#this gets kinda negative ugh

[mintyvoid]

so im once again trying to work through my issues with life, but again more specifically what is hindering my ability to finish projects. Cause like- if you dont know already, i am an artists..if you can't find a salary job(and even if you can) you need to build some sort of following or portfolio to garner attention and ~eventually~ that leads to income.

...so i need to finish things, get better at my craft, figure out what my ~thing~ is. and to do that once again, i need to finish things.

aight so i write down some of the main reasons, start from the basic and keep delving deeper and deeper till i figure out the main issue that i can start working on. I didn't get very far before i started seeing a pattern lol.

My current reasons for my struggle to finish things-

1. struggle to start

2. struggle to stay focused

3. struggle to overcome problems

Now there are probaby more- but I figured the more I thought about this the more likely id get either frustrated or overwhelmed and then not move onto the next step. Of exploring each reasons and what hinders THOSE.

1a. no motivation

1b. no energy

1c. lacking resource/info/guidance

1d. depression

As an autistic person- these kinda aren't really surprising. Executive dysfunction is like a really hard thing to overcome and it effects a shit ton of things. I wouldn't be surprised if I also deal with PDA(pathologic demand avoidance). Some days the only thing hindering are things like 'cant open program' or 'cant move from spot to computer to work'. Some days I can do these and STILL just stare at my screen and my body and mind refuse to do anything.

Unsurpisingly as well, when moving onto the other reasons the hinders ended up being identical LOL.

But then I fall into the issue i've had since getting diagnosis, by looking at all of this the 'main issue' IS my autism. Its the executive dysfunction- its the fact that ive lived for decades undiagnosised and am now so fucking tired trying to fix myself when it never wouldve worked in the first place. To rewrite my brain from all the internalized ableism i most likely have.

But the resources to work with my autism are hard to come by and quite expensive.

I can't afford to change my environment- and there are a lot of things in my home that I can't change that ARE hindering my ability to function. Working with what i have simply isnt working anymore, but im right back to trying it- desprately wanting it to work because its the only thing i have access too.

right back to feeling helpless cause there doesn't seem to be anything I can do. Like theres no easier solution and im too tired to fight for myself anymore.

[javierduffy]

thoughts about johm marstlin

[villainartist]

i do not like when people say kaede would be a static protagonist if she survived the game like as if she wouldnt have 5 whole additional chapters for shit to be thrown her way and see how she'd change and adapt... plenty of writers have pulled off this idea with flying colors so idk why ppl say "ok but IN CANON kaede would just vote hope/despair in the end!" like LITERALLY WE DONT KNOW THATTT THOUGHHHH . shuichi was very different in ch1 compared to ch6 why is kaede exempt from this logic...............

[cloudd-nyne]

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[jrueships]

sauce trying to befriend the popular twitch streamers and gamers is giving sheltered christian kid realizes their only hopes for friendship in school are the weird white boy reddit users who think slurs are comedy, and is just excited to have 'cool' friends so they'll do or say or get into anything their friends do to sound equally as smart just to be capable of saying (lying) that they have 'friends' to their mom when she asks about their day so their family doesn't think they poured all that money into a socially inept loser. instead, they poured all that money into a socially desperate parakeet

[snzluv3r]

plot twist update on my gf catching my cold: turns out i caught her cold, and it’s definitely something a little worse than a cold but maybe not quite as severe as the flu

[nekomasmngr]

i just really needed to get this off my chest cause its been weighing on me for the past few days but if anyone sees this don't mind my rambling and negativity

i hate how ive been avoiding reading new fics on tumblr again just as i was about to get back into it. i can feel myself overthinking and hesitating on reblogging a fic i like or just giving it a like or if i should give my thoughts and reactions like how i felt happy with doing for the past few weeks but now im overthinking everything cause the authors will see and idk judge my overly annoying words and now im just afraid im gonna offend all of them.

i blocked that last author because it was really weighing on me but now i feel like i also lost something in me cause i remembered that they were one of my favourite authors for the past few years but now i dont get to read their works anymore without feeling triggered. (besides i cant see their blog anymore which is a good thing anyway the block feature doing its JOB, X could never!!)

i know its good to support writers and give feedback and such but i already have such a hard time interacting with people in real life, i was trying to build a safe space in this corner of the internet but i can feel myself regressing back into my bad habits and overthinking and getting anxious just because i got triggered by one comment last weekend.

i guess i'll just slowly rebuild that expressiveness again but i dont know if i'll ever get back to commenting like i did before -- this also feels super dramatic but idk its just the feelings ugh

[milkloafy]

hello friends i’m only like 3 days into my family vacation out of 2 weeks and i already wanna go home 🥹🥹 pls save me

[pearlpool]

hm.

[lucyvaleheart]

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[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[flyingspicerack]

im cooking something

[oftheblue]

It's the way that in every mv him with the scar got killed by him without it but not this time... This time his past self was running to try and save his future self

[teruthecreator]

nooooo no it’s great no personally i LOVE when things just stop fucking working -__-

[hopefullyababe]

dude im having depression dreams again this is not good

[glasseswearingrabbitdetective]

It just doesn’t feel that satisfying somehow,, In the past you could get several suits for this price qq I love this suit a lot and I got 2 pieces of the demon suit bc I had to pay slightly over to get it to 550 exp(and had no luck with daily deals >>) but ;; welp… bye money, hello beautiful cat girl who I’ve wanted since the second I saw her previewed for cn-! Gotta focus on positives! not the ~20 or smt aud im trying not think about GKAKVKA

She be like this ^ GODLY!