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onlyswan · 8 months

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The person who mentioned virgo as a sign they can see oc as i totally agree but i can see virgo being their venus sign. There’s a couple virgos in my life, my bestest and longest friend is a virgo sun, my mom and older cousin are virgo moons and two people i adore most in this world that i’d consider family are virgo venuses(can you tell i’m abit of an astro nerd) and from being around them, listening to them and just experiencing them, my analysis is that they are genuine and extremely childlike but more so in a youthful tone not an immature one.

Virgo is ruled by the planet Mercury along with Gemini so they can be just as playful and witty and spontaneous! They want to explore and experience the world and hate the idea of limiting their spirit, but at the same time love is always in their back burner just waiting to be lit up. There’s this purity about them which is why it hurts so much to see them hurt. They do genuinely care for others and take the needs and feelings of others into consideration before they ever choose themselves which is why it takes alot for them to walk away from situations where they are being mistreated.

People tend to associate virgo with just being kind of apathetic and judgy or a neat freak, organized and very specific and picky with certain things and with people but they’re far more complex than that. They sacrifice a lot for those they love and are so thoughtful and nurturing through their actions more than anything. And while they will pamper and baby you, they’ll also hit you with a dose of truth because they want what’s best for you. I’ve always called Virgo an earthy version of cancers because they are so so so sooo compassionate and really adorable sweethearts. Although they outwardly seek passion and affection and good times in their love escapades, deep down they seek strong commitment, reliability and time with people they hold dear.

Though i will say virgo venuses aren’t really straight shooters when it comes to pursuing love so i think oc may have a fire mars in their chart that makes them so spicy and bold when it comes to being flirty and straightforward with what they want lool … butttt still virgos do tend to play shy when 9/10 it’s really a gagg and their real, plethora of other personalities are kinky, reckless, sad, passionate, affectionate, tension filled, rebellious n trauma all in one lmaooo. They’re still the cutest and so endearing and intriguing, you just want to know more

if i were to "diagnose" oc lool, i’d say they’re a cancer sun, maybe pisces moon, leo mercury, virgo venus and leo mars(i’m in between this and sag but also scorpio because they do tend to be bold n upfront too lol) with a gemini rising 😁

Oh! There’s also this thing called a Synastry Chart which is the interaction between two people’s charts and Jk having a virgo moon would conjunct(this is an astro term basically meaning two planets are close to each other) oc’s virgo venus and venus conjunct moon is an extremely cute synastry placement n really lovey dovey… those two are just eternal sweethearts ha! if that sounds a little complicated if you have time you can take a look at this https://www.yourtango.com/zodiac/moon-conjunct-venus-synastry# it explains it pretty well!

Wow this is soooo longg and i didnt expect to go off on such a tangent.. i apologize but just thought i’d chime in too since i’ve had a love for astrology for so long. It’s fun and super complex and it can be accurate but also not.. our environment and way we’ve been conditioned etc influences all this as well so it’s not end all be all. it’s nice reading everyone else’s interpretation of what sign oc may be tho, oc has got lots of fans ! Me included but i think i may be a bigger ART fan 😉 haha take care and keep being beautiful my love 🏹🌠

tHANK YOU 😭 you should see my face every time i hear about that stereotype (;—;) it physically hurts my soul lmaoooo

There’s this purity about them which is why it hurts so much to see them hurt.

🥺🥺🥺 oh

omgggg okay i’m listening

writing this down so i have another set of placements to read about aside from mine heheheheh thank youuu so much for your insights it’s very much appreciated 🥺🫶🏼

omg yeah i know about synastry charts !! definitely not bcs i’ve done it with my chart and a few others during my down bad moments haha ha but it’s so freaking cuuuute reading about it in the context of the iw!couple 😭😭😭 MY HEART.

Likewise, the Venus person brings creativity, charm, and goodwill to the connection. They bring out the deep feelings of the Moon person and make them feel safe enough to open up sooner than they usually do in relationships.

THIS PART :(((

it’s nice reading everyone else’s interpretation of what sign oc may be tho, oc has got lots of fans ! Me included but i think i may be a bigger ART fan 😉

CUTIE 🥹🥹🥹 but to me this is just a silly little blog and you are all my little forest friends 🍄 i hold a tea party for every few weeks <3 ilysm <3

#art’s post office ☁️#to make art smile :d #oc’s astro chart forum

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sarahjtv · 3 years

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BNHA Chapter 309 Spoiler Thoughts: Izuku and Inko Midoriya, and Some More Things Along The Way

The chapter leaks are here again! Thanks to all the people on Twitter and here on Tumblr for providing us with scans and translations. This chapter helps explain some things that a lot of us were wondering about. Sadly, there’s still no Bakugo, or Shoto, or any other UA kids really; they’re only in flashbacks. But, we do get to see what All Might and the Top 3 Heroes (Endeavor, Hawks, and Best Jeanist) are up to, so that’s something. Anyway, remember to take what I say with a grain of salt until the official translations come out on Sunday:

The chapter starts a few minutes after Deku beat Muscular. He’s flying through the air taking an unconscious Muscular tied up in his Black Whip. The other Ketsubusu Academy students from the Lisence Exam see him too. Thankfully the stubborn civilians from 2 chapters ago are willing to help Yo Shindo recover in exchange for not listening moving to the school shelters. Also, Shindo’s barely conscious, but he does actually remember Deku. He’s just not the same Deku as before. Not much for me to say here except that I wonder if Shindo’s going to help spread the word about Deku’s actions. Not just to his classmates, but I wonder if the words’ going to get out to the news and UA. Actually, word might not even get that far since Shindo was only one of the few people in that exam that really even interacted with Deku...

Deku hands Muscular over to the police for them to take care off. He also makes sure to cover himself up in Smokescreen to hide his identity. So, Deku really is working in the shadows here. It is best that the public doesn’t know what Deku is doing so that the LoV don’t track him down. My man’s really going down the Batman route. Oh, I also have to admire Deku’s smartphone here kept in this steel case. I was going to say it’s a burner phone, but burner phones break easily for a reason and this one clearly doesn’t. Maybe it’s a special one that can’t be tracked down.

And we finally get to see All Might again! He is actively working with Deku instead of just not knowing where his protege is. He’s wearing casual clothes (jacket, jeans, sunglasses, the works) when he meets up with Deku in an alleyway. I’m honestly glad that All Might is still supervising Deku. I mean, Deku on his own would’ve been badass, but when you’re going up against people like AFO and Shigaraki, you’re going to need some help. Especially when laying low. Even with supervision, I still think Deku counts as a vigilante b/c I don’t think his license works if he’s not at UA. I will believe this unless proven otherwise.

It’s explained that the “wrapping” on Deku’s arms are actually gauntlets called “Mid-Gauntlets”, which are what are helping hold Deku’s arms together. And they are VERY similar to the gauntlets that Melissa Shield from Two Heroes gave Deku. Deku even says that All Might ordered them from the USA before travel restrictions were put in place. I know that it’s only implied, but there’s no doubt in my mind that Deku’s new gauntlets were made by Melissa. Even if you want to doubt it, at this point, Two Heroes (and by extension Heroes Rising and probably the upcoming 3rd movie, World Heroes Mission) are canon. Honestly, I’m cool with it. I liked Melissa and I’m glad her presence is still around (she was even in a Team-Up Mission chapter with Hatsume). I do wonder if we’re ever going to see her in the main story. It would be nice to see Melissa again.

The gauntlets are test samples and are used to enhance endurance. All Might says that they can’t withstand 100% of OFA yet. Which means that Deku actually beat Muscular with less than 100% unlike their first fight where Deku had to use over 100% just to knock him out. So, does this mean that, say, Deku’s current 45% is stronger than his 100+% back in the Forest Camp? Or maybe it was just the combo of moves and strategy rather then Deku just punching his way through things.

Small detail, but All Might’s phone goes off with that “I AM HERE” ringtone we heard before and Deku comments that this particular one is from All Might’s Silver Age TV Special! It’s such a small thing, but I love that Deku still has that All Might fanboy in him despite everything 💚! Somethings truly never change.

And back to the Top 3: Endeavor, Hawks, and Best Jeanist! Endeavor and Best Jeanist are teaming up to kick a villain’s ass while Hawks is talking to All Might on the phone. It looks like Hawks got a few costume changes particularly his visor/glasses which look more boxy than they did before if that makes sense. Oh, and they’re also helping All Might work with Deku. Makes sense since all three vowed to help take down Dabi earlier and Shigaraki and AFO definitely extend from that.

Deku’s Danger Sense is going off, so he’s probably going to check out any danger he can find in case it’s the LoV. I do wonder if that harms Deku still. It was said that it felt like a stabbing in his head and it must’ve been bad enough for the 4th OFA Holder to live in the forest away from society. Man, I really hope our boy is ok (I know he’s not really, let me have this).

But yeah, Hawks (still wingless, but with a nice little undercut btw😳) explains that Deku's afraid of dragging other people in his battles like All Might. Hawks also goes on to say that it’s best to take the initiative in taking down AFO and Shigaraki rather than waiting for them to appear all powered up. He also wants All Might to keep supporting him despite the difficult position he’s in (remember that All Might’s technically Qurikless again and can’t really fight on his own). It makes sense for them to go after the Villains again while they can. If Deku fought Shigaraki while Shigaraki was at full strength, Deku would lose easily. Even at 75%, Shigaraki was able to kill and injure A LOT of people, and Deku was lucky to even make it out there alive. They need to find Shigaraki SOON!

Flashback to Central Hospital before Deku jumped UA ship! Recover Girl and Central Hospital’s high-tech were responsible for many of the patience recovering quickly and being discarged. Deku was just there a little longer than the others. So, we can assume that all our UA kids and some notable heroes made it out alive after being treated. Still don’t know what happened to some people like Tamaki and Fat Gum tho 😭.

All Might and Deku’s mom, Inko (thank god she’s ok), are by Deku’s bedside as his casts are taken off. Deku’s doctor (who looks like Super Mario/Luigi; the whole Super Mario crew must run this damn place. Where’s Bowser and Princess Peach) explains that despite his former warnings about his ligaments, Deku’s limbs are still functioning because he’s not the same as he was before. So, before, Deku’s injuries were like his limbs were exploding from the inside, but this time those “explosions” were able to escape his body. Also his Black Whip cast helped keep Deku’s arm in tact so that he wouldn’t pulverize himself. His ligimates are still degrading too, so Deku still has to be careful. I think he might have a few more small scars too, but that could just be shadows or muscle lining from Horikoshi’s pen-work.

Ok, honestly, I’m not sure how this logically works... I’m no medical professional, but I assume this means that Deku’s built his body up so much that it’s naturally able to withstand more damage than before and that’s why he’s more durable. But, I don’t know how Deku was able to let the “explosions” escape this time. I get the reverse; I get how he got injured before, but I don’t get this. Was it the Black Whip brace he made for himself? I honestly don’t really understand this. Maybe the official translations will clear this up. Or Horikoshi will in a Tweet or Volume Extra.

And Inko is finally informed of OFA thank the gods! She was in the top of my list of “People who should really, really know OFA and what’s going on with Deku because I swear...”. She’s clearly shaken up as anyone would be, but I’m glad she at least knows what’s going on with her son. Yes, she’s still worried, but at least she can stop guessing why all this is happening.

Deku announces the reason why he won’t go back to UA and it’s basically that Shigaraki can sense where Deku is and he doesn’t want to see anyone else close to him get hurt and/or die. So, basically what I thought would be the reason. Absolutely no surprise there. But, going after Shigaraki and AFO first was originally Deku’s idea, so that’s something new. Kid’s bold.

And this broke my heart 💔! Inko insists that Deku stay with her to stay safe, but Deku knows what he has to do. So, he thanks his mom, thanks her for making him happy, and tells her that he’ll be ok and that he’ll come back home with a somber smile on his face. We see a flashback to Little Deku and Inko too when they were happier. Bro, I don’t even know what to say. I am in tears just writing this 😭 I’ll just post these two panels so y’all can cry with me. I will never recover from this. I’m fucking devastated. You better come home, Deku:

*sniffs* All Might remembers what he said to Inko. He remembers how he said that he will protect Deku with his life. All Might encourages Deku to go and he says that he’ll go with him with tears in his eyes. He asks the Top 3 to help with this mission (finding Dabi) as their own mission coincides with Deku’s (finding Shigaraki and AFO). I’m so glad all these adults are staying by Deku’s side throughout this. It’s good to know that Deku still has support, though I wish it were from some of his friends too. Maybe one day.

Deku goes to see Grand Torino in his hospital room to talk to him about OFA. He mentions his friend and 7th Holder Nana Shimura. Torino thinks he was responsible for killing Shigaraki (he really wasn’t let's be real). He also tells Deku that Deku shouldn’t be so persistent in saving Shigaraki as killing can sometimes lead to salvation. Ok, few things:

1. I am surprised Grand Tarino is still alive. I mean, we don’t know what happened to him after this talk, but at least he got to hear from Deku again. It’s kind of nice to know that Tarino willingly passed down his cape to Deku too instead of Deku just taking it after his death. Also, I’ve been watching some of Jujutsu Kaisen like everyone else has and this give me some Yuji & his grandfather vibes to it. Knowing what happens there and that JJK’s magaka is good friends with Horikoshi, I have a sinking feeling I know what happened after this talk...

2. Deku looks so much older here. Like, it’s not that cute, innocent baby face we knew at the beginning. I don’t even know what it is exactly (maybe the eyes), but he just looks more mature here. Also, his uniform some buttons down looks really good on him, I’m sorry but I need to mention that too 💚.

3. “Killing is a means towards salvation”. Oh, boy... I mean, I get it. Some people just can’t be saved or captured in hopes of rehabilitation/redemption. Sometimes killing people is necessary to save others. But, Deku is not a killer. He will try to save Shigaraki no matter what. That was established again last chapter. He tried to save Muscular for god’s sake. But, I am curious if Gran Tarino’s words are going to hold any weight in the final fight. Like, will Deku have to kill Shigaraki? What will that do to Deku as a person? I’m really curious if Horikoshi is going to make Deku do this.

And finally, there’s a page showing off the Top 3, Deku, and All Might team up with the resolve to beat the LoV. I am really interested to see where this goes. Deku is working with the big Pro Heroes instead of his classmates/friends. This hasn’t really happened before. I also wonder if Shoto and Bakugo know what Deku’s doing then. Because Shoto’s going to help Endeavor and his family find Dabi. Endeavor’s activley helping Deku. Also, Endeavor and Best Jeanist are both Bakugo’s mentors. All Might too actually. Look, maybe I’m making excuses to see my Origin Trio together again, but I do have to wonder if Shoto and Bakugo are involved somehow.

Welp, that’s it. This chapter was a rollercoaster! I was excited, I was confused, I was worried, I cried my eyes out at one point because THOSE TWO PANELS I CANNOT 💔😭! I’m honestly just waiting for Horokishi to drop some major time-skip on us at some point. I don’t want him to, but I won’t be entirely surprised if he does. The end of this chapter is a good place to end if Horikoshi wants to segway into something else like, oh IDK, THE UA KIDS LET ME SEE THEM AGAIN HORIKOSHI PLS I’M BEGGING 💸

Me @ Horikoshi almost every week:

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lilyharvord · 4 years

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if you were to have written the red queen series epilogue, how many children would you have said mare and cal would have had? i always pictured them with more than two

Just the two for me I think, but because you asked Im about to unload every head canon I have about them on you. Victoria also can’t stop me from thinking what I think because well... she literally gave us nothing.

I have never been able to decide who is born first because I love the older brother is protective even though the little sister really doesn’t actually need his help trope, but I also love the idea of their daughter being the first born cause you know she’s a straight up daddy’s girl no questions asked and Mare is like I need another one because the first one likes you too much and Cal is more than happy to oblige.

My head canons get so much more specific after that is taken care of so buckle up.

Coriane: God literally hit copy+paste Cal when she was made. She's got the Calore eyes, the dark hair, the stupidly good jawline, the burner ability (as a new blood of course), she’s good with machines (loves to mess around in the garage with him), she's brilliant at strategy and training because she spends a stupid amount of time with Cal learning everything he knows and he is ABSOLUTELY willing to sit at the dining room table with her for hours teaching her. She’s got Mare’s curls (cause no one can stop me from believe that Mare has curly hair), and Mare’s skin color, Mare’s lack of respect for authority, and Mare’s bad attitude for the most part. (also she may or may not ride a cycle--i’m just saying girls that do that and then do the thing where they flip their hair as they take the helmet off???? 😤) She’s 100% bi and gives no shits. She could lie and get away with almost everything, except where Mare is concerned, she knows her daughter’s tells like the back of her hand.

Shade: God said let me mix a little better this time and went 45-55 with a little more Barrow than Calore this time. He’s got those gorgeous honey eyes that break Mare’s heart because they look so much like his namesake’s, he’s got Mare’s mouth but Cal’s build and which makes for such a funny combination in my mind because Mare’s anger finally has enough space to stretch in her son’s 6′ body. He’s a little quieter than his sister, more content to spend time reading with his uncle than he is training, but when he fights, he fights DIRTY. He does not care who you are or where you came from (it makes sibling sparring sessions especially dangerous because neither wants to lose). You know he’s an electricion which just makes him a straight mama’s boy and Mare is not afraid to admit to that (there are no favorites among their children but Shade definitely could get away with murder and Mare would let him with no questions asked while Coriane might have to wiggle her way out of that one.) On the fence is Shade is gay or straight or some other form of sexuality, I like the idea of him not being straight tho.

These two are TROUBLE MAKERS™️ with a CAPITAL T. They have gotten into so much shit growing up that their parents eventually gave up trying and became the parents that get that call from the school and go: *sigh* what did he/she do this time? Oh? that’s it? Well that’s not that bad I guess. Just sit them out at lunch or something.

They are very close with their parents, but they are also very close with Clara who is only like 8 years older than them in my honest opinion. She loves them and they adore her. Of all their cousins, she’s their favorite. They all get into shenanigans when they get older and they are a god level trio that no one fucks with.

While they are not dissuade from joining the Montfort military, Mare and Cal are little hesitant to let them follow that path. Mare especially with Shade (some trauma just cannot be dealt with).

Finally: Coriane may or may not date Ptolemus/Wren’s son. But that’s hush hush and neither of their parent groups are aware of that, even though Evangeline is very much aware but would never snitch on her nephew like that.

Thank you for coming to my presentation, I return you to our regularly scheduled scrolling.

#(*ask lily*)#(*shut up lily*)#this was so long #I'm sorry I just have a lot of feeling bout them #red queen #glass sword #kings cage #war storm #broken throne #post broken throne #marecal #coriane barrow calore #shade barrow calore #BET victoria #you can fight me in a denny's parking lot at 3 am over this shit because I control canon now

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stiltonbasket · 3 years

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Twelve Moons and a Fortnight wrap-up Q & A!

(brief note that this post does contain spoilers, so don’t click past the cut unless you’ve finished reading!)

1. Hi Stilton! I love you and TMAAF! The way you write the letters really feels organic and like people writing letters to other people in a time where communication wasn't instantaneous and thats a pet peeve I have with some fics that treat letters like text. I don't know if you've been asked this but what's your inspiration for the letters? Did you just make them up as they are? Did you look at old letters and studied the tone? @iwillbetrash4eva

I made the letters up as they are, but it was essential for me to keep in mind that the characters are all highly educated, and that Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian, and Nie Huaisang in particular are very accomplished in the arts. Letters written by someone who composes music and poetry in their spare time aren’t going to be the same as emails and text messages written for the sake of raw information transfer, so I made sure to incorporate that into the letters; they’re written on pretty paper, usually in the sender’s best calligraphy, and it takes time to sit down and write them, so there’s an aspect of aesthetic reflection there that we rarely notice in modern communication.

I also felt that the characters would include snapshots of their lives and feelings while writing; this was more important with Wei Wuxian, since he throws himself so deeply into his daily life, but I also had to remember how important the past is to all of the characters and how enmeshed it is with their relevant current events. Ultimately, each letter serves as an extra look into the characters’ state of mind, which is something the narrative might not give us.

2. What was your favorite scene in TMAAF, and which OC was the most fun to write? @keela1221

My favorite scene was Wei Wuxian’s departure from Lotus Pier in chapter 46, especially the part when everyone chased after him! I planned it several months in advance (sometime last summer, I think?) so finally getting to write it felt amazing.

Surprisingly, my favorite original characters to write (besides the main additions of Xiao-Yu, Yu Zhenhong, and Li Shuai) were the Jiang juniors. They love their Wei-zongzhu so much ;~;

3. What made you think of writing this fic? And would you consider a special epilogue because I don't think 50 chapters were nearly enough for me.❤ @avezevin

I think I just wanted to speculate about what cultivation politics might have been like after Jin Guangyao died, and TMAAF was born! And I most likely will be posting an epilogue, since I realized that the Zhenqing wedding works best as a coda instead of as a fic of its own.

4. what's your research process for tmaaf? the worldbuilding is so detailed!!

I read posts on tradition and culture and use them as sources if the chance ever comes along. A significant portion of the lore was entirely made up, but @light8828 helped me with some of the language, and offered so much guidance on cultivation worldbuilding <3

5. I really like the way you write the dynamic between Wei ying and lan zhan with their kids in all your stories. Xiao-Yu is a very lovable character and his relationship with his parents is something I go back to read many times. What do you use as inspiration when writing his, or any of his siblings, relationship with their parents?

Real life, I guess. Some of my older friends have recently had children, and they’re very good parents. :3

6. Where will you be going with the series? I need to prepare myself for heartbreak if the end is approaching, (its ok if you dont know tho! Idk is an optimistic answer, its just that you seem to have many things plotting away in that brain of yours)

Up next, I’m going to finish all the fics in the series that are still in progress, and then I’m going to write Lan Xichen’s fic, maybe a fic from Wen Qing’s point of view, a fic focusing on a reincarnated Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen, and a fic from Jin Yun’s POV focusing on his relationship with LXC and the latter’s death and ascension. This doesn’t count all the fluffy wangxian oneshots still bubbling on the back burner, so I expect this series to keep me busy well into 2022. *sweats*

7. TMAAF Q&A: when did you decide you were bringing wen qing back? what led you to making her return a result of the soul-summoning array, rather than having her have survived by some other method? @mischief7manager

I decided that Wen Qing would be returning sometime between chapters 12 and 15, since that was when I knew I wanted her to be the one to cure Wei Wuxian. And as much as I liked the idea of Wen Qing surviving, I didn’t want her to be imprisoned for the 16-year interim; it was important that she appear in TMAAF as she was before her death rather than having over a decade of character development off-screen. But she wasn’t a fierce corpse that could just be put to sleep for all that time, hence the soul-summoning.

8. For the Q&A: Stilton, how did you come up with such an adorable perfect little child like Xiao-Yu?? You write him so well it really does seem like it’s a child talking!! @whereisyourcahier

He’s partly based on a real baby I know. :P It might sound impossible, but he’s even cuter than Xiao-Yu is.

9. Thank you for doing this Q&A! Was Xiao Yu always part of the story? (Ilhim so much!!)

He was! I always wanted Wangxian to experience parenthood together, so Xiao-Yu’s entry was planned long before he actually appeared in the fic.

10. how did you deal with any writers block that came up?

By reading comments!! I have all of you to thank for that <3<3!!!!!!

11. What was the process for plotting each arc of tmaaf? & when did you decide on what the storyline was going to be? Did you know when you started or did you incorporate stuff as you wrote?

I hashed out the whole plot at once sometime last May, and that was when I laid down the rough storyline. The overall plot was finalized by the time chapter 18 went up, though I did add further details as I went along. In particular, the mini-arc of Wei Wuxian investigating the Yangshuo plague was mostly written on the fly.

12. how long have you been planning the wen qing lang xiyan reveal? has it been something set in stone from the start?

I’ve been planning it since last April, though the exact circumstances weren’t clear until around August or September. Originally, Jiang Cheng was going to ask “Lang Xiyan” to marry him after her mourning period was over, only for her to reveal herself as Wen Qing before accepting, but I soon realized that this wouldn’t fit either of their characters. Wen Ning recognizing her was the only way the reveal made sense (both emotionally and logically) so I had to find a reason to bring him to Yunmeng at exactly the right time.

13. I just want to ask two little things (well three). Where we will be able to read the wedding of baby Zizhen and A-Qing? Will there be Chengqing? And with the last question, if it's yes, will you write a one shot, drabble or something like that?? 🥺🥺🥺

I’m going to post a 51st chapter to TMAAF with the Zhenqing wedding as an epilogue, and Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing are married by then! Wen Qing will most likely be getting a fic of her own, focusing on the time between her revival and her engagement to Jiang Cheng.

14. I just finished reading your fic and let me tell you it's one of the best I have ever had the pleasure to read :) For someone who wants to start writing, how did you start the story? Did you wrote everything with a little scheme or you just leave your brain to work in the document?

I wasn’t planning to write fic for MDZS/CQL at all, and then I randomly ended up outlining, drafting, and posting the first chapter of TMAAF within the span of around two hours. When starting a story, I think it works best for me to just let my brain work in the document without worrying too much about how it might turn out--outlines and schemes tend to come later, after I’ve gotten a feel for how the characters act and laid down some dead-basic worldbuilding.

If you’re just starting out, make sure you’re having fun and that everything you write is as self-indulgent as possible! Enjoying the process is the most important thing, worrying about all the specifics can come later. <3

#wangxian #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #twelve moons and a fortnight #q&a #asks

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ya-girl-kitty · 4 years

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Hey! So I really like those list headcannons of really stupid stuff so I decided to make one for the first time and I also drew pictures!

That being said if you find any grammar errors or things that don’t make sense pls comment. Or if you read it and actually liked it? Again, first time writing for fun and I’ll write things that make sense in my head but not to anyone else so my brain skips over it when editing because I’ve got big adhd brain.

What The Brother’s Bags Look Like:

BELPHIE:

he has one of those puffy mom purses with an interchangeable fabric “shell”. He has it because it fits what he needs whenever he goes out and it doubles as a pillow in a quick snap.

It’s good for when he’s in public with someone and he just lies his bag on the table y’all are sitting at and rests his head to take a nap.

He has had it soo long that he doesn’t remember how he got it but it must have been a gift because he wouldn’t buy it for himself, but he can’t deny it’s nice having everything you need organized and it’s not like he goes out very often, sooo....

Levi sewed him a shell cover as a gift out of some old leftover fabric a while back. It used to be denim because he didn’t realize he could remove it.

BEEL:

He’s got a big duffel bag for his sports things

It’s got the all the sports essentials; deodorant, water bottle, jersey, protective gear, an entire meatball (eyeball?) sub sandwich. You know, for a quick pick-me-up!

It smell like BO. No, wait... BBQ.... it smells like barbecue sauce. Why? Because something spilled. It was a while back and he got the stain up but not the smell. He puts those little gym bag deodorizer balls in his bag but it’s persistent. He can’t say he doesn’t kind of like it tho.

Always carries it to where he accidentally hits people with it when it’s at full capacity. Since everyone is shorter than him he often hits people right in the chest or stomach. Sweet boy has no sense of others in his surroundings. Have you ever gotten the wind knocked out of you by a bag with a dumbell in it? That shiz bruses.

ASMO:

It’s a small Louis Vuitton bag and dispite being the size of a wallet it was hella expensive, hell, it even smells expensive but that’s probably because he uses some sort of leather conditioner on it.

It barely holds a condom and a dream but that doesn’t stop him from it being his most used daily bag.

Probably has a small collection in a rainbow of colors of designer handbags that he has on rotation and wouldn’t be caught DEAD with what his other brother use like Satan’s fugly old-ass backpack 🤢 none-the-less his little white cross body is his favorite

Always complains about the size of it but when he’s asked why he didn’t just get one of his bigger bags he gets defensive and asks why would he when this one goes perfectly with his outfit?

SATAN:

It’s just as ugly and functional as his outfit.

His backpack is BIG and HEAVY with all those books; it’s a wonder that it hasn’t busted a hole from how much and how frequently he overloads it from the bookstore and library.

Smells like stale crackers? Mildew? You can’t quit put your finger on it although you suppose it’s that old paper smell. It definitely needs a good soak in some oxi-clean because you saw an older photo with him wearing it and it’s basically gray now.

He looks like a dork with it on and he knows he looks like a dork but it’s just so useful! Why would he get rid of something that still serves it’s purpose and serves it well! Don’t mock him! He angy boi but he’s also sensitive.

LEVI:

It’s from an anime convention, naturally. This one in particular that he’s currently using he won’t say he just gets all quite and blushy because he’s embarrassed yet he still wears it?

He has a bunch of these shitty little drawstring bags from all sorts of events. You get the impression that he’s never had a real bag for his things, for school or otherwise and when one inevitably breaks he just pulls out a new one from his room... What the hell is “Sakura con?”

They all smell like plastic and it’s overwhelming. The smell never wanes with time and use. Levi is blind to it but it makes you sick when you’re around it so he ends up just storing them and carrying his things, other than his wallet and keys in his pocket, when necessary.

MAMMON:

It’s Versace. It’s tacky. It’s expensive. It’s a freaking fanny pack or “bum bag” if you’re European. Whatever you call it, it’s ridiculous.

He keeps his wallet and goldie, a burner phone, and a freaking flask in there. Nothing else.

Is it healthy to keep that crap on him all the time? No. Does he care? Not really because booze is a social lubricant and he’ll give others a sip to relax those he is going to scam so it’s just about convenience. It’s a good business practice, really.

It does smell like demonus. Only a little because the flask isn’t airtight. That being said, when you first met him and he smelled faintly like alcohol constantly, it worried you. When he gave you his explanation anyone would have thought he was fibbing if he wasn’t, ironically enough, a really bad liar.

LUCIFER:

It’s a briefcase and a nice one at that. Handmade, custom, engraved with his name on the inside. He has to look good after all. For Diavo- I mean, for the sake of his pride.

Oh my gosh it has such a nice smell. He keeps some colone in there for his longer work day in order to keep fresh. It smells oaky, like whiskey mixed with that old leather smell.

You’ve never seen what’s fully inside it but you got a glimpse once and it was surprisingly messy? Not like Satan’s dirty backpack but, like, there were a lot of things in there; folders with papers, an over-stuffed pen case, an extra tie and a snack bar? It must have been after one of his all-nighters but the disarray of the content of his bag was the only thing that showed it.

His briefcase has to be some sort of metaphor for his emotions or life or something, you think to yourself. Super nice and well-kept on the outside but an unmanageable mess on the inside.

I had a file oopsie and I didn’t properly save the completed picture with all of them because I drew them on the same page so I had to do some screen-shot bs so if you tap on them to look closer and they still look like pixelated garbage, that’s why.

Anyway, if you read it and liked it gimme some ideas on what to draw next :) <3 I will literally do anything because i have artists block and no ideas lol

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untilspringdays · 4 years

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Catalyst Chapter 5: Meeting

Summary: You were the catalyst, the start of it all. They would have found each other eventually but you brought them together sooner, faster than expected. Then you vanished from their lives and they were determined to get you back.

Pairings: OT7 x Reader

Genre: Mafia AU | Angst, Fluff, Smut (Eventually)

Warnings (This chapter): Angst, Swearing, Panic

A/N: Sorry this took so long! I hope you understand considering the state of things right now. I’m an essential worker so that has been filling my time. I’m glad I still am making progress on my stories tho.

Word Count: 3k

Previous || Master List || Next

Taglist:@jooheonbee @s-noir @asifetch7 @crackhead1-800 @softescapism (Ask, Comment, or Message me to be added!)((If I missed you I’m sorry))

Stressed… Angry… Confused.. Worried.. Anxious.. You didn’t know which one you were feeling the most. It was overwhelming to say the least. You sat in your side chair, your hands pressed to your forehead. Your leg bouncing slightly as your anxiety ate at you.

You let out a deep sigh, dragging your hands down your face, your gaze turning to the unconscious figure laying on your too small couch. Your anxiety changing to concern at seeing his bandaged figure.

It took major effort on your part to carry the bleeding man back to your apartment, and not get caught in the process. With where you were at? The police had a little control and could easily arrest you just for being near a bleeding Hoseok. Not to mention once they learned who he was they would easily take you down with him, but BTS wouldn’t get you out like they would get Hobi out.

Your personal doctor confirmed that he would be fine but wasn’t sure when he would wake up. He had sustained a lot of damage, it would take time for his body to heal. You didn’t have any way to contact the rest of BTS to come collect their Drug lord, and you hadn’t seen Jimin since the talk the three of you had the other day.

Another sigh escaped you. You didn’t know what you were going to do about this situation. Dull eyes stayed on the slumbering figure, as your mind raced with different ideas. You didn’t want to leave him alone in case something happened but you couldn’t just sit here the whole time waiting for him to wake up. You had to do something..

Running a hand through your hair, you stood. You grabbed your jacket off the back of the couch before heading out the door. Letting it fall shut behind you.

✦

It didn’t take long to reach your destination, considering it was just around the corner. Lain’s big grin greeted you as soon as you stepped into the underground area. You watched as it fell as he took in your ragged appearance: dark circles under your eyes, hair not as clean as it normally was.

The tall man approached you, concern was clear on his face. He took your face in his hands looking over you for a second checking for any damage that might have been on your face or body. “What happened King?” Lain asked.

You let out a small sigh, pulling away from his grasp, eyes falling to somewhere that wasn’t him. “BTS happened..” You put simply. “Where is Mason?” You asked trying to go around him not wanting to listen to whatever came out of the older man's mouth next.

You nearly made it around him due to him being frozen in his spot before his large hand grabbed your shoulder stopping you in your tracks.

“What do you mean BTS happened?” He asked, his voice stern.

You turned to look at him, eyes falling on his face. While he may have looked composed, you could tell Lain was pissed just because you knew him for a long time. “Jimin found me out, He approached me in the bookstore, but that isn’t the issue right now.”

“Then what is the issue?” Lain’s grip tightened on your shoulder, just showing up how serious that this situation was to him.

“The issue is, Jimin ended up trying to help me and because of that Hoseok found out about me. Well the two told me they wouldn’t bring me up to the rest but the other day Hobi found me… and…” You couldn’t continue for a moment. You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes. You clenched your teeth trying to fight them, trying to keep them from spilling..

You sniffled, your voice becoming shaky. “He was hurt… And I was so scared…” You said still fighting back the tears. “At first I wanted to leave him there after what happened, but I just couldn’t!”

Lain’s irritation turned to concern as soon as he saw you struggling with your emotions on the situation. It didn’t take a genius to know that you were holding this all in lately. The tall man pulled you closer to him, ignoring the looks other patrons were giving the two of you. “Where is Hoseok now? Is he okay? Most importantly are you okay? Is anyone after you?”

You rubbed your eyes trying to get rid of the tears that were trying to boil over. “He..” You sniffed. “He is back at my apartment. Doc said he would be okay but he hasn’t woken up yet.. I don’t think anyone followed us there since it's been a few days but… I can’t just keep him there.. I need to get in contact with BTS.. You and Mason are the only ones I can think of that would know how to get into contact with them.”

Lain wrapped his arm over your shoulders before guiding you to the office the two men shared in the arena. Mason stood inside, his hands planted on the desk, his gaze falling to the two figures that just walked into the office.

His questioning gaze falling to something darker as soon as he recognized the two of you. “What happened?” His tone was plain, and cold.

“Hoseok and Jimin know she is alive, J-Hope went to her when he was critical and now she needs to get in contact with them.” Lain said bluntly.

You could feel Mason’s gaze on you. “No.” He said simply before returning to what he was doing moments before the two of you came in.

You stepped forward, out of Lain’s comfort. “What do you mean no? You were the one that allowed Jimin to watch the arena while you were out? Now you don’t want me in contact with them?”

Mason’s glare snapped back up to you. “I had no choice! BTS was pressing on our border since the whole thing with EXO a while back so I had to make things even again to keep our little space safe! Even with my power there is only so much I can do against mafia’s like that!” His words coming out in a growl.

“Still you put me at risk without my knowledge and look where I ended up Mason! I have an issue that needs to be fixed and I know for certain neither of you can do it because if you did then EXO or some other Mafia would see it as you forming a bond with BTS.” You stepped closer to the taller male on the other side of the desk. You knew he was stronger than you, better than you in every way but you weren’t going to back down from this. “This is my issue and for once I want to fix it, you always say to face my shit problems and now you don’t want me to? What do you want then?”

“I don’t want one of my best fighters killed!” Mason yelled right back. The two of you are basically ready to go for each other's throats at this point.

Lain stepped up, his towering figure causing you both to turn your attention to the blond man. “Mason, if she wants to do this we can’t stop her. It’s better for her to do it safely with our help instead of her running into mafia territory where she would most likely be killed.” The older man pointed out to his younger partner. “Besides if she gets in direct contact with the leaders, I doubt Jimin would let anything happen to her.”

You could see Mason thinking, his gray gaze remained locked on Lain before he dropped it and closed his eyes. “Fine.” He growled again, one of his hands coming up to wave the two of you back.

You watched the dark haired man stand up straight, looking at you. “If something happens just know we can’t help you again. You screw up, then you are gone for good.” He warned. He ran a hand through his hair, stopping to rub the back of his head for a moment before it fell to his side.

“I can get you in contact with Suga. He will meet with you on the edge of the territory. I won’t let him know it’s you, to him it will just seem like another deal between our mess and his. Which kind of will be. It up to you to not fuck us over, and keep yourself safe.” The arena leader let out his own sigh, as he was coming to realize how fucked up this situation was.

He opened his desk before pulling out a clear burner phone. You watched as he dialed a number before pressing the phone to his ear. Only a few words were exchanged between him and whoever was on the other side. If it was Yoongi or not you didn’t know.

You could start to feel fear eat at you from having this set up but you couldn’t let it win no matter how afraid you were. This was the best choice for everyone. After this you could get back to your life, and Hobi could get the help and care he actually needs.

You tried your best to listen to the conversation but you just couldn’t focus on it. Only picking up a word here and there. All of it just sounded like a bland and normal conversation but you knew it was some sort of code set up. You never knew who was listening.

After the conversation was over, you watched as Mason scribbled down the meeting time and meeting point on a small scrap of paper before handing it to you. “Remember, don’t fuck it up.” He said to you. “Now get out of my office, I have shit to do.” He waved you away again, trying to get back to his work.

“Thank you.” You said simply to him.

The arena leader paused then sighed. “Yeah yeah..” You knew he cared despite his harsh words.

✦

Despite having a lot of time to prepare yourself for this meeting, you couldn’t help the mounting anxiety. You stepped out of your building afraid of what tonight was going to bring.

It didn’t take long to arrive at the location, considering it was where both the neutral territory and BTS territory met, and the fact that neutral territory was small. Small enough not to hinder any of the groups getting what they wanted.

The location was shabby.. Well most of the neutral area was run down looking. It was dark out making the area a lot creepier than you knew it was. You understood the risk of being out here at this time of night but at the same time, to the people around here, you were King. A somewhat famous fighter that can and will tear down anyone in her way.

To other people who didn’t know King? You were a scared girl, highly traumatized by a past incident. Someone quiet who just ran a bookstore to make a meager living. Which one was the real you? You weren’t so sure anymore.

Besides the run down state of the area, you also noticed no one was there.. Which was a little understandable.. Yoongi never really showed up right on time.

A simple sound caught your attention for a moment, your gaze flicking over to the spot where it was. You knew it was nothing to worry about. This location wasn’t exactly the hang out spot for anyone that wandered into neutral territory. Hopefully Yoongi would show up soon, because all you wanted to do was go back to your apartment and sleep.

This was taking too long in your opinion, despite your phone only telling you it had been a few minutes. Maybe it was because your anxiety was getting the better of you no matter how much you tried to calm yourself.

Your gaze fell right as you let out a deep sigh. Only to have your fear spike up right in that moment because as soon as you tried to straighten out, a knife was pressed to your neck. The edge of the knife digging into your skin enough to cause a familiar sting.

Your hands instantly shot up grabbing whoever's arm was pressing the knife into your throat. You tugged trying to get free but whoever it was had a lot more strength than you, and your fear wasn’t helping in the slightest.

You gulped heavily only sending more pain through your system as your throat flexed against the knife. Your mouth opened slightly as you attempted to formulate words to speak but he beat you to it.

“Who are you? And why are you here in place of Mason?” He asked, his voice low and threatening.

You remained frozen for a second, fear coursing through your veins. “I…” You didn’t want to give yourself away, but at this point either option would most likely cost you your life. “It’s... It’s me.. Yoongs…” Your voice was shaky and quiet.

He pressed his knife harder. “Who?”

Did he not recognize you? You… Shit… Jimin wasn’t here to help you out this time. Jimin wasn’t here to defend you against any of them. Hobi was knocked out on your couch with various wounds..

You could feel tears welling up in your eyes once again. This was all too much.. Facing your past.. Hobi.. Jimin not being around the past while.. Your fear… Why did you put yourself in this situation? Why couldn’t you just wait for Hobi to get better and go back on his own?

Your fingertips dug tightly into Yoongi’s arm as your body trembled. “I.. It’s Y/N..”

His grip tightened on you. Obviously he didn’t accept your answer. “She has been dead a long time now. Who are you really?”

Shock filled your system, but you should have expected it considering what Hoseok and Jimin told you the other day.. All of the older members believed you to be dead.

“It really is me!” You cried out in your weak voice. “I’m alive. I promise you Yoongs it is me..” Your whole body trembled now. Fear for your life only growing by the second.

He shook your body, jarring you for a second, his anger getting more and more apparent by the second. “If you really are her then prove it.”

Prove it? You didn’t know how to prove it.. Yeah there were some things you knew that a lot of others wouldn’t but some shared in that knowledge too. You couldn’t simply proclaim that Jimin knew you because you were sure many others tried to make that claim. You couldn’t say that their leader’s real name was Namjoon because there were many theories out there on who BTS’ leader was and Namjoon was a name that appeared in many conspiracy theories. What was something only you and Yoongi would share?

“If you don’t speak up soon then consider yourself dead.” He warned with a growl.

Shit you were running out of time. What could you do? What the fuck were you going to say?

“You… I..” You stuttered out, panic consuming you as you rushed to figure out something to say. Pressure being added to the knife second by second.

“I call you lil meow meow when we are alone! You act like you hate it but I know you actually like it sometimes!” You shouted out, the knife being removed the second the last word left your mouth.

You took in a sharp breath, a hand coming up to rub the spot on your neck where the knife was pressed in. A sharp pain coursed through your body as soon as the rough skin on your hand made contact with the cut, causing you to pull your hand away just to see there was blood on your hand..

With a heaving chest, you turned around to see a wide eyed Yoongi staring at you. His gaze was focused on you as he took in every feature of your person, trying to see under the numerous scars and the change in your hair.

“You..” His voice fell to the usual soft tone you normally knew. “You are alive.. It really is you.” He didn’t make any move to pull you close or hug you, not like some of the more affectionate members did. More so taking in the fact that you were there, really there in front of him.

“Have… Have you been with Mason this whole time?” You nodded. “Why didn’t you come back to us sooner? Or make yourself known.. Goodness if Hoseok knew you were alive.. If only he wasn’t missing right now..” You could hear the sadness in his voice but as much as you wanted to sit down and tell the whole story again for the third time. You couldn’t. At least not right now. Him mentioning his brother reminded you of why you were here, and the real care Hobi actually needed.

“That is actually why I’m here..” His gaze turned curious, and concerned.

He stepped closer to you but not getting into your personal space. “You know where Hoseok is?”

You could tell he wanted to ask more questions but that would only delay your answer even more. “He is at my apartment.. He is badly hurt but he will be okay after a while..”

You could see the relief in the older’s eyes despite his stoic form. “That’s good then. He can stay with you.”

You flinched back slightly. “Actually he can’t.. I can’t take care of him properly.. There is too much I have to do and I can’t keep an eye on him as often as necessary.” It was a bullshit excuse. You had time, but your mental stability couldn’t handle it. Not to mention you wanted to be as far away from BTS as possible.

“That’s fine.. Me and Joon can come get him, or you and I can take him to Base.” Yoongi stated simply.

Fear was creeping up your spine again. “I can’t let you do that either. I would prefer if no one else knew I was alive.”

Yoongi creased his eyebrows, looking at you with confusion. “Why? I can’t keep something like that from them. They deserve to know.”

“Like I said, I will explain later but for right now I need you to lie to them, or something.. Please Yoongi.. I can’t have them knowing.”

Yoongi stared at you for a moment, trying to figure out exactly why you wanted to hide your existence from them. He shook his head before answering. “No. I won’t lie to them. It will only divide us further, and since you won’t explain my answer will remain so what do you want to do?” His voice was becoming firm.

You shook your head. There was no getting through to him was there?

“BTS was the one who wanted me dead.. One of the seven wanted to kill me and failed and I have been hiding ever since.” You stated quietly but not enough so Yoongi could still hear you.

“And before you say I’m lying.. I’m not. You know the guy that works for you that King put in the hospital last week? That was the one who attempted to kill me.”

“So you are saying one of the other six wanted you dead?” You nodded. “I don’t think it was us.. But it is concerning considering that man was the one who did it.. He is a part of our inner ring..” He could understand your fear but still…

“I still won’t do it. I don’t believe that any of us would want you dead. Not Hoseok, not Joon, not any of us. So your choice still stands. You help me bring him to the base and reveal yourself on your own terms.”

You froze rooted in your spot, fear overcoming you once again. You knew what was next.

“Or you refuse, and we come to your apartment against your say.” Now that he knew you were with Mason, it wouldn’t be hard for them to find your apartment. What were you going to do?

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katieeebugzz · 3 years

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6/20/21 12:34am

i have came to the conclusion i’m very attractive yet no one likes me

it’s been over a month since i actually posted lmao. also, HAPPY PRIDE !! ILY NO MATTER WHO YOU WANT TO BE OR WHAT TO KISS !! YOURE AMAZING NO MATTER WHAT !! <3

now, about the waffle house date, turns out he didn’t actually like me. it was just a “friend hang out” which i’m not mad about, he atleast thought about me. but the idea that i liked him for months and got turned down kinda stings. anyways, i have moved on though which is good.

though my life isn’t as busy as it used to be (i mean i am busy but you get it), shit has still been happening. one of my old friends had a graduation party at his house. so ofc i was going to go and hang out. i drive over there and we played games and went out of town to go bowling and all sorts of stuff.

i showed up at around 3-4 to say hi to everyone there like his family and some mutual friends and we left an hour or two later to go to the bowling alley. around the end, my friend who was hosting the party came up to me and asked if i wanted to bowl with him (some of the people left so 1 of the 3 lanes were open). so me and him would mess around and bowl and then we left. later that night around like 9-10 we were back at his house and you could tell he was drunk. we all were drinking, but he downed half a bottle of vodka and took 5 shots within the first 30 minutes of us being back at his house. later that night, i was talking to one of our friends and i heard him call my name from across the house. when i walked to him, he pulled me down on the couch and made me pet the dog with him. after a minute or two of silence he looks at me and tells me how much he’s liked me and how badly he wanted to date me.

the next day when he wasn’t as hungover i told him i liked him too.

a couple days of texting each other, he wanted me to hang out with him. so i drove to his house and we played games on his pc until late at night. more and more we started to talk and the more i got attached.

yesterday, i went over to his house to hang out once again, and he decided to watch a movie together. he snuggled up next to me and put his arm around me. we sat there and talked and messed with each other more than we actually watched the movie. later on while we were still snuggled up together, we ended up talking about his ex.

he’s dated his ex for 2 years but they were on and off the whole time. he texted me that they broke up 7 times within those 2 years, but they planned on possibly working it all out.

after he brought her up, i realized that even tho he had feelings for me and “wanted to date me” as he stated many times, i’d still be the runner up to his ex. this has put me back inside my little shell and i’ve been devastated ever since. yes, we both enjoyed snuggling up to each other, but i don’t want to be on the back burner when they get back together or be runner up. i want to be the only one you think about all day and night. when he told me he had sleep paralysis almost every night, i cuddled a blanket pretending it was him so i could say i helped him sleep one night. that’s what i want!

now all i’ve thought about today was how tall he was next to me. how when he fist bumped me his hand would be way bigger than mine. when i said something funny his dimples would show, and even tho he said he hated them i found them amazing. and how when he would jump only a certain amount of his hair would move cause it was fluffier in the front than the back. and how when he would lean on car, his arms would flex a little bit and you could see his muscles. and how he says he not ticklish but when u mess with his legs and feet he’ll start laughing like a little kid. and how caring he is, when is say i was a little chilly and he’d go across the room or house to grab me a certain blanket; it always being his favorite one. and how he accidentally spilled aftershave on himself and he smelled like a rich strong cologne all evening.

i’ve had these feelings for him since last year and i just noticed all the small things that make him him.

i think i’ll all blow over soon, but i really wish he went for me instead.

anyways that was my past month, have a good night and drink water pls <3

have a good nights rest,

katie

#lol #blog #blog post #college #lifestyle blog #i really like him #i’m sleepy #im tired #i wish he knew #i wish he picked me #i’m lowkey sad #summer #summer blog #happy pride 🌈

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damienthepious · 4 years

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sorry I don’t have more Scattered for y’all this week! but, see, i finally moved out of my terrible living situation uhhh yesterday so things are a bit hectic at the moment. hopefully next week? wish me luck y’all. IN THE MEANTIME, THO. An au that’s been stuck in my head for a while, that i realized i could chapter out to encourage myself to work on it more. hope y’all enjoy?

thorns that burst from my skull in the night (chapter 1)

[ao3] [ch 2] [ch 3] [???]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Lord Arum, The Keep, Sir Damien, Rilla

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday, Canon Compliant, Prophetic Dreams, Alternate Universe, canon typical Arum ignoring feelings, (very mild suicidal ideation or at least. canon typical arum being reckless with his own life)

Summary: Arum has always seen glimpses of the future in his dreams. This gift is sometimes useful, but more often than not it leaves him with more questions than answers. The dreams of the flowers are particularly unhelpful.

Notes: I've had this one on the back burner for a while, but I moved into a new apartment literally yesterday, everything is a mess, and I did NOT have time to write a proper chapter of my current in-progress WiP, so here's the first part of something new! because that's always a good idea what the heck. Title from the song Pyrrhic Victory by Minimall.

Arum dreams a garden. It is the reoccurring dream the lizard Lord wakes from most often. Wakes gently, which is an interesting change from the vast majority of his prophetic dreams.

It is more abstract than his augury usually is, a flurry of soft petals, a distant singing, and the twang of- something. Something he cannot place. Elements of the dream rise and fade as it reoccurs, dragging out between years as it becomes just another part of his life. At times it comes with the distinct clash of steel, at others he hears a second voice join the song, and still again he feels either a frighteningly delicate touch, or the bite of manacles at all four of his wrists.

It bodes ill, Arum thinks. Flowers and song, and softness, it must either be a metaphor or an outright lie, and neither option puts him at ease. Even laced with the more ordinary threat of restriction and weaponry, he does not trust any of it.

He barters his services in exchange for access to the libraries of monsters he knows have an interest in botany, digs through tomes and guides until he can identify the other two of the three flowers from his dreams. The first he needs no assistance with; it is him. Always him, though it vacillates between the delicacy of the arum lily and the imposing spire of the titan arum. The other two, he finds with relative ease.

Honeysuckle, and amaryllis.

There is no direct connection between them, botanically speaking. They are unrelated entirely. They do not even grow in the same places, which is worrying because it indicates that this dream is almost certainly symbolic, and Arum abhors dealing in symbolism. It utterly undermines what little usefulness there is in his limited gift when he needs to wade through interpretation to find any actionable information in his prophecy.

He grits his teeth through his research into flower symbolism. It is almost entirely useless. Most flowers seem to have a wild array of meaning attributed to them, sometimes with ideas that entirely oppose one another. Amaryllis consistently seems to carry connotations of pride and determination, which Arum does not find distasteful, but it also means radiant beauty, which Arum could not care less about. Honeysuckle is more worrying; the meanings are all so soft. Happiness, devotion, affection, generosity, bonds of love-

Saccharine sentimentality, and selflessness. Nothing a monster should do anything but sneer at.

Another version of the dream arises around this time. He sees himself as he was in youth, the smallest of reptilian whelps, sees himself curled and sleeping in the throat of a flower, something not uncommon even in his adulthood. However, this time the flower in question is a beautiful and over-sized amaryllis bloom, with the other version of himself clutching to the pistil, the entire scene infused with relief and restfulness and safety. Arum wakes and feels hollow, that morning. Feels cool, feels uncertain, feels irritated with himself and his augury before he shakes the softness and rises to work.

That one of the flowers is arum, is Arum himself, concerns him further. If one of the three represents him, it raises the possibility that the other flowers represent someone else as well. Two different someones, likely.

He plants each of the strange flowers in his greenhouse. It is an act of defiance, of course, an act meant to rob the prophesy of any power it might otherwise have. He makes the symbol into something literal, something he can brew into a poison or a tea, depending, something he can touch outside of his dreams.

There, he thinks viciously, tending to the plants as they grow, pruning and fertilizing and brushing his knuckles soft down vibrant leaves. There. This mildest of prophesies is fulfilled. Here the flowers will be, and then the dream needs haunt me no more.

The honeysuckle blooms first. It fills the greenhouse with the scent of subtle sweetness, and when Arum places a flower on his tongue it tastes like a loose sunbeam, it smells precisely as soft as all of its adjacent symbolism, it makes him feel-

Well. It doesn’t matter. It is only a flower, after all.

The amaryllis are slower, but the blooms come just as wild in their time. They could be useful, he thinks, for brewing certain poisons, but he does not pluck a single flower. He could not explain why. He does not want to break any of those stems, and so he does not. It is enough of a reason in itself.

The dreams, of course, do not cease. The do soften, however. They come less often, but now the scent is more real in his dreaming snout, the sunbeam flavor filling his mouth until he could drown in it, but at least it is no longer a suffering of every single night. He may forget it, for days at a time.

He does not forget it. He could, he thinks. But he does not.

He hardly has time to worry over the matter anymore, anyway. His hard work and spotless reputation as an architect have (despite his other reputation as rather difficult to work with) gleaned him some arguably fortunate attention. Arguable, because while the eye of the Senate may be beneficial to him eventually, may earn him some protections or benefits he could not even predict, they are also powerful enough to threaten even Arum’s territory. If their attention turns sour, if they are unhappy with the results he produces (highly unlikely, his skill is unmatched), the repercussions could be severe.

The work is difficult. Demanding. It leaves little time for sleep, which allows him to avoid the dreams entirely, both those concerning his blooms and the other more troubling ones besides.

(cavern dark and wet, no magic here, only blight, only threat, only steel and mud and hatred and fear so sharp it curdles in the air)

(wilting song, wilting song)

(squalling of hundreds, his denizens, his charges, afraid afraid afraid and ready, as any animal, to bite back)

(weight unbalances, and so from the scale you must be)

Context. If the dreams gave even a hint of context he could use the information, but as it stands-

Arum works. The Keep works with him. They need be tireless, they need work beyond their means. He finds the Moonlit Hermit (another flower of which he has dreamed relentlessly, though at least those dreams had some use) and the work is easier, then, if no less time consuming. He must continue until the Senate is satisfied, or-

(wilting song, wilting song)

Or who knows what they may do to his home. He is relentless. He creates. He ceases to take satisfaction in this work. There is no time for that, and the weapons that the Senate demands are cruel in a way that Arum finds distasteful, regardless. There is skill in the work, of course, but Arum is diligent, and he samples his own poisons in safe quantity, and he knows what these things will do, to whomever the Senate turns them upon.

Arum does what he must. It was never his desire to make a crueler world, but-

But there is a war on. His desires pale in the shadow of it.

(the moment the first stone was thrown)

He dreams the Citadel, which is almost certainly the worst of portents thus far. It is an augury that makes sense more quickly than is typical. If his newest project can be coerced into doing as he intends, if he can manipulate them to grow fast enough to please the Senate, the resulting creature will require a tether. A focus. A direction in which to aim its ire, and that will mean-

Infiltration.

He wrinkles his snout in distaste at the idea, and the feeling of human-carved stone under his claws echoes back out from the dream. He is going to have to infiltrate personally, perform the task on his own. If he asks the Senate to find another to seek what he requires for his work, it will show too much weakness. He has no choice. He is running out of time to give the Senate what they desire, and his Keep is (wilting song) ill. And quickly becoming more so. He has no time. He has no choice. He must end this employment so he may turn his attention inward, so he may fulfill his deepest purpose.

He sharpens all his knives, and he does not sleep the night before he journeys out.

Perhaps this is foolish. His dreaming could give him some hint of danger, could allow him to see the troubles he may face, but he cannot stand relying on them, and he does not wish to attempt this reckless heist with the scent of flowers stuffed into his snout. If he fails, it will certainly be death, one way or another. He is willing to face that without debasing himself to the capriciousness of the dreams.

He will realize, later, that even if he had slept, the dreams would have only shown him the same as they had been showing for years.

Arum, and honeysuckle, and amaryllis.

#elle's fanfic #the penumbra podcast #second citadel #rad bouquet #lizard kissin' tuesday #lord arum #the keep #also the phrase ''arum dreams a garden'' has been stuck in my head since this au spawned #bless #oneiromancy au

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beachbabywrites · 6 years

Text

Anya // A Natasha Romanoff imagine

Valentine’s Request 14/?

REQUEST: So this idea just came to me with Natasha x reader x wine and i couldnt resist. Natasha and the R slept together while being on the Avengers, right, and after a couple of weeks Nat decides to quit the team and live a normal life for awhile, no S.h.i.e.l.d and all. Even tho they had feelings. After like 2, 5 years the R meets Natasha in the shop and theres a toddler right by her side. The R is a fem, please, she has magic hands yeeah😂❤ - @chonisbestmistake

"I'm a goddess, what can I say?" You whispered against pale flesh. A heartbeat thundered under your lips, your hands caressed soft skin.

"I've never believed in myths." The woman under you whispered before she wrestled you onto your back. With one hand she held both of your wrists above your head, her free hand teased with intent til you groaned. She pulled away, a smirk on her face as she crawled off the bed, turning to a dresser.

"How can you call me a myth when I'm sitting right here? I've seen centuries of humanity denying my existence but never to my face." You sat up, back against the headboard.

"Wanda can move things with her mind. Is she a goddess? Am I a goddess of war? Chaos? Despair? I don't believe in gods. Superhumans, yes. There's something about them to believe in." You tilted your head to the side, she turned abruptly, the look on her face told you the conversation was over and she had something else on her mind.

"No one's heard from Natasha in days. Have you gotten any word from her? -S" You stared at the phone screen, your heart couldn't decide if it wanted to stop altogether or race away. Taking a deep breath, you answered.

"Not in a couple days. Have you tried asking Clint?"

Waiting for the little 'ding!' of an incoming text was proving to be more exhausting as the hour moved on. You paced the room, you paced to the kitchen and back. You checked the burner, you checked your personal. Nothing new.

Your answer wouldn't come for four more days, days you spent worrying, checking with agents who had worked alongside Romanoff, checking to see when her last mission was. No one had an answer for you before then, 'it was so abrupt, so out of the blue!' and 'I think her identity was blown, someone from her past showed up.' were both whispered to you on separate hallways. No one knew when her last mission was, no one knew if this was her last mission. That is until you got the email from Deputy Director Hill forwarded to you by a trusted companion.

"Agent Romanoff turned in her signed resignation letter on the 11th of this month. The reasoning is unclear. She has requested that she not be contacted."

You didn't believe it. Natasha wasn't the kind to retire, she had told you one night that the Avenger's was her only place in the world, she didn't have a backup plan if it all ended.

You showed up at her apartment and tried your key. It didn't fit the lock anymore. You pulled a bobby pin out of your pocketbook and when the door fell open you couldn't find it in you to enter the apartment. It was all different. The white couch with a wine stain was now yellow with green and red stripes. The Monet painting that hung next to her bookshelf was gone, a flat-screen replacing it. The place was empty, no food in the cabinets or fridge, no books on the shelf, no magazines on the coffee table. Her bed was stripped and clothes gone. It was like she scrubbed every bit of Natasha away from the apartment.

In your own home, you checked the drawer you had given her to keep her things in and to your astonishment it was empty too. You wondered how long it had been empty, had she been here just days ago to take her things back and leave? Or did she take them when she first left?

That night -and the next and the next- your chest felt cold and your bed, hollow. Or was it the other way around? You weren't sure anymore.

Agitation crawled under your skin, anxiety surfaced as anger and anger ate away at your sleep for many nights, soon turning to a deep gray depression. But it didn't stay depression long, no, the anger came back at the one month mark of her vanishing. It was a cycle you didn't know how to control. Your emotions were getting in the way of your work with the Avengers, making you dangerous to take on a mission.

Everyone tiptoed around you, the teammates that used to pick and tease now avoided you if possible if not, they spoke to you like they were comforting a sad child. Steve begged you to take time off, Wanda threw pitiful glances your way. Stark kept you busy.

You envied how Thor could come and go as he pleased, leave this planet and escape to another realm. You had never thought of your exile on Earth as an unbearable condition, not until you couldn't get away from the things that taunted you and reminded you of everything you should have said.

When one night the pain of losing Natasha so unexpectedly seemed to finally dull, you went out with Agent 13 and let her introduce you to a girl who worked at her favorite coffee shop. The girl was nice, her name was Elle, her smile was bright and when you woke up the next morning beside her you almost felt alright again. When she hugged you goodbye your body froze up and your mind stalled. A familiar scent of jasmine and honeysuckle and whiskey and warm nights and wrinkled sheets and red nail polish and quiet whispers flooded your senses. Sharon confronted you a week later and wanted to know why her coffee order was wrong for the first time in the nine years she had been going there.

So you decided you needed closure. To know she was okay. Or that she wasn't. You just needed to know what happened to her.

Agent Barton knew something, you could just tell, the look in his eyes was sympathetic as he wished he could say something before remembering he had an appointment to get to.

Steve knew nothing, but he wouldn't let himself focus on it for too long. "Natasha can take care of herself. If she was in trouble, she would have gotten word to us. I know there was something between you, but don't you think its time to move on? I mean, heal. Let yourself get over it." His kind intentions were ignored and you called the next best spy you knew.

So that's how you ended up in Ely, Nevada in a hotel room, a notebook splayed out in front of you. You'd officially met a dead end. One of Natasha's credit cards registered to an Alina Melnyk had paid for a three-year lease on an apartment building that was no longer standing and then the card was never used again.

You looked out over the small town, wondering if Steve was right. If Natasha had wanted to be found, she would have left a forwarding address, her phone wouldn't have been thrown out.

You picked up your pocketbook and headed outside, a list running through your head of food you needed, wondering how illegal it was to stop and dig up a small cactus from the parking lot of a movie theater.

The white fluorescent lights of the grocery store flickered a bit as you examined the options. You could hear the sound of a child laughing a couple aisles away. She scolded her mommy and laughed louder again and you smiled as you picked up a bag of chips.

You heard the little girl's voice growing louder, coming closer. You turned to watch as her mom pushed the cart by the aisle. She was leaned in close to the little girl, two small hands on her cheeks as the girl babbled on about two cartoonish sounding characters.

"We'll see, Anya, my sweet little chickpea." Her mom assured her and pressed a quick kiss to the girl's forehead.

The 8 dollar bottle of wine in your hands hit the floor, you gasped as you felt the liquid hit your feet.

"I'm so sorry." You rushed out as a woman in a uniform shirt came to ask if you were okay.

It was her.

It wasn't Natasha anymore but it was her.

You headed down the center aisle, your cart was long forgotten as you scanned the store for the red-haired woman. You turned a sharp angle and almost collided with someone else, a mess of apologies were thrown out before both realized who they were apologizing to.

Natasha stood before you, red hair in a bun, bangs covering the little scar above her left eyebrow. She was pale as a ghost and seemed to be frozen.

"Natasha?"

"That's not my name." She answered, but didn't move. The little girl was trying to get her mother's attention, waving wildly. "What are you doing here?" The anger in her voice squashed every bit of the confidence you had when you flew out to Nevada.

"I came looking for you."

"I didn't want you to."

"Natasha-"

"That's not my name." She was never the kind of person to lose her cool, to yell and make a scene, but she was turning red in the face and with every word her voice grew louder. "Will you please get out of the way so I can get through?" When the child asked, 'Matsya, what's wrong?' she pulled her glare from you and softened her gaze as she placed a hand on strawberry blonde curls.

"Nothing is wrong, chickpea. Come on, what do you say we go find you a new flower?" She was talking to you again when she whispered, "Move, now. And go back to New York or so help me-"

Nothing made sense anymore, especially the child. She looked too much like Natasha to be adopted. You wondered if she had left New York and the Avengers and you to start over, to have the family she was told she couldn't have. Her hostility didn't make sense, but what could you expect when you cornered a predator. But what really didn't make sense though, was why she showed up at your hotel door in oversized glasses and a floppy sun hat.

She stayed six steps away at all times, you thought when you opened the door she would hug you. She lifted her arms slightly, her hands clenched and she dropped them by her sides again before asking if you'd speak to her.

"She's yours." Was the first and only thing out of her mouth for about ten minutes. "My neighbor watches her during the day while I'm at the diner."

"She's mine?" You asked, wondering if she thought you were that dense.

"She really is. I hadn't slept with anyone else in the time we were together and after I left I didn't let anyone touch me. I didn't want to risk hurting her."

"Why did you leave?" You asked, fighting back the urge to yell 60 questions at once, all of them starting with why. "You didn't even say goodbye."

"I didn't know what else to do. I did what I thought was best for Anya."

"Anya? Is that her name?" She nodded and pulled a phone out of her oversized tote bag to show you pictures. "Were you pregnant when you left?"

"I was, yes."

"If she's mine, why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?"

"Like I said, I did what I thought was best for my baby. Our baby. The day I found out I heard from one of my W.I.s that a man named Kocera had just gotten his visa approved and I left as soon as I could. He was a horrible man when I knew him in the '90s, a dangerous man. And I had wronged him before. So if he were to find me, what was stopping him from getting even?" The straw hat that Nat held in her hands was being wound and unwound until finally, she threw the hat down on the desk. You felt like you were watching a completely different person; Her mannerisms, her speech pattern, everything about her was different and you understood finally what the agents meant when they told you her specialty was reinventing herself.

"You never even called me."

"I didn't know what to say... You went on dates. I thought it would be unfair for me to send one email out of the blue after two years." You bit your tongue to keep from admitting you spent those two years a shell of who you used to be, pathetically waiting and searching and denying.

"I went on one date. It didn't end well... Natasha, I missed you." The distance between the two of you felt too far, but both of you were scared to move closer.

"You have to understand, I go by Elitsa now. I missed you too. More than you could ever know, especially after my behavior the last few years. Would you like to meet Anya? I think it's about time she meets her mother."

"I'm sorry, but how could she possibly be mine?" You asked, nothing in your history, the history of your people could explain how she would be yours. No stories were passed down from the great grandmother that birthed time, chaos, light and dark that warned you of this.

"You are a goddess aren't you?"

#valentines celebration #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff imagine #marvel #marvel fic #marvel oneshot #marvel imagine #beachbabywrites

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afterjosephine-blog1 · 5 years

Text

victoria pedretti, she/her, cis female ✧*:･ﾟdid you see josephine “jo” walker the twenty-seven (104) year old ghost walking around halloweentown? they’re known as the romantic, makes sense since they tend be quite sentimental & mystical. they work as a florist & (failed) poet and spend a lot of time at halloweentown cemetery listening to what are you doing new year’s eve? by ella fitzgerald. they’ve always reminded me of new flowers on a decaying gravestone, a fallen chandelier in the middle of a mansion. wonder how they’re taking all the disruption in the town. ( may, 19, she/her, est )

triggers: death (she is a ghost), (mass?) murder, suicide

disclaimer: i’m bad at math and figuring out years and ages required a lot more math than i was ready for, so i’m hoping i get my timeline right ! pray for me !

born in 1915 (march 5, 1915 to be more exact - gotta get that chart), josephine’s family (the ‘nickname’ didn’t come in until later) came from generations of money earned and establishment garnered. also i have no clue what i just wrote i’m writing this first bullet last asdfhjl

when she was six, she had her first encounter with the dead or dying. she’d come across a baby bird who’d been pushed out of his nest too early and, unable to find the nest itself, decided she would pick it up and cradle it in her hands until it evidently passed on. it looked at peace.

this is unnecessary information, but it’s good to note.

anyway, if you have the money, why not spend it? when josephine was seven, the walkers moved into a victorian mansion. the patriarch was fully under the belief that he would be the next nathaniel hawthorne –– he wasn’t worried about the family going broke while he forced them to let him focus on his writing, what considering all of the money they had at the time had been simple inheritance from generations of walkers.

(kind of important to note that the victorian era was actually... pretty recent? it ended in 1901 and this is all going down in 1922 so!)

within the mansion, they also has some much needed help –– it came with two butlers, two nannies, two maids, and two groundskeepers. they seldom had any use for the nannies.

there was definitely something off, though, and that ‘off’-ness just kept increasing over time. her mother claimed to hear things. she and her siblings claimed to see things. her father began retreating into himself...

which is why they couldn’t move! he still had work to be done! a great novel doesn’t write itself in one year, silly! they couldn’t leave! he still needed advice!

i don’t want this intro to get super long so we’ll skip ahead about a year. suffice it to say that everyone was still on their bullshit.

in 1925, when josephine and her twin brother were 10, her older sister was 12, and her older brother was 14, her dad full-on “heeeere’s JOHNNY”d them, then killed himself.

josephine and her twin brother (who’ll just be referred to as ‘her brother’ from this point forward) were the lone survivors of the walker family. as 10y/os, they both still fit in plenty of places that their father could never.

that being said, one of the maids had also made it unscathed. an agreement was made: they helped clean up the mess – she just couldn’t handle messes! – she would act as their guardian. josephine knew they were probably doing something wrong by cleaning it all up – cleaning up a whole-ass crime scene that included their family members – before any authorities arrived, but was she in too much shock to argue? maybe so.

after that, there were zero buyers. it was already expensive, but now there’d been a mass murder? who.

considering the maid never left the grounds, this did put her out of work. they still had the walker inheritance to fall back on, something that had been unlocked to josephine and her brother five years later, but that was it.

we’re gonna skip ahead a little bit because this is getting long. all that’s happened of note between now and the next bullet: the maid literally never left the grounds. jo began getting called jo. she tried to go to college using some of the inheritance then dropped out. she trained to become a florist.

throughout the next many years of her life, jo began trying her hand at poetry. she ultimately failed at it, but... some people just really don’t know how to market themselves. even past attempting to truly become one, she continued writing in the hope that she might finally –– after over ten years –– make peace with the massacre.

by the time she was 25, she’d gotten married. by the time she was 25, she’d pushed everything to the back-burner. by the time she was 25, she hadn’t seen or thought of the maid in years. by the time she was 25, she was discussing starting a life with her new husband.

by the tail end of her life at 25, her brother had died.

because this is a wanted connection on the main, i’m going to leave the cause unclear.

just when she thought she’d gotten over everything, as emeril would say, ‘bam!’

her husband and friends tried to be of help, but it got to the ‘beyond’ point when she started seeing her brother

another note: on the wanted connection blurb, i made it utp whether he was ~haunting~ her or if she was just hallucinating, so we also gonna make that unclear!

two years, a divorce, and multiple burned bridges later –– jo thought she finally knew what had to be done to get it to stop. she had ‘rationalized’ it as best as she could. in a lot of lore, ghosts couldn’t move on to the next plane of existence until they’d made peace with something or other. maybe there was something integral about her?

so she greeted the maid who hadn’t aged a day in the past 27 years, then proceeded to hang herself.

this would be kind of bittersweet tragic if it’d actually worked.

instead, this bitch was suddenly just looking at her own body like “FUCK. I REALLY DID THAT FOR NOTHING.” and gained this sick scar that wrung around her neck like the noose had.

the maid was like “i mean ur never gonna have to worry about aging now tho so??”

as it turned out, they were just in the middle of plenty of families who’d gone mad and died in that house... as she had only figured out after she killed herself.

boy, was she mad!

all of this partial humor out of the way, for the next decades upon decades, she was at a loss. the maid said that, yes, she was physically capable of leaving, but why would she when it felt so magnetic anyway?

with this in mind... jo left. it took an extremely long time to understand how to turn visible, and then even longer to understand how to turn invisible again. apparently she didn’t need doors – like, that was new.

anyway. once she had gained an understanding of what she could and could not do (rest in peace, salt), she began just... doing everything she’d been doing while she was alive... over and over again...

every morning, she made bouquets that she wasn’t paid for. every afternoon, she visited the cemetery to lay them on the most derelict graves. every night, she went back to the mansion.

did she need to find a purpose in her ‘life’ in order to move on? was there something she needed to make peace with? or was she doomed to ‘live’ forever, doing the same things, feeling trapped by the same place?

and that, my friends, is where we leave off.

personality, we’re just going to use various tests/ideas: i knew she was a pisces, kae said she sounded like a scorpio moon – so pisces sun, scorpio moon, capricorn rising (i have a birth chart now) ; total and complete enneagram type 4 ; i honestly don’t use mbti that much anymore but probs infp ; i’m undecided between hufflepuff and gryffindor... then again, i never read the books i just know she isn’t a slytherin and ppl always forget about ravenclaw ; i think melancholic? possibly phlegmatic? j definitely not choleric or sanguine

my mind! it’s so powerful!

connection ideas:

twin brother wc is on the main !

her ex-husband... but make him some immortal or undead being that, therefore, would still be alive.

other writers she’s met through the years, be they in ‘recent’ years ( any time after 1942 adhsjfl ) or in what she’d consider to be ‘her’ years.

idk just. friends. some pretty loose stuff!

any type of connection can be w/ any gender btw!

i’m. not great at wcs, but i’ll keep them coming!

i’m also so open to brainstorming or checking yours out!

like this or hmu to plot !

*my discord is also @ john donne’s whore#5590 if you prefer discord! psa that it literally won’t let me use the mobile version tho which makes plotting there! harder!

#htown.intro #me looking @ everyone's ooc information: im baby.img

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wavemaker9 · 5 years

Text

So far I think Toni has like 4 potential ships for him? Remind me if I’m forgetting anyone but so far I think it’s just Cami, Mel, Gil, and Ivan who’ve gotten a focus on.

I also think I already touched on how Cami’s the best for Toni in the same way that Mel is for Austin and Ivan is for Kyle, so I prolly don’t need to go too deep into those two. I will say I had the thought the other day of like a need vs want thing with the three boy’s ships, and like. I think it was that Austin needs Mel but doesn’t usually want her right away, Kyle both wants and needs Ivan like right at the start, and like. Toni needs Cami a little but I do think he wants her more than he needs her. Mainly just cause like. We’ve discussed this in discord but not on here so basically for a written record, We were talking about Cami being a source of character development for Toni in GTA AU but then countered that because in GTA AU he really doesn’t develop any from his relay with Cami. He does for a little bit I guess but then regresses right back to normal because he’s a dumb idiot who learns nothing from his mistakes. It’s the same thing with the issue with Gil, he doesn’t come away from that going “I need to value and trust my friends more because we care about each other and I’ve known them long enough to not only recognize that, but /recognize it in a way that adjusts my behavior accordingly/”. He doesn’t. Like. If you talked him through the whole thing with Gil and Francis, you could get him to quickly admit he genuinely doesn’t believe there’s any way that Gil or Francis would, unprovoked, betray him. But then also be like “But technically there’s some way, so gotta be prepared.” HE’S THAT BATMAN LINE. THE DUMB ONE ABOUT “IF TEHRE’S A .1% CHANCE HE COULD BE OUR ENEMY WE HAVE TO TREAT THAT AS A 100% CERTAINTY!” Dumb idiot. I think it’s just that like. Because Toni wants to be prepared for everything so that he can handle everything, he has a hard time prioritizing probability over possibility. And that’s probably true in any AU but especially in ones like GTA where he has more to lose and has learned to be more paranoid. He knows the probability of Gil betraying him is like so small it’s basically 0%, but also Toni can think of ways that would force Gil to pick a side and have Toni be that losing side. Threatening Ludwig is the biggest one (and I’d assume there’d be an equivalent for Francis of “if someone threatened X if Francis didn’t betray me, he’d have to pick X”), but Toni probably also assuming that if it came down to a thing of picking Francis or him, Gil’d pick Francis. Similarly, Toni assumes Francis would pick Gil if Gil forced Francis’ hand, while not also considering the fact that if your two causes are “Francis would betray me if Gil made him” and “Gil would betray me if Francis made him” and you don’t have any other factor that would prompt either Francis or Gilbert to make that move to push the other in the first place, then those aren’t really possible/probable causes are they, Toni? Even if the other cause is “Someone threatened Ludwig/X to make Gil/Francis betray me, but he doesn’t want to fight me directly so he’s then convincing Francis/Gil to do it.” like. His independent mentality doesn’t even have him consider “They would come to me and the two of us could work out how to save Ludwig/X together.” He just assumes betrayal because that’s how shit works in Los Santos, and because he assumes betrayal even in the .1% chance this extreme event happens, he feels he has to be prepared for it and won’t fucking chill about it. And even when it’s pointed out to him “Do you realize how unrealistic this is,” that’s not what he cares about. He knows it’s unrealistic, but that doesn’t make it impossible. It’d be like always wearing a life jacket 24/7 in case your house floods. You can point out how unlikely the flooding is at any given time, but he’ll just counter “and then what if it happens and then I don’t have a life jacket????” Like I guess you’re technically prepared, sure, but at what cost. Ugh, Toni’s the worst, I can’t believe I took this character I liked the best out of my three and made him the worst in his inability to learn a goddamn lesson.

Similarly, GTA Toni doesn’t learn a goddamn thing from what happens with Cami either. He doesn’t learn to communicate better, he doesn’t learn to trust people and put more faith in their choices, he doesn’t learn not to lie needlessly. To him, it’s not a factor of “Things would be better if I HAD told the truth” and more “Things would be better if I’d BEEN ABLE to tell the truth” because he’s still in some dumb mindset of unintentionally not respecting Cami’s (or anyone’s, really) autonomy. He /couldn’t/ tell Cami the truth, he /couldn’t/ 100% trust Gil and Francis. Again, he’s not realizing that these were actual choices he made and are specifically his fault. They are what /had/ to happen because, given his own knowledge and no other input, they were the best option at the time and thus the only thing he could really do. Even after Cami snaps at him about how much his break up with her and everything hurt her, he laments factors that were outside of his control instead of recognizing the choices he made weren’t good. If only he hadn’t gotten into the crime business, if only he’d met Cami earlier in his life, if only X, if only Y, blah blah blah. He recognizes that he made things worse here, but it still feels to him like “cami would have been better off if she never met me or if she’d met me before I got into crime” vs “cami would have been better off if I’d treated her with more actual respect and not this romanticized old version of respect where I pull her chair out for her but don’t ask for her opinion on major life decisions”. All of it basically boils down to ‘this wasn’t solely on me because I did what I /had/ to do given the circumstances. Nevermind that I could have changed the circumstances by discussing /anything/ with /anyone/. *hanzo voice* I do what I must.’ I touched on this in the fic with him and Gil, but Toni leans on excuses a lot more than he likes to think he does. During mel’s fake death, he calls out Kyle for not planning ahead and being aware of the consequences his actions have until they’ve already happened, but Toni has the exact opposite problem of /always/ trying to plan ahead to a harmful level and only being aware of the connection any consequences that happen may have with his actions until he actually does the thing and then any mistakes were a flaw in fate itself really, he did his best.

Anyway, fuck, that was supposed to be 1 paragraph about the generic dynamic of cami and toni, not multiple trainwrecks about what a trainwreck I turned that boy into in GTA AU. Back to the point. A lot of that is lessened in the handful of other AUs where Cami and Toni end up together even briefly, so that’s good at least. I mentioned to Khep the other day the idea of a similar thing happening with Toni in Color Coded AU of him having an interest in Cami after meeting her thanks to investigating her for PRISM, but when seeing how truly kind she is, him trying to step back because, while he does value PRISM for the help it gave him with his powers, he recognizes it’s shady and manipulative towards coders at best and doesn’t want Cami involved in that world. PRISM keeps a close eye on every one of its heroes, even those that leave/retire if it can, and Toni probably believing that while Cami could stay under the radar if staying on her own, any serious involvement with him would put her more at risk of PRISM’s lasting attention and she doesn’t deserve them watching over her and possibly deciding when she should and shouldn’t join. But in that one, he’d actually talk to her. Instead of spending his YA years as an independent and pseudo-paranoid crime leader, he spends them in a large community and as the leader of a team where communication is key. This Toni /knows/ that it’s important to ultimately trust people with information in order to better protect themself, and the only reason he’d hide info from Cami while trying to break things off would be at the very start since it’d probably take a little effort to find a way to communicate with Cami where he could be sure PRISM wouldn’t be keeping tabs. In other more chill AUs he tends to be better about that shit, too. Firefly AU was brought up since that’s another Toni that learns to lie with priority, but they don’t really end up together in that one so agreeing with the point there fo it not being as much of a thing? Mel and Gil feel like bigger factors into his development there than Cami does. Honestly, I can’t remember many other AUs where they even interact let alone date, now that I think about it tho? There’s the one happy one where they’re both single parents but that always felt more like a focus on the interaction between the kids/kids+parents vs between the parents, like honestly the TonixCami factor there was definitely back burner whenever I thought about it. Ugh, there has to be other AUs, right? Okay and I just went through my page of AU/Xover lists and it seems like no. Wait OUAT, I forgot that, but that’s also a bad one but not my fault. God we really do need better AUs for them. But honestly there aren’t many AUs for any of these ships we’re here to talk about so I guess I’ll be as assuming here as for the others.

I do feel like a non-GTA and the like AU where Toni and Cami can end up together is good. I’m still standing behind what I said in discord the other day of like. Toni is not necessarily the best end for /Cami/ if the AU has anyone else like Cian in it. I’ll also add something new of like. Even though Cami is probably the best of the options so far for Toni, she’s not the /ideal/ match either. Which, tbf, the same is true for Austin and Mel, honestly? It falls back to the need vs want thing. Kyle lucked out and got someone who helps him better himself while also being the type of person he absolutely adores. Austin’s best option would be someone who challenges him similar to how Mel does, but in a more reserved way and someone he has a bit more in common with. Someone he could start off wanting, instead of learning to want after a long while. (That’s also part of why Aud is a better fit for Mel too, since Aud is a bit more open and accepting of challenges and such due to her past vs Austin who is really not here as much to be significantly challenged; Aud isn’t /looking/ for a challenge either exactly, but she won’t back away from one as quickly as Austin will). For Toni and his ideal, there’s obviously the thing of like. Usually a relay with Toni isn’t great for her either since it’s just. Their relationships always feel very romanticized but not super realistic? I could see them having a long term relay and being happy, especially in more chill/neutral AUs like the adopted family AU one, but I think it takes them both a medium to /long/ while to relax around each other. Which isn’t… the worst, but also, it just feels a little unhealthy having to try /to that level/ in a relationship. Like trying in a relay is good, trying to seem perfect in a relay isn’t so much, and it’d probably take a few years to a decade or so before toni starts to feel comfortable not trying to the max 24/7. And that’d be exhausting, and that’s for Toni who is used to and honestly lowkey thrives in a challenging environment, because Cami would in turn likely also feel the need to always be at her best regardless of Toni’s reassurances, and that’d be even worse for someone like her who is NOT already confident and believes herself as being at the best level already. Eventually they could settle into a really nice comfortable life together, and I think it’d be very good for both of them at that point, because they’re both very caring and passionate people at their cores, but it’d probably be rough to start off with.

Mel is next on the list and honestly a very good match for him, too, although probably not as challenging as he would need to key points. I’ll cover this more for Gil and Ivan later on but I picture Cami and Gil are better at challenging Toni in ways that he could use given his flaws, where as Mel is more middle ground and. God, Ivan. We’ll get to Ivan. With Mel, it’s not that she wouldn’t be capable of challenging him or anything. She’s honestly probably the most prepared for that and can probably shut down a lot of shit the first time she sees it and knows it’s bad. Toni doesn’t talk to her about something important and just does X thing and her confronting him immediately on it. Same with like the one fic I did for the rarepair thing. She sees he’s not honest about who he is and what he likes, and she talks to him right away to kind of address that and why it’s important to her that that change even a little if they’re going to stay together. Really, they are a good match in that they either compliment or contrast each other well. They’re both active worker types who enjoy fighting and such, and though there’d have to be some competition between them, I could imagine it being treated as more playfully competitive than full on “I have to be the best” aggressive. Toni’s more diplomatic and that helps Mel with socializing some times and kind of getting her to take a hot second when angry to calm down and think through her reactions so she doesn’t get too mad and make more enemies than friends. They really do work very well together when they try and it’s not like having each other wouldn’t help better them. Honestly the main reason I don’t move Mel up to the highest potential pairing is just that I don’t picture Mel as the sort that would inspire him to naturally want to change on anything that’s a major issue for him. Like he wouldn’t naturally want to fix the communication thing, he’d just see that mel doesn’t like this so he’d fix it. One of the things that causes Cami to appeal to him most is her being so nice and sweet leads to him trying to be a naturally nicer person and just genuinely care more about people. Tone down that pride and judgement and be more open minded and selfless. The other thing, as we’ll get into with gil, isn’t something he thinks he needs as much initially but would probably learn to recognize a need for more, and that’s just chilling the /fuck/ out for once and just having a breather. Again, he thrives on challenge and stuff, he loves putting 110% into everything if he can, but like. Just relaxing and being chill and not being the best is okay too? And that’s not like “do the work, take a nap, get back to work” that’s like “I don’t have to be prepared to defend my non-existent title on everything to impress people. I can just relax and be myself genuinely and it’s probably fine.”

So let’s just move onto Gil then since that’s the big pro when Toni gets to date him. Honestly, at least atm, I think Gil is the only person Toni ever knows that he feels like he can 100% relax with? Francis is close in most AUs, probably like 95% in more chill scenarios, but Gil has a much more natural way about him where he’s just so honest, it’s infectious to Toni. It really is why he likes Gil so much. Francis is arguably cooler and more fashionable and confident, but Gil seems to have this fucking ultimate zen thing going of owning who he is so completely which even Toni hasn’t mastered yet, and Toni thinks that’s the coolest. Great humor and confidence is a big factor into Toni befriending Gil so closely. Gil can always make Toni relax and laugh and forget his worries for a bit and Toni has such a chill genuine fun time when with Gil, and, again, for someone like Toni who feels like he has to try 110% minimum at all times, feeling comfortable in the moment enough to not feel like he has to impress and watch himself is really nice. Honestly? I feel like there are a lot of things Toni likes that he’s just kind of filtered out of his personality because of reputation, and it’s only when hanging out with gil or the full group that he’ll find himself doing that kind of shit again because he feels like he can get away with it more when with gil and/or francis. Like in a lot of AUs Gil’s probably the first one to get out of Toni that he does like being called Toño more, to the point of I don’t even know if Toni often fully realizes it until Gil gets him to stop and consider it. Like there’s just a lot of stuff like that where Toni doesn’t even think about it anymore. He found ‘Toni’ was the name people found easiest growing up (usually) in America, so he went with that until it felt like his preferred name. God, honestly I think there’s just a lot of Toni’s personality that might not really be his personality and who knows what is or isn’t at any given time? He probably doesn’t on a lot. I sure don’t, I’ve never had this boy down pat. Hell, there’s already the thing of him naturally wanting to swear a lot but training himself to cut that out so he really only does it around Francis and Gil. Like. Maybe dressing up in high business casual all the time is just something he’s convinced himself he likes? What if I say he actually hated tomatoes as a kid and just whoever his guardian is in each AU loved them and made them a lot so he eventually tricked himself into liking them?? I can do anything with this new power, incredible! But yeah, maybe that’s another factor of liking hanging out with Gil too is not just “oh I get to relax and enjoy things I don’t normally allow myself too” but also “sometimes I remember I enjoy things I haven’t done in years and that’s nice”. Fucking Gil one day just questioning “Hey how come you say ‘probably’ or ‘probably not’ a lot when I ask if you like a thing instead of just yes or no?” and then through a slow convo of having to break down toni’s answers because even toni doesn’t realize fully that he does this, that finally coming out and gil just baffled once things click. Gil showing up the next day with a bunch of foods from the store for toni to try and actually see if he likes them. Toni like I don’t think this is how it works, Gil. Gil teasing back ‘maybe you’ve just convinced yourself you don’t think this is how it works when the REAL toni would love my idea? It’s impossible to know!’ and toni just laughing but conceding, sure, yeah, sounds 100% legit and not at all bullshit, what’s first on your goofball buffet, bud?

Okay, distracted again, back to the point. Toni relaxing is good, but I think it’s better as a friendship thing longer term? Toni relaxing every once in a while is a good break, but his morals and priorities and such slip when he’s not careful. Which leads us to the last boy on the list, Ivan. ...Listen. I /love/ the compare and contrast factor between Toni and Ivan because they really do have a surprising amount in common for not seeming like they would at a glance. A couple of terrible smile boys, love them, /but also/. Not the greatest influences on each other. This is especially true in verses like GTA and Nationverse with baggage. Toni tries to be a better person and move past his bloody history, but given who he is, it requires a /lot/ of maintaining. And like the pro with Gil is that I think Gil would still mostly be a good enough influence where even while encouraging toni to relax more, he’d still be a more good than bad influence in almost any AU. Like even GTA, Gil is a chaotic good sort, and that’d be important. But Ivan is decidedly not in those sorts of AUs, and pairings between him and Toni have the potential for being the worst in those. GTA (and probably Nationverse too?), Ivan loves prying at that mask of Toni’s and so tries to instigate him more, that would lead to Toni then pushing back, and like. A long term relay between them in those AUs would be hard. You factor in that Toni’s trust issues are worse in those and his darker instincts are way stronger from his history + Ivan also probably very similar on a lot of those points too and also just has not learned to respect human life at all tbh? Toni’s trying to respect human life, but yknow sometimes it’s hard???? (anyone else: I find it’s not hard at all not to murder people. I often go long periods of time without killing anybody! | toni and ivan: we all have our draughts) I just picture in those AUs they are too much of a chaotic force when together and it would be damaging for themselves and/or others. Plus the idea came up once between Avi and I of the GTA fling between them becoming more romantic but god you’d have to find the perfect storm to really make that happen to be honest? It’s not /impossible/ but it’s very unlikely. Toni doesn’t trust ivan enough to let himself become that close to him really, and if he couldn’t allow himself to let down his walls for cami, it’d be damn fucking hard to get him to do it for ivan in turn. He’d pull himself back before he did, and that could be another factor of ivan trying to pry at toni and see how much he can push him, see if he can pull him back in, but that would just further sour any possibility of an actual romantic relationship. In better AUs where they aren’t both bad kids, it’s a little more possible, but I still think even then, they wouldn’t be /great/ influences on each other. Definitely better! They both learn to try and be on better behavior, but. yknow. The bar was set low; there’s only so many AUs that aren’t better than gta au.

#ignore this #the boss kid #amusing muse musings #hey you au #crossovers! unlimited crossovers!

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