#this is a cry for help man idk how to keep being productive :(

[tea-cat-arts]

I simply think this fandom doesn't give Wei Wuxian enough credit for the various ways in which he saved Lan Wangji

[bugmangaka]

But by making this comic I broke the streak!

In all seriousness, I have been beyond exhausted lately. Sometimes I try to put my pencil to paper and end up asleep on top of my drawing tablet. Too dang tired all the dang time!!!!!

[skinks]

Oh my god. You are a saviour!!!!!!!! Idk but after some what, 6 hours, im not the same person anymore?? The English. The English. Its so packed. Cant stop crying after the last ep i there is a hole inside my chest now it hurts so much idk what to tell more like yeah amazon produced silly western with white girl saviour moment haha how about feeling the well of every humanly possible emotions after some .... several hours? I... didnt expected that. Cornelia...

Cant say thank you enough for your ramblings in the tags!!!!!!!!! You are not a frequent media enjoyer so to hear from you in the tags was such a suprise that ive downloaded it like after i just came home from work and was so dumbfolded by the narrative ? one ep for one day so i... wasnt aware of... you know... last three eps direction (but it was always there, always!!!). the fucking Event of my life thank you so much for mentioning it!!!!!!!!!!!!! Idk im just speechless....

ANON!!!! I GET IT BRO I GET IT….. event of OUR lives

You’re right, it’s so incredibly packed it’s… idk where to begin replying to you but I agree, the plotting is so well-done and teased out with just enough detail that by the time you reach the last episode’s reveals you have to recontextualise every interaction you’ve seen so far.

It’s really a testament to the power of writing that doesn’t just blandly dump exposition out for an audience it doesn’t trust - the reason I keep going bonkers bananas about the dialogue is because, yes, it’s heightened, but it’s REAL. Real characters with painful motivations WOULD keep secrets and talk in arcs around the subjects they don’t want to really talk about. Then it’s those arcs that keep Eli and Cornelia intersecting and sharing and coming to the realisation that somehow, in the enormity of the endless prairie they’ve found one other person who understands them…. I can’t think about it too much I keep crying lmao I sympathise with the hole in your chest, like I have been GUTSHOT

Once again it’s the tragedy. The layers of parallels to figure out on a rewatch. I think this type of reaction in me to certain media only comes along every so often because it’s only the most weighty, tragic implications of narrative and characters with doomed love that get me this good. Brokeback Mountain, Baze & Chirrut from Rogue One, obviously Reddie post-itch2 and now this. It’s come along right at the sweet spot for me when I’ve really been craving Western stories and feeling the lack of emotionally-moving cinema this year. I’ve had a lot of disappointments in the theatre ngl, a lot of duds. So it was such a fucking horrible delightful treat to basically get a sweeping 6 hour western roadtrip movie where every decision has been carefully, deliberately made - from the acting to the costumes, production design, direction, music, everything - to tell THIS story. Their story. Revisionist and triumphant and tragic and romantic and violent all at once.

Maybe it’s an indictment of how few pieces of truly well-written visual storytelling I’m exposed to but it’s been such a breath of fresh air. Characters with very different stories and goals and arcs that still manage to see something of the same driving force (magic!!!) in each other? Themes of reclaiming that which was stolen from you, both literal and metaphysically? Identity, agency, land, history, family, a HOME??! My friend @benevolentbridgetroll likened it to Mad Max Fury Road in that sense, both works are using the grand visuals of wide open spaces to tell a story about momentum and desperate human connection and Never Being Able To Go Home Again but also that sometimes you have to try, because there are people along the way who need your help.

And on top of that it’s using only the SEXIEST of “golden hour sunsets shining through the clouds of Nebraska dust kicked up by our leading man silhouetted rearing on a stallion” visuals to tell the story like HELLOOOOOOO? I love imagery. The horror of the time is all the more real for being given the weight it deserves; saturated, slow-motion, the hyper-real intensity of traumatic memory without ever being grimdark or exploitative for grimdark’s sake.

Plus Chaske Spencer deserves an emmy or a bafta or SOME kind of award I’m dead serious. Not since Heath Ledger played Ennis del Mar in 2005 has a man imbued such rich inner heartbreak to tight little smiles and devastating, carefully chosen words and the meaning that comes from what you choose to Look at when you know certain Looking will get you killed.

Because that’s another thing I agree with you about - when I started the series my main worry was that it was going to result in another white saviour story, and with the caveat that obviously I’m both white and non-American, I think the show avoided that. Not only are both Cornelia and Eli’s arcs given equal importance to the entire theme of the story, but it literally couldn’t exist if it wasn’t specifically ABOUT how the experiences of women and Native peoples in the wild west differ from the typical White Cowboy Conquering New Unexplored Land narrative. Eli is given all the agency in the world to make a series of decisions FOR HIMSELF and what it means for him to be a Pawnee man in this place at this time. That’s literally what his arc is about, and it’s compelling! Also the series was made with a ton of consultation and approval from members of the Pawnee nation so overall I do think they were trying to tell as authentic a story as possible.

Anyway. I’m so so glad you watched it after my incoherent yelling in the tags, that makes me so happy! I would love for more people to enjoy it even just so I can read more fic or look at more gifs 😭 I have so much homework this week I can’t spend it all on photoshop. Also have to say that you calling me “not a frequent media enjoyer” REALLY tickled me and I’ve been laughing about it for two days now, I feel like all I do is enjoy media. It just takes some particularly good shit for me to get super-annoying about it on tumblr so for that I’m eternally grateful. 2022 media has been so bland for me besides The Locked Tomb series that I was beginning to think I’d lost the ability to feel shrimp emotions at movies any more, but here we are. I’m shrimping so so hard and I love it. Thank you for your message!!!

[theodoredeckergf]

going online and seeing tragedy after tragedy is so fucked up. i donate. i boycott. i write information for how other people can help. i reblog/retweet/etc. palestinian voices. i write my congress people digitally and physically. if i knew of a place to show up physically, i would. but i can't keep going onto my timeline/dash/whatever and seeing the horrifying reality and crying in my bathroom. its not productive and its not helpful and i cant keep doing it. i hate being so helpless. i hate that i can see a genocide and can't do shit to help the people in it. the thing that feels like the most helpful thing to do is vomit up my desert. and tomorrow im going to go to work and show up to class and study for a test. and tomorrow more people will be dead. idk man. its fucking awful.

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

" and it's also not love, actual love. you cannot love someone you don't really know at all, in real life"

Yes I know that it is not the same love as to people i know in real life and that in my head i only have image of evan based on what i saw on the internet. But at the same time this image helped me get through the darkest time of my life. When i was in high school and was bullied at school every day and had not a single friend i really wanted to km. And when i was sitting on my bathroom floor with razor blade in my hand only two things were holding me back from doing it. One was image of my grandparents crying next to my grave and second was evan and the fact I want to be there and be able to witness his next projects, him winning oscar one day, having kids, I wanted to see it and keep supporting him. So I will be forever grateful for him and his tv shows which also during that time kept me from crying and hurting myself. So I am a fan of evan for many years and it would be hard for me to stop being his stan and checking what is going on in his life. I am a fangirl type since forever and not only evan but other celebs too. But i just dont understand why my boyfriend is so pressed about it. I just want to watch productions with my favourite actor, thats it. I never really spoke about anything innapropriate, never said anything like omg evan is so hot I would bang him or if I had a chance I would leave you for him. Usually I was just talking about his acting skills or what a nice person he is to his fans or just my opinion about what I just watched with him like a movie or something. So idk what makes him so mad. And I saw on tik tok some people being way worst with their celebrity crushes and their partners didnt have problems. For example during johnny depp trial women were watching it with their husbands and commenting how hot johnny is all the time. Or I have that one friend who is huge fan of harry styles and she has a boyfriend who totally accept that and they going to concerts together, she wears his merch, have a huge ass cardboard figure of harry in their living room and jokes all the time to that boyfriend that she would leave him for harry and he always is like : thats understandable or harry is the only man I accept. Meantime my boyfriend has a problem that i want to watch a tv show with my favourite actor and want to support him and cheer him up for example during watching awards gala when he is nominated 😐

honestly, i don't think anyone should be telling their real life SO they would ''leave them'' for a celebrity. and i don't think anyone should even be thinking in those terms, even to joke. it's just not necessary. we have normalized a lot of abnormal feelings for celebrities because our access to them has caused it to become more common for people to create these parasocial relationships, where they feel deeply emotionally connected to what is essentially a perfect stranger. instead of thinking of them as a celebrity they admire, it is more so like friends who they have connected with. i think you really have to examine what the root cause of this friction is: is it really because your boyfriend just doesn't like you having a celebrity crush, or is it that no matter how you think you're managing it in a normal way, it's obvious to him that this person is taking up a large amount of your mental space and that it's affecting your relationship. either way, you have to determine what is most important to you. for me personally, it would be no biggie at all to never mention nor watch a program with a celebrity crush in the presence of my SO. as much time as i spend on this blog, absolutely no one close to me in ''real life'' knows i am even a fan of evan peters.

[starocean]

y’all i’m so sorry i’m hardly active on here, i really am.

i sound like a whiny baby but i’m so exhausted all the time, and mentally and physically i’m just not doing well. this has been feeding my depression and making it worse, which isn’t helping in the slightest. why do these always keep getting really long lmao

tl;dr i'm tired and all i do is sleep or lay around and rest and do nothing productive and it's taking a toll on me bc idk when i'm getting anymore extended time off and i just want to have time to properly rest and recuperate w/o worrying about work. and it's preventing me from doing anything productive

i'm a broken record but idc anymore man.

my vacation keeps getting pushed back, and i’m ngl, i’m still miffed my boss hasn’t even talked to me about it. i’m just. so tired. so physically tired that atp, if i let myself sleep without getting up to do anything that i need to do, i am getting around 12 hours of sleep or more. that’s literally half the day. i should not be sleeping that much of my time away, and it’s because my body is literally exhausted to the point that i’ve been getting headaches and fighting to stay awake while at work even when i am getting normal amounts of sleep.

i can't keep going on like this, and i really hope it changes soon bc it makes me want to cry. i hate feeling this way, feeling so sick and tired all the time. i just want my frickin extra time off, and the fact that my boss won't even talk to me about it just upsets me even more. the asm will literally pitch a fit if she can't get her vacation time or keep her off days. she does it all the time. when she starts trying to put her vacations in too close together and the sm rejects it, she will come to the store on her time off and demand to know why her time off requests were denied. she rarely has to cover for anyone if they call out, and when she does, she doesn't hesitate to let everyone know how pissy she is about it.

and not to go back to it, but that's a thing that really pisses me off about the sm trying to guilt trip me for wanting that one off-day back. i'm not like the asm. i don't gripe to all my coworkers about not having off this day or that day or whatever. i have not ever, actually, said anything to her about all the 9 - 13 day "weeks" she keeps scheduling me for (which will probably change, bc if i found out that the reason i have next weekend off is bc she's scheduling me for an extra long work "week" again, i will be saying something to her bc i'm fucking tired of it. i should not have to work two damn weeks for one day off). i have quite literally NEVER said anything about my off-days being taken without her contacting me before—even when that's been the reason i've had to work 13 days straight, but whatever—unless i had to remind her about certain times i'd already requested off bc of prior appointments (mostly for medical), and it's rare i have to say anything to her about that. i keep my displeasure to myself and bitch to my mom or on here, but i never say anything to my coworkers or my boss bc i don't like feeling like i'm being a nuisance.

but like??? that was the first double she'd had to pull in months. i've pulled more than they have, bc of someone calling out and the asm and other coworkers refusing to cover for anyone. and i still don't feel sorry for her covering that night bc she got the next day off. if i'd just let it stand and not said anything to her, it would've lead to another one of those 13-day work "weeks" for me and i wasn't having that lmfao. and, like, i am the only one that this happens to regularly. not even the girl who wants to work for days on end with no time off gets to do that. the sm has denied her requests of less time off because "you need to take time off, no one can work like that without a break here and there." which is true, yeah, but it's really fucking hypocritical bc?? she expects me to?????? she's scheduled me for these long ass "weeks" more than anyone in that store without even asking me if i'm okay with it, so????? fuck that.

it fucking sucks and it makes me wonder if i made the right decision about not taking a chance on that work-from-home job i found. i can't tell if i dodged a bullet by listening to the reviews, or if i screwed up a really good chance.

let me have my extended time off! damn!

[tartagilicious]

marius von hagen relationship headcanons // requested by anon 🍇

tysm for all of the recent attention on my artem piece, it was very very heartwarming to see all of your comments and i’m so glad you all liked it! i’m happy that this game is doing so well so far and that i finally have the opportunity to write for it! anyways, ty for this request anon, i am so in love with this man LMAO

- the circumstances between you are strange to say the least: you viewed him very differently from the way he did you at first, and the ceo at one point definitely thought you were out of his league. but after working together, after witnessing marius' skilled nature, his unfaltering smooth talk, and most of all, his overwhelming concern for you — it was safe to say you’d fallen hard.

- being on equal footing in each other’s eyes was a fairly easy thing to obtain. you’re able to see the other’s true nature in the midst of NXX investigations, and when working together, your strengths and weaknesses are out in the open. any insecurity or doubt towards the other, status related or otherwise, is cleared once you realise how much you truly click.

- you have the brains and the materials you need to do good with your thoughts, and he has the corporate strength and personal intelligence to get you further than you could ever go otherwise. in short, your skillsets mould together into one quite easily. he points this out every so often after something goes well, sporting a trademark grin. and every time, you might inevitably shake your head, but you can’t help but smile along.

- you aren’t really an extravagant person, and are seldom impressed by big displays of spending. but, coming from him, it’s a bit different — marius loves to spoil you in even the tiniest ways. that being said, his love language is definitely gift giving. since you don’t care for trends much, he takes his time to learn the things you either need or have your eyes on. this means you end up with a lot of niche belongings and/or out of place items. you don’t mind, though, if anything it’s just a reminder of him.

- he is your biggest hypeman in everything possible — he knows the struggle of not being able to pursue your true dreams, so every hobby you have that you’re skilled in is something that he’ll be sure to pay attention to and support you on.

- keeps the more expensive versions of your daily products in his bathroom for when you stay over

- protects you from press with a VENGEANCE. remember that one scene where a reporter tries to get all up in your face and he takes the mic and says something in your defence to the station? those vibes. he’ll never let someone undermine your accomplishments, especially if he’s seen you work extremely hard on that said thing? like no.

- he also feels bad that because of his identity you’re subjected to a lot more attention than you would normally be. says this to you and constantly apologises when relevant, even if you always say it doesn’t matter. because your comfort matters to him :(

- his favourite type of date to take you on is picnics!! loves the prep that he can do himself and share with you, and seeing you against the sunset? chef’s kiss, he probably has a few paintings of that scene.

- wait idk if i’m remembering this correctly but didn’t he anonymously (but not really LMAO) send the mc a painting of her saying it was a thanks for helping him in his personal story?? i think so but the vibes!! he probably has a lot of paintings of you from different nights and events, all of which that he would give to you on an anniversary with like a cute little letter from that night

- god i’m making myself cry

- drops coffee off at the firm but is busy, so he has to run. when you come down to the receptionist’s desk, on top of the cup is a post-it note with a little doodle of your face. just in case anyone forgets who it’s for ;)

[giaourtopita]

the brothers as a kpop boygroup

obey me and kpop have been my biggest hyperfixations and i just HAD to combine them. i was inspired by got7 and exo since they were (and still) are my favorite boygroups (there some some other groups i love as well but these 2 were my first and i have a weak spot for them). they're still brothers because i can't think of them as not brothers, their group is called sins because i feel like it's the right amount of catchy and corny for a kpop group name. enjoy!

warnings: no mc, fluff(?) idk tbh.

lucifer

- leader, he's the most responsible. he looks after them both as a group leader and a brother. he's strict with the choreography even though he's not the best at dancing. he wants his group to be devildom's pride when it comes to music. he does the speeches after winning an award.

- lead vocalist, he practices extra hard because he's not naturally talented at singing like some of his brothers. he usually does the lower notes when harmonizing because of his voice.

- the group's unofficial visual, his fans want him to do more cfs but he doesn't like that. he might do a cf here and there but only if he likes what he's advertising. he prefers taking acting jobs instead of doing cfs. hates being the ending fairy but does it because he loves being praised.

- some of his favorite concepts to do would be voodoo doll by vixx, fantasia by monsta x and monster by exo.

mammon

- main dancer, this man will not sit his ass down once they start the kpop random dance challenge. he can memorize a dance within a day and maybe also teach the opening to the rest of the members.

- main rapper, he takes the harder rap parts and i feel like if he likes the vibe of a song a lot he might even try to write his part himself.

- takes over as a leader if lucifer can't do it, he hates it and he kinda sucks at keeping them in line.

- visual, he does a lot of cfs and has walked on many fashion shows as a model.

- he would do VERY well in concepts like kokobop by exo, energetic by wanna one and her by block b.

leviathan

- lead vocalist, i know this kinda sounds like a stretch but hear me out, he has a lovely voice and really only started recognising his talent after singing anime openings.

- while he and his brothers were out singing karaoke, the rest of the brothers also liked his voice. he was very proud of himself that day.

- despite how shy he is, as a lead vocalist he and lucifer sing the bigger parts of the chorus. that's because levi is very confident in what he's good at.

- lead rapper, he does really well with rapping as well. after his brothers found out how good he is at singing they encouraged him to try rapping and he loved it!

- he usually also plays video games with fans as fanservice and streams a lot to interact with fans.

- concepts he'd be great at would be power by exo, mansae by seventeen and crown by txt.

satan

- lead vocalist, while vocalists are usually recognized for their high notes. satan's voice is incredibly stable, maybe too stable.

- while he's not the best at dancing and rapping his composing skills make up for it. he usually writes only for the group and his brothers' but every once in a while he writes something for someone else.

- he's reputation as a bookworm makes him perfect for advertising books but while he loves reading he only advertises books he likes as he thinks that making advertisements for books is basically giving book recommendations to his fans.

- he'd do amazing in concepts like movie by btob, love scenario by ikon and sherlock by shinee.

asmodeus

- main vocalist, does the more difficult high notes especially. he's very praised for his sweet voice. due to the fact that he's also the lead dancer he has gained a great amount of stability in his singing.

- lead dancer, due to his experience at the clubs he gained a lot dancing experience. mammon had to help him get used to learning steps at the beginning but now he can do it himself.

- visual, he gets most of the cfs and a lot of the time companies seek for him to advertise them. sometimes he convinces said companies to do cfs with all his brothers.

- he gets a lot of modeling deals with mammon, and due to his connection with people and brands related to fashion, he partners with them and creates clothes and beauty products.

- he is usually the ending fairy and he loves it, he even thinks up cute moves and gestures to do for the fans.

- he favorite concepts to do would be like blood sweat and tears by bts, love shot by exo and shine by pentagon.

beelzebub

- lead dancer, since he likes working out but is usually busy with group or solo events he started practicing his dancing mainly as a way to work out but he found that he actually really likes dancing especially if it's with his brothers.

- lead vocalist, while he's not as naturally talented as some of his brothers. he got help from satan to make his singing more stable.

- he gets a lot of cfs for gym equipment and sports clothes but a lot of the when he gets a cf he asks for his brothers to participate as well.

- he would love doing concepts like hard carry by got7, valkyrie by oneus and don't wanna cry by seventeen.

belphegor

- sub vocalist, he has a nice voice and can is fairly stable when it comes to notes but he doesn't want to get a lot lines, other than the fact that he doesn't like learning his lines he gets a little anxious when it comes to performing lines.

- sub rapper, usually he takes more rap parts than singing parts because he doesn't have to put as much effort as singing.

- he gets cfs for pillows and beds but really only does it when one of his brothers can accompany him because he usually ends up falling asleep on the set.

- he does very well in concepts like shine forever by monsta x, really really by winner and shangri la by vixx.

masterlist

[harryspet]

wrapped in red | p.parker & b.barnes

[Warnings] dark? peter parker x reader, dark bucky barnes x reader, peter is still pretty sweet and bucky is evil, aged up peter, mafia/gang au, gang boss!bucky, waitress!reader, noncon/dubcon sex, light bondage, kidnapping, bucky likes to watch 

A/N: idk its 7 am and I still haven’t slept and now I’m posting this. THIS IS ADULT & TRIGGERING CONTENT READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

In which Peter likes you and Bucky makes you both regret that. 

main masterlist

word count: 2.9k

“Can I get you anything else, sir?” You asked the blue-eyed man sitting at table eighteen. Your coworker had an emergency call so you found yourself tasked with tending to the table of two men. You didn’t recognize the man at first but as your eyes connected with his left arm … your breathing hitched in your throat. You smiled through your worry though, trying not to be too obvious about the fact that you knew exactly who he was. 

Bucky Barnes ran this neighborhood, but since you had never run into him, it was easy to believe he was just a myth. 

“No, doll. Just the check please,” He spoke simply and you might not have been intimidated if you hadn’t noted the many expensive rings on his right hand. The man sitting across from him was younger, his eyes were nervous too as he looked you over. His face was familiar and you thought you might have seen him in one of your classes. 

There were several empty beers on the table as well 

You nodded your head before turning away, “I’ll be right back.”

Peter’s eyes lingered on you as you walked away from the table. For a moment, he forgot that he was supposed to be counting. His pen roamed over the sheet and over all the numbers. 

“See, you’re only making a hundred grand from this guy's shipments. He’s using all your resources to make sure the product is clean but you could easily just do that for yourself. You cut out in the middle man and I think you could triple your profit,” Peter turned the paper so Bucky could look over all the numbers he was running. Peter folded his hands, trying to read the man’s expressions. 

As you returned to the table with the check, Peter was once again caught in the trance you put in. He recognized you from his anatomy class. He arrived at class five minutes early every day just to make sure that he could watch you come in. Part of him was unsure of what you’d think of him now, knowing who he was sitting with. 

Money didn’t grow on trees and Peter was the man of the house. College was expensive and the rent was even more expensive so he had to do what he could to get by. You were working minimum wage at a rundown restaurant, Peter didn’t doubt that you could understand that. Still, what you did was honest work and Peter couldn’t say the same for himself. 

“Thank you, doll,” Bucky thanked you, resting his arms against the table as he smirked up at you, “You doing something tonight? What time do you get off?”

Your lips parted as you stared in shock. Could you just answer a simple no? “I actually have to close up today … so I … uhm-”

“I-It’s okay,” Peter rushed out nervously, seeing the way that Bucky was eyeing you, “That’s it, thank you.”

Your smile was thin and awkward before you walked away. 

Peter’s eyes widened with frustration as he stared across the table at the older man, “What are you doing?” Bucky chuckled as he grabbed the check, clicking his pin in order to sign it. Peter didn’t know it but the man was leaving you a hefty tip, “Were you trying to scare her?”

“I was trying to get you a date!” Bucky retorted, “Your good with numbers, kid, and I appreciate you helping me out. I really do but your game with women is a little laughable.”

Peter shook his head in disbelief, “Why does it matter?” Peter lowered his voice as the realization set in that Bucky was right, “Why does it matter what kind of game I have? I’m just here to count your money, right?”

The look in Bucky’s eyes was almost sympathetic, “You count money for now but you’re strong, I can tell. You could become a very valuable person to me if you work at it. And part of being in my little family is having some fucking confidence. You were drooling over that girl instead of manning up and asking her out.”

Peter crossed his arms, “What if she said no?”

Bucky smirked at the younger boy, “She wouldn’t if you had some fucking balls,” Peter rolled his eyes, “But if she did said no … then you chase her. That’s the best part.”

There was something evil in the man's glare but Peter brushed it out. The man was a professional, drug dealing murderer. “You want to ask her to prom or something?”

Peter shook his head, annoyed, “I’m not in high school, Mr. Barnes. I just like her, okay? And it doesn’t matter that I like her because it’s not like we can date. I’m sure we both have bigger things to focus on. Now ... can we go back to talking about the deal that’s going on tomorrow?”

Bucky seemed amused by the kid’s awkwardness, “I like your idea. I hate that Brock guy anyways. He’s overcharging me because I used to mess with his sister. You know … maybe if he’s out of the picture then his sister is free territory.”

“Out of the picture how?” Bucky sensed Peter’s worry and grinned. 

“That’s right, you’ve never been on one of my infamous boat rides. You should come,” Peter knew exactly what he meant. If Bucky didn’t like you, you did not want to go on a “boat ride” with him. That was a quick and easy way for your body to end up chained to a brick at the bottom of the Hudson. 

“I have a biology project to work on,” Peter said.

“It wasn’t a question, Queens.”

+

Your heart skipped a beat as a black Escalade pulled up beside you while you were walking home. You didn’t look over as you heard the window roll down. You winced as you continued to walk. You only turned to look as you heard a whistle. 

You thought he’d give up after the weird encounter at the restaurant but here he was in all his handsome and dangerous glory, “You need a ride, doll?”

“Uhm, no. But thank you!”

What was it with kids your age? Perhaps Bucky was losing some of his edginess with the younger crowd, “Get in,” Bucky said, much more forward this time, “I just want to talk.”

You took a deep breath as you clutched your purse tightly. You found your feet moving before your mind could catch up. Your body thought you’d be safer going with him rather than arguing with the famous criminal. You heard the rumors about people that went missing because they pissed him off. Every time they seemed to arrest him, he was back on the streets weeks later. The cops, ones who he didn’t pay off, could never pin him to any of the murders. 

If you went missing because of Bucky Barnes, you and your legacy were effectively wiped away. 

He opened the back door for you and you climbed into the leather seat as he slid over. Shaking, you grabbed your seat belt and buckled yourself in. Bucky was used to the lack of eye contact and shaky fingers. It usually annoyed him but, for you, he found it endearing. 

As the door closed, the man in the front seat drove off, “What exactly do you want to talk to me about?” You asked, still confused about the entire situation. 

“My friend that sat at the table with me. Peter Parker,” Bucky spoke vaguely. 

“We don’t really know each other,” You explained, hoping that guy wasn’t somehow in trouble with Bucky, “We just go to the same college.”

“No, I know,” Bucky continued, “I just know that he’s interested in getting to know you better. And Peter’s a good friend of mine, you know?”

You nodded slowly. That meant Peter was dangerous, “Right. He’s … he’s never talked to me.”

Bucky chuckled, “He’s the shy type. You’re a pretty girl, he probably doesn’t think he’s good enough. That’s why I’m here talking to you.”

“What do you want me to do?” You asked hesitantly.

“That’s a good response,” Bucky gave you a smug look, “You’ll find out soon, doll. Sit tight.”

Your eyes widened as you looked out the tinted window, watching your apartment building pass by. Bucky’s driver gazed at you through the rearview mirror before focusing back on the road. 

+

Peter thought he wouldn’t be able to stomach. Watching a grown man cry and beg for his life before being tossed over the edge. You watched him sink and the bubbles slowly start to disappear as he went deeper, “That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Bucky had said to him.

Peter hated to say that it wasn’t as bad as he believed it would be. Perhaps the years of struggling had blackened his heart. After the murder, Bucky proceeded to drag you back to his million-dollar apartment, wanting to share a drink or to. 

Peter almost opened his mouth to say that he wasn’t twenty-one yet but knew the exact reaction he would get from Bucky. Bucky had his arm wrapped around Peter’s shoulder as he showed him to the kitchen, “One day, you’re going to have a place just like this,” He said, hinting at your luxurious surroundings, “You stick with me and you won’t need that piece of shit degree.”

Peter only nodded, accepting a beer from the man. Bucky watched as the boy chugged the content of his glass. Peter hoped it would get him through the rest of the night and help give him some liquid courage, “You’re a weird kid, Queens,” Bucky laughed, “I like it. C’mere, I want to show you something.”

You followed Bucky down the hallway, hoping it wasn’t another disturbing thing that the man found amusing, “What is it?”

“A present,” Bucky grinned, guiding Peter to the door at the end of the hallway. Peter would’ve preferred to be wowed by a million other things. Instead, his mouth was agape because he saw you. 

Whatever drugs he had given you to keep you relaxed had completely worn off. It kept you from fighting them when your clothes were cut off from your body. Your vision was blurry and your muscles were weak as they restrained your body. Now, clear as day you could see your captor … and his friend Peter. 

You were laid out on the bed, your hands handcuffed behind your back and your ankles tied together by a red ribbon. A red thong barely covered your lower region and a red ribbon wrapped around your front barely covered your nipples. Right in the middle of your chest was a red bow to compliment the red ball gag in your mouth. 

Peter flashed Bucky a mortified look. Bucky only sipped at his glass of beer, “Happy fucking birthday, kid,” Bucky beamed, “Aren’t you going to say thank you?”

It wasn’t Peter’s birthday and he was definitely not feeling thankful. Peter watched as you struggled in your bondage, frightened tears staining your cheeks. “What the hell are you doing?” Peter asked, his teeth gritted in anger, “I-I didn’t ask you to do this.”

“What?” Bucky sounded offended, “It’s creative! Think of it as a welcoming gift. I know you want to fuck her so here’s your chance. Fuck her and get rid of her-”

Get rid of you?

Bucky was interrupted by a muffled scream which only caused him to roll his eyes, “Or fuck her and keep her, I don’t care.”

“No, no, I’m letting her go-” Before Peter could take a step forward, Bucky’s metal arm gripped his shoulder. 

You felt relieved only for a moment.  Bucky stepped in front of him, “I’ll fuck her then, no point in letting the opportunity go to waste.”

Peter’s heart stopped, “Mr. Barnes, please.”

“You do it or I will,” Bucky said firmly, “You’re smart and I want to keep you around but if you can’t … take a few fun risks then maybe you’re not the type of person that should work for me.” Bucky’s words settled over him. Peter thought about losing this opportunity and all the money that would come along with it. Looking into your teary eyes, Peter thought about how rough Bucky would be with you. Maybe he could explain that … Peter mentally cursed. 

Peter didn’t answer verbally, only pushed past Bucky, walking towards the bed. Peter felt a sudden rush of adrenaline as he stalked towards the bed, “That’s my boy,” Bucky spoke excitedly. He moved towards a lounge chair in the corner of the room, still taking swigs of his drink, “There’s no point in asking. If you want it, take it. Now put on a good show for your dear boss.”

Peter knew there was no going back now. He reached out to touch your arm, only to have you flinch away from his touch. Peter had imagined touching you for the first time and it was nothing like this. Peter turned that sadness to anger in order to fuel his adrenaline. 

Peter undid the ribbon around your ankles first. As soon as they were free, you were struggling against him. Peter was much stronger than you assumed and held you in place easily. Next, he moved to your gag, “Pl-Please don’t hurt me,” You begged, your voice hoarse. 

You saw something in his eyes similar to regret. Regret for the inevitable. As you shook your head, he said, “I won’t. Just … just don’t struggle,” He tried to assure you but as he moved your body over the edge of the bed, parting your legs and settling between them, you panicked again.

“Peter, please don’t.” He perked up at the sound of his name on your lips and you thought for a moment that you had gotten to him. He paused for a moment, only for a moment, before lifting his shirt above his head. He leaned his body over yours, his mouth brushing over your ear.

“Trust me, you don’t want him touching you. Just relax,” A shiver ran down your spine and you turned your head. Your scared eyes connected with Bucky’s and he smirked. It seemed the two of you were his sick entertainment for tonight. Your breathing was heavy but you tried to keep your muscles calm. 

You tried to convince yourself that Peter was the better option. He was your age and he didn’t have that evil look in his eyes. You hated that you preferred him. You hated that you were preferring this. 

Peter placed soft kisses along your collarbone and up the side of your neck. It baffled you that you got the feeling that he wanted to be gentle with you. You were ready to jump out of your skin when you felt your panties being moved to the side but you were interrupted by Peter’s lips crashing onto yours. 

Soon, you felt him at your entrance, teasing your opening. You gasped against his lips as he slowly sheathed himself inside of you. You wanted him away but you still found that your legs wrapped around him for support. 

Peter moved his lips against yours and you felt his own body shudder as your warmness wrapped around his length. He started to move in and out of you and it took you time to get used to the invading feeling. As Peter kissed your tear-stained cheeks, you bit down on your bottom lip. His pace quickened and wished desperately that your hands weren’t handcuffed behind you. 

“Y/N,” He grunted into your ear as he made long, deep strokes inside of you, “Fuck, I’m sorry… y-you feel so good.”

As he pushed deep inside of you, your head tilted back and a frustrated moan escaped from your throat. You hated that he was making you feel good too. You felt his hand running up your thigh  and then it was between your leg, slowly rubbing that sensitive bulb between your legs. That was enough to have you moving your hips against him. 

Bucky watched intently, the blood rushing to that area between his legs. He’d keep you in mind when he was deep inside Brock’s sister. 

“Ah, ah,” Peter kissed you, swallowing your moans as you both climaxed together. 

This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. Peter was supposed to finally gather the courage to ask for your number towards the end of the semester. You were supposed to text back and forth for a few weeks and then go on a few dates. You were supposed to fall for each other the natural way. 

Bucky had stolen all that. 

As Peter pulled up his pants, zipping them up, Bucky stood from his chair, “That was moving. Very romantic,” By his tone, Peter could tell the man was hoping for something for brutal. Peter scowled at his boss, “I knew deep down you were a ladies man-”

Peter interrupted, venom in his tone, “What do you want me to do now?”

Bucky only chuckled, “Nothing like some emotional trauma to toughen someone up,” He patted Peter’s shoulder as he made his way to the door, “Why don’t you buy her dinner and then take her home? You can take my car.”

“That’s fucking it? After all that?”

Bucky turned his head as his hand grabbed a hold of the doorknob, “She knows what’ll happen if she runs to the cops. Welcome to the team, Parker.”

+

hope you enjoyed!!

[goddessjynx]

Any parent please answer?

Idk if anyone will see this, but right now I need just anyone to tell me I'm not crazy.

Am I a bad friend for wanting to hang out with my ex-bestie (eb for short) while she has her kids or she's busy and can't hang, so I offer to come over, to help watch, to help clean? Anything just to be there for her, why? Oh because she was on her third child, at this time I literally went over to her house to play dnd with her husband and brother and her sometimes. So I would try and say "hi" or talk, but instead we stayed doing something else or barely said hi. Ok, fine, hormones, got it. It got to the point of she wouldn't want to hang out with me for reasons she stopped telling me decent sounding excuses. Fine, That's fine, I have other friends who I can hang with or find other things to stay inside and not get out of the house to do. I don't need to leave the house, to get away from the suffocating inside the house with a mentally and verbally abusive, controlling husband. That's. Just. Fine.

So you know, time goes on. we find out that the reason she won't hang out with me, but will hang out with the other girl who she hates (Mind you the other chick literally broke into their house, tried to start drama all the time, and be hazardous to her already two children But who am I to judge about the person you rant to me about how you hate them so much?) But the other chick was also pregnant after divorcing her wife. It's honestly such a mess. So "anyways, I get excluded now because I "Don't understand what she's going through" or "I won't have the same experience" or I'm "not a good source of help" Lol, Okay? I still can't help? Be happy for you? Cool. So things go on, and just things have gotten worse on my end. I'm over here with such a mind debilitating baby fever, that I'm having to pull my car over watching children get off the school bus because I'm in such a crying fit that I can't breathe or see straight. So who the hell would I go to about what do I do? My Bestie right? (There's a reason we are eb rn) I tell her, well try, Idk how much she actually listened. But I tell her how I just can't think about anything else right now. I did everything right, and the world keeps slapping me back.

I own a 4 bedroom house. we have two cars, we even have decently everything working out in our favor, But all of a sudden, I'm not good enough for anyone. My own husband two months after getting married said he hasn't found me attractive for the last two years. THAnks. That's a real boost. This didn't start the fights, but that's a whole other set of rants. about a year before my eb got pregnant, around or right before July 4th, I strictly remember, I was in the walmart fucking bathroom. I had felt so sick the weeks beforehand. Like, My menstrual cycle hates me. She's savage af. Not to mention she likes to disappear randomly and appear with just cramps or a whole flood. I never know. But I remember calling my husband in a panic because I don't know what to do while I had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt, and all I have is half dollar sized clots. Just something my medical brain, and senior year of AP biology says, "Fuck!" I have him figure something out because I'm really needing someone to just hold me in the bathroom I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm dizzy and all these symptoms I tell him to tell the doctor or whoever he calls.. So he calls, they say whatever to him. I don't either remember or he never told me what they said, (this is a normal of hiding information from me, A LOT) They said (What he told me) to just wipe things up and clean up then if it persists in the next 24 hours to go into the hospital. But I will have to see an ob-gyn.

So, Okay. Nothing bad. but they are in charge of everything along those lines. But those were including two words, that I now know were the two words this man didn't want to hear despite, DESPITE all the teasing and jokes about having kids with me when I was younger with him and literally just dating. That was because I had to see a family planning doctor. I was told by HIM that it was nothing, and we will be fine. I just blamed it on my cramps that are horrible and never put thought to it because I had believed that's what he was told. So that's a trauma my brain locked away until recently as I'm going through my divorce right now. But, I was thinking about how shortly after that, I got a call from my eb about how they were all waiting on me because I'm making us late for bringing stuff to the grill out and bonfire later. Fine, mask all the pain and keep fucking going. right?

She seemed genuinely not worried, saying it was probably just a bad cycle. She gets them all the time too. Its whatever. My now bestie's sister has gone through the same thing I described multiple times, enough that she looked at me and was like, "No, You possibly miscarried." even her mom went on about, "they should've never NEVER brushed that off like they did. If they cared then they would've made sure you were ok. My husband denied me from going to the doctor to see anything about it. Even after when I knew my hormones and emotions were just soooo off. But that's in my mind now, when before maybe around the same time my eb came out saying to all of us even her own husband one time saying she's been feeling crummy because she went in and she found out she had miscarried. It was so short after my stuff that she disregarded then took and made attention for herself that upset her own husband because she never told him until she told a bunch of us at a bar. I mean I felt bad for her, but Now thinking back, my gut says it was a ploy to make her husband to feel bad for her and to try for another one. Where as I'm over here waiting patiently because I jumped through Hoops to get where I'm at now.

My husband promised me children. Lots, its a fucking dream to be a mum. I care for everyone else, and their kids, why not have some kind of mini me to show of what I did. That I did good. That I can be useful to this world too. That I'm not just a lump of no good nothing to this world. But first, he needed a better paying job than a gas station.

Did that, he worked at a metal parts production place. But we then gave the fact that we still live in the apartment I got after moving out from high school. We rented a house. It worked, and it was nice. But now he needs a car, but he cant do that until he learns how to drive. 3 years older than me and I taught him how to drive. AND I helped him buy his first car, a truck. Oh but now, we still can't start a family. We are only renting. I have enough good credit that I could get a house alone, but I needed a higher pay. Bam with his income together we got a house.

Bam, I'm hit with baby fever and what not. NOW I get told, we aren't ready for anything like that yet, so wait two years. Alright, I'll wait. I can do that. We were going to go on trips together and do many things together and all of a sudden, the walmart thing happened, and it just got worse from there. It got to a point I got a job paying BETTER than him and I was the laughing stock to him and his buddies. THANKS. But I'm fine, everything is fine. The walmart thing was about two years after, so I mean, it was actually in the time frame and whatnot. Things just kept going on getting worse at home, I just kept listening. For reasons, I had to quit my high paying job, and then everything got absolutely horrible at home. Had to put everything I had control over money wise into his account for he worried it would take too long to find an new job and make money to suffice for bills. It was argument after argument, but I went to my eb explaining things, asking what the hell do I do? Her advice? To just do what he wants. The thing I had to quit about? She basically never cared about it. Everything just went on being a mess. I went on just letting people walk over me because that was the advice I was given.

I voiced my feelings that I have been following lies and how I feel hurt that I'm told dreams and having them be taken away. We never went on trips much. Instead we would buy a crap ton of ammo or new guns that I'm not allowed to use, yet I'm helping fund so you can get them, but when it was my own that I BOUGHT, all of a sudden, my things went missing and he would be out using and letting his buddies use my new guns and using up the ammo I had purchased on my own. I mean, fine, but let me at LEAST take yours out if you're going to use mine without asking. It got to be so annoying that we would be asked when we would get married or when we would have kids. He would be hugging me and smiling all cocky saying "Oh well we haven't stopped trying." every time. He would start that tell people this and I finally had enough. I stopped him and told him to put his money where his mouth was. He always said shit but never actually did it or acted on what he said. He would just lie to everyone. Tell people lies because it sounded nice. Best part? I had bought a ring for him. I proposed to him because he would joke about things like that. So I basically said, "bet" and did it. I have never received a damn ring! He wouldn't even want to look at them with me. Because they were expensive. Not all of them are. I don't care what price it is, but something to say, "Hey, I love you and Don't want the odd peeps at the bar to keep hitting on you so take this with you, its dangerous out there." (Shut up. I'm a nerd) But like.... I just would make notions about, I wanted a ring. He would beg me to pool together money and buy new guns, I mean I"m not against, but I would bring up that I will want a ring. Or even something else would be you know, amazing right now because I'm in a lost place wanting kids still and my eb just announced they were having their third. (which her own family was so upset about it that they ranted to me and my mom, her own brother said that its just another kid that they will end up taking care of instead of her so she can go to the bars again. Yep) So next we talked about getting a gun safe because, before we can have kids, we need to be SAFE. Ight, we bought it. Nice matte black 33 capacity, fire and water proof, best part the front had a reallly pretty engraved waving American flag imprinted on it. It was just so smooth. (Guess who has that right now btw) So oddly enough in the middle of me not being enough for my eb, My cycle kind of returned to being semi regular, and all of a sudden disappeared. Well that whole month beforehand we went from never wanting to touch me unless it was my birthday to every night he was angry after work and took it out on me instead. I mean, whatever. But when it came to me not feeling well, I told him.

Instantly it wasn't mine. I was fooling with other guys. Like instant psycho. His childhood friend came and moved up with us, she saw this for a good few months and had to move out because he was trying to control her as if she were a child. She told me that it was not right for him to be that way and that she will never talk to him for how he treated her. (which was exactly how he was always with me too) I'm not sure if he was trying to get my jealous because his bff was a girl? Idk we worked out like literally sisters. Sooo much in common and she told me, She believes he's never wanted kids. And she watched how I broke down after he told me he wanted nothing to do with me until I took a test. He DEMANDED that I took a test right away. If it was positive, it wasn't his until proven so. And if it was negative he would be fine. this was ridiculous. He wasn't at all happy or excited. Purely upset. I felt so shitty that after the test was negative I told him and he threatened about it happening again he was leaving back to Kansas. He threatened this every damn fight, it got to the point that I gave up, I said leave then. And instantly he shut up. I got him out of gangs, crime, jail, living on the street or with his mum, and being a maaajor drug addict. Yet I'M THE BAD PERSON.

Back to recently when my eb is getting closer to having her kid, I just go through finding out I'm not and my husband is freaking out at me, nonstop yelling at me that I'm not good enough and all this shit. Yes, lil ol me trying to keep the peace in the house is a cunt and a whore. Wow. Name calling, but hitting where it hurts? I told him before, how my mother in an argument said I would be a horrible mother. And that shit sticks. IT STICKS. So what does the smart ass pull out? He repeats it. He says he's glad I'm not pregnant because I'd be a horrible mother in the end.

That. That just kills a person. That kills dreams and the feeling of wanting to keep living. Who the FUCK says that to their partner? Am I wrong for thinking that's not right? Well my eb thought I was. I told her my feelings. How I don't want to be jealous of her, but I am. That she's more beautiful, she's always had guys hitting on her in school inviting her to do things and hang out, I was the nerd in whatever class that got invited only if it was mandatory. She will be having three kids and a loving husband that can never take his hands or eyes from her, where as I have to act like a clown to get my husband to look up from his damn phone. To say something nice. To

be acknowledged while in the house. I've left and came back the next morning because I hung out at my now besties house. He didn't say a word until I came home the next morning and he looked at me like "when the fuck did you leave" No care, no love. I was stuck being a burden. Anything I ever did around the house was in vain. Everything I helped with I got shoved away because I didn't do it right. EVERYTHING I did was not good enough. I would tell him this that is how I felt and he would deny it. One day, I caught him yelling at me saying that what I did wasn't ever good enough. Calle him out right away. Bitch... He tried to change the wording to go around what he said. I HEARD IT. it was so bad I had to have my bestie on the phone to listen to how he talked to me behind closed doors. Away from public view. HER MOM HEARD IT. Thought she was watching some kind of dramatic show, until she realized it was me on the phone. She's listened to so many calls its unheard of. There was a day, I had enough of it. (Ok A lot actually) but I grabbed my laptop and my charger and left the house. I sat in the park drawing on my laptop. Texted every person I could think of that I cared so deeply for that they would care for me back. I was in a dark ass place asking for Advice. My eb shrugged off what my husband was doing and scolded me for leaving. For sitting in a park drawing out my feelings instead of being with him because he's being dramatic to her husband upset that I started an argument. I didn't understand what I started when it was over me telling him not to throw the controller when he loses a COD game because that's how it breaks. Why he threw it? Because I distracted him by playing with my cat while he was playing the damn game and made him lose! yep. Exactly that. So I was yelled at to quit. So I did. I went back to my drawing and then with my headphones on I was humming to my music. It distracted him and he lost. So I flipped out because I can't do anything in my own house without being scolded for it. So I stormed off to the bedroom to draw some more. I'm upstairs and away from him. Didn't want to eat now I'm stressed and upset. So I didn't cook anything and now he's hungry and upset at me for not making food yet. YES. That's how it started and I again was the bad person in the story for safely removing myself from an environment where all my mind was telling me to do was dark things that hurt to say. To give up on everything I have worked for and all my dreams.

That was the last time I spoke to her for a while because everything started to be only about baby and about doing this for baby. Doing that for baby. But then she would never answer me back. I was done trying to fit time to hang out. To do something, I made new friends who didn't have kids and hung out more with them. It got horrible. the sound of a child crying made my stomach hurt. I had non stop dreams of the same thing happening. It was just awful. I looked it up and it was just meaning I had something and lost it. Whatever is missing in the dream what what I had lost.

In this dream I was dressed in all black, lace and long dress covering every inch of skin on my body. I had a hat with a veil and I was rocking a bundle in my arms in an old decrepit room with peeling paint and broken toys. It was a nursery. An old ruined nursery. I was rocking just a black blanket swaddled with a hole that emptied to the void. It gives me chills, I get this dream so much that me explaining just makes my skin crawl and my body ache. It hurts to think of but I just cannot understand it. Makes sense now that I looked into it.

But me going through all of this, I can't talk to my husband about my feelings because I'm too needy and being selfish for not taking his feelings into an account. That he's not ready that we are not ready and that I'm not ready because I'm going to be a horrible mom. Cool.

I have tried so much. I couldn't be around kids. It made me so sick and I jus would have to find somewhere to hide and cry for hours. I would cry myself to sleep. Never getting comfort by him because I'm throwing a pity party. I was so hurt. Still am. I'm broken hearted. Thinking that if I had a kid, at least I would have something that needed me and would love the care I gave and would love me back. I wanted to feel loved for how much I put out in the world. I wanted to have something to ground me to this world before I did something stupid. I was in such a dark place that I drove an hour to go see my bestie because I was scared that I was going to do it. That I was going to be the big disappointment he told me I would always be. Three months later, baby is here and I go back to playing dnd with my friends and its at their house. My husband is rubbing it in my face. He's holding baby and talking to baby and doing all these things making my mind break. He asks if I want to hold her. If i if iififififi NO.

I can't I cannot. I'm trying to be respectful. I missed out on other games because I had to hype myself up. I procrastinated because I didn't know how I would be or if I could handle it. I got to the point that my eb's husband told me that he doesn't want me playing anymore because I sent a text trying to apologize to my now eb that I feel so bad but I can't see her right now since seeing her kids just sends me into a panic attack and I can't stop thinking horrible things. So she takes that as I have a problem with HER kids and not just the KIDS situation. Doesn't hear me out. blames me for everything and has me banned from coming over. in which her husband says he doesn't want me over anymore. Which my rebuttal is because she's telling him only. But he said it was his choice. I don't know don't care. It just hurt that THATS the reason I got kicked out. Not because I was good, but that I couldn't handle their kids. And I would not pay attention by drawing the whole time. I was distracting myself because I'm trying to drown out the noises of cooing making my gut rot and my mouth dry. So by all means I'm selfish for wanting a dream that I was being promised for the last 6 years of physically being with my soon to be ex. I've know for actually 12 years. And that I drove 15 hours to bring you to me since you couldn't drive.

So I need to know from real parents, was I out of line for telling my eb that I had feelings and that them not being heard or just cast to the side hurt? Am I crazy for feeling that I've been robbed? For being upset when my husband comes home drunk and abuses me? For being hurt when I'm called all sorts of names and told I'm worthless by the man I should trust the most? Please. I need to know.

I know I'm ranting, but I need to get it out. I need to find some sort of something to figure out why I'm feeling this way, or why I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm fighting for the divorce since i haven't been to my owned house in the last 5 months since he changed the locks on me. I moved an hour away from my home and my family and still to this day, I hurt to hear or watch children around me. I'm happy, but inside something aches and just feels empty. Not to mention that I got told by people that know me that he's been caught buying condoms. We are still technically married, and he can't be doing those things right now. Am I jealous? Upset? Hurt? All of the above? It just sucks and I'm drowning in debt a bit trying to work my ass off to get where I want in life again since all of everything has been ripped from me. I'm trying. Please let me know if I'm crazy or out of line? I want to be heard. I'm going to start to save up. I have a plan for my 27th birthday. If it doesn't work in time for my 28th birthday, I'm not sure what else I can do but join the 27 club.

[khaleesiofalicante]

HI! I FINALLY HAVE TIME! VERY TIRED BEEN UP SINCE 7 BUT REALLY WANNA READ AND LIVEBLOG CAUSE I MISS THAT SHIT

also I think I might be lactose intolerant? but I only get really fucking bad headaches, nausea and the like from milk but am pretty okay with other dairy products and it...oh wait no ice cream and yogurt also make me sick after I pass a certain limit and is this why cheese makes my stomach feel weird sometimes? okay theory, I am not TOO lactose intolerant. main problem is milk and the rest I can have in limits. makes sense.

also HOW ARE YOU?? I'VE BEEN SO SWAMPED WITH THINGS THAT I'VE SPENT MOST NIGHT SO DRAINED AND DEAD IT'S CRAZY.

BUT I DID CATCH UP ON IALS AND READ THE FIRST 3 CHAPTERS OF LBAF.

alright! CHAPTER 4!!

david loml it'll be fine...probably idk man I am really scared for y'all

Alright random person...I will fight you in an abandoned parking lot for this DO NOT DO THIS SHIT

David :((

First I cry over IALS mavid...now I have to cry over lbaf mavid. what is this happening

DAVID! NO DO NOT DO THAT TO YOURSELF RIGHT NOW!

also there's this thing called Communication. Not sure y'all have heard of it though. Lmk if you need a dictionary :)

to the fucker attacking the institute, motherfucker I will literally push you off a building

maybe it's someone who wants him to not be the head of the institute for whatever reason?

Anyway Anjali so hot so efficient would literally die for her

david you good bro? God I love it when the kind ones go feral

no but srsly you good? Well no but like...Im worried. For his health. David :((

“Ask for help,” she said again. “And if you are feeling overwhelmed, take a break.”

QUEEN SHIT

“Revenge means you are being harmed in return for the suffering you’ve caused,” Anjali told him. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You did the right thing. So, even if it is Asmodeus, this isn’t revenge. This is an attack, David. And I intend to put an end to it.”

God I love it when women

the picture I WILL SOB DO NOT DO THIS TO ME

Them :((

“Why do people call me baby boy or baby girl?” David wondered out loud.

AJHSHUIDC JACE

petition to only call david baby boy or baby girl from now on

I've been watching The Crown (it took me three days to get through episode 1 but let's not talk about that) so I am literally hearing all the dialogues in with an english accent. It's...something

Some people drank alcohol to relax. David drank tea.

Bitch same.

I've lately fallen in love with Earl Gray. I drink it while I'm studying. I sit down at my desk with my tea and only then do I get to work. Helps me focus and keep my anxiety at bay. Good shit.

same energy as me realising how quickly I had been going through my tea. I...I've been way too stressed lately too, hon. NOT THIS WEEKEND THOUGH HHAHA

he would love a cake <3

oh to have someone buy me overpriced magic chocolate

DARK?? HUH

prince...?

WJAT IS HAPPENING WOMAN EXPLAIN

that's so romantic though 🥺

LEVI?? TIS YOU??

in my relating a bit too much to david era kjkcuhud

Bitch I know you're stressed as fuck so like?? TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF?? Srsly, shit's really hard rn for you and it's gonna get harder. Take a nap or something

“Mon ange,” David chuckled and pointed at the screen. “He went back in time and is literally trying to sleep with his own mother.”

I AM SORRY, WHO IS DOING WHAT NOW

NOT NOW! FUCK NO!

not the ICE CREAM

also yeeeeeeeeeee camilaaaaaaaaaa

david and anjali wedding CRYING SOBBING SHAKING LOOK AT THEM

that's a really long proposal dude you're not writing an essay

 “My fave power couple is getting hitched. Do it soon!”

Live footage of me

omg the talk with the parents huduifuifugiugf

I love rafe so muvh omg

anjali truly the best person out there

THEM OH MY GOD THEM

I am so soft rn no one talk to me

Marry me. Marry me. Marry me.

SOBBING

they're so amazing I could cry

how bout I punch Kingsley

Oooo marcus

marcus is kinda cool though. I'll probably not like him by the end of this but still

what...what is he working on

what the fuck you on dude?

i love camila so much

damn girl!!

oh marcus...Yeah I remember now what he was doing...

ah yes, the seashell

cool motives but like...that's not gonna happen

we don't live in a perfect world bud. exploitation and prejudice are the first two words that come to my mind when I think of his thoughts becoming a reality.

He didn’t like it when Mallory was in a bad mood. He wanted her to be happy.

Mal in a bad book ends horribly for every person she has ever interacted with

DON'T SMOKE

I was watching The Crown and George is LIKE SICK AS FUCK MAN IS DYING LEAVING BEHIND A DAUGHTER NOT PREPARED FOR THE CROWN JUST YET AND HE'S SMOKING. Sir you just went through a surgery to remove one of your lungs?? you have cancer?? You're coughing up blood?? AND YOU'RE SMOKING!!!

"I know," she smiled at him. "My destiny is Max."

Oh no...I will stab :)

“I’ll ask Jeff to ready the jet,” he smiled at her.

The...what...that is so bad for the environment dude I'm pretty sure there is a beach in New York...I forgot how rich they were for a second there...Taylor swift core

Sometimes...you just wanna get stabby with someone...the someone is two someones...

If they do something to Anjali...

Sigh

AYY IT'S SELENA AND GIGI

AND LEXI

lexi...I love you so much but please...just talk to liv about this

YOU CAN'T DO SHIT LIKE THIS OH MY GOD

lexi YOU CAN FUCKING FLY

I will repeat advice I gave in part 2 (?). Fly there, tell her, fly away.

:)

gabriel and selena >>>>

“Relationship drama waits for no one,” Selena huffed. “Besides, stop making excuses, Lex. Just do it.”

putting off stuff like this makes it so SO much worse lex.

LIV AND LEX ARE SO AMAZING

OH I HAVE A STORY

We threw a farewell for someone right? and that day my friends and I were all sitting together and one of us had a permanant marker so like rational people, we wrote on our hands. I wasn't sure what to write but then I remembered seeing an anon say that their shipname should be lixi so that is what ended up going on the place underneath my thumb. You know where you can feel the bone? I wrote "Lixi" right there. Nice day that was.

which reminds me I need to make plans for my birthday next week with my friends-

ANYWAY

No amount of biceps or boobs will distract her today.

me to me every morning

and I love you guys <33

The man went to Idris to talk to the Inquisitor.

Good luck and god bless!

SCREAMING

Lexi stared at the numbers. It gave her a fucking headache

Me in maths everyday.

My math test went so well today I got everything right EXCEPT MY DUMBASS FORGOT TO SOLVE THE LAST PART OF THE LAST QUESTION I HAD THE TIME I SIMPLY DID NOT REMEMBER TO SOLVE IT FURTHER I WILL THROW MYSELF FROM A CLIFF

ahem

“Wait,” Lexi said. “Are you saying these are not demon attacks?”

Imma get the knives

Lexi was going to help Gabriel figure this out. She was going to find out who was hurting her brother like this.

Hurting him with paperwork!

And she was going to kick their ass!

AHHUKDCUIFV HELL YEAH LEX

lots of blob thingies

“Have you guys seen shadow demons? They’re the demons of Lucifer.”

foreshadowing

I am sorry they materialized WHERE

grabriel is so cool omg

THE SONG CHOICE YES

She was talking about some issue with the warlocks in LA not being able to use magic

foreshadowing

lexi NO METAPHORS PLEASE

Lex I told you not to go with metaphors...sigh

this is really entertaining though.

LMAOO LEXI PLEASE-

Oh. OH DISCOVERY

Shit. white...who's magic is white?

FUCKING HELL

and on this note a very good night I can't wait to sleep. LOVE YOU!

Evieeeee. I missed your live blogs so much 😭😭😭

Here is a meme that perfectly captures my reaction to it

I like the live blog too akskskssm but the random gossip 😍😍😍

Your Lexi energy is unmatched 😎

[splendidly-secret-sick-fics]

Ooo! What about Kuroo feeling really unwell during training camp while training with Bokuto, Akaashi, Tsukki, Hinata and Lev? He's probably felt bad for a while, but just suffered through. So when everything becomes too much, a panicking Hinata runs to get Kenma... and you can decide the rest.

Only if you're comfortable with writing it though! Have a nice day!

Leaders Don’t Cry: a Kuroo sickfic

Pairing: sick Kuroo, caretakers Kenma, Tsukki, Bokuto, Akaashi, kinda Hinata & Lev

Word Count: 4,266

Warnings: vomit, swearing, slight emetophobia, and sad Kuroo :(

———————————————————

Thanks for the request friend :) I’ve only ever written Kuroo & Kenma as side characters, so this was kinda fun!!

I’m not super super happy with the overall product, but that’s alright. I do feel like maybe it’s not super cohesive? Idk. Let me know!! I look forward to improving my characterization of Kuroo and Kenma.

———————————————————-

Kuroo was a Leader. He was someone that others looked up to. Someone you could depend on.

Leaders were extroverts though, and Kuroo had to admit he did his best Recharging alone in his room or the quiet company of the Kenma. That’s an Introvert Thing, apparently. Even when he was young, too many people or too much social interaction drained him. Another Introvert Thing.

When he met Kenma and started playing volleyball, it seemed he naturally outgrew his Introvert Model, shedding his shy, intimidated outer-self. It was easily replaced with the Extrovert Model.

Now, Kuroo liked being surrounded by his team and his friends and he liked meeting new people. That’s an Extrovert Thing. So Kuroo was an Extrovert.

(“That makes you an Introverted Extrovert, Kuro,” Kenma told him one day. Kuroo didn’t understand how that could possibly be a thing.)

As an Extrovert, it was only natural that he became the captain of his volleyball team his third year. It was only natural that he was the Bridge between Karasuno and the Tokyo powerhouse schools.

(Kenma claimed, when the two of them were alone at least, that it was really his friendship with Chibi-Chan and their coaches that did that. Kuroo refused to concede this point.)

As the Leader and Bridge, it was again only natural that not only his team, but also other teams’ players were drawn to his wisdom and sparkling personality.

(“You forced yourself on them,” Kenma sighed.)

And that’s how he, Kuroo Tetsuro, Certified Extroverted Leader, came to be in Gym Three, long after their main practice ended with two of Karasuno’s first years, Bokuto, Akaashi, and Lev.

And that’s also how he ended up in the Worst Possible Situation.

It went down like this.

They were at another training camp with the Fukurodani Group and Regular Guests, Karasuno High. It was a short one, thrown together quickly because of the long weekend.

After much convincing (read: coercion) from him and Bokuto, Tsukishima Kei agreed to join them again for blocking practice. They pushed because Kuroo couldn’t stand to watch this kid’s talent waste away and Bokuto was personally offended that Tsukki still didn’t seem to enjoy volleyball.

It should have come as no surprise that Karasuno’s Hinata Shoyo joined in again, determined to redeem himself from his previous loss at the last camp.

And then because Haiba Lev decided that Chibi-chan and him were rivals, he joined in too.

(Akaashi claimed he had no choice but to join. It was either endless practice or endless Dejected Bokuto. Kuroo thinks he’s just masochistic.)

Their first night was awesome. He saw a fire ignited in Tsukki and got to smash Bokuto’s spikes back in his face. Plus, his ego was boosted because the three first years were all wowed by his skill.

Tonight, however, was not great. If he was honest with himself, things were bad from the second he woke up, and promptly wanted to curl back into his futon.

His head hurt and his body ached. The sounds of his team waking up and getting ready for the day set his nerves on edge the second he heard them. He felt overcrowded and overstimulated and he wasn’t even out of bed yet.

It had all the signs of a Recharge Alone Day, but it was the last full day of a training camp in which he was supposed to be a Leader. So, he pushed that all aside and got up to go lead.

As the day progressed, Kuroo gave more and more thought to Kenma’s “Introverted Extrovert” theory. He still loved his team and wanted to be around them. He did want to participate in the games and hang out with the other teams.

He also so so very badly wanted to sit in the dark for the next several hours.

Kuroo’s headache only grew more insistent as the day went on, likely due to the sounds of squeaking shoes, bouncing volleyballs, and the too warm summer heat. He got increasingly more fidgety and nervous all day and it made him uncomfortable in his own skin. That, added to the already ever-present soreness of his limbs only served to make him more miserable.

But he was the Captain, so he shoved those feelings down, ignored his headache, and tried to act as normal as possible. For the most part, his plan worked and no one bothered him about what might be wrong. Kenma was the only one that eyed him suspiciously every time his Extrovert facade slipped a little. At the end of the regular practice, his best friend approached him slowly.

“Hey,” he said, his voice quiet as usual.

“Kenma! What’s up, dude?” Kuroo forced, trying to maintain his usual Extrovert Mode.

“Cut the crap, Kuro,” Kenma sighed, blunt and exhausted as usual.

“Kenma, what are you—“

“Are you sick?”

The question caught Kuroo off guard. Was he sick? He thought it was just an Introvert Day that he had to push through. Maybe Kenma had a point though? It wasn’t like he normally felt this drained during a training camp. That usually came after the camp ended.

“No,” he eventually replied and waved his hand, “nah. Just tired. I think practicing with the guys at night took more of my energy than usual.” That must be it. He didn’t usually have to put out that much energy after practice. Lev, Hinata, and Bokuto were all True Extroverts, after all. Unlike Kuroo, who just molded himself into one. It made sense.

Kenma studied him with wide eyes before relenting and saying “Don’t push yourself, Kuro.”

“I won’t, don’t worry. I am a little tired though so maybe I’ll forgo evening prac—“

“Kuroo-san!” Hinata ran up to them, “are we practicing again today?? I want you to show me that cool wha-BAM block again!!” He jumped up and slammed his hands down, most likely trying to imitate exactly what he was trying to convey. All the loud explanation did was call attention back to his headache.

“Shoyo, Kuro was actually just saying that he was—“

“On my way to look for you Chib-chan!” Kuroo interrupted. Kenma narrowed his eyes at him, but Kuroo couldn’t deny the little red headed twerp.

“Let’s go grab something to eat and then we’ll round up the others.”

Hinata looked at him with those stupid starry eyes and nodded before running off to pester Tsukishima. Kuroo deflated some.

“Kuro. It’s okay to take breaks. I know you think that this is what you should be doing as Captain, but it’s alright to say no sometimes,” Kenma said.

“I know, Kenma,” Kuroo smiled gently, ignoring the uneasy feeling in his gut, “Thank you for looking out, but I’m fine! It’s only one more day. Tomorrow afternoon once everyone’s gone, I’ll just hang out in my room. You can come over if you want and play that new game I bought.”

Kenma studied him again before letting out a long-suffering exhale.

“Sure. Sounds good.”

After they ate, the six of them met up in Gym Three for another three on three. On the outside, things were going well. On the inside, Kuroo’s head was quickly descending into chaos.

He pretended that Bokuto, Lev and Hinata weren’t too loud. He pretended that he had enough energy to show them the same move seven times. He pretended he was enjoying this.

All the while, his headache slowly transitioned into a migraine, his limbs got heavier, and his dinner swirled in his stomach nauseatingly. It took maximum effort to stay awake, let alone play a three on three with three of the most energetic people he’d ever met before.

It all came to a head when his feet slammed down after blocking one of Bokuto’s cross shots. The power behind those normally made him stumble upon landing, but this time it sent a sharp pain shooting through his head and stars dance in his vision. He couldn’t regain his footing, and he stumbled onto his ass.

“Kuroo-san?” Akaashi asked when he didn’t get back up. He couldn’t get back up. The stars were still there and he couldn’t really find his feet.

“Y-yeah?” he stuttered.

“Hey, hey, hey, Kuroo, you alright my man?” Bokuto’s voice boomed and he winced before he could stop himself.

“Kuroo-san? What’s wrong?” Akaashi was kneeling beside him now. He could tell by the proximity of his voice.

“Just a a little...dizzy,” he forced a laugh, trying to play it off. He squeezed his eyes shut and brought a hand up to squeeze at his temples. What the hell was happening?

“Kuroo-san! Do you want some water?” Hinata’s voice rang and clanged in his head. He groaned.

“Kuroo-san, don’t die!!” Lev’s voice pounded. He grimaced.

“Would you idiots keep it down?” Tsukishima, beautiful, quiet Tsukishima commanded.

“Hey, Stupid we’re just trying to help!” Hinata screeched.

“And clearly he’s got a headache, you massive dolt. Keep your volume down,” Tsukki snapped back. Kuroo would thank him if the room would stop spinning.

Suddenly, a hand was on his forehead.

“You’ve got a fever,” Akaashi stated.

Oh. Well, Kenma was right after all. He was sick. The confirmation snapped something into place and all of his emotions, his control, whooshed out of him in one fell swoop. All the symptoms he ignored all day came to the very front of his mind and all he could think about was how miserable he felt.

“Oh,” he choked around the abrupt knot in his throat. He blinked his eyes open and turned to look at Akaashi. The setter was serious as ever, but there was a small frown on his lips and tiny furrow to his brows.

“Bokuto-san, can you bring me your warm up jacket?”

Bokuto nodded and quickly, but thankfully quietly, brought their jackets over and Akaashi draped it around Kuroo’s shoulders.

“Kuroo-san, do you want to lie down?” he soothed.

“Akaashi, I don’t feel good,” he muttered. There was a burning in his eyes and a quiver to his lips that he really wished would go away.

“I know. We’ll get you to your room, but first, I need you to get yourself together some.”

“I don’t...I don’t feel good,” he said, an all too evident shake in his voice. This is not what Leaders do. But he felt so terrible, there was nothing he could do to prevent this sudden onslaught of emotions. Before he knew it, warm tears rolled down his flushed cheeks.

“Kuroo-san!” Hinata screeched. Tsukishima smacked him upside the head. He glared and rubbed the back of his head.

“Kuroo-san,” he tried again, quieter this time, “don’t cry, please. It’s okay!”

Kuroo couldn’t help it. He appreciated Hinata’s attempts at comfort, but he was so drained and he was so sick and he couldn’t help it.

“Kuroo, what can we do to help, man?” Bokuto asked gently, much to his and Akaashi’s (flustered and very evident) surprise. He sat down by Kuroo and rubbed a hand soothingly up and down his back. It helped for a second, but then it just made his skin crawl and his stomach turn.

“I I don’t...I don’t know,” he whimpered pitifully, “I don’t feel good.” He exhaled and dropped his chin to his chest. The downward spiral of both his physical and mental condition brought him further and further into his own self-incurred misery. He needed someone else to be the leader. Anyone.

“Ahhhh, Kuroo-san.” Hinata flailed.

“What about Kenma?” Lev whisper-yelled. Hinata’s spine straightened sharply.

“Good idea, Lev! I know where he is. I’ll go get him!” Hinata proclaimed and ran out.

“Kuroo, what doesn’t feel good?” Bokuto asked.

Kuroo inhaled shakily.

“Head.. my head hurts. And I’m sore and uh and my st-stomach,” he responded through panting breaths.

“There’s a stomach bug that just hit a couple of the player’s on Shinzen’s team,” Tsukishima supplied helpfully.

“Sounds like you might’ve picked that up, Kuroo-san.” Akaashi clicked his tongue.

This was news to him. It must’ve just happened because usually the captains kept each other up to date on those kinds of things as soon as they could. If that was true, that would explain why it came on so quickly. He was fine yesterday. Even just a few hours ago, he was nothing but a little groggy. Now it felt like he got hit by a bus.

If it was a stomach bug, that meant….

“No, no,” he panicked, “no I don’t want that.” He wrapped his hands around his swirling stomach.

“Kuroo, calm down. It’s alright. You’re gonna make it worse,” Bokuto said. Kuroo shook his aching head.

“No I hate throwing up, Bo,” he whimpered and dropped his head to look at his shaking hands.

“Oh…” Akaashi breathed, “do you feel like you might?”

“I don’t know,” he said again. Because he didn’t want to. He absolutely did not want to puke. Not in front of these first years. That might ruin all of his credibility as an upperclassmen, let alone the Captain of a powerhouse school.

Geez, what a pitiful and pathetic display he was putting on. He was supposed to be someone these kids looked up to, and now they were helping him.

“Here,” Tsukishima said, handing Akaashi and Bokuto a bucket from the supply room. Kuroo eyed it distastefully.

“It’s just in case, Kuroo-san!” Lev tried. But the more Kuroo got worked up in spite of himself, the more he realized that wasn’t true. His current emotional state wreaked havoc on his head, which in turn twisted his gut.

Several minutes passed and Kuroo took the time to collect himself so that he could get it together enough to go to his room. At least there he could be miserable and pathetic alone.

While he was able to get himself to stop crying, the come down from the sudden rush of emotions only made his other symptoms that much more prevalent.

Kuroo groaned miserably, “where’s Kenma?”

“Hinata-kun has gone to get him. He’ll be back soon hopefully.”

“Akaashi, I don’t feel good,” he whined and curled tighter in on himself.

“I know,” Akaashi said.

“Feels… bad…” he swallowed thickly.

“Kuroo…” Tsukishima warned. He shook his head.

“‘M sorry,” he mumbled. Something heaved in his stomach and he pulled his shoulders up to his ears and brought the back of his hand to his mouth.

“Y’guys should go,” he said around the pool of saliva in his mouth and the heaviness of his jaw. Who he was talking to at this point, he wasn’t sure. He just knew that being around him right now was only asking to catch this. He also knew he was about to puke and he really wanted to try and maintain some of his dignity.

“Too late for that, numbskull. We’ve been around you for days. If we’re gonna catch it, we’re gonna catch it. Might as well make sure you don’t die,” Tsukishima said. Kuroo, behind his mounting nausea and hazy brain, was touched by his salty kouhai’s attempt at comfort.

“I think he meant he doesn’t want you to see him spew, Tsukkidude,” Bokuto murmured. His hand was still on Kuroo’s back and while it was more comforting than bothersome now, it also served to swirl things around in his stomach and brain. He nodded lethargically.

“Kuroo-san, if you could, uh— please, just, um...wait...for Kenma-san, I think it would make you feel, uh, better. To have him here, that is. Instead of...uh...me,” Akaashi stammered. Kuroo heard the nervousness in his voice and felt bad. There wasn’t much he could do to stave off the inevitable though.

“You squeamish, ‘Kaashi?” Bokuto asked.

“Uhhhh,” Akaashi hesitated, high pitched, “maybe a little.”

“Bo,” Kuroo panted, punctuated by a sick hiccup.

“I gotcha, buddy. Bucket’s right here,” Bokuto reassured and placed the bucket in his lap. “You can leave guys, I got this.” He said to the other three.

“Yeah...I’m gonna take you up on that,” Lev said uneasily. “Sorry Kuroo-san.” He bowed and then sprinted out of the gym. Tsukishima looked more hesitant, but ultimately bowed and left as well.

“Akaashi?” Bokuto said right as Kuroo spit into the bucket. The sounds of their conversation faded in and out with the rest of Kuroo’s surroundings. All he could fully register was the lump of something nasty moving up his chest. All he could see was the blinding red color of the bucket.

A few airy burps that grated his throat passed through his parted lips. He whimpered.

“It’s alright, Kuroo,” Bokuto’s voice filtered through the haze. He gagged.

It hurt. It hurt so badly. Each heave, gag and hiccup that plagued him for the next several moments.

Where was Kenma?

Kuroo coughed, hiccupped, and a small stream of vomit trailed out of his mouth. It wasn’t enough. It still hurt. He wheezed.

“Hey, Kuroo-san, try to take deep breaths,” Akaashi’s shaky voice commanded.

“Can’t,” he gasped, coughing up more bile.

Fuck he wanted this to be over.

Cough, gasp, puke. The painful, horrific cycle repeated for several tense minutes. It didn’t relieve any of his discomfort.

Bokuto patted his back and tried to offer comforting words. Akaashi wouldn’t look at Kuroo, but he was there, another steady presence to offer some grounding to Kuroo.

“Kuroo- san! I found Kenma!” Hinata’s voice cut through his misery. “He was in the shower. I’m sorry it took so long!”

“Kuro,” Kenma said, voice calm, blunt, comforting. He took Akaashi’s place at his side, his Snorlax slippers and ratty sweatpants taking up Kuroo’s peripheral.

“I don’ feel good,” Kuroo told him around the bile coating his mouth. Kenma put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

“I gathered that,” he said with amusement, “it’s okay. Just relax.”

Kuroo shook his head. Relaxing meant letting this happen. He did not want it to happen.

“Tetsu, don’t be an ass,” Kenma sighed, exasperated.

“Kenma,” he whimpered. The hand on his shoulder squeezed again.

“How long has he been like this?” Kenma directed at someone else in the room.

“About 15 minutes,” Akaashi’s shaky voice answered.

“Shit, Tetsuro, why didn’t you say anything sooner?” Kenma asked. Kuroo shook his head slowly.

“Didn’ re’lize,” he slurred. His stomach cramped and his inhaled sharply through his teeth and gripped tightly at his shirt. As soon as the cramp passed, he gagged, his body jolting forward.

“Uh, I’m gonna—I’m gonna go,” Hinata stuttered out and then Kuroo heard his tiny feet run from the gym.

“Can you two go get Nobuyuki and Yaku from the Nekoma quarters? I’m sure Lev is looking for them, but he’s an idiot,” Kenma demanded of Akaashi and Bokuto, the inflection behind his voice commanding and unwavering. It comforted Kuroo in ways he didn’t understand.

Despite how it appeared to onlookers, Kenma was alway the one taking care of Kuroo. More than Kuroo took care of him, anyway. The setter always knew exactly what Kuroo needed before he even said anything. He was passive most of the time, content to let things be, but stubborn and steadfast when he needed to be. Which was something that Kuroo was grateful for, too prone to letting his emotions take over. Kenma was a sturdy support for Kuroo when he was at his weakest.

“They’re gone, Testsu. Relax and let it happen. It’s just you and me,” Kenma told him. He put his forehead on the top of Kuroo’s matted, sweaty hair. The parts of Kenma’s hair that touched Kuroo were wet and cold. It felt nice. 

The uncharacteristic gentle action from Kenma made something in Kuroo’s chest twinge and he whimpered, fresh tears dropping into the bucket.

Kuroo could be himself with Kenma. He didn’t need to be the Captain or a Leader or an Extrovert or even an Introverted Extrovert. He could just be Kuroo.

“Just us, Tetsu,” Kenma said and pulled his head back.

Kuroo inhaled slowly, deeply and exhaled, trying to relax his shoulders and back. It didn’t take much more for his stomach to finally find relief.

A gurgling hiccup brought up a small stream of bile and he coughed. Another hiccup brought a little more. Then finally, he belched, wet and heady, and heaved, a much stronger torrent of disgusting vomit moving up his chest and out of his mouth.

“There ya go,” Kenma sighed. He moved Kuroo’s unruly hair, made more disgusting by the sheen of sweat covering his forehead, back and away from his face. Kuroo lurched forward with a gag, bringing up more of his dinner.

“Holy shit, Kuro, that’s some fever. I’m sorry you’ve felt so bad all day,” Kenma whispered. Kuroo shook his head, spitting out the nasty taste in his mouth, trying to find his breath before the next round. 

He didn’t get much of a chance before he heaved again.

“God,” he slurred between wretches.

“It’s alright. Calm down,” Kenma instructed.

He puked twice more before his stomach settled for the time being.

“Kenma...please…” he whispered, gesturing for him to move the bucket away.

“Here,” Kenma handed him a water, “drink this first. Rinse out your mouth.” Kuroo did as he was told and spit into the bucket. Kenma took it away after that and Kuroo thanked him quietly. He inhaled, bringing his head up and looking at Kenma for the first time since the setter got there.

Kenma’s eyebrows were furrowed ever so slightly, a subtle pout on his lips. He brushed Kuroo’s bangs back again.

“Thanks, Kenma,” he smiled weakly. Kenma clicked his tongue.

“You’re an idiot,” he sighed. It lacked any of its usual blunt edge.

“Kuroo!!” Kai called out, running into the gym. They were both wearing medical masks, a couple more in their hands.

“Hey,” he said sheepishly, a hand on the back of his neck.

“I knew something was wrong. You really are such a dumbass,” Yaku said, a hand on his hip and an eyebrow raised. He was as blunt as usual.

“Thanks, Yaku. You’re as gentle as ever.”

“Yeah, well. Can’t help it when you decide to push yourself to this point,” he said, turning his face away. “Idiot,” he added as an afterthought. Kuroo couldn’t see his cheeks behind his mask, but his ears were red.

“You alright Kenma? Here,” Kai asked and handed Kenma a mask. Kenma shook his head.

“Too late for that,” he sighed.

“Yeah, but several of Shinzen and Fukurodani’s players have gone down with the same thing as our fearless leader here. We’re trying to contain it so it doesn’t spread more,” Kai explained.

“Yeah. Exactly. You wear one too, Kuroo,” Yaku insisted. Kuroo didn’t like the idea of having his mouth covered, but he also didn’t like the idea of spreading this wretched fate to others.

Kenma and Kuroo took the masks and then Yaku pulled some meds out of the bag on his shoulder and handed them to him. Kuroo’s lip curled, but Kenma pinched his elbow and he relented. They hit his stomach with a hollow thud.

Kai held a hand out to help Kuroo up. As soon as he stood, his knees buckled and black spots danced in his vision. Kai quickly caught him around his waist and threw Kuroo’s arm around his shoulder.

“Try not to pass out until we get back to the quarantine room. It’d make things difficult,” Yaku said. Kuroo would’ve rolled his eyes if he had the energy.

Together, they made it back to the classrooms (repurposed as sleeping quarters for the camp). There was a room for people who already puked and one for anyone experiencing symptoms. Kuroo was shocked to find Akaashi there, leaning over a trash can, Bokuto rubbing his back, as well as several Shinzen players, a couple Ubugawa players, and the setter from Karasuno.

Hinata was there as well, sitting beside Kageyama with his arms crossed and a disgruntled look on his face.

Yaku set up a new futon for Kuroo and Kai helped him settle into it. He immediately curled up on his side, exhaling in relief.

They asked if he needed anything, promised to bring him a change of clothes, and left. Kenma saw them out but then came back and plopped himself down beside Kuroo.

“You can go, Kenma,” he said, looking up at him with one eye open. Kenma shrugged.

“I wouldn’t leave you,” he said plainly. Like it wasn’t embarrassing at all. Kuroo smiled to himself.

“What’s with Chibi-Chan?” He asked in lieu of a response. Kenma snickered.

“His team sent him here when Kageyama came down with the bug. Apparently their “secret relationship” isn’t so secret.”

Kuroo chuckled. That was probably why Akaashi and Bokuto were both here as well.

“You know,” Kenma said.

“Hmm,” Kuroo replied sleepily.

“No one thinks you’re less of a Leader just because you’re sick. It happens to everyone. Doesn’t mean you’re not still someone other people look up to,” Kenma said quietly, matter-of-fact.

“Mmm.. you’re right,” he muttered back. He was. Kuroo knew that. He appreciated the reminder though.

“Go to sleep, Tetsu,” Kenma said and stretched his legs out beside Kuroo. He ran his fingers through Kuroo’s hair. Sleep called to him and his eyes slowly closed.

He woke up several times before the next morning, because of other people puking, because he needed to puke and once when Kenma puked, swearing Kuroo out for getting him sick.

He apologized profusely and pulled Kenma’s hair back with the hair tie he kept on his wrist.

Kuroo was a Leader. Someone other people liked and looked up to.

Sometimes Leaders needed someone to lean on too, he supposed. Thank goodness he had Kenma.

[opheliasbrokenmind]

heartbreaker - tommy shelby

hiiii, i’m back on my obsession with this man... i was going to write something short but then i couldn’t control myself and this happened. let me know your thoughts, feedback is always welcomed <3 

and idk what kind of writing is this, since i find it hard & scary to write a full one shot but i know this isn’t a hc or drabble as well, i only hope you enjoy it :)) and i’m free for three weeks and i’m waiting for your tommy requests as always

gif is not mine, credits to the owner

being the most reckless teenage girl in small heath, it wasn’t a surprise you hung out with the blue-eyed princess, ada shelby

it all started when you were barely ten, going to the same school

soon you were sharing a desk and tons of laughs

even the teachers failed to make you silent. if they tried to separate you two, you’d cause a huge mess in the classroom

spending time at shelbys after a long school day, chatting all afternoon in her room, ada complaining about her brothers and you giggling at her words

one day you laid your hands on a book and it was it, you were telling stories to ada all day long

you started talking about how small the small heath really was, a tiny world which you decided to leave the first chance you got

then you were fifteen, a young soul with wildness, searching for every kind of trouble possible 

ada on your arm, going on dates with boys you knew from school, sneaking out all the time

but ada wasn’t the same, thanks to her overprotective brothers. they believed you were a bad influence for her but your souls were bonded

and that never stopped john from taking you out a night, getting you a drink and kissing your lips 

you weren’t looking for a strong relationship and neither did he so it was just a few days and a few more kisses, none of the family members knowing it - or you both thought that

you were hanging out with a boy for a few months, then you were over it in a day. next week, you were going to pictures with another guy, laughing and enjoying your life

ada insisted you spent many nights with her, you girls talking about everything and by the time you were seventeen, you thought her older brother tommy looked quite good

one night you woke up, walking downstairs to have a glass of water and there he was, sipping tea in the middle of the night

‘what are you doing, tom?’ you asked, your eyes still trying to adjust to the light as you frowned, wondering if something was wrong

‘i’m thinking. care to join me for a cup of tea?’ he suggested and well, who were you to say no?

you took the chair next to him and watched him bringing you a cup and pouring you hot tea. the view seemed and felt too regular to you, you’ve seen him doing the same for his siblings for thousand times

just before you reached for the sugar, he leaned forward and put the exact amount of sugar you used. you didn’t say anything as he looked at you, you watched his fingers holding the hot cup, knuckles almost white

‘what are you thinking?’ you asked shyly, you weren’t so close with him unlike other shelbys. john was a friend, arthur was like a brother but tommy? you didn’t know what was he to you

he was the brother who tried to keep ada on the line and you were the distracter. the young, reckless friend filled with passion for everything. you were excited about books, boys and anything life had to offer you

‘the war, the soldiers’ he said like he was talking about the weather

‘what? you’re not thinking about going there, are you?’ you frowned immediately, leaning in to look directly into his eyes

‘i don’t know, feels like i should be there like the other boys’ he said the truth and you grabbed his wrist, an annoyed look plastered on your face ‘are you serious? don’t act like a fool, tom’

his name sounded harsh on your lips, like the times he spotted you and ada at the pub, taking you back home as you resisted. even though he was seven years older than you, you were never afraid to say his name as you wished

‘do you think it’s a joke, y/n?’ he asked, his blue orbs focused on you, ignoring your glued fingers on his arm

‘your family needs you here, not in a shithole in france. you’ll go there and what? that’ll prove something to the people? or you’ll end up as a man with no grave? leaving these people here just with pain?’ you hissed, glaring at him as you let go of his arm

‘you speak like i don’t care about them. i want to protect this country so they’ll be safe’ he explained calmly

‘you can’t leave them’ you said but it came out as a whisper, you almost said ‘us’ instead of ‘them’. tommy watched you staring at the tea and he tried to guess what was going on inside your head

‘as if you like me, y/n’ he faked a smile in an attempt to cheer you a bit but it only made you angrier, ‘fuck you, tom’ you hoped he didn’t see the blush rising to your cheeks and turned your head away from him

‘that’s not what you’ve said to john, huh?’ he couldn’t control the words so when you heard him, your lips parted with surprise. ‘i don’t have to defend myself to you, that was two years ago’

‘i saw you two, then you broke his heart’ he let it out and you didn’t know what to say, ‘it wasn’t something serious and that was before martha, he looks very happy now’

‘that’s just what you do, right? breaking hearts and moving on’ his words caught you off guard and you thought he was trying to change the war subject. if he wanted to argue, you were up for it

‘it’s not my problem if boys are that fragile. maybe they should, you know, grow up’ you said simply, waiting for another smart answer

‘grow up and what, break your heart?’ he asked back and you found yourself smiling, ‘oh, no. i’m the heartbreaker here. they should look for a girl who’ll marry them and stand them’

‘wise words for a little girl’ he said as he smiled, a real one this time. ‘little girl? i’m almost eighteen and i remember, your girlfriend isn’t too older than me’ with the mention of greta, his smile fell off and you could tell something was wrong

‘what’s wrong, is she okay?’ you asked and waited impatiently for an answer. ‘she’s sick, i-’ he stopped and shook his head slowly, ‘i don’t know what to do, she’s not getting better, just worse and.. her parents don’t let me see her’

‘i’m so sorry’ you managed to say and when he looked at you, he knew you meant it. ‘why didn’t you tell....’ you were going to ask if the other shelbys knew but it sounded ridiculous in your head

‘i don’t know how to. whatever, i shouldn’t have told you, too’

‘you know, i’m not your enemy. yet it looks like you’re searching for more, huh?’ he was thinking of an answer but you weren’t waiting for one, you got up and walked to the stairs, leaving him with his thoughts

that was the last time tommy saw you, you disappeared for the next days and soon he found out from ada, your aunt passed away and you moved to london with your mom

unlike her shy, sweet sister greta, kitty jurossi was outgoing and she happened to be a friend of a friend of yours. before you left for london, you managed to persuade your mother to go and speak to her family

with that, tommy shelby was allowed to stand by his first love and hold her hand for three months until she closed her eyes and never opened them again

days after her funeral, he’d learn the reason why her parents let him stay with her. then he signed up for war, leaving without looking back. in the end, there was nothing for him to stay

meanwhile, you were discovering the london, meeting with new people and trying not to think of small heath. of course, you were missing your best friend but ada and you both knew you’d escape the small town with the first chance you got

ada’s response to your letter arrived months later, letting you know greta was dead and the shelby men were in france, fighting for the king

it made you sick for days, unfamiliar nausea bothering you all day, making your whole body ache. you were worried for the shelby men you grew up with and for the women waiting for their family

the war continued mercilessly and at some point you even thought about writing the boys a letter but you didn’t know what to say after leaving them without a word

then it was all over. ada wrote to you, telling you they all returned yet everything was different now. the way tommy turned and the lack of sincerity in john’s smiles. he used to laugh, you thought

you were living on your own in london when you got another letter from ada, it was bad news. apparently freddie was dead, which made you cry on the carpet on your hallway, remembering the boy ada used to talk about years ago. ‘now it’s just me and karl, y/n. i’m leaving this hell, probably coming to london’

but she forgot to give you a new address and you never dared to write to shelbys, asking about ada. you guessed they didn’t hear from her as well, since she left with a broken heart and rage

one day you couldn’t find a book at the bookshop so you made your way to the library, looking for a worker to help you. there she was, the best friend you ever had

‘ada?’ you asked and it was it, you were reunited. spending days talking about everything that happened after you left with lots of hugs, glasses of wine and cups of tea

you started to spend most of the week at her house and of course, karl loved you. it was as if you never parted away, you were happy again

she learned you were continuing your career as a heartbreaker with londoners. ‘heartbreaker, huh? is there anyone nowadays, y/n sweetheart?’

‘oh no, i used to hang around with a writer. he was saying i was his muse all the time and you know, it’s nice to hear things like that. then he left the fucking country, saying he wasn’t productive with all the noise in the city’

‘someone sounds angry’ she teased and you laughed, ‘i was but i don’t care much. i mean, i couldn’t leave here and move to the countryside, raising chickens. i need the wildness in this crazy city’

soon you were going to the parties together, good looking men and booze surrounding you all the time

it was your birthday when you went to have dinner at a nice restaurant, then met with your other friends in a nightclub

you would say both of you could handle your drinks but when it was almost midnight, you thought ‘fuck it, we can mess for once’ then the rest of it was a little bit blurry

you could remember the girls dropping you to ada’s flat and ada going to her room. you lit a cigarette and once it was finished, you thought how soft was the carpet at the living room. even it was an uncomfortable surface, you slept like a baby

that’s why you didn’t hear the knock on the door. then with a little force, it opened. thomas shelby walked in, cursing underneath his breath 

he stepped in and saw a body laying on the ground, a woman, wearing a short silk dress and tommy walked to her with fear, his heartbeat quickening

then he realised it was you, after all those years. you were breathing, thank god. so he gently shook you, ‘y/n’ your name sounded like a pray on his lips

you sighed and opened your eyes slowly, only to see a man kneeling beside you and that man happened to have a face of a ghost from your past, tommy shelby himself

‘tom?’ you asked and you thought it didn’t feel real. ‘i’m still that drunk, huh?’ you chuckled softly but when you looked again, he was still there

‘it’s not a dream, y/n. i’m here and i see, you haven’t changed, not even a bit’ he sounded kinda angry, frustrated because the state he found you in

you frowned and watched him, ‘and here i was, thinking i got prettier’ he rolled his eyes but soon enough you were both smiling

‘you are’ he let it out and you stared at him, ‘that means i wasn’t pretty back then?’ this time his smile was wider, ‘i didn’t say that’ it was surprising you both, you were talking like you weren’t strangers now

it was weird yet comforting, familiar just like the last time you spoke, years ago. you could see he was a man now, a beautiful one with hands covered with blood you couldn’t see

and there you were, he thought. still a heartbreaker with an angel’s face

[organic-guacamole]

showtime

episode 211 let's go

ok first of all, this is the second to last episode guys... I don't even wanna think about how much pain I'll be in after next week's episode

mr mazzara doing the recap-

this is so weird to me and I don't know why

WHY DIDN'T YALL JUST ASK BENJAMIN FOR HELP, THATS LITERALLY HIS THING

is Nini giving out the cards a callback to season 1 when Natalie Bagley said that Nini gave her a card or something on opening night of another musical?

STEPHY AS THE ENCHANTRESS OMG YES

Ricky in the crown gives me Harry styles in that photoshoot vibes

he's so pretty.

ok but why did we never see Ricky and Ashlyn interact before? it's been like 5 seconds and I already love how they bounce off each other and it's just so natural

OH THEY REALLY DON'T HAVE ANY UNDERSTUDIES-

well that explains a lot...

so Ricky fell on top of Ashlyn and all that broke for both of them was their wrist-

insert Jake Peralta *coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool no doubt no doubt no doubt*

of course howie was amazing as the beast, were we expecting anything less??

Ricky is so beautiful and I will not shut up about it....

let me enjoy this before the makeup crew slaps mud on his face.

Nini and Ricky talking to eachother? in a civil manner? wasn't she avoiding him just in the last episode? hm ok

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THEY CANT EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS JUST LIKE ME HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS, WHATS NEXT? THEY CUT EVERYONE OFF CUZ THEY CANT HANDLE EMOTIONS? ...ha

yes Kaden and Rico, my favourite east high boys 🥰

I mean....where's EJ?

THERE HE IS

EJ AND GINA IN THE BACKGROUND... doing something idek

KOURTNEY'S MOM IS BACK YAY

Howie is a shining star, ofc ofc

the smallest fOrk

can't wait to see the fork burst into song about how she deserves more than to be used to eat salad😌

the duster and the bluster.... ok😃

hi Gina!

hi- oh wow I didn't know Robbie Rotten was in this show!!!!!

the portwell look.

that my friends, is a married couple's look✋

GOSH EJ WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU

aww Gina's so excited for this

D word?

Die?

Delicious?

Dom Toretto?

"good, clean fun all alone with someone I dig...a lot"

sir that does not sound very clean to me

SEBLOS

Seb looks so cute standing there next to pope Carlos

DID THEYEY REALLY LIGHT ANTOINE ON FIRE-

I NEED TO SEE THAT

Seb's reading Carlos better than big red read the script in episode 102, this is great development after the "fight"

Kourtney really just made the best outfit for herself and let the rest of them suffer

the way Gina immediately goes to hold on to EJ after the announcement

"tonight we're going to put the U in UTAH"

...

"hey where are you from?"

"TAH"

SEB'S SINGULAR CLAP KILLED ME-

he's officially salt lake city's resident thanos

just wity clapping because for some reason I have a feeling he doesn't know how to snap his fingers...don't ask why

Ms Jenn do you mind encouraging your leads before the show? idk just an idea

pepto bismol product placement smhsmh

those flowers are bigger that big red himself-

*bops along to the opening theme*

that whistle at the end slaps everytime

WHY IS THE AUDIENCE SO MASSIVE

I guess they're all here to see Ms Jenn go on as a fork after Nini decides to *go her own way*

wow i am so funny

so they couldn't do many group scenes cuz of covid, but this 300 person crowd is cool? nice

OO THE VIOLIN GIRL FROM EPISODE 6 IS IN THE ORCHESTRA

HOWIEEEEEE

"Mr Caswell", he said, in the loudest voice possible while backstage at a show that's about to start.

Mazzara what are you trying to pull-

I usually like Benjamin but I don't like his tone

"iS yOuR wHoLe FaMiLy HeRe?" LIKE YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW THATS A SOFT SPOT FOR EJ

"we've had some good conversations these past few weeks"

right so what's going to happen after you graduate?

what does he think of you not going to Duke?

what did he say about you giving the sweatshirt that's been in the family for 3 generations to a girl you're not even dating?

good old Mr. M

therapist Mr. Mazzara, they all need it.

start with Ricky though.

"Michael Bowen"

dude why did you shave, now you look less like "hot lumberjack" and more "creep at the gas station"

OH-

does she not like Mike anymore?

why does it sound like jennzzara started dating and now they just sit back and talk smack about everyone in their freetime

break the fourth wall-

uhhhh im scared

why am I scared

he's scary

hehe flowers for Ricky, obviously for Ricky, ObViOuSLY

oh boy poor Michael

this man is in love, rip

why does Ms Jenn always look at people with her eyes open so wide

LILYYYY

I'm only excited because I really like the idea of lily and Ricky being friends, nothing more.

ha this guy's got jokes

a MOAT AROUND THE SCHOOL

wheeze

also he's very pretty.

"the wolves and very talented humans"

how dare he forget to mention the very talented wolves and normal humans, smh erasure

"being nice, what a concept" ted talk by Lily who still doesn't have a last name

did she just say lol out loud

same with the hug emoji last episode-

go touch some grass babes

the way he didn't say no, but said he didn't know how the east high kids would react-

not saying he does want to date her but that's an interesting thing to think about, also another thing to write an essay analysis on just to leave it in my drafts for a few months

awww lily genuinely trying to help him

sorry guys, I've been taken by the Lily charm (didn't know it existed until now but oh well)

REMEMBER WHEN I SAID I'LL NEVER SHIP PORTWELL?

just look at me now

the Lily wink I can't she's so cute-

HELP ME I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY LIL-

David Attenborough?

oh nvm it's Benjamin narrating the show in a really weird British accent for some reason.

STEPHY GOT MORE LINES YAY GOOD FOR HER

also is this to show that Nini doesn't care about being the star of the show anymore? the way she's supporting everyone else even though she's a fork?

I would pay for a special of the full musical ngl

OOO THE TRANSFORMATION WAS SMOOTH

shockingly

yo where did the makeup come from

man I wish I was a theatre kid

THIS IS STEPHY'S EPISODE NOW IDC✋

my girl is starring

"needs an X-factor"

Simon Cowbell creeps in

"it's a yes from me"

and them boom, he takes Nini and mistreats her horribly and then she comes back to theatre after deciding music isn't for her👍

"I thought she just hog-tied him?"

don't ask sebby, it's better if you don't know.

imagine they spotlight the wrong person and this dude is just some random person that likes writing down stuff during shows.

Ms Jenn just let them do what they rehearsed (at some point we never saw) or else this is gonna end horribly wrong

"help"

same Carlos, same

I love how seb is just his translator rn

I thought he said "great displeasure" instead of "greatest pleasure"....help?

big red coming out from throwing up to see his girlfriend star is the cutest thing in this show.

Ash and Gina dancing is so fun

I'm imagining them practicing at night at their home, watching the movie for the 100th time and making sure their one dance together is perfect

KOURTNEY YES

HOWIE IS IN LOVE AHHHH

I LOVE HOWIE SO MUCH

SEBBY

THIS SCENE HAS SO MUCH GOING ON I CAN'T KEEP UP

THIS IS SO GOOD

HOW???

no because I'm actually crying

I'm dead serious.

we need this musical released as a special

big red is so proud and I love to see it

Natalie: "if you do not by at least 20 dollars in concessions, you do not support art"

rando in the audience: "but I pay for ad free Spotify"

Mr Mazzara clapping in the distance

Gigi, the guy you like is talking to you, complimenting you and hyping you up

YOU LUCKY LITTLE FEATHER DUSTER

aw EJ teasing her about the chocolates in a way that doesn't make her feel bad? take notes Richard

JORDAN FISHER

there is no rest of the show idc Jordan is it for me

THE WIG CAP ON RICKY OMG

they look like they're high and having "deep" conversations on the floor

THE MEAN GIRL WITH THE EYES-

@sunshine-julie-molina YOU HEAR THAT

Natalie really just be coming for them all

Howie what is happening rn

I'm scared

"did you enjoy it"

"very much"

dude wants a kiss so bad

ASHLYN OMG

NO DON'T DO IT BECAUSE OF LILY, PUT YOUR OWN TWIST ON IT

I want a Jordan autograph please

just keep swim- oh pushing...

Gina is literally a giant next to him and I live for it

am I about to cry for the 3rd time in this episode?

yes.

Ricky's leg kicks under the table makes me so happy aw

the portwell glances will kill me.

ah yes, mashed potato snow

Mr. M.... I'm not a theatre kid but even I know you can't have your phone on backstage.

Howie please just do it

CHIP'S BIG LINE I CANT

I LITERALLY HAD TO PAUSE IT AMD SCREAM INTO MY MASK FOR A SOLID 2 MINUTES (I'm not at home rn) HES SO CUTE

oh ok bye Jordan

oo tea

NOT HIM BEING STARSTRUCK BECAUSE HE'S MEETING HIS FUTURE BROTHER IN LAW-

"we're all just glad Gigi has a big brother figure in her life"

excuse me for a few thousand hours while I laugh hysterically

THE CAMERA ZOOM ON EJS FACE AND EVERYTHING-

STOP EJ LOOKS LIKE HE'S GONNA CRY BUT I CAN'T TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY WITH THE STAGE MAKE-UP

someone else said this already but I think it's hilarious that they had to bring in 2 guest characters to create some portwell angst

omg this really is Cici's episode, found family is their thing

elevator music lol

I'm gonna bet that big red took the harness for his surprise for Ashlyn without realising what it was

did Ms. Jenn just....tell her most mentally unstable student....to commit suicide....on a disney show...was that....I'm very....well....what the actual-

oh and there she goes running off instead of trying to make it right

oh wow Nini's the hero, she's gonna save the show 🤩

😐

the judge is doing a sudoku

honestly if I went to the hsm show as well, I'd come prepared for this one too

Lily why are you looking like that-

I WAS JUST STARTING TO LIKE YOU DON'T MESS THIS UP

wow ok, there goes that.

omg

what if Howie was acting weird because he knew what Lily did and wanted to tell Kourtbut Lily threatened him so he was scared to-

anyways see y'all clowns next week when we all simultaneously lose all motivation for the week without Fridays to look forward to.

[moonlightlullaby]

Joining the call, we’re welcomed by the amigops, Brooke, Karl and Bretman.

“So, everyone, this is my older brother, Dylan!” 

“What’s up, guys? Nice to meet y’all!” variations of hi’s and hello’s hit our ears all at once.

“Hey, Dylan!” Karl chimes after them “Good to see- well, talk to you again, man!” 

“Oh yeah! Thanks for helping us the other day.” Corpse sounds much more relaxed now - I mean, eveyone does… Bottom line is that streaming, however authentic and open you are with your viewers, does put a strain on you, so hearing everyone - myself included - more loose doesn’t really come as a surprise.

“Yeah, wish I could’ve done more. It sucks that you still lost.”

“Hey!” I elbow his side, causing him to dramatically gasp and fake cry and everyone in the call to laugh.

“Yeah, about that, you shouldn’t mention it around Alex. He’s still super bitter about it.” I giggle at Karl’s remark and, on cue, none other than Alex joins the voicechat.

We keep chatting as more people join us, introducing themselves to my brother - and Dave to both of us since it’s our first interaction ever. I’m really intrigued to see how he plays.

Dyl and I have decided to megazord today and play as one - not without some whining from Alex. He’s claimed it would be unfair and disproportional - even though no one else seemed even slightly bothered by it - and has only agreed with it after I’d exposed my brother’s pathetic skills in among us - earning me a glare and a light punch from Dyl - and reminded him of how much better a victory would feel knowing he didn’t trick eight people, but nine.

With Tina’s arrival, we all agree on who will be playing the first round and get the game started. CREWMATE flashes on the screen. Alright, let’s try and stay alive.

Yeah, that didn’t work out. 

For some reason - read: lack of functioning braincellls -, Dyl wanted to do simon says first and, since the universe loves screwing us over, of course Ludwig would walk in and shoot our astronaut just as we’re about to finish the task - after having already failed twice, may I add. Both of us just stop and stare - I, at the ceiling; Dyl, at the white little guy flopped over - before we burst into laughter. 

“Of course this would happen!” he shakes his head and, being his persistent self, opens the task to start all over.

And just in case you’ve ever doubted Murphy’s law, you should definitely reconsider it because guess what happens next: right before Dyl presses the last button, an emergency meeting is called. 

“Alright, fuckers, who did it? Who would hurt my baby girl Y/N like this?” although I feel very honored to see Brooke defending me with so much passion, I can’t contain the giggles that escape my mouth at the contrast between how threatening and intimidating she’s trying to sound and how she actually sounds.

The meeting is not productive at all. No one is sussed and everyone skips. “Don’t worry, D and missy Y/N, we’ll get whoever had the audacity to do this. I promise!” Sweet, Bret, sweet!

When “No one was ejected. (Skipped)” takes over the screen, a low, soft sound fills my ears. However, by the time my brain catches up, the sound’s stopped. Corpse was humming ‘cheater’! Yes, the infamous 2008 nightmare of a song I was stupid enough to share with him!

“Did you show him?” my wide-eyed brother whispers to me. I immediately shush him while muting ourselves at the speed of light. “Dylan!” I whisper-shout, turning to face him. This asshole is smirking! 

I narrow my eyes and furrow my brows, mentally throwing daggers at him and setting his body on fire. I open my mouth, but, before any sound can leave it, a notification pops up: a private message from the one and only boyinaband. A glance at my brother tells me his mind is somewhere else already as he pets Fiyero - I mean, our family’s never been known for our impeccable attention; who would’ve expected it to be any different now? -, so I open his message.

hey, y/n!

don’t mean to make things awkward at all, but i’d like to thank you for whatever you’ve told corpse

yk, he tends to shut off when things get hard, but he reached out the other day for help and company

so thanks

Why is he-? How does he-? What-? I’m…

Has Corpse said anything about me to Dave? Why would he do that? 

No, no... No, Dave might have just guessed it since Corpse and I are constantly talking

...right? 

Yes, yes, it has to be it.

oh also, it’s great getting to meet you and play with you!

you’re really cool indeed :)

Y/N: oh there’s nothing to thank me for, really

but i’m really glad we’ve met too!

i love your content btw and you’re funny af

Dave: thx! 

so it’s lud and...?

he killed me so gracefully idk how to feel

Y/N: jshdfgjhdgfkwfgjewv

fuck idk either

Speaking of imposters, all of our tasks are yet to be done, I should get back to them.

After that round - in which, by the way, Brooke was the other imposter and carried the entire thing after Lud vented in front of Tina, wasn’t able to catch her and got ejected -, the afternoon went on pretty smoothly.

Dylan and I arguing every 2 minutes about what strategy we should follow and ending up with a no-strategy approach. Friends killing - and being killed by - friends, lying to friends, throwing friends under the bus… you know, very friendly things. Dylan and Bretman basically ignoring everyone else and isolating themselves in their own bubble for half of the time. Everyone just vibing to miscellaneous tunes - from Dolly Parton to Wilbur Soot, from CORPSE to BLACKPINK -, and chatting, laughing and having a good time as Toast had proposed.

Without the distraction of an audience and the pressure of being funny or 666 IQ, I got to actually talk to and learn more about Leslie, Dave - who (I was right) is a sweetheart and with whom I hit it off instantly -, Sean, Toast himself and, well, pretty much everyone. 

It’s so crazy how, in a little over one month, you can connect so much with these many people! Some who were complete strangers to you until then and others who you already admired and looked up to… and now, you can call them all your friends. It’s insane!

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

🐝 bee-girls are ruining my life 🐝

chapter 12: what friends do

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A/N: Hi! I wasn’t sure if I’d post today, but, quite frankly, writing’s the only thing I can get myself to do lately and knowing that there are some people out there who want to read what I have to offer really warms my heart 🤍 Sorry for the sappiness and for any typos heheh See you on tuesday hopefully!

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[kakakakashi]

Hokage’s Office: The Door

100 Follower Celebration - Day 5

Kakashi Hatake x Reader || NSFW

Warnings: porn without plot, Kakashi’s a smug motherfucker, cursing obviously, overstimulation, idk man, you know what you’re getting into by day 5 

Word count: 2,855

A/N: I think this one is my favorite tbh. 

- 

Irritated was an understatement for how Kakashi currently felt. He’d been dealing with too many frivolous problems all day long. Even with Shizune and Yamato’s help, Kakashi was still up to his neck in bullshit. He was the Hokage for crying out loud.

When he trudged back into his office with a cup of black coffee to help get him through the day, he found you swaying back and forth in his chair with your feet propped on the edge of the desk while you read his work copy of Icha Icha Paradise. Frankly, Kakashi didn’t have the patience for this.

You’d made him late this morning after trying to entice him with morning sex, but Yamato had ended up knocking on his door right when things were getting good. His friend insisted that they were both needed in the office, and he was sent to make sure Kakashi was okay. Kakashi ended up going into work only for you to pester him all day until now.

“Feet off the desk,” he demanded in an exasperated, low tone. You rolled your eyes at him, pretending like you didn’t hear while you flipped a page in the book. “Don’t think I didn’t see you roll your eyes.”

“Fine,” you huffed, allowing your feet to loudly plop on the floor, hoping to get your point across that a lot worse things have happened to the desk. However, Kakashi seemed to snap at your brattiness, stalking forward until his large frame towered over you.

“I’ve had it with your attitude.” Your wide eyes met his narrowed one for a moment before he threw you over his shoulder and carried you towards the door. “You think I don’t know exactly what you’re doing? I don’t have time for your immature little act. I really don’t want to give into you, but maybe if I do fuck you, you’ll finally do something more productive with your time.”

He flung you from his shoulder so your back lightly smacked against the door. He knew exactly where to position you so that when he put you down, you were only an inch off the ground with his thigh between your legs and his hands beside your head.

His flaming eye and intimidating stature had you panting, allowing yourself to be completely vulnerable with no way to escape. Gazing at him, you’re reminded that he is a deadly shinobi, and you’re also painfully aware that you want him to ruin you.

“By the time I’m finished with you, you’ll be lucky if you can walk out of here.”

His voice sent a shiver of arousal down your spine, settling in your lower stomach while his fingers fiddled with your pants until they were undone. Once they were about to fall off your hips, he knelt down on the floor, not breaking eye contact with you until his gloved hands fisted in the fabric of your pants to tug them off along with your underwear. He maneuvered one of your feet out of the fabric before hooking it over his shoulder, effectively spreading your legs for him. Meanwhile, his free hand already had a finger hooked in the edge of his mask.

Watching him in this position had your pulse racing. The sin behind his eyes had you weak at the knees, and he knew he had you right where he wanted you. If his eyes didn’t say it, the smug smirk he exposed when he pulled his mask down sure did. He mumbled, “You know the word.”

“Yes.”

His gaze darted down from your eyes to between your legs where you knew you were already wet. The air felt far too cold hitting your folds, and you knew Kakashi would taunt you for being so eager. As if reading your mind, you heard the chuckle he let out under his breath. Your eyes fluttered closed in anticipation, your palms flat against the door balling into fists out of frustration. However, you nearly lost your balance when Kakashi’s tongue unexpectedly darted out to give a gentle lick to your folds.

The gasp that tore from your mouth had him laughing to himself again, his huffed breath fanning against your slick core, prompting another shiver throughout your body. Kakashi’s gloved palms gently took hold of your thigh over his shoulder along with your other hip before he buried his face between your legs and pressed his tongue to your clit, circling the small bud to give you the friction you desperately craved.

A soft, breathy whine escaped your throat while one of your hands gently threaded your fingers through his hair in encouragement. He retreated for only a moment, licking a thick stripe from your entrance to your clit, where he flicked at it with the tip of his tongue only to wrap his lips around it and suck. Your back arched into the contact, head flung back, and you could feel Kakashi’s smirk against your pussy. His tongue began drawing patterns, making your breath hitch in your throat with each stroke of his tongue. You did your best to stay still against the door, well aware of why Kakashi wanted you in that exact spot.

He kept working you so well with his tongue, alternating from his incoherent patterns in favor of dragging his mouth down to your entrance where his tongue circled you before dipping inside. You glanced at Kakashi only to find him completely concentrated, filthily pumping his tongue inside you while pleasure gradually accumulated in your body. The sight of him, eyes closed and swollen lips lapping at you like you were his last meal had you biting your lip to keep from moaning, but Kakashi knew what you had done.

He retracted his tongue and licked his slick, swollen lips before his eyes met yours. He demanded in a rough voice, “Let me hear you.”

“Kakashi, someone’s going to hear.” You panted out, trying your best to hiss at him, but your words only came out more desperate than anything.

Kakashi’s lips were on your inner thigh now, his teeth nipping on the skin hard enough to leave a mark. The sensation had your hips involuntarily bucking in search of friction, and Kakashi’s lips tugged upward. “Darling,” he mumbled with his lips still brushing against the tender flesh so close to where you needed him, “we both know you love the thought of someone hearing us as much as I do, so don’t play so coy.”

Your head rolled back again while you whined out wantonly, your brows furrowed in frustration. Of course the little shit knew what he was doing when he put you against the door. He wanted people to hear you, how much you wanted him. It never ceased to amaze him how such a powerful person who was feared by nations would turn to putty in his hands, begging for him so desperately it would make Jiraya blush.

“Go, on. Let everyone hear those pretty little sounds you make for me.” His mouth found its way to your clit again, puckering his lips around it and sucking hard. The shock of the sensation had you drawing in a loud gasp, and Kakashi’s words rumbled against your heat, “Attagirl.”

That drew a soft moan out of you, and it only continued to motivate him to get more out of you. He began using his tongue again, tilting his head to cover more area while your grip on his hair tightened a bit. Your hips loosened up with each roll of his tongue against you until he did something that made them stutter unexpectedly. He repeated his previous action, and a sound caught in your throat. He continued that motion, alternating between it and sucking on your clit just how you liked it, even going so far as to scrape his teeth against the bud a few times just to get you to cry out in shock.

The cloudier your mind got, the louder your soft sounds of pleasure became, and the louder you were, the more Kakashi gave you. When you began to feel that all-consuming flame in your gut, you started moving your hips in time with Kakashi’s mouth, causing his fingers to dig into your flesh in encouragement.

He sucked on your clit at one particular angle, and a particularly loud moan came tumbling from your lips. It made Kakashi’s mouth vibrate with a grunt against your cunt, and you didn’t care anymore. You couldn’t keep your noises to yourself while you began guiding his head by his hair. It only made him moan more. After all, Kakashi loved it when you pulled his hair. With newfound motivation, he was eager to please, driving you closer to the edge with each lap.

“Fuck, you’re too good at this,” you moan out, “Kakashi!”

His hand on your hip slipped down your leg, encouraging you to spread your legs a little wider, and you obliged, trusting him to not let you fall. The new angle had you hurtling towards your orgasm more, that fire in your gut spreading to your entire body, concentrated mostly where Kakashi sucked at you.

You could feel yourself climbing closer to that peak, your body beginning to lose control with each passing moment. Kakashi was obviously aware with the way your pussy quivered around nothing, and just when you were about to cum, he retreated.

You were about to yank his hair to get him back in place, but you knew he’d leave you like this if you did anything like that after everything you’d done before now.

“Did I say you could cum?” He looks like he’s about to scold you with the way his brow is cocked, and you quietly sob out in response.

“No,” you confess, “I’m so sorry. I promise I’ll be good. Just, don’t stop. Please.”

He licks his lips while he admires the wreck he’s made of you. Internally, Kakashi debated if he should humor you or if he should wait until you calmed down so he could really drag it out. You had been waiting for this since you woke up, so he decided to oblige you, but not without warning you, “Very well, but you don’t get to cum until I say you do or else.”

“Yes,” you nodded, “yes, I understand.”

Thankfully, Kakashi dove back in between your legs and started working you up again. You were throbbing against him while he worked your body like only he could. Your nails dug into your palms, releasing his hair in fear that you’d hold him against you until you came.

Kakashi resumed his pace, but he started developing a new pattern. He was well aware that you’d come sooner than he wanted if he continued with the previous one. However, the more he worked you, the more you couldn’t bear it. The fire in you burned your skin so beautifully, it practically consumed you while you moaned his name. And without even realizing, the cord deep inside you snapped, your legs shaking while you released all over Kakashi’s face while his lips assaulted your abused clit. You cried out softly while your hips bucked against his face. You didn’t notice the disapproving glare on his face while he continued to suck, working you through your orgasm.

However, once you came down, Kakashi tossed your leg to the floor and stood up, licking his lips before wiping his mouth on his glove.

“Did I say you could cum?” he repeated his earlier question, this time much more taken aback than before. You deliberately disobeyed him, and he was not happy.

With wide eyes, you realized your mistake. “No,” you softly yelped, “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I didn’t mean to. It just snuck up on me.”

Kakashi took the opportunity to loosen his own pants before he caged you in against the door between his arms. His eyes bore into yours when he replied. “No, I didn’t. Did you really need it so badly that you couldn’t even wait for me to give you permission?” He paused. “Fine, you want to cum. You’re gonna cum again and again until I tell you to stop. We’re not finished here just because you came.”

His eyes never left yours while he freed his dripping erection from his slack pants before he wedged a knee between your legs and spread them apart. Taking one of them, he hooked it around his hips while he ground his member against your soaked folds. You mewled at the contact, grinding your hips in time with his while he covered himself in your arousal before he lined up with your entrance, catching inside you before his free palm grabbed at your other thigh, encouraging you to wrap them around his hips. You obliged, and he used the momentum to thrust into you with one hard thrust, trapping your body between his and the door.

You cried out at the sensation of Kakashi stretching your walls almost too much. His hips began slamming into yours mercilessly, not even giving you time to adjust while he set his own pace. The door behind you was thumping with every thrust of his hips into yours, sheathing himself so deep inside you, you thought he might split you in half. Each drag of his cock inside you had you getting louder until you were screaming his name in pleasure. You were still throbbing uncontrollably from your previous orgasm, and Kakashi was giving you too much. In his grip, you couldn’t even squirm much, his grip on your hips holding you right where he wanted you, and all you could do was grip onto his broad shoulders.

The sound of skin slapping against skin filled the room while Kakashi filled you to the hilt over and over until tears prickled at your eyes. “Please!” you begged him through a strangled cry, “Kakashi, it’s too much.”

He grunted in your ear, not even bothering to slow the merciless piston of his hips into yours. “You’re gonna be a good girl and take what I give you, and you’re gonna thank me for it because you were begging for it earlier.”

You moaned so loud your throat cracked. There was no way of knowing if you cried for him to stop or to continue when you replied, “Please!”

His hips crashed against yours, grinding against your clit beautifully with the position, Kakashi’s thick cock rubbing you just the right way while he ripped you apart. When you practically jerked in pleasure, Kakashi knew he’d found that spot inside you, angling you perfectly so his erratic thrusts hit that spot every time.

He was fucking you like an animal up against the door. It was obvious to anyone who passed by exactly what was going on behind closed doors, but you couldn’t find it in you to care when your body lost control, winding tighter and tighter the more Kakashi pleasured you.

“Look at you,” he groaned, biting at the flesh of your neck, “I bet everyone in the building knows what I’m doing to you right now. They probably think you’re a dirty little girl for fucking me in my office in the middle of the day, but I bet you like that.”

You screamed. You were so close you could taste your next orgasm. With Kakashi pounding into you mercilessly, his balls slapping against your ass with every frantic thrust, you were already clamping down on his shaft inside you. He was close too, though, his hips bucking at a less steady pace each time. You could feel his member twitch inside you with a particularly good thrust, and you knew the second that knot in you snapped, he would follow.

“Yes. That’s it. Cum on my cock,” Kakashi practically growled in your ear, and that was all it took for you to break, every nerve in your body unraveling with a snap. You clung to him while your body shook, mind going into a blissful haze.

Kakashi’s hips stuttered for a final time before he was following you, emptying his load inside you with a series of grunts and curses while both of you twitched until you came down from your intense highs.

When you finally had some sense back, you unhooked your legs from Kakashi, placing them shakily on the floor while simultaneously slipping his softening length out of you. You tried to stand, but you almost fell, barely catching yourself on the door handle before you could tumble to the floor. Thankfully, Kakashi also reached out to help steady you. Although he appeared to be just as shaky as you were.

It took a minute for you to regain your bearings. Your entire lower body felt like it might give out at any moment, and all you could do was lean against the door with Kakashi while the sticky mix of cum dripped down your legs. It didn’t bother you in the slightest, though. Kakashi and you were happy to simply gaze at each other, trying to steady your breaths between soft, loving kisses.