#this fic is my response to many of your posts such as: 'why don't we know the cyberlife ceo' 'wheres embracing the computer within'

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

moth to a flame

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, praise, body worship, eye contact, public sex act, dry humping, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Your friend invites you to a bonfire where you meet a man who knows you better than you think. plus! reader

Characters: Bucky Barnes

Note: this is my first of my autumn fics as decided by all of you!.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Asking for more or putting ‘part 2?’ is not feedback.

Love you all. You are appreciated and your are worthy. Treat yourself with care. 💖

Natasha is the coolest person you know. Probably the coolest person most people will ever meet; if they have the privilege. So it is that you wonder how she’s your friend. It’s really too good to be true which is why you can’t help but feel a bit enamoured by her. 

It has to be real though. If you’re not friends, she wouldn’t invite you to her annual bonfire. A sacred tradition for her, or so you’ve heard. A gathering of all her closest friends. They are truly elite company. Not just your everyday schmucks, but The Avengers. 

You’re sure you’ll seem a bit lame walking up with your basket of pumpkin muffins home-made cider. Still, you were taught to always bring something with you. Though it does provide an obstacle to getting to the front door smoothly. 

You carry the large glass jug of cider by the metal handle as you hug the basket to your side. You struggle you hit the lock button on your keys and stop short as the cider sloshes around dangerously and throws your balance. As you try to correct yourself, footsteps scuff up behind you. 

“Need help?” The deep voice is like silk. 

You look over your shoulder, nearly tipping over as you do. The stranger manages to scoop up the basket before you tip it and you giggle in embarrassment. You sigh and let him take it from you. 

Oh, he’s not a stranger. Well, you know his name, even if you don’t know him. Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier. One of Natasha’s many high-profile friends. Again, you ask yourself how you ended up there. 

“Oop, thanks so much,” you say. “I should’ve made two trips.” 

“No problem,” he assures you. “You a friend of Nat’s?” 

“Uh, yeah,” you smile, turning back up the walk as he keeps stride with you. “New friend, I guess.” 

“Friend is a friend. She only keeps me around because I made friends with a string bean back in 1930.” He chuckles. 

“You mean--” You stop yourself and look away. You don't want to come off as a fangirl that quick. “Uh, well, we met at an event. She was teaching self-defense for the woman’s shelter.” 

“Oh, you work there?” He asks. 

You keep your eyes off of him, “I lived there. Not anymore.” 

“Ah, well, that’s good? You’re in a better place?” He asks. 

You nod, “much better.” You swallow and exhale. “I know who you are. You’re Bucky Barnes.” 

“I’m never gonna get used to that,” he scoffs. “Takes the excitement out of meeting new people.” 

“Oh, sorry, I...” you trail off before your nerves can break through.  

You don’t think Natasha would ever have become your friend if she knew you were such a geek about her other friends. Cap and Iron Man and even Thor. They were the real-life heroes that inspired you to be your own. And it was a poster of Steve Rogers himself that sparked the last fight that led to you leaving your ex. 

“It’s fine, so, do I get a name? Unfortunately, I don’t have the whole mind-reading thing going on,” he knocks on the heavy door as you shift the jug in your grip. You give your name as you peek over at him sheepishly. “These smell...” he lifts the basket and takes a whiff, “delicious.” 

“I hope they are. My first time using my apartment stove. It’s gas. I’m used to electric,” you explain. “Uh, pumpkin muffins, if that’s what you were asking. Sorry, I...” you turn to the door and rub your lips together, “if I’m honest, I’m super nervous.” 

“Nervous?” He echoes. “About?” 

“Well, I’m not the greatest with crowds. Especially since the shelter... ugh, I don’t know why I keep bringing that up.” You cringe, “but uh, just... new people. I guess.” 

“Ah,” he nods and teeters on his treads, knocking again, “damn it, Nat, what the hell are ya doin?” He grumbles. “Well, if it’s any consolation, I’m not really a people person either. The arm... it’s quite the ice breaker.” He sniffs, “I hate talking about the goddamn thing.” 

“Um, yeah, that would be... awkward,” you utter. 

The door opens before he can respond. You’re glad for it. You hadn’t thought about it but now all you can think of is if his arm has a built-in can opener. 

“Oh, he-eyyyy,” Natasha stutters as her eyes flit between you and Bucky, “you’re here. Both of you. At the same time?” 

“Uhhh, yeah,” you peek at Bucky. 

“Ran into each other a few steps back. You’re shit at introducing people, Natty.” 

She rolls her eyes and waves him off. She turns to you. “Wow, and what’s all this?” 

“I brought cider and--” 

“Muffins,” Bucky finishes for you as he lifts the basket higher. “I’m not much of a baker.” 

“Or a guest,” she retorts. “That’s so amazing, thank you.” She reaches to take the basket, “come on, I’ll show you around. Bucky, I think you already know where the litter box is.” 

Bucky tuts and shakes his head, “nice seeing you too.” He follows you in and faces you, “try to enjoy yourself. I know she’s a bit of a party pooper. Even if she is the host.” 

“With guests like you, how can I not be,” Natasha trills and beckons you onward, “don’t worry about your shoes. We’ll most be outside so I’ll do a full sweep and mop tomorrow.” She turns and struts away. 

Your eyes creep down her hour glass figure. You feel like a pervert as you do but you can’t help it. Even in a flannel and jeans, her body is perfect. The cowl neck of your red sweater and your corduroy feels a little less cute. 

“You made these yourself?” She asks as she leads you into a large kitchen.

There’s a square island with a hardwood top and matching counters and cupboards; the tile is burgundy with black iron accents. You marvel as you compare it in your head to your boxy apartment with the peeling laminate and squeaky faucets. 

“Uh, yeah,” you answer as you lift the jug of cider onto the counter. “Apple cider and pumpkin muffins.” 

“You are too sweet. I have to admit, I got catering for tonight. I'm no good in a kitchen,” she chuckles. “Lived off of Hydra rations for so long, I can’t do much more than open a can or vacuum seal.” 

“Oh, right. Nothing fancy,” you shrug. “You know, I just found the recipes online. Got some apples from the farmers’ market... I don’t know if it’s any good.” 

“I’m sure it’s all delicious. Bet the cider would be great with some whiskey,” her voice is smokey as she smirks. “Wanna put that theory to the test?” 

“Um, if you want. I’m okay either way.” 

“I won’t blame you if you need some liquid courage before facing the rest. Work friends can be a bit much,” she chuckles. “Besides, I have a bottle that’s been sitting in my cabinet for too long.” 

“Sure,” you accept, not wanting to be rude. And she’s right. You need something to take the edge off. 

She hums as she leaves the muffins next to the jug and she spins to the cupboard. She takes out two glasses that resemble jars and a dark bottle of liquor. You watch her put it all together with ice and a cinnamon stick to boot. 

“May as well get some before the rest devour it,” she slides a glass toward you and lifts the other, “cheers.” 

You smile and clink her glass. You taste it and your cheeks pinch. The cider is good but you can definitely taste the whiskey. You hold back a cough and cover your mouth. 

“I am just rewarming the hors d’oevres but if you want to wait, I can introduce you to everyone.” 

Heat roils from the oven as it glows from within and there are trays waiting for serving. She’s already put so much in. You don’t want to make her day even more strenuous. After all, she didn’t have to invite you. 

“No, it’s... you’re busy but if you need help.” 

“Don’t be crazy. You’re a guest. Go, enjoy the party. I’ll be out shortly. Everything’s mostly out there already.” 

“Okay, but um, I can take the muffins at least.” 

“Alright,” she agrees. 

You grab the basket and go to the door. You pause as you realise you don’t know where you’re going. Natasha laughs again. 

“Other way, back door is right on the other side of me,” she sweeps around the kitchen swiftly. 

“Right,” you turn back and cross the tile; one arm around the basket, your other hand cradling your glass. You push outside with your shoulder and step out onto the deck.  

There’s a long table of snacks as promised. You go to it and put down the basket as you dare to glance up at the guests speckled around the yard. Pairs and trios stand in the grass and around the already crackling fire. They all seem to know each other and you recognise quite a few of them. 

“Buns?” The question has you lurching in surprise as you face another partygoer. 

“Oh, uh, no, muffins,” you lift the lid to show the contents. “Pumpkin.” 

“Oooh,” the blond grins. The golden hair, the square jaw, broad shoulders; how could you mistake Captain America? “Can I try?” 

“Of course. I brought them for everyone,” you smile and tightly clutch your glass of cider. “You’re... Captain America.” 

“Ha, well, not here. I prefer Steve,” he takes out a muffin and peels away the liner. “And you’re... one of Xavier’s recruits?” 

“Xavier? Who—no. I’m...” you introduce yourself as he sinks his teeth in to the muffin. Your stomach flips. What if it’s bad? “Natasha’s friend. Erm, I guess that’s what we all are but nope, I’m just me. Just a... civilian?” 

He laughs, “just a civilian? Damn good baker. I don’t go for pumpkin often but this is amazing.” 

“Really?” You beam and bounce on your toes. 

“Oh, yeah--” 

“Save some for the rest of us, punk,” Bucky comes up from behind Steve. “Just like him to be chatting up the cutest girl at the party. What line did he use?” 

“Line? I’m just having a muffin,” Steve grimaces. 

“Mm, muffins,” Bucky reaches in front of his friend to claim a treat of his own, “was waiting on these.” 

He eyes your glass of cider and you take a sip. You pull your lips off the brim and gulp, “oh, the rest is inside if you want some.” 

“She made that too,” Bucky points at your cup. “Who knew Natasha had cool friends?” 

You giggle, “no, I’m not... just muffins.” 

“Good muffins,” Bucky says through a mouthful, “mmm.” 

“Might be good to hide them,” Steve remarks as he gives Bucky the side eye. 

“Hey, these two meatheads giving you trouble?” Another figure approaches from the back door. You turn as Tony stark flips up his dark sunglasses. He sports a red velvet jacket with collar popped. 

Bucky’s lips thin and Steve shakes his head, “you’re late,” the latter rebukes. 

“It’s a party, capsicle. Chill. Wait, don’t do that. We might not see you for another seventy years.” 

Steve scowls and takes another bite of his muffin. Bucky picks at his own and looks away. You nervously glance between them all. 

“Tony Stark,” the new arrival offers his hand, “but you already know that, don’t you, sweetheart? So who are you?” 

“Charming,” Steve comments. 

“It’s called getting to the point, Rogers. Some of us aren’t gonna wait around until they’re in the nursing home.” 

Steve growls and Bucky nudges him. The blond nods and looks at you, “I’ll see ya around.” 

“Sure,” you accept. Bucky waves with two fingers and follows Steve’s retreat. You turn back to Tony and shake his hand as you recite your name. “Nice to meet you.” 

“Natasha didn’t say this was a meet-cute,” he winks. 

“Ummm,” you glance around nervously. 

“Teasing ya. You look lost. You want the low-down on the dweebs,” he flicks his index towards the grass. “Now, you see, that kid right there, that’s Parker. His alias is top secret. For his safety. He might blurt it out anyway. And that’s his buddy Miles,” he points at to younger guests. “Someone should really separate them. We don’t need a mess.” 

He snickers and puts his arm around you as he moves you toward the top step of the deck, “and there’s the mighty God of Thunder. We all know the puppy dog, and then there’s his stray cat of a brother. Trust me, I tried to have him ejected into space but apparently, they can survive that.”

He tuts. “And there’s Bruce, good guy. When he’s calms. And Brock. Real question mark, that guy. Maria, Coulson, Sam, Strange; the better Steve if you ask me. And Wanda, her husband; I made him, his name is Vision but I guess Victor is more ‘human’.” 

He runs his hand up your arm as he pulls you closer, “there’s Charles, he prefers Professor, and his group of ragtag individuals. I could tell you their names but I’m already bored. Oh, except that one, the angry one with the swoopy hair. That’s Logan. Leave him alone. He’s even worse than the bozo with the vibranium arm. 

“Now, T’Challa has more important things to do so we don’t got anyone else worth mentioning,” he drags his hand down your sleeve then lets go, “I’m sure you’ll be tired of all of us before the night’s done. I assure you, heroes save people, not the vibe.” 

He clicks his tongue and jumps off the top step. You watch him strut off and you stare after him. There’s a lot more people than you expected. Familiar but still strangers.  

The only good thing is there’s more than enough guests for you to fade into the background. You’re tempted to go back in and offer to help Natasha. You know better than that. She always sees right through you. She’ll know immediately that you’re just hiding from social interaction. 

🔥

The night wears on into darkness. The large pit burns brightly as voices buzz and shadows waver. You stand watching the lick of flames, unnoticed amid the furor. Or so you think. 

“Hey, there’s cider left,” Bucky appears at your side, his sleeve brushing yours. “Got you a top up.” 

“Oh, that’s... nice.” You accept the glass as he holds another for himself. “You didn’t have to.” 

“You look... lonely. I don’t know. Felt bad. You went to all that trouble and you’re wading through this sea of people you don’t know.” He shrugs. “Hate these things myself. I just came ‘cause Nat asked. Well, she tells. You know, you can’t say no to her.” 

“Ha, yeah,” you agree. She isn’t just strong-willed, she’s intimidating. 

“I usually end up just drifting around until everyone’s distracted, then I dip,” he explains. “Or find somewhere quiet.” He quiets to take a sip, “how about it? Everyone’s out here, there’s a sofa up on the deck.” Your teeth chatter as you try to taste the cider, “and A blanket.” 

“Mm, it said it wasn’t supposed to get cold,” you look down embarrassed. You finally get a mouthful. It’s sweeter than before. Maybe because there’s no whiskey. 

“Huh, well, you don’t gotta hang out with a boring old man like me. Just figured I’d offer,” he says. 

“Thanks, that’s nice.” 

“Well, I can be nice when I want to,” he raises his glass slightly and turns away. 

As he marches off, you watch his back. Your eyes wander around. No one else even notices you. They’re all so wrapped up in each other. Even Natasha’s barely stopped to chat. 

“Wait,” you call after Bucky, “I could sit down.” 

He stops and turns as you scurry after him. The fire light flickers and limns the sharp angles of his face. He waits until your right beside him to continue on. 

“So, you already know what I do for work. What about you?” He asks as you climb the steps in tandem. 

“I’m a cashier,” you answer. “I work at a pet store.” 

“Hm, I like animals,” he leads you to the sofa. You can see the glow of the fire but the voices aren’t so raucous from up there. 

“Yeah, we mostly just have birds and hamsters there. Nothing very big. It’s a small place,” you explain. “I... It’s a new job.” You keep yourself from mentioning that the shelter helped you find it. It’s not really what you want to do forever, but it’s something. 

“Still, that’s nice. You get to help people in your own way. Make sure they can spoil their pet,” he leans back as he balances his glass over one knee and you drink deeply from your own. “I got a cat. Demanding. A bit abusive.” He laughs then chokes on it. “Jeez, I’m sorry. That was a bad joke.” 

You shake your head, “no, it’s not... really. I’m not upset.” 

“You sure?” He angles towards you. 

“Yeah, really. I can handle it,” you say. 

He nods and hums, “yeah, I’m sure you’ve dealt with worse than words.” 

You’re silent as you look down at the cup. You take another sip. He clears his throat as he shifts in the seat. He reaches back to put slide his phone from the back of his jeans. He leans forward to place it on the table. 

“Ugh,” he sits back. “Better.” 

You smile, “well, you don’t just work, do you? When did you get your cat?” 

“Oh, she just made herself at home really. It wasn’t exactly a conscious or willing choice,” he laughs. You fold one arm around your middle and shiver again. “Ah, where’s that blanket--” 

He reaches to the back of the couch and pulls down the blanket. It hits his glass and he loses grip of both. He huffs as he soaks the flannel in cider. 

“Damn,” he stands and holds out the sopping blanket before it can drip onto him or the couch. “Just like me. Hold on. I’ll go get another blanket and clean this up.” 

He untangles the cup from the blanket and sidles past you. You sit back silently as he heads for the back door. You glance over and consider sneaking over to the table to pick at the leftovers. Instead, you huddle down against another evening breeze.  

You finish all but a mouthful of side and reach to place it on the wooden table. His phone lights up and draws your attention. You blink as your eyes instinctively find the screen. You get a glimpse of the wallpaper right before it goes dark again. Huh? 

You shake off what you think you saw and the phone lights up again. You lean over and sink your teeth around the gasp that threatens to spill out. That can’t be. 

You check over your shoulder before you reach for the phone. You tap the side button and gape at your own image staring back at you. There’s a chat bubble floating on the front screen; new messages. You tap and expand the preview. It’s from Nat; ‘you find her?’ 

Your stomach sinks and you nearly drop the phone. The door opens and you quickly set it back down and sit back. You cross your arm and stare out at the other guests. Nothing can happen as long as you don’t leave. 

He comes back and you flinch as he drapes a blanket over you. He drops down onto the couch as he pulls it snug around your front. He drags his grip down the edges before he lets go. “Better?” 

“Mhmm,” you agree and blink. Your eyes feel dry. You reach up to rub them. 

“Really good cider. You’ll have to send me the recipe,” he insists. 

“Sure,” you slur and try to shake it off. “I’ll find the link...” you swallow and cough. You don’t feel right. You need some space to think. “I need to use the bathroom, one sec.” 

You try to stand but don’t even get your ass off of the sofa before you slump over. Your head crashes into Bucky’s shoulder. He opens his arm around you and rubs your back. He hushes you as you babble. 

“You’re okay, baby,” he rubs your back, “I got you.” 

You try to make a noise but you can’t. You can’t whine or whimper or scream. You can just squeak as he pushes you back up so you fall back against the arm. 

“I measured...” he says quietly. “You shouldn’t pass out.” 

You gurgle and lift your arm. It takes so much effort that it drops down like a bag a sand. The cider...

He shifts and stands, moving your leg behind him before he lowers himself back down. His hand rests on your thigh. His thumb presses into your soft flesh. 

“God, you’re so beautiful, doll,” he traces up and down the seam of your pants. “Absolutely gorgeous.” He runs his finger along your pelvis, making a vee back and forth, “soft and... warm.” 

“B--B—B--” you stutter. 

“The moment I saw you, I knew you needed me,” he moves even closer, his hand crawling up your stomach. “Whoever chased you into that place, he didn’t deserve you. You deserve better.” 

He moves carefully, lifting himself and twisting onto his knees. His hand glides back along your thigh as he folds it around him. You twitch but can’t do more than that. He bends and holds himself over you. 

He curls an arm under your head and nuzzles you. Your eyes roll back as you hide behind your eyelids. This can’t be real. What is he doing? How can he have photos of you on his phone? And that text... did Natasha set this up? Why would she do that? She’s your friend. 

“Look at me,” he growls. His voice is scary. Your eyes snap open and you groan. The tip of his nose rolls around yours. “God, you’re beautiful. Doll, I’m gonna take such good care of you.” He leans his pelvis against you as he presses down, “I’m going to keep you safe.” 

He tilts his hips until you feel his bulge against you. Your eyes round and you puff out a foggy breath. What is he doing? 

“Don’t look away,” he snarls as he slides his arm back and grips the back of your head. “Mmm, I just... I love the way you look at me. The way you feel beneath me.” He rasps as he rocks his hips steadily, “I can’t wait to have you on me, doll. To feel you on top of me. Around me. Mm, I wanna taste you so bad. 

“Mm, your chest,” he touches your tits, “your stomach, your hips,” his hand explores with his declaration and he hooks his hand under you, “your ass. All mine.” 

His coarse whispers tingle through you. What he says is nasty and wrong and yet it’s thrilling. Terrifying because you can do nothing to stop him. Defeating because all the people only feet away won’t either. 

[vi-steponmeplease]

BODY DYSMORPHIA

REQUEST: billie being rrly worried about r eating problems?

a/n: before we get into the fic, i just want to remind everyone that your struggles are valid. i understand where you're coming from and i promise you, you're perfect just as you are, inside and out. you don't need to be slim to be beautiful. that's just society's and men's messed up standards. this is just one of many serious & important topics and i want you to know that my messages are always open if you need to vent, talk, or simply have someone listen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

pairings - concernedgf!billie x insecure!reader

genre - angst, fluff, suggestive

synopsis: struggling with body image and online criticism, you find comfort as billie lovingly supports you and helps you confront your insecurities with understanding and care.

tw: heavy mentions of body dysmorphia & an eating disorder.

word count: 1.1K

you don't have to change you're perfect the way you are

⟡

she's a pretty girl without the filter she looks beautiful with no makeup on

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

"How about In-N-Out?"

Wide grins spread across everyone's faces as they nod in agreement, then turn to you, waiting for your response. Your gaze shifts to Finneas in the driver’s seat, then to Claudia in the passenger seat, before skimming over Alex and Zoe on your right, and finally landing on Billie—your girlfriend—seated to your left.

"Oh, uh, I'll actually just skip. I already ate, so I'm full," you say with a casual shrug.

"You sure you don't want something for later?" Billie asks, a soft chuckle escaping her lips as she lightly squeezes your knee. "I know you. You always say you're not hungry, then an hour later, you're begging me to get you something to eat."

You force a smile, shaking your head. "I'm sure."

During the drive to the fast-food joint, you pull out your phone, your lips pressing into a tight frown as you scroll through the comments left by Billie’s fans on her most recent post—some cruel and cutting, others trying to defend you.

quenxbillie4life: what an ugly fatass bitch prob js a gold digger ↳ ronniel0vesbils: do u even KNOW billie? she's struggled sm with body image. have u heard not my responsibility? u have no right to say that abt her gf.

billieeilishnoticeme69: BIG BACK BIG BACK BIG BACK

billybiggestfan: elephants don't deserve to date global stars like billy ↳ ronniel0vesbils: lmao didn't even spell her name right u fake fan😭

billiespitonme: @ronniel0vesbils is legit fighting for her life out here LMFAO

The harsh words sting, and though the supportive replies are there, they feel drowned out by the negativity. You glance out the car window, trying to shake the ache in your chest, but the comments linger like a shadow.

You try to conceal your exhaustion, but it’s hard to ignore the countless nights spent sobbing, curled up with your knees to your chest, rocking back and forth as you desperately pray to wake up with a model’s body the next day.

But it never happens. And each passing day only deepens the growing hatred you feel toward yourself.

Why would Billie ever choose someone like you?

She’s one of the most ethereal-looking women on the planet, effortlessly breathtaking in a way that leaves you in awe. She never seems to have a bad moment, always stunning. Yet somehow, out of everyone, she chose you.

You sit silently, watching everyone enjoy their burgers and sip on their drinks, all the while wishing the ground would open up and swallow you whole. Deep down, you’ve convinced yourself that you’re not even worthy of a good meal—that starving yourself is just the price you have to pay to lose weight.

Your eyes drop to your hands resting in your lap, fingers fidgeting with your nails as a quiet sigh escapes. Slumping further into the seat, you tune out the lively conversations and laughter of your friends, letting the background noise blur into nothingness.

"You okay, baby?"

The gentle voice snaps you out of your thoughts. You hear the jingle of keys being tossed onto the coffee table, followed by soft footsteps padding across the wooden floor. Billie appears in the doorway, leaning against the frame with concern etched across her face. "You were acting a little weird today."

You glance away, offering only a small nod in response, but Billie isn’t convinced. She crosses the room and sits beside you, the mattress dipping under her weight as she exhales softly. Her ring-clad hand comes to rest lightly on your knee.

"You sure?" she presses, her voice tender. "You usually never say no to burgers."

A bitter chuckle slips out before you can stop it, the comment twisting into an unintentional jab at yourself. Are you really such a glutton that even Billie notices the sudden change? The thought stings.

"Yeah," you mutter, your tone tinged with self-deprecation. "That just might be the issue." You roll your eyes at your typical eating habits, the words dripping with sarcasm and frustration.

Billie’s brows knit together, a faint crease forming on her forehead as she shifts closer, tilting her head thoughtfully. “Ah,” she murmurs, her lips pressing into a thin line. “I get it, love. I know how you feel—I’ve been through it.”

Her hand moves up to your arm, fingers tracing gentle, soothing patterns across your skin. “I want you to know I’m here for you. Always. You’re not alone in this, and you never will be.” Her voice is soft but firm, her words wrapping around you like a warm embrace.

“Anything you ever want to tell me, I’m listening. And,” she adds, a small, playful smile tugging at the corner of her mouth, “you can’t be stressing your pretty little head about all this without me being involved, got it?”

Your lips curl into a soft smile, but the harsh, critical thoughts about your appearance still linger, refusing to be silenced.

Billie notices the unease in your expression. Her hand gives your arm a gentle squeeze before she guides you down onto the bed, your back pressing against the sheets and your head cradled by a pillow.

For a moment, your mind races. Really? Sex? Does she think a distraction like this will actually help right now?

Still, you push the thought aside, watching as Billie moves with quiet determination. Her fingers deftly unbutton your jeans, sliding them down your legs and tossing them onto the floor. She shifts her focus to your torso, carefully slipping your shirt over your head, leaving you in just your bra and underwear.

Instinctively, your hands fly to your stomach, trying to cover yourself. Even though Billie has seen you naked countless times, the habit of hiding feels ingrained—an automatic response to the insecurities clawing at you.

Billie is quick to pin your hands gently to your sides, her soft yet firm grip keeping them in place. Her lips brush against your jaw, leaving a trail of warmth as she moves down to your neck, collarbone, and then licks a slow, deliberate stripe down the valley of your breasts.

"Pretty fucking girl," she murmurs, her voice low and filled with adoration. A quiet groan escapes her lips as she shifts lower, her hands gliding across your skin, mapping every inch and curve with reverent care.

"I love you," she says, her words muffled as she presses her lips tenderly against your belly button. "So fucking much, angel. You’re perfect."

Her hands drift to your thighs, squeezing them gently before she peppers a trail of featherlight kisses along their length. “I love every curve, every inch of this gorgeous body,” she whispers, her tone steady and unwavering, as if daring your insecurities to challenge her conviction.

"And that's never, ever going to change."

[novantinuum]

jen's "Hard-Light Hybrid Steven" headcanon dump

Okay so I'm just making this its own post, because frankly at this point... the original post is so hard to get all the pulp out of due to the headcanons being spread over multiple reblogs and half of it being in the tags.

So here we go. Self indulgent headcanon time. This is how I'm now personally interpreting things within the realm of my own fic work and the post-canon storylines that live in my mind. This is NOT, however, a work of meta- I am by no means suggesting this to be what I see as "canon," only having some fun playing around with ideas I think are cool on a speculative fantasy anatomy level. Take it as you will basically, lol. This is ultimately just for me.

With that stated:

"jen what the fuck do you mean when you say hard-light hybrid Steven, what are you even suggesting"

Essentially I am proposing that Steven becomes progressively more hard-light based in form as he ages. When he was born he was two almost entirely separate halves mashed together- organic and gem- and those two halves slowly but surely merge over the years (hard light replacing organic matter) until one day they are literally inseparable, and Steven is one permanently cohesive being... entirely hewn from hard-light, but with a level of anatomical complexity that still makes him a complete anomaly amongst Gems and humans alike. Instead of the innards of his body being solid light, he is still formed of cells- only now, those cells are entirely hard-light.

His gem is somehow mimicking the form of organic matter with a level of detail that's absolutely unobtainable by shapeshifting or tailored reformation alone. Steven has become the single most complex hard-light system to have ever existed.

Some more specifics on how I imagine this merge working:

Much of the "merging" is natural over time, basically his gem branching out new bits of hard-light circuitry within his body as it integrates within his system.

However, this process is sped up significantly by all the spills and injuries Steven deals with throughout his childhood... because his body's instinctive response to injury is simply to replace damaged cells with hard-light analogues. An almost instantaneous patch job.

Steven's component halves being so distinct early on is a large reason why he takes so long to harness many of his powers.

This is also why Steven's (mostly) organic half is so weakened during the split in Change Your Mind- at that point there's a lot about his anatomy that's been converted to hard-light, so it's basically as if White Diamond yanked the power source out.

(Same idea for why he's so weakened during the movie when his gem's on the fritz... his gem's connection with the rest of his body got partially severed for a time, which. Is not Good for someone who at this point is more hard-light than not hard light.)

At a certain point post-canon, it becomes impossible for Steven's organic and gem halves to be separated. They are so tightly integrated that attempting to remove the gem would only poof him.

Now, here's the thing though...

Steven does not realize that Any of this is taking place until the blunt reality of his strange new anatomical nature is put on display for all to see... when he actually DOES poof.

Here is how (in my own post-canon musings, which I have simplified here because y'all don't live inside all the intensive lore that jangles about my brain) I envision that taking place:

So, Steven would be in his mid to late twenties at this point. He's married to Connie, and they have an infant son.

Recently, there was a fairly severe Gem incident that left Beach City and Little Homeworld pretty damaged. Things are still being mopped up from that.

Steven, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl head out on a quick mission one day to intercept one of the last few supporters of the Gem who attacked the Crystal Gem's hub of operation, and at first it seems like it's gonna be a straightforward trip.

Then, Steven sees the Gem in question pull a destabilizer wand on Garnet, and- unwilling to watch her to get ripped apart like that again- throws himself in between. He can take it, he thinks. These things never hurt him one bit as a kid

He cannot take it.

He poofs.

His gem unceremoniously falls to the ground, along with the clothes he was wearing and whatever he had in his pockets.

Cue the others going "what the actual FUCK" because based on everything they've ever witnessed and known about him no one had "Steven poofs" on their bingo card.

The insurgent Gem is captured and dealt with, but now... oh, boy. There's literally no playbook for this. Nobody knows what to expect.

Steven's gem is quiet for WEEKS. During that time, the Gems end up consulting the Diamonds on Homeworld to ask for intel on diamond reformation, but none of them are much help- Rose and Steven are the only ones who have actually poofed. Beyond them, this is completely unprecedented.

In a very vague sense, Steven is aware of what must have happened during this time... (even if a part of him wants to deny it, because How???)

He can pick up vague snippets of what's happening just beyond his reach... catching voices and what must be faint sensations of familiar people handling his gem, but beyond that he has no awareness of the passage of time, and he has no means by which to reach out to them mentally.

It takes almost two months for him to finally reform. When he does, his gem quickly shifts through its previous three forms and then just... outright h a n g s for a while on the new one... as if what's trying to "load" up is so complex it's goddamn buffering.

(my brain can only think of This image uyhjfsdbyuhjfg)

No one really knows what to expect but when he finally reforms, he... looks mostly the same? Still rather human in appearance, externally? The only notable difference is that his irises are pink now. (But with no diamond pupil- not unless he's going Full Power Mode.)

Steven also reforms WITH an outfit much like a Gem would.

The second he's back, he runs to embrace Connie (who is sobbing in relief) and asks how long he was out.

And he did NOT anticipate that answer to be two months.

As it turns out, he missed quite a few baby milestones while he was gone, and he feels horrible about it- it's not his fault of course, but he feels so bad that Connie had to go that long without his support, and that there's all those special "firsts" with his son he'll never get to experience.

This whole incident marks Steven's final "retirement" from participating in real combat- he outright tells the Gems to not involve him in any other combat situations unless the whole ass planet is under threat, basically. The potential risks are just not worth it now that he knows how long he'd be out of commission, should he poof once more. He can't put his family through that again.

Now, with all that outlined...

Ways that Steven is Weird now:

He looks rather human- his hair looks like hair and his skin looks like skin- but after he reforms, literally every "cell" of his body is fashioned out of hard-light.

However, if one were to theoretically slice him in half (which I PROMISE I am not going to do, this is only a thought experiment ahahah-), his internal anatomy would glow much like the Gems' do. (See below image for what I mean.) The "human-like" appearance of his skin and hair and other externally visible features does not extend very deep.

He "bleeds" pink now- but it's only surface, and is all just excess hard-light. No real blood.

His body would no longer show up on a radiograph- just the gem.

Many of his anatomical features (not all of them, though) are now vestigial in certain ways-? Like, various functions have overtly been taken over by his gem... he doesn't need to breathe or have any lifeblood beyond light pumping through his system, so his heart and lungs serve no necessary purpose anymore... but all of these organs still "exist" as like an echo of what once was, perfect mimics of their organic form but hewn from hard-light.

That being said, Connie enjoys the reassurance of his heartbeat, so he retains that function while conscious.

(Not to mention, "breathing" is literally just a habit for him by this point.)

HOWEVER, when he sleeps (another thing he technically doesn't Need to do but does anyways) his breathing and heartbeat stops entirely and it kinda spooks Connie out. The literal only evidence she has that he's still kicking during these times is the soft hum of his gemstone.

He does not have a biological NEED for food or water anymore and can fully operate on exposure to light alone, but he still really enjoys eating and drinking anyways. In fact, he's still able to absorb energy from food... so it's basically like he's over-charging his battery or whatever. He also still experiences taste (so still posesses some form of taste receptors) and instinctively feels "hungry" at meal times, so like... the running theory is that he must have hard-light analogues for all these receptors and neurotransmitters and hormones that communicate sensations like hunger in his system even though their function is entirely redundant with his gem powering everything.

Furthermore, his memories and sense of self and everything one might refer to as "the soul" is stored exclusively in his gem now. Which means, if one could manage to analyze his brain like one could with a human brain, there would be entire sections that simply... don't light up the way that others (such as the parts of the brain that govern motor control, as an example) do. This is because all the "data" once stored there has migrated.

He can fully shapeshift now, if he wanted to.

He can also still visually "age"- it's all based on his mental state, same as before.

But despite being hard-light in nature now, he can still interface with organics in fusion because his form is still so organic in shape and function. He's still the bridge between humanity and gemkind. I like to think that... theoretically... a Gem might be able to fuse with an organic too, but the sheer burden of trying to shapeshift and maintain such cellular complexity is what stops this from happening.

Steven, though? His very existence as a hybrid acted as a template by which hard-light could learn to understand organic life. He is still an intensely unique being, even IF he no longer consists of any actual organic matter.

_

I am sure I will probably add something to this later, but for now, those are all my musings.

Anyways, thank you for taking a brief visit to the deepest recesses of my brain, where I am chewing at the drywall and bouncing around the room like a cat who has just devoured the goddamn motherlode of catnip. Good night! !! :DDD

[pro-sipper]

I understand that we should just block content we don't wanna see, but I still think things like proships or ships that are wrong and illegal in irl should be kept private. Because that is exposing kids to the romantization of abuse, incest, and pedophilia. This content may expose them to predators, which could cause them harmful trauma, the type that people claim to use proshipping for. They may think that a person older than them liking a kid is ok, even though the adult has bad intentions. We know that they are fictional characters, but they represent real people and can still affect kids. And if this isn't supposed to affect them irl, why do so many groomers show proship media and illegal art to grow kids?

Don't want to start anything just curious

I think the short version of the argument is basically "the internet shouldn't have to be a 100% sanitized and safe space for children". But getting further into it...

"but I still think things like proships or ships that are wrong and illegal in irl should be kept private."

It's not worth mentioning now but "proships" aren't a thing. Proship doesn't stand for problematic ship, it's not an adjective.

My question is why this line of thinking only applies to ships? Murder and cannibalism are also illegal, but no one's going around saying you should keep your love of horror to yourself, or only watch R rated movies in the privacy of your own home.

"Because that is exposing kids to the romantization of abuse, incest, and pedophilia."

The majority of people interacting with media like this, or making posts about this, DO NOT want kids interacting with their content! They slap every rating, warning label, and trigger tag under the sun onto their work to say that it is not for kids. At the end of the day, that's all you can do. It is not one random proshipper's job to shelter every single child in the world.

Furthermore, kids are exposed to that crap from plenty of other places besides randos on tumblr. Walking into a library or turning on a television can easily expose kids to these topics just as much as going onto ao3 or opening tumblr could. That doesn't mean every professional author or tv writer on earth needs to create art that's palatable for children. Because that's not their responsibility.

"This content may expose them to predators"

It's grim to say, but literally anything on earth could potentially expose a child to a predator. Getting on the bus, going to the park, going to school, going to church, going to a friend's house, going home. Honestly I think it's a bit of a privileged mindset to think that a child would be 100% safe in this world if it weren't for faceless boogeymen online committing the sin of writing dark fic of their Blorbos.

"which could cause them harmful trauma,"

Again, that trauma could come from anywhere. And you're putting the weight of preventing that onto random strangers online, not anyone who's concretely in the hypothetical child's life, or actually responsible for them

"the type that people claim to use proshipping for"

Appreciate the subtleties of invalidating other people's trauma. Just because you don't have the same coping mechanisms doesn't mean theirs are invalid. Especially when countless licensed therapists agree that writing is one of the better ways you can help process trauma.

And to state the obvious, you don't need to have trauma to be a proshipper. Not everyone uses dark content for self reflection, some people just think it's neat.

"They may think that a person older than them liking a kid is ok, even though the adult has bad intentions."

A kid should not be getting 100%, or even most of their life lessons from fictional media. Parents, guardians, teachers, and other trusted adults in a child's life are the ones who need to teach them right from wrong, and how to protect themselves. I remember being a kid and being told by my mom "now if a stranger pulls up to you and says they lost their puppy and they'll give you candy if you help them look for it, do NOT go with them". That was her job as a parent.

Now I know that sadly, not every child has that kind of trusted adult in their life. But it's not the responsibility of a bunch of fanfic authors on tumblr to fill in the gaps.

"We know that they are fictional characters, but they represent real people and can still affect kids."

It doesn't matter how closely or loosely fiction depicts our reality, it's still just fiction at the end of the day. Movies have been using the whole "Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental" disclaimer for almost as long as there have been movies.

"And if this isn't supposed to affect them irl, why do so many groomers show proship media and illegal art to grow kids?"

One, art is not illegal. Unless you get caught graffiti-ing, then you might get fined. And no one is saying this kind of thing can't affect a child. But why, in this scenario, are you putting the blame on fanfic authors and fanartists before putting the blame on the actual groomer??

And again I ask, what exactly is "proship media" anyway? I'm guessing the kind of stuff that constantly appears on people's DNI lists, which could be anything from Steven Universe to Cannibal Holocaust, so who really knows??

Like I said in the short version, the internet should not have to be sanitized for the sake of the children. The entire internet does not need to be one giant safe space for kids. Adults have a right to talk about adult things with other adults. To explore dark topics in fiction, or to have fun with taboos in a harmless way.

I want the world to be safe for kids too. But the way to do that isn't to forbid adults from posting shit online. Instead of trying to shield children from every controversial, difficult, or uncomfortable topic under the sun, give them the tools they need to learn how to process these things.

Be a safe person to talk to if a kid has a question. Help them understand why something might be okay in a fantasy setting, but it's not something that should carry over into real life (like, a fairy tale prince kissing an sleeping princess to break a curse is fine, but in real life where there's no magic you should always make sure someone is okay with it before kissing them. Something like that)

Teach them internet safety, above all else. When I was a kid, you didn't give out any personal info. Nowadays kids have no qualms about giving out their full name, age, list of phobias and disorders, showing their school, their house - the list goes on.

Honestly, I think we need to go back to scaring kids with Stranger Danger, at least a little. But that's starting to veer into a different topic and I think I've said all I need to say about this one today.

[mattsnight]

Who is he? - Matt sturniolo

Summary: in which you call matt some other guy’s name and he makes you regret it.

Warnings: smut, cursing, oral (female!receiving)

Requested?: yes, by @berry-bomb23 (couldn’t tag the blog itself.)

A/N: this is my 9th smutmas fic! I’ll be posting every 2 days for this challenge<3 i hope yall are loving it

18++

Based on this request !

“Mason, can you pass me the remote please?” You say, oblivious about the fact you had just called your boyfriend a different name. Matt’s eyes shot up at your words. Did you really just call him that? “Wait— i—” you start, but you get cut off.

Matt’s jaw clenches in anger “Who is Mason to you? Is he a friend? A coworker? Or is he more?” he demands, his eyes searching yours for any hint of deceit. “No one! I don’t know, matt!” You really didn’t know who mason was, nor did you know why you just said it. “Bullshit,” He exclaims, standing up and running a hand through his hair, a sign that you’ve seen many times before – he’s incredibly upset. “You’re lying to me, Y/N. You said Mason like it was nothing.”

You look away, regret filling you up.

“Look at me," he demands, his voice softer but still carrying an edge of hurt and anger. His eyes meet yours, filled with pain. "After everything we've been through, how could you do this? Who is this Mason to you?"

“He’s no one, matt! I promise you. I don’t know why i said it.” You say, completely frustrated with yourself. Not ever in your life would you dare to even touch another man other than your boyfriend and now you are here. “Sit on the counter.” Matt looks at you, his hand in his hair. “What?” You ask, your face showing nothing but confusion. “Sit. On. The. Counter,” he repeats, his voice cold and firm. He points to the kitchen counter, his eyes never leaving yours. “Now, Y/N. Before I lose my patience completely.”

“Take your shirt off.” Your eyes shoot up as he says that. You stay silent, not doing anything. In a low, serious tone he says "Do it now, or I'll do it for you - and we both know you don't want that." His hands tremble slightly with barely contained anger as he reaches for the hem of your shirt "Last chance."

You take off your shirt slowly, revealing your black lace bra. His eyes narrow as he takes in the sight of you in just your bra, his anger still simmering just below the surface. "Legs apart." he commands, his voice low and authoritative. "Now." You hesitate again for a moment before slowly spreading your legs apart. "Good."

He moves closer, his tall frame towering over you on the counter “you know.. i think you should beg for it this time, since you just called me some dickheads name.” he reaches out and grabs your chin, forcing you to look up at him "Beg me to forgive you, Y/N. Beg me to forget that you ever said his name." his other hand rests on your knee, applying gentle pressure to spread your legs further apart.

“Please.. please matt.. I’m sorry.” A small whine leaves your mouth as you say those words. You felt pathetic being like this in-front of him. His eyes soften slightly at your pleases and apologies, but the anger is still present in his gaze. "maybe i should teach you a lesson, hm?" he squeezes your chin gently, his thumb rubbing against your lip. Then, he leans down and presses a soft kiss to your mouth, his hand still holding your chin. "Maybe i should show you what happens when you lie to me." he pulls back slightly, his breath warm against your lips. "Maybe i should make you forget all about this Mason character."

“Maybe you should.” You say with full confidence. A smirk crosses his face at your defiant response "That's right... maybe i should." his hand moves from your chin to your hair, gently pulling your head back to expose your neck "Maybe I should make you say my name instead..."

He leans in and presses his lips against your neck, his free hand moving up to unhook your bra with ease. He tosses it aside, his eyes roaming over your exposed chest hungrily. "Maybe I should mark you as mine, so everyone knows who you belong to."

“Please…” you whine.

“Please what? Make you forget all about him? Show you exactly why you shouldn't have lied to my face?” his hand trails down your side, fingers dangerously close to the waistband of your pants. “I didn’t lie! It was a mistake, matt!” You say. He straightens up suddenly, grabbing your face with both hands, his eyes intense “Listen, Y/N. I don't give a fuck if it was a ‘mistake' or not. I don’t want another man’s name come out of your pretty mouth.”

He takes off your shorts, tossing them aside, his large hands gripping your thighs possessively as he steps between your legs. He runs his fingers along the hem of your underwear, his eyes locked with yours, daring you to look away. He presses against you, his hardness evident against your most intimate part "The only name I want to hear leaving those perfect lips is mine. Understand?" one hand trails up your thigh, dangerously close to where you want it most.

A smirks forms on his face at your submission, pushing your underwear aside with one finger and sliding it inside you "That's better... say it again." his voice is low and husky as he begins to move his finger in and out slowly "Say my name."

“Oh matt.” You moan out as you feel him enter you with his finger. A satisfied growl escapes his throat at the sound of his name on your lips "shittttt" he adds another finger, his thumb circling your sensitive spot. Suddenly, he pulls his fingers out, standing up and unbuckling his belt. It drops to the floor with a clatter "Turn around and bend over the counter, Y/N." his voice is deep, commanding, filled with primal desire "I want to take you from behind this time."

You do as he says, bending over against the counter. He runs his hands possessively over your curves, positioning himself behind you. “Such a good girl following orders...” his voice is thick with desire as he runs his cock along your entrance. "Now tell me who owns this tight pussy." his hands grip your hips firmly. “You!” You cry out, feeling desperate for his cock inside of you.

He starts to thrust into you, burying himself completely. "That's fucking right. All mine..." one hand moves to your neck, pulling you back against him roughly as he begins to move "Every inch of you..."

“Shit matt!” You say as he pulls out almost completely before slamming back into you. "Fuck yeah, Y/N... take it... take my fucking cock..." his voice is a groan, filled with possession and desire. He reaches under you, his fingers finding your clit and rubbing it as he continues to pound into you. "Come on, baby... let go... let me feel that tight pussy squeeze my dick..." he grunts with each word, his thrusts becoming erratic and powerful.

“Im gonna.. im.. fuck!” You cry out as you feel waves of pleasure wash over you. He feels you tighten around him as you climax, his own release following shortly after "Fuck... fuck yes..." his body tenses, his hips jerking against yours as he empties himself inside you "Goddamn... that's my girl."

He slowly pulls out, helping you stand upright. "Stay like that... all messed up and satisfied." his other hand traces his cum dripping from your entrance "Marked by me..."

“Bet mason don’t fuck with you like i do.” He leans down, pressing a soft kiss to your hair before straightening back up and walking out of the room, leaving you standing there, panting and sated.

Yeah, you definitely forgot about Mason.

[redfoxwritesstuff]

First off, as the year comes to a close, I want to say a few words of thanks. You see, I came back to fanom this year, not knowing my place or if I could find a place for me again.

Instead, one thing lead to another and I found a new fandom. One that, for all of it's toxic reputation- one very well earned thanks to a vocal subset within the fandom- has been ever so welcoming to me.

It has been that welcoming nature that has driven me to write over half a million words in the last twelve months. It is the eager interaction with artists and writers that the Hazbin Hotel fandom carries at its very core that makes it so much more than the negative reputation it has amassed.

It is the passion and drive of the fandom that has encouraged and rewarded me to write things I'm uncomfortable with, to write things I don't personally like or understand. It has driven me to challenge myself and broaden my writing horizons.

With that, I will be taking a short break. Just a few days where I'll be prioritizing myself, rotting on the couch, watching tv and resting. While I have enjoyed the countless challenges that Kinktomber and Smutmas provided me with but the reality is writing what amounts to a fic every other day while running a long series and having people waiting on another long series- it isn't sustainable.

So I'm going to take a few days, rest and I will be back with healthier writing habits. Just in time to drop the New Year's Kisses

While I have nothing but love for the Hazbin Hotel Fandom, there is something I would like to address. Below is a fraction of the asks I have gotten this last week. I get these types of messages a few times or so a week, nearly every week.

Why am I showing you this?

You see, I've said often for the last year that I get hate. It's a terrible side of the Hazbin community and while I suspect I know who sent at least one of these messages, and others that I have not shared. Some of it is, I believe, targeted harassment from people I once counted as friends or in the case of others, was on a friendly basis with.

That being said, in sharing these, I am breaking my own rule. You see, as a personal rule, I do not respond directly to anon hate. I do not discuss it in detail, I rarely even share it in screenshots with my friends.

There's a reason why I have this rule. You see, in sharing of anon hate, you give it life. You fan the flames. Your friends and your readers are called to defend you. It creates a storm of attention for the senders who observe from the sidelines.

The reality is- we as a fandom decide what is acceptable within it. We do not have to accept this toxic behavior. We do not have to share it. We do not have to give it life.

An abuser thrives off the power they have over you. They thrive off your reactions. They thrive of your pain. They thrive off knowing they can control the fandom, who is posting in it and what.

Personally- I do not give them that power in my space. Honestly, I recommend you don't either.

Their words mean nothing. Their hate? Worthless. At the end of the day, they're trying to crush you because they see something in you that they wish they had.

I see writers and artists leaving this fandom left and right in response to hate so here I am, airing my own dirty laundry to show that these disgusting little mites within the fandom- they're coming after more than just you. They're coming after more than just the ones sharing the hate.

If you're getting messages like these, reach out to your friends and fellow creators within your network. Lean on each other. You don't have to give it air and you also don't have to suffer in silence.

I am blessed to not have to suffer in silence. I've got @redvexillum and @nyx-umbrakinesis and many others who stand beside me, who stop me from feeling like I'm drowning in hate and burning this whole thing down. Because of their support, I don't need to respond to the hate directly.

But for you- my fellow writers and artists, I'm sharing it this one time as a reminder that you are not alone.

So may your new year's resolution be to stay, to continue creating and to continue being something they are jealous of.

May you shine bright in this upcoming year, Mama Kit

[lokisprettygirl]

Rain to his Fire (Modern! Daemon Targaryen x Female Reader) (Non Canon 80s Au) (18+)

Read chapter 8 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 9

Summary: Criston unknowingly casts a shadow of doubt in your head regarding daemon

Warning: 18+, smut, crude language, description of Statutory rape, discussion of mental health (it's a fic based in a mental health facility), mention of child molestation, mention of physical assault, the fic would contain several mentions of several disorders like mpd, did etc, if something triggers you don't read, smoking,

You took Criston to your quarters on the 4th floor as he dragged along with you in such urgency. He had a file hanging around in his other hand and you couldn't deny that your curiosity was piqued especially if it was in relation to Tanya. Daemon had been so all over your head and everywhere else that for a moment you had forgotten that she wasn't in this world anymore. Shyla stopped in her tracks as she watched you drag officer Criston to your quarters. The smirk on her face was annoying even from the distance.

“Hey is everything alright?” You asked once you both entered the room, so he looked around your space before he nodded.

“Nothing to worry about..i just figured that you'd like to see this” he passed you the file so you took it from him, the folder had Tanya's name written on the top and as you flipped the cover you saw several pictures of her.

“When was this?” You asked as you saw her in front of the Christmas tree with presents scattered all around her, she had a loving family growing up, that you knew very well as she'd often talk about her hometown.

“Last Christmas” he told you so you nodded in response. You remembered her leaving for home last Christmas, and she really seemed happy post her return.

“Oh Tanya” you muttered under your breath as you looked at her smiling face but then your eyes widened as you saw something that you couldn't really make sense of. How did she get that?

As you were about to flip through the last few pages Criston stepped closer to you and grabbed the file from you.

“Don't look any further” he said, his tone had a sense of warning to it so for once you listened.

“Why though?”

He stared at your neck for a moment before he looked up at you, but then his eyes drifted towards your neck again so you shifted on your spot uncomfortably.

“Is there something on my face?” you chuckled nervously so he gave you a smile.

“No nothing..it's just you should cover that up” he told you so you looked at him confused before you beelined towards the mirror and saw the big blue bruise forming on your neck. A love bite. Daemon’s love bite. Embarrassment filled every sense of your being so you turned around and chuckled again.

“I burned myself with the hair straightener..ummm why can't I look?” You asked him again to change the conversation so he gave you a somber look.

“It's the pictures of her body when we found it..she was badly mutilated, it's very graphic” your brows furrowed as he said that.

“Ohhh”

You didn't think you wanted to see it either, you wanted to remember her the way she was and not as some girl found dead in the woods, she suffered in her last moments and the knowledge was already too grim for you, you didn't want the reminder of an image to go with that as well.

“So ummm what did you guys find?” you asked him as you crossed your arms together.

“I'm looking into it dear, I uhhh I'm sorry I just..if I was being honest I just wanted to see you” he stuttered a little and you could tell that perhaps he was infatuated with you, though you didn't understand why a handsome copper like him would even give you a second glance.

“I mean..there are not many familiar faces around here anymore” he covered up his nervousness with a half lie so you gave him a smile.

He might have visited you with an agenda of his own but you did find something in her photos that had you confused and scared a little.

“Ummm i ..I don't..i” before you could stutter further he interrupted you.

“Oh god I have made it weird now haven't i?”

“Oh noo no I am just not looking to ..date or anything like that, I don't do that” His brows raised as you said that before he let out a chuckle in disbelief.

“I didn't mean that i swear”

“Ohhh”

And now you were just mortified for assuming that he wanted to date you.

As you escorted him downstairs you passed by Shyla again and she gave you a smirk. Again.

“So she's single?” He asked you as he brushed his hair with his fingers so you gave him a look before you chuckled.

Well that was quick.

“Well as per my knowledge she is”

“Cool”

Once Criston left you ran back to your room and took out the box from the closet where you had kept the necklace Daemon had presented to you at the night of the gala. He had asked you to not wear it in front of Viserys and you didn't want to flaunt it around either so it was kept safely in the locker you had in your closet..

Taking a deep breath, you traced your fingers over the pendant, the delicate figure of a dragon etched into the valuable stone.

“Why did you have the same necklace Tanya?” You murmured under your breath as every hair on your neck stood up. She had it on in her Christmas photos. Daemon had told you that the necklace was a family heirloom, passed down from generations then how come she had the same necklace?

The similarity between this necklace and the one you had seen on Tanya was undeniable, and the thought sent a chill through you.

The thought overwhelmed you from head to toe, the euphoria you felt under Daemon this afternoon was now replaced with a feeling of mistrust and anxiety. He came here two days after she was discharged, and he had told you that he had hurt someone out there.

“No it can't be ..don't judge, don't be that person” you consoled yourself over and over again as you laid down in the bed that night but the thoughts consumed you. Overthinking made you want to find answers to questions you were too afraid to ask.

What if he is not who he says he is? Did he know Tanya somehow? What if Doctor Viserys was right about him being a charming psychopath? And what if you had fallen right into his trap? You were only listening to his side of the story after all.

Next morning you didn't even finish your duty, normally you'd be rushing to his room and spend time with him but today you waited for him to go to his therapy session. While cleaning you did find a bunch of silver feathers and hair under his bed and that only confused you deeper. A part of you still believed in him but now there was a crease of doubt lingering over you like a shadow now.

During lunchtime as you went to the cafeteria's kitchen Shyla walked towards you and grinned so you rolled your eyes, she was starting to get back to her chirpy self slowly.

“Sooo that hot policeman, can I get his number?” She asked you so you shrugged in response.

“You can ask him yourself the next time he visits” she opened her mouth to say something but you interrupted her “which he would because Tanya's case is still wide open”

“Argggh you're such a stickler y/n” you rolled your eyes as she said that.

“Can I ask you something?” You crossed your arms as you leaned against the wall so she stared at you, her expression made it apparent that she had an inkling about what you were going to ask.

“What about?’

“Did he really attack you?” You questioned in a no nonsense manner so she sighed.

“Yeah..he did, he got really aggressive all of a sudden, I don't know what I did or why” she mumbled firmly but you could tell she was lying or atleast hiding the truth.

As you stepped out you saw Daemon in his usual spot and once his eyes met yours he kept it still on you so you looked around and walked towards him.

“You need to stop staring at me like that” you told him as you pretended to clean the already clean table so he sniffed the air around him.

“Why didn't you come this morning? I was waiting” he asked softly so you looked away. Why didn't you go? Oh because you think that somehow he was involved in Tanya's murder.

“What is going on with you today? Nearing your menstrual cycle can't be the only reason” He asked so you glared at him.

“Why would you say that?” you asked him as if he was being absurd about his assumption.

“I'm sensing an energy I wasn't anticipating”

“What did you think would happen? I'd bend down and pray to you for giving me an orgasm?”

Okay maybe you were indeed going through your premenstrual crankiness.

“The best fucking orgasm and no i wasn't expecting that but a little affection would have been appreciated but here you are being a shrew for who knows what reasons”

You glared at him again but the look on his face softened your features, he seemed hurt and you didn't want to hurt him of all people. When you didn't say anything he got up and walked past you to leave the cafeteria.

You could have just talked to him instead of making assumptions that might not be true at all. He wasn't really wrong about you being a judgemental person.

Once he was out of sight you turned around and sprinted to the third floor and you were going to apologize and talk to him but then you saw him talking to Caroline, she was a young, beautiful, very hot redhead patient who had just been admitted yesterday, right next to Daemon's room. Watching them have a conversation only made you feel angrier and the last thing you wanted was to escalate this argument further. If that's what it was.

Daemon turned his head to watch you walking away and his jaw clenched, he knew women went through mood swings but he didn't really know how to tackle it. Perhaps you were embarrassed about yesterday, or felt guilty, that was your first proper sexual experience and it must have been overwhelming.

“So why are you here? You are too hot to be here”. Caroline’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts so he reverted his attention towards her.

“You go first” he responded, though he wasn't really interested anymore now that his thoughts were plagued by the sudden shift in your attitude towards him.

“I have sex ...a lot of sex” she answered him.

“Why is that bad?” he chuckled.

“Because it's a lot..the urge is just unreal and i have done some fucked up shit because of that” she seemed lost as she answered as if she was reliving those bad deeds in her mind.

“Well no judgment on my behalf”

“That's rare .. coming from a man...okay you go now” she asked him and he couldn't help but smirk.

“Well I am part human part dragon” he mumbled seriously so she chuckled before she let out a shrieking laugh.

“You're crazy aren't you? Good thing you're really hot” She winked at him before she walked past him to go to her room. “Seek me whenever you want, neighbor” she mumbled seductively as she stepped inside her room so he shook his head in response.

He couldn't afford to seek anyone anymore when he was deeply invested in someone else. Someone that was hell bent on raising his blood pressure every other day..

Later that evening as you came back to your room after your shift ended you saw Daemon lounging on your bed with his back resting against the headboard, he didn't have a shirt on as usual. How did he even get in? You always kept your door locked and the windows..well you could see now that your windows were open.

You stared at him for a moment so he gave you a sly smile,

“What are you doing?” You questioned as you took the cardigan off and placed it in the laundry bin.

“What are youuu doing and why? You have to talk to me, I don't do well with secrecy ..it makes me want to rip my feathers out”

You sighed deeply as he said that and walked towards the bed to sit down.

“I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to be so rude” you mumbled softly so he titled his head and stared at you as if he was trying to read your thoughts.

“What's going on? Are you regretting whatever we did yesterday, if that's so we never have to do it again -” you interrupted him before he could go on with that assumption.

“It's not that i swear”

“Then what is it?” his intense gaze bore deep into you so you sighed before answering.

“Criston came by yesterday and he had Tanya's file on him, he wanted to show me some pictures” he looked at you curiously at the mention of Criston, he knew that lad had severe hots for you.

“And?” he asked

“In one of the pictures she had the same necklace on her that you gave me on the night of the gala” his brow bone scrunched together as he tried to make sense of your words.

“That's not possible darling” he looked at you confused for a moment but then he connected the dots pretty quickly.

“I saw it with my own eyes, it was the same necklace”

“and you thought I had something to do with it?”

“Did you not? I'm sorry I judged you and ignored you but I need to know if you had something to do with her” he let out a sarcastic laugh as you said that but then his jaw clenched again.

“I didn't even know the girl”

“Then how did she have the necklace?” You stared at him as tears stung your eyes and then it made sense. Perhaps he wasn't lying to you. “Viserys..oh god. He gave the necklace to her, didn't he?”

“Genius aren't you?” he said as he chuckled slightly so you approached him.

“Daemon I'm sorry”

“I'm sure you are”

He got off the bed and walked past you so you stood up immediately and grabbed his arm to turn him towards you.

“I'm sorry..i really am”

“For what exactly?” he asked sharply, his anger and disappointment visible.

“For assuming and judging..” you placed your hands on his shoulders as you took a deep breath “It's just …i don't really know how to do this Daemon, i have been alone all my life and it's hard for me to trust people and I'm not used to being treated the way you treat me, how you care about me and -”

His lips latched onto yours before you could even finish your words so you wrapped your fingers around his neck and pulled him closer. You had plenty of questions but perhaps you needed this kiss too after the hide n seek you have been playing all day long with him.

“All you have to do is speak to me whenever you're passing these judgements in your head-” he paused between the kisses to mumble, then he cupped your cheeks to kiss you even more passionately this time.

“And do not avoid me like that, you're all I have here” a sense of vulnerability evident in his voice as he spoke so you wrapped your arms around his waist and placed your forehead down on his chest, his sweet mahogany scent filled your senses.

“The necklace? Why would Viserys give her the necklace?” you questioned him softly so he looked you in the eye.

“Perhaps to win her trust, that's what he does with his conquests, offers them the family heirloom to make them feel important and different from others” your eyes teared up but with disgust this time.

“but Tanya was his patient how could he-”

“Perhaps he indulged himself with bit of a forbidden affair-”

“She was so young”

“You think he cares?” You went quiet as he said that

“I'm just so confused daemon”

“I can tell”

“Why did you give me the necklace?”

“Because I wanted you to have it.. I know you don't trust me fully yet but I'm not trying to fool you here” There was a sense of sincerity in his tone, whenever he spoke to you this way you were inclined to believe him over anything else.

“Mhhhm You say that now but you wouldn't even look at me out there in the real world” your insecurity creeped in so he crossed his arms and smiled.

“Mmhmm is that so? Why? Am I blind in the world out there? Or have an aversion to pretty women?” he asked in a mocking tone so you stomped on your leg like a petulant child.

“You'd rather be with women who look like Shyla or ..or ..or your hot new neighbor”

“Mmmm half of that is actually true, I'd not wait one single night to have them into my bed” you tilted your head and bit on your cheek as his answer didn't really surprise you. But then he went on to say something you didn't really expect from him and it gave you feelings you have never really felt before in your life.

“You however, I would wait forever for you if you'd want me to”

“Oh you're smooth aren't you?” You mumbled amidst your flushed face and racing heart, hoping that he'd not notice how giddy he had made you feel with that remark.

“Come here ..kiss me” he whispered as he grabbed your chin and pulled you closer to kiss your cheek.

“Let me shower first..I stink..it's been a long day of me trying to run away from you” you placed your palms flat on his chest as you pushed him away a little in a playful manner and he couldn't help but smirk..

“You smell good to me darling” his arm went around your waist and he pulled you closer again so you looked up at him “Sweet..very natural, I fancy this much better than the cheap perfume you use in the morning” he mumbled as he placed his nose into the crook of your neck and you'd have felt an offense on the comment about the perfume but then he wasn't really wrong. Your fingers curled into his hair as you placed a soft kiss on his shoulder.

“Well I'm still going to shower and perhaps as an apology for how I acted this morning I'll let you cuddle me in the bed” You whispered in his ears before you stepped away from him so he looked up for a moment and mumbled a silent thank you to whatever god he prayed to.

After you had your shower you decided to put on a set of pajamas as a nightie might have been too sexy for your own good.

As you came out of the bathroom he was propped on his elbow and stared at you mindlessly so you jumped into the bed, laid down on your side and got under the covers to look at him sheepishly.

“Are you cold?” he asked you as he chuckled at the playful act so you nodded in response. That's when he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you closer to him.

“Why are you so warm all the time?” You asked him so he caressed your scalp with his fingers.

“It's just my genetics”

“Your dragon genetics?”

“Mhhhm”

“Does it bother you, not knowing your history?” You asked him so he sighed deeply.

“That's why I'm here, Viserys has denied my true nature all my life, refusing to tell me who our father was or how he had come to marry mother. I feel like he has all the answers” he answered so you tucked the loose strand of hair behind his ear.

“Mmmm” your fingers trailed over his chest as you hummed in response so he leaned down to kiss you.

“Did you have a girlfriend before..serious ones?” you asked one more question so he smiled.

“I did yes” he answered while his hands roamed over your thighs, your breath hitched immediately at the sultry touch.

“How was it like with her?”

“Alright I guess”

“Who was the most recent one?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Just trying to get to know you”

“Well there was this girl who taught with me in college, lasted a year or so” he mumbled as he sucked another mark on your neck. You made a mental note for later as you didn't want him to bruise you up like that for everyone to see, it just felt too good right now to stop it from happening.

“Why did you break up?” you asked another question as if you were playing twenty questions with him.

“She wanted to get married,” he answered nonchalantly.

“And you didn't?”

“I'd marry only when I believe that it's going to last”

“Mmm don't you miss her? Don't you miss the person you had in your bed, the person you used to have sex with all the time?”

“I think about her once in a while but I don't miss the sex..no”

“Why not?”

“You're a talker aren't you?” you giggled as he said that.

“Tell me” you imposed again making him sigh in response.

“Sex is not the only reason why I was with her”

“Really?”

“Mmm..she was a prude in bed”

“That's so mean ..” you hit on his chest playfully so he grabbed your arms and placed it over your head.

“It's just the truth, she wasn't very experimental, strictly missionary and nothing wrong with that..but I just revel in variety” you couldn't help but bite on your cheek as he said that.

“Mmm well at least she was having sex with you..unlike a certain someone you know” you mumbled cheekily so he leaned down to place an innocuous kiss on your forehead.

“That certain someone can give me nothing and I'd still want her in my bed” your ears felt hot at the way he had said those words so earnestly.

“Why is that?”

“Because I have seen the lust and passion this girl can offer me, it's only a matter of time darling”

“What if you're wrong ..what if she's another prude, what if you're cursed with prudes?”

“Well then sex is not everything.. believe it or not”

“That's refreshing coming from a man like you” you said confidently, making him guffaw at your words.

“Man like me?”

“Mmmhmm you look at everyone as if you're undressing them in your head”

“It's just my face, though there's this certain someone I tend to undress every night in my head these days whenever I'm jerking off”

“Mmmmhm how lucky is she..almost makes me want to watch you do that” you challenged him, making his eyes dark with lust.

“I was promised a cuddle, not this passive aggressive dirty talk”

He kissed you passionately as he let go of your arms, you dragged your fingers from his chest and played with the waistband of his trousers so he pulled away to look at you.

“Don't start what you can't finish” he warned you so you bit on your lower lips.

“Mmmm i wouldn't know what to do anyways”

That's what you said but your palm has already cupped the bulge forming in his pants, as you applied a little pressure he let out a deep gravelly mixture of a growl and a moan. Perhaps one of the reasons why you had found yourself to be so enchanted by him was because he wasn't completely human in his demeanor.

“Fucking hell girl ..that's not what sweet good girls like you should do to a man in bed”

“Show me”

“What?”

“Show me how you touch yourself”

He looked at you to assess whether you were joking but then the scent of your arousal was so thick he could smell it a mile away. He laid down next to you and lifted his hips up to lower down his pants, his cock all hard and erect made your eyes widen in surprise. You know he was blessed but you weren't expecting a giant cock, not that you had anything to compare it to. Small silver bushes neatly surrounded his length.

As his precum dripped down he collected the liquid between his fingers and gave his cock a stroke. You turned on your front and stared at his pretty face for a moment before you scooted closer to him and kissed his neck.

“You're so big and thick”

Even amidst his arousal he couldn't help but smile at your words, they were intended to be dirty in nature but they also just seemed full of naivety, over these last two months if there was one thing he knew about you then it was that you had two completely different personalities, the one out there in the world was the woman with the “don't fuck with me” approach, the one that didn't back down in front of anyone, one that spoke her mind and wasn't afraid of anyone and then there was this, this inexperienced shy girl in bed, the one who mumbled such innocent words of wonderment, who couldn't even look at cock for more than a few seconds at a time.

Luckily he was the only man to see this other side of you and he cherished that alot.

He opened his other arm and curled it around your neck to caress your head, you were snuggled on his side perfectly..your eyes flickering back and forth between his face and his cock.

Much to his surprise you then trailed your fingers down and placed it over his knuckles, feeling the way his hand moved in a way that was familiar to him.

“You can touch it darling..it won't hurt you i promise”

There was a sense of mocking in his words so you glared at him for a moment before you placed your hand on his cock, an involuntary gasp escaped your lips as the warm thick flesh pulsated in your hold.

“Goshhh” you whispered mindlessly as you looked down and he brought his hands down to your ass to give them a squeeze,

“What should I do…Daemon..tell me please” you whispered in his ears so he grinned in response.

“I'm rather enjoying how you're shivering darling”

“Please tell me”

“No need to beg sweet thing”

He placed his hand on yours and guided it up and down slowly, all you could do in that moment was to just keep your eyes focused on his lips, the way he opened his mouth as the sensation tickled deep into his stomach, the way his lips pursed and the occasional slip of the tongue that came out to wet his lips, everything he did just seemed to turn you on.

As you leaned into him to kiss him he grabbed both of your arms and flipped you underneath him to kiss you with fervor passion.

“You drive me insane love”

“In a good way?”

“The best ways..now keep your hands there like a good girl and watch until I tell you otherwise alright?” He mumbled as he placed your arms up and then sat up on his knees to give you the perfect view of the show you had asked for.

You watched completely lost in trance as he fisted his cock right next to you, thighs muscles flexed as he drove his cock into his own fist to build up the sensation, his head lulled backwards at the thought of you watching him do something so intimate.

The strings of curses that left his mouth were vulgar, and so were his moans, almost pornographic.

“Give me your hand darling” he mumbled as he asked for your hand so you brought it forward without hesitation “make a fist but touch your fingers to your thumb yeah?” He asked so you nodded immediately and followed his command, he grabbed your wrist and turned it upwards so now there was a makeshift hole for him to fuck into.

“You're so..hottt” you gulped as he shoved his cock inside your fist and moved his hips back n forth, his fingers were holding onto your hand so he could adjust the hole and tighten it as per his pleasure, you didn't miss the slight caress of his thumb over the back of your fingers. Even amidst the throes of passion he somehow found a moment to be gentle with you.

Now you knew how he'd look when he's fucking you with such passion and he looked divine, almost godly. You never thought you'd see a day you'd use such words to describe a man but there he was, in two months he had turned your whole world upside down.

The only sound you heard for the next few minutes were those of his moans and occasionally yours slipped out as well, you couldn't really help it when he looked so good and so indecent. Your eyes glanced at his balls, they hung firmly below his cock but they jiggled due to the rocking movement of his hips. In that moment you probably had the filthiest thoughts ever known to a man. You found yourself thinking about doing things you never thought you'd do with a man.

“Almost there pretty girl..you have been so good” he mumbled softly as he placed his other arm on the headboard of the bed for support, his knees felt weak as the orgasm swept him away, his cum splattered into your fist as he finally came. And boy if he wasn't loud.

You felt his cum sitting into the crevices of your palm, all warm and wet, so goddamn warm.

His chest was heaving up and down in the post orgasmic euphoria, small beads of sweat shining all over his skin in the dim lighting of the room. His fingers ran through his hair as he finally slumped down and relaxed his thighs, after pulling his cock out of your fist he laid down to collect his breathing.

None of you said a word, not for a good few seconds but then you turned towards him and kissed him softly, a smile apparent on his face and yours as well. His fingers curled around the roots of your hair as he kissed you, tongue invaded your mouth as he twirled them around to play with yours but then his brows furrowed suddenly so he pulled away from you.

“You're bleeding sweetheart” he said so you looked at him confused before you felt it trickling down in your underwear.

“I'll go wash my hands”

You mumbled as you got off the bed and before he could stop you from leaving, as you reached the bathroom you pulled your pants down and took out your period panties from the cabinet. Well there indeed was a drop of blood but your panties were wet for entirely different reasons.

As you stepped out he was standing right outside the door all naked, his cock now limp but still huge.

“May i?” He asked you so you nodded and stepped aside immediately so he could use the bathroom, then you walked towards your bed to lie down.

A few moments later he had joined you as well, you did promise him a cuddle after all.

“Was that good for you?” You asked him softly but instead of answering he placed his head on your breasts and hummed in response.

Didn't take you both long enough to fall asleep but the most peaceful sleep of your life didn't last for much longer as you heard the wailing of the siren. The siren rang loud and clear, piercing the air like a warning signal. Its wailing sound made your heart beat faster and breath quicker as you realized what was happening. It was only used to indicate a patient had gone missing from their room or the premises.

“Daemon get up..hey” you tapped his cheek lightly so he opened his eyes to look at you.

“What?”

“I think they're looking for you, I am going out there ..please make sure you're gone.. Viserys can't find you here ok?” You told him strictly before you grabbed an overcoat to put it on and ran out there.

“What's going on?” You asked Shyla as all the members of the staff were huddling together on the third floor.

“Where are you? Dragon boy is missing”

Yeah that's what you thought.

“What do you mean?” You feigned innocence as you asked her so she sighed.

“It's weird because his room was locked from the inside but he's not in there, the windows were opened..do you think he jumped off? Nobody will survive that though-”

Her voice faded in the background as you looked at the guards searching for him in every room and you just hoped that he'd be gone by the time they head towards yours.

As your turn finally arrived Viserys followed the guards along with you, you could feel his eyes on you but you didn't dare look at him.

“When did you see him last?” He asked you so you pretended to think.

“During lunchtime in the cafeteria I suppose”

He grabbed your arm as he allowed the guards to go forward. You looked at him shocked at the sudden movement.

“You have no idea what I'd do with you if he's found in your room” he said to you so you glared at him.

“Excuse me? Are you threatening me?”

He let go of your arm as the guards looked at you and asked you to open the lock. Despite your best efforts to stay calm your hands were trembling as you opened the door, Viserys was the first one to storm in and the rest of you followed, they checked every nook and corner of the room, including the bathroom but he wasn't there, thank the Gods.

“Why is your window open?” Viserys asked you so you crossed your arms.

“Why not? It gets suffocating at times. Besides it's not as if he's actually going to grow wings and would fly over to my window from his own”

You mumbled sharply so he sighed and walked past you to go check other rooms. It was mouthy of you to speak to your superior this way but you couldn't help it.

An hour later Daemon was found back in his room so there was a horde of people outside of his room wanting to see if he actually was there and to annoy Viserys further he claimed that he had been in the bathroom this whole time which he further claimed the guards didn't check properly.

All eyes were on Viserys at the moment and he didn't want to punish Daemon in front of everyone so he turned around instead and stormed away. Rest of the people lost their interest as well as the commotion died down and headed for their respective quarters one by one.

Later that night Daemon sat up in his bed as he began to change again, his wings were the first ones to come out, then he felt the scales forming on his face, his nails growing longer as well, he was amidst his transformation and his senses were weakened so when he heard the knock on the door he assumed it was you. Perhaps it was time to show you who he was and he hoped you won't run away from him once you see him like that. He really hoped that he won't scare you away from him.

However as he opened the door he saw Caroline instead looking back at him with a mixture of shock and fear on her face but most of all amusement.

“So you aren't really crazy huh?”

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

Oops 🤐

Taglist

@anukulee @ammo23 @littledark11 @stupidthoughtsinwriting

@daenny-t @avalyaaa

[letteredlettered]

Related to your last post: For me tumblr would work better as a community site if there was a function that would hide reblogs of the same posts. I get overwhelmed if I follow more than ten people in the same fandom because of the repeating posts. With work and everything else, I don't have the hours to find the original things people are saying. Reddit works better sometimes except the subreddits often have very surface level discussions with high amount of newcomers asking the same questions and the topics are quite limited. Maybe I should just try if there is life on Dreamwidth :P

This ask is a response to this post I made about feedback to fic and fandom community.

Anon, I agree 100% regarding the difficulties of tumblr for discussion that builds community. If you're following this discussion, than you may have already seen these follow-ups:

@eleadore added their thoughts about preserving reader spaces in a reblog here

@yiiiiiiiikes25 added thoughts similar to yours re tumblr's poor functionality as a community space here

@thehoneybeet added to the post that sparked my post here, about how to foster the kind of community we're all saying we want.

I'm linking these posts because I want to call attention to them; I think they're great. But I'm linking them in response to you specifically because yes there are multiple vectors to this problem--the web enshittification I described in my post, the splintering of fandom after the death of livejournal, and the difficulty of tumblr as a venue.

But it's that last, the difficulty of tumblr as a venue, that means that even like-minded people who want the community we're discussing can't really have it. Some went to, and are still on, dreamwidth. Frankly, I still find myself deeply irritated that fandom didn't move there, that it accepted AO3 and not DW. But I think a large factor in that particular exodus actually has to do with the fact that AO3 is closer to the direction the enshittified web went than DW ever could be. AO3 has a "like" button and is not built for deep, meaningful interaction. Again, this is because it was meant to be a limb of the fandom community, not replace community entirely. I'm not claiming that AO3 is enshittified but rather that it bears more similarity to current social media sites because it's only one part of a community that was at the time, thriving (yes, in spite of strikethrough and everything that was happening on LJ at the time).

In my opinion, tumblr straddles the divide between that old style of community website and the new one. Like livejournal and DW, you can view tumblr chronologically, without an algorithm feeding you content. You can remain anonymous, and everyone can see anything you post. But like other more modern social media sites, you can reblog and like, which you couldn't do on LJ and DW. The fact that tumblr is sort of both--and that it wasn't sold to the Russians and torn apart, like LJ--is why fandom fled here and why scattered pieces of it remain here, despite so many others moving on.

One thing I wanted to talk about in my original post, but couldn't find a place for, was how so much of the "community" aspects of fandom are now private. I think that's happened partly because tumblr isn't a great place to hold a conversation, so the conversation quickly gets moved elsewhere--but instead of somewhere where everyone is still welcome (ahem, like Dreamwidth), it gets moved to private spaces. Or the conversation never starts and exists only in the kinds of spaces meant for such things.

@thehoneybeet makes great points about this in the post I linked above. They mention "the invite-only server, the private ao3 challenge, groups and experiences that you need to be in-the-know about to even begin to participate in. that, essentially, require an invitation."

@eleadore mentions it at the beginning of their reblog (also linked above), saying, "i feel discussions of this nature have been severely crippled over the yrs, and people prefer to take to private group chats and such instead of engaging [...]" But they go on to mention "private discord book club servers."

To be clear, I'm 100% with @eleadore about the necessity for spaces for readers, and also 100% with them at the idea that there can be spaces authors don't have to touch. Writers don't "deserve" to hear every single thing anyone's ever said about their fic, positive or negative. Earlier this year I in fact made an impassioned post about the fact that I believe that bookmarks are for readers, not writers, and that making them a space purely for an author's comfort limits the functionality of bookmarks for readers, both in terms of finding fic but also in terms of finding friends.

So, yes, I agree that it's okay to have private discord book club servers. But the mention of discord did make me do a double-take, because in my opinion, discord is a huge part of what I perceive as the problem. You can't find a discord for your chosen fandom by searching discord. You have to have the link. Even if the discord isn't invite-only--which many of them are, you can usually only get the link by knowing someone.

There are all kinds of reasons for why discord is so private. Discords are run by mods, who feel responsible for what happens to people in spaces for which they are responsible. And mods who take a laissez-faire "everyone just do what they want" approach often have servers dominated by people who make the environment difficult, sometimes through racism, sometimes through bullying, sometimes by constantly bringing up traumatic or triggering content, sometimes just by making everything about them all the time. It's not like lj or even tumblr, where you can just unfollow. You're kind of stuck, unless you've got a mod who is policing vigorously, which is a huge job and impossible to do in ways that will make everyone happy. It's just easier if you don't have anyone and everyone wandering through.

I hate that. It makes me want to throw things. To me, fandom is about a space that's for anyone and everyone. You shouldn't have to know someone to get to have discussions about the thing you love. That's not why I'm here. In fact, in some ways I'm in fandom to get away from that kind of bullshit, so I don't have to construct some kind of social persona that is palatable enough to be accepted. I'm hear to talk about blorbos and read porn, maybe write a thing or two. A private discord book club made intentionally as a safe space for readers is a great use for discord. But discord as a place for fandom actually makes me feel a little ill.

I don't have a good suggestion of where fandom community should be built. To me, the best place is dreamwidth, and I think that after fifteen years, I really need to give up on the idea that enough people will move there (in this economy????) to really get the numbers you need to be able to find the people with whom you really click and connect. When tumblr tried to ban nudes, a lot of people talked up other possibilities--and some people went, to Mastadon, to pillowfort, even to twitter and IG. But those spaces all have their downsides, and none of them have the critical mass to be a real fandom home. As before, I have no conclusions about this. I just wanted to highlight some other aspects of this problem and describe some other food for thought.

[xoxoxkisses]

hii!! how are you?? I was wondering if you could do a fluffy fic about 14 y/o reader x mui having their first kiss together? feel free to ignore if you don't feel like writing it, hope you'll have a good day/night :))

Hiya! It’s now time for my weekly post yippi!

———————————————————————

In the flower garden

Muichiro x Reader

warnings: none

————————————————————————

You and Muichiro were young and in love. You guys have dated for over a year now. Your relationship was perfect, the only downside is Muichiro wasn’t big on physical touch like you were. You didn’t mind though, you loved to spend time with him.

It was a warm, spring day. The birds were chirping as Muichiro led you to a small park with many flower gardens surrounding it.

You had noticed Muichiro seemed a little nervous. He seemed to not be able to look you in your eyes without becoming a blushing mess. You were worried about him, you thought he was catching a cold.

As you were talking to him, you looked over and noticed he had his hand over his mouth and his face was super red. Worry filled your mind. You leaned in close to him. “Muichiro, are you okay?” He seemed to jump back a little when he realized how close you were to him. “I-I’m fine.” You hummed in response. “I know you’re not, what’s wrong?” He didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes.

“Muichiro you need to tell me what’s wrong-“ You were caught off guard by the soft feeling on your lips. It didn’t take you long to realize Muichiro had kissed you, your first kiss. As he pulled away his face was completely red and you were sure yours was too. “I’m sorry Y/n, I didn’t know when to do it.” You looked at him stunned before you began laughing. “Haha! Muichiro why are you so bold all of a sudden?” He looked up at you and smiled. “I don’t know.” You smiled back at him.

The two of you sat like that for a few minutes processing what just happened. It didn’t take long for him to speak up though. “Y/n, can we do it again?” You looked at him shocked before you gave him a small smile. “Of course.” And with that he pulled you into another kiss, this time he wasn’t as nervous.

The two of you stayed at the park listening to the birds and smelling the floral smell in the air, happy to have experienced something new with the other.

[vladdyissues]

How do you feel about all this Sam x Danny (knowing we literally ship Vlad and Danny), I feel like if Sam finds out about a pompous relationship he would try to take Danny off Vlad's hands 😭 (I was thinking about a fanfic of that style, what do you think?)

(About the ship) I'd probably feel a lot more positive about Amethyst Ocean if Sam's character had been written a little better and their relationship wasn't bristling with so many red flags and contrary, counterintuitive moments. Like in S3E09, when Danny dreams of kissing Sam, wakes up screaming, and literally calls it "a nightmare". This is supposed to be the endgame relationship of the entire series? Come on, Butch.

But I don't hate AO. I tolerate it in canon and pretty much ignore it in fandom. Ship and let ship ✌ But when it comes to fanfic, it's all too easy to end up unfairly bashing the "unwanted" character in the love triangle, especially if the author already doesn't like the character.

Character bashing is the expression of hostility towards a character by fans. Bashing occurs in a wide variety of fandom activities and fanworks, such as fanfiction and meta posts, and takes many forms. It may be done by demonizing a character, referring to them with derogatory terms, or making them the subject of deathfics or spitefics. Discussion of character bashing is often the subject of drama, as fans may take personal offense at what they perceive as undeserved bashing. Fanlore, Character Bashing

I wrote a few fics of this nature long ago, and while they might have been mildly funny on the surface, they were really quite boring and out of character. Crackfic, basically. I kind of cringe just thinking about them because they fall under the fandom faux pas of "annoying female character with the canon romantic connection getting in the way of my beloved non-canon m/m ship".

This isn't to say you shouldn't write a fanfic about a shocked or jealous Sam trying to break up Danny and Vlad's relationship, but I think it should be handled with care—at least if you're trying to write Sam realistically or have a story with a semisweet or bittersweet ending. If you want to go the toxic, twisted, dark route—which is quite intriguing, to be honest—all that matters is making sure Sam doesn't turn into a parody or a punching bag. She's got to be believable, human, and at least somewhat true to her character.

Like, we know she loves Danny. (Unless she's planning on getting revenge, she isn't going to intentionally hurt him.) Her heart is broken, possibly her dreams, too. She's worried for him. She doesn't trust that Vlad hasn't brainwashed Danny or is manipulating him somehow. Why didn't Danny even tell her he liked Vlad, or that they had made peace with each other? Was Danny so repulsed by the thought of dating her that Vlad looked like a better option? Does she think she's responsible for Danny realizing he's gay or bi? Oof.

These are some of the questions I'd be asking myself before I even started writing. Of course, you're welcome to ignore me and proceed with your own concepts if you've already decided on how you want to write your fic. Whatever you decide to do, do it with all your spirit!

[wufflesvetinari]

wyllstarion rec list part 2

[part 1]

hi. i keep the wyllstarion tag open always on a chrome tab in my heart. the theme of this set is "look at the goddamn CRAFT in this thing!!!" as i slam my fist into the ground, weeping

"It's a long road (it's a long walk)" - @acephalouscreature. LISTEN. would you like to read a fairy tale set in hell, starring a guy (wyll) who KNOWS he is in a fairy tale set in hell, and thinks he has all of the tropes figured out despite his inexplicable amnesia? weird how that random handsome guy who keeps offering him dangerous bargains seems to be pretty invested in keeping him alive. this is a fic that drops you straight into the action and trusts you to unpack what is going on--and then unfolds in a gorgeous and achingly romantic way that still manages to play by fairy tale rules to a t!!! featuring deft dramatic irony + Wordplay As Life-Saving Strategy

"a desk is a friend your heart makes" - @jellyfishline. plucked straight from the summary: "Or, sometimes recovery isn't linear and you have to go hide under a desk about it." there are, certainly, many post-canon h/c fics in which trauma reemerges and Character A has to comfort Character B. what you DON'T see every day is such a deft balance between humor and h/c. this fic knows that trauma responses can honestly be a bit ridiculous, and lets astarion work through it while having both genuine pathos AND entertaining dialog. again i say: CRAFT.

"Someone Has To" - @shelbyroundthemountain. i read this last march, closed the tab, kept thinking about it on and off for nearly a year, and then happily found it again this morning. wyll lets slip he did survival sex work a few times before he was established as the Blade. he has no idea why astarion's making such a big deal about it now. i think what stuck with me about this fic was the deft psychology of it: a Thing can happen to two different people and they can come away with vastly different reactions based on context and personality. this is ESPECIALLY true when it comes to things like sex that are so embedded in the *gestures* "we live in a society" of it all

"a sentimental jury" - domoda. ok so this is straight-up a complete, cohesive noir in under 3k words. this is constructed like original short fiction. this has astarion as a parisian femme fatale and wyll as a put-upon but ultimately honorable german interpol officer with ulterior motives (!!). i read this like i watch a film. voice and prose immaculate. i feel fortunate to exist in a world where someone thought to make this. two thumbs up

"sewn in the lining of me" - @duckbunny. hey, so, uh! wyll vivisection fic. h/c, whump, etc--it's gnarly in real creative ways, folks!!--but truly what sets it apart for me is the astarion pov: the ways his own experiences layer over everything, the...half-strategic half-instinctive dissociation he undergoes while trying to save wyll's life, the lovely quiet scene between the two of them at the end. this is a fic where you can feel the Psychology with a capital p in every line of the narration. brutal. very very pretty also.

"his vengeance need not be feared" - antimonian. wyll's ready to kill mizora, he totally is, except maybe the WAY he wants to kill her makes him a bad person?? man, let me tell you. the prose on this thing alone. packed with gorgeous character insights, deftly-drawn relationships, a mizora that manages to be deeply unsettling in very few words, and an astarion being anxiously supportive in the only ways he knows how (murder; hovering). also featuring a strong wyll&karlach friendship + bard wyll!!

honorable mention for the ravengard fans: "At dream's end" by hellbell, which is beautiful surreal prose from the pov of a tadpole-possessed ulder re: his son. not wyllstarion, just need you to know abt it

godspeed, fellow travelers

[beerok23]

2024 FIC Roundup

In response to those of you who tagged me (@pookasluagh @captainblou and @missunderstoodlyrics) here is my AO3 author interview.

What fandoms do you write in? At the moment, only for Good Omens! But in the past I've written for Friends, The Pretender and Alias.

How many words have you published in 2024? So far, 186,754 words. I'll soon have a new Christmas fic to post that will definitely increase the count to more than 200k.

What is your greatest achievement this year? Starting to write for this fandom. When I started reading canon post S2 fix-it fics at the end of 2023 I didn't know that I would fall in love with AUs. Today I'm sure that this is a fandom that can express the best AU - if only for the fact that canon is 'fantasy' and AU are 'realistic'. I've changed my style from AE to BE and I'm trying to strengthen my writing. It's not always easy, but I've found beta readers who are so helpful in the process. I can't thank them enough.

What are your favorite top three fics you wrote this year? I've only posted two long fics, which are obviously the favorite I wrote: The Tadfield Holiday (A human ‘The Holiday’ AU) Runaway Groom (A human ‘Runaway Bride’ AU)

But as I mentioned, I'll soon post my Xmas fic 🎄🎁

What was your biggest pit of despair moment? I don't think I ever got desperate, but sometimes it's not easy being a non-native speaker. And the thing I've struggled with the most? Smut scenes 😁 What have you learned? Go with the flow. When the flow hits, just go with it. I'm saying this after writing almost 40k words in less than three weeks.

Did you beta any fics? Actually, I am! I'm not a useful beta when it comes to language, but I'm the best cheeleader 😁😁😁

What three fics have you read this year that you love? Only three? Impossible. I've read hundreds of them. I always read fics and most of all I re-read my faves. So here's a few.

and salt the Earth behind you by @sunrisesinthesuburbs The love and respect I have for this author is immeasurable. Just RUN read EVERYTHING she writes. Of course her Borrowed Words is a masterpiece, but I have a special place in my heart for Profiler Aziraphale and CI Crowley.

Overboard by @joanofart5 I write film-inspired AUs, and Joan did the same with this little gem. It's based on the 1980's romcom 'Overboard' and it's funny, and lovely and makes you FEEL all the right feelings.

Find the Light by @klikandtuna Oh, what an extremely talented author 💛 You've got Headmaster!Aziraphale and Rockstar!Crowley all cuddled up in an awesomely fluff story. Wonderful ❤

The New Road (is an old friend) by @missunderstoodlyrics Pastor!Aziraphale meets SingleDad!Crowley and his daughter Mira. Pining ensured and angst that made me die a little (a sweet death, mind you). Still one of my personal faves by this incredibly talented author.

I'll tell you who's in charge by @captainblou is still my fave of them. But even in other fics, Blou has this wonderful way with words and smut scenes and writing badass Crowley who's actually the sweetest creature. And the way they write about trans characters is the best in the fandom.

When Hell Freezes Over by @hermiola She has a WIP (subscribe, it's hilarious) and she's recently finished her Pretty Woman AU "Take a Little Love From Me", but I discovered her with this two-chapters one shot featuring a charming Peter-Vincent-inspired!Crowley and journalist!Aziraphale. I'm so glad we are collaborating, because your writing truly inspires me 💙💙💙

But oh there are so many others fellow authors: @bellisima-writes ("The Last Angel" is one of the more complex well-thought plots I've ever read), @feraltuxedo (If "All lines are open" was a book, I would have consummated its pages by now), @fellshish (My gosh, how many times I've read "Trial & error"?), @lyricalkris ("The Devil Built a Chapel" killed me 💚💛).

What ideas are percolating for next year? One too many. That's why I'll probably stop writing for a bit. I mean, there might be another movie-inspired AU project in the work, but...We'll see 💜

Who do you want to thank? My three besties, @pookasluagh, @somewhere-in-wales and @ineffablerainstorm. You know everything already 💚💛❤💜🧡🤍 And also, all the writers who make this fandom the precious, peaceful place it is. We've been through a lot this year. But we get them back together in less than a month.

And I can't wait.

[lover-of-mine]

Okay, so, I'm fully aware of the platform I accidentally created with the whole network, and I love being the place people come for information and a good laugh about the madness. But I am a person. I am also only one person. I get a whole lot of asks in a day, I try to answer as many as I can but sometimes my life gets in the way and sometimes the things I'm getting kill my vibe and make me less inclined to sit through my inbox for hours. I filter as much as I can, sometimes the sheer volume of asks filter things too. I'm just the messenger. I'm not gonna let you use me to rage bait because I'm the one who takes the heat for it. Is my name attached to the asks. I don't condone with what's been happening, the blogs who take things too far or whoever it was who wrote that fic. I don't know who wrote it, if it was an angry buddie shipper or a disturbed bucktommy one or someone outside of the mess who wants to have fun putting us against each other, but I know that I don't want anything to do with that individual or individuals. But to act like they somehow speak for the whole buddie fandom is messed up. To expect every buddie fan to public denounce them is messed up. Unfortunately, there has always been fucked up fics posted to ao3. Are we gonna chase down everyone who wrote fics where Chim is abusive towards Maddie, or where Eddie is Buck's Doug, or the very disturbing Ana bashing fics that include shit ranging from her kidnapping Chris to her raping Buck too then? We've seen a bt shipper say that Eddie should kill himself because Ryan's experience would make the scene realistic, but I never expected anyone to apologize for her behavior because I know she's not the norm and she's the only one responsible for the shit she says. No one here speaks for anyone. But dissecting why a character acts the way he does when he has a canon past of bigotry does not give anyone the right to say that the only reason something disturbing is happening is because I said something mean about Tommy. That fic is fucked up. But the only person responsible for it is whoever wrote it. If I knew who that was, trust me, I would be putting them on blast, but I don't. Some of you need to get off your high horse. No one can control fandom, and a witch hunt just because someone found a burner account that may or may not be responsible for shit and attacking everyone because they are being followed by them is not it. It's not gonna solve anything. To try and make anyone who said something negative about Tommy responsible is not it. I'm a real person. I know y'all only see a hockey player's picture and a 5sos song url, but I'm a person. I am not a newspaper and I'm also not the spokesperson for the buddie fandom who needs to make a statement about these awful things happening. I'm not the one creating the unsafe space. My shit is properly tagged, I stay in my blog, I don't go chasing people I don't agree with just to pick a fight. But y'all do love dragging me into shit I have nothing to do with. What happened is fucked but can we stop blaming the whole fandom for the actions of a very small portion of it?

[olderthannetfic]

Nearly 75% of fic on AO3 has less than 5 reader comments. Can we please acknowledge that lack of engagement in a positive fashion is the norm in fandom and that writers are expected to work for nothing in return yet readers are allowed to be entitled?

The source of my number

https://www.tumblr.com/transholmes/738776926733336576/and-even-those-numbers-on-the-lower-end-are

--

Hahahahaha.

Oh, anon.

Okay, first of all, I just posted a bunch of graphs showing exactly this, so not only am I well aware of it, but you also clearly don't read my tumblr much and are just here because some friend of yours is upset that I responded negatively to them about their dumb bookmarking opinions.

Second and more importantly...

No, no one is expected to do anything.

That's crazypants influencer talk where you think your hobbies are jobs that you have no choice about doing.

I suppose I do expect fans to have something at least marginally worthwhile to say—or else I'll block them for being whiny little bitches who make my day dumber as well as less amusing.

But mostly, what I expect is that people will do hobbies because they are fun. If I ever decide that writing fic is too boring, I will stop.

I write because it's fun.

I write original work for money too, and if you want to read that, you're going to have to pay Amazon your cold, hard cash. But I still do it because I enjoy the actual act of writing... at least a lot of the time.

What I see in the bookmark boo-hooing is a bunch of people who haven't noticed the last eighty thousand rounds of this same dumb wank and who not only expect to get the last word but expect that somehow I'm going to signal boost it on my tumblr as that... a tumblr known for contentious debates and nobody ever getting the last word till everyone's exhausted and never wants to hear about paper plates or beans again.

I also see that some of the thinnest-skinned people have fic patreons.

Now, I chose not to bring this up before because it sounds a bit below the belt in that "And thus you're morally impure and thus I can ignore your argument" way... But it's a consistent pattern in these conversations over time, and I do think it's relevant. The biggest sensitive babies are always the ones most afraid of bad reviews but also low engagement, and I think it's because they're caught in some half-pro, half-not limbo where they want the best of both worlds but keep getting the worst of both.

If you behave like a professional who is owed compensation, you can expect a more professional style of response to your work.

And what does the pro world look like? Radio silence. The occasional harsh review. Nobody caring why you wanted to write X or why you couldn't finish Y on time.

If you're here to socialize, you should look for a beta or a couple of good friends who like your blorbos and your style of fic, and then you can squee together about what you've written. It may not come in the form of visible AO3 comments. It may be in private chat.

In some cases, it may just be friends you can talk to about your writing but who aren't actually going to read it. I have plenty of friends who read different things than what I write.

That's what socializing and hobbies look like, dude.

It's fine to point out that many writers do get discouraged by low comment counts and then stop, so if I, as a reader in a fandom, want more, it behooves me to befriend writers and make them feel good.

But at the same time, writers get discouraged or move on to the next fandom all the time for all kinds of reasons. If the critical mass and the zeitgeist aren't there, then they aren't.

Do your hobbies for reasons internal to you.

If the main point is external validation, get into BDSM and find someone excited to indulge your praise kink. It will work a lot better than chasing fame via art.

[simplydnp]

hey there!

I kind of consider you the resident dnp expert (at least in dnp culture) so I wanted your opinion on a question that's been building for a while now.

What are the boundaries for dnp now?

There are so many things that I feel have changed even in the last four years: writing smutty rpf was Gross and Weird, along with art along that line, speculating about their relationship was ABSOLUTELY a no-go, all things that I see happening on Tumblr now. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing!! I'm just acknowledging things have changed over time. They're different people now and so are we, and the "we know you know" era is lots of fun.

I was browsing reddit today (bad idea, do not recommend) and came across a post from a new Phannie asking if DnP were in a relationship. And while I agree that we cannot say for absolute certain that they are, the responses had a VERY different vibe than on here, emphasizing how bad the speculation was (true) and essentially saying "don't even think about that, just enjoy their content." (or something to that extent.)

Which... is very different from this here website in which we joke about them being horney for each other constantly lmao.

Being a very rules-driven person, I like expectations to be made abundantly clear for pretty much everything. So that's why I want to ask: Is there a line here? Are we crossing that line? How defined is that line? (All of this, of course, I recognize is your opinion and yours alone, and if this is posted I encourage anyone else to share their two-cents in a respectful way.)

Obviously, trying to find out where they live/things like that is very clearly crossing a boundary. But is there some sort of limit or boundary I (and tbh the rest of the phandom), in your opinion, should be keeping in mind?

thanks xx

hi!

'resident expert' is a hefty title, i'm just here trying my best!

'what are the boundaries for dnp now?' is really a great question. cause the thing is, we used to know. there used to be a fairly well-defined and mostly agreed upon line, and ever since the dapg revival in particular, the line keeps moving.

i'll be honest, i never really saw phanfic as rpf, even though it is. my stance on phanfic is the same as dnps: it's a beautiful expression of art and creativity and is so, so important. they've always been pro-fic (even though we subjected them to some absolutely horrific crack fics), so i don't think 'smutty' fic has ever been gross or too far. they've given their blessing, and, as the conversation has been in fandom communities the last few years, rpf isn't 'for' the people in them, it's for the fans. so i digress.

art is much the same way. they love art! they even included art of them kissing in a tumblr tag video back in the day, so to say that's not allowed especially after they're out is kind of crazy to me.

i think the line with stuff like that was showing it directly to dnp--tagging them in explicit stuff, that kind of thing. but creating it? go for it! it's always been a green light. (i think fans have previously overpoliced this and we lost a lot of great fic, art, and community members over it)

browsing reddit is always a Choice. i've never participated on dnp reddit before but i am aware that it is an entirely different space than here. something that's important, i think (and i think you think this too as you're asking about them), is to respect the fandom rules of the place you partcipate in. tumblr is generally one of the most phan-positive places on the internet, especially publicly facing. we make a lot of relationship jokes, particularly because we run on the assumption it's already true, based on what they've both said publicly (mostly dan).

i won't comment on reddit specifically just because i'm not a part of the community there, but the speculation about dnp online was a Lot for a long time. but the worst part of it was the stalking, the digging into personal lives, the contacting family members--that is what was bad. dnp have always had a connection--and, honestly, they kind of love flexing it and kind of always have. they absolutely play into things now, but they certainly did even way before coming out too. i think a certain level of speculation was to be expected, especially in that era of online fandom. but it wasn't just the 'teenage girls' who cared, the media did too, and so did many others.

i think one of the biggest differences now is 1 the awareness of 'our' past and trying to make up for it, and 2 the broader societal conversations about parasocial relationships.

you see this reflected on the snippets ive seen from dnp reddit and dnp twitter. they tend to be Very 'cautious' about the words they say, often undercutting perfectly reasonable statements with 'but whatever their relationship is'. on one hand, they don't want to cross a line, and i can respect that. on the other hand... it's 2024 babes. they just put out merch of them holding hands. dan's directly, intentionally, and explicitly called phil a bottom on dapg. they reacted to all of the pinofs, made jokes about 'theyre touching', and even joked about the tackle being 'wrestling 👀'. dan posted half-naked catboy pics and showed us phil was taking them. the 'watch your step babygirl' tweet & their reactions to it. phil is credited in WAD. they're making threesome jokes about themselves as a unit. i could go on and on.

to me, there's a few things that have 'moved the line' for us, so to speak.

1 - DAPG returning. for the last few years they specifically were not a duo (for projects) anymore. (and no, not because they hated each other). they just weren't. they wanted to focus on their goals and projects. they didn't have to resurrect dapg, but they chose to. marketing and money aside, they knew that if this went over well, it would well and truly revive the 'dan and phil' brand again. it would be specifically returning to being a duo in the public eye. (however they've also fully embraced this in all aspects, including merch, videos, and general attitude)

2 - pinof reacts. even though they'd been out since 2019, we hadn't had regular joint content from them since before that, therefore, while they had become more comfortable with themselves and their 'outness', we hadn't (in terms of them making explicit gay jokes together). so i really think dnp had to de-fang a lot of the 'theyre touching' of it all, because we didn't really know where we stood on it anymore. i think they succeeded, too. we couldn't be here, with the content of the last 3 months, without them tackling it head on (well, as head on as they're want to do).

3 - dapc. genuinely another big shift. they did this for the real fans. purely a passion project, and a specific choice in doing the handhold. they know what we're like. and this wasn't a brief, unplanned, unscripted moment. it's a specifically blocked out scene. they know it's opening a door, and they chose to. this is doubled by the fucking iconic merch selling, and furthered by phil's twitter likes of arguably romantic phanart, and then dan's full straddle like.

even throughout the current 6 months of revival, the line has moved. i don't know where it will settle. dnp keep moving it, in my opinion, and, genuinely, i don't think it's going to leave much to the imagination. as you say, obviously not the stalking or the contacting, but beyond that? especially here on tumblr? i wouldn't get too worried. obviously people will have their opinions, but as long as you're generally respectful and recognize that humans will see your posts and humans interact with them, i think you're good.

my rule of thumb is anything they intentionally put on the table, we can joke about or at the same level. but in terms of art/fic? go off, live your dreams. dan and phil would want you to.

[fandomrose]

Furina post 4.2 reverse comfort.

Hi again. A Furina post 4.2 reverse comfort. I've been working on this for a depressingly long time.

There is implied spoilers but not many. This is also friends to probably, eventually lovers. Starting with the friends in this fic.

This is alot more angsty than the Neuvillette one. It does have descriptions of injury and disassociation. I drew on my own experiences with my own disassociation and helping others through theirs.

I really wanted to do one for Furina because I wish to hug the poor woman. She's been through too much.

I hope you enjoy 💙

You clutched bags filled with cooking ingredients. Ever since learning that your 'former' Lady Furina was living off of macaroni from a certain blonde haired traveller and 'talkative' flying pixie. You decided to pay her a visit, said flying pixie freely telling you where she lived.

Nerves coursed through you. It had been a few weeks since you had seen Furina. Since the prophecy had 'not' come to fruition your services as a private investigator for 'solutions for the prophecy' was no longer needed. And when Furina stepped down from her position as Hydro Archon you stopped seeing her. 

'Diva archon' is what people called her but you knew her better than that. You can't have claimed to be close but, you had seen glimpses of the hidden care and love she had for the nation she governed. True god or not you saw glimpses of all she sacrificed over your few years working under her. You had grown fond of her and the trail she was put through almost broke your heart. 

You steeled your nerves before knocking on Furinas door at just past midday. There was silence before you heard rustling, the unlocking of the door and it opened giving you the first look at Furina in 3 weeks. 

She had slight bags under her eyes, she looked thinner and her smile was not as bright as it used to be.

"Why hello, it's certainly been a while since I've seen you,-" she started off attempting the same theatrical countenance she had before but it quickly faded. "Why have you come here and how did you find out where I live?" 

The thought of her finding it worrying that you knew where she lived didn't cross your mind. "The travellers companion may have let it slip my lady." 

She sighed, "Please don't call me that any more just 'Furina' is fine." Her voice now sounded tired, a slight rasp of exhaustion present.

"Alright my- Furina... um," there was an awkward air between you two, one that you were determined to dismiss. "I was wondering if you would like to spend the afternoon in familiar company... I brought food if you'd like to have dinner."

Furinas eyes narrowed slightly. "Did Paimon also tell you that I was living off of macaroni."

You had somehow forgotten how sharp Furina was. "Yes.. but, but I didn't just bring food, I thought I'd teach you to make more dishes other than macaroni. Still quick, easy and involving pasta but different. Also baking bread. I thought it would go well with what we are making...." You felt yourself ramble, trying to convince Furina to give you a chance.

She looked like she was fighting with herself for a moment. You hold your breath waiting for a response. "Okay.. that sounds nice actually." 

You sigh with relief "Alright lead the way my- um- Furina." You watched as she flushed a slight pink before leading you inside. Her home was modestly furnished but well coordinated and clearly to her aesthetic taste. She led you through the short hallway and into her kitchen. It was up to Fontaine’s modern standard with an oven and hobs, a sink and a new cooling machine that was recently invented by the Fontaine research institute for the storage of Fonta, but had been later discovered to increase the shelf life of many different foods. They were currently very expensive however. You wondered how she was able to afford it with no job. Her shelves were almost bare however, it made you glad you came with ingredients and a few extra essentials. 

"Here you can put the food on the counter." Furinas gestured to the counter close to the oven. "What are we making?" 

You nod and pull the ingredients out. "I thought a cottage pie and some garlic flat bread would be a good start. I also brought the ingredients to make some simple crěpes for dessert." 

"Great ... I don't know how to make any of that, are you sure you want to bother teaching me?" 

"Of course Furina, why would I bring all this if not to teach you." 

"I guess you're right, so what are we starting with?" Her voice was hesitant, you begin to wonder if she was really up to this. What if you were pushing her too hard?

"Ah I thought we'd start by preparing the bread.."

You show her the steps of baking bread. She follows your instructions diligently, her smile broadening and confidence returning with every step she gets right. "This isn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Then again of course I could learn anything I put my mind to."

Seeing her smile again was all you wanted out of today. If you were being truthful with yourself. 

"Now we let the dough rest for about 45 minutes.. in the meantime let's prepare the potatoes for the mash that'll go on top of the shepherd's pie."

You teach her how to peel a potato with a paring knife. Or rather you try to. As she pulled back the knife her hand slipped on the potato and she nicked her palm with the knife, a long thin line of blood appearing on her palm. You were focused on your own potato when you heard her yelp in pain. You immediately drop the knife and potato you were peeling and rush to her side assessing the damage.

"Furina! What happened?" You gently grab her hand looking at the wound. "Where is your first aid kit?" She didn't speak, only pointed to a cupboard on the other side of the room, her eyes glued to her wound, pearls of tears collecting in the outer corners of her eyes and all you want to do is draw her into your arms. 

But first the wound, you gather the first aid kit and sit Furina down at the table in the kitchen and quietly bandage her hand. The cut wasn't deep, which was good, but she barely flinches as you clean the wound, which was a point of concern. You sense she's not up for criticism or questions so you keep things to yourself while you finish bandaging her hand. 

I take a deep breath and try to talk to her again now that the wound is dealt with. "Furina? Are you up for continuing or would you like me to take over?" She didn't respond immediately seemingly not even hearing you, you are about to attempt to get her attention again when-

"No. You- you take over." She sounded exhausted again, and almost defeated. Worry crawls through your stomach all the way up into you throat but you hold back for now. Not quite sure how to deal with this Furina.

"Alright." Is all you can say, softly as not to startle her. As you continue prepping the meal peeling the potatoes, boiling them in milk for extra creaminess and seasoning with salt and pepper. You start up another hob and cook the meat, frying off the fat before adding, flour, worcestershire sauce, a splash of red wine, tomato paste, chopped bell peppers and onions. While the mixture reduces you prepare the dough Furina made earlier, spreading a mixture of garlic butter rosemary and thyme over the dough and place it in the oven. 

You catch Furina glancing at you while you work. You turn off the heat on the meat and take some of it from the pan in a small spoon and carefully carry it over to her. "Would you like to taste test Furina?" She looked up at you in surprise before nodding slowly. You offer the spoon to her and she leans forward and closes her mouth around it without taking it out of your hands. 

A moment of silence, while you might usually feel flustered at this kind of action. But with Furina seemingly still out of it, not registering what she'd done, it was just concerning. You take the spoon away and turn around.

"Is it good?"

A tired "Yea" is the only response you get. It'll do for now. You finish off the cottage pie by arranging it in a dish putting the meat and veg mixture, then the creamy mash before sprinkling a generous helping of parmesan cheese over the top of the mash and putting in the oven for 20 mins. The bread is almost ready to take out and could make a good starter. 

You set a time and sit by Furina, slightly awkwardly, not knowing what to say. You'd been so focused on your tasks you hadn't realised how strange it felt to be around Furina in a casual setting and especially not when something seemed to be bothering her so greatly.

"Furina.. How's your hand?"

"It's fine, doesn't hurt much anymore."

Your concern was beginning to reach a peak. She couldn't look at you for some reason. And her voice was so weak it was barely there but you don't know what to do without crossing an unspoken boundary or making things worse. 

The bread timer goes off. You rise from your seat to take it out, putting it on a rack to let it cool for a few minutes. 

You look over at Furina, her form slumped and defeated looking, her eyebags somehow more prominent than when you started. You didn't understand what could have made her this way. Overall yes, you were there at her trial after all, at the end of it you were just happy she wasn't actually executed. But what happened today? Was it the injury? But why would that cause a near catatonic dissociation? 

You didn't want to push, instead you just cut up the bread and offered her a piece, on a small plate, in the hopes that some form of stimulation would reawaken her. She slowly picks at the bread, putting small pieces in her mouth. 

The second timer goes off. The cottage pie is ready, so you remove from the oven, find two large plates and serve the food.

She looks up at the food and picks up the fork, slowly digging in to the cottage pie. You watch with interest hoping maybe food would perk her up at least a little. And perk up she does. Finally a smile graces her face, small but there.

"This is lovely, thank you. Truly a meal worthy of the great Furina De Fontaine." She made an attempt at her energetic performance but was still tired it seemed. 

You smile at her in what you hope is a pleasant and reassuring manner. "Well my lady I am glad it's worthy of your greatness."

She laughed that same haughty laugh you'd grown to enjoy hearing even if it was a little strained with exhaustion.

"Would my lady enjoy some crêpes to cleanse her palette of savoury tastes?"

"Yes, a batch of crêpes sounds wonderful my humble chef." 

You stand and bow hoping this play was helping her recover from whatever state she was in. Turning to make a small batch of crěpes you don't notice the way she slumps in her seat.

You dust the crêpes in powdered sugar, lemon juice and fill them with cream and chopped fruit. A plate of two crěpes is placed in front of Furina with a smile. Your smile fades seeing her downtrodden look again. 

"La- Furina? Is everything okay?"

"It should be... but it's not" was her response. You watch as tears slip down her cheeks. She tries to quickly wipe them away. "Ahhahaha.. how silly, I don't know why.. an overflow of hydro yes it must be."

You walk round the table and stand by her. "Furina, you can tell me what's wrong. You- you don't have to hide anymore." 

It seems that small push was all it takes for her to allow herself to break. She turns and practically falls into your arms and sobs. "It was going so well. But then I messed up again. I really am useless" She cried into your arms, her sentences broken up by bouts of heartbreaking sobs.

Saying anything felt like a bad idea for now so you remove her hat and simply stroke her head while she cries into your chest. You don't know how long it takes but you patiently wait for her tears to dry and her sobbing to subside. Grabbing a soft handkerchief you lift her face and dab at her cheeks. You watch her eyes widen as if she realised she was actually crying into a living person rather than a plushie. 

"I- I-" 

"Furina, it's okay.. you aren't useless and you are still learning right. You have no idea how many cuts and burns on my arms and hands I have scars for just from cooking. Hahaha. It happens my lady. But if I may be so bold, it's not about the accident is it?"

You pause before speaking again, not wanting her to have any excuses you make sure to beat her to the punch.

"Have you mourned yet? Your status as an archon? Your position in Fontaines elite? Your friendship with Monsieur Neuvillette? Anything else I am not privy to."

It wasn't the most elegant way to put it. Some might call it cruel but she needed to confront this in order to move on.

You begin to regret your decision when you see Furina hang her head and cry again, much more subdued this time. You open your mouth to apologise but-

"You're right... I've been ignoring it all instead of dealing with it. I thought I could just move on, and 'improve myself' and everything would be okay."

She spoke so harshly of her own thoughts. You shake your head and sigh.

"Don't be mean to yourself Furina. Your only mistake was isolating yourself, but if I may be so bold, again, I'm here. And I want to help you, I've always liked spending time with you so I'd be more than happy to be your friend."

She began to sob again. "You want to be my friend? You'll stay by my side even when I'm like this.." 

"Yes Furina, that is what I want. As long as you want it to." You open your arms letting her hug you again. She was crying, but at least her tears were happy this time.

This was probably the start of something wonderful.