#this is a joke but i also really truly hate my self every time i buy something from them

[danandfuckingjonlmao]

[microsofttothemax]

the resentment leo would have with splinter post-krang. i genuinely think they would take a bit for them to recover and be comfortable around each other

why do i think that? here’s some reasons. this is gonna be a HELLA long analysis so be prepared. sit down, grab some popcorn, and let’s dive in

in the movie, after raph was taken, leo goes on a whole rant about how he got the key, he gets the answers, and he will get raph back. yes this is irrational and brash, but not in leo’s eyes. in his eyes, this is a foolproof plan that will work

splinter attempts to intervene, and tell him like it is. “it’s not your plan, you need to work with your team.” however, it comes out as a sharp sting to leo’s previous attitude

“My son, listen to your team. This is not about you.”

it’s meant to be sensible and wise, but to leo, it’s a jab at him. it’s a stab at his cockiness and self-centered attitude, and it reminds leo of why they’re even in this position in the first place. which he hates

most of all, it’s splinter saying it. it’s his father telling him that it’s not about him. because to leo, he’s always been last place to splinter’s affection, and it’s like splinter’s confirming it here

don’t believe me? here:

splinter talks to leo, and it seems that for a minute, he listens to his father’s words. that maybe he should really stop and listen. maybe he should stop and think of a plan, listen to his brothers’ input.

but the second splinter says it’s not about him? leo shuts down. he pulls away from splinter, and refuses to listen to him. and while splinter may be right, it was something leo never wanted to hear

it’s obvious that he has a somewhat testy relationship with his father, and splinter is trying to make up for it by giving leadership advice. but to leo? this is the guy who made him leader to seemingly mess with him, never bothered to give him attention or praise on his accomplishments, and never truly knew leo beyond his “acting as the best to save face” charade

which brings me to another reason. no, i do not think splinter was ever abusive or purposely neglectful to leo, or any of the boys for that matter. but its clear theres a bit of a rift between him and leo. i think that he kind of resents leo a bit (without meaning to) because he sees himself in him. he sees the irrational movie star who never thought ahead, and made too many mistakes to count

an example would be when leo got punched by lou jitsu two times. none of his brothers got punched, why just him? and sure it could be a running gag, but i find it also to be intentional

maybe deep down, splinter still resents leo for being so much like his irrational, unreasonable younger self. that every time he sees leo, he sees his stupid past self, and without meaning to, he at times hates leo because of it. and if he doesn’t hate him, he seems to resent him to some extent

splinter also has plainly stated that donnie was the funniest one to him, (s1ep 1, mystic mayhem) and outright laughed when leo asked if he was the favorite son (rottmnt wake-up alarms on youtube, timestamp 1:59) leo also staight-up said that he was splinter’s least favorite (s1ep 4b, down with the sickness)

so yeah, i can see the resentment leo may have for his father deep down. it could be pretty apparent post-krang, hidden behind his jokes and teases

now don’t get me wrong, they have their moments of bonding, and i do love to read little drabbles and fics where they hug and heal. however… realistically speaking, it would take a while for them to get to that stage of father-son bonding post-krang. with splinter naming him leader out of the blue, to the missing lou jitsu posters on the walls of leo’s room in the movie — and we’re definitely talking about that in a later post, trust — i would bet their relationship as father-son pre and post-movie would be extremely rocky.

another reasoning for this could be that splinter often underestimates and undermines leo’s abilities and accomplishments. far as i’ve seen, the most reaction splinter’s given to leo’s accomplishments is an eyebrow raise

for example, when outsmarting big mama, leo was genuinely proud of spending time w his dad and showing him his abilities. he genuinely thought they were working together. however, splinter didn’t say he was proud or anything, just complained he wished he’d brought donnie (s2ep 2, many unhappy returns)

“I knew I should have brought Purple.”

ouch. that mustve hurt a bit

and yes, i will admit, leo was being a bit of a little shit in this scene, and yes, he could’ve told splinter of the plan before starting to yap and blab to big mama about the plan he cooked up. however, the response splinter gives is not much better. essentially, he’s saying, “i don’t like this kid or his plan, so therefore i think i should’ve brought one of my favored children to solve the problem better.”

and before you go and tell me donnie could’ve outsmarted big mama the way leo did, think for a moment. leo fully admitted to manipulating and lying in an episode before

“I don’t lie, I just… change the truth.”

whereas donnie cannot tell a lie to save his life. i love him, but the guy is a shit liar. he has failed multiple times at it

“We are just typical normal humans.. who got lost in the middle of our normal… everyday human lives— nailed it.”

“Uh… nothing. Just having a typical, normal, mystic-free day.” “What? I said mystic-free.”

“Why aren’t you guys more upset?”

“Oh. This… hurts me. Uh… I’m very sad…?”

raph & mikey aren’t much better. mikey straight-up started sweating when he had to lie to splinter about piebald, and raph has so many different stinks/scents to him that it’d be easy for others to tell he was lying

also, mikey has doctor delicate touch. who does not know what lying or “don’t be blunt” means

and donnie’s really only being extremely straightforward with what he thinks or about what’s going on around him. so it makes no sense as to why splinter would want to bring donnie along to outsmart big mama, unless he genuinely doesn’t enjoy leo’s presence, which seems to be the case

now all of this is evidence to point towards a very unsteady father-son relationship with these two. yes, splinter seems to be a very lenient father, and i genuinely think he wants to be a good dad. however, oftentimes that leads to miscommunication and misread moments, empty promises, and overall neglecting behavior on his part, all without meaning to

so while he does try harder to be there for his sons later in the show, it’s pretty obvious that one brother — who thrived off any attention possible — probably stopped caring about that validation after all that he went through. splinter gives, but leo doesn’t take. he doesn’t bother to, because he thinks it’s either a prank of some kind, or because he just genuinely doesn’t care for his father’s input anymore.

(this was based on that one post about splinter & leo by @midwesternvibes, i just figure i revisit that bc i’m thinkin about it again)

[amelee23]

My hero | Bang Chan

Pairing: Bang Chan x female reader

Genre: Married fluff, (a tiny bit of angst)

Word count: 2.400

Requested: yes

Warnings: mention of a stomach bug (very briefly) insecurities (both), self-depricating jokes (both), some marriage difficulties, caring for a child, they're EXTREMELY in love, tooth-rotting fluff

Both you and Chan loved to have your crazy fun, but to a certain limit. A limit you both understood so well, as if it was truly a shared items between your minds. Therefore, after your long awaited wedding ceremony, where tears were shed, dances were danced, cake ended up on the floor and someone's shirt, the bouquet throwing almost knocked someone out, and fortunately no relative started a fight - you both drove peacefully, home. No long flights to Honolulu, no rushing for any 5 star hotel reservation. Just a long, deep sleep.

You awake and instantly chuckle. You barely remember that you basically threw your wedding dress on top of the bedroom door last night instead of finding a hanger. Slept with the door open and all, but you were so exhausted you don't remember even washing your teeth. You turn around gingerly and find your newlywed husband, Chris, to be slightly salivating on the pillow. Nose half shoved inside the fluff, hair every which way and his cute ears poking through, his silver earrings still on. He was a sight to behold, and this sight was truly now yours.

You brush a few strands of hair away from his eyes, and as you accidently touch his ear he shudders. You procrastinate for a good five minutes, in which you gently pet his hair, and then lean to kiss him on the forehead before you get out of bed.

"No, don't leave." He calls out to you, his voice raspy and his accent thick. You give into the temptation and lay back down next to him.

"Good morning, my husband." You say, and it's so cheesy it makes you giggle.

"Good morning, my wife." He says with a toothy grin. You just married him, and you have a lifetime ahead of you to admire him and love him, and yet you're impatiently urging to jump on him and smother him in kisses for how adorable he looks. Cuteness agression and all.

You decide you won't be eating Chris alive one kiss at the time, and instead you lay your head on his outstretched arm and allow him to wrap the other one around your back, bringing you one breath away from his chocolate eyes admiring you sleepily.

"So, what will be our first important decision taken as husband and wife?" Chris asks you, and you furrow your brows. Does he mean something like deciding to paint the room green or getting a cactus?

"Deciding what to eat for breakfast?" He chuckles at your answer.

"The most important meal of the day! Yeah I think that's a very big decision to make. And as your husband, to showcase my deep trust in you, I allow you to have complete power over this first decision." He speaks so eloquently, you slap him on the arm and he begins to giggle.

"You're just too lazy to help me think!"

"What? Me? Neveeeerr."

"And I'm guessing you also want me to go get said breakfast if you're letting me decide what we eat." Chris pretends to gasp.

"How did you know? See, we're perfect for each other! You can read my mind." He makes that usual tutting noise as he winks at you and you go from adoring him to wanting to shove a pillow in his face. But most marriages are like this, you imagine.

"Fine, I'll do it. Under one condition."

"Anything my wife desires."

"You have to answer why you chose me. Like, as your wife. Why me and not anyone else?"

"Why not?" Chris answers with a laugh and you're reaching for the pillow and he doesn't even try to dodge.

"No but really, why did you?" You try your hardest to not show that this is a real question for you. Not just a joke to put your husband in a tough spot for fun, but an actual curiosity that makes you insecure. And Chan hates it when you're insecure.

"I chose you as my wife." You squint at him in a feeble attempt to understand his words.

"Yeah .... you did, since we just got.... married... But why me?" Chan laughs and flails his arms, probably realizing his words didn't come out very coherently.

"No, I chose you as my wife the entire time. It just took me a very long time to realize it.

When I needed an opinion on a song, for some reason I chose you instead of, y'know, the people who produce music with me. When Seungmin caught that stomach bug and I needed to get him to the hospital, I chose to call you to come with us. When I needed to have a serious conversation with someone, I'd call you up even if I'd be surrounded by 15 close friends in physical range of me. I used to choose you even if it was irrational, even if I was a burden to you-"

"You were never a burden to me, Chris."

"I hope I wasn't." He laughs awkwardly, almost as if embarrassed. "But anyways... Yeah. In the beginning I thought I was just being silly, but then I started to notice what I was doing. When my parents asked me if I've met anyone new, I chose you to talk about. Literally yapped for hours - you should have seen their faces! They knew I was in love way before I did. And when I was tasked with writing a love song...I chose you to write about. And then the next morning I chose to start sending you good morning messages every day. Then when I pictured Valentine's day... There was no other option other than spending it with you. So I chose to ask you out before Valentine's so when the holiday comes I could spoil you. And then I just... Continued to choose you. Over and over again." He finishes with a smile, in contrast to you who started crying many sentences ago. You thought you were done crying after yesterday's ceremony, but Chris is a man full of surprises.

"You even chose me over your career a few times..." You say as more tears escape you, a feeling of guilt washing over you. Although the fact that he sacrificed the thing he cares the most about in this world for your sake should prove his dedication, it also still makes you feel guilty to think about.

"And I'd do it again." He leans closer, wiping the tears off of your face, then taking your hand in his to lay tiny kisses on it. "So you see how I just... Chose you? From the get go? It's like I knew I could rely on you, trust you, love you eternally. From the day we met. So it's not... Anything you said or something specific. I just chose you. All of you. To be mine. All mine." He pulls you into a tight embrace and you feel the way your body wraps around his by instinct. Like you were molded to blend together. "You're mine." He kisses the side of your forehead and butterflies wreck your tummy. "My wife."

"But you could have chosen anyone else..." You still mutter unsurely, but Chris shushes you and pats your head.

"But I didn't. And I won't." He reassures you, rocking you left and right in a calming motion. He truly wishes he would be better at showing you and telling you just how much he loves you, how much he wants you in his life. He could never blame you for having insecurities about yourself, but at the same time he feels although he's failing as a lover if he lets those those thoughts invade your mind. He truly wishes his love could seep into your bones.

"So you don't just want me for my spicy chicken recipe?" You try to joke, to ease the atmosphere, bringing Chan out of his thoughts.

"I mean ... The spicy chicken is included in the package, right?" He continued the joke, but underneath that pearly smile he gave you, Chan was set on making you the happiest wife on earth. Whatever it took.

Even if that meant some arguments, some bumps down the road, and making you uncomfortable with affection and attention until you allowed him to love you well. That was a part of marriage no one warned you about, something you had to figure out along the way - that sometimes you have to make each other uncomfortable in order to grow. Sometimes you have to push some limits to become happier.

And so many years into the future, after the birth of you first son, you pushed a limit that wouldn't even seem humanly possible to Chris. You somehow convinced him to go on tour and leave you alone to care for your son. He was two seconds away from quitting his job and becoming a convenience store worker upon hearing just how many months he'd have to away from you and your four year old son, who needed very much to be around his dad at that age. But you convinced him, reassured him everything was going to be okay in his absence.

"Dada's out there spreading happiness into the world." You whispered to your son, who was sleeping in the same bed as you ever since Chris left on tour.

"Like a superhero?"

"Exactly like a superhero, baby. To every single city he goes, he makes people so happy he saves their lives."

"Dada's so cool." Instead of being able to calm him down to get him to sleep, it seems your son gained energy from the conversation instead. He was now flailing his tiny limbs around.

"Do you wanna watch Dada perform?" There is a video of Chris you have saved up on your phone, from a solo stage he had during a concert where he sang a lullaby. It was the most children friendly performance you had, plus it matched the melodicity of the songs Chris used to sing to you at night to soothe your pregnancy pains.

Your son always falls asleep listening to his father's voice, almost through magic.

When his breathing evened out, you thought it was finally time you kick back and relax with an episode of your favorite show while enjoying some not-so-recommended late night chocolate. As you headed into the hallway, you spotted Chan leaning on the wall and had to glue a hand over your mouth to not scream and wake up your son.

"Chris, you scared the shi- .... heck outta me! What are you doing here?"

"We have a few days off in between stops and I couldn't just sit in a hotel for three days while I was dying to see you two."

"So you're telling me you spent 10 hours on flight, to stay here for one day and then fly back to god knows where?"

"Exactly." He says, face full of dimples and his eyes sparkle in the dark shadows of the hallway.

"You're insane." You laugh quitely.

"No, I'm... a superhero...? That saves lives...? You gotta let me know what you've been telling him, or else he might be disappointed in me when he finds out I can't fly."

"You don't need to fly to be a superhero."

"Oh yeah? Then care to tell me what makes me a superhero?" He flirts with you, gently pushing your hips into the wall behind you as he leans over you. You keep an eye on the door to make sure your son doesn't wake up and walk in to see how big of a flirt his father is. He'll have decades to cringe over it later.

"Remember when I used to feel bad for all the nice things you used to do for me? All the help and the gifts?"

"Mhm." The limits Chris used to push and how they bothered you - they resulted in a lot of friction early on in the marriage.

"And you told me that I need to allow you to make me happy. And since then... I chose to. Just how you chose me to be your wife... I chose to let you make me happy. I chose to allow you to be my hero. It's tricky, because heroes need sleep too ..." You softly caress his cheeks, and even under the dim atmosphere of the hallway you can see the dark bags under his eyes. "and they can't always save the day... but I swear to God you make the world a better place. You make my world a better place. You're my hero."

Chris leans in to kiss you in the same way he did when you were young and unmarried. It's a kiss that burns you, a kiss that makes you feel like a woman. A kiss that made you want to be married. A kiss that teaches you to breathe underwater.

"You call me a superhero when you're literally managing a house, a job, a kid, a long distance relationship, a social life and yourself all at once. And somehow nothing is on fire and you're not losing you mind even when your good for nothing husband doesn't call or text for days."

"Don't talk about yourself like that!" You slap him on the chest, but unfortunately he's not in a joking mood.

"You're the superhero between the two of us, honey. If there's one thing I've learnt along the years it's... That the reason why I chose you as my wife.. the one you were asking me about all those years ago? Maybe there was actually a reason. That you were always stronger than me."

"Me? You're joking, right?"

"Not at all. You're the hero, I'm just trying to be the wind behind your wings. I'm sorry for missing your calls and not video-calling more often, and just.. being gone in general. I've missed you." You decided to drop the subject since Chris seemed too emotional to be coherent. You weren't mad at him for anything, and he surely was undermining himself by calling you the strong one.

Unfortunately, it's not like you would accept the title of hero and he wouldn't accept it either.

The one thing you didn't realize is that you were both superheroes. But it's okay, since your son was onto you a long time ago. He'll protect your secret, and hopefully, also grow into a superhero himself.

©amelee23 do not copy, translate or repost

Check out my ko-fi if you want to consider donating!

✂️ ------------------------------

I'm back bby

Please comment and reblog, a feedback a day keeps a writer's dread at bay!

Soft hours open! Send me your fluff fantasies so we can go delulu together!

[lucedilunax]

Why are you doing this to yourself? - Q. Hughes

pairing: Quinn Hughes x girlfriend!reader

summary: Quinn's girlfriend relapsed to her old habits after his comment

warning: mentions of cheating, mentions of eating disorder, mentions of throwing up, mentions of sex (nothing graphic), swearing, angst, hurt/comfort

words: 2.4k

note: my first ever published fic!! I used a name instead of Y/N because i don't feel comfortable writing without names so sorry for that. Also, english is not my first language so apologies if there's gonna be any mistakes. I'm proud of this piece and I hope you'll enjoy reading🤍

if you are struggling with eating disorder, please talk to somebody, your family, friends or even to me, you are not alone in this!❤️‍🩹

masterlist

---

Zara never had been in a healthy relationship. Since high school times, all her boyfriends were abusive towards her. As a teenager, she got into  love-hate relationship with food. Always blaming herself and her look for not being good enough to have a partner. When she had been multiple times cheated on, she truly believed that’s because she’s fat and unattractive. The truth was that she was looking normal, like every teenage girl but her low self confidence let her believe that she’s the problem. Zara was skipping meals and when she ate something, she felt guilty and was forcing herself to throw up. When she graduated high school, she came back on right tracks. Yes, she still was struggling and had episodes of skipping meals but it got way better than it was back then.

When Zara met Quinn, she was impressed by how well spoken he is and very respectful towards her. She truly started to believe that she deserves to be loved. He was always giving her compliments and her confidence was growing. She never told him about how shitty exes she had and her problems with eating. She didn’t wanted a pity party from him. She truly believed that she’s a new person thanks to him. After a year of dating, Quinn had been named a new captain of the Vancouver Canucks. Zara was more than happy for him because she knew how hardworking person he is. Although she didn’t expected him to ask her to move into his apartment.

“Honey, I was just thinking that maybe you would like to move in to me? You already spent most of the time here and your work is closer from my place than yours. Plus with me having a new role in club, our schedules might go crazy and I want to spent every free minute with you”. Quinn casually said when they were laying on the couch watching a movie.

“It’s a huge step in our relationship Quinny… but I’m ready for it. I would love to move into your place”. Zara said and kissed his cheek.

Next week, the couple was packing Zara’s things from her place to later put them in Quinn’s apartment. Most of the things were already in his place but they still had to pick up the rest. They life living together was like a honeymoon until Quinn got into fixation about healthy food. He was always cooking for both of them and tried to keep balanced diet. Zara started having flashbacks to her life from high school, when she was trying to keep being super healthy but she said nothing to Quinn. One day, she haven’t ate breakfast because she was running late and later, completely forgot about lunch. On her way back to their apartment, she decided to buy pizza for dinner because she wasn’t in a mood for cooking. Zara ate the whole thing on one sitting finishing projects for work. When Quinn came home after the game, he saw the box. He thought she left him some of the pizza but it was just an empty box.

“Wow, you must been really hungry that you ate whole pizza and haven’t even left ma piece”. He joked, hoverer her face fell down when she realized that she ate an entire pizza this afternoon.

“Yeah, I haven’t got time in the morning to eat breakfast and later forgot to go and grab a lunch.” Zara admitted to him ashamed.

“Honey, we talk about it. You have to eat healthy”. Although Quinn meant eating three meals per day but she interpreted this otherwise.

“I know, I’m sorry”. She went to hug him and started asking him about today’s game just to change the topic.

He haven’t missed the way her face fell when he joked but decided not to mention this. Next days were hard for Zara. She had all time in her head Quinn’s words. Every evening when she was getting ready to take shower, she was looking on her body in mirror’s reflection. She started to see how her thighs got bigger and how her stomach wasn’t perfectly flat. She started to wear baggy clothes to cover her body from the world. She was also pushing Quinn away when he wanted to have sex with her. He saw those changes but he thought that she’s just overworked and tired. He haven’t asked anything but tried to be supportive as much as he could.

When Quinn had to left her for a roadie, Zara completely lost it. No one was there to make sure she’s eating proper meals. She started skipping breakfast. On lunch, she was only eating salads. When she was at home, she haven't cooked dinner. She thought that’s the best for her to started looking more attractive for Quinn.

After a week, Quinn came back home and decided to buy them takeout food from their favorite Italian place. He knew, she probably haven’t ate dinner and was waiting for him to eat together. When Quinn stepped into their place, he met unfamiliar cold. Zara wasn’t there to kiss and hug him like she was always doing when he was back from roadie. He saw her sitting in living room and watching a movie.

“Hi honey. I hope you are hungry because I bought us carbonara from the Italian place you love”. He said and kissed her forehead.

“Actually, I’m not hungry babe but feel free to eat yours. I’ll just eat it tomorrow”. She said.

“Okay. Have you ate dinner already?” He asked concerned.

“Well no, but…”

“Then take your pretty ass to the table because you have to eat”. Quinn said surprised at her words.

“I’m really not hungry Quinn”. She started getting irritated at him.

“I’m not playing with you Zara. You either gonna eat with me or I’m gonna force you to do it”. He said firmly.

Knowing that she’s in a lost position, she gave up and went to sit with him at the dinner table. She ate half of her portion and excused herself to the bathroom. In that moment, she was delighted that the bathroom is far from the living room and Quinn couldn’t hear her. Feeling the guilt of eating pasta, she forced herself to throw up. After she was done, she brushed her teeth and came back.

“I can’t eat anymore Quinny. I’ll pack the pasta and bring it to work with me for lunch". She said, knowing that she’s gonna throw the pasta to the trash the minute she leave the apartment for work tomorrow.

“Yeah, sure. What about bath together and just laying in our bed. I’m so tired”. He proposed.

“Sounds like a plan babe.” She went and kissed him.

Two days later, when Quinn and Zara were making out, he started to pull up her hoodie. She stopped him. Quinn finally decided to confront her. He was done with her not wanting to be intimate with him. He also saw that she wasn’t eating breakfast at home, always excusing herself with running late.

“What’s happening with you lately?” He asked in the nicest way he could.

“I don’t know about what you are talking about”.

“Cut the bullshit. I know you are skipping breakfast. I am not dumb not to see you always acting, like you are late and not eating breakfast when we both know it’s a lie. Also, I don’t know what I did wrong to you, but you always push me away when I try to have sex with you. So tell me, what’s happening”. He started getting mad at her with every minute.

“Quinn, I’m telling you, nothing is happening”. She was too ashamed to admit to him her problems and decided to lie.

“Fucking hell Zara. I know you for almost two years. We live together. I know you like the back of my hand. I know that something is wrong with you. You know that I’m here for you to listen and help”. He tried so hard not to yell at her.

“I’m not gonna stand here and listen to you accusations. Everything is fine!” She screamed the last sentence and left, feeling guilt for not telling him truth.

After the argument, both of them were giving each other cold shoulder. She stopped eating at all, even the salads for lunch. He wanted so hard to find out what’s going on with her but after her reaction, he decided not to push her and wait until she tell him.

Couple days later, he accidently walked into the bathroom when she was taking shower. When he saw her, Quinn thought he’s gonna cry. Her ribs was visible through her skin. She looked so skinny that it started to terrify him. He left and went to their bedroom thinking how he should ask her about it without getting into another argument.

“Hey, can we talk?” He asked unsure of her reaction.

“Sure, What’s up?”

“I saw you in the shower”.

“Oh”. That’s all she could say.

“Look, I know something is happening with you and I don’t want to push you but your body looks unhealthy. Why are you doing this to yourself?” He said not knowing where the conversation will take him. She sat quietly for couple minutes before she spoke to him.

“Can you promise me that you won’t get mad at me when I tell you?” She haven’t been looking at him, she kept her eyes on her hands.

“I promise honey”. He saw that she was playing with her nails and decided to replace it with his hand.

“I have a weird relationship with food. I’ve been struggling with it since high school. Every guy I’ve dated cheated one me and I thought it’s my fault. I started eating super healthy but when I saw it’s not getting me anywhere, I decided to skip meals. When I ate something, I felt guilty about it and forced myself to throw up. After graduation, it got better. Sure, I had episodes of skipping meals when I was triggered but it was getting better”. She said with her tears rolling down her face.

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry to hear that”. He hugged her tightly and started to smoothing her hair. After couple of minutes, he decided to ask.

“What was your trigger this time?”

“I don’t think you want to know”. Zara didn’t wanted to make him feel guilty.

“I want to know”. He said softly.

“Remember when you get back home the other day and saw the empty box of pizza?” He nodded.

“This was my trigger. When you pointed out that I ate the whole pizza and said that I have to eat healthy. I felt that you’ll find me unattractive and will cheat on me like others”. She said completely ignoring his presence. He signed, mad at himself for even saying that.

“Zara, I’m so fucking sorry for making you feel this way. It was never my intention. I was just joking but I see now how hurtful it was for you. Please forgive me”. He said with voice full of guilt.

“It’s okay Quinny, you didn’t know”.

“It’s not okay. God, I made you feel bad and I’ll never forgive myself for that”. After couple seconds, Quinn asked again.

“When I brought the pasta after I got back home from roadie and forced you to eat with me, did you… Did you throw up when you excused yourself to the bathroom?” He asked not sure if he’s ready to hear the answer. When Zara haven’t said anything, he knew how big damage he had done.

He hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead. She was crying into his shoulder when he was whispering apologies into her ear.

The next morning, Quinn made breakfast for both of them. When she saw the plate, he was fast to explain.

“I know you struggle now but I want you to eat something. I’m not gonna be forcing the full meal into you and you don’t have to eat all of it. At least try. Step by step”. She felt the love and respect in his voice and decided to bite a little bit of the toast. Before she left, he gave her paper bag.

“I’ve made you lunch. Again, I’m not forcing you but at least eat the granola bar. I love you.” He kissed her cheek.

“Thank you Quinny. Love you too.” She said and gave him a kiss.

Quinn started reading books about eating disorder and was learning everything to know how to help her and not make her feel even worst. He wanted to be the best boyfriend to her knowing that he’s responsible for her relapse into old habits. When he had time, he was preparing her favorite dishes. He made one cupboard in the kitchen with her favorite snacks. Never pushed her to eat full meals but wanted her to eat something.

When Quinn had to leave her for roadie for the first time since she told him about her relationship with food, he was scared. He didn’t wanted her to skip meals while he’s gone but he also knew that he can’t ask her directly if she ate. He decided to face time her every time he knew she was supposed to eat breakfast, lunch or dinner just to check up on her and see if she’s eating at that time.

Two weeks later, Quinn came back home and could smell a steak. He was surprised because he haven’t saw Zara in the kitchen for the past two months. The minute he entered the room she said.

“I thought you might be hungry. I’ve cooked you steak with fries”. She said and went to hug him.

“What about you honey?”

“I already ate dinner”.

“Zara”. He said knowing that she’s lying.

“I’m joking. I’ve made myself pasta with pesto”.

“Good that you have jokes on you but please, let’s not joke about it”. He said firmly.

“I’m sorry Quinny”. After seeing his reaction, she felt bad for even joking about this.

“Hey! Don’t be puffy, it’s fine. I just want to be sure you’re fed and healthy”.

“Ay, ay captain. Now let’s eat before it gets cold”. She grabbed his hand and went to the table with him. After they ate dinner, he said.

“It was delicious honey. I’m so happy you’re back on right tracks. I’m proud of you and I mean it”.

“I don’t know if I would make it without your support. Thank you for everything. I love you”. She went to kiss him but he deepened the kiss.

“Quinn I have to do the dishes, can it wait?” She asked.

“Oh hell no. I haven’t had my time with you for two months and I want to show you how much I love you and how much I adore your body. I want to make sure my girl knows that she’s gorgeous”

He lifted her up and carried her to the bedroom where they had fun all night long.

---

Thank you so much for reading! This means a world for me❤️

[i-cant-sing]

Whispers in your ear like a devil on your shoulder: you should make the Miguel O'Hara scenarios. Think of the hot dad energy he would emanate :))))))

Jokes aside, it is truly up to you what to write and I would always read it, but I am begging on my hands and knees for you to tell us the platonic yandere Miguel O'Hara scenarios you have thought of.

Nooo stooopppp girll- *puts on Miguel's theme music in the background* ahh shit here we go.

Platonic Yandere Miguel O'Hara as a dad:

Okay, so im just gonna word vomit here and yall make sense of it, but like the first thing that comes to mind when I think about yandere dad Miguel is that him kidnapping daughter reader from a universe where he doesn't exist, so he's technically not breaking canon or whatever and really, it doesnt even matter if you're his bio kid or not, like u could be a literal random civilian but if he is drawn to u, then he is. And while some of yall say "oh come on, Miguel cant be like that. He doesn't make careless/thoughtless decisions like that" I'm sorry, but is this not the same person who had the nerve to step in as his dead self from an AU and sleep with his parallel universe's wife and father someone else's kid??? Granted, they did end up dying but really, the only difference between that decision and this decision to kidnap u is to make sure that u don't end up dyingggg.

Moving on, he kidnaps u, makes up some bs about your life being in danger and blah blah blah, you HAVE to stay by his side, okay??? And at first, reader is like "umm okay?" because who tf wouldnt agree with SPIDERMAN??? (especially one who looks like Miguel? he is already giving dad vibes)

And the thing with Miguel is that he super protective (because PTSD) and he's possessive too, so the only person you're allowed to hang out with is Mayday (she is the cutest, i would die to have a kid like her ngl) because he doesnt see her as a threat (someone who could take u away from him). ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT with Miles (because he hates that kid, pain in his ass/bane of his existence) and pretty much all other spiderpersons as well because all of them are sarcastic and he does not need them rubbing off on u. The only other person he would trust u with is Peter B, probably when Miguel needs a babysitter (because u learned to mess with his tech-typy-locks and traps, so u need an actual person to keep eyes on u. curse the universe for u being smart like ur papa), and the biggest reason he does trust peter with u is because since peter is a father himself, he would definitely know that while miguel's methods are wrong, in his own way, he is protecting u, and peter b knows that he would do absolutely anything to keep his daughter safe too. Also- since peter has mayday, if he were to actually take u away from Miguel, then Miguel would 10000% kidnap mayday and use her against peter too until he inevitably has to return u to him.

Now Miguel is emotionally crippled due to his trauma, so he's not great at expressing his feelings, at least not when you're awake. When you're asleep, maybe his eyes turn a little softer, maybe he cups your cheek, some guilt and sadness swirling in his eyes when he sees your tear stained cheek (because u missed ur family. or maybe u got told off by Miguel in front of everyone), presses a soft kiss to your forehead and mumbles something in spanish ("you will understand in due time, mi hija.") Definitely has cameras in your room, so he looks at you through the screen and sighs when u flop on the bed and stuff your head in the pillow and start crying, heart slightly heavy with guilt.

Except from interacting with others and leaving the spider society/his apartment (idk where he lives), every need of yours is pretty much taken care of IF you follow his rules. If you behave, u get everything. If u yell at him, try to break out of his place etc, privileges are revoked and BAM, you are now confined to your room with no access to entertainment or any of your hobbies he allowed u to have. Those novels u liked to read? Too bad, they get thrown in the fireplace. Gaming console? Broken in his hands. Liked to cook/bake? No access to kitchen because u are now locked in your room.

Miguel has one important rule- you MUST obey him, under all circumstances, no questions asked. If he tells you to go to your room, honey go before his eyes turn sharp and he has to manhandle you. If he tells you to eat dinner with him, you need to eat food even if you are full. And if he's forbidden you from going to the locked room in his place that's full of info on you and your old fam, then its best for everyone for u to obey.

Now, while Miguel does have trouble expressing emotions (i mean, the most affection he's shown is head pats and if u are really really sad, then yes, smooches on the forehead.) but he has no trouble expressing anger and rage. If u mess up real bad, in the sense where u disobey him and end up hurting yourself (no matter to what degree), GIRL HE IS SCREAMING HIS HEAD OFF AT YOU (like the scene from the movie where he's yelling at miles). I mean, he's so mad, he legit picks you up and hauls you to your room, where he's yelling at u even more, using the terms "child" "kid" and patronising tone because you may think you're a grown up (u might even be) but he will ALWAYS view u as a kid- THE KID he lost, the child he promised to protect and somehow get redemption, or at the very least, fill the empty hole in his heart.

And since nobody thought to inform me that my man Miguel is a literal VAMPIRE and that his fangs are not just for show to attract all kinds of viewrs, we gonna talk about that as well. Does he use them on reader when she finds out that Miguel actually fucking murdered her real fam (maybe not directly kill them, because he is a hero after all. Maybe in the sense that he knew they were gonna die, you would too unless he took u away, he just didnt bother calculating the repercussions if he did indeed save your family.) and reader is now hyperventilating and trying to claw her way out of his arms but muscled arms only pull u tighter against his chest and he just bites ur neck to let the venom paralyse you long enough for him to not only offer an explanation for his actions, but also put a tracker in you and chain u to your bed.

Does Miguel's heart absolutely shatter at your body wracking sobs and distressed state as you realise you have lost your family? Yes. Does he apologise? Never. Does he like seeing you in pain? NO. Will he cause you even more pain? ...yes, if circumstances change.

Hurting you is the last the thing he's do, but its still something he would do. He wont enjoy it, but if u messed up real bad (escaped and endangered yourself) then Miguel, with a very heavy heart will snap your ankles and limit your ability to walk for months (if not for life). This is one of his harshest punishments, and punishments are immeadiately followed with comfort, so Miguel does put your fractured bones in a cast and wipes the tears from his eyes, shushing you gently as he softly explains why he did what he did, how you dont need to worry about anything because since you took your punishment so well, Miguel will help you (he will carry you around everywhere), and maybe if you're in too much pain, he may give you some drugs(or even his venom) to put you to sleep right away.

He has lost too much, too many times. His wounds are deep and still fresh, he is not taking any chances... especially not with you.

okay thats all i have for now(its a lie, i just need to pee) but feel free to send in ur asks/thoughts/scenarios.

[a-world-with0ut-dr34ms]

Ghost x Wife!Reader

Ghost watches you put your makeup on in the morning.

SFW, Extreme Fluff, Light Angst, Light Hurt/Comfort, Intimacy, Softness, Makeup, Pre-Established Relationship, Slight Self-Indulgent, Ghost and Reader are In Love, Drabble

WC: 1k~

Another drabble, just because I'm writing fluff for a different WIP and I'm trying to work out some kinks. Also, I think Ghost needs some more peaceful content every now and again from me, I be making him unhappy as hell in my other stuff.

Masterlist

"You're staring again."

Simon blinks, that familiar silk-soaked voice of yours pulling him back into the morning. He sits up from where he'd still been lying in bed, the covers sprawled across him as though he'd just woken up from a battle deep within his sleep. It's had him moving rather sluggishly since waking, though that had been no complaint by any means.

It only meant he had an excuse to spend some more time with you before work; and right now, you'd been doing a hobby of yours he's come to really enjoy watching.

You stand firmly in front of the dresser on your side of the bed, irises glued to your mirror, and a deadly grip on your liquid black eyeliner. Your eyes had been the last part of your look needing to be completed, and you'd be dammed if you fucked it up now.

You bring the pen to the corner of your eye, with the kind of precision Simon has only seen outdone by the steadiest hands belonging only to his well-trained comrades. And even then you gave them a run for their money.

With the spiritual guidance of a painter, you gently line the ink to your skin, curving it back and forth from below your brow to back towards your eyelid, until you've outlined a sharp winged look at the corners of your eyes, filling them in.

They look perfect once complete. Though, when you stare at yourself in the mirror a few seconds too long, you frown, dissatisfied.

You lift your hand up and start using your pinkie nail to scrap the parts of eyeliner you'd begun to hate. Your attention remains here primarily, though you've never had issues multitasking.

"Still staring, Si'," you comment, having felt his gaze on you since you first put your foundation on. It's hard not to notice his eyes on you, given the weight that often came with them. A weight you'd happily hold.

"Wha', I can't enjoy the view?" He jokes, no doubt feeling just a bit more awake when he sees it's made you smile.

You look down at Simon, finally setting all your makeup back down on the dresser, wide-eyed with genuine concern, "Do I look OK?"

A small, crooked smile forms on his tattered lips as he chuckles to himself. Yes, you already knew what he was going to say, or what he wanted to say: you don't need the makeup. You could have your face completely done up or covered in mud, he would still love you. He would always love you.

Though he knew now, that's not the answer you were looking for. It took a while for him to understand that; he'd yet to understand the craftsmanship that truly came with applying makeup. However, seeing how happy you looked at the end of every makeup session all but spelled out the answer you'd really been looking for.

It wasn't about looking pretty or hiding, or even due to some superficial beliefs about womanhood or whatnot. You just really liked to do your makeup. And Simon just really loves to see you happy.

If this was something that made you smile, then it would always be a welcome thing to have around.

Simon sits up on the bed, letting his sturdy legs swing over the edge and his feet touch the soft carpet below. He reaches out and takes your hand, pulling you in so he could take a closer look at your work, the man still trying to rub the sleep from his eyes.

Once comfortably boxed in by both his legs and arms, you let out a happy sigh, your gaze at eye level with him even as he still sat. Up close, with the dawn's light gently painting over his scarred skin, drawn by years of old stories he's only scarcely shared word of, he looked rather shy.

Every so often, when you traced over his skin while lying in bed, he'd oblige you with a story -- some heart-wrenching tale that only made you feel that much more endeared by him.

Sometimes he joked about wanting to wear makeup himself and cover all these ghastly sights on him. That way he didn't feel so vulnerable when your eyes would see them in all its miserable glory.

But you do what you have done since seeing them. You bring your touch to his skin, letting your fingers trace his scars' outlines and grooves, mending past traumas with your present-day love.

You look at Simon patiently, resting your hands against his broad shoulders. "Did the eyeliner fuck up the whole look?" You ask.

Simon's dark eyes bounce about your face, taking in the blush, the lipstick, the glitter and highlight, your brows, and then your eyes... His gaze sits still there, and any longer and you just might have started to feel yourself lean in.

"Hold on," his voice booms out suddenly, before he's brought his thumb to the corner of your cheek. A small bit of your mascara had dotted you, though he made sure to be as careful as possible with removing it for you. He hadn't wanted to mess up your hard work. "There you go."

He lowers his hand, taking another look at you. His expression softens, a smile forming. "Beautiful."

You smile, and it's everything and more he needed to start his day off with. Simon takes your hands, before pulling you even closer, until he's felt your lips take his sweetly.

It had been his favorite thing to start his mornings out like this, with just being able to hold you close to him, the sensation feeling as necessary as oxygen itself most days. When he'd kiss you, he only made up for that need by stealing your own breath away, his lips wrapped with yours like a sincere promise.

You cup your hands over his face, kissing him as you've felt his strong arms begin to wrap around you, pulling you into a tight embrace. It squeezes the air from you and makes you laugh in his arms, as you pull back from your kiss.

That's when your eyes go wide and you start to giggle. "Oops."

Your lipstick was now completely smeared over the man's mouth, rubbing off on his chin as though you'd just given him a newly colored five-o'clock shadow.

Immediately, Simon knows what's been done, as you're a repeat offender of this. He gives you a quizzical look and smirks. "How do I look?" He asks.

You lean back in, letting your lips feather over his.

"Beautiful."

[watchmorecinema]

Yukio Mishima has been trending this week for uh, reasons. He was a world renowned Japanese author and all of his work is overshadowed by his actions on November 25, 1970. You might not want to read more about this guy because he is horrible and disgusting, but he's utterly fascinating and the movie about him is brilliant.

He's a really interesting character, to the point that he sounds fictional. He's gay, obsessed with ritualistic death, a right wing lunatic, led a private militia that was halfway to a cult, and also was a legitimately great author. His life is covered in the film Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters and it's easily the most beautiful film I've seen in my life. Look at the stills I posted above; every frame of this movie looks like that. It's all just a series of beautiful paintings with people living in them.

The way the film is structured is that it tells the story of his life in three ways. His past is told in black and white flashbacks with static cameras. This is closer to how a movie from the 50's would look like (specifically ones directed by Yasujirō Ozu). The events of three of his books are told with this beautifully stylized look, with sets that look like stage plays. The events of November 25, 1970 is told in an almost normal fashion, with regular colors and competent camerawork. The past is nostalgic, the present is mundane and only in fantasy can you truly come alive.

Through this movie we see the ideology of Mishima coming through. His nationalism, his sexual feelings and his thoughts on beauty and death all come together. Death isn't just a violent and tragic end, it is in itself a beautiful act. Beauty is the only true goal of life and creating beauty brings honor. Growing old and ugly is an act of hate; to die at your peak is to give love back to the world. It is therefore treasonous to live long enough to die peacefully. He pities what heaven must look like now; when men died young and beautiful it was paradise, but now it is filled with old men.

This is an objectively insane way to view the world but it is also fascinating. How much of this was what he believed, and how much of it was just begging for attention? In one instance when asked why he moved to the right politically he said "because the left was full". It was a joke answer, but he clearly wanted to be in the spotlight. His shield society was a paramilitary group dedicated to living a virtuous life of beauty, honor and old ideals. It was also a group of good looking, athletic young men led by a (barely) closeted, conservative gay man. So much of his life could have gone differently but also he was pretty much in control the whole time; he was independently wealthy and revered on the world stage. He could do whatever he wanted, and apparently the way his life went *is* what he wanted.

What's special about Mishima, both in the film and in real life, is that he's a smart and eloquent guy. In films the guy with a crazy worldview is someone like Travis Bickle from Taxi Driver or D-Fens from Falling Down. Travis couldn't understand the alienation and loneliness he felt and he couldn't find any healthy solutions. D-Fens was smart enough but not emotionally strong enough to confront his problems or deal with them maturely. These are people that could benefit greatly from therapy (other examples include Joker from Joker, Rupert Pupkin from the King of Comedy, Frank Murdoch from God Bless America, Patrick Bateman from American Psycho, Tyler Durden from Fight Club and so, so many more).

These are either 20 something year olds that are lost in the world, alienated and lonely, or 40 something year olds with a mid life crisis when they realize that everything has fallen apart. People who don't know where to go, or realize it's too late to change things. Travis Bickle had basically no friends, no family, no charisma with women and a lot of rage and anger. D-Fens lost his job, his self respect and was estranged from his ex-wife and daughter. These are people who's lives are shit at best (Patrick Bateman is a bit of a subversion. He is rich and successful, but his life is completely hollow, his relationships are shallow and he personally is very, very pathetic. I need to write about American Psycho later that film is great too.).

Mishima is different. He's smart enough to understand his issues and how to find help. He's got the money and means to do so. He's famous and rich enough that he could basically get away with anything weird or eccentric so long as it was harmless. On the world stage he was a popular author, and at home he led a life of political activism. If he was unhappy he could easily find healthy ways to fix it. His self destruction was the most avoidable of any of them, yet he's the only one that existed in real life. You expect these people to have serious personality flaws and unfixable (or seemingly unfixable) problems, not to be poetic writers that adhere to healthy living and regularly journal about their emotions, while enjoying respect from their peers and fulfillment in their work.

It's a hell of a film. Paul Schrader has not written or directed anything better (he actually wrote Taxi Driver too, so he had some experience with this type of character before) and it stands out as an incredible experience to watch. Like, Mishima's life is public knowledge and you can probably guess how it went, but I've purposefully not said what happened on November 25, 1970 because I don't want to spoil it. It's an event that actually happened but it's better for you to find out via the film than some wikipedia page.

[classic-maya]

I really loved your view on when did Brian fall in love with Justin and I saw how happy you were about a qaf ask, so here I am:

when do you think britin reunited after the finale, specifically how long do you think they lived apart for AND how do you they reunited? (I couldn't bring myself to watch that episode because this is gonna break my heart) OR do you think they are not together?

I love this fandom and I love you. I’ve been wanting to write some more fic for them for a while and haven’t had the motivation, but this might spur me along.

In the meantime…I’ll start with the last episode and why I have an unpopular opinion about how it ended and then get into how I envision their reunion. 

Finale

I know there is a lot of hate for S5 finale, but I honestly love the “It’s only time” speech that Brian gives and it’s so so special to me. I feel like it is one of the most romantic lines in the show because in Brian Kinney-speak “It’s only time” is "I will always love you. I will love you just as much tomorrow as I love you today and the next day and the next and the next. I will die loving you. I will love you if you come back to me and I will love you if you never come back to me because time doesn't matter, you are the person I love and that will never change.” 

Not joking, QaF fundamentally altered my view on romantic love. I previously only thought that familial love could be unconditional, but it was such a believable representation of unconditional romantic love that it shifted my perspective. They both truly just want what is best for the other, even if that means they cannot physically be together or at times are not in a relationship. It took my breath away.

All that being said, I definitely do not think of their last scenes together in S5 as a break-up, maybe just a break. They needed to exist separately and apart from each other for a little bit. I think Brian is fairly conscious of their age gap and he never wants to hold Justin back from anything because of their relationship. We see him struggle with this throughout the series, remember him encouraging Justin to make some friends his own age, “Enjoy your youth…I sure have ;)” as well as his many attempts to get Justin to go to and finish college. Even when Justin was with Ethan, of course Brian was hurt because of the cheating, but he also didn’t hold it against Justin because he ultimately wants him to have everything he wants and desires and Brian recognized that he couldn’t give Justin that at the time (let’s Brian’s struggles with low self-esteem aside for the purpose of this conversation). On the other side, Justin loves Brian exactly how he is, and I think Brian’s sudden change of heart (i.e. declaring his love, proposing marriage, turning down opportunities to hook up with tricks etc.) scared Justin.

The two of them went through yet another extraordinary trauma with the attack on Babylon and I think the rush to get married was an extension of that, but I don’t know if either of them were actually ready for marriage. In the same way Brian is afraid Justin will wind up resenting him and their relationship if it were to keep Justin from reaching his full potential as an artist, I think Justin is afraid that if they do get married, Brian will later resent it because he was only caught up in the fear of once again losing the love of his life. But no matter what, something big did shift in a very real way for both of them and made Brian feel freer to express his love for Justin. Reunion

I think Justin moves to New York and has the exact experience he was looking for. He struggles for a bit and he hides it from Brian and his family because he wants to prove to himself that he can do it, that he can take care of himself and Brian lets him. He supports and loves his independence. I think they see each other frequently and are madly, passionately, exuberantly in love even though they live in different cities. I think Brian flies to New York every few weeks and Justin takes the bus to the Pitts every chance he gets.

The first time Brian visits, Justin picks him up from the airport and they can’t stand another moment not touching each other, so they don’t even make it home and end up having a quickie in the airport bathroom. Then Brian takes them to a hotel because he is not sleeping on Justin’s ratty second-hand mattress and letting his roommate hear them fuck their brains out for the next 48 hours.

Eventually, Justin’s art starts selling and he stops struggling. He makes a name for himself and is being flown across the country for different shows and speaking engagements. Meanwhile, Kinnetic becomes the top ad agency in Pennsylvania and begins to gain clients throughout the northeast and in New York to the extent that developing a satellite office in the city only makes sense. Brian moves to New York, not because he is following Justin, but because it has always been his dream. He sells Britin and swaps it for a penthouse in Manhattan that he puts in both their names. Justin moves in without either of them talking about it.

I see them getting married about 7 or 8 years after we last see them in the show, and this time it feels right. They go back to Pittsburgh and their chosen family, the gang and some new friends, are all there to celebrate them. I do not think they will ever choose to have a monogamous relationship. It is not what either of them want nor do they see it as a way to show their devotion to each other. Their non-monogamy looks a lot different than it did when they were younger though. They are both more intentional about the partners they choose and it’s more like the trick of the month vs the trick of the night (or even hour if you’re Brian Kinney). More often than not they wind up in threesomes or moresomes together rather than seeing someone separately. They allow the exchange of names and numbers because they feel more secure in their relationship with each other. The prohibition on kissing anyone else remains.

They don’t have kids together, but they both are in and out of Toronto with enough regularity that Gus sees them as de facto parents who helped his moms raise him. Gus often goes to New York to spend long weekends with them and in high school and college he will spend entire summers in New York with Brian and Justin.

They are the consummate New York power couple; they help each other’s business and are always attending each other’s events. They travel separately for work but always make time to leave the country and vacation together a few times a year. Eventually, they move from the penthouse to a beautiful Brooklyn brownstone and at some point, they (cover Brian’s ears) grow old together.

[wildsupernova]

and you loved me still.

summary: the memories of their summers together would haunt her for the rest of her life, always leaving her to wonder what could have been. steve never realized how important those memories were to him until he couldn’t forget it.

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader (no use of y/n)

word count: 1.7k

warnings: no warnings for this one, although i guess there’s mild angst

a/n: hey guys! yet another short song based fic after a way too long break lol. i just finished up my second year of college so everything’s kind of hectic right now, but i’m gonna try to get out some longer, non-song based fics here soon i promise. hope you guys enjoy this because i’ve been OBSESSED with this song for the past month, and if you do, feel free to comment, repost, like, whatever! any interaction helps :)

if you want to make a request for a fic, my requests are open, and i also have a prompts list linked below to make requests from as well. i’ve been talking too long, so thank you guys for reading and i hope you enjoy!

masterlist | prompts list

The aftermath of it all left her numb, even after summer was over. She wished she could get over it the same amount that she wished it would sting more, because feeling anything at all would be better than being stuck in this limbo she’d been suspended in since August ended. She couldn’t bring herself to smile, but she also couldn’t bring herself to cry, doing nothing but sitting and reminiscing about the past 3 summers they’d spent together. Every time she looked at him, every memory would replay in her mind, and then his eyelashes would blink it all away. 

They were memories she didn’t really want to forget, something that reminded her of the few times that she was really, truly happy about being stuck in Hawkins. They were the only thing pushing her through the monotony that was the first half of the semester, and the only thing that kept her sane while she was surrounded by the plain white walls of her small dorm room. 

The warm Indiana wind flowed through the spaces between her fingers, her hand tapping along to the music that played through the radio. He turned the volume dial until the sounds of guitar and drums drowned out the purr of the engine as they drove, and she mouthed along to the words almost absentmindedly. 

He was wearing his brand new Nike sneakers, still pristine white and shiny as if they’d just come out of the box. He blamed it on where they were going, told her that he could only wear his “best shoes” to go hiking in the woods on the outskirts of Hawkins, but she wasn’t stupid. He was doing it all just to show off for her, and she was eating up every last bit of it. 

He made some joke to her that she couldn’t hear very well over the radio, but she laughed anyway. He told her that he loved the way she sounded when she laughed, and she’d never forget the way he leaned over the center console and kissed her long and slow, car dipping lightly into the ditch as he did. 

Steve Harrington was absolutely untouchable in those high school years. Stubborn, arrogant, one of the most difficult people she had ever met in her life. But none of it mattered because he was King Steve, the invincible monarch that ruled over all of Hawkins high. No one dared tell him how much of an asshole he was, or how much they hated him, because one wrong move and he’d make you the laughing stock of the school until graduation. Girls fell at his feet and followed him wherever he walked, and he had picked her. 

Just for the summer, that's what they had agreed. Just one summer, that turned into two and then three. He kept every secret she had ever told him held close to his chest, never letting a single one slip out of the confines of his bedroom. He took every weakness she ever had and became it, from his stupid, perfectly styled brown hair to his honey colored eyes. He took every insecurity and flipped it on its head, always turning self deprecating jokes she made into compliments. But in the end, she just couldn’t fill the shoes he wanted her to. 

She told him she wasn’t all in, but she was. By the end of that first summer, she’d fallen so deeply in love with him that she couldn’t go one day without thinking about him, unable to look at any other guy the way she looked at him. She couldn’t be like all of the other girls before, the ones content with summer time flings and one night stands. She wanted it all, and he wanted something fun. He was the king of the jungle and she’d fallen right into her role as his prey, and the second she let her guard down, he went in for the kill.

Steve wanted to forget the past, but nothing he could do would ever make it disappear from his memory. He thought that, maybe, if he could just fall into the monotony of his job at Family Video, he’d eventually be able to forget about her, but it seemed like the more he tried to forget, the more he remembered. Trying to push the past away only made him yearn for a future where he had her again, somewhere away from all of this, her body curled up against his own while they watched all those cheesy vintage movies she loved so much. 

The thing that hurt the most was remembering their conversation of how they imagined their life would be after high school, so far removed from what their lives were like now. 

“What do you think you’re gonna do after high school?” She blinked as she looked up at him, her eyelashes tickling his jaw. “You know, when all of this bullshit is over?”

He blew out a breath through his nose.”I don’t know, never really thought about it.”

“Really? Never once thought about what you want to do with your life when you graduate?”

“I always just kind of assumed I’d work for my dad after high school, I guess.” She moved out from under his arm and rolled over onto her stomach, bare chest pressed against the mattress. 

“Okay, then if you could do anything for the rest of your life, what would it be?”

“I don’t know!” She let out a small laugh, slapping him lightly on the shoulder. 

“Come on, think! There’s gotta be something you’ve always wanted to do.”

“I guess if I had to pick anything, I’d be a teacher.”

Her eyebrows knit together. 

“Hmm.”

“See, it’s stupid-”

“No, it's not stupid! Just not what I expected you to say.” She flipped over to lay on her side, propping her head up with her hand. The blanket fell down and off her chest, and Steve had to stop himself from looking down. “What would you teach?”

“I don’t know, elementary school maybe? I like kids, so why not?”

“You want a big family, I take it?” He rolled over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. Almost instinctively, she laid her head down on his chest, hand drawing circles along his skin while he talked. 

“I guess. House in the suburbs, picket fence, 4, maybe 5, kids.” She let out a loud laugh at that. 

“5? Seriously? You better hope whoever you marry is crazy because any sane woman would stop after 2.” He smiled at that. 

“It's a negotiable number.”

He was so difficult back then, so hard to love, but she did it anyway. He did everything he could to keep up appearances, to keep every girl he knew at arms length and never let them find a way into his heart, but somehow she made it in. She wanted him even when he was that arrogant asshole who wouldn’t even throw her a glance in the hallways, who wanted to keep their summer rendezvous a secret to save his own reputation, and found a way to bring out who he really was when they were alone. He kept every secret she told him locked up in his heart even though the guy he pretended to be would have aired it all out just to hurt her. He knew every one of her insecurities and weaknesses, and she knew all of his, but in the end, she just couldn’t fit the role of what he thought he wanted. 

Just another girl to occupy his time with, another girl to spend the summer with and forget about when the next one came along. Except one summer turned into two, which turned to three, which turned to watching her drive away with all her things packed up to begin her life. She had been all in for him, and he just wasn’t ready for that. At the time, he didn’t even know thats what he’d wanted, but now that she was gone and those summers were over, he wished he had, because all he can think about is how she had been nothing more than prey to him at the time, and he’d killed any chance at the life they’d talked about so many times. A life he kept trying to tell himself he didn’t want with her.

She wondered if it was all worth it, or if it had all just been a waste of time. A waste of time that left her wondering what could have happened if she’d just been honest, if she hadn’t lied to him at the end of that third summer when he asked her if she’d agreed that all of this was just for fun. She still knew all of his favorite foods by heart, still remembered his diner order and the movies he liked to watch when his parents weren’t home. She wanted to forget about all of it, but she couldn’t.

He wondered if it was worth it, hurting her like that. She’d always tell him that it wasn’t anything more to her, that she knew this was all just something to pass the time, but he knew she’d only said it to hide how real it all was for her. He wished he’d been able to recognize how real it had been for him just a little bit sooner, because maybe then he wouldn’t have to sit here and wonder what could have been. He wouldn’t feel like every date he went on was a waste of time, because the person who knew him best was long gone. 

She’d cling to the memories of her summers with Steve like something sacred and fragile, keeping them close as a reminder of when things used to be simple. When she could lie to herself about how she felt about him and still feel like she was telling the truth, when she had that false hope that maybe they could turn into something more than a summer fling. She heard from friends back home that he was a different guy now, but it seemed he was just that guy who would always come out when they were alone by his pool on those warm summer nights. The guy she fell in love with over and over again every summer. 

Maybe, if they met again, he’d be all in for sure, but she wasn’t sure she could be this time.

[delululand]

who send that txt’s red and green flags? u r a godsent! id like to add something on red flags since we all know the members are waving green flags 🤭

sb - i think one of his red flags would be fickleness? idk if i would be able to explain it well but he mentioned before that he hates being adult because of responsibilities. based on that, i can see him expressing his feelings toward the other person but then suddenly backing out because he suddenly feels overwhelmed with the thought of responsibilities that comes with relationship. he likes the person but he might be indecisive on whether he is ready to commit or not. (Not saying this is really him but just a possibility based on what ive observed with those type of ppl)

yj - fixer. sometimes he might be too focused on fixing whatever he thinks need fixing on his partner and that can be really annoying. while his moon in libra and mars in sagittarius might help him be ‘chill’.. that leo and virgo combination is no joke.

bg -u’ve said it right. it is his pettiness that can be a red flag. also the lack of communication with manipulative tendencies! if he’s the wrong one, he will have no trouble apologizing. he’s nice that way. but if his partner is the wrong one? yea good luck. he’d disappear and will make sure to make them feel guilty for it until they’re on their knees— 😶

tyun - im inlove with him so much im willing to ignore 🚩.. kidding! look, i’ve seen his chart and a lot of his personal planets r making aspect to his sun which made me think that his ego (sun) plays a huge role in his life and will definitely be one of his red flag. rn we see tyun mature side right? but i feel like anything that will hit his ego so hard can make the vicious side of him come out. his aries mars makes him easily reactive to those things. when he’s triggered, the only way to calm him down is to leave him alone.

hyuka - low self-esteem. among the members, he’s the one with a really low self esteem (all of them have but his goes deeper) im not gonna explain much other than it’s not really pleasant with these type of ppl. u gotta be strong or else they’ll drag u down with them. he’s a leo.. a leo with a healthy self esteem r the best and i know that hyuka will eventually get there.

that’s all. i dont think im able to explain my thoughts well😭 but lemme know what u think?

+ anyways i truly miss reading ur posts! and saw that enhypen’s post too! i love it!! would it possible to request one for txt too? thank u 😄

- ur fellow intp 💙

OMGGGG I WANNA SAY SO MUCH

first i love your mind soooo much, second you’re so good in astrology

i absolutely agree with your opinion about soobin, this is one of the things that I thought about but couldn’t articulate it. in my opinion he is quite mature and he is the leader of the group which makes him mature even more, but it seems like that is enough for him? like, on the one hand, it’s not that he’s not mature for a relationship, but rather he’s just not ready to take responsibility yet. + he said that he is not the kind of person who would lead a relationship or plan something and therefore would just agree with everything that his girlfriend wants, but this is also literally an abdication of responsibility to some extent. so, in my opinion, he either doesn’t want to take on extra responsibility because he’s tired of responsibility at work, or he’s not ready for it due to his young age, or he’s just that kind of person (but actually i think it affects everything together and may change with age, like i don’t think that he will be a person who will become a super leader in a relationship, but at least he will be okay with the responsibility that comes with the appearance of a relationship)

yeonjun yes and beomgyu absolutely yes. if he has a fight with his partner and the partner says something offensive to him, they won’t get away with just an apology, and for some reason i think that if it really hurt him, he would remember it every time in all next fights. and also sometimes he likes to do something like checks? like that time when he blocked taehyun to see if he would come to wish him a happy birthday

taehyun yes too and + soobin said that taehyun often gets offended that he doesn’t share his feelings and this can also be in some ways a red flag for people who have difficulty sharing feelings or who just don’t like it

speaking of kai, i understood what you mean and this is really true, but it is in him that it manifests itself as not being so burdensome for other people? like i mean my work in korea was partly related to this area and i could see and sometimes communicate with different musicians/actors/dancers and other media personas and one of the most surprising things is when you look at them you think “wow this person is so cool, they are beautiful, they are smart, they are interesting personas, they have good singing/dancing/whatever skills” but when communicating with these people, most of them have very low self-esteem but they don’t seem to focus on it. i don’t know how to explain this more correctly, but it’s like the difference between people who due to low self-esteem really pull people around them to the bottom and people for whom it’s like something background that you might not even recognize right away. but idk whatever i hope kai can handle with this and it seems he has already changed for the better

and thank you so much for writing this!!! if you don’t mind i’ll leave a link to this in main post, people should see this too!

[wandering-winchesters]

Not yourself

Pairing: Dean x Reader Word Count: 2,203 Summary: The reader has been feeling off, ever since a nasty encounter with a demon. Trigger Warnings: Panic attack, self hatred, swearing. Mostly fluff. Requested: No

A/N: Requests are open! I really hope you enjoy this, my anxiety has been bad recently so writing about the things that bring me comfort has helped.

Masterlist

Ever since Dean and I had started dating, some days were easier than others. When the voices in my head were quieter. The anxiety coursing through my body was not as strong. I didn’t feel jittery, I could focus on the tasks at hand and not want to spend all day in bed. Yet there were still bad days and today was one of them. Today, I was miserable. Anxiety tearing my every thought to shreds, making every task seem insurmountable. Instead of coming out as fear and sadness however, it was displayed as anger. Every little thing was pissing me off, breaking a plate, spilling my coffee and Dean making the wrong joke. All of these ended in outbursts of swear words coming from me. I couldn’t handle it today and the boys could tell. They’d both given me my space since the coffee incident, making up excuses to dismiss themselves to different rooms of the bunker. I didn’t blame them, if they were acting like me, I’d get it. I’d do the same thing. But that didn’t make handling my anxiety today any easier, not that it was their job to fix me, but they certainly helped. Some Days it was just easier to be mad at the world, instead of facing the real problem. The last couple of weeks had been miserable, but I had been trying my best to keep it internalized. 

Ever since the last hunt I had been on, two weeks ago, my thoughts had been hell on earth. It had been a difficult hunt from the get-go. What we thought was a vengeful spirit turned out to be a Demon. It had cornered me, separating me from the boys, even though they fought like wildfire to get to me, they couldn’t until the demon let them in. He had read my innermost thoughts, using them to get to me. He had taken all of my worst fears and brought them to life. All of the negative thoughts I had ever had about myself, something he voiced to me. Reaffirming them to be true. Sam and Dean didn’t need me, I was a burden, they were better off without me. My parents never wanted me, I was a mistake, I was worthless. Dean didn’t love me, he was with me out of pity. All of his words cut me like a knife, my soul in pieces before him. I had fallen for his tricks and he almost took me. I didn’t realize I had been screaming, until Sam and Dean finally entered the room, ensnaring him in the trap that they had set, and exorcising him. I remained in the corner of the room, helpless and useless. Dean had run to my side, the second we were safe. His arms becoming my safety net, yet I hated every second of it. The demons words repeating within my mind, over and over again. I had begun to shut them out, figuring that if they truly hated me, it wouldn’t matter. They wouldn’t notice until it was too late and I could slip away without any difficulty. I stopped going on hunts with them, making up excuses each time they asked. I could tell by the looks that they gave me that they weren’t convinced, but they didn’t push me. 

I am snapped from my thoughts by the clatter and splash of water, following me knocking over my cup of water. 

“Fucking hell,” I mumble, quickly wiping up the water I had just spilled all over the book of lore that I was studying.

“I don’t think hell has anything to do with that, Y/N.” Dean says, when I glance over at him he’s got a soft smile on his face, concern also imminent in his features. I don’t answer, focusing back on the mess that I needed to clean up. He offers help, but I decline. Already using the I had grabbed, to wipe up what water I could before laying the book flat to dry. I can feel Dean’s eyes on me the entire time, waiting and watching, for what I’m not sure.  

I’m about to brush past him into the hallway when he stops me, his hand gently grabbing my wrist. 

“Hey.” He says, turning to face me. “What’s going on in that head of yours? It’s obvious that you’re not doing too hot.” His voice is soft, his face shows concern and all that does is make me angrier.

“You haven’t seemed like yourself recently.” He continued, his eyes pleading with me to open up and let him in. Yet, I knew that if I stopped and talked about it, I would break down. I simply didn’t have the mental energy for that right now, so remaining angry was the only way I could handle things right now. I brushed him off, muttering a quick I’m fine and walked away heading towards our shared bedroom. I stopped in front of the door and debated going inside, but decided I’d rather be alone. So I continued down the hall to the room that used to me mine, I locked the door behind me and press my back to the wall. For the first time today I’m surrounded by complete silence. No music, no talking, nothing at all, yet the silence is overwhelming. I can feel the anger creeping away and sadness and anxiety washing over the empty spaces it leaves behind. 

I close my eyes, embracing the wave as it comes. I can feel the panic building inside of me making it more difficult to breathe or think. I find myself sliding down to the ground, my feet planted in front of me, my back pressed flush to the wall behind me. My head is spinning, thoughts screaming past like a car on a racetrack, circling around and around, unescapable. I can feel tears forming, hot and heavy, streaming down my face. I rest my elbows on my knees and cradle my head in my hands. Praying that this doesn’t turn into a full blown panic attack, but all the signs are pointing that way. I am so focused on trying to control my breathing and silence the sobs that are leaving my throat, that I am completely blind to my surroundings. Which is how I missed Dean knocking on the door, panicking when he tries the door knob and finds it locked. I don’t hear his threat to break it down if I don’t open the door. I don’t hear him follow through with his promise. I don’t realize he’s there, until his hands are pulling my own away from my face, his lips moving but his voice silent to me. I look at him confused, unsure how he got to be sitting criss-cross in front of me, pulling at my body. Slowly, ever so slowly, I can hear his words breaking through the roaring of the waves within my head. 

“Y/N, you’ve got to breath, baby. C’mon, with me, copy me.” He says, his eyes frantic but his tone calm. His hands cradling my own, resting one against his chest so I can feel it rising and falling. I take a shaky breath, my lungs screaming in protest, pure agony. They feel constricted, like someone is squeezing them to exhale while I try to force an inhale. 

“Can’t.” I choke out, my throat on fire. I am trembling, the kind of shaking that changes the way you speak, uncontrollable and inconsolable. Dean takes another look at me and without asking, he pulls me into his lap. My legs crossed behind his back, my thighs on his hips. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull myself into him as much as I possibly can, desperate for relief. His arms are wrapped around me, his hand finding my hair and rubbing his fingers against my scalp. His touch soft and calming, his voice echoing the same sentiment. Our chests are pressed together, forcing me to copy his breathing pattern, which is ever so slowly calming me down. I finally manage to take a full breath and almost sob in relief. I can feel Dean relax against me slightly, his concern lessening as my ability to breathe normally returns. 

“You’re okay, I’ve got you. I’m here sweetheart, I’m not going anywhere.” His words hit me hard, I want them so badly to be true, but I can’t bring myself to believe them. We sit in silence for awhile, our bodies intertwined. I don’t dare to break the silence, not really wanting to explain the reasoning behind my actions today. I know he is going to ask, he’ll want an explanation and I can’t blame him for that. I just don’t really want to give him one. He pulls back slightly, just enough so he can see my face. He wipes away the tears on my cheeks, his eyes searching my own for any non verbal explanation, but I look down at the floor not wanting to make eye-contact with him. 

“Baby, please. What’s going on? Please let me in.” He whispers, his voice tugging at my heart, he sounds almost broken. I sit silently for a minute, anxiety bubbling up within me once more. I close my eyes and consider the options before me, I can lie to him, or tell him everything. I choose the latter, my voice speaking before my brain can even process what’s happening. 

“That demon, the last hunt I went on. He got inside my head, he took all of my darkest thoughts and fears and put them on display before me. He affirmed all of my biggest fears.” I said, brushing away the tears that had begun to form again, unwilling to appear any weaker in front of him, any weaker than I had moments before. 

“What fears, baby girl?” He asks, his eyes still trained on me, watching my every action. 

“That you and Sam hate me and think I am a burden. He told me that you didn’t really love me, that you were only with me out of pity. He told me that I really was worthless, and that everything he said was true and that he had read your thoughts.” My voice fails me and tears begin to fall again. Dean is quick to respond, his hand comes up to cup my cheek and I immediately lean into his touch. He presses a kiss to my lips, strong and meaningful. It isn’t until I look up at him, that I realize he has tears in his eyes. 

“Sweetheart, that couldn’t be further from the truth. I love you, I don’t pity you. Sam and I don’t hate you and you are the furthest thing from a burden. You’ve been carrying this around for the last two weeks?” He asks, and all I can do is nod. I sniffle and he sighs, resting his forehead against my own. 

“Y/N, next time you’re having these thoughts please just tell me, baby. It breaks my heart to know that you’ve been carrying this around for the last couple of weeks, no wonder you’ve been distant.” I am a little taken aback at his words, honestly believing that he hadn’t noticed a difference. 

“You noticed?” I ask, trying to hide the surprise in my tone but he notices immediately. 

“Of course I did, Y/N. Believe it or not, I know you like the back of my hand. I didn’t want to push you, but it was tearing me to pieces because you wouldn’t tell me what was bothering you. I just wanted to help you.” He says, pressing kiss to my cheek, soft and gentle. I lean into him once again, resting my head on his shoulder and inhaling deeply. My body is exhausted, from lack of sleep and the panic attack that had surged earlier. 

“I love you, De. I am so tired.” I whisper, relishing the peace that has replaced my inner turmoil. I can feel him relax against me, his hands rubbing gentle circles in my back. 

“I love you more, Y/N. Wanna go watch a movie in bed and snuggle?” He asks and I nod, my arms squeezing him tighter.

“But only if you carry me, Winchester.” He laughs, but silently agrees. 

Thats exactly what we do, he carries me to our room and sets me gently on our bed. He tosses me a pair of his sweatpants and one of his flannels, knowing I am most comfortable when wearing his clothes. I pull them on, while he grabs his laptop and gets situated in bed next to me. We jokingly bicker about what movie to watch before he points out that the whole point of this is for me to fall asleep while watching, I concede and he puts on some action movie. I don’t complain however, knowing that it will keep him entertained while I sleep. He pulls me against his side and I intertwine my legs with his, resting my head on his chest. My arm wrapping around his middle and completely sinking into his embrace. I let my eyes flutter closed, my senses overwhelmed by his presence in the best way possible. 

[szollibisz]

Curt, 2 & 12

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

Ok so I don't know if I've expressed this before, but I like how he's really just a well-written gay character? Like in the sense where, yes his whole life is defined by his sexuality and the time period he lives in, but he's also really complex otherwise and the homosexuality is never played for a joke, in a mean sense. Like even when he displays stereotypically gay behaviours ("it didn't match my outfit" all of the safehouse scene etc), it may be silly, but it's never made to come off as weird. I assume most of this is thanks to Corey, both in the writing and directions, so I'd just like to state how grateful I am for that and that he is a national treasure. Also big props to Curt on the acting front obviously, he never takes the gay stuff in a satirical direction, and thanks to him even in the over the top world of a musical the character feels grounded in reality.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Well that's literally what my entire account is, isn't it

But uhhh let's see: he destroys every relationship he has if the other person lets it. That's why every person we see in his life is equally as stubborn as him (if not more) The only people he can keep in his life are the ones who are controlling enough to make him stay (Owen, Cynthia, his mom, hell even Tatiana) because otherwise if he feels himself or the relationship slipping he will go into self-destruct mode and ruin as much of it as he can, in order to save himself from the heartache of being left behind.

This includes stuff like overly reckless behaviour (that sometimes veers into unintentional self-harm territory), picking fights, sleeping around, picking fights (physical) etc. I like to think he did all of this while with Owen, since obviously a relationship with circumstances like theirs rarely feels completely secure. Owen on the other hand is the world's most obsessive bitch and the only thing he could truly hate Curt for was leaving him for dead. Truly a match made in hell

[autisticzenitsu]

i want to clear the air, so this is the last you'll ever hear from me. i don't hate zenitsu because he's autistic-coded; far from it, actually. i just think he (and most others in the demon slayer cast tbph) is a poorly written character. in fact, if he's truly meant to be autistic representation, then then it makes the way he's treated and handled in the story that much worse to me. his meltdowns and otherwise dysregulated behavior are used largely for the sake of a punchline and -with the exception of tanjiro and maybe inosuke- the people around him either see him as a joke or are otherwise baffled by his existence, which is also used for comedy and not to make him feel like a sympathetic character. he's the butt of many a joke and that's about it, save for the few moments that buck that trend and make him more sympathetic. and while every character in demon slayer is about as deep as a 14 year old's self-insert sonic oc, zenitsu hasn't really shown much personal growth since his introduction, something he himself explicitly acknowledges in season 4. as a fellow autistic who to an extent also struggles with emotional regulation, i found his character personally insulting sometimes, so i think he's bad representation. if you love him, that's great and i love that for you, but he doesn't do it for me. to further clarify, i've only seen the anime and don't have any interest in the manga or light novels, and since that's going to be representative of most people's experience with this story, it bears mentioning because it will form the basis of their opinions as it has mine.

i want to apologize for causing you emotional distress in the first place by posting character hate in a fandom tag. i have actively avoided fandom spaces for over a decade, preferring mostly to just enjoy stories on my own and only occasionally post about them, so i broke one of the cardinal rules of engagement, and i'm sorry. it and my follow up ask were immature of me, so i apologize for that too. i hope you can understand a bit better where i'm coming from, even if we don't or won't see eye to eye on this. take care, and i hope you have a good rest of your week <3

Okay, thank you for that.

I'm not gonna touch the "poorly written" thing because bad/good writing is subjective, like all art is.

I really don't think he's treated as a punchline? Sure, some of his traits are played for laughs, but that can be said about Tanjiro's autistic coding. And Inosuke's autistic coding. And Muichiro's autistic coding. And Giyuu's autistic coding. And autistic coded characters from other media. (For what it's worth, I don't think Zenitsu's autistic coded on purpose; autistic coded characters rarely are).

Zenitsu IS seen as weird by other characters in canon, I'll give you that, but that's...reality for autistic people. It's not just Tanjiro and Inosuke who treat him decently, either. Shinobu treats him decently. While Aoi gets annoyed by his refusal to take his medicine, she doesn't treat him as less of a person, either. Kyojuro didn't treat him poorly. Jigoro didn't treat him poorly and loves him dearly. I'd honestly take far more issue with his portrayal if his friends and surrogate family found him impossible to deal with and acted like they barely tolerate him. But they don't.

(This is also Taisho era Japan; even in modern times, I think Zenitsu would get treated poorly by most people due to his autistic traits).

As an autistic person, I saw him and was like "he's just like me fr" and found a lot of comfort in his character. Granted, I'm also fully aware that if I were a fictional character, I'd be considered bad autistic rep.

I also appreciate that he WANTS to change, but has a hard time doing so, which is pretty realistic, imo.

I don't agree that he hasn't shown much personal growth, either. He grows a bit more confident and brave after season 1, he stands up to Daki while knowing she was a demon, and he can handle solo missions now. Also, his arc isn't over yet. But again, art is subjective, so to each their own.

I appreciate where the apology, and I do think I understand where you're coming from. I hope you have a good rest of your week, too!

[leventart-den]

Interactive ZoSan fanfic. Ch.01

AN:

Hello dear Straw Hearts!

So here we begin our journey with the first chapter of the interactive ZoSan fanfic. Please remember that I am not a writer and English is not my native language. But I will try and I hope we all have fun. I have some ideas but your choices are what decide where the story goes. In the vote, you chose that our story will take place in the canonical One Piece setting. But since I have not yet seen many events and am not familiar with all the characters (I only just met Brook in the anime at the time of writing this but I happily spoiled some things for myself so I know roughly Sanji's story), my vision may conflict with canon. There may also be spoilers here, so be careful. This first chapter is just setting up the scene.

 If you prefer to read on AO3, then the first chapter is here.

This is also beta-readed by wonderful @dad-cahoon ! Thank you so much for your help!

So, without further ado, buckle up and let our journey begin!👀

***

-= My 4am Sun =-

Ch.01 "Distraction and consequences"

Sanji really thinks that Zoro will be the end of him one day. One way or the other. He's such a distraction. And he doesn't even know about it. And Sanji would never tell him. His sword work is blinding. Every time it catches the light and the glare hurts his eyes and Sanji hates it. He hates how it makes him freeze and silently demands “look at me.” 

Look at me. 

Look.

And Sanji looks.

Because he can't not.

And he stares.

Because no one really knows but Sanji loves.

He loves endlessly all the big and small things in this world that he finds beautiful. And now he loves how the 4am sun embraces the swordsman and grazes the steel of his swords. It stole the breath away from him in the same way it did on that momentous day when Zoro took a blow from Mihawk with his arms open and his gaze determined. Something shifted in him that day. Something sparkled and he treasures it still, keeps safe deep in his heart. Sanji will never admit it but Zoro became someone special to him that day. Someone he looked up to and strived to become in some way. Zoro was strong, passionate, and a man of his word. He was ready to follow his dream no matter what. Sanji was the same in some parts. Objectively speaking he was strong and passionate himself, but he always lacked self confidence. He always sought so much less of himself. Although It was always compensated for by him trying his best. And actually doing his best no matter what circumstances he was in (no, we are not talking about his weakness for women in this house). But nevertheless, Sanji was almost always blind to his own achievements. He never praised himself, even a little, and took the praise of others as if it was the biggest treasure. He never thought of himself as deserving anything good but still he dreamed of kindness and love and friendship.. 

And he always wanted to be friends with Zoro. And after all these years, he kind of thought they were. Even though from an outsider's view their friendship looked more like hatred, in reality it was just rivalry and they both loved it, at least Sanji thought Zoro liked it too. 

Sanji enjoyed their bickering and fights, he truly did. But there were times when he could get tired of it. In those moments he really wished they could have a “calm” friendship. Sanji tried from time to time to guide their relationship in that direction, but Zoro never got the message. It always ended up with sharp jokes, insults, or fights and every time Sanji–with an inner sigh–followed Zoro's lead. 

But also Zoro sometimes surprised Sanji by looking weirdly happy, or even proud when seeing the cook coming to the fight scene. It really throws Sanji off every time because he doesn't know what to think of it. It is too weird. And other times Sanji thinks that Zoro may even care for him. Like that time on the sea train when Zoro screamed at him to not go along further and wait for them because it was too dangerous. Of course it was turned into a joke in the end, but nevertheless. And if Sanji would be honest it drives him crazy every time. Every time he thinks they may have their “ordinary friendship” moment, Zoro snatched it away as fast as his swordwork. And once again Sanji sighs and goes along. Although to be fair, Sanji himself often starts the fight or bites first so he has nothing to complain about, really. Right?

Right.

So, he's completely okay with not having a normal friendship with the stupid mosshead.

It's only fair, he thinks. And dives down at the last moment, barely avoiding a killing blow from the enemy. It's a really bad idea to be distracted right now, in the middle of the battle on the deck of their ship. Sanji was actually starting to feel tired, and not only him, judging by the way others were fighting. The attack happened suddenly, late at night. A huge ship appeared as if out of nowhere, fortunately Zoro, who was on watch, quickly raised everyone. Their opponents were fast and tiring. And there were many of them. Although the entire attack was strange, as if they had a specific goal unknown to the Straw Hat Pirates. And their captain hasn't even shown up yet. They were also terribly silent, making the atmosphere of the battle sickeningly depressing and oppressive. Sanji and everyone else were used to the fact that their opponents were usually loud, demanding attention to their person, no matter how deadly, the atmosphere was almost always like a chicken coop fight. Noisy, bright and reckless. That's probably why Luffy loved these moments so much. He had a lot of fun, of course, when the situation wasn't life-threatening for his nakama. But now even their captain looked out of place. 

Suddenly, Sanji felt a long-forgotten but familiar chill running down his back. That kind of dark anxiety that cannot be explained because there is no reason for it.. But nevertheless, something inside begins to scream heart-rendingly, “run!”

And perhaps Sanji would have run, if in the next moment he had not felt a firm push of someone's palm to his back. Everything around seemed to freeze for a moment, for one painful heartbeat. The place where palm touched felt numb, but after a moment there was a tingling spreading throughout his body along with an increasing ringing in his ears. His head started to hurt. For a second he thought something had snapped inside him and a terrible heat exploded. He couldn't even scream.

He took a breath.

And blinked. 

And time seemed to rush forward again, drowning him in a cacophony of sounds

He felt confused. What just happened? Where was he? What was he doing?… Why is it so light already?

He almost jumped out of his skin when he heard a familiar voice next to him.

"Hey Sanji! I'm terribly hungry, can you cook something? No, not something, meat! A lot of meat!" Luffy slapped him on the shoulder as he passed by, making him step forward from the force of the impact. He shouldn't have though. Of course, their captain was many times stronger than any of them, but such a movement should not have moved Sanji so easily. He almost lost his balance. He felt shaken.

He blinked again, gritting his teeth and realizing that there was no cigarette in his mouth. He couldn't light a new one though. Not now, when his hands are shaking so much, hastily hidden in his pockets.

He looked around. Everyone went in different directions. The battle was over, they were moving away from the smoking ship of the unknown pirates behind them. Judging by the sun, it was now about eight in the morning. He lost time.

He lost time.

Sanji swallowed nervously. He should think about something else. He can't spiral  now. He can't fall apart. Not here where everyone can see him. He must be just tired... There is no reason to worry and especially no reason to give others reasons to worry. It sounded stupid even in his own head, but he has no choice but to persuade himself like this at such moments. He has a lot of practice. He just needs to hold on a little longer. 

And he will. 

He always does.

He exhaled, glad that Luffy did not wait for his answer and apparently did not notice his confusion. He will think about everything later, but now he needs to get to breakfast. Everyone is probably terribly exhausted and needs to replenish their strength. Sanji would make them the best breakfast he could. Something from rice. And not at all because the stupid Marimo loves rice dishes. Again. Sanji will never admit it, but he loves to surprise that stupid swordsman. He feels it as a small victory and grins proudly every time he sees that he likes his food.

He thought to himself as he walked to the kitchen and desperately tried to ignore the trembling which threatened to take over all of him. Nervousness was creeping through his entire body and as soon as the door to his personal temple slammed shut, hiding Sanji from prying eyes, he leaned against it wearily, hastily taking out a new cigarette and lighting it. It took him several attempts before a small flame touched the tobacco tip. He took a drag and exhaled, closing his eyes and resting the back of his head on the wooden surface.

He lost time. A few hours. What happened at that time? Has he passed out? Is he even awake now? No, no. He can't go there. He will drive himself crazy. He can't afford it. He must trust his crew. If he's passed out and it's a dream, they'll wake him up. If not, then to hell with it. Whatever happened during the lost time is not so important if no one asked him about it. 

As if in mockery, the hand mark on his back reminded him of itself with an already familiar numbness, as if someone else's palm was still touching him. It was disgusting.

"Fuck." His hand hit the wall before he even thought about what he was doing. He desperately tried to convince himself that everything was okay, but the truth is that he is scared to the guts. Sanji takes a breath and relaxes the fingers that he hadn’t noticed he had clenched into a fist.

Okay…

Okay.

Breakfast.

Taking another drag from his cigarette and exhaling through his nose, Sanji determinedly headed to the countertop, gathering the necessary ingredients as he went. After washing his hands, he took out a cutting board and a knife, forcing his hands to stop shaking, feeling the pressure in the back of his head starting to build up again. It made his ears ring disgustingly. He ignored it, clenching the cigarette between his teeth and starting to chop the vegetables. He will do what he should do. For what he became a member of this crew. Sanji would not allow himself to be a burden or a problem for this team. For his team, he corrected himself. Because he's part of it. He should not forget or deny it, even if at times he considers himself unworthy. 

His knife made the first “knock”, cutting through the vegetables and connecting with the board. 

It sounded oddly muffled.

He blinked.

Sanji watched dumbfoundedly as something was burning in a frying pan. He choked on his breath, dropping the extinguished cigarette from his mouth and hurried to turn off the heat, putting the frying pan aside. Feeling the world shift from the sudden movement, he hurried to grab the countertop to steady himself. A cold shiver ran through his body, his heart was pounding wildly, and his bones and muscles ached as if he had just taken a severe beating. Sanji sucked in a raspy breath, watching with incomprehension as dark blood dripped onto the surface of his precious kitchen, staining it. He touched his face, feeling the warm stickiness running down his lips and chin. 

This was wrong. 

He never bled out of the blue.

Sanji heard laughter coming from somewhere outside and winced. He hurried to the sink, washing the blood from his face and then wiped the countertop with a napkin, tossing it in the trash and throwing the scraps on top. 

He almost sank to the floor after that, but kept himself on his feet, making an incomprehensible quiet whining sound through his teeth, full of anger and something deeply painful. 

He felt weak. 

Again. 

He didn't understand what was happening or why. 

He will be a burden to them. 

He did not want that. 

Fucking hell. 

He didn't want it.

His eyes stung, but he took a breath. He must stop.

Breakfast.

He looked around the kitchen. Everything was ready, all that remained was to set the table.

Whatever happened to him during the lost time, his body apparently continued to work. That was good.

A small mercy.

He took another breath and lit another cigarette. His body ached, but felt calmer. It felt as if it was healing. Maybe it was. 

Okay.

He will set the table, get through breakfast and then decide what to do.

He's not weak. Not anymore. He can handle it.

Sanji felt something was torn somewhere in his body, he felt cold. He spat the blood into the sink and washed it off with water. 

He'll get through this, damn it.

.

.

.

TBC.

====================================

If you made it to the poll you probably read the chapter, so thank you for that!

It's time to decide where the story will go next! Keep in mind that some choices may lead to similar results just in a different way.

[mrgaretcarter]

Everything I enjoyed about Ted Lasso 3x10

It was so exciting to watch them announce the players that got into their national teams

Laughed at Ted not knowing Bumbercatch is swiss

Appreciated the whole team being there for Sam when he was snubbed

I genuinely laughed out loud at all the jokes to do with Dani's personality change

When it cut from the title sequence to ted sitting down with rebecca for biscuits with the boss i really thought it was for real gonna be an OG one but then they panned to trent and i was disappointed but i couldnt even be mad because it was so funny

Ted is a LIAR we have seen him gossip so many times he is such nosy biddy 🤣

Trent loving getting a good grade in girl talk was so funny and cute!

"So chaps, what do we think?" was such a fun line to me for some reason

All 3 of them going "Nah" and making the same face, so fun!

Ted was saying such nonsense for the rest of that scene and they made sure to show us Rebcca's reactions to every single one and she looked so fond every single time

Of course Rupert is saved on Rebecca’s phone as "The Devil" she is so insane

I loved Keeley's green skirt suit

I laughed at Beard's 17 throwing axes that he brought to the UK with him 🤣

"Sneaking in here today reminded me of the first match I ever saw at Nelson Road." "Ah, when they used to play by candlelight." 🤣🤣

I was SO happy to see Phoebe, then happier still to see her mum! And Jamie is totally right, she is fit

That whole scene was an absolute delight, filled my heart with joy, the England kit! the E for U swap! the tie dye shirt with Roy colors! One thing I can say about this season is that things do tend to go great when Jamie is involved

I laughed at the doomed handshake at Sam's restaurant, he was so resigned to his fate 😅

Nate breaking into his parents house in the middle of the night because he felt lonely and lost reminded me of 13 Going on 30

I was happy to see Rebeccas Amsterdam pants again! Especially with that purple blouse 💜

I love that Higgins knows Keeley, Ted and Sassy are Rebecca's top options in that order and that this is unquestionable

Higgins' comparing Akufu to the Chocolate Factory kids was both very accurate and very funny 😆 "I hate to break it to you Rebecca, but those children are dead."

I really liked Rebecca being insecure about the meeting because she knows she's only been invited as a token. It felt true to life and also reminded me of a favorite moment from a beloved show of my past, The Good Wife, where a character expresses a similar concern and gets much the same advice as Higgins gave

I really thought Rebecca was taller than Higgins' office door and was momentarily scared she was going to bump her head on the way out 😆

I liked Keeley and Mae's conversation, though I, much like Keeley, did not understand the lightning saying 😅 did appreciated the little "Maybe" joke though, it felt like something Ted would do and I always love to perceive them mirroring each other

Everyone noticing Roy's cheerful t-shirt was very funny

I loved that we saw Rebecca studying for the meeting

THE!! TOY!!! SOLDIER!!!!!! She's been carrying it around!!! She is fond of it!!!!! She treats it with such care, and it still brings her strength, gosh!! To think of the moment she picked it up off the ground and stored it away, of whenever it was she decided to keep it with her as an amulet!!! I'm breathless!!!!!!!

Kenneth saying "twins" to Roy lmaooo

The fact that Rebecca has panic attacks is something that can be SO PERSONAL that meant so so SO much to me, I could cry just thinking about it, I've always been sure she did and to have it confirmed was a thrill, and so emotional and satisfying to me to see her self soothe and how it paralleled Ted, truly beautiful gorgeous amazing

Ms Bowen is blonde now! Idk why but that was exciting, I like her! I think Roy should introduce her to Beard, I feel like she could beat up Jane. It was also hilarious to me that they named her Leann for real 🤣 they have no shame!

Barbara's Juicy couture tracksuit and "I like clothes that tell the truth" LMAOOO COMEDY GOLD

Barbara and Keeley's snow globe exchange was delightful. Barbara slowly grew on me throughout the season and was a true highlight in this particular episode, I was very glad that she chose Keeley.

I love that Rebecca went to that meeting in a bbp top and one of her less murderous earrings

I appreciated seeing Rebecca in a professional setting, taking a stand, and going to bat for the club and for football in general, it's something I have always longed to see from her and I'm glad I got it even if it was late in the game

Really liked that Nate plays the violin

I liked the window into Rupert and Rebecca's past and the glimpse into why they were in love once

I liked the contents of Roy's letter to Keeley and thought it was funny that she couldn’t read his handwriting

It was exciting to see Rebecca at Keeley's house! She demanded a hug! She's going to fund Keeley's firm! Their friendship has stayed beautifully consistent throughout the season and I appreciate that.

Keeley writing down the number and saying "This is how they do it in the movies" was another Ted-like moment (down to Rebecca being endeared by it!)

I enjoyed the joke of Roy walking in when he did and I loved loved loved that he and Rebecca saluted each other again! I'd been waiting for that!!

I think Nate's apology to Will - how he did it, the score, the note with the sprig of lavender, how it was filmed - felt like such a season 1 moment that it filled me up with this sense of right-ness and I truly appreciated it. Possibly one of the best moments of the season 🥹

Rebecca looked so at peace hanging that painting and also SO beautiful in that dress

Ted sat down without being invited, and Rebecca scooched a little closer once he did 🥹🥹

She specifically wanted to tell him about this big emotional milestone and Ted looked? I have no idea how to describe it, but it was new, it was a face he's never made before, and it was so?? I don't even know, I don't know what to do with it, or with "I wanna win for us too."

Rebecca is truly insane for spitting on his face on purpose like that lmao

Aaaand that's it! I liked a lot of the bits and pieces of this episode as you can see, and I had a mostly good time while watching it. There were a couple big things that bothered me though, but I'll save those for a different post later in the week once I've gotten a chance to collect my thoughts!

[remyfire]

I don't know if I'll keep this post up because this is not what any of y'all are here for, but I have to get it out somewhere. This is just a lot of gritted-teeth venting, so if that's not your style, scroll on, I love you, I hope you see a cat photo soon.

Truly every day of my life I find myself gritting my teeth when I see another joke or article or post or anything at all about booktok romance novels, that specific style of book cover, the disdain about promotional graphics like trope maps, that whole kerfluffle because I just! Wanna be like. Hey guess what! None of us wanted things to go that way either!

Like it really is remarkable sometimes to remember how readers don't necessarily get to see us smaller romance authors gritting our teeth and bitching in our spaces because we hate the trends that are being pushed forward, but also we have to compete somehow, right? We have to be sell books. We have to find a way to be picked up and read in this oversaturated sea. We have to try and gain traction against those people who hire 50 ghostwriters at a time for pathetic rates to churn out romance novels so they can release one literally every month. We have to fight against the 99-cent expectations even though we're lucky to make 35 cents per book sold if we offer it at that rate.

I think one of the most insulting things that publishers did was decide that it was the author's responsibility to go viral on booktok. That way, the publishers got to save a hell of a lot of money on marketing budgets, right? No, we won't be arranging tours unless you're lucky, we won't be pushing your book as hard as we usually should. It is your job to have a social media following that is broad enough that you make your books go viral, not us giving it a boost as your publisher. If you don't go viral on booktok, we will probably not be signing you for another book, sorry, bud.

Cannot express to you either how many of us erotic romance authors especially were gritting our teeth when the cover trend started leaning toward basic primary colors and splotchy abstract shapes. I completely understand that not everybody wants a shirtless man with a 12-pack just slapped on the front cover of the book they're reading—I actually thought it was brilliant when I saw several self-pub authors offering both the traditional steamier cover but also an option of paperbacks with a more tame, understated cover that just makes it look more like a literary novel. But god, it felt so lazy, these aforementioned abstractly illustrated covers. They told me nothing about the book. There was barely a sense of themes or important objects and these shapes had no defining characteristics that set any of the characters apart and they just looked like YA novels, which is fine for YA novels, but how do you market your extremely high-heat romance novel in that cover trend? If you throw together those blotchy illustrated shapes, people are going to think it's sweet or closed-door, and then they get in there and there's 12 graphic sex scenes on the page, and they're furious about it. I loved seeing illustrated covers that were more detailed start to make a move forward, especially because it meant starting to separate the American cultural assumption that illustrated = childish. Letting them be sexy, letting the author be able to represent any kind of protagonist they wanted without being restricted to the tiny selection of mostly skinny white able-bodied cis models on stock photo sites? Incredible. Love that. Want more of it. Wish it was easier to get publishers to really buy in on that.

The fact that readers will complain about promotional things like trope maps when the publishers require the use of them. The publisher makes them, they hand them over, and now you are the one who will be using it because that is contractual and because even if it wasn't, you want your goddamn book in front of people's eyes. And if you are self-pub or indie, if you don't have a substantial marketing budget to spent thousands of dollars on ads, promotions, and whatever the hell else, you are all but required to follow the trend because that's the only way you're gonna get people to share your shit.

And god, the way that it's all reduced to just 'booktok romance novel.' I get what that's referring to, that exact grouping of authors and why they're frustrating, but holy shit, I wanna know how many of those readers have picked up a self-pub or indie romance by a marginalized author. I'll see people complain about the quality of romance novels as compared to the quality of romantic fanfiction and I wanna shake them by the shoulders and say, "It's there! It's out there! It's self-pub and indie romance authors out here doing the goddamn work and you! Aren't! Looking! For it! Because it's easier to mock the genre instead!" Especially self-pub/indie queer romance authors who are marginalized, they are out here revolutionizing the genre and not getting anywhere near the accolades they deserve.

It's just irritating and exhausting. It's frustrating enough to have your genre used as the constant butt of jokes, treated like it's a substandard genre, like all it is is trash, using 'bodice ripper' as a disparaging term for modern romance novels when that is a relic of a very distant past and a historical pinpoint about which we can have an in-depth discussion about the decades-long process of making it socially acceptable for a woman to talk about her sexual desires rather than the 'bodice ripper' days when a woman had to have them forced on her instead before she could ever dream of admitting that she might know her own body and its cravings.

It's frankly embarrassing to see my genre so poorly understood. That's all. The one genre that is devoted to making sure that every marginalized person can have a happy ending of their choosing—marriage, pregnancy, queerplatonic, no sex necessary, no marriage or kids necessary, whatever feels right—rather than just the skinny white able-bodied cis people, that's the one that is always getting the potshots taken at it, and it's really a goddamn shame.