#this is STILL not the first one i was working on btw

[words-and-covers]

@clay-lives btw even if you had checked her pronouns you’re still wrong about the clothes thing. Just want to put that out there.

How?

Short answer: this is basic modern fashion history. Look at the silhouette of mens clothes 100 years ago vs womens clothes 100 years ago. Then go to 75 years ago, then 50.

Long answer: so we know that basically all modern clothes we commonly see are based on western clothes, that’s thanks to mainly the Brit’s and the Americans and imperialism. So to understand this you’ve got to understand some basic things about hundreds of years of fashion history in Europe, mainly how fashions were developed.

So for like 500 years mens and womens fashion was developed in completely different ways. For men it was designed by pattern blocking which is when you draw out pieces on paper, cut those out, then use the paper to cut fabric then sew the fabric together. The result is very straight clothing. Women’s clothes were designed by draping, this is when you get fabric, hold it up to a figure and use that to figure out out where to cut, then sewed that together. The results were more fitted clothes and depending on the era, more draping accents. Btw the mens designs were made by men and the womens designs were made mostly by women.

‘So?’ You might be thinking ‘what’s this got to do with now?’

Well, if you notice, in modern day you’ll see draping in women’s clothes but not in mens (you can find a few examples but that’s all they are, examples. You won’t just find a mens clothes in target or JCP that features drape)

An example of drape in modern clothes btw

So now I’ve established this: rules of fashion from hundreds of years ago are still affecting us today. Hold onto this, I’m getting back to it. We’re getting to under garments bc that’s important for the history of the T-shirt.

So for at least a thousand years by now and I’m assuming longer (we’re going before time periods I’m familiar with with this one. I can’t tell you when we first started wearing underclothes. All I know is we were most definitely wearing them in Europe 1000 years ago) we’ve worn layers of clothes under our clothes to soak up our dirty human gunk so the nice layer on the outside doesn’t do that and don’t get subjected to more rigorous cleaning and instead gets spot cleaned. This is true for both adult men and women. So the T-shirt was (still is) used as an undergarment for men and you can find things that the T-shirt is related to well before the 20th century. Here’s a random example I found by typing 1850’s men’s button up. This straight cut was important to achieve a ‘masculine silhouette’

Since T-shirts were made to go under the already straight cut button down they were also designed to be straight. I believe the T-shirt was first getting worn as a single layer in every day fashion by the beatniks in the 60’s and if not them and if it wasn’t them it was probably either the hipsters or the hippies (who came after). This, the ‘unisex’ T-shirt was mens clothes even if it was an undergarment that was being sometimes worn as a fashion statement.

I don’t know when women began wearing the T-shirt but there’s always patterns in when women start working mens clothes, it typically comes during feminist waves. That’s because (and this is important) in times when women are trying to be taken more seriously they dress more like men (WOW! THATS A LOT TO UNPACK AND IMPLIES A LOT!) So if I’m making an educated guess, I’d say they started wearing men’s T-shirts around the grunge period. Now, assuming that that’s true, then the grunge girls in the 80’s were just now wearing an item of clothing that’d been around since at least the 40’s and had been wearable as a fashion statement for 20 years already. Crazy.

Anyways, clothes that hug the curves of the form are seen as feminine since this sort of clothing design was something women pioneered in and it stayed associated with them and clothes that seem to be more based off of straightness are related to a long history of men’s fashion in Europe.

What would a more neutral look for a simple, mass manufactured item look like?

I don’t think me coming up with that would actually solve anything here. There’s a lot of root issues that are pointed out in this but for the sake of me pointing out that it is possible here’s a design that if a guy wore it he wouldn’t be called gay slurs that I came up with in at most two minutes

The brown is the original lines, the black is the current one. Since a T-shirt is supposed to be easy to mass produce I didn’t add too much new fabric. When worn the bottom would appear more ruffled (like how a men’s T-shirt looks when someone with big boobs wears it). But again I don’t really care. It’s not about making this more gender neutral.

No matter what’s done here the weight of mens fashion won’t leave women’s fashion unaffected. The next time there’s a women’s rights umph in pop culture the clothes worn will again be influenced by mens clothes. Cuz Thats just what women have to do to be taken seriously in a patriarchy.

It’s bigger than the T-shirt and trying to solve the T-shirt won’t single handledly solve the issue you trotted over

It affects all the clothes you’ve ever worn. Misogyny is just that deep.

it’s kind of crazy how here on the so-called feminism website you literally can’t say something as simple as “dude is an inherently gendered term” without literally dozens upon dozens of people who consider themselves feminists showing up to say “idk i use it in a gender neutral way”. like idk how to tell you this but the fact that masculine words are considered default/neutral and feminine words are not is, in fact a reflection, of a patriarchal society.

[kleptomaniakrow]

hi, i'm back on my brainrot bullshit so you know what time it is. B)

hear me out, (some) KorTac men (specifically König, Krueger and Nikto), dating an artist. normally i often see most drabbles or thoughtfully crafted pieces delve down the writer route (go figure), but hear me out!!

tried my best to keep it gender neutral but like, there might be one femme-leaning pet-name + the use of "little one" for Nikto's bit! i am not a russian-speaking native so i hope the one i grabbed is gender neutral as well (feel free to correct me if it isn't)! also idk about yall but personally i'm running with his government first name being "Andre," idk why it just suits him imo!

overall this was just another idea that fucking possessed me as i was working on some art! i am taking it upon myself to shove this idea out of my brain and into the ether of tumblr dot com! so enjoy my fluffy brain rot!

if they're a little ooc uh... i'm still figuring out how to write these three idiots (affectionate) so bare with my bird brained self!

not proof read btw. so if you see typos... no you didn't.

enjoy these little pebbles of purely sickeningly sweet, silly fluff under the cut! :)

♚ König. . .

✦ he would fucking love to see your drawings i will die on this fucking hill! this fact about you was one of the most exciting thing he ever learned about you and by god was this man like a child in a candy store witnessing all of your art pieces, new or old! ✦ this big, burly man gets so soft and proud seeing your sketches become finalized pieces. the art of creation is always such a wonderous marvel to behold, seeing you turn out the rest of the world when you fully submerge yourself into the motions is a marvel. ✦ honestly, let's be real, he would take this chance to just stare at you (affectionately). because you're too deep in your own little world, likely with headphones on or music playing, perhaps even a podcast of choice as you pen your ideas to paper be it on actual paper or on a more digital medium! ✦ if you ever, and i genuinely mean EVER, take the time to draw his portrait (with or without his face coverings ofc), i think this man would full-on bawl like a baby. pathetic snot dribbling from his nose, horrendously tearful but it's all for good reasons, please don't worry! ✦ "Mein schatz..." / "Do you like it?" / "I've no words that would do it justice... it's... incredible, maus." ✦ i bet fucking money he'd save that to his phone, keep a copy of it in his pocket of a kevlar vest, something tangible that you earnestly made for him with intents of capturing your muse onto parchment. between photos of you he keeps to himself, little traces of your existence just make his heart sing. parchment long since creased from how many times he's opened it and closed it, weathered and worn but it's something you made for him to keep. these items that were made or owned by you are invaluable, no amount of money could every buy these off of him. you and anything you make are treasures he'd protect indefinitely. ✦ in the sense of a long-distance relationship, or perhaps he's away on work such as deployment, you'd often share what you're working on, be it still images or (stable internet, be willing), you lull him to sleep with vague humming whilst screen-sharing projects you're determined to see to fruition. ✦ if you're ever insecure about your work, this big ass goof (affectionate) would stumble over his words but he'd want nothing more than for you to constantly be up his ass about what you do, side-hustle or hobby otherwise. ✦ König is your number 1 supporter, and he'd sooner turn in his premature grave before he'd ever slip up on an opportunity to let you think otherwise. even if you find your talent lackluster by comparison, he'd perish atop mountains shouting how talented his beloved schatz is! the way you breath life into such fictitious subjects always drew him in, especially with how you drew eyes and expressions (especially when he noticed you often mimic the facial creases yourself when focusing on expressions, but he'd never tell you. it's too precious to point out so brazenly). ✦ frankly, if this passion of yours is important to you, it's important to him, and he will not budge on this. what sparks you joy will be a wonderous experience for him too, and what partner would he be if he wasn't supportive of your interests, hobbies or line of work?

♜ Krueger. . .

✦ see, Sebastian would be a bit interesting because you'd think at first he'd pay little to no mind. ✦ his steps are so quiet around the house that half the time you're just ignorant of his presence for several minutes before the inkling of someone behind you ever crossed your mind. ✦ it's not that you'd mind (not unless he scares the proverbial piss out of you, of course) but he just can't help but be curious. maybe he's not one for the modern arts (perhaps more classical?) but... you're his darling little liebling, he isn't so much as a fool to be ignorant of your interests. ✦ however he's not too partial to being seperate from you; krueger gives me the impression he's partial to physical touch... when he wants to be that is (frankly he's no better than a cat in my eyes). ✦ "Schatzi?" / "Hmmm~?" / "Come, bring your little drawing things with you if you must but I need you here," ✦ he now fully sees a character design you've been working on and admittedly... curiosity does get the better of him and he begins inquiring what you're working on whilst your form settles into his. ✦ "Oh! This is a commission for someone who paid me illustrate a character for their indie game!" he just nods along, allowing you space to involve him into this little world of yours. revealing to him the various concepts tossed back and forth between you and your client. ✦ Sebastian is (quietly) fascinated by how your creative little mind works. keenly taken notes, exhibiting your perceptive attentive to rather pedantic details―it's so annoyingly endearing. he's come to find himself enamored by entertaining your eccentric interests, ones that vastly differ from his. but these are distinctive traits he's come to adore you for. ✦ he jokingly threw out the idea of how he'd look in such a world of whimsy given your subjects of focus is often fantasy. oh boy he shouldn't have said that because now you have ideas and that is dangerous to give one's partner with only their imagination as a limiter. ✦ he'd be physically unable to admit to it, but he'd likely have saved the drawings that poured every ounce of love into when imaging him in a knight's garb rather than tac pants and kevlar. the idea of you seeing him as such a regal-looking protector makes his heart do that fluttery, frantic-caged-bird sensation that makes his cheeks and ears warmer than normal.

♞ Nikto. . .

✦ see there's just something about Nikto that gives me the impression he wouldn't even ask. however, don't mistake this as disinterest! baby boy is so fucking curious what his little one is doing! he's just unsure how to articulate such a.. loaded question(?) and you seem so focused on what you're doing! ✦ i kinda see him doing that animal-thing where he just quietly observes every subtle movement, noise or expression that catches his eye‒ you two more often than not just kinda "co-exist" together in the same shared space, not always needing to talk verbally; comfortable, silent company is more than enough between you two, such a peaceful life is more than he'd ever ask for. ✦ instead, i can see him bringing you sustenance and fluids, you're keeping yourself so, so busy but you need to eat and drink at some point! things he knows you like! things that he's memorized by heart! it's always the quiet bitches like him /pos who have an internalized backlog of information when it comes to you. and you appreciate it immensely when so engrossed in the process. ✦ little did he know, you were working on a passion project of the indie development. working along side a few other individuals, tasked design characters for a game jam! the protagonist was concepted to have a build that you're not exactly familiar with drawing (bulky, trained, fit, think professional dead lifter types which distantly remined you of Nikto). ✦ he couldn't help but notice that the usual focus is now tightly knit with frustration. the quiet concern he conveyed with but a glance went unnoticed, far too deep in your own thoughts to really pay any heed to the brewing worry. he had to say something.. anything to snap you out of this mental loop. ✦ "любимый?" ("beloved?") / "Huh?" / "Something troubles you...?" / "Trouble me?— oh! No, no I'm okay!" / "Your expression tells me different... will you allow me to listen? To.. help?" ✦ eventually the big brutish bear cuts through your thoughts to source the root of your worries! it'd cause you to wrinkle far earlier than you mean to! as prompted, you're airing out your grievances with this project being out of your comfort zone. it's hard to come up with a concept that you're happy with and you've deadlines to meet for this project. he listens to you diligently, even if he may not understand the full weight of your plight; it matters to you, then it matters to him, bottom line. ✦ you don't know how exactly, but eventually, somehow, you ended up enlisting Nikto's assistance! his figure is close enough the character pitch the head of your team passed onto your inspiration board! ✦ somehow, that incorrigible art block just... magically vanished! it was mind boggling even to you. Nikto didn't really understand given all he did was slide you a few photos or posed for your creative use. but the creases on your brow line were softer if not gone entirely, so he'd consider his intervention a success. ✦ you find yourself looking at the game's protagonist (whom you coyly suggested he be named "Andre" for no suspicious reason at all), and you're elated! proud of it, too! it's evident that he bears Nikto's likeness in some aspects! aside from the build, of course. Nikto has been watching you work your magic throughout the entirety with silent reverence and seeing you in your natural habitat of creation was.. breath taking. however he couldn't help but notice his heart thumping against his ribcage a little harder seeing his likeness in something you made. it was... flattering almost, seeing how you took characteristics that elicit hardship or grief but you captured his image with calm, quiet confident air. was this how you saw him?

[righteous-pines]

Moon 0

[sometimesoliloquy]

In 6x06, June seems indifferent to Nick. She doesn't act with him like the loving woman she was with him until now. It's very disappointing. And where did this idea of ​​going to Paris come from? Even in 4x09, they were talking about Hawaii. I'm still Team Nick!

Me too!! Always🖤

So I rewatched last night and while there were some tonal things that seemed a bit off, I really don't agree that June seems indifferent to Nick in the episode as we whole. 

Looking at it scene by scene, first we have them in Lawrence's basement when he brings her the letters--she's anxiously awaiting him, when she sees him she does a quick little "love blink" and her eyes are soft. She thanks him with warmth. She senses something off in his demeanor and says "you ok?" but he says "yeah" so she lets it go. She goes quickly into business mode (let's get out of here,"I'll tell you in the car") which I think it understandable given the dangerous situation—I mean sure, 4x03 June said fuck it and ran back out on that bridge to make out with him, full handcuffed and with guardians in plain view, but she did probably think she'd never see him again at that point—and interestingly I think Nick would generally be the one in this situation saying "ok we gotta go". But here he's lingering, he grabs her hand and she so she becomes curious, wary (what's going on?). Then he's (taking an adorably roundabout way of lol) asking her to stay the night with him. I feel like I see some excitement on her face at the prospect but she's still thrown off base by how he's acting and it's still all wrapped up in confusion (what is he really saying/asking) so she asks again what's wrong and similar to in 2x06 he can't express his own worry for himself verbally so he initiates physical contact for reassurance instead. I think she's startled at first and scared because she knows him and now she knows there's something wrong if he's seeking out this comfort from her. She does embrace him fully and close her eyes for a moment, melting into the hug. Here he tells her "sometimes I think you're the only good thing in my life" and she continues looking concerned for him.

Now, I wish I knew what they talked about in the car on the way to his house in NB (I'm not sure how long of a drive that is??). She obviously filled him in on why she's there and the Mayday plan but I have to think that they didn't talk about why Nick's being so weird Nick's current problems. I would think the drive would be long enough to get into it; who knows maybe June prodded again and Nick deflected again, maybe he just wanted to get to the house so he could actually show her the plan he'd been working on for them (to run away together) and didn't want to get into all of it until then.

Then of course there's the scene at the end of the episode in Serena's house (where BTW they're just hanging out in front of the window in plain view of the street with the curtains wide open?? OK 😅). She's anxiously awaiting him again, and again immediately clocks something off about his demeanor—he seems harried, manic almost. She's still looking at him with softness and concern. Then she's incredulous, smiling (go with you where??), looking deep into his eyes. She's overcome with emotion: marveling, excited and happy in a way we only see with Nick. I see a look of total love on her face when he says "come with me, June" and the she's kissing him (again, window wiiiide open, guys). Then of course it's all downhill from there. But her expression in the final moments, that's anything but a look of indifference, that's pure and utter devastation.

Not sure if you're also including the s1 flashback scene in this interpretation but (while I have some complicated thoughts about this I'm still parsing out) this seemed like a believable cute post coital pillow talk scene She's not at the utterly-in-love phase yet but she definitely seems fully smitten and there's an overall feeling of warmth and affection.

To go back to the first scene in the basement for a minute, while I didn't interpret this as June being cold or indifferent, I DO think it's really important context for the episode—and probably next episode(s) to come—to note that she does seem somewhat distracted, maybe too absorbed in worries and thoughts of her own to really fully clock that there's something really big going on under the surface with Nick, or at least to really push on the topic. And sadly, with some notable exceptions ("What about you" in 2x06 comes to mind as an example), this has kind of been the repeating theme of their dynamic across the seasons. Somewhat understandable while June was in Gilead and in the more vulnerable position like 98% of the time. But now she's out, she's free. She could be living safely and quietly in Alaska if she wanted. She's still got problems and there's danger (again, the latter mainly as a necessary result of her own choices) but the dynamic has shifted and Nick's really the one in the more precarious position.

But she's not really saying "what about you" anymore, she's caught up in her own shit. She asks "what's wrong" but doesn't dig deeper when he deflects. She's worried in the moment (when she hears the gunshots in 6x03 and “what are you going to do about those guards?") but then goes into "Nick will handle it" mode and seems to largely forget about it. We don't see her having deeper or lasting concerns about Nick's safety and mental state; she doesn't appear to really think about the dangerous position he's in because of all he's doing to help her, not to mention the emotional toll, and realize that he might need some help, or at the very least some moral support. And this is important to note because I think this is very much going to play into the fallout of Nick giving up the Mayday Jezebels plan. I think she's probably gonna have an emotional gut reaction and not think about what possible underlying factors could have caused Nick to do it. She's probably going to stay in this self-righteous, self-absorbed bubble of hurt and anger for at least an episode or two. And then I have to hope that she'll have a moment of self-reflection, have to take a step back from herself and realize that Nick's not fucking superman, he's human. And she hasn't really been treating him as such lately, and it's really unfair. IDK maybe this is what you're picking up on as indifference so yeah, I definitely get that.

As for the Paris reference--on the one hand, it seemed to come completely out of nowhere, and on the other hand (for me at least) was actually a fully well-timed "ding ding ding" moment because of my recent fascination with the comparison to Casablanca and examining all the parallels there seem to be here (and now I have another to add to the list). Paris is notably where the two main characters in Casablanca met and fell in love, and it's a continuing theme throughout the movie. I feel like it can't be a coincidence that they bring it up now, but I guess we'll see where they go with that. I'm still dreaming of an eventual Hawaiian beachside happy ending on these two (doesn't hurt to have a backup plan, though I guess😉). Anyway, sorry for the really long reply!

[yumandoull]

omg omg reading the lyrics for wolf type made me CRAZYYYYY could you write what the andteam are like when jealous? (you can do all members as hcs or choose one member)

love ur work btw 💖💖💖💖

I'm just a wolf type (K, Fuma, Nicholas, Yuma, and Taki headcanons)

Warnings: not much but uhm neck kisses on yuma's, taki being DOWN BAD, not all members are included since these members are the ones I found the easiest to write as them being jealous, no word count and no proofread so expect typos/grammatical errors again hehe but some are a little longer than others, let me know if I missed some!

Message from the doll: so yes I did disappear for a few weeks I think(?) because of health reasons and followed by family emergencies 😿 but after all that, finally found the motivation to write againnn! Although I'm gonna confess something...I'm struggling with the pt2 for run, rabbit because I have no idea how to write reader x multiple members so I don't know when I'll be able to finish that 😞 for now, have some &team hcs and expect a yuma fic later tonight or tomorrow??? 👀

K

- For me, K would be a little passive-aggressive with it because he just looks like that type of person for me.

- When he first saw you talking to someone else, he would approach you immediately. He would ask what you and the person was talking about, laugh when you tell him the joke the other person said but his laugh was a little forced.

- K would wrap an arm around your shoulder while also participating in the conversation in a pretty friendly way but he is still glaring a little when you or the other person isn't paying attention.

- When the person finally gets the hint and leaves you alone, K would immediately take you away from the area to keep other people from approaching you. You would feel that his grip around your shoulder was a little tensed and his steps were firm so you would ask, "Were you jealous of them?"

- K would immediately deny it but if you kept asking, he would admit it.

"Okay yes, I was a little jealous so just stay close to me from now on."

Fuma

- Okay so for Fuma it would be a little different. When he saw you being approached by someone else, he would literally be like this (O_O) like surprised but not really because you looked good that day

- The two of you trust each other so I don't think he would be jealous that much I mean don't get me wrong, he just seems like the type of person that has so much trust on his partner (vice versa) and c'mon, he knows he's strong as hell and wouldn't hesitate to throw hands when needed.

- Which he will because as he was observing from afar, Fuma would start to notice you sending glances his way and your eyes saying 'I'm uncomfortable please help'.

- You didn't even need to glance a second time because that man's arms were already around your waist and his eyes stabbing daggers at the person bothering you. He would use the remaining of his calmness to talk to the person, knowing that you don't like making much of a scene.

- If the person is still not backing away and is even taunting him...OH IT IS ON. Fuma would immediately turn more aggressive, his hands leaving your waist to take a few threatening steps towards the person. But as much as possible, he would still not throw hands because he also doesn't want to cause a scene. He would also want to leave the place immediately after.

"If someone bothers you again like that, come find me."

Nicholas

- THIS MAN WOULD BE SO STRAIGHTFORWARD WITH IT.

- You two are at a party or something and yes, some people also approach him and he makes it clear that he's taken and they immediately back off. You, however, is more polite and isn't as straightforward. So you would try to politely decline someone but most would see it as you playing hard to get.

- In this scenario however, someone approached you because they noticed a keychain on your bag (an interest that you and the person shared) so naturally, you didn't look uncomfortable or anything because you were just talking about your interest with someone else.

- Nicholas would see this and immediately comes up to you, pushing past the people trying to pull him to dance or something. He looks intimidating even if he's not trying to be and now that he IS trying to intimidate someone, he looks like he could kill the person talking to you with just a blink or something.

- He would immediately tell the person that you are taken and asks them to go bother someone else. When the person leaves, you would sulk a bit because you were having a nice conversation with them about an interest of yours.

- Nicholas would feel a little guilty but it gets pushed away and he insists that 'they were still trying to get you away from me' or something. After that, he would learn about EVERY interest of yours so you can talk to him about it instead.

"Talk to me instead. I'm a great listener, y'know."

Yuma

- THIS BOY IS POSSESSIVE AND GETS SUPER CLINGY ABOUT IT. LIKE AN ACTUAL CAT. I'm just gonna say this but Nekoz are definitely the ones who gets easily jealous.

- I saw a clip from EJ and Yuma's live, I think EJ asked Yuma something like what if the fans spend valentines with someone else and Yuma immediately went 'no! they should spend it with us! 😾' LIKE WOAH OKAY, I like a possessive man.

- I also saw a girl ranking the members from least to most possessive based on their birth chart I think and YUMA was the one that is the most possessive based on his birth chart and I was NOT surprised at all.

- He sees someone else making you laugh? HE'S LITERALLY '😾' AND CLINGS TO YOU. Taking a seat next to you, resting his head on your shoulder, arms around your waist. KISSES ON YOUR NECK AND MAKES SURE THE OTHER PERSON SEES HIM DOING IT. (It's very obvious that I enjoy writing for Yuma)

- Once you tease him about him being jealous tho, he denies it.

"I wasn't jealous! I was just making sure you would only laugh like that because of me."

Taki

- SPEAKING OF CLINGY, Taki would also be like this. But unlike Yuma who is like a cat and glares at the person, Taki would have puppy eyes looking at YOU because you're not giving him attention.

- Taki would ALWAYS be by your side but that doesn't stop anyone from approaching you (because they think Taki was your younger brother or something) but Taki wouldn't even care if someone said that. HE JUST CARES ABOUT YOU AND YOUR ATTENTION 😞

- I don't but for meee, I just really see Taki as someone who pulls a baddie from being weird and a loser really but I also love it when my man is down bad (nonchalant < yearners) A MAN WHO YEARNS IS A MAN WHO EARNS.

"Heyy, pay attention to meee. Can we get takoyaki please?"

Another message from the doll: I don't think this is nsfw or even suggestive so it should've been on my sfw blog instead but I was halfway writing this on the app and too lazy to transfer it, also because the ask was sent here. Situations are lowkey repetitive but I hope y'all still enjoy it 😞 anyway! As always, ask box is open for requests, thoughts, feedbacks, or messages!

[familyagrestefanblog]

I finally got around to watch "The Ruler" and, man, when it comes to Nathaniel and Marc, this episode is simply PHENOMENAL. But it's honestly heartbreaking to see that the show is giving more and more plot lines we longed to see for the love square for over a decade now to side characters. Sure, the comic was a Ladynoir parallel, but it's an outdated one and has now been given to Nathaniel and Marc instead.

It can even be seen in the way Marinette and Adrien have no real reaction to the comic of which the story SHOULD have hit them very close to home because of their hero partner. But they don't. Especially Marinette who the episode wrote as so excited and invested in the story that she wanted to keep a printed test version of it and hang it up in her room.

As nice as the wishful thinking is that she did this because it reminded her of her partnership with Chat Noir, there is nothing in the episode to actually back that up. Marinette is emotionally invested in the story, but there is no real indication that this is anything else but her simply being an invested fan like everyone else.

But not just that. The episode also pretty much goes out of its way to reinforce how dead Ladynoir is by now by giving yet another prime example of how Marinette since season 4 has demanded and 100% established that she'll drag her entire civilian life into her hero work - and fully on Chat's expense bc for her to drag 100% of her life in she had to first forbid him from existing under the mask AT ALL in season 4 & 5 - cause she'll neither humour waiting for him and will just pick another main partner for her in any given battle she likes while still not letting Chat know anything about it. Chat Noir may as well not have shown up here at all, Marinette would have literally not noticed it. She already replaced him as her partner for the battle, she wouldn't have cared for a single second.

It used to be normal that they WAIT for each other, btw. But here in "The Ruler" the episode at least didn't hide that one of the two main reasons for why Chat Noir got immediately screwed over was because Ladybug just completely forgot about him again as leader and "partner" who still acts like she hasnt paid any attention yet in 5 seasons that leaving Chat Noir out of the plan, not waiting, and not informing him of what the plan is before going about executing it increases the likelihood of him getting hurt as well as him becoming reckless when he enters the field because of his insecurities which she has been made well WELL aware of by now. And this wasn't some city destroying akuma, so no excuse here (Same as Werepapas. There was no excuse for not taking your time to avoid risking to kill Adrien, the akuma was a non-threat to the city).

Say however you like that Adrien should be more careful and not act out on his insecurities like this (even though i know exactly that this is a standard you will NEVER apply to Marinette who's causing way more damage by taking her insecurities out on others), but this is on Maribug too. Shes the leader and DEMANDS that Chat Noir always shows up on his own bc she declared caring about the Black Cat Miraculous to not be a job a professional leader should ever be asked of to do.

Those were HER self-serving terms she set on Chat's expense in season 4, so now it still absolutely IS her obligation as leader to consider how things will affect him when he then later enters the battle field. She can't just write his existence off, pick another partner rooted in her civilian life, and already get into the real battle before he arrives when that has continously proven itself to screw him over. That's ABYSMAL leadership.

And if Marinette by now STILL doesn't know yet that this will put Chat in danger, then she's honestly just an awful leader to him, too. How many seasons, incidents, and bonding moments does this girl need to finally pay attention as leader and not forget about him the second she feels guilty about something from her civilian life and wants to solve it by giving her friends Miraculous powers? We've had this 500 times already, this is nothing new.

Again, at least this episode had it come with the appropriate consequences. Brainwashed Chat Noir chases Ladybug and tries cataclysming her, where she then continues writing him off, thinking he'll just not show up again after she got away, which then logically resulted in Chat pushing her into the brainwashing weapon too from which Caprikid then had to save them BOTH from and defeat the akuma by himself.

All of this wouldn't have happened if Ladybug still in any way acted like Chat Noir is her actual PARTNER like the comic said. But this girl will just pick someone else over him on a whim and writes off his entire existence, only to then continue acting surprised when that backfires. She literally does it TWICE in this very episode and it's the main reason for both of their brainwashings. Marinette, STOP WRITING OFF CHAT NOIR'S EXISTENCE!!!

And sure, that may sound like I'm contracting myself when I initially complained about this showcasing that Ladynoir is dead by now, because "clearly" this episode (as well as Daddycop for example or Revelator) acknowledges in its writing that Marinette's treatment of Chat Noir is bad and causes problems.

But here is the thing. Theoretically speaking, yes, that's how it COULD be used, but clearly isn't. Same as Adrinette ( and especially MARINETTE) not reacting to the Ladynoir coded comic story, Marinette is now for the third season in a row not written to acknowledge at any point that her ever-on-going problematic treatment of Chat Noir is something that she should STOP doing because it fundamentally puts him in danger and therefore causes problems.

You can absolutely watch this episode and not acknowledge that Marinette's leadership and her just randomly picking a new main partner for the battle on a whim is the primary reason for why Chat Noir got screwed over again (you know, the way the show always does. If you don't want Marinette to ever be at fault for anything, the writing will make sure that you won't be asked to face that). Season 4-6 writing are indeed writing in the logical consequences of her bad leadership decisions on his expense, but at no point is Marinette HERSELF written to then learn the lesson and stop it. She's right back to her Season 4 bullshit the way she still does it over and over and OVER again. But she NEVER actually learns. Quite the opposite, her problem-causing leadership only gets further cemented as the new status quo and she NEVER does anything about it for the third season in a row! That's why I'm saying it's the primary factor at fault here. Adrichat absolutely isn't blameless, but Maribug's faults and bad leadership decisions have remained unchallenged for over 2 seasons now while Adrien is always blamed and held accountable for anything awful that happens to him under her leadership. It's Maribug's side that is the root of it by now thanks to that development, so it's the one that has to be called out and held accountable to solve the problem for good.

But season 6 too seems to have no interest in finally asking Marinette to improve her leadership system she established fully on Chat's expense. She just keeps going, no matter what.

And that's how we end up with episodes like this where, yes, the Nathaniel and Marc comic is Ladynoir coded, but it's painfully outdated partnership wise and Marinette herself literally acts like Chat Noir is still non-existent in her head and barely means anything to her. She has hero (best) friends she can and will replace him with at any moment and she a devoted boyfriend who will worship and take care of her the way Chat was once set up to do.

Chat Noir is pretty much irrelevant in Marinette's head and life now, the way we already saw it in season 4 & 5, but especially Kwamis Choice. And this being episode 15 (so one of the mid-season finales) really tells you alot about what direction Ladynoir will still continue to go. And its one that was 100% predictable and most importantly AVOIDABLE ever since season God damn 4.

If / when Chrysalis gets her hands on Chat Noir, I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to feel bad for Marinette in this anymore. Maribug losing Chat Noir to the Butterfly is just painfully earned at this point. Just do it already.

[shoujosoulsite]

𝒜omi's waiting room : concept and lore 🪷

ok, the votes came in and it looks like everyone wants to know about the place I’m respawning to. Of course, i will gladly explain everything! Here is everything about my lore and my waiting room

❀ part I | ukiyo, the floating world .

── .✦ the concept of my home world

In Japanese, ukiyo (浮世) means two things. One is “transient world” or "floating world” and the other is “truly living in the moment and detached from all of life's worries”. This perfectly fits with my waiting room in both meanings. my home world mainly consists of two (three if you really squint) sections “the floating mini world” and “the heart of euthymia”. This entire bundle is just a timeless, eternal, and cozy place where you can call home and not worry about anything.

After the past life version of myself has brutally died, my significant other “shinko” who goes by satoru in my waiting room and in most realities has spend decades looking for me, even creating a whole world (which is this waiting room) just so we can be together eternally without nothing *even the stars* tear us apart. (*cough* yeah they is pretty much a Yandere but is soft and non-toxic*)

The Floating mini world...or should I say floating castle is a traditional x modern (modern in a cutesy y2k sense *not the ugly or bland type* ) Japanese styled floating mansion with too many gardens and plushies surrounding the place. It’s a place where both me, my lifa assistant “meiko”, and satoru resides in. It’s high up in skies— the heavens you may add! Surrounded with clouds , colors, and sparkling mini stars. The whole vibes and aesthetics are basically the Mononoke series and bee and puppy cat. I like to call this place my spawn point because this is not only just the place I will literally wake up in when I respawn but always wake up in when I shift back, especially due to any type of death or a “major shift”. It mainly consists of not only this home but the beautiful skies and the mugen express .

The mugen express is the train that I like to consider one of the two main transportations to my desired realities(the first way is shifting normally by deciding and a couple of affirmations) . It also can be a form of delivery when I order stuff from my lifa delivery app, or a way of summoning people when I’m lonely. One fun detail is that whenever I enter the train, especially when it comes to shifting to my desired realities is that depending on the dr I go to, inside the train will replicate it! From, aesthetics, vibes, and items from those drs.

the ever after are the skies that beyond the eyes can see. It’s basically where a beautiful chaos takes place. In the ever after is the heart of euthymia which is ethereal zone where the true form (they are like some higher and celestial being )of my significant other resides in. Shinko divided themselves into three versions— the one that with me in a human form in the floating castle, the main version of themself here, the overall essence of their being in all the realities I go to (in the terms of significant other. Which is why in one of my last posts where I list down my current drs, I mention how all these different forms of my lover are still the same person ) (yeah I was inspired by the Holy Trinity from Christianity for this concept ).

I don’t know if any of you watched the movie annihilation (it’s a really great film) but the antagonist "the shimmer" is extraterrestrial being with an electromagnetic field that changes and scrambles the dna of any life that touches it. I wanna base the whole heart of euthymia on that (this is still in the works btw)! It's where magic and chaos take in full form, where infinite possibilities in this waiting room come from, and you can say, is the main source of the magic of this waiting room.

🪽 yeah that’s the overall basis of waiting room, if you have questions my mail is always open!

[moni-logues]

there's no insight in this one, btw, just my nonsense

you got out pretty unscathed.

LMAO, she loves him, your honour!!!!!

You feel sorry for him - that’s the feeling that overcomes all the others. Because you understand this fear: that not working is his fault, that it says something about his character, that it’s a fatal diagnosis that he’ll never shake.

aw, same hat. spidermen pointing at each other

“I don’t know,” you tell him truthfully. “We didn’t get to find out.”

love the simplicity of this the honesty of this. take that bitch

i love the stuff with her sister because it's so like. it's so easy to have people be the villain and it's so much less easy to have people do their best, even if it's wrong, even if it's right for them but wrong for others, it's hard to see that our perspective might not be the right one and i think it's extra hard to do that in writing and make it feel natural and easy and believable. really deftly handled and i don't even mind if maybe they become closer now (even though I LOOOOVe having someone to think the worst of, the more unreasonably the better)

weighs heavy like water-logged clothing.

loooooooooooove this

It’s sort of how one might feel about Sisyphus - you understand his motivations and the good place they come from, but you wish he could step away and let the rock go, move on to more productive challenges. 

sisyphus slander!!!! He'd LOVE to let go of the rock!!!! eternal damnation is eternal!!!

LOVE the conversations about the 'break-up'. the partial truth of it no less true just because it's partial. i just think it's neat

“I dunno,” he admits. “We’re talking non-stop, it’s just… no one has pulled the trigger on it. It’s like we’re both waiting to see what the other will do. Neither of us wants to say it first.” “Why not?” He laughs once, a bit bitter. “Gives the other person the power, I guess. Gives them the chance to say no. So… here we are. Limbo.”

HUH. HUHHHHHHHHHHHH. this feels FAMILIAR

Would you even entertain him if he did?” “I don’t think so,” you say.

AND OTHER LIES

@princess_ji: cheollie told me that when he went to your sister’s wedding last month you came onto him and you slept together. is that true?

ngl i would have a HUUUUGE problem getting over the fact that he said it was HER who came onto him. like, whatever, fine, but also, WHY. why does he have to say it was her? what does it matter? they still did it regardless of who came onto whom, so WHY. I specifically went back and checked and they were extremely mutual about the kiss at the wedding, he's the one who kissed her in the lift. yeah ok she got naked and got in the shower but HE was the one who joined her there. im too proud and too petty to countenance this. she's a better man than i.

would love to know waht the gang all think tbh. i want them/this on a podcast.

He nods, face serious. “Yes you do. You let me in, when you needed me. That’s a start.” And look what you did with it, you think. You were just more proof that my way is, in fact, keeping me safe.

i actually would love to know if he ever put that piece together. like, oh you let me in.. and then actually i did really hurt you because i was just too scared to try for something with you. does he actually recognise that that's what happened? i mean, he's right in general and im amazed at her self-control in NOT slinging it back at him, but yeah, i wonder

You Think You Might - Chapter 4 || csc

banner by @itaeewon

You Think You Might (masterpost)

Seungcheol x fem!reader angst smut fluff fake dating!au, kind of sort of exes to lovers?

NSFW - minors DNI

Summary: Seungcheol agrees to be your fake boyfriend at your sister’s destination wedding, under the condition that it “stays there”. You didn’t expect it to hurt when he holds you to that promise.

WC: 54k across 5 chapters; this chapter 13k

Status: complete; posting a new chapter each Friday

Warnings: language, angst, hurt feelings, arguments, casual/recreational drinking, a super cringe dm exchange, bad behavior by pretty much everyone except soonchan because they're perfect angels, an almost-kiss

A/N: thank you to @sailorsoons and @eoieopda for beta-ing and to @kkaetnipjeon for naming almost every background character for me

You don’t see or hear from Seungcheol for days - during which you go from feeling disappointed to confused and embarrassed, which is where you land by the next weekend.

His absolute silence was surprising, and remains confusing, but you’re determined to keep as much of your dignity intact as possible, so when Soonyoung texts you to come hang out on Friday night, you accept.

If you’re praying that Seungcheol doesn’t show up, no one needs to know but you.

And maybe your brother will have some insight as to what happened.

You hadn’t talked to Soonyoung about it at all, yet. You’re sure you’ll be accosted for information immediately on arriving, and you waste a good hour of your afternoon trying to decide what you’ll say. Should you lie and say everything went right back to normal? What if Seungcheol has just been busy, and he reaches out and does want to talk, or see you, or -? No, that won’t happen. Best to just be honest.

By the time Friday night rolls around, you’re still unsure what to say, and still unsure if you’d rather see Seungcheol there and potentially have to face his disinterest head-on, or if you’d rather he not be there there, leaving you wondering about where his head is for another week or so.

You spend all evening turning this over and over in your mind - how tender he’d been with you at the resort, his dimpled grin and airy giggles when you goofed off together, his hands on your body, his music in your ears. And now silence.

Had you imagined it all?

No. You know you hadn’t. There had been something between you. So…what had happened?

Your brother greets you by pressing a beer into your hand, the cold both jarring and grounding, somehow.

“Bless you,” you joke, but really, you mean it. You say a quick hello to the guys on the couch (Vernon, Joshua, and Wonwoo for now) and then you head for the kitchen, for some semblance of privacy. You perch on the counter, leaning back against Soonyoung’s ugly cabinets, and down part of the beer. When you set down the bottle, your brother and his dumb roommate - a brother by proxy - stare at you expectantly from the kitchen table.

“What?” you ask.

Soonyoung levels you with a look. “Anything you want to get off your chest?”

You shrug. “Can’t think of anything.”

Dumb and Dumber exchange a look and then turn back to you in unison. “About Seungcheol? And you?” he prompts flatly.

You struggle with what to say next. You look down at your beer bottle, at your feet, at the floor. Finally, you meet your brother’s eyes, feeling that wave of embarrassment rise up inside you. At the end of the day, Seungcheol left you looking like a fool. You shrug, let this speak for itself.

And he understands, because he’s your brother, and he’s known you as long as he’s been alive. Something in his face crumples a little. “I’m sorry,” he says. He lets this sit for a minute, then adds “I shouldn’t have suggested that you bring him…”

“It’s not your fault,” you assure him. “And I’ll be fine. I’ll get over it. It wasn’t that deep, honestly. I just… feel really fucking stupid.”

“Noona, no,” Chan says, reaching across the table as if to soothe you. “We were all there. We all saw what was going on.”

This should make you feel better, but it doesn’t.

“I just…” you trail off, heels kicking against the lower cabinets, “I’m just… confused, I guess. When we were coming home, I was sure - like - even at the airport he was…”

They look at you with twin looks of sympathy, waiting you out.

You tap the bottom of the glass bottle against the countertop, just to look at something besides their pitying faces.

“I thought something would happen,” you finish quietly. “And I’m just confused as to why it didn’t. But it’ll be okay. It wasn’t that deep.”

The silence drags so long that you do look back up at them, finding them engaging in one of their frequent silent conversations.

Finally, your little brother meets your gaze, a bit cowed. “Would you… feel better, if you understood why? Or worse?”

Your blood runs cold, though you couldn’t say why. You just know by the question that they know something, that there is something to know.

“Tell me,” you demand.

“Have you… seen his insta?” Soonyoung asks timidly.

“No,” you say, heart sinking. “I unfollowed yesterday.”

He slides his phone across the table for you to see, and you’ve got the gist of it before your feet even hit the linoleum: him and Jieun, faces pressed tight together for a selfie.

You freeze in the middle of the kitchen, eyes on the screen, taking in the way he presses his cheek into the top of her head, familiar and affectionate.

It all makes sense, now - how he’d changed his tune out of nowhere. Jieun had said jump, and he’d leapt from his seat, as you’d seen him do for her since you were all still in college.

You wonder at what point during the trip she’d reared her head again - before the flight home? After?

There’s no way to know.

Joshua appears in the doorway, looking around at you warily like he knows he’s interrupting something.

“Sorry,” he says, skirting around where you stand frozen in the kitchen’s center, as if he’s afraid to get too close. “I just needed another beer.”

“No, you’re fine,” you say, making your way towards the table. “We were heading in there in a minute anyway.”

As Joshua exits again, beer in hand, he spots Soonyoung’s phone on the table, the offending image still displayed.

“Yah,” he mutters, rolling his eyes. “Here we go again, right?”

You all stare at each other in silence as he leaves.

Finally, you sigh. “Can you just… warn me if he’s coming over?”

Chan frowns. “Don’t leave just because he’s here,” he begs.

“I won’t,” you promise. “It’ll just be nice to have some warning, you know?”

There’s nothing any of you can say to change the situation. You’ll just have to deal, have to move on. It’ll be fine; you just need a bit of time. In the end, you should just be grateful it wasn’t worse, grateful your heart hadn’t gotten in deeper. All things considered, you got out pretty unscathed.

Back in the living room, you all settle in and put on a movie you’ve seen a hundred times so you can talk over it without upsetting anyone. It feels nice to settle back into normal, back with people you consider friends, back with your brother, and you feel yourself relax.

That is, until Vernon’s phone buzzes on the coffee table and he reaches to answer it. “Hey hyung. Yes, at Soonyoung’s. Okay. Sweet.”

He hangs up and tosses his phone back to where it was, obliviously announcing, “Hyung is coming over.”

Even if you weren’t sure which hyung it was, the reaction would answer for you. Soonyoung and Chan look at you so immediately, heads turning in unison, that you feel yourself flush hot. Your stomach twists.

You spend the next ten minutes - you time it - arguing with yourself, trying to talk yourself into staying, trying to convince yourself that you can handle this.

Your cowardly side wins.

“I’m pretty tired,” you lie, starting to rise. Maybe some of the guys will buy it. “I think I’m gonna head home.”

The look Chan gives you reminds you of a sad puppy, but you do your best to ignore him as you wave goodbye, gather your things, and slink out of the apartment.

You’re too late; you spent too long waffling. Seungcheol’s car is parked two spots down from yours, and he seems to be fishing around his backseat for something. You try to sneak to your car, but he spots you, straightening up and closing his door.

“Hey,” he says tightly, and you wonder if he’s nervous, too.

“Hi,” you say back. You don’t mean it to sound like, hi, you asshole, but it absolutely does.

You stare at each other across the cracked concrete, the tension thickening.

You don’t know what to say - you don’t know what you want from him. An apology? An explanation from him instead of your baby brother? Both?

Finally, he closes his eyes and shakes his head, shoulders sagging a little. “I should have texted you.”

It’s neither an apology nor an explanation, so you look at him flatly. “Only if you had something worth saying,” you say, and you can hear how cold it is. You suppose he deserves it, at least a little.

He seems to tuck small into himself for just a second. “So I guess you heard.”

You squint at him. “Could have saved me some embarrassment if you’d had the balls to tell me yourself, but yeah, I was informed.”

“I’m sorry,” he says, quickly - appeasing, insincere, just to get you off his back.

“Sure,” you say easily. “It’s whatever.”

He hears the lie for what it is and goes on the defensive. “It was supposed to stay there,” he points out. “We said - we said it stayed there.”

“We said that before,” you shoot back. Before he’d kissed you in private, before you’d slept together, before you’d stayed up all night talking, before he’d held your hand even when the weekend was over.

“No,” he snaps, taking a step towards you, away from his car. “You don’t get to do that. We agreed that we’d come home and go back to how it was. You don’t get to change your mind because you - because -”

He trails off; he clearly doesn’t want to put words in your mouth, doesn’t want to say because you liked it when you haven’t admitted it yourself.

“But you can change your mind - and let’s both be very clear, that’s what happened here - you can change your mind, just because your ex came sniffing around again?”

There it is - the whole picture, the entire truth, shattered on the feet of pavement between you, shards spraying into the darkness around you.

His expression darkens. “You don’t understand.”

You laugh, once, bitter. “I’ve been around since undergrad,” you bite. “I understand a lot more than you think I do.”

It’s true - you’ve seen it all before, the games Seungcheol and Jieun play to piss each other off: waiting to see who would text first, purposely making each other jealous, being petty and passive aggressive instead of ever talking something out.

Something plaintive crosses his face and he opens his arms wide, beseeching. “Don’t I owe it to her to try?” he asks, voice pained. “What if I can do it this time? What if I’ve… grown enough, or whatever, to be right for her?”

You feel sorry for him - that’s the feeling that overcomes all the others. Because you understand this fear: that not working is his fault, that it says something about his character, that it’s a fatal diagnosis that he’ll never shake.

That if he can’t do it right with her, it means he can’t do it right with anyone.

And you know he’s wrong. 

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Seungcheol,” you say, instead of answering his question. He lets his arms drop, just stares at you across the pavement. “You’re not broken or irredeemable. And nothing’s wrong with her either.”

Seungcheol’s jaw tightens. “But?” he bites out.

“There is no but. You’re both capable of being a great partner to someone. Just not each other. It’s not a bad thing, and it’s not anyone’s fault. You just need someone… different than her.”

“Someone like you,” he says flatly, like he’s clarifying, but the sarcasm isn’t as hidden away as he might have meant. 

You regard him evenly. You still feel mostly pity. 

“I don’t know,” you tell him truthfully. “We didn’t get to find out.”

Then you shake your car key out from the others and head for your driver’s side door.

He calls your name, quietly, but you ignore him. You make a point of not looking for him in your mirrors as you toss your phone into the center console, slide into reverse, and weave out of the parking lot. You don’t want to know if he watches you go. It doesn’t matter either way.

The thing about your brother is that he has tells. Blatant ones, even over texting. So when his picture - an old, grainy one you’d found in one of your mom’s physical photo albums, from the year he was four, grinning in a full-bodied hamster onesie - pops up on your phone with a faux-innocent “hiiiiii” beside it, you frown immediately.

“Hi what?” you send back. You just know, based on years of experience, that he's going to ask you something he thinks you won't agree to.

And he knows you too well, because he knows that being cute about it won't help him. Instead, his next message is just the link to a brewery's website and the question - “Friday night?”

You click it and scroll around - it seems like it's pretty new, and the owners must be trying to drum up young clientele, because the website boasts a number of events (trivia! paint and sip! 90’s night!) and the photo gallery proudly displays images of games like giant jenga and cornhole.

You're still scrolling through the photo gallery when you're interrupted by an incoming call. You go to swipe it away - instinct, naturally - when you realize it says Nayoung. 

You frown, rereading the name on the screen as if maybe it’s a lie. Then, with a bit of simmering anxiety, you slide your thumb to accept the call.

“Hey, unnie. What's wrong?” you ask automatically, sure that she must be calling because someone is dying - nothing short of that ever got her to call before.

Her silence on the other end rings for a second, long enough to make you scared that someone really did die.

“Unnie?” you prod.

“Sorry - hi,” she says, her voice coming to life in your ear. “Nothing’s wrong. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

There’s an edge to her voice and you try to define it - defensive? Irritated?

“Oh,” you say. This whole thing is so weird. “So, then, what’s up?”

“Just calling to chat, I guess.”

“You guess?” It slips out before you can stop it.

She sighs, like she knows you’re right. “I’m sorry,” she says. “It’s weird, right? I just… seeing you made me realize that you’re all grown up now, and I don’t know you.”

You don’t say anything. Every instinct you have is begging you to defend, to dig your shovel into the crumbling, wet earth of years of anger. But you want to see what she has to say before you bury her.

When you don’t answer, she pushes on. “I was just thinking that… if I want to change that… someone needs to start trying. And I guess it should be me.”

You tap your fingers on your desk, uneasy. “I don’t know what to say,” you admit. “I guess I appreciate… that you want to.” It feels stilted at best, completely faked at worst. You need time to process, to decide what you want. You wish this had been a text message so you didn’t have to say anything until you were ready, until you'd scripted it perfectly.

Because, in real time, she asks, haltingly, “Well, what do you want?”

You can’t not answer. You can’t spend six hours asking for help to craft the ideal reply.

“I don’t know,” you whisper.

“Okay,” she says, like she’d braced herself for a worse response and she’s relieved it’s only this. “Okay, that’s okay. That’s fine. Just… think about it.”

“Mhm,” you manage. You feel like you’re in a play and no one ever gave you your lines. Then, as you glance sideways at the calendar tacked to your office’s bulletin board, you ask, “Aren’t you still on your honeymoon?”

She laughs, and the tension breaks a little. “Yeah. We’re just hanging out right now. We have two more days and then it’s back to reality.”

“Sorry,” you deadpan, and she laughs again.

“Me too,” she agrees. Then, she adds, “Well, I’ll let you go. I know it’s a workday.”

“Yes and I am clearly working very hard,” you say flatly, just to make her laugh again.

“If you want to call or text,” she says, “you’re welcome to, okay?”

“Sure,” you say, but you know you won’t. Habits of over twenty years are pretty tough to break, you think.

“Are you having a good time?”

It’s a delicate question; you find yourself spending your Friday night at the brewery that Soonyoung had texted you about, and it should be fun - has all the trappings of a good time. The vibe is nice, the live music is great, and you love a good game, so you’ve been playing giant Jenga and connect-4 against Soonyoung and Chan for the last two hours as you knock back different craft beers. All things you like.

But for some reason - which certainly isn’t that Seungcheol is here, and he hasn’t talked to you once, instead staying sequestered with Mingyu and Jeonghan - you’re in a shitty mood, constantly checking your phone to see if it’s late enough that you can leave without being a party pooper. 

You’re not even sure how long ago Chan and Soonyoung abandoned you with the stranger. You’re seated at the bar now, your back facing the games, and you can hear Seokmin’s noisy giggle floating your way.

“Yeah,” you say, because you hate being impolite. “I seem to have lost my friends, though.”

The guy - who, now that you’re paying attention, is actually pretty cute - glances over your shoulder towards the giggler. “I noticed,” he says, turning back to you, “that you are here with thirteen guys. What’s the situation? Are they, like, your sister wives?”

You laugh, and he smiles, happy to have succeeded. “Well, the one about to start crying over Jenga is my little brother, so let’s quickly remove him from the scenario,” you say, and the guy nods, playing along.

“They’re mostly his friends,” you admit. “I just tag along.”

“Ah,” he says. “So no sister wives. Or boyfriends.”

“Ah,” you repeat, because he showed his hand. “No boyfriends or wives. Or partners of any kind, just to cover all the bases.”

He does a valiant job trying to carry a conversation with you, and you try to engage at least to a polite degree, but your heart just isn’t in it. Your bad mood festers, weighs heavy like water-logged clothing. When the clock strikes midnight, you consider yourself off the hook.

You apologize to the guy - whose name you didn’t even get, during this whole time - and extract yourself. You make your way over to where the guys are gathered by the indoor cornhole games. 

“I’m gonna head,” you tell your brother. 

He frowns, glancing at his phone. “It’s only midnight.”

You nod, tight-lipped. You don’t want to speak, don’t want to let it all spill out - that it isn’t fun to hang around trying not to watch Seungcheol out of the corners of your eyes, not fun to push your bitterness down and keep up the mask of someone who isn’t angry. 

Luckily, he doesn’t push it. “Fine,” he says, kind of flatly, and it makes you sad for a whole different reason. You hate letting Soonyoung down. “Get home safe.”

In your periphery, you watch Seungcheol’s head snap up at this. You shift so he’s out of your view, start pulling up the app to get a ride home. 

He doesn’t get the message your body-language is sending, instead sidling up next to you, his own phone in hand.

“Are you heading out?” he asks. “I was going, too, if you want to share a ride.”

Soonyoung gives you a quick pat on the arm and dips, heading back to Chan and the little bean-bags on the cornhole board. You don’t blame him - you wish you could vanish from here, too.

“Fine,” you say evenly. You don’t wait for him or even look back as you tap to confirm the ride. You just head for the front door at a clip.

Outside, you have a few minutes to wait before the car will arrive. You cross your arms, watching the street carefully, determined to engage with Seungcheol as little as possible.

Apparently, he has his own agenda. “You’re leaving pretty early,” he observes, sliding his phone into his hoodie pocket. 

You hum noncommittally, since he hadn’t asked a question. 

“Not having fun?” he prods.

You glance sideways at him. His cheeks are a bit pink. You hadn’t been paying enough attention to know how much he had to drink, but you’re wondering if he’s a little buzzed. 

“Just tired,” you lie, because it’s fewer syllables than the truth. 

He nods. His phone buzzes in his pocket again, loud enough that you both hear it. His face instantly shifts into guilt before he can correct it, and you know it’s Jieun blowing him up. You know that’s why he’s leaving early. You don’t even need to ask.

“Listen,” he says finally, and you lift your gaze to him. You feel absolutely nothing. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” you ask, but your voice comes out hard.

“You know.”

This makes you let out a sarcastic laugh. “If you can’t even articulate it, then I don’t think I can accept.”

He sighs heavily, like you’re being difficult. “I’m not sorry that I chose to try again with Jieun,” he admits. “I think I have the right. But I’m sorry that you got hurt in the process. That wasn’t… what I wanted.”

You choke back the defensive I’m not hurt. “I appreciate the apology,” you say coolly. 

He regards you silently. For a second you’re back at the resort and he’s your knight in shining armor, ready to stand between you and whatever’s upsetting you. For a second, you’re back between his arms in bed, warm and safe and hopeful. For a second, your hand is back in his, accepting his promise to make things better for you.

The car slides up to the curb and you check the license plate against the app before opening the door and getting into the backseat. 

“I hope you’ll actually forgive me,” he says quietly, as the car pulls away. “Even if it takes a while.”

And there he is, your Seungcheol - earnest and quiet. 

“I forgive you,” you say. “I’m just… I’ll be fine. You hurt my pride, but I’ll get over it.”

“I am really sorry,” he repeats, and this time you believe him a little more. 

“It’s fine,” you say, because it’s going to have to be. “We’ve got to move past it, anyway, or things will be weird for my brother forever.”

Seungcheol’s quiet for a minute, thinking. His phone buzzes twice more on his lap, but he ignores it. 

“Do you think we can?” he asks finally. “Move past it? Maybe be friends?”

That would be new, you think. 

“I don’t know,” you say slowly. You’d have to put a lot of feelings away - both the good ones and the bad ones. “Do you think we could?”

He shrugs. “I already consider you my friend.”

You stare at your lap for a minute. “I’ll try,” you tell him, because it’s the most you can offer. 

He sends you a tiny, sideways smile. “I’m glad,” he says. 

That’s the last thing you say for the rest of the ride, until you’re slipping out of the car and calling a goodbye over your shoulder.

August

Time heals all wounds, and while you don’t want to say you were wounded necessarily, things do settle down - the sting ebbs, day by day. It’s replaced with acceptance and a bit of that same unnamable feeling that you always get when you think of Seungcheol and his quest to fix things with Jieun. It’s sort of how one might feel about Sisyphus - you understand his motivations and the good place they come from, but you wish he could step away and let the rock go, move on to more productive challenges. 

But he can’t - can’t step to the side and let the past roll away, can’t stop trying. Love is a curse, right?

“Don’t comets mean, like, disaster is coming?” Joshua asks. 

You’re all on Soonyoung and Chan’s roof - not even just the eight of you, but a bunch of your brother’s neighbors, too, all with the same idea. You’re not sure you’ll be able to see anything, with the city’s light pollution, but it’s one in the morning and you’re all standing around craning your necks, waiting for the promised show.

“Just change in general,” you say.

“Depends on the person, or the culture,” Vernon corrects from somewhere to your right. “To some, it’s a harbinger of disaster. To some, it just means change - good or bad.”

“Ominous,” Chan says, coming up behind you and resting his chin on your shoulder playfully before moving to bother Seungkwan.

You’d all been down in the apartment for a while, drinking and snacking. You’d even created a little themed cocktail you’d named the Comet-kazi, a play on the usual kamikaze made with your favorite tequila. It had been a nice night, even with Seungcheol there. You left each other alone, kept space, but you didn’t feel any of the simmer anything - neither the anger nor the desire. Things felt almost how they used to. Almost.

Now, all crowded together against the concrete wall of the rooftop, you feel a wave of affection for the whole crowd of your brother’s idiot friends - even Seungcheol. You lean a bit on Mingyu, mostly because you’re sleepy and he’s solid enough to hold you up, watching the sky for any flickers or flashes.

Seungcheol’s voice breaks the silence from behind you. “I gotta bounce. Sorry.”

No one answers him for a second, though you feel bodies shift around you as some of the guys look over their shoulders to see him already backing towards the door into the building. Next to you, Soonyoung meets your gaze, his expression flat and knowing - probably mirroring your own. 

It’s Joshua who speaks first. “You sure, man?” he asks. “They said this is once in a lifetime…”

“It’ll be there tomorrow,” Seungcheol says, already halfway through the door. He doesn’t look back as he disappears from view.

“Won’t be as good tomorrow,” Vernon mutters, too quiet for Seungcheol to hear. 

In front of you, leaning against the concrete, Chan sighs heavily. 

“We’ve lost him, lads,” Soonyoung murmurs next to you.

“Again,” adds Seungkwan darkly.

You shift your weight to lean against Soonyoung instead of Mingyu, unconsciously moving to comfort him, sensing his distress. 

“I’m sorry,” you tell him quietly.

He gives your elbow a squeeze. “None of it’s your fault.”

You aren’t sure you agree with that. Maybe if you’d been better, more worthy somehow - prettier, more witty, something - he’d have chosen you over the familiar path, and then your brother’s friend group wouldn’t be splintering. 

“There,” Mingyu says suddenly, pointing. You all shut up, turning to follow the line of sight from his finger. A few of Soonyoung’s neighbors press closer to your little group, all trying to see.

It takes a second, but then you see it - a ball of light not much bigger than the blinking planets, moving slowly across the sky. It has no tail, no flashes or sparkles or anything else the media might have led you to expect. But still, your eyes stay on it as it travels. You’re all silent, watching, nearly holding your breath.

Change.

You let yourself wonder what kind of change could be in store for you, let yourself hope that maybe - maybe - the universe could be bringing you something good.

“Did you see the comet last night?”

You switch your phone to your other ear and tuck it against your shoulder, your hands busy chopping an onion for dinner. Your mother’s voice rings, tinny. 

“I did,” you tell her, pausing to push some of the chopped pieces to the side with the blunt side of the knife. “I was at Soonyoung’s with all the guys. It was pretty cool. Did you?”

“Mhm,” your mother answers evenly. Then, “All the guys, hm? Was Seungcheol there?”

Your stomach drops. You hesitate on the cusp of the lie, your hands already starting to sweat enough that you have to set down the knife and wipe them on your jeans before resuming the chopping. 

Your fake relationship was - as Seungcheol had said, back on the night you’d argued last month - supposed to stay there. You hadn’t discussed what would happen after, as far as your story. Should you keep the lie going a little longer, or will it make the situation snowball into a problem?

You hesitate too long and your mother catches it. She says your name, inquisitive, and you sigh. You don’t like being dishonest with her. You push the last of the onion pieces into one pile and rinse the knife in the sink, then turn and lean back against the counter, dragging a hand over your face wearily, trying to decide what version of the story to give.

You settle on something that at least mimics the truth.

“We broke up,” you say. You can hear the flatness of your tone, can hear the regret and sliver of hurt in it. Those aren’t a lie at all.

She doesn’t respond for a long moment, and your stomach twists again. You tap your nails against the kitchen counter you’re leaning on, your pulse singing so loud it’s nearly yodeling. Then, she says, “I’m sorry to hear that. Do you want to talk about it?”

You hear the question for what it is - what happened?

You chew on your bottom lip, once again toying between the truth and a nicer version - it just didn’t work out, or, I’m not really sure what happened.

“His ex came back around,” you admit. It actually feels kind of good to say it to someone that’s not Soonyoung, something loosening in your stomach, a muscle you didn’t know you’d had clenched. “They’ve been on and off as long as I’ve known him. She’s like a drug he can’t quit, or something.” You pause, heart pounding hard as you trip over the words you’ve kept to yourself for almost a month now. “It was stupid of me to think it would be different now.”

Stupid to think he’d be different, for me, you add silently.

She says your name again, soft and regretful, and your eyes fill at the unexpected understanding and sympathy.

You let out a little bitter laugh, just to offset the unwelcome tears. “It is what it is,” you say, because that’s better than backsliding into being hurt, when you’d finally been putting it behind you.

“I’m sorry,” she murmurs, her voice going uncharacteristically quiet in response to the stark sadness in yours. “You aren’t stupid for hoping something will work. It’s not stupid to hope that someone will step up for you.”

You busy yourself by digging out the pot you need for the soup you want to cook, just to do something, put your sudden adrenaline towards an action. “I guess,” you say, but you’re wondering if she’s speaking from experience with your dad, all those years ago. Is this a lesson she’d learned after waiting for him to step up, time and time again? 

“He seemed to really like you,” she muses in your ear, and your fingers tighten on your phone as your face heats.

Yeah, you think. I thought so, too. You can’t make yourself say it, so you simply hum in agreement. 

She sighs. “Well, darling, there’s nothing to do but brush yourself off and get back on the horse.”

You scoff. “I think I’ll go inside and watch the horses from the window for a while, actually.”

She laughs, understanding the metaphor. “Well, not for too long, yeah?” she concedes. “Or you’ll forget how to ride.”

You drop the pot, the phone falling from your shoulder as you scramble to catch it. “Sorry - sorry,” you tell her, once you’ve righted everything. “Dropped the phone. I’m trying to cook dinner.”

“I can let you go,” she says easily. “I should call Nayoung, anyway.”

You say goodbye and hang up, and then stare listlessly at the pot and chopped vegetables on the countertop. You suddenly feel too tired to cook, too tired to think.

You close your eyes, press a cool hand against them and breathe. Talking about the situation had felt a bit freeing, it’s true, but it’d also brought some of the emotions back, and you’ve been trying to pack those up tight. 

“Enough,” you mutter to yourself. You reach to turn on the burner, waiting for the flame to emerge, waiting for your hurt feelings to settle back into quiet.

It’s the hottest week of the year when your air-con dies, because of course it is.

You call the building’s super, who tells you that the building’s entire HVAC unit is busted, and he’s got a team coming to work on it sometime in the next week.

You lay on your living room floor in your underwear, star-fished because you can’t stand to have one part of your body touch another, and melt, miserable. Even your pulse and your heartbeat feel like too much work for your overheated body.

It takes you less than twelve hours to crack, using your phone to buy a window unit from the local hardware store (a decision that future-you will regret when your credit card statement comes, but right now you’re too hot to care), selecting in-store pick-up. 

You get the unit into the car without a problem, thanks to the help of a store employee in a blue vest embroidered with the store’s name. It’s getting it out of the car that you realize you hadn’t thought enough about.

You call Soonyoung, who picks up on the third ring.

“What are you and Chan doing tonight?” you ask. You’re standing next to your car’s open back door, staring at the box like it’s a problem you might be able to solve. “I need a favor and I am willing to pay cash.”

“Sorry, but I have a date,” Soonyoung says. “And Chan’s at his parents’.”

“Fuck,” you mutter. 

“Why?” your brother asks, as you crouch next to your car just to keep yourself in its shadow; the sun beating down on you has nearly made you dizzy already. “What’s wrong?”

You explain the situation to him, a bit desperately. 

He hums. “I could ask Seungcheol-hyung,” he suggests.

“Soonyoung.”

“I’m serious. He’d be the most help, anyway. Probably more than Chan.”

You hear an indignant hey! in the background of the call.

“I don’t want you to call Seungcheol,” you say. “In fact, I would rather eat glass.”

But then you think about spending the rest of the day laying like a starfish in your living room. And about trying to sleep - sweat trickling down your back, legs sticky, flopping over time and time again.

There’s no way. You won’t survive.

“God,” you groan, miserable. “It’s fine. I can call him myself. Thanks anyway.”

“Good luck,” he tells you.

You lock your car and head inside - at least you can be out of the sun, and back under your ceiling fan. It’s not much but it’s better than nothing. You go back to starfish position and tap Seungcheol’s name on your phone. 

It rings out and goes to voicemail, so you hang up. Then your phone buzzes in your hand.

You roll your eyes. He’d texted you a “what’s up” instead of answering, which means he’s with Jieun and doesn't want to be on the phone with you in front of her. 

You text him back, need help with something.

Your phone rings almost immediately.

“You okay?” he asks.

Your chest tightens. You love and hate the way he’ll jump to take care of you. It isn’t fair, it promises something he can’t provide. It also makes you feel like you’re being filled with helium, cared for and protected.

“Yeah, it’s not, like, an emergency,” you explain. “It’s just… the air-con in my building went out, and I bought a window unit, but I can’t get it upstairs. I tried my brother and Chan and neither of them are home. I was gonna see if… but if you’re busy it’s totally fine.”

It seems like Seungcheol has pulled the phone away from his mouth; you can hear his voice, muffled, catch the words Soonyoung’s sister. 

You want to smash something. You almost hang up. 

“I can help,” he says, normal volume again. “Do you mind if it’s in an hour or so?”

“You’re doing me a favor,” you point out. “Take your time.”

He laughs lightly. “That’s true,” he says agreeably. “Okay. It might be a bit, but I’ll get there before dinnertime. Sound good?”

When the knock on your door comes, you’re almost dozing - still in the middle of the living room floor. You have to peel yourself off the ground gently, your skin sticking slightly. You make your way to the door sleepily, belatedly realizing that you should probably throw on at least a t-shirt - you’re thankfully not in just underwear anymore, but you are only in a sports bra and a pair of workout shorts. 

Oh well, you think. It’s not worse than a bathing suit. 

When you open the door, Seungcheol takes a small step backwards. 

“Um,” he says, a bit unsteadily, “hey.”

His gaze sweeps over you and then he looks steadfastly somewhere over your shoulder, the tips of his ears going dark.

“Hi,” you say, as normally as you can, as something both smug and bitter swims in your stomach. “Thanks for coming.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” he says, sounding more like himself, though his ears stay red as you step backwards to let him in.

“I did try my brother first,” you say, even though he already knows this. You feel kind of defensive, like you need to be very clear that you hadn’t just wanted to see him or something. 

(It’s nice to see him, just the two of you. It makes you want to sink into his presence, unclench something you hadn’t realized you’d had tightened, lose yourself in his slightly spicy scent. But that’s a road you can’t go down.)

“It’s not a problem,” he says, looking around your place absently. You realize he’s never been here before. 

“Do you want a drink? Water or anything?” you ask.

“Maybe after I carry it up,” he says, pulling on the front of his t-shirt and flapping it to cool down his sweaty skin. “Fuck, it’s hot in here.”

“Yeah, it’s been pretty unbearable,” you say. And it’s hotter now, just because his proximity makes your heart beat faster, your body raising its temperature without your permission. Just because his dark eyes look troubled, and it’s work to fight the instinct to fix it. Just because his smile still cuts through you, even when it’s kind of wary. “Let me just grab my keys and we can…” 

You trail off as you pat around your cluttered kitchen table until your fingers find metal. Then you lead Seungcheol back into the hallway and towards the stairs.

“So, uh,” you say as you walk, the back of your neck prickling under his gaze from behind you, “how have you been? How are things?”

You turn over your shoulder as you ask, which is the only reason you watch his face twist for a second before he says, “Ah, you know. Normal.”

“The face you just made says differently,” you point out.

He shrugs, mouth going into a firm, thin line. “It’s complicated.”

Ah. Of course. Jieun.

“Oh,” you say. “We, uhm. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“We probably shouldn’t,” he says, sounding a bit chagrined. You watch his face carefully - your eyes charting the way his lashes flick as his gaze drops, the down-turn of his mouth flirting with the idea of a pout, his jaw flexing and relaxing like he’s focusing on making it look normal. 

You wish you could squeeze his hand or give him a hug; anything to let him know that someone cares if he’s hurting. But you can’t - he’s not your problem, not your responsibility. Straight-up not yours.

You blow out a quick breath, determined to get your shit together. “I mean,” you say, pausing on the stairs’ landing so you can face him, “you’re not going to hurt my feelings at this point. We did say we’d try being friends. If you want to talk about it and get a perspective that’s not from a twenty-something-year-old dude, I’m offering. As a friend.”

He stares at you for a moment, processing, making a decision. He seems to deflate a little when he decides. 

“It’s nothing really worth talking about,” he says. “Just the usual with Ji.”

Ji. You work hard not to grimace. 

“Are you two… back together?” you ask, your voice kind of small in the empty stairwell.

He shifts his weight from foot to foot, eyes finding the ceiling of the stairwell like he can’t look at you while he says this. “Not yes, but not no. Hence the… complicated.”

“Hence,” you repeat with a snort. He makes a face at you. For a second, it feels easy again. 

“So, what’s the problem?” you ask, leaning back against the wall and crossing your arms. The cement is cool against your back, actually feels nice after melting in the apartment for hours. 

“I dunno,” he admits. “We’re talking non-stop, it’s just… no one has pulled the trigger on it. It’s like we’re both waiting to see what the other will do. Neither of us wants to say it first.”

“Why not?”

He laughs once, a bit bitter. “Gives the other person the power, I guess. Gives them the chance to say no. So… here we are. Limbo.”

“So stop it,” you say clearly, like it’s simple. His brows scrunch. “Seriously. Say what you mean - tell her what you want.”

His eyes flick to the floor and then back to yours, something swimming in his brown eyes. “What if she -”

“Doesn’t matter,” you say firmly. “If she says no, if she laughs in your face - it doesn’t matter. Would that be worse than never getting what you actually want? Really?”

He’s quiet for a minute. Then he grumbles, “How come you always have the answer? I really fucking hate that.”

“It’s because don’t think with my dick,” you fire back, and he laughs out loud.

“What’s her excuse, then?” he asks. 

“Not sure,” you say, thinking about this. “But I have a lot of theories. The first one being that she enjoys the games just as much as you do - until they stop being fun.”

He lets out a wry laugh. “That’s no secret.” He regards you for a second, and you swear his eyes sweep your form again. Then he lowers his voice and says, “It’s kind of refreshing, how you don’t. Play games, I mean.”

You flush hot - angry, you think. You open your mouth to scold him, to tell him it’s fucked up to stand here and compare you to her, but he beats you to it.

“Sorry,” he says quickly. “I just heard what I said.”

Your fury settles, just slightly, but your body takes longer to get the message. Your heart still pounds, your face feels like you need to stick it in the freezer, your pulse thuds with adrenaline as it prepares to fight.

For a second, you’re in that hotel shower with him again, your fingers in his hair. The adrenaline feels the same. The space between you feels charged, suddenly, alive and awake and ready to take what it wants - take what you and Seungcheol both want, it seems.

You’re saved from having to reply - the door at the bottom of the stairs slams open and Mingyu’s voice yells, “Hello? I’m dying out here!”

You look at Seungcheol, baffled, the moment broken.

“I brought help,” he explains. “Come on.”

Before he leaves, as the new window unit blasts into your bedroom, you stop him.

“Be honest with her,” you tell him, voice low so Mingyu won’t overhear and get nosy. “It’s Boyfriending 101.”

Later, you lay on your bed in the dark, your new window unit blowing directly over you. You want to freeze, want to have goosebumps for the rest of your life to make up for how hot your last two days were. 

Your phone lights up with a notification and you glance at it. 

Your sister - mom told me about your break up :( sorry to hear that

You frown. You don’t appreciate your mother spreading your business, don’t want Nayoung getting little peeks into your life that you don’t feel she deserves. 

Another text pops up under the first - want to talk about it? 

Not with you, you think sourly. 

Your real response is nicer. You send back, not really. i’m okay. thanks for checking in.

Your phone rings. You growl, loud and frustrated, then fix your tone. 

“Hey Nayoung,” you say, trying to sound like you don’t want to throw your phone across the room. 

“Hi,” she says, her voice sweet in your ear. You feel bad for being so prickly. “Are you sure you’re okay? It sucks more than normal to lose a boyfriend to an ex. There’s like… I don’t know, an extra hit to your pride in it. I know, I’ve been there.”

You wonder how many boyfriends and heartbreaks Nayoung had after moving out that you didn’t know anything about. 

You wonder what it would have felt like to have a big sister back when you were a teenager navigating your first heartbreaks, having boy problems. But you’re trying to move on from that kind of thought, trying to let go of your anger for decisions decades old, so you let the thought float along instead of clinging to it.

“I’m really fine,” you insist. 

“I just can’t believe it,” she says, and you can picture her shaking her head, hair swinging with the motion. “He seemed head over heels with you. I thought he was crazy about you. And I was only around him for a few days.”

“Yeah,” you say quietly. “Yeah, I was… I was wrong, too. But I’ll be fine. It’s not my first rodeo, you know? I’ll be fine.”

Nayoung is quiet for a minute. “Maybe he’ll come to his senses? Would you even entertain him if he did?”

“I don’t think so,” you say. “He and his ex have been on and off the whole time I’ve known them. I shouldn’t have… I should have known the pull she has on him would… I don’t know. Win. I don’t know if he’ll ever really be able to separate himself from her, you know?”

Maybe your relationship had been a lie, but every word you say now is true.

Nayoung groans dramatically. “That’s horrible,” she laments. “I’m so sorry.”

“Sucks for them, too,” you say, rolling and looking at your ceiling. This is the longest conversation you’ve had with your sister since before you wore a bra. 

She lets out a single disbelieving laugh. “Wow. I would not be so empathetic if it was me.”

“I’ve been around them a long time,” you explain. “Since college. I’ve seen him go through it with her over and over again. Sometimes I just want to yank him off the ride. I thought I had, for a while. But I guess not.”

She sighs. “Maybe there’s hope for him,” she says. “I was… when I was young, I was definitely the toxic ex for more than one guy.”

“You?” you say, surprised. “Toxic?”

She lets out a long breath. “Yeah,” she says, a bit guiltily. “I’m not proud of it. When I first moved out? You and Soonie were so young, you might not remember - it was bad in the house. Mom and Dad fighting was like… a black hole. Nothing else mattered - nothing else could exist except their fighting. I took a lot of my anger into my next few relationships. And then, even when I wasn’t as angry anymore… that was my example of love, right? I picked men who were bone-heads like Dad, and I treated them like… well, like Mom treated Dad.”

You’re stunned into silence. It’s a lot to process.

“Sorry,” she laughs. “Was that too much?”

“No,” you say. “No, not at all. I just… never saw that side of you. It’s hard to picture.”

“I know,” she says, a bit sadly. Then, she seems to steel herself. “I had to learn to do better. Therapy helped.”

Nayoung went to therapy? News to you.

When you hang up after chatting a little more, you sit on the edge of your bed, just thinking. You hadn’t really thought about how things had been for Nayoung before she’d left. You’d only thought about what she left behind.

The thoughts feel heavy. You’re too tired for them. You open social media instead, tapping when you see a message in the corner. 

Your whole body goes ice cold when you see the name next to the picture.

@princess_ji: hey girl. i want to clear smth up if thats ok?

“Oh, shit,” you mutter, standing up and pacing in your living room, despite the cloying heat in there. 

You: hey jieun. ofc, whats up?

@princess_ji: cheollie told me that when he went to your sister’s wedding last month you came onto him and you slept together. is that true?

“He told you what?” you bark, your voice echoing across your empty apartment. You stare at it for so long that you stop being able to feel your hands. Blinking, you set your phone down on the coffee table.

Be honest with her, you’d told him. You hadn’t meant this honest!

He’d told her you slept together. 

And you came onto him? Technically true… if you omit almost every single thing that happened leading up to it.

Jesus.

You stand up and start pacing, pressing your palms to your heated cheeks. Your stomach knots up, nausea creeping up your throat. You pace the length of your apartment six times before you sit back down again, pressing your forehead to your knees and exhaling slowly.

He must have told her he wants to be with her. He must be trying to do it right, starting with no secrets. 

Seungcheol had been there for you. He had held your hand and defended you to your family and held you when you were low. He’d done everything he’d promised and more. 

And then he’d carried your new air conditioner up two flights of stairs.

You owe him.

You: yes, it’s true. he went to the wedding with me as a favor so i wouldn’t be alone. i was going through some hard stuff that weekend and he was there for me. 

You: i was in a bad place and i let myself make a choice i wouldn’t normally make. that’s all it was.

You exhale slowly again, almost dizzy with anxiety as you see her start to type.

@princess_ji: okay… so like… what about now? do you still want him???

You can’t even blame her for wanting to know what she’s walking into. You’d want to know, too, if you were in her position.

You owe him. It’s with this in mind that you send your final reply.

You: it doesn’t matter. he doesn’t want me. he only wants you. the whole time i’ve known him he’s only wanted you.

There, you think, as you turn your phone off completely, sliding it away on the table so you can’t reach it. Now we’re even. 

September

Another Friday night finds you surrounded by your brother’s friends in his dimly-lit living room. It is identical to a thousand Friday nights before - the flicker from the tv, the sound of chatter and video games, beer fizzy in your mouth, the company shifting slightly week by week depending on who’s around. There’s only one thing different.

Seungcheol brought Jieun. 

Things were tense at first - the room going silent for a nano-second when he walked in with her, before everyone burst into noisy fake-normalcy to cover for it. But an uneasy acceptance seemed to fall over the room when you knocked back a bit of your beer and said, “Hey, guys. Either of you need a drink?”

Now, Seungcheol’s on the couch watching Vernon get absolutely destroyed in whatever team game they have on, Jieun’s legs draped across his lap and his arm around her back. You’re on the floor in your usual place. Chan has seated himself beside you, steadily between you and the couple, like a loyal golden retriever standing between you and something dangerous.

You love him a little, this second baby brother.

You chat with him quietly, trying hard to keep your attention on your conversation and not what’s happening across the room on the couch. You feel a little resigned, which is a step closer to acceptance, so you’ll take it. You’re starting to come to terms with the fact that this is just going to be how it is - you’ll move on from Seungcheol bit by bit, but for a while it’s going to continue to sting a bit when he’s in front of you like this. It’s going to be a long time before his presence doesn’t stir up everything you’re walking away from - the affection, the attraction, the sameness. When he’s in the room with you, you’re always going to feel the rush of how much you like him. 

It’ll be easier when you’re not around each other as much. 

And, with time, the rest will get easier, too. 

When Soonyoung calls you from the kitchen to help carry snacks, you rise quickly, happy to be in a separate space even if just for a minute. 

You grab a bowl of chips and a plate of veggies and dip and make your way back into the living room, heading to the coffee table to set down the dishes. As you draw closer to the couch, Jieun leans up, wrapping her arms around Seungcheol’s neck to pull herself closer to his ear. 

“How long do you want to hang out here?” she whispers. “Back to your place soon?”

She releases him, smiling mischievously as he turns to look at her. You set down the food and head back to Chan, so you miss his reply, which is too quiet to catch, muttered low only for her to hear. 

It must not be the answer she wants, because when you glance back at them after settling on the floor near Chan again she’s taken her legs off of his, her arms crossed and her mouth downturned. 

Seungcheol’s jaw tics. He shifts sideways so they aren’t even touching, but then his gaze inexplicably lands on you.

You hold his gaze. It feels like you’re having a conversation, eyes locked and neither of you speaking. You tilt your head just slightly. 

Do better. 

Don’t play the game.

His slides his eyes closed, lets out a slow breath, his chest deflating as the air leaves him. When he opens his eyes again, they don’t look at you. He reaches over to Jieun, gives her thigh a quick squeeze, and murmurs something to her.

You watch her soften, watch her frown slip away. 

You flop backwards on the carpet, so that you can’t look at them even if you’re tempted to. It’s not much longer that they rise, both of them apologizing for dipping out early.

“Don’t be sorry,” you say, giving them a smile as genuine as you can. “The guys don’t realize how boring it can be to sit and watch them play video games.”

“Hey!” your brother objects. “No one’s making you hang out with us!”

Jieun sends you a grateful smile, though. “Exactly,” she says. “I like to hang out with your friends, Cheollie, but I can only watch so many rounds of -” She mimics a machine gun with her hands, complete with sound effects.

Seungcheol scrunches his face at her in adorable, teasing protest and whisks her out the door. 

You flop backwards, suddenly exhausted - from masking, from trying to push through the awkwardness, from being “on”.

“Was that as awful as I thought it was?” you ask the ceiling.

“Yes,” Soonyoung says seriously, as the rest of the room assures you that it was not. 

“It’ll get easier,” he promises. 

Whatever guidance you’d given Seungcheol clearly doesn’t last. When you join Soonyoung and Chan (and whoever else they’ve roped in on this particular Friday) at a dive bar halfway between your places, it’s clear that things have gone sour. 

He gets there late, storming in and slamming himself onto the empty barstool to Mingyu’s left, ordering something that sounds like it’ll burn the whole way down.

“Rough day?” Mingyu asks, one brow arched. 

“Fucking over it,” he mutters, which is somehow both an answer and not an answer. 

He’s too many seats away from you to really carry a conversation with each other, so you turn your back to him and Mingyu. You instead chat with your brother and Chan and occasionally Wonwoo, who’s on Chan’s other side. But you can hear, behind you, the low timbre of Seungcheol’s voice, snapping and dark and so unlike the version of him you’ve known. You can hear and feel the force with which he slaps down his glass each time it’s empty, can feel Mingyu’s back stiffen bit by bit as Seungcheol’s temper gets hotter and hotter.

“I need some air, hyung,” Mingyu says finally. “You want to come with?”

Seungcheol declines, but Dumb and Dumber get up from next to you and follow him, elbowing each other (for no purpose except to annoy) as they go.

Which leaves you alone with Seungcheol one barstool to your left, and Wonwoo two barstools to your right.

With a side, you swivel left. Seungcheol is already looking at you, his expression still stormy.

“Well,” he says sourly, and then drains the rest of his glass, dropping it heavily to the wooden bar like he had his last few. You wince, expecting it to break, but it doesn’t. “How was your day?”

“Better than yours, I guess,” you observe.

He scoffs, lip curling. “Don’t need to fucking rub it in.”

You shrug. “Just stating the obvious. I’d ask what happened, but I can guess.”

His entire face twists, and for a second you wonder if you’ve poked the bear one time too many. Then, he seems to catch himself, takes a breath. He turns to signal for another drink before he responds, which you’re guessing was a ploy to give himself more time to cool off. 

“Haven’t heard from her since Wednesday. Either her phone’s off or she blocked my number.”

“Did you fight?” you ask, even though it seems like a dumb question. 

He raises and lowers one shoulder. “Not a bad one. Not a never speak to you again kind of fight. Not a don’t talk for three days kind of fight.”

You grimace. “Sorry, buddy.”

He mirrors the face back at you. “Don’t call me buddy.”

“We’re friends, aren’t we?” you ask, fake sweet. 

“You call every guy buddy who’s had his mouth on your pussy?” he sneers.

“Seungcheol!” you gasp, horrified. You glance over your shoulder - Wonwoo is pretending he’s not listening as he nurses his beer, but his ears have gone dark. You whip back around. “What is wrong with you?”

He seems taken aback - maybe at himself. “Sorry,” he mutters, looking at the wood of the bar instead of at you. “I just… didn’t like that.”

“Get over it!” you snap. “I don’t lash out at you or embarrass you in public every time something happens that I don’t like!”

He has the decency to look ashamed. “You’re right. I said I’m sorry. I mean - I am. I’m sorry. Fuck, I need some air.”

He stalks past you - definitely unsteadily - and you lower your forehead onto the bar, groaning with frustration.

“Sorry, Wonwoo,” you mutter, unable to even look at him. He awkwardly pats your shoulder, and then you’re saved by the sound of Dumb and Dumber returning, boisterously arguing about a band they both like.

You’re just starting to lose the heat of embarrassment when a notification pops up on your phone. Your eyes narrow. Seungcheol has tagged you in a photo? That can’t be good. You didn’t take a photo with him today.

Silently, you swipe to open the app. The shot you’re tagged in - along with the rest of the group - is just a blurry shot of everyone’s mostly empty glasses atop of the bar. It’s paired with a selfie he most certainly hadn’t taken here at the bar, but whatever - that’s not the problem.

The problem is you know exactly what move he’s trying to make here.

You release a breath too loudly. Your brother turns to look, alarmed.

“Where are you going?” he asks, baffled, as you grab your shit and stand.

“To fight with Seungcheol, apparently,” you mutter. 

You push your way through the bar, slipping through the door and past the bouncer, scanning the sidewalk for the idiot you know you’ll find here. 

“Hey,” you call when you spot him, leaning against the brick wall, face lit by his cell phone screen. “Untag me in that shit.”

He looks at you, confused. “Why?”

“Because you only did it to make her mad,” you say firmly as you draw closer. “You want her to see that I’m out with you guys and get pissed off or jealous or both. Don’t do that. Don’t use me to play your fucking games with her.”

The silence you’re met with is so stony, you think he’s going to fire back at you. But instead he lets his screen go dark and his arm lowers to his side again, and then he mutters, “Fine. You’re right. Sorry.”

“Tell her sorry,” you grumble.

He scowls at you. “Whose side are you on? She should be apologizing to me.”

You sigh, rolling your eyes a little. “This is getting old, don’t you think?”

“What is?” he asks darkly, a warning in his tone for the first time. You ignore it; he’s pissed you off too many times tonight and you’re done being delicate about all this.

“Me trying to correct the course while you try as hard as you can to steer towards the rocks.”

He pushes himself from the wall, coming to face you completely. A shiver goes through you, despite yourself. You meet his angry gaze just as furiously.

“Why are you trying to steer at all?” he asks, mocking. “You shouldn’t even be on the boat.”

A laugh bursts from you - half from shock and half because he’s right.

“Yeah,” you say, nodding, still smiling despite how fucking angry you are. “I guess it’s just… as your friend… it’s kind of hard to watch it happen. Especially when I know you can do better.”

His expression darkens further, his brows furrowed and his eyes angry slits.

“You know,” he says, his voice low and hard, “I’m getting really tired of your I know everything act, when I’ve spent the last three or four months watching you pretend that if you keep everyone but Soonyoung off your island, nothing will ever hurt you.”

“Excuse me?” you breathe. “I don’t do that.”

He shrugs, all innocence. “Sure seems like it from here. Who else do you let see you when you’re down - your family? Definitely not.”

A dangerous wave of anger washes over you. “That’s pretty fucked up,” you say, voice sounding warped to your own ears, “considering you saw firsthand why I keep distance with my family. I’m not trying to not get hurt, I’m creating boundaries -”

“Creating boundaries that don’t let them close enough to hurt you,” he says, like you’ve proven his point.

“That’s not the same,” you argue. “And who the fuck asked you, anyway?”

He shrugs. “You seem to have a lot of opinions about my life, just thought I’d return the favor… buddy.”

You very nearly launch at him, your hands balling into furious fists, but you’re saved from yourself by Soonyoung jogging up the sidewalk, calling both of your names.

“What’s going on?” he asks, panting. “I came out to see if you were gonna come back in to close your card. Are you guys fighting?”

“No,” you both say, in tandem.

You start to follow Soonyoung back towards the bar. Over your shoulder, to Seungcheol, you shoot, “Untag me. Got it?” Then you head back inside with your brother, leaving your ex fake boyfriend outside, alone.

–

You’re pulled from a dreamless sleep by your phone buzzing on your nightstand. You reach for it without opening your eyes, mumbling a hello, expecting Soonyoung or Chan.

“Come open your door.”

For a long second, you have no idea who’s talking or what the hell they’re talking about. You blink your eyes open, pulling the phone away from your face to peer at the screen.

“Seungcheol?” you manage to ask. “What do you mean open my door? Wait, are you in my building? How did you even get in?”

“I knocked,” he says simply. “Come let me in before your coffee burns all the skin off my hand.”

“Coffee?” You perk up just a fraction.

You can almost hear the playful eye-roll he gives you. “Come on, it’s really hot. They didn’t give me one of the paper-hand-protector things.”

You hang up and shuffle across your room, grabbing a hoodie from the back of your desk chair and pulling it over your head as you make your way to your front door.

Seungcheol clearly hasn’t slept, is probably nursing a hangover - but somehow still looks great. 

“Here,” he says, holding out a to-go cup from a nearby cafe. “I think I got your order right. Careful, it’s hot.”

You take the cup and regard him silently. You have a hunch that he’s here to apologize for fighting with you, and you aren’t sure how you feel - not sure if you’re going to forgive him or pretend to forgive him or maybe even just keep fighting.

“Can I come in?” he asks, a bit sheepishly.

You twist your mouth sideways. “Won’t you get in trouble for that?”

He smiles ruefully. “She can’t yell at me if she isn’t speaking to me.”

“That’s true,” you murmur, and after considering for a moment, you find yourself backing up to let him in.

He stands near your table, looking around with mild interest, the same way he had when he came with your air conditioner. 

“You wanna sit down?” you ask. Then, “You want half of this? I can pour it into mugs.”

“No,” he says quickly. “That’s yours. I want you to have it.”

This solidifies your guess that this is an apology coffee. But he does sit at your table, gingerly, like he’s scared the chair will break beneath him. 

You sit across from him, sipping at the coffee he brought you, and wait. He came with something to say, so you’ll sit and listen.

“I’m sorry about last night,” he says, quietly.

You look at the cup in your hand - it’s easier than looking at him as you say, just as quietly, “Some of it was true.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he says, shifting forward. “Just because it’s true doesn’t mean I had to say it. You’re right - I can’t keep inserting you in my bullshit. It isn’t fair.”

You shrug. “I should stop telling you what to do, too. I’m… inserting myself into the bullshit, I guess. It’s just…” You trail off.

He raises both eyebrows, like he wants you to complete the thought. 

You let out a nearly silent sigh, a breath of defeat. “It is really hard to watch you go ‘round and ‘round with her, after all these years. But… even if it’s hard… it’s not my business. I’ll try to stay out of it.”

He nods. “That’s probably… better for both of us.”

“Well,” you say, a bit of awkwardness settling between you, “we can both make an effort to keep me out of it. I appreciate the apology. I’m sorry, too, if anything I said was out of line.”

This was good communication, you think. If you weren’t trying to stay out of it, you’d say so, tell him that this was how partners should talk after a fight.  

You walk him to the door instead, slowly, something weighing on your mind.

“Seungcheol?” you say, as you get within arms’ reach of the door. “What you said outside, last night… about my island…”

He looks embarrassed, shaking his head immediately to deny the truth of it. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It isn’t true,” you say again - firmly, but much more calmly thank you had outside the bar. “I keep my family out of my day to day life because I prefer that.”

He waves his head slowly, like he’s considering what you’re saying. “Sure,” he says after a second. “So, ask yourself why. Why is it preferable, without them?”

“Because they drive me crazy,” you say. “Because I can’t rely on them to support me. Because they don’t consider my needs, or even feelings.”

“Because they’ve hurt you,” he says gently. “And sometimes they still do.”

You purse your lips, annoyed that his point has checked out. 

“And your friends?” he prods. 

“My friendships are fine.” Your tone has gone defensive again.

“You’ve never brought anyone out with us,” he points out. “I’ve known you since college and I don’t know the name of a single person in your life that isn’t in your brother’s living room every Friday night. Why keep your circle separate?” 

“No room left in Soonyoung’s apartment.”

He says your name like a gentle scolding. “Seriously.”

You blow out a frustrated breath. “I don’t know,” you huff. “My friendships aren’t like that - lay around the living room and bullshit over beer. They’re… get brunch on Sunday morning and maybe get a mani-pedi before going home again. It’s just different. They like different things - a plan, an activity. Soonyoung’s is just… sitting around.”

“Have you ever let them see you when you’re ‘off’? Just lounging? Do you ever talk to them when you’re low? Who did you turn to the last time you had your heart broken?” he asks.

You go quiet. It had been Soonyoung, and Chan just by proxy since you couldn’t avoid him in their kitchen.

“I’m not trying to pick on you. I shouldn’t have said it in the first place. But, you asked, so I’m explaining,” he says, a bit pleadingly. 

Your throat has gone embarrassingly tight and your vision blurs. The answer to his question is, no one.

His arms around you are so unexpected that you jump a little, startled. Then, after less than a second of consideration, you melt into his hold, into the safety between his arms that you’ve missed and craved since your sister’s wedding ended.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers against your head. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

You let yourself hold him back, your arms loose around his middle. You don’t know where the line is - is this a friends hug, is it okay to lean on him or do you need to hold your tension yourself? 

In the end, you hover somewhere in the middle until he releases you, stepping back and looking at you carefully, one hand resting on your shoulder.

“I don’t want to be like that,” you whisper.

He gives you a sad smile. “Then you have to let people in.”

 “I don’t… think I know how,” you admit. Your stomach feels like lead.

He nods, face serious. “Yes you do. You let me in, when you needed me. That’s a start.”

And look what you did with it, you think. You were just more proof that my way is, in fact, keeping me safe.

His hand moves from your shoulder, up to your jaw. You startle again, your gaze jumping to his in alarm, a question on your face.

There’s a question on his, too, and he’s still standing so close.

“You should not kiss me right now,” you whisper, voice raw. Because, fuck, you want him to - or you would if he were here fully unattached. And he is very much not.

But that would be a mistake anyway, because even if he was unattached for now, Jieun would show up again eventually. You’ve made the mistake of thinking he can say no to her for the last time.

It doesn’t matter anyway. Right now, he’s with her, whether she’s currently speaking to him or not.

“You’re right,” he says, his own voice rough. His hand is gone from your cheek, but you don’t remember him removing it. “You’re right. Sorry. That was… that would have been a mistake.”

“It was a very good apology until that,” you tell him, reaching for the doorknob. “We’ll pretend it didn’t happen.”

“I’d appreciate that,” he admits, stepping into your hallway. Over his shoulder, he adds, “Thanks. For talking to me.”

“Thanks for talking to me,” you return, and then you watch him go.

–

When your sister calls a few nights later, you don’t feel the spike of frustration or anger you had the last few times. You’d almost been expecting it - at some point.

When she asks what’s new with you, you start to say nothing - just like always - but Seungcheol’s words are still swimming in circles in your head. Nayoung is trying. Maybe you could try, too.

So, you admit, “Kind of had a weird fight with Seungcheol the other night. I dunno.”

Her surprise is clear in her tone. “You talked to him?”

“Oh,” you say, realizing how little your sister knows about your day-to-day happenings. Of course she wouldn’t know that Seungcheol is at your brother’s essentially every weekend, just like you. “Well, yeah. He’s one of Soonyoung’s best friends. He’s always around.”

“God, that’s the worst,” she grouses. “How can you be expected to get over someone when they’re always in your face?” The question seems rhetorical because she continues, “What did you fight about?”

“Him and his ex, at first. Well, she’s not his ex… currently. I’m his ex, currently. But, you get it. Just like… watching him act like a tool with her when… he was better with me.” You let out a sound that’s almost a laugh - at your own expense. Because you can hear how stupid you sound. 

Your sister says it more nicely. “You have to let people make their own mistakes, unfortunately,” she says. 

“I know,” you say mournfully. “It just sucks.”

She sighed. “You’re braver than me,” she tells you. “I don’t think I could date again. If anything happens to Jeongwoo, I swear I’ll be single until I die.”

“It’s rough out here,” you agree. 

“Seriously,” she says. “I really only got in deep with Jeongwoo because when we started talking, I had already known him from college. I knew his character already, I knew his reputation. I’m not sure I could just… learn to trust a stranger.”

You go cold with how much this sounds like you.

“Yeah,” you say slowly, not sure you want to unpeel this truth for her, not sure you want to reveal this ugly part of yourself. But maybe this is the best place to do so - with someone who seems to match. Someone who knows how you grew up, learned love from the same fiery wreck that you did. “I… me, too. That’s the second thing we fought about. He kind of threw it in my face that I don’t let… most people in.”

She laughs once, sarcastic and biting. “You can blame Mom for that.”

This shocks you into silence. “I don’t blame Mom,” you say carefully. “I mean, I don’t fully blame anyone - every day of my life worked to shape me into who I am, no person is responsible. But between Mom and Dad… I wouldn’t say it’s Mom’s fault that I don’t like… sharing myself with others.”

The words come from you unsteadily, like a newborn colt, wobbly and unbalanced. You’ve never articulated this before, never even really thought about it. But you don’t blame your mother - for all of her flaws - for your fear of vulnerability with others. She hadn’t left you behind.

That had been Nayoung - Nayoung, and your dad.

Nayoung makes a sound that seems like the vocal representation of a shrug. “I don’t remember Mom ever feeling like someone I could talk to when I had problems, or when I was upset,” she observes. 

“Maybe,” you say, because, true, your mother hadn’t really been soft and comforting. But - “But at least she was there.”

And there it is. 

Unlike Dad. Unlike you.

You don’t say it, but you think she probably hears it anyway. Nayoung doesn’t respond for so long that you check to see if you got disconnected.

“We’re all a mess, huh?” she muses finally. “All four of us. How’d Soonie end up so normal?”

“Everyone babied him,” you supply, and she laughs, the potential moment of depth successfully swerved - as expected for you, and apparently from your sister, too. 

Still. When you hang up a little later, you feel somehow lighter. Like you understand her better - and maybe you let her understand you better, too. You’d let her in a little bit - just an inch - but it wasn’t nothing.

It almost feels kind of nice.

<- Prev || Next ->

The final chapter will go up next Friday!! Thank you for reading!!

[forgingtheblade]

love ur work btw, can i suggest something relating to technoblade's great potato war with im_a_squid_kid? because its the first thing that interested me as technoblade, if you don't mind...

I do actually have an idea for this! It was something I wanted to include but ran out of time, but I may still add it later down the line. I’m gonna do a plaque on the inside of the crown that’s the inscription of the Sun Tzu quote on the Potato Crown item from the end of the series!

I was considering having one of my friends do calligraphy of it in mandarin and then etching it in foam, and I just ran out of the time to actually make it. But it is in the plans!

[thewriteone]

High Water

a/n: Sort of a part two to Hell. You don't have to read that to understand this.

Another piece of fanfiction for The Lonely Shore (@thelonelyshore-if). Please go check out the demo if you haven't already, it's amazing. You won't know what's going on in this fic if you don't, since it's. Y'know. Based on that.

This is the point where I move on from speculating about canon events and swerve into the unholy amalgamation of personal headcanon and whatever I make up because I think it makes for a good story. Kind of like an unsteady house of cards built on the table of canon. Or an AU.

Written from Willow's perspective. MC is not named, but is genderqueer (she/he/they pronouns). Who doesn't love a family reunion!

Word count: 1109

cw: cussing

---------------------------

It took an entire month of waiting before Willow could perform the ritual again. They hated it. Every minute, every second they were forced to spend waiting for the full moon to rise again was agony. It was then that they decided any magic that depended on moon phases was stupid, actually, and there should be an easier method to get what they want. …it was still kinda cool, though.

There was only one person in the world that Willow was willing to go through this for, and she was damn lucky for it. Their one and only older sibling, the person they were always reaching toward. The flame to Willow's moth. Oh, and how it burned each time they wondered if he loved them even half as much. They shook those thoughts from their head. Now was not the time.

Clouds rumbled overhead. It was a lucky break that a storm was brewing on the night of the full moon. Just like last time. They couldn't be sure what part of the interrupted ritual had led to their sibling being whisked away, so it was important to match every detail possible. As soon as the clock ticked over, they began.

-------------------------

Willow finally managed to drag themself ashore, dripping with unhappiness and lake water. The only thing keeping their mood from souring completely was the fact that it had worked. This was not their lake. Willow took a moment to wring out their clothing—based on what they knew about this side of the lake, the chances of their sibling disappearing on them was slim to none—before marching in the direction they were sure led to town.

Thankfully, they didn't have to go very far. While the fog obscuring their path wasn't thick, it still would've hindered them. They stopped in their tracks as a truck frantically pulled to a stop nearby, watching as who else but their beloved sibling burst forth from the passenger door. They scooped Willow up in a tight embrace.

"Oh my god, Willow, what are you doing here? How did you get here? Are you alright?" Willow relaxed in their sibling's arms, squeezing her back with the same fervor, and they couldn't help but laugh at her rapid-fire questions. Him worrying over them felt…reassuring.

"I should be asking you that! You've been missing for a month, you know." They pulled away and swatted Willow's shoulder.

"And just whose fault is that? This is the shit that happens when you go around doing wild and crazy magic without telling people!" Willow frowned briefly at her statement before smoothing their expression and shrugging. His tone had been light, but the note of accusation still stung.

"Technically yours for interrupting the ritual. And telling you wouldn't've helped. It's not like you would've believed me anyway." Their gaze drifted back to the vehicle now parked nearby, noticing their sibling did not arrive alone. A black woman with long braids and a gangly man with rectangular glasses stood next to the vehicle watching the family reunion happening before their eyes. The woman tried not to stare, glancing over at her companion from time to time, but the man scrutinized Willow with a piercing, near-black gaze. Like someone studying a bug under a microscope. They shuddered. Something about this guy was definitely off. They turned their focus back to their sibling.

"How is it my fault when I didn't even know what was going on? You could've at least told me something."

"Oh, yeah, because that would have gone over well! 'Don't worry, I'm just performing a magic ritual I've been researching. I know it will look concerning, but I promise I've got things handled.'"

"It would've been better than what actually happened! I had to watch my little sibling casually go for a stroll on the lake, before popping in for a dip. During a storm! Of course I jumped in!"

"You should've just trusted me! I'm not a helpless child! I knew what I was doing!"

"As entertaining as this has been, I don't think this is the best time or place for this argument," the man from earlier spoke up. His gaze was firmly set on the angry, dark rain clouds gathered overhead.

"Ravi's right. We should head back," the woman added in her two cents. Her voice softened as she spoke again. "I know your emotions are running high considering it's been a month since you last saw one another, but maybe it's best to revisit this conversation at a later time and with a clearer head." Willow glared at her. How dare this stranger act like she knew what was best for the two of them. Their sibling, however, felt differently.

"Jay's right," they started after taking a deep breath, running hand through their hair. "There's no use in arguing about this right now. Let's talk about this later, once we've calmed down." Willow deflated. They might be upset with her right now, but they still trusted her judgement. The two of them would just have to discuss it later. They huffed as their sibling introduced Ravi and Jay, greeting them mechanically. There was something about Ravi they really didn't like, his hand cold as they shook it. Jay seemed fine. Their sibling liked her, at least.

Out of all the things Willow had expected, an argument was not one of them. Feeling frustratingly like a scolded child, they buckled their seat belt and considered how best to reconcile while still getting him to see their perspective. They would fix it. They always have. Willow just had their work cut out for them, that's all.

-----------------------------

Bonus: Alternate Ending

"How is it my fault when I didn't even know what was going on? You could've at least—y'know what, that doesn't matter right now. Willow, you knew about this place, at least more than I did. Why the fuck did you come here?"

"What, I can't be worried about my one and only big sibling?" Willow scoffed, watching as their sibling's expression softened.

"You're as reckless as always." He shook his head at them fondly. "Now we're both stuck here."

"For now." Confidence rolled off of them, almost as semi-tangible as the fog that was present. "And at least we're together."

Their sibling wrapped them in another hug, less frantic but no less loving than the last.

"C'mon," They said, pulling away to lead Willow toward the truck. "Let me introduce you to a few of my friends." Willow politely greeted her friends, and though they definitely didn't trust Ravi, they felt light. Here in this moment, with their sibling by their side, all was right once more.

[demonicsuffrage]

Batman regularly conducts performance evaluations/reviews for all the justice league members on an annual basis

Someone in the league, probably Hal or Barry, brings up how unfair it is that none of the robins have to go through it, when it's the most daunting thing ever. So now, the batkids have to go through mandatory performance reviews too

Bruce: The audit team says the budget this time was way higher than the last?

Tim, who's laundering an entire batmobile: We just needed extra snacks to feed the bats in the cave

Bruce: They suddenly needed more food?

Tim: Actually the previous bats all adopted new baby bats. Cause they're all like you, you know?

Bruce, trying not to cry: okay

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: The record says you broke the 'no gun rule' fifty times in the past month.

Jason: Damn just fifty?

Bruce: That's not acceptable

Jason: What are you gonna do, fire me? Your poor posthumous son?

Bruce:

Jason: That's what I thought, see you at dinner

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: In the medical record, all your injuries are listed as 'nunya'. Care to elaborate?

Dick, hitting a pose: Nunya business

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: How would you rate yourself and your performance on a scale of 1-5?

Cass, trying to sound professional: 4.8

Bruce, concerned: Why did you deduct the 0.2? Self-esteem is important. You're getting a five, review over

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: What would you like to say about your repeated-

Duke: I'm severely understaffed, you know? As in, i literally work my shift alone, so

Bruce: Fair enough, I apologize, you may leave

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: In your own words, please explain why we should keep you around for another year

Damian, having to deal with this right after a long patrol: I'm your blood son. Would you fire me? Firing Richard as Robin wasn't enough?

Bruce:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: What would you say your biggest flaws have been, while working this year?

Steph, experienced in these cause of her service jobs: I cared too much. And I worked too hard.

Bruce:

Steph: Can't forget I'm also too good at my job.

[nonepizzawithleftfanfic]

I've been meaning to research what kind of injury Matthew had forever. Also Tom - because what do you mean he was declared medically unfit and it just never came up again. Though the latter isn't very relevant for this AU because Tom isn't around.

Another idea I had was that Sybil would take care of Matthew while he recovers from his injury, and it's what makes her realise she wants to take up nursing again. Which adds to the ever-growing number of things now straining her relationship with her parents.

I can totally see people downstairs reacting pretty viscerally to the traitor thing! dk why, but I'm seeing Moseley as reacting similar to Carson, maybe? He also feels very "king and country" to me. And tbh William too if he's alive.

I'm thinking that some people also might consider the verdict unjustified? Because no one died, no one even got hurt. They "only" did some arson. The judgement was very political, and that might not sit right with everyone. In Canon, they agreed to let Sybil and Tom be because they didn't want to create marytrs. Maybe here, they wanted to make an example out of them. Sybil thinks so, definitely. Maybe Matthew too. He was always the one most sympathatic to Tom. And I feel Daisy would start sharing that opinion once she starts getting more political. Which if William and Daisy are married in this AU...

(Btw, I am imagining William as Matthews valet and Moseley as Isobels butler, because that's my go-to hc for universes where William survives. I just really like his and Matthews reationship lol.)

I love Sybil and Sinéad! Imagine Sybil sharing with Sinéad how it feels like Tom didn't trust her because he didn't tell her about going to the meetings, and Sinéad is like: "Sybil darling, you know I love you. He was trying to shield you from the consequences if they got caught, dummy."

Wait, Blakes baronetcy is in Ireland? Didn't realise that. That definetly opens up plot points. And them hearing they have inherited and basically going "let's get to work" is a really nice picture. I think Downton would be safe by then. They have seen it through the worst already. And it's been long enough that Matthew has come out of the mist and has started pulling his own weight again. So it's not all left to Robert this time, which makes both of the feel more optimistic about Downtons chances xD. They are still going to keep an eye on it from afar though

I like Sybil steering Rose into politics. She was kind of on her way already with her work with thre Russian refugees I think. After Ross breaks of the engagement, Sybil kind of starts directing her anger about that. Like, you know Ross said he wouldnt have let her go if they lived in an even slightly better world? Sybil would maybe be like "You're in pain now, but you can try to work for a world where someone else doesn't have to feel it." I think that's something that would resonate with Rose. And when Sybil gets exaspareted with her tendency to flirt everyone, Rose'd be like "You're a hypocrite, you married Tom." And Sybil would have to explain: "I married Tom because I loved him, not to piss of my mother, there's a difference." Sybil would be the first person Rose told about Atticus, and their most vocal supporter.

AU where instead of Sybill and Matthew, it's Tom and Mary that die.

[licorishh]

no way she's alive ?? yea those mental health breaks because social media makes people suck are wild huh

[radioroxx]

Perhaps some Isabeau being comforted as well?

isa comfort was gonna appear in the og post but i. didnt like the sketch so i scrapped it mb

so heres two to make up for it :)

[gay-ppl-real]

I can never just come on here to do what I came to can I

Just wanted to post a short, 4 page minicomic. The culmination of a couple week's work. Please expand to view properly; I put a lot of detail into these :)

This scene and dialogue were pulled from the Studio Ghibli movie, Ponyo (2008). I've thought for a long time that Ponyo's "There's water coming from your eyes!" seems like a very Wally thing to say (especially if it's the first time he's seen someone cry!) and from there I just made up a scenario where the dialogue from that scene would make sense.

I've been thinking a lot about the Homewarming update (tis the season, y'know?) so Eddie ended up the Mum/Lisa stand in, making Frank the most obvious choice for a Sosuke stand in.

What DID happen to Eddie? Where did he go? I dunno, you tell me your theories! This isn't intended to imply anything/theorise about the Homewarming update or anything like that; just playing around with a fun idea :3

Aaalso while thinking about this I was hit by a Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind AU with Frank. Being a whisperer for giant bugs and having compassion for a recovering ecosystem? Being Nausicaa would be right up his alley! So mebe I'll draw something related to that soon.

[royaltea000]

[wipinf] thinking bout that one part in jttw96 where nezha and hong hai er fight in a dream