#this is a probably incomprehensible rant

[liedownquisition]

Every time someone, whether in-universe or in meta tries to say that Jason's a "loner" I think about two things:

First of all, the fact that Bruce is frequently referred to as a loner, both in universe and out, as if he doesn't literally constantly have his emotional support child and a rotating cast of lovers (sometimes multiple in any given story at once). In this instance, it's used to try and make Bruce seem "cool," which whatever ig.

Batman #359, which, is so fucking funny to me because this is before Batgirl and Talia showed up in this story. Catwoman too. It was a real fucking ensemble. He's berating himself for snapping at Dick, and sending some civilians (The Todds btw) to die, against Dick's advice, because he's being bitchy about Catwoman. Like, my man, you have a mental breakdown every time you're truly alone. You're not a loner but maybe you should be.

Secondly, is Jason a loner or is he just always alone and isolated? Is he a loner or does he just not know how to be any other way? Jason consistently through both pre- and post-crisis express a lot of desire to be around other people/build connections, as well as referencing factors that isolate him from them. (I'm not sourcing every incident here but here's Jay trying to bond with Bruce right after he gets taken in, and some stuff wrt Jason at school)

Detective #527 (Pre-Crisis)

Batman#395 (Pre-Crisis. This is him being jealous of Catwoman, sure, but given how often in this arc it's referenced that he's isolated from the other kids in school- despite being on some kind of presumably sports team. I think it's baseball? I'm trying to find the exact issue that it actually SHOWS him on said team but it is referenced in the issues leading up to when they switch over the histories.)

Batman Annual #12 (This is Post-Crisis)

In Brothers in Blood Jason's trying to reach out to Dick. I'm not saying he did it the right way or that Dick was wrong for rejecting that, but he did literally expressly say that he was trying to reach out to him. in his brief period that he worked with the Titans, it's explicitly stated that he'd had to sneak out from under Batman's nose to join up with them. Jason has a sparse few interactions with mostly adult heroes in Pre-Crisis and the only hero his age he gets to meet is Kid Devil/Eddie Bloomberg and that's nebulously canon or not since Pre/Post-Crisis was a soft, slowly rolled out reboot where they changed a lot of things in retrospect but also implicitly kept others. (N52 was also like this but I get the impression Crisis was marginally more organized.)

UtH was Jason reaching out to Bruce for connection. Again, not really the right way to go about it but he pretty obviously/expressly wanted affirmation that his relationship with Bruce DID matter to someone other than himself because he felt it had been stripped from him and false.

Someone who keeps reaching out to other people, but gets rejected because they did it wrong, is not a loner.

When those attempts fail and he reaches out less and less, that's not loner behavior, that's lonely behavior, maybe even a dash of self-loathing. When he starts sabotaging his relationships further he thinks they're already fucked, that's not loner behavior, that's bad coping mechanisms for childhood trauma. I don't care that they state it exactly that he's some kind of "loner," his actions don't agree with that statement.

Is his status something of a self-fulfilling prophecy at this point? Yeah. I keep seeing people refer to him this way and, jesus. y'all wanna ostracize him so badly sometimes. You don't want him here you don't want him there. You use the "loner" rhetoric to enforce the idea that his isolation is a good thing that he wants. They use it IN UNIVERSE from the mouths of characters who have biased views about him.

If he's such a loner why does he keep going back? Why does he answer every call? Like a beaten, but unfortunately faithful dog that can't help but return to their abusive master.

[duncanor]

Unpopular opinion but Legato should not have been introduced in season 1 of Stampede.

[fullcollapse-mp3]

btw whats up with pete wentz

ok let me *pulls out a whole list*

he dated a teenager (she was 17 he was like 23-24 ish? I think) he met her when she was 15 and he was in his twenties which I'd already super fucking weird but wtv and then he started dating her when she was 17

also he possibly groomed ryan ross? ik you probably don't know who that is but he was the guitarist of panic! at the disco before they split up, he was a huge fan of pete and whenever panic! started getting big pete GOT RYANS NUMBER when ryan was like 17 or smth and started talking to him on like aim chat boards or wtv. then when ryan got older him and pete ALLEGEDLY had a romantic/sexual thing going on but IDK (theres a lot that goes onto this part but I'm trying to keep this short)

also his lyrics are very very misogynistic and creepy. like he broke up with a girl and then wrote the song "tell that mick he just made my list on things to do today", which had the line let's play this game/called when you catch fire/I wouldn't piss to put you out. the whole album (take this to your grave) just consists of pete telling this girl to go die and to go drive off an bridge and crash her car and shit. like what 😀

so yeah I dont like pete wentz 💗

and literally no one in the fandom talks about this at all!! and I think it's so weird!!!!

[deanwinchester-baby]

Being Dean girl who doesn’t really ship either of the two main ships who also happens to enjoys hanging out in anti-tags of things/ships/characters I dislike/am annoyed by at the moment/have negative opinions of even if I like bc spite is a form of enjoyment and catharsis really is like: Can’t go into the Dean tag bc most of the posts are making everything he is about some other character, can’t go into the anti-sam/anti wincest tag because it’s like, hellers to the brim (y’all enjoy, just not my personal cup of tea), can’t go into the anti cas/destiel tags because it’s a weird combination of homophobes and incest, can’t even visit positive tags such as Dean x Lisa coz I always have to be like “… Do you really enjoy this or is the thinly veiled homophobia extra thinly tonite”

[misery-has-no-company-now]

(Horribly written rant ahead, ignore me over here if you want to)

Don't you just love it when your brother complains of pain in his leg once and he gets taken to the hospital for a full health check-up, meanwhile you wake up every day choosing whether to roll out of bed or push yourself up first based on which will hurt less because your entire body is always paining all the time but the two times you've complained of it you get yelled at for seeking attention alongside threats of being shown what actual pain is and whenever you appear to look even the slightest bit in pain with a grimace on your face you get told how it's all your fault, your fault, your fault, and nobody else's; even though you never blamed anyone for it and one of the few friends that you have told you that their parent with a medical background believes it's chronic, and your friends' parents believe you more than your own even when you've been walking on shards of broken glass your whole life just to ensure your parents are happy with you - even if they're never proud - and to make sure that you never give them an actual reason not to trust you and yet despite all that you're never believed when you talk about your pain, you're never the receiver of so much as the scrape of an understanding look, and you're never told anything except how it's all in your head, how it's because of you and your actions alone; and your problems are always cast aside with the simplest of comments of how it's because you don't drink enough water (but you're trying to quench your never ending thirst all the time, and they shout if they see you 'wasting' water by drinking a lot of it), don't eat enough (but otherwise it's that you eat too much and they hate to see you anywhere near the kitchen), don't sleep enough (but how can you possibly sleep in such pain?), don't exercise enough (but how can you, when it hurts so much that even the act of blinking feels like it will hurt every bone and muscle in your body?) and it's always you never doing enough, you never being enough, you never being satisfied with the life you live, you never being content with what you have, you being greedy and selfish and mean and attention-seeking and troublesome and burdening when all you want is for the pain in your body to go away?

I'm not hating on the fact that they were concerned for my brother over here, but I just wish that they won't make it so obvious that they didn't want me there. I thought they were finally happy with my existence once they stopped telling me that I was just an accident that upturned their lives unnecessarily and was a burden to deal with, instead just forgetting that I was even there, but looks like it turns out that they just found different ways of telling me know that, I guess.

[jadeddays]

the fact "dingo ate my baby" became like a silly international joke about australia, to the point when my uncle travelled overseas in the early 00s people would just say that at him and yet people don't seem to know that a dingo really did take and eat a baby 😭

[bambiraptorx]

*sigh* thinking about the Servant of Two Masters again. Truffaldino would do numbers on tumblr i know it

[coern]

ok au scenario where the tenmas are country kids (sort of) (in a "grew up in a moderately sized farming village" way) (rare fantasy-esque au setup where the tenmas arent royalty lol) (probably still rich tho) which you can tell if you look close enough. would they call their parents some shit like mother/father or something like mama/papa. this is a very important question

[fionnaskyborn]

ah fuck me running lads the "can a monster be loved" paradox strikes again only this time it came knocking at my door and hit me square in the face personally

[szkicel]

I’m working on a pinned post, where I want to include a short description for each of my major project so it’ll be easier to navigate my characters, bc a big shock - I also have projects that aren’t about bugs lol (tho you know damm well that I will try to implement them somehow anyway jhbdjhbd)

I thought about also mentioning minor projects that I have in the background and which aren’t that well developed yet, but ngl the list is literally like „a hamster metroidvania” or „dystopian central europe” bc they’re THAT underdeveloped, so I decided I’m not gonna bother unless you ppl will ask me to talk about it lol

[impulsivesuperrobin]

small-ish personal rant

sent 2 of my college friends a text before going on break bc i’ve been like a little paranoid they don’t view me as a friend anymore (i self isolated during a bad mental health spiral and they only checked up on me like 2 months into it just to see if they were good to complain at me about 1. something i can’t fix and 2. doing the dishes AND each of the few times we hung out/interacted briefly during it they were a little weird and distant) and they have not responded 🙃

it’s been half a day and i know for a fact they’ve been on their phones

atp i don’t even care! like i will be fine with either outcome because i’m capable of being mature about amicably ended relationships, but i would like to know so i don’t have to keep feeling weird in my own house! one of them lives with me and the other is literally over every single day! if they’re not my friends then i don’t have to keep worrying about it and feeling like somehow i’ve don’t something wrong! and if they do still want to be friends then great we can move on from this!

it just feels like they’re doing to me the thing they do right before they cut someone off and it’s pissing me off mostly. especially!!! bc they know i get paranoid sometimes!!!

actually, at first i isolated bc i was declining mental health wise, but then when i tried to get back to socializing they were kinda weird about it! and (imo) they’ve always kinda treated me like an auxiliary friend. i can count on one hand how many times one of them has invited me to do something with them and they’re so much worse at sticking to plans with me than they are with each other

to be fair, when they asked if i was okay (after two months of not) i lied and said i was bc they said they wanted to have an important conversation and i didn’t want to steer away from that but the conversation was literally the two of them being like “the room smells and we can’t tell where it’s coming from, you should do smth about that.” i had a bit of a breakdown in my own bedroom after that (idk if they heard any of it through the door/wall or wtv but they weren’t meant to). but then i tried to continue as normal and they’ve been ignoring me (so has another one of our mutual friends kinda and ik the three of them have been hanging out so idk)

i’m hoping to transfer next semester so it’s not like i’m going to see them much after this anyway but i really thought they were cool and i was hoping to keep some friends from this place (esp after we lost a lot of friends to various bullshit) so it’s kinda a bummer

[jennelikejennay]

Speculative Reconstructions of the Vulcan Language

The Vulcan language is, to use a technical linguistic term, clunky as hell. 

If you've used it at all, you've probably noticed. The pronouns are a nightmare; verbs are simplistic and not all forms are given; everything’s a compound even if it has no business being; and a lot of words we need simply don’t exist. The creation of the language began as gibberish made up to fit how the actors’ mouths were already moving and it shows.

So I've been going through extant Vulcan phrases, looking for alternatives. You see, Vulcan was created grammatically after many Vulcan phrases were canonical, meaning not all phrases fit with the grammar we're given. You’ll see this in formalized phrases from ceremonies or as part of etiquette—stuff that simply doesn’t translate according to the rules we have.

I explain this by saying those phrases use an archaic or regional dialect. The stuff Vulcans are willing to share with us makes up the VLD and the grammar lessons. That doesn’t mean that’s how they actually talk. They very well might often use archaic or regional terms they don’t consider part of the standardized form of the language. 

This is especially true when, for instance, Spock breaks into Vulcan at a time of intense feeling. He isn’t going to speak in proper Vulcan he learned in school: he may well pull from the language of poets or from secret Vulcan profanity they won’t put in the dictionary.

I could go further and say: the Surakian linguistic reform that attempted to standardize the language and regularize forms in use (which can explain the over-simplicity of the grammar and general lack of irregular verbs) never took hold as well as they pretend it did. How Vulcans actually speak is much messier. Uhura probably goes on regular rants about this.

As a person who is trying to use Vulcan rather than simply analyze it, I’ve given myself permission to make some of my own changes. However, I don’t currently feel comfortable just making things up. This language is in use by a lot of people and any creations I invent will be incomprehensible to any other Vulcan language user. Thus I mine the corpus of existing Vulcan for forms I might use in novel ways to make the language easier and more graceful.

So, here we go: I’m going to slice and dice the Vulcan language looking for useful grammar, thus angering everyone who already uses the language and being completely irrelevant to anybody who doesn’t. But maybe there are five people out there who will find this stuff interesting or even useful.

to be continued...

[revelboo]

sometimes i think this is how some of the bots think about humans

lowkey don't know how to feel about that myself, i actually put myself in some of the human's shoes and wow it's no easy task to deal with their situation and having to keep themselves calm

That’s probably how a lot of them unconsciously view humans because of the size difference.

A Lifeless Ordinary Pt 4

Scavengers x Reader

• By virtue of Swindle’s reputation as a crook, Misfire voted Crankcase to use the language file and everyone else agreed. Most likely the con wouldn’t intentionally off a customer he can scam again, but still. Now Crankcase leans over where the human is sitting on a crate, little legs dangling and heels thumping against the side, and he spouts gibberish at you. Your head comes up, eyes widening as you say something back and get to your feet. “Do you understand it?” Krok demands, right as your little shoulders slump, hands gesturing.

• When the one with the chunk out of his head starts talking and you recognize human language, you lunge to your feet. Asking if he knew your language, because while the sounds are familiar, it’s still nonsense to you. And he’s just staring back at you in incomprehension. It’s the wrong language and you’re not sure whether to laugh or cry. Or scream. You’re still stuck at square one playing charades with giant, alien robots.

• “Still gibberish,” Crankcase growls, leaning back as the human goes on a rant, little hands flapping about and gesturing before you flop back down in frustration. Reaching out he nudges your shoulder with a servo and you immediately swat him. Those eyes glowering when he uses that same servo to tip your chin up. Because he gets it, to be so small and trapped somewhere? Unable to communicate? You must be terrified even if you hide it well. And that’s something he understands. What happened to him left more scars than just the chunk missing from his head. Sometimes the other Scavengers come up on his bad side and he almost swears it’s Thunderwing looming up behind him, that old nightmare digging it’s claws in.

• “Of course it is,” Krok sighs, slumping back on the bench in the cargo hold. Doesn’t even realize when he starts clicking the device in his hand because it’s become a nervous habit by this point. Whenever something goes sideways, he plays with it and now you look up at the noise and meet his optics. As he watches, you hold up your fist, thumb moving to mime him until he stops. “Signal that crook.”

• “I told you,” Misfire growls, wings flaring as he watches you stop copying Krok and look up at him. Unable to understand, but trying. Those intelligent eyes alert. As he watches, Spinister finds that stuffed animal as big as you are and pushes it firmly at you, knocking you flat on your back as you wrap your arms around it in self defense just to get him to stop. “I mean, his name is Swindle,” he mutters as he stalks off.

• Arm looped around the stuffed bear, you crane your neck to watch the one with wings stalk off. They’re obviously all unhappy and it hurts to get your hopes up only to have them crushed again. If you can’t communicate, you can’t ask to go home. You’ve tried mimicking some of the sounds they make, but they always just look at you funny. Expressions giving away that they can’t even tell you’re trying so hard. That your attempts are just nonsense to them. Anxiety lifting through you, you’re aware of the biggest one, the one that had found you and ran you down, still staring at you. He’d scared you nearly to death then, but if he hadn’t spotted you that day? You’d have probably starved on that barren world, scared and alone. He saved you whether or not he realizes it.

• “Think they really were a pet taken after the war?” Fulcrum asks as you chatter at Spinister, trying to get back up only for him to keep pushing you back over with a servo. He’d stop him, but you’re laughing instead of angry. “Why abandon them out here?” Because you haven’t been that much trouble except for the handful of times they’d accidentally poisoned you trying to keep you alive. Swindle’s food at least had been legitimate, though whatever those black and white discs are, you’d tried to devour the entire package as soon as they weren’t paying attention to you. And he’s almost positive you had been swearing at him when he had to take the package away to ration them out slowly. Like now as you manage to get away from Spinister and move as close to him as you can get, big eyes imploring as you hold out a hand. Aware of the others watching as he produces the little package and holds it out, holding up a servo of the other hand in warning. And huffing at him, you take only one instead of trying to snatch them all, reaching out as soon as you pop it in your mouth to pat his servo and mumble nonsense at him.

Previous

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[luffyvace]

Undertaker wants to Court you! ~(Headcanons)~

Can’t wait for the public school arc who’s with me?!

this dude is so silly 🗿 enjoy some hcs of this ridiculous little man

Undertaker is funny. He uses that to his advantage when courting. Well, it actually depends on what type of humor you have- most of his are usually those jokes that are kinda funny but at the same time your like ‘That’s outta pocket! 🤦‍♀️😑😂’ yk?

he always wants to hear jokes. He asks you randomly and no matter what type he laughs at them. Rude humor? Hilarious! Dad jokes? That one really tickled his fancy! 😂 why did the chicken cross the road?? To get to the other side? 🤣🤣💥

now usually I feel he has a specific sense of humor but with you everything’s just kinda funny. It’s that moment when your with someone who you can laugh at the most unfunniest stuff ever and still be cackling at it anyway 😭💕

he’s always telling them as well. Might I say, at the worst times 😏 you just watched someone run over a stray animal? Oh he’s got a joke for that hear him out- LIKE BRO 😭⁉️

HES THE TYPE OF GUY WHO MAKE YOU LAUGH BEFORE EVEN TELLING YOU THE JOKE BECAUSE YOU KNOW ITS GONNA BE STUPID 👍

Let’s also talk about hiiiis…! weird side! (I’m saying ‘side’ like he’s isn’t always weird..) This is pretty much him just being a creep? Ish? Like that scene where he was in the barrel licking salt…🤨 or how he’s always in coffins (which tbh seems more normal for a grim reaper but still..) either way this dudes’ real weird and he doesn’t tone it down, even around you despite the fact that it may or may not (you decide) push you away

He��s a very mysterious dude, so how ever you met him I guarantee it was eerie and somewhat strange. Therefore you were likely intrigued by him, so when you went on your first date it was, well, very interesting! There’s so many layers to unravel with this guy! Ngl even now you’ve only semi unraveled this incomprehensible man but at the least you do learn more as you get to know him :P

his past is….complicated is an understatement- gimme a new word.

literally no one but him knows his full past all the way up to this very day. Looks like no one has stuck around long enough! Since you will I guess you’ll be the first to figure it out! ;)

now I’ll say this, he won’t sit down and just tell you everything, no. That won’t be any fun! 😄 you’ll have to have the intelligent to sit down and decode it piece by piece with the tidbits of information he gives you randomly. Yes! It’s going to be comical seeing you try and put this whole thing-a-ba-jig together! (^_−)−☆ 🤣

his nonjudgmental yet opinionated personality is scary if you don’t like folk who come off too strong. Or if your sensitive- 😄 he’s a ‘tell-it-like-it-is-and-I-don’t-give-a-ship’ type of guy. Buuuut! If your similar to him in that sense you’ll probably understand him a lot more. Him being nonjudgemental is perfect for peeps of all types so that’s a plus!! 💗

ranting about his fascination with humans during your dates comes with the package! ☝️He just does, it’s always one of his topics, and ngl it’s nothing boring either, he’s got quite a few stories to tell with even more jokes in between, which is sure to make for a lovely date <3 plus at some point all species in black butler experienced being a human, and idk about y’all but the study of human nature, psychology and how the brain works is a very interesting thing for me! I’d definitely be able to keep a conversation like that up for some time, me personally.

He puts up a front of a funny weird guy when there’s more to him if you read between the lines. Which, don’t get me wrong that certainly is a part of the real him, he just makes sure to highlight it so you don’t look at the rest 😃👌

he’s a real creepy fellow..even towards you 😭 (on purpose) and whether he’s trying to court you or not there’s no escaping it- if it starts to push you away he’ll find a way to incorporate laughter into it to make it more appealing, but no, he won’t change his ways 😭

WHY DOESN’T HE WASH HIS HAIRRRR

(yes it’s canon 😞)

you force him to wash his hair 😘💋 pls he needs it. or at least do it with him so it’s more fun. It’ll probably be easier to convince him that way

Time to talk about his work as a grim reaper!!! :3 (retired anyway) if you are reaper you get to follow each other around doing tasks! human? You both go your separate ways to work, whatever that may be. A demon? The same as a human really! Just this time you might have a contract with somebody. Buttttt!! A perk of all three is getting to work in the funeral parlor with him ;3 it’s a good disguise if your a demon/reaper and also some good quality time for you and your reaper 😘 (i mean, I hope you don’t mind morbid stuff cuz he’s a mortician after all 😅)

his little Russian roulette with the phantomhives 🕺 (LOL) no seriously I have no clue what type of relationship he has with them besides the fact that he serves them for the price of top notch laughter 🧑‍🍳💋 but you might! I’d say he’s more willing to let you in then anyone if he’s trying to court you! That obviously means he wants to trust you with his heart! So yeah! You likely know a thing or two—more about Ciel than Vincent but any info will do at this point 😭 it’s a start right? 🤷‍♀️

whenever Ciel comes over you get to witness him or Sebastian try to make undertaker laugh, it’s not like they can kick you out, you work there! Perks 😏 You can pretty much tell the one time Ciel made him laugh himself it was just a whole bunch of tomfoolery 😂 (why did it take so long⁉️😭) Sebastian is also able to make undertaker laugh really hard immediately so I wonder what he does 🤪 guess you’ll get to see! 😋

undertaker opening up to you is a process that requires patience. And don’t be pushy!! I mean this for your sake, by the way. You’ll drive yourself crazy since you’ll never get an answer that’s not riddles or straight up jokes. 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

yeah overall his way of courting is really strange but when it comes to making things official he’s poetically blunt. The type of blunt where you have to process for a second like ‘wait what does that mean- oh. OH-’

Anyway I’m gonna talk about the actual dates now cuz I’ve pretty much just been mentioning the madness that comes with it this entire time :3 and yes as I said that’s a way of courting to him. He’s weird and blunt but doesn’t wanna do things the traditional way. So getting you involved in his antics is his way of saying ‘hey i like ya and I want ya to stick around’. And jokes. HAHAHAH 😂

dates with undertaker normally consists of tea, jokes, human psychology and gossip 🗿 ever since I saw ciel in wonderland I couldn’t get over the fact that undertaker was at a tea party and now I headcanons him to like tea LOLOLOL! I mean I know that’s how the plot goes in the actual slice movie and he was just playing the role of the character but, think about it—don’t it kinda fit???? Like?? Okok Hear me out hear me out- imagine sipping on some tea with Undertaker and gossiping on the latest drama from the underworld, ‘I heard a rare case is happening where blah blah blah *giggle* *giggle* chatter chatter..’ ETC! like idk how to explain it but do you see the vision???

I can also see him doing that dramatic anime thing where they sip they’re drink majestically then say something intelligent sounding (☝️🤓) (about psychology, for him) as the wind blows 😂😂 YK? LOLL even worse if your in a outside background and his eyes shows (cuz the character who never shows they’re eyes always show them when they get serious 🤣)

i love how shameless this guy is

why don’t we know this guys’ real name⁉️ Can’t even give him a nickname because ‘undertaker’ isn’t nickname material!! What am I supposed to call him???? Taker’ ⁉️😭🗿

ENJOY @doudouma HERE’S YOUR SURPRISE~ 🤗

[thegremlininyourcloset]

I think Steph should be a local cryptid in her civilian life

because like. Consider this. The Wayne’s are this super famous, fancy rich-ass family

and there’s just this. Random ass blonde girl Always With Them.

(Babs isn’t a Wayne either, but it’s well known that Jim Gordon & Bruce Wayne know each well so that makes sense)

she’s not a Wayne. She will loudly insist she is NOT a Wayne

But like. Bruce Wayne pays her college tuition. Which isn’t weird, he’ll pay for anyone.

but it goes further than that

Dick Grayson-Wayne treats her the same way he treats his younger siblings. Which is slightly stranger, but he’s got like seven of them, being a big brother is probably a fundamental part of his personality at this point.

She keeps up with Jason Todd-Wayne’s famously incomprehensible literature rants. This is where it really gets weird.

She’s apparently Cass Wayne’s girlfriend? Cass Wayne, who nobody knows ANYTHING about?

She has inside jokes with Tim Drake-Wayne, known for his odd sense of humor?

Duke Thomas is often spotted hanging out with her and Cass, and when questioned on this, always just responds with “Steph is cool”

Damian Wayne actually speaks weirdly highly of her???

Like nobody knows where tf she came from.

She has been spotted retrieving items from the depths of her curls???

Once, a Wayne gala was attacked by the Riddler, who proceeded to just. Wave at her???? And invite her for tea & riddles??? And she accepted???

…Wasn’t she dead, at one point? Like, publicly tortured to death????

Yeah. Just Steph as an absolute cryptid to the entirety of Gotham.

Like. All the Wayne’s are weirdo eccentrics. But Steph is very much a straight up cryptid.

She and Cass are sometimes affectionately called the Cryptid Couple

@fictfrenzy @themoonwitch-mustspeak

[iamconstantine]

arcane characters as college staff

Mel

History professor 

Refers to all students by (honorific) (surname)

Nothing but praise on ratemyproffesor

“I didn’t like history until I took Professor Medarda’s class” 

Doesn’t write scholarly articles, just giant ass books that she pumps out almost every year somehow

Quickly responds to emails. No response = its in the syllabus 

“Is there any make up work I can do to get my grade up—“ Absolutely not

But if you go the writing center you can get extra credit

Every year her students ask for an extension on the final project and every year she gives a long and furious rant about how the project was visible online from Day 1 and they had all semester to work on it

She has a beautiful office that looks like a miniature library and she only sees students by appointment

Jayce

Physics professor

Is a prolific author but somehow can’t figure out how to set up the course online

Prints cheesy physics memes 

Every zoom meeting begins with 1000 messages saying “professor Talis we can’t hear you your mic isn’t on” every. time.

you can come see him in his office any time, door’s always open

but his office is so messy you probably won’t be able to sit because he has a stack of papers on every chair

“Everyone got this question on the exam wrong so I’m going to give everyone credit because that means i didn’t teach it properly”

Always throws an end-of-year party at his place 

Caitlyn

English Literature professor 

would win best dressed of the staff, always shows up in the slacks-and-blazer fit

“To understand why the narrator wears red shoes, we need to take a look at the sociopolitical state of Edinburgh in 1864.”

if you reply to a discussion board post with just “I agree” you’re not getting credit and it isn’t up for discussion 

Never reads contemporary fiction. The “newest” book she’s read is The Great Gatsby

“We’re not having a party but if you want to bring snacks and soda to the last day of class that’s fine”

Covers a lot of authors but it somehow always comes back to Emily Dickenson

Is that teacher that assigns 400-page books every week

Constantly publishing in lit journals (rumor has it she writes steamy open-door romance books under a pen-name but no one has confirmed this)

Ekko

Art professor 

You have to actively screw up to get a bad grade with him

He wrote thousands of letters to the board until they caved and gave the class a proper kiln

“Write a three-page essay explaining why AI art is not art and insisting otherwise is spitting in the face of humankind. Double spaced. Due Friday 11:59”

Throws back coffee. Has a coffeemaker in the studio. Two of them. 

“Hey guys some of you are submitting assignments at 2 in the morning. It can wait until the next day. Please get some sleep.”

He’s created awe-inspiring pieces but if you just wanna paint a frog wearing a hat he’ll say “that’s cool”

Says he knows who banksy is but will never tell

He gets way too deep in the zone. Once reached for his coffee cup while painting, drank paint water instead. Didn’t notice.

Jinx

Chemistry professor 

If you email her the response will be “k” or “no” and nothing else

Waits until twenty minutes after the class begins to email everyone that class is canceled 

Never wears a coat, goggles, or gloves. But will call out students if they don’t

takes 5 years to post grades

“Look I’m not remembering any names. Too many. If I’m talking to you I’ll just point”

Puts a meme on the projector every day. Mostly incomprehensible. Picture of a horse on an beach and it just says “Zimbabwe”

lowest score on ratemyprofessor

someone creates a website called ratemystudent and administration has no proof that it was her because technically the students with bad scores being the same students that get bad grades in her class can be coincidental 

Viktor

Biomedical engineering professor 

Only professor who still uses chalkboards

First day of class is first day of class. No reviewing the syllabus, turn to page 34 in your textbook.

Puts things in the syllabus to catch people who use ChatGPT. If you’re caught, you’re removed from his class. Immediately. You will not get to plead your case.

Most of his cited sources are himself

Literally begs students to thrift their textbooks online instead of buying them from the school. Provides free PDFs as often as he can.

He reads journals every day and will write personal letters to authors he disagrees with

If a student asks a particularly dumb question he’ll step out of the room for ten minutes to compose himself and then resume teaching like nothing happened

Vi

Not a professor, works at the on-campus gym and leads clubs

Constantly curses without batting an eye. Students will leave class with their very uptight professor then come to the soccer club where vi walks in like “sorry I’m late guys i had a motherfucker of a headache this morning”

Please don’t ask her about anything that isn’t club or sport related. If you ask for directions or how to get in contact with student services she’s got nothing

If she refs for a game and you’re on the opposing team you’d better watch yourself. She will rip you a new one if you break any rules. One time a player grabbed one of her member’s mask during a game and he left crying after Vi was done with him

Students run into her at the local hangouts a lot but it’s never awkward. just reminds you not to party too hard before the game tomorrow 

Leads pretty much every club but dance. Wouldn’t admit it but she has no sense of rhythm and refuses to even do it as a student

You can call her coach or captain or just Vi, whatever you want. But if you call her Violet she’ll stare you down until you correct yourself

Heimerdinger

Anthropology professor 

Spends the first day of class getting to know everyone. “We’re going to go around and give our names and a fun fact about ourselves!”

Gives the “Nacirema” assignment and can’t wait to tell everyone the catch

His classroom is filled with artifacts. Don’t ask about any of them because it will take up class time

If you can’t make it to class he sends really nice responses saying he understands, then checks in when you come back

The only thing that puts him in a bad mood is the “why do anthropologists study dinosaurs if anthropology is about people” question. He’s old and tired 

Keeps thinking about retiring, keeps changing his mind

Silco

Political science professor

His classroom is bare and blank. No life. Just fluorescent lights and chairs.

Brags about how few people pass his class

Very strict on attendance. Too many absences and you’re out. 

If the assignment is due at 11:59 and you turn it in at 12:00, it’s late

“I am quite interested to hear why you believe you are deserving of a higher grade when you’ve spent less than thirty minutes attending all of my classes combined. Please, continue.”

Will straight up roast other professors no problem. Encourages students to pass it along

He encourages debate but the only thing students debate about outside of class is whether he’s hot or creepy af

Final project is a choice between A) A ten-page essay on why there is no ethical consumption under capitalism, or B) a presentation on why the country is doomed

Vander

Education professor 

Makes his own series of Crash Course-esque videos

Comes to class in jeans at best. Sweats, sometimes. 

He has one coffee mug that says #1 Dad and he refuses to use anything else

He puts fun questions on his exams, like riddles. If no one gets it, he actually gets sad

Whenever he erases the whiteboard he always misses a spot. He’s that professor.

If he catches you plagiarizing, you get one pass before he reports it. But you have to come to his office so he can tell you how disappointed he is and how much potential you have

He gives a seminar about how worried he is for the future of education and the wellbeing of the next generation and everyone leaves feeling guilty. Everyone.

Make a pop culture reference in class and everything will grind to a halt so you can explain it to him. Visuals help.

Sevika

Librarian

If you play music in the library she’ll walk up to you and just go “are you joking”

Have a phone call on speaker and she’s hanging it up for you

There’s signs telling you to be quiet every three feet

If you see her outside of school no you didn’t

She’s in charge of leading classes on accessing academic databases and she fucking hates it

Somehow knows where every book is down to the shelf. She’ll tell you what you’re looking for before you can finish your sentence

technically she’s supposed to do a walkthrough before closing for the night but if you can’t read the library hours on the signs it’s your fault if you get locked in