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steddiealltheway · 2 years ago

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Has this been done yet? (Oh, this is so much longer than intended)

Everyone knows Eddie is in love with Steve. It's not like he really tries to hide it. He's always flirting with him, taking up all his personal space, and finding excuses to constantly hang out with him.

The only person who refuses to believe this is Steve. He insists that Eddie is just dramatic, so all his feelings are larger than life, and flirting is just second nature to him. Really, it means nothing. Although Steve wants it to mean something.

He's come to terms with being bisexual after a quick discussion with Robin about what his feelings for Eddie meant. And really, after discovering a universe that is the parallel Hell to his own, being bi is the least of his concerns.

On the other hand, Eddie Munson is one of his greatest concerns. Every time Eddie flirts with him, his brain goes perfectly blank. And it doesn't help that Steve gets so distracted by the man's damn lips. But Steve can tell it's all just a part of who Eddie is. He draws people in until they're utterly enamored with him, and his means of flirting is his way of drawing Steve in.

Honestly, hearing everyone trying to convince him that Eddie has feelings for him just makes Steve uncomfortable because none of them have confirmation from Eddie about it. And it just fills the room with a weird tension whenever Eddie and Steve are with anyone else. Eddie has brought it up a few times with a quick whispered, "Why is everyone staring at us?" And Steve just brushes it off until Eddie moves onto some random topic that has Steve dropping everything he's doing to listen.

But one day when Eddie's at Family Video, he's grabbing a tape and suggesting him and Steve should watch it at nine that night. Steve instantly agrees which has Eddie fanning himself and flirting, "Watching a movie with the Steve Harrington. How will I ever be able to recover?"

Steve leans in and finally flirts back, "It's a date." Which has Eddie freezing in a place a moment before he clears his throat and slow-mo punches the counter.

"It's a date," Eddie confirms without his usual bravado that has Steve finally noticing it. The dilated pupils, the way his eyes flicker to his lips, the way he licks his lips when he leans in, and just the general soft look he gets when he looks at him.

Eddie likes him. And Steve is about to pull out all the moves at his trailer tonight.

Eddie leaves a bit after that, not sticking around like he usually does, but he tells Robin he has a date to prepare for when she comes out of the breakroom. As soon as he's out the door, Steve is spilling everything to Robin who agrees to help him before his date.

A few hours later, and a lot of arguments over outfits later, Steve is showing up on Eddie's doorstep with flowers in his hands. Eddie opens the door and accepts them with a laugh. "What a kind date you are," Eddie says and welcomes Steve inside.

Steve looks around and takes note of how the trailer doesn't really look any different, and Eddie hasn't changed since he left, so Steve's unsure of what he was preparing for unless... He shakes his head. Too soon.

Eddie flops down on the couch and offers Steve a beer which he gladly accepts to calm his nerves a bit. He sits right in Eddie's space and puts his arm around the back of the couch. Eddie looks at him and jokes, "And I thought you hated when I got in your personal space." Nonetheless, he leans into Steve as the movie starts.

And Steve has no idea what's happening on the screen. He goes through his beer fast and sets it on the table in front of them. He turns to Eddie and asks, "Where's your uncle?"

Eddie glances up at him and replies, "At work."

Steve gets distracted by how close his lips are to Eddie's but decides this is the perfect time to finally make a move. "Good," he says as he leans down.

Only, Eddie is shooting back and asking, "What are you doing?"

Steve freezes. Eddie doesn't look pleasantly surprised at all, instead he looks scared and confused. Fuck. "Uh, forget about it. Sorry," Steve says as he scoots away from him and slowly stands up.

"It's okay," Eddie says still looking a bit panicked. A few awkward moments pass by before he's talking again, "I...I should apologize for leading you on... with the flirting in stuff... I didn't know you were..." he trails off.

"Bisexual," Steve fills in for him. Eddie gives him a confused look. "It means I like men and women."

"Oh," Eddie says, eyes still wide but looking a bit lost in thought.

Steve just echoes, "Yeah, oh." He fidgets the edge of the stupid blue shirt Robin had said would make Eddie lose his mind. He feels a pressure behind his eyes that's wildly embarrassing. "I'm gonna go," Steve says and rushes out the trailer and into the pouring rain. He has no idea when it started raining, but it doesn't matter because Eddie doesn't even try to stop him.

Steve parks his car outside of Robin's and goes to the side of the one-story house and knocks on her window. Robin is unlatching it immediately and asking, "What the hell are you doing? It's raining out."

"You were wrong about Eddie. He doesn't like me. Why would you convince me he did?" Steve says loudly over the rain.

Robin's eyebrows furrow. "There's no way he doesn't. What makes you think that? And get inside, you're already soaked!"

"He apologized for leading me on, Robin!" Steve says, not caring about the rain or how loud he's getting. "He didn't even stop me when I left! So, don't try this whole setting people up with me thing again. I'm done with that." He stalks off as Robin calls out to him.

He knows he's being dramatic, but he doesn't care. He really liked Eddie, and he hadn't been prepared to be rejected by him. Worst of all, this is going to ruin their entire friendship. Who are they without the flirtatious banter and constant teasing? They weren't dating but Steve has never felt so heartbroken before.

When he gets home, he doesn't really think, just goes to his pool and dives in. He's already soaked, so it's not like it matters too much. He floats on the surface and closes his eyes, feeling the raindrops falling on his face which are noticeably colder than his tears, but at least he can pretend it hides them.

The sound of thunder in the distance is what drags him out of the pool. He's not going to let lightning be the thing that kills him after everything. Although his heartache feels a bit intent on killing him. But that just makes him angry at himself.

He isn't allowed to be this hurt over things. He really isn't. He should've known better. That's all. His thoughts wear him out until he's falling into a fitful sleep.

Work the next day sucks. Robin's acting all anxious around him, and Nancy comes in acting all sympathetic until Steve finally snaps, "If you're not here to get a movie, then you have no reason to be here."

After that, Robin lectures him about taking his anger out on other people. At least she isn't giving him that damn sad look anymore.

For the first time in weeks, Eddie doesn't show up during his shift, and Steve realizes he needs to get used to that.

A week later, the kids are giving him the same treatment Nancy did after they finally get Steve to spill the reason why Eddie doesn't come to the Family Video anymore. Steve slips away into the back after Robin tells him it's his break time - which is absolute bullshit, but Robin doesn't let the kids know that.

Steve has his head in his hands when he hears the door to the breakroom open. He doesn't look up, expecting Robin to tell him that the kids have left or something. Instead, he hears, "Just give him a while. If you're lucky, it won't take him years to figure things out."

Steve's head slowly comes up to reply, "Not all of us can be lucky like you and Mike."

Will shrugs. "If not, you know Eddie will still be friends with you. I give it a week before things are back to normal." Steve smiles at the kid. He's optimistic and determined in a way that makes Steve feel a glimmer of hope.

Two days later, Steve is wiping off the counter towards the end of his shift when he hears the bell to the front door ring. He glances up to find Eddie walking in looking slightly cautious as he looks around the empty store.

"Hey," Steve says as he approaches the counter.

Eddie smiles slightly and says, "Hey." Then, he's handing over a tape to return, and Steve tries not to flinch when he recognizes it as the one they were supposed to watch that night.

"A bit late," Steve jokes but automatically clears the fees before he sets it in the returns pile for the next day.

Eddie puts his hands in his pockets and shrugs. "I forgot." His eyes lock with Steve's for a moment before they begin to look at anywhere but him. "Where's Robin?"

"I let her go early," Steve explains. Another awkward silence settles between them.

"Well," Eddie says and removes a hand from his pocket to drum his fingers on the counter. "I'm gonna head out."

"Wait," Steve calls out as he turns around. Eddie freezes. "I'm about to lock up. Could you just wait around a few minutes?" Steve asks, trying not to cringe at the desperation in his tone.

Eddie turns around and gives him a small smile. "Of course."

Steve nods and rushes to clean up. It won't kill anyone to close the store a few minutes early. He grabs his stuff from the back and is slightly surprised when he finds Eddie still waiting for him when he returns. But he glances up and gives him a smile that makes Steve believe that maybe Will was right. Maybe things will return back to normal in a week.

And they do. Eddie starts showing up during Steve's shifts again, talking about something random which Steve listens to full heartedly although sometimes he doesn't get half of what he's saying. Then, Eddie is returning a tape that has been late for so long that Steve actually gasps when he sees the late fee. But Steve automatically clears it which has Eddie flirting, "Is this because you think I'm cute?"

It has both of them freezing for a second, but then Steve is firing back, "I'm just making sure you know that you owe me in the future." Eddie pouts ridiculously dramatically which has Steve laughing and saying, "And maybe because you're cute."

The compliment has Eddie's cheeks turning slightly red before they move on to a random topic. Steve is happy to find their dynamic shifts a little after this which allows Steve to flirt back easily. It confuses everyone else, but Steve is perfectly content with it, especially when he finds Eddie's smiles growing with every compliment he gets.

One afternoon, Eddie is looking through tapes and gives him the oddest deja vu when he holds one up and says, "We should watch this together."

It's said all casual, but Steve hasn't hung out with Eddie alone since... yeah. And he's kind of freaking out. "After my shift?" Steve asks.

"It's a date," Eddie says with a bright smile that has Steve excusing himself to go to the bathroom.

He splashes his face with cold water and takes a few deep breaths. It isn't actually a date this time - he knows that. But the memory of the last time might be a little too much for Steve to handle. He dries off his face with a thin paper towel, and exits the bathroom only to find Eddie anxiously fiddling with his rings at the counter.

"You okay?" Steve asks, and Eddie turns and nods with an unconvincing smile. Steve lets it go as Eddie talks about his most recent DnD session with the kids and how Will is a genius. Steve definitely agrees with him on that topic.

A few hours later, Steve finds himself in the Munson trailer on the same couch, drinking the same beer, but this time keeping a respectable distance from Eddie. Minutes later, Eddie is heading to the fridge to grab two more beers, and when he comes back, he sits right next to Steve.

Steve glances towards him in slight confusion, but Eddie remains staring at his TV as he practically chugs down his second beer. Before Steve can reach out for the other one, Eddie is opening it and starting on a third one.

Steve's hand comes up to settle on Eddie's hand on the bottle. Eddie slowly puts the bottle down and blurts out, "My uncle is working again."

Steve just slowly nods, not sure where he's going with this. Eddie looks at Steve and his eyes quickly flicker to his lips where they linger. Steve can't help but ask, "You okay?"

Eddie's eyes snap back up to Steve's eyes, and then he's taking his beer and taking a large gulp of it that has Steve on edge. He's definitely preparing for something, but Steve has no clue what it is.

Eddie turns to him and asks, "Remember when you told me you were..."

Steve racks his brain. Into you? Gutted when you didn't like me back? "Bisexual?" he asks.

Eddie nods quickly. "I... hadn't heard of that before, and it had me wondering if... I was bisexual."

"Oh," Steve says as his heart rate increases.

"Yeah, and then I thought about Chrissy and how I thought I might like her, but I think I just liked her the way Robin likes you. Completely platonically." Steve nods as Eddie builds up the courage for what he's going to say next. "And I kind of realized that maybe I didn't like girls at all. But then that freaked me out, and I realized that maybe I need to think less in labels and more about how I feel."

Steve tries not to smile as Eddie's face scrunches up as he mumbles out, "That's so fucking cheesy. Christ." In a normal volume, Eddie continues, "And I think that I have... feelings for you. Especially after you tried to kiss me. I just couldn't stop thinking about how I wanted you to, but I didn't know what that meant either. But then when you were flirting with me, I just... wanted that forever. And then fucking Mike had to talk to me about how it made me feel to imagine you with anyone else - which turns out to be really fucking not good."

Steve laughs, and Eddie finally looks at him with a big smile and says, "Don't laugh at me while I'm trying to admit I have feelings for you! That's rude!"

Steve laughs even harder and explains, "I'm laughing because you got the Mike lecture while I got the Will pep talk."

"Huh?"

"Will told me you would come to your senses eventually, and if not, you'd still be there - as a friend."

Eddie looks off for a second and shakes his head. "We can never tell them those worked. Dustin will be so pissed."

"You're right," Steve says with a laugh, but then he finally realizes what Eddie is saying. "So, you might like me?" Steve asks feeling every bit like a high school boy.

"Yeah," Eddie admits and turns to look towards his beer longingly.

Steve cups his jaw and turns his head to face him. "Want to find out?" Steve asks.

Eddie's eyes flicker to his lips again and his hand comes up to mimic Steve's as he rests his hand on his cheek. "Yes," Eddie breathes out.

Steve slowly leans into his space and lets Eddie meet him halfway for a slow kiss. Eddie pulls back after a moment and smiles wide, "Yeah, I'm definitely not straight. And I really like you."

Steve smiles and brings Eddie in again. "I really like you, too," Steve says before he kisses him again.

Posted on AO3 for @starkdusk

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie ficlet #stranger things

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cucumberteapot · 1 year ago

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I feel like people aren't as open to discussing E-42 Prowle because there is so much about the character we don't know or the films haven't explicitly told us yet. However, I'd like to think writers have presented us with enough information that we can make a strong assessment as to not to what kind of role they'll serve (I think it's fair to say Miles G is going to be an antagonist later-turned hero or anti-hero in BSTV), but what kind of character this is and how they challenge Miles as the main character.

I'd like to discuss one crucial aspect of piece of body language and physical characterisation. This right here:

This is our first proper shot of E-42 Prowler and it closely parallels Aaron Davis in then first movie when he's watching Miles run away.

Now I want to pay mind that in deliberately holding off the plot twist of Aaron being the Prowler, the audience is given no key identifiers as to the Prowler's true identity. He doesn't even have any lines of dialogue until Miles is hiding in his apartment and we after we get the reveal. In every sense of the term, Prowler is a gun for hire. Except he doesn't use guns. The point is he is a hitman. He consistently does what he's told by Kingpin - "You can count on me, sir. I don't ever quit." But then when he's confront with the reveal of the kid he's been hunting is his own nephew and he must choose between his identities as Aaron and as Prowler, that loyalty is severed and it costs him his life.

Which leads us to this specific visual of E-42 Prowler dangling from the rafter before dropping down to face Miles. The camera doesn't cut away from how he drops. Instead we're put entirely in Miles' perspective as to this guy's every move. Between us and Miles, the crew don't want us to miss anything. So what are we seeing here?

Well firstly I think it's clear this is something the Prowler we know wouldn't do because this is a merge of personas of Miles as the Prowler and as a 15-year old. This reads to us as something a lanky kid would do on a jungle-gym, and the fact E-42 Prowler doesn't take his eyes off Miles not only demonstrates curiosity but almost an invitation to play. Not literally, but I believe this Prowler is someone who likes to toy with their victims (which he see a bit of towards the end). And in this case, Prowler is definitely testing Miles from the moment he starts talking about ideas counteractive to his reality - That Aaron Davis could be a "good guy" and that the Prowler identity is something detrimental to the E-42 dimensions' existence. Granted, Miles is speaking from the experience of someone who's Prowler didn't provide income for their family and represent a symbol of strength like the Spiderman identity, so it's a no brainer E-42 Prowler views Miles as antithetical to his state of being. Another thing is that this is how Miles hangs from his webs throughout the movie (under the clocktower, before going through the portal to mumbattan, etc.), so it's a nice consistent characterisation between the two.

But that only leads us into what separates them. After keeping their focus directly on the other, they have their first exchange:

Prowler: Your dad is still alive? Miles: What? Prowler: Your father... You said he's still alive. Miles: Yeah. Prowler: Oh.

Okay, let's dissect this. Specifically Miles' confusion at to why Prowler's asking this because the audience is in the same boat but for very different reasons.

Now I don't want to make assumptions but even before Prowler unmasks, Miles already knows it's his counterpart and his question isn't so much as not knowing but a request for confirmation. However the reason why Miles is confused here is because he expected that same curiousity about identity from his counterpart - not about relatives. Prowler doesn't ask who Miles is even though he doesn't really know, and when he gets his answer that, yes, Jefferson is alive in the other universe, his reaction is played off as dismissive, separating his identity and priorities from Miles. Whatever it is, considering it's the first thing he's asks, this is a vital piece of information for Prowler but his reaction removes any possibility he can be negotiated with... which Miles continuously fails at.

Miles: Who are you? Prowler: My name is Miles Morales. But you... You can call me the Prowler. Miles: If I don't get home, our dad is going to die. Prowler: Your dad. Miles: Please... You have to let me go. Prowler: And why would I do that?

That then leads us on to Miles' question because he's not only asking for his kidnapper's name, he's asking for who this person is. And in turn who we see isn't particularly angry or vindictive - we'll get to that. Instead, Prowler's expression is complete desolation.

It's only when Miles further insinuates they are the same by referring to Jefferson as "our dad", does he shoot back with "your dad". It's quick because this Prowler is still separating himself from this version of himself and the idea he could or would've been or had anything like his life. Finally Miles accepts that they are separate and ask Prowler to let him go, but Prowler has another rhetorical question which implies although he considers this Miles separate to himself, he still has use for him somehow. Which honestly if you had this strength-is-all mindset, it might feel rewarding to have captured this part of yourself that you considered weak - which for all Prowler knows, Miles is just this inferior version of himself who got decked in one hit.

And then lastly we have these two shots here where Prowler raises his "claw" beside Miles' head and sizes him up.

If Aaron can scare Miles by punching the sand out of a boxing bag while Prowler only has to put his fist on it, you tell me who's more terrifying?

But truthfully this last non-conversational exchange before Miles stares Prowler back down is evident that not only is Prowler going to beat the shit out of Miles, but that Miles' "flippy, little sassy jokes" as Spot puts it, is not going to help him here. Because if he wants to survive, he's going to have to match Prowler's energy. This film has a bittersweet ending not because Miles is captured but because Miles has internalised what he's been fighting against the whole movie - The emotional desolation of being Spider-man that lets them deal with or appear indifferent to the harm or death of people around them and it's exemplified when he applies Peter's first lesson of being Spider-man:

"Don't watch the mouth. Watch the hands."

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madokamagicasecrets · 1 year ago

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I have some thoughts about the potential direction of Walpurgisnacht Rising after sitting on it for a while and watching the speculation on the part of Madoka fans.

I have a strong feeling that when Homura changes the universe at the end of Rebellion that my old theory has been confirmed, namely that she's only been able to create a pocket in the universe where things are dictated by her. We see this radius of influence when the corruption from her hostile takeover spreads across multiple star systems until solidifying into a sphere.

This frame of the "mystery girl" also hides an extra detail which may point in that direction, namely a barrier composed of the lizard sigil that represents devil Homura. We already know that Madoka's arrows pierced the veil of the incubation field. Perhaps she's trying to do the same?

Another odd detail is the presence of 2 Homuras. I don't necessarily think this is literal, though. It's possible that a second Homura does actually exist, but most likely only because much like the incubation field Homura's world is shaped based upon her desires and cognition, and this second Homura may be trying to say something about her. But what, exactly? Well, we know that this decision was really hard for Homura, in fact Rebellion implies that she's bordering on suicidal as a result of it. I posit that the second Homura represents her mental conflicts. She loves Madoka and wants to protect her and knows that what she's doing is selfish and that she's imprisoning someone she loves. It's the war that's being waged in her own mind that I think these 2 versions of her represent. I think that's who she's talking to on the phone, in a metaphorical way that's being represented quite literally. Note the way that the voice on the phone implores her to "bring hope" and "release that girl".

Another point of interest for me is the role of incubators in Homura's world. At the end of Rebellion she very openly states that she still relies on incubators as a system, but she's definitely very resentful towards them and is seen abusing one near the end of the film. One detail about the movie that I think is important is the recurring imagery of Kyubey's eyes. Throughout the majority of the film Kyubey is totally silent and we see repeated shots of his glassy, detailed eye. However, when being tormented at the end of the movie the art style changes into something more cloudy and abstract. I've wondered for a while if this would be the start of an incubators developing emotions and potentially contracting itself. I can't say for certain right now if that's the case, given we don't see incubators in the trailer at all, but given they all seem to be trapped in Homura's world with her, we may see something like that emerge in the plot.

Speaking of the incubators, some have brought up the possibility that the contract system now flows through Homura herself instead of Kyubey. It's hard to really verify this yet, but we do have some evidence pointing in that direction, mostly in the form of parallels. Homura's new world is very similar to the incubation field. It even shares some similar golden clockwork aesthetics with it. Note the way the moon is represented split down the middle with clockwork components apparent in the new trailer. I think that this new world is being run much like the incubators did, with Homura in charge of the "experiment". Has Homura become the monster she once hated as a result of her selfishness, trapping Madoka in the very same prison that she was tormented in?

It's also potentially significant to mention what the phone Homura uses in the trailer morphs out of: the same salamander seen in Rebellion that is squashed when she turns into Homulilly, except now instead of the typical purple and black tones, it's a bright red. Does this signal a potential rising frustration and anger, perhaps at herself for the reasons I listed above?

The version of Homura that we see in the trailer has a black hairband. Given she answers the phone and seems very confrontational with the person on the other end of the line, we have to assume that the other Homura has the red hair tie that she wore in Rebellion. This is significant because this hair tie belonged to Madoka and she puts it back in her hair near the end of the movie. The ribbon is her only physical memento from Madoka's existence before she became the law of cycles, and if you've read wraith arc you know that Homura has a significant crisis slowly forming that crescendos in Rebellion where she can't prove that Madoka ever existed. This is exemplified by her new memory manipulation magic rather than time manipulation. Remember, she doesn't have time magic anymore. She only had it in Rebellion because the incubation field caused her to develop a world based upon her memories.

So, if you didn't want to read any of what I wrote above, here's my primary hypothesis for what this movie is gonna be about.

Homura knows that this experiment is deeply flawed and as such her psyche has manifested a second version of her, a more sentimental version that wants this whole thing to come crumbling down and let goddess Madoka take her. In this sense it's quite a bit like Homura trying to figure out the truth behind the incubation field and Madoka and the girls trying to rescue her. But now it's Homura fighting against herself. The black hairband Homura is in charge and the red hairband one takes up the challenge of trying to overthrow her. The mystery girl on the trailer could be Homura. The lighting and framing make her appearance a bit ambiguous, but she has a bow. Many point towards Madoka on that front but Homura also had a bow, featured at the end of the original series. We've just gotten so used to her return to scavenged weapons in Rebellion that this detail has been forgotten. I also feel as though the Walpurgisnacht imagery may be literal in the sense that Homura's imagination may conjure up a transformation, but I think it's intended to be more of a metaphor. Homura's world harkens back to a longstanding theme in the shoe of incredibly powerful beings trying to escape despair through false realities. Homura is the stage master now, whose nature is helplessness (trapped by her own selfishness), and has in a way become the monster she faced so many times. And now she has to stop herself. It may even be possible that the other girls with their altered outfits are allying with this renegade Homura to help her stop herself, much like time loops past. I don't think this will manifest as a time loop where Homura becomes Walpurgisnacht because her existence was represented by a gramophone in Rebellion, aka a broken record. And at the end of the movie it literally explodes because she's shattered literally any chance of this loop happening again. This is the end for all of them.

I think this hypothesis is headed in the right direction but ir definitely neglects some details in the trailer, such as the finer points of the girls and their altered designs, the mystery girl, the role of the incubators and the second Homura, as well as if these signs that I've taken as metaphor may be more literal than I assume. I'm hoping that others can help fill in these gaps for me. Maybe by the time the movie releases we'll have predicted the entire meat of it, lol.

#madoka magica #pmmm #puella magi madoka magica #madoka magica rebellion #walpurgis no kaiten #walpurgisnacht rising

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emeraldsummers · 9 months ago

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if it isn't too late

Pairing: Castiel/Dean Winchester, HunterCorp!Castiel/HunterCorp!Dean

Summary:

Dean had been hoping that the alternate universe versions of him and Sam would leave as soon as possible, but Cas and Jack's arrival at the bunker leads to them staying for dinner. He's really been trying not to have to think about this damage-free version of himself, and he really doesn't want to think about why he's staring at Cas like that.

Or, HunterCorp Sam and Dean meet Cas and Jack during s15e13 Destiny's Child.

Word Count: 5.8K

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53934448

A/N: So hey, Supernatural has got me writing fic for the first time in over a decade. It's my take on 15x13 Destiny's Child, which I know has been done, but hey. Inspiration struck.

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Dean had been planning on sending his and Sam’s alternate selves away as soon as he could. Seeing these bizzaro versions of themselves was messing with his head, and he needed them gone if they were going to focus on bringing down Chuck. Chuck had to be the priority.

However, Dean was trying to figure out the least impolite way to say “leave the bunker ASAP” when Cas and Jack arrived home, immediately changing the evening's plans.

He and Sam were in the library with their counterparts, listening to them drone on about the details of HunterCorp when the bunker door opened with a loud clang, and Jack’s voice became audible.

“It's just the parallel parking that I need to work on, I just haven't had the time to practice,” Jack could be heard saying.

“We'll get you more time on the road soon, okay?” Cas replied.

The Alternate Dean immediately reacted to the sound of Cas’ voice, snapping his head up and rushing to meet him at the bottom of the stairs.

“Castiel?” He gasped in shock.

Cas barely had a moment to react before Alternate Dean pulled him into a tight hug. Cas stiffened as he looked around and saw his Dean and Sam entering the war room, the other Sam following behind them.

“They're versions of us from an alternate universe,” Dean explained. “Their universe got destroyed by Chuck and they ended up here.”

“I, um, I guess there was a version of Cas in that universe too?” Sam wondered. He looked to his doppelganger for confirmation, but Alternate Sam was looking mournfully at his brother, who had released Cas and was standing close to him, staring at him in wonder.

“Dean,” Alternate Sam said firmly. When his brother did not look away from Cas, he continued with more force, “You know he's not our Castiel, Dean.”

“I know,” Alternate Dean hissed, staring his brother down. But his defensiveness immediately softened as he looked back to Cas. “But look at him… he's even got the same vessel… I didn't think…”

He shook his head to himself and turned towards Jack, who had been watching the scene with silent curiosity.

“Uh, hi,” Alternate Dean said awkwardly.

“Hello!” Jack greeted with a wave. “I'm Jack, and it's very cool to meet another Sam and Dean. Will you be joining us for dinner? I wanna hear all about your universe.”

An uncomfortable silence filled the room, nobody quite sure how to respond. Dean most certainly did not want to spend any more time with his copy, especially with the way he was staring at Cas. But while he was trying to figure out how to kick the doubles out without upsetting Jack, Sam hesitantly replied that one dinner together might be nice.

Great.

Dean excused himself to the kitchen, ignoring Sam’s suggestion of ordering food. Dean figured that cooking dinner was as good an excuse as any to hide away from the doubles for as long as possible.

From what Dean had learned about their counterparts, most of the differences in their timelines stemmed from the fact that instead of joining the Marine Corps like their dad did, the alternate version of their father had instead gone to college and obtained a business degree, working in a corporate office when he started a family with Mary. When Mary had died, Alternate John jumped straight into hunting, just like their John did, but instead of slumming in motels for years, Alternate John immediately saw a way to make it an actual career, and HunterCorp was born.

Which somehow resulted in Alternate Sam and Dean being like… that. Dean found the other Sam to be completely insufferable, all of his Sam’s most annoying traits turned up to eleven and wrapped up in a man-bun. But it was Alternate Dean that freaked Dean out the most. Not just because looking at himself in the eyes was unnerving – at this point he’d seen much weirder – but because of all the things Dean couldn’t recognize. Alternate Dean had a lightness in him, a buoyancy in his step and a genuineness in his smile, which seemed to come easy to him. His whole planet had just been destroyed, but he still held a curiosity in his eyes for the new world he’d stepped into.

He was not someone who had cleaned up his father’s vomit after yet another blackout. Not someone who had ever watered down his canned soup so that it would stretch into another meal. Someone who had gone home with women when he really wasn’t feeling it just so he would have a warm bed to sleep in that night. All of the moments in Dean’s life that kept him up at night, his alternate never had to experience, and Dean didn’t particularly like having to see what he’d be like without all of that damage.

Well, Alternate Dean wasn’t completely damage-free. It wasn’t hard to figure out from his reaction that he and Alternate Cas had some kind of history, and that Alternate Cas was either dead or gone in some other way. But Dean didn’t want to think about that, and he didn’t want to imagine a version of himself comfortable with hugging that intensely with anyone, let alone him. With any luck, the alternates would be on their way by the end of the night and Dean wouldn’t have to think about any of this ever again.

An hour later, everyone was crowded around the kitchen table enjoying their Sloppy Joe's. Alternate Sam scowled when he learned the food was to be eaten without utensils, but he did not complain, instead deciding to ramble about HunterCorp’s record-breaking fiscal year. An awkward silence followed when he realized mid-sentence that HunterCorp would never have any fiscal years again, profitable or otherwise.

Alternate Dean, who was visibly struggling not to gawk at Cas, decided to break the silence. “So… Jack? Yeah, Jack. Uh, how do you know these guys? Are you a hunter?”

Jack snapped to attention at the sound of his name, looking thrilled to be asked a question. “Sort of”, he replied, “I've been learning more about hunting, but I haven't had that much experience. Sam and Dean say that in order to be a good hunter, I can't just rely on my grace.”

Sam glanced at the half-eaten food on Jack's plate questioningly. “You're an angel?”

“Sort of”, Jack replied again. “I'm a nephilim.”

“What”, said Alternate Dean. His voice was flat but it was clearly a question.

Jack was hesitant when he answered, “Um, a nephilim? It's a half angel half –”

“I know what a nephilim is”, Alternate Dean snapped. He quickly collected himself and looked at Cas. “He's yours?”

Cas looked panicked at that, and turned to his Dean for guidance on how to answer, but Dean stared resolutely at his plate

Jack answered slowly. “Cas is my father, yes. As are Sam and Dean. But if you're referring to the angel that helped create me, that would be Lucifer.”

The reaction was immediate. Alternate Sam sucked in a sharp breath and Alternate Dean dropped his knife onto his plate with a loud clash, meanwhile Sam and Cas’ postures quickly became defensive, leaning into Jack.

“He's a good kid”, Sam said firmly. “And he's our family.” He gave a pointed look towards Alternate Dean, whose jaw was trembling.

“Jack has already done incredible things to help not just our world, but other worlds as well”, Cas added. And looking directly at the Alternate Sam and Alternate Dean, “This is his home and he is safe here.”

Alternate Sam didn't look entirely convinced, but he looked to his brother at that. “Dean, it's okay. He's okay.” He gave his brother an intense look, as if telepathically willing him not to react.

Alternate Dean shook his head, opening his mouth as if to say something before he stood up sharply and wordlessly walked away, a deafening silence following the rough scraping of his chair.

Cas spoke first, “Jack isn’t going to be a problem, is he?” He held Alternate Sam’s gaze as he enunciated every word. “Because his safety is the most important thing to me.” The unspoken promise of retaliation if any harm came to Jack was clear.

Alternate Sam took a deep breath as he answered carefully. “No. There isn’t a problem. It’s just a – uh – touchy subject for us. For Dean.” He turned to Jack and said, “This is your home and we are your guests. I apologize on behalf of both of us.”

“Thank you,” Jack responded, not looking particularly bothered. “I understand that Lucifer’s name will often cause people to react. Usually if my parents come up I try to focus on my mother and the fathers I chose.”

“Your mother was…?” Alternate Sam trailed off as if he was half expecting Jack’s answer.

“Kelly Kline.” Jack said. Alternate Sam looked down sadly as Jack continued, “she died giving birth to me. But I’ve visited her in heaven and I know she’s proud of me.”

Alternate Sam gave a slight smile at that. “I’m sure she is. I’m sorry, Jack,” he said sincerely.

Dinner finished up in relative silence after that, with everyone quickly dispersing. Dean once again disappeared into the kitchen under the guise of doing everyone’s dishes as a favor, Alternate Sam requested Sam show him the bunker archives, Jack retreated into his room to watch TV, and Cas found himself wandering the bunker aimlessly thinking about the current situation. He’d been able to piece together that there was a version of Jack in the other universe, maybe not called Jack since his name didn’t trigger recognition, that Lucifer had caused some kind of trouble in that universe as well, and that Alternate Cas existed, was friends with the Winchesters, and was certainly dead.

Cas had pulled Alternate Sam aside after dinner before he went off with Sam and tried to find out more information about his alternate self’s fate, but Alternate Sam had shaken his head and said that none of it was his story to tell.

Cas realized his wandering hadn’t been as aimless as he planned when he saw he was approaching the bunker’s shooting range. He wondered if Alternate Dean would be similar enough to his Dean to have similar coping mechanisms, and he wasn’t surprised when he found Alternate Dean unloading round after round into the target.

Alternate Dean didn’t hear him coming, but he must have seen movement in the corner of his eyes, because he quickly turned around, slipping the ear protection off his head.

“Hope you guys don’t mind me using up a few bullets. Just needed to let off some steam.”

Cas hummed at that instead of answering, instead deciding to broach the subject by pointing out the obvious. “I guess I existed in your world. As did Lucifer. And Jack.”

“Yeah,” Alternate Dean said.

When he offered no more information, Cas decided to try a different approach. “How did you and I meet?”

Alternate Dean took a slow deep breath before answering. “Around 10 years ago, HunterCorp started getting a weird number of demon-related calls. Demons weren’t common at all, most on our staff had never seen one in person before. And suddenly demons were everywhere.

“One day, Sam and I are on a hunt when it suddenly feels like a tornado is about to run right through us. Lightning, thunder, the room was shaking, light bulbs smashing, and weirdest of all, the loudest ringing noise I’d ever heard. It finally ends after a few minutes, Sam and I wander outside, and in front of the house we’re investigating are two guys in suits. The lightning starts up again and suddenly they’ve got shadowy wings.”

Alternate Dean looked pointedly at Cas. “Zachariah and Castiel were their names. They tell us that they’re angels, because apparently those exist. And apparently Lucifer somehow got out and the apocalypse is about to start in a few weeks. And apparently Sam and I are destined to stop it.”

Alternate Dean sighed. “Well, long story short, the angels were lying to us. Sam and I did have a destiny, but it wasn’t to save the world, it was to help destroy it. The angels were the ones that released Lucifer in the first place and they had been manipulating us the whole time. Wanted us to say ‘yes’ to being angel vessels.”

Cas was shocked at how similar the story sounded to what had happened in this world, despite the vastly different set ups. Alternate Dean had apparently never been to Hell and had never broken the first seal, but the angels managed to set the apocalypse in motion anyway, with the angels manipulating Alternate Dean and Sam in the same ways.

“Before I knew the truth, Castiel and I fought alongside each other. We became friends, which led to him having doubts about his orders. He was the one to tell me the angels’ true plans and he was the one to eventually help me and Sam stop the apocalypse.” Alternate Dean paused as he let himself relive that memory, and Cas remembered his own experience with those doubts, how scary and exhilarating it was to feel for the first time. Feelings of compassion, a deep desire to protect the lives around him; feelings of grief, mourning souls he had never actually met. And above all else, inexplicably drawn to Dean Winchester. That particular feeling it would take Cas years to sort out.

Coming back to himself, Alternate Dean continued. “We were able to weaken Lucifer significantly, and he was forced into hiding. During that, Heaven was in a state of chaos, and some of the angels decided to act as soldiers for humans again. HunterCorp had a small angel division for appropriate cases. Led by Castiel, of course,” Alternate Dean said with a fond smile before drifting his gaze to the floor.

“Castiel and I stayed close. Stayed friends.” He lifted his gaze hesitantly to Cas. “Became… more.”

Alternate Dean held Cas’ gaze questioningly, but Cas did not outwardly react, his body stiffening as a distant roaring filled his ears. He couldn’t mean what it sounded like.

“You and Dean aren’t…?” Alternate Dean asked softly.

“No.” Cas didn’t know how to breathe. Didn’t know how to process the information presented in front of him. The implication of what Alternate Dean was saying was clear, but it made no sense. Cas’ own feelings, the ones he was constantly suppressing, felt nakedly exposed. It felt like the universe was mocking him. See, we know what you feel, no matter how hard you try.

“What happened with…” Cas drifted off and gestured in front of him, struggling to speak but desperately hoping to convey that he needed to know how this story ended.

“We had a good few years,” Alternate Dean started slowly. “Really, really good years. But then Lucifer came back, just like we always knew he would, except this time he was stronger and he was pissed. Wreaked havoc in Hell just so that he’d gain enough power to release some of history’s darkest souls back into the world. Processed political leaders all across the world and created geopolitical problems that would have taken centuries to correct. Destroyed massive parts of Heaven and killed countless angels. The whole damn world, light side, dark side, everyone was scared of what he could do.”

Alternate Dean hesitated before the next part, looking like he’d rather be talking about anything else in the world. “And then he did the worst possible thing.” He ground his teeth before saying, his jaw still clenched, “He created a nephilim.”

Cas stared at the floor, a sickening feeling inside him growing as he listened to Alternate Dean continue.

“It was when Lucifer was processing the president. He knocked up his staff member, some woman named Kelly Kline, who was none the wiser about her baby daddy being the devil. But everyone else knew, from the moment it was conceived. And everyone, Heaven, Hell and Earth, agreed that it needed to die. I’d never seen everyone agree on a damn thing before, but everyone, including Castiel, was working together on how to kill it before it was born.

“Until Castiel met Kelly, because all of a sudden he was adamant about saving it. We figured that the nephilim had gotten into his head somehow and was using him to protect itself. Castiel and I had never fought like that, but we fought. I’d never seen him so angry in my life that for a moment I wondered if he’d been processed. Thought he could never say stuff like that to me. Told me the only thing I could ever do to make him hate me would be to kill it.”

“It,” Cas interrupted. “The nephilim. Jack .” He couldn’t bear to hear any version of his son referred to like that.

Alternate Dean couldn't look at Cas as he finished his story. “We teamed up with Heaven’s garrison, found Kelly with Castiel shortly before she was going to go into labor. Castiel – he fought hard, but we were able to get Kelly alone. Were able to complete the mission.” His voice was flat, purely factual, but his body language and the look on his face displayed his shame.

Eyes still on the floor, he continued. “Castiel – I only saw him for a moment afterward. He wouldn’t speak to me, wouldn’t even look at me. But he was… I can’t even describe it...”

But Cas could imagine what his alternate self had been like. He had been forced to watch Jack die twice, both times the most painful moments of his existence. If Cas thought he understood human sorrow before that, seeing Jack’s lifeless body taught him he had known nothing of grief until then. Cas was pretty sure that the combined pain of Jack’s death and Dean’s ultimate betrayal would have been the end of him.

Alternate Dean’s voice had the tone of forced emotionlessness as he finished. “Never saw Castiel again. He went on the run and a couple weeks later the angels caught up with him and he was sentenced to death for his crimes.” He finally looked up to meet Cas’ gaze, the wateriness of his eyes betraying his emotions.

“It’s – all of it, it’s already the biggest regret of my life. I should have taken your side even if you were wrong. I should have protected you from the angels, not joined them. I could have –” he shook his head.

“And then today I find out that it – the nephilim – it was never evil. He was Jack, a normal kid that apparently saves worlds.” Alternate Dean’s voice was now thick with emotion. “And we killed him. An innocent baby and his mom, and then you died, and for what? It was for nothing. You were right all along.” The dam seemed to break and tears slipped from his eyes as he whispered, “I can’t get it outta my head. You begged me not to… she begged and begged. Why did I…?”

And Cas didn’t know how else to react. The shock of Alternate Dean’s words, the hurt and betrayal he felt for something that never actually happened to him were overridden by the emotion pouring out Alternate Dean, so Cas tentatively wrapped his arms around him in a hug. For a moment it felt wrong, Cas hyper aware of how touching his Dean for too long would certainly make him uncomfortable, but this wasn’t his Dean. This Dean responded immediately, pulling Cas in closer and gripping his jacket, burying his face into his neck.

Alternate Dean began to cry in earnest, Cas trying to remember if he had ever seen his own Dean cry this intensely, before realizing his Dean had never let Cas see him cry before at all.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Alternate Dean mumbled over and over, like a prayer, like if he said it enough times his own Cas might be able to hear him. And Cas just held him, this man that was sort of the man he yearned to hold but was mostly a stranger. His body was instinctively telling him to let go, that he’d crossed a line and was making Dean uncomfortable, but this Dean treated hugging like the most natural thing in the world. And Cas thought about his alternate self, who got to experience this every day but also had to experience Dean’s ultimate betrayal, and he too found himself mourning the other Castiel.

Having long taken his time tidying the kitchen, Dean found himself sitting at the map table with his beer, the bunker oddly quiet. He cursed Alternate Sam for being so fascinated by the bunker’s relics, cursed his own brother for being so damn eager to show off his collection, and waited impatiently for them to finish up so that Alternate Sam and Dean could just leave already.

He didn’t even know where his own alternate self was, and the fact that Cas was similarly missing was making him fidget. He didn’t want to think about what they were talking about. Didn’t want to think about the picture-perfect Alternate Dean learning about some of Dean’s most shameful deeds, didn’t want Alternate Dean to realize just how messed up this version of himself was. Not that he thought Cas would intentionally start gossiping about his secrets, he told himself, but still. If Cas was telling Dean anything about the past few years, Dean’s sins stained almost everything that had happened and Cas was bound to accidentally mention something.

Worse, he feared the secrets that Alternate Dean may be able to disclose to Cas. His alternate self may be a totally different person, but there was one secret that Dean was pretty sure he shared with Alternate Dean. The big secret. The secret that most days he suppressed so hard he was able to convince himself he was imagining it, the one thing he would never, ever tell Sam or anyone else because if he said it out loud, it would actually be real.

Except apparently, Alternate Dean did not consider it a secret. As he had scrubbed the pans over and over again earlier he had tried to tell himself he was wrong, but the way Alternate Dean kept looking at Cas with such naked longing, the way Alternate Sam had continuously glanced at his brother’s expressions as if he’d seen them a million times, it was clear that in their universe, it wasn’t a secret at all.

Which meant that Alternate Dean could tell his Cas without thinking twice. Which meant that Dean hadn’t been imagining the feelings he’d been hiding from himself. Which meant that in another universe this wasn’t one more thing for him to hate about himself. Great, yet another way in which his alternate self was less broken than he was.

His thoughts were disrupted by footsteps, and when he turned around he was looking at his own face, his alternate self’s eyes slightly red-rimmed. He was alone.

“Where’s Cas?” Dean asked, colder than he intended.

Alternate Dean stepped into the room, taking a seat at the war table. “I asked him to give me a couple minutes. I think he went to find the Sams, figured they’d be in the archive room all night if we didn’t pull them away.”

“Hmm,” Dean responded, not particularly excited to find out what his alternate self wanted to talk about.

But instead of talking, Alternate Dean just watched Dean as he sipped his beer wordlessly, his eyes intent and searching. When Dean poured back the last drop into his mouth, he got up to grab another one from the library’s minifridge, and that was when Alternate Dean finally spoke.

“You know, when you guys were out earlier, my brother and I were talking. We felt bad for you guys, what with Father being dead here, the motels, the bunker, the lack of money, the fact you’re both mostly single…” He gave a small laugh to himself. “Sam said this was the ‘universe where everything went wrong’. If we were God’s success story, you were the underdog story.”

Alternate Dean looked down at the table and continued, “I don’t think that’s right. As soon as I saw Castiel I knew that couldn’t be true.” He shook his head slightly. “Whatever successes we had earlier in our life, it doesn’t matter. At least here, my greatest failure never happened.”

Dean scoffed at that. “And you think I never failed? I get it, you got your Cas killed. You're not special. Join the club. I was just lucky enough that he came back. I can’t even say that’s the worst thing I’ve ever done to him before, can you believe it?” Dean didn’t know why he was saying all this, couldn’t stop the words from coming out, regrets he’d never spoken about. “You think you’re the only person that has hurt him?”

“I guarantee that whatever you’ve done to him, whatever your history is, you can come back from it. I – what I did – we never could. It was too late for us.” Alternate Dean stared at him, but Dean refused to meet his gaze.

Alternate Dean pressed. “Look, whatever is going on between you two, whatever happened – and I don’t know, okay? Castiel wouldn't tell me – just know I’m jealous. I’ll be jealous for the rest of my damn life. Whatever it is you regret, whatever you think makes you so evil, just know you still have your chance here.”

Dean didn't know how to respond to that, didn't even want to think about what he could even say and definitely didn’t want to think about what kind of chance he was supposed to be taking. Apparently Dean was a screw up in every universe, even ones where, for all intents and purposes, he had it made. In every universe where Cas met Dean, Cas was worse off for it.

“Look, you don’t…” Dean started.

“I know,” Alternate Dean cut in. He gave a flat smile. “Guess being stubborn as hell is a trait we share.”

Dean laughed at that. “You know, you’re not the first Alternate Universe version of me to say that. I think every version of us is like that.” Dean finally looked his doppelganger in the eye as he said, “And apparently not a single version of us deserves him.”

Alternate Dean did not try to rebut that, instead looking down at the table in contemplative shame. “Still…” was all he was able to say.

They sat in silence for a moment, the condensation pooling onto the table around Dean’s forgotten beer. Dean’s head was a mess of thoughts, most of them indiscernible from one another, the only feeling breaking through being the overwhelming shame. He needed his alternate self to be gone, needed to retreat into his room with a bottle of whiskey and push these thoughts back behind the mental walls he’s been maintaining his whole damn life.

Finally, finally, he heard the sound of conversation as Sam, Alternate Sam, and Cas made their way into the war room, Sam droning on about an ancient Mesopotamian text in their possession that was once sought by King Arthur himself.

Heading over towards the garage, Alternate Sam said, “The collection truly is impressive. And I appreciate your hospitality, but we really should get going.”

Sam said, “You sure you don’t want to stay here tonight before your flight tomorrow? We have tons of rooms.”

Alternate Sam gave a terse smile and looked around briefly, looking at the bunker as if it were made of filth. “Thank you, but with the credit card you gave us, I think we’d prefer to find a hotel.”

Sam nodded, looking only a little offended. “No problem. Uh, this was weird? I guess good luck.”

Alternate Dean responded, “Thanks. Um, you too.” He gave Dean a purposeful look. “Don’t screw this up. Defeating God, I mean. And uh, tell Jack it was nice to meet him.”

Dean rolled his eyes, shook the hand that was offered to him, and tried not to stare when Alternate Dean took Cas’ hand tenderly and slowly shook it. “Goodbye, Castiel,” he said softly.

Dean swore Cas sounded nervous when he replied, “Goodbye, Dean.”

After final handshakes with Alternate Sam, he and Alternate Dean were finally gone, on their way to Brazil to disappear and retire in the sun.

The relief that Dean felt to finally be away from them was immediate, but it was quickly replaced by the unease at what the consequences of their visit would be. Cas was right behind him as they stood looking out the door of the garage, and he knew that when he turned around that the awkwardness between them would be practically tangible. He didn’t want to turn around. Didn’t want to see in Cas’ face that this visit had changed something between them. He could feel it in his gut, that Alternate Dean had said something to Cas.

“Dean.” It was Sam. “Dean?”

Dean took a deep breath, taking a moment to methodically put all of his emotions back into place and school his face into something neutral. He turned around and laughed. It only sounded a little forced. “Well,” he said, “that was the weirdest thing ever. Let’s never talk about that again, okay? Damn. I’m so done with seeing my doppelgangers.”

Dean glanced briefly at Cas, who had an unsure look on his face, before looking around the garage, his eyes settling on Baby.

“Yeah,” Sam said, “it was weird. You okay?”

“Of course I’m okay, Sammy.” Dean replied, the annoyance clear in his voice. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?” It was a challenge and a test. Don’t mention it, Sammy. We’re never talking about whatever you’re thinking about.

“Nothing.” Sam said. He sounded annoyed, but he wasn’t going to push. Good. “It’s late, and I still want to call Eileen before sleeping, so I’m off. Goodnight.”

And without waiting for a reply, Sam stalked out of the garage in the direction of the bedrooms, leaving Cas and Dean alone in the garage.

The silence hung between them for a few moments, screaming to be broken. Dean should have walked away right then, said goodnight to Cas and left, like he’d been wanting to do all damn night. But now, alone with Cas, he found himself unable to move. Dean could feel Cas’ eyes on him, but he couldn’t look up to meet them, instead staring fixedly at Baby and trying to remember why he was so desperate to leave just a minute ago.

What did he say to you? Dean wondered silently. What did he do?

“I’m sorry,” Dean said finally. It was the only thing he could think of. I’m sorry you met me. I’m sorry I happened to you.

Dean looked up at Cas, and the alarm on his face made Dean even more anxious. Huh, guess they did talk about something I’m not supposed to know about.

“He’s not you,” was all Cas could say. Dean gave a small scoff at that, and Cas tentatively approached him, putting his hand on Dean’s shoulder. Dean focused on not flinching at the physical contact, every touch feeling significant, and allowed himself to lean into the hand on his body.

“We’re… okay?” Cas asked hesitantly, his voice small.

Dean looked deep into Cas’ eyes, the bright blue looking glossy under the garage lights, his brow pulled tightly and his body stiff, as if he expected to be slapped away at any moment.

Finally, Dean responded. “Of course we are.” Dean forced a smile that turned into a genuine one as he clapped his hand on Cas’ back twice. “We’re always okay.”

That wasn’t true. Heck, just a few weeks ago they’d had the worst argument they’d ever had, Cas left and then they hadn’t spoken for weeks afterwards. Dean was sure he wouldn’t come back this time and deep down Dean knew it was his fault. But Cas had come back, eventually, as he always did. But things were different. The deep wells of resentment, mistrust, anger, and blame that had developed between the two over the years had left scars all over their friendship and sometimes, Dean wondered if it was only that scar tissue keeping them together at all.

If hurting Cas in every universe was just something Dean did, he hoped there was a version of himself out there that had allowed himself to love Cas before he hurt him so much. He needed there to be a version of them out there that had something that wasn’t damaged right out of the box. At least that would be something.

“Goodnight, Dean,” Cas said. He was letting Dean go. Right, Dean had been wanting that all night.

“‘Night, Cas. Thanks for… everything.” And with a quick glance back, Dean left the garage and headed for his bedroom.

Finally inside the safety of his room, Dean let out a sigh, took a swig of his trusty Jack Daniels before sitting on his bed. Forget, forget, forget. He was finally able to start working on those mental walls. It’s all in your head, Winchester. Except it wasn’t, was it? The night had been real. The look on Alternate Dean’s face had been real. Well then, it’s too late for us. It had to be. If it wasn’t too late, then Dean was the idiot who had let them get to this point.

With a groan, Dean took another swig before forcing himself to screw the cap back on and place the bottle back under his bed. He felt unsettled, but for some reason he didn’t want to numb it with alcohol. He wanted to feel it. As he lay in bed, the strongest urge to pray to Cas washed over him, the way he used to pray before bed when Cas had been taken by the Empty. Which made no sense at all; Cas was just down the hall. If Dean needed him so badly, he could just go see him.

No, Dean thought, I’ll see him tomorrow. Like always. He’ll still be here. And this mess between them would be here as well. After Chuck, Dean told himself. Whatever is going on with us – with me – it’ll be something we’ll figure out.

Alternate Dean had said it wasn’t too late for them. And maybe, if they survived Chuck, maybe he could be right.

Maybe.

#spn #supernatural #destiel #dean winchester #castiel #castiel x dean #huntercorp #huntercorp!dean #huntercorp!sam #destiel fic #supernatural fic #supernatural fanfic #destiel fanfic #ao3 #spn angst #spn fic #spn fanfic

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dr-futbol-blog · 6 months ago

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Would the real Dr McKay please stand up?

While this is a record of John Sheppard's bisexuality, let's start from the beginning.

Rodney McKay was introduced in the main series, Stargate SG-1. In it, he is presented as a sexist and abrasive character who is later revealed to harbour a hurt little boy within. He claims to have a predilection for "dumb blondes", which is to say, beautiful and brilliant women way out of his league.

He aggressively, blatantly hits on Samantha Carter. In fact, his behaviour is so over-the-top that one has to wonder whether it is (consciously or subconsciously) designed for failure. Hitting on women you know will turn you down, in a way that will inevitably lead to them turning you down, both protects one's ego and keeps one from winding up in an actual relationship with an actual human being.

That is, for reasons of inadequacy, poor self-esteem, repressed homosexuality, pick your poison, he a) approaches only women he knows he can't get, b) approaches them in a sleazy over-the-top way that will inevitably lead to him being turned down and c) he does all of this extremely publicly, not hiding and in fact encouraging his reputation was a womanizer. A+, very heterosexual.

Only, this is lampshaded in the two-part 8th season finale of SG-1, Moebius.

In the episode we are once more presented with an alternative reality. This is a divergence from our reality whose main difference is that the stargate was never found at Giza. In the episode, we follow Samantha Carter and Daniel Jackson who are essentially themselves but whose lives took different courses. That is, their characters were not changed, only their circumstances. And it follows that the same is true for all the other characters.

In this reality, Dr. Rodney McKay is the lead scientist at Cheyenne Mountain. The fact that he is similar to the Rodney in our reality is lampshaded later in the second part of the episode where McKay tells Gen. Hammond: "It's a ship that goes through the Gate -- it's a Gateship!"

This parallels his words in Rising (S01E01) where he says the same thing to Dr. Weir, defending his naming of the shuttle as Gateship: "It's a ship; it goes through the Gate, I, I… Fine -- Puddle Jumper, you are clear for launch."

We are meant to understand that this is the same Rodney, only that circumstances have altered the course of his life.

Why is this important?

His introduction in the episode is curious.

At the end of Moebius, we are shown a rare kiss between Carter and O'Neill who never get to consummate their unresolved sexual tension in the main text of the show. The kiss was preceded by Carter lying to O'Neill about his attraction to Daniel Jackson instead of O'Neill. Earlier on, O'Neill had wondered whether Carter and Jackson were in fact a couple -- which they both vehemently denied. Before their kiss, O'Neill tells Carter: "It's just, you know… first impressions, I kinda thought he was… Never mind."

He waves his hand in the universal sign for "bent".

Jack O'Neill thought that Daniel Jackson was, upon first impression, a gay man. Even though he met him along with an attractive woman, the first impression one got from Daniel Jackson was that he was a gay man. This has nothing to do with what Daniel's orientation is or was, in this reality or the other, just that in this one he gave off the vibe that he was gay. At least on initial meeting, an impression that might later be rectified, Daniel Jackson came off as a gay man.

So why does this matter?

When we first meet Dr. Rodney McKay, it is also the first time he meets Daniel Jackson. He gets, that is, a first impression of Daniel. Rodney barges in with the very suggestive: "Don't touch anything, please! Leave the touching to the experts."

McKay looks at Daniel from top to bottom, openly checking him out, gaze lingering on Daniel's dick. After this, he looks at Major Davis. To confirm the reading of his gaydar? To check whether the major noticed him checking the guy out? Acknowledging the hot officer in his personal space? Who can tell!

Turning his attention to Sam, McKay subsequently completely ignores Jackson to the point of rudeness.

Note that Major Davis is, in this reality, sporting the gayest moustache that ever moustached. He is ripped straight out of a Village People album cover. If we are meant to think that Daniel in this reality comes across as gay, what are we supposed to think regarding the man with the gayest moustache this side of Tom of Finland?

After McKay checks out Daniel, whose first impression is that he is a gay man, Rodney quickly glances at major Davis and then his entire demeanor changes. He is very curt towards the major. They continue their exchange, Rodney antagonistic toward Jackson and now aggressively hitting on Sam, even going so far as to obviously and crassly grab her ass:

McKay: I'm sorry -- what are your areas of expertise? Carter: Astrophysics. Jackson: Archaeology. McKay: And I would listen to you because…? Carter: We're on the tape. McKay: Now you -- you I would listen to if you were reading the phone book. You see, I love this whole sexy librarian thing. Look, why don't I take you to lunch, get you up to speed.

On his initial meeting with Daniel Jackson, the man who comes off as gay, Dr. Rodney McKay reflexively checks him out and then starts immediately performing the most odious kind of heteronormative masculinity

We get another lampshade in his line to Carter: "I hear it's lemon chicken today -- it's my favourite, hmm?" This Rodney claims openly to like Lemon chicken which he is allergic to in our reality. There is something else he is performing here that he is allergic to in our reality: his preference for chicks.

In the Pegasus galaxy, McKay is either completely oblivious to the advances of women ("You don't know what to do?"), engages in performative over-the-top womanizing ("I disgust myself sometimes"), or uses women to perform masculinity and to make himself seem more desirable to other men ("They think I'm a shut-in. So I was thinking that if I was to, say, show up with a woman -- a beautiful woman -- that they would maybe not think that I was like, a complete loser"). He expresses jealousy when other men receive attention from beautiful women while seeming to have no interest whatsoever in these women themselves. Hot women are objects to him, he barely sees them as people (literally, in The Game).

This is textbook. This is a closet so deep in Narnia the audience gets second-hand frost bite.

Note that while in Moebius we are shown a superficial difference between this Rodney and our Rodney with regards to lemon, later on we are shown that they are essentially the same. The Rodney McKay of this reality is the epitome of a closeted gay man performing over-the-top heterosexuality in a military environment where, although as a Canadian civilian contractor he is not himself in jeopardy, he has to protect the identities of gay soldiers, like major Davis, whose careers are on the line.

Oblivious or not, Rodney McKay does not like women. He does not respect them, sees little use for them, can barely tolerate to have them around. This much seems to be true of him in every reality.

#stargate atlantis #sga #stargate sg1 #rodney mckay #rodney is gay #ep. moebius #ep. rising #ep. the game #sga meta #general meta

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catgirl-catboy · 1 year ago

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Mastermind Whit Essay

Okay, I'm really unsure of how to begin this post. I know most people in the DRDT fandom suspect Teruko as the mastermind due to her secret, but are we perhaps playing right into the masterminds hands?

I feel like if Teruko was genuinely the mastermind, she wouldn't give David of all people a note confirming she is. Due to how misleading the secrets have been with other people, it makes far more sense to read this as a frame by the true mastermind.

Maybe Teruko would deliberately make herself suspicious if it were chapter 5 or 6, but in chapter 2??? I'm not buying it.

I feel like this red herring of Teruko is hiding another, far more suspicious character.

Before we get into our theory, the mastermind should match up with the killing game's mascot.

Monokuma and Junko are the obvious pair, since Junko herself chooses to look like Monokuma. There are also hints in Monokuma theater about her true identity.

Monomi and Izuru also have some parallels, especially since Usami's transformation into Monomi could be considered a nod to Hajime's transformation into Izuru.

Monokubs are cheap ripoffs of Monokuma. Tsumugi is a cheap ripoff of Junko.

This trend also tends to apply to fangans, but I'd rather not spoil any for you.

So what does Monotv say about our mysterious mastermind? Monotv's personality tends to focus on one thing: ratings. He will also fake ineptitude on occasion to make things more interesting.

What if I told you that there was a DRDT character whose every action happens to increase ratings?

That's right, ladies and gentlemen (and Nico!), I'm talking about Whit.

Whit is one of the few characters we see before we get an introduction for him. And what do we see him doing? Turning Hu against the group.

Hu is one of the few characters that isn't willing to trust the group with her secret in chapter 2, and this could very well be because of the bad first impression Whit helped make. This has a side effect of having her emotionally dependent on David by trial 2, which I'm positive will have bad results when the hiatus ends.

When we get to his introduction proper, he spends most of it trying to force Teruko and Xander closer together. This isn't his only notable interaction with Teruko either, since he's the only one that prods her to talk about her past pre-trial 1.

It's hard to say for certain about Whit's intentions, but most of his actions appear to have negative concequences later on in the game.

When it comes to Whit, he claims most of his actions are guided by his intuition, like Sayaka before him.

But when you look at things from an objective point of view, his intuition might not hold up. This is the person that hid David's secret from the class for as long as practical.

Why?

In-universe, Whit claims its to help David's career.

But if you look at it closely, does this claim make any sense? This killing game is televised, so it'd be reasonable to suspect that the in-universe DRDT audience knows all the secrets before the characters do.

Besides, how good can Whit's intuition be if he believed in the good of someone as suspicious as David.

So, if Whit's stated motive for keeping that secret doesn't hold up (to me.), what would? Why, MonoTV's motive! Everything Whit does intentionally or unintentionally ups ratings.

Teruko distrusting and being isolated from the group? Is good for ratings.

(Whit didn't bring her back into the group like he did with Charles, which reads as OOC behavior to me. But do you know who canonically doesn't want Teruko talking with the group? MonoTV.)

Hu and David getting close and having a falling out? Is good for ratings.

You could even argue his relationship with Charles is good for ratings.

Speaking of David, I find it interesting that Whit used the same tactic as David to avoid sharing his secret, but did it better.

Unlike David, Whit dropped multiple possible secrets, and admitted the possibility that it could be none of them upfront. This makes him dodge the suspicion David got when his stated secret wasn't on the list.

Whit's secret wasn't even given much attention in the trial itself.

I also feel like Whit's secret was worded a lot more plainly than most of the other secrets. Compare "your mother is dead, you always omit that truth" to "Your older brother died, but you don't remember him at all." or "Your younger sister killed herself because of you. You should have never left."

It could just be because the secret isn't plot-relevant this chapter, or it could be because Whit's secret isn't what it seems.

Another thing, Whit is pretty strange around corpses. He made a dark joke about Min's execution, and under reacts to every corpse in the game so far. Many people think this has something to do with his mom, but I have one question for those people. Would that really explain why he's worse than Veronika, who canonically enjoys the game?

This concludes the main part of my analysis, but here are some details that could be questionable with Mastermind!Whit in mind. (Or maybe I just think everything he does is suspicious, who knows!)

In chapter 1, he deliberately threw the arm wrestling contest to Teruko. Could be hiding his true strength?

He chooses NOT to break up fights that were going nowhere. This seems contrary to what an ideal matchmaker should do in this context.

His name. Whit is one letter away from Wit, meaning intelligence. That could be an example of some very clever foreshadowing. But... its a reach.

He was one of the 3 to get redesigns, along with the protagonist. However, he got specific attention done to his eyes. Every Mastermind in canon does something cool to their eyes upon the reveal.

Out of all of the canon Danganronpa characters, Whits talent is the closest to Toko's. Charwit could be an inversion of Togafuwa, with feelings being one-sided on Toko's (Whit's) end this time.

#drdt #danganronpa #drdt whit #mastermind whit #whit young #drdt theory

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seventeenlovesthree · 4 months ago

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Digi Dynamic Shipping Game

Send me two names among the following 12 and I’ll write a short analysis post about them:

Whether canon provides input on them or not.

Sorato are a very interesting and - at this point in time - unique case in regards to canonically confirmed relationships in the Digimon universe. Despite the fact that they had been shown to have started dating through the course of Digimon Adventure 02 - with the epilogue showing them to have two children together -, the ongoing course of the series post 02 is... Incredibly vague about them to say the least. Disclaimer: I am not intending to bash the ship, this is a personal analysis post in which I am trying to analyze it from my point of view based on what we're being shown. And I want to thank my dearest @dutchforstrangers and @jamesthedigidestined for all the input I got over the years to put this into words!

First of all, Digimon Adventure presented Sora and Yamato as very interesting parallels to one another, hinting at a certain family angle in subtext. To summarize it: They're both prone to try and handle things by themselves, hiding their true feelings behind masks as they both believe that they don't have what it takes to activate or even deserve their respective Crests at first, Love and Friendship. This is in part thanks to their shared familial trauma and strained relationships with their mothers. It’s why they’re so prone to being engulfed by darkness, why their dark caves are dangerous manifestations of their declining mental health, self-doubt and fears. That is why the soul-searching is needed, repeatedly so. It’s why they understand each other’s need to be left alone - which is something we will see throughout the entirety of the Adventure series for both of them. By the end of the first season, Sora had already been on her way to reconciliation with her own mother and, after everything she went through, was able to reassure Yamato that he could go on to find his own path as she did hers before, believing that he could do it too. In return, Yamato had been put - and eventually also put himself - in the position to pull Sora out of her own state of darkness as well. Because he had been there himself, he was finally able to put things into words. (Which may or may not be influenced by Yamato also perceiving Sora as a motherly figure, reminding him of his and Takeru's mother, according to the novels.)

Them being the way they are is also why they need Takeru’s softness and Taichi’s persistence (as well as Jyou’s support and Mimi’s reassurance at different times) to get it back together again. They have to be reminded that they don’t HAVE TO be alone in all this (even if they often choose to).

I want to underline Taichi's importance in particular here - because even though he reassures Sora to go for Yamato in 02, encouraging her to actively pursue what and whom she herself wants for once... Canon is very reluctant to openly state that they're actually a couple and the ongoing debate on whether or not the Digimon staff was ever fully settled on them being endgame or not doesn't help matters. (I will not open that debate once more, just know that this is still a thing.) On one hand, there is official art depicting them as close, with him usually having an arm around her shoulder, so "show don't tell" does apply here!

But on the other hand, the 02 audio drama "Armor Evolution to the Unknown" has a very... Debatable way to refer to them. "Daisuke’s Great Valentine’s Day Plan" has the other girls gossip over how they think that Yamato must really have a hard time enduring Sora's wrath and that they probably won't last through a fight; "Armor Evolving in Chaos" implies that Sora is asking herself why Yamato has been "so cold to her recently", causing him to desperately sing a love song for her...

It all feels very awkward and rocky. And to get back to Taichi here: The aftermath of 02 mainly shows us a somewhat dysfunctional bond between these three friends and it's very unclear what is even going on between them. For example, there is their portrayal in Diablomon Strikes Back; the way the picture of Yamato and Sora gets leaked causes the group to react in shock, followed by awkward silence... And the way Sora eventually leaned towards Taichi instead of Yamato, to this day, is reason for the fandom to debate on what the - at that time - current state of Sorato is. The writers of Tri even mention that "no official relationships are going on between [Taichi, Sora and Yamato]", which begs the question as to whether or not it had worked out in the end. We don't know if, when or why Sora and Yamato broke up, what their stance is towards each other. Just like the foundation of the relationship itself, we do not actively hear what they mean to each other outside of weird, non-canon audio drama humour - and all we get is vague subtext and a forced (somewhat fanservice-y) love triangle that was never supposed to be one in the first place.

I say forced, because in usual fandom portrayals of the "traingle", it's Taichi and Yamato "fighting" over Sora's affections, which is, never, not even once, confirmed to be true - and while Sora is being put into a position in Tri that implies that she has to pick between them (aka Yamato's concert and Taichi's football match)... It never actually happens. Instead, in the end, Sora and Yamato both appear to be more likely to have feelings for Taichi than for each other, but that is a whole different box of pandora to open up.

Long story short - canon has never settled on how to commit to them and thus, the infamous Taiorato fandom wars had never really come to an end. Which is a shame, because the initial set-up in Adventure would have allowed for a lot of mutual growth and healing potential due to Sora's and Yamato's shared experiences and view-points. Unfortunately, the anime decided to never really SHOW them spending actual screentime for the sake of bonding together post their scenes in Adventure, neither in 02 nor in Tri. And if they talk to each other - it is usually about Taichi. Tri does include little nods towards them (hands on shoulders, little reaction shots, mostly on Sora's behalf), but is equally prone to depict a visible distance between them, culminating in Yamato not noticing that Sora, by the end of the series, had cut her hair even shorter than before (so he's getting called out by Takeru for not being very observant). Kizuna at least implies that Yamato knows what Sora is up to - but the only scenes that actually include her have her be concerned for Piyomon and Taichi instead...

The epilogue itself had also always been reason to speculate for decades by now; in comparison to Miyaken - which had actually gotten quite a solid foundation in the most recent movie -, there had been a visible physical distance between Sorato while talking to their children, which heated up fan speculations as to whether they're still together at this point in time...

Whether I think why and how they’d work.

As I haven't been able to keep it shortly up there after all, you may be able to tell that I am somewhat frustrated with their portrayal. Whether production quarrels got in the way or not, whether they've been trying to undo the damage by keeping things as vague as possible throughout all these years, I am not able to tell. What I do know is that - Digimon never shied away from giving us realistic interpersonal relationships. We've seen it all, between friends, siblings, parents and children, married couples... The sad part here is - that also includes relationships that are not meant to last.

And as much as it may sting, as promising as their initial parallels may have been... To refer back to my previous analysis post, maybe their mutual tendencies to "pull back and isolate themselves" had been (one of) the reason(s) why they were not right for each other in the long run. Do not get me wrong, I support the idea that Sora had developed feelings for Yamato as a teenager - they were 14 years old, they had been through life-changing events together and related to each other due to their strained mother-relationships... Again, we never really hear how they feel about each other, but: Why wouldn't Sora feel drawn to Yamato as a kindred spirit, someone who could understand her and already proved to be able to give her the space she needed in the past? Let's also not forget that we're also still talking about Sora Takenouchi here - she's a born caretaker, even if she doesn't want to be reduced to that role, she is still naturally loving. So it also makes sense for Yamato to fall for her, to feel cared for, loved and wanted? To get the affection he had always craved while simultaneously being able to live out his own protective side? Heck yeah! In theory - it makes perfect sense! Let teenagers experiment, have fun, figure themselves out!

But canon also shows us that they - and Taichi - actually turn out to be quite... Dysfunctional young adults due to a LOT of unresolved self-esteem issues, mental health problems and a lack of a clear identity path. Adventure and 02 had shown them to be on a good way, but... Puberty apparently didn't allow them to work on their issues in healthy ways, which applies to all three of them - which, once again, is mirrored in the dysfunctional bond between them as well as in the fact that THEY were chosen to be the ones shown to lose their partnerships in Kizuna.

For some reason, Yamato and Sora had drifted apart and, as far as we can tell, were not able to rekindle their initial romantic attraction by the time of Kizuna/The Beginning. Instead, there were, apparently, a lot of confused feelings for Taichi involved... And an inability to open up to themselves and each other about their dreams, aspirations, paths. They tried to become "performative adults" - and lost themselves in the process. Sora is the literal embodiment of the "I'm going my own way by myself" as of Kizuna, distancing herself from literally everyone once more while she still follows in her mother's footsteps - and Taichi and Yamato did very similar things.

My impression here is that, even if Sora and Yamato did eventually get back together again at some point, maybe after doing some more soul-searching and getting in touch with themselves again, getting their Digimon back... I'm not sure if they'd last. Especially if you consider Yamato's career path as an astronaut, who'd spend quite some time away from home, whereas Sora would not only be tasked with her own, probably very time- and energy-consuming career as a fashion designer; she'd also have to take care of their two children by herself... Which kinda delegates Yamato back to his initial lone-wolf-persona he never even wanted to have, literally forced to keep a physical distance, probably doomed to follow in his own parents' footsteps of being incapable of maintaining a happy, balanced marriage... It's not that he doesn't WANT to break through generational trauma, quite the contrary, he is a hands-on person after all, especially when he has set his mind to something - but he's not always the most observant and vocal when it comes to the subject of his own relationships and we know how he tends to deal with conflict, he either gets unintentionally hurtful or... Leaves. And since Sora can also very easily lash out when she feels cornered, Yamato might not be capable to give himself or her what they need - just like the silly audio drama once implied. Especially because after everything she went through, Sora needs as much reassurance and validation as he does - and living through a marriage in which her husband would be away just as much as her own father used to be in his marriage might... Not be the healthiest approach.

Whether I’d prefer them as platonic or romantic ship.

Whether or not we'll ever retcon the epilogue or not - my personal verdict is that Sorato could have been a great opportunity to show that dating as teenagers can be super fun and nice, but you may not be compatible long-term. But it's okay to break up and move on and maybe be a little awkward for a while, but since you still have that history and a deeper understanding for each other, you still get out of it stronger and with a bond that is just as meaningful as a romantic connection. I feel like it could really have been great like that and I do have a very soft spot for their potential - especially as parallels to Taishirou, there is nothing more fun than having these four go on adventures and silly double dates together IF everything is well executed and functional and if people actually TALK to each other for once. I have a billion set-ups in the back of my mind in my AUs where they would end up moping about their mothers and about Taichi and teasing each other, Sora would actually enjoy collaborating with Taichi and Takeru to get under Yamato's skin, but she also knows his gentle and soft and cheesy side, they adore each other, even if they're incredibly dense about it and Mimi would forever roll her eyes at them... I could go on.

But even if things stay like they are in the epilogue - the "Sorato is actually divorced in the epilogue, but still on good terms and take care of their children like responsible adults who successfully broke through generational trauma" approach can be pretty nice and enjoyable as well (especially in a scenario in which Yamato would end up with Jyou and Sora with Mimi, because I feel like these two get them the best - or both of them actually end up with Taichi, so the triangle can FINALLY be resolved in a satisfying way. The comphet memes about them from back in the day also really spoke to me, because I them getting together could also have been them trying to compensate for their attraction towards their own gender - OR because neither of them thought they could have Taichi in the end, but... THAT'S just a theory after all.) Either way, they care deeply about each other in every reality - even if I personally believe they might work better platonically.

#my two cents #meta #shipping analysis #you know i will not tag them with their names because i don't want to #spread negatvity and attract conflict #personal #shipping game

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gremlinaristocrat · 1 year ago

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Outstanding Ambiguities in Almost Nowhere

I here use ‘outstanding’ both in the sense of ‘unresolved’ and ‘extremely good’; I sincerely hope we never get a definitive answer for these.

Was Hector Stein originally a human being?

I’ll lead with my favourite: we never nail down whether Hector was a person placed in a Chestromath-y crash by Anomalings, or an NPC they stitched together to play a part in someone else’s dream.

Obvious signs seem to point to ‘human’, but consider:

He’s preternaturally charismatic, compelling, larger-than-life, and yet thoroughly unimaginative; all his tricks are copied from elsewhere. Once you start seeing the parallels between him and the (other?) fictives, it’s hard to unsee.

IIRC we never hear about his pre-crash history from anyone, even though that would be an excellent potential source of slander and scuttlebutt; considering the partisanship of the authors, this silence is conspicuous, ergo suspect.

Every other character seems subject to the convention “living humans and Anomalings are referred to with a first name only; fictives get surnames (which we don’t bring up for fictives we like, unless we’re making a point of reminding you they’re fictives); Annes can have little pseudo-surnames, as a treat”. Hector is the sole (apparent?) exception.

If he was a real boy, this raises the question: what sort of person’s Shade-assigned fantasy life looks like being cast into the role of “the teacher all the schoolgirls get crushes on”? And if he wasn’t . . . has everyone on Earth spent the last few years constantly hearing about the daring revolution being headed by (a fanfic version of) (their equivalent of) Severus Snape?

(I love this one the best because literally everyone in-universe would know the answer, and the only reason it’s not clear to me is that none of the half-dozen narrators felt it was non-obvious enough to be worth mentioning. Terra Ignota vibes, amplified to and past the point of parody; 11/10, no notes.)

What exactly did Azad do to Anne Twenty-Seven? Under what circumstances?

Yes, he hurt her. Yes, he broke her heart, abandoned her, and chose her sisters over her, only to abandon them in turn. But Azad – in the chapter he spends spelling out his various crimes – is weirdly vague and reticent about the exact nature of his original sin, the snowball that started the avalanche: all we hear for sure is that ‘it involves trust’. Is he staying quiet for his sake, or for hers? Is he magnifying his evil, or minimizing it? Or is this all because it’s another thing everyone already knows, the part of the sordid story the Nowhere-to-Hides wrote across the stars, and Azad only feels the need to confirm the allegations and fill in the blanks?

We don’t know; we don’t get to know.

Was Azad actively tortured while in Twenty-Five’s custody, or ‘just’ given awful working conditions?

We see a man stooped over a desk, compelled to eternal labour and penance. We see him later, rescued and refusing to believe it, insisting this is one of Twenty-Five’s tricks. Is this paranoia born from guilt, or past experience? Grant asserts based on his condition that “Hector’s guys” must have been “doing some pretty crazy shit”, but this is never confirmed or denied.

Later still, we hear his screams as he processes what happened in the crashes. How many of these are driven by guilt from Michael’s crash, versus trauma from Twenty-Five’s? Did she really have him working full-time on translation, or did she take some time every now and then to remind him of how her wants are structured?

I think Azad (and his co-authors) left this one in on purpose. He knew this book would be read by his victims – the Annes would have been top of his mind, but literally all of his in-universe readers would be living in a world wrought by What Azad Did – and wanted to preserve ambiguity for their sake: everyone (save Twenty-Five herself) gets to read their preferred ratio of self-inflicted vs other-inflicted suffering into the monster.

What happened to Annabel?

This is so weird. Shades don’t kill. They don’t even kill animals. And during the fall of Advanced Containment, long after she was supposed to be dead, Sylvie describes her as “stable, contained”; the dead don’t need much containing. But the official story is that she was slaughtered by Anomalings when Hector first left the crashes.

I think the official story is wrong. I think she disagreed with Hector, defected from him, joined up with Sylvie’s side . . . and then her former allies rebased her, rewriting her story so she dies at the most convenient moment. But mnemopoesis preserved her contribution to the manuscript, in the form of some autobiographical chapters (written in first-person, unlike any of the Annes the authors knew better, with the jarring justification that they just had to try mimicking her unique voice and personality), a deep understanding of the games and codes used in Michael’s crash (would we really be able to learn as much as we were shown from Eleven’s wilfully neglected witchcraft, and secrets Cordelia stole from Twenty-Five?), and a pair of un-attributable comments from a [REDACTED] co-author.

. . . unless, of course, that’s exactly what Azad and his co-conspirators want me to think: another piece of anti-Stein propaganda, all the more effective because they made me put the pieces together myself. (If that’s the case, it’s the kind of trick I can feel proud about managing to fall for.)

Who was [REDACTED]?

I mean, you know my opinion. But if it wasn’t Annabel, who was it?

It wasn’t her . . . and wasn’t a fabrication . . . I like to think it was an Anne who actually managed to erase herself from the narrative. Someone who stepped from the stage, and just kept walking, refusing to re-inflict the wound, leaving the entire sorry mess behind them.

How much damage control was Hector’s faction doing behind the scenes?

For most of the story, the world and its’ population remain precariously preserved, balanced on a bed of knife-edges. But with uncanny regularity – especially when you remember this is technically a war story – nukes don’t fly, crashes don’t fail, and Named Characters don’t die.

Towards the end of the story, we find out that Hector has thrived as long as he has by – essentially – savescumming. A little after that, Anne Eleven dies tragically, nigh-simultaneously with a substantial fraction of humanity, as the dog-god of war lets himself slip. And immediately after that, Sylvie restabilizes, as he figures out how to make sure Hector’s trickery can never work again.

So . . . how many disasters was Hector quietly averting? How many of Sylvie’s more destructive tantrums did he (unwittingly?) head off? How many times did he find Advanced Containment, and then rebase away his knowledge of it to save the people trapped inside? Does he even know? Does anyone? What’s the expected lifespan of this too-brave new world now our heroes have successfully smashed the Undo button?

#almost nowhere

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thewickedbohemian · 4 days ago

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Thoughts on a Tracker that really showed how much of a RPG the show feels like (and also took a turn for the southern gothic potentially confirming magic in that universe)

singing, that's a new one for ways to open an episode

here comes trouble

and I'm not talking about the snake

a little bit of Velma backstory

Colter must have just kept his Airstream parked hours away where it was

I'm not just saying this because of the part of Kentucky they're in but this is starting to get a little "You'll Never Leave Harlan Alive"

that's a lot of dead animals

creepy dog for a creepy dude

well he's not hiding something /s

rhetorically asking if she's a witch why was she singing a Christian spiritual (unless either she was doing some kind of Christian mysticism, it was just the healing no other magick or "Wayfaring Stranger" has a backstory and original lyrics I don't know about)

that's one ice-cold manager and I saw what she did to his coffee

so a potential relationship issue

no, she was a healer (and the guy's nicer than you'd think once Colter made him drop his weapon)

I can't make out half of what he's saying through his accent

thank frak Colter's tracking in the light

but shouldn't he not be going there alone esp. with spotty cell service

witch has a hut in the woods, nice

how the heck can he call the bro

so healing was a family business

found the compound of whatever-the-hell-they-are and there's the girl

and Colter managed to safely run through their gun range

a whole lot of convenient flora so he can get through with nothing but crossbow jumpscare

no way they didn't hear him get in the house

that must be why they wanted a healer

found her via her singing

so her healing doesn't take because they're dumbasses and whether magick exists in the Tracker universe is as ambiguous as if aliens do

Chekhov's bang stick (I kept wanting to think land mine because of that Doctor Who episode)

and now things have taken a turn a bit for the Last Of Us

desperate times call for hiding in the creepy abandoned store full of mannequins

does he have another knife or did he just (even temporarily) give her his bro's

that's one way to get around low ammo

we know he doesn't die here of course so let's see how (y'know, "Scorpion climax")

cue the improvised smoke bomb and the damsel saving herself

enjoy crossbow karma

I figured it was going to come down to her healing him (and she also called 911 but why didn't they show up)

looks like her healing the dad actually worked (hmm...worldbuilding implications)

I know she's bluffing but who knows

and then you cut to the coroner truck and scare the crap out of me

did Colter feel like he was saving his sister this whole time

how is he well enough to be able to discharge himself etc., her healing, luck or something more intriguing

bro rewards him, sis rewards him

and they're gone (perhaps another evocative parallel doylistically)

sure he can call Dory let's see if he actually follows through on the getting together or w/e he might have wanted her to call him about

#tracker #cbs tracker #tracker cbs

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quietwings-fics · 5 months ago

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Sunset Pink

Rating: Teen And Up Audiencces Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Fandom: Supernatural Ship: Samifer Additional Tags: Wingfic, Winged Lucifer (Supernatural), Bathing/Washing, Wing Grooming, Caretaking, Established Lucifer/Sam Winchester, Fluff, Touchy-Feely Wordcount: 2935 Summary:

Someone has to take care of Lucifer's wings, seeing as he hasn't been.

Lucifer's wings are not beautiful.

They must have been, once. That much Sam can tell from how hesitant Lucifer is to reveal them. It takes Sam a while to see just how much Lucifer is shaping himself to Sam's expectations, though it probably should have been obvious from the first time they met when Lucifer was still disguising himself as Jess. He wants Sam to see him as an angel, despite the fact that Lucifer has been cut off and lost for so long that he barely resembles his brethren anymore. He cultivates an image of grace that has long since been out of his reach. It's a matter of pride on one hand, because what else does Lucifer have left to him, but it's fear, too. Angels weren't created with isolation in mind. They saw and were seen, an infinite loop that created their own self-image through the reflections in their siblings' eyes. Lucifer was locked in the Cage, away from all of that, left with only the memory of what he was and no way to confirm it.

So, he made himself into an angel for Sam. He taught Sam to see the angelic in him. He recreated the feedback of the host in their two-person system, and for a while, it worked.

Lucifer can't continue to exist as an idea anymore. Not one that stands on a goal he's abandoned. He's not resistant to changing. He's scared that he already has, and what he is, unfiltered, Sam will see, and Sam will hate him for being it.

For all that his refrain is made for each other, Lucifer doesn't actually allow himself to consider that it means all of him. He would rather Sam see him standing over a slaughtered city than show what's become of his wings. He stood in parallel to Heaven in one scene, not that different from Uriel wanting to wipe out a town for the greater good, and if it made Sam fear him, loathe him, then that was fine. That was expected. A controlled vision, even if it was a monstrous one, was still more comfortable than not knowing how Sam would react.

"You don't know what they were like, Sam," Lucifer said, the first and only time Sam pushed. They were fumbling their way through this clusterfuck of a relationship, Lucifer with his complete knowledge of human custom and zero idea of how or why any of it should apply to him and Sam, Sam with his only source on the angelic equivalent being Cas or two thousand year old books written by some very zany priests. He knew he'd miscalculated when Lucifer's expression closed off. "I was always praised for them. God designed Michael with utility in mind, but I was beauty. I was the first and best attempt at something so bright it would make the universe stop and stare." His voice lilted into something else for a moment, almost wistful, before he shut it down again. "And then I was caged. They're a disgrace to what they were."

"This is the only version of you I have," Sam said, carefully. He didn't want to offer reassurances on something he didn't understand. Instead, he was honest, turning Lucifer's words back on him. "I can't compare you against something I never knew." He kissed Lucifer, and like always, when he withdrew, Lucifer was trying and failing to hide his surprise. "I'm not going to make you do it, but when you're ready, if you ever want to, I'm here." Lucifer tilted his head up a little, a silent question, and Sam gave him another kiss.

Lucifer looked unsettled. When he answered, "One day," it still sounded like a promise.

Sam waits. It's only fair. Lucifer waited a long time for him.

The day Lucifer decides on is a quiet one, and the place they find is remote. Sam thinks about his brother recounting the first time he met Castiel, and part of him expects that to be all he gets, shadow-stains on the ceiling above them.

Lucifer inhales unnecessarily. He bows his head.

He didn't tell Sam to keep his distance, so he stands in front of him, eyes flicking between Lucifer's face and the air behind him. What comes first is the light. It shines off of Lucifer, bright enough to blind anyone who isn't Sam, made to contain that light. It turns the form of an average man into something not meant to walk the Earth, but it's familiar, too, in how shining strands escape the confines of his vessel and reach for Sam. Sam can't help a smile as cold grace coils around his wrist, and he reaches for Lucifer's hand. Lucifer relaxes minutely.

And then, the smell.

Sam gags. He knows that smell, the acrid curl of iron and sulfur, only this isn't from a fresh cut. It's old. It's putrefied. Lucifer's eyes snap open in surprise, but Sam covers his mouth and shakes his head. When he looks behind Lucifer now, what he thinks are shadows arc above both of their heads. It takes Sam a minute to see that they are far more solid than shadows.

And they are horrifying.

They dwarf Sam, stretching to the height of the abandoned warehouse they've commandeered before settling back in closer to Lucifer. They're a mass of ragged feathers and scar tissue, all of it covered in ash and dirt and dried blood and other things Sam can't name and doesn't want to know about. Sam doesn't want to look at them, but he does. After so long trying to get Lucifer comfortable with revealing this, how could he look away and betray that trust?

It doesn't make it pleasant. Sam went into this expecting, if not something pretty, something glorious and powerful. Instead, Lucifer has presented him with a festering wound at the heart of his being. He watches Sam's face carefully.

One of his wings twitches back. They move quicker than they look like they should be able to, but then, he's not as bound by the rules of muscle and blood as Sam is. When Sam looks for the cause, he finds his own hand outstretched, fingertips nearly grazing dirty feathers.

"Sorry," he says, but he doesn't withdraw. "Can I?" Lucifer looks confused, but his wing drops back into Sam's reach.

"You can do whatever you want." They're going to have to have a talk about that one day, how there's a line between Lucifer's comfort and his desire to give Sam the world, but they can postpone it long enough for Sam to touch him. Sam brushes his fingers against a clump of feathers. Flakes of dry blood rub away, falling to the ground and clinging rusty-red to Sam's nails. "I tried to warn you," Lucifer whispers.

"You aren't-" Sam brushes a scar, and Lucifer's wing cringes back at the same time he does. Sam has seen him take care of his vessel, even during the Apocalypse when it was falling apart around him. He's felt Lucifer heal him after hunts even when he was insistent that he was fine, knitting up the smallest cuts. He's even seen Lucifer and Dean huddled over the Impala's engine, the only bonding activity Dean will permit with the devil, and how closely Lucifer listens to Dean explaining every small component and how to keep them running smooth. Lucifer does not leave things to fall apart. That he's dragging these wings around when they look like this… "You're hurt. That doesn't make you a disgrace, it just means..." Sam trails off. He rubs his fingers together, trying to get the blood off. Lucifer tilts his head. "It means you need a bath."

"What?" Lucifer says, sounding off-put. Sam puts up a confidence he doesn't feel, showing his hand and the mess that rubbed off. Lucifer's wings flap, and Sam catches him wince, a small twinge around his eyes that Sam wouldn't see if he didn't know where to look. When the wings settle again, Sam notices that one of them hangs lower than the other. "You're not serious," Lucifer continues. "They're physical manifestations, Sam. They aren't flesh and blood. They don't even really have feathers."

"It wouldn't hurt," Sam argues but gently, not wanting to force Lucifer into something he's not ready for. "Let me wash them off. You can't be comfortable walking around like this." The way Lucifer looks at him when he says that breaks Sam's heart. It's like he hadn't even considered it an option. "I'll need you to get me a few buckets of water. Unless you want to take a dip in a lake?" Lucifer shakes his head. For a moment, Sam thinks he's about to veto the entire idea, but then he twists his hand and there's the slosh of a few buckets of water appearing at their feet. Sam bends over to pick one up. He dips his finger to check the temperature, not that he doesn't think Lucifer lacks the sense to make it warm but he was pretty sure it'd turn out badly if the water did happen to be cold and Sam dumped it all over his vulnerable wings. "Lower them, please?" Lucifer does. When the wings tilt, Sam can see that the back of the wing is just as messed up as the underside. Sam hefts a bucket up and pours the water over the feathers.

Lucifer's wing flaps automatically, knocking the bucket out of Sam's hands. The water's already falling to the ground, but Sam still gets splashed with enough to soak through his shirt. Dark red rivulets roll down the feathers, gathering up the muck and washing it clean. Sam puts his hand on Lucifer's shoulder to calm him down. Lucifer's staring at his own wing, entranced by the effect the water is having. It's not removing all of the mess, but it's making a dent in the centuries of neglect. "Want me to keep going?" Lucifer nods.

Sam is able to pour the water more effectively this time. Lucifer manages to keep his wing mostly still. Sam gets it wet from base to tip, and when he absently combs a finger through the damp feathers, he can feel the grime coming free. He shakes it off his hand and tries not to look too disgusted. Lucifer would take that the wrong way. Sam wants to tell him it's not directed at him, but at his Father or brother or whoever locked him up and stole away the simple dignity of feeling clean from him. It's simpler to show him by washing off the sludge that's forming on the edges of his feathers. Sam shakes the bucket, and Lucifer tips his head towards it, filling it again. Sam steps over to his other wing, but between one step and the next, Lucifer sinks to his knees. He looks up at Sam, spreading the still dry wing for him.

"Is this easier?" Sam's mouth has suddenly gone dry.

"Yeah," he manages. He turns the bucket over above Lucifer's other wing. It's helping the smell, at least. "Do you think it's safe to put soap on these?" Lucifer looks incredulous.

"I'm an angel," he says, and Sam's not sure if the offense is at the idea of Sam dipping him in dish soap or that said soap could hurt him somehow.

"Right." Sam rolls his eyes. He runs his fingers through the uppermost feathers again, getting clumps out from between them. With the dark red that coated them before being washed away, what Sam assumes is the natural color is being revealed. He strokes a feather completely clean, wiping the crud off on his jeans. It's the bright pink of a sunset. The barbs all stick together from how wet it is. Seeing it only redoubles Sam's determination to help Lucifer. "Lucifer, soap." Lucifer shakes his wing out and does not give Sam soap. Sam slips his clean hand into Lucifer's hair, dragging it through until he can see Lucifer's eyes shut and feel him lean up into the touch. "Soap," Sam repeats as he pulls his hand away. Lucifer's eyes open, mock betrayal on his face, but when Sam goes down to one knee next to him, there's soap waiting on the ground.

Lucifer's keeping as still as he can for Sam to work, but he can't hold back every movement. Most of them are him turning his head to watch Sam, expression always caught somewhere between disbelief and adoration. Occasionally, he shifts but never tries to pull away from Sam's hands. Sam is working the soap gently against the feathers. Honestly? He has no idea what he's doing. That's why he feels panic rise in his throat when one comes free in his hand, the pink still streaked with grime. Lucifer lets out a shuddering sigh. "Shit," Sam says, "I didn't mean to-"

"What did you do?" Lucifer interrupts. He sounds relaxed. "That felt nice." Sam shows him the feather. Lucifer examines it and shrugs. His wings roll with the movement. The one Sam's cleaning now is the one that sits at an odd angle, but if Sam's unsure about how to clean the things, there's no way he's going to attempt any sort of bone resetting. (Assuming he could even do that.) "I told you. They aren't really feathers. Stop worrying. You can't make them worse than they already are." Sam shakes his head.

"Look at yourself." Lucifer frowns, but he does as he's told, following Sam's gaze. Sam rubs his finger along the wrist of the wing as Lucifer takes it in. There's bubbles clinging to the feathers. A lot of the worst clumps of ash and dirt have been washed further down, clinging to the tips of his secondaries. Sam's made a lot of progress on the top of his wing, and the pink is showing through, only interrupted by the bare and scarred bits that no soap can wash away. Lucifer's speechless for a minute, stretching and turning the wing to take it all in. Sam leans over to him and presses a kiss to his cheek. "You're worth the effort," he whispers.

"They didn't look like that before," Lucifer says, quietly. "Not back in Heaven." Sam turns back to the wing. He strokes another patch of feathers, finding a place that's completely clean of blood and ash, and he presses a kiss to the wing. A gasp escapes Lucifer. Sam's lips tingle like he's been shocked.

"That's okay," he says. "They're yours." He goes back to work, trailing his fingers through the feathers. He has this one to finish and a whole other wing to work on afterwards. Lucifer's moving more under his hands, not conscious movements but small twitches accompanied by sharp inhales. When a second feather comes free and Lucifer makes another noise, closer to a whine than a breath, Sam pauses. "Am I hurting you?"

"No," Lucifer says quickly, "Sam, don't stop." Sam looks him over. Lucifer looks a lot like he did the first time Sam kissed him for longer than a few seconds, overwhelmed by it.

"You're sure?" Lucifer's eyes narrow a little, and Sam pets him again. His head falls as he takes in a deep breath. Sam goes back to his more thorough cleaning, burying his fingers in to the base of the feathers to get stubborn grime out and then sliding his fingers down the vane. Lucifer keeps making those noises. (Sam won't dare say it to his face, but he sounds adorable.) More feathers come free, falling around them, but Lucifer only sounds relieved when it happens. It's slow work, but it's far from boring. Sam sits down so that he can be more comfortable, and Lucifer follows his example. As Sam cleans the long primary feathers, he feels Lucifer lean into him, head tilted to fall on Sam's shoulder. There is so much trust in that, to rest as he lets Sam care for the most important part of him, that it makes Sam's chest warm. He tries not to jostle Lucifer too much as he works. Lucifer's wing smells more like Dawn soap than like Hell's ash, and it's as surreal as it is comforting.

When Sam has to move to reach the other side of his wing better, Lucifer grumbles sleepily. Sam bites back a laugh.

It takes ages and leaves Sam's hands cramping terribly, but he gets Lucifer's wings as clean as he can in one go. Lucifer isn't happy being left all damp. Sam pulls him to his feet. His wings don't seem to weigh anything. They flare behind Lucifer when he stands like they're helping him balance before they curl back in towards Sam. Sam walks him out of the warehouse and through the shadow it casts over them. The field around it is overgrown, more brown than green from the recent lack of rain, but when the sun hits Lucifer's wings, he sighs, blissful. The light refracts through the primaries like they're made of crystals, sprinkling Sam and the surrounding dry grass with glowing pinks.

Lucifer's wings are still scarred. Even cleaned, the fact that Lucifer let Sam touch them so much would probably still leave him sullied in the eyes of most angels. They are not the wings he bore in Heaven, handcrafted by God to be the most beautiful thing in existence. Sam looks at them and at how happy Lucifer looks to have wings that aren't aching under the weight of the grime that collected in the Cage, and Sam loves all of him.

(Enjoyed it? Any interaction is welcomed. You can even support me on Ko-Fi <3)

#fanfiction #1001-5000 #teen and up audiences #spn #samifer #sam winchester #lucifer spn #winged!lucifer #fluff

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atamascolily · 3 months ago

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Some more stuff about the Bug King that I forgot to mention earlier:

It's not obvious in the screenshot in my initial post, but Locust's eyes are different colors! One is blue, the other is red-yellow.

His hair is also two different colors--mostly white, but with a prominent black streak in it. Combined with his heterochromia, this concept of "union of opposites" is baked into his character design; he not only demonstrates this in a metaphorical sense, he embodies it.

(The only other character I can think of with two different colors in their hair is Shang, but his white hairs are more subtle and more evenly distributed instead of in a streak, so it's not as obvious. Also, Locust's headpiece is weirdly reminiscent of Lin's spiky ice-crown, but in reverse. I do not know how much of this is intentional, though.)

Secondly, Locust's isolation is almost certainly linked to his incredibly strong powers, as this is a running theme throughout all of Urobuchi's works. In Madoka Magica and Kamen Rider Gaim, the cost of attaining ultimate power is one's humanity and one's place in ordinary human life. This can be seen in Thunderbolt Fantasy as well, with Shang keeping his distance from others to safeguard the Sorcerous Sword Index, and Lin Xue Ya holding himself aloof and apart except as needed for his schemes. The same appears to be true for Locust; no one in the Order of the Divine Swarm knows his true identity, and his daughter Chao Feng appears completely unaware of her daddy's dual life. In both roles, he exists primarily as a voice behind a screen--which makes the fact that he came after Shang in person especially striking. A twisted sort of honor, one might say.

What's interesting to me about that scene is that Locust does not hide himself in that scene; what we see appears to be his "true" self. Did he walk into that confrontation expecting there would be no surviving witnesses, or was he confident enough that no one would ever be able to put two and two together and make that connection? (If so, he was right--the only people in-universe who know the truth are Jun Po and Lin and Jun Po died immediately afterward, so it's just Lin, and even that hasn't been officially confirmed yet.) We the omniscient viewing audience know because we are witness to everything on-screen, but no one else does.

Which, of course, parallels Lin's character poem:

Subterfuge is not always about lurking in the darkness. Some shadows remain hidden in the light. A hair's breadth separates truth from lies. And none will gaze beyond the illusion to see my true face.

This is another reason why I'm so excited to see Lin and Locust square off--two twisty bastards scheming against each other will be so much fun to watch. Both of them are masters at telling the truth in a way that is completely misleading. (This may or may not be why they share a color scheme, but it's something I wonder about.) But it makes the fact that Locust went after the Index himself instead of through proxies even more odd to me; Lin only fought Mie Tian Hai directly because that was the only way to get what he wanted.

Jun Po says of the Emperor You, "He's been cloistered away ever since his enthronement because of an oracle that was received early on." It's not clear to me yet if this prophecy is real or fake, but either way, I hope we learn more about it, as it's likely tied to Locust's statement that he can only be defeated by a blade beyond reality. Was his isolation from the people a convenient excuse to avoid his duties and devote himself to heretical sorceries, or is there something else going on? I don't know, but I can't wait to find out.

Also, what happened to Locust's wife/Chao Feng's mother?? I don't know, but it really sucks to be a mom in the TBF universe and the Xi You royal family is cursed by Zhao Jun Lin's influence, so it probably wasn't good. Did her death tip him over the edge into villainy, or did he sacrifice her as part of his schemes? I don't know, but her absence from the narrative is striking, and I wonder if we'll learn her fate when Locust's backstory is revealed.

All Hail the Bug King

Today I want to talk about the Big Bad of Thunderbolt Fantasy, Huò Shì Míng Huáng (aka Kasei Meikō, Locust, and/or the Bug King, depending on what language you're using and how irreverent you're feeling at the moment) and what his deal is.

First of all, his name is written as 禍世螟蝗, which is usually translated as "Plague of Moths and Locusts". This is fine, but there are a couple nuances to appreciate here (caveat: not a native speaker, just an interested person with a dictionary):

禍 is the character for calamity, misfortune and disaster.

世 is the character for "world".

螟 does in fact mean "moth", but more specifically pyralid moths, which are very small and have notably large "snouts". I think they're cute, but this family includes numerous agricultural pests like wax moths, rice moths, flour moths, and various borer moths, and that's the sense in which it is being used here.

蝗 is the character for "locust", which is a generic term for any kind of grasshopper with a swarming phase. Under certain environmental conditions, normally solitary grasshoppers will form impressively large groups and devour everything in their path.

"Plague of Moths and Locusts" doesn't really get at the scale of this guy's ambitions, imo, but it's accurate and concise while still inculcating some existential dread and establishing the bug theme. However, I wanted to lead with the breakdown of his name because it's actually a very clever way of establishing his other theme, which is unleashing global calamity... or something, anyway.

Our first glimpse of the Bug King is in this weird liminal space where he conducts meetings with the members of the Order of the Divine Swarm ("Divine Locust Alliance"). It's basically a giant 3-D Zoom meeting where participants can either talk with their cameras off or pop in directly.

Each member of the group has their own distinct sigil; Locust's is a grasshopper with what appears to be an eye on its back, which is fitting given that he's just used his surveillance orb to spy on Shang Bu Huan from a distance.

In the beginning, we know two things about Locust: he wants the Sorcerous Sword Index, and he's powerful enough to make Shang Bu Huan start running. But it isn't until halfway through Season 3 that we finally see the man in the flesh, in a terrifying flashback where he kicks our heroes' asses.

(In classic Thunderbolt Fantasy tradition, cue the "oh, shit, he's hot!" moment.)

This scene is a lot to take in on first watch because there's so much going on, but became clearer to me after repeated viewings:

First of all, Locust's line, "Only a blade whose existence defies reality can hope to destroy me" screams of foreshadowing, and I fully expect him to meet his comeuppance through exactly this method, even though I don't know how or why it happens. It also reminds me of Lin smugly remarking that words are enough to take down foes that are immune to blades in S2, which I suspect is also relevant here--and I'd be very surprised if Lin is not at least partly responsible for Locust's ultimate downfall through some clever rules lawyering, just like he engineered Zhao Jun Lin's defeat in S3.

Two, Mu Tian Ming is specifically targeted because she tells Shang that the whole thing is a trap to make him use the Index. "[He] is a master of heretical magics! He's bound to be up to something!" Locust blinds her not just to bait Shang into reacting, but because she sees too much. The Index is the one weapon that Shang cannot use under any circumstances, because somehow Locust will turn it against him; somehow, it is the key to Locust's plans or else he wouldn't be making such of an effort to acquire it in the first place.

In the end, Locust's gambit backfires: maiming Tian Ming causes an infuriated Lang Wu Yao to gain an unexpected power-up and wallop the Bug King with a lightning bolt. It doesn't kill him, but it does cause him to retreat, allowing Shang to ultimately take Tian Ming's advice and flees the country.

In Season 3, we learn more about Locust's ultimate goal: although his agents believe they are fighting for the future of Xi You, he doesn't want to usurp the throne of Xi You at all. Using a scale as a metaphor, he tells Yi Piaomiao (actually Lin Xue Ya in disguise) that his ambition is not to choose between one side or the other, but to become the scale itself. In other words, all roads lead to the same end; all choice is an illusion, just like the ones the Bug King surrounds himself with, obscuring their true nature.

And in a final episode twist that made me scream obscenities at the screen, all of this is proven even more true with the reveal that Locust is also the Emperor of Xi You, who has been in seclusion since his ascension as part of a prophecy. In the end, there's no difference between the Order of the Divine Swarm and the Imperial army; for all of Wan Jun Po's agonizing over his perceived treachery, he served the same master the entire time without knowing it, right up to the moment of his death at said master's hands. Absolutely masterful writing there on so many levels.

But this brings me to my next point, which is What exactly does Locust want? He already has plenty of worldly power at his disposal and he's a master of heretical arts. What exactly does he need the Sorcerous Sword Index for, given what he's already capable of? (Okay, so technically at least one of the swords belonged to the Xi You royal family, but somehow I don't think that's what this is about.)

Here's my guess: Locust wants the Index not as an end in itself, but as the means to a larger end. His ambitions are cosmic in scope, and somehow the Index is key to unlocking or unleashing whatever it is he has in mind. Maybe, like Mie Tian Hai, he's fine with letting the demons destroy the world so he can be recognized as a savior, but I think Locust's plan is so much bigger than that.

There are so many dualities in Thunderbolt Fantasy--Dong Li and Xi You, Imperial government and the Order of the Divine Swarm, human and demon worlds, etc, etc. I think Locust wants to move beyond them all, to become a god--the "Divinity" in "Divine Swarm" is more than merely poetic.

When Locust says he wants to become the scale, I don't think it's a metaphor. I think he literally wants to fuse with the world somehow, so that he becomes the arbiter of fate itself, so that choice and free will either no longer exist or they become co-opted, to the point where they are merely illusions, and nothing happens that Locust himself does not personally will or desire. Rebellion would be impossible, especially since most people won't even notice what has happened in the first place!

(Oh, and if you want further proof, the name of his weapon is 諸業俱毀, "All Karmas Destroyed Together", which is, er, a little on the nose, don't you think?)

Fate is a key theme in Thunderbolt Fantasy, so it's not surprising to me that Locust's plan would center around becoming it. Shang makes no secret how important choice is to him--how even villains can actively choose to be better--and his refusal to let fate define him. Meanwhile, Lin Xue Ya is out there actively manipulating fate for his own ends--see the dolls he crafts specifically to take advantage of his connection with Shang.

The relationship between these three is going to be incredibly important going forward, but I want to specifically to talk about Lin vs. Locust, because that's the least examined and has some interesting points.

Both Lin and Locust are masters of illusion who manipulate others. For the first time, Lin is going up against someone with a similar skillset--someone who is almost certainly more powerful than he is. That doesn't mean Lin can't win, merely that Locust represents a different kind of challenge in scale and scope than his previous targets.

Both Lin and Locust are hiding things from each other. If Lin hasn't already figured out the implications of the scale speech, he will soon, thus knowing a secret Locust takes pain to keep hidden. What will he do with that knowledge? The real question for me is is, how long will it take Locust to figure out "Piaomiao" isn't who he seems--and what will he do with it? The stakes are incredibly high and neither side has a definite advantage at this point. How many twists and turns will this game of cat and mouse get to before the end?

Finally, those of you who are familiar with Puella Magi Madoka Magica (also written by Urobuchi) have probably noticed the parallels between Locust and Walpurgisnacht, the Witch of Calamities, a collective of fallen magical girls who appears as a storm and brings destruction in her wake. Walpurgisnacht is the Stage-Producing Witch, for whom the whole world is a stage, who manipulates the real world as if it is her labyrinth (as it may well be!) and for whom everyone is a character playing out their assigned parts. Walpurgisnacht's nature and true identity has yet to be revealed, but it's highly likely that as with Locust, she will be intimately connected to someone we already know, or think we know.

It's not that that Madoka Magica and Thunderbolt Fantasy are the same story--far from it--but they share the same author, and so it's only natural that their themes and motifs echo each other, turning up in different forms and different ways. Ultimately, in each case, the antagonist is a collective directed by a single intelligence that hides behind illusion, brings complete and total destruction in their wake, and represents fate itself--and who is challenged by heroes who believing in defying that fate to create a world where human choice still matters. In a way, it's weirdly fitting that the next installments in each of these two series will likely come out at around the same time, juxtaposing them even further.

#thunderbolt fantasy #wuxia fantasy puppet epic #thunderbolt fantasy meta

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ladynamida · 2 years ago

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Devil May Cry: Vergil's Clothes

Warning: self-indulgent headcanons and rambling to follow. Tw for very brief mentions of violence against children (this is Vergil we're talking about here and I don't think he's had a good time).

I'm thinking again about how Vergil is wrapped in so many layers of clothes. Yes Vergil being so gussied up is an aesthetic treat but why is he like this?

On that day, the day of the fire, he was attacked, stabbed to within an inch of his life and turfed out of his home - and his family, or so he thought - wearing a shirt, shorts and boots. Suitable for a life on the run and on the streets it was not. It makes sense that once he was able he would dress in sturdier clothes for travelling, fighting demons and inclement weather alike.

We don't know the details of Vergil's later childhood years but I don't think the DMC universe is so different to ours that we should assume it is different than for real vulnerable street children. (Barring the eternal threat of demons hunting the blood of Sparda - but the parallels between them and real human traffickers and perpetrators of violence - physical, mental or sexual - against children are a whole other matter to consider.)

There was some information saying he was raised in isolation or in hell but I don't think that was confirmed as canon and still lacks any kind of detail. So how did young Vergil survive? Was he taken in? It strikes me that kind of situation may not have lasted long if he was hunted... Did he find sympathisers willing to support him?... Did he steal?... Did the mighty Son of Sparda have to beg for socks and bread? What a treasure trove of humiliating memories for such a proud and haughty man, pre-packaged and ready to be used against him by anyone wishing to cause him pain (looking at you Mundus). Somehow I doubt he immediately learned how to glamour-up a new outfit a la Trish's technique without guidance but it would have been helpful.

When we see Vergil in DMC3 he is dressed for the party: that beautiful, vivid blue battle coat with its gold lining and thorns/vine motif, the snakeskin trousers and belt combo, the boots and of course the infamous ascot scarf...

However he got them, to me it feels like a statement. "I'm not hiding any more." Chin jutted out, frown between brows, you can see me and I am untouchable. You have shown me no mercy, see how strong and unforgiving I am now. Who is that message for... the demonic legions hunting him or the scared little boy who had to grow up too quickly? Denial (like many behaviours) can be a useful emotional self-defence mechanism until it takes you too far down a dangerous path and reality catches up with you.

... and despite the overt flair and flamboyance if you look past the jewel colours he's pretty well wrapped - especially if you compare his outfit with Dante's. I know I know, in his defence Dante was rudely interrupted by Arkham's invitation and jumped right into action, but even so their clothes mimic their mannerisms. Vergil's? Stoic. Upright. Inviolable. Closed off. Separate. Alone. Lonely?

We know what "clothes" Vergil wears next. Armour: dark, constricting, binding, hopeless. Eventual escape - but not rescue.

So now imagine surviving the unsurvivable only to find yourself crumbling apart from the inside, knowing no matter how many cloaks or rags you wear you can't hide this time when the monster is inside your skin. A time to mourn then, the colours muted, darker, but an attempt to reclaim "oneself" - whatever that looks like after being torn apart. The thorns return and his own colour, but not the sparkling blues that almost glowed in the darkness of Temen Ni Gru. Perhaps a more grown up outfit for a man who didn't really live through all of the years he has been alive but survived them none-the-less. Scars, tattered coat-tails and all.

V. V, V, V... who didn't initially choose the outfit he wore but seemed to choose to keep wearing it despite spending a month surrounded by abandoned clothes stores or at least homes. Surely he could have pilfered some more sensible or logical devil hunting threads, unless he felt he didn't need to. Metaphorically cloaked by the support of his nightmares, maybe? (Or maybe he felt like your average run-of-the-mill demons wouldn't be as interested in getting their claws into him - and besides, what could they possibly do to him that hadn't been done before?) Dangerous bravado for someone so physically weak, a reminder of whom he came from.

Urizen, containing Vergil's lust for power and propped up by the skills he valued at the time of his Yamato-induced schism - power and strength, physical and demonic. In self preservation and to become stronger he armoured himself with the Qliphoth tendrils and used them to take the blood of human innocents. Take, take, take. Why shouldn't he take when so much has been taken from him? His outermost armour and shield, the faithful friend he carried and was protected by throughout those formative childhood years - Yamato. He eats the Fruit and sheds the armour - why would it be necessary now? Again, he feels untouchable, unbreakable, strong (using his own somewhat limited definition of the term). He loses of course because he is incomplete - V had strength too though it manifested in different ways. The strength to overcome, the strength to do whatever it takes to survive and the strength to ask for help (although perhaps that is debatable, since he acted at times as though he thought he was in control and manipulating those foolish enough to help him).

Even after reforming as Vergil and meeting Dante atop the Qliphoth nothing seems to have changed. Of course we know from Visions of V that a lot has changed. The way Vergil feels is laid bare for us to see and Vergil regains some parts of himself that he lost all of those years ago... not only that day but throughout the following years where his only option was to survive.

But no open-necked Henley, no forearms on show, still wrapped in those layers. Another armoured vest (sleeveless?) zipped and buttoned to within an inch of his life (and chin - those animations don't exactly make it look comfortable). The other devil hunters in the series seem much happier casually flashing their skin - midriff, cleavage, abs and ass cheeks aplenty - so what makes Vergil any different, other than his antagonist status? (Maybe I'm thinking too deeply and it's purely fan-service.)

So, still looking for protection, still hiding, still afraid of appearing (or being) anything other than untouchable? Still protecting his vulnerable core from anyone or anything that would harm him?

Recovery from trauma is an ongoing process, not something that can be "fixed" within the scope of a game, or a year, or a decade, nor can people be "fixed" to become the same person they once were. But people can grow and become something more and find life worth living again. So maybe one day we'll get to see all three descendants of Sparda with their coats on the ground and hearts on their sleeves, sparring for fun as a family.

Tldr: something something a self-defence mechanism against the entire world something

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If you made it to the bottom of this self-indulgent ramble then kudos to you! So many thoughts, so difficult to articulate and so few words... and there are so many tangents I could go off on but I won't since we somehow made it to a conclusion. Sometimes you've just got to let it out 🎶

#devil may cry #devil may cry vergil #dmc vergil #tw child abuse #only implied very briefly but i dont want to upset anyone #vergil's clothes and some possible in-universe explanations for them #i think about this way too much actually #my writing #dmc headcanons

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