#this is about beloved tomb idiots

[lungache]

I can't reply to your post but hello if you want to talk about it i would love to hear EVERYTHING about your thoughts on x men mutants dmbj 👀

I'M MAKING THIS A POST BECAUSE I WANT TO SCREAM ABOUT IT TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS WILL LISTEN. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to yell into the void.

So this isn't an X-Mn AU as much as it is a mutant AU because I think mutants fit really well into the DMBJ universe! Many mutants live and work on the outskirts of society, and the tombs welcome those kinds of outcasts. I also think it would be cool to see teams of graverobbers that have a lot of morlock-types, too. Because this is a place where their powers are useful and can potentially make them money in a world that is otherwise inhospitable. I feel like DMBJ has always written graverobbing as a society outside of society.

I have SO many mutant AUS. So. Many. I have a whole different Pangxie one, but this is the big one that I have that I might actually write.

First and foremost, the M9 are families with generations of mutants who got rich graverobbing who have mutations that are just inherently useful in the tombs AND that allow them to pass as non-mutant. I've been cooking up power groups for the different families but would love input!

Wu Xie: Kate Pryde/Shadowcat

> The ability to phase through objects, walls, and people/intangibility. Disrupts electrical fields. Slight levitation.

I imagine the Wu's having powers along this vein: intangibility, like Wu Xie, some have teleportation (I have another AU where he has Kurt's powers lol), and the like. Obviously, these kinds of powers are just OP in tombs. Being able to phase yourself through walls and potentially through any dangerous traps is a god send, you can understand how with powers like that the Wu's became so wealthy. You can get in and out of there in no time. But have no fear! Wu Xie figures out how to make such a powerful tool into a weapon to use against himself and others completely on accident. You can have intangibility but that doesn't cancel out being clumsy and having rotten luck. I think it could also be interesting for him to still be working out how to use his powers in this context for the first few years and then we see him being an old hat at it in his later years.

(Now, these were NOT selected because of any connection between the characters. It's truly a "I wonder how these characters would utilize these powers" kind of deal, not because I think the characters are alike. HOWEVER, I do think the comparison between the two characters is kind of interesting just because there is the stark development from the naive, bright eyed younger versions of those characters who develop into darker, more jaded people. People who have killed. People who will kill again. And all that.)

Pangzi: Colossus

> Body turns to "organic steel" giving him super strength, endurance, and speed. I've been debating making it so instead of being able to turn his body to metal he is simply metal all the time, unlike Piotr. I haven't decided, though.

Stay with me, here: statuesque, shiny, super strong Pangzi. See, you like it, too! You see the vision! Pangzi already has canonical near-super strength, I see no reason not to make it official. IIRC, Colossus is also, like, Heavier. 500 pounds heavy. So it would make those "you're too heavy" comments they always give Pangzi hold a little more weight (ha). It's a power that would come in handy as a tank in a tomb but also come with its own set of complications, too, that I think would be fun to explore. For example, in TLT2, they do a lot of swimming- in his metal form, Colossus can't swim, he sinks.

(I know it LOOKS like I picked Colossus for Pangzi because I picked Kitty for Wu Xie. I promise I didn't. If for no other reason Pangxie actually STAY married.)

Xiaoge: Wolvrine.

> Do I need to explain this one? Immortality, super healing, adamantium skeleton (given to him by the Zhangs), cool knife hands. 

I may have a love/hate relationship with Logan but my love for Xiaoge is pure and never ending. Alas, they do have the shared life experience of being old as balls and having the memories of swiss cheese.

There's something about Xiaoge having this power set and going through incredible trials to become the man he is today that just make Sense for Zhang Qiling to me. He was chosen because of who he is, WHAT he is. He's been boiled down to what he can do and used as a weapon, a tool in a lot of ways. He also has such a complicated relationship with death and dying, something that adds flavor to his title to me? (Has Logan ever met death? I know Wade has a whole relationship with her, and he got his powers from Logan's DNA. Xiaoge having met death would be FASCINATING.)

And? Honestly? I just think Xiaoge should have blades in his knuckles, that just sounds dope as hell and he deserves them.

I know them having these powers takes away some of the DANGER involved in the series. They are way, way less likely to die- which, to me, just means the tombs should try harder.

Also debating between making Hei Xiazi Mystique (the POTENTIAL of him being a shapeshifter is OFF THE CHARTS, plus she is already immortal) or Destiny (precognition, blind character who is able to "see" because she is able to see the future a few seconds ahead). Both are juicy.

I would love to talk to people about this, about other versions of this AU, about places you agree/disagree, anything and everything. DM me? We can chat here or on discord!

[jhuzen]

i’m not sure if you’re taking requests right now so feel free to ignore/delete this if not ! i wanted to request a piece on a jealous al haitham where reader starts fawning over how pretty kaveh is when they meet for the first time! this is mostly cuz that was my own reaction after seeing kaveh HAHA m!reader too please! thank you :]

reticent jealousy [m.reader]

i have emerged from my tomb of university things. and i sincerely thank you anon for giving me such a fun request! this is so fun to write considering that i’ve been ignoring haitham in anticipation for kaveh’s ass LMAO. it’s also a little longer than what i intended since i wanted to oil my gears in writing again, i hope you don’t mind hehe.

𖦹 alhaitham being jealous of mister nuisance roommate, reader forgets the concept of personal space

Ever the charming man you are, you never failed to entice the people you’ve surrounded yourself with. With your charismatic wit and sincerity, coupled with that good looks you’ve somehow acquired from your beloved parents, it was not rocket science to figure out why people were drawn to you like moths to an attractive flame. You constantly piqued the interests of each and every person in the vicinity. It was natural to be attracted to you, you were beyond mesmerizing.

So much that you even managed to capture Alhaitham’s interest. Meeting him at the Akademiya was nothing short of interesting. Your family sent you to study in Haravatat — coincidentally being under the same Darshan as the now infamous scribe. Though it was not your interest, you complied out of respect to your parents, staying in between being average and excelling with barely a half of your efforts.

Alhaitham, at first, thought you were an idiot — only to realize how much bigger of an idiot you are when he came to see just how well off you truly are in your studies with you coming in clean that your far better grades than most students was just a product of your thirty percent effort.

Despite your open expression of fondness to certain things (which, admittedly, had given you a disposition of an exuberant airhead), Alhaitham respected you as a colleague and had even given you some of his approval when you would open up to him about your true passion.

Much like how people appreciated the handsome masterpiece that is you, you yourself beheld the beauty of the world. You loved anything that was pleasing in the eyes, and your hands worked to capture them in your paintings. If one took a good look at your works, one could see the inherent romanticism that you displayed. Everything and everyone was beautiful in your eyes, and among the cold and tired and researchers under your Darshan, you were the shining beacon of sincerity.

Really, it wasn’t so hard to fall for you. And Alhaitham went in ahead and tripped, and fell right into your strong arms.

Though his pride served as a hindrance in professing his affections that were left cooped up inside him for the entirety of your years spent as scholars in Akademiya, your observant eyes and empathic attitude finally gave mercy and aided his pining for you and did the asking for him instead.

Thus the beginning of the sneaked through kisses on your visitations in the scribe’s office, the nights he has spent with you in your home to avoid a certain roommate of his, the dates that were spent by the edge of cliffs, with his head on your lap as he read while you painted the romantic hues of the sunsets in Sumeru — all of which you cherished and Alhaitham even more.

You have always proudly proclaimed that Alhaitham was your greatest muse, and it was rarely a stretch considering that there was an office in your quaint little home that was filled with to the brim of masterpieces you created with your beloved as your sole subject. The sketches that were hastily pinned on a foam board, the paintings of him that gave the man a far more lively depiction of himself than the real one, and the pièce de résistance of your living portfolio was the your lover’s torso, sculpted to perfection.

(You swore you’d put his head in it, but he grew to realize that it would take awhile on the times he’d catch you locked up in your room, in a daze while tracing your fingers on the grooves of his sculpted abs.)

And while Alhaitham valued subjective opinions so little, when it comes to you, your words are his scriptures, his guides that he could never let go of. He waited with bated breath every time he silently sought your approval on how he looks, on how he presents himself as it was an investment to your love — the man that appreciates beauty out of everyone else — he sees it as a way to reciprocate your care. He puts in great effort for you just to return the sincerity that you bring him.

Either way, there was absolutely nothing that could break you apart. And whether people were in the know of your status in your relations with each other, everyone in Sumeru City was aware that wherever you are, the now Acting Grand Sage is always close by and the same applies vice versa.

And today just happened to be one of the times that you were free from your commissions that you’ve received from overseas and Alhaitham was surprisingly free despite his much busier schedule as the Acting Grand Sage.

There was an undeniable bliss in the atmosphere as you strolled around with your beloved and in the silence that you and Alhaitham held, there was comfort and respite. No words were truly needed the moment his hand slipped into yours, barely concealed by his coat that asymmetrically hung onto his form from the public eye.

“Ah!” you suddenly blurted, breaking the silence between you and your lover and catching Alhaitham’s attention, “Look at those fine ceramics! Judging from the design, they’re imported from Liyue, hang on, dearest.”

Alhaitham’s lips turned down into a subtle frown when your hand left his grasp, unable to feel the familiar light callouses that you’ve obtained from working your hands to the bone in your line of work. He looked up from his book to see you gravitating towards a certain stall, eyes narrowing at the way the girl behind the goods seemed far more entranced to your visage than keeping watch of her wares.

He gets it though, he understands more than anyone else. He was meant to be the untouchable Alhaitham — the man that cannot be swayed by just a pretty face. But you yourself broke past his walls without even knowing it, he was already convinced he has to be with the pretty boy of Haravatat. You were the unstoppable force to his immovable object and the only solution when you met ended up with his lips on yours and him underneath you, completely under your mercy.

Still, it doesn’t shake off the fact that you are objectively a handsome man, someone inherently charming with the sharp wits to boot. Alhaitham was sure that even if you can’t provide, someone will be infatuated enough to provide for you (however this in itself is not him admitting that he is near that stage… definitely not). People will throw themselves at your feet, and women and men have approached you with a hidden motive countless times during your dates with him.

Though it was consoling to see you reject them with grace (though he preferred a brutal slap to the face), there was a thought that kept intruding within him when he saw the reality upon dating one of the most sought out men in Sumeru.

You were a man that appreciated and sought beauty. And in truth, he wasn’t just your muse although he was your frequent one. There was always something unsettling the moment your eyes lay on a person who you find appealing, and his scowl couldn’t help but be evident when even without having to be naturally seductive, the way your flustering touches reach other people to convince them to be your muse.

Alhaitham had a green-eyed monster that he unknowingly nursed — its jealous head rearing out on certain moments, breathing down on his neck whenever you left him, your beloved muse.

And it seems as though the fates have woven a test for him. A test that certainly does not appeal to his fancy.

“Oi! Alhaitham, you jerk! Did you steal my keys again?! You locked me out of our— ahem, my apartment again!”

The Acting Grand Sage’s eyes immediately narrowed when he heard that familiar voice. One that he often used as an excuse to come and stay the night with you (really, he never needed an excuse, but his ego refused to absolutely be fragile even to you at moments). He pondered his options, and the choice him just turning away was the most inviting one, yet he knew that would only prompt his roommate to whine louder and attract more attention.

He turned towards Kaveh, his blank expression masking the little exasperation that’s bubbling up inside him, “I’ve never seen your keys.” It was a lie, as it sat snugly in his pockets for a good day now. “Why do you always come to accuse me of such things?”

Kaveh was quick to scoff at Alhaitham’s question, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms before prattling on, “Oh don’t give me that hooey! I know it’s you! Instead of coming home from my projects and just relaxing, I have to go see if Cyno’s still awake to crash into his place!”

“Maybe if you pay your rent, you can stop losing your keys more,” a silent dig had Kaveh faltering with a huff.

“So it is you!” The blonde only shifted his footing before leaning in to jab his finger into Alhaitham’s chest, “And maybe I’ll pay my rent if you start losing those hideous decorations. I’ve only liked one thing and it was that painting that you suddenly brought home.”

“What I do with my money is none of your business,” Alhaitham cooly brushed Kaveh’s accusations off — of course it was deliberate every time he purchased a vase or a rug that had a clashing color palette, or anything remotely sacrilegious in an artist’s (more so yours) eye. But he wouldn’t deny that one painting. It was something he brought home from you, something you even encouraged for him to take as a gift from you on a random day.

Kaveh pinched the bridge of his nose as he heaved a begrudged sigh, “Whatever. Just lend me my keys and—”

“Oh! Aren’t you just the most darling man I’ve ever seen!”

Alhaitham’s heart stopped and instantly dropped down to his stomach when that angelic voice of yours suddenly rang in his ears.

Apart from his crudely decorated purchases, one reason why he never once wanted you to visit him in his apartment often is mostly for the fear of you having to meet his roommate. All for numerous reasons — something that Alhaitham foresaw that he wouldn’t be in favor of in the slightest bit. You know he has a roommate, and knew that Kaveh was the reason why Alhaitham looks relatively exasperated on certain days. For so long, you’ve wanted to meet this man, and yet Alhaitham blatantly refuses because he’s afraid that Kaveh’s ineptness would rub off on you or that you might start taking clients out of the goodness of your heart and not as a proper job.

“What?”

“What.”

Kaveh scoffed, “Oh, just great. Here’s another one of your admirers. Give me the damn key and I’ll leave before I start hurling my precious lunch in the middle of the street.”

And yet both men stiffened up when you passed by Alhaitham, your gaze can be completely mistaken for something lovestruck as you gravitated towards Kaveh. The blonde froze as your pretty face got closer to his, your eyes scrutinizing his features, and even then, the poor architect could only avert his eyes from yours, flustered, before meeting Alhaitham’s darkening gaze, only furthering his confusion.

You finally leaned back, “Ah— Apologies for invading your personal space—! I just! I just find you absolutely breathtaking!” Your sincerity was quick to reach Kaveh, and his face erupted into a blooming shade of bright red. “Oh! What a cute boy you are! And your proportions are undoubtedly stunning!”

“W-Wha—?”

Alhaitham watched in silent mortification when one of your gentle hands trailed towards Kaveh’s arm, sliding down to grasp his hand and bringing his arm up, “Give me a little spin, won’t you please?” You asked with a smile of plea.

Utterly confused and still dumbfounded and embarrassed, Kaveh couldn’t find himself to refuse your polite request (he’d love to call it coercion, but you were so nice) and spun around, his hand still within your warm grasp. He could feel his heart stutter when he heard your pleased hum of approval.

“A good eye for fashion too!” Your hand finally left his and stepped back, “Oh! You are perfect!”

Alhaitham’s eyes narrowed. His arms quickly crossed to his chest — a defense mechanism as the familiar dread slowly sunk in him, spreading to every single crevice of his body. His muscles tensed with every sing of praise that left your lips, with every touch you left on Kaveh’s form, and the way his nuisance of a roommate certainly relished in the sudden attention you’re giving him.

Worst part of it all is that Kaveh wasn’t even remotely aware that you were dating Alhaitham in the first place; that this admiration of yours was just you fawning over your new chosen muse. But he doesn’t know that — so your fondness can be quickly mistaken for blatant lovestruck adoration.

“‘Haitham! Doesn’t he look amazing?” You finally turned to your lover, whose eyes grew soft quick the moment your attention was on his.

Kaveh wrinkled his nose, “…Huh? ‘Haitham’? You know this man?” He asked, his embarrassed look finally reverting into that familiar expression of annoyance as he looked at Alhaitham.

“Of course! You know him as well?” You tilted your head a little to the side with a small smile.

The blonde was strained as he nodded, “He’s… an acquaintance.”

“My roommate,” Alhaitham finally clarified with a displeased grunt. It’s one way to rip the anticipation off, and in an instant, your eyes were elated as you turned to his roommate’s direction.

“So you’re the illustrious ‘nuisance roommate’ Kaveh…” you chuckled a little as you lent your hand to the architect, “It’s nice to finally meet ‘Haitham’s roommate.”

Kaveh took your hand and shook it cautiously, eyes narrowing a little. If you’re in the company of Alhaitham, surely you have some form unbearable personality as well… especially with that disarming sincerity that you exuded, “And you’re the…?”

“The boyfriend,” you stated, clear as a day with a small smile on your face and Kaveh’s grip tightened on your hand.

“The what?!”

“It’s not so shocking,” Alhaitham finally interrupted your conversation with his roommate, his arms uncrossing as he took a step closer to you. “And no, I didn’t pay him.” He already interjected before Kaveh could accuse you the same way he did to the traveler and their floating companion on their first meet.

“I certainly would’ve given a receipt if he did.”

Kaveh’s hand fell from your grip as his life crumbled before his eyes. His roommate that he classifies as the most unbearable person in the whole universe… is suddenly taken? By you? A handsome guy that he has never met in his whole life for some reason? He has to take a reality check, and his vision blurred. No way his loser of a roommate is getting laid before him.

Absolute sacrilege.

Meanwhile, Alhaitham had half a mind to take you and just leave Kaveh while he processed the sudden drop of information. But there was a sick sense of satisfaction that coursed through the Acting Grand Sage’s veins when Kaveh had an existential crisis just because he was absolutely clueless to all the hints that pointed to him having a lover. It was entertaining, to say the least, and once again, Alhaitham had the upper hand.

However that satisfaction soon melted into raw jealousy when your hands clasped Kaveh’s bringing them up as you finally worked your charms.

“So then, Mister nuisance roommate, I hope you don’t mind if I ask a moment of your time.”

Kaveh blinked out of his stupor, suddenly becoming flustered when your hands enveloped his, “N-No— I don’t mind… what do you need?”

And like a man about to profess his love to someone, your eyes glimmered as you popped the question;

“Will you be my muse for this month’s project?”

Alhaitham’s hands itched to grab a hold of you and tear you away from his roommate as his eyes glowered and dug into Kaveh’s form with absolute malice and jealousy. Why did you even have to find his mess of a roommate remotely attractive? What even is so ‘beautiful’ about Kaveh that you just had to touch him? Do you even have to be that close to ask him to be your muse? And why do you keep showering him with praises?

Poor Kaveh had little chance to refuse you as you looked at him so expectantly. Letting out a reluctant yes, you absolutely glowed before showering him some more praises, and ecstatically telling him that you will be over Alhaitham’s apartment to discuss further details with him.

And while Alhaitham simmered in his jealousy, he failed to notice Kaveh finally leaving and you coming back to him.

It’s like his vision cleared when he finally felt your arm snake around his waist, pulling him closer to be your side, “Your roommate is rather adorable, dear,” you said, sneaking a kiss to his temple.

Alhaitham scoffed, “I’d rather you not say that while expressing any form of affection to me.” His tone was cold, but even you can feel how utterly upset your dearest love is.

You only laughed before pinching the lean fat on his waist, prompting the stoic man to jolt, “I find your jealousy far more adorable, however.”

“So you were being deliberate earlier?”

“Oh, absolutely not. I just do it so none of the muses I ask can refuse, though my compliments are of utmost sincerity,” you said before flashing Alhaitham that cheeky grin that he found himself admiring for the nth time now. “It’s a good psychological tactic, y’know?”

“At the expense of your lover’s feelings. How crude,” Alhaitham huffed. “You’re going to have to make up for the poor treatment you’ve given to me.”

The sultry grin on your face was enough for Alhaitham to know that he won’t be coming home tonight.

Ah. Kaveh’s keys are still in his pocket.

Oh well.

[hils79]

Hils Watches Conjuring Curse - Part 1

IT'S BABY TRIANGLE MOVIE DAY! Sorry to Mysterious Lotus Casebook but my tomb boys come first. I'll be back to you later.

Disclaimer: I adore DMBJ. It's been my main fandom for the past 3 years. But there's no denying it's utter nonsense so proceed in the knowledge that I will most likely be (fondly) roasting the shit out of this

I have no idea how many parts this liveblog is going to be. The movie is nearly 2 hours long, and those who have been around for a while will know that I am very Not Normal about these idiot boys.

Okay, I'm going in!

Okay, so we're starting with a flasback to grandpa Wu. Interesting.

Ah, shit, I forgot about the creepy dolls from the trailer and the poster. Thankfully it's lunchtime here so it's not dark. Yes, I am a wuss even when it comes to stupid tomb shows

NOPE NOPE NOPE

I hope we cut to the Iron Triangle soon or this liveblog is just going to be me screaming about scary dolls

DUDE THAT WAS NASTY! I'm not sharing a screenshot because you didn't really see much but random dude just died horribly

XIAOGE!! Just the back of his head and I'm already having feelings

PANGZI MY BELOVED! He's wearing the necklace! I'm fine! Absolutely normal. Is that a translation of what it says on his shirt or they just telling us what his job is?

In this house we speak to Pangzi with some fucking respect!

THERE HE IS! He just saved Pangzi's life when a trap activated so I am awash with pingpang feels already.

Sigh. I suppose subbing Xiaoge as Qiling is better than subbing it as Kylin

Of course he's keeping count. God.

SOBBING IN PINGPANG

Of course someone has mailed Wu Xie a cursed doll. That's the plot of so many DMBJ fics

Retirement?? You look like you should still be at university studying architecture

Xiaoge napping in the back while Wu Xie and Pangzi discuss the plot while driving. Yep, this is definitely DMBJ

I'm assuming this is supposed to be set some time between Sha Hai and Reboot, but he has big Ultimate Note Pangzi vibes

Okay, I love them. All Pangzi does is say 'can you smell gas' and Wu Xie immediately knows what he's doing and goes along with the fake gas leak so they have an excuse to break into the house

It's so true (affectionate)

Aww yay he's doing the hand thing

They said the title of the thing in the thing!

Look at Xiaoge standing on the roof of the van while it drives along like a total badass

Now I see why Xiaoge is on the roof. Not just so he can act as lookout, but because everyone else is inside being Loud. He really is introvert goals.

Aww Wu Xie tossed him some water. Gotta keep hydrated.

No one can murder us while Xiaoge is here. It's fine.

Of course the shady gang of bandits know Wu Xie

Yeah, you've heard of me. But have you heard of my (other) boyfriend who will most definitely fuck you all up if you try to kill me

Yep, definitely need to inform the authorities about this definitely not illegal tomb raid we're about to embark on

Not sure how I feel about Wu Xie threatening to use Xiaoge as a weapon. Not that I think he'd actually ask Xiaoge to kill people for him but something about this just doesn't feel right.

God, I'm only 20 mins into the movie and I've hit the image limit. This is going to be a long one, fam.

Part 2

[carolingarts]

Okay. I thought of something yesterday because I have movie brainrot...does the fnaf movie confirm midnight motorist game as canon?

Hear me out.

First things first. Yellow hue yellow colors all the orangey yellow. Plus all the costumes we've seen Lillard in are orange and yellow.

(That's a costume below I'll die on that hill. Sorry Mr. Lillard sir for staring at your Instagram too long.)

But see above? Yellow hue yellow lights and color is so goddamn intentional. And when we see Mike he's surrounded by yellow/orangey. But in the light it looks black/blue ish like he's been removed from the legacy.

But also? In this light? DOESNT IT LOOK GRAY?? Also. Yellow tie.

Everyone's been going over color theory between these two but I haven't seen anybody connect it to midnight motorist but this constant yellow hue over all the characters clearly dealing with drama...but the biggest thing.

Everyone remembers the house right? From the leaked photos there was the house in the forest and then most of the kids in the forest. And then Garrett. Getting taken away. In the forest.

Where Midnight Motorist has its grave mound.

Woop.

Here's another point for you okay? The lady's shoes?

Computer enhance!

Gray person in chair. Gray shoes??? Silvery yellow shoes??

So what do we have. We have 1 character *deliberately washed out in yellow*. That's deliberately. The light is super bright. Afton has a connection to yellow

We have two gray characters (lady with washed out yellow gray green shoes, Mike being dark black.) And Garrett in a forest in red. Singled out.

And a family living in a forest and kids. In a forest.

You wanna see something else?

Looking that. And then at this.

Here's my theory.

Afton is a struggling business owner maybe living in his partner's shadow (let's go Jack Black for Henry theory). He's a proud guy but he's burdened by either untreated psychosis or like, he's just on the point of unaliving a couple of screaming kids because *he works in a children's restaurant* but he keeps a hold on it.

Enter his family. He's burdened with glorious purpose and dealing with his own shit (drinking drinking) but he has to be the patriarch and he's on a struggle bus and along comes Garrett. Afton loves Garrett. Hell the whole family does and Garrett, the kid singled out, loves Freddy's. Maybe he doesn't love *FREDDY*.

*I WANNA AMEND THIS* Mike loves Freddy's. Mike is the one that breaks out Mike is the one that loves his dad and wants to follow in his footsteps and his dad is just like kid you are an idiot.

But that doesn't excuse the chances that Garrett loves Bonnie I mean

His dad is Bonnie. He knows his daddy is Bonnie. We only see him *react to Freddy*. He's scared of Freddy. Cue Mike's prank. Afton's wife snaps

Mike is removed from the scenario. I am racking my brain as to how any parent could deal with something like the bite period. Idgaf you know it's an accident no parent could be declared competent after that. Like it's completely impossible.

And in his own way Afton loves his kids but one is dead and one was is removed for his safety and Afton learns his kid is possessing febby and then he goes after the kids at his party and buries them in the forest. That they now also haunt.

So here's a dad who was sort of absent and burdened and kinda massively needed therapy and he has 3 tragedies take place at once. His family is broken. He has to put it back together. So he learns about Garrett and he can't let Freddy's go its his son's tomb and he's running his experiments.(also WHY KEEP ALL THE STUFF IN IT. ITS A TOMB). These are kids that tortured his kid and he's not thinking clearly so he lures Mike, the black sheep who was removed from the family but can't escape his legacy.

So who does he get to help him? Who is he doing his work with? Who is taking care of her beloved dad?

Elizabeth.

Maybe it's Vanessa Elizabeth Afton, maybe it's Elizabeth Vanessa Afton but she's in yellow. She knows all the things. She's got flashbacks. Mike is dealing with unimaginable trauma. He hasn't seen his sister since she was small.

It's 2 siblings reuniting and their 3rd being the only one on top of it.

Cue springtrap. Maybe Vanessa bites it too but she's her dad's right hand but he wants his son back too. He is going to do being a dad right this time. Whatever the cost.

[lunarriviera]

2023 ao3 wrapped

last year @programmedradly and i asked each other some questions, rather than try to field the entire thing. so we did the same thing this year! and here are my answers. i had a wild little annus mirabilis and somehow posted more work than i ever have before, so there was lots to choose from.

•

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

tragically, one of my dead doves: the wu xie/li cu fic “you bear your scars, you've done your time.” no one reads it because it's an age-gap pairing, and it's inherently tragic (post-sha hai fucked-up wu xie). it has 17 whole kudos and it fought for every one. but like a lot of my badwrong pairings, it's honestly some of my best writing. i wrote it fast and the action scenes are solid, the dialogue is good and even funny, and the sex scenes are miserable and scorching. oh well, they can put it in my norton critical edition after i'm dead lol.

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

readers seemed to like the pingxie kissing fic, which was funny to me because it's literally just…kissing. (i wanted to put in plot and/or sex but mumble was very stern with me: “this is a KISSING fic.”) i guess we all are still battered by canon and just want wu xie dozing by the carp pool and getting kissed.

6. Favorite title you used?

“the subtle fire," with its title from the calamus poems by walt whitman; all its subheadings are from whitman too. sadly otherwise this was the year of taylor, and i exhausted midnights and all the vault tracks. new year's resolution: moratorium on fic titles from tay.

8. Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

somehow there were 18 dmbj fics. 😳 pingxie won out with 9 fics, followed by 6 heihua fics and then a smattering of rare pairs (not to say dead doves lol). there were 5 under the skin fics; at this point i post one of those like every two damm weeks because i'm down that bad.

10. What work was the quickest to write?

probably either of my drabbles—a little rpf prose poem for zhu yilong/unnamed photographer (still my most beloved pairing) or shen wei smoking a cigarette and zhao yunlan being horrified (and a little turned on).

11. What work took you the longest to write?

without a doubt, the 31k guardian fic i just posted. i got freaked out by its complexity and dropped it for a year, and then had to TOIL over all the canon details, because i didn't remember ANYTHING apparently (zhang shi who? fu you? li qian? what?). it took for fucking EVER to finish and i will NEVER write such a plotty monster again. the worst part was when ma gui randomly said, “oh there's a fifth hallow” at which point i was like “there's a WHAT NOW.” ironically that turned out to be the title. i hate characters that TALK and SAY SHIT.

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

the pingxie epic 😭 i'm not sure if i even can ever finish it because it involves google searches like “recent tomb discoveries china” and “can you survive c4 explosion.” also it'll be another dead dove because it starts with wu xie divorcing bai haotian, and the iron triangle being broken up. and that's just the beginning. everyone will hate it, and instead read cute fics about liu sang being a fox, probably.

17. Your favorite character to write this year?

it's gotta be du cheng from under the skin. he embodies what is turning into my favorite character archetype, Big Dumb Hot Cop. so butch. so loyal. so stupid. just a blast to narrate. wu xie and hei xiazi have similar idiot energy but are also paradoxically very intelligent so that's more challenging. (writing xiaoge's dialogue is difficult as fuck. he can't just say "wu xie" ALL the time.)

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

possibly, after everything, the end (for me) of the zhu yilong/unnamed photographer series. other people may keep adding to it but i needed to let them go. they exist in such a liminal unsettled never-together bittersweet place for me and i felt grateful to have spent time with them, as weird as that is to say. i'll always love unnamed photographer, and his aesthetic yearning. MY ONE RPF SHIP THAT WENT CANON. 😭

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

indulging myself and submitting a few:

Even Huos had to sleep sometime, or hang upside down, or whatever it was they did to restore themselves. [x]

•

Once he has him flat on his back again, with breathtaking pragmatism Shen Yi drips lube all over him, sinks down on him and then rides him so hard Du Cheng sees not just stars but entire constellations. [x]

•

Xiaoge kissed his hair. "Hold still," he said, and Wu Xie could do that, no problem. He fell asleep that way, curled against Xiaoge’s naked skin, and dreamed he was watching Xiaoge plant moss in the moss garden, in impossible colors: turquoise, bright orange. A richly saturated luminous violet. [x]

•

Xiazi added so much condensed milk to Xie Yuchen’s coffee that he finally had to arrest his hand forcibly. “Stop trying to give me diabetes.” Xiazi’s smile was worse than the cloying milk. “It’s to match the sweetness in your soul, my little flower." “Oh my god,” said Xie Yuchen faintly, as Geya listened, to all appearances visibly entertained. “What do you want? Because I assume you want something. Money? Work? Is this a hostage situation?” Xiazi just smiled harder, but at least he put the milk down, in favor of giving Xie Yuchen another pain au chocolat. “Why does he get all the pastry?” Geya said, sounding disappointed. “It’s to build his strength,” Hei Xiazi told him, and the patently, horribly uxorious look on Xiazi’s face made Xie Yuchen want to hit someone.) [x]

•

Xiao Hua manages to bite back a tart comment about how challenging it is to keep looking younger than forty when one’s companion will never look any older. It takes more than expensive rose hip and argan oil and ceramides; it takes never skipping the gym, and always skipping dessert. It means going to bed at nine-thirty when he’d rather stay up reading, and above all it means not letting Hei Xiazi know about any of these little maneuvers, lest it not seem effortless. [x]

•

As Wu Xie started enthusiastically laying out the details—and why was he awake at this miserable hour?—Hei Xiazi pulled the pillow away from his face and started gently hitting Xie Yuchen with it. “Wu Xie, let me call you back later,” he said, arresting the pillow’s movement with one hand. “I have something I have to deal with here.” “Sure,” said Wu Xie, cheerful. Then: “I bought Pangzi an espresso machine, and he taught me how to use it! Xiaoge’s not here, I wish he’d come home. I had five cups! You should take Hei Xiazi with you, just in case things get complicated. They might. Get complicated, I mean. I'll tell you all about it. When will you call me?” Xie Yuchen fought not to laugh. “After sunrise, probably. Drink some water. And tell Pangzi I’m going to kill him.” [x]

•

Su Wan seems lost in thought for a minute. “I always thought maybe one day I would like guys, but I don’t.” Li Cu elbows him. “What about Hei-ye?” Su Wan looks horrified. “Yali, no! What a thought!” “Okay, okay,” says Li Cu, and drunkenly tousles his hair. “Calm down.” Yang Hao puts out his hand for the bottle. “Hei-ye is pretty cool, though,” he says, which is high praise from him. It’s true. They sit without saying anything for a moment, in silent contemplation of Hei Xiazi’s inarguable coolness. [x]

•

The things about you that other people find unsettling, those have somehow never bothered Wu Xie. You’re spooky, Hei Xiazi told you frankly, once. I am too, but I drown it out by talking. You’re so silent, our little Yaba Zhang. People are afraid of you. Xiazi had been right, and you knew it. But Wu Xie has never been afraid of you, not even once. You think about the first time you came back from behind the gate, how furious and desperate he’d been to know why you hadn’t come straight back to him. Demanding answers, wanting to know why you went, what you saw. And you remember gazing back at him, still mute with the magnitude of it. He could never have understood, but no one could, not even Wu Xie whose intelligence shone as clearly as an aura around him, glowing, burnished—still innocent, still young enough to be passionate. Whereas even at the time you felt every single one of your hundred years lying on you like a burden, like fallen trees pressing you into the loam, the moss, the muck. [x]

•

He’s still half-asleep, is the only thing that could possibly explain why Zhao Yunlan ducks under some low-slung branches and strolls right up to the water’s edge only to see Shen Wei, stripped naked, hip-deep in a pool of still clear water, combing through his unbraided hair with his fingers. Why is this a surprise. What was he thinking. And above all, why is he still walking towards him on automatic, as if drawn toward him, as if not caring whether Shen Wei would see him or stop— Shen Wei startles and looks up, motion arrested. He’s bent at the waist, rinsing bits of dirt and bracken from his hair, skin glowing like wet marble, and Zhao Yunlan suddenly wants him so badly he couldn’t make a fist if he had to. Shen Wei smiles, and Zhao Yunlan will never get enough of that smile, artless and full-hearted. All he can do is smile back, helplessly. [x]

[honeycreammilkshake]

okay so i've been re-reading parts of the locked tomb, biting my fingers for the new book coming out hopefully sometime this year, but now i can't get the idea of a locked tomb greenflame au out of my head....

like... lloyd would obviously be the necromancer, and kai is his cavalier. lloyd's family comes from a line of really powerful necros and he wants to live up to their expectations, but kai sure isn't helping... that hotheaded impulsive idiot follows him everywhere, super protective, swinging his sword at anyone who gets too close to lloyd for his liking (even if it's completely innocent) and calls him names like "my dark overlord" "the green-eyed, curly-haired angel of undeath" "he-who-wields-the-bones" "my beloved master of gloom"

also kai knows absolutely nothing about necromantic theorems, even the most basics concepts non-necros have heard of, so lloyd has to keep explaining things over and over again and kai is just like "sure yeah of course i know that stuff you don't have to explain to me" but lloyd does have to.

kai uses an inordinate amount of hairgel and is an arrogant playboy like naberius tern but he makes inappropriate puns like gideon nav whenever there's opportunity… and lloyd is just sitting there in the corner like "please end my suffering" but he has feelings for that spiky-haired idiot that he just can't ignore.

.... and now i will think about this all day ;-;

[the-travelling-witch]

"here lies snowflake anon, killed by holly the witch after said witch brought to life an emotionally constipated japanese dragon with ties to the crime world. after that, a certain former harbinger went berserk." for the tomb, thx ♡

I DIDN'T REALISE I SENT THAT MANY ASKS DIAKSOMAODHW I FEEL BAD >0< i will keep this short then hshshshsh

1) yeah i know i might create a monster with that many kisses + gotta be ready after the hickies but hey that's what i'm here for for the indigo haired menace

2) if said menace wants affection he should just ask, i won't gatekeep hshshsh

3) since you have a hard time believing you entering your men's life was a blessing for them then ig we all shall make you a daily reminder for that cuz our beloved witch deserves any kind of love that exists in the world ^u^

also wanna leave you with an artist i found on tiktok that draws mostly about xiao and i think it's the sweetest (you will see why) ++ they share some tropes/hcs that are the same as mine for our beloved yaksha: pipiwuwu (ndr: had to search the name and almost lost my shit from laughing)

— ❄️

okay got it, i’ll remember that!! /silly also don’t worry, it’s all good, it’s my fault for letting them pile up ㅠㅠ

1) + 2) do you really think that idiot would ask for sth he wants and he would benefit from? no no, he has to make both of you struggle and then he’ll pretend he hates it but repay you tenfold

3) i mean it’s hard to believe in general but yesterday there was an added bonus of self doubt heaped onto the normal amount, so uhh idk it just doesn’t seem plausible (though i still think about it lots)

funnily enough, i already now that artist bc ofc their xiao content inevitably crossed my fyp and then just kept coming back jsjsh they make him so— *unidentifiable noises* i just want to hug him and shower him in love

[azureeyenews]

Thanksgiving: Chapter 8

You bicker your way down to the graveyard, with your drink-sodden brother trying his best to explain to you that digging up the graves of your ancestors is frowned upon in many cultures, including the one in which you were born.

That was true, once. The things you've done, the places you've been, the magic you've seen... you're different, now. Your brother lives in a world where digging up a graveyard because you saw a ghost is a sign of schizophrenia. You live in a world where it makes perfect sense.

IF YOU ARE NOT RUPERT SCHMINKELDORF, article continues on page A2. If you ARE Rupert Schminkeldorf, article continues on page negative B3.

A2: When you finally make it to the graveyard, however, you discover the whole conversation is moot, as the place is already being robbed. Thankfully, or perhaps not, it's your friend from back in forest, Rupert Schminkeldorf. In retrospect, you should have guessed this would happen.

"I told you to find your own spot!" the wizard grumbles in his disgusting Belgian accent, as he sets down a deluxe gravedigging shovel he won in some contest or another. "As it happens," you explain quickly, seeing his hands start to wave through Fireball, "this IS my spot-

"This is my family's graveyard, Rupert. Caught you red-handed. You know the rules." "Damn it all! Fine. What do you want to not press charges?" "Of course we're pressing-!" Your idiot brother begins. "I need you to find where they hid my mother's body," you quickly interject.

The not-a-necromancer squints at you, then mutters something about his corpse sense and starts digging into, of all places, your brother Chorles' grave. A few minutes later and you're staring down at what is absolutely your mother's decapitated body, dumped into Chorles' coffin.

"Murder, was it?" Rupert muses while Miles vomits, "They always like to hide the bodies somewhere you won't look, like where you absolutely know someone else is. You really have her eyes, you know?" You really should have foreseen him plucking them out and throwing them to you.

PAGE -B3: When you finally make it to the graveyard, however, you discover the whole conversation is moot, as the place is already being robbed. Thankfully, or perhaps not, it's a gnome. One dressed all in lilac, that you don't recognize. But of course it's a damnable gnome.

As you start to weave your hands through Fireball, she mutters something you don't catch and you find yourself hit with Paralyze. A gnome with magic? How queer. "Look," you explain before things get worse, "That's my family's graveyard you're digging up there. Could you stop?"

"So you can dig it up yourself?" She retorts, "Look, I'm sorry, but I have... reasons. I'll make it up to you. Also so you don't call the Juggalos on me. You were talking to that ghost earlier, right? Murder and all that. Caught a bit of it. She's buried in Chroles' grave."

You could have figured that out yourself, with your magic, but you have to admit this is faster. You also have to admit that its funny as Hell to watch Miles puke his guts out when your mother's animated corpse digs itself up from the tomb and collapses on the dirt.

"Look," you say as he starts to turn back towards you, holding your new mementos up so he can see them clearly, "I really do have her eyes." Yes, you decide as he doubles over and vomits again, this was definitely worth it.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: The reason for this weird divergence is that Rupert, whose username is DiggingUpGraves, is an active and beloved member of the Enchanted Forest community. It seemed a bit off to have him meet himself, so a parallel story was developed for him where he instead encounters a certain old gnomish necromancer.

[spiritoflife22-blog]

The Last Breath

The blood on the ground stained the snow, the cold stung his wounds, his halberd lay on the ground not far away, and in front of him his enemy, the Jester, with a blank expression and a dark grimoire floating above his hand

All this, all this for what? to protect someone who's already gone

The Jester questioned, not understanding why that stone wouldn't get out of his way, why he was hurting himself for a tomb that had nothing but bones and spiders in it

You wouldn't understand…. And I don't plan to explain it to you

The warrior rose from the ground, his whole body burning with pure pain, as if he were on fire, ignoring Snezhnaya's cold and looking to his right, walking limply towards his halberd, a last reminder of his beloved.

In the reflection of the blade he saw his face bloodied, with a cut across his eye, he could no longer see properly in that situation, his eyes traveled up the handle of the red-painted guan dao until they met his own trembling hand, but one thing brought his strength back, the ring on his finger.

A sudden memory flashed through his mind, the day she slipped the ring on his finger and promised that she would never leave his side, the heat in his body increased, but was interrupted by the pain of being pierced by a black projectile from the Jester.

This is your end, guardian

Three black cracks opened up behind Jester, launching abyssal shots at the guardian, piercing him, leaving holes in his body that could no longer be saved, falling forward, staining the white landscape crimson red, Pierro's footsteps sank into the snow, passing by the dead guardian, or so he thought, as the sound of the halberd's metal echoed through the entrance to the tomb.

The end? No, no no…. I'll never have an end as long as she's here

[Iron Lotus - Mili]

♫I AM FIRE♫

♫BURN THOSE WHO DARE TO CARE FOR ME♫

At that moment, Snezhnaya felt a wave of heat, something impossible in that icy region, the guardian's pierced body was covered in flames, which burned and melted the ice around that tomb, revealing the marble statues that had once been buried among the snow, revealing his form as a dragon.

Where once there was skin there are now scales, on the top of the guardian's head two horns on the side of his head, around his body an infernal heat, and wrapped around his arms an enormous sash of pure flames, once his long clothes now a scarlet armor that seemed incandescent

You are -

Jester tried to reach a conclusion but was surprised by a wave of heat that melted the snow and evaporated the water in an instant, and using his abyssal power he teleported upwards, dodging a blow from the duan gao that tried to impale him.

Guardian of the tomb of time, the dragon of hell, Y/N, get ready to meet hell.

With a smile on his face, the battle had just begun, this icy region would know the heat of hell.

A brief memory flashed through the guardian's head as he felt his flames rise even higher.

'Even when time loses its meaning, will you still be by my side?

'As long as I exist, I'll be by your side, even if it costs me my life.

'You humans are idiots…. I think that's what I like about you'

'I love you, Istaroth'

'I love you too…'

♫And my fuel are memories, fuel are memories of you.♫

[dash-n-step]

dumb act 6 problem thats bugged me forever and i need to get off my chest while also having someone call me an idiot: its always annoyed me how dead the world feels. and not in the sense that its a dead void session, cause even dead worlds have life to them if that makes sense. i mean in the sense that there is nothing there.

I can understand that.

By the time of Act 6, since the comic's been running so long and everything's kind of just trying to get towards the end. Even during the dead session, there were kind of neat things with the tomb raiding, and reading about "the royals", but this was the shift where the comic is much more interpersonal drama rather than discussing too much on the things going on around them.

Like, if we think of some characters as NPCs: in the prior parts we have consorts and carapacians with varying ranges of importance or likeability (mushroom farmer my beloved /j) and even though they appear out of nowhere you get the sense that even though they don't know much either, they were still around for a while and have their own thing going on.

Around the time of Act 6, the NPCs are mostly just the alpha trolls and the felt, who serve a similar role but if anything they build on previous worlds we don't actually get to see, and just serve to show off the dream bubbles or other characters.

Which, like, isn't compeltely bad, you can only worldbuild so much before you want to just move on, but it does mean you can just sort of throw the characters anyway and as long as they don't break the timeline and move the story along, their actual location doesn't matter too much.

[lunarifie]

Rewatching Ninjago

(With no context other than the episode)

Skybound 1-2

Im gonna be completely honest, out of all the seasons, I remember skybound the most

Maybe because it was the first time the series took Jay away from the comedic role and gave him development

I need everyone to stop calling Nya ‘sweetheart’ or im going to explode them with my mind

OH WAIT I FORGOT

THIS IS THE SEASON THEY GET FAMOUS

I was so caught up on pirates, genies, and Jay being an idiot that i forgot that was a huge factor

I remember I really hated dareth this season

Dareth: Your a boy band! A hunk machine! You dont need a girl in the group!

All the ninja: 😐😑😐

They really called him out on his bullshit

Cole wants nothing to do with the love triangle 😭

God I remember hating this famous ninja thing

Theres was so much second hand embarrassment I had to endure, and now I have to do it all over again

So much unneeded drama

Like yeah, i want the ninja to have recognition, but I dont want them to become popstars 💀

just for them to be appreciated for doing their JOBS

Cole got so giddy learning he can disappear :)

Jay and Zane have weekly chess game nights its canon because I said so

I love happy Cole, yes, your a ghost but your living your best life, LIKE YOU SHOULD.

Cole: remember back in the tomb of the first spinjitzu master? When we all saw the reflections of out future selves?

Cole: When I couldnt see anything, it wasnt because I was a goner! It was because I could disappear!!! (Strikes a pose and disappears) :D

Jay: ohhhh then why dont you make like a ghost and VANISH. 🙄

Hhfkdndjfnd

Be nicer to him Jay 😭

Zane: you still havent told him about the reflection of you and nya, have you?

Jay: And ruin our friendship? No thanks.

I can promise you, Cole couldnt give two shits about having a romantic relationship with Nya. Nonetheless FIGHT you over it

Jay: Either way, she made up her mind. Its just, seeing us together, its all I can think about.

Damn.

Honestly, Nyas anger directed towards Jay is completely valid. If I was perceived by the media as merely an object or prize to be won I’d be fuming.

Its so funny that Kai is all about this ‘fame’ thing. Being the poster board face for lego ninjago at the beginning and having the most merchandise

CLOUSE!

I love reoccurring characters even if Clouse is a little bitch

Misako: They’re growing up…

Wu: Yes, but I like to think ninjago would fall apart without us.

Valid.

its nice to feel wanted

Nya: Are you sending out a CHIRP?!?!?

Kai: UH, my followers have wants too!!!!

KAI GODDAMMIT.

Purple ninja my beloved

I love little kids helping the ninja its my favorite thing

Nya: how long did it take you to make that gi?

Purple ninja: when youve broken both your legs, you have a lot of time on your hands 😊 (slams into an exit door)

Wait wait wait wait

THIS is the rooftop. THE ROOFTOP WHERE JAYA HAPPENS!!!!

Jay: We’re a team! We stick together!

Nya: thanks. But i can stick up for myself.

Cole: He was just trying to be nice 😒

Jay: Dont worry! Its just our ‘first fight’ :)

JAY. CMON DUDE.

Nyas allowed to be stingy but dont take it out on Jay 😭

Coles literally telling Nya to take Jays hand hes had enough of this bullshit 💀

Doesn’t clouse get screwed over by this genie?

Ah, excuse me. Djinn.

I forgot how Cole turns human again but if its anything like Clouses traumatically painful cries of agony then maybe he should stay a ghost…

Kais figurines are actually really cute.

Zane and Lloyd: No traces of clouse…

Yeah bc hes fucking dead

Its common knowledge now that ninjago is one of the 16 realms??? Like citizens know??? That would drive me absolutely insane.

Nadakhan: Delara died?!?

Cyrus borg as the infobot: died, expired, rot, tint, kicked the bucket-

Hfjsbfjsntbr

Cyrus borg: I cant tell you where the realm crystal is! But i can tell you who has it! And where THEY are!

Me: 😐😑😐

Man in stiix: No one here cares for them fruit-colored ninja.

Cole: Um! 🤨 excuse me 😠 what fruit is black 🙄

Jay: blackberries?

Cole:

Cole: shut it jay.

SO THIS IS WHEN THEYRE ALL SEEN AS CRIMINALS

But wtf does nadakhan have to do with this? Can he do illusions or some shit?

NOOOO NOT JAYS PARENTS STOP

I feel like my soul was ripped out at how sad they looked

Nya comforting Jay after he sees his disappointed parents 🥹

Chief: the ninja are at large, they are armed and dangerous. And—and. (Squinting at his script) they have, legs?

Chief: Call law enforcement so we can apprehend them.

Zane, dialing law enforcement: Hello? Law enforcement?

Lloyd: Zanewhatareyoudoing-

Zane: I am programmed to obey the law 🤨 I need to tell them our location.

Stiix citizens: arent you all those ninjas?

Jay: HAHA! Nope! We’re that other group that has a nindroid, a ghost, and a girl…

hfjsjfndjsdhdisnr

Kai: six against six, at least its an even number.

Lloyd: were not gonna fight citizens KAI.

Kai: … dammit…

Jay: how are we supposed to fight back??!?!? Witty banter!?!?!?!

Zane: Statistically your witty banter usually gets us into more trouble 😄

Love how Coles hoodie makes him look more ghostly

Awwwwww nya allowed jay to help her

Theyre growing :)

People of stiix calling them the fruit-colored ninja is the greatest thing

If Lego had the balls they’d call them the fruity ninja

THE CHIEF GOT MISAKO?!?!?

RONIN.

THE NINJA TRUSTED YOU YOU ASSHOLE

This is actually so interesting, i remember the ninja being framed for crimes but I forgot it was this season. And right after they were famous and beloved nonetheless.

Wait is Wu inside Djinns bottle??? Like Clouse???

Misakos so smart she already knows who nadakhan is 😌

Okay but WHY dont they believe misako and the ninja

Like is it THAT hard to believe that a past enemy the ninja defeated can create illusions, and might want revenge????

Do the police legitimately believe, the ninja, known for being stealthy and cunning, are just gonna GIVE their status on social media?????

I guess a clues a clue right

Man they dont give Nya ANY credit. That was obviously her bracelet on the rat too. It was HER plan. Not Kais 😒

Jay. Ik your not this stupid. Nya just said a djinn is bad news. Trust your future girlfriend on this one buddy.

Jay: I know from my reflection that we end up together! Maybe a wish is how!

I mean… hes not wrong.

Lloyd: then we’ll find Djinn in pairs so he cant pick us off.

Jay: (immediately goes to Nyas side with a huge smile)

Cole (popping out of nowhere): Yeah yeah! And Jay and I can look for clues at the scene of the crime where he framed us!

Cole: What do you say buddy, just like old times?

Jay: haha sweeeeeet. Who doesnt like old times 🙃

Kai and Nya: sibling team

Jay and Cole: Bruise team

Lloyd and Zane: actually-get-shit-done team

RONIN YOU ASS

I refuse to believe ronins smart enough to hack into Zanes system.

This must be so scary for Lloyd to just watch his friend go braindead

Dont-mention-Nya-every-time-your-on-screen challenge. Try it out Ronin.

He sucks so much.

Hes a cool villain though.

Ronins really catching them all like pokemon huh

Jay: its the amusement park! So many fond memories. Thats where I unlocked my true potential! Oh oh! And theres where Nya and I had out first date. I bet we’ll laugh about this in the future :)

Cole: ?

Jay: I meaaaaaan, why would she laugh about that! She hates me. 😀

Your giving yourself away Jay

Cole: The djinn can shape-shift! He could be anybody!

Jay: 😨

Jay:

Jay: (sticks his hand through ghost Cole)

Cole:…

Cole: seriously?

Jay: just needed to make sure 😊

RONIN.

Cole after hearing his friends are all captured:

Jay, at ronin: HA! You think u can electrically tie the master of lightning!

Ronin, pointing a cannon gun: Yeah but are you the master of kabloowey 🤨

Cole: You cant see me!!! Im a ghost! Am i here? Or over here!?!? HAHAHA

Ronin: I have thermal vision Cole. 😐

Cole: you do…? (Gets captured)

Ronin really DID catch them all…

The chief: Ninjago is safe once again!

I hope the chief gets fired.

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

3 Lost Tomb Characters’ Guides to Dealing With Wu/Nine Families Issues

Xie Yuchen

1.) Money can’t buy happiness, but it can find tomb raids, which are happy (?) and can support your aesthetic needs. You’re really into jewel tones right now, and it’s reflected in the gear for your next outing. You tried to avoid bringing Wu Xie, both for the disruption to the aesthetic and your sanity, but somehow the most oblivious man alive has a knack for showing up in the wrong place always.

2.) Opera is a coping mechanism and a hobby. Additionally, you look great in the costumes. Work it. Certainly a plus to show up at a Nine Families meeting in full attire, Wang Pangzi always applauds your entrance with a standing ovation and Huo Xiuxiu takes video of people’s reactions. The only time you were upstaged was when Wu San Xing, who was supposedly dead (again) at the time, strutted into a meeting at the very end and cast his vote on something before strutting right back out. You can appreciate the power move there.

3.) Tread a fine balance between helping your beloved friend Wu Xie and avoiding the death stares of his boyfriend when you stop by the house. Being dragged on your back through the desert was humiliating, but Zhang Qiling sharpening his sword at the dinner table while staring at you is terrifying. It doesn’t help that Wu Xie’s mini-me Li Cu, who also seems to suspect you of trying to purloin his adopted father, keeps referring to you as the Pink Panther. Hei Xiazi somehow found out and now life is hell.

4.) Despite your better instincts, get your own immortal emo boyfriend, even if Hei Xiazi is an absolute imbecile and aspiring sugar baby. Remind yourself about that vague crush you had (and will probably always have) on Wu Xie, the overwhelming evidence points to you being a morosexual. Hei Xiazi is…a challenge. But as Huo Xiuxiu points out more than once, you’d never be able to date someone who was easy or uncomplicated.

5.) It’s okay that you aren’t the chosen heir to lead the nine families. It’s okay that you aren’t the chosen heir to lead the nine families. It’s okay that you aren’t the chosen heir to lead the nine families. Repeat mantra until it sounds true. Note that there are probably worse choices than Wu Xie out there, you just need to time to think of some.

Li Cu

1.) Always remind yourself that technically you aren’t related to any of these fucking insane idiots. Always remind yourself that being related to someone doesn’t mean they’re family anyway.

2.) Try to avoid The Drama when you can—sure, it’s how you got into this mess to begin with, but more importantly you can’t be bothered to deal with The Shoes of The Lettuce King or whatever new bullshit they’re all obsessed with digging up. Shit’s crazy. Inevitably you’ll get involved somehow, but put it off while you can.

3.) You are Team Wu Xie. Doesn’t matter if some other family’s representative tries to go behind his back to try to steal your loyalty with money (fuck right off, boomers), or try to convince you that Wu Xie is a dangerous man to follow (whoa no shit wow really?? good to know, never would have guessed), or claim their group can offer you a place to belong (you have a place now and you know exactly where it is, it’s noisy and dusty and creaky and always smells like homemade soup). You always note down the representatives’ names, Pangzi has a notebook for it that he titled The Shady B*tches Burn Book.

4.) Zhang Qiling is the coolest person ever. Like yeah shit was awkward af at first but like. So cool. Last month, when those creeps broke in? Handled. With ease (this is also the night you learned Wang Meng has a frying pan weapon “from last time” and zero fucks left to give). It’s weird, feeling safe. Xiao Ge just has that effect. You kinda get why Wu Xie was so batshit determined to get him back.

5.) Bring your college friends to the Nine Families meetings. It freaks everyone out and they could use the new blood (metaphorically).

Liu Sang

1.) Your Idol lives at Wushanju part-time, when he’s not off on missions or wandering. You accept that going to see Zhang Qiling necessarily involves being force fed Pangzi’s new recipe and half-listening to Wu Xie babbling about grave etchings. Meanwhile Wang Meng color-codes your modeling schedule, Li Cu steals half your food (while making full eye contact) and Kan Jian blushingly sling-shots flower petals into your hair. You might as well move in here, Wu Xie suggests casually one day, and you don’t really have a good argument against it. Wu Xie wants to keep his people close, you realize, and you try not to feel too warm about that.

2.) Always attend the meetings when there is tension. The Wu family is unpopular with most of the other families on a good day…you know they can technically handle themselves but their heir is also a train-wreck who has almost lost all his possessions several times while pursuing goals so the family needs some nice, sensible, super hearing allies.

3.) Xiao Bai and Kan Jian come to all of your modeling shows. Your Idol came exactly once—some designer excitedly tried to recruit him for modeling and he literally climbed out a window to leave the conversation. Still, it is nice to have friends come to your shows, and you save seats for them. You always save extra shoot pictures at their request and it’s a smug and definitely not at all heart-fluttery moment when you see Kan Jian has given your picture pride of place on his dresser.

4.) Allies come in all forms. After your ears get damaged, Huo Daofu is the one who somehow fixes everything while bitching loudly about how no one around here can stay healthy for five minutes the entire time, and you kind of get his deal a little. He leaves you his card, which according to Pangzi is an offer of lifelong friendship, and leaves Wu Xie the bill (which seems astronomical until you figure out their whole situation nowadays, wherein Huo Daofu would be shocked and borderline angry if Wu Xie ever actually tried to pay him back).

5.) Training with the real, actual Zhang Qiling is the best thing ever, so it’s a little disappointing one day when Wu Xie suggests he could spar with you instead for a change. You are a little concerned (and not-so-secretly excited) about kicking his ass in front of your idol. It’s not a surprise that Wu Xie fights dirty, but it is a surprise that Wu Xie beats you. By out-thinking you every step of the way. It’s both humbling and (you will take this to your grave) incredibly hot. From that point on you alternate fight-sparring with Idol and strategy-sparring with Wu Xie. Wu Erbai sends you The Art of War as a birthday present, which you realize—that is the signal that you’ve been fully welcomed into the fold.

[ezioauditore-s]

top 5 favorite things about ezio auditore

Answers

I could probably scream for abt six hrs abt how insane i get and ezio just wanting answers from the moment he's 17 and how he goes his whole life & just never recieves any. 'please i have so many questions' now here in Constantinople for some answers finally my story is one of thousands hA hA HA HA AHBAHVSVVD 🤡🤡

Desire to do good.

Collects feathers for his mum. Defends his sister. Liberates cities, rebuilds cities, delivers letters, helps strangers on the street, helps hurt women with their shittty husbands, helps courtesans with their shitty clients, is soft with kids, relies on his friends. if you're good to him, he'll be good to you.

Intelligent Intellectual Idiot.

Himbo Ezio my beloved. At any given moment he is both the smartest person in the room and the dumbest man on the planet. Can work out Isu alien technology. Plans perfect  assassin missions. trained multiple assassins from novices. Spent decades being friends with some of the greatest mind of the Renaissance: Machiavelli (🤢) & Leonardo (🥰), truly doesnt know what they are on about half the time. Kept famous paintings, brought monuments, painted his enemies. Goes on lil tomb adventures for Fashion. Once jumped off a building with only paper wings cause his friend said it could work. Was smart enough to know his friend would be right. A banker at heart, a himbo in his soul.

Looking kinda cute tho 👀👀

Found Family, Friends Forever.

Loves his friends loves his family. Hugs his mum. Overprotective Big Brother. Punched Cladias shitty ex. cancer/water/moon sign with alot of compassion love and admiration. Respects women. Respects Leonardo & Salai. Wanted love happiness and peace the whole time. redditbros played the ezio trilogy wrong I'll stand by that.

[burnmyloveaway]

what is your favorite dgs case and why?

Hi anon! 

Well, I usually like last cases so obviously I loved how The Resolve of Naruhodou Ryuunosuke wrapped everything up, I consider it the big final boss case of the duology with Twisted Karma and His Last Bow but a honorable mention goes to The Return of the Departed Soul, imo.

I think it’s the real turning point of the game because it is from there that the frantic pursuit of the Truth really begins, it’s from this case that the player and the characters start to slowly untangle the string of a fate that has brought all these people in the game together. 

I loved that it started almost as a random, filler case. At first I had a hard time following it because of the whole trick thing and I admit it was kinda boring me at first but the twists! Oh, the twists!

Not only it wasn't a totally random case but it kept building up layers upon layers of mysteries, secrets and conspiracies and I enjoyed every single moment of it (I love the whole "secrets coming out" thing).

I like that it started with having to defend an old friend of Barok's, I love how one of the chapter purposes was to bring out Barok's real nature, to show what was hidden beneath him and how he has been on our side the entire time.

Not only for the building up, the twists and the work it did on Barok's character but I loved this particular chapter for another couple of reasons as well:

1 - the characters involved: I think Enoch Drebber and Madame Tusspells are among the most memorable culprit and witness of the entire series. They're both so phenomenal and so interesting there could be an entire spin-off about the two of them, they had very important roles and their impact on The Professor's case was huge.

I mean, I've seen more lore about them than not about Caidin and Vigil among the fandom, and I think this fact speaks volumes.

Enoch's character is so flawed yet so human, his story was very compelling for me and it made me feel so much for him. Maybe I'm the only one but I think that even if making fun of Harebraybe may have been uncalled for, I was on his side. What he did was wrong, sure, but I don't think Harebrayne being an idiot was his fault. That's just how the world works.

[And yes, the way Barok defended his friend was noble and he was right when he said that working hard to pursue a dream of your own is laudable and not laughable but Harebrayne in my opinion still made a fool of himself... but maybe it's just me, Idk, while I like his relationship with Barok I can't say I like him that much, F.]

And Madame Tusspells my beloved... For once we had a witness that wasn't cringy. Yes, cringy witnesses are one of the series' main features but she was such a nice change: composed, polite, cunning, sharp, capable, cool, mysterious... She simply told the truth as she was asked to, she managed to be so transparent yet so secretive at the same time, she was amazing to watch, really. I enjoyed her scenes with Sherlock at the museum too, lmao

Dr. Sithe and Maria, too. Maria became a fave of mine even though she was only introduced in this chapter and I liked how mild Sithe’s breakdown was despite everything, despite all the things she must have been through, she’s still a queen. A divorced (?) woman working as a coroner and being the head of the police (Scotland Yard, even!) forensics team in the Victorian period? That’s metal as fuck.

Oh and don’t get me started on the mad aesthetics of these characters, simply sublime. Who doesn’t like goth characters, after all?

2 - it was very emotional overall: I could tell how much Barok had been suffering because of it all, it was heartbreaking to see how he struggled to solve the case and not lose his composure, at times it almost seemed as if he was on the verge of crying... 

Oh, and the final twist? It was simply horrific. 

As the cherry on top you end up finding out that this scary guy who was seen at that tomb is actually (supposedly) Kazuma’s dead father? And that poor Kazuma had suffered because of it for all those years? That that was his drive to travel across the world for the entire time? But then he breaks the wax figure and he escaped who knows where?

So yeah, this chapter was magnificent and it really did it for me, on every aspect, it was surprising, entertaining, exciting and horrendous all together, it made me keep repeating “and now? And now? AND NOOWW???”, truly a masterpiece.

[lollytea]

I see you reblog and post a lot of stuff about "locked tomb" and "six of crows". I'm not sure if these are the same or different things, but also feel if I looked them up on google I'd get a very generic response about what they are that would almost certainly leave me uninterested in pursuing them. So what are these things? Do you have feelings/reasons on why people should read(?) them?

OH OH OH OH OH OH OK OK OK OK OK OK OK it’s not what you asked but I always wanted somebody to ask about the books I love so I need to explain what they are about. I need to explain things. I love to explain things. Ok ok ok so

The locked tomb is a series. There’s currently two books (with a third coming out this year) the genre is gothic lesbian post apocalyptic paranormal sci-fi fantasy with heavy religious undertones. Which is as batshit as it sounds. So it’s set 10,000 after the end of the world and a guy with mysterious necromantic powers somehow managed to resurrect humanity and rebuilt a new world in space and he is now an immortal “God” who rules over the solar system. Each planet is a different society with different cultures and the only thing that all the planets (or “houses” as they call them) have in common is the practice of necromancy.

Gideon and Harrow are two teenage girls who live on the Ninth House, a cold barren miserable place whose population is on the verge of extinction. The locked tomb that the series refers to is the tomb that the Ninth House is tasked with guarding, where the dead body of God’s enemy is kept. (So the antichrist basically.) as a result of the morbidity of their purpose, the Ninth house is basically an extremely religious cult with a lot of emphasis on bones and skeletons.

Harrow’s parents are the current heads of that cult, making Harrow “The Reverend Daughter” Shes a nun but the Ninth House treats her like their beloved goth nun princess. She is also an insanely talented bone necromancer. Gideon, meanwhile, is just some orphan beefcake with a sword who nobody likes. She and Harrow happen to be the only people on the ninth house under the age of fifty, (Terrible plague wiped out the younger generation) so the two girls absolutely detest eachother, have spent their whole lives arguing, fighting, basically beating the unholy shit out of eachother BUT they are the only ones of a similar age so, as awful as their relationship is, it is also deeply co-dependent. Messy terrible but very very interesting dynamic have Harrow and Gideon. I highly recommend to read just to see that shit play out.

So Harrow is propositioned with the offer to train to become a lyctor to their God. (Which is basically an offer to ascend to Sainthood. She would become immortal and live her life serving by God’s side) but but BUT in order to attend her training, she is told that she requires a cavalier. (Which is a devoted bodyguard) Unfortunately Harrow doesn’t currently have a cavalier so she has no other option than to bring Gideon along (the only young healthy person on the planet who can wield a sword.) So Harrow is basically like “okay you stupid fucking idiot come along with me to my lyctor training. Surely nothing homoerotic will occur”

So then they reach their training location, a big beautiful yet crumbling house, full of other necromancers and cavaliers hoping to become lyctors. It begins as a series of trials that require teamwork and trust to solve so Gideon and Harrow have to reluctantly co-operate and learn to look out for the other. Then weird shit starts happening and things get spooky and people are getting picked off one by one and the plot basically devolves into a wild ass murder mystery in a haunted house. While all this is happening, Gideon and Harrow are being gay little bitches. It’s fantastic stuff.

Gideon is the POV character of the first book and thank god for that. She has a brilliant sense of humor so everything that happens is told from such a snarky perspective. Gideon is amazing, there is no way not to love Gideon

The second book goes in a wildly different direction than the first but I cannot talk about it without spoiling. But anyway basically the locked tomb books are fantastic, an absolute rollercoaster but they are extremely wordy and complicated and definitely not something to dive into if you just want something light and fun.

Ok ok ok and the Six of Crows duology ok. Six of Crows is YA so it’s not nearly as heavy as locked tomb but I also really really REALLY enjoyed the books. I think I would definitely recommend them to a wider range of people than I would locked tomb. Theyre just easier to get into. Ok ok so lemme explain.

So the setting is a fictionalized fantasy world, heavily based on the cultures of real life countries in the 17th century. The only difference in this world is the existence of Grisha (people born with magical abilities) whose existence are a huge political topic in universe. (In some countries, they’re normalized, in some they’re considered abominations etc.)

The story focuses on The Crows, a team of six kids between the ages of 16-18. All of these kids have vastly different backgrounds and personalities but they all have one thing in common: the world they live in has failed them in some way, leaving them deeply traumatized but motivated to do things against their own morals just so they can survive the dangerous slums where they live.

These circumstances make them the perfect candidates for a job so dangerous it’s borderline suicidal but the reward would make them rich beyond their imaginations. They are willing to do anything to get that reward. They are tasked with breaking into the Ice Court, the most heavily guarded military stronghold in the world and retrieving a prisoner with valuable information.

Ok so we have Kaz, a criminal prodigy, gang leader and all around diabolical evil genius who just so happens to be the protagonist. He’s the leader of the crows, the one who makes the plans and pretty much everything would fall apart without him. Can’t talk about his background too much without spoiling but basically he was vulnerable once, was eaten alive by the vicious city so he retaliated by becoming the most dangerous creature to inhabit it. He’s overall a delightfully shitty violent little bitch. I like him :)

Next we have Inej. They call her The Wraith, due to her affinity for deathly silence, making her the perfect spy. She also carries like seven knives on her body at all times and is not the kind of person you want to fuck around with. Inej was a victim of human trafficking so, like Kaz, she has sworn to become something feared. And yet in spite of all this, she manages to be a funny patient kind hearted girl who has managed to make Kaz believe that there is magic in this world.

Jesper!!! Originally a student who the slums destroyed by getting him addicted to gambling. Now he’s a dropout, being crushed by debt and has taken on the job as one of Kaz’s gang members. He’s an excellent sharpshooter and not bad in a fight either. Jesper is funny as hell, managing to find the humor in even the most dire situation. But like all the funniest people in this world he is deeply insecure. There are aspects of himself that he has had to spend his entire life hiding and for all his boundless energy, in a way, he is extremely worn down.

Nina my beloved. A grisha whose magical speciality is the human body. She can stop someone’s heart with just the wave of her hand, a truly lethal opponent. Nina is a former child soldier and is currently slumming it with Kaz’s gang as she works to right a wrong she recently committed, something she is deeply ashamed of. Like Jesper, Nina has a big personality. She’s confident, witty, cheerful and incorrigibly flirty. Of course this makes her incredibly useful when it comes to charming information out of people.

Matthias is our resident white able bodied cishet man (affectionate.) A former member of the Druskelle, a religious order/military troop that is groomed on intolerance and is trained to hunt grisha. Despite being brainwashed by this cult when he was young, Matthias has an honest honorable heart so his character arc is all about reprogramming himself to see the humanity in grisha. He comes to see it in Nina, who he has become quite fond of. There’s a whole enemies to lovers thing going on with those two, it’s very messy but anyway. Matthias was brought along for the ice court heist because he used to be stationed there and he knows the layout but he wants absolutely nothing to do with this job or these people. He hates Kaz, he hates Nina, he hates all of them but he’s bullied into participating. It’s very fun.

And lastly Wylan. Lovely Wylan. A former rich kid who ran away from home. The crows originally think of him as a huge idiot who was stupid enough to leave a happy comfortable life behind to rough it in the criminal underbelly, but he has his own reasons, reasons he would prefer not to disclose for now. Wylan is a sweet and shy but surprisingly courageous kid who has only been with the crows for a month now so he’s completely out of his depth and utterly terrified. Plus Jesper keeps flirting with him and his poor goddamn heart cannot take that kind of shit. But in spite of how fucking scared and confused he is, he’s got a knack for demolitions and carries around a satchel full of bombs so it’s probably in your best interest not to cross him either. I think Wylan has become my favourite character since I did my reread.

Ok so yeah anyway. The story itself of six of crows is pretty good but the main draw is definitely the characters, they’re all so much fun and I feel like there’s a crow for everybody. I couldn’t even pick a favourite my first time reading cuz I was so attached to all of them. They’re also a very diverse bunch. We got POC (Inej and Jesper) LGBTQ (Jesper, Nina and Wylan) Neurodiversity (Jesper and Wylan) Fat Characters (Nina) along with plenty of disabilities, physical and mental (Kaz, Inej, Wylan) and it’s like. Yay diversity win for this gang of murderous criminals! Except I’m not being sarcastic I’m entirely serious I love my diverse gang of murderous criminals.

Anyway I would absolutely recommend six of crows to everything. I think it kicks ass. That’s all I have to say I know I have talked to much but I love to explain things. Goodbye.

[intimatevoid]

for the blorbo game, what about the Locked Tomb?

Thank you, dear! 💛

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

Ngl, it's gotta be Harrow. It might make me a basic bitch but I love that idiot.

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

CAMILLA THE SIXTH. MY FAVOURITE MURDER CHILD.

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

Aiglamene. She doesn't get enough love and I adore an older woman who could whip me into shape. She's basically my kung fu sijeh plus fifty years and a new leg.

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

There aren't a whole lot of obscure characters tbh. Everyone gets a lot of development. But I do suppose Cam doesn't get nearly as much screen time as, say, the Third twins. And she is absolutely a beloved of mine.

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

I actually like the Emperor quite a lot.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

ahahaha naberius tern, what a piece of shit

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

Literally every lyctor except <spoiler> who got forced into it by someone else's action.