Here’s another instance of Gus looking for where he went wrong in life. If only he’d spelt aggiornamento correctly, if only he’d gone to Meitner. Gus seems so unhappy with himself, and theres this underlying narrative happening that Gus might actually be depressed. Like in 9 lives when he’s convincing himself he’s happy, or in down the stretch when Shawn says Gus needed a victory more than him at the moment. This poor guy spent so much of his life being told he would go far, that he could do anything, so when he didn’t, he felt like a failure. And I don’t think that was his parents fault necessarily, i think he put that pressure on himself, simply because it was expected. He was the gifted kid who burned out, and now he’s settled into something safe, reliable, and unfulfilling.

Then you have this chess match with Shawn and Henry and we see Shawn demonstrate his own genius. But the juxtaposition here is that shawns pressure was external. Shawn also had the potential to go far but that ultimately isn’t what he strives for. Shawn just wants to have a good, fun life. Probably because his dad sucked the fun out of everything (let the kid call the knight Dwight, jesus henry).

Sidenote: I’m obsessed with finding this blonde guy in the background now haha

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marshmallowprotection · 4 months ago

Note

You’re really good at analyzing the characters so what are some common mischaracterizations or head canons people in the fandom have about the characters that you don’t like?

Common? Well, there are a lot of things little things that I don't care for when I see them, but I know most people feel the same. Yoosung has a huge one. I hate when people make cousin jokes at his expense and I scroll and block when I see people make them at this point. It's not funny, and you don't understand Yoosung as a person. You don't understand his grief and frankly, that's insulting because that's a big part of his character arc.

People belittle him and make him feel like a kid when he's twenty-one years old and coming into his own. He's not a baby, sure, he going to learn a lot in the future because there's so much he hasn't gotten the chance to experience, but lack of experience doesn't mean that he's not capable of standing on his own. Yes, compared to the other RFA members, he hasn't done a lot, but that doesn't mean he's not super accomplished. He was a stellar student, he worked hard to get to the place he is, and the only reason he's floundering is due to the grief in his heart.

Grief plays a huge role in his story and if you want to understand him, you need to know his grief. Set aside the fact that Rika's still alive. He doesn't know that and in most routes, he never does. She was so very important to him because Yoosung was a lonely person even though he was a popular kid who didn't have trouble making friends. He was lonely and you can tell he's lonely if you look hard enough to see it in your own eyes.

Actually, if you want my headcanon about him, I think Yoosung was an oops baby. I think his sister was much older than he is and due to that fact, he was never super close to her. Sure, his family is the most normal in the entire game, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have its own faults. His mother loves him, she does her best to take care of him, but it seems like his father is always rather busy at his job with the government. With a sister much older than him that he can't ever seem to relate to, and a mom who is trying her best but pushes him when he makes mistakes, and a father who isn't around all that much for him, it's got to be lonely.

Why else do you think he latched onto Rika when she came to speak to him? She saw him. She saw him and related to him. She was closer to his age and knew how to talk to him. It's no wonder Rika became a very important person in his life. She saw that he was lonely and that he needed others to root for him, and that's why she convinced him to stick around and join the RFA. Rika did care for Yoosung, she really wanted him him to do well in life back then, and pulling him into the RFA was the best thing Rika did for him because it gave him a place to have others to turn to for advice.

The RFA is a found family no matter what, and even though the RFA playfully bullies Yoosung sometimes, they're some of the only people who know the facets of who Yoosung is.

Zen isn't a narcissist and even if he was one, that's not a bad thing. However, I will say it's not a good look when folks shout that word and villainize personality disorders. Please, I implore people to do more research and be more mindful about how they speak about personality disorders, not just with narcissistic personality disorder, but BPD, OCD, etc.

He is overcompensating. When he is spouting compliments toward himself, it's because he's trying to convince himself that those words have power. Words do have power, let me tell you, and if you call yourself trash all the time, you are inevitably going to believe you are trash.

I'm not saying you have to do what he's doing to build up your confidence, but I'm going to say that what he's doing can be quite helpful for people. You'll make a lot of progress if you're not trying to beat yourself down. The world isn't going to hold back its punches, so why in the world would you beat yourself down just to help the things that want to see you crumble? I know it's easier said than done, but it's good to be in the habit of not insulting yourself.

You don't have to compliment yourself, but don't call yourself trash.

You know another thing about him that gets to me? It’s something he shares with Jumin that doesn’t get the conversation it needs. Both of them have more in common than they realize. They're both victims of sexual harassment, and one of the reasons why I love Zen Route has to do with the fact that they get to have a healthy conversation about their insecurities and what they've both experienced.

Jumin downplays his copious trauma all the time, but speaking with Zen is a way to front those demons with someone who won't mince words for his sake but will also be understanding and considerate at the same time. Jumin thinks he isn't allowed to complain to expend on his trauma because he's a man in a place of privilege. He thinks it isn't important in the grand scheme of things. He thinks he got lucky and others deserve far more sympathy than he does because they've not had as much fortune as he has.

Zen calls him on his shit for it. That's why I love when Zen and Jumin can truly begin to understand each other underneath their banter of "Zen hates Jumin because Jumin reminds him of his older brother in the worst way imaginable" and "Jumin lets Zen poke at him because it's fun to have debates and discussions with others and Zen doesn't hold back" and "Zen gets rightfully angry about how rich people can flaunt their wealth" and "Jumin doesn't even hate Zen, he just leans into what Zen expects because it's what Zen "wants.""

Zen and Jumin have a lot in common. Sure, some people understand that, but I think some of the little details get missed. It took me a long time to understand Jumin because he peeved me at first, but once I got to see who he is as a person, I realized that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, and that's a lesson we all know, but it's good to get it reinforced. You learn that in Zen's Route, and you can't shake it off when you get Jumin's Route when needs the same theory applied to it.

I just don't like it when put don't put weight on Jumin's trauma and entirely miss it when it's blatant.

Don't get me started on the bad ending. I don't like talking about his bad ending because people like to romanticize that relationship and call it canon. That's the problem for me. I also love indulging in Bad Endings myself, but I do not call them the good ending. My problem with Jumin’s BE is that there are people who claim the Bad Ending is healthy and fight to say that it’s a “better ending.”

Listen, my friend, if you want an ending with a relationship that has BDSM, you can have that. You can have that in the Good Ending. You do not have to get a Bad Ending to get it, you can write and imagine it in the Good Ending, and you can have the characters communicate consent and boundaries. You can imagine that and have it that way! I can't believe I have to say that! It is 100% okay to consume content for the Bad Ending and to create it.

But for the love of God, stop calling it a Good Ending and stop acting like it's healthy. Cheritz made a DLC for it because they knew people would pay for that. That's literally the only reason why that got made and I hate it. I hate that his trauma about his damn mother is hidden in a ending that emotionally destroys that man and you would never know anything about it unless you decided to play it. His mother is a piece of shit, by the way, but I'm sure most people know that by now.

All I want is for people to call the ending what it is and to tag it appropriately so I can avoid it. I don't want to consume anything for it and that's my choice. I'm not saying you can't enjoy it, please enjoy it if you want to enjoy it, but call it for what it is because I call all of the Bad Endings I consume Bad Endings for a reason.

I hate it when people say that Jaehee is bland. I hate it when people say that Jaehee is overbearing about Zen and then they bash her into the ground because she "gets in the way" of Zen/MC. I hate when I'm forced to see someone claim that Jaehee's route isn't romantic. Y'all do realize that Jaehee's route has the most realistic route, right? She isn't yet aware of her sexuality or her feelings toward other woman. It doesn't occur to her at first that her feelings for MC are romantic and it takes time for her to fall in love. She's not rushing this experience... she's indulging in it.

She wants to be your partner, your best friend, your closest person in the world first, and as you get closer, that's when you fall in love. She needs time to sort out her feelings, that's the kind of person she is. It takes her time to process her feelings. She's spent her entire life in a place where she's had to fight to earn her keep and look after herself. She went after a career field that would take care of her, and while it's great that she's good at being an assistant to Jumin, it's empty.

It doesn't make her happy. It gives her enough money to pay for all kinds of tickets to see Zen perform, sure, but it doesn't make her feel good about life. Jaehee's route is about someone who feels like they are trapped in a job that's killing them slowly because they don't think they can dream and try something risky because that risk might just be the thing that makes them happy and fulfilled.

I understand that people get frustrated when Zen gets to have hard conversations with Jaehee. I know that a lot of people would rather see the MC complete those visuals with Zen or do it themselves, but I think it’s important to understand why Zen is the one who talks to Jaehee about dreams and passion. Zen ran away from home to chase after his dream knowing it may not happen. It took him a while to get to the point he's at today, and not that many people are lucky when they chase after their dreams. He took a huge risk, which is very scary when you could take the easier path next to it, and to him, it was the risk worth taking.

Jaehee's afraid to take risks.

Having Zen, her idol, tell her to follow her passion, made a difference. On top of that, Saeyoung helped her, too. He could see that she was miserable and he offered to do that report for her so she wouldn't have to torture herself when she finally found something that put light in her eyes. Saeyoung, Zen, and MC are the real MVPs of that route.

While those two are doing their best, you’re doing the same work in the background. You are her confidant, the person who hears her, and the one who is there at the end of the day when all is said and done and she needs somebody to listen.

That's how she starts to fall in love with you, and it's something she'll realize a little bit later after you two are working together to achieve a dream, and I think it's important to understand that. Your relationship builds from being friends to falling in love.

Yes, I understand there are jokes about them just being friends and this route being the platonic one, but I don't think people understand Mystic Messenger took a huge leap in 2016 by having a romanceable queer female route in the game. Progress is progress, and it's damn important to be happy when we have these milestones. I've seen so many other games come out after this leap was made and it's getting better with every new game that comes out that has male and female options.

I know it can feel like such a minor thing after the fact, but little jumps are what make progress happen. Whether it's the wedding in Steven Universe that was fought by tooth and nail in 2018, or with Korrasami going canon in 2014, progress comes when we fight for it. Jaehee's route is one of those moments.

Pushing Cheritz for more gave us more romantic content in the game as well.

The Valentine’s DLC for Jaehee is much more blatant and even the Christmas DLC has its moment. Better yet, the birthday images over the years have become much more forthcoming in the fact that Jaehee and MC are in a relationship. You can be proud of the little things, and you can be proud of progress, because if you don't take a moment to appreciate the little things, it feels like the world is bleak and that's no way to live.

I hate it when people misunderstand Saeyoung but that's something that's been fought over a lot over years so I don't think I need to say a lot about that. He is a multifaceted character and people limit him to being a silly guy. We all know where people go wrong with that at the end of the day and it's so much easier just to keep scrolling than it is to deal with someone who only wants to make him a joke. He isn't the butt of a joke. He's Saeyoung Choi.

However, I will say that I don't appreciate it when people don’t give him the same compassion as Saeran when it comes to his trauma. What I mean by that is I don’t see people talk about what Saeyoung suffered through because of Mother Choi—I don’t see a lot of talk about how Saeyoung was parentified and had to fight tooth and nail to take care of Saeran to the point where his identity became one in which his only reason for living was to take care of Saeran. People scratch the surface of this, but they don't get into the thick of it.

I don't see people talk about his feelings about his mother and how his parentification haunts him to this day.

When people write (Secret Ending) Saeran to be an asshole. I have a lot of squicks about him fandom wise.

I have never enjoyed people writing him out to be cruel and vindictive but that is something people have done in the past, but fortunately enough, I haven't seen many people do it in the last year or so but it was a problem back in the day and it still irks me when I think about it. I get it, a lot of what we know about him has to be built on what we think as the player since there isn't information about him after his breakdown with his brother.

As fans, we had to build his personality ourselves and figure out his perspective. I don't think there's a right or wrong way to make some content for him, but I do hate it when people go out of their way to make him cruel.

One of the reasons I wanted to start writing him in the first place was because every time I tried to read content for him, he would be such an asshole to Saeyoung. I get it. I know why people assume he would be that way, but he is baked in apathy and numbness. He does not have the energy to fight and made that abundantly clear in the end that he doesn’t have the strength to fight Saeyoung anymore. That's the main reason why he just stopped trying to... you know, get rid of himself.

His brother was never going to let him die. He accepted that he can't leave this world even if he wants to, so he's trying to make the best of what he has. He has the sky and he has ice cream, and that's pretty much all he has.

He is sullen. He may not always be forthcoming or kind people, but he doesn't have the energy to be destructive anymore. It would take a lot to upset him. You would need to push every button in the book to get him to lash out. What's the point in lashing out at everyone when it doesn't solve anything? That's not to say he doesn't have moments where he can't see anything but the past and he lashes out because he's terrified, but that's different than actively choosing to be cruel to other people.

I don't think he has many people around him other than Saeyoung and MC. He doesn't know how to interact with other people and he doesn't particularly want to start at this point because he feels like it's too late. I also don't agree with the people who imply that he would be friends with the RFA. That is where I differ with a lot of people and I'm okay with that because that's just the way I imagine things to be and I don't try to force my opinion on others.

It's nothing against the members of the RFA. I just don’t think he would want to be friends with them. Jumin and Yoosung especially. They were closest to Jihyun and Rika. It's not their fault they had that closeness with them, but because of that closeness, Saeran wouldn’t want to go near there.

Saeran killed Jihyun. We could argue up and down all day long if that was something he wanted to do when he raised that gun to defend himself thinking his brother was dead. But, he did do that even in the wrong state of mind and that's something he has to carry for the rest of his life. Jihyun was Jumin’s best friend. Saeran won't be able to look that man in the eye even if Jumin could look past it knowing the complexities of the situation.

Yoosung held Rika close after the events of the Secret Ending and shipped her off with Zen, don't get me started on how much I hate that because I write it out of anything I write with the Secret Ending. That never happens in my Secret Ending. Rika goes to jail to face the consequences of her crimes and gets some well-needed therapy for her own trauma that's been left to the wayside.

He wouldn't want to be around Zen or Jaehee, either. He stalked them for years. He put them through hell depending on the ending you're playing. He doesn't want to be around them and he doesn't want their "pity" friendship. Saeran knows they would be nice to him for Saeyoung's sake, and he doesn't want that. I get it, I love it when Saeran is friends with the RFA, but that isn't happening in the Secret Ending, I'm sorry. Your MC can be friends with them, but... I just can't say Saeran will.

It was actually a dream of mine to write a SE Saeran/Reader fic that had the characterization I wanted for years and I finally a few years ago because I said, "What the hell, people will read it if they want." If you want to see my take on SE Saeran, please, read my fic Iris, It will keep you busy for a while, it's 170k.

I've never been huge on Yooran in the context of SE Saeran/Yoosung because most of the basis is built around the Bad Ending and when I see content for them, I'm always wary of it because I know there's a subtle chance that the writer might make Saeran become an ass to everyone around him and treat Yoosung in ways I'm not going to even think about. You can write whatever you want, just tag it properly if it is an unhealthy dynamic, and back in the earlier days, there weren't a lot of warning tags so it really soured it for me given how I already felt about SE Saeran.

I do think the ship can be great when it is founded in Another Story, though. Yoosung admires Saeran and even admits to having a crush on him, and in this ending, hey, if you want to imagine Yoosung/MC/Saeran or Saeran/Yoosung post-Another Story? I would love to see it. Because, God, Yoosung treating VAE Ray and Saeran tenderly during fireworks because they're terrified of loud noises? Or, even better, I'm giddy at the thought of Yoosung and GE Saeran baking together in a French kitchen!

I have thoughts and feelings about Rika and V as well, but those don’t land most of the time for me because I have to consistently hammer home that I don’t condone what either of them did every time. Just because I try to understand their past and motivations doesn't mean I condone their bullshit. Motivation, Traumatic Backstory =/= excuses. There is no excuse for their actions and they need to face judgement for it. Hard to have a conversation about them because some people think I'm condoning or erasing their actions by trying to understand more about them as person.

So, I don't get too heavy into those two, but I will say that a lot of people don't understand Rika and V because they don't want to. I can't fault them for that, either.

I understand why most people would not want to touch them with a ten-foot pole. You are not being forced to learn more about them, why they are the way they are, or what brought them to the point in which they made their choices. If you never want to learn anything more about them, I can't blame you for that. But, if you want to talk about them in a larger capacity beyond "I hate them and I want them to go to face justice for this and that" (very valid take, by the way), it's important to understand their motivations, if nothing else.

I think they are interesting characters and I want to understand more about them because looking at Jihyun is an uncomfortable mirror for me at times. It's helped me be a better person.

#ask #mod kait #anon #AS A REMINDER THESE ARE JUST MY OPINIONS AND FEELINGS YOU DON'T HAVE TO AGREE

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renthony · 5 months ago

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Hi! Could you talk about what it’s like being an independent media researcher and how you became one? Did you go to school for communications or media studies? How do you make money?

I’m about to graduate college and I really want to go into the media studies field but I haven’t really figured out what the best way for me to do that is. I have a lot of similar research interests as you (animation, censorship, media analysis, queer media) and I’m disabled so I’ve been worried about not having the energy for a traditional 9 to 5 sort of job, so I’d love to hear more about how you’re able to do the research you’re passionate about!

Honestly, I got here by accident, and I'm still figuring things out as I go. I don't make much money and right now I feel like my work is in a period of transition. I have plans, but some days it feels like I'm barely making baby steps.

I started writing when I was pretty young, and I read every single "how to write" guide I could get my hands on via the library or bookstore. I wrote constantly. Short stories, various false starts at baby's first novel, even newsletters for school activities and community clubs. I was most focused on fiction at first, but I learned a lot about nonfiction as well.

I got involved in online writing communities back when forums were still a big deal, and I joined Twitter back in 2009 when it was still new and there was a massive author and freelancer community. (Anyone else remember before retweets were a thing? We had to copy, paste, and manually type out "RT @[user]" like barbarians.) I learned an absolute fuckton about the craft and the industry by talking directly with other writers, literary agents, editors, and various other people in the field. From the time I was like 14, I was interacting with professional writers, sharing my work for feedback, and racking up rejection letters from magazines and literary agents (which was a badge of honor in the communities I was hanging out in, because it meant you were working hard and refusing to quit). When I was 17, my best friend even scraped together money from their shitty fast food job to pay for us to attend a major writing conference in Denver, where we participated in all kinds of classes and panels with industry professionals.

My mother was also writing at the time, and I got a lot of support from her. She had a blog that got a decent amount of interaction, because this was right around the rise of the Mommy Blogger and my mom wrote from the perspective of a socially-isolated tattooed punk mom who never planned to have kids (which was unusual in a landscape of perfect housewives with perfect photogenic babies with weirdly-spelled Mormon names they chose when they were kids). Eventually my mom started writing for a website owned by Yahoo, to supplement the household income while staying home to care for my little siblings. When I decided I wanted to take a whack at freelancing, she gave me a lot of advice on how to get started. I also had a writing class at school taught by a teacher who made it a class project to submit to magazines, so I basically got a head-start on freelance life. I wrote a lot of random articles for a website that's since gone defunct, and I submitted a lot of short stories to contests and magazines. Didn't really make a lot of money, but I learned a ton and got a lot of experience.

When I made it to college, I studied anthropology and French. I'd planned to study history, but switched my track after a single semester because anthropology suited me better. I took a lot of AP classes in high school and did well on all the standardized testing, so I managed to get a full academic scholarship and skip right past a few of my gen eds. Unfortunately for me, I had a lot of difficult life experiences during that time period, and I started to struggle in pretty much everything that wasn't directly related to my degree. I failed Latin so bad I didn't bother to go to the final exam, because even a perfect grade wouldn't have saved me. I fucked up my algebra grade beyond salvation. Those two classes alone tanked my GPA enough that I lost my academic scholarship, and I wound up dropping out entirely. Grades in my required courses were solid, but the scholarship requirements meant I had to do well across the board or lose my funding.

My mother still has debt from getting loans to pursue a master's degree, and I knew damn well I didn't want that kind of student debt piling up on me, so I opted for dropping out. Sometimes I regret it a little, but I honestly think it was the best option. I was having so much emotional upheaval on top of the academic stress that I needed time away to figure myself out. I graduated high school early, so I was like two years younger than everyone around me, and I didn't have many friends. I lived at home and came to campus just long enough to go to class, so I had nothing in common with my classmates who lived in dorms and participated in campus activities. I missed orientation because I registered late, the administration sent me to the transfer student registration day instead of the new student registration day, and I didn't get any "here's how you navigate university life" support. I didn't know I was supposed to have a one-on-one academic advisor for a year and a half, and when I finally met him, his only comment on the matter was, "wow, I wondered why you hadn't come to see me yet!" without any sort of inquiry into how a fuckup on that scale was allowed to happen in the first place. I wasn't set up for success by university administration, and I burnt out hard. I dropped out.

My wife encouraged me to do what was going to be best for me mentally instead of letting finances dictate my next step. She had a steady job, and even though we were still pretty broke, her support let me drop out of college and focus on recovery. A lot of people gave me shit because their perception was that I was dropping out of college to become "just a housewife," and they couldn't fathom why. From my perspective, I'd been given a lifeline.

I took care of our shitty little one-bedroom apartment. I read a lot of books and played a lot of Minecraft. When I felt up to it, I did some more freelancing. My wife was working unholy hours in a factory and we didn't get to spend much time together. I started doing tarot reading as a side hustle, and we started making vague plans to move somewhere better for us, but saving up was hard.

Things felt stagnant for a long time. I didn't write very much, I wasn't really doing anything related to my studies. I wrote when I had energy, and I kept scraping together extra cash doing tarot readings while my wife started working a new job in a lumber yard. Her support is the only reason I was able to recover and figure myself out, so big shout-out to my beloved working woman wifey. God, I love her.

Eventually we packed up and moved to a different state so we could be closer to my family. I got a job baking for a coffee shop. I wrote whenever I could. When I got laid off from the coffee shop, I realized there was no way in hell I could keep working a regular job without sacrificing my health, so I went back to writing full-time. (The Queen of Cups was written during this period.)

At some point I started getting back into anthropology and history research, just for fun. I didn't have money to finish my degree, but I had enough academic experience to know how to track down and evaluate good sources. I wasn't really trying to do anything for career purposes, I was just incredibly bored and wanted to study something again, so I got really, really into studying local history. Once I read everything I could about that, I jumped to another topic I was interested in, and then another. Media studies became my biggest focus as a natural outgrowth of my interests in speculative fiction, animation, and the history of the entertainment industry. I studied anthropology in school because I loved learning how and why humans do the things we do, and media studies always felt like an obvious facet of that. It's part of why I was always obsessed with cave paintings and paleolithic sculptures--people make art! It's what we do! It's what we've always done!

Anyway, I now live in a university town that has resources available to the public, and I have friends who work in various university libraries or as professors. I started making use of whatever I could get access to. I read a lot of nonfiction books from independent researchers pursuing their own passion projects, I got really into video essays on YouTube, and I had the epiphany that you don't actually have to finish college to study and write about things as long as you put in the quality research and source all your information. At some point I started calling it my "DIY academia," which my university-employed friends found utterly delightful.

Honestly, I credit my formal-academia friends with a lot. They've all been an incredible source of support and reassurance, and have helped me track down quite a few sources I was having trouble getting my hands on. Everyone do yourself a favor and make friends with someone who works in a university library.

I started a Patreon several years ago (in like 2017 I think?), primarily for my fiction writing, but there's plenty of other things that have shown up there over the years (art, cosplay, essays, etc.). As I started getting more into my DIY academia, folks started expressing interest in seeing me write about it. My tumblr posts about media generated a decent amount of attention, I'd managed to build up a platform, and it wasn't hard to say, "okay, screw it: I have freelance experience and I know how to write a paper, does anyone want to pay me for it?"

I haven't been submitting to existing publications like I used to, mostly because I don't have a decent portfolio assembled. My old freelance work in high school and college was for a platform that closed down a decade ago, and no matter how popular they get I can't bring myself to include tumblr posts alongside professional credits. My current plan is to build a portfolio on my website showing off the commissions I've been taking, and then start submitting to magazines and newspapers again between my other work. I'd love to eventually write for something like Polygon or IGN.

It's hard. I love research, I love writing, and I love sharing information with people, but having to DIY everything is really, really hard. I often feel like I'm just throwing nonsense into the void in the hope someone will like it and leave a tip in my Ko-Fi. I don't have formal academic credentials beyond "I was planning my senior thesis about the ethics of investigating ancient burial sites, but then I dropped out." I just have a neurodivergent brain, a handful of special interests, a wife who works the graveyard shift in a lab to pay our bills, and the ability to hyperfixate on research for absurd lengths of time.

The most common advice I used to get about freelancing is that you just have to keep throwing things at the wall to see what sticks. It's been years since then, but I think the advice still applies. Read a lot, learn a lot, and write about the things you're most interested in. Search around and look for magazines and newspapers and websites that accept unsolicited freelance submissions. Read the other articles they publish to see how your work stacks up. Submit, submit, submit. Rake in rejection letters and keep them as a reminder of how hard you're working. If you're up for it, start a Patreon to post the things you don't submit elsewhere. The worst thing that can happen is that people don't give you money, but maintaining it still helps you lay the groundwork for a portfolio and a reader base.

I deal with a lot of hellacious impostor syndrome. I worry a lot that I'm just a hack who doesn't actually know what they're talking about. Like I said, I got here totally by accident, but whatever I'm doing seems to be working for me. I'm broke, but my work is being read, and opportunities for more work show up when I least expect them. I'm not sure what's next for me, but I'm excited to figure it out. Money's tight, but I keep enduring despite the chaos. I throw things at the wall, I see what sticks, I clean up whatever flops and then try it again later. Wash, rinse, repeat.

It's hard, but so is everything else. I like it better than a lot of other things I could be doing.

#original post

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