#this got long but i couldn't help it
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I could be a good motherrrrrrrr
#sorry for making dio caked up to the moon and back I couldn't help it#also i can't make him look less evil#he's got a perpetually evil smile#long fluffy hair dio save me....#jjba#dio brando#giorno giovanna#mudad#jjba fanart#jojos bizarre adventure#stardust crusaders#jjba part 3#my art
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I have made something.
It's Gooseneto, in bright red and magenta
And Peace was never an option.
*heavy gasp* IT'S COMING CLOSER
IT'S OVER US- AAAAH
(And so Gooseneto, that like its owner Magneto doesn't appreciate humans, has attacked us. -and won-)
(Thanksfully Professor X talked it to not end us all)
#erik lehnsherr#magneto#he is so silly#trigger warning : magenta and red outfit#it's a goose#Gooseneto#x men#cherik#cherik memes#don't mind me i'm being silly#it has been sitting on my mind for quite a long time and suddently Pinterest gifted me with the goose meme#i couldn't help myself#Magneto would train geese to attack humans#it would backfire as they would also attack mutants#caus peace is never an option#Charles got bitten and now Erik has put all the geese in a farm far away#fancychaostraveller's craft
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Hiii! Obsessed with ur art style and ur character design skills
Do you have any tips or tricks for depicting different body types and also specifically drawing wrinkles bc it never turns out for me (sad) and I need to draw hot older women
Omg thank you sm ! <3 And if you want some tips, I can give you a lot jfifkd I went to art school for way to long and I'm not one for gatekeeping
For different body types, just practice figure drawing (and learn simplified anatomy) ! Here are some great resources to do it online (because finding real life models when your not in school is hard)
Figure drawing :
Timed figure poses (nude) on ytb / line of action / sketch daily
You can also look at the books "Morpho", tho it's not free
Artistic anatomy :
You can look at books from Paul Richier (tho he was a doctor not an artist so a lot of it is way too detailed, but you can find some very useful drawings) -> general stuff (p53 for a full man, the rest is more specific but you can find some zoom on specific muscles in movement) (also oops sorry all in french), specifically woman's anatomy p65 (tho it's practically the same thing but this ones more wordy so less fun to look at)
Anatomy for sculptors (great 3d models)
And now old people ! Wrinkles can happen in a lot of different circumstances : when showing emotion, depending on the angles of the face, on fatigue, on weight, if your skull is more or less visible...ect...
But if you want to learn how to draw specifically wrinkles that appear with age, there is multiple things to know :
(Very long talk about lines on faces below, I'm sparing you all not interested to have to scrolls through all that fjdkdk)
-wrinkles show in the areas of the face where there is repeated movement that create a fold that, with time, makes a permanent mark.
-when drawing, you should more or less mark them depending on their deepness. For the deeper ones draw with a black line, less deep a colored one and very subtle just using shading (at least that's how I do it in my style). Also ! They are certain lines that are normal to see on faces of every age, but tend to make them appear wayyy older in stylized drawing (especially with lines). For example, I have pretty defined lines going from my nose to the corner of my mouth because I have defined cheekbones. But if I where to draw them as marked as they look irl, I would appear way *way* older than I am. So unless you want to go for realism, go a bit lighter on the ones going from nose to mouth or the crow's feet (unless laughing) for someone under the age of ~50
- Not everyone get the same wrinkles, faces can tell a story ! For example if you choose to accentuate more the ones at the edge of the eyes and corner of the lips, that could mean your character spent a lot of his life smiling and laughing. In contrary, if you accentuate the ones between the eyebrows and around the nose, that means he sneered and scowled often.
And tips specially for senior citizens (after like 60)
- The quality of skin in older people is different ! The skin is thinner and drooping down (interesting detail, that you prob won't use in 2d art but, around 80yo the skin becomes once again a bit more taut and smooth (this is very subtle) before once again degrading further ! Source : my old sculpture teacher- he used to teach in med school, but I can't find a source online so take this with a grain of salt).
So learning the zones of the face where fat accumulates, then making them shift downwards can be a way to show age. They are some people who have very peculiar faces or don't have much fat there (ex Peter Cushing), but in *most* people it's the case, even if it's subtle.
- You can also make the skull more visible : sunken eyes, hollow cheeks... Even if your character isn't particularly thin, it will make them appear older. But obviously the more fat there is, the more subtle it is.
But really the best tips of all : look at old people :) in pictures or irl
Oops this is very long fjfknfk
#look at my french ass struggling to explain shit in english jfkfof hope it's not too long or incomprehensible#couldn't share what was specifically made by my professors but I did my best sharing shit that was free and usefull#hope that helps jfjfjf#can you tell I'm currently applying to try becoming a prof (maybe)#got a bit carried away I fucking love artistic anatomy and figure drawing and charadesign gjfjkfkf#art tips#art ressources#ask answered
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Can I ask for suggestions what to read for stuff with Sky?
Hello! I actually don't know a lot of Sky centric fanfic to share.
@cafecourage has a lot on their blog if you want to check them out!
But of course, you're always free to read from my Masterlist as well.
This one is purely Sky. And about half of it isn't even LU centric, it's just Sky. A lot of it is actually au stuff, so I completely understand if that's not what you're looking for.
My favorite piece on there might just be the Ancient Great Fairy.
Takes place during his adventure, actually.
#pinky replies#pinky answers#sorry I couldn't be of more help#I haven't actually sat down to read fanfic in a long time#life got busy ^.^*
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DOCTOBER '24 ⸺ 「 1 / 31 * RED-LETTER DATE 」
“Hey Doc? I wanna ask you something.”
Emmett doesn’t pop his head through the doorway to acknowledge his friend, too focused on topping off one of the mugs of hot chocolate with a generous helping of marshmallows, but he does shout, “Of course, Marty,” into the air. “You know you don’t have to ask. Let me bring Verne his cup and then you’ll have my undivided attention.”
Marty makes a vague noise that many years of friendship has taught Emmett means sure thing, Doc, and it takes him barely three minutes to drop off the hot chocolate to Verne, who smiled like it was Christmas morning when he saw the mountain of marshmallows floating at the top, and join Marty in the living room, carrying the tray with their own drinks. He passes one of them off to Marty who accepts with a smile and a nod and then takes a seat opposite him, fixing him with an expectant look.
“So, what did you want to ask me?”
Marty’s eyes immediately drift to the shelf, where Emmett and Clara’s small assortment of family photos sit, arranged in elegant wooden frames. In the centre is a black and white photo that has started to yellow around the edges, looking paradoxically fragile and yet able to withstand even the most rigorous tests of time, holding onto that frozen memory for all eternity. Emmett turns his head to follow Marty’s attention, his eyes alighting on the single photo he expects will be the topic of their conversation.
Ah. Out of all of them, there is only one Marty was never able to be present for.
For once, Emmett manages to look perfectly natural in a photograph, even dressed to the nines in a sharp suit. His smile stretches from ear-to-ear, making him look at least ten years younger, and though his face is angled away from the camera, his eyes are bright and alive, brimming with love and warmth. Marty could even imagine the photographer trying to get Emmett’s attention, demanding he look at him for the photo, only for every single word to go in one ear and straight out the other when Clara was standing beside him, smiling, the picture of radiance as she regards her husband with the same fond warmth. Her wedding dress was no more intricate than any of the outfits Marty had seen her wear during his few days in the Nineteenth Century, yet it seemed to be made for her and her alone, perfectly tailored and somehow able to put even the outfits of royalty to shame.
If Clara was the sun, Emmett was the moon that revolved around her. In that single moment, forever frozen in time, they were the only two people on Earth.
“I had been wanting to ask for a while, but–”
“No, no, of course. You didn’t get the chance to see it, and I’m sorry for that, so I’d be happy to fill you in on the details.”
Marty curls his fingers around the warm mug, shuffling somewhat in his seat, and Emmett waits patiently, noting each one of Marty’s nervous habits as they arise. There are a hundred and one things Marty wants to say, Emmett can see them written across his body, written into every small movement, and, equal and opposite, there are a thousand things Emmett wants to say in return, things he makes an effort to hold back until Marty speaks first.
“I’m happy for you two, Doc–really, I am. Clara’s–well, Clara’s amazing. And I’ve never seen you so happy before. I was afraid that–” Marty shakes his head, his eyes focused on the photographs. “When I first saw the picture, I was…” He forces a laugh, but there’s no humour in it and Emmett would know that self-depreciatory tone anywhere.
“It’s stupid, I know. I didn’t realise it at first, but I was jealous. Can you believe that, Doc? My best friend is happy, he’s got a family for Christ’s sake, and I was too busy at first being afraid that now you’re–you’re just gonna forget me because you’ve got Clara and the boys and the house and there wouldn’t be a place for me.”
Emmett’s eyes widen despite knowing the blow was coming and before he can open his mouth, allow the words that have been building up on his tongue to break free, Marty shakes his head and continues, reinforcing the wall and keeping the words at bay just a little longer.
“I know what you’re gonna say, Doc. I already said I know it’s stupid but I couldn’t help feeling that way. And I should have asked you about your wedding and everything a lot longer ago but I-I just couldn’t. And that’s fucking stupid, right? I want to know because I couldn’t be there for you and you’ve always been there for me.”
Marty’s words are a blade driven straight through his chest, each word twisting that razor-sharp blade a little more. He can’t help the pang of guilt he feels echoing in his ribcage, scraping against the bars of a prison he will not allow it to escape from, not now. This conversation was a long time coming–he’d almost expected it sooner rather than later, but he knew better than to push, knowing Marty would open up when he was ready–but no amount of anticipation could have prepared him for the blow that hearing it put to words would strike.
The Time Machine’s destruction had not been an accident. Everything had been carefully orchestrated to prevent any further corruption of the timestream, to spare himself the temptation–the broken heart–of trying to go back against all rational, scientific thought.
Ultimately, Marty couldn’t stay in the Nineteenth Century, not if he wanted to live a normal life, not if he wanted to be happy. And he couldn’t allow Marty to become another unsolved disappearance, leaving the McFlys to wonder and agonise over their youngest son who vanished from the face of the Earth without a trace.
Emmett may not have planned to stay, but even he couldn’t predict Clara’s intervention.
Life had to go on, even under extreme or difficult circumstances. There was only one choice available, then.
Still, Emmett doesn’t hesitate.
“Marty, I could never forget you. Whether we’re in the same time period or separated across the timestream, you will always be my best friend. And I will never stop caring about you. I know things have been busy lately, both for you and for me, what with your college courses and the boys’ schooling and Clara’s acclimation to the Twentieth Century and making the necessary repairs on the house–” Emmett stops himself before he runs off the entire list of seemingly infinitely-growing projects on his list.
“The point is, nothing is going to change that. And I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel neglected or unwanted at any point, because that couldn’t be further from the truth.”
Marty nods, finally pulling his eyes away from the photo to take a good long look at his best friend.
“I know, Doc. God, I know. You must think I’m an asshole.”
“You’re not an asshole. Far from it.”
Marty actually smiles at that, swirling his hot chocolate carefully in the cup. “So… You’ll still tell me about your wedding day?”
“Of course I will, Marty.” Emmett pauses for a moment, a thoughtful expression working its way over his face. Then, he smiles, almost conspiratorially as he recalls something of particular note. “The minister certainly wasn’t pleased when we changed until death do us part to something a little more fitting–until the end of time—”
@bttfdoctober
#back to the future#bttf#bttfdoctober#doctober 2024#LET'S GOOOO#SO. i've got a lot of thoughts about well everything but#i definitely think that while marty loves clara and the boys of course he couldn't help but be wary of them at first#feel jealous. think he was being replaced because now he wasn't the most important thing to doc#he's got the boys and a beautiful wife - why would he need/want marty along?#and there was definitely some jealousy and even low-key resentment/hostility at first which clara most certainly noticed#marty feels terrible about that but he couldn't help it. and neither doc nor clara reproach him for it because he's not wrong to feel as su#and though life gets busy doc could never forget marty but it's easy to forget that for marty - especially in the wake of all that's happen#and i think marty deeply regrets / perhaps even resents the fact that he didn't get to attend doc's wedding#one of the most important days of his best friend's life and he missed it#and missed ten years of doc's life too - separated by the once again impassable barrier of time.#it's a lot. it's complex and messy and all that#marty does want to know about the wedding - absolutely - but there's still so much they have to talk about#and this got so fucking long. 1200+ words and they all suck fjlk;asd;jf#BUT IT'S WRITTEN AND OH WELL.#i'll get back into the swing of it later#i have many many thoughts about the doc/clara wedding too ugh#clara looked absolutely beautiful and you can't convince me otherwise. she was the only one at that ceremony for doc and you know it#also this was supposed to go in a totally different direction yet somehow we ended up here. whoops! i strike again.
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I think in my AU Tianlang-Jun/heavenly demons in general are a (demon world variant of) Mew. So.. essentially. Big, bad gyarados Su Xiyan saw this funny little foetus cat & was like "I can't NOT have an egg with that"
Thankfully Mew knows Transform. It's fine.
#svsss#pokemon au#I think the story i went with in my head is that she chose to have an egg#as a pokemon rather than go through w pregnancy in human form#tried to stash the egg in the river#to keep the palace master from finding it#but then Bingy's egg got lost :(#through some shenanigans#TLDR Su Xiyan is still a gyarados#she went on a rampage & made a hyperbeam sized hole in her master#because i decided i didn't want her dead in this AU#just Misplaced#tried to find her son after calming down#but do u know how hard it is to find a single Magikarp in a river??#one that got fished up by some locals#sat in a fish market tank for a minute#got rescued by a washer woman & put in her master's pond#until they got scared the thing might evolve & get revenge#so she had to bribe a traveling merchant to dump her fishy somewhere safe#ANYWAY rly hard to find. even with help#and she couldn't stay in the human realm for long bc of the uh#whole putting a hole in the palace master thing#but at least Binghe has SY now unu
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living in america is literally just like. yeah i could probably benefit from inpatient mental health services but honestly the resulting medical bills would just make me want to kill myself even more
#eliot posts#i'm not in active danger of hurting myself don't worry#just experiencing some Ideations#but i have a long mental list of reasons not to act on those ideations so i'm safe don't worry#ironically one of those reasons is ''i couldn't afford the medical bills for a failed attempt''#suicide mention#suicide tw#tw suicide#american healthcare my beloathed#dogshit private insurance my beloathed#also ironically one of the (multiple) contributing factors towards this fresh wave of ideations is a medical bill i got yesterday#it's nothing too ruinous but it is A LOT like would utterly wipe out my savings level#my parents said they can help me with it (as much as i hate accepting things from them)#and as soon as i mentioned it my very sweet cousin just. sent me the money it would take to cover it#with a ''yeah i trust you'll pay me back once you get a good job like looking at your major you'll be making a lot eventually''#and i've already requested an itemized bill as well as the paperwork for the hospital's financial assistance program#(tho idk how much assistance i'll actually be eligible for bc i'm still legally a dependent)#so hopefully i'll be able to get that bill cut way down#it's just eugh it's so stressful and i had a full on panic attack on the phone with my insurance company yesterday#and my brain's fav response to crushing stress is just ''well we wouldn't have to handle any of this if we Just Fucking Died! :)''
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#one piece live action#opla#nami#one piece nami#opla nami#nojiko#one piece nojiko#opla nojiko#portrait#watercolor#my art#BLEGH that's tags. anw#i've not rlly wanted much to do w op or its fanbase for a long time despite being attached to it but#an artist i rlly like has been posting some of it lately and it got me thinking abt the netflix show again#and yeah. them...#if they do more i rlly wanna see who they cast as robin aaaa#they couldn't fix some fundamentally fucked stuff from op but the casting helps so much it's lovely#if i do any more ill prolly draw luffy. my boy 🥺🥺🥺
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Gravity falls AU idea I've had
Bill cipher is just some (charismatic, psychopathic) guy, except! He runs a cult at the time that Ford is deep in his research in gravity falls.
I'm calling it the Ciphertology AU (if someone comes up with something better I'm all ears tho)
Rest of it under cut (mentions tbob and same level of dark content as is in the book/website, just as warning) ⚠️
So, the university contacts Ford to ask him to investigate the psychic claims that this group deep in the forest, not too far from the falls, has. Ford grumbles that he isn't much of a people person to carry out such research but he's the one nearest to the area and they've agreed to send over Fiddleford, since they're friends and as his assistant he can act as an objective observer (since he didn't study parapsychology) and it pays well.
They both inadvertently get sucked into bill's cult in different ways! Ford is drawn in by his seemingly high intelligence and helpful nature, assured within himself that he wouldn't be fooled by fraudsters or fakes due to his background/intelligence, ends up treating Bill reverently (his 'muse' and one he trusts, because it fills the loneliness he feels, especially because before he began interviewing ciphers group, he felt guilt for not contacting his brother) before coming to a fast and cruel awakening that he's not who he says he is! Bill isolates him from his parents and tries to make him believe he's the only one who understands him, he obstructs his work being sent to the university too.
Meanwhile, poor Fidds had been pulled into addiction from the cultish hippie use of drugs in the group, but ended up slipping into mental health issues and realising that his friend is being manipulated and leaves. tries to persuade Ford to leave, trying to convince him that bill's evil but it doesn't go well ofc and he leaves and tries to set up a counter protest with a load of other people in gravity falls to get rid of the cult, which ends up kicking him out when he has a mental breakdown. By this time the FBI is alerted and they have the cult on their watchlist.
Ford is tortured, similar to how he is described to in tbob and journal 3 (except probably without the possession side of it, haven't decided if that's something he'd be able to do/is real in this au) and he's kept at the isolated cult camp against his will. But he does manage to get hold of a phone and call his brother. Stanley to the rescue! He isn't told fully just how bad it is but sensing bullshit, he high tails up to the falls as fast as possible ❤️
Stan is horrified by the way Ford's been treated and angry that he's still making excuses for the group (poor ford is so sleep deprived so the coercive control is going to take a little while to be unconditioned from) and quickly manages to get him out of there!
Takes a while, and not many people believe the stan twins story, but eventually Bill is caught for other crimes and is sent to a max security psychiatric hospital (basically a prison). (Stan and Ford in the aftermath keep close eyes on the cult from a distance to try and get justice.)
They end up forgiving each other and settling their home base in the falls, since now the rest of the town either hates bill or wants to forget he existed. Stan sets up his own tourist business in the falls whilst ford heals and eventually he ends up working as a lecturer and travels about to a few different colleges in the area for work. After the trial where Cipher is put behind bars decades later, the stans make their childhood dream happen and go sailing around the world for 2-3 years!
Oh, and Ford ends up reconnecting with Fidds, as after some time his son Tate tracks him down and gets him to a place where he can recover and be treated for his mental health. Their contact helps them both get through the trial because now they can finally talk to someone else who experienced the cult. Maybe they even contacted some others who were also drawn into the cult who were victims?
Dipper and Mabel come for the summer like in the show, except now they know of their two eccentric grunkles, though the whole cult story is kept from them for a while (they end up finding out somehow).
...And that's as far as I've got with this idea! I think there might be room for Bill to escape and the pines family coming across him during a future summer? Like maybe because of Ford's involvement with the cult he still has possession of some of Ford's journals/information after he escapes/is set free? Idk. What do you think?
#gravity falls au#Ciphertology au#tbob#bill cipher#billford#artists please take this au and run with it I'm begging 🙏🏻#I'm one million percent serious!#couldn't stop thinking about this last night cause I got a cold and couldn't get to sleep quick from sneezing so much 😅🤒#cult au is probably not new but after seeing all the stuff in tbob I couldn't help thinking of this#something something the allegories for religious trauma in fidds and ford in the show becoming#actual religious trauma#tw cult#something something stan seeing his brother has been harmed and chained up and he still is conflicted on leaving without all of his work#with him 😢#because bill is withholding it from him on purpose#is this anything?#idk if I'll ever write any of this so people have permission to make their own I don't mind as long as I get some mention ofc 😜#and because I'll read it
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my niece is staying with us for the whole weekend for the first time. until now it's always been one night only, not two.
it's the second night now and I have already decided this is not happening again anytime soon. I'm so fucking exhausted. it'd be less exhausting if it was my nephew, I think - he's older and also doesn't need as much help (even when he was her age).
I love my niece but she just asks so many questions. like when we're watching a show or a movie, even if it's one she has seen before (even multiple times), she doesn't understand what's going on and constantly asks me to explain everything. I don't mind it, really, but it does take a lot of energy. plus tonight it took over two hours for her to fall asleep because she was scared by the noises of the house and the nearby road. I get it, but damn I'm so fucking tired, I just want to sleep 😭
#my nephew will get to stay for two nights soon so that it's fair and everything#but then I think we'll go back to one night only for a while#I just can't sleep when someone else is here. and I do not handle being tired well. or rather being even more tired than usual#so yeah no this is too much#I'm so glad I don't have children. I literally would not survive#we played board games with her today. her idea. she chose the gsme#but it was so fucking difficult.....#I think most kids would have understood this game at like. 10 maybe. probably before that really#she's 12 and a half and just did not get it at all#she's got difficulties learning and she's finally getting (more) help for that in school now but I'm really.. a bit shocked that it took#this long for her parents to accept that#she's a great kid but it's been obvious since she started school that she needs more help#so anyway yeah it's 3am and I think she finally fell asleep after I put Charmed on for her#I've got a massive headache and I'm so fucking tired I feel like I'm losing my mind lol#couldn't sleep last night & I hope it's better tonight. but having someone else here is stressful.#ugh I wish this wasn't so hard for me. I want to be the fun aunt (I'm their only aunt.. aunt-like person... whatever) but I know I get more#and more impatient when they're here. I hate that. but I can't change it. I've tried! for 10 years! but it didn't work#don't get me wrong - I'm never mean or angry with them. I just get somewhat annoyed and I know it's noticeable and I hate that#they don't seem to mind. they love visiting us. but I don't like it because I hated the way adults treated me when I was a kid so I want to#be better#:(#anyway I have to sleep now or tomorrow will be hell :)#personal
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can someone else please please look at this set of images before i go insane
#nezha reborn#LOOK AT HIM he is literally just... a kid...... looking for some comfort from his dad............#it's about to be 0 days since our last nonsensical overly emotional post about li yunxiang#it was never that lyx didn't care about what his father thought or didn't want for his approval because he does want it. he does care.#it was just something he accepted he wouldn't have as long as he continue to choose to do what he thought was the right thing#and the 'right thing' was important enough to him to give up on his dad's support#which says something about how important the 'right thing' is to lyx#and up till now it was fine because it affected no one but him#(and if you think about it it is kind of a very immature and idealistic mindset#because if he had gotten caught doing his little smuggling and property destruction it 100% would have affected his family#but i like that i think it's part of his character.. anyway....)#but now his refusal to do what his dad wanted him to do - get a normal job and keep his head down - is like. actively hurting his family#and altho it was the right thing and he couldn't have predicted that ao bing would go completely nuclear#or that the de group would send assassins after him because of the whole reincarnation business#you could say that kasha and li jinxiang's injuries are a direct result of him refusing to just roll over and sell ao bing his motorcycle#(which i think is exactly what ljx was gonna say before he got bodied by that monster truck lol)#and in this moment when he has effectively just put 2 of the people closest to him in the hospital#i think he can't help but look for a little comfort from his dad because he feels so so guilty and confused and upset#but he gets that door shut in his face and he's reminded that he had chosen to not have that#that he had made choices that led to this being the reality of his relationship with his dad. and he is supposed to be ok with that#and then he falls back on his anger and the moment is sort of over but like#bro... at this point li yunxiang has no one bro....#L + ratio + kasha and brother in the hospital + dad can't even look at you + dead mom + separated from extended family when you fled the wa#+ no close friends your own age#and it makes me sad because lyx must have been pretty close to his dad when he was little#i think this + the moment where he's outside the door listening to his dad talk#just fuels the miasma of guilt#guilt over his own actions. guilt over nezha's actions. questioning if he is or ever was making the right choices#but also it's not about any of that it's just about how huge and wet his eyes look here amen
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if i had a nickel for every blue-haired sitri who's sooo pretty, has nice legs and rocks heels, i'd have two, but it's weird that it happened twice
#saw that pose online and couldn't help myself#if you know the sitri on the left you're entitled to veteran's discount#bro i watched that anime so long ago i remember almost nothing#but wbh sitri immediately got him from the depths of my memory#h e e l s#whb#what in hell is bad#whb sitri#makai ouji#devils and realist#makai ouji devils and realist#makai ouji sitri#name anything hotter than fighting in heels i'll wait#my art#lume's rambles#self indulgence goes brrr
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New battle cry of 2024: "GIVE ME THE GUMMY WORMS YOU BAMBI-EYED BITCH!"
#long story short: partner playfully stole my candy it turned into a war#chasing each other through the apartment we're both parkouring over the furniture#i slam dunked my ass over the couch and he tried giving me puppy dog eyes and at this point im not having it#cause i spent a good 20 minutes in the shoes of peter parker flying around as spiderman and I'm exhausted#so i rise up and let out this godzilla skreeonk and shouted the battle cry as i chased his ass outside#he's dead now#he laughed so hard i think his soul departed#it came out as a dry wheeze until he was curled up in a little ball and couldn't breathe#to the neighbors it probably looked like i socked him in the gut#didn't help i had to drag him back inside by the leg after i got my candy back#this is my dork#i love him
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#sorry im thinking abt death again#because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died#that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from#time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed#i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she#died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way#my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today#for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days#and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt#future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her#last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that#and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving.#sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless#others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club#i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her#stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i#dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my#family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters#probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno.#i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity.#again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a#full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length#unrelated
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musing in the tags about the view two years out from my hysterectomy and the shifting nature of neuropathy. i asked my PT for recommendations/resources pertaining to pain science and that's been a very helpful lenses to have. i'm still not back to normal, will never be unmarked by this experience or return to my pre-op self, but my baseline has been gradually increasing over the last few months, and it feels good to look back on the last two years and say "i have no idea how i managed to function while living with that, but i did!"
#meatsuit renno#chronic blogging#ctxt#at first post-hysto pain was a deep burning ache#and eventually that lessened on my left side and settled in for the long haul on the right#after a couple weeks it had started to feel like a small carnivorous creature scrabbling and gnawing at the inside of my abdomen#nestled into the hollow of my pelvis and reaching up with its raking claws#about 6 months in and the creature still chewed occasionally but had shrunk to the size of a tennis ball under my right incision site#it clamped its jaws down and went to sleep and i perpetually felt like someone had pinched a fold of my insides with a large binder clip#this constant awful twisting tug every time i moved that kept me from straightening up or breathing fully#this is about a year into recovery and my original surgeon has blown off my requests for follow-up treatment three times now#i carried on as best i could. fatigue and brainfog getting worse & worse as the pain wore on unrelentingly#about a year and a half into recovery it worsened again. searing lancing pain like i'd been impaled on a piece of white hot rebar#couldn't hardly move. couldn't think straight. couldn't sleep#finally checked myself into urgent care & then the ER just to try to get someone anyone to take me seriously and help me#finally got a referral to a new surgeon who immediately pinned it as extreme neuropathy#started gabapentin end of december last year and the relief was immediately#i never thought i would welcome the gritted teeth vice grip of my little feral pain creature#but when i felt the molten spike slide out to be replaced once more by its worrying jaws#the intermittent spark and fizzle of that pinching squirming pain was a dramatic improvement#then i started PT in march and slowly so slowly the creature's hungry grip is loosening#it still clamps down occasionally. maybe once every week or two i'll have a day when i just accept#that there will be a horrible little creature chewing on my right side from the inside#but nowadays with the gabapentin doing as much as it can and an exercise routine i must stick to religiously to supplement PT#the pain is more of a little pearl of dark matter shifting around under my skin#it's incredibly dense. the heart of a black hole of disabling agony. all that white hot fury condensed into a slick heavy marble#as i recover some of my strength and energy i can feel my body coating it in nacreous layers to minimize its influence#my hysterectomy was 2 years and 4 days ago today and i feel like i can finally finally say i'm beginning to truly heal#i suspect i'll always carry this pearl in my side like shrapnel. product of damaged nerve tissue that went untreated for far too long#i wish my original surgeon had been more competent more attentive less lazy & indifferent to my pain. but i still don't have any regrets.
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top 5 places in argentina? like, places you'd recommend to foreigners visiting your country? especially if they're not particularly famous
(hope that's not too intrusive for you, it's alright if you're not comfortable answering!)
what a great question, thank you! (it probably will end up being popular places, but let's be honest, they're popular for a reason and i want everyone to know about them!)
bariloche - i think the south of argentina is possibly the most beautiful spot on earth, and i absolutely adore bariloche. yes, there are other towns that are probably prettier (san martín de los andes, villa la angostura, all worthy of a visit), but i've been lucky enough to go to bariloche many times thanks to a friend with family there, so it's very special to me. some of the most spectacular vistas everywhere, lots of trekking to do, sailing excursions, and even action adventures las rafting and the like, it's such a perfect place for me (bonus for my most favorite place there, the tea house bellevue, obligatory stop there!). i've only really visited during summer (except for that one time with the school graduation trip, of course), but i'd love to see it in winter, it must be gorgeous!
(here are some pics of mine, this last one is the view from bellevue, it's so dreamy!)
glaciar perito moreno - ok, while we're still in patagonia, i might as well mention the perito moreno glacier, cause it's honestly jawdropping. to be there, in silence, looking at that massive wall of ice, it's humbling and awe-inspiring, i don't know how else to put it. and if you're lucky enough to see the ice breaking and falling, i can't imagine how that would feel like. of course, global warming is definitely troubling when it comes to natural wonders like this, but man, it's simply incredible. i've heard there are excursions to walk on the ice as well, that's a bit scary to me, but it must be one hell of an experience.
valle de la luna and talampaya - two national parks (the first one literally called "valley of the moon", but its real name is national park ischigualasto) they are...something else. the valle de la luna is possibly the most otherwordly place i've ever seen. it's this vastness of rock carved by the wind, the sun, the water for millions of years, truly looking like an alien landscape. you can literally see the evolution of the earth in its geological formations, and it's also really important for paleontological research. talampaya is right next door and it's breathtaking as well, reddish and strange and wonderful (first pics are the valley of the moon, the other two talampaya).
cataratas del iguazú - probably the most famous one (natural wonder of the world!) but like, for a goddamned reason! absolutely insane experience that i'd love to relive someday because i was very young when i went there. but yeah, standing there and seeing the intense, beautiful, dangerous force of nature that is those immense waterfalls, it's crazy. i mean, one of the sections of the waterfall is called garganta del diablo, devil's throat, so yeah, this shit is POWERFUL. i'd loveee to do one of those crazy boat trips that get close to the waterfalls, that seems insane lmao. also i think they did night trips to the garganta del diablo? that must be a religious experience!
ciudad de buenos aires - i mean of courseeee i'm gonna say buenos airessss that is my PLACE. and sure, you know how a lot of the times natives end up knowing a lot less about their city than the tourists that come visit? yeah, i'm probably not the best guide, but i could show you the places that TRULY matter, like the botanical gardes that i love to chill in, and the street i love to walk on especially when the jacarandá trees are in bloom, or the cemetery that we all love, or that vegan place with kinda mid food but a really cool, funky atmosphere, or that escape room i've been meaning to go to. what i'm trying to say is that buenos aires is my place in the world, and i could never, ever leave here. i carry it in my bones and in my blood (and for the argentines reading this, Y SI, puta...y porteña <3). no professional, touristy pics here, just some random shit from my camera roll.
#argentina#juli answers#ask game#oh wow this got a bit long but i couldn't help myself#thanks for the opportunity to shout out my beautiful diverse country!#and still so many places that i didn't mention (and many that i need to visit as well!)#(that bottom middle pic from bs as is from when we won the world cup dont worry it's not like that every day lmao....OR IS IT)
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