#this goes out to my grandma who is the fucking worst and the best i hate that i love her she freaks me out

[titan-god-helios]

i dont understand why people can’t respect boundaries.

i said no. multiple times. and you still did it.

[spotsandsocks]

Fuck it Friday!

@tizniz @diazsdimples

As they say I did not mean for this to exist and yet here we are 1.3k later. Will put on ao3 later and tag everyone later- in my lunch and running out of time. And I need to set this free so I can know peace.

I got in my Eddie feels - aren’t we all right now, had thought and now… have some pain with a hopeful ending. I’m still sold in eddie being so deep in comphet he has no idea what to do. This is the push he needs. Demi Eddie for the win. No Eddie bashing here! Chris loves his dad and wants to help.

When you walk into your living room and find you parents, your son and your best friend sitting there waiting for you, you know things are bad.

To be honest he should of expected something like this.

Eddie stands frozen, awaiting his fate as his dad speaks first.

“We need to talk son.”

At least that’s true Christopher has barely said a word to him since it happened. Not that he blames him.

“We’re worried about you.”

Buck goes next but those words aren’t new he’s already said that and again Eddie doesn’t blame his friend for his feelings. Like he said last time he’s worried about himself too. It’s hard to get his head around the recent choices he’s made harder to think about the consequences.

It almost like it wasn’t him making the decisions. It’s almost like he doesn’t know who he is anymore but then has he ever?

“I’m going to go to Texas”

The third sentence comes from Christopher and is possibly the worst thing he’s ever had to listen to and Eddie has had to hear heartbreaking words so many times.

“What?”

That’s his voice. the first thing he’s said but it’s a barely a whisper. Surely even with everything that’s happened Chris can’t mean that.

His son looks at him, calm and steady and repeats himself.

“I’m going to Texas with grandma and abuelo.”

Eddie turns to his parents all his hurt and betrayal rushing to the surface, he’d thought… he’d let them back in, trusted them

His voice is louder now, “How could you? Why? Why would you try and take him away from me again. I thought..”

Chris stops him in his tracks

“They didn’t ask me. I asked them.”

There’s no words available to respond to that.

“Dad?”

His heart hurts. His head too, everything hurts. He’s fucked up again. Again, again, again. The worst things he knows he deserved this, he caused this nightmare it’s his fault, his fault every time.

Chris’ voice sounds far away.

“It’s not ‘cos I’m mad.”

Eddie doesn’t even hear him. He’s found words and they sound desperate.

“I’ll come with you.”

If Chris wants to leave he’ll do it. No matter the cost. No matter what he leaves behind.

Then that sacrifice is taken from him too.

“No. I don’t want you to.”

He can’t breathe. He’s dizzy, he can’t think. What has he done?

He can’t hear them when they call him.

“Dad?”

“Eddie?”

“Son? Mijo?”

“Eddie?”

“Dad?!”

He turns from them all and he runs.

An unheard voice chases after him.

“I’ll go.”

*

Standing by his sink trying to breathe like he’s been taught when this happens to him he doesn’t need to know who followed him when the footsteps stop.

Buck. Always Buck.

“He’s not trying to punish you”

He can’t turn around. Can’t look, not yet.

“Feels like it”

Soft and concerned, that’s how he sounds. Buck sounds like that a lot recently.

“He’s not. He wouldn’t. He loves you.”

There’s nothing but bitterness in his own words.

“Does he? Maybe he shouldn’t.”

“Eddie!” There’s censure in that word, Buck obviously disagrees and disapproves of that sentiment.

“He loves you. He’s angry and he’s hurt but he still loves you. You can be upset with someone and still love them. I think you know that better than anyone.”

He does.

“Then why is he going.”

He wishes he didn’t sound as heartbroken as he feels. Wishes he could still manage to hide some of his heart from this man.

“Because you need him to.”

Spinning around he turns on his best friend to challenge the stupidity of those words.

“What? I need him here with me. He has to stay with me.”

“Eddie.” Buck’s face and voice hold nothing but aching sympathy. It’s like a knife cutting him open which isn’t fair he’s already got so many wounds.

Then it gets worse because a new voice enters the kitchen.

“Dad… you always tell me I need to be myself, that that’s good enough.”

Eddie stares at his son standing there, just behind Buck, so tall now, so much older than he is in Eddie’s heart.

“But I don’t think you do that. You should do that if you want me to.”

It’s all to much and even rubbing his face doesn’t stop him feeling tired and defeated.

“Chris what are you talking about?

Buck looks down at Chris who nods. There’s unspoken words flowing between them and it’s obvious they’ve been talking about him.

Chris says “Buck can tell you. He worked it out. And he’s right. I do love you.”

Then he walks away, leaving Eddie staring at his friend and waiting for answers.

“Eddie, its it’s like… well, you were a dad and a solider and a medic and a husband. All before you were 20. Man! That’s a lot!!”

Buck takes a step closer.

“Hell Eddie I was a kid at nineteen, a baby, I had no idea who I was what I wanted, and you had to be all that. And your dad told me you had to “be the man of the house” when you were even younger than that.

So who are you? How can you know?

You’ve been so many things for everyone else. You try so hard to be “normal” I see that and I I know you think you’re broken, but you’re not.

You just haven’t really met you yet. How could you, when did you have the time?

That’s why Chris is going away. Just for the summer. He wants you to have time to be you. Find out who Edmundo Diaz really is.”

Eddie listens stunned and horrified. Are they right? Is that all true. He’s terribly afraid it might be.

Buck smiles soft, eyes still worried.

“It’s ok to go look for him.”

His words get stuck for a moment but this is Buck. He can say this to him.

“What if I don’t like him when I find him? What if he’s … not normal?”

“What’s normal huh? And seems unlikely- I think I know the real Eddie Diaz a little bit at least and he’s pretty great. Always will be.”

Buck’s close enough to touch now. He really wishes he would. He’d like a hug.

“Eddie, your life gave you no room to look for what you truly want for yourself. You have to do that now or I’m scared what might happen to you. You need time and space..”

“I don't want to be alone.”

The words leave his lips scared and true and then he gets something he wants for himself for the first time in a long time as Buck folds him into a hug.

He gets to be held while Buck speaks quietly.

“You won’t be. You got me. You’ll always have me. You told me I could have you back any day, well it’s any day and here I am - I’m not going anywhere.”

It’s a lot to deal with, think about but maybe he can do it with help.

“Promise?”

Buck’s body shakes with a laugh

“Pinky promise and Maddie would kill me if I broke one of those.

“He’ll come back?”

Eddie lets himself be held and given comfort by the only person who could. Which is probably something else he needs to think about.

“Of course he will, this is his home, you’re his Dad.”

He can share his fears with this man, he knows that he has before and he does again now.

“I don’t know if I know how to be anything else.”

Buck’s arms tighten around him.

“I know, but you’ll work it out cos even if you’re not sure who Eddie Diaz is, I am and I know he can do anything.”

Buck sounds so sure, maybe he’s right, maybe with help and time he can work out who he really is and what he really wants and then once he knows that, maybe he can find it.

Buck keeps holding him, keeps believing in him and that he can do anything even find happiness.

Maybe he can and maybe he won’t have to look very far.

[brooklynbedlam]

Raw Violence

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: You’ve finally pushed Joel past his limits. When your anger gets the best of you, Joel’s there to put you back in your place.

Content Warning: no Y/N, smut (oral- m receiving, degradation, hair pulling, dubcon, dirty talk, unprotected p in v, choking, spitting (if you squint), rough sex, sex in the mud, basically porn what can i say), dom!Joel, enemies to enemies with benefits, language, knife (if you squint)

A/N: i’m kind of mortified that this came from my brain, but i feel like it would be a disservice to not share these thoughts. hehe. honestly though- i would let Joel do things to me that would make my grandma cry.

Word Count: 2800

18+ under the cut! Minors DNI!

You liked to be an easygoing person. You prided yourself in it, in fact. But even you have your limits. In all your years of life, only one person could bring out the very worst of you, the parts you didn’t even think you had in you. Joel Miller. Only he could have you muttering under your breath such hateful thoughts that your mother would have washed your mouth out for. Arrogant jackass. Stupid fucking old man. His haughty posture, his irritating smirk, the obnoxious southern drawl- all of it crept under your skin down to your nerves. Your eyes stare down at your boots as you walk through the mud, keeping the imaginary verbal assault to yourself. It’s only when you run right into him that you realize he’s talking to you.

You distance yourself with a few steps back. Why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut for the rest of the patrol?

Joel turns around with that infuriating grin, “who you talking to back there?” he asks in a mocking tone. “No one” you reply, unwilling to even attempt pleasantness. “No need to get all worked up sugar”. There he goes again- testing your patience beyond what is humanly possible. If looks could kill, he’d be cold in the ground. You push him aside and keep moving forward down the trail. Joel chuckles and follows close behind unbothered. “What stick’s up your ass?” he jokes. You turn on your heels, index finger pushing right on his chest. “YOU,” you shout “are my problem”.

You somehow manage to stop yourself there. Your self-control amazes even him. More than anything you’d love to rip his ego to pieces and wipe that stupid smirk clean off his face. Joel takes a small step back, “Well, it’s clear this ain’t gonna be a pleasant conversation so why don’t you calm down and not say anything you might regret”. WOW. Where do you even start? Telling you to calm down or telling you not to say something you’ll regret? Now you swear your face must be bright red because you feel like you’re boiling, ready to blow. A dry chuckle leaves your lips as you mentally step off the edge and let your anger overtake everything. “Oh I’m sorry? Don’t want me to hurt your precious feelings there Joel?”. Your fists subconsciously clench with your jaw, knuckles going pale.

“Ain’t my feelings I’m worried about sweetheart. I’d rather be civilized with you but if you got another idea, fine. Do your worst”. Well, you heard him clearly, he was practically begging you to let every vile comment swirling around your brain out in the open. “You wouldn’t be able to handle the truth” you say confidently. Now that set something off in him. You see the change as his eyes go dark and his usual smirk turns into a threatening grimace. His posture makes you feel so small, but you keep your head high refusing to back down from this fight. “Oh yeah?” he growls, “You wanna run that by me again?”. Your entire nervous system is pleading to run, to apologize, and chalk it up to a bad night’s sleep. But you won’t, you can’t- not when it feels so good to finally let it all out.

“Gladly”. You push your chest out and straighten your posture, not nearly as tall but your eyes bore right into his. “You. Can’t. Handle. The. Truth”. Venom drips from your every word, you look for a sign that your words even landed because Joel stands unflinchingly. Almost like the words passed right through him, he refuses to break eye contact. “Oh, but I think I can. So go ahead: hit me with it. I dare you”. There’s a slight smile at the end of his sentence, a smile of that stupid arrogant confidence. He thinks he’s winning. You pause only for a moment to conjure up the cruelest thought you could dare speak. “Fine. Joel, you are the most insufferable prick I’ve ever met in my life. Every time I see you come around with that stupid goddamn smirk like you’re so high and mighty- I just wanna wipe that shit-eating grin off your face. You may think that every person in town is just so scared of you and your stories, but everyone sees you exactly for what you are- a coward”. For a moment Joel looks almost hurt, then he gets angry, real angry. The rage in his expression threatens to cause an explosion. Yet his voice is cold and controlled, an underlying danger in his tone. “That’s all huh? I’m guessing there’s more?” he replies stoically, his clenched jaw and wild eyes the only giveaways of what’s going on in his mind. Then a perfect addition comes to mind, something that will really bruise his ego.

“Yeah, there is. You’re such an asshole with your ridiculous sob story and how you drag that poor girl Ellie through hell just so you can play house again,” you barely even recognize yourself as the words leave your mouth but you keep going, now moving in even closer. “Frankly, I think you’re just a pathetic bastard”. For a moment you see the hate in his eyes, as if he’d like nothing more right now than to shoot you and leave you for the strays. And then, slowly, he lets out a low chuckle- a laugh that’s equal parts amusement, anger, and something else. When he finally speaks, his tone sounds…different. “You done?”. You can’t help but smirk and cross your arms, head high with a sense of victory. “I’m done”. A sense of pride settles in your chest, no witty remark from Joel this time. You’re completely caught off guard when he moves with deceptive speed, getting you in a lock with one hand, and a knife to your throat with the other. His face is inches from yours, a dark fury in his eyes. “You sure about that sweetheart? Nothin’ else you wanna get off your chest?”. His hand tightens around your throat, enough to feel the growing pressure. Joel burns with violent intensity, primal anger that seems to belong in the distant past; a threat, a warning, a promise.

With rapidly fading confidence you muster up another dig. “You don’t have the guts to stand your ground Miller, because you’re just an insecure little man”. Joel’s grip tightens another notch, impossibly close to cutting off your circulation altogether. A pathetic whimper leaves your mouth, betraying the little confidence you have left. He seems to notice the slight fear in your eyes and a smile pulls at his lips, “You really wanna bet?”. Your alarm bells are ringing, although it could just be your head pounding. Physically, he has you under his thumb. In a last-ditch effort to free yourself, you elbow Joel’s chest and break out of his grip. You quickly pull out your switchblade, evening the playing field. You notice a grin on his face. “Something funny Miller?”.

His hand grabs your wrist lightning fast and with brute force, sending the silver blade tumbling into the grass below. Joel looks unhurt, unflustered. “No, I just thought you’d put up a better fight”. Your grunts and squirming are to no avail as he effortlessly pins you into the tree behind you. One hand holds you down while his leg keeps you in place. Your breathing is heavy and you watch as his gaze lowers ever so slightly. You curse yourself for wearing a v-neck shirt, but especially for even getting yourself into this situation. A calloused hand slowly makes its way to your waist, gliding up the thin material of your shirt. His breath fans against your skin, “Give up?”.

Even though your heart is pounding, part of you finds it exhilarating. Your confidence returns if only just to satiate your curiosity. “Make me”. You bite down on Joel’s arm, hard enough for him to let go. He’s caught off guard and he pulls his arm back. You take the small window of opportunity to land a punch square in his jaw. Joel looks back unfazed as his hand brushes the stubble of his cheek. He laughs. It’s a cold, cold, calculating laugh, one that rings with the threat of death. Smiling down at you he looks amused, “You want me to make you?”. “I’d like to see you try”. Your brain is positively running on autopilot, replying out of pure instinct and void of any rational thinking. The hatred has now morphed into a strange blend of curiosity and something else that strikes you down to your core. You fight with every bone in your body to grapple with him, and though you are strong, it’s no match for Joel. In no time you’re down in the dirt, Joel pinning you down with his weight. He smiles and your heart sinks. It’s a terrifying smile with an undercurrent of unbridled violence. He doesn’t look hurt or even like he broke a sweat; he’s just as energetic as ever. The only difference now is the bulging weight you feel against your thigh. It sends electricity to your core as your mind runs wild. Joel moves his hand slowly down your chest, letting his rough hands relish the soft skin. His eyes lock on yours, and it’s a terrifying sight. He leans closer, and his voice is low, almost a whisper, yet it seeps into your very bones. “Say please”.

“No” You bark and focus all your energy on resisting the thoughts that are flooding into your mind. You know what he wants, what he’s asking. But you won’t let him win. “Final warning, sweetheart. I don’t play nice” he chuckles dryly, a feral bearing of teeth. At this point, all better judgment is out the window. There’s no backing out, your pride too fragile to do anything but stand your ground and make him regret ever existing. Joel is impossibly close, light breath fanning your face. Fuck it, you’ll fight dirty. You close in and kiss him with equal parts passion and hatred. His hands move to grip you, pawing anxiously at whatever skin his hands can find. With a rough grasp of your ass, you moan into the kiss before biting down on Joel’s lip just enough to draw blood. He smiles, pulling back with a small bead of crimson running down his lip. His face is ice cold, but you’re drawn to him. Attracted in a way that defies logic, explanation, or understanding. Your heart races, breath becoming heavier, you feel...strange. Like you want him, as if you need him, desire him. Your body and soul crave it even if blatantly disregarding your mind.

You bring a delicate hand to wipe a trace of his blood from your lip, and in an unexpected move you pull him down to your level and sit in his lap. Joel makes no effort to resist. That annoying grin on his face spurs you to grind into the rough denim of his pants, the dull friction sending shock waves up your spine. He does his best to hold back a groan but you can see it on his face just how much he’s enjoying this. You keep going, slowly building your orgasm to its peak. You’re so close. Blood rushes to your head and you feel electricity spark through your legs down to- fuck.  Just as quick as it came along, your pleasure disintegrates under you. Joel has pinned your hips down against him, stopping all your movement. You whine at the loss of motion. Cheap move.

He pushes you from his lap and stands, his erection clear under the thick jeans. “I think you’re confused darlin. You think you just get whatever you want?” he scoffs. “I’ll tell you how this is gonna work,” he says in his smooth Texas drawl, “you are gonna do whatever I tell you and if you can behave yourself then maybe I’ll consider giving you what you like”. Your head is still reeling from your almost orgasm, but you’re coherent enough to hear his instruction. He grabs you by the arm pulling you to your knees. Thick, calloused fingers tilt your chin up and drop your mouth open. Joel looks down at you expectedly as his leather belt leaves its loops. You stare daggers at him but he only grins “be a good girl for once, or I could just tie you here and leave you for the stragglers”. With that, you stifle your pride and release his confined cock. You pathetically take him in your mouth and lazily swirl your tongue around the angry, leaking tip. That wasn’t enough. He thrust mercilessly into your throat as you struggled to breathe, gagging on his thick length. Joel’s lips parted with sinful growls as he guided your head. You were nothing more than a means to his end, he could care less about the air struggling to make it into your lungs or the saliva that dripped onto your chest.

He suddenly pulled out, hissing at the loss of contact. “Get on the ground and take off your clothes”. A simple request in itself but you stared unsure whether to comply or face the consequences. Deciding on the former, you look into those cold brown eyes while removing every article of clothing. Joel smirks as his hungry eyes wander your naked body, imagining what you’ll feel like, what kind of heavenly noises he could conjure out of you. He brings himself down the ground, approaching needily. You could still smell the coffee on his breath and the faint smell of his woodsy cologne as he hovered over. Your breath hitched at the sensation of his cock prying at your weeping hole. Without warning, he fully sheathed himself to the hilt. A shaky cry left your lips as you struggled to adjust to the size. Joel held himself still, composing himself, only for a moment before setting a violent pace. You braced yourself on all fours but soon found the force to be too much. Your arms weakened and buckled leaving you“You’ll do anything I say won’t you?” he looks down almost with pity. Brain rotted with pleasure, you stutter to make even a simple response. That answer doesn’t suffice. Not for Joel. A firm hand pulls at your hair, lifting your eyes to look right at him. “Answer me”. He grips your hips tighter, pushing you deeper into the mud. Your hands blindly search for an anchor, left to dig into the mud and branches underneath you for support. “Yes Joel!” you yell, using all your focus to get the words out. There is just a hint of cruelty at the center of the darkest, most dangerous eyes you’ve ever seen. But they’re on you, all for you. “You like that huh? You like what I’m givin’ ya?”. 

Joel’s groans build as you watch the light brown strands of his hair mat to his forehead and his teeth grit. He wants more and more- an unbridled, raw, and ravenous hunger for you and you alone. And for once you see eye to eye. He’s all you can see, all you can hear, all you can feel. The cold mud underneath and ever-dimming sunlight aren’t even an afterthought. “Now tell me sweetheart, who would you do anything for?”. It’s like something else is controlling him; his own animalistic desire a creature all its own. A force of nature, the likes of which only the apocalypse could make a man. “You.....you.....you” comes out in pathetic whimpers. Tears prick at your eyes, it’s just too much. His hands grabbing at your skin, his thick cock burying deep inside you, the beautiful sounds coming from his mouth as he uses you. He notices and threatens “not yet”. Joel digs his fingers into the plush flesh of your hips as his relentless pace begins to falter. “Now come for me darlin'”. Relief floods your body as you finally get your release, crying out and clawing into the earth. Feeling you tense around his cock, Joel pushes himself to the brink with a merciless pace. Your name leaves his mouth like a primal chant, pulsing into you, letting you milk him for everything he’s got.

You’re left panting breathlessly in the cold air, skin warm with thousands of red hot nerve endings alight. “See, you’re a good girl when you stop using that head of yours”. For once, you don’t have a snarky response. Joel’s face meets yours just mere inches apart.  He smiles, dark eyes black as pitch- burning, burning. With breaths just starting to settle he finally breaches the distance. It’s a surprisingly soft kiss, to juxtapose the violent, selfish acts that preceded it. But deep within it a hint of a deeper truth; something that's hidden for all this time.

[skeeverboy]

hi i love making lists and rankings. this is my ranking of all tfb albums from worst to best.

yes i've ranked tfb albums before im trying to go more in depth on this one and also my opinions may or may not have changed

Going Grey

It's experimental. It's stylistically different from the albums leading up to it. It's branching in a new direction, their first step into a slightly more pop sound. And it is boring.

A couple tracks sound the same to me. There's no pull factor for me, it's all around just kind of dull when compared to other TFB albums.

That is to say, though, I do love this album. Peace Sign goes hard, love the connection to Tie Dye Dragon. You Used to Say is a pretty solid opener. Vacation Town is a classic (though it is overplayed ngl)

8.4/10

In Sickness & In Flames

I love this album, I really do. Stylistically I think it's really significant to the TFB timeline, marking their journey into the more pop side that they're exploring recently. There are some absolute BANGERS also - love bus beat, love montgomery forever, love Fairbanks, Alaska. This was also the most recent album when I started listening to TFB.

With that, I think a lot of the album is kind of forgettable. I mean, come on- new song d, the hard way, make way, love at first sight. I forget they exist. Also, for some reason, I just cannot stand everyone blooms and it's the opener to the album. It puts a bad taste in my mouth for the entire thing.

8.9/10

You Are Who You Hang Out With

I reviewed this album on my other blog and gave it an 8.6 but that's changing today because my opinions are subjective and change every hour. This album is great, I don't care what anyone says. Most of the time I genuinely think the autotune and heavy editing works.

It did take some time for me to get used to it, not going to lie. I loved Outlook when it came out, but Emotional was... rough at first. It's absolutely warmed up to me, though. It can feel kind of repetitive sometimes, but I really like how they experimented with style and put out something truly unique.

9.0/10

My Grandma Vs. Pneumonia

I am such a sucker for 2000s/early 2010s TFB. I love the raw sound, and this shit is the DEFINITION of raw and unfiltered. I love this album with all my heart, I love the vocals (controversial, I know), I love the style, I love the simplicity and the lyrical style.

Some of this album is a little forgettable, and there are a few in here that were remade to just be so much better. The Theresa version of Supply of Power and the Rose version of Flying Model Rockets absolutely desimate and are just incredible. Though, I will say, the original I Think Your Nose Is Bleeding is better.

Definitely a hit or miss depending on who you are, but I am the type of person to EAT THIS SHIT UP.

9.3/10

The Front Bottoms

This album is an absolute classic. Really similar in style to IHMF and MGVP but sounding just a little more polished. This album has some of the gayest songs ever.

The lyrics speak to the heart. Every track is memorable and incredible. The use of trumpet in certain tracks is really nice, though it's incorporated better in later albums.

9.5/10

Talon of the Hawk

Just an incredible album all around. It's super energetic in an absolute delightful way. It's the perfect blend of their older kind of rough folk-y style while remaining polished and sounding complete. Older albums often sound like they're unfinished demos. Not TotH.

The use of trumpet and other instruments is strong. Some of TFB's most iconic songs are in this album. The knife is iconic. It is the Front Bottoms album.

9.7/10

Back on Top

I love this album so fucking much. Every song is incredible. The style, with the heavy use of electric guitar, is wonderful. It feels very light, very summery.

While it's less iconic than TotH, I'd say some of the most underrated songs are in Back on Top. 2YL, Ginger, The Plan, HELP, all absolutely breathtaking songs.

God I love this album.

9.9/10

I Hate My Friends

This is the most biased top pick ever. But yeah, this is one of my favorite albums of all time, maybe even my favorite of all time. I love the old TFB sound, I love the lyrics, I love the subject matter, I love the immature angst, I just overall love it so much.

I'm getting a fucking tattoo of this album, I have to put it at the top.

10/10

[whimsicalprattler3]

-RANDOM RANDOMING:- Bad part: Now I always try to keep in mind the worst case scenario for anything so I'm somewhat prepared for it when it hits, leads to a lot over overthinking. I tried to sleep at 22:50ish and got into a dream in 5 minutes. I lived a whole new life in the dream and it wasn't a good one. It was me being extremely introverted since my childhood days and managed to make almost no friends, the only loved ones in my life were my grandma, my parents. Then it turns out I've been having a bad day(in the dream) and then I find myself in a car with all my loved ones. We then get into a car crash which kills everyone but me. OFC this wakes me up. Only 50 mins or so have passed(23:40ish). I then avoid sleeping for a bit and sleep early in the morning. Fucking bullshit , the dream resumes from where it ended. I receive the insurance money the next day of the funeral. Then I meet relatives who I can already imagine are drooling after the money. After this it keeps skipping to 1 month later, 3 months later, 6 months later, 1 year later and 3 years later. All the while I've developed trust issues and have not been able to form any new bonds and am basically alone. Finally one day I find a girl who I immediately click with (not romantically btw, just as a good friend and get into her circle too). I finally want to live and be happy, I've got good company, I've started doing a lot better financially too so don't have to rely on the insurance money. Ig it's only a few days since I've met them. Then when I'm on my way back home in my car, happy about how life has changed and overjoyed about my new will to live.... I get into a fucking lethal accident. I don't know who or which car hit me or how I died cause I instantly woke up after that. It took me another 20 mins to process this shit. Fuck them goddamn dreams and people wonder why I'm awake all night. Still I decided to be cheerful with a simple game of luck. I've got around 47 different types of songs all in one playlist and named it 'Fluctuations'. I spot 'Attention' by Charlie Puth in the middle of the playlist. I go, "I'll click 'Shuffle Play' and if that song plays, things will get worse today, if it's any other songs I'll do my best to cheer up." I click 'Shuffle Play' and ISTG it plays 'Attention' by Charlie Puth. WHAT ARE THE FUCKING CHANCES, I'll tell you it's 2.0833% , that how much luck was required to fuck me over. Then I proceeded to go to my classes and meet with friend, turns out she's in the next class and as I'm about to enter the class I get a full on flashback of the dream which makes me wanna not enter the class anymore cause it's not really pleasant. And turns out the universe is not done fucking me. When I reached the centre the lyrics were , "Cause every time I open up, it hurts So I'm never gonna get too close to you Even when I mean the most to you In case you go and leave me in the dirt" When I'm about to enter the door and the flashback plays it went; "But I'm just a tourist to you" and it was the end of the song. This song played after the above one. I decide to shuffle I decide to start the playlist again and start walking to my class and take some time off instead and this fucking stroke of luck , MY FUCKING GOD.... It goes, "I'm way too good at goodbyes (I'm way too good at goodbyes) No way that you'll see me cry (no way that you'll see me cry)" I almost lost my last shred of sanity. I was about to throw hands with air. [GOOD ENDING IN COMMENTS]

[boing-o-deactivated20260725]

tw domestic abuse and drug addiction and whatever. venting

i only have one friend and I can't tell her about this so I'm putting it here. hoping for some relief knowing there's a possibility someone else sees it. will delete.

my dad has this buddy who's living at my grandma's house. he's been in and out of prison for 30 years, mostly for drug possession, burglary, and petty fights. my dad is also absolutely convinced that this guy is on his "path to redemption". every time he comes up, my dad goes on long rambles about how it's his principle to forgive people and offer them grace over and over. i think he sees himself in that guy, they're very similar personality-wise.

personally I don't like him. he has a dog that he treats very roughly and speaks about minorities like he knows he's above them. you can tell a lot about a person based on how they treat people they think are below them. my dad would not listen to me but this guy is a walking red flag. i think he's dangerous.

my mom has some biased against drug addicts and working class people, that's absolutely true. but she is justified when she says she doesn't want me and my sister around him. last night I heard my parents yelling, which isn't unusual, so I went to go check if my sister was asleep (she was). I went to my parents' door to listen, it was about that guy. My mom said something quietly, and then my dad fucking wailed like a toddler. like just a scream of frustration. he said a lot of things-

"you aren't even human. you're so unsympathetic. you're failing the kids by not teaching them empathy. what it wrong with you? you are the worst, coldest person I've ever met." and I heard pillows moving and him hitting her. somewhere in this exchange he locked the door. then he screamed

"you started this! you're the aggressor! I'm trying to de-escalate and you hit me with that fucking book". my mom gasped something about him hitting her with pillows first and I heard him get quiet, I heard his voice get strained like it does when you're carrying something heavy and my mom started wretching. i heard the bedsheets move and I knew exactly what was happening - he was on top of her, choking her. he muttered some more things, maybe something about killing her? he called her a whore.

i didn't know what to do but I felt like I had to do something so I went to my room and called my mom's cell. i was going to pretend to ask about going to the store, hopefully force a break in the fight. obviously they didn't pick up- I wasn't thinking very clearly when I tried that- and after about 3 rings my mom started screaming. it wasn't even screaming, it just sounded like garbled drowning sounds. at that point I thought - fuck it, I don't care if he hurts me too, and I ran and beat on the door as hard as I could. i don't know when he got off her, but it was my mom who unlocked the door. she was literally purple in the face. she was wet and panting and wide-eyed.

I stood there for a beat- and then I yelled something like,

"the entire household can hear you. and you (dad) you expect me to have ANY respect for you when I hear this shit all the fucking time? take a fucking drive. leave" I wasn't really trying to make a point. i wasn't thinking very clearly.

he cut me off, and put on his best victim face- like I could see gears turning in his head- and he screamed at me and assortment of phrases like

"she started it, she's violent, she hit me with the book first- I'm the one hurt in this situation!"

i didn't believe a word but I said

"it doesn't matter who hit who, both of you take a drive, please."

it didn't work. he started wailing again- LITERALLY like a toddler-

"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I'M THE VICTIM HERE! I'M A VICTIM! I'M A VICTIM! SHE'S THE COLDEST HUMAN BEING I'VE EVER MET."

I don't remember what happened then, but my dad ended up in the bedroom, my mom ended up with her mother, who lives with us, and I ended up outside. things were de-escalated for now.

my mom and her mother talked to me in the backyard for a while. my mom said,

"that wasn't the first time he's done that. i want to call the police."

i said "will it do good to call the police? what if CPS gets involved?" i wasn't trying to dissuade her but I worry it came out that way.

we talked for a while longer about that, I don't remember all of it. my grandma started recounting the situation to me, and I asked why she was telling me that, she said she was processing it herself.

we talked for another 15 minutes, and my grandmother made up her mind- she was going to go talk to him and let him know she wasn't going to keep her head down about him beating her daughter. she was willing to take his blows too. she had to make some sort of stand.

i told her not to, and that we didn't know what he would do. she said she didn't care, went inside. i heard my dad screaming again in seconds.

my grandmother doesn't speak much English, and my dad doesn't speak much Russian, so the fighting was a collection of broken sentences, ruglish, "no-you stop yelling", "no-you keep your hand other from my daughter", "SPEAK ENGLISH!!"

my dad started screaming, not even bothering to shut my grandmother up, "She's not human! she's not even human! she's the coldest, most callous person I've ever met!" and I interjected myself. I shouldn't have, it wasn't my fight, but I was not thinking clearly. I put myself between them.

i heard myself talking, but it didn't sound like my voice. i was talking softly and levelly, trying to calm my dad down. i remember saying "don't worry about it, we'll fix it later, go take a drive, just stop and listen for a second". i sounded like a little girl.

obviously it didn't work, both of them kept screaming like I wasn't there. i remembered pushing my grandmother away from him and begging him to stop for one second. i didn't know what else to do, so I just started fucking crying. My dad screamed, "THERE ARE TOO MANY FUCKING WOMEN AROUND HERE." i don't remember what happened then, but my dad was saying something about blaming my mom and grandmother, and I went to get my sister. it wasn't rational either, I just felt like I had to take her for a walk. i wasn't sure if she was listening to this in her room, pretending to be asleep, I wasn't sure if me or her would get hurt next, so I felt like I had to.

I woke her up (she was actually asleep, somehow) and said to her in my best calm voice

"hey, do you want to go to the playground? let's go to the playground!"

she said, "why? it's too late to go outside"

i said, "we'll sneak out, they won't even know" and I pulled on her arm

she said "I don't want to." and I broke down. i just stood there sobbing with my face in my hands. i said "please, please let's just go. please" and she stared at me. she looked worried but mostly confused.

while this was happening we could still hear screaming. Something about the police. I ran past the fight to get our shoes.

My sister had locked herself in the bathroom and wasn't going anywhere. I just stood there feebly by the door, waiting for her. I felt so utterly pathetic. I felt like I was 7 again. I felt like there was nothing I could do, I couldn't even take care of my sister, and I felt ashamed for feeling like I should in the first place.

My mom saw me and ran over, angry herself now, demanding where I was going. I said, the playground, and she yelled "no, you can't leave the house!" I saw my dad in the doorway, asking what I was doing. my mom told him. i don't remember what happened next.

the next sort of snapshot, I had given up on getting my sister out of the house, nobody was involving her, so I went to my room in defeat. My parents had fought again. My mom would later tell me she tried to call 911, but he had grabbed her phone before she could press call. I think he got physical again, I'm not sure.

He got his keys to leave and my mom said "you can't do that, the police will get you. if you leave you're resisting arrest."

he wailed "you already called them??" and left.

my mom didn't actually call the police.

I went to the backyard again. then locked myself in my room. then my mom came to talk to me. it was a really long conversation. the entire time I was so fucking tense because I was scared I would hear the garage door opening, car keys being set down, shoes being taken off, but I didn't. my mom told me about wanting a divorce, but being so, so scared, said he did that before and hurt her. she said she felt like she was failing because now we had seen. i told her

"I already know, even if I haven't seen it, because I hear fighting at night and see how he gaslights her during the day."

I talked about how he talks down to me too, said something about whether she could continue the cycle of hiding it and doing what he wants. we talked for a really long time but I don't want to recall all of it now honestly. somehow I wound up playing tetris. I went to sleep.

my mom mentioned being scared when my dad horse plays with me and my sister because she knows he can't control his force sometimes. that really struck me, because as a child I always thought she had such a stick up her ass for not letting me horseplay a bit. i feel awful.

i don't feel like myself right now. I don't know when I will again. I don't want to talk to anybody in my family. I don't know how I'm supposed to continue. After fights, my parents each tell me their side of the story, literally trying to convince me. It's like they need their 17-yead-old's validation. I don't want to listen to it anymore, especially not about this.

I've always known my father is abusive. I don't think I've had a lick of respect for him since I was 12. But I've gotten really good at keeping the peace, putting my personality into a box but letting just enough inane silliness out that I still seem human. I don't know how much longer I can. I was planning to keep my head down. move out at 18, cut my parents off at 21, be broke and carve out a living for myself, but I don't know if I can keep my head down longer. how am I supposed to act neutral to this? if I am amiable with my dad, my mother will feel betrayed and retreat back into herself. if I'm cold towards him... i don't know how he will react.

the fact that that's even something I have to think is so fucked up.

i want to feel like myself. i don't want to feel a decade younger. i don't want to face my dad and his gaslighting. i want to consume media I like without seeing last night in every frame. I'll probably sleep all day.

[wrenrogue]

Generally Canon Compliant Kuroken AU where they end up going to the same university. They also see each other as nothing but friends and somehow were able to became roommates. One night, Kuroo drags Kenma to a party.

It's all good for the most part, but then some of the party goers are like "let's play some high school party games for the nostalgia!!" and so they do, and of course the first one is "seven minutes in heaven" and kuroo and kenma are the lucky bastards to be chosen to go first.

They both sheepishly shuffle themselves into the closet, Kuroo being like, "hahah guys we're friends this is weird nothing will happen," before they get locked in. In the closet, both boys are a bit awkward about things, both wondering if anything will happen and after 30 seconds, Kuroo finally speaks. "So, how should we approach this?"

Kenma stays quiet for a bit and then goes, "I don't mind actually going through with it, we're friends, what's the worst that can happen?"

"I dunno Kenma, you might traumatize me by being a bad kisser"

"You say that like you're any better."

"How do you know my kissing skill level?"

"Kuro, you've only kissed one (1) girl in your whole life and that was your grandma"

"All I'm hearing is that you wanna challenge me to a kiss-off"

"Fine, best kisser wins something."

"If I win, you will stop playing video games at 3am on blast and actually sleep"

"And if I win, you will clean the whole apartment for an entire month without my help and without blasting marina and the diamonds"

"Not Marina!"

"I said what I said"

"Fine, you're gonna lose anyway"

So they get closer to each other and they're chest to chest (?) when-

"Kuro, you have to lean down I can't reach your face"

"Oh right, gotta help the little guy someti-OW, was that kick to my shin really necessary?"

"Yes."

"You're so romantic, Kenma. I'm falling in love already"

"Please don't, that would be a nightmare."

"Agreed, I would hate to fall in love with slouchy mcgee"

"Just lean down and fucking kiss me already you gee-" Kenma never has the chance to let go of that last voiceless velar plosive because Kuroo has effectively leaned down and caught Kenma's lips in a soft kiss. He's stunned at first, but then Kenma closes his eyes and kisses back, or at least they stay connected, but don't actually move their lips.

Kuroo is the one to break the kiss. "That one sucked, we can do better." Kuroo says before cornering Kenma and leaning down again, this time Kenma is more prepared and kisses Kuroo back with more intensity, wrapping his arms around his neck.

Their lips glide against each other as Kuroo places his hands on Kenma's hips. Kenma's giving it his all and so is Kuroo, because they cannot lose to the other dammit. Kenma bites on Kuroo's bottom lip and Kuroo thinks, why the fuck not, and opens up his mouth just a bit, which Kenma immediately takes as the okay for him to slip his tongue in.

They have never french kissed anyone before, so theyre kinda not sure what theyre doing, but they're eager to one-up the other so they keep kissing to the best of their ability. Kuroo gets bold and gives Kenma a butt squeeze as he nibbles on his lip and shut up, Kenma did not moan, that was probably some cat outside, he swears.

Kenma wants payback as he drags his fingers through Kuroo's surprisingly soft hair, tugging it, Kuroo groans and Kenma takes advantage of this and pulls again, because he can't lie, that was pretty hot.

They're very much into their snogfest and they don't notice when someone opens the closet door and exposes them to everyone outside. It isn't until someone awkwardly coughs that they stop and come back to the mortal realm.

They immediately break up and are like "good time, it's time for us to leave, bye" and rush out. They are mortified for many reasons but mostly because they were kinda into the sloppy makeout session they just had, and also because they don't know who won the bet. They get home and are like, "haha yeah that happened, we should talk about it tomorrow"

Tomorrow comes and they sit across from each other on their lil kitchen table.

"So"

"So."

10 minutes pass as they twiddle their thumbs, UNTIL-

"Um, so should we just leave it as a draw?"

Kenma, not wanting to think about how he really liked kissing Kuroo is like "Uh, okay, yeah."

They try to go back to normal as best they can and treat each other like usual for the most part, but they're both kinda thinking about kissing the other 95% of the time. Kuroo would be like, "this pillow is so soft" and his mind would provide, "just like Kenma's soft pouty lips." And Kenma would stare at Kuroo's hair and think about how he would groan if Kenma tugged just right.

They were having lunch at some random restaurant one day and while Kuroo was digging into his ravioli, Kenma was thinking, was Kuroo actually attractive this whole time??? Likewise, Kuroo was like Was Kenma always this cute???, when he walked into Kenma scarfing down a bag of cool ranch doritos.

It got worse as the days passed to the point that their usual routine of bickering and slap fights were replaced with "sorry, I didn't mean to brush my elbow against your elbow, I will try not to think about how nice and soft your skin felt against mine, since that's scandalously lewd of me" and "I was not breathing in your general direction, I swear. I'm not a pervert!"

The last straw was when kenma woke up after having a wet dream about kuroo and had the epiphany that "I'm fucking Gay for Kuro why does god hate me so much????" He decides to talk to his bestie about it the next morning because this was going too far.

Kuroo, like usual, was making breakfast by the stove and noticed how tense kenma was as soon as he appeared in the kitchen. "Is everything okay, you look more tired than usual?"

"Kuro, we need to talk."

"Talk about what? Did something happen?"

Kenma sighs as he sits on the kitchen counter. He wanted to look relaxed enough so that kuroo wouldn't worry.

"Kenma, you're worrying me. What did you need to talk to me about?" because of course Kuroo would not fall for Kenma's antics.

Kenma took a deep breath. It's now or never. "Kuro..."

"Yeah?"

"I think..."

"Go on"

"I think I...hmm..."

"Use your words, kenma"

"Shut up I'm trying"

"Sorry."

"I think..."

"You sure do think a lot"

"Kuro, I swear to god-"

"I'm sorry, I'll stop, I swear"

Kenma glares at kuroo for a minute and then takes another deep breath. "I think...I like you," he says, immediately hiding behind his hair. He shuts his eyes and waits for Kuroo's reaction and he hopes to everything that is holy that he doesn't regret what he just did.

"Kenma, hey." He feels a hand brushing his hair away from his face, but he refuses to open his eyes. "Kenma, it's okay, look at me." Kuroo speaks so softly that kenma decides to look at his friend. He's holding on to the counter so intensely that he feels his fingers hurting.

When he looks at his friend, he's taken aback by how tenderly Kuroo is looking at him.

Kuroo gently cups Kenma's cheek with his hand, ghosting his thumb against his lips. "I think I like you too," He confesses.

Kenma stays silent, processing what kuroo had just said. Everything seems to click into place as they stare at each other in their kitchen, no thoughts, heads empty, just gay.

"Should we do something...about it?" Kenma finally says.

Kuroo shivers at how Kenma's lips brush against his thumb. "I think so...yeah."

They lean forward and their lips meet once again, but this time, it wasn't for a bet. Their feather light kisses eventually became a bit more eager, a bit more passionate. Kuroo found himself in between Kenma's legs in an attempt to get closer to him on the counter.

Kuroo had moved on to leaving open mouthed kisses up the column of Kenma's neck, while kenma had his hands up Kuroo's shirt, when they smelled smoke.

"Oh fuck, the bacon!" Kuroo immediately turned around to turn off the stove, leaving kenma kiss bruised and a bit disoriented.

"Fuck, fuck, the bacon didn't make it."

"Kuro."

"Oh god, why didn't the fire alarm go off. There's so much smoke."

"KURO" Kuroo stopped to look at kenma.

"Yeah?"

"Open a window, we can make more bacon, and I'd rather we continue where we left off."

Kuroo looked surprised at Kenma's boldness, but then his bastard energy kicked in and a smug grin appeared on his face. "You want me that bad, huh?"

"Yes."

"Kenma, I'm the one that's supposed to be smooth," Kuroo says, definitely NOT blushing.

"Just get over here and kiss me already."

"Only because you want me so bad."

"I'm having regrets."

"You don't mean that."

"I wish I did."

"You don't mean that either."

"Kuro, I'm waiting."

"You're so hot when you're bossy"

"Kuro-"

Kenma never finishes his thought and he's okay with that as long as Kuroo keeps kissing him, and Kuroo isn't one to disappoint.

[danpovenmire]

An episode where its canon that phineas and ferb built the time machine used in infinty war. Bonus if they also meet tony and he just goes" wtf"

Who the fuck is Tony? Why would you think any character on my show is allowed to say “wtf?” I think I have a cavity in the lower right side of my mouth. That’s going to be so upsetting if I have to have a dental procedure. For one, I don’t have the funds to comfortably spend on dental care. Secondly, I hate the mere idea of having a root canal. Are root canals for cavities? Regardless, I don’t think I can survive this. This is going to be the worst moment of my life if it turns out to be a cavity. I had them frequently when I was younger (1971-1979). I don’t remember how they were fixed back then but maybe that is for the best. I brush three to four times a DAY. This should not be happening to me! Sure, I am guilty of not flossing as frequently as Diane the Hygienist wants me to. The pain has subsided drastically since I began writing this. Is that a good sign? Or does the pain come and go? Whatever. All that matters is spending the rest of my evening with my favorite Youtube Video: 10 Hours of Windows 3D Maze. I could get lost spiritually for all 600 minutes of this video. Once the final second of the video hits, I return to this plane of existence with a renewed and refreshed perspective on all that surrounds me. There is nothing better than this experience. Well, maybe Supermarket Sweep re-runs. Or extra done steak, burnt to a crisp. Or the smell of the moon. Or a hug from my neighbor 5 houses down and his grandma. Or designing Mario self-inserts. Or getting lost in the eyes of a stranger on the bus to work in the morning. Or kissing a crow on the head. Or proofing a Funko Pop design of yourself, a Tiktok STAR. Or meeting bail requirements. Or finally facing your fears of the ghost that haunts your shed. Or watching an Adam Sandler cinematic masterpiece. Or successfully forgetting the New Years Resolution you made in January. Or receiving a… why am I listing all of this? Anyways, today is a national holiday. Please go celebrate and stop sending me shit like this - I am DONE with the MCU crossovers! Goodnight!

[cakepoppresent]

Call Me Grams 3

* In the kitchen*

Mariah: The first time you brought a girl home. You must like her a lot

Vaughn: ...You can say that

Mariah: I hope you're serious about her Vaughn. She seems like a very sweet girl

Vaughn: She is grams...she is

Mariah: You aren't your father. You need to do better and if you are serious about Miss Veronica, you need to BE better.

Vaughn stays quiet, it's been on his mind for a while, and he knows Veronica can do better. Someone who knows what they want to do in the future someone determined. It doesn't help that he approached Veronica with less than-great intentions. He doesn't know where he stands anymore. He wants Veroinca close but he knows he doesn't deserve it

Vaughn: I know Grams don't worry

Mariah: Good. I want to hear good news only. Now let's eat

Dinner goes great, the room is filled with laughter and Mariah's attention is all on Veroinca asking her question after question. Brooklyn also tries to embarrass Vaughn whenever she can. Before they know it, it is dark outside and Brooklyn suggests they stay the night

Mariah doesn't give them a chance to argue. Vaughn takes veroinca to his room so they can get ready for bed. They shower and lay in bed together

Veronica: Your grandma is really sweet

Vaughn: Yea she's the best, I don't know what I would do without her and my cuz is a pain in my ass

Veronica: What about your dad?

Vaghun stays quiet he hates his dad. It's a shame his mom had to die and not that bastard

Vaughn: He is in San My

Veronica: Doesn't sound like you guys are close at all

Vaughn: Not at all he is a bitch

Veronica: Always bringing up bad feelings. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to

Vaughn places his hands softly on Veroinca's face. He hates his dad so much. A weak man with no backbone and no morals. Being related by blood is probably the worst thing to happen to Vaughn

Vaughn: He's the reason my mom died...she was sick and needed money for surgery and treatment but Grams didn't have that kind of money. We asked him to help us out but he wouldn't even give us the time of day. Just a bastard who listens to only his mother. By the time we were able to get some funds, it was too late...she had passed. That bastard didn't even attend her funeral. The next time we saw him was when I was in high school. He was asking to take me back to San Myshuno since his current wife couldn't give him a son. He's a piece of shit and you don't ever have to worry about him. Not Ever.

Veroinca moves out of Vaughn's embrace and cradles his head in her chest

Veronica: Im sorry Vaughn your dad fucking sucks" Vaughn hugs her back

Vaughn: Yea the fucking worst

Talking about his father always makes him want to throw up, he hates that man so much. But talking to Veronica in her arms calms him down, he feels so secure and warm in her arms that he doesn't want her to let go. He doesn't want to ever let go.

Previous - Next

[lostacelonnie]

True but thats like. Part of the charm almost. All the issues. Yeah thankfully the days are lengthening again & the terrible holiday season has finally passed, which made me. So tired. Hence my response delay. Yeah they should chill but im glad that the last bit was. Easy for you? I was around my family for like. A day. & it was exhausting i can only imagine what a week takes out of you. I wish more americans were like that some guy tried to talk to me a bit at the theater yesterday when i went to see godzilla minus one & it was exhausting. Also funny story everyone at my work was so exhausted last week i said something in spanish to my co worker from el salvador & he completely did not understand because of exhaustion. Oh that pretty cool. I had to learn so that i wasn't like. Having sandwiches & ramen all the time & now im trying to find time to make my own bread so like. Slippery slope. But yeah knowing a few recipes is always a good idea. Thats always the best, having friends who are chill with quiet. Does anyone have a good school? I will believe in the process because star rail is also giving me that pain with argenti's story quest & ruan mei's swarm thing. Ah okay so antimatter legion but less controlled in a way. Oh so thats what herscherr means. How come some have like multiple herscherr forms if ive seen right? Entymology is very interesting i love it. I sure need to remember traces & such more i keep forgetting. & it shows in my multi target dps characters. Worlds worst wingwoman indeed i love her. Cant wait to get further into it & see more claire. Roguelikes are a lot of fun i enjoy them greatly. I thought they would annoy me but hades proved me wrong. Noita sounds fun ill check it out at some point. Himeko mvp of all time she better survive penacony. Whoa that's a lot of seele lore. I love her damn. Explains her a bit in star rail too. What with sea of quanta, themes of death, scythe as a weapon. Also cocolia connection. And bronya really went hard for seele damn i love her too. Are her legs being broken why she like. Uses something to hover in the game? Have any other bronya facts? Or mei? Im glad your polish post radar works so well.

it really is ADHFGLSKFKG. and god yeah FINALLY. also happy new year!!!!!! very late but still!!!!!! this was my first week back in school after the holidays [well. actually it was Two Days] but im already tired. aooougugh. but oh well! GOD. my family In General is like. Fine. i really dont mind them. but i have to stay with my grandma who is just impossible to coexist with...... luckily my mom allowed me to mostly just hang out in our room and not interact with her that much since she shares my opinion. and augh that sounds. Irritating. i enjoy being left the fuck alone. AHDKKS it really is like that........ on wednesdays we have 8 am classes with the one teacher we have that speaks Exclusively spanish so we often do a irl co op mission with the entire group if we wanna convey like literally any message to her. and oh understandable!!! im probably gonna end up the same way sjfkgj. my mom never really taught me to cook since she doesnt like to do it [which, i get it] but i personally really enjoy the process so well see how that goes. AND FOR REAL i genuinely do not believe theres such thing as a good school. or even a Normal school. also fairrrrrr i actually returned to star rail for ruan mei [<- not immune to Pretty Autistic Women] and also had trouble with the swarm boss...... actually made me update my clara build. can you believe this. but tbh i havent done argentis quest yet and im fully spoiler free so im gonna see how that goes JDJGKKSJG. and yeah!! and with multiple herrscher forms its like. usually people obtain multiple herrscher forms either in like. change in belief? approach? which lets them harness other parts of their power [or add new ones], like in the case of HoFlamescion or HoTruth; merge [HoRimestar]; or find a new external source of their power [CE HoOrigin, HoFinality]. but i dont believe its ever explained in Detail so yeah. but generally, the power of a herrscher is stored in their herrscher core, so obtaining multiple cores can give people multiple authorities [like in the case of sirin]. but as i said, typical Honkai Confusion. ETYMOLOGY IS SUPER FUN YEAH...... and for real. if manaria has 1000 fans i am one of them if manaria has 1 fan its me against the world if manaria has no fans i am dead. noita IS fun but i should warn you youre not gonna get anywhere without external guidance. i mean. Maybe you will but its gonna be frustrating as hell and near impossible. its that kind of game. but the fanbase knows that and is actually very helpful!!! solving this games secrets is a team effort. as of right now i have 63h in and 2 wins [got one today, actually! congrats, me.] but i rec it heavily. its fun. AND YES GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HI3 FANS SCARED ARE FOR HSR HIMEKO. they cant take her from us again............ AND YES SEELE. I LOVE SEELE. its actually canon she has a kind of "you are not immune to seele" aura that makes people unable to say no to her bc of just how much of a lovely person she is. and yes that is the reason bronya floats around ingame!!! AND WELL. due to the fact that bronya and mei are both a part of the Main Trio, telling you. literally Any amount of lore about them would take me way too fucking long. and im so sorry but im just mentally unable to do that. and thank you o7 polska gurom ‼‼‼‼💯💯💥🔥💥‼💯🔥💥

[corndoggod]

Tony’s Best and Worst Bachelor Parties

Tony Dano was telling a story about how one of his boys brought his dad to his own bachelor party. The dad tried to keep up: he freestyle rapped, hit on girls, took shots and drugs and his own doctor-prescribed pills. He ended up drunk as a skunk, pants around his ankles, falling on the stairs. “I see your dad’s balls,” Tony heard from the kitchen.

Was that the worst bachelor party you’d been to?

No the worst one was earlier this month in Nashville. I ate shit on a scooter in front of like 200 people on the busiest street - people waiting in line for the club and shit - and here I am wiped out, high noons skittering across the street. Worst part was I was wearing cowboy boots and when I was flat on my back, both boots up in the sky, I knew I made a horrible, horrible mistake.

A cop walked up to me, “you’re done,” was all he said. I gathered the high noons and walked the last few blocks to the Airbnb and the crowd was all like “oooof you ok” “ya I’m good” “you sure hon. Looked real bad.”

Nashville is all cover bands and they all play the same ten songs -- Sweet Caroline, Zombie -- but Zombie was actually sick. We spent six hours in one bar and I was in the second row pounding beers drunk off my mind saying “let’s go” every once in a while. I was having a real connection with the lead singer. He’d point at me and I’d say let’s go. He’d walk around a little bit on stage, but he always pointed back at me.

My one friend there, the only guy I really knew, was dancing with this 75-year-old woman and whispering shit in her ear. I saw this look in his eye and knew this man was on a mission. He left soon after. I didn’t see him go, but he didn’t leave with the grandma. I got a massive amount of halal food and went home with this guy to go smoke a blunt and watch YouTube. We see my boy there and he looks surprised to see us and then goes back to his room; he doesn’t hang out with us at all.

I wake up on the couch at 630am and hear him saying, “I’m such a fucking idiot I ruined my life.”

But wait how did she find out?

Tony held up his finger and looked over the brim of his octagonal glasses. The girlfriend found out because the girl texted my boy, “thanks for the great sex” like immediately after. But he left his Apple Watch at home and his watch was blowing up from all these texts, so his girlfriend looked and saw this text. She then called the girl and asked if she slept with this man and explained she was his girlfriend. The girl said yes. Then the girlfriend calls Tony’s boy who says he was drunk out of his mind. The girlfriend calls the girl back to confirm, but the girl says he was totally fine.

Was that the first time you’d been to Nashville?

No. The first time I was in Nashville was like five years ago, before I met you, and it was my first bachelor’s party ever and it was the best bachelor’s ever. I got fucking laid.

What would you do for your bachelor’s party?

I wouldn’t have one.

You have to.

I’ve been to too many, seen too much to know better. But if I had to… if I had to I’d rent a house boat on Lake Powell with a little slide and a jacuzzi. I wanna do that even if I die alone.

[the-acid-pear]

We are far from midnight yet, but i think i want to say a few words to say goodbye to this year.

2022 was a rather kind year to me, despite the horrors! And sure, the horrors were great, i am in the worst economic position ever since the pandemic, and i haven't been able to STILL fulfill my resolution, which is to come out, not to mention the very awful moments I've had w my dad's relationship and my grandma rn, but hey! Everything is going ok right now.

So let me actually thank for what the year gave me and for what achieved. For example, i finally finished highschool this year! I refuse to think of it because if i do i will cry and that goes against my tough guy persona, but it's truly a great achievement. 3 years ago i nearly killed myself because of this shit and today i stand alive on top of it. I made it. I fucking made it. And there were many obstacles, i had my own fucking Judas!! But hey, who cares! I did it.

And this year gave me a lot of joy!! This year i found out my passion for liveblogging which made me watch so many movies and be able to share so many feelings about it.

The fixations that stole the show this year are without a doubt spiderman, evil dead, and american psycho tbh! Absolutely not the only ones but the ones that most good did to me in an emotional level. I spoke a lot about my love for these things and how much they mean to me and i could do so for all the other fixations I'm kinda glossing over but that would take waaay too long 💀

But not only that, this year was WONDERFUL for music too!!! I got to get into Reverend Glasseye, my current favorite band, and so many others. Like Harley Poe! This year's album made me so clinically insane. I truly got super into these genres i was previously unaware of and it feels so nice. I'm thriving honestly!!

This year also was a great one for relationships in all honesty!! If you asked me who I met this year i wouldn't be able to answer you, but what i know is that this year truly allowed me to become more and more normal, and allowed me to create a deeper bond with a lot of mutuals and friends!! There's still a long way to go, there's a lot of people with whom i want to be closer, but this is more than i could have wished for years ago!!!!

Of course it's selfish as balls to give myself all the credit, i truly am thankful for the friends and people that have been with me this year, in a bigger or smaller scale. I appreciate and love all of you and I hope this can keep going. Hugging and kissing u all /p

AND THATS NOT ALL ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIPS!! I would be a madman if i just glossed over how my 3-4 years relationship with Blood ended. But that's not bad!! I truly think being only friends was the best choice before we ended up killing each other. Not only that, but i also got to date my dear beloved bestie darling boy Eye!! (Eye if you are reading this: kissing u w tongue rn 🥰💝💕💖💗💘💖♥️💖💞💝💗💞). I won't get too cheesy but i love him and i love this new side to our relationship we achieved and i just love it. I'm happy with it!! Lost a gf earned a bf I'm winning babeyyyyy

So, overall, 2022 treated me niceys! Sure, there were a lot of bad things, lots of extremely painful things, the horrors were strong, my mental health is ever deteriorating, but it's okay. I have hope! I have friends, i have love, i know i can make it. I WANT to make it. I want to keep going, i want to see more of this life, i want to see more of my friends, i just want to keep on living.

And that's the note I'm ending the year on!! On a pained but hopeful note. Like a man, crawling, full of open wounds, looking up and the sky again, seeing the sun go up, thankful of still being here.

Oh yeah and I'm also thankful of my brain chemistry changing crush on Willem Dafoe that was a very cool part of this year too! 😁👍

[trin-gvf]

D.R.W - ex's and texts

2.2k words minors DNI

danny x fem!reader

WARNINGS: cheating, unprotected sex, descriptive dirty talk, breeding kink, sending nude pics/vids, over all very much 18+!!

jake cheats on y/n and she goes to her ex for some love

"babe..can you sit down? i need to talk to you." your husband said. you felt your body tell you whatever was to come wouldn't be good. 

"okay..what's wrong?" you said, sitting next to him on a stool in the kitchen.

"mommy, mommy! look at this!" your daughter cecilia said, showing you a doll she had put new clothes on. 

"very pretty, sweetheart! can you go into your room? mommy and daddy need to talk." you said, giving her a soft kiss to her forehead. she nodded and giggled as she ran back to her array of toys you knew you'd have to clean later. 

"you aren't going to like what im going to say but i need you to hear me out."

"whatever it is, we can work this out. i know we can."

"i had an affair with jordan.."

you felt your stomach drop and you felt like you were about to throw up the dinner you just ate. 

"it was a long time ago and it was right after i had that injury. my knee. and i couldn't do any shows and i was depressed and i was angry-"

you looked away from him. you didn't know how long you could hold yourself together if you were looking at him. 

"and one night-..well you and i, we just got into this huge argument and i found myself in my hometown." 

you couldn't believe your ears. you wanted to believe this was all a bad dream and that you'd wake up with everything being okay. that it wouldn't be real.

"and i found myself back in our neighborhood..my old neighborhood with my old girlfriend. it felt like my old self. a rockstar."

you felt your eyes start to water. 

"the rockstar everyone cheered for and im sorry. i'm so sorry. it only happened one time and-and i'm sorry i didn't tell you sooner." 

you barely registered his words.

"look…i know this is a lot and i realize that..um- the only way i could fix this, the only way i can fix this is if i- if i was completely honest with you." he finally finished his talk with you. it took you a moment but you decided to speak up. 

"youre such a fucking coward. do you know that? the only reason you're telling me this now is because danny's back in town. isn't that it, jacob?" 

he lowered his head, trying to avoid eye contact with you the best he could. 

"hooking up with her brought up feelings from the past and you couldn't handle it. you know what? screw you! because our perfect family ended the day you betrayed us."

you saw a new look of guilt wash over his face. 

"i-i havent been with her or even seen her the day since. i promise."

"up until today that might've meant something." you said quietly, not trusting your voice with how close the tears were to falling down your face. you walked out of the kitchen. to do what? you weren't sure. 

"y/n wait. please y/n-" he said, starting to walk towards you. 

"you know what, jake? the worst part isn't even that you had an affair, it's that you had to go to jordan to feel whole again?" your body finally gave in and the tears started flowing down your face. 

"not me? your wife? the mother of your child?" you shook your head. 

"god! who else loved you more than anything in the world?"

"i dont- i don't know…i'm going to fix this. i promise. i can talk to cecilia-"

"you know what? you have done more than enough, jacob. I'LL talk to our daughter." you walked away, trying to rid your tears before you entered your daughters room. 

you took a deep breath before opening the door. 

"hi mommy!!" 

"hi baby!" you said, flashing her a smile. you took a seat on the floor, pulling her into your lap.

"mommy is going to stay at grandma's for a couple of days, okay, love?" 

"how come?" she looked up at you with confusion. 

"grandma isn't feeling too good right now and mommy needs to go help her." 

your daughter nodded with a gasp. 

"go mommy! grandma needs to get better!"

you laughed at her little voice and her bright eyes. 

"I'll be back in a few days, be good for daddy, yeah?" 

she nodded and agreed to be good for her father. 

you left her room after giving her a big hug and a couple kisses to her little cheeks before going into your room to pack a bag for your clothes. 

after you grabbed about a week's worth of clothes you passed jake, who was still sitting in the kitchen. 

"I'm going to a friends. i told cecilia i'd be at my moms. i'll be back in a couple days."

"y/n please!" 

"i don't have time for this jacob." was the last thing you said before walking out and taking a seat in your car. you silently scrolled through your phone, looking for anyone who would console and hug you in the moment. 

your motions stopped when you hit a certain contact. 

"danny." you contemplated for a second before tapping on it, calling the number. 

ring…

ring...

ri-

"hello?"

"hi danny.."

"y/n? you sound sad…are you okay?"

"i-um…can i come over?" 

"yeah! yeah come on over" his voice was always full of love, no matter who you were to him.

you thanked him endlessly before driving the 25 minutes to his house. as you pulled into his driveway, your tears were replaced with fiery anger. you knocked on daniels door, hoping it wouldn't be awkward when you saw each other. 

the last time you saw daniel was at a party joshua threw, jacobs twin. it was a couple of weeks ago but there was nothing more exchanged other than a little "hi" and a brief "how are you?" 

he was your ex and you prayed to god this was the right decision to do. you got snapped out of your thoughts as danny opened the door. 

"hi, y/n..come in, please" his voice sounded concerned, taking no time to invite you inside his home.

you walked in, taking the warm smell that hit you. 

"jake and i broke up..he told uh- he told me he cheated and i had nowhere else to go-" he didn't give you time to speak the rest of your story, taking you into a tight hug. he embraced your body in his, one of his arms around your head, caressing your hair. 

"it's okay, you don't have to tell me just yet. i have the space for you. anytime."

you didn't know how he did it but he always read your mind. often times you wondered if you married the wrong man. you looked up at him, watching his warm brown eyes scan your face while he softly wiped your tears. 

"don't cry, pretty thing." his voice was so calming, so reassuring. something you hadn't felt with jake in god knows how long. 

you didn't know what came over you but you stood on your tippy toes and gave his lips a soft kiss. his eyes fluttered closed as did yours. his arms fell around to your waist, pulling you in closer. 

when you pulled away, you both left your mouths open, silently gasping. you started racking your brain for a reaction in his face, your eyes flickering against one anothers. 

"danny, i-" before you knew it, his lips were against yours once more. what started as a small peck turned into more, your hands were around his neck and he was pushing your pelvic bones into his. 

he started to walk you to his bedroom, bodies still connected, trying his best not to shove you into a wall or corner of an entrance way.

he pulled away, opening the door to his bedroom.

"i've wanted. this. for so. fucking long." he said between breaths you backed up against his bed until your calves hit up against it. 

he pulled away from your lips one more time before asking you

"are you sure? are you sure you want this?"

"yes, please danny." you nodded as you sat down on the bed. he slowly laid you back and climbed on top of you, slowly whispering in your ear. 

"then why don't we show him what he messed up, hm?"

you nodded as he spoke the idea. he kissed down your neck, to your stomach, slowly down to the hem of your pants. he toyed with your pants, biting the waist of it, barely lifting them up. after enough messing around, you pushed your hips up, them hitting his chin.

"danny please" 

you guessed your whines did enough for him as he slowly pulled down your pants, leaving you in your panties. 

he slowly brought a thumb over your clothed clit and drew little circles around it. your face became red with a blush.

he pulled your panties off, showing off how wet you had gotten within the little time you had been with each other.

"you're so pretty, love." he said as he softly licked along your pussy, getting it ready for what he was about to do. 

"take my phone baby, send him a video." he said, taking his phone out of his back pocket and handing it to you. 

you gushed at the thought of it. showing jake what he would be missing. 

as you unlocked his phone, slowly opening danny's camera, selecting the video option. you hadn't noticed he lost his shirt while in process. his tan shoulders that were littered with sun kissed freckles looked so beautiful in the light the room was providing. he slowly started licking against your clit, licking it every couple moments. 

you started to record, putting your hand in his dark brown curls, pushing them away from his face. it showed off his eyes, staring up at you as he worked hard on your cunt. 

you finished the 30 second clip before your shaky hands sent the clip to jake. you threw the phone down on the bed and let danny do his thing, not needing it to be pretty for a video.

your moans instantly got louder, using both your hands now to push danny's face into your pussy.

"fuck danny you're so much better." you cried out. 

he moaned in agreement as he started to fuck you with his tongue. his nose hitting your clit as you got closer to falling off the edge and into an orgasm.

your thighs started to shake as he grabbed your waist, pulling you back in closer.

you gripped his hair harder than before, riding out the white pleasure bursting within you onto his face.

he pulled away, taking a couple deep breaths. when he stood up, his hard on wasn't hidden very well through his sweatpants. your mouth almost dropped when you saw him pull his cock out. 

did it get bigger? no. 

did it? is that possible? no fucking way. 

"don't be surprised baby, i fucked you plenty of times."

he looked down and slowly spit on his dick, rubbing it on his cock. he rubbed the tip of it in between your folds, collecting the wetness on the very top of his dick.

he slowly slid his cock into you, grabbing his phone once again. the moment you were stretched enough, he started to thrust into your cunt. as you were gripping the sheets, he grabbed his phone once more for the night, he sped up his hips, making your moans closer together and make them louder. he turned the flash on and recorded a video, you couldn't tell how long it was, but you could only guess to who he was sending it to. 

he threw his phone on the bed next to you, placing his hands on either side of your head. he grunted as he snapped his hips against yours. he placed rough kisses aside your neck, down to your shoulders then finally your tits. 

he licked around the bud, softly sucking it as you both inched closer to finishing.

"gunna fill your pretty womb with my cum." he mumbled out against your skin. 

"god- fuck! danny please keep going" you at this point were fucking against his cock, helping with the oncoming orgasms. 

"my cock fits your cunt so. fucking. well." 

as he got closer to your ear, his words got quieter and became more of a growl.

"should've been me fucking my kids into your stomach. watching them spill out the second my cock leaves your tight pussy" 

his words toppled over you and pushed you into a crazing orgasm. thank god danny didn't have any roommates, they no doubt would've heard your desperate crying for danny's cock.

when you both came down, you ran your hand through his curls, feeling his heart beat against your chest.

"let me take one more picture, babydoll." you nodded, whining when he pulled out after grabbing his phone. 

he snapped a picture of his cum dripping out of you, sending it to your ex husband. 

he collected his cum that was dripping onto the bed and slowly placing them into your mouth. you gladly sucked the cum off his fingers.

after you cleaned up in his bathroom, you laid on his bare chest, watching him check jacobs texts. 

jake: bro??? you fucked my wife???

danny: does it matter? and ex wife btw

jake: yes it fucking does, daniel

danny: i fucked the girls heart you broke.

jake: fuck you daniel. 

read at 8:28pm

you slowly fell asleep in dannys arms, trying your best to forget just for a day what your ex husband did. 

[davyjoneslockr]

okay i need to know. what would your take on modern au/high school fugio be. OBVIOUSLY naramis too

Yes yes okay so. If you don’t mind me derailing this slightly, I do have a modern college AU that’s been living in my brain for years but I haven’t written anything for. I have little storylines for like all the JJBA characters but obviously Fugio and Naramis are there.

So all the Joestars are like. Extended family. Cousins mostly and some of them are siblings. They’re also distantly related to Giorno, and nobody knows how, but Jolyne and Josuke think he’s cool so they figure he must be alright, even if he’s also a Brando somehow. The Joestar and Brando family trees are very complicated.

Giorno goes to college to study like. Biology. Probably with minors in entomology and zoology. And besides his distant relatives (who he’s not that close to yet), he doesn’t know anyone because he doesn’t exactly have any friends. Then, at orientation, he meets Bucciarati, who’s his RA. He says he knows Giorno’s roommate, Mista, an upperclassman he was randomly placed with, and once the school year starts, he meets him and the rest of the World’s Worst Friend Group.

Fugo is a sophomore who skipped a grade back in K-12 and went to college a year early, so he’s in the same year as Narancia and Mista. He’s also an honors student, pre-law, math minor, and absolutely at his fucking limit. He was originally going to go to this super prestigious university, but when he was there for orientation/some research he’d already started, backstory stuff happens. Only difference is that his grandma is still alive, and she takes him in after his family disowns him. His admission is rescinded from that school, so he goes to The School All The Main Characters Are At instead. Narancia’s his roommate and is pulling the Best Strat Ever by majoring in aerodynamics/aerospace engineering while being dogshit at math (but not really – he’s actually quite good at it, but finds traditional teaching methods/curriculum hard to follow, so Fugo has to help translate certain things into Narancia Language). I haven’t really decided on Mista’s major lol, but he and Giorno quickly become besties and get along well as roommates – except for the fact that like. There’s an almost definite line between Giorno’s side of the room, which is pristine and orderly, and Mista’s, which is a disaster and could definitely use some air freshener.

Naramis Fugio timeline is like: Torture Trio’s freshman year, before Giorno (and Trish) join the group, Fugonara happens. They break up and quickly learn why people say not to date your roommate. Drama ensues. Mista’s sort of stuck in between it. Being vague bc I might write a fic about this someday. They reconcile eventually and all is well.

Mista and Narancia have always been close, but towards the end of freshman year and into that summer, they start getting really close. Like, having a whole encyclopedia of inside jokes and cuddling during movie nights close. But they’re not dating, and they’re very insistent about the “no homo” thing. This is a charade. They have massive crushes on each other.

Giorno develops a crush on Fugo pretty quickly. Only Mista knows about it. He thinks it’s hilarious. The gang goes out to parties a lot, so I’m thinking of some Man in the Mirror fight parallel that’s like. Stereotypical Rowdy College Party Gets Broken Up By The Cops thing, and Giorno and Fugo get into some wacky hijinks to escape without getting caught, and once they’re safe and the adrenaline dies down and they’re just laughing over how ridiculous it was, Fugo has a moment where he’s like. Holy shit. He’s cool. Oh shit I think I like him.

Naramis gets together partway through first semester. Nobody is surprised. Fugo keeps getting kicked out of his room so Narancia and Mista can make out and/or watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl for the 100th time without listening to him complain. He always ends up hanging out with Giorno, whether that’s in the library, the local coffee shop, the campus flower gardens, or his room. Silly dramatic slowburn romance ensues. Stupid college shenanigans with the gang also ensue. Really this AU is just a set of scenes in my head that are all just dumb hijinks and stuff. Maybe when I’m done with the Mista fic, I’ll put it on my to-do list and write a oneshot or two.

[memes-saved-me]

My mom tells this story about how she (~17yo) and my aunt (~14yo) got into a HUGE fight one time over a fucking hair straightener when my grandma wasn’t home. And like they were going at each other, no holding back. My mom bashed my aunt’s head into the coffee table and my aunt broke my mom’s nose type of fighting. And when my grandma gets home, to an absolute mess and bloody everywhere? They deadass looked her in the eyes and said “We were playing Power Rangers.”

Now, years later? They are best friends, like call each other every other day just to vent. It just got me thinking about how people shit on Billy and Max's relationship, which has a lot more conflict and manipulation from Neil than my family's did... Maybe some siblings got along like Jonathan and Will, but I really think they play up the shit between them because they're so dead set on hating Billy? It makes me so frustrated idk

Oof now that's a fight lol. Me and my sister can be both. We're 4 years apart and let me tell you the physical fights we used to get into growing up were rough. To this day we'll still find ourselves standing with our nails digging into eachother's arms or legs waiting for the other to give up and let go. I've got bruises from that shit. Smacks, punches, kicks and all sorts we still do at 21 and 17 over stupid things and my mother doesn't know the half of it.

But then we're like Jonathan and Will where we're best friends and talk about anything and everything. This can even be the case minutes after hitting eachother. Screaming and cursing eachother out and within an hour we're watching TV.

I truly believe sibling relationships are like no other. You live in very close proximity with this person who is almost you in a weird way. You look the same (when biological) and might even act the same because of environmental influences. You see them everyday, sometimes 24/7 and it can be the best or worst thing for some people.

Now throw in abuse or violence from a third party and it goes to hell and really doesn't come back until that is gone.

When I was still in a situation where I was being abused by my father I acted out and she got all the shit. I lashed out when she was around and not even at her but she saw me cry and break down over the smallest shit without knowing why. She luckily didn't get the same treatment from him and for years had no clue why I all of a sudden became a very angry, hotheaded person who could be set off by very little.

Once I got away from that we went back to before it all started. Close and best friends but it wasn't until Billy that I realised what I had done and how I had reacted to abuse. It was then I could apologise to her and finally tell my family what I had been through which led to my mother completely cutting off my father who I thankfully had not seem properly in a long time due to university and lockdown.

People like to ignore how complicated family dynamics can be and become with even the slightest hint of hostility from an authority figure. Billy and Max are both victims of the cycle of abuse and Max only escaped it because Neil left, Billy didn't get that luxury and I mourn the fact he was stuck in that situation until the moment he died

[ellana-ravenwood]

“My fake boyfriend is a billionaire ?!” - Bruce Wayne x Fem!Reader

Synopsis : After a few shitty weeks of everything going wrong, you somehow find yourself faking a relationship with the one and only Bruce Wayne. 

That’s it. I did it. After 3 years posting stories on this platform, I finally succumb to one of the biggest fanfiction cliché of all time haha. The infamous fake boyfriend trope. And I really hope you will like it : 

My masterlist : @ella-ravenwood-archives

__________________________________________________

The Gap Year of Disaster

Today, you were an utter mess, and you couldn’t care less.

You know, this kind of days where you wish you would just have stayed in bed ?

Where everything goes wrong and you just want to hide under your blanket and pretend you don't have any responsibilities ?

Well today…Today was most definitely this kind of day.

It was suppose to be your first day at an exciting new job and you were so psyched about it, that you hadn’t been able to sleep all night. 

You finally fell into a deep slumber during the very early hours of the day, and…

Of course you woke up late ! You didn't have time to take a shower, or to do your make-up nicely or even to brush your hair. But worst of all you didn't have time to get coffee !

When you got out with your bike….it was pouring outside. Ah but of course, because when one thing goes wrong everything has to follow. Everything WILL go wrong. Murphy's law or some stupid things like that !

It's in those moments you wish you had a car ! Because when it rained in Gotham…It felt like Noah was ordered to built another ark !

So, sleep deprived, soaked, in a bad mood and looking like a mess, you managed, by some miracle, to arrive at your job on time.

Only to discover that this wasn’t at all what you were expecting. It was NOT what was promised to you, which was experience in an exciting workplace and a way to make the most of it. 

Instead, it was a desk job where you ran errand for everyone. Amazing. 

This was supposed to be your first try at “real life”, this was why you took that gap year from college. 

“I want to find myself, find who I really am !” You told everyone around you, ignoring those who were negative and telling you you should finish your study first. 

Now, as you were stuck in a tiny cubicle with an endless list of coffee orders you had to get for everyone else, you felt like maybe they were right, and that this wasn’t quite the way you were going to “find yourself”. 

Then again, wasn’t it through hardship that this sort of things unlocked ? Wasn’t it with great determination and knowing how it was to struggle, that you were going to thrive ? That’s what they said in TED talks dedicated to “success”...

So far in your life, things had been rather normal. Not particularly easy, but not hard either. You grew up in a small town in New Jersey, no troubles on the horizon. You then moved to Gotham for college as you had a scholarship for Gotham’s University, and as you were about to start your third year you sort of questioned wether or not this was your path...

One of your favorite professor told you to maybe take a gap year. A few semesters off, to think things through. Taking advantage of it to do some soul searching and try to know what you really wanted and...It sounded wonderful ! 

That’s when you started to have job interviews in many different fields, and it took you three months to finally find something. Three very stressful months of wondering how long you could live off of your measly savings, and wether or not you’d have to move back in with your parents (anything but that !)...Not a very good start to that gap year for sure. 

And when you landed what you thought was going to be a great job, things definitely were looking up ! Ah, but the fact that you were chosen while you had NO experience and such, should’ve been your first warning that this was too good to be true. 

You were trying to stay positive though. Maybe it was only for the first day ? Maybe their coffee person was sick or something ? It’d get more interesting later ? Yes. Yes let’s keep a positive outlook on everything. 

Except right now, as your entire morning was made of you walking up and down the building (the elevator was not working, but of course), to the coffee shop at the corner of the street, and bringing back orders for people, you didn’t feel in the mood to try and stay cheery. 

And the worst in all that ? You didn't even get ONE cup for yourself…This “real life” thing was not starting very well. 

And so here you were, during your lunch break, looking like a mess, bag under your eyes and still wet from the rain (your trips up and down the street for coffee runs not helping drying yourself off), your morale at its lowest..And…

"That'll be 3 dollars and 50 cents for the large latte with triple espresso shot, m'am."

Catastrophe. 

Proof that things could ALWAYS get worst. 

As you were looking through your bag, you couldn't find your wallet !

Did you leave it at home ?! Maybe. 

People at your work gave you the money to buy them coffee (and not a single tips, bunch of cheapskates). And you didn’t notice you were missing that oh so essential part of your daily life...Your credit card. Or any type of money. 

Damn it ! 

“Um, excuse me miss, that’s 3,50 please ?”

“Oh yes yes, um, you know what I just-” 

“Here, miss, you dropped this.” 

As you were about to explain that in fact, you didn’t need coffee (even if when you asked for it you might’ve mentioned it being a question of “life or death”), too embarrass to admit you didn’t have the money to buy it, a...very handsome man handed you a twenty dollars bill. 

You were a hundred percent sure this wasn’t yours. You never carry lose cash like this. A quick look to his kind deep blue eyes, and soft smile, and you realize...

Oh. Great. A total (very handsome) stranger took pity of you. 

You probably looked even worst than you felt. You were about to say this was a mistake, but before you could, he gave the bill to the barista, and left with a last smile to you, taking his own cup of coffee away with him. 

Damn. You didn’t have time to say “thank you”. He vanished as fast as he appeared, disappearing in the crowd of the busy coffee shop. 

“Here’s your change, m’am.” 

“Ah you know what ? Keep it buddy. Thanks for the coffee.” 

“Wow, thanks !” 

You were pretty sure that barista never had such a big tip, and it oddly made you feel better, to make someone else’s day like that. Your grandma did always say that you found true joy from helping others...

Oh, yeah, ok, you just helped someone out, why was the universe so angry at you ?! 

As you turned around and started to leave, almost at the exist of the shop, mood a little better after this nice encounter with a (again, handsome) stranger, and the barista, you see him. 

Him. One of the reason you sort of decided to take a gap year. 

Him. 

Your ex-boyfriend, Eric, who cheated on you with your friend Monica. Needless to say, it wasn’t a good memory. And you hadn’t seen neither him nor her since you left college, especially not since you heard they actually got together. 

Your FRIEND. With your BOYFRIEND. And it went on for a while, before you finally discovered it (that day was as shitty as today...). 

Oh. And of course Eric wasn’t alone. She, was there too. The one you thought was your friend, and who stabbed you in the back like that. Both of them discarding you like a dirty old sock. 

Great. Really. Awesome. This day was going from “bad” to “please kill me.” 

“(Y/N) !” 

He looks surprised to see you, although also a little pleased. And it makes you want to punch him in the face. You don’t care if it’s because he wished things ended another way, they both betrayed your truth and then never even tried to talk to you again afterward. 

You’re not sure you would’ve forgave them, but at least, it would’ve shown they still cared about you in a way. Nobody chooses who they’re going to fall in love with (that, you’d soon discover for yourself). But she was your best friend. And he was with you for over a year. 

She’s a little more awkward than him, and smiles, clearly embarrassed. You always knew she was a bit of a coward, if she wasn’t, she would’ve face you, right ? 

And that’s when it happened. The decision that would forever change your life.

In this great moment filled with despair and awkwardness.

From the corner of your eyes, you saw that nice stranger who paid for your coffee. The handsome one. He didn’t leave the shop, but instead went to seat at a table that was a little further away than the rest of them. 

His eyes were glued to his phone, and you thought : “Well, fuck it, all this can’t get any worst right ?”

You were sort of hoping that, since he had been nice with you once and offered you those twenty dollars without knowing you (although you were very aware it was probably just pity), maybe he could help again ? 

Maybe it was the fatigue, the fact you were getting sadder and sadder, that you had a terrible day, and that you just saw two people you loved and who threw you away like you meant nothing (oh but not before being super fake to you, pretending they WEREN’T cheating behind your back)...maybe it was a combination of all of that, that made you act crazy. 

But here you found yourself, sitting at that stranger’s table, and saying, as he looked up from his phone clearly surprised : 

“How are you guys ? As you can see, I’m great.” 

You don’t dare to look at the handsome stranger, and hope he’ll be too stunned to say anything, and you can make your ex-friend and ex-boyfriend feel embarrass enough they’ll leave quickly. But then Monica says something that makes your heart skip multiple beats : 

“You...You know Bruce Wayne ?!” 

You turn to the man who gracefully paid for your coffee, and your eyes go wide. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. How did you NOT recognize him ?! Of course. Chiseled face, beautiful blue eyes, a suit that was definitely worth your entire year’s salary, a very charming aura...

Your hazy mind full of “fuck this day” didn’t register that THE Bruce Wayne, was the one who helped you out. How did you miss that ? His face had been plastered everywhere in Gotham for the past year, since he came back to the city, in fact. 

You hear yourself wish with all your might to be struck by lightning this instant, as the two assholes who hurt you so much are looking at you expectantly and are not about to live (of course, they just met celebrity BRUCE WAYNE !! Could someone be as unlucky as you were today ?!)

And that’s when you hear a chuckle, a beautiful deep chuckle, and finally turn to look at Bruce. He smiles at you, and takes your hand, saying : 

“Honey, who are your friends ?” 

Your brain go full “ERROR 404″, not quite able to grasp the fact that THE Bruce Wayne just ran with what you were trying to do. How ? How was this possible ? You initially went to sit with him in the hope that Eric and Monica would see you were totally ok and with a hot date, not quite sure still yet how you ever thought this was a good idea and...

It was turning out alright ?! 

HOW ?! 

“Oh um, I’m..Eric. And this is my gir...This is Monica.” 

What a piece of shit. Not even brave enough to call her his “girlfriend” when he cheated on you with her for months and months. You glare at him, unable to stop this gut reaction. 

And that’s something Bruce caught. 

In fact, as soon as you sat down, avoiding looking at him and nervously looking at those two people, Bruce sort of knew you were in an uncomfortable situation. One that made you take an irrational decision. 

And oh, he didn’t like the look Eric and Monica gave you. Like they felt superior as they caught you in a bad moment. Bruce hated, people who thought they were superior to others... 

And you clearly seemed in distress and in need of help so...He ran with it. 

Bruce had to pretend to be someone he wasn’t enough that it felt natural, to run along with what your hazy mind thought was a good idea. 

“Nice to meet you, are you friends with-” 

Damn it. He realized he didn’t know your name. Quick thinking saved him, and he managed to keep his tone even, as to hide his hesitation : 

“My love ?” 

His hand around yours felt warm and reassuring, and you still couldn’t believe that, not only a total stranger, but THE Bruce Wayne was helping you out like that. Especially after you had such a bad day. 

Him calling you his “love” made your exes feel very awkward, and they shake their head “no”, suddenly pretending they’re very busy and have to meet up with someone. They leave the coffee shop, clearly stunned, whispering things to each others that you knew were probably : “how did she get a guy like him ?!”

You can’t help but glare at them some more...But then your hand feels cold again, and you realize Bruce let go off it. Well. Duh. Of course he would. 

You turn to him, your feature softening, and say : 

“Are you an angel ?” 

Ah yes. Your defense mechanism. “Humor”. 

He chuckles, and says : 

“Well, I’m afraid not. My butler would think this is very funny. But thank you.” 

Awkwardly, you rub your neck, your free hand nervously turning your cup of coffee clockwise in your palm. You don’t really know how to end this, what : “thanks for that” and leave ? 

“Thanks for the coffee. And for um...Saving my ass, just there.” 

He smiles, and wow hello white teeth and charming dimples ?! 

“You’re very welcome. They looked like they were jerks.” 

“Haha oh you have no idea.” 

“Glad I could help.” 

“Thanks again. Really. This means a lot, especially since we don’t know each others. Well, I know you. Everyone in Gotham does haha. And ok I’m going to leave now, my lunch break is almost over and I don’t want to make this even more awkward.” 

You start to rise up, but he holds you back by catching your sleeve, and says : 

“Actually miss…?”

“(Y/L/N). (Y/N) (Y/L/N).”

“Miss (Y/L/N), you are kind of saving my life right now.”

“…I am ?”

A flash blinds you. Not a lightning, a camera flash. You turn, just in time to see a guy hastily hiding a camera and running away. 

“What the...” 

“A paparazzi. Good timing, for once.” 

“Huh ?” 

You wish you had some witty come back, or would just know what to say. But you’re confused. And this has been a really weird day. 

“I am sorry if this will seem forward, or like I helped you wanting something in exchange. But I promise I will make it worth your while if you just sit back down and listen to me for a few minutes.” 

You sit back down. More because you’re unsure your leg can still support you in this moment, than because he asked you to. With a smile he continues : 

“Thank you. So. Let me explain a little, and again, sorry if this is too forward. If you don’t want to help of course, I would understand. I’m about to ask you something rather odd, I guess. And I’ll clear things up with paparazzis. I also promise I did not help you with your “friends”-”

“They’re not my friends.” 

“I figured that much. And I promise I didn’t help you with them and ran with whatever you were trying, just so I could ask you this.” 

“Ask me what ?” 

“Well, you see…it’s arranged marriage season.”

“What ?”

“Every year, every single rich family try to make me marry their single daughters. It’s a very tiring season, but I’ve never been able to avoid it…I thought about having a fake fiancee before but could never find the right person.”

What he says does not register with you. His clear proposal doesn’t hit your brain. And you just stare at him, waiting for him to keep going. But he doesn’t, and by the way he looks at you, you slowly starts to understand where he’s getting at. 

You gasp, now pretty sure this is all a dream (or a nightmare) and say : 

“And I’m the right person ?”

“Well, yes. You seem to be a...“normal” person.”

“…Thanks.”

“In that case it’s good. It’s very good. It means that if I’m dating you, a woman that has nothing to bring me, then it must be true love.”

“Wow, stop with the flatteries already mister Wayne, I can’t handle it…”

Ah, your slight wits are back. Good sign that you’re regaining your senses. Everything that happened in the last ten minutes still feel like a bad dream, but you’re back in reality now. 

“No no no, I didn’t mean it in a demeaning way ! But it’s just, you’re not rich, and you’re not famous or have political ties. You’re just a regular person. So they won’t think I’m trying to trick them, even if I am, do you know what I mean ?”

“Gotcha. My broke ass person cannot bring you any value, so it must be love and not just an arranged thing they can break. Cool.”

There’s a slight silence. And you find it a little fun, to play a little bit with the famous Bruce Wayne. He seemed so confident and cocky on TV, you never thought you’d be able to make him look so guilty. 

“I’m sorry if I offended you.”

He says, clearly meaning it. But you shake your head and smile at him (and oh why does he feel his heart tightening slightly at your smile ?), and reassure him instantly (you feel a little bad, actually, to mess with him while he did just really do a huge favor to you while he had no obligations to) : 

“Haha, just messin’ around with ya Mster Wayne. I’m not bothered by it, it’s the truth. I’m really broke, and I don’t think you could find more “regular” than me right now. So, and because you really did save my ass from an extremely displeasing experience back there. And also because you allowed me to see those assholes’ face of surprise and “how did she manage that ?!”, tell me more about your plan, and let’s see if I can help you back.”

And so Bruce starts to explain to you how, every year, this beginning of Fall is the worst time ever, as it’s a moment where everyone seems to want to marry off their daughter. And of course, Bruce Wayne is a good “party”. 

The plan was fairly simple. You’d fake a relationship with him, so he could avoid all of this, and in exchange...Well. You’d gain a lot in exchange. 

This is how you started to really feel like you had fallen into a “romcom” by accident...You and Bruce, became an actual living trope. 

************

“And then when the “marrying season” is done, you can break it off.”

“I ?”

“Well yes, I can assure you you’ll gain quite a rep if you break up with me haha.”

You raise an eyebrow, unsure you like that sort-of overly confident side of him. But you can see something behind his eyes, like a slight unsureness as he looks back at you, trying to see if you’ll agree or not.

“I don’t really need a “reputation”.”

Breaking up with THE Bruce Wayne himself. For sure people would talk about it a lot, and maybe it would help open some doors for you ? But you felt a little odd taking advantage of this like that. 

Seeing that he hadn’t convinced you quite yet, he adds : 

“Of course, I will pay you.” 

What kind of Pretty Woman sort of nonsense was this ?! You were about to protest when he added, realizing how he sounded : 

“I mean, you ARE doing me a great service. You ARE going to have to act, you know ? An...actual job ? And I will be honest with you, it won’t be easy, to find yourself in the public eye. I think it definitely justify a salary.” 

Put that way, you had to admit that, well, yeah it sort of did. Especially since you knew how crazy tabloids were about Bruce Wayne. Becoming his “girlfriend” would definitely put you on the front lines. 

“And it would truly help me tremendously.” 

Your grandma always said it : “True joy comes out from helping others !” So. What if you benefit from it a little ? If it helps you financially, and you can get a little network out of it ? First rule of Alchemy (what a weeb) : “equivalent exchange” ! Plus, he did really help you with your coffee, but also with Eric and Monica so...

And hey, this gap year was meant to help you find what and who you wanted to be. Help you go through this little twenty-something crisis. And this ? Living a literal romantic comedy cliche by faking being someone’s girlfriend ? Well, it definitely felt like the kind of adventure that could help you figure things out.  

With a smile, you finally nod and shake his hand, not knowing quite yet in which mess you actually put yourself into...

Briefing. 

Like every “secret mission”, this one too needed a “briefing”. 

A little meeting to put all the rules down, and the goals too. 

And here you were, feeling very out of place in a huge conference room in the biggest and tallest building in Gotham : “Wayne Tower”.  

The concierge stared at you for a very long time, when you said you were there to see Mister Wayne. No “nobody” like you ever called for his boss. 

Suspicious, as it was his job, he called security on you...Until it was finally cleared up that you DID have a meeting with Bruce Wayne ! 

Both the concierge, and the security guys, stared at you as you left to take the elevators they indicated to you, wondering who the hell had the kind of credentials to go all the way up there to see their boss ?! They didn’t recognize you from anywhere, not a model, not a famous politician or CEO, just...A regular person ? 

That was odd. And they noticed, it was odd. Which you assumed was what Bruce was aiming for, but it felt so awkward, to walk through this huge hall under their scrutiny. 

You finally arrived on the right floor, and oh look, some more staring. 

From his secretary, this time. She was used to see women coming to see her boss. But they’d usually wear Prada, and have plunging necklines full of pearls and fanciness. They weren’t...like you. 

You felt like it was easy, to know that you were just a “normal” person. You were definitely not wearing any designer clothes, and you were pretty sure the way you carried yourself made you super obvious. 

Hence all the staring. You could clearly see in her eyes, that she was wondering who the hell you were... 

She had her answer when Bruce came out of his office, and made a gesture as if he was going to throw his arm around your waist, and kiss you (which made you downright panic). But then, he looked awkwardly at his secretary, and instead just shook your hand. 

Something that DID NOT go unnoticed by his secretary. 

You saw how her eyes widen, and how she clearly hitched to take her phone out and call everyone...and you realized Bruce did this awkward thing because he knew his secretary, and her tendency to be a little gossipy. 

You’d discover later, in fact, that he hired her entirely because he knew if he said something, she would pick up on it and it would help him control rumors and such. Clever. 

For the moment though, he took you to a large conference room with huge windows. 

“I’m sorry for the weird “hello” back there, I wanted Shirley to think I was embarrassed to display affection to you in front of her. Usually, I do not mind at all. So doing it would make her think that-”

“I’m someone special to you.” 

“Exactly !” 

He smiles widely as you understood his plan (not sure how you felt about it, then again, that’s why you were here for, making sure you knew where both of you stood in all this), and then tells you he’ll be back in a few minutes. 

You have time to feel anxious and stressed before he finally comes back. 

“Sorry for the wait.” 

“Oh no, I bet you’re a busy man.” 

“Yes well. Anyway. Let’s get to it shall we ?” 

“Yes.” 

“Ok. So. I thought we’d settle sort of a little contract, so neither of us ever feel uncomfortable ?” 

“Sounds good, mister Wayne.” 

“Yes well first, please call me Bruce.” 

“Only if you call me (Y/N).” 

Oh and you two were still on the path of “romcom cliches”, with this conversation. He smiles, nods, and continues : 

“Ok, then I thought we could-” 

And so your fake relationship started, with some little ground rules. Like he could only kiss you after you gave him permission, if you ever felt overwhelmed everything would be called off, etc etc. 

Most rules were in your favor, to be honest. And WOW the paycheck he was going to give you for this little farce...Hey, maybe this gap year was finally gonna get interesting ?

Meeting the Little Buddy. 

It was sort of necessary. By then, Dick had been his son, officially, for a few months. He wasn’t calling him “dad” yet (and Bruce didn’t particularly want him to, at the time...ah but everything change one day, right ?), but they were already family. 

And it was a needed step. 

It wasn’t in the little “contract” you made, and honestly you could’ve refused to meet him but...Well, you liked kids. In another life, it felt like you could’ve been a teacher (A/N : AH, like in this story ;) : “Can you be my dad’s girlfriend, please ?” ). 

And you’d feel awkward, to fake a relationship and not ever meet his boy. 

The first time he saw you, it was at the Wayne Tower, and his eyes widened as he exclaimed : 

“Wow you’re so pretty ! Are you Bruce’s girlfriend ? You’re too good for him, you know.” 

You could feel your heart melt, how adorable this little guy was, right ? You chuckled, and almost full on laughed as you saw how vexed Bruce was by the comment. 

Not that he thought he was too good for you, no, he was just a little unhappy his son was stealing the show, and thought he couldn’t land someone like you...Oh but that, you couldn’t guess at the time, of course. 

“Nice to meet you, Dick. I’m (Y/N). And...I’m not really his girlfriend.” 

“Can you be mine then ?” 

You laugh again. You and Bruce had decided to tell him the truth, Bruce assuring you that kid was good at pretending too. You answer : 

“No, I’m saving him from marriage proposal.” 

“Oooooh !” 

Good at pretending. Dick had no idea what you were on about, but he was very good at acting as if he knew. 

It’s only way later, that he finally got it. By then, he already accepted you as : “his dad’s girlfriend”, and even knowing the truth, there was no way to change his mind. And to be honest, out of everyone, little Dick Grayson was probably the most aware of what the situation truly was. 

He had a knack, to notice how people felt. 

A “family” outing.

Two months in, and it was going GREAT. Faking a relationship was actually pretty easy. All you had to do was hanging out with him (and he was very nice to hang out with), and when a paparazzi was around, quickly kiss his cheek, or hold his hand, or let him put his hand in your hair...All those cute things new couples do. 

Today was one such small date. 

You could see Bruce was nervous, though.

After hanging around with him that many times, you started to know him a little better. Started to know he wasn’t really that persona he portrayed publicly.

He was actually quite a dork. What a pity, nobody else would ever know his real self...Yet, it made you happy you were one of the few in on the secret.

“Ok, out with it mister, what’s up ?”

He looks at you with such surprise in his eyes, as if it was the first time someone guessed what he was feeling...and, well, yes. It was. It was the first time someone who wasn’t Alfred got it. Someone realized something was on his mind. And asked him about it, didn't just ignore and move on. Actually cared to know. 

“I-Um...”

“Well ? Come on, I think literally nothing can surprise me by now, given you know, I’m faking a relationship with a billionaire, and it’s like, my job now.”

He smiles, and he couldn't possibly know how soft his look was, as he gazed at you.

“I...well, people don’t quite believe in us because-”

“WHAT ?! With all the “dates” and kisses and lovey dovey shit we did ?!”

He chuckles at your reaction, loving how honest you always were, and adds :

“The problem apparently is that you weren’t seen with my son yet, so many don’t believe we’re serious.”

“Oh...”

You met Dick. Because it felt like a necessary step to yours and Bruce’s scheme. And you knew he knew this was all fake...But neither of you wanted to confuse the boy in any way so he was kept mostly out of the plan.

“I talked to him, and it’s actually really up to wether you’re comfortable with it or not. I know he wasn’t part of our contract, and I should’ve probably thought about it, I’m sorry. But um...If you’re ok with it, we could..Do things with him, too ?”

Bruce is really nervous; And you’re pretty sure no one but you (and maybe Alfred) ever saw him like that. It’s kind of...sweet. But you let the silence linger for too long and he hurries to say :

“You really don’t have to ! It’s ok if they don’t think we’re that serious and I get some proposals. I can manage ! You’re still a great help right now. It was just an idea. Dick is a very social kid, he would go along with anything and loves to do activities outside. He would be fine. But if you’re not then we can-”

“No. No no it’s...It’s ok Bruce. The few time I saw him, Dick did seem absolutely a peach to be around. And I always have fun with you, so sure, let’s organize a little something and show those bastards we’re totally real.”

You chuckle a little, your smile and carefree face making his heart skip a beat, for some reasons...Bruce also decided to ignore how happy it made him, to know you were always glad to be with him, and instead, he smiled and settled a date.

************

And here you were. In one of Gotham’s biggest park, opening a basket full of delicious sandwiches made by the one and only Alfred. Pretending to have a great family outing.

“Hey, hey look !”

Dick was absolutely amazing, at acting as if you were really a thing. As if you were really a “family”. Right now, he was doing flips and cartwheels, demanding your attention with avidity.

Bruce made sure to always hide his face from pictures (he was GREAT at noticing where paparazzis were hiding, a life of practice, you assumed), as he wanted to keep as much as he could his son’s privacy (especially after he made all the headlines when he lost his parents).

It was quite adorable. And...You were really having fun.

Dick was such a lively kid, and he was full of talents. The food was good, and it was so comfortable around Bruce. It felt so natural.

This wasn't all that bad. To fake being a family. A good use of your gap year, really. 

You purposefully decided to ignore the glint in the boy’s eyes. The way you sort of suspected for him, this was getting real, and not only pretend.

You and Bruce purposefully ignored it, actually. And you both felt shitty for it. Because not only were you risking to break that little boy’s heart when it was all over but...It was too hard to accept that maybe, maybe he was right.

And that all of this ? Might’ve not been as fake as you’d love to repeat yourself.

First Official outing. 

First gala. You were terrified. So far all you had to do was hang out with Bruce in the afternoon, there and there. It mainly consisted in him buying you coffee, and keeping the addiction to caffeine real, while talking about anything that would come to your mind. The conversations between you two was always fluid and pleasant. 

Or you’d go out with him and Dick, to do some fun things like mini-golf or catching a movie. Nothing too big and scary. It was mainly just you guys, no one else. 

It seemed like he knew where the paparazzis would be (most likely because he was “anonymously” tipping them off himself), and he’d take you on random short dates when he had time in between his work, slowly fueling the rumors Bruce was not a heart to steal anymore. 

And that he was dating a “commoner” ! (He hated this name for you, while you really didn’t mind that much). 

And this gala, was what made it completely official. Finally. It was your idea, to take things “slow”, and hang out with him and his son BEFORE hanging out in public areas like this. 

It was clever, really. To make it seems like you were trying to “hide” your relationship by being low-key, to then finally announce everything in public like that, at such an event. 

Bruce went to get a drink for the both of you, and you were looking around you, horrified at the mere idea that someone would come talk to you. 

But for some reasons, nobody seemed to dare. Maybe Bruce made sure that people would leave you alone ? Even as if you were clearly the talk of the evening, all eyes on you, and not even trying to be subtle ? 

You knew he did the same with little Dickie. That he made sure he was safe from the paparazzi and that no unsolicited journalist would come around him.

Thinking of it, where was the little one ? Usually, according to Bruce, whenever there was a gala he would spend his entire time near the food table, eating as much as he could, and he would come home feeling nauseous because of it...Haha sounded like Dick alright. That kid was so-

Oh oh.

Who was that sleazy looking gal talking to him ? He seemed so uncomfortable, yet too polite to brush her off...Oh no, she wasn’t one of them, was she ?

Without thinking twice about it, wether it was your place to do what you were about to do or not, you resolutely walked towards them.

“-Think it’s because he relates to you ? As both of you lost your parents in horrific situations, you know ?”

“I-I don’t know m’am.”

When you saw Dick’s distressed face, and his eyes slowly filling with tears, there was no doubt in your mind.

This woman was not supposed to be there, and was definitely not supposed to talk to that child...

This woman was a - shiver of disgust- tabloid journalist.

Your blood boiled as you saw her take a picture of the teary eyed Dickie, and you were standing protectively in front of him before you could even think about it. When you felt the boy clutch to your sleeve, hiding behind you and holding on for dear life, you knew you wouldn’t regret it.

“Can I ask you why you’re talking to that boy, please ?”

“What, it’s illegal to talk to fellow guests now ?”

“Lady, you’re well in your thirties. He’s eight. You have no right talking to him. Not only is it weird, but I know what you’re doing.”

“Oh, and pray tell, what am I doing, lovey ?” 

“You’re trying to get a story out of him. And you should be ashamed of yourself. He’s eight ! And from what I heard, you were asking some very disgusting things back there !” 

“I-”

“Shut up.”

Your words came out harsh and determined, and the woman was so shocked she stayed silent for a while. You crouch down to Dick’s level, and ask : 

“Are you ok, my little buddy ?” 

He nods weakly, and then burst into tears as he launches himself in your arms, clinging to you tightly. You turn your head towards the woman, glaring at her so fiercely she doesn’t dare to take a picture of the scene, even as she knows she could sell them for a golden price. 

“You should be ashamed of yourself. He’s just a child !” 

The woman was about to say something else, something you knew would fuel your anger further, when Bruce arrived, and it was clear from his face that he was not happy. 

A quick look to you holding his crying son in your arms, and to the lady with the camera in her hands, and he understand what happened. With a cold voice you never heard him use before, he says : 

“I suggest you leave the area now, before I force you to.” 

There was something almost scary, in his demeanor. Almost like...No. Impossible. In any case, you didn’t worry about it much, drawing soothing circles with your hand on Dick’s back, trying to calm him. 

People around quickly stopped staring as they met Bruce’s assassin glare. It was not secret, that he was very protective of his son. And of his new girlfriend, apparently. 

You picked the little boy in your arms (Dick, at the time, was still so tiny), and Bruce comes closer, trying to soothe him too. And it really looked like all this was real...

Dick fell asleep in Bruce’s arms shortly after that, and was still there when it was time for the gala official pictures. Not wanting to wake him up, for once, Bruce allowed people to photograph the boy, as long as they did not frame his face. 

He laid his free hand on the small of your back, and just like you got used to those past months, you pretend to be head over heels for him and have one of your own arm around his waist.  

“Would you please allow me to kiss you on the cheek, for the cameras ?”

His question is so sweet, softly whispered in your ears. And you felt like a tease tonight, and maybe a little tipsy too. You tell him : 

“On the cheek only ? Let’s give them a show no ? Let them forget about what happened with Dick.”

Of course, you’re only joking, but there’s a light in Bruce’s eyes you haven’t seen before and...It disappears quickly. He chuckles, of that low chuckles that would charm anyone in the world, and says :

“I don’t want to force you to do anything you wouldn’t want to. Actually kissing me, I realize, might be too much.”

You know he caught on your joke, but you can’t brush off that light in his eyes that ignited when you suggested to kiss him...You don’t know why, and it feels you’re not controlling your own words, as you hear yourself say :

“Oh because kissing you would be such a horrible thing wouldn’t it ? Oh my, you’re only one of the handsomest man in Gotham, a rather attractive fella, how could I handle kissing you ? So disgusting !”

Your tone is teasing, and a little bit challenging. He catches on that, too. He answers : 

“But I am merely here to serve. I will do as you wish. You only have to say the words.” 

His smile fills your vision. His face. And the way he softly holds your waist, even as his other arms is carrying his son (the man was BUILT). And you think...Well, fuck it ! It was time for the first (fake) kiss, right ? 

Right here, in front of the cameras, where everyone was seeing you. Making it go full circle. Making it “official”. 

“Kiss me then, if you dare.” 

You simply say. Releasing a breath you were unaware you were keeping in. And he feels his heart squeeze, and as if he’s sweating a bit. When was the last time he was nervous about kissing a woman ? 

He couldn’t remember. 

And then he kisses you, the flashes of cameras slowly fading away as his lips melt onto yours. 

Wow. What a perfect, and nice, first kiss. 

As fake as it might be.

Your room. 

Your room at Wayne Manor was bigger than your entire apartment. 

You and Bruce decided that sometimes, so you wouldn’t raise any suspicion, you’d sleep at the Manor. Paparazzi were so on top of everything, it would seem weird if he was in a “committed relationship” and you never slept at his place. 

So Alfred settled a room for you. 

Oh. Alfred ! You met him not long ago, and he was the best ! 

It felt like he could magically guess what you wanted when you wanted it, and magically appeared with that warm cup of tea you craved, or that meal you’ve been thinking about all day. 

But beyond that, he was genuinely nice and made sure to make you as comfortable as possible. He showed you around, and his conversation was so pleasant ! 

You could actually see a lot of Bruce in him. Or, rather, it was evident that Alfred had raised Bruce most of his life, because they had a lot of similar mannerism, and were both kind and caring (Ah, imagine if Superman knew what you thought of Bruce, how crazy it’d sound to him eh ? But of course, that you’d discover way WAY later). 

You never went to explore much when it was time to go to bed, too afraid to get lost. This place was huge, and you never quite had a good sense of orientation. 

One could only wonder, what would you have discovered if you ever dared to wake up during the night, and explore his home ?

Build a Bear. 

Sometimes, Bruce really had to wrack his brain for original date ideas. Ever since he came back to Gotham, his dating days consist of pretending to sleep with every model in the World. 

He’d take them to fashion shows, to galas, to charity events...All very public places, unsuitable for a “serious” relationship like he was hoping to make yours and his pass for. 

Enter : Clever little Dickiebird, who always had an idea (and who might’ve been the best wingman someone like the Batman needed...that, of course, he’d discover it way, WAY later) :

“You can take her to a build a bear !” 

“Build...a bear ?” 

“Yeah, you know. You go and you make your own teddy bear !” 

“I do know, I took you to get Chester - the name of Dick’s favorite plushie toy now, and maybe with which he slept-. But...For a date ?” 

“What ? It’s cute and intimate !” 

“Huh ?” 

It has been a long time, since Alfred Pennyworth had to hold his laughter in that hard, and try to stay impeccably neutral. And there, faced with his master Bruce, who was known as the “ultimate womanizer”, the “perfect playboy”, and who was currently taking advice from his eight years old son...It was really hard to keep a straight face. 

It was also incredibly adorable. Especially how Bruce seemed to genuinely listen to the little one, unaware that he seemed actually way too interested for things just to be for his “fake relationship” to be more convincing. 

Not that Alfred was going to tell Bruce anything. 

“Dick, you know (Y/N) isn’t really my girlfriend, right ?” 

The way the boy talked about taking you to a date, felt to Bruce like he was forgetting this was all fake. And it was important to remind him.

But Dick had to invoke all the efforts in the world to not roll his eyes as to say : “sure she isn’t”, by now, it was oh so obvious to everyone but you and Bruce that there was a very real thing forming between you two. 

Instead, he said : 

“But you’re suppose to make the public really believe it right ? If you take her to build a bear, I can assure you they will think you guys are the real deal.” 

Bruce pondered this for a little bit, and realized that his son was right. It did seem like a cute and intimate date to bring your girl to, even if she was your fake girl...

Ah. Bruce forgot his own words. “Dick is great at pretending.” He is. He really is. Just like right now, he was pretending his idea was completely innocent, while he knew it would bring you two ever so closer. 

That whenever you’d see those bears you were going to build in your home, you’d think of one another. And remember fondly of the memory. 

And oh. Oh that boy was right. 

Your bear was sitting proudly on your couch, and every time you saw it, you remembered how clumsy Bruce had been, filling his own bear up. And how cute he was, carefully thinking of his options. 

And every time Bruce saw his own bear, that Alfred, for some reason, settled in the Batcave on the “trophy shelves” (and for some reason Bruce didn’t take it off of it...), he couldn’t help but think how he had genuine fun that day. 

Genuine fun, for the first time in what felt like ages. And how your smiling and giggling face didn’t seem to leave his mind, whenever he saw that bear...

Conniving traitors. 

“We both agree, he’s in love with her right ? He’s just too dense to realize it.” 

“Oh yes, young Master Richard, he definitely is. And he is dense, at times.” 

“Should we do anything ?”

“No more than what you’re already doing.” 

“Which is ?” 

“Which is continuing to push them in the...Right direction.”

“Oh ! I get it ! I’ll keep going Al’!” 

“And I’m sure you’ll make miracles, young master.” 

Dick’s smile to the old butler was so pure and happy, that Alfred had a hard time keeping his composure once again. 

And oh. Oh how he wish they were right, and that his Master Bruce would FINALLY allow himself to be happy... 

Rumors and Truth 

Bruce was just a tiny bit older than you. 24, according to his wikipedia page. 

And you couldn't help but be a little jealous, as you were looking at the page to re-enroll yourself in Gotham’s university, knowing he was done with college.

Then again, he was obviously a genius and would’ve been done faster than you anyway, even if you were the same age, since he finished his PhD just the year before, while most people don't even START their doctorate until they're around 23/24. 

Mmmm. Made you think. Was this just yet another rumors about the man ? 

Maybe not, after all it was proven he started college at age 14, and in Ivy Leagues ones, all across the world. 

From Cambridge, to Oxford, without forgetting La Sorbonne (A/N : by the way, this is canon haha, Bruce really did start college that early and went to many different places, and honestly, is anyone surprised ?). 

This wasn't really something you absolutely couldn't believe, compared to other crazy rumors about him. And you knew he WAS smart. 

By then, you couldn't count how many things were circulating about him, and how hard it was to know the truth from just plain old rumors. 

He had over a thousand lovers, he had MORE than one PhD (impossible, right ?), he had died once but survived somehow, he was part of a cult, he often lost his status as a billionaire because he gave so much money to charities and such, but his companies meddled in so many areas that his bank account was always filled more and more…

Honestly that last part didn't really surprise you. You saw him gave his money away to things he cared about (like education and medical care) without a second thoughts, so the fact he constantly oscillated between "billionaire" and "multi-millionaire" didn't really surprise you, not when you knew him like you did now. 

You totally trusted the rumors that said that by now, he gave away more than he currently owned. It sounded like him alright…But how to know the truth from the downright crazy ? Did he really have a PhD or was this just an addition to how special and different Bruce Wayne was in Gotham ? What kind of PhD did he have anyway ? 1000 lovers, really ?!

So many questions. And not a lot of answers. Even if you grew closer (as friends, of course), Bruce was still somewhat of a mystery to you. 

He never really tried to dismiss rumors, even the bad ones (unless they touched his son). Which made you wonder if they were true or not. And you really, really, for some reasons, wanted to know more about him...

“Is something the matter ?” 

He asks. Oh goddamn you, day dreaming on one of your regular “coffee date”. 

You shake your head, sipping on your drink and say : 

“Was just thinking about...Tabloids.” 

“Ah.” 

He frowns. For understandable reasons.

“I was just thinking about wether some rumors were true or not.” 

“What do you think is not true ?” 

“I don’t really know, and you never really say a rumor is false so it’s hard to know.” 

“Do you want to know anything in particular ?” 

Bruce knows it’s dangerous, to let you enter his private life like that. There’s a reason, after all, why he never dismisses any rumors. 

It helped build his fake persona, and take away any suspicions that he might be the infamous Batman. 

But he felt weak, around you. As if he just wanted to please you, no matter what. Sometimes, he felt dangerously close to just tell you : “ask me anything and I’ll tell you the truth”, even if it meant revealing his night activities...

Crazy, right ? 

He knew it was. And that he shouldn’t let it happen. Yet here he was, asking if you wanted to know something. Craving your attention. It felt so unlike him. But...You seemed to unlock a certain part of him. 

The one that didn’t die with his parents, and remained hidden. The one that was the old little Bruce, full of hope, honesty and happiness. Full of wish for the future...Even if he knew there was none. 

“How was college, for you ?” 

You hear yourself asking, really wondering if it was true he was 14 when he started, and if it was...How different you guys were, right ? You were 21 right now, and taking a gap year after two years of college...When he was your age, he had already finished a master (or even maybe two). 

"My college years were actually pretty boring, and unlike some rumors say, weren't particularly wild. I was really young."

"Ah, I heard the rumors."

"Those are true, I'm afraid haha."

"Afraid ? You're a genius !"

Which is why you found, more and more, his "himbo" persona to be odd. WHat was Bruce Wayne trying to hide ? Mmm…

Bruce recognized that look in your eyes. The look of someone who was onto something, and it was too frightening to let it happen. So he said :

"Yes well, I feel I missed a lot, during those years. Which is why I make it up now hahaha !"

His boisterous laughter seemed genuine, and totally fooled you. You couldn't always be on top of everything eh ? And this, did answer your question about his himbo persona…Oh, Bruce was good.

And he knew it. He trained for years, to make sure nobody would ever even suspect him to be Batman.

But he had to be careful with you. He knew it. It was obvious. You weren't that easy to fool…

The Day Batman saved you. 

The fact he had to be careful with you was confirmed not long after. When, as Batman, he came to your rescue.

He should’ve known, that even with a voice changer, and a mask covering most his face, plus a demeanor that was completely different from his usual one, you’d still get suspicious...He should’ve known because he, by then, knew you quite well. 

But, what ? Was he suppose to just let you get mugged ? 

He couldn’t. 

Even if in the grand scheme of things, it would’ve been better, and he would definitely intervene if it got too rough...He couldn’t. 

He couldn’t bear the thought of you getting hurt, or feeling distressed.

He knew this was stupid. That he shouldn’t get so attached. That muggings weren’t really his area of expertise, that to stop them, he had to hit the big bosses. He knew. Small thugs weren’t his target. He had a much bigger vision. And rationally, he should be somewhere else right now. 

Yet he couldn’t resolve himself to. Because, and that was a dangerous thought and feeling, he was in l- 

“Why are we spying on your girlfriend ?” 

Dick’s voice takes him out of his reveries, good. It WAS getting dangerous. Still keeping you in his field of vision (you were slowly going back to your apartment, a few minutes still, and he could leave to do other things knowing you were safe and sound in your home), he answered :  

“We’re not spying on her, we’re making sure she’s safe. And she’s not my girlfriend, you know that.” 

“Oh yeah ? We’ve been following your “totally not girlfriend” since the night started, awfully looks to me like we’re um, you know, stalking her.”

“We’re not.” 

“Suuuuuuuuuure.” 

Bruce gives an annoyed look to his son, who had way too big a smug face right now, and says : 

“The night is calm, if something comes up we’ll go. But right now, it’s alright. And it has been made official, that she and I are a couple.” 

“Fake couple.” 

“Fake one to us, not to the public eye.” 

“Ooooooh !” 

Connections were quickly made in the boy’s head, and he understood why they were following her. After all, this was Gotham. And if THE Bruce Wayne had ONE known lover...Well, it was easy to know it’d attract some nasty business. 

Dick was about to make a smug remark of which he had a talent for, when it happened. He pointed at you, fear in his eyes, and Bruce focused your way again. 

“Stay here.” 

“What why ?! I wanna help her too !” 

“Because she’s too smart not to put two and two if she sees you with me. She knows us in our day lives. She’ll recognize us for sure, if we’re together.”

“Oh...”

“Just stay still, ok ?” 

“Ok.” 

Without a second thought, Bruce jumped down in the street down below, under Dick’s worried eyes. If anything happened to you, he knew his dad would never be the same again. 

And he knew he couldn’t bear to lose yet another person he cared about. Even loved. Yes. Yes Dick loved you, as if you really were part of his family...

The months of “faking” family outings made it so. Your worst fear happened. Dick was getting attached, hardcore. And he really hoped you and Bruce would figure out you were actually in love with each others before the end of your “contract”, and before his sometimes very dense dad would decide to let you go...

For now though, he was anxiously looking at Bruce making his way to you, after he spotted a suspicious group of men genuinely stalking you. 

************

“Hey pretty girl, can we talk ?” 

You stop in your track, turning around, cursing yourself for not having the instinct to just take off running. Oh. But you can see at least one of them has a gun. You can’t run faster than a bullet... 

“Ah it is you, isn’t it ?” 

You don’t answer, knowing what they mean. Bruce sort of warned you against this. But you didn't take his warnings seriously, and here you were, going home at night, something he definitely told you not to do. 

You just couldn’t sleep that night, and needed a walk...And here you were. 

“You’re gonna come nicely with us, right ?” 

“I dont’ think so.” 

Uh ? You’re pretty sure that weird robotic voice wasn’t yours. Even if that’s exactly what you wanted to say. And that’s...oh wow. 

That’s when you see him. Batman. 

Immediately, the atmosphere grow even tenser. And you can see the thugs who wanted to take you with them fearfully looking at him. 

“This has nothing to do with you Batman, leave us alone, we didn’t do anything wrong !” 

“It has everything to do with me. Leave.” 

“We have to-You don’t understand. We have to take her to-” 

“Nowhere. Leave.” 

Even if he was protecting you, you had to admit that, that dude was frightening. He had his back to you, and even then, he looked so intimidating and tall and broad...

Bruce was tall and broad too. But he was soft and sweet, not scary at all.

“OH MY GOD LOOK OUT !!” 

One of the thug had a gun pointed at Batman. Right at his head. He didn’t have the time to enforce his helmet yet, and if he shot around his mouth, he was done for...

A rock coming out of nowhere hit the thug right in the face. 

Coming out of nowhere ? To you, maybe. But Bruce knew that this was little Dickie’s doing. “Robin always has Batman’s back”, he said often...

For the time being, the one taking his gun out being knocked out triggered a “fight or flight” reaction in the others, and as two took off running (and were mysteriously hit by rocks too, knocking them out), three decided to attack Batman. 

Bad move. 

Very bad move. 

In a matter of second, it was over. 

He turns to you, and it’s hard to discern any emotions with his lighted eyes and mask. He asks : 

“Are you alright, (Y/N) ?” 

“How-How do you know my name ?”

“Well, you’re Bruce Wayne’s girlfriend, right ?” 

There was no hesitation in Bruce’s voice as, as soon as he pronounced your name, he knew he messed up...but he trained himself to think quickly. And this “fake” relationship was a perfect excuse, of course. Everyone in Gotham knew about you two, by now. 

“Oh, right, ok.” 

You seemed a bit disappointed, and Bruce couldn’t quite understand why...

It only hits him later, as he was going to bed, why you looked like that. And it made hi heart beat widely. Because he was pretty sure that it was because you sort of hoped Bruce talked to “Batman about you...Oh...Oh this was getting dangerous. 

But of course, Bruce had a reputation to be the one funding Batman’s gadget (a really good cover for the fact he was actually Batman). So they’d know each others...

But right there and then, as he just saved you, you felt so stupid, hoping that Bruce would’ve talked to you to Batman. Why would he ? How the hell would your name even show up in a conversation between Bruce Wayne and Batman (but oh, if you knew you occupied his thoughts many times, and who he really was, maybe you’d feel less bad ? It was, in a way, Bruce talking about you to Batman, right ?). 

You smiled weakly and shyly at this impressive being in front of you, and thanked him one more time. He nods, smiling too (oh ?), and bid you farewell. 

Ah. But Bruce didn’t notice your eyes go wide, as he took off with his grappling hook, and you caught the side of his face in a certain light...

Fake ?

"You know, he smiles more when you’re around.” 

Dick tells you once, you look at him curiously, as he continues : 

“And before you say it’s “all pretend”, let me tell you there’s a difference between this smile and the fake one. Look, that’s how he pretend.” 

On that note, he looked at you and smiled widely, exaggeratedly, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. And it was so like how Bruce portrayed himself in public, that it made you chuckle. 

It also scared you a little. 

Not because there was a possibility Bruce did smile more around you, but because as that little boy was being silly, and now imitating his adopted father further and oh so perfectly...You felt a surge of love for him. 

And that wasn’t good. 

Because the day, which was coming soon now, you’d have to “dump” Bruce Wayne, you wouldn’t be able to see that little one again...why would you ? 

It’d be too weird, right ? Someone like you, once “broken up”, would have no reasons or ways to ever interact with billionaire Bruce Wayne or his son ever again. 

That little boy was the sweetest child you ever met. He suffered a great loss so early in his life, and there he was, making you laugh and being nice by saying you made his dad genuinely smile. 

It hurt, to know that one day, you wouldn’t see him again. That he’d grow up, and you wouldn’t know what he became. 

You were sure he was destined to become a great man, and you wished you could see it...No. No this was bad. This was so bad. 

“I mean it you know.” 

His little voice brings your attention back to him. 

“I think you make him happy. With you, it feels he can be himself. He laughs more, really laughs. And it’s often that he tells me “oh this makes me think of (Y/N)” and calls you. He doesn’t need to call you for the fake relationship thing, right ? Yet he does. That means something. I think he likes you.” 

You shake your head, smiling at this little boy’s wild imagination. No way. No way was THE Bruce Wayne falling for you in any way. Were you guys becoming real friends ? Sure. But it definitely stopped there. Right ?

Oh but if only you knew Dick had a knack to see this kind of things, and to guess people’s real feelings. If only you knew, that yes, Bruce was starting to fall for you...It would make the next episode way less painful for you. 

“Catch me dead before you catch me catching feelings” - You to yourself, a few days before starting a fake relationship with THE Bruce Wayne. 

“Fuck you” - You to yourself, almost six months in faking a relationship with Bruce Wayne. 

This was...bad. 

Soon enough, you and Bruce will break this entire deal off, you will “dump” him, and you’d go on your separate ways. And...

This was bad. 

Why ? WHY COULDN’T YOU JUST HANG OUT WITH THIS AMAZING CHARMING MAN AND THAT’S IT ? Why ? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GET OUT THERE AND CATCH....

Catch...

Catch those body shivering “feelings”. 

Not just for Bruce though. But for the little buddy too. 

You felt yourself fall for Bruce slowly, and as if it was completely out of your control. But you also felt like if Dick wasn't in your life anymore...You wouldn’t feel whole again. Like he was sort of your son, too, by then. 

This was so bad. How did you get yourself in this mess ? What was that FIRST rule you gave yourself when all this started ? 

Right, “Catch me dead before I catch feelings”. Damn it. 

Thanks GOD the “marrying season” was finally coming to an end. Both you and Bruce settled you’d wait a few weeks after it to make your break-up official, so nobody would be tempted to cancel any wedding plans to try and force their daughter onto him.  

And it couldn’t happen soon enough. 

Being around him now, faking being in love, was torture to you. 

Kissing him knowing he felt nothing. Holding his hand in public while you knew in your heart he was just putting a show still. And hanging out with him feeling that you had absolutely no chance of this ever evolving...

It hurt.

It hurt so bad. 

And you were slowly hoping you never agreed to being his fake girlfriend. Being a living cliche, the money and the fame were REALLY not worth the heartache. 

So not worth it...

The end...?

"Well mister Wayne, it has truly been a pleasure to be your "girlfriend" haha. Seriously, I had a lot of fun, and a little revenge on life. You know, I saw Eric and Monica not long ago. They tried to become my friends again, knowing I was with you. It was great, to ignore them like they ignored them. You’re right, they’re really not worth it. And honestly I still don’t think we’re even after they hurt me like they did but...In the end, they looked so outraged. Win-win, really. Thank you very much."

"Thank YOU, for playing along and doing more than you bargained for. You really saved me a lot of hassle and…I had fun, too."

Your taxi was pulling in front of the Manor, and honked as he parked. Clearly, not a very patient driver.

"Well, see you around, Bruce ! If you're not too busy, you know…I kinda consider you a friend by now ?"

"Me, too."

Bruce lied. A "friend" ? No, it couldn't cover and explain all his feelings for you. A "friend". How ridiculous.

As you walked away, giving him a last smile, Bruce felt a pang in his chest.

A painful and yet happy one. A longing one. One that told him that "friend" wasn't what he wanted to be…Not anymore…

But was there really a future for you and him ? Probably not. His nightly activities would get in the way. You deserve more than the life he could give you. Being his "fake" girlfriend, you only took part in his public matters. Part in a fake world full of nice things, that was far from his actual life.

"Friend", he wished he could be more to you than this.

But he knew.

He knew that for your own good, he had to stay away. And oh, oh how he wished he could be more than just your "friend" or "fake" boyfriend. 

Yet he watched as you walked away. Without doing anything. 

He watched you leave, and felt the hole in his heart expand a little more. But didn’t try to catch you, or stop you from leaving. 

And your taxi was already far, now. On its way to Gotham. 

"So you gonna run after her oooor…??"

Dick's little voice takes him out of his reveries.

“Mmm ?” 

“(Y/N). Are you gonna run after her, or stand there looking like a sad puppy for the rest of your life ?” 

“I do not look like a sad puppy.” 

“Yes you do, and you know it. Come on dad, why are you doing this ?” 

This was the first time Dick called him dad. Which didn’t go unnoticed to Bruce. It meant...It meant something was definitely happening. He felt it in his heart. Something that was dangerous. Oh so dangerous. 

Hope. Like the “old Bruce” had. Hope. Full of it. Before his parents were murdered in front of him, for no reasons. Meaningless. 

Hope. 

To have a family again. Ah. But...Being with you was impossible. And Dick would be enough. He would. He was already enough... 

“How long are ya gonna torture yourself exactly ?” 

That boy was too smart for his own good. Bruce said : 

“I’m not. I just...I can’t be with her.” 

“I cAn’T bE wITh hEr !! ...Why ?!” 

“You saw what happened, when it was made official we were together. She almost died.” 

“And you saved her. Your point being ?” 

“Dick...”

“Don’t -he takes a mock Bruce voice- “Dick” me mister ! You’re afraid to be happy, and I won’t have it. You gave me another chance to have a family. A dad. And I’m not about to let my dad punish himself for feeling good. You told me yourself my parents would like for me to be happy. Well yours would too, you big idiot ! So now, you listen to me.” 

Dick, meaning business, jumps on the stairs’ bannister to sort of be on eye level with Bruce, and says, pointing his finger at him : 

“You take one of those fancy useless sport car, and you run after her. Capish ?” 

There’s a moment of silence. During which Bruce is unsure of what to do. And then...Then he smiles at his son. 

His son. 

“Capish”, he simply says, and he rushes towards the garage’s entrance, under Dick’s happy look. 

Success. 

Bruce’s car was leaving the estate, when Alfred joined Dick at the front door. 

“You did it, Master Richard.” 

“I hope I did !” 

“Oh you did. You did. Thank you. Thank you for taking care of my son...”

Dick turned to Alfred, who couldn’t keep a straight face this time. Small tears gathered in the old man’s eyes, and sweet little Dick did not hesitate one second before jumping into his arms and giving him one of his famous “Grayson special” hug. 

It’s real. 

Back to square one. 

You. A bad day. Looking like a mess (this time not because of the rain, but because you cried a lot). Your gap year almost over and still not knowing who you were. With no coffee, but at least, you had a tub of ice cream. 

You already missed Bruce. And Dick. And Alfred. 

You couldn’t believe those six months of “faking” would end up meaning so much to you, and feel so devastating as they ended. 

You wish you had never met Bruce. And that you’d been ridiculed by Eric and Monica, that your life would still be pathetic...Pathetic maybe, but at least, your heart wasn’t completely shattered. 

You don’t hear the hurried knocks on your door, at first. Entranced by your own sadness. It’s only when they become loud and insistant you react. 

You really hope it’s not a journalist. They sort of tried to talk to you so many times, since you “dumped” Bruce...You knew he made sure that they’d stay away, but some were particularly persistent. 

Including that awful woman from the charity, who was asking Dick those horrible questions. “Vicky Vale”, was her name, apparently. What a witch. 

Clearly, the knocking wasn’t gonna go away, so you stood up, settled your tub of ice cream on your coffee table, and went to the door, ready to fight if need be. 

But there was no need for fights. 

At least, not in the literal sense of the term. 

“Bruce ?” 

He seems out of breath. Incredible, given how in shape he was. He doesn’t really leave you any time to say anything else, as he blurts out :

“I was wrong.”

He blurts out out of nowhere, and you’re even more confused. Before you could ask what was all this about, he adds : 

“I was wrong. When I said you were the right person because you were “normal”. You’re everything, BUT “just a regular person”. You’re the most fantastic woman I’ve ever met. You decided to help a total stranger just because. I know I helped you before, but it doesn’t compare to what you did for me. Especially on a matter that seems so silly to me now. You put yourself in a very awkward position for someone you didn’t even know. In front of the public, for a guy like me. You knew I was a “playboy”, and that I could very well use you. Yet you still put up with it. You accepted my son, even as you didn’t have to. Even as, just like me, you are so young. You were nice to Dick, even if all you needed to do was pretend. You’re...You’re...You’re just something else entirely. It feels like you know me, the real me. Like you can read my very soul. Like you’re the only one for me. I’ve known for a long time. I ignored it because I was afraid of what that meant but...but a certain little one made me realize this was time. It’s time to move on. It’s time to allow myself to be happy. And so, here I am.”

Was this...it ? The point of your gap year ? To discover that finding yourself...Meant finding your soulmate ? 

It sounded silly. While at the same time, not. Because you felt it. You felt it deep within you. From the moment Bruce handed you that twenty dollars bill, fate was in motion. 

You meeting Eric and Monica wasn’t bad luck. It was the opposite. It was the Universe’s push towards your real Destiny. 

Towards Bruce. 

“You’re not saying anything. Is this bad ? Or does it mean I blew your mind away ? I’m clearly hoping for the latter...”

Over the months, you discovered how huge of a dork Bruce Wayne could be. Even as if there was often a darkness right behind his smiles. Deep within his eyes. You discovered he wasn’t always this cocky arrogant man he portrayed himself to be while in public. How he was actually pretty funny and oh so empathetic. How...How so many things, the list seemed endless in your mind. 

And it only added to everything, that he looked so unsure. And so you smile. You just smile at him. And everything you feel is in that smile. 

You don’t even realize you’re holding each others now, and that you’re kissing...

It’s not pretend this time. 

A real first kiss. 

Though maybe all your kisses until now weren’t as fake as you pretended them to be. 

In any case, this, right now, is a real kiss alright. 

A real one. 

Full of all the pent up emotions. Free of all the fear and hurt you both felt as you realized you were in love with the other one, yet you thought things were all “fake”. 

Because it wasn't fake. It wasn’t. 

“I love you.” 

You don’t know who said it first. You, or him. You felt so in sync, that it didn’t matter. What is sure, is that you both said it. Before you closed the door to your apartment, leading him in. 

Before you spend the night in each other’s arms.

Bruce not even thinking about going out as Batman..

For the first time in years, he decided to fully embrace being happy. 

“You always told me my parents would wish for me to be happy, well yours too !” Dick said. And oh, he was so right.

By the way, I’m Batman. Surprise. 

“It’s not like I didn’t know, you know.” 

“Huh ?” 

Oh. Oh the delight to see that surprised expression on Bruce’s face. It was quite a rare one, really. And as he finally gathered the courage to tell you who he really was, risking losing you in the process but wanting to show you his full self...

It was particularly delightful. 

“Busted you on that night you saved me. As if I wasn’t going to recognized that jawline.” 

“Wait, really ? I really thought you bought my lies !” 

“Well now, you know not to underestimate me.” 

“I...Do.”

A natural smile reaches his face, and he approaches you, pulling you to him, and laying a soft kiss on your lips. Feeling fully accepted and loved, like never before. And he could see you-

“Oh NO EWWWWWW !!!” 

You pull away from Bruce’s kiss (noticing his slow grumble, displeased to lose  your warmth), and look at little Dickie (your son too, now !), staring at you two, looking disgusted. 

“Get a ROOOOM !!” 

This makes you laugh. A lot. And oh. Oh how would you ever guess, in that moment, that one day, this “get a room !!” said in such a disgusted tone would be the trademark of your children (SIX OF THEM) whenever they’d see you and Bruce display any sort of affection to one another ? 

You couldn’t guess, of course. But even in that moment, as you softly laughed, in Bruce’s arms, while looking at your son now making exaggerated noises and acting silly, you knew this...

This was what you’ve been looking for during this gap year. 

This was who you were. 

Right there. 

At the heart of a loving family, even if right now, it was just the three of you (four, let’s not forget Alfred !). 

The end. 

_________________________________________________

And here we are. I hope you liked it ? I feel particularly nervous about this one haha. Don’t hesitate to leave a little comment and reblog :),  It’s always greatly appreciated, and encouraging :D. Thanks in advance, and see you soon with a new story !