#this is a joke I love the gays sm

[bootleg-nessie]

WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!! The vaccine was invented to make us all gay. I had never had a single gay thought before 2020 but now ever since the tall muscular firefighter moved in next door and convinced me to get the jab, he’s all I can think about. Been having all kinds of unnatural thoughts like his big strong hands, gently caressing my soft, supple body. All because of BIDEN’s liberal VACCINE turning us into damn QUEERS

[unmotivatedartistry]

Simon as C1? Got dat wholesome energy :3

Simon in C1!

Sorry y'all, we couldn't get the [head empty] to stop holding hands with the [absolutely lovestruck].

Original Post

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

the fact that gojo genuinely wanted to teach him about love…… that he wanted to reach out to him and save him from his isolation.

YES!! the whole "i will remember you.." HAS ME FUCKED UP like. there's a few ways it could be interpreted but it gives me the same feeling as when you 'love' someone so much, you honour or cherish the memory of them forever.. AHHHHHH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

thank you ari for the link <33 when i read the chapter I will be back to let you know my thoughts and feelings :3 I have so many photos in my camera roll of just me sobbing after jjk so :3 definitely scared :3 With 252.. you're very right it's really sad that it's actually quite far from how detailed Gege likes his fights to be. Art style and breaks are on two different spectrums. Complaining about him taking breaks is the biggest NO from me. like PLEASE let Gege release a chapter a month. Every single week is WAY too much for a mangaka - there's only so much a person can do within 6 days :// From a pure quality and marketing standpoint it'll allow him to : process his OWN thoughts, more detailed drawings and (longer) chapters, perhaps even formulate a proper plan for the manga, and the hype will be bigger as well. Especially right now where it is getting criticism and being called repetitive - there is less hype because everyone knows they'll get answers in the next week. But most importantly REST. he is not a machine and you are very right about that!!

something to look forward to :3 (tbf i was especially into it bc i love takaba and kenny lmao but i still think you’ll find it fun!! you can tell akutami was having a blast)

also!! i just thought I'd let you know.. i never really got kenny (kenny is so messed up and i dislike(d) them) but you're the blog that made me understand the lore!! and I even started reading some kenny fics.. Anyways, i think that's enough for today and I'll shut up now haha!! <33

OHHHHH ANON WE’RE HOLDING HANDS OUR BRAINS ARE SMOOCHING

i agree completely 🫂 when i saw that line i kept thinking of sukuna like. centuries into the future…. in a completely different world ….. STILL remembering gojo and no one else. it’s such a wonderful fucking line not only because sukuna looks so sincerely pleased saying it but because it’s proof that gojo DID reach him!!!! gojo wanted to prevent sukuna from feeling alone and he succeeded because sukuna will never truly be alone as long as he’s carrying gojo’s memory with him. they make me insane

PLS DO SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE CHAPTER ONCE YOU READ IT …. i’d love love love to hear!!!! :3 take your time though… get your tissues ready……. aaa and !!! 100% agree on the monthly chapters. that should just be a standard atp but sadly it isn’t…. :ccc i rlly do think gege deserves one long longgggg break to rest up properly.

also!! i just thought I'd let you know.. i never really got kenny (kenny is so messed up and i dislike(d) them) but you're the blog that made me understand the lore!! and I even started reading some kenny fics..

ALSO THIS !!!!!!!! ANON…….. T_T this made me so happy you have NO idea. i’m so glad i could turn you around on him!!! he’s such a silly, interesting, fun little guy :’3 (very fucked up too but that’s just another charm point imo) and aaa the kenny fics !! the world needs sm more of those … i’m working on a no curses au fic for him but i have no idea when it’s getting out …… </3 hopefully soon!!!! anyway pdhdjdj i’m just so happy that you’re a kenny enjoyer now!! welcome to the cult club !!!! 🫂🫂

[taus-inc]

omg omg omg why do i not remember watching planet 51 it was so so good. 10/10 movie

[p00sy-d3stro7er]

I love how accidentally fruity (bcs i'm pretty sure it wasnt on purpose) Black Sails' Israel Hands turned out.

Like, his whole arc about Blackbeard, how he is at the same time extremely bitter about him and still somehow sentimental totally looks like an unrequited crush. He is furious at Ed for how he treated him but at the same time he still cant bring himself to hate him entirely. Becouse He remembers their good times, how dear Blackbeard was to him and perhaps this makes him even more bitter.

I'm also convinced that Israel had prepared a whole Independent woman, "i dont need you" ,"you're the Man but i got the power" type of speech when he found out that he will have to meet Blackbeard & was unpleased about the news about his death, becouse all his effort was wasted. And this is canon. Argue with the wall.

AND HIM WITH SILVER. Its fucking hillarious how he tries to sabotage Johns relationship with Flint whenever he has a chance with absolutely no reason exluding: "How dare they be in actual love when i was pining for my captain for 472828282 years and the only thing i got was a kick in my ass! 😠😠 I am not happy so neither should they! 🤬🤬" (I know Silver and Flint are everything but happy but you get my point)

And he is serving cunt honestly. With his whole girl bestie, "dump him" attitude to Silver, while being an old fuck with the greasiest most crusty dusty hair imaginable, and overall looking like this:

And when he doesnt sabotage gay relationships, he takes out his anger on John, constantly beating the shit out of him (which is totally deserved btw).

Oh and of course i have to mention his silly little moves with his silly little hammer. He is such an icon honestly.

[charliedrawscats]

Herez a drawing i madez today cuz i waz bored :p

[elfelt-valentine]

Oh my god ….. 8 & 20 putameke…. if you want…… share thoughts

Explodes into million pieces. Ok buckle in

8. What do they love most about the other? Why?

I think, mutually, it is that they're both fucking insane. They're the kind who's gonna brainstorm ajd then get an idea at the same time and finish each others sentences. They have a brain link and they KNOW how powerful it is.

As for individually, Putata respects Mekeke's patience and absolute evil genius, Mekeke doesn't rly think of himself that way and thinks Putata is exaggerating (like he always does), but he feels flattered nevertheless. Mekeke is for sure the main idea machine in their relationship, but Putata is the best to bring them to fruition.

While Mekeke is soooo infatuated with this artist, his weird antics and talent, someone who cam truly bring him out of his shell, even if it might be out of Putata's own need to catch up to all those years being trapped at home and well behaving facade. Mekeke appreciates his art, his humor, his MIND and literally everything. He's got a lot if thoughts and feelings that he struggles to properly show with words like Putata really would but he has his ways.

They just bring out the best and add on to each other perfectly.

20. How do they comfort each other when one of them is upset? Is this method of comfort effective?

Oh you know those two got some shit and inner demons, and it took them some time to get there, but when one of them is having a moment or is upset about something else, they ask each other to talk about their art process.

Mekeke always tells Putata about all his instruments and puppets and all the stuff he plans to do, and if Putata wants to paint his puppets in the future. Putata tells Mekeke about that one graffiti he made, that one sketch he wants to try out, that new trick he learnt with his Nyororo and more. They like to listen to each other - helps to forget about things that bothered them, cuz what matters is Here and Now.

They had their handful of horrors but who cares about horrors when there's the next sick thing they could do.

[noxtivagus]

i rlly do like how i look today ehe

[medicine-and-molly]

gordon ramsey can get it frl bros got rizzotto

[sh4dys]

Hansumfella letting reader pick a song for the intro? 🙏🏾 maybe chappell roan etc

Intro music » Hansumfella

summary: being allowed to finally pick his intro music 🫶

warnings: cringey romance, pet names (babe), suggestive jokes

A/N: chappell roan is one of my fav artists, i had to do it. whoever requested this, i love you sm. also this shit is so cringy my bad 😔

“Okay babe, just so you stop begging, I’ll let you pick for once.” Tyler sighed as he gestured for you to come closer, opening up Spotify on his monitor.

“Damn, I thought you liked when I beg.” You teased him as you went and sat on his lap, immediately searching Chappell Roan, glancing back at him for some sort of approval.

“Oh, shut it.” He nudged your side as he leaned back into the chair, raising a brow in confusion. “Chappell Roan?”

“Uh, duh. She’s your favorite artist’s favorite artist.” You smiled as you searched through her album, debating between Casual and Naked In Manhattan. “Should we have a bunch of depressed gay people in chat, or just gay people?”

Tyler couldn’t help but laugh at your words, his hands finding their way to your waist and gently started rubbing his thumbs in circles. “How about whatever song is catchier?”

“Naked In Manhattan it is.” You smiled and leaned back against him, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek before allowing him to do his thing and set up stream.

It didn’t take long, and soon Chappell’s voice was filling his ears, quickly taking out one of his earbuds and gave it to you.

“Alright, when I unmute you can sing because I don’t know the lyrics.” He smiled at you lightly, earning a quick nod from you.

When given the que that he unmuted, you quickly caught up with the lyrics, a smile set on your lips as you did so.

“Touch me baby, put your lips on mine. Could go to hell, but we’ll probably be fine. I know you want, baby, you can have it. Oh, I’ve never done it, let’s make it cinematic!” You turned to face him as he turned the camera on, quickly grabbing his face and placed a kiss against his lips.

“Did you really do that because of the lyrics?” He spoke to you softly, his hands holding your sides firmly on his lap. “Maybe. I think chat liked it though.”

He couldn’t help but chuckle, sitting up slightly as he adjusted the mic, turning down the volume of the song and greeted the chat.

[archangeldyke-all]

could you somethjng with sevika going with reader to get readers blood work done but reader is like terrified and like almost passed out because of how freaked out she was???

giving you kisses i love you sm!!! i have blood work today so i’m rlly scared, i js wanted something to help with it☹️☹️

yeah of course!! i hope your appointment goes good <33

men and minors dni

okay, i think sevika is scared of needles-- like she needs you to come to all her doctors appointments to hold her hand in case she needs shots-- so she totally gets having a big fear of bloodwork.

she takes the day off work to come with you, and when the nurse leads you to the little room, she trails right behind you, her hand wrapped around one of yours.

the nurse thinks you guys are adorable. sevika makes you sit in her lap, her arms around your waist before you can pass your arm to the nurse.

while the nurse smacks your arm to find a vein, sevika tries to distract you from panicking by sneaking her thumbs under your shirt and drawing circles on your hips, pressing little kisses to the top of your spine. it helps.

getting the needle in is the worst part, but sevika kisses you through it. and then, once you're settled, it's kind of easy.

sevika makes sure you keep your eyes off the vials of blood being filled by your arm, holding your chin in her fingers and whispering stupid jokes to you to get you to laugh.

"why'd the phlebotomist go to art school?"

"why?" you ask.

sevika snickers before she answers, laughing at her own stupid joke. "to learn how to draw blood."

you snort and roll your eyes, but your nurse cackles.

"i've never heard that one!" she laughs.

sevika grins, and at the sight of it, you forget completely that there's a needle in your arm.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@shimtarofstupidity @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @k3n-dyll @sevsdollette

@ellieslob @xayn-xd @keikuahh @maneskinwh0re @raphaellearp

@iamastar @sevikitty @claude999 @nhaaauyen

[dis-astre]

BREAKDOWN OF LES MISÉRABLES IN FRANCE : ACT I

- they use the almost same costumes as the west end which... great bc sometimes france tends to make....... weird choices concerning their costume department for musical shows

- lots of projections for the decor, the set was very sleek, but they used it well

- javert was on point, props to the actor honestly he was one of the best thing of the show

- the actors in general were hitting those notes like craaaaazy, they were all so good

- the thenardier got me laughing uncontrollably, they were perfect and master of the house was *chief kiss*, people dancing on the tables, a lot of things were going on in the background which added to the chaos which was perfect

- master of the house is disgustingly perfect in french

- they were little kids in the audience and i don't think the parents were rlly aware of the show bc... well first the language is rlly crude (even more than the last french version), and they have sex on stage at some point in lovely ladies???? (honestly don't remember if this was in the west end version circa 2019 pls if u know enlighten me)

- the kids playing eponine, cosette and gavroche were so great they got a standing ovation and all

- for the confrontation, javert has a rifle and they basically play hide and seek like valjean hides from javert in the hospital and javert hunt him and the nurses are trying to help valjean (at some point one hides the gun under the bed of a patient and it's was funny)

- THEY MADE MONTPARNASSE SO GAY?????? LIKE????? bro was this big tall twink behaving like 💅💅🌈✨✨💃💅🌈💃✨✨💅 guuuuuurl, he was so coquette i stg, so that was fun

- les amis were >>> amazing, loved them sm ! it was really less gay and enjoltaire than the english production and overall the choices made were real different from what i had seen before and i loved that; i think it comes from the fact that french ppl tend to stay more "true" to the original work especially with such an important book as Les Mis but i'll explain myself more in act II

- in the beginning of abc cafe, R is drinking from a bottle and Enj just casually pass by him and grab the bottle before physically sitting him down

- R proceeded to try and grab the bottle from everyone and they were all exchanging the bottle to get it away from him

- he also was ALWAYS talking and laughing with les amis and making jokes like trying to shake hands with one of them and then retracting his hand last moment, childish plays and so cute to watch them laugh and interact like that

- when enjolras started talking, R stopped everything and put his chin in his hands and started looking at him with stars in his eyes and the biggest smile (he was so hot pls help) and that was so cute

- "marius you're late" was said in the most annoyed french tone and i love it

- after R verse and "it is better than an opera", everyone was clapping and enjolras was sulking in a corner, and one of the amis (presumably combeferre) went "OH SHUSH" in the most Dad Voice ever to shut everyone up and proceed to motion to enjolras to come back and talk

- R casually jumping on chairs

- R never got his bottle back so he proceed to open a book, read it and tried to show everyone what he was reading and talked about the book; and idk i loved that yes show how much of a yapper and actually a smart man my guy is

- i finally got to hear what they say for the "general lamarque is dead" part bc it's never on any album and it's really so close to the english version, except instead of saying to R "do we have the guns we need?", enj say something along the line of "R put the bottle down and chose a weapon" and R goes basically like "oh no needs my breathe will kill two in one blow" so pretty close to the english verse and i love it

- do you hear the people sing was amazing with the new lyrics

- they changed a lyric in one day more and i'm so SO glad they did bc i HATED it, so basically in french we have "you" meaning "tu/toi" as like a singular individual or you say "tu/toi" to a close person; and "you" as "vous" as like more than one person or you say "vous" to someone you don't know/respect. and in the original version for "my place is here, i fight with you" marius say "ma place est là, auprès de toi" and now he says "auprès de vous" and that's SO MUCH BETTER bc the original lyric is like... who tf is "toi" bc it's not a plural so is it cosette ?? which is inaccurate, or is it enjolras ?? which doesn't make any sense at all bc he fight with all of les amis, not just one ??????? so yeah, one of the best lyric change they've made

anyway here's some pro shots and i'll make a part II later for act II byeeee

[shakespearean-dream]

i would adore ur ted ideas he is so interesting 2 me!!!!!!

ask and you shall receive!!!!

ted. teddigan. theodoreigan my boy. i have so many mixed feelings about u💔

this drawing was a pain in the ASS to make for some reason?? my first go at him was way too close to canon for my liking so i threw myself out there n got to a place i liked thankfully, plus halfway through i forgot how to draw hands and almost cried (joking) cause i thought i had them down at this point!!!!— but trust me, even if you have 9 years of art experience (like me unfortunately. someone take me out i’ve had a good life) ur gonna forget the basics sometimes. warm yourself up and try again cause i did and i eventually remembered 😭😭😭

doing these character studies and drawings have seriously improved my way and process of drawing faces which is so nice 🥲 i think i just need to start looking at the bigger picture again so i don’t forget how to draw everything else. like hands. or full bodies. foreshadowing ;)

i wanted my ted to look just a wee bit unsettling because my general consensus of him is that he is totally fucked in the head, lmfao. born a nepotism baby who ended up scamming people more for fun than for actual cash, horribly sexist but dependent on women to validate him, paranoid as all get out, selfish and self centered as all get out, just his canon personality’s all in one and turned up a notch. 🥲

i don’t think he’s totally beyond redemption, especially because he’s been cooped up with ellen, who is a highly decorated in the engineering field black woman, benny who’s gay and gorr “FREEDOM FIGHTIN’ LIBERAL🇺🇸🦅🦅🔥🔥” ister for 109 years. in that time he’s definitely slipped up and they’ve definitely corrected him (along with nimdok too LOL). i think with some intensive therapy, a shower and a trip to the tolerance museum (south park reference) he’ll be a little better.

i’m a mild ted/AM shipper (as seen in the bottom right hand corner) but more in the “ooohehheh they’re flirting!!… oh no. oh this is not going to end well. this is definitely a toxic relationship” way and less the “awh cute maybe they can have mutual redemption arcs!!!” way because i love seeing gay men suffer romantically (don’t cancel me i am a bisexual man suffering romantically i swear😭)

i’m not too partial to any other ships honestly, ted/ellen makes me nauseous (just cause of the way ted talks about/treats her in the franchise, no hate to my tellen shippers i promise) and i can only see gorrister with his wife 🥲 with benny and nimdok i have no clue if either of them rlly have romantic interests but im not a fan of them with anybody so erm… i do love the whole groups found family vibes though :”””] they’re all cute together and the mutual suffering but all the while growth is comforting to me

i think that’s about all my thoughts!!! another thank you for the support on this blog recently i love yall sm. i’ll eventually post on my transformers blog but i am STILL SCARED because robots are hard to draw. stay tuned for it though. 💀

thank you for reading if you did!!! let me know which of the guys yall want me to do next; benny, AM and nimdok are left on the chopping block. ❤️

[highly-entertained]

i dunno wht this says but i hope its gay

Ne çok kış geçmişti yetim ve öksüz kalbimin yasının üstünden..

Ne çok gözyaşı birikmişti göz pınarlarımda

Ne çok sevmemiştim kendimi...Ne çok sevilmemiştim...

Kuytularda bir yerlerde duran o küçük kız çocuğunu ardımda ağlayarak bırakıp, boş sayfalara büyük siyah puntolarla karalamıştım ruhumun kederini...

Yalnızlığın patikalarında yürürken bağlı gözlerimle

Sen geldin

Çözdün hem gözümün hem gönlümün bağlarını...

Sen geldin çiçekler açtırdın...

Sen geldin kelebeklerle doldurdun içimi...

Uyuyan ne varsa uyandı,rengarenk bir gökkuşağı yansıdı senin içinden benim içime doğru...

Gökyüzü bizim oldu,biz gökyüzü olduk...

Biz aslında "Biz" olduk....

[rooksblvd]

thatcherlyra moments that make me lose my sanity

thatcher calling lyra DARLING PHANTOM???? #$%##$@$#adjsdk!*(@&%^$#&

lyra calling thatcher ANGEL????@#$$@#!@!#@$!^*&*%^

lyra was thatcher's muse in their own hauntingly beautiful way

thatcher putting coins on the eyes of phoebe's corpse so she crosses river styx and goes soundly into the afterlife (mind you, he was a CHILD, conditioned by a monster to believe that he was also one)

lyra's first kill being so as to protect thatch

little miss prim and proper diva pierson cussing only when he's around lyra

lyra jumping off of a cliff just to evade falling out of her deal with thatch of being tutored in the art of killing

thatcher finally agreeing to tutor lyra and picking thursday for their sessions just because she has chess games with silas every thursday

"She's so exquisite she makes me palpably ill,"

thatch calling lyra scarlett on rare occasions

their first time being intimate in the mausoleum, which in hindsight was very poetic actually

thatch having a full-on mental breakdown after the mausoleum in true aaron warner fashion

thatch almost breaking his carefully fabricated routine when he was about to kill player #1 for the whole circus stunt with lyra

this switch:

“I’m not a dog.” I bite out, even though I did what he asked. “You’re not?” He purrs, the edges of his lips tugging up. “Could’ve fooled me.” A strangled laugh comes from the back of my throat, pain tingling my side from what I assume is a fractured rib. “Did you just make a joke?” “If that will make you feel better about what I said, then sure. I made a joke.” The smile on my face is hard to remove, because he’s smirking and not in a wicked way. In this funny, happy sorta way. “Drop the towel.” He orders, kneeling on the ground in front of me

thatcher cleaning up lyra's wounds and being absolutely enamored with the freckles on her belly he discovered in the process

No, I won't explain myself for the following one

When my eyes open, fluttering in this state of bliss, I find him looking down at his lap. My brows tugging together in concern as I lean forward. My limbs feel impossibly heavy, exhaustion and pain slamming back into me with vengeance. “Thatch,” I murmur, looking down at his lap finding a dark spot on the center of his jeans, my jaw going slack. “Did I—Did you?” “It would appear,” he says, clearing his throat, but the haze of lust still heavy on his tongue. “My cock enjoys the way you taste as well, pet."

thatcher scaring tf outta a diner manager for being condescending towards his bug queen

lyra about to crack and out their little secret of screwing around in the background when she finds out about the threats thatcher has been receiving

Scarlett Lyra Abbott, I'm so gay for you rahhhh:

“If you die, it won’t just ruin me, Thatcher. It will be the reason behind the slaughter of this entire town.” I grind my teeth, knowing my grief at losing him would leave no one safe. “Do not shove me away, then allow yourself to be killed and blame me for what kind of monster is born in my mourning.”

calm down little miss cuntress:

If the Halo comes for me, like they promised, I’ll take it as a compliment.   But her?   If they figure out what she is to me. If they come for her?   I’ll paint the town red.

lyra not giving up on thatcher once during their exchange at her old home, her pushing herself to the brink to make thatcher see all that they were, and all they deserved, pop off queen!

them being each other's firsts

lyra- the girl known for being laid back and gentle- turning into this nasty bittersweet person in the aftermath of thatch's disappearance

thatcher having to abandon his meticulously placed plan again following lyra killing player #2 (colin)

despite her early throws of anger at thatcher pushing her away and being cold when he came back, lyra was quick to realise the whys of him putting her at a distance, that he was afraid of losing her

aksjjaksjkajkjkdhfjdfh, naur shes so sassy for this i love her sm man:

It does what it wants. It takes what it needs, and it doesn’t care what it does when it leaves. “Maybe I’d die for you, Thatcher Pierson,” I mumble. “But death is inevitable for us all. It’s what you’d do for me that matters.” His eyebrow arches in question. “You’d disappear again, just like you did when you were a little boy, just to keep me safe.” I push off the doorframe, turning to walk down the hallway with his eyes still on my back. “And I didn’t even ask you to.”

the iconic:

"I don’t want to share my space with you either, Thatcher. But it’s all you’ve got.” “No.” She lets out a little sigh, rolling her eyes. “Jail it is, then. Rot for all I care.” “I—” “Did something happen between you two?” Briar interrupts me, calling Lyra out for the false narrative she is painting. Looking at me and spewing words she thinks will affect me. Pretending that little heart inside her pale chest isn’t beating for me. Like my ghost doesn’t exist just for me. Like she doesn’t bleed for me. However, the rest of the people in this room don’t need to know that. “Yeah, like fucking?” Rook adds.

COMMUNICATING THROUGH ANNOTATIONS. BYE. I'M SO UNWELL.

thatcher learning deeply about lyra through her home and falling a little more with every childhood picture of hers and every taxidermized collection

thatcher stabbing conner's tongue for forcing himself on lyra. in the school. WHEN HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE CABIN, OUT OF SIGHT.

thatcher cooking for her, and asking her about her mom. especially significant because from this moment on, he had waved a massive fuck-you to the consequences and circumstances and had known deep within himself that he was always hers, as she always his

thatcher gifting lyra a taxidermized spider collection she'd secretly wanted for months

lyra killing conner for good

thatcher cleaning her mess up with the boys

oh they make me so sickkk:

"Death is trivial. He can't keep you from me. I'll follow you to the grave everytime and follow you in each life after."

[hairstevington]

Stranger Therapy

Eddie Munson x Steve Harrington

Summary: Based on this text post, Steve and Eddie match on Tinder and decide to go to couple's counseling on a first date to see how long it takes the therapist (Murray) to figure them out. Link to Ao3

Word Count: 3K, check out part 2 part 3 part 4 and epilogue!

Warnings: Nothing too serious, Steve/Eddie went to high school together but don't know each other, modern day AU, aged up, brief Robin cameo, Matchmaker Murray, and my fav tag of all - gay scheming!

A/N: I'm a counselor in training currently but I don't specialize in couple's counseling so this may or may not be accurate? Idk man it's just fun and silly I love our stupid boys sm. Original post by @hxneyfarms

It’s a match!

“Robin, it worked!” Steve shouted from the couch. She ran from the kitchen and joined him, peering over to stare at his screen.

“I told you it would! It’s funny!” she insisted. Steve rolled his eyes and anxiously pulled up the profile of his new match. 

“Oh, shit,” Steve said. “I remember swiping right on this guy. Didn’t think I had a shot.” He looked through the pictures. They were all candids, slightly blurry, or shots of him with his friends, but due to his distinguished look it was easy to pick him out even in a crowd. 

“Show me his bio,” Robin ordered. Steve closed out the pictures and scrolled until the bio was in full view.

Eddie, 25. Shit at bios.

“Well that’s kind of boring,” Steve said. 

“Yeah. You think he’s a bot?” Robin asked.

 “Or a catfish, maybe,” Steve mused. “Either way, I still think I should take your joke down. I don’t talk like that in real life, and people might get confused.”

Robin had convinced him earlier to change his bio and replace it with - let’s go to couple’s counseling and see how long it takes the therapist to realize we don’t know each other. Steve had been a little tipsy when he agreed, and he assumed nothing would come of it. But then, Eddie matched with him. 

“You’re thinking way too hard about this, Dingus,” Robin replied. “People write weird shit in their Tinder bios all the time.” 

“Eddie didn’t,” Steve countered. 

“Yeah, but look at him,” Robin responded. “He’s distinctive. It’s attention-grabbing in itself.”

“And I’m not?” Steve asked. Robin chuckled.

“You’re the kind of pretty where if you don’t have something witty in the bio, people will think you’re just some ignorant surface-level airhead who’s never worked a day in his life, and that’s not cute.”

“Okay, ouch,” Steve said. 

“It’s a compliment!” she insisted. “Like, you need to show that you’re witty and funny and able to poke fun at yourself, otherwise you’re going to attract the wrong kind of people.”

“And this guy’s the right kind, huh?” Steve opened one of the pictures back up - one where Eddie was passed out on the couch with a beer still in his hand. As they looked at the screen, a notification popped up. Eddie sent you a message.

“Let’s find out,” Robin said. 

-

Eddie: If your bio is serious, I’m in

Steve: Wait, really?

Eddie: Yeah xD sounds fun

Eddie: You got a therapist in mind?

Steve: Honestly didn’t think I’d get this far

Eddie: Boo. 

Eddie: You’re lucky I know just the guy

Steve: Okay…

Steve: So how do we do this?

Eddie: Dude, it was YOUR idea

Steve: Ok but I’ve never done it before!

Eddie: Steve! I’m your first? <3

Steve: Yeah, yeah. I’ve never pranked a therapist before. 

Eddie: I hope you’re either rich or have really good insurance. Otherwise this is gonna be an expensive first date.

Steve: I got it covered. 

Eddie: I figured you did. I’ll call the guy in the morning and get back to you with the appointment time. 

Steve: Okay. How’s your night going by the way?

Eddie: Nope!

Eddie: That’s not part of the deal, Steve. We go into this blind or not at all.

Steve: This is insane.

Eddie: Once again, your idea. I’m excited. Are you excited?

Steve: Thrilled.

Steve: I’m still concerned about how you know the perfect guy for this.

Eddie: 😛

Eddie: Don’t worry about it.

-

“I don’t even think he’s serious,” Steve said after he recounted the entire interaction to Robin.

“I don’t know, Steve. Sounds serious to me.” 

“What if he’s like - not right in the head?” Steve wondered, reading the interaction over and over again. “Like, who is this therapist and why does he know him? Is he actually going to make an appointment? What if this whole thing crashes and burns?”

“I honestly think he plans on it crashing and burning,” Robin replied. “And then after, the both of you either hit it off and laugh about it forever, or you have an amazing failed date story to tell your friends until the end of time.”

“That’s…actually genius.” 

“I know.” 

Steve read the messages one last time, focusing on the bits where Eddie was mildly flirtatious. Steve! I’m your first? He could tell if Eddie was being condescending, or what vibe he was going to bring to this absolute insane first date. But, as Robin said, it would be a story no matter what. 

He tried to focus on that and not the anxiety that started brewing in his veins.

-

The appointment was set for two weeks later. Eddie still refused to talk to Steve other than for details on where to go and at what time, so for the whole fourteen days, Steve assumed he was being pranked right back. Eddie was messing with him, or he’d cancel, or Dr. Bauman didn’t actually exist, or he’d be murdered, or, or, or -

None of that happened. Instead, on a Tuesday afternoon, Steve pulled up to an office building about fifteen minutes from his apartment. He’d passed by it several times and never once wondered what went on inside. 

Apparently, really weird first dates.

They had decided to meet up in the parking lot and walk in together. The whole thing was crazy, but having one of them pick the other up so they could drive in together was way over what was needed to commit to the bit. 

Steve got there first. They needed to be fifteen minutes early to fill out paperwork. It was twenty minutes prior to their appointment time. 

This was weird. It felt a lot different than all the times he’d met someone for coffee. In another world, that’s how he and Eddie would have met. But no. He had to agree to this stupid thing, and now he was too far into it to back out. Jesus Christ. 

Eddie’s car pulled in a few spaces down. Steve knew it was him from the hair alone - unmistakable. He got out of his car and walked towards his date, his palms sweaty. Eddie got out of his car a moment later, eyeing Steve as he approached him and smirking. 

“What gave me away?” Eddie asked. 

“You think I wouldn’t recognize my boyfriend?” Steve snapped back, pleased at the way he was able to take Eddie off guard. 

“Touche. Well, come on, then. Let’s do this.” 

-

Before they knew it, they were sitting in a cramped waiting room, alone, filling out paperwork. It consisted of insurance information first, followed by names and some quick background questions about the “couple.” Steve began filling it out, thankful that he was still on his dad’s fancy rich-person insurance. It covered basically everything, even fucked-up couples fraud with Dr. Bauman.

“Are you not worried I’m gonna, like, steal your information or something?” Eddie asked as Steve wrote down his policy number.

“I mean…should I be?” Steve responded. 

“No,” Eddie answered with a shrug. “I gotta say, though, you’re way more trusting than I am. It’s ballsy. I like it.” 

“Uhh…” Steve was trying to concentrate on the paperwork, but the compliment was throwing him off. “Thank you, I think.” He continued filling out the paperwork.

“You’re from Hawkins?” he asked. Steve nodded, absentmindedly. “I’m from Hawkins.” This caught Steve’s attention. 

“No shit.” 

“Yeah, seriously.”

“Small world,” Steve replied before turning his attention back to the form.

“You have a cute middle name,” Eddie teased. 

“Shut up,” Steve responded. He wanted to find Eddie’s pestering annoying, but instead he found himself smirking, even giggling a little bit. This whole thing was so ridiculous. He shoved the clipboard onto Eddie’s lap. “Your turn, lover.”

“Euch,” Eddie groaned. “That is not one of our pet names, no way.” 

“Noted,” Steve chuckled. He was…kind of enjoying this way more than he expected, as weird as it was. He’d grown accustomed to a lot of even stranger things in his life, so this didn’t feel as shocking as he’d initially thought. 

“Don’t look,” Eddie said as he covered the paper.

“What? Why not?” Steve asked, confused. 

“Because not all of us are as blindly trusting, Steven,” Eddie responded. Steve shook his head and looked away. 

“Good thing we’re in therapy to work that shit out, Edward Munson.”

“You looked!” Eddie exclaimed. 

“It was right in front of me!” Steve pointed out. 

“Fair enough,” Eddie sighed. “Okay, now we gotta put down a reason for doing this.”

-

Fast forward ten minutes, Eddie and Steve were seated next to each other on a relatively small but cozy burnt orange couch. The color was ugly, but the seats were comfortable. Steve noticed the cushions had a natural dip that kept inching him closer to the person sitting on the opposite side. He figured this was certainly intentional. 

The doctor sat in front of them, reviewing the papers the pair had just filled out.

“Hello, my name is Dr. Bauman, and one day I may let you call me Murray,” he began, his eyes fixed on the papers in front of him. “I see here on your sheet that you’ve been feeling distant from each other, and that you’re looking to feel more connected, right? Can you tell me more about that?”

“We’re just launching right into it, huh?” Eddie asked. 

“Well, we are on a time crunch here. Your decision how you spend it,” Dr. Bauman answered. 

The man was immediately intimidating.

“Ooookay,” Steve said, taking a deep breath. “Yeah, I guess it just feels like - like he and I don’t even know each other anymore.” Eddie stifled a laugh, covering his mouth with his hand to make it seem like he was maybe getting emotional or perhaps trying not to sneeze. 

“I see,” Dr. Bauman said, eyeing them both suspiciously. “Let’s begin with how you two met and we’ll go from there, okay?”

“We were high school sweethearts,” Eddie replied with a grin.

“Wow,” Dr. Bauman commented. “Well, it’s common for a lot of development to happen from then to now. How did you two get together?” Eddie looked to Steve, as if to say, you’re up.

“It just kinda…happened, I guess,” Steve began. “We were assigned as partners for a project and really clicked.”

“Yeah, and then we snuck around for a while. Sneaking kisses in janitor's closets and empty classrooms, you know the drill.” Steve tried not to blush at the thought of sneaking around with high school Eddie. If they were both from Hawkins, did they actually go to high school together?

“Snuck around for the thrill?” Dr. Bauman asked.

“No,” Steve responded. “I wasn’t out yet.” Eddie looked at him curiously, as if he wasn’t expecting Steve to say something so serious. He wondered if it was actually true. 

“Well, that and -” Eddie added. “- he was a popular jock and I was kind of a freak.” This time, Steve looked at Eddie curiously. Steve was a popular jock. Eddie could have assumed that, or made a lucky guess, but something told him that wasn’t the case. 

Eddie Munson. Munson. 

Oh.

Oh!

It took Steve a minute to recover from that information. They did in fact go to school together, they just had never interacted. Eddie obviously remembered, and he obviously knew that Steve didn’t. So what was the goal here? Was Steve being punked or something just so Eddie could get free therapy?

“Steve, you look a little pale there,” Dr. Bauman noticed. “Did that trigger something?”

“Yeah -” Steve croaked, now unable to look at Eddie. If he had, he would have noticed Eddie didn’t look as smug as Steve assumed he was. “Yeah, I just don’t think about high school that much anymore.”

“Why not?” the doctor asked. 

“Because, I - I’ve changed so much since then. I’m not that guy anymore, and I don’t want to be that guy.”

“Ah, I see,” he hummed. “So, Eddie fell for someone who no longer exists. I think I’m understanding the problem here. Eddie, do you feel that you’ve changed?”

Damn. This guy’s kinda good.

“Uhhh -” Eddie began. Neither of them expected this to get so serious so quickly. It didn’t even feel like it was about their imagined relationship anymore. “N-no, I don’t think I have.”

“And Steve, do you think Eddie has changed?”

Steve thought about the limited memories he had of Eddie in high school. Cocky, slightly unhinged, just as he was now. But there was something different, he just couldn’t really pinpoint what. Maybe if he’d talked to Eddie for longer than like ten minutes total in his life, he’d have a better idea. 

Then, he realized the point of this wasn’t to be serious. It was to make shit up. Steve pivoted back to the original plan. 

“Yeah, I mean -” He shifted in his seat, finding himself now thigh to thigh with Eddie, despite not meaning to be. “He’s, uh - it just feels like we don’t have anything in common anymore?” It was something he’d heard lots of couples say.

“Do you want to make this work?” Dr. Bauman asked. 

“Why else would we be here?” Eddie answered. Dr. Bauman narrowed his eyes. 

“You tell me.”

Eddie and Steve were kind of not good at this. Their story was based in truth and not very exciting. They both seemed to realize this at the same time.

“Steve slept with the dogwalker,” Eddie proclaimed. Steve scoffed, half-amused, half-offended. 

“Yeah, well you sold drugs to my mom!” he shot back. The two guys looked at each other, pretending to look angry while simultaneously wanting to laugh. 

“Woooah, there,” Dr. Bauman responded. “Now we’re getting somewhere. Do we want to begin with Steve’s infidelity or Eddie’s illegal activity?”

“That’s not gonna, like, go on record or anything, right?” Steve asked, suddenly anxious. “Like, the cops aren’t gonna show up at Eddie’s door?”

“Our door, babe,” Eddie clarified, not the least bit nervous. 

“Depends on how long ago this happened, I suppose,” Dr. Bauman answered.

“Long time ago,” Eddie said. 

“Are you still currently dealing?”

“No, I don’t even do drugs anymore. Well, like, except pot - but that’s legal now so it doesn’t really count, I think.”

“Dude,” Steve whispered. 

“You brought it up,” Eddie replied just as softly. 

“Right,” Dr. Bauman responded, taking it all in. “No report needed, then. Let’s move onto the dogwalker.” 

They continued to add to their lore as the appointment went on. At one point, Eddie even faked tears. His acting was…decent enough to avoid suspicion, thankfully. When the clock hit 1:45, their time was up, and they’d successfully managed to fool Dr. Bauman. Mission accomplished, date over. Right?

“Well, thank you so much, Dr. Bauman,” Eddie said. “I think you’ve really helped us out today.”

“Yeah, seriously,” Steve said, smiling. “We feel so much better.”

“Now hold on a minute,” Dr. Bauman said with his hands up. “There’s still a lot of work to be done, in my professional opinion.”

“There is?” Eddie asked, confused. 

“Oh, definitely. Most couples go to a minimum of four sessions, and that’s still a low average. Plus, this was only intake. I mean, unless you guys weren’t happy with the counseling I gave you today…”

It felt like a challenge, and Eddie loved challenges. Meanwhile, Steve was too awkward to come clean or tell the doctor they weren’t interested. 

They made another appointment.

-

“Well, that went pretty well, I think,” Eddie said as they left the building. 

“You knew me already?” Steve asked once they were a safe enough distance from the office and Dr. Bauman. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I just knew your name and face, man. And, like, your vibe,” Eddie answered. “Back in high school, anyway.” 

“You should have told me,” Steve said. 

“You should have remembered,” Eddie shot back. “Whatever, it was fun. Right?”

“Eddie, I have no idea what that was,” Steve replied. “We have to cancel that appointment.”

“Why? You don’t want to see me again?” Eddie grinned. Steve rolled his eyes.

“No, I - I mean, I don’t want to waste his time. That spot should go to other couples who need it. Meanwhile, we could go get coffee like normal adults.” 

“I dunno,” Eddie said, kicking a pebble in the road as they walked. “I kinda liked it. You can’t tell me you didn’t.”

It was true. Steve couldn’t say that he didn’t.

“Doesn’t matter.” Steve unlocked his car and made his way to the door. “We’re canceling.”

“He’s the one that wanted to see us again, Steve,” Eddie reminded him. 

“Yeah, because he thought we were an actual couple.” Steve was getting frustrated at Eddie’s antics, and the way he refused to back down. “I don’t know if this is gonna work, man. This has been, uh - well, it’s been weird, but I think -”

“We have to go, otherwise you’ll be charged a cancellation fee,” Eddie blurted out. It was a lie, a bold-faced lie, and yet -

“So, I’ll pay the fee. Can’t be more than the cost of a full session,” Steve figured. 

“Ugh!” Eddie groaned in frustration. “Okay, fine. Look - I’m annoying as hell, I’m a mess, I’m broke, and I could never afford someone like Dr. Bauman. I don’t know about you, but some of the things he said actually made me think and I kind of want to ask him about, like, real shit.” 

Steve stared at him blankly for a minute. 

“You - you want me to keep going to fake couple’s counseling with you so you can get actual therapy?” Steve asked, stunned. 

“I mean, you could work your shit out, too,” Eddie suggested.

“What shit? I don’t have shit,” Steve insisted. 

“Of course you do! Everyone does!” Eddie yelled. 

“You’re insane,” Steve muttered. The thing was, he wasn’t saying it out of anger. He was saying it in understanding. 

Because the thing was, Eddie had a point. Dr. Bauman was good at what he did, and Steve knew he’d never sign up for individual counseling. He already had the appointment. Eddie smirked. 

“You’re with me, aren’t you?”

Fuck.

“Fine,” Steve agreed. 

-

Notes from Dr. Bauman - 3/18

Eddie and Steve

Together since high school

Feelings of disconnect

Steve/dogwalker

Eddie/mom/drugs

Clearly lying

Clients are faking their relationship for me, for some reason. Will continue to work with them to figure out why. 

They aren’t dating…but they should be

(next chapter)

------------------------------------

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