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sunnysidekit · 3 years ago

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Summary: All is fair in love and war. And boxing, too, apparently.

Pairing: Ben ‘Benny’ Miller x F!Reader (no y/n, reader’s boxing nickname is ‘Nyx’)

Warnings: Language, mentions of violence.

Word count: 2.2k

My masterlist

Everyone likes a good mystery. Don’t even try to deny it; whether you like Sherlock Holmes or if you’re more of an Agatha Christie fan, none of us can really escape the allure of a good conundrum every now and again. Some people can stare in the face of their mystery and not recognize it for quite some time, while others can practically smell them from a mile away. Ben Miller is part of, well, both groups.

Personally, he likes mysteries and surprises and such, but his army days have taught him all of those are a bad thing. A mission can collapse after the smallest detail changes, after all. Sometimes those missions are called off; other than the fact that he can’t do his job when that happens, he’s not really bothered by it. But when something catches him and his team by surprise during a mission and they have to get on with it anyway, things tend to… let’s say, not end well for everyone. And that’s gently put, of course.

Which is why when he’s at home between deployments, he likes his simple habits. They provide joy and adrenaline, and boy does he need both to function well. One of those habits is boxing. He likes it because of its simplicity; you punch your opponent, they punch you back, and so on and so forth until one of you stops. He’s good at it, too. Will always says that’s because he practiced a lot on him when they were younger. Ben says he’s the one with the good genes. Their mother was a fighter, too, after all.

The other reason he likes boxing is because your opponents always try to surprise you with a little mystery move. It’s fun for him to figure out how to respond in a split second, and the rush he gets when he does so successfully is almost unparalleled. Today, though, the only real surprise is the sudden appearance of his very own mystery. And, hey, you might know where this one’s going: it appears in the shape of a woman…

Benny whoops when he kicks open the door to his old high school gym’s changing room, but it sounds a bit less enthusiastic than it did after his last match. He knew he should have listened to Will and gone somewhere, anywhere else than back to Red Feather Lakes, but he’s not about to mention it when he can already imagine the smug grin spreading across his brother’s face.

He won, that’s what counts. And it’s not that bad to have done so after what is sure to be America’s easiest boxing match. That just means he’s good at it. The crowd went just as wild as it usually does, even though there were significantly less attendants than two weeks ago. Somehow, none of the arguments he tells himself really convinces him.

“All right!” Catfish says triumphantly from behind him. “Looks like all that training paid off, didn’t it?”

“Yeah…” Benny trails off as his slightly blurry vision comes back into focus. There’s someone sitting on one of the benches, someone he doesn’t know. It’s a woman; her aura tells him she’s all business, but her clothes tell him she also definitely plays. “Who’re you?”

The woman doesn’t respond immediately; only after half a minute of casually typing away on her phone does she look up and meet his eye. “Name’s Val,” she says, her facial expression one he can’t quite place. “And I’m about to ask you something you won’t be able to ignore.”

It’s important to notice that Benny isn’t particularly patient in his post-fight high, something Frankie knows very well. He becomes a bomb of electric energy that, once set off, won’t stop until every single muscle in his body gives out. And he’s about to be set off.

“Val, is it?” Frankie smiles at the woman, swiftly moving his friend to the showers. “Why don’t we talk while he cools down, hm?”

“You’re not the one I want to ask a question,” she says calmly, not taking her eyes off Benny. “You’re a Delta boy, aren’t you? I can see it in the way you fight. It takes regular boxers years to develop such a sensitive, quick response capability.”

“Yeah, and?”

“And that makes me think that oaf out there’s a long way from even thinking of acquiring your skillset. It’s impressive how easily you had him on the mat.”

“Ma’am, if you want an autograph-” Frankie tries, sensing the ticking time-bomb next to him is about to blow, but Val immediately interjects.

“Which is precisely what caught my eye. These men are no challenge for you anymore, but I think I know someone who could be. Should you accept their invitation, that is.”

“Do I know him?” Benny narrows his eyes at her, trying by god to figure out her angle in all of this. She smirks and closes her eyes a few seconds longer than a normal blink would take; touchy subject, maybe? Or perhaps he’s right and he has seen the guy before.

“You might have seen them around, sure. But I doubt you’d remember them.”

“So, what? I say yes and I’ll fight your friend here next week or something?” Benny snatches his towel from his bag and snaps it against the wall in annoyance.

“I’m afraid my friend’s a little more… complex than that, Mr. Miller.”

“Hey, uh, no thanks,” Frankie cuts in, waving his hands as if to dissipate the words in the air. “He doesn’t do illegal fights.”

“He’d have plausible deniability,” Val says with a slight tilt of her head, then turns back to face Benny and hands him a business card. "Anyway, the choice is yours, Mr. Miller, not your friend’s. I don’t need an answer right now. Do take your time to think it over, sleep on it a bit. Once you’re a little more comfortable with the idea, give this number a call. I’ve got a feeling they’d very much like to bruise that pretty face of yours until it looks like a Monet.”

She gets up from the bench and walks out of the changing room without looking back. Benny slips the business card into his jacket pocket, something that catches Frankie’s attention.

“Don’t do it, Ben,” he sighs. “I’m serious. You could get arrested, get your ass thrown in jail. You’ll get kicked out of the army.”

“Stop whining, Fish. I’m not gonna do it anyway.”

Despite explicitly telling Frankie he wouldn’t do it, here he is, standing outside his local gym with his phone in one hand and the curious looking business card in the other. There’s not a lot of info on it, but, hey, what did he expect? That an illegal streetfighter would publish their own name, address and contact info on a bunch of business cards?

There are only two things printed on the grey little card: Nyx, which must be the fighter’s nickname or something, and a phone number. It’s been in his jacket pocket ever since he left his old high school, but it felt like it’s been burning a hole in it the entire time. It’s exactly as Val said it would be. He can’t get her proposition out of his mind, no matter how hard he tries.

She’s right about the competition. They’re no match for him, not the ones here in Red Feather Lakes. And, sure, he could always just sign up for something three towns over, but it wouldn’t matter much. How she found out he’s in the Delta Force is beyond him, though. It’s policy not to broadcast such a position if you want to stay in it. Maybe she has connections in the army…

That’s another thing; his place in the army. It would be gone as soon as he gets caught, and it’s not like he’s got great job prospects waiting for him back home when all he’s done for the past ten years is train to get where he is now. No college degree, no other jobs to list on his resume, no wealthy parents to fall back on… His whole life would go up in smoke.

But it does entice him. He technically does illegal things for his job all the time, and the matches he engages in when he has some down time aren’t really scratching that one particular itch anymore. Let’s face it: one phone call can’t hurt, right? He can still refuse, say no, put his foot down. Maybe even convince this guy to go legit.

He pushes the little green receiver on the screen, then puts his phone to his ear. The dial tone beeps three times before someone picks up. He opens his mouth to say something, but the person on the other side is quicker.

“Ben Miller, I presume?” It’s… a woman. But not Val. “Val told me you’d be giving me a call.”

“And you’re…” he quickly flips over the card just to be sure, “…Nyx, then?”

“Got it in one. I do so hate it when Val forgets to mention my name in the initial interview.”

Benny huffs out a confused laugh. “Interview?”

“You aced it, by the way. Not saying too much is best when talking with my… let’s call her my associate,” the woman says. Her voice is softer than Val’s, and a lot smoother. It sounds like what taking a sip of hot chocolate feels like. “Shall we get on with it and discuss the rules of this little arrangement?”

“I don’t-- rules? I haven’t even given you an answer.”

“Oh, don’t fool yourself into thinking you’ve got any restraint left,” she chuckles. “You want to tell me you called just to say hello to a total stranger?”

“No, but-” Benny splutters, but he doesn’t get to finish his sentence.

“Then your answer, even if you haven’t given it to me yet, is as clear as the Pope’s Holy Water. Now then, the rules. In order to keep you in the warm, sunny, light side of the law, I’ll arrange a time and place. All you have to do is show up.”

He can’t help but grin. She’s clearly on top of this whole cloak and dagger operation, that much he can tell. Who she is, though, he can’t say. Not yet. Maybe he’ll recognize her when he sees her. “What about my gear?”

“Do take it with you, please. I’m not a charity, giving away free gear to any John, Charles or Mary.”

“All right,” he says, clicking his tongue. “Anything else?”

“Val will pick you up and get you back home safely, so don’t worry about the whole transport situation.”

“This doesn’t sound very... safe. I mean, you do realize this sounds a lot like kidnapping, right? Or murder, or something like that?”

The woman laughs. It sounds like the melody to a song he knows but has never heard at the same time. It’s the kind of laugh that makes everyone around laugh as well. “Why would I tell you all this and then still proceed with it if my intent was malicious? You can easily call the cops and have my dear Val arrested for whatever crime you think me capable of, and that wouldn’t be very good for my business.”

“Fair enough.”

“Speaking of Val, she’ll pick you up next Wednesday at nine.”

Benny kicks a piece of gravel onto the street next to him and swallows away the last of his pride and dignity. “All right, I guess I’ll see you then.”

“Good lord, I can’t believe Val forgot to tell you that, too,” she laughs again, then clears her throat and continues a lot more seriously. “I only dance in the dark. Have a good night, Mr. Miller.”

Usually, waiting takes ages, but not this time. For Benny the rest of the week practically flew by him and before he knows it, it’s already Wednesday. He went training with Frankie just like any other week, only this time he accidentally forgot to mention his fight with Nyx. He told himself that the less people know about his, uh, date, the better, but he also knows Frankie would have immediately pulled the plug.

Val arrives at nine o’clock sharp in the front seat of a cab, which is no surprise. The drive that follows doesn’t take very long; he also isn’t blindfolded or anything like they do in the movies. The car stops in front of an old warehouse in the east side of town, and that’s when Val turns around in her seat and very concisely tells him to get his ass out of her cab himself, since she’s not going to hold open the door for him.

Instead of driving off, Val simply pulls the keys from the ignition and tosses them to him, calling it his ‘insurance policy’. Then she waves her hand as if to tell him to hurry up and get inside, which he promptly does.

Well, that whole dancing in the dark reference seems to have been meant literally; as soon as the warehouse door closes behind him, an inky, suffocating darkness envelopes Benny and makes a shiver run up and down his spine. He takes a few tentative steps, holding out his arms and moving them around to make sure he doesn’t hit anything while he walks.

Suddenly, a voice calls out to him from a bit further into the sole, big room this warehouse seems to consist of.

“Good evening, Mr. Miller. Let’s get swinging, shall we?”

A/N: Hey there, you made it to the end! Thanks for reading through the whole thing, I hope you liked it. If you’ve got any suggestions or spotted a mistake or two, don’t hesitate to tell me so that I might fix it. I hope you’ll stick around for round two!

#ben miller x you #ben miller x y/n #ben miller x reader #benny miller #frankie morales #triple frontier #garrett hedlund #garrett hedlund fic #garrett hedlund fanfic #my writing

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artificialqueens · 5 years ago

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Secret Hearts (Ninex) - Crazy4Kameron

Hey! So I totally meant for this to be part of the Valentine’s day challenge posted by @writethehousedown and life just got in the way. Than this story just wasn’t going the way I wanted it to, and I really wanted this adorable useless lesbians to get the love they deserved. Thank you so much to Mistress and opalescent-cheetah for all of the help editing this. Also veronicasanders for all of the amazing suggestions that helped make this story what it turned into. Hope you enjoy please leave me a kudos or comment.

Why she had let Brooke talk her into this was beyond her. Nina loved her best friend and was willing to do almost anything for her, but sitting and watching ice skating in a freezing cold arena for the next few hours was not top of the list. She would much rather have stayed home with a nice cup of tea and watched reruns of Murder, She Wrote with her dogs.

Out of boredom, Nina offered to go to the concession stand for them, and it was then that she first noticed the new security guard. Her gorgeous dark skin and brilliant, sparkling white smile popped against the blue of her uniform. I wonder when she started working here, cause I don’t remember seeing her before, and I would definitely have remembered her. Maybe Brooke knows who she is, I’ll have to ask her when I get back. Nina thought, unable to move her gaze from the gorgeous woman.

“Hey, was the line bad?” Brooke asked, moving her legs to the side so that Nina could squeeze past.

“It wasn’t that bad, but on my way out I noticed this new security guard. Do you know who she is?” Nina asked.

Brooke gave her a blank look. “There are a lot of security guards here, Nina, so you might want to be more specific…”

Oh. Of course. Nina flushed pink. ”Well she’s about this tall,” Nina said, putting her hand up to her chest to show Brooke. “She has the most beautiful shade of chocolate brown hair, and her eyes are this gorgeous sparkling hazel colour. Her smile is the most perfect thing that I have ever seen.”

Brooke laughed. “Sounds like someone’s got a bit of a crush…."

“What? What are you talking about? I was just giving you a description of her like you asked.” Nina stated while trying to hide the colour now running up her face.

“Well it sounds like you’re describing Monet, Asia’s roommate. Vanjie told me she started here like two weeks ago. You should totally go and talk to her.” The blonde encouraged.

“Oh, I don’t know. You know I can’t talk to girls I like, plus I’m sure she has a boyfriend or whatever. I mean, how could she not?”

Brooke pulled out her phone and quickly began to text someone. Within a few seconds her phone dinged with a response. “She’s single and gay, You’re welcome. Now go talk to her.”

A mixture of joy and fear ran through Nina’s body.

"But I– what would I even say? I can’t just walk up there like, ‘Hey, you’re hot, let’s date’, that would just be weird.”

’'Oh my god. You are hopeless, Nina West.” Brooke rolled her eyes affectionately.

“Hey! You were the same when you were hardcore crushing on Vanjie,” Nina laughed, elbowing her.

“Was not!” Brooke exclaimed, but her cheeks had flared crimson. “Anyways, I really need the bathroom. Come on.” She grabbed Nina’s arm, tugging her through the crowds.

“Where are we going? I thought you said you needed to use the bathroom and they are in the opposite direction?” Nina asked, confused.

“I know, but I just need to do something first.” Brooke stated, pushing through the crowd and stopping directly in front of Monet.

“Hey! Sorry to bother you, my names Brooke, I’m Vanjie’s girlfriend and I teach juniors ice skating.” Brooke points behind her. “And this is my friend Nina. She works at the daycare attached to the complex. We’re friends of Asia’s and just wanted to introduce ourselves, since you’re new here.“

Monet reached out her hand and Brooke quickly pushed Nina in front of her, making Nina shake Monet’s hand. “Oh well it’s nice to meet you.” Monet was a little baffled by what was going on, and was still trying to be polite.

“It’s–uh–nice to meet you too.” Nina replies, still shaking Monet’s hand, eyes locked on each other, but only for a moment. Nina quickly realizes she’s still holding Monet’s hand and pulls it away, eyes quickly darting behind her to look for Brooke and mouth “I hate you” to her before she disappears into the crowd.

“So do you like working at the complex so far?” Nina asked, trying to figure out anything to say.

“Yeah I mean, it’s a job, but it uh, definitely has its perks.” Monet replied, looking Nina up and down, a smile forming over her lips. Nina could feel the heat begin to rise up the back of her neck and into her face. “So you’re a daycare teacher? How do you like that?”

“OH I love it! I just adore watching all their little faces as they discover and learn new things. I mean obviously it has its downsides, you know, tiny children with sticky fingers can get a little messy at times, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.” Nina glowed from the inside out whenever she spoke about her job and the kids that she taught each day. It really was one of her greatest passions in life. Monet could only chuckle and watch Nina as she suddenly became very animated and talkative.

“Wow, I have never met anyone who loves anything as much as you seem to love those kids.” Monet said. “And that’s saying a lot considering I live with Asia and have to live through her and Kameron being disgustingly in love.”

“Oh, tell me about it. Brooke is my best friend, and I have to deal with her and Vanessa on the regular.” Nina giggled.

“You have a really cute laugh.” Monet said. “I really like your sweater too. It brings out the blue in your eyes.”

The only thing that Nina could think to say was ‘thank you’, then there was a sudden silence that seemed to be deafening. Nina finally cleared her throat and spoke. “I should -uh umm- go find Brooke. She’s my- uh- ride and it’s getting late.”

“Yeah of course. Well it was really nice to meet you, and I hope that maybe we’ll get to see each other around, you know, since we work at the same place and all.” Monet hoped that she hadn’t overstepped any lines or offended Nina in any way.

“I’m sure we’ll see each other again, but it was nice to meet you in the meantime. I hope you have a good night.“ Nina was mentally kicking herself as she turned to walk away. How could she not have complimented Monet back when she was saying all those nice things about her. There were so many things that she could have said and she just blanked and probably ruined her chances. She needed to think of something that she could do to try and win this funny, gorgeous woman over.

***

Asia had just begun her morning tasks to get things ready for her day at the complex when she heard the distinctive swoosh of the doors being opened and wondered who could be here this early in the morning. Turning, she saw a woman who had been visiting her quite a lot recently, a tall blonde with a kind smile, walking towards her.

"Good morning and how can I help you?” Asia chimed in her best customer service voice.

“You know you don’t need to use that voice on me, right?”

“Yeah force of habit, sorry.” Asia shrugged her shoulders sighing,and with her next intake of breath put a smile on her face. “So what are you doing here so early, doll?” Asia asked, curiosity laced through her voice.

“I just thought that I would come to say hello, and see how you’re doing this morning. See if you need anything?” The blonde smiled, but Asia had a hunch that the other girls’ intentions weren’t as innocent as she made them out to be.

“Is that really why you came to work this early in the morning? Are you sure, Nina?” Asia smiled and sat on her chair, turning her computer on for the day. “Are you sure it has nothing to do with a certain bright-eyed, dark-haired security guard, who also happens to be my roommate?” Asia pressed, smiling up at Nina, whose cheeks she could see flared crimson, and she found herself wishing that Nina wasn’t such a wuss about her crush. Asia knew that despite Monet’s outward confidence, she was secretly insecure and that the two of them would get nowhere without her help…and Asia had never asked to be the one caught in the middle of their school girl crush.

Nina let out all the air in her lungs that she hadn’t realized she was holding in till that moment. It was like her body had turned to jelly, all the tension leaving it at once as she flopped forward on the counter, ”Did she like the chocolates?“

"Yes, but I still don’t understand why you didn’t put your name on the card. It would’ve been less weird."

"Having a secret admirer is sweet and exciting and romantic!” defended Nina.

Asia could only shake her head at Nina’s completely unrealistic view of the world. “I know you think life is a Disney movie, but in reality, things like that get taken the wrong way all the time.” Asia scowled. “Do you want Monet to think you like her or want to harvest her kidney?”

“Okay I get it, maybe it’s a little weird not to put my name on it, but what if she doesn’t like me? I’ve never liked anyone this much before.” Nina’s eyes fell to the floor, and she bit her lip as she contemplated whether she should finally be brave and let Monet know how she felt. “Well, I have another gift for her. Do you think Monet would be freaked out if I left her another one? Should I not leave her any more gifts? I don’t want to freak her out, do you think it will freak her out?” she rambled, anxiety getting the best of her over the situation.

“Not if you put your name on it,” Asia said. “And don’t forget to mention why you’re bombarding her with gifts,” she added on, almost as an afterthought, turning her chair to face her computer screen.

Nina flushed. “I wouldn’t call it bombarding.”

“Okay, but that doesn’t change the fact that you should at least sign this one,” Asia countered, looking up from the screen.

“Fine, I’ll write her a note, hand me a piece of paper, but I’m putting the note inside the box.”

“Won’t you have to unwrap that beautiful paper to do that?” Asia raised an eyebrow with skepticism in her eyes,reaching across her desk for a pad of paper.

“Yes but I am an expert gift wrapper and unwrapper. Just hand me the paper, a pen and some tape and leave the rest to me.”

——————–

"Monet! Come here!” Asia yelled from behind the info desk, motioning her over a look of disdain on her face.

Monet bounded over at the sound of Asia’s voice. “Why the hell are you yelling at me so early in the day?” Monet asked happily, all hopped up on her morning coffee, lifting her hand to reveal a steaming paper cup in her hand..

“A. calm down and give me that sweet steaming nectar of the Gods now,” Asia stated, reaching for the cup in Monet’s hand, “B. there was another gift left for you on the desk this morning.” Asia pointed to a small box wrapped beautifully with red paper that had tiny little pink hearts all over it. This instantly shifted Monet’s focus, as she reached over the counter to inspect the box that looked like it had been carefully wrapped, but there was no tag to say who had left it.

"So are you going to open it or just stare at it till you get x-ray vision?” Asia asked sarcastically before sipping her coffee.

“I’m admiring the beautiful paper, thank you,” Monet spat back, “now if you don’t mind, why don’t you go do some work or text your girlfriend, so I can open my gift in private.” Monet shooed Asia away with her hand, turning her back to her roommate.

Asia pouted but took a few steps back, still craning her neck to try and get a better view before going to help someone at the other end of the counter. Just then Vanjie and Kameron came walking in, arms linked, laughing about something. They dropped their gym bags on the floor, as they had not made it to the gym to start their day yet.

"Hello, my goddess,” Asia began walking back over after helping her customer. “And what, might I ask, is so funny?” Asia leaned over the counter to give Kameron a kiss. The redhead melted into her attention for a little longer than necessary.

“Vanjie was just telling me a story about a weird client that she had last week.” Kameron blushed as Asia pushed a loose piece of hair behind her ear, stroking her thumb across her cheek and staring lovingly into her eyes.

Monet rolled her eyes, smiling to herself at their public display of affection, but really she was jealous. She wished that she could find some to love as much as Asia loved Kameron. Monet was truly delighted that her friend had found someone that made her so happy. She could only pray that one day she would find a girl like that. Perhaps this secret admirer was that girl… if it even was a girl. She hoped that maybe one day she could see that beautiful friend of Brooke’s again. The one she met the night of the skating show, but she knew better than to let her hopes get too high.

“What ya got there, Monet?” Vanjie asked, curiously eyeing up the little box in her hand.

“Oh, she got another present from her secret admirer,” Asia cooed.

“Another one? Wow, whoever it is must really like you, you lucky girl.” Kameron playfully shoved Monet’s shoulder.

Before Monet even had a chance to open the present, a tall blonde with short curly hair, rosy cheeks and what seemed to be a permanent smile came round the corner. Monet couldn’t believe her eyes; it was Nina, the girl from that night, the one that she couldn’t get out of her head. She was followed very closely by a group of small children in a not quite straight line. It was like Monet was seeing an angel - Nina was as beautiful as she remembered.

Did God hear my prayers? Monet thought, unable to tear her eyes away, as she watched them approach the front desk. Nina stopped the small parade of children and turned to face them.

“Class, it’s time to quiet down now please.” The blonde put her pointer finger to her lips. The children instantly quieted down, pressing fingers to their own shut lips, mimicking their teacher. “Hello, ladies. How are you on this wonderful day?” The blonde asked, turning to face the other girls, all the while keeping an eye on the kids.

“I’d be better if I was spending it with my girl instead of teaching a spin class full of sweaty old grandmas.” Vanjie chimed in before going back to looking at her phone.

“Ignore her, how’s your day going so far?”Asia smiled, putting her hand on the blonde’s arm.

“Oh, can’t complain, just wish I had someone special to go home too.” She blushed, looking at the others, eyes lingering just a little longer on Monet. To Nina’s chagrin, the security guard didn’t seem to notice. Asia clearly did, though.

She raised her voice the littlest bit, projecting so Monet would be sure to hear and take note. “Let me tell you, that if someone as antisocial as I am was able to find someone willing to put up with me,” Asia said, tickling Kameron’s side. Kameron jerked away before slapping her shoulder and wrapping her in a tight hug. “So can you, Nina. I know I’ve told you this before, but you just need to put yourself out there a little more.”

“I know Asia, I just hate being single.” Nina frowned.

Thank you, Lord, she’s single. I don’t know how I got this lucky, but thank you Lord for letting this precious angel walk into my life. Nina is the perfect name for an angel like her. I love the way that her eyes sparkle when she laughs, how her hair falls in curls around her shoulders and look at the way they bounce when she turns her head. Look how good she is with the kids, they all love her, but how could they not. You can see the kindness in her eyes, as she talks to them, I don’t know how she does it. I could never be so patient with that many screaming kids, but she’s amazing.

“Well, I was just wondering if the kids could hang up some Valentine’s Day hearts that we made. I know that it would make them really happy.” Nina asked, looking back at the kids who were still all standing in something resembling a line, holding giant red and pink hearts decorated with glue and glitter.

“Yeah, I don’t see why not. I mean, you can just tape them up over there.” Asia pointed over to the empty space on the far wall, and Nina turned her head to look.

Monet couldn’t take her eyes off Nina.

“Thanks, Asia! Come on kids, we can put our hearts up on that wall. Now I want you to all walk over there without running anyone over, and wait for me to help you put them up. Please stay together.” There was a chorus of happy little voices as the children began to scream and run in all directions.

God, could Nina’s smile get any more perfect?

“Hey Monet, are you alright?” Kameron asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine why?” Monet asked, a little dazed.

“Cause you drooling girl,” Vanjie stated looking up from her phone to finally engage in the conversation, “You might want to stop staring so hard and wipe your mouth.” She whispered leaning closer to her friend.

“Ah, shit!” Monet quickly wiped at the sides of her mouth, drying the drool that had indeed begun to dribble out. “Thanks, girl, that could have been embarrassing.”

“So you likin’ Miss Nina over there?” Vanjie wiggled her eyebrows, a knowing smirk growing on her face.

“I mean, she’s pretty cute, but I have a secret admirer and all.” Monet tried to look unaffected by this statement like she didn’t want to just run over there and ask Nina out. Monet could tell by the looks of disbelief that her friends gave each other that they weren’t convinced.

“But, like, what if my secret admirer is smokin’ hot… You guys aren’t buying this are you?” Monet already knew the answer before Vanjie and Kameron could shake their heads no.

“Girl, just go talk to her,” Kameron said. “I’m pretty sure I saw her staring at you too earlier.”

Asia elbowed Kam in the ribs before giving her a quick warning glance.

“What do I even say to her?” Monet inquired, feeling like she was about to meet her favourite celebrity, not go and talk to a cute girl. Monet was normally good at talking to girls, always able to turn on the charm when needed. This was a new feeling, she had never liked anyone this much before, had never feared rejection like this, never felt at a loss for words.

“Ask her if she needs any help putting the kids’ decorations up?” Kameron suggested, ”Then just try and make small talk.”

“Here.” Asia handed Monet a roll of tape. ”Go ask her if she needs any more tape. It’s the perfect ice breaker.”

“Thank you so much, Asia. You are truly a lifesaver.” Monet grabbed the tape, took a deep breath and headed off towards Nina and the kids.

“Jose please don’t push, wait your turn, I’ll be there to help you in a minute.” Nina sighed as she pressed a tape loop to another child’s heart and directed them to the wall.

“Sorry, Miss Nina!” the little boy shouted, stepping back to wait his turn.

“You looked like you could use some help over here. I brought some more tape.” Holding up said tape as evidence, Monet approached Nina slowly and with a smile, so as not to scare her.

Nina looked up, smiling. “That would be great thanks."

The two smiled at each other, but only for a moment before a scream could be heard from the children. Quickly turning to see what had caused the commotion, they were met with the sight of three of the kids fighting over a spot on the wall where they wanted to put their hearts.

"You can’t tell us what to do Antwan!” demanded a girl with brown pigtails.

“Yeah! We can put our hearts wherever we want!"shouted another girl.

"Adelaide, Catherine, Antwan, please come here,” Nina asked with a stern yet soft voice before turning to Monet. “Do you mind keeping an eye on the others while I sort this out?"

Monet shook her head and Nina grabbed her arm, thanking her before taking the other three children off to figure out their disagreement.

"So who still needs some tape for their heart?” Monet was met with an eager audience of hands and jumping children.

“Me! Me! Me!” was all that could be heard in the front lobby. Monet looked back to her friends with a terrified look on her face before she mouthed the word ‘help’.

“So… do we go help her or just let her suffer for a bit?” Vanjie asked.

“I mean, it is kinda funny to watch, but we can’t just leave her to be eaten alive,” Kameron responded, pulling away from Asia to go help Monet out of her current predicament. The other two girls followed closely behind Kameron.

“Okay guys, you need to use your indoor voices now,” Asia said, copying Nina’s earlier actions she put her finger to her lips. The kids were less obliged to take orders from someone who wasn’t Nina, but they calmed themselves. Once everyone was (relatively) quiet, Asia looked at Monet and nodded as a signal that now it was her turn to give the orders.

“Alright everyone, we’re going to play a little game, okay? So I want you all to get in a line and I’m going to put tape on the back of all your hearts. Then Kameron and Vanjie are going to decide who’s standing the quietest and stillest and help them go put their heart on the wall.” Monet spoke as soft and gentle as she could.

The kids began forming a line. Monet leaned over to her friends to whisper, “Does anyone know how many there are supposed to be?” Her friends looked at each other, shrugging their shoulders and shaking their heads no.

Monet began to rip off tape and make loops to stick on the back of the preschoolers’ hearts when she noticed a little boy three from the front crying.Crouching next to the little boy, she asked him why he was crying and he showed her that he had ripped his heart. “We can fix that. You want to know how?”

The little boy nodded his head, wiping at his tears.

“Well, what’s your name sweetheart?” Monet asked gently, holding her hand out and waiting for the boy to take it.

“An-Andrew.” he sniffled out.

“Well Andrew, you see this tape here? It’s magic, and it can fix a broken heart just like yours. Do you want to see it?” the little boy nodded his head and took Monet’s hand that she was still holding out. She guided him to a small table near where they were standing and he put the heart down.

Nina had finished talking to the youngsters that had been arguing and had sent them off to go get back in line and wait for their turn. Nina was standing back, watching in awe at the young woman taking so much care and being so tender with her student. The sight made her heart skip a beat and a warm fuzzy feeling took over her body. She decided that she wanted to see how Monet handled her students and stood to the side for a few moments longer than needed.

Monet had Andrew close his eyes as she placed the tape on the rip in his heart. Making sure the tear was invisible, she then had him repeat some magic words before letting him open them to see his art project fixed as good as new. His face lit up with joy and he squeaked with happiness.

“Thank you!!!” he said before running back over to get back in line and wait his turn again.

Vanjie was helping the little rugrats find the best place to put their hearts so everyone would see them, and Asia was making sure that they stayed quiet and in line. The kids seemed fascinated by all of Kameron’s tattoos and muscles that they got an up-close look at as she knelt in front of them to help put tape on their hearts.

Nina was watching how good all of the girls were doing with the kids; she mentally checked the children off her list as she went, when she realized that one outspoken blonde girl was missing.

Nina began scanning the lobby to see where the little girl could have gotten to, and noticed her over by the front desk, going through what looked to be one of their purses. Nina immediately walked over to where the girl was, crouching down next to her, and was met with the sight of her applying lipstick to her face. The girl instantly stopped the second she realized that she had been caught, handing the lipstick over to Nina, who picked the pursed up off the floor.

“Hey Vanj, isn’t this yours?” Nina asked, holding the purse up in the air.

“What?” Vanjie looked over to where Nina saw standing and noticed the tiny culprit whose face was covered in her lipstick. “Oh FUCK NO!” Vanjie yelled as she took off to gather her things.

All the kids clapped their hands on their mouths in shock, “OOOOOH, YOU SAID F—”

“Vanjie! Language!” Monet yelled before the children could finish repeating the word. “Don’t repeat what she just said, it’s a bad word, kids.”

“Is that my Fenty lipstick!?” Vanjie exclaimed, taking the lipstick back from Nina, then reaching into her gym bag for her makeup wipes to try and clean the girl’s lips and face. ”Didn’t your mama teach you not to touch what ain’t yours?” Vanjie asked, the girl shaking her head, partly to answer the question and partly to stop Vanjie from wiping at her face.

“ You never take someone else’s stuff without asking. Specially they Fenty lipstick. You stick with Tia Vanj, and I’ll teach you bout the good things in life.”

"Vanjie, we want these kids to grow up to be respectable members of society,” Asia said while trying to make sure that everything was still where it belonged in the lobby and that the kids hadn’t broken anything or run any of the other patrons in the lobby over. “Plus I’m sure Nina can handle punishments.”

“You tryin to say I’m not a respectable member of society, mami?” Vanjie questioned, hands on her hip, head cocked to the side in offense, slightly taken aback by the statement.

“What I’m saying is that you have a way of getting around the rules, which isn’t something that these kids need to learn,” Asia retorted. “I know that your mama taught you manners, that’s the truth. What she didn’t teach you was volume control.”

“I don’t have to take this. I have a class to teach and a hot girlfriend to go see!!” Vanjie yelled.

“Vanjie, before you go I think there’s something that Samantha needs to say to you, isn’t there?” Nina spoke with a firm yet gentle tone, letting the girl know that what she had done was wrong, but Nina wasn’t mad at her.

“Yes, Miss Nina.” The girl’s cheeks burned with shame, and also anger that she’d been caught and lectured. “I’m sorry I took your stuff without asking,” Samantha sniffled out, almost in tears. Vanjie walked over to the small girl and gave her a hug.

“It’s okay little mama, just don’t do it again."

The tiny blonde nodded her head and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. Vanjie stood and gave her friends an angry glare before grabbing her things again and stomping away.

"Awww Vanjie! I’ll see you later?” Kameron yelled after her.

“Only if you have a peanut butter and chocolate shake!!” Vanjie shouted over her shoulder.

“Hey! I thought that was a morning thing! Plus I didn’t even do anything.” Kameron threw her arms up.

“No, but your girl did! So now I want a peanut butter chocolate shake.” Vanjie pouted.

Nina walked over to where Monet was standing, shaking her head in the direction Vanjie left in. She motioned in the direction of the other kids. “You’re really good with them.”

“Well I mean they’re good kids, I just hope my friend didn’t traumatize them.”

Nina laughed at her joke, and Monet felt a tiny sensation of relaxation wash over her body.

”But for real though, how could they not be good kids with a teacher like you.” Monet felt brave and bumped Nina’s shoulder with hers.

Nina’s laughter quickly turned to a bashful giggle, and her heart skipped a beat.

The well-behaved kids seemed to be at their limits, as some of them were laying on the floor, others chasing each other in circles playing tag, nearly running into other patrons on their way to other activities in the Complex.

As Nina was trying to calm the kids down a little, she noticed Monet walking closer, and could feel her body begin to tense up. Oh my goodness, she’s coming over here. How can she be so beautiful and so good with the kids? She’s so funny, I’m not that funny and I have no idea what to say to her. It’s like whenever she gets close to me I forget how to speak. I hope she doesn’t think I’m a total weirdo or a rambling idiot. God I hope I look good right now. There aren’t any stains on this dress are there?

“I think it’s really sweet of you, to ask Asia if the kids can display their artwork in the lobby for everyone to see.” Monet stepped closer to Nina. “You seem to have some real little Picassos on your hands here. Especially that little purple-haired boy. He really seems to be on a level all his own.”

“Oh that’s Salem, they’re such a sweetheart and so good with the other kids. They’re always trying to help out the younger ones so that they feel included during playtime.” Nina began to almost glow while gushing over her kids and how amazing they were. Monet found this very endearing and wanted to know what other wonderful traits this woman had that made her so perfect.

“That’s very cool, their parents don’t force them into a box. And I love that they let them use hair chalk.” Monet smiled.

The children were starting to become louder and harder to control, and Nina knew that this wasn’t going to last much longer. As much as she wanted to stand here and talk to Monet all day, she knew that her kids needed to come first.

“Class! Class! Please quiet down. Jose, please pay attention, eyes front, thank you. Now I know you all really want to put your hearts up, but we need to be a little quicker because Miss Peppermint will be here today, for storytime.”

The children began to excitedly jump up and down and scream at this announcement.

“Children!” Nina waited for quiet again. “Okay so now I want you all to quickly go stand by the wall and find somewhere for your heart and wait for Monet or myself to come to help you tape it up. No pushing, and if you’ve already put yours up, please calmly go stand over by Asia and Kameron and wait.”

There was a sudden stampede of tiny legs in all directions as they all seemed to rush towards their desired destination, seeing who could get there the fastest or who could reach up the wall the highest.

Once all of the excitement had died down and all of the hearts were finally up on the wall, Monet finally got a chance to talk to Nina alone for a few moments.

“You know, you got yourself a really fun little class, Miss Nina. I may have to come and visit from time to time.” Monet reached out to touch Nina’s arm, and Nina visibly shivered.

“That would be nice,” Nina breathed out, trying to compose herself in front of the children.

“Yeah, it would be.“ Monet looked into Nina’s blue eyes and was suddenly stripped of all previous thoughts. All she could think about was the beautiful blonde in front of her. Neither of them was able to look away, lost in the moment, till suddenly there was a chorus of, “EWWW, GROSS!” Snapping back to reality, they noticed that they were now surrounded by tiny faces all staring at them.

There were a few moments of silence while Nina tried to think about what she should do, all of the children still looking at her for further instructions. That was when she noticed that two of the kids were playing near the stairs, spinning in circles and seeing who could still walk a straight line.

“Is something wrong?” Monet asked, concern in her voice, her brows scrunching together as she began to look around too.

“I just need to stop the kids from playing near the stairs.” Nina smiled at Monet to thank her for her concern, as she walked over to where the kids were playing.

“Kevin and Ashleigh stop spinning like that near the stairs, before someone gets hurt!” Nina shouted. But it was too late. Ashleigh had spun around a little too quickly and slipped on her own feet, falling straight on her face. That’s when the deafening cry could be heard throughout the complex and Nina instantly went into mother bear mode.

It was nothing that she hadn’t had to deal with in the past, she was the teacher of a group of rambunctious preschoolers after all. She quickly walked over to where Ashleigh was now laying on the floor crying, and checked to see if there was any blood.

Monet instantly ran over behind the front desk and grabbed the first aid kit and brought it over to where Nina was sitting on the floor with the little girl, assessing the damage. Nina looked worried as she scanned the girl’s body, for any visible injuries and then began to ask her if anything hurt and if so, where?

Monet crouched down beside them and put her hand on the lower part of Nina’s back, to try and help keep her calm and because she just really wanted to be close in case there was anything that she could do. She hoped that the physical touch would help reassure Nina and let her know that she was there if she needed anything.

“How is she?” Monet asked “I brought the first aid kit, just to be safe.”

“Thank you. I don’t see any blood, I think it’s just a bump on the head and a few scrapes.” Nina stated.” Do you mind finishing up with her, while I go check on the rest of the kids?”

“No, not at all. We’ll get you fixed up right as rain, won’t we sweetheart?” Monet tried to smile at the little girl, but she was still sobbing too hard to respond.

When Nina came back over after making sure that the rest of her class was okay and hadn’t killed Asia and Kameron yet, she saw Monet sitting on the stairs, Ashleigh beside her all smiles and giggles like nothing had happened.

Standing back up, Nina hugged Monet tightly, winding her arms around her neck. Monet wrapped her arms around Nina’s waist and when she tried to pull away realized that Nina had not yet let go. This seemed to be a little long for just a friendly thank-you hug, but Monet only chalked it up to Nina’s relief to Ashleigh being all right.

”Thank you so much! I don’t know what you said or did to make her smile like that after getting hurt but you are a miracle worker,” Nina said, breath warm against Monet’s ear.

“It was really nothing.” Monet swallowed, her mouth suddenly going dry from their close proximity. She could now tell how good the blonde’s curls smelled and it made her want to run her fingers through them. If she could ever take her hands off of Nina’s perfect waist.

Finally, the two pulled apart, smiling at each other, fixing their clothes just for something to do with their hands.

“Well, I should uumm, you know, get my class back to our room before Peppermint shows up and wonders where we are.” Nina knew she was stumbling over her words, but this gorgeous woman before her just had this effect on her.

“Yeah well, you wouldn’t want her to think the whole class went missing or anything.” Monet laughed nervously, scratching the back of her head.

Finally, the awkwardness between the two was broken when Asia called over. “If you two are done talking, I really think these kids need a snack or something. And to get out of my lobby, before anything gets broken or stolen.”

“Of course. Everyone say ‘thank you’ to Asia for letting us put up our artwork, and get into line with your hands on your hips. I want to see a line of little butterflies.”

“Thank you Asia!” echoed through the lobby, making everyone giggle and wave at the line of tiny butterflies.

“So Monet.” Asia turned to look at her friend. “Did you ever get a chance to open that gift you got this morning?”

“No not yet, but I’ll open it later.” Monet had better things to do at the moment than worry about a present from someone with no name.

“Oh, you’re really not going to open it now? Maybe the person left a note inside the box with their name on it and you can find out who it’s from.” Nina’s sombre tone was such a contrast to her earlier perky demeanour. The look in her eyes alone made Monet want to open the gift instantly just to make her happy.

“Why don’t you just open it now, before you forget,” Asia chimed in, trying to put Monet in the right direction, plus she was also curious to see what was in the box.

“Okay, why is everyone so concerned with my gift?” Monet marvelled.

Nina knew that she had to get the kids back and couldn’t wait any longer no matter how badly she wanted to see Monet open the gift.

“No reason.” She walked to the front of the line. ”Come on kids, it’s snack time and then Miss Peppermint will be here for storytime.”

Asia walked over to the counter, grabbing the small slender box before she handed it to Monet.

”Open the damn box,” she demanded.

Monet looked at the perfectly wrapped box, someone had definitely taken time and care while wrapping it. After carefully pulling the paper off, Monet lifted the lid to find a perfectly folded note, sitting on top of two pins. The first pin was a limited edition Storm pin that Monet had been looking for, for what seemed like forever, to add to her collection.The second was the sweetest Mary Poppins pin Monet had ever seen.

Gently lifting the note out of the box, Monet unfolded the perfectly folded piece of paper, to find that it was written on a piece of stationery that came from the complex.

Monet quickly read the note, then quickly read it again to make sure that she had read it right the first time.

Wait no way. This can’t be right. But the name is right there. I can’t believe this.

A smile spread across Monet’s face as she gently picked up the Mary Poppin pin and pinned it to her collar.

"Hey, Nina!” Monet yelled. “How does Saturday at 7 sound?"

"Perfect.” Nina’s smile was so wide that you could see the joy radiating from her face. Her step was just a little lighter than before and her heart was fluttering like a hummingbird. She couldn’t wait for Saturday.

#rpdr fanfiction #monet x change #nina west #ninex #asia o'hara #kameron michaels #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #lesbian au #fluff #humor #useless lesbians #secret admirer #crazy4kameron

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heweightlossjourney · 4 years ago

Text

Introductions

**PRO ANA, PRO MIA, AND THINSPO ACCOUNTS DO NOT INTERACT**

Hello to anyone reading this. I’m H and I’ve started this sideblog to document my weight loss and keep myself accountable. Let me start with a little backstory:

I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. I’ve never been super active, though I was on a couple sports teams at various points throughout my school life. I always overate as a kid and I still do it now. Eating has been a coping mechanism for me my entire life, and I would say that I am addicted to food.

I have generally been okay being heavy, but bullying is a bitch and I know that other people’s perception of me affected me and made me a nasty bitch in middle school and high school. I wasn’t in a place to understand why I acted out until I was able to distance myself from my long term abusive boyfriend and my dad stopped drinking and got out of his abusive/toxic situation. Now, I understand the effects that the trauma in my life has had on me and I’m calmer and more level-headed, so I am in a good place to start working on my physical health in conjunction with my mental health.

I know that my self-image right now isn��t healthy, and I am aiming to love my body. I am trying hard not to think of the things I might want after this, like skin removal surgery and breast reshaping, but it is hard not to imagine myself with a little sprucing up. While I don’t want to scrutinize over every flaw I have, I think the best way I can motivate myself to keep it up is taking note of my body and how I perceive certain areas, so I will update this with my reflection on how my body looks every so often.

Over the time I have been not working because of COVID-19, I have gained weight, but I have also started keeping up with infamous obese youtubers like Amberlynn Reid and Foodie Beauty, and watching channels like Charlie Gold and Petty Kitten react to them. I would be lying if I said that it wasn’t a kick in the ass to not become as big as them, but also a motivator knowing that I will never be like that, I won’t allow myself to be like them, and that I am a better person than they are. I know that thinking like that is mean and cruel, but I am here to lose weight, not monetize my addiction and appeal to feeders while maintaining an attitude of entitlement and oblivion.

While we are at it, let me just name a few of my rock bottom moments:

- my abusive ex boyfriend calling me “Whaley”

- being too heavy to ride horses

- being too big for a ride at the fair and having to get off it in front of a ton of people in public

- my brother swiping the back of m head like a debit machine

- my ability to polish of a lot of food in one go

- my lack of stamina standing, walking, exercising, being on top during sex

- crushing my boyfriend when I lay on him

- being too big to fit into 3x clothing on websites like dollskill that actually sell some interesting clothing for bigger ladies

Without too much more delay, let’s get into the facts:

Age: 18

Height: 5′11

Starting Weight: 333 pounds

Current Weight: 329 pounds

Total Loss: 4 pounds

BMI: 45.9

BMI Goal: 25

Current Goal: 300 pounds by day 30

Day: 4

Health Concerns: Morbid Obesity, PCOS and Insulin Resistance, Lactose Intolerance, Depression, Anxiety, Food Addiction.

Diet Plan: OMAD (one meal a day) and intermittent fasting.

The diet I have chosen to follow, OMAD, is one of many different diets I have tried over the course of my life. I have tried keto, I have tried vegetarianism, I have tried slimfast. The reason I have chosen this particular diet this time is because of the freedom to eat pretty much anything within the hour I set aside for myself to eat each day. It’s hard to fuck yourself up too much in an hour. After having done the diet for a few days, here is what I have noticed about it:

- I get hangry

- I am somewhat nocturnal and often sleep from 6am - 2pm, and it makes it so much easier

- The boost in energy after my feels like I am on top of the world, and the naps while digesting fuckin rock, sleepy is a good feeling when you have time set aside for it

- It is a lot of mental will power to look at my favourite foods and say no

- It is a lot of mental will power not to cram 3 meals into an hour

- It is hard to pick what I want for dinner

- Cravings hit hard

- Black Coffee is nasty

- It is easier not to consume dairy with OMAD, and not have diarrhea everyday is nice.

There are some things I have noted as well, like eating dairy at all is a big mistake. It is unpleasant to only feel full for a short period of time before violently emptying the contents of my digestive tract. The effects of lactose has on my body go so much quicker when it is the only thing I have in my body at the time. Lactaid is very hit and miss for me, and by the way the chewable tablets are actually the devil incarnate and I hate them. I have tasted vanilla in my life and that isn’t it.

I chose this diet because my boyfriend does fasting as his preferred diet method, and while I wish I could fast all day, my job requires me to have energy and I am not a happy hungry lady. I intend to do OMAD long term, but may change it up slightly if I start to struggle when I get back to work.

It should also be noted that I seriously do not recommend this diet to anyone who struggles with disordered eating (me), depression (me), anxiety (me), obesity (me), anyone who has an affliction that would make it safer for them to consume more than one meal a day (me), and people who have medications they need to take with food (me). This diet is not recommended by doctors for long term weight loss, my endocrinologist was frankly a bit shocked when I told her, and it can cause a host of problems included but not limited to:

- triggering of eating disorders

- lack of protein

- excess of carbs

- diarrhea (thanks, really needed more of that)

- nausea

- dizziness

- weakness

- extreme fatigue

So let me go ahead here and describe a little bit about my health issues, namely my PCOS, or polycystic ovarian syndrome. PCOS is a hormonal disorder. It can cause increased levels of androgen in the body, increased hair, insulin resistance, excessive hair growth, male pattern baldness, weight gain, irregular periods, fertility problems, increase risk of developing type 2 diabetes, increase risk of high blood pressure and high cholesterol, acne and oily skin, depression, and sleep apnea, as well as increase the risk for endometrial cancers, and obviously, cause ovarian cysts. This disorder can be passed from mother to daughter, and I got it from my mom. I have been suffering with this for years.

The biggest effects on my body have been my weight, my depression, irregular periods and cysts. I currently have an IUD in place to help with the symptoms, but my periods are not even close to regular and are often brown in colour. Before hormonal birth control, I would have 2-3 periods per year that lasted about a month at a time. These periods were heavy and excruciatingly painful, and the clots I birthed were like jellyfish. I often lost enough blood to become anemic.

It should be noted that my PCOS has caused me to be resistant to insulin, and that can make it hard to lose weight and also cause some brown discolouration on the skin, which I have had on my chest and neck. I remember my mom used to scrub at my neck thinking it was dirty when my neck first started becoming discoloured.

I had my IUD placed in December of 2018, and the follow up ultrasound revealed a cyst on my right ovary that was 21cm x 21cm which required surgery. Due to that, a traumatic situation and my vegetarianism, I lost 30 pounds by March of 2019.

I have also struggled most of my life with depression and anxiety and used food to cope. I am currently on medication for that. I also take Metformin to help with the effects of the PCOS.

Here I will give a short description on the areas of my body that bother me and what I would like to see improve. I will try to be objective about what I don’t like and I will be honest about the reasons I would like to improve. I will say now that many of these reasons are cosmetic and not necessarily health related.

Inner thighs: While my legs are one of my favourite parts of my body and are in general strong and shapely, my inner thighs have a pocket of fat near my pubic mound, and I can see it when I stand up or I can see it in the mirror from behind when I bend over. I am self conscious about this because I don’t like the way it looks/hangs, and it makes it hard to be present and immersed when I am having sex or see myself as attractive if I take a picture for my boyfriend. The goal for this area is to have less hang so I can feel more relaxed during sex and any time I bend over. I also don’t particularly enjoy the thigh holes in my jeans, or that I have trouble with any sort of thigh high sock rolling.

Pubic mound: I’m not even gonna bullshit here: I just want a normal looking vulva. That’s it. I want it to be easier to access my clit, I don’t want such a prominent camel toe when I wear pants, I’d like it to be easier for my boyfriend to go down on me. I have a nice inner vulva and I want the exterior to match. I also find it hard to shave the areas between my mound and my thigh, as holding it open is not easy. That groin area is also prone to skin yeast infections and pimples and blackheads, and while I admit that they are fun to pop, it would be nice if I did not have to deal with it.

My stomach: My stomach hangs. Underneath of it is prone to those same pimples and skin yeast infections (canesten is really helpful for tinea cruris, by the way. Yeast infections are yeast infections.) and while I get some sick pops for r/popping, it isn’t attractive. My stomach is hairy and while that isn’t really totally weight related, it also isn’t cute. My belly button is often very hidden, and it would be nice to get down to a size that I could get it pierced like my mom has. The rolls of my stomach get pimples and the red marks from sitting all day are not cute and can get painful. I have the muffin top when I wear jeans, and while the look of my stomach in jeans is less than sexy, it actually doesn’t bother me all that much.I have trouble keeping up panties that are both too tight or too loose, and tights are always rolling down. If it doesn’t hit just above my waist while still being slightly tight, it isn’t even worth trying to wear at all. All my jeans and leggings are high-waisted, and a lot of them roll when I sit or bend over. As a nanny, that is a really big inconvenience, and I would like to be able to exist for an hour without having to pull up my goddamn pants/leggings/underwear/tights. God forbid I put on a garter belt. Clothes that are flattering are hard for find for obese women. I just want to wear pretty clothes and feel like a person. When I sit with my knees up, my stomach is Very Present, and I can feel it against my thighs and trying to press through the gap in the middle. It would be nice to not feel that way, and I hope that I can achieve a stomach that does not hang.

Rolls under breasts: These are real sons of bitches. Hot, hairy, red, pimply. The heat rash is real. About half to 3/4 the size of my actual breasts. They make finding a comfortable bra difficult, and I would be really happy if they got even half the size they are now.

Breasts: I don’t necessarily have a weight issue with my tibblies, but they are underdeveloped underneath and I don’t really like the shape of them so much. I am on the waiting list to see a plastic surgeon about my options. There are certain things about my chest that I don’t like that are the fault of obesity however, like the dark marks on my chest because of resistance to insulin, but I will get more into that in a bit. I also don’t love boobne, but hey, acne, amirite ladies?

My chin/neck situation: My ‘waddle’, as I so hatefully refer to it, is my least favourite part of my body. This makes me so upset. I think this is the only part of my body that I truly genuinely hate. If I could duct tape it back so I could look normal, I would. I often look at plus size and fat and obese women and think why do they have chins and necks that are ‘normal’ but not me? (spoilers: the answer is morbid obesity.) I would like to be able to wear a choker comfortably and without it being hidden by my neck. It is very hard to pop waddle pimples. I do have the insulin marks on my neck, and a dowager’s hump, which makes me feel weird if I look at it too long. I don’t like when it sticks out of my clothing, and it feels odd to look at it with a necklace on, or a choker or collar or anything like that.

My back rolls: You hate to see it, and it makes finding a bra in my size a pain. It is hard to hide them, and anything that is fitted to the boobs and then flares can exaggerate the look of them. I don’t look at them too often so it doesn’t always bother me, but they can be a pain with certain clothes. It also makes some clothes tight and restricting in a way they normally wouldn’t, like dresses or shirts that zip. Highly unpleasant, and I would like to have smoother back for cosmetic reasons.

The back of my head: I shave the underneath of my head. I’ve had my entire head shaven before, I’ve had just the sides shaven. It would be nice to get to a place where there wasn’t a roll at the back of my head. It would also be nice if my brother hadn’t swiped a card through it, but only one of those things is achievable.

My arms: I have pretty strong arms, my job requires lifting and I’ve never shied away from taking all the groceries in one trip. My arms are large but not huge. I would be happy with a little reduction in the ‘wing’ area and I would like to see my upper arms a little more streamlined when fully extended. I genuinely do have big bones, but it would be nice to be able to wear my bracelets more comfortably.

My hands: For the longest time I have been upset about the idea of ‘fat people hands’. I don’t have huge fingers, but it would be nice to fit rings on a little easier. I have large hands, because I am a tall woman, but not really fat or chubby hands like one might think of when thinking of fat people hands. My knuckles are fairly well defined, though they have dimples when my hands are flat, and have had since I was little. I think they are cute to be honest. I do not have discolouration on my fingers or knuckles.

My face: I don’t have a ton of fat on my cheeks actually. I do have a round face, but I have dimple-like indentations under my cheekbones that clearly define them. It would be nice to be a slightly slimmer face and defined jawline - any attempt at a contour is just awful. I would like to have a less prominent chin and cheeks.

So let’s talk for a bit about long term goals. I am trying to set goals for myself in chunks. I know that aiming to lose 100 pounds the first go around is highly unlikely to get me any sort of success and I know that breaking it up into smaller bits is less overwhelming and more motivating. I am seriously trying to be careful about rewarding myself with any kind of food.

Realistically, I would like to see myself get into the ‘normal’ BMI range by this time next year. I also know that to do that, I would need to lose around 170 pounds. With OMAD, you can expect to lose between half a pound and one pound a day. I do not see myself losing 170 pounds in 170 days. I do not think it is healthy to lose that much in under 6 months, and I don’t think my skin would appreciate it either, nor do I think OMAD is sustainable for that long. The idea is to try and hold out with OMAD for about 3 and a half months, and in that time, with upkeep, exercise and discipline, I could lose around 100 pounds, but I think the responsible thing would be to hope for closer to 75 pounds.

I would like to outline my goals here:

Current Goal: 300 pounds - 33 pounds lost - 41.8 BMI

Second Goal: 270 pounds - 63 pounds lost - 37.7 BMI

Third Goal: 240 - 93 pounds lost - 33.5 BMI

Fourth Goal: 210 - 123 pounds lost - 29.3 BMI

Fifth Goal: 180 - 153 pounds lost - 25.1 BMI

Final Goal: 160 - 173 pounds lost - 22.3 BMI

Knowing how much one can lose in x amount of time with OMAD, and assuming I kept with it for a year, it could take anywhere from 173 days to 346 days to reach my final goal. I know that I won’t lose the same amount every day, and I know that it will be hard to keep it off once I reach my goal.

I also know that I will need to take vitamins and supplements to make sure I don’t lose anything during this time.

I am trying not to set deadlines for when I would like to reach my goals, though ideally I would be losing about 20 pounds a month. There are some important dates that I am hoping to have lost a certain amount for, however, and based on how much I might expect to lose and some basic math, I have deemed it pretty feasible to do.

I return to work around July 6th. It is currently May 30th. In 37 days I am hoping to have reached my first goal of 33 pounds lost. I lost 4 pounds in 3 days, and I hope to keep up that pace.

The other date that I am hoping to have lost weight for is my birthday, which is August 31st. In 93 days I am hoping to have met my second goal of 63 pounds lost. I am turning 19 and very excited to celebrate.

For a little in-depth at what I am doing as far as my meal, I am eating a normal supper for me, a snack and a dessert. I am not counting calories. I’ll give some examples of what I have eaten at this time.

Day 1: Gnocchi bake with chicken, gummies, a chocolate bar, a little bit of bread and an iced tea. I made the bake with a package of sundried tomato gnocchi, one chicken breast, an olivieri package of rose sauce, like 2-3 tablespoons of herb and garlic cream cheese and onion. It was so good.

Day 2: I had the 4 bites of leftovers and some cheese bread, an iced tea, chicken strips, fries, a bite of fish, and some coleslaw. This day I felt sort of weak in the evening and so I had a fried egg sandwich with a cheese slice, mustard and mayo.

Day 3: I GUZZLED water all day long, like 4-5 bottles of water. I had crackers, the middle of a cinnamon bun, chicken strips and fries again, coleslaw and then some cake (I was celebrating a family birthday). My pee has never been so clear, let me just tell you.

One of the good things about this diet is being able to have whatever I would like as my meal for the day. I am an excellent cook (friend, family, teacher, boyfriend’s family and boyfriend approved, being fat has helped me master the kitchen) and I love doing it, so I can really get creative with my meal.

I come from a diet family, and so I am definitely supported on this diet, and my boyfriend is doing it with me, because misery loves company. Overall, I do feel hungry, but I feel satisfied with what I am doing and I have a lot more will power than I thought I did before, so I am proud of myself in that regard.

During my fasts, I try to only consume water and black coffee, which I take iced so it doesn’t nerf me with the flavour. Chewing gum is also quite helpful. My eating period is between 7p-8p, or 7p-8:30p, but that may change overtime as my sleep and activity schedule changes in the coming months.

I do not make promises on diets as a rule, but because of the nature of this diet I have made myself a promise that I will listen to my body. If I need a meal, I will eat one. If what is best for me is splitting my eating hour into two 30 minute eating periods a day for energy, especially while I work, then that is what I will do.

Like I said, the goal is to check in every day with what I ate, my general feelings and if I am changing anything, and then I will try to do a weigh in weekly, and every couple of weeks update any changes I notice in the areas I mentioned earlier that bother me as a fat person.

‘Til next time,

#weight loss #heweightlossjourney #diet #one meal a day #morbid obesity #may 30th 2020

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13-reasons-ideas · 5 years ago

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Finding Peace in Another Part 14

Shit. I thought, still frozen in shock. Blinking a few times to break myself out of it, I began to slowly disentangle myself from Montgomery and reached for my shirt. After some effort due to my stilted movements I had slipped my shirt on and cut the heavy silence with an awkward cough. That seemed to knock the boys out of their shock as well and Montgomery scrambled to put his shirt back on, but not before giving me a confused yet pointedly cold look.

Zach whistled through his teeth before directing his questions to me, “I just stopped by to check if you’re doing okay. Are you okay? When did uh... this... what is this exactly?”

Just as Zach finished, Montgomery blurted our “Zach has a key to your house?”

Verbally ignoring my now very confused boyfriend’s question for the time being, answering simply with a nod in his direction, I turned my attention to Zach. “Yes I’m okay Zach. Thank you for coming to check on me. As far as the other questions, you’ll want to get comfortable first before we explain. Oh and yes babe, Zach has a key to the house. I’ll explain after.” Making my way to the living room area, I sat in my spot on the couch fully expecting the two men to follow me. Montgomery somewhat uncomfortably took his usual spot next to me and Zach made himself comfortable in one of the living room chairs.

Before I could get a word in, Zach broke the tension again, “yeah... I’m not sure I believe you. About the thing.”

“What thing?” Montgomery asked, slowly growing more and more confused.

“It’s true! Trust me. I wasn’t lying.” I replied to Zach, turning to smile at Monty. “He really is.” I heard Zach chuckle.

“I mean I can kind of get why you said not the person you’d expect, but... he can’t be. He’s all bark and bite. Not roll over and rub my belly.”

“What the hell are you guys talking about?” Montgomery exclaimed, by this point the frustration exploding.

“Sorry man, swore I’d never tell you. Scouts honour and everything.”

“I’ll tell you later sweetheart. When we are alone.” I told him, smirking slyly and winking. “Okay. As far as when this happened, some weeks ago. I don’t think either of us expected it. I know I certainly didn’t. You know how I felt after Jake and moving here so suddenly.” I explained to Zach.

“You... you told him before you told me?” Montgomery asked, quietly trying to hide the hurt in his voice. I turned to face him, gently placing my hand on his arm.

“Yes. I told Zach about Jake before I told anyone here. At that point the only people who knew were teachers and Mr. Porter.”

“But why did he know first?” He looked at me and his eyes looked so guarded. I hadn’t seen that look on his face since he came to me for help that night so many weeks ago. I felt crushed that I put it there and could only hope that I could make him understand. Zach cleared his throat quietly.

“It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you. I’ll answer all of your questions after we explain ourselves to Zach okay? One set of questions at a time.” I explained calmly, drawing circles on his arm with my finger. He nodded at me and I leaned against him, getting comfortable and feeling the most relaxed I had in at least two days. We turned our attention back to Zach. “As for what this is, Montgomery is my boyfriend.”

“And Rebecca is my girlfriend.” I felt Monty squeeze my shoulder gently as he said it.

“Okay. So it’s not just sex. Cool. Does anyone else know about this? And are you telling people or not?” Zach asked, his curiosity clearly piqued.

“No, it’s not just sex.” I replied, laughing.

“Tony Padilla knows but other than him and now I guess you, no one knows. And no we aren’t telling people yet.” Montgomery told Zach somewhat shortly. He seemed to want to move on quickly. Zach either didn’t notice that or willfully chose to ignore it. He was quiet for a moment, thinking.

“So it was Monty’s flannel you were wearing that day! I knew it was familiar.”

“Damn Zach, didn’t realize you spent so much time keeping up with my wardrobe.” Monty laughed. It was the first time I had heard his laugh in what seemed like weeks. It felt nice to hear it again.

I smiled and nodded, “yes it was. And I did wash it before giving it back I swear.”

“Is that why you get an extra coffee when we go to Monet’s?”

“Yeah. I like surprising him with coffee sometimes.”

“Has he met your dad yet? Or is he going to?”

My eyes widened at his question and I felt Monty’s hand twitch. “Uh. No he hasn’t. And it’s not like Dad is ever home to meet him. I’m not sure you’ve noticed but I basically live by myself.”

“That’s fair. Monty?” Zach asked, turning his attention to the more than slightly ticked off boy beside me.

“Yeah Zachy?” He ground out in response.

“I know you’re like 6 foot and 190 but if you hurt her, I’m going to have to hurt you.”

Monty blinked slowly in response before speaking, “yeah I know. I’ll try to keep it a fair fight.”

“Any other questions Zach?” I asked, though I was not looking forward to the questions Monty was going to ask me.

“Nah, I’m good.” He replied with a wave of his hand. I took a deep breath and turned to sit facing Montgomery. I pulled my knees up so I was resting my chin on them.

“Where do you want me to start?” I asked, my voice shaking from nerves.

“We can start with why Zach has a key to your house.” Monty replied, his eyebrow cocked waiting for me to try to talk my way out of this one.

I took another deep breath and centered myself before delving into our story.

“So as you know, Zach and I had a sort of… instant connection. There has never been anything romantic and I can say for me . I don’t know how to explain it. We met and just immediately connected, and it was like we had known each other forever. From my perspective I kind of replaced Bailey with Zach. Bailey is my best friend and not having him around kind of sucks honestly. No offence Zach.”

“None taken. I get it.” Zach said, understandingly.

“And then Jake comes in. I don’t want to say that I am replacingJake with Zach because no one could ever replace him. He was my brother. But Zach reminds a lot of him. So because of that, I guess he makes me think about all the best parts of my brother. He made the transition here a little easier.”

“Okay but that doesn’t explain why he has a key. I understand that he’s like your best friend and all, but given what you know about me and my dad, why don’t I have one? I don’t understand Rebecca. Do you not trust me or something?” Monty interrupted harshly.

“I’m getting to that. If you will let me finish please. I understand that you are upset but I won’t talk to you if you are just going to sit here and interrupt or yell at me.” I told him bluntly.

“Fine. Continue.” He said, crossing his arms.

“Thank you. As I was saying, Zach made the transition here easier. We picked up our whole fucking lives and moved here literally weeks after Jake died. Its been six months since he died Montgomery. I’m not sure if you’ve fucking noticed but my dad isn’t exactly here like… ever.” I told him, slowly growing frustrated.

“Becca…” Zach interjected softly. I stopped speaking and took a deep breath. I did not want to be angry during this situation. We had been angry enough at each other today.

“I’m sorry. Its just… I’m used to having someone around all the time. Before my mom died my dad didn’t take as many business trips. My mom worked regular hours so she was home for dinner and so that if dad had to leave, we wouldn’t be alone. After she died dad went on more and more trips, so he wasn’t home as often, though it was more often than now. Jake was basically around all the time. And now that he’s gone… I get lonely being in this house by myself. I know you are here a lot of the time, but when you aren’t or can’t be here, that loneliness feels even more intense. Remember that Jake lived with me so he was able to come and go as he pleased. I gave Zach a key because as mentioned before, he reminds me a lot of Jake. It’s comforting to have someone be able to come and go as they please. Giving him a key to my house gives him that opportunity. Even if he doesn’t use it that often, knowing he has it and can do that if he wants is enough to comfort me when I’m alone in the house.”

“Okay I’m not trying to interrupt. I just don’t understand how that knowledge is comforting?” Monty asked. I paused and tried to decide how to word my example.

“it’s…. Okay, you know that people who have panic attacks are prescribed Ativan or something similar?”

“Yeah. I don’t know anyone personally but I’m aware of that.” He replied.

“Right so… sometimes people who have panic attacks are prescribed it and just knowing that it’s there in the event of an emergency is enough for them to get through a panic attack.” I explained. Montgomery sat and digested that for a moment.

“Alright. So the key kind of makes sense? But even still, do you not trust me or find me comforting enough to have one?”

“No… no Monty. That’s not it at all.” I told him softly, my voice cracking as I reached out to grasp his hand. “The kind of trust and comfort I find in you and Zach are completely different. And I understand where you are coming from with what goes on at home. I never offered you a key because I wanted to avoid any possibly awkward encounters with my dad on the off chance he was home.” I explained, hoping he would understand.

“That makes sense, I guess. Now can you explain why you trusted Zach enough to tell him about Jake before you told me?” Monty asked, sadly.

“It’s not that I didn’t trust you enough Montgomery. It’s just… it’s hard to talk about. I don’t generally lead with that when I meet someone or anything. When you lose someone close to you it’s hard to explain. The reason I told Zach was because it was easier and I knew that once I told him, I could tell you when the time was right. That kind of thing is really hard to tell someone you care about and you’re… falling for trying to let in. Jake didn’t die in an accident or of a terminal illness. His depression killed him. For weeks after he died, I had people, some of whom were family members, tell me he was selfish or a coward or any number of other things. People looked at me like I was going to break or snap at any moment and I was scared.” I paused, taking a breath trying to will the tears away. As I felt the first tears begin to fall, I continued, “I was scared that you would look at me that way and that it would change everything. I was scared to tell you first because I didn’t want you to think of me as the girl whose brother killed himself.” I saw that he wanted to interrupt so I put my hand up to stop him. “You didn’t do or say anything to make me think that you would react that way, it’s just a natural feeling. So I figured if I told one person who is close to me, it would make it easier to tell you. And that I wouldn’t have to be afraid that you would react how everyone else usually reacts. I didn’t want to tell you while we were fighting but… that’s how it happened I guess.” Finally finished my explanation, I looked at him through teary eyes trying to discern and gauge his reaction to all that I had told him with bated breath. He sat in silence for a while, as did Zach, both young men trying to process all that I had told them.

The boys were brought out of their thoughts when Zach got a text from his mom requesting he come home. He stood up and pulled me up to hug him. “Call or text me if you need anything.” I nodded into his chest before letting go. Zach turned to Monty, who was still seated on the couch. “Can you keep an eye on her tonight? Make sure she actually gets some sleep.” Monty looked up and nodded at him.

“Yeah.”

“And maybe keep her away from the liquor for the rest of the night.” Monty nodded and hummed in response, clearly still thinking about what I had said.

#monty imagine #monty x reader #montgomery de la cruz #monty de la Cruz fanfic #montgomery de la cruz imagine #montgomery de la cruz x reader #Montgomery de la cruz x oc #monty x oc #finding peace in another #zach dempsey

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randomreasonstolive · 5 years ago

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Good Evening, Shining Stars!

First of all we want to say thank you to each and every one of you. Recently this blog hit 36k followers. As in, thirty-six THOUSAND! I’ve never been so shocked and delighted… and, in all honesty, I feel so blessed that we were given the opportunity to help so many people and it’s largely because of y’all reblogging our posts and trying your best to keep that light shining in the darkness!

Take a moment to appreciate your shine, dear stars. Because we certainly do. :)

If you’ve been around here for some time you may have noticed that, while we used to answer advice requests on a regular basis, it’s been quite some time since we’ve done so. We’ve been getting your questions and they are being read, but right now we don’t have the ability to answer them.

Several days ago our power was cut off. We didn’t have the funding to pay to have it switched on and were forced to ask a family member for help, which felt very humiliating, stressful, and embarrassing. And that was just the recent part of a line of events that have occurred due to financial struggles. It’s caused a severe lack of security, which has spiraled us down into a darkness that seems impossible to get out of. At least, on our own.

Due to all of this stress, we don’t feel capable or strong enough to answer the advice requests we’ve been getting. This is extremely frustrating to us because, in all honesty, we really do love helping others. This is currently our best platform for reaching as many people as possible to help with mental health - and anything else we can help with, really.

We would be so happy if we could be able to spend time once every other week, just to answer your questions. We’d also love if we could write out longer advice posts, like we used to. Right now we don’t have that time, however, because we’re both doing whatever we can think of to keep from losing our home. There’s very little time and emotional energy left for this blog, despite how much it means to us both.

And so, Shining Stars… this is where you come in.

After having talked about this for several days, we’ve been considering creating a Patreon. We’ve discussed many times in the past how we don’t want this blog to be ‘monetized’, as getting paid to help y’all isn’t something either of us want. However, as painful as it is… we don’t feel capable enough to help in the ways we’d like with our current financial situation.

And so, we wanted to ask for your input, Stars; What kind of content would you like to see from us when it comes to a Patreon? (‘Paid-only’ content isn’t something we want to do).

So far, we’ve talked about advice-answering days every other week (to start), then increasing how often they are when possible. We’d also love to be able to do general advice posts again, so if that’s something you’re interested in, let us know!

So, Stars… Please, help us. Because, more than anything, we just want to help you. We so desperately want to get back to a place where we can be there for y’all more, but right now it seems hopeless and heavy.

If you aren’t able to become a Patreon, that’s more than alright! It would still be very much appreciated if you could reblog this post for us. :)

We love you all. Thank you for reading this and we really hope that tomorrow is a good day for you.

C + N

#not reason #admin post #help #patreon #random reasons to live

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number9robotic · 5 years ago

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9-30-19 Update

(art tax)

Giving a much shorter update this time, because things have dissolved from “total shitfiesta” status to “complete dissolution of communication” status. In other words, in lieu of publicly exploding at me about constant contradictory information on my current status in life, what I’m actually allowed to do, and taking offense at me asking for their cooperation, my parents have decided to just ignore me and tell me nothing. The situation is relatively calmer now, but consequently, my future is just as uncertain. Joy.

A consequence of knowing that my life is going to be split between two different countries of citizenship is that it actually does harm my ability to commit to long-term careers in either -- which is ironically what my parents have been angry at me for failing to find. It’s not a great look having to find a job in a place you like OR the home you want to return to and be unable to go to school/find a part-time job/go through the process of getting a driver’s licence/etc. with the prospect of having it ripped away from you by having to move away in an uncertain amount of months, weeks, or even days. This is to say nothing about finding social interaction on a casual level :/

And it’s a shame, because recently I actually had a minor epiphany of something I’d be willing to commit to -- I almost never talk about this, but I consider myself a decent cook and baker, and want to look to maybe finding education or work in the field... the huge downside is that I have the absolute crappiest weakness: an irrational crippling phobia of eggshells (yes, it’s really sad). One suggested method I find was I find a place about vegan cuisine, but it’s very inaccessible to physically reach any of those places here (LA is too damn big), so I’m stumped.

So to bring it back around to me and my artstuffs... I’m back to trying to produce content again, and unfortunately, this has kind of also looped back to me needing to monetize everything right now because I have no regular income. Ironically for my online art not being a “real job”, at least I have the ability to work on it no matter what country I’m forced to be in as long as I have my tools.

Once again, to those who like my @channelmono stuff, the shared Patreon is right here. To those wanting to just donate small amounts, Ko-Fi is here.

Everything is so stressful nowadays...

#vent #art #artist #need help

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petite-neko · 6 years ago

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Chapter Characters: Corazon, Doflamingo, Law, (Monet, Sugar) Pairing: (eventual) LawLu Rating: M Warnings: Vampire AU, (Mostly) canon compliant, Angst, Survivor Guilt, Blood, (Kinda) drug use/addiction, dependency, child grooming, child abuse, abusive relationship, major character death (Other warnings may be added) A/N: This is a pretty heavy chapter by the way. Just a heads up. (Angst wise) Or, as the lawlu chat people say: "Just hear furious typing before groans and sobs. Nik always hurts himself while writing"

As always: Thank you oturai for beta-ing~

.xxx. > Time/scene skip

.+++. > PoV change

(Wanna buy me a ko-fi? Link in blog description!)

Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5

By the time I had reached Doflamingo’s office, I had put Sugar to sleep and locked her in sunstone shackles.

I didn’t bother knocking.

No, I opened the door, holding an unconscious, cuffed child, my eyes narrowing into a glare as I stared at Doflamingo.

“Brother?”

Oh. Good. He was alone. I didn’t need to kick anybody out for this. Silently, I went over to put her on the couch in his office before returning to the door and locking it. Then, I snapped my fingers, creating that dome around the two of us, but purposely leaving Sugar out of it. While I was confident she would not awaken, I did take my precautions.

“Silent.”

I turned my gaze back over to him, hardening it.

“Just what the fuck are you thinking, Doffy?!”

But my brother only relaxed, resting his chin on his folded hands.

“I do believe it is I who should be asking you that question, Roci. Here you are, bringing a shackled child into my office, barging in without permission, demanding answers from me...”

Oh, playing the innocent card, are we, brother?

Very well. How about a demonstration?

I snapped the fingers of both of my hands, releasing both spells I had placed.

The girl, Sugar, woke up from her spot on the couch.

And then, she resumed her previous actions from when I had put her to sleep: Hissing. Flailing.

Of course, with the drain of the sunstone, that quickly came to an end.

I had been watching my brother the entire time and it had only provoked a perked eyebrow in response.

Fine. You still want to play that game?

I stalked over to his fridge where I knew he stored his human blood and grabbed a vial. My brother was watching, I felt his eyes on me, but I did not hesitate. No. I walked over to her, and opened the vial.

Sugar was watching me carefully. However, the moment I opened up the vial, her attempted frenzy continued. Cut short, obviously, and she was left there, whimpering and weakly reaching for the vial, her mouth open, teeth bared.

Still, I held it from her grasp, and spared a glance towards my brother.

That intrigued, suave expression was there no longer. No, the hands that previously held his chin up were now tightly gripping at the edge of his desk. His face was tense, held firm, and I swore I could see the veins at his temples pushing against his skin.

Wait a minute...

What?

“Put her back to sleep, Corazon.”

And those words, too, were controlled. Too much so to bode well.

My brother... he was angry.

Did he not turn Sugar?

I did not linger on that thought for too long. No, not with how delicate my brother’s control was.

“Sedate.”

I placed my hand on her forehead and her body went slack once more. I replaced the stopper on the vial before placing it on the end table nearby.

“How did you find out, Roci?”

Those words and the phrasing halted my thought process. This wasn’t making any sense. First, he was angry and now he was speaking as if he already knew...? Perhaps, was he angry that I found out? Angry that Sugar became this hungry? Or...?

“Roci!”

Right. Right. Now was not the time to dawdle or dwell on these thoughts. Doffy was angry. One does not play with fire, after all.

I snapped my fingers and summoned up the dome once more. “Silent.” Once it was successfully summoned, I turned back towards him. “She attacked Law.”

A sigh left Doflamingo, and he brought one hand to press his fingers against the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses up slightly. “Of course. Of course she did.” He rubbed at the spot for a few moments and then ran that hand through his hair. “It figures. Law is the only child who isn’t an injector. The weakest of the three. However, she didn’t know Law consumes pureblood on a regular basis.” My brother shook his head again. “Hopefully, we can just play it off as she was hungry and newly turned.”

He paused, and looked at Sugar.

“Roci, go and get Law. Bring him here.”

Part of me still doubted. I knew - or at least I thought I knew - that my brother was not stupid. The last thing he needed was for the government to find out he had created a child vampire. And yet, my brother has noft denied it. He was phrasing things... oddly.

My brother was irritated at my hesitation.

“You idiot!” He was glaring at me, I could feel it. “He knows we are vampires, Roci! That kid - he probably thinks I turned Sugar!” Then he paused before he groaned. “...so do you, don’t you?” He shook his head. “You wound me, brother. Not even I am that willing to risk everything for a mere child.”

Another shake of his head, although this time was more of a dismissal as opposed to denial or disagreement. “Besides, Law is more valuable than Sugar. And speaking of Law... Knowing him - knowing me - he is probably off, conniving some sort of revenge plot. I would rather not lose him over some idiotic misconception.”

Well, I at least finally got the answer I was looking for. But, yes. Yes, brother, he definitely thinks you are responsible for this.

“So, bring him to me. I will... clear the water between us. Meanwhile, I will... deal with whichever idiot decided to turn a child.” He glanced at Sugar again and sighed. “...do you believe that it was Monet, brother?”

I glanced away from both of them - fearing what Monet’s fate may be.

“She has been looking... hungry as of late.”

Another pause.

“Go get Law.”

I shuddered again at the tone.

.xxx.

I really should have chased after Law when I had the chance. It took far too long to locate him on this island where we’d docked.

“Looks like you were right, Corazon.”

He was huddled off in a corner, and he had only spared me a glance before he looked back at his feet.

I bit the inside of my lip at the sight before me.

“He waited,” Law continued, “waited until I was desperate. Waited until I could not go without it. Waited until my very life depended on him. And then, and only then, did he offer me another option! He approached me. Asked me if I wanted to live. If I wanted to be his little experiment. And, despite my resignations, despite my acceptance of the inevitable... I wanted to live, Corazon!”

He hiccuped.

“I still do...”

“Law...”

But, he ignored me. Ignored my concern.

“And - look at me now! I played right into his hands, and I can’t say no! I’m stuck. Stuck with this selfish bastard who-”

“Law.”

I placed my hands on his shoulders, but he shrugged them off.

“Don’t ‘Law’ me, dammit!” He was glaring at me now, his body tense. “Besides, you were the one who made me aware-”

I sighed and placed my hand on his head.

“Calm.”

He needed to shut up for a moment.

The rest of his sentence fell on deaf ears as my ability took hold of him. Shock and confusion were the initial reactions, but they were quickly followed by understanding and then an annoyed glare.

I met his glare with a neutral expression.

“Law, Doflamingo did not turn Sugar.”

And now, now his eyes widened in surprise.

“He’s looking into it. He wants to see you. He’ll probably know more when we get there.”

And then Law gestured to his throat.

Ah, yes. I probably should dispel that.

“Calm.”

At the very least I do suppose that calmed him.

“Also, do pretend you’re angry. I... don’t think I was supposed to tell you that.”

Law only scoffed.

.xxx.

“Law - Law. I am so glad that you decided to come back to us.”

At the very least, the boy did make a great show of anger. Surly and growling, arms crossed and that glare in his eyes that eventually shifted over to the unconscious Sugar.

“Yes. Yes I am sorry you had to find out about us this way.”

We weren’t alone. That was why Doflamingo was saying what he was. No, the other executives were here. Them, and... Monet.

“I never intended for things to get so... out of hand. Normally, I never let my vassals become... hungry.”

This was an act. At least for Monet’s sake. She obviously did not know we were purebloods. The other executives... well. They know we are purebloods, but I am uncertain whether or not they are aware of our little ‘experiment’ (as my brother so lovingly phrased it) with Law...

“Except, it seems somebody decided to turn their sister without telling me. And, thus, I was unable to properly provide for them. I do hope you can forgive this... mistake and not hold it, or our identities, against us. We have done so much for you, after all...”

I saw the way he bristled and I only thought back to what he had said earlier.

My own blood boiled, as well.

At the very least, Law knew that some of this was a charade. That he seemed to understand that it was for Monet’s sake.

Still, I could see something unpleasant in my brother.

“Good. I am glad we have cleared up this misunderstanding.”

Law kept a hardened gaze up at Doflamingo.

“Was that everything?”

“Yes, you may be dismissed now, Law.”

Law grunted, and turned to leave the room.

“Now,” my brother continued as he turned to Monet, and as Law left the room, “for the matter of your disobedience, Monet... You have put this crew in a very precarious situation...”

I swallowed in apprehension.

.xxx.

“He might not have turned her, but he’s still a bastard.”

I looked over at Law curiously.

“He didn’t have to put on that show in front of Monet, but he did. To make her feel guilty for revealing a secret that I already knew. Sure, she didn’t know I knew, or that I would become victim to her sister, but still.” And Law, he paused. He was quiet for a few contemplative moments before he looked up at me with concern in his eyes.

“Corazon... just how many know you are purebloods?”

My brother’s voice only reverberated in my mind: Law knows the rules. Inform anybody that we are purebloods? The only means he has to survive will cease.

Of course - of course Law would ask that question after what he had witnessed. Just how many of Doflamingo’s ‘secrets’ were just a means to threaten and control people?

“Honestly, Law? I cannot fully tell you.” Because I didn’t truly know. My brother was a manipulative bastard, after all. How many things did he keep from me? There was the mission of the previous Corazon... and just who knows what else? “The only ones that I am aware of are his other executives, including the previous Corazon. Anybody else, I have been told to pass myself off as an injector, or a ranked vampire if my brother has turned them.”

I could tell, very well, just what was going on in his head.

“Do you think he will ever turn me, Corazon?” He was fisting his pants. “He... he has me trapped here. I’m at his mercy, a puppet. He can make me do anything. Anything, Corazon...”

He was trembling now.

“Even if I don’t want to. But - I don’t want to die, either. And he knew that. He knew it from the start. That’s what the warning was. It wasn’t a term only forced by the situation, as he initially implied. No, it was a threat.”

I remained silent. Simply because there just wasn’t anything to say.

His golden eyes met my crimson ones again.

The expressions I saw in them hurt. Hurt me worse than the knife that he stabbed me with all those years ago.

“This is why you didn’t offer me your blood before, isn’t it?”

I continued to look at him. I hesitated for a single moment before I replied.

“Yes.”

That was the first time I ever lied to him, and I suspected that it wouldn’t be the last.

#lawlu #trafalgar law #monkey d. luffy #one piece #petiteneko:story #tlaw #onepiece #luffy #corazon #fanfic:clandestine

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aurelliocheek · 3 years ago

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Pre-qualifying Users When Targeting Becomes Less Granular

Alexey Gusev is Lead Performance Marketer at Goodgame Studios, a Germany-based publisher creating free-to-play web and mobile games. First dabbling in digital marketing in Russia, Alexey moved to Germany to complete his master’s degree. His passion for gaming led him to Innogames, working on mobile video ads & native networks and UA for international & local social networks. In early 2021, Alexey joined Goodgame Studios to lead a team of UA managers.

Learn more about Mobile Hero Alexey.

ATT, SKAN, SKAD. Keywords every marketer has heard over and over in the last year. These words gave us all quite a headache, but still are a “gift that keeps on giving!” Even months after Apple’s ATT release there are plenty of uncertainties left to figure out.

But one thing is clear—we no longer receive the same level of granularity and data per user for marketing campaigns as before. Furthermore, it seems Google will be moving in a more privacy-centric direction in the coming years as well.

Which leads to a question: how do you target and find users in a more privacy-centric world—especially one where such powerful tools like VO/ROAS optimization and lookalike audiences might become obsolete? This is particularly important for apps that take longer to monetize and rely on heavy spenders to turn profitable.

One of the solutions I have to share is an old trick from the e-commerce/insurance/banking fields—pre-qualifying your users through the ads.

What Is Pre-Qualifying?

Pre-qualifying is the method of finding the users who are most interested in your app and are likely to monetize. To properly pre-qualify users, place ads conveying a message through an appropriate creative.

With pre-qualifying, a user who installed an app is more likely to take the next step in the funnel and convert to a paying user than a regular non-pre-qualified user.

How You Can Pre-Qualify Users

You cannot pre-qualify a user without understanding the profile of the paying user who is the most interested in the product/app you offer.

The first step is creating a user profile of your payers. It could be an empirical process using motivational models, or you can outline age/gender/interests/motivations using one of many analytics tools available. My go-to platform is Facebook Analytics and Audience Insights, which will, unfortunately, deprecate in June 2021.

Three Major Levers for Pre-Qualifying a User for Mobile App Campaigns

There are three powerful levers to master when interacting with your audience.

Ad copy

Creative/Ad format

Placement

Essentially where, when, and how you are communicating. Slightly adjusting or updating any of the three levers yields a different result.

1. Ad Copy

Ad copy, usually an overlooked part of a creative, has proven to be a handy and powerful lever for performance. When you understand the user who values your product, figure out a set of unique identifiers to include in your ad copy. This helps you pre-qualify the user and make sure they convert to the next step of the funnel. Here are examples:

Age

Platform

Interest

Motivation

I used to be skeptical about ad copy with “If you are over 40 and you are interested in gaming, this top strategy game is for you!” But copy like this generated the best reg2pay rates for us in combination with the right creatives.

Let’s dissect the ad copy. Say you are trying to communicate gaming to a user over 40 who prefers playing strategy games. Will you only acquire this type of audience through the ad copy above? No. Would most of the audience you are interested in acquiring be greater than the one through a regular creative? Yes.

2. Creative/Ad Format

You could write a whole book when talking about creatives and how to create one that “sells.” In my experience, creatives with the biggest impact are always structured behind data you already have and by understanding past successful creatives.

A good starting point is tagging all produced creatives and gathering data for each tag. Divide your creatives into streams (general overarching topics), delivery method, graphic (2D/3D/CGI/live), and stand-out elements. From here, you gather knowledge and data at each level. Once you have an idea of what creatives perform best, the next step is to further understand what creatives work for each user profile/persona and how they differentiate from each other.

Similar to the ad copy, use the creatives themselves to pose questions that would act as a pre-qualifying condition and help you understand the performance of creatives better. A good example is Facebook poll ads, where you pair a creative story with an actual question and get answers in real-time.

The next step is testing and iterating, as well as confirming your assumptions across different channels.

3. Placement

Placement acts as an excellent pre-qualifying factor. Understand where the user you are looking for is more likely to be present—whether it is news sites (accessible through Taboola and Outbrain), gaming apps (accessible through a variety of video networks and DSPs), or social media (Facebook, Reddit, Snapchat).

Furthermore, there are important questions you need to answer:

Where is the ad shown?

What time is the likelihood of a paying user to interact with your ad the highest? Is it during or after work? Could it be on the weekend?

Where on the page/app is the ad shown, and in what situation/context?

What ad format are you using?

All these factors are crucial in understanding and increasing the efficacy of marketing campaigns.

4. Other Levers

Mobile landing pages are also a valuable tool. They provide opportunities to test new ideas like asking questions, bringing users to a converting landing page, or linking to a different app of your portfolio. Use all the levers simultaneously and you will have more users converting with higher conversion rates (registration to purchase).

Results

Pre-qualifying a user through your ad copy, creative, placement, or other levers will play a big role when granular targeting becomes less available in the future.For Goodgame Studios, we saw great value in pre-qualifying for user acquisition activities. Campaigns pre-qualifying users through ad copy alone offered 30% better CPPU than regular clicky ad copy (ad copy aimed at boosting click-through rates). We marginally increased the CPIs, which in the end provided an uplift of 40% for campaign ROAS.

To sum up, my framework for pre-qualifying users:

Analyze your paying user: in-game surveys, reviews, audience insights platforms.

Understand their needs: which need/interest does a user have? How does your product satisfy this need?

Pre-qualify users through your user acquisition campaigns:

Ad copy

Use different identifiers: age, platform, interests, place

Pose questions related to the need of the user

Creatives

Tag and understand the current status quo

Create appropriate creatives for your marketing personas

Placement

Understand key placement identifiers of a converting user: time, place, ad format.

Adjust your user acquisition strategy with findings.

Mobile Landing Page

Deliver information on your product specifically designed to satisfy the needs of your paying users.

Multi-app portfolio approach: gather information (e.g. gamified questionnaire) about the users on the landing page and funnel them to an appropriate product/app.

Reiterate, test, and adjust the levers

2021 was a year of groundbreaking changes and new opportunities to the online marketing environment. Opportunities arose to reinvent, go off the beaten track from what was tested and done for several years, and learn and adapt from different industries. Pre-qualifying users could be an approach that contributes to your marketing strategy, used to overcome the challenges of our increasingly privacy-centric world.

Read the latest blogs from Mobile Heroes and join the Mobile Heroes Slack Community to chat with mobile marketers worldwide.

The post Pre-qualifying Users When Targeting Becomes Less Granular appeared first on Liftoff.

Pre-qualifying Users When Targeting Becomes Less Granular published first on https://leolarsonblog.tumblr.com/

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scriptflorist · 7 years ago

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Hi, thanks a lot for your answer about floral competition but it isn't what I was asking. I know how one works and have a specific reason for the couple to meet the winner. The problem is that I don't do floral art and barely know a thing about design, so I need to know how to describe them and not make what I describe improper or impossible flower care, downright ugly, out of place, etc without actually being an expert who can design something great, especially a winning design.

Hi again!

Thank you for the clarification, you’re right I kind of missed that you want to describe the actual competition. But only kind of because one of the things that’s important for you to understand here is that competitive floristry largely happens behind closed door. Preferably even each florist to themselves. The events generally aren’t advertised to the public (not counting the world cups), rather than exhibitions displaying the end results. That being said these two events always have to happen back to back because flowers don’t last forever so the works are often made available to the public the same day they were created. Usually in the afternoon, evening or on the following day.

This is largely due to the fact that competitive floristry calls for complex arrangements that take like an hour and a half to build in the first place. And while people may enjoy watching that, it would come at the cost of the florist's concentration and perhaps their flowers too. You may remember I’ve talked about that in the previous post, however, there’s a second reason this doesn’t happen. And that’s cause the actual evaluation and assessment takes foreeeeever. (I was so bored out of my mind that I brought my laptop to our finals so I could write some while waiting for the examiners judgement, me and some classmates ended up listening to music for the longest time of our wait. It was like three hours and we were only five people.) There’s a huge check-list of technical and art-related topics to go through and it will take the jury several hours to complete it for every arrangement. Technique is almost the most important thing so it makes up a rather large chunk of the evaluation sheets actually, so your florists are most likely to get points deducted in that department. People who aren’t acquainted with floristry likely won’t even notice the blemishes a jury has to criticise so it’s not necessarily essential knowledge for your characters.

This masterpost is from way back, but it does give a good idea about what florists mean when they talk about technique. Technique at all times has to be well hidden by your florists. Although there are a few exceptions, like floral tape on a stem not counting for corsages. However, most technique is often hidden well enough to the untrained eye, keep that in mind for the characters who marvel the artwork.

The first thing you will have to ask yourself is whether or not the competition they attend is behind closed doors. Because if it is, you’re fine with just laying focus on the best (or the first three) arrangements, while pointing out general details about the rest. Their general opinion on colour, type and size should be sufficient. Maybe they notice a flower they like too, but unless they think someone else’s is waaaay better they’re not going pay much attention to detail once they see the others.

Whether or not the florists are going to work in the same space or each gets a separate room may depend a little on the location, but usually either or works. Especially if nobody needs extra space. One could even request to work by themselves if it helps them, juries aren’t picky about that. It’s more important that everyone finishes on time. Your characters may even choose to wear earplugs or headphones. I wore headphones during my midterm because talking to others makes me a slower florist and that was bad when I was working on a schedule. So I had a playlist that was roughly half an hour.

Given that every competition, there will be some for the florists too. Usually, flowers are allowed to be prepared, meaning they’ve been rid of all excess leaves, and thorns or side shoots. However, they won’t be allowed to cut them to size already. They will also have extra flowers in case something breaks. Same goes for wiring.

From there on out it’s everyone for themselves. Your florists will be busy thinking about how they have to do their arrangement, what has to be prepared first and which flowers come first. Size, shape and colour play a huge role in which flowers are chosen for which role in the arrangements. But as a rule of thumb lighter colours have to be set higher than darker ones, however, for example, a blue larkspur would have to be set above a white rose because of its shape and character. So your winning florist might catch a glimpse of their surroundings but will for the largest part be lost in their work. Afterwards comes the waiting, maybe even the announcement of the winner, unless that’s supposed to be public, and at last the exhibition where the public will be invited. (And family and friends usually.) If the arrangements aren’t already where they are supposed to be the florists have to set them up for the exhibition. This, however, depends on whether or not the arrangements are fit for moving in the first place.

The next question you should ask yourself is what sort of arrangement you have in mind for the winner. What sort of framework does it have? How tall is it supposed to be? Is it wall-like? Supposed to be set on the ground or on some sort of pedestal? Is it a wreath in any way? (Basically, is it round like a circle and made off plant? There you go consider it a wreath.) Are there branches? Is it supposed to be hanging? Go look at pictures of floral arrangements and write down what you like. Look at vases and basins and baskets and the likes – again write down what suits your tastes. Look at colour gradients and write down what you like, ask google if flowers come in that colour if you aren’t sure – write down what you like. (Complementary colours also work well.) Have a look at wreaths and garlands – write down what you like. Because this is the part where floristry is just another art form and what’s art supposed to be other than pleasing to the eye. Which is an utterly subjective thing in the end. The one thing I cannot tell you is what any of the pieces are going to look like, there are too many factors playing into it including the character of the people making them. I usually go into it by deciding I like a flower and go from there and don’t really have an idea of the final product till I’ve created it unless I am forced to articulate it.

Colors that almost clash make visual tension that can be flashy and attention getting. (Example: pale lavender daisy mums with bright orange gerberas). - Mod Den

(You should also give the theme of the competition some thought, is it freedom, is it love, is it all retro etc. because that too will shape the arrangement in one way or another.) The bottom line here is that a lot is possible and just because Picasso may not be your taste and Monet is doesn’t mean its immediately ugly. Even if we’re talking floral arrangements and not painted art. Same rules apply. You don’t have to describe your winning arrangement down to a t, as long as you get across that it’s bedazzling and a masterpiece of craftsmanship that’s more than enough. Emotions are more important in describing artworks than knowing in which directions the brush went when crossing the canvas. For example, you could have them compliment their use of colour theory.

It’s a floral art competition, the designs can be *anything* and other than not showing the underlying support in ways that shouldn’t be, and the basic principles of design (proportion, size, form, color).

If a reference needs to be made to a design, then vague comments about the use of a certain flower or the way one of the elements of design were implemented would be best. Otherwise a specific design has to be completely thought up, checked for feasibility, and then it’s still going to be subjective of if that one should win over some other one. Heck, maybe even one of the characters thinks the 2nd place design was better, happens all the time in art competitions with other media.- Mod Den

What I can tell you is that you won’t have to worry about care unless your winner made a bouquet. Which would be an open access competition, like what I talked about in the previous answer. However the larger the competition the more likely it won’t be the only thing your winner made in the end. And bouquets only require care because they need to be cut and given fresh water. (A slanted cut with a regular boring fruit knife or preferably a pocket knife with a single blade. Many florists carry one of these.) Floral foam already takes care of everything because it’s soaked through with water and giving the stems an edge makes piercing into it way easier. (Note: Your florists do know that floral foam needs to be given a minute or two to soak up the water instead of being emerged in it because the latter only causes a dry centre and sad droopy flowers through that.)

Of all the things out of place, you could describe flowers out of season may be the worst offenders, so no tulips in summer and chamomile in winter and the likes. A florist who doesn’t know their craft would not only make for a poor competitor. Actually, they would no competitor at all.

- Mod Jana

Disclaimer

This blog is intended as writing advice only. This blog and its mods are not responsible for accidents, injuries or other consequences of using this advice for real world situations or in any way that said advice was not intended.

#floristry #writing advice #floristic championship #ask answered #mod jana #mod den #Anonymous

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appmysite · 4 years ago

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How to select the right affiliate products to sell on your mobile app?

It is not uncommon to find affiliate marketers these days promoting their own app. The rise of automated app making tools like AppMySite has enabled affiliate marketers to convert WordPress to Android & iOS app.

This democratization of app development has turned the spotlight to other parts of the app space. As an affiliate marketer, you are bound to be less concerned about app development and more invested in closing actual sales.

Selling affiliate products on both websites and apps requires patience and skill. The starting point is naturally selecting the right affiliate products.

Most companies selling products online have affiliate programs. You can thus never run out of options when it comes to finding an affiliate product to promote and sell. The only hindrance is selecting the right affiliate product.

This piece breaks down the process of selecting the right affiliate products to promote and sell on your mobile app.

#1 - Get your calculation right

Affiliate marketing is essentially a technique that allows you to make money online. The first point you must thus consider is choosing an affiliate product that can make you money.

Let’s take two situations -

● Making $50 by selling 25 affiliate products.

● Making $50 by selling 5 affiliate products.

In both situations, you are making the same amount of money. However, selling 25 products takes much more time and effort than selling 5.

Selecting affiliate products is not just about finding something people are likely to buy. You also have to consider the money you make on each sale.

Affiliate programs have different commission structures. You need to find one where you can make more money from each sale.

High sales volume numbers are only good when you are making relatively good commissions from them. As stated earlier, the goal of any affiliate marketer is to maximize revenue, not sales.

Look for an affiliate product that helps you earn well from every sale. It is unwise to blindly select a popular product without accounting for the money you can make.

#2- Avoid popular consumer products

Let’s assume you have an affiliate marketing app where you promote footwear products. Your natural instinct is to sell regular footwear products like shoes and sneakers.

The main problem with this approach is that people don’t generally need affiliate marketers to advise them on buying shoes. Generally, average consumers directly purchase popular products like shoes and sneakers from the selling platform directly. The role of an affiliate marketer as a middle man is thus an unnecessary adage.

Similar to popular products like shoes and sneakers, there are many other product lines where consumers generally don’t need guidance from affiliate marketers. Beginners in affiliate marketing however gravitate towards popular products because they understand them better.

This is a classic rookie mistake you should avoid when setting up your affiliate marketing app using a free online app maker. Look for products that an average consumer may not be aware.

For example, selling shoe cases and racks is a better idea because these products are relatively new to an average consumer. You can introduce these products through extensive product review blog posts on your website.

#3 - Look for high information products

Every purchase is different. Before buying a laptop, you are likely to research for some period of time before settling on the right model. You may not do the same level of research before buying a T-shirt or a pair of socks.

Affiliate marketing generally works for high-information products. These are products that customers only buy after completing some level of research. A gap in knowledge basically creates room for affiliate marketers to provide guidance and make money from the sale.

When looking for the ideal affiliate product, you first need to know if customers buy the product instinctively or based on research. Instinct-based purchases are difficult to monetize from an affiliate marketing standpoint. High-information products naturally take time to sell, but they are a better bet for the long-term sustenance of your affiliate marketing setup.

#4 - Recurring commissions

The concept of recurring commissions again brings us back to choosing the right affiliate network.

Usually, you make a commission when someone clicks through a product link in your app to the seller’s platform and makes a purchase. If the same customer visits the seller’s platform again to buy another product, you don’t make a commission.

Sounds unfair, right? You are bound to feel short-changed as you introduced the seller to a new high-value customer and only got a small one-time commission for it.

The concept of recurring commissions solves the problem here. Some affiliate networks pay you recurring commissions when a customer you directed to the seller buys a product from the platform again. Networks generally cap recurring commissions to a certain number of purchases.

The point is this - you get long-term rewards for referring a recurring customer to a platform.

You should choose an affiliate product from a network that promises recurring commissions. Don’t blindly choose the most popular selling platform around as your default affiliate network. Choose a platform that provides you maximum value for the visibility and traffic you deliver.

#5 - Keep testing different products

Affiliate marketers often get stuck on promoting the same products. This naturally shackles them to the same revenue growth.

You should keep looking for new products to promote and sell on your mobile app. This will help you evaluate the performance of your existing products and the possibilities new ones can open up.

On AppMySite, it is very easy to go from WooCommerce to mobile app for Android and iOS. You can even show your affiliate products on the WooCommerce app. There is thus nothing stopping you from constantly experimenting with new affiliate products on your mobile app.

In conclusion

Affiliate marketing is easy on a conceptual level. There are however many challenges that arise when you finally start promoting affiliate products on your website and app. One of those challenges is selecting the right product.

This piece provides a guide on selecting the right affiliate products for your mobile app. The tips covered here should set you on the right path.

#convert wordpress to android app #WooCommerce to Mobile App for android #Free online app maker

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subscription-flow-blog · 4 years ago

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All You Need to Know About Selecting the Right Subscription Billing Model for Your SaaS—An Instant Guide for 2021—2022

The success of SaaS companies hugely depends on how do they price their SaaS product and how do they bill their customers?

SaaS products are not regular products with physical existence. This is the most dictated part of their pricing and billing strategies. SaaS products are not only required to be priced intelligently and differently, but they also demand experimentation in billing while introducing variations after every certain period.

Here comes the role of the selection of a proper subscription billing method that yields maximum profit and stream revenue growth in the SaaS business with intuitive price optimization.

In this blog post, we will examine how selecting a perfect and workable billing model can help SaaS businesses to retain their customers onboard and channel more and more revenue with recurring billing that suits vendors and customers, both.

What is Subscription Billing?

Before selecting an ideal billing model, the best thing to do is to understand what actually the subscription billing is?

In simpler words, subscription billing is charging a customer on a recurring basis.

Subscription billing enables SaaS merchants to provide access to their SaaS for a fixed term and bill customers on a recurring basis after a scheduled interval for a term.

SaaS products or services merchants can charge their customers repeatedly using multiple billing methods or sticking to any billing model that brings more flow of income into their recurring revenue stream by simply varying pricing as per the seasons.

How Do You Know Which Subscription Billing Model Work For Your SaaS in 2021—2022

Looking at your competitors' prices and devise yours is a way to price your product. Likewise, you can mimic their billing model or you may customize it if you know how your customer would react to your subscription billing model.

These are the common approaches but are not the ultimate practices. These cannot bring predictability and ensured revenue in the stream or may not give the company the long-term sight in the recurring revenue growth. The most profitable billing models are driven by data.

Let's find out how you can maximize monetization and revenue retention for your SaaS Subscription business.

There are several subscription billing models that work differently for different SaaS products or services. So, experimentation with pricing is the only condition that can help the SaaS merchants to learn in-depth the pricing preferences of their customers as well as the billing comforts of their own.

Following are the most successful subscription billing models that are used across the industry as a stand-alone solution or in combination to keep customers onboard as flexible as possible:

1. Freemium or Free-Trial Model

This subscription billing model allows people to use a basic or primary version of any SaaS product or service, usually, for a limited time and for free. Later, the vendor can charge them if they want to continue using the SaaS or they want to upgrade to access more features.

Pros

Attracts more lead

Enables SaaS to determine the flaws with practical usage

Cons

Do not generate revenue

2. Flat Recurring Fee

As the name refers, the flat-fee subscription model helps SaaS businesses to offer their customers access to the product or services as a one-flat fee whenever the billing cycle hits.

Pros

Provides more to the small-scale businesses as an all-inclusive solution

Builds billing trust

Predictable recurring revenue

Cons

Limits revenue collection

Increases the price

3. Tiered Charges

It can be called the advanced version of the flat fee subscription billing. In this model, the SaaS merchants can charge their customers access to their products or services at a flat fee but in multiple tiers. For instance, the basic plan costs flat $5.99/month, whereas advanced is available in flay $9.99/month, so on and so forth.

Pros

Creates rooms for multiple customers

Allows customers to upgrade as per their convenience

Highly customizable

Cons

Can be confusing

4. Pay-As-You-Go

Pay-As-You-Go reflects a usage-based pricing model where the customer can be charged for only what he or she consumes. It can be charged as:

Pay-Per-User

Pay-Per-Feature

Pay-Per-Days

Pay-Per-Hour or Minutes

Pay-Per-Service

Or in any form of consumption

Pros

Caters to the customers of the diverse need

Metered billing

Allows customers to upgrade as per their convenience

Highly customizable

Cons

Can be confusing

In some situations, decrease the revenue margins

5. Hybrid

The hybrid subscription billing model is the most workable billing model for SaaS businesses. It is the combination of multiple fermium, flat, tiered, or pay-as-you-go model. Based on their customers’ needs, SaaS merchants can offer their customers some of the following billing plans:

Freemium + Flat Pricing

Freemium + Tiered Flat Pricing

Freemium + Usage-Based Billing

Flat + Usage-Based Billing

Pros

Caters to the customers of diverse needs

Metered billing

Allows customers to upgrade as per their convenience

Highly customizable

Cons

Can be confusing

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shysweetthing · 7 years ago

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Victor Nikiforov is a financial genius: you asked for it, now get punched in the face with the new 22-point version

What do I mean by financial genius? I mean three things:

A. Victor Nikiforov is substantially better at making money than most people, and that includes the extent to which he is able to capitalize on his own success.

B. Victor Nikiforov is better at not spending money than he usually gets credit for in fandom.

C. Victor Nikiforov is able to understand disparate financial situations and help others navigate them to their success.

One brief note: I’m sure someone is going to say “I don’t see it like that!” which will be entirely not surprising, since this is a headcanon and not a canon. You don’t have to headcanon Victor as a financial genius! But this is why I do!

All of the 7,000+ words and 22 points in support of that follow after the jump. I apologize for any formatting issues but I’m doing everything on my iPad and Tumblr is apparently not well suited for outline architecture that occasionally goes four levels deep? Argh.

(Edited to add: I know this is long, but point 16.B. is my favorite and please read it because I love Victor so much.)

1. Let's start with this post from Johnny Weir on the economics of skating. I mentioned this in my original post, so I'm not going to go into too much detail here. Suffice to say that skating is an expensive sport, probably one of the most expensive sports.

You need gear. If you're skating competitively, you need good skates--and if you can't afford good skates, you're never going to skate competitively, and you're never going to be found. You need lessons, and coaching, and rink time, and choreography, and costumes. Add in--for higher level athletes--trainers and gym time and ballet lessons. Skating is a sport and an art and it charges double time for all of these things.

2. Skating is a much harder sport to monetize than most, and it pays dividends for a very short space of time. It is instructive to thumb through something like the Forbes list of world's highest paid athletes to see where people get their money from. The list is here: https://www.forbes.com/athletes/#dc1a9bd55ae5

2.A. Team sports like football, baseball, basketball, and soccer (showing my American ways, sorry) have regular games which produce steady income. They have teams, which have fanbases that can be built up over the course of decades, and which result naturally from geography. Merchandizing for those teams is purchased to show not just a like for an individual player but an allegiance to the team and a membership in a club. These sports are much, much easier for athletes (and others) to make money off of for that reason.

2.B. You don't start hitting athletes from non-team sports until #14 Sebastian Vettel (auto racing), #16 Novak Djokovic (tennis), #17 Tiger Woods (golf). (I cannot express my disgust that Serena Williams is only #51 on that list, given that she is one of the greatest athletes of our time, but this is an entirely separate discussion, goodbye.) All of those sports allow for much greater longevity in the sport than figure skating, which means more time to build a fan base, which translates into more income. Those three sports make up most of the non-team well-paid athlete lists, and they fall into two categories.

2.B.i. Golf & Tennis: These are sports that have, um, how to say it, a particular cachet as country-club sports. They are things that even people who are extremely bad at them will do, or at least purchase the accoutrements of doing it, so that they will Fit In to the Right Place. That means that popular athletes in these fields can be used to market heavily to wealthy country-club goers and those who wish to appear to be the same. (This is part of the reason why Serena Williams is not much, much higher on the list. You're smart. You can figure it out.)

2.B.ii. Automobile racing: I am not best suited to explain the appeal of automobile racing, but suffice to say the demographics and nature of appeal is quite different from figure skating, and I can’t imagine that anyone is going to fight me on this point.

2.B.iii. Figure skating is clearly more popular in the YOIverse than in our universe, although more on this in point #6 below. This means that Victor almost assuredly has a larger fanbase than, say, Yuzuru Hanyu would today.

2.B.iv. That being said, there are reasons why even a more popular figure skating sport would yield substantially less money on a yearly basis for its top billers than some of the items on that list.

2.B.iv.a Figure skating events are fewer and further apart than most other events, and while this is somewhat a function of popularity, it is also largely a function of the fact that when people see events, they want to see skaters do jumps, and jumps are really, really hard on the body. Skating more would lead to more injury.

2.B.iv.b. There isn't a "team culture" around skating--it's about an individual. It takes time to build up a fanbase, and for the vast majority of skaters, by the time your fanbase is well-known outside of the avid followers of the sport, you are on the verge of retirement.

2.B.iv.c. There is very little to sell that is unique to your sport. For some sports, you can sell jerseys, or even general gear as in "Serena Williams uses this tennis skirt!" Because skating is almost uniquely part performance, part sport, this is much more difficult to achieve. Skaters perform in individual costumes that cost thousands of dollars. This is impractical merchandise to sell.

This does not mean that there's no way to make money in skating! There is! I will go into it later! Just that the monetizing of skating is a much, much harder thing to accomplish.

3. I know what many of you are saying. "But shysweetthing, Russia is different than the US." This is true. For instance, while we here in the US leave skating to (basically) the super-wealthy, with zero support available except where you can cobble it together from gofundmes and the occasional helpful check from a kind individual, Russia (and Japan!) both have actual state support.

3.A. This is true today. Historically, though, this has not always been the case, and it's relevant to the sport. After the collapse of the Soviet Union, and for a period of maybe 10-12 years, there was very little state support for skating. Russia basically lost a generation of figure skaters because of this. Brief discussion here: https://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/05/sports/olympics/in-russia-skating-booms-again.html?_r=0 It wasn't until around 2001 that skating resources began to come back, and not until maybe 7 or 8 years later that they started scouting rinks early to identify child prodigies.

3.B. Canonically, Victor has been skating since he was a child (source: http://yoimeta.tumblr.com/post/154990523062/lookiamnotcreative-has-anyone-done-this-yet), which means he started skating in maybe 1996 or 1997. He won the Junior World championship at 15 (same source), which is around the time of the resurgence in Russian state support for skating.

That leaves a lot of uncovered skating expenses in young Victor's pre-championship life. By the time Yuri Plisetsky came around, there were skating scouts again looking for great athletes to discover. Victor did not have that benefit. While Victor probably received a modest stipend/has skating expenses covered after he became a champion, he was very likely on his own in terms of support in the crucially formative years on his way to becoming one. I'll come back to this.

3.C. Russia doesn't provide as much support as Victor's apparent wealth indicates. I cannot for the life of me find this interview although I've searched for it extensively, but apparently I'm missing the keywords. In one of Kubo's interviews, she mentioned that she happened to be on the same flight as Evgenia Medvedeva after she'd won gold at worlds, and lo and behold, Medvedeva trooped back into coach.

3.D. As an additional datapoint, Japan also provides some degree of support for its skaters, and yet see this (https://toraonice.tumblr.com/post/162732055900/sinkingorswimming-victors-flowercrown-okay-so#notes) about how Shouma Uno says he isn't making a profit on skating right now. Like, damn. Again, skating is more popular in the YoIverse, but no matter how you slice it, Shouma Uno is one of the top 5 male skaters in the world (at least) (don't argue) and he's not making a profit.

3.E. Given the history at play here, Victor Nikiforov should actually be given substantially more in-universe credit for Russian stipends and expenses (as Plushenko should in our universe). Victor would have been the face of Russian skating while there was a resurgence of the sport.

He's the one who would argue about what skaters need and yes, you should cover this fee, and yes, we need to have a resistance trainer at the rink who understands pliometrics. Victor Nikiforov wasn't given these things simply for being a figure skater, the way that Yuri Plisetsky was. Victor Nikiforov almost certainly would have been involved in the creation of the current system of support, thank you, and would not have been a simply passive recipient.

3.F. (As a total aside from this, this is a great discussion of institutional support for figure skating in the US and Canada, which I deposit here for all your fic needs: http://www.twofortheice.com/price-skating-glory-part-2-institutional-funding/ Please note that all this "Yuuri gets a scholarship in the US" thing is...so highly unlikely, simply because the scholarship funds in the US are distributed by the US Skating Federation and...are thus unlikely to be given to a foreigner.)

4. Let's talk about Victor before Victor was Winner McWinnerson. Canon leaves a pretty blank hole about Victor’s history between the ages of 17 and 22. We know, canonically, that he was the world champion in Sofia as a junior. We know he's the five-time consecutive World Champion and Grand Prix final winner, so he has five years of being Winner McWinnerson. Canon hints that he won an Olympic gold--he wears a Russian Olympic team jacket, so he's definitely gone, and one of the medals he waves in his self-introduction in Episode 10 appears to be a gold medal from the 2006 Olympics (http://itshawkeybaby.tumblr.com/post/154176904080/look-at-the-medal-that-is-donut-shaped-in-the). So...what happened in those five intervening years? Probably a lot of things.

4.A. Puberty. We see a very different body type between 16 year-old Victor and current Victor, and he almost certainly had to relearn his center of balance and how to do jumps et cetera et cetera, which meant that he probably had a period of adjustment where he wasn't doing that well.

4.B. Injury: Victor possibly suggests that he's been injured in the past.

Conclusion: before Victor was the Living Legend, Victor almost certainly has had periods of financial distress. Victor also knows that his success is ephemeral and that he has basically no damned job skills but skating. If Victor is spending all his money he is a freaking idiot. (Victor is not a freaking idiot. Getting to that.)

5. Here is a not-quite exhaustive list of Victor's potential income sources, and how they factor into his income.

5A. Prize money: We should almost certainly assume that the prize money in YOI-verse is higher than it is in the current universe. The current universe prize money is dismally low. Take this listing here: http://soyouwanttowatchfs.tumblr.com/post/153867523490/hey-i-have-always-wondered-how-much-money-figure I know, I know, $25,000 for winning the Grand Prix final sounds like a lot of money, but as a figure skater, you really only have about 7 total events where you can win real prize money per year: Two Grand Prix qualifying events, the Final, your national competition, either 4C or Euros, Worlds, and WTT (if it's available).

Add in that the cost of attending each event is significant: You need to get yourself there, have a hotel, have a place to train, eat well (which is not easy to do when you're traveling) and so forth, and provide the same for your coach. Some of these costs will be born by the RSF on Victor’s behalf, but some won't--especially if you want to get there a day early, or want to fly business/first instead of coach.

Put it this way: If Victor flies first class to Japan for Worlds, he will lose money on the event if he doesn't hit the podium. Yuuri's fourth place finish at the Rostelecom cup got him $3000.00, which probably means that he only lost about $1,000 on the event, and that's with Victor not charging him coaching fees.

Associated costs for an event will bump up some in YOI verse because the sport is more popular, of course, but there will be corresponding increases in costs--because the sport is more popular, hotels will be more expensive to compensate for larger crowds, trainers, nutritionists, and the best sports massage therapists in the area will be in greater demand because there's more at stake, and so forth.

My point with all of this is not to say that Victor is not making a crapload of money; he is. It's just to say that non-Victor people who are, maybe, just top 10, are probably not earning all that much money, and there’s probably at least an order of magnitude of earning between Victor and Chris (and don’t think that Chris is above feeling jealousy here.)

5.B. Non-skating speeches, appearances, et cetera: Some of these he will do for free (e.g., Good Morning America, because it's worth the publicity), and others he will charge for. My guess is that Victor can probably command about 30-40,000 on an appearance, assuming that he's an excellent public speaker. (This puts him about on the level of Neil Gaiman.) However, it seems unlikely to me that he'd want to schedule lots of these events given his schedule. Victor probably has a bog-standard cheesy inspirational speech that he gives to Google about Never Giving Up! and Getting Over His Injury! and Working Super Hard! You can Do It To!

5.C. Advertisements: Victor almost certainly advertises for skating gear, clothing, and other manufacturers. I'll talk about his image later, but think about the number of athletes that advertise for brands outside their sport. It's actually quite small, and only for household names. Victor has a leg up on his competition because he's hot and considered desirable, but this particular train almost certainly wasn't available to him until he was established as Winner McWinnerson.

5.D. Merchandise: Victor likely collects a royalty on licensing his name and image for T-shirts, posters, and other merchandise.

5.E. Participation in Ice shows: Victor participates in ice shows and is paid for his participation. I suspect that the ice shows provide transportation/hotel + stipend. For someone like Victor, that stipend is probably pretty decent--$30,000-$40,000 or so--and the travel is first class. Victor probably does not do ice shows that would net him less than that. For your average skater, that check is probably more like $3,000-$6,000 and sardine class travel. Where I'm sourcing this: This discussion on the Golden Skate forum (free login required to view). http://www.goldenskate.com/forum/showthread.php?50195-How-Much-Do-Skaters-Get-Paid-For-Shows&styleid=5 Michelle Kwan was listed as getting $15,000 a show, back when skating was much more popular than it is now, so I'm bumping this up for Victor.

5.F. Since I keep mentioning that skating is more popular in the YOIverse than present reality, I need to point out that a major difference between our reality and the YOIverse is Victor Nikiforov. He is the face of skating. If the sport is prominent in YOIverse it is because the spokesperson for that sport is Victor. He's the non-doping, clean-cut, sexy-as-hell everyone-wants-him guy that everyone calls for a comment on any skating related matter. He has been utterly dominant for years, and he’s never a jerk. You cannot say that skating is more prominent in the YOIverse without recognizing that Victor Nikiforov is almost certainly substantially responsible for that prominence. This, too, must be attributed to Victor.

6. Let's talk about the distribution of gains in an area like skating. Like all income distributions in highly competitive fields, it's a power-law distribution with the top earners earning TONS of money and almost everyone else making close to nothing. At this link there's a fantastic graph of what the distribution looked like for prize money in the 2014-2015 season. If you can't tell from that graph, basically, TL;DR, a handful of people are winning all the prize money in skating.

The same is probably true--but magnified--for the non-prize-money rewards above. If you aren't winning substantial prize money, nobody wants to hear you give inspirational speeches, nobody will be convinced to bank with Bank of the Egret because of your ad, et cetera et cetera. You may get to go to ice shows, but you're essentially interchangeable and your check will be substantially smaller. This is relevant to our current discussions for two reasons:

6.A. It gives us some idea what Victor's top earning potential is (high).

6.B. It tells us that before Victor reached his current level of income, he was almost certainly making somewhere in the "barely comfortable" range. I'll come back to this later, too.

7. This concept probably has a real economic name but if it does, I have forgotten it and Google isn't loving me. (It might be net present value, but I'm not sure this is adequate.) For now, I'm going to call it "effective salary"--that is, the amount of money that you effectively have to spend, given the costs (or perks) of your job.

7.A. If your job gives you meals for free, that raises your effective salary--money that you would otherwise have spent on food is now free to do other things for you. If your job provides you housing for free, that raises your effective salary. If your job requires that you wear, say, a suit and tie all the time, that lowers your effective salary.

7.B. There are also jobs that have a lower effective salary if you properly account for the present-value of costs imposed in later years by current conduct. As an example, let's take football. People sometimes bitch about how even unknown 18 year old players in the NFL get paid ungodly amounts of money. The truth is, though, many of those unknown players, they are almost certainly operating at a loss if you account for the present value of future costs. Since almost 30% of NFL players will develop Alzheimers or dementia as a result of their playing, taking into account future lost income and years of skyrocketing health care costs, a million dollars a year for two years is probably operating at a loss for those players.

7.C. Skating is almost certainly a sport that operates--for most players--at an effective loss, even if that year's balance sheet appears to be in the black. This is because it imposes an incredibly high toll on the body. Victor is almost certainly going to be dealing with early arthritis and chronic hip/joint pain. We don't really know what the long-term toll of this will be because Victor is the first generation of skaters that skated under the new system that so heavily emphasized quads and jumps.

I'm putting this out there simply to say that any skater who isn't saving a crapload of money, is going to end up paying the costs of his skating career at a point when they no longer have the proceeds to support them. We'll talk about Victor's saving money later.

8. Whew. Now we've gone through how Victor gets money. Let's recharacterize them: Victor gets money by (a) being good at skating, and (b) monetizing his personal image, which he has developed into a platform by being good at skating. The point of much of the above is that (a) is actually not an incredibly lucrative source of income. There isn't that much money out there even in the enhanced YOI-verse to do much more than give skaters a semi-comfortable living, and to (maybe) save enough to deal with future costs of skating. (b) is where Victor makes all his money, so let's talk about Victor's image.

8.A. Victor's image is canonically calculated to a degree that no other skater manages. He thinks about what stories he is telling the audience, and micromanages the story he is telling to all degrees: commissioning his own music, choreographing it himself, and so forth.

8.B. Victor's image is canonically pervasive. Minako very firmly believes that Victor is a playboy, and that he is also (simultaneously) incredibly nice to his fans. Ditto for Nishigori. This is a tightrope to walk. Think about what this means--there is no footage out there of Victor snapping at some fan who just got on his last nerve, no pervasive rumors of him being a shithead to staff. Victor Nikiforov is just an incredibly hot, handsome, nice guy who has that tantalizing whiff of availability, and if only you were wearing this cologne... Whew.

8.C. Victor is canonically incredibly savvy about his image. At some point, he must have realized that his image had gotten away with him. "Holy shit," thinks young virginal Victor at some point, "they think I'm...uh...what?" But what does Victor do? He accepts what the audience thinks of him, and he runs with it--with his only goal being to surprise and delight them so that he doesn't lose their favor. Victor makes a point of telling Yuuri and Yurio that they don't get to choose their image, and so they need to learn to express things that aren't natural to them.

8.D. This is again an aside, but let's think about the Victor that nobody really knew? Look at even his friendship with Chris--even that is filtered through the Fake Victor image. Nobody wanted Victor for Victor until that moment on the beach with Yuuri. A moment of silence for the Victor whose personal self was pushed aside for the relentless rapacity of his public image, please. *bows head, wipes away silent tear*

Again, I see people treating Victor’s image as something that Victor simply fell headfirst into by virtue of his godlike skating, but the truth is that this is something that Victor has managed and pursued. Victor is good at monetizing himself.

9. Let's talk about those ice shows again. VICTOR RUNS HIS OWN ICE SHOWS. He does it for Onsen on Ice (by implication; it's "Victor Nikiforov presents" and Victor did not get to be where he is by ignoring the value of his own damned name) and he does it for Victor and Friends, and those are just the two that we see.

This deserves it's own bullet point since this is HIGHLY RELEVANT to Victor's genius. Running your own ice shows when your name is a draw is substantially more lucrative--see the estimate in the above link from the Golden Skate that Yuna Kim's ice show took in a profit of about a million dollars. Stop. Take a deep breath. Compare that to what Victor could command for performing in someone else's ice shows. Victor can get maybe $40,000 to perform in an ice show, and maybe $200,000 to run an ice show.

(Onsen on Ice wouldn't have generated that much profit; there wasn't the time to ramp up ticket sales, and the venue wasn’t optimal either.) This is not something that most skaters are generally able to do. Victor is an entrepreneur, dammit, and I want him to get all appropriate credit.

10. While we're talking about giving credit to Victor, let me make one thing clear. I swear in this point because this is eye-rollingly infantilizing ways that Victor gets treated.

Victor (with the help of appropriate professionals that he handpicks himself) manages his own damned finances.

Yakov does not manage Victor's finances. I've seen this one come up a bunch of times. The implication is that Victor is irresponsible and so Yakov handles things. This is ridiculous for a number of reasons.

10.A. Victor Nikiforov is a grown-ass adult of 27 years who canonically has a "zero" under his cooperation skills and never does anything that Yakov tells him to do. It is flatly unbelievable that it is in his character to just hand his finances off to Yakov and allow him to manage them.

10.B. Yakov does not have the damned time to be an accountant/babysitter. Inevitably, of course, he does have to do some things that resemble babysitting, and I'm sure he has some rules for conduct for those who skate at his rink that relate to RSF morality rules/skating health. That being said, he is a damned good skating coach. He coached Victor. He coached Georgi who is not terrible. He coaches Yurio. He coaches Mila.

Yakov is a coach for champions, and that is an incredibly specialized skillset. He does not have the time to mess around with his skater's finances, and he absolutely did not develop the necessary skillset. Maybe he hands them a list of "dos and don't"--"don't forget to save money for taxes" for instance, or "hire an accountant as soon as you're making enough"--but general financial management, or acquisition of merchandising opportunities, is not his bailiwick.

10.C. While we're at it, the coach-student relationship between a world champion and a world champion coach is nothing like a student-teacher relationship. The world champion has to bring their own thoughts to the table. The world champion can fire their coach at any minute if the relationship isn't working. There is very little disparity of power between them.

Victor and Yakov's relationship is one of respect, not one in which Yakov holds power over Victor. On a more mundane approachable level, I would say that the relationship is much more like a client-realtor relationship. A good realtor will give you excellent advice on maximizing your property's curb appeal. You can choose not to take any of it. You can walk away and use someone else as allowed under your contract. An unethical realtor can mess up a client in many ways, but a savvy client is unlikely to get played.

10.D. If Yakov actually had any control over Victor's finances in canon, don’t you think he would force Victor to stay in Russia instead of going thousands of miles for a skating video-booty call? Yes. Yes he would.

10.E. I understand that sometimes fic writers need someone to conveniently impose limits on Victor, because having a character who has a shitload of money means that there are many monetary problems you can't have in a fic. That's cool, it's fine, but let's be real, this is just a convenience of the fic, and God knows that if any of my above points are inconvenient in a fic I will magically unheadcanon them myself. That being said, it's completely and utterly irrational to imagine that Yakov plays such an actual role in Victor’s finances.

10.F. Look back at where Victor makes the majority of his money. YAKOV CANNOT DO THESE THINGS. Yakov is a skating coach. He is unlikely to have a firm understanding of what rights of personality Victor has in the global intellectual property market and what he needs to have put in a contract in Korea versus in California. He is unlikely to know what the going rate is for advertisements for top-level athletes. He is unlikely to know when he can make a client walk away from an exclusivity clause and when it's a given. He probably might give him an idea if the offered compensation for an ice show is low, but that's about it.

Yakov is a damned good skating coach but these other things require a team of people. Victor almost certainly has a booking agent, a merchandising agent, a modeling agent, an events team that helps manage the ice shows he does put on, in addition to accountants and investment bankers.

11. Victor probably receives tons of things for free. People seem to think that just because Victor has $7,000 sunglasses, or has driven a million-something dollar pink convertible, that he shelled out his own money for that. Victor is a celebrity who gets instant airtime wherever he shows up. Brands send him things. The classic car rental place in Tel Aviv where he picked up that convertible paid for him to come and drive it and Instagram himself in front of their front office. Victor does not need money to buy things.

12. In addition, many of the things that Victor spends money on that gets characterized as "extra" is spending on legitimate business expenses that contribute to his bottom line.

12.A. Yes, his costumes cost on the order of $5000. This is a business expense that is absolutely necessary to maintain his image. He's not going to be the guy that everyone wants to be--an image that nets him tons of money from 1-3 above--if he's wearing an old T-shirt over jeans as his giant romantic costume. He has an image, and he's not going to practice false economy by hurting his image.

12.B. Yes, he flies first class. Flying first class allows him to arrive in much better shape, better-rested, with less chance of cramps and blood clots. The dude is 5'10", and his body is his greatest asset. He didn't get to be one of the oldest reigning champions of his sport without learning to treat it well.

12.C. Let's talk about the times when Victor critiques what Yuuri is wearing, because I think these are mischaracterized as Victor being extra, when it’s actually Victor being savvy. There's that tie, and his suit, both of which Victor does not like. This is not just Victor being a fashionista.

Victor understands that you need to dress for the job you want, and if Yuuri is constantly dressing like a college student with a $10 tie and an ill-fitting suit, nobody's ever going to take him seriously as a business person and potential business partner. This is why he buys Yuuri a damned suit.

Notice that at no other time in the show does he ever criticize Yuuri's clothing. He only does so when it's related to business.

12.D. Ditto for having all his costumes shipped from Russia. I'm not sure how much that cost him, but it sure was cheaper than Yuuri/Yurio paying another $4000-$5000 a piece for their own costumes, and see above about dressing for the job you want.

Wearing a great costume at Onsen on Ice will make people take the event much more seriously, and since Victor is RUNNING it, this is not a selfless move. Having them wear Victor's costumes helps keep Victor in the public eye, and keeps interest in his prior career, which helps keep his income stream level.

13. Victor exhibits signs of frugality in his every day life.

13.A. As extra as we say Victor is, let's take a look at his room in Hasetsu.

What does he have in here? A sofa. A king bed, which isn't particularly expensive in the grand scheme of things, and besides, we all know Makkachin is a bed hog. Books. Lamps. A set of Russian dolls. A framed picture of himself which he probably stole from Yuuri. Aside from the statue (?! what the hell Victor), this is not a lavishly furnished room.

13.B. Victor's the one who worries about the strength of the Euro when they're shopping in Barcelona.

13.C. Victor's apartment in St. Petersburg, as nice as it is, is an apartment, and not, like, Lillia's mansion. He actually lives in a very reasonable space for a person of his income.

I mean, it’s nice! It’s very nice! But he doesn’t even have a large screen TV.

13.D. Victor has no problem staying in an unused banquet room in Hasetsu for a year even though if he were actually as spoiled as everyone imagined, he would get his own damned apartment. He never acts like he's slumming.

13.E. I know everyone talks about how freaking extra that pink convertible is, but why does nobody talk about the vehicle that Victor canonically purchased to transport himself while he was in Hasetsu?

It’s not even a three-speeder!

Look at you, Victor, spending as much as 10,000 yen.

14. Because someone will bring it up, here is a brief note about the one totally extra thing that Victor does is not a great money maximization choice: Victor's move to Hasetsu.

14.A. I’m gonna come right out and say that this was a bad economic decision, in the sense that it will cost him a lot of money, and the decision is executed in a way that maximizes that decision for many reasons, including:

14.A.i. He almost certainly loses any funding he gets from Russia.

14.A.ii. The speed of the decision almost certainly pissed off some long-time people he has worked with, who would have preferred that he try to be the World Champion for the sixth time.

14.A.iii. He ships all his stuff internationally via FedEx for god's sake has the man not heard of ground transportation? (For the record, he almost certainly shipped his luggage as a pallet through them--not as expensive as the package rate, but still, Victor, wow.)

14.B. It was nonetheless the right decision for him to make. Yes, even the FedEx thing.

14.B.i. Victor knows he needs a change and he needs it desperately.

14.B.ii. He knows that the decision is on its face so irrational to the outside world--he's moving to Japan for a guy he danced with for one night, to do something he's never done before--that he cannot give himself a way to back out or he might get cold feet.

14.B.iii. He needs to make the decision so complete and irrevocable that people--Yakov, the three agents mentioned above--will have a hard time talking him out of it.

That's why he ships all his stuff to arrive immediately. His decision is made fast so that nobody has the chance to talk him out of it. (Yurio tries.)

This is not a money maximizing choice, but it is the right choice nonetheless. Being a financial genius does not mean always putting money first. In fact, that is a particular form of financial distress. Being a financial genius means making your money work for you rather than the other way around, and this is an example of Victor doing exactly that.

15. I'm now going to circle around to some of the breadcrumbs that I've laid here. I've said before that I think it's pretty clear that Victor has not always had access to the kinds of money that he has now. Before he got RSF support, money was probably tight. Between the ages of 17 and the current onset of Winning All the Things Forever at 22, he probably didn't have access to tons of money. Victor survived.

Furthermore, I think that these periods of temporary imperfection probably made him a much, much better financial manager. You are better at budgeting for crises and future loss of income after you’ve expereinced it once. 15.A. He is less likely to spend all his money. I know that we are talking about income in the millions, and it's hard to think about spending income in the millions, but tons of celebrities manage to do just that every year.

15.B. Loss of prior fame means that Victor is more aware that what he has is temporary. His image is driven by his winningness, and he's getting close to the end of his natural career.

15.C. Knowing that this period is short means that he has dumped a lot of effort into maximizing the results--so much that he really hasn't had time to do anything else.

16. Now something completely different: Victor notices the signs of income distress in others and acts accordingly to help alleviate it. (I cannot tell you how rare this property is in people who are rich now, and have always been rich. It is so rare.)

16A. Let's talk briefly about what Victor was expecting to find in Hasetsu and what he got. Victor probably got a translation of what Yuuri said to him in Japanese--when Yuuri invited him to stay at his parent's resort--and what he was thinking to himself was, oh, Yuuri's parents own a resort.

For the reasons mentioned above, most people who are in skating are usually pretty wealthy. Yuuri was unusually blessed with non-financial resources--a skating rink that let him skate there when they were closed, a childhood ballet teacher who is a close friend of his mother's--that allowed him to develop.

I suspect what Victor imagined was something a little bit more like "his parents have desks in the office at a major seaside resort that brings in millions" and a little bit less like "Yuuri's mom personally does all the cooking."

It takes Victor a while to adjust to the reality of Yuuri's family--when he first arrives, he asks them to take his luggage up to his room because he has no freaking idea that the onsen does not have a staff. When Yuuri himself starts hauling his luggage along with another uniformed staff member, he starts to wonder. Then Yuuri introduces the other uniformed staff member, and Victor discovers it’s his sister, and oh my god, you mean to say that very nice woman who personally brought him his dinner is Yuuri’s mother, and the guy who explained how an onsen works was his dad? The only staff at the onsen is Yuuri’s family?

Yuuri is a rarety in figure skating--he’s someone who doesn’t come from money at all, whose family in fact in their entirety makes most of their living from actively working in the service industry.

But Victor very quickly figures out a score that quite frankly, I don’t think most people would get. Yuuri’s family is literally running the onsen, Yuuri’s sister never went to college, Yuuri is an outlier in the skating world, and holy shit, is this why Yuuri came back home from Detroit?

So imagine Victor gamely pitching in when he realizes there is no legion of staff to bring his luggage up to his room. While he's helping move everything, he’s recalculating his assumptions in his head. He comes to the totally reasonable conclusion that the reason Yuuri has been acting so bizarrely about his arrival, after coming on to him so strongly at the banquet and skating his program, is because he can't figure out how to afford to pay Victor.

(And honestly, this says so much about Victor--that someone at his level of income has the empathy to understand that someone else might be stressed about money.)

Victor immediately acts to try and alleviate what he thinks may be a point of distress--that is, he tries to take the issue of coaching fees out of the question between them in hopes that this will help fix everything.

(It doesn't at all because Yuuri doesn't remember the banquet, but good try, Victor.)

I almost feel badly that this point is stuck like 80% of the way through this post at 16.A. because it’s such an incredible moment that really captures how great Victor is, and I want to scream so loudly about how we don’t deserve Victor, because we don’t, we really don’t.

16.B. Let's talk about Hasetsu in general. Everyone (with the possible exception of Yuuri, who has been gone for five years and also is so wrapped up in his own head that he either avoids thinking about this or freaks out too much when he contemplates it and avoids it altogether) is aware that Hasetsu is rapidly losing people and falling apart.

All the other onsens have gone bankrupt. Minako has essentially no ballet students. Yuuri's parents have no back-up staff at the onsen, something that means that they have very, very little margin--not enough margin for either of his parents to ever travel to Yuuri's events, or to Yuuri's college graduation. The Nishigori triplets are constantly scheming about ways to bring attention to Ice Castle and their town.

When Yuuri first arrives in town, Minako basically expects him to help turn things around by spotlighting the town, and Yuuri's response is "I'm tired right now." Minako rightly thinks WTF, but lets him be Yuuri, because he has been Yuuri for a good long while and is unlikely to abruptly change into anyone else. The town is dying; Minako is barely staying afloat; the onsen is understaffed and there’s no money to pay anyone, and Yuuri needs to sit around and think about what to do next. Thanks, Yuuri.

Then Victor comes.

16.C. Victor's arrival immediately brings customers to the onsen--more customers than anyone has seen in recent years.

16.D. Victor is shown to frequently visit local businesses--Minako's bar, Nahagama Ramen.

16.E. Victor of his own free will tries to advertise Hasetsu as a tourist location during Onsen on Ice. He runs Onsen on Ice, which probably brings more money to Ice Castle in a single day than they pulled in last year.

16.F. Victor Nikiforov is the best damned thing to ever happen to Hasetsu. He is exactly what Minako hoped Yuuri would be, except he's not an anxious bean who can't imagine why anyone would like him, and so he can actually use the image and platform he has built up to make a difference.

17. Victor is not so spoiled that he is incapable of doing his own damned chores.

17.A. Victor had Makkachin as a puppy. I guarantee you that if he had not been able to pick up after himself his skates would have been chewed to bits. There is no amount of staff that will prevent puppy destruction.

17.B. Victor's room in Hasetsu is not a complete mess. Given how short-staffed the onsen is, he has to be picking up for himself to some degree. (No, there is no way that Yuuri is doing it for him, please do not suggest that, I love Yuuri but he is the WORST.) Compare to Yurio's space.

18. Let's calculate Victor's potential income!

No matter how you add up Victor's income from the above streams, he's probably bringing in maybe around 5 million a year after you deduct his agents' cut and so forth. The number of ice shows he can put on is relatively limited, since he's still training, and so forth.

To put Victor's earnings in perspective, in 2016, Beyoncé earned $54 million. No matter how you headcanon Victor's celebrity status in YOI-verse, (a) Victor does not have as monetizable an income stream as Beyoncé, as she sells the direct product of her labor, which is infinitely duplicable and (b) Victor is not as popular as Beyoncé. I love him but come on.

19. Let's figure out his net worth! I recognize that 5 million bucks a year sounds like a lot of money but many, many minor celebrities/lottery winners/sudden recipients of windfalls have absolutely no problem blowing through that and ending up with nothing. These earnings will be offset by taxation and all the costs of skating not born by the RSF: upgrades to first class, for instance, spa treatments, make up artists, legal fees because the man is signing contracts and he's not stupid enough not to hire a lawyer to look them over, another lawyer because he's probably incorporated a business or whatever the Russian equivalent is. Plus he needs to pay someone to take care of Makkachin, cover the costs of directly commissioning music for his own programs, etc.

While skating, he probably has around $400-$500 K in necessary business expenses--commissioning a piece that’s performed by singers and a full orchestra isn’t cheap--not counting expenses accrued by traveling for speeches/endorsement or the costs of running his ice shows. This leaves him with something (after taxes--I'm not super-familiar with Russian tax rates, but I'm guessing he will have to pay their personal income tax rate and their social security rate) like 2-3 million dollars net--that is, net of taxes and business expenses.

From that, deduct basic living expenses. From that, deduct anything he spends extra money on--food, clothing, cleaning expenses. And he's probably only been at the 2-3 million dollars amount for the last two years or so. It's taken time for the machinery to ramp up; for most skaters, it never ramps up.

At best, Victor has been Winner McWinnerson for five years. This gives us an upper and a (somewhat) lower bound on Victor's nest egg:

A. Upper bound: Victor's present net worth at present is something like $15,000,000.

B. Lower bound: Victor spent all the money he made and is in fact in debt. This is not the case, but honestly, if he were as stupid about money as people thought he was, he would be.

20. A moment here. Over the course of my life, I have (a) lived in a tent, and (b) worked with people who were so stinking full of money that they had no idea how anyone could function on what is even an average income, which has given me an interesting view of how rich people approach money.

For all that people say that Victor is extra, Victor has never been canonically shown to have any of the vices that typically accompany vast amounts of money being dumped in your lap. He flew first class (on Aeroflot, which is actually basically business, not first), instead of getting himself a private jet. He lives in a reasonably swanky apartment by himself; he didn't get a mansion with a personal chef and a full complement of staff. When he moved to Hasetsu, he didn't get a separate place (which he totally could have done); he stayed in a banquet room, which is (by Russian standards) small.

Victor does not live the life of the rich and famous. Victor lives a life that you could have on a lower six-figure salary.

As Yuuri's coach, when Yuuri is paying for his plane tickets, he has no problem flying coach if that's what needs to be done. Victor is vastly underspending his apparent earnings, adjusts to Yuuri's very different financial reality without standing out or making a fuss, and he never once complains about it. Can we please give this man a hand for how well he adjusts to someone else's reality?

21. Likewise, people who cannot learn to manage money quickly discover that money is like closet space: If you don't make an effort to impose order, you will run out, no matter how large the paycheck, or how gargantuan the closet.

You can figure this out by reading the deeply distressed letters written by people sobbing about how it's not fair that they're considered part of the evil 1% because they're not that rich and until you've tried living on $800,000 in New York you don't know what real poverty is. In one of my many cat-like lives, I worked with some incredibly rich, privileged people who would tell me that they were barely staying afloat as a couple making $400,000 a year in a not-super-expensive part of the country, and they could not possibly afford to drop even as much as $10,000 from their salaries without being unable to pay off their credit card debt. I've had colleagues who went into a flying panic if their monthly income went below $17,000 (this is almost a direct quote). These are people who are rich in revenue but who have never adopted spending habits that allowed them to become remotely wealthy.

Victor Nikiforov is not that person. Victor Nikiforov was able to basically quit a job that was bringing in possibly 5 million dollars a year (technically, he still has income streams that will continue through his time in Hasetsu, so it's not that cut and dry, but yeah) to go coach a man who might never be able to pay him.

Victor has never, ever freaked out about money, and if he were budgeting on a shoestring, he would have.

People simply do not do that kind of thing if they have made themselves dependent on their massive income.

22. There's a number that gets called the "safe withdrawal rate"--that is, it's the percentage of invested funds you can withdraw without risking the bulk of your principal. This number has typically been based on historical market performance and Monte Carlo simulations. That number is about 4%--if you can live on 4% of your savings, which are dynamically invested, your net worth will (on average, over time) not decrease. (Here's a good discussion of historically what this means.

A financially frugal, rational Victor, with his potential $15 million stashed in appropriately diversified asset classes as approved by his financial advisor, can safely spend $600,000 a year without really risking his principal. Victor does not appear to spend anywhere near $200,000 over the course of the show--which would be financially frugal for someone with even just $5,000,000 in the bank, discounting his earnings for that year.

Even if you assume that he paid for his clothing and that pink Cadillac all on his own, Victor is living--very comfortably--on a sum of money that he can retire on, without actually touching the principal.

TL;DR you can call Victor extra but he has not made any of the mistakes that befall most people who receive a financial windfall; he has done an incredible job of earning money that demonstrates real entrepreneurial spirit and an understanding of what he’s contributing, and he exhibits a compassion and a sensitivity with regard to the money issues that others have that suggests that he's very, very aware of what the value of money is.

VICTOR NIKIFOROV IS A FINANCIAL GENIUS.

#yoi meta #victor nikiforov #heart-mouthed financial genius #i just love him so much #please love him too

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