#this is about Adora finally getting out from under the belief

[ericas-spop-blog]

All Your (My) Fault

===============

Man, it's almost like Corrupted!Catra isn't really Catra, and is instead a spectre giving voice to Adora's deepest fears!

[that-one-kiddo-in-the-back]

Fandoms creepy obsession with torture... Lily doesn't understand depression or trauma.

I've been sitting on this one for a while, so let's dig in. Today's word of the day is "Martry," a person who is killed for a belief.

Right off the bat, Lily starts talking about how we as a fandom is obsessed with the torture of WOC using Korra, Luz, and Anne and an example for a dark joke she made in her moon girl review and in this video she's only gonna be using Korra, Luz, and some She-ra.

She starts with Korra and the torture she experienced with the red lotus, the group that's been trying to kill Korra ever since she was born, and how in her Korra is garbage she was pretty harsh for how it portrays her trauma at the final season. She then goes on to explain the torture scene, how you saw everything in all its gory detail, makes a small insult towards Korra's VA, then how she's tossed around like a rag doll then almost suffocated with the end of all that being shown Korra weakly reaching for her father before she passes out... "a heartbreaking shot that is under cut by the sheer sadisticly glee the writers had when the tortured Korra." Something I found kinda funny was that in her long ass Korra is garbage video, she complained that you didn't see a dictator...acting like a dicktator. Korra is the main character in a made for teen show made in 2012, so yeah, you're gonna see the poor girl getting beaten down. In the 2010s, a lot of shows that were aimed for teenagers showed a bunch of main characters getting beaten down with barely any psychological effects. Teen wolf, young justice, the fosters, your name, and Chronicle all shows during the 2010s that displayed pretty horrific scenes of torture or just getting beaten up and that wasn't because of the fandom or the writers being fucking weird it was more of a trend that started out of nowhere.

Lily then decided to call that all torture porn all because Korra's trauma is erased, with there still some mercury in her body. She then goes on about "how people said that Korra's behavior is realistic because that's what people think trauma looked like you being sad and demotivated." She continues by explaining that trauma is deeper than which is true to a degree. That fact is trauma is not one thing. You can be depressed and not even want to get out of bed, which changes how you think. Lily thinks that just because Korra was able to slowly pick herself up that she's back to normal and not bothered by almost getting killed to which I say Lily did you really want to see Korra have panic attacks and constantly hallucinat? Because it sounds like you do.

At the end of her talking about Korra, she finishes it by saying that the torture wasn't necessarily and a big fuck you to character development and that it was just the writers getting off to the idea of torturing women... now to Luz.

Lily starts out by saying that Dana terrace is really into depressing and the macabre, but on a fan girl surface level and still thinks creepy pasta is cool (keep that shit out of your mouth Lily) Lily really can't help herself but to drag women/nb/transmen creators through the mud in her Korra section she didn't name drop or even show a picture of the creators or writers even though she said the men where showing off their creepy "torture fetish" before watching this I watched her video on Catra and Adora's relationship and how abusive Catra is and Lily called ND Stevenson a Creep and an abuse fetishist and I think this all comes from a place of jealousy because they were able to make something amazing and be green light for shows where no one is a right mind would trust Lily with a five dollar bill.

After Lily was finally able to pull herself away from talking shit on female creators, she finally started talking about Luz's trauma, bringing up how, in the last episode of the first season after Eda was dragged away she starts to fight Lilith and says that was her trauma response which it's not really. Eda being captured was the beginning of the traumatic experiences Luz was gonna go through. As the show went on, you can see more of Luz blaming herself for things out of her control. Even when it was the smallest thing, she'd go way out of her way to make it up. Luz's trauma response is trying to fix what she broke she's the kind of person that would bring treats as an apology and tell the person she wronged how sorry she is for a week.

Lily then goes on to complain that in season 3, she doesn't do anything she mops around instead of trying to fight like in season 1, but a lot has happened between 1 and 3 Luz's trauma and depression all falls from her blaming herself for everything that happened.

Eda being captured, seeing her mother and the promise she made, failing to attend her father's grave, seeing all of the past golden guards empty helmets, watching Hunter get dragged under by belos, finding out she help belos met the collector who in turn gave him the draining spell, and the final nail in the coffin being King sacrificing himself to protect her resulting in Luz and her friends being stuck in the human realm with no idea if their parents and family are alright. Who the fuck wouldn't be depressed after all that?! She says she wanted a scene where Luz talks about her trauma which she already does she talks to her mother she knows that everyone else isn't having a good time either so she doesn't want to talk about it. If you found out all of your friends were not doing so hot, would you really want to bother them with your problems? That's the thing with deep deep depression it makes you think the world would be better off without you. That you're a pest to your friends and family and that they would be happier without you, which isn't true, and even when you know that you can't stop thinking that anyway. Lily talks about depression like it's something easy to get over with, that if Luz just really sat down and talked about it, she'd instantly feel better and go back to her ass kicking self but that fact that she didn't Luz is now a terrible girlfriend.

Now, we all know how Lily deals with people who have crippling depression which to say she kicks them to the curb and dusts off her hands of the situation. Remember Lily broke up with someone who was in a horrible state of depression saying that she was being toxic and a waste of time, and to that, I say what kind of a cruel person ditches someone like that?

She calls Luz a shit person for having crippling depression for not talking about the root of her self blame. Luz has been keeping her role in helping belos with the mass genocide and other things a secret and lies because she believes the truth would hurt them more she's not being a shit person on purpose. Luz never expected her friends to paddle her bad behavior or to even shower her with affection she's expecting the opposite. She thinks that if she tells them the truth, they will look at her with disgust and leave her, you know, like the mind trap the collector put her in that showed her worst nightmare. That you would have known if you watched it!!!

Lily once again blames Dana for not having a crying scene when her show was canceled, and instead, we got a realistic depiction of crippling depression. She goes back on calling everyone in the fandom creepy fucks that like our slow burn hurt with no comfort fics and how we like it even more when it's with women and black people. Now I like my edgy fan fiction, and it's not because I like seeing black women getting tortured. I simply like it as an outlet. I like seeing strong men and other characters at their lowest. Seeing how people write out how they would react most of the stuff I read, I would never want to happen to me or my loved ones. Hell, if my friends tell me their in a depressed state, I'm not gonna leave them to dry (like some people).

Lily also really has the biggest balls to call professional writers bad when she only writes fanfiction she's done it with RS, ND, and Dana. As if she could do better. I write fanfiction, and I would never put myself up there with actual show writers and published authors she brings up her shit Star Wars fic, saying how her fan base around the story wanted to see the angst that she scrapped out then proceeded to call them all racist and sexist for wanting angst. This shows that her fic is so boring that people want to see more things happen.

And now we are finally towards the end of this garbage video, where she brings up how, in her personal life, she used to like being called names, and her "friends" told her it's just a kink and it doesn't mean anything but her therapist told her it's a problem she then goes onto say that she was making herself worse until she met people who loved her and that kink went away... now I'm glad she was able to fix her own problem, but that's not a universal thing. Some people need outlets, and kinks can sometimes help. It's not for everyone but to call people liars, freaks, and judge them for their own outlets is a fucked up thing to do.

Lastly, no writer has the intention of having their audience of kids jacking off to torture scenes. I think that says more about you, Lily, if that's what your conclusion was. The writers weren't freaks because you thought it was hot.

Do yourselves a favor and don't take mental health advice or writing advice from Lily.

[fannishcodex]

So I was just gonna finally share my thoughts on a little moment of c/// that always rubs me the wrong way about her, something that's worsened by what ultimately happens with her; and I was rewatching the scene to try to take a screenshot (which I apparently can't do, so I just took a photo), but...well, I rewatched the scene.

And I think the dialogue really does suggest c/// is aware that her triggering the portal caused the loss of Angella? This is the scene I was thinking of, from S4E1; this is the dialogue (with italics for emphasis):

c///: We need to talk about plans for--

Hordak: Plans? (Bitter laugh.) Your last plan was to set off the portal machine before it was ready. Do you remember how that ended?

c///: Whatever. It worked out for us, didn't it? (Gloating grin.) The Rebellion's a mess. Their queen is gone.

It just really sounds like Hordak and c/// know that c/// activating the portal machine led to the loss of Queen Angella. (Does anyone else read it differently?)

It’s not perfectly explicit, but it really seems very close. Not every word is said, but their connections seem clear. It really seems to read to me that both c/// and Hordak know that c/// starting the portal caused the loss of Angella, and c/// treats it as a success/something to take advantage of (while Hordak seems more stuck on, y’know, c/// activating the portal apparently starting to rip the world apart--but then he’s very depressed over the belief that Entrapta betrayed him because of course he was never truly worthy of affection from anyone let alone someone like her; so it feels like he loses a grip on his pretty valid point to sink back into despair).

Like, I always thought c/// knew, but there’s been some fandom talk that she might not, as part of general fandom talk wondering how many characters actually know the specifics of what happened to Angella and who was directly responsible for it--and I honestly wasn’t buying that c/// didn’t know, though I was buying that Glimmer didn’t know because I keep thinking about that for salty post-S5 fic

[more discussion under the cut, and warning: even more spop salt below. i was late to the fandom and finished the show early this year, it still feels fresh to me--that, and this dialogue ended up reminding me of things.]

(fic where Glimmer freaks out after learning it wasn’t just vaguely the Horde in general that got Angella trapped, it was specifically c///--and that’s the only reason she’s been weirdly chill with c/// in S5, Glimmer didn’t know what c/// actually did to her mom--but Glimmer flips out when she learns). But I thought the show might not be as explicit as I thought. But then I rewatched the scene I was thinking of, the one from S4E1, and it seems like both c/// and Hordak know c/// triggering the portal caused the loss of Angella.

Like even if looking at the on-screen events doesn't seem to make sense (c/// finally gets destroyed in portal disaster before Angella steps up to save everyone [even c///], c/// doesn't know Entrapta ended up foiling c///’s portal plans after all by figuring out what can be done to save everyone from the portal disaster), the dialogue seems to really say differently. Like the dialogue doesn't seem to comprehensively consider what was shown and just suggests that c/// and Hordak actually are aware of this piece of information after all.

Here’s some more analysis of the dialogue, again with italics for emphasis and my notes in brackets:

c///: We need to talk about plans for--

Hordak: Plans? (Bitter laugh.) Your last plan was to set off the portal machine before it was ready. Do you remember how that ended? [It sounds like Hordak is very much directly talking about what c/// activating the portal caused, and his tone (that bitter laugh, etc.)/the context implies it was not good in his mind.]

c///: Whatever. It worked out for us, didn't it? [This directly follows and responds to Hordak bringing up how c///’s last plan with the portal ended, and it sounds like c/// is acknowledging what Hordak said, that her activating the portal had consequences, but then she suggests they turned out to be good for their side. And look at the next few sentences that directly follow this.] (Gloating grin.) The Rebellion's a mess. Their queen is gone. [This part directly follows “It worked out for us, didn't it?”, suggesting they’re all connected, suggesting it’s c/// then elaborating/specifying on how it worked out for them. And due to the context of their conversation, it feels like she also implies that it’s because of her it’s all worked out, she’s claiming ownership over what happened--the rebellion in disarray, the loss of their queen, and those are all good things for their side in her mind, and they’re results of the portal machine she activated, as pointed out by Hordak and seemingly acknowledged by c///. It’s not quoted here, but as the scene continues, Hordak doesn’t seem to dispute these last lines from c///, he doesn’t deny that c/// activating the portal led to the loss of the queen, he just seems to silently acknowledge her last lines as fact and continues their conversation. It feels like meaning is in the order of the sentences, how they seem to respond to each other and connect.]

It just feels less ambiguous, and more clear to me. It actually feels harder for me to read the dialogue as c/// and Hordak not knowing the portal c/// activated led to the loss of the queen; it really feels like they talk like they know who’s responsible and what their actions caused, it really feels like they talk as if they know c/// activating the portal machine led to “the rebellion [being a] mess” and to “[t]heir queen [being] gone.” Their conversation actually starts feeling odd if it’s instead read as if Hordak and c/// don’t know c/// activating the portal didn’t lead to the rebellion in disarray and the loss of the queen, because the text of their conversation really suggests the opposite to me. 

I noticed in some of the same fandom talk wondering about how many people knew the specifics about Angella’s fate, I remember there was someone who suggested that maybe the rebellion just sent out news that Angella sacrificed herself to prevent a critical disaster. And now I’m thinking maybe they even more explicitly said Angella did it to close a disastrous portal; either way, c/// and Hordak could’ve heard about that and put two-and-two together and realized c/// “set[ting] off the portal machine before it was ready” led to the loss of the queen--and now that they know that, they can have a conversation where Hordak criticizes c///’s plan with the portal and can ask her “do you remember how that ended?”, with c/// just responding with “it worked out for us, didn’t it? the rebellion’s a mess. their queen is gone.”

The dialogue feels like it’s missing a few words that could make it even more explicit, but they’re only linking words, and the meaning is plain enough without them. Like (bolding example of more linking words/phrases):

c///: We need to talk about plans for--

Hordak: Plans? (Bitter laugh.) Your last plan was to set off the portal machine before it was ready. Do you remember how that ended? Do you remember what you did?

c///: Whatever. It worked out for us, didn't it? (Gloating grin.) Look what it did for us, look what I did--the Rebellion's a mess. Their queen is gone.

And the dialogue as “screenshots”/pics here:

Again, it really feels like c/// and Hordak know that c/// activating the portal led to the loss of the queen, and it’s something that c/// sees as a win, something that makes her smile.

Even before rewatching this part, I felt other things still pointed to c/// knowing what she did to Queen Angella, or suggested she knew even on a thematic level (like, it would be thematically appropriate if she knew). Again, as mentioned above, maybe the rebellion/royal alliance shared news about what happened to Angella, and c/// could put two-and-two together and realize she was responsible. I also was thinking that c/// was aware that the portal disaster was literally destroying/killing everyone, and she still didn’t care to stop it--

Adora: Catra, look what’s happening! You’re going to destroy everything!

Catra: I don’t care. I won’t let you win. I’d rather see the whole world end than let that happen.

So, kinda feel like, with the timing of it all actually, c/// could connect the dots--the portal’s somehow fixed (Adora’s won after all, again), Adora looked murderously furious, probably not long after there’s news of the queen’s loss...I feel like with that, with the close timing of those moments and with the knowledge of the portal’s destructiveness, c/// could put two-and-two together and even assume that not everyone was able to escape the portal’s destruction even after the portal was apparently fixed, that the queen couldn’t escape the destructive portal c/// caused. And tbh feel like the show makes other sorta jumps in logic anyway, and I feel like going “forget it, why not make my own jump in logic about spop then?”

But then I rewatched the S4E1 scene, and...well, again the dialogue really seems like it suggests that c/// knows what she did. And that Hordak knows too.

In any case, I think it works better that c/// knows she caused the loss of Angella, even if S5 doesn’t follow up on it with any sort of satisfying narrative payoff. I feel like c/// not knowing would be another poor writing choice. I feel like it would take away too much emotional weight if c/// doesn’t know and never knows by the end of the show that she caused the loss of Angella. And season 5 already ends up taking a lot of emotional weight away from the previous seasons, so I wasn’t looking forward to more getting discarded. Like...it’s okay c/// actually appears this knowingly cruel. So much of her character really does end up like that. It’s less okay when S5 tries to ignore that and sweep it aside.

And after everything, it would just be...jarring if on top of everything, on top of no character essentially being allowed to express negative feelings toward c///* and on top of S5 ignoring Angella, if c/// also apparently had no idea what she did to Angella. It would just feel like another thing artificially bending to give c/// a very unearned and flat “happy resolution.” Like so much in S5 is artificially forced to cater to c///, the show artificially forcing c/// back into a being a punching bag instead of acknowledging/honoring her ascent in power in a very artificially forced attempt to make the audience Sympathetic for c/// without addressing what c/// did and her twisted behavior (i.e. it really feels like the show tries to force, “ohno look at what’s happening to c/// forget-everything-she-did-before look at what’s happening to her now and-definitely-don’t-think-about-how-c///-activating-the-portal-brought prime-to-etheria-and-she-literally-summoned-her-own-defeat-while-trying-to-destroy-etheria-out-of-spite-for-adora-and-successfully-trapped-Angella-between-dimensions-or-that-c///-tried-to-brainwash-adora-in-season-2-or-that-c///-electrocuted-adora-in-season-4-and-how-for-most-of-the-show-c///-has-very-willingly-and-maliciously-fought-adora just forget all that”), so many characters don’t get to have more natural-feeling reactions to her, it feels like too many of her actions are clumsily swept under the rug, so tbh I don’t like the idea of “c/// also didn’t know she caused the loss of Angella” added to that.  

(*It’s just so...weird/unsatisfying/monotone and frankly boring that ultimately only c/// gets to wallow in negative feelings with ultimately little consequence while no other character ultimately gets to feel as negatively as her. Why is that by the end, only c/// got to absolutely lose it? And that’s a lot of “ultimately’s” since I find it a pretty good one-word adjective for how I feel about spop canon, like there are things it does before but then ultimately a lot of it is undermined and negated in the end.)

(And even if c/// really didn’t know, feel like in this context it would not lessen the harm she did--though it would very much ditch a lot of emotional weight and lead to even more weak writing/an even weaker story. It would just be another poor writing choice.)

And tbh I don’t mind venting/criticizing c/// because canonically she’s fine. She gets everything she wants, every character given screentime and dialogue time with her pretty much just accepts her, no one ultimately rejects her, no one ultimately gets to be mad at her. She’s fine in the show and she has a large fanbase. I feel pretty much zero compunction over criticizing her and not caring for her because it’s really not gonna cause any problems, she’s fine (poorly written, but fine). I’m not about to enter the c/// tag (and I’ve been trying to avoid her name for partly this reason) with my criticism for a character they like.

...And it’s just weird, because I was, I really was thinking “I guess c/// knowing what she did to Angella could’ve been less explicit than I thought, but I still think she knows, and I guess it’s my headcanon now--” and then I rewatch the S4E1 scene I’m thinking of and I’m just surprised and thrown by how it does seem to actually more explicitly/clearly suggest that c/// and Hordak definitely know c///’s responsible for what happened to Angella after all. Like even if the visual scenes don’t add up, the dialogue suggests c/// and Hordak know that c/// activating the portal led to the loss of the queen. It could be like contradictory info, but it’s there on the screen (and spop’s contradicted itself before); it’s viable enough to just go by what the characters are saying/their dialogue. And I can headcanon all I want about the specific logistics of how they know. I think that’s kind of already happening with more talk about how much characters actually know about Angella’s fate and who’s directly responsible for it, and it feels like it’s partly a way to rationalize why Glimmer ends up so bizarrely chill with the person directly responsible for the loss of her mom. And the S4E1 dialogue at least does more to address c/// and Hordak knowing about the consequences of c/// activating the portal than all of S5 largely ignoring Angella and c///’s role in her fate and how Glimmer should really feel about that.

And tbh, I’m more inclined to believe/headcanon that Glimmer didn’t know in S5 that c/// is directly responsible for the loss of her mother. So except for the idea of c/// not knowing, I’ve been finding the talk about how much characters actually know about the portal disaster to be interesting. Again, think Glimmer might not know c/// activating the portal led to the loss of her mom. It again makes me wonder if like all of Etheria’s citizens remember the portal disaster almost destroying them and if they have some existential dread, or just passed it off as an awful dream because they had no context for what was happening, what was that if not a bad dream? But it was so terribly strange, and so many seemed to have had the same or similar nightmares... Can you imagine the portal disaster happening and you have zero context for what the hell is going on? Adora and co. had context/more understanding; most of Etheria did not. Kyle and the Horde Trio touch on this a little, but it’s sorta...more a gag and I kinda wish in retrospect this had been explored more too. This may be yet another instance of the show nonsensically holding back to cater to c/// and avoid any natural follow-through on plot/theme/character threads in favor of ultimately ensuring everything’s too easy for c/// and she doesn’t have to deal with any real emotional consequences. But this might further fuel the idea that the rebellion did make some announcement about Angella saving everyone from a portal disaster for everyone’s peace of mind, to try to explain to them what the hell happened.

Anyway, did like how this all made me think of some new spop ideas, and it felt like it personally clarified more things about spop for me.

[ilikemesometaetaes]

Don’t Hold Your Breath ~ jjk

Chapter Five (M)

•••> Author: @ilikemesometaetaes​

•••> Summary: As the CEO of an international government security company, you have the world at your fingertips. Living life lavishly and extravagantly has become the norm. Behind closed doors, however, you host a past that renders you lonely and, quite frankly, miserable. It’s only a matter of time before your past comes back to bite you right in the ass.

•••> Pairing(s): Jungkook/Reader, Taehyung/Reader (slight)

•••> Inspo: This fic is inspired by the song “SAVAGE ANTHEM” by PARTYNEXTDOOR. Thank you to @dariangarcia​, @btssmutgalore​, and @junghoseokit​ for supporting my work. To my mamas, Kaitlin, Adora, Lauren, Lanie, Lu, and Sher.

•••> Word Count: 6.54k

•••> Rating: 18+

•••> Tags: angst | smut | ceo!au | rockstar!au | CEO!Reader | Rockstar!Jungkook | AU!BTS | Exes to Lovers

•••> Warnings: angst, infidelity, oral (m receiving), heartbreak, cursing, pining, depression, breakup, mention(s) of therapy/counseling, arguing, drug use, alcohol use | Warnings are written specifically to chapter.

Copyright © 2020 ilikemesometaetaes. All Rights Reserved.

Taglist: @dariangarcia​​ @apurpledheart​​ @itsgottabeyoo-ngs​​ @hytibm​ @namjinsbaby​ @ggukkieland​

If you’d like to be added to the taglist, say so in a comment to this chapter or the DHYB Main Page, or send me an ask!

NAVIGATION: Chapter Four (M) <- | -> Chapter Six (M) -> Mini-Masterlist -> Series Masterlist

•••> Official Playlist

~#~

“Is it something we discussed now? The truth got you in disgust now, ‘cause I’d rather we just fuck now.”

THEN.

Sitting at your desk at work never felt so somber as you remembered how it all changed. The chain of events that led up to your fight with him the previous night were too hard to ignore anymore.

You remember fighting for him- for the both of you.

The tears flooded your eyes and, thankfully, blurred your vision from the scene before you.

Jungkook sat on a couch placed in the corner of the club, completely inebriated and high out of his mind. But that’s not what hurt you.

What completely ripped your heart from your chest was the woman draped across his exposed lap with her hair held in one hand while she used the other to wrap around the part of his dick that she couldn’t reach whilst she closed her lips over it.

Blinking your tears from your eyes on instinct allowed you to see that another set of eyes was looking at you. And they weren’t Jungkook’s.

Taehyung’s scowl, paired with furrowed eyebrows and sad eyes, was another image from that night you couldn’t get out of your head. There was no shock nor surprise on his face- he was expecting you. Taehyung knew that you would see. He didn’t try to deter you from coming to the club and he didn’t send any warning texts. He was the one who invited you in the first place.

The scene was an unforgettable one.

You should have taken Taehyung’s word for it from the start. He had given you hints that you simply couldn’t bother yourself to pay attention to.

While you possessed the knowledge and evidence that Jungkook cheated on you that night, you couldn’t bring yourself to properly address it. Each time you got around to speaking with him about it, you ended up brushing it off for another time.

Finding an excuse for yourself to defend him was easy.

The drugs and alcohol were the problem. You saw it yourself that night. He was in a completely different world when you saw him doing the deed. His eyes were glazed out with beautiful lips agape in complete, drug-induced ecstasy, unknowing of what he was doing. There was no way he was aware of what was actually happening or even what day it was.

But then came the day that it got so bad that you asked him to go get help. You were willing to forgive his negligence if he was willing to get it fixed.

It was the cause of your final fight.

“I’m not going to fucking rehab, Y/N.” He laughed spitefully. “There is nothing wrong with me. I’m a fucking rockstar. This is what rockstars do.”

“They also cheat on their girlfriends?” You sarcastically asked.

Jungkook chuckled darkly while looking at the floor. After a moment, he met your eyes in a cold gaze before he opened his mouth.

“Rockstars don’t have girlfriends.”

The weight of the statement pressured heavily on you in realization of what he was implying, pushing all of the air from your lungs. You were struck silent with an invisible smack offered by his words. No sound could escape your mouth as you stared back at him in a silent question: did it mean what you thought it meant?

“Yeah.” Was all he said in the deafening silence to answer your unspoken query, looking at the ground awkwardly. He was quick to add another few words to finally hit the nail on the coffin. “But if you still want to fuck, I’m down.”

“But- but I…” Your voice trembled weakly, feeling your eyes ache with incoming tears, but you fought them with every ounce of will that you had as your abhorrence was built up by his last words. The ground was swallowing you up and you were trying to claw your way free. “I waited for you to get better. You told me things would get better once you took off.”

“Don’t hold your breath, Y/N.” He laughed heartily.

Your heart was no longer beating. Not in your mind, anyway.

You felt as the life was torn from your lungs with the most simple and practical words; your world taken from you and all air seeming too thick to inhale. 

Awfully, you couldn’t seem to listen to his words this time. You didn’t want to. Breathing seemed much too difficult as you felt him snatch the light from your life with one swipe.

There was no chance that you would let him watch you cry- no way he was going to watch the pain he delivered onto you take physical effect. You were disappointed and neglected- a pawn in the game he played. You were sick of playing now.

Instead, you turned around, grabbed your purse off of the kitchen table-

And left.

Sitting at your desk with all of the sadness that Jeon Jungkook brought into your life, you decided that it was finally time to leave. You needed to leave Korea. You needed to move on to bigger and better things.

Your hand was reaching for your phone before you could stop yourself from doubling back. It’s about time.

Googling for a moving company- any moving company- only took you a few seconds and you pressed the call button with a new sense of conviction.

“Good afternoon! Thank you for calling Team Wang’s Moving Company! What can I assist you with today?”

Making sure your voice was level and controlled, you spoke, “I’d like to schedule a move of items from a storage unit here in Korea to another country. Am I able to do that?”

“Of course, ma’am! We can get started on preparations for that right away! What was the location that you were referencing? We are limited on the countries we can ship to due to certain regulations.”

Without any further hesitation or pondering over the past, you settled on it.

“Italy.”

Jungkook

He sat in his room for a while with an empty lyric journal, letting the high slowly fade from his body as regret began pumping through his veins. Jungkook had put up the act for Taehyung, but after he saw his brother angrily storm out the door and he was left alone to the ever familiar havoc in his mind, the fight to maintain his mask was easily lost.

What the fuck did he do?

Seeing you cry was common for him; Jungkook had made you cry too many times to count, but that didn’t take away from the way it ripped apart the sinew in his chest every time he saw that look in your eyes as tears streamed down your cheeks.

He managed to convince himself of the belief that it was impossible for you to care that much anymore. You just couldn’t. Not when he had fucked up the first time. He had broken your trust and he didn’t trust himself enough to try and earn yours back, fearing that he would just fuck you up past recovery- like himself.

Jungkook was beyond rejuvenation and beyond any form of succor. Nothing could help him silence his demons except the cold and dark embrace of death. Even now, sitting in silence in his bedroom to let the remorse for you distract him from the torment of the empty organ beating in his chest, he felt them begin to criticize him.

Jungkook’s parents and brother died young, victims of a drunken asshole who decided that it was a good idea to get behind the wheel to try and get home to his girlfriend. What a fucking prick.

For some reason, Jungkook decided that it would be a good idea to stay home and worry about the girl that he liked at school, making little sketches to slip into her lunchbox once lunch came around. 

Of all days he could have stayed home, it just had to be that one. He should have gone to the grocery store with them. He should have been in that car with them.

The voices in his head began three weeks after the funeral- when Jungkook reached the ripe age of twelve. Constantly battering him down, twisting his heart, and suffocating his head, he recognized that it was his own voice and his own psyche attacking the sanctity of his soul after he watched the three coffins sink into the cold ground. 

It just had to rain that day, water filling the nice dress shoes his father bought for him a few months prior as mud covered the black leather.

He reached adulthood much too fast. Even under the care of his parents’ friends, he was forced by his own will to become independent. They tried to shower him with the same love and support that his family had, but it was no use- Jungkook was alone. No one could fill that gap in his heart once it was made empty.

He’ll admit, he was a bit more dramatic back then.

He was approaching his seventeenth birthday when he smoked for the first time, turning it into a habit by the time he graduated high school. He had been dragged out to an end-of-the-year school gathering by Taehyung, a senior who was much too silent like himself- who understood that Jungkook preferred the quiet due to the mayhem in his mind. They had formed a tranquil and mostly unspoken bond over the months that they studied together.

“Is it safe?” Jungkook muttered while looking at his older companion of the silence curiously.

“I’ve done it a few times and I was fine. Just take it slow at first. Try two hits and then wait like twenty or thirty minutes.” Taehyung’s contralto voice was somehow comforting to Jungkook, a beacon in the chaos that was the kickback they were currently separating themselves from. “If you don’t want to, that’s cool. You don’t have to.”

“Nah,” Jungkook’s desire to break out of his shell was a little spurred by Taehyung who seemed to aid him in the most odd yet unobtrusive way. “I’ll try it. Might be cool.”

The only two at the campfire while the rest of their year mates drank and danced to music in the house, Jungkook and Taehyung shared their first high together.

Then, the voices stopped.

Jungkook was shaken to his core, gripping the arms of the camping chair he sat in until his fingers ached and his knuckles turned white. For the first time in six years, his head was blanketed in silence.

Slightly panicked at the new sensation, he turned to Taehyung for help, only to find that his friend was sitting back with his head craned up, gazing intently at the stars. Jungkook followed his stare and struggled to see them past the glow of the flames in front of him, only to grow enraptured by the gorgeous twinkling of each small dot in the midnight sky once his eyes adjusted. Strangely, he was hit by a sudden burst of inspiration.

“I could write a song right now.” Jungkook told the sky confidently.

“You write?” He saw Taehyung turn to look at him out of the corner of his eye. Meeting his friend’s observance, he let a smile lazily grace his face for once as he replied.

“I do occasionally. I always wanted to be a singer when I was younger.”

“Me too.” Taehyung chuckled with a sense of wistfulness, fixing his stare on the small inferno in the fire pit. “Well, I wanted to be a bassist really bad. Maybe sing a little.”

Overcome with the emotions of maybe not being totally alone, Jungkook’s inner sageness spewed from his mouth without falter, wholly due to the graceful and relaxed feeling that he received from the high.

“We’re still young.” He reasoned. “We can still do it.”

“I’ll be studying music in university after my military service is over. My most realistic dream now is to become a studio bassist for some record company.” Taehyung laid his head back again, closing his eyes.

“Hey,” Jungkook called for his friends attention and the older boy looked at him with slightly bloodshot eyes. “We can do something with this if we really want to. I’ll follow you to university. Never really had a solid plan for where I wanted to go to anyway.” Jungkook stuck his hand out in a silent offer, hoping that his proposition wouldn’t be crushed.

Taehyung smiled mellowly, taking his younger friend’s hand with his in a handshake. “Sounds like a plan, my friend.”

After Taehyung graduated and enlisted, Jungkook completed his senior year with a new hobby- well, two new hobbies: writing and smoking.

With the impending date of his enlistment, he knew that he had to give it up as he was going to get drug tested. For two years, he kept up with himself without the help of the self-administered psychoactive drug therapy.

Service was a good distraction from the voices. Having things to do to keep him busy and writing in any free time he had, he was kept delightfully aloof from the dark corners of his mind. It also helped that he enlisted into the same garrison that Taehyung was assigned to.

Taehyung welcomed Jungkook into university with open arms. Now, at the age of twenty, Jungkook was a seasoned and trained man. The voices still loomed over him, but they were pushed to the back of his mind as he learned to deal with the emptiness.

He had highs to suppress his demons, he had his songs to communicate himself to others, and he had Taehyung.

Although it wasn’t nearly enough to fill his empty glass, it was empty no longer.

Jungkook lay in his bed as he watched the violet sky turn midnight blue, the already-set sun pulling the rest of its light away from his side of the earth. 

Naked and vulnerable under the scrutiny of the world, he lay in the sheets with his head turned toward the window, presenting the sorrow brimming in his eyes right back to the invisible gaze of the universe. With no form of judgement in response to him, he was left to ponder over the things he had done.

Because even now, with a slight high from the drugs, he realized that he could still hear them- the whispers, murmurs, and dronings of impugnment continued to poison his mind. He found it funny that he was always pressing the voices away, yet whenever confronted by the menace that was his emotions, they were his safety blanket. 

Pulling the sheets to his body while he curled into himself, Jungkook realized that he felt completely bare and exposed without the voices.

He’d keep them back to the point of a whisper so that he could call on them to protect him with a roaring intensity during bad times. There was never a time that he wasn’t manually suppressing them if he wasn’t high anymore.

With a shaken mind, he realized the only true way they were silent without true effort now. The drugs had stopped suppressing them a long time ago. There was no way he was able to have silence unless he was actually enforcing the lack of sound onto himself.

Not unless he was with you.

You provided light and hope and everything good to him, You gave him the things that were snatched away from him all those years ago- the things that he forced himself to live without. Unlike Taehyung, who gave him the sense of having a brother again, you gave him the love of everyone he lost. You acted like a sibling, gave him the comfort like a mother, and gave him the stern challenge and teachings of a father- if that made any sense.

Without you, he felt like his family; Jungkook felt lost and alone. Even as an up-and-coming rockstar with thousands of fans scrambling to get to know him, he felt like he was the last man on the planet who kept himself back while everyone else moved on to a better world.

The night at the club still haunted him, the truth of what happened chilling him to the bone- even if he didn’t exactly remember any of it.

Shit. Maybe he needed help after all.

NOW.

Sitting with his back to the door, staring at the night of New York City, Jungkook did not hear Namjoon enter the room with both of his bodyguards in tow.

“We’re staying another few days.” His older brother informed him, breaking him from his trance-like gaze.

“Goody.” Jungkook sighed, setting his empty glass down on the table in front of him. With a huff, he stood and stretched. Namjoon uttered a quick ‘give us a second’ to his men before the shuffling of feet and the door closing behind him signaled the beginning of a serious conversation.

“You know she’s still here, right? It’s not too late to go and talk to her.” Jungkook could feel the man’s eyes on his back, pity dousing the information that Jungkook was already aware of.

But Jungkook didn’t need Namjoon’s pity. It was enough that Namjoon saw his feelings on paper. Nothing more needed to be shared.

Still, he respected his brother’s wisdom and he remembered the words of his counselor. ‘Accept the silence. Then, do the talking from the inside. The only one truly speaking, inside and out loud, is you.’

“I know. I already spoke to her. Some things…” Jungkook’s volume died down for a moment, unsure of how to put it, as he turned his head to look at his brother in a silent plea for assistance. “…happened the other night. She came and saw me again today,”

“-I didn’t know what to do and I acted like a dickhead.” He looked back down and chuckled spitefully to himself, wisps of a shadow materializing back into the depths of his mind once he stopped speaking.

Namjoon exhaled after not realizing that he was holding his breath following his own comment. Carefully, he approached Jungkook so as to not trigger him into closing himself off. Despite having received professional assistance and counseling for two years, Jungkook was still as fragile as fine china.

The older man placed a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder before slightly forcing Jungkook to face him.

“Tell me, Jungkook,” Namjoon looked into his eyes, prying into the windows of his soul, to capture a glimpse of the storm clouds brewing in his brother’s brown orbs. “Do you still love her?”

Jungkook didn’t know how to answer at first.

The voices began permeating Jungkook’s mind ever so slowly as an automatic reaction to being emotionally jabbed. He didn’t like addressing his feelings; the voices were all he could fall back on when he felt threatened, deafening volume drowning out the possibility for anything to reach into him too deep. They gave him the things- the bad things- he needed to say in order to protect himself.

As he sifted through the past two years, however, looking back on the help he had received and the exercises he went through that allowed him to no longer fear the natural silence- to embrace it without the drugs- he knew that no one was threatening him and no one was going to hurt him. Jungkook was asked if he still loved you and he couldn’t have the negativity surrounding him if he was going to answer that question, so he moved his trepidation out of the way to see what was left for you.

Behind it all- the fear, meaningless women, music, loss- lay a withering yet ever-present being, its wings tattered and flayed at the edges. With its first glances of light, with no smog to block it, it beat its tiny appendages with potential and came to life upon Jungkook’s realization of what it was.

His arrant and perennial love for you.

Jungkook briefly remembered the meadow- your meadow- and all of the tiny butterflies that were living out their lives in the beauty of the world that day. A butterfly adorned with blue and black splotches of color on its wings had managed to land on your head for a split second when he adjusted your hair. The particular memory and the events that followed on that day relocated as the tiny butterfly inside his mind fluttered upwards.

Jungkook’s heart soared with newfound beginnings- a second chance.

“I do, hyung. I do.” He whispered, voice wavering under the force of the emotions that came bubbling up from his chest. Tears filled his eyes, prompting his older brother to pull him into an embrace.

Jungkook’s body racked with cries at the feeling of comfort and warmth, unable to stop himself from feeling the raw emotions he had delayed for too long. Instead of needing to push the darkness out of the way, it came pouring out of him in radiating waves much too intense for him to handle alone.

“Hyung! I love her! I love her!” He chanted into his brother’s shoulder. “I hurt her! She was all mine and I tossed her away!”

Namjoon, although shocked by the psychological state and emotional outburst of his usually stoic bandmate, held him with care and waited until his brother’s breathing calmed before suggesting his next move. “Then go and get her, Kook.”

“She’s-” Jungkook had to swallow to wet his dry throat. “She’s with Taehyung right now.”

“Then wait until morning. From what Jin-hyung said, she’ll be here until the end of the week.”

So, wait is what Jungkook did.

He woke up at eight the next morning and called your personal assistant, finding his number easily on your company’s preliminary email to everyone in his organization for the whole UN ordeal. After two rings, the man answered.

“Halo! This is Brian Morena, representative and PA to Ms. Y/N Y/L/N. Who do I have the pleasure of speaking with?”

“Jeon Jungkook.” Jungkook stated his name lowly and unsurely, cautious as to how to approach asking him about your schedule.

“Ah, Mr. Jeon! It is a pleasure to speak with you! I’ll just verify your phone number really quick. It will only take a moment.” The line went silent for a few seconds and Jungkook waited on the edge of his bed with a bouncing knee and a fingernail between his teeth. After a few more seconds, the man was back on the phone. “You’re good! What can I do for you today?”

“I was just wondering if I could possibly get my hands on Ms. Y/N’s schedule for the day.” Jungkook heard how weird the request sounded the moment it flew from his lips. Quickly, he came up with a lie to soothe the request with reasoning. “She left her jacket in the elevator and I wish to return it to her- personally.”

Jungkook added the last part, knowing that the man would just tell him to give it to an employee of your own building, and Jungkook couldn’t have that. He wanted- no, needed- to see you.

“I see.” Brian responded thoughtfully. “Well, in that case, I’m unable to disclose her whereabouts due to security reasons.” Jungkook’s heart dropped a little at the notion of being unable to speak with you while his heart was still flying open. Then, Brian spoke again.

“But if she is in her hotel during her free time, she will be in her penthouse and I will assign you a temporary elevator key so that you can get to her door. It won’t unlock the door, but it will get you in front of it. Does that sound alright, Mr. Jeon?”

Jungkook smiled triumphantly. “Yes, that sounds lovely. Thank you, Brian.”

“It’s no problem, sir! Though, I do suggest you move quickly because she only has the next two and a half hours before she has her first scheduled event of the day. Your key will be ready for you in the next ten minutes. Have to wait until your status change goes through properly.” Brian was busy clacking away at his keyboard while he spoke, but Jungkook couldn’t be more overjoyed that he had succeeded in his plan thus far.

Things will work out. I’ll get her back. However much and however long it takes.

He dressed casually and indiscriminately with a mask over his face so as to not draw attention. After searching for it on google and exiting the hotel onto the street, he hailed a cab to take him to the first flower shop he could find to order you a bouquet of white tulips- obviously, he had to google that too. Jungkook had no idea what the best flower for apologies and hopes of new beginnings was. He was no botanical genius and that was a fact.

Once he had the flowers in his hand after a grueling wait, he stopped by the closest coffee shop to buy your favorite coffee- with two creams and three sugars if he remembered correctly. Despite the amount of time the florist had wasted, he made his way back to the hotel on foot so that he could properly practice what he was going to say to you. If he was going to make it right, he needed all the practice he could get.

Take off the mask. Don’t be a dick. Take off the mask. Don’t be a dick.

Jungkook let the incantations fill his head so that the haze of negativity didn’t have a chance to snap back into place over his single, delicate emotion. He was vulnerable and fighting the mental pressure with everything he had so that he could bare himself long enough to at least get back on good terms with you.

By the time he was back in front of your hotel building, it was a quarter to ten and he was left cursing the florist for taking so long. He stood awkwardly on the pavement, allowing himself a few breaths before he decided to enter the glass doors. Jungkook knew that he would be attracting attention by standing in front for so long, yet he couldn’t help but need a moment to send a prayer to whichever god was watching over him.

Closing his eyes, he craned his head up and took one last inhale whilst sending a silent plea for things to work out. To see you smiling and happy again. To hold you in his arms and hear you silence every one of his demons once and for all.

What he didn’t expect was one of his prayers to be promptly answered.

As he opened his eyes to look at the late morning sky, he caught sight of you immediately, sitting on the restaurant balcony- laughing and smiling. But you weren’t laughing and smiling to yourself.

You were giving your joy and happiness to Taehyung whose hand was covering yours above the table, grinning endearingly and adoringly back at you.

Jungkook’s hands grew numb, warranting the flowers and coffee to slip from his grasp onto the sidewalk, as he drowned in smog once again.

NOW.

You

“He never wanted you to leave.”

You sat, dumbfounded for a moment, as Taehyung said the words. You didn’t let the shock last for long, knowing that what he said must have been a lie.

“There’s no way.” You chuckled scornfully. “He told me himself, Taehyung. He didn’t want me anymore.”

“Y/N, take it from me. I loved you. I wanted to see you happy.” He grimaced briefly, most likely from the personal statement, while turning his eyes down to place his gaze on his empty plate in front of him. “But I knew that he made you happy even though he made you sad. He made you happy in a way that I never could. And he wanted to see you that way- happy.”

“I’m sorry, Tae. I- I should’ve-” Your heart ached for a moment as you tried to find the words to say, wishing for the first time that you had been in love with him instead.

“Don’t apologize, Y/N. You can’t force feelings like that and I sure as hell was not going to force you into anything that you didn’t want.”

A question burned behind your eyes, tugging your heart to remember the past.

“Then why did you let me see?” Your eyes turned cold. The drop in your tone nor the change of your mood were directed at him, but they were caused by him nonetheless.

“Because I was young and thought you had a chance to find that happiness elsewhere.” He sighed, taking the opportunity to place his hand over yours on the table while his words distracted you. “And for that, I’m sincerely sorry. I know that friends are supposed to help each other out, but that was a situation that was out of my hands and not mine to handle or get involved in.”

“I’m not blaming you for my relationship issues. I never did and I never will. So don’t apologize.” You looked down at the way his hand covered yours. “I just wanted to know.”

Taehyung pat your hand in an attempt for you to look at him again. When you did, he continued his sentiment.

“Jungkook didn’t want you to leave at all. He has this… thing. It’s not really my place to say anything, but I’ve been friends with him for years and he’s had it a bit rough. I know that he’s a dick- believe me, I know-“ You quirked an eyebrow at his expression. “But he’s got something he keeps hidden behind that thick skull of his that you should probably know about.”

“Why can’t you just tell me?” You asked, curious as to what he could be alluding to.

“Because you guys still need to talk. He was never good at talking to you about things.”

“I’m never fucking talking to him ever again.” You deadpanned.

“Please do it for me, Y/N.” His eyes begged with his plea, pulling you in.

“Oh? And why should I do it for you, hm?” You joked with him to steer the conversation away from the heavy subject, a small smile playing upon your lips. “I think you were the one apologizing to me.”

“Well, all I can say is that I’m sorry. I was supposed to be there for you- when you needed a shoulder to cry on and when you needed someone to binge watch TV shows with.” He smiled with his attempted joke that you couldn’t help but laugh at.

“You’re the best TV show buddy.” You giggled and looked down at your joined hands again, rotating your own so that you could hold his. To be friends with him after all this time… is it possible?

“Oh, I know I am!” He laughed loudly again, prompting you to quickly look around the restaurant area and the street below you, mild panic setting in once more. You tilted your head in confusion and pity at the sight of a few white flowers lying on the pavement next to a splattered drink.

“Poor flowers.” You muttered to yourself. “They’re so pretty.”

You watched Taehyung turn to look where you were staring from the corner of your eye. “Oh yeah. Would you look at that? Such a waste.”

Instead of taking any more time, you stood and straightened your blazer to remove the wrinkles. “We should probably get out of here. I have a security meeting in a little while.”

“How long is a little while?” Taehyung asked as he stood and pressed his hands to his own coat. You made eye contact with Jay who was already stood and ready to go, nodding to him as you answered Taehyung’s question.

“About an hour and a half. Why?”

“Damn. That’s not enough time. Maybe tonight then?” He tapped his chin thoughtfully, lips forming into a thin line.

“Enough time for what? What’s happening?” You grabbed his elbow when he began walking away without answering your question.

“What time are you going to be done for the day?” He asked.

“Taehyung,” You warned lowly. “What’s going on? I won’t tell you unless you give me something to work with here.”

“Oh, nothing.” He smiled and removed your grasp from his arm. “I’ll just ask Brian again. I’m sure he’ll be upset if you dodge your schedule.”

“Brian?” You watched as he walked away through the tables while hooking his mask back onto his ears. You wanted to get to the bottom of the situation fast- so you quickly followed him. “You’ve been speaking with him?”

“Of course I have! Isn’t that right, Jay?” Taehyung turned to the man in question.

“Of course, Mr. Kim. You’ve been very in touch with the staff.” Your bodyguard, once he joined you and Taehyung walking together, let a small, smug grin pull at the corners of his mouth. What a traitor. A slight sense of mock-betrayal filled you.

“What?” You asked. “Why?”

“For research purposes.” Taehyung deadpanned, grabbing your hand in the process. “Now come on. Let’s get out of here.”

“I have to go back to my room and get ready for my meetings.” You said quickly. Taehyung only chuckled lowly.

“Alright. Then let’s go!” He tugged you towards the exit. “I’ll take you to your door.”

You had no option but to stumble behind him while you stressfully surveyed the area, careful of onlookers.

~∞~

“YOU ALMOST LOST IT?” Kate’s voice was shrill and slightly distorted as it burst through the speakers of your phone at an ear-splitting volume.

“I’m sorry!” You briskly apologized. “It wasn’t my fault, I swear!”

“I spent weeks- weeks!- planning and making that jacket for you! I-” She bleated weakly before her tone leveled to nonchalance. “Wow. So this is what being chopped liver feels like.”

“Kate! You are not chopped liver, I swear.” You rushed the statement as you sat back in your office chair, glad to have a conversation that wasn’t work-related after a long and grueling day.

Your friend only grumbled in response. “It sure feels like it.”

“Well, you aren’t. I swear on my job.” You said.

“Oh wow. Holy shit. Okay, yeah that means a lot.” She stuttered playfully. “But something tells me you didn’t call me just to tell me you almost lost one of my most prized works of art- which, by the way, is my best seller. So, what is it?”

“I- uh…” You didn’t know how to word it. You had spent the entire work day using security updates and board meetings as a distraction from the open debate in your head, so now that your day was over and you had nothing left to do, the thoughts came back. It’s why you called Kate; you needed a third opinion.

If what Taehyung said about Jungkook was actually true, then maybe you should talk to him so that you could hear his side of the story. The bad bitch part of you told you to fuck off and forget about him, but you couldn’t help the softer and more curious side of yourself that begged to hear him out.

Realizing you had gone silent for a moment too long, you blurted out something random. “I’d like for you to design a hat for me.” A hat? Really? That was the best you could come up with? At least ask for some pants or something.

“Bullshit,” She chuckled in response. “But I’ll take that until you’re ready to tell me what’s actually going on.”

You heard her rustling some paper in preparation to take down design ideas, triggering panic to rise within you. You didn’t want her to put in work for an imaginary hat that you really had no desire of having.

“Hypothetically!” You shouted before she could get into it.

“Okay…” You heard the hesitation in her voice, clearly weirded out by your outburst. “Hypothetically what?”

“Let’s say, hypothetically, that you had an old flame who broke your heart and acted like a dick years ago, but you just recently learned that there were, maybe- I don’t know- some other things going on that made him act that way. Would you want to talk to him about it?”

“Hell no.” Kate laughed. “Just because you’re going through some stuff doesn’t mean you can act like a dick to other people. There’s no excuse for being a shitty person.”

“That’s what I thought.” You replied strongly. In your head, however, the war within you was brewing, weakening your composure.

“You’re not one to usually think about things like this.” Kate added. “What’s going on with you?”

“Just dealing with some stuff from the past. Nothing huge.” You didn’t want to overshare and Kate understood, knowing that she could never ask you to tell her about your past. She would wait until you were the one sharing it with her.

“Just let me know if you want me to come over there. I could definitely use some quality time with a quiet person for once. These idiots are so loud.”

You laughed in response. “I will. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you. We can watch movies or something and eat pizza and drink wine.”

“Oh my. That sounds like the perfect date!” She squealed. Her giddiness was infectious, spreading a soft smile across your lips.

“Won’t Brian get jealous?” You jab at her playfully.

“Not at all. He’ll probably end up attached to his video games anyway.” Kate snorted. “Shit! Speaking of! I need to call him! I’ll talk to you later?”

“Of course. Talk to you later.” You sat up in your chair.

“Bye!” She chirped.

As you sat alone in your office, building lights dark and the lights from the city the only form of illumination in the room through the window, you let your friends’ words rifle through your head.

On one hand, Kate catered to your stone-cold side, encouraging you to forget all about Jungkook and move on. Despite not knowing the situation and understanding all of its facets, her opinion was unbiased.

Taehyung, on the other hand, encouraged you to speak with Jungkook. He was aware of both sides of the story and understood what you and Jungkook- whatever the hell it was- were going through. He supported the side of you that was eager to understand and desperate to love again.

The decision was, ultimately, yours to make. What were you going to do?

The thoughts in your mind weighed heavy on your heart while you prepared to leave. You stood, packed your brief case, and made your way out of your office and onto the sidewalk to hail your driver so that you could go back to your hotel.

You couldn’t worry about it for long, though, because your phone vibrated three separate times as three notifications lit up your screen on your way back. Taehyung texted you.

Kim Taehyung (BTS)

Wear thick socks.

And a coat.

With gloves.

You stared at your phone in confusion, trying to figure out what he was getting at. Just what in the world was this boy planning?

~#~

Sorry this took so long, everyone! Please remember to like/reblog and comment if you want. I’d like to know what you guys think!

Don’t forget to check out the Series Masterlist if you want to read the oneshots that I have published.

[itswritersagethings]

Catra’s Arc Reimagined

Season 1

After Adora leaves, Catra, Lonnie, Kyle, Rogelio form a She-Ra retrieval team under Force Captain Octavia. Octavia hates Catra for scratching out her eye. Catra works to secretly sabotage Octavia’s plans in order to keep Adora from getting hurt and, after Octavia is fired for her incompetence, Catra is made Force Captain in the season 1 finale.

So in season 1: It is not Catra’s idea to kidnap Bow and Glimmer and It was not Catra that lead the invasion into Bright Moon to destroy the Moon Stone. Catra did help Adora escape from the Fright Zone after being captured and has mostly been secretly on Adora’s side for the majority of the season. 

Season 2

Catra is now Force Captain and is put in charge of Lonnie, Kyle, and Rogelio who all hold little respect for Catra as a leader. The only person who seems to like Catra is Entrapta, who has joined the Horde. Catra’s desire to prove herself conflicts with her desire not to hurt Adora. Despite proving herself to be an extremely capable Force Captain, who manages to do extreme damage to the rebellion, Catra is punished for failing to take down She-Ra when given the chance, losing Shadow Weaver, and she is banished to the Crimson Waste in the Season 2 finale.

Season 3

Catra is in the Crimson Waste. In order to survive, she joins Tongue Lasher’s gang where she meets Scorpia. Over the course of the season, Catra slowly works her way up the ranks in Tongue Lasher’s gang while slowly building a close relationship with Scorpia. Eventually, Catra takes over Tongue Lasher’s gang and seems like she could be happy in the Crimson Waste until she captures Adora. After finding out about Shadow Weaver’s betrayal, Catra returns to the Fright Zone with Adora and tries to reclaim her position from Hordak. This leads to Catra having Entrapta sent to Beast Island and pulling the switch on the portal in the season 3 finale.

Season 4

After Adora cuts all ties with Catra, due to her actions with the portal and her partial responsibility for the loss of Glimmer’s mother, Catra is racked with guilt after everything that happened and goes on a rescue mission with Scorpia and Kyle to rescue Entrapta from Beast Island. During the rescue mission, Catra is surprised to find that Kyle is able to resist the signal that catches people in their own fears and insecurities due to his belief in their friendship (Which Catra hadn’t realized they had), this causes Catra to see him in a new light and she’s nicer to him after this. Catra, Scorpia, and Kyle rescue Entrapta and find Meelog (who becomes basically Catra’s therapy animal for the rest of the series) returning both back to the Horde safely. Over the course of the season, Catra works on controlling her temper, forging new relationships with Kyle, Lonnie, and Rogelio, building a stronger relationship with Scorpia, taking care of Meelog, and making amends for her actions in previous seasons. When Catra faces Hordak in the season 4 finale, she is aided by Kyle, Lonnie, Rogelio, and Entrapta who help her defeat him.

Season 5

Catra and Glimmer are Captured by Horde Prime. Catra starts to resort to her usual tactics in an effort to survive, while also secretly trying to figure out a way for her and Glimmer to escape. At first, Glimmer is angry at Catra because of Catra’s partial responsibility in her mom’s death, however Glimmer and Catra slowly bond due to their mutual fear of Horde Prime and their past friendships with Adora. When Catra realizes that Horde Prime is going to kill Glimmer before Adora and Bow will be able to rescue her, Catra manages to get Glimmer to their ship, sacrificing herself to save her. Catra apologizes to Adora before she is captured. Catra is punished by Horde Prime for her actions and subjected to intense brainwashing. After Adora, Entrapta, and Scorpia manage to rescue Catra, Catra joins the rebellion. At first, things are difficult because the others don’t trust her due to her previous actions but Catra works to redeem herself. Over the course of the season, Adora and Catra become friends again but their relationship is healthier due to Catra having other friends, her therapy pet Meelog, and her romance with Scorpia. Despite Shadow Weavers attempts to drive a wedge between them, Catra doesn’t run away and manages to stand up for herself.

Personally, I feel like my ending pairings for the show would be Catra/Scorpia, Glimmer/Adora, and Bow/Perfuma. But if Catradora has to be end-game then after spending time with Catra and Adora, Scorpia realizes that Catra is still in love with Adora (They talked about Adora in the Crimson Waste and Scorpia knew that Adora broke Catra’s heart) They have a peaceful break up and that leaves the door open for the Catradora finale.

I think the finale was fine as is, though I wouldn’t have Catra with Adora, Bow, and Glimmer in the last shot, due to Catra’s involvement in Glimmer’s mom’s death I think their relationship wouldn’t be very close. Glimmer doesn’t hate Catra anymore, because Catra saved her life, but she mostly keeps her distance. Instead Catra would be with her own friend group (Lonnie, Kyle, Rogelio, and Scorpia.) and look over at the best friend trio with a soft smile, showing how far she’s come from that angry girl who scratched Adora in the face as children because Adora wanted to be friends with Lonnie.

[myfandomrambles]

Adora, Catra & Trauma (Pt3)

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 4)

Full Show

An Analysis of the way Catra & Adora are affected by their respective traumatic experiences.

Relationship To Primary Abuser

Catra

Catra bases her identity around Shadow Weaver second only to Adora in power she has over her emotional states. Shadow Weaver abused Catra for essentially her entire life through psychological, emotional, and physical ways. We see her use her magic to immobilize Catra, terrorize her, and physical grab Catra throughout the show.

Starting from a young age she insulted and degraded Catra and said Catra's worth is based on rather Adora wants her. A key quote stated in Promise (1x11 ) 

Shadow Weaver:“You have never been anything more than a nuisance to me! I've kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you, but if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself.” 

 I believe this sets up the main dynamic better than anything.

Catra sees herself as worth nothing to Shadow Weaver, as only existing in relation to Adora and as always under threat. Catra deeply internalized this view of only mattering in how she measures up to Adora but continuously wanted to be more than a nuisance to Shadow Weaver. Catra is constantly pulled when it comes to shadow weaver between wanting love and being afraid, the essence of her disorganised attachment.

Up until Catra gained the right-hand man status to Hordak she was consistently in fear of Shadow Weaver. And afterwards, she didn't stop basing her worth on Shadow Weaver's perceptions.

Starting in season one Shadow Weaver and Catra show a mostly typical older child and abusive parent dynamic. Catra is willing to test boundaries but only so much. In  The Sword pt 2 (1x02 ) she says 

Catra: “Shadow Weaver is freaking out. It'd be funny if she weren't such a terrible person ” 

showing she has accepted and can have humour about the situation. This continues for a while in  The Beacon (1x10)  we see dissonance all at once saying she doesn’t need Shadow Weaver, seeks her approval, and even tries to offer comfort to Shadow Weaver.

In  Light Hope (1x12)  we see the first milestone in this dynamic with Catra overtaking Shadow Weaver in the social hierarchy. However, this doesn’t change the fact that Catra still feels a need to be close to Shadow Weaver and to base her value off of her. She continuously goes to talk to Shadow Weaver to try and prove she’s become better but only ends up with Catra subjecting herself to more of Shadow Weaver’s abuse.

In Signals (2x03) she bases what she should be doing off of what Shadow Weaver would have done. 

Catra “I bet Shadow Weaver didn’t have to deal with any of this"  

After this she goes to Shadow Weaver for the answers. Her stated autonomy isn’t present and we see Catra still seeing Shadow Weaver as the proper adult.

One of the most impactful moments takes place in  Light Spinner (2x06). In this episode, we see Catra deeply needs Shadow Weaver to love her and is protective over her mother. We can see Catra’s fear and unresolved attachment needs from her childhood fighting over how she should act. She has spent this season setting and then breaking her boundaries due to deeply wanting to be loved and respected. Catra is easily manipulated by Shadow Weaver’s semi-kind words and some of the only soft-touch she gets [before reuniting with Adora in season 5].

When Catra confronts Shadow Weaver Catra asks the questions every abused kid wants to ask:

"Why was I treated like that?" and "why was I never good enough?"

Shadow Weaver's response is one that is so common and destructive. "I suffered, so I think that’s what you ought to as well," and “You were never as good as your sibling” or in this case Adora.

Catra rejects some of this explanation and then returns another abused child question: "what could I have done? I was just a kid"

Shadow Weaver mostly brushes this question and Shadow Weaver maintains her power by knowing her child so well. Shadow Weaver hits where it hurts, pointing out that she's being made second best and replaced again. She plays on Catra feeling less than and being so scared of being abandoned to get what she wanted, a way out. This breaks Catra's resolve strongly; we see her spiral through hypervigilance, anxiety and depression.

We see how much this affected Catra when Adora’s explained Shadow Weaver went to the bright moon in Once Upon a Time in the Waste (3x03 ). Catra interprets this as Shadow Weaver abandoning her for Adora triggering a dissociative episode and leading into her suicide/homicide attempt.

The next time we see them together is in  Failsafe (5x11) . Catra’s immediate reaction to her being there is to move into hyperarousal of fight mode and then into flight and freeze. She is afraid and angry still, but she has finally put up more of a barrier, however, her presence still causes Catra to fear the loss of Adora.

Catra is deeply triggered by the touch of Shadow Weaver and it leaves her in a state of heightened flight response. This experience also brings out her older protective instincts we saw in season 1 and late-season 2 due to the way she knows Adora can get hurt like she’s been hurt by Shadow Weaver. Catra overhears what she thinks is Adora giving into Shadow Weaver setting up the next set of actions in  The Heart pt 1&2 (5x12-13) . Causing Catra to leave due to the manipulation she knows she’s experiencing.

When they next meet Catra is fully able to stand up to her stating it was no longer about her, a very strong statement. Even if she is still clearly hurt by the abandonment. Shadow Weaver is willing to help due to complex reasons, wanting to save the world as that’s the “side” she chose, and some degree of responsibility for her daughters even if it's twisted and more about performing and then anything resembling love. Catra is affected by this crying at the loss of her mother. We don’t get to know much about this fallout but it would be as complex as the history of adult children of abusive parents usually are.

Adora

Adora's relationship to Shadow Weaver, her mother and commander, is characterized by manipulation, fear and agitation. Shadow Weaver made her the golden child, the next hero and leader, responsible for others way too early and as an object to be used for power. All of these became the core ideas and schemas that Adora built her life on.

Adora lacked direct physical/magical abuse from Shadow Weaver but experienced a severe psychological and emotional abuse. An example is her being forced to watch and being blamed for the physical/magical abuse of Catra (Promise 1x11) . During their childhood, we see that the abuse worked to internalise the views of shadow weaver which gave Shadow Weaver an intense and continuous force in her life even when not present.

In  The Sword pt1 (1x01)  we see how Shadow Weaver wanted her to be the next force captain and believed her to be the best of the children she raised. We can tell Adora wanted to be the best having internalized these desires. Adora believed what she was taught wholesale on the ideological front as well and losing that belief when seeing the harm of war causes the first rupture in her connection to Shadow Weaver.

In the Shadows of Mystacor (1x07) has a few key moments. One is Adora admitting Shadow Weaver did “mom stuff” which shows Adora understands Shadow Weaver as her primary attachment figure, ie the mother. Another key moment of this episode is Adora rejecting Shadow Weaver’s control for the first time. She verbally states her autonomy, affirms that the pain is not her fault and that Shadow Weaver shouldn’t get to decide her life. Adora physically fights Shadow Weaver off and protects her new life, something that is one of the most powerful moments in their relationship. This is a rejection of not only her abuser but the life she was taught to want. She is choosing a new healthier life. This is solidified in after the confrontation she allows her friends to support her.

In No Princess Left Behind (1x09) Adora is physically assaulted and violated mentally by her mother figure. This is an attempt to try and bring her back under control. Something we know she has been trying to do this whole time, a very visceral moment of how much Shadow Weaver believed she owned Adora. This is a harsh and traumatic event for Adora.

We don’t see them interact together fully until  The Price of Power (3x01).  We see Adora be willing to help Shadow Weaver both due to her ingrained responsibility and she doesn’t want to see her mother figure die. Adora also needs to know what’s going on and Adora is scared to not have some control in the situation. This fear of being out of control brings Adora to interact with her abuser.

Adora is also more confident that she won’t be directly manipulated anymore. She has learned most of Shadow Weaver's tactics and isn’t vulnerable enough for them to work. The conversation they have here shows this personal growth Adora has experienced.

Shadow Weaver: “I knew you were different. You were...”

Adora: “- Special? No, what you always told me was that I didn't matter. I was special only as long as I obeyed you.”

However, the conversations between them also break the precarious hold on some sense of self Adora gained over the past through SHadow Weaver revealing she is a first one. This adds self confusion and distances her from others. This is important because her connection to others is the most powerful grounding tool Adra has learned to have.

Throughout this season Adora is continually agitated and stressed about Shadow Weaver being allowed in her safe space of Bright Moon. In Pulse (4x04) we see Adora be upset about Glimmer having asked for magic help from Shadow Weaver. She is understandably afraid of Shadow Weaver’s power and is scared of losing another friend to the damage Shadow Weaver caused. Shadow Weaver is a walking trigger to her childhood trauma leaving her implicit memories of shadow weaver as a figure of pain, magic as bad and both as a threat to friends on continuously.

In Princess Scorpia (4x06) Shadow Weaver continues to cause problems for Adora even when not there as her Black and White thinking on magic and will to keep shadow weaver from having control feed into the relational struggles Adora and Glimmer are having.

In Mer-Mysteries (4x07) we see Adora and Shadow Weaver interact and Adora is sure that Shadow Weaver is the spy and is in deep pain over the fact she believes she is hurting Glimmer. However, we see them take Shadow Weaver’s advice because even Adora can admit Shadow Weaver is great at manipulating others.

We see their next big moments in Failsafe (5x11) Shadow Weaver is willing to use Adora as a tool again, just like she had done her whole life. Shadow Weaver also works hard to break down any sense of autonomy Adora has and her newly healed connection to Catra, someone who would push back on Shadow Weaver in the most knowing way. These acts are harmful and while Adora tries to push back on Shadow Weaver multiple times the painful truth is that Shadow Weaver still has a power over her. While her attempts to use the comfort/assault patterns fail, Adora does need to try and save Etheria so the internal and external objectification continues.

In  Heart pt 1 (5x12) we see Adora talking with the mirage of Mara. Mara is trying to get Adora to want to stay alive, to have self-worth, to take her own needs into account and to give herself grace. Adora herself is arguing back that she doesn’t have value on her own, she only matters in how she can be useful to others. Adora’s words echo Shadow Weaver of her having to be She-Ra and that she should be willing to die for it. Adora’s carrying this self-harming objectified view within her and it’s so defining of their dynamic.

This story ends in Shadow Weaver’s death, a complicated moment where Adora is clearly devastated by what happens and was almost helped by Shadow Weaver to be able to use the failsafe. The complications show through in her losing her mother, almost dying herself, and in an abuser doing one nice thing. This moment is complicated visually, narratively and relationally and is a good incapsulation of the lack of resolve abusive relationships with adult children can feel.

[A Word on “redemption” of Shadow Weaver

I don't believe shadow weaver is redeemed or a good person for her sacrifice. I think her reasons were complex but I don't believe she has ever had or a healthy love for her "daughters". I don't think we should consider this worthy of having forgiveness for her actions based on one singular action. Once action doesn't outweigh years of abuse and trauma.]

[prince-toffee]

Fun idea I wrote down, copy and pasted of a thread here into the #sweetened toffee tag which is all about positive stuff, and shit I like.

---

Okay, so since we’re on the rewrite train let me hop on for a bit.

This was an idea(s) I had way before season five:

Catra and Hordak get sent off to the frontlines like Hordak was when he first showed symptoms of defection. Horde Prime sees Catra as a defect and failure, because of her rebellious and treacherous characteristics. Also he is full of himself, so any other species is inferior to him, because I theories he was going to be super powerful, a physical threat to She-Ra.

Previously, Catra, Shadow Weaver - villains that hurt Adora emotionally and psychologically. And when I tried to put my finger on what I thought was missing, I realised it was the Superman problem. Yes, Superman can be an emotionally and conceptually a fascinating character to explore, but... also you need to have him punch something. That’s why people watch, or read the media content, especially kids, which are the target demographic. So I thought Prime was going to be really full of himself, because of the might be held, he would’ve been a contender to Adora’s strength.

Maybe like, Adora finds the sword was inside of her all along or whatever and the music sways and is all triumphant and heroic, and new design She-Ra flies at Prime, slices down on him. But then -  the music stops, and Prime catches the sword, and snaps it in half.

But another cool idea I had of She-Ra, instead of getting nerfed, we go off the rails - she can summon as many swords as she wants - it just starts pouring swords down on Prime. (kind of like Jason Aaron’s Unworthy Thor). Metal to the max!

Anyway back to Catra and Hordak so the two land on a war torn planet, on a dropship, in the clone trenches. And see war through the eyes of the clones. Hordak was mindwiped at the end of season four so he has no memory of anything, not Entrapta, not Etheria, nothing, so as a result of that his first memory is of Catra, so the two forge a sibling-like relationship. Catra plays along with amnesiac Hordak because this is Catra at her lowest and is in desperate need of someone to stay with her.

I can definitely imagine a heart breaking scene to parallel that of Scorpia, when Hordak says to Catra: “You’re a good friend.”

They meet countless clones fighting the war, and Catra’s redemption comes from them and from realising what war does to people. All the clones present are defects, some have cursed Prime and only fight to survive, but some still believe that Prime will save them, one of those being Hordak himself. Catra decides, while looking at the hopeless situation with no means of escape from this planet, that in the probability she’ll die here, she might as well try to make up for everything she did.

Carries around and organises rations, buries the fallen, tends to the wounded, through which we meet a cast of unique clone characters (perhaps paralleling the Princesses), and learns to forgive herself, be happy and more positive from the clones - who joke around even in the most dire of situations, and who are all bad people, the clones are all war criminals who committed atrocities across the universe for Prime, but here in the trenches they try to help each other, out weight their bad actions with their good.

I would definitely play with the religious angle here. We see all the sides of belief, some clones who believe in Prime hope they go to the afterlife he promised them, if they do enough good at the frontlines, some want to die so they don’t have to live in a lie created by Prime, and some are on the fence not sure if the afterlife exists, but just in case there is they still work hard.

Eventually she just spills her heart out to Hordak, who just listens to her, he tries to comfort her the same way with Entrapta, stumbling on his words, unsure of what to say.

The two grow close, and Catra is terrified of loosing yet another friend, because when Hordak is out on a perimeter sweep she enters his quarters looking for him and finds the entire walls and floor covered in scratchings of a purple diamond shape. He is beginning to remember.

After a while of attempting to prevent him from thinking about the strange memories and nightmares Catra fails. Hordak snaps at her, and demands her to tell him the truth. Catra had always talked about the blond girl she loved, but left out the mention of Entrapta in every story afraid to set off the Hordak that wanted to incinerate her. So she tells Hordak everything, and he remembers Entrapta and Etheria, but not only that, he recollects all the memories the new him made with Catra at his side, all the good she did for him and his brothers, so he comes back around. Maybe saves her from an incoming rocket, or something. And then at the end of the season when Prime is about to kill him, Catra does one of her famous jump ‘n’ scratch one-shots on Prime to save Hordak to repay him. (Adora can still have the final blow. Maybe Hordak hesitates to kill him, and She-Ra stabs him in the back.)

How they get off the frontline world? Maybe a Horde dropship, like the one that brought Cat and Dak to the world, is shot down. It lands somewhere in no man’s land. The crew travel to it in hopes of repairing it. Maybe some clones sacrifice themselves for the others to make it. Thanks to Hordak’s recovered memory, and his obsession with constantly rereading Entrapta’s notes when she left him, he reconstructs a portal - to use it as an engine. You know, highlighting that Hordak always rises up and builds something from scraps and dirt. (Look I know it sounds kinda cheap, but if Entrapta and Bow can make anything out of anything whenever, then fuck you).

Maybe Hordak even teaches Catra how to solder and stuff, so she makes the final touch on the ship that makes it work. Giving her something to bond over with Entrapta afterward, when they sort out their shit.

And so they take off and go to kick Prime’s ass, perhaps paralleling the Princesses gearing up and going off to kick Prime’s ass, so they converge together on The Velvet Glove.

Look, I’m not saying this as a the better season concept, this is just a fun idea I had in my mind a while back. I don’t know, I think all that would take three episodes, maybe four, then three or four on the Princess side, showing what they’re doing, and they converge on the mid-season finale, and then... Prime woops their asses, and they have to regroup, and then we have six or five episodes left to seal the deal between Adora and Catra, and satisfying the shippers.

You know, now that they have a Horde ship, they can fly under the radar. Maybe they (Princesses+Clones united) have to go to HordeWorld, and destroy the droid command ship to defeat Prime, something to that effect. Horde Prime is an old First One and he has a super mega awesome runestone on HordeWorld, and they destroy it and his power is gone. Something like that.

Anyway, got carried away with that.

[beeftony]

so, continuing from your Katra/Corra comparison, do you think the Catra we saw in the portal!Reality was a version of her that's most similar to Korra?

The thing about Korra is that she’s not really reluctant in her efforts to fulfill what she sees as her role in the world. Her main character flaw was that she held onto a false perception of herself, shaped not only by her own preconceived notions of what she thought the Avatar should do but also by the expectations of everyone around her. This led to severe cognitive dissonance that she was genuinely unable to parse when reality failed to live up to that impossible standard that she had set for herself, which is why she so often had no idea what to do in response to her circumstances. Her character growth was defined by this internal struggle, often positioned as the central conflict at the heart of each season.

For instance, in season one Korra has trouble conceptualizing her role in the world beyond her powerful bending abilities. This not only causes her to neglect the spiritual side of her powers, but also the plight of people who don't have bending to fall back on, and who don't define themselves by it. The finale undercuts her growth in this area somewhat, as it would have honestly been more interesting if Korra went into season 2 with only her airbending, but season 2 didn't get greenlit until season 1 was already airing, and by then the writing process had been over for several months, so I get why they felt the need to wrap things up neatly. Season 2 is about letting go of the past and not defining yourself by what came before. There are many lessons to be learned from the past, but as Korra herself puts it, sometimes you need to forge your own path. In season 3 she grew further and became far more decisive and confident in her decisions as the Avatar, often going against the wishes of those who thought they knew what was best for her.

And season 4... What Zaheer did to her definitely sent her into a backslide in terms of thinking of herself as weak, useless, and failing to live up to her role as the Avatar. She has to go through so many stages of learning to get back to where she was, from Katara's steadfast and patient belief in her to Toph's lessons in tough love, but when she confronts Zaheer, she's finally able to let go of that false perception of herself--in other words, let go of her earthly tether--and finally become the Avatar she was always meant to be. One who doesn't define herself by those who came before her, or by her own impossible expectations of what she thinks she's supposed to do, but someone who is finally in tune with herself and what she wants. And that's why she's the perfect one to get through to Kuvira in the end. A lot of people lashed back against her line about how she "had to" go through all that pain in order to understand people better, but I think the heart of that sentiment is that she had to understand and achieve balance within herself before she could truly understand and bring balance to others.

Now let's compare her to Catra. Catra has a similar problem with holding onto a false perception of herself. As Double Trouble pointed out, she's committed to playing the role of the big, bad villain, but her heart's never really been in it. She does this to compensate for the abuse she's been forced to put up with for her entire life, and to cope with losing Adora, believing that if she couldn't make Adora respect her as an equal, she could become a worthy adversary and even surpass her. But it's all built on glass, and that illusion shatters out from underneath her on several occasions.

What's really tragic is that Catra is so full of love--deep, unconditional, self-sacrificing love--but has been placed in an environment where expressing that love is discouraged and seen as weakness. Even so, she routinely takes the fall for others, mostly Adora, even when throwing them under the bus would seem to be the better option in terms of survival and avoiding retribution. But Catra has been so conditioned in her status as a whipping-girl that she doesn't hesitate or even consciously think about it. The reason her betrayal of Entrapta hits so fucking hard is because it's the one time she doesn't follow this pattern, and actively screws someone over to get what she wants. But the guilt hits her so hard that she has nightmares about it, and Scorpia leaving causes her to further unravel.

So what does she do? She doubles down, and dives deeper into the persona she's cultivated to deal with her feelings of anger, perceived inferiority, and cognitive dissonance, to hide it all behind a mask modeled on the very people who forced her to develop this coping mechanism to begin with. She tries to be as ruthless as Shadow Weaver, but can't help covering for Scorpia even though she could have blamed her for "losing" the recordings. She tries to be as methodical and plotting as Hordak, but her house of cards comes crashing down around her because she steadily pushes away everyone in her life only to realize that her connections with them were what made her whole, and now she's fractured so completely that by the time Glimmer finds her she asks her to just end it.

But for that brief time in the false portal reality, when she and Adora were together again and everything was "perfect," she seemed happy. But that too was based on a false perception of herself. When Adora asks her, "Is that what you really want? To rule the world?" She responds: "I mean yeah, obviously. Isn't that what you want too?" She's still defining her own desires by what she thinks others want to hear, and what she's convinced herself is her destiny. That, I'm sure you've noticed, is the exact same problem that plagued Korra for so much of her character arc.

The most obvious difference between these characters, aside from their upbringing, circumstances, and access to a support network of friends and loved ones, is that we know how Korra's story ends, and we know that she achieved true balance and fulfillment. Catra isn't there yet. But I'm sure she'll get there in the end.

[julesby10]

all you have is your fire

A/N: A glimmadora fanfic post S3 because I’m still crying my eyes out, my dudes (AO3 LINK)

Rating: G

Warnings: Major Character Death (mentioned)

Summary: “Take care of each other.”

Adora hopes they can.

Tags: Angst, Heavy Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Feels, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Post Season 3

---

It starts to be real when she sees Glimmer again in Hordak’s lab, it sinks in when they’re finally back in Brightmoon under the runestone.

Smiles, laughter, the relief of victory is somehow muffled, and for a second She-Ra has no idea why.

“I guess I should go find my mom.”

Glimmer.

She’s talking about being grounded, but she sounds happy, happy Etheria is still all there in one piece with everyone safe.

She-Ra stops, her heart sinking to the bottom of her stomach. How is she supposed to tell her what happened in the space between realities? How is she supposed to tell her that her mother won’t be there to welcome her back?

She-Ra turns around bracing for explanations, but she knows she will never be really ready.

“Adora, what is it?”

And there she goes, worrying for others before herself. Glimmer, always positive and always supportive, selfless even in the direst of situations. At times, Adora wishes she wasn’t.

One step, two, She-Ra’s legs are too long and don’t give Adora the time to think about what to say, how to face Glimmer’s slightly furrowed brow, how to give answers to the pressing questions in her clear lilac eyes.

In this form, when she’s She-Ra, Glimmer looks so much smaller, especially this up close. But her gaze is there, strong and unwavering, unrelenting, looking up in She-Ra’s bright blue irises.

In a flash of gold, Adora transforms back to her plain self. Right now, She-Ra is of no use, she has fulfilled her task as the saviour of Etheria. Adora believes that she really didn’t.

Today's hero is someone else.

Even as herself, Adora still has to bend down slightly to properly hug Glimmer. She loops her arms around her shoulders, tight enough to know they're both real.

Adora feels her eyes fill with tears, ready to spill again as the dam she'd built breaks down in a million pieces. She's tried to dry her eyes and it didn't work, she'll try again and it won't work.

Her voice is strained as she gathers the courage needed to talk. The words claw up her throat, raw and fragile, glass shards digging into her flesh.

One of her hands slides gently to Glimmer’s head, pressing her further in the crook of her neck, as if she could protect her just with that simple gesture.

“Angella, she stayed behind, she-”

Adora doesn’t know if she wants to go on, if she even can , maybe if she just stays silent it will all turn out to be just another nightmare, one they can all wake up from.

A shiver runs through Glimmer’s body as the realisation hits her full force. She gasps and reciprocates Adora’s hold, maybe in understanding, most likely looking for comfort. She holds her friend tight enough to hurt, tight enough to not let herself slip away.

“She stayed behind. She saved us.”

It’s when the hug breaks, when Glimmer pushes back to look Adora in the eyes, that her tears start to spill copiously down her full cheeks.

Adora is tempted to try and dry them, cradle Glimmer’s face in her hands, but she knows nothing can stop the faucet running. Not now, at least. So she puts her hands on Glimmer’s small shoulders and gently presses their foreheads together.

It’s a measly way of passing on a goodbye gift.

Glimmer’s eyes close and soon Adora’s do too. She wonders how much of Angella they see in each other, how much it hurts to know she won’t be there anymore. Brightmoon is a queenless kingdom, and the princess is a motherless child.

Frosta, sweet child, is the first one to come up to them both, the others come soon enough. Bow and his glossy eyes, Perfuma and her empathy, Mermista and her silence that speaks louder than any words.

Time seems to come to a halt. Adora has long since realised she's not alone, the friends around them only reinforce that belief. But now she has to be there for the person who cared for her when she couldn't do it herself.

"Glimmer?"

"Right here, Adora."

Hasty steps break the spell, five guards greet them back together with a very worried Castaspella, who's only relieved in seeing them back all in one piece. Her expression darkens when she notices Adora's gaze, bloodshot cerulean staring back with a thousand apologies. She looks at Glimmer, desperately clinging to the red of Adora’s jacket and failing to hide her sobs. She tries to ask, but Adora shakes her head before she can get any sound out. Two things Castaspella understands: that something bigger than any of these kids has happened and that the glaring absence of Angella is far more than preoccupying.

“Guards.”

The voice is, unexpectedly, Adora’s. Hoarse and pained, it reminds Castaspella of something older than the world.

“Take her away, please.”

She’s referring to Shadow Weaver who has not yet said a word, although it’s unusual for her to not be taunting and venomous in her remarks. She has no place with them, she never has and she never will, but now more than ever.

The guards exchange a doubtful glance, only to look at Castaspella for any confirmation. She sighs and nods, wholeheartedly agreeing with Adora’s choice.

Silence permeates the air, as three pairs of footsteps echo down the hallways to the makeshift holding cell.

Adora’s decision is probably a rushed one, but she doesn’t care. Carefully, one of her arms slips under Glimmer’s knees and she picks her up without a word. She’s still breathlessly sobbing in the crook of her neck and Adora really has stopped trying to hold back her own tears.

She comes to a halt in front of Castaspella and the remaining guards, wanting to kneel under the weight of the words she has to utter a second time. She can’t find her voice in the desert that is her mouth, every syllable a handful of sand, so she whispers.

“The queen… she sacrificed herself to save Etheria. I am so sorry.”

Castaspella understands now.

The adults then find themselves face to face with the most unexpected worst possibility, in front of a little girl, who’s barely trying to hold back sobs, voice trembling as she explains that the queen won't be back.

Castaspella bites her tongue. Everyone has the right to grieve their own way, but there are some luxuries they cannot afford now. She decides that she will be there for her brother’s kingdom, for her niece’s kingdom, because Brightmoon needs a reagent and Glimmer, right now, is anything but.

She nods, placing a gentle hand on Adora’s shoulder. “Go.”

They are all so young, these children, they don’t deserve any of what has happened to them, of what they had to witness.

Adora only now looks at her and she is immediately ridden with guilt, shame, grief. She couldn’t be the hero this time, she was the one who was supposed to be gone, and yet.

She moves, one step mechanically placed after the other. She hears an invitation to stay in the castle, if they need, if they want. No celebration will be held tonight, but the palace is still a safe place to be. She knows Bow will be around, she’s not sure about the others.

By the time her feet have brought her in front of the princess’ quarters, Glimmer has stopped convulsing in her arms but still has to raise her head or let go of Adora’s neck.

Adora sighs, aware of her own wet cheeks and closed throat, before pushing the door open with her back. Setting foot in this room again brings them back to an easier time, to when life almost looked normal, if you could ignore the war out of the window for a moment.

Slowly, Adora moves towards the cushioned windowsill to lay Glimmer between the many pillows. She’s always wondered what was the need for so many of them, now she might understand.

She bends down slightly, but Glimmer’s grip is still strong, it screams don’t let go and please help. Adora doesn’t know if she has the strength to let go.

“Adora.”

“Right here, Glimmer.”

“Stay?”

It’s only a whisper, but it’s so hesitant, vulnerable that Adora feels the tears start up all over again. It’s worded like a question but reads like a plea. She moves one of her hands to stroke the short mane of pink hair.

I’m here Glimmer, she says, I won’t go.

Glimmer’s only answer is a sob that sounds like all her ribs and her heart broke at once and hurts like it. She lets go of Adora’s strong shoulders with shaking arms and watches her move around, incapable of helping, acting, paralyzed. She feels gentle fingertips unhook her cape, the fabric sliding under her to be put away. Then Adora kneels and takes off her boots, placing them together somewhere near. The gloves are the last thing to go.

Glimmer sees how Adora’s eyes immediately go to the mark left by Shadow Weaver’s magic on her wrist. It hurts, it burns, but not as much as the gaping hole in her heart, a chasm that swallows light and everything it touches, so she shakes her head when Adora silently asks, mouth set and tear streaks running down her cheeks.

Adora then gets rid of her own boots and jacket, almost hastily and without nearly as much of the gentleness she’s used with her, before climbing into Glimmer’s space and looking at her with glassy blue eyes.

She’s tired, she’s scared, Glimmer can see that, but she’s also there. Alive, breathing and mostly unscathed, strong as she’s always been. Glimmer has no idea what she’d be doing if those bright irises weren’t staring right into hers, if Adora hadn’t come back. Somehow, Glimmer knows she’d love Adora in any other life, in any other universe, in any instance of the two of them ever meeting each other.

Glimmer reaches for Adora’s face, rests the palm of her hand on her cheek and dries a tear with her thumb. Sometimes she forgets what it’s like to touch her skin without the gloves.

She has no idea when her own tears start up again.

Her heart was burned to ashes the moment truth dawned on her, she’s sure, but she feels it beating in her throat, in her fingertips, behind her eyes, eating away at something that simply is no more. It aches and pushes, and Glimmer chokes on it as she tries to breathe but can’t.

Then Adora tugs her closer, buries one hand in Glimmer’s hair and gathers her in her arms, hoping to hold her together when she doesn’t seem to know how anymore.

There’s a violence to her sadness, her grief grips both of them like barbed wire, her sobs tear her apart with clawed hands. Her mourning is a war, brutal and bloody.

In some twisted way, Adora still thinks she’s beautiful, the same force of nature that swept her away when they first met on opposite sides of a war. She’s still beautiful with exhaustion lining her mouth and floods behind eyes of periwinkle, earthquakes behind her ribcage.

And Adora, Adora feels empty. She shouldn’t be here, holding Glimmer as she does, and yet this feels right in all the wrong ways.

Glimmer’s gasps ring hollow against Adora’s chest, her hands almost tearing the fabric of her shirt in a desperate attempt to find something to ground her.

There’s guilt in the pit of her stomach, it seeps into her veins and corrodes her skin like acid. She feels responsible because she’s She-Ra, the saviour, the hero, the champion of Etheria, but she was unable to stop the Queen. She finds no other to place the blame on but herself.

“Let's be honest, all of this is your fault.”

Catra’s words echo in her ears, grating and deafening as if she were whispering them from right beside her, voice metallic and broken just as she had been in between realities. Adora had convinced herself that, no, this wasn’t her fault, Catra had been the one to pull the lever.

She looks at Glimmer, curled up as close to her as she can, so small and looking every bit like the child she is.

Her princess, her queen.

She can almost feel the weight of the golden crown Glimmer will have to wear, the heaviness of the wings on her back. Adora silently brushes trembling fingertips between Glimmer’s shoulder blades.

Her vision blurs, tears welling in her eyes.

“I love you,” she says. “I love you,” again and again like it’s the only thing she’s ever learned to say.

Because an apology will never be enough. Not to Glimmer, not to her.

At that Glimmer presses herself further into the embrace, as her wails echo against the stained glass of the window.

“Take care of each other.”

Adora hopes they can.

[sowk-fic-archive]

SOWK ch.20/35

Summary:

Neither Matthew nor Dominic will have a peaceful night...

(notes from blog owner at end)

Chapter 20 : sans-abri

Dominic scowled into his bowl of stew, turning the lumps of overcooked meat slowly with his spoon. His demeanour changed as soon as Annie sat down opposite him, pretending instead to happily chomp down his dinner.

It had been dark by the time he had left the Bellamy mansion, Dominic helping Matthew (‘helping’ used in the loosest sense of the word) change the sheets on the two double beds he had slept in, plus preparing an evening snack that they ate in an awkward silence. The stew in the chipped bowl before him was a far cry from the food overflowing from the fridge in Matthew’s spotless kitchen, going unused because the Voix in question had absolutely no cooking skills.

“Dominic, stop scowling. If the wind changes direction, your face’ll be stuck like that and then I won’t be given any grandchildren,” Annie said with a tone only a mother’s love could supply. Nancy noisily dropped her spoon back into her bowl.

“I’m going to ignore the blatant neglect of considering me, here,” Nancy said with a pout in her most annoying tone of voice, “but Nicky here probably won’t be gifting you with grandchildren anyway.”

Dominic glared at his sister, concealing his worry about where the conversation was going with a creased brow and stormy eyes.

“Why?” Annie asked, looking between them both with a smirk on her lips. Dominic continued eating his stew reluctantly. “Due to infertility from you kicking him in the balls too much as a child?”

Neither sibling laughed, too concerned with staring each other out. Nancy could ruin everything with a few simple words.

“No, mum,” Nancy said carefully, watching Dominic’s reaction. “It’s because he plays for the other team.”

Dominic remained still, the only thing moving being his eyes to watch his mother’s expression morph. He sent a silent prayer to whoever was listening that his mother didn’t read too deeply into Nancy’s flagrant truth.

“Dom,” she breathed, eyes finding a patch of damp on the opposite wall and staying glued to it. “But... Rory? What happened?”

Dominic breathed in deeply, the other two occupants of the table waiting for his answer; one determined to see him squirm and the other completely unreadable. He exhaled. “I... er... something changed. Someone brought out the best in me.”

“Why don’t you tell her who it is, Nicky?”

“Why don’t you just shut the fuck up, Nancy!” Dominic snapped, standing up from the table and hearing his chair clatter to the floor. “I’m sick of you meddling in my affairs!”

“Dominic, I will not tolerate that language in my house! If your father was here...”

Annie paused, and in his angered, exhausted state Dominic took advantage of the momentary silence. “He’d do what, hey? What exactly would dad do? Hell, he’d probably pat me on the back for defending what I believe in. What I love.” He watched Nancy’s eyes widen in shock as she realised the weight behind his confession.

When he looked back to his mother, she was crying. “Annie...” he said quietly, unable to call her by a more affectionate term. He reached for her arm but she bristled at his touch.

“Get out of my house,” she said quietly, “and don’t you dare come back until you’re truly sorry for what you’ve done, for destroying us like this.” She raised her head, finally meeting his eyes. “You’re gay? Fine, okay, I can deal with that. You’re in love? Excellent, brilliant, I’m happy for you. But just because your father’s gone, it doesn’t mean that you can start acting like this. Nancy’s been talking to me, you know...”

Dominic grit his teeth: Nancy must’ve told him about their arguments, and possibly even the time he almost killed a Voix with his bare hands.

“But you are not to set foot in this house until you think about the shame you’re bringing upon this family,” she said firmly. “Go... go pack a bag or something. Get out of my sight.”

Dominic swallowed, nodding shakily. “Fine,” he said, walking towards the front door, not even bothering to pack a bag. “But if you think this is shameful... then God help us all.” He shrugged on his jacket and stepped out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

Annie sighed, slumping down into her seat and shaking with sobs. “Mum...” Nancy started, but her comforting hand was shaken away.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you either, Nancy, so don’t you dare act like this isn’t any of your fault. Go upstairs and think about what you’ve done.”

Nancy huffed, striding from the room and stomping up the stairs. Annie heard the bedroom door slam shut. “Oh Fleck,” she whispered, “what are our children becoming?”

*

Knock knock.

“Scrap.”

Knock knock knock.

“Scrap!”

Bang. Bang.

“Scrap if you don’t open up, I swear--”

“You swear what?” his best friend said as he opened the door, rubbing at one of his eyes. “Could you keep the noise down? My little sis is asleep,” he said. “Woah, Dom, what happened?”

“I... my mum kicked me out. Just for the night,” he rushed to say when Scrap’s jaw dropped. “I just need a place to crash, just for tonight because I’m too tired to fight off anyone down on the park benches. Please?”

Scrap nodded, biting his lip. “Sure, man. My mam’s got the flu so don’t wind her up, but you’re free to stay on the sofa.”

“Thanks, Scrap,” Dom smiled. “And your mam loves me, I seem to recall.”

“That better not be a sexual joke,” his burly friend warned.

“Jesus, Scrap, no! That’s gross for your thoughts to go there in the first place. Ew, no offence,” Dom laughed. For the first time that afternoon, things felt a little brighter.

*

Matthew had fallen into the kind of sleep that came only when the events of the day finally began to shrink away from him. That evening, he had done little other than lie with his eyes open, staring at the ceiling and thinking. He had been tired - more than tired, in fact - but for some reason his mind had betrayed him, supplying him with equal feelings of guilt and pleasure. Guilt because of Adora. Pleasure because of Dominic.

He turned onto his side, breaths soft and calm as his hand unconsciously gripped tightly onto the edge of his pillow. He was dreaming. A quiet huff escaped from between his lips as he rolled onto his back again, eyelids fluttering. The peace with which he had slept before was now a memory, as he tossed fitfully in the bed, noises of discomfort and panic filling the room. “It’s not my fault,” he mumbled, hands fisting in the bed sheets. “Please, father, please, it’s not my fault!”

He jerked violently and lay still, his chest rising and falling calmly once more. The curtains fluttered in a gentle breeze, which wound into the room through the open window; the moon hung bright and sharp in the sky, bathing the room in a silver-white glow. He seemed paler and entirely more beautiful than usual, strands of hair illuminated by ethereal light.

Both the mansion and the land surrounding it were silent, but for the quiet rustle of trees in the wind and the wash of the waves over the sand. The town of St. Pierre was silent too, as if holding its breath. The air was still and calm, the stars twinkling overhead. Only they knew what was to come that night, and how it would change every second that followed. But, for now, there was silence, and Matthew was asleep.

That silence, that absolute, pristine silence, was gone within the blink of an eye. A lone figure was walking up the path to the manor by the sea, while Matthew slept soundlessly within. Dressed entirely in black, the Voix was a blemish upon the silence, whistling loudly as he walked.

He passed through the main doors as if he had been given a key, still whistling as he ascended the stairs. His footsteps were loud and echoing, but still Matthew slept, unaware and innocent. The man in black turned once on the correct floor, following directions he had memorised. Still whistling, he stopped in front of a door and pushed it open, only to see an empty room. White chiffon drapes blew out suddenly in a gust of wind, but there was no sleeping figure in the bed he had been told would hold a future Unique.

Pursing his lips, he closed the door and turned, humming the same tune softly under his breath before heading to the only other room on the floor. Suddenly he fell quiet, the tune he had been whistling all but forgotten as he pressed an ear to the door and listened hard. Yes, there were breaths coming from that room. Soft and quiet, barely able to be heard, but breaths nonetheless. A smile making its way to the man’s lips, he began to whistle again, opening the door.

The man in black stood on the thick pile carpet and surveyed the sleeping figure. Matthew was curled tightly into a ball, facing the door. His forehead creased as he felt the stare of the man, even through his dreams, and with bleary movements, he awoke.

Matthew had barely enough time to register the man sitting on the edge of his bed with a syringe in his hand. Confused beyond belief, he sat up, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “Who--?”

“This isn’t the end,” the man said softly. He reached out for Matthew’s arm, sliding the needle into the pale flesh before the Voix could make any movements to retaliate. Matthew gasped suddenly, eyes rolling into the back of his head as he fell back onto his pillows. “It’s only the beginning.”

Blog owner’s notes:

According to the original posting of this fic, the song the man was whistling was Kill Bill: Vol. 1 - Twisted Nerve

Link: (x)

[fire-dwelling]

Fire Force, Chapter 82: “The Preacher’s Divine Protection”

Translated from Japanese to Spanish to English

Page 2

The image is of a person imitating Albert Einstein’s photograph with his tongue sticking out. The captions says “Theory of Relativity” and “Sink into the flames ?! I, the monster of the tongue for this world!”

Narration: “The Eighth is separated in the middle of the Nether. Shinra disappears in front of Sho, who can stop time. Will he awaken a new power?!”

Page 3

In the Hoods’ column-filled room in the Nether, Sho stands alone, looking around to see where Shinra has disappeared.

Sho: “He disappeared? That's impossible. … Where has he gone? Where is Shinra Kusakabe?”

Page 4

Elsewhere, Akitaru questions Giovanni.

Akitaru: “What is the Adora Burst?!”

Giovanni: “At this point, Shinra Kusakabe's Adora Burst must be strengthening with his link to leader Shou.”

Akitaru: “Link? Are you saying that he’s bound to something?”

Giovanni: “The Adora Burst originates from a flame that is not of this world...In addition to the leader's link, it is in another world that has the Original Flame. You who know nothing, you call that place from ancient times, Hell. The Adora Burst is a special flame that can interfere with everything with its heat...It increases the power of those with flame abilities and acts like a spark to cause human combustion, which astonishes the human race.”

Page 5

Akitaru is not convinced.

Akitaru: “Hell? That's absurd. Does it really exist?”

Giovanni: “It's not just Hell. It's another world called Adora.”

Akitaru: “What’s your goal?”

Giovanni: “My duty is to have Shinra Kusakabe and Sho come into contact. If they are connected as they [the Preacher] wants, I do not need to buy more time. Everything is just as the Preacher wants.”

Akitaru: “You say that the human combustion is caused by the flames from this Adora world, right? So, what’s up with the insect? Why do you place the spark of combustion into insects?”

Giovanni: “The relationship between flames and insects...? Kukukkuku...Well…”

Giovanni’s cape blows back, revealing the talking gigantic version of his mask emerging from his torso.

Giovanni’s belly face: “I’m not telling you!”

Page 6

Akitaru is annoyed, while Giovanni’s stomach face recedes.

Giovanni: “Just kidding. They always say that insects contradict theories of evolution, right? Where do insects come from? There are even theories of researchers saying that they came from outer space. But no one knows where this outbreak began...And if they came from Adora? Insects fly into the flames...What if they’re looking to return to their maternal flames?”

Akitaru is silent.

Page 7

From the tunnel’s darkness, someone is calling out--

Maki: “Commander! Captain Hinawa!”

Akitaru is surprised.

Akitaru: “!!! Is that Maki?”

Giovanni: “Looks like your subordinates have returned...Fortuitous for me, no?”

Vulcan is beside Akitaru, holding Lisa in his arms.

Vulcan: “Damn you! You think you’re escaping?!”

Giovanni: “I’ll leave Lisa behind, but I’ll be taking the brainwashing with me.”

Lisa: (coughing) “Wait...Don’t leave me…”

Vulcan: “Lisa…”

Giovanni: “Brainwashing...Religion...Beliefs...They are ways to curse people.”

Page 8

Giovanni fades into the shadows.

Giovanni: “Bye.”

Akitaru calls out to him.

Akitaru: “Wait!”

In the shadows, Giovanni thinks.

Giovanni: “My work is over...The Eighth has finally arrived at the entrance...There are people from other brigades who have already arrived here...I will open this door.”

Maki, Tamaki, and Iris run to Akitaru.

Maki: “Commander! Are you okay?!”

Akitaru: “Are any of you injured?”

Maki: “No. Are you alright? You look pale…”

Akitaru: “Yes, everything’s fine. Let's find the others.”

Akitaru: (thinking: “Human combustion is because of some fire from Hell? What the hell is going on with this world?!”)

Page 9

Meanwhile, Sho is still alone.

Sho: (thinking: “Has time returned to its normal speed? No. It's dangerous to go back without being sure where he is...But...have I reached my limit?

Flames emerge off of Sho’s head, then spreading down his back.

Page 10

The flames explode behind Sho--but he did not cause them.

Sho: “!!! What was that?”

The smoke clears, revealing Shinra, collapsed against the wall.

Shinra: “Ah...Ah...I think I went too fast.”

Page 11

Sho stands as Shinra gets up.

Shinra: “I took too long.”

Sho: “When did you...How did you suddenly appear there?”

Victor watches from the entrance to this room.

Victor: “What? It wasn’t Leader Sho who did that?”

Shinra: “Am I approaching your speed? We’re not done playing Tag yet--I'm going to get you!”

Page 12

Sho grimaces, as what looks like a blast comes from his head.

Sho: “Ugh…”

Suddenly, Sho remembers a time from his infancy, 12 years ago, when he was an infant in his crib, looking up at his older brother.

Younger Shinra: “Sho! What are we going to play today?”

In the present…

Sho: “Did this image come from the Adora Link?”

Sho remembers when someone, likely the Preacher, stood behind him.

Sho: “It looks like we’re connected. My power manifests because of the divine protection of the Preacher. If you have crossed my link, then have you received their divine protection, too?”

Shinra: “We have the same Adora Burst, right? If we’re under the same conditions, then it’s possible to reach you!”

Page 13

Sho: “Did you disappear for a short time?”

Shinra: “I don’t know. I just wanted to get faster.”

Victor watches, struggling to understand what he has witnessed.

Victor: “From what Sho said, Shinra disappeared even when time stopped...Then his speed let him disappear? If a body exceeds a certain speed, it disintegrates because it can not withstand the impact. And at too high a speed, the body can disintegrate even to the level of invisible particles. But no. How can a human who disintegrates then return to normal?”

Page 14

Victor starts scratching his head.

Victor: “But Sho is also doing something impossible by freezing time. Theoretically, if his power can interfere with everything, then he can even make a body disintegrate and return to normal...Can this Preacher make that possible?!”

Meanwhile, Shinra and Sho prepare to battle again.

Shinra: “Here we go.”

Shinra: (thinking: “Before he [Sho] can expand my universe…”

Page 15

Before Sho can use his ability, a blast erupts around him. He turns to see Shinra is already behind him, crouched.

Sho: “...”

Shinra smiles nervously, bleeding from the forehead.

Shinra: “I still can’t get it right.”

Page 16

Victor: “No reaction...Is he actually becoming particles? Could it be that Shinra was moving at a speed that surpassed the speed of light? A body that moves at a speed above the speed of light would be able to travel in time...Are you able to move at a super high speed after disintegrating, then return to your normal body before it was disintegrated? But moving at that speed would create a blackhole!”

Victor crouches and starts to smile.

Victor: “If so, he could gobble up all of the Nether and the whole country...Should I tell him? Since Shinra-kun has not realized that...No...I’ve discovered it. I'm going to become a famous scientist!”

Page 17

While Victor plans to capitalize on Shinra’s ability, he is facing Sho.

Shinra: “I'm about ready! If you don’t move, I'm going to end up becoming a demon.”

Sho: (thinking: “I’ll stop time before he moves.”)

As Victor talks, his speech slows down.

Victor: “A body moving at a speed of light feels like time is standing still. Shinra-kun managed to move at the speed of light because of the Adora Link...So...that means…”

Sho has initiated his time-slowing ability, Separate Universe.

Page 18

Shinra and Sho look like they are frozen in time, as the latter’s Separate Universe power has the feathery flames descending.

Sho: (thinking: “I won’t have problems if I stop it sooner.”)

Sho pulls back his blade, ready to strike.

Sho: (thinking: “I was a little scared that you [Shinra] were able to forge an Adora Link with me. But I do not have to worry.”)

As Sho moves, he seems surprised.

Sho: (thinking: “I have killed time.”)

Page 19

Shinra is smiling. His body is disintegrating--and then his fingers move, clenching into a fist. Sho is surprised.

Page 20

Shinra is already in front of Sho--and punches him.

Time returns to normal as Vulcan finishes his thought.

Vulcan: “--he’s already hit you.”

Narration: “Has the Adora Burst awakened?! Shinra's new ability lets him fire a kick that finally reaches Sho! To be continued in Chapter 83: ‘Fourth Generation!’”

[sowk-fic-archive]

SOWK ch.23/35

Summary:

"Follow me to your destiny..."

Chapter 23 : sauveur

Six thousand, seven hundred and eighty tiles. That was the number of visible tiles in his room, at least. There were some his eyes couldn’t quite distinguish, high up near the atrium. The table (doomed to uselessness by Matthew within the first week as he had little need for it - he ate his meals with the plate in his lap, on his bed) was fixed in place, which also obscured more tiles from view. Three hundred and twenty two droplets. One evening, when studying the constellations through the keyhole which was the atrium became tedious, Matthew purposefully let the tap drip after his bathing ritual. He set it to a painfully slow rate, counting the tiny splashes for almost four hours before sleep finally took him. Matthew had begun questioning the meaning of all this pomp and circumstance. He was sure that they were simply trying to drive him mad; that this was a painful death for those Voix who weren’t good enough, and the real Uniques were being crowned as he poured scalding hot water over himself. But then Matthew remembered the mess that was Dominic and Adora, and he decided that he might prefer insanity after all. Regardless, the days and nights continued to drag by in the endless cycle of time.

*

Dom was beginning to think that the Résistance was all a bit of a joke, and the saddest thing about it was that this realisation had disheartened him. Ever since hearing about this underground group of glouglous that were working against the Voix, he had been lifted from his despair. But now, having met the ringleader of the group, he was disappointed to know that his kind had not a shred of hope for the future. Sighing bitterly, he shook his head. He didn’t even know what his future would look like, with the offering in his hands and the wastelands of Sector Eleven sprawling before him. Within the next hour, he could be welcomed with open arms or forced back into his harsh reality of wanting something he’ll never have. He had to take a risk; he had to take a chance. It’s exactly what Dom had done to even secure the offering. He could’ve chosen a petty trinket but his heart had beaten faster and a grin had crept onto his face when he realised what the perfect offering was. Although, the satisfaction of securing it had been almost too easy. Agostino and Calliope had been spending more and more time at their summer house, something proclaimed daily in Le Monde, and so the Bellamy mansion was empty, save for the household staff. Under the guise of collecting more staff paper, Dom had walked into his office under the scrutiny of another glouglou before turning on his heel and bolting upstairs. Matthew’s room was clean and cold, even though it was blisteringly hot outside. The offering had been sitting on his bedside table, lacking only a large sign saying TAKE ME because it was that simple. For a moment, Dom had wondered if it was some intricate, twisted set up for his sins. Now, as he waited at the entrance to the tunnel with the offering hidden in one of Matthew’s silk pillowcases, his body thrummed with anticipation. “Who goes there?” a voice, familiar to Dominic as Robin’s, barked out in the darkness. “It’s me, Dom,” he called, raising a hand in a wave. “Hello again.” There was a swish of fabric rustling against the floor. Dom rolled his eyes, eyes trying to seek out the man with only the light of the moon to help him. “Oh,” Robin sounded disappointed as he revealed himself with a dramatic pirouette. He sprung towards Dom with great leaps, landing with an unpleasant squelch in a puddle before Dominic’s feet. They both looked down. “Those were new shoes,” Robin said quietly. “Sorry about that.” “You should be!” the glouglou barked suddenly, pointing a quivering finger. “Why have you come here, fool?” “I got the... uh... the artefact thing you were going on about.” He shook the pillowcase helpfully. “Right in here. It was really difficult to get it,” he added with a nod and puppy dog eyes. “You may tell us your story momentarily, boy! For now, you must follow me...” he paused, apparently for dramatic effect, “to your destiny!” Dominic pursed his lips. “Sounds good,” he said, and they traipsed off together back into the tunnel. “Listen,” he said suddenly, his voice echoing, “this isn’t going to be a really long journey or anything, is it? Because I kind of need the toilet.” “We have a bucket you can use,” Robin said impatiently, dismissing the query with a wave of his hand. The rest of the journey through the tunnel passed in silence. Eventually they emerged into the open area designated as a chamber of sorts, and Robin threw his hands into the air, turning in a slow circle. “This...” he declared majestically, “is our home. Treat it well, and we will treat you in the same fashion.” “That’s very kind of you,” Dom said, shifting from one foot to the other as he felt several pairs of eyes on him. There must have been at least thirty other people in the room, all staring at him like he’d just grown another head. They looked grubby and tired and sad, but there was something in their eyes that looked stronger than most of the glouglous he saw elsewhere. He gave a woman a timid smile. She smiled back. “Now, child! What is it you wish from me?” Robin yelled. “Robin.” The woman Dom smiled at called over to him, shaking her head. “Robin, he’s already done all that. It’s the artefact you want off him now, petal.” “Oh. Of course.” Robin swished his cape impressively, swooping his red hair back from his eyes. “The artefact, boy!” he said, holding out his hand. Dominic looked between Robin and the pillowcase, holding his breath as he rummaged around in his makeshift bag. Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime of heart palpitations and sweaty palms, he produced his offering and held it out to the redhead. “What is this?” Robin shrieked, whipping the item from Dom’s hands as the echoes crashed around the room. “A photo album,” Dom said slowly, chewing on his bottom lip. “Well, yes, I can see that,” Robin said impatiently, rolling his eyes. “But...” he opened it slowly, and his words fell away from him. “My God. My God...” he whispered. “How did you get this?!” Dominic grinned. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see people edging towards Robin, to get a better look. “It’s a long story,” he said with a shrug. Robin’s head snapped up to look at him, his mutilated face desperate. “You have to tell me, boy. Tell me how you got this.” Dom sighed, arms folded across his chest. “I don’t want to give away my secrets.” Teeth gritted, Robin snapped the photo album closed. “I don’t know how you did it, boy, and it doesn’t look like you’re ever going to tell me... but I fear I may have underestimated you.” He passed the book to another glouglou, reaching out to clasp Dom on the shoulder. “Welcome to the Résistance,” he said solemnly. “You have truly earned your place. Mark my words, child. You will get into the temples, and you will get your vengeance.” The relief that poured through Dominic’s body was incredible. “Thank you,” he said sincerely. “Thank you so much.”

*

The next week dragged and flew by at the same time. Dominic was desperate for it to pass; he worried that as more time was put between the present and the last time he saw Matthew, Matthew’s desire for him would’ve faded to a point where risking his life to see him would be completely unjustified. It also flew by at the same time, the skills he learned and the people he met confusing him beyond belief, without time to process it all. Emotionally, Dominic was unstable. He had returned home once, when he knew both Annie and Nancy would be out of the house, to collect some fresh clothes and a certain special possession, and to leave his mother a proper goodbye. Annie. Mum. I’m staying at Scrap’s house for a bit. Not because I don’t want to come home, no, God no. I’m sorry for shouting at you, and I’m even sorry for arguing with Na. As I said, Mum, there’s someone I love, and right now I’m doing something that will hopefully unite me with him. It’s complicated, you see. But... it’s dangerous. I’m putting my life on the line for him. But I’m okay with that, because Dad would want me to stand up for what I believe in. I can’t come back home, because I don’t want the bad things I’m doing to trace back to you. Tell Nancy that, believe it or not, I really do love her, and I hope she has a happy life. I’m going to try my hardest to come home in one piece, Mum. Dom x Since then, he hadn’t even walked near the house, scared that someone knew exactly what he was training for. He continued to sleep on Scrap’s sofa, looking over his shoulder everywhere he went and becoming more alert by the day. He put that down to his training, though. Within the space of a week, he’d learned how to throw a proper punch (although, he was convinced he knew that already), he’d learned how to thrust a dagger straight into someone’s heart (well, a sandbag’s core) and he’d learned how to fire an old flintlock pistol. Robin had imparted on him all his knowledge of the temples, and Dominic had even been surprised when blueprints had been rolled across the corrugated iron table, intricate details about locks and pipes and other things laid bare before his eyes. Dominic was scared, if only because it looked so easy. “The fortress...” Robin had said, Dominic rolling his eyes as the arrogant man refused to refer to it as a temple, “is absolutely impenetrable!” he said, swooshing his cape and pointing a quivering finger in Dominic’s face. After the point had been made, he continued to pace across the room. “Well, it mostly is. There is only one way, really, that it would be possible to get inside a temple to kill a Unique.” Dominic had, over the past few days, gotten incredibly good at not wincing at the thought of Matthew with a dagger in his back. “There’s the connecting lobby,” Robin said, pointing at a rectangular piece on the blueprint. It connected two large squares, which were the temples. “It has four doors going from it. Two of them go into the temples. One goes out the front, only used on the day that the Uniques emerge for the crowds. This one, though,” he said, pointing to one leading to a maze of smaller rooms, “this is the glouglou entrance, this is what you want to be interested in.” Dominic would be doing it disguised. That back door led to rooms that kept the temples functioning: a kitchen for the Uniques’ meals, a stock room full of shampoo for their bathing rituals, a small room full of tools for repairing anything broken and a room full of robes and towels to be laundered. It was a self-contained unit guarded by a handful of glouglous who were kept on heavy rotation. As such, Dominic actually knew half of them from school, and the other half from his Sector. These guards wore dark robes, with hoods right up over their faces. In the dead of night, as he stood at the bottom of the hill that led up to the temples, he was nudged in the back. Turning around, Dominic barely had a second to grab the bundle of clothes before his dispatcher was fleeing down the road. He shrugged the robes over his jeans and grey t-shirt, the fabric consuming his lithe body whole. Dominic breathed in and out slowly as he walked up the hill. There was a dagger strapped to his thigh, and his right hand still ached from where Robin had gripped it and wished him the best of luck, martyr. He approached the back gate of the temple complex, something much less grand than the other entrance. It squeaked open as he passed through, alerting his presence to the guards. The guards were glouglous, yes, but they were armed to the teeth and instructed to kill anyone, Voix or otherwise, who stepped through the gate. Thankfully, Dom’s attire stopped his ribs from becoming intimate with a blade. Yet. He nodded solemnly as he pushed open the door into the complex, the place nearly deserted now that the Uniques had been fed, watered and clothed for the day. A lone glouglou or two wandered the corridor in their black robes, looking miserably bored. Dominic ducked into a side room he had memorised as a pantry, plucking the first item of food he came across from the shelf  - a packet of bite-size chocolate cakes curiously filled with orange jam - and tucked them up his sleeve. Dominic ascended a small flight of steps into the main lobby, head snapping left and right towards each temple door. He thought, no, he knew Matthew’s would be to the right, but he was caught in a moment of panic. What if he was remembering wrong? What if he was using reverse psychology on himself? What if--? “Oi!” Dominic spun right, to the sound of the voice. A taller, black robe clad man stood before him. “What are you doing here?” Gulping hard, Dominic tried his answer, hand slowly and inconspicuously moving towards his dagger, just in case. “Midnight snack for Master Bellamy,” he said, managing to keep the quiver out of his voice. “Oh.” The glouglou before him sounded disappointed that he wasn’t a glouglou intent on killing Bellamy instead, like so many others were rooting for Dominic to do. “Well, go on in then.” Dominic blinked. Was that it? No dagger to the throat or gun to the temple or even a simple fist fight? He tried not to pout as his hand gripped the doorknob tight, ready to push the door open. “Just knock three times when you--” Dominic’s hood had fallen back slightly, his wide grey eyes caught in the light of a nearby candle. The guard had recognised him, and he suddenly dropped to his knees. “Forgive me, sir. You may take as long as you want,” the guard said, not even trying to meet Dominic in the eyes. “I’m sorry?” Dominic sputtered incredulously. “Sir?” “Yes, sir,” the guard said, raising his head slightly. “You’re the one who’s come to relieve us from glouglou tyranny, aren’t you?” Dominic stayed silent, worried that somehow, someone had found out about his and Matthew’s predicament. “Robin has told us how you will make a statement to St. Pierre that the glouglous will be victorious.” But, as soon as Dominic heard Robin’s name, he exhaled. “Yes,” he said, clearing his throat and putting a hand on his heart. “I mean, yes, it is I, Dominic 815231184, freer of the glouglous,” he said, trying to live up to the role placed upon him. “Thank you sir, take all the time you need, sir, I’ll make sure you’re not disturbed,” the glouglou said, shuffling backwards before standing up, still with his head low. With a quick bow, the guard scurried away, leaving Dominic alone with his thoughts.