#this is a note to self kinda thing like

[cantstopkillingtime]

I love you anthologies. I love you short stories. I love you haiku. I love you sonnets. I love you ballads. I love you limericks. I love you short films. I love you 10-50 second songs and samples. I love you self contained movies. I love you mini episodes.

[autisticandroids]

CASTIEL: Stop. What's the point if you don't mean it? You fear me - not love, not respect, just fear.

[youtube with closed captions]

a godstiel pity party. i'd like to thank an anon i got way back in february of 2021.

[amarriageoftrueminds]

I ended up doing a long old rant on this other post, about the problems with the Steve/Bucky characterisation in CATFA, how it fails to make them mutual in their support / fails to properly show Steve's struggles and independence, before serum.

And I was thinking...

what would you have to do, if you wanted to write a CATFA or pre-war Stucky fic and wanted to fix all those problems?

So I figured I'd make a list!

Pardon me while I rip CATFA a new one...

.

Problem 1) Pre-serum Steve acts as if he's independent and self-reliant without Bucky... when the opposite is shown.

A) He doesn't have a job.

(He isn't shown working, doesn't mention working, or taking time off to do the things we see him doing etc. Bucky is framed as paying for things.)

If the fic is set during CATFA you could fix that by mentioning Steve does have a job but has been given time off to go enlist. Or has just been fired from his job unfairly. Basically anything to show that Steve has had a job, has been working. Perhaps even had multiple jobs simultaneously!

Probably cut out the part where Steve scoffs at working in a factory or collecting scrap metal (more likely he'd admire and/or understand why both of those are viable options; maybe they're jobs he has done in the past but is biased against now for some experiential-related reason. Not middle class snobbery or toxic masculinity.)

Or, if he still does not want to work in a factory... well, at the time, with most men being overseas, factory work would've been women's work. So perhaps Steve was reluctant because it feels emasculating. Or maybe even dysphoric, to be relegated to otherwise female-only spaces, instead of welcomed into (then) male-only spaces like the Army? 🤔

(This still rings of toxic masculinity but would at least be interesting if it was acknowledged as a flaw in-story. It would especially ring true if you were doing a trans!Steve story, or emphasising the disability aspect of his life. And it would cycle back when he gets stuck in the USO, doing women's work again.)

B) It would also be better characterisation if pre-serum Steve was actually already good at fighting, but just happened to be outclassed by heavier weight opponents, and/or handicapped by sudden disability flare ups mid-fight.

(In the tie-in comic, Bucky taught him how to box. Why not keep this? Logically, Steve's lack of skill makes no sense! Bucky can canonically throw a punch, pre-serum, so why wouldn't he have taught his best friend?)

However, the ability to fight and win should be a matter of Steve's spirit and mind, not his physical body or his training.

It shouldn't just arrive with serum.

(To put it in His Dark Materials terms; Will Parry has a warrior's daemon, even when he's a 12 year old boy; he can win a contest against a grown man, or even an armoured polar bear! Likewise, Steve Rogers is supposed to be the David who can win against a Goliath - and that means, yes, even when he's still the little guy!)

I know it's easy to have Bucky swoop in to save Steve from a fight he's losing disastrously. But it would be more gripping (and make Bucky's value shine more), if Steve was actually winning the fight, despite being the underdog, and then something completely out of his control happened that tipped the tide against him, and then Bucky arrived to save him!

And also it would make more sense if Steve's health at the time of CATFA was in a lifetime high point, (possibly because of Bucky's long term support).

Then it would be less nonsensical to be trying to lie his way into the Army. There has to be some actual common sense logic behind his choice, so that he's not essentially snapping 'Bucky why won't you support me committing suicide, gdi??'

Steve shouldn't be getting his first real win by knocking down a flagpole; he should've been showing this capability in his pre-war / pre-Army time, too.

The Steve we saw with Bucky failed at everything he attempted: couldn't convince a doctor to help him, couldn't pass a physical, couldn't talk a wrongdoer out of doing wrong, couldn't fight, couldn't get bitches, and lacked basic common sense.

(His disabilities are not apparent just by looking at him, and yet the idiot gave every Army doctor an accurate list of his disabilities when he was trying to lie his way into the Army. 🤦‍♀️ Even when he succeeds in talking Erskine into giving him a chance, that only happens because Erskine overheard a speech prompted by Bucky.)

As far as Bucky has seen, Steve is a comprehensive failure.

...Until Steve arrived at basic training, whereupon suddenly he had brains and guts, and competence Bucky was never in a position to witness (somehow?? despite knowing him all his life?)

And yet it was treated as an unreasonable stance of Bucky's to be skeptical of Steve's ability to be a soldier.

This isn't fair, and it doesn't make sense.

The script transparently made sure to get Bucky out of the way before they showed Steve being competent at something for the first time ever, so that other characters could be credited with 'noticing' Steve's potential, instead of Bucky.

(Even though, as mentioned: Bucky has known Steve, probably for decades by this point, spent huge amount of time with him, and should know his capabilities better than Steve even does himself.)

Even when Steve succeeds in getting into the Army, the plot makes sure to shove Bucky off-screen to make sure he can't witness any of it. Even though he's right there outside when it happens, is the only reason Steve is there, and the only reason Erskine decided to give Steve a one-on-one interview in the first place (because of overhearing a reply prompted by Bucky).

Two seconds of sense should tell you that this apparent ignorance of Steve's qualities has to be impossible.

What, in years and years of inseparable friendship, Steve has never demonstrated the signs that would convince Bucky he's capable?

Is Steve only an idiot loser when he's in Brooklyn?

How does that work?

Is it like werewolves with the moon -- as soon as Bucky's out of sight, Steve turns into a pocket-sized brainy badass, but the second Bucky reappears, Steve turns back into a useless short king again?

Possible Fixes:

You could keep the incompetence but emphasize the idea of Steve entering a fight he knows he's going to lose, in order to accomplish a hidden goal that the enemy doesn't know about.

IE. Steve fighting the bully in the alleyway -- he loses the fight, but succeeds in stopping the bully from making a scene in the cinema, which was his original goal. So mention it!

(Steve could be like 'winning this fight wasn't the point.' And Bucky could be like 'ah, so what were you distracting him from?')

Perhaps Steve's secret goal in joining the war isn't to win the fight against Nazis, but to distract Nazis from Bucky?

You could even keep Steve's silly Bucky-centric incompetence and address it by saying, eg. that Bucky has been doing such an extremely good job of protecting Steve, that Steve really never has been put in a position where he had to stand on his own before.

That he's never demonstrated competence in Bucky's presence because Bucky's own excellence meant he simply never had to? 🤔

(Kinda like how a helicopter parent actually produces a feckless child, until the child gets out on their own and has to learn how to actually do things for themselves.)

Maybe Steve and Bucky's disagreement could be over the fact that they both know Steve is incapable, but Steve wants a chance to strike out on his own and become capable?

Though, note: this would undermine the 'David vs Goliath' vibe the original comics intended, where it's the little guy who's hyper-competent (David doesn't become capable of beating Goliath by just ...becoming Goliath!) And it would make Steve unfair in his dismissal of Bucky's then-accurate assessment of him.

.

Problem 2) The support is imbalanced; Bucky's doing all the emotional, financial, and physical labour in the relationship.

You could fix that by showing how pre-serum Steve was not only mutually financially supportive of Bucky (in the sense of having a job), but was also supporting Bucky emotionally and physically, just as much as Bucky supported him. He could be doing at least 2 of the 3!

Possible Examples:

Bucky going through an emotionally hard time that pre-serum Steve pulls him through (just as Bucky did with Steve's Ma).

Steve treating Bucky's wounds after a fight, just as Bucky treats his. (If Bucky's a boxer, like the tie-in comic, then Steve could be his cut man when he's in the ring!)

Steve paying for some of their expenses, or finding places to take Bucky that are free when it's his turn to plan a day out, etc.

.

Problem 3: Sarah & problem 2.

If this is CATFA / post-death setting, show flashbacks or make references to Steve visiting her in hospital, or doing the work of nursing her himself / sitting by her bedside if she died at home, paying for her medicine, etc.

So that it's not just another example of Bucky wholly carrying Steve; show the balance. Maybe Bucky was temporarily footing the bill so that Steve could afford to quit his job and do the nursing at home. Both putting the work in, in different ways.

(This would be a perfect example of one way Bucky's experience of looking after sick Steve would pay off, and make him able to teach Steve how to do it when the roles are reversed.)

Better yet, a show-don't-tell of Sarah instilling Steve's moral compass and tenacity; maybe even some Bucky POV to show her impact isn't just relegated to Steve.

Her absence could also be shown in present day with Steve, eg. packing up his things to go to basic and having to leave behind some keepsake of hers. In the comics Steve carried her photo.

Perfect candidate to put in his compass!

.

Problem 4: The relationship is framed as transactional.

Less:

'I'll do X for Bucky now because Bucky did Y for me back then.'

And more:

'Helping Bucky is the right thing to do because he's innocent, so I'm going to do it regardless of personal connections or outside whining trying to dissuade me, and he would still do the same thing for me, or anyone else, because he's a good person too.'

There has to be more to their friendship than just convenience, needing each other around to help; there has to be an actual desire to be together for pure enjoyment, too. IMO you'd need at least one scene where Steve and Bucky aren't benefiting in some way from spending energy on eachother. They're just... happy being together.

And perhaps Bucky isn't the only friend pre-serum Steve could have had, just the one Steve most wanted to stick with. (His options should amount to more than 'Bucky or no one.')

Maybe they had other friends who had - here's an idea - been drafted and died already by the time we met them?

Perhaps Steve's health absences and strong principles also drove other friendship prospects away? Perhaps Steve even lost other disabled friends to their poor health, poverty, and necessarily itinerant lifestyle, etc?

.

Problem 5: A's problems are framed as B's.

No more 'Steve getting attacked' being framed as a problem for Bucky.

No more 'Bucky being drafted to die' framed as a problem for Steve.

Better characterisation would show these bad things affect the victim first and foremost, and only also the other one.

Steve shouldn't be seeing Bucky's shipping-out uniform (skipping right over thank yous and congratulations) and talking about how that's sad for... himself.

Steve shouldn't be sabotaging Bucky's last night of freedom in NYC to spend it on... his own goals.

Sidenote: Bucky wanting to spend his last night of freedom with strangers is such idiotic writing anyway, when he has both Steve and a living family with whom he could be spending those last precious moments! And dragging Steve on a double blind date he clearly doesn't want to go on is counter-productive. It undermines the mutually-supportive / mutually communicative relationship Steve and Bucky should logically have, as lifelong inseparable best friends (viz. Bucky who's known Steve so long should be able to tell he's not happy, AND care about that fact.) And it shifts the blame for Steve's singlehood off of him and onto Bucky, and women generally.

Steve shouldn't be detailing why he's so keen to fight, and focusing on ...random men he doesn't know, not directly/unequivocally mentioning Bucky at all.

(Indirectly, he wants to be like the men laying down their lives -- so... like Bucky? But this is still nonsense. He should want to be there to support Bucky, not to copy him! They're so fixated on not mentioning Bucky as a motive, in this scene, that they somehow forget that Steve's father was a soldier! They could've cited him as Steve's motive, and avoided the issue altogether!)

It's likewise nonsense for Bucky, who has known Steve since he was a child, to ask Steve why he's keen to fight.

Bucky wouldn't need to ask. Bucky would alread know.

Lazy clumsy exposition.

And the narrative should be showing us why Steve wants to fight Nazis, rather than having Steve Recite An Infodump of a vague reason without anything to back it up.

Speaking of which...

.

Problem 6: Lack of explicit politics.

Like in the comics, Steve's reasons for fighting Nazis should be explicitly left wing and political, as well as passionately personal.

(Wanting to be like able-bodied men who get girlfriends is complete cringe incel bullshit as a motivation and not true to the comics, or CEvans's performance!)

Proper Steve characterisation should have him behaving in a way that shows he's a man ahead of his time in terms of Antifa politics, and that's why he wants to fight.

IE. happily sharing housing and schooling with people of other races, ethnicities, and religions. (Especially so when he has been in the same SEC as them / been in multiple different schools and lived in various neighbourhoods as a poor kid. Would also establish why both Steve and Bucky are fine having Gabe and Jim on their team!)

Not judging and mistreating disabled people the way he is.

Not judging unmarried mothers, belittling working women, expecting his mother to do all the housework, etc.

Not freaking out about the existence of queer people in public (even in an AU where he isn't one) defending gay men from attack as he does in the comics,

protesting and/or sabotaging public Nazi meetings in NYC, fighting with homegrown Nazi bullies especially,

ditto corrupt business owners / mafia union-runners as he does in the comics, etc.

(Sidenote: as a congenitally disabled person, Steve is also a target of Nazi rhetoric himself. So he would be personally concerned with fighting Fascism, and perhaps this was his philosophical springboard to recognising and combating all the other bullshit in its thinking, even when it's entrenched in American society.)

Basically, the Hydra saboteur should not be the first Nazi Steve ever got his hands on!

And Bucky should be an addendum when it comes to his reasoning. The heart of Steve's motive, where politics are the guts.

.

Problem 7: No disability rep.

A) Steve should not be saying that he, a disabled man, shouldn't have the 'right' to do less than able-bodied men, even though it is literally physically impossible...

...UNLESS, this internalized ableism is addressed in-story, rather than treated as if it's normal and even noble.

Other characters can be ableist; Steve should not (not only is he disabled himself, but he's supposed to know better!) ....unless it's part of an arc that shows him learning the error of his ways.

And that's a slippery slope when you consider that Project Rebirth, started by Nazis, really is a Eugenics project.

Instead of this suicidal ideation, it could be shown that Steve's health has recently become good enough for him to survive and succeed in the Army. And/or that Steve is passionate about fighting fascism, personally, because he belongs to a class of people whom Nazis believe shouldn't be allowed to exist.

Without Steve arguing that he should throw his disabled life away, just because able-bodied men are taking a significantly lesser risk of dying than him.

B) There should be actual details of Steve's disabilities, what they are and how they affect him. (Him - not Bucky.) In a way that has concrete negative consequences, beyond just not getting into the Army.

Possible Examples:

Kid!Steve being held back a year at school because of missing days due to sickness. (Kids can be cruel and parents can be ignorant; he might've been bullied and ostracised for being sick and believed contagious. And that's before the consider the amount of isolation necessary for recovery periods.)

Kid!Steve having to move around a lot (which would also affect which school he'd have to attend; always the new boy!) because losing money to medicine affects what his mother can afford, affects her work schedule when she has to look after him. Living in a worse place would then exacerbate his pre-existing symptoms, and so on.

Adult!Steve losing a job because of sick days, losing savings to pay for medicine, getting sick again because he chose heating and groceries over medicine, or vice versa, etc.

(This / the moving-around might be mitigated if he and Bucky are living together, meaning Bucky could make up the shortfall.)

Steve could lose friendships, job opportunities, or romantic partners due to sickness repeatedly taking him out of social circulation.

He might also have disabled friends who lost the fight / weren't as lucky as him.

You could also play into the Nazi eugenics then endemic to the USA and have medical professionals telling Steve he shouldn't be alive; 'well-meaning' people offering to pray for him, saying they'd have just 'given up' if they were born like him, etc. (Or even saying these things to his mother!)

Adult!Steve repeatedly failing his physical to get into the Army, because his disabilities are visible to the naked eye, and not because the 4F dimwit outright told the doctor everything that's wrong with him when he's trying to pass himself off as a 1A. 🤦‍♀️

And Steve should maybe mention once or twice that he feels better after serum, and truly couldn't be doing what he's doing in Europe, if superserum hadn't also cured all his ailments?

If he's much more peppy afterwards, it should be because for the first time in his life he can actually breathe and spring out of bed!

.

Problem 8) The Incelery.

Pre-serum Steve should not be framed as undateable because he's short and disabled.

If Steve hasn't had a girlfriend, it should be because he didn't want one, not because he's incapable; not because evil women are repulsed by invisible health issues, or because Bucky is simply too dreamy for a disabled man to possibly compete with.

Be so fr! 🙄

You could fix this by making Steve:

gay,

ace,

demi,

coincidentally surrounded by lesbians,

by women who have horrible unattractive politics,

too sick or busy with work to date,

getting attention but it's the wrong kind (ie. women who want to fetishize or nanny him),

and/or being very attractive to women even before serum but oblivious and/or simply not interested. 😂

/more than one of the above.

.

[artsycooky13]

top 3 fave bbys in the burrito show (bonus SUPER LONG tags on how i feel bout the characters)

[slavhew]

Hello!

If you're not too busy, would you mind listing some of the things you think count as death flags for Mr. Spender?

There's the obvious fact that he's the "old" mentor to group of young protagonists, but what else do you think would count?

OHH BOY ok so I'd think I'm a crackpot for this but since we're talking about Zack "Foreshadowing" Morrison. I have some thoughts

No harm in leading with the (chronologically) first thing that jumped out at me:

This one IMMEDIATELY made me antsy whenever I came back to it after my initial read, and considering Zack has referred to it on twitter in the past as one of their favorite jokes it's definitely not been forgotten about.

Second, the sheer amounts of near-misses, jokey or not, of Spender narrowly avoiding specifically lightning

Again, not much, but it's weird that it happened thrice, latter two of which had real gravitas rather than an one-off joke.

And third, Spender himself. He's repeatedly shown himself to be kind of a self sacrificing idiot, as well as prideful to a fault. Granted, it's both him and Mina trying to take on all the responsibility of saving Mayview and its inhabitants from their fate.. But Spender is exactly that right measure of doesn't-value-himself-enough (chest footprint aftercare or lack thereof), having an obscene amount of power (enables his loner act + pride) and poor judgement that has the capacity to put him at great risk. And it has!

Spender has not only shown low enough self-esteem to view himself as the de-facto scapegoat for the safety of the town, but also prideful enough to make very bad calls that end up in people, often himself, hurt (COUGH FORGE INCIDENT COUGH)

This is all conjecture, but it's definitely enough to make me worried about him :') Even if all this doesn't mean he'll necessarily die he's definitely getting (even more) seriously injured at some point. I love the guy but he's so far doing a horrible job of convincing me he wants to live bad enough to circumvent at least that

[otogariado]

i am actually glad that fionna's finally starting the part of her character arc in the last ep that involves seeing the people and creatures she fights (and usually kills) as actual living beings and not just video game NPCs or something. she was shown to be brash and physical with others since the first ep, and while i'm not gonna sit here and say she should be more dainty or some other crap like that, i am glad she's finally starting to realize how her actions affect other people and that the reality of the multiverse is sinking into her. interesting stuff!

[mercisnm]

a wip and a sketch that i kind of gave up on (but you guys can have, as a treat) because god help me if i look at the finger wave and the cat eyeliner a second longer my eyes will probably melt away, and not in a good way

the other: 450 y.o senior (ancient) citizen going b-b-baka you are welcome

[tele-mesmerism]

anyways since ive been pretty ok w middle grade stuff i realized i could try reading hdm... have been jealous of ppl who read them when they were the target age bc i usually cant stand ya/juvenile but. some stuffs been good! ill give it a chance!

[spamtoon]

i would take their poison

Sketch + Line Art for those Clicking Under the Cut(tm) (archival purposes honestly)

[turtleblogatlast]

omfg did you have any content on that post you just posted? the one about leo never shutting up until hes in real pain? because you are very much Correct for that one holy hell it gets me every time

[ cw: violence mention / self sacrifice implied / ]

No content, just something I thought upon when thinking of the movie (something that is on my mind so very often.)

Just, thinking of Leo, when he’s separated from everyone and everything, being completely silent. Even being so horrifically beaten as he was, even being in a true nightmare scenario, he is silent in his suffering. Smiles through it, even.

At the moment where it would have been more than justified to make any noise, he stays silent.

[theswedishpajas]

Finally drew the boios 👁👁

[elegyofthemoon]

ok because my memory is so trashy and need to find a way to keep tabs on who actually likes tag games:

feel free to like this post to let me know if you would like me to tag you in future tag games!! (you are also welcome to unlike it too if you dont want to be tagged further!!)

[shitty-goose-quack]

decide how my afternoon goes:

5 notes: left overs when i get home <3

10 notes: take a normal length shower

20 notes: text my friends and tell them i love them

30 notes: read the legal cases i have for hw

40 notes: haircut!!

50 notes: put on a binder and loose shirt and stand to pee

60 notes: open my new jug of mango juice

70 notes: go to bed on time

80 notes: do my algebra homework too

90 notes: shower with the fancy soap and exfoliate and put lotion on after

100 notes: actually remember to take my meds before bed

[savage-rhi]

Fuchsia 😂

[improbable-implosions]

Despite the fact that I've been doing this show live since September 2017, I still remain not entirely immune to the siren's call of the sandman while reading. You'd think, over time, I would get better about being able to not be such a sleebgy little guy live on camera, but as its worked out? not so much!

Luckily, that's not quite so much trouble when it comes to the audio-only version of things, but still, it makes things a good bit more fussy overall in the edit. Of course, I wouldn't have this problem NEARLY as badly if I were to take it a bit easier throughout the day so I'd have a few spoons to spare. There's just something about getting a bunch of little stuff done on a Friday though, y'know?

Anyway, the second satellite is actually quite the blast to read, so if you're looking to improve your public domain cred, and would prefer an audiobook to the text on the page, feel free to check this show out! (You can also drop by live to catch it much earlier than the podcast feed!)

[hershelwidget]

I drew something for TBoCI for the first time in what feels like forever even though it’s only been a month

Something something AU where instead of sending each kid to the Magical Islands FT keeps all them with him and Perry as well so they ALL end up on Cold Island pre-collapse… Alternatively here’s four canon characters and two fanmade characters, guess whos who (all of that was sarcasm)

In other words I decided I will starting this over from the ground-up. It’s been over a year and my motivation is finally, FINALLY back. I will be keeping all of the current stuff on @theballadofcoldisland but that ask blog is officially shut down and is now just an archive.

Instead of being one long and strange story that only focuses on characters that honestly have nothing to do with the title, I will split TBoCI into several smaller stories that give a MUCH better insight on the motivations, groups, and the like. I will inevitably share the original files, drafts, and ideas.

This is the part where I get somewhat emotional and sincere apologies in advance to plushii, who I might mention in there. All good things, my friend. All good things.

I think this is the best course of action. There are a lot of characters in this story that despite being incredibly important, are not addressed properly or not at all until the last chapter that only exists in my notes. I mean… A massive amount of this story has only been discussed in a discord chat with a person I cannot contact anymore. It’s a massive mess of an idea that sounds stupider everytime I think of it.

And then a long while ago now, I was on Pony Town and talking to a friend I has just made. I distinctly remember they were in a Celestial skin. I think at some point they’d asked what “TBoCI” meant in my name, and I explained my story to them. They said they were writing a fanstory for MSM as well. I encouraged them to post it.

Now I daily see wonderful, wonderful content for that story, both from the creator and the fans. I finally understood what I did wrong. TBoCI was incoherent and messy where Fallen Stars was clean and consistent. I had so much in my mind that I had spilled it all out to One Person, and now there exists only two people in the world who know who the hell Kane is (possibly only one person now)!

What I’m trying to say is, in short, thanks @plushii-gutz . There’s a few factors to me being able to write TBoCI again, but you’re definitely the biggest part of that. Our encounter was a blessing.

And to everyone, please look forward to a much smoother ride. This is a fun one.