#this is a point and laugh situation because if i laugh its not as upsetting. i do in fact have a running list. of thinkgs that make life

[circuitcircus]

-in response to this i'd like to say a lot of the art i see of labru has this very same "racialized" dynamic due to laios being kabru's actual boss by the end of the story. that is way more of a "master/servant" dynamic than having to take care of your loved one sometimes. and kabru's discomfort with laios's monster talk and monster food is always played for laughs or ignored at the same time in the fandom even when it's brought up every single time he interacts with laios in the story and in side comics. it doesn't make sense to only hold this sentiment against kabumisu.

-if you actually pay attention to the way kabru is emoting during the time he's with mithrun you'll see he isn't actually that upset about it after he's gotten over the initial surprise of having this new task, and people often ignore that mithrun plays a large hand in helping them both survive by teleporting them out of danger and helping to procure ingredients for food.

-he isn't just relying on kabru the entire time and kabru would be dead without him. kabru also gets all the information about the dungeon he's ever wanted thanks to mithrun freely sharing it with him when he asks, which leads kabru to change his mind about wanting laios to be the dungeon lord because of how much he loves monsters.

-the panel of kabru screaming in his head about how he doesn't want to become like laios when he realizes he'll have to eat monsters is often used as shipping material for some reason too despite his obvious distress.

-not to mention KABRU is the one who put the both of them in that situation in the first place by grabbing mithrun so they'd both fall into the hole after mithrun was about to defeat thistle. they would have had to work together to survive and kabru likely would have been helping mithrun on his own even without cithis's coercion. i believe kui put that blackmail aspect in because talking to the canaries through the fairy would mean they would threaten kabru for kidnapping mithrun and it foreshadows that they will meet up with the canaries again. it's not to make you hate mithrun for having needs that he can't fulfill himself. HE isn't even the one who blackmailed kabru.

-after the caretaker role of kabru's is over when the canaries come back and he's sure his friends are safe, kabru still takes it upon himself to make sure mithrun doesn't hurt himself when it doesn't benefit kabru at all like stopping mithrun from going after the demon when marcille becomes dungeon lord and, yes, the pep talk.

-in that same chapter kabru even goes out of his way to stop mithrun from using all his magic while he's slicing up meat. there was no one around to get brownie points from, he just cared about mithrun's well-being. your take on that shows how your perception of their relationship just drowns out the emotional weight these moments were supposed to have because you were apparently viewing it through a racial lens.

-as a person of color i can see why someone who isn't a person of color would jump to the conclusion that a dark skinned person in that kind of position might look inherently servile, but i haven't seen in that way at all. it's extremely exaggerated for the sake of hate and i've seen PLENTY of labru art of kabru subjugating himself to laios. there was even one art captioned "[laios] colonizing kabru's womb" are you fucking kidding me? do not put it all on kabumisu or just ignore the racial aspect all together and see them as people NOT by the color of their skin. i swear you're overthinking it. Kabumisu fans enjoy their dynamic in a myriad of ways.

-a ship isn't defined by its fanart considering fans ignore actual text when making it literally all the time.

-many labru shippers even overhaul kabru's entire character as being for the sake of getting in laios's pants and ignore his actual motivations of uncovering the mystery of the dungeon. as such they insist that kabru becoming an advisor in the castle after the story ended was to be close to laios, when it's more likely because he's always desired a position of power and he's just good with diplomatic stuff and acts as a perfect conclusion for his character because of all he went through to make up for surviving the utaya disaster.

don't try make it seem like it's morally disingenuous to ship kabru and mithrun when many of these complaints can be said for labru as well.

also the only genuine, soft smiles kabru has shown during the story are both aimed at mithrun.

this is meant to be informative and i'm tired of seeing this hypocritical take on kabumisu

A healthcare worker’s take on Dungeon Meshi shipping discourse

Hiya y’all! As someone who has become a fan of Dungeon Meshi (honestly one of my favorite franchises at this moment) I’d just like to give more of a nuanced take on a shipping discourse I’ve seen. I’d like to clarify this with I am an NA. I’ve literally been recognized by the country I live in through the sunshine awards system on my contributions to my patients lives. All this to say, I know a bit about healthcare. And I also think that. Personally, people should be allowed to ship whatever they please. They shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for what they enjoy, especially if it isn’t hurting anyone.

I’d like to clarify what I am speaking on, this being the controversy surrounding the ships Mithrun and Kabru, vs Laios and Kabru. Both of which are valid ships in my opinion! I think both are great! And whichever you like you should feel comfortable and happy to indulge in it.

I work mostly with geriatric and bariatric patients, as I work on a cardiac unit. So, by proxy, I witness a lot of disabled people come through. This to say that these people HAVE partners. And their partners care for them. Such as feeding their partners if they need help eating, helping their partners feel safe if they have dementia, I have even seen someone clean their spouse after they had soiled themself. All of which are examples of love and affection, as partners. Not as a provider doing their job.

The argument i see many a time against the ship of Mithrun and Kabru, is that it is unethical. As Kabru would be a “provider” in this case, and Mithrun would be a “patient” to this I say, is Kabru being paid in this hypothetical? Is he following training he has been given? Is he following a code of ethics given to healthcare workers when he helps Mithrun with his disability? Disabled people deserve love. And they deserve a partner that cares for them. So the argument that the ship is gross is kind of… weird. Isn’t it? Again. Mithrun and Kabru as partners do not have to be your cup of tea, but that doesn’t mean that anyone who DOES ship them is gross or immoral. Helping your partner because they are disabled is an act of love, and completely different from a provider helping their patient.

Statistically, everyone will either die able bodied or live to become disabled. It happens to everyone. Disabilities are almost as much of a fact of life as breathing is. I am new to the Dungeon Meshi fandom, but the insinuation that someone able bodied cannot have a disabled partner is kind of horrible to actual able bodied/disabled partnerships? The dynamic is so common, and so to say that it is gross, almost implies that the dynamic in a day to day is gross.

This post isn’t meant to be inflammatory, there are so many dungeon meshi ships I love with all my heart. Some that are rare pairs, some that are common within the fandom. I just think that people should be more friendly with each other. Kabru has two hands guys it’s okay /j /lh. Just please be more friendly guys. Both ships are valid. But the way the fandom gets so angry over it makes me scared. And I imagine it makes other people who are new to the manga/anime a little scared too.

[givemethesleep]

Explaining to my parents why I need subtitles when watching movies/TV and my mother just looks at me and sighs and is like. Maybe we should have you tested. Immediately offer to write her a list and she's like do you have a spare 3k. (No. All my money is going towards getting out of this house)

But I think it's safe to say that your daughter who struggled socially her whole life, can't sleep without the Right Amount of noise/clothing/temperature, and had to be banned from talking about Wizard101 in the house because it was quite literally the only thing she enjoyed, might have been eligible for some sort of evaluation when she was still a child. Instead of using it as a funny haha we don't really care joke now that she's struggling with various different things as an adult.

[piastappies]

Can you please write a comfort fic about jealous theo x reader? Maybe he gets jealous and then over thinks the situation so the reader comforts him?

If not that’s totally fine no stress! Thank you!

🧸 BEAUTIFUL BOY

synopsis. thedore nott gets jealous over his girlfriend’s friendship with mattheo.

notes. theodore nott x girlfriend!reader. established relationship, jealous theodore.

theo hated jealousy.

as a child, he used to be very possessive of his things, which always resulted in silly arguments with his cousins, when he threw a tantrum over a tantrum if someone touched some of his toys. as he grow up, he began to realize how much he saw his father in himself, so nott promised himself to never show that side of him again.

and he didn’t. theodore would always bottle up his feelings and then lash it all out at someone, who accidentally got into his path, and made one mistake, receiving a rough punch in the face afterwards.

that was until he met you — the meaning of his life, the sunshine to his grumpy, the member to make his family be found or anything that would make your stomach erupts in butterflies if he said that out loud. you gave him a new point of view, the one that let him feel�� lightly, feel relieved about his problems. it was refreshing, really.

he should’ve known from the beginning that you, and your best friend come in a package. and he should’ve known, because the three of you were great friends even before you two started dating.

at first, it was nothing. a mere thought that occurred to him on a sleepless night, vanishing right after his brain was clouded with exhaustion, eyes falling shut. then, the strange feeling of bottled up jealousy got him.

your boyfriend started noticing all those small things that had never really mattered to him before. the way matt’s eyes always lit up when you entered the room, how he laughed at your jokes, how his hands somehow always found its way to wrap around you, or just touch you.

jesus. it made his blood boil, every single time. the outcome would easily disappoint you if you knew right away. when theo hated his possessive side, you despised when he fought random people at parties — even though it was awfully attractive to see him all angry, you hated patching him up, being a witness of every small wince, a gasp, or a hiss as you pressed a gauze to his face. you always thought of consequences as well, what if someone told the teachers or what if it ended up as a case in ministry of magic?

you wouldn’t even know that your boyfriend was struggling with endless thoughts of you, leaving him for mattheo. thank god that you were blessed with lorenzo, who apparently couldn’t keep his mouth shut (“i wouldn’t spill it, nott! you were just sulking, i had to tell her!”).

at the beginning, you just thought it was a silly prank the boys tried to pull on you – to see if you reacted in anyway, or to just mess with your head a little. the perspective changed as soon as you noticed how stiff theo would get, whenever riddle joined you. it was all confirmed, when he began avoiding you like plague.

“teddy.” you sighed, barging into his dorm (ironically, shared with mattheo) without knocking. “we have to talk.” the way you phrased it was enough to make him straighten up in his bed.

in his eyes, you were about to break up with him and reason it that you just didn’t love him anymore, and fell in love with your best friend. he could hear his heart shattering into pieces, see the tears that would dig holes in his cheeks as soon as you leave the room.

“something happened, baby?” he asked, trying his hardest to brush off the pain, accumulating in the back of his head. “did i upset you in any way?”

theodore watched you get closer to him, resting your arms against the wooden frame. “well, was there a reason to get upset?” your eyebrows were lifted as you made eye contact with him. “hm?”

a long sighed left his lips. he stood up from the bed, leaving his sheets all messy. he took a step forward, close enough to wrap his arms around your body, trying to get you as close as possible. “y/n…” he hummed, bringing his lips to your neck, leaving a trail of kisses down to your shoulder.

it always worked if he tried to calm you down. not this time though.

“can you tell me what’s going on with you?” you asked. taking a few steps back, because you were mad at him and not a single kiss could change your mind (it could, you were just delusional). “did i do something to upset you?” you knew the answer, whatsoever you wanted to hear it from him.

“no– no, baby. why are you saying that?” theo frowned.

“so, you’ve been avoiding me all week long just for the funsies?”

shit, he thought. so you noticed it all. noticed how distant he grew. his eyes closed for a second and you really believed he would brush you off again, just like he did all this week. “it’s stupid.” he turned his head towards you. “i was jealous.”

your silence has pulled on his tongue. “of how mattheo acts around you, and uh. i got scared that if i tell you about it, you’re either gonna laugh at me or agree with my worries and leave me for matt.”

“teddy.” the way you were still using his nickname eased his worries a bit. “i love you, okay? only you, always you.” you confessed, dropping the L bomb for the first time in your relationship, finally feeling ready to. it made his heart flutter, soo much it almost pained him.

“you do?” you chuckled at his words, giving up the tough girlfriend act, your palms cupping his cheeks, bringing him a little closer. “y/n, i am so sorry, i should’ve talked to you.” his arms wrapped around your waist, forehead falling onto your shoulder.

“you should have.” the words rolled on your tongue in a soft manner as you placed a few kisses on his temple, nails gently scratching his nape. “i see where you’re coming from, but you gotta talk to me about things like that.”

it took theo five seconds to pick you up and throw you on his bed, cuddling up to you as you whispered sweet nothings into his ear, reassuring him of your feelings.

“but if you could, you’d choose me over anyone?” theo lifted his eyebrows at you, and you couldn’t hold a giggle back.

“well, over anyone?” you teased, grinning. “i could never not choose pansy.”

[bluelockmaniac]

itoshi rin giving you the last bite of his food. <3 wc; 676

watching rin's pretty face as he chewed on his cheesy potato pancakes wasn't something you had expected to do today, but it also wasn't your fault that rin could make something as simple as eating so tempting. the way the stuffed mozzarella stretched from between your boyfriend's lips and the delicacy had you salivating— you wished you hadn't declined his considerate offer an hour ago, when he called you on the phone and asked if you wanted him to get you something to eat. you were full when he called, so now you couldn't help but watch him with a ravenous gaze and a watering mouth as he eats bite after bite, the colours on the television screen bouncing off his face. "you're drooling," rin pointed out as he once again turns his attention towards you, "i've asked you seven times already, but are you absolutely sure that you don't want a bite?" "y-yes rin, i'm one hundred percent certain!" you laugh awkwardly, wiping your mouth with your sleeve as you notice how the number of cheesy potato pancakes on his plate seem to reduce every few minutes, much to your dismay. "hm..." he mumbles boredly, holding one savory with his fingers and pushing it against your stubbornly shut lips, "liar. open your mouth." you gently push his hand away, shaking your head, "i'm not hungry," you utter, although your firm eye contact with his plate betrays your statement, "i swear." "whatever." he sighs, focusing on the football match on the screen as he enjoys yet another bite. the fact that he could read you like an open book was irritating, but to be fair, your expressions wouldn't make it difficult for anyone to guess that maybe, just maybe, you were hungry. you had no idea why you persisted on being so stubborn when rin had generously offered you his food multiple times— perhaps it was the guilt of taking away the food he bought for himself despite him asking you if you craved for anything that got you so adamant— but either way, you were now eyeing the last crispy, golden coloured piece on his plate. "actually—" you blurted out, shifting on the couch until you were finally beside him. your nails harmlessly dug into his forearm as he looks at you knowingly, a subtle smile forming on his lips. "can i... have one, please?" "it's my last one," he mutters with feigned pettiness as he hands you the last potato pancake with no hesitation, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and bringing you closer to him, "but only because you're so cute." "thanks!" you smile as you lean against him and begin stuffing your face with the crispy good, but unfortunately, much to your disappointment, you wiped off its existence in about a minute. "it was really good..." you say softly while looking down at the empty plate, trying to appreciate this cute situation of your boyfriend giving you his last bite, but seriously, it only aroused your appetite. rin rolls his eyes and tilts your chin to face him, "don't look so upset," he deadpanned, licking the corner of your lips to remove the excess potato crumbs. "but i'm hungry—" "i know," he sighs, getting up and vanishing into the kitchen. he appears a few seconds later with a bag identical to the one for the cheesy potato pancakes, "...which is why i bought you some as well." "ohmigod!" you exclaim excitedly, quickly opening the styrofoam container and welcoming the exquisite aroma, "thank you, rinnie! i'm glad you bought one for me too." he pulls your face in for a quick kiss before squishing your cheeks lightly. "i ought to know by now, considering the amount of times you played this move on me." you softly giggle as you carelessly eat the food in front of you, "you know me so well." rin lays his head down on your lap and yawns softly, your clean hand quick to run its fingers through his hair. "i'd be a fool if i didn't."

comments appreciated <3

[satxoru]

You were always the quiet one in the friend group. You would try to make your voice heard, but your friends just didn't ever hear you nor believed in you or considered your feelings whenever they did anything.

You always tried to fit in with them in any way, maybe they'll start noticing you right? it even came to the point where you change your opinion so you could be just like your friends.

but they never really noticed you, never considered your feelings in anything, even if it's about an important situation or not.

one day your friends brought universities up in a conversation, which is great because you've been thinking about universities for a while so you took it as a chance to voice out your thoughts.

You have always loved drawing and photography. You were thinking about taking either arts & design or photography in college, but you weren't sure which one to choose. You were leaning more towards photography because you loved taking pictures of nature and you felt like it was something you really had a passion for.

but you weren't sure if you should pursue this or not. You wanted some advice on what to do, and you made the mistake of asking your friends for advice, because they did everything other than advice or encourage you.

"i was thinking either arts & design college or photography college."

one of your friends scoffed "are you even good at either of them to consider these universities?" your friend said.

"oh, i never knew you were thinking of going to college considering you'd most likely fail the admission test" another friend added which had the rest of the friend group hollering in laughter.

as if the first comment didn't already hurt you enough, your friends just had to bring up the fact that they thought you'd fail the admission test, which was something you were always scared of.

You felt completely humiliated and your confidence started to crumble even further as they kept laughing and mocking you.

You tried to laugh off the hurt that you felt when your friends mocked you, but it was clear to everyone that you were upset. one of your friends noticed this and said, "don't be so dramatic, we're just joking around." this only made you feel more hurt and embarrassed, and you quickly tried to hide your tears.

You slowly started to doubt yourself and your abilities. Your friends' behavior towards you started to take a toll on you and you started falling into a depressive episode.

later that night, you were having a hard time falling asleep. You were overthinking everything that happened at school, doubting yourself and your abilities, and you kept thinking about why everyone else seemed better than you and why you couldn't do anything right. You kept beating yourself up about it and it was too much for you to handle, you broke down in tears and cried yourself to sleep that night.

It was the same cycle again the next day in school. Your friends kept making fun of you, but you weren't aware that a specific person with blue eyes was watching you for the past two weeks, dying to go protect you from your cruel friends.

later after school, you and your friends went to the park even though you were very heavy-hearted that day and didn't have the energy to socialise with them, you didn't give up on trying to fit in with your friends.

they ended up coming across a dog. everyone was squealing about how cute the dog was, but you kept your distance because you were scared of dogs since one had bitten you before. you tried to tell your friends this, but they dismissed your feelings and told you that you're just being dramatic, which hurt you even more.

"god why are you so dramatic, its just a dog it won't bite." a friend snarled at you.

"i literally told you guys before that I've been bitten by a dog before, that's why im scared of them and you know it!" you complained.

"how were we supposed to know when you never told us." another friend added.

"i did tell you guys but you never listened to me." you sighed out, having no energy to argue back.

the next day at school, Satoru noticed how exhausted and down you were. he was concerned for you and wanted to help.

he started a conversation with you to distract you from sitting with your friends and give you some time to yourself.

"hey, can i sit next to you?" Satoru asked which he got a slight hum of approval in response. You and Satoru knew each other, but you didn't know each other to the point where you would start a conversation which confused you a little, but you didn't complain, you love company as long as no one is making fun of you.

You were doodling in your notebook midway through class when Satoru noticed and took it as a chance to start another conversation.

"..i've noticed how hard you've been working on your drawings in art class and I think they're really cool" he complimented.

"really? you mean that?"

"yeah, I really do, you have a lot of talent and I think it's amazing how you're always challenging yourself."

his words made you smile, "thanks, Gojo. That means a lot to me."

Satoru could tell that he had put a smile on her face and he was glad he had.“Satoru.” He corrected you to which you tilted your head in confusion. he smiled at your expression.

“call me Satoru.”

two months have gone by and You and Satoru have grown very close, you're basically attached at the hip now and you have gotten so close to each other that Satoru is the best friend you have always asked for; he is always standing up for you and encouraging you, and slowly you've gotten the strength to believe in yourself and are becoming better and better in what you do.

he even helps you by being your photography companion, posing for you and doing silly faces to make you laugh and giggle, which leads you to have lot of pictures of Satoru in your gallery. and as his friendship with you grew, you became more distant from your friends, even though they never really asked about you, nothing really changed in your absence, so things were still the same as usual.

but, there was this weird feeling that you weren't quite sure of, you didn't want to think too much about it in case you ended up convincing yourself of it

You liked Satoru, but weren't sure of your feelings and kept denying it by saying it was because he was your first guy friend or the first person who ever believed in you, but you sometimes share some moments together that would leave you blushing, and you weren't sure if he shared the same feelings as you, or if he was just being friendly.

like that one time you were at the park walking together when suddenly Satoru randomly blurted out "you know, I just realized how nice it is to walk with you, being around you is just so peaceful."

You blushed slightly and couldn't help but smile. You were starting to realize how comfortable you felt around him and you couldn't stop thinking about that interaction for the rest of the day.

or that one time when you were in the school hallways heading to class, and bumped into Satoru. you both said apologies at the same time and laughed it off. but it was then that you realized how close to you Satoru was and how strong his cologne smelled, you blushed a bit and couldn't help but notice how handsome he was.You both continued on your way, but the interaction had left you blushing.

and today in class you were talking to each other when suddenly Satoru leaned in close to your ear and whispered "you know, you're so cute when you talk about what you love." You blushed and ducked your head low, giggling.

You couldn't help but blush from the compliment and you were starting to realize that you might have feelings for Satoru.

a few weeks later and you finally mustered up the courage to confess to Satoru, at the thought of him you got a text from him telling you to meet him in the park because he has a surprise for you, as you were reading the message you got your hopes up maybe he'll confess.

As you arrived, you spotted Satoru sitting with another girl, and your heart sank but didn't want to jump to conclusions.

"hey Satoru" you said as you were approaching them, he looked up at you and smiled, although it was clear that he was quite comfortable with the other girl, you didn't forget to give a slight smile to the pretty girl although jealousy was all you felt.

"who's this?" you asked politely, and as Satoru introduces his girlfriend. Your heart sank.

seeing him introduce his girlfriend with a big grin made you glad he was happy but you can't deny the pain you're feeling right now, though you tried your best to hide your feelings, That's what you've been doing all along. You started a conversation with his new girlfriend.

"omg I'm so happy for you two, congratulations!" You say in a happy tone hoping Satoru won't notice your change of mood, but as he knows you too well, he definitely noticed. He decided to act clueless for now but he would talk about it later.

a while goes by with them and you had to make up an excuse to go home because the pain in your chest was unbearable. Later at night you got a text from Satoru reading "hey, are you okay?" followed by another message "i noticed how upset you were today with us— did something happen?"

"yeah I'm okay, i just needed to go home cuz i remember something important to do"

You sent the text hoping to change the subject.

"im not stupid"

"be honest with me, what happened"

you both went back and forth, with Satoru asking if you were sure you wanted to tell him what was bothering you, and you finally building up the courage to ask him to come over.

"But promise me nothing will change between us when I tell you," you added.

Satoru agreed to your condition, and came over to your house.

when you opened the door for satoru, you couldn't help but get a little teary eyed. Satoru noticed the worry written all over your face, and he didn't hesitate to hug you when he saw tears in your eyes.

he closed the door behind him and held you tightly and comforted you. letting you on his shoulder, he took you to sit on the couch and get more comfortable. you were overwhelmed with emotions, but you were appreciative of how Satoru was taking care of you in this moment. you felt safe in his arms.

"you wanna tell me what happened?" he slowly asked. your voice cracked as you tried to talk to him which gave him a signal that you weren't calm enough to talk right now. "hey its okay, take your time, im not pressuring you." he whispered in your ear while trying his best to calm you down.

he held you closer, not letting go and continuing to hold you close; he didn't want you to feel unsafe or uncared for, he wanted you to take your time and be ready to share what was bothering you when you were ready to do so.

You tried to stay calm, but you could feel your heart racing and your emotions overwhelming you.Satoru was looking at you curiously, and you knew that you had to tell him what was bothering you.

after a deep breath, you went on "I have to be honest with you, I've liked you for a while now, but when I arrived at the park today, you were with another girl and I realized that you had a girlfriend. It was hard for me to hide my disappointment and heartbreak." You said all in one breath which left Satoru silent for a while trying to understand what you just said.

the silence scared you, it was eating you alive and you couldn't help but start to overthink, "does he hate me now?" "is he disgusted of me?" "is he gonna leave me?" "i dont want him to cut me off."

all those thoughts came rushing all at once, you were gonna let go of the hug but he pulled you closer to himself and started talking.

"you know, i used to like you back then." his sudden statement confused you, you needed more clarification.

"no, i used to love you, but i realized you weren't in the right state to be in a relationship, and you weren't looking for a relationship and i didn't wanna get it into your head"

"i didn't wanna pressure you into anything but at the same time I've been waiting for too long. it was hurting me so bad"

"i was glad and upset that i was starting to move on from you, and now that you told me, im disappointed." Satoru isn't sure what he's disappointed by, but the thought of them nearly becoming something ached the both of them.

maybe Satoru should've waited a while longer? maybe you were just late trying to figure out your feelings? either way time was up and there was no going back, and of course Satoru won't leave his new girlfriend, he loves her still.

but he knew deep in his heart that he could never love someone else the way he loved you.

"but.. in the future if im able to fall in love again, i hope its you." he added

"in the future, if you ever find yourself in the position to love again, fall in love with me." you could barely form a sentence.

"i wish you well for you and your girlfriend, but if anything happened that separates the two of you, just know that ill always be waiting for you Satoru."

"you cant waste your life waiting for me" he caressed your hair.

"i know but i love you too much to let you go.”

[lucijawriteswords]

locker room | luke hughes

summary: you find an angry luke in the locker room after a loss and figure out exactly how to help him.

warnings: 18+!!!! SMUT. oral (m receiving), swearing, slightly angry luke, whimpering, begging if you look hard enough. a little fluff. poor rutger gets caught in the crossfire. pretty tame (just wait for my next one. it’s on its way.) not edited, i’m impatient

word count: 2.5k

A/N: hello! welcome to my new venture. i’ve not written anything like this before so please, give me some grace- and feedback, if you’d like. tell me how you feel, who you want me to write about, what you want me to write about. with that, let’s get into it, shall we?

18+ below the cut

you heard laughs echoing from the press stand where the opposing team was giving post game interviews. you scoffed as you strode by, muttering to yourself. absolute ref show.

the path to the locker room was second nature to you, ingrained in your head, as familiar as your own bed. you’d been there enough times. familiar faces passed you as players quickly headed out, a few gracing you with a look, even fewer with a smile. you smiled back at those who did. one caught your arm, a freshman who’s name you hadn’t learned yet, right as you were about to turn the final corner, and gave you a warning glance. “he’s really upset, y/n. really upset. just thought i’d warn you. i’m not sure if he’s sad upset or mad upset but regardless i figured i’d let you know.”

you knew this. you knew it the second the buzzer screeched at the end of the third and luke stormed off the bench, shaking his head. you knew when you heard a loud snap and then the angry voice of an equipment manager, scolding luke about breaking a stick.

you knew luke.

“thanks, kid.” he smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. you reached up to gently pat his shoulder; friendly, comforting. “hey, don’t do that. you played amazing. the refs were horrid.”

he nodded, releasing your arm and bringing his hand up to wipe under his nose, followed by a loud sniffle. at the same time, you heard a scoff echo from around the corner and turned your head to find a brown, curly head and a bare shoulder disappearing back through the locker room door.

the freshman- who’s name you still couldn’t remember- looked at you, panicked. you just huffed out a sigh and drew your hand away from his shoulder. “oh, goodie.”

“i- y/n, he’s gonna think- shit,” he breathed out, letting his head drop backwards.

“hey, whatever he thinks doesn’t mean shit because it’s not true. he’s upset anyways and now he’s gonna spiral cause he thinks i’m messing with his freshman teammate. so, good game, honestly, but i’m gonna go figure out that situation before it’s too late.” you rushed out, pointing towards where luke’s head had disappeared to.

the freshman- you really had to learn his name- nodded and muttered a tiny ‘bye’ before making his way down the rest of the hall. you offered a quick wave as you stepped around the corner and pushed the door to the locker room open.

upon your immediate surveillance, there was no luke. but, you heard water streaming against tile, and the showers don’t shut off or turn on automatically, so that means that someone turned it on and was still in there. you did a quick second scan of the stalls, and upon seeing that everyone’s jerseys were hung up, bags folded, and there were no shoes resting underneath a stall- except luke’s- decided that it must be, could only be, luke in the shower.

“luke?” you called, making your way across the maize and blue carpeting.

“in here,” he answered, voice clipped. impatient. upset.

“can i come in?”

“yeah, i don’t care. ‘less you have rut with you, in which case, stay out there.”

“rut?” who the hell names their child rut?

“rutger, honey. my replacement, apparently.”

you surmised that rutger must be the freshman, and decided that yes, rutger was a name you’d have a hard time remembering.

“baby, he’s not your replacement. we were just talking.” the water shut off as you were talking and you heard bare feet slapping against the wet tile, followed by a low ‘fuck.’

“why are you swearing, lu?” you wondered, taking another stop towards the showers.

“forgot my towel. would you grab it for me? it’s hanging in my stall.”

you chuckled, walking back towards his stall and grabbing the towel. it was rough, pilled. threadbare on one end. “ew. gotta get you a new towel, babe.” you giggled, sticking your finger through a hole in the corner and turning, wiggling it at him.

“can you just bring it over here you weirdo?” he grumbled, but a small smile graced his lips as he poked his head around the wall.

“can i explain?”

“honey, i’m soaking wet. can it wait?” still upset, then.

“no.”

“go, then.” he bit out, exasperated, angrily gesturing at you to explain. you made a face at him before speaking.

“he was just warning me that you were upset, lu. i was thanking him and he looked sad so i told him he played well and that it was a ref show, ‘kay? just talking.” you finished, tossing the towel to him. his head disappeared behind the wall briefly before he made his way fully out, towel wrapped around his hips.

“alright. just don’t want him getting any ideas.”

“wait, lu, doesn’t he have a girlfriend? i swear, one of the freshmen this year has a girlfriend.” you thought out loud, following him towards his stall before plopping yourself onto the ground, electing to sit rather than stand as he got dry and dressed.

“oh. yeah.”

you laughed without humor, watching his back flex as he undid and redid the towel around his waist.

“glad i got you that shitty towel. didn’t feel like getting dripped all over, if i’m being honest.” you said, pulling your knees to your chest and resting your chin on them.

luke froze, turning his head with a devilish smile on his lips. your playful expression dropped as he turned all the way around, water slowly trailing down the planes of his chest. you gulped.

“lu, don’t even think about it- LUKE!” you started, trying to get up, but it was to no avail, because in a split second he was standing over you, shaking his head like a dog, sending water all over you- and the rest of the locker room, for that matter. “you little shit!” you screeched, holding your hands up to your face, the water splattering unceremoniously on you.

you heard his hoarse laugh as he finished tormenting you, turning back to his stall and pulling a sweatshirt over his body. you heard the rustling of fabric as he reached into his bag and pulled out a pair of sweatpants. your hands still covered your face, trying to be prepared if your child of a boyfriend got a second wind, but by the wet thump of the towel against the ground, you assumed he’d pulled the sweatpants on.

“i’m not gonna splash you again, baby. you can move your hands.” luke said, his voice calmer than it was a few minutes ago.

“why aren’t you putting your suit back on?” you asked, taking in his outfit.

“not going out the front, so nobody’s gonna see. just gonna go out the back, s’where i parked anyways.” he spoke towards the ground, pulling on socks and slipping his feet into a worn pair of birkenstocks.

“nobody’s even here anymore,” you added absentmindedly, looking down at your apple watch. 11:37. “it’s late.”

“yeah, honey, i know. you got a date with rutger at 11:45 or something?” he mumbled, the sass making its way back into his voice at in response to your apparently stupid statement.

“oh well, pardon me, mr. perfect. wasn’t sure if you were too busy being mad at me for talking to someone to look at your watch. oh, boy, am i excited to walk to the car, freezing and wet with your mopey ass.” you cut out, voice raising at the end, having had enough of him. “i get that you’re upset about losing but come on, luke. he’s got a girlfriend, he’s younger than me, and i would never do that to you.”

“oh, so you admit that i was right for thinking that? you’re defending yourself pretty heavily, y/n, i dunno. you sure he’s not waiting for you?” he whipped around. there was no more playfulness.

“you’re kidding, right?” you returned, voice emotionless.

he simply shrugged, nostrils flared slightly, anger written all over him. tense shoulders, arms crossed. wide stance.

“god, luke, you’re such a child sometimes.”

“oh, i’m a child for being protective over my girlfriend, but it’s fine for you to get all up on him and touch his arm? fucking double standard if you ask me.” he was harsh, accusatory.

your mouth dropped, incredulous at his words, but more so his tone. “don’t you fucking DARE talk to me like that. once you’re thinking straight and decide to not be an asshole, text me. i’m gonna go to my dorm tonight.”

you shook your head, pulling your phone out of your pocket and clicking into snapchat, swiping into your roommate’s chat, starting to type a message to her to ask her to pick you up, but you felt a hand close around your arm, spinning you back. you were ready to fire off more words but said words were nipped in the bud as you felt luke’s mouth on yours, hot and heavy. any anger you had took a backseat as you felt his tongue on yours, his hands finding their place on your hips, pulling you into him.

he kissed you desperately, hard enough to almost hurt. you moaned when he bit lightly on your lip, sticking the tip of your tongue out to flick his upper lip. a type of retribution. something between a moan and a growl clawed it’s way from his throat, angry and ready to be released.

you pulled away, shoving him firmly backwards by the chest. his eyes were apologetic and he looked like her was about to say something but you quieted him by pushing him down into the bench in front of his stall. “talk later,” you muttered, kneeling in front of him.

“baby, i was mean to you, you don’t have to-” he cut himself off as you undid his sweatpants and pulled him out, felt him heavy in your hand. you pulled slow, languid strokes over his cock, relished the way his head tipped back, the way his adams apple bobbed, the way he whimpered when your thumb ghosted over his angry tip. you grinned at the noise, deciding to tease him even more. his breath caught in his throat, a wet, choked, noise, as you dragged your tongue across his slit, letting your saliva mix with the precum that was gushing out of him. he looked down at you then, bringing a hand to the back of your head to gather your hair. “don’t tease me, baby. can’t take it.”

“gotta ask nice, pretty boy.”

“please, y/n. i need your mouth, i need to feel you on my cock, please.”

a wicked grin carved itself onto your face as you spat into your hand and gave him three long, hard strokes from the base. “all you had to do was ask, lu.” you purred, taking him into your mouth, moaning around him at the taste, the weight, the relief of feeling him in your mouth, on you tongue.

you heard his head thump against the wood of the stall, his breathing ragged as your moan vibrated around him. you felt him twitch in your mouth as you pressed your tongue flat against the underside of his dick and swallowed around him, curses falling from his lips.

“god, y/n, not gonna last. take me so good, baby,” he cut out, voice strained as he bucked into your mouth, hips and words stuttering in some sort of fucked up prayer to your mouth.

you smiled as much as you could with a mouth full of dick, moaning around him to try to get him there faster. his fist tightened in your hair and a whine escaped your lips, buzzing on his cock.

you looked up at him through your lashes, saw the flush on his neck making his way up to his cheeks, pride in the fact that you made him like that, that you could have him like this. that you could reduce him to a moaning, whimpering mess with only your mouth. you moaned at the mere thought, feeling him swell in your mouth.

you tapped his thigh twice, knowing he was getting close. his eyes met yours, hazy and hooded and drowning in lust, in you. you nodded, wanting, needing to see him when he finished.

his chest heaved, eyes trained on you as you worked him, bobbing up and down his cock, spit coating him at the base.

“fuck, y/n, look so pretty like this. so pretty, baby.” he whimpered, impossibly close. you moaned around him, long and loud, wanting to taste him. “so close, baby, so close.”

you took a deep breath, steadying yourself, before pushing your head down further, feeling his head hit the back of your throat, your nose pressing into the soft skin of his pelvis, feeling him tense under you. a long, drawn out call of your name left his lips as you swallowed around him, trying not to choke.

“fuck, gonna cum,” he whispered, lightly pushing his hips into your mouth, thighs shaking as he finally let go, warmth filling your mouth, his cock jumping wildly. you moaned, tasting him, feeling his hot cum coat your tongue and throat, swallowing it down as much as you could with his dick still in your mouth. he hissed, pulling your head off, overstimulated. you swallowed again, not wanting to miss a drop, settling back onto your knees, looking at him trying to collect himself.

“you still mad?” you quipped, cocking your head. he rolled his eyes at you, still trying to catch his breath as he tucked himself back into his pants. “gonna take that as a no,” you answered yourself, pushing yourself up, brushing your hands over your knees, feeling the imprint of the carpet and your jeans on the skin.

he stood up, gathering you into his arms and pulling your head into his chest. you nestled your head there, arms draping lazily around his waist, leaning all your weight onto him, the lateness of this rendezvous catching up with you. you smiled into the softness of his hoodie. “i’m sorry, babe. just get jealous, you know how i am.”

“i know, lukey. it’s okay. but you know i would never do that to you, to us, so i got defensive.”

he pressed a quick kiss into your hair, muttering an ‘i know,’ tapping your butt lightly so you would jump. you did so, weakly wrapping your legs around his waist, clinging to him lightly, knowing he had you. you rested your head on his shoulder, pressing a light kiss to the column of his throat. “can we go home? i’m tired.”

he smiled, readjusting you so he could grab his keys from the hook in his stall. “‘course we can, baby.” he kissed the side of your face, and you felt the smile still gracing his lips.

[bweeeb]

NAPS

Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: my horrible writing is a red flag

Summary: When two naps together changes both of your perspectives.

You hardly ever got along with anyone...until you met Dean Winchester. It had been over eight years since you knew each other, and still, no one could explain the two of you. It wasn’t news that Dean wasn’t open with you, and there hadn't been any physical contact from him since the beginning of the hunts. When you joined him and Sam, you longed for the attention of the older Winchester and felt stupid for falling for Dean Winchester—the only guy in the world who didn’t give in or give a damn about you. It irritated you just as something about you irritated him, thus making the hatred mutual.

With your eyes closed, you grunted curiously when you heard your bedroom door creak. The weight beside you suddenly changed and sank strangely. You looked over your shoulder and rubbed your eyes, confused to see Dean lying next to you as if it were his own bed.

—Dean? What are you doing here?

You asked, sitting up in bed and yawning as you turned to look at the shirtless and pantless Winchester.

—You got here quickly, sweetheart.

He said with a drunken smile on his face as you looked at your body covered by his shirt, which you had stolen from his wardrobe after a hunt three years ago.

—Ugh, it’s kind of cold here, come closer, honey.

Dean requested, smiling at you while your eyes widened at the situation.

—You’re so beautiful, shit.

He murmured, crawling closer to your body and burying his head in your neck while planting wet kisses along its length.

—Dean… what?

You gasped, confused by the situation and hating how easily your body responded to Winchester, despite hating to admit that you liked it.

—Annie, baby, you’re so sexy… more than I remembered. And uhm, you smell so good.

Dean murmured against your neck, and immediately your eyes rolled at the situation.

—Okay, I’m not your baby, Dean.

You said, pulling away to see Dean’s confused and almost hurt expression.

—But you said you wanted to have sex.

—Uh-huh… — you cleared your throat before continuing — Yes, we had sex in the car, and I told you I liked to sleep comfortably afterward.

—We had sex? Damn, I didn’t pay attention to what you said… I.

Dean said, running his hand through his hair and furrowing his brow.

—Yeah, Dean, because all you pay attention to are breasts.

You said, and he laughed at you, making you look at him with a slight smile on your lips.

—And butts too.

—Of course, it’s the package.

You murmured, lying back down in your old position, but before you could sleep, you heard Dean grumble.

—It’s kind of cold, isn’t it, doll? Come closer to me, please.

Dean requested, and knowing there was no point in arguing with a drunk Dean, you intertwined your legs with his and laid your head on the Winchester's chest. Hearing Dean grumble, you felt his hands moving up and down your waist, occasionally lifting your shirt. His hand slid down to your thigh and stopped at your butt, giving it a pleasant squeeze before he started rubbing his hand up and down your thigh again.

—Uhm, I think no one has a butt as good as this, doll.

Dean murmured before falling asleep, clinging to you like glue. Unlike him, you could barely close your eyes during the night, unsure if you were upset that Dean would never really like you and that he was expecting another woman or if you simply hated him too much to be comfortable with him there. Something you knew wasn’t true.

The next morning, his hands were no longer there, the bed was empty and cold, and for a second, you thought it had all been a dream.

When you went downstairs and headed to the kitchen to look for your tea in one of the cabinets, a large hand grabbed your arm and turned you around brutally.

—Hey!

You protested against the grip, which was released when Dean swallowed hard, watching your angry eyes.

—I… uhm, let me ask you a question. Did we… you know? Did we…

—Have sex? You’re the guy who has sex the most in the world and can’t directly ask if we had sex?

You said with a furrowed brow as you walked around the kitchen toward a kettle to boil your water.

—Did we have sex?

Dean’s voice sounded reluctant, and you were confused by it.

—No, we didn’t, Winchester. Your fantasies only happen in your dreams. You better see a doctor if you can’t tell the difference.

Your playful tone made Dean snort loudly and approach you once more.

—Why did I wake up in your bed then?

—Because drunk you is a big baby who doesn’t accept being contradicted and thought I was some Annie.

—Okay… and why were you wearing my shirt?

Dean asked, placing his hands on his hips.

—I’ve had it for about three years, you never asked for it back, so I thought it was no problem.

—Right… so we didn’t have sex?

He asked, walking around the kitchen while you stood still, looking at the stove.

—No, you can rest assured that your miseries didn’t touch me, Winchester.

—My MISERIES?

You heard him shout before Sam entered the kitchen.

—What’s going on?

—Nothing!

—Nothing!

You and Dean answered at the same time, and Sam narrowed his eyes at both of you, who shrugged simultaneously.

—You two are acting the same. Why?

—I have to do some research.

You said, leaving the kitchen and leaving the Winchesters behind.

It had been about three weeks since Dean had slept with you… squeezing your butt, and you weren’t sure why that still lingered in your mind. Even the two brothers had noticed something strange about you. You usually talked a lot after solving a case, which annoyed Dean the most, or so you thought. Now, you had never been quieter in the Impala.

—Are you okay, Y/N?

Sam asked, looking at the back seat where you were stretching your legs across the entire seat with your eyes closed.

—Uh-huh, just tired.

As soon as you gave that answer, silence returned to the car, except for the music that was suddenly changed by Dean, who had put on "Knockin' on Heaven's Door."

—I love this song.

You murmured, changing position in the seat when you heard thunder echoing through the sky.

—I know.

Dean murmured so softly afterward that you didn’t hear, but Sam, who was next to him, frowned while looking at his brother’s serious profile as he drove.

After two hours, the rain had started to fall, and you were far from the nearest town. Night had fallen, and the roads ahead were beyond the safety limits you allowed Dean to continue.

—Dean, it’s dangerous to drive like this.

You argued, holding the front seat to look at the two men but mainly the older one who was driving.

—Stop and do what?

—Wait for the damn rain to stop, Winchester.

—All night?

Dean scoffed, and you glared at him.

—Don’t act like we’ve never slept in the car before, for God’s sake. — not getting a response, except for a petulant Dean, you sighed loudly and narrowed your eyes, very irritated.

—If you want, I’ll stay in the damn trunk, Dean, just don’t try to kill us in the middle of the road during a storm.

And for the first time in eight years, he listened to you and stopped the car in an empty lot to wait for the storm to pass.

—Okay, I’ll go back there with…

Sam had started to speak when Dean opened the car door, got out, and then opened the back door, looking at you.

—Okay, fine, you really had to…

You started to grumble, but Dean prevented you from getting out of the car when he got into the back with you, threw his wet jacket on the floor, and said nothing but just looked at you, telling you to stay.

The two of you had never been in the same seat. You always shared with Sam, who used to let you use his long six-foot-five frame as a mattress. It wasn’t comfortable, but you and Sam didn’t complain. Now, Dean always hated nights in the car.

—What? You’re taller; you’ll be more comfortable there.

Dean explained when he caught Sam’s curious look fixed on him.

—Nothing, it’s just that Y/N and I are used to sleeping back there. If you want, you can take the front.

—If you want to switch…

Dean’s tone started to lean toward something impatient, and you, intervening to prevent a worse atmosphere, interrupted.

—It’s fine like this, and you getting out again will wet your car twice and could ruin the seat. It’s fine, Sam. Dean is right, you’re bigger, so we should stretch more.

For the first time, you agreed with Dean, and out of the corner of your eye, you saw the older one’s smile at the corner of his lips.

—I’m right.

—Shut up.

You and Sam said simultaneously before sinking into the seats somewhat uncomfortably.

An hour had passed, and somehow Sam had fallen asleep, unlike you and Dean, who were sitting with your feet on the floor, not stretching out for a minute.

—If you want, you can stretch out.

You whispered, and Dean looked at you with tired eyes.

—What if we both do? Like…

Dean said, raising his legs onto the seat and gesturing for you to do the same, intertwining your legs with his in a strange way.

—Okay, yeah, better than nothing.

You whispered softly so as not to wake Sam, and then another silence fell as both of you closed your eyes, trying to get some sleep. When you shifted again, uncomfortable, Dean opened his eyes and sighed with his head against the backrest.

— If you want, we can try something else.

He suggested.

— What?

— Come here.

Dean called you over, but you remained in the same place.

— You sleep like this all the time with Sam; come on, I don't want to hear you complaining that I caused your pain.

He insisted, and you got on your knees to move toward Dean, who had stretched out to the end of the seat where you were.

— Are you sure?

You asked hesitantly before lying on top of him.

— You're like a mini hamster, it's not like I haven't already slept with you.

— You didn't know it was me.

You said with your legs spread, one on each side of his waist. Dean's crossed arms suddenly uncrossed, and his hands landed on your waist.

— I knew afterward. Now, lie down.

His voice was firm but ended with a softness you had never heard before. When you didn't lie down, Dean pulled you down, and in one swift motion, you were sitting on his pelvis, swallowing hard at the position you were in.

— Okay.

You murmured, lying on Winchester's body. Your head slipped onto his neck, and Dean's strong arms wrapped around you in an embrace.

— It's cold, that's why I'm hugging you.

Dean tried to explain, and you just nodded your head on his neck, murmuring a small "uh-huh" that made Dean feel breathless from the vibration.

— Thanks.

— Uhm.

In the morning, your eyes opened, and in one movement, you lifted your head, observing Dean's closed eyes and the light snores escaping his mouth. You smiled slightly and widened your eyes at Sam's cough, which caught your attention. Your face turned to him, who was looking at you with a raised eyebrow.

— Shut up.

You murmured, laying your head back on Dean's chest as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

— I didn't say anything.

— But you thought it.

You murmured.

— You know he doesn't really hate you, right?

Sam asked, and you closed your eyes, trying to block out the sunlight.

— I don't know, Sam.

— If he hated you, he wouldn't let you stay close…

Sam added.

— Except for the fact that he doesn't let me stay close, Sam. Now I need to stretch.

You groaned, opening the door where your feet were and getting off Dean. Within ten minutes, Dean woke up, propped himself on his elbows, and looked at you outside the car. When you turned to look at him, Dean looked away from you.

— We should go.

He said this before getting out of the car and into the driver's seat without looking into your eyes. After an hour, you were back at the bunker, and you had never seen Dean so silent. He might not talk to you, but he was always mumbling to Sam and the walls; he was kind of like you. After three days of silence from both of you, Sam was tired of it, tired of you both not admitting your own feelings, so he sent you both to get food, which made no sense, but since you weren't talking much, you didn't complain or argue with his request. Inside the Impala, you sighed and received a sideways glance from Dean.

— Sam wants us to talk.

— About what?

Dean asked, and you shrugged, looking at the street.

— Maybe about how you've been acting like an idiot for three days? But it's not new because I'm used to it.

You said without thinking and looked at him with wide eyes.

— Oh, I've been an idiot. How have I been an idiot?

— Come on, Dean.

— What?

Dean asked irritably, and you huffed.

— What's your problem with me? I know it has nothing to do with the reason you've been sulking since we got back, but why do you hate me?

You asked, turning to him and putting one leg on the seat.

— I don't have a problem with you.

Dean denied without looking anywhere but the road, and you didn't know if you hated that or preferred him to stay focused and not kill you.

— Right.

You murmured, looking at the car ceiling, impatient with Winchester.

— What? What's the problem?

Dean asked, and you shook your head, now not looking at him.

— Nothing.

— Come on, Y/N.

Dean called you, and you laughed without any humor.

— Just drive to the restaurant, Dean.

— I don't have a problem with you, okay?

— Bullshit.

You scoffed.

— You're the one who has a problem with me.

Dean argued, and you looked at him, impressed.

— I can't believe you said that. Of course, I have a problem with you because you have one with me.

— No, I have a problem with you because you have one with me.

— Oh, come on.

You huffed, looking away, and in a quick move, Dean parked the car and pulled you close. One of his hands landed on your neck, making you look at him, and suddenly Dean's lips were on yours, in a calm kiss. Your tongues intertwined, and when you both needed air, you pulled away, startled.

— You can't do that.

You scolded him, and Dean laughed.

— Stop laughing; you can't kiss me after being weird for eight years, you idiot.

— Listen… I, uhm, I think…

Dean said, clearing his throat and scratching his neck.

— What's wrong with you, Dean Winchester?

— Everything, I'm all wrong, Y/N. I don't know how to show love because I never received love. I don't know how to be a decent guy, and I don't know how to be decent to you. I don't hate you; I just hate not being able to get close to you… damn.

Dean muttered the curse at the end of the sentence, expressing all his insecurities about what he had said.

— I think you're a pretty decent guy to me.

You said after a moment of silence, and Dean turned his gaze to you when he saw you with a slight smile.

— You never cared about me. I thought I did something and… I don't know, you never got close, so I never did either.

— I never understood what little Sammy did to keep you so close…

— He wasn't a jerk…

— Thanks…

Dean winked at you, and you laughed before pulling him into another kiss.

— Why were you acting all weird?

You asked, and Dean looked into your eyes before kissing you again.

— Sleeping with you on top of me made me think I let Sam sleep with you all those years when I wanted it to be me. I couldn't look at your face without remembering.

— Really? I thought the same thing when you squeezed my butt the night you were drunk.

You murmured between small kisses.

— I wasn't lying when I said no one has a butt as good as that.

— You remember.

You pulled away to see his face, and Dean smiled at you.

— I remember some things from that night and I confirm that I knew it was you.

[knightsickness]

Hi! I hope that I don't bother you with my question. I'm asking out of genuine interest for an analysis and also because it has been 5 years since I last read any asoiaf book.

Coming from you comparison of Cersei's and Tyrion's time as Hand, what obvious mistakes did Tyrion make? I was probably not paying too proper attention because Tyrion did a lot of sympathetic things like ending Jeoffrey's terror on Sansa, or came up with a great strategy to limit casualties during Stannis invasion. His downfall struck me as Cersei conspiring against him, and Tywin taking all the credit for the work his son did. But I feel like I missed something here, and don't have all the details. (Again genuine question, not a "how dare you imply that perfect innocent angel uwu did anything wrong" way!)

i originally wrote a much longer list for this but i think the myrcella episode sums up most of the problems w tyrions politicking in microcosm

the entire point of the scheme is to embarrass cersei and undermine her with the removal of one of her spies. a lot of tyrions moves in acok are ridiculously cersei-focused because it makes him feel good to get petty wins over her he enjoys doing kings landing spy vs spy antics. constantly asking ‘what is cersei doing? does cersei know what im doing?’ when the answer to both is invariably ‘spying on each other’. when theyre still actively fighting three major enemies all this effort to plot and spy feels like it could be focused elsewhere. the scene where they laugh at stannis and renly pettily stupidly fighting each other rather than them obviously an acknowledgment of this neither of them notice

the idea to tell all the small council members different plans and then identify whichever one he told the story cersei gets mad at him for as her spy is good on paper a lot of tyrions moves are motivated by what makes him feel clever. in practice its kind of a mess

the idea of littlefinger having harrenhal is initially proposed to him by tyrion (who notes littlefinger looks extremely excited) as a reward for him arranging a hypothetical myrcella arryn match and then snatched away annoying and alienating him. its then next raised when littlefinger has obviously requested it to kevan/the tyrells/etc as his prize after the battle of the blackwater and he gets it. this isn’t necessarily direct cause and effect littlefinger always wanted to be a big lord he could have wanted harrenhal on his own but it seems like he was told he would have it, formulated his affc taking-over-the-vale plan, and then found out tyrion was fucking with him. again getting one over littlefinger makes tyrion feel good its gratifying to have the biggest schemer at court going grr you used me as a pawn and lied to me do NOT do that shit again

one of the main strengths of the situation tyrion inherits is a hypercompetent small council he immediately sets to turning on him (petyr) and giving them dangerous personal secrets (varys) while fantasising about having all their heads on spikes over the city walls

the idea of an elaborate plan to prove pycelle of all people is an incompetent lannister toady is absurd. you can tell that by talking to pycelle once. worse this makes pycelle hatee tyrion when if tyrion hadnt noticed he is ALSO a lannister he could have benefited from this !!

the sending myrcella to dorne plot that tyrion commits to lest cersei thinks he wasn’t serious and this was a finding-the-mole ploy (in which he gave them plans so obviously shocking and upsetting to cersei that if theyre her allies theyd immediately tell her) is terrible on the face of it and in affc proves to also be terrible in practice. the two outcomes are she gets crowned or killed both explicitly to start a war with the lannisters + burning one of your two spare heirs on the outing pycelle as a fraud and annoying cersei and littlefinger plan is. misguided. its insane to me he goes through w it he could still say ohh i changed my mind + let cersei think she’s persuaded him out of it (giving her a false win) or even just say yeah i was fucking with you haha you fell into my trap and exposed your own spy but he doesnt do either

tyrion’s conclusion on the plan is ‘this doesnt actually prove i can trust varys and littlefinger. theyre just untrustworthy in a subtler way. nobody in the world is as smart as me nobody has ever been this good at politics’

[mxlti-lover]

Sick ~ pt. 2 {P.L.}

Summary: You’re sick with a bad cold, but you didn’t want your werewolf of a boyfriend to cuddle you, only to end up having to fix the feelings that you hurt.

Warnings: maybe a small bit of angst if you squint.

Word Count: 1099

Note: Hey, sorry this took a while to write, I know a few of you wanted a pt. 2 to this, so here you go! Hope you enjoy!

*Do not steal or copyright my work pls and thank you*

~ ~ ~

You ran your hands over your face as you sat there contemplating on what you were going to say.

You knew you hurt Paul bad, your words coming off a lot harsher than you had anticipated, but you needed to get out of his hold before your skin started melting off.

Okay…that was dramatic, but you get the point..

After a few more minutes, you finally got out of bed, first time all day, grabbing the tray that Paul had brought up half an hour ago, and a box of tissues as you headed downstairs.

You shivered softly as the house was a lot colder than you thought - though it was the mid December - your mind slipped freely of that idea.

You peeked around the doorway, seeing Paul in the recliner watching whatever show was on TV. You could tell by his expression though he wasn’t actually paying any attention to the show. You could tell he was somewhere else in his thoughts, whether it was about what you said to him, or something else, but either way you felt bad one of the options was because of you.

You snuck quietly into the kitchen, placing your bowl and glass into the sink. You took a wet wash cloth and wiped down the tray before putting it back in its usual spot.

You turned around determined to go talk to Paul, only for you to let out a little squeal and jump 5 ft. back as the man you wanted to see was already looking over you in the doorway.

“Jesus Paul, you scared the shit out of me!” You whisper-yelled as you knew your voice would fail you if you actually attempted to yell, your hand still resting on your chest.

“Oh, so now I scare you too, that’s great.” Paul mumbled to himself. It was very quiet, but you could still barely hear him and your heart broke at his words.

“What?! No, no, Paul, stop that. I’m sorry for what I said to you. I didn’t mean for it to come off so harshly, but I didn’t know how to tell you. I wanted to even before we cuddled, but there was no way of doing it without hurting you.” You tried to explain, looking up at him, his facial expression dropping even more.

“You mean…you didn’t want to cuddle with me at all? I mean, sure it would’ve hurt me, but I’m not upset about what you said, I’m upset with myself for making you feel even more uncomfortable than you already feel.” He spoke sadly, his eyes averting to the floor.

You frown walking over to him placing your hands on his cheeks, “Hey, look at me..” You spoke softly as his head slowly rises to meet your gaze. “You shouldn’t be upset with yourself over that. It was my fault to start, not telling you how I felt, and what I did and didn’t want. I let you cuddle me. I knew I didn’t want it because I knew it would make me uncomfortable in the long run, but I put myself in that position. So stop blaming yourself my love.”

Paul let out a small whimper before wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close to him.

“I can’t help it. You’re my lover, my soulmate, and the idea of making you uncomfortable in any situation just makes my heart sink into my ass.” He expresses, his lips meeting the top of your head with a gentle kiss

You couldn’t help yourself to laugh at the wording he used at the end.

“What’s so funny? I just admitted my feelings to you and you’re sitting here laughing at me?!” He asks pulling away looking at you amused.

You could tell he wasn’t mad, no, he was being sarcastic with you, and you couldn’t help yourself but to laugh harder.

“Your- Your heart sinks- into- into your ass?! Then what? Do you shit it out?” You asked through your laughter, your arms wrapping around your stomach, thinking you were the funniest person in the world at the moment.

Paul ran a hand over his face, shaking his head as he let out a small chuckle himself.

“This-this is why we can never be serious little miss.” Paul says reaching out tickling your side softly.

“Oh, i’m sorry, I’m not the one that just said his heart goes into his ass.” You say swatting his hand away that tickled you.

“And to answer your question, yes, i do shit it out and place it in a jar to keep.”

“Then you would be dead dumb ass!”

Your guys’ laughter echoed throughout the house, your heart feeling warm in that moment, appreciating how the two of you can communicate, pushing the hard feelings away within minutes and replacing it with love - or laughter in this case.

“Can you come cuddle me now?” You ask quietly once the laughter subsided, staring up at your imprint.

“But I don’t wa-“ He started but you cut him off. “I’m asking you to cuddle with me Paul. You won’t make me feel uncomfortable, I promise.”

You squeal has his large arms pick you up bridal-style, carrying you back upstairs.

“I could’ve walked myself, ya know.” You mused, your eyes never leaving your imprint.

“I know, but my princess is sick and shouldn’t have to walk herself back to bed though.” He says looking at you with a small smirk.

You shake your head smiling as you rest your head against his chest.

He reaches the room as he carefully places you on the bed, tucking you in with the thin blanket you wore before.

You watch as he walks over to the closet, pulling one of his sweatshirts over his head, hoping it would keep some of the heat confined behind the fabric, before crawling into bed next to you.

You knew the sweatshirt wouldn’t help much, but you immediately wrap your arms around his torso, your legs intertwining with his like they always do. You bury your face into his chest, sighing contently.

“I love you so much. I’m sorry for hurting your feelings earlier.” You mumbled against his chest.

“I love you more sweet girl. No need to apologize, you’re making up for it right now.” He spoke softly, smiling, leaning down to plant a kiss to the top of your head.

Yet another Disney movie played, as the two of you watched. His fingers ran softly through your hair as you held him close. Both of you are feeling happy and content in this moment.

~ ~ ~

Ew, I feel like this lowkey sucks and I’m so sorry😭🤚

[luvingspence]

jealousy | s.r

hey guys and gals! someone dm’d me and asked for my ops on spencer handling jealousy :) i haven’t wrote fan fics in a while but i have no problem writing stuff like this atm! i honestly just need good ideas for fan fics to get back into my groove so please if you have any ideas for stuff you’d like to see me write (no smut) go ahead and send me an ask <3

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

♡ baby spence

♡ poor baby spence would hide his jealousy :(

♡ i feel that he would be too scared of the conflict that could arise from confronting you about what you or someone else did to cause his jealousy.

♡ ESPECIALLY if you weren’t in an exclusive relationship, in his mind it wouldn’t be his place to say anything :(

♡ he would become avoidant and visibly insecure

♡ “oh, no i’m okay :)(“

♡ derek would eventually get it out of him though, as he always does!

♡ when you finally find out he would be SO apologetic even though it literally isn’t his fault😭

♡ but everything would be okay the end and you guys would kiss and make up <3 and with hard-work and communication you guys both do everything to make sure this doesn’t happen again!

♡ post-revelations spence (dilaudid addicted spencer)

♡ technically still baby spence but not. he feels so much anger, confusion and guilt during this stage of his life with everything that happened with elle and gideon and now, his addiction.

♡ for the first time in his life, he reacts with anger, as we saw with emily.

♡ he’ll become snarky, and passive aggressive without ever telling you what’s made him like that in the first place.

♡ “obviously i’m fine, can’t you tell?”

♡ it will take you a lot of pushing, and a lot of little spats to actually get the cause of his upset and anger out of him

♡ but, when you get it out of him, some yelling and crying ensues. even if your interaction with whoever it was that caused him to be jealous was entirely innocent, he’ll be in denial at first but ultimately, you apologise for making him upset unknowingly and he apologises for his reaction to the situation.

♡ i imagine you’d spend the rest of the night on his comfy little sofa in his green apartment and watch a little movie with some chinese takeout, cuddling and laughing and gossiping snd whispering sweet nothings to each other.

♡ s5-9 spence

♡ he’s older, more mature, but also less scared of confrontation. i imagine he would walk up to you and whoever it is making him jealous and insert himself in the conversation literally just to be petty😭

♡ if you’re exclusive at this point an arm is 100% getting wrapped around your waist and he’s going to bring up some date night plans.

♡ “hey, we’re still going to dinner after this right? or do you just wanna stay in tonight, sweetheart? :))))))”

♡ you’re SO confused because he doesn’t really do that like, ever? and ESPECIALLY at work so you’re even more like?????

♡ when you ask he’s just like “just thought i’d see what you guys were talking about!!!😁”

♡ although, he will eventually admit himself that he was a tad jealous BUT! that he had reason to be! that guy was all over you! (even if he actually wasn’t)

♡ you guys talk it out a bit, but it’s mostly just jokes and you teasing him for getting jealous and you definitely still go out for dinner that night :)

♡ older spence (Pre-Prison)

♡ honestly, he is significantly more secure. i think a lot of people feel that spence is perpetually insecure simply because he’s awkward, but at this point in time, he KNOWS people find him attractive.

♡ awkwardness≠insecure

♡ he absolutely wouldn’t be happy that someone was flirting with you, but he isn’t going to make a scene or grow angry.

♡ he trusts you to put a stop to it with yourself

♡ and when you do (because obviously you would, why would you want some rando when you currently have the good doctor?), a proud, cheeky little smile makes its way onto his face.

♡ in all honesty, i believe he’d even make a joke or two.

♡ “oh, what about your other boyfriend?” he’d say with a little snort

♡ you’re both very secure and trusting in this relationship so there’s no need to kiss and make up afterwards, because there was never a problem in the first place!

♡ this spence would only ever grow upset if whoever it was was very obviously making you feel uncomfortable!

♡ THEN he would go crazy. as in just a tad annoyed and worried for you. he’d approach, again not causing a scene, and make an excuse to allow you both to exit the situation!

♡ post prison spence

♡ after everything, he’s insecure again.

♡ not about you, he still trusts you of course, but he feels insecure in the sense that he feels unsafe

♡ that he could lose everything in the blink of an eye, and no one would be there to bail him out this time.

♡ therapy is helping him but only so much.

♡ i feel that he would feel a mixture of anger and sadness.

♡ sadness because someone is trying to take you from him, and anger because he can’t believe someone would even TRY to take you away from him.

♡ thankfully, with age and his therapist, he knows to communicate this. so he doesn’t hide it, but that doesn’t make it any easier for him.

♡ he requires comfort, a distraction.

♡ just be with him :)

[rrickgrrimes8]

Ho, can i just day i love your works! May i request an ellie x miller reader where maybe ellie and the reader get into an argument on the way to jackson and reader is giving ellie the silent treatment. Joel tried to help then resolve it but it doesnt work until they get ambushed by clickers and reader gets lost for a few days or sum. Then ellie and reader make up and kiss!!! Pretty pls

Never Again

summary: what makes a better lovestory than jealousy, clickers and mourning?

Ellie Williams x miller!reader (aged up) — she/her reader. Joel Miller x daughter!reader

warnings: infected, angst, fluff, making out, fluff, arguments, Dina, minor injury, happy ending

masterlist

request guidelines (new)

requests are open

thanks for the request! hope this was what you wanted! ;)

word count: 1.3k

You didn’t know how you even got here.

A small fire dwindled in front of you. Your arms wrapped around your chest, sinking into the feeling your own comfort gave you.

How did this happen?

You were just with them, with Ellie and now this… Now you were on your own, again. You wished you could take it back and you were sure, wherever Ellie was, she would agree too.

How could you let this happen?

“You’re not listening to a word I say,” You hissed, trekking, and struggling up a long flight of stairs.

Joel rolled his eyes, a little further up then the two of you for once – the wish to escape this situation outweighing the ache in his knees.

Ellie scoffed, “I listen! I am listening! You’re not even telling me what I did wrong!”

“Christ, Ellie, that’s the problem,” You huffed, turning to face her, “You don’t understand why I’m upset with you.”

The girl’s eyes soften, frowning when she saw your tears, “Tell me then.”

You shook your head, biting your lip, “You flinched, Ellie.”

“What?” She almost laughed.

Joel looked back at this point, stopping to catch his breath but instead getting a front row view of your argument. “Back in Jackson… you and Dina were talking. I came up to you. I held your hand and you fucking flinch.”

“So?” She rolled her eyes, “What does that even matter?”

“It matters b-because of her,” You spat, “Its always her, Ellie.”

Ellie huffed a laugh, shooting a look at Joel, who was not impressed, “Can you believe this? She’s fucking jealous.”

“Ellie,” He warned.

“I’m not jealous, Ellie,” You defended weakly, “I shouldn’t have to be! You’re my girlfriend, not D-Dina’s.”

“I know!” She yelled, patient growing thin, “I know! Christ…”

“You still don’t get it, do you?” You suppressed your tears.

“Get what?” She chortled, “That you’re jealous? And acting ridiculous?”

“Ridiculous?” You repeated, “You think I’m being ridiculous?”

“Yes!” Her eyes blew wide, hands emphasizing her anger.

You gulped, “Maybe if I’m being so ‘ridiculous’ you can got stay with Dina when we get back. What about that, huh? How’s that for ridiculous?”

“What?” She glanced at Joel again, this time more for help than out of amusement, “That’s not what I want.”

“Oh really?” You ignored your father, who warned you to stop, “Because that sounds like exactly what you want! You fucking flinched, Ellie!”

“So what?” She screamed, hands running over her tied back hair.

“So what?!” You exasperated, “You’re my girlfriend and all I can think about is how you want to be hers. And I mean why wouldn’t you want to be… I’m fucked. And don’t deny it, Ellie, I know, my dad knows. And one day, sooner or later you’re going to know. And you’ll end up with her... It will always be her…”

Ellie sucked in a harsh breath; you name falling from her cracked lips.

“Leave it,” You mumbled, pushing passed your dad, who watched you carefully and with concern, “Let’s just get on with it.”

Joel cursed as you stormed ahead of them, turning to Ellie with a scolding look, “Fix it.”

 Ellie nodded, shakily, guilt forming in her gut, “How?”

But Joel didn’t have time to respond. Your scream echoed down the stairwell. The pair yelled your name but all they were met with was infected, clickers, dozens, and dozens of them. They lost sight of you entirely – fearing the worst.

The rest was a blur, you thought. You couldn’t remember how many you killed or how you got out of the building, how you even survived. But you ended up here, uninjured, cold, and alone.

You cursed yourself. Because it was your fault. You picked the fight. You let your jealousy get the better of you. You ran ahead.

And now Ellie and your dad, well, they could be anywhere.

That was the scariest feeling in the whole world.

x

“She’s not here.” Tommy’s words echoed around Ellies mind.

Her and Joel, somehow, had gotten back her in one piece. Maybe because they had tricked themselves into thinking you would’ve beaten them back – that fueling their energy. But you hadn’t.

“She’s not here.”

Joel’s face switched. His eyes felt so far away. Unshed tears lining them. He looked at Ellie as if she was a stranger. Like it was her fault.

Ellie broke down straight away. She wanted to feel embarrassed about it, but she couldn’t find it in herself to be.

You weren’t here. You weren’t home. You weren’t anywhere.

Joel refused to leave the wall. He told them that they didn’t know anything, that they didn’t know you. That you would be back, you always did. You were Joel Miller’s girl after all.

Ellie locked herself into the room you shared. She hugged your pillow to her chest, her aching burning chest.

This wasn’t right.

First her mom.

Then Riley.

Then Tess.

Sam.

Henry.

Not you. Never you.

This couldn’t be how she lost you. You had been through too much for it just to amount to this. For it to amount to nothing.

She couldn’t stop crying. She feared she never would.

All she needed was you.

x

It took you three days to get back to Jackson. The weather, the infected and a hurt ankle that you had gotten on the way slowed you down tremendously.

You almost cried as you saw the gates. You picked up your speed, sprinting back home now, neglecting your limp.

A horse met you halfway. Joel cried when he saw you, alive. He knew it. He goddamn knew it.

He had never moved so fast in his life. He dismounted the horse and sprinted the short distance to you.

“Babygirl,” He pulled you into his chest, holding you like a porcelain doll.

“Dad,” You beamed, wrapping your arms around him.

“I knew it, baby, I knew you’d make it back,” Joel told you.

You nodded against him, tiredly.

“You okay?”

You pulled away from him, “Fine, jus’ my ankle.” He stared down at it, blood soaking through a makeshift bandage you had tied.

“It’s not-“

“No,” You calmed him, “Snagged it on some barbed wire – wasn’t looking where I was going.”

He nodded, taking in your features, your everything and pressed a kiss against your forehead, “C’mon… someone owes you an apology.”

You chuckled, accepting his help getting on the horse, “She okay?”

He scoffed, “Without you, no.”

Yours and Ellies door was closed when you got back home. You never thought it would look so daunting, until now. A closed door with you on the other side, with Ellie feeling so far away.

You slowed your breathing, limping until you were face-to-face with it. A sighed escaped your lips as you shakily knocked. No movement, no noise. Complete silence.

You frowned, knocking again, harder. You were met with the same.

Your hand found its way to the handle, hating how grating the noise it made was.

Ellie was motionless on the bed. Her body was molded around your pillow, tear stains becoming at once its new style. “E-Ellie,” You breathed out.

She jumped, head shooting up in your direction. Ellie cried out your name, urging you to rush to her. Her arms abandoned your pillow and made their home back on your body, on your skin.

“I’m sorry, fuck I’m sorry,” She sobbed, grip tightening, “I love you. I’m sorry.”

You smiled, kissing her shaking hands sweetly, “Its okay, Ellie. I’m sorry too.”

She shook her head, pulling you closer, as if that was possible, “You were gone.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I heard your scream,” She croaked, “I thought… not you. Not you…”

“I’m here,” You whispered, kissing up her neck, “I’m here, baby.” Ellie nodded at your words, accepting your love graciously.

Kissing along her jaw, you finally found her lips. They moved in sync, performing a dance you both knew well but at the same time the tone was different.

Ellie was more desperate. Angrier. Sadder.

You kissed her, nevertheless. Hoping to fight away those feelings.

Ellie smiled against your lips, pulling apart hesitantly. “Never go again,” She whispered, forehead falling against you, “I couldn’t bear it.”

“Never,” You told her, “Never again.”  

[r2d2lover]

Cruel Reality

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x f!Reader (Third person insert, Draco's POV)

Rating: E

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: Semi-Public Sex, Unprotected Sex, Jealousy Sex, Fingering, Blowjobs, Draco's POV

Summary:

After a messy breakup, Draco still can't get his mind off of her.

--

Snippet of something that I'd like to turn into a fic one day but I always say that. Crossposted on Ao3!

Draco walked quickly down the corridor, the heat burning in his cheeks becoming unbearable. He couldn’t even hide his frustrated sighs and ran an aggressive hand through his hair. It wasn’t hard to ignore her desperate pleas calling out for Draco to stop. In fact, it made him walk faster, almost to the point of a run. He felt ridiculous for fleeing the dungeon halls and throwing a tantrum, but he felt justified. But at the same time, he knew he really wasn’t. He was the one who broke up with her. He was the one that had to make her hate him. He was the one that decided to be nosy and walk up the stairs to check on the other prefect sectors.

It was a day shy of it being a month since Draco had broken up with his girlfriend, but the time didn’t make the pain pass. He didn’t have the mental capacity to be mad at the forcing hand of his mother in the situation or the festering wound that was the Dark Mark. No, he was more upset that he walked in on his ex-girlfriend and Harry Potter, of all people, practically having sex in the shadows of the castle. Maybe Draco was exaggerating, but its not like he stuck around to figure out why Harry Potter had his ex pinned to the wall with a visible hand running up her sides. Draco couldn’t believe that this was what was getting him worked up. Not the still burning pain in his arm or the insomnia that left him with a permanent headache. He was pretty sure she was only running after him to try and save face. He almost laughed at the idea of her begging him not to report her and Potter that he almost stopped in the middle of the hall to let it happen. Draco didn’t regret his earlier comment about Potter’s sleaziness, but he really didn’t want to try to talk to her because he was sure that he would have an embarrassing breakdown.

Draco decided that he would hide in the bathroom until she gave up and leave when she’d realize that he wasn’t actually going to go to Snape or Filch to report the two. Unfortunately, she had caught up to him right before he reached the bathroom and grabbed his arm to stop him from opening the door, causing him to cringe in an impossible pain from the pressure she was putting on the Mark. Instead of crying out like he wanted to do, he tried his best to suppress a hiss and yank his arm away. 

“Are you going to follow me into the toilet?” Draco instinctively brought his arm across his chest in an attempt to nurse the pain. He felt a little bad for the tone of voice that slipped out of his mouth from the pain, but it fit the image he was going for.

“If that’s what it’ll take for you to listen to me,” She said exasperatedly, looking rightfully concerned at his arm. “Is your arm alr-“

“Look, I’m not going to report you and your… new boyfriend if that’s what you’re worried about,” Draco said as coolly as possible. “Not worth my time.”

“I-“

“But really? Potter? Really lowering your standards, huh?” Draco jabbed, hoping it would do the trick in getting her to leave. She just let out a frustrated cry and pushed Draco up against the wall, shocking him so much that it made him forget about the pain in his arm.

“That’s the only thing you have to say to me? Do you get off on humiliating me? First the Great Hall, now this? If you hate me as much as you told everyone that you do, why can’t you just leave me alone?” She shot back, obviously spewing something she was keeping bottled up for the past month. Draco felt vulnerable, quite literally backed into a corner. He let her puff a bit before pushing off her and pinning her against the wall instead. Her unpleased look reminded Draco of a ruffled cat, making it difficult for him to really be upset.

“Listen, princess,” Draco dropped his voice tauntingly, trying to lock unwavering eye contact. “Don’t get mad at me if you’re dumb enough to decide to shag in the hallways. With Potter, no less.”

“Don’t get mad at situations that you misunderstood,” She saw through Draco’s failed attempt to keep his jealousy at bay. Before he realized how pathetic he probably sounded, he found the warm, artificial taste of strawberries that he had been craving for the past month upon his lips. He wasn’t even sure who made the first move as he tightened a surprised hand around her hair, pulling her in for a deeper kiss like he was starving and going in for another bite of food. Her hands were already interlocked behind his neck, melting his body into hers from the electric feeling running through his veins. Draco’s blind rage was gone, instead replaced by a shameless desperation for more of her. Every plight from the past month dissipated with each kiss he took without breath. In this moment, he didn’t feel guilty for lying to her when they broke up, he didn’t feel any of the familial pressure that plagued his sleep, nor could he even think about why he was angry at her in the first place. 

When she broke the kiss, Draco was temporarily snapped back to the reality where she was supposed to hate him and vice versa. They locked eye contact and without another word, Draco decided to indulge his delusion and quickly pushed her into the boy’s bathroom, muttering a locking spell under his breath. Draco didn’t think that the unspoken agreement would actually pan out, but this time, she definitely made the first move by jumping back into his arms for another kiss that rivaled the one that they just shared in the hallway. He ran his hand through her hair, savoring the missed touch. He slowly moved his hand down to her button down, dragging his fingers over the top few buttons. To his surprise, he freed her breasts easily without the need to discard any extra fabric. Curious, he moved his hand down to the hem of her skirt, brushing it to investigate if she had forgone all of her undergarments. He proved his theory right and realized what it meant. 

“I can’t believe you,” He said breathlessly, moving his lips down to her neck and moving his hand around to cup her ass. “There’s nothing that he could have done to deserve all of this.”

“Stop talking about him,” She pleaded, the desperation in her voice matched by her blind tugging at his belt buckle. Draco should’ve been mad but this empowered him. He smirked at the idea of his longtime enemy slinking back to his room sadly or even better, fruitlessly waiting for her return at the entrance of her common room. Draco dragged a teasing finger over her slit and the growing tent in his pants was almost painful when he realized how wet she was.

“Now, who got you this worked up?” Draco whispered tauntingly, planting another kiss at the nape of her neck.

“Y-You. Ah. You, Draco,” She slurred as Draco inserted a finger. He pressed her against the wall for better support. Her head rocked forward to his chest as her knees started to buckle into his touch. She was pushing him past insanity. He let out a tsk, straightening her back up against the wall to look at him. Draco let out a hiss when she reached around his arm to firmly squeeze his bulge, relieving some of the pressure building in his pants but he couldn’t let it distract him. He added another finger, beginning to fuck her with unrelenting speed as she drew out an incoherent string of his name over and over. For Draco, this was music. He met her mouth again, moving his thumb over his clit. Draco smiled into her lips as she was unable to return the kisses due to her moaning. He felt the familiar feel of her walls starting to clench around his fingers and her breathing quickened to a pant. Draco pressed his forehead against hers, watching her reaction as he removed his fingers to bring her to the same edge of delirium that he was standing on. 

“Draco… Please… I’m so close. I was so close,” She cursed, begging unashamedly. Reality was truly suspended at this moment. Their dynamic remained that same as if they were still dating, as if the last month didn’t happen.

“Be a good girl and you will,” Draco bit his lip as he stared into her look of desperation. He took a small step back and started to undo his belt while she dropped to her knees without instruction and took over. When she set the first lick up his shaft, he barely caught himself on the wall behind her from the surge of lust that almost made him crumble. He tangled his hands in her hair, brushing any pieces away from the front of her face. She let him guide her around him, fighting to keep his composure. “Just… Just like that.”

Draco’s voice was husky from bewilderment. When he hit the back of her throat, he swore he could’ve finished at that moment. He let out a low groan, pulling at her hair. She wasn’t on him for long, but he was afraid of finishing too early. Draco pushed her off softly, rolling his eyes back into his head when she removed her mouth with a pop. He used the grip on her hair to encourage her to stand up, pressing her back firmly against the wall. He removed his hand from her hair and used the same arm to hook underneath her leg, pulling her closer and taking a moment to take a deep breath of her comforting perfume. He used his free hand to undo another button off her top, sliding a wandering hand to her breasts. A soft chorus of “please, Draco” fell from her lips, despite knowing it was best not to beg. She was lucky that he was as impatient as he was. In a swift movement, he slid himself in her slickness, sharing a moan of relief with her. 

Draco let her stay seated for a moment, dizzy from the pleasure and wanting to savor this moment. A quick thought flashed thorough his head that as soon as they were finished, they’d go back to being a burnt-out flame. The worrying thought began to clash with the high of the moment, so he removed his hand from her breast to create a backstop between her head and the stone wall. His first few thrusts created an awkward rhythm that he was trying to build up in order to prolong the moment. Nevertheless, she threw her head forward into the crook of his neck mumbling his name and leaving sloppy kisses where ever she could. He pulled her head back to look at him, drinking in her sinful look of matched pleasure that manifested in drooped eyelids and a cute flush across her cheeks. She reached up and kissed him again, encouraging him to pick up the pace. The messy sounds of skin on skin along her almost melodic moaning created a rhythm that Draco tried to keep up.

“Draco… I’m. so close. Can I- ah! Can I please cum?” Her sweet request was too good to deny. He moved his hand again, this time to draw close, tight circles around her clit and she threw her head back in a wail, sliding down the wall. She pushed her pelvis as close as she practically can, letting out the same hungry pleas from before.

“Cum for me,” Draco crooned, smiling at the formality that she had allowed him and watched hungrily as her eyes rolled with her release. She clenched impossibly tight around him, and he had forgotten how the feeling of her warmth only got better as she finished around him. He teetered on the edge of his own orgasm and she knew that. She lazily leaned her head forward, whispering into his ear.

“Only you fuck me this good,” She drew out. Her filthy words were just what Draco needed and the delirium set in.

“Can I cum in you?” Draco practically begged, his voice just above a whimper. When she breathed out a shaky “yes,” Draco fell in one last thrust before holding her as close as he could and let out a final groan. He wish he could’ve prolonged the high of spilling into her, especially since she was peppering sloppy kissed all over his jaw and cheek. He pulled out and took another deep look into her eyes, matching her heavy breathing. 

Draco helped her clean up and as he was redoing his belt and she was buttoning up her shirt back with the same flush splashed across her cheek, reality came crashing down. He choked down a cough, unable to find anything to say to her. He didn’t know how to answer a “what are we” question if she asked. Instead, her reached out again to cup her face, running a thumb over the apple of her cheek. He managed to form a quick sentence, forgoing any fear of how pathetic he could sound.

“I’m sorry.”

[ksywoo]

8:30 pm / l.sm

pairing: lee seokmin x reader pronouns: not specified word count: 1.6k genre: established relationship, fluff, suggestive, a little bit of angst but not really warnings: kissy kissy fic hehe, dk gets a little handsy where reader is insecure about their body but he reassures them, also.. tummy/waist kisses <3 note: me posting a fic for the first time in over a year and it's mostly just kissing ... hey guys .. also im embarassed when i write things like this so im gonna go hide al;skdjf sorry if its cringe or garbage BYEEE

masterlist

You felt the bed dip towards your feet, but you didn't look up to greet the boy, still upset about your argument from earlier. You continued reading, not acknowledging his presence. 

Seokmin crawled towards you slowly, as if trying to go unnoticed, and slid under your arms and buried his face in your neck so you were unwillingly half hugging him. His body rested between your legs and his arms around your torso, trying to be as close as possible. 

When you felt his lips against your neck, you got his attention. “Seokmin.” Your voice was even and stern, telling him you weren't messing around. 

He froze as if you wouldn't know he was there if he just didn't move a muscle or make a single sound. 

“Bold of you to do that after what just happened,” you pointed out.  

He propped himself up on his elbows by your hips and lifted his head so your faces were inches from each other. He was frowning, and looked guilty. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I really really am.” 

You sighed, leaning forward to kiss his lips briefly, trying to express that you still loved him even though he pissed you off. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” you mumbled with a small smile, already feeling the last remnants of your anger fade away. 

“I’m serious,” his frown deepened. “I’m really sorry. 

You leaned over to set your book on the nightstand. “I know.” You held his face with both of your hands while he continued to apologize. 

“How do I make you not hate me anymore?” he asked between the kisses you were giving him. 

“Seokmin,” you chuckled. “I don't hate you. Never have, never will.” 

“But you're mad at me.” 

“I’m not mad.” 

“But I’m a horrible boyfriend who never spends time with you.” 

“You aren't a horrible boyfriend. It’s not your fault you're so busy with work, I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I should take it out on, like, your managers or something because they're giving you guys extra work, but not you.”

“But it’s my fault for not always making time for you when I’m not working though.” 

One of your hands stayed on his face, thumb stroking his cheek, while the other went to his back to pull him a little closer. You could feel his muscle through his shirt and it made you wonder if he was tired from dancing all day, building that muscle. 

“You’re here now though, aren't you?” 

He nodded but still frowned, so you kissed the pout off his lips. 

“I’m sorry for making you feel like you weren’t being good to me. I was never mad at you, just frustrated at the situation. I shouldn’t have yelled at you earlier. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He nodded again. “Does that mean you aren't going to be stern with me again if I kiss you?” 

You laughed and he took that as a good sign, leaning up to kiss you long and sweet, no more of those short pecks you were giving him before. 

The thing about Seokmin was he was the sweetest boy in the world and his kisses were just as sweet and innocent when he wanted them to be. The other side of him was more rare and reserved for the privacy of your bedrooms, and gave you just as many butterflies as his regular kisses. 

He lifted himself up to sit right next to you, immediately tugging on your waist gently. “Come here,” he requested. You complied, shifting to sit on his lap with your knees on either side of his legs. 

You reconnected your lips, letting out a shaky breath as you felt his hands lightly trail up your legs and gently squeeze your thighs. His fingers lit paths of fire as he fiddled with the hem of your shorts, softly brushing against your skin and you wondered if he even knew that he was doing it, or if he was unintentionally muddling your brain with his touches. 

Shifting slightly, you ran your fingers through his hair and gently tugged as your mouth wandered away from his and made its way to his cheek, pressing one small kiss to the freckle by his nose, then to his jaw, and below his ear. 

With your bodies pressed together, you could feel his breathing become unsteady as your lips met his neck. He wiggled under you, trying to not make any embarrassing sounds that would make you laugh and ruin the moment. 

You started kissing one spot low on his neck that you knew could be covered by some of the shirts he owned, when one of his hands slid to your waist, pulling you even closer and squeezing a specific part of your body that made you pause. 

Seokmin hummed at your hesitance, turning his head to try to look at you while finding his voice. Your face was still in his neck, lips just barely hovering over his skin. “What?” he asked after a few moments of you not moving. “Did I do something?” 

“Nothing,” you mumbled unconvincingly, lips brushing against him like feathers before kissing him again. You reached behind you and took the hand on your waist by the wrist, pulling it off you and back onto your leg. 

“You want me to only touch your thighs?” he tried teasing, but sounded so in love it was hard to take it in a dirty way, even as he started squeezing them again. 

You hummed against his neck but when he moved to hold your waist again, you pulled away, repeating your action of moving his hands before you kissed his mouth. 

Seokmin pulled away more determinedly and frowned at you. “Seriously, what’s wrong? What am I doing?” 

You tried brushing it off, distracting him by kissing him again but he dodged the kiss and put both of his hands on your shoulders. 

“Tell me. Are you hurt or something?” he asked genuinely, looking down and lifting the bottom of your shirt to see if you had a bruise or cut that he was irritating, but you pushed his hands away, pulling your shirt back down. 

He looked like a kicked puppy. The way he could change from being completely dazed while kissing you to fully alert and concerned about your health at the drop of a hat always left you stunned. How was he already able to think coherently? 

He called your name softly and you blinked a few times. “What?” 

“Why do you not want me to touch your side? Am I making you uncomfortable?”

“No, I just… don’t like my waist... and hips or whatever…” you trailed off, mumbling more with each word, hands slipping off his shoulders but still holding onto his arms. 

Seokmin looked so offended and hurt that you almost thought you said something negative about his body. “You don’t?” 

You pursed your lips and shook your head slightly. “It’s not a big deal. Just one of those weeks where insecurities amplify, you know?” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Why are you sorry?” you asked with a small laugh, moving some of his bangs out of his eyes. 

“Because you don't like your body like I do.”

“You're not going to tell me I’m stupid?” 

“Of course not. It’s not stupid to be insecure, you can’t control it.”

“What would you know about that, Mr. Perfect?” you teased, poking his muscley stomach through his shirt. 

He frowned. “Hey, I’m insecure about things too. I just don't think about them when I’m with you because you make me feel so handsome.”

“You are so handsome,” you confirmed, kissing his nose as you wrapped your arms around his neck. 

He scrunched his face but broke out into a grin. “I love you,” he said honestly. “You’re perfect the way you are. Even if you change, you’ll still be perfect.” 

“You’re so cheesy,” you groaned, making him laugh and capture your lips. 

“Can I do something?” he asked innocently, making you narrow your eyes skeptically. 

“What?” 

He pulled you off his lap, repositioning back to how you were first laying, you propped up on pillows and him laying between your legs. Except this time, he was laying farther down, hands holding him up to hover over your stomach. 

“Can I?” 

“Can you what?” you asked nervously. 

“Kiss you,” he answered sweetly, as if there wasn't a mischievous glint in his eyes. 

You knew what he meant. And it made your heart skip a few beats thinking about how sweet he was all the time. You nodded and he gave you one last reassuring kiss to your lips before going back to your stomach, lifting up the hem of your shirt just enough to place a kiss on your belly. 

He glanced up at you, keeping his lips on your skin, and you're pretty sure you died right there at how beautiful he was. Your hands went to his hair to play with the soft strands as he slowly trailed kisses to your side, where you inhaled sharply with worries and insecurities. Your self-deprecating thoughts slowly faded away as he rubbed part of your waist before placing a soft kiss, repeating the action on both sides all over. 

Maybe some of his kisses were a little harsher with a little more teeth, leaving small colored reminders of how much he loved you, but despite still not liking every part of your body, you did love how much Seokmin tried to make you love yourself. He wasn't a cure for being insecure, but he did help you forget. 

[mellifiedprincess]

This was wrote very quickly, sooo not really sure if it’s good or not :/

“Good morning campers! I’m your host Nick Sturniolo.” There’s a slight pause before your eyes drift over to your boyfriend. “Matthew Sturniolo here.”

“Chrizzz.”

“And welcome back to the Cut the Camera podcast.” You can hear the joy in Nicks voice as he continues the intro. Your head is placed in Nicks shoulder, arms wrapped around one of his, in search of comfort.

Usually, you find comfort in the arms of your boyfriend. But not today. Today he and Chris have betrayed your trust, and therefore you are forced to cling to Nick against his free will.

“Of course I can’t continue without explaining why Y/N is glued to my side. For those who are not watching this on youtube, normally Y/N and Matt would be sitting together. Being gross and all that, but not today.” Nick pauses, looking at you before switching his eyes from Matt to Chris.

“Would anyone like to explain?” Before either of the boys can even think about speaking, your body lunges forward to grab Nicks mic. “Matt and Chris are evil spawns of satan and deserve to be put in solitary confinement.” You glare at the stupid laughing idiots sitting across from you and sink back down next to Nick.

“JESUS Y/N/N!” Chris can barely get words out from laughing at your outburst. “Kids wanting us locked up.”

“Nick! Make him shut up before I punch his stupid face.”

“Alright sweetheart.” Nick laughs and gives your arm an affectionate rub.

“Chris cut it out. Leave her alone.” Matt finally speaks up, his lopsided grin giving away the fact he finds the current scared state his girlfriend is in to be amusing. His eyes meet yours and even though he knows you’re not seriously upset with him, he still wants to apologize profusely and shower you with affection.

“Will you please come over here and sit by me?” He pleads with you, but you’re not having it. “No!” You huff out and squeeze Nicks arm even tighter.

“Ohhhkay, moving on.” Nick interrupts before things escalate. “The reason Y/N and Matt are mad at each other-“

“I’m not mad at my girlfriend. I miss her and want her over here with me!” Matt cuts Nick off with a tone one could only describe as…pouty. “Maybe if you didn’t try to paralyze me with fear and send me into cardiac arrest, I wouldn’t be over here with Nicky praying on your downfall.” With that you cross your arms and purse your lips, that same glare from earlier back.

An audible whine leaves your boyfriend’s lips. A whine. He was actually trying to kill you.

“Can I tell the viewers what happened? Or am I gonna keep getting interrupted?” After everyone finally quiets down, Nick continues.

“So, many of you may not know this about our angel of a friend Y/N, but one of her biggest fears is things/people running at her.” You can clearly see the amusement on the triplets faces, because of how ridiculously funny the situation is to them. It wasn’t to you though. “It could literally be a baby crawling towards her super fast and the girl is screaming and frozen with fear.”

Before Nick starts to speak again, Chris starts laughing uncontrollably once again. “Remember when we went to that haunted house thing for halloween and at the end, like after you make it back outside, there was that guy holding a chainsaw-“ You already knew what he was talking about, one of the scariest moments of your life.

“Christopher don’t!” Your tone is one of warning, and your eyes widen at the memory that haunts you daily. (Dramatic much?)

Of course, that fucker continues anyway. “No wait, this is one of my favorite Y/N/N stories. Chris has to tell it.”

“You traitor!” You point an accusing finger at Nick, who only laughs at you. “I can’t trust any of you!” You quickly move to sit by Matt after that, a satisfied grin makes its way onto his face and he wraps his arms around you as soon as you’re next to him.

And as soon as your body falls into his, any fear you had diminishes instantly. Like your body knew the safest you would ever feel was anywhere in his proximity. You feel his lips press against your temple, before making its way across your cheek, and then finally turning your head a little to give you a proper kiss on your lips.

“And the barf mobile has arrived.” Nick deadpans. “Fuck off.” You and Matt deadpan in unison.

“Alright when I come running at you with a chainsaw, don’t say shit.”

The image of Nick running at you makes you curl into Matt’s side even more. “Alright, stop scaring her. She literally won’t sleep tonight and will probably make me go with her to the bathroom every time she has to use it.”

“You’re funny if you think I’m not making you go with me to the bathroom after the shit you and Chris pulled.”

Matt can only grin down at you, he was just happy that you were back beside him. Codependency is a bitch <3

“Alright, back to what Matt and Chris did to Y/N. Y/N, you wanna start the story off?” Nick directs the attention on to you and you start playing with Matt’s fingers as an anxious habit.

“Let’s start off with the fact, I was in the middle of cooking dinner for these idiots and I thought I was still the only one home.” You watch Chris cover his mouth to try to hide his smile, ultimately failing.

“I heard something from downstairs and thought maybe Chris left his patio doors open and an animal got in. Wouldn’t be the first time. So, I put my investigation skills to the test and went to see what it was. Anyone want to guess what it was?” You pause for dramatic effect, looking around the table for a moment.

“It was my lovely boyfriend and dumbass best friend standing at the bottom of the staircase with creepy ass masks on. And as soon as they saw me they start running up the stairs towards me!” A shiver of fright runs through your body at the scene replaying in your head.

“And what did your fight or flight instincts tell you to do?” Matt asks, already knowing the answer since he saw it firsthand. “I don’t have fight or flight instincts. I have freeze instincts. BECAUSE I WAS FROZEN FROM FEAR!”

And at your outburst, the three brothers start laughing uncontrollably, Matt earning a slap to his chest as his body shakes from how hard he was laughing.

“And what makes it even worse is when my body finally registered I needed to move my fucking ass, I ran to our room and immediately called Matt.”

“Awe baby, I’m so sorry.” He’s quietly laughing now, pulling you even closer to his body. “I promise I won’t scare you like that ever again.” You cut your eyes at him and plants a kiss to your cheek, trying to convince you.

“Maybe not intentionally, but Y/N/N literally gets scared if you look at her for too long.”

Chris was right, but he didn’t have to call you out like that.

“I will hide every can of pepsi you bring into this house.” You threaten and watch as his mouth drops open in shock, before he fucking. starts. staring. you. down.

“CHRIS! Cut it out!” Matt yells at his younger brother when he realizes he’s trying to scare you again.

“You are all very bizarre.” Nick shakes his head and gets ready to move on to the next topic.

[mxqdii]

angst to fluff matt sturniolo but he's stubborn about talking it out with reader so it lasts long to the point where reader gets frustrated yk? maybe this is too specific 😭 also if u do this, do it however!!

did you mean it? - m.s

pairings: matt sturniolo x reader

summary: matt accidentally says "i love you" and just pretends it never happened, leaving the reader sad and conflicted.

warning(s): angst, confession, crying? (idk help 😭)

"this is why i fell in love with you" he says and i freeze

he loves me?

i look at him, blank expression on my face

(which is definitely not how my mind is reacting)

his face turns bright red

"you-" i start but get interrupted

"i didn't mean it like that" he says and i feel my heart drop

"oh, okay.." i say, almost in a whisper

my heart just shattered into a million pieces. matt, my boyfriend, the love of my life, doesn’t mean it like that.

we continue making dinner, the awkward silence filling the room.

suddenly nick and chris come downstairs, and for some reason i'm actually thankful for it.

they start talking to us but my mind is elsewhere, maybe it's my fault. i mean, i didn't say it back fast enough which could've caused matt to second guess, or he just didn't mean it, or-

"y/n you there?" nick says and i snap out of my thoughts

"yeah! yeah im here.." i say with a dry tone and a short smile

i'm too upset to be cheerful right now.

we finish making dinner and finish eating, which is when me and matt decide to watch a movie.

throughout the film, i noticed how matt started acting like nothing happend

i hate it.

i feel like we should at least talk about it, or like.. mention it again?

maybe it wasn't that big of a deal

maybe i should let it go

or maybe, matt is being stubborn.

"matt" i say, abruptly

"yes love?" he says and i feel shivers go down my spine

do i really wanna ruin this? now?

i just am so in my head i cannot leave things like that.

"i- uh.." my words get caught in my throat and i feel like i can't get out what i wanna say

maybe it's for the better.

"i'm gonna go, home- yeah." i say

"oh, okay." he answered

i quickly grab my keys and jacket, saying bye to nick and chris, then giving matt a quick hug and immediately leaving.

fuck fuck fuck, what do i even do.

i get home and feel a sense of lonliness, emptiness fill me.

i can't help but burst into tears

i messed up

i don't know why my mind immediately went to it being my fault, i guess that's just my instinct, matt was actually the one who noticed i always assumed things were my fault, so he would always reassure me thing's weren't.

after that whole situation earlier though, things are different this time.

the thought of matt makes me cry harder.

minutes pass, then hours, and suddenly its been a day.

it's currently 10pm, the last time i heard from matt was yesterday, when i left his house actually..

i've been crying all day just watching TV

i am a mess.

suddenly i get a knock on the door

i wipe my tears, running to the bathroom to make sure my nose and eyes arent red anymore (which thankfully arent)

i look fine, i look like i've been fine.

perfect.

i run back to the door, quickly opening it, knowing i've kept whoever waiting long enough

matt.

i go speechless, like, i literally don't have the words, and even if i did, i'm not sure what i'd say.

"you're a mess" he says, breaking the silence

"i'm not a mess" i exclaim and he looks down with a laugh

"i can tell you've been crying" he adds on, confirming his 'i'm a mess' comment.

fuck, this boy knows me too well.

i open the door wider, gesturing him to come in.

"so.. why are you here.." i ask and he turns around to face me

"because i'm stubborn and you're frustrated." he replies, causing me to look at him in confusion

"i've never lied to you, until last night. i do love you y/n, i should've said it but i just- i couldn't. and then i got scared and tried to ignore it, causing me to be distant. but every second we didn't talk i was thinking about it- i was thinking about you."

all this information is too much for my slow brain to process

"so you- you meant it? you love me?" i repeat and he steps closer to me

"yes y/n, i love you" he states and i smile

he puts his hands on my waist and kisses me

we pull away, still inches away from eachother

"i love you too matt."

TAGLIST:

@strniolo @stargirlv0id @annaisabookworm

[bau-drabbles]

haunted

emily, one of your close friends in the bau, comes back and after months of crying over her death you're not sure how to feel. it hurts the most when the deception also comes from aaron, the man you've loved for so long

a/n: idk how i feel about it. it's very rushed because half of it was deleted and i couldn't be bothered to go back and rewrite it properly.

aaron hottie angst again because his pain is so beautifully upsetting. kinda long so enjoy 🤍

part 2 :)

"everybody, have a seat" aaron's voice is more tense than usual, as if he was about to announce some bad news. your heart races but you walked in, grabbing a seat next to morgan. jj stands beside hotch and she looks almost worried, toying with her fingers. your brows knitted in confusion, wondering what was so urgent

"why, what's going on? everything all right?" spencer asked, his brow raised.

"seven months ago, i made a decision that affected this team. as you all know, emily had lost a lot of blood after her fight with doyle," hotch began

"but the doctors were able to stabilize her and she was airlifted from boston to bethesda under covert exfiltration. her identity was strictly need-to-know. and she stayed there until she was well enough to travel. she was reassigned to paris where she was given several identities, none of which we had access to for her security" he finishes but there's pin drop silence in return. his arms had folded over awaiting a response but everyone was shocked to say a thing

your heart feels like it's plummeted at the bottom of the earth, the breath completely knocked out from your lungs. you hope someone announces its a big joke but hotch looks at all of you expectantly. jj has her head slightly bowed, unable to make any eye contact and its then you realise she knew all along.

"she's alive?" you didn't even think you said it out loud but aaron looks at you, his brows in a tight frown. you see the truth spilled on his face and it stings immensely knowing how he saw you in your vulnerable moments and still decided not to say a thing

he knew all along

"but we buried her" someone else says but at that point you completely blank out, sinking further in your seat. hoping the ground would swallow you whole and remove the burden crushing your heart.

"as i said, i take full responsibility for the decision. if anyone has any issues, they should be directed toward me" aaron looks at you again but you don't bother looking in his direction.

all those times, every single tear, every second of sadness, all of it was.... fake?

"any issues?? yeah, i got issues-" morgan started, standing up towards hotch. but he doesn't go far for garcia speaks again. her eyes are brimmed with tears, walking quickly towards the door

"oh, my god" and you turn, unable to register the vision in front of you

"i am so sorry, i really am. not a day went by that i didn't want to...really, i... you didn't deserve that and i'm so sorry" the voice you thought you'd never hear again in this lifetime spoke. there she genuinely was, in the living breathing flesh. garcia grabs her in a hug and they share a tearful laugh about something you can't hear.

"there is so much i want to tell you guys and-and i will, i promise" the woman you spent crying in private about for weeks was now alive, like nothing had even happened.

garcia embraces her tight again and jj, morgan, rossi and reid followed suit.

it doesn't comprehend there she genuinely was, actually physically standing there. so many emotions had run through you, unclear of which one it was. all you can think about was her in your arms actively dying and you crying as you screamed for medics to come.

so you remained silent, while everyone had hugged her you stood just looking. unsure of what to feel, unsure over how to act. it felt foreign and you get lost in the reality of the situation, not realising she had made her way towards you

"y/n..." emily walked closer a smile on her lips but you couldn't reciprocate it. how could she so... nonchalanant about everything? those nights you spent crying, the nights your heart had felt so hollow in your chest, all of that burned in your mind.

the anguish, the pain, the guilt, all of it was an illusion.

and aaron, the man with whom you had trusted with your whole life glanced at you through the corner. he doesn't know what to say, what could be said? unintentionally he had lied to you, comforted you through pain that didn't even exist. he saw you vulnerable after her death, he was the one that pieced you back. and now it felt like all the parts he held together were coming undone.

"emily" you nod, a tight lipped smile on yours. even just being in her presence is enough to tip you over the edge so you distract yourself, holding the file. how strange, a mere seven months ago you two were the closest of friends.

and now you barely even knew her

"i-" she opens her arms slightly to embrace you but you open your hands to give her the information. touching her felt too soon, you needed some time to think.

"this is the file with doyle and everything going on with the kid. we don't have time to spare" you nod, quickly hand it to her and walk straight for the coffee. it wasn't caffeine that was going to help you tonight but it didn't hurt to try

•••

"hey..." morgan finds you staring blankly at the wall with the pictures, trying to find the next step in the kidnapping. and no matter how much you tried to regain your composure, it cracked piece by piece. exposing your facade and your true feelings behind the matter.

you were determined to keep a straight front for your team but every time you saw emily and jj and especially hotch, it felt like a challenge you weren't sure you'd win

"hey" you continue to take through the information, trying to piece the murder but there's so much on your mind it all feels like its vanishing in the air. like nothing is registering in your brain.

"hey" jj comes in and you stiffen up, quickly catching some files and exiting the room. she calls your name but you simply walk straight for the hallway. true, it was a childish thing to do but you couldn't look at any of them without the overwhelming urge to break down.

aaron, however, catches you in the hallway and you step back not wanting to even touch him, unable to look at his deceiting face.

"i know what you've been through. i understand that you're angry but i hope that you understand that this is not about you or me. this was about saving emily" his tone is sharp, firm but you see the hurricane of emotions in his eyes.

the most dominant being sorrow. but that wasn't enough for you, you almost wanted him to experience the pain you'd felt.

"why do you care about what i think hotch? it never mattered before, evidently" you match his tone in return, trying to go about him.

"y/n i know you're disappointed how we handled emily but it wasn't in our control, we couldn't say anything" he stops you and you don't even want to look at him, he knew how hard it had been on you. and he still didn't breathe a word of her survival.

"you couldn't or you wouldn't?? don't pretend to care what i've been through hotch. i came to you crying for weeks on end and not once did you have the decency to tell me the truth. not fucking once. what did you expect? i'd hug prentiss and all would be well? give me a break" you scoffed, pulling away from him. he stood stunned for a moment, his brows scrunched in a confused frown

"i know and i understand-" "i don't think you do. we have a kid that's about to die hotch, now is not the time" you utter, glaring as you walked by him.

•••

the plane ride was silent, moreso than usual. you noticed the glances your team was giving you but as long as the job was done efficiently, there wasn't really anything to say, you'd talk on your own time. just you and your book was enough for now.

all that was interrupted when a voice cut in. a voice you thought you weren't ready to hear just yet

"declan is little shaken up but the doctor said he'll be fine" she smiled at you, eyes looking at you but you refused to make any contact

"good. we got there in time" you commented, turning the page.

"yes..." she taps her fingers on the table, unsure on how to continue the conversation. part of you hopes she walks away, not ready to listen to her just yet.

"well we're going to rossi's tomorrow night. i want to see if he really can cook. are you coming?" she asked hopefully, a small smile on her lips

"i don't know, i'm not so sure i can make it" you leaned your elbow on the armrest, continuing to read the same sentence until she left.

"look, l/n, i know you're mad at us because we didn't tell you what really happened, and... i understand that. but i promise you, we had no choice" she begins and she sighs a little before looking directly at you.

"you mourned one friend, i mourned seven" she chuckled lightly, trying to make you see from her perspective. but you couldn't, the betrayal rang far too loudly in your ears.

his especially

"it's not a competition emily" you put your book down, directly looking at her eyes. everything you had been bursting to say left your lips before you could even comprehend it.

"you didn't carry my coffin, you didn't cry over someone that was presumably dead. do you know how many times i was angry at myself for not doing more? i kept replaying that moment when i held you, near enough lifeless and completely covered in blood. and all i could do was beg you to breathe and stay with me. you didn't take medications because every time you closed your damn eyes, all you could see was your dead friend in her own blood did you? don't pretend we're the same emily, you have no idea what i went through" with every word, you could feel the anger boiling deep inside of you. the annoyance coursing through your veins like wildfire.

"you could've given us a hint, a sign, anything to indicate proof of life. but i had to hold the pain over your death for months. so forgive me if i don't want to go through that again" your tone was sharp, picking up your book back to indicate the conversation was over

"y/n i'm sorry i-" she began softly but you shook your head

"look emily, i appreciate what you're trying to do. really. and i'm happy that you're back but i need time and space too. i can't do this job efficiently otherwise. so please..." you indicated for her to leave and she reluctantly stood up, wanting to say a million words. but none of them seemed quite correct

you hoped no one would come and try to talk, just wishing this plane ride would end quickly and you'd be in the safe sanctuary of your bedroom

and for once your wish is granted

•••

the precinct was empty, dark and cold. replicating how you felt on the inside.

your bag was in your office and you hoped everyone was gone, you couldn't handle seeing their faces.

it was hard, because on the one hand your friend was back. you wanted to rejoice, and hug her so tight but the way it all happened... it felt wrong.

"y/n" and there it is. the voice you definitely didn't want to hear tonight

"aaron" you reply in response, turning around to face him. he looks dishevelled, almost as if he had to run to catch you back here. on any other day before, it would've made you fawn over his adorableness but it didn't stir a thing in you now.

"i know what i did was inexcusable. i know you're hurt, i know it could've been handled better. i realise that but you have to understand that this wasn't my order. if you had known, it would've put you in a compromising position too" he comes close until he's standing a foot away. his eyes are aligt with an emotion you've never seen him use before, pleading

"i just can't get over it hotch. i'm so happy she's back and under different circumstances i would've celebrated it. but i can't because you lied to me. for months and months" you want to fall in to his arms, to forget about everything that had transpired tonight but it would solve nothing. so you stay where you are, the ache in your heart growing by the minute.

"and for that i deeply apologise" before, this would have solved your problems. but now it felt like the gasoline added to the fire.

"you don't care about me aaron and i'm fooling myself if i keep pretending that everything is okay"

"i do y/n, i just need time. i just-"

"how much time?? how much longer can i be expected to wait?? how much longer can i pretend that you actually care about me-"

"i do care!" "oh you do?? you watched me cry for months. does that sound like caring? and you never want to progress further in this. how can i be with someone who doesn't care? emily coming back was just the icing. you'd use anything and anyone to get what you want hotch. you don't care about anyone, much less me"

"is that what you think of me?" he whispers, eyes narrowing at you

"it's what i know of you. from the moment i met you to now. i thought it was fine at first. but i can't do it. do you have any idea how.... hard it is to love you?" every word was a dagger to his heart, twisting and twisting until it was difficult to breathe.

"i'm done. i need a break. from you, from the bau, from everyone" you let out a shaky sigh, hugging your bag closer to your body. the man before you was your lifeline and now it felt like you were drowning in the depths of him. the only way to save yourself would be to remove yourself from his grasp, to pretend that he, your lover, never existed. he was aaron hotchner, your boss. he would never be the man you were so desperately and hopelessly in love with.

"y/n please don't-"

"i'm taking my holidays. don't contact me, don't find me. i just really.... don't want to see you ever" with that you stormed out of the room, away from him and his presence. away from his beautiful face you came to adore, away from all the memories you would forever cherish until your last breath.

but no amount of miles between you both could ever be enough