#this is a space for more adult nuanced conversation

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Don’t get me wrong, Jungkook’s photos were absolutely gorgeous and I did indeed purchase his photo book, but with all the elements and symbolism we are already seeing from Jimin’s concept in just 2 teasers, I must say that Jungkook’s twilight vampire theme seems pretty basic in comparison. Jungkook’s beautiful face and ability to wear anything well is what mostly carried his pictorial. It’s kind of ironic that with all his tattoos and edgy piercings he often tends to take the safest routes creatively, even outside of the BTS sphere, not just with concepts but with his music as well. I would like to see more from him in terms of depth and variety and I hope he delivers that as his solo career progresses. His My Time solo performance was the closest he has ever come to really surprising me. Meanwhile Jimin is well on his way to meeting and surpassing all expectations I had for his solo era. He keeps me guessing, I can’t figure him out and I love that. He is so intelligent and I’m happy that he is now able to show just how knowledgeable he is outside of the mould of BTS. I am so excited to see what else he has in store for us.

I don't mind making comparisons, I don't believe there's anything wrong with that, despite the message stan twitter is currently sending. When we are presented with a project idea and we have several examples of how it can look (3 until now), it's really difficult not to look at each and compare. There is also a big dose of personal taste and subjectivity which is the main reason why this line of thinking is to be expected and definitely not a way to set up someone for criticism (god, I hate twitter people, they reallt like to flaunt how unneducated they are).

Anyway, back to your actual ask. I also ordered Jungkook's photofolio, I can't wait for it to be delivered, but if I somehow ended up in a situatiom where I had to choose between JK and JM's concept idea and execution, in this case I would go with Jimin. But, I also don't believe that Jungkook's pictorial can be reduced at just being inspired by Twilight, his pretty face and ability to wear the outfits. This is where I disagree with you, simply because I think there's more to it. JK may have said things and used that information in the setting inspired by Twillight, but his theme was time difference. And the result looked more inspired by Anne Rice, than any other pop culture, currently more well known vampire story. The point is, he told a story. His project was indeed conceptual and he was just as involved in every detail, including how dark the teaser should look. I actually think he was once again showing his creativity and using the opportunity to create a character. That's why it stood out so much. And that's why I love Jimin's idea as well. They both chose to be storytellers. Jungkook took a well-known literary reference and perhaps he only played a character and Jimin is creating himself. Their purpose is different, but the means are quite similar.

Perhaps Jungkook did take safer routes (indeed, My Time stands out), but we also have no idea how his solo album is going to sound like or how it's going to be conceptualized. A collab with Puth or some covers are not enough or perhaps very far from what Jungkook would do with his own music. This is something that we can only wait for. Jimin is surpassing all expectations and there is a buzz now because he mostly kept quiet about anything that had no connection to BTS, so the impact is perhaps greater. But I still remember the reaction I had (and others as well) when the first photo teaser of Jungkook was published. Everyone was shocked.

What I'm trying to say is, ultimately, we have our preferences and at the end of the way, we can simply like something more. But as much as my personal taste is closer to Jimin's concept, I do believe that both of them understood what are the possibilities with this project and how they can use it in order to show more about them, and not just as BTS members. That's a huge step forward.

[ride-thedragon]

It's absolutely abhorrent the treatment of Actors of Colour and Queer/Non Binary actors from the house of the dragon fandom.

Bullying actors who were literally children at the start of production because you don't like the way they do their job and communicate their process.

Abusing actors with slurs against them because you don't like their character or the fact that they are a person of colour in this universe.

Utilising the unconscious brutal imagery invoked by the show to fuel your hatred and take it out on the actor.

Misgendering out and proud non binary actors.

Going further than the show did to contribute to the minimising of these black characters. Going as far as to say that the actresses are interchangeable.

Using racist, transphobic, sexist language against the actors for portraying characters.

Removing women in their written narratives because you don't agree with their actions yet no words about the atrocities of male characters there and coming.

Calling actors ugly and using ai especially to take their faces and distort them into your own perversions.

So much more things that can be added, but don't come to mind yet they occur. There seems to be a disconnect between these actors and who they portray.

The fact that this is their job and not their life. The fact that black and brown characters are allowed to be written into these fantasy genres without extra hatred for being bipoc and nuanced. The fact that Trans and Non binary actors can exist within this space with the understanding of separating them from the gender of the character they portray. The idea that you shouldn't bully children as the majority of this fandom is adults.

We are too grown to have these conversations about basic respect. You all are too grown to conflate actors with their characters and hurl abuses towards them because you don't like their character or pit them against each other as though they are in competition.

Get a fucking grip.

[curio-queries]

As an aroace myself, I have sometimes wondered about the relationship status between Jimin and Jungkook. Not because I don't think they love each other, because it's obvious that they do. But because I love my friends so strongly, that sometimes, people who do not know me, think that I am in a relationship with a couple of them. I am, but it's just not the relationship they think about. It's literally just a very strong friendship.

The complete aspec erasure is so strong in the BTS community. It often feels like there is absolutely no room for any other relationship that normal dude-bro friends or boyfriends who have sex, often. Like no, please, there are so many other ways people can love each others, and every single way is beautiful in its own right. Do I believe Jimin and Jungkook are in love ? A little. Yes. Because they definitely go past the barriers that I know. But does that mean they are regular boyfriends? I don't know. Only they know. They are free to define their relationship in any way that pleases them. They are incredibly famous multi-millionnaires, so it makes me laugh when people think they can stand in their shoes and assume that they know exactly what they are for each other. No, you don't. Nobody but them knows. Nobody even realise how freaking busy they are (not until @wingzie made that beautiful timeline). They don't have a 9 to 5 factory or desk job. They have a life that nearly nobody on earth can relate to. And maybe even them have not yet defined exactly what they are to each other, or maybe they were waiting, or maybe things change and move around. There is no right or wrong way to have a relationship, as long as it's between consenting adults. It's so nice to have someone else from the aspec community over here <3.

Hi anon!

It's so lovely to hear your thoughts as well. I completely understand everything you're saying here. It's something that's been building up for me for a while here. I spend absolutely no time engaging in other social media spaces for BTS content. I dipped my toes into those waters and there just wasn't enough space for nuance for me. But here in cooky little tumblr land, there's at least a tiny fraction of a place where I feel these conversations can actually be held.

Frankly, I do like spending time sharing in the joy that I see in the member's relationships. There are some absolutely wonderful moments of humanity to which we're privy. If I could improve one thing though it'd definitely be for people to focus more on the joy-sharing and celebrations rather than the fanwars and competitions.

Anyway, thank you for sending this in! It's so lovely to know I'm not completely alone in these views.

[beigetiger]

Discussing Valduggery and how it reflects disagreements in generalized fandom shipping ethics (I wrote this on a dare, thanks @vividvermilion)

Gonna preface this by saying that I do not ship Valduggery, nor do I necessarily approve of other people shipping it. I think that there’s some legitimately fascinating discussions that could be had surrounding it though, but any sort of nuance usually gets flattened and it’s pretty disappointing. So this essay is gonna sound a lot like me defending the ship, I’m not, but I was thinking about it.

Like I said earlier, nuance often gets cut out of the conversation, likely due to a variety of factors. One would be a knee-jerk disgust towards it (which I’m not saying is inherently bad) and another is probably that people really, really do not want their fandom to be known as the one that defends a borderline pedophilic ship (I say borderline because I’ve only ever seen Valdug stuff set when Valkyrie is an adult, but I’m also only on Tumblr and have no idea what’s going on in other forums). Again, not a bad thing to want, but outside social pressure is how a lot general fandom policing takes hold, which then makes the fandom more of a toxic space.

Now, this fandom in particular is pretty relaxed and I appreciate that, but getting into fights, bullying others over their ships, and just generally spreading vitriol against your fellow media enjoyers is never ok and it makes the fandom spaces so much less enjoyable for everybody. And since so many people on social media feel the need to insert themselves into everything regardless of whether or not they enjoy it, it’s always a good reminder that if you dislike or disapprove of something, keep your mouth shut and block it (I know this is a pretty general thing taught on Tumblr, but I’m still going to reinforce it here). This also means that experiencing some form of shaming from someone outside the fandom is very much within possibility, but the people who do that are stupid and you should internalize the idea that you shouldn’t take that seriously.

I’m also gonna point out, no matter how already-talked-about this point is, that none of these people are real people, or even based on real people. These guys are about as fictional as you are ever going to get. It’s a fair thing to point out that allowing yourself to become accustomed to this particular flavour of fictional abuse can allow you to become more accepting of it in real life, and that might be vaguely correct (don’t quote me on this, I’m not a psychologist), but the thing is is that if that were true, than that standard would have to be enforced on all types of fictional abuse.

And here is where I discuss the big double standard of abuse in fandom spaces. I’m gonna have to use some other fandoms as a reference for this, and I’m dead certain that everyone reading this can come up with a few of their own as well. Abuse is depicted in media pretty often, which means that the people who consume it are then desensitized to it (to a degree). But since some flavours of abuse are shown, discussed, and joked about more often, this leads to a sort of fandom dichotomy between “acceptable abuse”, which is abuse that is allowed to be drawn, enjoyed, and romanticized, as opposed to “bad” abuse, which will get you demonized for enjoying and sometimes even depicting. If any of you have seen Gravity Falls trending recently, Billford (the reason it’s trending) is an abusive ship, but it’s considered “acceptable” abuse. Bad abuse usually involves sexual assualt or pedophilia (and often other topics as well). It’s all abuse, but the fact that some forms of abuse will get you harassed and threatened while other forms are extremely popular signals to me that some amount of discussion regarding double-standards and basic self-control should probably be had in general fandom spaces.

Because if we were to enforce the idea that all types of abuse (romantic or otherwise) are Very Bad™️ and need to be demonized, none of us are actually allowed to enjoy Skulduggery Pleasant because it’s a series about a child soldier and the four-hundred-year-old guy she has a toxic codependency with. Again, I do not ship them romantically at all, but I really do enjoy thinking about and analyzing fucked up dynamics, so I’d much prefer to be able to enjoy this series without being shamed for it (and wish to extend that courtesy to others because if there’s anything I hate, it’s being a hypocrite).

But going back to shipping, shipping something abusive or generally fucked up (such as Valduggery) is not the same as endorsing it, even if the person does enjoy it. Enjoying/appreciating is not endorsing either. In fact, writing or depicting something that’s already messed up in the canon can be a creative way to analyze and then extend that abuse, which gives fans more food for thought and gives writers and artists good practice thinking about social implications.

For example, there’s probably an unholy number of variations of Valduggery ships (I’ve seen two here on Tumblr but I’d be shocked if there’s not more) due to there being so many variations of both Skulduggery and Valkyrie (four each, I believe). Each of these pairings have a slightly different dynamic and writing about those different dynamics is interesting! I have fun thinking about the different possible dynamics between the duos (hello, every SP au I have ever made) and doing that same analyzing but in a romantic sense isn’t inherently evil (sometimes it’s really funny). Fandoms are supposed to be places for creative self-expression, and policing what people are allowed to do with themselves (while also enforcing a double standard) isn’t good.

On a more general note and not necessarily tying into the SP fandom, sometimes people write or draw toxic ships (or other things that aren’t necessarily ships) as a way to work through and express trauma or other negative emotions. And these people don’t deserve to be harassed for doing that (again, self-expression). They also don’t have to defend themselves to you or specifically state that they’re doing what they’re doing to help themselves handle trauma, because that’s on par with asking for the medical history of a trans or disabled person and is a fucked up thing to do. Not that I’m blaming this fandom in particular for doing that, you guys are great. This is just my general ranting about fandom spaces with my limited experience handling fandom (especially toxic fandom).

Now, as I said earlier, I actually don’t interact with the SP fandom outside of Tumblr, so I could be wildly mischaracterizing Valduggery shippers in other spaces at the moment (I’ve heard horror stories about AO3 but I’m not on there so I have no opinions of my own). Intentionally making light of abuse is always bad, but again, please do not harass your fellow fans.

This was a REALLY long post and I’m sorry for bringing up something that I know is a bit of a touchy subject for this fandom. This idea started out as a lot more specifically about Valduggery but then I decided that so much I wanted to talk about regarding the ship is a trend reflected across nearly all fandoms, so I ended up talking in much more general terms.

If anyone has literally any thoughts please share them, because I’m slightly in disbelief that I actually wrote this out about this subject. I also want to know if I missed any important factors while writing this because I hate doing that. Thank you all for reading my soapbox rant.

[foggyxrayspecs]

Can you do a one shot of cub standing upright??

Sorry it’s the anon from before

YESSS. Thank you for being patient, friend! You got it! Here's a one-shot about a year and a half after the Security Measures main series. Warnings: dark-ish, sub-themes of human trafficking, heavy pet play Word Count: ~1500 Excerpt: You swallow down your growls. You straighten your spine against the stress. No slouching. Slouching turns to bending, bending turns to curling… You roll your shoulders back and puff out your chest intentionally. Your focus shifts back to your breath — the only thing you can control at the moment.

IN A WAREHOUSE IN YEKATERINBURG, RUSSIA It took roughly a thousand hours of mobility training and practice to get you here, but you are here on your own two feet.

You stand stoically, a sentinel outside the room where your owner engages in a high-stakes meeting with the Yekaterinburg mob boss. Your hard gaze wills your sight to bore through the closed door. Your auditory enhancements are dialed up to try and catch every sound, including the cadence of Yelena’s speech rhythms as she negotiates for keeps. 

You are dressed head-to-toe in black tactical. Always mindful of your comfort and mobility during missions, Yelena designed your suit to be roomy enough to accommodate any necessary movements. The fabric clings to your body but is not too tight, allowing flexibility without compromising protection. Your hood, a custom piece, resembles a K-9, complete with little ears that stand up on either side of your head. It extends with a longer snout build-out that provides ample space for a muzzle when required while still optimized for breathing. 

Around your neck, you proudly wear your day collar, a symbol of your loyalty and Yelena’s ownership. A simple bulldog harness adorns your torso, providing additional support and security. Plus, you love it when she tugs on the strap to pull you close. 

But it's the footwear that still feels strange to you. Yelena insisted you wear shoes after you accidentally burned the pads of your feet. These steel and supple leather boots have been expertly molded to fit your feet like a second skin. You wiggle your toes, still adjusting to the sensation so different from what you were accustomed to. So weird.

As the negotiation progresses, you study the tone of the voices in the room, Yelena's trademark confidence, and the mobster's unpredictable temperament. The rhythm of their conversation, the pauses, and the inflections become a catalog of information that you analyze every nuance for potential threats.

You swallow down your growls. You straighten your spine against the stress. No slouching. Slouching turns to bending, bending turns to curling downward… You roll your shoulders back and puff out your chest intentionally. A tiny bit of your focus shifts to your breath — the only thing you can control at the moment.

XXXXX

ONE YEAR AGO (TRAINING MONTAGE)

Yelena's determination to have you on more extended missions made her focus on your mobility earnestly. Due to the regulations that required HK-9s to travel in crates in the cargo holds of planes, Yelena wanted to find a way to keep you close to her side. So, she started you on a rigorous routine, retraining you to stand upright after spending most of your adult life walking on all fours.

The training began with early morning workouts, targeting your core muscles and balance. You could sit up on the ottoman for an entire movie as you gain strength. Well, if the movie wasn’t too scary (and didn’t set off your protective instincts enough to lunge at the screen.) From there, Yelena guided you to stand using support from a wall or other sturdy objects, allowing you to grow accustomed to being upright. Climbing up her while she stood was always your favorite exercise, with the instant reward of affectionate kisses and nuzzling.

Gradually, Yelena decreased the amount of support you required. With time and practice, you could stand unassisted for extended periods, your muscles growing stronger as she molded your body through her instruction.

Once you could stand freely, Yelena shifted her focus to re-teaching you how to walk. Advised by Oksana, she transformed the home gym by installing parallel bars and other physical therapy equipment, providing you with stable tools for practice. 

The effort wasn't without its snags. Melina offered her assistance when you experienced unexplained bouts of vertigo during your first steps. She expertly assessed your sensory inputs and made slight adjustments near your vestibular nerve (to reverse tampering from years ago), alleviating any concerns of nausea or dizziness. Your progress kicked into overdrive when you could stop worrying about losing your lunch.   

Yelena ensured the house environment was safe and free of obstacles, so you could no longer leave your toys everywhere. Bipedal-only walking days were implemented inside the house, pressing you to practice on surfaces like wood, carpet, tile, and grass. Yelena remained patient and positive throughout, even when frustration got the better of you. 

She stood by your side with a cane during sessions on the treadmill, gently tapping you on either calf to correct any toe-turning. She listened keenly to your body's messages and promptly ceased training if you experienced pain. She was better at that than you were. 

But the playful moment when you confidently moonwalked backward across the kitchen floor — a move taught to you by one of the widows during some downtime— signaled to Yelena that the time had come to take you out.

XXXXX

BACK IN THE CORRIDOR

You stand at attention as Yelena exits the dimly lit room; her expression is unreadable, and her gun is smoking. Her eyes briefly look up and meet yours, a fleeting acknowledgment. There is no need for words; you are leaving now. You fall into step beside her as you walk down the corridor. Your eyes sweep the area and over her head, knowing that four widows are covertly covering the building but will not reveal themselves unless signaled. 

Together, you and Yelena move in sync, a well-practiced vigilance. Each turn you take, each hallway you navigate, brings you closer to the exit. Yelena quickens her pace, and you adjust accordingly, seamlessly matching her movements. You share an unspoken understanding, a mutual trust forged through countless missions and shared experiences.

Finally, you reach the exit. With a subtle nod, you guide her toward the sleek egress vehicle, its polished exterior gleaming under the moon. The car door opens soundlessly, and Yelena gracefully slides into the driver’s seat. You ensure her safety with a gentle click as the door closes.

The engine purrs softly. With a smile on her lips, she reaches over and opens the passenger door, motioning for you to join her. She whispers with her voice laced with pride and anticipation, "Get in, cub." 

XXXXX

AT A SAFE HOUSE NEAR THE AIRPORT

She opens the door for you when you get out of the car. You reach out, then stop yourself. Yelena looks back at you and smiles softly, then reaches to curl her pinkie around your index finger. “You always need a leash, yes?” You roll your eyes. She continues while leading you to the door, “You know you love it.”

You smile shyly with a shrug and sign. Maybe just a little.

Yelena opens the house with her security access, then locks it down when you are both inside. Once in your bedroom, Yelena stands before you, her eyes scanning your tactical gear. “You did a very good job, my cub, and you looked very cool in your new suit.” 

Yelena’s inspections were familiar after a mission, but this time, she had a mischievous glint in her eyes. With deliberate movements, she approached you, her fingers deftly undoing the fastenings of your suit, one by one. 

You stood still, anticipation building as she removed each piece. As her fingers released the buckles of your harness, the straps fell away. When she unzipped the suit, her fingers brushed against your skin, igniting a trail of shivers. The hood was the next to come off. Her fingers lingered, tracing the contours of the muzzle as she set it aside.

Yelena's touch ghosted over the day collar, a silent affirmation of her possession. With gentleness, she leaned forward to press her lips against the lock that symbolized your devotion.

With every piece of clothing removed, you stood before Yelena, bared and vulnerable. Her eyes met yours, a mixture of affection and possessiveness shining in them. She took a step closer, caressing your cheek, and whispered, "You're mine." You close your eyes briefly, then open them, knowing that her claim extends far beyond the physical. 

You take a long breath and sign. Please?

Yelena smiles slowly and nods once. “Kneel.”

A wave of relief hits you, and you can barely help yourself from folding in midair.

As you lower yourself, your eyes never leave hers while your perspectives are inverted. You go from towering over her down to her eye level, then lower until you are on your knees, looking up at your owner.

It's hard to describe the transference. Looking down at Yelena makes you feel protective, strong, and ready. It also makes you feel loving and compassionate. When you look down at her, you see not only her physical appearance but also her vulnerability. You see a person who trusts you. 

But looking up at someone you love can also be a very intimate experience. It makes you feel safe and protected. It makes you feel excited and grateful. When you look up at Yelena, you see her body but also her soul. You see the person who makes you feel happy, loved, and cherished.

After a thousand hours of training to stand and move, it becomes clear that kneeling for her requires no time at all.

[daystarvoyage]

Hey! I know most people like to imagine Philip's reaction upon seeing Lilith centuries later and realizes that she's the one who punched him in the face but hear me out and imagine this:

Ghost Caleb who's following his brother around/ Papa Titan watching Philip through the cubes and both sees Lilith punching Philip in the Deadwardian era: .... He deserved that...

Both men centuries later, seeing a younger Lilith and recognizes her: OMG, it's her! *immediately starts the countdown when will Lilith go back in time*

hmmm, I do feel you're talking about the interactions with the claw-thrones & witter banes in the show,

SO I'm going to make this elaborate answer,

But I have a lot to add along this by ranting in my input.

Yes, I do feel that was a lost opportunity to flesh out these groups more, cause Eda is a main character, with Lilith being her sister, which should've been explored properly.

along with their family Gwen & dill, they were the coolest characters shown, Gwen to be exact ever since her debut showing off her magical prowess.

The father's Name I think?, I feel he never got proper exposure except for that strained family moment episode, and that’s it so that’s a missed opportunity.

(SIGH It's weird how they treat the MEN in the show very weird, cause they didn’t make a prominent impact like the females, ANOTHER TOPIC SOON.)

we never get any future closure within the series centered around the family, cause they could've made room to due alot, let alone even a conversation, or more advancements on how IDK the palismen can properly excel the magic system within the show CAUSE DILL HAS KNOWLEDGE OF THEM.

As for lilith time travel episode,

Ghost Caleb Shoudve made a debut in season 2 instead being muddled with discourse to have more characters who haven't had proper spotlight to Get to know them being overshadowed.

I mean its a fantasy show, you have to have proper worldbuilding and lore being talked about more, Which the whole show-and-tell thing didn't work out cause it was never explored again, plus the time travel aspect should've contributed a lot more but was played off just for bplot manner that should've been bigger, (unlike another episode with one bplot overtook a certain characters spotlight?!)

LIKE THE WITTERBANE LORE BEING RUSHED and the only achievement that Lilith got after your fans treated her badly,

(with Camilia who’s a good mother, SO WE DONT WELCOME TOXIC HATERS HERE.)

For Lilith to get in your good graces is just punching Phillip, OR BEING KNOW AS AROACE cause when your sexuality wins with no proper character development or Writing in the Owl House. (which is understandable cause lgbt media has been taboo throughout times.)

but not properly give nuance on why I know she wanted to have objectives, please we need Good writing characters plz.

(besides Lilith befriending Phillip in the time travel episode.)

Lilith development i feel should've been placed in an organized manner. I Swear the show treats its adults in a useless adults or demonizes them if they don't let their favorites get there way. shunned them retcon them or not celebrated more compared to the other popular characters. SMH

so heres term for it

(not to mention their characters being retconned at times.)

it felt they got off easy with her ever since I watched pitched bibles of her being antagonistic, (along her run of the show), as time goes by, We got to see which contributed that, that should've been explored

as for the yes along Papa Titan ordeal, I felt they should've made him more impactful cause he is a literal god yet he's just made as a joke for luz to revive herself. COME ON

all i know is the Witterbane & Clawthrones should've had more interactions with A POWERFUL GOD SMH, cause dill had knowledge of some powerful items that could've contributed to the story but he was sidelined, the way they shelved half the characters is just wow

So hope this answers all your questions and thanks for sipping tea with me more topics on my youtube Channel - Daystar Voyage

[betweenthings2]

❛ it’s okay, you can touch me. ❜ for gatty please….feel like it can be your sweet spot of angst and smut 😂

Thank you for the ask!! I'm so, so, so sorry it took me so long to write this. I have no excuse. The prompt list is here if anyone else wants to see it =) If it's any consolation, this is like two thousand words and has a real plot.

Subtle smut starters- "It's ok, you can touch me."

*This is adult content, proceed accordingly*

They haven't really done anything since Matty's been home. Really, it's been much longer than that, but Matty doesn't really want to add before to the count. They've been sharing a bed, sharing space, sharing a life, again, but they haven't really done this. They tried more than a few times, but Matty kept freezing up, retreating inside himself, so they stopped trying. Matty knew it would probably be like that. He's had to learn how to reconnect with his body, understand feelings and urges beyond being high and being dope sick.

Matty is doing better now, though. His body feels more like his own. He doesn't hate looking at himself on the mirror anymore. He's getting better at identifying what his body is telling him. He feels better, better than he has in a long time. Matty just needs to convince George to touch him again. It's not that George hasn't touched him at all. Matty likes contact and George hasn't been out to deprive him of that, he's just been very careful of how he does it.

Matty's plan to convince George he's ok again involves less nuance and more simply draping himself over George at every chance he gets. George doesn't give Matty much at first, just careful, gentle touches, and mostly keeps his hands to himself. Matty finds it infuriating and endearing in equal measure. On one hand, he wants George to touch him again, but on the other, George is so good to him, so kind, so thoughtful, so careful, so loving. The whole thing would be solved if Matty just had a conversation, but he's just not quite ready to actually talk about it.

Instead, he doubles down on trying to send the message through actions. He starts by crowding into George's space, trying to get close and touchy. Matty's plan kind of backfires, though, because every time he tries, George just offers a gentle touch to his shoulder or upper back and moves, offering the space he thinks Matty needs. Matty knows he ought to just say something, but every time he tries, he comes up blank on what he's supposed to say. Something like, 'Hey, George, remember how I went to rehab and had no idea how to be a person in a body? I'm better now. Wanna fuck?' Matty's pretty sure that’s the wrong way to go about things. Still, his current approach is also probably the wrong way to go about things, too.

Matty finally makes himself just say something one evening that he and George meet Adam and Ross for dinner and drinks. George excuses himself for a cigarette towards the end of the meal and Matty follows a few minutes later, citing the same excuse after Adam asks if he and George are ok. Outside, George offers a greeting, but makes no move to be close or touch, so Matty crowds himself into George's space, plucks the cigarette from between his fingers, and takes a drag. Ever thoughtful, George takes a step back, giving Matty space, until Matty grabs his wrist, keeping him from stepping away again.

"Stop it," Matty says, dropping the cigarette. "Stop fucking backing off. Stop fucking acting like you don't want to be near me."

George doesn't answer right away, just looks at Matty half confused.

Suddenly it strikes Matty that maybe George doesn't want to be around him. So much has changed and they've been though so much, Matty has put them through so much. He lets go of George's wrist and steps back, saying, "Do you," he pauses, "do you not want to me near me?"

"Fuck, Matty, no, I, I," George pauses to gather his words, then continues, "I always want to be near you. Always."

"Then," a pause, "then why are you acting like you don't?"

George steps closer and pulls Matty into a tight hug. "I'm sorry," he murmurs. "I am."

Matty rests his forehead against George's shoulder when they separate a bit and mumbles, "I miss you."

"I'm here," George promises, rubbing Matty's back. "I'm here. I'm always right here for you."

"I wanna go home, G," Matty murmurs. "Will you take me home?"

George smiles and presses a kiss into Matty's messy curls, agreeing, "Yeah, let's go home. Just let me pay the bill, ok?"

Matty nods and lets George lead him back inside. The plates have been cleared from their table and Adam and Ross are deep in conversation, glancing up only when Matty and George slide back into their seats. George pays their bill when the waiter comes back and excuses them after that, pointedly wrapping his arm around Matty's waist once they've pulled their jackets on.

They get a cab home and George lets Matty press himself close in the backseat, but there's nothing more than that, just closeness. They both know what's going to happen when they get home, but they all the time in the world to make it good. It's not starting in the backseat of a cab.

It does start when they get inside. They take their shoes off and hang their jackets on the rack by the front door and then George crowds into Matty's space, pulling him close for a kiss, hands just barely against his lower back. When they separate, George detours through the kitchen to leave their leftovers in the fridge and get a glass of water, while Matty heads upstairs. He gets through unbuttoning his shirt before George gets up to the bedroom, too, and takes over.

He pushes Matty's shirt off his shoulders and tosses it away, touches still feather-light against Matty's skin. George leans in for another kiss before he goes to undo Matty's belt and trousers. Matty's hands find their way to unbuttoning George's shirt, too, and it's not long before they're both in nothing but their boxers and Matty urges George toward the bed until he's sitting on the edge.

Matty settles into George's lap, knees on either side of his thighs, and leans in for another kiss, gentle but deep and wanting. George reciprocates, of coure, but he doesn't touch Matty. Instead, his hands hover just barely above Matty's skin, close enough that Matty can sense his hands there, but too far away to feel the contact.

"'s ok," Matty murmurs, breaking the kiss and taking George's hand to rest on his hip, "you can touch me. I want you to touch me."

George leaves his hand on Matty's hips, fingers just barely touching his warm, soft skin, and uses his other hand to cup Matty's jaw, thumb grazing over his cheekbone, and asks, "Are you sure? I don't wanna hurt you."

Matty nods. "You won't hurt me. You've never hurt me. You've never done a thing I didn't want."

Still, George is hesitant, saying, "I don't wanna make things worse. It's ok. We don't have to do anything. You don't own me anything."

"I know that," Matty answers. "I do. I want this. G, I want this." Matty punctuates his words by moving, grinding his hips down into George's lap as if to entice him to do something.

"You're sure?" George asks.

Matty nods again. "I'm sure. I want this."

"You want this?" George echoes, running his hand up Matty's back, under his shirt. "You want me to make you feel good?"

"Please," Matty agrees. "Please touch me."

"Touch you, hm?" George murmurs, ghosting his fingers down Matty's spine. "Like this? Or maybe," he cards fingers through Matty's hair and tugs, "like this? Maybe," George squeezes Matty's hip, fingers digging into his soft skin, "like this?"

Matty shakes his head.

"Maybe like this?" George continues, hand now between Matty's legs, squeezing his cock through his boxers. "Or," George moves his hand to Matty's ass and squeezes again, "here?"

"I want you to fuck me," Matty says, voice low and even, shifting his hips again.

"How?" George pushes. "How do you want me to fuck you?"

"Like you love me," is Matty's answer.

George can't help but press his lips to Matty's in a short, chaste kiss, then murmurs, "I do love you."

"Show me?" Matty asks, quiet and innocent.

"Yeah, I'll show you," George agrees. He guides Matty to lay down, his pale skin a start contrast against the dark bedsheets, and works his boxers off, freeing his hard cock.

"George?"

George pauses. "Yeah?"

"I love you, too."

George can't help but smile and lean down for a gentle kiss, before lubing his fingers and teasing two against Matty's hole until he murmurs a plea, then sinks one inside. He lets Matty get used to having something inside him, then adds a second finger. George takes his time opening Matty up, in part because it's been so long, but also because he can, because he wants to take his time exploring Matty's body, touching him, because Matty wants to be touched.

Eventually George adds a third finger, and after a few moments, Matty says, "I'm ready, George. Don't make me wait, please."

George strokes Matty's hip and responds, "And if I'm not?"

Matty clenches his muscles and whines, like it will convince George to do something.

"Let me, baby, let me take care of you," George murmurs. "Just feel this." He punctuates his words with a careful stroke against Matty's prostate, making him swallow any protests and he does as George told him.

George continues taking his time just feeling Matty and watching his every reaction, appreciating every little noise he makes. When Matty reaches to touch himself, George shakes his head and says, "You're gonna cum like this, just from me touching you."

"I wanna feel you," Matty protests. "Want you to fuck me. Wanna feel your cock. I wanna cum on your cock."

"I will," George responds, stroking Matty's hip again. "You will. You're gonna cum like this first, though. You can cum twice for me, can't you, sweetheart?"

Matty takes a sharp breath, but he nods, and lets George have his way. Really, he has most of what he wants--George's hands on him, George's fingers in him, George all around him--and as long as George keeps saying nice things, keeps calling Matty pet names, keeps being so soft and gentle, he can take whatever he wants from Matty.

"Good boy," George murmurs, "that's my good boy." He finds Matty's prostate again, firm but not rough, making Matty whimper and his cock leak precum against his belly, George repeats the motion, then he does it again and again until Matty cums untouched.

George doesn't stop moving, but his other hand from Matty's hip to his cock to stroke him back to hardness. Matty whimpers when George touches his cock, sensitive, but he doesn't ask George to stop.

What Matty does eventually do is beg. "George," he whines, "please. Don't make me wait any longer, please. Please. I need you."

"Almost," George promises, removing his fingers. He sheds his own boxers, spreads lube over his cock, then lines himself up and sinks slowly inside, stilling to let Matty adjust when he's fully inside.

Matty feels euphoric. Some of that, he's sure, is the lingering fingers of his first orgasm, but more of it is the fact that he finally, finally, is as close to George as physically possible.

Matty kind of gasps which turns into a choked off sob when George starts moving, making him still immediately.

"Matty?" George asks, worried. "Are you hurt?"

Matty shakes his head and tries to wrap his legs around George to keep him close. "'s just," he pauses, "I missed you."

George leans down to kiss Matty hard, wiping a stray tear away when they separate. "You're sure you're ok?" he asks.

"Yeah. I'm sure," Matty answers. "Now please, please, fuck me."

George can't help but chuckle, overcome with affection and he rolls his hips, making Matty's breathing hitch. "You asked, baby," he murmurs. He keeps moving, thrusting shallowly, and presses kisses along Matty's jaw, pausing to suck a hickey at his pulse point.

Matty whimpers and chokes back another small sob. George is everywhere, everything is sweat and sex and George. Everything is George and George knows him. George knows him, and in this moment, Matty delights in being known. His cock is trapped behind their bodies, and there's friction with every thrust of George's hips filling Matty just right. He's not sure when it started, but he's fully crying, good crying, but still crying.

There's no warning when Matty cums, he just does, spilling between them and adding to the mess already there. George isn't far behind him, cumming with just a few more thrusts. He's still for a few moments, then sits up and pulls out before doing a kind of halfhearted job of cleaning them both up with tissues from the nightstand. That's not entirely George's fault, though--Matty's still kind of crying and reaches out to George, urging him to lay down.

George has never really been able to say no to Matty, so he does lay down, gathering Matty into his arms and letting him finish crying. Matty's head feels like it's been packed full of cotton, but George is warm and solid and safe, so he makes no move to change anything, comfortable.

After a while, George asks, "How're ya feelin'?"

"'m good," Matty promises. "You're here."

[amourrs]

age regression is often sexual. people who go into little space can enjoy both sexual and non sexual play. it’s not always a trauma response, some people just like it. if you wanted to learn about it, you could look into the subreddits r/cglpersonals or r/ABDLpersonals

you’re going to find some weird shit in there — but that’s the point. kink between consenting adults is often weird. it often explores taboos, like age play or pet play or even incest.

those things are not unethical just because you don’t like them.

you said: no amount of nuance is going to make me defend reader baby talking whilst joel calls her “kid” and she calls him “dad”.

women are allowed to have fantasies, dude. even if you think they’re weird. a lot of women want to feel small and soft and protected. age play and daddy kink give them a space for that.

an adult participating in age play is probably going to read a lot like they’re “child adjacent” whatever that means. the difference is that they are not a child. they are an adult who can consent, even if they pretend that they cannot to explore the taboo of a roleplay scene.

it is not the same thing as grooming. it is not the same thing as pedophilia. fanfiction is play, written for adults by adults.

here’s the thing. often it’s not a roleplay scene. the warnings on some of these fics say things such as “reader is incredibly naive and knows nothing about sex” and then has the reader act like a child and use child-like language to describe their bodies. how is that anything to do with “play”? if the reader is explicitly stated to have little to no knowledge about sex, explain to me how they can “consent” to a “taboo roleplay scene”.

i will look into these subreddits because i am willing to learn about these things but it’s still not really relevant to my point, because as stated above: it is made clear that these are not roleplay scenes.

and i think there’s a distinct difference between a daddy kink and the whole kid/dad/cunny debacle, but maybe that’s just me. however i’m allowed to state that i don’t want people who are into the type of daddy kink where they actually act as if the character IS the reader’s father to block me and not interact with me. using the word “daddy” in a sexual setting doesn’t bother me: it is the context in which this is used, with children’s clothing and shoes etc used in headers which indicate this to be a lot darker and more disturbing than just a daddy kink.

however, saying incest is not unethical “just because i don’t like it” is crazy. incest is against the law (at least in the uk, and im pretty sure in america from a quick google search) for a very good reason, because it is indeed unethical. i never brought up incest but i will be clear: I DO NOT LIKE INCEST! nor do i agree that it is ethical in the slightest! i fear saying things like this that aren’t even related to my point and go against literal laws doesn’t make you look like a reliable source of information. if you think incest is ethical i am not interested in holding any sort of conversation with you and i must insist you stay away from me and my blog.

[lunar-years]

On a related note, the evolution of how she speaks about marriage in her music is fascinating and really, for me, a little manifesto all its own on growing up, gaining experiences (good and bad), developing hindsight, and coming out the other side as a person with more wisdom and the strength to keep dreaming. It really sucks that most people cannot talk about this in a normal way!! Because when you divorce yourself from the needless obsession with the men involved and place the focus back on HER (who is ultimately the one person her songwriting has always reflected)...what a testament to her evolvement into a multifaceted, complex, still hopeful adult woman with many important dreams this is:

“you looked at me, got down on one knee” -> “marry me Juliet, you'll never have to be alone” -> "back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams of mine" -> “we could get married, have ten kids and teach them how to dream” -> “I’d marry you with paper rings” -> “he wanted a bride I was making my own name” -> “he said that if the sex was half as good as the conversation, soon they’d be pushing strollers” (🤢) -> "Storm coming, bad omen, dragged my feet right down the aisle" -> "she would've made such a lovely bride, what a shame she's fucked in the head" -> "give you my wild, give you a child" -> all they keep asking me is if I’m gonna be your bride, only kind of girl they see is a one night or a wife” -> “I wouldn’t marry me either” -> “I died on the alter waiting for the proof” -> “you take my ring off my middle finger and put it on the one people put wedding rings on, and that’s the closest I’ve come” -> "please, let it once be me...don't want money, just someone who wants my company" -> “are you gonna marry, kiss or kill me? I’m betting on all three”

We can literally trace the evolvement of her thinking from her childhood and teenage years of a hopeless romantic, fairytale-like idealization of marriage, mostly spoken about it in whimsical dreamings about her own future (love story) and songs about other people's relationships she viewed as the epitome of true love (Starlight, Mary’s Song), to the more nuanced thoughts she developed as she got older and started getting into her own relationships. Prioritizing her developing career and putting marriage temporarily behind her other dreams (midnight rain), entering into manipulative relationships where her dreams of marriage and children were first used against her (the manuscript), watching friends and family whose relationships she once thought so solid crumble (happiness), realizing it is far, far worse to be married to the wrong person than to not be married at all (high infidelity, ivy), thinking she's found that right person for her (paper rings, peace), developing a certain level of cynicism about marriage both when it became a sticking point in the relationship and because of the way society has always treated her, from a being a young woman constantly criticized for dating (nothing new) to growing older and existing as a massively successfully but unmarried women in her thirties (champagne problems, lavender haze), and nevertheless holding fast to her dreams! ending a relationship because her wants did not align with his (you're losing me, so long london), falling backwards into relationships where her dreams were used against her (ttpd), reckoning with the realization that this massive, long-standing big dream for herself and her future might never become a reality, giving herself space to mourn that and STILL, after all that, not giving up. Still bravely looking for and asking for and hoping for what she wants instead of throwing in the towel (the prophecy) and ultimately starting again, with a reclamation of the whimsy she felt about romance as a teenager alongside the wisdom that has come from her own experiences (so high school). I MEAN!!!!! god. this is really good shit.

[cheesybadgers]

I suppose expecting nuance from conversations about Strange Way of Life was asking for too much lol.

Re: the upset at people questioning the lack of explicit sex in this, it might be worth noting Pedro Almodóvar’s comments from this interview back when this project was first announced:

Expectations of such scenes were probably largely brought on by quotes like these tbh.

Perhaps his vision for SWOL changed, or there wasn’t enough time in the end, or his comments were taken out of context/lost in translation, but it’s hardly surprising people went in with a certain idea of what they might see when it was touted as Almodóvar’s “answer to Brokeback Mountain” and he previously had turned down that film because he thought Hollywood would sanitise queer desire too much for his artistic freedom.

To immediately go from people discussing this to accusations of fetishisation is a bit of a leap to say the least. Not only because of the above interview but because you have no idea why someone might connect with a queer piece of media or a character. Sexuality and gender are hugely personal topics and unless someone chooses to tell you, you have no idea why it resonated with them.

Do some people have weirdly gendered stereotyped ideas of m/m relationships and say things that might be offensive to real life m/m people? Most likely. I’m not saying people should do and say what they want without any consideration for the LGBTQ+ community in their fandom.

But queer media is often people’s gateway into their own identities and the LGBTQ+ community, or becoming an ally, so to write off anyone who wants to explore themselves in relation to such media as some sort of sexual deviant is so reductive, offensive, and reads like outdated fandom arguments from about 15-20 years ago. And at this point, it feels like some people just don’t want there to be a space at all for queer people in the wider PP fandom.

Obviously, it’s completely valid if Almodóvar decided to go for more subtle eroticism this time compared to his older work (and for the record, it’s not a choice I personally had an issue with at all), but can we chill with all the moral judgement of anyone who talks about sex between two adult fictional men?

It’s especially hypocritical (and rather telling of how the community views m/m content in general, because it’s far from the first time I’ve noticed people being weirdly puritanical about this subject) coming from a fandom that reblogs the hell out of all the Javi related sex scenes from Narcos.

I wonder what could possibly be the difference between those sex scenes and these, er, non-existent sex scenes…

[dinosaursatemymom]

Tw:sa, mentions of sa

TL;DR: nuance is incredibly important when discussing ships and characters. Also don't fucking make shit up, that's gross.

oh

Oml

I just found out that some people think that Steve SA'd Nancy in s1

Btw I don't ship stncy, but this is just, no. Oml no.

I just have to say that this is definitely wild. Especially because that's, just, not what happened in the show, and trying to paint Steve as this evil assaulter who was only using Nancy for sex literally undoes his entire plot in s1 that proves he wasn't just using her for sex.

In the first scene, he pushes for more, she says no, they joke a little, and then he stops. It was clearly meant to be lighthearted. The scene where they actually do have sex, Nancy initiates it. Steve did not at any point force Nancy into having sex. Lighthearted joking about having sex is not sa. If you cannot tell the difference between lighthearted joking around and literal fucking SA then please do not say shit like this, especially if you haven't experienced SA yourself.

Like, if you wanna talk SA maybe talk about the very real violation of consent in the show by Jonathan.(ftr I have forgiven Jonathan for this, he has clearly grown since s1 I just feel it's necessary to bring up in this convo bc jncy shippers tend to just ignore that this happened) Jonathan not only violated nancy's privacy, he also violated Tommy's, Barb's, Steve's and Carol's consent in taking these pictures. They were not in a public space, he went into a private gathering and took pictures without consent. That's a violation of privacy, tommy and carol being assholes doesn't mean they should get their privacy taken. It's gross, and it's even worse when people try to excuse Jonathan's actions and say he didn't do anything wrong.

Yes, Jonathan has grown and can be forgiven for this.

But, he was not in the right for taking those pictures of them.

It's the same with Steve

No, he shouldn't have slutshamed Nancy or said those things to Jon.

But, he was in the right for being upset about the pictures and he has grown since then

All of these things are true.

What isn't true it's saying that Steve SA'd Nancy. Especially when this is used as anti stncy "evidence". That's gross. Wtf.

Don't erase the real consent and privacy violation and make one up just to defend a ship. Ew

Also Nancy deserved so much better than Jon in s1, I'm actually glad about the decision to make them get together in s2 because it gave Jon some time to grow and be less weird. I don't really like how they got together (a grown adult giving teens alcohol and telling them to have sex will never not be weird) but I digress.

JSYK this isn't rlly an anti jancy post. I think that they could be really great if they could just fucking communicate and work on their problems better.

Also I just get really annoyed when people treat ships as if they have no issues and are perfect, which tends to be a lot of peoples attitudes on jncy which has kinda turned me off from the ship itself.

So many conversations surrounding jncy and stncy lack much needed nuance, which can lead to people saying things like this as "proof" that a character/ship is bad and terrible and the worst ship ever.

[mickstart]

i think there is a real issue with the way dead drivers are treated by fans. the moment a driver dies while racing they become deified by the motorsport community in this kind of like, parasocial way. any wrongs, nuances or details about their life, achievement or actions are washed away by this, like, paintbrush of grief, which doesn't allow for criticism (of the person as an athlete or as a person) and broadly classes it as disrespectful.

with senna especially, its massively complicated. he was a great driver and massive presence in the sport. most people agree he was a surprisingly gentle guy out of the car. had he never died, he would also be despised by a majority portion of the community, because of his relationship with a teenage girl while he was an adult.

those are the kinds of things that get pushed down or discouraged from discussion when it comes to drivers who died while racing, because of that aforementioned weird deification. and its unfortunate because it betrays the genuine character of a person for a idealized figurehead free of nuance, that at best acts as a disservice to the real person who passed and at worst obfuscates the real harm they may have caused, as people who had a lot of money, a lot of social power and very little oversight to their behaviour.

i say this as someone who has had to cope with their favourite driver in a series dying in a motorsport accident. i believe tributes, dedications and the sharing of memories to be incredibly important for continuing the memory of those who died in what is, frankly, their line of work (no employee should be at risk of dying in their workplace. none), to continue conversations about what the real loss of lax or underdeveloped safety guidelines and practises are. but i also think that criticism can and should be practised in public spaces about those who've died and that it isn't disrespectful to talk realistically about what a person was really like.

(holy shit laura sorry for the essay in ur inbox)

Yeah no dw liv I agree and I think tbh this is just like. A wider issue in society as well like it happens with Any public figure who dies (politicians exempt in most cases) that their life becomes smoothed over and simplified like this. It's part of this cultural thing of "don't speak ill of the dead" but taken to an extreme because of the parasocial elements + Literally Not Knowing These Guys, and like a lot of cultural things about death it's ultimately more harmful than whatever it's trying to soften.

Like I've seen this happening to Michael too, and he's not even dead. It's been hard for me to navigate my own immediate "Michael is perfect and did nothing wrong" attitude and balance that with making sure people still see him as a person who DID do bad things. I've always resisted saying "michael would think X or Y about something" because like. I don't Know what Michael would say and I do not want to speak for him bc he is in fact a person who is thinking things Right Now. That's its own Thing because like, obviously that's also to do with agency and ableism and the resistance to it, but it feels relevant here.

Sport becoming folklore definitely makes this like. More pronounced in F1 fandom I think.

[aroaceconfessions]

My aroaceness feels like a disability and I don't know how to have that conversation with people without them misunderstanding the nuance and just attributing it to internalised aphobia and I don't want to contribute harm to the community as a whole but I wish we could talk about how for some people this variation of sexuality feels like something is missing from the body.

For context I have been physically disabled my entire adult life, I've also known and accepted my sexuality all that time. And to me personally, and I can't stress that 'personally' enough, I can't help but relate how both things affect me. My physical disabilities cause my body to lack certain abilities. That's the whole point of them. And my aroaceness causes my body to lack the ability to feel attraction. Attraction is big part of human growth and developement and not developing that ability feels and acts personally like a disability to me.

Let me be clear I DO NOT see my aroaceness as a disorder, it is not a illness or condition, it cannot be cured or treated. And I never make the assumption any other aroace person would see them selves as disabled for it. Nor would I view them as such unless they disclosed that feeling. But I don't think their experience negates my own or vice versa. It's more nuanced than that.

Just as we should respect that there are autisic individuals who see their autism as a difference and others who see it a disability, and there are are d/Deaf individuals who see their d/Deafness as a difference and others who see it as a disability. Neither of their experiences falsifies the other, both are correct and neither is a better point of view. (And if you think one is you need to do some research and accept that other people know their own experiences, cultures and bodies better than you do.)

However I am aware and agknowledge that in the public sphere sharing this feeling could act as damaging to our community because it is afterall a sexuality not a disability, despite how it affects me, and I don't want to give allos the space to fuel any aphobic rhetoric because this is not their conversation to have.

What do you think, can there be more nuance in this like with other communities or is this all just internalised aphobia? Does anyone else feel this way?

I am sorry if this post has affected anyone in a negative way. Once again this is about my own personal experience of aroaceness and is not about or how I view anyone else.

Thank you for reading.

[khaleesiofalicante]

Hello Dani ,

I am exited to see the books you were recommended too because the whole concept of « race » is being more known in my country too just now and I am interested in learning more about from variés perspectives. I have been learning from an American point of view only. And even tough I am very cautious about my teachers and source materials, it’s always good to see a problem from all sides.

I am from Haiti , and even tough race was mentioned in regards to racism in certain topics when I was in school it was not discussed as a system because just like in your country, race is not part of our Identity.

It only seemed to have affected us on an international level with asinine ideas of IQ différence and it is such a weird idea to us since our existence is proof that it is all BS , we only learned of it through thé littérature of that time.

I did not fully identify as « Black «  even after going to school and working in the US for 10 years because I never fully understood the concept.

2020 brought me clarity and as a result I no longer live in the US 😂 - thank the Universe for that - these people are crazy.

Just like u I knew of the high level of testosterone in black women and I knew that they have been using as an excuse whenever they please as a weapon. When I read your analysis I understood it just like u did.

I understand the reason why you took the post down but I do think that we need to have more in depth nuance conversation in regards to posting information online and how to correct and amend old or incomplete information. Because to me , you taking it down is taking information away from a space that could have needed and it also could have been a véhicule for more information had the people with the added info had addressed it correctly, with the nuances that the situation asked for .

If we are to be a community, we have to not only be able to account for people s background/ location and limitations.

Yes u would have always been responsible to do more recherche but your post could have been a source for people who would not but would have still received info that other with more knowledge would have added more nuances to. It is not only your job as this the job of everyone in the global south (plus the non-melanined allies that are either doing the work or have done it )

Anyways - sorry for the essay - it just that the way that the current state of social media and the lack of nuances and any discourse online is just maddening to me and I want to concerver and protect this pocket of sanity you have created . 😘

Always feel free to rant, talk, and share in this space. You know that already, but just reminding you all anyway 😊

I'm really glad you brought up your experiences and perspectives. This ignorance you mentioned (among us and everyone else too in different ways) is so scary and dangerous. It's frustrating too.

We don’t learn about race (or even gender) in the classroom the way we should. At least, we don't where I live. These are real topics and are integral parts of our identities. They're also the root of much hate and violence, both online and offline. I wish our education systems would spend more time and resources helping young people understand these nuances better. While it's important for adults to be critical and self-educated, I think sustainable change starts with early education. Without that foundation, the damage becomes much harder to undo (I'm always advocating for education reform hehe)

I totally understand your point about taking down the post. I felt that many people were reblogging it without reading into the replies, where the actual conversation and critical thinking were happening, so it wasn't doing any good.

But to be completely transparent, I took it down because I was overwhelmed. I received over 20 hateful messages over the weekend, and I just wanted it to stop. It was impossible to have a constructive conversation about the topic (as we are doing now) while being constantly attacked. We need to give people the space to learn and opportunities to reevaluate. Otherwise, I'm not sure how we can expect change.

Online discourse can be maddening. Agreed! But conflict and discourse are good, they just need to be transformative. Conflict without transformation and learning just fuels more hate and violence, which is a lot of what we're seeing in the world right now (I was reading up on what's happening in the UK, and it's awful!!).

I know I can’t always protect this space from all of that, but when it does come up, I want it to be handled with care and responsibility. I'm responsible for the people here, and I want to ensure we create a space for meaningful, respectful dialogue.

So, thank you (and everyone else) for talking about it and sharing your experiences. I'm eternally grateful for it 💙

[lordelmelloi2]

Idk how many times I have to say it but if you support incest/incest "kink" unfollow me, my blog is not for you. I'm tired of people acting like the fantasy aspect of kink has nothing to do with reality. No one takes incest survivors seriously in general & the societal attitudes currently towards incest & incest survivors are leaning towards this type of abuse's normalization. When a group is already disenfranchised to that point where incest abuse is denied en masse or normalized within media and at times encouraged in certain groups, it is not something that IMO can be practiced as a kink without it being harmful. The same goes for any "kink" that roleplays pedophilic attraction. There are types of kinks that can say something about someone's perception and treatment of members of certain disenfranchised groups, if you know anything about kink and its impact on society or literally anything about psychological dynamics of kinks at all you would know this. Kink is not exempt from analysis. Anything to deal with the psychological dynamics of pleasure is not exempt from analysis nor is it something that should be simplified into "well it's just pretend" or "it's between two adults" as if all kink exists within a vacuum. It's the same reasons why even largely open queer kink communities draw hard lines at raceplay and other forms of roleplay in that vein. It's not a "moral panic" it's simply seeing how these attitudes affect the world around us, and centering survivors in the conversations about these sorts of acts. Centering those who have survived these types of abuses are the way that we stop the cycles of intergenerational abuse. And -- I should add -- the idea that you are not in control of what you do or do not find sexy, what kinks you do or do not engage with, the idea that you can not control your own sexual desires is a concept that denies yourself the agency over your own sex life and erodes your boundaries. This isn't to say that all desire is inherently harmful, but that desire to replicate specific abuses can and will cause you to lose boundaries that otherwise would give respect towards survivors of those abuses. Sexualizing incest, sexualizing children, those are not attitudes that exist in a vacuum. They are attitudes that affect survivors today and assist in grooming more victims of these abuses. Nuance is required in kink. Do not let people convince you that kink exists in a vacuum.

*Disclaimer: I'm someone involved in IRL kink communities, I go to forums, I know elders etc. everything that's involved with anything relating to sexuality deserves nuance and acknowledgment that kink does not exist in a vacuum and that this is still something that affects your psychological interpretations of certain things. Grace is given to those who are coping but when things spill into real life, when it begins to harm survivors and cultivate unsafe spaces for survivors... when it's an abuse that's normalized within society it's not subversive or deviant or whatever. It's already normalized. I do not speak as someone from a sexually repressive household -- actually vastly the opposite -- and I do not engage with reductive bad-faith takes about "puritanicalism" since half of the people who talk about these issues don't even know what that means or what context the term even applies to.

My blog is a safe space for incest survivors, CSA survivors, COCSA survivors, and grooming survivors. It will always be a safe space for abuse survivors. I will never condone abuse or the normalization of abuse and will always be critical of attitudes that contribute to the normalization of said abuses. I am fundamentally anti-abuse. I will never condone attitudes that contribute to abuse.

[lucky-clover-gazette]

nah, there were two victims who have spoken out. anastasia who dream knew was 17 (she tells him she’s “18 soon”) and amanda who dream talked to (and allegedly sexted) before she was 18 because he sent her money for her 18th birthday. dream also himself admitted the instagram dms are real, in which he gave the fan amanda his private snapchat. he admitted to flirting with his underage fans privately. i encourage you to seek out the evidence yourself, rather than just looking at what his fans say (not sure what “twitter search” that proves his innocence you’re referring to. there’s no proof that he is innocent when he literally admitted his guilt himself.) dream stans are biased and obviously spread whatever misinformation they can create to make him look innocent, just like they did with his racism and countless other controversies and drama. but if you really want to believe groomer stans, that’s your decision.

oh yes, because that last sentence totally implies you’re coming from a balanced place of good faith, unlike those demented stans.

the thing is, power dynamics aside, i don’t see a problem with a 20 year old person consensually flirting with a 17 year old. i was 17 after i graduated high school. if i chose to flirt with a 20 year old college student, or accept their advances, it would have been extremely normal.

obviously at any age, it’s never okay to harass people—but i don’t think that’s what was happening in the screenshots that were actually released? you say yourself that the worst and most extreme accusations (sexting) are only alleged. and sexting, just like flirting and romance and even sex itself, is not an activity that becomes morally correct only after people have turned 18. if a 17 year old, who’s a few months away from being 18, consensually sexts her boyfriend who recently turned 20, it’s a fucking joke to suggest some kind of abuse is occurring for the reason of age alone. sexting is a neutral act within itself, which can be a way people are groomed, but also can just be a way teens and young adults interact with each other.

now, regarding the celebrity power dynamics—let it first be perfectly understood that i am not a dream stan. i’m not really a stan of anyone, as internet fan culture around real people has always made me uncomfortable. i have literally no investment or stakes in this discourse, other than giving a shit in principle about online parasocial hate campaigns. most relevantly, i care about the use of potential misinformation that could contribute to the delegitimization of serious substantiated accusations.

which is not to say that these accusations aren’t objectively true—these girls had text conversations with this guy, it clearly happened. and they may feel regret or discomfort with the power imbalance of interacting with an internet celebrity, which is a feeling i understand! the power dynamics here are far more questionable that the age stuff that twitter discourse mongers parade around. but those dynamics also require nuance, which is clearly not the priority in the spaces you (anon) seem to occupy.

personally, i do think it’s cringey and a little slimy to flirtily dm people you know are your fans for a quick ego boost—but it’s not predation or grooming when the fan is 17 and the celeb is 20. if the fan is 13 and the celeb is over 18, it is. most people are able to recognize the difference between those two situations, even if the numbers on paper seem close.

i’m genuinely sorry to hear that these girls had negative experiences with someone they once respected and trusted. if there was primary evidence of nonconsensual harassment, i would simply put this guy out of my mind and keep his name out of my mouth. but i think i can actually be pretty damn certain there is no substantive evidence of harassment or predation, or else you people would already be plastering my inbox with it.

all harm is not equal, and overstating harm and co-opting certain inflammatory language like “groomer” exposes, more than anything else, a vindictive desire to call for mass shaming. which is how i reached the conclusion that, even if some cringe slimy stuff happened, the harshest accusations and subsequent parroting and harassment are very obviously happening because people just already didn’t like the guy.

i do not care if you like dream. i don’t know dream and i don’t particularly like him myself. i only had a little bit of sympathy because 1) i hated the way people dunked on his appearance like it was some kind of moral crusade and 2) i have a mutual who enjoys his celebrity presence.

i’ve held off on answering these asks directly because i think it’s ultimately just giving nonsense more attention than it deserves, but i am also self-righteous and have many thoughts and opinions that i’m always down to express.

and that last sentence especially pissed me off.