#this first chapter was mostly a build up and an introduction to all the characters

[abugsjournal]

A Cowboy's Cup of Coffee ☕

Arthur Morgan x male reader

Summary: This first chapter is mostly just introductions and getting to know our main character! Also hinting at mutual attraction. The real plot starts soon 👀

Content Warning: internalized homophobia (sort of?)

Chapter 1: The Handsome Stranger

Y/N's POV

     You wake up before the roosters sleeping in the local farms can wake up the rest of the town. You used to rely on them to wake you up but after a couple of months rising before the sun, it became routine. As the owner of the only café in Valentine, part of your job is waking up before everyone else and having coffee ready for them by the time they roll out of bed and make their way to you, still rubbing the sleep from their eyes as they order. Coffee is 5 cents per cup, and for an extra 3 cents you add a fresh baked pastry to go with the drink. You bake a different pastry for each day of the week. On Saturdays you make mini strawberry shortcakes, on Mondays you make blueberry muffins, and on Tuesdays you make peach turnovers (your absolute favorite). Your little café is closed on Sundays, you won't get any business while everyone is at church anyways.

     Today is Saturday and you're feeling particularly nostalgic. You remember how you were surprised by the news of your beloved uncle's passing, and even more surprised by the amount of money he left you in his will. He never had children of his own so you were the closest thing he had to a son. As a child you spent your free afternoons helping him run his butchers shop. You only helped at the register since all the meat and blood made you squeamish.

     Along with his life savings you also inherited his mismatched collection of coffee mugs and tea cups. That's what inspired the name for your business; The Collector's Café. You scavenged every estate sale you came across for cups, silverware, plates, chairs, and tables. No two pieces of furniture or dishes were the same. You found a vacant building in a small growing town named Valentine. Full of cattle ranchers and folks with big dreams. You hoped to fuel those dreams with coffee. You spent the remainder of your inheritance on the deed to the building, an oven, a few French presses, and your first order of coffee beans and baking ingredients.

     Two years later, here you are, unlocking your doors at five a.m. Within minutes you're greeting your regulars, as tired as they are loyal, and getting started on their usual orders. It's the busiest day of the week but it passes by without incident. You close up shop at two in the afternoon and finish up with your cleaning and other closing tasks by four. During your walk home you take a short detour through the nearby woods to unwind. It's the middle of spring and the native wildflowers are in full bloom. However, it's not the flowers that catch your eye. Peering into the center of a bright orange flower, you find a ladybug.

     Growing up you were always the shortest boy in your class and more often than not you were teased for it, so you developed a soft spot for the small creatures that were overlooked (or squished) by others. You pull out your sketchbook from your worn leather satchel and begin to draw what you see. You usually save drawing for your day off, but the little creature in front of you is just too precious to leave undocumented.

     After you finish walking home you eat dinner and quickly fall into a comfortable sleep, knowing tomorrow is you day off.

     You spend your Sunday morning tending to the house chores you neglected throughout the week. In the afternoon you stock up on groceries and supplies for the café. You spend the rest of your free time out in the woods drawing every little insect you can find. Before you know it the sun begins to set and you know it's time to turn in for the night.

     The roosters begin to caw as you pull your first batch of blueberry muffins out of the oven and set them on a rack to cool. As you unlock your doors and flip your sign to "OPEN" you can hear hooves and boots squelching through the muddy path through town. As the sun rises high enough to send warm beams of light through the windows, your usual group of regulars walk in, each greeting you with  a sleepy grunt or a gravely "Mornin',". Trailing at the end of the usual morning rush you see a new face. He walks in confidently but when you look into his eyes you can see something else, he looks lost. Maybe he's new in town?

     As he approaches the counter you try to make him feel welcome, "Good morning friend, welcome to The Collector's Café! It's not often I see a new face, especially this early, what's your name?"

     Shocked by your level of energy at such an early hour, the stranger takes a second to answer, "Arthur Morgan."

     "That's a fine name Mr. Morgan. I'm Y/N, nice to meet ya!" You smile as you take in the man's features. He's nearly six inches taller than you. Brown hair curls around the rim of his hat and back of his neck and matching stubble covers his jaw and chin. He has a strong nose that looks like it's been broken more than once, suntanned  skin, and the most piercing blue eyes you've ever seen. In the light coming in from the windows you can see they aren't just blue, they have a ring of green around the pupil that bleeds into the blue irises and for a split second you are drowning in them. You blink and remember you're supposed to be running a business. Clearing your throat, you ground yourself, "Now how can I help you?"

     Arthur's eyes wander from your face to the hand written menu propped up on the counter. "I'll have a coffee. Black."

     "Lovely choice, anything else?" You watch him narrow his eyes, still reading over the menu.

      After mulling it over in his mind, he replies, "Add one of them blueberry muffins too." He begins fishing out change from his pocket and drops eight cents into your hand.

     "Thank you Mr. Morgan! Go pick out a seat and I'll bring everything to your table in a moment."

     Arthur nods and begins looking around the eclectic café he finds himself in. He finds a seat in the back corner, a comfortable red chair next to a round oak table.

     You pull a still steaming muffin off the cooling rack and place it on a dainty plate decorated with ivy leaves around the rim. You fill a yellow mug from the freshest brewed batch of coffee and make your way over to Arthur, gently placing his order on the table in front of him. "There you are, holler at me if you need a refill!"

     "Thank you mister." He replies, looking up at you from under the brim of his hat.

     You think he might be a man of few words, or maybe just shy. You're already busy clearing tables as Arthur takes his first sip. You glance in his direction between each table, watching to see if he enjoys what you've made. New customers always make you feel a little nervous, the same nervousness you felt the day you opened your café. Thankfully, you see his eyes go wide as he takes a bite of the muffin, a slight smile forming at the corners of his mouth. You let out a small sigh of relief and return to your work, feeling a swell of pride in your chest.

     You're washing cups behind the counter when Arthur gets up to leave. "Have a nice day!" You call as he heads out the door. He silently tips his hat towards you and then he's gone. When you go to clear the table he was sitting at you notice that not a drop of coffee is left in the mug, and there's hardly any crumbs on the plate. It always warms your heart knowing your customers enjoyed their treat.

     The rest of the day flies by you. As you drift off you find yourself wondering if you'll see the handsome stranger again.

Arthur's POV

     You wake up to the sounds of the rest of the gang starting their days. You groan as you sit up, not looking forward to the tasks that will be given to you as soon as you exit your tent. Hopefully it won't be too bad, you're still worn out from setting up camp. You only just settled in this spot outside of Valentine and Dutch said we should lay low for a while. You get dressed and get your hair semi-decent before stepping outside.

     Javier and Hosea are sitting by the fire drinking coffee. "Bout time you woke up," Hosea greets you as you sit down to join them, "Dutch has been looking for you."

     "Won't kill him to wait one more minute." You pour yourself a cup of coffee and take a large swig. Your face involuntarily contorts in disgust as you swallow and you promptly dump out the rest, thinking about how much better the coffee tasted at the café you discovered while exploring the town yesterday. You make a mental note to go back after finishing up with whatever Dutch has planned for you.

     Walking over to his tent you see Dutch open his arms, the day's first cigar between his teeth, "Arthur! There you are," He throws an arm around your shoulders, "Would you mind escorting our lovely ladies into town today? They will not quit pestering me about it and I think it's about time we started gathering some intel."

     "Sure, I'm up for babysitting." You smirk at your own remark, entertaining yourself as you often do with your sarcasm.

     Dutch laughs and pats you on the back, "That's my boy! Hear that ladies?" You hear a chorus of excited giggles and turn to see Karen, Tilly, and Mary-Beth practically skipping towards the wagon. You can't help but smile at their giddiness as they chat and sing the entire ride into town.

     After hitching the horses you all split up. Luckily you weren't given anything specific to do in town other than making sure the girls stay out of trouble and making sure they get home safe, so you head right to the café, eager to get your caffeine fix for the day.

     Pushing open the door you hear a small bell ring above your head. "Hey Mr. Morgan!" Y/N smiles at you as the smell of coffee and peaches washes over you, "Back for more already?"

     You chuckle at how formally he addresses you, "Hey Y/N, you can drop all the 'Mr. Morgan' nonsense, Arthur is just fine."

     "Oh, okay! Well what can I do for you, Arthur?" As you look down at the barista you notice his eyes are the same deep brown color as the coffee he serves, perfectly matching his hair. His skin, despite being freckled, is almost as pale as cream.

     "I'll have a black coffee please, and do you have any more of those muffins?" You peek into the display case but you don't see any.

     "I'm all out of muffins, but I do have peach turnovers!" You must have looked as disappointed as you felt, the barista quickly adds, "I promise these are just as good! They're actually my favorite."

     Since your mouth has been watering since you walked in, you cave in and decide to try one, "Alright alright I'm convinced," You slide eight cents across the counter but Y/N slides three cents back towards you. You raise an eyebrow at him, suddenly doubting your ability to count without coffee in your system.

     "Go sit down, breakfast is on me today." He winks at you and starts preparing your order.

     Shocked by his kindness, it takes you a moment to remember your manners, "Thanks Y/N." You make your way to the same corner table you sat at yesterday. The café is full of customers, all happily chatting with Y/N as he weaves between tables clearing dishes and refilling mugs. You're surprised at how quickly he has your order ready. The cup of coffee is steaming and it warms your face as you bring the mug to your lips. After drinking the dirt water the rest of the gang calls coffee for so many years, you forgot what good coffee tastes like. You take a bite of the peach turnover, it's somehow better than the muffin you had yesterday! As the flaky crust softly crunches between your teeth and you bite into the juicy sliced peaches inside, you can see why these are Y/N's favorite.

     You continue watching him as he works. Everyone that walks in gets greeted with the same warm smile and he seems to know exactly how everyone likes their coffee without having to ask. After the majority of folks finish their drinks and file out, Y/N picks up the cups and plates and returns to wipe each table off with a rag.  He places his left hand down on a particularly long table and bends forward slightly to wipe down the edge against the wall. Your eyes travel from his shoulders and down his back. You can't help but stare at his slender waist and how his jeans hug his hips.

     Suddenly, as if he can feel your eyes on him, Y/N stands up and snaps his head in your direction. You feel your cheeks flush warm with shame, you lower your eyes and quickly finish the last of your coffee. Y/N glides over to you, "Need a refill?" Despite being taller than him, you suddenly feel very small with how he's looking down at you in your chair. Is the smile on his face playful? You're too wrapped up in your own embarrassment to know for sure.

      "Ah, no thanks," You can't stand his stare any longer and abruptly stand up, "I think it's about time I head out." Avoiding meeting his eyes you quickly walk past him and towards he door.

     "Oh, alright. See you round Arthur." You feel Y/N's gaze follow you as you go. You walk back towards the wagon, trying to shake the image of the barista's blue jeans from your mind. The girls are already there waiting for you. You silently ready the horses and climb into the wagon.

     "What have you been up to, Arthur?" Tilly asks as she climbs into the back seat.

     "Not much, just had some actually decent coffee," Not wanting to think about how the rest of your morning went, you quickly change the subject, "Did y'all hear anything useful?"

     "Oh yes," Karen interjects, "We'll tell you all about it when we get back to camp."

     The ride back is quiet, the afternoon sun through the trees dappling your path in shade. Upon arriving, you quickly look for something to do and settle on chopping wood for tonight's fire, hoping no one bothers you during the meditative task.

     After dinner you retreat to your tent, tossing and turning restlessly in your cot, unable to take your mind off of how Y/N was looking at you earlier after he caught you staring. You thought he would have gotten upset with you, but you were met with a smile. You think you saw a hint of mischief in his eyes but you quickly convince yourself you imagined it.

     You fall asleep cursing yourself for eyeing him the same way you would eye a woman.

//

Thank you so much for reading! This is my first time writing a fic and I can already tell I have a lot to learn. I'm open to constructive criticism, all I ask is that you're nice about it lol let me know what you think about it so far!

Chapter 2

Taglist: @photo1030

[emmalovesfitzloved]

Can you tell me about Fitzloved?

"OH MY GOSH, AM I ABOUT TO INTRODUCE YOU TAYLOR SWIFT?!"

that's what i first meme when i saw your lovely ask! hahahah

Introductions

So its a fandom based on the epic fantasy series that follows for the most part, 2 soulmates, from their childhood all the way to their older years as they grow from friendship, partners to lovers. And I have to admit, the way it's written is almost euphoric. It's utterly lyrical.

So introductions now put aside, 'Fitzloved' is the ship name for "Beloved" (one of his many names) name of the characters and "Fitz". They are the two ongoing protagonists in one of the most respect and wonderful high fantasy series ever created, Realm of the Elderlings by Robin Hobb. They are the main couple shall we say that span the 16 book series. I think a lot describe it as the "mona lisa of fantasy series" within the genre. It's aesthetic is very much evermore meets folklore meets Merlin. Its veryyyyy cozy fantasy and perfect for the season but also the Fall/winter.

The big 5 writers of fantasy rn i have been told are: Brandon's, Robin Hobb's, GRRM (Although he's lost a lot of respect in the community because of his insane hiatus!), Steven Erickson's (Malazan series) and Joe Abercrombie. While you will see with the Cosmere, Brandon is very much straight to the point, prioritises fights, magic system building and very cohesive ensamble casts. Unlike her peers, Robin Hobb on the other hand, is a delicacy. A slowly made dessert that has sweet and salty tastes if you will. And another defining feature is that her series does not involve a massive war at the epicentre of the fantasy plot, which ironically is rare in high fantasy now a days.

Of Cats and Closed Doors by @tragediegh

HOWEVER. The WAY in which i was introduced to this series is kind of dumb and silly, i.e. very me lol. i stumbled across a fiction on ao3 under 'in a the cabin era way' tag and stumbled across @tragediegh's soul-binding, amazing wonderful fiction called Of Cats and Closed Doors that is still ongoing and she updates mostly weekly! At first, not joking i thought it was an original work, but only well into crying, loving, reading, laughing, did i realise when i looked better at the tags it was actually based on ROTE lol. I was new to ao3 that's my only defence :P

And what @tragediegh and Hobb are doing probably tell from my handle, is make literally my roman empire. Like I reread chapters everyday before going to sleep. It's fr fr my safe space. and what i love is the maturity in which they both write, as they create stakes in different ways. She creates a very tangible atmosphere, a world you can touch, the foods cooked, how they smell, and what the character's rely on. From banquet halls, to the wood carvings the Fool leaves behind, the well lit fireplaces, mugs of ale and coffee on the table, through jewels adorned, to how the dragons gleaming like jewels in the sky… it's simply amazing. You get me. There is NEVER a moment where you feel like it's a slog or dull moment. Like I did sometimes while reading the Stormlight Archive or Outlander (those books in their defence, are longer individually).

And like I said, the thing I LOVE the most with how they make us and fall in love with Fool (one of the protagonists) through the eyes of naive and a socially sometimes challenged Fitz. Fitz himself, is the most passionate, handsome, humble hero i've ever read. He is a bastard prince who from day 0 was neglected, abused, unwanted, un-named, manipulated, gaslit just all around most traumatised character one could read. Which most people end up overlooking and resenting bc he is riddled with insecurities (despite him being a hotttie hot chiseled smokie pie that everyone wants to cuffff) and developed unhealthy copying mechanisms that can effect the readability of the main series. Which is entirely relatable. I strongly believe the hero of Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson that everybody loves, is heavily inspired by Fitz in ROTE. In fact I think Brandon said it was one of his fav series.

But really, the masterpiece of this world is obviously the Fool. When I look at the other characters, its a bit like watching a glorious puppet show - I can see how the strings are moving and what the puppets are made of…But not so with the Fool, he is an infinite mystery and creating a character like that is something I`ll never be able to get out of my head. he is other worldly. Put Tolkien fae and beautiful faeries to shame with his grace, elegance, mysticism. His story with Fitz (the other main character) with that @tragediegh and Hobb are doing imo is one of the greatest love stories of all time.

Gender Identity

And I think also, Fool (also known as Beloved to a special someone 😉) is a lgbtq+ individual, and their identity and how they chose to present and address themselves daily (and not address it!) plays a massive role in the ROTE/OCACD overall. It extremely realistic, how it's writen, where for the most part some characters are confused, don't know how to navigate the topic. Which isn't helped by how private and mysterious the Fool remains. But for the most part, is heart warming, as the gender fluidity of the Fool is openly accepted by his mate (YES MATE) with open arms as he accepts it, and it's got me CRYINGGGG as i type this fr....! These characters were created pre-2000's, which just goes to show how timeless these gender questions and acceptances really are i think!

Music

CANON FOR ME swiftie songs that are FOR fitzloved to get a feel r:

ur loosing me

my tears ricochet

invisible string

stay don't go

the lakes

mastermind (YASSS beloved go manipulate ur boy fitzieee ily)

dress (as of chapter 48 and beyond hopefully alkdfjalkdjfj)

and Fitz's song for me for ever will be:

i see fire live and in session by ed sherran (i just feel the literal passion that fitz has through this song not to mention the howl XD)

Conclusion

So yeah, I cannot recommend enough this ongoing story and series to you.

TLDR: Fitzloved is a ship i read myself to sleep every night and cry about how amazing they are XD

Feel free to ask any more questions about them or even my favourite artists that do ROTE work bc ngl this post was 2x as long as i included artistic work but it was getting too long so i decided to leave that for a more specific ask :)) As you can tell i can just dedicate entire evenings singing from the top of these crusty english rooftops how amazing and life changing these two silly beans are. I hope this was enough of a good overview of my love for them and why! :)) Hopefully one day you will give it a go, and i swear your life will be changed for ever ! <333

[mayhemchicken-varneyposting]

Varney the Vampire, Chapter 21: Now Sea Here Young Man

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Charles takes his uncle into a private room to explain the situation with Flora and the vampire. Admiral Bell, who persists in thinking a vampire is a kind of mermaid, spends a lot of time bantering and arguing with Charles before he's finally able to get the full explanation out. The admiral agrees with Charles' decision to stand by Flora wholeheartedly, and tells Charles that if he had not done so then he, the admiral, would have married Flora himself.

Their conversation is interrupted by the sound of a scream. Both of them rush towards the sound at the same time and jam up the doorway like cartoon characters, so Henry is the first to arrive on the scene. Flora has fainted, and Varney has escaped the scene by smashing through a full-length window.

Flora is revived by splashing some water on her, and receives a somewhat jarring introduction to Admiral Bell. She tells them that Varney has been in the house, and urges Henry to leave the place and let Varney have it. Marchdale, who is also here, takes Flora's side, while Charles and Admiral Bell want to duel him. Marchdale passive-aggressively threatens to leave again, but Henry and the admiral manage to restore peace. Everyone except Flora leaves for the parlor to hold a council of war. Meanwhile, George is off running errands and missed the entire chapter.

The story reaches new Looney Tunes heights in this chapter. In addition to Varney crashing through a window and Charles and the admiral getting jammed up in a doorway, the chapter is packed to the brim with humorous banter, mostly between the admiral and Charles. I continue to enjoy their dynamic. It feels natural, a lot more natural than any of the other relationships Rymer has written so far.

Charles claims his reason for returning to England early as literal lovesickness. This sounds ridiculous to me, although I can't help but wonder - this story was written some 30 or so years before the advancement of germ theory. Did Rymer think this was a plausible thing that could happen? (Equally possible is that Charles is being melodramatic. He's 21 and we already know he has a penchant for theatrics.)

Once Charles has explained the situation to Admiral Bell, he attempts to prepare him to meet Flora, prompting his comic relief uncle to assume the position of incredibly embarrassing older relative.

"I will fetch her, uncle."

"Ah, do; I'll be bound, now, she's one of the right build—a good figure-head, and don't make too much stern-way."

"Well, well, whatever you do, now don't pay her any compliments, for your efforts in that line are of such a very doubtful order, that I shall dread to hear you."

"You be off, and mind your own business; I haven't been at sea forty years without picking up some out-and-out delicate compliments to say to a young lady."

"But do you really imagine, now, that the deck of a man-of-war is a nice place to pick up courtly compliments in?"

"Of course I do. There you hear the best of language, d——e! You don't know what you are talking about, you fellows that have stuck on shore all your lives; it's we seamen who learn life."

This colorful back-and-forth is interrupted by a scream from Flora, but the tension of the plot is not enough to dislodge Admiral Bell from his niche as a cartoon character.

In their efforts to leave the room, the uncle and nephew for about a minute actually blocked up the door-way, but the superior bulk of the admiral prevailed, and after nearly squeezing poor Charles flat, he got out first.

The next sentence I am pasting in purely to make fun of.

Charles fancied correctly enough at once that it proceeded from the room which was called "Flora's own room," and thitherward accordingly he dashed at tremendous speed.

If gifted writers are "silver-tongued", then Rymer's tongue is Tupperware plastic.

Mrs. Bannerworth sat down on the edge of the sofa which was in the room, and could only wring her hands and weep.

Mrs. Bannerworth is in this chapter too! She didn't make it into my summary because she doesn't actually do anything, a constant issue in this text. Given the way Rymer writes middle-aged women, however, this treatment may actually be doing her a kindness.

Varney isn't in this chapter, but even his absence is a show-stealer.

"D—n me, and he's gone, too, and carried half the window with him. Look there!"

It was literally true; the window, which was a long latticed one, was smashed through.

Absolutely incredible exit, 10/10 very dignified. The great and terrifying vampyre everybody.

The cartoonery doesn't stop, as the admiral is at the top of his game in this chapter.

Flora opened her eyes timidly as the said— "Has it gone?"

"Yes, yes, dear," said Charles. "Look around you; here are none but true friends."

"And tried friends, my dear," said Admiral Bell, "excepting me; and whenever you like to try me, afloat or ashore, d—n me, shew me Old Nick himself, and I won't shrink—yard arm and yard arm—grapnel to grapnel—pitch pots and grenades!"

"This is my uncle, Flora," said Charles.

"I thank you, sir," said Flora, faintly.

You can really feel the "wtf" energy radiating from Flora.

Flora, in her plea for the family to flee Bannerworth Hall, says something that highlights the weird gendering of vampire attacks in the story:

"Why should you allow yourselves to risk a personal encounter with such a man, who might be glad to kill you that he might have an opportunity of replenishing his own hideous existence from your best heart's blood?"

"Your best heart" refers to Flora. Men are not potential victims of the vampire, they are obstacles standing in his path to his true victim, Beautiful Young (White) Maidens. The worst they have to fear is just that the vampire will kill them, and not even in a cool "tearing the jugular out with one's teeth" way. There is not ONE throat ripped out in this whole damn 650k word text! Not one! What is the POINT, I ask you? Bite the men, Varney! There's perfectly good blood in there you're letting go to waste!

...Ahem. Where was I?

"His strength is immense," said Marchdale. "I tried to seize him, and I fell beneath his arm as if I had been struck by the hammer of a Cyclops."

"A what?" cried the admiral.

"A Cyclops."

"D—n me, I served aboard the Cyclops eleven years, and never saw a very big hammer aboard of her."

"What on earth is to be done?" said Henry.

"Oh," chimed in the admiral, "there's always a bother about what's to be done on earth. Now, at sea, I could soon tell you what was to be done."

I don't have much to say about this bit, I just liked the jokes. Dumb wordplay always gets me.

"It is true," remarked Henry, "we dare not, even holding all the terrible suspicions we do, take his life."

"By foul means certainly not," said Charles, "were he ten times a vampyre."

You poor buffoons would not last ten minutes against Dracula.

Charles has been steadily trending away from his earlier position of reasonable doubt regarding vampires, and towards a more hard-line skepticism. This seems to be partially fueled by a strong desire to face Varney in a duel, and a need to justify such a course of action - dueling an immortal and supernaturally enhanced vampire would be extremely foolish, after all. His expression of doubt is met by an odd defensiveness from Marchdale.

"I cannot, however, believe that he is so invulnerable as he is represented."

"No one represents him here," said Marchdale. "I speak, sir, because I saw you glance at me."

Which is followed, of course, by yet another passive-aggressive threat to leave.

"For some reason," added Marchdale, in a tone of emotion, "what I say seems to fall always badly upon Mr. Holland's ear. I know not why; but if it will give him any satisfaction, I will leave Bannerworth Hall to-night."

What really peeves me about these sequences is how immediately all the other characters take Marchdale's side, when to me he is always the one being the most unreasonable. You're leaving because...why? Charles looked at you funny? Grow up, Marchdale. You're like twice his age.

Flora is left out of the war council for being Female, which I maintain is a fatal mistake on our heroes' part not only because of the sexism, but because Flora is easily the most competent of them all by a mile. (Then again, this is probably because her never taking part in the action means she doesn't have to be handed the idiot ball again and again the way the other characters do.)

George is also left out of the war council, as he left to go fetch Chillingworth. This is foreshadowing for when he later disappears from the narrative entirely.

Next: Maybe they ought to have called it a waffle council actually

[tetrakys]

I'm sorry it's been a hot minute since I interacted with the fandom but what is happening with Eldarya??? Also what is call of the dragon?? 👀

Oh boy anon... where to start?!

Let me try to draw a timeline...

1. The company decided to cut Eldarya in two seasons, move Lance's introduction as LI to season 2, remove other LIs and give the game to another creator since around episode 22 of TO. Since then Chino has stopped working on Eldarya and, this is my personal opinion, the person who took over had no interest in romance because since then the only romantic interactions we've had in Eldarya have been a few random sex scenes. No deep dialogues, no dates, no cuddling, not even kissing except maybe one or two exceptions and this has continued all the way through season 2.

2. In March 2021 the company hosting Beemoov's servers in Europe caught fire. Beemoov's servers were destroyed, fortunately most backups were in another building so all their games and accounts were saved except for... you guess it, Eldarya. All European language accounts were lost and the american and brazillian servers were the only ones who got spared. We all lost our accounts and the company had to come up with a way to bring people back to the game. They created a new free currency for TO and opened a shop for a few months. This led to the first season becoming completely unprofitable, plus lots of people never came back since then. Mostly old players who used to spend money on their collections.

3. New games started to be developped, Uncoven and Henri's Secret season 2. The "new" Eldarya creator went off to write Uncoven at the same time as still being theoretically in charge of Eldarya. The company started to recycle events mechanics both in MCL and Eldarya so everyone has been unhappy with events in both games because they are extremely repetitive since basically two years.

4. ANE's writing has gone more and more downhill. It'd started decently but because the writer was new and had no idea what happened in TO nor what were Chino's characters backhrounds and history, the story is full of plot holes, contraddicting things all the time and all the characters' personalities have changed. It reads like a different game.

5. Lots of people have left, very few are playing the game at this point, and even less are spending money on it, so it's very very obvious that the company is just letting it die, the game is often bugged and the art quality is a hit or miss. Only 2 episodes are left at this point. Fans who still cling to it are angry. Fans who abandoned are sad. No one wants to play ANE anymore but lots of people wish there was a revamp of the game once ANE ends, with good writing and art. However, because the game isn't making money right now the company won't invest in something that is not profitable.

This is it I think 🤔

About your last question, Eldarya: the Dragon's Call is a story I'm writing and publishing on my AO3. The main plot is Chinomiko's and we brainstorm together all events and characters' backgrounds and personalities. This is the story of Lance's route and Valkyon’s routes if she were to make Alternate Eldarya games. Because at the moment this isn't planned I asked her if I could write it and share it with people and she kidly said yes. If the company ever decides to make Alternate Eldarya games I will delete it. If you want to read this story, links are in the pinned post in my blog, I've released 4 chapters so far and the 5th is coming this weekend ☺️

[carica-ficus]

Review: "Gideon the Ninth"

Author: Tamsyn Muir

Date: 03/12/2023

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

________________________________________________________

I'm going to be honest, I completely forgot I had to write a review for this book, which is weird for me because, first and foremost, I love writing reviews for the books I read and, second, I love writing reviews for the books I loved. But I found myself at a stalemate with this one, mostly because I'm not sure what to say. There's a lot of things to appreciate in "Gideon the Ninth", and I'm a little intimidated by the fact I have to try and do them justice in this short text. Still, I'm going to try.

"Gideon the Ninth" follows the story of a necromancer, Harrowhark Nonagesimus, and her cavalier, Gideon Nav, as they embark on a journey to the First House where Harrow has to find a way to ascend to Lyctorhood (which is something like becoming necromancer supreme). Of course, they're not the only ones who partake in the assignment - they are joined by the representatives of the other seven houses who are there for the same goal. Harrow and Gideon are forced to find the answer, while at the same time trying to best the others at the same game. They soon find out that a lot more is at stake than they originally thought, and the tension only grows as all of them realize they are also being hunted by someone or something.

The book starts off relatively slow, with a very long introduction which spaces off into multiple chapters. A gradual beginning might not interest every reader, but it proves crucial for this story. Muir carefully constructs the basis for her novel, at first offering little insight to all the numerous characters. By choosing Gideon as her narrator for the book - a character who is genuinely confused by the setting and isn't interested in dull formalities - Muir manages to portray everything in a very laic manner. Hence, the reader learns about the world and its characters at the same pace as the lead.

Furthermore, this also allows the reader to develop a strong connection with Gideon, whose laid back, facetious personality offers a lot of room for the reader to relate to her. She presents a stark contrast to Harrow, a focused and stubborn necromancer, which Muir consequently uses to create an interesting and exciting dynamic between them. Their relationship is a perfect blend of planned versus impulsive, where Harrow will act out of intelligence, and Gideon out of curiosity or instinct.

Characters are definitely Muir's specialty, and it is evident on her writing how much time and effort she puts into them. Even though all the side characters are also necromancers accompanied by their cavaliers, every pair offers a different dynamic. Moreover, every pair comes from a different planet, so their personalities, behavior and gestures directly add onto the worldbuilding in a way which is not forced, but still informative enough. On the other hand, sometimes the characters felt a little too over the top, feeling like a projection of an archetype, rather than lifelike peple. But I digress, in this specific novel it is more of an advantage, than a drawback.

The story structure is not revolutionary, nor is the idea behind it, but it is presented in an interesting and refreshing way. Similarly, there are a few cliché moments, especially between Gideon and Harrow, but they are incredibly well written, so they don't feel lax. Instead, they offer an exciting and emotional scene which only benefits from the use of a popular trope. Muir has an astounding ability to present something that has already been seen in a new light, which gives "Gideon the Ninth" a nostalgic and familiar note, without making it too analogous to other works of fiction.

High stakes, tension, and action definitely don't lack in this book. Even though the beginning is somewhat timid, the growing build up of mystery manages to completely overthrow the initial dreariness. There's quite a few well thought-out fight scenes, layered with striking moves and exciting moments. The very end of the book features an extensive, flashy final fight that spreads out onto dozens of pages. Needless to say, it is a perfect finish for such an thrilling novel and won't leave any reader unmoved.

I had very high expectations from "Gideon the Ninth" and I must say, it didn't disappoint. What's more, this is one of my absolutely favorite books I read throughout 2023. It offers so much, from an interesting story to a riveting resolution, but its gorgeous, compelling and engaging characters are undeniably its greatest asset. I warmly recommend it to anyone looking for an unforgettable sci-fi story packed with action and peppered with good, honest humor.

[the--artist]

The Importance of an arc, and how it impacts the chances of survival in Danganronpa

Spoilers for DR1, DR2, and V3 below! Proceed at your own risk!

During the prologue, we get an amazing opportunity to meet 16 (or 15) students and learn about their talent. We gain a sense of their personality and as players - we get attached to these characters. However, not every character has an equal chance of surviving - something I only truly understood after seeing my favorite DR1 character being brutally mutilated by an ambulance during her execution in ch3. But why? Why couldn't Celestia Ludenburg be a survivor? 

We’ve all heard of the Danganronpa character trends such as the big guy dying in ch4, closest to the player dying in ch1, evil ch3 blackeneds, crazy deaths in ch5, etc. I just wanted to share some opinions on other trends I noticed between the surviving cast and the deaths in the game!

Characteristics of Survivors

In my opinion, survivors mostly fall into two categories: characters who go through sudden development ( in ch2,3, or 4) and characters who aren’t as threatening. I’m not using the words threatening to portray physical or mental capacities, but more on their chances of taking the chance at being blackened. In the first category, survivors such as Toko, Byakuya, Kyoko, Akane, Fuyuhiko, Maki, and Himiko fall. In the second, characters such as Mokoto, Hiro, Kazuichi, Hajime, and Shuichi fall into this category. Aoi and Sonia are both interesting cases. Aoi does try to murder the entire class in 1-4 but mostly falls into the second category. Sonia had the potential to pull a “Tsumugi” plot twist with her slight fascination with darker topics, yet being “light” and bubbly - however doesn’t follow through. 

Eccentric Introduction + no initial arc build-up  [Mondo, Celeste, Teruteru, Peko, Gundhum, Kirumi, Korekiyo, Gonta]

Don't lie and tell me you looked at Peko Pekoyama - the Ultimate Swordswomen - and said she could be a survivor. 

This category is for characters who had no initial arc set-up and had an unnatural/ominous/threatening personality. It’s also interesting to note that, not purposefully, my list only includes blackeneds [However characters such as Gudhum and Gonta could have easily been victims]. Characters who fall into the “darker side” tend to have an increased chance of dying. However, characters who fall into this “darker side” and who are almost immediately set up with arcs can survive [Shuichi, Kyoko, and Maki]. All three also go through a phase of normalization where their personalities grow “more human”. 

While I have a great respect for this arcetype as a couple of my favorites fall in here, there was much potential for interesting arcs with these characters. Kirumi could have had an arc to determine the limits of her selfless devotion. Gundhum could have had a cute love story with Sonia (that wasn’t JUST set up in 2-4 but earlier). Fuyuhiko could have had an arc that involved showing more appreciation for Peko (not only at the end of 2-2). Such arcs could have added depth to the characters (besides being threatening) before their imminent deaths or maybe subverted the expectations for the player.

"How can a character recover from this arc?" [Taka, Hifumi, Imposter, Nagito, Rantaro, Angie, Kokichi]

Once a character makes a remark they want to STOP the killing game – and it’s not chapter 6, you know they're going to die. When the Imposter and Rantaro make this claim, they automatically raise death flags. Kaede goes through a similar arc with trying to stop the mastermind, but her actions go unnoticed mainly because she is the main character.  

Mid-way through the games, certain arcs also start raising death flags as well. Nagito, Kokichi, and Angie try to end the killing game before the 6th chapter, which can automatically raise flags to the player. However, both Nagito and Kokichi get some wiggle room as they both go on their own accord as well as progress their games significantly with their deaths. Taka and Hifumi’s arc in 3-1 with alter ego automatically degrades their chances of survival, making them an easy target for Celeste.

If I could make some changes, I would make Taka learn how to deal with Mondo’s death instead of killing him at the height of Kiyondo (still keeping him as a ch3 death). I do agree with the majority of the fandom that Taka should have survived longer than ch3 and had a STRONG potential as a survivor, but that’s meant for a rewrite for another day. While Taka’s Kiyondo arc works as a great method for Celeste’s plan, I still think Taka would have agreed to meet up in the morning regardless if he was at the “height” of his Kiyondo arc or not. There was no way the mentally unstable Kiyondo could survive a chapter without having an arc dealing with Mondo’s death, so why not give him a slight arc for that anyway! Angie’s involvement with building the student council should have started more strongly in ch2 - especially since she was already involved with Himiko’s magic show and Gonta’s Insect Meet and Greet! The council should have been formed BEFORE Ryoma’s death with ch3’s motive just increasing the council’s power over the students. If such a change happened, then Angie would have been more predictable as a death in ch2 (but survived), and would have allowed the council to gain some interesting footing as well. Angie founding the council AND working on the ritual in one chapter just nosedives her chances for survival - even if this wasn’t the reason she was killed in the first place!

Spotlighting some of my favorite character arcs! (deaths) [Chihiro, Mahiru, Mikan, Nekumaru, Chiaki, Rantaro, Kaede, Ryoma, Tenko, Kaito]

I wanted to take this section to highlight some arcs I enjoyed! They either had the potential to be done well or were done well, in my opinion. I can’t speak for everyone on this list, but I’ll choose three: Ryoma, Chihiro, and Kaede. 

Ryoma is a character who could have easily had an arc on dealing with the tragedies of the past, but learning how to move forward. Himiko has a similar arc dealing with the deaths of Tenko and Angie, but Ryoma had a great setup! Shuichi mentions Ryoma’s lingering eyes on the tennis court in his lab hinting that Ryoma deeply misses his talent regardless of his actions. Ryoma also supports Kokichi’s idea for revealing everyone’s motive. Regardless, going over the transcript of DRV3 gave me an appreciation for his character and his potential. I just wish Ryoma’s will for survival was highlighted a little more during the game, so it could make his death more surprising to the audience. Shuichi could have had some additional thoughts by picking up on Ryoma’s will to live before it was word-by-word explained to us in a trial! Ryoma’s death could have also been great moral ground for Himiko after ch3’s trial when she’s placed in a similar situation as Ryoma - losing the people you love the most and guilt. 

When I’m talking about Chihiro’s arc, I’m also involving alter ego. After witnessing Leon’s brutal execution, Chhiro starts to comment on wishing to grow stronger. First - they start to compliment Kyoko (and Mondo in their FTE’s) and then wish to grow stronger by going to the gym. While it does raise death flags for Chihiro’s character suddenly getting developed, it also gives their character the chance to pull a survivor card. While I do dislike Mondo in general, I have to admit his story does tie nicely with Chihiro’s and they have a great contrast in 1-2. After Chihiro’s laptop gets discovered in 1-3, Chihiro’s characterization and “arc” are still built upon. Chihiro was incredibly intelligent to work on a way to escape starting in ch2 and create an alter ego. They also realized that they wouldn’t survive, but STILL DECIDED TO HELP!

“I see... To be honest, I knew all along... I knew the chances that Master would survive this situation were very low... So...I was prepared for this moment..."

Overall, I could talk on and on about how great Chihiro’s character is. But the way their arc transfers over PAST their death was a stroke of genius by Kodaka. 

I always go back and forth between Kaede’s arc. While I do want to post a rewrite of her in the long run, I do think her arc was handled well for the - one chapter - she was in. Kaede would fall into the “How can a character recover from this arc” section if she wasn’t the main character. When going through her actions with Shuichi - from setting up a trick to stop the mastermind, talking about the mastermind, and ending the killing game - as the player, it’s obvious that this plan won’t work 100% in the first chapter. But, because of Kaede being the main character, it’s harder to catch up on the death flags she’s waving. While her arc of catching the mastermind and helping Shuichi realize his potential/worth helps set the rest of the story into motion, her arc is also incredibly memorial to the player. I understand the argument that her arc only being covered by her main character's protection is weak, but I believe that this being the basis of her arc and STILL fooling players is what makes it so strong!

Hopefully, you enjoyed this analysis! If you have any thoughts you’d like to share, feel free to in the “Ask me Anything!” tab! I do plan on posting more analyses in the future!

[polyamoryisbestgirl]

Rosario Vampire Review

When I was a teenager, I used to stay home sick to watch "Rosario Vampire" on Netflix. I fell in love with the show, it's what really got me into the romance genre; and more specifically the harem genre. 

Years later, I decided to revisit it by reading the manga. To my disappointment, the anime is much better; and to your disappointment, this review will be focusing on the Manga.

TLDR: Rosario Vampire is a decent manga with subpar romance and middle of the road action and comedy

Summary: My favourite loser Tsukune Aono, after failing the entrance exam of most high schools, ends up enrolled into the mysterious Yokai Academy, a monster academy where he is the only human! Will he be able to survive the school year without anyone finding out? And which of these hot monster girls will he date?

Romance: The romance is infrequent and often surface level; and it's mostly just between Tsukune and Moka Akashiya, a vampire he meets on the first day. The other girls - Kurumu Kurono, Yukiri Sendo, and Mizore Shrayuki - often show their affection, but Tsukune never sees them as anything other than friends. The main focus seems to be more about the action rather than romance. 

Action: The fights tend to boil down to waiting until the strongest character gets there then the fight is over. In the first two volumes, that character was the Moka that is sealed in the rosarie, but after the third volume Tsukune gets some powers of his own, and the two tend to both have the role. Even then, most of the time the fight is won in a single hit, leaving much to be desired

Rosario Vampire was first published for Shonen Jump as one chapter per issue, which is so baked into the manga's structure that it shapes how the story is told. Everything is done very quickly, as most problems appear and disappear within a chapter or two, and introductions are done multiple times for readers jumping into the midpoint. While this by itself is not a bad thing, where Rosario Vampire goes wrong is a lack of character development and build to the romance - both caused by a rigid formula of "meet problem and kick it in the face".

The character development, or lack thereof, is what really bogs down the whole story - especially Tsukune's feelings of not wanting to ask for help. As a human in a school of monsters, it is understandable that he would feel weak and isolated. As you read further, you see that Tsukune is quite talented at being honest with both his words and actions. He even gets combat strength once he gets some vampire powers, yet still mopes about how he can't protect people. Multiple chapters end with one of Tsukune's suitors telling him outright that they want to be relied on and he should talk to them about his problems, for it all to be gone by the next chapter. Rosario Vampire wants the reader to see Tskune as a cool character, but even after getting power, and more used to the school, he still mopes about being a loser. The most notable time is near the end when - even after everyone puts together their energy to save the school and the world - only one chapter later, Tsukune wonders if he really protected anyone at all - simply because he needed help to do so. 

The romance, as previously stated, is very light. More of a frosting to the cake rather than a well-integrated part of the manga. I had hoped for more of it, as this is a work that heavily influenced the harem genre, and the first chapter is when Moka and Tsukune meet and form a bond. 

Most episodes do include one of the suitors, most often Kurumu, being very hands-on with Tsukune with no extra development. There is no real building of the relationships. The only chapters that focus on it, aside from those not introducing a new love interest, are the last two chapters of the entire manga - where they celebrate at the school festival. Tsukune doesn't see anyone but Moka as potential romantic partners, leaving the rest of the suitors trying to get any attention just to be left in the dust.

But the worst part is the story. A few times, the problem is only there for a volume but taints the rest of the series, such as the fascist tone the manga has around the outcast "half-bloods" fighting for better treatment. The catchphrase of the sealed Moka being "know your place"  gets put into a new worse light. 

There are other problems that plague the entire manga. The sexualization of high schoolers and the most common threat being that of sexual assault will make a lot of people reasonably have a hard time reading Rosario Vampire. Even without these, the story can't stand on its own, only being there to build to the next fight.

Rosario Vampire is better than the sum of its parts, all of them being below average at best. If you want a quick story to read then it would not be the worst option. The beginning and the last two chapters are where it is best, look past the flaws and enjoy a silly story underneath. I avoided talking about the anime in this review because I wanted to have the manga stand up on its own merits, and lack thereof. I would recommend it over the manga as it improves a lot of the aspects. Even with the flaws in the anime it is worth watching for fans of the harem genre and newcomers alike.

[nestavadavat]

Nests "Oh god how to get my long fix actually plotted" Guide for the Damned

If you’re someone like me who’s wanted to write a long-fic but has had a really hard time this is the guide for you.

So the main problem I encountered while trying to plot out fics was that I didn't know what plot points I should meet! When we’re young y’know you’re taught the beginning-middle-end type of story structure, maybe a basic version of the hero's journey. If you don’t already know that follows the;

Exposition > Inciting Incident > Rising action > Climax > Falling action > Conclusion

Now at least for me it was kind of hard to use this for fics! Mostly because this isn’t a structure built for romances! The structure I’m showing you I found from this article which I built on! Feel free to just go wild with this structure honestly!

(PS you can also use the hero's journey as outlined by this article but I don't particularly find that layout helpful!)

So here’s your rundown! Long read ahead!

(BIG TEXT) The Hook

Meet the protagonists, give your story a theme, etc! Now because I’m adapting this for fic, you actually have less work to do here. But let's say you’re doing an AU, you need to establish to your readers what situation your characters are in! What's their everyday like, what's the new change in their life that makes your story relevant?

You’ll also want to set up your issues! Maybe you’re writing about Dean Winchester, you’ll want to establish his daddy issues to come up later. If you have a twist in mind this is where you’ll want to lay your little crumbs.

Inciting Incident

Whats changing? This is where your characters should meet properly. Now’s when you establish their dynamics.

Are they enemies at first? Maybe they’re instantly making heart eyes at each other. The article I’m basing this on says it should be about 9,500 words, but you may not want this, so generally it should probably be in the same chapter as your introduction to the character/s. Maybe have it continue into the second one. This is your setup!

Plot Point 1

Our article talks about how your characters should be “stuck” together. You can do this literally or figuratively depending on how quickly you want them together. This just means you want to give your characters a reason to be together. Maybe they’re roommates now, they’re trapped in an elevator, or they’re working together.

At this point personally I’d want to have your characters starting to be attracted to each other if they aren’t already! You want to start giving your readers those swoony type moments where they want the characters to get together! Also define what the characters want, or give hints. Do they want a relationship or are they focused on something else? (Already have in your mind whether or not they’re going to get to that goal or change their mind)

“Pinch Point” 1

Now’s when you start getting into conflict. Now this could be internal or external conflict.

Is someone keeping them apart? Is one character too afraid to go into a relationship? This is also when you maybe want their first kiss, or a semblance of something building between them. They should start falling in love/being drawn more to the other character.

Maybe they share a moment, or complete that work project, maybe they carpool home together after something! Just give them reasons to be together and reasons for that established conflict and goals to come up.

Midpoint

Boom something new just happened. Our article tells us that this can be formed in a false-high or false-low. This should be when at least one character solidly admits (even if just to themselves) that they’re in love with the other character.

A false high means that it seems like everything is going super good, trick your readers! Maybe your characters sleep together or they have a touching moment. You definitely want this route to seem like an endgame where they're all happy.

A false low means that your readers should be thinking “oh my goodness how are my blorbos supposed to come back from this”. Maybe that love confession goes poorly, or they get in a big argument, or something goes poorly with one of their goals!

“Pinch Point” 2

More problems!!! This relates back to your characters conflict you set up in the beginning. Maybe they need to make a big choice related to their goal or something from their past comes up. Maybe your characters are getting closer still but this conflict should be brewing.

Your character should be nervous about their relationship because of these conflicts. This should blend into the midpoint, so these conflicts are starting to arise during for false-high or false-low and maybe creating a strain on this newfound love.

Plot Point 2

More stakes! Your characters really can’t catch a break! This is when that thing your character was afraid of actually does happen! Maybe there's a misunderstanding, or their plans fall through. The article says that this is the moment when your character should be going “i knew better than this”.

This is when your readers should really really think that there's no way the characters can come back from this. Maybe they call it off or split up because of all this not-so-sexual tension created. The characters have to chose between wanting the relationship or being afraid (and its super heartbreaking and compelling when they chose fear btw)

The Crisis

Now your characters need to choose. Is it worth it? The answer to this for your main character is usually “yes”. This is when they should start looking for their solution to their big problems and start learning and changing. (Character arcs <33)

The Climax

Yay they got back together! Your theme has been explored, and their problems are solved/being solved. Usually this means a big gesture like a love confession, a proposal, something big and dramatic that makes your heart ache. Your readers should go feral rn!

The End

Now’s when everything gets tied together. All of your characters big plans come together. You may want to timeskip forward to show us their lives. Happily ever after and all!!!

———

Thank you for reading all this! Just as some ending notes, a lot of these points probably blend into each other. Also feel free to mix these around, this was mostly a way for me to really get this into my brain so I can practice it more but I hope this also helps other people who may struggle with finding a plot structure for longer romance oriented fics!! :)))

[tw1l1te]

I really LOVE the forgotten hero and how they don't like the Chain. But I have multiple questions. First, Is the Shadow now dead? If yes, why are they still traveling through time? Shouldn't they all be back home? Second, Wtf Wild, Why? Third, Is Reader now a Link with the Hero's Spirit or not? I think not. Fourth, What about Sage's, TotK Link's, journey. After the Nintendo Sage and Wild are the same person so what happened to the Sky Islands? Did they fall down? Or what happened to Dinraal, Naydra and Farosh? They are immortal dragons did they die or did they just leave like a father to get some milk? Fifth, Are they now Wild's descendant like Twilight is from Time or his successor? And how old is Y/N exactly

But I can really imagine Y/N beating the hell out of everyone during sparring matches, Sky included. But I also can see Y/N just wielding the weapons of the Champions and it doesn't break even if they mine with it. Or that Reader has so many magic spells that three whole book shelves are filled.

Love your series to bits I read it like 4 times just to understand Wild and did the others introduce them to Reader? Because you mentioned something like "named Sky" or did Y/N dream that too?

Take your time with the writing, slow and steady wins the race.

Have a good day/ evening/ night.

The gremlin is out!

The shadow is dead physically, not in terms of soul (dark soul?) similar to Hylia.

I needed Wild to have some gremlin energy lmao (also we all now we made him do stupid/funny things)

The reader is not a Link, they're called that for identity protection and just because people that the reader met during their quest mistakingly assumed she/they were Link, so it just kinda stuck.

All of those will come in due time, one way or another! Can't reveal everything in just two chapters >:3c

But yes, Totk will come, a new Link will be introduced again. I'm still figuring out a bunch of plot and character arcs/personalities/names.

5. They call themselves Wild's descendant (again) for identity purposes. The plot is getting more complex by the chapter, so I want to reveal that the reader is not, in fact, related in any sense to the heroes. But that's a story for a later time

The "named Sky" part was because they had briefly gone around and said their nicknames offscreen/offwriting. In addition, Y/n/Link has a few memories from the Chain's combined journey together to defeat the Shadow and picked up the nicknames from that, it was just blurry to see their faces. Y/n can hear conversations during their flashbacks, hence why they kinda know everyone.

I know the reading can be confusing, especially with so much plot jumping around, but it'll be more straightforward once the plot starts! It's mostly world-building and uncomfortable introductions right now.

[jellypenwrites]

Hello Hello! I’ve just realized that I didn’t make an introduction post!

I’m Jay, just a queer dude in their mid 20s, who likes to write a variety of things! I post on kindle vella, mostly because I can get the motivation to work on the next chapter. My writing and reading tastes are all over the place, and I’ve tried dipping my toes into a variety of different genres!

My favorite to write has to be horror, mostly because I find it cathartic, but I also like romance and the way intimacy can build! I have so many notes on my stories of what happens behind the scenes, and I might post some of those along with wips. Extra insight to my characters, and such.

I currently have one serial novel that’s being published, called Pruning Shears and Spades which is available on both Kindle Vella and Fictionate.me! The first three chapters are free to read, so you can see if it’s something you’d like to read to completion!

There is probably going to be an update 1-2 times a month, since I have to pay my editor, but I think that makes it worth it, so my writing is cleaned up and easier to get through!

[andromedaexists]

The Death I Gave Him || Em X. Liu

★★★★★

TW: SELF HARM (ON PAGE, WARNED), SUICIDAL IDEATION, SUICIDE (PAST, MENTIONED), MAJOR + SIDE CHARACTER DEATH

I feel like I need to mention how this book was recommended to me

Now that we know this very relevant background: The Death I Gave Him is one of the most mind meltingly fucked up thing I've read in a while, and I've gotten into erotic horror as of late

It is a queer and sci-fi retelling of hamlet that managed to be even more fucked up than the original, something I didn't think possible. Did it hit the sci-fi mark? Yes absolutely as soon as Horatio was introduced that was a yes. Is it queer? 100% it is because idk how else to describe what happens with Hayden and Horatio. Is it Hamlet??? Absolutely it is Hamlet may not be present by name but good fucking lord is the story interwoven into the very fabric of this book.

This book is also very unique in it's presentation, which I fucking love omg. It starts with a prologue that's less of a prologue and more of an academic introduction into the rest of the book. You see, this book and the recounting of what happened that night in Elsinore Labs is a recreation by a student a hundred years later based on what remaining evidence they have of the events. This is really fucking cool!!! Please give me more books like this!!! Learning about the student and their motivations through footnotes in the book is so fucking awesome!! Seeing where they had evidence for what happened versus where they created a fictional account based on personality, probability, and remaining dialog…. Stunning. Truly.

I also quite loved the interspersing of mediums in this book. We have traditional fictionalized prose mixed in with excerpts from Felicia's article after the events mixed in with readings from Horatio's systems and message logs from Felicia's pager!

It's all just so brilliant.

I'm making the call here to add the spoiler warning because I want to get into the characters a bit, so just be warned [SPOILERS AHEAD]

So, as per Hamlet, the first thing to happen is the death of the King. This time, our King is Dr. Graham Lichfield. A renowned scientist and researcher working on the Sisyphus Formula.

His son is Hamlet, of course. He's known as Hayden in this book and we get to see his descent into madness mostly through other people's (or other AI's) eyes. He is a pathetic man with no spine, just the way Hamlet should be.

Hayden's Uncle is Charles, of course. He didn't work on research with Graham and Hayden, but he does run the labs more or less.

Then we have the security guard: Rasmussen. I think he's supposed to be a stand in for Rosencrantz & Gildenstern, but honestly I read Hamlet back in high school and though I watch it at least once a year (David Tennant is the best Hamlet, I will die on this hill), I don't really ever remember Rosencrantz & Gildenstern. So this is just an educated guess.

From here, we have the Xia's. Felicia Xia and her father, Paul Xia. They are security and they are our Ophelia and Polonius. The brother exists as well in Arthur Xia, however he is not physically in the building and does not show up until literally the last chapter.

That leaves one. Horatio. Also knows as the Elsinore Labs Operating System. He is the AI of the building that has slowly gained consciousness over Hayden's life. He is also intrinsically linked to Hayden after the man turns on his NeuralLink so we know a lot about what's going on in Hayden's head because that's where Horatio resides.

Of course another key player in Hamlet was his mother, and while she is present as a character, she is not physically in the building.

And why do I keep saying physically in the building? Well that's because after the death of Graham; Hayden, Charles, Rasmussen, Paul and Felicia Xia, and Horatio are locked into Elsinore Labs. That's right, this is a locked door thriller.

This book is everything to me, like I am genuinely just so…. god I can't even think of the words for it and I am writing this the day after I finished it!!!

I was on the edge of my seat the entire way through the book, especially when we get lines like these:

It was Hayden Lichfield who I remembered. Not because he was brilliant (though he was), but because he was afraid.

Hayden Lichfield was afraid of death, because he was afraid of failure, and he spent his whole life trying to reverse it.

Hayden was not like me, but he was afraid of the same things that I was, and his fear changed the world.

What we understand of Horatio is inextricably entangled in what we understand of Hayden.

I would haunt you very cautiously. Leave some vague messages alluding to my existential dread in your shower every morning. Nothing special.

The Sisyphus Formula wasn't enough. It was never enough.

Do you want to live because you want to live, or because you're afraid to die?

Then be afraid. I will take you afraid and alive over anything else.

He splits himself open, willing or not, digs fingers into himself, thinks maybe the edges of death are pressing in at the edges, maybe finally he will find repentance here at the end of all things.

Just because you've been a jackass doesn't mean you've messed everything up irrevocably. You'll have good days and shit days and eventually there'll just be days, you know?

I am feral for this book, I am foaming at the mouth. I need to be buried with this book when I die. This book is intrinsically a part of who I am not in the same way that The Teras Trials and Bloom are. It speaks to something in my very soul

Anyways! I think that's really all I can say on this book without writing a whole ass analysis of it (which I would gladly do if people wanted that), so I will leave it here!

[frost-felon]

221 was mostly fine, and 222 was a valley of highs and lows for me. 222 is perhaps one of the chapters that suffers the most from Gege's hardcuts. I would go from, "Are we actually gonna get a better understanding of Kenny's relationship to Tengen?" to 'I love Ino, I hope he has at least a single line of dialogue.' to "'Regulations'. Are these 'higher-ups' or this 'Jujutsu Headquarters' in the room with us right now?" to bemoaning the timeskip, etc, etc.

I'm glad we got some character moments, but knowing that moments like these can't properly stand on their own weight stings. That is, the depth of each character is often held back. I noticed it particularly hard with Maki, whose actions are hard to discern (in comparison to, say, how she acted at her introduction, months prior in the story's timeframe) based on what we're given. The panel I'm discussing, for reference:

As told to some of my friends: "Is she making a light-hearted comment because she's grown fonder of Gojo? Because she's uneasy? Because she wants to lighten the mood? Is she conscious that she's still giving Gojo more credit than she did months ago?

"It's a change from how Maki acted earlier in the story, sure, but not one I can point to with analysis to her character or how her relationship to Gojo has (or hasn't) changed. It's just there."

I am factoring in how Perfect Preparation changed her, her discussions with Noritoshi, and the sumo self-discovery (which was less about Maki, in my opinion, and more about Toji haunting the narrative), but I can't really land on an interpretation for this moment, with evidence provided by earlier chapters. With the ~month-long timeskip, it is impossible for me to know if any of the character interactions I can presume happened with Maki and Gojo led to this. Simply because I can't know what those interactions were, or even how many they had.

So this ends up just being nothing. The bare minimum, and maximum, it does is tell me that Maki has returned to a state of mind where she can 'threaten' some good old-fashioned roughhousing, maybe. There are some bits just a little later that could potentially give me more to go on, but she's largely played as having the same role as at least two other people in the following scenes. There are differences in expression for the "Go get 'em, tiger." scene with Gojo, but Maki doesn't affect anything through her action or inaction, and ends up replaceable, as a result. Though not nearly to the extent of Miwa, who might as well be named "Missing", for all her lack of relevance to...anything.

This is fairly light analysis, damn near a vent post with extra steps, but I do think the short supply of character-building moments throughout the manga cheapens both its characters and its pacing. Culling Games, while having FAR more pressing issues than needing more time to flesh out characters, did suffer from the time-jumps that the first half of the manga was prone to, and I hate to see this story convention return so abruptly and damningly.

[clevercatchphrase]

2023 Year In Review~

at the time of me writing this, it is 8:11pm on tuesday night, january second. Let's see how long it takes me to type this entire thing. I expect no less than two hours. This is gonna be a long one, so I'm gonna put it under a read-more. Proceed only if you dare!

So! Another year down, another begun, and this is my.... 5th? time looking back on my year and assessing what I accomplished and what I did. Lots of changes and new things happened to me this year! Not nearly as many good things as bad! But first I'm gonna dig up my old resolutions list and see how well I did on them. Let's see... for 2023 I had 9 goals, six of which were serious and 3 of which were more casual. those goals were;

Read 12 new books in a year (one book a month)

Finish the Snowdin Arc before Ghost Switch's 5th birthday

Rewrite the 3rd draft of my Nanowrimo project from 2021/22

Write 4 one-shots for BSaPT

Solidify the details of the waterfall arc

The one secret goal

Finish writing the last 4 chapters of Clemency and finally post the dang thing

build a comic buffer of 8 pages, and finally,

write the crack fic

Of these nine goals, I achived... 4 of them, those being reading 12 books, finishing the snowdin arc before june 18th, rewriting my 2021 nanowrimo project, and finalizing the waterfall arc for Ghost Switch. All of these were serious goals, which I am proud of! but it was still less than half, which was a little disappointing. As in past years, I'll go into more detail below:

Read 12 books I BLEW THIS ONE OUT OF THE WATER! the grand total of books I read this year was THIRTY-SIX! three times as many! In fact, I forced myself to stop in order to have more books to read for 2024! Most of the books I listened to this year were through librivox, and mostly on my commute to work. Great way to pass the time! I wrote short little notes about the books I read on a personal discord with only me in it, so let me see if I can just copy and paste all of that here... (all of my original notes will be italicized, while additional thoughts on it now will not be)

1) Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Short, cute! Inspirational. About self actualization. Read by richard Harris. People call this a demonic book?? Apparently a fourth part added in 2014. Look it up later. (Edit; I never did look it up later. there's an audiobook for this on youtube, and while the voice is nice, there is, like, a solid 10 minute segment with a single violin note playing in the background and it is GRATING) 2) fire bed and bone. Ok. Middle of the road. Too focused on people and not the dog, but I get that's the point. it's ~symbolic~. Like the use of no dialogue and no name for the main dog 3) dogs of the spires book 1: reads like fan fiction (derogatory). Sentences go on for 4 or 5 words too long. Used the word orbs for eyes 3 times. Duke is ALWAYS FUCKING GRINNING. Half-brother reveal makes no sense and comes out of nowhere. How… Big/old is Step? Talks waaay too mature for a kid. What happened to Twig? Very tell and not show. Pink foam pink foam pink foam. Why are dogs separated? Hoe do the packs work? Why training? Not given enough to care for characters. Feels like a warrior cat reskin. Too rushed and yet nothing happens at the same time. (I was very curious about post-apocolyptic xenofiction this year, and this was one of the books I could find on the matter, but it's very childishly written and just... bad. Surprisingly, there seems to be a very tiny but dedicated fandom for it on youtube? the series has a fandom wiki anyway...)

4) old granny fox. Very cute! A little repetitive, but passable for a children's novel. Great introduction to xenofiction for kids. Wonderful audio book. 5)the adventures of Sammy Jay. Short sweet also a lot of fun. Both books are Definitely of their time with their usage of the word "queer" as a synonym for "strange/odd"

Now, this is a little known fact about me, but I'm secretly a massive furry. yeah, who could've guessed, right? Anyway, i'm always on the look out for good xenofiction, and when I searched through the "animals" playlist of the librivox youtube channel and stumbled across the books by Thornton W Burgess, I was INSTANTLY enamored. Old Granny Fox, and The Adventures of Sammy Jay were the first two I read/listened to, and was immediately captivated. I MUST give extra props to the narrators of these audiobooks, with some of the more frequent readers for this series doing unique voices for each character, which really added to the charm (Jude Somers and John Lieder particularly come to mind). I WISH I had these books as a kid. I love the way they describe animal behavior and reasoning. While it is anthropomorphized, it never crosses a line into "too" human, if that makes sense. There's another book on this list that is very similar to Burgess' work, with talking animals, but in that book, the animals make and read signs on the doors of their houses, and go to animal tailors to get their clothes fit. this doesn't happen in Burgess' work. Sure, they talk about their homes and the coats they wear, but it's all very intentionally conveying their natural states and habitats in a slightly more human way for us to picture them. Sure, the art on the covers of the books may say otherwise, but it's never depicted that way in the actual text. All their behavior is very animalistic, too, explaining their thoughts and actions in a way that would make sense for a wild forest creature. These books are a little gentle when it comes to the cycle of life. While the predator characters do need to hunt, they are always juuuust out of luck when they are the main character, and the prey characters juuuust manage to escape each time they're the focus. I will definitely be reading more of Burgess' books this year (the man wrote over 170 of them!), but expect quite a few more titles of his to pop up on this list.

6) adventures of jimmy skunk 7)adventures of paddy beaver (not much to say on these two. both were charming, but I feared I would have sounded repetitive if I just kept writing "cute!" in my notes) 8) my father's dragon Short, cute and silly. Listened to the audiobook. Does the physical have pictures? Not really so much about the dragon. Wish there was more after the ending, like what became of the dragon? (I also watched the netflix movie adaptation of this book. I.... could not stand the dragon in the movie. I'm sorry, he's annoying as hell) 9)adventures of buster bear

10)adventures of old mister toad.Favorite one so far. Puts toads in a positive light and describes them as beautiful instead of ugly or gross. [Burgess] Really appreciates all animals and their unique abilities and traits

11) The tale of freddie firefly. Ehh, okay. Not as great as Thorton Burgess' books, but still enjoyable. Not the same 'voice'. (this book was written by Scott Bailey) 12) The adventures of Chatterer the red squirrel. Fine~ Fun. 13) The Fox That Wanted Nine Golden Tales. Funny, short. Would make a good 22 minute short film 14)tale of master meadow mouse. Alright~ why do the animals know what groundhogs day and February are? How does mouse know how to write, and fox to read? Do they wear clothes? Mention a tailor frog. Oars for a raft. Don't like the animals being described as "(color) person". Feels like it's missing an adjective, ie "feathered" or "furred". (This is what I was talking about above. Scott Bailey wrote very similar stories to Burgess, but something was just... off about is writing style. ) 15) the adventures of reddy fox. Okay. Feels like an earlier book. Not as kind as the other ones. (I later looked it up and confirmed this was one of the earlier books in his series, and this one was, like, his tenth ever published one)

16) the adventures of jerry muskrat

17) the tale of doctor Doolittle. Fun! Kiiiiiinda racist in the africa parts, but an overall good time! (I'm more familiar with the Doolittle movies, but was surprised to learn that Doolittle's ability to speak to animals was something he learned with effort and practice, and not a magic power or weird innate ability of his. It was an interesting read!) 18) Nomads of the North. Fun animal romp. I Flinched at the use of "fat" "tar baby" "half breed" and "Indians". First half is mostly about the bear, then a sudden sharp turn to mostly about the dog. Kinda meanders, has no over-arching through-line, conflict or plot. (Apparently a movie was based off of this book, but focused more on the humans than the animals. Eh, it was the 1920s. what can you do) 19)falcons of nerabedla; short sci-fi novella about a bodyswap time traveler. Its… Fine. Not the greatest. A little too confusing and kind of wish they explained things more earlier on. Not really about the falcons. Even for a sci-fi, still pretty sexist in the future.(honestly I don't even know if I should count this as it's own book. I'm pretty sure it was a short story inside a bigger magazine?) 20) south American jungle tales. Enjoyable! Very strong jungle book vibes with a South American flare. The story with the racoon was pretty dark, though. 21) a gryphon's journey. Too fast pace. Characters have a habit of spilling their entire backstories onto arias without prompting. Not enough show, not enough explanation of how the gryphons work. Some aspects completely pushed to the sides, like the satyrs and naugi until the end. Very rushed. The skyhaven arc could have been its own book, the stygagryph arc could have been it's own book. The heron gryph arc could have been it's own book. Not enough time to get to know the characters or care about them. Arias speaks far too maturely for his age, I feel. (Still on a gryphon kick from the last... two years now? Mostly I'm waiting for the fourth book in the Griffin Ranger Series to come out before I read the third. The author said it would come out before the end of 2023, but that date came and went and it still isn't on amazon at the time of writing (which is now 9:26pm, jeez...) I want to read isthmus so bad, but I don't want to wait on a cliffhanger) 22) myths and legends from Alaska. Okay. Feels very white washed and overly simplified. missing nuance. Reader is so deadpan and monotone that the audio book was a slog to get through (One thing I was determined to do for my own enrichment this year was to read more legends and mythologies from other cultures. There are SO MANY cool creatures and monsters and ideas out there, and I just feel so LIMITED by the small amount I know. We humans come up with some of the craziest shit imaginable!) 23) the white czar; a story of a polar bear. Bad, boring, incredibly racist. Barely about the bear at all! 24) the twins of buster bear. Another thornton w. Burges book. Its middle of the road. Certainly not bad, but my least favorite so far. Just kinda dull, and the audio book was horrendous. (honestly if the audiobook wasn't so bad, I wouldn't have disliked it so much, but it was a CHORE to listen to this one. I mean, thank you librivox for doing all this work for free, but is it too much to ask for some sort of vetting process for your volunteer readers??) 25) the wishing stone stories; BEST thornton w burges book so far! I would have been obsessed with this book as a child. Transforming into animals to learn about their ways. Not super PG like the others. The animals hunt and kill and get killed. 10/10

26) lightfoot the leaping goat 27) Toto the bustling beaver. Both alright. Nowhere near as charming as thornton Burgess, but endearing none the less. A little more 4th wall breaking. Toto audio book fun with silly voices, but I don't like the description of "tramps". A little too humanized for me. Lightfoot audio book fucking trash. Almost gave up. (Both of these books were written by Richard Barnum, another children's xenofiction writer of the time, but I quickly came to realize that his writing style is just not for me. I listened to a handful of his books too, this year, but they left me feeling uncomfortable more often than not because common attitudes of the time period reeeeeally show through his work.) 28) the adventures of poor misses quack. How do these qualify as adventures. She lands in a pond, dumps her backstory for 60 percent of the book, finds her mate and lives happily ever after. Not very strong, not very adventurous. 29) Mother West Wind "When" Stories; a lot of fun, charming, Aesop fable-esque. Fun mythology for children. A little too much peter rabbit, but I understand why he's there 30) the adventures of tamba the tame tiger. Yeahhhh, this series isnt my thing. A little too humanized, and the audio book is fuck GARBAE. (Pretty sure I meant to say "fucking garbage" there, but "fuck garbae" is funnier)

31) joust 32) alta 33) sanctuary All really good! All revolve around dragons and their usage and care. The books are a liiiiiitle too serendipitous, with the right thing always happening at the right time. Vetch/kuron doesn't "fail" enough. Second book is the best so far because the magi are a legitimate threat and it feels like time is running out so they must always stay one step ahead. (All written by Mercedes Lackey, all about dragon husbandry with a nice Egyptian flare! Check them out! But... maybe skip Aerie, the last in the series. It's not really worth it.) 34)aerie weakest one. Ahketen was absolutely unbearable and I didn't like the literal deus ex machina at the end with the actual gods coming down to help. Final ranking in order from best to worst; 2)alta, 1)joust, 3)sanctuary and 4)aerie. 35) the adventures of johnny chuck. Fun, average. Simple but doesn't need to be complicated. First of the thornton books ive read where the main character forms a family with children as the main focus 36) blacky the crow. Fun and charming as always. Feels a little simpler than the others with only 3 main mini stories, two of which involve stealing eggs. I wonder if I can find a box set of these books. (Aaaand that wraps up all the books I read this year! 15 of them were from thornton w burgess, and I hope to read even more from him this year! If you know of Burgess' books, tell me your favorites! I'd love to discuss them with someone~)

2.WHOO! the time is now 9:50, and I am just starting on talking about my second goal, which was to finish the snowdin arc of Ghost Switch before its 5th birthday. I did this! I did this exactly on june 18th! (for public readers, anyway. Anyone on my patreon got the page early, but a one week difference isn't much in the grand scheme of things.) I also get to say that I passed the Snowdin Test this year! "What is the Snowdin Test," you might ask? well, it's something a mutual acquaintance of mine, from the Fan Fic Paradise discord I lurk in, made aaaaall the way back in 2018, right when I was just startin' out with Ghost Switch. (Hi, Vikingaspoke, I don't know if you follow me on tumblr, or even have a tumblr for that matter, but I want you to know I thought about your thesis every single day since you first posted it, and have been determined (har har) to succeed where so many other undertale stories have failed. I did it once with my Epic-long fan fic, You Monster, but to do the same in comic form was a new and unique challenge. it took me almost 5 years, but I got there in the end! Cutting out the memories, I've officially concluded snowdin and started waterfall just this year!) I've also got to mention that I think my estimation on how long it will take me to finish Ghost Switch is slowly unfolding to be oddly accurate. I've never made a comic this long, but back in 2019, when I made an anniversary comic for Ghost Switch's 1st birthday, I guestimated that it would take me roughly 11 more years to finish the story, meaning it would take me 12 in total from start to finish. Well, we are rapidly approaching the half-way point of the comic, and if I haul ass it get to 312 pages out by the 6th birthday, we very well might actually hit it. I haven't drawn up to page 312 yet, but it's strangely close. Granted, my guess didn't account for the length of the flashback segments, which may push it back, but the sheer Idea that the "vibes" I got on how long each arc would take just by roughly judging the time it took me to finish ruins as a baseline to compare... it's just weird, man. I just "felt" that snowdin would be 1.5 times as long as the ruins, waterfall 2 times as long as the ruins, and hotland+New Home also 1.5 times that of the ruins. I have no metric for this since the final scenes were not written out yet. It just... feels like it should be that, and I'm kinda scared at how on track it's been.

3. Third goal was to Rewrite my Nanowrimo project from 2021/22. I did this as well! It's still no where near a final draft ready for beta readers or anything, and towards the end of the year I got distracted writing the second book in the trilogy because this is an epic fantasy story so it just HAS to have three books. Maybe I'll self-publish these stories one day. it sure is the most passionate I've ever been about something original i've ever written, but I want to make sure the entire rough draft of all three stories is done first so I can easily go back and add hints in previous parts without having to retcon anything later down the line. I've already had to do it once, so no doubt in my mind I'll have to do it again when I start trying to wrap things up in the final book. Speaking of the sequel, that was my nano project for this year! I won, but much like 2021 and 22, I didn't finish the book. my 21/22 project ended up being roughly 80k words, and I still expect to add about 10k more when I add some missing scenes and flesh out some description. I don't think that will happen with the second book. If anything, I expect it to barely stick around 50k in total because I just know I wrote a lot of filler and junk and repetitive stuff in the first draft this year because I was STRUGGLING with nanowrimo this year. Idk yet if I'm going to make a rewrite of book 2 my nano project for 2024. we'll have to wait and see how I'm feeling once september/october rolls around.

4. My fourth goal was to write 4 one-shots for my fic collection of Blankets, Socks, and Pillow Talk, over on AO3. I didn't do this, mostly because I was too distracted with my original fiction this year. i DID write one one-shot, hilariously during nanowrimo when I was suffering from writers block. Hopefully this year will be different. I would like this fic collection to at least hit 50k words so it could be a full novel of short stories all on its own. I think I can do it, I just need the time and inspiration.

5. My fifth goal, and last one I achieved this year was to finalize the details of the waterfall arc. I'm sure I've said it before in the past, but all the major story beats for Ghost Switch were planned out well before I even drew the first page, but the scenes connecting them were filled in more as I went. Rest assured, I make sure the entire arc is scripted before I start it, but my dirty little secret is that the snowdin arc wasn't completely written until I nearly finished drawing the ruins arc, and I was well into the snowdin arc before the final scenes of the waterfall arc were written down. It is now, and has been for at least 10 months. This was a goal I always knew I would achieve. Sometimes the resolutions I make are things I know are gonna happen whether I want them to or not. Sometimes you just gotta give yourself a guaranteed win to boost your self-confidence, you know? (now I just need to do the same for the Hotland arc. I think it's gonna take me 3 years minimum to finish waterfall, just like it did snowdin, so I got time, but the sooner I figure out the dialogue, the better. Will I make that a goal for this year? Ehh, probably not. I just wanna focus on building a buffer first)

6. The one secret goal was not achieved. If it was, this post wouldn't nearly be as long and you all would have heard about it as soon as it happened. Idk if it will happen this year, or anytime soon. A vicious combination of anxiety, the economy, and the uncertain state of the world make me hesitant to even attempt this goal.

aaand those were all my serious goals for this year! the time is now 10:37, I am tired and dizzy. I'm gonna save this as a draft and get back to it tomorrow~ nighty night~

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OKAY! IT'S JANUARY 3RD NOW, 8:34AM! LET"S CONTINUE!

my three casual goals, none of which I accomplished, were;

7) Finish writing clemency. While I didn't do this, I did think about the story a lot. If you've been around since late 2022, You'll know that when AI writing generators started gaining popularity, news broke that the internet was scraped for data sets, including fan fiction websites like AO3. This extremely pissed me off because Fan Fiction is... well, I guess there's no better word than "sacred" to me. The unadulterated desire to write, create, share and expand on media that has touched us, inspired us, (hell, even angered us!) and to do this all purely because we can and we want to, just to make connections with other people who were fans of the same media, people we may never meet, thousands of miles apart from us, who we can touch and inspire in turn... Fan fiction is a gift. it means so much to me, from the professional writer who writes ficlets as an exercise, to tweens just starting their creative writing journey by imagining themselves hanging out with their favorite characters, to the hobbyists who wanted to imagine how things would change if just one thing happened differently, to those who feel underrepresented in media, and want to see themselves be the hero. People working through shit, people who are just bored, people who love a story so much they will retell it a hundred times over so it never has to end. Young, old, girl, boy, fluent writers, to writers in fandom where english is not their first language. It's an amazing, nearly incomprehensible melting pot that can connect us all... and some CEO jerkoffs just wanted to steal all this heart-felt work and feed it to a machine to make a quick buck. I was so enraged, so violated that works of passion could be abused this way that I locked down all my fics on AO3, and you now need to be logged in to read any of them, and I didn't write a word of fan fic in over a year. Every time I thought my anger had cooled off, more news would come up about "AI" generated stories appearing in the kindle app, or authors having works published under their name without their consent because thieves are trying to make a quick buck with their identity to trick fans, or hear that tv show and movie writers being told they are worthless and replacable, and I would get mad all over again. I'm still mad just remembering it, and until actual laws are in place regarding the use of "AI" in art and writing, I'll stay mad, and my stories will be under lock and key. If some good has come out of it, I focused a lot more on original fiction this year, which I haven't shared online at all, so no fear of that being stolen, but I do miss writing fan fic more regularly, yet I can't stand the thought of something I make for fun being taken and used by someone else to line their pockets. It's like... the antithesis of the purpose of storytelling to begin with and makes me sick to my stomach.

WOW! That sure was a rant! Let's move on! My 8th goal and second casual one was to make a comic page buffer of 8 pages. I almost did this one! At one point, (like, the second week of december) I had a buffer of 5 pages because I was finishing up Memory 5 of ghost switch, but then I realized I could line up the end of the memory with the end of the year, and I ended up posting all of my reserve pages in, like, a week! During those weeks, though, instead of making more pages to keep the buffer supplied, I played a lot of video games instead, which I hadn't done since... october? because I didn't touch my PS4 at all during november while I was writing for nanowrimo, and I missed playing Horizon Foridden West and wanted to get back to it. Maybe this year, though? I'm dead set on trying to get to 312 pages before Ghost Switch's 6th birthday, which is, like, 30 pages away, so I gotta improve my output process regardless.

And the 9th goal of mine and the last of the casual ones, was to write that crack fic. This goal has been on my resolutions for a couple years now, but I still haven't done it. I'm gonna blame my AI hatred grudge for this, since it made me not to want to write any fan fic at all this year. I'll get to this someday, but maybe now I should put it on the back burner for some newer goals and projects~

Okay! The time is now 8:57! if you're still reading this stream-of-conscious ramble of mine, it's time for me to list off my goals for this year!

IN 2024 I WOULD LIKE TO...

Read 12 new books this year (one book a month)

Reach 312 pages of Ghost Switch by June 18th (the 6th birthday)

Build (and maintain!) a comic buffer of 8 pages

Go walking on 3 new greenways around my neighborhood

Go camping by myself

Make at least one new song comic

Finish 4 video games to as close to 100% as I can (currently looking at Horizon Forbidden West, the original Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Blue, Carto, Alba, Stray, Journey, Unraveled and The Talos Principle 2, as these games currently entice me the most, but I still want flexibility and options if one game ends up not clicking)

Finish the first rewrite of my 2023 nanoproject (this will probably end up being my nano24 project, if i'm being honest with myself)

Write 4 one-shots for BSapT

-- These 9 goals I want to be serious about, but like last year, I have some casual goals i want to do as well. They include...

10. Get reacquainted with Neocities and make a personal website

11. Learn to code to improve said website/learn to make games

12.Listen to the entire royalty free youtube library for reasons

13. Research every d.o.n.g. ever featured on VSauce, for neocities reasons.

I feel like I had a couple more off-handed things I wanted to do this year, but these 4 casual things are the only ones I can remember at the moment. Maybe I'll come back and add to this list later.

Alright! The time is now 9:37AM, and I have to go run some errands/do some house chores! Saving this again as a draft to come back to this later!

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Okay! Done with errands, and it is 11:30am on the nose! Time to resume my inane ramblings and hopefully finish this thing within the next two hours.

One thing I mentioned in my recap/review of 2022 was that I never actually felt like I was looking back on the year in depth. So much was forgotten or blurred together with other years because I didn't keep track of it. Well, this year I kept a monthly diary, again in my personal discord of 1, and wrote in it whenever I felt anything of note or significance happened to me, or whenever I had reoccurring thoughts or feelings. i managed to write in it at least once a month, often times twice, that being every two weeks. I found the whole experience quite therapeutic, frankly, and I'll share snippets of it now, though I will cut out the more personal entries. Be forwarned! A lot of the following text is straight up copied and pasted from my diary entries, so there is a lot of misspellings and short hand. I'll try to fix some of the more obvious ones, but these paragraphs are just as stream-of-concious writing as the rest of this massive post. Anything in parentheses with A/N is me adding context right now on the present day!

january 5th, two very close coworkers of mine quit due to upper management being petty. These two employees had worked here for nearly two decades. They were married to each other and were the mom and dad of the work base, with everyone else relying on them, looking up to them, and going to them for their problems. Them walking out scared everyone lower on the pecking order, because we felt that we were no longer protected from manager bullshit with them gone. I was off the day they walked out and didn't get to say goodbye. the grief I felt upon learning they left caused me to have my first ever anxiety attack that night. It was one of the worst experiences I've ever had in my life. I try to keep in touch, but we don't talk much due to our age gaps and busy work lives.

in January I also had a body-horror nightmare that still makes me squirm just thinking about it. I dreamt no one in the world wore pants, but we were all cool with it because we had pockets built into our legs. Not like... fabric sewn into skin, mind you, I mean naturally evolved extra flaps of flesh over our thighs like the pouch of a cartoon kangaroo. flesh pockets. even in my dream I could feel them. the insides were surprisingly dry and smooth- no sweat or hair in there, but the sensation was uncomfortably irritating, like when you rub your knuckles too much and it feels sore. worst part of this dream was, I woke up, thought "thank god I'll for get this in a few hours", but then watched cartoons later that day and saw a... tom and jerry(?) short where tom also had built in pockets on his body which made me remember everything, and now I can't forget.

February 8th. Watched The Flight if Dragons. Good, campy 80s feel. Drags in some parts, rushed in others. Some aspects feel like they have 0 explanation. (How did peter separate from gorbash? Did peter know that denouncing magic would vanish him from the safe haven? What happened to the princess's parents? EVERYTHING with the wolf and whatever was going on between the huntress and knight. I also Watched 1996 dragonheart. Slow start, but good fun. Pretty decent cgi. Acting is downright TERRIBLE in places, but it was good campy fantasy fun in the end.

On february 14th, I dreamed of a haunted house, but the house wasnt malicious. It felt like a friend that worried for your safety when you left, because it was rooted to the spot and could not come to you when you were in trouble. I did not stay long, and felt melancholic when I had to leave. Once outside, I turned around and said "goodbye house" and waved it farewell. Then, in all the curtains and windows, dozens and dozens of shadowy human arms waved goodbye to me in return, wishing me well and safe travels. It would miss me, but not keep me prisoner, because a house is only a home if you had the freedom to leave and return when you wished.

March 18. I got recommended a video on YouTube about screen savers, and it reminded me of one that our family computer had in the early 00s. After searching for a while, I rediscovered it; the createacard screensaver pack. So many buried memories unearthed. The sense of wanderlust and inspiration and not over such beautiful art came rushing back to me; https://youtu.be/zFPKmnegK0c

I was generally tired for all of march, not having much energy for any project outside of my comic, and even that was starting to wear me down.

I played a lot of kingdom hearts 1 in late February/early march. Synthesized the Ultima weapon for the first time. Cried farming sniper wilds and stealth soldiers because they unsettle me. I'm trying to grind to level 100 before the game is over. Debated on doing a kh song comic this year (A/N: This did not happen)

I want to redo my personal website. Wix added an image file size limit, and my whole site currently surpasses that twice over. The wix site editor is slow and finicky any way. Looked into blogspot and WordPress. I want to start a xenofiction book review podcast. Are solo podcasts popular? I Looked into neocities. Felt an overwhelming sense of nostalgia and child-like wonder. Made my own account/basic website, but haven't edited anything yet.

I got hit with the seasonal depression late February/early march, watched some home gardening videos on youtube and got inspired. The videos I watched were about people building actual massive scale pond and lakes, but I just went to home depot and Lowe's and Wal-Mart, bought, like, 12 different kinds of vegetable and flower seeds, 3 long rectangular planters and 2 massive bags of dirt. I also bought some peat seed starters, a plant heating pad (which I might just give to my cat) and a plant light. I spent over 150$ total.

My cat turned 5 years old on the 15th this march as well!

In late april I got really into analog/digital horror args and unfiction realities. Been watching a lot of Night Mind and similar analysis videos (I'm too lazy and dumb to try and solve them myself).

April 28th. Maternal grandfather might be passing soon. He's been in and out of hospitals since late January, needs around the clock assisted living, and my mom and her sister are constantly having to take time out of their lives to help him. I hate it. It's stressful and aggravating to mom, the assisted living people are incompetent, and my mom is stretching herself thin, running ragged trying to do everything at once. It's not fair to her. It's not fair to anyone.

May 11th. Mom's computer has a solitaire program with hundreds of versions of solitaire, most of which have gone unplayed. Ive been trying new games and learning them through trial and error (the "rules" tab doesnt work because it accesses a file that is no longer installed on this computer). Ive found new favorites in "twenty" and in "carpet". It makes life just a little bit more interesting.

June 4th. Been really into watching blind lets plays of undertale from 2022/3 lately, as well as dissection/discussion of undertale's music. Also into shayy's undertale mods. Glad the fandom is still having fun with this game. Got interested in pokemon infinite fusion. Downloaded it, but havent played yet. Getting back into PMD, though I have to grind now for leveling and evolving mons I cant recruit. Took a break from listening to librivox books, but might pick it up again. Same with checking in on flight rising. This year will be it's 10th birthday iirc

Looked at my ao3 recently and noticed I havent written anything in over 6 months. Still mad about the AI data scraping. I didn't stop writing entirely though. I spent all of October, November, January and February writing an original story, and still really proud/excited about it. Finished typing the rough draft on Wednesday, taking a break before I start edits.

All my flowers I planted in February are dying. Has a lot of rain this year. I think they're getting over watered.

June 6th. Been thinking a lot about Hawaii recently. I miss my old school and house. Went to Google earth to look at it again. I think our old neighborhood of [REDACTED] was razed and rebuilt becuase the streets dont look the same. This makes me feel… Not quite sad or bitter, but hurt none the less. I knew ever since we moved here chances of going back would be slim, but knowing my most nostalgic childhood home is gone forever…

Saturday June 17th fucking sucked for everyone. Two coworkers got seriously injured at work. My car battery completely died and couldn't be jump started. Had to call for a tow and wait 2+ hours for it to arrive. Wanted to cancel but they told me I would be charged even if the tow never arrived. Got charged 80 extra dollars for a "wench fee" I didn't need, but they talked to fast for me to think about it. Massive accident on the 4-lane highway home put all traffic down to 1 lane, and we were stuck there an extra hour. Dairy Queen's lobby closed early, going to drive through only, sonic was OUT OF ICE CREAM, and the local grocery store was almost sold out too. Did not get home until almost 10pm. Both my car AC and my mom's car a.c. don't work. I FUCKING LOVE OWNING A CAR. IT'S SO MUCH FUN AND SO FREEING.

June 28. Been playing a new video game recently; horizon forbidden west. Price dropped by 50% on Amazon and I had a 10$ gift card so I got the game for 1/3 the launch price. It's okay so far. Been slowly exploring and uncovering the map, ignoring the main story and discovering secrets. There is definitely A LOT more to do in this game than in the first. Dont really like a lot of Aloy's line deliveries. Some of the controls are different which throws me off. Robo enemies cool as ever, though noticeably fewer dinosaur ones.

Mom continues to take care of her dad. Aunt does too. All of mom's free time and energy this summer has been stolen by him. She keeps insisting she won't have to look after him as much when he gets better. I don't think he's ever getting better.

All my flowers I planted back in March have died. It's just too damn hot for them. It's too hot for everyone. We have just hit ten straight days with weather in the triple digits. I'm miserable.

Might have to replace my laptop soon. It's almost 12 years old, the battery doesn't work anymore, it overheats, and it's super slow. Looking into gaming laptops.

June 29; grandfather passed away last night. All I feel is relief.

July 11th. I got gifted my grandfather's bed, but had to switch it back out with my old bed because it was too soft and fucking up my back. No lumbar support.

July wrap up: month went by sooo fast I can hardly believe it. Its too fucking hot. Texas is stuck in a heat cyclone. Havent played solitare in a while, or listened to audio books. I managed to do 7 jigsaw puzzles this summer, and hope to do one more. each one has been 1000 pieces minimum, with two being 2000 pieces, and 1 being 3000. I should have taken more pictures of them finished, but it's fun to know we finished one puzzle per week this whole summer.

August 5th; Wish I recorded some smaller details throughout the year, not realizing id want to recall the last time I did something. When was the last time I intentionally watched a movie or listened to a specific song? (but then again, how will I know I'm going to think the exact thought; "when was the last time I did X specific thing?") I rewatched wolf children 2 months back for the first time in years, same with relistening to HeyHiHello songs. Been having a lot of lower back pain lately. Stretching helps, but I can no longer sit or sleep in my favorite position without cramping up. I need to be perfectly straight and i hate it. (A/N: The very next night I pulled a muscle in my back so bad I thought I was paralyzed. for the first time in years, I had to call in sick to work because I could not physically move from my bed)

August 19th. Went to a chiropractor. No pinched nerves or slipped disc, just a pulled muscle. Stretching helps and have been wearing a back brace. Finally had grandpa's memorial on the tenth. It was nice to learn he made friends at his community center. I'll try to be out going when I'm old too. Doctors would not sign his death certificate for 7 weeks because they just didn't give a shit, and we finally threatened to call a lawyer. He finally got cremated.

August 30th- recently had to go to pepboys to get my car fixed again. It was "stuck" in neutral. Grandma came and picked me up to let me go home. She said she doesnt plan to be driving much longer and intends to give her car to me. I dont know how to feel about this. Grateful for the future gift? Sad that she is getting older? I had to have my car towed and had to leave work early, which I hate doing because it makes me feel like I'm leaving everyone else to do my work, but I did not want another repeat with the towing situation that happened in june.

September 19th. I finally put on my brave face and ordered a new laptop for myself earlier this month (the 5th to be precise) and today it finally arrived. I bought myself an HP omen gaming laptop. It's so nice, but also different and a little scary trying to adjust to all this new interface. I went from using windows 7 for the last 11 years to jumping into windows 11. It'll be an adjustment. Gotta re-download all my old programs and transfer my files. Hope my drawing tablet will still work on this laptop. Might have to buy a new one of those as well. I already hate the subscription model being used if you want to do ANYTHING with the tech YOU BOUGHT nowadays. Goodbye microsoft office! It was fun while I knew you! I got libreoffice now! Fuck off adobe! OpenShot and Shotcut are my video editing programs now! I still need to learn my way around OBS, opentoonz, and pencil2d, but I gotta say there's something.... rustic? homey? about having a desktop full of opensource programs made by people who want to help other creatives free of charge. I miss the days where you buying something meant you own it forever, but free homegrown programs updated by community feels friendlier than just owning a shiny "offical" big named piece of software, I gotta admit.

The new laptop is wonderfully fast and silent. It cost me 2 grand so I hope it lasts just as long as my old one. There is no removable battery from what I can tell, which is sad. Also no disc drive. The keys light up rainbow which is cool (but I had to turn that feature off to improve battery life). I customized the desktop background to some concept art of the videogame RiME. (I thought I had saved the default bg pic from my old laptop to my external hard drive, but I guess I hadn't?) Funny to me that in the 10+ years of owning my second ever laptop, I never changed the wallpaper because I liked the default art so much. Might add more art to a file and have the wallpaper rotate. I want to replay RiME again too. Love the simple gameplay and strong colors of that game.

October 4th. So much has happened in 2 weeks, it feels much longer than that. I pretty much completely switched to using my new lap top ad my main computer, transferred all the files, downloaded a bunch of open source software for writing documents, video editing, streaming and animation. Fuck you Microsoft. I shouldn't need an account to use basic microsoft word. Hope to bring back page making streams next year for patrons~ ive even been playing some steam games that my old laptop just couldn't run, and quite a few new ones as well. Candleman, carto, so many fun and charming titles~ replaying snakebird because all my progress was lost 🥲I'm not mad. I love snake bird.

I have so much desire to do so many things, but not enough time to do them. I need to queue up my november posts for tumblr before I go on break. I need to get my oil changed soon. I want to go back on steam and play more humongous entertainment games. I want to write, I want to draw, I want to animate, I want to learn how to quilt and crochet and garden. I want to do it all right now all at the same time. I want to go on a nature walk. I want to see my friends.

Its finally starting to cool off. We still get in the 90s easily, but it rained last night for the first time in weeks, and we havent hit 100 degrees in a couple of days. Been reading a lot of webtoons lately. Been having the urge to start my own with my original storylines, or at least use webtoons as a backup/mirror for my fan comic. So many unique stories there all ready. So many fun art style and worlds to get lost in. I love stories and the people that tell them. The joy of creating a tale and sharing it with the world is humanity in its purest form.

November 1st: youtube is cracking down on adblockers. Havent had any problems yet on desktop, but on this day, my default youtube app on my lg smart phone started showing me ads for the first time in the 8+ years I've had it. I was so mad that i forced stopped the app, and logged into youtube through an ad block browser app instead. Some of the app's features will be missed, like being able to watch a video and search at the same time, but these little annoyances are nothing compared to the fury I felt at being shown ads. I didn't write nearly as much as I wanted to for nanowrimo today because of this.

November 6th: I turned 31! Both my friends forgot my birthday, and I wasn't able to reserve a camping site for the April 8th eclipse next year! 🙃 ive been writing like mad for nanowrimo, but I'm still falling behind.

December 17. Has it really been a whole month since i last made a diary update? Thanksgiving came and went. No drama at our house but my mom and I watched an argument unfold in the yard of our neighbors. The one mobile game I play, dragon's world, officially shut down for me 4 days ago. I'm a little sad I could never 100% it, but glad I got as far as I did, and even managed to buy some dergs so it didnt feel all my hard earned gems went to waste. Havent uninstalled the app yet out of nostalgia, even though I only played this game for a year and a half. I made the mistake of reinstalling the google play store to look for a new dragon raising game, but none had the same appeal, and the reinstall caused my discord app to update and hate it ):< I kinda want to learn how to make a mobile game of my own like dragons world, but with gryphons instead and a focus on rescue/rehabilitation and zoology angle. (I mostly just dont like how common fighting is in these kind of games.) Finally been playing horizon forbidden west after a few months away. I'm not progressing the story, just trying to max upgrade all my gear. It's a fun challenge~

December 26, 2023. Got bit by a dog at work on Christmas. Right on the nail of my middle finger. He broke my nail but not my skin. Its odd. Thankfully I can still draw without much issue. I got a tetanus shot and flu shot just to be safe. Mom got me a tent for Christmas because I plan to go camping by myself next year, even though I wont get to see the eclipse on my outing.

The fan game undertale yellow came out on the 9th… Which was before my last journal update? I've been enjoying the game play but the story is just a little... eh. the sprite work is phenominal, though, no complaints there. I hate that it's making me want to write my own AU version of it already to "improve" it, since I think the story loses its way pretty much once you leave the ruins. (maybe I can try to shove it into Clemency in stead since i still haven't finished that either).

I watched a documentary on kangaroos on netflix this month. I had to play it at 1.25 speed because I swear they slowed down every single clip for the film to get it to a certain length. I also watched "dog gone trouble" which had terrible voice work and awful character design, and then "back to the outback" which was surprisingly well made even if the characters stumbled sometimes, but I'd easily recommend it. I want to watch more Christmas movies before the year is through. (A/N: this also did not happen).

Finally uninstalled dragons world today. My phone's been acting up. Hope I don't have to replace it soon. I don't like how, nowadays, the technology I pay for, I don't actually own, and features are being removed left and right. I'm afraid any "new" phone on the market offered now won't nearly last as long as my current one has.

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Aaand that was a brief glimpse into my year! The time is now 1:10pm! I already have one other post going up today, so I'll queue this one to go up on thursday instead~ if you managed to read this far, thank you so much, i guess! I hope my ramblings don't make you see me differently as a person. It's odd reflecting on where I was in my life over these past 12 months, remembering my state of mind and the feelings I felt as I wrote these entries. I'll be sure to do it again this year.

Overall, did I learn anything?...no, I don't think so? I did come to the realization that at the end of every year, in multiple youtube videos and tumblr posts, people mentioned how hard the year was for them, but like... after june, for me, everything improved quite a lot. it doesn't feel right to say that 2023 was hard for me. It was unbearably sad for me at the beinging. annoying and (physcially) painful half way through, but once august hit... everything slowly started to get better, despite the small petty things I complained about in my journal entries above. youtube ads, car troubles and discontinued apps of games I enjoyed still feel like small potatoes when compared to what I accomplished. Finished writing a draft of personal fiction, finished a major arc of a fan comic, got a new laptop to stream and share art with others, played a bunch of new video games, and generally enjoyed life for the latter half of this year.

And it almost feels selfish to say that... I'm happy.

I hope I can stay happy in 2024 as well.

Thanks for reading~

Have a safe and joyous 2024~

[roydeezed]

Dungeon Meshi Thoughts 02

Okay, I read another batch of chapters and finished Chapter 28 where they just finished the Dragon fight. And I need to get some thoughts out cause I am filled with "DREAD". Am I just traumatized from other things because I feel an immense sword of Damocles hanging above these character's even though it's mostly just been happy meals together paired with some questionable morals. Also you fans who've replied or dm'd me are really good at keeping a lid on stuff, which I appreciate, cause yall are being cryptic in ways I can't decipher. I feel like spoilers might be a part of reading this so I'll keep in-depth thoughts below the 'Keep reading'.

Love this goofy dude.

Okay, first of all I just want to touch on the immaculate vibes and execution around the sharing of meals. And discovering things through them. Because the core concept of this manga is cooking and learning about creatures no one else has explored, it's able to double up and hide the other core concept. Which is learning about others through sharing a meal. Love is found in sharing food with others and this manga shows that off brilliantly. They sit around a meal and talk and laugh and learn about each other. This manga also executes the goading of friends into eating questionable food so well it sometimes feels like an episode of Parts Unknown. But through cooking together and sharing ideas and that downtime together we find out about our characters in such a gentle way and it's just such a good way of showing it that I'm in awe. But it also only works as well as it does because of the central conceit of it all. I scream at the brilliance.

And speaking of learning about the character's, I am so curious about every single one of them. Especially Senshi. Because he's drawn in such a way that most of his expressions are hidden, he seems enigmatic and detached but his consideration for others and his harmony with the dungeon betrays a sense of empathy. But I wanna know more!!! Like why is he living in the dungeon? Who were his companions? Why does he hate magic? So mysterious and I want to know more.

Also a part of me wonders if I'm reading too much into it or having totally wrong reads like maybe Senshi is just an outright psychopath but I don't think I am because the trail of breadcrumbs I've been following has seemed very purposeful so far.

And speaking of breadcrumbs, It feels like some really dark stuff is being laid out. Like souls can't leave bodies? What in the necromantic hell is going on there? The worldbuilding of this all has been absolutely phenomenal. Like the slow building of spirits to the concept of resurrection that was used as a punchline before being fully explained and then used in the context of a political tool and the master of the dungeons power was pulled off subtly and expertly. It still feels like it's in wait of a payoff so I'm looking forward to how that goes. But this explanation of dark magic that Marcille uses also feels like a tee-up to something deeper.

I also wonder what the payoff of the other adventuring party is goin to be? The ones that Laios's group already passed a few times and stole barley off of. It feels like some misunderstood revenge might be in store for our party.

Okay, so is a dark elf just literally a brown elf? We going oldschool DnD rules (we'll save the drow rant for another time), huh? Jokes aside, this line kinda keyed me into something weird. Dark Elves exist but common people don't know what it means and soon after we get a proper introduction of the kid in the painting but in current times. And it makes sense they haven't aged as much because it was also pointed out how different races age differently. So maybe this elf rose through the ranks of the royals, became court magician and became the master of the dungeon. And being a reader of Solte the Traveller and it's isekai shenanigans makes me wonder if the underground castle was isekai'd into this world from another, cause how do you not notice an entire underground civilization under you?

Also this moment. Is everyone in love with Farlyn/Falin(wikipedia says Falin so I think I'll stick to that)? But her coming back into the group makes me wonder about the dynamic. I thought she was the common sense of the group since it's immediately after she's gone that Laios starts eating monsters and thinking about going solo into a dungeon, but after coming back, she's totally cool with it. Also she seems too gentle to be putting Laios in his place so I wonder if it was one of the other two party member's that aren't with them anymore? Maybe the guy with a crush on Falin that we haven't seen since he split? Anyways, I love Falin and the rest of the group so much already, they're all really unique and likable in their own ways while having flaws.

And speaking of flaws, this guy. I love him so much. Up until the above panel he was a whimsical, daring, detached, morally ambiguous, and hilarious bastard to me. And then this panel happened and now I am fully in. This recontextualized Laios's whole demeanour and also shed a light on how exhausted and haggard the party actually was. It seems that the way the world works in this manga demands a certain sense of detachment from it's inhabitants to stay sane. Death is usually not permanent and weird edible monsters are everywhere and a whole-ass economy has popped around invading this anomaly that just one day appeared in the ground. And our heroes tackle this detachment with humour. But we see how tired they get. Hell it was the first thing they mentioned in the first fight with the dragon. And how desperate they get as they get closer to Falin. The cracks in their whimsy start appearing and bags form under eyes and concessions are made. And when Laios finally hugs Falin I realize that his upbeat attitude the whole way through was hiding his desperation and the weight of having two lives placed on him. That desperation hits a crescendo when he literally jumps in a dragons mouth just for a chance at getting his sister back. They all became desperate. Marrcille used forbidden magic and Chilchuck put himself actively in harms way. They dredged through bones. I am so invested right now. And writing this helps me feel each beat even more. Also one last note. Falin is like half-dragon or something now? She has the magic storage of a dragon or just dragon magic or forbidden magic? That little tidbit is definitely leading somewhere. ALSO WIPE AWAY THE MAGIC CIRCLE BAD ELF ALREADY FOUND IT!!!

[soup-for-ghosts]

Roland or Frederica for the ask meme?

I shall do both to the best of my abilities!!!

Frederica:

First impression

she seemed nice! big fan of mages. also she’s pretty :]] not a fan of arranged marriages though

Impression now

I LOVE HER SO MUCH. SHE IS MY WORLD. morality route was my first and MAN was it an experience. she’s just… such a good character… it’s difficult to put all my thoughts about her together, but I just love her so much… everything with her family history and the roselle….

Favorite moment

her route for taking back whiteholm is my favorite of those three so far (I still gotta play benedict’s but I don’t think he can beat the battle on the bridge and the stuff with roland, cordelia, and avlora on the boat), and her reluctance to fight her family vs her anger at how cruel and unfair they were to her her whole life is just… an interesting struggle. and how she eventually resolves to do whatever she must, even if that means killing her own flesh and blood… ultimately she’s opposed to killing anyone, no matter who they are or why, and I like how, despite everything, she tries so hard to be kind.

Idea for a story

again don’t have much for this one ach… I did write this though, but it’s mostly serenoa focused. she’s there though

Unpopular opinion

hard to know what classifies as an unpopular opinion with such a small fandom…

Favorite relationship

her and serenoa for sure, but her and roland is also one I like.

I could write an essay on serefrede but I think the game does that well enough for me pf- it’s called “morality route” /j

as for her and roland, I just like their friendship. again you can totally tell morality was my first route but they’re just… really nice friends I think. terrified to play the utility route.

difficult for me to describe my thoughts on them right now, it’s been a while since I last played the game and I haven’t finished liberty and utility routes

Favorite headcanon

not sure on this one, number one for all tristrat characters is drawing them with scars though

Roland:

First impression

his introduction was very silly and I was immediately so fascinated by him and what his deal could be….

Impression now

screaming indefinitely 👍

chapter 5 was when I REALLY started getting into the game, and at every twist and turn I always felt so bad for roland… one of my favorite lines in the game is “though victorious, roland sobs quietly, saddened by the losses made in his name” (quoted to the best of my memory).. it’s such a good line… liberty route’s gonna kill me I think

Favorite moment

his confrontation with gustadolph in the golden route for sure. it felt like his character arc had really been building up to that moment, and he realizes how revenge just feels like an empty concept now. it isn’t about revenge anymore, and he proves that by trying to reason with gustadolph, albeit that fails… but he tried. it’s just so… gah… so good…

another, smaller thing, is the many instances in which he tries to pass his kingship to serenoa, most notably at the end of golden route. he tried several times in different instances… it’s so… man. again, so not ready for liberty route.

Idea for a story

I got nothing sorry

Unpopular opinion

see above - -‘

Favorite relationship

him and serenoa!! the brothers of all time and they don’t even know it… their friendship is so important to me. serenoa’s one of the few people roland really jokes with, and he returns the jests as well… the choice before the tournament is a really good indicator of their dynamic I think… serenoa always trying his best to reassure and comfort roland… even after everything… they care a lot about each other and it’s very clear… the golden route reveal is so… augh… again! I reiterate for the third time! terrified for liberty route!

him and cordelia are also really good… and the previously mentioned him and frederica

Favorite headcanon

see above-

[recurring-polynya]

go places addenda

Earlier this week, I finished posting go places, a 28k fanfic about Rukia and Renji getting ready to go take their Academy entrance exams. I started this story in 2019. It sat in a hot mess amongst my WIPs, and nevertheless informed a lot of flashbacks and memories that show up in various parts of my The Heart is a Muscle series. I made reference to a number of these throughout the writing, which my beautiful beta reader @diademchiofthetripod said worked fine as “textual ruins”, but I thought someone out there might be interested in actually finding the cross-references.

Additionally, this story contained a lot of world-building, just *bags* of worldbuilding, much of which started life as, or was inspired by various Tumblr posts, and I wanted to link those, too. Some of them are mine, but many came from other wonderful, thoughtful people, or came from us riffing off each other’s ideas. I am always grateful to the community on this website, and I just wanted to give credit to all the goofin’ around over here that inspires and informs my writing.

[cut for spoilers and also length]

Chapter 1

Settings are deeply important to me, and I felt like if I was going to set this entire thing in District 70, it deserved a name. Shiotsuka, 塩塚, means “salt mound,” because I wanted to invoke the imagery of barriers, like a town that sees itself as the last bastion of civilization, despite the fact that there are ten more districts to the south, including the home our protagonists have just left. In some ways, they are correct, though: Shiotsuka has the last post office on the South Road, the last shinigami recruitment station. I think all the ends-in-zero districts try to associate themselves with the ten above rather than the ten below. I realize this sort of thing is important mostly to me, but it sets the tone of the story as Rukia struggles to hold on to what she knows and who she is against the overwhelming message to focus her eyes onward and upward.

Mr. Mochida has been part of this story from the beginning. In fact, the opening scene of the original version was from his POV. I think that if I had started the story fresh in 2023, he would have been a very different character, but he was already *there*, and it didn’t feel right to replace him, which turned out to be a very good decision, actually. The actual point of this note is that I named him back before I got really into custom, bespoke character names, so it is likely that his name came from the Wikipedia list of Japanese Olympic weightlifters or something like that. I honestly don’t remember. It is a fairly common Japanese surname and, written 持田, means “hold or have” and “rice field.” An ordinary name for an ordinary sort of guy.

The bit about watered-down soy sauce came out of this post where I was wondering why they even had 55-gallon oil drums in Inuzuri and @bleachbleachbleach came up with a nicer answer than mine (which was Squad 12 toxic waste, although I am still fond of @snurtle 's idea from the tags that Rukia and Renji have glow-in-the-dark bones)

Chapter 2

The main reason there are couriers in this story is very simple: I have been re-reading Naomi Novik’s Temeraire series, and I got obsessed with the couriers and wanted some couriers. I realize that there is already the Secret Remote Squad, which is the subdivision of the Onmitsukidou that wears those rectangular hats and delivers messages around town. You know, these guys:

I wanted something tonally different though--a set of shinigami that spend most of their time outside of the Seireitei. Their job is important, but they’re more independent and a bit casual, and I liked the idea of this being one of Renji and Rukia’s first exposures to a shinigami-on-the-job (versus most of the introductions Kubo likes to do, where a character gets a Hollow dramatically slain right in front of them).

In my years of reading Bleach fanfic, I have decided that I do not care for it when people use flash step to travel long distances. This is a personal opinion, please do as you like in your own fanfics, but I just don’t think flash step should work that way. For one thing, my impression is that it basically involves doing a spatial shift from one place to another, which would seem to carry a heavy risk of running into things (or people). Also, it seems like it should take a lot of energy. Also, there are some characters (Hanataro) who can’t use it, which seems like it would cause a lot of problems. That being said, flash step is allegedly a set of techniques within hohou (we just never learn what any of the other ones are). I had some fun making up some that are practical for long-distance, which was both fun and satisfying for me. Ryuupo is written 流歩, where the first character , which means "flow", is also used in the word for jet stream, and then the second character is the same one for “step” that’s used in “flash step.” Hayaashi, 速歩, means “brisk walk” but it’s also the word used for a horse’s trotting gait. I do not actually speak Japanese. I did my best.

Relatedly, I also liked the idea of Mr. Mochida teaching Rukia and Renji a lot of practical, but not flashy stuff, and in particular, things that take lots and lots and lots of practice, but have a great deal of payoff. Unlike some people, who try to teach a kid bankai in three days, he’s more of a “strong foundations” sort of guy. I hope it’s obvious (particularly you’ve read my later stories featuring Renji in sensei-mode) that Renji is imprinting on this guy like a baby duck.

The Seireitei Bulletin makes an appearance, in part because I wanted to make a vague reference to my headcanon that Tousen personally transformed it from a propaganda rag into…um…something more closely resembling a news outlet. I also wanted to drop some hint of some big doings in the city that the reader would recognize, but would, of course, be basically meaningless to Rukia. It is actually right around the time Byakuya became captain, but that was a little too…too. However, Gin also became captain around the same time and you know I never miss an opportunity to do a shout-out to Iba’s mom.

Rukia contemplating a life in the Onmitsukidou is partially a Between Tides joke, but it’s mostly a reference to a Hisana-joins-Squad 2-and-then-adopts-Rukia-herself AU that @alopexplasma and I improv’ed our way to in the comments of section of Call Me Back When the War is Over.

Watanabe Yuuto is one of my Inuzuri irregulars; he also featured in the story Renji tells Chad about Rukia vs. the Bees, which is the next-to-last scene of Chapter 5 of See You on the Other Side.

Renji tells the story about Rukia wrestling the tanuki (or badger) to Byakuya in Chapter 11 of Call Me Back When the War is Over. It’s the second scene down and can be read independently of the rest of the story. Towards the end of the same chapter, Rukia clarifies that it was a badger (definitely not a tanuki).

Chapter 3

Rukia’s bunny print yukata makes two appearances in Call Me Back, once in Chapter 12, proving that Renji was paying attention after all, and once in Chapter 13.

Here’s a six-part video series on how to make your own waraji. I did not know that waraji were for short-term use! That was the second most interesting thing I learned writing this fanfic! The shihakushou headcanon is one I have been working on for a long time and I’m glad that I finally worked it into a fanfic. I wrote out most of my thoughts on the topic here, and here’s the senkaimon transfer protocol post that originally got me thinking about it way back when.

I did a whole post on the “Black Dog of Rondanini” kidou Rukia is trying to read. Thanks to the Bleach wiki for the kanji version of the chant, which was very helpful in writing this part.

Obligatory link to the Renji breaks his arm story.

The poem Renji is trying to write out is the Iroha, a pangram that was used as a kana ordering system prior to 1890. I felt like it was the sort of thing a boy’s mother would make him copy out to practice his writing, analogous to the old "quick brown fox".

Chapter 4

(for realsies, tho, a lot of the dream sequence references this post I made about the symbolism of Sode no Shirayuki taking the form of a yuki-onna)

Chapter 5

I was trying to come up with a list of common items that an Edo era traveler might buy/take with them on a journey when I inadvertently came across the number one most interesting thing I learned while writing this fanfic.

The incident Rukia remembers about thinking Renji didn’t like her until the day she laughed at some sick burn he made is the same incident Renji mentions in Chapter 4 of a little in love, in which he thought she didn’t like him until the day she laughed at his sick burn. What a couple of idiots.

“Rukia even worked in a shop for a bit.” If this seems familiar, it’s because it’s from my unfinished Inuzuri story I Can’t Believe I Found You in that Town and I’m sure I’ve posted excerpts from it on Tumblr. It was a pawn shop. Her job was scamming people. She was very good at it.

Re: the 1000 kan budget Mr. M gives them: For reference, per Color Bleach+, an issue of the Monthly Seireitei Bulletin costs 380 kan. A cosplay Squad 4 nurse’s outfit costs 5,980. City inflation is wild.

“I like the signs they have here,” Rukia says, pointing up at one that shows a pipe with rings of smoke coming out of it. “You can tell what the shops have without having to go in.” I went down a real rabbit hole on Edo era kanbans (and yes, that’s the etymological origin of kanban boards used in agile project management). A lot of them relied on puns, and I read in one article that high-end city shops would make their signs rely on insider knowledge so that only their more sophisticated customers would recognize them, which is the most Seireitei-ass thing I have ever heard.

“I did some arm-breaking for a crooked apothecary for a while,” Renji admits. There were some more details on this in the Renji-breaks-his-arm story, and probably also the upcoming chapter of Heart is a Muscle. If it feels like Renji mentions about six thousand different jobs he had in Inuzuri, I did that on purpose, because I wanted him to feel like a guy who was always on the grind. Most of the jobs were extremely short-lived.

Chapter 6

“I know about wheels!” Renji volunteers. “For a while, I worked at a place that took old carts and swapped their wheels around to make them look different and then sold them again.” Inuzuri is the chop shop capital of Soul Society

“We met a shinigami once, in Inuzuri. We both got real hungry, just from being around them.” I realize that everyone has not watched episode 32 of the Bleach anime 100,000 times, but this happened in episode 32 of the Bleach anime. There’s a screenshot of them in the post above.

Chapter 7 Mr. Mochida’s home district is Zanshien (残紫苑) Lingering Aster. Aster means “remembrance” in hanakotoba. Sometimes I am not subtle.

“There was a girl. That’s a complete story in itself.” Man, you know how I feel about lines like that.

Kaho, written 馨朋, means “sweet-smelling friend” because I was still on my flower bullshit.

Renji clenches one fist. “Our friendship can take this, Rukia. It’s like the book I’ve been reading on bodyweight exercises. The way you build muscle is by tearing the fibers apart, and then more muscle grows in to repair the tears, and that’s how you get stronger.” A lot of times, I have regrets about the name The Heart is a Muscle, but then I write crap like this.

The tapping also shows up in Between Tides.

“when sparrows begin building their nests” is one of Japan’s 72 poetic microseasons. The Japanese school year has begun in April since 1886, so I assume that's when the Shin'ou term starts, as well. I figured the Rukongai kids would try out shortly before then, so that they can just stay if they get in. The idea of official communications from the Seireitei being conducted in the most arcane ways possible was done with love for @bleachbleachbleach

One of the first things I did when I picked up this fanfic again earlier this year was try to calculate how long it would actually take to walk from the Inuzuri to the Seireitei. I have all kinds of notes based on the stuff Yoruichi tells the Karakura kids about how long it takes to walk around the Seireitei, the diameters of Tokyo and NYC, amounts of time I felt would be practical, etc, etc, and in the end, I just used some numbers that felt right in my heart. Time dilation in the deep Rukon is yet another headcanon I picked up from B3, but it’s also how I reconcile the various competing estimates of Rukia’s age. Do not try to follow Mr. Mochida and Hatori’s math, they’re probably using some silly “Thirty days hath September” calculation mnemonics. I think you can take my word for it that Rukia and Renji made it to their tests on time. For the record, they passed.