I'm trying to get the energy and motivation and desire to do...well. Anything. It's not really working out so well.
Like I know I need to write. I won't feel good about this stupid fic unless I work on it, finish it, edit it, etc. but I just...am drawing blanks as far as motivation.
I should draw. I feel better being creative. But there's no juice.
I should go to the gym. I like exercising, and I went yesterday after work and it was good, and with my work schedule changing again I won't be able to go on Wednesday for much longer...but I just want to go home and sleep for 12 hours.
Hell, I should actually try to find work to do at work. There's some things I could be doing; not much, but something...but what's the point? Nobody ever uses any of the stuff I work on in the catalog. Even with students coming back next week, nothing I do is going to feel like it makes any sort of difference or positive impact.
I need to catch up on CR and get excited for d20 tonight, but I just wanna lie down forever. Hell, I need to think about healthy actual food to eat and make, but all I've done is eat a sleeve of Ritz, insult myself, and decide that's probably enough food for the next few hours.
I'm really hoping the medication changes we're making are going to help, or at least cut some of this exhaustion and apathy off at the knees a little bit... I'm tired of not enjoying anything, not really, and of having things I like and want to do feel like this big obstacles that are easy to put off and ignore. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of being unhappy.
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AU Thursday : Valicer In The Dark -- Playbook Tweaks, A Bit of Worldbuilding, Potential Scores
Been thinking more about my Valicer In The Dark AU as of late, and I have a few updates and additions to the Three Pillars and their particular version of Duskwall that I would like to share with you, as indicated by the title:
Playbook Tweaks -- While I’m pretty happy with Victor’s stats as a Whisper from the original post on this subject, I found myself wanting to tweak Alice’s and Smiler’s just slightly after writing them up. Specifically, I wanted to add a special ability to Alice’s, and an extra ability point to Smiler’s. I didn’t want to do this without a concurrent trade-off somewhere else, though (yes, I know I’m just using this for potential fic-writing purposes, not actually playing the game, but it still feels only fair!), so after some thought, this is what I’ve come up with for each of them:
Alice -- I felt like she really needed to have The Devil’s Footsteps special ability (the one that allows you to do things like jump extra high or extra far) along with Not To Be Trifled With (the one that allows you to do superhuman feats of strength or battle six people at once) at the start -- those two in concert basically cover everything she can do in the games! So, in exchange for her having two starting special abilities, I’ve decided she also starts with the Haunted trauma! This is a trauma that means you are haunted by bad things in your past and sometimes slip off into fugue states -- which meshes perfectly with Alice’s memories of the fire and Wonderland occasionally dragging her out of reality! It also means she can only take three extra traumas before having to get out of the criminal game -- usually, starting characters have four slots for having their brains broken. *shrug* Them’s the breaks!
Smiler -- After reviewing their stats vs their history, I realized that maybe I should have put that dot in Survey in Attune instead -- after all, they’ve been directly touched by their god Mar-Mal! That’s how they got the glowing yellow eyes in this verse! However, I still liked them having that dot in Survey, as it did also suit their character. So, in exchange for getting that extra starting dot in Attune, I’ve decided that Smiler has a slightly shorter stress tracker than most characters -- instead of nine slots, they get seven. Stress is something that characters can use to push themselves to perform certain feats (get an extra die while rolling a weak stat) or resist the consequences of their actions (downgrade a potentially crippling blow into one that just hurts a lot). It’s very useful, but you have to track it carefully, because once your character fills up their stress tracker, they have a mental break and gain a trauma. I figured that trading two stress slots for the Attune dot was both fair and thematically appropriate -- Smiler has lived in a cult that venerates happiness as holy for years, and was directly touched by a god of pure joy. It only makes sense that they’d be a little worse at handling stress and bad emotions!
Worldbuilding -- I haven’t fully fleshed out my Duskwall yet, but there’s a few ideas I’ve been banding around:
-->This first one is straight from the Oxventure Presents Blades In The Dark stuff -- one of Kasimir’s and Edvard’s earliest scores in Volisport was at Cab-Con, a convention for the various cabdrivers of the cities. I thoroughly enjoyed it, but as I wrapped up the episode, a pun popped into my mind referencing the even-more-powerful gondoliers faction (as more of the city is traversable by canal than by road) -- Con-Dola! XD So yeah, that’s the big convention in my Duskwall -- an annual festival the gondoliers put on where they try out new boat types, exchange stories, and have races. Members of the public can come in for a fee and bet on the boat races. It’s a fun time and everyone looks forward to it!
-->While the official book outlines a few holidays on the Duskwall calendar (the monthly Moontide celebration, Arkenvorn to honor the spirit wardens, Gratitude to honor the ascension of the Immortal Emperor to his throne (and just more general Thanksgiving stuff)), I decided we needed a Halloween equivalent as well and came up with “Devil’s Night,” where children dress up as devils and go around causing minor bits of mischief and knocking on doors for spare food and coin. The actual devils in the city are also said to offer better deals than usual, with prices that mortals are better able to pay, but people tend to be iffy about checking out if this is true or not. Because, you know, devils. There’s always someone desperate enough to try, though. . .
-->I’m still working on how the other Alton Towers coasters beyond Smiler and Wickerman would fit into this world, but I know the other secret weapons would all have various cults -- the Agents of Oblivion for, well, Oblivion (who sacrifice people to the void -- not sure if they’re trying to keep it contained or encouraging to grow yet. Maybe both, with a secret internal schism in the cult?); the Spirits of the Trees for Thirteen (who worship the poisonous trees in that one park and are trying to create more -- though perhaps a little less poisonous so they don’t immediately kill everyone they come into contact with); the Clan of the Creature for Nemesis (who worship this bizarre crab-like demon and believe it will somehow save them when the leviathan blood eventually runs out); and the Galactic Rangers for Galactica (who believe the stars are the remains of their god and that if they give her enough worship, she’ll do something about the moon that seems to keep getting either bigger or closer year by year. . .). Rita doesn’t get a cult -- rather, she’s the leader of the Speed Queens, a group of smugglers known for their insanely fast car that only she can drive properly. She is, however, involved with the head priestess of the Spirits of the Trees, even if she’s not an official member. XD
-->Very tempted to put Doc and Marty somewhere in this world, of course -- don’t know if they’d be criminals, but Doc would HAVE to be a Leech well-known for his bizarre contraptions and strange experiments with electroplasm. Probably they have the local equivalent of the DeLorean around, and Doc’s looking to get his hands on an old train. . .
-->And another one just for the funsies -- having gone through both the main book and a semi-official “cookbook” supplement (see the Supplements page -- I can recommend it, it’s a short but fun read), I have decided to pull a Fallout with this universe and declare that horses went extinct sometime during the great Shattering, and goats have taken over all of their roles. This is purely because sometimes I imagine my Three Pillars trio ending up in other worlds, and it amuses me greatly for them to go “what’s a horse?” whenever the subject comes up. XD
Scores -- Obviously, you can’t have a criminal gang and not have any crimes for them to commit! Here are some of the higher-profile missions the Three Pillars would undertake during their career:
-->Sorting out Dr. Bumby at the Houndsditch Home for Wayward Youth (their first score after getting together, and after Alice tells them what he’s up to -- their goal being to either get evidence of his misdeeds to one of the incorruptible Inspectors, or just straight-up kill the guy in a way that doesn’t leave a ghost)
-->Getting some of Victor’s stuff out of the Van Dort mansion (which involves Victor learning just how little his parents worry about his actual safety when he encounters them and all his mother can do is complain about how Victoria Everglot has now TWICE married someone else while he’s been missing; I am also SO TEMPTED to have Barnaby and Kasimir in the mansion on their OWN score to rob the place, only to run into Victor, Alice, and Smiler, and Victor to tell them “hey, help me get my stuff back and I will just GIVE you some money from the safe”)
-->Taking care of one Dr. Kelman and his Sanctuary when he puts out a bounty on the three of them, saying that they need his special “social compliance therapy” (this is how Alice and Victor learn Smiler’s birthname, and Smiler justifies the Advocates’ gray morality by saying “at least we don’t CUT THE SMILES INTO PEOPLE’S FACES BEFORE SCOOPING OUT THEIR SOULS”)
-->Acquiring rare and not-always-legal ingredients for the Golden Plum restaurant (I have this in mind as a score that would be kicked off by the first time Smiler overindulged their Pleasure vice there -- the owner and chef, having realized who they are and that they’re a scoundrel, does a little light blackmail to get the gang to help get him ingredients; part of Smiler’s price is that they get first taste of the resultant dishes, which the owner is happy to agree to)
-->Being hired by Victoria to embarrass her parents by stealing a silver egg they recently acquired and won’t stop bragging about (as you might imagine, she’s a little bitter about the Barkis thing and wants to stop them acting like it wasn’t her husband’s money that bought it; midway through the score though, things go off the rails when the egg HATCHES and produces a baby dragon -- cue the gang getting a surprise new pet)
-->Getting Alice’s Jabberwock’s Eye Staff (she needs it as her scary weapon, and I think it would be fun to make getting it an adventure -- maybe in the Lost District outside the lightning barrier?)
-->Attending Con-Dola (this would be a “joke” score where the goal is to actually have some fun in their lives; I can see Victoria hiring them for this one too, saying she needs them to do a few things there, and at the end they realize she hired them literally to have a nice day out XD)
-->And I’m kind of tempted to do something inspired by The Hangover movies and that one Skyrim quest “A Night To Remember” where, after a night of drinking, the gang wakes up in the Lord Mayor’s house not knowing WHAT happened last night (only that for some reason the lady of the house doesn’t seem to mind they’re there) and have to figure out what they did (possibly may involve them getting drunken group-married and being upset only because they didn’t realize that was an option and they would have liked to do that SOBER damn it)
We’ll see if any of these actually make “written” status! (I mean, I hope so, but with the monster of “Londerland Bloodlines: Downtown Queensland” looming over me. . .)
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