#this idea had me up till like 4 am haha

[gin-juice-tonic]

Hey Gin this might be a silly thing to ask, but how did you realize you were trans? Cause ever since I saw your trans Stan and Ford I think I had some sort of relivation, it started with just really enjoying the art you drew to me feeling some sort of envy. Either that I want to dress more masculine or that I actually want to be a man, cause honestly when I look at your trans stans I just feel so much gender envy (jealousy?) And on my last period I had a whole crying fit over it starting, which has never happened before. I just don't know if this is actually what I'm feeling or if it isn't. I've had thoughts of telling my mom and fearing the consequence. This is just all so new and I'm honestly scared. I figured I'd ask you since I look up to you and from what I've seen you are quite wise. I don't really know why I have so much self doubt and constantly flip flop over things. It's frustrating, I just wish I could be certain about something for once. Sorry about this, I'm a mess really.

It’s not silly to ask. My answer is unfortunately a little silly, because I’m a goober. I also typed A LOT so its all going under a read more

So, I was 16 and on tumblr even more than I am now, and I was (still am) friends with a trans woman who reblogged a post that was like “Just trans girl things: eating dark chocolate because it has substances similar to estrogen” and I went “Haha i guess I should stop eating it.” followed by “…why do I feel that way” and THAT was followed by quite the crisis.

Trans men weren’t as well known about back then, so I was like “Well, it means nothing, since only women can be trans”. And then I found out men could be trans too and that pushed my crisis further along. And I started to think. About how I liked when people defaulted to male pronouns for me on the internet, or how when i was a kid I would use a crazy amount of shampoo to make my hair look short and flatten my chest in front of the mirror and look at it. Things like that. And I got upset because “no i can’t be trans that’s impossible”. I would google things like “how do you know if you’re trans”, “quiz to see if you’re trans”, ect.

But the idea of being seen as a man was exciting. It was tantalizingly exciting. And I knew it could be possibility for me someday, and I knew that made a part of me happy and I couldn’t un-know it.

Final straw was a nonbinary person I had been following made a post about how they were going to start taking testosterone. And instead of feeling happy for them I just got mad and started sobbing to myself. Because I was so extremely jealous. So jealousy absolutely has its place in figuring things out.

You should think. Think about attaining the things you’re envious about. Does this make you happy? It’s okay if it’s upsetting or scary at the same time. Change often is. But if it makes you happy, excites you, gives you hope for the future, it’s worth thinking more about.

-

You don’t have to jump into telling your mom right away (and I wouldn’t really recommend it till you’re a little more sure of yourself). You can go at whatever pace you want to. I didn’t tell my mom (or anyone in my real life at all) till I was like, 20. And I’d known for 4 years at that point. You’ve sent me a tumblr message, so I’m assuming you’ve got an account here. I’d say asking your friends on this website to address you as male would be a good way to ease into things. And you can see if you like that or not.

For how you dress, again, you can ease into it. Personally it made me happy to dress in athletic clothing (especially tank tops- to show off my non existent guns), or to dress like a greaser (Though I preferred a black t shirt to a white one), or a golfer. None of those things particularly scream ‘man’ but they were man enough to me. You can find things man enough for you. If you want to try out a binder and think you can get one without anyone noticing, my first ever one was a Tri-top from Underworks. They’re like $30 or so. I was able to get away with buying it because I was a cosplay nerd so I just said it was for that.

If you’re the type of person who owns makeup- you could try to find some time alone just to have an experiment of mimicking drag king makeup, or makeup for cosplayers doing male characters. I did that once early on, and while it looked admittedly goofy, it made me ecstatic at the time.

-

Er sorry for things getting so long. But I just want to say lastly that self doubt is both normal and okay. And thinking far in the future (ie- things like coming out to people or hormones or anything like that) might scare you. But you can take things one step at a time if you want to. Play with just looking at clothes, making outfits on pinterest or whatever, imagining scenarios where people address you as male, thinking of names you might like. See what makes you happy, and expand on the things that do from there.

And regardless of what you discover, in the end you will have learned more about yourself. And that's always a good thing.

[vostok3-ka]

Hello!!! *throws these at you*

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time?

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

HELLO SADIE! Ahh, thank you so much for the questions, fella. Sorry for the late reply, it was Eid yesterday so I was so busy <3 (It was so fun!)

🕯️- I would have to say a solid 4. I do not enjoy reading back my work, I always cringe too hard, but the satisfaction of finding a little bit that is awkward and molding it into a better, much more seamless piece really strikes a chord on the satisfaction machine, and it's real nice. The only reason I gave it this low of a rating is really the inability to re-read my stuff. I wish I could do it without wanting to die in a hole, but alas! I cannot lmao.

🎲- Honestly, just lack of confidence and motivation. I always have a lot of ideas I really want to write about, and a lot of plots and directions I want my stories to take, but I don't have a lot of confidence, and then I just don't- write. I should probably gain a little bit more self-confidence with my writing, and then the words will probably flow well! Another reason is the fact that I do really struggle with getting the words down. I have the pictures in my head, but getting words to form those pictures down on paper (or screen) is incredibly difficult to do in a satisfying manner. I suppose I might be a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to writing in that I want my work to be perfect, which isn't really possible.

🍬- Oh boy I love these questions haha. Here is one that I think is somewhat controversial. I really appreciate the fact that in the panels of the show, they didn't change his name to The White Wolf. It sorta of, to me, shows that as much as he might not like it, he still was and till now is the Winter Soldier. Some people say that it isn't fair that Sam got his arc as Captain America and Bucky didn't get his transformation into the White Wolf, but I just- I don't know, I like the idea of him reclaiming the title Winter Soldier. He might try to run from it, or to hide his past, but in the end people still recognize him as the Winter Soldier, and people recognize Sam as the new Captain America. The show didn't show any parts of the White Wolf, and still showed how Bucky falls into his fighting stance easily and with grace. It shows the characters using the Winter Soldier title to advance in their mission, and it shows the fact that being the Winter Soldier is still a major playing factor in Bucky's life, whether it's the past coming back to haunt him, or the fact that he is still seen as a criminal (he IS a criminal that boy broke a terrorist out of prison and missed court mandated therapy LMAO). Idk, I just quite like it. I like the idea of Bucky realizing that he cannot escape his past, and that he can, even though he is the "former" Winter Soldier, he can still be good. Sort of like Natasha not giving up the title Black Widow even though she defected from the Red Room. Yeah. And I think that might be quite unpopular to some!

🔪- Oh one of the weirdest things I have had to research is veterinary medication and psychiatric treatments in the 1980s Soviet Union. I am still in the process of researching this for a current fic I am working on, but yeah. It's super absurd to me. It's such an odd topic, and it is incredibly difficult to find English source material, so I keep having to grind through texts with my A2 Russian and Google Translate haha. It's super interesting though, and in the process of this, I have fallen down several rabbit-holes including the common Soviet village house, Caucasian last name meanings and frequencies, and, my favourite, 80s Soviet music!

Thank you bunches for the ask, I had a lovely time thinking up the answers and writing them down!!! I hope you are having a lovely day/night!

[stevethehairington]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

ty to the lovely @thefreakandthehair and @hexiewrites for the tags!! this looks like a fun one!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 117 so far and still counting!!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 662,484!

3. What fandoms do you write for? currently stranger things and i've been toying around with the idea of jumping back into writing for good omens! just gotta get the worms to worm, yknow?

but i have also historically written for: skam; marvel; love simon/simon vs; it; shameless; supernatural; (and once for hp and once for trust but i will likely not ever write for either of those again sooo how much do they really count? lol)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. good for my boy (steddie) 2. can't hide the way you make us glow (steddie) 3. i want to hold your hand (steddie) 4. sloe gin fizzy, do it till you're dizzy (steddie) 5. the world will follow after (steddie)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? YES!!! i DO!!! i am INCREDIBLY behind on replying to comments, i got busy and didn't have the chance to reply to any and then they started to pile up and now there is an overwhelming amount in my inbox (currently around 450 sdkljfds) so i just gotta. carve out some time to start tackling all of them. but i am firmly of the belief that if you took the time to leave me a comment i will take the time to respond!! it... just might be a hot minute before that response comes... but it will!! that is a guarantee!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? haha if you know me you know that writing angst is not something i do all that often. i am a Certified Soft Bitch, and when i do write angst i always try to end it on a happy note because my blorbos deserve that happiness. but i suppose there are a few fics i've written that have... less than happy, perhaps more ambiguous endings. i think there are probably two that i can think of that could potentially fit the bill here...

keep me on a rope, which is my unrequited stommy fic. it IS a happy ending for steddie, but certainly not for tommy lol, so i suppose that counts!

and then i'll throw in beneath the stars too, which is the very first good omens fic i ever wrote (directly inspired by samson by regina spektor!) in which in the early days of their acquaintanceship, aziraphale shows crowley kindness, crowley makes a move and kisses aziraphale, and aziraphale pushes him away and is vehement about the fact that they can't. though, this one kind of ends with aziraphale having an italicize ohment (literally), sooo i guess it's not all that angsty of an ending?

if we wanna bring tumblr drabbles into the mix tho... i definitely have some angsty ones that do not end happily...

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? happiest ending!!! oh boy!!! try, like, every fic i've ever written basically?? dakljfsd as previously established, i am a Certified Soft Bitch, so pretty much all of my fics end with my blorbos happily in love and living/on their way to living their best lives. i really don't know if i can pick one that is the "happiest". i suppose if i absolutely had to pick, i'd maybe say let me know your future plans, which i wrote for the stucky big bang way back when. it's PURE romcom and it ends in a happy wedding so!!

8. Do you get hate on fics? i have not! which, considering how many fandoms i've written for and how crazy some of those fandoms can get, i am INCREDIBLY grateful for. i've got good egg readers and i am very very thankful for it. i think the worst comment i've ever gotten on a fic was one where someone like criticized robin in my fic and called her a bad friend, but that was because they THOROUGHLY misinterpreted her actions in the fic and like seriously misunderstood that she wasn't actually genuinely being an asshole. but yeah, i wouldn't really classify that as hate, that was just lacking reading comprehension lol.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? i do! i feel like it's been a hot minute since i have published any lol, but, historically, i have! and i certainly will (eventually) write and publish more! as for "what kind", gay. i write gay porn. dskljfs. all of the smut i have ever written has been gay and very likely all of it ever will be lksjfs. i also don't think my smut writing ever gets, like, super wild or anything. i'm fully one of those people that likes my smut to be very feelings heavy and like there's gotta be that emotional connection, that seals the DEAL for me, so yeah i tend to write it that way too. fun fact though, the first fic of mine that ever hit 1k kudos was a smut fic! lmao.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? nope! i am very much NOT a crossover fan. don't like to read 'em, don't like to write 'em. i just think there's too much going on in them and i don't like to mix and match my fandoms.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that i'm aware of! and hopefully it never will happen either!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? honestly? i cannot remember. sdkfjlsd i feel like i maybe had a request to translate a fic a looooong time ago, but i genuinely do not remember.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? none that have ever been posted! i've started co-writing fics before, but those have never been finished rip. i would really love to actually co-write something and finish it eventually though!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? ohhhhhhhhhhh MAN. that's a TOUGH question. i've loved so many ships over the years, and they've all been incredibly dear to me. obviously, my favorite at any given time is going to be whatever is my current favorite, whatever is actively snagging my attention and digging it's claws into me (so atm, steddie or ineffable husbands). BUT. since we are talking favorite of all time... i think i gotta go with stucky here. there is just something SO beautiful about that one and there is SO much to work with there, the possibilities are truly endless.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? well i've got a MILLION wips i want to finish in my wips folder that will likely never get touched again skljgfsg but. oh man. i think i gotta say if you love me, if you hate me, which breaks my hEART to say. but skfljdf it's been five years since i posted it and i STILL have not ever gone back to finish it, despite desperately wanting to (because gOD DAMMIT IT HAUNTS ME, IT FUCKING H A U N T S ME!!! THAT IS THE ONLY FIC I'VE E V E R POSTED THAT I HAVE LEFT UNFINISHED AND I HATE THAT SO MUCH!!! I WANT IT TO BE COMPLETE!!!). i always say that i would love to go back and finish it one day, and that sentiment still stands!!! i really would!!! but man, i havent thought about skam in a writing-sense in, obviously, years. and i truly don't know if i ever will be able to get back in that mindset. like i always say though, never say never...

16. What are your writing strengths? writing strengths ooh hmm... well. i personally spend a lot of time on making sure i get my characterizations right when i'm writing any character - that is one of thee most important parts of fic writing to me, because a poorly characterized character is one of the QUICKEST ways to take me out of a fic. so i take that shit seriously. and i like to think that i understand the characters well enough that i am successful in this, that i do do a good job of it, that you can read any one of my fics and go YEAH he WOULD say that. i've gotten compliments about my characterizations on lots of my fics before too (which is genuinely the highest compliment to receive, it makes me so happy to hear), so i like to think that my judgement of my own skill here is not wildly off base lol.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? hmmmm. well, i tend to get super in my head about everything when i've been staring at a doc for too long. i start to like,,, forget how to write well lol. i feel like when that happens i start to like get repetitive and super basic in my writing, which is, obviously, not what i want lol. also, endings. i have so much trouble writing endings. also i struggle SO HARD with just like. writing a random scene that doesn't have like. all this buildup and background. like i cannot for the life of me just start writing in the middle of a scene adflskd. i have to have some sort of setup, which makes it very difficult when i cannot figure out what that setup should be lol.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? don't really have many thoughts on it tbh. i don't do it. mostly because i don't really include any other languages in my fics lol. but i suppose if i ever did and it wasn't like a well known phrase or something that the fandom would know without a translation, then i'd definitely include a translation somewhere. there is nothing i dislike more than when a fic throws in a significant amount of another language (aka not just one or two tiny phrases here andnthere) and doesn't include a translation. like i'm not out here trying to switch between tabs just so i can understand your fic. so yeah if i ever did include other languages, i would definitely be sure to include translations too.

19. First fandom you wrote for? first fandom i wrote for and published my written work for was skam!!! skam my beloved, you will always be special to me. i diiiiid dabble in fic writing before skam, but none of that was ever finished or posted and it never will be and i will not be saying what fandom it was for skfljgdfg (if you know me though you probably know the answer sdfkjsd). but yeah!! skam was baby's first fic writing fandom!!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? omgggg this is like asking someone to pick their favorite child... i CANT skdjfsl. can i cheat and list a couple favorites? sdkfjdsf. im gonna cheat and list a couple favorites. OKAY. so some of my favorites i've written include:

let me know your future plans - my fic for the 2018 stucky au big bang! this is the first bang i ever did, and it is the longest fic i have ever written! i'm honestly incredibly proud of myself for having done it; bangs are hard sldslkfs. writing a fic over that long of a time period and sticking with it until the end is hard, but i did it! i stuck with it and i finished it and wrote the whole thing i wanted to write and honestly it was one of the most rewarding experiences of my writing career. also, i fucking love a good romcom and that fic is pure romcom so. yEAH.

good for my boy - my wayne pov steddie fic! i'm ALSO super proud of this one because writing from wayne's pov was something so different for me and it was a challenge to make sure i got the balance of getting his voice right without crossing the line and making it sound like a caricature of him, and i think i did a pretty good job of getting him right!

under my umbrella - another steddie fic! this one was just something that came to me totally randomly and i just remember how easily the whole thing spilled out. it was SO incredibly fun to write and it combines some of my favorite things (steddie and RAIN kafjsd) and i just love this one a lot.

keep me on a rope - my unrequited stommy, steddie fic!! i LOVE L O V E LOVE writing tommy pov, and i LOVE L O V E LOVE writing tommy lore and this fic let me do both and it was just SO fun to write and to explore that fucked up little guy and i'm so so pleased with how it turned out. and also the response it got? THRILLING. having people tell me that me and my fic got them thinking about tommy as more than just some random side character that shows up in a couple episodes and disappears and that it got them appreciating that character? THEE BEST!!!! LITERALLY!!! spreading the tommy agenda to as many people as i can is my goal in life and this fic FULLY helped me open some eyes sdkfljsd.

imagine being loved by me - you know WHAT im gonna add this one to the list too because i think it is the best smut i have ever written. this was my first and only (so far anyways) foray into good omens smut lol and i'm actually suuuuper proud of how it turned out. like feels a little weird calling something i wrote hot but,,,,, i kinda went off with how hot it turned out adlkfjdslkf. at least to me it did anyways skjflsd.

that's the end of it now!! so i will tag: @withacapitalp @toburnup @2btheanswertothequestion @flowercrowngods @cheatghost @steddielations @henderdads @harmonictechnicality @sidekick-hero @frankenstein-ate-my-left-shoe @steddieasitgoes @aidaronan @phoeniceae @pizzaqueen @fastcardotmp3 @wynnyfryd @maxineholtzmann @maxinemaxmayfield and anyone else that wants to do it!! (also if you've already been tagged feel free to ignore! i did not look at anyone else's tag list before doing mine lol)

[lipglossanon]

my last tumblr got deactivated and i’ve been stalking your AO3 and tumblr on browser till it forces me to log in and i finally got a new account a month ago <333333 so forewarning my sleep schedule is royally fucked like i’m going to sleep at 4 am so i’m typing my asks in my notes then sending them in, you will be getting two to three novellas of asks from me semi regularly i am so sincerely sorry i would try to space them out but i know reading asks everyday is difficult so imma just send them all at once if you don’t mind

my other thoughts for krauser x dark!stepdad leon x reader… it’s a lot i’m so sorry, i don’t have the attention span to write so you’re getting my unfinished thoughts, anyway, imagine krauser inviting them all over for dinner and leon texts chris to get mom to leave so all the sudden mom has a sudden urge to get bent over chris’s bed work emergency 👀 and tells them to stay and finish dinner so they do, respectfully, and it just turns into reader riding krauser while leon watches and films it but doesn’t join in just takes her home after and shows her he bought her (your original idea for the gift he got her) an o-ring gag and really breaks it in and just goes to town man like looses her voice and can’t talk the next day level sucking and fucking ALSO i sent the leon cutting his name into readers thigh ask 🫣 and biiiiiiitch (nicely, we love you <3) imagine him making her wear shorts/skirt around the house with “daddy’s slut” carved on the back of her legs while her moms home so she has to try and hide it from her even him letting her wear pants and grabbing her thighs to make them bleed 🥴 or getting her a collar with that phrase on it and take pictures of her getting fucked by krauser, can you tell this has been an obsession of mine? 🤭

- 💀 (pls don’t prioritize my emoji asks i’m sending fucking novellas of thoughts i’ve had lol because you’re one of the only tumblrs i’m active with anymore after getting deactivated and i want you to feel comfortable answering and feel like you have enough energy to answer)

💀 anon!! Hello!! 👋 💜

And I totally don’t mind! Sorry that my asks are closed for now; I miss getting them but I had to do something to make myself focus and chill out haha

But I hope once they open back up you send in all the notes 🥹

AGSJVL

Like I love every word you just wrote! 😭 I just wanna run around my room and bang on the walls 🤪

Oh oh oh 👀

So..

In this ‘universe’ since everyone’s like a dark fucked up counterpart of themselves, Chris is down to take the mom off of Leon’s hands but he’s also eyeing the fun that Krauser is getting up to with you guys 👀 👀

Like maybe one day your mom leaves for some work thing..

And then oh no :( it’s just Leon and Krauser and Chris to keep you company :( 🤭

Just Leon fucking you from behind as he’s yanking you up by the collar so Chris can slide his cock into your mouth through the O ring gag while Krauser waits for his turn 🤤

[tearsoftime0086]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

Stealing a neat post from @sweepseven and we'll see how far we get haha. I haven't posted all of my stuff to AO3 so I'll kinda be pulling from a few places

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Only 6! And half of them are from July till now lmao (aka the moment I learned about Steve Burnside)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

49,691

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Gosh if I kept consistent fandoms it would make my fandom experience so much more easier :') Started out with Gundam, though haven't really kept up post my move away from FFNet (really want to come back at some point tho). Code Geass and TKoE is my long-running baby. Currently swept up in a Resident Evil fever too (see previous question). I've also written some stuff for League of Legends, Persona 2, and Fire Emblem!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Ravaged Blessings (Fire Emblem: Three Houses, T. Wrote this during the rising peak of FE3H's release. Started out with Blue Lions and whoa nelly I was not prepared for Dimitri's post-timeskip scene.)

Two Kinds of Eternity (Code Geass, M. The behemoth. I had this idea in my head for ages and once I joined AO3 in 2018, decided to finally give it a shot. It's been five years and we're only halfway there, but I'm glad folks have hopped on and off for the ride)

An Eternal Warpath For You And Me (Resident Evil, M. Most recent fic of mine that I'm thankful has gotten a lot of kind reception! Aka Chreon + me fitting Steve into the Resident Evil-verse as best I can haha)

Shuriman Nights (League of Legends, T. Bit of a kudos drop from this point forward, but I love all my works the same, so :) I will never be over Nasus and Renekton's lore.)

Once (That Was Enough) (Resident Evil, M. EVERYTIME I WATCH THE DARKSIDE CHRONICLES CUTSCENES I HAVE TO COME BACK AND RE-READ THIS ONE. The genesis of my sprawling RE AU)

With 6 fics, that leaves We'll Always Have Casablanca out of the standings! Turns out that fic was the first anyone used the Leon & Steve tag. Pure self-indulgence so I understand why it's the lowest haha

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to answer all of them! I have moments in life when I feel way too anxious about what to write back (like am I clogging up my own comments section? will they think it's weird if I write more than their initial comment?), but I work really hard to recognize the people who leave nice notes on my fics.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm a sucker for happy endings (everything else in the story is fair game tho) so I hardly ever end something too angsty... I guess Shuriman Nights for its implications?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Once (That Was Enough). Capcom, I reject your reality and substitute my own.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I had a few small cases, but it's not frequent at all. I try to mind my own business and let folks be ^^

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

As someone who's like 90% sure they're ace/sex-repulsed, I don't. It narrows my scope of reading fanfic too unfortunately - some of the best written works I've seen are rated E, but I have to kinda "hold my breath" while reading them :(

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I never posted it anywhere, but I had a sprawling DCMK/Gundam crossover I shared with a close friend of mine. Still re-read parts of it from time to time. (Silver Bullet Shinichi, anyone?)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge! I write so slowly that they probably wouldn't be able to steal it.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope but it would be a blessing if anyone ever asked!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Again not posted, but I used to do a ton of co-writing with that same close friend mentioned above. Good times.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Ooh this one's a tough one. If I have to choose, it's Kamille Bidan/Fa Yuiry from Zeta Gundam. It's what really started my fanfic journey, and I'll never forget the pure elation I felt watching their beach ending in Gundam ZZ. Wonder how I'd write something for them in the present? It's been so long...

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

If I thought about my deepest fears it would be TKoE, but I refuse. I will finish that fic. For a more realistic answer, I have a lot of mini-scenes for my Claire/Steve RE AU that I want to string into a full fic at some point, but I already have so many things on my plate.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hmm. I like to think that in my writing peaks, I have a good sense of capturing character voices and dialogue. I'm also good at coming up with like, "angsty" one-liners, if that makes sense?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Gosh this one's much easier than the last one. My posting rate is abysmal for starters (sorry to all the TKoE readers). I feel like every other sentence I write is clunky and long. Like on re-reads I can usually shave a few adjectives and words off of every sentence. I get impatient about pacing when I'm actually writing, but my actual writing sessions are few and far between. Tough times man :(

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Different strokes for different folks, but I'm always afraid that a reader will get whiplash if I write in a language that I'm not comfortable with. Like sometimes I'll read fics where they reference Korean and it ruins my focus a bit when I read something that's not grammatically correct/realistic. Nothing to drop a fic over, but I'm not confident enough to write in another language myself.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I don't remember off the top of my head. The first one I posted online was for Zeta Gundam, but also I think I have a small A Separate Peace story from around that time? Lol if I go back to my childhood original works, those stories were essentially Guardians of Ga'Hoole and Bionicle fanfics too.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Once (That Was Enough) takes the cake right now. I remember looking on TVTropes for... Tragic Monster examples I believe?... and found a quick summary of Steve Burnside. Oh dear, that lad has me in his clutches and won't let me go. I had to write a story where he survives, and well... the rest is history. I even have a tag dedicated to the AU the fic spawned! Well, that was a ton of fun! If anyone reads this and wants to do it themselves, feel free to! Hoping to get more stuff out soon :)

[jezmmart]

Chamomile Comic Trivia #28

#146 - Really

This story arc was vaguely inspired by my job experience. I am A manager but not THE manager at my reluctant retail day job, but there's always something stupid happening and I've had to run the place for anywhere between a week to a month or two so many times over the years, so I had a few experiences to draw jokes out of.

#147 - My

Having said that, I feel no ownership or pride of authority, so this one is just fun with characters. In my head, the place that the customer goes to for buying something is just "the till" so I remember it took me a while to come up with, of all things, the words "service counter" - something for Layla to refer to that area by that didn't sound completely unnatural in dialogue.

#148 - Follow

Now this one IS very much based on my own experience going to management meetings and training days. Fleeting moments of inspiration in how to improve things and community with fellow management - followed by immediately getting slammed back down to earth by how hard the ideas would be to implement due to constantly stingy hours and how it's all just about making money in the end.

I remember once pointing out a hypocrisy in a company process during a training meeting. The trainer conceded to my point making sense then came to the conclusion of... "do it like we said anyway". Cool.

The fact that Layla is making notes and paying attention while veteran managers to her left and right doze off was also true to my experience, lmao.

#149 - Help

Very important lore drop here - the addition of the cute little staff only spiral staircase upstairs in the corner of the shop, which was a memorably fun thing to decide "I really want this in Cammie's shop, I'm always fascinated by them when I see them in a shop and ever since I was little always very upset I can't go up and down them" and then realise "right now I have to figure out how to draw that!!". I've checked the blurry backgrounds for the two comics where this corner of the shop was visible before and there wasn't any sign of it, so this is a very light retcon (those blurry backgrounds were very vague anyway though). A rare case of it being more sensible to draw the background in full since it was getting used for all 4 panels, so enjoy some uncensored spiral staircase:

I remember coming up with this joke when a Uni friend was visiting and we were just sort of riffing off each other with work related jokes or something, so this comic takes me back to fond memories of said visit generally!

If you look carefully you can see Layla has already performed her management teleportation spell in panel 3, behind the thief's open jacket.

#150 - Stop

The big 150! Well, it feels like a special number at this stage (250 also feels special, and then after that the 50s don't so much anymore for whatever reason). Either way I decided to do a quadruple lengther!

I haven't always followed this rule but I decided at this time at least, for extra-length comics, I still wanted each "page" to at least vaguely stand-up as a standalone comic too. In that context, the main purpose of going extra length is to keep the pace on a scene which I don't want dragging out across a whole month.

The spot Cammie runs by in this panel is the same one from comic #56, Cammie's footprints permanently a part of this street's history now. I know for sure these two extras in the foreground will show up in a few future comics when I couldn't be bothered to design new ones too.

The "helping the old ladies across the street" part of this chase is one of my favourite comedy scenes I've come up with over the years, I don't remember at all where it came from, I just enjoy it as a reader now, haha! I'm particularly proud his look back and Cammie's responding glare.

On the flipside I wish I could have come up with something a bit more meaningful than just "there is a dead end" to finish the chase but it's not really super important, the seagull joke is the point.

And now for something that hasn't come up in a Trivia post before - significant unused content!

For a short time I was thinking about following the above with a new arc dealing with an actual fallout from the shoplifting incident, with two comics scripted out. It's been years and I've never used or repurposed these so I think it's safe to share them. I reserve the right to still use a variance of these one day if it really feels right for another story though, not everyone reads these trivia posts, haha!

I'll let the scripts speak for themselves first.

Unused #151:

Unused #152:

From here the idea was that Bri and Cammie would have had a falling out for a little while (maybe a couple months worth of comics I was thinking) due to Bri, her dearest and most understanding friend, outright calling her stupid in the heat of her deep concern, sort of an expansion of the little moment where Vi genuinely hurt Cammie's feelings by referring to her "rampant idiocy" back in #59 / #62.

But as the deadline to begin work on the #151 approched I just wasn't coming up with anything I liked to follow that thread through, so in the end it didn't happen and we got... *flips page* a comic about Cammie putting a bucket on her head instead! Good stuff.

I still think canonically, Bri wouldn't have approved of Cammie's chase, but in this case she kept her frustrations to herself!

[Trivia Archive | Browse from most recent]

[sandara-and-coco]

I really enjoy building pokemon teams for my characters. I think it's fun and gives a lot of insight into a character's personality. So I was curious! If you had to choose, What pokemon would be on Sandara's team? (Note: you don't have to pick a full team of 6 if you don't want too<33)

OH this is such a great idea !!! I admit I never played a lot of pokemon games as a dresser but I clearly remember my little self staying up till 4 am under my blanket to play all the pokemon mystery dungeons on my DS x)

I can see Sandara carrying some big monstrous pokemons with her like a Rayquaza and some more mysterious one like Ting-Lu.

She would most likely go toward ground or dragon type but would have a special interrest in spectral and plant/poison type.

And Noctowl is her main partner cuz he reminds me of Coco haha🦉

What about Rosalie ? I would love to meet her team too ♡

[eyuuibin]

Random rants

I want to stay young and accomplish everything I want in a short time. The idea of aging is daunting to me. There are so many fucking regrets....

Anyway, Why do u all want to grow up? That's the biggest scam, you know? Especially if you waste your time proving to others that you are perfect or something as a means of selling your body while men will follow you around, haha, but that's only thing they can do.

"If they find another woman who has a better body, you lose."

Unless, you let them see your bodies they will fight 4 u till end. But not me, I hate men and I fucking hate them forever. Men are toys just like my dildos, which I only needed for my spare time. Look at me! No one dares to talk to me nor touch me; I feel like Medusa and Persophone here. And also Cleopatra, like, hahaha, "no man will ever find me until I die 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️"

📍 Dear, You have to remind yourself not to please their eyes. Try to tell them something harmful or something bad against their will. Let's see if they can still handle you. I bet not.

So, I really hate men and this fkinng society. The only thing they find beautiful in women is their bodies. You fking suck. All my bfs r like that as well my followers b4 , lmao then they constantly denied it like hahahahahaha you can fool women but not me. THAT'S WHY IM HAVING FUN USING PINTE PICS Just like how they call the woman who had numerous injections of gluta, showed her genitals in the soc med, and then had some guts to speak against the men but the reason why she still has money for herself because of her followers which r men. And they called her *PRETTY*

Have they ever searched the meaning of pretty? If I'm not mistaken it says "𝗣𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗔𝗡𝗧-𝗟𝗢𝗢𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗚" so what's pleasant about that woman? her body?  You are joking me. If not so for her body, she's mid. Huh! I knew it the longer I looked at her, the better I saw her appearance. She's below average, dude. Go fuck, go to the bar, and go outside; you will see them everywhere, not on social media. You fuckers are disgusting.

Girls need to remember that no one is perfect, so they will no longer impress men and fuck society. Have fun, kids. This seems hedonistic, but it's a good thing. I just found my fucking inner peace and started to love myself. 🍓🗣️ I felt sgr.t..t, I'beautiful,ul anyeah.y, I am fucking stable. God has blessed me so much.

[moomoomooing]

mild rant? mostly thoughts :)

yk ive just not been a fan of how quickly my mood and possible depression is flipping from eberythings fine and im only a little stressed but its ok! to jesus fuck let me rot (projects and deadlines are suddenly piled up and its overwhelming, but i also feel like this when i have nothing i can do)

i try to keep on a shower schedule cause of my class times (i have night classes half of the days so i shower on my off days) but it means i gotta be nasty for a day on sunday till i shower that night. and i never have the willpower to go to the studio feeling nasty,,, even if it wouldve been great to get work done and satiate the restlessness i get from being in my dorm all day

but i didnt and now im plagued with guilt and more stress/ anxiety yippees

on another note my roommate is really REALLY good at finding ALL of my triggers for anxiety or fight or flight responses. so far they nailed using my mirror/being TOO close to my belongings without asking (they eventually asked and i gave permission out of being nice but i severely dislike it and it makes me hyperaware of everything she does when i hear her close to my dresser). they got my i will tense up and not breathe till its over response to alarm sounds (i hate them theyre incredibly anxiety inducing and i always wake up before my alarm usually out of fear. thankfully now my alarms a last resort/reminder of time if i dont wake up early). and!! they let the door slam (boo loud noises), are constantly on a call they often dont wear earbuds for and talk really loudly half the time, or is on call past 12 am (i feel intrusive and also please i cant sleep if youre on call)

theres also other general icks that are hopefully getting better? im noticing less of smth that i hate that they do (its a not cleaning after yourself type deal) but it could just be coincidence

oh also im trying to apply for jobs (remote part-times or internships) and frankly im scared. the reason it took me so long to get a job in highschool was also straight fear and anxiety lmao

i would love money tho (pssst i have commissions open :D)

OW SHARP RINGING NOISE WHERE DID YOU COME FROM????????? ALL OF THE WHITE NOISE DISSAPEARED AND ITS ONLY THAT

anyways i got another strike of hypersensitive skin??? no idea what causes it but it made the underneath of my forearm feel like i scraped it across concrete. 0/10 i didnt have a pleasant showering experience

oh on a better note being so far removed from my family and the fact we basically never call or text has been quite freeing

its like when i was actually at public highschool and had agency over myself in a way i didnt have when my mom was around (basically her presence was usually STRESS)

on a lesser note i havent been talking with my two other friends (ill call em the trio, them plus me) and its been kinda radio silence from everyone? i havent exactly been great either but my infrequent requests for vcs are usually ignored or not responded too which sucks. it makes me more paranoid than id like to be

our time difference definitely makes it way harder too tho, im ahead by a few hours. ik weve gone months without talking before then picked it right back up, but im always scared during the radio silence anyways

im always scared and curious abt other ppls opinions on me, usually the ppl i consider friends. ik one of my friends likes me? but their friends (the 4 of us will be rooming together next year, theyre also technically my friends but my usually point of contact with them is through my friend) i cant tell how much they like me? its probably my unfamiliarity with them but it makes me nervous for no reason

anyways if you actually read all of this, sorry for taking away your time? i reccomend soft gepard x sampo (hsr) fics to soothe the mind, theyre cute.

also hey haha if youre one of the two friends, literally the nickels, are reading this? erase it from your mind please and thanks

[thedemigodoracle]

thedemigodoracle:

*PLEASE READ (It’s not torture, I swear, I’m a funny person)* 

I would like to point out that not *ALL* questions get answered. And here are some of the motives your question may not be answered:

1. Number one motive is: I’m human and I don’t always have a funny answer for everything right on the spot.

Stay tuned and, maybe, at some point, I’ll have a brilliant idea. I don’t delete questions and I spend most of my one hour bus ride to University every day thinking about ways to be funny and cute with the answers. Please, be patient, I want to give you all some quality replies so I take my time.

2. Sometimes your question is too complicated.

Even though I’m super cool, I’m not Rick Riordan so, sometimes, I’ll get questions like “What will you do when Frank starts dying?” - now, though I can sometimes come up with a funny, speculative answer (like when people ask me whether or not Reyna will kill Piper), sometimes I just can’t provide a good answer without making a huge theory. Same goes for simple questions that need elaborated answers. They take a longer time to reply because I do want to answer some of your awesome questions with my awesome theories of why a character did this or that but I just still haven’t figured out a way of doing it without writing a whole novel instead of drawing a chibi.

3. The question you sent was sent by a thousand other people in way too many different ways:

If that’s the case, I’ll usually use criteria such as good grammar, to the point question, date of the question ( who asked first) and, of course, if the person has appeared here before or not. 

4.You’re being waaaay too flirty in your message:

Ok, so the Greeks and Romans were known for that especial fire they had in their pants - still, nothing justify the amount of “Oh, here’s my question and, by the way, I’d love to profane your Ass-fodel with my Styx any time,babe!”

I mean, you guys, seriously. Nobody likes desperation! If I were to reply to everything Nico, Leo, Percy and the Stolls receive, they’d be living under a rock, sucking their own thumbs and unable to say any word other than “COCO!” every 15 minutes. THE THINGS THEY HAD TO SEE, I TELL YOU!

5. You sent your question to someone who’s not a human Demigod.

The main reason why I chose a “Demigod” Oracle was because drawing younger humans is easier for me so, if I were to open to the whole world of animals and monsters and parents falls on the same rule as everyone else but I won’t reply questions to Tyson because, though he’d follow the same rules for drawing, if I were to open this exception, I’d end up having to include Grover, Juniper, Chiron and a bunch of others, so, hm, sorry but no Tyson.

I love him though, just saying, as much as you all do.

6. Your question was related to my fanfiction universes and not the Riordan books.

I love you for loving my work but I’m not the boss, I can’t turn this into a role-playing blog. Even though I am role-playing as basically one different demigod per day.

7. Your question looked SUSPICIOUSLY like a drawing request:

“Hey, Nico, I wanted to see that picture of you flying a black pony while holding hands with a gorgeous brunette with a dragon tattoo on her shoulder. Remember? She has emerald green eyes and wears a purple dress all the time.”

Does the word “Oracle” stands for “stupid artist slave”? I don’t think so. 

8. You didn’t specify a character or asked a “mass answer” question:

It’s harder to draw answer that requires lots of demigods, I’m not saying I’m against answering these questions but I’ll take longer to reply so expect me to procrastinate ‘till the end of time.

9. You sounded a little rude.

Gladly, this hasn’t happened at all. However, I am very touchy so beware, haha.

10. Your question is about other fandoms.

Right now there are a bunch of questions regarding whether or not the demigods have read the Harry Potter series, The Hunger Games…I want to answer these properly - however, have in mind that though children of Athena read a lot, most demigods are dyslexic and though that doesn’t mean dyslexic people can’t or don’t like to read, it has been pointed out - more than once - that most heroes, due to their attention spam and dyslexia tend to not be very fond of books (Percy being a very good example). 

I want to answer these questions properly but they are tough subject to reply to.

But, if you’re interested, Clarisse disliked The Hunger Games, she thought it lacked on violence. 

And this is it. I know it’s a huge-ass post but please read, I made my best to make it enjoyable and actually funny. I’ll be reblogging this post from time to time so the guidelines can be seen by everyone and, if you need any help don’t hesitate to send questions to me via here or my personal blog, I’ll always reply to those pronto, ok? And, more importantly, even though I sound a little bitchy about my choices to answer, NEVER fear sending in your question, I’m not a judge, I love receiving even the bizarrely accurate descriptions of what you’d like to do to Leo on a forge, seriously. Every question is valuable and don’t be afraid to be creative. The most bizarre questions are the best to work with.

Love,

The Demigod Oracle. 

STILL RELEVANT

WHY HASN'T MY QUESTION BEEN POSTED YET?

[zukkatrash]

atla pirate au

(soley based on me misreading a diff post and now wanting to see mai in a keira knightly getup) (also everything i know abt pirates is based on the pirates of the caribbean, treasure planet and black sails and hasty 2 am googling) (also also big fucking shoutout to @s-suki for helping me with this)

the gaang's ship - aka The Avatar

yue is captain!!! (@s-suki ur brain is huge and i luv u) so from what i know being a captain is a looot abt politics and u know our girl yue is good at that, not to mention how much her crew loves her bc she gives everything for them

sokka is navigator, one look at the stars and he knows where they are instantly, he charts a course in record time, captains have in fact fought over him but he is nothing but loyal to his captain!!!

aang spends at least half his time in the sails, as lookout and keeping knots secure(? idk shit abt sailing haha) he’s also the fastest one they got, no matter if he’s running, swimming or paddling a small boat

suki is the best fighter they have bc of course she is (also theres no misogyny in this bc i said so) grown men shit themselves when they see her / also shes boatswain (the boatswain was in charge of a ship's anchors, cordage, colors, deck crew and the ship's boats, and would also be in charge of the rigging while the ship was in dock)

toph! makes! bombs! also if u give her a gun that u found thats been underwater for three months and u give her like 2 hours, not only is it completely functional afterwards but it somehow works better than before?

katara is quartermaster and shes def like 30% of how yue keeps her crew in line

haru is ship cook (i know this has zero connection to canon but have you considered boi soft and warm like bread)

teo is the ships carpenter (highest ranking if they got more than one)

jet is a fighter obvs, also him and sokka do NOT get along but yue has this real icy stare that makes them both shut up immediately

smellerbee is dating toph and yue is not opposed to their relationship but does make sure theyre not around eachother too much when explosives are also near bc those 2 def get up to some wild shit

longshot is obvs the best shot they have and is the other lookout

appa is a parrot and he spends all of his time being adorable

momo is still a lemur and just steals so much shit

on to the firenation

ozai rules over a whole ass port/island or smth idk but like all the pirates have to deal with his fucking bullshit

zhao is his 2nd in command and yue at some point guts him 😊

azula is of course captain of her ship and she rules with an iron fist

mai is first mate (making any possible future betrayals that much worse)

ty lee is ship medic and just constantly gets underestimated in fights and wins like right away

zukos life motto on azulas ship is 'i hate it here' bc his job is basically everything nobody else wants to do (until! he is no longer on the ship. does he get pushed off the ship to drown? does he leave in the night with all the valuables he can carry and a map of a great prize? idk, YOU DECIDE)

more thoughts on zuko:

i dont think he’d join the gaang right away after he’s no longer with the fire nation but would first like half-die on some island (even if he didn’t get kicked off, i just imagine he’d do smth drastic like think he can sail a ship without getting lost just bc he’s spent a lot of time on a ship but like, honey no, navigation isnt as easy as it looks) bc zuko alone u kno

iroh is still his uncle in this, but zuko doesnt know that, so he thinks he’s just this weird hermit guy that finds him and takes him in

zuko is like "what does he want? what his secret agenda? how will this guy use this against me?" and iroh is just like "boy! eat something but also are u like okay? u want some cryptic advice thats consisting of 60 ocean metaphors?"

iroh does tell him hes his uncle tho and that he left when zuko was really young and he wasnt the only one who ran from that house that day...

URSA IS ALIVE!

she had been banished by ozai and threatened with zukos murder if she had stayed, ozai wouldve killed her but he knew he couldnt take her in a straight fight and if she had been the type you could assassinate they wouldntve ever gotten together anyway

now shes vibing with iroh and lu ten, because yes lu ten is alive (listen if there is any feasable way of my boi to be alive he is!!!)

also they’re def supporting everyone who opposes ozai as asafely as they can on whatever weird remote island theyre at

once zuko joins the crew of the avatar, sokka laughs like straight five minutes abt zuko thinking he could navigate his stolen boat after not even learning how to properly read a map, not to mention everything else that goes into navigating and zuko is like "fuck u" and sokka is like "lets show u how to read a map so this doesnt happen again" still with tears of laughter in his eyes, and maybe later when hes been on the crew for longer and maybe saved sokkas life in a fight, sokka teaches him abt the stars too and cue zuko pining after the way too beautiful guy trying to explain constellations but zuko just keeps getting lost in his eyes and being hyper aware of how close sokkas arm is when he points out specific stars

the reason zuko joins them in the first place is bc the avatar is the only crew that could protect him against azula and ozai and they’re the only ones willing/able to go up against the fire nation

also katara is the first to see zuko after he parted with the fn and she like immediately has a sword to his throat and boi just fucking faints

maybe jee is also a captain in this bc i really like it when the wani shows up in fanfics and maybe they’re not on good terms with ozai but they’re flying under the radar bc its just a small ship and they do bring in their percentage so maybe zuko joins his crew before he goes to find the gaang?

now some general thoughts:

the dai lee is the chinese navy out to get them all

miyuki is one of their highest ranking officers and gives the pirates a run for their money, but weirdly never goes to chase the Avatar

hakoda is also a captain but he’s working under ozai to take the operation down from the inside (also yes of course his husband bato is also there with him ^^)

kue is absolutely some weird hermit guy

once again big thanks to @s-suki for helping me with this check out their blog theyre great! (theyre on break rn tho but dont let that deter u!!)

if anyone wants to add to this PLEASE do!!! also if anyone draws or writes smth for this please please please tag me bc i would love to see it!! (also i will love u forever ♡)

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS Para-Selene Vol.9 Sakamaki Kanato [TRACK 3]

Original title: 逃がさない

Source: Diabolik Lovers Para-Selene Vol. 9 Sakamaki Kanato [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Kaji Yuki

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

TRACK 3: I WON’T LET YOU GET AWAY

“Nn…Nnh…”

*Rustle*

“...Hm?”

*Rustle rustle*

“Ugh…Where…am I? The torture chamber…?”

Kanato looks around.

“I was carried somewhere else again while unconscious…Just like before. But I honestly do not care about that at all right now.”

*Rustle*

“Right now…It is much more important I make sure you cannot escape. I will never let you leave me. ーー Hey, how long are you going to stay asleep for? Wake up, please.”

He shakes your body.

“...Haha. Your complexion is sheer white. You can’t sit up by yourself? I suppose I have no other choice then. I will lift your body.”

*Rustle rustle*

You seem confused by your location.

“As you can tell, we’re inside the torture chamber. I have no clue who is behind all of this, but the two of us must have been transported here by someone. 

So…I actually had a great idea. Now that we’re here anyway, I think I’m going to lock you up inside this room for a bit. Once locked, there is simply no way you will be strong enough to open the door by yourself. What do you say? Isn’t that a wonderful idea? 

…Now that you mention it, I believe I have done something similar in the past. When you betrayed me by trying to go to Azusa…Right! Should I shackle you just like I did back then? Fufu~ Yes! I like the sound of that!”

*Cling cling*

“...Hm, hm~”

You ask Kanato why he is doing all of this. 

“Why, you ask…? Because you tried to betray me, obviously? Even though you vowed that we would be together forever, you nearly broke that promise…”

You tell him that you have no idea what he is talking about.

“...! You don’t…remember our promise?”

You nod. 

“...!! Don’t lie…!! You still insist on continuing that ridiculous act of yours!? I don’t believe that you have truly forgotten about everything!” 

You attempt to reason with him. 

“Shut up…!! Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!! I get pissed off from hearing you spout that nonsense. So much so, I almost find myself wanting to kill you right here, right now. ーー Hey, why do you do this? Do you hate me that much now? …BUT YOU CLAIMED TO LOVE ME, REMEMBER!? …Was that all just a lie? You deceived me, didn’t you? How could you…! That’s just too cruel…! Uu…”

You explain.

“I don’t even want to hear your excuses. What did I do to deserve this? …I can’t believe I trusted you too. You’re not getting away with this…I won’t forgive you…If I had known this would happen, I should have just killed you when I had the chance to. I wouldn’t have been betrayed by you like this, if only I had killed you and turned you into one of my dolls. Wouldn’t you agree?”

You shake your head. 

“No, it only makes sense. By killing you, you would have been stuck by my side forever, smiling at me and only me till the end of times. …And in return, I would be able to love you for eternity as well.”

*Cling* 

“Fufu…That’s why I’m going to kill you. Right here, right now. Please rest assured, I’ll make it quick! It will only take a split second to break that slender neck of yours. Ah, but if I do that, it’ll ruin your posture, won’t it? I do intend to keep you by my side as my doll after all. In that case, I shouldn’t break your neck. ーー Ah! Perhaps I could simply stab you through the heart instead?”

You push him away.

*Thud*

“...Ah!”

You run off.

“Where are you going…!?”

*Thud* 

“Fufu…Ahaha…Hahahaha…!! I believe I told you that running is futile, but I suppose you just don’t understand yet? You really are a fool. …You aren’t getting away. I will follow you to the ends of the earth. You belong to me. …Fufu…Fufufu…Hahaha…Ahahahaha…!!”

Kanato leaves the room as well.

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[whorefordazai]

hi hi its me!! im just feeling really bad and holding my tears rn. can i get anything with aku/chuu/dazai, whoever u deem more fit! they are my comfort bbys. running away from home, even if its just for a night,maybe going to some rooftop or a drive at night. my situation at home isnt the best and i feel rly caged and anxious bc i don't have friends to go out with when my situation gets overwhelming so i just break down in my room haha. anyways, i hope this is good enough? just some comfort or validating words!! sending hugs to u rai, ilysm. thank u for doing this its basically therapy for me ajsbdhd ❤️🌷

I hope things get better for you bestie, love you <33

“Till forever falls apart”

ft. dazai x gn! reader

genre: fluff, comfort

wc: 1.5k (I think🥲)

synopsis: running away from home with dazai yup yup !! simply a big fat cliche but it’s my guilty pleasure of fluff 🌝 includes a lot of kisses, hand holding, and comfort 🧍‍♂️

Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick the fucking tock.

The clock made no noise, but you imagined it did. After all, that was what usually happened when one planned to sneak out during ungodly hours of the night. Looking at the time, it read 3:54 am.

You couldn’t stay here for one more second.

Swiftly, yet quietly lifting off the covers from your body, you got up from bed, and made your way to the window. It wasn’t sunrise yet. The sky was still dark, the streets peacefully quiet. The street lamp flickered, the airy fog was light against the ground.

It was perfect.

It wasn’t perfectly planned—but knowing Dazai, it wouldn’t go completely wrong. Feeling suffocated and unable to stay home, you had spontaneously called him two hours prior, around 2 am. His disoriented sleepy voice had picked up the call.

“...Hm? Babe? What time is it...” Dazai’s delicate husky voice spoke through the phone.

You could almost imagine him letting out a yawn and stretching out in his futon, brown curls resting against his face, his eyes tearing up from the yawn. You mentally cursed yourself when a smile appeared on your lips from hearing the mere sound of his voice.

You cleared your throat. “Yeah, it’s 2 am. Listen I...” your words stopped before you could continue. You gulped. Would he even be up for this? Would he be up for running away?

Dazai seemed to notice your voice falter. He spoke more hushed this time. “Are you okay? Are you safe? Do you need me to get you?”

You stayed silent for a few seconds before exhaling.

“No...well, yes but no. And...no you don’t need to come get me. I just wanted to hear your voice, Osamu. Thanks—you can go back to sleep now.”

You bit your lip, your finger hovered over the hang up button.

“ADADADA WAIT!—“

You raised an eyebrow. Dazai’s voice now spoke louder, as if his tone was full of mischief. “Huh?”

“Darling, I wasn’t sleeping anyway. In what universe would Dazai Osamu be sleeping at 2 am? C’mon sweetheart—you know me better than that.” He chuckled.

Your breathe hitched for a second—and then you laughed. It was a quiet airy laugh. He’s right...what was I so worried about?

“Okay then,” you giggled, voice laced with a plan.

“What do say about running away with me at 4 am?”

“Why that is...MARVELOUS!! Running away is what I do best!”

You laughed again, still managing to keep a hushed voice. “Alright—then come pick me up at 4 am will you? 4 am sharp.”

“You got it, babe.” You could almost picture his devilish smirk and golden brown eyes glinting with mischief.

The clock now read 4:01 am. Dazai was definitely here.

You gulped as you opened the window in your room, careful not to make even the tiniest noise.

And there he was.

It was barely noticeable, but you could see Dazai’s figure between the dark shadows in the car. As you both made eye contact, a smile appeared on your lips.

Just to be cheesy, you blew him a kiss, and he dramatically caught—pressing his fingers to his lips.

Getting out of the window was the easy part—actually leaving without anyone noticing was going to be difficult. It would’ve been even more difficult if Dazai wasn’t here to help you.

“Hi.” You smiled, sitting down on the passenger seat next to him.

“Hi.” He smiled back. The two of you looked at each other for a few seconds, before Dazai moved closer and put a hand on your cheek, immediately locking lips with you.

Hands immediately wrapping around his neck, you smiled into the kiss. The butterflies in your stomach exploded when his hand wrapped around your waist, squeezing your hip. When his tongue brushed against your bottom lip, you breathlessly chuckled and pulled back.

“Hurry, let’s get out of here! We can continue this later~” You scratched the back of your neck, cheeks flushed pink.

“Off we go then!” He smirked, eyes looking forward and hands shifting the car gear.

And you were off.

Probably driving around seventy miles per hour, Dazai rolled down the windows and turned on the radio for some music. You grinned, hearing the sound of the breeze down the music.

“This is—why didn’t we do this sooner!?” You laughed, feeling the wind flush against your face. You looked over to Dazai, who had an equally huge smile on his face, his brown curls being swept back by the wind.

“Y/n—we’re about to drive through a tunnel. Peek your head out the car roof! I swear, it’ll feel amazing!” Dazai beamed, sliding open the car roof so that you would be ready.

“Huh?! Are you sure—”

“I’m very fucking sure!!” He laughed.

“OH—okay then!” A smirk appeared on your lips as you stood up and peaked out half your body through the roof.

It was fucking amazing.

The tunnel was brightly lit with yellow lights, the wind was blowing through your hair. In that moment...hell, you couldn’t even explain how you were feeling in this moment.

As the car stopped on a red light, you sat back down in your seat and closed the car roof. Dazai smirked. “That was cool, right?”

“Very fucking cool. Although, next time I’d like to do in your arms.” You smiled. He raised his eyebrows, and grabbed your hand, kissing your knuckles.

A sudden chill went through your body as the wind blew colder. You shivered, rubbing your arms up and down. You chuckled to yourself. I must’ve forgotten to grab a hoodie in all this rush…

“Here, put this on.” Dazai chuckled, leaning to the back seat and grabbing a black hoodie. You eyed him carefully, grabbing the hoodie he was handing to you.

Putting it on, you immediately felt a sense of warmth envelope your skin. Shivering once again, you hugged yourself. It smelled exactly like him.

“Thanks, Osamu…” you softly smiled. He glanced your way for a few seconds before nodding. “No problemo!”

“...No, seriously.” You lightly scoffed with a small smile on your face. You put your hand on his.

“Without you...I would’ve still been stuck there. You have no idea how much you’ve helped….”

Your words were stopped when you felt Dazai grab your hand and intertwine your fingers. He turned his head towards you, a smile on his lips. “I know...call me anytime, okay? I wanna see you all the time.”

You pressed a quick kiss on his lips, sitting back in your seat. Your eyes were practically lit up as you rubbed small circles on Dazai’s knuckles.

You felt simply...the only word to describe it was euphoric. The rush in your bones. It was so fucking cliche, running away with your boyfriend at 4 am.

It was so perfectly cliche that you couldn’t help but laugh to yourself.

“We’re here,” Dazai’s voice sang as he slowed down the car to a complete stop. You looked ahead—it was fairly dark, only a few street laps illuminating the building in front of you.

“An abandoned building…?” Your mouth opened, eyes a little wide.

“Yup! Now come on….” Dazai smiled, pulling your hood over your head and squeezing your face. He moved closer and pressed several kisses on your cheeks, nose, and forehead. Practically anywhere he could get access too.

“H-hey! that’s—a lot—of—kisses!!” You managed to say between breaths as he continued to kiss your lips every time you began to talk. Both his hands were squeezing your cheeks like a baby.

He suddenly laughed, the soft grip on your cheeks now turning into a caress. Dazai’s thumb rubbed soft circles against your cheek. He seemed to quiet down, but he was now staring into your eyes

“Uh...are we gonna go inside or…?” You raised an eyebrow, gently tucking a piece of his hair behind his ear. It was soft, just like how you remembered it to be.

“Yeah...let’s go.” He smirked, hands leaving your face and opening his own door to get out of the car. You got out a second after him, feet hitting the soft dirt.

Dazai suddenly clasped your hand in his, pulling you with him as he dashed to the entrance. Your eyes flew open. “W-wait! Dazai, you seem really excited—“

“No time to speak, darling—were on the move!!” He laughed, pulling the both of you up endless stairs. You felt an enabling rush as Dazai ran ahead of you, hands held together. The buzz in your body, the euphoric smile that never left your lips.

“We’re here,” Dazai gasped out, coming to a halt. The breeze gently blew across the huge clearing. You rested your hands on your knees for a second, just to catch your breath.

“We’re...on the roof…?” You bit your lip, suppressing the huge idiotic smile that was about to make its way onto your face. Dazai nodded, wrapping an arm around your waist.

“This is...beautiful.” The roof was dark, it was ghostly quiet. You could only see the city lights from across the railing. Dazai walked to the edge, hand still intertwined with yours.

He leaned against the metal bar, hands gripping the pole with a huge smile on his lips.

God, he looked so beautiful. His brown hair was gently flowing against the breeze, the bridge of his nose seemed to perfectly shape the rest of his face. Leaning your head against his shoulder, you smiled.

“You’re not gonna ask me to jump off the roof with you, hm?” You whispered as a joke. He glanced at you for half a second before wrapping his whole arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest.

“No...not today, darling.”

His eyes seemed glassy, but somehow the clearest you’d ever seen. You blinked a couple times, before finally settling your face back into his shoulder.

“You know,” he mumbled into your hair. “I look at you in a way I thought I could never look at someone.”

You stayed silent, both your hearts beating. He continued.

“I look at you, with love in my eyes. Love I didn’t know was in me...love I didn’t know I was capable of feeling.” He licked his lips with half lidded eyes. “I look at you with the love I thought I had lost.”

You buried your face deeper into his chest. “I love you so much, Dazai.” You whispered. He kissed the top of your head, humming in response.

“I wanna stay like this forever.” You mumbled, eyes suddenly becoming foggy, remembering you had no one back home.

“I know.” He softly whispered, kissing the top of your head.

“I wanna stay with you forever.”

“I know.”

“Just with you, Dazai. No one else.”

“I know.”

“But we can’t...it won’t last forever.”

“...I know.”

He suddenly wrapped his arms around your whole body, hugging you as if you were going to disappear. One of his arms circled your waist, while the other held the back of your head.

“Then we’ll stay like this—till forever falls apart.” You mumbled, inhaling his sweet scent.

He nodded, kissing the tip of your nose. “Till forever falls apart.”

a/n: a part of this was inspired by the movie perks of being a wallflower, I’m sure you can tell which part :)

tag list: @uwu-monster101 @14th-century-homosexual-spirit @dai-tsukki-desu @i4gumi @cross-crye @starglow-xx @ranposlover @bsdwhore @arimakii @malewifegirlboss @shadyteacup @smadhuman @knjksj0301 @neighborhoodfriendlysimp @rirk-ke @mushroomplantasia @luftdum @pickleisrandom @3-am-depression @its-chuuya-bitch @the-wholesome-ranpo

[futurebicon]

Mic’d

So many people wanted a part 2 so here you go. These are fun to make so I’ll probably make more.

Please leave any ideas you have for part 3 of this or any ideas in general

“What do you want for dinner tonight?” Remus asked him, an honestly normal game conversation.

“You” Sirius smirked.

“You’re mic’d baby and my parents watch these.”

Sirius’s eyes went wide.

“Do not include that.” He pulled his mic close to his mouth. “Dorcus, Alice, Frank, Marlene, whoever the hell is in charge of this shit if you include that I will sue you I swear to god. Do not include that.”

+++

“What baby?” Remus asked as Sirius huffed out a breath.

“All I want to do is go home and cuddle with you but no I have to watch this sorry excuse for a team hit all my teammates and make you leave to take care of them.” He whined, leaning heavily into Remus’s side.

“We’ll cuddle when we get home. I promise, love” Remus wrapped his arms tightly around his boyfriend.

+++

“Can you stop flirting for two seconds?” Kasey asked them. Sirius took his hand off his mic.

“We’re not flirting!”

“Uh yes you 100% are. Sirius gets that weird happy smile. It’s gross stop it.”

“Leo, Finn, and Logan are worse” Sirius said, immediately throwing a hand over his mouth. Kasey and Remus paled. All three of them looked over to Dorcas and Alice, who’s jaws were dropped.

“Hold on hold on hold on” Alice took off her headset. “The Cubs? All three? Together? Like together-together?”

They nodded, Sirius making a zipper motion over his lips. Dorcas nodded with a smile.

+++

“Re, look” Sirius pointed at a baby in the crowd, waving when her and her family noticed him.

“I want one” he sighed.

“I know you want a baby, mon amour.” Remus kissed his hair. “Maybe in a little.”

“Why not now?” Sirius pouted.

“We aren’t even married yet baby. Shouldn’t we do that before we get married?”

“We’re engaged.” Sirius huffed. “It’s kind of like marriage.”

Remus’s face dropped.

“What?” Sirius sat up straight on concern.

“Are you mic’d?” Remus asked in concern.

Sirius let out a groan and collapsed his forehead against Remus’s chest. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think about it.”

“It’s alright, baby” Remus laughed, running a hand through his hair. “We can tell them not to include it. Keep the media away for a little bit longer”

Alice and Dorcas attacked them after the game.

+++

Sirius sighed heavily as he set his head on Remus’s shoulder. Remus turned and kissed his sweaty hair.

“I love you” Sirius muttered, letting his exhaustion show in the last few minutes of the game.

“I love you too”

+++

Sirius no less than fell onto Remus, his eyes closed.

“Are you fainting or sleeping?” Remus asked him, slightly concerned.

“Sleep” Sirius said it on a second, blink and you miss it speed.

“Yeah well maybe you shouldn’t stay up till 5 the night before a game” Remus ran a hand through his hair.

“It was actually 4:47, your facts are incorrect” Sirius smiled.

“Oh mom Dieu it was close enough”

“It wouldn’t hold up in court.” Sirius said.

“You watch too many crime shows” Remus laughed.

“You forced me to watch them and then I got addicted so technically it’s your fault”

“Whatever you say” Remus smirked, leaning down and kissing him.

+++

Sirius grumbled as he climbed onto the bench. He had had a bad run on the ice.

“It’s cause I didn’t kiss you before I went out” he said. “You’re my good luck charm”

“Am I?” Remus smiled and wrapped his arms around Sirius’s shoulders.

Sirius nodded.

+++

Sirius winced as Logan collided with another player, taking a few moments to get up.

“I’m gonna have to check him out” Remus lifted his chin off Sirius’s shoulder.

“Hey, I’m the only one you’re allowed to check out.” Sirius exclaimed.

“Haha, very funny” Remus kissed him, walking down the tunnel with Logan.

@lumosinlove

[kpophubb]

Hi baby 💕 ✉️ 🌝

Ahhh those Sunghoon gifs you reposted 🔥

I hope you had / are having an amazing day ! I kinda love your routine rn :) exercises are def good for the health I hope you are eating good and balanced meals ? Plus water ? ( ah I’m struggling heavily with all of those 😅🙈)

I can be literally so silly sometimes, I was checking your blog yesterday and I saw your reply and “I guess I replied in my head” till now , it’s literally next day 9pm here I was checking your blog literally 10 times looking for your message for me💀 but I think lmao just now I remembered I didn’t write anything 😭 I was waiting and checking your blog between the breaks and ah all my fault 🤦🏻‍♀️🤧😅🥲🥲

I happy for you again *^^^ uwu^^^ studying abroad is always an interesting experience & I hope everything goes smoothly and really happily :) medicine is hard tho too! I think even harder than law school 🏫.. I hope you still have time for your blog 😭🤧

Pat* pat* thanks for sweet messages 💕❤️💖 you are so adorable and I’m so happy I got a new friend:)

Also I got new medicine, my sickness (?) ah is kinda progressing .. I hope it’s not covid😭 that’s why I’m so slow on replies , I liter. would love to chat with u 27/4 and I am usually like this 😭🤧

Todays song recommendation that I can’t get enough is aespa— illusion , do you listen to GG? Maybe you have a bias in aespa? Also is your skz bias Felix ?:)

Thank you for 🍊 SUNOO 😽🥰🥰🥰🥰

Hugs and kisses baby , remember you are the best❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Also what do you think about my ideas for fic ? :) any you could work on ?🙈🙈😅😅🥰🥲

~ 🐁 nonie:)

🐁 anonie 🥺❤️ enjoy a little, fluffy sunsun edit first ( ♥︎ )

and about finding my asks ah you don’t have to go through so much trouble! Just go to “about my blog” portion in my pinned post and when you scroll down there’s a whole organised section for asks. “Anon list” over there click your emoji and tada! All your replies will show up🥰 I just opened my eyes from my sleep and I had such a romantic dream about taehyun ( from txt) 😳 my cheeks are blazing 😳👉🏻👈🏻 it’s always him I see romantic dreams about, today’s the second time! *gets shy and blushes uwu*🙈 he looked SO good AND SO MUCH TALLER THAN ME I could’ve passed out..*heavy breathing* 😮‍💨 and yeah ikr? Medicine is harder than law..and it takes up almost 24 hours of your time bc there’s so much study material and things to cover..I’m not sure if I can keep up w my writing speed and post fanfics as frequently, but I’m never leaving tumblr. 🫶🏻 I’ll always reblog gifs and answer asks and interact with the people here cause this is my safe haven.🥺🫶🏻💓 and I DID check out your fic ideas! I liked all of them tbh they are so cute T.T I wanna do a y/n’s best friend who is jealous over hyunnie and all, who also has feelings for y/n like you mentioned. But I can’t decide if it’s gonna be soobinie or sunoo! I feel like soobin would make a better appearance here since soobin and hyunjin are the same age? Better rivalry🤣 and more interesting love triangle haha. But ofc it’s upto you and who you want!! And naaaaahhh!! I hope it’s not covid :(( don’t worry it isn’t! Bc of rapid weather changes so many people around me (and even I did) face cold, fever, throat ache symptoms. I wish you a speedy recovery <3 I’m also glad I found a new friend T.T you’re so <333 I heard the last song by boa I think? It was pretty cool🤩 actually I’ve never heard songs from girl kpop bands before. I’m into the boyband culture so deeply haha. I only know itzy and heard one of their songs bc I literally simp for yeji!!😍 hugs and kisses back at you 😚 and I will leave this song review in our next ask <3 YEP felix is my skz bias WITHOUT A DOUBT 🌤💛 but my loyalty usually swerves between minho and seungminnie!😆

[just-some-random-blogger]

One Million In One Day | 9

GOT7 SugarDaddy!Jackson Wang x Reader + Park Jinyoung x Reader | Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Characters: GOT7 Summary: His mother’s final wish is to see him be happy in a relationship, knowing that Jackson would be fine when she left him. But, damn, he didn’t have time for relationships, especially not since he was busy running his father’s billion dollar empire, thus the compromise: you. Word Count: <2k Warnings: Stalking, fighting, cursing, mentioning of illness, TYPOS, etc.

A/N: HI IT”S BEEN SO LONG BUT HERE IT IS HKASHFKAFA

I’m tagging @tia-m94 because, well, she wanted to be HAHA, and I was looking for all the other messages I got about updating this but I can’t seem to find them, so yeah, if you wanna be tagged in the last chapter just ell me cos I’m actually planning on posting that soon as well.

It’s been two weeks since Jinyoung stopped talking to us, and I’ve had enough of it. He’s neither replied to my or Mark’s texts while clearly holding his phone in class, so obviously he wants us to know that he’s ignoring us.

Once Mr. Choi says class dismissed, I grabbed my things and jogged over to the other side of the room for him. He was still fixing up his things when I arrived and the blank expression he had somehow fell.

I move over to him once his row is cleared and call out to him, “Jinyoung.”

Much unlike him, he takes all his things and shoves it into his bag, out of spite. But it was too unlike his nature. He sighs and begins to fix it inside, not paying attention to me.

“I’m sorry that I upset you.”

Jinyoung glares at me, “you’re sorry? For what?”

I bite my lower lip and huff, “Jinyoung... please don’t be like this.”

Jinyoung scoffs, “you still don’t get it, do you.”

“Could you please just tell me? I don’t like becoming your enemy.”

“Do you? From what I can tell you don’t care at all for me.”

I pull back from his tight remark and frown, “how could you say that...”

Jinyong's eyes are on fire as he watches my expression in disgust, “You can’t play with me, just because we’re friends.”

“I’m not playing with you," I manage weakly.

Jinyoung rolls his eyes and finally fixes all his things and storms past me. I let him have a head start and run after him right after.

The moment I caught up with him, I grab onto his arm and blurt, “there’s only one thing I can think of... but I have no idea how you’d know.”

Jinyoung finally stops and turns to me.

I feel my feel tears well up in my eyes and I pull him to the side. Jinyoung looks down at me as I fiddle my fingers. I scratch my eyes and turn to him, finding he dawned a different expression on his face.

“Do you know about..." I suck in a breath and whisper, "my sugar daddy?"

Jinyoung clenches his jaw for a moment, then lets out a breath, “... yes. I saw him take you out in his sports car when I was supposed to come over. I was already outside your door when I called.”

I bite my lower lip.

Jinyoung clenched jaw, "you lied to me that day. You said you were going to sleep in all day. You even had the audacity to say you had fun with me the day before."

I turn to him, hot tears streaming down my face. I desperately reason out, "but I did Jinyoung. I love hanging out with you no matter where or when."

Jinyoung turns away from me and I begin to feel like the world was staring at me at this point. I turn to my feet in shame and embarrassment.

"Then why did you lie?" Jinyoung starts again, not caring if the world could hear, "between your teeth, in front of my face? And you told Mark though, so it infuriates me even more."

I suck in a breath for courage and grab his hand, "can we talk at my apartment, please. Give me a chance to explain."

I dread that he will rip him hand away from me and spit at my face. But instead, he grips my wrist and sighs, leading me off.

When we get there, Jinyoung's keen eye notices all the differences in the place. He doesn't miss to note on it bitterly, "wah, you bought an oven too. How cute."

I frown and turn to him, "ya... I did it for you okay."

Jinyoung looks at me, bewildered, caught off guard.

I whine and wipe my face. I drop my bag to the floor and push the thought of missing class today away, "I bought an oven so we could make cheesecake, because I just like you so damn much. And I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean for you to see Jackson. And I had to tell Mark because I had to spend all the money he gave me or else I would lose it."

Jinyoung shakes his head and hands, "wait don't tell me the story like this. Tell me from the beginning, from the very start till now."

And so I do.

By the end of it, Jinyoung and I are sitting on the couch with an awkwardly small gap between us. I don't know what was going through his mind now, but what I did know was that he wasn't happy.

"So what, you're going to keep doing this? What if he asks you to marry you for the sake of his mom?"

I furrow my brows, "Jinyoung, he wouldn't do that. And besides, I think he won't ask me to come over anymore."

"But if he does, will you go?"

"... I can't just leave him."

Jinyoung turns sour, "you most definitely can. You have nothing in writing."

"But he's like a friend now..."

He scoffs, "so you like this Jackson guy?"

I bitterly reply without turning to him, "it's like you want me to make a neon sign that I like you, Jinyoung."

When he doesn't give a sassy retort, I feel my insides grind in fear. I manage to turn to him and my stomach drops when I see he's staring at me, "do you mean it?"

I frown.

"Or are you just saying things I want to hear to get a pass?"

I feel my eyes glass, "what?"

Jinyoung scoffs out a chuckle, "are you an idiot, or are you an idiot?"

"... ... Jinyoung ..."

He sighs, "you still don't get it, do you?" Jinyoung diminishes the gap between us and casually wipes the tears on my cheek away, "I like you so much, you big idiot."

I just look at him, dumbfounded, not really knowing what to say, up until a thought popped up in my head, "is that why you were so upset?"

Jinyoung rolls his eyes, "what do you think?"

It may have been misplaced and untimely, but my stomach swirls in butterflies and I begin to feel giddy.

"You have to stop seeing him though."

I feel pulled back by his sudden statement.

"I don't want you going around with some guy that has so much leverage over you. Especially not because you wanted to by me an over for stupid cheesecake, the hell?"

I open my mouth to protest, but Jinyoung cuts me off, “you’ve done enough, pabo. Now, for my sake,” he grabs my hand, “don’t see any other guy, but me.”

My heart races. My breath hitches.”

Jinyoung clears his throat, “so, can I be your boyfriend?”

I can’t help but bite my lip and snort at him for asking like that. I, instead on answering, do what I have thought of doing whenever he pouts, or whenever he smiles, or whenever he’s stressed, or whenever he’s teasing me. I move forward and peck his lips, placing a chaste kiss and smiling back at him.

Jinyoung doesn’t seem to be surprised by this, and only pushes me back to plant a deeper kiss on my lips. We reposition, so that my torso is facing him and so is his facing mine. I wind up leaning on the arm rest of the sofa and Jinyoung’s hands are latching themselves on my body. He stops midway and inhales, “I want you to answer me though, just so it’s clear we’re on the same page.”

I pretend to think about it, “... I dunno, commitment seems a little too much. Why not just be kissing buddies?”

Jinyoung raises his upper lip and makes an annoyed sound. He then tickles me where he had his hands and I jolt and wither at the assault.

“Okay! Okay!” I scream, making him cease and narrow his eyes at me, “you can be my boyfriend, Park Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung scoffs, “ya, you think you’re so cool? It’s an honor for you to be my girlfriend.”

I forfeit another reply and only pull him close. Jinyoung reciprocates immediately.

My mind is already hazy when he pulls away again, “I want to hear you say it--”

“Shut up, Jinyoung.”

It’s kinda funny how Jinyoung and I go about now. I remember telling Mark about it during class and how much he freaked out because of it.

It was kinda funny.

Much like I has anticipated, an entire month had passed and I didn't even really think about Jackson. That was up until I got a call one night from no other than my sugar daddy himself.

“Hello?” I answer immediately

“Hey--” his voice is thick and low, “I know this is short notice, but can I meet you right now?”

I pull my phone away to check the time. I see it’s about 9:30pm. I pull my phone back, “I dunno, Jackson. I’m kinda scared to go out at this time.”

“What if I pick you up?”

I think of Jinyoung for a moment, then I reply to Jackson, “okay.”

By the time Jackson arrives, I had texted Jinyoung that I would go out with Jackson for one last time. He was hesitant, but he said that he trusted me more than anything.

I went into Jackson’s car and he immediately just drives once I get in. I barely even have time to put my seatbelt on. I look at him and see his face is dishevelled.

I decide not to speak up until he parks in a 24/7 supermarket’s parking lot.

“My mom passed,” Jackson says, immediately breaking down.

For a moment I am stunned, and I have absolutely no idea what to do. Jackson is gripping the steering wheel as he crumbles and weeps. I then have the decency to reach out to him and rub his back. I want to speak, to say something, but I just feel like I shouldn’t.

It’s Jackson that bursts out again, “the day you met her, she said she was really tired from being so happy. I stayed with her that night, watching her drama. I slept on the couch. When I woke up, she... she was stiff and... and-”

I cover my face with my hands, “Jackson...”

“It’s like she was just waiting for that moment and-- I- I feel like if you hadn’t met her then, she’d... she’d still be waiting... and it conflicts me so much.”

I begin to feel tears fall from my eyes as well.

“You know, at the very least she’s not suffering anymore, and you made her happy,” Jackson shudders, turning to me with bloodshot eyes. He frowns, lips quivering, “oh gosh, I’m so sorry. I’ve just made everything so depressing.”

“No,” I take his hand, “what you feel right now is normal. You’ve just had a great loss. I’m glad that I got to meet her and made her happy, Jackson.”

He chuckles, “don’t you resent me for doing something like this.”

I shake my head, “no. In fact, let’s stop this agreement between us okay. If you ever need me, just call me as a friend, okay.”

Jackson pulls his hand away to slap it on his face, “oh lord, as if I deserve that.”

“Jackson-”

“No... I shouldn’t take advantage of you.”

“You’re not!” I say, “I want you to be my friend. You can hang out with me, Jinyoung, Mark, and Nari. I think it would be good for you, especially now. I can take you to cheap restaurants and let you borrow two dollar shirts. You’ll finally taste boxed wine.”

He begrudgingly chuckles at that. I give a smile.

For a moment, he just heaves. Jackson settles and turns to me, offering a sad smile, “thank you... for everything.”

“Thank you too.”