#this girl in my class was talking about how she’s romantically not attracted to women but sexually she is and it literally took everything

[thefemaleterrorist]

“i’m a heterosexual bi romantic demisexual AND half asexual + queer leaning-” what if i kms in front of you ???🧐🧐

[rimunagenius]

It’s Time You Switch

ʚ pairing: Paige Bueckers x reader

ʚ word count: 4.4k words

ʚ prompt: “Fuck your boyfriend, he a bitch. I think it’s time you switch.”

ʚ warnings: RPF!! , smut!!, voyeurism, dirty talk?, face riding, fingering, oral reader!receiving, basically porn with little plot

ʚ rimunagenius speaks: in which Paige turns straight girls ;) i have not written smut since my wattpad era so im sooo insanely rusty but i also have never felt the touch of a woman romantically sooo idek if this will be any good…suggestions are welcome to make it better!! and for future works!!

| Masterlist | Women’s Basketball Masterlist |

"I don't know what I did to him, though. That's what I can't let go. He's being so dry and cold." You told the team as you did dynamic warm up before practice started.

Coach G just shook his head, listening to all your guy problems. This was just another boy for him to hate on campus. At this rate, the whole male and female population at UConn was on his shit list.

"I say, you dump him." KK said, patting your back mid walking lunge. "He's been doing this for months now, it's time to drop him, girl boo.” You told KK a lot of things. She was just a freshman but she become a quick and good friend.

You met her in a class you had been taking and started talking, soon finding out you were both on the same team. It shocked her, but after finding out you stayed off social media, the press release of her committing was new news. You were a senior and she was a freshman, but this friendship was like you two knew eachother forever.

"Yeah, I agree with K." Paige said, from the other side of you. A soft, comforting smile on her face.

"You know what could fix this? A girls night." Aaliyah smiled, her eyebrows wiggling suggesting you guys go out.

"I know you're not planning to go out, get drunk on the night before a game." Coach yelled from his seat on the bench.

"But Coach, c'mon! My girls feeling sad." Paige feigned a pout, grabbing your shoulders and pointing your face, you pouting your lips and batting your lashes.

"Nah, it's okay. I don't really want to go out anyways. Staying in is the move." You sighed, the stretching finished.

You talked about it all practice—sad about it all practice. After, Paige suggested you come over to her place, a sleepover. You begrudgingly agreed. Telling her she needed to take you home to get some clothes; Paige shutting it down because you could borrow hers.

That was the first mistake. It didn't feel like a mistake in the end but that was the first step to a very confusing day afterwards. The second, sharing a bed with the blonde.

You both decided to lay in her bed, get fat on snacks, and watch all the movies you could before getting sleepy and tapping out for the night. I guess Paige had another tapping in mind.

"You know he doesn't deserve you so why do you stay with him?" Paige disregarded the movie, turning her head slightly to look at you.

"He does deserve me, he's just struggling, I guess." You shrugged your shoulders, dwelling on the fact that you couldn't figure out what he was actually struggling with.

"Fuck your boyfriend. He's a bitch for the way he's acting with a pretty girl like you." Paige got passionate about defending her friends. Especially when someone in their life wasn't treating them right. She was more of a protector. A fierce one.

"Paige, that's a little mean."

"It's true. It's time you switched. I'm telling you, girls are so much less complicated. They're easier to read and better at communicating." Paige smirked to you, knowing you wouldn't shoot for it.

"Please, if I knew how, I would." You rolled your eyes, looking down, shoving a potato chip in your mouth.

Paige's eyes went wide. There's no way you were actually serious. You looked like the straightest of straight girls, a very attractive one. Which is why she thought it sucked you didn't swing that way. "No way, are you serious?" She laughed.

"Yeah, but I dont even think I like girls like that." You furrowed your brows. You never actually thought about it. You had no idea if the "girl crushes" you had were actually crushes.

"What does that mean?"

"Like, I've seen girls and thought they were super attractive. I'd wonder what it'd be like to kiss them, and I used to say i’d treat them better than their actual boyfriends, but I didn't think that far." That set it off for Paige. That's how it started. First you thought about what it'd be like to kiss a girl, then to date, and then to fuck.

"Have you ever thought about dating them?" Paige already knew where this was going.

"Yeah sort of. But I was always with him that it was whatever." You looked to Paige.

"Well it's time you switch." She smiled smugly at you, shrugging her shoulders. "I'm down to show you how." That was the most forward Paige had ever been with a girl. She knew it was swaying you, the contemplation clouding your vision, deep in thought.

"What do you mean 'show me'? Like how to fuck?" Your brows furrowed as you questioned the blonde beside you.

"That's exactly what I mean..." Paige's eyes watched yours, waiting for the green light.

"Okay." Suddenly the air in your lungs disappeared when Paige grabbed your face and kissed you deeply. She wanted this for so long. You and her had been bestfriends all throughout your childhood. She had even told Geno he couldn't give her an offer without giving you one. Your skills in basketball were exceptional, your work ethic and athleticism and ability to work with people around you. You and Paige made a great team.

She had admired everything about you for as long as she could remember. She was just waiting on you. You moaned into the kiss, opening your legs so she could slot her body between yours, achieving the best angle to kiss you.

Something in you felt like this was all muscle memory. Like you two have done this before. Her hands moved to your hips, her grip firm but so soft. You two kicking the snacks off the bed, not caring about the mess that was to be made.

"Imma take your clothes off...that okay?" Paige's lips trailed down the collumn of your neck, moaning at the sensation your body sparked throughout her body.

"Yeah, okay. Please." Instantaneously Paige's fingers dropped the the waistband of your pajama shorts, and the waistband of your underwear. The feeling of lace pulling a groan from the blondes throat. Ridding you of your pants and underwear, her hand grabbed the hem of your shirt—her shirt, sliding it up.

You sat up, pulling it off, panting softly. You couldn't believe this was happening. The least you expected from this sleepover was hooking up with your bestfriend, in her bed, on a friday night. You then grabbed Paige's face, needing her lips on yours like you were a woman starved.

Paige was a sweetheart; a golden retriever, kind, and good person...but when it came to her game, on and off the court, she was literally a cocky fuck boy who could prove they could get into your pants. She was a respectful woman, one of the best even, but the second mutual interest was involved; game over.

While making out, her hand cupping your breast over the padding of your bra, the only clothing you seemed to have on left, she bit your bottom lip, slightly tugging on it with her teeth. Your back arched, moaning at the sensation she was able to wash your body in, she quickly unclasped your bra, sliding the straps off when you were flat on your back.

Having the soft skin of yours exposed, she slowed her movements, dodging your face when you tried to kiss her again. "Show me how he got you off." The sentence shocked you.

"Huh?" You looked at her, her eyes having the same challenging look. She knew she'd do ten times better than he ever could. Plus, it helped that her anatomy and your anatomy were the same...meaning, she knew where everything was.

"You heard me, show me what he did for you, so I can show you that I can do it better." Her long hair falling on her shoulders, she slid her Huskies t-shirt off, leaving her in a black sports bra.

You shifted on the bed, nervous but willing. She already had you naked, you were already so wet so you knew when you try and fail to get yourself off like how your ex did, she'd make it better. Paige always made it better.

You reached your hand down, sliding your fingers through your soaking wet cunt, gathering as much as your slick as possible, gasping softly. The feeling of your fingers ghosting your clit, you remembered that you were supposed to be doing this how he did, so you disregarded the spot your body ached and pleaded for physical contact, and jumped straight to inserting two fingers.

You looked at Paige, a look in her eyes you've never seen before. "Wait, he didn't even—?" She was confused but really focused nonetheless. You knew she wasn't really paying attention to what you were doing, she was; she was literally getting soaked at watching you play with yourself, but she just couldn't take her eyes off your pretty pussy. She would never be your 'friend' again after tonight.

You shook your head at her question and continued in fingering your self, curling your fingers at the right spots, maintaining the even yet somewhat hasty pace. Your panting started to get louder, your eyes fluttering closed every now and again. Slowly coaxing yourself to your high, you spread your legs wider, reaching your hand out, signaling Paige you wanted her to grab your hand.

She placed her hand in yours and she was immediately pulled on top of you, your mouth finding hers. Your hand never wavered in the work you were doing on yourself, which is why Paige swallowed the loud moan induced by your orgasm, as you slowly started to slow the rhythm of your fingers, riding out the small orgasm.

You don't know why you did it, you only were conscious of it after you had placed the fingers that were previously inside of you, into her mouth. Your jaw slack, jus a tiny bit, watching and feeling her lick your fingers, swallowing any trace of your she can hope to find. You couldn’t believe you were behaving like this. So dirty but so willing.

Paige moaned at the action, not trying to deny that what you had done could've made her come alone. She started to drag her lips from yours, to the corner of your lips, to your cheek, all the way to and down your neck, sloppy and lazy but sensual kisses were left in her wake.

She wouldn't dare leave any marks behind, your guys' team would calculate what went down her tonight. So she settled for non-visible hickeys. When her lips met your breasts, she took her sweet time with both. Her tongue swirling around your taught nipple, her free hand kneeding the other.

Your back was already arching off the bed, hands tugging at the sheets below you. The soft cries leaving your lips egging her on.

She moved across the other breast, a trail of purple and red trailing the way, her hand switched places. You couldn't take this...you needed her somewhere else. You loved this but holy was she dragging it out.

Before you could even ask—beg, her to move where you were so desperately wanting her, her hand was already spreading your leg open, lips following a foreign, yet so familiar path, all the way down to the curve of your thighs.

She started slowly, opting to tease you, but also educate you like she promised. You understood the significance of foreplay, hell you craved it in your evidently clear soon to be previous relationship, but you couldn't take the ache your pussy had for Paige. It's like it knew you needed her all along. It didn't help that you hated the prolonged attention, but also loved it. Watching her worship your body was something so unexplainably attractive.

The way she slowly placed soft kisses from your knees, massaging the soft skin of your calf's along the way, all the way up your thigh. The closer her lips got to your center, the more antsy you became. You needed her mouth to connect already. You couldn't take it anymore.

"Oh, my god. Paige...please." You sighed, your panting growing more and more viscous.

"Please what, gorgeous?" Her lips ghosted over your wet folds as she moved to the other leg, now blatantly teasing the fuck out of you, while she smiled and kissed every expanse she could.

"Please just eat my pussy already. I can't take it." You almost cried begging her to finally do something. She had you masturbate infront of her for christ sake.

"Whatever you want." She looked into your eyes, her pupils blown, a blissed out smile and haze on her face. Almost immediately after, her face disappeared in between your legs. Paige licked a stripe up your soaking cunt, from the entrance all the way to the most sensitive nerve ending.

The sound that escaped your mouth was borderline pornographic as the built up arousal finally was being tended to. The feeling of her slick tongue running one more stripe through your folds before swirling around your clit was something you absolutely could not imagine. Your mind in a foggy mess.

"You taste so sweet, baby." The name leaving her mouth ignited fuzziness that you felt in your toes all the way to your scalp. Her voice hoarse, mouth glistening from you, you could never get this sight out of your head; nor did you want to.

"Ohhhh, my god." It came out like a pure cry. The choked moans mixed with tears and strained sobs, elicited a newfound hunger in Paige.

Her mouth doing double time, her tongue swirling and licking perfectly paced, her lips sucking and kissing all the right places at the right time, started to build up the coil in your belly. The feeling growing more and more intense the more she praised you from between your legs. "You're doing so good for me, baby." You couldn't even breathe.

The coil snapping, the tension in your belly now releasing, a gushing mess now painted Paige's gorgeous face, your mouth agape.

You couldn't help but scream...almost. Your moan so loud, Paige covered your mouth with her hand. "Shh, don't want the neighbors to hear." Paige panted softly in your ear, before cracking the signature smirk.

The smugness she had while she saw the aftermath of what seemed to be the best orgasm you have ever had in your life. Your breathing still shallow, your chest heaving, the pattern of the way it rises and falls mesmerizes Paige. Her ego being fed tremendously watching the way you fell apart just by her going down on you.

She couldn't help but want to brag to your ex that he couldn't even make you feel half of what she just did. The accomplishment of getting you to look like this in her bed, your breath fanning over her face as she hovered over you, the accomplishment in having you like this, with her in her bed, was truly a miracle.

Paige loved it. She could go this whole night just fulfilling your needs, showing you everything you missed out on in your pointless one sided relationship. She intended to.

"Oh, my god. That was—" You stopped, your breath finally returning. "That was fucking amazing." You looked at the blonde who seemed to be content watching you fall apart.

The smugness on her face but the adoration of you being here, pure evidence that she was enjoying every second of it. "It was. Didn't know you were a screamer." The cocky Paige returned, forgetting keeping the moment remotely intimate. You smacked her arm that rested next to your body, and grabbed her face and kissed her.

You caught her off guard, her mouth open due to a small gasp, and took that as your chance to slide your tongue in her mouth. You two made out like horny teenagers. You two weren't that far from being teenagers, that was only a couple years ago, but you two made eachother feel like two young kids, absolutely enamored with the idea of each other that you couldn't get off of eachother.

You two made out, you slowly turning yourself so you could be on top. Paige knew what you were trying to do, allowing you to take control for now. You oulled apart, looking down at her, picturing this, saving it for the foreseeable future. Chasing your lips, Paige grabbed your face, pulling you into a deepening kiss. You two literally couldn't get enough of eachother.

Before you could even get the rest of Paige's clothes off, she grabbed your hips that were resting on hers, and pulled them forcefully over towards her chest. You gasped and yelped, suprised at the sudden force she was using. Hesitant to follow, you saw her hungry gaze go between your eyes and your now—again, soaking cunt.

There was no way. "Paige, no. Don't even think about it." You warned, a small intimidating look. It normally had an affect on Paige on the court, knowing when she saw it, you talked a big game and backed it up. But right now, in the bedroom, you were hers and she had the control.

Tonight was to show you what you were missing out on, and how to get a girl going. There was no way she'd let you have the control, no matter how much she wanted it. She'd save that for another night. Maybe she was getting too ahead of herself, but there was going to be another night with you.

"What are you talking about?" The smugness returned, along with a feigned clueless look. You couldn't take her serious with the fact that your thighs were damn near putting her in a chokehold, her hands inching you closer and closer to where she wanted you...where she wanted you to sit, preferably.

"Paige, i'm not about to sit on your face." You tried scooting back, forgetting that Paige was actually stronger than you. The ferocity in which she pulled your hips, your pussy ghosting her lips at the force and aim in which she yanked you, a small gasp escaped your sealed lips.

You yanked your hips back, giving her a pointed look. "I was trying to literally fuck you, not trying to sit on your face. Let me make you feel good, baby." Paige knew she could get away with calling you baby, you probably weren't thinking much of it when she said it. But Paige said it with conviction, just the way you did right now.

The name only egged her on when you used it in this context. The only context Paige wanted to hear it in. "Your making me feel good by letting me make you feel good. I promise i'm fine, I just want you to sit this pretty pussy on my face. Will you let me?" Her eyes sincere, the smirk playing on her lips slowly convincing you by the second.

"You promise?" You whispered, suddenly conforming to the blonde underneath you. Something about the way she talked easily convinced you.

"Yeah. Promise." You stared down at her, unsure. Not wanting to crush her, your thighs being pretty full, the muscle you've built over the years, and just the general size being something you've been insecure about since you were a little girl.  She knew that.

That's why when she saw the look on your face, she kissed your thighs. In whatever spot she could reach. She gave you a reassuring nod, smile on her face. Albeit you didn't know what kind—cocky or comforting. Either way, when she said what she did, you immediately obeyed.

"Sit on my face." You then moved both knees eye level with Paige, falling back slightly, your pussy ghosting her lips again. The second you put your full weight on her face, her mouth got to work.

The sensation and new angle elicited some explicit sounds. 'Didn't know you were a screamer' kept replaying in your head when you tried to quiet down the moans only Piage seemed to be able to pull from you, escaped your lips.

Her hands cupped your ass, pressing your body down impossibly closer and harder into her face. She seemed to be pushing so hard, you were scared you were going to suffocate her. Her tongue teased your entrance, swiftly ghosting in and out of it, before lapping at your folds and clit perfectly.

She ate you like a woman starved. Like if this was her last meal. You had enjoyed every second of this exchange. You reached your hand down slowly, softly moving your hand in slow circles on your clit, overstimulating yourself.

Paige took notice of your fingers now getting to work, a gravely groan reverberating into your wet pussy as she looked up at you, and quickly closing her eyes in bliss. She decided that since you wanted to touch yourself, she'd slide a finger or two into you. To really get you going. Wasn’t the most ideal positioning but she was going to make it work.

Her head bobbed subtly, effectively getting her tongue into the small space where her fingers were about to make an appearance. Inserting one finger, Paige watched, felt, and listened to the way your body reacted to her movements.

Using each reaction to her advantage. The small gasp you let out when she inserted herself into you, the way your breathing reluctantly changed pace, so she inserted another, noticing how your breath picked up. That's when she curled her fingers methodically to the pace she set for herself, matching the pace you set while you continued rubbing circles in your clit.

It didn't take long for Paige to brung you closer to the edge while her tongue picked up the slack for your fingers. You stopped your movements and let her do the work, she could tell it was good by the volume your pants and moans were sounding. She was working overtime while you ran your hand over her hair, eventually looking for another anchor to grip to while you violently come undone by your best friend. "Oh, my god. Right there. Don't stop." You panted, your jaw dropped.

Your legs started to shake, Paige's pace relentless while she finger fucked you in her bed, while she simultaneously ate you out. This wasn't the way you expected to spend your night, and neither did Paige, but holy fuck was it worth it.

"Don't you dare stop—Oh!" The coil snapped once again, a guttural cry and moan left your lips. You swore that any person who was passing by Paige's apartment would've thought you were filming porn. The moans you moaned were insane and absolutely the biggest turn on for Paige. She wouldn't lie and say she didn't already get off on just hearing you.

Yeah, she worked at you, and saw your oh so pretty parts, but listening to the affect she had on you, the comparison made between her and your ex and the ego boost that came with it, were just the perfect amount to get her off on just pleasuring you for the last two hours.

Your breath uneven, slowly moving your legs away from her face, your chest still heaving. She chuckled softly, before looking over to you, while you laid yourself next to her. "That's how it's done, baby." Paige held her hand up, trying to signal a high five.

You looked at her blankly, her seeing the absolute fucked our face you had, and then pulled you closer to her. Your body resting against hers; the stark contrast of your overheated body, compared to her cold and cool body.

The contrast easing the overwhelmed feeling you harbored just a little easier. "You did so good for me, baby. You looked so hot while I made you come. Couldn't believe it." You smacked her chest, feeling a little cringed that she had to see you and all the faces you could've made while you had the most earth shattering orgasms.

"Paige. Oh my god, stop." You laughed, she did too, You two laid there for a minute before she broke the silence.

"You're not going back to him, right?" Her voice now withdrawn from the cockiness and confident undertones, and just pure nerves and concern. She hoped you'd say no. That you'd choose to stay with her, and tell her he was just there until you realized your feelings for her were the same as the ones she's had for you all these years.

"No, I'm breaking up with him tomorrow. You think i'd go back to him, when he couldn't do half the shit you did with your tongue alone? Yeah, right." You looked up at Paige, your bestfriend. You couldn't believe this is what your relationship evolved to in a matter of two hours.

"Soo, that means..." Paige was hopeful. She just wanted you to say what she's been wanting to say for years.

"Let's date. I love you, you obviously love me," She looked away, embarrassed, and playfully pushed you away. You grabbed her arm, pulling her back so she could look you in the eyes. "Do you want to be my girlfriend? Serious."

"Serious. I'll be your girlfriend. Finally." Paige kissed you, slowly. Melting into eachother, the weight of the new relationship status now sinking in. You two were ecstatic.

You decided to clean up, showering, again, her inevitably joining you. When you both settled and were ready for bed. Too tired and fucked out to continue the movie—restart the movie—you two had started a while ago, it was quiet and dark in the room when Paige suddenly whispered, "I knew you weren't straight."

"Paige, got to sleep! Oh my god." You chuckled before smacking her with the pillow under your head.

"Jeez! Sorry! But I called it."

[gaysindistress]

When Night Come- three

Summary: Who would win in a staring contest? New York’s resident mob boss and master of the side eye Bucky Barnes or the daycare teacher who really wants to go home and smoke?

pairing: Mob!Bucky Barnes x reader

warnings: cursing, Jessica being Jessica (we love and hate her)

word count: 3.5k

two | masterlist

Tag list; @vickie5446 @cakesandtom @buckybarnessimpp @hidden-treasures21​ @unaxv​ @mal-adaptive-dreams @elizacusi-blog

disclaimer: credits to original creator/poster of image/gif. found on Google/Pinterest

For the most part, the week had gone by smoothly. Only minor behavioral issues with the kids at work and even fewer tantrums from their parents. Bucky hadn’t made an appearance at pick up but that was to be expected since he rarely had in the past. However, a part of her wanted him to. Sunny may have told Jessica that she wanted nothing to do with Mr. Sexy but after going through the texts between him and who he thought was her, a part of her wanted him to talk to her the way he had in those messages. His charm was undeniable, after all, he was known as the flirt of Brooklyn but knowing those messages were meant for her and she only stirred something in her even if she didn’t want to admit it. In the past she would’ve dropped everything for a man like him, giving into him the first time he’d asked her out for dinner but with time and horrible experiences, she’d built a resistance to that part of her. Still, it egged her on, leading her to indulge in short-lived daydreams of what could be. One thing stood in the back of her mind throughout the week though; how high had she been to convince herself that she’d seen a fang when Peter was talking or only feel cold when Bucky touched her? Yelena kept her distracted though from overthinking it all.

She thought it was hilarious that she had gotten the wrong message even if she didn’t know what her original message should have been. The conversations between the two girls were less flirty and more casual, like a friendship with hidden feelings was developing. The attraction was there for both of them but Sunny guessed that Yelena knew about her date with Bucky so Yelena had chosen to back off. Admirable, yes but only one of them could ultimately continue to date her and her rational side, begging the romantic to let it be Yelena, the drop-dead gorgeous woman who could make her laugh at the stupidest things. 

Jessica, sweet Jessica is no help either as she’s caught up with Peter once again, having gotten sucked into his hurricane of a personality. Having asked Sunny to keep an eye on her and make sure she didn’t fall back into his hands, she’d practically pleaded with her more sensible friend to go out for dinner to take her mind off of it. The rather fancy restaurant is not the place two women should be talking about the size of an ex’s dick but alas Jessica did so without a second care and a glass of merlot in her hand. 

“It’s definitely a grower but he acts like it’s 10 inches or some shit which wouldn’t even fit in reality,” the woman who passes by the table on her way to the bathroom makes a horrified gasp when she hears the crude words.

“It’s honestly so embarrassing, more for him than me because homeboy acts like a real fucking Chad.”

“Jess keep your voice down,” Sunny tells her, snickering from behind her own wine glass, “You’re going to get us kicked out.”

“They can all get fucked, I’m in pain and in need of some expensive sushi and wine to ease my agony.”

“Spoken like a true woman of class,” Sunny says, setting her glass back on the table, “But let’s be real here; are you going to let him back in or are you done with him for good now?”

Jessica shrugs slightly, the chandelier’s light bouncing off the chain strap of her top, “I want to but something keeps pulling me back in and no it’s not his dick. There’s a Peter that I can’t get to but I know he’s there, a version of him that’s not such a douchebag.”

“Are we sure that’s even possible or is this wishful thinking?” “I know, I know, I don’t have great taste in men and we both already know how terrible he can be but I’m telling you Sun, he can be such a sweet guy.”

Sunny half-heartedly hums partly because she’s overhearing about Peter and because the sushi she’s eating is just that good she forgot her train of thought. If hearing about him means more of this divine sushi, then she’s glad to sit and be the wall that Jessica tells all of her troubles. 

“Earth to Sunny,” Jessica waves her hand in front of her face, “Did you hear what I said?”

“Shit no, I’m sorry. I got distracted by my food, what did you say?”

She gives her a skeptical look before glancing over her shoulder, “Don’t make it obvious but look behind you. Is that who I think it is?”

“How the hell am I supposed to do that?” she asks as she’s getting ready to turn around but Jessica stops her with a hand on hers.

“Never mind, I think they’re going to walk past us, and don’t freak out, I’m serious.”

“What? Why would I…” the words die on her tongue when that damned cologne and honeyed voice waltz past their table with a woman wrapped around his form. The woman, who’s wearing a very low-cut dress, makes a show out of gently hitting Bucky’s chest as she laughs obnoxiously at something he no doubt whispered in his ear. He’s, of course, wearing that dazzling smile anyone would want to see every time they go to sleep and wake up. Whether or not he sees either woman is a mystery because he makes no attempt to say hi or even stop as he leads his date past their table. While they’re seemingly having a grand time, Sunny’s heart drops at the scene before her as her eyes dart to a very pissed-off Jessica. Something about the whole scene feels with her unease but she brushes it off as anger and maybe jealousy. 

“Please tell me I’m going blind because I didn't just see that,” she scoffs, still holding tightly onto her friend’s hand, “At least have some decorum if you’re going to parade around with gold diggers, Jesus Christ. Oh my god, Sun I’m so sorry.”

“No no, it’s uh….” her words are dying again as she blinks rapidly trying to come back to reality, “It’s fine. We’re not together or anything, we haven’t even gone out yet so it’s not like… it’s not like we’re exclusive. He can… ya know.”

Jessica grips her hand tighter to draw her attention to her, “Say the word and I’ll fight a bitch.”

“It’s whatever, seriously,” she offers a sad smile, “Let’s just forget about it. Please.”

“Of course,” she removes her hand and goes back to eating while ranting about her boy problems. 

Meanwhile, the hole that Sunny feels doesn’t shrink no matter how much wine or sushi she consumes. No amount of Tinder profiles shoved into her face can erase the sight of Bucky flirting so openly with that woman. She tries to convince herself that she shouldn’t care because like she said herself, they are not together. He does not owe her exclusivity no matter how pretty his words are. They haven’t even gone on their date yet so again, she has no reason to feel the green rage of jealousy or the blue wave of insecurity that threatens to crash over her but she still does. The romantic in her is crying over broken Valentine’s Day hearts with her makeup smeared while the logic in her is rolling her eyes and setting fire to whatever feelings she has left for Bucky. 

She quietly excuses herself to go to the bathroom which unfortunately requires her to pass by the table he’s at with that woman and another person she can’t see. Against her better judgment, she looks. She looks at that table and makes the briefest of eye contact with the man she wants to burn the world for and because of. However, when she does catch his blue eyes, they are devoid of any emotion and she tells herself that it’s because he didn’t recognize her rather than the alternative as she fumbles to close and lock the bathroom door. Her hands tremble as she grips her phone with white knuckles, back to the cold metal door. It buzzes, startling her and she drops it with a gasp as her heart tries to pound out of her ribcage and into her throat. 

“U good?” - Jessica 

“Jesus, get ahold of yourself,” she whispers to herself. Bending down to pick up her phone, she contemplates her choices regarding their date; the romantic is screaming for her to just go out with him and forget all about it. Once again her logic kicks in and she’s typing before she even realizes it. 

“Can’t make it Friday. Sorry.”

Another truly aggravating laugh rings through Bucky’s ears when his phone vibrates in his pants pocket. Aside from the fact that he can’t stand to be around Lycan in general, this woman is the prime example of why he hates them. Steve flashes a very forced smile at whatever the woman said, trying his hardest to not ruin the deal that’s almost closed. The woman is completely oblivious, or at least pretends to not care about both men’s frustration with her, and continues to make jokes at the wait staff’s expense. Bucky pulls his phone out, giving Steve a silent signal to continue the conversation if this can even be considered one. Upon reading the fatal message, his jaw muscle feathers to not lose his cool even more. Years of practicing his self-control in other areas have led him to be able to starve off the allure of allowing the other side of him to make an appearance. Rather than damage the already fragile relationship, he doesn’t respond right away and instead messages Yelena. 

Yelena’s habit of getting on his nerves is growing out of hand however she’s irreplaceable and Steve might actually kill him if anything happened to her. She is, after all, the little sister to one of their close friends, and her sister made it very clear that if anything bad happened to her, there would be hell to pay. Even so, having her tail Sunny gave her that much more ammo when it came to teasing him, and adding in the fact that she, too, was interested in her made things even more frustrating but what’s a little friendly competition? 

The unbearable woman at the table seemed to think that any woman within a fifty-foot radius of the table is a threat to whatever sick daydream she has concocted where she has a chance with Bucky. The way she belittles the poor server and makes lewd comments about other people in the restaurant is enough to make both Steve and Bucky want to rip her throat out even if it might kill them. Regardless they still have a business deal to close even if their skin is crawling while doing so. 

Bucky slips his phone back into his pants and leans back in the booth, “Juliette, I need that name you promised.”

“Awe Baby, I thought we were having fun! Why’d you have to go and ruin it with business talk?” she says whilst trying to sneak her hand over his knee. 

Steve clears his throat loudly, disrupting whatever foul plan she had, “I believe we agreed that this meeting is strictly professional. Give us the name and we’ll see what we can offer in exchange.”

“Now that isn’t going to work for me,” she rolls her shoulders back, dramatically pushing out her chest, “I need reassurance that nothing is going to happen to me if I rat out my boss.”

“That depends on if we get the name we’re looking for. You’re a smart girl, you know how these things work.”

She rolls her eyes at his words before letting out a considerable sigh, “Her name is Alix, with an I, Wright. She’s the big boss out of California you’re looking for and if I were you two, I would give her what she wants. She’s the type of person you want working with you, not against you.”

“And what is it that she wants?” She snorts like the dog she is, “I’m not telling you that until you tell me what I get out of this.”

“A ticket out of the country.”

“Not good enough.” “Europe?”

“Only if this man here,” her hand finds Bucky’s knee again, “can come with me.”

“No. What does Alix want?” He can’t hide his contempt now as he pushes her hand off roughly. 

“Fine,” her eyes flash gold for a second, returning to their usual green in moments, “She’s looking for a Y/N L/N. Rumor has it she’s an ex and she wants her back but that’s all I know. There’s a photo floating around but I haven’t seen it.”

“Can you get it?” 

“I could but I’m not going to. I like being alive so I’m not going to risk it any more than I already have.”

“You should be more concerned about the people in this room. Get us the photo and you’ll get your plane ticket.”

“No no no. That’s not what we agreed on. You got your name and now I get my ticket. The photo wasn’t a part of the agreement,” she tries to reason with the mob bosses in front of her who are looking at her as if she’s a part of the menu.  

“Things change and we need the photo as well so get it to us and we can discuss your ticket,” Bucky says as he and Steve stand up, “Don’t call until you have it. My time is valuable so don’t waste it.”

With that, they exit the restaurant and leave the woman fuming at the table, disgusting pheromones from her anger rolling off of her. 

Bucky’s nose wrinkles at the smell that has no doubt clung to his clothes as he pulls out his phone the moment they settle into the car. Steve briefly glances over at him, “Want to tell me what happened back there?”

He doesn’t answer right away, too engrossed in whatever is on his phone. It takes Steve calling his name a few times as they pull away from the curb to get his attention. 

“What changed in the restaurant?” “It’s complicated.”

“I highly doubt that.”

A moment passes. 

Bucky’s phone vibrates again in his lap and yet another crestfallen look takes over his face. 

“I didn’t know she was going to be there. She saw us with Juliette and canceled our date tomorrow night.”

“And?”

“And Yelena just confirmed that she’s actually Y/N L/N.”

“Ah, I see. That does complicate things,” he says whilst checking his mirrors before merging into a new lane, “Look, we both know how dangerous Alix Wright can be but we’ll do what we can to protect Sunny, Y/N, or whatever she chooses to go by. As for your canceled date, I think you owe her some flowers and an explanation.”

“Yeah, Yelena already lectured me about it.”

“Are you going to?”

Upon not hearing a response, he glances over and sees that Bucky has his phone to his ear with an annoyed look. 

“Not answering your call?”

His answer; is a short groan when the voicemail answers again instead of the woman. Against his better judgment, the slight desperation kicks in as he remembers the almost kiss they had at Yelena’s party. The thought of having blown his one shot to get to know her controls him as he texts her. Even if she leaves him on read, it’s still something, anything to prove that she might give him a second chance. However, he isn’t so lucky as she continues to ignore his calls and leaves his texts on delivered. His only lifeline to her is Yelena and she has the perfect opportunity to sweep her off of her feet. Well, he does have another person but Jessica is very adamant in her dislike for him as is evident in her texts to him. 

“Jess being helpful?” Steve asks. 

“Not in the slightest,” he drops his phone down, “And the worst part is that I know where she lives but I can’t just send shit over without it giving off…”

“Stalker vibes,” Steve finishes his sentence for him, “You’d think after two centuries you’d get better at courting people.”

“Yeah well, shit does change over time so it’s not like I can just show up with flowers and not have her worry for her safety.”

“Have you thought about it how it’s all going to work? She’s human so eventually she’s going to notice something is up when you don’t eat or age.”

“That’s assuming she’ll give me the time of day after this,” his nose wrinkled in disgust again when the Lycan’s smell fills the air once more, “Jesus I’m going to have to burn this suit. She must have scented me.”

“You think? She was all over you,” Steve coughs out, rolling down the windows so they can finally stop inhaling the traitorous air. 

“Oh my god, he won’t leave you alone! He just keeps calling and texting and then calling again. It’s soooo annoying,” Jessica sighs as she tosses the phone off to the side and hugs Sunny closer to her side of the couch. 

She doesn’t say anything, only hiding her face a little more into Jessica’s side while half-watching whatever stupid movie was on. Negative thoughts and questions consume her as she second-guesses everything. Was he actually flirting with her? Did she misread the texts? Was he really trying to kiss her at the party? When he said she was beautiful, was that him or her imagination filling in the gaps? Why the fuck didn’t she remember feeling the heat of his body when he was holding her? Her friend’s nails tapping away at a phone screen brings her consciousness forward through the storm of emotions inside. 

“What are you saying?” “Oh, ya know ‘fuck off, leave her alone,’ that kind of stuff.”

“What is HE saying?” “The usual bullshit about how you need to talk and he needs to explain but take it from me, it’s all a bunch of lies to just gaslight you into forgiving and forgetting. Don’t fall for it, Sun, no matter how good his dick is.”

Scoffing she pulls away from Jessica and curls up into the corner of the couch, hugging her arms and a blanket around her. Her phone appears in her peripheral but she just shakes her head, “I don’t want it.” 

“Can I keep messing with him then?” “No just leave it. We still have to see him and I don’t want it to be too awkward.”

“That ship sailed when he decided to be a player…”

Sunny cut her off, “Please, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

She may not be able to see the intense roll eye of Jessica’s but she can certainly feel it when the tension starts to bubble under their skin, threatening to be released at any moment. Sure they are good friends and they had been for almost as long as Sunny had been in New York but Jessica didn’t know the first thing about her old life or who she really was, the world she came from. Being around so many painfully naïve humans did drain her from time to time but it was refreshing given the alternative. The thought of even being in the presence of a Lycan again made her stomach churn and her skin crawl. The unsettling feeling she felt at the restaurant suddenly makes sense; that woman had been a Lycan and dread fills her body at the idea that Lycan was in New York still AND Bucky seemed to be a little too friendly with one. Something spurs her to start questioning Jessica without any forethought, “Jess does Peter have sharp teeth?”

“Girl, what the fuck kind of question is that?”

She pushes herself out of the corner just enough to look at her friend squarely, “Are Peter’s canines sharp?”

“Umm,” Jessica’s voice is full of confusion as she shifts in her spot, “Yeah but aren’t everyone's?”

“But were they sharper than they should be?”

“I don’t know. Why are you asking me?”

“Never mind, forget about it,” with defeat, she drops back into her corner albeit Jessica is still confused about her abrupt and strange line of questions. 

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just ask me that and order us some ice cream. The usual?”

[wannaeatramyeon]

i just saw that you are biased towards vasco tabasco as well 👀👀👀👀 i beg for anything, i have read all the fics on this app twice and im getting withdrawals from my bit tit himbo 😭

Tell me who isn't biased towards our baby Tabasco and I'll fight them!!

Ty for the ask! I just love Vasco so much. He's THE ride or die and has always treated little Daniel so kindly from the start.

He doesn't always get it right but he tries and he learns and his heart is in the right place 😭😭

I feel like there's just SO much I want to read and know about Vasco. HC, x reader, drabbles, novels. But here you go anon, take some wordvom instead

Vasco Headcannons

The Burn Knuckles said they started the gang just cos they like him. Vasco was probably just shouting about protecting people and being all pure then attracting all these macho dudes that were going down the wrong path. He has a sense of justice that is just... Irrefutable. The kind that kids have before they grow up and get cynical and corrupted and he reminds them of a simpler time.

Also he's strong af so if you don't want to die, you come around to his view pretty quickly.

Damon Goh the rubber ducky guy hid away his ducks until Vasco saw them one day and was like 'omg!! These are so cute!!' with his typical heart eyes and asked for one. Since then, Damon just unapologetically carries them around.

No idea Leonn Lee is a girl. Doesnt care if she is, Burn Knuckles membership is open to all.

Doesn't know there's a tool council, thought it was something for architect class. Never made the connection with the Tool nicknames either.

Unapologetic crier. You've seen his tears. Encourages Burn Knuckles to show their emotions. They hold therapy sessions like a confessional but apart from Jace - Vasco and the rest of the gang share 1 braincell so no good can come from this.

Makes friends everywhere he goes. We've seen Vasco make his own crew out of the Homeless, and that's just how he is. He's made friends with BEARS like cmon.

Not that great with names or faces though, and he's just a general clown so he doesn't actually remember a lot of people.

Has a rather childlike and innocent view of the world with justice and lookism. It used to be pretty black and white but he learns and is understanding of the shades of grey pretty quickly. Let's be real, if Vasco was leader of the world - we would all be a lot better off.

Toxic masculinity who? Gender roles what? Zero interest in subscribing to men can't do this or women shouldn't do that. Will be the best provider or househusband ever, whatever makes his partner happy!

Daniel or Jay busy or out of town? If Vasco is available, he will be looking after Enu or Jays puppies. This is absolutely non negotiable. He always gets first dibs.

Seen and heard enough about Vin Jin to think there's no redeeming features with this guy. Although Vasco might be the only person that thinks his rap is pretty good lol

Very little sense of self awareness and decorum around girls. Not really sure where he's going wrong until Jay spruced him up and his post-date download with Jace.

Says he's married to the Burn Knuckles and he's talked less about finding a partner since then. In all honesty he finds the dressing up and the flowery words exhausting. He just wants to find someone that loves him for him, BNC uniform and all :(

And this is the perfect segue into...

Vasco x Reader headcannons

Vasco is the ultimate friends to lover trope. He needs to get to know you first and your personality before he can begin to develops feelings for you. Your morals aligning with his is a must.

Doesn't think too hard on confessing if he likes you. He's a straight forward guy. Main obstacle is Jace giving him terrible advice based on trashy romcoms.

Only Jace (occasionally) or family call him Euntae. Will be so flustered if you do.

He is 100% innocent your honour!!! You likely need to take the initiative in the relationship. He's a romantic at heart but doesn't know how to express himself and is worried about being too foward. First hand hold? First embrace? First kiss? Gonna be all you.

Gets more relaxed the longer you date. Once he's more confident of your comfort levels and knowing that he can be himself around you, will initiate a lot more.

Not a huge fan of PDA but loves holding hands and holding you. It just feels right with you in his arms.

Vasco would naturally be the big spoon, but omg if you were the big spoon? He has never felt so protected and loved and will absolutely melt.

Huge fan of couples outfits. Not the cool ones, the cheesier the better. "If found return to Y/N" "I'm Y/N". And tbh Zack is sick with jealousy that him and Mira don't do that.

Still has an old fashioned sense of chivalry where he wouldn't want you to fight even if you could. After seeing you fight a few times though, he reluctantly let's you get on with things. Will try to step in where possible, but more that he doesn't want to see you get hurt.

Loves the novelty of classic dates at first, especially after seeing and reading about it all so much. Fancy 3 course meals, grabbing a coffee together.

After a while though, would prefer to just have more meaningful dates and take you to his favourite places. Even if it's that Fish Soup place lol, but you don't mind cos you can see how happy he is and being with Vasco is enough.

Expect good morning texts, good night video calls and everything in between! This man isn't afraid of the double or triple text. There's a lot of "I can't wait to see you!" and "I miss you!!" and just random ones like "I tried to buy milk but forgot my wallet lol"

As long as it's not against his morals, he will do A N Y T H I N G for you. Tired? Foot massage. Craving at 3am? Let me run right out. Prefer him clean shaven? Hold on I'll get the razor. He loves you so so much and it shows!

[autistook]

Okay so, I’m on anon because we’ve had 0 interaction previously and while I love your blog and do really want to get to know you better, I feel like you just need support rn.

Im going to share a little bit about my journey to see if it sounds a bit familiar to you (even if it doesn’t, that’s alright too!!). A bit about me: I’m a lesbian who that she was bi for ~8 years when I was young(er) and still figuring it out, because I knew I liked women but never seriously considered whether I actually liked men and just took it as a default that I did. I also sort of mentally tried to train myself into liking men via celebrity crushes etc. (something I know few of my gay guy friends also did in fear of not being bi), but obviously it didn’t work. I never actually slept with a man, but that’s more because whenever an opportunity would present itself I’d come up with a million excuses not to and less because I didn’t seriously consider it and I did feel like I wanted to. A lot of my thinking came down to me not being repulsed by the idea of having sex with a dick and instead actively fantasising about it. I thought that meant that I was *cured* as it were, and therefore couldn’t be a lesbian. When I got over that mental hurdle, I sort of realised that yeah, sex with a dick would be hot, but sex with a dick that’s a strap CONNECTED TO A WOMAN? 1000x hotter. And yeah, like you, I never really felt the same level of romantic attachment to the men in my life.

One thing I do want to say is that obviously for LGBT+ people it’s very common to view us getting to know ourselves better as a crisis, and it definitely feels like that. When I thought I was bi I didn’t really come out or anything and tried to keep my romantic life very seperate (partly because I did deep down think the label was off for me, but also yknow, that deep deep shame of internalised homophobia). BUT, it didn’t feel like a crisis in the same way realising I was a lesbian did. I think comphet really does mess with you mentally and it was pretty hard for me to come to terms with the fact that not only did I like women, but I didn’t like men. Once I did, I felt happier than I ever had in my life and I’m out and proud!! I think it might be worth thinking about why we articulate these things as a crisis to begin with and question what are the barriers in your own head preventing you from fairly considering the possibility you’re a lesbian.

On liking non-binary people, I sometimes feel guilty for finding nb people attractive when I’m a self-professed lesbian and they do not identify as a woman. But it’s not because I see them as women? It doesn’t stop me from calling myself a lesbian, however. Sexuality is complex and nuanced, but being attracted to an nb person now and then doesn’t take away from the fact that I’m a lesbian.

I hope this helps!!! Sometimes there isn’t a simple answer to these things and there doesn’t need to be. Labels are helpful, but not when they box you in or prevent you from finding yourself. I think the first step is to really think long and hard (lol) about why this is a crisis for you and what will change if you are lesbian.

Either way, remember to love yourself first and foremost and know there will always be sapphic sisters out here cheering you on 🌈❤️🏳️‍🌈

this helped a lot and made me shed a few tears. ♡

definitely a big part of me has always gone for men in relationships because it's "the norm" and makes stuff "easier".

I've always preferred women. that I do know.

I remember when me and some other girls from my class had a movie night and we talked about sex, and I said something like "I always get the ick when I think about penis and men" because I thought it was how everyone thought about it. everyone looked at me weird and turns out, I was the only one in our group who thought that lol

[youremyheaven]

I don’t think all venusians are bad but I also had a share of bad experiences with them. I don’t know if I should drag the women or the men first. I’d talk about the women first because they’re in my family and it’s a more neutral point of view than hate or a one time experience. My purva ashada stellium grandmother used to starve her children too and is extremely cheap. Tbh I don’t think she has a bad relationship with her daughters. She seems to get along with them pretty well. However my mom who’s purva phalguni moon has similar behavior as the previous ano. She’s very jealous and envious of other women constantly comparing herself to other women and she needs to be the “best looking” among others. Otherwise she lose her mind. She’s very image conscious and she’s a complete different person with strangers or my friends. She wants to be seen as the cool mom. She also assumes every single man she interacts with has some sort of romantic interest in her. She also says phrases like “you’ll never be as attractive as used to be” like even if It was true and I was a walking troll she shouldn’t be saying this to her daughter ? I also find it weird how every single Venusian woman I talk to is extremely fake ? Like they’re obsessed with status and want to be seen as higher or richer than what they actually are. They love to see people beneath them. They strive to be the best in that way. They’re very superficial and they would definitely befriend someone or be around someone for the aesthetic or for what they could get from them. They would take shamelessly from people without giving back and when you called them out they be like “I didn’t ask you to” when they truly did pressure you into it. I think for men, most Venusian men I met, they would be very polite, kind helpful and try to please me as much as possible. Like they would get interested in my hobbies and try to get close to me with some hidden intention or purpose to it. When I don’t get fooled by their act, it’s almost as their mask drops and I see another version of them that is much cruel and mean ? It’s like they want to “punish” you. They would paint themselves as the victim because you didn’t give them what they wanted or desired from you. Whatever that is. They would tarnish your reputation or come for you in settings. Now, I don’t think I had many Venusian friends (only 2 ) that are woman but they both would lie and act as if they’re “rich” even if they’re not and I already know they’re not and I don’t even care because I never bring such things up.

💀💀💀u have described so many people i know, its crazyyy,, one girl i went to college with who had Saturn in Bharani atmakaraka was just like u described. she was upper middle class at best but she wanted to be seen as rich so bad?? she'd insert random details to make herself sound 🤑🤑she spoke about how much she spent on clothes even tho she always wore the same stuff on repetition?? (im not being a hater, her comments always just made no sense??) she'd talk about how her family only fed their dog specially bought meat and it was just ??? i hated the way she spoke about money and same goes for another Venusian girlie i know, she wont shut up about money and always exaggerates for good effect?? its so cringe to me ngl. theyre also the type of people who want to put others down to feel better about themselves. I think Venusians in general don't like it when someone tries to imply that they're on the same "level" so they always put others down to establish superiority. every Venusian woman I know is arrogant and conceited in some ways. one time the atmakaraka chick told me that her dad bought her a new car and i was like ok good for you? and she always spoke about how its her car when it was actually just a new car for the fam after they disposed off the old one?? lol?

one time my friends and i were eating out and a really cute kid (5-6 yr old girl) and her mom came in, all my friends said that the kid resembled me quite a bit and the Bharani ak girl said "yeah she's chubby like you" 🤡🤡🤡first of all the kid wasn't "chubby" by a long shot, and even if she was who tf says that about a 5yr old??? she just wanted to establish dominance? and did not like the fact that others thought we resembled each other lmao?? what a complete asshole, imagine insulting a literal child and your friend?? Venusian women do not like it when other women seem to have the upper hand in any way. They are not girls girls, i have said this before and i'll say it again Venusians are the OG "im not like other girls" girl.

im so sorry you went through all that anon. i wish you healing and peace<3

[gay-otlc]

Something something sexual attraction has been demonized especially towards women

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You're so right and it's so disgusting. Although it especially affects queer people, it isn't even solely a queer issue. Radfems will decide cishet men are all predators and perverts and any man having sex with a woman is rape, actually, so women just can't have sex with men.

And then it gets so much worse for queer folks. When I was in middle school, there was this lesbian in my PE class and I overheard some girls talking about how they felt uncomfortable changing in front of her because she was a lesbian. So then that gave me a nice healthy sense of guilt about locker rooms that I carried with me to date. When I went to camp, I was worried about coming out to my friends because we all changed around each other and I thought they'd think I was staring at them. Like, "lesbians shouldn't be allowed in locker rooms because they'll assault the poor straight girls" is a Thing. I didn't feel comfortable being open about feeling sexual attraction until maybe six months ago. (I said lesbians throughout the paragraph but I want to clarify that it does apply to all sapphics)

And then also for aroallos! Cause sexual attraction is dirty or impure or whatever, and it needs nice wholesome romantic attraction to "redeem" it. And if you don't have nice wholesome romantic attraction? You're just a freak, I guess, lmao good luck.

Trans people also get shit when sexually attracted to women. Like, I've heard comments about how it's okay for queer women to admire boobs but men can't do it. So now that I'm a straight transmasc, it's creepy for me to be sexually attracted to women! Yay! And then transfem lesbians get so much shit and TERFs treat them like they're trying to rape the poor innocent "real lesbians" and it's so awful.

Just. It's all so frustrating. So-called progressives stop demonizing sex challenge (impossible)

[eds6ngel]

Hello dear! I have an idea about Robin, how she found out that the reader is bisexual! 💖💜💙

hi, my love! of course i can do this! as a bisexual woman myself, some of the description of this story hit home, so i hope you find comfort in it too <3

warnings: fem!reader. swearing. mentions of homophobia. mentions of religion. lesbophobic & homophobic language. coming out. hurt. comfort. fluff. kissing. childhood best friends to lovers [1.5k].

Falling in love wasn’t easy. It wasn’t the magical fairytale it was made out to be. But, not in the way that everyone else found. Most people had their normal fears: rejection, break-ups, cheating. But you? You had the added fear of being in a relationship with a woman in small town Indiana.

You heard the names, the stereotypes, the classic “You need Jesus,” Hawkins was one of the worst places to be gay.

At least in the big cities like New York, you could find small-knit communities, bars, hangout spots for fellow gay people, but Hawkins? You were left in the dark. Well, except for one person.

You had been best friends with Robin Buckley since childhood. The two of you met in English class in 2nd grade, forced to sit next to each other by the teacher’s annoyingly arranged seating plan. However, you soon became friends after realising how many interests you had in common.

And to this day, the last year of school, you were still as close as your seven year old selves.

Robin was an undeniably beautiful girl, one of the prettiest girls in Hawkins. You just thought that for many years, that was a test of close friendship. She had a stunning personality, gorgeous aura and was the kindest person you’d ever met, of course it was normal to also find her face beautiful, right?

But, apparently not. As you rambled about Robin to your other friends, they used to make jokes about how you were “acting like a lesbo,” or “becoming a queer.” And, although those terrible words that were not used nicely, perhaps they were right.

But, you knew you liked men too. Some of the guys at Hawkins High were gorgeous, you had dated a few of them for that matter, and although they all ended in break-ups, their gender never played a factor in that.

However, one day you were fortunate enough to stumble across the word “bisexuality” in one of the feminist books buried at the back of Hawkins Library.

“Romantic or sexual attraction to both males and females.”

It felt… right. Accurate. It felt like you.

From there on, your exploration went deeper. You didn’t want to just be friendly with Robin, you want to be romantic with her. Hold her, kiss her, love her. That’s what you wanted to do.

And fortunately, Robin had already told you her biggest secret, she exclusively liked women.

The reason Robin felt safe enough to tell you that she was a lesbian was because of a certain day spent at her house. Her mother had on one of the religious channels, the preacher rambling on about how being gay was a sin, and how all gay people are going to Hell. And you simply replied, “What a bunch of bullshit. It’s just two men or women in love, why is that such a big deal to them?”

And less than a week later, she had come out to you. Those two simple sentences stripped away any worries she ever had about her sexuality.

So, it was an automatic given that Robin would accept your sexuality, those worries were off the table. But, just because she’s into women, doesn’t mean she’s into you.

And that’s where you can connect with the general population. That fear of rejection. What if she didn’t see you that way? The soft touches, the closeness, the longing gazes, what if they were all platonic?

But, it was worth a shot, right?

Your picnic was long abandoned, paper plates of food sprawled across the checkered pink blanket as you and Robin lay flat on each end.

You were simply basking in the hot, breezy summer air, eyes closed as you breathed steadily. You talked when you wanted about whatever. There would be long moments of silence before ten minutes of talking about the latest delivery at Family Video.

But now, the conversation had taken a more serious turn.

“Did you see what was on the front page of the Hawkins Post the other day?” Robin asks.

“I don’t think so, I only read them if I pass by the local corner store,” you reply.

Robin sighs, a sense of sadness laced in her tone, “There was this candid shot of these two guys kissing. It was definitely taken from in the bushes or something, it was out in the woods. But—“ she takes a breath, “The headline said: ‘The Queers are plaguing Hawkins.’”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” you let out, your mouth becoming dry at the thought of the potentially life-threatening headline. “Please tell me they haven’t found out who it was.”

“Not that I know of,” Robin replies, “But, this is Hawkins. It’s only a matter of time, you know?”

You nod, knowing that she was right. This was a scary place to be different in any shape or form. Anything that went against God was deemed “Satanic.” But, even so, would God approve of their actions? At their hurtful words, their harmful behaviours?

“How do you cope with it?” you ask Robin, “Knowing that you’re a lesbian in a town that despises your pure existence?”

Robin sighs, “You just have to hide it. You know, Steve knows, and that’s it. Whoever you crush on, you just have to look for signs. Signs that they are into women. Which is almost never, but, you just try your best.” She takes a breath before continuing, “And then you have to basically build a friendship, build that trust so you know that if you do admit your crush to them and they are actually straight, they won’t spread your secret around.”

Her answer provided everything you needed to know, and all the pre-cautions she listed you didn’t have to worry about, because she was accepting, she was into women. You just had to pray that she reciprocates.

“Um… Robin?” you let out, her letting out a small hum as you ask, “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course. You’re my best friend, you can tell me anything.”

You sigh, sitting up from your laying down position, “Recently, I’ve been thinking about relationships, about who I like. As you know, most of my relationships haven’t ended well,” you chuckle softly, “But, maybe it’s because I haven’t… explored enough.”

Robin looks at you with confusion, following you in sitting up herself, knees tucked up to her chest. You exhale, “I found this book at Hawkins Library. It talked about sexuality, about different definitions and things, and… I found one, and I think it might define me.”

You can sense Robin’s face soften as you explain yourself, you know she knows what you are getting at. “Do you know what bisexuality is?”

Robin smiles, “Men and women, yeah, I know what it is.”

“Yeah, well… I think that’s what I am.”

Robin grins at you, her facial expression soft as she replies, “I’m so happy for you!” she beams, “I’m glad you’ve found yourself. That’s hard to realise living here, so I’m proud of you.”

You turn your gaze away from her, “There’s something else I want to say… I didn’t go searching for answers for no reason,” you start.

Robin’s face contorts back to that same confusion that she started with, “I was telling my friends about you, and they accused me of being… queer,” you frown at the word, “And I thought about it… and maybe they were right.”

“Are you saying you realised because of me?”

You nod, “Yeah, Robs,” you take a breath, “I like you. I like you a lot. And I know it’s probably wrong for me to assume that you like me back just because you like girls, like obviously you don’t like every woman and that’s actually really fucking offensive the more I think about it—“

But, you are cut off by a pair of lips on your own, the feeling of that soft, delicate skin of hers brushing your cheek that you love oh so much.

Robin quickly pulls back, beginning to ramble herself, “Sorry! I didn’t mean to cut you off, and definitely not in that way. I should’ve asked you permission first, like why didn’t I even think of that—“

However, you proceed to copy what she did to you, leaning forward and delicately taking her top lip in between yours, pushing her hair out of her face softly with your hand. As you part, you giggle as you stare up at her, a few inches between your faces, “You’re cute when you ramble, you know that?”

You can see Robin’s cheeks heat up at the compliment, her gaze avoiding yours as you lift her chin up towards you, “And when you blush.”

She smiles gently as she whispers out, “I like you too.”

You chuckle, “I’m glad to hear that,” before capturing your lips between hers once more. The pair of you cupping each other’s cheeks as you fall back against the picnic blanket, giggling like a pair of school children.

Maybe this is what life was worth living for. Falling in love with your best friend whilst kissing to your hearts content in the middle of a field of wheat. It may not be perfect for everyone, but it sure was for you.

thank you for the request! i really hope it was what you wanted <3

[alaynestcnes]

Can you believe the nonsense logic of @rya stans and jonsa antis?? It’s like they choose to be dense. (And just to preface I adore @rya but her northern rose maiden stans piss me off.) they’re now saying that @rya is actually a maiden too (even though she’s not hit puberty yet ??? She’s still a child by Westeros standards). They’re stuck on proving @rya is the princess in the tower romantic figure of the series anything to twist the narrative for their ship … they’re also suddenly obsessed with @rya being Persephone ajsjdjd but they throw a fit if anyone makes sansa / lyanna comparisons 😭

They make fun of us for coming to the conclusion that Jon subconsciously desires a lady, that sansa building Winterfell means *nothing,* that sansa is called radiant by multiple people (even though Jon is the only who thinks this about her) that sansa doesn’t have anything to do with naerys and most recently ….sansa isn’t beautiful people just tell her that because of her class 🫠🫠🫠

I can’t believe we’re in a fandom with such stupid people I understand everyone comes to different interpretations based on how they perceive something but they’re ignoring canon at this point and then have the gall to say WE are the ones who twist canon???

I’m glad I haven’t run across too much of that discourse (thank you, my beloved block button) but I will say it is very funny to see how some people anticipate that the final instalments of grrms epic subversive fantasy series will include a ‘she’s all that’ style makeover montage. especially for a 9 year old. during a war.

It’s v weird how some people will stan a character, but literally only want to discuss that character in relation or comparison to another character that they supposedly don’t care for. Instead of just talking about the character they like, they spend their time coming up with ‘what-ifs’ and altering their traits so that they can win an imaginary rivalry. Like it’s never just that ary@ is beautiful, it’s always that she’s more beautiful than sansa. It’s always that ary@ is the True Northern Rose, unlike that other northern girl that actually isn’t even that special or important. Do they not find ary@ interesting enough as she is? I could think of a hundred things to discuss before I got to ‘is she more pretty than her sister tho?’

And anyway, why is there even the need to pit them against each other? I hate to say the infamous sansa stan catchphrase but, whatever - it’s internalised misogyny. We never see arguments about how jon is actually so much more attractive than robb ever was, because jon is a True Northen Rose, while robb was just a fake southron pretender. Somehow, everyone is able to accept that both robb and jon are two attractive people who can coexist and their attractiveness isn’t really that important to their story, anyway. Strange how it’s only the two sisters that get lumbered with this reductive discourse.

Like, yes, ary@ does have an interesting relationship with societal expectations of femininity and her own experience, desires and interests as a young girl. But let’s think critically and ask ourselves, are these themes present because grrm is trying to make the profound observation that all women (even 9 year old child soldiers) are in a constant beauty competition against every other woman that determines their value and also becoming beautiful is actually one of the highest achievements a girl can reach? OR is he trying to say something about how women are more than objects that possess beauty, they are complex people that should be valued beyond their compliance with narrow societal expectations?

In terms of jonsa, yeah, I find the ‘jon will neverrrr like a girly girl’ argument very silly. Like, oh ok, you think jon is so shallow that his one determining factor for attraction is if the girl is traditionally feminine? Give the guy some credit, damn. It’s not like jon confronting his own surface-level, problematic views of people has been a theme throughout his story or anything (cough sam cough the freefolk cough). Seems like meeting a very traditionally feminine woman and coming to understand and value her strength, beyond physical strength or wielding a sword, would align very well with the important relationships we’ve seen him form so far.

However, what I do think would probably would be a major turn off for jon would be getting with a literal child, no matter how much of a beautiful perfect northern rose she is. They can make up as many twisted metas or foreshadowing for jonry@ as they want, it’s not going to remove the issue of age (which is my main ick for that ship).

Anyway, I could ramble on forever about the misogyny in this fandom but it won’t change the fact that there’s always going to be people with two braincells spewing their dripple to anyone who will listen. We just have to laugh and scroll on and thank god that grrm has better sense.

[tumblasha]

why was i like that (tl;dr in tags)

today i clicked on sgc's ig profile and saw that they use they/them pronouns now. and it makes me want to cry.

bc even tho we Literally went to high school together-ish (they were 3yrs after me?) we had such different experiences.

i was a Girl who hung out with guys who didn't respect me, went out with a boyfriend who was nice to me, and was too shy / awkward / busy being that shy nerd stereotype [1] that i had no "deep friendship". you could ask anyone anything about me and they wouldn't know the answer! and i wouldn't know anything about them!! [2] bc we were a small class (169) and everyone in town was a mix of neighbor and cousin, i got my invites to parties and dances, but i overall felt like i was on autopilot. i don't remember my life until i was ~16 [3]!! why!!!

i think a lot about how dr uju anya had a whole husband and child but over time realized she was a lesbian. not to parasocialize too much with this academic weapon, but i feel like i also had this experience (to a much smaller / younger degree). and i feel so sad thinking about how i could've saved so much pain in high school if i had just known i wasn't wired to like guys like that [4].

and i remember lindie [5], someone who's ~30 now and has been with her now-husband since she was ~13. one day we had a good phone call (post-hs-graduation) and she told me that for literally everyone else she could possibly see romantically / sexually, she's a lesbian. but she and her husband have literally Grown Up together. her love for him is something that goes beyond platonic / romantic / sexual attraction. it's a life partnership in every sense of the term.

this phone conversation lit a lightbulb in my summer 2019 brain. i knew that this high school bf of mine could be a life partner. we started dating when i was 11 or 12 and !!! we both saw each other grow up (at least to some degree). but something in the pit of my stomach told me i couldn't live a lie like that. it wouldn't be fair to him for me to have this self-discovery and just .. continue as if it didn't happen?

and so when someone said that dr. uju's pre-lesbian marriage was "sad" bc she didn't know she was a lesbian, i got (in my head) defensive. bc "it's totally possible to be happy and ignore this part of yourself!" (it's not).

for the longest time i told myself that being bisexual was the easiest sexuality to have bc i knew i liked women and i could always just end up with a guy to make my family happy, if i had to, ya know? i got mentally defensive when ppl online said that "invisibility is not a privilege" and "biphobia is real" bc i was subconsciously using this label as a way to hide the fact that the mere thought of a life with a man made me anxious / nauseous / scared.

and boy did that fear kick into overdrive anytime i was around a guy. if he even smiled at me, i'd go a little silly. it didn't even matter if he was straight, bi, ace, gay, or anything, i'd just latch onto the fact that it was a Man talking to me and i couldn't stop thinking about them and any comment they made that made them seem bored / annoyed at me made me spiral about my self-worth. but if there was ever a case that i Thought they even Maybe had an interest in me, i'd get nauseous again. to this day i feel like i still put guys up on a pedestal so i just have ... no guy friends [6].

this novel is a silly way of saying the following things.

the label "lesbian" is a vibe rn

heartstopper is a painful show for me to watch

sorry if ur a guy i met before i turned 20 that i was weird around : ( /nbh

sgc looks so happy. they're out and they look so happy. why couldn't that be me.

why was i like that.

---

[1] i had a goofy jock bf tho so was it really so bad?

[2] and to a certain degree this continues today? i don't know how to hold a conversation, i don't know how to ask questions, i don't have good memory of the conversations i Do manage to hold, my #1 fear is playing the newlyweds game with literally anybody. i once described making friends as 'learning a person's scripts / common conversation topics' and the other person in the room just kinda said 'haha yeah...' and i continued to pset :skull:

[3] and 16-17 was my sad era where i cried basically any time my bf and i were alone together. that man was so patient w me lmao

[4] why do i always say no? why can't i just calm down? why is it weird to describe us as 'friends but we also make out'?

[5] one of the coolest ppl i know. (death + suicide mentioned in this footnote) she was the french teacher that replaced my old french teacher after she died, and lindie really suffered for us. bc it was a catholic school, she was forced to cover up her tattoos, and she had to wear longer clothes (admin always told her to cover up even when she was wearing Long Clothes). she went through so much (miscarriage, lost here sense of self, etc.) and was literally suicidal but she still showed up for us. one of my fav teachers and an inspiration to this day.

[6] except for the two dudes (that might be) reading this, y'all are cool and literally the best. afaik i've been Normal around y'all so yay! growth!!

[tearsofperseides]

Hi, haven't posted in a hot second, but my drafts are full of unfinished essays im writing so I got that goin' ejhdskhdak

Anyway, Ronance in different universes!!

The most obvious one, let's get it out of the way. Lumity! I mean come on! The "little miss perfect" character and an "obviously neurodivergent outcast sweetheart with a heart of gold" character??? They both start out not liking each other, specifically on the Nancy/Amity side, but then Robin/Luz wins them over by being their themself. Also the fact I've noticed their respective styles are very similar, the way they react to things is very similar. Barb is Willow and Hunter is Steve.

Daphne and Velma! Admittedly I don't have as much of a strong point on these as I have with Lumity, mainly because I haven't consumed that much Scoody Doo content in the recent years (I really wanna get into it, but I don't have the time). Idk, again, as I said, not much of a strong argument here, my friend and I were talking about a Scooby Doo AU and Daphne fits Nancy and Velma fits Robin within that context bsdjahi.

Caitvi/Piltover's finest! LET ME TELL YOU BECAUSE I AM OBSESSED WITH THIS! Vi is definetly more season 3 Robin than season 4, BUT THAT MAKES IT EVEN BETTER! S3 Ronance is so fun and it has a special place in my heart (specifically because I did start shipping Ronance in s3). For Nancy and Caitlyn it's somewhat obvious? Both upper class women who are viewed by both their parents and society as pretty, uptight, not having any experience with the real world, prisses, but are in fact much more than that and both of them know how to shoot guns. I am also attracted to both of them ahdskjn. Vi and Robin are both snarky and sarcastic little shits (affectionate). Also coming back to the whole didn't like each other in the beginning thing.

The Mothership! I mean... this one's pretty obvious

Simmosa, I miss them so much. The point that applies to all of these is that "the Nancy one" didn't like "the Robin one". Same goes with this ship, Amy did not like Jonah and his ramblings in the beginning, but then later on fell in love with him for it aksdhjsa Jonah rambles, like a lot, he might give Robin a run for her money with how much he actually rambles, he also gets really flustered around Amy and they are just overall always together, no matter if Amy doesn't like him or not and same goes with Nancy and Robin.

Yulivia, as my friend said "just a tall, loud impulsive girl and the girl who makes sure she doesn't get them killed" which... accurate. Also Lady Olivia with a gun, pew pew!

and the last one, my favorite

Emisue!!!!! Now listen, is this projection? Maybe, maybe it is, maybe it isn't, we shall never know. BUT THEY ARE SO THEM!!! The potential is astronomical!! Ok let's start with the obvious basics, Emily and Robin are "the talkers", while Sue and Nancy are "the listeners". Emily's brother Austin is in love with Sue, they are together. Emily feels guilty that she is in love with his brother's wife, but her feelings for Sue are stronger, however she feels an insane amount of guilt and we see that throughout the show, all of this just reminds me of Steve, Robin and Nancy (that being said, why isn't anyone doing anything about that?? Write a fic like that asap and send it to me/hj). Sue/Nancy has tried to push Emily/Robin away, but they just couldn't, because they always in some way found their way back to each other (putting that in quotes for Ronance because they are not canonically together). Suppression of emotions, not just romantic, but any, is both a very prominent trait in both Sue and Nancy. And I could go on and on about how both Sue and Nancy's trauma is overlooked and she's seen as a bitch by many, while Emily and Robin get away with a lot more, but I digress.

That was it! I'm sure there's more, these are just my favourites!

[professionalscribbler]

I identify as aroace because the closest thing I have ever felt to what could be called a crush was in third grade. A boy in Sunday School kicking my leg under the table and I thought that meant he liked me. I wrote about it in my diary, only to come back the next day to find that my mom wrote an entry in my diary saying how I was too young to have a boyfriend and that God would find me a husband in his own time. Note how my crush wasn't based on his looks or his personality, like normal people.

I identify as aroace because I used to enjoy reading and watching romance movies until I started high school and started seeing real relationships. How friendships were tossed aside for romantic partners. How whole friend groups were destoryed because of who was dating who or who was whose ex. How those who had romantic relationships would spend every second with just their significant other, to the detriment of their grades. I was confused by how casually boys in my school could talk about women and wanting to date, and likewise with girls talking about their crushes. I didn't understand how I was the only one who seemed to treat school as what it actually was: a place to learn and prepare for my future.

I identify as aroace because in high school I had no friends because I was seen as the weird homeschool kid who had no social skills. And I thought to myself "If no one wants to be friends with me, why would anyone want to date me?"

I identify as aroace because my sophomore year of high school a bunch of boys made a bet in which the loser had to ask me out to the homecoming dance. It was a punishment to be seen with me at a dance. It shattered my self esteem, as well as my trust in boys who showed romantic interest in me. I then vowed to finish high school with no man by my side, and I suceeded. I dated my textbooks, and got a higher GPA than all those boys combined.

I identify as aroace because when I hit college I wrote in my planner as one of my goals "no dating until sophomore year." I worked too hard to get the scholarships I did to throw them away for a stupid boy whose only reason for dating me was to probably get in my pants.

I identify as aroace because my freshman year roommate got a boyfriend within the first month of classes, and I never trusted him. I became very protective of my roommate, because I didn't want her to get hurt by a guy she was letting herself be vulnerable with. I was confused how she could let someone so new to her life become so close to her, closer than her roomate that she was already good friends with. They broke up six months later. She got lucky because it was mutual, but they still can't really interact with each other.

I identify as aroace because my five close friends freshman year would all talk about the hot guys in the theatre department and choir, and all I could contribute was "He has a face, I guess." I couldn't answer when I was asked if I found any guys attractive.

I identify as aroace because I found a guy who seemed really nice and I liked being around him. I told my friends I enjoyed his company and they immediately started making fun of me for having a crush. I spent weeks agonizing over if it was or not, and I hated myself because I knew I didn't want to have sex with him, and I knew I didn't see him as husband material, so why did I want to be around him?

I'm aroace because I watched one of my close friends fall hard for a guy. I didn't trust him from the start, but she gave him a chance. They did things, and then he ghosted her. It took her a full year to recover from him. He emotionally wrecked her, and I had to help pick up her pieces. It got to the point where we couldn't hang out without her bringing him up at least once, and it made me confused and angry necause I couldn't wrap my head around the concept of breaking up and love like that. I was honest with her and said I didn't understand what she saw in him or how she could move so fast with someone like that, but as her friend I would always come to her defense and would never judge her, despite my confusion and lack of sight in the category of dating.

I identify as aroace because I watched my friends make a list of things they were looking for in a husband, and I couldn't make a list because I couldn't see myself getting married.

I identify as aroace because the politics of dating in my college's theatre department sicken me, and I cannot understand how people care so much about such a trivial thing as romance or sex. It feels like I'm the only one at my college who is actually at college to get a degree. I'm hauling my ass to pull 4.0s every semester, then turn around and see people older than me kissing and holding hands and dragging their significant other with them and skipping class to go get coffee with them. Why?? Why, I keep asking myself! Why do they feel the need to do that??? Why don't /I/ feel the need to do that???? What is wrong with me????

I identify as aroace because a freshman asexual came out to me my sophomore year. I felt excited because even though I wasn't sure I was ace at the time, I knew the ace community would understand my confusion for romance. And as far as I knew, she and one other girl in the junior class were the only ace people in my life. Then later she came up to me and confessed she had a crush on another freshman in our department. I knew romantic attraction and sexual attraction were two different things, but it hurt for a second to think that even the person who would most likely understand my thoughts on dating felt romantic love and wanted to date. What is /wrong/ with me?????

I identify as aroace because another theatre freshman confessed to me who he had a crush on, and my advice was to wait a few months before doing anything about to ensure it wasn't infatuation. I give advice on dating a lot for someone who's never had a boyfriend or even a real crush. People ignore my advice most of the time.

I identify as aroace because my close friend group had a falling out in which one girl went to everyone in the group except me and basically said she didn't want to be friends anymore because we weren't Christian enough for her. This was my first real friend group. It broke me. I had just began trusting people again, letting them into my life without questioning their motives. And then my worst fear came true. If my best friends could still leave me, who's to say a boyfriend wouldn't either?

I'm aroace because I went through COVID quarantine in the summer of 2020 alone. No one from school talked to me or reached out to me. My family didn't check in with me. I was suicidal, all I saw in the world was darkness. But obviously, I made it through that awful summer. But I did it ALONE. And if I can get through the worst part of my life alone. I can get through the rest of my life alone.

I'm aroace because I'm watching my younger sister get a boyfriend and suffer when he had to move five hours away. I heard my parents whisper how they thought it was for the best, since he seemed to change my sister. I'm watching my youngest sister actively crush on a boy who doesn't like her back, and she is jealous of the sister who found a boyfriend. She doesn't listen to me when I say she doesn't need a boyfriend to get through high school. I'm listening to my parents talk about my autistic brother, and they say "/Unfortunately/, he will never get married." Like singleness is a curse.

I'm aroace because I read about the Apostle Paul, who called singleness a blessing because single people can do things married people cannot, and I cried tears of joy that he felt called by God to write that down. Then I cried tears of anger because my church doesn't seem to carry that sentiment.

I am aroace because my mother refuses to believe me when I say I'm never getting married. "God has a plan for you. You would make a perfect mother." She keeps saying I'll have twins. At this point, she's manifested it enough I'm worried I'll get raped and give her her twins that way. I am not out as aroace to my parents.

I'm aroace because my ADHD makes me so forgetful and emotionally volatile, I would never find a man to settle down with who could put up with me, and I would be such an emotionally abusive mother (I'm breaking a cycle). I have accepted my mental disability as my burden to carry. I ruin my friends' and family's lives with it enough. I will not ruin anyone else's.

I'm aroace because I just watched Grease the Musical last night, and while the actors and sets and costumes were all great, I hated the story because the happy ending included Sandy changing herself so that Danny Zuko would notice her. I told that to my mother, who then relayed it to my father as my being confused about the plot because I hadn't seen the movie.

I'm aroace because my friends keep harassing me about a guy that I like spending time with, even more than the first guy, but still can't see myself dating him. We both fake argue with each other, and apparently that's flirting??? But it's not to us???? So it's not flirting then???? But we've both had several conversations with each other about how we don't romantically like each other and we see each other as brother and sister, and I looked in his eyes when he said that and they held truth. But everyone thinks we're dating. I hate it.

I'm aroace because I love my friends passionately and madly. I always say "I love you" to them, because it's true! I love them with all my heart, and I will always be true and loyal to them. I would give my life for any of them, because that's what it means when Hope says "I love you." It means "You mean the world to me. If you leave me life, I will grieve you like I lost a part of myself. Because I am completed not by a romantic partner, but by my friends. You are my romance." But they don't say it back. That's okay. I know no one reciprocates the love I have for them. Because they want romantic love. Not platonic. And I've accepted I'm the broken one. I've accepted they're scared to say "I love you" because society has made them scared to. Because society has deemed our relationship as lesser. I am lesser, even though the love I have for my friends is stronger than any love in any Hallmark movie or romance novel. My love is pure, unfettered, adoring. But it's still deemed wrong.

I'm aroace because I do not wish the curse that is me upon anyone else. I have spent my life emotionally alone, and I have worked hard to get to where I am. I don't see the need for dating in my life. Sex as a concept disturbs me. Part of my aroaceness comes from my past sufferings, my trust issues from my family and friends failing me. The other part comes from a genuine confusion and lack of attraction.

I am content in my singleness. I have friends and passions to pour my love into. One good thing about my mental disability is I feel emotions on such a stronger magnitude than most people. So when I care about something, I will show it greatly. I am married to my art, and I am fulfilled by my work, and that is enough for me.

I fully believe God has called me to be single. But if He wants me to get married, He's gonna have to have the guy chase me for miles and years.

I've just started calling myself aroace this month. Pride month. And I'm taking pride in my lack of attraction. My brokenness, according to society. Because I'm not broken.

Like OP said.

I'm whole on my own!

about a month ago, my uncle asked if I had a significant other. I appreciate his gender inclusivity, of course.

I'm used to the question. it's not like it's something outrageous that he's asking. so I simply said no, that's not for me.

he looked at me and said "well, someday." not someday maybe, just.... someday.

of course I'm not quick to anger, but there's a part of me that's a little more defensive about my aroace identity. so I jumped to my defense.

my uncle isn't a bad guy, he's quite nice and tries his best to be respectful in the current political shit storm by supporting queer people. but apparently that does exclude me, an aroace.

I reiterated that I'm just not interested in a romantic or sexual partnership, and I really do not ever see that changing.

and he said something to the effect of "it's okay if you don't want that now."

and I said, "no, it's just okay that I don't want that."

and he said that I was pessimistic. as if I was secretly searching for a relationship or a partner, but was rejecting love because I could not find one.

I calmly (with all the rage in my veins) told him "no, a life without love or sex is something optimistic for me."

he had the gall to look horrified.

I'm sick of aroace people not being seen as normal human people when they don't want the outcome of their life to look like everyone else's. I'm sick of the white picket fence, I'm sick of the assumption that everyone has another half out there.

I'm whole on my own.

[thaleleah]

hahaha my dad is literally such a pervert 😂

my stepmom is such a terrible person! she made my dad get rid of our family cat who's been in the family since i was in high school and i had to find out by visiting my dad one day and found my baby was gone 😭 they didn't even ask me if i would take her in cause i would've and they just gave her away like she was nothing 🫤

right?!! she always speaks highly of my dad on purpose to boost up his manhood so he doesn't leave her = no money for her. she is such a manipulative liar.

"he'd probs break a damn hip" had me dead 😂

so. for some unknown reason, a lot of women find my dad hot (ew) he's literally your typical bald and old white man 😂 i honestly think it's his money that attracts this women, he's a sugar daddy for these younger women 😂 i've never met his girlfriend but she's just another gold digger! and i believe she's in her late 20s-early 30s!

ask away babe i love this. the tea is hot here 🩷

i feel you girl. nothing worse than a parent choosing the stepmonster over their own kids. like what more do they want from us? you ruined our families lives! that's what they are good at!

awee girl i'm so sorry this fucker has influenced your relationships. but i don't blame you at all cause i would probably be the same too. they cause nothing but trauma. but you got this girl! i promise you, you'll find someone who is worthy of your time and won't remind you of your fuckwit stepshit 🩷

i'm sorry... court? what a fucking loser. girl please hire someone to beat the shit out of him 😂

omgg yess these vents have been so therapeutic for me! i personally don't have a good relationship with my sisters at all and i refuse to talk to them about my dad and stepmonster because they are just pure assholes who only care about themselves. we have each other so *big big hugs through the screen* 🩷

i bother my friends sooo much with sending them anything tom blyth 😂

THE WAY I HATE YOUR FAMILY RIGHT NOW OMGGGG

I would not be able to forgive them if my family got rid of our cat without even asking me if I wanted to take them in. I'd probs go completely no contact with them (and by no contact, I mean because they'd be dead)

Also, fuck this side chick too. Let's just add her in there cause she seems like she's just as bad as the rest of them 😂 How did he meet her anyway? Was she the replacement secretary to your stepmonster? 👀

Yeahhhh he really fucked me up good. But I'm honestly such a huge romantic at heart and I'm hopeful that a soulmate will come and sweep me off my feet one day

🎵 A dream is a wiiiiish your heart maaaaakessss 🎵

Also, yes. Court lol. He offered to help pay for part of my college tuition as a "The past is the past. I'm a changed man. Let's be a ✨family✨ now" and then he got pissed cause dropped one of my classes that I didn't even need and said that I was "ungrateful". So he threatened to take me to court and sue me for all the money he 'wasted' on my tuition. Now... I'm not saying that I want him to fall off a cliff. But if it happened? Can't say I'd be upset about it tbh

Yes, babes! We def have each other! *big big virtual hugs* 🧡 And I appreciate you listening to my rants too cause i don't have a therapist right now and I really should lol

Side note: OBVIOUSLY Tom Blyth is the finest specimen on earth. That's no debate. But.... thoughts on Austin Butler? Cause he just came on my radar and ohhhhh mannnn 👀

[creepling]

the idea of klitz falling for a girl that joined the tripod literally MURDERS ME. he’s so protective and sweet oh my god <klitz3

no bc you’re SO RIGHT it’d be the cutest thing ever!! i have some headcanons for it like-

she/they pronouns used!! (non-descriptive nsfw, just eli being eli)

the reader would be smart and a nerd like the tri-pod, but a big ball of sunshine.

always saying hi to klitz in class, which just makes him freeze and blush so bad.

matthew would keep reminding klitz to ask her on a date.

“she’s totally into you, man. ask her out”

then eli just makes it gross

“yeah klitz, pop that cherry!”

but klitz doesn’t have typical wet dreams about you, he fantasises about being romantic with you. taking you on a date, sweeping you off your feet

it’s cheesy but you become the first person he has fallen in love with.

he’s so blinded by his attraction for you that he doesn’t notice the massive crush you have on him

you’ll ask him anything just to have a conversation with him. you hate playing dumb, but sometimes you’ll ask him answers to test questions (that you already know) just to talk to him.

“hey tim, do you know the answer to question eleven?”

klitz willingly tells you, stumbling over his words due to nerves. then he realizes....

klitz willingly tells you, stumbling over his words due to nerves. then he realizes....

“wait, how come you’re asking? didn’t you get an A in this class last semester?”

oh shit, he caught you red handed.

“i mean- yeah. but it’s getting harder to understand, you know?” you say, slowly covering the correct answer you already wrote down.

you weren’t really considered part of the tri-pod until you volunteered to help with eli’s film project.

he kinda weirded you out at first, but once he cooled down on the smut jokes you found him funny.

you helped out matthew with his ‘lady troubles’, reminding him that women actually have feelings and are not just objects.

you still got really nervous around klitz, but your nerves began to decrease the more you got to know him.

then a silly classroom crush began to become something more.

it was klitz’s idea to involve you more, much to eli and matthew’s dismay (“no girls! they’re just trouble!”)

you joined in with their study sessions and movie nights and the more you hung out with them, the more they began to view you as a new friend.

since they were oblivious teenage boys, they asked you a lot of questions about girls.

eli: “so... girls bleed from their butt?”

“what? no they don’t! it’s the vagina.”

matthew: “that’s so stupid, eli! jeez, even i knew that”

klitz was always in the side lines in these situations, laughing at their stupidity.

one day you guys were sitting on the couch watching a movie. you were next to klitz, your hands by your side.

since it was a three sitter, you were all pretty tight in together. klitz dazzled a crimson blush on his cheeks as his leg brushed up against yours.

he spotted your hand, how close to was to his.

you could feel his stare, concealing a smile as you figured out what he desperately wanted to do.

teasing his flustered state, you edged your fingers towards his and rested them on top. the warmth of your hand surprised him, his eyes looking at you like a deer caught in headlights.

you stared back gently, the soft, subtle smile on your face melting klitz in a heartbeat.

ever since you held his hand during movie night, klitz couldn’t get you off his mind.

he wanted to ask you on a date, but his insecurities got the best of him.

he felt ugly, disgusting. he thought he didn’t deserve you. if a popular guy or jock ever noticed your presence, they’d snatch you up in a heartbeat.

“i don’t deserve them” is what he thought.

when he asked eli if he was ugly, he mentioned your name.

“i really like her, eli. in fact, i think i love them. i can’t get them out my head. but she’s so pretty and i’m so . . . ugly. once high school is over, she’ll go to college and forget about me, go for someone way more attractive. what if i ask her out and she just laughs in my face?”

when eli got it through to him that he was talking bullshit, it gave klitz the confidence to ask you out.

klitz: “you won’t be mad, would you? y’know ‘girls are trouble’ and all.”

eli: “nah, man. she’s cool, she’s one of us now. we’re the tetrapod now!”

the perfect time to ask you out was prom. klitz still went ahead with the film plan, but he also wanted it to be a special time with you.

if you accepted him, that is.

the day before he came to your house. you invited him into your bedroom and sat on the bed.

klitz began to get nervous again. his doubts flooding back in his thoughts. but he reassured himself. tetrapod, he thought, we’re a tetrapod now.

klitz began to ramble on, vomiting out his thoughts, “ok so i have been meaning to tell you this for a while but i’ve never had the courage. i really like you. i have ever since i first seen you in chemistry class. you’re the most beautiful person i have ever seen and i want to ask you out- yeah- so uh- would you wanna go to prom with me?”

he knew he could have worded it better, but the smile forming on your face made him aware that he did something right.

you didn’t hold yourself back any longer, you got up from the bed and immediately connected your lips with klitz’s. he froze in surprise until the warmth of your lips and the euphoria from the kiss eased him. your arms wrapped around his neck, you pulled him closer, his hands resting on your waist.

once you pulled away the smile came back to your face. “i thought you’d never ask.”

it surprised him to know you liked him back. he thought he was dreaming. but it felt real, you felt real. the reality of the situation astonished him, but also made his dreams come true.

“you sure you don’t want to go to prom with danielle’s porn buddies?” you teased.

klitz immediately shook his head, “i’d pick you in a heartbeat.”

[kart0]

Update on what's going on with my life:

So. What a week huh.

Finally went to a different psychiatrist, one that will actually hear what I have to say, and will take care of me. And also confirm my autism diagnosis. Hooray ! She said I was taking too many pills ( I'm bipolar as well ) and we would definitely change that. So these past few days I've been taking less and less pills, and she will give me a new prescription this Friday. I was taking 4 different types of medications, can you believe that ? No wonder I started feeling very very sick since December. I also I gained a lot of weight, and it made me feel very depressed.

Anyways, I've been impressively very happy. Classes have been intense but pretty cool, and I'm thinking after graduation maybe studying to be a teacher or something. I really like helping people, I don't know why but it makes me feel so good and idk. Happy.

Also, remember my coming out post ? Yeah, I figured not only am trans but I am gender fluid to be more specific. Yay ? Makes me feel like a chameleon.

Now talking about sexuality: I know I am aroace, and tmi but sex repulsed too. It's hard because I don't really have much experience with intimacy. I've only ever kissed two mouths and I felt disgusted. But... Sometimes I wonder it wouldnt feel like this if I met the right person. I'm a romantic, after all. But men make me feel gross and disgusted, and they give me the ick and make me feel annoyed. Like. I have a sister and she's in a 5yo relationship and whenever she pecks or kisses or hugs her boyfriend it makes me super uncomfortable.

But also I am scared of women ???? Huh ? I can tell when they're pretty but I can't imagine myself dating a girl. Plus I have homophobic parents. I should avoid girls as much as possible ? Maybe i am too scared if they knew I might like girls. Theyd be disappointed or even disgusted. Asian parents hah

But I wish I was loved and I wanted so much to be in love. I long so bad for someone to care and accept me fully and. Sigh. I don't want and I'm scared of being alone forever. Being autistic makes things everything hard and foggy, I don't know what I want and I don't know who I am and I'm scared. I feel guilty for wanting and not wanting to experience new things, but I am paranoid and too scared. I am touch repulsed but touch starved can you believe ? Whenever my classmates ( pretty men to be specific ) causally touch me, in my shoulder or a handshake, I feel things... I definitely feel butterflies ( i think they're butterflies ? ) in my tummy. My rational brain screams WEAK ASS BITCH to myself lol. I SHOULDNT BE THIS WEAK AAAAAAA I DONT EVEN LIKE THEM ? There's knew specific person that makes me feel the most ? But I refuse to have a crush on him because I think he is dating ( or in a situationship ) with a different classmate ( they were kinda dating but idk anymore ? )

Anyways. He is kinda attractive but I also wish I was him ? Idk what kind of mess my brain is. He's a guy and he's pretty and has a mullet and he has great arms. Sigh ( I like shoulders ) I guess I have gender envy lmao

And he's become touchier this semester, maybe he just behaves like that with everyone ( probably ! I'm very, very touch starved ) but my god sometimes I wanna punch him because it makes me feel things every.single.time! Ugh !!!!!!; like I don't even know if I like the dude but the touching makes my heart skip.

Anyways, I hope I find someone who loves me and accepts me the way I am. None of my friends tries to learn and understand how autism works and it's very lonely. I feel very disconnected and alienated... Specially with my childhood friends. They go to parties and drink and hook up and it's so far from my reality. I also been feeling pretty shitty about my looks. I was gorgeous with my pink long hair and bangs and I used to wear makeup everyday for uni. Now I chopped everything because I wanted to look more masculine. But I ended up also gaining 16 pounds due to the meds. And now I'm trying hard to lose all this weight, and grow my hair again. I'm even considering buying a wig. I feel ugly and fat and lonely and sigh. It's hard to think I'm going to ever find love like this.

Gosh, I'm so sorry for the rant. I needed to vent somewhere and this is my home. I feel so comfortable here. If you read it all, thank you so much !

Oh. Had one more realization

I am also gay. I like men.

[sublimecatgalaxy]

for a request it could be a elliot x reader x rue where Elliot and rue are both dating her but they aren’t dating each other? and when reader gets close to jules due to them having similar pasts elliot and rue get jealous and basically just clingy and needy elliot and rue because the both of them make me 🥰🥰

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of sex, angst.

Word Count: 1.8k

A/n: Okay this was SO different than anything I'd ever write but I loved it. Holy shit. Okay so anyways. You guys are getting so much content today😂

I knew my feelings stemmed further than men from a young age. Don’t get me wrong, I still liked men but… women.The way other girls in my class would catch me looking at them, the way my heart would pound when they would pass by me, the smell of their perfume making my head spin. I would constantly wonder if any other girl in my class felt the same way towards women. Or if it was just me. My friends would go on and on for hours about men and I would just sit there in silence. It was difficult for me to talk with my friends without being able to explain that I feel the same way about women that I did men. I already knew I had an interest in men, just from similar experiences with catching their glances at me once I overcame puberty and developed a sense of confidence.

I hadn’t really gone into deep thought about my sexuality much other than that I was attracted to who I was attracted to. That was enough of an explanation to me and no one around me was looking for much of an explanation. No one cared and it was honestly nobody’s business. My sexuality wasn’t some big unearthing event, or coming out, it was just something I was aware of for the longest time. Something I was okay with and comfortable with.

My feelings for Rue started at a young age too, in middle school. We sat next to each other in most of our classes and I just felt attracted to her, like I wanted to be by her. It wasn’t sexual or even romantic, at first at least, I just wanted to be close to her and listen to her talk. I never knew about how she felt sexually. I knew that she had sex with one or two guys and maybe gave a few handjobs but, with women, I never knew. I wasn’t sure if she did either. We were friends, and she never knew about my feelings for her, that was until high school. I told her how I felt for her on the first day of sophomore year, her standing between my thighs as I looked up at her. I was nervous, but with how my feelings for her continued to grow, I couldn’t not tell her. She took it well, her lips dipping down to press against mine in a silent agreement.

Being with Rue was the first time in my life, since middle school, that I questioned whether I was attracted to men or not anymore. I think I was invalidating that part of myself, thinking ‘well I’m with a woman so does that change my sexuality and how I feel for men?’ The short answer is, no, nothing changed. But I felt different with her than I ever did with a man. Until Junior year.

We were together for a year when we met Elliot. And I was in love with him within the first week.

I felt guilty, Rue’s drug addiction getting worse as I opened my heart to the handsome man, his smile and attitude drawing me in. He went out of his way to be by me, his hand on my shoulder, his fingers brushing against mine as we walked next to each other. He knew that I wanted him, regardless of my relationship with Rue. I was aware of his drug issue, that it was much more controlled than Rue, and he was what she wanted to be. A controlled addict. A functioning one.

He drew me in like a moth to a flame. I felt excitement, thrill, heat, when I was with him. My cheeks would heat up, thighs pressed together as he would look at me through his lashes, his fingers plucking at the guitar in his lap. I had become increasingly distant from Rue, feeling guilty but also conflicted. I was so set with Rue, with my sexuality, but Elliot threw me through the ringer. He threw my heart and my mind through the ringer. And I loved it.

I want to make it clear that we are not a throuple.

It was Elliot’s idea originally, Rue’s eyes rolling when he told her he wanted to fuck me. I was shocked to say the least, knowing this information in my mind but never expecting to hear it out loud. Let alone have it voiced to my girlfriend of a year. I listened in silence to them argue and talk for hours, not really including me in the conversation. When I spoke up, Rue’s attention was on me. She was obviously high, not sure on what, but I could tell by her slurred speech that she wanted to know what was going on.

I explained to her the time I was spending with Elliot, how close he and I have gotten and how it’s opened my eyes. That I had been really happy but wasn’t prepared to lose her. That I would rather die than lose her. She understood this, so did Elliot. That’s why he suggested his plan.

That I would date the both of them.

At first I thought it was ridiculous, not understanding the dynamic of me dating the two of them but them not dating each other. Rue thought it was shocking too, her jaw slacked as she looked at the boy, her face screwed up at the thought of sharing me. But I could tell Elliot wasn’t going to stop until he could be with me.

I liked that…

So we tried it out for a few months. The two of them definitely had this silent competition going on, but I liked the fact that they both liked me enough that they could put up with each other to be with me. There was time that I would spend with the both of them, watching movies, talking, doing homework. And then there was time that I would specifically spend with one or the other. Time that I valued equally.

It was different though. They both understood my emotions and my body in different ways. Rue was already familiar with my body, having an extra year on top of Elliot to learn, but she struggled with the emotional parts of relationships.

Elliot was the opposite. Half the time when I was upset or conflicted, he knew what to say and knew the root or cause of my emotions. He could read me like a book and when it came to our physical relationship, he was more than eager to learn.

Nonetheless, I was fulfilled by both of them and they were both happy.

Until I met Jules.

I knew that her and I were going to be best friends the moment I met her. Our first conversation was about our trouble and tribulations with our sexuality and trauma that's affected it. She’s suffered greatly at the hands of sexual abuse and harrassment, and with her being transgender with so much knowledge of sexuality, she helped me come to terms with my own. And even though she had a bit of a crush on Rue, she could put that aside and respect the healthy, though weird, relationship between Rue, Elliot and I.

Rue and Elliot didn’t like that I was spending so much time with her though.

They had been unnecessarily clingy lately, the two of them hanging off of me whenever they could. Rue even made it a point that she hadn’t consumed drugs because she ‘wanted to see straight enough to look at my beautiful face’. And though it wasn’t completely out of character for Elliot, he had bought me at least four bouquets of flowers throughout the first month of Jules and I being friends. I could understand why, especially from Rue’s perspective. The fact that Elliot came in and kind of stole my heart was definitely unplanned but I’ve told the both of them that Jules didn’t have eyes for me. If anything, I should worry about Jules and Rue.

Even now, Jules leaves my room, leaving me with an anxious Rue and Elliot, both of them pacing my bedroom. I throw myself back onto my bed, a huff leaving my lips. The two of them stare at me, almost as if they’re waiting for me to explain.

“We were doing homework, guys, I don't know why you feel the need to interrupt my study time with my friend-” I let out a sigh, cutting myself off, my hands reaching up to rub my face as the bed shifts next to me. Rue sits down next to me, her eyes glazed over, as she smirks.

“Babe, you’re pretty so I’m gonna say this gently.” She whispers, her hand reaching over to rest on my thigh. “She wants to fuck you and you’re dumb for not seeing it.” My jaw drops at her words, my cheeks warming as my gaze leaves her to look at Elliot. He shrugs gently, agreeing with the girl's statement, his hands shoved into his pocket as he makes his way over to the side of the bed. He sits down next to me, his eyes soft as I look between them.

“Well I feel ganged up on.” I huff, sitting up, crossing my arms over my chest. “She doesn’t want to fuck me.” I tell the two of them, their eyes rolling in disbelief. “Okay, fine, you want me to be honest?” I ask, Rue nodding but Elliot’s eyebrows pull together in worry at my tone. “She wants to fuck you, Rue. Not me.” I look at the girl who scoffs but when she sees that I’m serious, her face drops. Silence consumes the room for a moment, Rue looking down at the bed, embarrassed. Elliot laughs loudly and suddenly, falling onto the bed in front of me as he points at Jules.

“I told you!” He yells, reaching over to shove her as she looks at me with wide eyes. “I’m so sorry baby, I knew Rue was stupid when she said all those things about Jules.” Elliot pouts, his hands reaching towards me to take my hands, pressing kisses to my knuckles. Rue stutters beside me.

“O-Okay, so maybe I was mildly wrong.” Rue huffs, her cheeks warming as she scoots closer to me, a sheepish smile on her lips. I giggle, my hands reaching to gently tuck some hair behind her ear. Elliot continues to laugh, tears springing his eyes as I reach over to shove him gently.

“See! I’m the better lover and the better partner.” Elliot whispers, my cheeks heating up as I roll my eyes. Rue continues to huff, my hand reaching over to pull her into my side, my lips pressing against her forehead. She gets comfortable quickly, just happy that I’m not mad at her suspicions. Elliot chuckles, his fingers now messing with mine as he plays with the rings, his eyes sleepy. The laughter and embarrassment dies down after a few moments, the room in a comfortable silence as I look between the people I love most in the world.

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