#this is a joke but i also really truly hate my self every time i buy something from them

[danandfuckingjonlmao]

[microsofttothemax]

the resentment leo would have with splinter post-krang. i genuinely think they would take a bit for them to recover and be comfortable around each other

why do i think that? here’s some reasons. this is gonna be a HELLA long analysis so be prepared. sit down, grab some popcorn, and let’s dive in

in the movie, after raph was taken, leo goes on a whole rant about how he got the key, he gets the answers, and he will get raph back. yes this is irrational and brash, but not in leo’s eyes. in his eyes, this is a foolproof plan that will work

splinter attempts to intervene, and tell him like it is. “it’s not your plan, you need to work with your team.” however, it comes out as a sharp sting to leo’s previous attitude

“My son, listen to your team. This is not about you.”

it’s meant to be sensible and wise, but to leo, it’s a jab at him. it’s a stab at his cockiness and self-centered attitude, and it reminds leo of why they’re even in this position in the first place. which he hates

most of all, it’s splinter saying it. it’s his father telling him that it’s not about him. because to leo, he’s always been last place to splinter’s affection, and it’s like splinter’s confirming it here

don’t believe me? here:

splinter talks to leo, and it seems that for a minute, he listens to his father’s words. that maybe he should really stop and listen. maybe he should stop and think of a plan, listen to his brothers’ input.

but the second splinter says it’s not about him? leo shuts down. he pulls away from splinter, and refuses to listen to him. and while splinter may be right, it was something leo never wanted to hear

it’s obvious that he has a somewhat testy relationship with his father, and splinter is trying to make up for it by giving leadership advice. but to leo? this is the guy who made him leader to seemingly mess with him, never bothered to give him attention or praise on his accomplishments, and never truly knew leo beyond his “acting as the best to save face” charade

which brings me to another reason. no, i do not think splinter was ever abusive or purposely neglectful to leo, or any of the boys for that matter. but its clear theres a bit of a rift between him and leo. i think that he kind of resents leo a bit (without meaning to) because he sees himself in him. he sees the irrational movie star who never thought ahead, and made too many mistakes to count

an example would be when leo got punched by lou jitsu two times. none of his brothers got punched, why just him? and sure it could be a running gag, but i find it also to be intentional

maybe deep down, splinter still resents leo for being so much like his irrational, unreasonable younger self. that every time he sees leo, he sees his stupid past self, and without meaning to, he at times hates leo because of it. and if he doesn’t hate him, he seems to resent him to some extent

splinter also has plainly stated that donnie was the funniest one to him, (s1ep 1, mystic mayhem) and outright laughed when leo asked if he was the favorite son (rottmnt wake-up alarms on youtube, timestamp 1:59) leo also staight-up said that he was splinter’s least favorite (s1ep 4b, down with the sickness)

so yeah, i can see the resentment leo may have for his father deep down. it could be pretty apparent post-krang, hidden behind his jokes and teases

now don’t get me wrong, they have their moments of bonding, and i do love to read little drabbles and fics where they hug and heal. however… realistically speaking, it would take a while for them to get to that stage of father-son bonding post-krang. with splinter naming him leader out of the blue, to the missing lou jitsu posters on the walls of leo’s room in the movie — and we’re definitely talking about that in a later post, trust — i would bet their relationship as father-son pre and post-movie would be extremely rocky.

another reasoning for this could be that splinter often underestimates and undermines leo’s abilities and accomplishments. far as i’ve seen, the most reaction splinter’s given to leo’s accomplishments is an eyebrow raise

for example, when outsmarting big mama, leo was genuinely proud of spending time w his dad and showing him his abilities. he genuinely thought they were working together. however, splinter didn’t say he was proud or anything, just complained he wished he’d brought donnie (s2ep 2, many unhappy returns)

“I knew I should have brought Purple.”

ouch. that mustve hurt a bit

and yes, i will admit, leo was being a bit of a little shit in this scene, and yes, he could’ve told splinter of the plan before starting to yap and blab to big mama about the plan he cooked up. however, the response splinter gives is not much better. essentially, he’s saying, “i don’t like this kid or his plan, so therefore i think i should’ve brought one of my favored children to solve the problem better.”

and before you go and tell me donnie could’ve outsmarted big mama the way leo did, think for a moment. leo fully admitted to manipulating and lying in an episode before

“I don’t lie, I just… change the truth.”

whereas donnie cannot tell a lie to save his life. i love him, but the guy is a shit liar. he has failed multiple times at it

“We are just typical normal humans.. who got lost in the middle of our normal… everyday human lives— nailed it.”

“Uh… nothing. Just having a typical, normal, mystic-free day.” “What? I said mystic-free.”

“Why aren’t you guys more upset?”

“Oh. This… hurts me. Uh… I’m very sad…?”

raph & mikey aren’t much better. mikey straight-up started sweating when he had to lie to splinter about piebald, and raph has so many different stinks/scents to him that it’d be easy for others to tell he was lying

also, mikey has doctor delicate touch. who does not know what lying or “don’t be blunt” means

and donnie’s really only being extremely straightforward with what he thinks or about what’s going on around him. so it makes no sense as to why splinter would want to bring donnie along to outsmart big mama, unless he genuinely doesn’t enjoy leo’s presence, which seems to be the case

now all of this is evidence to point towards a very unsteady father-son relationship with these two. yes, splinter seems to be a very lenient father, and i genuinely think he wants to be a good dad. however, oftentimes that leads to miscommunication and misread moments, empty promises, and overall neglecting behavior on his part, all without meaning to

so while he does try harder to be there for his sons later in the show, it’s pretty obvious that one brother — who thrived off any attention possible — probably stopped caring about that validation after all that he went through. splinter gives, but leo doesn’t take. he doesn’t bother to, because he thinks it’s either a prank of some kind, or because he just genuinely doesn’t care for his father’s input anymore.

(this was based on that one post about splinter & leo by @midwesternvibes, i just figure i revisit that bc i’m thinkin about it again)

[amelee23]

My hero | Bang Chan

Pairing: Bang Chan x female reader

Genre: Married fluff, (a tiny bit of angst)

Word count: 2.400

Requested: yes

Warnings: mention of a stomach bug (very briefly) insecurities (both), self-depricating jokes (both), some marriage difficulties, caring for a child, they're EXTREMELY in love, tooth-rotting fluff

Both you and Chan loved to have your crazy fun, but to a certain limit. A limit you both understood so well, as if it was truly a shared items between your minds. Therefore, after your long awaited wedding ceremony, where tears were shed, dances were danced, cake ended up on the floor and someone's shirt, the bouquet throwing almost knocked someone out, and fortunately no relative started a fight - you both drove peacefully, home. No long flights to Honolulu, no rushing for any 5 star hotel reservation. Just a long, deep sleep.

You awake and instantly chuckle. You barely remember that you basically threw your wedding dress on top of the bedroom door last night instead of finding a hanger. Slept with the door open and all, but you were so exhausted you don't remember even washing your teeth. You turn around gingerly and find your newlywed husband, Chris, to be slightly salivating on the pillow. Nose half shoved inside the fluff, hair every which way and his cute ears poking through, his silver earrings still on. He was a sight to behold, and this sight was truly now yours.

You brush a few strands of hair away from his eyes, and as you accidently touch his ear he shudders. You procrastinate for a good five minutes, in which you gently pet his hair, and then lean to kiss him on the forehead before you get out of bed.

"No, don't leave." He calls out to you, his voice raspy and his accent thick. You give into the temptation and lay back down next to him.

"Good morning, my husband." You say, and it's so cheesy it makes you giggle.

"Good morning, my wife." He says with a toothy grin. You just married him, and you have a lifetime ahead of you to admire him and love him, and yet you're impatiently urging to jump on him and smother him in kisses for how adorable he looks. Cuteness agression and all.

You decide you won't be eating Chris alive one kiss at the time, and instead you lay your head on his outstretched arm and allow him to wrap the other one around your back, bringing you one breath away from his chocolate eyes admiring you sleepily.

"So, what will be our first important decision taken as husband and wife?" Chris asks you, and you furrow your brows. Does he mean something like deciding to paint the room green or getting a cactus?

"Deciding what to eat for breakfast?" He chuckles at your answer.

"The most important meal of the day! Yeah I think that's a very big decision to make. And as your husband, to showcase my deep trust in you, I allow you to have complete power over this first decision." He speaks so eloquently, you slap him on the arm and he begins to giggle.

"You're just too lazy to help me think!"

"What? Me? Neveeeerr."

"And I'm guessing you also want me to go get said breakfast if you're letting me decide what we eat." Chris pretends to gasp.

"How did you know? See, we're perfect for each other! You can read my mind." He makes that usual tutting noise as he winks at you and you go from adoring him to wanting to shove a pillow in his face. But most marriages are like this, you imagine.

"Fine, I'll do it. Under one condition."

"Anything my wife desires."

"You have to answer why you chose me. Like, as your wife. Why me and not anyone else?"

"Why not?" Chris answers with a laugh and you're reaching for the pillow and he doesn't even try to dodge.

"No but really, why did you?" You try your hardest to not show that this is a real question for you. Not just a joke to put your husband in a tough spot for fun, but an actual curiosity that makes you insecure. And Chan hates it when you're insecure.

"I chose you as my wife." You squint at him in a feeble attempt to understand his words.

"Yeah .... you did, since we just got.... married... But why me?" Chan laughs and flails his arms, probably realizing his words didn't come out very coherently.

"No, I chose you as my wife the entire time. It just took me a very long time to realize it.

When I needed an opinion on a song, for some reason I chose you instead of, y'know, the people who produce music with me. When Seungmin caught that stomach bug and I needed to get him to the hospital, I chose to call you to come with us. When I needed to have a serious conversation with someone, I'd call you up even if I'd be surrounded by 15 close friends in physical range of me. I used to choose you even if it was irrational, even if I was a burden to you-"

"You were never a burden to me, Chris."

"I hope I wasn't." He laughs awkwardly, almost as if embarrassed. "But anyways... Yeah. In the beginning I thought I was just being silly, but then I started to notice what I was doing. When my parents asked me if I've met anyone new, I chose you to talk about. Literally yapped for hours - you should have seen their faces! They knew I was in love way before I did. And when I was tasked with writing a love song...I chose you to write about. And then the next morning I chose to start sending you good morning messages every day. Then when I pictured Valentine's day... There was no other option other than spending it with you. So I chose to ask you out before Valentine's so when the holiday comes I could spoil you. And then I just... Continued to choose you. Over and over again." He finishes with a smile, in contrast to you who started crying many sentences ago. You thought you were done crying after yesterday's ceremony, but Chris is a man full of surprises.

"You even chose me over your career a few times..." You say as more tears escape you, a feeling of guilt washing over you. Although the fact that he sacrificed the thing he cares the most about in this world for your sake should prove his dedication, it also still makes you feel guilty to think about.

"And I'd do it again." He leans closer, wiping the tears off of your face, then taking your hand in his to lay tiny kisses on it. "So you see how I just... Chose you? From the get go? It's like I knew I could rely on you, trust you, love you eternally. From the day we met. So it's not... Anything you said or something specific. I just chose you. All of you. To be mine. All mine." He pulls you into a tight embrace and you feel the way your body wraps around his by instinct. Like you were molded to blend together. "You're mine." He kisses the side of your forehead and butterflies wreck your tummy. "My wife."

"But you could have chosen anyone else..." You still mutter unsurely, but Chris shushes you and pats your head.

"But I didn't. And I won't." He reassures you, rocking you left and right in a calming motion. He truly wishes he would be better at showing you and telling you just how much he loves you, how much he wants you in his life. He could never blame you for having insecurities about yourself, but at the same time he feels although he's failing as a lover if he lets those those thoughts invade your mind. He truly wishes his love could seep into your bones.

"So you don't just want me for my spicy chicken recipe?" You try to joke, to ease the atmosphere, bringing Chan out of his thoughts.

"I mean ... The spicy chicken is included in the package, right?" He continued the joke, but underneath that pearly smile he gave you, Chan was set on making you the happiest wife on earth. Whatever it took.

Even if that meant some arguments, some bumps down the road, and making you uncomfortable with affection and attention until you allowed him to love you well. That was a part of marriage no one warned you about, something you had to figure out along the way - that sometimes you have to make each other uncomfortable in order to grow. Sometimes you have to push some limits to become happier.

And so many years into the future, after the birth of you first son, you pushed a limit that wouldn't even seem humanly possible to Chris. You somehow convinced him to go on tour and leave you alone to care for your son. He was two seconds away from quitting his job and becoming a convenience store worker upon hearing just how many months he'd have to away from you and your four year old son, who needed very much to be around his dad at that age. But you convinced him, reassured him everything was going to be okay in his absence.

"Dada's out there spreading happiness into the world." You whispered to your son, who was sleeping in the same bed as you ever since Chris left on tour.

"Like a superhero?"

"Exactly like a superhero, baby. To every single city he goes, he makes people so happy he saves their lives."

"Dada's so cool." Instead of being able to calm him down to get him to sleep, it seems your son gained energy from the conversation instead. He was now flailing his tiny limbs around.

"Do you wanna watch Dada perform?" There is a video of Chris you have saved up on your phone, from a solo stage he had during a concert where he sang a lullaby. It was the most children friendly performance you had, plus it matched the melodicity of the songs Chris used to sing to you at night to soothe your pregnancy pains.

Your son always falls asleep listening to his father's voice, almost through magic.

When his breathing evened out, you thought it was finally time you kick back and relax with an episode of your favorite show while enjoying some not-so-recommended late night chocolate. As you headed into the hallway, you spotted Chan leaning on the wall and had to glue a hand over your mouth to not scream and wake up your son.

"Chris, you scared the shi- .... heck outta me! What are you doing here?"

"We have a few days off in between stops and I couldn't just sit in a hotel for three days while I was dying to see you two."

"So you're telling me you spent 10 hours on flight, to stay here for one day and then fly back to god knows where?"

"Exactly." He says, face full of dimples and his eyes sparkle in the dark shadows of the hallway.

"You're insane." You laugh quitely.

"No, I'm... a superhero...? That saves lives...? You gotta let me know what you've been telling him, or else he might be disappointed in me when he finds out I can't fly."

"You don't need to fly to be a superhero."

"Oh yeah? Then care to tell me what makes me a superhero?" He flirts with you, gently pushing your hips into the wall behind you as he leans over you. You keep an eye on the door to make sure your son doesn't wake up and walk in to see how big of a flirt his father is. He'll have decades to cringe over it later.

"Remember when I used to feel bad for all the nice things you used to do for me? All the help and the gifts?"

"Mhm." The limits Chris used to push and how they bothered you - they resulted in a lot of friction early on in the marriage.

"And you told me that I need to allow you to make me happy. And since then... I chose to. Just how you chose me to be your wife... I chose to let you make me happy. I chose to allow you to be my hero. It's tricky, because heroes need sleep too ..." You softly caress his cheeks, and even under the dim atmosphere of the hallway you can see the dark bags under his eyes. "and they can't always save the day... but I swear to God you make the world a better place. You make my world a better place. You're my hero."

Chris leans in to kiss you in the same way he did when you were young and unmarried. It's a kiss that burns you, a kiss that makes you feel like a woman. A kiss that made you want to be married. A kiss that teaches you to breathe underwater.

"You call me a superhero when you're literally managing a house, a job, a kid, a long distance relationship, a social life and yourself all at once. And somehow nothing is on fire and you're not losing you mind even when your good for nothing husband doesn't call or text for days."

"Don't talk about yourself like that!" You slap him on the chest, but unfortunately he's not in a joking mood.

"You're the superhero between the two of us, honey. If there's one thing I've learnt along the years it's... That the reason why I chose you as my wife.. the one you were asking me about all those years ago? Maybe there was actually a reason. That you were always stronger than me."

"Me? You're joking, right?"

"Not at all. You're the hero, I'm just trying to be the wind behind your wings. I'm sorry for missing your calls and not video-calling more often, and just.. being gone in general. I've missed you." You decided to drop the subject since Chris seemed too emotional to be coherent. You weren't mad at him for anything, and he surely was undermining himself by calling you the strong one.

Unfortunately, it's not like you would accept the title of hero and he wouldn't accept it either.

The one thing you didn't realize is that you were both superheroes. But it's okay, since your son was onto you a long time ago. He'll protect your secret, and hopefully, also grow into a superhero himself.

©amelee23 do not copy, translate or repost

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Soft hours open! Send me your fluff fantasies so we can go delulu together!

[lucedilunax]

Why are you doing this to yourself? - Q. Hughes

pairing: Quinn Hughes x girlfriend!reader

summary: Quinn's girlfriend relapsed to her old habits after his comment

warning: mentions of cheating, mentions of eating disorder, mentions of throwing up, mentions of sex (nothing graphic), swearing, angst, hurt/comfort

words: 2.4k

note: my first ever published fic!! I used a name instead of Y/N because i don't feel comfortable writing without names so sorry for that. Also, english is not my first language so apologies if there's gonna be any mistakes. I'm proud of this piece and I hope you'll enjoy reading🤍

if you are struggling with eating disorder, please talk to somebody, your family, friends or even to me, you are not alone in this!❤️‍🩹

masterlist

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Zara never had been in a healthy relationship. Since high school times, all her boyfriends were abusive towards her. As a teenager, she got into  love-hate relationship with food. Always blaming herself and her look for not being good enough to have a partner. When she had been multiple times cheated on, she truly believed that’s because she’s fat and unattractive. The truth was that she was looking normal, like every teenage girl but her low self confidence let her believe that she’s the problem. Zara was skipping meals and when she ate something, she felt guilty and was forcing herself to throw up. When she graduated high school, she came back on right tracks. Yes, she still was struggling and had episodes of skipping meals but it got way better than it was back then.

When Zara met Quinn, she was impressed by how well spoken he is and very respectful towards her. She truly started to believe that she deserves to be loved. He was always giving her compliments and her confidence was growing. She never told him about how shitty exes she had and her problems with eating. She didn’t wanted a pity party from him. She truly believed that she’s a new person thanks to him. After a year of dating, Quinn had been named a new captain of the Vancouver Canucks. Zara was more than happy for him because she knew how hardworking person he is. Although she didn’t expected him to ask her to move into his apartment.

“Honey, I was just thinking that maybe you would like to move in to me? You already spent most of the time here and your work is closer from my place than yours. Plus with me having a new role in club, our schedules might go crazy and I want to spent every free minute with you”. Quinn casually said when they were laying on the couch watching a movie.

“It’s a huge step in our relationship Quinny… but I’m ready for it. I would love to move into your place”. Zara said and kissed his cheek.

Next week, the couple was packing Zara’s things from her place to later put them in Quinn’s apartment. Most of the things were already in his place but they still had to pick up the rest. They life living together was like a honeymoon until Quinn got into fixation about healthy food. He was always cooking for both of them and tried to keep balanced diet. Zara started having flashbacks to her life from high school, when she was trying to keep being super healthy but she said nothing to Quinn. One day, she haven’t ate breakfast because she was running late and later, completely forgot about lunch. On her way back to their apartment, she decided to buy pizza for dinner because she wasn’t in a mood for cooking. Zara ate the whole thing on one sitting finishing projects for work. When Quinn came home after the game, he saw the box. He thought she left him some of the pizza but it was just an empty box.

“Wow, you must been really hungry that you ate whole pizza and haven’t even left ma piece”. He joked, hoverer her face fell down when she realized that she ate an entire pizza this afternoon.

“Yeah, I haven’t got time in the morning to eat breakfast and later forgot to go and grab a lunch.” Zara admitted to him ashamed.

“Honey, we talk about it. You have to eat healthy”. Although Quinn meant eating three meals per day but she interpreted this otherwise.

“I know, I’m sorry”. She went to hug him and started asking him about today’s game just to change the topic.

He haven’t missed the way her face fell when he joked but decided not to mention this. Next days were hard for Zara. She had all time in her head Quinn’s words. Every evening when she was getting ready to take shower, she was looking on her body in mirror’s reflection. She started to see how her thighs got bigger and how her stomach wasn’t perfectly flat. She started to wear baggy clothes to cover her body from the world. She was also pushing Quinn away when he wanted to have sex with her. He saw those changes but he thought that she’s just overworked and tired. He haven’t asked anything but tried to be supportive as much as he could.

When Quinn had to left her for a roadie, Zara completely lost it. No one was there to make sure she’s eating proper meals. She started skipping breakfast. On lunch, she was only eating salads. When she was at home, she haven't cooked dinner. She thought that’s the best for her to started looking more attractive for Quinn.

After a week, Quinn came back home and decided to buy them takeout food from their favorite Italian place. He knew, she probably haven’t ate dinner and was waiting for him to eat together. When Quinn stepped into their place, he met unfamiliar cold. Zara wasn’t there to kiss and hug him like she was always doing when he was back from roadie. He saw her sitting in living room and watching a movie.

“Hi honey. I hope you are hungry because I bought us carbonara from the Italian place you love”. He said and kissed her forehead.

“Actually, I’m not hungry babe but feel free to eat yours. I’ll just eat it tomorrow”. She said.

“Okay. Have you ate dinner already?” He asked concerned.

“Well no, but…”

“Then take your pretty ass to the table because you have to eat”. Quinn said surprised at her words.

“I’m really not hungry Quinn”. She started getting irritated at him.

“I’m not playing with you Zara. You either gonna eat with me or I’m gonna force you to do it”. He said firmly.

Knowing that she’s in a lost position, she gave up and went to sit with him at the dinner table. She ate half of her portion and excused herself to the bathroom. In that moment, she was delighted that the bathroom is far from the living room and Quinn couldn’t hear her. Feeling the guilt of eating pasta, she forced herself to throw up. After she was done, she brushed her teeth and came back.

“I can’t eat anymore Quinny. I’ll pack the pasta and bring it to work with me for lunch". She said, knowing that she’s gonna throw the pasta to the trash the minute she leave the apartment for work tomorrow.

“Yeah, sure. What about bath together and just laying in our bed. I’m so tired”. He proposed.

“Sounds like a plan babe.” She went and kissed him.

Two days later, when Quinn and Zara were making out, he started to pull up her hoodie. She stopped him. Quinn finally decided to confront her. He was done with her not wanting to be intimate with him. He also saw that she wasn’t eating breakfast at home, always excusing herself with running late.

“What’s happening with you lately?” He asked in the nicest way he could.

“I don’t know about what you are talking about”.

“Cut the bullshit. I know you are skipping breakfast. I am not dumb not to see you always acting, like you are late and not eating breakfast when we both know it’s a lie. Also, I don’t know what I did wrong to you, but you always push me away when I try to have sex with you. So tell me, what’s happening”. He started getting mad at her with every minute.

“Quinn, I’m telling you, nothing is happening”. She was too ashamed to admit to him her problems and decided to lie.

“Fucking hell Zara. I know you for almost two years. We live together. I know you like the back of my hand. I know that something is wrong with you. You know that I’m here for you to listen and help”. He tried so hard not to yell at her.

“I’m not gonna stand here and listen to you accusations. Everything is fine!” She screamed the last sentence and left, feeling guilt for not telling him truth.

After the argument, both of them were giving each other cold shoulder. She stopped eating at all, even the salads for lunch. He wanted so hard to find out what’s going on with her but after her reaction, he decided not to push her and wait until she tell him.

Couple days later, he accidently walked into the bathroom when she was taking shower. When he saw her, Quinn thought he’s gonna cry. Her ribs was visible through her skin. She looked so skinny that it started to terrify him. He left and went to their bedroom thinking how he should ask her about it without getting into another argument.

“Hey, can we talk?” He asked unsure of her reaction.

“Sure, What’s up?”

“I saw you in the shower”.

“Oh”. That’s all she could say.

“Look, I know something is happening with you and I don’t want to push you but your body looks unhealthy. Why are you doing this to yourself?” He said not knowing where the conversation will take him. She sat quietly for couple minutes before she spoke to him.

“Can you promise me that you won’t get mad at me when I tell you?” She haven’t been looking at him, she kept her eyes on her hands.

“I promise honey”. He saw that she was playing with her nails and decided to replace it with his hand.

“I have a weird relationship with food. I’ve been struggling with it since high school. Every guy I’ve dated cheated one me and I thought it’s my fault. I started eating super healthy but when I saw it’s not getting me anywhere, I decided to skip meals. When I ate something, I felt guilty about it and forced myself to throw up. After graduation, it got better. Sure, I had episodes of skipping meals when I was triggered but it was getting better”. She said with her tears rolling down her face.

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry to hear that”. He hugged her tightly and started to smoothing her hair. After couple of minutes, he decided to ask.

“What was your trigger this time?”

“I don’t think you want to know”. Zara didn’t wanted to make him feel guilty.

“I want to know”. He said softly.

“Remember when you get back home the other day and saw the empty box of pizza?” He nodded.

“This was my trigger. When you pointed out that I ate the whole pizza and said that I have to eat healthy. I felt that you’ll find me unattractive and will cheat on me like others”. She said completely ignoring his presence. He signed, mad at himself for even saying that.

“Zara, I’m so fucking sorry for making you feel this way. It was never my intention. I was just joking but I see now how hurtful it was for you. Please forgive me”. He said with voice full of guilt.

“It’s okay Quinny, you didn’t know”.

“It’s not okay. God, I made you feel bad and I’ll never forgive myself for that”. After couple seconds, Quinn asked again.

“When I brought the pasta after I got back home from roadie and forced you to eat with me, did you… Did you throw up when you excused yourself to the bathroom?” He asked not sure if he’s ready to hear the answer. When Zara haven’t said anything, he knew how big damage he had done.

He hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead. She was crying into his shoulder when he was whispering apologies into her ear.

The next morning, Quinn made breakfast for both of them. When she saw the plate, he was fast to explain.

“I know you struggle now but I want you to eat something. I’m not gonna be forcing the full meal into you and you don’t have to eat all of it. At least try. Step by step”. She felt the love and respect in his voice and decided to bite a little bit of the toast. Before she left, he gave her paper bag.

“I’ve made you lunch. Again, I’m not forcing you but at least eat the granola bar. I love you.” He kissed her cheek.

“Thank you Quinny. Love you too.” She said and gave him a kiss.

Quinn started reading books about eating disorder and was learning everything to know how to help her and not make her feel even worst. He wanted to be the best boyfriend to her knowing that he’s responsible for her relapse into old habits. When he had time, he was preparing her favorite dishes. He made one cupboard in the kitchen with her favorite snacks. Never pushed her to eat full meals but wanted her to eat something.

When Quinn had to leave her for roadie for the first time since she told him about her relationship with food, he was scared. He didn’t wanted her to skip meals while he’s gone but he also knew that he can’t ask her directly if she ate. He decided to face time her every time he knew she was supposed to eat breakfast, lunch or dinner just to check up on her and see if she’s eating at that time.

Two weeks later, Quinn came back home and could smell a steak. He was surprised because he haven’t saw Zara in the kitchen for the past two months. The minute he entered the room she said.

“I thought you might be hungry. I’ve cooked you steak with fries”. She said and went to hug him.

“What about you honey?”

“I already ate dinner”.

“Zara”. He said knowing that she’s lying.

“I’m joking. I’ve made myself pasta with pesto”.

“Good that you have jokes on you but please, let’s not joke about it”. He said firmly.

“I’m sorry Quinny”. After seeing his reaction, she felt bad for even joking about this.

“Hey! Don’t be puffy, it’s fine. I just want to be sure you’re fed and healthy”.

“Ay, ay captain. Now let’s eat before it gets cold”. She grabbed his hand and went to the table with him. After they ate dinner, he said.

“It was delicious honey. I’m so happy you’re back on right tracks. I’m proud of you and I mean it”.

“I don’t know if I would make it without your support. Thank you for everything. I love you”. She went to kiss him but he deepened the kiss.

“Quinn I have to do the dishes, can it wait?” She asked.

“Oh hell no. I haven’t had my time with you for two months and I want to show you how much I love you and how much I adore your body. I want to make sure my girl knows that she’s gorgeous”

He lifted her up and carried her to the bedroom where they had fun all night long.

---

Thank you so much for reading! This means a world for me❤️

[i-cant-sing]

Whispers in your ear like a devil on your shoulder: you should make the Miguel O'Hara scenarios. Think of the hot dad energy he would emanate :))))))

Jokes aside, it is truly up to you what to write and I would always read it, but I am begging on my hands and knees for you to tell us the platonic yandere Miguel O'Hara scenarios you have thought of.

Nooo stooopppp girll- *puts on Miguel's theme music in the background* ahh shit here we go.

Platonic Yandere Miguel O'Hara as a dad:

Okay, so im just gonna word vomit here and yall make sense of it, but like the first thing that comes to mind when I think about yandere dad Miguel is that him kidnapping daughter reader from a universe where he doesn't exist, so he's technically not breaking canon or whatever and really, it doesnt even matter if you're his bio kid or not, like u could be a literal random civilian but if he is drawn to u, then he is. And while some of yall say "oh come on, Miguel cant be like that. He doesn't make careless/thoughtless decisions like that" I'm sorry, but is this not the same person who had the nerve to step in as his dead self from an AU and sleep with his parallel universe's wife and father someone else's kid??? Granted, they did end up dying but really, the only difference between that decision and this decision to kidnap u is to make sure that u don't end up dyingggg.

Moving on, he kidnaps u, makes up some bs about your life being in danger and blah blah blah, you HAVE to stay by his side, okay??? And at first, reader is like "umm okay?" because who tf wouldnt agree with SPIDERMAN??? (especially one who looks like Miguel? he is already giving dad vibes)

And the thing with Miguel is that he super protective (because PTSD) and he's possessive too, so the only person you're allowed to hang out with is Mayday (she is the cutest, i would die to have a kid like her ngl) because he doesnt see her as a threat (someone who could take u away from him). ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT with Miles (because he hates that kid, pain in his ass/bane of his existence) and pretty much all other spiderpersons as well because all of them are sarcastic and he does not need them rubbing off on u. The only other person he would trust u with is Peter B, probably when Miguel needs a babysitter (because u learned to mess with his tech-typy-locks and traps, so u need an actual person to keep eyes on u. curse the universe for u being smart like ur papa), and the biggest reason he does trust peter with u is because since peter is a father himself, he would definitely know that while miguel's methods are wrong, in his own way, he is protecting u, and peter b knows that he would do absolutely anything to keep his daughter safe too. Also- since peter has mayday, if he were to actually take u away from Miguel, then Miguel would 10000% kidnap mayday and use her against peter too until he inevitably has to return u to him.

Now Miguel is emotionally crippled due to his trauma, so he's not great at expressing his feelings, at least not when you're awake. When you're asleep, maybe his eyes turn a little softer, maybe he cups your cheek, some guilt and sadness swirling in his eyes when he sees your tear stained cheek (because u missed ur family. or maybe u got told off by Miguel in front of everyone), presses a soft kiss to your forehead and mumbles something in spanish ("you will understand in due time, mi hija.") Definitely has cameras in your room, so he looks at you through the screen and sighs when u flop on the bed and stuff your head in the pillow and start crying, heart slightly heavy with guilt.

Except from interacting with others and leaving the spider society/his apartment (idk where he lives), every need of yours is pretty much taken care of IF you follow his rules. If you behave, u get everything. If u yell at him, try to break out of his place etc, privileges are revoked and BAM, you are now confined to your room with no access to entertainment or any of your hobbies he allowed u to have. Those novels u liked to read? Too bad, they get thrown in the fireplace. Gaming console? Broken in his hands. Liked to cook/bake? No access to kitchen because u are now locked in your room.

Miguel has one important rule- you MUST obey him, under all circumstances, no questions asked. If he tells you to go to your room, honey go before his eyes turn sharp and he has to manhandle you. If he tells you to eat dinner with him, you need to eat food even if you are full. And if he's forbidden you from going to the locked room in his place that's full of info on you and your old fam, then its best for everyone for u to obey.

Now, while Miguel does have trouble expressing emotions (i mean, the most affection he's shown is head pats and if u are really really sad, then yes, smooches on the forehead.) but he has no trouble expressing anger and rage. If u mess up real bad, in the sense where u disobey him and end up hurting yourself (no matter to what degree), GIRL HE IS SCREAMING HIS HEAD OFF AT YOU (like the scene from the movie where he's yelling at miles). I mean, he's so mad, he legit picks you up and hauls you to your room, where he's yelling at u even more, using the terms "child" "kid" and patronising tone because you may think you're a grown up (u might even be) but he will ALWAYS view u as a kid- THE KID he lost, the child he promised to protect and somehow get redemption, or at the very least, fill the empty hole in his heart.

And since nobody thought to inform me that my man Miguel is a literal VAMPIRE and that his fangs are not just for show to attract all kinds of viewrs, we gonna talk about that as well. Does he use them on reader when she finds out that Miguel actually fucking murdered her real fam (maybe not directly kill them, because he is a hero after all. Maybe in the sense that he knew they were gonna die, you would too unless he took u away, he just didnt bother calculating the repercussions if he did indeed save your family.) and reader is now hyperventilating and trying to claw her way out of his arms but muscled arms only pull u tighter against his chest and he just bites ur neck to let the venom paralyse you long enough for him to not only offer an explanation for his actions, but also put a tracker in you and chain u to your bed.

Does Miguel's heart absolutely shatter at your body wracking sobs and distressed state as you realise you have lost your family? Yes. Does he apologise? Never. Does he like seeing you in pain? NO. Will he cause you even more pain? ...yes, if circumstances change.

Hurting you is the last the thing he's do, but its still something he would do. He wont enjoy it, but if u messed up real bad (escaped and endangered yourself) then Miguel, with a very heavy heart will snap your ankles and limit your ability to walk for months (if not for life). This is one of his harshest punishments, and punishments are immeadiately followed with comfort, so Miguel does put your fractured bones in a cast and wipes the tears from his eyes, shushing you gently as he softly explains why he did what he did, how you dont need to worry about anything because since you took your punishment so well, Miguel will help you (he will carry you around everywhere), and maybe if you're in too much pain, he may give you some drugs(or even his venom) to put you to sleep right away.

He has lost too much, too many times. His wounds are deep and still fresh, he is not taking any chances... especially not with you.

okay thats all i have for now(its a lie, i just need to pee) but feel free to send in ur asks/thoughts/scenarios.

[a-world-with0ut-dr34ms]

Ghost x Wife!Reader

Ghost watches you put your makeup on in the morning.

SFW, Extreme Fluff, Light Angst, Light Hurt/Comfort, Intimacy, Softness, Makeup, Pre-Established Relationship, Slight Self-Indulgent, Ghost and Reader are In Love, Drabble

WC: 1k~

Another drabble, just because I'm writing fluff for a different WIP and I'm trying to work out some kinks. Also, I think Ghost needs some more peaceful content every now and again from me, I be making him unhappy as hell in my other stuff.

Masterlist

"You're staring again."

Simon blinks, that familiar silk-soaked voice of yours pulling him back into the morning. He sits up from where he'd still been lying in bed, the covers sprawled across him as though he'd just woken up from a battle deep within his sleep. It's had him moving rather sluggishly since waking, though that had been no complaint by any means.

It only meant he had an excuse to spend some more time with you before work; and right now, you'd been doing a hobby of yours he's come to really enjoy watching.

You stand firmly in front of the dresser on your side of the bed, irises glued to your mirror, and a deadly grip on your liquid black eyeliner. Your eyes had been the last part of your look needing to be completed, and you'd be dammed if you fucked it up now.

You bring the pen to the corner of your eye, with the kind of precision Simon has only seen outdone by the steadiest hands belonging only to his well-trained comrades. And even then you gave them a run for their money.

With the spiritual guidance of a painter, you gently line the ink to your skin, curving it back and forth from below your brow to back towards your eyelid, until you've outlined a sharp winged look at the corners of your eyes, filling them in.

They look perfect once complete. Though, when you stare at yourself in the mirror a few seconds too long, you frown, dissatisfied.

You lift your hand up and start using your pinkie nail to scrap the parts of eyeliner you'd begun to hate. Your attention remains here primarily, though you've never had issues multitasking.

"Still staring, Si'," you comment, having felt his gaze on you since you first put your foundation on. It's hard not to notice his eyes on you, given the weight that often came with them. A weight you'd happily hold.

"Wha', I can't enjoy the view?" He jokes, no doubt feeling just a bit more awake when he sees it's made you smile.

You look down at Simon, finally setting all your makeup back down on the dresser, wide-eyed with genuine concern, "Do I look OK?"

A small, crooked smile forms on his tattered lips as he chuckles to himself. Yes, you already knew what he was going to say, or what he wanted to say: you don't need the makeup. You could have your face completely done up or covered in mud, he would still love you. He would always love you.

Though he knew now, that's not the answer you were looking for. It took a while for him to understand that; he'd yet to understand the craftsmanship that truly came with applying makeup. However, seeing how happy you looked at the end of every makeup session all but spelled out the answer you'd really been looking for.

It wasn't about looking pretty or hiding, or even due to some superficial beliefs about womanhood or whatnot. You just really liked to do your makeup. And Simon just really loves to see you happy.

If this was something that made you smile, then it would always be a welcome thing to have around.

Simon sits up on the bed, letting his sturdy legs swing over the edge and his feet touch the soft carpet below. He reaches out and takes your hand, pulling you in so he could take a closer look at your work, the man still trying to rub the sleep from his eyes.

Once comfortably boxed in by both his legs and arms, you let out a happy sigh, your gaze at eye level with him even as he still sat. Up close, with the dawn's light gently painting over his scarred skin, drawn by years of old stories he's only scarcely shared word of, he looked rather shy.

Every so often, when you traced over his skin while lying in bed, he'd oblige you with a story -- some heart-wrenching tale that only made you feel that much more endeared by him.

Sometimes he joked about wanting to wear makeup himself and cover all these ghastly sights on him. That way he didn't feel so vulnerable when your eyes would see them in all its miserable glory.

But you do what you have done since seeing them. You bring your touch to his skin, letting your fingers trace his scars' outlines and grooves, mending past traumas with your present-day love.

You look at Simon patiently, resting your hands against his broad shoulders. "Did the eyeliner fuck up the whole look?" You ask.

Simon's dark eyes bounce about your face, taking in the blush, the lipstick, the glitter and highlight, your brows, and then your eyes... His gaze sits still there, and any longer and you just might have started to feel yourself lean in.

"Hold on," his voice booms out suddenly, before he's brought his thumb to the corner of your cheek. A small bit of your mascara had dotted you, though he made sure to be as careful as possible with removing it for you. He hadn't wanted to mess up your hard work. "There you go."

He lowers his hand, taking another look at you. His expression softens, a smile forming. "Beautiful."

You smile, and it's everything and more he needed to start his day off with. Simon takes your hands, before pulling you even closer, until he's felt your lips take his sweetly.

It had been his favorite thing to start his mornings out like this, with just being able to hold you close to him, the sensation feeling as necessary as oxygen itself most days. When he'd kiss you, he only made up for that need by stealing your own breath away, his lips wrapped with yours like a sincere promise.

You cup your hands over his face, kissing him as you've felt his strong arms begin to wrap around you, pulling you into a tight embrace. It squeezes the air from you and makes you laugh in his arms, as you pull back from your kiss.

That's when your eyes go wide and you start to giggle. "Oops."

Your lipstick was now completely smeared over the man's mouth, rubbing off on his chin as though you'd just given him a newly colored five-o'clock shadow.

Immediately, Simon knows what's been done, as you're a repeat offender of this. He gives you a quizzical look and smirks. "How do I look?" He asks.

You lean back in, letting your lips feather over his.

"Beautiful."

[ghouljams]

how does one become free of insecurity? i’m already doing therapy but i feel i’ve only moved away from hating myself so much i want to d*e into just thinking everyone’s better than me

It's a long journey, but well worth it.

I don't think anyone is ever truly free of insecurity, but I think there's also a lot that is unpacked simply through the language we use to describe ourselves and the jokes we allow other people to make at our expense.

Therapy is great at helping you deal with the big feelings, but sometimes little things get caught in your head and it's hard to shake them. Here are some things that I do to keep myself feeling good, and also some things that I'm working on:

No suicide jokes. I make it a point never to joke about "oh I'll just kill myself" or anything like that because ultimately it just makes me feel worse and nobody finds it funny. It's also a good way to change your thinking and direct your solution brain away from "I'll just end things when shit gets hard." This one is a constant battle.

I compliment myself whenever I have the chance. I take every compliment someone gives me. I pretend to be vapid and self-absorbed. I make kissy faces at myself in the mirror. I tell other people how pretty I am, and I don't fucking care if they think I'm a stupid bimbo because I'm trying to love myself and that's more important.

Being kinder to my younger self. This one feels weird but I found myself being mean to little Ghoul when I was really sad. It feels easy to take out your anger on a kid that didn't know any better, and it doesn't guilt you because that's you that you're hating. But look. You were just a kid. You weren't stupid or ugly or unlovable or evil, you were a kid. I just caught myself calling my teenage self ugly the other day on my way to visit my mom and I had to stop and go "why am I saying this? I was just a kid." And it made me cry a li'l bit ngl, but if felt... idk it felt good in a way.

Don't let fucking anyone tell you, you're not worth it. Does your friend make jokes about how dumb you are? Or how you're so cringey? Or so embarrassing or bad at something or forgetful or WHATEVER? Yeah, fuck that noise. Tell them to stop doing that. Tell them it hurts your feelings and if they still don't stop they aren't your friend, they're your bully. I fucking hate bullies. Don't let anyone talk down to you, I don't care if it was a joke at first, it's not funny anymore. Fuck them.

This is something I'm working on, but when you start fixing one insecurity another will probably pop up. I've been working for a long time on liking how I look, and it's gone really well. But now I'm insecure about my intelligence. So I have to stop myself from calling myself stupid or not answering questions. I just fucking rocked my work trivia party, and Mr. Ghoul thinks I'm smart, so I just gotta keep track of my wins. Sometimes you realize that making yourself secure in one thing makes you insecure about another, but that's ok! There's a learning curve to all of this.

Everyone thinks everyone else is better than them. You don't have to be the best at everything, you don't even have to be the best at one thing! What's important is that you're doing your best. People notice when you're working hard, even if you're not churning out the best product because it means you care about it. Which brings me to

Done is better than perfect. Sure it would be great if you were God's most specialist soldier, but think about how much work that would be! Ok so you're not the world's best knitter, but the scarf you made your friend is their favorite scarf anyway because you made it. So you're not a world class writer, but you had a story in your head and you wrote it down. That's better than it never being written at all. Also just because you think it's bad doesn't mean other people won't think it's a masterpiece. Hell, half of the fics I wrote when I first started this blog I could write better now but that doesn't make them bad, it just means I've gotten better.

We as humans are constantly improving and evolving. Don't let who you are no stop you from striving towards who you'll be in the future. Taking one step down the path towards loving yourself is better than giving up and hating yourself forever. It's slow going, but man I've been doing this shit for a decade and I'm so much happier than I was at 18.

You might think that the more you improve the harder and faller you'll fall back to the bottom, but the lows don't get that low again. You're doing great. I'm proud of you.

[watchmorecinema]

Yukio Mishima has been trending this week for uh, reasons. He was a world renowned Japanese author and all of his work is overshadowed by his actions on November 25, 1970. You might not want to read more about this guy because he is horrible and disgusting, but he's utterly fascinating and the movie about him is brilliant.

He's a really interesting character, to the point that he sounds fictional. He's gay, obsessed with ritualistic death, a right wing lunatic, led a private militia that was halfway to a cult, and also was a legitimately great author. His life is covered in the film Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters and it's easily the most beautiful film I've seen in my life. Look at the stills I posted above; every frame of this movie looks like that. It's all just a series of beautiful paintings with people living in them.

The way the film is structured is that it tells the story of his life in three ways. His past is told in black and white flashbacks with static cameras. This is closer to how a movie from the 50's would look like (specifically ones directed by Yasujirō Ozu). The events of three of his books are told with this beautifully stylized look, with sets that look like stage plays. The events of November 25, 1970 is told in an almost normal fashion, with regular colors and competent camerawork. The past is nostalgic, the present is mundane and only in fantasy can you truly come alive.

Through this movie we see the ideology of Mishima coming through. His nationalism, his sexual feelings and his thoughts on beauty and death all come together. Death isn't just a violent and tragic end, it is in itself a beautiful act. Beauty is the only true goal of life and creating beauty brings honor. Growing old and ugly is an act of hate; to die at your peak is to give love back to the world. It is therefore treasonous to live long enough to die peacefully. He pities what heaven must look like now; when men died young and beautiful it was paradise, but now it is filled with old men.

This is an objectively insane way to view the world but it is also fascinating. How much of this was what he believed, and how much of it was just begging for attention? In one instance when asked why he moved to the right politically he said "because the left was full". It was a joke answer, but he clearly wanted to be in the spotlight. His shield society was a paramilitary group dedicated to living a virtuous life of beauty, honor and old ideals. It was also a group of good looking, athletic young men led by a (barely) closeted, conservative gay man. So much of his life could have gone differently but also he was pretty much in control the whole time; he was independently wealthy and revered on the world stage. He could do whatever he wanted, and apparently the way his life went *is* what he wanted.

What's special about Mishima, both in the film and in real life, is that he's a smart and eloquent guy. In films the guy with a crazy worldview is someone like Travis Bickle from Taxi Driver or D-Fens from Falling Down. Travis couldn't understand the alienation and loneliness he felt and he couldn't find any healthy solutions. D-Fens was smart enough but not emotionally strong enough to confront his problems or deal with them maturely. These are people that could benefit greatly from therapy (other examples include Joker from Joker, Rupert Pupkin from the King of Comedy, Frank Murdoch from God Bless America, Patrick Bateman from American Psycho, Tyler Durden from Fight Club and so, so many more).

These are either 20 something year olds that are lost in the world, alienated and lonely, or 40 something year olds with a mid life crisis when they realize that everything has fallen apart. People who don't know where to go, or realize it's too late to change things. Travis Bickle had basically no friends, no family, no charisma with women and a lot of rage and anger. D-Fens lost his job, his self respect and was estranged from his ex-wife and daughter. These are people who's lives are shit at best (Patrick Bateman is a bit of a subversion. He is rich and successful, but his life is completely hollow, his relationships are shallow and he personally is very, very pathetic. I need to write about American Psycho later that film is great too.).

Mishima is different. He's smart enough to understand his issues and how to find help. He's got the money and means to do so. He's famous and rich enough that he could basically get away with anything weird or eccentric so long as it was harmless. On the world stage he was a popular author, and at home he led a life of political activism. If he was unhappy he could easily find healthy ways to fix it. His self destruction was the most avoidable of any of them, yet he's the only one that existed in real life. You expect these people to have serious personality flaws and unfixable (or seemingly unfixable) problems, not to be poetic writers that adhere to healthy living and regularly journal about their emotions, while enjoying respect from their peers and fulfillment in their work.

It's a hell of a film. Paul Schrader has not written or directed anything better (he actually wrote Taxi Driver too, so he had some experience with this type of character before) and it stands out as an incredible experience to watch. Like, Mishima's life is public knowledge and you can probably guess how it went, but I've purposefully not said what happened on November 25, 1970 because I don't want to spoil it. It's an event that actually happened but it's better for you to find out via the film than some wikipedia page.

[classic-maya]

I really loved your view on when did Brian fall in love with Justin and I saw how happy you were about a qaf ask, so here I am:

when do you think britin reunited after the finale, specifically how long do you think they lived apart for AND how do you they reunited? (I couldn't bring myself to watch that episode because this is gonna break my heart) OR do you think they are not together?

I love this fandom and I love you. I’ve been wanting to write some more fic for them for a while and haven’t had the motivation, but this might spur me along.

In the meantime…I’ll start with the last episode and why I have an unpopular opinion about how it ended and then get into how I envision their reunion. 

Finale

I know there is a lot of hate for S5 finale, but I honestly love the “It’s only time” speech that Brian gives and it’s so so special to me. I feel like it is one of the most romantic lines in the show because in Brian Kinney-speak “It’s only time” is "I will always love you. I will love you just as much tomorrow as I love you today and the next day and the next and the next. I will die loving you. I will love you if you come back to me and I will love you if you never come back to me because time doesn't matter, you are the person I love and that will never change.” 

Not joking, QaF fundamentally altered my view on romantic love. I previously only thought that familial love could be unconditional, but it was such a believable representation of unconditional romantic love that it shifted my perspective. They both truly just want what is best for the other, even if that means they cannot physically be together or at times are not in a relationship. It took my breath away.

All that being said, I definitely do not think of their last scenes together in S5 as a break-up, maybe just a break. They needed to exist separately and apart from each other for a little bit. I think Brian is fairly conscious of their age gap and he never wants to hold Justin back from anything because of their relationship. We see him struggle with this throughout the series, remember him encouraging Justin to make some friends his own age, “Enjoy your youth…I sure have ;)” as well as his many attempts to get Justin to go to and finish college. Even when Justin was with Ethan, of course Brian was hurt because of the cheating, but he also didn’t hold it against Justin because he ultimately wants him to have everything he wants and desires and Brian recognized that he couldn’t give Justin that at the time (let’s Brian’s struggles with low self-esteem aside for the purpose of this conversation). On the other side, Justin loves Brian exactly how he is, and I think Brian’s sudden change of heart (i.e. declaring his love, proposing marriage, turning down opportunities to hook up with tricks etc.) scared Justin.

The two of them went through yet another extraordinary trauma with the attack on Babylon and I think the rush to get married was an extension of that, but I don’t know if either of them were actually ready for marriage. In the same way Brian is afraid Justin will wind up resenting him and their relationship if it were to keep Justin from reaching his full potential as an artist, I think Justin is afraid that if they do get married, Brian will later resent it because he was only caught up in the fear of once again losing the love of his life. But no matter what, something big did shift in a very real way for both of them and made Brian feel freer to express his love for Justin. Reunion

I think Justin moves to New York and has the exact experience he was looking for. He struggles for a bit and he hides it from Brian and his family because he wants to prove to himself that he can do it, that he can take care of himself and Brian lets him. He supports and loves his independence. I think they see each other frequently and are madly, passionately, exuberantly in love even though they live in different cities. I think Brian flies to New York every few weeks and Justin takes the bus to the Pitts every chance he gets.

The first time Brian visits, Justin picks him up from the airport and they can’t stand another moment not touching each other, so they don’t even make it home and end up having a quickie in the airport bathroom. Then Brian takes them to a hotel because he is not sleeping on Justin’s ratty second-hand mattress and letting his roommate hear them fuck their brains out for the next 48 hours.

Eventually, Justin’s art starts selling and he stops struggling. He makes a name for himself and is being flown across the country for different shows and speaking engagements. Meanwhile, Kinnetic becomes the top ad agency in Pennsylvania and begins to gain clients throughout the northeast and in New York to the extent that developing a satellite office in the city only makes sense. Brian moves to New York, not because he is following Justin, but because it has always been his dream. He sells Britin and swaps it for a penthouse in Manhattan that he puts in both their names. Justin moves in without either of them talking about it.

I see them getting married about 7 or 8 years after we last see them in the show, and this time it feels right. They go back to Pittsburgh and their chosen family, the gang and some new friends, are all there to celebrate them. I do not think they will ever choose to have a monogamous relationship. It is not what either of them want nor do they see it as a way to show their devotion to each other. Their non-monogamy looks a lot different than it did when they were younger though. They are both more intentional about the partners they choose and it’s more like the trick of the month vs the trick of the night (or even hour if you’re Brian Kinney). More often than not they wind up in threesomes or moresomes together rather than seeing someone separately. They allow the exchange of names and numbers because they feel more secure in their relationship with each other. The prohibition on kissing anyone else remains.

They don’t have kids together, but they both are in and out of Toronto with enough regularity that Gus sees them as de facto parents who helped his moms raise him. Gus often goes to New York to spend long weekends with them and in high school and college he will spend entire summers in New York with Brian and Justin.

They are the consummate New York power couple; they help each other’s business and are always attending each other’s events. They travel separately for work but always make time to leave the country and vacation together a few times a year. Eventually, they move from the penthouse to a beautiful Brooklyn brownstone and at some point, they (cover Brian’s ears) grow old together.

[wildsupernova]

and you loved me still.

summary: the memories of their summers together would haunt her for the rest of her life, always leaving her to wonder what could have been. steve never realized how important those memories were to him until he couldn’t forget it.

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader (no use of y/n)

word count: 1.7k

warnings: no warnings for this one, although i guess there’s mild angst

a/n: hey guys! yet another short song based fic after a way too long break lol. i just finished up my second year of college so everything’s kind of hectic right now, but i’m gonna try to get out some longer, non-song based fics here soon i promise. hope you guys enjoy this because i’ve been OBSESSED with this song for the past month, and if you do, feel free to comment, repost, like, whatever! any interaction helps :)

if you want to make a request for a fic, my requests are open, and i also have a prompts list linked below to make requests from as well. i’ve been talking too long, so thank you guys for reading and i hope you enjoy!

masterlist | prompts list

The aftermath of it all left her numb, even after summer was over. She wished she could get over it the same amount that she wished it would sting more, because feeling anything at all would be better than being stuck in this limbo she’d been suspended in since August ended. She couldn’t bring herself to smile, but she also couldn’t bring herself to cry, doing nothing but sitting and reminiscing about the past 3 summers they’d spent together. Every time she looked at him, every memory would replay in her mind, and then his eyelashes would blink it all away. 

They were memories she didn’t really want to forget, something that reminded her of the few times that she was really, truly happy about being stuck in Hawkins. They were the only thing pushing her through the monotony that was the first half of the semester, and the only thing that kept her sane while she was surrounded by the plain white walls of her small dorm room. 

The warm Indiana wind flowed through the spaces between her fingers, her hand tapping along to the music that played through the radio. He turned the volume dial until the sounds of guitar and drums drowned out the purr of the engine as they drove, and she mouthed along to the words almost absentmindedly. 

He was wearing his brand new Nike sneakers, still pristine white and shiny as if they’d just come out of the box. He blamed it on where they were going, told her that he could only wear his “best shoes” to go hiking in the woods on the outskirts of Hawkins, but she wasn’t stupid. He was doing it all just to show off for her, and she was eating up every last bit of it. 

He made some joke to her that she couldn’t hear very well over the radio, but she laughed anyway. He told her that he loved the way she sounded when she laughed, and she’d never forget the way he leaned over the center console and kissed her long and slow, car dipping lightly into the ditch as he did. 

Steve Harrington was absolutely untouchable in those high school years. Stubborn, arrogant, one of the most difficult people she had ever met in her life. But none of it mattered because he was King Steve, the invincible monarch that ruled over all of Hawkins high. No one dared tell him how much of an asshole he was, or how much they hated him, because one wrong move and he’d make you the laughing stock of the school until graduation. Girls fell at his feet and followed him wherever he walked, and he had picked her. 

Just for the summer, that's what they had agreed. Just one summer, that turned into two and then three. He kept every secret she had ever told him held close to his chest, never letting a single one slip out of the confines of his bedroom. He took every weakness she ever had and became it, from his stupid, perfectly styled brown hair to his honey colored eyes. He took every insecurity and flipped it on its head, always turning self deprecating jokes she made into compliments. But in the end, she just couldn’t fill the shoes he wanted her to. 

She told him she wasn’t all in, but she was. By the end of that first summer, she’d fallen so deeply in love with him that she couldn’t go one day without thinking about him, unable to look at any other guy the way she looked at him. She couldn’t be like all of the other girls before, the ones content with summer time flings and one night stands. She wanted it all, and he wanted something fun. He was the king of the jungle and she’d fallen right into her role as his prey, and the second she let her guard down, he went in for the kill.

Steve wanted to forget the past, but nothing he could do would ever make it disappear from his memory. He thought that, maybe, if he could just fall into the monotony of his job at Family Video, he’d eventually be able to forget about her, but it seemed like the more he tried to forget, the more he remembered. Trying to push the past away only made him yearn for a future where he had her again, somewhere away from all of this, her body curled up against his own while they watched all those cheesy vintage movies she loved so much. 

The thing that hurt the most was remembering their conversation of how they imagined their life would be after high school, so far removed from what their lives were like now. 

“What do you think you’re gonna do after high school?” She blinked as she looked up at him, her eyelashes tickling his jaw. “You know, when all of this bullshit is over?”

He blew out a breath through his nose.”I don’t know, never really thought about it.”

“Really? Never once thought about what you want to do with your life when you graduate?”

“I always just kind of assumed I’d work for my dad after high school, I guess.” She moved out from under his arm and rolled over onto her stomach, bare chest pressed against the mattress. 

“Okay, then if you could do anything for the rest of your life, what would it be?”

“I don’t know!” She let out a small laugh, slapping him lightly on the shoulder. 

“Come on, think! There’s gotta be something you’ve always wanted to do.”

“I guess if I had to pick anything, I’d be a teacher.”

Her eyebrows knit together. 

“Hmm.”

“See, it’s stupid-”

“No, it's not stupid! Just not what I expected you to say.” She flipped over to lay on her side, propping her head up with her hand. The blanket fell down and off her chest, and Steve had to stop himself from looking down. “What would you teach?”

“I don’t know, elementary school maybe? I like kids, so why not?”

“You want a big family, I take it?” He rolled over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. Almost instinctively, she laid her head down on his chest, hand drawing circles along his skin while he talked. 

“I guess. House in the suburbs, picket fence, 4, maybe 5, kids.” She let out a loud laugh at that. 

“5? Seriously? You better hope whoever you marry is crazy because any sane woman would stop after 2.” He smiled at that. 

“It's a negotiable number.”

He was so difficult back then, so hard to love, but she did it anyway. He did everything he could to keep up appearances, to keep every girl he knew at arms length and never let them find a way into his heart, but somehow she made it in. She wanted him even when he was that arrogant asshole who wouldn’t even throw her a glance in the hallways, who wanted to keep their summer rendezvous a secret to save his own reputation, and found a way to bring out who he really was when they were alone. He kept every secret she told him locked up in his heart even though the guy he pretended to be would have aired it all out just to hurt her. He knew every one of her insecurities and weaknesses, and she knew all of his, but in the end, she just couldn’t fit the role of what he thought he wanted. 

Just another girl to occupy his time with, another girl to spend the summer with and forget about when the next one came along. Except one summer turned into two, which turned to three, which turned to watching her drive away with all her things packed up to begin her life. She had been all in for him, and he just wasn’t ready for that. At the time, he didn’t even know thats what he’d wanted, but now that she was gone and those summers were over, he wished he had, because all he can think about is how she had been nothing more than prey to him at the time, and he’d killed any chance at the life they’d talked about so many times. A life he kept trying to tell himself he didn’t want with her.

She wondered if it was all worth it, or if it had all just been a waste of time. A waste of time that left her wondering what could have happened if she’d just been honest, if she hadn’t lied to him at the end of that third summer when he asked her if she’d agreed that all of this was just for fun. She still knew all of his favorite foods by heart, still remembered his diner order and the movies he liked to watch when his parents weren’t home. She wanted to forget about all of it, but she couldn’t.

He wondered if it was worth it, hurting her like that. She’d always tell him that it wasn’t anything more to her, that she knew this was all just something to pass the time, but he knew she’d only said it to hide how real it all was for her. He wished he’d been able to recognize how real it had been for him just a little bit sooner, because maybe then he wouldn’t have to sit here and wonder what could have been. He wouldn’t feel like every date he went on was a waste of time, because the person who knew him best was long gone. 

She’d cling to the memories of her summers with Steve like something sacred and fragile, keeping them close as a reminder of when things used to be simple. When she could lie to herself about how she felt about him and still feel like she was telling the truth, when she had that false hope that maybe they could turn into something more than a summer fling. She heard from friends back home that he was a different guy now, but it seemed he was just that guy who would always come out when they were alone by his pool on those warm summer nights. The guy she fell in love with over and over again every summer. 

Maybe, if they met again, he’d be all in for sure, but she wasn’t sure she could be this time.

[delululand]

who send that txt’s red and green flags? u r a godsent! id like to add something on red flags since we all know the members are waving green flags 🤭

sb - i think one of his red flags would be fickleness? idk if i would be able to explain it well but he mentioned before that he hates being adult because of responsibilities. based on that, i can see him expressing his feelings toward the other person but then suddenly backing out because he suddenly feels overwhelmed with the thought of responsibilities that comes with relationship. he likes the person but he might be indecisive on whether he is ready to commit or not. (Not saying this is really him but just a possibility based on what ive observed with those type of ppl)

yj - fixer. sometimes he might be too focused on fixing whatever he thinks need fixing on his partner and that can be really annoying. while his moon in libra and mars in sagittarius might help him be ‘chill’.. that leo and virgo combination is no joke.

bg -u’ve said it right. it is his pettiness that can be a red flag. also the lack of communication with manipulative tendencies! if he’s the wrong one, he will have no trouble apologizing. he’s nice that way. but if his partner is the wrong one? yea good luck. he’d disappear and will make sure to make them feel guilty for it until they’re on their knees— 😶

tyun - im inlove with him so much im willing to ignore 🚩.. kidding! look, i’ve seen his chart and a lot of his personal planets r making aspect to his sun which made me think that his ego (sun) plays a huge role in his life and will definitely be one of his red flag. rn we see tyun mature side right? but i feel like anything that will hit his ego so hard can make the vicious side of him come out. his aries mars makes him easily reactive to those things. when he’s triggered, the only way to calm him down is to leave him alone.

hyuka - low self-esteem. among the members, he’s the one with a really low self esteem (all of them have but his goes deeper) im not gonna explain much other than it’s not really pleasant with these type of ppl. u gotta be strong or else they’ll drag u down with them. he’s a leo.. a leo with a healthy self esteem r the best and i know that hyuka will eventually get there.

that’s all. i dont think im able to explain my thoughts well😭 but lemme know what u think?

+ anyways i truly miss reading ur posts! and saw that enhypen’s post too! i love it!! would it possible to request one for txt too? thank u 😄

- ur fellow intp 💙

OMGGGG I WANNA SAY SO MUCH

first i love your mind soooo much, second you’re so good in astrology

i absolutely agree with your opinion about soobin, this is one of the things that I thought about but couldn’t articulate it. in my opinion he is quite mature and he is the leader of the group which makes him mature even more, but it seems like that is enough for him? like, on the one hand, it’s not that he’s not mature for a relationship, but rather he’s just not ready to take responsibility yet. + he said that he is not the kind of person who would lead a relationship or plan something and therefore would just agree with everything that his girlfriend wants, but this is also literally an abdication of responsibility to some extent. so, in my opinion, he either doesn’t want to take on extra responsibility because he’s tired of responsibility at work, or he’s not ready for it due to his young age, or he’s just that kind of person (but actually i think it affects everything together and may change with age, like i don’t think that he will be a person who will become a super leader in a relationship, but at least he will be okay with the responsibility that comes with the appearance of a relationship)

yeonjun yes and beomgyu absolutely yes. if he has a fight with his partner and the partner says something offensive to him, they won’t get away with just an apology, and for some reason i think that if it really hurt him, he would remember it every time in all next fights. and also sometimes he likes to do something like checks? like that time when he blocked taehyun to see if he would come to wish him a happy birthday

taehyun yes too and + soobin said that taehyun often gets offended that he doesn’t share his feelings and this can also be in some ways a red flag for people who have difficulty sharing feelings or who just don’t like it

speaking of kai, i understood what you mean and this is really true, but it is in him that it manifests itself as not being so burdensome for other people? like i mean my work in korea was partly related to this area and i could see and sometimes communicate with different musicians/actors/dancers and other media personas and one of the most surprising things is when you look at them you think “wow this person is so cool, they are beautiful, they are smart, they are interesting personas, they have good singing/dancing/whatever skills” but when communicating with these people, most of them have very low self-esteem but they don’t seem to focus on it. i don’t know how to explain this more correctly, but it’s like the difference between people who due to low self-esteem really pull people around them to the bottom and people for whom it’s like something background that you might not even recognize right away. but idk whatever i hope kai can handle with this and it seems he has already changed for the better

and thank you so much for writing this!!! if you don’t mind i’ll leave a link to this in main post, people should see this too!

[wandering-winchesters]

Not yourself

Pairing: Dean x Reader Word Count: 2,203 Summary: The reader has been feeling off, ever since a nasty encounter with a demon. Trigger Warnings: Panic attack, self hatred, swearing. Mostly fluff. Requested: No

A/N: Requests are open! I really hope you enjoy this, my anxiety has been bad recently so writing about the things that bring me comfort has helped.

Masterlist

Ever since Dean and I had started dating, some days were easier than others. When the voices in my head were quieter. The anxiety coursing through my body was not as strong. I didn’t feel jittery, I could focus on the tasks at hand and not want to spend all day in bed. Yet there were still bad days and today was one of them. Today, I was miserable. Anxiety tearing my every thought to shreds, making every task seem insurmountable. Instead of coming out as fear and sadness however, it was displayed as anger. Every little thing was pissing me off, breaking a plate, spilling my coffee and Dean making the wrong joke. All of these ended in outbursts of swear words coming from me. I couldn’t handle it today and the boys could tell. They’d both given me my space since the coffee incident, making up excuses to dismiss themselves to different rooms of the bunker. I didn’t blame them, if they were acting like me, I’d get it. I’d do the same thing. But that didn’t make handling my anxiety today any easier, not that it was their job to fix me, but they certainly helped. Some Days it was just easier to be mad at the world, instead of facing the real problem. The last couple of weeks had been miserable, but I had been trying my best to keep it internalized. 

Ever since the last hunt I had been on, two weeks ago, my thoughts had been hell on earth. It had been a difficult hunt from the get-go. What we thought was a vengeful spirit turned out to be a Demon. It had cornered me, separating me from the boys, even though they fought like wildfire to get to me, they couldn’t until the demon let them in. He had read my innermost thoughts, using them to get to me. He had taken all of my worst fears and brought them to life. All of the negative thoughts I had ever had about myself, something he voiced to me. Reaffirming them to be true. Sam and Dean didn’t need me, I was a burden, they were better off without me. My parents never wanted me, I was a mistake, I was worthless. Dean didn’t love me, he was with me out of pity. All of his words cut me like a knife, my soul in pieces before him. I had fallen for his tricks and he almost took me. I didn’t realize I had been screaming, until Sam and Dean finally entered the room, ensnaring him in the trap that they had set, and exorcising him. I remained in the corner of the room, helpless and useless. Dean had run to my side, the second we were safe. His arms becoming my safety net, yet I hated every second of it. The demons words repeating within my mind, over and over again. I had begun to shut them out, figuring that if they truly hated me, it wouldn’t matter. They wouldn’t notice until it was too late and I could slip away without any difficulty. I stopped going on hunts with them, making up excuses each time they asked. I could tell by the looks that they gave me that they weren’t convinced, but they didn’t push me. 

I am snapped from my thoughts by the clatter and splash of water, following me knocking over my cup of water. 

“Fucking hell,” I mumble, quickly wiping up the water I had just spilled all over the book of lore that I was studying.

“I don’t think hell has anything to do with that, Y/N.” Dean says, when I glance over at him he’s got a soft smile on his face, concern also imminent in his features. I don’t answer, focusing back on the mess that I needed to clean up. He offers help, but I decline. Already using the I had grabbed, to wipe up what water I could before laying the book flat to dry. I can feel Dean’s eyes on me the entire time, waiting and watching, for what I’m not sure.  

I’m about to brush past him into the hallway when he stops me, his hand gently grabbing my wrist. 

“Hey.” He says, turning to face me. “What’s going on in that head of yours? It’s obvious that you’re not doing too hot.” His voice is soft, his face shows concern and all that does is make me angrier.

“You haven’t seemed like yourself recently.” He continued, his eyes pleading with me to open up and let him in. Yet, I knew that if I stopped and talked about it, I would break down. I simply didn’t have the mental energy for that right now, so remaining angry was the only way I could handle things right now. I brushed him off, muttering a quick I’m fine and walked away heading towards our shared bedroom. I stopped in front of the door and debated going inside, but decided I’d rather be alone. So I continued down the hall to the room that used to me mine, I locked the door behind me and press my back to the wall. For the first time today I’m surrounded by complete silence. No music, no talking, nothing at all, yet the silence is overwhelming. I can feel the anger creeping away and sadness and anxiety washing over the empty spaces it leaves behind. 

I close my eyes, embracing the wave as it comes. I can feel the panic building inside of me making it more difficult to breathe or think. I find myself sliding down to the ground, my feet planted in front of me, my back pressed flush to the wall behind me. My head is spinning, thoughts screaming past like a car on a racetrack, circling around and around, unescapable. I can feel tears forming, hot and heavy, streaming down my face. I rest my elbows on my knees and cradle my head in my hands. Praying that this doesn’t turn into a full blown panic attack, but all the signs are pointing that way. I am so focused on trying to control my breathing and silence the sobs that are leaving my throat, that I am completely blind to my surroundings. Which is how I missed Dean knocking on the door, panicking when he tries the door knob and finds it locked. I don’t hear his threat to break it down if I don’t open the door. I don’t hear him follow through with his promise. I don’t realize he’s there, until his hands are pulling my own away from my face, his lips moving but his voice silent to me. I look at him confused, unsure how he got to be sitting criss-cross in front of me, pulling at my body. Slowly, ever so slowly, I can hear his words breaking through the roaring of the waves within my head. 

“Y/N, you’ve got to breath, baby. C’mon, with me, copy me.” He says, his eyes frantic but his tone calm. His hands cradling my own, resting one against his chest so I can feel it rising and falling. I take a shaky breath, my lungs screaming in protest, pure agony. They feel constricted, like someone is squeezing them to exhale while I try to force an inhale. 

“Can’t.” I choke out, my throat on fire. I am trembling, the kind of shaking that changes the way you speak, uncontrollable and inconsolable. Dean takes another look at me and without asking, he pulls me into his lap. My legs crossed behind his back, my thighs on his hips. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull myself into him as much as I possibly can, desperate for relief. His arms are wrapped around me, his hand finding my hair and rubbing his fingers against my scalp. His touch soft and calming, his voice echoing the same sentiment. Our chests are pressed together, forcing me to copy his breathing pattern, which is ever so slowly calming me down. I finally manage to take a full breath and almost sob in relief. I can feel Dean relax against me slightly, his concern lessening as my ability to breathe normally returns. 

“You’re okay, I’ve got you. I’m here sweetheart, I’m not going anywhere.” His words hit me hard, I want them so badly to be true, but I can’t bring myself to believe them. We sit in silence for awhile, our bodies intertwined. I don’t dare to break the silence, not really wanting to explain the reasoning behind my actions today. I know he is going to ask, he’ll want an explanation and I can’t blame him for that. I just don’t really want to give him one. He pulls back slightly, just enough so he can see my face. He wipes away the tears on my cheeks, his eyes searching my own for any non verbal explanation, but I look down at the floor not wanting to make eye-contact with him. 

“Baby, please. What’s going on? Please let me in.” He whispers, his voice tugging at my heart, he sounds almost broken. I sit silently for a minute, anxiety bubbling up within me once more. I close my eyes and consider the options before me, I can lie to him, or tell him everything. I choose the latter, my voice speaking before my brain can even process what’s happening. 

“That demon, the last hunt I went on. He got inside my head, he took all of my darkest thoughts and fears and put them on display before me. He affirmed all of my biggest fears.” I said, brushing away the tears that had begun to form again, unwilling to appear any weaker in front of him, any weaker than I had moments before. 

“What fears, baby girl?” He asks, his eyes still trained on me, watching my every action. 

“That you and Sam hate me and think I am a burden. He told me that you didn’t really love me, that you were only with me out of pity. He told me that I really was worthless, and that everything he said was true and that he had read your thoughts.” My voice fails me and tears begin to fall again. Dean is quick to respond, his hand comes up to cup my cheek and I immediately lean into his touch. He presses a kiss to my lips, strong and meaningful. It isn’t until I look up at him, that I realize he has tears in his eyes. 

“Sweetheart, that couldn’t be further from the truth. I love you, I don’t pity you. Sam and I don’t hate you and you are the furthest thing from a burden. You’ve been carrying this around for the last two weeks?” He asks, and all I can do is nod. I sniffle and he sighs, resting his forehead against my own. 

“Y/N, next time you’re having these thoughts please just tell me, baby. It breaks my heart to know that you’ve been carrying this around for the last couple of weeks, no wonder you’ve been distant.” I am a little taken aback at his words, honestly believing that he hadn’t noticed a difference. 

“You noticed?” I ask, trying to hide the surprise in my tone but he notices immediately. 

“Of course I did, Y/N. Believe it or not, I know you like the back of my hand. I didn’t want to push you, but it was tearing me to pieces because you wouldn’t tell me what was bothering you. I just wanted to help you.” He says, pressing kiss to my cheek, soft and gentle. I lean into him once again, resting my head on his shoulder and inhaling deeply. My body is exhausted, from lack of sleep and the panic attack that had surged earlier. 

“I love you, De. I am so tired.” I whisper, relishing the peace that has replaced my inner turmoil. I can feel him relax against me, his hands rubbing gentle circles in my back. 

“I love you more, Y/N. Wanna go watch a movie in bed and snuggle?” He asks and I nod, my arms squeezing him tighter.

“But only if you carry me, Winchester.” He laughs, but silently agrees. 

Thats exactly what we do, he carries me to our room and sets me gently on our bed. He tosses me a pair of his sweatpants and one of his flannels, knowing I am most comfortable when wearing his clothes. I pull them on, while he grabs his laptop and gets situated in bed next to me. We jokingly bicker about what movie to watch before he points out that the whole point of this is for me to fall asleep while watching, I concede and he puts on some action movie. I don’t complain however, knowing that it will keep him entertained while I sleep. He pulls me against his side and I intertwine my legs with his, resting my head on his chest. My arm wrapping around his middle and completely sinking into his embrace. I let my eyes flutter closed, my senses overwhelmed by his presence in the best way possible. 

[cherrytreedreams]

Hi!

Thoughts on Luther in s4? I feel like they dumbed him down a lot and it made me really sad :( especially because I just rewatched season 1.

Thank you!

hiiiiiiiiiiiii welcome to my cringe pit.

im actually a patented Luther Enjoyer. this isnt as much of a hot take since s2 and 3, but i remember back in the s1 days that luther was bar none the most hated sibling. and i actually think s1 is his best season, easily. i like his puppy-dog vibes in s2 and 3 (esp since in s2 in particular, hes still kind of an asshole-- remember when five said the world was ending and he said "i dont give a shit"? major dick move. plus ill never forget his pathetic kicked-puppy vibes in ray's living room.)

anyway, i think s1 is his best season because s1 is very thematically coherent, in a way none of the other seasons are. every sibling embodies a facet of reginald's abuse, and every sibling embodies how the abuse affected them. luther is the sibling holding onto their childhood-- still vying for dad's approval, all the way until he realizes he'll never get it again. luther lashes out because he'll never be what his father wants him to be; and luther lashes out because while he holds himself to reggie's standards, he also holds aaaallll of his siblings to reggie's standards, too. its why he treats viktor cruelly; because reggie treated viktor cruelly. and luther, deep in his heart, really wants to be his dad.

but anyway. so, with that arc reasonably done with in s1, i feel like the "vaguely pathetic but wide-eyed and figuring out who he is for the first time" angle is the obvious direction to take luther in, after that. luther is essentially a young adult in s2 and 3; leaving home for the first time, experiencing his breakup, getting his first job, figuring out what he wants, falling in love, etc. he's finally getting to make his own choices! and he's not always nice about it (and has a pretty specific frustration with five, but thats its own post...)

sooo.. with the inherent premise of a 6 year timeskip between s3 and s4, you've already lost this angle for luther. in my opinion, the obvious direction to take luther in is actually pretty similar to the direction they took him in; he misses his wife. he's lost the person he's connected with the most to; his rock, maybe, even? i get that luther and sloane didnt have much time together, but hear me out.

the siblings struggle to connect with each other, this is a well-established fact about tua. the love interests are significant because they offer the siblings someone to truly connect with. so, with luther having lost sloane, it actually makes perfect sense that he'd fall into this position of feeling the burden of "keeping the family" together.

luther doesnt care about being a leader, really..? nor does he put the stock in being "number one" that he used to, but him becoming the patriarch of the family in his own right makes perfect sense to me. bringing everyone together, organizing meetups, parties, that sort of thing. i actually think it'd be a really satisfying end to his arc; he cant become his dad, but he can become who his dad should have been, eh?

so i dont really have a problem with the premise. nor do i really have any real problem with him being a stripper? what i have a problem with is how... you phrase it as being "dumbed down", which i agree with; but what i think it is, is how luther is framed, narratively. there's nothing actually dumb about luther being full of love or being a stripper; but the narrative treats him like he's dumb. the show wants you to point and laugh, and not take him super seriously. he's comic-relief, basically.

we, the audience, are not meant to treat luther seriously. the framing mocks him, derides him, and makes jokes about him-- which theres actually nothing wrong with, by itself. previous seasons did this with every single character (including SB's favorite self-insert, five). whats different is that luther doesnt get any substantial character work to balance it out.

why does he choose to live in the academy? why did he choose to become a stripper? has he tried looking for sloane? how does he feel about losing her? how does he feel about getting his powers back? or his ape-body? (and no, the jokes dont count.) so theres just nothing there; nothing of substance. he does get the seasons one good fight scene tho, lol.

you can attribute this to a lot of things; the seasons slashed episode count, whatever. personally i think this ties into s4's wider cynicism regarding love, and the siblings love for each other, like i said in my other meta on the subject. because if luther embodies the want to keep his family together, then the narrative has to treat him like he's a wide-eyed child, because the narrative is preoccupied with how much love sucks. and, ultimately, that is how the narrative frames luther: like hes childish. which sucks, because a) shouldnt we be beyond that by now? and b) i actually dont think he is, really. he just wants to see his siblings? and work at a job? and grieve his wife? and fix up a house? none of that is particularly childish. but what do i know, lol

[katierosedreams2]

Tootsie Roll

My heart was racing as I talked to Malisa, it felt like it was going to explode. My hands were so clammy and were literally shaking. I almost thought I was going to faint! It’s not like I haven’t talked to her before, we’ve known each other from when we hung out a few times with some mutual friends over the summer. She was so pretty, and always dressed kind of sexy, at times, down right slutty, and her make-up and hair were always almost too over done, flirting with the line of making her look like a total bimbo. But she was such a bombshell, and she totally pulled it off! She has a perfect hourglass figure. She's both skinny and shapely and has a perfect face. It screams femininity and beauty.  She was the most sexist girl I’d ever seen! She’s bubbly, kind, fit, flirty, and outgoing but in a reserved way. She’s a dream girl! 

I’m kind of shy, dorky, I’m also on the smaller size for a guy, in every way. I thought for sure by the time I was 21 I’d be a little taller. I’m the same height as most women, including Malisa, unless they’re wearing heels, then they’re taller. I’m only 5’4”, but I’m also pretty skinny, I hardly weigh one hundred pounds, I’ve always been pretty small for a guy. I still have to shop in the boys' section most of the time. Both my trainer and my doctor think I might have a disorder, which is why I can’t seem to gain muscle mass and hold onto fat. My doctor said to just exercise more, which is why I got the trainer in the first place. I try to work out, I run and lift weights, but I can’t seem to grow much muscle, except for my butt. My trainer jokes that it’s a bubble butt. And my hips and chest are where my fat likes to stay, no matter what I do. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I have big boobs or anything, it’s just soft there. With a shirt on you might think I have some small pecks, I hope, not small boobs. And the fat on my hips doesn’t help the fact that my pelvis is a little wide. I always seem to be more of a pear shape, which isn’t common for a guy, my hips seem to be just slightly wider than my shoulders. Not that either are very wide. I hate to admit it, there are times I catch my reflection in the mirror out of the corner of my eye as I’m getting in the shower, and I’d jump because I thought I saw a girl. But then I’d do a double take, and it was just me, but that definitely bothered me too. 

I struggle with growing any body hair. Hell I don’t grow any body hair, just a few armpit hairs, and they just look silly, I can literally just pluck right out with my fingers, it dosnt even hurt! Add to that the fact that I know I’m quite small down there and my balls never fully developed. I’ve never had much self-confidence when it comes to girls. I’ve never even been on a date, let alone kissed a girl! I’ve always gotten along with them just fine, they are super friendly, but I’m always immediately in the friend zone. They seem to treat me just like another girl. And guys have always been weird around me. I don’t know why, but they don’t treat me like they do other guys. Most don’t seem to respect me. Some are nice though, and some just look at me in creepy ways. 

I had very few friends growing up, which didn’t help me be any less awkward, but it improved a little in college. I befriended a nice group of girls and a few guys who seemed to be plugged into what was going on. They got me out of my room and to parties or events, even just to get a cup of coffee or a cocktail. I think they could tell I was a bit of a lonely guy who could use some friends, and I truly appreciated it. I moved away from home for college and didn’t know anyone. I shared classes with most of them. How they all knew each other to begin with I’m really not sure. You see I’m going to school for business, but also cosmetology. OK, let me explain, my mom owns a very successful small salon chain and makes very good money from the business. She cut hair to pay her way through college where she majored in business and started her own salon. The rest was history. I’ve always grown up with plenty of money and a pretty nice house as a result.

When I wasn’t in school, I spent a lot of time with her in her salons. Going from one to the other, knowing very well the ins and outs of hair, makeup, and nails. More than most of the girls in my classes, I also had better skin and long pretty black hair that was always perfectly styled. My mom made sure of that, she’s always told me my whole life that my hair represents her business, it HAD to be long and pretty at all times. And it worked too, so many ladies loved my hair, and then they went to one of my mom’s businesses. I’ve always had long girly hair and always styled like a girl, as a result, but I’m so used to it that it didn’t bother me. I agree it is pretty, and I guess I’m willing to put in the work to help the family business. I have toned it down a little since I left home though. It’s still a feminine cut, but I style it kind of neutral. 

I’d also learn a lot about business too. I grew up just assuming I’d get to work with my mom as a partner in her work, and so did she. But at the start of my junior year in high school, she told me that I could only partner with her if I got a formal education in both cosmetology and business. She'd paid for it, and it seemed like a good idea, so I agreed. I met most of the girls I have become friends with in my cosmetology classes and most of the guys in my business classes. I think this whole group was formed by the two of them, who are brother and sister. They are in almost the same situation I’m in, the sister is in my business classes and the brother is in my cosmetology classes. I think he’s gay and loves to cut hair, he’s really great at it too. His sister just likes getting her hair done, she hates cutting it, but seems to have a perfect mind for business. They were going to make an incredible team! 

All the other 4 guys in our group were gay, but that’s just fine with me. The whole group was pretty even from the two schools, and somehow we all just clicked. There seemed to be an unspoken role not to date anyone in the core group. We didn’t want to ruin this great friendship with the drama of people breaking up and dividing the group. That’s where Malisa comes in. She’s not a core member of the group. She is in one of my cosmetology classes, but it’s her minor. Her major is in fashion. She jokes that she’s just at college to party and wants to graduate with a perfect Mrs. degree to then become some rich guy's trophy wife. And she could easily have any guy she wanted. I was thinking about what she was saying the other day and this huge urge overtook me. I should ask her out. I thought I was crazy at first. But hey, she seemed to really want money and my mom already had a ton, with her and me combining and growing the family business, it would be an almost unlimited supply! It would seem silly not to!! I’ve spent my whole life seeing beautiful women, but none of them have been as pretty as her. I may never meet someone like her again! And we got along great, we clicked so well. So I made up my mind the next time I’d see her, when the time was right, I’d ask her out on a date. Just the thought alone made me so nervous! I’ve never asked a girl out before, and I’m starting with the prettiest girl in the world! I trembled at the thought, but I couldn’t not take this opportunity.

And here we were, both early to meet our friend again. Last time we ended up having this amazing conversation as our friends were over an hour late to show up, something that’s not at all uncommon for them. We were talking and having a great time, and I could feel this emotion welling up, almost like I was going to be sick! And then, it just happened, like word vomit, I kind of sheepishly blurted out. “Umm so Malisa would you umm, ever want to go out on a umm, like umm, do a thing together some time? Umm, like just the two of us?” The world seemed to freeze, even the air stood still to respond to my question. All I could hear was my heart beating so rapidly I could physically feel it moving my whole body with each quick pulse. “Like on a, DATE?” She sweetly but confusingly replied. The confusion was clear on her face and in her voice. I felt like I was made of stone. I was so frozen with fear. Oh god what had I done?!? All I could manage was a small nod and a whisper of a "yes". She could see the fear and distress on my face, and all over my whole body. She didn’t bother to hide that she felt kind of bad for me. “Aw, that's so precious. You're so cute. Sure, why not, I guess.” She spoke with empathy. I almost couldn’t believe what I was hearing!! “I could make some time tomorrow, I was going to get some brunch and then do some fall shopping, we can just see where it goes from there, how does that sound?” I almost fell out of my seat, still in shock that she said yes! I was a nervous mess and hardly processed what she said. “Sounds great!” I nervously squeaked. It didn’t sound like much of a date, but I guess it’s a start! She told me when and where to meet her for brunch and shortly after that our friends started to arrive. We didn’t talk about it again until we were parting for the evening, and she said, “See you tomorrow.” With a bubbly tone, it filled me with so much joy I thought I could fly. All night I was wondering if she’d change her mind that I hardly talked to any of my friends. 

Our brunch was great, and she looked amazing. She was in a very pretty dress that was mostly black lace, very fall, very sexy yet still elegant. Her makeup and hair were styled to perfection, still flirting with the line of looking like a bimbo. Her six inch "fuck me" pumps only added to that. As a result, she towered over me. I was dressed in a nice but casual button-down long sleeve shirt and nice pants and shoes. I don’t own a lot of clothes. I don’t care that much about men’s fashion, it’s all the same. We had a wonderful time together. We are both light eaters but love coffee. Our time shopping was great! She and I have the same taste in fall decorations, and when we ended up going to clothing stores, I think I impressed her with my knowledge and style in women’s clothes, shoes, bags, and accessories. You don’t grow up in a salon or constantly shopping with your mom without learning a few things, I guess. She would joke around and hold stuff up to me to see how it would look on me and tease that I should try it on or that we are the same size. It was embarrassing, but I didn’t want it to show, although I knew my face turned a little red, and she seemed to enjoy that. At one store, we even went through the lingerie section, and she had me help her pick out something sexy. It felt like a test almost, so I tried my best to impress her. I think I passed, she put it in her bag after all! I think she was impressed and grateful that I paid for absolutely everything. It was a date after all, and she is after a guy who has some deep pockets. Overall, it wasn’t a cheap day, but I’ve seen my mom spend ten times that much on a whim. I don’t buy much, almost ever, so I have a lot of money from my monthly allowance saved up, but I do get a lot every month too. I know it’s crazy to say, but my mom gives me 10k of “walking around money” every month! And that’s after she pays all my bills!

We had such a wonderful time. We made plans to go on another date a couple of days from now. I couldn't wait, and I struggled to focus on my school work. I pretty much jumped at my phone with every text that came in. It was always wonderful to talk to her and I quickly realized I was really starting to feel something special for her. Our second date was lovely, a nice dinner out and then talking late into the night at a quiet bar. It was very personal and deep. I've never had such a stimulating one on one conversation with someone before. As the night grew close to an end, I noticed I was sitting closer and closer to her, maybe it was the drinks, but I felt compelled to kiss her. I leaned in, and she pulled back slightly, looked at me with pity in her eyes, and then met my lips with hers. Her lips were so soft and sweet! I couldn't believe it. I felt electricity pulse through my brain to my whole body, I felt myself get hard as my heart fluttered. I can't believe it!!! I FINALLY KISSED A GIRL!! She didn't seem to mind the kiss, I did feel like it was a little more one sided, probably a pity kiss. After all, she had come to learn that until her, I'd never even been on a date. She was very nice, and seemed to care about me in at least some way. That night was the happiest of my life! And at the end of it we agreed to meet for a third! I couldn't believe it! What luck I was having!

She wanted to go on another shopping day, and wanted me to join her, and then we would get dinner afterward. I was excited just to see her again and happily agreed. She picked me up at my house at ten that morning. I was so happy when I got into her car. She looked stunning in a very short black leather mini skirt, a cute fall brownish orange top, a leather jacket and black leather thigh high 6 inch heels.

I noticed a small black shopping bag in the back seat and casually ignored it. Little did I know this was the day my life was to change forever. 

I complimented her on how good she looked and thanked her for picking me up. I had no clue where we were going, so we stopped for some coffee and drove downtown where all the best clothing stores were. It was fun to walk around with her, she looked so sexy in her outfit, and I was grateful to hide my constant erection with the clothes she kept handing me to hold. Once again, she asked me for my opinion and had me be very involved with the selection of clothes. She was going for very sexy stuff, so I didn't shy away from it. And once again she kept teasing me by holding up the clothes to me, joking how good I would look in it or that I should go try it on. How we were both the same size and how pretty I'd be in this or that. At one point when we were shopping for sexy heels, she even convinced me to try on a pair. I was so embarrassed I could hardly stand it, she thought it was so funny that even our shoe size was the same and that I could wear all of her clothes. I was so embarrassed, and just when I thought I couldn't end, she humiliated me by joking with the sales lady at check out that the heels were for me as I paid for them. I paid for everything that day. I was happy too.

 Despite the teasing, I really was enjoying my time with her, and I could tell she was truly enjoying it too. I was so happy to have her in my life at that time. We had to make three stops at the car to drop off arms full of shopping bags! We must have spent 3 thousand dollars shopping! We totally filled her car and I joked that she wouldn't have enough room in her closet for all of this. She joked back that it's not a problem because it's going in my closet! I laughed but she didn't seem like she was joking, but obviously she was. At some point, she convinced me to put in very girly dimmond hoop earrings. I was hesitant, but she was very convincing, saying that my hair would mostly hide it. She said it would be fun and make her happy. I was embarrassed but couldn't say no. I was even more so when she convinced me to wear a girly anklet, but I figured she was just messing around and having fun. I didn't want to be a party pooper, so I went along with it. She had picked out this very cute little place for dinner, very quiet and nice.

It was kind of romantic, and I was having a lovely time, and so was she. She drove me home and outside my door we kissed again and, just like the first time, it was electric and completely amazing! She asked if she could come in. I was happy to let her. I opened a bottle of white wine, and we started to drink. It was lovely. She admired the simplicity and great styling of my house. She said no straight guy she had ever met had such a nice home. It seemed like a weird thing to say, but I took it as a compliment. We engaged in some small talk as we drank and walked through my apartment. She kept saying compliments like that, she admired how clean it was too. This is just how I was raised, I kept saying. She noticed I had a huge walk-in closet that only seemed larger because of how few clothes I own. She seemed to think that this was wonderful, she muttered something about how this is enough space. I’m not really sure what that meant. Maybe she was going on about that joke from earlier that those clothes were going into my closet. She noticed how nice and well-made the bed was and started kissing me out of nowhere. It was very passionate, and I loved making out with her! 

As things got a little more heated, she took my hands and motioned for them to explore her body. I was so turned on I could almost cum just from this! I'm 21 years old, a virgin, and I’m not only making out with a girl in my apartment by my bed while she lets me grope her, but she’s also the hottest girl I have ever met!! What luck! Her body felt amazing as I slid my hands over her leather skirt. She stepped back and seductively took her top off and then slowly slid down her skirt, revealing the lingerie I had picked out with her on our first date. She looked so sexy in the black lace lingerie and black leather thigh high heels as she towered over me. I was as hard as I could get and on the edge of cumming already! She then kissed me some more and then slowly removed my shirt. I was starting to feel a little self-conscious, butm the wine helped me push past that. She ran her hands over my bare body and across my chest, stopping and holding my chest as if she was cupping boobs. “Mmm-hm” she hummed to herself as if to confirm something. She then unbuttoned my pants and carefully pulled down my zipper. She then stepped back and looked at me, her sultry look and seductive tone calling to me ” Drop your pants and underwear, all the way down. NOW!” I was almost frightened by the sudden demanding shift. I did as I was told, grabbed the top of my pants and underwear and pulled them all the way down to my ankles, and then stood there naked on full display.  

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

She burst out laughing, clearly unable to contain herself. I was shocked and immediately humiliated. And then FLASH! She took a picture!! Where did she get her phone from so fast?!? I couldn’t believe it! I reached to pull my pants back up as I started to fight tears in my eyes. “DON'T YOU DARE!!” She yelled sternly, but yet still laughing. “I’ll show this photo to everyone you know! You just stay still and do as you're told! Do you understand?!” I nodded my head as I tried to look away to hide my shame and embarrassment. She laughed some more. “Oh my god you are so small!!! Like I expected it to be little, but look at it!! Micro is too big of a word to even describe it!!! And your balls are so small it's like they aren't even there! Did they ever drop?!” she laughed some more “What the hell am I supposed to do with that!!! It's almost as big as my clit!! HAHAHA OH MY GOD IT IS A CLITTY!!!!” she laughed more as I started to cry. “Is that as hard as it can get!! It's like the size of a Tootsie Roll!! Oh my god, wait!” 

She ran off to her handbag, her heels clicking loudly on the tile floor. My heart sank as she came back holding a tootsies roll in her fingers. She started to laugh so hard she was crying as she held it next to my penis, “OH MY GOD A TOOTSIE ROLL IS BIGGER THAN YOUR TINY LITTLE CLITTY!!! IT'S SMALLER THAN A BABIES DICK!!!” she almost fell over laughing as she took another photo comparing the sizes.  “I was going to sleep with you because I felt pity for you, you're so pretty, girly, and nice, but I couldn't even get that little clitty in me! It's completely useless! No girl would ever want that thing!” I was truly crying now as the tears rolled down my cheeks and hit the floor loudly. “And look at you, not only do you have a clitty, your body's a perfect girl's body! Hell you look just like mine! You even have little boobs and a nice “fuck me harder daddy" ass! Look at your hips! Exactly what a guy wants to hold as he rams his huge cock deep inside you! Making you scream like a little girl as he uses you to make himself cum!” she said, laughing so hard as she stood next to me to compare our bodies, taking a selfie as she did. She was right, we looked so similar, I looked just like a girl. I didn't know what to do. I just stood there and cried.

“Don't worry girly, I’ll just move onto the next stage of what I had planned, because I'm definitely not going to fuck you, that's not even possible! You're going to be a little virgin forever, so it doesn't even matter what comes next!” She said laughing as she walked over to her handbag and pulled out the small bag I saw in her car this morning. “I was going to let you have one pitty fuck before I locked this on you, I already knew your be some little dick loser, but I wasn't sure how small, so I brought a few options, I almost didn't buy this one, but NOW I think it's the ONLY option!” She returned into the room holding what at first looked like a small flat metal disc. I noticed it had an inside disc and an outside ring, but the whole thing was very flat. She had a very wicked smile on her face when I asked her “wh-what's that?” 

She giggled again at the sight of my penis. “It's a chastity cage. But this is a very special one. You see I've always wanted a little doll to play with, to dress up and make do whatever I wanted for my entertainment. And when I met you, this girly boy, I knew right away you had a very small dick, and when you asked me out I felt bad for you. I thought that by asking you to go shopping you clearly turned that down for something else, but you accepted, and that started the gears turning in my head. And when you were so girly with your movements and your fashion choices, your vast knowledge of makeup, nails and hair, I started to think I might actually be able to "convince" you to be my little dolly. I went online and started looking up things about feminization and learned about these cute little devices. Some were just for play, but some were very, very real. I learned that it HAS to be smaller than your member for the desired effect. I bought a few, because I wasn't sure how small you'd really be. As I said, I almost didn't buy this one. I couldn't believe anyone would be this small! But look at you!” she laughed some more just from looking at me again, “this might actually be too big!” she laughed hard as she held it near me. The inner disc was a bit bigger than the circumference of my little dick. 

“Put it on.” I looked at her and the serious sternness in her voice matched was matched in her eyes. “Put it on, or I will show these photos to everyone, including any girl you will ever even have a single thought of liking, let alone ask out. Do I make myself clear?” It was hard to see through the tears as they rolled down my face, I knew I had no real choice, so I took the device from her pretty, soft hands. “Put the outer ring over your clitty and your very tiny excuse for balls.” she commanded as I followed her instructions, feeling like I was signing away my fate. “Good! Now take the other part and put it over your clitty, use the special tool to put in the screw. Perfect!” she laughed again as I screwed the small screw into place. The whole thing was perfectly flat and left nothing there. There was a small hole in the front of it that looked like I could pee from, but there was no physical way to touch myself. I looked flat, like a girl.

“How long are you going to force me to be like this?” At this point I was truly sobbing. She clearly found this amusing. “I don't know if you noticed that goop on the screw, but that was thread locker that has already hardened by now. It would require over 250 degrees to heat it up enough to become liquid again. So unless you are willing to horribly mutilate yourself, I guess you’ll be permanently locked in that chastity for the rest of your life!” she was laughing so hard, as my knees went from under me and I crumbled to the floor from the news. “It’s not too far off from what I had in mind for you though. I was going to give you pitty sex and then lock you up and tease you with the promise of a release, but in reality I was going to throw out the keys. We just skipped the nasty part, so I guess now you’ll be a little clitty virgin forever!” She laughed more as I struggled to hear her words. “I’ll give you time to adjust while I bring in your new wardrobe.   

I struggled to even wrap my head around what was happening to me and the humiliation I had just gone through. How could this have even happened to me?! Why would she do this!? She didn't seem to mind me as I laid there in a pile of distressing deviation and went about walking past me bringing in the bags of clothes I had bought with her all day into my house. I was too busy dealing with myself to have the awareness of what exactly was happening. If I had realized she was further ruining my life and destroying every article of male clothes I owned and filling my closet with the clothes I thought I had bought for her, I would have tried to stop her. But I was emotionally in pieces from the things she had said, so much I knew in the back of my mind, but I always tried to downplay it, convince myself it wasn't as bad as I thought. Now I know it's far, far worse. I can't believe I'm smaller than a Tootsie Roll! I looked down at the chastity again. I saw nothing but the thin flat disc of metal, making access to my “clitty” completely impossible. 

My shock and horror was interrupted by something hitting me in the face. “Put this on bitch!” she commanded, along with the assault of fabric. I looked down at it as it was a matching bra and panties with stockings. I looked up at her with confusion just in time to see her taking scissors to the clothes I was wearing that day. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” I yelled in desperation. “I'm destroying the last of your silly boy clothes. Now be a good girl and do as you're told, or else I'm going to show everyone just how tiny you really are! You got it you stupid slut!?” she was getting visibly upset with my slow reaction to her commands. “Don't you get it, I fucking own you now, you will do what I say, or ill make your life even worse! This can go the hard way or the easy way, but either way it's MY way, so what will it be?” she stood over me pointing the scissors at me in a slightly threatening manor. I could tell she was very serious, and if she was capable of doing this to me, I couldn't believe what else she could do. As the tears fell heavily from my eyes, her victorious smile beamed from her face as she watched me slowly pull the panties up my bare legs.

After I put on the lingerie, I had pretty much given up at that point and did as I was told. I sat at my desk chair as she commanded how she wanted me to do my nails and makeup, staring at my now very feminine looking closet, hardly listening to her and her plans for me. I didn't think it was a benefit that I already was an expert at make-up and nails outside my future career, but I guess it is now. I had spent time applying makeup on others much more than myself. With her demands leading my choices, I couldn't believe just how pretty of a girl I made. I haven't had full glam makeup on my face since I was a kid and my mom was teaching me. It made me sick just how unmistakable from a girl I resemble. 

“Time for the cherry on top!” she said as she produced a belly button piercing. I knew what was coming next and just laid down on my bed without saying a word, trying not to cry from the further humiliation and ruin my makeup. Oh my god, why did that thought come to my mind?! I shouldn’t give a shit about my makeup and looking pretty!!! She’s destroying my life!! Why the fuck do I care about being pretty right now?!? This bazaar internal struggle took over as she pierced my belly button, permanently adding to my girly appearance. I felt helpless, devastated, and had no idea what to do.

She then had me stand as she got on her knees in front of me, she took the Tootsies Roll, placed it on my flat chastity, and started to rub, and gently suck it as if it was my dick. Giggling as she tried to be sexy. “I bet you wish this was your liitle clitty, after all, its bigger! But I bet you wished I would be pleasing it and making you feel so good. But that pathetic micro clity won't ever get any pleasure for the rest of your life, at least not like a boy.” she then pulled out a small vibrator. “I guess you'll even have to please yourself like a girl too!” she giggled some more as she tuned it up full and placed it on my chastity. It vibrated my clitty hard, and I hate to admit it did feel good. In a short time, I started squealing like a little girl and wiggling all around as she kept it relentlessly pressed against my cage.

I hate to admit it, but I could actually feel an organism building. How could I be letting myself get turned on right now!? Then suddenly she stopped. She looked at me with so much pleasure, “Wow, you were actually getting horny from that! Look how red you are! Well, I'm so glad you liked it! If you're a good girl and do as I say, I might actually let you borrow this in a few weeks to cum, but you have to behave yourself! Right now I want a cute picture of you!” she took out her phone and started to instruct me just how she wanted me to pose. “Perfect!” she exclaimed as she snapped her pictures. “I'm going to have so much fun playing with you!” I knew my life was forever changed, and this was just the beginning.

-KatieroseOgCap

[szollibisz]

Curt, 2 & 12

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

Ok so I don't know if I've expressed this before, but I like how he's really just a well-written gay character? Like in the sense where, yes his whole life is defined by his sexuality and the time period he lives in, but he's also really complex otherwise and the homosexuality is never played for a joke, in a mean sense. Like even when he displays stereotypically gay behaviours ("it didn't match my outfit" all of the safehouse scene etc), it may be silly, but it's never made to come off as weird. I assume most of this is thanks to Corey, both in the writing and directions, so I'd just like to state how grateful I am for that and that he is a national treasure. Also big props to Curt on the acting front obviously, he never takes the gay stuff in a satirical direction, and thanks to him even in the over the top world of a musical the character feels grounded in reality.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Well that's literally what my entire account is, isn't it

But uhhh let's see: he destroys every relationship he has if the other person lets it. That's why every person we see in his life is equally as stubborn as him (if not more) The only people he can keep in his life are the ones who are controlling enough to make him stay (Owen, Cynthia, his mom, hell even Tatiana) because otherwise if he feels himself or the relationship slipping he will go into self-destruct mode and ruin as much of it as he can, in order to save himself from the heartache of being left behind.

This includes stuff like overly reckless behaviour (that sometimes veers into unintentional self-harm territory), picking fights, sleeping around, picking fights (physical) etc. I like to think he did all of this while with Owen, since obviously a relationship with circumstances like theirs rarely feels completely secure. Owen on the other hand is the world's most obsessive bitch and the only thing he could truly hate Curt for was leaving him for dead. Truly a match made in hell

[autisticzenitsu]

i want to clear the air, so this is the last you'll ever hear from me. i don't hate zenitsu because he's autistic-coded; far from it, actually. i just think he (and most others in the demon slayer cast tbph) is a poorly written character. in fact, if he's truly meant to be autistic representation, then then it makes the way he's treated and handled in the story that much worse to me. his meltdowns and otherwise dysregulated behavior are used largely for the sake of a punchline and -with the exception of tanjiro and maybe inosuke- the people around him either see him as a joke or are otherwise baffled by his existence, which is also used for comedy and not to make him feel like a sympathetic character. he's the butt of many a joke and that's about it, save for the few moments that buck that trend and make him more sympathetic. and while every character in demon slayer is about as deep as a 14 year old's self-insert sonic oc, zenitsu hasn't really shown much personal growth since his introduction, something he himself explicitly acknowledges in season 4. as a fellow autistic who to an extent also struggles with emotional regulation, i found his character personally insulting sometimes, so i think he's bad representation. if you love him, that's great and i love that for you, but he doesn't do it for me. to further clarify, i've only seen the anime and don't have any interest in the manga or light novels, and since that's going to be representative of most people's experience with this story, it bears mentioning because it will form the basis of their opinions as it has mine.

i want to apologize for causing you emotional distress in the first place by posting character hate in a fandom tag. i have actively avoided fandom spaces for over a decade, preferring mostly to just enjoy stories on my own and only occasionally post about them, so i broke one of the cardinal rules of engagement, and i'm sorry. it and my follow up ask were immature of me, so i apologize for that too. i hope you can understand a bit better where i'm coming from, even if we don't or won't see eye to eye on this. take care, and i hope you have a good rest of your week <3

Okay, thank you for that.

I'm not gonna touch the "poorly written" thing because bad/good writing is subjective, like all art is.

I really don't think he's treated as a punchline? Sure, some of his traits are played for laughs, but that can be said about Tanjiro's autistic coding. And Inosuke's autistic coding. And Muichiro's autistic coding. And Giyuu's autistic coding. And autistic coded characters from other media. (For what it's worth, I don't think Zenitsu's autistic coded on purpose; autistic coded characters rarely are).

Zenitsu IS seen as weird by other characters in canon, I'll give you that, but that's...reality for autistic people. It's not just Tanjiro and Inosuke who treat him decently, either. Shinobu treats him decently. While Aoi gets annoyed by his refusal to take his medicine, she doesn't treat him as less of a person, either. Kyojuro didn't treat him poorly. Jigoro didn't treat him poorly and loves him dearly. I'd honestly take far more issue with his portrayal if his friends and surrogate family found him impossible to deal with and acted like they barely tolerate him. But they don't.

(This is also Taisho era Japan; even in modern times, I think Zenitsu would get treated poorly by most people due to his autistic traits).

As an autistic person, I saw him and was like "he's just like me fr" and found a lot of comfort in his character. Granted, I'm also fully aware that if I were a fictional character, I'd be considered bad autistic rep.

I also appreciate that he WANTS to change, but has a hard time doing so, which is pretty realistic, imo.

I don't agree that he hasn't shown much personal growth, either. He grows a bit more confident and brave after season 1, he stands up to Daki while knowing she was a demon, and he can handle solo missions now. Also, his arc isn't over yet. But again, art is subjective, so to each their own.

I appreciate where the apology, and I do think I understand where you're coming from. I hope you have a good rest of your week, too!