#and its still happening
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So my current Gay Sports is watching the battle between the (endlessly devoted) wikipedia editors and the one person who keeps adding frank iero to the list of notable stigmatics and. oh my god
#and its still happening#this person WILL NOT QUIT#in all seriousness though like. give it up#they've been doing this for 4 YEARS
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hm.
#been feeling very irritable and negative lately to the point where ive been catching myself getting really frustrated with my dear friends#like i just saw something a friend said and i literally went 'oh my god who gives a fuck' out loud under my breath#and i feel incredibly guilty about it#choosing to blame academia but it literally makes me wanna cry. like i feel like a terrible person and friend#and before you ask. yes i ate yes i had a full nights sleep yes i left my room today yes im drinking water#and its still happening#idk i just cant stop complaining and feeling so DONE with everyone#i just. really thought i was getting better :/#oh well. i guess#ugh i just. UGH last night i talked so much shit about truly one of my closest friends. and its like okay they kinda deserved it#because what they did was shitty#but im literally perpetuating my own worst fear. which is being secretly disliked by those closest to me#:((( AGH.#diary
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You Ever Been Told You Were Selfish For Having Suicidal Thoughts?
#suicide#tw#i have#by many people#and its not fun#especially in junior high#and its still happening#whenever i tell my parents about them#even in college
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im already at the south downs cottage guys, catch up
#good omens#ineffable husbands#aziraphale#crowley#they're nb in the flavour of being lesbian gay men bc its such a lesbian move to pine for someone for a few thousands years#and literally not make a move#PLUS u know when they have sex it takes like 9hrs and if you wrote what they did down on paper it really wouldnt look like much#but they still had to take intensity breaks bc they kept getting overwhelmed and then just making out for an hour#thank u for coming to my ted talk#high amounts of gender of all types happening all the time with these two
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Okay, but what if EoW!Zelda had to impersonate Link
#echoes of wisdom#the legend of zelda#loz#loz eow#zelda#link#josh art tag#the scenario i imagine is that nobody but zelda onows that link got got#and link presumably when on a whole quest to save zelda so people would know him or at least of him#so maybe zelda would feel the need to make everyone think everything would be okay#cuz look! links still here and taking care of things!#idk i just think its a cool idea and its one ive actually had for a while#a little while ago i wondered what the next loz game would be like and what i would want to see#and i of course thought of playable zelda#but i thought#what would cause zelda to be playable?#so i thought maybe something would happen to link and he would be unavailable so zelda would take his place#and then that idea fit so well with eow!#i think its fun seeing a zelda in the classic green. and the hat#imposter!zelda au
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what if she abstracts because of caine
#aw man shes all goopy#showtime so good when its just this#the amazing digital circus#tadc pomni#tadc caine#can i still tag this as a ship#yea#caine x pomni#tadc showtime#anyway if pomni abstracts in the show#im going to sob#even if she comes back#i love pomni sm i dont want anything bad to happen to her WAILS#(i say as i draw her abstracting anyway)
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sry i have chronic only draws megumi disorder the doctor said it's terminal :/
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro#fanart#jjk fanart#megumi#me: 'i like yuuji and megumi Equally :)' also me:#i cant help it hes so fun to draW hes so easy to draw i love you i love you i love youuuuuu#also this is kiiind of me making good on that poll i did forever ago saying id draw catboys . so as promised here is A Catboy :3#hes sooooo meowmeow hes so gd CUTE god i love . fushiguro mEGUMI#to b fair i Do like yuuji and megu equally ffgsdjfdjh#sometimes u just gotta spend the whole entire day fully rendering what was supposed to be a megu sketch sheet#but now it is . just a char sheet by talos this cant keep happening#this all started bc i still want to practice/tweak the way i draw faces but it would appear i cannot control myself#also been loving drawing the cat megumi plush gddff fushiguro mewgumi is my favourite animal crossing villager#anyway so much for working on speed this was a fun 10 hours#its ok . i do it fr him <3 geto voice i dont mind being killed by you
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listen there really was just something about how in the book, snow’s 3-page descent from hesitant lover boy to deluded mfer happens entirely in his mind. lucy gray gives him no indication whatsoever that she suspects him, that she’s going to leave or betray him. he’s just sitting quietly in the cabin waiting for her to return when that seed of calculated suspicion, which he has needed to survive the capitol, takes a hold of him and chokes the life out of any goodness left inside him. it really drives home your terror as a reader that “oh my god did he kill her? did she escape? what happened to her? why would he even think that?” in a way that when the movie had to adjust for visualization it lost some of that holy shit this guy has lost it emphasis.
#seeing some discourse and im not saying lucy grey didnt know#im saying she never dropped the kind of hints that she knew like she did in the movie#or if she did snow isnt worried about them until he very suddenly is consumed by them#snow is not concerned about whether or not she believed him. of course she did! hes snow!#but then shes gone…. for a while……#and its the sudden immediate drastic unravelling that comes across so clearly in the book#that i knew wouldn’t translate to screen yet still cant help but miss#the hunger games#coriolanus snow#tbosas#lucy gray baird#not a crime or anything just a note that i cannot stop thinking about#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#this is all from memory of reading it quite a while ago. so maybe 3 pages is an exaggeration#but i remember it happening VERY quickly and without much external cause#like we as the reader have no indication as to whether shes nearby or not.#snow has no idea either. he just SUSPECTS. and his suspicion breeds the hatred that has been bubbling inside him all this time#he hates how she undoes him. he hates that he WOULD run away with her if shed let him keep his secrets#and he HATES more than anything that she makes him WANT to tell his secrets#he wants to be vulnerable and reveal the ugly nasty parts about himself and still be loved#but he does not let himself and it is everyone’s downfall#he chooses cruelty bc it is easy and familiar and makes him feel more powerful than the vulnerable give and take that real love requires
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Remembering that day a week ago when i slept at school 5 times and twice at home and was still exhausted
Read tags for more info (please?)
#and prior to that week (beginning of the month before)#im literally belphie#i had been sleeping way more frequently than normal#and had more naps than ever (4-5 a day)#and its still happening#im not getting any less tired#should i talk to my mom about this#and go to a doctor or#should i just keep being silly belphie biy#xens rants
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shenanigans
#all of these are inspired by stuff i put on my bingo slots#especifically big ben jokes/benji bestfriendism#yaz still drawing#BOYS!!! DAY!!! OUT!!!!#aaaand someone crying (other than me)#maybe if i draw them hard enough ill manifest them happening in the show#ITS HAPPENED BEFORE OK!!! IM TAKING MY CHANCES HERE#i have some more i plan to draw soon so. be on the lookout for that lol#jwcc#jwct#jurassic world#jurassic world camp cretaceous#jurassic world chaos theory#camp cretaceous#chaos theory#jurassic world: camp cretaceous#jurassic world: chaos theory#darius bowman#ben pincus#kenji kon#yasmina fadoula#yaz fadoula#sammy gutierrez#yasammy#benji jwcc#brooklynn jwcc#(implied) (kind of)#my art#livsmessydoodles#livsmessydoodlez
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doodles as i relive my spideyman phase from eighth grade
#first fanart in a while!#i was rewatching the ultimate spiderman cartoon bc it was my entire childhood lol#also this also happened bc i watched deadpool and wolverine and loved it but also came out of it loving spideypool and i feel like ive been#played. somehow#their dynamic is so good and crazy and i started reading the spideypool run and its actually so insane im crying#anyways here i am sorry i forgot about tumblr for a little bit i just forgot to log in ndjfhdjjr#school starts back up again and i am Excited (fear) but hopefully i can still post stuff ehe#have a good day and week! :3#spiderman#peter parker#marvel#ok bye
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Sometimes at work it's not my place to tell people the things I want to say, and I find I often go home at the end of the rougher days to stand blankly in my shower and tell myself over and over what I wish I could pass on.
This accomplishes very little, and mostly just gives me a tension headache, but through it all I think I've narrowed myself down to a few solid things I'd like to tell people the most.
You can't change people. Not permanently, not for anythig. You can support them, encourage them, love them, give them tools and opportunities and resources, but you can't make them change. They can change themselves if they want to, but they have to want to, and they have to want it for themselves, because they're the only one that's certain to be with them forever.
For better or worse, you make your own choices, and blaming bad choices on others doesn't only work to absolve you of responsibility- it also robs you of control. Because if you say you only did something because I did something, then you arent only shifting blame- you're admitting that you cannot control yourself, that you cannot truly make choices for yourself, that other people can control you- and as long as you truly beleive that, you'll keep facing the same problems over and over. You'll keep letting others dictate your choices, because you'll beleive that they can, and you'll never be free.
White knights on horseback are from fairytales. Nobody can help you if ou're not willing to help yourself. To try, to put the dirty work in, to belive you're worth that effort- Act as though nobody is coming to save you. From a struggle, from pain, from bad relationships, from yourself. And when you do save yourself, because you will, because failure here isn't an option if you want to survive, you'll never find another dragon that can keep you prisoner.
Don't say anything to anyone that you wouldn't want them remembering forever.
Doing the right thing in bad circumstances is hard. It's the hardest thing. But if you make the choice to do that hard thing anyways, despite your fear, you'll go on the rest of your like knowing that you're the sort of person who did something.
The present only seems the hardest because the past I over and the future hasn't happened.
There's so much joy ahead of you, the kind you can't possibly understand until you see it yourself.
The responsibility of consequences is often disguised as the power of permission. "I won't do this if you help me", "I'll work on my anger if you do this for me", "I promised you I'd quit, but can I have just one?". The unspoken question is, "Can it be your fault if this goes badly?"
You cant make someone love you the way you need to be loved. Someone can love you very much and still be bad for you, even if you love them very much in return. Two people can love each other very, very much, and try their very best, and still be wrong for each other.
Sometimes being near to someone changes you, even in good ways, and the people you become don't fit together as well as the people you were.
Caring takes work. Even if it's real. Especially if it's real. And the most important gestures aren't the grand, poetic, songs-and-flowers-and-tears moments; they're getting out of bed even though you don't want to. Paying attention to things you don't enjoy. Scrubbing pans, or opening a window, saying "thank-you", or helping carry groceries into the house. The small things fill the big things- without the small, boring, mediocre things, big things feel hollow.
Thrre is honour and dignity in humble work.
If you are a cruel and spiteful person, then you will find every place you visit to be full of the same cruel, spiteful people. This is not because the world is as cruel as you, but because everywhere you are, you will be disliked. This is the curse that comes with being persistently cruel and spiteful.
If you are a kind and ppsitive person, you will repeatedly encounter kind and positive people, because as they grow familiar with you, they will be happier to have you near. This is the reward of being a kind and positive person.
When splitting paths with loved ones, briefly or forever, aim for your last words to always be "I love you".
#I'm still so young and ignorant#but I wish someone had told ME these things before I had to learn them#And now when shit goes south and everything is over and calm again the same things just roll though my head#Over and over and over#It's like everyone I meet has the same 3 problems and its ruining their lives#I just want to take everyone I meet by the shoulders and shake them#I KNOW why this is happening to you#Do you realize you can be better?#Do you realize you can do it?#Aren't you terrified of wasting your life like this?#*I* want to be happier#*I* used to be so much worse than I am#And I don't have it all figured out#But if we all decide to help ourselves then it'll be that much easier to help each other#Right?#It's so hard to lift dead weight#You need to kick against the waves with me#You need to WANT to float#Do you understand#Ugh it's 6am#This has been your overdramatic midnight ramble#Imma grill me a cheese and go back to bed#Blaurfhgh
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I just did some math and, if Cas is as old as the earth, his 12 years with Dean is equivalent to like 0.08 seconds in a human lifespan. That’s less than 1/10th of a second, shorter than the blink of an eye. He knew Dean for such a short amount of time compared to his entire existence and it was enough to fundamentally change everything about Cas and how he sees the world. That’s absolutely insane to me.
#if u don’t believe me its (12/4.5billion)*365*seconds per day#I originally thought it was the equivalent to like one afternoon to a human#and a lot can happen in an afternoon. Some of my most life changing events occurred over the span of a few hours.#of course it was still romantic that Cas changed because of Dean in such a short period of time but an afternoon isn't inconsequential#but in this context its mind-blowingly romantic and hopeless because that's like if a random bug bit me and immediately died#and I fell in love with that bug and changed my entire perception of the world because of my love for that bug#Can you imagine that?#dean x cas#destiel#dean winchester#cas#supernatural#castiel#deancas#casdean#spn#Like
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thinking about the way ghost doesn't hesitate to start killing shadows when graves betrays them but soap only takes one hostage
you can almost hear the voice in his head telling him it doesn't have to be this way; they can still talk it out
"i'm calling shepherd"
his first instinct when confronted with betrayal is to play it by the books: to go up the chain. that goes against everything we've seen him do. he bucks authority at every chance except for the one time he's confronted with the barrels of his allies' guns
he wants a peaceful resolution; for the first time we've ever seen, he doesn't want violence to be the answer. there has to be another fix, a solution that doesn't end with him killing the same men he's been working with; his friends
nothing's happened yet
it doesn't have to go this way
but ghost has been betrayed before. he knows the way this ends; either with him six feet under or his enemy
he doesn't hesitate
it's only when they knock alejandro out that soap shoots; when they spill the first blood and cross a line they can never come back from
only when ghost orders him to run and he has to cover his retreat
and somewhere along the line, between civilians’ screams and taunting voices, between his shaking breath and ghost steady in his ear, that naivety is stripped away; his trust turned to teeth that he uses to sink into throats of men he'd have given his life for
"be careful who you trust, sergeant; people you know can hurt you the most"
he's learned the price of trust
just like ghost did
but unlike ghost, he has someone to guide him through the aftermath
"good advice, It"
#im gonna add these to my notfics on ao3 i think i have a Lot of these floating around#a bit shorter than my other metas but i think its something that gets missed when people talk about alone#soap is a violent man#his career literally trains him to shoot first ask questions later#and yet he still tries his best to avoid blood when faced with betrayal#and you realise it actually does fit him#soap cares about the men he serves with#he wants to save the men at the crash site he checks on a downed soldier he asks about civilians about alejandros family#hes very tuned into the people around him#and he cant turn that off until hes forced to#until graves gives him a reason to hate him#and all of that previous care and consideration goes out the window#‘makes me want to commit a few war crimes of my own’#dont cross soap#you want like what happens if you do#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#talk meta to me#soap cod#john soap mactavish#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#ghoap#ghostsoap#soapghost#meta#phillip graves#graves cod#save post
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sarchengsey road trip is permeating my brain at all times. btw.
#this piece drove me insane :)#pride art series is still happening!! its gonna be a pride summer ☀️#cause trying to draw everyday has been taking its toll on me unfortunately...#blue sargent#richard gansey#gansey#henry cheng#sarchengsey#bluesey#chengsey#richard gansey iii#the raven cycle#the raven king#the raven boys#trc#the raven cycle fanart#trc fanart#blue sargent fanart#gansey fanart#henry cheng fanart#sarchengsey fanart#fanart#art#my art#pride art#bisexual
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absolutely love how early on in the Oregon Parks promo campaign everyone was under the tweets being like "alex what is this" "alex we know it's you" "what are you plotting alex" and now everyone is screaming and crying in the replies for Park Ranger Gus Burnside and asking if he's okay
he got the fandom invested in his twitter roleplay character in the span of ~a week. i'm afraid there's nobody doing it like him— anyone who thinks they can pull off a Gravity Falls revival hoax/troll/etc should quit while they're ahead, truly
#at first seeing everyone referring to alex on the account bummed me out#like let him have his rp fun y'all#but then everyone got there naturally#and i think thats really cute#also im a little sad this couldn't have happened at peak gf fandom#we would've had gus burnside fanart by now#< we already do and i liked one of them in december but forgot lmao#also gus hcs and probably ships#somehow#but its still been super fun and a reminder how special this show is#gravity falls#the book of bill#book of bill#alex hirsch#oregon parks department#gus burnside#bill cipher
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