#this is about restart specifically

[lunanoc]

top ten greatest betrayals i should have seen coming tbf is finding out in real time how substantial the differences between the versions of the dmbj books that have been translated and the versions that were published are

[xitsensunmoon]

The shittiest part about big projects is even if you do slowly go through the whole thing, your skill grows with the progress, and suddenly you want to revisit the start point of your project with your new skills because now it's not as good as the rest of it...

[mamawasatesttube]

i think it would be really funny to do a time travel thing with oyl tim seeing a future where he's married to kon. because while he might be in the deepest depths of his grief and going crazy without kon, it has not even begun to cross his mind yet that he might be in love with him or something and this man is NOT ready to confront the possibility of his own bisexuality. guy who sees himself happily married and has a mental breakdown about it. this is a new and exciting set of existential crises for tim, and a comedy for me (i point and laugh as he wails from within the torment nexus)

[every-eye-evermore]

Darkness falls upon the dawn, the shadows start to play ⚡️

[metiredlr]

THIS is the exact moment Endou rizzed them both up

[day-mark]

god i fucking love competitive play, i love watching high level, skilled gameplay from passionate players, i love learning the statistics for each player and the game as a whole, i love hearing everyone and especially the casters glaze the fuck out of my favorite players. mc summit/mojang and mc.c you will be fucking dealt with .

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

Hi? Gosh how do I even start with this :'D

I know it's been ages since I've last popped up on here. I've been debating when to post this for a while, but I kept adding to my draft more and more and now it's the end of JULY omgg I felt so guilty disappearing with zero updates but then thought my birthday would be the best day to finally address this considering it'll feel less random? idk but Ive always celebrated my bday with you guys and I'd feel so bad answering your kind asks without me at least explaining why I was gone for months.

Truth be told, I was dealing with a lot of stuff irl. health issues and sudden declining grades that left me stumped and drained for months now- along with technical issues like having to replace some parts of my computer that took a while for me to find to even draw digitally, which I didn't have the time for anyway with how tired and weary I felt every day.

I'm frankly shaken up by a lot of shit rn and I don't know how to be active online with this burden on my chest- Especially as it's been a while since I've even looked at utmv related content and my motivation dwindled. I swear I'd hype myself up to post or reblog something- but I'd see just how much I've missed or the overwhelming amount of posts I'd need to go through and I'd feel so swamped with exhaustion and most importantly guilt, for not clearing the air up sooner to reassure you guys that I'm, y'know, alive, and not dead in a ditch somewhere. And I'd procrastinate cause typing it all out is hard and I'd give up halfway every time and it's just not fair to you all!

I thought I was handling it well when I started going out and socializing more, instead of staying cooped up at home on my computer all day. and in the first draft of this post I made months ago I was gonna detail some of the fun plans I had, for my life and for this blog :D but relaxing my strict study schedule and letting go a bit of my tight routine, thinking it was better than wringing myself dry to keep it up, backfired horribly, to say the least.

I know right?? so silly to be hung up on stupid shit like studies of all things! but this is a very important thing for me considering my career plans and the competitivity encouraged by everyone I'm surrounded by, the pressure of keeping up adding to my already stressful days. I had to fix myself up first and I couldn't handle the strain nor interact with people and thinking of jobs and exams sapped my energy so much it's frankly embarrassing. writing this feels so cheesy too and it frustrates me to know I could've come back a month earlier if it weren't for that, but I also know putting all of this into words then would just sound like incoherent venting (not that this is very different tbf) and I wasn't in the right headspace to address my absence, or anything really- I didn't want everyone to see me return when I couldn't muster up a genuinely positive message, let alone talk to anyone with a shadow of my usual cheer

I feel like a complete mess and It drives me up the wall how depressed I've gotten. I debated deleting this blog so many times 'cause the fear of disappointing my audience and my friends, for lack of a more fitting sentiment, made me feel even shittier. I'm constantly thinking if this wall of text is worth posting, or if it's better not to burden you all with all my sappy troubles as if it's the end of the world. Trust me, I'll be fine. I'm not trying to dramatize this situation, but I don't think I'm up to pretending I'm all sunshine and enthusiasm you're all accustomed to.

So sorry for worrying you all! I'll try to catch up, deliver some missed birthday gifts, and answer some asks while I'm at it! Again, I can't state how much I appreciate your support throughout the years. It's frankly a miracle I kept any of you around with how much I keep popping and leaving at random with no warning. I definitely can't promise for my stay to be without a hitch, and if you don't mind an inconsistent schedule you're free to stay of course, but I'm afraid I can't sustain the pace I had when I first started this blog. I'll keep posting art, but lower my activity in the fandom sphere to reduce the strain on my mental health. so fewer rants and walls of text, more art, and less stress overall. Love you all and thanks for waiting for this long <3

[soup-mother]

bad news for the battle between my desire to make an RPGmaker game and my desire to make a visual novel: i have ideas for both of those things and will inevitably try doing both of them :)

[toki-toro]

Sharing this prematurely because I made a mistake with his limbs and will be restarting. But look at the boy I’m so proud of him for turning semi 3d

[fizzyghosts]

Hywel is inspired by a mix of my issues with stories with nonhuman protagonist/about nonhumans becoming human AND vet posts ive seen warning people about the dangers of anthropomorphisizing animals. Its fine to joke about your pets doing things out of spite or other human emotions, it does put you at risk of not being able to read their body language correctly. Cats dont cry out of sadness, a cat crying, with actual tears streaming down its face, is a sign of a medical issue. A dog smiling isn't doing it bc its happy, it means its nervous. Not being able to spot these is bad, and sometimes even dangerous, for you and the animal.

If you never get past Hywel's human appearance and treat him like one its like getting a reactive dog, doing zero research or training, and then taking it to a dog park. If Hywel mauls someone in town then its on you.

[verminfang]

Sometimes you just have to acknowledge your brain requires following incredibly embarrassing incentives to get around to doing things

[auroraboringaliceinwonderland]

Videogame AU where the whole show is just a video game and the actions being made by Merlin are not his own but made by the person with the controller behind the screen. That is until one day he tires of their idiocy and decides to take matters - his destiny - into his own hands.

No more following the legends; no more being controlled; no more puppetry. This is his story now, and he’s going to see that it’s the best that it can be.

[llycaons]

thought about dante again and his deal is just so. ouhhhhhhhgh

[cephalopodiums]

Analysis of 'Aska i vinden' in a Disco Elysium context

So, another post about a hbd-core Swedish song inspired me to finally make this analysis of 'Aska i vinden', a song mentioned in DE.

Game quote: [failed the Shivers check in front of the FELD-building] YOU - "I am trying to ask the wind." TRANT HEIDELSTAM - "Ask the wind or 'Aska i Vinden' is the name of a Vaasan lullaby," he remarks. "Maybe that helps?"

'Aska i vinden' does not actually translate into 'ask the wind', it means 'ash in the wind'. It also isn't a lullaby irl, it is a pop song and I have not found any mention of it being inspired by a lullaby, it seems to be a wholly original song. (Vaasa and Vaasan is the DE equivalent of Sweden (roughly) and Swedish btw, if you didn't know that.)

Anyway, on to the lyrics analysis below the cut

Swedish lyrics │ English translation │ [DE parallels]

Jag kan se att du nått din gräns nu I can see that you have reached your limit now [Parallels to Dora having enough of Harry] Jag kan se vart allt tar slut I can see where it all comes to an end [Parallels to the end of their relationship] Jag kan se alla miljarder stjärnor I can see all billions¹ of stars [Kinda parallels the Inland Empire portrait] Tändas upp bara för att dö ut Light up just to die out [This line and the previous parallels with the quote 'In dark times, should the stars also go out?' from the communist side quest]

Jag ser dig nere på T-centralen I see you down by the central station² [While not a metro station, I feel this parallels the aerodrome in being large/prominent transportation infrastructure] Du rycker till när våra blickar möts You flinch when our gazes³ meet [Parallels with the discomfort Dolores Dei/Dora felt when Harry talks to her when she tried to leave for the aerodrome] Jag ser hoppet i dina ögon I see the hope in your eyes [What Harry saw, or probably more accurately thinks and wants to have seen in Dolores Dei/Dora's eyes] Tändas upp bara för att dö ut Light up just to die out [Maybe this is what happened, Dora hoping for just a normal goodbye and then realizing no, Harry will try into the last moment to get her back]

Spring, spring för ditt liv, du kommer aldrig hitta hem Run, run for your life, you will never find your way home [Parallels the thoughts Lonesome Long Way Home/Hobocop] Spring, spring, spring för livet, vänd dig aldrig om igen Run, run, run for your life⁴, never turn back around again [Parallels the thought Cleaning Out the Rooms and the various warnings the skills give when Harry wants to find out about his past, for example the letter in his ledger] Spring, spring för ditt liv, för du är närmre än du tror Run, run for your life, because you're closer than you think [Parallels both that Harry is close to death at all times and that his memories are also close, sometimes just needing reminders or a bit of thought to return to him] Snart så är vi aska i vinden Soon we are ash in the wind [Parallels both the inevitable death of everything by pale if 'we' is used to refer to the people of Elysium and if 'we' is used to refer to Harry and Dora together, their relationship, being over to the point of only being ash in the wind, Harry and Dora no longer being a 'we' or an 'us' like Dolores Dei says: The atoms don't form us anymore: us, our love, our unborn daughters...]

Det finns en plats där alla minnen hamnar There is a place where all memories⁵ end up [Parallels the pale and the thought Cleaning Out the Rooms] Där allting rensas ut Where everything is cleaned out⁶ [Parallels Cleaning out the rooms to a T, and maybe the origin point of the pale, the nothingness, not the gradient or curdled milk] Kanske en plats där vi kan andas Maybe a place where we can breath [Parallels that Harry has a little more "room to breathe" now that he has lost the baggage of his memories and also this parallels the lung and breath imagery in Elysium] Där vi kan andas ut Where we can breathe out [Same as above, maybe parallels this line from Conceptualization about the pale: Instead of air, you exhale thoughts. There are no trees that eat thoughts.]

Och jag kan se att du nått din gräns nu And I see that you have reached your limit⁷ now Jag kan se vart allt tar slut I can see where it all comes to an end⁷ [Same as above, but I want to add a parallel to Le Retour, girlchild revolution and the end of an era] [Also just this line, I want to add the parallel to Harry knows about the end of Revachol] Jag kan se alla miljarder stjärnor I can see all billions of stars Tändas upp bara för att dö ut Light up just to die out [Same as above, but I want to add parallels to the communists in the revolution (having stars as a symbol) and also the disco stars of The New, they may not be billions but it is often used hyperbolically]

Spring, spring för ditt liv, du kommer aldrig hitta hem Run, run for your life, you will never find your way home⁸ Spring, spring, spring för livet, vänd dig aldrig om igen Run, run, run for your life, never turn back around again⁹ Spring, spring för ditt liv, för du är närmre än du tror Run, run for your life, because you are closer than you think Snart så är vi aska i vinden Soon we are ash in the wind [Same as above but I also want to add the parallels to these Shivers lines: SHIVERS - Your hair is an oily mess flecked with ash from neighbouring coal plants. Smoke stacks rise somewhere in the distance. SHIVERS - COME MORNING, I CARRY INDUSTRIAL DUST AND LET IT SETTLE ON TREE LEAVES. I SHAKE THE DUST FROM THOSE LEAVES AND ONTO YOUR COAT. (La Revacholière would carry the ashes of people to a nice place)]

So yeah, there you have it. There are some more parallels in the translation notes and I will put just the lyrics in a reblog on this post, if you want them alone without my commentary.

¹Billions in short scale specifically. ²T-centralen is actually a specific Swedish metro station, it is the biggest station for the Stockholm metro. I chose to translate/localize it to central station to aid in understanding the scale, importance and meaning conveyed by the word T-central. ³My translation is probably a grammatical bastardization of the idiom meet [somebody's] gaze, but you get the meaning of it and it stays truer to the Swedish version. ⁴The sentence 'Spring för livet' does not literally tranlate to 'run for your life', but it is it's meaning. Literally it translates to 'run for life'. ('Spring för ditt liv' actually does literally translate to and mean 'run for your life'.) I find the change of phrasing fascinating, as it can ad an additional way to read that line of the lyrics as 'running for the concept of life itself'. ⁵Here you can translate the word 'minnen' (it is in the definitive form) into both 'memories' and 'the memories' because they are both definitive, but the translations have different connotations. Both connotations are in the Swedish meaning of the word 'minnen' and there is no way to specify which one without use of additional explanatory words. I chose the phrasing of 'memories' to better fit with the parallel to the pale, but 'the memories' could also work well, as the connotation of that is that it is Harry's memories and it fits with the next line about cleaning out, as it is that what he does with his memories according to the thought Cleaning Out the Rooms. ⁶The phrasing 'rensas ut' (it is in gerund form, passive voice) can be more accurately be translated to 'is cleared out' (gerund form, passive voice), but 'is cleaned out' (gerund form, passive voice) is also a perfectly good translation and I chose it to parallel the thought Cleaning Out the Rooms. ⁷I did not foot note this earlier because it would make the grammar of the translation and the current word is more accurate in meaning, but... The word 'gräns' can not only be translated as 'limit' but 'border' as well. And idk, the word border reminds me of the porch collapse, especially with the next line about seeing 'where it all comes to an end', or the alternative translation 'where it all ends'. Which is exactly what you see at the porch collapse, you see where the world ends and the pale begins. So if we take these alternative translations and suppose the 'you' being referred/spoken to is the world, then you can think of it as the singer seeing the porch collapse, the approach of the end of the world. ⁸A fun thing just in the act of translation, not necessarily a meaning you can extract from the Swedish text but... If you literally translate 'du kommer aldrig hitta hem' it is 'you will never find home'. And you can read that translation as not finding a place that fits you, in the societal sense. Like the various Copotypes and political leanings Harry tries out/thinks about to try and find himself, who he is, and what titles/roles (places) fit him. He is trying to find home, in an identity sense as well. And it doesn't have to be *back* home, it just has to be home, a new one will suffice too. ⁹I think the word 'again' could actually be left our in the translation, to give it another connotation that is included in 'vänd dig aldrig om igen'. I interpret the meaning of the Swedish sentence as both the meaning 'never turn back again' implying the singer has turned around before and 'never turn back' which does not imply the singer having turned back before. But am a bit unsure of that though, so take it with a grain of salt.

[taniushka12]

my new year goal to start using letterboxd again vs the fact that the very first movie I watched in the year is a Beatles documentary............

[mynameis-snail]

sobbing crying throwing up trying so so hard to gain the Toque Dork thought